#a) I don't need this negativity in my life and to ruin something I'm enjoying

[the-sunshine-dragon]

Friendly reminder: You Are Not Obligated To Actively Participate In A Fandom To Be A Fan.

You can be a fan from a distance. You can be a fan that's heavily involved. You can be a fan somewhere inbetween. You're still a fan any which way.

Sometimes it's unavoidable, but you don't need to let others bad attitudes and negative behaviours define what your experience as a fan as and how you interact with the media that you're a fan of.

[roosterforme]

Adult Education Part 23 | Hangman x OC

Summary: Jake has found everything he needs in one person. He knows deep inside that nothing is going to change Jessica's love for him, but he's nervous to tell her what's been on his mind. When he opens himself up to her even more, she gives him everything he wants.

Warnings: Fluff, smut, pegging, anal, language, 18+

Length: 3400 words

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Female OC

This story is part of the Beer Boy and Sugar universe but can be read on its own! Adult Education masterlist

Seriously, who let Jake on my masterlist!? Banner by @mak-32

Epilogue Part Two

Five more months later...

Jessica was just settling down on the couch with a mug of tea when Jake got home from work. "Hey, Baby," he said as he undid the top buttons on his khaki uniform shirt. "How was your day?"

"Not bad," she replied, absolutely loving that her Fridays ended early this term. "I started making a list of what we need to pack for Cabo, and I printed out my final exam sheets. Dinner's in the oven, and I'm about to email Luca back. He asked me if I wanted him to stop by with his skateboard next week. Isn't he adorable?"

Jake smirked as she reached for him. "You made dinner? Seriously?"

She rolled her eyes as she said, "Don't be silly, Smart Boy. I took the pan of lasagna that you left in the refrigerator and put it in the oven."

"Yeah, that makes more sense," he drawled as she looked up at him from the couch. 

"Your uniforms are ruining my life," she whispered as she ran her hands along his thigh and took his zipper pull between her thumb and index finger. "Ever since I actually flew with you in your flight suit, I can't get enough of all of these things. I've been enjoying all the role playing."

Jake pressed his lips together, a thoughtful look on his face. "I noticed you've been having a lot of fun bossing me around lately."

She hummed as she kissed his zipper. "That's an understatement. I loved it when you called me Admiral Reed while you wore your dress blues. Speaking of which... I haven't seen them recently."

"Special occasions, Baby. Can't wear them every day," he told her, and she made a disappointed sound as he took one step away from her.

"Where are you going? I was about to give you a blowjob."

To her knowledge, Jake had never turned her down. Ever. Not once in over ten months with him. She sat still on the couch and watched him rake his fingers a bit nervously through his hair. The more she looked at him, the more she realized he didn't quite seem like himself, and she hopped up from the couch and went to him. 

"You can tell me what's wrong, Jake," she promised softly. "Did I do something?"

"No," he replied with conviction. "You didn't do a damn thing wrong, Baby. I've just had something on my mind."

"Oh." She was trying to think of a single positive thing that would get this reaction out of him, but she could only come up with negatives. Her mind was supplying scenarios that would be enough to break her heart as he studied her with pensive green eyes.

"I really like that," he muttered, gaze falling to the floor. "When you kind of... take control." His face was flushed a pretty shade of pink, and Jessica couldn't stop staring. He was so obviously nervous, and he didn't meet her eyes until she pressed her palm to his warm cheek. "I like it when you do that."

"Okay," she replied with a little nod. "Then I'll do it more often."

He huffed out an exasperated breath and looked up at the ceiling now. "Jessica... I've never asked for anything like this before. And I don't really know how to do it now."

She used both hands to tip his face down again so he was looking at her once more. His pupils were wide, and his lips were set in a firm line, and she had no idea what was running through his mind that was making him react this way. "You can tell me anything, Jake. You can ask for what you want. I do it all the time. I ask you to buy me lingerie and toys, and you always do."

"This is different," came his immediate response. "I don't know if you'll like it. Hell, I don't even know if I'll like it."

She scraped her nails gently along his stubble and tried to imagine what he wanted. She'd give him anything. "Is it something kinky?" she asked, tracing his lip as he nodded. "You're just going to have to tell me then, and I promise I'll at least consider it."

Jake seemed to be gathering his thoughts as her hand drifted down his neck to his shirt where she slowly traced the letters in SERESIN over and over again until he whispered, "Okay. Baby, you know how we bought all those toys from that one website?" When she nodded, he added, "And you know how we kind of skipped the one category?"

She could picture the night they were curled up on the couch with her phone, adding things to the shopping cart with reckless abandon until they'd spent over five hundred dollars. She could also clearly picture the collection of dildos and straps that were available that they didn't touch at all. 

"Oh."

He swallowed hard, his eyes growing wide as he started to pull away from her. "Yeah."

But Jessica wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tighter against her body. He was getting a little hard, and then she whispered, "You want me fuck you like that? With a strap-on?"

She really didn't even need the verbal confirmation, not with the way his body reacted and the soft moan that came from the back of his throat. But she kissed him as soon as he said, "Yes."

-------------------------

Jake was waiting for things to shift. He was bracing himself for Jessica to look at him differently or change her mind. There was a difference between wants and needs, and he knew that. He wanted to experiment with her, because he trusted her. She brought out emotions he'd never felt before which opened them up to some exciting exploration in the bedroom. He was nervous to tell her what he wanted, but he did it anyway. 

But what he needed was for Jessica to say yes when he proposed on vacation in Cabo with the three carat diamond ring he bought. He needed her to say she'd spend the rest of her life with him before they went to Texas for Christmas. But if it were possible for someone to fulfill all of his needs and his wants too, it was Jessica. It was always going to be Jessica.

So he was surprised but not unpleasantly so when after dinner, she stretched out on the couch with her head on his thigh and brought the topic back to the items she mentioned earlier. She looked up at him and said, "We should make sure you're happy with what we pick, but there are a lot of options. And I guess if we buy something and you don't like it, we could always try again?"

"I love you," he whispered, now knowing he hadn't done anything to change the way she felt about him. She smiled softly as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"I love you, too," she promised. "And I'm really excited about this."

Jake sighed in relief. "If you don't think it's fun, we definitely don't need to try it a second time." But she was already pointing out a few different dildos that she found on her phone and holding it up for him to see.

"Oh, Jake," she said with a grin that made him pulse with need. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a great time. And this one comes in navy blue... I'm just saying, it would match your uniforms perfectly."

That comment alone left Jake in a state of constant need for the next week while he waited for the goods to arrive. The box was dropped off the following Friday, and Jessica was wearing his robe and smiling like the cat who got the cream when he got home from work. "How was your last day of the semester, Dr. Reed?" he asked softly as she held up the pink box.

"It was good," she replied easily. "And it's about to get even better. We leave for Cabo in the morning, and the new toys are here."

Jake swallowed hard as she handed him the box, and when she untied his robe sash, he was treated to the sight of her in her navy blue lace bra and thong set. "Jessica," he croaked, already turned on and beyond excited. 

"Look in the box," she told him, and he realized she had already cut it open. Everything was the same blue color as her lingerie, and he moaned softly when he ran his hand along the smaller of the two dildos. He didn't know if this would feel good or not, but the idea of his girlfriend wearing it was making him hard. 

He met her eyes as she said, "If it looks good to you, I'll clean everything and get ready while you change into your dress blues."

"My dress blues?" he asked as she took the box from him. 

She bit her lip and moaned. "Do it, Lieutenant Seresin. Put on your dress blues and wait for me in the bedroom."

"Yes, ma'am," he grunted, heading right for the closet without delay. His hands shook slightly as he pulled his uniform from the hanger. He was so excited, he could barely get the tie on himself. He looked at the shoes. Would she want him to wear the shoes? Did he want to skip them and hope for a reprimand? Would she reward him more if he was wearing the full uniform?

He ended up putting them on, and when Jessica walked into the bedroom, he was standing at attention. But his jaw dropped when he saw that she was already wearing the strap-on. No sound came out, but he was gasping for air as she ran her hand up and down the length, casually strolling closer to him. 

"This looks good on you, Lieutenant," she purred, and his cock stirred a little more. "I like it when you're dressed for the occasion."

"What's the occasion, Admiral Reed?"

She took his hand in hers and turned the palm up, and then she squeezed out some lube. Then she guided his hand to the dildo, and he helped her coat it up. "You're the one who told me this uniform is just for special occasions, so I'll make it a very special one for you. I'm going to fuck you in the ass until you come."

Jake gasped, his hand tightening around the length, pulling Jessica closer to him. "Please," he whimpered, and she adjusted his hat on his head with her clean hand. 

"I can't guarantee this will stay on," she mused, grabbing him by the bicep and turning him so he was facing the bed. Her hands came to rest on his hips from behind, and the toy poked him as she said, "And these definitely won't be staying on." 

She reached around and started to undo the front of his pants. This was his Jessica. This was the self assured, beautiful woman of his dreams, and she started jerking him off as his pants fell to the floor. The strap on was rubbing his backside. He could come simply from this.

"Bend over, Lieutenant," she demanded, squeezing his cock with her slick hand before releasing him. He did as he was told, and when his cheek met the bedding, her hands met his ass. "Don't forget, Jake," she said softly. "If you're not enjoying it, the safe word is Sam Adams."

"Thank you, Baby," he whispered, actually feeling a lot more at ease than he imagined. And that's precisely when Jessica's hand landed on his ass with a hard slap. 

"Lieutenant Seresin," she barked out. "Your uniform is sloppy. Your pants are on the floor. I have told you so many times to straighten this out!"

"Yes Admiral Reed, ma'am," he replied, his voice shaking with need as his cock twitched against the bed. "I'll do better next time."

She laughed, and Jake could hear her uncap the bottle of lube just before he felt her squeeze it onto his backside near where she spanked him. "You need to be taught a lesson. Or you'll keep strutting around here like the rules don't apply to you."

"Yes, ma'am," he gasped as her fingers slid through the slick mess before easing from his balls right up to his asshole. He was already bucking back against her fingers as she teased him, and he'd never been more aware of the fact that he'd never had anything inside him before. 

He looked back at her over his shoulder, his blue jacket all bunched up on his body along with his shirt and tie. When she met his eyes, she smirked and said, "Relax, Lieutenant. Be a good boy. It will all be over soon."

The words Sam Adams were right there on his tongue, and he was ready to shout them out, but he found himself relaxing at her touch as she eased her fingertip along while she whispered, "Just be a good boy."

He grunted at the stretch, because it felt incredible. "Admiral Reed," he whined as she inserted her finger deeper. God, he'd wanted this in the worst way, and it felt so fucking good. Her other hand rubbed circles along his lower back, and when he pressed his hips back for more of her finger, she started to withdraw it instead.

"You want more," she whispered, a statement rather than a question. She could tell he did, but he nodded against the bedding and told her yes. Then her finger was back, slipping inside him as he took fistfuls of the blankets. This was different than he usually felt when they were intimate. Not better or worse, but a different kind of pleasurable. She was easily gliding along a spot inside him that left him a little short of breath, groaning her name.

After long enough that his cock was starting to ache for relief, she said, "I think you're ready for the strap, Lieutenant. And I can't wait to give it to you."

He knew she would be gentle amidst the roleplay, and she was. Jake could feel her coating him up with more lube before she leaned down and kissed his back through his uniform. Then she eased the blunt silicone head to his hole and swirled it around while he did his best to try to relax. Jessica's other hand wrapped around to his cock which was devastatingly hard, and she started to slowly jerk him off again while she pushed. 

If the stretch from her finger felt good, the stretch from the strap felt both incredible and also alarming. He was gasping, knuckles white as he clutched the bedding. Jessica pushed deeper and deeper, still stroking her hand along his cock as she filled his ass completely. Her hips were resting against him as he moaned and whined loudly. 

He squeezed his eyes closed, sucking in air as she paused, fully seated. "How does that feel, Lieutenant Seresin?" she asked, voice breathy as she kissed along his back again. 

Jake tried to find the words to describe the juxtaposition of pleasure mixed with slight pain along with the thrumming desire for more. More of Jessica's voice, more movement, and more pressure. "I like it," he managed, and that was all she needed to hear.

Inch by beautiful inch, she withdrew until that blunt tip was the only thing inside him, and Jake moaned loudly as she thrusted into him faster this time while his body grabbed at the length. "Oh god," he whined when he was full again. "Feels amazing."

She slid her slick hand along his cock and whispered, "You're my good boy," while she fucked him. "You're doing great." She rolled her hips, fucking him with rapid, shallow thrusts while he grunted her name and balled the bedding up tighter. She stroked his length slower as her hips went faster, and Jake's hands shook with anticipation. 

