#abuela but my great grandmother is abuelita :]

[spanishskulduggery]

I'm looking for age appropriate inclusive vocabulary for my high school classroom. We talk about families and romantic relationships and many of my sources are, shall we say, more "traditional." Any thoughts on vocabulary I can include?

In many family situations, the vocabulary is extremely binary. You'll often find that masculine plural is the default for groups.... like los padres "parents", los hijos "children", and los

el padre = father el papá = dad, father papi = daddy

la madre = mother la mamá = mom, mother mami = mommy

los padres = parents [depending on context, los padres could be "fathers" as in two dads, or las madres "mothers" as in "two mothers"; in general Spanish this also shows up when discussing "fathers" and "mothers" but not necessarily same-sex couples]

el padrastro = stepfather

la madrastra = stepmother

You also sometimes see it shortened to pá and má for "dad" and "mom"

el hijo = son

la hija = daughter

los hijos = children / sons

las hijas = daughters

el hermano = brother

la hermana = sister

mayor = elder, older hermano mayor = older/elder brother hermana mayor = older/elder sister

menor = younger hermano menor = younger brother hermana menor = younger brother

hijo/a único/a = only child

los hermanos = siblings / brothers

las hermanas = sisters

el hermanastro = stepbrother

la hermanastra = stepsister

adoptado/a = adopted

biológico/a = biological de sangre = blood-related [lit. "of/by blood"]

Also be aware that "half-brother" and "half-sister" are frequently either medio hermano / media hermana... or sometimes it gets used as hermanastro/a even though that's typically "stepsibling"; the idea behind the -astro/a endings is that they imply you're related, but not fully by blood so there is some overlap in places

Often the younger siblings are called hermanito or hermanita but it can just be a term of endearment like "bro" and "sis"

el abuelo = grandfather

la abuela = grandmother

los abuelos = grandparents

el nieto = grandson

la nieta = granddaughter

los nietos = grandchildren

el bisabuelo = great-grandfather

la bisabuela = great-grandmother

el bisnieto = great grandson

la bisnieta = great granddaughter

el tío = uncle

la tía = aunt

el primo = cousin (m)

la prima = cousin (f)

el sobrino = nephew

la sobrina = niece

el tío abuelo = great uncle

la tía abuela = great aunt

Also, tatarabuelo/a is "great-great-grandparent"... and you sometimes see a tátara (or sometimes ta) added over and over again for "great-great-great" etc.

The bis- implies "two times" or "twice down/away", and tátara means "carried over"

You will also see people say abuelito or abuelita for "granddad" or "grandma" / "granny" / "nana" etc etc. The diminutives are used to show affection

And depending on where you are you might see titi or tita for "auntie" and tito for "uncle" in affectionate terms

el amigo = friend [m]

la amiga = friend [f]

el novio = boyfriend / groom (in a wedding) / newlywed [m]

la novia = girlfriend / bride (in a wedding) / newlywed [f]

el esposo = spouse / husband

la esposa = spouse / wife

el marido = husband

la mujer = wife [lit. "woman"; not a sexist thing to say mi mujer "my wife", it's super common and doesn't read as misogynistic]

el / la ex = ex el ex-marido / ex marido = ex-husband la ex-mujer / ex mujer = ex-wife

el padrino = godfather

la madrina = godmother

el compadre = a man's best male friend [lit. "co-father"; it can be "my bro" kind of vibe, or it can just be a trusted male friend who is possibly the godfather]

la comadre = a woman's best female friend [lit. "co-mother"; it can be just "friend" or "girlfriend" in English, but it's often implied to be a very close female friend and possibly a godmother]

el suegro = father-in-law

la suegra = mother-in-law

el yerno = son-in-law

la nuera = daughter-in-law

casado/a = married casar(se) = to marry, to get married recién casado/a, los recién casados = newlywed, just married

divorciado/a = divorced divorciar(se) = to divorce, to get divorced

Again, very standard things. I will say that novio/a is sometimes other things in certain countries. I believe in some countries in South America "boyfriend/girlfriend" can be pololo/a but standard Spanish understands novio/a... it's just that novio/a has different translations in English depending on if it's just someone you're dating vs. you're actually at the wedding

Additional Vocab:

familiar = related to the family, "family" but an adjective

los familiares = family members

los parientes = relatives

la familia política = in-laws [family connected by marriage, not by blood]

In particular be aware of político/a because it comes out as "by marriage"... as an example un tío político means "uncle by marriage"

Some people will say mi hijo político as another word for yerno aka "son-in-law"; and some people would just say hijo "son"

-

Note: For relationships, the most gender-neutral term is la pareja "partner"; literally it means "pair" but it's unisex and not specifically same-sex. You do see people say es mi pareja "he/she is my partner" among heterosexual couples too, and it functions the same as novio/a

But be aware that la pareja can also be "couple" or "pair" when talking about two people together

-

I don't know how inclusive you can really be in terms of gendered language in some of these cases; standard Spanish will tell you that the plural masculine is inclusive

In some circles, people have begun to use the -e suffix for gender-neural or non-binary; so like hermane in that context would read as a gender neutral "sibling"...... but in common practice you'd say hermanos o hermanas "brothers or sisters"

You're likely to see more use of -e going forward in Spanish, but traditional Spanish adheres more towards the binary

The E is more common among the younger generation and online communities and in the queer community at large; in the US people may use X or Latinx but despite its origin being Latin America, people from Latin America see Latinx as largely a US-Hispanic-American thing and not representing them; there has been some push to use latines instead... also because for whatever reason the X doesn't do well in text to speech programs so "Latinx" isn't always accessible for certain populations

But the idea is still executed easily. Still, it's not so mainstream yet, the language authorities tend to go slowly on this so I would assume it'll be a few years before it's even recognized... so I can't say it's going to be accepted everywhere as standard Spanish

[sithlord1016-blog]

Momma Yoda

As your sickness ravaged you day by day.

I could see the realities of the future.

A week before you departed.

I told you in your ear.

I love you.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for raising me.

I love you so much.

Know how much I love you and greatful I am.

Forgive me if at any time I ever was a bad grandson.

On your final day on this Earth.

I stroked your silver hair for hours.

I kissed you endlessly on your forehead.

You held my son's hand.

And you left us to go forward into the great unknown.

I love you and our adventures are etched in my mind and my soul.

Our moments and no one else's. How we laughed. So many stories that only you and I were the stars of, you and I shared, and we were the only audience to witness these moments.

I miss you sweet lady.

I love you old gal.

If you are here give me a sign that you are okay.

I await for you to come in my dreams.

When my time comes to journey to the inevitable, I hope you are there to show me that astral world.

I love you.

[detective-giggles]

(Grand)mother Knows Best

So this fic is going to be a double prompt fill. I started this LAST YEAR for my entry for the Barisi Professions bingo! This is my “Sonny-as-a-nurse” AU.  Now for Flufftober, I have FINALLY finished it and I’m using it for Day 7: Meddling Friends (I mean, technically she’s family but...) Also, please note: No grandmothers were harmed in the making of this fic. Thanks to @moderateshouting for giving me this idea (forever ago). And, thank you to @sarahcakes613 for the beta!

WC:1,461

***

Sonny sighed as he poked at his food. A big pan of homemade lasagna always sounded great in theory, but by the third day, the novelty was gone and he was checking his watch to see if he still had time to run to the bodega on the corner. He had almost decided on Funyuns and a Mountain Dew-the dinner of champions-when someone tapped him on the arm. 

“May I join you?”

“Huh? Oh, of course, Mrs. Diaz.” He shifted and prepared to stand, “do you need help?”

