#agni is actually so valid for all his choices

[ravelqueen]

I LOVE

SOMA

SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH

LIKE!!!

look at him!!! hes so pretty and cute and also so fucking dumb, i adore him

ciel goes : this is a secret so OF COURSE the first thing to do is to be as obvious as possible i would die for you Soma Kadar

[yourhighness6]

Zutara's Song is Definetely The Great War by Taylor Swift

I've seen a lot of Zutara songs and playlists out there and I wanted to share my opinion on my personal favorite

I want to start out by saying that this analysis is going to completely ignore Taylor Swift's intentions when she wrote the song and any analysis of the song in concurrence with her life. I'm also going off my personal feelings that the first verse and chorus are Zuko talking to Katara, the second verse, chorus, and bridge are Katara talking to Zuko, and the remaining parts of the song are them reflecting after the war.

My knuckles were bruised like violets,

Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep talked,

For me, this was pretty typical season 1 Zuko. Angry at the world, fighting everything in sight, ect, ect. It's only after the first two lines that the song gets a little bit more specific.

Spineless in my tomb of silence,

Tore your banners down, took the battle underground,

That third line is really reminiscent of Ba Sing Se. He took himself out of the story, until, of course, he had to make a choice in "Crossroads of Destiny"

And we know what he chooses

It's almost phrased in the form of an apology, which connects it even further to their story. "Tore your banners down" could also mean the fall of Ba Sing Se in general. Aang is Katara's banner, the avatar who she put so much hope in, but the Earth Kingdom banner is also who she was fighting behind. Azula killed Aang, so I would personally say it's the latter, but I saw two meanings behind it so it's totally up for interpretation.

And maybe it was egos swinging,

The "egos swinging" bit resonated with me a lot, because at this point in the story Zuko isn't done with his character arc. He still seeks his father's validation over his own moral code, and although it seems to me like he's gotten over a lot of his entitlement, I think he still feels entitled to his throne. That's one of my favorite things about his arc, actually, that he comes from a place of privilege but eventually, unlike Azula, realizes that the right to rule isn't given by birth but by true care for the people you represent. (some politicians should take notes)

Maybe it was her,

To me, the "her" in this case is Azula, convincing Zuko their father will be proud of him if he returns to the Fire Nation, although it could also mean Mai. Again, open for interpretation.

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur,

This could mean a lot for different people. I've seen a theory about Zuko possibly disassociating (not unlike similar theories about Darth Vader), which I think is interesting. It could also maybe represent the guilt he still feels, which is my personal opinion.

Moving on, the chorus is fairly generic once again,

All that bloodshed, crimson clover,

Uh-uh, sweet dream was over,

My hand was the one you reached for,

All throughout the great war,

The hand part stuck out to me because of the part in the final agni Kai when they reach for each other:

(screencaps are bad quality but ya'll get the idea)

Then it goes back to the any enemies-to-lovers generic dynamic again...

Always remember, uh-uh,

Tears on the letter,

I vowed not to cry anymore,

If we survived the Great War.

And then we switch to Katara's POV:

You drew up some good faith treaties,

I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone,

You could argue that this is several moments throughout the series, maybe at the end of the war when she gets together with Aang, but I connected it most with her time spent on the ship after book 2. While Zuko was trying to fix his relationship with the Fire Nation and return to his family, Katara was isolating herself, worried about the war, about the avatar, avoiding her father and Sokka out of shame and feelings of abandonment. It was an extremely dark time for her, and although Zuko was trying to feel hopeful about his return, he doesn't even smile when he reunites with Mai. He knows he made the wrong decision.

You said I have to trust more freely,

This is after Zuko's redemption arc, during "The Southern Raiders" (which is probably my favorite ATLA episode, btw). Zuko encourages Katara to trust him, feeling that he is changed and is now deserving of it.

But she refuses to forgive or trust him

I would argue this is for good reason. She is clearly angry at more than just him, the entire Fire Nation, in fact, for murdering her mother and starting the war, but it is also very personal. When he betrayed her in Ba Sing Se after she revealed such a devastating detail of her life and they shared a connection, her abandonment issues probably came into play. It's similar to the trauma she had with her father after he left to join the war. She is scared that the people she cares about will leave her, just like her parents did, whether they had a choice or not, and just like Aang did when Azula shot him with lightning, again, without meaning to. Zuko left her intentionally to join the Fire Nation, even after she offered to heal his scar, a very important moment in their arcs. She is forgiving, optimistic, helpful, and kind to someone who hunted her and her friends for nearly a year, and he throws the offer of her most valuable asset back in her face and is instrumental in Aang's near death experience.

But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire,

He helps her. He uncovers her trauma, aids her in working through it, is supportive even when it was probably more than he bargained for.

And maybe it's the past that's talking,

Screaming from the crypt,

Telling me to punish you for things you never did,

Her mother did die at the hands of the Fire Nation, under Zuko's family's orders, whether they came directly from Ozai or not. But he wasn't the one who killed her or ordered her death, and he IS the one who is trying to defeat his father and end the war in favor of balance and peace. She realizes that...

So I just defied it,

...And finds it in her heart to forgive him.

After that, we start on the chorus again.

All that bloodshed, crimson clover,

Uh-uh, the bombs were closer,

I think that last line also refers to a different scene, much earlier in "the Southern Raiders", when Azula attacks the temple...

My hand was the one you reached for,

All throughout the Great War

...And Zuko saves Katara.

(I might do a separate post analyzing just this moment because holy crap there is A LOT there)

Always remember, uh-uh,

The burning embers,

I vowed not to fight anymore,

If we survived the Great War,

I think this refers to the agni Kai specifically, as does most of the bridge. The fire everywhere, the fear, the fact that it's the last battle of the war. It just fits.

It turned into something bigger,

Somewhere in the haze got the sense I'd been betrayed,

Your finger on my hairpin trigger,

Everything is depending on this battle. If they can't defeat Azula, what will happen to the Fire Nation? Will the people now just be under a new, arguably stronger and more powerful tyrant?

Soldier down, on that icy ground,

Looked up at me with honor and truth,

Broken and blue, so I called off the troops,

But they never learn what would have happened, because their combined efforts defeat Azula.

That was the night I nearly lost you,

I really thought I'd lost you

But not before Zuko (or rather, Azula) gives Katara the fright of her life.

(the love and concern on her face is so heartbreakingly beautiful it makes me want to sob)

And now everything is fine! The bridge is over and the next verse is full of hope.

We can plant a memory garden,

Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair,

For the poppy part, I'd like to address a particular fan theory. In the final scene, Katara has a pink flower in her hair.

(I left the usernames on, but please lmk if anyone wants a different type of credit. screenshot taken from this post: x)

According to another source I found, this flower is a pink peony, which symbolizes prosperity and a happy marriage.

(flower analysis originally from this post: x)

I know that this is a peony, not a poppy, but close enough? Also, if it were a poppy, it would symbolize compassion and platonic love.

Either way, I think of this as a kind of goodbye from Zuko to Katara. No matter what the situation was at the end of the series, whether Zuko was in love with Katara, Katara was in love with Zuko, or they were in love with each other, "platonic love" and "happy marriage" were a goodbye. It's either wishing her the best with Aang, or saying they can only be friends because of Aang or because of duty, but that he loves her anyway. (oh look, I made myself cry) At least, I think that in canon context. But within the song, it's a peony and they're now engaged lol

Anyway, the verse continues.

There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair,

And we will never go back to that,

And then the chorus starts again, but it's tone is far more hopeful than before. The worst is behind them. The war is over.

Bloodshed, crimson clover,

Uh-uh, the worst was over,

My hand was the one you reached for,

All throughout the Great War,

Always remember, uh-uh,

We're burned for better,

I vowed I would always be yours,

'Cause we survived the Great War.

It's just so perfect! I love it! (psst, if anyone wants me to also analyze another "Zutara song" feel free to ask)

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Hi! I'd like to hear your opinion about this:

https://www.tumblr.com/burst-of-iridescent/742859432096120832/of-course-zuko-would-have-taken-the-lightning-for?source=share

Let's go through this piece by piece, because there's good, mixed, and bad points all mixed up with each other.

"Katara needed to be there"

100% true. After all, Nickelodeon doesn't want to traumatize the 7-year-olds by making them get attached to Zuko, see him redeem himself, be told he will be Fire Lord - only for the boy to die horribly. They absolutely needed a character to save him, and as the healer of the team Katara was the logical choice.

"Katara needed to be there for the SACRIFICE to make sense. Imagine if it was SOKKA there - ridiculous, right?"

Aaaand there is the bullshit. Sokka could not replace her on that moment because he is the person in the Gaang Zuko has the least meaningful connection with. But Aang and Toph? Either of them could have easily fit the role in a different circumstance and the only problem would be there was no one to come to the rescue when it was time to shout "MEDIC!"

"She has to heal the wound at the core of her character — the agony and helplessness of being unable to protect someone she loved from a firebender — by successfully saving another person she cares about from the narrative embodiment of fire nation aggression and destruction"

*casually ignores that she already did that for Aang in book 2, full on bringing him back from the dead*

"the agni kai isn’t zuko and [insert companion here] alone, it's ALSO about Azula"

The fuck you mean ALSO? The larger battle on that moment might be between Zuko + Katara against Azula, but the agni kai itself is between just the Fire Siblings. We literally hear Azula say "Just you and me, brother. The showdown that was always meant to be."

