#a lot of the notes for 8 are also just straight up porn; although the fic if i ever write it wont be

[lollybliz]

oh dear

thank you @aromanticannibal for the tag, you gremlin

RULES: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your wips folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and tag as many people as you have wips.

so. most of what i consider to be my wips are not much more than brainstorming sessions in a friend's dms at this point. but i do have a few. and uh. well. couple notes. a few of them are not much more than bullet points, atm, and i havent touched Any of them since november. and uhm. well many of them are vore. like. very. so. beware, there be monsters in this map, yada yada, ask at your own peril

that being said, in no particular order, have at it

Snowbird

We're Swallowing Light 'Til We're Fixed From the Inside

There are a number of medically recommended ways to warm up a hypothermic patient. This is not one of them.

Wriolette ideas (this is more a collection of concepts and significantly less than bullet points lol)

Involuntary Exploratory Laparotomy (a bullet point wip)

notes and outline for i dont think this counts as cuddle therapy actually (this is technically for we're swallowing light, i have like. 5 different versions of that wip floating around this folder because im an indecisive bastard and the plot holes keep fucking me)

bits and pieces of Fi

Excuses to feed venti's gnosis to Aether

spelunking (NSFW NSFW NSFW i forgot about this one, shit. this was a babbling in dms that escaped containment and has a doc to compile said babbling)

felt feelings about this youkai man (part of a drabble i didnt finish)

anything else is either abandoned or so nothing that it doesnt seem worth sharing. there's a few of these im v reluctant to include as-is, am Embarrassed:tm: fasdhklfhasjldfhajlsfhjlasfl

i will be tagging...... who do i want to inflict this on. hm. @phoenixislost @roryka @no-one-told-you-life-was-gay ... who else of you do i know have wips in your pockets... @teatops @pufftheminidragon go forth and spread shenanigans!

[ch4nb4ng]

Over the 8 seas: Felix

Pairing: afab!reader x felix, older woman/younger man

Words count: 6.5k

Warnings: oral (fem. receiving), teasing, clit play, tit play, ass play, kissing, mentions of penis, intercourse, orgasms, both people are switches, felix more dom

Summary: Felix, the new rookie lifeguard, was giving you a hard time, so it was up to you to punish him the way you wanted.

Note: Hi! this is the second instalment of my mini series. based of this video (trigger warning: it’s literally porn). The link for the masterlist can be found below, hope you enjoy :) Also tagging Tan @j-0ne25 because they asked to be tagged so here you go !

Over the 8 seas masterlist

Ah, the end of spring, and the beginning of summer. The air was thicker, windier, especially at the beach, yet much hotter. The fluctuation of people bringing their beach bags, umbrellas, and throwing out their towels was coming, and it made you do nothing but smile. It was the best time of the year, but that didn’t mean that it also came with its challenges.  The summer interns arrived today, either ready to go and happy to get started, or very reluctant. They either knew what they were doing and came to earn money over summer vacation, or they were forced to try something new because their parents made them. Nevertheless, you were grateful that you had the ability to share your knowledge and wisdom with others. 

This very morning you walked into work with a great grin, walking straight to the locker room and changing into your yellows, putting your belongings into your locker and heading to the team room, brewing the morning coffee pot before getting into the admin of things. Although the skills that were being taught were physical, there was a lot of paperwork to get through. The pristine powerpoint presentation, the obligatory contract; it was a lot of work. Pouring a cup, you sat at the table, taking a deep breath as you prepared yourself for the fresh new faces that would now become your responsibility.

“Morning Y/n,” Changbin whispered, making sure not to scare you from behind, “you look excited.”

“Ah yes, morning, I’m very excited.”

“They look like a keen bunch,” Jisung chimed in, following behind the older lifeguard.

“Let’s hope they are as keen as they look.”

Putting your game face on, and spitting out the last of the coffee back into the cup and then over the sink (which earned you a look of disgust from both of them), you were ready (after popping in some gum; coffee breath was never a good first impression). It was the room next door, so it wasn’t like you had to go far. A triumphant smile came to your face as you walked in, all eyes plastered on you, the head of the operation as you opened the door and closed it behind you.

“Good morning everyone,” you practicaly squeaked, causing a few of them to laugh, “my name is y/n, and I am the head lifeguard here at Bondi. We will go through a quick seminar over the basics and then we will get into the physical stuff. Does anyone have any questions before we start?”

“I do.”

The sound came from far, the back part of the crowd. Your eyes trailed quickly, meeting the face behind the rich timbre voice. His look was soft, gentle, like he could never hurt a fly. But the voice, it was deep. Probably one of the deepest voices your ears had been blessed by. He was cute, looked to be younger, but not much more than you.

“Yes, uh, and what if your lifeguard number?”

“4598.”

You opened your binder, the list of all 25 students sprawled across the page. Fingers guiding down the list, it came to a halt, finding the number and reading his name aloud. 

“Felix?”

“Yes,” he rumbled, “just wanted to know how old you were before we start?”

For some reason, the question created a heat on your cheeks. Maybe because it was so unexpected. No rookie had ever asked you such a question. Not to mention the smirk on his face; it was leading. Like he had an ulterior motive asking. You scoffed, kind of exaggerated, not wanting to show the others that you felt caught out.

“I'm 25 Felix, how old are you?”

“22.”

“Are you single?”

More heat creeping onto your cheeks, “none of your business.”

“Right,” it was your turn to smirk, feeling the upper edge of your age (and experience) giving you the advantage, “any other questions relevant to our job?” 

A class of snickers fell over the group as Felix’s question is what is assumed to be flirting to be shut down quickly. It wasn't out of the ordinary for things like this to happen. Most of the rookies were alway hormonal young adults, looking at anything that moves to smash. However, as you broke away from Felix, your heart became sad. As you turned on the projector and waited for the monitor to warm up, you took a quick glance behind, eyes landing straight on him. It was when he was already gazing at you did you become embarrassed. There were 24 others here, yet you could only focus on one. Someone younger, a rookie? This was not right.

The rest of the presentation was quick and easy. Exchanging eye contacts with other students made life much easier, but you could feel the slight sizzle that came from his glare. But the fact that he was younger eased the intimidation. The last slide came up, and so did your presentation.

“Great, so now the formalities are over, who’s ready to get into our first aid class?”

A loud roar of cheers erupted in the room, making your heart melt. The enthusiasm for a shared passion always got to you. It was nice for others to share the activities you enjoyed. Lifting your wrist, you checked the time, smiling when you noticed the spare time before the next class was scheduled.

“Okay so it’s 9:45, let’s have a break and start at 10:15. If everyone could be in the room downstairs, that would be great, see you then.”

Most of the students nodded, making their way out and most likely to the beach. Time for another coffee break for you.  It was all fun and games, looking at the newbies. From one glance you could tell who was new, who was experienced, who was doing this because they’re parents wanted them to find a hobby/job. You minded your business, however, seeing as it was not necessary to pry into their personal lives. It’s not what you were here to do. Most of them you never saw again after the three months of vacation. Heading back to the break room, you took out a cup, pouring yourself from the kettle as you sat back down and opened up your binder once more, going over your notes and making sure you had everything right. It was silent, assuming that most of them did actually head out and absorb the warm sun rays. Shit. The CPR mannequins hadn’t been set up yet. Swiftly making your way down the stairs, you entered the room, opening the cupboards and taking them out one by one. Fuck, they were heavy. It was hard, but not anything you had done before.

“Yeah I bet, she’s so fucking fit tho.”

Your head snapped up, hearing a somewhat familiar voice speak. You knew you shouldn’t have, but you brought yourself to a halt, creeping to the door frame, wanting to hear the juicy gossip. It was bound to start sooner or later. Like you thought prior, it was a group of hormonal adolescents, there were definitely flings and romances that would start. 

“You’re insane Felix,” someone else laughed, “she’s too old for you.”

“So? Shes fucking hot, I dont give a fuck about her age.”

Who were they even talking about? They seemed to be friends, joined up together, because it was a super crude conversation for people that had just met. It didn’t stop you from listening however. As soon as you heard his name, you were like a leech, dying to know who and what he was talking about.

“Bro, have you ever been with an older woman before?”

“No but I fucking want to be,” he sighed, almost like one of desperation, “she could be perfect you know. She's smart, hot, and knows how to handle things. She’s the bloody head of Bondi beach.”

Oh my god.

“I want her. I think I’m in love.”

Jesus, he was talking about you. It couldn’t be anyone else. Fuck, he did have an ulterior motive asking about your age, relationship status. The ache between your legs was dull, and you wanted to slap yourself across the face. How could the simplicity and vulgarity of his words affect you so easily? You lifted a hand, removing the beads of sweat exasperating from your forehead. Everything felt hot suddenly, and you thought it would probably be better if you stopped eavesdropping. Part of you felt guilty, but the other part of you was extremely aroused, and you couldn't even deny that it did. A younger person shouldn’t have such a foul mouth about an older person. Yet it was that exact lack of disrespect and vulgarity that turned you on.

Lifting your wrist, you checked your watch, a poor attempt of dragging yourself out of the eavesdropping session and to focus on the task at hand. The clock striked 10:15, and your pupils flowed in, one by one, including him. It was unclear whether that smirk on his face was his resting facial expression, or it was because of what he just said. Does he know you heard him? Oh my god what if he did? It didn’t matter anyway, because that’s not what you were here for. Although, part of you was lying if you were not saying you wished it were.

“Okay,” you yelled, clapping in a successful attempt of getting everyone’s attention, “everyone find a dummy, we are going to need partners.”

Everyone was hesitant at first. Not many people knew each other, which is always why you had a backup plan. Lifting the binder from the floor, you opened it to the numbered lifeguards again. Finger wafting through the numbers, an idea sprung into your mind.

“Right, seeing as none of you really know each other I will assign you based on your number in the order of my spreadsheet. This will be a good opportunity for you to get to know each other, seeing as you will have to work together to save people from drowning.”

The room was silent, an anxious tension rolling over at the intensity of your words. You began to list each number, picking random partners to be together. This was a good idea, until the forgetful moment where there were 25, an odd number of people in the class.

“Please raise your hand if you haven’t been assigned a partner.” 

Of course, to your dismay, it was he who shall not be named that raised his hand. Great, you thought to yourself. Of course you would be dumb enough to leave Felix by himself. His expression never changed, that stubborn thing, and he didn’t even let you speak, knowing that you would be his partner. To say he was satisfied was an understatement. He shot a wink at his mates, before conveniently standing next to you. Like he was your little sidekick. That’s what you wanted to do; kick him in the side. 

“Okay so, Felix, who is my partner, will help me give a demonstration on how to administer CPR to an unconscious person. We will do two assessments: one with the dummy, and one with your partner.”

“Oh sick so we can do-”

“No Felix,” you scoffed, pretty much over his antics already, “you don’t need to do mouth to mouth in the person assessment.”

A collective of snickers erupted across the room as you got onto your knees, heat creeping onto your own inviting him to do the same.

“Okay so what we are going to do, Felix, could you please kneel down in front of the dummy.”

He did as he was told, already getting his hands into position. Great, he already knew what he was doing. An even greater addition to his arrogance and ego. Boy he was cocky. This had happened before. Of course in your many years of training, your own and helping others, there was always arrogance; most lifeguards are men so what did you expect? But Felix’s was different. Like he was cocky, but not because he was skillful. Maybe it was just his personality. Although part of you was curious (attracted, but you didn’t want to call it that), it was going to be a long three months if this was anything less than a facade.

“You’re going to place your hands in the center of the chest.”

You want to roll your eyes. Fuck he was irritating.

“Here?”

You huffed, his feigning innocence was not a cute look. You scurred over, wrapping your arms around his, fingers delicately attached to the ends of his wrists, fixating his palm in the actual center of the chest. It was easily audible, the soft gasp that left Felix’s lips when he felt your chest press into his back. Only you could hear it though. It was cute, especially since he most likely wasn’t expecting you to be so close so quickly.

Honestly, Felix was seeing this as more of a slowburn. He was one of those kids that didn’t really want to become a lifeguard. He would have much preferred to be traveling, going to any and all music festivals he could with his friends. It was, however, when his mum caught him rolling a joint in the deep corner of his very private bedroom, that got him grounded and doing what his parents made him do over the summer. That didn’t mean Felix wasn’t going to find a way to enjoy himself out of it. Things just happen to line up the moment he laid his determined eyes on you. He was a high achiever, and you were the prize. He was in love already. Felix was always attracted to women with a high work ethic, and you were nothing short of that.

“Correct.”

“I can’t wait to do this to you,” he whispered, now your turn to return the gasp. It could have been innocent. That he was eager to learn the skills required: but the both of you were not that naive. Every part of your being was doing your best to not just slap him then and there. Felix knew what he was doing, which was very much inappropriate and just flat out outrageous. 

Deciding to ignore his suggestive comments was much easier than to actually acknowledge. The compressions started, and he followed the beat correctly, the first thing that Felix was actually able to complete without any smartass comment or motion. 

“See how he is pressing hard enough, but not too hard?”

The others nodded, their curious gaze bringing you back to zen mode: sharing your knowledge and wisdom of others. 

“Does anyone have any questions? No? Okay, one person from each pair starts, the other monitor after two cycles. Don’t forget, 30 compressions, 2 mouth to mouth.”

The practice went underway, most of the students getting it correct on the first try. You were already proud. What you were not proud of was the way you were watching Felix practice not only his compressions, but the way his lips attached to the dummy. To say you were jealous of a dummy just sounded flat out ludicrous, so it was better to stay in denial. There was nothing attractive about giving mouth to mouth, but he somehow made it arousing. Thighs were clenching, and they were not anyone else’s except yours. What you couldn't stay in denial about was the way his arms flexed each time he pressed downward. Felix didn’t have the biggest arms going around, but god were his muscles defined during contractions. One could describe it as sickening. He took a pause, wiping the thick beads of sweat amounting across his forehead. Fuck. The way you could make him sweat; the list was growing with no chance of slowing down any time soon.

“Am I doing okay Miss?”

The way his gaze shifted toward you, still kneeling, forced to look up. Now an innocent fawn in the woods. Fuck he was cute. It was taking every part in you to not just take him and make him do you right there. Trying to read Felix was becoming more confusing as time went on.

“You’re doing great, but if you were giving compressions to a real life person, you can’t just pause.”

“Fuck,” he cursed, somewhat loud and making other people stare, “I’m sorry.”

What was he trying to do? Was he wanting your validation? Was he still being a smartass? He was clearly upset that you criticized him. It didn’t matter regardless, it was time for the practical assessment.

“Okay everyone looking good. Now we are going to practice with our partner. Now instead of doing mouth to mouth, I want you to just lean over slightly, whisper 1, 2, then go back to compressions.”

Kneeling back to his level, you chuckled, already seeing Felix laying on his back. You moved to his side, leaning over as you followed the compression protocol. You called the number of compressions out loud. All he could do was watch it awe, and the grazing feeling of his eyes burning into the side of your face was making you heated yourself. Nonetheless, it was not going to distract you from the job at hand. Reaching 30, you leant over, slightly, but it didn't matter. Felix’s stare was intimidating, and he did not shy away. Your counting became quiet, eyes silencing your voice. Whispering, “1,2,” before forcing yourself to tear away. Another cycle, and your pulse was rising. CPR was hard, but that was not the only contributing factor. As you pulled yourself closer, for the breaths of course, Felix lifted his hand, the one that was facing away from the others, before placing it on your leg. His finger dragged subtlety across the exposed skin on your thigh.

“You’re doing so well baby.”

