#after this scene the voice actor changed and i started crying

[foxgloveciara]

Why is he everywhere.

[jayteacups]

It's A Wrap!

Working on Attack on Titan as a makeup artist has irreversibly changed your life. As the end rapidly approaches, you find that letting go is harder than you’d thought. After years of harbouring feelings for Levi that you can’t divulge, his final day on set arrives. You know it’s time to say goodbye to him and part ways—but maybe you don’t have to. 

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x GN!Reader 

Tags & warnings: Actor!Levi, Makeup artist!Reader, fluff, confessions, friends/idiots to lovers, alcohol consumption, briefly implied sexual content, AOT finale spoilers

Word count: 6.9k words

A/N: I’m back, happy Levi month everyone! I wrote this over the last month to cope with the fact AOT was ending and also life stuff. This is incredibly self indulgent, also I would love to tell more stories and scenarios in this AU, so this probably won’t be the last one-shot I write for actor!Levi and MUA!Reader hehehe. Disclaimer that I don't work in film or TV or makeup, sorry if there are any inaccuracies. Also please forgive me for the uncreative title, lol. Hope you enjoy the fic!

Levi’s last day on set is bittersweet. 

For the final time, you lean against the wall and count down the seconds on your watch. The trailer door swings open to reveal the man of the hour. On par for the course, Levi arrives fifteen minutes on the dot before his scheduled arrival time. He’s holding his usual steaming flask of tea in one hand, with a nondescript rucksack (save for a Badtz-Maru keychain gifted to him from the Sanrio collaboration) slung over his shoulder. 

“Hey,” you greet him, pushing off from the wall, moving towards him like a moth to flame. He sets down his things in the sitting area and meets you halfway, letting you pull him into your arms. After years of working alongside each other, you’ve both grown accustomed to greeting each other like this in private, especially after the stress the two of you had put yourselves under during the Season 3 shoots. 

“How are you feeling? It’s your last day.” You ask him as the two of you part. To your dismay, you’re already missing the warmth of his embrace. 

“I’m fine. I’m not going to get all sappy about it.” His face is placid.

“That’s what Hange said when they filmed their death scene, and we saw how that ended,” you say lightheartedly. Hange had sworn to remain jovial and upbeat throughout their last day, but after seeing the several other actors cry at their phenomenal acting, they had promptly broken down. “And I bet you anything that Eren’s going to say that when he and Mikasa do the cabin scene next week, and we all know he’ll be the first to start crying and the last to stop.” 

Levi rolls his eyes before he enters the wardrobe area, but you know he’s not serious. “If you think I’m going to break down in tears like Hange and the kids did, you’re dead wrong,” he continues, out of sight. 

You smile. “Sure. It’s alright, you know, if you do end up crying. It’s an end of an era, we’re all going to get emotional.” 

A few moments later, Levi emerges in costume, sans the bandages. He sits down in front of the mirror at the vanity table. “Yes, but I’m satisfied with what I’ve done here, and I have no regrets,” he muses out loud, continuing on from before. “And it’s not like I’m done with the show. There’s the wrap party, then the press tour and all that. So don’t expect me to get all worked up today. I’m not saying goodbye to Attack on Titan just yet.” His voice softens towards the end. 

But it is goodbye for us, you wish to say. And I don’t want it to be. You haven’t been contracted for any of their press events. After you finish with Attack on Titan, you’ll have a handful of weeks before your upcoming contract for a new show begins. It’s a wonderful opportunity; the show is airing on a major streaming service and requires you to push your SFX skills to the limit. Sasha had been cast in one of the main roles and both Onyankopon and Nifa will make appearances too, so you’ll see some familiar faces on this new project. But selfishly, you aren’t ready to let go and move forward. Selfishly, you aren’t ready to part ways with Levi. 

Sure, the two of you will make an effort to talk every now and then. You know him far better than to assume he’ll stop talking to you the moment Attack on Titan is finished; despite him being standoffish at first, it’s clear Levi cares deeply about everybody he’s ever worked with, cast or crew alike. But the chances of your demanding schedules ever lining up again are close to zero, and sooner or later, your frequent messages will fizzle out into a conversation lost to the ages. You’ll drift, until the two of you are strangers once more. It’s inevitable; you’ve seen it happen before with your actor friends from old projects. No doubt it’ll happen again. 

You consider addressing the elephant in the room, wondering if it lingers on his mind, too. But instead, you hum in agreement and pass him a headband to hold his hair out of the way. He puts it on, clearly content to not bring it up just yet. 

Levi chews on the inside of his cheek as you sort out your equipment on the vanity table. Your eyes are immediately drawn to his lips, which are a little more chapped than usual. It’s clear there is something else that’s bothering him, but you decide to let it go for now. Sometimes Levi just needs to sit with his thoughts for a moment. You’ve learned that being pushed just makes him close himself off even more. A life in the limelight can be unforgiving. Kuchel Ackerman had been the brightest star of her generation, but behind the scenes, her personal life was far from glamorous. It doesn’t surprise you that her son keeps his heart and feelings well-guarded. 

As he sits and stews, you apply chapstick and some basic ‘barely-there’ makeup on his face, before creating the illusion of a hard-fought battle by adding a light layer of grime to his face. You’ll add more after the scar and bandages. As you work, Levi takes out a folder from his bag, which is embellished with a small cat sticker that Hange had stuck on years ago. From it, he takes his copy of the script, nary a crease in the sheets. Brow furrowed, he reads it over and over, mouthing his lines with the fervour of a prayer. 

Now, that is odd. 

“There is something on your mind, isn’t there?” You’ve also read the script for today’s scene. The director had decided to save Levi’s most poignant scene—where his character salutes the ghosts of his fallen comrades—for the very end of his shoot. (Levi’s epilogue scene had been shot a week prior.) This would be his most challenging scene yet, for it would be the first time he and his character will ever cry on screen. “You can tell me if you want. Anything you need to help you focus. There’s still time.” You give him a quick squeeze on his shoulder. 

Stormy eyes glance up at his reflection, than up at yours. He puts down the script and sighs, voice subdued. “I just want to do the Captain’s ending justice, and I don’t think I can.” 

“I think you can,” you murmur. You gesture for him to close his eyes, and pick up your finest brush. Willing your hand and heart into steadiness, you bring the brush up to his forehead, where the largest scar begins. You’ll never get used to how infuriatingly gorgeous he is. “No. I know you can. There is no doubting just how much you care about portraying him correctly.” 

He swallows. “Well, I’ve never cried on camera before.” He stops, giving you a moment to work. 

With the utmost care, you begin to draw the main line of the largest scar, the one that passes through his eye and lips. As the brush passes over his eyelid, it twitches ever so slightly, his long lashes tickling your hand. Smiling, you brush away a stray lash that had fallen onto his cheek. As you extend the line down his cheek, you try to reassure him. Levi’s usually so steadfast, but it makes sense that something like this would grow heavy on his mind. 

“You’ve been practicing it with your coach, though, right? I mean, I’ve had to cover up your swollen eyes a number of times this season.” 

“Yeah. Thanks for that, by the way.” 

“Don’t mention it.” 

The brush reaches his lips. He opens his eyes, looking up at you through lowered lashes. Your heart aflutter, you staunchly ignore any and all thoughts of kissing him. Doing so has become more and more difficult with every passing day. Especially when every now and then, you think you see him glancing down at your lips whenever you lean in close to examine a detail of your work. 

It’s more than likely that you’re imagining it, though. 

Finally, the brush reaches his chin, finishing the outline of the first scar. You lean back to admire your work. After many instances of painstakingly painting on the scars and agonising over continuity, you don’t have to look at your old reference pictures to know the exact shape and curve of them, down to the millimetre. But you do so anyway, and smile in satisfaction when you compare today’s line to the pictures from the first time you drew them on him for practice. A perfect match. 

“I know you’ve been working hard at it,” you continue assuring him, putting down the reference photos. “You’ve definitely come a long way.” 

“Yeah, but I’m shit at it, actually. All those times we joked about how Eren would take forever to conjure a single tear every time he needed to cry, and now here I am in the exact same position. He’s going to rub this in my face should he ever find out.” He chews the inside of his cheek again, looking down. “Damn it. Don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I’m not… I don’t get nervous. I don’t show up to work feeling unprepared. That isn’t me. But today, it is.” 

It’s unsettling, to see him so unsure of himself. His nerves are understandable, as he came into the show with more of a stuntman background and little actual acting experience. But anybody who’s worked alongside him could easily tell you just how dedicated he is to improving his craft, and that nobody else could play the Captain with the same quiet subtleties that Levi brings to the screen. 

You hope your smile is somewhat reassuring to him. “And that’s okay. You know, crying on command really isn’t easy. I’ve worked with countless actors and many also find it difficult.” In your experience, most actors need a while to work themselves up to cry. The most obvious exception is Armin, who has the unnerving ability to turn it on and off like a light switch. “For you, all you need to do is make one tear out of one eye. You’ve managed to do that before, right?” 

He nods, but the firm clench of his jaw and the crease between his brows don’t fade.

“So, it’s nothing that you haven’t practiced. And on the off chance that you can’t do it today, that’s perfectly fine. I have eyedrops in my bag.” 

“Yeah, but…” He shakes his head in frustration. “This is going to sound dumb, but it… I don’t know, that feels like cheating. I know you’re thinking I’m being an idiot, and I probably am. I know eyedrops are common practice. It’s just… This is my character’s last moment before the epilogue, and I want it to be real. I don’t want to take the easy way out.” 

“No, it’s not stupid. There’s no shame in needing to use eyedrops if you end up not being able to cry today, but it’s really admirable that you want to do it as authentically as possible. I think that since this is your final scene, and so many people are returning this morning, it’ll be easier than usual to muster up those tears.” Reaching for a set of different brushes and paint, you instruct him, “here’s what we’re going to do. I need you to just listen whilst I do the rest of your scars. I don’t want you to get trapped in your head about this, okay? Overthinking will just make it harder to get into character. Isn’t that what you said to Mikasa all those years back? It worked wonders for her. I often forget that this show was her first ever gig, with how good she’s become.” 

He scoffs. “Really? You’re using my own words against me?”

“Well, what use is your own advice if you can’t follow it yourself?” 

After a moment of hesitation, Levi sighs in defeat and closes his eyes again. “Shit, you’re relentless. Fine, then. I’ll trust you.” 

You get to work, drawing the outlines of the second scar parallel to the first, then the smaller ones on his other cheek. As you add in the details, such as the texture of the stitches, you remind Levi of another story that he himself told you. He’d never worked with horses before being cast in this show, and yet was one of the quickest learners. Unsurprisingly so, since he’s incredibly kinaesthetically intelligent. To this day, the cast insists he looks the most at ease atop a horse, only second to Erwin, who actually used to ride in his childhood. You remind him that every single time, his hard work has more than paid off.

Somewhere down the line, you go off topic. Levi makes no move to stop you. In fact, he seems content just to listen to you talk about anything, everything. As the wounds take shape on his face, you reminisce on anecdotes from set, on the time the two of you spent together. With fondness, you recall your first meeting. Back then, you were an lowly assistant on the SFX team, transforming an unassuming man into the wounded soldier who, in his dying moments, listened to the Captain’s vow to eradicate the titans and bring meaning to his sacrifice. You talk about how the two of you grew closer during the filming of the second season, when Levi had a lot more free time to talk. How difficult the third season had been to film due to both of you being spread thin by additional responsibilities.

You skim over that time Levi mentioned you in an interview when asked about a favourite memory on set, and how warm it made you feel. You don’t talk about how you’d genuinely teared up after watching the final cut of the scene where Hange discovers a half-dead Levi by the riverbank, despite knowing that his ‘injuries’ were nothing more than your own handiwork.

And, with your heart clenching painfully, you certainly don’t dare to bring up the almost-kiss at last year’s cast and crew Halloween party.

——— 

“Cut! Perfect! Aaand that’s a wrap for Levi!” 

The set erupts into thunderous applause. You clap heartily alongside the rest of the cast and crew. A deafening symphony of whoops and cheers fills the air, and if not for the growing lump in your throat, you’d join in too. 

A standing ovation. Levi deserves it and more. Just as you expected, every angle the director wanted to capture had needed one take each, not a single one more. No eyedrops needed. 

From your position, you can see Levi still sitting by the rock. Strangely, he makes no move to get up. Curious as to why, you peer past some crew members that had moved in the way, but you’re greeted with a sight that pulls at your heartstrings. Your eyes sting with new tears. 

Curled up by the rock, Levi has his face buried in his hands, his shoulders heaving with quiet sobs. 

Something in your chest aches. You knew that he would get emotional at the end—there was no way he wouldn’t, especially considering that his character cried too—but you didn’t expect him to feel so overwhelmed. 

On instinct, your feet propel you towards him, but you’re promptly cut off by a few other crew members moving around. Through your rapidly blurring vision, you can only watch as several of the returning cast members rush forward from the smoke. Hange reaches him first, and pulls him into a bone-crushing hug. Erwin is second, kneeling next to the duo and rubbing Levi’s back comfortingly. 

Sniffling, you quickly wipe away your tears, remembering suddenly that you still have something to do. Unnoticed, you slip away from set.

There is a tradition amongst the cast that whenever a character dies, the actor receives a bouquet of flowers from the cast and crew. (A size limit had to be enforced after a very emotional Gabi had presented Sasha with a bouquet so large it couldn’t fit through the trailer door.) For this final season, the tradition has expanded to gifting the actor a bouquet when they wrap, for the characters that survive all the way to the very end. 

The door to Connie’s trailer is unlocked when you arrive, just as he said it would be. Inside, you find a vase full of vibrantly coloured flowers on the kitchenette counter in the exact spot where you’d left it earlier this morning. Several weeks ago, the cast and crew had all nominated you to put in the order for the bouquet and present it to Levi on his final day, and Connie had offered to help you hide it from Levi until it was time. Careful to not drip water all over the floor, you pick up the flowers and jog back to set. 

The fog machines are being carried out by the time you return. You immediately scan the set for Levi, but it seems he has been completely buried under a massive group hug with the veterans cast, no doubt Hange’s doing. You can’t help but smile at the sight. Most of the crew members appear to be taking a break before clean-up, as it is the end of the day. The air is filled with chatter, but a hush descends upon the crowd as you approach. 

The actors peel away from the hug one by one. A smiling Petra helps Levi get to his feet. The bandages on his face are halfway unravelled. With one hand, he yanks them off, leaving both of his eyes to gaze at you unobstructed, ablaze with an intense emotion you can’t quite place. With his other hand, he quickly wipes away the half-dried tears on his cheeks. 

“On behalf of the cast and crew,” you say hoarsely, “I give you these.” You step forward and present him the bouquet. “It’s been an honour. Thank you for everything, Levi.” 

His fingers gently graze yours as he takes the flowers from you. Tenderly, he holds them close to his chest. 

“I was wondering where you went just now,” he says. Of course he’d noticed. “Should’ve known you’d be the one to give me this…” His voice wavers towards the end. He scoffs and wipes at his eyes. “And to think I was done blubbering like a baby. Damn it. You were right.” 

He pulls you into a hug without a second thought. 

——— 

Somehow, you’ve been roped into taking photos for everyone. Levi unwraps the bandages around his hand before he begins. He first takes a photo with the director and producer, who both thanking him dearly. They part with a handshake. Almost immediately after, the cast members of the Alliance, along with Eren and Zeke, all swarm forward for a big group photo. They’d all come to watch in support, even if several of them weren’t scheduled to come in today. Connie confesses that he’d helped hide the bouquet by letting you into his trailer. Levi makes a light-hearted remark that he should’ve figured that out too, considering Connie also helped hide Hange’s bouquet—which Levi himself had been responsible for ordering and retrieving. 

The veteran actors come forward next. Fitting them all into the camera frame was a challenge, but you manage to do it after one of your makeup assistants finds you a stool. Somehow, Erwin manages to persuade Levi into doing the Scout salute with the rest of them. (“I just did it in the scene, though… Fine, I’ll indulge in your corniness for today, you dorks.”) When he presses his fist to his chest one last time, the veterans erupt into cheers. 

Hange and Erwin both stay back for a little longer. The trio pose for more photos, all grinning widely, though you decide to put a stop to the mini-photoshoot when Hange attempts to pick Levi up bridal-style and almost drops him. 

(“When I said ‘put me down’, I didn’t mean for you to drop me with no fucking warning!” 

“I didn’t mean to drop you. Besides, I caught you, didn’t I? You’re fine, see?”) 

After that fiasco, Levi asks to take one with the original Special Ops Squad, as it had been years since they’d managed to meet up. 

Zeke comes back for another photo, slipping one arm around Levi’s shoulders. As you meet the taller man’s eyes over the top of his phone, he winks mischievously, holding two fingers up in bunny ears above Levi’s unsuspecting head. Say nothing, he mouths to you. With a herculean effort, you suppress your laugh. Zeke has made it his personal mission to photobomb every main cast member from the finale. After months of shooting, Levi is the last one standing, and it’s incredibly entertaining how hard Zeke tries to finish his mission, even now. 

“Hand down, Zeke.” 

“Damn it, how did you know?” 

“You’re about as subtle as Reiner is when he pretends he hasn’t broken a prop.” 

Zeke laughs. “Nothing gets past you, Levi, does it?”

As the two continue to playfully bicker, more jokes than actual verbal barbs, you open the photo you’d managed to take split seconds before Levi called Zeke out. “Mission accomplished,” you say, and a delighted Zeke reaches over Levi’s head to high-five you. Looking mildly betrayed, Levi whips his head back around to face you. 

You grin sheepishly as you pass Zeke’s phone back to him, the photo on display. “Sorry. I had to help him.” 

“Why are you two like this?” Levi says, shaking his head, barely holding back a smile. He and Zeke part after a hug and a promise to get drinks soon.

Levi’s promptly joined by Falco and Gabi, and after their photo is taken, he ruffles their hair affectionately, which makes Gabi yelp. He really has stepped into the ‘cast dad’ role, a development that you find endlessly endearing. Soon after, their parents arrive to take them home— the kids have quite an early start tomorrow to film their scenes with Annie and Kiyomi on the boat. 

Jean and Connie take the chance to snatch a couple of selfies with him, before the latter asks if he could join them to film a TikTok for the show’s official account. To Levi’s utmost relief, it isn’t a dance challenge. Connie instead asks him a few questions about how he feels about the show ending, and what the show means to him—he’s putting together a montage of every cast member’s responses. 

On the sidelines, just out of view, you watch Levi give his answers. An ember of warmth kindles in your chest. 

Soon after, Levi’s approached by the stunt team, headed by an old friend of Levi’s from his stuntman days. She’d made a cameo in the third season as Kenny’s lieutenant. You happily take a group photo for them. 

After you hand Caven’s phone back to her, Hange taps you on the shoulder, having finished catching up with the other cast members. You smile as they hug you tight, swaying on the spot; today is the first time you’ve seen them since they filmed their death scene a few months back. 

“It’s so good to see you!” They say, linking arms with yours. “Sorry it took so long to come and find you.” 

“Don’t worry! It’s lovely having you back. How are you finding your return?” 

“It’s great! I’ve really been missing this, even though it hasn’t been that long.” They pout. 

“Oh, we’ve all missed you too, Hange,” you say, smiling. “Have you been up to much since you left?” 

“Well, I visited my dad for a bit, then I sent in an audition tape for this thriller movie that my agent thinks I’ll be a good pick for. I also got a few other offers, but I’m a little on the fence. I’ll consider those if I don’t get that thriller role, but who knows when I’ll hear back from them?” 

“I bet you’ll get it. Thrillers are right up your alley.” 

“You flatter me, dear,” They grin. “Anyways, I am here to say that you are the only one left who has not taken a picture with Levi. And that needs to change. The two of you need something to remember this day by!” You realise they’ve been guiding you towards the rock, where Levi, Mikasa, Armin and Eren are deep in conversation. The younger actors are laughing boisterously at something Levi had said, heads tilted back, sporting wide grins. Levi’s still cradling his bouquet carefully, a soft smile as he speaks, looking up at his younger cast mates with endearment. Your heart warms at the sight. 

The quartet look up as you approach. The younger actors wave goodbye, disappearing into the crowd. Hange quickly ushers you and Levi together, their phone already out of their pocket. “Alrighty, here we go!” They cheer. “Oi, look lively now, Levi. It’s the last photo!” 

“Was about time we did this,” you whisper to him as you come close. At first, you settle into your usual stance whenever you take a photo with a cast member, but Levi is not just any cast member. Not to you. Gnawing on your lip, you grapple with yourself for a fleeting moment. Your professional side barely puts up a resistance, and so you lean in to whisper a question. Briefly, you wonder what it would feel like to kiss the delicate shell of his ear. You banish the traitorous thought, best as you can. 

