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Bearly Apart
Pairing: Bob Floyd X F! Teacher Reader
Category: Fluff!
Summary: You and Bob finally take the next step in your lives together, moving! But while cleaning, Bob finds something extremely special in one of you boxes.
Masterlist
Word Count: 1678
Warnings: Mentions of being pulled into Bob's Lap, Mentions Of Deployment, Use of Pet Names, No use of Y/N, No description of what reader looks like.
Notes: I haven’t written fanfictions since I was probably fourteen, so if these suck, I apologize!! I’m just now getting back into the swing of writing and trying to figure out how to characterize my writing.
You love Bob.
there is no other way to describe the way in which you feel for the blonde Naval Aviator, who has stolen your heart and made it no good for anyone else.
You met at the Hard Deck a few years back, you were with your friends, trying to hang back and let them have their fun as you were the designated driver for the night, and honestly wanted nothing more than to be at home curled up with your blankets, knowing you had papers to grade, but the moment you saw Bob sitting by the pool table, you knew you were whipped, and the moment you met Bob, you knew he was the one.
You began to realize he would never let you touch a door again if he could help it, always claiming “My momma would beat me if she found out I let you open your own door.” It was the little things like that, that made you truly realize how much he loved you, or the way that he would run his fingers gently across your cheek when he thought you were asleep, whispering about how lucky he felt to meet you and planning your futures, promising to give you the best life he could.
Bob absolutely treasured you, and he always made sure you knew it, never wanting you to feel like you weren't the best thing that ever happened to him. He would often praise you anytime he could. “You work so hard baby, let me take care of you.” “You’re so beautiful, my darling girl”
But there was one downside to your otherwise seemingly perfect boyfriend. The deployments. They’re long, and distance is hard. You miss your boyfriend, you miss the way he holds you, and you miss trying to sleep without him, so on one particularly long deployment, you had a solution to this. A Build-A-Bear, dressed in a little navy uniform, that you sprayed with his cologne. It was the perfect solution to your problem, you had a small stuffed bear to hug, that resembled your boyfriend, and that smelt like him for when the nights got extra lonely. Now despite your three, almost four year relationship with Bob, you never told him about this bear. Oftentimes, you’d just put the bear into the closet when he came back from deployments, not needing it, now that you had the real thing, which you didn’t really think would be a problem, until now.
You and Bob had finally decided to move out of your shared apartment, and into your first house, and with this big decision, came having to move everything in your apartment, and that meant lots of sorting and putting things into boxes.
You were sitting in the half packed bedroom, sorting through your closet, and sorting all your clothes into the 'donate' or 'new house' piles. You could faintly hear Bob moving boxes around in your living room, the sound of him humming to himself as he worked evident through the walls. It was peaceful and domestic, something that made you smile to yourself, and you were simply content to just silently sort through your clothes, until the silence was broken by the sound of a quiet knock at your bedroom door, making you look up from your sorting.
Bob peeked his head around the door, giving you a gentle smile as he looked at you. "Hey Doll, how's it going?"
You look up, meeting his soft gaze, biting back a smile. "It's going good, I think. You don't realize how much stuff you have until you have to move it, I think we need to limit the amount of sweatshirts I buy during winter" you say with a soft groan before focusing your attention back onto Bob "You get the living room packed up already?
Bob chuckles softly as he leans against the door frame, his arms crossed as he shakes his head at your comment knowing that you just steal half of his sweatshirts anyways. “I got most of it packed up. There's a couple heavier things I wanna wait and ask everyone else to help move, but that's not going to be for a few more days.”
He walks over to where you're sitting on the floor, sitting besides you and placing his head gently atop yours, as he wraps his hand around your waist. “You need some help packing up the rest of the closet, Doll?”
You hum leaning into the comforting touch of your boyfriend. “There’s a few containers in there I haven't sorted through yet. If you wanna go through those, that’d be a big help” You say peering up at your boyfriend.
Bob plants a soft kiss on the top of your head, squeezing your waist. "Of course baby, I live to serve afterall, doll." He says as he stands up, lips quirking into a soft smirk.