 It caused you to buckle for a split second, a quick skip in your compressions before making it to 30 again. Your lean was closer this time, teeth gritted as you muttered, “Knock it off before I make your life a living hell.” 

He cannot be fucking serious. He was probably trying to get kicked out, which wasn’t surprising. After his mum came to you, begging for her son to be let into a program of ‘reform’. To be honest, you thought it was a little dramatic, surely her son was not that bad. But maybe you were wrong. Maybe he was unable to be contained. He was already getting on your nerves, but there was no way to pinpoint it on whether it was because he was being inappropriate, or if it was because you actually liked it. 

All he did was smirk as you swapped positions, now what felt like giving Felix all the power. His compressions were fine, it was not what you were really focused on if you decided you were going to be honest with yourself for the day. It was the proximity, or lack there of when he came down for his breaths. His eyes were not mistaken, focused solely on your reaction, the hitch in your breath, each time he got disgustingly close to you. It was supposed to be counted, but the number was far gone, out of the window and thrown into the crashes of the waves. 

Felix stopped, leaning back on his knees as you arose, core aching in a subtle manner. Pushing your hair behind your ears, you adjusted yourself, making sure to not look as disheveled as you felt. Thank god the first day was a half day, because you needed to relieve yourself in some way. A swim, shower, touch, anything, because it felt illegal how aroused your body had become at such a simple gesture.

“Okay, thank you everyone! It was very nice to meet you all and I will see you here at 8:30 tomorrow for our first lesson in the water. If anyone has any questions, please stay back and I’ll be more than happy to answer.”

An array of ‘thank yous’ filled the room as you turned your back to pick up your binder. You should have known better. Taking an eye off them, him was a rookie mistake, because it was only left to the two of you left, alone. For god sake, what could he possibly ask for?

“Ms, y/l/n, Y/n, did you need help putting the dummy’s away?”

“Oh,” you dazed, a somewhat confused expression pondering across your face, “that would be great actually, thanks.”

There were no ulterior motives as Felix went silent, not pushing your buttons, no attempt to provoke you as he watched you open the cabinet, and place the dummy’s one by one. It was kind of humorous, really. See he had the intention of helping you, but instead, just stood there, admiring the way you bent your knees, the way you scooped the dummy into your arms, the way your biceps bulged from lifting. It wasn’t that you were even doing anything special, it was solely the fact that it was you. He was in deep shit if this was what he had to do the rest of the summer. There was no way you would go for him? 3 months of torture is what Felix predicted, but not work torture: horny torture. 

It took you a while to notice him gawking at you, and the idea made you blush. Avoiding his gaze, you locked the cupboard, not wanting to emphasize this situation by any means. You could feel the atmosphere beginning to change, and the heat in temperature was increasing, which was normal being at Bondi, but this was different. Without knowledge, Felix had stepped forward, closing the gap between the two of you. A sharp gasp escaped your lips, Felix really putting you in a bind.

“You okay Felix?”

“I want you.”

The admission was so blatant. It really wasn’t what you were expecting him to say. His digits were lingering on the outside skin of your arm, hair raising in adrenaline coated fear as he continued to stay close. Closer, and closer, and closer. Fuck, this was getting really hard. He didn’t do much, but it’s not like he needed to. It was time to come clean. The moment your eyes landed on him, it was inevitable. Your face was leaning, hesitant to just go for it without asking for clarification first.

“What?”

“You heard me,” his voice was a deep whisper, tone laced with honey that was having detrimental effects on you, “I fucking want you.”

Fuck. Fuck this. One kiss isn’t going to hurt. Felix however, was one step ahead of you, reaching to attach his lips to yours. A soft groan, one that sounded like relief from his mouth as your lips moved together. Felix’s lips were so soft, but that felt irrelevant when his hands were on your neck, thumbs caressing your jaw as you opened your mouth,  allowing his tongue to intertwine with yours. Felix’s kissing technique was so rough, sloppy even, but his touch was so gentle, caressing; his age was showing, and it filled you with nothing but admiration. 

A kiss, one kiss. That’s it. It was done. All you had to do was move away. 

But fuck, was the impossible. Felix’s hands had moved away from your face, traveling down your sides, right until your pelvis. Wrapped around your delicate hip bones, Felix pulled away, sucking on your bottom lip, keeping it between his teeth as his thumb pressed into the flesh skin just above. Another gasp reached from your mouth.

“Fuck, where did you learn how to do that?”

Felix now bit down on his own bottom lip, a look on his face that reeked of ego and arrogance at how he was able to get what he wanted. His fingers were very soothing, easily able to put you in a trance. A hallucination. The callused skin of his fingers would feel so much better in other places. Anyway, the dull ache that had been persistent throughout the rest of the day was at an all time high. It was getting too hard to ignore, and it’s not like you had gotten any action from a man in a while. This could be fun. A nice little summer rendezvous, what could go wrong?

“I have my ways. What do you say we get out of here and you know, continue this?”

“Fuck you’re confident aren’t you?”

He said nothing, instead, using his fingers to talk, they moved closer, and closer, right until his index and middle finger were right in the center of your shorts.

“Felix I-,”

“Shhhh,” he cooed, beginning to rub gentle circles over your clothed core, “feels good, right?”

“Yes, but I-”

“It’s ok baby,” Felix continued to coo, applying just that little bit more pressure that felt like heaven already, “just give me a chance.”

Impatient for your response, his fingers traveled up to your waistband, dipping underneath, passed your panties and straight in between your folds. A panicked hand grabbed his wrist, planning to stop him immediately. But it was already too much. Your hips were already grinding on him, gently, Felix did most of the work himself. Burying your face into his neck, a small whimper escaped from your lips, Felix able to feel you right where you needed him. 

“Fuck, Felix,” you breathed, deep and hard, “we shouldn’t do this.”

“I know baby,” he agreed, withdrawing his hands from your pussy, “maybe we shouldn’t.”

Your jaw dropped, feeling completely duped and betrayed from the sudden lack of touch. He took a step back, walking slowly until he reached the door. Thank god the windows were tinted, because you would be busted and you know it. Turning the lock on the door, the room was shut off to everyone else. That was when he came back over, dropping to his knees, simultaneously and swiftly dropping your shorts and panties with him.

“Oh my god Felix, wait.”

He looked up at you with nothing but concern, identifying the sudden hesitancy in your eyes.

“Everything okay?”

Yes, Felix was a cocky bastard, but he was also caring, something that you were just able to realize. It’s like it suddenly hit you like a brick where you were, what you’re doing. Was it wrong?

“No it’s just, are you sure you really want me?”

Felix slouched, confusion written all over his face as eyebrows furrowed, freckles shining under the artificial light. God he was pretty. His fingers spread across the front of your thighs, soothing rubbing up and down with an encouraging tone.

“Yes, what made you think I’d change my mind?”

“I’m just, it’s just, I’m a few years older than you and-”

“Y/n, in the nicest way possible, I dont give a fuck.”

His face was now perfectly eye level with your pussy, left hand leaving your leg and gently massaging your folds. The contact felt so good, and he wasn’t even touching you yet. His lips were getting closer, puffing out as he bumped into your inner thighs. He wanted to keep going, but he refused to do anything else, not until you gave him permission to touch you, lick you, drown in you. He was dying to do all of that, but not if it meant it made you uncomfortable.

“I know I look younger, but respectfully, I want fuck you so hard that you’ll forget about my age.”

Fuck it.

Your hands were locked in his hair, the long, blonde hair, dragging him even closer, Felix’s tongue subconsciously sticking out as he licked a long, deep stripe in between your folds, and all the way up to your clit. Your hips shuddered, the anticipation definitely unsuccessful at overthrowing the reality of how Felix’s tongue actually felt. His mouth, like his hands, were rough, sucking harshly on your core. God his tongue felt so good, nothing had ever felt like this before.

“Fuck,” you whined, back resting agasint the wall behind. It was all you could say.

“Mhmm,” he hummed, replacing his tongue with his fingers, “how’s that y/n?”

“Really good,” you huff, hips gently grinding on Felix’s fingers, “Felix.”

“I really like when you say my name like that.”

If he was being honest, it could make him cum right on the spot. The more finger fucked your pussy, the more infatuated he became. You were so wet, and Felix was 100% sure he’d never seen a cunt juicer than yours. He just wanted to bury his face in it, have you coated all over his face. It was something he was very much looking forward to, because he was sure he could do it. Make you a shivering mess over and over and over.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he growled, before diving back into your pussy with his tongue. Felix had turned into an animal. It was driving you crazy, the way he became primal. It was unclear that someone younger than you could have so much sexual maturity, yet simultaneously having the technique of a sloppy mess. You were a fixation, something he couldn’t get enough off. His gaze does not move. Solely focused on the way you looked. Each crevice if your lips, eyes, forehead turning up or down. It almost felt criminal to look away. But when you did, it was there, you could see it.

The tent in his pants was big, implying that Felix was probably at his hardest right now. Your legs were tensing up, and you weren’t sure much you could take. 

“Mmmm,” Felix mumbled to you, moving his face and sticking his tongue out, “you taste so good Y/n.”

There was nothing you could say, the only sound of moans and groans, which were only yours, filled the room. The all too familiar tightness at the pit of your abdomen was developing. Hips were bucked, running along Felix’s tongue as you took advantage of his helpful decision to let you use him as a ride.

“Shit, I’m gonna-”

“Shh,” he pulled away, index and middle finger plunging back into your now wet and needy hole, thumb substituting his thumb as he whispered to you, “I can feel the way you’re clenching around me, need to cum?”

His pace was unforgiving, but granting Felix the satisfaction of making you orgasm so easily was something you did not want to give. The last, very small rational and logical part of you was stubborn, really not wanting to give this up. It was too late however. Your legs were already shaking, and Felix was ogling at how easily he had made you come undone. If anything, it shocked you as well. You really did not expect it. He slowed his speed, letting you ride out your high before standing up, pecking your lips, but quickly replacing his tongue with his fingers, slowly slipping the pussy covered digits in knuckle by knuckle. 

“Fuck that’s hot,” Felix gasped, praising how enthusiastically you took him in your mouth. His mind was already wondering about another scenario, one where another part of his body would be enthusiastically buried in your mouth. 

But now was’t the time. Felix was way past the point of that. Once his fingers were ejected, he was patient, painfully, awaiting for the hastiness of your chest heaving up and down with intensity, while gently reattaching his lips to yours. A kiss of affection and gratitude. The last of your high had washed over, but for some reason you were still needy. Wanting more. Felix kept your legs spread, knee on your core as he continued with his delicate lips.

“Felix,” you pulled away, somewhat out of breath, “that was wow, I wasn’t expecting that when I came to work today.”

He chuckled at your ironic statement, that all too familiar smirk coming back to his lips.

“Bet you didn’t expect someone like me to make you shaked hard like that.”

“Yeah,” you giggled, wiping your juice off of the bottom of his lip with your thumb, “there must be some way I can repay the behavior.”

You had never seen someone’s facial expression change in a matter of seconds. 

“Oh, uhm, I wasn’t expecting that.”

If you were being honest, neither did you. But it was already too far gone. The man just licked your pussy for god sakes. This was your chance to take control of the situation. Up until now, Felix had all the power, but that was about change. In some way, you wanted to punish him for completely disobeying you the majority of the day. There was a chair next to you. Hmph. Gently nudging Felix away, you sat on the chair, legs spread wide and on display for him. Lifting your fingers, you motioned to him, hithering your fingers as he sat back down on the floor, maintaining eye contact as the lust began to fill your own eyes.

“Let me show you what it’s like to fuck a woman, a real woman.”

Felix gulped at your statement, swearing he could cum just from your words. Your arms were over your head, removing the last of your shirt and unclasping your bra as you climbed on top of Felix. Looking closely at him, teeth marks sinking below his bottom lip as he knew to pull down his own pants, boxers and shorts in one go. It was cute how desperate he had suddenly become, bottoms barely past his thighs as he watched you intently. Naked body hovering over this pathetic little boy; it was empowering.

“Would you like that?”

“Mhm,” he nodded, sound barely audible as you grabbed his cock, a harsh sounding hiss escaping his lips as you pumped him a few times, sinking your hips milliseconds away from his cock, tip brushing your clit in the most subtle way. His hands came to each side of your ass, wanting to somewhat guide you closer and closer. He could burst at the seems the amount of time you made to tease him. He didn’t do it to you; to him it was unfair to him.

“Come on y/n,” he whined, kneading each cheek, “please don’t tease me.”

“Fine,” you scoffed, however doing a 180 so you were not facing him, “there you go, seeing as you like my ass so much.”

The descend onto Felix, the filling up, the feeling of his cock buried deep inside your pussy hole; the entirety of it was humbling. Felix was bigger than you thought he would be, bigger than you were used to and it was easy to tell that his cock was stuffing you to the brim. 

“Fuck oh my god,” you chocked, gently rocking back and forth on him, “you’re so big.”

A strangled moan was all Felix could reply with, not expecting you to be so tight. Hands still firmly on your ass, Felix watched with intensity as you gyrated back and forth, struggling to take all of him and out. 

It didn’t take long for you to lose yourself in the moment, hands out in front of you to concentrate hard. The veins in Felix's hit all the right spots you could possibly ask for. Losing yourself however ,caused you to lose your concentration, Felix’s grip on your ass getting stronger as he grabbed hold of the reins once again. His aim was to assist you as much as he could, seeing as you continued to struggle to take all of him. There was no pain, no discomfort, just pure bliss and you fucked the shit out of Felix. Or he did to you. The lines were currently blurred but ti really did not matter; it felt way too good to give a fuck about something as trivial as that.

“Cock feels so good Felix,” you whined, a string of curse words muddled in between, “so big.”

“You’re pussy was made for me Y/n,” he grunted, hips dancing to reach yours. The comment made your hips jolt forward. You stopped moving, instead giving Felix all the control to clench those cheeks, hips barely moving as he silently pounded you. His pace was fast, but you could tell there was desperation. He was getting tired, but he wanted nothing more to please you. He was searching for it, that validation from his teacher, you. Maybe because his parents denounced him at any chance they could get, he was getting it from you in the forms of moans, groans, and your legs struggling to keep you up. He suddenly understood everything about your body and the way you wanted it to work, and with much confidence, believed that he could bring you there.

“Please don’t fucking stop,” you cried, “fuck me.”

“You want me to fuck you?”

“Felix please, make me cum,” you gritted, voice hoarse from the constant vocalization of your pleasure, “please.”

“Of course I can,” he whispered, “I’m so close too, just a little longer baby.”

You really could not handle much longer, but somehow you managed, getting Felix to slow down, allowing his thrusts to become languid and deeper, each time brushing against your g-spot with less vulgarity and want. Your eyes were screwed shut, Felix’s jack slack open as his hips commenced their sporadic movement.

“Fuck I’m gonna bust,” was all he needed to say to bring that familiar pit back to your stomach. His left hand spread near the center of your ass cheek, thumb long enough to reach the rim of your asshole. The digit danced slowly, tip slightly poking in, an almost shriek escaping your lips. Fuck, was that your weakness.

“Fuck Felix yes please keep doing that I’m gonna cum.”

He continued his playful assault, whining at the way your pussy clenched around him each time his thumb inched more and more into your ass. No fuck this, you couldn’t hold it anymore.

“I’m cumming,” you exasperated, upper body completely collapsing as he cooed you through your orgasm, slowing his pace down to a minimum. He was dying, wanting more and more of you, but also careful as he did not want to overstimulate you.

“That’s a good girl, Y/n,” he chuckled, “so much pussy juice.”