“Hey, can I put my arm around you for this?” As close as you and Levi have grown over the years, the two of you save your brief hugs for behind the scenes, in private. Physical affection is rare with him otherwise—whilst the cast tend to be very touchy with one another, Levi is usually seen on the sides, watching them with a quiet fondness in his eyes. That hug from earlier—it had to be a fluke, right? 

And yet, he sighs, and bridges the small gap between you. His free arm moves behind you, a warm, firm hand comes to rest at your back. “You don’t have to ask, you know,” he murmurs in return. “I hugged you earlier, didn't I? Quit worrying. Go ahead.” 

Warmth blooming inside you, you lean sideways towards him on impulse. You slide your own arm behind him, and Levi leans into your touch. “Just so you know,” he continues, “it was an honour working with you too.” 

Hange starts to count down from three. A wave of emotion hits you, almost sweeps you off your feet. This is it. Your last day of working with him.

Still so much left unsaid. 

Straining to keep your composure, you offer a wide, bright smile for the camera. 

——— 

The next few hours are spent tidying and cleaning up. Most of the actors have gone home, but Levi stays behind to help out the crew, as he always does without fail. With how emotionally taxing the day had been, it’s a wonder he didn’t go back to his trailer immediately to crash. As if you couldn’t admire him any more. 

Your eyelids are heavy by the time you finish up and arrive at Levi’s trailer. When you enter, he is slumped in a chair in front of the vanity mirror, already changed out of his costume. 

Neither of you say a single word as you carefully wipe away the scars and the grime. Your traitorous hands linger for a split second too long whenever they brush against his smooth skin. In his stormy eyes are that same intense look he’d given you when you first appeared with the bouquet. 

You wonder what it means. 

Sooner or later, one of you will have to break this fragile silence. Levi decides to take the matter into his own hands, catching you off guard. “I guess this is it.”

The sting in your eyes returns with a fierce vengeance. You turn away for a moment, rapidly blinking your oncoming tears away. An invisible vice clamps down, mercilessly clenching your chest. 

You choke on your words, but you get them out somehow. “I’ll miss you.” Not the three words you’ve been yearning to say for the last year, but it will have to do. “I’m going to miss you. So much. It’s been…” You wrack your brain, but there is no singular adjective you know of that could truly describe the past few years working on this show with him. “You know what I mean. Right?” 

“I know what you mean.” Levi stands, turning to face you properly. The troubled crease between his brows return. “Look, I… I have to tell you something. Hear me out?” 

Your heart thunders in your chest. You nod. “Yeah. Of course.”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Remember this morning? I said I was satisfied with my work here. That I have no regrets.” 

Barely able to breathe, you can only manage to nod. 

“But that isn’t true. Not really. There is one thing I regret,” he says, slowly, cautiously. 

Voice barely a whisper, you ask. “What is it?” 

“That we never talked about what almost happened at Halloween last year.” 

The world comes to a halt. 

Dimmed lights. Bass reverberates through your bones. The aftertaste of a Bloody Mary lingers on your tongue. Levi is just centimetres away, his chest almost flush with yours. His eyes valiantly fight to stay focused on the intricate titan-shifter makeup on your cheeks, before he gives in and his line of sight drops to your lips. Unconsciously, he leans in slightly, seemingly gravitating towards you.

Devastating. That is the first word that comes to your mind. It is high time you realise that he will be the end of you; he could ask anything of you and you’d do it. Your heart beats for him. 

Caught in his orbit, your face tilts towards his.

A drunken crew member barges past, jostling your shoulder. You yelp, stumbling to the side, before Levi’s hands—warm, steady, safe—catch you. The spell broken, he lets go the moment you are upright, averting his eyes from yours. Levi takes a step backwards—a small one, because there is barely any space in the corner of the room the two of you are tucked into. But to you, he suddenly feels so distant, that he might as well be on the other side of the universe. 

“I need some air,” he says, stoic mask falling back into place. Before you can ask him what’s wrong, Levi turns on his heel and disappears into the crowd, taking all the warmth of the room with him. 

No. This is dangerous territory. Since that night, the two of you had constructed an unspoken agreement to pretend nothing had ever happened. Levi had never made any impression that it was anything other than a drunken lapse in professionalism. For a while, you wondered if he even remembered that moment, or if it had all been in your head, a result of you projecting your own desires onto him. 

Regardless, he had never brought it up. You’d been content to do the same. It was—and still is—impossible to fathom that Levi would ever want you. 

“Tell me,” he says hoarsely, “that I wasn’t imagining things that night, and every day since. Tell me I’m not imagining that you’ve been looking at me like…” 

Your breath hitches in your throat. “Like what?” 

“Like that!” He snaps. His hands tremble in a way you’ve never seen before as he gestures towards you, voice tinged with desperation. “Like how you’re looking at me right now. I-I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner. Because if I had… maybe I would’ve…” 

The staggering realisation of what he’s trying to say sinks in. 

Choking back a sob of relief, you reach out for his hands, and he offers them to you with no resistance. A light blush sweeps across his face as he stares at your interlocking fingers with something akin to wonder. 

Breathlessly, you dare to ask. “Do you mean it? That if you had known how I felt, you… you would’ve kissed me?”

“Yes. I would’ve. I wanted to, more than anything.” With that, Levi finally looks up from your joined hands. The burning look he’s been giving you all throughout today—you recognise it, now, plain and simple. 

His earlier words ring in your mind. I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner. 

“Oh, Levi,” you whisper. 

He continues on. “And if I had known how you felt, I wouldn’t have upped and left you like that. I was being a shitty coward, for running away and pretending it never happened, and never giving you an explanation when you deserved one. I was scared, I think, of ruining what we already had. You didn’t imagine anything on my part, it happened, and you didn’t do anything wrong that night… I’m sorry.”

Smiling, you squeeze his hands; warm, steady, safe. “You aren’t imagining things on my end either. I’m in love with you, and have been for a while now.” You don’t need him to say those precious words back for now—Levi’s endearingly clumsy attempt at confessing means more to you than he’ll ever know. “And I forgive you for running out on me that night. We both thought it didn’t mean anything to the other person. For so long, I thought that even if you did, things would never work out, that today would be goodbye, because I have a new contract on the other side of the country, and you’ll be going back to stunt work, a-and…” Your voice trembles, so you force yourself to stop, and breathe. 

“It will work. I swear it, I’m not saying goodbye to you. I don’t care what’s coming next, we can make it work.” He seems to muster his resolve, tugging you closer. “No more dancing around this like idiots. We have enough lost time to make up for.” 

Smiling so widely your cheeks ache, you playfully poke his cheek. “Well, you can always begin with the kiss you owe me, yeah?” 

“You smart-arse.” Levi chuckles, before gently cupping the back of your head with his hand. In a swift movement, he leans in and captures your lips with his.

It’s nothing short of divine. 

Levi kisses you with years worth of yearning behind it. His other hand moves to cradle your face, thumb brushing against the curve of your cheek, wiping away a stray tear of happiness. 

Eyes fluttering shut, you deepen the kiss. Tongues move in tandem, and it isn’t long before hands begin to roam, exploring the terrains of each other’s bodies with an almost innocent curiosity. Heat simmers underneath your skin, a carnal flame yearning to be stoked, to devour. 

For now, though, you’ll have to temper it. 

Coming up for air, you close your eyes, resting your forehead against his. As much as you desperately want him, you don’t want your first time having sex with Levi to be in a trailer on set, with multiple crew members still milling around outside and packing up for the day. You tell him as such, and he murmurs his agreement after kissing you once more. 

“Glad we’re on the same page about that, so…” Realising what you’re about to say next, you choke back a grin at your own cheesiness. “You wanna go back to your place or mine?” 

Levi rests his forehead on your shoulder and chokes back a laugh. “Fuck, that’s such a cliché line.” 

You roll your eyes good-naturedly. “Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want, but the question still stands.” 

He looks up at you, mirth dancing in his eyes. “Yours, then.” 

The time spent packing up and driving back to your home crawls by agonisingly slowly. The moment the two of you cross the threshold onto your home, he’s closing the gap between the two of you, kissing you breathless, thoughtless, until only your longing for him remains. So much so that you almost forget to stop and get a condom out from your drawer—in fact, Levi has to remind you. 

The rare few times you had allowed yourself to think about it, you’d pictured Levi as a tender lover, gentle despite his coarseness. He is all this and more. At his fingertips, you come alive. As he makes love to you, laughs and sweet nothings fill the air between the deep kisses you share. You should’ve expected just how generous he can be in bed, but it still takes you by surprise, the way he worships your body with a deep-rooted reverence, determined to pleasure you over and over. In turn, you reciprocate eagerly, honoured that Levi trusts you to take care of him in return, that he is so readily vulnerable with you. 

Once the two of you are finally, utterly spent, Levi nudges you awake before you can fully slip into a deep doze, cosy and comfortable in his embrace. “Hey. Gotta clean ourselves up, sleepyhead.” 

You chuckle drowsily, and miraculously muster up the strength to crawl out of his arms, out of the warm sheets. “The bathroom is just down the hall,” you yawn, trudging towards a cupboard not the other side of your room. “You can shower first whilst I change the sheets and find you a towel and some spare clothes, ‘kay?” 

“Or,” Levi says, voice hoarse with the same kind of contented exhaustion that makes you yearn to curl up beneath the sheets in his arms, “you could come with me.” He pulls you back in, peppering gentle kisses along your neck and shoulder, which tickle slightly. 

Euphoric, you close your eyes and laugh. “Okay.” 

Showering together is an incredibly sweet, domestic affair. Long after you’ve rinsed off all the lather, you’re both hesitant to leave the warmth of the running water, content to cling onto each other and relish in the feeling of skin against skin. 

After the two of you dry off and change the sheets, you climb into bed. Half awake and basking in each other’s presence, you pull him close, nestling your head on his chest. When was the last time you had felt so cherished, so happy? 

Sleep claims you swiftly, but not before Levi kisses the top of your head and tells you what you already know: 

“I’m in love with you, too.” 

——— 

Several weeks later

The wrap party is well underway by the time you and Levi arrive. 

The lights are dim, and the music reverberates through your bones. Levi’s hand finds a home in the curve of your waist as he guides you through the crowd of drunken cast and crew members. His touch anchors you, and you find yourself smiling giddily. 

After helping yourself to a cocktail, the hours fly by. Apparently, the entire cast plus half of the crew (including all of the makeup assistants under your command) had been rooting for you and Levi to get together. Tonight when you finally revealed you were in a relationship with him to your juniors, you were subjected to an intense barrage of questions. This, however, paled in comparison to Hange’s reaction when Levi held your hand in front of their very eyes—they’d launched an interrogation so brutal you wonder why they didn’t enter law enforcement instead.

Soon after escaping Hange’s interrogation, you two both get another drink. “Everybody seems far too invested in this development than they should be,” you sigh, still frazzled. “How long do you reckon they’ve been shipping us?” 

A look of exasperation flits across Levi’s face. “I don’t know, and I hate that I even know what ‘shipping’ means in this context. Also, I saw Zeke give Erwin money when Hange was drilling us. Fuckers had some kind of bet running on us. Don’t even wanna know how long that had gone on for.”

You tip your head back and laugh. “Colour me unsurprised. That sounds very on-brand for Zeke and Erwin. You know, I think I saw Armin and Connie do the same. Guess Armin’s not as angelic as he looks.” 

“That’s been known, sweetheart. The kid’s a menace in disguise.” He kisses your cheek. “Just like you, actually, now that I think about it.”

Playfully, you swat him away. “Hey, who are you calling a menace?” 

Eventually, the two of you find yourselves catching some air outside, needing a moment to sober up and recalibrate after a whirlwind of social interaction. Levi’s hand returns to your waist and tugs you closer to him, seeking out your warmth. Melting into his touch, you do you best to commit the feeling of his embrace to memory. Soon, you’ll move away for a few months for your next contract, but you no longer fear it. Levi had sworn to you that this would work out, and there is nobody’s word you trust more than his.

Your love for each other has endured for years in the past. A handful more months is nothing.

Levi shifts slightly to get a better look at you, and cups your cheek. Meeting his gaze, your heart stops; his eyes are a breathtaking silver in the moonlight. Easily the most expressive feature he has, you could get lost in them for hours. 

Caught in his orbit, your face tilts towards his. 

This time, Levi meets you halfway.

Do not repost, modify or claim as your own work.

Masterlist

[gimmehyuck]

a series of (un)fortunate events | l.mk

summary. it’s been months since you've seen mark in person. when you have no choice but to be around him because of a wedding, you start to feel as if fate likes to see you suffer.

or, alternatively:

maybe fate just wants to see you happy.

pairing. rising actor!mark x fem!reader, feat. hyuck and ryujin

words. 9.4k

genre. exes to lovers; fluff with lots of angst sprinkled all over

warnings. reader has anxiety, honestly she’s a little bit miserable but i think we can forgive her for that, alcohol consumption, i asked my friend what the agents name should be and we both thought linda would be funny (sorry if your name is linda), cliche kdrama drunk scene bc i can

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you were frozen in time. mind completely empty. the literal embodiment of ‘not a thought behind those eyes’. it took a solid 45 seconds of ryujin calling your name before you snapped out of it and looked at her again through your phone screen. she was frowning at you and you couldn’t help but mutter under your breath a small, “shit.”

clearing your voice you apologized with a smile this time.

“i knew she’d react like this,” ryujin said to the other person sharing the space on the phone screen.

“i know… look,” donghyuck said to you after turning away from his now fiancé. “i told mark that he’s my best man because he’s my best friend, but i also told him to try and keep his distance. we both want the both of you there for us.” donghyuck was pouting a little, probably because he always got his way when he did that but you were mostly looking at ryujin. she was happy and you could tell, but her eyes were worried for you. and who were you to ruin this time for her?

“oh, of course babe. i can handle this, no worries at all!” you forced the smile to meet your eyes, hoping she’d buy it. she didn’t. but she admired your bravery in the moment and didn’t press you further.

“i’ll let you know the details, you’ll have to fly back home so don’t worry about the dresses or anything. i’ll take care of that for you!” she chirped.

“ryu, no! if i’m the maid of honor then i should help with this stuff!” but ryujin was already waving her hand dismissively.

“just focus on getting here, it’s going to be expensive enough to get plane tickets, let alone the back and forth. so we’ll make it one trip for the wedding and i’ll facetime you for everything.”

“at least let me plan the bachelorette party,” you argued. and ryujin smiled brightly at that.

“i wouldn’t dream of taking that away from you.”

after a few more minutes of honest congratulations and eye rolls for donghyuck, you hung up the phone and you sat back on the couch while you stared at the picture that was the home screen. running your hand through your hair, you sighed heavily. the picture of mark leaning against the short wall of the ice rink as he was laughing hysterically was staring back at you, the moment captured during your one year anniversary date. you had fallen while ice skating and he spent the first two minutes laughing before he pulled himself together to help you up. you had been recording at the time and it was your favorite picture.

even though it had been two months since you had left, you still didn’t have the heart to change it. just like you didn’t have the heart to fall out of love with him. this wedding would be the second hardest thing you’d have to do.

the first will always be the night you left.

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you took everything that you had originally thought back. this would absolutely be the second hardest thing you’d ever have to do.

when ryujin sent you the seating arrangement for the wedding and let it slip that you’d have to walk with mark down the aisle, you nearly cried.

you did cry, actually.

luckily you knew where the letters were on your keyboard so you were able to type out a ‘sounds good to me, babe :)’ without actually seeing since your watery eyes were making the keyboard all but disappear.

you angrily brushed them away, getting so frustrated with your emotions and scolding yourself because you would have to get this under control in three months time. you still didn’t understand the rush of the wedding but it wasn’t your wedding to plan therefore you had no say in the matter. shaking your head you went back to your laptop to search for plane tickets to korea when the late night show’s host saying mark’s name caught your attention and you quickly whipped your head up to watch the tv.

“tonight we have with us, the up and coming star whose debut movie will be releasing this friday, mark lee!” the audience clapped and the thought of reaching for the remote to turn off the tv did not cross your mind; the idea of getting to see him aside from the random magazine cover made your heart ache but in that moment you wanted to brave the ache if only to get to see a smile from him.

mark walked on the set and waved at everyone, a bright smile on his face that you had been waiting for. his blue blazer complementing his black hair, and you couldn’t help but think about how handsome he looked. you were far too entranced to tell yourself to turn it off now.

“so!” the host said, clapping his hands together as mark took his seat adjacent to him. “welcome to the show.”

mark nodded along, “thank you for having me.”

“the pleasure is all ours, isn’t that right?” the host said to the crowd and they began the applause all over again. you noticed mark’s ears turning a little pink and you knew he was getting a little overwhelmed with the love from strangers.

“your debut movie dive into you, your very first role as an actor nonetheless, was making waves,” the host paused with a raised eyebrow while the crowd - and mark - laughed at his pun; then continued, “of the sundance festival. how did it feel to win awards so soon after wrapping up production?”

mark smiled and nodded along in answer, “it feels like it’s not real honestly, but also like my hard work has finally paid off. i never really thought i’d be here. i never thought i’d get to see this part of my dream come to pass but here i am. i can’t help but feel nervous, but also excited, you know? the director, cast, and crew were all welcoming and amazing to work with. i’ll truly remember this moment forever, and be grateful for it.” the host nodded along with mark as he answered his question at length, and then as he spoke the hosts lips pursed and he began tapping his chin.

“you said something very interesting just then, mark,” the host commented and mark raised an eyebrow at him suddenly looking around trying to figure out what it was exactly that he had said, as if the audience could help him find it.

“what? did i accidentally cuss and not realize it?” mark gave a nervous laugh and you couldn’t help but smile at his awkwardness. you were happy to see that although he had achieved his dream, he was still the same mark.

“oh no! and besides. it’s late night tv, you’re allowed to cuss here and there,” the host laughed a little before leaning forward on his desk and mark leaned closer as if they were going to share a secret.

“what i was curious about, and i’m sure what everyone else at home is curious about as well, is what you meant exactly by ‘this part of my dream’? what’s the other half… or whatever fraction of your dream that hasn’t come true yet?”

and mark’s eyebrows rose, “ahhh, that…” he hesitated while he scratched the back of his neck.

“i just meant… um, i just meant that the other part being that i wish that my- my friends were able to be here and celebrate this milestone with me.” mark was lying through his teeth, you could tell because as he said the word friends, his nose scrunched a little and that was always how you knew he was either lying or withholding something. but these people wouldn’t know that about him, and the shows host accepted the answer immediately. his face gave a look of understanding and almost concern.

“oh yeah, you came from korea for this movie, didn’t you?” and mark nodded in answer.

“yeah, they’re all back home supporting me but it’s okay. my best friend is getting married in a couple of months so i’ll be able to celebrate then with them in person!” and the host grinned widely at mark and then the camera.

“well that makes me happy for you, mark, truly! oh, and it looks like that’s all the time we have for tonight. everyone go watch dive into you when it releases in theatres this friday!”

the credits began to roll and mark was shot smiling and clapping, leaning over to say something to the host that the camera mic didn’t catch as the show ended. seeing his smile and being happy like that made the heart ache worsen, and you rubbed at your chest trying to ease the metaphorical pain. you weren’t sure if you were ready to see him. you weren’t sure if you’d be able to keep it together for this whole thing.

but for ryujin, you’d try.

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fuck this. you couldn’t do it.

you really really couldn’t do it.

after landing in korea you connected to the wifi of the airport only to receive one message from ryujin.

5:50 pm my baby 👭: mark will be picking u up from the airport, hyuck and i had last minute kinks to work out for the wedding but i’ll come and get u tonight for the bachelorette party! i’m so sorry 😞

she even had the nerve, the audacity to send the sad emoji but all you could do was feel your heart racing from anxiety. so you quickly typed back in a panic -

that’s ok! i can just take a taxi, no need for mark to come!

but she answered immediately as if she were waiting for your response, and her only message was, “he’s already there!”

and you were going to fucking kill her. you were absolutely going to murder her before she even got the chance to step one toe down the aisle. you didn’t even bother responding to the text, your anxiety and frustration making an uncomfortable mix in your chest and if you weren’t already thirty seconds from a panic attack, your phone buzzed again and with sweaty palms you checked it.

6:05 pm ml 🐯🥰: ryujin gave me your new number, sorry if this is weird. but i’m outside in the blue car, take your time though.