“No,” she waived him off and took a seat at the picnic table across from him, “I’m not as helpless as my grandson thinks.”

Sonny smiled kindly, “I’m sure he doesn’t think that, Mrs. Diaz.”

“I would have been just fine in my apartment,” she insisted.

“And how many flights of stairs was that?” Sonny asked.

She huffed and rolled her eyes. “You sound just like him, you know?” Sonny chuckled as he rummaged through his lunch bag. Residents were always telling him he reminded them of their sons or grandsons. It was a compliment.  He hoped. “You seem like a nice boy. I bet you’d never stick your abuela in a place like this.”

Sonny shrugged and took a bite from an apple. “I couldn’t afford to stick my nonna in a place like this.”

“You’re always here on Fridays. Saturdays too.  A handsome young man like you... your wife doesn’t mind you leaving her home alone all weekend?”

“Mrs. Diaz-”

“Catalina. Please, call me Catalina.”

“Catalina, you know I’m not married,” Sonny sighed.

“Do you want to be?” 

Sonny opened his mouth and then closed it, clearing his throat. He sipped from his water bottle to stall and settled for a casual shrug. Personal questions weren’t entirely unusual, but they were usually followed up with an attempt at setting him up with someone’s granddaughter (or once, someone’s daughter), and Sonny wasn’t interested.  “Someday. If I find the right person.” 

“You’re not going to find her in here,” Catalina stage-whispered. “Unless you like older women?”

Sonny laughed, “you’re half right. But I won’t be finding her anywhere.” He glanced at his watch, missing the scheming grin on Catalina’s face.  He pulled a couple chocolate chip cookies from his bag. “My lunch break is almost over. You want to help me eat these?”

“No. Eat them both. You’re too skinny.”

Sonny laughed. “Now you sound like my nonna!”

Catalina stood slowly and put her hand on Sonny’s forearm. “Well, she’s right. Just keep in mind, us nonnas know what we’re doing.” She gave his arm a pat and Sonny watched as she slowly made her way back inside.

***

“Abuelita! Como esta?” Rafael wrapped Catalina in a hug and kissed her cheek. “Hola Mami.” He held up a small bunch of yellow and orange flowers and Catalina beamed.

“They’re beautiful, Rafi.” He pulled a vase from the cupboard and helped clip the ends of the stems while Catalina filled the vase with water.

“Rafael, come sit. I’m going to make coffee and I was just telling your mother abou-”

“No, I can’t stay long. I have meetings this afternoon.”

“You work too much, Rafi. You need to relax, have a little fun once in a while. Speaking of fun, you should meet-”

“I have fun!” Rafael insisted. “And I relax.”

“But Rafael, I have someone I need you to meet.”

Rafael chuckled, “I just had a few minutes, and I thought I’d stop by. I can meet your friends next time, okay?” Catalina shot Lucia a look, and Lucia shook her head, clearly not wanting to get involved in whatever her mother had planned.

“You’ll let me introduce you to Sonny then?”

“Si. I’ll come back later this weekend,” Rafael promised. “I’ll even bring you dinner. Just tell me when.”

Catalina exchanged another glance with Lucia. “Friday night, in the courtyard. Is eight-thirty late enough?”

Rafael sighed. “Yes. I’ll see you then.”

***

Knock knock

“Good morning, Mrs. Diaz.” Sonny popped his head into her room.

“Oh, Sonny! Come in, come in! You remember my daughter, Lucia, right?”

“I do. Good morning.  Mrs. Diaz, I can’t stay today, I’m not working in this wing. I just stopped by for my word of the day.”

“Oh right. Let’s see.  Abogado.”

“Abogado? What does that mean?”

“Lawyer.”

“Ah.” Sonny looked thoughtful. “I’m sensing a theme with the words this week.  Is your grandson a lawyer, by chance?”

“Si, y muy guapo.”

Lucia’s eyes widened as she realized what Catalina was up to.  “Mother! You leave him alone!” she hissed, turning towards Sonny. “I’m sorry, please don’t listen to her.”

Sonny chuckled. “It’s okay. And I will google that one. You ladies have a good afternoon.”

“Oh, Sonny. Are you working this Friday?”

“I always do.” Sonny called over his shoulder.

***

Sonny settled in at his usual picnic table. He scanned the courtyard before pulling out his phone. When he looked up a few minutes later, there was a slightly older man, in a very expensive suit, standing nearby. He had a plastic bag in his hands, take-out Sonny assumed, and he appeared to be looking for someone.

“Can I help you?” Sonny called out.

“Um, maybe? I’m supposed to be meeting my grandmother for dinner.”

“Dinner is in the dining room between four and six-thirty,” Sonny replied.

“Oh. She said she eats out here on Fridays. At eight-thirty?”

“No. Just me.”

“What?”

“I take my lunch break out here-alone-from eight-fifteen to nine. Every Tuesday through Saturday.”

The man rolled his eyes. “Great. Now she’s...confused?”

Sonny cocked his head to the side, “Wait. I know that eye-roll.” He looked around and then up, catching Catalina staring down at them from her window.  “We’ve been set up. She’s watching us.” He gestured for the other man to sit, and he did, joining Sonny at the wooden table.

“Set up?”

“Tricked. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled.”

He blinked as the realization set in. “Oh, Dios mio.”

“I’m guessing you’re Rafael. The, what was it? The abogado guapo I’ve been hearing so much about lately.”

“Fuck me,” he muttered. “You must be the blue-eyed rayo de sol she mentioned on the phone the other day. I’m sorry, I don’t remember if she mentioned your name.”

“It’s Sonny.” Rafael blinked again, and Sonny felt the need to clarify, “I mean, it’s Dominick, but no one calls me that.”

“No, it’s just. She literally described you as a ray of sunshine.”

Sonny grinned, his dimples on full display. “I try.”

Rafael sighed, “Well, I am sorry she let me bother you. I will go tell her to keep her nose out of your business.”

“You don’t have to do that. I think it’s kind of sweet, actually.”

“Embarrassing. Embarrassing is the word you’re looking for.”

“She just wants you to-” he stopped short. “Look, I’m the only grandson, so my nonna adores me... But she still tries to set me up with every single woman on Staten Island, you know? At least yours cares enough to get it right. I mean, she hasn’t been wrong about anything yet.”

“Don’t tell her that.” Rafael thought for a moment. “Well, I guess if I’m not eating with my abuelita and she did go through all the trouble of introducing us... will you at least have dinner with me?”

“Um, yeah. I would like that. Thank you.” He watched as Rafael unpacked the food, handing him a small box. “I was beginning to wonder if you actually existed.” Sonny admitted. “I mean, you were sounding too good to be true. And then she kept insisting that I had just missed you.”

“Too good to be true, huh?” Sonny shrugged and laughed. “Well, you already know what my grandmother thinks about me. Tell me about yourself?”

Sonny talked as they ate and occasionally Rafael interjected with an anecdote of his own. Sonny was loud, he talked with his hands, and he laughed at his own jokes, and yet Rafael was intrigued. He was surprised to find himself actually enjoying the company of the younger man, and hoped Sonny felt the same.

“Oh... hey, I have to get back to work. But, um, this was nice.”

“Is she still watching us?” Rafael asked. Sonny glanced up and then nodded. “Then I guess I should be on my best behavior. But would you like to go on a proper date with me sometime?”

“Yes,” Sonny stood and gave Rafael his phone number. “Maybe you can come over and I’ll cook something, sometime?”

“Sure. I’ll call you. It was nice meeting you, Sonny.”