Much like the bit with Katara healing Zuko is about their dynamic, the main battle so to speak is about Zuko's dynamic with Azula. About them being siblings who ended up in opposing sides of a war after being life-long rivals because of their abusive father. Can we not treat this epic, meaningful, tragic moment that has been foreshadowed since the first episode of book 2 as an after-thought just for the sake of a ship? Especially since said ship will be thrown a bone moments later?

"Katara is the one person connected to both Zuko and Azula"

Katara has a connection with Zuko, yes, they are friends. And she has lots of parallels with Azula, enough that I can understand the claim that they are narrative foils.

But they have ZERO true meaningful connection. They never talked. They were never told anything that would make them think they have anything in common. Azula is just another dangerous foe to Katara, Katara is just another peasant that means nothing to Azula.

Parallels and one fight before it doesn't put that dynamic (or rather, the lack there of) on the same level of Zuko and Katara's enemies-to-friends dynamic, and it sure as fuck doesn't put it anywhere near the complex mess that is Zuko and Azula's relationship.

"Katara is the only one who touches his scar, and she and Zuko saw each other's darkest moments"

1 - Mai was nuzzling that scar all the time, in actual intimate personal moments. Katara touched it to try to heal it. A meaningful act of kindness, sure, but it's still just a doctor trying to help someone, not physical affection.

2 - She did NOT see Zuko's darkest moments, that was Iroh, she didn't even see the worst of him acting like a dick. As for Zuko, he encouraged Katara to embrace violence because that's what he was taught his entire life, and it led to her doing something she felt was fully against her true vallues and who she was as a person.

"The scene is easy to romanticize"

Yup, big dramatic moments tend to be like that. And if Zutarians weren't constantly insisting that is the ONLY valid interpretation of the scene, no one (except the typical "only canon/what the writers says is valid" people every fandom has) would complain about shippers watching the scene with romance goggles on.

[fanfic-lover-girl]

Christian Take on the Southern Raiders

As a Christian, I wanted to examine Katara's desire to pursue her mother's killer in the Southern Raiders episode. Especially the topic of forgiveness and justice.

Was Aang right about forgiveness?

Aang claims Katara has a second choice: forgiveness. Zuko claims forgiveness is the same as doing nothing. Aang responds:

"It's easy to do nothing. It's hard to forgive"

Aang is 100% right. Forgiveness is hard. Even when the slight is minor, forgiveness can be hard. Aang is also right about revenge. Revenge can poison someone beyond repair. Forgiveness is meant for the victim, not the perpetrator. As Christians, we can not be forgiven by God if we can't forgive others. In secular terms, forgiveness sets you free from the shackles to your tormentor. So as a friend, Aang is right for pointing this out as an option.

HOWEVER, how he goes about it is insulting and condescending. Comparing the death of Katara's mom to losing Appa temporality. I know Appa is one of his last links to his culture but Appa is an animal and comparing him to a mother is disrespectful! And comparing her to Jet. Another issue here is that Aang presents confrontation as mutually exclusive from forgiveness. At least initially. For me, I struggle to truly forgive unless I confront the person who hurt me first. He did validate her need to confront Yon Rha though when he confronted her and Zuko at night. So right idea but poor execution, Aang.

I think Aang may be a bit too demonized in this episode by Zu/Katara fans.

Justice vs revenge

So justice and revenge both involve addressing wrongs. However, Christians should not carry out revenge. We should leave punishment to God and the law. Justice is also tied to forgiveness. Any Christian who says that we should just forgive criminals and let them off the hook from the law is speaking nonsense. Shame on the Christian press who bashed Rachel Denhollander in her sexual assault case.

Zuko called Katara's desire justice. Aang called it revenge. Who's right?

What was Katara going to do?

What's interesting is that Katara does not explicitly specify what she will do when she confronts Yon Rha. Aang is the one who brought up seeking revenge. But even then no one outright says murder. Maybe because it's a kid's show or maybe Katara did not know herself. It's not until she goes for the kill that it is explicit that she wants to actually kill him. Although her wanting to kill him was heavily implied or could be inferred from the tone of the episode.

Is it revenge or justice to kill Yon Rha?

Technically, yes it is revenge. Justice is meant to be carried out by an impartial party (eg. the law) and/or someone with absolute higher power (God). It is an eye for an eye, but it is still revenge.

HOWEVER, Katara has no avenue for proper justice in the Avatar world! And Christianity does not exist in ATLA obviously lol.

ATLA has spirits but the spirits are indifferent to human problems. Tui and La or Agni will not avenge Katara like God promises to do for Christians.

There is a war going on and there is no law that will condemn Yon Rha. He was doing his duty as a fire nation soldier so he is not guilty under fire nation law. Katara could THEORETICALLY get justice by waiting for Zuko to be crowned and letting the new regime prosecute Yon Rha. But then it poses another problem! Zuko would be forced to prosecute who knows how many FN soldiers! Would all retired military leaders be sent to prison?? What if there was some super old guy who participated in the air nomad genocide and was on his deathbed, on the verge of croaking? Should he be carted off to jail?? And you can't (or shouldn't) lawfully prosecute someone for doing something that was not illegal at the time of the action.

If the WT captured him and held him accountable for murder under their law that could work.

Thankfully, Katara made what I believe to be the right choice for herself. Killing Yon Rha would not bring her mom back and probably would not bring her the closure she needed. There are things worse than death after all.

Even though Katara claimed she did not forgive Yon Rha, she did in a sense. By confronting him, she let go of his hold over her. She no longer fears him. She is able to move on and let go of her anger. She does not demand any payment from him by sparing his life because she sees him as a pathetic waste of space already. She found closure. The difference with her forgiveness of Zuko is that she chooses to put her animosity in the past and give him another chance. Reconcile with him. Unlike with Yon Rha. Not that there is anything to reconcile with him anyway...

[saby-chan]

Why the ATLA comics fail when it comes to Zuko and his family

To whom ever took their time to actually stop and read this post, thank you in advance for not skipping my post and willing to stay and read my humble opinion! I hope I won’t disappoint you!

As a relatively newcomer to the ATLA fanbase since 2020, I’ve come across a lot of interesting debates, comments and rants about the show, characters and fandom in general, but nothing has captivated me as much as the dumpster-on-fire that are the ATLA comics, more specifically: The Promise and The Search. 

On one hand we have the hardcore fans who want them to be animated or serialized into the Netflix live action, praising the comics for the new views and subject matters they’ve brought into the show’s lore, while on the other hand we have the furious Azula fandom who is really angry for the fact that best girl didn’t get the redemption arc she rightfully deserved so much after the painful event that was the Last Agni Kai and the even more angry fans of the Urzai ship (yeah, the people who actually ship Zuko’s parents unironically) who hated the retconning of the show’s cannon since the comics basically took a huge fat dump on what was previously established as official cannon, when the Search entered the scene, but between these two sides, who has the more valid point? In the end, are the comics good cannon or bad written fanfiction?

Well... Here are my two cents on this matter since I myself happen to be an Azula and Zuko fan and had huge expectations from these comics (since I wanted more from my fave hot-headed fiery siblings duo) but ended up disappointed: the comics are indeed a huge mess and actually bad written fanfiction when it comes to Zuko and his family! Don’t click off yet, because I actually documented the reasons why exactly the comics fail in this area:

1. The author of these comics is not part of the BryKe duo

Yes, I would like to start with the fact that if you actually take a second to look up who in the heck took the time to write these two books, you won’t find Bryan, nor Mike, but a fellow man named Gene Yang. This is important because while the wiki of both The Promise and The Search state BryKe as the creators, that doesn’t mean that they were the actual minds behind these comics, but rather because ATLA is their “baby” and these comics involve their characters, over which they have copyright. Mr. Yang here is the actual brain behind the plot, as the main writer, which explains why we find huuuuge inconsistencies between the show lore and the comics, especially Zuko wise.

My main issue with Mr. Yang isn’t that he isn’t BryKe specifically, but because he did an unforgivable mistake in his writing process: He projected himself into Zuko’s character, based on the relationship Zuko had with his father. This is a documented fact from an interview in which he explains that he sees himself and his dad’s relationship into Zuko and Ozai and used that when writing their interactions and built Zuko’s character in the comics. And this is wrong because when you have an already very developed and complex character such as Zuko, you can’t just come in and be like “Oh, I was an angsty teen just like him in my teenage years, fighting with my dad and whatnot, so he must have the same thought process as me!”. NO! This is bad fanfiction writer behavior! Zuko has his own personality and philosophy, which he developed over the course of 3 seasons and is not defined by only 1 unfortunate aspect of his past, so you can’t just base his whole mindset and actions off of your own personal experience just because you had the same daddy issues he had!

2. The whole “Promise that you will kill me if I turn out like my dad!” nonsense in The Promise

Reason number 2 why these comics fail and go under the category of “bad fanfiction” is because they fail to convey the core essence of the source material. The whole point of Zuko’s redemption was that he realized the wrongdoings of his ancestors and his own mistakes. He outgrew his desire of gaining his father’s acknowledgement in favor of choosing his own destiny. Having him worry that he’ll turn into his father is utter nonsense and feels like poor angsty drama material for the sake of angst. At this point in time, Zuko has overcame that obstacle in his life a long time ago and should be at the level where he himself is the “Uncle Iroh” for other people and in no way someone concerned of becoming their own worst enemy!

