#ahh... there's just. much more to work with. and considering the source of their abuse as something

[datastate]

sometimes it does feel like people take the easy route out when it comes to writing paternal abuse with the whole - “ they never loved you “ - but to me it’s always much more interesting for there to be a hint of care or love there. love the potential, the ideal they see in you, rather than yourself. love how you look like their spouse. love you out of obligation to the one they actually loved, but not caring to move forward in life with you, to provide more colorful experiences than the everyday of feeding you, bathing you, and setting you to sleep. love you so intensely, they react horribly when you go against their word because they’re only “ setting you on the right path “ to keep you from pain... and so on

[awanderingdeal]

Summer Camp AU - Chapter 1 - Regulus

The first official chapter of Summer Camp AU. I’m afraid this isn’t such a cheery one but is necessary for plot building. Content warnings for panic attacks, anxiety and mentions/implications of abuse. 

Thank you to my betas for their incredible work! 

As always, this universe belongs to @lumosinlove and I thank her profusely for the creation of these wonderful wonderful characters and for allowing us to play with them. You’re the best! 

For previous and future chapters see masterlist

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regulus ran a hand through their black hair. Despite being out of their parents’ house for a little over a year now, they still didn’t feel comfortable in anything but the short cropped style. It was the same one that they’d had since the day they’d started kindergarten, and mixing it up had felt like one change too many in a year of unknowns. 

Looking around, they felt like everybody else there already knew at least one person and that they were the only one who had come alone. They considered trying to introduce themself to one of the groups close by, but decided that going to check out who their roommate was would be a better idea. 

Regulus struggled to make friends. The posh, stand-offish approach that had been drilled into them by their parents was difficult to shake off and people didn’t seem to take kindly to it. A roommate would be forced to spend enough time with them that they would slowly start to see that he wasn’t such an ass underneath it all. 

With a gameplan in hand, Regulus felt a bit better as they traipsed across the camp, following the map they had been given to the building labelled staff HQ. 

That was until their eyes locked onto the piece of paper pinned to the bulletin with their room assignment on; cabin 6 - Regulus Black and Sirius Black. Their brain spun through a cacophony of thoughts so quickly that they couldn't quite grasp on to them. Maybe it was just a coincidence, they tried to reason. The reassurance lasted microseconds. How many people were named Sirius Black after all. 

Regulus felt a dull feeling buried in their chest. An itch almost. They knew the feeling intimately. They tried to steady their breathing. 5 seconds in 5 seconds out. The itch wasn't going. In fact, it was getting worse. They pressed the heel of their hand against their sternum rubbing it harshly but the sensation persisted. 

"Excuse me, could I see the list please?" a voice cut through the fuzziness of Regulus' brain. 

"Oh. Yes. Sorry," Regulus rushed out, turning on their heel and walking quickly to the exit, feeling a sudden need to be out of the building. Once outside, their eyes darted around looking for somewhere that felt safe. Their fingers clenching and unclenching by their side. Their knuckles felt tight and irritated, as if there was a pressure building inside them. Focus, Regulus. Find somewhere safe. 

They didn't quite remember moving but they somehow found themself sitting behind a tree. It was thick, and the angle of the stage they had just been listening to Dumo speak from did a good job of blocking them from the view of the other staff. They just needed a minute to compose themself. However, as they let out another slow breath, letting it whistle through their teeth, they looked up and their eyes met another pair. 

"Hello, I'm Celeste," the motherly looking woman introduced herself. 

"I know." Regulus blurted out. Dumo had already told them that. 

Celeste ignored the interruption. "I saw you sitting over here by yourself and wanted to check that you were okay. I know it can all be a lot if it's your first time with us." 

"I am okay," Regulus nodded slowly. "I'm okay," they repeated, unsure which of them they were trying to convince.

Celeste watched them carefully for a moment before replying, "If you are sure. I will be nearby if you change your mind," She took a final glance at them before starting to walk away. 

Celeste had barely walked a few meters before Regulus called out, "Wait. Please." 

She stopped immediately, turning to face them again. "I'm still here," she said softly.

"I know that Dumo said that we couldn't switch rooms but do you think that he would make an exception?" Regulus asked, their voice filled with hope. 

Celeste cocked her head slightly, "What's your name?" 

Regulus was a bit blindsided by the question. It wasn't an answer to their own after all. They pulled themself to their feet, dusting off the dirt from their clothes. Mother wouldn’t approve.  "It's Regulus," they finally answered, gesturing to their name badge. 

"Regulus." Celeste repeated the name.

 It was a bit annoying. Couldn’t she just answer the question? 

"Have you had a disagreement with your roommates, Regulus?" Celeste asked. 

"He's my brother," Regulus said, the reply seemingly leaving their mouth of their own accord. "We are not...we have not spoken in quite some time."

Celeste looked at them for a long time. They could tell that she wanted to ask more questions but instead she beckoned to Regulus, "come with me. We will speak to Pascal and see what we can do." 

Regulus followed Celeste over to the stage where Dumo was standing with another man. They seemed affectionate. Dumo had introduced Celeste as his wife though, right? Regulus dismissed the thought, it was really none of their business and they had more important things to think about at this moment in time. Their eyes scanned over the small group of people left whilst Celeste spoke to Dumo. Relief washed over them when they noticed that none of them were Sirius. Regulus wasn’t ready to see him yet. 

“Regulus?” Dumo said, making Regulus jump as they were jolted out of their thoughts. 

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” Dumo apologised, giving Celeste a small smile that apparently served as a gentle dismissal, because she tapped Regulus reassuringly on the shoulder and left. 

“Now, I hear that you wish to change your room?” Dumo said, waiting for Regulus’ short nod before continuing, “Remind me where you are helping us out, please?”

Regulus cracked their knuckles. “I’m teaching archery,” they replied, almost wincing at the timidity of their voice. Mother wouldn’t approve. They had always been so sure of themself, their parents constantly reinforcing the fact that they were special. However the last few years had left them feeling ground down and wary. It had been hard to bounce back. 

Dumo nodded. “Ahh, good, not a cabin counsellor. I’m sure that we can find you a space somewhere. The thing is Regulus…”

Regulus worried their lip between their teeth. There was always a problem where they were concerned. Nothing could ever be easy could it?

“The thing is, this is supposed to be a safe space for our kids. I can’t have hostility at the camp. Can you assure me that there isn’t going to be any problems between you and Sirius?”

Regulus took a deep breath, rubbing the heel of their palm into their temple. Their head hurt. They just wanted to lie down. “I promise there will not be any trouble on my part,” Regulus replied. It was the truth. They would be happy if they didn’t see Sirius at all. 

“Of course, I do not know the source of your troubles but would you be willing to sit and talk with Sirius? At least to come to some sort of agreement during your time with us. Perhaps with Celeste to mediate?” Dumo asked.

“Do I have to?” Regulus squeaked, much to their embarrassment. 

“No,” Dumo shook his head. “You will not be forced to do anything that you do not want to here at Gryffindor. It’s a safe place for you too,” he continued, reaching out to pat Regulus’ arm. 

Regulus flinched before the hand had even made contact and Dumo pulled his hand away quickly. 

“I’m sorry, I should have asked before I touched you,” Dumo apologised. 

“It’s stupid. I know you weren’t going to hurt me.” Regulus sighed. They wondered if they would ever be normal and if their upbringing was ever going to not affect them? “Can we just find me a room please?” 

Dumo looked at them for a long time. The gaze was reminiscent of the one that Celeste had fixed them with earlier. Dumo seemed to want to say something and Regulus doubted that the “Yes, let’s go and look at the room plans,” that was verbalised was it. 

Regulus followed Dumo back to the building that he had been in earlier. It was quiet now. They watched Dumo scan the sheet quickly before tapping a finger against it, “Oui, there is a space here.” 

Regulus smiled at the small french word. It made them feel more at home. They hadn’t been in Quebec since they’d run away and they missed it a lot. Their eyes fell to where Dumo’s finger met the sheet; Cabin 10 - Leo Knut.

“Come, I will take you there. You’ve lost a lot of settling in time already. There is no need for you to be lost too.” Dumo said.

“I will be fine,” Regulus argued. “I don’t have much to unpack.” 

“Indeed. But you look like you could do with a rest. And the longer, the better.” 

Regulus cursed their pale skin, knowing that the heating of their cheeks was most definitely showing up as a bright pink blush, “Yes. I am quite tired.” 

Dumo led the way to the cabin and Regulus had to admit that they probably would have gotten lost at least a few times if they had tried to make it there by themself. The door to the cabin was open when they arrived, and Regulus could see a tall blond carefully folding t-shirts into one of the drawers under the bed.

Dumo knocked on the open door, making the occupant jump a little. “Hello, Leo isn’t it? Regulus here will be taking the second bed in this cabin. I know you were supposed to have it to yourself so I hope it’s not too much of a disappointment.”

Regulus wrapped their arms around themself and dropped their eyes to the floor, making themself small in a way that reminded them of being shoved in a corner at their grandparents house, and being told to, “sit there quietly and don’t be a nuisance.”

“Oh, hey!” Leo beamed. “No, that is perfect. I was a bit disappointed to be alone, if I’m telling the truth. It’s just not the camp way is it?” 

Regulus noticed that there was a twang to the words. Something southern. 

“Excellent, I’ll leave you two to settle in then,” Dumo said, giving a nod before leaving. 

A breath that Regulus didn’t even know that they had been holding escaped when they dropped their backpack onto the free bed and sat down. It was a few moments before they felt Leo’s stare.

“Sorry,” Regulus apologised. “I’m Regulus. But you already knew that because Dumo just told you. I’m such an idiot. Shit, sorry. I’m just really tired.” The words just wouldn’t seem to stop coming. How had they spent so many hours having elocution lessons drilled into them just to become such a bumbling mess? 

