#adhd - super fast brain disorder

[brokentoasterrr]

[bomberqueen17]

adderall day 1

I'm not going to have any particular deep thoughts about this, but I feel like I should write stuff down. Several people have advised that.

I still don't know how much this is going to cost me, as my insurance couldn't be verified and I'm going to have to do messy things probably to find out. But I've got the pills in my hot little hand, 16 of them, and a follow-up appointment, and perhaps by then I'll know what this is actually costing.

It seems that it varies wildly how people manage to get ADHD dx's. Many many PCPs will not diagnose it or prescribe for it. It seems extremely gatekeepy to me, and not in a helpful way. my own PCP, as I describe more and more of my struggles to get healthcare in general, is being revealed to me to be less and less of any kind of a good fit-- she just seems baffled by everything I say. She asked if I have heartburn, for example, and I said, truthfully, oh yes, if I don't eat regularly, one of the ways I realize I've gone too long is that I start to have heartburn. So I've learned to be conscientious about my eating schedule, and eat small meals and snacks at regular intervals throughout the day, and that has cleared up the problem. And this actively baffled her, she was like "i've never heard of anything like this", and I can't imagine what she thought I was saying. Does no one else in the human race ever get queasy/stomach-acidy from going too long without food? Especially eating heavily and then not eating for a long time afterward? That's the worst for me, so I avoid that. I highly doubt I am the only person ever to experience this. But she seemed convinced that I must not know what heartburn is.

That's just one example. So. If I can get my head on straight at all, I am going to start looking for a new primary care physician. I'm sure this doctor is fine, just not for me.

(She is obsessed that my fasting blood glucose levels are too high. I read an article about it, in the 2010s sometime the CDC decided that 5.7 was a new worrying number (I don't know what the units are, but 7 is what people with well-managed diabetes shoot for), and now they were going to declare this new number "pre-diabetes" and start medicating it. The WHO has refused the concept of "pre-diabetes", pointing out that about 2% of people with this number wind up developing full-blown diabetes whether medicated or not, and that's about the same number of people who develop diabetes without having had this diagnosis, so it is in fact not any kind of reliable indicator of looming diabetes, so it should be referred to as "elevated fasting blood glucose levels" and not the new fictional "pre-diabetes". But there's money in selling that medicine, so American doctors are encouraged to make this diagnosis. And my doctor has put it into my chart that she plans to start me on Metformin if this number does not go down.

I'm refusing that. Medicate me for diabetes if I develop diabetes. I can be annually screened for it just like anyone. Sure, keep an eye on it! I take this seriously. But i am not getting medicated for a condition the WHO thinks is fictional. Thanks.)

Anyway that was a digression.

I'm hoping to at least make a start on dialing in my meds with this online guy, so that when I switch PCPs I can show up with the ADHD treatment as a fait accomplit and not have the new PCP throw a fit. I might try it with the current one too-- "Idk you told me it was incredibly complicated and insurance doesn't cover it so I went to my insurance company and they sent me to this guy and it wasn't complicated at all and I'm responding super well to the treatment so I guess this is what I do now?" but I am just anticipating her throwing a fit of some kind, since she is absolutely convinced I have major depressive disorder and has been trying to get me to go back on Celexa, which did me so much no good that I cold-turkeyed off it and gave myself horrible brain zaps. Don't fucking do that guys.

(It was with this same practice! It's on there, I no-showed to an appointment because I had so little executive function I wasn't even able to keep track of it! And she's still like yah medicating u for depression is super what's going to work. ma'am i have never been suicidal but I remember being on Celexa and most of it was my shitty life situation at the time but mostly it is a gray expanse of despair and ineffectualness, and getting inexorably fatter whilst starting to develop an eating disorder about it, and getting benched by my roller derby coach despite exercising myself to constant exhaustion and performing better than I ever had on the track because she saw my spreading waistline and assumed I was slacking off, and anyway. Yeah no.)

So anyway. I'm letting myself be stream of consciousnessy because it seems right. I had a reasonable breakfast, a lot of water, some coffee, a multivitamin, and my first pill about an hour ago, and am now ensconced in the recliner with the cat because the cat insists. I have started to feel.... kind of... like my throat feels kind of dry so I'm drinking more water, and I just got a little bit not quite dizzy and am acutely aware of all my eye movements, so I guess that's notable.

OK the plan. I would like to someday be able to make to-do lists, that's a medium-term goal. Meanwhile I'm still doing narratives of how i'd like a day to go. I have fallen off that a bit; I've been trying to do not a bullet journal but a just regular day planner in this new year (i got something on clearance off amazon lol) and mostly what I've used it for is as a diary post-hoc, writing down what i got done, and making little notes of what I want to get done, because otherwise my memory wipes itself and I don't know what I did all last week either. I fell off it this week because Dude was out of town and I was off kilter. But I'm going to fill back in what I can remember-- I'm keeping track of what meals I cook, what exercise I do, things like that-- and hope to keep it up going forward.

Routine, I hope, is what will help me.

Today. It is rainy today. I didn't get some of my stuff done while Dude was gone because of course the list I made would have taken six weeks of work, that's how my lists go. But I did get a lot done, so I'm going to write all that down. And today it is rainy, so I can spend time in the basement. What I want to do is empty out all my nice baskets I use to tote craft things around, and re-fill them with more curated selections. I think one basket for like, all the sewing tools, just all of them, in one place, and then another basket that is like, all of the embroidery supplies, and then a container that is An Adequate Selection Of Thread and also machine-sewing supplies? maybe? and then Active Projects can go into a third container that may or may not travel with me. Anyway, thinking about that is a work in progress.

I need to pack for my first trip of the season to the farm. I need to put away all the supplies from painting the kitchen, because I am finally officially totally completely done with that. I need to then tidy the kitchen counter and there's a little wooden cart that used to have our coffee stuff on it and I've been using it to dump all the shit and assorted project detritus from the ongoing painting on, and I need to then move that cart somewhere once I've put away all the things on it.

That seems like a reasonable amount of things to expect to complete today. OK I need to get out from under this cat because I have to pee now. All right. She'll be fine she just wants the chair really.

Yah ok i really gotta pee and dude is in the shower so i'm going to go get dressed and dance around a little lolsob. wish me luck.