Your face heats up as you look back to the clothes you’re sorting through, your breath hitching in your throat. “Shut It, Lieutenant.” Bob chuckles lowly as he begins to grab some of the storage bins out of the closet, “Whatever you ask, doll.”
You two get into a rhythm of sorting through things, falling into a system, getting through most of the items in your closet much quicker.
Bob sorts through a few boxes, before finally opening one up that caught his attention when he first started sorting. He lifts the lid off of it, revealing some older polaroids of you two when you first started dating, stuff you had collected over your many dates, such as dried flowers, notes he had written you, and some movie tickets you had kept. As he looks further in the box, he sees something peeking out. Curiosity gets the better of him, and he grabs the item, pulling out a small stuffed bear. He furrows his eyebrows as he picks it up, noticing the small navy-like uniform the bear has on, with a small name tag attached to the front of the bear, reading 'Bobby' in your handwriting. A small smile tugs at Bob's lips as he looks at the bear. He runs his fingers over the fabric of the uniform, admiring how it closely resembles his own uniform, he notices the hint of a familiar cologne wafting off of the bear. He lifts the bear closer to his nose, inhaling the recognizable scent. It was his cologne, smiling even wider when he realizes that.
You look up noticing Bob hadn’t said much in a little bit, wanting to make sure he was okay, when you notice him holding the small stuffed bear. You immediately still as you notice the bear, eyes widening.
The smile doesn't leave his face as he turns to you, with the bear still in his hands. "Doll?" He calls out to you, He holds the bear up for you to see. "Care to explain this?" He asks with a small chuckle.
You blush, feeling your entire body seeming to heat up in embarrassment. “Oh my god, you didn’t just find that.” you said bringing your hands to cover your face.
He stands up, walking over to you and sitting besides you on the floor, placing the bear in your lap, his gaze fixated on your face, as he gently tries to coax your hands away from your face. "C'mon baby, no reason to be embarrassed. I'm just curious, I wanna know where the lil’guy came from.”
You groan softly as you allow him to pull your hands away from your face and into his own, as you shyly peer up at your smiling boyfriend. “I-I got him on one of your longer deployments a few years ago.. I really, really missed you and I couldn’t sleep at night. So, one day I decided to go to build-a-bear, and I saw the little navy outfit, and well.. Made a mini you, for when you couldn’t be here, and sprayed your cologne on it. Made it feel less lonely at night, like a promise that you’d come back to me.”
A look of adoration crosses Bob's face, his eyes softening as he reaches over to pull you into his hold, wrapping his arms around you as he rests his head on your shoulder. "Oh sweet-girl" Bob says, his voice filled with pure tenderness and a tinge of guilt at the prospect of you feeling that alone. "I had no idea. I knew you struggled with my deployments, I struggle being away from you too, but I didn't realize it was that tough on you, sweetheart. You could’ve told me.”
You lean back, relishing in your boyfriend's hold, face still flushed with heat. “I know m’love. But they’re hard on you as well.. And well that’s why I got your little mini-me here, made me feel like you were here in spirit.”
He runs his hands up and down your back in a soothing motion, before whispering “You’re so precious doll, got the whole world in my arms. M’the luckiest man alive, you know that? Having my girl miss me so much that she makes a stuffed bear mini-me, couldn't've ever dreamed of being this lucky.”
You snort softly. “Slow your roll lieutenant, it’s a stuffed bear, you act like I've handed you a magic lamp that’ll solve all your worries.”
Bob smiles into your shoulder, shaking his head. “Fuck the lamp, i’ve got everything I could’ve ever wished for right here, anyways.”
You groan loudly, shaking your head, “Oh my god, Bob that was so bad. You’re such a corny flirt.”
Bob smiles at your reaction, kissing your head, whispering “Only for you, Doll.” Bob gently tugs you closer, before adding on “You know baby, if you’ve been using this every deployment, it means we’ve ‘Bearly been Apart’ this whole time.” He says softly trying to stifle his laughter.