“Hey, no, don’t worry.” Leo’s voice broke through Regulus’ monologue. “I’m Leo. Pronouns are he/him and I’m gay as fuck.” He sat down on the bed as he gestured to the name tag and a couple of pins attached to his t-shirt. A rainbow. Make it GAY. A small Stitch waving a trans flag with the words ‘Ohana, means nobody gets left behind’ on it. “I can be quiet if you want to take a nap?” Leo added. 

“That’d be nice.” Regulus nodded. “You don’t really need to be quiet though. I sleep like the dead.” 

Leo merely gave a smile and stretched a long arm to grab a book from his suitcase.

Regulus had only just rolled up into a ball and clenched their eyes closed hoping at least a little sleep would come their way when they abruptly turned back over to face Leo. “Hey. Could I ask you something?” 

“Sure, go ahead,” Leo said, seemingly unfazed by the sudden question. He just glanced at the corner of his book, set it down and turned his attention to Regulus. 

Regulus wasn’t sure why they were about to spout their personal history to somebody who was practically a stranger but there was something about Leo that was reassuring. “Do you have siblings?”

Leo shook his head, hand going to his wrist to play with the frayed end of the rainbow bracelet wrapped around it, “No, just me, my Mama and my Dad. Why do you ask?”

Regulus let out a breath of air through their nose, wondering how they could explain the situation. “I have a brother, but he left home when I was 11. I haven’t seen him since.” Regulus started. Leo just looked at them patiently despite the long pause, apparently recognising that they weren’t finished. “But he’s here. I was supposed to room with him. I just...I can’t. And Dumo wants me to meet with him and I said no but I don’t know if I should have and what if, maybe I should just go home?” Regulus rambled, no longer trying to bend their thoughts into coherency. 

“Reg,” Leo said, kneeling by his bed now. Regulus couldn’t help but notice how tall he was from this close. “Hey, calm down. Just breathe.” 

Regulus watched Leo’s mouth taking in long breaths and tried to copy them. 

“That’s it.” Leo reassured. “I’m not sure if I got all that properly but you and your brother, did you get along before he left?”

Regulus squeezed their eyes shut before replying, “We did when we were little. We were each other’s best friend and then he...it was my fault, I thought he was wrong. I didn’t realise they…”

“Reg,” Leo interrupted them again. “ You don’t have to make any decisions now. Whether you meet your brother or not. Whether you go home or not. They can all wait until you’ve had some sleep. No offense but you look exhausted,” he gave a small chuckle. “And maybe put the pack off the bed, take your shoes off, get under the sheets? I’ll be right over there. Nobody is going to sneak up on you.”

Regulus cocked their head at Leo, wondering how the boy who could barely have been 18 was so wise. 

“Hey, I could read to you if you wanted?” 

Regulus grumbled, “I’m not a kid.” 

“Good, because this story isn’t really appropriate for kids. It’s about a group of college students who murder their friend.” Leo snorted. 

“Such great naptime reading,” Regulus laughed. 

“Shut up. Do you want it or not?” Leo teased playfully, rolling onto his feet and making his way back to his own bed. 

“Yeah, sure. Just give me a second,” Regulus replied, placing their backpack on the floor and beginning to take off their shoes. They tried to relax. Leo was right. Even if they decided to go home they could let themself sleep for a bit before they started the long journey back to California. They’d make decisions later. 

[seijorhi]

asks :)

my inbox has once piled up, so to avoid spamming y’all there’s some asks below the cut 💕 - general & fic questions (but no drabbles)

Me re-reading the atsumu bit over and over again getting suspicious of the way he's acting : 👁️👄👁️

Y’all: can Rhi write Atsumu without making him obsessed with the reader?

Magic 8 ball: answer uncertain, try again later 👀

I re-read the new piece and I know it was not your intention, but Bokuto, Hinata and Sakusa's behaviour also strikes me as suspicious 👀(if you know what I mean) just lighter👀 just wanted to let you know 😅

This made me laugh. Look, I say with all of my fics - a lot of it is up for interpretation, read into stuff how you want to, but it wasn’t intentional haha

Bro your like my favourite yandere writer ever, so please don't feel pressured to fulfill requests if you wanna do your own writing then please do anything you write is literally gold and I'll always read your stuff (even if it's for a fandom I'm not even in your that good) 💖

I cannot tell you how many fandoms I got into because I started reading fics from amazing writers without having watched the source material, so this is super sweet! Thank you, bby!!

i just read your fic "like nobody else" and the related drabbles (the post supply closet scene and the noya/tanaka version) and i must say you are an amazing writer! the word "lovely" came to mind to describe your work but it somehow feels wrong considering the nature of the content. even so, i really liked how you made it feel like the reader may have had a chance to escape, yet it was all futile in the end. definitely going to read your entire masterlist and patiently wait for your new works. - @glaringlights

Ahh thank you so much!!! I’m a bit of a sucker for yandere team ups and soulmate au’s so it’s always gonna be something I’m happy to write for!  

Hey bby! 🥺 Sorry for bothering u, but i was wondering what happens after "Honey, make this easy"? Do you think Kageyama finds out that it's Suga that took away his s/o?

Oh Kageyama will definitely figure it out real quick. He realises that she’s gone probably only a few minutes after Suga takes her - of course he can’t go into a full freak out, especially around the others, but he knows she just wouldn’t leave. Don’t forget that despite the yandere tendencies and the abuse - their relationship is still ‘normal’ on the surface - she’s not locked away, he’s not forcing her to be with him (well, he is, but not in the traditional sense). He knows she’s not actively looking for an escape, so someone has to have taken her. And what do you know, there’s only one other person who’s missing from the reunion - strange that Suga left without saying goodbye.

pls stop being a good writer I can't take it 😔👊

Next fic, I promise bby 😌

Hello! I just finished reading all of your stories on Ao3 and i claim i have officially become a hoe for your manager au fic.I love so much team dynamic!!I hope you will write more:).

Team manager fics were not something I really intended on doing as much on, but it’s strangely addictive, and so fun to play with all the dynamics within a team. And yeah, Inarizaki manager au will be out in the next few days, and I’m debating about doing either a Nekoma, MSBY or Karasuno one as well... Maybe.Thank you!!

🅱️lease tell us what atsumu said in reply to reader at the end that ticked kuroo off so much (honestly i know it was prob mostly innocuous but pLeAsE)

also, that ᵗᶦⁿʸ bit of softness from sakusa toward reader? I MELTED 😭😭

I’m assuming these were both sent by the same anon? 

It’s not so much what he says, at least not his immediate reply, but scrolling back through the text conversation reveals a number of messages that piss him off (and the fact you’re messaging him at all tbh)

But for the record - Have I ever let ya down?

Also, Sakusa is one of those characters I was kinda ehh about initially. Like he’s pretty but didn’t really do much for me. Now however, I am a certified Sakusa Simp™ and I could not resist dropping a slightly soft Kiyoomi 😌

And then there were two was so good it cleared my headache with one read 💖💖

THANK YOU!! Also I hope you’re feeling better, anon!

Yan! Terushima has been living in my head rent free since you released your Run, Rabbit. How would he proceed after they get home? Would he force her to be his girlfriend?

Oh yeah. You’re such a meek, shy little thing, so easy to manipulate. You twwo had had sex, you didn’t say no, he made you cum (so many times) - of course you’re together. After all, you wouldn’t sleep with somebody you weren’t in a relationship with, right? Only desperate whores do that. Besides, it not like he gives you a chance to deny it - not when Bobata and your friend return to find the two of you naked and in bed together 👀

IT WAS SO GOOD. THE KUROO X MANAGER UGHH. Like I can imagine after Kuroo kissed the s/o and get into 18+ acts. He would call Atsumu to let him know that he did the deed. I'm sorry, it's just really good. You're one good author.

Ahh thank you so much, bby! I don’t necessarily think he’d call Atsumu, because to him Atsumu’s a cocky piece of shit not worth bothering about, but he’d definitely take a whole lotta joy out of dropping you off at training the next morning, covered in love bites and hickeys, legs still a little shaky with that beautiful glazed over look in your eyes, and watching his reaction.

[hellobrockie]

Some very long Rambly TROS thoughts

Holy fuck there is so much wrong with this movie.

Let's start at the beginning. Kylo tracks down the wayfinder/holocron crystal thing that will lead him to the sith homeworld. We learn that Palpatine was behind both the Snoke and Vader voices in Kylo’s head-basically the dude has been manipulating him for 30 years. Kylo states very clearly he's gonna kill this motherfucker. This is very in line with the Last Jedi- Kylo wants to destroy everything- the Sith the Jedi the Resistance- because he’s tired of the constant push-pull of rejection and manipulation. BUT THEN HE DOESNT KILL PALPATINE???? At first the film argues that he doesn't kill Palps because Palps promises him the big FINAL ORDER fleet? Okay...but I don’t think Kylo really gives a shit about a big fleet of ships when it's offered by the fucker who has been scrabbling his brains for shits and giggles. Once the ‘Rey Palpatine’ thing comes to light, we are lead to believe Kylo went along with the whole final order plan because he wanted to kill Palpatine together with REY???? Ahh okay? 

So now we switch back to Rey. She's basically a jedi, cool. And I guess the Skywalker saber just fixed itself, with literally no scars or anything. A great visual representation about how this film feels about character development that happened in The Last Jedi. So Rey breaks concentration and fails the courses. According to the film, this happens because sheisapalpatine. If you had two brain cells you would realize Rey could be upset for normal reasons ...like that in order to the Resistance to win she’s going to have to put Kylo down like a dog. Its kinda cool that Leia is her teacher (more on that later).

Soo then we spend the next hour on a pointless adventure with the Trio™. Which would be fun, if they were ever established as a Trio. Arguably the real trio might be Rose-Finn-Poe. More on Rose later. Here is a list of incomprehensible things that happen here:

Kylo reforges his mask. Because Reasons? The knights of Ren. Because Reasons?