[souljellied]

What ADHD looks like for me

I've been doing some journalling lately trying to process this late diagnosis of ADHD and explain to some close friends. I wrote out this list and was surprised to realise some of the ways I've masked which I hadn't even thought of as being related to ADHD. I thought putting this out there might be useful for anyone looking at signs and symptoms and trying to make sense of their own experience.

Feel free to reblog and share your own experience in comments/tags!

For me, ADHD is this:

Too many thoughts all the time, no way to switch them off

Constant low-key, maddening existential boredom - never fully able to engage with anything

Constant low-key irritation and frustration…

…Which blossoms easily into overwhelming rage

Intense, uncontrollable, unregulatable emotions that escalate quickly

Loud, chaotic energy

Inability to focus

Daydreaming and trapped in my own head often

Thinking, doing and feeling a million things at once

Lots and lots and lots and lots of hobbies

Periods of intense, uncontrollable hyperfixation

Over-analysing and over-thinking

Addicted to my phone

Binging on food, alcohol, sex

Missing very very obvious social cues a lot of the time

Trouble with eye-contact

Inability to think long-term

Inability to form habits

Inability to sit still

Talking over people

Talking too fast

Forgetfulness

Impulsive behaviour

Periods of overwhelming depression and suicidal ideation

Forgetfulness

(Hehe, see what I did there? Seriously though, forgetting really obvious stuff, all the time)

Time blindness

Compulsive nail-biting, hair-pulling, skin-picking

Disordered eating

Sensitivity to textures

Executive dysfunction (i.e. knowing you NEED to get up and do something but being physically unable to)

Only able to function under a certain level of anxiety or panic

Exhaustion, needing frequent naps to ‘reset’ my brain

Difficulty prioritising tasks and staying organised

Difficulty working on long term projects

Difficulty making decisions

A deeply internalised sense that I was most likely going to fail or get off-track before I even started a task

Stimming

For me, ‘masking’ (hiding the above symptoms in order to be Normal) looks like this:

constant lies about why I forgot stuff, scrambling to cover up mistakes

staying awake all night to complete things at the last minute

over-exercising so I’m tired enough to sleep

drinking alcohol so I’m tired enough to sleep

putting off errands for ridiculous amounts of time and telling people ‘oh I was just too lazy lolololol’

masking with self-deprecating humour

writing every single little thing on a to do list from ‘brush your teeth today!!!’ to ‘work deadline 2PM’

self-harming in order to regulate thoughts and emotions, and to punish myself for my failures

pretending I didn’t care about the deadline or event or whatever that I missed out on anyway

making ‘chaotic and crazy’ my entire personality because it’s easier to do that than admit to the guilt and shame

isolating myself so that no one can get close enough to see how fake everything is

taking on Team Leader roles to create that same distance and give a sense of control/purpose to my interactions

arriving super early to things so I’m not late

hiding things I’m interested in because they’re unconventional or weird

staying quiet so I don’t interrupt people

sabotaging relationships

forcing my stimming into more appropriate verbal/physical tics

obsessively checking my phone for free dopamine hits

avoiding situations where I might not be able to hide my illness

chronic perfectionism and high standards

double and triple checking *everything* to avoid mistakes

[re-roo-ting]

I want to say this here because I don’t see people talk about the positive things that can happen and how things can change. Also everyone is different and this is just my story.  Not the whole thing just the parts that might help someone.

I’m diagnosed with major depression disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and ADHD.

TW: Talks of depression, panic attacks, and adhd struggles

To know the good you have to know just how bad things were first. Before any medication or any professional help, and before I was out of the house I grew up in, I suffered from bad depression. My parents didn’t care much about school and so there were months where I would miss at least one day a week for every week, sometimes more. And I would spend those days laying in bed, often just crying, and being upset without a reason I could find. Aside from my depression I deal with a lot of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), and found myself constantly feeling unwanted and out of place. I would go through spells of intense motivation and hyper focus followed by days not doing anything and feeling so bored that my brain hurts and feels like its rotting. My thoughts would race so fast and feel so loud, They weren’t always nice either and there were repetitive and would latch on to ideas heard by other people. I would loose my school work, and organization was never easy. My room looked like a dump. Then I would get upset with myself for letting that happen, and give into this idea that I was lazy. Panic attacks were another issue I would deal with. I’m a paranoid person, and this paired with my race thoughts led to me being regularly overwhelmed. I was having up to four panic attacks a week when I was at my worst. And they left me feeling drained causing more issues with motivation, and more self loathing. 

Right now things are not perfect. I’m readjusting to meds, and I still have bad days. I go through the same things sometimes, and get overwhelmed a lot. But I’ve learned how to cope. I’m trying to be healthy, and improve my self image. I write in my journal a lot and use art and writing, and other forms of creativity to help with my feelings. I talk to people about how I’m feeling and Have improve a lot with communicate and boundaries though I'm still not where I need to be. Most days aren’t happy days, but some are, and most days aren’t sad days either. I still get overwhelmed and I haven’t figured out to avoid burn out from school yet each semester but I can learn to cope. I’m productive, I have a lot of hobbies that I like and don’t feel obligated to perform. I can be relaxed, and I go days sometimes without feeling super sad or guilty. I enjoy school more, and can meet with friends sometimes daily during school. Being outside doesn’t feel like a chore as much, and I enjoy just sitting outside sometimes. I can be proud of my work and honestly often am. I’m surprised by how well I write sometimes, and am shocked that I can draw at all (Adderall helps me to be able to focus on what I’m doing I think), I also have found there are times where I like how I look. Which is crazy, especially because I feel with dysphoria, and have struggled with an ED for years now (also I have a bad hair cut rn and still enjoy my looks sometimes.) I don’t have panic attacks really anymore and if I do they I have tools to help me through them sometimes. I don’t always remember to use them, and can feel guilty asking for help but it’s things I’m working on.

Things do get better, it takes work and patience and nothing is linear and you can’t expect perfection. I’m walking living proof that things can and will get better, even if only slightly. You don’t need to feel hopeless, I was in the same place, and things do get better.

[littlx-songbxrd]

Heyyy how are you? 😊

So random thought, but I was watching a video of a sims youtuber talk about being autistic and it brought up some memories and thoughts that I thought you might want to use as a reference for your character Nairne (I think that's her name I'm hoping I remembered that right).

