#a few days ago she sent me a pic of a dessert she made and when i said i wanted to eat it she told me i would???

[roaringroa]

i feel like i’m going insane like this is going too well

[anime-simp-0]

Hi how are you?? i hope your holidays were great!!

Can I please request prompts 4, 62, 64, 65, and 100 for Izuku?

These are rough times and i can really use comfort from my fav character. Thank you and take care <33

i'm surviving lol i managed to pass my classes this semester and that felt like a minor christmas miracle. hopefully this helps ur holidays <3 also i tried really hard to get this done before new years so i hope you get to enjoy it before then lol #4. "you can't keep doing this" #62. "it's okay to cry..." #64. "talk to me" #65. "look at me--just breathe, okay?" #100. "i adore you"

why did the holidays always have to suck?

i guess it wasn't the holidays as much your family. always giving their imputes. always criticizing. always belittling.

they couldn’t just be happy for you. there was always something you did wrong. first it was you wanting to be a hero. then it was you even thinking you were good enough to be accepted to UA. then it was how you didn’t get first place at the sports festival. then with the summer camp catastrophe, it was how could you possibly let your classmate be taken. honestly it was beyond exhausting. being around them made you physically ill. it didn’t help that your family would get mad when you avoided them. saying you weren’t grateful and disrespectful were the most common remarks.

so, you decided to stay at the dorms for new years. christmas decorations had been replaced the day before with black and gold decor. the entire commons had been flipped into a party room. streamers hung from the ceilings thanks to sero and uraraka and satou had been baking desserts while bakugo owned the appetizers before setting it up all pretty on platers and plates. music had been blasting thanks to jiro and the games had been laid out by denki, kirishima and mina. everyone was bouncing around from the different stations, playing games and grabbing plates of food while jamming out to music.

everything should have been perfect. except for the fact you promised you'd make an appearance at your family new years eve party. one that had officially started two hours ago. you had gotten a few called from your parents but had decided that putting your phone on do not disturb would be the best way to actually enjoy your holiday for a change. tons of memorable moments flashed by, some getting captured in photographs and others alone in memories.

"check your phone!" mina giggled as she turned her screen towards yours, "i just sent you your pics!" on her screen was a picture of midoriya's arms around your waist as he held you from behind, kissing your cheek after winning your teams beer pong game.

you smiled at the picture before pulling your phone out, "thank you!" you signed into your phone and opened the message app without thinking. your first mistake. dozens of hateful messages from your family littered your inbox.

"you're seriously not gonna come?!" "you're so fucking selfish" "literally making this holiday all about you by not coming" "don't ever show your face again if your only gonna use us" "you are such a fucking bitch" "you dont deserve half the shit you've got if this is how you treat your family" "slut" "disappointment"

you froze, completely blindsided by the messages. you turned your phone off quickly, feeling pain in your chest.

midoriya, who had walked away to get you a drink, noticed the change almost immediately, "baby?"

you ignored him, brushing past everyone and quickly walking away towards the garden for some fresh air. the door slammed behind you but that was the last thing on your mind. not when you could feel your eyes watering as the tears started to fall or the tightening in your chest that had you dropping to your knees. you couldn't breathe. every attempt felt like you were trapped in a plastic bag. your nails started to dig into your skin as you clung to everything around you.

everything kept slipping as you fell farther and farther in the darkness in your mind. your body was shaking from the tears that were wrecking you and your fingers had started to draw blood.

then, you felt it. the strong arms of your boyfriend wrapping around you tightly as he pulled your hands from your skin. "it's okay baby, i got you..." he purred softly into your ear as he rocked you both back and forth. he placed his hand gently on your face before turning you towards him, trying to get you to look at him. you pulled your head away and started rubbing your face harshly, trying your best to rub away the tears that had stained your skin. "it's okay to cry..." he put his hand back on your face, this time not doing anything other then letting you feel his touch, "come on baby, please just look at me--just breathe, okay?" his voice was laced with pleading as you slowly turned your face. "good," he smiled softly, trying to encourage you, "good baby." his thumb stroked the side of your face as he looked into your eyes, "talk to me..."

you shook your head quickly, pulling away from him and trying to push him away. he didn't let that happen though. instead, he tightened his grip even more, forcing you to remain against him. "y/n," he spoke sternly. he rarely ever used that tone on you. the last time he had it was because you hurt yourself in training for him and let's just say the talking to he gave you made you regret it more than the annoyed looks from aizawa and recovery girl combined. you stopped fighting after a couple seconds, accepting that you were going to win this fight and laid back into his arms. "y/n, you can't keep doing this. i need you to talk to me. i can't help if i don't know what's wrong."

you tried one, two, then three times, desperate to get the words out, but all that happened was more tears and ore frustration on your part. eventually, you just pulled out your phone and held it up in front of him. he gave you a confused look, "the pictures mina sent?"

"no," you huffed, biting your lip. a part of you was scared. what if he believed them? if he stopped caring about you? if he had been lying and it was all just a game? i mean, come on, who could possibly like you enough to date you? he glanced back at the phone before putting in your password. one that made him smile every time. the day he asked you on a date for the first time. the day you officially started dating. he had flashbacks to the way you smiled under the lights as you walked the streets of japan. his chest burned at the thought. now, here you were in tears, shaking so badly he could barely keep you still and with blood bubbling at the marks your nails had left. how could he let it come to this?

the second those number were entered, your screen assaulted him. "what the fuck" was all he growled. the things written were so volatile that he could feel OFA started to spark in his veins. his hand started to bawl as he one holding your phone nearly cracked the screen. "who the fuck thinks they get to talk to you like that?" there were very few times izuku 'deku' midoriya cursed, one of which was when he flew head first into a building using his quirk and yelled 'shit' so loud bakugo was rolling on the ground laughing while everyone else was making pikachu faces. but in that moment, he looked at you with such an anger, you forgot how to think. did it really bother him that much what they had said to you? did he really think they were out of line?

"izuku," you reached for your phone, not expecting him to jerk it away from you.

"i asked you a question, i want an answer," he glared. your heart skipped a beat in your chest. "because you better tell me the labels in your contacts are wrong and your family doesn't actually treat you like this..." you sat in silence for a moment, turning your gaze from him to the ground. that simple action was all it took for him to put your family on his shit list. he took a few breaths to calm himself down, your fingers brushing across his arms that held you made that easier then it would have been otherwise. because at least you were here. and not with those bastards. he sighed before pressing a kiss to your shoulder blade, "fuck them." you turned and gave him a surprised look, "we are gonna go back inside and enjoy the rest of the party, yeah? and we can deal with them in the morning."

"okay," you sniffed, rubbing a few stray tears off your face before going to stand.

"nuh-uh," he pulled your back down, "not yet. if those damn pictures mina got caused all this then they better at least be good."

you giggled and watched as he opened mina's texts. pictures of midoriya and you throughout the night filled the messages, all clearly showing the love you have for each other. some pictures you were aware of, others you were shocked she managed to get. like ones of him spinning you around when your favorite song came on, or one where you could see him watching you from across the room with heart eyes. we both smiled as you went through the pictures, the tears the earlier being stripped away and forgotten about.

in sat for a few more moments before mina messaged you, everything good? it's 11:53 and you guys are still outside...

"shit," you and midoriya muttered in unison before he helped you up. you both shuffled back into the party. a few people asked you both if everything was okay but you both just played it off as getting overheated. luckily no one seemed to want to push the topic anymore.

if felt like it was only seconds ago you had come back inside, yet the close read 11:58. midoriya was right by your side as your friends partnered up with their special someones. that didn't seem to stop the excitment that spread around the room while all the girls giggled about celebrating the new years all together.

like a family...

the thought almost made you cry. but not because it reminded you of what had happened. because it reminded you that this had been the best holidays you had ever celebrated. surrounded by people that cared for you in ways it seemed your own blood could never. over the months you had been stuck with these idiots, you had grown to not only respect them, but love them. for every flaw. for every poor decision or ick that used to annoy you. you had discovered a group of people that would put their asses on the line for you in a heartbeat. guys that would take bullets for you and treat you like blood. these people that become more than just your best friends.

they were your family.

your chosen family.

and frankly, that mattered a hell of a lot more then blood. you smiled as your eyes started to water again and midoriya turned your face towards him, "what's wrong?"

you shook your head softly in his hand as you looked down at his lips, the sound of your friends counting down surrounded you, "im happy..."

"bet i could make it even better..." he smirked as he leaning into you.

3...

2...

1...

"happy new year!"

his lips met yours in a way you hadn't felt before. something intoxicating and possessive. in a way that lay claim to your skin and took the air from your lungs. when you pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours.

"i adore you..." he whispered softly in the chaos of the room, "god, i... i'm inlove with you..."

[klaumiel]

You are all I’ve got, Austin.// Chapter 2: Mama Knows Best

I was sitting in my favourite armchair in my parent’s house, sipping tea and chilling like every other Saturday morning. She makes the best tea in the world, like a magic elixir for all my fears and problems. Checking my phone every few minutes, I looked at my mum sitting on the sofa focused on filing her long red nails. She is beautiful as always, so classy and sophisticated, with her beautiful long black and curly hair, big brown eyes. She looked like a proper lady in her brown pencil skirt and white shirt neatly pushed inside, long legs like a model, nobody can tell that she just turned fifty-two. She was glowing. And yet, there was this familiar sadness in her eyes, I’ve seen it so many times, this look when she stares in the distance lost in her thoughts, hurts me every time seeing her like this because I know exactly what it means.

Dad promised her that this will be his last deployment and he will retire so they can finally live their lives the way they wanted, but he said that last time as well and one before that. She knew that he always wanted to reach the Captain rank, and she let him follow his dreams. Even if that meant leaving us for months every year, missing Christmas, birthdays and challenging times. He got promoted four years ago and finally, after over thirty years in the army, he had his dream job. My mother never complained, she loves him too much, after all, he was her first love her ‘hero’ as he always calls him.

She was devoted to her work as a music teacher, that always helped her in worse times, we grew up with her beautiful songs and a voice of an angel, her powerful cante flamenco only proved how magical and emotional music can be.

It was tough for her to leave Sevilla, her family and friends, but she did it for love, for my Dad. My grandmother was against it, but she did it anyway. A nineteen years old music student with no language or money, completely alone only a handsome soldier that she fell in love with a few months before. She knew that she will have a beautiful life; she took a risk, and it paid off. Well, that’s what she uses to tell us, was it really what she always dreamt off? Being part-single single mother with two kids, praying every day for her husband to come back in one piece and not in the wooden box? I think she tried so hard to convince herself that in the end, she believed it.

She is the most caring and loving person I know, always two steps ahead of us catching us before we fall, still supporting even if what we are doing it’s just stupid and illogical.

We didn’t give her a hard time as kids, as twins, we naturally looked after one another without even thinking about it, if one was in trouble or going through a hard time the other one always knew. It always freaked me out how this is possible that being somewhere else I can still feel Shaun’s emotions and vice versa. We are the same in every aspect, like the same things, react the same way to everything.

‘Maya!’ She snapped me from my thoughts ‘I asked you if you want more tea and some cake? Lemon cheesecake your favourite.’ Did she just said lemon cheesecake !?

‘Oh my god, Mum! You don’t have to ask twice. You know that I would die for it’ She laughed and walked to the kitchen.

I looked at my phone again. Just a few silly messages from Gemma describing Greg’s best bed tricks. I swear she will eat this poor guy alive! After a few conversations with Greg, I convinced him to give her a chance, he finally understood that we can’t be together as the feeling wasn’t mutual.

They went on a date a few days after, and now they are inseparable, I felt a little guilty that I left this for so long I could’ve pushed them earlier to try.

I called Gemma while my mum was in the kitchen.

‘Hey, girl! What’s up?!’ She answered I could hear Greg in the background; I guess I just disturbed something. Did he just moan?!

‘Nothing much, I’m just chilling here with my mum and wanted to check how are you doing, but from your texts, and what I can hear I guessed you are nice and comfy whenever you are’ I laughed

‘Well, I’m with Greg … I had to pull him away from work, he spends way  too much time working on things that don’t matter, he needs to relax, reports and taxes can wait until Monday I am more important right now’ she giggled

‘You know he is a workaholic, but I can see you are doing a great job in changing that, I’m glad to hear it. ‘

‘And how is your prison bae? Did you decide if you are going to visit him? I thought that was your plan for today, to surprise him. Did you chicken out?’ I checked if my mum wasn’t coming back from the kitchen, and I lowered my voice.

‘I didn’t chicken out, I called yesterday, but I was late for booking. Plus I am not sure if surprising him is a good idea, maybe I should discuss this with him first ‘ I saw my mum coming back from the kitchen.

‘Is your call girl, you know him better, but you have to make up your mind. Six weeks of only texting and sending hot pics is a long time. You are long overdue for the next level. Just don’t get too invested if you are not sure if you want to make a move, plus is not like you two have much of a future… I think you should look elsewhere is pointless to waste your time on him at this point, he has no future ’ Not much of a future ?! Waste my time?! What the hell was that about?! I was just about to call her out, but I saw my mum in the living room pouring tea and putting three plates on the table.

‘OK, Gemma, I have to go. Have fun, just make sure you can walk on Monday. Sara is only waiting for a chance to shame you in front of everyone…Bye’ I hang up before she could answer. I couldn’t believe that she said that. What got into her? She was very salty about the whole Austin situation from the start, and recently she avoided me. Just talking about herself and Greg. Even in the office, we didn’t chat as much as we use to. I was puzzled and hurt at the same time, that was so mean and entirely not like her.

I tossed my phone on the table with anger, and I was just about to dig into my cheesecake when I heard a doorbell.

‘I will get it Mum!’ I run to the door, I knew it was Shaun I could feel it, smiling from ear to ear, his black curls wet from the rain falling in his green eyes.

I am always so happy to see him, my little brother. Well, three minutes difference, but still, he is younger than me, and he hates it.

‘Hello, sis! I think I need a towel is absolutely lashing out there’ He said, shaking his wet hair while coming inside.

‘Here it is sweetheart, just in time, cake is on the table.’ My mum always two steps ahead, always prepared. She hugged him and dried his head with towel messing his hair up.

As soon as we sat down, I heard my phone ping. A familiar tune that made me smile each time I heard it. It was him! Of course, it was, I didn’t talk to anyone else there. I grabbed it as fast as I could, Shaun and Mum were busy chatting about some series on Netflix that I didn’t see, so I took the opportunity to focus on the conversation with Austin. He had a shitty day, so I decided to cheer him up a little. I’ve sent him a picture of me holding a tray with the pie that I’ve made the day before from the recipe he gave me. I was covered in flour from head to toe my hair was all messy. He joked about the mess I made in the kitchen. We talked about our favourite desserts, we had the same taste, so it wasn’t surprising to me when he said that lemon cheesecake is also his favourite. It was a short conversation, his time in the library was over. He kept his phone there, in one of the books.

I was happy to have at least this ten minutes with him. Made me feel better that I managed to cheer him up a little bit, he was a bit tense lately. I had a feeling he is hiding something, but I didn’t want to push him.

I’ve put my phone down, and I saw Shaun and Mum staring at me.

‘What?’ I asked nervously looking around myself to see what they are looking at. ‘Did I spill some tea? ‘

‘Who was that sweetie?’ My Mum smiled at me ‘Was it Albert?’ Why would she think it was Albert?

‘No, why you think it was Albert? I didn’t hear from him for weeks, plus we left it as they were. I don’t want to waste my time on him. I don’t even know when he is coming back, could be months. I made my decision, one soldier in the family is enough. I want my man to be next to me every day. I am not strong enough to go through the same as you’ her smile dropped instantly. Fuck! My big mouth again! ‘ Mum I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to..’