A handful of force bond scenes. The first one actually isn’t half bad. By wearing the mask, Kylo is rejecting the intimacy inherent to the connection because he is about to  defile it. Grabbing Rey’s necklace is a physical and emotional violation. It's the first time he has ever used the connection for personal gain.  The other connection scenes mostly just play around with the two of them being able to pass each other stuff. They lack the careful editing of TLJ connection scenes. Disclaimer: I’m a pretty hard core Reylo and these scenes really lacked the magic they previously had.This might be un-purpose Kylo is clearly pretty lost as this point.  Dull, lacking in heart like so much of this film. 

Kylo becomes a cartoon power ranger villian spouting Palpatine exposition and attempting to create suspense by almost catching the trio a couple times. Some of the dialogue is almost Revenge of the Sith Anakin level awkward.  It lacks both the unstable angry energy of FA or the sad tired boi energy of TLJ. 

Rey makes force lighting because I guess she was upset and it's a genetic ability now???

Poe gets a female love interest, becuase hes heterosexual. HeTeroSeXUal.

Poe and Finn flirt for a whole hour while Poe checks out some new chick and Finn now has a harem thing kinda. 

Poe is now a spice trader. BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'S THE HAN SOLO OF THE TRILOGY. Let's just forget that TLJ establishes that Poe is his own character, probably loyal to the resistance since birth. His parents are rebellion alumni.

Two death fake outs. I don’t know why they had to give 3PO his memories back. He lost them at the end of the Prequels and R2 loved him anyway. Chewbacca capture was a missed opportunity to get some resolution to him shooting Kylo in the gut. 

Hux is the spy. Lovely. He is the ultimate weak bitch. Tbh the most consistent character development. Arguably my favorite detail on the entire film. Perfect execution. Domhnall Gleason is a gift. 

Now onto Endor. Endor has so much potential and squanders most of it.

Finn meets other people who left the stormtrooper program. Cool. Weird how it's tied to force sensitivity. I like the idea of the force putting Poe and Finn in the right place at the right time, but I think to imply people’s ability to escape slavery is tied to force sensitivity brings us to the problematic terrority of the sequels. Also the only one who talks to Finn is also black. And Clearly has a romantic vibe. Okay…..

The Rey Palpatine thing is made explicit. Even though anyone will half a brain figured it out 90 minutes ago. More wierd implications…..who would agree to fuck an old man Palpatine? So Rape i guess. Rey’s parents were normal...is this some kinda side material hook to read more about them or some shit??? Kylo refers to Rey’s parents as ‘filthy junk traders’. He's right. THEY SOLD HER INTO FUCKING SLAVERY. However Rey’s parents are good people??? WTF THIS IS THE JEDI COUNCIL ALL OVER AGAIN.

 Soo Kylo destroys the wayfinder to force Rey to work with him. Anti-Reylos will often get their panties in a twist about how it’s an ‘abusive relationship’. This is the only scene that really comes off as manipulative- in a way it never did in TLJ. Partly because they play up this idea of power-hungry Kylo (which has little basis in reality. In FA he just wanted to make Snoke his daddy. And TLJ Kylo is just soo fucking lonely) rather than sad boi Kylo trying to hold onto someone. Damn the TLJ throne scene is soo careful with getting that energy right, balancing the heartbreak with a little gaslighting (sorry off topic).  Then They Fight. Kylo doesn’t even pull out a saber at first because he literally has no intention of killing her. Rey fights because she's mad. Leia decides to intervene at this time, which is weird because Kylo still has no intention of hurting Rey. Apparently Leia sending Kylo a text is enough to freak him out. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE TIME FOR FLASHBACKS, MAYBE A ‘YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE’ TO TIE HIM BACK TO HIS NAMESAKE. 

Instead Rey gets him in the gut. She then heals him, something that should have been really intimate. This would have been time to kiss him in that wistful ‘ I wanted to know what it would be like before I exile myself forever way’. This is one of the scenes that desperately needed more breathing room AND GIVE KYLO SOME FUCKING DIALOGUE YOU COWARDS. Healing him combined with Leia stuff should have reduced Kylo to a pile of tears. I think he would find it completely overwhelming that someone thinks he is worth it, worth a part of their life source, worth their final breathes. 

Oh woah surprise Han Solo. This kinda works for me because unlike robot Leia and fairy godmother Luke, Han looks alive. Plus Han is only a memory so Kylo has to save himself, make his own choice. Aww fuck this got me the closest to tears becuase he looks so fucking sad about the fact that he can’t go home. Damn you Adam Driver and you’re big weepy eyes. His mother is dead and I don’t think he ever truly realized that she wanted him back. I guess with the way things went with Luke, he just assumed he was unwanted. Even now, Han is the only one of the 3 Ben can really imagine taking him back. Who knew Han was such a softie.  At the same time there is something so unintentionally sad about the fact that Ben’s whole family can become force ghosts and not a single one gives enough of  a shit about him to show up at the turning point of his life. 

Also the implication that Ben turns to protect Leia’s lifework is strange. Leia’s legacy is the Rebellion, a democratic senate, a planet wiped off the map, NOT SKYWALKER JEDI #2 JJ!!!!! Ben doesn’t even interact with any of the larger powers at work, he just saves Rey. 

Also while Ben’s guilt and shame about killing Han (his true sin) keep him on the dark side, this doesn’t address the 8 million other reasons he left the light. Also why do Leia and Rey never discuss this???? His own fucking family repeatedly rejected him because of his ‘Vadar-ness’ which is ironic considering…….

Then we cut to Rey’s fairy godmother-esque trip to Ahch-To where she arms herself with all of the Skywalker’s personal effects:

Mad that Rian Johnson denied you that ESB fanservice call-back of Luke being able to pull his x-wing out of water?? Don’t worry JJ has got you covered. 

Mad that Leia didn’t have lightsaber? Don’t worry JJ has got you covered, Leia was always prepared to be a back up to Luke because she doesn’t have her own perspective or anything or like a whole fucking political system to run. Also she stopped training because apparently completing her journey would end in Ben’s death...ooo SmArT foreshadowing that Rey using her lightsaber will end in one dead Ben boi. 

Leia and Luke ALWAYS knew about Rey Palps. Which is funny because they threw their own flesh and blood in the trash because he seemed kinda Vader-y. I guess it's wrong to judge people by their bloodlines unless its your own bloodline. I can’t even. 

There is no mention of Ben at all- even though Leia and Luke both died for him and Rey put her whole heart into saving him.  

Now to Exeger or whatever again. Almost two hours in and we’re back at the planet we were on in the first 5 minutes.

Spaceship stuff happens. Take out your checklist to get those pilot and ship cameos. Ooo look its The Ghost! OG trilogy pilot! Lando is there! WOOO! Poe’s girlfriend lived somehow! 

Ben’s last words are ‘Ow’.

Palps wants Rey to kill him because I guess that will make her evil? Since when does killing people make you evil? I don’t think killing Palps to save the world in the same as ‘striking your enemies down in hatred’ or whatever. 

Oh Hey Ben is here. Palps doesn’t care much I guess even though trolling Skywalkers is his whole life’s passion. 

Palps drains the life out of Ben/Rey. They don’t die. Ben goes flying into a pit. Rey has to face Palps alone because I guess even though Ben/Rey are stronger together and are cosmically linked the lone jedi thing will happen anyway?? Is feminism about doing everything on your own rather than building meaningful connections with your equal partner. Honestly only Men would think a women has to do everything alone to prove her worth, Rey has been wanting allies and family her whole life LET HER HAVE IT. 

Also okay sooo Palps did technically kill Rey’s parents and she had about a whole 5 minutes to think about that. Multiple generations of Ben’s family have been tortured by this guy, so I think it would be rather cathartic to see him play a bigger role in the end of Palp.

Rey enters the Avatar State. Cue more fanservice cameos (I love you Ahsoka, but you said it yourself, you ain’t a jedi). In another backhanded slap to TLJ were back on the TheJediDidNothingWrong line of thinking. Anakin is present ...I wonder if anyone else is interested in talking to him…...

Rey dies. I’m not sure why. Palps legit sucked the life of her and she lived, but the Avatar State killed her. 

Ben crawls out of pit. Damn Adam Driver has legs for days. He heals Rey, its kinda sweet but it's also really really weird that he hasn’t said anything. Not saying we need an over the top love declaration but even his emotionally constipated parents managed to get an ‘I love you’ out. 

Ben saves Rey. The thing Anakin thought the dark side would give him the power to do. Interesting bookend. Sad that my boy has such low self preservation, he gives her his life without hesitation. Why do we have to die for other people? It’s much harder to have to live for other people. To move and grow beyond the past. To try and be our best everyday, even when its hard. Isn’t that real redemption? 

Ben kisses Rey. Awww. Its missing some of the elements of a big romantic drama kiss, which I would be okay with ...if it was followed up with a big romantic kiss with a sunset on a new planet before the credits roll. Alas this does not happen. The audience is somewhat befuddled since their had been almost no dialogue referencing their emotional connections. The ‘no one knows me./I do.’ dialogue from the trailer did not appear in film. 

Ben smiles. It has all the boyish charm and innocence Anakin wished he had in the prequels. Aww he really has never kissed anyone. I wonder when the last time he smiled was. HAS THIS MAN EVER HAD A GOOD DAY HIS ENTIRE LIFE. I am emotionally moved until approximately 2 seconds later….

Ben dies. There is no funeral. No mention. Rey doesn’t shed a single tear. This dude literally gave you his life without hesitation. Is Reylo one-sided? Or at least not equally felt? Ow. U The Resistance doesn’t wonder what happened to the Supreme leader. We know at the end of TLJ Luke became a legend, I do not think this happens to Ben. 

The Resistance parties. Cue Return of the Jedi film reel. Poe and Finn are heterosexual. No resolution to the stupid ReyFinn force sensitve thing. Two women kiss. It will be cut out of the Chinese release. 