If not that's totally fine dw.

Ok so autistic inertia "is the notion that when autistic people need to stop doing a task it can be difficult to restart and once we have started working on a task or project it can be really difficult to stop." - Kella Gehlert

Basically for me it affected my school work a lot because switching tasks for different subjects or even within a class was really hard for me. It's like being weighed down and needing some time to get up, I need time to pull my brain away from whatever it's doing. I can't do it immediately. I also feel this a lot when I play video games and my moms like "ok you need to set the table now!" Like.... I need time to process that and wind down before I can stop and save! Also adults don't really get that video games take time to save and exit and you can't just stop immediately lol. But that's a different problem. It takes time for me to process transitions. Which us also why I need lots of time to get ready before I leave to go somewhere.

Slow processing speed. I struggle with this A LOT. Basically it's your brain processing things more slowly. I speak pretty slowly be cause it takes me longer to think of words, figure out how to pronounce them and then say them. It also takes me longer to react to things which made my dance teacher hate me. Also if you ask me for the salt it will take like two minutes for me to register that, process it and then move to get it for you. This is also affected by auditory processing disorder which I'm sure you know about.

But if you don't it's basically a delayed auditory response or not being able to hear things clearly if they're too fast. That's why I need to watch things with subtitles. That's also why most fast songs sound like asghsdbbscvb to me so I need to look up the lyrics. It's also a symptom of ADHD.

Interoception is the next one, which is the awareness of your body essentially and what's going on with it. Autistic people often have poor interoception. We often don't realize we're tired, or hungry or that we need to go to the bathroom until it's absolutely dire, or sometimes not at all. There are different levels of this based on the person. But me personally, I'm bad with eating and with sleeping. But my insomnia also stems from my nightmares. This leads to me forgetting to eat or just not eating because I'm not hungry.

Which leads me to my next point. Tw for Eating disorders mention.

EDs are super common amongst autistic ppl especially autistic girls and afabs. For multiple reasons. Sometimes for a need to control things and obsessively monitor something, sometimes it's because of sensory issues with the texture and taste of food. And then sometimes you're like me and between not really feeling hunger and suffering from executive dysfunction I struggle to eat. I've never been diagnosed with an ED but I have gone days without meals so that can't be great.

That's all I can think of for now! Please let me know if you want me to send me any more stuff if you need help. Also, I think you mentioned you use music to write like me and I know you may have already made a playlist for Nairne or at least for your WIP. But there is a playlist I made for Rory full of songs that give autistic womanhood/ woman aligned ish type vibes. If you want me to send u it I totally can.

Some of my favorites include, Nightmare by Halsey, Teen Idol by Mariana and the diamonds and Strange little girl by POSEY.

Hiiiiii. I'm doing ok! Been working on some worldbuilding for a project and im trying to start painting again. Which like am i good at painting? No but. Fhjfjf besides that good good what about you?

OMG DEFINETLY AND YES THATS HER NAME. Thought now that i see you write it I wonder how you pronounce it. Thats really random im sorry. But its interesting for smth i can tell you about later!

Ok I'll be commenting and writting my notes as i go!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS

1. That kind of reminds me of newtons law! Every object in motion remains in motion. So okok I think I can understand what youre saying. Again, object in motion stays in motion unless acted by unbalamces force. In this case you staying in the activity previous would be the motion and being pulled away would kind of be the unbalancing force! Can i describe it as that? Disruption from a task or processing transition needs its transitionary period on ots own.

2. I had actually researched some of this im internally doing a happy dance my research was right. But I will take the note on the speech thing! I always thought Nairne might be slower to express most her thoughts, but for how she feels I feel the best way to describe it. Its like she has a a whole river filled with thoughts and opinion but in order to comunicate she was given a spoon to scoop the water out.

3. you dont have to tell me twice about auditory processing disorder VDJDBBFDN. Most words come into my brain but I dont process them at all. Its made me almost flunk out a economics class cause i legit could not understans half the words my teacher spoke.

4. Ok I've read about the poor introspection thing!! I think i wrote a scene once where nairnes screwed up sleep schedule was explained kind of keeping this in mind. I think i lost it (victim to untitled documents) but

5. I think i get it. Idk if I can do this but sometimes i struggle to keep myself sat through meals and in my desperation to get up and get rid of my energy i just dont eat. Im not sure why that makes me understand this concept but yeah. I'll definetly keep it in mind

Also yep that is definetly not good. I wont say pls eat cause i know its a pain to control thinsg you cant but.

PLEASE SEND MORE I AM BEGGING YOU. ALSO CORRECT ME IF ANYTHING HERE IS WRONG IM SO GLAD YOU SENT THIS. I love knowing and you have a good way of explaining things. Would you mind if i tried writting some drabbles based on these and sent them?

Anyways pls send. Even if it wasnt for my wip its good to get more information on autism. Puerto Rico might be good for a lot of things, but I went my whole life till i found fandom spaces not understanding what autism was and I want to learn.

OH PLEASE SEND !!!!

[holyzombiecoffee]

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[schizowitchic]

realised why "neurodivergent people relate to x" "all neurodivergents when y" statements and the like really bother me. it's because they attempt to generalise neurodivergency & it's many ways of presenting, usually based off the common internet narrative of what adhd and autism is, completing excluding mental illnesses & neurological conditions that do not fit in to those statements, and thus making the term "neurodivergent" not an "all-inclusive" term because almost everything geared towards "neurodivergency" is actually just for low support needs autistic or adhd people

common things are statements like "neurodivergent people hate the big ceiling light" or "neurodivergent people cry when their stuffed animals fall off the bed" or "neurodivergent culture is jumping topics super fast and the neurotypicals can't keep up"

buddy. not every neurodivergent people have light sensitivity. not even every autistic or adhd person has light sensitivity. (This is just one example). and the tags on a post about, say, light sensitivity and neurodivergency will usually exclusively be #autism #adhd. hmm idk i reckon there might be another neurodivergency that's associated with light sensitivity that constantly gets left out of discussions about neurodivergency.... could it be.... epilepsy?

i like the concept of neurodivergency, as something meant to bring all people with different brains together. but i don't see that. what i do see is people conflating having a differently structured brain with autism and adhd, continuing to demonise severe mental illnesses, and leaving neurological disorders out of the conversation completely

