#alastair carstiars fanfic

[astriefer]

You know I can't cook myself without burning down the house

Warning: bit of angst. Some fluff.

~~~~~~~~~

Cordelia stepped back into the parlor of her townhouse, holding a tray in her hands.

"Here," she began, resting it on the dark-wooded table. She lifted the teapot to pour the drink as she looked up calmly at her brother. "So, whatever is it going on?"

Alastair knotted his brows together, seemingly bewildered. "You tell me," he said. "Weren't you the one who suggested I'd come by?"

She added a slice of lemon to Alastair's tea and a bit of milk to hers. The set was made of porcelain, with delicate traces of flowers. It was a gift she got from her mother, Sona, for the wedding - the one which passed on to her from her own mother. She stirred the liquid with a teaspoon, watching as it mixed and turned back to a solid color. 

She kept her cool. "Didn't you wish to come?" 

He shrugged dismissingly. "Isn't it the new base for you and your little friends? I imagined they would be here."

"They went to their hideout at the Devil's Tavern," she explained. So that's what it is. He wanted to avoid an inept meeting with the Merry Thieves. Even if they did try to converse, say they wouldn't snub him as usual, she held no hope it would be competent and amiable. She planned his arrival meticulously. James and the rest of the Merry thieves had patrol from the afternoon to evening. It came out perfectly - they'd stay at the Devil until patrol, giving her as much time as essential to speak with her brother.

Alastair's expressive eyebrows climbed upwards. "And your husband left you alone when a serial killer is running loose?"

The word 'husband' made her cheeks heat up and her heart double in pain. Husband. But not a real one, not as you think, brother. "I told James I would have company today and had insisted of him to go and be with our friends. So as you see, he didn't leave me alone." She took a sip from her tea.

She told James she wished to invite her family for the day. She had never said she would invite all of them. And she never knew whether Alastair would bring himself or not. She has convinced him no accusations of bad manners will be held against him if he goes off with his friends. 

"Well-"

"Alastair, please," she huffed, and Alastair scowled and took his teacup in hand, the saucer in another. "James was far more than kind to me. And no attack occurred in Shadowhunters' houses."

"You can never know," he argued.

"Alastair," she warned.

He rolled his eyes. "As you will. Herondale-"

"He has a name," Cordelia protested, starting to get irritated. "Besides, he is your brother by marriage. If nothing else, it worth a first name basis, is it not?"

Alastair scrunched his nose at the comment, clearly not softened by her effort. He opened his mouth before hesitating and shutting it. Her brother turned to stare at her silently for a few seconds before asking, "Is James Herondale taking good care of you?"

She held his gaze, but the question startled her. She looked over at him, examining him closely. Over the past month since their father's return, she noticed slight changes in his behavior. The tension in his shoulders, the cautious looks around. He seemed more aware and detached from everything around him at the same time. She was worried, but was never able to voice those fears. 

And James. James was pure and loyal, always acting like a faithful husband around others. "He does," she said, with as much meaning as she could put into those words. Alastair slowly nodded. 

She felt sick to think about it. The lies and half-truths in which she surrounded herself threatened to drown her. Those stolen moments when she was with James, free to love him but also forbidden from his own love at the same time. Was it worth it? Are the moments alone with him now would worth the constant pain she'd carry with herself once the marriage is called off?

This was not a question she got to puzzle over longly. Her brother's stern look was directed at her. 

"Yes," she said convincingly. "He is everything I could have imagined for myself." Because he is the only thing I longed for myself.

At the outset, Alastair seemed to tranquil. He nodded imperceptibly. Once. Twice. Then something behind his eyes changed, and Cordelia had felt dread washing over her. Often he seemed to know more than he has let to see. He anticipated the world in his way, revealing secrets and schemes. Was he unsatisfied with her answer? Maybe he speculated what she brought him for. She forced herself to return his gaze.

"Cordelia," he started. "I am glad. For the invitation, that is. But really all you wished to do is have a little tea party with me?"

It felt like an unsaid conviction. She took a breath. Of course, he wouldn't make it easy on her. she stirred her tea, not bringing her older brother a look. "Someone once told me tea parties are a great excuse for clandestine agenda." 

He raised a brow. She noted the way his posture became more rigid. "And I assume this time is not an oddity."

"No," she conceded. "Not in this case."

Keep reading

~~~~~~~~~

Am I delaying my angsty Thomastair fic? Sure. Am I scared because instead of working on an assignment I've done this? True. Have I stumbled with this fic for a month or so and in the last day and half finished it? Yes, you guessed right, I have.

Also, didn't check much of it after I finished writing. I am sorry for mistakes and the abundant of grammar errors, it's the best I can pull. I never saw a fic where they do something like this so I decided to dive and do it myself. I apologize, Persian readers, I tried my best to make it right but I don't know how correct I did it.

[thomaslightwood]

Tale of the Prince and the Servant || Thomastair Royal AU

THOMASTAIR WEEK - Day 5 (19th July): Alternate Universe (hosted by @youngreckless!)

THIS FIC HELD ME HOSTAGE UNTIL I WRITE IT AND THEN SOLD MY SOUL TO LILITH

I really hope you enjoy this! I wrote it in less than two days and finished it at 11pm 🤧 (and then I edited it so I can post it for day 5 😩)

Anyway, enjoy! And please let me know what you think! 🙏

•

He straightened his back. Glanced quickly to check if his clothes were clean. Looked at the crowd in front of him and took a deep breath.

Prince Alastair looked at the crowd and smiled.

•

“What gives them the right to be so good-looking?” a woman said, sighing.

“Their royal blood?” chuckled another.

“I wouldn't count on it. Prince Alastair and princess Cordelia are mix blooded,” she started to whisper. “Everyone knows their mother killed her first husband so she can escape with her foreigner lover-”

Thomas couldn't stand even a second more of this.

He turned towards them, holding a basket full of apples. He probably looked silly but he was pissed off.

“Have some shame!” he exclaimed. “How can you talk about them like that! And princess Sona hasn't killed anyone! Her first husband died from snake poisoning. It's not-”

He was interrupted by a loud noise. Music. He knew what this sound meant.

Thomas was late.

He headed towards the palace, careful no apples to fall from the basket.

The entrance for servants was wide open, people were going in and out all the time. As he entered a wave of a spice aroma gently wrapped around him, making him a little dizzy. He nodded at a few people he was pacing by until he reached the kitchen. 

Compared to the chaos in it, outside seemed strictly in order. People were shouting at one another, preparing meals or decorating sweets. 

“Finally,” said Kimia, a servant girl for whom the apples were for. “What took you so long? The Mistress will kill me if she waits any longer.”

“I'm sorry,” Thomas said, putting the baskets on the fence as Kimia took an apple from it. “There were a lot of people today. Because of the speech and everything.”

Kimia nodded grimly.

“This is so stupid,” she said. “Why does the royal family even do it? The emperor isn't saying anything important. He's just talking nonsense for thirty minutes.”

“Because people like to see all the royal family together,” Thomas said.

“They also love to make rumors about them,” Kimia murmured as she was cutting the apple.

This was true. Many people were like that women on the market. They loved to gossip, to come up with rumors and spread them. Thomas guessed this way they were entertaining themselves.

“Anyway,” Thomas said. “Do you need anything else? The market will close soon but there is still time.”

Kimia shook her head.

“No, I don't need anything else, thank you. You saved me.”

“It's alright,” Thomas waves with hand. “I needed to go there anyway.”

She smiled at him. The plate she was preparing was finally ready. 

“It looks delicious,” Thomas said.

“Thank you,” she took a breath. “Now plead the Mistress will like it too.”

“She will love it,” he assured her.

Kimia nodded and with a straightened back left the kitchen.

•

“Come on,” Javad said. “When was the last time you had some fun, Katāyoun?”

Cordelia smiled politely.

“Maybe another night,” she said.

Javad turned to Alastair with a hopeful expression.

“Esfandiyār?”

“No,” Alastair said, not even bothering to sound polite. Cordelia shot him a sharp glance.

“Okay,” Javad said, trying to hide the disappointment in his face. “Another time maybe.”

“Or never,” Alastair murmured as he was far away from them.

“Alastair!” Cordelia whispered, furious. “You have to be polite. He is the son of the ambassador. It's not your regular annoying family member.”

Alastair looked away. 

His sister was right of course. This was a secular event. They were encouraged to talk with people around their age and make friendships.

Their mother and family would be happy if they become friends with some of the foreign guests. But another part of the family would blame them for doing it because of their foreign father. They would say they don't value the traditions and the family. 

They were never enough Esfandiyār and Katāyoun Jahanshah and always too much Alastair and Cordelia Carstairs.

Alastair and Cordelia have decided long ago they'll stay neutral. They will be polite enough and make a good impression but they'll not get too close with anyone.

“I need fresh air,” Alastair said and drank the rest of his glass, leaving it on the table. 

He left the room.

•

Thomas was anxious and tired of all the people around him.

After giving Kimia her apples he had a few more tasks to do. He took the tailor's fabrics from across the city, helped the library move some books and arranged the needed documents for the new project on the art for the newly builded wing to start. 

He wanted to be alone. 

The garden was empty. It always was when there was a party and today was the biggest for the month. Most servants were busy with it and the few ones who weren't - like Thomas - were out in the city, drinking and meeting with friends. The garden was his for a few hours.

He had a favorite place. An old gazebo with a soft sofa and fluffy cat that appeared from time to time.He couldn't miss it even in the dark. He made sure no one was coming here and he wouldn't accidentally come across some nobles having dinner. 