“Yeah, you too. Have a good night, Rafael.” Sonny turned and as he made his way back into the building, he caught sight of Catalina’s triumphant grin.

tags: @flufftober2021 @beardsanddetectives @itsjustmyfantasyroom @moderateshouting

[navalcriminalimagines]

Comfort zone - 6

Tag list (if you want to be tag, just let me know!): @madpanda75 @zombz78 @zoeykaytesmom @mommakat32 @hannahlouise98 @imaginecrushes @cold-blooded-girls @sweetsummertime99 @solleblu @somewhatcarisi

Rafael never expected this many people to be at his abuela’s funeral. They all knew her but most of them were not very close to Catalina during her last years. “Hypocrites,” he muttered to himself. However, he certainly expected his ex-fiancée and former best friend to be there, not that he liked that idea. Walking to the Church, Lucia holding her son’s arm while you simply stood on his other side. When he stopped walking, you and his mother did too, “Mijo?” she wondered. He gave her a quick look before turning his attention on you, “Do you mind pretending you’re my fiancée?” he asked. This doesn’t look like the Rafael you first met, even Lucia was confused. “I don’t feel like answering too many questions, explain my life and my choices. Not today, and I know all these people are here to know the latest news,” he sighed, “I wish I could throw all them out, they didn’t care about abuelita when she was still there,” Nervous and sad Rafael is a very talkative Rafael.

“Where’s my diamond, then?” you simply smiled to calm him. He returned your soft smile and was about to give you a good reason to tell if someone asked, but Lucia was faster. She got closer to you and Rafael, making sure no one could see her taking off her ring and putting it on your finger. You let her do but searched for Rafael’s expression.

“Mamí, that’s-” he went to say.

“That was my mother’s, there’s no better engagement ring, right?” she gently smiled at her son.

“Lucia, I don’t-” her look was enough to make you shut up. Still holding your hand, she brought it to Rafael’s. His long and thin fingers intertwined with yours, with his grandmother’s ring in the middle. “Thank you,” he mouthed at you.

Pretending to be Rafael’s fiancée wasn’t that hard but he made it even easier. The few times you were not looking for a physical contact with him, he was with you. And it seemed natural. The least expecting contact was when his lips fell on yours. And the weirdest part was that it wasn’t to prove a point to someone. Well, actually, “What kind of couple about to get married, doesn’t kiss?” he said. That’s the only thing you pretended that day; buy his explanation.

It’s only on the ride back to Manhattan that you checked your phone. You had a few missed calls from work and texts from Sonny.

[From Sonny] : Thinking of you for today. Give Barba my sympathy. Love!

[From Sonny] : I hope everything is okay. When are you coming back to Manhattan?

[From Sonny] : Should I worry to not hear from you? Text me when you read this, pls

[From Sonny] : Thanks to barba for texting Lieu so I know you’re okay. I’m cooking for Amanda and Jesse tonight. See ya at work

“Did you text Liv?” You asked Rafael after taking off and reading Sonny’s texts.

“Yes, SVU can’t do anything without me,”

“I heard Cabot and Novak were very great ADA before you,” you teased to let go all of the troubles of the day. It felt good to hear him chuckle.

“Yeah-yeah” he gestured his hand, “But I have something they don’t,”

“Oh? What?” You asked. But Rafael didn’t think it through before speaking so he searched for a reasonable thing to say but he couldn’t find one.

“A— penis?”

That was the least expecting thing you thought he would say. But he did and you laughed.

“Damn, you do have a penis? I honestly couldn’t tell,”

Rafael wanted to keep going on that game but a part of what he wanted to answer was true. You couldn’t find what about it. He didn’t want a joke and his sass to betray him. Which is a big part of why he acts differently with you, especially those past weeks. He thought being natural and casual with you couldn’t let you realize he was in love with you.

“No answer?” you added after a silence, “I’m very disappointed in you, Rafael Esteban.” The look of his face was too priceless, you regretted not to record it so you could look at it over and over. Your laugh field the car, while Rafael’s mouth was still forming a perfect “o”. Esteban is a nice middle name but Rafael hates it and he worked hard to hide it, in his professional life so nobody would find out. And his own mother betrayed him.

“Yup, tu mamí,” you spoke again. “She told me you hate it but come on Rafi, it’s a nice name. Very Cuban,”

Coming out of your perfect lips, he actually loved hearing his middle name. Just like he loves when you say Spanish word and calls him Rafi. His mind went on thinking about what it would sound like to hear you say Papí. To him. In bed. While he fucks your senseless.

“Did you swallow your tongue?” You asked.

He turned his face to you and smiled. You exchanged looks between him and the road, trying to figure out what he was thinking about. “What?! Come on, talk! That’s creepy,” you exclaimed.

“Do you realize how amazing you are, Y/N?” The surprise of his words made you lose control of the car for a second, you freaked out briefly but Rafael didn’t react, still staring at your profile.

“How many scotches did you drink, Rafi?”

“Not so many to be drunk or even dizzy but enough to tell you this. There are so many things I wished I would have said to abuelita. And before that, to my father. And I don’t want to do the same thing with my mum or- you,”

“Why me?”

“Because I care about you. More than you think, Y/N,” he paused, “but hey, I get it, you’re in love with Carisi and I don’t want to be a problem for you. I want you to be happy even if it’s with him- or Jeff or someone else. I just want you to know that you make my life better and you make me better,”

You definitely lost control of your car this time. You stared at Rafael for too long, and before you knew it, you hit the car in front of yours. Thankfully, you were not going too fast and the shock wasn’t too hard. You felt dizzy but it’s either because of the accident or Rafael’s declaration. Nobody was hurt, but the other driver was very angry. He yelled at you for breaking his car and then he yelled at Rafael for letting you drive. “A woman shouldn’t drive,” apparently. This made Rafael sarcastically laughing but not you, he saw your jaw clenching and your fists turning white. “My bad, she’s so beautiful I can’t get my hands off her. You know what it is— or maybe you don’t. I mean, I don’t see how a woman could be interested in you,”

The man was about to punch Rafael but you stood in the way and locked his arms before he was able to touch a hair of Rafa. You pressed him against his car, holding his arm in his back to hurt him. “Wanna have a stop in jail for assault on an Assistant District Attorney?”

“What?” the man realized he could be in trouble, “O-okay, let’s forget about the accident, huh? Nothing happened,” he said, scared.

You heard Rafael laughing and you let the idiot go, “Have a nice evening,” your friend said. You checked your car quickly, there are some repairs to do but you could still make it to Manhattan.

“When I said I didn’t want to be a problem for you, I wasn’t asking for you to kill me,” he joked but like you already told him before, love isn’t a game to you.

“Sorry- but I wasn’t expecting to hear you say something like this,”

He thought before talking, “You can pretend I didn’t say a thing. I don’t mind, hermosa,”

“How could I?”

*

Rafael offered you to stay over for the night but you gently refused. You needed to be alone right now, to think about everything that is going on and for the past two months. Breaking up with Jeff and not hearing for him at all, Sonny and now Rafael. And between all of this, your mother reappeared and you learnt you had a sister. How could your life become this?

In front of your door apartment, your mother was waiting for you. You didn’t bother to greet her, you didn’t smile. “Not happy to see me,” she said.

“Why would I be?” You stopped next to her and didn’t open your door. You didn’t want to invite her in.

“I guess apologies won’t be enough?”

“No chance in hell,”

“Listen, I know you hate me and I understand but you have to help your sister. She is depressed, broken and I don’t know what to do,”

“Sorry to hear that but I’m a cop, not a therapist. All I can do is to find who did this to her,”

“And do you plan on doing that by taking a day off?”

“Excuse me?” you interjected.