[freefallthoughtless]

It’s Sunday the 19th of March and I’ve consumed too much caffeine in the best way, the temporary high way. And if there’s one thing I’m reliable with it’s chasing any sort of high; the good, the bad, the “fuck I just created another vice high”. But it’s all good. When my brain kicks into overdrive I have a specific playlist of songs that triggers a god-complex and i love it. But mostly I’m fast-scrolling through TikTok to sing along passionately to 30 seconds of sounds or songs and oversharing on my instagram stories. My cat Charlie is deeply confused by my erratic behavior and so am I. The thing is; I have bipolar disorder and probably undiagnosed ADHD, so what kind of high are we talking? The all-nighter of chaotic fun or the I’m quitting my medication and booking a one month stay in the psych ward as the king of England high? Fuck if I know. But it really just boils down to whether or not I get sleep tonight. If I do then I’ll be good as new tomorrow, if I don’t everyone around me becomes overly worried and asks me if it’s time to call the doctor. And I’ll say no and the night after I’ll be 2 bottles deep and convincing the paramedic that I can stand up the entire ambulance ride to the hospital and call it surfing as I tell him he looks like that dude from Vikings. It’s a messy brain I have. I’m getting to the point that I hate it’s only 10:18pm because I just want tomorrow to arrive so I have something to do, I’m restless and I really don’t have the patience to calm down, but I’m so under-stimulated in my over-charged brain that I’m becoming agitated and irritable. My own company is both absolutely brilliant and so underwhelming at the same time. And it’s all because I need more, any kind of more, just MORE. And that’s nowhere to be found in my small apartment. It’s critical to find something to fixate on so my life makes sense in that perfection kind of way. “Yeah I’m super human, don’t need to be saved, don’t press your luck, I woke up feeling dangerous”.

[cinematiclowlightsandlaughter]

Seeing my dad’s decline has been humbling and confusing for me.

When I was diagnosed with dyscalculia (math learning disability) and ADHD in the sixth grade, it came at the heels of other diagnoses I already knew I had. Sensory Integration Disorder, neurological muscle tics… I knew from an early age I had multiple disabilities, that I would never live the life my older sister had. We were simply far too different.

Yet, I was the kid who looked at the neighborhood children riding their bikes, and kept falling until I figured out how to get from point a to point b… I may be wobbly, I may not be super fast, I may tire easily, but that five year old girl was determined not to be told no. That stubbornness got her through years of speech and occupational therapy, relearning how to walk again, competing in spelling bees…. I hated the word “no” and tried not to hear it if I could help it.

Finding out that I was brain damaged from a virus that had riddled my body at birth only served as an explanation for some phenomena. It still didn’t explain how I somehow could still read thick chapter books, why I had such a great memory, why I would eventually place at the top of my German class…. As it turns out, brain damage is not created equal.

As soon as my doctors realized I was ill, I was given intense medication to eradicate its side effects. We now credit that to what miraculously happened next: neural passageways bypassing the damage and making connections, as though the damage never existed. The MRI that followed was a breathtaking masterpiece.

To be fair, I am cognizant as I get older that I do still have effects of brain damage. I’m much more emotionally reactive. There are certain things I will never be able to do. Certain things that I am okay with losing, and some that are heartbreaking and remind me of a life I could have led. I don’t need to understand math to lead a fulfilling life, but I do occasionally wonder what friendships I would have had, what hobbies I would have enjoyed otherwise. I am ignorant of this lifestyle as I never had a chance, but I am not ignorant of the endless possibilities of the person I could have become.

Would I still be going to grad school in my choice of program, in the city I chose—? I will never know.

Living with this reality has also made it more difficult emotionally to cope with my dad’s stroke and its aftermath. Why would someone who’s already accomplished great things give up on getting better? A Northwestern grad, now he says that cooking is too challenging for him. He has gotten depressed to the point that he is actually getting weaker and at risk of falls because he is so afraid to fail at anything.

I dunno- maybe our attitudes are simply different. But if I had taken no for an answer, I would not have gotten very far. And honestly- the fun is in seeing if I could, rather than expecting a perfect outcome. You see, I’m a different kind of adrenaline junkie- the kind that is exhilarated by overcoming the challenges of life.

And sailing down the sidewalk on a hot summer’s day past your mother’s shocked expression is a victory ever the sweeter.

[dystopiandilfs]

As usual I've had multiple asks about my opinion on something. This time it's the Mask Music video, more specifically "The normal pills" so here we go once again. This is also going to include bits about Anthony’s interview with Dream so if you haven’t seen it you might not be aware of somethings.

Disclaimer: This is going to include mental illnesses, v*mitting talk, eating disorders, medication, anxiety and similar topics so if you’re sensitive to any of these probably avoid this post. This also isn’t me talking for Dream or speculating things about him or his ADHD.

First off I’m so happy Dream is finally comfortable enough to talk about his ADHD openly as well as clearly doing his research. For a lot of NT people they might not understand how important it is for someone with such a big platform to be open and honest about mental illness and the struggles that come with it. Previously Dream would put down a lot of ADHD symptoms to him being tired or having an off day or being dumb. Which obviously sometimes that can be the case but mental illnesses affect people’s “normal” functions a lot more than they think. Dream finally using terms like “fixation” and being open about struggles like medication and setbacks is amazing to see. 

To clear some things up as a lot of people having been critical about Dream talking about not taking medication, everyone has a different experience with ADHD so just because someone doesn’t take pills it doesn’t mean they can’t help someone else. 

(you can skip this paragraph if you don’t care about me and are just here for Dream it doesn’t really add my Dream opinion but it’s an alternative view of ADHD and medication)I personally can’t take pills for any of my illnesses because of have a fear of choking and being sick so whilst taking pills might help my ADHD it will bring up my anxieties. On top of that I have a rare eating disorder where I am restricted to 5 safe foods and physically can’t eat/drink anything else. (It’s called ARFID for the people who have previously asked) Also to make it worse I have Hyperosmia (super strong sense of smell), Phantosmia (can smell things that aren’t real, like entering a random room and it smelling like chicken) and Hypergeusia (fucked up sense of taste) so basically I smell and taste things that don’t exist as well as taste almost all individual ingredients in food (like a smoothie I can pick out every ingredient) so I physically can’t take medication. 