Hah, what a young person to say. You were still lying down as you turned around, face inline with Felix’s cock as you grasped the base of him firstly, tongue on his tip and you pumped him dry, spurts of cum roping over and over and over until he couldn’t take it anymore, placing a hand on your wrist as a sign to stop.

“So much cum,” you giggled, rubbing any that missed your tongue into your mouth. Hmm, very sweet.

“Jesus,” Felix huffed, completely out of his breath as you helped him lift his hosts and undergarments back up to his hips. Yourself redressing after him. For some reason it was more important for him to be dressed before you were.

“Well,” you smiled awkwardly, tucking your hair behind your ear once more, “that was fun.”

“Fuck yeah it was,” he chuckled, causing the smile to stay on your face.”

“You know you cannot tell anyone about this, uhm, encounter.”

“Oh of course,” imitating his lips to be locked, throwing the zip away, “I don’t even know what you are talking about.”

A look of gratitude was given before the two of you exited the room, parting ways at the departure. 

Fuck, you were in for a long summer because you were too dumb to acknowledge that this would definitely happen again.

[brightblueinky]

Long winded ramblings about a Bronycon video

So I’ve seen some hubbub about a YouTube essay going over the history of the Brony fandom up until the last Bronycon. (You can see it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fVOF2PiHnc ) I just got around to watching it today and I was...somewhat confused by some of the stronger negative takes I was seeing floating around Twitter, and I’ve been in a “fandom discourse” mood lately so, hey, I thought...why not talk about it. The first part of this was originally going to be a Twitter thread until I realized Twitter wasn’t going to let me keep going on the thread so I gave up and decided to put it here instead (lol) so it’s probably going to be a bit choppy since I was trying to keep it readable for that format.

So first of all, my background, so I can be completely honest about where I'm coming from and try not to portray what I'm saying as like...an end-all-be-all take here, because I don't wanna do that. I was never really an MLP fan. I watched the first season of FiM and really enjoyed it, but I didn't really engage with the fandom because by that point I'd gotten to where I didn't spend much time in huge fandoms. So I can't come at this from the perspective of an MLP fan. When I’m addressing the fandom here, I’m coming at it as an outsider in the sense that I am not a MLP fan/brony. What I AM going to do is come at this from the perspective of something of a "native" to fandom. I've always been a geek. I've engaged in online fandom in some form or another since I was about 8, which was in the mid 90s. I've been around the fandom block. Actually, I can even say that I used to lurk on 4chan a lot and I saw a lot of the early Brony discussions there. I also watch @JennyENicholson's videos, and yeah, there's been times where I've been bugged because we had a disagreement of opinions and felt like it was a little harsh. She's got a dry sense of humor and sometimes it's hard to read when she's joking and when she's being genuine. So like, I wasn't surprised when I saw some hubbub from some people online about her doing the video about Bronies. Not at all. But I gotta say...I am really surprised by some of the more INTENSE takes on the video after watching it?? The LARGE majority of the video is @JennyENicholson covering this fandom from an INSIDER'S perspective. She was an MLP fan before FiM, she was active enough in the fandom to be a BNF. A huge, huge amount of the video is positive and nostalgic. In fact I now wish I HAD been in the fandom! It seems like it was a lot of fun! The only thing I felt was maybe harsh in the video is I think she gave the impression that being "furry" is exclusively a sex thing, but by the end she talks about furries being a community that's a very inclusive, kind community with a lot of queer people, so even then I think if you're really paying attention to the whole video you're not going to come away with the idea that the furry community is bad. Just maybe could've had more nuance earlier in the video?  So from glancing through mentions of her in a Twitter search (which is definitely not going to be a perfect sample) from what I can tell there's like two things that people seem to be upset about with the video: 1, the idea that the fandom is "dead" and 2...just...Body Pillows. So let's talk about the dead fandom thing first. As I mention, I have been in fandom a long, long time. Although I (usually) shy away from big active fandoms now, I started off in bigger ones--Sonic, Pokemon, Digimon, LOTR, etc. The two fandoms I currently care about the most, though, are definitely fandoms that tend to be called "dead" and were never HUGE to begin with (Princess Tutu and Chrono Crusade). I think I can count on my hands the number of ppl who actively discuss or create fanwork for CC.   So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've been on both sides of the coin here. And let me reassure Bronies: "Dead", while maybe too strong of a label for what it actually means, does not have to be a negative thing and you don't need to defend your fandom from it, IMO. I think the "dead" label simply means that interest in the fandom has cooled, the number of active participants is significantly down from the heydays of the fandom, etc. And I don't think that's an unfair label for brony fandom from what I know.   If there was a large scale replacement for Bronycon then maybe it'd be unfair, but...yeah, if you're losing your large hubs for the fandom community, if the flow of fanwork and discussion has slowed, I think "dead", as it's used, isn't an unfair label.   But again, I don't think this is a bad thing! I'd imagine that even the current state of the brony fandom is larger and more active than the Princess Tutu fandom at its greatest heights. It's a pretty relative term. It doesn't mean nobody cares, or that you can't still enjoy it! All the "dead" label really means is acknowledging the change in a fandom. It's not a bad thing. I might be 1 of ~30 writers for Chrono Crusade on AO3 but I still have fun writing fic and I still get hits and occasional positive comments. It's not bad. Just different. Okay so now let's talk about the body pillow thing and oh man, is this going to be a minefield, lol. Let's first talk about my personal lens I'm going to come at here... I've created NSFW fanwork. Some of it taboo. I'm also (somewhat) a part of the "proship" discourse on Twitter which is basically a community of people that push back against another community of "anti"-shippers who feel that some ships are problematic (because of character age, power dynamics, etc) and shouldn't be shipped. (I think that simplifies a lot of the discussion on both sides but it’ll do for the purpose of what I’m getting at here, I think.) At its worse this debate has lead death threats and suicide attempts. I have seen people get treated abusively for fanwork (sometimes NSFW but not always). (And I also want to add that while I think the major component of the pro-ship discussions on Twitter are anti-harassment, there’s been some ‘edgy’ types who think that it’s fun to harass antis with NSFW fanwork and the like and I want to make it clear that is ALSO ABUSIVE AND NOT OKAY.) Basically, I want to say I'm sympathetic to a knee jerk defensive reaction over NSFW fanart. Okay? I can get why people might want to push against criticism of stuff they enjoy/create, and that there’s an element of possibly being harassed for fanwork you create. But the thing is, I don't think this is really the attitude Jenny is taking in the video. She lightly mocks NSFW stuff and body pillows, but often describes it as "harmless" and "fine". The only time she's critical of it is when she notes that sometimes body pillows with suggestive poses could be on display at conventions where young kids were present--at a con celebrating a show MEANT for young kids--and that probably shouldn't have been allowed. She's not saying you can't buy a body pillow, or create one. She didn't even say that while discussing body pillows of characters who were 10! She expressed personal discomfort, but the only restriction she really suggested was "keep this out of the sight of minors." And I don't know why that would be a controversial take. I read lemons when I was younger so I'm not going to sit here and act like it's going to completely ruin kids lives or anything. But I ALSO think it's appropriate to have boundaries for sexual materials for kids (or anyone who doesn't want to engage for whatever reason). I want my stuff to be clearly labeled as NSFW, with tags being clear about the content, so people know what they're getting into. I’ve grown to care about this even more as I’ve gotten older. I don’t really want to know about minors reading my nsfw fanfic or anything. I’m not going to, like, parent them and shame them if they do, but I don’t want to engage with it, I want my stuff to be labeled, and I am DEFINITELY not going to put it on public display at a place where I know kids are allowed, ESPECIALLY not when it’s work based on stuff MEANT for children! I mean, I grew up in a fundamentalist Evangelical household and I will rant at you for hours about how damaging I feel that environment was, and that I don’t think kids and teens should be completely shielded from sex, etc. But that doesn’t mean that having boundaries in place is a bad idea, especially when minors are involved. I also think that boundaries are good just for the sake of consent, too? I’m not saying that someone accidentally seeing suggestive art is the same as them being raped, please don’t conflate it like that, but if people don’t want to see it for whatever reason they should be given the opportunity to make that choice as much as possible. The stuff that Jenny mentioned brony conventions would do (requiring stuff to be sold under the table, or having late night hours for the dealer’s room where 18+ merch could be displayed and sold) seem like really good policies and pretty similar to what I’ve seen at anime conventions I’ve attended (although occasionally some stuff that was maybe a biiit more suggestive than I’d be comfortable displaying in public...but hey, my local con allows kids but also makes it clear in their rules that it’s mostly geared for 13+ attendees and that it’s up to parents to decide what’s appropriate for their kids, and I think that’s fair). And yeah, I know, nothing that Jenny showed in the video being displayed at Bronycon was 100% explicit, just suggestive. She notes this in the video herself, saying that yeah, it doesn’t show genitalia, etc...and as I’m writing this I think I’ve maybe rambled too much about NSFW fanart when most of the stuff we’re talking about here is more “suggestive” than straight-up porn, since that’s probably muddying the waters a bit. But I gotta, gotta, GOTTA address the sentiment I saw multiple times on Twitter in response to her video: “Dakimakura/body pillows aren’t sexual and to say that is orientalist.” I...what? What the fuck? Okay, again, I’m going to make it perfectly clear what my background is here so that I’m not claiming to have some expertise that I don’t have: I am white. I am VERY white. My parents did the DNA test thing and the most “exotic” thing that came up is that my dad is 3% Spanish. Not latin american, I mean from Spain spanish. I am sooooo fucking white. I’ve studied a LITTLE of Japanese culture in college classes but that wasn’t even my field of study (Communication major on a Broadcasing track, minor in Theatre) so I’m not going to tell you I’m an expert on Japanese culture. I’m just a weeby geek that grew up in anime fandoms and never really stopped consuming Japanese pop culture. I have a very limited experience with Japanese culture. I am NOT an expert on what is and isn’t orientalist. I know I’m really hammering in this point here but I think it’s really, really important that I make it clear that I shouldn’t be used as an expert on this subject. But what I DO have a background in is someone who has engaged in Western fandom of stuff from Japan from a young age, I did spend a lot of time on 4chan, this is NOT the first time that I’ve seen some form of an “this isn’t sexual at all and you’re just a PERVERT” discussion about fanservice and...okay first of all, I highly doubt anyone saying this is any more qualified to define what is and isn’t orientalist than I am. I think this is bullshit and it feels like an attempt to make your opinions more legitimate by implying people that disagree with you are some form of bigot. (And look, I was a sheltered, insecure, stuck-up teenager in fandom, part of the reason I feel like I can recognize this is I totally pulled the same shit. I am not going to act like I have never tried to pull this and that I’m a pure innocent woke intellectual who’s never said something foolish, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let it slide, either.)

While writing this I googled ‘dakimakura’ to make sure I was spelling it right and noticed that Wikipedia does note that the origins of this style of pillow are sometimes used by Japanese kids as something like a security blanket, which I’m guessing is where the justification for the argument is coming from, but let’s be intellectually honest here--body pillow covers being sold at a convention aren’t primarily meant to be a security blanket for kids. And, okay, maybe you have a body pillow cover with a character on it that isn’t exactly in a sexual pose, just laying fully clothed on what looks like a bedsheet background. But I don’t think it’s an unfair argument to say that even THEN it implies a sort of intimacy, right, possibly a desire for a romantic attachment? Like, sharing a bed with someone doesn’t have to be sexual or romantic, I used to share a bed with my brother in hotel rooms when we were kids, but I’m also not going to share a bed with my brother and then hug him closely to my body no matter how he’s posed or what he’s wearing??? And look, maybe a body pillow isn’t ALWAYS sexual but to say it’s NOT sexual, which kinda implies NEVER, is so disingenuous. The top result I got when I searched for “anime body pillow” is a shop that includes categories like “18+ body pillow” and “sexy body pillow” and also SELLS FAKE BREAST INSERTS FOR SOME OF THE PILLOWS SO YOU CAN SQUEEZE THEIR BOOBS (obviously, NSFW link: https://www.dakimakura.us/ ) Like, COME ON, I don’t think it’s orientalist to say that something is sexual when Japanese people are actually selling body pillows they label as 18+. The second result even has a second for pillows you can insert sex toys into. And yeah I saw the guy saying “masturbation isn’t sex!” and sir at BEST you have a very narrow and incorrect definition of sex as simply being intercourse and, again, at worst you’re just being straight up dishonest. In fact, I’ll straight up call myself out for this. There’s a fanart body pillow of a fictional character I’ve considered buying several times! (Not porn but still probably NSFW link: https://www.etsy.com/listing/701912275/dakimakura-hypnosismic-doppo?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=hypnosis+mic&ref=sr_gallery-1-4&organic_search_click=1 ) Is this porn? No. You can’t see much. But on one side of the pillow he’s got his shirt untucked, you can see a bit of his stomach, and his fly is undone and you can see the band of his underwear peeking out. This is sexual. I’m not wanting it to like, get off on it, exactly...honestly it’s maybe a bit ironic, and a lot of wanting a body pillow in general is I like sleeping hugging onto something but I have a different sleep schedule from my husband I find him too big to hold all night and too warm in the summer anyway. But I’m not going to tell you that me wanting this PARTICULAR pillow case isn’t at all sexual, I know what I’m doing, I like the character and think the drawing is hot. I’m not saying don’t buy body pillows, okay? I’m not saying don’t sell them. I don’t think Jenny is either (she literally OWNS ONE that she shows in the video!!!). But don’t act like there isn’t ever anything sexual about it existing to try to defend their existence, okay? You don’t need to be a fucking coward about it, and you especially don’t need to say it’s racist if people call out something as being suggestive when, well, it fucking is. And I think it’s totally 100% reasonable for someone to say “hey I don’t think it’s a good idea to display suggestive art around kids, especially if it’s depicting young characters.” TL;DR -- Chill, guys. CHILL. Your fandom is getting smaller and the term people use for this is “dead” but that’s not a bad thing, you’ve still got the fandom, you can still enjoy it, there’s definitely no need to take personal offense over it. And enjoy your body pillows, but don’t be disingenuous about the fact that they can be suggestive and try to act like anyone that calls it such is racist, that is such bullshit. Like what you like, other people’s opinions of it is not automatically a personal attack on you, there’s no need to jump to being defensive every time someone says something vaguely negative about it. Chill, fandom friends. Fandom ain’t bad but it also doesn’t need to be the center of your identity and you don’t need to lash out against people for daring to have opinions about a thing you like. You especially don’t need to act like other people are perverts for noting something being suggestive. Chiiiiiiiiiill.

[paulisweeabootrash]

2020 mini-review pack

Di Gi Charat (1999)

Episodes watched: 7

Platform: VRV (Hidive)

Di Gi Charat (pronounced like “carrot”) is a series of fast-paced 4-ish-minute shorts nominally about Dejiko and Rabi-en-Rose, rivals trying to be Earth’s greatest idol.  Who are, respectively, a catgirl and a bunnygirl.  Oh, and also they’re aliens?  That’s... uh... certainly a premise, I guess.  The actual show consists of self-contained gag-filled episodes with no ongoing story, in almost a sitcom kind of way, throwing the characters into situations without context, but with a stable “baseline” situation (unlike, say, Pop Team Epic, where the characters serve more as stock personalities playing different roles in different sketches).  Dejiko is a snarky schemer.  Rabi-en-Rose is a snarky schemer whose main activity seems to be bothering Dejiko at work.  Puchiko is a small and quiet child and behaves accordingly.  And Gema is... something?  I have no clue, honestly, and neither does the fan wiki.  Other recurring characters fill stock roles such as “manager” and “otaku”.  A lot of the humor centers around poking fun at fandom.  It’s a show by, for, and about otaku from an era before our current internet culture, and since I’m a millennial and not from Japan, that makes it unusually hard to evaluate.