‘It’s ok love, I know what you mean, and I fully understand it’s not an easy life, and if you don’t feel like he is worth that kind of commitment you shouldn’t waste your time and wait for him. I stuck with your father because he was the one, still is but if you don’t feel like Albert is that’s only fair’ she paused for a second, and her smile came back ‘ So if not Albert who was it then? You were smiling and giggling the whole time. I didn’t see you like this for a long time.’

She was right, I didn’t feel like this for a long time, this whole Luke situation messed me up pretty badly.

‘It’s nothing, is just a guy from Lovelink that I am chatting with. Really, not a big deal’ She didn’t believe a word I said. Shaun shoot me an angry glance. Mum always knows when we are lying.

‘You are not getting away with this, not this time, you just blew your cover by giggling like mad! He knew about Austin, I told him everything, and I felt like it is time to share it with mum. At this stage, I was too deep into this, and she already knew that I am hiding something. We never had any secrets in the family, we made a promise that we need to share everything so we can help each other when we needed, and I didn’t want to break it.

I looked at my phone again and saw the last message from Austin.

“Bye messy pie ’’

I smiled. He is so fucking sweet, sometimes. Took a deep breath.

‘OK, I will tell you but please don’t freak out.’

She poured more tea to the mugs sat comfortably on the sofa, put her hands on her knees. She was ready, that’s what she thought, but she wasn’t.

‘About six weeks ago I matched with this guy, Austin Russo. I wasn’t sure at first, but I swiped because he intrigued me, I saw something interesting in him. See for yourself.’ I showed her his profile picture and the one he sent me a few weeks ago with his pop. I kept shirtless to myself.

‘Wow, handsome man. So far, so good.’ God, she is so not ready for that. Shaun smiled, he knew I was shitting myself, I didn’t want her to know.

‘Well, we really clicked, not right away. In the beginning, I thought that he is a bit of a prick, rude and arrogant, but he started to open up and … we were texting every day, getting to know each other. He is a bit rough around the edges but is getting better. I think I am bringing his soft side now. You will like that… he is a poet.’ I had to start with the right things, prepare her. She loves poetry.

‘Oh, that’s so romantic. You seem to like him.’

‘Yes, I do. I feel like we have a connection, even tho we’ve been only texting, we didn’t really meet in real life yet, but we have something special.’

‘ He didn’t take you for a date in six weeks? Why? That’s a red flag sweetheart ‘ Fuck! Here we go. Just say it! I looked at Shaun, begging for help, but he nodded reassuring me. I took a deep breath and looked at my Mum. My mouth was dry as sand, I took a big sip of tea, brushed my hair nervously She is going to flip.

‘Mum, we couldn’t go on a date because he is in prison’ My heart pounded in my chest, I  desperately searched for her reaction. She had a poker face, but I knew she was shocked, she didn’t say anything because she knew this is not all ‘He was falsely accused of murder seven years ago.. he is innocent, but there is not enough evidence to prove it.’

She didn’t say anything, just looked away then down. I felt my eyes filling with tears. She is disappointed, she won’t even look at me. I caught Shaun looking at her. Finally, she said quietly slowly bringing her eyes back to me.

‘Well, this was unexpected.. how long is his sentence?’ Mum was very serious, but I could see that she cared, she was worried. There was approval in her piercing brown eyes. That approval that I needed right now.

‘He is on the death row.’ I nearly whispered, looking at the floor, tears flowing. I felt horrible. On one side, my mum, always wanting me to find a good Nobel man and have a perfect family, one that we never had. And on the other side Austin, the not ideal partner for her perfect daughter, another criminal

‘Oh my god, sweetie.’ She sat on the floor next to me, took my hands in hers and looked at me ‘Are you hundred per cent sure he is innocent?’

‘ Yes, I believe him.’ I whispered

I told her everything. How Austin and his pop ran a chop shop together, how his half-brother Bennie started using heavy drugs and his father kicked him out, so he decided to take them down with his new gang; they got into a fight and Bennie tried to shoot Austin but his pop pushed him away and took the bullet. Bennie and his thugs knocked Austin down and left him next to his dead father with the gun in his hand. Unfortunately, this was enough evidence to prove him guilty and sentenced to death.

I didn’t even notice that I was crying like a baby the whole time. I must’ve looked pathetic.

‘ I know that you think I must be stupid, he could be lying and just playing me, but I really have feelings for him. I can’t even explain it. I believe him, he would never kill his father, he loved him, I could feel it from the way he spoke about him.’ I took a deep breath trying to calm myself ‘I saw his rough side when we started talking, but now he is a different person…  he opened up ‘ Suddenly all the thoughts of losing him went through my head

‘Mum... I have to help him … I don’t know how but I can’t let him die.’ I felt her arms wrapped around my shoulders when she squeezed to sit next to me. She wiped my cheeks and lifted my chin.

‘ Sweetheart, I would never think you are stupid. Love is never stupid, I would’ve been a complete hypocrite to think this way. You are my daughter, my whole world, and I love you with my whole heart. You are exactly like me when you fall for someone you fall deep. I can see that you care about this boy. And your golden heart won’t let you just leave him like that.  Maya, if you believe he's innocent, I trust you’ She pointed at my phone ’ I don’t see a murderer in him, there is good in his eyes. And what’s most important you see a good person in him, you gave him a chance because you knew is right.’ Her expression softened ‘ We better start thinking about how we can help him.’

Shaun sat on the sofa, resting his head on his hands, suddenly he got up.

‘Sis, we will figure something out. There must be a way to get him out of this, talk to him see what you can learn. I’m sure he knows what to do but is holding back, is too proud to ask you for help. He is too young and definitely not ready to die…Listen… Dad will be back in a few weeks maybe he can pull some strings, in the meantime try to convince Austin to let you help him.’

I wasn’t expecting my mum to understand, but she saw something more than just a stupid girl falling in love with the guy who most likely will never see the outside world before saying goodbye to it. She felt my determination and will to get him out of this shit, and as always she was two steps ahead.

‘ What was the other evidence apart from the gun?’ She asked while walking back to the sofa

‘ Partial DNA on him, which by the way is the same as Bennie’s, if we could have his DNA that would be a full match. I’m sure that would be enough to prove him innocent. I spoke with him about this, but nobody knows where Bennie is now, and police aren’t even looking for him. Plus is not easy to convince Austin to let me help him, he is stubborn, he lived with the idea that there is no chance for him to get out for seven years and now when there is a small chance he is scared, he won’t admit it, but he is scared someone will get hurt because of him again.’

‘You have to convince him’ Shaun said ‘ I am sure he knows something, a guy like Bennie can’t just disappear without the trace unless they are dead. Then we are screwed… Talk to him and don’t do anything stupid alone, you have me’ He smiled and flicked my nose

Next day I spoke with Austin about the possibility of finding Bennie, of course, he didn’t want me to get involved. How someone can be so stubborn!?

But that day, I decided that I had enough of him pissing around. After he got stabbed in the library by few of Bennie’s thugs who tried to cut his tongue, to make sure he won’t speak before the execution.

This was the point in which I drew the line, it was too much. My man was in grave danger, and I suppose to sit with my arms crossed? No fucking way! But before he managed to get proper angry he told me that we will give it ago, he had information where Bennie was last seen, he sent me an address and asked me to wait until we make a plan. He clearly doesn’t know me as well as he thinks he does.’

The moment Austin went offline, I put the address in my GPS  and drove there. I looked around the place that seemed to be a chop shop. Austin texted me when I was hidden behind the fence. He was fuming, I didn’t listen to him after all, he specifically told me to wait. Sorry not sorry, darling.

We confirmed that the bike outside the shop was Bennie’s, I went to look around searching for anything useful, but then my luck reached its end together with my common sense.

Bennie found me. I had only one chance to use this to my advantage, he was meters away from me. I only needed a bit of his hair, that's all.

I could stir it anyway I could, I had him right in front of me, but no. I did the only thing my stupid mind told me to.

I agreed to go on a date with a murderer. How wonderfully clever of me. Mama will be proud.

It was the stupidest idea ever, but it was the only chance I had to free Austin, or at least save his life.

Austin wasn’t happy with the idea, but he knew it is the only way. Only one shot, he’s the only door to freedom.

We planned everything, go in get the hair and get out. Simple as that. Nothing can go wrong, right? Right.

I called Shaun, I was stupid and desperate enough to go on a date a murderer but not dumb as to go there alone.

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Forty-Two, “Music To My Ears”

*Gif is not mine*

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Word Count: 8.5k

Warnings: None

Music Inspo: All My Love by George Ezra (click to listen)

                                      SNEAKYYYYYY PEEK

It all feels surreal and so quickly, seeing him there dressed to the nines in another handsome suit. He’s back, and he’s all mine. I don’t quite know how we’re going to do this whole thing, but I can’t fucking wait. I’m unsure of how different it will be at the firm and as his mentee, but I know we’ll make it work. After the last few years of shit we’ve went through, this seems like a piece of cake, or so I hope.

“Morning,” I almost whisper, wishing I was threading my arms around his middle right now and not standing across the room. Instead, they sit flat against my front, hands clasped at my waist. His shiny brunette curls tickle his temples when he looks up fast and over to me, the light of a thousand suns filling his face.

“And so, when a person meets the half that is his very own, then something wonderful happens: the two are struck from their senses by love, by a sense of belonging to one another, and by desire, and they don't want to be separated from one another, not even for a moment.”

― Plato, The Symposium

+

My first attempt is measly, but by the second time, I get it open despite my wildly trembling fingers. The sigh I had been coaxing to remain inside of my lungs finds its way out at last when the door clicks! into the hinges. The blissed out smile I can’t remember being without sticks to my lips as my back graces the door. Somehow, the air inside here smells even sweeter as the fireworks still ignite within my chest. 

I’m only brought back to the present when I hear somebody clear their throat. Opening my eyes, I find Skye waiting on the couch with her knees brought to her chest. 

“So?! That was a long fucking time to be standing out in the hallway just talking, Rebecca Holte!” Skye exclaims with an eagerness filling her cheeks with crimson. 

All that escapes my lips is the happiest laugh I’ve felt my insides flourish in as long as I can remember. Her eyebrows raise with a question posed to me, and I answer it with a mere nod that causes her to shoot out of her seat and over to me. 

“Ree, finally!” she almost screams, and I echo it with my eternal laugh, relaxing into her arms. 

“Yeah . . finally it’s all coming together.”

I have just enough time to recount the details of the event to her in all of its glory. As if on cue, my ‘You’ve Got A Friend In Me’ ringtone begins to sing from my pocket. 

“Ooooo, is that him already?! You better answer it, Ree!” Skye exclaims with eagerness to her voice. The blush finds its way back to my cheeks as I escape with a cheek kiss from her, my feet soon padding down the hallway. 

“Wow, you actually mean it when you said you would call.”

“Why, o’ ‘course I meant it, bug. I always keep me promises,” Harry hums in return, just the sound of his voice launching my heart into somersaults. 

“I see that . . thank you,” I mumble, closing my door behind me softly, in order to deter Skye from eavesdropping anymore than she already is. 

“Can I say sumthin’ weird?” he murmurs, voice sounding far away almost. I blame that discrepancy on his phone paired to his car by Bluetooth, making him feel all the more far away from me. 

“Sure, I like weird. I mean, I like you.”

“Wow, good flirtin’ there, Ms. Hotshot. ‘m really feelin’ all tha love,” Harry titters until it wanders into a soft sigh. He clears his throat and a nervous laugh follows, pulling me to attention. 

“Oh, why thank you . . But, go ahead. What is it, Harry?” I return, falling onto the messy covers of my bed, exiled outfits littering the surface. 

“I already miss you, bug. Hasn’t even been ten minutes and I bloody miss you,” he confesses gently, a sad giggle adorning his words, echoing those that sit within my heart. 

“You’re not the only one, Harry. I miss you too. If we’re gonna be honest with each other, I missed you so much last week, and even more those seven months we didn’t talk, and-” I reveal into my phone, and then into his ears. The anxiousness falls away at my confession, one I’ve been coaxing to remain within my own ears for far too long. I had hinted at it and said it with my lips, but it feels so freeing to finally let the words loose to the world. To him.

My Harry. 

“Tha year afta ya quit . . I know. I missed you like hell durin’ all o’ those times too, it tore me up bein’ away from you,” he continues, pulling the words from my mouth where they leave to inform his ears. “And I want us t’ be honest with each otha, Becks . . Always.”

“I thought I’d never stop missing you during all of those times. And now, here we are,” I say, an ironic and yet happy laugh filling his ears. 

“Yes, here we are, bug. Togetha . . ‘s ‘bout fookin’ time,” he giggles, and like he always has been able to do, he pulls one from my lips with the help of his contagious happiness. “So, back t’ happier things . . Erm, what’re ya doin’ on Sunday?” 

“Eh, probably just watching FRIENDS in my pajamas.” 

“Mmm, I admit that sounds like a ratha wondaful Sunday. Why dontcha come ova t’ mine and watch FRIENDS in yer jammies with me? ‘ll even put on me jammies too,” Harry suggests, further proving that this can actually get better. I didn’t think that was possible.

No, I did not after that incredible first kiss, and second, and third. 

“That sounds amazing, Harry. I’d love to see you in your ‘jammies.’”

“Yers too, bug. ‘d like t’ make dinna fer you, as well,” he continues, knocking me off of my feet once again. 

“Aww. That would be so awesome, Harry! Hey, can you make your chicken pot pie? That pic you sent me from the last time you made it looked so yummy.”

“‘Course, ‘d love t’ make it fer you,” he giggles, the tell tale sounds of traffic accompanying his words. I hear a train toot its horn in the distance, and the rhythmic clicking of his indicator. 

“Okay, great, and I’ll bring dessert.”

“Sounds great, bug. I can’t wait, Sunday can’t come fast enuff,” Harry says, the purring of his engine filling the background. 

“I couldn’t agree more.”

His adorable laugh graces my ears, somehow being too long since the last time I had heard it, “How does 5 sound?” 

“It sounds like a date,” I chirp happily, wondering for the hundredth time if the words that are coming out of my mouth are indeed real. 

Real, they are, sister, the demon living inside the walls of my skull chimes. 

Where ever did you run off to? I reply. 

I’ve been here the whole time, mate, just watching and waiting. I’m usually not big on love, but holy shit, are you two adorable. Go on, now. You’re interrupting my entertainment. 

You stop interrupting! the angel groans back. 

“Hey, ‘m s’posed t’ say that part ‘coz ‘s my date! I said ‘d get tha second date,” Harry pouts from my ear, and I wonder if I’ll ever stop laughing. The better question is if I’ll ever stop smiling. I don’t know the answer to that one, and I think I’m okay not knowing. 

I wonder if I’ll ever stop loving him, and to that question, I already know the answer.

“Oh, sorry,” I chuckle hard now, fueled further by the sound of his clucking tongue, muttering a sarcastic ‘fer God’s sake, Becks.’ “Let’s start over.”

“‘Kay . . How does 5 sound?” he snickers, feigning composure in his voice when it’s needed most. 

“I’ll be there!” 

“Great, it sounds like a date then,” he titters, and soon our laughs mingle together, forming a duet. 

I thought my favorite song in the entire world was his laugh, but now, I think I may be wrong.