So medication affects people differently depending on the person. For Dream taking pills calms his ADHD and helps him focus but it messes up his creative thoughts and in a way “sucks the happiness out of him”. So for Dream it’s either take medication to slow down the brain but he’s lowkey bored or don’t take the medication and have his brain going super fast but he also has things that keep him happy and occupied. 

Regarding the “normal” part a lot of people are upset about that mostly because they don’t understand. When I was diagnosed with ADHD they offered me medication and said it would “help me and my brain function normally” obviously it’s not meant in a harmful way however it gives the impression that ADHD isn’t normal and if you have ADHD then something is wrong with you. A lot of people seem to think this is Dream “telling” people that medication doesn’t help, which if he was it would be understandable to be mad about however I personally didn’t take it as “essential oil Facebook mum propaganda” but as something that he was told as a child. I personally think the reason he had that little detail was because even though it’s an offhanded comment it can definitely impact you so much and I think that a bit of Dream’s brain still thinks that. 

(This is a big example using cc’s as well as my own opinion on how taking medication can benefit some. It’s not important so you can stop reading the post if you’re not interested as this is the final paragraph. It adds a bit to the conversation but isn’t life changing it’s basically another explanation for NT using content creators to make it easier) A lot of mental disabilities either clash or combine with each other so medication can obviously help. However it depends on the person. Let’s use Techno as an example. Him and Dream have a lot of similarities from things like height and age to them both having ADHD. I know Techno has previously mentioned taking medication for ADHD and I think he still does. Compare that to Dream who doesn’t take medication for his. Obviously they can have different levels of ADHD but for this explanation they have the exact same ADHD. So this is two very similar people with ADHD one takes medication to help his ADHD and the other doesn’t. Personally I think Techno’s calmness and monotone is partially down to taking medication and I think that if Dream was to take medication it would also make him more calmed and “bland”. In my personal opinion Dream on medication would be a completely different person and not in a good way. Similiarly I think that Techno without medication would make him a lot more like Karl. 

TLDR; IF YOU GOT UPSET AT DREAM REFERRING TO MEDICATION AS NORMAL PILLS AND YOU’RE NT SHUT THE FUCK UP. IF YOU’RE ND HERE’S A BIT OF EXPLANATION FROM SOMEONE WITH ADHD WHO CAN’T TAKE MEDS.

Crazy timing as I was about to post this, Dream made a tweet referring to people getting genuinely mad about the medication and ADHD thing

[the-stray-liger]

As a student in art school about to graduate- do you have any tips to get in the habit of taking breaks and avoiding burnout?

The thing with breaks is that you either take the fucking break or your body will decide when to take it for you and you will not like it. The brain is like any other organ, if you don’t use it enough it weakens and if you overexert it it will fail and leave you incapacitated 

Set timers. Set as many timers as you can and follow them religiously. I know a lot of artists think that taking a break means stop making art for work/school and making personal art but that is super fucking wrong. You need REAL breaks during which you DON’T make any fucking art. Lock your computer or your tablet, put your sketchbook away and for a while dedicate yourself to do something you enjoy that isn’t art. Art schools inp articular love pushing the narrative in whcih if you’re not making art and suffering 24/7 you’re not a real artist. Fuck that SHIT in the ass with a fucking cactus

Consuming new media is like charging batteries for your brain. Just like eating, you need to consume things to keep your brain nourished so it can create and work properly. Read a book, watch a movie, read some comics, watch anime, whatever inspires you and makes you feel good. Go outside, play some games, love your pet, talk to another person, ya know the drill

Have some hobbies that aren’t art related. I love building gunpla for example, that is a wonderful way to keep my hands and brain occupied and it’s stimulating and super fun because you’re actually making something and it’s very fullfilling

Again, set up a schedule AND FUCKING FOLLOW IT, take your breaks on time, SLEEP AND EAT PROPERLY. I know half of this goddamn website is adhd (I am too) so following schedules isn’t something that comes naturally, but just like you have learned to have the discipline to draw every day you WILL have to learn the discipline to take care of your fucking brain whether you like it or not. 

I know hyperfocus is how a lot of adhd/nd folks out there manage to stay productive but it’s not healthy, at all. I know it because I was a victim of it, I hyperfocused on art and that contributed a lot to my burnout because I stayed working for hours even after I was physically exhausted. You can’t let your neurodivergency take control of your life like that to the point where you have worked so much you’re physically and mentally unable to do it anymore. That’s why it’s important to set timers and force yourself to fucking follow the fucking schedule

Try different things. If you’re a lineart based artist like me, give painting a shot. If you’re a painter try doing something cartoony. If you dry mostly digital try traditional art. You know the drill, try to expand your skillset, learn something new for fun. That keeps your brain active and lets you be creative in a different way. It’s cool to have preferences when it comes to art, but if you stay drawing always the same thing you will not only not progress but you will get tired very fast and burn out. 

Not really related but also kinda related: be really careful with social media. Nowadays every website’s objective is to fuck artists over as much as possible by reducing their visibility and hence the amount of notes/views the artists get and for many artists that is literally their livelihood. Ngl it’s good to have your effort seen and recognized and praised but part of my burnout was also due to trying to keep up with punitive algoritms that killed my visibility. I tried to work more, harder, I tried anything to try and get my art to be more popular and when I didn’t get a proportionate response I collapsed. I have a personality disorder in which I am pretty much unable to define myself if I’m not being validated by other ppl and this treatment from social media straight up destroyed me. So again, be careful not to make the amount of notes you get online the only source of validation and approval. Learn to love your work and appreciate your own effort, that will teach you to not push yourself to the point of burnout too

Anyway sorry if I seem aggressive I am very very very stressed right now but I promise I really really want to help as many ppl as I can avoid the shit I have been dealing with for more than a year now

Congratulations on your graduation anon!!! I hope you all the good luck and happiness in the world, I hope this helps somehhow!

[alfred-horsecock]

Your favorite Incarnation of Christ is being tested for ADHD and it made me think some thoughts

This is going to be long and poorly written for Comedic Effect so TL;DR basically smart kids are pretty much always overlooked in the education system and it's not just "GiFtEd KiD bUrNoUt hAhA" you were literally ignored by the people who were supposed to be there to help you.