Thomas was exhausted. He went straight to the sofa and sat on it, letting his head fall back and closed his eyes. He sighed. It was a beautiful night. It was hot and windy, not getting you too warm or too cold.

“Um,” someone said. “Hello?”

Thomas jumped. Close to the gazebo stood a figure. In the dark Thomas couldn't see their feathers well but he recognized it was a man. He wasn't wearing a turban so Thomas guessed he's not one of the nobles at the party.

“Oh,” Thomas said. “Hi?”

“Can I sit here?” the man asked. “I need a little break from… well, everything.”

“Of course,” Thomas said. “Besides, the gazebo isn't mine so anyone can sit here.”

The stranger sat on the sofa next to him, with enough space for both to be comfortable.

“And I feel you,” Thomas said. “Today was exhausting. My head is spinning.”

They sat there for a while. The man took out a cigarette and flamed it on the small candle Thomas had put on the table.

“Care to tell?” he said quietly, breathing out smoke.

“Oh, you know,” Thomas rubbed his face with his hand. “The speech day is intense.”

“Yes,” he said. “I guess it is.”

Thomas' head fell back again, and looked at the gazebo’s roof. He smelled the sweet smoke from the cigarette.

“How long have you worked in the palace?” Thomas asked.

“Well,” he imagined him smiling. “It feels like a lifetime.”

Thomas laughed a little.

“What do you do?”

After a few seconds of silence, he hesitantly said, “I…”

“Don’t worry,” Thomas said. “If you ask me what I work I wouldn't be able to answer too.”

After this followed a silence, broken only by the wind’s song in their ears. The trees gently swayed, dancing to the breeze.

“I love nights like this,” the man said, quiet like a whisper.

Thomas smiled even though he couldn’t see him.

“Me too.”

The man suddenly stood up.

“I have to go,” he sounded intense.

“Wait!” Thomas stood up as well. He couldn’t see the man’s feathers in the dark. “What’s your name? I’m Thomas.”

The stranger stared at him for a while even though he probably couldn’t see Thomas either.

“My name is Jamshid.”

Then he left the gazebo, leaving only sweet smoke after himself.

•

Alastair was moving quietly through the corridors, hiding from any family member he could see. He didn’t want to explain why he was out so late and why he smelled like cigarettes.

He reached his room without accidents and tried to be quiet. He didn’t want to risk waking up anyone.

He lit a few candles and returned the cigarettes to their secret place. Alastair took off his shirt and put it next to his turban that was lying on the bed. He took a simple white cloth and put it on. 

Sat on the bed and sighed. 

His name was Thomas. He smiled and hid his month with a hand, even though there was no one to see him.

When he approached the gazebo he didn't notice anyone there. But as he got closer he saw something. A burning candle and a person sitting on a sofa.

When he said "hello" he didn't expect not to be recognized. He said it because he thought it was too late to back off.

But the man didn't shy away or start to stutter his name. He just said "hi" in response.

He knew Thomas didn't identify him. It was too dark. Alastair wouldn't recognize him by appearance either. But he was sure he could distinguish his voice. 

He went to sleep, a small smile on his face. He could get addicted to the feeling of not being a prince.

The next day was a torture. It was an endless series of meetings and smiling while greeting people he didn't care about.

Cordelia noticed his mood but didn't comment. She probably thought Alastair would tell her at some point.

He still wasn't ready to tell her. About Thomas. It was too new, too unknown, too fragile.

He barely could listen to the speech of his uncle about the productivity of the apple-involving food making. Cordelia was half asleep next to him. He tiptoed out of the room, moving close to the wall. He was weirdly excited. Like he was doing something forbidden. 

In reality it was probably a little rude and inappropriate but he never cared much about other people's opinion. His mother would kill him though.

It was dark. The garden wasn't too big but it still took time for Alastair to find the gazebo again. 

He slowed a little. Was Thomas going to be there? Was he just making a fool of himself by overreacting to a simple conversation?

“Jamshid?”

Alastair sighed in relief.

“It's me,” he said and walked the rest of the space to Thomas. He sat next to him on the sofa.

Alastair couldn't see his face properly. Like the last time the only light was the small candle. 

“I hoped you'll return here,” Thomas admitted. 

Alastair lit a cigarette on the candle and he leaned back. 

“Really?” his heart started to beat fast.

“Yeah,” he said. “When you want to be alone,” he added. “The only company that is bearable is another person who wants to be alone.”

“True,” Alastair smiled.

He wished to see his face. He knew that he could find him pretty easily if he asked. The foreigner servants in the palace weren't many.

But this wouldn't be fair, would it? 

Because he would know Thomas' face, but Thomas wouldn't know his.

No, no, he liked it that way. When both of them didn't know how the other looked. This way was better.

Alastair breathed out smoke.

He liked being nobody.

•

“His name is Jamshid,” Thomas sighed. “And he's awesome.”

Kimia rolled her eyes. 

“Do you know how many Jamshids there are in the palace? Dozens. Not to mention the city. He could be anyone.”

“He said he worked for a member of the royal family.”

“Yeah, because this narrows the circle so much.”

Thomas leaned on the wall while he was watching Kimia making salad.

“It's okay. I don't want to know who he is.”

Kimia glanced at him. 

“Why not?”

Thomas shrugged.

“It's... it's fine the way it is. I don't need to see his face to know I want to know him better.”

“Thomas!” someone shouted from the entrance of the kitchen. “It's time!”

“I have to go,” Thomas said and grabbed the fruits on the bag next to him. “Armin is here.”

“Don't forget the oranges for Banu later!”

“I won't!” he shouted back, already walking towards Armin.

Together they walked in the palace, searching for the right room where they should deliver the fruits.

Suddenly he grabbed Thomas' arm to stop him.

“Wait!” he sounded panicked. “Someone is coming.”

“So what?” Thomas said, confused.

“A royalty is coming! Just look at this crowd! No servant dresses this well.”

Not far away from them a few very well dressed people were coming indeed. They were surrounding someone, with two guards in front. 

Armin and Thomas stood next to the wall, waiting for them to pass. 

Thomas slightly raised his head, curious to see who was the royal. 

He's breath stopped as he met eyes with prince Alastair. He was watching directly at Thomas. Not even the two with Armin but Thomas. 

He was an incarnation of untouchable beauty. His face was expressionless. He was wearing red cloth with golden elements that were shining on the sun. He didn't have a turban on his head so his hair was free and curly. It was black like his eyes that were striking as lightning. 

The moment passed as fast as it came. The prince looked away from Thomas. 

After the price was left only the scent of the cigarette that one of his companions was smoking.

•

“No,” Thomas laughed. “You can't be serious!”

“I'm deadly serious,” Alastair said, smiling. Thomas couldn't see it though. “He straight up drank from the vodka and claimed it's water. Even though he barely could keep balance on his feet.”

“I can't,” he said, still laughing. “The nobles can be so fun.”

“Couldn't agree more,” Alastair said with a smile and drank from his cup of water. This time they brought water and a little food. It was suspiciously date-like. 

They were sitting close on the sofa. Closer than they have ever sat before. 

The night reminded Alastair of the first time they met here. There was a nice breeze, the trees were swinging.

“Is it…” Thomas hesitated. He slowly raised his hand and gently put it on Alastair's cheek. “Is this okay?”

Alastair's heart was going to explode. It was beating so loud that it muffled the thoughts in his head.

“It's more than okay,” Alastair whispered and leaned towards Thomas. They met in the middle. Their lips crushed, two storms smashed against each other. Thomas' hand was in Alastair's hair, his mouth tasting like melon.

It became messy very quickly. Someone's knee was between the other's legs, someone's hand under a shirt and fire that's burning everything. 

“Wait, wait,” Thomas said, his voice half a breath. 

“Yeah?” Alastair couldn't feel his lungs but this wasn't important. He was on the top of Thomas, Thomas' was half way through unbuttoning his shirt. 

“I can't,” he said, sounding as painfully disappointed as Alastair felt. “I have to get up after a few hours. I need to get some sleep before that.” 

Alastair rested his forehead on Thomas' chest.

“Okay,” he said, breathing hard. “You're right.” 

Took one last deep breath. He glued a kiss on his cheek and got off him, sitting back on the sofa. Thomas followed shortly, his breath uneven. 

“I have to go,” he said, like he was trying to convince himself. He looked at Alastair. He quickly leaned forward, grabbed Alastair's face in his hand and kissed him furiously.

“Okay, now I'm going,” he said and got up. 

Alastair grinned and watched him get lost in the dark.

•

“What is all this about?” Thomas frowned as Kimia was excitingly walking them both somewhere.

“Prince Alastair and princess Cordelia are looking for personal servants,” she whispered, her dark brown eyes shining. “There was a message for anyone who is interested to come into the hall at sunset.”

Exhilaration filled Thomas. This was an extremely rare opportunity. Most nobles, royals especially, were picky about servants and if he had a chance to work for a prince or princess… the possibilities in front of him would be endless.

“Why though?” he said.

“I'm not sure,” she admitted. “Something to do with their mother. There was an issue with a princess’ servant girl and she decided her children needed a few new ones. No complaints from me,” she grinned.

“I know only about Banu,” she said. “And a few handmaids that don’t like their current mistresses.”

Thomas shook his head with a smile.

“You included,” Thomas grinned. 

“Can you blame me!” she exclaimed. “This woman asked me to make her rich salad of apples! Only apples!”

Thomas couldn't help but laugh. 

“What does she expect, Thomas? To make apples that taste like chocolate and banana?

Thomas was still laughing a little when Kimia’s face paled. He turned in the direction she was looking at and something in his stomach dropped.

