#ahahahaha I might be having too much fun with these casual replies

[002yb]

Damian: I've got to dads, so I work twice as hard on Father's Day presentations at school.

Bruce: Why would you want another dad???? I'm more than enough!

Damian: ... 🙂

Bruce: ... Damian, you were talking about me, right? I am one of your dads, right??

Damian: 🙂

Meanwhile, Dick and Jason framing a drawing of Damian to put in the living room of their apartment: 😊😊

(Sorry, I love Bruce as a character, but I hate him as a dad)

While I'm not particular about good/bad dad Bruce, I'm positively feral over DickJay being parental figures to Damian LOL. Like, sorry B but step aside for my boys raising their boy omggggggg. <3

Before I get too carried away though, let's just take a little journey to Damian learning about Father's Day for the first time. And at first he's very (・_・ヾ over it because what a useless holiday. Obviously every day is a day to respect your father?? But then he sees from his peers that it's more of a celebration of paternal bonds and having a dedicated time to really reflect on that and express gratitude for all the little things that are often overlooked.

The first person he'd think of would be Dick because like. Bruce might be Dami's father but Dick is his dad. (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) There's a very special bond there that was hard won. Damian came to respect this man because of Dick's actions as opposed to familial hierarchy.  And Dick is just - very kind. Patient. Caring. Always there, showing up. Dick taught Dami so much on how to be a person and inspires him so much on the sort of man Dami wants to grow to be. Just someone reliable and stalwart, with fortitudinous and steadfast resolve and goodness. FFFFFFFF I've got feelings I can't. (*꒦ິㅂ꒦ີ) Like I don't think Damian would really express all of that, but fuck if he doesn't feel it, you know?

And Jason. Ahhhhh my love for DamiJay will persist always. I love the thought of them meeting in the League. And Jason being a sort of caretaker for Damian that Damian comes to adore and cherish. Because Jason showed him kindness. For a boy who experienced so little of that growing up, I imagine it would leave such a strong impression on him.  It wouldn’t be something he would ever forget.  That kindness persists even after they reconnect, too.  And like.  Jason wouldn’t remember that time with Damian in the League, but the kindness would be the same.  Maybe a little more gruff compared to the protective softness and honesty from his more catatonic state, but Damian would recognize it instantly.  In a heartbeat.  Contrary as Jason can act, it never fails that he’s protective and looking out for Damian.  Be that with his general health or with keeping him safe/well-prepared for the dangerous lives they live.  Jason is dangerous, himself, but Damian knows that there’s nowhere safer for him to be.  Not that Damian needs protecting, obviously, but the point stands.

Just.  These two men would have made such an impact in Damian’s life.  They would do it without any real familial obligation, too.  Damian would recognize that they owe him nothing, but they chose to put up with him anyway.  Regardless of how difficult and ornery he can be, they stay beside him.  And they’re not perfect.  In fact, Damian thinks they’re hopeless in a lot of ways, but they’re good, strong, kind people.  Damian respects them wholeheartedly (though again, he keeps it largely to himself).

So yes.  Father’s day comes around and once Damian understands it, it would become important to him to partake in the tradition.  He would put so much thought and effort into a school presentation that would likely really confuse his classmates and maybe his teacher, too.  Because they’re well aware that Damian is a Wayne so why isn’t he talking about Bruce?  And omgggggg the teacher gently trying to explain that it’s okay that Damian didn’t understand the assignment and Damian just !!! because he understood perfectly.  And then he’d proceed to eloquently defend himself and tell everyone to fuck off and that their critical thinking sucks.  Which would lead to a guardian being called which, multiple scenarios:

1)  Bruce making the visit and having a talk with Damian and having it explained to him that Damian respects Bruce as his father because he’s his biological father, but Dick is different.  So is Jason.  And Bruce having to sit with that and really think about life and children and fatherhood.  Maybe it’d inspire some more effort outside of patrol and whatnot.  (Sorry I’m not very familiar with their dynamic so I’m gonna leave this basic af ahahaha)

2) Dick makes the visit and Damian, uncharacteristic as it is for him, legit slouches in his chair in an attempt to disappear because admin explains what happened.  The ‘misunderstanding’ and Dick just (*꒦ິ⌓꒦ີ) because that’s the sweetest fucking thing he’s ever heard.  It’d catch Dick so off guard but omggggg he’d be wounded with endearment.  So (*꒦ິㅂ꒦ີ) that he would never recover or stop smiling or feeling proud.  And of course he’d back Damian up.  Because yeah, he gets this posh school is traditional with its family values, but that’s just not the case for a lot of kids so.  How disappointing that such a fine educational institution would disparage a kid for having different circumstances in life.  Good to know that nothing has changed since Dick attended xx years ago.  And admin loves Dick even after so much they’d apologize and play their part and then overcorrect and Damian would OTL

3) Jason makes the visit and Damian is equally as embarrassed as per above.  Jason would be very startled over being included as someone Damian counts as a dad though.  The blush would be so soft and sweet and for a bit Jason would be absolutely speechless and (∗∕ ∕•̥̥̥̥∕ω∕•̥̥̥̥∕).  Then he’d throwdown with admin and they’d both get kicked out LOL.