“Your coworkers came to see us! I asked about you and they told me you were not working today,”

You wanted to answer, gave her a lot of explanations, to tell her everything you had on your chest but you were too tired to do it. You didn’t have the courage to go there.

“Listen, my coworkers will do everything they can to help Lacey, I can assure that. Now, I’m pretty tired and I would like to be alone,” you confessed, hoping she would leave.

“So, nobody is waiting for you in there? Not even Jeff?”

“Goodbye mother,”

You got into your apartment and left your mother behind. With a bottle of wine, Friends on tv, some ice cream, you curled under your blanket and tried to forget about everything. What is happening with Rafael? Why are you uncontrollably attracted to him? You can’t help, when he is around, you feel something you can’t explain. But Sonny? What is it with him? Are you really in love with him? What is love actually? You loved Jeff, obviously, but it was casual. You’ve always known him, he always been there, especially when your father got sick and then died. What would you have done without him? What is love or just fear to be alone again? Maybe you just stayed with him to be with someone, cause no one else was there?

A terrible headache forced you to lay down in the dark and you fell asleep eventually. When the alarm rang, you shut it off, telling yourself just five more minutes. But it turned into a few hours, until someone knocked at your door. Liv was standing there and let herself in when you opened. “Liv, What- what time is it?” you asked, confused.

“11. Everyone worried about you, are you okay?” She wondered, concerned about your mental health. .

“Yeah, it’s just- I was too tired I’m sorry. I’m gonna take a shower and come to work,”

“Y/N, are you sure you don’t need a few days off? I can see you’re going through a lot, maybe you need to leave the city?”

You sat on a chair and invited your boss to join you. You sighed before answering, “To go where? With who? My work is the only sure thing I have right now, I don’t-“

“This job is already hard enough, and I can’t let my detectives come to work depressed and anxious,”

“I’m not-“ you started to interjected but Liv raised her hand.

“I read your file, Y/N. I know your struggles in the past, are you taking medication again?”

“No, absolutely not! And I don’t want to!”

“I want you to have medical exam,”

“What? Don’t you trust me when I say I’m not taking anything?” You stood up, angry at your boss, your hands started to shake.

“It’s not about the pills but your mental health. If the shrink clear you, then you come back. If not- well, we’ll see.” You were out of words. Just tears came out. “You’re a good detective, Y/N. But you should ask yourself if you’re mentally strong enough for it.”

And she just left.

[obfuscateyummy]

Watch Your Back part 10!

Life got crazy, I got unmotatived, but HI PART 10 IS HERE. 

I do not apologize for stabbing you in the feels. 1606 words.

Thank you for all your feedback & support, you guys are THE BEST. I can’t describe how much you mean to me.

*slight disclaimer for this and the next few parts: a lot of the medical stuff i am mentioning is what I know/learned from ER and Google. If anything is completely inaccurate let me know ;)*

“Mami? Why are you crying?” Macee said a half hour later, as she sat on Rafael’s lap while he held your hand.

“It hurts,” you said as you gripped Rafael’s hand a little tighter as the contractions were getting stronger.

Your mother and Lucia walked through the door at the same time. “Abuela! Abuelita!” Macee got off Rafael’s lap and ran to her grandmothers.

“Thank god,” you said as the contraction stopped. You put a hand over your stomach and Rafael kissed your forehead.

“You’re amazing, Y/N,” he said

“What did the doctor say, Mija?” Cesaria asked.

“She said it will probably be quick,” you said as you looked at Rafael with tears in your eyes.

“Do they know anything else?” Lucia asked.

“He’ll probably be in the NICU for a few days,” you said as the tears started to fall.

“Cariño, please, don’t cry. He’s going to be okay,” Rafael said as he kissed away your tears.

You screamed as you held Rafael’s hand tighter, “Rafael! GO get the..”

You didn’t have to finish the sentence as Dr. Rasgotra entered the room, “Okay let me check you out...Oh, wow, it’s almost go time.”

Your mothers and Macee left the room and Rafael gripped your hand tight. He kissed your knuckles and whispered “I love you,” in your ear.

—

After 40 minutes later, Dr. Rasgotra said, “Okay, Mrs. Barba, on the count of 3 one more push, and you will have your son in the world,”

You looked at Rafael as you started crying, and pushed with all you could and heard your son’s cries fill the room.

“He’s okay right?” You said as you cried.

Rafael kissed your forehead, “He looks wonderful, Cariño, you did it,”

You were waiting for a response from the doctor, the 15 seconds felt like an eternity, “Dr. Rasgotra,” you finally said.

“5 pounds 1 oz, and 19 inches long. It’s standard procedure we take him to the NICU until his temperature is regulated and until we make sure he can feed normally,” she said as she wrapped him in a blanket. She brought him over to you, “Meet your mommy, Emiliano,” she said as she placed him in your arms.

“Hi baby Emiliano, I’m your Mami and this handsome guy is your Papi,” you said as you gestured towards Rafael.

“He’s so tiny,” Rafael said as he looked down at Emiliano.

Dr. Rasgotra took him from you, “We have to take him to the NICU now, and you need rest. You can visit him anytime,” she said.

You instantly started sobbing and Rafael held your head to him, while he stroked your hair, “He’s going to be okay, mi amor, it’s okay,”

“I just want to go see him,” you said between the tears.

“You need to rest,” he said as he kissed your forehead. “Sleep for about an hour, I’ll take our Mamis to meet him. And I will be there when you wake up I love you.”

“I don’t want to sleep, I want to see our son!” You said to Rafael as your eyes fluttered open and shut.

“I know, mi amor. I won’t leave his side until you get there. You can’t keep your eyes open, just rest,” he said as he kissed you.

“I love you,” you said as his lips left yours and you were asleep instantly.

—-

You awoke several hours later and saw your brother in the room with you.

“Hey sis,” he said.

“Hey,” you mumbled.

“How are you feeling?” Nick said as he put he moved your hair out of your face.

You didn’t respond, you just looked the other way. You had no idea how to respond.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Nick said.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that!” You screamed as you started crying.

“Move over,” Nick said as you moved over in the hospital bed and Nick sat next to you. He placed your head on his lap while you cried. “It’s okay, tell me what’s going on, okay?”

You sat up and looked at Nick, “My husband almost died. YOU almost died. Then Emiliano….He’s still okay, right? Nick, please tell me he’s okay.”

“He’s perfect besides the fact he looks like Rafael,” Nick said. You smiled, “Hey, there it is, there’s your smile.”

“I’m the worst sister ever because I never asked how you were doing,” you said.

“I’m great. Don’t worry about me,” Nick said as he kissed your forehead.

“You got shot,” you said.

“You birthed a child,”

“You saved my husband’s life,” you said. “Nick...I..” you stopped. You didn’t know exactly what to say.

“I told you, I wasn’t going to let him die. Have I ever broken a promise to you?” Nick asked.

“No,”

“And I didn’t plan on starting now,” Nick said.

“Where is everyone?” You finally asked.

“Rafael, he hasn’t left Emiliano’s side, expect when he had to come deal with a Macee meltdown,” you laughed, “He’s in there with Lucia. Mom and Sonny went to go get some dinner, and took Macee with them,”

“Let me guess, they’re going to get her chicken nuggets,” you said as you laughed.

“You know your child too well,” Nick said.

“I want to see him,” you said as you looked at Nick.

“Let’s go,” he said as he walked with you down the hallway to the NICU.

—-

“I can’t get over how tiny he is,” Rafael said as he stroked Emiliano with his pointer finger.

“He will grow,” Lucia said.