"Baby," he moaned as her hips pressed against his ass, holding herself in place as she filled him completely. 

"Admiral Reed," she corrected, letting her hand drift slowly back down his shaft so she was squeezing his balls. She rolled her hips back and snapped them forward in one fluid motion, and Jake buried his face in the bedding as he cried out. 

"Admiral Reed! I'm close! I'm so close!"

Without slowing her tempo, Jessica grabbed him by his hips, and Jake's cock pressed against the bed. She was rubbing him in all the right places, keeping him full with thrust after thrust, and his cock was throbbing in need. 

"Come, Lieutenant. You earned it," she promised, grabbing at his hips and waist and grunting as she finished him off with all of her remaining strength. Just a few more thrusts as she found every spot inside of him that needed relief, and he was coming all over the bed.

"Fuck!" he growled, lifting his upper body slightly to chase that perfect pressure, and he watched his cum shoot across the bedding as Jessica rubbed his electrified skin. Jake collapsed back down onto his own mess, the sticky warmth on his hands and cheek as he whined and whimpered. 

He felt Jessica remove the strap one inch at a time until she was free of his body, and she hugged him from behind, kissing at his shoulder. "I love you, Jake. I love you so much," she crooned breathlessly, and he at least had the wherewithal to realize she might need some relief now as well. But he couldn't stand up yet. Not when she was whispering the sweetest things in his ear while his legs shook.

When he lifted his head, she kissed his cheek while he tried to formulate words. Then she moaned and licked the cum from his face. Nothing had changed. She was still his in the same way she had been, and if anything, he loved her more for what she just did with him. 

"Jessica," he whispered, kissing her lips, finally. She tasted like him. She tasted perfect. Then he stood, and she was smiling up at him, wearing that pretty strap. And Jake knew. He fucking knew damn well that it was time to ask her. 

"Where are you going?" she asked when he reached for his pants, pulling them up high enough so he could walk. 

He rushed out to the kitchen and opened the cabinet that contained all of the spices and seasonings. She was still apprehensive about cooking on her own, and this was the last place she would have looked for anything. He grabbed the small box and popped it open as he ran back into the bedroom as quickly as he could. Jessica had removed the strap and set it on the bed, leaving her in that sinful looking navy blue set. She adjusted her glasses just before her gaze fell to his hand, and then he dropped to his knee in front of her.

"Jake?" she gasped as her eyes went wide.

"Marry me. Please, Baby. Marry me. You're a need. A necessity. But you're also somehow the only thing I want. I was going to propose in Cabo, but I can't even wait until tomorrow. Will you marry me?"

Her pretty face crumpled as she sobbed, but she was nodding and reaching for him. Her voice shook as she smiled through her tears. "Yes. I'll marry you. You're my needs and wants, too."

Jake stood and scooped her up as he laughed. She ended up beneath him on the bed next to his cum, kissing him and running her fingers through his hair while he tried to get her to hold her hand still. "Let me put it on you, Smart Girl," he whispered, unable to stop smiling as he took her left hand and slipped the ring into place. He loved the way it looked. And then, as if the massive diamond didn't matter much to her in comparison to him, she had her hands back in his hair. And he kind of loved that, too.

"I can't wait to tell everyone how we got engaged," she said as she laughed and buried her face against his neck. 

"You can tell them anything you want, Jess. Just make sure you pack that strap for Cabo along with the rest of the toys."

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Thank you so much for coming on this little journey with me! It was really fun to fit Jake and Jessica into the Beer Boy and Sugar universe, and I hope you'll stick around to read about Bob and Anna soon, too! IYKYK...if you follow along with Beer Boy and Sugar, you already knew about Jake and Jessica's upcoming nuptials. More surprises are in store in every corner of this universe soon! Big thanks to @mak-32 @beyondthesefourwalls @sylviebell for all your help!

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[kaceythecrunch]

RANT. (sturntok.)

Yall. Im so mad. Sturntok pisses me the fuck off to the point it isn't even funny anymore. This might be messy, so bare with me.

Tara. Why the fuck is everyone pressed about Tara hanging out with the triplet, specifically matt and Chris. Yall are acting as if it was only two of them, like they're on a date. They were with fucking I don't know, 8 other people? Like why does Sturntok care who they hangout with? Did you not learn from elementary school to mind your bees wax, or business? You're probably 15. They're literally 5 years older than you. There is no way, in any universe they're gonna date you girl. ALSO TO SHIT ON TARA?? LIKE GIRL. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO SHIT ON CUZ HOMEGIRL DONT CARE. SHE DONT CARE. SHE IS STRIVING AND LIVING LIFE LIKE YOU SHOULD GIRL. Live life and don't care. You'll probably have a positive outcome. No cuz y'all know how Chris owns the Saturn necklace thing? Its vivienne underwood. It's less than 20 bucks on Amazon. Also when was the last time y'all saw Chris wearing that necklace girl. Also there's a post from like months, or I think a year ago of Tara wearing the same necklace. These fucking tiktok girls are so annoying. Like we get it, everyone wants to be Tara. (she's my gf.)

Podcast. I saw a bunch of btiches shit on the podcast. Like cmon. THEY ARE PRODUCING AN HOUR LONG VIDEO FOR YALL EVERY WEEK. Mfs are burnt out, you're lucky that they even produce content for you ungreatful hoes. Like lwk, I'd rather have them remove Wednesday videos. I remember when they first started their podcast that they were really excited to start and stuff. I also remember, I believe it was their earlier vlogs. When they were still living in Boston and they haven't like went to LA yet, they were talking about turning their basement into a podcast room. Like cmon. This is something they've been wanting to do and you hoes just don't appreciate anything. Like have y'all's mama's not been pissed at y'all for not appreciating her food. Live life positive and not negative tf. But ofc, I respect their decision.

Intro. Yall just love to shit on everyone. Ruining the party. Sturntok reminds me of the kids-the class "clowns" who would be so shitty to the teacher for no reason and would ruin fun things for everyone. Like guys, I think we should all as a community bully Sturntok. It requires a bit more bullying, just to knock some sense into their heads. Anyways, back to what I was ranting about. I loved their new intro. its a new era. A new them. Change. Is. Fucking. hard. I understand that you love the teens from Boston running around making fools of themselves. Me too, I shall admit it. But in order to get sponsorships, to get the little paring things. (For example, them sponsoring Celsius, even becoming the youtooz thing.) Like they gotta act more professional.

Change. This tied in with the last few things. CHANGE IS HARD. CHANGE IS A DIFFICULT THING. But how the fuck are you gonna live life, and enjoy life when your stuck on one thing forever. Change is needed for growth, and for learning. Like guys, THEYRE 20. I think that's something y'all forget. They aren't teenagers anymore. Its kinda like how when everyone went into middle school and started to not like kiddy things when you still liked kiddy things. When I was in middle school I still like to play with Legos, draw, watch anime. Until I hit 7th grade, aka everyone's downfall. I still enjoy some of those things today but I changed because people in middle school stopped like those things and its embarrassing (well for me at least) to show up in school with anime shirts cuz I'm getting older. Thats what they're feeling I guess. Again, theyre 20 now.

Crazy ass mfs. Crazy, as in them soft mf's on sturntok. Also what pisses me off more is that they're coming here on tumblr. Like no, I know your soft ass belongs on Wattpad bffr. I have a long rant about this one, so bare with me again. They are so so so so so SOOOOO sensitive about the "spicy edits." Sometimes the fucking video frame isn't even about something "spicy" aka- them being shirtless, video frame near their crotch. It was when there was a song about sex. How soft can you be. Most songs these days are about sex. Some songs y'all probably didn't know about was about sex. (cake by the ocean for example.) LIKE LETS ME FOR REAL. MOST SONGS ARE ABOUT SEX. Also with the tiktok audios being removed like cmon. Not everything is about sunshine and rainbows. I remember I commented on a Chris edit and I was like.

"I need this man in my life. He's so hot."

"you're fucking gross. He's a human being and do you know how grossed out he would be if he saw that you said this? (bullshitbullshit,morebullshitandstupidness.)"

Yeah, keeping fucking running your mouth. THIS TIKTOK HAS LIKE 4K VIEWS. DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH FUCKING FOLLOWERS THE TRIPLETS HAVE? YEAH. THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF WHAT THEY HAVE. THIS VIDEO HAS 1K COMMENTS. ARE THEY FUCKING HUNTING ME DOWN?? MY COMMENT HAS 3 LIKES. WHY WOULD THEY CARE TO FUCKING CHECK GIRL. ITS ALSO TELLING THE FUCKING PERSON WHO EDITED THIS THAT THIS EDIT WAS FIRE AND THAT THEY MADE THE EDIT HELLA GOOD. UR FUCKING LUCKY I KEPT MY ANGER TO MYSELF CUZ OH GIRL. I WOULD SUCKER PUNCH YOU. You know whats also funny? They're the same people who will be pissed with when they see matt or Chris with a female. Like girl. You're calling me fucking gross? Do you think how much more worse that is than my comment? You ruin friendships. OG sturniolo fans know that they've been friends with girls. If you genuinely care, yall would know that nick made most of matt and chris' friends. Meaning most of them were females. SO OBVIOUSLY THEYRE GONNA HAVE GIRL FRIENDS. I remember watching the Zach sang pod when nick was on and he explained that matt usually doesn't make the friends. Theres a joke where matt says "I'm gonna make a friend that wasn't originally nick's friends." smth like that. Anyways, off topic. Just because they are seen with a girl, doesn't mean they are fucking dating them. Like shut the fuck up. please. Respectfully shut the fuck because I'm a nice person. Also Chris gives off major virgin vibes lets bffr.

Madi. Yall hate so bad on Madi and its fucking grossing me out. Why do you have to ship her with matt and chris??? Literally to the point they can't even put her in photo dumps or videos. You just gotta ruin it for everyone, huh? shes fucking gorgeous, and she's so funny in videos. Plus, when she does talk shes hillarious. She literally reminds me of Matt. She doesn't fucking talk much because she is more of a listener.. Like guys bffr. How can you hate her when she barley spoke in videos. Like respectfully, shut the fuck up. Yall just jealous shes pretty.

Calling Nick fine. I also hate them mfs who are always running their mouth about girls calling Nick fine. Lets bffr. Y'all didn't think a gay guy is fine? I'm sure you've had a crush on one gay person before. And if you haven't trust me. You will. I had a crush on my gay friend in 8th grade. I feel like its a canon even in every girl's life. anyways, I hate when girls will be scared to call nick hot.

"Nick is so fine. But like as a cool guy friend way. Please don't attack me."

POOR GIRL BELIEVES SHE IS GONNA BE ATTACKED IF SHE CALLS A GAY MAN FINE. Sturntok leave her the fuck alone. He's hot as fucking and I will kill civilians if I'm not given more nick edits. He's so fine. Literally the hottest triplet.

If u made it here thanks. There was shit on my chest that I really needed to let out. What have we learned today?

Sturntok can suck my fucking dick.

Thanks goodbye.

Me to Sturntok :

[dez78]

You can't run

---------------------------------

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

Pairings: Astarion x Fem!SorceressReader

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Angst, Death. Happy ending.

Summary: You do whatever it takes to protect the one you love and so does he.

A/N: I'm pretty sure I wasn't lore friendly, I just had an idea and decided to have fun with it, please don't leave any negative comments about this being un-lore friendly. I was just having fun. Enjoy!

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'When you love something, you protect it with your entire life at any cost, and right now, your guts telling you to do that very thing.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The battle with Cazador raged on, his prowess was relentless. You struggled as did your companions. Astarion was being held captive and you did whatever it took to protect him.

Even if that meant putting yourself in front of death itself.

"You stupid girl! Astarion is mine!" Cazador spat at you as he blasted powerful spells at you, you dodged effortlessly.

"You have no power here!" Cazador wailed, his crimson eyes glowing with the power of the devil.

"Then you were foolish and have underestimated me!" You cried boldly.

"Underestimated? Silly girl, love will not save Astarion. Nothing can!" Cazador mocked you. You were furious and your eyes flashed red. Your nostrils flared.

"He isn't yours to torment! " You screeched,

"And I will not stop until I get him back! Until he's safe in my arms!" You wailed; your companions watched as your hands illuminated in a powerful magic.

"GIVE ME MY HUSBAND!" Your voice was not your own as you screamed at the top of your lungs. Your whole body glowing with the weave, your eyes bright orbs.