4) Dick and Jason both break down the doors of Gotham Academy and 2 & 3 both happen, but it moreso ends with them getting kicked out.  Surprisingly not because Jason is difficult or combative, but because Dick is (ʘ‿ʘ✿) because someone would inevitably blame Jason and like.  No.  Nope.  Catch these hands motherfu-

Getting back on track here.  No solid end.  Just Damian being a bit shy over being called out like he was.  And Dick maybe walking around looking skyward because no of course he’s not crying; he’s openly weeping these are happy tears wth.  Ngl I think Dick would be the most overwhelmed by everything.  Because his relationship with Damian started so roughly and then became something so amazing.  Then it was taken away when Bruce came back and Dick was convinced that was it.  He thought he was the only one that felt that bond.  And ahhhhhhhh I’ve wounded myself.  Help.  FFFFFFFFF.

Meanwhile Damian would just be like, ‘compose yourself, Grayson.  You’re embarrassing yourself.  And me.’

And Jason would laugh because for real?  Big aww.  It’s not often Dick gets overwhelmed so it’d just be so sweet hahaha.

And yes.  Once they’re both composed (because Jason would be overwhelmed by those heartwarming feelings too, obviously), they would absolutely do the most with all of Damian’s tender affection for them.  (*´︶｀*)

My fav thought is DickJay showing up at Gotham Academy dressed like absolute fools in matching sets of something that they mismatched with each other.  I’m talking embarrassing crop top sweat pants combo and long shirt booty short combo that reads some form of ‘Daddy’ or ‘Dad’ or ‘Damian’s Dad’ while waiting to pick this loser up from school and Damian is just (≡ε≡；)

[theold-ultraviolence]

hey sweetie,

(don't worry! I am not going to lie, I might be a bit off this week because of uni stuff + anxiety is hitting me so... but yeah, pls don't ever worry about when you reply to me!).

in all truth, I always hear about Italian guys being hot, but 1) they really aren't and their mentality is honestly so awful (they are either so... terrible or fake intellectuals and the ICK!).

(also I relate to the bisexual thingy. because I only recently realized it last year and I haven't talked about it but with a friend and I am not going to lie, I don't feel threatened but also not safe... coming out?) .

listen... I don't endorse arranged marriages irl but I'd just like the universe to drop my soulmate in front of me. I... truly don't have time for dating and all that shit and I think that I have done enough therapy and personal growth to deserve a s/o, so indeed... build-a-boyfriend.

yeah, I love the whole thought of visiting different palaces and see me trying to do the most of it! (definitely brought over my 'comfortable shoes' so we shall see!).

but also like yesterday I and my friend went to the recreation of a 19th century ball (we know how to have fun, you can tell) and I was all thinking about doing it with aemond and ugh...

I'd like to point out something that I haven't yet arrived at 'carmilla' as I have understood the book is a collection of stories of the author and 'carmilla' is one of them and I have got to admit that I think the whole psychological and concepts behind these stories are very interesting but the writing is a bit... complex. but I shall let you in further in 'carmila'.

I actually discovered a new used bookstore in the uni city and there was a copy of 'the age of innocence' for half of the price and I am not going to lie, I have always been curious about that author, so do let me know what you think about it! and I am always a slut for pretty books.

OH THAT SEEMS SO COOL! I am not going to lie, there are a whole lot of interesting festivals and we have one in my city for children books and it's always wonderful BUT IT'S SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE UGH!

I hate how much culture costs, ugh. also that place seems so freaking cool and I'd be also spending my paychecks for different books... ahh good times.

if anything fails, I am opening a cool bookstore/coffee (I saw one yesterday where you can drink and knit and I UGH) and just live there.

yeah, I think that we talked about 'rebecca' before, through our first conversations and I am not going to lie, I truly loved it, although I was sideyeing everybody! in general I love romances and gothic novels, it's just the ugh... feelings.

also, as somebody who also has trouble accepting compliments, I get it all too well, and don't worry, I just think it's fitting and I am truly going to try to read more of your Eddie stuff as I truly enjoyed the way you portrayed him! oh gods, same. also I don't know about you but I was utterly blindsided by that death because I was like 'oh no, he is so popular, they won't kill him' and I ugh...

my plan if I went to do to my internship abroad in England was to visit Derby and just pretend that I casually met Ewan, so... but yeah... Derby has been definitely noted down as a place to visit...

(and I'll check out the show! I mostly saw edits and I am not going to lie, men in uniforms).

AHAHAHAHA, poor babes, they truly aren't getting the sleep and smexy time they need! but I love these headcanons and convos and they are so funny, so thank you for sharing them!

oh no, I get the whole same things about scarves (in fact I always get annoyed when it starts smelling like the outside and not my perfume) and it's utterly comforting, so catch me spraying aemond's cologne - for reasons - on my scarves if were were in a relationship. also taking a nap with it? THE DREAM.

thank you, sweetie! this weekend truly got me tired, but I got to be at the art exhibition and we even visited a museum and I caught with a friend, so I had a whole lot of - indulgent - fun!