Prince Alastair was staring at them, only a few meters away. He was holding some papers in hands but seemed like he had forgotten about them. His eyes were sharp, big and pinned at Thomas.

“Your majesty?” a guard appeared next to him and the prince turned to him. “Princess Cordelia is waiting for you.”

Alastair nodded and with one last glance at them - at Thomas - he followed the guard.

“Dear gods,” Kimia whispered as they watched him disappear through the door. “What was that?” 

“I have no idea,” he said, still looking at the door.

“Do you think we will get in trouble?” she sounded worried.

“What?” Thomas looked at her. “No. We have done nothing wrong.”

“Yes but,” she said. “Some nobles like to mess with the servants for stuff like this. Laughing or talking.”

“The prince is not like that and you know it,” he shook his head. “He probably was startled or something.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, calmer now. “But why was he looking at you like that?”

“I don’t know,” Thomas said honestly.

•

“Thomas Lightwood?” 

Thomas turned his head and saw an official looking man standing next to him.

“Yes?” 

The man handed him a letter and the moment Thomas took it, he turned and left.

The letter was sealed with the royal seal. 

“Damn,” he whispered. 

His hands were shaking as he broke the seal. It was such a nice paper.

“Shit,” Kimia appeared next to him, drying her wet hands with a towel. “What does it say?!”

“I…” Thomas couldn't find his voice. “I'm hired!”

Kimia hugged him with a scream. Thomas hugged her too, smiling. Earlier the same day she has gotten a letter from princess Cordelia she is hired too.

“It also says to go to the prince immediately after I receive this letter.”

“He's not joking around,” Kimia grinned. “Now go! Go, go, go!”

Smiling ear to ear, Thomas left the kitchen. He quickly went to his room to leave the letter and change into some better clothes. He took a deep breath in front of the mirror. He wanted to do this job right.

He left his room and headed towards part of the palace he rarely went to. The royal chambers. He passed many servants and a few nobles but nobody paid him any attention. He was curiously looking around. 

As he approached prince Alastair's door he slowed. Nervously stood in front of it and finally knocked.

“Come in.”

Thomas frowned. This voice…

He opened the door and, looking at the floor, closed it after himself. He glanced quickly across the room. Everything in it was big. The bed in which at least three people could lay down without touching, a red sofa with a forgotten cup of tea on it, even a large tapestry with a scene Thomas didn't recognize.

“My mother made it,” the prince said, spotting Thomas looking at it. “It's a scene from Layla and Majnun. Her favorite story of all time.”

“It's beautiful,” Thomas smiled at it. He immediately got embarrassed. He shouldn't talk in the presence of a prince or princess without being allowed to. 

The prince coughed.

“It is,” he agreed. 

After a second when nothing moved or made a sound, the prince took a cigarette. He lit it on a candle next to his bed. Thomas was getting the weird feeling of something familiar he was seeing.

Almost immediately he sensed the smell. He could never confuse this sweetness.

“When you want to be alone,” the prince said. “The only company that is bearable is another person who wants to be alone.”

Thomas sharply raised his head. He looked at the prince who was watching Thomas in the face, still expressionless. 

This pose. This cigarette scent. This voice.

He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, not sure what but the only thing he managed, was:

“Jamshid,” he whispered.

•

Alastair watched his face as Thomas realized who he was. He saw the exact moment he came to the realization that Jamshid from the gazebo and prince Alastair are the same person.

His eyes expanded. His lips parted a little. His breath became heavier. 

“Jamshid,” he whispered.

Alastair nodded.

“Yeah,” he whispered in return.

“Oh gods,” he said and he ran a hand through his hair. He was trembling. 

“How…” he stopped.

Alastair felt sick in his stomach. One of the many, many reasons he didn’t want Thomas to find out who he was.

“You can speak freely,” he said weakly.

Thomas closed his eyes. 

“How long have you known who I am?” he asked bitterly.

“Since I saw you with that girl,” he said. “I recognized your laughter.”

Then Thomas looked at him. His eyes were brown and very big at that moment.

“I…” he stopped again.

“I didn’t want to find out who you are,” Alastair said desperately. He approached Thomas and stood in front of him. “I swear to all gods, I was not looking for you. I liked how we met, how we couldn’t see who the other is,” he swallowed. “For numerous reasons, believe me, I didn’t want  you to find out I’m a prince. At the gazebo… it didn’t matter. It wasn’t important what position we’re at. It didn’t need to be complicated because of titles, etiquette and similar bullshit. We could just… be.”

Alastair looked at Thomas. He looked to be in shock. Please say something, he thought. Please.

“I… was making out with a prince. In a garden.”

Alastair couldn’t help but grin. “You totally were.”

Thomas smiled at this. He also blushed a little. Alastair was glad he could see it because it was adorable.

“Damn,” he breathed out. “Damn. I had suspicions you’re some kind of noble but… I didn’t expect that much.”

Alastair laughed at this. He took Thomas’ hand in his and looked at them.

“I told you because I couldn’t go to the gazebo and pretend I don’t know anything. But I… I don’t want anything to change between us. I don’t want you to treat me differently because of my title,” he looked at him again. “One of my favorite things about our nights at the gazebo was that you treated me like a normal human being.”

Thomas was staring at him.

“Okay,” he said with a small smile. “I won’t.”

Then leaned forward and kissed him. Alastair made a surprised sound. But he quickly recovered from his puzzlement. He pressed Thomas against the door and returned the kiss furiously. Everything was on fire. Every part of his body that was touched by Thomas was hot, flames burning his skin. 

At some point they broke apart. Both of them were breathing hard, looking at each other’s eyes.

“You can’t imagine how relieved I am right now,” Alastair whispered.

Thomas smiled. “And you can’t imagine how happy I am right now,” after a second he added. “And a little shocked.”

Alastair laughed. Then kissed Thomas again.

Everything was burning and this time they didn’t need to stop the fire.

•

“What is he like?” Armin asked, curiosity burning in his eyes. 

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Leave me alone.”

“Come on! Prince Alastair is a very private guy. People would die for some gossip about him.”

“People have a whole royal family to talk about,” Thomas said. “You won’t get anything out of me.”

Armin frowned at him. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted.

“Hey!” Kimia shouted, appearing next to them. “Did you hear?”

“What is it?” Thomas asked with a smile. “The chef has made our favorite dish?”

Kimia shook her head with a grin. 

“Nope! Prince Alastair is getting married!”

Thomas’ smile vanished.

“What?”

•

“It’s not that bad,” Cordelia said.

“It fucking is.”

Alastair’s turban was on the floor. His shirt was half unbuttoned. His hair was a mess.

“Alas,” gently said Cordelia. “Mother just wants us to be happy. It is upsetting she arranged this without you. But you may like the girl. You have to at least-”

“Bullshit,” Alastair said, angry. “Mother just wants to marry one of us for political alliance.”

Cordelia sighed. “You’re right. But it isn’t like we weren't prepared.”

Alastair closed his eyes and heavily sat on the bed next to his sister.

“He’s never going to forgive me,” he whispered.

Cordelia frowned. “What?”

Alastair looked at her.

“I… I have a relationship with somebody,” her eyes dilated. “And he is a servant. He can never forgive me if I marry someone. I-” Alastair took a deep breath. “I should talk with him immediately.”

“Alastair, no,” Cordelia put a hand on his shoulder when he started to get up. “You, and probably him, are upset right now. Talk with him in the morning. When you can think straight.”

Alastair nodded. “Yes, you’re right,” he took one more deep breath. “In the morning.”

Cordelia stood up.

“And let me talk with mother about the marriage thing,” she said. “If she wants a political alliance she will get one.”

Alastair looked at her suspiciously.

“Layla...”

“I’ll take care of it,” she said at the door. “I promise.”

•

A quiet knock on the door.

“Come in,” Alastair said, his heart pounding in his chest.

Thomas entered the room. He looked awful. Like someone drained out the energy of his body.

“Thomas,” he immediately went to him and grabbed his hands. Thomas wouldn’t look him in the face. “Please, I can explain.”

He didn’t say anything and Alastair started talking. He explained what his mother did and that arranged marriage was a common practice but Alastair will not allow it.

After he was done a heavy silence washed over them.

“You know, you’re allowed to be mad at me.” Alastair said, his throat tight.

Thomas laughed. It was the most bitter laugh Alastair had ever heard from him. It made his heart break in his chest.

“I'm not mad Alastair,” Thomas said. He squeezed Alastair's hands. “It’s not your fault. I do understand. I… I know you're in a tough position. It's okay.”

Thomas' eyes were brown and sad, his skin so pale. There were dark circles under his eyes. 

“I don't want to be a burden to you. To be another person for you to worry about. The only thing I have ever wanted was to be… yours.”

“You’re one of the most important people in my life,” Alastair cried. “I will do everything to stop this. I promise.”

“What if you can’t?” Thomas’ voice broke. “What would happen with us then?”

Alastair straightened his back. He took Thomas’ face in his hands. Looked him straight in the eyes.

“Then we’d run away together.”

Thomas’ eyes became big.

“What?” he whispered.

“We’d run away together,” Alastair repeated. 

Thomas watched him a few more seconds without saying a word. A tear escaped his eye.

“We’re going to be fine,” Alastair whispered, wiping away the tear. “I promise.”

•

“Layla already talked with me, son,” Sona said. “She said you don’t want to marry and offered herself for this. She’s already engaged to James Herondale. Everything is settled.”

Alastair felt a bit guilty. His sister was going to marry to save him. But he knew she wouldn’t do something like that if it wasn’t also for herself. He just had to trust her that she knew what she’s doing.