You pushed your hands out in front of yourself and the magic within you came out in a wave of thunderous light. The shockwave was devastating. The stone floor undid itself from the impact, your companions and Cazador flew back. The pillars the spawn were held, crumbled from the impact and crashed to the floor.

----------------------------------------------------------

When you came to, you saw the disaster you had created. You ran through the wreckage and was able to get Astarion, you grabbed his hand, raising him to his feet. He embraced you tightly.

"You stupid, girl!" Cazador wailed as he stood up, you looked up angrily. You stood between him and Astarion. You would do anything to protect the one you loved. Anything.

"If you want him, then you have to go through me first." You growled, Cazador rolled his eyes and held up his hand.

"So be it." He replied as he made a fist. You made the most horrible sound Astarion has ever heard, the sound of pure agony. You held your chest, you felt like your organs were being crushed.

You fell to the ground incapacitated.

"Y/N!" Astarion wailed with despair as he knelt by you, your companions rushed over to you.

Cazador limbed away, holding his broken rips. He needed healing sleep. Astarion's face held something his companions had never seen. His eyes glowed bright and darkened at the same time.

His face twitched with fury as he watched Cazador disappear into his coffin.

"You do not get to take her from me. You can take my life, but you cannot take HERS!" Astarion was full of rage as he stood, his companions looked up. Shadowheart healed you.

Astarion paraded towards the coffin, he pushed the heavy stone away, then he grabbed Cazador,

"No healing sleep for you, WAKE UP!" Astarion bellowed as he threw Cazador onto the floor.

"You pathetic child, how dare you! Your stupid bitch ruined the ritual already. It will take me months to rebuild this room!" Cazador spat. Astarion's face was rage filled, he snapped his hand forward and slapped his old master across the face.

"How dare you speak ill of my wife." He snarled.

"For a moment, I wanted to be just like you, but I realized I could be so much more. I envied you, but now. I want nothing more than to see your corpse beneath my feet." Astarion said as he grabbed Cazador's hair and snapped his head back.

"I'm above you, I'm so much more than what you made me." He said as he grabbed the dagger,

"But I'm not above enjoying this." He said turning the knife, before he strikes, he whispered to his old master.

"Give the devil my regards."

Then Astarion stabbed Cazador repeatedly. The years of torment, abuse, and the pain of his wife's near death came all out at once in one raging moment.

The companions stood back watching the scene play out, Cazador's blood splattered onto Astarion's body and face. The boy screamed as he finally got the revenge he desired after two hundred years.

Astarion finally let go of Cazador and he fell to the floor, his blood gushing from his chest, pooling on the floor. Astarion went to his knees, letting out short, guttural cries.

-------------------------------------------------------------

You finally came to, but you were barely conscious.

"Hey, soldier." Karlach smiled softly, Shadowheart sighed in relief. You looked around with hazy vision. You saw Astarion kneeling in Cazador's blood as the vampire laid lifeless.

"What happened?" You asked groggily.

"The bastard crushed your insides." Wyll growled.

"But Astarion put an end to him!" Karlach said proudly.

"We thought we lost you for good." Gale said, knitting his eyebrows together in concern.

"I've never seen Astarion that angry. He truly loves you Y/N. You sacrificed your life to save him, and he avenged you." Shadowheart said shakily.

"Avenged me?" You questioned, Shadowheart sighed.

"Your heart did stop, but I managed to revive you before the gods claimed your soul." She explained. You were taken aback. You looked back at Astarion, he was still kneeling, his head hung low. You couldn't imagine what he was feeling.

You stood and stumbled, but Gale caught you before you fell. He carefully led you over while the other companions followed in tow.

"My star?" You said, Astarion looked up when he heard your voice,

"You're alive!" He wailed. You saw the wave of relief wash over his face, replacing the grief. He stood and embraced you tightly, you winced.

"Be careful, fangs." Karlach warned him, Astarion pulled back, but still held your shoulders.

"You're okay." He breathed as he pet your face, tears racing down his face. You smiled weakly, still in pain.

"I'm okay, sweetheart." You told him.

"Don't you ever leave me again!" Astarion barked, you chuckled slightly.

"That? Pfft, it'll take more than crushing my organs to keep me away from you, babe." You joked teasingly with a playful smile. Astarion couldn't help the huge smile that made home on his face.

"You found the strength to kill him?" You said, nodding towards Cazador who was lying dead at his feet. Astarion's jaw flexed, he was making a face you didn't recognize.

"I wasn't about to let that bastard walk free after what he did to you. He wasn't going to get away from me, nobody hurts my love and lives to tell the tale. They can't run or hide from me." Astarion explained, his eyes started to glow as they became a darker shade.

Now you knew what Shadowheart was talking about. You gently put your hand to his face, bringing him out of his trance.

"I love you." You said with a smile, Astarion stretched his lips into his own smile. That beautiful one you loved so much. The one that put the glint in his eyes.

"I love you too, darling." Astarion replied as he embraced you, you returned it. The two of you stood there for a long time, not wanting to let each other go. Ever again.

[willowser]

i received this lovely lovely lil thought from a lovely lovely anon in response to this question, and i think we ALL should get to enjoy it 🥹🩷

(Tw:Abuse / Manipulation (kind of; it's not overly gratuitous, but better safe than sorry))

Will! !! So I was thinking about your "would Bakugou chase after you, even after you're engaged" post (loved it! spinning it around in my head), and while I do think he'd probably let you go if you were truely happy with this other person, y'know what might change that? If this other person wasn't making you happy. (I’M SO SORRY FOR THE INCOMING WALL OF TEXT – please just delete if I’m being annoying!!) To explain; I think in this scenario, maybe you're still getting over a long-time unrequited crush (👀), and you're looking for something with a normal, sweet guy to help get over it. He's not the type you would usually go for, but he's nice enough (idk, maybe he has blonde hair, or red eyes, and maybe that makes it easier). And while you initially thought this would just be a short fling, it just kind of... gets away from you? A few dates turn into a few more, and then lots more and before you know it things are getting Serious. He's talking about moving in together, and you're taken aback by it (weren't you just starting to go out together? Isn't this too soon?). But it's not like you have anything real to complain about! He's not horrible to you or anything! He treats you well enough! It's just that you don't seem to feel anything... deep? for him. You don't daydream about a future together, you don't go out and wish he was there with you; Honestly, if he's not there with you, you don't think much about him at all (not the way you used to with him 👀). And hey, maybe sometimes (frequently) you end up doing things you didn't want to do, maybe he knows what to say to get you to acquiesce to his wants and needs, without coming across as manipulative. Or maybe you're just nervous! He isn't "rushing you long term commitments, which would dissuade you from leaving", the two of you are just caught up in a Whirlwind Romance! /Sarcastic. Being honest, that kind of thing grinds a person down after a while; you bend much more easily to his whims. He is, after all, so Normal and so Sweet - and how often do guys like that turn up? You'd be a fool to dump him now, now he knows you so well, and really. What are you expecting? Some Prince Charming(👀) to come and sweep you off your feet? Get real. So you get the flat together, and later on (though sooner than you'd like), you accept his proposal.

1 / 7 (I'm so sorry)

2/7 To my mind, this is the kind of diverging path for Bakugou. I think, if this was a genuine whirlwind romance, and it was recognised by the people around you, he'd probably back off. For all his brashness, he wouldn't want to hurt you by ruining your wedding day to the person you actually love. TBH I can kind of see him pining for you for the rest of his life, and hoping you become a widow/er so he get another shot to confess his feelings lmao. In that situation he could write off his own negative feelings towards your fiance as his own jealousy, right? If the fiance were actually bad for you, at least one other person from your respective friend group would notice. But!! I think that would change if his opinions were backed up by his friends (because it would demonstrate that it isn’t just his jealousy tarnishing his opinion of your boyfriend) Let's imagine that maybe he isn't the only one to think something Weird is going on. Maybe he's hanging out with Denki and Sero, because he's so obviously miserable about not confessing in time, and they're trying to cheer him up (it's been a month and he's mouldering. He is suffering). In walk Eijiro and Mina, who - while they were out getting snacks that Bakugou would never even consider eating if he wasn't in the depths of despair - just so happened to run into you and your new... boyfriend? Kind of? You seemed kind of reluctant to say the two of you were dating, but he seemed nice. Eijiro thinks he's kind of bland, and Mina knows you can do better (which she says both for Bakugou's ego, and because it's true), but nice enough. And you know, maybe, for the first time in a month, Bakugou stops sitting so rigidly. He doesn't slouch per se, no. He relaxes in the same way that tiger might relax before pouncing, in the way that a hunter might breathe out before pulling the trigger. A month of dating, and you still won't call the guy your boyfriend? When you'd introduced them to each-other (after your third date), Bakugou assumed it was his jealousy that made him hate the guy. Kind of boring, kind of pushy (a/n: no, he wouldn't clock the fact that he looks like off-brand Bakugou). He didn't think it would last too long, but it still felt bitter that that was the guy who beat him to the punch.

But seriously; a month of dating, and you still won't call the guy your boyfriend? That's... interesting >:)

3/7 So months roll by, and Bakugou keeps his eye on you. He flipflops between anguishing over his jealousy, and making sure that your “boyfriend” is treating you right. Of course, it’s made harder by the fact that he doesn’t see you that much any more. Your other friends notice it too; You’re not being kept inside your (shared) flat, but you always seem busy, and a bit tired. Ochako and Iida can usually grab you for lunch, Momo swings by your flat pretty often, but your social calendar seems so full now. Full of dates and outings with your new boyfriend. Apparently, you barely have a minute for someone you’ve been friends with since childhood.

It pisses Bakugou off to no end, but he’s keeping his distance (for now). Because the thing is, Bakugou – above anything else – respects you. If you want to waste your time on some loser, he’s not going to presume that he knows better for you! Bakugou’s many things but he’s not “fuckin’ presumptuous”. Besides, if you really were in dire straights, or needed help, you’d reach out. It’s not like you don’t still send him little messages every other day; memes you think he’ll like, little scenic photographs of your dates (conspicuously, your boyfriend is missing from every single one👀). He’s Fine. He can Be Patient. (Reader, he’s been seething for months).

4/7 HOWEVER. Flashing forward to The Proposal. I think it shakes him; firstly because the person he loves is getting married to another man, and he somehow thought you’d have ended it by now. But secondly because everyone else seems to agree that it’s weird! It’s way too soon for marriage to a guy that you don’t even seem to like all that much, and while everyone gently float their concerns to you that maybe it’s just a teeny tiny smidge too soon to get married (which you rebuff half-heartedly), the group-chat is popping the fuck off. It’s definitely too soon, this guy is Too Normal in a very weird way, they barely know him, the wedding is taking place really soon, they should stage in intervention (Eijiro&Tsuyu&Sero), they should kidnap you until you realise what a mistake it would be (Mina&Denki), they should kill him (Deku&Ochako&Iida), etc. It’s pretty weird, then, that Bakugou comes in as the voice of reason; you’re a grown up, and you can make your own decisions. If you really, genuinely want to marry him, that’s up to you; After all the freedom to make your own decisions comes with the responsibility to accept the consequences. (a/n: obvs it would be phrased in a far more Bakugou-esque fashion, but you get my point). So they relent, although they’re still concerned.

So maybe a few days before the wedding he sends you a message (because it’s tricky to get a hold of you in person); he just wants to know what you see in your fiance. He wants to know if you’re really serious about him, or if you’re just settling. It’s not phrased cruelly, but it’s blunt. The message he sends isn’t nice and sweet, but it’s honest, and it comes from a place of concern.

You read it and you don’t reply.

Flash forward again, and it’s the night before the wedding. Wedding Eve, if you will. Bakugou’s in a sour mood and tries to ease his pain by heading to a bar, but it doesn’t really get any better throughout the night. He’s conflicted now more than ever; Is this guy actually awful and bad for you, or is he just jealous? Is he not stepping in because he wants to be respectful of your wishes, or because he’s afraid that by doing so he’ll reveal his own feelings, and suffer the consequent (possible) rejection? Why didn’t he just tell you how he felt before this mess started? He has a few drinks to many, and falls into a dreamless sleep.

5/7 MERRY WEDDINGMAS. It’s the day of the wedding, and because of he hit the bottle too hard last night, Bakugou’s overslept (for the first time in his life, probably). He goes to check his phone – maybe he can still make it to the wedding the venue on time?-

TWO MISSED MESSAGES.

He didn’t realise, but last night you finally replied to his message: You don’t know if you want to get married to this guy.