I hope you got a nice weekend and your week will be fantastic!

-🌗

Bestie aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I am once again replying a million years late, it's been a WEEK. But the worst has passed, and now I'm unscrambling my brain, sitting down on the 'puter to reply properly like I'd been wanting to.

Oh gosh that really sucks to hear! because yeah I definitely had that same idea (I mean, heh, Maneskin lsdjfldkjg) and I had no idea and it's awful that you have to deal with that home! I can absolutely relate in the same sense. We DO need for our s/o's to fall into our lives miraculously because otherwise, I have no idea how that would happen given our respective contexts lmao. I'm slowly (and reluctantly) learning to accept that I will become a hermit. And also, the same here about sexuality actually! I think I had enough alone time during the pandemic to realize it. And I feel the same way about telling that to the people that know me irl, mostly because I was the one to be so adamant about being straight for so long, for the context I was raised in, that I don't know how my mom and friends would feel about it when I come back like, 'hey, you know what????? nevermind"

omg now enough time has passed that I must ask how the rest of the trip is going/went!?? LOVE that you got to indulge in a little Aemod daydreaming during the recreation of the ball! but also just in general that sounds sooo freaking cool as well as the trip to the museum!! Literally this week I’ve been like, ahhhh I wonder what my bestie’s trip is looking like right now. Also, will be looking forward to more when you get a little further on reading Carmilla! (I haven't gotten further in neither The Blind Assasin or The Age of Innocence lmao) But on that note, AHH I'm dying to read your vamp!Aemond story!! I'm saving that one for this weekend because I want to properly curl up and enjoy it without worrying about anything. I did read the first few paragraphs which is why I was like, wait wait wait, I'm gonna save this one to savour it. But turning any blorbo into a vampire has GOT to be my favorite trope. Which, tieing into your point about gothic romances, there's really nothing more delicious than a gothic romance - with a little creature in it!? amazing.

Also about culture, LITERALLY! but the part that makes me mad is that, it should be more accessible but also, everyone in that works in the field is so underappreciated and underpaid, so I get it. And it also frustrates me that, I wish I had enough money to give more of my support to artists I like and such, but I'm in the same field and I don't have that kind of money! aahhh it's a struggle.

Re: Eddie. Once again, thank you sooo so much!! Ngl I really kinda wanna get into writing for him more once my life feels a little normal. At the very least I want to finish my vampire story with him (speaking of vampires). And speaking of vampires, ohhh I might be delusional but I am CONVINCED he will return as Kas. All the signs are there (and I'm gonna be an absolute fool if he, in fact, doesn't lmao).

Also it’s so funny about Derby because deadass I’ve had this fantasy since the beginning of time that that’s how I’m gonna meet and marry Domhnall Gleeson, by exhibiting my work in Ireland and then he stumbles into the gallery and ‘OHH MY, instant connection! (Don’t @ me) lately I’ve been imagining something similar with Ewan LMAO

Also about the scent on the scarves! I’m so dumb. You’re literally hosting your milestone event, I should’ve requested that 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ UGHH do let me know if you’re still taking requests and if I can request more than once? 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 because I’d love to read this fantasy about scent with hcs from you!

Hope you’re having/had an amazing time, and that the beginning of summer is going great for you, my darling!! X

[01010010-posts]

okay BUT consider this: the human boys don’t really celebrate their birthday, so their s/o plans on changing that this year! They’ve got this big elaborate party 1 month in advanced, keeping it entirely from them, as a secret. HOWEVER, b/c of this, they start acting weird, leave at weird times during the day, answer/don’t answer certain calls/texts around them (all relating to the plans). Eventually they get suspicious and sad and plan to confront them, only to be surprised with a party! 🎉