“That’s… good to hear,” he said. “”But we still need to talk.”

Sona stopped fixing the roosari around her head and looked at him. 

“What is it,” she said. She had this specific tone she used when she’s serious. His mother didn't ask questions. She demanded answers.

Alastair took a breath. Looked her in the face.

“I’m in love with someone,” he said. His mother blinked. “And he’s a foreign servant.”

“Oh,” she seeked a deep breath. 

“And one more thing,” he said. “I do not want to marry. I don’t want to do it for political purposes or to please the family. In fact, I will not.”

His mother watched him for a while and shook her head.

“Son,” she sighed. “I’ll be honest. It will be very hard for you if you don’t do these. The family already doesn't like us and this will be another reason to do so. You’ll not be able to live a fully happy life with this poison,” she paused. “Maybe, if you’re sure about your lover, really sure, you should... travel somewhere else.”

Alastair blinked.

“Are you saying...”

“I’m saying,” Sona said slowly. “That perhaps for you would be best to travel. Far away from here. Somewhere the family wouldn’t find you. And while you travel, it’d be nice if you send me and Layla letters so we don’t worry. Am I clear?”

Alastair had to bite his lip to stop a smile.

“Crystal clear,” he said.

She smiled sweetly. “Glad to hear it.”

Alastair got out of the room. He had to talk with Thomas.

•

Not long after princess Katāyoun Jahanshah’s wedding, her brother disappeared. He left a note, signed, with the royal seal, not to search for him. He was going to travel the world, searching for his true self.

Rumors spread like a fire. Someone said it was because of a fight with his mother or sister. Other - that he hated being a prince. Another - to escape arranged marriage. The most popular one was that the prince had run away with his foreign servant lover.

This way was born the tale of prince Esfandiyār Jahanshah, also known as Alastair Carstairs, who found true love, who ran away with his lover and gave up his status for it without a second thought. The happily ever after for a prince who was no longer a prince, but had a happier life than most princes.

•

Words: 5 087

This is the longest one shot I have ever written. (I put the number of words here because I don't want to intimate people lmao)

Something I feel like I need to mention: this is Persia inspired world (key word - inspired) with mix of western elements and modern talking. I wanted to make it more Persia based but for two days I couldn't do my research properly 🤧 Also! My favorite thing in Thomastair fics is to put Farsi words of affection but I decided in here everyone talks the same language (including Thomas who is a foreigner) so I thought it wouldn't be inappropriate to throw Farsi words here and there since the language they speak is only one.

Please let me know what you think! It’s the first time I write AU that's not Modern.

[astriefer]

FINALLY

A.N. It became much longer than I intended, but I didn't want to rush things too much. I hope I made enough justice with the Characters. (It's really bad done but at least better than the summary I promise).I... am super embarrassed because of many things in the fic, one is that there are kisses and they are innocent but there are kisses and I'm just- 🙈

"

"Speaking of those little friends of yours, why don't you go vex them instead of myself?"  

Thomas sighed at his contempt. "I daresay you wish I were gone. But I am simply trying to offer a comforting shoulder."

Alastair, caught in his bad mood and temper, snorted inelegantly. "Why?"

Thomas was taken aback. He frowned. " I hoped I could help."

Alastair's eyes were hard. "And what makes you think I want your help?"

It was a justifiable question, and still, Thomas found himself hurt.

Alastair didn't want his help, he just said it aloud. All he has done is make a fool out of himself. He wasn't even sure Alastair considered them friends. Why would he be frank with Thomas? He wanted to crumble to dust.

"I don't appreciate being pitied." Alastair whipped, voice raging. His head was held up insolently. Thomas blinked at him in surprise. "And I certainly don't need your sorrow. So if all you want to do is to look at me woefully, just go away." 

"

Keep reading

[thomaslightwood]

👉👈 thomastair angst/fluff number 1 and 5 I love you

Hello anon, love you too 🥺

Unexpectedly, but I actually had fun writing it, although I was worried I can't combine the prompts properly 😅 I hope you enjoy this little drabble!

Send me prompt(s) + a ship and I will write something little for you!

PROMPTS: (#1 angst) “I’m leaving.” “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.” + (#5 fluff) “Home stopped being a place when you entered my life.”

•

Alastair shook his head.

“I can't,” he ran a hand through his hair. “I don't want to argue with you.”

“We're already arguing!” Thomas said. “Why is it so hard for you to have one dinner with me, Alastair? Even for an hour?”

“I can't take this anymore,” Alastair said, sounding tired. “I’m leaving.”

“Of course you are,” Thomas said bitterly. “That’s all you know how to do.”

At the moment the words left his mount, Thomas regretted it. He felt even more guilty seeing the pain that crossed Alastair's face.

“I-”

“Is this what you think of me?” Alastair said, his expression cold. “A guy who leaves people?”

“No, no, I...” Thomas sighed and he rubbed his face with one hand. “I'm just... hurt, okay? My boyfriend refused to even have dinner with me for the third time this week and just... ”

Thomas turned his face away. “Forget it.”

Guilt crossed Alastair's face. He took a step closer to Thomas.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I'm not avoiding you or something. But…” he nervously crossed hands. Sighed. “My last relationship didn't end up well. And when I saw you at the music club, and you asked me out, I didn't expect this to be anything serious. But we're moving so fast. Like it was with my last boyfriend. Whenever you smile at me is like the first time - my heart goes crazy. I thought… I thought if we slow down a little, if I back off a bit, that it would be… less scary,” Alastair signed again. “Now I realize this was a stupid idea.”

Thomas swallowed. He laughed. He didn't know why. “My god, Alastair.”

Alastair was staring at him unsure.

“Didn't you think you can just talk with me?” Thomas couldn't resist and smiled. “This is how a relationship works.”

Alastair shifted uncomfortably.

“You know,” Thomas said gentler. “It's perfectly okay to slow down. As much as you need. But you have to talk with me, okay?”

Alastair was staring at him with a strange expression.

“I got scared,” he said quietly. “Because it felt so right. Because when you entered my life home stopped being a place. Do you understand? It's scary to have these feelings for a person I have known only for a few weeks. You're such a good guy and I have no idea what to do with us.”

Thomas' heart missed a beat. “Alastair, I-” he said, or at least tried to. His heart was beating fast. “Why do you always know what to say and when? That's not fair.”

Alastair arched an eyebrow. “Says the songwriter in the room.”

Thomas blushed. “This is different!”

Alastair laughed. “Sure,” he said with sparkling eyes and a smile.

“Ok,” Thomas said, his face still hot. “But I'm still hungry,” he said, training to change the subject. “Let's order tacos. And this is not dinner. We're just, well, having tacos.”

Alastair raised eyebrows. “Are we?”

“Yes,” Thomas said confidently, while searching for his phone. “I will watch this gay film Elisa & Marcela Anna has been ranting me about for days and you just... are keeping me company.”

“Oh, yeah?” Alastair said with a small smile.

“Yeah,” Thoma finally found the phone. He hesitantly looked at it. He turned to Alastair. “Can you order them though?”

Alastair laughed out loud.

“Don't laugh! You know how much I hate phone calls!”

“Okay, okay,” Alastair grabbed the phone. “I will order us tacos,” he said, still smiling.

[thomaslightwood]

A Kind of Magic

Chapter seven: Friends will be friends

It's so easy now

'Cause you got friends you can trust

When you're in need of love they give you care and attention

Hold out your hand

'Cause friends will be friends

Right 'til the end

•  •  •  •  •  •  •

Soon after they entered Camberwell, Thomas smelled smoke.

Christopher and he were in a group with three more Shadowhunters. To kill an Ignis demon a few Shadowhunters were needed. One or two didn't stand a chance.

Thomas' bolas were in his hand. The whole group was armed, with weapons out. Somehow Thomas was feeling like it wouldn't be enough.

He exchanged a glance with Christopher. Everyone was tense but the two cousins were even more anxious. As far as Thomas was aware Anna, Cordelia, James and Matthew found information that Ignis demons had some connection with s warlock who used only fire magic. He had released dark, dangerous and old magic. And not only that but this warlock experimented with it. They weren't sure what happened but these demons were coming from somewhere, a Portal probably. And Christopher wanted to find this place and close it.

It was insane, Thomas thought. To find its source, they had to cross the whole Camberwell, to come at the end of it and to survive the place with most Ignis demons. Easy, right?

Thomas wanted to put more runes of Kit and himself. They put on each other earlier but it felt insufficient.

“When Ignis demon comes,” Christopher whispered to Thomas. “Cover me for a minute. I'll take a sample in seconds. Just cover me.”

Thomas sighed. “This is such a bad idea.”

“Thomas,” Christopher said tensely.

“Of course I will cover you, Kit. Just… be careful around the flames. Please. I can't let anything happen to you.”

He was also thinking how neither Anna nor uncle Gabriel could take it if Christopher got hurt. After aunt Cecily this would be too much.

Suddenly, the air filled with thick smoke. Heat hit them and Thomas squeezed his bolas so hard he felt pain. He pulled out a seraph blade and quietly whispered the first angel's name he could think of.

This was going to be a long night.

•  •  •  •  •  •  •

There were so many wounded, so many unmoving bodies around him.

People were screaming, running to the injured ones, trying desperately to save them, to keep them alive until the Silent Brothers came.

Thomas has done dozens iratzes tonight. His mind was dizzy. He almost couldn't believe what was happening, how the things went so wrong …

“Tom!”