I was Very Smart™ as a kid (like major fucking big brain smart). I learned to read at two, I could read at a college level by seven or eight, picked up on stuff fast, good at writing, good grades, a bunch of Smart Guy interests, went through books faster than a midget after three lines of coke blah blah blah, which basically means(I promise this isn't just going to be me flexing my massive intellect on everybody, so bear with me).

I was also absolutely terrible at socializing, had a pretty much non-existent attention span when it came to doing things I didn't want to do, was a MASSIVE procrastinator, was chronically bored, switched between obsessive interests on a pretty much weekly basis, was yelled at for reading in class instead of paying attention, got picked on for being "weird", and didn't have many friends until almost 7th grade. I was tested for autism when I was five because I would cry when people would interact with me in public of this weird speech impediment that I had where I would basically repeat words/sentences under my breath after saying them out loud (cool story: Albert Einstein, WHO WAS ALSO APPARENTLY NEURODIVERGENT, had the same speech impediment as a child), and I was apparently just "very smart and needed some time for my brain to catch up with itself" (whatever the fuck that means???).

In middle school I decided to stop being liked by teachers (and pretty much everyone else) because I thought I was cool and edgy and emo and my parents thought I was cringe as fuck (they were right). Actually long story short I was super depressed and self harming and got sent to a therapist (which was boring and sucked), all of which is a long story for another time.

When I got to highschool I got really loud and extroverted (and actually made friends??? And people thought I was cool weird instead of cringe weird??? Woah??) and I was once again praised for being "smart" and "interesting" by teachers. PLOT TWIST: my grades sucked major ass. It was immediately assumed by every single adult in my life that I either wasn't trying, was lazy, or thought I was too good for school (all of which were wrong and ended up making me think I wasn't smart anymore).

In retrospect, I was actually pushed aside because I didn't need as much supervision as the Dumb Bad Kids™ in elementary school, and I could just be left to read my book and not be a pain in the asses of the teachers who literally went through three years of college to deal with all different types of children, and I never developed good study habits because I didn't need to try at anything, and was never forced to.

This happens to "smart kids" like??? Concerningly often??? To the point where the thought of possibly having a neurological disorder that had been making my life an academic hellscape never even crossed my mind because I thought that ADHD was just fancy teacher slang for "Stupid Kid Who Causes Problems"?? I've been playing life on hard mode without even realizing it???? WHAT?!

Here I sit, at the ripe old age of 16, realizing that if children don't fit into the boxes of SuperGenius Autism Brainpower Piano Dude 3000 or Crazy Loud BassBoosted Noise Machine Dumb Problem Child Turbo HD (Fidget Spinner and FNAF T-Shirt Sold Separately) they are pushed aside because there's nothing "visibly weird" about them and then get called lazy and stupid as teens and adults BY THE SAME FUCKING PEOPLE WHO IGNORED THEM FOR YEARS for not knowing how to properly manage the disorder that they didn't know they had because they never received any sort of guidance or help as kids?!?!?!!?

Long story short, it turns out that it is not Loud Funny Guy Disease, Smart Sexy Weird Dude Disorder, Manicpixiedreamgirlitis, or Because I'm an ENTP and it's actually a neurological disorder :)

[purge-that-urge-rhackathon]

Spoons? What spoons?

Hi yall! Been meaning to check in for a while :3 put under a read more cuz goddamn it has been a while.

SO when last we met LOLOL or some other opener... xD

Dad

Dad’s doing as well as can be expected. His brain is more or less getting back to normal (mom says its not; I told her she’s just seeing him for the first time proper and all the cruel shit he’s saying/doing is very much in-character for him when he’s not always stoned, but thanks to therapy I have the words and stuff to communicate all that abusive shit to her now; I love him but I hate him but we’ll touch on that xD). He’s had three amputations so far and he’s developed osteomyelitis (bone infection) so he’s been doing 2hr ‘dives’ in the Hyperbaric chamber every other day to fight it up to 10 dives. I’m told its $200,000 treatment which their new health insurance is fully paying for cuz one surgery already hit the $20,000 premium (don’t even get me started on THAT fight I had to do to get them signed up so we’d still have a place to live- they don’t ‘believe’ in insurance cuz they dont know shit... lawsuits are still pending and will be for the next 2-3yrs i expect). So... yeah. Mom has stepped up with a lot of stuff and she’s better educated on it all too thank fuck.

Thank fuck for therapy

The entire time dad’s stuff has been taking place, I’ve been attempting therapy, which was never explained to me properly/offered of ‘why am i here’ sort of thing, soooo about 4months (5-6 sessions of 30min therapy) turned out to be a COMPLETE waste of time. I’m on mediCal and the clinic they assigned me to only deals with mild-moderate trauma and can only see me for max. of six months when most patients make an improvement. Asking the therapist when we’d actually get to the trauma and triggers and all the other shit I’ve been pursuing therapy for two years over resulted in some clarity and I’ve been putting off making the phone call X_X My therapist only deals with singular trauma, and she said I have complex/multiple trauma with PTSD, and there’s no possible way (in my opinion and hers as well) I’d get any modicum of ‘better’ in six months cuz I’m too damaged, so like... that’s fun to know. I’ve been living in denial about my quality of life for decades and hearing it from a professional has considerably destroyed my sense of self (as it should tbh cuz these rose colored glasses are made of broken bottles LOL). Everything about myself revolves around survival tactics so I’m kind of floundering about living in lies (cuz coming to terms with trauma you’ve convinced yourself doesn’t actually bother you too much will do that, and ‘fawning’ is apparently one of the flight/fight responses and hardcore how i’ve lived these past decades) sooooo that’s what I’m dealing with and it’s super painful to come to terms with. If you’ve ever had to eat fast-food ketchup packets cuz you’re so hungry as a child and there’s nothing else you can have and they’re free, WELP then you might have a very very small window of what my quality of life has been like (: and me and my sister just thought we were fat kids for always being hungry constantly LOL