6:06 pm ml 🐯🥰: this is mark, btw

you internally screamed as you read the message over and over again, the contact name being another thing you also didn’t have the heart to change like your wallpaper, truly thinking you would never see it pop up again. you abruptly sat on the nearest bench as you waited for your checked luggage to arrive at the baggage carousel, the people who were standing around you edged further away from you. flashing you concerned looks at your apparent mental break down, but you could hardly even blink. you felt your heart rising in your throat and you tried to breathe through your nose and out through your mouth.

you tried slowly counting to five.

you tried breathing in for a few seconds and breathing out slower.

as you sat, you tried every calming technique you could think of.

it wasn’t until an elderly lady placed a gentle hand on your shoulder causing you to jump slightly and she gave you a kind look.

“everything is going to be okay,” she said as she gently rubbed your back and then just… walked away. the sudden appearance and disappearance of her making your panic halt in an instant in the distraction.

then the carousel whirred to life, and you had to rush over to haul your bag off of the moving belt before you had to wait for it to come around again. you really should have let it circle around a few times, but that idea came to you after you had already set the suitcase on the ground.

the kindness from the older woman, and the knowledge that you would be able to thoroughly murder your friend in a few short hours helped you to steel your nerves as you exited the airport and quickly found the blue car mark was driving.

it was easy to spot because he was literally leaning against it while he stared at his phone. you hesitated a moment, taking him in and god did he look good in those jeans and that sweater. the thoughts getting away from you before you could stop them but immediately scolded yourself.

steadying yourself with a quick breath, you rolled your suitcase up to the trunk and he jerked his head up at the sudden movement.

“oh, hi. i was waiting for a response from you- but, uh, um, here! let me get that.” he said quickly as he reached for your bag to help you heave it into the trunk but you put your hand up to stop him, taking a step back to create space.

“it’s okay,” you said, a little too curt with him. “i can do it myself.” and mark instantly deflated, your heart jumping at the need to fix that look.

no, you scolded yourself and internally forced your heart to still. he’s not yours anymore.

you made sure of that.

mark stepped back and let you lift up the heavy suitcase yourself, dropping it ever so gracefully in the trunk. you closed it and tried not to make eye contact as you moved around mark to get into the passenger seat. when you shut the door you couldn’t stop yourself from looking in the side mirror to see him frown and he shook his head at himself. you breathed a sigh of relief out. the ‘ripping off the bandaid’ part over and done with.

he got in to his side of the car smoothly, and you prepared yourself for an awkward silence the entire ride to the hotel.

“we’re staying at the same place, so that’s cool!” mark said casually, trying to create some form of conversation, of peace. you didn’t respond to what he said, instead opting for a different approach.

“you didn’t need to come and get me,” you said quietly as you stared at the passing cars on the road.

“i wanted to,” he said just as quietly, and you flinched internally at what sounded like sadness. he said your name, and then hesitated. after a few moments of silence, you saw his reflection in the window shake his head slightly as he decided against saying whatever it was.

“never mind.” was the last word uttered of the drive.

the tension weighed heavily on your already wounded heart.

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fate had it out for you. she must really enjoy screwing you over. because what you kept thinking would be the hardest part… kept continuously turning out to absolutely not be the hardest part, as if she were taunting you.

exhibit d:

“what do you mean my reservation was canceled?” you asked the hotel concierge for the third time in a row, causing her to sigh in frustration at you, finally cracking her happy persona she had to wear for her job.

“ma’am, i really don’t know how else to explain it to you. it says here it was canceled, and your room was already booked by someone else.”

“well unbook it!” you insisted, all but yelling out at that point, completely fed up. “i didn’t cancel my reservation, so it must have been a system error. isn’t there anything you can do to fix this?”

“i’m sorry,” the woman said again. “we’re fully booked for a wedding that’s taking place in a few days.”

“i-“ you paused pinching the bridge of your nose tightly, taking a moment to deeply inhale. you were going to have to google better calming techniques. “i. know. because i am in that wedding!” you hissed between clenched teeth and when the woman reached for the phone in fear, to call what you presumed was the security, mark stepped in suddenly. he leaned against the tall counter, and his sudden closeness made you jerk your head up to make eye contact with him.

“i booked a suite with an extra bed, it may be a little… um, awkward but the bed is yours if you want it.” his ears were turning red, but his voice sounded genuine. as if he truly meant his offer and god you wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and never come out. knowing your options were limited to this or staying with your parents who lived two hours outside of the city, you really didn’t have any other choice.

fate was absolutely fucking with you just because she could, was the only thought on replay as you were getting ready in the bathroom for the bachelorette party that night. considering you had slept on the plane, you weren’t tired yet and you figured you’d be able to sleep off the jetlag with a nice hangover before the rehearsal dinner the next evening. putting the final touches on your makeup, you looked at yourself in the mirror.

you could do this.

you could do this.

you could do this.

you repeated those three sentences like a mantra to yourself over and over, trying to give yourself the confidence to leave the room and be in the same space as mark again, but it seemed like the universe had different plans as your inner musings were interrupted.

“you look… really pretty.” he said in the entrance of the bathroom, his body blocking the only exit from the room. you looked down to avoid the eye contact in the mirror he was giving you, and muttered a quiet, “thank you.”

he paused a moment more before saying your name, for the second time since you had seen him, and hearing his voice saying your name in that way as opposed to the first time… it almost made tears spring to your eyes.

“i just wanted-“ he started, but for the first time since you had been told of this wedding, something (because it definitely wasn’t fate) decided to take pity on you and give you a break because at that moment you got a text from ryujin.

9:45 pm murder victim (1) 🔪: here babe!!

and you instantly sighed in relief. cutting mark off from what you were sure he had spent the last hour building up the courage to say, you turned on your heel and said, “ryu’s here! gotta go.”

you brushed past him to exit the hotel room, not even noticing that you had forgotten the door key on your way out.

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it was three am.

or maybe four.

you weren’t sure.

you spent the first twenty minutes of the night scolding the hell out of ryujin in the back of the uber and she just took it with a grin.

“and just what is so funny?” you huffed at her, crossing your arms and allowing your brows to stay furrowed.

“it’s almost like the universe is telling you to get back together.” she sang, and wiggled her eyebrows at you. you threw your hands up in exasperation, drawing eyes from the driver through the rearview mirror. giving a slight bow of apology to him you turned back to ryujin only to roll your eyes at her.

“no, the universe likes watching me hit a newly discovered rock bottom. we’re not getting back together and i’m sure he’ll be happy to have me gone once your wedding is over.” ryujin only shrugged and you didn’t hear it when she muttered, “i wouldn’t be so sure.”

when the uber dropped you off in front of the first club of the night, your sour mood dispersed in a second as you headed inside.

you and ryujin, along with her other bridesmaids in her party, heejin, yeji, and jimin had bounced from club to club and you had thoroughly drank your cares away. you were no longer thinking about how fate was a bitch. you were no longer thinking about the doom and gloom you were feeling.

you were no longer thinking about mark.

except that last one was a lie because he was the only thought that occupied your brain through the night, so much so that ryujin had to cover your mouth with her hand to stop your rambling about him.

but as the dawn crept closer and closer, all of you were calling it quits. yeji had lost a shoe somewhere along the way and jimin had left thirty minutes before, taking a whiny yeji with her; heejin was finally getting into her uber after ten minutes of drunkenly explaining that no, she wasn’t in the building the street over, and yes the gps was actually wrong. it just left you and ryujin as you waited for donghyuck to come pick you up, knowing he was on standby for the designated driver role of the morning. ryujin held your hand and affectionately laid her head on your shoulder. you copied the action and turned so you could hug each other and sway back and forth, the scene cute if not for the fact that anyone watching could tell that you were both heavily intoxicated if the giggles coming from you both after each dramatic sway were any indicator.

“you know everything is gonna be okay,” she slurred a little too loudly in your ear and the phrase made you think of something but you couldn’t quite remember what it was.

“i know,” you giggled at her, grinning brightly and you both squeezed each other tighter. you couldn’t remember in that moment what needed to be okay.

“hey, that’s my future wife! if you wanted her you should have proposed first!” you both turned to see donghyuck smiling widely, as he leaned across the center console to be able to tease you both out of the passenger window. you answered by sticking your tongue out childishly at him and ryujin answered by kissing your cheek with a loud, exaggerated smack, leaving a red stain on your cheek from what was left of her lipstick.

“i could have had her years before you even knew her, and i’ll have her years after you. remember that!” you said while pointing your fingers at your eyes and turning them on him. he rolled his eyes and sarcastically mimicked your response before motioning for you both to get in the car.

the drive back to the hotel was quiet and for the first time that night you checked your phone.

11:03 pm ml 🐯🥰: hey, i just noticed you left your keycard to get back in the hotel

12:00 am ml 🐯🥰: i’ll sleep with my phone off of silent, just call when you get back and i’ll let you in

2:15 am ml 🐯🥰: please be safe, let me know if i need to come get you

your heart fluttered at his messages and you drunkenly smiled at how he still cared. you covered your mouth to hide your smile but the sober one in the car didn’t miss the way your eyes lit up in a way that neither he nor ryujin had seen on you in five months. he could only smirk to himself as he drove, promising to himself to tell ryujin about what he saw the next morning.

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you stumbled your way down the hallway, stopping and taking off one shoe as it was rubbing your foot painfully. then after a few steps you realized how silly it was to walk with one heel on and you clumsily leaned against the wall to pull off the other shoe. arriving to the door, you giggled at the idea of getting to call and talk to mark.

mark was here, with you.

you were here, with mark.

something you’d never thought would happen again and it made your heart soar. giggling again at that thought you pulled out your phone. hitting the call button, he picked up after the third ring and you sighed as you leaned against the door frame, allowing it to hold you up.

“hello?” his voice was raspy from sleep and it made butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“hi,” you giggled once more, and you internally smacked yourself this time.

play it cool or don’t talk yourself into sounding like an idiot, you told yourself.

“hi,” he parroted back to you. “are you okay? do i need to come get you?”

“yeah, can you please?” and you heard rustling through the phone.

“okay, i’m on my way. where are you?” he didn’t hesitate. he didn’t even sigh. he didn’t seem annoyed by having to help you. he seemed… almost happy in the way he said his words. as if you could audibly hear the smile. but maybe that was the alcohol letting you hear what you wanted to hear. you heard him walking around in the hotel room through the phone, and saw a light flick on from the little sliver of a gap under the door.

“on the other side of the door,” you smiled, laughing a little harder at your own joke and the door jerked open to reveal mark in all his sleepy glory. shirt wrinkled and hair sticking out at in odd directions. his relief, however, made way to his smile and he couldn’t help but stare down at you for a moment… but you, you were definitely still drunk. and who needs inhibitions to tell you not to do something anyways? not you, that’s for sure.

“my pretty maaaark!” you sang, as you threw yourself against him, or well, fell against him would be a better term for what happened.

he froze at the sudden affection from you, arms raised at awkward angles above your body before allowing his arms to lower and hug you back gently.

“i’m so sleepy, mark.” you slurred against his chest and you nuzzled your cheek against it, thinking about how soft this shirt was. he huffed a small laugh and pulled you further into the room so he could close the door.

“okay, let’s get you to bed then. c’mon.” and he helped you walk (in reality he half carried you) towards the shared bedroom.

“mark,” you called his name again softly. he glanced down at you and he noticed you were already looking up at him, arms still wrapped around his waist.

“mm?” he answered as he navigated you finally over to the bed.

“i’m so happy,” you said to him and somehow, fate again you assumed - that bitch - you simultaneously tripped over your own drunk feet and tumbled back onto the bed. your arms that were still wrapped around his waist gave him no choice but to fall with you, or well, on top of you. he caught himself instead of crushing you, an arm on each side of your head, caging you in.

he looked down at you and your body acting off it’s own accord by gripping his shirt tightly at his waist. you couldn’t help but stare at his face for a few long seconds, eyes going from his eyes, up to his hair, down to his lips, back to his eyes, and then back to his lips one last time.

“and why is that?” he asked, bringing you back to the moment before you tripped. and although your eyes had drifted back up to his eyes, he noticed that yours started to slowly flutter closed, as if you were fighting sleep but the alcohol was winning. your bright smile you gave him while you were thinking of the answer made his heart beat fast, but the words you said next made it stop entirely.

“because i get to be here with you, even if it’s just for a moment. i missed you so much, my mark, all marked in my heart.” you laughed softly again at your own joke, referencing back to a pickup line he had given you that made you say yes to his first request of a date. he couldn’t help the melancholy feeling that overcame him as he looked down at your sleeping form, the alcohol finally taking you from awake to asleep within seconds.

“i’m happy too,” he whispered though you didn’t hear it.

if only you knew how happy he actually was.

.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

the next day, you surprisingly slept well considering it was 3 o’clock in the afternoon and you were still in your clothes from last night. the curtains were drawn tightly as to not let any light in, and you groaned at the headache that pulsed behind your eyelids. you knew the room was empty based on the the silence and you were grateful for it as you felt embarrassed by your actions the night before. why the hell would you say that to mark? if you wanted him to hate you, well, you were doing a damn good job of solidifying that. you searched for your phone amongst the blankets and pillows to check your messages.

11:15 am murder victim (2) 🔫: mark said earlier that you forgot your key, hope you ‘got in’ okay ;)

11:30 am murder victim (1) 🔪: hi babe, how’s the hangover? the rehearsal is at 5. text me when u get up, ily 😘

11:47 am ml 🐯🥰: i put tylenol by the bed with some water, i would have ordered you food but didn’t know what time you’d be getting up. see you later

your heart gave way at the kind gesture as you flipped on a light switch and squinted at the brightness, quickly finding the medicine and downing it in one go to quickly turn off the light again.

maybe he wasn’t hating you like you thought.

you gave yourself thirty minutes to try and let the headache lose the battle with the medicine you took and finally rolled out of bed to take a shower, doing everything you could think of to keep mark and his never ending kindness off of your mind. you got ready in record time, and somehow made it to the rehearsal on time with five minutes to spare.

you ran through the wedding fairly quickly, and you most certainly did not blush as mark took your arms in his to walk you down the aisle for the practice run. besides that, you didn’t get a chance to look at mark until it came to dinner with the wedding party for the night.

fate, and you couldn’t say you were mad at her this time, had allowed mark to sit next to you during dinner.

“so mark,” yeji had said as she stuffed a piece of broccoli into her mouth. “what’s it like being famous now?”

he groaned in answer. his hand moved ever so slightly to the right and his pinky was suddenly touching yours. your eyes widened but you didn’t move your hand away, allowing his hand to rest next to yours. it felt like something from middle school when you would get excited over your crush, your eyes laser-focused on where you were connected.

“i mean, of course i’m happy to have found success in it.”

success.

that word alone sent you back to The Moment five months ago.

success was all that you wanted for mark, you were happy to watch him as he acted on set. with the way his schedule had been lining up, you hardly saw him. so when you suggested that maybe you could spend the day with him on set while he worked, he didn’t say no to you. it made you happy that he made you feel like he was fitting time in with you even if he was insanely busy.

you missed spending time with him, and you really… just… missed him. his absence making your worries and self doubts grow more eminent but you were both usually good at communicating so it wasn’t a constant worry, but the worry was there all the same.

mark had just left you to begin another scene, leaving you sitting in his chair that was off to the side and you couldn’t stop your eyes from following him around the room, watching his interactions with his cast mates.

a body landing into the chair next to yours caused you to jump and you turned to see his manager sitting next to you, leaning to the side to be just on the verge of invading your space. she was a stone faced woman, perfectly presented down to the red polish of her nails.

you had only met her a few times but she seemed… nice enough. you couldn’t deny that she worked hard to get mark solid chances and auditions so you appreciated her as mark did.

the situation at hand made you uncomfortable for some reason though, your gut telling you to move away from her.

you didn’t listen.

“so,” his manager began slowly, not making eye contact with you, instead her eyes were following mark as yours had been doing moments before.

“so…?” you prompted when she didn’t begin speaking right away.

“we need to talk… and i’m taking the initiative because mark’s too kind and won’t do it.” this caught you off guard entirely. mark was keeping something from you? you were both good terrible secret keepers with each other and this seemed so unlike him.

but, you thought, his manager was with him when you weren’t so maybe…

“oh…” you said, and finally his manager made eye contact with you. the cold stare she was giving you sent shivers down your spine.

“look, sweetie. this… this relationship you have with mark. it isn’t working.” and she patted you on the shoulder as if this were good news. “it isn’t going to work for his image or his future. you know you’re holding him back from the future he could have. the future he deserves. why do you want to burden him any further than you already have?” she asked, voice dripping with a sense of sweetness that screamed condescension.

you stilled at that instantly. the thought that you may have been the problem the entire time you were together… that you were the reason as to why he couldn’t get auditions… you would be lying if you said it hadn’t crossed your mind.

“but mark never said…” you argued weakly, playing with your fingers all while trying not to make eye contact with the woman sitting next to you.

“of course he wouldn’t, dear. he knows you’re too… fragile.” she sneered at the last word, her disdain for you being glaringly obvious as the conversation carried on. your anxiety made you fragile? mark had talked about you to her?

when you didn’t respond right away, mind racing, mark’s manager stood up.

“if you want to be selfish, and ruin his chances at success then that’s fine. just know any future failures would be on you. if you truly loved him, you’d do this for him. you’d leave.” her voice changed sharply within that sentence, the word selfish becoming a thicker blanket on top of burden in your mind and it was like you couldn’t breathe.

the anxiety stemming from the words she had just said - the fears you had been harboring for months, the thoughts that you had been smothering like a fire in the back of your mind suddenly roared to life, and the sudden heat was too hot for you to handle in the moment.

the idea of mark possibly resenting you in the future for things you knew were out of your control, it shook you… and it was minutes of spiraling into yourself before you realized that his manger had been long gone and the director had called cut.

mark stopped by where you sat for a brief moment to tell you that he had to go to the the hair and makeup trailer and he would be back soon. the fact that he didn’t tell you that he loved you with a quick kiss like he usually would being the final nail in the coffin for you in believing every word.

you got up and left the set that day, going to your shared home with mark and realized there wasn’t much that you wanted to take anyway. your heart was shattered and everything you’d take would only remind you of him.

you had packed a suitcase, and sat for a long time contemplating if you wanted to leave a letter but then ultimately decided that if he was already feeling burdened by you, you’d be doing him a favor by not making it hard on him. or well, any harder.

allowing that memory to play all the way through for the first time since seeing him made you feel as if reality had punched you in the stomach, and it sobered you up quickly. the heavy weight of your anxiety was back and it settled on your chest. the bubble of happiness you felt at the slightest touch, at the first sight of him after being apart from him for so long… all gone in an instant.

remember you’re the burden, you did this for him, you chided yourself sadly in your head. you were the reason why you both were estranged.

you gently moved your hand away to rest it in your lap. mark cut his eyes to you suddenly but you missed the glance and you missed the way he was still looking at you as he said, “but i’m just happy to be here with you… with all of you again.”

he tore his eyes away from your face to look at yeji and she smiled knowingly, eyes darting from mark to you. the room felt small to you then, almost suffocating. the sudden appearance of someone to the table brought you to the present.

“dessert will be coming out soon,” the waitress said to ryujin.

your appetite was gone entirely, and you had to get out of there. you leaned over and whispered in ryujin’s ear that you loved her but you were heading up to the room. you felt the tears were coming, because reality was the bitch this time instead of fate.

the kindness mark was showing you during all of this was making your heart ache and it was bringing up the pain that you desperately fought off for five months. excusing yourself from the table, you told everyone goodnight and made a beeline for the elevator that would take you up to the room.

stepping inside and punching the floor number, you hit the close door button frantically and bit your lip to try and keep the tears from coming as long as possible. the doors were almost closed when a hand suddenly blocked it and it opened again, revealing mark and he stepped inside, awkwardly coughing at the dramatics of it all.

you stepped to the side of the elevator and didn’t look up from your fingernails that you played with to avoid eye contact at all costs. the awkward tension filled the elevator thickly and you could feel mark’s stare boring holes into the side of your head. when the elevator finally dinged with the arrival of your floor, you’d never felt more grateful for the annoying sound.

all but running from the elevator, you headed to the room only to realize that, fuck, yes you were actually staying in mark’s room and no, he wasn’t riding the elevator for fun. his steps sounded behind yours and you pointedly didn’t say a word to him as you both entered the room. his presence didn’t deter your tears that had been threatening to spill, in fact it only made them more prevalent and it was taking all that you could do to not let them fall. the click of the door being shut made you flinch a little in anticipation of what came next, and mark cleared his throat.

“so, um…” he began, hesitating while trying to find the right words on how to approach this before continuing. “i think - i think we should talk. you said something’s last night and it… it really has me confused and i just need, no, i deserve an explanation.” when he finished his sentence his words sounded pained.

you did guess that you owed him an explanation.

but you didn’t want to give it to him.

the same way you felt you deserved one as well, but you didn’t want the confirmation.