You groan loudly, slapping his chest. “Bobby! Oh my god, that was horrible! You’re lucky you’re cute.”
“Cute enough to make into a bear, obviously.” He responds, lips quirking up into a smirk as he sees your glare intensify.
“Robert!” you exclaim
“Shutting up now, doll!"
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Pick a card: What archetypes does your future spouse posses



Hi loves! Welcome to this pick a card! In this reading we will be looking at what archetype your future spouse posses. I will be channeling these archetypes and it will be based on the work and research from Caroline Myss. Caroline Myss believes there is light attributes and shadow attributes for every archetype so I will be sharing both. As this is a collective reading just take what resonates and leave what doesn't. I hope you enjoy your reading loves. 💖
If you have trouble choosing a pile you can check out this post! How to choose a card
Pile 1
Hi Pile 1 this is your reading! The archetypes of your future is:
Dilettante
Light attributes: Delights in the arts without having to a professional. Alerts you to the of being superficial in your pursuits.
Shadow attributes: Pretention to much deeper knowledge than you actually possess.
Seeker
Light attribute : Thirst for wisdom and truth wherever they are.
Shadow attribute: Inability to commit to a path once found.
Poet
Light attribute: Expresses soul insights in symbolic language.
Shadow attribute: Turns a lyric gift to negative or destructive effect.
Channelled messages
Pile 1 I think for some you your future spouse could be like one those men that try mushrooms once and feel like they hold all the knowledge in the universe but in a sweet way. They are seekers of the world they want to experience everything that life has to offer. They love the outdoors I can see mountains and lakes specifically as well as camping. Your future spouse would rather live in a little flat and save money on material things and see the world rather than live in a big house and have no money to do anything else. Its funny I can see a clear image of a very cozy flat that is filled with a lot of love from the both of you. I think this person is very much a creative and likes to sketch I can see but they might not have a creative job. I'm seeing something in tech that pays well so that you both can travel a lot. Within your relationship they will be a great navigator through life. Like they know every solution to every problem and they are very much laid back because they know everything will be okay. I hope you enjoyed your reading pile 1!
Pile 2
Hi Pile 2 this is your reading! The archetypes of your future is:
Mediator
Light attributes: Gift of negotiating fairness and strategy in personal and professional life. Respect for both sides of the argument
Shadow attributes: Negotiating with an ulterior motives or hidden agenda either personally or professionally.
Seeker
Light attribute : Thirst for wisdom and truth wherever they are.
Shadow attribute: Inability to commit to a path once found.
Angel
Light attribute: Helping those in need with no expectation of return.
Shadow attribute: Acting innocent or angelic to mislead others. Falsely claiming to be in touch with angelic guidance.
Femme fatale
Light attribute: Highlights the erotic energy of the feminine opens your heart when your dependency is rejected.
Shadow attribute: Inappropriate use of sensuality. Attachment to money and power.
Athlete
Light attribute: Dedication to transcending physical limits. Development of personal willpower and strength of spirit.
Shadow attribute:Misuse of athletic ability for selfish ends. False sense of invulnerability and entitlement.
Channeled messages
Hi pile 2! I feel like your future spouse leans more masculine but they are very comfortable with their feminity as well as a more sensual side to them. They aren't afraid of their sexuality and likes to embrace that apart of them. I can see that they are quite tall with a slim build and is pretty attractive and they use this sometimes to their advantage. You future spouse really gets what they want and can charm anybody but they are really just a sweet person. They definitely have a kind of boyish energy like a youthful energy I can see their smile is very sweet. Your future spouse really wants everything good from life. They want to be healthy and work out so they can do the most amount of fun physical activities like hiking in a beautiful landscape. They also want to make a lot of money they enjoy having a comfortable lifestyle. Your future spouse takes a lot of precautions to make their life easier and are very organised. I can also see that when you are together they are very sweet to you. They make sure to check in with you and see if you are okay, if you need anything and when you are out together i can see them having their arm around you guiding you through the world making sure you feel safe. I hope you enjoyed your reading pile 2!