Rey buries the lightsabers on Tatooine because you know Luke lived there and Leia once wore a metal bikini there. Rey choose the name Rey Skywalker. Which is interesting because she didn’t get along that well with Luke. She finished her training with Leia Organa Solo, Princess of Alderaan who just happens to have been a result of a sperm donation from Anakin Skywalker. She found a father figure in Han Solo. She loved a guy named Ben Solo. I’m not saying she should name herself Rey Solo, but it certainly is better than Rey Skywalker. I mean it's almost like a person's worth and ability aren’t dependent on either a bloodline or acceptance into the galaxies most powerful family. Rey nobody would have been fine.  I’m not going to get into the feminist angle of a self made women tying herself to the legacy of a man. Cue theaterwide groaning. 

Twin suns. Cool. I liked them better in The Last Jedi.

Rey has a yellow-ish lightsaber and maybe made out of her staff. Wonder where she got the crystals from and why they didn’t introduce it earlier. Possible implication she's going the way of the ‘grey’ jedi? idk some Jedi have yellow actually. Ahsoka had a yellow one. Not sure since this film is back on the JediwayisBest bullshit. 

We see Luke and Leia's force ghosts. Ben’s last word was ‘ow’.

In Summary, some odd implications:

Rey Palpatine is quite possibly the worst idea of all time. Worse than midichlorians. The highest level of fanboy pandering and Rian Johnson erasure. Rey has a lot of very real things to be angry about - her rough childhood, the deaths of her mentors, loving someone as dense as Ben Solo, having to come to terms with the fact that her parents didn’t love her. 

Return to prequel-esque thinking on slavery. Apparently it is not that bad if you sell someone as long as you do it with LOVE. 

Making Finn force sensitive is not character development. Its just half assed pandering and additional exposition in a film filled with exposition.

There is some truly awful dialogue in this film. Its shot composition and editing is so sloppy compared to FA or TLJ. 

The force in balance means killing everyone on the darkside. 

Rose is completely sidelined. She is the only Asian character on screen. She is seemingly replaced with a black woman who has a similar background to Finn and is a scavenger like Rey. Yikes. Why does this feel like an anti-interacial relationship thing. 

Said Black women Jarrah talks to Lando, another black character in a bizarre dialogue that vaguely implies all black people are related. I might be really misreading this, but its weird. I would have liked her to talk to Rose instead because female solidarity. 

FinnPoe is played up a LOT. But we are also repeatedly reminded they are attracted to women. This does not feel like woke Bisexual culture. This is pandering without making a commitment. 

Rey’s worth as a character is related to her connection to powerful people in the Star Wars mythos, not her own traits. 

Ben’s character resonates really strongly with abuse victims and outsiders. His lack of dialogue strips him of a lot of his agency.  His estrangement from his family is not resolved. Vader, who arguably did a lot worse things gets a whole dying monologue and force ghost thing. 

Oh hey C3PO said the festival is every 42 year old….OG came out 42 years ago. heh.

In Summary:

Watch the Clone Wars animated series

Fall in love with Ahsoka

Watch Star Wars Rebels or at least all the episodes with Ahsoka and also the series finale, it's got some cool force stuff in it. 

Think about the cool force stuff in Star Wars Rebels and the cool force stuff in The Last Jedi. Woah.

Apply all this cool force stuff to your own personal version of the Rise of Skywalker

Wait for clone wars finale Feb 2020

Rinse and Repeat

Peg Kylo Ren

Oscar Isaac is the Captain on the FinnPoe Ship. 

The Last Jedi was the Best One. Fight Me. 

Find the fanfiction where Rey tells him what a good boi he is which reduces him to a puddle. Find the fanfiction where he cries during sex the first time, the second time, every time. Find the fanfiction where his force ghost gets a hug, where his family welcomes his back. 

Read Fanfiction:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852886

What I would do instead:

Delete Rey Palpatine

Ditch the mask. You have a fucking Oscar nomiated actor hiding under it. 

After the Endor part, have Kylo join either Rey or the Resistance. Personally I think him hitching a ride on the Falcon would have been wonderfully awkward. And maybe give some closure the calling Finn a ‘traitor’ thing. This is fanservice-y, but no more fanservice-y than the rest of the film. And maybe finally answer the question of who does/doesnt know who Kylo Ren is. Would like a verbal declaration that he identifies as Ben Solo or least Ben or something. 

Ben can still die I guess but maybe give him some kinda funeral. Or reuse the golden dice symbolism. 

Slow everything done. Let the audience feel sad, feel happy. Oh and cut out those fucking death fake outs. 

[moonbeambucky]

The Price of Gold (Part 1)

Pairing: Lance Tucker x Reader Word Count: 2211 Warnings: sports talk, brief mention of real life gymnastics sex abuse scandal

Summary: As a sports journalist you’ve traveled the world interviewing famous athletes. You’ve loved your job up until you find out your next article is on the last person in the world you ever wanted to talk to, Lance Tucker.

A/N: This is my submission for @green-eyeddragonfanfiction Dragon’s 3k Follower Creative Content Challenge. Congrats!! My prompt was “I can’t be in love with you!” gif source (x)

THE PRICE OF GOLD MASTERLIST

Your eyes blinked a few times to disrupt the strain of staring at a computer screen for far too long. You had almost rubbed them with your fingers but thankfully remembered you were wearing makeup and looking like a raccoon is not something you wanted to do, especially not at work.

You were in the homestretch of making edits to your article In Depth, a monthly feature you were proud to be writing for over the last year. You had come a long way, writing for your high school’s newspaper to today working for ESPN in New York. Your determination to work in sports journalism led you to leave your home of sunny Florida for the bitter cold of Illinois for college. At Northwestern you honed your skills, covering the various athletic games of your school for their website which ultimately led to an internship at the Northwest Herald. After being hired you spent years working up the ranks until you were offered your position with ESPN. Life was good.

Stretching your arms out you yawned deeply, reaching for your nearly empty mug of coffee, but you were relieved to know that you finished ahead of schedule and sent it for review. The publishing date for your Cristiano Ronaldo article had moved up significantly since he became the first player to score 100 goals in the UEFA Champions League.

After a long needed stretch you walked to the office kitchen, pouring a fresh cup of coffee before returning to your desk. Sipping on the warm brew you checked emails, a smile stretching across your face as you replied to Neymar’s agent who was securing dates for your interview with the popular footballer; a trip to Paris on the company’s dime to do so is an added bonus.

This is what made the difference in your writing, the reason why your articles were so popular. You didn’t just interview the athlete, you spent time with them, observing the person they truly were outside of the court, field or wherever they had to be “on”, yet you had a natural way of relaxing them, allowing the person behind the athlete to shine through.

The ringing phone is a welcomed interruption from the computer screen. Alyssa, your editor’s assistant, is calling to ask you to come upstairs. Normally being called into your boss’s office would be panic inducing but you quickly learned that was just how Susan Treston was; she wanted to bring the best out in everyone and would often call people in to brainstorm ideas or give them praise.

The elevator doors opened and you made small talk with Alyssa before she ushered you inside the large office with floor to ceiling windows and a beautiful views of Central Park that always knocked you off your feet. Taking a seat in front of the desk you rubbed the chill off of your arms from the cool air conditioning. Glancing around you looked at Sue’s photos with different athletes, chuckling at the height difference of her and Shaquille O'Neal.

Susan walked in briskly, harshly clearing her throat from a gulp of coffee as she greeted you and sat down.

“Ahh Y/N. I just skimmed over the Ronaldo piece. Great stuff!”

“Thanks Sue,” you replied, beaming a smile of pride at her comment. “You’ll get the Brady article by tomorrow,” you said with confidence, knowing you were almost through with it, along with a few more that were close to finishing. Sue smiled back, appreciating all of the dedication you had to your work. “Oh and I think I’ll be packing my bags soon!” you nearly sang, excited at the prospect of going to France.

“Yes that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You’re from Spring Hill, right?” she asked.

Your head tilted in slight confusion, wondering what your small Floridian hometown had to do with Neymar. “Um yeah,” you hesitantly replied, trying to hide the concern in your voice.

“Do you know Lance Tucker?”

Her question halts time, like a car that stopped short by slamming on the brakes, feeling as if your body bounced back against the seat in slow motion. Your heart began to beat a rapid rhythm as queasiness washed over you. Suddenly Sue’s office feels hot, unbearably humid much like the weather you grew up with. Beads of sweat begin to pool around your hairline and your jaw is so tense you feel as if your teeth will shatter. Your heels dig into the carpet as you mull over her question.

Who doesn’t know Lance Tucker? The gold and silver gymnastics medalist whose cocky face was plastered all over Wheaties boxes and magazines alike after his wins, and again in recent times after the controversies surrounding him. But you know what she’s asking, do you know him.

Lance grew up in Spring Hill too and despite wishing otherwise you knew him. At four years old your family moved across the street from him and you became fast friends. You hadn’t seen him since you were in high school and he was focused on training for the Olympics. You hadn’t spoken since though a small part of you wished the reason was because of the intense training or his newfound celebrity status after winning but no, your friendship ended before that.

Swallowing the lump in your throat you finally replied, “Yeah, of course I know him, he’s famous ‘specially for a small town but, uh, I don’t know him,” you lied.

“You went to Springstead High School, like him?” she questioned though it felt more like an interrogation.

Forcing a relaxed expression to help mask your lies you smiled before answering, “Yeah but I don’t think we were in the same grade. I might have seen him in the halls but I don’t really remember, it was so long ago, you know?”

Sue shrugged, seemingly accepting your answer. “Either way, I want you on this one.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Your next In Depth, with Lance Tucker.”

No. This can’t be happening. You repeat that over and over again as you find yourself stuck in a nightmare. Your trip to Paris has been rerouted to Hell, and truth be told you would rather interview the devil because at least you know his character unlike… You shudder at the thought of that man.