Not only that, but the whole point of Aang’s journey and the story of the show as a whole was to teach us, the viewers, the importance of forgiveness, empathy and love in life. Aang didn’t spare Ozai, aka “the ultimate evil” just to flex in front of his pals or because he is a “ 12 y/o vegan pacifist monk kid”, but because he knew that killing someone, no matter of what they did or wanted to do, wouldn’t restore balance into the Universe, on the contrary, him killing the villain would have meant perpetuating the “endless cycle of hate” that plagued the world. So having Aang promise to kill his best friend in case “they turned into an evil maniac like their dad” contradicts Aang’s whole character and it’s a nonsense that throws into the trash what we’ve learnt throughout the entire TV series.

3. Azula deserved (and was supposed) to have a redemption ark

This might still be pure speculation, but I count it as a documented reason because I’ve heard quite a few people saying that there should’ve been a book 4 in the show, aka “Book 4: Air”, and no, it wasn’t The Search, but actually Zuko and Azula’s journey as Zuko helps his younger sister heal her broken mind by being her very own “Uncle Iroh”. Sure, they prolly were going to end up looking for Ursa, but the journey should’ve ended with them actually being happy and a family again and not the bs we got in The Search where a still very unstable Azula runs away and becomes the “Next Joker”! The only problem is that M. Night had to pop up and curse the world with his movie, which forced BryKe to delay the project (and eventually abandoned it in favor of Korra).

All in all, either if BryKe had this preplanned or not, it made sense for Azula to get a redemption ark, she deserved it because she was just a broken 14 y/o child! If Katara’s mom’s murderer deserved to be forgiven, so did this poor child who had no fault for what happened to her since she had a dysfunctional family! What Gene Yang did in his poorly written fanfiction was to just antagonize a broken child, turning her into a monster for the sake of friggin angst!

4. The Search is the worst of the two, being flat af character wise

And finally, getting to the point that I personally find the most annoying about these comics: The Search. This one... This one is a mess on a hella lot many levels, and just to list a few: characters are flat as fudge, being either black as vanta black (like Ozai and Azula) or pure white like Gene’s Gary Stue OC, Mr Ikem (or how I like to call him, IKEA man) and his ‘victim’ rendition of Ursa, Azula gets to suffer more for no reason (see reason number 3 to why I find this as a no no), Ursa’s whole character sucks ass (man, I could write a whole thesis on why Yang’s version of her is terrible and doesn’t match the strong woman we got in the show) and Zuko does morally wrong stuff (my man literally used his unstable sister to bribe their dad into spitting info about Ursa... Show Zuko would never do that!;-;)

Oh boy, as a person who’s seen a ton of anime and other media and read many books, I can’t begin on how much I despise this type of writing: flat characters are the worst!

 ATLA characters in the show are nothing close to being flat! What I mean by that is that none of them fall perfectly into pure white (aka goodest of good characters with no imperfections) or vanta black (aka lowest and darkest twisted monsters out there), each of them are various shades of grey (like Aang who is a very light grey because despite being a very kind and nice character, he still isn’t a “perfect hero” since he ran away from his duties, practiced tax fraud with Toph, had insecurities and even threatened to kill people on ocassions like with the sand benders who took Appa) and this is a good choice because that prevents them from becoming what’s globally known as Mary Sues and Gary Stues (aka those either “perfect” characters with no flaws and/or unlimited power, or the twisted monsters full of flaws).

And the other reason why many other people hate The Search: it literally negates previously established cannon. And here comes my short essay on why this comic fails Zuko’s family (since we’ve already talked enough about Zuko himself).

In cannon and even interviews with BryKe, it was clearly stated that Zuko’s family was “once happy”. Where is this “once happy” family in The Search? All I see is pain, deception, lies and betrayal, nothing close to anything that resembles happiness. Okay, some of you might come in and say that “It’s because it was never the case! It was only lies and Zuko trying to convince himself that he didn’t live in hell forever!” and here is WHERE YOU WERE ALL WRONG! And why? Because, my dear fella, where were depicted the flashbacks of Zuko’s “happy family” in The Beach? Ember Island. And what do we know and had been even quoted in the show?  "Like waves washing away the footprints on the sand, Ember Island gives everyone a clean slate. Ember Island reveals the true you." (direct quote from the show). Exactly, no matter who you are or how hard you try, you can’t hide your true self when you are on the Ember Island, best example being Azula, who’s impenetrable though shell cracked and revealed the true vulnerable child that was underneath. If Azula couldn’t resist the “spell of the island”, no one can. So this means that Zuko’s family was indeed happy once and yes, Ozai wasn’t always the douchebag we got to know in Season 3 (I have a whole nother essay on my theories regarding what could be his real past story and why he’s actually the “Zuko” of his generation, based on stuff I gathered from old wiki entries and character analyses I made, but that’s for another time, lemme know if ya’ll are interested).

And what I guess is the biggest proof why The Search did this family’s past trash is comics Ursa herself. My dude, if this woman were indeed the victim of years of endless abuse and never loved her husband, I guarantee you that she would’ve been closer to what we saw in Todoroki’s mom from BNHA and Zuko would’ve gotten that scar or even worse long before the Agni Kai, not from his “daddy dearest”, but from “mommy dearest” herself, because no sane woman would be soo affectionate and attached to a child that’s the perfect copy of their abuser, sepecially appearance wise (again see Todoroki’s mom’s case from BNHA because the stories are really similar) and in no way would’ve she been willing to sacrifice her life for said child’s sake. With this ocassion, I remind ya’ll folks that according to the ancient ATLA cannon wikis on Nick’s site, Ozai was designed with Zuko’s appearance in mind, being meant to be like a “grown up scarless version” of Zuko. So yeah, remember this with a grain of salt that whenever you simp over grown up Zuko, you involuntary simp for Ozai too.

So yeah, I guess this kinda concludes my “not so short” rant about why the comics fail and are bad fanfiction. Lemme hear your thoughts in the comments and if you agree, feel free to leave a like and even reblog.

Bye bye and remember that Momo is the true strongest character of the show!

 Saby out.

[reineyday]

some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

[visit-ba-sing-se]

I recently saw a post by someone asking for a fanfiction in which Azula snapped a bit earlier after things turning out different on the day of Sozin`s comet...and I guess you could say I kind of snapped as well? (it starts after the events at the boiling rock, btw: this (+ more) is also on my ao3 now!

„I love Zuko more than I fear you.“ For a moment, I was struck. Unable to respond, to even process the words. I heard them, but they did not make sense. Then, suddenly everything fell into place. „No, you miscalculated. You should have feared me more.“ I sounded affected. I was affected. That’s weak, Azula. I saw May pulling out a knife and raised my hand the same time, ready to strike. She would not stand a chance. Not even the avatar had been able to take on my lightning. May wasn’t stupid. Of course she knew that. And when I looked her in the eyes I knew that she knew I knew. Suddenly, a part of did not want to throw any lightning at all. A part of me wanted to lower her hand and just let the knife hit her. Or tell may that we would not have to do this. That’s weak, Azula. I heard my fathers voice in my head again, this time with even more disgust. And do I have a weak daughter? Suddenly, I did not see May anymore. Just him, looking down and me, disappointed. There was nothing I would do to escape that look. I took a deep breath, ready to strike for real now. But before I could, I felt a sudden punch into my side. Then another. And before I knew it, I was lying on the ground, unable to move, Ty Lee and May standing above me. Again, it took a moment until my mind had pieced together what just had happened. Ty Lee had betrayed me as well.  May had chosen Zuko over me, and Ty Lee had chosen May over me.

My oldest friends from childhood. The girls I had grown up with. For a moment, they seemed frozen as well. Until Ty Lee broke the silence. Not because she had anything else left to tell me. Just to tell May to get away. Which was useless, of course. There were guards, all around, and they had just attacked their princess. Two quickly came to help me up.

„Your both fools.“ I wanted to sound like I did not care. Like I did not feel like the actual fool in this was me. What had I been expecting from this anyway?  I had had to set a fire in the circus Ty Lee was traveling with in order to get her to join me. And the way May had flung herself at Zuko since the day he had returned should have told me more than clearly where her loyalty lied. Where her loyalty had been lying all the time. With my oh so loveable brother. So when it was time to chose, the choice was clear. Just like for mom. Just like for uncle. Who would ever chose me? Who would ever take my hand if I would not be holding a knife in the other? Shut It down, Azula. You don’t need them. Friends are for people who are too weak to have servants. I took a deep breath in. Yes, I had made a mistake. I taken risks, and even worse, forgotten those risks existed. But I could make sure that would never happen again. And when one of the guards asked what to do next, I had my answer ready.