Pile 3
Hi pile 3 this is your reading! The archetypes of your future spouse is:
Pioneer
Light attributes: passion for doing and creating what has not done before.
Shadow attributes: Compulsive need to keep moving on.
Angel
Light attribute: Helping those in need with no expectation of return.
Shadow attribute: Acting innocent or angelic to mislead others. Falsely claiming to be in touch with angelic guidance.
Servant
Light attribute: Delight in serving others with a free and loving heart.
Shadow attribute: Using lack of money as an excuse not to , move forward in life.
Guide
Light attribute: Represents the nature of the divine in life and in yourself.
Shadow attribute: Places financial gain and control over imparting spiritual insight.
Seeker
Light attribute: Thirst for wisdom and truth wherever you are.
Shadow attribute: Inability to commit to a path once found.
Channeled message
Hi pile 3! For some of you this person is going to come into your life at a time that you need guidance and support. This persons has a lot of wisdom and understanding of this world and will help navigate it. This person is very much a comforting presence. Your future spouse wants to take care of you and make your life easier. I also get that things that you might find anxious doesn't make them anxious. For example going to the shops, paying bills and life stuff that might feel daunting for some doesn't bother them and theyveant tobte this nursing from you. I can also see for some they might be a little older but not much i would say no more than 7 years older. They are however very wise so they may seem older than they actually are. This person will be very sweet and doting and will never want to argue with you. I hope you enjoyed your reading pile 3!
#pac#pick a card#tarot#esoteric#tarot cards#tarot reading#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#future spouse tarot#future spouse pick a card#future spouse pac#future spouse prediction#girl blogger
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just a general masculine energy type scripting pack (By masculine, I mean sort of traditionally masculine yk?) <3
no pressure ofc

ִֶ.☘︎ ݁˖ 'ℳASCULINE' ENERGY SCRIPTING PACK .𖥔 ݁. ᵎᵎ
˚.ꪆ ݂01 .ᐟ Something about you evokes a sense of safety — not because you're overprotective necessarily, but because you make people drop their guard when they're with you, knowing they're in good care.
˚.ꪆ ݂02 .ᐟ Your beauty isn’t the point — it’s the byproduct. What really draws people in is how aware you are of your worth, without needing it validated.
˚.ꪆ ݂03 .ᐟ If someone has a problem or is overthinking, you are their counselor and support — even if you don't realize it, you can see things in a non-biased way to provide viable solutions.
˚.ꪆ ݂04 .ᐟ You command respect but not in a scary way; people recognize your presence and boundaries even if you don't show it directly. You’re effortlessly aware of your effect on others — but you don’t exploit it.
˚.ꪆ ݂05 .ᐟ You are proof that strength doesn’t have to be harsh or even physical — it can show up as knowing when to leave, when to listen, or when to say “I was wrong.” Plus, you know how to measure it consciously in any context.
˚.ꪆ ݂06 .ᐟ You're the kind of person who can be relied on for anything and everything - you know how to work very well with your hands, and the things you don't know, you manage to learn.
˚.ꪆ ݂07 .ᐟ Regardless of what era you live in, the concept of ‘fragile masculinity’ is non-existent — your 'masculinity' doesn’t shrink or rise based on who you’re with, what you feel, or what you do freely.
˚.ꪆ ݂08 .ᐟ Your 'masculinity' doesn’t need witnesses. You don’t need to post it, prove it, or wrap it in performance, which is exactly why people find themselves trying to earn your respect.
˚.ꪆ ݂09 .ᐟ You're not 'threatened' by people who are louder, flashier, or more traditionally masculine; you don’t compare.

PD: tysmm for the suggestion! hope you liked it :3
#shifting community#shifting diary#shifttok#reality shifter#shiftblr#reality shifting#shifters#kpop shifting#desired reality#desired self#shifting#shifting blog#shifting antis dni#shifting help#shifting realities#shiftingrealities#desired realities#realityshifting#shifting scenarios#dr scripting#shifting script
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My dad is a bigshot IT guy at his company (they design the digital infrastructure for banks and stuff, afaik), he's the guy all the other bigshot bankers go to when they need to do programs.