You began to explain and pathetically beg to her about how much work you’ve put in to making arrangements for the Neymar interview, even telling her about your latest inside tip on how he might be traded. “I can bang out a great story. We’ll be breaking major news Sue!” you tried desperately to sell your idea to her but she shook her head.

“I’ll have Josh break Neymar, I need you on this one.”

“Why?” you attempted to hide the anguish in your question. “Why me?” you practically whined.

“Tucker is opening a gymnastics facility in Spring Hill.”

Your head tilted in confusion. Lance had quickly abandoned his hometown after winning, moving to Los Angeles to continue his career and his “brand.” He endorsed everything from sneakers to chapstick, living it up in a cliffside mansion with a rotation of beautiful women before he eventually became a coach for USA Gymnastics Women’s Team until the scandals hit.

There was a sexual harassment claim and a former student accused him of fathering her child. He was cleared of all accusations and the paternity test backed that up but in light of the allegations against USAG’s team doctor Larry Nassar, Lance was dropped by the Olympics Committee, stating they wanted to bring in fresh talent when in reality they wanted to distance themselves from anyone with negative press attached to them.

Lance had stepped away from the spotlight over the last year, something that surprised you greatly considering that once Lance had the taste of fame he soaked it up like a sponge. He resurfaced briefly a few months ago when it was reported he was making an appeal against the committee's decision, requesting to be reinstated.

“Sue, I think I’m the wrong person for this. Heather has covered more gymnastics and I think she could…”

“You’re wrong Y/N,” she stopped you mid-sentence. “With the scandals behind him Tucker could still make it in L.A., I want to know the real reason he chose Spring Hill and you’re the best person to get that from him.”

You nod, pressing your lips together, feeling the uncomfortable tension that hung in the air. Your hometown connection is her ticket to getting the story and there was nothing you could do about it. You left her office with a forced smile, resting your forehead against the cool walls of the elevator as you rode it down to your floor.

Alyssa would be sending you Lance’s contact information. You have two months until print, knowing if any major news in his case broke sooner so too would your story. As the doors opened you wondered if you should press the button for Sue’s floor again, confess the truth about your connection with Lance and why you couldn’t do this article. Then again, maybe it would work against you. You prided yourself on your objective journalism, something rare in the media field today.

Your last words to Lance echoed in your head, “I never want to see you again!” You remember the conviction you felt, the fire in your veins, the anger that boiled your blood all masking the sorrow that burned beneath the surface.

“Hey, d’you wanna go to the Knicks game tonight? Chris bailed on me,” the cheery voice of your coworker Heather asked.

Exhaling a sigh you replied, “Wish I could but I have to get started on my next In Depth”. Your response prompted her to ask who the article would be on and swallowing harshly you said his name for the first time in years, “L-Lance Tucker.”

Heather’s eyes widened, her mouth dropped open in surprise growing into the largest smile you’ve ever seen on a human being. “Holy fuck Y/N! Are you shitting me?” she nearly shouted over the quiet office causing a few people to glare in your direction. “I’m so jealous of you right now!”

“You really shouldn’t be,” you grumbled.

“Are you kidding? He’s hot as fuck and you’ll be spending so much time with him. Remember when Twitter thought you were hooking up with Steph Curry?”

You laughed uncomfortably, “Um yeah that was not cool,” remembering how many times you apologized to his wife Ayesha on behalf of the internet and thankfully she understood. “I don’t want anything to do with Lance Tucker!”

“Why not?” Heather nearly scoffed, the typical reaction one might have considering they didn’t know him like you did.

Your emotions where starting to get the best of you, all this talk of Lance making it feel like the walls were closing in. “I… I just don’t like him... or gymnastics okay?!”

“Pffft, well that’s a lie,” she laughed. “We covered Rio together, we went crazy over Simone Biles’ wins!”

“Everyone knows women’s gymnastics are different,” you chuckled. “The truth is,” the truth in part at least you thought, “I’m giving up a huge article with Neymar for this. I even asked Sue if you could have this but no, she wants me ‘cause of the ‘hometown connection’”, you quoted with your fingers.

She gasped, turning a few more heads as she shouted, “You’re from his hometown?!”

“Well, yeah, but I don’t know him,” you firmly lied again.

As Heather rambled on about her crush on Lance Tucker your thoughts drifted you away like a cloud, one that was dark and heavy, ready to burst and rain down on the world below. Your history with Lance was in the past and if it wasn’t for this stupid assignment that’s where it would have stayed.

Heather left you to continue working and you stared at Alyssa’s email with Lance’s contact information for a solid five minutes before composing your own email.

It was past five and you had rewritten what you wanted to say at least fifty times, reviewing it now for the tenth time. You cringed while reading it; the email laced with lies and buffed up language to play to his ego.

Dear Mr. Tucker,

My name is Y/N Y/L/N and I’m a journalist at ESPN. I would be very interested in featuring you and your incredible athletic accomplishments for my feature “In Depth”. I would love to discuss your Olympic wins, the opening of your upcoming training center and of course get a firsthand account of the unjust actions taken against you by the US Olympics Committee. I would be honored to hear from you so we can arrange to meet in person.

Best,

Y/N

The mouse hovered over the send button and with a quick click it was gone. You felt queasy, knowing he was going to get that email. Maybe he wouldn’t recognize your name, you couldn’t be the only Y/N Y/L/N in the world. Yet a link to your biography on ESPN’s website was part of your email signature. If he didn’t recognize your name he would definitely recognize your photo. Even a pompous, cocky asshole like Lance Tucker could never forget his first love.

PART 2

[datcravat]

yanderedev

Im seeing a lot of blind support for the creator of yandere sim on tungle dot hell.

Just ignore me and check out this video if you want!

First of all, Im not gunna dive into the evaxephon rabbit hole since I firmly believe people can grow and change. He certainly has... but I ain’t nesecarrily sure it’s for the good. 

There’s an incredible abundance of little problems. Like how he says on his patreon that his monthly salary is $3500, and the rest of the money goes towards the game. He has income on top of the $5000 from patreon (but that has reduced to around $4000 since the recent controversies), from twitch, youtube and merch - which he conveniently fails to mention in his big transparency post.

So why isn’t he paying people? He's making a huge surplus; bigger than what’s come from patreon. Surely he can afford to pay a head artist so that his game can look more consistent...? He mentions in that huge patreon post that he doesn’t even need to pay people if they offer to volunteer... and then you see him complain about how volunteers find him dispoable, and how nobody ever sticks around. It’s a little contradictory.

He mentions in his videos how he could use a head programmer, so he isn’t acting as director and producer plus lead programmer.

Ahh wait, he doesnt want to add another programmer after he got rid of the one tinybuild provided; since they improved his code to the point he couldn't understand it (in case you didnt put two and two together, this means yandev is bad at coding. You can find examples of his "spaghetti code" - as professional programmers like to call it - online). 

On top of this, he's stolen a lot of assets for his game (such as yan-chan's bedroom and various textures) from artists who have explicity requested him to maybe not do that.

Artists who have volunteered have expressed their explicit distaste for him for being very difficult to work with, or for him taking their work and then not crediting them or contacting them again.

Im gunna bet a high percentage of his patreon supporters have no clue about the loss of tinybuild or the texture stealing or the lack of crediting, since he conveniently didn’t bother to tell them in his videos.

(And since he's pulling all his assets from so many different sources, the final game won't be consistent in its animations, art, etc.)

And from my own personal experience with him now... he is very rude. Even if someone is an annoying person, these are some choice words!

As you can partly see here, something he complains about often is that little edgy kids are into his game. That's a little rude to his fans for a start - but if he wants his game to end up with an M rating as he’s told his fans, why aren't his youtube videos age restricted? And on his server, I encountered a lot of kids... the youngest was ten. It doesn't add up, unless you consider how he must get a lot of revenue (if not most of it) from his very young audience, and that's why he keeps them around.

Also, reminiscent of his evaxephon days, he is a bit gross. On his server there was this quote bot that'd give you a random "funny" quote from him, and every single one was about perversions.

(okay... rereading this, isn't 82 a little familiar?)

For those that don't know, that's his own old twitter... it makes me think he hasnt really changed.

He also mentions in that patreon post that he’s comitted to honesty, which sounds ridiculous to me. He knows almost all his audience has only seen his youtube channel, where he’s conveniently forgotted to mention the partnership with tinybuild has ended; and immediately bans anyone in his lowkey dictatorship of a discord server who mentions things like evaxephon or azzman, or if they even very gently criticise his game.

I dont have a screenshot... but I witnessed someone say something critical about the game, and the other members suddenly jumped in like "they didnt mean it!!" And "please don’t ban them they didn’t know!"... it looked almost like an abusive relationship. The server is closed so Im not in there any more... but I was suprised to find out how much borderline stockholm syndrome his current fans have.

He goes on about people cherrypicking very old things he's said and using it against him, but it's too recent and too often. He goes on about twitch cherrypicking which games they want banned simply because they don’t like them... when that’s exactly what yandev does when it comes to facing criticism (something which, every large youtuber has had to do).

I see people saying that if you don’t like something, just ignore it - which is totally true. Here though... he’s sucking up cash from people who don’t realise what’s going on, or who haven’t been given the full picture by him. I don’t think he even wants to work on this game any more, but that’s just speculation!

Feel free to add on sources. If you are doubting the info here, you can find evidence on twitter (people are compiling it) or google, or if you have some time you can see it in this video, where it’s all laid out very clearly. 

If you’re wondering if the rumours are true, like I used to... yeah, they are.

It’s embarrassing to acknowledge it. I’ve made fanart for that game, watched a ton of youtubers have fun playing it, etc. Eugh.

[sage-nebula]

michiko-mitsurugi replied to your post “Top 5 moments in games you've played! (Feel free to carry over the...”

It's not your current interest, but how about the Tales of series? And if that's still too large of a circle then Xillia please c:

Hmm, Tales Series I can do!