“I feel like I caused this, Mami. I put her under too much stress,” Rafael said as he started to feel the tears well in his eyes.

“Everything happens for a reason, Rafi. You tried to protect her from the stress, and if you had to do it again, you’d do it the same. It’s like you told Macee earlier, it’s not forever. He will be healthy soon,” Lucia said.

“If anything happens to him, I won’t be able to live with myself,” Rafael said unaware that you walked into the NICU.

“Nothing is going to happen to him, Rafi. Think positive,” Lucia reminded her son.

Emiliano grabbed Rafael’s finger. “He’s already got a grip. You’re so strong mi pequeño milagro,”

“Giving him a nickname already?” You asked as you wrapped your arms around Rafael from behind.

“Hey you,” Rafael said as he kissed your cheek. “How was your rest? How long have you been here?”

Before you could answer, Lucia smiled at the two of you, “I’m going to give you guys some time alone with him,”

“How is he?” You asked as your head rested on Rafael’s shoulder.

“He’s doing great. They have to make sure he can eat on his own before we take him home. It will be a few days. Here,” Rafael said as he moved his finger from Emiliano’s grip, “Come get to know your son. Our son. Our pequeño milagro,”

You hesitated putting your hand in.

“Y/N..it’s okay, he won’t bite. Well, not yet,” Rafael said trying to make you smile. When you cracked a smile, you could feel him smiling at you too. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you said as you put a your hand into the incubator. You put a finger on Emiliano’s hand, which he instantly grasped. Rafael wrapped his arms around your hips.

You have no idea how long you stood there like that until you heard a voice call Rafael and yourself from behind “Mr. and Mrs. Barba?” The nurse asked as you and Rafael turned around. “We are going to have to ask you to leave, it’s shift change.”

You pulled your finger away as you whispered, “Te Amo, Emiliano,”

“We will be back so soon,” Rafael said.

When the two of you walked out of the NICU, you stood and stared at the door.

“It’s only until we can take him home, it won’t be long. He’s a fighter already. He’s stronger than he was just a few hours ago,” Rafael said as he grabbed your hand.

“It’s not fair,” you said as you looked down at your feet. “Why? Why Rafael? Everything was easy with Macee, and now..” You started crying and Rafael pulled you to his chest as he rubbed your back.

“Shh, Cariño, it’s okay. I got you,” he said.

“It’s not fair. I want to hold our son, I want to be able to feed him. Why is this happening, Rafi? It’s not fair. It’s my fault.”

“Macee had this same meltdown today, and do you know what I told her?” Rafael asked as he lifted your head to meet his eyes. “I told her, Emiliano couldn’t wait to meet us. He wanted to meet us so bad, he came into the world before he was ready, and if he doesn’t stay there, he will get sick. It’s not forever, Cariño. I know this is hard, especially for you, but it’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. These things happen mi amor. Stop being hard on yourself. You’re the best Mami, and the only one I want raising our kids,”

You smiled at him, “Did you really just compare me to our three year old?”

“Is that all you took away from that?” Rafael asked.

“Honestly, I thought you were giving a closing argument and I zoned out,” Rafael frowned before you laughed, “I”m kidding, Raf,”

He shared a laugh with you, “How about we go see that 3 year old I compared you too,” Rafael said as he took your hand and you walked to the waiting room.

TAGS: @serendiptious-esparza @whatmarisays @dreila03 @eggo-poppy @lyssa1385 @madpanda75 @fall-out-harto @sonnysdoll @childofbarisi @sweetsummertime99 @santa-feigh @sleepylunarwolf @damedoctoroftardis @reids-girl31699

[luckycheesefoodie321]

OK!!! So Coco... (major spoilers)

It took me longer than I thought but I finally watched Coco, and right off the bat, would give it a 9/10... (this is gonna be a long one if anyone cares to check out my irrelevant opinion) Explaining the 1/10 is quicker so that can go first:

How ridiculously obstinate the grandmother was and then the family just automatically following her lead. I thought, yes ok, I can understand why Mama Imelda didn’t want any association with music (despite having loved it so dearly and loving the man with whom she associated it with so dearly), and wanted her daughter to forget about her father who seemingly abandoned them. I can only assume Miguel’s abuelita (is this the correct term or is it abuela?) was taught to have a sorta second-hand hate of music because of Imelda being so bitter and heartbroken about Hector leaving. But because it was a second-hand hate and the fact that Miguel’s abuelita never even met the man whom her own abuelita - Mama Imelda - despised (but not really) makes her ironfist enforcement and hatred a bit over the top to me. And then even the blind following of their family. Like, music is a very difficult thing to avoid and did none of them enjoy a lil jingle or beat in their life?? I can buy that each of them went into the shoe business because it seems like a small town and it’s very family-centric so the tradition gets passed on, and I can buy them being distrustful of “mariachi” because of this seemingly mariachi stranger that abandoned their great-grandmother but to never question the hatred of music itself?? That was a little far-fetched.

There might be tidbits here and there but that was my main “critique”...

OK SO ONTO THE 9/10:

Definitely the best Pixar movie since Inside Out (would agree on the SuperCarlinBrothers on that point - they have a full review here) but it’s also paired with some FANTASTIC animation. I really wanna emphasise how strong the animation is in this movie. I mean, no doubt The Good Dinosaur is probably Pixar’s most visually stunning, and well animated movie to date but that said, the plot and message isn’t as captivating (though I still enjoyed it and when the Dad died I was super shook) but compared to how rich in themes and messages Coco is PLUS the animation is outstanding makes it far and away the better original Pixar movie (which btw is the last before 2020!!!). Finding Dory and Cars 3 CANNOT compare to a Pixar original. Back to the animation, it is so freaking gorgeous like:

source

and the marigold bridges!

source

But not just the imagery, the animation boundaries that Pixar is eternally attempting to break were actually mind-blowing. The big one people would be aware of and particularly musicians might catch onto first would be the fact that Miguel’s finger placing while strumming the guitar in front of the tv in his De la Cruz shrine are note for note correct and accurately synced to the music that you hear as he strums. WHICH IS INSANE. And something never done before. And I legitimately got chills watching with this knowledge in mind.

source

Props to Chris Chua who had to do the animation for this particular scene!!! And just note that apparently every time you see a person playing a guitar, it is the exact same situation! SCB also talks about it here until about 6:41 mins.

Onto the actual plot and let me tell you there is a plot TWIST and a message switch.

Well for those who have seen it, the plot twist is obviously that Ernesto de la Cruz is NOT Miguel’s great-great-grandfather and that it is Hector. I think if you know how these sorta movies go, you would clock in pretty early that this would be the situation - I think I clued in when Hector is talking about not liking musicians and such and Miguel is all “what would you know?” and I just knew then that Hector was gonna be some sort of musician and therefore probably his great-great-grandfather.  But what I wasn’t prepared for (and maybe this is because Pixar doesn’t usually have a villain and more so a “big picture” dilemma for the MC to overcome) was the fact that Ernesto de la Cruz was the “bad guy” AND a straight up murderer and murdered Hector when he was trying to get back to his family. That bit broke me a little because this whole time we were led to believe that Hector or Miguel’s “Papa” went out seeking fame and fortune and I just assumed that Hector never found it and died with his regrets but no! He got murdered by the man Miguel has been admiring most of his life! While trying to get back to his family!