ahahahah kin with human boys. im sorry for the extra late reply. also im writing this as a stream of consciousness thing because im going to bed in 0.005 seconds & i feel like im being chased hope it’s still ok!!! love u cuties/o might not even be someone who likes parties but they set on a personal mission of them having AT LEAST ONE (1) BIRTHDAY PARTY DONE RIGHT AND YOU CAN BET THEY WILL!!!! they get to know the secret info (the date. also, y’all can pry it from my dead blue cold hands but connor is a pisces, RK900 is a scorpio, 60 im still unsure but since in this AU they’re twins well he’s a fish too guess) casually, like, it might be connor scoffing something as ‘i swear to god ads of birthday supplies got too clever my birthday is the next month’ or 60 being all hyper because no, he doesn’t celebrate it but donuts shops SURE DO or RK900 getting kinda fidgety because uhh anxiety and also no no reason in particular i swear baby im ok [sweating lies]. it doesn’t really matters. what REALLY MATTERS is that these little shits don’t know what’s going to HIT them. literally. ofc s/o is so focused on the party they don’t even think about being hella suspicious and i mean, acting weird with these boys? it’s like sending a big red signal of ‘im tired of u wanna break up’ WHICH IS NOT NICE I MEAN FUCK??? they’re touchstarved on main please that would crush their tiny little hearts how could you you monster :’(((im such a sucker for the trope ‘we could literally talk about this and not pine & cry but that would mean being functioning adults and guess what we’re not.’.connor is half distraugh half ready to break everything so when he’s going to confront you he’s this close to crying and,,,, whaT THE FUCK I SAID I DIDNT WANT SURPRISES I SWEAR but he can’t help but be hella relieved and he’s just,,,, there hiding his face in the crook of your neck hugging you so hard you fear he’s going to pulverize your bones60 is sooo baby he’s such a nervous mess he picked on his fingers and now his hands are a mess he has tons of tiny bleedings oh god what the fuck he needs bandaids oh no no no can’t have my cutie see me like this what im talking about THEY WANT TO LEAVE ME AHHH but turns out he just worried TOO MUCH and oh this is nice. he’s having fun. he loves parties. not his birthday but if he ignores that part it’s good. actually the part about getting gifts is good too. and esp the part of you still loving him oh gosh he’ll ask you to cuddle him until you fall asleep the same night.why do you want my baby RK900 to suffer like this? he doesn’t deserve it. he’s super ready he knows you want to leave him like woah no surprises. actually yeah it’s a surprise bc for one time only in his life he thought everything was going fine ahahahaha??? he’s literally on the verge of having a nervous breakdown what the actual fuck. he convinces himself he can bear being without you but he’s oh so wrong. (if you have found someone else he’s going to fall so low i dont even want to write about it sob). he thanks whatever things exist up there when he finds out it’s just his birthday party. I MEAN it’s a social even so UGH but at least he still has your heart please don’t ever scare him LIKE THAT AGAIN he’s going to have a long chat with you therapeutic even no for real no more secrets no more surprises yep i know you meant well but he’s been trembling for the whole night have mercy on this poor man don’t laugh

[ask-svt-hearteu]

Mafia! Woozi

Anon requested: “ since it’s our jihoonie’s birthday today, can i request a mafia!au for out vobo? hehe i just saw that requests are open & i got rly excited !! 💗💗 — daydreaming anon (hbd woozi i love you sO MUCH) “

Word Count: 3679

you never thought you’d be here 

3:58am on a Saturday in one of the most heavily protected buildings in the entire city 

hooking up your sad $535 laptop and praying to whoever runs the universe 

that you’ll be able to go home and eat breakfast in time

as is the life of a hacker

a professional top-of-the-line hacker for hire

too bad the government hasn’t noticed your talent yet

or you would be working for the good guys

but you’re working for whoever helps pay the rent now

and if you take down some corrupt businesses while you’re working for the mob

who cares

that’s enough vigilante justice for you

honestly you’d think that one of the most powerful companies in the city would know better than to have such weak protection for their systems

you shake your head as you smirk and carefully unplug your laptop 

done 

easiest $30,000 dollars of your life 

the company had been known to “donate” a percentage of their revenue back into the city 

things like feeding and housing the homeless 

or ensuring kids go to school and aren’t on the streets 

but in reality they were pocketing all of it 

and come morning 

you would have just exposed their asses 

climbing back out the vent you came through 

you shouldered the backpack with your laptop 

and crawled until you reached the building’s service entrance 

dropping down you were fully intending to walk casually straight out the building 

until you felt your arm jerk as you were roughly pulled behind a wall 

“What the fu-“ 

the person who did it covered your mouth roughly 

and your eyes widened as you saw one of the guards walk by 

you silently cursed at yourself for not monitoring the CCTV system 

you had assumed hacking into it was fine 

but you forgot to check the guard’s positioning 

after he passed you turned back to the person who had just saved your ass 

“Thanks I guess.” 

he didn’t say anything but gave you a sideways glance and shrugged as he pulled out a definitely more expensive and way better laptop than yours 

as he connected it to one of the computers in the room 

“Who are you btw?” You asked eyeing him suspiciously 

he smirked

“What’s it to you?” he replied quietly 

it almost sounded like he was teasing you 

“Sorry if you got offended at me trying to be polite.” You scoff annoyed 

who was this guy? 

he had jet black hair 

and was not super tall from what you could see 

but when he turned back to look at you 

your breath caught in your throat 

“You broke into a high security building to clumsily hack into a system and expose their lies, I don’t think manners are our top priority right now.” he answered looking straight into your eyes

you stared blankly in shock 

“How did you...?” how did he know?