And he loves ChatGpt. He said it's useful for writing short programs and checking for stuff he missed, basically like talking to another programmer. Even if it makes a mistake he knows enough to identify the mistake and fix it. But for him it shaves off a lot of time off his tasks.
I'm a biologist, and since I'm still in grad school hell I have to write a shitton of seminars. He keeps insisting ChatGpt is an excellent tool that could help me. I did try using it at the start, things like 'give a basic overview of this topic' and 'reccomend me some papers on this very niche topic'. I thought it might be worth it if it spared me clicking to the 20th page of Google Scholar just to find a paper that I need for one sentence.
But honestly? I found it pretty useless. The overview bit I could have done just by going down the Wikipedia rabbitholes, and actually had fun doing it. Not a single paper it suggested was real, just made up titles and authors and even doi. Thank fuck I always went to check the paper itself before citing. It was generally an exercise in frustration with nothing to show for it. I literally do not have any problems in my life that this thing would be capable of solving, let alone solving them better than I can by clicking keywords into Google Scholar.
Dad keeps saying give it time, it keeps getting better at a fast pace. But he freely admitted it will never stop hallucinating, so I can't ever be certain what it's telling me is the truth. Usually that is solved by checking multiple sources and their credibility, but with ChatGpt? There are no sources. It's not even quoting anything. It's just stringing words together in a manner that looks 'natural' to the reader.
Maybe it's useful to my dad, who asks it to spit out a skeleton of a program he only needs to adjust, and only needs to run it to confirm it works. But for me? The only thing it can do is teach me wrong stuff and get me kicked out of uni.
"use chatgpt" that's the devil talking. buy four caffeinated drinks and pull an all nighter. this is the way.
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I just want to say- whatever brain altering chemistry they put into this type of pairing? Compels me.
#it’s the religious imagery and guilt i think#something about doing good and doing evil#(i’m not religious)#also#glasses#and#devil imagery#and running away as a problem solution#and the fact that they went through multiple break ups without even dating is insane actually#good omens#daredevil#ineffable husbands#Mattfoggy
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i have no mouth and i must scream speech but for about insomnia hate hate hate let me tell you how much i have come to hate being awake
#took half an expired tops brand unisom . wheeeee medicine that does nothing and then the next day you're groggy for twelve hours#but i have to do SOMEthing if i don't Try to make myself sleep that's Giving Up and if you Give Up . well#this is the second week in a row that ive failed to sleep on a night leading into the work week and i know most of the external reasons why#like. busy day tomorrow so anxious. haven't given myself a full weekend in a really long time so strung out.#had important stuff to do earlier that didn't happen so dwelling on that. woke up at 9am and wasn't out of bed until ten thirty so like#i got more than adequate sleep last night but this does not make me feel less worried about NOT sleeping TONIGHT#because again. every time i have a night of big insomnia im convinced that it's the beginning of an unending trend#that will make me wind up like my mother who is lucky she gets more than three hours of sleep every couple of weeks#and while she's done this her whole life qnd has adjusted to it (as much as a body can) i just know. based on how insomnia is for me#that i never could. it would be exactly as terrible every time i would never be able to be calm while it was happening#anyway everybody send me your best knockout gas#AND. it's SNOWING. fuck everything i hate it all#tomorrow im gonna be groggy as hell and have to drive to work and back and have to be With It bc we're doing activities and shit#and have to be like the model of library enthusiasm when i barely have that on a good day. and not actually physically groan#every time someone new wants a card because it means i have to interrupt what im doing dor the next fifteen minutes to say a spiel#i know i shouldn't hate that i should be glad we're getting engagement. and i am. i just wish i wasn't the one at the desk#and im not good at keeping that off of my face or being welcoming when i dont feel welcoming#i haven't gotten to do processing at my actual office desk in months. haven't gotten to be Off The Floor#which certainly hasn't helped my overall stress levels. i need to not be socially on so much it's slowly pulling me apart#and then i get home wnd im too tired to do anything and my house also falls apart around me#but if i DON'T have outings i also rot . there's no solution to this problem. not without quitting my job which ill never do#bc in today's market id never get anything half as good as this ever again. and as has been established. this relatively good job#is still not good enough for me not to be emotionally and mentally falling apart
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the goverment is definitely figuring out this alien situation asap right?? cause whats happening currently is not feasible in the long run is it not??