„Lock up them somewhere were I won’t have to see there faces ever again.“ My voice sounded firm again. A good sound. As I continued, I looked May straight in the eye. She had wanted fear? She could get it. „And let them rot.“

After they had been brought away, I saw the warden walking up to me. A pathetic excuse of a man, who had believed that the little power he possessed somehow made him greater than those around him. Just a big fish in a small pond who believed himself to be a shark. If he had done his job properly, none of this would have happened. I knew that this wasn’t the full truth, but definetly part of it. And I wanted him to know. When he started uttering something between an apology, an explanation and monologue of self pity, I therefore shut him down immediately. „I am sorry, but where you talking to me? Because all I hear is the sound of failure. Which is quite pathetic, honestly“  You should have feared me more, I had told May. Now I would give them a reason too. „Your actions lead to the escape of dangerous war criminals, not to mention a threat to my life. It was pure look your niece didn`t cut my throat.“ I paused, just to enjoy the sight of him twisting his hands in the desperate search for words. How many times had he been the one who made prisoners feel the way he felt now? The thought of this irony truly had something validating to it. „This not only gives you a record of failing at your job. This makes you man who endangered the fire nation and a member of its royal family. And that-“ I allowed myself one more dramatic break, „that is treason. And a man of your education should know what the penalty for treason is.“

He did not even have it in himself to give me an answer. Instead, he sunk down on his knees. I knew I could just kill him right away. One struck of lightning and he would be gone. Or make one of the guards do it. Just because I really started to enjoy this whole irony theme. But that would not be as effective as what I had in mind.

„But you are a lucky man warden,“ I said therefore. „A man should not have to die in the shame of his mistakes.“ Relieve started to build on his face, just to crumble again when I announced:

„So I am giving you away to restore your honor. Agni Kai.“

I felt good. I was in control again. I saw the way they all were looking at me, with fear and admiration balancing in their eyes. The way I deserved to be looked at. The way a future firelord deserved to be looked at.

The warden finally seemed to have found his voice again. „Excuse me princess, what do you mean? You can’t possibly mean….you can’t seriously want…“

„Don`t tell me what I can. In fact, you should be thanking me for this chance to prove yourself. Or are not even man enough to accept this challenge? Can you only duel someone when they are in chains?“

„No, of course not! I can fight! But princess, I could never fight you!“ Though his protest did have something entertaining to it, I decided that it was time to finally get to the point.

„I am afraid you will have too. 5 minutes. Then it is on.“

Just enough time to up up my hair again properly. A few streaks had fallen out, and that was nothing I could use while fighting.

The fight that followed wasn’t even worth the name. A turtle duck would have been a better opponent. Those things at least had shells. But surely it had served his cause. The people here now surely were reminded of where their loyalty had to lie. And who they had to admire. Time to return to the palace. Only that that was not possible. At least not directly, as I had to realize when we came to the spot where my ballon was supposed to be. Zuko. He and his gang of war prisoners must have used it to escape. This was bad. Sure, we could sent for another one. But questions would be asked. I usually never to father about the missions I went on, just in case. If they were successful, he did not ask further questions. If they weren’t, he would never have to know. But know he woudl. I would have to explain what happened. I would have to explain what happened to father. That Zuko got way because I let him. Just when I had thought things were back in control, it all came crumbling down again. Zuko, that idiot. A guard was along to me, but his words did not really get through. They were probably useless anyway. How was it even possible that Zuko had out played me ? He was Zuko, after all. Weak. A quitter. A runaway. He did not outplay you. You outplayed yourself by letting your emotions get in the way of your judgment.

„Princess, princess, are you even listening?“ That annoying guard still had something to say apparently.

„Oh shut it, will you?“ I screamed. „The next words I want to hear from you are `Princess Azula, your ballon has arrived.`if you dare to tell me anything else before that, I swear that the next person you can things to is someone from the spirit world.“ The guard opened his mouth, his eyes wide open, and then closed it again quickly. He nodded so fast and strong that his teeth were clicking together. Also not the most pleasing sound. I snapped my fingers and let a spark fly for emphasis. „And now get of my view.“ Silence, finally. Just the waves crashing against the shore. Waves above which somewhere my brother was flying with his new friends. This was all wrong. I should be on my way home, with him as prisoner. Eager to tell father of my success. And now instead, I would return a failure and did not know how I would be able to face him. He would be disappointed, that was for sure. This had been our once chance at catching Zuko, and I had blown it. Blown it because I had not had  my  own people under control. Still, he had to hear it from me. Every other scenario was even worse, I knew that.

Back at the place, I therefore sent for a servant and asked for a hearing directly. Luckily, it was granted to me soon. At least that was something. Fighting the argue to run back into the direction I had just come from, I made my way to the throne room, entered the heavy door and got close enough to my father to talk to him. There I knelt down.

„Azula, my daughter. What brings you here?“ His voice sounded so friendly. I felt my eyes water. Even though I knew that crying would be the worst thing possible to do. Instead, I therefore tried to sum up the events as well as possible, walking the small line between apology and not admitting failure. A silence followed, only interrupted by the beat of my heart. Father always took  time before he reached a verdict.

„It is unfortunate your brother got away. Especially since this could have been prevented so easily. Did I not teach you to never trust others?“ I nodded. He did. I would not know of any person he had ever trusted with anything. He even cut his own hair because any hairdresser could potentially want him harm. „But you did the right thing to challenge the warden. It gave proof that we will not tolerant weakness. And to not worry, the day of our triumph will come soon“

I did not know how to react. There were many things I had expected, possibilities that I had played out in my head.  This definitely had not been one of them.

All I could so was stutter.„You are not…angry with me?“

„No Azula. Now is not the time get upset about small mistakes. What counts now is the bigger picture. Our plans for the return of the comet.“

„So you don’t think I am just like Zuko now?“ I still did not trust this. What reason did he have to be so kind, so forgiving in face of my failure?

„Azula, of course not. I always knew you were stronger than your brother.“

„Yes father, Thank you.“

„You will be my heir one day. A worthy one.“

I still faced the ground. I knew I was supposed to feel relieved. This was a kinder response than anything I ever could have hoped for. But then I understood. He was showing mercy because I he had no more child left to loose. He needed my because he needed legacy. Someone to pass his empire onto. Someone to pass his empire onto who was not Zuko.

And suddenly I could not help but wonder „If I am stronger, then why am I the one on my knees?“

Later this night, I had trouble finding sleep. When I finally did, I dreamed of the Angi Kai between father and Zuko. Only that it was not down there, but me. And no matter what I did, I wasn’t able to produce any lighting. Or even fire. The audience cheered and applauded my failure. Some even started laughing. I could see Ty Lee and May pointing fingers and whispering. It must have been a long time since they had been this happy. DO I HAVE A WEAK DAUGHTER? My father entered the picture, a dark shadow towering above everything. DO I HAVE A CHILD THAT IS NOT EVEN ABLE TO BEND? Where was my fire? Why couldn’t I reach it? I KNOW YOU ARE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH. „But I am trying!“, I protest. I was trying so hard. I always was. YOU ARE LYING. IF YOU REALLY TRIED, YOU WOULD SUCCEED. But I didn’t. No flames, no matter what I did. And then I felt a sudden heat in my face and knew it was burning. I was burning. I screamed from pain and frustration, and then suddenly I was in my bed again, sitting up straight, shivering and sweating at the same time. I raised my hand and produced a small flame. Good. So my at least my fire was still there. Looking at it flicker helped my calm down a bit. It was like a pathway back to reality. Of course, there were times where I wondered what I would have done. Most of the time, I was convinced that I would never even have gotten into this situation. I would have know when to be quiet. Like I had always know what to do. I knew mom and uncle used to feel sorry for Zuko because of the way dad hat treated him. But that wasn`t really fair. If he had put in a bit more effort, he could have been like me. I worked every day of my life to get where I was now. Only- where exactly was I? I liked to think that was strong and powerful. But if I was, why did I have to kneel in fron of father with tears in his eyes? Why was I always at his mercy, no matter what I did ? Having to beg for admiration? What would be left of my life if he would not be there? What would be left of me? In a way, when Zuko talked back to father he had done something I never would have been able to do. But how could that be? I was the strong one. All he did was run. That was weak. But it was still more than I ever was capable of. I tried to dismiss the thought. It was nothing I even wanted to be capable of. Why would I? I had all reason to stay here. Here, where I would triumph over the avatar together with dad. Here, where I would one day be crowned next firelord. That was everything I wanted. „That is everything I want.“, I exclaimed to the flame that was still hovering over my hand.

The next days passed quickly in preparation of the day of the comet. I trained harder and longer than ever before, and I had one of the medics in the palace fix me a drink to help me sleep. I told myself that it was because I would need the energy. Not because I was scared of any dreams. I felt ready. I would finally prove myself once and for all.

But then, everything came different. I heard of it before it was official, once more happy about my ears all around the place. Someone had seen Zuko and that water girl trying to sneak up on the palace. Typical for him that he had not been able to remain unseen. Not typical for him that he seriously had been wanting to come here to fight. From what I heard, they had not been able to capture him yet. For a short moment I even felt something like respect. A really short  moment, of course. But before I even had time to analyze what this meant, I heard a knock on my door. To my greatest surprise, it was father. I could not recall any time he had ever come here himself instead of sending a servant.

„Azula,“ he said while doing something that came strangely close to smiling. „My wonderful daughter. I am sure you have heard the news.“

I nodded, overwhelmed. „Yes. Zuko is coming.“

„Zuko is about to be caught by our guard.“ The way he pronounced my brother name was dripping from disgust, his face turning into a twisted mask of hatred. “And I want him gone before I set for the earth kingdom, and he will be brought here as soon as possible.“

„But“ I blurted out, „Is the earth kingdom not more important? You are just wasting time on him.“ I knew it was a mistake, but I just could not hold back. „Azula, get yourself under control again. I decided what is a waste of time and what is not. This will be over soon anyway. Come with me now.“ I lowered my look and my voice. „Coming? To where?“ „To where I will end your brothers pathetic existence once and for all and you will be my witness. The throne room. You have 30 minutes.“ With those word, he left as quickly as he had come. Jut another order from him to me.