“Regardless I’m here to undo it.” 

you watched as he clicked shut his laptop and faced you 

“The fuck! I’m getting paid, what am I supposed to tell my client?” you said 

he smirked again as he packed up his laptop 

“There are better ways to expose this company.” 

and with that he disappeared 

like legit 

gone poof 

he walked found his escape route before you even had time to process what he meant

you blinked and he was gone 

when you finally returned to your apartment when the sun came up 

and clicked on the tv 

the news was playing 

“-donates half of their entire yearly revenue to creating shelters for the homeless...” 

your jaw dropped 

while you had wanted to expose to the media this company’s lies 

whoever that guy was last night 

had transferred over half of the entire company’s revenue 

in the five minutes he had spent saving you from lifetime in prison 

who the fuck was he? 

 his name was Lee Jihoon 

and honestly did he ever think he’d have to deal with other hackers even close to his caliber? 

nope 

but you had broken through into the company’s servers in record times 

he was intrigued 

and more than a bit competitive 

“Jeonghan, you think you could look up someone for me?” he asked walking into Svt’s main meeting room

Jeonghan was hunched over some papers planning the next job no doubt

without looking up, Jeonghan said

“That’s like asking if I like taking naps Jihoon, who do you think I am? All I need is a name-” 

“I don’t have her name yet.” 

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow swiveling in his chair to face Jihoon 

his blue prints and detailed plans fluttering at the sudden movement 

“Her?” Jeonghan questioned, teasing smile on his lips  

“I can’t work with you.” Jihoon rolled his eyes while walking off to find Seungcheol 

“WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘HER’?!?!?” Jeonghan yelled after him smiling 

Jihoon had joined Seungcheol’s team a while ago 

one of the original members 

but the others didn’t really know about him at first 

because he kept to himself 

usually tinkering with gadgets in his own office in the Svt complex 

overlooking the city 

overlooking their territory 

he also may have held up a gun to Soonyoung’s head when Soonyoung tried to touch him 

jokingly 

or so everyone would like to think XD 

one time Seungkwan had lost a bet to the others 

and was dared to go into Jihoon’s office

-just to try to learn more about this teammate they didn’t see much of 

but they got caught

and Seungcheol was scolding them until Jihoon walked out and told them to just order dinner and call it done 

and tbh although this cold mafia hacker didn’t easily trust people 

that one night where he got to sit down with the whole gang for a meal finally 

and although he would never admit it 

after being around the whole gang for years 

he trusted them with his life 

one of the best hackers hands down 

sometimes jokingly gets called the cyber shadow 

bc he’s Svt’s hidden member 

doesn’t go out in the field for most missions 

but has a hand in planning, masterminding, and orchestrating the whole thing 

didn’t like going out for any jobs anyway

that is until he had the proper motivation to

you quietly slunk through the security room 

attaching your USB to the main computer 

uploading the code that would shut off alarms for an hour or until you turned it back on 

this job was easy

stop the security system long enough to allow your client to rob the facility 

once the system was down you called the client 

“Yea the systems are down.” 

and you leaned back in your chair to monitor the camera systems as your client gang snuck into the facility 

“Honestly thought you’d be some social justice warrior but it looks like you’re in this for money.” 

you nearly fell out of the chair at the sound of that voice 

one you’d never forget 

“You!” You pointed at the guy you met that night 

he had entered the security room quietly behind you and was leaning against the wall

“Yep it’s me.” He smirked setting down a bag 

his black hair tousled lightly and hidden behind his hoodie 

he might be considered cute or good looking maybe 

ahem even though he’s totally not your type 

“I mean I do what I do for money too, but I’m surprised you play dirty also.” He laughed taking out a laptop 

“What are you doing here?” You say cutting straight to the point 

“While you’re helping this small gang live for another day, I’m helping kings grow an empire.” 

his smirk was really starting to make your heart flutter annoy you 

“and so you’re here because...?” you ask rolling your eyes 

“There’s access to the servers from this security room since the facility houses both companies.” 

you snort 

“You’re trying to hack the credit loan company next door?” You try to hold back giggles 

what kind of kings, please you think sarcastically 

here you were stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars and he was trying to hack a credit loan company 

“Information is much more valuable than money sometimes, a big drug smuggler wired money through this place and I want to know how much.” He shrugs 

“Speaking of information...” he says turning to walk right up to your chair  

you’re taken back as he walks right up in your face 

“What’s your name?” He asks placing a hand on either side of your chair 

his weight being balanced on his hands resting on the arm rests of your chair 

his eyes inches from yours 

“I don’t kiss and tell.” you say not backing down from his stare 

it was hard breathing with him so close 

he smiled 

“Let’s trade info then.” He laughed, “a name for a name.” 

“How can I trust you?” You saying tilting your head 

he steps back from you finally giving you room to breathe again 

“You can’t trust me, but I promise that I actually do keep my word... sometimes” 

you looked at him trying to decipher his words 

he looked like that joking smirk was forever an aspect of his face 

but in his eyes 

you thought you saw something genuine 

curiosity maybe 

or something else 

“Fine, my name is y/n.” You give in, “but maybe I’m lying or maybe I’m not.” 