“i’m sorry, mark.” you said, voice barely above a whisper. and it was the only thing you had to say in that moment, anything over three words and your voice would have cracked. you kept your back to him as you walked over to the bathroom and shut the door, not wanting to see his face during this.

you really were a coward, you thought.

you heard mark approach the other side of the door and stop.

“you’re- you’re sorry?” he asked, and then with a hint of sarcasm, he finally decided to bring up the biggest and obvious elephant in the room. “you’re sorry for what? leaving or are you sorry for what you said last night? are you going to tell me you didn’t mean it now?” and you could only shake your head even though he couldn’t see.

“all of it.” you choked out.

“all- ha, all of it?” his laugh was dry. your silence was answer enough.

“you left me. you left me without an explanation. without a single note and then you changed your number! i thought you had just left the set but i came home to find you gone. what could i have possibly done that would have deserved that? what did i do?”

“it’s…” you started from the other side of the door, tears falling at the desperation in his voice. but mark was on a roll, months of pent up frustration and sadness finally boiling over.

“you were there with me and then you weren’t and you hurt me, y/n. you absolutely broke my heart, you know that? i almost quit the movie entirely.”

“if you had, then it would have been for nothing.” you cried from the other side of the door.

“what are you even talking about?”

you flung open the door suddenly, mark taking in your tear stained face, your eyes red and bloodshot.

“i left you for you, mark.”

“i don’t-.”

“you said i broke your heart, but i broke my own first. i left you for you!”

“i never asked you to do that!”

“you didn’t have to! she did it for you. i left so i wouldn’t hold you back anymore. i was holding you back, i was burdening you, i was keeping you from the successful career you worked so hard to achieve.” you placed your hand on your chest and took a deep breath, “i admit that i was a coward in not waiting, but i couldn’t handle hearing the confirmation of it all from you. so i did it for you, i left so i wouldn’t be selfish.” you spat out the last word like it was poison, the word that had been torturing you these past five months, all while pointing your finger at mark as if to drive home your point.

“she-? you… selfish? what the hell are you even talking about?” he asked, eyebrows fully drawn together in confusion. you scoffed.

“don’t act as if you hadn’t talked to her about me. about how you couldn’t tell me any of this because i was fragile.” your mouth twisted with that sentence, and your emotions didn’t know whether to be angry or sad. so you continued to cry because, yeah, that would cover all the bases.

marks mouth clicked shut as things started to come together in his mind. pieces falling into place and then he was suddenly livid.

mark was silent for a moment, his lips pursed and his eyes thunderous - you could only assume that fury was directed at you considering his eyes never left yours, and you swallowed nervously.

“y/n…” mark started slowly, his voice dropping dangerously low in his anger, “who exactly do you mean when you say the word ‘she’?”

you hesitated a little, never knowing mark to get this angry.

“your… manager.” you murmured and mark’s jaw clenched, and you felt your anger dissipate entirely as his took over. as the seconds ticked on, you watched as mark reached into his back pocket and withdrew his phone, he only broke eye contact for a second to click the name he was searching for and he brought his eyes back to yours. your eyebrows drew together in confusion.

who would he be calling during the middle of the argument - and finally you heard it when the other person answered the phone and you could recognize that sickly sweet voice anywhere. your jaw dropped and you made to stomp away when mark used his other hand to gently hold onto your arm, pulling you a bit closer than you were before to stand in front of him.

“mark, honey, i’ve been waiting for you to call! how’s korea? you just have to tell me all about it.” she asked loudly through the phone and you frowned at the way she spoke to mark.

“korea’s fine,” he chirped politely as if his eyes weren’t telling you otherwise. “my family is well, the wedding is going as planned, and linda, you’ll never guess who i ran into!”

“oh do tell, you know i love the gossip.” she laughed through the phone and you saw mark’s eyes darken.

“y/n.” the anger in which he said your name, but it not being directed at you, was both a relief and worried you at the same time.

the deafening silence from her end was answer enough for mark.

“and she told me the funniest story,” snark dripping from every word, “hilarious actually. but i think i’d rather hear it from the horses mouth, you know?”

“look, mark, sweetie, i’m sure she misunderstood or she must have been confused by our conversation that day, i only meant to tell her-“

“what?” mark interjected. “tell her that she was burdening me? holding me back? that i called her fragile? i think that’s exactly what you meant.”

she hesitated before answering, but her answering tone was the same as she used with you that day.

sweet condescension.

“well, yes. she was bad for you,” she said shortly.

“oh no, i disagree entirely. i think the one bad for me, was in fact, you.” and she sputtered on the other end of the phone and you couldn’t help the small upturn of your lips to hear her at a loss for words, the smile not going unnoticed by mark if the softening of his eyes were any indicator.

you realized in that moment how you let your anxiety and self doubts ruin something that was perfectly fine to begin with.

linda scoffed, the haughty sound coming in loud through the phone’s speaker.

“oh, please. you’ll thank me someday when you’re big and famous, dating some supermodel. someone at your level of fame.”

mark was silent, his eyes taking in your face and he knew how hard hearing things like this must have been for you. he knew of your insecurities, and he thought he did his best to reassure you but he realized the one time it mattered most, he let it slip through the cracks.

he realized his lack of presence in that moment ruined what you both had.

linda took his extended pause as agreement with what she was saying.

“see? you know that i’m right. anyway, mark, honey, let’s-!” mark cut her off mid-sentence.

“no, what i know… is that you’re fired.” he said calmly, and your eyebrows raised and your eyes widened and you opened your mouth to argue - yes, you hated the woman but she had helped him with his career. mark lifted the hand that had been gently holding your arm to place a finger on your lips, effectively shutting you up with a smile on his face.

linda screeched through the phone, an abrasive noise that sounded awfully like a dying cat.

“you can’t fire me, you ungrateful d-.” and mark hung up the phone, tossing it onto the counter of the kitchenette behind him.

you swallowed thickly now at the sudden silence that fell over the room. mark moved his hand from your lips to wipe the tears that had ran down your face earlier and you avoided eye contact with him then at the gentleness of his hands.

“mark, i…”

“you said you loved me, so you left. did you stay away because you loved me too? change your number for the same reason?”

you nodded, “i thought i would be making it easier for you…”

“do you still love me now?” your eyes snapped back up to his. you decided to be truthful.

“i can’t do anything but love you.” mark’s smile at your answer ignited butterflies in your stomach.

“and i…” he said stepping closer into your space, reaching down to hold your hand in his as he brought it to his chest, his heartbeat a steady rhythm that you could feel. “i have no choice but to love you.”

you felt tears well up again in your eyes at his admission, and you bit your lip to try to keep them from spilling over.

“you still… are you still in love with me?” your voice quivered, and you cleared your throat trying to tame the burning sensation that came with holding back your tears.

“without a doubt.”

“well, if you really do love me… if you love me like i love you then…” you looked between his eyes to his lips, and as you blinked the tears you had been holding back fell. and mark tilted his head, his playful smile making you smile with him through the tears.

“then kiss me.”

mark didn’t waste any more time, one hand tangling itself in your hair and the other cupping your jaw tenderly and you melted into the kiss, wrapping your arm around his neck and pulling his body flush against yours. five months of anger and sadness and longing pouring out in the movement of your lips. you were crying still but the tears were more out of happiness this time and mark continued to kiss you through it. he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours, lips centimeters from yours, his breath hitting your lips and you closed your eyes, both of you breathing heavily. his voice was soft when he spoke.

“five months spent wasted because i didn’t reassure you enough, i’m… i’m so sorry, y/n.”

“and five months gone because i was too afraid to talk to you… i’m sorry, too.” and you opened your eyes to see he had tears in his eyes this time and you let out a small laugh.

“did you miss me that much?” you joked softly, eyes shining with the happiness that you had pushed down finally seeping through.

“shut up,” he groaned and swept in to kiss you again.

that night, neither of you slept alone in your separate beds.

.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

the next day found you and mark, surprisingly (to everyone else) friendly, almost flirty, with each other and it didn’t go unnoticed by everyone else in the wedding party. ryujin walked down the aisle to an overjoyed donghyuck and the proceedings went on without a hitch.

the reception was loud, and a bit wild as after the first dance, no other slow song was played. ryujin and donghyuck made it feel like you were clubbing, and if you danced with mark a tiny bit provocatively, no one seemed to notice or care.

during one of your breaks from dancing while you stood near one of the tables, you felt a hand tap on your shoulder and you turned to face them. once you saw their face, your jaw dropped.

“it’s you!” you couldn’t help the gratitude that laced your voice.

the old lady from the airport stood there, the wrinkles from years of smiling showing proudly on her face.

“see, i told you everything would be okay, didn’t i?”

you nodded, smiling and you couldn’t help yourself when you leaned in and gave the woman a hug.

“grandma? you know y/n?” it was mark’s confused voice that came from over your shoulder, coming behind you to rest his hand on the small of your back.

“oh, not really…” she gave you a secret smile, and continued, “but mark, dear. do tell ryujin and donghyuck it was a beautiful wedding for me, i’m sorry but i’m too old to stay up with the younger crowd nowadays.” she patted mark on the arm and said goodnight to you both, leaving you with a wink. mark looked back and forth between you and her and you only shrugged in answer, and you pulled him back out to the dance floor with a smile.

eventually, the night had to come to an end though, but not before the traditional throwing of the bouquet. you were pulled onto the floor with the other bridesmaids and the second ryujin tossed the flowers over her head, the other girls dispersed leaving you to be the only one standing to catch it. you were confused at first but when ryujin gave you a knowing smile, you couldn’t help but laugh at their group effort. and so you turned around to find mark smiling at you and clapping at the edge of the crowd, and you smiled brightly at him as if he hung the stars himself, newfound confidence in every step as you walked up to him.

you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him fully in front of the guests who remained, mostly the small group of friends who all knew each other well. mark wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you slightly off the ground, while your friends cheered dramatically behind you.

breaking the kiss you smiled at mark before he set you down, and both you and mark turned and caught sight of ryujin and donghyuck sharing a highly triumphant high five.

it all clicked then, every step had been planned by your cunning best friend… and you couldn’t even be mad anymore.

how could you be, when it all turned out to be okay?

.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

epilogue:

you sat at the table of celebrities like you belonged there, no longer feeling as if you were the misfit amongst them.

a year and a half had passed since ryujin and donghyuck’s wedding and with it came changes.

all of them, you could say, were good.

you battled your anxiety and won… well mostly won, you still had your moments but the second you called mark for reassurance, he was there in an instant with gentle words of affirmation, which you discovered was your love language.

you and mark got married six months after donghyuck and ryujin did, and mark’s reasoning was sound in his opinion.

“i spent five months apart from you, and i think i’ll die if i have to do it again. so i’m locking you down, babe.”

you couldn’t argue with him on that.

and now this moment, the moment where upon hearing mark’s name being called you stood up and cheered, clapping a little louder than the famous people next to you. mark kissed you quickly before running up on stage to receive his award.

it wasn’t an oscar… yet.

but the golden globe would do.

his speech went as he rehearsed with you in your bedroom in the off chance he won. being nominated was enough for him, he had said but you encouraged him to have a speech prepared, just in case.

you had no doubts he would win tonight.

you were right.

his speech was coming to an end, something you could quote with him word for word, until you heard him derail from what he practiced beforehand.

“and i just wanna say the biggest thanks of all to my wife. who, without her, only half of my dream would have been achieved,” he gestured the award to you and the smile he wore was lighting up his entire face. “without you, this wouldn’t matter at all to me. so this one’s all for you, babe. thank you.”

you stood and clapped again, accepting mark back to his seat with an excited hug.

fate - well, ryujin - may have had it out for you, but it was okay in the end.

and you could honestly live with that.

[sorrowsofsilence]

Burning out • VI

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 6.4k

Warnings: 18+, explicit language, mentions of drugs and alcohol/drinking

Authors note: Chapter Six - An Omen is 20mg (EDITED: 09-03-24)

new? start from chapter one here

THIS IS A FANFICTION USING REAL PEOPLE IN A FICTIONAL SITUATION! I AM NOT IMPLYING THESE PEOPLE WOULD DO THE THINGS IN THE STORY OR ACT THE WAY THEY DO IN THE STORY, IN REAL LIFE! IT IS SIMPLY FICTION, AND JUST FOR FUN! THINK OF THEM AS ACTORS LOL.

+

I watched as her lashes touched the tops of her cheeks, her eyebrows releasing tension from the day, lips parted gently as sleep took over.

My eyes danced across her features, completely captivated. Y/N breathed slowly, and my hand subconsciously reached over, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear as I endeared over her.

“you’re my saving grace,” I whispered as I stroked her hair, still completely baffled this was all happening.

I watched her for a moment longer before I turned over, facing the door and her desk. My eyes trailed over to the bottle that rested on her desk, the yellow plastic alluring. Zolpidem. 700 dollars right there.

Destruction. Crime. Greed.

That is why we live like heathens That is why we live like heathens That is why we live like heathens

+++++

Silence. There was no sound.

The house had an eerie vibe, with its dark and damp interior. Her heart raced as she stood in the unknown stillness. The silence only added to her fear, causing her to carefully make her way towards the kitchen. She reached for a knife from the drawer, trying not to make any noise.

Although she wanted to call out for her parents, she was too scared of what may be lurking within the house. She then moved towards the staircase, her eyes fixed on the steps and hesitant to take the first one. But before she could move, there was a loud crash from the back door- whatever or whoever was inside was now leaving.

Her body surged with adrenaline as she sprinted towards the back door, dropping the knife along the way. She pushed open the unlocked door and saw a figure running towards the field behind her backyard. Without thinking, she screamed at the top of her lungs, her throat burning from the force of her cry. Another surge of energy pulsed through her and she ran after the figure into the darkness of the forest.

During her sprint, she stumbled and fell hard onto the grassy ground, knocking all of the breath out of her body. After catching her breath, she stood up and looked into the darkness ahead. Once again, there was nothing but silence.

The figure was unknown to her, but a wave of dread washed over her as she ran back towards the house. "Mom!" She cried out desperately, her voice bouncing off the walls and chipped paint. With determination, she climbed the stairs using both her hands and feet, adrenaline pushing her forward toward what she knew would be grief.

Her mother's name escaped her lips once more, even though she already knew that the woman's ears could not hear it. Reaching the landing, she made a sharp turn, almost slipping on the rug beneath her feet. She grabbed onto the wall for support and continued shuffling towards her mother's bedroom, tears already forming in her eyes.

"Mom!" The door was wide open, and as soon as she turned the corner, she saw the scene before her. She stumbled backwards, hitting the wall with a thud, cries pouring out of her mouth as she slid down in anguish. Sobs turned into screams of trauma and pain.

The satin sheets were already soaked with blood, and her mother's lifeless eyes stared back at her in horror. She lay across the bed in a mangled mess, bullet wounds revealing the tragic end of her life.

As tears blurred her vision, the girl frantically searched for her father but found only the figure lying limp in the corner. The once pristine wallpaper now coated in burgundy splatters left the girl frozen with fear as tears streamed down her face and she struggled to catch her breath.

She was only thirteen.

+++++

Y/N

I woke up thrashing against Noah’s grasp on my bed, my throat burning from the guttural screams that fled from my mouth. Through ringing ears, the tears poured from my memory-stained eyes as I pushed against his cage, fear engulfing me.

“Y/N!” Noah yelled, arms and legs enveloping me protectively, audible sobs erupting from my chest. The images flashed in my mind as I relived them, feeling like I was back there at that moment.

I try to stay calm Focus on my breath It’s like I drown In a sea of sand

“Y/N, I’m here!” Noah screamed, his heart pounding against me with adrenaline and worry, unsure what was going on. With his arms wrapped around my chest Noah pleaded for me to stop.

I pushed against him again, trying to break free from his grasp. He squeezed me close, shushing me as I sat between his limbs, resisting my attempts to pull away. My bedroom door burst open as Nicholas barged through the doorway, holding it open with an arm as his chest heaved, watching with wide eyes.

“What the fuck is happening?” He watched as Noah stared back with fearful eyes, shaking his head with uncertainty.

“Dude I have no idea, I just woke up to her screaming bloody murder,” Noah panted, looking down at me, trying to place his head on top of my own to comfort me.

Nicholas bit his fingernail anxiously, unsure what to do as he watched the scene unfold. Another set of footsteps dan up the stairs and Nick joined, peaking his head from behind Nicholas.

“Is everything ok?” He asked, stepping into the room.

I continued to cry into Noah’s bare chest, my vocal cords straining from the screams. Noah rocked our bodies back and forth as my wailing slowed, sobs replaced with staggered inhales.

My cheek pressed against Noah’s warm skin as he began rubbing small circles on my back, sheltering me with a tenderness I’d never felt from anyone before.

Everything’s black Everything’s cold A second is a new thought for me

“What happened?” Noah whispered after a moment, placing his mouth on my forehead gently as he spoke against me with delicate lips. My fists clenched, knuckles turning white from the hold.

“I-” I mumbled, staring at the floor as I began to zone out in shock, “The pills, they usually he-help.”

“Help what?” Noah asked, lifting his free hand to stroke his fingers through my hair, nails gently skimming across my scalp. The sensation sent shivers across my arms, Noah’s touch relaxing me as I sighed anxiously, pressing myself into his inviting body.

I sniffed, coughing on the saliva that built in my throat from my sobs, “The nightmares. I barely sleep because of them. I-” I squeezed my eyes shut as I winced, “I always have dreams about finding my parent’s bodies.”

Noah's breath hitched as he swallowed hard, his hand still gently rubbing circles on my back. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Nicholas approached us slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. He gave me a reassuring closed-mouth smile. "We're here for you if you need to talk. It can help to get things off your chest."

I looked into Nicholas' warm silver-grey eyes, feeling comforted by their inviting gaze. I took a deep breath and blinked away tears before nodding. With some effort, I pulled myself away from Noah's embrace as he reluctantly released me.

I wiped my eyes with the bottom of my palms, taking a deep breath and looking at Noah as my lip trembled in grief, “I’m so sorry.”

1 life I won’t miss 2 pills I will take 3 hours of bliss 4 more I’m in hell 5 days I’m asleep 6 that I’m insane I don’t wanna feel the pain

Noah tilted his head as his shoulders fell with empathy, his ochre eyes filling with anguish as he watched me, “You have nothing to apologize for, it just scared us. Scared me.”

Noah's gaze shifted towards Nicholas before he turned to Nick, who had made himself comfortable by sitting on the carpeted floor with his legs crossed, pulling his knees up to his chest. Nick's head slumped as he fought off sleep, his arms resting on his knees and hands clasped together. I avoided looking at them and instead focused on my blanket, picking at the fabric nervously as I struggled to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over. My mind was racing as I tried to figure out where to start.

“Um, so,” I started, mouth quivering, “I found my parents murdered when I was thirteen.”

Noah reached over to me with an open palm. I hesitated for a moment before placing my hand on top of his own. His thumb rubbed gently over my fingers as he silently encouraged me to keep going.

“I-I remember it was an evening I had soccer practice. I walked home because my parents never came to pick me up,” My eyebrows furrowed as I stared at the floor blankly, the three pairs of eyes watching me with curiosity.

“I assumed they had forgotten to get me. They were out, attending an important dinner with my uncle, so I didn’t think much of it,” I sniffed, my free hand picking at the fabric of my satin sheets, “but when I got home, the front door was wide open and all the lights were out. I had a weird feeling and I knew something was wrong, and I knew I wasn’t alone.”

I felt their gaze burning into me to continue. None of the boys moved a muscle.

“Someone was in the house,” I shuddered, recalling the memory, “and I chased after them, but they disappeared. I knew that whoever was in there had done something. I knew my parents were dead then.”

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall as I sucked in a shaky breath, the pitch of my voice shifting, “I walked up the stairs, and my parents were lying in their room.”

I closed my eyes with gritted teeth, the tears slowly trailing down my cheeks, “there was so much blood. My dad’s face was barely recognizable because of the gunshot wound.”

I began crying again at the image, my shoulders shuddering through my full-body episode.

“My mother’s eyes were still open,” I wailed, “she looked so scared, even when dead.”

The Nicks stared at me in horror, my words digging into them.

“Jesus Christ.” Through blurry vision I watched as Jolly leaned on the frame, his hand rubbing across his forehead.

I have a fear for living Cause I don’t wanna be a fuckin mess I relive in my nightmares Cause it’s the only way I can rest

Noah leaned forward, grabbing both sides of my face as he stared at me with complete agony.

His thumbs swiped underneath my eyes and across my cheeks, smearing the tears into my skin.

My body shook through my exhale and Noah pulled me into him once again, sitting me on his lap as he slowly swayed our bodies.

My ocean is made of dust And I’ve been dying here of thirst It’s like I’m diving in the mud Every time I try to reach for the worst

“I’m so sorry Y/N,” Noah whispered into my ear as he took a deep breath, sighing into my hair.