I went to the morrow and started fixing my hair, but stress continues to fall out. Not even that could work out. Why was I even trying? I did not want to do this. I did not want to go to the throne room and watch my father execute my brother. I did not want to sit by his side patiently like a trained dog. But then what did I want? I should want this. „I am sure you don`t want to hurt your brother Azula.“ The echo of what my mom had said to me a long time ago suddenly come up in my head, and I believed to see here face behind me in the mirror. She used to say that a lot, when Zuko and I had been fighting, just kids starting to get a hold of their bending. „Well, what do you know? You think I am monster anyway.“ I looked her reflection straight in the eye. „ I know you are confused and hurt. But it does not have to be this way. And I love you, Azula.“

„Liar“ I screamed, punching the mirror. Her image scatter to hundreds of tine pieces, each as sharp as a razor blade. I felt a tear running down my cheek as I saw the scrambled reflection of myself on the floor. Yes, I was hurt. And yes, I did not have to be this way. I picked up one of the fragments. It felt cold and heavy in my hand. Today, a member of tis family would die. But it would not be my brother.

When I arrived at the throne room, punctual and a perfect picture of a fire princess, I found it empty except for dad who had already taken place on the throne. „This is family business, so I decided it would be most fitting if we were to remain amongst each other.“ Now where I looked the way he wanted me to look again, it seemed like I also again was worthy of being spoke to in a normal tone. I nodded and closed the door behind me. „I will end your brother right here, where he had the nerve to disrespect me during the day of the black sun.“ I heard my speak, but the words did not really reach me. My heart was beating out of control. This was my chance. My one moment to strike before the guards would come to bring in Zuko. My hand was twisted around the fragment. „Then, it will only be us, Azula. The only ones truly worthy to lead this nation. The only once who deserve to be part of this family.“ Of course. It was up to him to decided who was worthy and who was not. That was what he was best at. Determining everyone`s worth just how he liked. Determining my worth. But no more. I arrived at the spot I normally would kneel. I lowered my head, but not to bow. But to get a better aim.

The fragment flew through the air, directly into my father’s heart. A quite simple move. May had thaught it to me long time ago, in what now felt like another life. And I had not stopped training until I had brought it to perfection. Deadly perfection. My father had not gotten the chance to scream. Now he looked down on himself in disbelieve. Then at me. And then, with blood running out of his mouth and the light in his eyes already fading, I saw that he understood. „Foolish girl.“ His voice was quiet, his life was ending, and still his words struck me. „Don`t you know you only are because of me? You just killed yourself, too.“ Then, his head fell to side. He was dead.

Was I not supposed to feel free now? Or triumphant? Or just anything at all?  Then why did I just feel nothing at all? Still, now, what next? I knew that I had had a plan. All I had to do was breath and follow t through.  I would get May and Ty Lee, and then we would get out of here.

Foolish. As if anything could ever go back to how it was. Do you think they would even care to look at  you? The voice in my head. Why wasn’t it gone? Father was dead. Why was he still talking to me. „Yes they would,“ I exclaimed loudly. „They are my friends. They love me“ Your friends who betrayed you and tried to get you killed? Doesn’t really sound like much love to me. „Then I will make them love me again!“ I felt despair building up, replacing the emptiness. The same way you’d them love you the first time? With a knife to the throat? People like us are not loved Azula, we are feared. I thought I taught you this. I screamed. Even in death, he still seemed to rule over me. Blue fire streamed out of my palms and set the room on fire. I saw the flames rising. I looked so majestic. My beautiful fire, the only thing that had never betrayed me. My beautiful flames. My loyal friends. A part of me wanted to give myself into the completely. Wanted to stay here and be devoured by their heat. What else was there left for me anyway? Everything was out of control. And I was all alone, except for father and his voice inside my head. Mom. Iroh. Zuko. May. Ty Lee. They had all left me. What difference would my death still make?. Would anybody out there even care? They did not leave Azula. You made them go. And they would care. Because they would be relieved. Dying seemed so easy. Every other breath felt hard. If I would die now, did I really just kill father? Or did father also kill me? Suddenly, I felt a new kind of determination in me „You are not going to take me with you father, you hear that ?“ Tears flooded my cheek just to be vaporized in the heat. „I am leaving this. I am leaving you.“ The flames cracked. It nearly sounded like laughter. Just now I realized how far they had processed already. A blue sea  all around me. A blue sea that was out of control. Smoke already clouded my sight. Now as I finally knew I had to get out, as I had just decided to leave father and this place behind, it would not let me go. I could not even make out the door. Just clouds of smoke and flames. And in them… people? Right in front of me, the scheme of a woman manifested. Others followed, surrounding me. Some seemed to be children, others elders. „We came to take you, Azula.“ They came from everywhere now, constantly getting closer. I tried to bend the fire against them, but the flames left them completely unaffected. This wasn’t real. It could not be. I was hallucinating from the smoke, that was all. One more reason to get out of here. „You can’t escape now, Azula. We have been waiting for you for so long.“ I wanted to cover my ears with my hand, but that meant that I would have to let go of the flames I was still trying to get under control well enough to get out. „Who are you? What do you want from me?“ „Oh Azula, you know us well. Can you not recognize us ?“ The woman who had been leading them reached out for me. I backed away and screamed, even though I could barely even fill my lungs anymore. „No! No I do not know you!“ She reached out again. They were everywhere around me now. The only way to escape her touch was to the ground. „But you should, Azula. They are all those who you killed.“  Suddenly, here face got clear, and she wasn’t a scheme anymore. „And a child should be able to recognize her mother“. It was her. The same kind and beautiful face. The soft voice. But no in the strict tone that always seemed to be reserved for me. It was her nice tone. Her Zuko tone. Even though she was speaking about awful things. But what even did she mean ? I did not kill her. Or did I ? Nothing made sense anymore. I killed my father. Why would not I be capable to kill my own mother as well? „Mom“, I whispered, my voice nothing more than a dying hush. She knelt down and reached out her hand. „Come on child. It is time to go.“ My heart was racing. In my lungs, there was nothing but pain. I wanted to let her take me away, just for all of this to stop. But even more, I just wanted to hold my mothers hand again. So I gathered al strength I still had in me and reached out to her. But just as I was about to touch her fingertips, she suddenly started to fade, just like everything around her. Even the flames seemed to get smaller. And another scheme stepped out of the dust and into my view. „Azula?“, he asked. A familiar voice. Zuko. What was he doing here? I didn’t kill him. Or did I ? I sounded like he was getting closer, but I could not keep my eyes open for long enough to watch him. The darkness felt good, calming. „Azula!“ This time he screamed. It definitely was his voice. Could the dead really scream like that? „Azula! Spirits, Azula, what did you do?“

Yes, what did I do? If only I knew.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Ten Sides (Part 21)

It takes more time than Azula had anticipated, to sink back into palace life. To go from being treated like an object to being treated with the respect and dignity she deserves and then some. Granted, it feels incredibly nice. And, by Agni, does it help remind her of exactly who she is.

She lies face down with her cheek resting upon her arms as one of her servants rubs firm circles upon her back and between her shoulder blades. She gives a soft hum of contentment. After so long of sleeping on plain, solid ground, it is divine to have the knots and tension worked out of her back.

She closes her eyes. She can better feel the hum of her chi, she thinks that they have massaged away any remaining blockage. Powerful. She feels powerful. Inexplicably so, refreshingly so.

She cracks an eye open when she hears footsteps growing nearer. She is relieved to see that it is only another servant with a gently steaming towel to drape over her back. She exhales, it is soothing. It is so sublime to be pampered and spoiled again.

Sublime and dreamlike, as though she will wake up at any moment and find herself strapped down. Strapped down and coming off of a particularly strong wave of spirit tampering, a wave that had induced a reality of her own. Her stomach grows queasy and she hastily forces that thought aside; she is home. This is real. It has to be, sensations wouldn’t be so potent and euphoric if it weren’t real.

Days slip by as she basks in comforts and luxuries to the point where she is beginning to berate herself for letting herself get lazy. But she has been so deprived for so long and she has pushed herself so dreadfully hard. She thinks that she can afford herself at least a small period of doing nothing tedious and profound.

She absently plucks a grape from the bowl that has just been presented to her. She frowns. “What is this?”

The serving girl flinches. “They’re the grapes you asked for.”

Azula shakes her head. “I have requested black grapes, these are red. The black grapes are sweeter.” They are also smaller. “I also asked that they would be served to me in the gold bowl with the dragon engravings.”

“Sorry, princess.”

She is being picky and difficult and she knows it. And Aang lets her get away with it. He watches her from the corner with a sort of sad disappointment in his eyes. She knows just as well that she should stop, but now that she has absolute control once more it is reassuring to milk it for all that it is worth.

It is refreshing to be giving the demands again. To have every little thing, every single detail exactly to her liking. To have her every choice, not only go unquestioned, but meticulously catered to.

Even still, she doesn’t want to be unbearably unpleasant. She almost wishes that someone would stop her. That one of the serving girls would finally snap and tell her to take what they give her.