“I’m Lee Jihoon.” He said breaking out into a smile before continuing his hacking 

at that moment your phone vibrated indicating your clients were done with the job 

Jihoon was still bent over his laptop typing away 

you thought about his adorable smirk and how it made your heart skip a beat 

and you blushed, flustered that he showed you up last time 

but this time you’d be the last one laughing 

you unhooked your USB that had been preventing the alarms from going off and ignored the warning window 

and that was when the security room’s alarms started blaring making Jihoon jump 

“Well hate to run while we were having so much fun,” you smirk, “but good luck explaining this to the cops.” 

you ran out the room right as the doors locked behind you 

as you looked back at him after getting into the car 

rather than angry he looked exasperated 

and slightly impressed maybe? 

you drove off before the police really did appear 

“SHE AHAHAHAHA SHE AHAHAHA LOCKED THE ROOM AHAHAHAHA.” Mingyu was dying on the ground laughing 

“I swear I might actually shoot you.” Jihoon said blushing 

“You have to admit she got you.” Joshua said bringing Jihoon a cup of cola and hiding a smile

“SHE FREAKING LOCKED HIM IN THE SECURITY ROOM!” Mingyu howled 

“Wow she must be something.” Jeonghan chuckled, “When was the last time you were caught off-guard, Jihoon? I can’t remember that ever happening.” 

“Luckily you got out before the cops showed.” Seungcheol smiled patting Jihoon on the back 

they were all having a tad bit too much with the situation

“She must not know who she’s messing with.” Minghao said before getting up

“So tell me her name.” Jeonghan snickered

“Y/n.” Jihoon said done with everyone

“I’ll have her file to you by midnight.” with that the gang dispersed, leaving Jihoon to wonder

what kind of person are you?

you had a lot more run-ins with “Lee Jihoon” after that night in the security room

whether you were out doing little jobs or big ones

he always seemed to know where you were

“Are you following me?” you asked him one night 

the both of you were at city hall

you were trying to get into the mayor’s financial plans, info that would sell

and he was connecting to the police line

“Why would I do that?” he retorted 

it was dark so you didn’t see him blushing

but he had indeed followed you here

he wasn’t sure what it was

but you had not only intrigued him and caught his attention

but Jeonghan had been unable to dig up anything on you

which was almost impossible

Jeonghan knew how to get anything on anyone

and so Jihoon was here to find out info the old fashion way

talking

“You seem too smart of a person to be a criminal.” he began looking over your shoulder at the laptop you were working on

“So do you.” you respond ducking out from next to him to continue working

“I’m not a genius, but I think that if you’re not the best at something, you’ll always put more effort into it.” he shrugged

you clicked your laptop shut

“Wanna go get coffee?” you said suddenly

he looked up in surprise

“What?!” 

“It’s almost 5am, and from running into you consistently these past few days, I realized I never thanked you for saving me from that guard. I’m not sorry about the security room thing though, that was funny.” you laughed, “but I’m going to go get coffee and if you want I’ll buy you a cup too, that way we’re even.”

“I don’t see how coffee makes us even.” he snorted

“Fine I’m leaving then.” you briskly turned around and started walking

you hear him jog to catch up to you and fall into step next to you

“Coffee is better than nothing i suppose.”

over a cup of coffee the two of you talked a bit

“So where did you learn how to hack?” you ask

“Are we close enough to be asking those kinds of questions?” he responded taking a sip of his coffee

“I suppose not.” you looked down disappointed 

you weren’t sure about Jihoon

you two had met under dangerous circumstances

and you didn’t know enough about the guy to suddenly start liking him

but every time his eyes met yours

or whenever you watched him swiftly hacking into something

fingers flying over the keyboard the way a pianist’s fingers played the piano

you couldn’t help the feeling of awe and curiosity 

who was he?

Jihoon coughed

“How about we start with what we do for a living?” he laughed, “I think that’s enough for now.”

so you told him a bit about being a hacker for hire

nothing really interesting

besides living 

that’s all there was to it

you were just living your life one job at a time

he sighed

“I think I understand.” he looked out the window 

“I was like that too until I found the others.” he stirred his cup before downing it

“Others?” you ask

“My friends, I guess you’d call them.” 

you pursed your lips

“Don’t you know what friends are?” you asked in return

“I don’t really trust people you know, occupational hazard.” he chuckled

you understood

people too often stab you in the back when you’re doing this kind of job

it was hard to find anyone to trust

his phone buzzed

and you watched as he picked it up

“Looks like I gotta go.” he smiled, “It was actually kind of fun to see how normal people live out of the shadows.”

you nodded in agreement

“It was also nice talking to you.” you said reaching out to shake his hand, “Hopefully our next few run-ins can be on more friendly terms.” you laugh

he reaches for your hand 

gently, as his hand takes yours

and as he pulls you closer to him

“Stay safe.” he says gently into your ear

and then he’s gone

you sit frozen in your spot at what just happened and look over at his empty cup

on the cup are nine letters scrambled up

you stare at it recalling him writing it on his cup when he was talking with you

and you realized 

it’s his number

you pick up the cup, unconsciously smiling

and go home

you don’t see him the next few nights

heck for the whole week you don’t

you half-expected him to melt out of the shadows with a smirk on his face and some teasing comment about your hacking abilities

but he wasn’t around

it was more than a bit worrying

you had his number and you were tempted to call

but could you?

you shook your head as you made your way out that night for your next job

the client had been a bit of a mystery

they called using a disposable phone which wasn’t uncommon 

except they also used voice modulation

suspicious perhaps but you were getting paid

you walked up to the address they had left

a small office building

and climbed in through a window

gently setting your things down you were about to begin when

the whole world went dark

and suddenly the smell of chloroform made the world feel dizzying as you slowly closed your eyes

when you woke up

your head hurt and everything felt upside down

but more than that

what greeted your vision first

was the appearance of a gun

pointed right at you

“You’re up.” 

the voice was rough and you felt like throwing up at the sound of it

“Yea I’m up you freaking asses, what the fuck do you want?”