Thomas turned to Christopher's voice. He was next to a man, trying to hold him still. Thomas finished the rune he was doing on one young girl and hurried to help his cousin. Together they managed to hold down the man so Kit could put a few runes on him. After that they both split, going to different injured Shadowhunters. But they couldn't do much. Not until the Silent Brothers come.

After what felt like hours, more Shadowhunters came. The situation was handled by the newcomers, letting the others take a breath. Together they walked to the Institute where a lot of the wounded were put.

Thomas took a deep breath, leaning against the wall. He was trembling. Through a fog he watched as more people were coming, worried about their close ones. He saw Matthew, his face white as sheet, as he was approaching Charles who was severely injured. Anna was hugging Christopher tightly. And James and Lucie who were looking around the room, probably for him.

Thomas felt sick. His stomach ached. He was short of breath. The crowded room, the screams of pain and the smell of burnt flesh were too much. He knew his friends would be worried about him but he was overwhelmed. He needed to get out of this room.

He stumbled toward the exit. He didn't even remember how he got in the room in the first place, Raziel. No one noticed him, everyone worried about their family.

Finally, he went out of the Institute. The cold air was refreshing. Light breeze. The very first sunlight. Thomas went in the shadows not far from the entrance and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes.

Good, he thought. Maybe he could cope after all.

Then he heard someone screaming his name. “Thomas!”

He blinked towards the one who was calling him… it was Alastair. He was walking, almost running, towards him, his face terrified.

“By the Angel, are you hurt?” he asked, sounding so worried that Thomas' heart ached.

Thomas shook his head. “No, no, I'm fine, I…” he was talking nonsense now. “Don't hug me, I'm sweaty, covered in blood and ashes, and…”

“Fuck that,” Alastair said and grabbed him in a tight hug. Thomas returned it with a sigh that suspiciously sounded like a sob.

Their arms were around each other, desperate to feel the other one was fine. Thomas buried his face in Alastair's neck. He shut his eyes and tried to empty his mind. Alastair was here and this was that was enough to give him comfort.

•  •  •  •  •  •  •

“Are sure you're fine?” Alastair murmured.

They were still hugging, unable to let go. 

“I…” Thomas just wanted to melt into Alastair's embrace, to listen to his voice and forget everything around them existed. He couldn't do that but Alastair was here - everything was going to be fine. “Yes. Yes, I'm…”

“What, in the name of Raziel, is happening?” a voice, only a few meters away, said. 

Alastair and Thomas got away from each other and Thomas immediately missed his touch. The warmness of his body and breath against his skin. His strong arms around his waist and neck. Thomas got embarrassed that someone witnessed such an intimate moment between Alastair and him.

He was going to tell the person to go away, an excuse already on his lips. Then he saw who was standing there.

It was Matthew. Matthew, with blood on his hands and worryingly pale face, was watching them with a strange expression.

“I…” but Thomas didn't know what to say. He knew Matthew wasn't going to judge him for the fact that he was with another man. No, but… he also knew his strong dislikeness of Alastair. His stomach clenched.

“What are you doing?” Matthew said, looking at Thomas. Like he was refusing to even give Alastair even a glance.

As Thomas was watching him, he could tell with absolute certainty that his friend already figured it out. The understanding of the nature of Thomas and Alastair relationship was in his eyes.

Thomas didn't say anything. It wasn't necessary.

“You… you two…” Matthew's face turned into a grimace. He shook his head. “No…”

He saw James and Christopher approaching them with confused  faces.

“Are you serious?” Matthew suddenly sounded angry. “Are you out of your mind, Thomas? From every person in London you choose him?” He started to yell now.

Alastair flinched. Thomas clenched his fists.

“From every Shadowhunter, mundane and Downworlder in this city, you choose the damn Alastair Carstairs?”

“Matthew…” James put a hand on his parabatai's shoulder but Matthew shaked him off. 

He continued to yell at Thomas. He was so upset. “How could you? With the person who bullied us in the Academy, who made James and my life's hell, who was saying those awful rumors…” His voice was trembling with anger, his whole body even. “Do you know what horrible things he said to me on our last day of the Academy? Do you know how-”

Thomas couldn't take this anymore. He made a step forward, hiding Alastair from his friends' eyes. 

“I do know, Matthew,” Thomas said, not realizing how angry he became. “I know because Alastair told me! He apologized to me. He is sorry and he feels terrible for acting like this in the Academy.”

“This doesn't excuse him!” Matthew exploded. “This doesn't change the fact how horrible he is, what person he is and-”

“Don't talk about him like that!” They both were yelling, probably attracting attention. Thomas couldn't care less. “And don't forget that after you, James and Christopher were expelled from the Academy, you left me there alone . My only and closest friends left me alone there and you know what? After this I spent a whole year in the Academy with Alastair and I did know him then, I do know him now and you don't have the damn right to talk about Alastair like you know a thing about him!”

Matthew and Thomas were breathing hard, looking at each other angrily and hurt by each other's words. 

Eventually Matthew turned around and stormed back into the Institute. Thomas thought he saw tears in his eyes.

Thomas just now noticed that Anna, Lucie and Cordelia were there too. He didn't know how they all would react but he was on the edge to break. This night, this horrible night, was too much already, but this? This terrified Thomas more than any demon. 

Most of his friends had stunned faces. They were surprised by the revelation of Thomas and Alastair's relationship, as well as his fight with Matthew.

Only Cordelia's eyes were watery and she was smiling a little. She was looking at Alastair. Then Anna's lips broke into a soft smile, with sparkling eyes.

“Oh dear cousin…”

James was going to say something but they were interrupted. An older Shadowhunter was yelling at them about the wounded, how they should get lost and how this was not the place or the time for chatting. 

They separated. Anna went after Matthew, Cordelia walked over to Alastair. Christopher - to Thomas. James seemed frantic looking at the Institute but went to Thomas too.

Alastair grabbed his hand and said quietly, “At the Battersea park, 12 p.m.” He seemed collected but his voice was hoarse and raw.

Thomas squeezed his arm in return and nodded, anxiety clenching his stomach. 

After that Alastair went to Cordelia and they disappeared into the chaos. Then Thomas turned to his friends. James, Lucie and Christopher.

James looked straight into Thomas' eyes. “Matthew has his reasons to dislike Alastair. But I am happy for you two, Tom. If Alastair makes you happy, I'm happy too.”

Lucie nodded, smiling softly at him. “We support you 100 percent, you big giant.”

“I'm not sure what is happening,” Christopher admitted. “But you're my brother, Thomas, as much as Anna is my sister. You both are amazing.”

Thomas' eyes filled with tears. Something broke inside him, probably his heart, but it was good. It was good and warm and beautiful. The four of them hugged, no one caring Thomas and Christopher were dirty, no one caring people were watching them, no one caring what someone else was thinking. It was perfect and imperfect in the most beautiful way.

After they separated, James went to see how Matthew was doing and Christopher went to talk to his father who had just arrived to see his son. But Lucie stayed.

“Let's go to your house,” she said. “You need a rest.”

Thomas agreed.

As they were walking on the almost empty street, Lucie said, “Actually, I must admit, I could tell something was happening with you two.”

Thomas shooted her a look and raised an eyebrow.

“I'm serious!” Lucie insisted. “Do you know Alastair came to the Institute to ask for you a few times? And you have these moments when you space out while we translate. I did know something was up.”

Thomas smiled and just shook his head. For the first time in his life he felt grateful that he was with someone who filled the silence.

He realized Lucie had stopped talking for a minute. “What is it?”

She seemed serious. Lucie Herondale was rarely serious so Thomas immediately got worried.

She sighed. “Please, just don't be too angry at Matthew.” Thomas didn't say anything so Lucie continued. “Even before his fight with you, he was shaken. Right before seeing you and Alastair he was with Charles, who is dying.”

Thomas took a sharp breath. “Charles is-”

“Not yet,” Lucie said with a tense voice. “But his condition is… not good. At all.”

“Oh Luce,” Thomas sighed and gently put a hand around her shoulders. She leaned into him without saying anything else. They continued to walk in silence.

•  •  •  •  •  •  •

After a few hours, when Thomas was tested and clean, Anna came to see him.

He heard all the news from her. The sample Christopher took from the Ignis demon helped them a lot. They found the fire warlock who somehow was responsible for these demons.

“What about James, Cordelia and Lucie? I doubt they will just sit around doing nothing when we have this information,” Thomas said.

Anna looked at him with an unusual sad expression. “Because of Matthew.”

Thomas' breath stopped. No matter their fight, no matter Matthew's words, if something happened to him…

“He is fine. At least physically,” Anna lighted a cigarette and inhaled. With still expression she said, “But Charles died from his wounds last night.”

•  •  •  •  •  •  •

A/N: This is something I wait to write since I started this fic :D So here you go with this bittersweet chapter 🥰 And I know you waited... a lot... so accept this as New Year gift!

(Also, I'm kind of nerves because after this chapter, I have to write one more and then the Epilogue 😳 It's scary this thing to come to end, huh)

And a bit random but - special thanks to @666-notsatan ☺️ While reading her Thomastair fic I got inspired to write this chapter. Seriously, I was slapped in the face with inspiration and motivation - I wrote 90% of this for two and half hours in the middle of the night. I have no regrets.

[thomaslightwood]

A Kind of Magic

Chapter six: Gimme the prize

Now you die.

I have something to say: It's better to burn out than to fade away.

There can be only one.

Just gimme the prize.

•  •  •  •  •  •

Alastair watched how Thomas carefully held one of his spears. It was the one inlaid with golden designs of dragons, kylins, and birds.