The serving girl leaves and returns with the correct grapes and bowl. Aang frowns in disapproval across the room. She feels a nagging need to justify why she is being so captious.

.oOo.

Watching Azula slip back into old habits is as disheartening as it is reassuring. On one hand, she has more or less recovered from Sangyul’s manipulations, on the other she has grown callous and hard to talk to. He feels guilty for missing the more timid version of her. The Azula who had been brave enough to be weak.

Mostly he finds himself mourning a hope that she would make an attempt to get along with Zuko. On better days she ignores him entirely. On worse days she slings accusations--insists that he had purposely and knowingly let her fall into hands that mistreated her. On the worst days, she would back him into a corner until he finally had enough and lashed out with fire. They would go at it until the palace guards pried them apart.

“She’s ungrateful and unbearable.” Zuko declares as he moves to stand next to Aang.

“She’s hurt, Zuko.” Aang insists.

“Lots of people are hurt. They aren’t like that.” He gestures to Azula who is laying out several more nit-picky instructions for her serving girls.

“Have you apologized?”

“Apologized? For what?”

“For leaving her at that place. You don’t know what it was like there.” He pauses. “I don’t think that she knows how to handle it.”

“She can stage a coup and plot her way through an invasion, and you’re trying to tell me that she doesn’t know how to handle…”

“Complex social situations, vulnerability, her own emotions, and months of manipulation.” Aang cuts in, “yeah, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. “Figuring out who you are is a lot different than war strategies.”  He pauses. “She doesn’t exactly seem like the kind of person who has thought too deeply about emotions.”

Zuko sighs. For a moment Aang thinks that he is going to take things with a more open mind. Instead he seems to backtrack in his own mind. “She has spent years manipulating people, maybe  she should know what that’s like.”

“I think that she does. I think that she did before Sangyul.”

Zuko frowns. “Father?”

Aang nods. “She implied it whether she meant to or not.”

“She still doesn’t get to go around treating people like that,” he gestures to the serving girls. “And she doesn’t get to start pushing me around again.”

“I have a feeling that she just wants an apology.”

“So do I.” He scowls.

“Great. Someone has to take the first step.”

“It isn’t going to be me.”

Aang exhales as Zuko storms off, fists balled, and footsteps heavy. He has never met such a stubborn and prideful family.

.oOo.

There is a silence left in the wake of the servants. She has finally pushed too far. The youngest of them had burst into tears--the product of nearly a week of being scolded over trivial errors.

She hadn’t expected them to actually openly glower at her. She hadn’t expected them to toss her laundry to the floor and walk out, with the crying girl coddled away from her. She hadn’t expected it so it comes like a slap to the face. Perhaps the one she had been looking for. She tries to pick up the clothing herself but she can’t seem to fold it in the same way that they usually do--it is simply something to distract her anyways.

Distract her from that feeling guilt and the concrete proof that she had grossly over compensated for the agency that she had formerly lacked.

She isn’t surprised to see Lo and Li, they always come to her when the servants tattle. “Why have you made Yusa cry?” She isn’t sure which of them has spoken.

Azula folds her arms, she doesn’t want to talk about this with them. “She wasn’t doing what I asked. I only let her know that…” over and over again. “...there’s nothing wrong with wanting things done well and right.”

“There is if you leave your serving girls in tears.” The other speaks.

She should offer them a rebuttal but even she knows that her demands have become ridiculous, a way to push bounds and authority. “You are dismissed, have a nice  night.” She says curly instead.

“Azula!” They both explained.

“Good night.” She repeats. “I’ll send for you if I need your counsel.”

Aang enters as they retreat. Azula sighes. “Let me guess, you’re here to lecture me about the serving girl as well.”

“Not a lecture.” He makes himself comfortable on her bed. “I was just hoping  that you can tell me why. You’ve been...really nice to talk to before you came home.”

She stares blankly at him. She has shed her armor more than enough for him already. Apparently enough for him to take stabs in the dark and successfully strike targets, “it’s comforting to be in control again, isn’t it? To have everyone following your orders exactly how you want them.”

She remains quiet.

“You don’t have to do that, Azula.”

It is growing harder to maintain nonchalance.

“They know that you’re in charge. Do you?”

Azula swallows, that is precisely the problem. “It is nice to have reminders.”

“You’ve had enough of those, don’t you think?”

She rubs her hands over her face. Even now Sangyul has some degree of control. It comes out in the form of insecurity, a pressing need for constant validation and reassurances. She suppose that she has always been plagued with it. If not Sangyul it would have been father and if not father she would have found someone.

“You can give yourself reminders.” Aang presses. “You know who you are. You know your worth. I know your worth.” He touches a hand to her cheek.

Her tummy flutters. “I should, yes.”

“Do you?”

She thinks for a moment. “I suppose that I have acquired enough proof.”

Aang nods, “and are you feeling…” he considers his words. “Strong and brave?”

She is feeling quite so. She gives a nod of her own.

“Good, because you owe her an apology.”

“That is beneath me.”

“I don’t think that anyone is going to think less of you for being a good person.”

“They will think that I can be pushed around…”

“They’ll stop thinking that you’re unreasonable and cruel.”

They’ll stop seeing her as a monster. She doesn’t want to be seen as a monster…

“I’ll come with you.” Aang offers.

She doesn’t agree to it but she lets the man take her hand and lead her to the servants’ quarters.

[shallanspren]

HI HI!!! can you please elaborate on your post about how both katara and zuko are the yang to aang's yin because you're right and you should say it. if you don't have the time or don't want to that's perfectly fine too, thank you so much for acknowledging this message! have a nice day!! :)

yes, YES i can. this is the post in question btw.

aang is push. katara and zuko are pull.

let’s start with aang and zuko.

iroh has, at the start of the series, spent three years laying the ground work for zuko’s redemption. but it isn’t until aang’s awakening that zuko’s redemptive arc takes on a more active role. the more interactions he has with aang, the more we see zuko’s humanity, his empathy, and his desire to do what’s right. aang pushes zuko to be better in a way that iroh (or katara or anyone else) simply could not. aang’s influence also pushes zuko to get more creative with how he handles things (helloooo blue spirit). it is because of aang that zuko beings to properly question everything he was raised to believe, and aang is the key to zuko’s redemption.

zuko in turn, is pulling aang. the most obvious way is how he pulls aang into the 100 years war. it is not until aang has an interaction with zuko, that aang is forced to actually accept that yes, he’s woken up 100 years later, and yes, there is a war going on that he has no choice but to get involved in. zuko’s presence throughout book one is a constant reminder to aang that he can’t avoid his problems or his fears any more. zuko pulls aang back around to face things like he’s never had to before.

their first team up in the blue spirit shows us this in a more physical sense. zuko is quite literally pulling aang along in several key moments. aang is pushing their escape by means of airbending and seemingly nonsense but actually brilliant means of escape. their chat at the end only solidifies this. aang pushes zuko to think hard about what he’s done with “do you think we could’ve been friends?” allowing zuko to take some of aang with him when they part ways.

when zuko joins the team in book 3, zuko is taking and taking, pulling from aang because finally zuko is in a healthy environment. aang pushes zuko to open up more in ways we’ve never seen him do in previous episodes. zuko takes and pulls, but he does that because aang is 100% ok with that. aang has to push first before zuko can take.

aang and katara have a much less antagonistic relationship to be sure, but the push and pull dynamic is still very much at play here. it’s just more subtle.

aang pushes katara to remember her age first off. “you still are a kid!” he shouts at her. this is something that not even katara’s father, brother, or grandmother have allowed her to remember. katara hasn’t been able to think of herself as a kid since she was eight years old, and then along comes a kid who asks her to go penguin sledding and convinces her to explore an abandoned fire navy ship. she can be the stupid and reckless kid she’s not allowed herself to be in literal years. this is a dynamic that stays throughout the entire series.

katara, like zuko, also pulls aang into the war. but she does it with a much more gentle approach. she keeps aang on track, gently pulling him along and reminding him of his goals and what needs to be done. she’s the one who brings up the order of the elements aang has to master, and she’s his first instructor. it’s not a coincidence that the first move she teaches him, and the first one he masters is a very obvious push and pull move, it is symbolic of their relationship.

it’s also katara who is constantly pulling aang back from the brink. first in the southern air temple, then again in the avatar state by way of her explaining that learning to master the avatar state just to beat the fire lord is not the right way to do it. the avatar state is scary and dangerous, and she’s right to point that out. it’s not something to be triggered so casually. she pulls him back from the brink the the desert too, when aang’s fury could’ve been disastrous. only she could’ve done that.

aang also pushes katara to believe in herself and her abilities by constantly validating her feelings. he never makes her feel bad for her outbursts, he forgives her without reservation and never holds any of that against her. he pushes her to her ambitions and stands by her when she’s got to fight her own battles (sometimes literally, pakku what’s good?), even occasionally joining her for a spot of eco terrorism because he believes in her that much. aang is likely the first healthy relationship katara has ever had. because both hakoda and gran gran letting an eight year old katara take on adult responsibilities and forget her childhood was not good for her, and that unhealthy environment clearly put a strain on her relationship with sokka. it isn’t until aang pushes her out of her comfort zone and takes her on this journey that she begins to heal.

the southern raiders is the pinnacle of all this. katara is furious. she want’s revenge, zuko thinks she needs that to heal. after all, the fire nation seems to have no qualms with it, why would he know any better. aang is firm, “let your anger out, and then let it go.” revenge is not the answer, he knows because he’s gone down that road with the sandbenders (however brief). aang’s words push both zuko and katara to think of a different way of looking at things. which is why zuko asks what aang plans to do when facing ozai. if aang doesn’t plan on killing ozai, then he must have some other plan, right? that question in turn pulls aang back to reality a little bit, because this is the first time he’s actually had to consider that killing might be his only option. katara’s statement that she can’t and won’t ever forgive the man who killed her mother, gives aang something new to think about too: you don’t have to forgive someone in order to heal or find peace within yourself. maybe he has to, but it’s not a one size fits all solution.

i would also like to add that the southern raiders is the blueprint for both aang’s final battle and the final agni kai, but that’s a different write up for a different day.

i could say more, but this shit is already long lmao. i tend to ramble. thanks for reminding me i still needed to elaborate! and both sokka and toph act as pulls to aang’s push too, but my thoughts on why that is are not as fully formed. aang, katara, and zuko are my favorites, so i think about them more.