“We require your services.”

“Then go through the proper channels and pay me you pricks.” you said trying to keep clam

the gun was raised 

“Is this enough payment?’ the voice said indicating the gun

“Whatever, let’s just get this done.” you took deep breaths

not that this hasn’t happened before

but you had never had a gun so close in your face

and it was terrifying to think you might not see the sun rise today

you pulled up to the desk of the room the men were in

and turned on the computer as they watched you

whoever had programmed the firewall for the servers knew what they were doing

you were nearly stumped

until you remembered something Jihoon had done that night in the security room

why did he come up in your thoughts now?

you remembered him telling you to stay safe

and looking at the guys with bullets ready to be fired at you

your eyes started tearing up

you know how these things go

as soon as you were done, you were dead

“Hurry it up.”

you opened the files on the computer and looked through some of it

a lot were mainly book stuff

how much this group was getting paid and when the latest orders for weapons were coming in

you assumed that whoever you were hacking, they must be a competing gang to the men currently holding you captive

you looked deeper into the files until you stumbled across a peculiar file

in it were names

“Yoon Jeonghan” you read to yourself

“likes napping and stealing my cola mostly, overall a good person to talk to” 

“Hong Jisoo” you read the next file

“quiet and also not quiet, good listener.” you were curious

what kind of files were these?

and then one file popped up

“Y/n L/n.” you held your breath

“likes coffee at five am in the morning”

you knew who the computer belonged to 

a bang on the door jolted you from the files

“Fuck!” the men scrambled to brace themselves as the door blew open

you took cover under the desk as you heard bullets going off and yelling

maybe this was all just a bad nightmare

you closed your eyes and silently listed off numbers

a hand gently took yours and you opened your eyes

Jihoon was there with the most adorable and relieved smile on his face

“Well, had I know you were coming to visit me today, I would have bought coffee.” he pulled you up into his arms and gently walked you out the room

“Don’t mind the guns and stuff, I’m sure you’re not all too curious about the guys that tried to kill you.” he said 

you heard an edge to his voice but didn’t look at your surroundings until he had lead you to a separate room with a couch

sitting down with you, it finally hit you

you’re not dying today

you were shaking as he gently placed his arms around you

“I’m surprised you broke through my firewall, guess I have to fix that as soon as possible.” he chuckled wrapping you up in his arms 

“The frick Jihoon.” you laughed smacking his arm, “I almost died and exposed your identity and you’re concerned about your firewall?”

“Well yea.” he smiled, “And I’m trying not to bash their heads in but Seungcheol said that would require a lot of clean up in the morning and I’m not down for that.” 

you weren’t sure if he was joking or not

“Kidding, kidding, they’re all ok and currently being dropped off at the police station with a note that says ‘courtesy of your friendly neighborhood mafia’.”

“I still have no idea if you’re joking or not Jihoon.”

“Let’s just pretend I’m serious then.” he said as you both started laughing

“I’m just glad you’re safe.” you said blushing at hearing your own words

“Why wouldn’t I be, you were the one in trouble here y/n”

“I could have taken them.”

“Sure sure.” he smiled

“Listen, I’m not letting you out of my sight again. I genuinely thought that perhaps it’d be safer for you without interacting with me, but this situation only proved that I can’t let you go anywhere by yourself.” he said turning to face you

“So stay here with me will you?” his eyes looked gently into yours

“I-”

“We have high speed internet and netflix.” he laughed “If you’re interested.”

“So I’d have to live with the mafia?” you asked raising an eyebrow

“No you’re just living in our territory and that way I can see you more often.” he shrugged

“Ok but only if the netflix thing is for sure.” you laugh

and you’re surprised as he gently presses his lips against yours

the scent of something floral and citrusy warming you as his gentle lips kissed yours

“As long as you’re here with me.” he said

MASTERLIST

[blotter-of-acid]

Just a few of the best pickup lines I get from dudes:

"So are you more of a leech or like a hippie chick?"

"blurghlgurghl" (Legit from a profile that acted like a bear. Like shows were "breaking bear" and Winnie the Pooh. And foods were honey. Dude needs to get laid...)

"Hey beautiful names Daniel and you are? Also, if you could sing one song for god what would it be and why?"

"Would you like to dance in the snow while eating chocolate chip cookies?"

"Hey I would remove that picture on your profile" (Then proceeds to tell me I'm adorable)

"Do You Want To BE Fuck Buddies?"