It’s a long, winding message, but what it boils down to is this- You threw yourself into a relationship with someone you know you don’t really love (you like him well enough, but there’s no spark), because you’ve been spending years muddling your way through a hopeless crush on someone you think will never like you back. So you’ve let yourself go along with this guy, but now you’re on Wedding Eve, and you’ve never been so uncertain of yourself! Your fiance’s a sensible choice (He’s Bland, and he’s Pushy, but he’s Nice, and he’s Normal, but maybe you’re losing yourself in your relationship with him, but maybe you just have cold feet), but you’re not sure that you care any more, and it’s now or never, and it’s ‘You, Bakugou, It’s always been you’, and you’ve been too afraid to tell him, because when does real life play out like the films? When does the years long pining, the roller-coaster of emotions, the ‘I’ve been in love with you since the moment I saw you’, have a happily-ever-after in the real world?

The next message was sent a few hours later. Evidently, you’d calmed down somewhat, because you tell him that you’re sorry for sending him all of that on Wedding Eve, that you’ve had feelings for him for a long time, but if he doesn’t feel the same it would be the kind of closure you’d need to move on. If he doesn’t want to attend the ceremony, you’ll understand and leave him alone. But if he wants to “talk” (👀!!!), then you’ll be waiting for him.

Bakugou feels raw after reading your confession; All this time, and the two of you – despite sharing the same feelings – were so afraid, and for what? The relief, the fear, the hope, all spur him into action.

He’s hungover, he’s in his pyjamas, but all the same he’s rushing towards his expensive, fuel-efficient car as fast as he can, because he has a fuckin’ wedding to stop.

6/7 Meanwhile, you’re stressed, mentally twisting into knots. Bakugou didn’t even read the messages you sent last night, which is both a relief (now you can just get married and move on) and a heart wrenching disappointment (because if you’re being honest with yourself, you were hoping he’d stop you).

You’re wearing an outfit you don’t really like, and your fiance’s family are beaming at you, although you don’t really know them so well. The venue is pleasant but not what you would’ve chosen for yourself. As you walk down the aisle, the band sounds kind of off. Your family and friends are… what? Grimacing? Smiling? Both Smimacing? You aren’t sure.

The ceremony passes in a kind of blur, and you go through the all motions. Mostly, you think of the messages you’d sent to Bakugou. You’d felt so courageous when you finally – finally! - confessed your feelings to him, so hopeful that maybe instead of replying, you’d hear a knock at your door, and he’d sweep you off your feet and- then hours had passed without a word, and you’d been left wondering. Conflicted, and unsure.

As you wait for your fiance to finish his vows (that he wrote himself, but sound like he stole them from a Pinterest board), however, you have a mild epiphany. Did it really matter so much if Bakugou loved you back? Sure, it’d break your heart, but one day you’d heal from it. Besides, he wouldn’t want to settle for some nobody! Bakugou was loyal to his friends, and he wanted the best for them, and that was one of the things you loved most about him! Surely, you owed it to both him, and more importantly, yourself, to put an end to this madness!!

You steel yourself as it gets to That Part of the wedding. The officiant turns to you, and asks if you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband. You face your fiance, and open your mouth to say “Actually…. I DON’T” when-

The doors slam open, and who’s standing there in a matching pair of pyjamas, still holding his car keys? It’s Bakugou, and you only have to lock eyes with him for him to shout – in true romcom fashion – ‘I FUCKIN’ OBJECT’.

7/7 Everyone’s stunned, although the guests on your side of the venue look more thrilled than scandalised.

In truth, I wouldn’t normally peg Bakugou as the “Objecting at a wedding” type, but in this scenario – when the two of you have been pining for so long, when he knows you’d appreciate the spectacle, when he gets to show up that nobody who wasted your time for so long – I think maybe he’d make an exception. Maybe he wouldn’t make some long, protracted speech about how much he loves you, but he MIGHT run to the alter full tilt, and tell you that you’re making a mistake. I do think MAYBE he’d hold out his hand to you, a silent question in his eyes, all while your fiance sputters and rants.

Idk, maybe you say something to the effect of “Looks like he beat me to the punch – I object, too :)”, tell your ex-fiance you’re sorry, but you can’t do this. PERHAPS – after all of the years of wondering, and stressing about whether Bakugou would reject you – you’d just quietly take his hand. And maybe to two of you would scamper off down the aisle to the raucous applause of your friends and family, get into his hatchback or w/e, and drive off into the sunset, certain in the knowledge that – yes, there would be ramifications to running off together like this, but that whatever might come your way you’d face it together! MAYBE.

Idk, I just feel like if he was going to confess his feelings for you after you’d already been engaged, it might be in the form of kissing the back of your hand, pulling off your cheap, shitty engagement ring, throwing it out of the car window, and going for a long drive so you two can finally Talk.

Listen, this really got away from me, and I’m so sorry for flooding your inbox like this. I was just really caught up in the scenario, and wanted to share it with you. Much love 💖

[levitonin]

I don't enjoy Levi as much as I used to and seeing him triggers me, brings tears to my eyes and ruins my day. I don't know where it first started, but it's more likely that it's because of some of my most disliked opinions and statements about him within the fandom that made me change my opinion of him.

It's tragicomic that a character who used to bring so much happiness to my shitty life has turned into a character who ruins my day, my mood, and leads me to depression…

But because of some 'canon truths' and rhetoric that we have to go to great lengths to get him to accept us, that he doesn't accept us for who we are, that we have to be cursorily smart strong and special to impress him, that he wants too many options, and that he is obsessed with a character who is already dead in the series, I realized how unattainable he is. (I can't believe I'm saying this)

Isayama's shitty interviews, the way he relegates Levi to the category of 'useless, his role is over' because of a dead character, and the way he discards him and even plans to kill him a couple of times makes me feel very shitty. It gives me the impression that he's not an independent, big character.

Even though I try to forget him, to get away from him, to get interested in other fictional characters from other fandoms, I somehow come back to him like a toxic relationship.

Even though I force myself to read fanfic to comfort myself and out of some love for him, even the Levi fics I used to enjoy don't make me feel comfortable. Now when I read them, I'm often afraid that I'll see something I don't like. I don't know, it seems like in the majority of the fics I've skimmed, Levi always writes a kind of toxic relationship dynamic for Reader rather than being comfortable for her. He either sends her to her death, lies to her, or uses her for profit just for 'orders'. Sometimes he runs away like a coward when he should be supporting her. And instead of giving mutual love, he throws his feelings under her feet.

Of course I know that Levi is canonically not a soft uwu person who emphasizes personal actions like "I would sacrifice the world for you" "I will protect you from everyone, I will never let you die". But I still can't understand the writing appeal of Levi's behavior towards Reader in such near-toxic descriptions. How can they enjoy and write about it when it triggers me, alienates me from my love for the character, brings tears to my eyes? I think this is the true portrayal of Canon!Levi and the way he would treat Reader if he were in love…

I don't know who to talk to about this anymore. I don't know how to explain to people close to me or to a therapist that an unreal character has been dragging my mood to shit for a few years now. It's just that whether I like him or not, he's hurting me in a big way and I need to get rid of him...

I can't understand why I'm so stuck on him among so many fictional characters. I'm not sure if I love him, but sometimes when my love for him rises, I immediately think that we have to go through many stages to love him or to make him love us. I think it might be disappointment because I've learned over time that he's not the kind of person I like…

But sometimes when I see you guys writing/drawing/talking about Levi and having fun, I wish I was allowed to love and have fun instead of feeling sad…

Well this made me sad. It’s actually true that fictional characters can have a significant impact on your life, whether positive or negative. I don’t know what to say anon but I do hope you find peace and I’m sorry you have to go through all of this. May you find happiness.

[heckthis-heckallofthis]

CAWF Tumblr simulator

🦠 Neutro-2145 Follow

B Cell hasn't worked in a while, the bacteria tastes bland…

(56 Notes)

❤️ IM1235 Follow

The neutrophils are so cool when they're saving the body! I should get them a gift to show my gratitude!

❤️ IM1235

Ok I just saw them rip out the insides of an infected cell, I don't think I can sleep tonight.

#oh my god #do they do that all the time???

(45 notes)

🧸 Dendri217 Follow

I don't think sewing lactic acid bacteria nearly everyday is good for my mental health, but it sure is fun! I need to go outside more I think

#lactic acid bacteria #my beloved #maybe I have too many of them #but you can never have too many lactic acid bacteria

(11 notes)

🎆 RegT59 Follow

As much as I love Helper T as a friend I wish he'd stop buying random things with our budget. He didn't even solve the Rubik's cube he bought last time, now he's buying those metal wire puzzles.

🎆 RegT59

He offered to get me something and I bought a conch shell just because it looked interesting. His bad habits are rubbing off on me.

#sigh #i should just stick to solitaire #our office is getting so cluttered

(64 notes)

⚪ Neutro-3033 Follow

The amount of people that don't know not all neutrophils enjoy eating bacteria or infected cells is wild. Have you tried to eat some?? It's terrible. Some of us only eat it because it's part of the job.

#i swear #its so annoying #at least the RBCS bring us stuff other than bacteria #i really wouldn't mind something less sweet

(82 notes)

✖️ Cross-TCell reblogged

🐦‍⬛ King-Killer

How do I tell my subordinates that I don't actually hate them and that I'm just strict and they need to stop being so sloppy? Believe me guys I like having you around please invite me to something I'm begging you

🐦‍⬛ King-Killer

That was a moment of weakness ignore that (please invite me please please please ple

🐦‍⬛ King-Killer

WHICH ONE OF YOU REBLOGGED THIS?? NOW ALL MY SUBORDINATES ARE CONSTANTLY BRINGING ME WITH THEM FOR LUNCH????

#its okay squad leader #we honestly just thought you'd be too busy to bother with us #so glad you actually do like us #the boys love you too

(19 notes)

🍸 Microfold108 Follow

What even is the point of living? If not just for the sake of a higher being we don't even know? Are they good? Are they bad? Maybe they're the nicest person in the world, maybe they're a serial killer who has murdered countless of their kind. Do they know we work only for them? Do they know how many of us love them?

🍸 Microfold108

Nevermind Dendritic cell came over with a lot of friends and he said they all enjoyed me so maybe there is more to life than that.

#i need to find an actual interest #maybe then I'll stop being so negative about everything

(4 notes)

🟩 HelperT31 Follow

Apparently you can just buy a house??? On Sellular?? I'm going to prank Reg T with this. It's going to be so funny, imagine I pull out a whole house right in front of the office, she'd go insane.

#nobody reblog this I can't let reg t see this #itll ruin the surprise

(1,129 notes)

🗡️ NatKiller095 Follow

Non-immune cells are literally so scary, how do you socialize everyday without getting tired or stressed out??? What do you MEAN you think us murdering cells is scarier?? At least I don't have to go around the ENTIRE body just to hand over a box of gases to someone I barely know!

✨ Eosin-9024 Follow

I agree!! How else would you relieve stress if you can't straight up explode? I would rather die than have to deal with that everyday, I'm so glad parasitic infections are rarer than bacterial and viral infections.

#non immune cells #im sorry for exploding your houses all the time but you guys genuinely terrify me

(34 notes)

🪩 B265 Follow

I love working on the skin! So many beautiful women up here! Way better than working for that insane idiot boss in the alimentary tract

#talking about helper T cell #he sucks so bad #wont let me live my life for just 5 minutes #i do really miss reg t tho #she was way better than helper T

(8 notes)

🪄 Mast92 Follow

The reason why Cellor-sun was so adamant about saving her friends despite risking her life to do so was because if she didn't she risked the Natchlor absorbing her powers and in turn causing the destruction of the whole vessel. Yes she loves her friends but she needed to take the risk, it was a big part of the plot, how do people not see that the first time they watched??

Also I hate how they forcefully gave Cellor-sun a love interest. Soma was an interesting character as Cellor-sun's new companion but they didn't have to force the love interest trope on him. I feel like the trope was so one dimensional, like two different people wrote him. The Cellor-sun I know would never instantly fall in love with someone like that! Their arc was literally 20 minutes long!!! She has high standards and yet just happened to meet someone who has all those exact standards??? Where do you find a cell that happens to be into all your interests, mesh well with your friends, and don't mind that you are a magical girl constantly risking your life for the sake of the vessel?? Soma would've been fine if he was just a friend of Cellor, he could've been her love interest, just stretch it out realistically. He has interesting powers that interact well with the rest of the cast, I really just wish his arc with Cellor would've been written better. Whoever wrote that needs to post a public apology right now.

#cellor-sun against the univessel #cellor-sun #soma-san catu #i could've written it better for real #catu

(424 notes)

[hiorisgf]

Hii !

can I request enemies to lovers with sae itoshi?