The “Remember Me” song got 100x more poignant and sad and heartbreaking with this knowledge. And that, I thought, was some brilliant writing on Pixar’s part. Because now you can see why Hector is so desperate to cross the bridge. This ahole murdering peacock MURDERED HIM, keeping him from his family, stealing all his songs and raking in the rewards while leaving his family to believe he’d abandoned them and thus attempting to ERASE HIM from their memories and thus leave him to be forgotten!!! WHICH PIXAR COULD’VE DONE!! They could’ve done an Ellie and then some in obliterating your heart by killing someone who is already dead. I kinda wanna see what that movie would’ve been like if they had Hector die and thus have Hector and Coco just miss each other “on their way out” and that’s just horrendous to think about but would’ve clocked Coco as a real Pixar heavyweight (not that it isn’t top 6 material already).

Speaking of Coco, when hearing the main character is Miguel, it had me confused but the naming of the movie is actually brilliant. Because Coco is absolutely the most pivotal character in the entire movie and that makes the introducing monologue about Miguel and his relationship with his great-grandmother even more interesting. Because Coco is all that is left of memories of Hector and without her remembering him, he would cease to exist and meet her again in the after life like he’d been wanting for like four generations of Riveras and the reason he died in the first place!

Secondly the change of direction in the message Pixar was sending out. Initially, it was very clearly a movie about shedding the constraints of the naysayers and even if it is your family telling you, you can’t, you should follow your heart and do whatever you can to achieve your dreams. BUT Miguel was gradually going down a path we don’t often see in both Pixar and Disney protagonists. Where ultimately we the audience know they’re doing the right thing and following their heart even if their family disagreed (Moana is a good recent example), Miguel did things like saying he doesn’t wanna be a part of his family, and sneaking into Ernesto’s mausoleum and stealing his guitar simply because he believed he was Ernesto’s grandson, and then when returned immediately back to the land of the living, he ignores all the conditions given to him and steals the guitar again which rightly returns him back to the land of the dead. I mean granted, his family (dead and alive) and particularly his abuelita are over the top in discouraging him from his pursuing music BUT they are constantly reiterating why they are saying what they’re saying and doing what they’re doing, and he just refused to listen out of a stubborn desire to be different from his family. So he’s a character that it takes a longer time to like (imo) because of how dismissive and ignorant he is of why his family wants to keep him from pursuing music.

But then comes Miguel’s redemption and the change in direction the movie’s message takes. Because of how they have set out Miguel’s character and not taking him down that “guilty but noble” path, the “ultimately follow your heart” message can’t be swallowed well (kinda how I feel about The Little Mermaid). Instead they are saying that while following your dreams and your heart are great, if you don’t have people you care about to share in your success and support you in your dreams, then your existence can only ring hollow and the way you are remembered will always be toeing a fine line - as shown with Ernesto de la Cruz and how in the end, he got shunned by both the living and the dead when his actions came to light and his motivations behind those actions. And I think the powerful message of family and taking your past to push you forward to your best self is a really great message to send out.

Overall fantastic, feel good, tear-worthy movie. Hector’s almost-”death” and that final song with Mama Coco killed me gently and I loved this movie. 100/100 would recommend everyone see.

[mcrepower]

Coco Crossover Headcanons

In my ‘world travel’ verse, where Violet tours the world by herself and meets many people and goes on many adventures, Mexico is her last stop. The Rivera family has been kind enough to let her stay with them for a couple of weeks. During her stay, Violet gets to witness the Day of the Dead celebration first hand.

When she first arrived in Santa Cecilia and meet the Riveras, Abuelita says out loud, “My goodness chica, you must eat something!” And piles a plate full of her cooking. “I am not taking my eyes off you until you eat every bite!”

Miguel looks at her as if he’s gonna say, ‘Do not resist.’

When he apologizes on behalf of his abuela later, Violet goes, “Not the first time that happened. Won’t be the last.” 

It’s kind of nice to know some grandmother figures since she never had one herself.

Violet stays in what was once Mama Cocos room. Abuelita was reluctant about it before Violet arrived, but because Violet was quiet and respectful, she didn’t mind as much.

One day, when Socorro is inconsolable, screaming and crying to no end, Violet decides to show Luisa a trick that would always make a baby stop crying.

“I’ve done this to my brother plenty of times and he was a very fussy baby.”

Afterwards, the baby calms down.

“You’re a natural at this. You’ll be a great mother someday.”

Violet, who doesn’t want to have superpowered babies, fakes a smile. The thought of being pregnant scares the shit out of her. Unlike her mother, she does not have an elastic vagina.

When Violet shows the family the ili translation device she brought, they were all fascinated by it. All foreigners who spoke another language became excited when the device would translate into their language.

Abel takes the ili and says “Penis” into it. The device doesn’t translate it.

When Miguel sings and plays guitar, Violet can’t stop smiling. This kid is full of so much talent and is pure of heart and that’s why she cherishes him.

She spends the most time with Miguel and Rosa, because children are always more fun to be around.

Of all her travels, Violet talks the most about Japan, Italy, France, Russia, and Egypt.

“In Venice, they have this holiday called Carnival and everyone dresses up in fancy costumes and they all wear masks.”

“My parents looked at me like I was crazy when I told them I wanted to go to Russia.”

Before coming to Santa Cecilia, Violet was in another part of Mexico exploring Ancient Aztec and Mayan ruins. While she was there, she heard the song of a death whistle. It spooked her so much that she asked the man making them if she could buy a few. She sent one home to Dash to scare the shit out of their parents.

“Have you seen one of these before?” Violet would show it to Miguel when she was sure no adults were around.

“No, what is that?”

“An Aztec death whistle. It produces one of the most haunting sounds I had ever heard. If death had a sound, this would be it. Try it.”

Miguel is a little spooked when he blows into it but says he thinks death sounds like festive music.

If you wanna know what they sound like, here’s a link. It might be loud.

Violet does spend some time learning about shoemaking. When she walks into the shop and sees all the shoes hanging from the ceiling, she goes, “How?”

Due to her powers, the heat from the sun does not bother Violet in the slightest. She went sunbathing one day and was in the same spot for hours. Rosa checks to see and make sure she isn’t dead. Violet’s just like, “Oh hey. How long have I been asleep?”

Because Rosa also has little brothers, Violet can relate to her. They will tell stories and Violet will tell her what to expect as they get older.

Everywhere Violet travels, she studies the local fairy tales, folk tales, urban legends, and mythology, so she’s reading a lot of books on all those Mexican, including alebrijes. 

The video of the guy who was dancing happily because he got a free taco, that stepped on a skateboard makes the whole family laugh.

Violet has been taking thousands of pictures everywhere she’s been. She’s got quite an eye for photography and has a bunch of pictures on her laptop that she shows them.

When taking photos, Violet bends her knees, stand on her knees, will lie down on her side, or lie down on her back or stomach to get the perfect angle. Some people think it’s funny. 

She’s got a bag for her camera alone, which contains different flashes and lenses. Violet doesn’t want anybody touching it.

On Day of the Dead, she takes hundreds of pictures. There was too much beauty to place in one photograph. 

Miguel: “How come you always wear headphones when you listen to your music?”

Violet: Puts the earbud against his ear. It’s the Avenue Q soundtrack.

Violet introduces Miguel to the musical Phantom of the Opera and he starts singing covers of the songs, admitting that despite the romance, he enjoys it.

The day after Day of the Dead is Violets birthday. She doesn’t know that the Riveras know and they surprised her with a little birthday dinner. They bought a piñata for laughs. Miguel sings Happy Birthday.

They give her a tub of sour cream as a present because Violet likes it on her food.

Abuelita still throws shoes at people. Violet says, “I’m gonna take a shot of tequila everytime she does that.” as a joke. Tia Gloria gave her an entire bottle and says, “You’re gonna need that”

At first, it was a joke, but then Violet decided to do it. She was supervised so she wouldn’t drink too much, but by three in the afternoon that day, she was pretty drunk. 