“Do you know who did it?” Nicholas asked.

I shook my head in sorrow, “it ended as a cold case. They couldn’t find any evidence-”

I then shrugged, “Or they stopped looking.”

Noah squeezed me reassuringly, and I nuzzled into him, feeling safe within his arms.

“I can’t sleep without those pills,” I said, and all the boys turned towards my gaze, looking at the yellow bottle that unknowingly taunted them, “They help me sleep, the other ones I take help the nightmares. Lately, it hasn’t been working.”

I’m not OK, I’m not the same My head’s screaming but I’m standing still Trapped in a lie that’s made of drugs I pray inside someone breaks my sleep

I felt Noah’s warm breath tickle down my neck as he held me, “I’m the one who found my dad’s body.”

My limbs stiffened at his words.

They tell me I should live Tell me I should care Tell me I should move But I don't feel safe here

Noah spoke softly, "Those images never leave you. They become the last memory you have of someone, whether you want them to or not." I closed my eyes and buried my face in his chest again, holding onto him tightly as if he was the only thing keeping me from falling apart.

"It's horrible," I whispered. "I know," Noah replied, and we sat in silence for a moment, finding comfort in each other's presence.

"What time is it?" I asked as I pulled away from Noah and reached for my phone. "Oh no," my eyes widened as I realized I was supposed to start work in fifteen minutes. I scrambled out of bed, searching frantically for my clothes from the day before.

"Bye guys," I waved awkwardly at the boys who were still staring at me. Jolly immediately turned around and left, followed by the Nicks. Noah's gaze lingered on me for a moment before he too turned to give me privacy.

I hastily got dressed and tied my hair up in a messy bun. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I cringed at how swollen and red my eyes were from crying all night. But there was no time to fix that now.

Turning towards Noah, unsure of what to do next, I said, "I need to go." Should I hug him goodbye? Would that be weird? Would it be wrong not to? We stood there, silently communicating through unspoken words until he finally stood up and grabbed his clothes from my vanity.

My eyes wanted to roam over his exposed body, taking in every inch of his tattoos, but I resisted the urge and focused on getting ready to leave.

“Are you sure you’re okay to go to work?” Noah asked as he pulled his shirt over his head, tucking his hair behind his ears. He is beautiful.

I nodded, hesitating for a moment before grabbing him, pulling and absorbing him into a hug. Noah immediately rested his chin on the top of my head, squeezing me against him.

“Thank you,” I murmured, “For everything.”

Noah’s chest heaved as I let go, swinging my bag over my shoulders.

I gave him a small smile, “I’ll see you later. Don’t burn the place down.”

Noah’s breathy laugh was the last I heard as I ran down the stairs, slipping on my sneakers.

Nicholas was waiting by the door, Juice spiralling between his legs.

“You going to be alright?” He asked as he bent down to pick up Juice, cradling him in his arms.

I nodded reassuringly, smiling at him, “I’ve had many nights like this, and I’ve always got through it.”

+++++

NOAH

I let out a deep sigh, my hands rubbing against my tired face as I heard the front door shut. My heart ached for her as I saw so much of myself reflected in her struggles.

Ever since that day, I couldn't get the image of my father's lifeless body hanging from the garage ceiling out of my mind. It gave me nightmares and traumatized me, and even now, the pain still lingers. That event tore my world apart.

But lately, it's been my own life that frightens me more.

I've become what I feared the most.

As I finished getting dressed, my thoughts turned to the pills. With guilt gnawing at me, I glanced over to her desk - but quickly looked away when I noticed the bottle was no longer there.

“You looking for something?”

My brows furrowed as I turned towards Y/N’s door.

Folio entered her room quietly, closing the door gently behind him, twisting the knob to make as little sound as possible.

“What would I be looking for?” I asked, folding my arms across my chest defensively.

Nick rolled his eyes as he pulled his hand out from behind his back. The contents of the bottle shook as he opened his palm in front of me, revealing Y/N’s Zolpidem.

I ground my teeth as I confronted Nick, "What were you thinking, man? Why did you take them?"

"For money," he replied nonchalantly, giving me a contemptuous look. He waved the pills in front of me, urging me to take them.

I kept my hand firmly by my side, trying to decide between Nick's offer and the fear that gripped me. My heart pounded loudly in my chest.

"You can sell those for almost a thousand bucks," he added with a smirk.

I scoffed at his suggestion, my voice rising with anger. "Why would I betray her trust like that? Did you not just witness what I did?"

"Shh, keep your voice down," Nick growled, grabbing my hand and placing the pills on my palm.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Why? She's not even here."

"Because Nicholas actually cares about her," Folio interjected, closing my hand around the plastic bag. "Do you?"

This is the end time out of my bed It’s like I’m tryna ride an avalanche

And if time is the key then I locked myself into my own black hole

His last question rang in my ears as I looked at the contents in my hold. I twirled the case between my fingers as my eyes closed in contemplation, a breath of anguish escaping my lips through the inward conflict. Do you?

Of course, I do. I was in way too fucking deep already.

You are not a saviour if you’re telling me it’s just a phase You’re a motherfucker if you’re telling me it’s just a phase

Y/N would be broken if I took them. She needs them, clearly.

She also offered us a place to stay; I couldn’t betray her any more than I already had… but how was I supposed to get all the money by myself?

I looked at Nick as my thoughts battled.

How am I supposed to look at her again? If I do this, how will I face her again?

“I can’t do it Nick,” I closed my eyes torment, holding the bottle back toward him; but my fingers never let go.

“We’ve been at this for seven years Noah. You’ll meet another Y/N.”

His words caused my chest to ache. I don’t think I’ll meet anyone like Y/N again.

“Sell them. These, and whatever fucking else you missed out on the first night you were here,” Nick exclaimed.

“She took us in,” I almost pleaded.

“And she’s amazing for that, but you need to think about us. We are so close to being free.”

I groaned in frustration, “Fuck!”

“Make copies of the pills if you’re so worried about her then,” Nick sighed, rubbing his fingers into his eyes in annoyance, “replace them with sugar pills so she doesn’t think they’re missing.”

I bit my lip as a tinge of hope budded in my chest, attempting to push past the guilt. If she doesn’t know the pills are missing, then she wouldn’t hate me…and I could still make enough money.

You need to fuckin hear me now

“That’s a great idea- but where the hell am I supposed to get pills that look the same?” I said. What kind of monster am I for actually considering this?

No one, no one will bring me down

“Get some vitamins or some shit from the pharmacy, it’s not that hard. She could use some vitamin A or some iron or shit. Whatever.” Nick shrugged, leaning his back against the door.

“Maybe you should rob one of the pharmacies?” Nick suggested.

I shook my head, “Too risky. There are cameras.”

“I know there’s a small pharmacy in Chinatown on Thirteenth Street. It’s super old, so the cameras may only be outside,” Nick watched me with careful eyes, “Drugs are the way to make cash.”

“I’ll give you the number of one of Jolly’s old dealers. I’m sure he can hook you up with a decent price.”

Nick was right. There was no way I was going to make enough cash by breaking into houses and stealing shit.

I left that afternoon, carrying all of Y/N’s pill bottles towards a pharmacy in the middle of town. Guilt ate me alive as I opened the door.

There was no turning back now.

I found various vitamins that looked similar enough to her pills. Grabbing all of them I went up to the counter, paying the cashier.

“Vitamin deficient?” She laughed, trying to make a joke.

I hummed in reply while she scanned the items, avoiding her gaze out of fear that she could see through me. I paid quickly, snatching my change from her hand. My palms were already sweaty with anticipation as I asked, "Uh, can I use the bathroom?" She narrowed her eyes at my nervous behaviour but still handed me the bag and pointed towards the back left corner. Giving her a brief smile, even though it felt forced, I made my way to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Leaning against the wall, defeated, I slid down to sit on the cool tile floor. This was a terrible idea. How could I have done this to her?

I’m not ok, I’m not the same My head’s screaming but I’m standing still

My leg bounced nervously as my stomach churned. I opened my backpack, grabbing ziplock bags that were labelled with each drug’s name and how much was in each pill.

Spilling the containments into the appropriate bags, I began replacing the pills with the vitamin look likes, filling the capsule with lies and deceit.

How long would this placebo last before she found out?

I put the bottles back into my bag and made sure they were secure. My head hung low, and I tried to hold back the tears of shame that threatened to spill over. I shoved the plastic bags into my cargo pants before standing up and looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. I gripped the edges of the sink, feeling the tension build as I stared at my reflection and the white ceramic bowl beneath it. Angry thoughts raced through my mind as my chest rose and fell rapidly, and I squeezed my eyes shut. It was all D's fault; if our lives weren't in danger, I wouldn't have to resort to this.

My life. Jolly’s. Ruffilo’s. Folio’s.

Y/N’s wasn’t- not because of D.

But because of me.

Why am I screwing her over, when I know how she doesn’t deserve it?

I turned the handles of the sink, letting the water fill the bowl as I splashed myself, trying to pull myself out of my delusion.

I needed to do this, I was so close to being done. I could make it up to her if she’d still take me. If she finds out.

The angel on my shoulder told me not to do this.

The devil reminded me of my pain.

I left the bathroom, walking past the aisles of products.

Trapped in a lie that’s made of drugs I pray inside, pray

“Have a good da-” The woman at the counter got cut off as I slammed the store door, my breath heaving as I marched down the sidewalk. Dark grisly clouds covered the sky, rolling in as they carried the beginning of a storm.

That I’m not alone, that you realize Sometimes a word could save a life

I stared straight ahead, eyes resentful and broken through the wind. There was no going back. Destruction.

I’m not okay, I’m not the same

My phone buzzed as I turned the corner.

Folio: He says he’ll meet you in the ally right before the pier

Me: Got it

Folio: Did you bring your mask? Gloves?

Me: Yep.

As I walked I swung my backpack around, grabbing the leather gloves and mask. Raindrops began falling from the sky in an uneven pattern. Shoving the mask in my sweater pocket I threw my hood over the top of my head. My legs carried me determined toward the alleyway before the pier, chest aching.

I chewed the inside of my cheek in remorse, resisting the urge to draw blood from the skin, knowing the sensation would distract me from my racing mind. I didn’t deserve to be distracted. I needed to feel everything.

Folio: Stay safe Noah. Don’t fuck it up.

Shit I don’t know where I wake up I might still be in a bad dream, a dark dream

As I approached the ally way I ducked between cars, pulling my black ski mask over my head, concealing my identity.

Silence is healthy violence, and I became deaf, I became drunk with my sorrows Alone in the night and 20 milli’

I walked between the brick buildings, small puddles forming between the cracks of cement. The ashy scent embedded around me as the dampened pavement absorbed the sky’s tears.

I lost my feet in the dark water that takes me towards Lucifer, hell

I stood behind one of the garbage bins, head snapping forward and back as I looked around for the man who would do my bidding.

“Name?”

My eyes squinted through the rain as a man in a yellow balaclava turned from a hidden corner, approaching me slowly.

“Who sent you?” I asked, knowing better than to answer first.

The man chuckled at my mistrust, stopping a few feet away from me, “Folio.”

“Good,” I nodded, reaching into my cargo pants, and pulling out the baggies, “Sebastian.”

He nodded, giving me a grin. My eyes immediately noticed the sheen from his teeth, the set of grills layered on the bottom reflecting the remaining light that shone through the clouds.

“What do you have to offer?” He asked, taking a step forward.

“40mg of Adderall, almost full bottle; 8mg of Zolpidem; half bottle; and 12mg of diazepam, almost full bottle,” I held out the bags. Crime.

He eyed them for a moment before smiling at me, “So where are the bottles then?”

I sighed, reaching into my backpack to pull out the plastic, and his eyes widened.

“You have more?” He asked.

I shook my head, “No. These are filled with vitamins now.” I handed him the bottle to inspect the packaging, showing that they were legitimate.

The man hummed, “Sly dog. Smart move,” he spun the bottle between his fingers, reading the label, “sucks to be whoever Y/N Y/L/N is.”

I felt my brows clench as a snarl grew on my face, angry that he used her name aloud.

“Let me check the real pills,” He nodded towards the bags, handing me back the bottle of placebos.

The masked man pulled out a small box from his pocket, pulling out a vial of fluid and some paper strips.

I scoffed, rolling my eyes, “You have a testing kit? Out here?”

He laughed, “Well, when you’ve been in this business for as long as I have, you have the proper tools.”

“Fair enough,” I shrugged, “They’re prescription, so they aren’t laced with shit.”

He nodded, “I believe you, but I’m still gonna check.”

The man opened one capsule from each bag, mixing the smallest amount into the solution he held before placing a drop on each testing strip. After a few moments, the strips changed colour and he smiled, the gold within his mouth flashing.

“It’s pure,” He said, rummaging through his bag before pulling out a wad of cash, “How does 2,200 sound?”

I had to hold my mouth shut, the price leaving me shocked, “Y-yea. That’s great.”

I held out my hand as he gave me the money, my fingers running across the top before placing it in my pocket.

“If you can get me more like this, I’ll up the price next time,” The man said, holding his hand out, waiting for me to accept his transaction, “People pay good money for pure shit.”

Next time.

I wrapped my gloved fingers around his own, sealing the deal of Greed.

“Folio will give you my number,” He said, pulling away.

“What can I call you?” I asked as I turned around, preparing to walk away.

“Vincent.” He said, grinning again as I listened to his footsteps splash against the puddles as he departed, “See ya, Sebastian, pleasure doing business.”

+

I got back to Y/N’s quickly, rushing up the stairs and heading straight for the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, placing the faux pills back in their designated spots. Fabricated homes.

As I closed the cabinet my heart almost fell out of my chest, Nicholas standing right at the bathroom door.

“What are you doing?” He asked, folding his arms.

“Uh-” I said, out of breath, “Nothing.”

“You sold them didn’t you?” Nicholas frowned, running his fingers along his brows in disappointment.

“I had to,” I explained, facing him.

He shook his head, “You couldn’t find drugs anywhere else? She gave us her home.”

“Maybe she shouldn’t have been so trusting,” I said, staring at the laminate flooring beneath my feet.

Nicholas scoffed, “Oh, so you’re going to blame her?”

I peered into his eyes as we battled silently, both our bodies stiff as we exchanged opinions.

“You’re going to regret it, Noah.”

“Yea, no shit,” I muttered, “But the twenty-two hundred bucks I got will be worth it.”

Nicholas’ eyes widened for a second before he stared at me angrily again, “Will it?”

I watched him, my fists clenching.

“Will it be worth it when you lose her?”

I gritted my teeth as he spoke.

“Will it be worth it when you have nothing, again?”

“Why do you care?” I yelled, my voice raising as my frustration grew. Ruffilo’s words were right; he was right.

His eyes softened as he turned, letting me out of the bathroom. I pushed my shoulder into him as I slid past his body, walking down the stairs.

“Noah,” Nicholas called out after me before following me, “It matters because I haven’t seen you light up around someone like that in years. If ever.”

I turned around to face him at the bottom of the stairs.

“I-I barely know her!” I said angrily.

“Do you not see how you look at her? Do you not see how you fucking held her this morning? Someone who doesn’t care, wouldn’t do that. You gave her your everything.”

My heart clenched, avoiding his gaze and words, “She doesn’t need to know. I’ll tell her when I’ve paid off our debt.”

“And when the pills don’t work?” He laughed, shoulders lifting as he threw his hands up in the air.

Anger Sadness Laughter Madness

“I don’t know!” I raised my voice again, mimicking his actions.

“She is already completely whipped for you-” Nicholas said quietly, his posture softening.

I looked away again, running my fingers behind my neck.

“-and you’re already wrapped around her finger.”

We are one step away from total decay Slipping Falling Closer to biting the concrete We are one step away You can't call this living

“I’m not the good guy,” I gazed up at my brother, his eyes saddening at my words.

I exhaled heavily as I walked toward the basement door, heading down to meet Jolly and Folio in the basement, signalling the end of my conversation.

Nicholas was the voice of reason, but I was too far gone to listen.

Jolly and Folio were jamming when I reached the bottom, the sound of a drumset being smashed leaving me confused.

“Hey,” Jolly nodded towards me, stopping mid-strum on the guitar. Folio hit the symbol one last time before he waved, sat in the corner in front of a shitty drumset that was barely holding together.

“The hell is this?” I tilted my head. The guitar Jolly was using was plugged into a beat-up amp.

I peered around the room, noticing two other blow-up mattresses and run-down decor.

“You’ve been busy,” I said, nodding at everything. They were making this place home.

“So have you,” Nick said, kicking the bass drum excitedly, “How much did he give you?”

“Who gives who what?” Jolly questioned, eying the both of us.

I sat on one of the mattresses, resting my elbows on my knees, “Vincent. Twenty-two hundred.”

“You knew?” Nicholas said frustrated in a causative tone as he eyed Folio.

“He needs the money Ruffilo,” Nick said annoyed, twirling the drumstick between his fingers.

“Yea, by robbing someone else, not Y/N.” Nicholas defended, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Don’t you feel bad?”

Walk the line and pray to your master Ball and chain, a slave to disaster

Folio hit the bass drum again, avoiding the question.

“So you sold her meds after all?” Jolly nodded in contemplation. I couldn’t tell whether he approved or not.

“Replaced with vitamins so she doesn’t notice,” I mumbled, my head handing in shame.

Walk the line and pray to your master Ball and chain, a slave to disaster This is an omen, a warning, a lesson to take So listen to the words that I say

Jolly began picking at the strings, “what were the lyrics you sang the other day?” He asked.

My eyebrows pinched together, “What?”

“In the motel? Something something, I see through you,” He said, shaking his head, “Devil or God?”

“I see through you, I know what you are,” I said slowly, “I've seen the Devil more than I've seen God.”

Jolly hummed, strumming on the guitar, “Cover your ears and shut your eyes,”

I stared at him, eyes squinting in animosity. What was he doing?

“Because what I'm about to say is gonna ruin your night.”

I watched him as he strummed, and Folio began hitting a beat.

“You've dug your grave and you have no one but yourself to blame.”

Animosity shifted to anger, “What are you doing?”

“Songwriting,” Jolly shook his head at me.

“But by the way, I agree with Nicholas.”

+

Hours later Y/N came home between shifts, shuffling down the stairs in excitement once she heard music.

“What!” She exclaimed excitedly, looking at the setup we created, “You guys make music?”

She sat next to me on the mattress, crossing her legs as she watched with adoration. She turned to smile at me, and I gave her a curt grin before looking down.

Her smile was radiant, and the look of complete awe she gave me left me crumbling. What have I done?

Danger Caution Proceed Slowly I am one step away from losing my sanity

“We’ve always just dabbled,” Nicholas said excitedly as he set the bass down, “but we went to the thrift store to find some mattresses and found the drum set and amp.”

“Well,” Y/N looked at all of us, “If you’re looking to make money, I know Sammy’s is trying to find bands who are willing to play live music.”

“I wouldn’t consider us a band,” Jolly laughed, “But extra income that Noah could use? I’m down.”

“Could we do like covers n’ shit? We don’t exactly have any original songs,” Folio said.

Y/N nodded eagerly, “Oh yeah, I’m sure that's not an issue at all.”

“How much would we make?” Ruffilo asked.

“I think like three hundred to five hundred,” She shrugged, “But I can confirm at work tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” I piped up, still looking at the floor, “Do you have tonight off?”

“Yeah, it’s quite nice. I’m exhausted,” She laughed quietly.

She looked over at me now, and I did everything I could to fight her gaze- but I cracked, facing her. Her eyes bore into mine with yearning, my stomach clenching as she spoke.

“Want to watch a movie?” We didn’t watch a movie.

As we lay in her bed I held her head firmly in place, her lips wrapped around my desire, mouth sliding up and down. I watched her with lustful eyes as her hand held the rest of me, tongue swirling around the tip as she stroked.

Slipping Falling Closer to places that I should not be

“Get on your knees,” the command left me in a throaty plea.

I am one step away, annihilate everything

Y/N obliged and I stood up, gazing down at her with my eyes half-closed as she knelt before me, vulnerable and at my mercy. Her lips closed around me once more, her tongue caressing my skin with elegance and finesse. My hips instinctively began to move in rhythm with her mouth, thrusting gently as my hands tangled in her hair for support.

Desperate for more, I pulled her closer until she gagged on my body, unable to resist the urge to dominate her. She met my gaze through her long lashes, the intensity of our eye contact only adding to the pleasure coursing through me. With a sudden burst of passion, she pushed herself even closer before pulling away, leaving behind a trail of saliva on my skin. I was on the brink of climax just from watching her, and the smirk playing on her lips made it clear that she knew exactly how much control she had over me.