+

Surrealness blankets my body like a cloak, invisible, and yet all around me, as I stand in front of that door. The handle of the cloth bag digs into the crook of my elbow while the cold seeps in through my coat. I only grow colder when my fist raises once more, but it falls with a defeated sigh. Fear joins the other emotions fighting for the stage inside of me, and it nearly debilitates me with every second that passes. 

At last, my fist meets the muted scarlet red surface of his front door. A faint ‘c’min!’ sounds from the other side, causing my heart to gallop quicker inside me. A shaky exhale drops from my lips just before I swing the door open, and am met with the comforting smells of home cooking. I see him before he sees me, and the sight itself takes away the anxiety I’ve felt all day for this moment. For tonight. You’d think I’d have been more nervous for the first date than the second date. Nope, here I am nervous as can be standing in the doorway of his home, a bundle of nerves. 

Harry couldn’t look more adorable, or handsome, kneading his bottom lip while steam wafts along his face. Adjusting the yellow tea towel strewn over his shoulder, he closes a cookbook before his eyes dart over to me. His lips injected with golden sunshine reach his ears and the dazzle returns to his eyes dripping with green. 

“Hey, bug,” he hums, setting down the towel on the counter. The concoction of onions, herbs, and chicken tickles my nose while my heart races just at the sight of him. It does a few dances at the memory of our last date, and just how it ended. 

“Hi, Harry. It smells incredible in here,” I say, greeting him. After closing the door, I toe off my shoes to sit on the mat by the door. 

“Thanks, babe. Dinna’s all ready, I jus’ took tha pot pie out a few minutes ago,” he grins, coming to a stop in front of me with that sunshiney smile. The cover of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Rumors’ album dons his cream shirt in black and white. His long legs and bum tempt my thoughts in the form-fitting black joggers he wears. 

“Hey, you’re not wearing pajamas like you said,” I tease when he pulls me into a hug, feigning annoyance when that’s something I could never feel in this moment. 

“Neitha are you, li’l one. I can’t wear bloody jammies on a second date, ‘s far too soon. I still gotta make a good first impression,” Harry replies, the joking words brushing against my temple. Laughing, a shiver courses across my body but soon disappears once his arms settle to hold me against him. 

“I think that’s pretty far gone, that first impression thing,” I counter playfully, hesitantly removing my face from the crook of his neck to find his playful eyes waiting for me. 

“Doesn’t hurt t’ try, bug,” he giggles, and no matter how much I adore the sound, I can’t stand it any longer and steal it away with my lips. A similar giggle of my own is muffled against his lips that taste like nothing I’ve ever tasted before. They taste like him, I realize silently and happily. 

Our happy sounds mingle together while his lips mold against mine. They grow especially when he struggles to remove the bag from the crook of my arm, belatedly setting it down on the floor, allowing me to wrap both arms around him. The point of my nose dances across his prickly cheek when I pull away just slightly to surround his top lip with my own. The feeling of his prickly upper lip surprises my own, and leads my hand to caress his cheek. Smattering of vanilla sticks to his skin in spots while his warm breaths brush against my skin. The thrumming of my heart grows when I feel the lukewarm metal of his rings against my lower back, and then wandering in my hair. 

The feeling of his pillowy, soft lips are a thing of the past when he pulls away with a titter against mine. A soft question tumbles from my lips but he doesn’t answer it, instead pressing a whispery peck to my lips that still crave his. 

“Missed you,” he rasps, my skin igniting with sparks when his soft thumb pulls my bottom lip down, only to spring back. 

“I missed you more,” I argue and his cherry lips fall into disbelief. 

“Hey, that’s my line!” he exclaims, and I only laugh, realizing the trick I pulled. His happy song soon ghosts over my face, trailing behind his nose that draws a line against my cheek. “My Becks,” he coos in a whisper, ending his sentence with a punctuating kiss to my temple. 

“Harry . . My Harry,” I echo, accentuated by my hand running through his hair that is especially curly today. 

“‘m all yers, babe, have been fer longer than ya know,” he agrees aloud, escaping to the crook of my neck where his lips leave whispers below my ear and up my neck. 

The words themselves make my heart swell with what else other than love. It finds its way past my lips in a happy chuckle against his hair, and in another kiss pressed to his sunshine lips once he’s looking at me again. 

The temptation of one-upping him escalates within me, but I resist, unable to make a joke in this second. No, not after what he just said and the echoing words bubbling up inside of me. 

“I never could be anything but yours, Harry, it’s always been that way,” I smile, welcoming the truth and reality laced throughout my voice. The words resound in my heart louder, spreading throughout my body as I observe them fill his ears. A glow claims his eyes and then his lips, the dimples in his cheeks threatening to never leave. 

“You’ll neva know jus’ how happy ya make me, Becks, and how much ‘s magnified jus’ in tha last few days, bug. Yer me favourite person all ova again,” Harry mumbles in between blissed out smiles, one I haven’t had the pleasure to meet yet in all of our times together. No, I don’t think so. Spoiled, I am. “Let’s go eat dinna, bug. We can kiss mo’ later,” he rasps against my cheek, stealing one more kiss from my grinning lips. I nod, listening to his breathy laugh that I missed more than I realized while he was gone. 

My hand falls into his naturally, and he gives it a firm squeeze. Here he is, back with me, and he’s everything I’ve always wanted. This, is everything. 

“You’ve always been my everything, you just didn’t know it. Sometimes, I forgot it too,” I confess in a mere whisper, words interrupted soon by his. I only wish I had the courage that he does to speak them, loud and proudly. 

“What was that?” he mumbles, leading me over to the oval shaped wooden table on the other side of the kitchen island. 

“Nothing.”

“No, I heard ya say sumthin’, jus’ couldn’t make it out,” Harry insists, coming to a halt at one of the chairs. Luminescent moonlight trickles in from the almost closed drapes on the sliding deck doors opposite of us. Shaking my head nervously, a dominant blush attacks his teasing cheeks. “Ya gotta tell me, bug.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything!” I joke, and a high-pitched scoff adorns his lips quickly. A giggle spills from my mouth to greet the air when he yanks me into his arms, fingertips assaulting my sensitive ribs. 

“Becks! Stop playin’ hard t’ get, li’l one. We’re past that now,” he exclaims, feigning authority, but I can hear the affability shining in his deep voice. Laughs explode from my lips until they slowly die away, finding safety where I always do, hiding my face in the crook of his warm neck. 

“Or are we?” I titter against the pulsing, freckled skin. My lips shake louder when another offended scoff greets the air, feeding my laughter only more. 

“No, we aren’t, ya brat,” he pouts, and any worries I had are dispelled when his nose tickles my hairline. “Now, why can’t ya tell me what ya said? I wantcha t’ know ya can tell me anythin’ in tha world, Becks . . Promise.” 

“It’s kinda scary to say,” I admit, wondering about these lengths I’ve suddenly gone to that he somehow jumped within moments. He soothes the worries with his long fingers doting stripes up and down my back. 

“Ya can tell me scary stuff too, bug. Anythin’ at all. Could neva be mad at you when ya make me so bloomin’ happy without hardly doin’ a thing.”

A breathy laugh graces my lips now, muffled by the place where his neck and his broad shoulder meet. He remains silent, and the only sound I hear is that of his rhythmic breathing that does wonders for relaxing me in this crazed moment. His lips feathery against the top of my head do it for me, unraveling the ribbon that tied my not-so-secret together. 

“You’ve always been my everything, Harry . . you just didn’t know it, but I did,” I admit, taking my time enunciating every word into the confines of him. 

“‘ve always wondered, Becks, think it was coz ya’ve been me everythin’ longa than I can rememba,” he comments, taking my breath away with little to no effort, something he’s entirely too good at as of recently. “Thank you, babe,” he finishes adamantly, moving away and in the process, drawing my eyes upwards and towards his captivating greens. 

“Thank you, I’ve wanted this for so long.”

“‘ve wanted it mo’,” he giggles, and I ruffle a hand through his hair to mess it up. 

“Stop it with the one-upping! You ruined the sentiment, Styles,” I exclaim, mouth falling into an exaggerated pout. His laugh disappears quickly, soon brushing my ears when it’s his turn to dive into my neck. ‘Sorrys’ meet my ears and are soon reciprocated with ‘okays’ and a squeeze from my arms around his middle. 

“But I do mean it, Becks. It wasn’t love at first sight really, but bloody hell, ya sure roped me in fast when ya wouldn’t take me shit. Ya became me best friend befo’ I knew it was happenin.’ I knew ya were sumthin’ different altogetha, I jus’ realized it too late,” Harry confesses softly below my ear, and for the first time since noticing those sad songs on his phone, sorrow wrenches at my heart. I had forgotten what it had felt like, the seeds of our relationship finally growing within my heart that’s been filled to the brim with happiness all of a sudden. “You neva once stopped bein’ me everythin’, Rebecca Ann Holte . . I neva wantcha t’ fo’get that . . ‘m sorry if I eva made ya feel othawise . . ‘m so bloody mad ‘bout you, and I can finally tell ya all ‘bout it.”

The right words escape me, like they so often do, a quality he luckily doesn’t possess, especially after everything he just said. Instead, I leave my hiding place wrapped up in safety, and press at the back of his neck until my lips are against his. 

“Mad ‘bout me as well, are we?” Harry asks, the question dancing across my lips in between kisses. 

A joke sits on my lips, ready to fire, while the shocks of caramel glow in his sage irises. Multitudes of feelings consume my words and pump me full of happiness, all thanks to the face I finally get to melt at the sight of. The face I finally get to call all mine, and cover with kisses too. I don’t know which is better.

“More and more every day,” I admit at last, letting the reaction unfold on his face framed by dark facial hair. No longer is it just stubble, and the realization excites me, leading me to wonder what he’ll look like with a proper beard. 

Quickly, the anticipation grows and then settles, resting assured that I'll get to be there to see it happen. I’ll get to see so much of his life happen, and get to share mine with him as he stands at my side.

“Couldn’t have said it betta meself,” Harry grins, planting one last kiss on the very tip of my nose. “Let’s go have some dinna and watch FRIENDS, Boops.”

+

“Ya really can’t disappoint me when it comes t’ baked goods, y’know that? Oh, and if they’re chocolate, that too. Yer really settin’ tha bar high here, Becks.”

“Why do you make that sound like a bad thing?” I say, turning my palm up in question that dissolves with the same happy sound that surrounds his lips. 

Shrugging his shoulders, another bite of the chocolatey bread passes his rosebud lips. The sounds I make only grow louder at the fake crying expression claiming his face, “Means ya gotta keep bakin’ me stuff, and bloody hell, mo’ o’ this chocolate banana bread, please. Two o’ me favourite things in one right here.”

“You can keep the loaf, Harry. I have another at home.”

“Oh, so when I run outta mine, I can jus’ come ova t’ yers and help finish that one off then?” he questions, licking streaks of chocolate from his thumb.

My God, you’re such a fucking tease, Harry.

Chill it, would you?

Who? Him or you? the demon chuckles

Fuck, probably both.

“Sure,” I respond, eyes following his long figure that leaves my side to wander to the kitchen. “You can come over anytime you want . . How does Tuesday night sound? I’ll make you dinner, and there will be more chocolate banana bread for you.”

“And mo’ watchin’ FRIENDS in our not so jammies with wine and loads o’ blankets?” he hums from the kitchen, the sloshing of a liquid into a glass following his words. 

“Yeah, of course.”

“Good, ‘ssa date then,” Harry chimes, returning to the sofa to slip underneath the multicolored quilt I’m tucked underneath. “A third date.”

“Whiskey now too? I thought you liked the wine,” I laugh, confused after my eyes had danced over to him where he sips from an old-fashioned glass. 

“I do, but ‘s not strong enough. Plus, ‘s yer Rebecca wine that I didn’t wanna drink all up.”

“What are you talking about, Harry?” I chuckle, scooting closer to him after he mumbles something I can’t hear.

“‘m nervous ‘round you,” he says again, louder this time before the amber liquid passes his lips once more. His eyes remain staring forward at the television where Monica and Rachel argue in the apartment. 

“You are too?” I wonder aloud, ever so softly, but there’s just enough volume in my voice to pull his eyes over to me. A nod fulfills his words while one corner of his mouth lifts slightly, bottom lip trapped between his teeth. Surprise, surprise. “Why are you nervous? You’ve been so much fun all night, and the food was wonderful.”

“Why d’ya think? New relationship jitters - I don’t wanna mess anythin’ up,” he confesses shyly with a short smile overflowing with conflict. 

A ‘hey’ plummets from my lips without permission as I scooch closer to him, closing the distance until there’s no more steps I can take. My arm winds around his bicep, my other hooking my finger under his chin to get him to look at me. 

“You’re not going to mess anything up, that’s my job,” I tell him adamantly, pleased at the sound of his smallest of laughs. “I’m nervous too, like all of the time. I don’t want to screw this up either, but I’ve spent so many years wanting this with you - to be sitting on your sofa together at your house watching FRIENDS laughing together, and getting to kiss you, that I’m not just going to sit here and let it get the best of me. You shouldn’t either, Harry,” I tell him, my hand finding its way to him unsurprisingly. 

He leans into my hand that caresses his cheek, the pad of my thumb moving back and forth over his abrasive stubble. A ‘but’ jumps from his lips, but I don’t let any others follow when I place my lips on top of his. 

“Ya always know what t’ say, dontcha, bug?” Harry coos, flitting his eyes to mine under the shelter of his dense eyelashes.

“I thought you had that claimed, not me. That’s something you have to teach me. I swear, you have a way with words.”

“Dunno whatcha yer talkin’ ‘bout, love,” he tuts, shaking his head as he pulls me against his side, arm winding around my shoulder. 

“Look at that, you got the first ‘arm around the shoulder.’”

“No duh I did, ‘s tha man’s job,” he jokes, voice contorting into a deeper one that leaks with humor. My head heavy with dreams falls to his shoulder, and my hand strays to his chest. 

His hand brushes against my cheek, yanking my attention away from the show and to his patient eyes. He winks at me, followed by dipping down to press a kiss to the top of my head. 

“Alright?” I pose to him, taking a page from his book. 

“Can’t rememba tha last time I felt this ‘alright,’” he answers, the smile trickling into his eyes. “And you, bug?”

“I’m more than alright,” I comment, letting my eyes fall shut when he bumps his forehead against mine affectionately. A content sigh of mine, the first in a long time, tickles his chest as he falls back against the cushions. His fingernails leave zings of electricity among my arm underneath the fabric of my jumper, and soon they shoot across my head when his chin comes to rest there. 

“Which one ‘s this ‘gain?” he hums from above me, the words rumbling through his chest. The thum...thum of his heart resumes underneath my ear, and I feel as if I could fall asleep right here and now. 

“The One with the Candy Hearts,” I answer after pressing a button on the remote, hearing an ‘mmmm’ from his lips. 

“Could eat you up like a candy heart, yer so bloody cute,” he titters with words pointed at me, and I echo his happy sound. “Fook, it feels so good t’ finally get t’ say all tha cheesy flirtin’ rubbish I want t’ ya, Becks.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” I murmur chuckling, words soon stolen away by a yawn that ends with a smile when he scatters kisses along my cheek. 

“Don’t fall asleep now, bug. I might jus’ continue watchin’ tha rest o’ tha episode without you, like a certain sumbody I know,” Harry jests playfully, the most perfect sound igniting sparks across my cheek where his words land. “‘m kiddin. If ya need some shut-eye ‘s okay, ‘ll tell ya what happened when ya wake up, bug. I wouldn’t leave me favourite person out like that, not eeva.”

“Thanks,” I giggle, allowing my hand to stray to a chestnut ringlet that tickles his forehead. It draws his attention to my touch, and next, I find his green eyes with my own. “Harry, I have a request.”