Alastair almost didn't move while Thomas was looking at his collection. He had a feeling that this is some sort of test for Thomas' approval. Which, of course, was ridiculous. Thomas would not judge him, much less by his spears. And even if he did, his collection was large and with all kinds of spears.

But it was one of his very few hobbies. Something he did for years and that was close to his heart. He wanted Thomas to like it.

“They're incredible,” Thomas said quietly without taking his eyes off the spear in his hands. “I have never seen more beautiful weapons.”

Alastair didn't know how to answer this. He wasn't used people to say kind things to him.

But he felt how his chest was filling up with pride and warm feeling that left him breathless.

“I never leave the house without my spears,” he said only.

Thomas smiled a little. And Alastair found himself staring again. Thomas' smile did things to him.

“I have never thought,” Thomas said as he put the spear back in its place. “That I would be in your room.”

Alastair hid his smile.

“And I have never thought you would be in my room either.” After a moment of silence, he added “But I like it.”

Thomas looked at him with sparkles in his eyes and a smile.

“What are we going to do now?” he asked. "We have time before patrolling.”

“What do you want to do?” Alastair answered playfully. Raziel, he didn't know what was happening with him. But around Thomas he always was feeling brave. He was feeling like… he is allowed to be himself.

Thomas laughed. “Is this a game to you?”

“No,” Alastair said seriously. “Definitely not.” Thomas was anything but a game to him. Actually, Alastair was beginning to worry how important his relationship with Thomas became to him.

Thomas wasn't smiling anymore. He was looking right into Alastair's eyes. He gently held Alastair's face in his big hands and leaned his forehead against his, without breaking the eye contact.

“I know,” Thomas whispered. “And… thank you for it. You are amazing.”

Alastair could feel how his heart was breaking in his chest but it was good. It was good and warm and right because it was Thomas Lightwood doing it.

Thomas bent down a little bit, like he was going to kiss Alastair but didn't after all. If Alastair didn't know him better he would have thought that Thomas is unsure but this wasn't the case.

Alastair had noticed a few things about him. Like how he liked being kissed and often was letting Alastair to intent the kiss. Or how he liked to play with Alastair's hair (he even was considering to let it grow longer for Thomas). Or his face when he talked about his family and his childhood (he rarely did it). Or how he very carefully listened to Alastair when he talked about his childhood (which was even more rarely).

He crushed his lips in Thomas' while thinking about all this and more. About his smile that he was kissing now. About his broad shoulders which he now was using to push Thomas on the bed.

Alastair thought of the fire that Thomas ignited in him. He wanted nothing more than to be burned by it.

What got him out of this trans was one moment of hesitation. One little, almost uncatchable moment of unsureness, that made Alastair stop.

If he didn't know Thomas that well he would think it was only on his head.

“What's wrong?” he murmured. “Thomas?”

“I...”

Alastair stopped moving. They were lying on his bed, Thomas under him, both flushed and out of breath. Thomas' one hand was on Alastair's waist, and the other - in his hair. But there was tension on his face that he didn't like.

Alastair's hand was beside Thomas' head while the other low on his stomach. Alastair pulled back and whispered, “It's alright.”

He rolled over on his back beside Thomas and said, “Do you want to hear about Morocco?”

He felt how Thomas' body relaxed. “Yes,” he said. Alastair could hear the smile on his lips. “I would love to.”

-

If there was something more impossible than this scene, Alastair wouldn't believe it. Because here he was, with Thomas Lightwood in his bedroom and he was laughing like when he and Cordelia were children.

It was unbelievable but so much alive that Alastair could touch it. His impossible truth. The relationship he had with Charles seemed so insignificant now. When Alastair was with him, he was always worried and anxious, unsure what to do. When he was with Thomas, he was feeling like he could fly.

When their laugh faded, Thomas said, “Adelbaram,” Alastair's heart always skipped a beat when Thomas call him that. He hoped he would never get used to it. “I want to ask you something for a while.”

“What is it?” Alastair said.

“Well,” Thomas began. He hesitated for a moment. “It's about Matthew.”

Alastair frowned. He remembered the days at the Academy and he filled with anxiety. He didn't like to think about this time. There were too much things to regret.

Alastair didn't say anything. Just waited for Thomas to continue.

“He… he mentioned that you have said something to him. The day he, James and Christopher left the Academy. What it was?”

Alastair closed his eyes for a moment. He was so angry back then. Full with pain and hate he wanted everyone to experience.

“Alastair?”

He looked at Thomas. He wanted to say that he didn't remember or it was nothing important but he couldn't. His hazel eyes were looking at him and expected the truth. Alastair couldn't, didn't want to, lie to him. Thomas was the truest thing in his life and he wouldn't let it be lost in lies.

So Alastair told him. He repeated everything he said to Matthew Fairchild that day. He told him everything else he said about the Merry Thieves in the Academy and how sorry he was for it.

Alastair apologized to Thomas. He felt shame thinking about these days. It was killing him. He owed the rest of the boys apology too.

In the end, there was silence. Alastair was feeling like he was drowning in it.

“Thomas, please,” he said. “Say something.”

Thomas slowly looked at him. There was… shock. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something but didn't. He looked away.

“I… I need to think about it,” he finally said and got up from the bed they still was lying on. Thomas left like he was in a trans. Alastair heard him getting down on the steps. Opening the front door. And closing it.

It was a pain worse than any spear.

•  •  •  •  •  •

The next day Alastair received a letter for an emergency meeting of the Enclave in the Institute.

Alastair washed his face with cold water, dressed up, grabbed a few spears and left the house.

When he arrived he was surprised to see so many people already there. What was strange though was that part of them talked to each other, visibly worried, while other part just stood with stone faces.

Alastair saw Augustus Pounceby and approached him.

“What's going no here?” he asked him.

Pounceby shook his head.

“You wouldn't believe it. I heard it this morning from my father. It's about Charles Fairchild.”

Alastair frowned.

“He organized a special group to hunt the Ignis demons. A group which members are only relatives to injured Shadowhunters.”

Alastair took a sharp breath. “By the Angel.”

“There is more,” Pounceby said. “The list with the members is already done. It's not allowed to join anymore.”

Alastair thought about Thomas. Thomas who probably was still hurt. Who had an injured relative.

“Is… is there any paper with the members?”

Pounceby frowned. “I don't know. Probably Charles knows them all.”

Alastair didn't want to ask him. He tried again.

“Did you know who joined?”

“Not all but,” Pounceby said. “I heard a few names. I know Catherine Townsend joined in the last moment because her father was injured during his patrol tonight.”

“Is there…” Alastair wasn't sure he has it in himself to ask. He didn't want to know the answer if it was yes. “Is there any Lightwoods?”

Pounceby frowned like he was trying to remember. “Yes, I think so. Christopher and Thomas Lightwood.”

This words felt like kick in the stomach.

Alastair fast looked around, trying to see if Thomas was in the crowd. He needed to talk to him immediately.

The meeting was starting already. The Shadowhunters were moving. But no matter how hard Alastair looked, Thomas wasn't here.

-

The special group of Charles was going in Camberwell tonight. The place where the Ignis demons attack started. The most dangerous place in London at the moment.

Alastair wanted to scream. He needed to talk with Thomas right now. He would never forgive himself if something happened to Thomas.

Alastair knocked at the opened door as he entered. “Hello?”

Lucie Herondale raised her head from what she was writing and looked at him. She was surprised to see him. It was strange, really. This was his sister's parabatai, a sixteen years old girl he barely spoke with.

“Oh, hello,” she said. “The Enclave meeting is already over. If you want to speak with my father…”

“No, no. I… I came to speak with you.”

Lucie arched her eyebrows. “Oh, well. What's the matter then?”

“Do you know where I can find Thomas?”

Something flashed in her eyes. “Sorry, I'm not sure where he is at the moment,” she said. “We have appointment after a few hours. Then he goes with Charles group to patrol,” she frowned a little as she mentioned the group. Alastair could see the she didn't approve. And was worried.

Alastair thanked her and left. He wanted just to wait in front of the Institute for Thomas but his mother and sister were waiting for him in the carriage.

They were talking something about the Ignis demons and London but Alastair couldn't bring himself to care. He dug fingernails into his palm. This pain was easier to bear than the anxious feeling in his stomach.

•  •  •  •  •  •

Alastair went to patrol early. There were still sunlight.

His place for tonight was Lambeth. He should wait for two more Shadowhunters to patrol with but instead he went to the border of Camberwell. At the street he heard the special group was going to gathering.

As he approached, he saw them. Around twenty Shadowhunters, most of them young, waiting to face the death. Alastair searched the crowd for Thomas. Most of them were drawing runes on each other or checking their weapons. Finally he spotted Thomas, a little aside from everyone else.

Thomas doesn't like crowds, crossed his mind.

As Alastair started walking toward them, he saw that Thomas was talking with someone. Christopher Lightwood. It seemed like they're arguing. Thomas was saying something while his cousin was shaking his head.

As he got closer, he heard them:

“...seriously do this? Kit, this so dangerous, we can't just…”

“You heard what Anna said,” interrupted Christopher. “About that warlock. If we never get close to a Ignis demon, we would never…”

“Excuse me,” Alastair said. He felt embarrassed but the last thing he wanted was to overhear their conversation.

Thomas turned to him, his eyes expanded a little as he saw Alastair.

“Thomas, can I speak with you? In private,” Alastair asked. He felt unsure now, tense, in the face of Thomas.

But then he nodded and turned to Christopher one more time. “Think about what I said. Please.”

Then Thomas and Alastair was left alone. Alastair took a deep breath.