[ambidextrousarcher]

Arjuna- Fortune’s favorite child?

@an-oranophobic-maniac, this post is dedicated to our mutual Karna fan.

Recently, I read Arjuna by Anuja Chandramouli, which was a good book, but one aspect of the book bothered me. Then, I had the misfortune to stumble upon StarBharat’s eulogy of Karna. This is me giving vent to my frustrations that arose from these, apologies if I offend anyone.

Also, if I am wrong about any citation, you are welcome to correct me from equally authentic sources (My source is Ramesh Menon’s rendition of the KMG, and a little bit of the Bori CE)

Let’s come to the part that bothered me, shall we? The author Anuja called Arjuna Fortune’s favorite, while Karna was supposed to have a star-crossed destiny. As for StarBharat, Karna was outright a good character, even protesting against the Varnavrat scheme.

Warning: Long post under the cut.

First things first: Is Arjuna actually Fortune’s favorite, and Karna a victim of destiny? I don’t think so, and here’s why:

Yes, Kunti abandoned Karna is a baby. She gets a lot of flak for that, and even I hated her for the same, but then I read the Mahabharata. 

Kunti was a child (11-13 years of age) when Durvasa blessed her with the infamous boon and when she called Surya using the same. He came to her, and stipulated that he will give her a child. Kunti, scared, begged him not to, for she was an unmarried virgin and she had called him out of nothing but childish curiosity. Surya does not budge. He tells her that if he leaves without doing what he was called for, childish curiosity or not, he will be ridiculed amongst the Gods. Kunti, seeing no way out of it, agrees on the condition that the child gets divine protection. Basically, he rapes her.

That’s right, Kunti is the reason that Karna has his famed Kavacha and Kundala!

Kunti casts Karna on a river, and Adiratha and his wife find him, and give him a loving family. Unlike popular perception, Sutas were not low caste. In fact, they were pretty high caste. Proof: Virata’s Queen is a Suta, Plus, Adiratha was indirectly connected to Anga’s royal family. (Check out Sacredtexts.com)

So, anyway. Karna gets a wealthy family (Adiratha was Dhritarashtra’s friend to boot), and a loving upbringing.

Meanwhile, Kunti has her swayamvar, and marries Pandu. He marries Madri, gets cursed by the Deer Rishis, and leaves for exile. It is in exile that the Pandavas are born. By the time Arjuna is born, Karna is 18 (He’s 16 years older than Yudhisthir). The Pandavas have a childhood in the forest, as opposed to Karna’s earlier years, and then Pandu dies.

Madri does Sati with him, so Kunti is left a single mother with five young children, who she brings to Hastinapur. The Pandava/Kaurava rivalry starts pretty quickly, with Bheema as the bully of the bunch. The Kauravas are quick to retaliate, poisoning Bheema. He does return, but that was the childhood that Arjuna (and his brothers) had. Surrounded by hate rather than love.

Then the princes meet Dronacharya, and it’s time for their gurukul shiksha. Karna is also a student of Drona. It is mentioned clearly in the Mahabharata, along with the fact that he’s Duryodhana’s friend. Arjuna outshines everybody, becoming an Athirathi in the gurukul itself, also becoming the Guru’s favorite through sheer determination. He alone saves Drona from the crocodile, something even Drona’s beloved Ashwathamma is hesitant to do. Karna is envious of him.

Here we come to the infamous Ekalavya incident, one that is used to blacken Arjuna’s character often. Yes, Arjuna was irritated, but it was that of a child who is promised something he did not get. He did not ask for Ekalavya to be mutilated, that was Drona’s own decision. Arjuna’s feeling here is that of the hurt honor student asking his teacher if he is no longer the best.

For example, I myself have felt jealous of other students who were compared to me, but that doesn’t mean I want them dead and gone! So it probably was with Arjuna.

When their shiksha is finished, the royal princes exhibit their skills. Here, Arjuna shines...until Karna enters the fray, and replicates Arjuna’s feats. Duryodhana is very pleased and welcomes Karna as a friend, who goes on to challenge Arjuna to a duel.

I have a question here: If a grown man challenges a child just out of school for a duel, is it a matter of pride and prestige for the man? I find it laughable that Karna is lauded for replicating the feats of a boy less than half his age, and that many people think he is the greatest based simply on this. For this is indeed the situation here. Yudhisthir is 18, which makes Arjuna 16 and Karna 36. 

Arjuna is ready to duel Karna nonetheless, but then Drona and Kripa step in, asking Karna of his lineage. Here, it is Bheema and not Arjuna who insults Karna as a Sutaputra. (The title itself is not the insult, but Bheema’s intent surely is.) 

By the end of it, Karna is the King of Anga. For the rest of his life, he lives in palaces. Karna is also a student of Parashurama, and is cursed by him for lying about his identity. (Don’t give the thing about Parashurama and Brahmin students only. He taught Bhishma, who was Kshatriya). Oh, and did I mention that Drona did not teach him the Brahmastra not because of his suta status but because he was not worthy? Arjuna had to go through a test before he learnt the same.

Now, it is time for Drona’s Guru Dakshina. He asks his students to capture Draupada. The Kauravas and Karna together fail. Arjuna and Bhima alone succeed, with Arjuna defeating Draupada single-handedly. Arjuna is the person to give his Guru Dakshina, no one else.

Sometime later, Yudhishthir is crowned Crown Prince. What do the Dushtha Chautyam do? (In the Mahabharata, in the Vyasa’s own words, Shakuni, Duryodhana, Dushassana and Karna form the Evil Four.) They plan the Varnavrat fiasco. Karna is an avid part of the nefarious plan, and also of the previous tries to kill the Pandavas, especially Arjuna and Bheema.

Arjuna, on the other hand, does not even think of Karna after the almost-duel.

The Pandavas escape Varnavrat, and go into the forest as Brahmins. They live on alms. (Oh, Arjuna too. The guy who is ostensibly Fortune’s favorite was living as a mendicant, while the guy who is ostensibly with a star-crossed destiny was living it up in Hastinapur. You were saying?) Arjuna wins Draupadi’s swayamvar where she does not insult Karna according to the Critical edition. KMG says she did then goes on to contradict itself. So basically, Arjuna proved himself as a better archer than Karna, the permanent blower of trumpets.

The Pandavas return to Hastinapur, and beget Khandavprastha. Cue Khandavdahan. Arjuna (without Gandiva) and Krishna defeat almost all Gods. I think Arjuna defeats Indra in single combat. Not sure. but Arjuna and Krishna together defeat almost all Gods, please Agni and Arjuna gets Gandiva.

(Point to be noted: Arjuna gets Gandiva through hard work. It is not an advantage he was born with).

The Pandavas build Indraprastha. Arjuna conquers the North and returns as Dhananjaya (bringer of wealth). He is already Savyasachi (ambidextrous) in his gurukul days I think.

Somewhere during this time, Arjuna interrupts Draupadi and Yudhisthir to get Gandiva so that he can help a poor Brahmin, and is exiled for 12 years. During these years, he is kidnapped by Ulupi (I count it rape by coercion. He had no choice here.), and abducted Subhadra. (We do not have Subhadra’s own views on this, but it was supported by Krishna, and Arjuna and Subhadra seem to have a good relationship along with Draupadi too.)

Indraprastha prospers.

 Dushtha Chautyam get jealous and get Yudhisthir to play dice, whereupon he loses his Kingdom, his brothers, himself and finally his wife.

This is when Cheerharan occurs. Even though Arjuna and Bheema are slaves and cannot defend Draupadi, Bheema tries to physically (he is stopped by Arjuna who realizes that they cannot afford to break their unity, for then they are lost. Here is the only character flaw of Arjuna I have seen. His excessive obedience to his eldest brother.) Arjuna himself also rises a question on the validity of the stake, for Yudhisthir had already lost himself.

Karna, the beacon of morality, calls Draupadi a whore and initiates the disrobing. Fortunately, she is saved by Krishna.

This is where Arjuna starts hating Karna, as opposed to Karna himself who has hated Arjuna from the beginning, just because he was better.