“Ya, li’l one?” he hums in response, quirking an eyebrow in accompaniment. 

“After the episode is done, can we listen to some of your old records and paint each other’s nails?” I pose, the nerves peaking through in my voice. The approval pulls his lips up towards his cheeks once again, and I truly don’t think I could ever get sick of that smile.

Never, ever. 

“‘d love that, Becks. ‘ll hafta play some o’ me favourites fer ya.”

Sometimes, like in this very moment, I can’t remember there ever being a time when you stopped being my favorite person. There certainly were times, but they seem like other realities now, especially now that I know there’s no possibility that it could ever stop being you, Harry. It has always been you, and it will continue to always be you.

My Harry.

+

The sight in front of me still manages to baffle me, and it throws me for a further loop when I press my lips to her temple. She lets me, with the smallest of smiles gracing her blush lips. At times, it all feels like I’m in one of my dreams, until I realize that I indeed am living one of them. 

It’s about fucking time. 

Chandler and Joey bicker about something on the telly, but try as I might, I can’t get myself to focus on it. I didn’t miss a beat during the last episode, but now with the whiskey and wine coursing through me, the fear has fallen away. Her skin is warm against my lips, and the vanilla-orange blossom scent that she’s drenched in surrounds me. The easiest of smiles finds its way to my lips once again, and grows larger as I let my forehead meet her head.

“You’re supposed to be watching,” she whispers from below me, a soft amusement carrying her words. Opening my eyes, I find her long eyelashes flutter. Her scent trickles away when she moves her head, looking up at me curiously. The hint of a smile that’s been stuck to her lips ignites once again, keeping the fire alive within my heart. 

“What? ‘m good at multitaskin’,” I insist, knowing by now that we both can tell when the other is lying. 

“No, you aren’t. That’s why you get so little done on the days you bring your guitar to work,” Becks responds, widening her eyes a little at me to emphasize her words. 

“Rude,” I remark, but it’s stolen away by giggles. Hers and mine, and it might be the best sound I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing. 

As the seconds tick on, I keep wondering when I’m going to wake up and the dream will be over. When I close the small distance between us, catching her lips with my own, I hope I never have to wake up. They’re like honey against my own, sweet and golden. The taste of her fills me and for what must be the tenth time now, her top lip tastes better than I could have ever imagined. It fits between my own like a jigsaw piece, affirming my notions I’ve had about this girl for years on end. 

Her decadent giggle grazes my ears when her ocean blue eyes fill my own again. I can’t help but join her, taking part in all of these things with her. I’m beside myself with how so goddamn right they feel. The smile that my lips haven’t been without for days now is mirrored on her own, the very pair that I’m still amazed I just got to kiss. The lips I’ve been dying to kiss for the last two, incredibly long, years. 

“What are you thinking about, thumbing at your lip like that?” she wonders aloud, my very favourite voice in this entire world. Cocking her head to the side, she stares up at me. The warmth inside of me spreads amongst my limbs, tingling at the end of my fingers where one of her dark curls wraps around it. Too much like the way she’s had me wrapped around hers ever since that very first day I called her ‘Becks.’

It was history after that, they say. 

“Jus’ rememba’d an old friend I ran into tha otha day. ‘s a story you’d like,” I respond, enjoying the way the light catches the dark and light flecks of blue in her irises. The Holte Blue Eyes, they appear to be, and I can’t stop myself from thinking what a child of mine would look like with those blue eyes. 

“Who’s that?” she smiles, tipping her head to rest on my arm wound around her shoulder. The pads of my fingers explore her back, drawing shapes over her too adorable olive green knitted jumper. 

“Alcott- Professor Alcott,” I answer, observing the connection echoing in her eyes. Nodding, her blues remain perked up at me. I can’t think of a better sight in this whole universe, and it brings happiness to my lips like she can do without hardly trying. “That day I ran into you at tha market, I saw him there right afta. I guess it was a good day fer run-ins with old friends.”

My subsequent out of place laugh pulls her natural eyebrows together in question, one that she soon vocalizes, “What’s so funny, Harry?” 

“‘s not so much funny as jus’ . . I dunno, ratha perfect,” I answer, and the happiness spilling from her lips is accompanied by a raise of her eyebrows. “When I saw him afta I spoke t’ yer class that one day, tha first time ‘d seen ya in almost a year . . I erm, asked him ‘bout you. I had no bloody idea ya were goin’ back t’ finish yer LLB, and so I was full o’ questions afta seein’ you in his class. He had all good things t’ say ‘bout you, big surprise, and there was this one thing he said that I never forgot ‘bout.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” Becks says, almost on the edge of her seat at the revelation of my story. “Harry,” she giggles when I take too long to respond.

It doesn’t have anything to do with reluctance, but more so because of how fucked I am right now losing myself in her eyes. Those blues, my God. The thought continues to unravel, and my smile fills out at its discovery.

I really do hope that my children get to have those blue eyes of hers one day, they’re the most gorgeous color I’ve ever seen. 

“Sorry . . He said sumthin’ ‘bout you comin’ back t’ work at me firm once ya graduated. ‘Circle of Life,’ he called it, so it was funny when I ran into him at tha market. I was beside meself with glee gettin’ t’ tell him that you did indeed come back t’ work with me. He was happy t’ hear it and ‘s very proud o’ you, as am I,” I share, and the confession plants the dimple into her left cheek.

After all of this time, I think I’ve figured it out. I can only find it there when the happiness engulfs her, surprising her with its intensity, letting the dimple out of hiding. 

“And did you tell him?” she ponders, now getting all shy on me by averting her eyes. I don’t think I have much to complain about, seeing how she’s tracing the outline of a tattoo on my forearm. A ‘what’ whispers from my lips as the curl relaxes around my finger, and my hand wanders to her cheek, pulling her back to me. “That you had a crush on me?”

“I did, ya, but I don’t think that’s how I phrased it,” I chuckle, finding the redness in her cheeks that also sit in mine. “Don’t think ‘d call it that, would you?”

Her answer is sufficed by a shrug of her shoulders, and quickly I’m losing my lips in the brown freckles scattered across her neck. My name flies from hers in a titter as my arms surround her. 

“Hmmm?” I hum against her skin, finding the hollow below her ear with my eager lips.

“No, I guess I wouldn’t call it that, either,” she laughs, the words vibrating beneath my lips. Letting my eyes fall closed, I lean into her and feel her curl up against me. “It’s far more than that,” Becks says softly, carding a hand through my curls. Bringing me forth, I move away from her to find those ocean deep eyes sitting on me. An honor, indeed.

Bloody hell, what a fucking honor it would be if my children had that twinkle in their eye and that song in their laugh, too. As well as that one little cheek dimple, just like Becks.

I don’t even care at this point how carried away I’m getting.

“Sure ‘s, bug,” I murmur, my surroundings soon cloaked in darkness when her lips find mine. Her hair falls through my fingers like buttery taffy when it finds the back of her head. Her lips taste like strawberries and sunshine, and not even because of the wine. Specks of chocolate hide in them, surprising me with their sweetness, just like she keeps doing to me.

I may never get over how sweet my little bug is, and that’s just fine with me, because I finally have all of the time I want to get used to it. Although I’m unsure if it will ever be enough, I know that Becky undoubtedly is.

A laugh sputters from her lips, bringing an end to our kiss.

“What’re you laughin’ ‘bout, Rebecca?” I snicker, nudging my nose against hers, stealing another peck from her candy coated lips.

“First, you saying my name like that, and secondly, keep playing with my hair,” is all she says, joined by her head falling to my chest. The disappointment at the absence of her lips is short when I’m again amazed by how effortlessly she gets me going with her head on my chest.

“Why ‘s that funny?” I ask, keeping my word and letting her satiny waves run through my fingers. Glancing away, I find her eyes flutter closed against the fabric of my shirt. The weight of her on my front feels comforting, and so does this entire thing. It’s just comforting the mere fact of her being here with me, and in my arms.

I still have a hard time believing my eyes.

“You’ll see.”

A question knits my brows together as I giggle, combing my hand through the front of her hair until I reach its end moments later, sorting out the snarls. Her breathing begins to slow and her body stills against mine.

“Becks, dontch’u fall asleep on me, bug. Our episode isn’t ova quite yet,” I snicker. The champagne bubbles that have filled my insides over the last few weeks climb higher and higher when her lips mirror the action.

“I will if you keep playing with my hair.”

“Ah, so ‘ve found yer weakness, have I?” I reply, looking down and placing my puckered lips on the crown of her head.

“Mmmhmm, it’s always been able to lull me to sleep, and relax me. My dad always did it when I was little.”

“Noted,” I murmur against her hair, letting my cheek fall to rest atop her head. My arms sing when they embrace her, welcoming the familiarity they find.

“Doesn’t help that yer a proper li’l heater too, yer makin’ me wanna fall asleep now too, bug. ‘s only six-thirty,” I yawn, my eyelids growing heavy as she snuggles into me. 

“Then take a little cat nap with me, Harry,” Becks yawns, burrowing deeper into the hollow of my neck. “I’ll keep you warm.”

“‘Kay, ‘ll just shut me eyes . . fer a few minutes,” I drawl, knowing that the slow rise of her chest on mine will soon take me away into dreamland.

I don’t know what I could possibly dream about that’s better than this, though. Perhaps little dark haired babies with her blue eyes and dimples set into their cheeks, sat upon her lap.

Oh, please.

+

A feeling that I had hoped and dreamed years for, sticks with each step I take the next morning after getting off onto Seventeen. I haven’t been able to kick the smile that arrived on my lips the moment I parked my car, and my cheeks have only grown more tired since then. 

Like every other morning, he’s nowhere to be found. Missing in action. Although I sat at his side with his arm around me until nine o’clock last night, my heart aches for him worse than any other morning at work. 

I spend no time dropping off my own messenger bag in my office, along with my lunch and thermos of coffee. My heart speeds up its racing when I slip into his office searching for him to no avail.

I’m ready to throw in the towel until I remember his not so hiding place from last time, and once again, there I find him with a stack of papers in his hands. A smile winds its way up my lips at the sight of him pressing his lips together, creating comical popping noises. 

It all feels surreal and so quickly, seeing him there dressed to the nines in another handsome suit. He’s back, and he’s all mine. I don’t quite know how we’re going to do this whole thing, but I can’t fucking wait. I’m unsure of how different it will be at the firm and as his mentee, but I know we’ll make it work.

After the last few years of shit we’ve went through, this seems like a piece of cake, or so I hope. 

“Morning,” I almost whisper, wishing I was threading my arms around his middle right now and not standing across the room. Instead, they sit flat against my front, hands clasped at my waist. His shiny brunette curls tickle his temples when he looks up fast and over to me, the light of a thousand suns filling his face. 

“G’mornin’, bug. What’re ya doin’ all tha way ova there, huh, why’re you bein’ a stranger?” Harry grins, waving a hand over to me while the large copier makes whirring noises, taking his document away. 

A nervous laugh tumbles from me as I take slow steps over to him, unsure if the smile climbing his cheeks at the mere sight of me is true. 

I wonder if seeing is believing. 

“C’mere, ya slow poke,” he titters, holding out an arm towards me. Finally, my heart begins to slow down. It only truly does once my cheek touches his shoulder and our arms settle around the other. “Mornin’, my Becks. Sumbody looks tired, I see. ‘m sorry I kept ya up last night with our texts.” 

“It’s okay,” I yawn, tipping my head towards his eyes that await mine. “I had lots of fun talking to you about all sorts of things after I got home.”

“So did I, bug, so did I,” he agrees, leaving a whispery kiss on my forehead with his lips that smell of coconut chapstick. Hmm, I wonder if they taste like coconut too, and the budding thought stirs up a craving I’ve had for his lips since I woke this morning. “Don’t be fallin’ asleep on me t’day, tho’. We have work t’ do.”

“Hey, you stole my line!” I giggle, staring up at him through my lashes doused in a few extra coats of mascara. 

“Seems we’re even then,” he grins with a cheeky wink, earning a nod from me. The dimples remain in his cheeks marked by the stubble that I’m coming to like more and more, a sure surprise to me. “Ya look gorgeous once again, bug. There’s jus’ sumthin’ ‘bout ya in yer lawyer getup that gets me goin’,” he chuckles, the last few words muffled against my cheek. A blush rises on my own and I move ever so slowly until his lips are a breath away from mine. 

“Now you know how I’ve felt all of these years,” I admit breathlessly, the mere sight of him stripping the breath from my lungs. 

“Do I now, li’l one?” he teases, brushing the back of his finger against my cheek. His cheeks soon match mine with a warm pink that fills my eyes before he envelopes my lips with his own, finally. They’re smooth and pillowy against mine, and within moments, I taste the coconut chapstick coating them. 

The notifying bleep! of the copier nudges at my ears, but the sound of a voice outside the door pulls me away from his lips. A glint sits in his eyes when I find the courage to meet them before turning around. I’ve put only a few feet in between us when I hear the click! of the door opening, and Rose’s sing-song voice. 

“Are we hiding from our job in the copier room, again? If you’re doing it, then it must be okay for me to do it too,” she jokes, her fiery waves tickling the jade fabric of her long sleeved blouse. 

“Hey, don’t be puttin' words in me mouth,” Harry scoffs. With a new glossy black folder I found on the supply shelf, I turn around to find Rose rolling her eyes at him. 

“I don’t know how you do it spending every minute of every work day with him. Four hours, give or take, a week spent with him is enough for me,” she sighs jokingly, her words wrapped up with a wink. An amused smile curls at the edge of my lips as I face her, nervously tapping the folder against my thigh. 

“I don’t know how I do it sometimes, either,” I sigh, throwing up my hands in a shrug. 

“Hey, would you two stop gangin’ up on me? Bloody hell, ‘m yer boss,” Harry exclaims in utter disbelief, but by now I hardly have to listen for the tell tale signs of sarcasm in his caramel voice. I know that they’re already there.

“Oooo, I’m so scared,” Rose whines, yanking a laugh from my lips as she dunks a hand into the open box of pens on a shelf. “I swear, Myles nicks all of the good pens when they come in, it’s no fair.” 

“Maybe you could trade him some for your Styles and Lawson coffee mug,” I suggest with another laugh bubbling within my voice, soon joined by Rose’s loud laugh.

“Good one, Becky,” she chuckles, her long gold earrings dancing with her movements. “Have I told you yet that I’m glad you hired her again?” she poses to Harry with a smile. When I follow her eyes, I’m rewarded with Harry’s glimmering pair. No longer is a smirk waiting in them for me, but something else entirely, and it’s that very sparkle he let loose for me just a couple days ago. 

“I think ya have, once or twice,” he hums softly. “Can’t blame ya tho’, she’s a riot, alright. Pretty happy meself fer bringin’ her back.”

Oh, Harry, the things you can do to me with just a few words. And I know that you’re well aware of just that. 

“Those mugs, though. I don’t know, Myles must have ordered a hundred of them when the firm was born, because I get one every year for Christmas without fail,” Rose mutters, taking apart the empty pen box before tossing it in the recycling bin. 

“Don’t look at me, I tell him tha very same things - that they’re cheesy, tha font isn’t even right, and that we need t’ order new ones if he’s so keen on givin’ ‘em out,” Harry argues, holding his hands up in defense. 

“Yeah, keep talking, Harry. As if you’re not drinking out of one this very second with that shit-eating grin on your face,” she responds, and a laugh sputters from my lips without my approval. Harry’s eyes cast over to me and he shakes his head at me with narrowed eyes, over his onyx colored mug. It’s all for show, and soon he’s winking at me. 