W/A/S: 8/2?/5?

Weeb: Chibis.  Catgirls.  Idols.  Kappas.  Kawaii verbal tics.  Akihabara.  Low-detail background characters who look like blobs or thumbs with faces.  Kanji left on-screen but untranslated.  Particular sorts of highly-exaggerated facial expressions we may have become familiar with through emoji, but which still haven’t made their way into American media generally.  This is ludicrously Japanese.

Ass: This really isn't that kind of show.  Although it is certainly designed for adults, as evidenced by the presence of phrases like “naughty doujinshi”.

Shit: The art is fun.  It has style shifts from comic strip to watercolor painting to mainstream 90s anime, and looks better than some of its contemporaries that were, uh, “real” shows.  The opening takes up about a quarter of the total runtime and gets annoying quickly (but that's because it’s clearly designed for being part of a broadcast block, not binge-watching).  Still, unless I’m missing hidden cleverness on account of not having the background knowledge, there’s not much to it.  It’s just okay.

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First Astronomical Velocity (band, active 2011-present)

Platform: Spotify, surprisingly

Okay, this one is a bit different, and I’m jettisoning the whole format for it.  Remember how I said the music-centered episodes of SoniAni were actually pretty good, even though the modeling-centered episodes were so offputting I never finished the show?  Well it turns out that First Astronomical Velocity, Sonico’s band, has released several IRL albums.  Physical copies may be a little hard to come by, but official uploads of a lot of their music can be found on Youtube and Spotify.  Do your musical interests include at least two of: string arrangements that would be at home in a particularly sappy movie soundtrack, 90s-00s alternative rock, synthesizer beep-boops, and that constricted cutesy Japanese women’s vocal style (you know the one I mean)?  Then this is for you.  They’re a pretty good... uh... alt-pop-rock band, I guess is what I’d call them.

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Interspecies Reviewers (2020)

Episodes watched: the entire 12-episode season

Platform: I plead the 5th.  But it’s getting a video release soon, so it will finally be legitimately available in English!

I started this year with a plot-light fanservicey animal-people show, and now I’m ending the year with... a plot-light fanservicey animal-people show.  But unlike Nekopara, this show had me cracking up, eagerly clicking “next episode”, and not complaining about the premise.  I’m sure a lot of people do have a problem with this show’s premise -- which centers almost entirely on various forms of sex work -- and I understand and respect that they will want to skip this show.

But for the rest of you: Interspecies Reviewers is a wildly-NSFW comedy about a group of fantasy world adventurers who gain fame and fortune reviewing brothels of different species.  I expected excessive nudity and fantasy tropes, but I didn’t expect to also get serious thoughts.  Like showing, in the golem and Magic Metropolis episodes, some of the unsettling problems that are looming IRL as deepfakes and sex robots are in development -- note especially the contrast between consensually and non-consensually basing automata on real people in those episodes.  Or the discussion in the last episode of how much riskier sex would be in a world without magic (i.e., ours).  This is a much smarter and more interesting show than you’d expect, considering that it has so much sexual content that it got dropped by two of the networks airing it and even its US distributor.

W/A/S: 5/10/4

Weeb: Although heavily influenced by the Western fantasy media canon of European mythology and Tolkien and tabletop RPGs, familiarity with the tropes of fantasy anime will help you “get” this too, as will familiarity with the -sigh- character dynamics and censorship practices of hentai.  Especially because it’s a comedy, there are probably also instances where I have completely missed topical references or wordplay that a Japanese person would get, but I can’t think of any specific instances right now of “there was clearly supposed to be a joke but I missed it”.

Ass: Look, this could not possibly have more sexual content without unambiguously becoming porn.  Genitals are (almost) always carefully hidden by viewing angle or conveniently-placed glowing (something lampshaded in one episode as an actual feature of one of the species they review), but otherwise, expect lots of nudity and almost nonstop crude humor.  Do not watch this with children.  Do not watch this with your parents.  Do not watch this with friends you don’t know well enough to know how they’ll react to something like this.

Shit: This show is better-made than it deserves to be.  It’s pretty dumb at points, but it’s fun enough to make up for it.  The art is consistent and pleasant, and the opening and ending themes are extremely fun, but it’s not a serious standout in any of those departments.  Also, I swear the background music is stock music, but I don’t remember what other show(s) I’ve heard it in before.

Stray thought: Crim is a precious and relatable cinnamon roll and I love them.

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OreSuki OVA (2020)

Platform: Crunchyroll

So, I know I didn’t cover the whole season in my initial review, but I still want to mention the hour-ish-long finale of this show, which was released straight to streaming.  Short version of the rest of the season: Joro starts to actually fall for Pansy, but a new challenger, Hose, appears.  He is irritatingly attractive and effortless at maintaining the right persona for the situation, leading Joro to describe him as “the main character”.  Hose is the sociopathic manipulator Joro wishes he could be, and Pansy, who has a bad past with him, clearly wants nothing more than for Joro to stand up to him.  But, since this is OreSuki, it’s not going to be handled simply.  No, instead, strap in for a grand finale of Joro and Hose competing in, and trying to manipulate through rules-lawyering, an absolutely ludicrous competition to win the right to date Pansy.  And, on top of it, we also get to finally see how Sun-chan got to be the way he is and what happened at that pivotal baseball game that set off the whole plot.  What has Joro learned from the experiences of the past season?  You’ll see!  And you’ll facepalm about it!

Really, you must watch this if you watched the regular season.

W/A/S: 6/5(!)/4ish

Weeb: Basically the same as I said before.  Gags referencing other Japanese media, anime and otherwise, and it's better if you’re familiar with the high school romcoms and harem comedies Joro thinks in terms of.

Ass (and slight content note): -sigh- Why does the camera need to be there?  Also, Joro, you just committed a little bit of sexual assault for the sake of this contest.  Stop.

Shit: I want to rate this overall better than I did the regular season because I think it’s an excellent finale overall because, even though it ends in a very “let’s leave everything unresolved” way that’s common in media that rely on absurd relationships to propel the plot, it does so in a way that makes sense in character.  I personally think it would’ve been stronger if it had, well, confirmed its title, and at least some of the other “challengers” had lost interest in Joro, but I guess they probably want a Season 2, since they have so much more source material to work from.  There are... oh god 14 light novels?!  That is too many.

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Your Name. (2016)

Platform: DVD

Two high schoolers -- small-town girl Mitsuha, from Itomori, and big-city boy Taki, from Tokyo -- find themselves in each other’s bodies for a day.  They both think at first it must be a very vivid dream, but when it happens again, and they start finding clues like notes they don’t remember writing and comments by friends and relatives about their out-of-character behavior, they realize the body swap is real.  This begins a relationship of mutual understanding that nobody else can really understand -- or would even believe (except Mitsuha’s grandmother, who is... familiar with this phenomenon) -- and the plot then pivots to a tense adventure where they use their connection, some crucial information Taki has, the skills of Mitsuha’s friends, and the intervention of Itomori’s patron deity, to save the town from an impending disaster.

And that’s all I’ll say about that, because I really do think this is something you should go into blind.  My only remaining comments are that (1) the red string of fate is critically important imagery, and is particularly interesting to me here because, if I took a particular scene correctly, Mitsuha made her own red string of fate from sheer necessity, which is a very different twist on that trope, and (2) I am now curious about the history of the body-swapping phenomenon in-universe.

W/A/S: 4?/2/2

Weeb: As mentioned above, symbolism of the Red String of Fate shows up throughout the movie, as do the occasional distinctly Japanese quirk like a wildly out-of-place vending machine or a café with dogs, and but for the most part it’s a cross-cultural story of understanding and dealing with someone else’s life, and of forming a connection other people don’t -- can’t -- truly understand, and to some extent of divides between urban and rural and modern and traditional that I think could play out in any country with just the local symbolism tweaked.  The significance and content of Shinto beliefs and practices depicted, particularly kuchikamizake, are made pretty explicit, so although foreign to the vast majority of the non-Japanese audience, I feel like this movie also has nearly no barrier to entry for people not familiar with the cultural context, so I don’t want to rate it very high on this scale.

Ass: Look.  It involves teenagers switching bodies.  What do you think they do?  Especially Taki?  But it’s played for laughs, not titillation.

Shit: This movie is beautiful and punched me in the feels and was very satisfying.  The closest I have to a complaint about any aspect of it is that the musical breaks that I guess are supposed to mark acts of the movie almost make it feel like binge-watching a short series instead of watching a single self-contained movie.

[saotome-michi]

LGBTQ Rep in Manga: Otoko no ko

Date: January 20, 2019 

Those who are more familiar with Japanese will know that “otoko no ko” usually refers to boys. This is because it’s usually written as 男の子, with 男 meaning “male” and 子 meaning “child”. 

However, within the last decade a new way of writing this has come up and with it, a new meaning. That is 男の娘. As you can see, the character for “male” remains unchanged, but the character for “children” has been changed to 娘, which means “girl”, more specifically a young, unmarried woman. (It also can mean “daughter”). Written in this way, “otoko no ko” or “男の娘” means something like a male girl or a male young woman. (Note: it can also be written as おとこの娘, オトコの娘, and オトコノコ)

In its most basic sense,男の娘 is used for men who cross-dress as young women. Not all 男の娘 are queer; some of them are cis, straight men who just like wearing feminine clothing. But some of them are. Some of them are transgender, gay, bisexual, etc. So let’s look at some depictions of LGBTQ 男の娘 in manga. 

---But first!! An important translation note! English Scanlation Groups translate  男の娘 as “girlyboy”. It is, for the most part an accurate translation, yet while “girlyboy” can be and is used as an insult, 男の娘 is not. I really want to emphasize this, because it’s an important nuance that’s easy to miss. 男の娘 doesn’t have the negative connotations “girlyboy” has, it is more of a description. 

Now, onto the manga!

Otokonoko Doushi Renai Chuu (男の娘どうし恋愛中) by Ooshima Kaoru/大島 薫 (Author) and Fumi Fumiko/ふみふみこ (Artist)

Oh, this one is a great read! In this autobiographical manga, former famous porn star and now famous author, Ooshima Kaoru, describes his life as a pansexual 男の娘, talking about his childhood to how he began working in the AV industry. A significant portion of this manga is also about Michelle, his girlfriend, another 男の娘 who worked as a porn actress. Although it is not stated outright, Michelle is also shown dating both women and men, so he is probably bisexual/pansexual as well. 

The two of them discuss their upbringing, how they met, and difficulties they had throughout their relationship. The conversations here are very interesting and everything feels very realistic. The manga ends with a written epilogue, where Kaoru talks about other conflicts he had with Michelle that he didn’t include within the manga, mostly because those conflicts were unfolding during the making of it. Unfortunately, the two of them have broken up since then, but that doesn’t change the fact that this is a great read and an insightful look into the lives of two 男の娘. It doesn’t hurt that the art here is absolutely adorable; illustrated by Fumi Fumiko, the mangaka of Bokura no Hentai, which focuses on cross-dressers, including one trans woman, the art is cute and simple, with much of the anecdotes being drawn as 4-koma comics. 

At only 1 volume, the manga is a quick read. You can find it in English on dynasty-scans.com. Also if you can read Japanese, a quick google search of their names will bring up more articles and interviews with Kaoru and Michelle, if you’re interested! Kaoru also has a twitter at OshimaKaoru. 

Warning: Mentions of adult/minor sex  

Fukakai na Boku no Subete o (不可解なぼくのすべてを) by Konayama Kata (粉山カタ)

What a pleasant surprise this manga was! I found this while listlessly scanning manga websites and wasn’t sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t sincere discussions about gender and gender expression! Damn I need to start raising my expectations! 

The premise of this manga is simple: High School student Iwaoka Tetsu notices that his classmate Mogumo is lonely at school. Wanting to give Mogumo a chance to make some friends, Tetsu invites Mogumu to work at his family’s maid cafe. Although Mogumo is initially enthusiastic about the opportunity, they run into a problem—it’s a girlyboy cafe, but Mogumo isn’t a boy nor a girl.

Cool right? Mogumo is nonbinary and doesn’t identify as a 男の娘, but the other people working in the cafe (sans Tetsu) do and within that group we have, two trans woman, one gay man, and one straight man who just loves to cosplay! Initially they don’t quite understand Mogumo, but they’re willing to learn and Mogumo soon finds a place in the cafe. There are lots of teaching moments for everyone and everyone improves because of it. As a result, you have a sweet manga that is sometimes clumsy and overly simplistic in its execution, but heartwarming in its sincerity. 

Only 8 chapters are out so far and updates are monthly. You can also find this one in English on dynasty-scans.com. The mangaka, Konayama Kata, even has a tumblr, @konayamakata, and a twitter, kt_konyam. 

And that’s it for now! Hope you guys found this post interesting and helpful! Also, I want to give a special thank you to Hachimitsu-scans who scanlated both of these manga works! 

[applegelstore]

Hey! Just wanted to drop by and say I really love your art and seeing your content! Along with the ideas you speak of sometimes. It's so nice to see because it looks like you enjoy what you do. It's an inspiration, really. I also wanted to ask, what's your inspiration? And what keeps you motivated? And this next one might be a bit personal, but do you have moments of self doubt? How do you deal with it?

Hi! First of all, thanks a lot for the ask, I don’t get personal questions about my art very often, so it’s very cool to see that some people are actual people and not porn bots, and are actually interested in the things I post!

Now for the actual ask, which I’ll totally have to divide into parts. I’ll also set a cut because it got hella long. Now, let’s go!

I have a very bad habit of word vomiting whenever I post art. It’s not only ever since I’ve started binge drawing Zesty fanart, I’ve pretty much always been like this ever since I started posting art on the internet about… 12 years ago at the very least?It used to be a lot of musing about the art itself (like, “what do you think, should I have tried this or that?” or “I had trouble with this thing” or “I actually like how whatever turned out”), which is probably due to the fact that teenage me had still a lot to learn and wasn’t afraid to admit that and ask for advice. I mostly posted my art online to get some peer advice.Nowadays, I am still aware of my shortcomings, but I don’t talk about the technical aspects of my art that often anymore. Nowadays, I have two reasons for posting art online: 1) I’m trying to make a living out of this shit, so naturally I’m trying to make as many people as possible aware of the fact that I exist. 2) I just wanna talk about the thing ™. Honestly. Never underestimate either of these points. That’s why there’s very often so much text and ranting in the tags. Because. I. want. to. talk. about. the. thing. I have an unholy amount of sticky notes on my desktop with ideas of things I’d either like to do because I think it would be subjectively cool, or because it might be a good addition to my portfolio. (spoilers: the former usually gets done like a decade earlier)I’m very glad that the sparks fly over and it shows that I love the things I love! ♥The result is novel-length descriptions for single sketches and tag vomit, though, lol.

“I also wanted to ask, what’s your inspiration?”

There’s no easy answer to that. First of all, it sounds a bit as if I was actively looking for inspiration. Which I am not. As I said, I rather have too many ideas and end up scrapping an unholy amount because even if I only do doodle shitpost sketches there’s no way I can do it all in a lifetime. I don’t know whether you had been implying that I actively look for inspiration or not, but if you did, let me tell you that I don’t. If you didn’t mean to imply that, no harm done.However, that doesn’t mean I don’t GET any. Because of course I get my inspiration from all kinds of places. I don’t watch a lot of movies, but I love going to the cinema and hearing the sounds and get eye candy (I love epic shots with the camera panning over landscapes and cool action scenes. Also, go watch The Secret of Kells, everyone). I always come out of blockbuster movies feeling like I wanna do something epic, too. I always listen to a whole lot of music, too, and there’s way too many songs that make me want to tell stories, and that plant pictures in the cinema in my head.(there was a time before Tales of Zestiria when I did original art and most of my paintings had some kind of musical inspiration lol. My stories, too).