Violet is tempted to use her powers to stop Abuelita from shoe throwing but holds back.

The family goes to see Mexican wrestling one night and it was one of the only times Violet enjoyed sports. When the announcer claimed the worlds strongest man was in the ring, she scoffed and muttered, “That’s cute.”

She listens intently to Miguel when he tells her about his ancestors.

“You talk about him [Hector] as if you knew him.”

Of all the host families she lived with, the Riveras are her absolute favorite. 

[memoriescarvedlikeatattoo]

Okay so my writing muscles are fairly rusty which is why I haven’t written anything in AGES so please be gentle with me. Also this fic is all @jacelightwoodsbutt‘s fault because she’s the reason why I started watching Shadowhunters in the first place so all blame goes to her. This fic was mostly inspired by the scene with the tamales and Raphael being a softy about his little sister and I just got a lot of feelings about that.

--------------------------------------------

“My little sister lives there. She’s 78. She can’t remember who I am.”

 The Sunday following his culinary confession to Izzy, Raphael found himself making asado de boda. He hadn't made it since Teresa’s birthday a few months back. While the pork chunks fried, Raphael began to blend the spices and seasonings to make the sauce that went over the pork. As soon as both the sauce and park were combined, Raphael called one of the mundanes on the payroll to send the food out to the retirement home. He knew there wasn't much he could do for his little sister, but making one of her favorite dishes was the least he could do.

 Nobody at the retirement home knew who exactly donated the mounds of food that were delivered to their kitchens every Sunday, but they were all grateful for it. The meals brought a pleasant change to all the residents and the staff could not have been more surprised or amazed than when they noticed the changes. Everyone was all smiles and laughs every Sunday evening. Even the most sick seemed to gain a little color and energy after each meal. The resident that most surprised the staff was Mrs. Ramos. She didn't always remember who she was or who her daughter was, which wasn't surprising considering the fact that she hardly visited her mother. In fact, of all of Mrs. Ramos family, the only one who visited her more than once a week was her granddaughter, Teresa. Teresa, who had been named after her grandmother, made sure to visit her abuela at least four times a week, with Sunday being a permanent visit. She loved to hear abuelita talk about her family, especially when she told stories of her big brother Raphael. This Sunday was no different.

 Teresa knew that as soon as her grandmother took the first bite, her memories would come back to her.

 “Esto tiene mucho piloncillo y chile guajillo.”

 Teresa smiled at her grandmother’s comment. Of course she found something in the dish to poke at. She always did. Which meant she was on the verge of a memory.

 “It's not that bad, abuelita.”

 Abuela Teresa huffed as she pushed the pork around her plate. “Hmm, you know who would put too much piloncillo and guajillo in this asado? Your tío-abuelo Raphael.”

 Teresa watched as a faraway look came over her grandmother. “Tell me about him, abuelita.”

 “Rafa was the best big brother any girl could ask for. And the best son too, if you asked your great-grandmother. He would watch me  everyday after school and whenever our mom would work late nights. And his cooking, ay his cooking,” abuela Teresa smiled dreamily, “it didn't compare to your great-grandmother’s, but it was a close second.”

 Teresa held her grandmother’s hand and squeezed it gently. “You really loved his cooking, didn't you, abuelita?”

 The older Teresa smiled. “Yes, I did.”

 “What was your favorite dish?” Teresa knew her grandmother’s memory wouldn't last long and she yearned to hear stories from her grandmother's childhood.

 “This one.” abuela Teresa said with no hesitation, as she spooned a chunk of pork into her mouth. Her smile was so happy and endearing that the younger Teresa found herself blinking back tears.

 “Asado de boda was always my favorite, and Rafa would make it often, especially if it was cold out.” The older Teresa leaned back against her chair, her hands folded on her lap. “There was one day, a very long time ago, when he got mad at me and threatened to make something else…”

 The memory came to abuela slowly…

 It had been the winter she had turned 13. The city had been covered in snow, making the walk home a little longer than usual. Teresa had left school not too long after Rafa, but had gone through one of the side streets that led away from home rather than towards. Rafa hated when she did that because it meant that he couldn't keep an eye on her, which meant she'd be getting herself into some kind of mischief. Teresa knew that Rafa would get upset with her, but she didn't care. She just wanted Rafa to be a kid again. She wanted her big brother to joke around with her like he did when they were younger. Rafa was only 14, but he carried himself with the presence of a man much older.

 She had been too busy thinking about her brother, that Teresa didn't notice she had strayed from her intended route. She had ended up in a neighborhood four blocks north of her own, which meant Rafa would not only be worried, but also furious. Turning back, Teresa hurried back to her own street. Just a few houses away from her own, she ran into Joaquín, a boy Rafa’s age who lived to bully everyone younger than him. Teresa really didn't like him. Not just because he was a bully, but also because he had a habit of being an arrogant, asshat who thought every girl wanted to be his girl. (Every girl his and Teresa’s age hated him, so everyone knew he was delusional).

 As she tried to walk past him, Joaquín grabbed Teresa’s arm and smirked at her. “Eh, Teresita. When are we going out then? I know you've been dying to go out with me.”

 “Ni en tus sueños, estúpido.” Teresa pulled her arm free and began to walk away when Joaquín grabbed her again, only harder.

 “I ain't no idiot, niña.” Joaquín had pulled her closer to him even as Teresa struggled to pull free.

 Anyone who knew Teresa knew she didn't like being touched by anyone who wasn't her family or friend and since Joaquín was neither…

 Joaquín fell to his knees, his hands cupping his crotch. Teresa may have been younger, but that only meant she was shorter, which gave her easy access to lower body parts.

 "You ever touch me again, and I swear to God I'll break your nose, Joaquín.”

 As Teresa turned to walk back home, she saw Rafa standing not too far away from where she was. His face was doing that weird thing where it didn't know if it should be angry or if it should be proud.

 “Que estabas pensando, Teresa?” He was using his big brother, bordering on father voice. Teresa didn't particularly like that voice because it meant that Rafa was somehow disappointed with her.

 “There's nothing wrong with standing up for myself, hermano. You taught me that. I wasn't going to let him treat me like crap just because society says I'm supposed to be an obedient little girl.” Teresa huffed.

 Rafa’s face did its thing and settled on a grimace resembling weary acceptance. “I would never expect you of all people to go by society's rules, hermanita. Just remember this next time you go to confession, okay?”

 Teresa rolled her eyes. “Fine, I'll say this at confession next time, I promise. Now, can we get outta here? I'm hungry and I know you're cooking tonight.”

 “Well, you'd have ate already if you'd gone home like you were supposed to. El asado is probably cold by now, so I'll have to heat it up. I shouldn't even give you any.” Rafa retorted as he curled his arm around the back of his little sister’s neck.

 “You're the best, you know that?” Teresa smiled up at her big brother as they walked back home.

 Rafa smiled back at his sister, pride blooming in his chest for how she had handled herself. “You're not too bad, either.”

  Teresa gazed at her grandmother as her fragmented mind pulled her back to the present. She wiped tears from her own face, and from her grandmother’s crinkly cheeks. The story hadn't been a sad one, but the younger Teresa knew what took place just a few months after that day, and her heart broke for her grandmother.

 “You miss him, don't you, abuelita?” Teresa whispered to her grandmother, who had turned to look out of her bedroom window.

 “Sí,” the word was spoken so softly, that Teresa had barely heard it, “but I know he's out there somewhere. I can feel it here,” the older Teresa had placed her hand over her heart and smiled, “and here too,” she said pointing at her belly. “Rafa always had a particular sazón, and I'd recognize it anywhere.”