“Good luck with spending forty hours a week with this one. I think you’re stuck with him, you poor thing,” she remarks, clucking her tongue as she slaps the pen against her palm rhythmically. 

“Yeah,” I huff, dragging my eyes over to Harry with a smile absent from my face. “I don’t know how I’m going to do it either, I’m stuck with him for a few years at least.”

“You better get out while you still can!” she jests with faux wariness injected into her voice. Laughing, she slips out through the door as my eyes fall to the floor. I try to hide the amused sounds escaping my lips, but I find them growing louder as his footsteps sound in my ears. 

“So, yer ‘stuck with me,’ are ya now?” Harry rasps from behind me. I nearly rise off the floor when his fingers dance along my sides, eliciting surprised shrieks into the air. 

“Harry!” I exclaim, goosebumps forming along my neck when his breathy laughs coast over the skin. “Yeah, I guess I am.” 

“‘m ratha happy ya are, y’know.”

“So am I. I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I respond, spinning around to find his smirking lips once more. Unlike his, mine slowly plummet and too soon, I find his doing the same. 

“Neitha would I, bug, but . . how come ya don’t sound too sure o’ that?”

“I am, I don’t know what you mean,” I say, sheepishly. Not helping my case, my eyes fall to his hands. The typical rings don most of his long fingers dotted with dark hairs. I mingle my own with his by lacing ours together. 

“Y’know, ‘ve been able t’ tell when yer lyin’ fer years now, ya don’t have me fooled. You look away and don’t say much when yer lyin,’ they’re yer poker ‘tells’ . . .  Now, what’s tha matta, Becks?” he hums gently. A breath catches in my chest when the callused tip of his finger ghosts along my cheek, replacing a strand of hair behind my ear. “Becks?” he asks once more, and I hear it. I recognize it, because it’s the very emotion threatening to consume the happiness that’s been drenching my insides.

Fear. 

“How are we going to do this, Harry?” I question, finally lifting my eyes to his. “I don’t want this to sound bad, because I want this more than anything, so please don’t be upset. I-,” I try to explain, but he doesn’t give me the chance to continue. Unlike all of those times he stepped on my toes when I first met him, he’s doing a fine job of wishing those away with none other than his lips. 

His velvety aegean blazer is satiny beneath my fingertips when I gather the front of it into my palms, pulling him closer. I feel his smirk against my lips, but all too soon it’s not long enough and he’s pulling away. His dimples fill my eyes and next, those shiny green eyes consume my sight. 

“Jus’ like this, like we’ve been doin’. Behind closed doors, my love,” he mumbles, sealing the words with a soft peck. Those very two words send shivers down my spine, and zings of electricity right to my heart. “I wanna show ya off here, believe me I do, but at work I think ‘s betta if we keep it professional in front o’ e’rybody else,” he explains, and the second the horses leave the gates, I’m nodding along with him. A relieved sigh blankets the air in front of me when I’m graced with the knowledge that he too agrees. “I know it blows and it’ll be hard, but ‘s fer tha best, Becks. Outside o’ work and behind closed doors tho’, anythin’s game . . . Alright?”

“Yeah, I’m more than alright. I was thinking the same thing . . I’m here to be your mentee and to learn from you so I can one day, hopefully, be even half as good of a lawyer as you . . Dating you is just a bonus.”

Scarlet engulfs his golden skin while my favorite song in the entire universe tickles my ears, “I couldn’t agree mo’, li’l one. We got some fun in store fer us, that’s fer sure,” he rasps, pulling me against his front, and there, I melt like I did for the very first time, all those years ago.

I hold onto him tightly, never wanting to let him go. 

No, never again, will I. There’s nothing in this world that could ever take him away from me again, I won’t let it. 

[panickedvulture]

Found this in my drafts, so I’m posting it with no shame to give this blog some life while I’m busy trying to deal with post-endgame feels in the mcu sector of tumblr:

So I had a dream last night that made me realize I spend too much time on this site because it included some of my mutuals and people I enjoy like @theuriearchives ,@yagirlcammmm ,@i-think-im-ready-to-go ,@canyousevmyheavydirtysoul ,@dunjosephurieimagines , and @andbeingblueisbetter to name a few.

I have very vivid dreams and since I write all of them down I figured why not write it here where everyone can see it.

The genre for this dream: a mystery.

The setting: A beautiful cabin (apparently mine) plucked straight out of a “Visiting your SO’s family for the holidays” or a “fake-dating for a visit to your frenemy’s family” AU, my personal favorite. And there was a snowstorm going on outside.

I should also mention everybody had their own appearance. Usually I attach someone’s name with the face in their profile pic, meaning about everybody in this I previously imagined as Brendon Urie at different angles and in different lighting. But thanks to my brain randomly generating faces for everybody, I will be greatly confused in the case that I ever learn what you actually look like.

So, the topic at hand is, as it always is, Brendon Urie. Everybody’s cuddled up on the couch and on the floor in their pajamas drinking hot chocolate, eating dessert, and writing/giving ideas. In the background AFYCSO plays on an old record player, the fire is flickering beautifully alongside some black and white videos of old Panic! performances playing on one of those old big-backed TVs with lines across the screen – at this moment I feel like I am once again a preschooler laying on my stomach and watching movies in a pile of other preschoolers at my old after-school program but I digress–

Then somebody has the audacity to break into my house.

Me being the host of this gathering, I feel obligated to check on the noise. It doesn’t help that literally everyone stops what they’re doing to push me in the direction of the mysterious noise before going back to talking about the size of Brendon Urie’s dick (a conversation brought up by i-think-im-ready-to-go, just thought I should mention that).

So I get up, the second my back is turned nobody cares and I go into the bathroom only to find it flooded because this intruder flushed literally everything it could down the toilet.

To name a few things, it flushed:

1) The monstrous dildo linked on a post by beautiful-tragic-fallout (i don’t mean to call anybody out but its been on my dash with every damn refresh for the past week), who i-think-im-ready-to-go and theuriearchives make a point to explain is out of the house buying us more chocolate-covered strawberries.

2) Every single piece of Pretty. Odd. memorabilia I can imagine because someone just has it out for that album.

3) For those of you who have seen Monsters Inc, the toys Boo flushed down the toilet in that one scene.

4) An entire manuscript that my mind recognizes as smut written by @xxip-smut

5) And pink, fucking, crocs

So I walk back into the living room and round everybody up, declaring we’re on a manhunt for whoever the fuck had the audacity to break into my house, and with that we separate into groups. Accompanying me is Cam who wields a flamethrower while wearing pastel yellow pajamas with baby elephants printed on them.

Eventually after getting tired of Cam pointing the flamethrower at my head even when in ‘resting position’ and scaring the shit out of me, we go into the basement only to find everybody else chose to search the basement and the rest of you have been arguing about who actually gets to search the basement.

Long story short, the basement doesn’t get searched.

Instead to deal with the tension, dunjosephurieimagines suggests we all go back to talking about Brendon’s dick. So we go back to talking about Brendon’s dick.

We sit on the floor in a circle in this basement not realizing its dark and creepy as hell, and if you’ve seen That 70s Show the ‘camera’ moves around in this circle to focus on the face of whoever’s talking. The conversation adds up to smut, theuriearchives pulls out a blunt and i-think-im-ready-to-go pulls out a gun, we start playing russian roulette. Out of guilt for not writing a request sent to me months ago because I suck, I give andbeingblueisbetter a free shot at me. Being a saint they don’t take the opportunity yet.

So anyway, being high and creative a thought comes to us all at once. This thought…where the fuck is @loverontheleft ?

Now we’re all mad and sad and scared and alone because where, the fuck, is cece? Everybody starts asking everybody if they’ve seen her, we conclude the answer is no and we all start freaking out.

Then we realize canyousevmyheavydirtysoul (codename: Sev) is being really quiet.

We all turn and just stare like “So um….whats up?”

Flash-forward, this is all of us trying to figure out cece’s identity, sev is just sitting on the floor smiling and reacting to everything we say with reaction gifs they pull up on their phone, meanwhile we’re all screaming running around, we’ve made a literal office out of this basement and we have glasses and slip-on ties on top of our pajamas.

Then there’s a noise upstairs because we forgot there was someone who broke into my house.

Y’all turn on me and push me up the stairs to my death, I realize this is the cabin that appears in the bodyguard series at one point (wonderfully written by canyousevmyheavydirtysoul, binge it), and in front of me is the super fancy dining room table. There’s mail on it, some envelopes, and I’m like uh no and turn around to come back downstairs.

But you’re all at the bottom of the stairs staring at me and threatening me with your knives and Cam’s flamethrower – where you got the knives I don’t know. I hesitate in turning around for a second so andbeingblueisbetter shoots me.

But I’m like, you know, walk it off. So I do and I go to the table. I’m terrified, break out into a nervous sweat, but it’s fine.

I go and open the folder.

And O - fucking - kay

If you haven’t read the bodyguard series or ready to leap I’m not gonna detail any spoilers, just the main plot given right away, and even if you have it probably won’t help this make any more sense. Here….is the story:

Our beloved Cece started off as a teacher, right? But not just any teacher, Ms. fucking Milton, who started a relationship with the music teacher of her high school, Mr. Urie, who in this case is in fact Brendon Urie of our universe and lead singer of Panic! at the Disco. But the deal with him is that he got tired of the fame and through extensive work he managed to get rid of all the files that legally point to him as being Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco. And for the first few years of his teaching, all the kids knew he was Brendon Urie I mean come on, but eventually the whole school and town settle on the idea that this is just one of those situations where twins are separated at birth and coincidentally given the same exact name. So boom, they do what they do – but newsflash, Cece is Y/n from the Bodyguard series and knowing Mr. Urie’s relationship with Ms. Milton, S.H.I.E.L.D pulls a Hydra Bucky Barnes situation in order to train Brendon into the best damn bodyguard the world could imagine because Cece is a valuable asset that needs the absolute best protection. Canyousevmyheavydirtysoul was like a journalist or something for S.H.I.E.L.D and witnessed all of this go down, knows every little thing about these two. So they get trained, they get close, drama happens, then they’re all put under-cover. Brendon goes back to being Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco, Sev and Cece are assigned to live their current lives and specifically assigned to write their stories for this Tumblr community to get everybody off their trails.

And then I look up. And there’s cece and I think…

“She is about to fucking, kill me.”

I try to throw the folders at her but for some reason I can’t throw anything in my dreams, so I get frustrated that my arm just won’t work, Cece in the meanwhile uses this time to approach me. My mind can’t even generate her an appearance and I think that she’s wearing a disguise because she’s like a spy or something that did after all break into my house to clog my toilet with dildos.

We maintain eye contact for what my dream-self recalls as a long time. I feel this energy in my soul I have never felt before and it is not fun, I don’t like it.

She takes the folder from me and gives me a red one.

And with her eyes piercing my soul, I get this feeling that literally has my skin vibrating even after I wake up, and I hear this voice that’s like “I know you know. And I’m watching you.”

So I woke up in a cold sweat obviously and tried to suppress this whole thing but it kinda lingered in the back of my mind all day. Then the weird tiny details came back to haunt me when I saw the elephants at the zoo. 

[anchorsandadderall]

Love Me Tinder

Laura Hale Appreciation Week

Day 5 Theme: Lovable Laura

Also on AO3

Laura doesn’t ask how Erica got ahold of her phone. She stopped asking questions like that a long time ago. She just gives in to her own position of powerlessness in the universe (which is supposed to be peaceful, according to her yoga instructor) and sets the plastic tray on the table. 

“Laura, how are we supposed to have a Tinder Update meeting if you’ve deleted the Tinder app?” Erica asks, turning that unimpressed look on Laura. Ugh, now she knows how Isaac feels. That’s some powerful judgement in those smoky eyes.

“I used it for over a week,” Laura protests, sitting across from her and taking her phone back. “That counts.”

“Not when there’s also no new phone numbers and not a single dick pic.” Erica grabs her styrofoam cup. “And you got a muffin.”

“You like muffins.”

“You’re buttering me up with pastries.”

Laura groans and rubs her forehead. “You know, you’re supposed to respect your Alpha.”

“Sure.” Erica pries the top off of the muffin and pushes the stump away. “So. Let’s hear the tragic tale.”

~~

“Okay, so first there was Kevin. We matched pretty well and he sent me cute pictures of his dog, so we decided to get dinner. He came to pick me up-”

“You gave a guy your address?” 

Laura gives her a Look. “I could have snapped him in half.”

“Fine, carry on.”

“So Kevin came to pick me up on Thursday night…”

“Hi!” Laura says, probably with too much enthusiasm, when she opens the door. Kevin is as cute as his picture, with his surfer hair and his dimples. 

“Hi! You must be Laura.” The guy is smiling just as wide and also sounding way too excited. Oh thank god, someone else who’s bad at this. Laura knows basic dating. Classic, awkward as hell, ‘let me sell myself like this is a job interview’ dating. Familiar territory, this is good. 

“Yes. Yes, I am. And you must be Kevin.” Who else would he be? At least she’s still good at the awkward part of this. 

“That’s me. Glad you recognize me without Kiki posing with me.”

Laura laughs and grabs her keys from the hook by the door. “Not that I object to men showing up with bulldogs tucked under their arm, but-”

BANG

Laura startles when the walls shake a little from something upstairs. Kevin must have heard it too because he’s looking at the ceiling of the foyer with concern.

“Uh… everything okay?”

‘Yes. Everything is absolutely fine. We should definitely go, right now, while I can still assume everything is fine,’ should have come out of Laura’s mouth. 

“My brother is home,” is what Laura says instead. “I… should probably run upstairs and check on him, actually. Uh, come in.” She steps back and lets Kevin into the foyer. It seems rude to make him stand outside on the porch. 

Laura takes the steps up two at a time. When there a second, loud BANG, she takes them three at a time and sprints down the hall, shoving the door open. 

“What-”

Derek scowls at her from where he has Stiles shoved back against the wall with his arms pinned over his head in a way that makes his shirt lift just enough to show off a sliver of stomach. Laura doesn’t miss the last flicker of blue that dies out in Derek’s eyes.

“Seriously?” she asks, looking between the two of them.

“Weren’t you leaving on a date with some weird online guy?” Derek asks, not even pretending to be ashamed.

“He’s not a weird online guy. Lots of people meet online.” Laura puts her hands on her hips. “What have I told you about manhandling Stiles?”

“He likes it,” Derek says, shrugging and leaning in to nudge Stiles’ neck with his nose. 

“I don’t mind,” Stiles agrees. “But you should be nicer, dude. Meeting online is totally acceptable these days. What’s he like, Laura?”

Laura rubs her sinuses. “He’s patient enough to wait downstairs while you two slam each other around up here.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “Sounds like a keeper.”

Stiles hits his shoulder. “Sorry Laura. We didn’t mean to delay you. Uh… have fun on your date?”

Laura sighs and shuts the door just in time to hear something (probably Stiles) hit the wall again. Or maybe it was the desk this time. “Stop with the dominance displays, Derek! Jesus!” It takes her until halfway down the stairs when she suddenly smells Kevin again that she remembers she left him standing in full hearing range. 

“Oh my god, I’m really sorry you had to hear that,” she says as she makes it to the landing. “My brother is just… rowdy.”

“Oh, sure,” Kevin agrees way too quickly. And Laura can see him looking around the room and then back at the door. Well, that’s probably not good. “Look, uh… I’m not…” Kevin looks like he’s trying to pick his words carefully. Tactfully, even, which is kind of him. Damn, this was a nice one. “I’m not really a part of your scene. No judgement, okay? Just not my thing.”