##C'MON BOOGIE, DON'T BE SO MEAN NOW

↪Or in which, you become friends with the Sae Itoshi. Maybe even something more in the future

↪ft. Sae Itoshi

↪What's on your mind: It's the effort that counts. Right. Also also ooc Sae. But I digress, it is because the fic is in reader's viewpoint. And if you don't know him well you'd see him as a scumbag too. (def not me trying tonreason out his ooc behavior)

Itoshi Sae was a insufferable bastard who only knows how to ruin a person's day and play football. A bastard who has nothing good to say—a sadist that enjoys seeing the hurt that dances on people's faces as he cruelly roasts them alive until they became charred. You'd know because you yourself experienced it first hand. You hate him, from the bottom of your heart, you truly do. And you're sure he feels the same way too. Atleast, you think he does.

But if so then why. Why is he offering you a juice box. What. Why. 

"Is that spiked?" 

You eyed the juice box with a scowl. Untrusting of whatever it is. Even if it was your favorite flavor of juice, if it came from him, you'd be sure to doubt it.

"No, are you really stupid enough to believe I'd poison you in the middle of a shooting? Even an idiot with an iq of 5 would know better than that"

You flinch at his words, taking the juice offered to you and then stabbed it with the straw using a very much unecessary strength. Why does he need to be so rude? 

"Well I'm sorry for being an idiot and thinking you weren't above actually doing that. It's not my fault you decided to exist just for the sake of spiting me and making my life miserable." You agressively sipped on your drink, glaring at him and his indifferent exterior. Would it kill him to show atleast something on that furstratingly pretty face of his? 

Well, not like you cared. You shook your head around, wanting to shake off any thoughts about him or remotely about him. You couldn't be bothered enough to think about him;especially if he always acted this bitchy towards you.

A undefined silence blanketed the atmosphere. Only the occasional sounds of the manager and their staff could be heard in the background. But even tht too, quieted down as time passed.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

You never turned your head so fast in your entire life. Infact, you were worried you'd get a whiplash with how fast you turned around.

What. Just, what. Is he seriously asking you that?? What is this fever dream. Scary. 

"Creepy. Why are you of all people asking me that?"

A deadpan is what you recieve from him. Along with, "Shut up and answer my question you pillock." 

You're about to retort when you catch sight of the seriousness in his glance. His expression didn't change much, but the mood sure did. You look away, thinking of the many reasons you hated him in the first place.

"Well, to start—do you remember our first meeting? You said I dressed ugly, that it didn't suit me at all"

You began, and Sae listens. "Then eversince then you kept hurling insults at me. Even calling me a simpleton and stuff.. It was really hurtful you know! I tried to cater to your tastes since we'd be working more from then on but everytime you only kept insulting me.. How do you think I'd feel after all that?!" 

By the times you finished your rant, you're out of breath. But your chest however, feels lighter now that you've let your negative feelings out.

Sae hums, as though in thought; and yet another undefined silemce overtakes the two of you.

"My bad" Sae speaks, cutting the silence with his word you refuse to believe he just spoke.

"Huh? Am I high?" was your only response. And Sae feels the same.

He doesn't know why he's doing this either. Why did the way you act earlier—when he hurled yet another insult at just right after the photoshoot bother him this much? Sae meant to push you away with those words. You were too nosy for his liking, so he tried to shut you out, similar to the ways he'd shut down the hundreds of reporters that would buzz around him like flies. But why did his heart clench when it shouldn't. Why is it that when it's you who acts that way he feels like he's just done something wrong. It bothers him. The way how you reacted kept replaying in his mind, practically begging him to make things right. And now, here he is.

"My bad," he says yet again. This time more heavily. Like it's a struggle to say those words

"What. Is this. Is this real? I'm not being delusional aren't I?" you gasp when you hear his words once more.

"Shut up buzz off. You're annoying" he says, but this time—you don't take him seriously

"Oh my gosh. You just did! Is the world ending? Did hell freeze over?!"

Sae plans to throw another insult your way—although much tame this time. But when you look so happy, he doesn't continue and leave you be. To be honest, it still confuses him. Why it's someone as insufferable as you his heart grew soft for, but oh well. Life is unpredictable like that.

"Itoshi, [Name]! Get back here! Break's over!" 

"Ah. Alright sir!" you replied, waving a hand over

Standing up from your seat, you stopped when you now stood beside Sae. "Itoshi, does that make us friends now?" you ask, and the sparkle in your eyes makes it hard to say no. 

"..Think whatever you like, you doormat"  he merely replies before heading back to the photoshoot

You pout as you promptly reply, "Oh come on! Friends don't call each other that, Itoshi!" you act offended, but the smile on your face tells him otherwise.

A grin is plastered on your face as you run to walk by his side. This time, livelier than earlier. Honestly, it's ridiculous. How easily you forgave him—it's comical even. But even so, you didn't care. You were just happy he made an effort than it usually being the other way round.

Maybe with this, you could take the first step in understanding him. 

...

Alright, you were fine with being his bestfriend but you didn't expect to become his lover in the very near future. Wow.

[ladinthehat]

I literally can't fall asleep because I remembered Wayhaven exists, and I am going to make this a problem not only for myself, but anyone else who sees this post as well. I don't even write posts but I really need to throw my thoughts out somewhere lmao

Warning: spoilers for every TWC book, what did you expect. Also talks about mommy/daddy issues and some mentions of harmful stereotypes about POC, both in media and real life. ALSO probably lots of mistakes and rambling, it's literally 3 am give me a break

Wayhaven is such a promising series of books that fell so flat with book 3, even though some could argue there were already issues popping up in book 2. I, personally, enjoyed it just as much as the first one, but that's up to anyone's opinion. Hold on, this deserves a whole list.

My personal and biggest gripe, MC's relationship with their mom. To write something so complex and then chuck it down to two choices (the choices being "forgive your mom" or "don't forgive your mom and everyone will make you feel like a piece of shit") feels so disappointing, especially if you consider what people with parental issues usually deal with irl. Of course there are people who choose to forgive their parent or not, but more often than not (and, as a result of that, what feels most realistic to write in a book) they end up somewhere in-between - it's a bittersweet relationship which you can either choose to continue or not, but the past memories and missed childhood can't just be forgotten and thrown under the rug. That's what MC's relationship with Rebecca could've been, too: a *complex* relationship that can either continue or get cut off completely, and it's a choice that should be respected, because a child that has been neglected has the full right to not trust their willingly neglectful parent again. And to some degree the author does try to achieve it, but in the end you will still have only two choices. And also, in Wayhaven you can literally feel what option author considers to be correct and not choosing that gets you punished severely, e.g. the carnival situation and every dialogue where you choose to not be cordial with Rebecca (the author never forgets to mention how you made everyone feel terrible. "Congrats you piece of shit, you ruined everything because you just can't accept that your mom wants to be buddy buddy again, ugh.") This pattern of turning complex situations into only having yes/no answers, with a negative choice having severe punishments, is such a recurring pattern throughout the whole book series that at this point it feels like a feature that I just didn't get (e.g you don't even get a choice if you want to join the agency or not, you just do, because that's the correct option). Also, I don't believe that literally no one, not even MC's best friends or partner, would try to see their side or god forbid agree with MC cutting contact with Rebecca.

You can literally feel that N and A are supposed to be the star children of TWC. While it was less obvious in book 1, it can't be ignored anymore in books 2 and 3. It does feel even more weird because M and F have the darkest complexions out of the cast, and are depicted as overtly sexual/flirty for absolutely no reason, to the point that sometimes it literally contradicts what the author established about the characters before (M can't handle most fabrics touching their skin and can't eat food because the taste of anything is too much for them, what do you mean they are hypersexual?? isn't sex one of the most stimulating things you can do that can literally be too much for a lot of people that don't even struggle with overstimulation on a daily basis??), but it doesn't feel appropriate to say too much on this issue as I'm literally as white as paper, not to mention that this topic has been brought up by many POC in the IF community who can have more nuance on this situation than I ever could. I can, however, talk about how inconsistent and over-exaggerated M and F's personalities are, compared to A and N feeling much more realistic and well-paced. I hate how M and F are mischaracterized in their own universe and all the meaningful things are overshadowed by "haha M likes sex and is lewd and aggressive" and "haha F is a silly lil' goober". Their romances suffer from it too, which brings me to-

The romance routes could be so much better. And I'm not talking about N or A obviously, even though that's another can of worms that I, frankly, don't want to open, but F and M. M is dumbed down to being aggressive, sexual and borderline feral at times, which are all GREAT traits to give all at the same time in your book to a person of color btw (they're not), but their scenes perform best when the author acknowledges that M is actually none of those things. Just them existing in the same space as MC and feeling at ease and relaxed (and, dare I say, vulnerable) feel much more intimate and rewarding than literal sex scenes, and I feel like that's what romance with M should've been about: two people, who are both lost and confused and overwhelmed in this new to them world (M from memory loss, MC from being thrown into the supernatural scene) bonding, finding comfort and familiarity in each other. Breaking all that buildup with innuendos and sexual propositions feels unnecessary, to be honest.

Continuation of the previous point, but the same could be said about F too. Poor F, the forgotten child of TWC; they're my absolute favorite, and it hurts to see them being thrown somewhere in the background as a comedic relief side character so many times. I feel like they could be the character who gets MC the most, even if they're not dating or particularly close. They have a difficult relationship with their mom, they're thrown into an unfamiliar world that's hard to navigate and it feels like everyone wants too much from them. You can't tell me that it's not some great exposition for a deeper connection between F and MC, both romantic and platonic, as well as an opportunity to explore anxiety and impostor syndrome/separation anxiety (not interchangeable, just feels like either one could fit F) in a seemingly optimistic character. But nah, they like Rebecca and are just a funny little fella. Definitely not playing into more media stereotypes of the only black character in the main cast being a flirty comedic relief.

At this point TWC is going to rival One Piece on the amount of meaningless fillers. And they wouldn't feel so meaningless if the author didn't try to mix slice-of-life and supernatural, or at least didn't mix them so poorly, but most of the time an occasional meaningless scene is thrown into the plot for some short-term tension for what feels to be absolutely no reason other than increasing the word count. Take the blood drive thing as an example of this: what was this scene for?? It started unnecessary tension, had a weird solution and just offered nothing to the rest of the book except for allowing Bobby to finally confront the RO of choice in a very awkward manner. I feel like the author promising 7 books (correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember something like that mentioned in the earliest tumblr posts) feels like a the author chewing off more than she can bite. And it sucks, because had she not had that amount of books (and subsequently a gargantuan word count) looming over her head, we could have had more actually meaningful and fulfilling scenes like ones in the bakery, literally my favorites. It could benefit the pacing, worldbuilding and reader enjoyment greatly.

I could write so much more but at this point I could just go on forever lol

[wyllathepeach]

TS songs as Ducktales Characters, part II: Louie Duck

I think Louie quickly became a fan favorite for how easy it was to identify with him: his entire family is good at something he doesn't even enjoy.

In promotions, Louie was introduced as "the tongue" of the group and the most troublesome of the brothers, the evil triplet per se. Season 1 sticks to that: he is greedy and lazy. As such, showing Louie's negative qualities and its consequences was never a problem: Dime Chase shows all the trouble his laziness gets him into and the entire Living Mummies plot is about his skepticism and arrogance ruining adventures.

But in season 2 they go one step further: Louie has self-esteem problems regarding his uselessness in adventures (which scare him), but his way of analyzing and setting up scams is special in the family and relates him to his mother. He still lacks humility and responsibility, which he spends the rest of the series trying to learn.

Now, let's go with the Taylor song. My candidate is Mastermind.

Yes, I know it's a love song, BUT Mastermind, despite its romantic context, talks about all the planning and plotting you have to do for people to be interested in you. The part that matters to me for this is the bridge, where she explains that this is all due to the rejection she has suffered in her life and that all the plans she makes are because she cares about what people think of her. Almost the same as how Louie hides behind his identity as the sharper in the family, so they don't see him as just the one who ruins the adventures.

"Mastermind"

No one wanted to play with me as a little kid, so I've been scheming like a criminal ever since to make them love me and make it seem effortless. This is the first time I've felt the need to confess. And I swear I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian 'cause I care.

I'll try to get back soon with Webby if my anxiety allows it ( ´∀｀ )b

[starryeyedadmirer]

Damiano shifted nervously on his feet, his mind racing with conflicting emotions. He had been with his boyfriend — Avi — for several months now, and their relationship had been nothing short of amazing. In such a relatively short time, the two of them had already moved in with one another, and started a new life — shared countless moments of tenderness, passion, and unconditional support, in ways that he’d never experienced before. It was all going so perfectly… but there was a creeping worry that Dami just couldn't shake off — a lingering desire that he needed to have met… one that had the potential to ruin everything.