Both of Luke’s speeches from the end of Tales of the Abyss---both when he told off Asch, and then when he later told off Van. The speeches were, for those who don’t remember: “. . . Now is all I have, too. I don’t even have a past to lose. But I’ve still decided that I’m me. It doesn’t matter what you think---here I am! If that’s the source of the strength you’re talking about, then I won’t lose!” “I finally understand what it is I wanted. I wanted you to acknowledge me---to accept me as a human being, not a replica. But that’s not enough. You said to me, ‘Can you not live unless you were born for some purpose?’ I’m not living for anyone else. There’s no special meaning in living. When I sensed my own death, I wanted to live. I know now---that’s all I needed! So . . . I don’t need you anymore! It doesn’t matter if you accept me or not. Here I am---alive!” Bonus points: The speech he says to Asch stuck with me so much that I still had it memorized word for word all these years later. I double-checked myself just to make sure, but yeah---I still remembered it verbatim, damn. But yeah, both of these highlighted just how far Luke had come, and they’re two excellent “shut up, Hannibal!” speeches to people who had been abusing and mistreating him for literally the entire game. They were beautiful.

It’s a long segment, but the entire part in Tales of Symphonia where you have to leave your party members behind one by one as they stave off various threats in order to make a path for Lloyd to get to the Hall of the Great Seed. I live for that sort of drama, especially since it all works out in the end and they come back to save him from Mithos (“We won’t let you lay a finger on him!”) thanks to Zelos’ intervention. (Or Kratos’, if you killed Zelos off, but considering Zelos canonically lives, it’s him.) The entire thing was rather emotional, and I love how it played out, with Lloyd growing so beyond frustrated and griefstricken because he’s so adamantly against sacrifices, and yet his teammates seem to be sacrificing themselves to help him save Colette.

Milla’s return in the Temporal Crossroads in Tales of Xillia, for so many reasons, but especially because of how perfect the little reunion scene she had with Jude was. It was brief, because Old Man Maxwell was still right there and they had a job to finish, but from the way it looks like Jude has tears in his eyes, and he looks away briefly before looking back at her to make sure she’s really real; from the way Milla puts her fingers against his lips when he first starts to say her name; from their soft smiles, to the “Hey” “Hi there” exchange . . . it was all perfect, on top of being suitably epic considering Milla was the one to break Old Man Maxwell’s shield so that Jude could punch Old Man Maxwell in the face. (And the fact that Jude was the reason why Milla regained her memories so she could do that. It was seeing him that reminded her, he was the key. Ahh, my shipper heart. ♥)

It’s heartbreaking, but the entire Hamil Incident scene between Jude, Leia, and Alvin. A lot of people criticize it, but honestly, the emotion in that scene was so raw and so real; it’s an example of really fantastic writing. Human emotion is not always pretty, but it’s important in fiction to show those more painful moments as well. I loved everything about that scene. It’s the reason why I maintain that Jude’s side is still necessary, unless you can find a way to work that scene into Milla’s. (Though of course Milla’s side is still more important since she’s the protagonist, but you know.)

Hmm, and I can’t actually think of a fifth one. ^^; Sorry!

[considertheturtle]

The Handmaid’s Tale - Episode 1 “Offred”

“I don’t need oranges. I need to scream.”

After recently reading and watching “The Handmaid’s Tale”, I can honestly say I’ve never been so shook up by a story since Schindler’s List. I’m working on a post on lessons Christians can learn from THT, but before finishing it up, I wanted to do another re-read and re-watch.

Here are some of my moment by moment thoughts from Episode 1: Offred

The opening of this series caught me by surprise. In the book you are already immersed in the world of Gilead. The car chase scene grounds you in our own reality and makes this world extra scary because it reminds you it really could happen here. And it really could.

Watching them rip Hannah out of June’s arms and then beat her over the head when she tries to rescue her daughter is just a first glimpse into the cruelty of Gilead. This is supposed to be all about repopulating right? But what good is repopulation when you refuse to allow a mother to take care of her child. Beginning grumbling anger now.

Serena Joy: “Our last one (handmaid) was so new it was like training dog, only not a very smart one.” If only they could remember these women are humans, not animals of any kind. Though honestly, dogs are nicer than humans.

The commander seems gentle in the first introduction, making Serena Joy seem to be the greater villain. Which maybe she is, except, well, no. He’s the worst.

I truly wonder whether there are any wives who can take perspective and realize this is not a gift for these handmaids. That they would much rather YOU were sleeping with your own husband, rather than them. Especially since many of their own own husbands/partners were likely killed so you could rip them away to make babies for you.

Immediately Elizabeth Moss is playing a more sassy and daring Offred than book Offred, who was towing the party line at the beginning, too afraid to speak out.

Ahh, introduction to Nick. I’m pretty obsessed with Nick and glad we get to see more of him in the show. Not that he says much more, but man is he skilled at flirting. I was surprised to see she was flirting back on her first day, but he’s pretty hot so I can’t blame her. Plus any opportunity to deviate from their terrible life is one more opportunity for a mini rebellion. And he’s hot. 

Ofglen/Emily. Amazing from the beginning and far from being the “pious little shit” Offred considers her. This scene reminded me of one of Gilead’s psychological manipulations. Put handmaid against handmaid. Make them all fearful of each other to prevent them joining together. What a horrible place.

“I don’t need oranges. I need to scream.”

The idea that they invented birth control so they could have their “orgies and Tinder.” I can’t even. 

Oh Aunt Lydia – Drinking so much of the Kool-Aid.

“Blessed are the meek. They always left out the part about inheriting the earth.” First person to call BS on Gilead’s misuse of scripture. I’m pretty sure Nick is the next.

“Girls (spoken in a soft voice) I know this must seem very strange. This may not seem ordinary to you now. But in time this will become ordinary.” Manipulation, manipulation, but sadly it became true for some. Such a reminder about the importance of staying alert and not getting lulled by people’s words.

Janine is one of the most compelling characters in this series.

June’s love and longing for Hannah is the most heartbreaking element of the book. It’s what keepings her going and it is the cause of her deepest sadness. Getting flashbacks to scenes with Hannah, their normal innocent life, is gut wrenching. And when she prays, “Please God, let her remember me.” I’m done.

The slutshaming scene is beyond cruel. And crueler still, that there are truly people who think it was “her fault” for “leading them on.” How anyone can think that a gang rape is a woman’s fault,? This forced group shaming is another example of the utilization of groupthink in Gilead.

Ceremony night: • Why do Nick and Rita have to be there? To add to her shame? Oh yes, this is supposed to be an honor isn’t it. • Locking up the Bible so that only the Commander can read it. Is that their idea of the “good ole days?” • As a Christian, the use of scripture to abuse others just makes me want to throw things. This show makes me want to throw lots of things. • Second time around, I’m wondering if the reason Serena sends her away when Offred is supposed to lay there for ten minutes is because she knows it’s pointless. That it is her husband who is sterile, not her.

Offred was always the one to comfort other people and she so badly needs comfort now. What a lonely, cruel place. Subjected to rape and then left alone.

Janine saying “I want my mom.”

“Keep your F’ing shit together.” The phrase she held on to all this time. So much of Offred’s life is about keeping it together in a place where no one could (or should) blame you for completely losing it.

You can see she takes comfort (or at least enjoyment) in Nick’s presence early on. He makes her smile. She should fear him, all things considered, but he finds ways of letter her know she doesn’t need to. I can’t remember if the book is the same or not. Max Minghella does a lot of nonverbal acting since he rarely gets to speak much useful content. But if you pay attention to what his body is saying, he actually says a lot.

Brings back thoughts of all the other public executions from back in the day and how they were forms of entertainment and outlets for people’s anger. I hate it, I hate it all. Seriously, dogs > humans.

The “loss of Moira” is so evident here. The thought of seeing her again was one of threads she was clinging to for survival. 

I love the way Offred repeats Ofglen’s son’s name “Oliver.” As though she is trying to ingrain it into her memory.

Overall, an amazing first episode that gives us a glimpse into this awful world. I love this show’s rich character development, as that’s the most important part of any story to me. Well done Margaret Atwood and well done showrunners for staying faithful to the source material.

Until next time.

[lesbianrewrites]

The Martian Chapter 7

*disclaimer* This is a project done for fun, and none of these characters/works belong to me. I do not claim to own any of the material on this page.

This is a Lesbian edit of The Martian by Andy Weir.

Chapters will be posted every day at 2pm EST.

Google doc version can be found here. The chapter can also be found under the cut. Enjoy!

CHAPTER VII

LOG ENTRY: SOL 63

I finished making water some time ago. I’m no longer in danger of blowing myself up. The potatoes are growing nicely. Nothing has conspired to kill me in weeks. And ‘70’s TV keeps me disturbingly more entertained than it should. Things are stable here on Mars.

It’s time to start thinking long term.

Even if I find a way to tell NASA I’m alive, there’s no guarantee they’ll be able to save me. I need to be proactive. I need to figure out how to get to Ares 4.

Won’t be easy.

Ares 4 will be landing at the Schiaparelli Crater, 3,200km away. In fact, their MAV is already there. I know because I watched Martinez land it.

It takes 18 months for the MAV to make its fuel, so it’s the first thing NASA sends along. Sending it 48 months early gives it plenty of extra time in case fuel reactions go slower than expected. But much more importantly, it means a precision soft-landing can be done remotely by a pilot in orbit. Direct remote operation from Houston isn’t an option; they’re anywhere from 4 to 20 light-minutes away.

Ares 4’s MAV spent 11 months getting to Mars. Using less fuel and taking a longer route, it got there around the same time as us. As expected, Martinez landed it beautifully. It was one of the last things we did before piling in to our MDV and heading to the surface. Ahh, the good old days, when I had a crew with me.

I’m lucky. 3,200km isn’t that bad. It could have been up to 10,000km away. And because I’m on the flattest part of Mars, the first 650km is nice, smooth terrain (Yay Acidalia Planitia!) but the rest of it is nasty, rugged, crater-pocked hell.