im sure they are trying to maybe figure it out...probably, but part of me feels like it is not being treated with the seriousness it should be by them, which ig is in character LOL
pretty much relying on one guy (who doesnt even wanna be doing this) is actually scary
and the mc still has to like 'encourage' him to do it, tho its much easier in the 'ray ending' for sure. that man just wants to live a regular life with mc (unfortunately for him that means continuing to be binary star and dealing with aliens)
and if i was a citizen and knew this id be panicking
like yea u have these other heroes helping and stuff which im sure looks comforting from an outside point of view! but like the actuality is that its ray keeping things afloat
AND ON THE TOPIC OF THE MC, i was definitely in my head like....wouldnt rays superiors (managers??) get like curious about them? like no way theyre not being nosy about it after a certain amount of time passes. it really feels like something that could be leveraged against him,,, (if there is fic about this pls send it to me lol)
honestly i feel like mc and rays relationship would have moments of high stress. like there will be good times but also the bad times will also be there and its sometimes gonna be because of outside factors they cant control
#like this hero set up for the violent alien invasions....cannot continue forever no?#its like a common hero trope but i love overthinking stuff its my jam!#and this is not me even getting into the possibility of mc dying before him (natural causes or accident)...or him getting too old eventuall#ig they could make another human weapon or something but if that were the easiest solution#there would be more ppl like ray walking around already ig (also this is a messed up thing to do btw)#is there even a solution to this??#see im entering the next phase of my fixation which is#thinking about the world#its really interesting guys!#ray is an interesting character and all the shit hes been through...im surprised he can be even controlled ngl lol#like yea mc is his last link to humanity but also deep down ik he doesnt want to let go of it hence the obsession and love towards them#its tragic that that hope had to be pinned on one singular person tho#wishing the best for him tho#i think he should be allowed to retire rn ACTUALLY#unfortunately everyone will fuckin die so.#again....government do something!?#i dont believe in my heart that theyre trying to actually solve the problem...#ik its not an easy problem to solve either....there might not be a solution at all! but i still feel like theyre not trying hard enough??#but idk enough about what the gov is doing to know. this is literally me just going based off vibes#i hope i stop having th urge to yap about this in like a week cause ill go crazy just making thing up#binary star hero#bshvn#im so curious to actually see how mc and rays day to day official relationship would go#the ray ending one where theyre trying to be healthy about it lol#theyre super cute haha#also its always fun to see a yan type character trying to be 'normal' about their feelings#hes trying okay! he doesnt even read mcs mind anymore without permission#or at least he tries#pretty sure he slips up every once in awhile#god i just...i have a bunch of stuff going on in my head
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Me: "Ok, so the people sent to help us communicate were worse than useless. However, I think that I have figured out what could help me feel less isolated! [long written message explaining Autism and Special Interests] So maybe you could try to ask me what I'm reading, maybe around twice a week, and that way, I won't feel as isolated!"
Housemate: "IDK, don't you think it is a little authoritarian to expect us to do this?"