His dilemma began several years ago — on one random night, after a wonderful date, his crazy ex-girlfriend showed his belly button some unexpected attention. Without warning, she plunged her tongue into his shallow navel and began to molest it with a wonderful sloppiness. It was a spontaneous act of affection, and — without the opportunity to anticipate her seductive actions — Damiano was surprised by how much he had enjoyed it. His ex awakened a hidden pleasure within him… one that he had never known before. Since then, he found himself longing to feel that same sensation once again — his mind endlessly craving the touch of a warm, slimy tongue on his vulnerable navel.

Yesterday, as he lounged around in the house, the memory of that blissful moment lingered in his thoughts for hours. It had consumed him throughout the day, tormenting him with the guilt of wanting to ask his current boyfriend to perform such a strange, intimate favor. Damiano loved his boyfriend deeply… much more than he cared for his ex… and the last thing that he wanted was to jeopardize their blossoming relationship… but the desire burned within him like an eternal flame, urging him to take the leap of faith, and make his odd request.

Summoning up all of the courage that he could, Damiano finally found the appropriate words to vocalize his needs. He stood awkwardly at the side of the couch, his voice barely a whisper as he timidly suggested, "Um, hey... I'm not sure how to say this, but... there’s something I really want from you… and I’ve been wanting it for a while now. I’ve just been avoiding it for so long, and I can’t put it off anymore. Look, baby… I love you, and I don’t want to lose you… but, I have to ask. Would you, maybe... ever consider... licking my belly button sometime? I know it’s weird… but… please? I really want this.”

Silence hung heavy in the air as Avi — sat on the middle cushion — unsurprisingly, he looked a bit taken aback. He had always been open-minded and understanding, within reason, but this request was nothing short of unexpected. However, before Damiano could feel any more ashamed or guilty than he’d already been, Avi’s eyes softened, and a hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"Oh, Dami," he said gently, reaching out to cradle his stomach in his hands. "You don't have to feel guilty for voicing your needs. We all have our… desires… and it’s my job to help you explore yours.”

Relief and gratitude washed over Damiano, tears pricking at the edges of his eyes. He had been so terrified of rejection, afraid that his boyfriend would judge him or find his request to be repulsive, that he denied himself of achieving true pleasure for months. Instead of the negative judgement that he’d anticipated, he found understanding, acceptance, and love… a sweet relief.

With a newfound sense of understanding, Avi stood up from the couch and led him to their bedroom — pulling Damiano along by a single fingertip. In no time, they found themselves sitting in the ambience of the dimly lit room, their bed inviting them to surrender to their most intimate desires. He undressed Dami slowly as he rested on the mattress, caressing his flesh with the gentlest of touches, reassuring him that their home was a safe space for vulnerability, trust, and desire. Their connection deepened as he explored Damiano's stomach attentively, leaving no part untouched by his slow hands. As Damiano sat there, his heart racing with anticipation, Avi knelt down and positioned himself between his legs — his lips hovering just before the coveted belly button. “Lie down, Dami. Relax.”

Without hesitation, Avi’s tongue swept across the rim of Damiano's navel, sending shivers of pleasure throughout his body. Damiano gasped, his fingers clutching the sheets in silent ecstasy. He felt like a virgin again… so nervous and self-conscious. How did he taste? How was his smell? He hadn’t had the time to prepare himself beforehand. To close himself off to pleasure, and lose himself in his insecurity, would be such a waste… but to give in to the sensation and vocalize his joy would be too soon. Avi continued to explore, teasing and tantalizing him with each delicate lick. Damiano felt like he was floating, every inch of his being consumed by the overwhelming pleasure and love that enveloped him.

Time seemed to stand still as they reveled in the intimacy they had just discovered. It was an act that transcended the physical, reaffirming their connection on a deeper level. Damiano realized that it wasn't just about the belly button; it was about trust, vulnerability, and the boundless ways in which they could explore the depths of their love. As they lay in the aftermath of their encounter — tangled in each other's arms — Damiano whispered words of gratitude and apologized for his initial hesitations. Avi, with warmth in his eyes, assured him that there was no need for sorries. They had ventured into uncharted territory together, forging a bond that was stronger, more resilient, and infinitely more beautiful than ever before.

And so, after catching their breaths for a few minutes, the two men continued their journey of love, trust, and exploration — two souls forever intertwined in a realm where desires were met with open hearts and willing tongues. Damiano had found liberation in his confession, and the ecstasies that awaited them were beyond his wildest dreams.

[ziggymightbeonfire]

I feel the need to ramble, so here I am

I just discovered Over The Garden Wall and OH MY LORD has it awoken something within me. That whole show feels likes a warm blanket being wrapped up around you while your drinking hot chocolate in a cabin in the woods. Deep within the woods. There's a sence of eerieness to it, but it isn't too disturbing in a sence that I can still watch it at night without feeling paranoid. And the soundtrack - oh, the soundtrack! It makes me sob in all honesty. Kind of like how the vast majority of In Case I Make It (but specifically White Noise) makes me cry. It's not a feeling of sadness, though. I can only describe it as warm. It's a weird feeling. Possibly nostalgic? I don't know. Whatever it is, I like it. It's the same feeling Gravity Falls gives to me. Just thinking about Gravity Falls makes me feel happy. Or I think it's happiness? I can't tell. Emotions are hard. Gravity Falls changed my life in one way or another. It was the first TV show I watched in it's entirty. Sometimes I wish I could thank everyone who's ever worked on that show because I don't know where I'd be without it.

I want to discuss that 'warm' feeling I've discussed earlier because I have no idea what it is. I think it's some sort of deja vu or nostalgia or something along the lines of that. It's annoying me that I can't describe it properly because I desperately crave answers. Well, whatever it is, I like it. That feeling usually only comes to me with these specific things: Kimya Dawson songs, some of Will Woods stuff, Over The Garden Wall, Gravity Falls and those stupid campfire songs that always end with the last word of a verse leading into the first word of a separate verse. I wish I had any sort of way to explain this feeling that does it justice, but I can't. All I know is that it makes me like living. It makes me think about the fact that out of everything I could've been, I'm me. And the thing is, this feeling almost never occurrs with my biggest interests.

I love liking things. I love the fact that I can name every HHN icon. I love the fact that I've learned and still am learning everything I can about The Director. I love the way I overlook literally the simplest metaphors in songs. I love being alive.

Thanks for reading this. Seriously, I hate the internet because it's mostly all negative stuff that just completely ruins any sort of good mood I get. And to you, random stranger. I hope everythings going well or okayish at the very least. You're still here and you should be proud of that. It's cheesy and an oversaid statement, but I don't care. You're aloud to be proud of yourself. Even if it's just getting out of bed, that's something you can say you did. Enjoy existing. You wouldn't be here if someone didn't need you.

[dj-of-the-coven]

Neku and Joshua - Detail Diatribe

Otherwise known as my complete analysis of Neku and Joshua's relationship, from the first moment they share to the last.

------------

BEFORE YOU READ:

This post is an opinion piece and will thusly be colored by my biases. I am not a big fan of Joshua or the Joshneku ship. This means absolutely nothing about what I think of the people who do like him or Joshneku. I don't think liking villains or morally gray characters makes a person immoral or villainous themselves, nor do I think having a ship that CAN be read as abusive makes anyone an abuse apologist or an actual abuser. Ship and let ship--we're all just here for enjoyment. If reading a negative depiction of Joshua or Joshneku will upset you then I implore you not to read this essay. Please take care of yourself and block liberally! This post is also NO EXCUSE to send harassment towards Joshua fans or Joshneku shippers. It is meant to be analysis of a fictional relationship in a game that I enjoy, not a reason to bully or make fun of people who disagree with my reading of the text. To ensure that those sensitive to Joshua-critical arguments do not see this post, I will not be tagging it with any of Joshua's character or ship tags and I humbly ask that you refrain from adding them as well. BE KIND TO PEOPLE AND BE UNDERSTANDING OF THOSE WITH DIFFERENT PREFERENCES.

------------

Whether or not you liked Yoshiya "Joshua" Kiryu after finishing The World Ends With You, it's no stretch of the imagination to say that his character is incredibly complicated--both morally and textually--to fully grasp. His opinions are often hidden behind layers of fluff and fancy words, and his actions might be even less comprehensible at times. He was the one responsible for kicking the plot of the entire first game into action. To put things bluntly: Joshua wanted to purge the world of something he deemed worthless, humanity, so he non-consensually "employed the help" of the moodiest teenage boy in the city to gamble over the lives and deaths of about 203,500 people in a game that cost his proxy...

his memories (initially)

three full weeks of his life

the life and safety of a new friend (twice)

the life and safety of a new friend's little sister (whose erasure he witnessed)

the lives and safety of literally every person he's ever met in his lifetime (e.g. the roughly 203,500 people living in Shibuya, Tokyo in 2007-2008)

his own safety

his stable perception of reality

And eventually, upon being sent to Shinjuku...

three whole years of his life

three years of his living memory (it's unclear as to whether ANYBODY but Beat and Shiki were able to remember him)

three years he could've spent with his new friends

three years of physical touch and interaction with living humans

the rest of his already ruined health and sanity

And this was after the proxy extended his friendship and good will to Joshua, despite him being unable to forgive the atrocities committed against him during those initial weeks of the game.

This begs the question, "Is Joshua a good person?"

Well, I wouldn't say he's a great one. I'm personally not so fond of those who perform genocide as a silly thought experiment, and I don't think most people are either--however, in the context of the game, this doesn't feel true. It does not feel true that Joshua wanted to kill, or was at least ambivalent about killing, 203,500 people in one swoop. Joshua's definitely supposed to be annoying, a bit disturbing, and NOT the good guy, but he also doesn't feel like a genocidal maniac within the context of the story. He feels like an annoying little bitch, and that's for the very important reason that he needs to reasonably be comparable to Neku Sakuraba, his proxy.

Part 1: Sides of the Same Coin

Neku Sakuraba was a boy who had closed himself fully off from the world before his involvement in the Reaper's Game. He had no friends, nor did he want any, as he was under the false impression that humanity had literally nothing to offer him; to Neku, people were burdens he was forced to bear and obstacles to weather through in order to live a peaceful life. This makes him the perfect proxy for Joshua at the start of TWEWY, because Joshua was operating on nearly the exact same axis of thinking. Humanity had nothing to offer him. He thought himself above it, so he felt no real remorse at the idea of making them all go away.

The way that the two of them differ, however, is that Neku was essentially being untruthful with himself in order to maintain his fragile worldview. It took less than a full week with a kind person for his ideology to start crumbling around him. This only continued to happen when he was confronted with someone who hated people, a boy exactly like him, in week 2. Neku's time with Joshua was fraught with conflict, manipulated actions and memories, and confrontation with the existential horror of needless cruelty. It served to show that he was already displacing himself from the niche he'd wanted to fit into. Neku no longer worked as a real, proper proxy to Joshua once he started to open up to others and expand his thinking. This was only cemented when Neku started his third week learning about acts of selflessness, first with Joshua's "sacrifice", then with Beat's act of true mercy, benefiting nobody but Neku himself. Neku could no longer be a proxy to a murderer. Through Beat's actions (and Joshua's perceived death), he learned the value of human life--why someone he didn't even get along with would put himself in danger just to make sure Neku had a fighting chance.

Neku was like Joshua, but he was able to start seeing the humanity in others after spending time with only one of them. Neku is what happens when someone like Joshua deconstructs their worldview at its core, opens up to new people, makes friends, and truly gets to know them. That's the first half of the foil. In order to complete this foil, Joshua is what happens when someone like Neku does not deconstruct their worldview. While Neku was learning an ideology of trust and mutual benefit, Joshua was still viewing everything as transactional, up until the very end. He crushed what little was left of Neku's trust by proposing the shootout at the end of the game--also taking Shiki and Beat for good measure--then asked the boy he'd been emotionally and physically manipulating for weeks to kill him.

When Neku put down his gun, he was displaying an ultimate act of selflessness. Not because he thought Joshua was deserving, as he admitted through his own words that he didn't forgive Joshua for what was done to him, but because he wanted to trust that Joshua could change.