"by any chance are you spiritual & what do you like on your like doing on your life s jerney"

"hey there, how you doing? can we hangout and snuggle?"

"*reads Bio and sees saving the mushroom ravioli * I am so pro. .3."

"Hi do u like rough sex"

"I like your cool personality my name brandon how are you? oh and by the way you got a lovely smile and gorgeous glowing face that shine like the sun. :)"

"I'm going to vomit hahaha you're way to pretty to be fisting cow ass"

"you are cute but how well can you roll your "r"s?"

"Would you let someone serve you drinks and rub your feet after a long day/night?"

"I hear tales that inseminating giraffes, much worse than cows. Extracting all that giraffe ball goodness involves a spiked penis that'll slice your hand open if you are not careful" (I responded with "Pics or it didn't happen")

"Was your dad a thief? Because he just stole all the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes"

"We go out a couple times. We make out, maybe we bone. Or maybe we don’t, and I just never call you. Or maybe we do, and then we get married and move slightly out of town to some place where people of modest means can get a pretty big yard, and we get a goat, but the fucking thing is too loud and keeps chewing through the fence- they are surprisingly clever animals. Maybe it actually figures out the latch. But point being the goat keeps getting out and getting into the neighbor’s yard and eating his heirloom tomatoes or whateverthefuck- maybe we laugh at this. Maybe this discord with our neighbors only brings us closer together, like, us against the world. Maybe not, maybe you never wanted to get it in the first place, maybe you never wanted to move to the suburbs, maybe you secretly blame me for everything moving too fast and now you’re stuck here out in Calabasas or something and now you’re like 33 and if you leave me you’ll never have biological children, but if you stay with me you don’t know how you can stand even one more fucking second in this house in the middle of nowhere and separating the bank accounts is going to be such a god damned pain in the ass, and the goat isn’t cute anymore, it was a stupid idea, and it has an expected life span of like 35 more years but any place you give it away to might use it for meat and that would pretty much be unconscionable. You don’t want it, but you can’t get rid of it. That’s what it’s going to be like with you and me in like four years. Maybe. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t have a fuckin crystal ball. Anyway: how about it."

"I saw whichever Jackass movie it was where they artificially inseminate a cow. You, my friend, may be the bravest person in town."

"heyyy don't want to be blount but u had me at making music and whiskey"

"lol smoke all there weed"

"Hi hottie" 

"You look like 17 years old :) cute tho.." From a 42 year old... 

"You sound like a very nice person. I would love to get to know you. I am faithful, never married, family oriented, professional. If you like what I wrote and think we can be a good fit I would love to hear from you. Have a wonderful day. Richard" (from a 47 year old who lives in CA. I live in PA)

"dtf?"

"I wasn't sure if I was gonna message you, but then I read the last part of your profile, and I just had to! Very funny, seriously. I'm new to Philly, so a non-romantic thing would be cool for me too. And despite what my profile says, I do sometimes get down with ganja. So message me back if you want a guy to take you out who's not gonna fall for your sly feminine ways!" To which I respond "I am pretty sly. I'm a Mother Fuckin' Fox, yo." (I was drunk...)

"You can freeload all over me baby unh"

"So I've got a little hash oil right now and I like to go on record saying it's probably cool for you to smoke it all if you'd like" (To which I replied "Ahahahaha that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me")

"You are too cute"

"Miller High Life, nice, Well if your going to drink all my boozes I better get pleased ;) hehe."

"Hey how are you doing you are so very beautiful"

"Hi how are you?  I'm Chris 35 years old, current living in Mount Laurel, NJ.  I was browsing through the site and came across your profile, and enjoyed the read.  Very well written and gives a great sense of who you are and what your looking for.  You are quite Stunning as well! I love your lips :)  I would love to chat with you and get to know you.  Feel free to message me with any questions or if you would like to talk.  I Look forward to hearing from you!  Have a great night! Chris"

"Hey how are you? I think you're cute but ill be honest im not looking for anything serious. basically I want to have some fun with you and buy you things in return... let me know if you're interested"

"Hook me up with something to smoke and I'll share!"

"Hey you seem really chill we could schmoke a bowl and hookup!"

";)" from  ChristianGray4U

"Hey, OKC thinks we might be a match. What do you think?" We were a 32% match -__-

"I wanna smoke you outtttt. Would you be down to hang out one night and smoke and chill?"

"Hello. I'm Shawn, how are you? I enjoyed reading your profile and wanted to see if you were open to something casual? I know it's a little contradictory to what my profile says, I just don't feel like I'm ready for something serious. Just looking for some spontaneous fun this week. No pressure. Message me if you're interested :)"

"Come juice me for all I'm worth while you're around"

"Winky faaace!"

"hey whats up .. ever have a sugar daddy? not lookin for nuttin serious right now had bad relationship just want something like glorified fwb ... you having any luck on ok cupid ? ?"

"Hi! I'm Patrick. I would like to take you out' but I won't let you smoke all my weed' but ill share with you. :)" From a 43 year old.

"wanna freeload off me?"