Also thank fuck for brain medication

On the good news end, I’ve officially been medicated just over 2months for my adhd :D I’m on atomoxetine (strattera) and it’s COMPLETELY gotten rid of my executive dysfunction, I can get up in the morning regardless of how much sleep I’ve gotten, and I have much more energy and motivation to do stuff :) My medication isn’t a stimulant but works on the adrenal glands (which I suspected from various other body ailments might be the source of a LOT of my problems-- especially the chronic fatigue- and if the meds took them away, then I was right, and they did, so.... adrenal gland fixer yay!) and anyways it’s improved life a lot. It gives me goosebumps sometimes too which is funny but I’m real happy with it. If anyone has any questions, I’ve always been a loud mouth irl about my disorders in order to be visible and unashamed for others, and I’ve helped a lot of peers irl with mental bullshit and I’m always willing to pay it forward! :)

The doom and gloom stuff xD

I’m trying to get back into writing. Desperately. I spend time at night writing a couple of sentences when it’s quiet, but then I usually pass out in five minutes cuz tbh I don’t really sleep anymore and I haven’t since dad’s accident so progress on my creative endeavors is going very very slow. Lord knows I have the fucking time rn. I’ve been getting one shift a week at work since June cuz there’s NO hours, so I’m freaking out about money (i’m probably gonna open commissions again), and my life, and my age, and how I’ll never get out of fucking debt at this rate, and how I’m so fucking mentally fucked cuz I can’t do two/three jobs with my fucking adhd and shit, and I want to move out but I can’t live with other people cuz of the aforementioned trauma/distrust and it’s not like anywhere is affordable anyways in this hell country soooo. Yeah. I’m at the point of taking out balance transfers from credit cards to deposit cash into my bank account cuz i can’t fucking survive otherwise and I guess I’ll figure that out next month. I joke around but are any of you an escort/have you done that kind of work before/could I ask questions? >_> I need options. If I could sell an organ for about $25k i’d just do that but i AM desperate and I’m open to any and all suggestions for quick cash no matter how demeaning. Can’t demean someone who’s used to it all their life! :D Real talk tho i’m not kidding, if anyone could point me to some resources, DM me :|

So yeah that’s what’s up in a nutshell. Really REALLY wanna write and finish some shit... existential dread and basic survival is getting in the way of that. Bear with me though, it’s been a very very tough year but nothing has been abandoned and I’m definitely around. Just rarely have the spoons to do shit :D

[holyzombiecoffee]

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[kinthulou]

So I just went on ADHD meds for the first time.

To start: I JUST SAW A SMALL TASK NEEDING TO BE DONE AND DID IT WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT. IT’S DONE. WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE. I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE UNTIL I WAS DONE. NO ONE TOLD ME DOING TASKS WAS THIS EASY. 

But also it’s been a wild experience. Here’s my first day list of things I have noticed: 1. My brain is so quiet. On a normal day, I have 7-13 trains of thought careening wildly around through my cranium. Today I have 2. One of them’s the radio. If i try to multitask, the brain radio stops playing music at me entirely. I do not like quiet brain. 

2. Quiet brain is completely impacting my creative process. I’ve grown so accustomed to depending on all that fast convoluted thinking as part of how I generate creativity and focus on said creativity and now none of that’s happening on its own. I shall be spending the afternoon trying to write and see if I can summon any creativity on demand instead of being consumed by it like usual. 

3. My anxiety disorder has been firmly put in the corner. It’s in time out, folks. If I look for it, it’s still there and I can feel it, but I haven’t been this not anxious since I was in England back in 2010.  4. I have been slowed down to normal person speeds. I did not death march on the morning dog walk. I did not scarf down my breakfast like I only had two minutes to eat. My two trains of thought are just gliding merrily along. There is no careening. It’s kind of boring. 

5. Decisions are still hard. Beginning a task and seeing it through to the end is not. I’m going to have to start making detailed to-do lists for med day. 

6. My relationship with time is all sorts of fucked up???? Time feels like a real thing more than it ever has before in my life, but at the same time it’s crawling along 10x slower than I’m used to. I feel like it should be night. It is just after lunch. What is happening. 

7. My processing delay is gone!!! I can pay better attention to things!!!!! I got through FIFTY WHOLE MINUTES of a graduation livestream that was SUPER BORING before my attention wandered and I didn’t have a two to three second delay in understanding what the speakers were saying! It’s so weird! 

8. I can shift my attention like right away???? Just like BOOM SNAP HI I AM PAYING ATTENTION TO A NEW THING NOW. I did it in the middle of writing this post to listen to my partner read a thing to me and then came RIGHT BACK TO THIS POST.

9. I AM SO HAPPY. Uncertain if this is a med thing or just the fact that my anxiety disorder is in time out and the sun is out today so the SAD beast has gone into hiding.  10. I feel like I have SO MUCH ENERGY but only in waves. Very strange. I did a twirling dance across the parking lot and it was fun. 

[yikesharringrove]

Hello! i don’t think i’ve given you any of my weird headcanons in a hot minute so here’s a new favorite! Steve with ADHD, at first nobody notices it, he gets along well enough as a young kid people just think he has an active imagination, when in real it y he just can’t pay attention. He’s in 5th grade when his teacher pulls him out of class and tells him he needs to start paying attention, Steve almost starts crying as he tries to explain to her that he just can’t, that it doesn’t work (pt.1)

(pt.2) so the teacher tells him to stay back after class that day, he totally forgets and almost ends up leaving just further probing her suspicions. She asks him to extol in what he means, he doesn’t know what to say, says that too many things are happening for him to pay attention in class, and that sometimes if he hears another teacher he’ll end up listening to that, or if he can look out a window he’ll get distracted, and she already knows what’s going on, calls his parents for a meeting

(pt.3) So his mom comes in, his dad “could make it” but that works out for steve because his mom actually gets him tested, and his test comes back positive so he has to take meds now and sure his grades aren’t the best but they are so much better and he can actually sit in class and focus, but randomly in his sophomore year tommy finds the pills and makes fun of him and he gets so embarrassed that he just stops taking them, and his grades drop bad and he can’t focus and he feels like shit 

(pt.4) he goes around like that for a while feeling lost and distracted but refusing to take his meds and be lame, he only starts taking them again after nancy breaks up with him because he needs to focus on something that isn’t the break up, but they aren’t working well which is to be expected he hasn’t taken them in more then a year, so he ends up totally freaking out and that’s how billy finds him, sitting on the bathroom floor with the WORST headache he’s ever had and he takes pity on him

(pt.5) billy and steve were kind of friends after the fight they had talked and worked things out, not super close but enough to not be so weird around each other anymore, so billy takes him home and makes sure he gets new meds and makes sure he keeps taking them and on days when he can tell steve is space and distracted and clearly forgot he’ll drive to his house and make him take them, and steve will bitch and moan but he actually loves that someone cares enough to make sure he’s ok

(optional pt.6) billy realizing he really likes steve when steve is talking about a special interest and getting super happy and he just can’t help but feel in love with him (is this totally based off my expletive with adhd? yes it is! is this the exact way my hug said she realized she love me? yes it is 🥰)

Hi! I have another one of your AMAZING headcanons in my drafts still, I’m working on it I’m sorry I’m the slowest writer ever.