Then there’s style and subject matter.Style first. I stopped aiming for a specific style pretty early on (like, late teens), and just accepted what came to me and works for me. The result is the weird anime not quite anime semi realism mixture that I have going, and the ratio usually varies depending on what I currently want to do. If I gave you a list of my favorite artists, you’d probably be surprised how little my own art has in common with theirs.Subject matter? WELLLLLL my original stuff comes from what I told you above, additionally, I studied medieval literature for a reason, and I loved mythological tales from my teenage years onwards. I’m much less enthusiastic about them now, but it used to influence my original art for quite a few years.…Also, I obviously like to do fanart. Like, a lot.

Also spoilers: I obviously love Zesty a tiny bit too much, because for no other fandom the streak of fanart has ever been holding up for two years and still counting without an end in sight, and I’ve never come up with any AUs, either. Usually my ideas went straight into original material, and this original material usually got top priority, but here it’s different, and I’m not sure whether it’s a good or a bad thing, haha. So basically don’t wait for my original stories* until I’m either a) done with the Zesty fandom or they’ve united and kicked me out or b) I’ve actually drawn at least four more full scale elaborate illustrations, have created the four or five AUs that I keep doodling for and ranting about, and I have finally run out of steam. Bets are up what happens first.

If you want specifics, it’s always easier to determine inspiration for a particular piece than in general. It can be so many different things.

* Although I still very, very much like some of my ideas and would actually love to do them. I just love to do low-effort Zesty fanart more XD. Shocking! But honestly, I am as surprised as anyone else that my muses shifted as much as they have, and mid-twenties me would never have guessed she’d fall into this rabbit hole in no time…

“And what keeps you motivated?”

I never… really needed to push myself to be motivated. It’s always been intrinsic. I had pictures in my head, I wanted them out. So I had to learn how, and do it. I have ideas in my head. I want to share them. I very much like this thing others have made. I want to tell the entire world how much I love it, so I do by drawing fanart. Simple as that.Positive responses (and asks like this!!) are a great motivator to POST art, but not to DO the art. The latter is intrinsic.Actually, probably TOO intrinsic. Because I keep drawing the things I WANT to draw and not those which would teach me new skills and thus help with “make money with art” thing. So I guess it’s a bit of a mixed bag, haha.I started drawing daily instead of just regularly at some point during my master’s studies, so roughly 8-5 years ago? Whenever I’m on the road or beaten by illness or bad feelings, I sometimes only manage very simple, super bad sketches, but it’s better than nothing. Luckily, it’s not like that every day (still more often that I’d like to, though).

If you’re wondering:Yes, I’ve had artblocks. Usually not in the sense of “I don’t have ideas”, but VERY MUCH in the sense of “I don’t feel like any of the ideas I have right now” and also “nothing I touch turns out the way I want it to turn out”. To all artists out there: it goes away. Believe me. Your stupid period will be over next week (to the guys out there: that’s not a joke. It DOES affect my general condition). It will be better the moment YOU feel better from whatever you’re currently suffering from.Yes, I’ve also scrapped ideas not because I didn’t like them after all, but because I tried and just failed repeatedly at executing them. Yes, I’ve had such bad times in life that I didn’t want to do ANYTHING. That included art. I just. didn’t. want. to. do. anything. Sometimes I still have these phases, but at least it no longer lasts for months straight without break.

“And this next one might be a bit personal, but do you have moments of self doubt?”

Pfft. Of course. Show me an artist who hasn’t. I’ve learned by now that you can acquire every skill you want. The question is whether you have the time and the will for it. If I had started drawing daily much earlier in life, and if I’d practiced more of the things I’m not good at instead of doodle shitposting, I’d be at an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT level than I am now. Even if I had STILL studied what I studied as I did (as I said, medieval literature, nothing art related). I’ve been drawing ever since I could hold a pencil and my parents have always been supportive, so that wasn’t a problem, I just wasn’t aware all these years that it could be something future me might want. Past me couldn’t have KNOWN. It’s okay, in a way. I can do the things I WANT to do by now. Not always as majestically as the ideas deserve, but it does the job. I don’t need to be able to do hyper realistic portraits, or hyper detailed interiors of space ships, for example. (it would be cool to be able to draw musical instruments tho. I’d love to learn 2D animation, too, but WHEN??) In short, am I aware that I’m not god and that my skills are limited in comparison to many other artists? Yes. Is that a problem? No.Do I doubt whether I can do my job, though? Very much yes. Because successful freelance artists don’t only need skill, they need to sell themselves, and I suck at that most epically. Do I miss the times when I didn’t even think about becoming better but simply drew for fun? Pretty much, yeah. Do I miss the times when I still had the ability to concentrate on elaborate, large paintings? Yes, I do. But I can’t turn my brain back to 10 year old. So I’ll have to deal with what I have now.

If you’re wondering whether I had moments of self doubt about my ideas, then, yes, very super much yes. I am convinced that the things you produce should be what YOU want to see. I want to draw what I want and tell the stories I WANT TO SEE AND READ. As I said, I’m doing it because I want these things to exist. Does it still hurt if nobody else likes these ideas? Yes, yes it does very much. It’s not even that I start thinking my ideas were bad, but that I start thinking “Nobody understands me and nobody will ever be able to like me because they don’t like my ideas, and my ideas are part of me”. Which is true, but it is ALSO true that you do not have to like every single idea some other person has to like them or be friends with them, I am aware of that, but if I may be honest here, it’s still a thought that I can’t quite get rid of, and still gets me angsty whenever I share some of my story ideas with anyone.

“How do you deal with it?”

I don’t. Ahem. Truth be told, I never really developed a proper coping mechanism for failures, and I don’t exactly like that about myself, but I still haven’t found a proper solution. As much as I stress that I do the things I do because I actually want to, I also told you that it scares me to see people disagreeing. It’s not only art related, whenever I feel I messed something up (school ie. marks, socialisation, whatever), it eats at me for days or even weeks until something positive happens (like, better marks, a compliment, anything). I don’t really like it, mostly because it starts a vicious cycle, but that’s how it is. I had surprisingly little problems with that during my university years because I had good marks, but I still mess up at least 50% of all the social interaction I do. It’s not always that easy with art, either.Story time.I remember one conversation with an artist who’s teaching art classes at my (ex) university, like, portrait drawings and flower paintings. So at some point when I started trying to live on art, I asked her whether she’d be interested in offering classes for other art styles as well, like comic drawing classes. She said she’d be interested, so I wanted to talk to her in person, but she never replied to that email reply. I decided to be bold for once, grabbed my portfolio, and went to her after one of her classes to show her what I’m doing. Put on the spot, she admitted that she didn’t reply any further because she didn’t like what I was doing. It was good from a technical aspect, but it seemed dull and uninspired to her, like something she had seen too many times already.I was devastated.I’ve always had to deal with underwhelming responses from peers and friends, too, but I also got some really sweet reactions and genuine support, so it was kind of a mixed bag, overall. I wasn’t used to that kind of harsh rejection of who I am.

Am I also very, VERY petty and jealous? Hell, yes. I get VERY jealous whenever I see people whose art is on my level or below but they still manage to make money with it, and have 10-100 times the amount of followers I have and/or get more enthusiastic responses online. It just makes me angry. The only way of coping I’ve ever found is stay the fuck away. I KNOW that it’s not these people’s fault if I’m jealous, and goddamn, freelance artist life is hard enough as it is. We don’t need to tear other apart. Surely they worked their asses off to be where they are. Heck, I’m friends with some. I keep away from those people so I can calm down and stop being angry, before I start lashing out at artists just because they get the attention they need and deserve. It’s not THEIR fault that I need money and also reassurance.

The only thing that ever worked for me to overcome any of these issues is just continue nevertheless. Keep doing what you’re doing. Remember what you love and why and JUST KEEP DOING IT. Even if you don’t see the point right now. Chances are you will see that point again. Maybe you never will. But IF you ever do, you want to make damn sure that you didn’t drop the ball in the meantime. There’s that saying that you can lose if you fight, but you can’t win if you never fight. It’s true. Be stubborn and show the world your middle finger.Spoilers: I’m teaching comic style drawing classes for the “rivaling” institute now. Always only in super small groups and it’s badly paid, so I don’t know for how long I’ll be able to keep it up, but it’s a start, right?

I hope that answered your questions!

Last remark: always remember, kids: you HAVE to produce the content you want to see yourself. Nobody is gonna do it for you unless you pay them. So. I’m doing it. Against better judgment, lol.…and watch The Secret of Kells.

[russellthornton]

What Is A MILF? The Surprising Truths & Thoughts Behind Its Meaning

‘MILF’ is code for Mother I’d Like To Fuck. But there’s really much, much more to it. Here’s a unique take on what is a MILF exactly.

If you’re a dude you’ve probably used this term more times than you care to admit. Walking down the street with your boy, you see an unusually attractive older lady and you’re like, ‘Bro, check out that MILF.’ But if you’re wondering, what is a MILF, it’s time to educate yourself.

What is a MILF?

It’s just one of those words we like to say. It rolls off the tongue like sweet honey… Sometimes we say it for humor. Other times the word MILF is just… definitive. The truth. There’s even a male equivalent—‘DILF’, which is code for Dad I’d Like To Fuck.

Primarily, being a MILF/DILF means you’re older but still look remarkably attractive. MILF is sort of similar to the term cougar, which is a woman who is independent, older, and likes her meat younger.

But MILF/DILF are different in that those terms suggest you have parenting responsibilities. Which could also suggest you’re in a committed relationship… [Read: How to make an older woman fall in love with you]

Which is why the term MILF feels kind of taboo

Let’s take it back…

#1 ‘You low-down Mother Fuckers.’

– US soldier to his draft board, 1911

#2 ‘You see this cat, Shaft is a bad mother

(Shut your mouth)

But I’m talking about Shaft

(Then we can dig it)’

– Isaac Hayes in his song ‘Shaft’, 1971

Another controversial term: ‘Mother fucker’ was used as early as the late 19th century. But throughout the years, mother fucker was softened into minced oaths such as:

– Motherfugger

– Mother for you

– MOFO

The cool thing about this word is that you can’t say it, and even when you do you’re expected to make it cryptic. Unless you really don’t give a fuck and want to make your feelings clear… *‘Mother fucker, I dare ya! NO, I double dare ya!’*.

The funny thing is most people don’t think about ‘mother fucker’ in terms of actually having sex with a mother. Counter-intuitively, they associate it with awesomeness OR sometimes with offensiveness. [Read: What’s in it for the older woman dating the younger man?]

‘That movie was mother fucking amazing.’

Or

‘Yeah, well, fuck you, you dumb mother fucker.’

THEN the internet hit and these things happened…

– Lots and lots of porn

– Lots of sexualized material on TV/movies/media

– Even more sex on social media, which popularized acronyms for sex like: mofo, ons, dtf, bdsm, bbw…

– Lots of new dating sites/apps that made dating/sex a whole different ballgame

– Everything became a candidate for ‘LOL cool’, e.g. Stiffler’s mum in American Pie

This is why I think the word MILF is sort of an evolution of the phrase mother fucker. However, it’s also a very unique and ultra-modern word. Let’s take a deeper dive into its meaning…

#1 Milf is short-code. People need short codes to speedily distinguish between categories of things in the world. MILF generally makes it clear that the mentioned person is an older woman.

If I’m with a buddy on a crowded street and want to let them know about an older lady with a gorgeous look, I’ll say, ‘MILF dead ahead, 8 out of 10.’ He knows to skip over the faces under 30 and search for the hot 35+ year old. It’s simply a matter of critical timing. [Read: You guide to scoring yourself a MILF]

#2 A MILF is the wet dream. Teenagers going through puberty may be unable to attract or connect with girls their own age. For example, an adolescent who spends too much time watching porn and doesn’t have good social skills…

Due to his inexperience, he might naturally be drawn to a more maternal, nurturing figure—thinking she will mother him up unconditionally and acceptingly.

#3 A MILF is emotionally developed. Maybe you’re bored of club life and people with stringy attention spans. You want more depth. You can find depth in young people, but many higher order character traits take a lifetime to build. And it’s a never-ending journey. So, some people will consider a person to be a MILF if they meet the emotional connection criteria.

#4 A MILF is very cute or hot. There’s a somewhat universal attractiveness level spectrum, whether or not we like to admit it. In other words, people can generally agree on whether someone looks attractive or not and roughly what level of attractive they look, even if they’re not specifically ‘their type.’

This might sound controversial, but if you’re honest with yourself you may agree *ever heard the phrase ‘she’s out of his league’?*.

Things like facial details symmetry and body shape all factor in. And with that said, some people age better than others and stay looking attractive for longer. Which means that they stay looking remarkably attractive for longer. Note that the word GILF *for grandmother* isn’t popular, because there’s less chances a woman will stay looking hot at that stage of her life *although there are many exceptions*. [Read: The 30 traits of hot women that men love]

#5 The MILF is a new kind of woman. Women had massive inequality pre-world wars. Post-world wars, they slowly gained more rights. Today they’re more on an equal footing with men societally than they have been in any other time. In some arenas, such as within education, they outperform guys. It’s no longer a given that a woman’s role in society is to get married and to have children by a particular age.

Customs are unclear—more open-ended. Women have more independence and make their own sexual decisions with less social repercussions. Words like MILF pop into existence in times like this. People aren’t so sure that an older lady is probably someone else’s wife or that she won’t be DTF. [Read: The meaning of DTF and signs she’s feeling it]

#6 The MILF is straight to the point. Being messed around by a 22-year-old Colombian chick who doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going? One of the appeals of MILFs is that they don’t play games with you.

It’s a popular belief that if a MILF doesn’t feel you she won’t take your info or reply to your messages. But if she is into you she really means to follow through and may even initiate things, because she’s confident enough in her own skin and knows what she wants *she probably also works out if you’re the real deal faster*. [Read: The pros and cons of dating a woman in control]

#7 A MILF might not be a mother. I’ve never been walking with a friend and we see a hot older lady and my friend says: ‘That is either a hot MILF or a hot cougar.’ He probably doesn’t care if she’s mothered offspring. What’s important is that she looks like she could mother offspring.

We’re usually attracted to people that look capable of passing on genes to create healthy offspring. When we notice curvaceous hips or a buxom chest, this is us looking out for signs of genetic health. The hips don’t lie.

#8 The 20-year-old MILF? Of course, a woman in her 20s could be a MILF. But you often hear ‘baby mother’ used more in that situation. A MILF is a bit more like a fine wine… something that takes a given amount of time to develop properly.

Though I saw a girl who was 22 and had a toddler. It was the first time I’d dated a mother, and I definitely used MILF more than a few times.

#9 The 30-35 MILF. A popular MILF imagery is the ‘dirty 30s’ MILF who is sexually ravenous or a recently divorced single mum. She’s rediscovering who she is and is going yolo. She may be dating several guys at the same time and looking for completely no strings attached sex. [Read: 17 important guidelines for NSA sex]

#10 The conqueror’s trophy MILF. To get with one, you may need to be direct. You should also know what you want. She’s seen too much in her time to be won over by timidity. To add to this, she’s not a commonly ‘available’ demography. Think about it this way: the market tends to value things based on supply and demand. So, if something is in high demand, but seems to be in relatively short supply, it’s going to increase in value.