So, the Pandavas leave for exile. (Side note: Arjuna spent nearly 26 years in exile.) Here, Arjuna does tapasya and manages to please the Gods, especially Shiva. (Becoming Gudakesha, the man who won over sleep on the way.) He ascends to heaven. Not because he is Indra’s son, but because he won the Gods over with his austerities. Even in Heaven, the Gods ask his help in defeating demons. Arjuna defeats the demons even the Gods couldn’t and learns celestial weapons, music and dance. According to the KMG, he is cursed by Urvashi during this time, but Critical Edition has removed it. Before Arjuna’s tapasaya, Karna and Duryodhana organize a Ghoshayatra to humiliate the Pandavas and Duryodhana ends up a prisoner of the Gandharvas. His friend, Karna, runs away to save his own skin, leaving Bheema and Arjuna to come to the rescue.

The Pandavas start Agyatvasa. Arjuna, the best warrior in the world, is disguised as an eunuch. (Yeah, he’s so fortune’s favorite). At the end of Agyatvasa, he defeat the entire Kuru army which includes Drona, Bhishma and Karna single-handedly. Did I mention Karna runs away once more?

Now, the Pandavas and Kauravas start preparing for war. Arjuna and Duryodhana arrive at Dwarka at the same time, Arjuna leaving with Krishna and Duryodhana with Krishna’s army.

Kurukshetra begins. Before the war begins, Indra asks for Karna’s Kavacha Kundala, which Karna, the Danveer, exchanges for the Vasavi Sakthi, so that he can kill Arjuna. (It is also documented that Karna starts doing Daan for one reason. So that he gets enough punya to kill Arjuna.) Indra does so to eliminate Karna’s unfair advantage (it was inborn, not hard-won.)

Arjuna’s son is killed by 6 men at once, while they distracted Arjuna himself with an army of suicidal killers, which he again, defeated single-handedly.

Karna, however, cannot defend his own son when Arjuna kills him in single combat in front of his father. Finally, the Arjuna-Karna showdown begins. Arjuna injures Karna badly. Karna is struggling to stand when his chariot sinks in the mud. He asks Arjuna to desist, citing rules of war. (Really? Where did the rules of war go when a chariotless Arjuna was attacked during the 14th day? When Abhimanyu was killed?) Still, Arjuna does, until Krishna reminds him of the insult to Draupadi at which he fires the Anjalika astra, killing Karna. Who, by the way, was armed. Many, many warriors, including Arjuna, have fought on on foot in the War. Why did Karna not do so? That decision was Karna’s alone, it is not Arjuna’s.

All his life, it was Arjuna who had an elder brother who did not give two hoots about his individuality (thanks, @ambitiousandcunning!), a brother who was envious of him and who called the man who gave Krishna and Shiva the credit for all his victories along with Yudhisthir himself as arrogant when he fell down from grief, not Karna, who had a good friend and a loving family.

At the end, I just want to say that there are ample examples of Karna’s less than exemplary conduct, both as a man and a warrior. There are also examples of Karna being luckier than basically all the Pandavas. Equally, there are examples of why Arjuna was not Fortune’s Favorite, and also of Arjuna as a peerless warrior, one who even Shiva called his equal.     

[shitsuji-hcs]

What is going to happen with our number 1 minor character Elizabeth? What about Prince Soma, will he get revenge? No one is asking about the servants, but what do you think they will do now that they know of Sebastian’s true nature and how their “young master” has been lying to them for years? Sebastian is always saying something about his and O!Ciel’s contract being complete when lies become the truth, is the contract now breached since R!Ciel returned or will Sebastian never get O!Ciel’s soul?

Sen: There is so much to unpack here - like legit, Eden just came back from his family and we sat down for a while talking about this. Anyways, long post so it’s put under cut. Once again I only have the hard copy of the manga so I’m unable to actually post anything but fan translations.

Elizabeth: After all the effort O.Ciel spent trying to find her, surely we’ll get her back soon (she says hopefully knowing that Toboso is stalling). Yet, I still believe that she’ll try to remain neutral or side with O.Ciel. Though she does say “I cannot return to that side”, there’s still the case of where her heart lies. 

You can’t really call what she had for R.Ciel before ‘romantic’ love, since they were only children. Familial, most likely yes. But she’s spent all this time close to O.Ciel, having been through significantly more attachment to him. Yet, she’s still the to-be wife of the queen’s watchdog. She may just go to whoever does end up as the guard dog… but her feelings for either definitely won’t be the same. Right now, her biggest choice is whether or not she’ll sacrifice her own happiness again for either of the twins - it’s happened all throughout her life. Elizabeth has had everything decided for her because she wants to be the wife her husband needs, but now it’s her chance to figure out who she is as a person.

In terms of death? I don’t think UT will actually let her die. I mean, she still is a Phantomhive and he isn’t about to “lose another Phantomhive.” Of course, given that he had more relations to Vincent, I’d assume that if anything were to happen and choices had to be made, he would choose the twins over Elizabeth. Nobody else poses a greater threat to her right now than UT and R.Ciel, and R.Ciel seems like he’d be incapable of killing her. Then again, maybe he got buffed like Johann Agares did when he became a B.D, +10 damage, huh?

Soma: I had some discussion with @abybweisse about Soma recently and neither of us have the brightest future in mind for him. Right now, he still hasn’t moved past his “selfish” younger self. He’s had little character development - though he announces his wish to become a greater man, he’s still doing everything for his own reason. At Weston, he helps out O.Ciel because he wants to feel validated as his older brother. He even feeds the hungry under the premise that it helps his own betterment, congratulating himself for doing such good. The very notion of being congratulated results in feeling that the said congratulations were rightful. This quote of “those were my thoughts exactly” shows it best. Well, even following up his belief that he is “twice the man”, while he doesn’t listen to anyone but himself.

Without Agni, he’s lost his last true emotional support. As Aby said “as soon as he realized Agni could give him everything Mina couldn’t anymore (and more), he didn’t mind Mina going away.” He really didn’t let go of Mina out of love for her and respect, it’s more just tossing her aside cause he found something better. Is that wrong? Not necessarily - Ciel’s statement that “if all other variables are kept constant, then it’s the same with any other product”. As sad as that is, and I don’t believe that Soma did see Agni genuinely as someone he loved, his childish nature is basically a variant of this idea. Soma gravitated towards Agni because he offered him more love than Mina would provide him in the end.

For his actual relevance to the plot, he’s raising some death flags. I do think that he’ll try to get revenge against O.Ciel, under the assumptions that it is R.Ciel, but he’ll find out quickly that they aren’t the same person. Despite this, he’s not in the mental or physical state to actually fight anyone. If he’s still the headstrong and self-righteous person that he currently is by the time we see him, and be aware that it’s only been a day or so since Agni’s death, then Soma’s most likely going to suffer even more. At least, I do think R.Ciel will hurt him for trying to take his place as O.Ciel’s older brother. Sieglinde and Wolfram would probably try to convince him that it couldn’t have been O.Ciel either, since from what they know, O.Ciel and Sebastian saved them from the life that they never want to look back on. Hopefully they can do him some convincing before he does anything too rash.

Servants: I’m saving my ideas on the servants for a really long post about this matter, it’ll be uploaded some time later (depending on our schedule), but I hope you look forward to that. But generally, I do think there will be a divide between them because Finnian, Mey Rin and Bard see O.Ciel and Sebastian as the ones who saved them when they “had nothing” and that all they have now was “given to [them] by the young master and Mister Sebastian - R.Ciel hasn’t done a single thing for them so why would they ally themselves?

Then again, Snake and Tanaka may side differently. Tanaka seems to have given his loyalty to R.Ciel, choosing to be loyal to the household, rather than the apparent master. Snake’s issue lies with the truth of the circus coming to light - the killers of the ones he valued so much were the servants and their master. He’s with O.Ciel under the impression that O.Ciel will bring them to justice and that they’re still alive. Obviously, finding out this lie will rekindle his desire for revenge that we saw so strongly in the Murder arc. Then again, more on the alliances of the servants in a future post. All that O.Ciel needs is for things to be kept quiet, and R.Ciel or Undertaker revealing so will undo this said lie.

The Contract: This is rather a fickle thing. It obviously depends on how Toboso wanted to plan a contract to work - every contract in literature, ‘history’ and whatnot from Faust to Theophilus has varied.

The contract terms, as we saw in the recent chapters, included the taking of R.Ciel’s soul and later O.Ciel’s soul. Sebastian wouldn’t let any take backs because “the price” had already been paid. Now, with the reveal that this price hadn’t been paid is even more peculiar. Technically, I would say that this makes the contract void. This is under the assumption that on that night, Sebastian didn’t take the soul.

However, if we work with the assumption that during the Campania arc UT stole away the soul through that particular injury… then, I would say that the contracts validity is even more difficult to deal with. But, I somewhat think that O.Ciel would still want to go through the contract - based on how he’s lived his life till now, he doesn’t want to continue the lie and a lonely life isn’t what he wants. Giving up his soul was simply dismissed as “fine” when he wanted Sebastian’s help. After all, stories where one sells their soul usually end up with that ending.

TL;DR:

I tried to keep this shorter but I literally talk way too much

There’s little chance of Lizzy dying because of UT’s protection over the Phantomhives. 

Soma’s raising death flags and seeking revenge will only hurt him more. 

Snake and Tanaka are most likely to turn against O.Ciel while the main trio of servants will stick to Sebastian and O.Ciel

The validity of the contract is difficult to talk about right now, it can go any way but I still do think O.Ciel will give up his soul in the end.

I want to see other characters please, I’m at my wits end. Give me the rest of my children back.