 Teresa held her grandmother's hand and gave her a watery smile. “I hope he gets to visit you soon then.”

 Abuela Teresa smiled at her granddaughter. “Teresita! Mi niña, you came to visit me!”

 Teresa let out something between a laugh and a sob and held her grandmother's hand just a little tighter. “Sí abuela, of course I came to visit you. How have you been?”

  “She can't remember who I am.” “And I can’t forget about her.”

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this little thing can also be found on ao3

[damleon24]

#2 The Myth of “La Raza”

Five of us sat waiting for our first round of “All You Can Eat” at a table in Sushi Village. We were all friends through the ALANA Center, the diversity space on campus, and as usual the conversation revolved around our beautiful black and brown bodies. This love for ourselves was an act of affirmation and support in our self love. More importantly, at Vassar College (a predominantly white institution), this was an act of resistance in a space that many of us didn’t feel accepted or welcome in.

It was a normal enough conversation, so I don’t remember most of it. What did sit with me and still comes up is a short exchange: “Do I look European to you?” I asked as the end to a story of dealing with someone asking me where I was from and assuming I was Italian (or Greek, or Spanish, or some ‘good’ kind of brown).

“Yea, you really do,” responded my friend with such nonchalance that they probably didn’t realize how much that statement hurt. They are a queer Latinx, and one of the people that I respected because they so proudly loved their brown body.

I don’t remember what I said back, but I probably laughed with our friends.

In 1926  José Vasconcelos published the book  La Raza Cósmica in which he spoke of the racial mixing that occurred in the former Spanish colony that was becoming Mexico. La Raza was the idea of a new race comprised of people descended from Spanish and Indigenous ancestors (ignoring any and all Black people). In reality, la raza played out as a way for all Mexicans to consider themselves descended from the greatness of the Aztecs, but aspire for Spanish whiteness.

This myth of a unified “Raza” created two issues. The first was that people sought to “mejorar la raza”, to improve the race. This of course meant that everyone carried a deep seated distaste for indigenous traits and idealized white standards of beauty. People were encouraged to marry (and have children) with people with light skin, colored eyes, or good (read: thin straight) hair.

The second was that people were discouraged from talking about their indigenous heritage. The nation-state of Mexico claimed itself as the successor of the Aztec Empire, and the people hid their indigenous heritage. Settlers had killed off most of the indigenous peoples, and Mexico followed it with a slow cultural genocide in which even the fully indigenous people were expected to hate every aspect of themselves.

My papi is a product of this vastly successful cultural revolution. He speaks with pride of the Aztecs and loves the artistic imagery that Mexico appropriated. This same man is also incredibly proud of his hazel eyes and often reminds me that my great grandfather had blonde hair and blue eyes. He calls his short dark coworker “Oaxaco” (a majority of people from the state are indigenous) because he knows that indigenous traits are a something to be ashamed of. He mocks my brother because his girlfriend is short and dark as well; he refers to her as “that india” and tells my brother to find himself a nice guera.

I do not think of the Mexican people as “La Raza” or a “Gente Unida”. Mexico is a colonial project the same way the US is. It is a nation state that has continuously killed, stolen from, and displaced indigenous people. Many Mexicans do descend from these same indigenous people, but the faces of Mexico (the politicians, the telenovela stars, etc.) are all lighter skinned. They are not called “white” because of the idea of the Raza, but that does not change the fact that they represent that cultural ideal.

I have never identified as indigenous because of this history. I questioned it at times, but felt that I had no real claim to the culture or identity. No matter my heritage, I have not lived the life of a culturally indigenous person.

My brother brought up these thoughts again a few weeks ago. He said that he put down “White” and “Native American” on his college applications, but didn’t know what tribe he belonged to. He asked me what I’d put down.

“You’re not Native American, dumbass.” He didn’t like that answer. He asked our Abuelita and she told us she’d call her mami. She dialed and handed me the phone. I asked my great grandmother if she knew what our indigenous heritage was and she laughed at me. “Mi papa era Tarasco, mijo. Mi mama tambien, de donde crees que saliste tan guapo?”

I was expecting her to give the same general claim to indigeneity that I’ve become familiar with. The actual tie to an indigenous culture was shocking; I’m not sure if it’s because I’d bought into my family’s perceived whiteness or because an existential crisis that lasted 4 years was solved with a five minute phone call.

My brother and I started doing research and pieced together aspects of that lost culture. Our Abuelita told us that the region she was born in was full of small pueblos of specialized artisans, and that our Abuelo had been a cazuelero (skilled metalworker specializing in cooking tools).

We found articles stating that the Spanish colonizers had initially been interested in the Tarascan Empire because they saw the work of the P'urhépecha (the Indigenous people that made the Tarascan Empire) goldsmiths. The Spanish created the same pueblos that my Abuela grew up around to force the artisans to create more of these goods for their own gain.

Even the traditional “Mexican” blouses that my Abuelita has are a distinct style made by the P'urhépecha.

We showed the pictures of celebrations and cultural traditions to our Abuelita. She smiled and told us stories about the different pueblos she recognized in the region. We used Google Maps streetview to explore her home, and she told us about the mean woman that used to live there and a house owned by our uncle here and the small field that her and her siblings used to play in down the road.

We translated the accounts of a New Year’s celebration held on February 1st during which a fire is lit and offerings laid to honor the four elements. She told us that she hadn’t participated in that since she was a little girl in Michoacan, but that we would light a fire and pray this year.

[melisd]

"Happy Mother's Day to All the Mothers in the World" 🌎 In My Sweet Mom's words. 💐💗 Mom @Anis.Diaz wants a jacuzzi-ing and R&R-ing night and morning for Mom's Day that she more than deserves, then of course she gets one. To say My Mom means everything to me is an understatement. My Mom like all Mom's do the very best they can and most often in the face of more odds than ever thought possible. Moms are the source of life, our lives To be exact, always even if seems for some just for a moment, truly for a lifetime and what we do with it is the total sum of our own choices, because they gave us the love to start with. I'm forever grateful for My Mother Anis' love and to have so much wonderful Motherly love in my life from my Darling North Star Grandmother y Abuelita Maria up in Heaven, precious Abuela Santa also in Heaven, All my Grandmother's Sisters/Great-Aunts still beautiful as ever, my beautiful and kind Stepmother Marleny & Step-Tia Iris, My Forever-Numero Uno Tia Nuris and soooo many of my beautiful Aunts all over the country including My-Coje-el Whenever/Whatever Tia Edme, Tia Luz, beautiful Sisters Neily, Ileny and our sweet Mommy-To-Be Narly, my beautiful and strong Sister and Cousin Mally who I miss dearly and of course who's birthday is also today because she's such a wonderful Mother, My Darling Lindsay whom I couldn't be more inspired by and sweet Mommy-To-Be Lily, my rock-the best Aunt and Doggy Mommy Alyce & Her Sis Bridget, My best friend-an amazing Aunt and Daughter Ivette, besties and Moms Sonia and Angela and so many other Moms I know! I know many who are missing their Moms up in Heaven or others not close to their Moms but Motherly Love is absolutely always with you, in whatever form you receive it, always in your heart, that's beats for you every moment of every day. ❤️ Moms make the world go round! Enjoy your Day today and the love you share everyday. Happy Mother's Day to all the plant, soggy, cat and plant Moms and Aunts Everywhere! Feliz Día de las Madres! Peace and Love for all Mothers and Everyone, because we all come from a Mother! 💐💗 #HappyMothersDay #Love #MomsMakeTheWorldGoRound