There are simply fewer older and hot women still dating compared to younger women. So, this literally makes MILFs a hot product. And hunters of MILFs get a sense of self-validation from knowing they won something difficult to get. It’s competition.

Say you’re 20, and a MILF you come across is 45. Chances are it’s less socially acceptable for her to get with you. There’s more in your way in terms of natural social obstacles. So, if you proceed to get her despite this, it says something about your tenacity and abilities.

#11 A MILF can have dirty affairs. I think being a parent tends to make you mature sooner, both emotionally and spiritually, whatever your age. This is because of the higher amount responsibility you bear. When a MILF does anything she does it properly. That means a sweeping, mature, lusty affair. By comparison, a ‘baby mother’ is more likely to bring drama and angry ex-lovers who carry guns. This is simply because younger people generally have less life experience than older folk.

By the time you’re in your 30s you’ll have more perspective on some of life’s absurdities. So, a MILF is more likely to have emotional control and able to keep a dirty secret. [Read: 15 dirty ways to have the sexiest rough sex ever]

#12 A MILF understands sex and sexuality. Think of a hot 20-year-old girl… It’s not hard to get the feeling that her body as it is just popped into existence one day and she woke up with an uber-slim waste line and a perky bubble butt. She didn’t go to the gym for it. She might even have a diet of cigarettes and Coca-Cola.

The same thing is likely to be the case with that girl’s sense of her own sexuality. She’s not matured fully yet. She doesn’t yet know what she likes and enjoys, or what she really appreciates in a partner.

A MILF’s sexuality is practiced. It’s deep, subtle, knowing. She truly appreciates sexuality to a level that shocks you. A MILF may dress modestly and show her sexuality in subtle ways. Her sexuality may seem to emanate from her sleekly and stylishly. However, when you make a moment of intense eye contact with a MILF, there’s a knowingness there.

Don’t get me wrong, people can be impulsive and naïve whatever their age, but wisdom and skills generally tend to form with time.

[Read: Cougar dating: 10 rules to dating an older woman]

Hunters like to explore. They know that variety is the spice of life. Understanding what is a MILF and the slightly taboo off-limits temptation can only be addressed in a socially acceptable way through code.

The post What Is A MILF? The Surprising Truths & Thoughts Behind Its Meaning is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[eldritchsurveys]

981.

5k Survey LXI

3101. Would it bother you if your priest, rabbi or other religious leader (teacher if you are not religious) started wearing a plain black mask all the time? If yes, why? >> What... what kind of mask? Because at this point in history, wearing a mask is just normal, lmao. But if it was, like, a balaclava or a Batman mask from the Halloween store, or something, that’d probably be unsettling. 3102. Where do you look for the answers? >> What answers? 3103. If you are driving and someone honks at you does it ruin your whole day? >> I don’t drive. 3104. If you are driving and you get angry at another driver do you yell at them through their and your closed window? open the window and yell at them? throw things at them? stop the car and start a fight with them? do something else? >> --- 3105. I'm in the right lane on the parkway. There is an exit only lane on my right. A car pulls out from behind the pack into the exit only lane. When that car gets to the exit he is right in front of me only one lane to the right of me. Instead of exiting the parkway he tries to creep back in in front of me. I get pissed and honk the horn. He (I keep saying he but I couldn't tell) throws up his hands as he slides in front of me. I think this is funny and toot again. He throws up his hands again. I do this about three more times and each time I toot he throws his hands in the air. Then my exit clomes up and I have to get off. From the time he got in front of me until I got off the parkway we drove approx. 20 feet. What you think about this situation? >> I think that’s a lot of unnecessary action, personally. He definitely should have been more aware of what lane he was in, but sometimes that shit happens. I see it all the time as a passenger, and being obnoxious about it doesn’t really get anyone anywhere. Also, I hate honking, period, so there’s that.

3106. Do you live in reality or in your 'own little world'? Which one is better? >> I live in both. Obviously I prefer Inworld, but I wouldn’t pick one at the expense of the other because I really don’t have to. 3107. Who's your favorite soprano? >> --- 3108. Why is there porn geared towards straight men, gay men, lesbians but none really geared towards straight woman? >> I’m pretty sure there is porn geared towards straight women. You’re just not going to find it on, say, your average page on PornHub. 3109. Is there more to being human than chemicles and impulses? If yes, what? >> I couldn’t say. I like to think there is, but I wouldn’t argue about it. 3110. What if all the boys in jail could get out now together? >> Huh? 3111. If your shoes could talk what would they say? >> --- 3112. How many windows are in your house? >> Not enough. 3113. Did you walk around your house and count them all? If not what did you do? >> Of course not. 3114. Do you think people store memories as pictures or words? >> Pictures, words, sounds, smells, emotional triggers, vague impressions, bodily sensations... 3115. If you got sent to jail who would your one phone call be to? >> --- 3116. Pick a movie you have seen: Give a 2 sentance review about it using the word 'go': >> No. 3117. Pick a song you like: Give a 2 sentance review of it useing the word 'come': >> --- 3118. Pick a person you like: Give a two sentance description of them useing the word 'lunchbox': >> --- 3119. What do these 3 words have in common: hippo, camp, us? >> Say them quickly and it’s a whole new word. 3120. If you could save time in a bottle, the first thing that you'd like to do is.. >> No. 3121. Who is the most powerful person in the world that you can think of? >> --- 3122. If you were designing a mini-golf hole what would it be like? >> --- 3123. Why do you think certain people become targets for teasing in school or exclusion at work? >> There are many reasons, none of which I feel like getting into right now. No matter what the reason, it’s poor behaviour. Period. 3124. Why, in essays, is the word 'I' not allowed to be used when it is our own PERSONAL thoughts being expressed? >> I don’t know the reason, although I do know that there is one. It’s just not something I care about remembering. 3125. What song would you like your doorbell to play? >> I hate doorbells. 3126. Would you rather watch MTV or play GO FISH? >> Neither. 3127. What is an itch? >> ??? 3128. Why did the holocost happen? >> Are you kidding me? 3129. Would you be capable of torturing another person? >> Probably. But just because I know I have the capacity for it doesn’t mean I’m particularly keen on taking that sizeable hit to my mental / spiritual well-being. 3130. How did Hitler's army do this and still believe they were good people? >> There’s been whole books written about this, man. 3131. Do you like poetry to rhyme? >> I don’t care eithe rway. 3132. Does 'jewish' describe a race or a religion? >> Ethnicity* or religion. In which case, the answer is “yes”. 3133. How tall are you? >> 5′5″. 3134. If Hitler was capable of such cruelty to others, and he is human, does that mean that all humans are capable of this cruelty?/ >> Are we still on this? Yes, that’s what it means. Can we move on now? 3135. How long have you ever gone without sleep? >> About four days. 3136. Is a mouse a miracle? >> Probably. I don’t really call anything a miracle so I don’t have an internal framework for that concept. 3137. there are alcoholics, chocoholics, shoppoholics, practically anything can be an 'oholic. What's your 'oholic? >> I’m not addicted to anything. 3138. Does heaven have a phone number? If it did would you call? Who would you ask to speak to? What would you say? >> All I thought about was that god phone at Burning Man. 3139. Fortune time!! 1,2, 3, or 4? if 1: 5, or 6? if 2: 7 or 8? if 3: 9 or 10? if 4 11 or 12? >> 3 --> 9.

Now pick a letter between A and G: if A: 13 or 14? if B: 15 or 16? if C or D: 17 or 18? if E or F: 19 or 20? if F: 21 or 22? if G: 22 or 23? >> D --> 18. --------- you should now have two numbers. look at both numbers below and combine the sayings to get a fortune. 5: you are a very loving person 6: you will become very rich 7: you are too hard on yourself 8: cats will bring you bad luck 9: gremlins will eat all your cheese 10: you are going on a trip 11: someone you don't know will be watching you 12: you will get what you want --- 13. and your life will be filled with romance 14. but you will fall in love with a babboon 15. and salt is lucky for you 16. or you will inherit a cough medicine factory 17. and you will not come back 18. and you will lose the remote 19. or your favorite team will win 20. and you were born under a lucky star 21. but the next person who leave you a note is attracted to you 22. and you will have a stalker soon 23. or your best friend will take you to a movie >> Gremlins will eat all your cheese and you will lose the remote. 3140. Do you vote? >> Yeah. 3141. Are you always honest with yourself? Were you honest when you answered that question? >> Unfortunately not. 3142. What kinds of diary names or entry titles make you specifically NOT want to read that diary? >> --- 3142. Is writing an online diary more about being honest about yourself or entertaining your readers? >> My actual diary entries are private, because they’re for me only. When I make posts on tumblr or wherever, then it’s mostly about expressing myself, and hopefully connecting with others by that expression. 3143. What are you the last of? >> --- 3144. Who do you really appreciate and what have you done lately to show that you appreciate them? >> Hm. 3145. When people do good deeds are they really doing them because they are a good person or because they want to feel like a good person? Or both? >> Wanting to feel like a good person is a perfectly reasonable reason to do good deeds. The feeling that one gets from doing the thing creates a feedback loop of doing more of those kinds of things, which is a net positive all around if you ask me. 3146. Somewhere far back in the survey I asked if Bill Gates or Mothe Thereasa was more successful. The most popular answer I have seen is 'it depends on how you define success'. Well, this survey is about YOU isn't it? So how do YOU define success? >> I don’t have a definition for it because it means nothing to me personally. 3147. Are people making up reality as they go along? >> I mean, more or less, if you think about how our senses and sensory processing works. 3148. You may need a calculator for this one. Think of your weight. Divide it by 2.2, multiply the answer by .8 What do you get? That is how many grams of protein you need to eat every day to stay healthy. Do you think you eat enough? >> This sounds so fake. 3149. What is your feeling about republicans? >> I don’t have any feelings about the general concept of Republicans. 3150. What do you need to do? What do you need to stop doing? >> Vacuum, eventually. I don’t know about the second question.

[brittanyyoungblog]

I’m a Cisgender Woman and My Husband Watches Trans Porn: Does That Mean He’s Not Into Me?

A reader submitted the following question: 

“I recently discovered that my husband is attracted to transsexuals (MTF - non op). This is the only type of porn that he looks at. He also role plays online with men for sexual play and chat. I discovered this after I started snooping because I had some red flags. He is very embarrassed and uncomfortable discussing it. He has apologized for the online chatting (as we had agreed this was out of bounds for our relationship). He says he likes them because they are feminine but his primary attraction is to women (with female parts). However, I just am not sure I believe him. I am terrified that when we are intimate (which I have to pretty much beg for), he can only do it when its dark and I am fearful he is fantasizing that I have a penis. This bothers me deeply on a number of different levels. Are there men who are only interested in transsexuals? Is it possible he is no longer turned on by my female genitalia?”

There’s a lot to unpack in this question, but let’s start here: over the years, I’ve received several emails from women describing similar stories and concerns, so you’re not alone in feeling the way that you do.

That said, before we get into your husband’s attractions and what they mean, it’s important to avoid shaming him for his sexual fantasies and turn-ons because that won’t help this situation at all. It sounds like he already feels a lot of shame and there are clearly some intimacy issues in the relationship, so in the interest of keeping the lines of sexual communication open and productive, try to show as much care and understanding as you can to avoid adding to his feelings of shame.

As I discuss in my book Tell Me What You Want, the content of our sexual fantasies is very diverse and it’s perfectly normal for partners to sometimes have sexual turn-ons that are quite different from one another. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re sexually incompatible or that the relationship can’t work, though. Most people have multiple sexual interests, so sexual compatibility is a matter of finding your common ground, while respecting the areas where you differ.  

When it comes to attraction to transgender partners specifically, this isn’t an uncommon fantasy for men to have had before. In the survey of 4,175 Americans’ sex fantasies I conducted for Tell Me What You Want, I found that 20% of cisgender heterosexual men reported having fantasized about a transgender partner before. The number who said this is something they fantasize about frequently was much lower, but the fact that 1 in 5 men reported the fantasy at all tells us that it’s not a rarity.

By contrast, just 5% of cisgender heterosexual women said they had ever fantasized about a trans partner before. So this is a fantasy that appears to be much more common among cis men than it is among cis women. The disparity we see here may help to explain why I’ve received lots of emails from female readers who are concerned about their husband’s or boyfriend’s attractions to trans persons, but I’ve yet to receive an email from a cis man concerned about his wife or girlfriend being attracted to someone who is trans. 

It’s worth noting that most heterosexual men who are attracted to transwomen are also attracted to cis women. In a 2015 study published in the journal Psychological Medicine, researchers hooked heterosexual, gay, and trans-attracted men up to an erection-recording device before showing them three different kinds of porn: man-on-man, woman-on-woman, or transwomen having sex. 

What the researchers found was that both straight and trans-attracted guys showed high arousal in response to lesbian porn, but low arousal when watching gay male porn; by contrast, gay guys demonstrated precisely the opposite pattern. 

When watching porn featuring transwomen, though, only the trans-attracted men demonstrated high levels of arousal. For straight and gay men, trans porn was moderately arousing—somewhere in between how they responded to male- and female-only porn videos.

What this tells us is that, unlike gay men, trans-attracted men don’t seem to be into other men. Rather, they seem to find both cisgender and transgender women to be highly attractive.

The results of this research therefore suggest that your husband is likely telling you the truth when he says that he is attracted to you and to cisgender women more broadly. Thus, it’s important to try not to take your partner’s fantasies as a personal offense and let them detract from the way you feel about yourself. It’s not healthy to set up a mental competition between yourself and your partner’s fantasies.

With that said, it sounds like you’re dealing with multiple issues in your relationship (e.g., infrequent sex, infidelity concerns, your husband’s feelings of shame about his attractions, your own feelings of insecurity, and communication issues). In light of this, the best suggestion I can offer would be to seek some type of counseling or therapy to get your intimate life back on track.

For further insight, I asked a sex therapist, Dr. James Cantor, to weigh in. Here’s what he said:

“I’ve been amazed how often this kind of situation happens: In a male-female couple, the man has a kink or paraphilic interest that he hides from his partner, she discovers it, but even though she would have been willing to work on accommodating those interests, she feels much more offended by it having been hidden from her in the first place.

There do indeed exist men who are attracted to people with a mix of masculine and feminine anatomy, and although we can’t know exactly how common, the most common combination appears to be a feminine body—full breasts and curvy hips—but with a penis.  

To address the specific question: There is no good reason for the letter-writer to believe her husband’s sexuality reflects on her attractiveness, femininity, or other attributes.  In general, men with gynandromorphophilia (the technical name for this sexuality) do not gravitate towards non-feminine or even androgynous women.  That is, they want another penis in the equation, but not other aspects that would suggest manhood.  If anything, they express wanting other aspects of their partners to be extra feminine, which further emphasizes the contrast with the partner’s penis.

When couples come to me with situations like this, we generally take each part of this multi-headed problem on its own.  For the couple, her feelings of betrayal and loss of trust generally need to come first.  Because of the stigma associated with atypical sexualities, she may not feel as able to rely on friends and the social support system one would after discovery of infidelity, and she may need extra time to come to terms with it.  

For the husbands: I nearly always recommend individual therapy on top of couples’ therapy.  He does experience a sexuality profoundly different from other people’s, and he will need to come to where he can acknowledge it and start to integrate into his life in an honest and authentic way.  It is only from there that he will be able to negotiate a satisfying sex life with his wife.  He has a coming out process to go through, but no LGB-equivalent community to help him do it.”

For more Q&A’s on Sex and Psychology, click here. To send in a question, click here.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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[alexanderking]

Another top 20 albums of 2018

‘My 11th list, making this nearly 10 years of top 20 lists! There’s a lot more hip-hop on this one than recent years...