“My… scene?”

“Yeah, S&M is just a little… heavy for me. Uh, it was super great to meet you, though. And I’ll tell Kiki you were awesome.” And then Kevin is backing out the door and making a beeline for his car so fast that Laura doesn’t think it’s worth yelling after him that she actually thinks chains are a total mood killer.

~~

“Well… at least he respectfully declined.”

“Erica.” Laura grabs the discarded stump of muffin and peels the wrapper down. She deserves chocolate chip goodness after all of this. “So then Jerome happened. We made it all the way to dinner, at least.”

Jerome is pretty okay. Their match wasn’t super strong, and he’s got a car with way too many crude bumper stickers. There’s at least four of them of Calvin peeing on other vehicle logos. This on the back of a Toyota Cressida, which doesn’t really seem like bragging territory but… Laura gets it. She loves her car too. She would never junk her up with stickers and let her get quite as dirty as Jerome’s car, but…

Judging, Laura. Stop it. It’s a car. And maybe he just has a more juvenile sense of humor. That’s not a deal breaker. And even if it was, they haven’t even gotten their entrees yet. And he’s had some good stories from when he was in the basic training for the army. 

“Shit, sorry,” Laura says when she has to fumble for her phone in her purse right as Jerome is getting to the good part where one of the snooty recruits in his group is probably about to get a lousy deployment order as comeuppance for being snooty.

(“You answered your phone on a date?”

“I told him I had siblings. I know dating protocols, stop looking at me like that.”)

It’s a number she doesn’t recognize, so she sends it to voicemail. “Probably a telemarketer. Okay, so you guys were all getting your orders?”

“Yeah,” Jerome nods. “So we’re all getting out deployment orders, right? And Johnson, he just knows he’s gonna get some sweet gig like Germany. Everyone wants to go to Germany.”

Laura’s phone buzzes to show she has a message before she’s even got it pack into her purse. She glances at it. Shit, what if someone got arrested or something?

“Uh.. I’m gonna need to check this. Sorry.”

“Sure,” Jerome sighs, pushing back from the table. “I’m gonna hit the men’s room.” 

“Thanks.” Laura immediately takes the voicemail.

“Good evening,” a pleasant, mechanical female voice says. “This is American Express. We need to verify your recent purchase for one hundred and twenty-one dollars and forty-four cents.”

Laura rubs the bridge of her nose as she hangs up and dials again.

“Yeah?” Cora says when she picks up.

“Cora. I thought you were just taking Lydia to dinner,” she says, forcing her voice to stay calm and steady. 

“Yeah, I just dropped her off. Why?”

“You spent over a hundred dollars in a restaurant?” Laura will not lose her temper in the middle of a dining room full of strangers. She will not. 

“Yeah. It was a nice place.”

“There are no restaurants that nice in Beacon Hills. What the hell did you two have?”

“Well, I had a steak.”

“Uh huh.”

“A big steak.”

“Cora.”

“And Lydia had a salad with chicken.” Laura can hear the eye roll in Cora’s voice that says ‘as always.’

“And dessert was… what? Gold?”

“No. Lydia didn’t want dessert. She’s on a no-sugar kick again.”

“Cora!” Laura forces an apologetic smile when Jerome chooses that moment to come back to the table. Great, he’s looking at her weird now.

“I just ordered a few salads to go, geeze!”

“What? Why?” Laura feels like there’s something she’s just not getting because Cora seems to think this is all pretty normal. 

“For Lydia.”

“Why did you need more salads for Lydia if you already ate?”

“Y’know. In case she got hungry later. Like, when no one is there to bring her food.”

Laura watches a drop of condensation slide down her glass and down onto the table cloth as she tries to fit these puzzle pieces into any other order, but she’s pretty sure she’s got it. Oh god… “Are you… are you trying to provide for Lydia?”

“What? No!” Cora scoffs, sounding as offended as possible.

“Oh my god, you are!” Laura isn’t sure if this is horrifying or hilarious. It might be both. “You’re a step away from dragging a deer carcass to her door!”

“Laura, no I’m not! Shut up, you don’t even know what you’re saying!”

“I’m saying you’re courting a human with a food display!” Cora abruptly hangs up the phone and leaves Laura very alone and very aware of the conversation she just had in a crowded dining room.

~~

“So… that probably didn’t go much further.”

Laura glares at Erica. “You think?” she mutters around a mouthful of her muffin. “It was a disaster.”

“Was that the worst one, at least?”

“I gave it one more shot,” Laura says darkly. “Because I just don’t fucking learn.”

Laura and Laird are not going to be a thing. For one, the alliteration in their names would make for an introduction where everyone laughs awkwardly at the end. After an amazingly bad nine days on Tinder, Laura doesn’t even give a fuck if that’s a stupid reason. Also, though, she’s pretty sure they don’t really like each other much. Or dislike each other much. There were only so many people in Beacon Hills on Tinder, though, and a vague match was good enough for one quick round of Netflix and chill, never to be spoken about again.

It takes two beers and a shared plate of onion rings at a sports bar for them to decide that they’re both fed up with dating apps and horny enough to settle on this for tonight. Laura excuses herself to the bathroom so she can call Derek and let him know she’ll be out tonight so he doesn’t show up at some ungodly hour thinking he has to murder someone.

“Hi Laura,” Cora says cheerfully. Well, that sets the alarm bells off instantly.

“Why are you answering Derek’s phone? And what’s wrong?” she asks, frowning.

“Uh… nah, I think it’s all fine. Derek can’t come to the phone right now.” Something shatters in the background, and then something heavy falls against something else. “How’s your date?”

“What the hell is going on there?”

“Derek and Scott are having a mild disagreement.”

Laura winces, hearing something wooden splinter. “It sounds like they’re trying to kill each other.”

“Well… yeah, but they’ll knock it off.”

Laura sighs. “What are they fighting about?”

“Derek said Scott touches Stiles too much and said he’s scenting him. Scott wouldn’t knock it off, so then Derek started scenting Isaac. Now they’re both pissed.”

“Great. I’m on my way. Tell them if either one of them are dead by the time I get home, I’m going to be pissed.”

~~

“So after I got home and separated them and figured out how much shit was broken, I deleted the app.” Laura shoves the last bite of the muffin into her mouth and chews moodily.

“Jesus,” Erica breathes, and she actually looks impressed. “I can’t even say you’ve up too easily. You have the worst dating luck ever.”

“I’m running two relationships pretty successfully right now.”

Erica barks out a laugh, like she wasn’t expect to. “Yeah, but you’re not actually in either of them.”

Laura sighs and brushes away the crumbs from the muffin demolition. “Yeah, well. What are big sisters for?”

[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: Tokyo Treat Dec 18

Ironically, I just filled out a survey the other day about this box. Changes will probably be coming to it, but not for a handful of boxes yet considering how far behind I am. If the box does change, I just help I like it~

Meanwhile I still haven’t gotten my delivery. As of tomorrow it’ll have been two weeks since it sent.

“Everyone’s favorite time of year is finally here! The holidays have begun and cheer is flowing throughout the air. It is time to be generous to those around you, give and receive gifts, and to enjoy a good time with those dear to you. With that in mind, we curated a fun holiday Santa’s Snacks box so that you can share a relaxing time snacking on fun holiday themed Japanese snacks with friends and family. We hope you enjoy all the many snacks inspired by Japanese holiday culture and that this month’s snack box warms your heart during this holiday season. Who will you be sharing your snacks this month with? Whomever it is, we hope you have a great holiday!“

So because of pictures, I didn’t include the Lucky Treat or prize pics. The Lucky Treat is entirely Crayon Shin-chan dedicated (I’m not a big fan of that series so I don’t really mind not getting this one...) while the prizes are Vocaloid based. Those I’d have loved to get.

The book also features an article on Christmas traditions in Japan (like ordering KFC), and one on onsen.

Fanta Mango Jelly Drink & DIY

As usual I’ll be covering the DIY in a new topic- only because I do have a handful of pictures and a few choice words...

Okay, so our first item is a jellied, mango Fanta drink. It might be a little strange to have in December, but right now when it’s June it couldn’t be better timing!

Each can is 68kcal, which I think is pretty nice because with it being full of jelly it’s bound to fill you up a bit more than a normal drink would, and if you happen to be weight conscious or don’t want a big meal it could be a good addition to the meal.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I feel like if you like mango you’ll love this, but there’s a small chance if you don’t like mango you might still like it. Whatever you do do not smell it >3< maybe it’s just me, but as much as I like mango it always stinks. It’ll taste good but the smell is very unpleasant.

Texture is another thing to take into mind because this drink has it. If you don’t like gelatinous things this might not be something you would consider trying. I love jelly textures though :P

Salty Green Pea Mini Chips & Vegetable Potato Sticks

Next up are two semi-healthy vegetable themed savory snacks! The share pack item are the bags of potato sticks by Calbee, Each bag is only 44kcal and packed with 9 vegetables! You can even see bits of them in each stick.

These I’m pretty sure I’ve had before, but I don’t really remember so i will be rating them just to make sure.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

The flavor is light but it’s there, it doesn’t really taste like one specific vegetable though. It kind of reminds me of a very light, non-breath threatening sour cream and onion. They have a medium-crisp.

Our next item are these mini chips by Bourbon, in salted pea flavor. Every 37 grams (which might be the entire bag) is 1 serving, for a total of 207kcal.

It’s hard to tell in the pic, but they kind of have a faint green coloring.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I didn’t really like these when I first tried them, I didn’t taste anything but some salt. However, the more of them you eat the more the flavor comes through, but oddly they don’t really taste like peas to me (I hate peas so it’s not a big deal), they make me think more of pistachio.

Apple Chocobi & Bourbon Strawberry Chocolate Chips

Okay, you can probably tell by now that Bourbon is kinda featured a lot in the box. Not a big deal though cause they got a lot of variety :3

Our first item in this pic is the Apple-flavored Chocobi. I admit I’m not a huge fan of these, usually because they go stale before I can finish them and they’re too sweet in my opinion. But I do like to try new flavors, and I love apples so I decided to remain open minded about this one.

These are made from apples all the way in Nagano Japan, and this set includes some cute, Crayon Shin-chan stickers in various locations in Japan.The one I got is Kagoshima.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I was very surprised by how tasty these are~ They are sweet but not cloyingly, and they actually taste like real apples, but they kind of remind me of cereal too.

For now, I think these might be my favorite (or at least liked) chocobi :3

Our next item I was very excited to try! I love strawberry chocolate, and chocolate-covered chips are usually-always delicious~

Each pack is 199kcal.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

They pretty much taste like their name “chips covered in strawberry chocolate“, with a hint of salt. It makes me think of eating McDonalds fries with strawberry milk or ice cream actually, but they are delicious!

The flavor might be a bit odd, but I really think it’s good. I want to keep eating them~

Kumamon White Sesame Cracker

Our next item is a dense white sesame cracker, I think it also has a very light glaze and broken up pieces of nut in it. It kind of looks like something you would give a bird doesn’t it?

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I thought it was kind of yummy, I love sesame seeds. But I also feel like I taste a bit of peanut, which I hate. I also didn’t like how dry it left my mouth after eating it. It’s also a little bitter, and sweet.

I feel like this is an “acquired“ item, because I gave a piece of it to my mom and she dislikes sesame seeds. Now, I’ve given her mochi with sesame seeds and she doesn’t seem to hate them, but this she didn’t like at all.

See, it’s unique things like this I wish they gave us more often. Maybe more rice-based products?

Melon Bread Cookies & Burnt Caramel Taiyaki

Next up we have two sweet items, first up being a small cookie based on Melon Pan (bread that resembles a melon. Only some of them actually taste like melon though).

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥

I’d say the melon-flavoring is a medium-high in rating, and I think the cookie might be shortbread. I thought it was nice for a bite sized cookie.

The larger item on the side is inspired by a Taiyaki (fish-shaped pancake-like treats filled with cream, jam, or chocolate). This is a popular snack item by meito and is flavored burnt caramel, these specific taiyaki are made from wafer with air popped chocolate inside~!

This specific flavor is 87kcal, and they have a handful of different flavors. As of now, I’ve tried two or three (soon to be four hint hint) of these, they’re so good.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

The black color might look a bit scary at first (or not, I like black so I thought it was kind of fun), but oddly to me it actually smells and tastes a lot like brown sugar and pancakes, I love caramel but I thought this tasted amazing!

I would highly recommend trying this, or any of the others if you can find them!

Bubbly Cola Ramune Candy & Tomato & Cherry Gummies

Okay so... one of these items I was extremely dreading to try. Wanna guess which one?

Our first item here is the cola candy inspired by a real pop. If the picture doesn’t imply anything, this is very foamy. I noticed when sucking on it, the foaming is very slow, and the candy has a teensy bit of sourness. But when you bite into it, it will foam a huge amount! It filled my entire mouth!

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

As I say all the time, I love cola (I’m even drinking coke as I write this) so I really like getting to try the unique cola-flavored Japanese candies. I think these were really fun, and each pack actually has 3 of them in it so these would be a fun candy to share with friends or to give someone if you wanted to play a cute little prank on them ;p

The next item meanwhile... I was terrified of it. It’s our Kinosei (health snack) is a bag of these tomato and cherry gummies. They contain a blend of natural collagen and lycopene to increase ones natural beauty. They also lower blood pressure, refresh the skin, and help ones heart. It’s also naturally refreshing.

Each bag is 94kcal. They are squishy-soft and jelly-like on the inside. They smell strongly of ketchup and sweetness.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I kid you not, each time I smell these I cringe. I HATE tomatoes, but ironically I really like ketchup. Because of this, I was honestly afraid of this, the only reason I tried it was because I figured “it can’t be any worse than that Takoyaki ramune right?“

They’re actually not bad though; I was shook! I can’t really explain the flavor though, it’s like a cross between cherries and the acidicness of ketchup. Does that make sense? They’re have a neutral sweetness to them, and they actually are kind of refreshing. 

A few years ago I saw tomato jelly (basically a jelly tomato) on cold noodles during the summer and thought “what a strange concept“, but now I feel like I understand it a little more...

Bourbon Sylveine Chocolate Cake

To go with the holiday box, of course they had to include a holiday staple- that being a delicious cake! Everyone has a cake on Christmas in Japan, along with the KFC or home-cooked meal. Like a few other items this cake is by the brand Bourbon.

Each cake (or box, I’m not sure) is 102kcal. There are six cakes in total, so you could essentially use this as a dessert for a meal if you wanted :3 The cake is a soft, creamy yellow with thin sections of cream between the layers, and it is covered in chocolate and topped with something. I’m not sure what it is, but it reminds me of a raisin in taste and feel.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

These are delicious- they’re a lot like little snack cakes you can buy at the grocery store, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if these are the Japanese version of them.

The cakes are very soft and squishable, but not soft enough that they can’t be eaten in your hands if you really wanted or had to. But the chocolate is super-melty and a little bit bitter in taste.

I don’t get to have fancy cakes as much as I would like to (nor can I make them just yet...), I couldn’t help but feel fancy eating these cuties~

Oh, and I did share them with my family, don’t worry.

Takoyaki Umaibo & Christmas Pizza Poteko

I was pleasantly delighted by the variety of savory items we got, and surprised too. Our last time items are also savory :D including an Umaibo I’m not going to review because I’ve already had it. 

I will say that I think it’s delicious though- way better than the horrible takoyaki Ramune drink. It doesn’t taste fishy, but I honestly can’t think of how to describe the flavor either. It’s covered in seasoning, and it seems to have a very thin, saucy layer or glaze, matching the sauce Takoyaki is usually covered in.