Obviously, I’ll have to use a rover. And guess what? They weren’t designed for massive overland journeys.

This is going to be a research effort, with a bunch of experimentation. I’ll have to become my own little NASA, figuring out how to explore far from the Hab. The good news is I have lots of time to figure it out. Almost 4 years.

Some stuff is obvious. I’ll need to use a rover. It’ll take a long time, so I’ll need to bring supplies. I’ll need to recharge en-route, and rovers don’t have solar cells. I’ll need to steal some from the Hab’s solar farm. During the trip I’ll need to breathe, eat, and drink.

Lucky for me, the tech specs for everything are right here in the computer.

I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the “Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

There’s too much shit to think about all at once. So for now, I’ll just think about power.

Our mission had a 10km operational radius. Knowing we wouldn’t take straight-line paths, NASA designed the rovers to go 35km on a full charge. That presumes flat, reasonable terrain. Each rover has a 9000Wh battery.

Step one is to loot Rover 1’s battery and install it in Rover 2. Ta-daa! I just doubled my full-charge range.

There’s just one complication. Heating.

Part of the battery power goes to heating the rover. Mars is really cold. Normally, we were expected to do all EVAs in under 5 hours. But I’ll be living in it 24½ hours a day. According to the specs, the heating equipment soaks up 400W. Keeping it on would eat up 9800Wh per day. Over half my power supply, every day!

But I do have a free source of heat: Me. A couple million years of evolution gave me “warm blooded” technology. I can wear layers. The rover has good insulation, too. It’ll have to be enough; I need every bit of power.

And because I need to bundle up anyway, I can deactivate the heater outright and use all the power for motion (minus a negligible amount for computer, life support, etc.)

According to my boring math, moving the rover eats 200Wh of juice to go 1km, so using the full 18,000Wh gets me 90km of travel. Now we’re talkin’.

I’ll never actually get 90km on a single charge. I’ll have hills to deal with, and rough terrain, sand, etc. But it’s a good ballpark. It tells me that it would take at least 35 days of travel to get to Ares 4. It’ll probably be more like 50. But that’s plausible, at least.

At the rover’s blazing 25kph top speed, it’ll take me 3½ hours before I run the battery down. I’d like to charge the battery up during the rest of the day. I can drive in twilight, and save the sunny part of the day for charging. This time of year I get about 13 hours of light. How many solar cells will I have to pilfer from the Hab’s farm?

Thanks to the fine taxpayers of America, I have over 100 of square meters of the most expensive solar paneling ever made. It has an astounding 10.2% efficiency, which is good because Mars doesn’t get as much sunlight as Earth. Only 500 to 700 watts per square meter (Compared to the 1400 those spoiled Earthlings get).

Long story short: I need to bring 28 square meters of solar cell. That’s 14 panels.

I can put two stacks of 7 on the roof. They’ll stick out over the edges, but as long as they’re secure I’m happy. Every day, after driving, I’ll spread them out then… wait all day. Man it’ll be dull.

Well it’s a start. Tomorrow’s mission: transfer Rover 1’s battery to Rover 2.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 64

Sometimes things are easy, and sometimes they’re not. Getting the battery out of Rover 1 was easy. I removed two clamps on the undercarriage and it dropped right out. The cabling is easy to detach, too. It’s just a couple of complicated plugs.

Attaching it to Rover 2, however, is another story. There’s nowhere to put it!

The things is huge. I was barely able to drag it. And that’s in Mars gravity.

It’s just too big. There’s no room in the undercarriage for a second one. There’s no room on the roof, either. That’s where the solar cells will go. There’s no room inside the cabin, and it wouldn’t fit through the airlock anyway.

But fear not, I found a solution.

For emergencies completely unrelated to this one, NASA provided 6 square meters of Hab canvas, and some really impressive resin. The same kind of resin, in fact, that saved my life on Sol 6 (the patch kit I used on the hole in my suit).

In the event of a Hab breach, everyone would run to the airlocks. Procedure was to let it pop rather than die trying to prevent it. Then, we’d suit up and assess the damage. Once we found the breach, we’d seal it with the spare Hab canvas and resin. Then re-inflate and we’re good as new.

The 6 square meters of spare canvas was a convenient 1x6 meters. I cut 10cm wide strips, then used them to make a sort of harness.

I used the resin and straps to make two 10m circumference loops. Then I put a big patch of canvas on each end. I now had poor-man’s saddlebags for my rover.

This is getting more and more “Wagon Train” every day.

The resin sets almost instantly. But it gets stronger if you wait an hour. So I did. Then I suited up and headed out to the rover.

I dragged the battery to the side of the rover and looped one end of the harness around it. Then I threw the other end over the roof. On the other side, I filled it with rocks. When the two weights were roughly equal, I was able to pull the rocks down and bring the battery up.

Yay!

Unplugging Rover 2’s battery, I plugged in Rover 1’s. Then I went through the airlock to the rover and checked all systems. Everything was a-ok.

I drove the rover around a bit to make sure the harness was secure. I found a few large-ish rocks to drive over, just to shake things up. The harness held. Hell yeah.

For a short time, I wondered how to splice the second battery’s leads into the main power supply. My conclusion was “Fuck it.”

There’s no need to have a continuous power supply. When Battery 1 runs out, I can get out, unplug Battery 1 and plug in Battery 2. Why not? It’s a 10 minute EVA, once per day. I’d have to swap batteries again when charging, but again: so what?

I spent the rest of the day sweeping off the solar cell farm. Soon, I shall be looting it.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 65

The solar cells were a lot easier to manage than the battery.

They’re thin, light, and just laying around on the ground. And I had one additional bonus: I was the one who set them up In the first place.

Well, ok. It wasn’t just me. Vogel and I worked together on it. And boy did we drill on it. We spent almost an entire week drilling on the solar array alone. Then we drilled more whenever they figured we had spare time. It had been deemed mission critical. If we fucked it up and broke the cells or rendered them useless, the Hab wouldn’t be able to make power, and the mission would end.

You might wonder what the rest of the crew were doing. They were setting up the Hab. Remember, everything in my glorious kingdom came here in boxes. We had to set it up on Sols 1 and 2.

Each solar cell is on a lightweight lattice that holds it at a 14 degree angle. I’ll admit I don’t know why it’s a 14 degree angle. Something about maximizing solar energy. Anyway, removing the cells was simple. Then it was time to stack them on the rover.

I considered removing the rock sample container. It’s nothing more than a large canvas bag attached to the roof. Way too small to hold the solar cells. But after some thought I left it there, figuring It’ll provide a good cushion.

The cells stacked well (they were made to, for transport to Mars), and the two stacks sat nicely on the roof. They hung over the left and right edges, but I won’t be going through any tunnels so I don’t care.

With some more abuse of the emergency Hab material, I made straps and tied the cells down. The rover has external handles near the front and back. They’re there to help us load rocks on the roof. They made perfect anchor points for the straps.

I stood back and admired my work. Hey, I earned it. It wasn’t even noon and I was done.

I came back to the Hab, had some lunch, and worked on my crops for the rest of the sol. It's been 39 sols since I planted the potatoes (which is about 40 Earth days), and it was time to reap and re-sow.

They grew even better than I had expected. Mars has no insects, parasites, or blights to deal with, and the Hab maintains perfect growing temperature and moisture at all times.

They were small compared to the taters you'd usually eat, but that's fine. All I wanted was enough to support growing new plants.

I dug them up, being careful to leave their plants alive. Then I cut them up in to small pieces with one eye each, and re-seeded in to new dirt. If they keep growing this well, I'll be able to last a good long time here.

After all that physical labor, I deserved a break. I rifled through Johanssen’s computer today, and found an endless supply of digital books. Looks like she’s a big fan of Agatha Christie. Beatles, Christie… I guess Johanssen’s an anglophile or something.

I remember liking Hercule Poirot TV specials back when I was a kid. I’ll start with The Mysterious Affair at Styles. Looks like that’s the first one.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 66

The time has come (ominous musical crescendo) for some missions!

NASA gets to name their missions after gods and stuff, so why can’t I? Henceforth, rover experimental missions will be “Sirius” missions. Get it? Dogs? Well if you don’t, fuck you.

Sirius 1 will be tomorrow.

The mission: Starting with fully charged batteries, and having the solar cells on the roof, drive until I run out of power, and see how far I get.

I won’t be an idiot. I’m not driving directly away from the Hab. I’ll drive a half-kilometer stretch, back and forth. I’ll be within a short walk of home all times.

Tonight, I’ll charge up both batteries so I can be ready for a little test drive tomorrow. I estimate 3½ hours of driving, so I’ll need to bring fresh CO2 filters. And, with the heater off, I’ll wear three layers of clothes.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 67

Sirius 1 is complete!

More accurately, Sirius 1 was aborted after 1 hour. I guess you could call it a “failure” but I prefer the term “learning experience.”

Things started out fine. I drove to a nice flat spot a kilometer from the Hab, then started going back and forth over a 500m stretch.

I quickly realized this would be a crappy test. After a few laps, I had compressed the soil enough to have a solid path. Nice, hard ground, which makes for abnormally high energy efficiency. This is nothing like it would be on a long trip.

So I shook it up a bit. I drove around randomly, making sure to stay within a kilometer of the Hab. A much more realistic test.

After an hour, things started to get cold. And I mean really cold.

The rover’s always cold when you first get in it. When you haven’t disabled the heater it warms up right away. I expected it to be cold, but Jesus Christ!

I was fine for a while. My own body heat plus three layers of clothing kept me warm and the rover’s insulation is top-notch. The heat that escaped my body just warmed up the interior. But there’s no such thing as perfect insulation, and eventually the heat left to the great outdoors while I got colder and colder.

Within an hour, I was chattering and numb. Enough was enough. There’s no way I could do a long trip like this. The test was over.

Turning the heater on, I drove straight back to the Hab.