“Have I left anything out?”- Albums et al of 2017:

Iman Omari – IHY: I was asked to see him live in 2017. He was on one of my favourite tracks off of Jonah Levine Collective’s ‘Attention Deficit’ project. I even checked out some of his tracks. Yet I STILL missed out on this album until May of this year!!! ...Better late than never I guess...this would’ve got a 6...

Keyon Harrold – The Mugician: I heard this one last year, I just neglected to mention it on last year’s list...

Quelle Chris – Being you is great! I wish I could be you more often: While I still haven’t necessarily gained an understanding of this project lyrically, I really enjoyed the production. ‘Worth a mention...

Blue Lab Beats – Freedom: I only got hip to Blue Lab Beats this year and ended up going down a tiny rabbit hole. This EP in particular stood out to me. I love ‘Keep Moving’ and the title track...

Ivan Ave – Every Eye: Shouts to my friend Sherman for this one! MNDSGN isn’t really one of the producers I keep an eye out for (pun intended), but I was really feeling the work on here. This might have got a 19...

Smino – blkswn: I finally got on that Chicago wave of hip-hop. I never fully got into Chance, but I really like the work of a lot of his cohorts. I feel that Smino’s flows and general sound is really accessible to fans of Travis Scott, Drake and to a much lesser extent the Migos. I thought the middle of the album slowed down a bit (even though it’s growing on me) but I really enjoy the second half...

...2018:

20) Mick Jenkins – Pieces of a Man:

I had only been listening to Mick Jenkins for about a month before this one came out. The subject matter seems to cover various elements of how a man is perceived nowadays, as well as allowing for moments of vulnerability on tracks like ‘Soft Porn’ and ‘Heron Flow’. My favourites are ‘Stress Fracture’, ‘Plain Clothes’ and ‘Consensual Seduction’...

19) Prhyme – PRhyme 2:

‘Black History’ pulled me in. I was generally engaged from ‘1 of the Hardest’ to ‘Rock It’, then I was fully engaged from ‘Loved Ones’ onwards. While a lot of the subject matter remains being who rhymes the best and attracts the most women (-_-), the wordplay and Preemo’s experimentation kept this enjoyable...

18) Kaidi Tatham – It’s a World Before You:

I keep remarking on how ridiculous this musician’s output is...and no doubt I’ll keep doing so. This project has a more straight forward structure to his broken beat/jazz stylings, most prominent in the title track, ‘Your dreams don’t mean a thing’ and ‘2Tone’. While I still find myself comparing most of his music to ‘In Search of Hope’ (my favourite of Kaidi’s work), I was glad to hear a full version of ‘Cold’ and gems in ‘Joyous’ and ‘Cupid’...

17) Layfullstop – Colour Reaction:

Some reviews have said this is an EP, while others have said mixtape or album...I’ll go with the latter for now. This is one my friend Dan put me on. This nine track project consists of impressive flows, engaging singing and strong instrumentation; enough to have me coming back to this one throughout the year. My favourites are ‘Kriss’ and ‘Suits’...

16) Anderson .Paak – Oxnard:

It may be no secret that I wasn’t really blown away by ‘Malibu’ or ‘NxWorries’. This album however struck a chord with me. It may be (what a lot of reviewers are saying) the confidence of which .Paak tells us who he is, how he can be and also leaves us with poignant messages; some’ we’ve heard a lot in the past year or so but still remains very much HIS voice. My standouts are ‘Tints’, ‘Who r u?’, ‘Mansa Musa’, ‘Smile’ (not ‘Petty’ so much), ‘Cheers’ and ‘Headlow’ (I have to accept my ignorance to a further extent on this one as the song is merely about getting head in the car)...

15) Lupe Fiasco – DROGAS WAVE:

Lupe Fiasco returns with his most ambitious body of work to date. The first nine songs have a continuous narrative of a number of African slaves who are thrown overboard during the transatlantic trade to become the Longchains; spirits that reside beneath the waves, sinking other slave ships and often saving the lives of those drowning or thrown overboard (‘Alan Forever’ is an example of this). The remaining tracks come across to me as an anthology of this world. There’s a callback to the character ‘Stack’ from ‘The Cool’, as he daydreams about finally becoming an accomplished hip-hop superstar in ‘Stack That Cheese’ and we get the fictional story of Jonylah’s life in ‘Jonylah Forever’; she’s later courted by Alan on ‘Alan Forever’...I’m rambling!

This project is riddled with educational moments and distinctive flows. Strangely enough I found that musically, the more electronic leaning instrumentals worked better for me than the traditional hip-hop sounds. My standouts are ‘Manilla’, ‘Alan Forever’, ‘Sun God Sam...’, ‘Stack That Cheese’ and ‘Happy Timbuck2 Day’...

14) Phonte – No News Is Good News:

The long promised and awaited project from Phonte Coleman comes to fruition! Much like ‘Charity Starts At Home’, this album sees Phonte predominately rapping. While there’s a tiny bit of bragging, this album takes a chunk of it to talk on the physical health of the black community, particularly in relation to food. There’s also moments that Phonte reflects on his growth as a person, an artist and as a partner, giving us another “Grown ass rap album”. A lot of the production worked really well on here too...

 13) Ali Shaheed Muhammad & Adrian Younge – The Midnight Hour:

‘Another project Dan put me on. This project was being conceived when Ali Shaheed Muhammad and Adrian Younge were approached to compose the score for ‘Luke Cage’, hence why the spacious soundscapes, occasional burst of drums and laid back midnight session playing sound quite familiar. This is a great project to listen to in the night hours (as possibly its intention?). I loved ‘It’s You’, ‘Dans Un Moment D’errance’ and ‘Together Again’...

12) Kamasi Washington – Heaven and Earth:

After taking us on quite the journey with ‘The Epic’, Kamasi Washington returns with this double (triple) album. For me, the music writing has shown steady progression although I felt there were less stand out solos to go back to. I’d recommend listening to this the first time in the order the title suggests (‘Heaven’ and ‘Earth’), then’ as it is (‘Earth’ and ‘Heaven’)...

11) Killiam Shakespeare – A Town Called Elsewhere:

While I love Steve McKie’s work with Bilal Oliver, I had little to no knowledge of the Philadelphia collective he creates music with. The first couple of pieces on ‘A Town Called Elsewhere’ didn't quite catch my attention. But then the dramatic burst of drums and strings that open ‘1976 Heron’ did just that! From this piece onwards I found myself head nodding along with the slight rock stylings of ‘WDYKAL’, the ranting pulse of ‘Kelo B. Trippin’, the grand opening of ‘Sumido Querido’ and the rolling swagger of ‘Philip Eno Greene’...

10) Patrick Paige II – Letters of Irrelevance:

After a free EP of excellence and a breakdown of current events for his late mother, the bassist from The Internet delivers a personal and at times painful body of work. ‘Letters of Irrelevance’ covers his current status, the passing of his mother and rift it left for him and his loved ones. Paige raps some moments of reflection on ‘The Best Policy’ and ‘The Last Letter’, moments of lament on ‘On My Mind’ and ‘Ode to Inebriation’ and pulls off some impressive vocals on ‘Voodoo’ and ‘Red Knife’...

9) Jean Grae & Quelle Chris – Everything’s Fine:

‘Another recommendation from Dan! Engaged emcee couple (now betrothed) Jean Grae and Quelle Chris decided that they spent so much time together that they might as well make a collaborative album. So why not create a project that delves into the lie we often tell ourselves and others when responding to the question “How are you?”! My standouts are ‘House Call’, ‘Gold Purple Orange’, ‘Breakfast of Champions’, ‘Scoop of Dirt’ and the closing track ‘River’...

8) Noname – Room 25:

I really paid no attention to this Chicago-based emcee/singer/musician until the buzz around the release of this project; I even missed out on seeing her live at North Sea Jazz Festival in 2017...I’m so glad I finally caught up! ‘Room 25′ explores a number of moments that occurred in Noname’s 26th year of life (yes, it’s her 26th year), including an intense relationship, her nomadic lifestyle due to touring and the loss of a friend. Musically, I felt this album peaked with ‘Windows’ but lyrically I’d say on ‘Ace’ (named after the Ace Hotel in Shoreditch) and ‘Part of Me’...

Side note: Listening to this album took me down the Chicago-based wave rabbit hole...

7) Saba – CARE FOR ME:

Out of the Chicago wave, Saba took the top spot for me this year, with this cathartic project, mainly exploring his relationship with his late cousin. This doesn’t become fully evident until the closing 11 minutes of ‘CARE FOR ME’, with ‘PROM/KING’. This piece begins with Saba and his cousin becoming close and ends with his untimely death. This is followed by the beautifully harrowing ‘HEAVEN’, in which he sings from the perspective of his cousin’s spirit; this is one I often feel uncomfortable singing along to because of how personal it is...

6) Royce Da 5′9″ – The Book of Ryan:

Royce Da 5′9″ continues the trend of “Grown ass rap albums” (several of which are his previous works) with this insight into Royce’s story. The first act of the album (tracks 1-7) addresses where he’s at with current events. The second act (tracks 8-16) speaks of his younger years, covering addiction and family relationships, especially his brother and father. The third act (tracks 17-20) returns to the present, dealing with issues of mental health before closing with the joys of having just got paid on ‘First of the Month’. My personal standouts are ‘Godspeed’, ‘Life is Fair’, ‘Legendary’, ‘Outside’ and ‘Strong Friend’...

Side note: This album works a lot better without the ‘Caterpillar (Remix)’ bonus track, which for me, has the whiniest verse I’ve heard from Logic to date (even with ‘Everybody’)... 

5) The Internet – Hive Mind:

After a string of solo albums, EPs and the odd track over about two years, The Internet band reunite to give us what is possibly their most cohesive album to date. After the first four tracks (many of which were singles), this project initially took me aback by how straight forward the song formats generally become. After a few listens, it really worked for me. My favourites are ‘La Di Da’, ‘Next Time/Humble Pie’, ‘Wanna Be’ and ‘Beat Goes On’.

4) DJ Jazzy Jeff – M3:

Continuing from the inspiration that gave us last year’s ‘Chasing Goosebumps’, DJ Jazzy Jeff collaborates with Daniel Crawford, Kaidi Tatham, Stro Elliot, Killiam Shakespeare and rap group ‘The Trinity’ (I seriously didn’t intend for the roll call to be this long...) to give us the third instalment in his ‘Magnificent’ series. Lyrically, the group bounce off of each other really well, even pulling off some super rapping at times. While this is a showcase for the writing ability of Rhymefest, I felt that Dayne Jordan in particular, held his own. My favourites are ‘M3′ (the intro and outro), ‘Skaters Paradise’, ‘2 Step’ and ‘The Government’s Dead’...  

3) Vertical Current – The Future is Bright:

‘Another Philadelphia based group I wasn’t privy to until Eric Roberson shared the video for ‘Open’ on which he features. To me, this group is what would have happened to Snarky Puppy if they kept experimenting with the sound they utilised on ‘Bring Us The Bright’. Not to take away from this group at all! There’s a strong mix of Jazz, Rock, Soul/R’n’B and to an extent scoring. I can play this album in it’s entirety really easily but my absolute favourite on here is ‘Trocodile’...

2) Daniel Crawford – Revolution:

I wasn’t hip to Daniel Crawford until seeing how significant his contributions to ‘Chasing Goosebumps’ and ‘M3’ were. This had me check out what I call the “Woke” trilogy, starting with ‘Red Pill’ and continuing with ‘The Awakening’. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the conclusion had been released!

This project deals mainly with the theme of inequality in the States. An initial indication is the first official piece titled ‘Kaepin’’. The issue is more explicitly addressed from ‘Sirens’ onwards. The more Jazz oriented pieces, starting with ‘Before The Storm’ seem to convey a build up to a revolution, the drums and guitars on ‘Checklist’ sounding like a group being gathered, the urgent synths on ‘March of the Gullah’ conveying an unrelenting determination and the title track giving us the possible climax! ‘Strong features and playing all around on this one. It was almost my number one but in the end I went with...

1)

Sy Smith – Sometimes a Rose Will Grow in Concrete:

This album was entirely written, produced, arranged and performed by Smith. This has been a joy to get lost on walks to! It remains a damn shame that she is still to an extent, an unsung talent (pun intended!) despite a number of strong releases and prolific features among the underground but recognised. ‘Sometimes a Rose...’ has the general subject matter of love and being in it, but also addresses self belief on the title track and disillusionment on ‘We Were Never Free’. My favourites are ‘Camelot’, ‘We Were Never Free’, and the ‘Closer Than You Know’ segment...

Honourable Mentions: There are quite a few more albums I could mention, but I’m limiting this section to 10:

Chima Anya & Slone – People Forget: ‘Another “Grown ass rap album” from an artist who continuously shows growth in his lyrics. From reminding us to ‘Do Less’, to reflecting on where he is now on ‘It Wasn’t Always Like This’. From acknowledging the ethereal factor to (mis)fortune on ‘Luck’, to taking in those moments to appreciate a win on ‘Make Do’.

C R O W N (Formerly Lauren Crown) – Epicene: C R O W N’s third EP, addressing romance, heartbreak and the hypocrisy of our expectations of women when pursuing love. ‘Womxn’s Way’ continues to be my favourite piece by C R O W N to date, although I must say ‘How Many Times’ hit WAAAAAAAAAY too close to home!

Phony Ppl – mō'zā-ik: This was a recommendation from a tweet by ‘The Internet’; A group of vocalists, musicians and occasional emcees who somewhat help fill a void of black modern male crooners in Soul/R’n’B. There wasn’t anything I disliked on here, but there wasn’t anything I LOVED either; ‘REALLY liked, but not loved...

Lyric L – UnequiVocaL: ‘Lyric L’s sophomore project. ‘A blend of hip-hop, soul, deep house and broken beat. There were significant moments on the first half of this album (‘Dreamstate’ and ‘Try’), but the second half takes the gold for me, with tracks like ‘Expected To’, ‘Why (Find the time)’ and the humorous ‘Oh No (Here we go)’...

Black Milk – Fever: This is one I’ve only revisited a couple of times over the year. 'Fever’ delves more into Black Milk’s musical craft, the raps feeling more sparse than ‘If there’s a Hell below’. ‘Laugh Now, Cry Later’ and ‘True Lies’ deserve a shout.

JID – DiCaprio 2: This is one I ignored until I watched Dead End Hip-Hop’s review of this project. ‘Playful flows, ‘a head-nod factor and crossover appeal without losing its character at all. I just hadn’t revisited this as much as other albums...

Blue Lab Beats – Xover: I was late on this artist. This brought in the spring perfectly, with borderline Neo-soul vibes and spacious jazz pieces. There was a slump in the middle of the project for me however...

Pusha T – Daytona: While I haven’t revisited this much either, I can’t deny the attitude or the confidence of Pusha’s flows and the instrumentals. ‘Santeria’ is a standout...

Children of Zeus – Travel Light: 'Another Dan recommendation. This is a long-awaited, well deserved win for the ‘Broke ‘n’ £nglish’ cohorts. This is another one I just didn’t revisit much. ‘Kintsugi’ is a stand out for me...

Tom Misch – Geography: I got hip to this musician the day AFTER he performed at North Sea Jazz Festival. I enjoyed this album way more than I thought I would. ‘South of the River’ to ‘It Runs Through Me’ is my favourite section of the project...

[dramallamadingdang]

Well! This killed the game-loading time...

AKA The 20 Questions/20 Followers Meme.