Neku had the maturity at that point to realize that he and Joshua were fundamentally the same: neither of them understood why people bothered to help each other, but Neku, crucially, had been offered a way out through Shiki, Beat, Rhyme, and a number of other side characters. At the end of the first game, Neku had learned all he needed to know about why humanity was worth saving. He even tried to extend a hand to Joshua in spite of his deep hurt, asking him to come meet him and his friends at Hachiko for a second chance. But Joshua didn't take this invitation. And by refusing his second chance, Joshua's foil with Neku was completed, leading him to a life of literal inhuman detachment as an angel.

Now, how does Neku feel about his act of mercy being rejected?

Part 2: A New Day

During the events of A New Day, we get to see Neku after an indeterminable amount of time since the Game ended, at least more than one week and less than one year. There are a few important things that get established on this day:

Neku regularly sees Beat, or at least has seen him recently, not commenting on any long separation when they get inexplicably paired up for a game

Beat has a very negative view of Joshua, exclaiming "Priss Kid!? Lemme at 'im!" when his name is first mentioned

Neku does not have major qualms about this behavior, only responding with "Wh-whoa, slow down."

When having memories of his first death, Neku's face is dark, implying that he has no fond recollection of the incident

It is implied that Neku and Beat have not seen Joshua at all since the end of the Game

Beat calls Joshua a whack-job, and Neku again has no problem with or comment on it

Beat is rude and confrontational towards Joshua during their entire conversation, and Neku has no reaction to any of it, implying his silent approval

Immediately upon returning to the RG, Neku makes plans with Shiki to hang out, and chats lightly with Beat, but shows no concern for the whereabouts of Joshua

When Neku is shot by Coco, the camera first pans to Joshua's gun, NOT Coco's, mimicking an episode of PTSD from Neku's perspective

In short, we can see what Neku is like in a world without Joshua's continued presence... and it appears that he's doing fine, minus the lingering pain of a traumatic incident. He hangs out with his friends. He talks to them, or at least to Beat, enough for him to know that Joshua has majorly wronged him. Beat's anger can be extrapolated as protective, and his anger towards Joshua is treated by both of them as justified. Neku has told Beat enough about his death and partnership with Joshua for it to be old news--old news that Beat is sympathetic about to the point of wanting to immediately wail on the angel at the first mention of his name.

So, how did Neku feel about Joshua after the first game? Based off this information, it seems like Neku had been willing to befriend Joshua for real--but treated it as a missed opportunity. He moved on with his life as normally as possible given the circumstances, and even began to consider his time with Joshua to be somewhat traumatic, at least enough that was willing to pour his feelings about it out to Beat at some point. And this, keep in mind, is before the reckoning.

Part 3: Isolation and Desolation

Isolation does funny things to people's heads. According to this article published by the Prison Policy Initiative, people who go through extended isolation or solitary confinement often experience significant changes in memory and personality; changes that are mostly permanent. It's so damaging to memory in particular that isolation physically shrinks the part of the brain that plays the biggest role in memory after too long without human interaction, and this point comes much sooner than many people realize: after only fifteen consecutive days. Beyond the sixteenth day, forced isolation is considered by the UN to be a type of psychological torture.

Neku was subjected to this torture for three consecutive years.

No breaks, no visitors, no living people. Neku was in isolation for three entire years, waiting for Joshua or anyone else to release him.

Knowing about the effects of isolation on personality, it's easy to see the ways that Neku has changed when he returns to Shibuya after his time away. Despite being warm and amicable, seemingly all smiles, it's immediately obvious to players of the original TWEWY that his personality is lacking something important--that being the trademark snarkiness that made him such a compelling narrator. He has his moments of course, but for the most part, he's very different from how he was as a young teenager. He's soft-spoken with everyone and is mostly content to trail behind Beat as he catches up on the things he'd missed in his time away. He takes less action than he used to. He's less blunt. Considering all that was happening at the time, it makes sense that Neku wasn't too talkative about his own problems, but he hardly mentions anything at all about the place he spent three years being fully, completely isolated in. He even lies to the Twisters about knowing who put him there in the first place. Neku is clearly... off. And I bet that not all of it is unintentional on the part of the developers.

A thing that we in the TWEWY fandom joke about a lot is that Neku keeps befriending his murders, but to be fair, this is actually a bit of a non-point when you think about the fact that Neku has gone through a massive, relentless trauma of total isolation. After being by himself in Shinjuku for so long, he was probably desperate enough to talk to someone for his memories of anyone to start shifting, to give him literally anything to hold onto in an attempt to keep himself alive. This is compounded with the fact that time also changes one's own perception of past traumas. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that his memory of the time before his isolation would be hazy and hard to grasp, and this goes double for anything before the Game. He remembers the important bits--the people who inspired him, the intimate moments they shared, the fear and uncertainty that plagued those weeks--but he remembers everything in its vague emotional constructs, and some of those emotions smudge onto each other. So, when he sees Joshua in NEO, he smiles.

I'm not saying that Neku is literally remembering everything improperly, but I am saying that his recollection of the Game is colored by the fact that it was the last time that he'd been with people before he was isolated. He sees his time there as more nostalgic because it was the "before" to his "after". Neku is happy to see anybody from his past at this moment; he's reeling from the experience of suddenly being around them again. Combined with Neku's general dislike for unnecessary conflict (lying to the Twisters & not telling Beat about Coco, both to avoid making a scene), and also being in the middle of something too important to be derailed with petty fighting, he decides to take Joshua's sudden appearance as comforting. He's not necessarily happy to see Joshua anymore than he's just happy to see somebody that he knows.

This is a huge contrast with how we see him thinking about Joshua in A New Day, in which nearly every mention of him is treated as negative or neutral by both Neku and Beat alike. The expected thing for Neku to do here would be to first act surprised, then roll his eyes or make an annoyed sound. But instead, he smiles and allows Joshua to stay before returning to the task at hand. Why is he glad to see the man who killed him and then rejected his friendship? Well, that's because he isn't really, or at least not to the extent that a lot of fanon content would have you believe. It only looks like that if you don't compare how he interacts with Joshua to the way he interacts with Shiki and Beat.

Neku's reunion with Beat is one of the most beautiful cutscenes in the game, full of warm light and soft expressions:

Their eyes meet, and they grasp hands, coming together in a shower of golden bubbles and sparkles. It's pure magic.

As for Neku's reunion with Shiki, it's less spectacular, but appropriately emotional and sweet:

Meanwhile, Joshua gets introduced like this:

The difference is obvious. Joshua gets almost no fanfare from the narrative, not even receiving some sort of special animation or character sprite for the moment. And though Neku does eventually crack a smile, his initial reaction is stunned and doesn't change until the whole dialogue is through. He smiles a little right after he says "Not at all, partner".

"Partner" is the word that's the most important to this reading. Neku smiles after he affirms Joshua as his partner--someone he knew and briefly traveled with before his extended isolation in Shinjuku. E.g., someone he placed trust in. Someone he used to speak to after years of not speaking to anyone. Essentially, even though Neku had little to do with Joshua after the events of the Game, and definitely doesn't get along with him... he also does want to trust him, which runs directly counter to the moment that Joshua admits he didn't trust Neku enough to release him from Shinjuku. Neku's memories are warped by years of being so fully alone that it changed his whole manner of speaking and interacting with the world. Of course he clings to a familiar face and voice, if only for a moment.

But here's exactly where that moment ends:

Neku immediately loses that smile from earlier, confronting Joshua with a deadpan expression.

He asks Joshua about a couple of loose ends. Then, when Joshua mentions that he had plans to intervene if Neku and his friends were unable to do anything, he smiles again and he asks to go home. At this point, his grand reunion with Joshua has been completed: now he knows that Joshua has little visible remorse about what he's done, but at least he also has confirmation that Joshua had been planning some kind of backup in case Neku wasn't able to pull through. Neku's demeanor was largely uncomfortable and stiff until the moment that he realized it was all going to be okay. It was only after Joshua mentioned that he would've saved the city anyway that he truly relaxed--he does trust Joshua at his word, after all. And then he decides to go home, back to Shiki and Beat, the way he'd been wanting to.

Part 4: Conclusion

Neku and Joshua's relationship is like a rubix cube: a question with a simple answer, but a method of solving so complex that the majority of people who pick it up will never finish the puzzle. Most TWEWY fans do what humans do best and slap a romantic label on it, but I think doing that and ignoring some of the other dimensions to their relationship does a bit of a disservice to the way that Neku was treated by Joshua throughout the series, regardless of whatever his true intentions may have been. It's fair to say that Neku, Shiki, and Beat are best friends--if not something much stronger--just based off the way they interact, particularly with the beautiful mundane moments we get to see between Beat and Neku in NEO as party members.

On the other hand, for Joshua, his moments are few and far in between after the original game ends, but his presence is still a lingering thread throughout Neku's life that forces him to reckon with himself again and again. He could've been like him. He didn't end up that way, and so they can't truly be close. Neku wants to remember him fondly. For a moment, he does, until he remembers who was the warden for his years-long imprisonment. They are mirrors of each other and they will each haunt each other's actions forever, with Neku as Joshua's guilty conscience and Joshua as Neku's ironic shoulder devil. I don't think they could ever be described as friends, given their history, though I do think that they'll probably meet up for coffee once a year and make incredibly intense eye contact. Neku will silently ask why Joshua did it all, and Joshua will sip from his cup without ever answering the question. Maybe both of them or neither of them truly know.

[despairforme]

congratulations on the 9 years with the spoon! any tips on sticking to writing the same character for so long without the fandom ruining them? genuinely curious!

[ ;O;//// Thank you so much anon! I'm super happy about having written him for 9 years. Thinking about all the time I've dedicated to my hobby, all the hours I've given him... Makes me happy. I'm living my best life!

I'd be happy to share some tips about sticking to a character. At least I can share what has worked for me. I can 5/5 recommend having such a long journey with a character. It's a commitment you won't regret! I'm not really sure what you mean by "the fandom ruining them", but I'll give my take anyway xD -

Picking a character that inspires you. I think this is the most important thing. I started writing Nnoitra initially because I enjoyed drawing him. He gave me a ton of inspiration for drawing, and I figured it might be the same for writing, and I was right. I'm always, ALWAYS inspired to write Nnoitra, because he is the source of my inspiration.

Writing them how YOU want, not how others want. Staying secure and confident in your portrayal is underrated. I've stayed away from discussing my portrayal (it's in my rules that I prefer not to discuss how I write him). Don't let people tell you how you should portray your muse. If they don't like the way you write them, they can give writing them a go themselves. If you disagree with popular fanon ect, then go your own way. Your muse is yours.

About mirrors / duplicates. How people deal with mirrors/duplicates of the same muse really depends on the person, I think. In my early days of writing Nnoitra, I used to block/blacklist all other Nnoitra writers, because I didn't want to see their take on Nnoitra. I was "possessive" of him, if that makes sense. Now, I'm happy to see different versions of him, and I enjoy writing with my duplicates. Seeing other people love him is wholesome to me! I wish I'd interacted with my duplicates a lot sooner, and chatted with them. Talking to duplicates and befriending them has made me more confident and comfortable, so I would personally recommend that approach.

Building friendships, navigating the community. Interacting with lots of different people, both new and old people in the fandom is important in order to get enough interactions and connections. It's pretty difficult to write a muse for many years if you don't build any rp-connections. Also, having long-term friendships with your partners is amazing. There are people on here I've known for 10 years now! It's wild! Staying AWAY from drama is also incredibly important. You don't want any negativity to be attached to your blog. You don't want to feel anxious when logging on. Don't engage with any drama. Don't comment on it, don't give your opinion, don't discuss it with anyone. You never know when someone might take something out-of-context, or how "big" even small drama can grow. If drama is going on in the fandom, I'd recommend just blacklisting it, or going offline until it dies down. If you're keeping your blog for a long time, remember that people can go back and find things you've written ages ago. Maybe that one friend you stuck up for 2 years ago really does turn out to be a scam-artist or a predator. Don't underestimate how petty people can be. They can go back and find your posts about supporting this person and bam, you're added to a do-not-interact list. Even if all you did was support your friend at the time. If you get anon hate in your inbox, block and delete the ask. You don't need that negativity on your long-term blog. IDK I like to think of my blog as a garden that I'm cultivating?? I generally keep only positive, nice things on it. Things that I can go back and look at with approval and happiness.