The last item, which I will review because it’s new is an item we get all the time, Poteko rings. You’ve seen these several times on here, but again, when we have a new flavor I’m more likely to be open-minded, and I was kind of curious because we hardly get pizza-inspired snacks.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

They strongly smell like cheese, but I actually didn’t taste pizza at all. To me (my mom agreed but my dad took some time to agree as well), it tastes like a McDonalds cheeseburger!

Like an exact cheeseburger from McDonalds. Bun, burger, cheese, ketchup, pickle and all. It’s very delicious, but it kind of made me wonder if they make burger flavored snacks...

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content - 5 out of 5. I loved everything! There was also a nice change in that we had a LOT of savory items, and I thought they did well in terms of item variety. There was a bit of each thing.

Theme - 1.5 out of 5. Sadly I thought they did decently with this before, but this year was really lacking. I could feel the spirit on Christmas with the box, but if I didn’t know it was a Christmas box and didn’t get the one item with a Christmas wrapper I wouldn’t have been able to tell it was Christmas themed.

Total Rank: 9 out of 10. An awesome box, one of the best to have gotten I thought. All they had to do was focus more on the Christmas theme they were going for and I think it could have been a perfect 10.

♥ Cutie’s Scale of Yummy ♥

1. Burnt Caramel Taiyaki - Like I said, I’m not sure it tasted like caramel. But I really liked it! If I see it online I’ll definitely be buying it, I just hope the next one I get tastes as good, if not better~

2. Chocolate Cake - I’m glad we got six of these because they are very delicious~ My dad and I loved them, but my mom was less receptive since it reminded her of dark chocolate. 

3. Strawberry chocolate chips - I like em, what more can i say :D

4. Takoyaki Umaibo - I may not be able to describe the flavor well but this one is a winner!

5. Mango Jelly Drink - I really liked this, but as I already warned- try not to smell mango items. They will either smell delicious, or like feet. 

6. Cola Candy - I love cola, I love pop, I think fizzy candy is fun to try; I was a little surprised they were kind of sour though.

7. Apple Chocobi - Again, I was surprised by how much I actually liked these. Only because I’ve never been into Chocobi that much. They don’t taste bad, but I gotta remember to eat these before they go south (stale).

8. Pizza Poteko - I’m still convinced they taste like cheeseburgers, but they are good :P

9. Tomato & Cherry Gummies - I was really surprised by these!  

10. Melon Bread Cookie - It was okay. I like melon, but for some reason I’m not too into melon-flavored baked goods. I love melon candy and drinks.

11. Potato Sticks - They don’t have a huge amount of taste but I still like them enough. I like the texture too.

12. Peas Mini Chips -  They weren’t bad, I just like other items more. 

13. Sesame Cracker - I really did like it, but I wasn’t too crazy about the desert left in my mouth after eating it... 

[klaumiel]

You are all I’ve got,Damien.// Chapter 2: Mama Knows Best.

I was sitting in my favourite armchair in my parent’s house, sipping tea and chilling like every other Saturday morning. She makes the best tea in the world, like a magic elixir for all my fears and problems. Checking my phone every few minutes, I looked at my mum sitting on the sofa focused on filing her long red nails. She is beautiful as always, so classy and sophisticated, with her beautiful long black and curly hair, big brown eyes. She looked like a proper lady in her brown pencil skirt and white shirt neatly pushed inside, long legs like a model, nobody can tell that she just turned fifty-two. She was glowing. And yet, there was this familiar sadness in her eyes, I’ve seen it so many times, this look when she stares in the distance lost in her thoughts, hurts me every time seeing her like this because I know exactly what it means.

Dad promised her that this will be his last deployment and he will retire so they can finally live their lives the way they wanted, but he said that last time as well and one before that. She knew that he always wanted to reach the Captain rank, and she let him follow his dreams. Even if that meant leaving us for months every year, missing Christmas, birthdays and challenging times. He got promoted four years ago and finally, after over thirty years in the army, he had his dream job. My mother never complained, she loves him too much, after all, he was her first love her ‘hero’ as he always calls him.

She was devoted to her work as a music teacher, that always helped her in worse times, we grew up with her beautiful songs and a voice of an angel, her powerful cante flamenco only proved how magical and emotional music can be.

It was tough for her to leave Sevilla, her family and friends, but she did it for love, for my Dad. My grandmother was against it, but she did it anyway. A nineteen years old music student with no language or money, completely alone only a handsome soldier that she fell in love with a few months before. She knew that she will have a beautiful life; she took a risk, and it paid off. Well, that’s what she uses to tell us, was it really what she always dreamt off? Being part-single single mother with two kids, praying every day for her husband to come back in one piece and not in the wooden box? I think she tried so hard to convince herself that in the end, she believed it.

She is the most caring and loving person I know, always two steps ahead of us catching us before we fall, still supporting even if what we are doing it’s just stupid and illogical.

We didn’t give her a hard time as kids, as twins, we naturally looked after one another without even thinking about it, if one was in trouble or going through a hard time the other one always knew. It always freaked me out how this is possible that being somewhere else I can still feel Shaun’s emotions and vice versa. We are the same in every aspect, like the same things, react the same way to everything.

‘Maya!’ She snapped me from my thoughts ‘I asked you if you want more tea and some cake? Lemon cheesecake your favourite.’ Did she just said lemon cheesecake !?

‘Oh my god, Mum! You don’t have to ask twice. You know that I would die for it’ She laughed and walked to the kitchen.

I looked at my phone again. Just a few silly messages from Gemma describing Greg’s best bed tricks. I swear she will eat this poor guy alive! After a few conversations with Greg, I convinced him to give her a chance, he finally understood that we can’t be together as the feeling wasn’t mutual.

They went on a date a few days after, and now they are inseparable, I felt a little guilty that I left this for so long I could’ve pushed them earlier to try.

I called Gemma while my mum was in the kitchen.

‘Hey, girl! What’s up?!’ She answered I could hear Greg in the background; I guess I just disturbed something. Did he just moan?!

‘Nothing much, I’m just chilling here with my mum and wanted to check how are you doing, but from your texts, and what I can hear I guessed you are nice and comfy whenever you are’ I laughed

‘Well, I’m with Greg … I had to pull him away from work, he spends way  too much time working on things that don’t matter, he needs to relax, reports and taxes can wait until Monday I am more important right now’ she giggled

‘You know he is a workaholic, but I can see you are doing a great job in changing that, I’m glad to hear it. ‘

‘And how is your prison bae? Did you decide if you are going to visit him? I thought that was your plan for today, to surprise him. Did you chicken out?’ I checked if my mum wasn’t coming back from the kitchen, and I lowered my voice.

‘I didn’t chicken out, I called yesterday, but I was late for booking. Plus I am not sure if surprising him is a good idea, maybe I should discuss this with him first ‘ I saw my mum coming back from the kitchen.

‘Is your call girl, you know him better, but you have to make up your mind. Six weeks of only texting and sending hot pics is a long time. You are long overdue for the next level. Just don’t get too invested if you are not sure if you want to make a move, plus is not like you two have much of a future… I think you should look elsewhere is pointless to waste your time on him at this point, he has no future ’ Not much of a future ?! Waste my time?! What the hell was that about?! I was just about to call her out, but I saw my mum in the living room pouring tea and putting three plates on the table.

‘OK, Gemma, I have to go. Have fun, just make sure you can walk on Monday. Sara is only waiting for a chance to shame you in front of everyone…Bye’ I hang up before she could answer. I couldn’t believe that she said that. What got into her? She was very salty about the whole Damien situation from the start, and recently she avoided me. Just talking about herself and Greg. Even in the office, we didn’t chat as much as we use to. I was puzzled and hurt at the same time, that was so mean and entirely not like her.

I tossed my phone on the table with anger, and I was just about to dig into my cheesecake when I heard a doorbell.

‘I will get it Mum!’ I run to the door, I knew it was Shaun I could feel it, smiling from ear to ear, his black curls wet from the rain falling in his green eyes.

I am always so happy to see him, my little brother. Well, three minutes difference, but still, he is younger than me, and he hates it.

‘Hello, sis! I think I need a towel is absolutely lashing out there’ He said, shaking his wet hair while coming inside.

‘Here it is sweetheart, just in time, cake is on the table.’ My mum always two steps ahead, always prepared. She hugged him and dried his head with towel messing his hair up.

As soon as we sat down, I heard my phone ping. A familiar tune that made me smile each time I heard it. It was him! Of course, it was, I didn’t talk to anyone else there. I grabbed it as fast as I could, Shaun and Mum were busy chatting about some series on Netflix that I didn’t see, so I took the opportunity to focus on the conversation with Damien. He had a shitty day, so I decided to cheer him up a little. I’ve sent him a picture of me holding a tray with the pie that I’ve made the day before from the recipe he gave me. I was covered in flour from head to toe my hair was all messy. He joked about the mess I made in the kitchen. We talked about our favourite desserts, we had the same taste, so it wasn’t surprising to me when he said that lemon cheesecake is also his favourite. It was a short conversation, his time in the library was over. He kept his phone there, in one of the books.

I was happy to have at least this ten minutes with him. Made me feel better that I managed to cheer him up a little bit, he was a bit tense lately. I had a feeling he is hiding something, but I didn’t want to push him.

I’ve put my phone down, and I saw Shaun and Mum staring at me.

‘What?’ I asked nervously looking around myself to see what they are looking at. ‘Did I spill some tea? ‘

‘Who was that sweetie?’ My Mum smiled at me ‘Was it Albert?’ Why would she think it was Albert?

‘No, why you think it was Albert? I didn’t hear from him for weeks, plus we left it as they were. I don’t want to waste my time on him. I don’t even know when he is coming back, could be months. I made my decision, one soldier in the family is enough. I want my man to be next to me every day. I am not strong enough to go through the same as you’ her smile dropped instantly. Fuck! My big mouth again! ‘ Mum I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to..’

‘It’s ok love, I know what you mean, and I fully understand it’s not an easy life, and if you don’t feel like he is worth that kind of commitment you shouldn’t waste your time and wait for him. I stuck with your father because he was the one, still is but if you don’t feel like Albert is that’s only fair’ she paused for a second, and her smile came back ‘ So if not Albert who was it then? You were smiling and giggling the whole time. I didn’t see you like this for a long time.’

She was right, I didn’t feel like this for a long time, this whole Luke situation messed me up pretty badly.

‘It’s nothing, is just a guy from Lovelink that I am chatting with. Really, not a big deal’ She didn’t believe a word I said. Shaun shoot me an angry glance. Mum always knows when we are lying.

‘You are not getting away with this, not this time, you just blew your cover by giggling like mad! He knew about Damien, I told him everything, and I felt like it is time to share it with mum. At this stage, I was too deep into this, and she already knew that I am hiding something. We never had any secrets in the family, we made a promise that we need to share everything so we can help each other when we needed, and I didn’t want to break it.

I looked at my phone again and saw the last message from Damien.

“Bye messy pie :)’’

I smiled. He is so fucking sweet, sometimes. Took a deep breath.

‘OK, I will tell you but please don’t freak out.’

She poured more tea to the mugs sat comfortably on the sofa, put her hands on her knees. She was ready, that’s what she thought, but she wasn’t.

‘About six weeks ago I matched with this guy, Damien Jones. I wasn’t sure at first, but I swiped because he intrigued me, I saw something interesting in him. See for yourself.’ I showed her his profile picture and the one he sent me a few weeks ago with his pop. I kept shirtless to myself.

‘Wow, handsome man. So far, so good.’ God, she is so not ready for that. Shaun smiled, he knew I was shitting myself, I didn’t want her to know.

‘Well, we really clicked, not right away. In the beginning, I thought that he is a bit of a prick, rude and arrogant, but he started to open up and … we were texting every day, getting to know each other. He is a bit rough around the edges but is getting better. I think I am bringing his soft side now. You will like that… he is a poet.’ I had to start with the right things, prepare her. She loves poetry.

‘Oh, that’s so romantic. You seem to like him.’

‘Yes, I do. I feel like we have a connection, even tho we’ve been only texting, we didn’t really meet in real life yet, but we have something special.’

‘ He didn’t take you for a date in six weeks? Why? That’s a red flag sweetheart ‘ Fuck! Here we go. Just say it! I looked at Shaun, begging for help, but he nodded reassuring me. I took a deep breath and looked at my Mum. My mouth was dry as sand, I took a big sip of tea, brushed my hair nervously She is going to flip.

‘Mum, we couldn’t go on a date because he is in prison’ My heart pounded in my chest, I  desperately searched for her reaction. She had a poker face, but I knew she was shocked, she didn’t say anything because she knew this is not all ‘He was falsely accused of murder seven years ago.. he is innocent, but there is not enough evidence to prove it.’

She didn’t say anything, just looked away then down. I felt my eyes filling with tears. She is disappointed, she won’t even look at me. I caught Shaun looking at her. Finally, she said quietly slowly bringing her eyes back to me.

‘Well, this was unexpected.. how long is his sentence?’ Mum was very serious, but I could see that she cared, she was worried. There was approval in her piercing brown eyes. That approval that I needed right now.

‘He is on the death row.’ I nearly whispered, looking at the floor, tears flowing. I felt horrible. On one side, my mum, always wanting me to find a good Nobel man and have a perfect family, one that we never had. And on the other side Damien, the not ideal partner for her perfect daughter, another criminal

‘Oh my god, sweetie.’ She sat on the floor next to me, took my hands in hers and looked at me ‘Are you hundred per cent sure he is innocent?’

‘ Yes, I believe him.’ I whispered

I told her everything. How Damien and his pop ran a chop shop together, how his half-brother Bennie started using heavy drugs and his father kicked him out, so he decided to take them down with his new gang; they got into a fight and Bennie tried to shoot Damien, but his pop pushed him away and took the bullet. Bennie and his thugs knocked Damien down and left him next to his dead father with the gun in his hand. Unfortunately, this was enough evidence to prove him guilty and sentenced to death.

I didn’t even notice that I was crying like a baby the whole time. I must’ve looked pathetic.

‘ I know that you think I must be stupid, he could be lying and just playing me, but I really have feelings for him. I can’t even explain it. I believe him, he would never kill his father, he loved him, I could feel it from the way he spoke about him.’ I took a deep breath trying to calm myself ‘I saw his rough side when we started talking, but now he is a different person…  he opened up ‘ Suddenly all the thoughts of losing him went through my head

‘Mum... I have to help him … I don’t know how but I can’t let him die.’ I felt her arms wrapped around my shoulders when she squeezed to sit next to me. She wiped my cheeks and lifted my chin.

‘ Sweetheart, I would never think you are stupid. Love is never stupid, I would’ve been a complete hypocrite to think this way. You are my daughter, my whole world, and I love you with my whole heart. You are exactly like me when you fall for someone you fall deep. I can see that you care about this boy. And your golden heart won’t let you just leave him like that.  Maya, if you believe he's innocent, I trust you’ She pointed at my phone ’ I don’t see a murderer in him, there is good in his eyes. And what’s most important you see a good person in him, you gave him a chance because you knew is right.’ Her expression softened ‘ We better start thinking about how we can help him.’

Shaun sat on the sofa, resting his head on his hands, suddenly he got up.

‘Sis, we will figure something out. There must be a way to get him out of this, talk to him see what you can learn. I’m sure he knows what to do but is holding back, is too proud to ask you for help. He is too young and definitely not ready to die…Listen… Dad will be back in a few weeks maybe he can pull some strings, in the meantime try to convince Damien to let you help him.’