Walk the line and pray to your master (Embrace the disease) Ball and chain, a slave to disaster (Have I just been dreaming?)

“Fuck,” a breathy laugh left me as I looked down in awe with a lopsided grin.

“Such a good girl,” I pulled her closer to my pelvis as I hit the back of her throat and thrust forward.

She pulled away, smiling at my praise as she wrapped her fingers around me, rotating her wrist before sucking against my skin again, “Anything for you.” She closed her eyes again, but I needed her.

Have I just been dreaming?

“look at me, show me those pretty eyes while I fuck your mouth,” I demanded and her lashes flicked up towards me, my body shuddering as she stared into me with complete greed.

I observed her every move, heavy pants heaving from my chest as I groaned deeply, my body close to its release.

Walk the line and pray to your master Ball and chain, a slave to disaster

“Fuck,” my stomach clenched as my body began to twitch, her lips sucking harder as she took all of me.

This is an omen, a warning, a lesson to take So listen to the words that I say

I moaned as she slid down one more time and I gripped her hair, holding her still. I filled her tongue as threads of my release coated the back of her throat. The sight below me left my legs shaking as I pulled away, tucking her hair behind her ears, and rubbing my fingers underneath her chin in endearment.

What have I done?

“Good girls swallow,” I whispered and she moaned.

“Open,” I said, watching in complete reverence as she stuck out her tongue, showing me that she obeyed, drinking in all of me.

I leaned down towards her, pulling her chin up to kiss me as I melted into her lips, sighing with commitment.

What have I done?

Chapter 7

Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken

@princessmarshmallowx @laurpartyprogram @cookiesupplier @nojoyontheburn @lacktoesandtoddlerant

@veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs

@flowery-mess @mentallynot-here @judging-from-afar @darkmxgician @badomensls

@hoe-for-daddywise @philomenie @xxkittenkissesxx @venturethroughtheveil @thefallennightmare

@blend-in-with-the-madness @reyadawn @deathblacksmoke @anameunmusical @sitkowski

@anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @amelia-acero @rumoured-whispers @artificialbreezy

[skeletonpunching]

Buddy Daddies interview with Toyonaga Toshiyuki, Uchiyama Koki, and Kino Hina

Interview with Toyonaga Toshiyuki, Uchiyama Koki, and Kino Hina (voice actors for Kurusu Kazuki, Suwa Rei, and Unasaka Miri)

[Translator's note: This interview contains spoilers for the entire series.]

Interviewer: In the final arc of "Buddy Daddies", some disturbing developments unfold in the lives of Kurusu Kazuki, Suwa Rei, and Unasaka Miri. How did that make you feel?

Kino: Kazuki, Rei, and Miri seemed to have become a real family, but once Miri's mother reappeared, I wondered just how things would progress towards the climax. Since it's an original series, I really was going ahead with zero idea of what was in store. I hoped no one would die, but in the end, Miri's mother did, and Kazuki and Rei took Miri in - that was a bit of a surprise. I was imagining all sorts of things, like, "I wonder if Rei's going to die..."

Uchiyama: Huh? Really?! (laughs)

Toyonaga: Even in the recording studio, we were chatting about "is someone gonna die..."

Kino: My father was also one of the viewers, and as he watched Rei's speedy evolution, he said, "I sure hope he doesn't die." (laughs)

Uchiyama: Come to think of it, him shouting, "Go for it!" at sports day really feels like a death flag.

Toyonaga: When it comes down to it, Miri-chan is in the most tragic situation of all - she's gone through the disaster of losing both her real parents. It's just Miri-chan's age that keeps her from fully understanding her circumstances; when we were recording live, I kept thinking that this must be so tough for Kino-san, who understands everything, but instead has to keep up that pure innocence the whole time.

Kino: The storyline and character backgrounds are rather dark, so I figured surely Miri would be heartbroken and burst into tears, sometime in the final arc. But there was no scene like that, all the way to the very end. Her only crying scenes were when she was throwing tantrums, so throughout the whole series, she stands out being as a girl with a bright smile. But I feel like the reason why Miri can stay ignorant of all this is because Kazuki-papa and Rei-papa take such good care of her. So I also tried to play the role without letting any stray thoughts get into my head.

Toyonaga: Her papas might have stayed a "comedian" and an "oil baron" until the very end. (laughs)

Interviewer: Kazuki and Rei's feelings towards Miri also underwent major changes, compared to how they started out.

Toyonaga: The entire plot was structured around the idea that the assassin job would hinder them in being parents; eventually, as a result of them being subordinates to the organisation, their ties - to Rei's father and so on - would get in the way. If so, what decision would the two of them make regarding Miri-chan? That was how things played out. And they did exchange blows with Ogino (Ryo) after all. In episode 10, they thought, "We can't change," and temporarily decided to return Miri to her mother - but in episode 11, both of them were incredibly hung up on this, and they ultimately couldn't let go. I think that's just how indispensable Miri-chan's presence had become to Kazuki and Rei, over the course of those 11 episodes.

Uchiyama: In the episode 10 ferris wheel scene, Rei expresses some lingering reluctance, with a melancholy look we've never seen from him before. That's where you can really see his emotional development. Another striking moment is in episode 11, where Rei confirms that Miri is unhurt, and brings up wanting to adopt her. It's quite a bold change for Rei to say something like that, even though Kazuki is saying it'd be better to step aside. He's voicing his feelings, in the longest lines of dialogue he's ever had, in order to change Kazuki's mind; it really has such a climactic feeling to it. I was wondering exactly how I myself should play this, in order to sway Kazuki emotionally.

Toyonaga: You really never talked so much before episode 11.

Uchiyama: In episode 12, there's also a scene where he's giving his father a long speech; when I saw the script, I went, "That's a lot..."

Toyonaga: Yeah, that was me all the time, up to episode 10. (laughs)

Uchiyama: Sorry! (laughs) Anyway, Rei's dialogue increases drastically in the second half of the show, and he displays a side you haven't seen at all in the first half. It leaves quite an impact.  

Toyonaga: The fact that he can say so much to his father - that's new too.

Interviewer: After all that, in the final episode, we're shown how the trio's future plays out. 

Uchiyama: That was a real surprise. If Miri's a high school student now, that means about ten years have passed. I was totally in the dark about that ending until I saw the script. I incorporated quite an adult tone into my voice whenever I was voicing Rei, so I thought, "If you're going to jump ahead into the future, give me a heads-up first!" (laughs) He's a dark character who's lived as an assassin this whole time, so I was already pulling out all the stops to make him as adult as I could manage. "I can't make him any older than this!" I thought.

Toyonaga: I was right next to him in the studio, and he told me, "No, I can't go any lower than this." (laughs)

Uchiyama: Actually, they didn't ask for any major changes. They weren't going for a simplistic sense of ageing - they just wanted him to seem like he'd matured somewhat emotionally. I appreciated that. Kazuki is 39 years old, I think. 

Toyonaga: Yeah, he grew a beard and all.

Uchiyama: And Rei being 36 was a shock.

Toyonaga: Likewise, rather than "Kazuki's gotten older", it was more like we should simply be aware of the passage of time. And when you think about it rationally, the 39-year-old Kazuki is around the same age as me now. I turn 39 this year. So I thought it'd be nice if I could portray a certain age-appropriate composure. Kino-san, I bet you were even more surprised?

Kino: That's right. When I received the script for episode 12, there was a drawing of a grown-up Miri on the back cover, and it gave me such a shock. Then I checked the footage and saw that she really had grown up; I was so taken aback! I usually play a lot of little kids, so I went into the studio thinking, "Will this really work out?" During rehearsals, I was keeping her age increase in mind, so I tried to give a pretty subdued performance. But I was told that the bubbliness was "very Miri", and it would be best to keep that. So I course-corrected for the actual performance. I think Miri's total emotional stability must be the result of Kazuki and Rei's trial-and-error parenting, and that's why all of them were able to find their happy ending. You can sense that they've become a real family.

Toyonaga: I once asked Director Asai, just in passing, how it would all turn out in the end. He said something like, "For a story like this, a tragic ending is also a real possibility..." So I was also on tenterhooks, wondering if they'd all die. I think the director fretted over it a lot too, but in the end, shouldering their various burdens, they moved forward together and became a family. I feel like it's an incredibly heartwarming ending, don't you?

Interviewer: Now that Miri is a high school girl, what will happen if she gets a sweetheart...?

Toyonaga: I think it'll be really tough to win Kazuki and Rei over.

Kino: I agree. In Kazuki's fantasy scenes, he said something like, "I'll kill you!"

Uchiyama: Right, he had fantasies of the future too.

Kino: There were scenes of Miri as a gyaru. And some predictions of a future with Taiga-kun.

Toyonaga: I wonder how Taiga-kun's doing in the future. Are they still in touch?

Kino: If so, Taiga-kun might be in danger. (laugh)

Interviewer: Looking back at all twelve episodes, which scenes or incidents left the strongest impression on you?

Uchiyama: Miri sang a lot. At the beginning of that episode, and at the end too.

Kino: She did. I practised once I got the scripts, but for her mother’s song, I received a demo song beforehand. Since Miri's mother was a singer, Miri loves singing; that's part of the whole setup, which was rather nervewracking. As for the kids' TV programme, I listened to the music through headphones and sang along on the spot - I went like "aaa-aaa-aaa~ ♪"

Uchiyama: It's not like Miri is in a musical - the songs contain different fluctuating emotions, and the point isn't to just sing them as beautifully as possible. It has to be a more varied portrayal. Also, Kazuki is a great cook, so I remember them eating lots of delicious-looking food.

Toyonaga: But you guys only ever grumbled about it. (laughs)

Kino: There really were quite a few scenes of "Miri hates this!"

Uchiyama: Rei has the same palate as Miri - he can't handle anything too elaborate. As for Miri, the taste of premade meals reminds her of her mother.

Toyonaga: When Rei was helping to make bento, he stuffed gummies in the onigiri.

Uchiyama: But it went over well with the children. All that food content was fun.

Toyonaga: Besides that - basically, Miri-chan's always a cutie.

Uchiyama: The thing about Miri-chan is that she doesn't just have cute or charming faces. There are plenty of "meanie Miri" expressions.

Kino: There really are. She seriously has such a rich range of expressions; as we went into the second half of the show, I kept thinking, "Wow, we get to see faces like that too?" It made me feel like my vocal performance had no restrictions either - like, "I can just let myself loose."

Toyonaga: How are you so good at playing a four-year-old?

All: (laugh)

Uchiyama: You make an incredibly realistic four-year-old.

Kino: Really? Thank you!

Toyonaga: Amazing, isn't it? When did you get this good?

Kino: When, huh... There are little kids who are naturally quiet, and there are those, like Miri, who scream "Boring!" and kick up a fuss. But starting from the audition, I figured I'd express my emotions innocently, just as they were. I wailed "Aaahh!" so much, things probably got really loud. When I was overdoing it, I was directed to dial it down a bit, and I adjusted accordingly.

Toyonaga: Whenever Miri-chan was happy or excited, she let out this incredibly high-pitched "Aaaahh!" I loved that. Kids really do react just like that.

Kino: Thank you very much. (laughs)

Interviewer: Can you tell us your personal favourite episodes?

Kino: The sports day scenes in episode 9 almost made me cry when I watched them. Kazuki was actually bawling, but it was such an incredibly warm and fluffy episode. I love it.

Uchiyama: Sports day was very exciting.

Toyonaga: It's fluffy and feel-good, but it makes you want to cry.

Kino: Rei cheering for Miri and regretting it afterwards was also very cute.

Uchiyama: It's true that Rei yelling like that totally threw Miri off. As for me, I'll say episode 10. It feels like a turning point in the story, plus it made me want to go to an amusement park. (laughs) There's something very appealing about a place like a ferris wheel. Out of all the various attractions, a ferris wheel feels most like a private room - it's an enclosed space where sound is cut off. I think it's a very special kind of space. After having fun all day, deep conversations can naturally arise within that sort of atmosphere. It was the perfect match for those story developments. You can really feel the misery of the final arc setting in; it's very memorable.

Toyonaga: And I'll go with episodes 7 and 8, which are standout episodes for Kazuki and Rei respectively. In episode 7, Kazuki talks to (Izumi) Karin-chan, his late wife's younger sister, and I kept all that incredible dramatic weight in mind when playing that scene. Approaching that material was a real challenge to me as an actor, so in that sense, it left an impression on me. And as for episode 8, when Rei is interacting with the boss of the organisation, you can really see the chains he's been shouldering this whole time, and everything that's made Rei the way he is now. Getting to learn about these things was definitely memorable.  

Interviewer: Once again, what do you think is the appeal of "Buddy Daddies"?

Kino: Kazuki, Rei, and Miri all bear their own heavy burdens from their past. Miri is separated from her mother, Rei's father has only ever taught him to live as an assassin, and Kazuki is also shackled by a tragic history. If you look at it that way, it's a dark story, but when the three of them are together, there are so many comical scenes that make you laugh, or upbeat flashy scenes. It's an exquisitely maintained balance, and you really can't get enough of watching it. There are scenes that will warm your heart, and scenes that will make you cry. That wide variety means this show can reach all sorts of people, and I think that's what makes it so wonderful.

Toyonaga: I think that different people who watch this series find different things to connect with emotionally. It can be enjoyed and judged in totally contrasting ways, depending on the viewer's individual experiences, lifestyles, and circumstances. That makes it a very fascinating show. People who are relatively young might relate to Miri-chan, and may project Kazuki and Rei onto their own parents. And that could lead to a lot of diverse opinions and reactions being exchanged - to me, that's one of the most appealing things about this show.

Uchiyama: The atmosphere of the series turns on a dime from comedic to serious, changing between one scene and the next, so you can barrel right through each episode without it ever feeling stale. I find that very enjoyable. And it ends with a timeskip to the future - that came as a real surprise to us too. All in all, the colourful plot twists and unpredictability really set this show apart. There's the unique sense of awe you only get from an original story.

Interviewer: Finally, please give a message to all the fans who have enjoyed "Buddy Daddies".

Kino: Through recording this one-cour story with a total of twelve episodes, I feel like I've gotten a glimpse of the sheer depths of human experience. I'm truly happy I could work on a series like this. As Toyonaga-san also said, it's a show which people can enjoy from many different perspectives, but since I played Miri, there were so many scenes which reminded me of my parents. The delicious cornflakes I ate as a child, being cheered on at sports day - all sorts of memories came back to me. I really hope this show also reawakened some warm memories for everyone in the audience. Thank you so much for watching to the very end.

Uchiyama: "Buddy Daddies" is an original series, so in a sense, it has plenty of blank spaces left. Kazuki and Rei's pasts, the details of the organisation, Kyu-chan's (Kugi Kyutaro's) private life... there are still some things we don't know. Also, what happened in the missing years during the finale's sudden timeskip? What sort of conversations took place as Miri was growing up? How did they end up at the diner? I think it's a lot of fun to fill in those gaps with your imagination. The anime is over, but I hope you will continue to enjoy yourselves in those blank spaces. Thank you very much for watching every episode.

Toyonaga: To everyone who watched all twelve episodes, thank you from the bottom of my heart. "Buddy Daddies" presented me, the actor Toyonaga Toshiyuki, with so many opportunities to challenge myself, and it really has been a delight. I'm also a father of one - I'm raising a daughter around Miri's age. Through playing this role and mapping it on to my own circumstances, I've learnt a lot in this one cour - both as an actor, and as father to a child. The series ended in an incredibly beautiful way, so rather than a sequel, I feel like it would lend itself well to occasional standalone spinoff episodes. I also look forward to being able to meet Kazuki, Rei, and Miri-chan again, and in the meantime, I will do my best as a real papa. Thank you so much.

[5-pp-man]

another tierlist because ppl actually liked that first one;

the crème de la crop;

the first 2 eps i thought it was fine, but it didnt really captivate me as much as id hoped. but then ep 3 changed everything for me. i started to think "how could living armour work logically? everything so far has been edible, so this must be too, right?" i actually managed to think of the exact thing that this series did. that really made me realise the worldbuilding in this was something unique, and it only got better and better with each episode. its really managed to captivate me and i look forward to "delicious donderdag" every week :)

ANIME ORIGINAL LETS GOOOO absolutely bonkers show that almost slipped by me because it initially tried to fool its audience into thinking it was a regular dramatic military show. it still is but theres also a giant robot who plays by saturday morning cartoon giant robot rules. if that sounds like tonal whiplash to you, trust me, it is. and its amazing. have i mentioned how homoerotic this one is as well? yeah. originally a tier below this one, but immediately after finishing this post i watched the newest ep. i had to make an exception and edit the list because ep 9 changes everything. i havent been gobsmacked by a show this hard in a while.

(return of the) show(s) that execute their own premise very well;

i havent read the manga for yubisaki to renren so i cant compare, but the quality of this adaptation has been very consistent. you need a little sweet romance every once in a while :) this is one of those series where the characters really grew on me the longer it went on. im always a fan of mixing realistic struggles with romance and this one has been doing it well so far

adaptations that are ok (i read the manga for both of these);

i've been a mashle fan since before s1 aired. and the anime has some good changes and additions here and there! but its not very consistent in terms of quality, it does that shonen thing where the animation quality suddenly spikes for certain action sequences, but it also frequently had a lot of scenes where they recycle shots a lot and nothing interesting happens on the screen for a considerable amount of time. still! its a fine adaptation. and yeah the op for this. blew tf up lmao? very strange to see happen in real time

i actually rlly like the manga for this one. i read the whole thing up until vol.6 before the season started (all that was available back then) and it made me cry multiple times throughout. i was sort of missing that connection with the show, though some of the later episodes still hit. its mostly to do with the animation quality, which isnt that great unfortunately. the voice actors are knocking it out of the park though

wghere am i;

is this show good? i. uh. will you hate me if i say yes...? objectively, i know its not that good. especially in the animation department. but if you like other Umatani shows, you'll like this one. it's got the same brand of goofy reactionary humour mixed with gimmicky tacky characters and crazy stupid plot twists. ive been faithfully watching this one each week and I'm afraid i've become very invested. overscientific indeed

bro you fell off...;

i was so beyond excited for this one. i replayed the op a million times, watched each preview, rewatched multiple episodes. and then. ep 5 happened. and i started to realise. oh this show kind of sucks doesnt it? the pacing of the first ep was great, but the rest? way too fast. it became clear with ep 6 that theyre trying to do a double cour show with half the length, which is why they started hauling ass plot-wise. now. i was an arajin apologist for the longest time. but at that point i honestly started to loathe him. even when he stepped up, his praise still felt sort of unearned. and to top it all off, shindou's motivation sucked so he felt like a lousy antagonist. ep6 was better than 5, but it really made me lose my enthusiasm and hope for the series. and right as we were talking about them probably not having time for a filler ep, ep7 happened. feels like a waste of time to do an ep like that when you've still got a whole 2nd arc to go through. but who am i

it started off pretty good honestly. but then chris went to the hospital and it kind of just dwindled from there. this season does so much with characters that have not even been properly introduced like how am i supposed to care about these people if i barely know who they are. the stuff with finn and leo respectively was good though. but the lore dump? lord help me. also vijay just kind of. exists to be there in the background huh? i would not call him a main character they never give him any attention. wendy had another ep again and he didnt get shit. again. also i think finn was stupid as fuck for not listening to lala but again. who am i. i know we cant destroy high card because we need a show but. cmon man.

i am severely behind on these;

reason why im behind is because most of the eps are a bit heavy so i kept. not watching them. its starting to get rlly interesting though so i'm def gonna catch up this is one of those robo-racism shows so i have to really watch out to see where its going. dont want another marginal service situation...

sorry this is just. a little too boring for me. its charming, sure. but i think this wouldve worked better as something with an 11 min timeslot instead of 23 min. theres just a bit too mu- or well, too little for me to rlly get into this. i think reading it would be more fun for me personally

[ibeta]

Embarrassing Interviews of Famous Red Scenes

One: Red is a singer, Sans is the brother of the guy that Mettaton is platonically dating.

*AT AN AWARD VENUE, AFTER THE EVENT*

Interviewer: So, when are we going to hear a love song from the newest Golden Voice singer?

Red: *scowling* i don't fucking sing love songs, who do ya think i am?

Interviewer: Our audience will be disappointed, but as you've never sang a single love song, it does sound like you—

*Sans walks past as he talks to his brother, who is Mettaton's plus one*

*Red starts staring with wide sockets at somewhere off-camera.*

Red: *desperate expression* waitaminute, i didn't say i wasn't gonna change my mind, give me that fucking mic right now i'm gonna blast your ears with the best love songs ever okay wait—

———

Two: Red is a famous actor, and Sans is an actor who takes on small roles, like a shopkeeper, a janitor, a random employee, or a passerby. He's not well-known, but people keep seeing him, and he looks familiar, although they can't tell why.