So, I think I’ve said this, but ADHD makes A LOT of sense for Steve. I don’t have ADHD, so I’m sorry if this is in accurate, I did some research, didn’t want this to be like, bad.

Also, I put him on Ritalin for timing purposes and bc it can cause panic attacks. 🤷‍♀️ and his favorite animals are giraffes, goats and lobsters, 3 of my favorite animals.

Read on ao3

When Steve was little, he could never focus on something for longer than ten minutes.

He would be running through the house, leaving toys on the ground when he remembered a game he could play in another room. His nannies would roll their eyes, picking up after him.

When he got to school, it was more of the same. He would get distracted by every bird that he could see outside. He would be in the middle of class, the teacher would say something about giraffes and his mind would race about animals, would think about every country in Africa he could name, would think about whether or not Lithuania was in Africa.

His grades would slip, tests were a nightmare when he got caught up watching a bee buzzing near the window, only to realize he had answered three questions and only had eleven minutes left.

He was always a poor student, until fifth grade.

Mrs. Wilson had called him up after class, had noticed him zoning out and was about to chide him when she noticed the tears in his eyes.

“I just, I don’t know what happens, sometimes, my thoughts go too fast for my own brain and I can’t focus.” He was sniffling across from her.

“Steve, I’m going to have a chat with your parents. You’re not in trouble, but I think we can help you.” She smiled as she pat his shoulder, letting himself get collected before going to his next class.

She called his parents in at the end of the day, his mother sitting in the seat next to Steve, the principal joining them.

“I’ve noticed some trends in Steve’s school work and his presence in class. We think it may be in his best interest to test him for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. We feel that pinpointing the problem for him may be more helpful moving forward.

Mrs. Harrington agreed, waved her hand in a way that said she was bored of the conversation. Steve spent the whole next Saturday going through various tests, was wrung dry by the end of the day, but left with a clear diagnosis.

He began taking a low does of Ritalin, began focusing in class. His grades skyrocketed, getting the very first B+ he had ever gotten on his English essay.

He was okay until sophomore year.

He was an okay student, could focus in class, but not necessarily retain or understand the information.

But then Tommy found the pills, had laughed at him and called him retarded, the word that had haunted him his whole life, spat at him by the father that didn’t care about him.

So he flushed the pills, never refilled his prescription.

His grades slipped immediately. He wasn’t able to focus in class, had gone back to the days of staring out the window and getting confused about why it was called a square root.

He was constantly moving, would bounce his leg, would tap his pencil, would sometimes take the hall pass and just walk.

He knows taking his meds would fix the problem, but he had Nancy know, didn’t want her to know this weakness of his, this shameful secret.

But then he didn’t have Nancy, and his thoughts were racing, jumping from Nancy to demodog to Barb to Billy to his dad to Nancy to demodog to Barb to Billy to his dad to Nancy to-

He broke down February of senior year.

Graduation was soon as Steve’s grades were ass. He needed to focus on something that wasn’t Nancy, demodog, Barb, Billy, his dad. So he filled his old prescription, took the same does he had two years ago and went to school.

When he was first put on the meds, he was told panic attacks and anxiety could be a side effect. He had never experienced that before, but now, now he lived in constant anxiety, and with his Ritalin, he was a mess.

He had locked himself in the bathroom above the gym, the one nobody uses. He was on the floor, trying to ground himself against the wall, trying to think of anything other than Nancy, demodog, Barb, Billy, his dad, Nancy, demodog, Barb, Billy, his dad, Nancy, demodog, demodog, demodog, demodog-

“Pretty Boy?”

Billy was in front of him, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Steve.

“B-Billy?”

“You okay? You’re kinda, kinda losin’ it.”

“I, I went off my meds for a, a few years, and I put myself back on them, and it’s, I, I know it’s lame, but they usually help and now-” he sobbed as Billy pulled him into his chest, soothing him softly.

“What meds?”

“Ritalin. It’s for, for ADHD.” Billy huffed a laugh.

“I fuckin’ knew it. The way you talk a mile a damn minute.” Steve’s heart sank. “And it’s not lame. Some peoples’ brains are just, wired different.”

Steve was starting to calm down, the anxiety shoving over into a raging headache. He groaned into Billy��s shoulder.

“What’s up?”

“Head hurts.”

“Want me to take you home.” Steve just nodded, his eyes squeezed shut. Billy drove him home, sat with him while Steve called his doctor, made an appointment for next weekend.

Steve had gotten a new medication, adjusted to his current state. The new meds were like magic, allowing Steve to focus when he needed, wouldn’t let him fall into hyperfocus on something that wasn’t productive. He finished senior year on a good note, with okay-enough grades to score his diploma.

He spent the summer at Scoops, working alongside Robin.

Billy came in every day. Would sit with him on Steve’s break. On the days Steve seemed more spaced, he would marrow his eyes, would say you didn’t take your meds today, would drive to Steve’s house to get them for him, would make sure he took them, would take drinks out of Steve’s hands at parties, would make sure he wouldn’t do anything to interfere with them, would dread the days he would find Steve nauseous from the meds.

Bonus:

Steve realized he was in love with Billy when he found out Billy starting keeping a small store of Steve’s meds in his car, would update them periodically to make sure they were safe, effective.

Billy realized he was in love with Steve when he was talking about every animal he could name. He showed Billy the small library of books he had bought for himself about animals, could explain the difference between kingdom, class, phylum, and genus. Was throwing out Latin names for his favorite animals, giraffa camelopardalis, capra aegagrus hircus, nephropidae. Billy couldn’t help himself, had just leaned over and kissed him, left Steve giggling as they made out.