“Thomas, listen, I know I did bad things and I…”

“Alastair, stop,” Thomas said. He closed eyes and sighed. Opened them. “Please stop.”

Alastair waited. He was drowning.

“I thought about this a lot,” Thomas continued. “I was upset at the beginning. These rumors cased my family a lot of pain. Matthew's as well. James was suffering at the Academy too. I was angry that back then you… repeated this awful words,” Thomas paused. Alastair couldn't breathe. “But… but knowing you now, seeing how sorry you are… That you realize how hurtful it was and… and knowing things about you I didn't know back then... I can't really be angry at you for long. I forgive you. I don't know about Matthew or James but I forgive you.”

Before Alastair could say something or melt from relief, a voice interrupted them.

“The sunset came,” someone shouted. “It's time to go!”

Thomas anxiously looked at the person who said it. “I need to go.”

“Wait!” Alastair grabbed Thomas for the arm before he could turn around. “Why you joined this group then? We both know it's stupid and too dangerous. You don't do things like this.”

Thomas' face turned sad. “To look after Christopher. The rest wanted to join too, for him, but there wasn't enough time…”

“It's time to enter Camberwell!”

“I really need to go.”

Alastair squeezed his arm. Looked right into Thomas beautiful brown eyes.

“Noore cheshmam,” he said quietly, almost whispered so no one but Thomas to hear. “Zen'har. Khahesh.”

Thomas' face softened. “Alastair, azeez…”

“Come on everyone!”

Thomas eyes was warm. He whispered, “I promise that I will come back.”

Then he gently removed Alastair's hand from his and went to the rest of the group.

Thomas looked back at him. Their eyes crossed. One last glance between lovers, before one of them disappeared.

Alastair stood there for a long time, even when he couldn't see Thomas anymore.

•  •  •  •  •  •

Dictionary

adelbaram - the thief of my heart noore cheshmam - the light of my eyes zen'har - take care, be carful khahesh - please azeez - darling, dear, sweetheart

You can look at the London's map to get a better idea of ​​the mentioned places.

[thomaslightwood]

In Henry's laboratory || One shot

This one shot is inspired by THIS beautiful art by @lariablog 💖

This fic is @jb-lh's idea. Thank you for it 😄

Words: 994

This is the scene in ChoG where Thomas and Alastair make the antidote in Henry's lab that we deserved but weren't given. So here it is my version ☺️ From Alastair's POV

•

“Do you really think this antidote will work?” Alastair asked.

“I know it will.”

Alastair held Thomas’s gaze for a long moment. He was in awe how much faith Thomas had in his cousin. To be so sure about someone to be ready to put lives in their hands. Alastair couldn't imagine what this feeling was. In all his life he was the protector, not the one who needed protection. “And how long will it take to make it?”

“Twenty minutes, if everything goes right.” Thomas said.

Alastair exhaled. “All right,” he said. “Twenty minutes it is. After that, I’m going to find Cordelia.”

At Thomas’s puzzled look, he gestured impatiently toward the steps that went down to the laboratory. “I’ll help you,” he said. “Let’s get to work.”

•

“What do you need?” Alastair asked as they entered Henry's laboratory.

“Don't worry,” Thomas said, already taking some test tubes from the shelf. “I know where is everything.”

He doesn't really need my help, Alastair thought. And by the way Thomas carefully put all ingredients on the table it was clear there was no real danger to burn the house.

Alastair sat on the chair anyway, watching him.

It was fascinating. Thomas was very focused on making the antidote. There was a little frown on his forehead. His hazel eyes were looking only at the phial in front of him. A little covered by his shirt was calm anger rune on his right arm. On his left one he could see only nourishment rune. But when Thomas reached out to take some purple liquid Alastair saw his rose compass tattoo.

Alastair remembered the look on his face when he said he is sorry for his sister. Alastair couldn't imagine what would be like to lose Cordelia. It was unthinkable. Alastair really hoped the runes was helping Thomas.

While he measured the exact proportions to add something in the mixture, Alastair quietly asked “Are you sure you remember everything? It can't be something easy.”

“Well,” Thomas answered, without taking his eyes off the bottle in front of him. “I have a good memory. And I was with Kit all the time while he was working out the formula for the antidote.”

Alastair didn't reply. He was actually sure Thomas could do it right but for an inexplicable reason he wanted Thomas to talk more. He liked his voice.

Alastair looked at some papers at the table because he had stop to stare at Thomas all the time. They were probably Henry's because they were notes about the wheels of his cart.

“So,” Alastair said casually. “Do you have understanding with same lady?”

Thomas eyed him surprised.

“I… No, I do not.”

“Are you sure?” Alastair couldn't understand why he insisted. It was stupid. And still, he had trouble shutting up his mouth. “Because I heard you're very popular around here. I'm sure many girls have shown interest in you.”

“I…”

“So there is no need to hide if there is actually someone,” Alastair was staring at the design of the wheel stubbornly. ”No one would be surprised.”

He heard how Thomas moved, probably to take more ingredients. After a while he replied “There is probably ladies that have interest in me but I have no such intention towards them. I have no interest in any woman.”

Alastair's heart skipped a bit.

“So far, I suppose,” Thomas added unsure. “Why do you ask though?”

Alastair couldn't answer this. He didn't know himself.

“I'm just curious.” He said neutral after all.

Thomas eyed him.

“Oh, really?” He asked with a little smile. “If you have such an interest in my love life you could just…”

“I do not have an interest, Lightwood,” Alastair interrupted sharply. “I'm just trying to make a conversation.”

Thomas went quite.

Damn, Alastair thought and squeezed the list in his hand.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “This was unfair to ask about your private business and then to act like this. I'm sorry.”

Alastair looked at him and Thomas smiled at him softly.

“It's fine. We all are a little tense lately. You're forgiven.”

But you're the one who lost his sister and still manage to behave, Alastair thought. Thomas was too kind.

Thomas poured some liquid into the mixture. There was a quite hiss. “Now we have to wait a few minutes to dissolve. It's almost done.”

Alastair nodded. Thomas carefully started to put everything back in its place.

Alastair remembered Thomas in the Academy. Small, little boy who admired him and followed Alastair like a puppy. Now he was taller and bigger but he was shy as always. His smile was the same too.

Thomas checked his work minutely and time to time added some plant to the mixture. He so attentively did all this. Alastair remembered that after all his sister Barbara was dead because of the infection. Christopher was also affected. Thomas probably desperately wanted no one to become victim of it again. When he reached to move away hair from his eyes Alastair saw the rose compass again.

“You know,” Alastair said suddenly. “I wondered if you really did make the tattoo.”

“Oh,” Thomas eyed him. “I was uncertain. But was thinking about it for a long time and… I really wanted it. It was important to me.”

Alastair didn't ask what was the meaning behind it. He really wanted to. But in the last moment he stopped himself. It was clear this was something very personal to Thomas. He even didn't show it to his friends until Alastair asked to see it too. Thomas wouldn't tell what it means, especially to Alastair.

“It's beautiful,” he said quietly.

Thomas smiled. Alastair heart jumped. “Thank you.”

Thomas kept adding to the mixture from the plant until the colour was darker. He attentively stirred it.

“That's it,” he said after a while.

“Really?” Alastair raised an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Thomas said with a sigh.

Alastair rose. “Let's go then.”

•

[thomaslightwood]

Light || Thomastair one shot

@cartwrightsgrace Iz, this is special gift for you because I'm still very hurt by this. And no, I'm not gonna go over it.

Warning: it's sad.

Go check the dictionary in the end if you want

Please excuse my bad english.

And please, ignore it's a trash, thank you

Words: 1 357

Enjoy

•

The night was cold. He could feel it through his clothes, skin and muscles, right into his bones.

The only warm thing on this planet was the body in his hands that was dying.

“Please,” Alastair whispered. “Please, don't leave me.”

It was so cold. So cold that Alastair couldn't feel his fingers or legs. But his heart was save and warm in his chest, breaking in thousands, millions pieces. It wouldn't matter though. Because Thomas was in his arms, his belly torn apart and by the Angel there was so much blood and Thomas was Alastair's life. And he was dying.

Thomas looked at him, barely able to keep his eyes open. His beautiful, hazel eyes. They were so warm. So beautiful. Thomas was so beautiful.

“Adelbaram,” he murmured softly. “The thief of my heart. You…” Thomas groaned from pain.

There was so much blood, Raziel, so much.

“Thomas,” Alastair desperately said his name. “Thomas, please, stay with me, by the Angel.”

Thomas looked at him again.

“Alas,” he breathed. “I… I love you.”

“No!” Alastair closed his eyes to stop the tears. “No! Don't. They will find us soon. The Silent Brothers will heal you and you will be fine and then you can tell me whatever you want.”

When he looked at Thomas again he saw tears. He didn't know it was possible but his heart was broken again. One piece of it was destroyed with every Thomas' tear.

“Alastair,” he choked. “Alastair. You're so beautiful. You were amazing. You… you're the thief of my heart,” he smiled. “You have always been.”

“Please,” Alastair cried. “The light of my eyes, my jan, don't. Thomas, please.”

Thomas was crying. His face was covered in blood and tears. This sign was so unbearable that Alastair hugged him even tighter, Thomas' face in his neck. Alastair could feel his insteady breath.

“You shall be fine,” Alastair said with closed eyes. Tears escaped down his cheeks. He couldn't stop them anymore. “You shall be fine, noore cheshmam,” Alastair wailed. “I can't live without you. Without you nothing of me matters. You're my heart, my will to move, my jan. Please. Thomas, please.”