*AT AN INTERVIEW EVENT*

Interviewer: We've seen you play as the main character and the true villain of the movie, but rumours have it that your next step is a rom-com show, is this true?

Red: *confused* who keeps saying stuff like that? i don't do rom-coms.

Interviewer: Does it relate to your previous interview with Mettaton, where you mentioned that you aren't in love, so you have no idea how to play those roles?

Red: yeah, i have no idea what love wou—

*Sans darts past while giggling, running away from his irrate manager and brother, Papyrus*

*Red's stunned.*

Red: *panicking, flustered, a whole mess* actually, never mind. i am so inspired to do rom-coms right the fuck now. where's my manager? hey, you! get that guy's name and – where does he work? hire a scriptwriter from the company to write our love story—i mean a rom-com story and while you're at it, grab him so i can ask him out—ask him about it and—

———

Three: Red is a superstar with lots of talent, Sans is also famous, but as a scientist. His brother is the manager of the famous Mettaton, who receives help from Sans if he needs repairs. Sans gets invited to places because Mettaton appreciates his help so much.

Interviewer: Is it true that you've never fallen in love before?

*AT A SUPERSTAR EVENT*

Red: why do you keep asking me stupid questions? why can't you ask me about how stupid my last movie was? i don't know where they hired the idiot who thought it was a good idea to write a quasar into the last scene, i mean do you even know how stupid it would be for a spaceship to be that close—

Interviewer: *almost crying, wants to keep the topic of love, understands nothing about science at all* So, you have never fallen in love before?

Red: dude, were you not listening at all? i haven't—

*Sans passes by with Mettaton. He recognises Red and stops to talk to him*

Sans: oh, hey. you're that monster captain guy, right? did you know that quasars produce so much light that your space alien team should have been blinded even if your spaceship was made of plot armour?

Red: *staring at the other skeleton with wide sockets* you science.

Sans: *blinks and notices the camera and interviewer* oh. oh, man, sorry, i just overheard—

Red: *sweating* nonono, it's okay. anyway, about quasars, did you see how they put a habitable planet next to a blue star?

Sans: *pained expression* don't remind me. i had to tell my brother it was impossible several times over the course of a month after that movie.

Red: hey, since you like space so much, how about you be a star and stay in mine? *dying expression*

Sans: *flustered* huh?

Red: what about being the center of my galaxy? *desperate and confused expression*

Sans: *sweating* u-um—

Red: i think that you're the core of my world because you make me warm inside. *horrified at the things he's saying*

Sans: *embarrassed* stars—

Red: speaking of stars, are you one? because you're lumino—mmpfff *Sans decides to block his mouth with his hands, blushing and staring at Red in flustered surprise.*

*Red's experiencing the sweet relief of being silenced after his embarrassing words*

Sans: buddy, enough—

Red: *muffled* but you're so pretty. *Red is dying inside, but he can’t stop his mouth*

Sans: *dying noise* ...okay, fine. i give up.

Interviewer: *whimpering, forgotten at the side* ...is that a no?

———

1/?

[robbno]

Good morning.

Want some sad in your coffee?

When I was a very young lad, I had a favorite move I watched over and over again. None other than: "All dogs go to heaven".

It had everything. Well animated scenes, wild humor, a deep story, some weird stuff with a big pinch of scary stuff. It had what I craved.

I watched the dubbed Swedish version, so I didn't know much about the English actors, except that the kid actor to Anne-Marie (Judith Barsi) was snuffed out by her alcoholic father. A true tragedy indeed and hit me in a strange way.

Then a friend to me dropped this bomb this morning when we randomly started to talk about this movie.

Apparently the rumor goes, that the child actress had finished all her recorded lines before she ended up in front of a gun while Burt Reynolds (the voice actor for Charlie the dog) had some left to record after the incident. This happens to be the touching scene when Charlie says good bye to Anne-Marie before returning to the afterlife. It's said that it wasn't acting when Burt said his lines. When he heard the recording of the actress that's been like a niece to him for the last three years, he nearly broke down crying for real.

I don't know if this rumor is true. It sounds too perfect for a sad story.

But it didn't change the fact that I once again felt the heavy blanket on my shoulders thinking back to these people I respected so much as a kid.

Jeez...

[sevi007]

FF 16 spoilers

Spoilers right up til the ending lads and ladies

Are you kidding me. Are you. Kidding. Me

Ahem. Excuse me. I needed to get that out of my system.

Like. I‘m still reeling. I „only“ had the final fight to finish, thought yea, easy - and now this rollercoaster ride of feels right here. Ugh. Uff

I will get more into depth on the whole game in a seperate post later, but right now I need to jot down my first impression

From the start just - ugh. UGH. Gav openly crying into Clive‘s shoulder. Mid almost doing the same as they talk about Cid. Byron seeing his brother‘s sons off into a suicide mission

(Where was Otto though? Needed Otto, Goetz, Charon and Blackthorne here too! And Terence while we‘re at it. Aggressively promoting the NPCs here)

And Jill. Jill. I‘m almost glad she stayed behind and wasn‘t in danger but ouch. Now is so not a good moment for a love confession children (I know, I know, it might be the last chance, but that makes it so much more difficult). Why must you hurt me so, you two.

I will get back to that though

Then the journey and the final fight. Can I say I‘m almost disappointed there was no big aerial battle as Bahamuth against the many thralls? That would have been cool. But alas

I WOULD have liked for the battle of the three Eikons against Ultima to be. A real battle? Like the the Cinematic clashes are rather slow compared to other QTEs, I didnt feel a lot of excitement in this part of the battle compared to the rest of it

Changed with the next cutscene though. I mean, I had already suspected there is more of Ultima‘s people - one for every Eikon - but I had thought the Mothercrystals are there to power them up, and destroying them would stop that. I was just as shocked as Clive to here we basically helped them with it.

And then. Then. Here‘s the yelling part, the are you kidding me -

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE LOSE JOSHUA?!

We JUST got him back! After 18 years! We had all these sidequests to gather him medicine! He is literally the Phoenix - Undying! Nope. Nu-uh. Square I am not accepting that. Did not happen in my book

But also thos is quite possible one of the visually most beautiful scenes, what with the Phoenix wings and reflecting in Joshua‘s eyes. And the voice actors, especially Clive‘s, really knocked it out of the park. The gasps and sniffles and the pain? Holy shit. I cried mostly because of the voices

The unholy rage I felt man - I felt very much in Clive‘s position there. Very immersive. Just absolutely get WRECKED Ultima, you made the wrong brother angry

The battle was so, so awesome. I‘m sorry but this might just about be cooler than the one in Rebirth, hands down.

The music - that was a remix of Find the Flame, yes? It sounded different but alike.

Then that it was one on one, and Ultima almost humanlike - fit really well in showing how he is no different from us, from Clive. And the way Ultima got more and more desperate and lost all cool, INCREDIBLY satisfying

the part where Ultima and Clive kept meeting Eikon with the same Eikon - combined with the Voice overs from Clive‘s friends - so good, I cheered.

The Eikon fight part was also very cool. Hate to say it, but blue-fire Ifrit also looks damn cool. Can we get blue and red fire please XD

Just. The entire fight was wellrounded and fun, really had my blood pumping, I loved it.

And then. Then, the end. The flashback to baby Clive and baby Joshua. Come on. Dont turn the knife in the wound you sadists!

Well. Obviously. They are all okay. It‘s clear as day. Clive healed Joshua, so he‘s gonna be okay. Dion only fell into the sea, and OBVIOUSLY the Enterprise had followed them and picked him up. And Clive already got to the beach all alone, now we just need to go get him. Yup. Mhm

(But Sevi the game made it clear - shhhh. Shush. No. Not in this house. In this house, we live in dellusion)

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

5 Songs Tag - QL Shows Edition

tagged by @pose4photoml @morkofday and @leonpob. Thank you so much for the tag! 🧡 I love tag games and music, so this is perfect 😊

When you get this, list 5 songs from the Asian QL media that you actually listen to.

🎶They do not have to be custom-made for the series. 🎶Non-western tracks only. Let's support Asian music and languages! 🎶Feel free to tag anyone who may be interested in participating. 🎶Add #5qls tag to your post for others to find the new favourites!

This is really hard for me! There are so many beautiful OSTs and all are different and special to me 😭 So I am going to go with five favorites from different countries.

I. Korea: Rainbow by Coldin | OST from Love Tractor

I love the series and this song just gives me such a good feeling. The music just fits the series so beautifully. It is light and on the other hand a little bit melancholic. It is about a new love and allowing to be loved and love again and to walk this life together. I love it so much! And yes, he is sang Romatic Devil from the Semantic Error OST 😊 Just another great song!

II. Phillipines: Ride Home by Ben&Ben | OST from Like in the Movies

I know, this song is in englisch, but by a Filipino Band. This song and the scene when it played in the series...just AAAHHHHHH!!!!! I love it so so much! It is so perfect! And when you want to hear more of this great folk-pop band, I can really recommend Leaves or Araw-Araw. They have some really good songs. And if you haven't watched Like in the movies (Gaya Sa Pelikula), you really missed something. Such a good show!

III. China: Wu Ji by Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo | OST from The Untamed

Bold of anyone to think I wouldn't list this song! I mean, it is from the OST of my favorite series ever, sung by the main actors and I just love it SO much! But, to be fair, I would have taken something from Stay With Me, but the OST isn't out yet and I haven't found the song I love so much on Spotify. But this song right here it transports so many emotions for me. Such an epic song! I remember I heard the song before I have watched the series and was just blown away. After that I started the series and yeah, the rest is history. I fell in love with them and the whole story. I have the novels, but not the time to read them yet. I guess I find some time during my upcoming vacation.

IV. Thailand: REDO (ย้อนเวลา) by Krist Perawat | OST from Be My Favorite

The series has taken over my heart and so had this song. And I like his voice, singing or talking. And this song just speaks to my heart. It has a light tone, but the meaning is quite deep, just as the series itself. And I am in love. I guess there are just a few people out there, who don't want to change something in the past, undo some mistakes, make a different choice. Of course it is not possible, but it can be a reminder to just live the best life you can, so you won't regret your choices in the future. Oh man, I am so in love with this series!

V. Japan: 遠い国 by 上野大樹 | OST from Our Dining Table

You know the feeling when you watch something and there is this song and you can't think about anything else until you found the song and you can finally breathe again and just listen to this wonderful music? Yeah, that happend to me with this song. I don't know why, but I really want to cry when I listen to it, because it is so beautiful.

Because my five are full, I give an honorable mention to Twins by Julia Peng. It is from the OST of the taiwanese mini-series Innocent.

Oh, there are so many more good songs from these shows which I love so much and couldn't fit in here 😭

I really don't know who already participated in this, I know it is quite popular right now, but I just tag some people 😊 As always no obligations, just a little Hi, I thought about you 🧡

@rocketturtle4 @gunsatthaphan @maxescheibechlinichacheli @jyuubin @negrowhat @pharawee @forcebook @lurkingshan

[mygreatadventurehasbegun]

Here’s the rest of my Phantom ‘43 liveblog notes...just too tough to do tons of individual posts when I actually want to watch the movie....taking notes is much easier...though I still had to pause a few times because I just can’t type fast enough, lol.

~The Tenor in Marta has an amazing voice.

~The side eyeing between Raoul and Anatole has begun!

~M. Villeneuve looking almost amused when he comes across Christine being told off by M. Vechers.  I’ve always loved how in Christine’s corner Villeneuve is.

~I love M. Villeneuve’s speech about artists, and them needing to be around people who understand it.  And choosing between art and “a normal life”.

~NOT CLAUDIN RIPPING MY HEART OUT DURING THAT FOYER SCENE.  

~The fact that they just held on Claudin’s face while he’s playing The Lullaby of the Bells shows just how good of an actor Claude Rains was.  You can watch an extreme closeup of him, not speaking and still be enthralled.

~There is so much vulnerability when he says “what am I to do, Maestro?”  He’s so vulnerable, and yet still dignified....and I love that they didn’t make him beg.

~I love the random cat outside the window of Claudin’s apartment.

~THE WAY HE BARELY PAUSES AND LOOKS AT THE BUST, I CAN’T

~Not me crying when he almost cries while playing the piano

~I love the dress Christine wears during her voice lesson.

~The camera shot that reveals Claudin hiding from Christine is fantastic

~Before Claudin tells Signor Piretti about being dismissed, you can see his hands fidgeting in his lap...either from nervousness or the pain of his arthritis, or both.

~Speaking of Piretti, his “Italian” accent always makes me laugh: “The girl means nothing-a to me”

~The way Claudin’s face falls when Piretti starts laughing about the concerto.  Hasn’t this guy been through enough?  Jesus.

~As a kid, I always used to think the guy walking into Pleyel’s at the beginning actually was Pleyel...but it’s just an extra that look like him.

~M. Pleyel is such a dick

~I could watch that scene with the murder/acid throw a hundred times in a row, and still not be bored.  Just watching Claude Rains’ face change just before he snaps...also, the fact that they included Pleyel actually gagging is pretty intense for 1943.  And of course, Claudin’s screams are probably the best horror screams I’ve ever heard, especially coming from a man.  It’s so visceral.

~I do find it odd that he gets the acid thrown onto his entire face, but it’s only the right side that actually gets burned...maybe it was only supposed to hit the one side, but the take they went with was just too good to not use...

~Claudin, how did you manage to survive that long after throwing sewage on your burnt face?  

~Lecours reacting to the food that was stolen is hilarious.  In the script, it’s revealed that his “troubles” mostly boil down to indigestion...so when pickled pig’s feet and ham are mentioned, he grimaces and reaches for his 19th century Tums.

~The look on Anatole’s face after Aunt Madeline says: “please remember you’re speaking to a gentlemen”.  It always makes me laugh.

~I love that Christine says she encountered Claudin in the foyer, onstage and outside the opera...I wonder how many “surprise” encounters Claudin arranged just so he could see her?

~Time for something I never noticed before!  When Anatole presents the theory that Claudin probably fell in love with Christine, he says to Raoul: “You admit that is possible, no?”  And Raoul does a friggin’ double take.  I cannot believe I never noticed this before...It is hysterical and I rewound the blu-ray three times to rewatch it.  And even though the shot is on Raoul, you can totally see Anatole smiling at that reaction.  Maybe it made Nelson Eddy laugh or maybe it was in character, but either way, I love it.

~Is Anatole suggesting that he wants to do a bust of Raoul next?

~Just noticed that there is one woman in the orchestra who’s playing the harp.

~Anatole opening a conversation with “You’re going to be a great and famous singer, I’ll help you” is kinda odd...couldn’t say hello first?  lol

~Nelson Eddy and Jane Farrar’s voices really work well together.

~I wonder what the reason was for Christine to not be onstage during the first scene of the opera?  Other than to create suspicion for her drugging Biancarolli...though she was never actually accused...Biancarolli assumed it was Anatole...hmmm.

 ~M. Villeneuve being so proud of Christine as he conducts makes my heart melt a bit

~I always wondered what happened after Christine and Anatole’s duet?  Did Christine finish the opera or did Biancarolli push her out and finish it herself?  They’re only in Act I when she’s drugged, so there’s at least two more to go!

~I love the shot of Claudin listening to the thunderous applause for Christine.

~”Hearsay is not evidence Madame!”  Nice to see a police officer doing his job.

~M. Villeneuve is pissed when Biacarolli wants them to tell the press to ignore the fact that Christine sang.

~I love how Claude leans into the gravelly part of his voice after he dons the mask.  And that shot of him opening the curtains is so creepy!

~I don’t think I’ve ever actually mentioned how much I like the design of the mask...I like how it feels sort of sleek, and the deep-set look of the eyes.  And making it pale blue is such a cool choice.

~I would like both Claudin’s and Anatole’s capes, thank you.  Also love how they color coded them, with Anatole in white and Claudin in red (hero vs. villain)

~Every single thing that Anatole and Raoul do and say in the final scene at Christine’s apartment makes me smile.  The talking in sync, the side eyeing...everything.  I think this is the scene that makes every person who watches this movie ship these two characters.  The honestly have the best chemistry in the movie and I’m sad that these two actors didn’t make a series of buddy comedies.  WE WERE ROBBED.

~Nelson Eddy looks so good in that brown suit when he meets Franz List.

~I love that Hume Cronyn is in this movie.

~I need Christine’s pale blue dress in my closet now, please.

~The shot of Claudin coming through the curtains is genius.  I mean, it’s the officer’s fault for standing with his back to an open hallway...but it’s so creepy the way he appears out of the shadows.

~I love the third Opera sequence...I mean, it is Tchaikovsky, so that helps.  And Nelson sounds incredible.  And I’d still love a translation of the Russian...apparently, his pronunciation is really good.

~There is only one good bit of trivia that I got from the podcast I listened to yesterday: the set was reused from the silent film (I knew that), but the chandelier was actually in too bad of shape, so they rebuilt it, but built it in such a way that it could be dismantled for after the crash and put back together so it could be reused.  They said how much glass and crystal was used, but I can’t remember what they said.

~That shot where Claudin snaps his head back towards the camera before he begins sawing the chandelier chain always used to scare me as a kid.  On VHS, it looks like he’s looking directly into the camera

~I wonder how Raoul knew to go up into the catwalk to follow Claudin...was he dropping breadcrumbs?  Also, Claudin must have flown to get backstage and find Christine that fast, holy crap.

~He calls her “my little one”...how could anyone think that his love was anything but paternal?  Also, that “yes, what?” is such a parental thing to say...

~This Christine is so smart...thinking on her feet to try and get him to take her back...also, the fact that Susanna Foster is actually trembling is amazing.  I wish she’d had a bigger film career.

~I kind of love the fact that they are playing the concerto while the chandelier is still laying there.  Hope there aren’t any bodies underneath!

~Christine looking like she might make a run for it before Claudin helps her sit...good for her!

~God, that first look he gives her when he’s playing the concerto.  He can see that she recognizes the melody, and he thinks this crazy scheme just might work...he hasn’t started willing her to figure it out yet, but that look of recognition is incredible.  He looks down at the keys three times just to compose himself.

~I love how determined Christine looks when she goes over to grab the mask.  She knows who he is, but she just has to see his face.

~The shame on Claudin’s face after the mask is removed....whyyyyyy?  And then that quick snap to rage when Anatole and Raoul burst in.

~I love the look of panic on Anatole’s face when Christine says she’s always felt drawn to Claudin.  He wonders if she’s figured out the truth...more evidence of what was cut!

~I like how Christine has redecorated the leading lady’s dressing room.

~When Christine suggests they have supper...is she really suggesting a threesome?  LOL

~Anatole and Raoul walk off into the sunset and live happily ever after.  

THE END.

[isopodonanescalator]

OKAY SO. who wants to talk about rent? because I DO!!! this afternoon i saw a production at this random little theatre downtown. (i’ll add pictures at the end btw) it was a bunch of college kids in the show, and let me just say: they were cast SO perfectly it’s not even funny. i want to go character by character because it was really awesome and i loved it and i forgot how much i loved this show (even if it has some flaws), but before i do a character analysis and such, let me give some background info! i had front row seats, and since there wasn’t really an actual stage, the actors were directly in front of us and that was super cool!! there was a couple bits of audience interaction which i liked and i also made eye contact with a couple people and i almost died. onto the characters!!!

starting off strong with Roger because he’s my favorite! the vocals were so strong and full and i was blown away by how amazing he was (im in love with him no joke like holy crap) he made me cry MULTIPLE times in the second act because he showed his emotion so strongly and it like radiated off of him. ALSO HE MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ME NOT ONCE, BUT T H R E E TIMES!!!!!! I DIEEEED I SWOONED I CRIED OMG 😭😭😭 um but yeah his vocals stunned me and he showcased his emotions very very well! (he was also really attractive but that’s irrelevant)

next up is Mark because it just seems wrong to not put him after Roger 😭 he played his role so wonderfully and it was really insane how much resemblance he had to the character!!! like he looks exactly like how Mark should look and it was perfect. i really liked his mannerisms and the way he articulated certain lines scratched my brain very good!! his voice was ALSO phenomenal and his mother (who was sitting next to us) told us that he hadn’t sung in TWO YEARS so for him to sound that good after not performing in a musical for so long was literally amazing!!! he also made eye contact with me after Angels death while i was crying on my friends shoulder, and he like gave me a little nod which was very lovely. i really enjoyed how he played Mark, 10/10 fr!

Tom Collins next: his voice had such a nice bass tone to it and it was really pretty and eep! i absolutely LOVED how he looked at Angel almost any chance he had throughout the show, and i don’t know if it was staged or it was a character choice but i liked it. i don’t have much else to say about him because i payed a lot more attention to Roger (😭) but he also did a really great job!!!