#THEN FUCKING DON'T DO IT!!#FUCKING HELL!! LIKE SERIOUSLY!!#I honestly don't think that I could have asked for less than this#Problem: I feel isolated#Solution: Here is a simple subject that you can ask me about#as it is both important to me AND something I can answer without taking too much time#and here is a rough estimate how often you should do it#YOU CAN SPARE 2x3 MINUTES PER WEEK#would it solve all our problems?#IDK probably not but it would make me feel better#if doing this much for your housemate is too much effort for you THEN DON'T#recording my emotions for later#personal
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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today my bike I have had for 7 years got stolen so I was really upset and called or went to every pawn shop on my side of the city then came home and realized I hadn't eaten at all throughout the day and I'm bleeding into my clothing (normal monthly blood). well. :/
#i don't see a stain on the jeans at least. cotton undies you have supported me once again#i thought i was just being my usual overly emotional self crying about this#how am i supposed to live in this world when unpleasant coincidences like this keep happening to me and i get way more upset than i should#etc etc can i go a year without some stupid mishap can i just live in peace. last year it was the roaches#i KNOW every time i move something unpleasant is bound to happen for a while but i keep moving around#and etc etc#then i realized i had not eaten so perhaps could chalk this unhappiness not up to my basic unsuitedness for life in society#but up to hunger#modern problems require ancient solutions#anyway that is the last time i leave my bike chained outside overnight#i guess i am too trusting
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it is interesting how the ocd functions now bc the thoughts i get just register as normal possibilities and i can be like hmmm dont think ab that. and it actually leaves. the only thing that bothers me long term anymore is when its something im already kind of scared of or believing outside of the ocd. and in that regard i know its me being anxious but it feels really good to check and make sure still, so thats something i still need to overcome. like i feel the framing of it sounds mean but its very much like i cannot make everyone else solve my anxiety i have to quell it myself. but then also i have to learn its fine to need help sometimes question mark . and i dont know the balance of those things so its either all or nothing
#too often my solution is to stomach all sense of discomfort as a solve to my problems bc it gives that instant gratification#i need to solve that#every year ill think ab the last year and think about what i needed to do differently to make my life better#this year i didnt know what i should do but i think i need to do a lot of things#i need to get out of my insane reward brain cycle#need to be patient with myself and let myself ask for help#need to continue standing with what i feel and not wavering on my like right to have a voice#needa remember how to say no and prioritize myself without feeling guilty#aaaand i need to suck it up and go to therapy <- happening#i needa do something about my anger and my way i view my relationships but idk what so ill leave that to therapy#the gamer speaks uwu
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they should make a life that is easy
#brauughhh i want to throw up.#i hate it when i cant do things i know would make me feel better bc 'other people' exist.#couple of days ago the horrors were talking iykyk. and i knew it was bc it was 2.30 pm and i hadnt had lunch (12pm usually)#but bc im with my family we went to a fucking museum or something and. it wasnt fun.#i know the solution right now. the solution for me atm is to not rot in bed.#but i will NOT be walking around a place i dont know without any data or clue what tf im doing.#if i was alone i could. but theyre out there and if i want to go outside i need to find them.#which wouldnt be THAT big of a problem. IF MY FUCKING DAD COULD SAY WHERE THEY AREE RN.#i get it. im blaming other people. i am glad im here. its awesome im here and ive already done so much cool stuff.#i just.#i dont want to rot in bed right now. it will not help. but i cant do anything else.#sillyposting
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okay let's cut to the chase i need to figure out the best way to do this so i am curious about yall's thoughts as readers
i have what will likely be a ~90k au which will have ~5 distinct plotlines that regularly interact or overlap, something like 10 relationships that i would consider as requiring tagging, 7 different pov characters, and a variety of tags that may conflict depending on the relationship/character/plot they refer to
my concern is that a single fic would come across as overtagged/turn people off to clicking into it, or deter folks who might be interested in one plotline/relationship but not in others. i personally balk a little at fics with a ton of relationship tags, etc, and i'm also concerned that folks who come expecting a tag to apply to one dynamic will be surprised or irritated when it actually applies to another, etc
my tentative solutions are...perhaps a bit unwieldy, but i would love some input from the reader side!!