Once I got home, I sulked for a while. All my brilliant plans foiled by thermodynamics. Damn you, Entropy!

I’m in a bind. The damn heater will eat half my battery power every day. I could turn it down, I guess. Be a little cold but not freezing to death. Even then I’d still lose at least a quarter.

This will require some thought. I have to ask myself… what would Hercule Poirot do? I’ll have to put my “little gray cells” to work on the problem.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 68

Well shit.

I came up with a solution, but… remember when I burned rocket fuel in the Hab? This’ll be more dangerous.

I’m going to use the RTG.

The RTG (Radioisotope Thermoelectric Generator) is a big box of Plutonium. But not the kind used in nuclear bombs. No, no. This Plutonium is way more dangerous!

Plutonium-238 is an incredibly unstable isotope. It’s so radioactive that it will get red hot all by itself. As you can imagine, a material that can literally fry an egg with radiation is kind of dangerous.

The RTG houses the Plutonium, catches the radiation in the form of heat, and turns it in to electricity. It’s not a reactor. The radiation can’t be increased or decreased. It’s a purely natural process happening at the atomic level.

As long ago as the 1960’s, NASA’s been using RTGs to power unmanned probes. It has lots of advantages over solar power. It’s not affected by storms; it works day or night; it’s entirely internal, so you don’t need delicate solar cells all over your probe.

But they never used large RTGs on manned missions until The Ares Program.

Why not? It should be pretty fucking obvious why not! They didn’t want to put astronauts next to a glowing hot ball of radioactive death!

I'm exaggerating a little. The Plutonium is inside a bunch of pellets, each one sealed and insulated to prevent radiation leakage even if the outer container is breached. So for the Ares Program, they took the risk.

An Ares mission is all about the MAV. It’s the single most important component. It’s one of the few systems that can’t be replaced or worked around. It’s the only component that causes a complete mission scrub if it’s not working.

Solar cells are great in the short-term, and they’re good for the long-term if you have humans around to clean them. But the MAV sits alone for years quietly making fuel, then just kind of hangs out until its crew arrives. Even doing nothing, it needs power, so NASA can monitor it remotely and run self checks.

The prospect of scrubbing a mission because a solar cell got dirty was unacceptable. They needed a more reliable source of power. So the MAV comes equipped with an RTG. It has 2.6kg of Plutonium-238, which makes almost 1500 Watts of heat. It can turn that in to 100 Watts of electricity. The MAV runs on that until the crew arrive.

100 Watts isn’t enough to keep the heater going, but I don’t care about the electrical output. I want the heat. A 1500 Watt heater is so warm I’ll have to tear insulation out of the rover to keep it from getting too hot.

As soon as the rovers were un-stowed and activated, Commander Lewis had the joy of  disposing of the RTG. She detached it from the MAV, drove 4 km away, and buried it. However safe it may be, it's still a radioactive core and NASA didn't want it too close to their astronauts.

The mission parameters don’t give a specific location to dump the RTG. Just “At least 4km away”. So I’ll have to find it.

I have two things working for me. First, I was assembling solar panels with Vogel when Commander Lewis drove off, and I saw she headed due south. Also, she planted a 3 meter pole with a bright green flag on it where she buried it. Green shows up extremely well against the Martian terrain. It’s made to ward us off, in case we get lost on a rover EVA later on.

So my plan is: Head south 4km, then search around till I see the green flag.

Having rendered Rover 1 unusable, I’ll have to use my Mutant Rover for the trip. I can make a useful test mission of it. I’ll see how well the battery harness holds up to a real journey, and how well the solar cells do strapped to the roof.

I’ll call it Sirius 2.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 69

Found the RTG.

It wasn’t hard to find. I drove 4km south and saw the flag right away.

Commander Lewis had buried it atop a small hill. She probably wanted to make sure everyone could see the flag, and it worked great! Except instead of avoiding it, I bee-lined to it and dug it up. Not exactly what she was going for.

It’s a large cylinder with heat-sinks all around it. I could feel the warmth it gave off even through my suit’s gloves. That’s really disconcerting. Especially when you know the root cause of the heat is radiation.

No point in putting it on the roof; my plan was to have it in the cabin anyway. So I brought it in with me, turned off the heater, then drove back to the Hab.

In the 10 minutes it took to get home, even with the heater off, the interior of the rover became an uncomfortably hot 37C. The RTG would definitely be able to keep me warm.

The trip also proved my rigging worked. The solar cells and extra battery stayed beautifully in place while traversing 8km of random terrain.

I declare Sirius 2 to be a successful mission!

I spent the rest of the day vandalizing the interior of the rover. The pressure compartment is made of metal. Just inside that is insulation, which is covered by hard plastic. I used a sophisticated method to remove sections of plastic (hammer), then carefully removed the solid foam insulation (hammer again).

After tearing out some insulation, I suited up and took the RTG outside. Soon, the rover cooled down again, and I brought it back in. I watched as the temperature rose slowly. Nowhere near as fast as it had on my trip back from the burial site.

I cautiously removed more insulation (hammer) and checked again. After a few more cycles of this, I had enough insulation torn out that the RTG could barely keep up with it. In fact, it was a losing battle. Over time, heat would slowly leech out. That’s fine. I can turn on the heater for short bursts when necessary.

I brought the insulation pieces with me back in to the Hab. Using advanced construction techniques (duct tape) I reassembled some of it into a square. I figure if things got really cold, I could tape that to a bare patch in the rover, and the RTG would be winning the “heat fight.”

Tomorrow, Sirius 3 (Which is just Sirius 1 again, but without freezing)

LOG ENTRY: SOL 70

Today, I write to you from the rover. I’m halfway-through Sirius 3 and things are going well.

I set out at first light and drove laps around the Hab, trying to stay on untouched ground. The first battery lasted just under two hours. After a quick EVA to switch the cables, I got back to driving. When all was said and done, I had driven 81km in 3 hours and 27 minutes.

That’s very good! Mind you, the land around the Hab is really flat, as is all of Acidalia Planitia. I have no idea what my efficiency would be on the nastier land en route to Ares 4.

I could have gone further, but I need life support while recharging. The CO2 gets absorbed through a chemical process, but if the fan that pushes it isn’t working, I’ll choke. The oxygen pump is also kind of important.

I set up the solar cells. It was hard work; last time I had Vogel’s help. They aren’t heavy, but they’re awkward. After setting up half of them, I figured out I could drag them rather than carry them and that sped things up.

Now I’m just waiting for the batteries to recharge. I’m bored, so I’m updating the log. I have all the Poirot books in my computer. That’ll help. It’s going to take 12 hours to recharge, after all.

What’s that, you say? 12 hours is wrong? I said 13 hours earlier? Well, my friend, let me set you straight.

The RTG is a generator. It’s a paltry amount of power, compared to what the rover consumes, but it’s not nothing. It’s 100 Watts. It’ll cut an hour off my total recharge time. Why not use it?

I wonder what NASA would think about me fucking with the RTG like this. They’d probably hide under their desks and cuddle their slide-rules for comfort.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 71 

c As predicted, it took 12 hours to charge the batteries to full. I came straight home.

Time to make plans for Sirius 4. And I think it’ll be a multi-day field trip.

Looks like power and battery recharging is solved. Food’s not a problem; there’s plenty of space to store things. Water’s even easier than food. I need 2L per day to be comfortable.

In the long term, I’ll need to bring the Oxygenator. But it’s big and I don’t want to screw with it right now. So I’ll rely on O2 and CO2 filters for Sirius 4.

CO2 isn’t a problem. I started this grand adventure with 1500 hours of CO2 filters, plus another 720 for emergency use. All systems use standard filters (Apollo 13 taught us important lessons). Since then, I’ve used 131 hours of filter on various EVAs. I have 2089 left. 87 days worth. Plenty.

The rover was designed to support 3 people for 2 days, plus some reserve for safety. So its O2 tanks can hold enough to last me 7 days. Not enough.

Mars has 1/90th Earth’s atmospheric pressure. The inside of the rover has 1 atmosphere. So the oxygen tanks are on the inside (less pressure differential to deal with). Why does that matter? It means I can bring along other oxygen tanks, and equalize them with the rover’s tanks without having to do an EVA.

So today, I detached one of the Hab’s two 25L oxygen tanks and brought it in to the rover. According to NASA, a human needs 588L of oxygen per day to live. Compressed liquid O2 is about 1000 times as dense as gaseous O2 in a comfortable atmosphere. Long story short: with the Hab tank, I have enough O2 to last 42 days. That’ll be plenty.

Sirius 4 will be a 20 day trip.

That may seem a bit long, but I have a specific goal in mind. Besides, my trip to Ares 4 will be at least 40 days. This is a good scale model.

While I’m away, the Hab can take care of itself, but the potatoes are an issue. I’ll  saturate the ground with most of the water I have. Then, I’ll deactivate the Atmospheric Regulator, so it doesn’t pull water out of the air. It’ll be humid as hell, and water will condense on every surface. That’ll keep the potatoes well watered while I’m away.

A bigger problem is CO2. The potatoes need to breathe. I know what you’re thinking. “Mark, old chap! YOU produce carbon dioxide! It’s all part of the majestic circle of nature!”

The problem is: Where will I put it? Sure, I exhale CO2 with every breath, but I don’t have any way to store it. I could turn off the Oxygenator and Atmospheric Regulator and just fill the Hab with my breath over time. But CO2 is deadly to me. I need to release a bunch at once and run away.

Remember the MAV fuel plant? It collects CO2 from the Martian atmosphere. My small crops aren’t nearly as needy as me, so a 10L tank of compressed liquid CO2, vented in to the Hab, will be enough CO2 to do the trick. That’ll take less than a day to create.

So that’s everything. Once I vent the CO2 in to the Hab, I’ll turn off the Atmospheric Regulator and Oxygenator, dump a ton of water on the crops, and head out.

Sirius 4. A huge step forward in my rover research. And I can start tomorrow.