ANGELLLLLL!!!! OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS I REALLY LIKED HOW SHE WAS PORTRAYED IN THIS PRODUCTION! i was very scared at first because of the fact that it was a small performance and i wasn’t sure how good it would be, but the actor was amazing. also: the costuming department absolutely AAAATTEEE with all of Angels outfits because they were on point! my friend and i freaked out every time there was a costume change because they were all so cool! the actor had such a lovely vocal range and i think it was sooo perfect for the character!!!

Mimi was ICONIC. first off, she was about my height which i was super excited about because you don’t always see a lot of super short girls playing the leads. she was like a foot shorter than Roger and she was so cuteeee!! her voice was SO strong and she had really nice breath control, but she had a lot of vibrato, which kind of threw me off at first. overall, i loved the way she played her, she made her very sad and she seemed super torn throughout a lot of the show.

i’m going to put Maureen and Joanne into one paragraph because i don’t have a lot to say about them. Joanne had a REALLY nice belt like her voice was supported and loud and take me for what i am was BEAUTIFUL!!! between her and Maureen that song was super good and you could almost feel the tension. also i have No Day But Today written on my converse, and Maureen saw them when she was on the ground near us during one of the scenes, and she pointed and smiled!

that’s really all i have to say, but feel free to ask about anything if you’re curious (that’s mostly for @loganschwarzy because i know you were wondering about Angel)

this was their set, and there was a bunch of parts of the walls that spun and worked like doors which i thought was THE COOLEST!!!

before the show started they were playing city noises over the speakers which was also cool!

these are my converse that Maureen pointed at!

[ketho484]

Part 4 of the actor AU WOOOOOOO!!! I hope you like it

Au belongs to @frillsand

🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵

Chapter 4: The gift of friends

The days blurred together rather quickly as a new routine was established. Willow would be dropped off at the studio by Jessica, the kid would interact with the cast, she’d watch them record, and then Wally would take her somewhere. Sometimes they’d go with someone else, like going with Howdy to help him get some groceries, or going with Frank to the library, or going with Sally to the theater. Willow’s mood definitely improved as she interacted with everyone. She wasn’t as shy anymore, she was happier, and thanks to Wally making sure she ate something every day, she looked healthier too. She loved this new life. Some of the stage hands loved this kid too for how endearing she was. She actually gave her own personal opinions on scenes when they were shooting, even showing the cast how something might be funnier or more coordinated. Her favorite pastime with the cast was helping them with their lines. She especially helped Wally give Poppy some extra attention by stepping in for him when he was busy shooting a scene. Life was nice…until a month after the first visit.

Willow was a wee bit depressed today, which immediately seemed to change the atmosphere of the work environment. She was jittery and flinched if anyone, including Wally, tried to touch her. She kept up a chipper attitude when her new friends needed it, but other than that, she was tired and she was sad. By lunchtime, she’d locked herself in one of the storage closets used for props while the rest of the cast ate at the canteen.

“…Okay, enough is enough” Sally spoke up, an agitated tone in her voice “We need to figure out what’s going on with Willow”

“I agree” Julie piped up “Willow’s all down in the dumps and we have to fix it!”

“Might be harder than you guys think” Wally stated, making everyone look at him “When she gets down like this, sometimes it’s hard to make her smile”

“There’s gotta be something to turn that frown upside down” Barnaby said as he started thinking

They all began brainstorming. Some fresh treats? No, she might not eat them. A fun game? She might not play. Read her a story? She may fall asleep or end up hating the book. A joke? She might not laugh. A funny skit? Same problem as the joke. A sweet note? She might get upset and rip it up. A new toy? She might reject it.

Wally sighed and got up, the others not noticing since they were chatting. He went to the closet Willow was hiding in and sat down with his back leaning on the door. He could hear her crying in there. It broke his heart to hear that little puppet crying. Even still, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, leaning on the door as a gentle song came from his lips, a song his late mother would sing to him if he was ever sad or scared or if he had a hard time sleeping.

“Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me

Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee

Sounds of the rude world heard in the day

Lulled by the moonlight have all passed away

Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song

List while I woo thee with soft melody

Gone are the cares of life's busy throng

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me”

By the time he was done, his eyes opening slowly as a few tears trickled down his felt, yellow cheeks, Willow’s crying had ceased. He heard a loud click from the door before getting up and going into the prop closet. The light was on, which was good. Willow was sitting with her back against the far wall, face buried into her knees as they curled up close to her, arms keeping them from slipping. Her hair was messy, her body was shaking. She was a mess. Wally sighed and went to sit down next to her. He didn’t say anything, but he did look at her sadly. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Willow finally spoke.

“…Daddy said you were using me” She spoke in a broken voice “H-He said you wanted me to help you and your friends do better in your show…H-H-He said when…when you were done with m-me…You’d throw me o-o-o-out!” Her shoulders heaved and she started crying again

“What? No!” Wally pulled her into a gentle hug. He didn’t grip her shoulder so as not to scare her too much, and although she froze, she didn’t fight to run away “No, we’d never do that to you. Never in a million years. You’re precious and sweet and important to us not because of our careers, but because we want to see you happy too. I see it in the eyes of my friends every time they see you. You make them smile, so they want to help you smile”

Willow turned slightly and buried her face into Wally’s sweater, sobbing into his chest as he hugged her a bit tighter. He gently rubbed circles into her back to help soothe her, which did seem to make her feel a bit better as she calmed down rather quickly…because she fell asleep in Wally’s arms. All that crying for, quite possibly, hours on end, left her rather exhausted. Wally sighed, smiling as he picked her up and left the closet with her, heading to his dressing room. There was a couch in the room that he laid Willow down on. She curled up into the orange dyed leather as Wally used a long cardigan as a blanket for her. When he was satisfied and knew she was safe, he left the room and locked the door to make sure nobody would disturb her. He went and met up with his friends on stage six.

“Wally!” Barnaby called him over “We have a plan to help Willow!”

“No need” Wally smiled as the others gathered around him “I know what happened”

Wally relayed what Willow had said to him. To say the rest of the cast was alarmed or upset would be an understatement. Frank, Julie, and Sally were boiling with rage, Barnaby was downright horrified, and both Howdy and Poppy needed to be stopped from going and trying to wake Willow up. They had each planned to get her a present that would hopefully cheer her up, but they all decided to put it all into one manageable lump present. After shooting was done for the day, they all created the present and left it in the dressing room, watching from the slightly ajar door as Willow woke up, saw a piece of paper, and opened it. Her eyes watered at what she read, many types of handwriting present and each one telling who wrote what:

‘Dear, Willow,

We all hope you had a nice nap. You looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to wake you, so I let you sleep in my dressing room. I told the others what you told me and to cheer you up, we all decided to write a letter. The following are the messages from the cast:

Sweetheart, you’re the sweetest little treat that helps brighten my day. The flour that holds together our friendship cake. You make my day that much sweeter.

Pup, you’re a really funny gal. Your jokes never fail to make me laugh, and when you laugh at mine, I can’t help but laugh with you. You really tickle my funny bone.

Starlight, you’re truly the best person I know. If it were up to me, as a thanks for all the help you give us, I’d give you a leading role in the show, like Wally’s top co-star.

Little one, you are incredibly intelligent. When I spout out my facts, you listen, and if I’m ever wrong, you correct me. I can respect your intelligence at such a young age. It’s one of the things that makes you so endearing.

You’ve got such big dreams, kiddo. I know they are there, and I know you haven’t shared them yet, but like a letter with a stamp, I know your dreams will find you.

Little butterfly, you’re like a teddy bear. You’re so resilient, but when you tear, you need fixing. Luckily, if you want, a guy with four arms can stitch you up easily.

Rosebud, you bloom so brightly every day. On the days you wilt, I’m willing to give you extra care to make you happy again.

Willow, I know you’re scared of being left behind, but I promise that we’re not going anywhere. Anything you need, just tell us and we’ll all do our best to provide. We all love you’

The entire cast signed the letter. Willow was crying again, though the crew could clearly see the smile on her face as she pulled the letter close to her chest. They had never seen her this happy before. Wally went in, immediately catching Willow’s attention. The little puppet ran to Wally, hugging him tightly. He sat her on the floor as he hugged her back. One by one, the cast joined in the hug, making Willow smile more and more as she started crying again. She had never been this happy before…

…and she didn’t want the feeling to end

[piracytheorist]

Okay thoughts about the musical! I will go into a bit of a detail so if you prefer being surprised by how things appear in the musical, then skip this post.

It's about 2 hours and 40 minutes long, not counting a 30-minute-long break in the middle and the last ten or so minutes of bows and the cast saying goodbye. It's a big thing, though it doesn't show anything that hasn't been shown in the anime already - although from what I noticed, the lyrics and dialogue are based on the manga dialogues. It even adapts scenes from "Fullmetal Lady", which was adapted by a manga chapter further down the line.

First thing you hear after the orchestra tunes up is sounds of guns firing and bombs falling. The music starts and it's soon joined by a young Twilight crying.

Yeah :)

It's framed as Twilight looking at his past. After this very intense and dark intro, it starts adapting from the very first page of the manga. Some stuff are shown as "action" on a projected screen. The Handler appears from the very beginning, acting like a sorta narrator and also the one who introduces Operation Strix to Twilight.

It skims through details, but main scenes are kept and half the time the dialogue is spoken, the other half sung. I did not particularly like that they took the manga dialogues as they were and simply turned them into lyrics, there are lots of instances where the rhythm and lack of rhyming sounded awkward, but it's not too distracting from the entertainment.

I'm not an expert in musicals, but it looked like a well-standing production. I can't lie that I did notice some weak spots in the main actors' singing, but I give a pass because it was a very long production and they might have been tired from constant rehearsals and performances. Around 2/3 of the first part Twilight's poor actor was sweating buckets and didn't even have the time to wipe it off. But he still acted, sang and danced without showing any signs of tiredness or stress. In fact he was pretty funny in his acting! Yor's actress did some cool moves, too, she looks so badass as the Thorn Princess. The Anya actress from the performance I watched was very good, especially for her age! Good singing and great "placement" on stage.

Franky was fun! He seemed to really enjoy it, or simply really really get into the role. The Handler had some awesome dance moves and a strong voice, they knew what they were doing with her actress - also she has a very swaggy song right after the break, that accompanies the "Fullmetal Lady" part. I hope they release the songs from official recording off live performances, cause some of them are pretty cool!

And I swear, Yuri is far from my favourite character in the show, but just like the English dub, in the musical he just serves. He's so fucking enjoyable, and looked super professional in his dance and sing combo - I might need to rewatch, but he might have been the best at singing and dancing at the same time from all the cast. Paired with his overdramatic acting he was so much fun to watch!

By the way, the choruses were damn near impeccable. While I noticed a few flats and weak high notes from the main cast, I don't think I noticed a single mistake from any of the chorus parts. I was even taken aback by one; when Anya has a flashback of the lab scientists, said scientists sing in a chorus about how she has to study and has no time to cry and play. And it's awesome! Though you also feel sad because halfway through it Anya (the character, not the actress) bursts into tears and you're just like :( stop hurting her :(

The design changes are cool and smooth. Some back dancers/singers help with the changes sometimes but they feel very part of the whole thing. It doesn't take you away from the action. Fight choreographies are pretty good, too. I mean, they are theatrical ones, it's obvious they're fake, but they're faked well and professionally. You don't expect cutting and montage on a theatrical performance, after all!

You might have noticed from the video I posted, but Henderson's actor did a good job being a meme playing.

In general the whole presentation has a feeling of... not taking itself very seriously. Like, they have an entire movement just for Bondman! It's still very professional but they also take it a little lighter - aside from scenes where gravity is needed, like when Anya or Twilight have their flashbacks, when Yor kills her target, when Yuri interrogates that guy they arrested, etc. I think there's a good balance overall.

After Yuri's visit ends, Twilight has his moment of thinking how he felt jealous of Yor and Yuri, and though the acting was a little subtle, I really liked it! I like it as a moment in general so I'm glad it was added there and done justice!

I'm not sure whether Fiona really had time to be a part of the musical. She only appears a little before the end, in an adaptation of the "Nightfall" episode/chapter, and though it's done well (and the singer has a great finish line) it feels a little shoehorned in, lol. She was still enjoyable and I understand why they added her, but still. She was fun to see her fangirl about Twilight and Twilight being none the wiser - I feel that was even more accentuated there since it was live action, lol.

Near the end is also the Loidman part, with a choreographed fight between Loid and Yor! I missed some action though because some cameraman decided to film Anya's reaction from up close instead. Cute, but not the center of attention, dude!

Anyway, it then ends with a bit of a "summary" of how Anya has to become an Imperial Scholar (we get to see her in her school uniform!), and a full-cast and chorus reprise of the beginning song, which is certainly not an earworm for me right now SUBETE WA YORI YOKI SEKAI NO TAME NI I mean what

Overall, it's quite entertaining, and I'm not a big fan of musicals myself! Again, it's a long watch, and you have to be mindful that you're watching a filmed theatrical performance, but I would recommend it for its humor.

[sweetiesicheng]

renjun - scene

word count : 504

-

you two were back-to-back. the empty auditorium felt so cold as you two sat there. "i'm sorry," he finally spoke, his voice full of regret.

"that's all you have to say to me?" you asked. "we should just break up at this point," you said and stood up from the floor, stopping yourself from looking back at him.

"wait!" he stood up and turned around while grabbing your arm. "we can make this work! come on, after everything we've been through. the two of us can do it. we can."

you faced him, tears finally running down your face, "we've already tried to make it work! and guess what, every attempt we made failed," you said to him. "don't you get it? we weren't meant to be."

he closed his mouth and looked down. "i'm sorry," he quietly said to you, as if those would be the last words you would ever hear from him.

"i'm sorry too," you said to him. you gently took his hand off of your arm. "goodbye." you turned and started walking off of the stage. you continued walking until you reached the mark that was a piece of tape on the ground.

"and cut! perfect! let's do that again, but with the angle change," the director announced. crew members start moving a few things around, mainly the production crew that had to change some of the lights and other equipment that was sitting on the stage.

a makeup artist started wiping the tears away so she could fix your makeup. 

"i can't believe you made yourself cry so easily. we could've just faked the tears," the makeup artist said to you.

"it's really easy for me to do," you admitted, "i just think about sad puppies and it makes me cry easily."

"let's walk back onto the set. the lighting’s a lot better over there," the makeup artist said to you and you nodded. you two walked back onto the stage, where renjun and another makeup artist were.

"y/n, good job," renjun said to you and both of you fist bumped.

"you, too," you smiled at him and both of you got your touch-ups done. “i'm glad we got to do this show together. you're an amazing actor," you complimented him.

"you're amazing, too," renjun said. "hey, maybe we could get a bite to eat together? maybe after the shoot if you have nothing to do?" he suggested.

"sure, sounds like a plan," you agreed with a smile. “filming ends really late today, so maybe an early breakfast? there’s that diner near by the set,” you suggested to him.

"i like the sound of that," he smiled back at you.

"okay, everyone! let's continue!" the director suddenly announced.

you and renjun sat down, facing back-to-back again. the makeup artists fixed your hair and made sure you and renjun looked the same as before.

and with sad puppies on your mind again, you heard the director shout for the filming to begin again.

[emisirrelevant]

WE ARE THE TIGERS WEEK DAY 7/ REUNION DAY

AHHHHHHHHH

HAPPY REUNION DAY MY FELLOW TIGERS/GILES COREY STUDENTS.

I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE LIVESTREAM AND OMG IT WAS AMAZING.

SO AS MY POST FOR THE LAST DAY OF WATT WEEK, ENJOY MY NOTES I WROTE DURING THE LIVESTREAM:

Preston starting things off! Hello icon and legend!

YESSS GO CAROLINE!!!

MAJOR SHOUTOUT TO CAROLINE LELLOUCHE AND LEANNA (I didn't get her last name I'm sorry) FOR COVERING PARTS

COVERING FOR LIKE 4 songs 

APPRECIATE YOUR SWINGS 

AHHHH CHESS AND KATE

JENNY AND CELESTE ARE BACK I MISSED THEM

HAHAHAAA Kaitlyn holding the phone when she calls Farrah 

AWWWW ZOE AS FARRAH

GOD I MISSED THEM ALL

SHE'S GOT THE FARRAH BRAIDS

AHHHH “sure Riley, what could go wrong?” 

awww Caroline changing the way "welcome everyone" is said

OK WE'RE ON DON'T EVEN

BUT I DON'T EVEN CARE I DONT CARE

JENNY AND CELESTE YESSS

“Chords for Christ” HAHAA

“Is co-captain a thing now?” Iconic line +1

“It’s not nepotism it’s called friendship” Iconic line +2

WOAHHH A LITTLE LYRIC CHANGE? (I didn't get the words down I'm sorry but maybe someone else will remember)

SCRELTING!!

Oh god it’s Skype tomorrow time

OHHH THE WAY JENNY AND CELESTE TOTALLY GET INTO THE CHARACTERS

OH GOD BEFORE THE BREAKDOWN

CELESTE AND ZOE VOCALS!!!

OH GOD EVERYONE SINGING NOW

THE BEAUTIFUL HARMONIES 

UH THE ZOOM IN ON THE LAST LINE KNOWING WHAT HAPPENS TO CHESS AND FARRAH

“Unfortunately after that Chess is murdered” HAHA Preston narrating in between

RIP Chess now it’s abstinence song time

YESSS KAITLYN SINGGGGG

YESSS CLARK SPOTLIGHT TIME

The man has entered the plot

FOREVER FOREVER-

"or however long it takes" lol love that lil line from Clark

Their voices are great together

Awww they must have had a lot of fun singing this one together again

HHHHH

A SURPRISE?

YES PRESTON BEING REESE!

YOU CAN CHANGE THE KEY FOR TRANS ACTORS!!! (said by Preston himself, ICON!)

Ohhh Preston singing this gives it such a deep meaning and it’s so good in every way

CAROLINE NO IMMA CRY (Y'all she started crying doing the dialogue when Riley says when you're a Tiger, your team won't let you fall, anyone who breaks that promise breaks us, and then everyone in the chat got EMO)

OMG THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL

CAROLINE DID SO WELL

THEN FARRAHS SONG AFTER THAT OMG

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

BUT YES ZOE BEAUTIFUL VOCALS AS ALWAYS

OMG WALLFLOWERRRRR

Omg Wonu and Caroline did so good

The VOCALS AND RUNS

THEM GETTING HYPE IN THE END AWW

Omg DEFENSE TIME

defense, defense 

AWW LOL WONU COVERING HER LIL LYRIC SLIP AHAHA

Wonu I love you 

A national treasure

TIGER PRIDE ALWAYS

TAMPER WITH A MURDER SCENE

YESSS WONU!!! SCRELT

LEANNA AS MATTIE YESSS

I LOVE ITTTT

YESSS VOCALSSS

HAHAHA SOMEONE SAYING "SHUT THE FUCK UP"

LEANNA DID SO WELL SINGING MATTIE'S LAMENT

Oh god here we go 

“Not my usual reaction to homicide” haha Wonu as Cairo I will always love you

“Welcome back everyone” while like 3 people have died

OH GOD MOVE ON IS AFTER PHOENIX IM NOT READY

OH GOD NOOO

My heart

Kaitlyn and Jenny their voices together

UGH THE HARMONY ON "don't let go" 

ALWAYS GETS ME

AHH THE HUG AT THE END (Kaitlyn, Jenny and Celeste all hugging it out but Zoe completely missing it haha)

YESSSS SYDNEY 

SHUT UP AND CHEER TIME

AHH HER KEEPING THE GROWL ON "SHIT"

LOVE IT

SYDNEY VOCALS

EVA SANCHEZ I LOVE YOU

OMG HERE WE GO 

Haha the lines in IDK

so good 

WONU SINGING SEE YOU ALL IN HELL is my religion

YESS CAROLINE DOING THE BREAKDOWN

AHHH THE C-C-C-CUT EM

Amazing.

HHH MOVE ON REPRISE???

WE LOVE A LITTLE BIT

HHHH

OMG THE FINALE

NO NOT ALREADY

IM EMO

IM ACTUALLY SO EMO

THIS! SONG!

WE ARE THE TIGERS GO!!

Ugh seeing everyone up there singing together again MY HEART

OMG AND A LIL ENCORE

SINGING A CUT SONG OOH

EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE HER

OKAY BANGER

AS EXPECTED

YESSS VOCALS

OOH FARRAH AND CAIRO HARMONIZING

THE MOTIF OF "We are the soul of the school" COMING BACK IN THIS SONG TOOO???

OMggggg I wish it didn't end

That was amazing

So WORTH the livestream ticket

Ahhhh I love this musical

WATT my beloved, you will always be loved by me.