one alternate would be to utilize series as a way of better tagging each section of the fic, either as a single series of 30ish fics in chronological order or as multiple series of 30ish fics that align to the various plots (with a collection to aggregate them all) with appropriate overlap where it makes sense. my concern is a reader coming in and seeing "part 16 in series" and going 'oh well shit i don't wanna read 16 other fics before this one just to get what's going on here', which could potentially happen with either series solution
my other alternate would be a collection for the au with a "choose your own adventure" type of link at the bottom - follow chronologically to the next fic in the au or follow to the next fic in the particular plotline that this fic is a part of. this would probably also necessitate an author's note at the start of each fic with the 'previous' fic(s) linked. the struggle with this ofc is potential confusion in seeing it as a standalone fic when it's ultimately more part of a collective whole story (either in its plotline or with regards to the au as a whole), but would resolve the tagging issue and the potential deterrent of a 'there are how many fics in this series? no way i'm bothering with that' vibe
so my question, dear readers, is this:
i'm leaving this open for a week, and please feel free to rb to your heart's content! would love to know what people outside my circle think as well, or if anyone has any clever solutions or ideas even if they're not a regular reader of mine. thank u all dearly!!!
#poll#writing#this is for a bllk fic but frankly i'd love input from any readers#or writers who have perhaps attempted something similar!#i'm sure i'm not capturing all the possible problems#nor all the possible solutions#my main concern with having ~5 fics that contain each plotline#is that the plotlines overlap and interact in ways that might be hard to contain#without functionally reposting chapters in multiple fics#which i suppose could be another option but it feels a little weird#and also makes the idea of reading the whole chronological story in its entirety basically impossible
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I do think it's funny that i can absolutely hit my limit and. Then i'm just normal. I'm not capable of getting loudly, personally mad at the moment. I got so mad it's turned off. Next thing that gets me really mad is just getting impersonally destroyed but I'm going to be nearly deadpan about it. Super chill. No yelling, no blustering, none of that. Like it'd be convenient if i didn't know exactly what the value of yelling first was.
#red rambles#i wouldn't usually fry live bugs in boiling oil. that's out of character. i don't like dead bugs.#something special always happens when i get like this. it's not good but it's interesting to watch#and it's not that i like am bottling it up or anything. i know myself. it's just some other thing. new problem solving equation: remove#the thing immediately without allowing it to back down first. no more negotiation only solutions
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sometimes watching tv is good :) i've been watching home decor and home organising shows for the past couple of weeks, and today is my very first day of summer holiday (perks of being a teacher) and i immediately started reorganising and cleaning up my home
#i'm so excited#i'm an expert at depression rooms#my space gets cluttered there's stuff on the floors#actually you can't even see the floors you can't take a step without stepping on something#and i hate it i'm an organised person at heart i need clarity and i need designated spaces and i need a system#it's just that when life gets overwhelming i tend to let my home get that way too#i don't have the energy to clean and tidy up#and let's face it i tend to buy a lot of stuff#mostly yarn and other craft supplies#i have SO MUCH yarn#and it's taking over everything#including my bed#i barely have any room left on my bed to sleep it's becoming a problem#so i'm finding solutions#i'm buying clear drawers and coloured boxes so i can get my shit organised#but still have a cute and functioning home#utilising every bit of wall space in a way that's efficient and doesn't feel cluttered#basically i'm trying to get everything contained to the wall areas with new storage and repurposing existing storage#to free up the center of the room#i actually love cleaning up so when my space is a mess you know it means i am also a mess#the only thing i don't like is doing the dishes#oh how i wish i had a dishwasher#anyway. i'm excited to have a clean and tidy room soon#we'll tackle the dishes later lol#rain.stuff
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Choose your fighter: being able to feel confident in writing a scene with more than two characters, not worrying about sentence structure, or writing effortless descriptions.
#BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T HAVE ALL THREE AT ONCE#i'm fine i'm just feeling a little hysterical bc i've been worrying about equal 'screen time' between characters when there's more than two#which is proving to be a bit of a problem when one of my favourite ships to write is a poly ship#i think that solution is you don't have to have them all in frame at once one can just he vibing#but anyway started a second new wip of today to try and get back in the rhythm and just write something fluffy without stakes#only to hit into the wall of being very aware of my sentences which hasn't been so much of an issue#so far so good with the descriptions though#BUT ANYWAY#one day. one day i will get all three. again.#that's the most frustrating part: the fact it used to be so easy#it'll work out#and hey at least i'm laughing and not sobbing#which past me would have done#writing#lit writes#lit talks
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