I wasn’t expecting my mum to understand, but she saw something more than just a stupid girl falling in love with the guy who most likely will never see the outside world before saying goodbye to it. She felt my determination and will to get him out of this shit, and as always she was two steps ahead.

‘ What was the other evidence apart from the gun?’ She asked while walking back to the sofa

‘ Partial DNA on him, which by the way is the same as Bennie’s, if we could have his DNA that would be a full match. I’m sure that would be enough to prove him innocent. I spoke with him about this, but nobody knows where Bennie is now, and police aren’t even looking for him. Plus is not easy to convince Damien to let me help him, he is stubborn, he lived with the idea that there is no chance for him to get out for seven years and now when there is a small chance he is scared, he won’t admit it, but he is scared someone will get hurt because of him again.’

‘You have to convince him’ Shaun said ‘ I am sure he knows something, a guy like Bennie can’t just disappear without the trace unless they are dead. Then we are screwed… Talk to him and don’t do anything stupid alone, you have me’ He smiled and flicked my nose

Next day I spoke with Damien about the possibility of finding Bennie, of course, he didn’t want me to get involved. How someone can be so stubborn!?

But that day, I decided that I had enough of him pissing around. After he got stabbed in the library by few of Bennie’s thugs who tried to cut his tongue, to make sure he won’t speak before the execution.

This was the point in which I drew the line, it was too much. My man was in grave danger, and I suppose to sit with my arms crossed? No fucking way! But before he managed to get proper angry he told me that we will give it ago, he had information where Bennie was last seen, he sent me an address and asked me to wait until we make a plan. He clearly doesn’t know me as well as he thinks he does.’

The moment Damien went offline, I put the address in my GPS  and drove there. I looked around the place that seemed to be a chop shop. Damien texted me when I was hidden behind the fence. He was fuming, I didn’t listen to him after all, he specifically told me to wait. Sorry not sorry, darling.

We confirmed that the bike outside the shop was Bennie’s, I went to look around searching for anything useful, but then my luck reached its end together with my common sense.

Bennie found me. I had only one chance to use this to my advantage, he was meters away from me. I only needed a bit of his hair, that's all.

I could stir it anyway I could, I had him right in front of me, but no. I did the only thing my stupid mind told me to.

I agreed to go on a date with a murderer. How wonderfully clever of me. Mama will be proud.

It was the stupidest idea ever, but it was the only chance I had to free Damien, or at least save his life.

Damien wasn’t happy with the idea, but he knew it is the only way. Only one shot, he’s the only door to freedom.

We planned everything, go in get the hair and get out. Simple as that. Nothing can go wrong, right? Right.

I called Shaun, I was stupid and desperate enough to go on a date a murderer but not dumb as to go there alone.

[cherrystreet]

I was tagged by @tilyoutryit​ and this is insanely long so I’m going to put it under the cut because literally no one cares about reading this shit but I’m avoiding the pile of laundry on my floor and I’m waiting for my face mask to dry sO HERE WE ARE

last text sent: "omg. mood: niall listening to that fucking catchy selena song while grilling with a bunch of randos.” list three favourite colours: to wear? black, white, gray. in general? anything soft and warm (this isn’t an answer but it’s true) what time did you wake up today?: 8 am what were you doing last night at midnight?: watching tv and talking to rita name something you can’t wait for: going to cali in 48 hours! when was the last time you saw your mother: a couple hours ago one thing you wish you could change about your life: my job situation what’s getting on your nerves right now?: nothing, weirdly... favourite tv shows: friends, parks and rec, the office first best friend: his name was (and still is) connor listening to right now: nada 3 fears: not knowing what i want to do with a career, not being able to have kids, never getting a MITAM tour (i wish i was kidding) 4 turn ons: intelligence, humor, nice teeth, a decent dresser 4 turn offs: ignorance, cockiness, (cigarette) smokers, no drive sexual orientation: straight senior quote in your yearbook: i don’t think we had them first thing you notice in a new person: their smile shoe size: 8-8.5 (damn alyssa you have tiny fucking feet 6.5???) eye colour: green hair colour: light brown favourite item of clothing: i have a sweatshirt that says girl almighty on it and if it was socially acceptable to wear it everyday, i would (i’m wearing it right now) what colour underwear you’re wearing rn: blue i think but i’m not actually gonna check favourite season: autumn how much time did you spend designing your blog: .7 seconds probably the reason you joined tumblr: this blog was because someone asked me on ao3 if they could reblog the post for the fic and i was like haha... i don’t have a blog. so i made one. my personal one was because i was a bored 17 year old and wanted something to do do you ever get ‘good morning’ or ‘good night’ texts?: they don’t necessarily say good morning or good night. it’s more along the lines of “can you believe how fucking tired i am, it’s so early” or “that’s enough out of you i’m going to bed.” when did you last hold hands: my sister holds my hand all the time... she’s 18... how long does it take you to get ready in the morning?: if i’m actually focused and have time, like 1-2 hours. if i’m rushing and i have to be at work for 7, like 8 minutes. have you shaved your legs in the past three days?: no. i don’t think i even have in the past 3 months. bye where are you right now?: mi cama do you like music loud or at a reasonable level?: in the car, loud. but i have a weird thing with volume levels and i essentially read lips when the tv is on. idk 3 things you love: my best friend J (i spent a lot of time with her this weekend and i just love her so so much), this pack of starbursts next to me that i’m currently inhaling, sephora (went there today and dropped $39587295729) how you feel right now: tired. overwhelmed. something you really really want: a new job. 3 things that upset you: essentially anything i see on twitter. it’s all a mix of trump/miserable people and i’m just not about that life what do you find attractive in other people?: a sense of humor, willingness to help and be charitable and selfless, good relationships between them and other people something you fantasize about: moving far away something you’re talented at: i can touch my tongue to my nose. does that count the blog you give the most notes to: jana ( @littlechilllarrie​ ) or annie ( @noctrl​ ) probably the last person that reblogged something from you: i don’t think i ever really reblog things butttttt last thing i reblogged was that “city” questionnaire from @voguestyles​ aka olivia! do you smoke/drink: I hate drinking and only do it when i’m forced to and i have never smoked anything your favourite food: i’m a slut for chocolate but i also love potatoes. why am i not 97527549275 lbs your favourite dessert: anything chocolate what you did yesterday: moved J into her new apartment and cried number of kids you want: 2-3 number of siblings you have: 4 something that’s constantly on your mind: my future last person you messaged on tumblr: annie i think can you drive?: yes what state or part of the world do you live in?: US are you in school?: will be back in school in may... rip do you get grossed out easily?: by things, no. by people, yes somewhere you would like to visit for a week: seattle. london. I’ll love you if …: you’re nice, honestly. but i’ll love you even more if you’re a dick. last show you binge-watched?: that 70′s show what words upset you the most: i don’t have anything specific, but just don’t be an asshole what words make you feel the best about yourself: probably anything that has to do with my writing? idk it’s also nice when people tell me i’m pretty cuz i’m vain as fuck and if you you say you aren’t, you’re lying a wish that you’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11: when i was younger i used to wish to be skinnier. which is dumb because i was literally a size 3/4 in high school... why did no one tell me i was a skeleton who would you switch lives with for a day?: i’d want to be harry for a day honestly. his mind must be a fucking nightmare (in a good way) and i’d love to sort through it. your favourite ice cream: death by chocolate (right now, anyway) allergies: an antidepressant i took in high school haha sexiest person to come your mind immediately: there has never been a day where i haven’t thought liam payne is one of the sexiest people on this planet. and then we got that pic of him cradling his son and i almost rocketed to the moon cya. but also jesy nelson is KILLING THE GAME lately. i met her a few weeks ago and i couldn’t stop staring at her perfect face. your childhood career choice: i wanted to be an author.......... one of your insecurities: my body and my random bout of anxiety that flares up when i’m trying to pretend it doesn’t exist how many blogs are you following?: goose egg how many tabs/windows do you have open right now?: 3 coke or pepsi: I hate them both but coke tea or coffee: water movie or book: book a sense you would be willing to lose: smell quote you live by: i don’t think i have one type of accessory you wear most: always have in earrings, bracelet, and hoop nose ring last awkward situation you found yourself in: some girl got fired in front of me last week what time is it right now?: 11:06 pm a song that’s made you cry: I cry at everything but the first one that comes to mind is never grow up by t swift. you must be made of STONE to not cry at that shit first song you ever sang at karaoke: man i feel like a woman (probably)

[sufferblr]

this is just a diary entry of my day w my love ok lmao 

Finally, after months and months of ditching each other last-minute, we got to meet on the second day of a promising new year. (So glad 2016 died)

When I got to the meetup location, I passed by a 7-eleven and bought two packs of chocolate milk and hid it in my handbag, because it’s the thing between us. Ever since that day you said you liked this brand of chocolate milk, I bought you a packet every (rare) time we meet, for old time’s sake. It really brings memories from MCS back. 

I picked you up at Exit B at the station and we ran into each others arm with a giant fluffy hug! “You smell really nice!” you said. “Yeahh I got this for Christmas!” “You got smelling nice for Christmas?” you joked. I said, “What??I got this perfume!!!” We laughed. Note: Victoria’s Secret: Bombshell. 10/10 will wear again. 

So we, being our spontaneous selves, strolled around Tai Wai for food. Tai Wai is truly my favourite place in the world - I only have good memories in it, and it is full of friendly people and just the perfect place for bonding experiences, no matter it’s with family, friends or crushes. We strolled down the street full of comfortably half-full restaurants and got way too immersed in our conversation. God, we haven’t seen each other for nearly half a year. How did I even survive in those days? Our conversations are simply natural and easy. It is so easy for us to keep talking, and even the dead air moments are comfortable - there is no such thing as an awkward silence between us. Knowing she is next to me is already so fucking enough. 

We went to the end of the vertical street and went back a bit, to eat in this neat little place with red chairs and red tables. They actually let us go upstairs instead of the ground floor because it was full, and wow I am glad about going upstairs. There are way less people and more space, so that we can talk and laugh as loudly as we like. We talked about my new year’s eve, which I got so fucking drunk and couldn’t tell Sharon and Aaron apart; the receptionist that asked me if im okay because I walk all slouched and with a grin fixed on my face; also, my drunk text to you that says “i locw you <3 <3 <3″. Then you told me about your drunk stories - well, technically it wasn’t you being drunk, cus you are such a good drinker. You told me about taking care of your friend Connor, who said “I’m not drunk” while lying on a bed full of his own puke. You are such a mom friend! 

I knew you were broke af this Christmas, so i pondered on making this dinner my treat, but you said that I can pay for dessert instead. Fair enough. We left the place and walked along the entire few blocks of Tai Wai Village. Despite living here forever, I never dared to stroll around like this, especially at night. You make me feel so adventurous and brave, baby. We talked about your wild af life in LPC after MCS, of fake ids and underage drinking and all that. I wish I could join you over there. 

We couldn’t find any good new places for dessert, so I suggested the one CCY told me about before, Summer Ice something. We were two blocks away from the place and suddenly, you took my hand. (i am internally screaming). You started to run and I did too, and god that was so liberating! I haven’t ran like a child for so long. We giggled and stumbled and stopped after a really short run, because we are so bad at sports. “I’m bad at the... you know, leg things!” you said. Our hands are still locked, and we walked by this creepy abandoned kindergarten. “Serial killers live here.” You said. “Naughty children gets sent here” I said. You then suggested we get really drunk one day and break in, to which I replied, “LPC is really getting into you, THAT IS SO WHITE.” We laughed. “But have you ever lived if you don’t do white things??!” Oh my god, this girl! Where are our conservative Good Chinese Girl characteristics, really?! 

We were lucky enough to get the big spacious couple seat in Summer Ice (I’m still fangirling over our luck to get THAT SEAT among so many others!) and ordered chocolate & banana waffles, and this peach drink. (A strawberry drink arrived instead, but eh. It’s good anyway.) 

This time, I asked you to take a picture. I was aware of how often I forget to take pictures when going out with important people in my life. This time, I didn’t. You took a pic of the waffles and a selfie of us. Both of us slayyyy! We talked and talked and talked and you fed me some sorbet on the drink. I screamed internally and ate it. Now I know you don’t mind me doing that either, I did that too, a good several times afterwards. You ate them off my spoon like the good date you are! (aaaaaahhhhhh!!!!) Both of us were too full for dessert actually, but we ate them anyway. By the end of this meal, we caught up with each other’s lives in the last 6 months, and I also found out more about your relationships. I’m so so so relieved that your ‘abusive’ recent ex never hit you, but was just manipulative. I hate to admit it but I got quite angry when you posted “I got out of a shitty abusive relationship” on your private instagram yesterday - I’m not sure what I’d do about that but it’s probably something snakey if your ex-bf ever hit you. Turns out he was just manipulative - phew! Also good to know that my girl is a fierce bitch at heart that ain’t afraid of breaking up with manipulative boys. That’s the girl I love! 

Your twin brother called you and told you to get back at 10:30 for Sherlock, so we finished up and left. We were holding hands again. The street lights gave us this very distinct shadow, and that’s when we put our arms around each other and held our body and cheeks close, just to watch our shadow do the same. She said, look at us, we should be this one big human together (or sth like that, i dont remember the exact wordings). I felt so content, this is so wholesome! 

I walked you back to your minibus station with the excuse of “my bus has a schedule, yours don’t”, but really, I just wanted to spend more time with you, be it 20 minutes or 2 minutes more. We stood at the station in comfortable silence, chatted about your teachers at LPC a little, then the minibus came. 

You gave me a good warm hug again, and complimented my fluffy cardigan. I’d love it a whole new way now. I suddenly remembered something - the chocolate milk. “Wait, I got something for you!” I said and pulled it out of my handbag (which you once complimented a couple years ago - I picked this out deliberately). You giggled again and I clearly remember what you looked like that exact moment, eyes closing into this pretty pretty line and shoulders scrunched a little, and your back arching slightly backwards, as if you couldn’t contain the happiness thrown at you! You were smiling so big and I was so happy that I can make you smile like that. Again, so wholesome. “I love you,” I said again as I went for another hug, which was returned generously. “I love you too.” She replied, and she boarded the minibus. “Bye!” I said. As I walked back to my shuttle bus station to go home. 

On the way from your station to my station, I turned back at least 4 times, hoping to see you wave at me, or perhaps just look at me and smile. I’d mouth to you, “I love you”, but damn my eyesight. I couldn’t see that far, and the inside of the minibus was so damn dark. Still, I stole a few glances at the minibus again. Only after it drove away did I finally stop turning back. 

As always, I need a song to remember this by. I chose Gale Song by The Lumineers, because I don’t listen to it often so it’s a clean state to collect memories and it’s the song I was listening to when i was waiting for you at Exit B - it had come on shuffle. I listened to the lyrics, only to find out it was a love song. 

This loneliness won't last for long I wasn't there to take his place I was ten thousand miles away

So when you hear my voice And when you say my name May it never give you pain

'Cause I don't wanna go But it's time to leave You'll be on my mind, my destiny

And I won't fight in vain I'll love you just the same I couldn't know what's in your mind But I saw the pictures You're looking fine

Gale Song - The Lumineers

Tell me, baby, how are we not lovers? Would we be together if you never left MCS? Probably. But we’re graduating in a few months, could we be together then? You said you wanted to leave Hong Kong. 

And most of all, do you love me back? Because I love you more than words could ever say. From June 2015 to 2nd January 2017, you are in my head every moment. 

And here, I've made a decision: When we graduate, I’ll ask you to be my girlfriend.