Branching out of the fandom. This is probably (imo) the most important thing. I don't think I would've been able to write for 9 years if I hadn't branched out of the fandom. Not because the fandom is bad. Not because it doesn't inspire me, but because the amount of plots really is limited. Having to work within the boundaries of the fandom, and with a limited amount of characters isn't sustainable for 9 years. I love canon interactions, but I can't base my whole writing on that. It's too repetitive, which brings me to my next tip -

Give yourself the plots you crave. Getting "bored" of a muse can happen if you find yourself more interested in something else. Watched a new fantasy-anime? Maybe you're really into this one pirate show. Maybe you're interested in a specific time in history. MAKE THAT AU!! I cannot recommend AUs enough!! If you want to write a pirate muse, instead of making a new muse, just make an AU for your current muse. I have over 30 AUs for Nnoitra at this point, most of them inspired from either shows I've watched or specific interests I have ( like my formula 1!au, since I'm a huge f1 fan ). Don't be afraid to reach out to people who might be interested in writing the AUs with you. Don't be afraid to write drabbles for the AUs.

A continuous story. Another tip I can give for keeping things interesting, is to have a "story" for your muse that you continue through the years. Like my Nnoitra's main verse. Everything that happens to him in that verse progresses the story. The muses he interacts with become characters in his story. I get to see him develop and have ups and downs. It's like watching your favorite show with your favorite character, and there is always a new season. 5/5.

Hope this helps! This is just some things I could think of on the top of my head. And, this is just from my personal experience! ]

[yandere-fics]

yandere alphabet for Miriel? 😢

(I can't believe it took this long for my first character to get her own alphabet, poor Miriel.)

♡ Miriel's Yandere Alphabet ♡

♡ Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get? ♡

♡ She shows her love with mostly physical affection and cuddling. She also does enjoy taking the reader shopping but that's only on non-crowded days cause she can get a bit anxious about losing you in public. Her love gets very intense, leading to fits of intense sadness and rage, though never at you, if you deny her affection. She'll start tracing your day back in her mind to see who could have made her darling deny her like this. She knows there's no way her soulmate would deny her in this way right? The best thing to do if you don't want someone to have their life ruined is to pretend you're sick when you don't want to cuddle, at least then she thinks it's her fault and goes and cries silently in between taking care of you. ♡

♡ Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling? ♡

♡ She doesn't get very messy, she never has to as the resident nepo baby. While Miriel sucks at her job, she still has a very high up position which is why she stays in the city instead of returning to her village right away. Beyond that she knows exactly who to talk to in order to ruin someone's life. The most you'll get is her lighting a fire to yours or the rivals apartment, and even then she'd be more likely to pay someone to do it, and she'd make sure you're far away when it happens. Oh no, now you need to live with her. ♡

♡ Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them? ♡

♡ Why would this softie ever say a single harsh word to her darling? If you even said one slightly negative thing about yourself, then she's crying, you could bump into something and be like, "I'm so clumsy." and she would tear up because how could you see yourself that way, you are perfect and there's nothing wrong with you, it's her fault for making her apartment so easy for you to bump into things. Or it's her fault that you're standing up in the first place, she should grab everything for you. ♡

♡ Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will? ♡

♡ Forced cuddling and kisses but Miriel isn't much for making out so it's mostly kisses on the forehead unless you initiate a make out. If you never initiate then she'll be content just holding you all the time and maybe smelling your hair sometimes. She'll also occasionally force you to wear clothes she bought for you unless you have your own very specific sense of fashion. She might try to force you to sit on her lap as she works cause work is so boring and she really needs company, she's very lonely. ♡

♡ Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? ♡

♡ It's all out there and to be honest, it's pathetic, so many of her emotions are just general sadness. Don't get me wrong, she can be happy especially if her darling is willing but most of the time you stand up from cuddling too quickly and all of a sudden you have to console her and promise that it had nothing to do with her. ♡

♡ Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back? ♡

♡ As already stated above, she would feel like someone else has forced her darling to do this or has tricked you in some way because why else would you leave your soulmate? Or she'll think she has done something wrong and isn't living up to your expectations. She'll try really hard to do better which might wind up pushing you even further away. ♡

♡ Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape? ♡

♡ She would never treat love like just a game, this is very serious and every time you try to escape she feels a part of her slowly dying. Seeing you try to leave all the time really just makes her feel inadequate as a soulmate. Elves in general are one of the weaker types and they aren't able to sense their mates feelings like others can so she feels like she wouldn't have these issues if she could just sense what you were feeling like other supernaturals in the city. ♡

♡ Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them? ♡

♡ Your worst experience would be losing all of your friends or anyone who was too close to you before, slowly they're all threatened away or given new opportunities in order to thank them for being good friends to you but that still accidentally drives them away since now they don't have time for you. Miriel doesn't hate you having friends, she'll become their friends too but even then having her around all the time sort of isolates you. You'll feel very lonely but luckily you can't be alone if she's by your side. ♡

♡ Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling? ♡

♡ Marriage, what else could she possibly want? She would likely want to take you back to her village at some point when it becomes her time to be leader. I can't imagine her ever wanting children even if you want them, she's just way too jealous and attention seeking to be willing to allow your attention to go towards anyone else, even your child, for longer than maybe an hour. ♡

♡ Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope? ♡

♡ When Miriel is jealous, she cusses a lot and her tone might get a bit snippier although she'll try to reassure you that it's not your fault as long as she isn't too jealous. If she's too jealous then she'll be mostly grumbling curse words underneath her breath until you're away from the threat. ♡

♡ Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling? ♡

♡ Very sweet and lovable, she might also be a bit stupid around you. She's dumb with emotions although she is one of the smartest yandere's in the city. She feels so many emotions when she's near you or thinking about you or anything to do with you so it makes it a bit hard to think clearly. You want to do this ridiculous thing? Sure go ahead, she won't question it as long as it doesn't involve being away from her or anything that might hurt you. ♡

♡ Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling? ♡

♡ What courting? You two are soulmates so there's no courting, she approaches you and expects you to immediately feel the bond. She will still be sweet to you once you two are together and will spoil you rotten but there's no courting phase, you two are just together from the start. ♡

♡ Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else? ♡

♡ She's very cold when she's around everyone else, mostly because she thinks humans are dumb except for you and maybe your friends, but she mostly is only around you so the only people besides you that she interacts with are her coworkers and she hates work, she really doesn't want to have to do it. ♡

♡ Naughty: How would they punish their darling? ♡

♡ What could you ever do to make her punish you? If you ever did anything then it is others who need to get punished or herself for not being good enough. That said while she doesn't intend to punish you, it does feel like punishment when she locks you in the apartment crying hysterically until your lover's quarrel ends. It also feels like a punishment when she ruins your friends lives although she really didn't mean to hurt you too, she just wanted to get rid of whoever turned you against her. ♡

♡ Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? ♡

♡ The right to privacy mostly, you can still leave the apartment but it has to be at her side or with one of your friends who she really trusts, otherwise you can really do whatever you want within reason, obviously you can't date anyone else so you don't have the freedom to choose who you want to be in a relationship with but it's not like she tells you what to wear or forces you to cut people off. She also might even let you work if you really like your job and you're not trying to run from her. ♡

♡ Patience: How patient are they with their darling? ♡

♡ Depends on your definition of patience, sure she'd never snap at her darling but if they are showing even slight hesitation in showing her affection then she might start to cry just a little bit though she'll hold it back as long as you give her the affection quickly. She does start to get a bit weird if her darling is pushing her around too much and she might want to lock you in the apartment if you push her too much but that can be fixed easily by blaming your lack of affection on someone else. ♡

♡ Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on? ♡

♡ No, elves die with their mates. Luckily elf mates are able to gain the lifespan of their partner once the bond is solidified enough so the mates rarely pass away unless they're killed or something. ♡

♡ Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go? ♡

♡ She's delusional, everything she's done is something that any good mate would do, you get one soulmate and you must do everything to ensure they're with you even if the world is trying to split you apart. She might "let you go" in the sense that if you're very firm and tell her you need some time to process the whole soulmate thing, but she'll probably be back in a week ready to start your relationship. ♡

♡ Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)? ♡

♡ It's both her entitlement as a spoiled nepo baby, and as an elf who has always been taught that she has to do everything to lock her mate down. Elves have a vague sense of who their mate will be since they're young so she always knew she'd have a human mate and she knows humans just don't fully understand so she needs to hold tight until you finally get it. ♡

♡ Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves? ♡

♡ She's screaming and crying and trying to hug and comfort you until you stop. If you isolate yourself then she'll think you must be in a bad mood because either she did something wrong or someone else hurt you so she needs to do her best to fix whatever made your mood so sour. ♡

♡ Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere? ♡

♡ She's a bit softer than an average yandere and a lot less murderous. ♡

♡ Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape? ♡

♡ Her delusionality, promise to be right back and that you're just going to the store and even if you're gone for a long time she'll feel like there's no way you would have left her although she'll likely go check if it takes too long but she won't even realize that you've run off, she'll just think someone else has taken you or tricked you away from her. Not that you could get out of the city since I'm sure the boss would notice one of her diplomates darlings is just roaming unattended and she'll be sure to send Miriel that helpful tip in exchange for more work. ♡

♡ Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling? ♡

♡ Not on purpose, she might hold onto you too hard but she'll feel so bad once she realizes and might not even want to cuddle with you for at least a day afterwards. ♡

♡ Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over? ♡

♡ Anything that Miriel has to give, she will give you. Even the most ridiculous requests can be fulfilled if you ask in the right way. She worships the ground you step on and you're just so perfect that you could punch her while you try to escape and she'd justify it as you just being scared which means someone else must of made you fear her. ♡

♡ Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap? ♡

♡ I wouldn't call it snapping but if they're with her but refuse to move in together then your apartment might get burned to the ground. This would require the perfect scenario though where you've teased Miriel or made her delusionality worse somehow. For example if you're relying on Miriel's money then she'll start to feel like you have no reason for an apartment anymore cause she'll take care of you so much better if you move in. Generally if you let Miriel take care of you even financially then she'll snap quicker. ♡

♡ Zenith: Would they ever break their darling? ♡

♡ She might ruin the lives of everyone around you which might break you depending on how close you were to those people but beyond that she's relatively nice enough to not break her darling although their dreams might get crushed if they aren't careful to placate her all the time. ♡

[snarky-synesthete]

Hi, I read in one of your posts that you "almost have a masters degree in motivating the unwilling" and I just wanna say please. Halp. I'm ruining my life by being the way I am and I can't stop. Everybody talks about my "immense potential" and how it's "such a waste of intelligence" for me to be the way that I am. I'm honestly drowning.

Oh wow. If I had a dollar for every time somebody told me that, I'd be able to afford a life coach for my ownself, lol. I have a pretty significant little alphabet soup of disorders to my name, but I didn't get diagnosed with any of them until my early 30s. What that means is that I had to find ways to compensate for my shitshow of a brain, so I have a lot of tips and tricks. I'm currently working on my doctorate as well, so I'm doing lots of research around mental heath, focusing on teen mental health since I work with teens every day.

First off, you're not ruining your life. You're just living it. Your life isn't something that needs to be put through the wash and purified. It is what it is, and you are who you are. The fact that you're here and breathing and *wanting* to improve are already wonderful things. You're doing okay. ^_^

Next, think about what you want your life to look like. This is a good journalling prompt. There's no wrong way to do this. You can get really specific, right down to the new furniture you'd like to fill your space with; you can have just big picture stuff: "I want to survive high school" or "I want to wake up looking forward to the day." Try to think in positive terms rather than negative. I don't mean "I want to feel happy!" necessarily: but think of things with positive *action*: instead of "I don't want to feel miserable," which is a negative, something you want to subtract from your life, think of a positive: "I want to feel better," "I want to re-connect with an old hobby," "I want to start a diary," things like that. It's easier, sometimes, for our weird monkey brains, if we start off *adding* something new instead of *stopping* something old...even if the "something old" is part of what makes us miserable.

For example, a lot of people want to stop smoking. Quitting cold-turkey is possible, sure, but it's a god-awful experience. Instead of thinking of it as "subtracting" smoking, a better approach would be to ADD something new that can slowly start taking its place. An example in this scenario would be to add in another oral treat you enjoy (I see your mind in the gutter, hello, nice place!) that can take the place of just one smoke a day. A really nice chocolate truffle, or some spicy crunchy chips, or a fancy lollipop. That way, your brain isn't necessarily feeling a *deprivation* or the lack of something it has come to expect, but you're still lowering your daily nicotine consumption.

So that might be the easiest way to start. Look at any habits you might have that don't make you feel good, or that you don't want to carry with you into your future. I don't want to call them "bad habits" because that implies a judgment call, which I am NOT qualified to make about your lived experiences. Obviously, that habit served its purpose for you at some point! But if it's no longer serving you, try to slowly replace it with something that does. Think of it as a shift rather than a removal, and your brain will tolerate the change more easily.

If you wanna get more specific, feel free to DM me, @justanexistentialcrisisnbd ^_^