I was tagged by @raptorsims, so it's their fault. :) At least this one has some different questions! This edition contains, among other things, nerdy pedantry about fruit, odd sexualities, rhapsodizing about underappreciated animals, and...Welsh proverbs. Yes, Welsh proverbs. Well, one Welsh proverb, anyway...

Name: Katrina.

Nicknames: The most common one is Kat. Boring, I know.

Zodiac sign: Birthday is April 23, so barely Taurus. Astrology is bullshit, though.

Height: 6'0" (Well, actually a fraction of an inch shy of that, but who's counting?) Or, for the metric crowd, 182cm.

Orientation: In terms of actual practice/experience, I'm a Kinsey 2. (Yes, yes, I know the Kinsey scale and the tests used to assign people their number are flawed/outdated, but I think the numbers by themselves are a good descriptor range for most people.) In terms of actual attraction, I'm constantly sliding more toward pansexual, probably because I now realize that it’s OK to be that way when before I always tried to fit myself into the straight-or-gay binary and neither really fit and “bisexual” just didn’t seem “wide” enough. Although when you get right down to it, I'm really more sapiosexual. Basically, I don't care what your gender identity is or what's between your legs; I care about how you use what's between your ears. I do, however, have this odd attraction to A) People who are sarcastic, especially in combination with smart and B) Gay men because I guess I have a fetish for things I can't have. Thankfully, I found a very smart and sarcastic Kinsey 5 to marry!

Ethnicity: Glow-in-the-dark white, of mostly Welsh descent. The surname I was born with (which is also the one I use in everyday life, though not professionally) is unpronounceable for probably 98% of the US population, I'd say, in that it contains no letters that Americans generally recognize as vowels. :) Y mae dafad ddu ym mhob praidd.

Favorite fruit: *puts on nerd hat* Depends on if we're speaking botanically or culinarily. If the former, where a "fruit" is simply the seed-bearing part of the plant, then it's a three-way tie between tomatoes, peppers of all kinds, and okra. If we're talking culinarily, where only sweet fruits are fruit and savory ones are "vegetables," then...Raspberries, I guess? Maybe? I really don't have much of a sweet tooth, I'm afraid. I like peach pie, though, so there's that.

Favorite season: Autumn. Followed closely by winter. Spring's OK. Summer can kiss my ass.

Favorite book series: Sharon Kay Penman's Welsh trilogy. Which starts here. It's nice when my medieval forebears aren't portrayed as savage animals when compared to the "civilized" English. :\

Favorite flower: Calla lilies. Yes, I know they're "funeral flowers." I don't care. Also, lilacs.

Favorite scent: Lilac flowers. :) And lavender. Like, real lavender, not the overly-flowery/perfumey stuff marketed as "lavender."

Favorite color: Green. All shades but with a preference for the yellower end of the spectrum.

Favorite animal: Hyenas. Specifically, the spotted hyena. Awesome, much-maligned animals. (Here's a hint: It's usually lions who steal/scavenge hyena kills, not the other way around.) Also, they're female-dominant, which, of course, is very rare amongst us social animals. Basically, they're furry Amazons. With pseudo-penises. ;)

Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: Hot chocolate is good, especially made with coconut milk, provided that I can find a vegan mix, as my system no longer tolerates dairy at all, even in really small amounts. Tea is OK; usually I drink it when I'm not feeling well. Coffee is right out. EWWWWWWWWW! Even hate the smell of it. But overall? Gimme some water, often but not always with some flavoring in it.

Average sleep hours: Five or six or thereabouts. When I can sleep at all lately. For me, the only bad thing about menopause was that, after going through it, I started having occasional stretches of time, that last for a week or two, when I can barely sleep. Basically, I just catnap. I get a lot done during those times, though, so...trade-offs. :)

Cat or dog person?: I like both equally, for different reasons. Though I guess if you judge by numbers, I'm more of a dog person, as I have 8 of those and "only" 5 cats. Although we only brought 1 dog and two cats here to SF with us, the ones who like to travel. The rest are back in CO. So, here in California, I guess we're cat people, if you judge by numbers. :)

Favorite fictional characters: Spock from Star Trek. Jack O'Neill (TWO "L"s!) and Rodney McKay from the Stargate franchise. Oh, and KITT from Knight Rider. Sarcastic AIs FTW! :) (Notice the common thread that runs amongst those characters, given my "orientation." :) )

Number of blankets you sleep with: I have a sheet, a down comforter, a furnace-like husband, and at least one large dog. None of those is a blanket, I'm afraid, but three of the four are very warm and only one is stinky. :)

Dream trip: Antarctica. Still hoping to get there before I die. :)

Blog created: I started this tumblr in December of 2013. I think.

Number of followers: Right now? 1,422. It changes pretty much daily, though, up or down. Sometimes it changes hourly. I recently went through and blocked all the porn blogs and the blogs that are just advertising, so I'm pretty sure they're all legit, at the moment.

And I'mma be lazy and tag the last 20 people who followed me or left me notes and that have an active blog that isn't all reblogs (because I figure you're not into posting about yourself, not because I don't like you :) ) and who I know haven't already done this. So...

@12raben @digitalangels @nilechugasims @halousims @eulaliasims @vampireacademysims @acquiresimoleons @scibirg @holleyberry @penig @saltywitchcraft @sims2simmies @strangetomato @thetrippmeister @emperorofthedark @marvelann @ladyrosedeversailles @fuzzyspork @synergysims @trishastinysimsblog

As always, feel free to ignore if this isn't something you're into doing for whatever reason. :)

[doom-ocean]

One of them blog surveys

Haven't done one of these in a while. Instead of having people ask me from a list of questions, I'm gonna do it old school and just answer all the questions listed. 1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I am fine with being 6 foot even 2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Do infinite wish granting genies count? 3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? plain ol jeans n tshirt 4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Star Ocean 2. 88 different fuckin endings! 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: not being sober, hating life, aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I dunno, food. 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? WARNING: MONSTROUS ASSHOLE 7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? n/a 8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]: Unsurprisingly, melancholic. 9: Are you ticklish? Yes. 10: Are you allergic to anything? Stupidity! lololololololol. But actually, kind of allergic to the tree fluff in the spring, and possibly sunlight. I get lil hives in the summer time. 11: What’s your sexuality? Het'roseksuel 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Neither 13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cats over dogs. 14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Vampire, I guess. 15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? No. 16: How tall are you? 6ft 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Farty McCrablice 18: How much do you weigh? been hovering in the 170s for a little while. Heaviest I've ever been. It's a big achievement for someone who has been disgustingly skinny his whol life. 19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Tricky question. I'm like 90% sure I lived in a haunted house for a year, but haven't experienced much since then. 20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Both are equally terrifying, but space is cooler than the ocean, for sure. 21: Are you religious? Not at all. 22: Pet peeves? lol just about everything. So fuckin sick of it all. 23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal: Yes. 24: Favorite constellation? All are fine. Stars are neat to look at regardless of their formation from our perspective. 25: Favorite star? Betelgeuse. Only because every time I go outside at night I look up to see if it has exploded yet. 26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? uhhh... what? 27: Any phobias or fears? Drowning, falling, flying stinging insects. butterflies and moths. 28: Do you think global warming is real? It is, though I don't think it is as bad as hippies are trying to get us to believe. I grew up in a time where smoking indoors [including malls] was normal, so I know that a lot of smoke that can't leave combined with heat = more heat. On that note, China and India need to get their shit together. Carbon taxes are fucking stupid. 29: Do you believe in reincarnation? No, but it'd be cool to get another chance at life since I fucked this one up. 30: Favorite movie? None at the moment. Used to be Goonies. 31: Do you get scared easily? Not really. 32: How many pets have you owned in your lifetime? 3 kitties. 33: Blog rate? n/a 34: What is a color that calms you? smoked cannabis green. 35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Meh, the way the world is going, nowhere is worth visiting. 36: Where were you born? Canada. 37: What is your eye color? Blue. 38: Introvert or extrovert? intro. 39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? Lol no. The position of the stars millions/billions of lightyears away ha no affect on a persons personality. 40: Hugs or kisses? I've gone many a year without either, and have grown accustomed to the lack of physical contact. The idea of either of those weirds me out, now. 41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? My best friend. 42: Who is someone you love deeply? n/a 43: Any piercings you want? had both my ears and my dingdong pierced at one point. Not any more. 44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? 10 years ago. 45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? I smoked cigarettes for 13 years, switched to a vaporizer a year ago. 46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! n/a 47: What is a sound you really hate? metal scraping on metal/stone/ceramic. Harley Davidson motorcycles. 48: A sound you really love? Fart sounds. I will never not laugh at them. 49: Can you do a backflip? No. 50: Can you do the splits? Lol no. 51: Favorite actor and/or actress? n/a 52: Favorite movie? already asked. 53: How are you feeling right now? Sober and gassy. 54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? The way it is. 55: When did you feel happiest? Happiness is incidental and temporary. 56: Something that calms you down? the tweeds. 57: Have any mental disorders? some form of depression. Not going to find out as therapists are by and large feminist and I'd rather not be told I'm depressed because of my masculinity. Could you imagine if a therapist told a gay dude he'd be happier if he stopped acting so gay? Yeah. 58: What does your URL mean? I like doom metal, and the ocean is a common theme within the genre. 59: What three words describe you the most? Unpleasant. 60: Do you believe in evolution? It's not a belief. 61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Generally overt dogmatic beliefs of both religious and non religious varieties. 62: What makes you follow a blog? Something that makes me laugh, or in the case of this site, someone who seems to be level headed. 63: Favorite kind of person: someone that is smart enough to stay away from me. 64: Favorite animal(s): Cats of all kinds except the hairless ones. 65: Name three of your favorite blogs. matt ruins your shit, SYABM, (insert your name here). 66: Favorite emoticon: n/a (although you can tell how old this is as it is called an emoticon and not an emoji) 67: Favorite meme: hate me all you want, but 'poo in loo' made me laugh like a hyena when I first encountered it. Also the " I Do not associate with..." one because the kid's accent made it funny. 68: What is your MBTI personality type? no idea, not gonna bother with it 69: What is your star sign? the ram 70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? n/a 71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? I only rock jeans and a t shirt 72: Post a selfie or two? Easiest way to see what I look like is to go to your preferred search engine, go to the 'images' section and then type in "disgusting pile of shit" 73: Do you have platform shoes? I'm not short, nor am I a girl in the 70s or mid to late 90s. 74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I am left handed. 75: Can you do a front flip? no. 76: Do you like birds? I. fucking. hate. birds. 77: Do you like to swim? No. Whenever I would go swimming, I'd always come close to drowning. I don't swim anymore. 78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Skating probably, though I haven't done it since I was 12. 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Winter. 80: Some thing you wish did exist: Matter transporters or replicators. Star Trek style. 81: Piercings you have? lready asked. 82: Something you really enjoy doing: Not much these days. The last Aalbum I wrote was titled Anhedonia.... kinda says it all. 83: Favorite person to talk to: My one and only friend. 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? "Amateur porn that isn't terribly staged? Yes please! And then of course like a week after I join they got rid of all of it. Pff. Ams dildos. 85: How many followers do you have? one, I think. 86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I don't run for anyone. 87: Do your socks always match? Yes. It bothers me immensely otherwise. 88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? I've never been able to do that. Need my hammies massaged and stretched. 89: What are your birthstones? Diamond I think. 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? One that doesn't exist. 91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Either a crapweed or stenchblossom. 92: A store you hate? WalMart. I used to work there. 93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? I don't drink coffee. Smells nice, but tastes awful. 94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Read minds. 95: Do you like to wear camo? I am not a hick that listens to Five Finger Death Punch, so no. 96: Winter or summer? Summer always. Fuck winter. 97: How long can you hold your breath for? no idea. 98: Least favorite person? Most people, really. 99: Someone you look up to: people that are taller than me. Badumtsss. 100: A store you love? Guitar stores. 101: Favorite type of shoes: shoes that't don't wear out after 6 months. 102: Where do you live? Canada. 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? No. 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Dunno.... emerald? 105: Do you drink milk? Occasionally. 106: Do you like bugs? Spiders and dragonflies are cool because they eat the shittier bugs, but generally, no. 107: Do you like spiders? See above. 108: Something you get paranoid about? People talking shit about me. Getting fired. Any time a boss type calls to me I get scared thinking I'm gonna get fired for being a piece of shit. 109: Can you draw: Sometimes I draw something awesome, but mostly I draw very poorly. 110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? "Are you single?" 111: A question you hate being asked? "Why don't you want a girlfriend?" 112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Not that I know of. 113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Dunno. I've been at a lake with a sandy beach, but lakes don't really have waves like oceans do. I've never been to the ocean before. 114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Either or. As long as it's not snowing. 115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: I'd like to give Christina Aguilera the ol in out, still. 116: Favorite cloud type: The big'ns. Cumulonimbus or whatever it is. 117: What color do you wish the sky was? Clear. Seeing the stars 24 hours a day would be sweet. 118: Do you have freckles? no. 119: Favorite thing about a person: rather non specific quesiton. I like a feminine figure. 120: Fruits or vegetables? Either or. 121: Something you want to do right now: Get hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. 122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? probably the sky. 123: Sweet or sour foods? sweet. Sour gives me heartburn these days :( 124: Bright or dim lights? in between 125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? No. 126: Something you hate about Tumblr: The same thing everyone else hates lol. Feminists and SJWs 127: Something you love about Tumblr: USED TO BE THE PORN. Pff 128: What do you think about the least? most things. 129: What would you want written on your tombstone? I don't intend to be buried. 130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Many people.Bullies I had in school, former friends, etc. 131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? Being left handed. You have no fucking idea how much it sucks to play guitar as a lefty. Eithe guitars are cheap pieces of shit, or mad pricey 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? No. I hate being picturelated 133: Computer or TV? Comp. 134: Do you like roller coasters? No. 135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Never been on the sea. 136: Are your ears lobed or attached? My ears have lobes and are attached to my head. 137: Do you believe in karma? No. 138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? Cleaned up and on a good day from the right angle I could probably pass for a soft 5. 139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Fag was one of them. 140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? No. 141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? No. 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? I'm not sure, but with the way things have gone for me probably bad. 143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Meh. 144: What makes you angry. Most things. I am easily annoyed. 145: How many languages do you speak fluently? English. 146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? there are only males and females. 147: Are you androgynous? No. 148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: Occasionally i'm like "Snap I got a big one" but then reality kicks in. 149: Favorite thing about your personality: it keeps people away from me. 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. I only know one person that isn't family. 151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? I'd go back to being 18 and do it all over again, hopefully with fewer mistakes. 152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Lol no. 153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] n/a 154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No. I'm not keen on physical contact. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? No. Gross. 156: What embarrasses you? Being alive. 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: Being alive. 158: Biggest lie you have ever told: "I'm good" when asked "how are you?" 159: How many people are you following? like 6. 160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? more than one. 161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? none. 162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? none? 163: Last time you cried and why: My first cat had to be put down because of intestinal cancer. 164: Do you have long or short hair? Short. 165: Longest your hair has ever been: Past my shoulders. 166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religeon? While you could say that the big bang, and the idea of an all powerful being being equally ridiculous, the fact that one involves magic is what makes me stay away from it. So roughly 2000 years ago magic existed and people lived up to and well over 200 years old? Nah. 167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Not really. It'd be a cool thing to know, but aside from that I don't think it has much to do with anything going on in our lives, or any future person's life. 168: Do you like to wear makeup? I do not. I didn't even like kissing girlfriends when they had lipstick on. I didn't like the feeling of shumutz on my lips. Also the waxy taste was weird. 169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? Back when I was a wee one I could do both.... while leaned up against a wall. 170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yes. OR DID I?