Thomas sobbed. “Thank you. Thank you for loving me, for every kiss and hug, for every gentle word. They mean the world,” he barely take a breath. “You mean the world. You… you are everything, Alastair Carstairs,” he sighed. “You are light.”

The day too.

The night was cold.

The sun.

The sunlight.

Everything was cold. 

Alastair felt it in his soul.

When they found them, Alastair didn't notice it. He wished he could stop the time around them. This way he could die with his Thomas.

He shouldn't be so cold. It was wrong. Someone with so much love in himself never should be that cold. And here they were.

Alastair closed his eyes.

•

Thomas wanted to tell him that he is loved him. He repeated it so many times already but Alastair couldn't hear him. No one did. 

He followed him into the room of his mother. Alastair looked tired. Aged. There was this wrinkles in the corner of his eyes and mouth that seemed to never disappear. His jaw was tight. Hands always in gloves. Thomas wanted to hug him, to hold him until he was better. But he would never be able to do it again.

“Alastair,” he whimpered. “Alastair, please. Hear me. Hear me, see me!”

Nothing. 

Thomas felt useless. The one he loved the most was in pain and Thomas couldn't help him. 

Sona passed away soon after the baby was born. So soon she couldn't name her son.

When Thomas saw Alastair's expression he wanted to scream. And he did. There wasn't anyone who could hear him. 

Alastair named the baby because Cordelia was in England and there wasn't anyone other from the family.

When Thomas heard the baby's name he felt like crying.

It was Majnun Thomas Carstairs.

•

Sometimes Thomas thought about his family. His friends. Alastair never returned in London so Thomas never saw them again.

But he missed them. Sometimes was ready to get back in London to see his sisters' weddings or James and Cordelia's son. Simply to watch Christopher doing his experiments or the Merry Thieves' room in Devil Tavern.

But then he looked at Alastair, adelbaram, and these thoughts just disappeared. 

He couldn't leave him alone. Never. Never ever.

•

Thomas was looking at Alastair's red coat through the ballroom. Now he was in his thirties. With more scars, more wounds.

“Hey kid,” someone asked.

Thomas turned to the other ghost. It was a woman in her late forthies. Her black dress was covered in blood.

“Who are you?” she asked curiously. “I haven't see you here before.”

“I'm nobody,” Thomas said simply. “And don't worry about me. I'm not here for long.”

“Oh,” her expression turned soft. “You're sad soul, aren't you?”

Thomas didn't reply. He didn't has it in himself to do it.

“Why do you chose to stay though? I can see ghost life isn't for you.”

“I didn't choose to stay here just for itself,” he said, feeling sudden pain.

“Then why are you here?”

In the following silence Thomas looked at Alastair. He could see gray in his hair.

“Because the one I love begged me to stay.” he whispered. “I couldn't leave him alone.”

•

It was painful to watch Alastair with so much gray in his hair. To watch him grow old while Thomas was forever a boy.

Thomas whished so many times Alastair to find someone else. To be happy with him. But for years Alastair lived only with Majnun in Devon. And after Majnun brought his own house in Paris Alastair lived alone. Well, Thomas was with him of course. But Alastair didn't know, Thomas thought with pain. He was so lonely. He thought that he was alone but that wasn't true. Thomas was always by his side.

Every year, on the day Thomas died, Alastair went to that bookstore in Paris where they meet at their travel year. Where everything began. Even when it was closed, he still came to the same place and spend a few hours there.

Every time Thomas felt so heartbroken that he thought it couldn't be worse. But he was wrong.

Every year it became harder and harder. He wanted to hug him, to touch him, to kiss him. He wanted to make him feel loved. But he could never ever do it again.

•

For so many years he talked to Alastair, telling him he loved him and that everything was gonna be alright. 

But now, Thomas was looking at his fully gray hair, the wrinkles all over his face and thought… it wasn't fine. Nothing was fine anymore. It never has been.

Alastair distances himself from people who loved him, accepting the solitude. He wanted the solitude. Because he was grieving. He grieved all his life, all these years. Thomas wanted Alastair to stop, even to forget him if it was need, and to be with someone who loved him. Thomas always had the hope, deep in his heart, that Alastair was going to find happiness again.

But now, after so many years, Alastair closed his eyes. And didn't open them anymore. 

•

Thomas was above suffering. In his being was left only sorrow.

It was like breathing. Unable to be escaped or stopped even for while.

For so many years he talked to Alastair, no matter no one could hear him, because he felt like he was losing his mind. His sanity was the only thing that death didn't stole from him.

Now he realized it was pointless. Absolutely, unbelievably pointless. Because in the end he was alone. He was far, far away. Alastair wasn't there to hug him anymore. No one was.

Every little thing he could remember about his short time with Alastair when he was alive, was hurting. It was pure pain to watch him grow old and die. But those precious memories were a killer. He was already dead but he felt like dying.

Thomas wanted his the thief of his heart so much.

He closed his eyes, hoping the light would show him the way home.

•

Dictionary

jan - life

adelbaram - the thief of my heart

noore cheshmam - the light of my eyes

Thank you for reading.

[thomaslightwood]

Masterlist

In Ao3

A Kind of Magic (wip)

Chapter one: One Vision

Chapter two: Don't lose your head

Chapter three: Pain is so close to pleasure

Chapter four: Who wants to live forever

Chapter five: One year of love

Chapter six: Gimme the prize

One Shots

Light || Thomastair

I do not love you || Thomastair

In Henry's laboratory || Thomastair

Tenderness || Anna x Grace

A love letter from Ariadne to Anna

Beautiful hair || Jordelia

Alone || Grace Blackthorn

Braver || Thomas Lightwood (with a special guest Magnus Bane) one shot

[thomaslightwood]

Y'all, I think I finally started to get out of my writing block 😩 And I'm even almost ready, almost satisfied with the first draft of the chapter six of AKOM, then the editing is gonna start.

To celebrate it, here is a little snippet not that anyone care but I still wanna:

“They're incredible,” Thomas said quietly without taking his eyes off the spear in his hands. “I have never seen more beautiful weapons.”

Alastair didn't know how to answer. He wasn't used people to say kind things to him.

But his chest was filling up with pride and warm feeling that left him breathless.

“I never leave the house without my spears,” he said only.

Thomas smiled a little. And Alastair found himself staring again. Thomas' smile did things to him.

[thomaslightwood]

A Kind of Magic

Chapter one: One Vision

A dream of sweet illusion:

A glimpse of hope and unity,

And visions of one sweet union.

(recommend, but not necessary to read/hear the song)

•

In this moment Thomas had one goal and that was to make it to the Devil Tavern. As fast as possible.

It wasn’t because he was running from something but because he needed to be alone. This was the closest place he could think of where he could be alone for now. He knew that James and Matthew were training together in the Institute and Christopher was with Henry doing their new experiment with that ichor. So their room should be empty, right?

When he entered the establishment he barely looked at the people there. He smiled at Polly and nodded at a few other Downworlders but didn’t stop to chat like usual. 

Thomas tramped upstairs to their room, wanting air. He opened some of the old windows and looked at Fleet Street. It was almost lunch. He had to meet with Lucie soon. 

By the Angel, Thomas had to calm down and to put himself together. He couldn’t do anything in his current state. He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. 

The problem was one particular person. One person with sharp tongue, fair hair and black eyes. His face was in front of Tom’s sight. This one vision he just couldn’t escape. 

The Carstairs arrival shouldn’t have been be surprising. At all. It was common knowledge that Lucie and Cordelia are gonna be parabatai. He just hadn’t thought about it much. Because thinking about the Carstairs means thinking about Alastair. And this always reminded him of Paris. And how confused he was after that. Thomas still was confused. Just less then before. 

Love is confusing, Thomas thought. And strange. Like some spell on you which makes you dizzy. Some dark magic that stretches your heart with killing hope. 

Yes, this had to be. A kind of magic. 

• 

When Thomas finally arrived at the Institute Lucie was already waiting for him in the emty ballroom. Many books and papers were in the big table which they usually used when they’re here.

“Sorry for being late” said Thomas guiltily. 

Lucie just smiled at him, clearly in a good mood. 

“Don’t worry. I’m not in hurry.”

Thomas pulled a chair to sit, facing Lucie. “You said you need help with a translation?”

“That’s right,” she said excitedly. Lucie bring in front of him few papers which he knew were drafts of Lucie’s tales. She liked this paper and used it to write on.

“So, you know about the Carstairs arrival, right?”

Thomas managed to nod. His heart was beating fast. “Anna told me about an hour ago.”

Lucie smiled happily. “I heard about it today as well. And wanted to do something special for Daisy.” Lucie took a few other papers and two books. Dictionaries, Thomas realized. “And I came up with this: to translate The Beautiful Cordelia in Persian.” 

Thomas raised eyebrows, distracted from his thoughts of Alastair for a moment.

“Luce, you have been writing it since you were twelve. To translate it all… it would take weeks. Months.”

“I know,” she sighed. “Four years writing. I know there no chance to do it before their arrival. But I thought it may be ready for our parabatai ceremony.” Lucie looked at all the paper on the table and smiled hopefully at him. “However, that’s why I wanted your help, Tom. With you beside me it would be so much faster! So… Will you help?” asked Lucie, pleading.

“Of course Luce!” said Thomas without hesitation. “No need to ask. But do you know when will be your ceremony?”

“No idea” said Lucie honestly. “But I believe we can choose the date. I will convince Cordelia to be in a time after we are ready.”

“You thought about everything, didn’t you?” Thomas smiled.

Lucie laughed.

“We are talking about my parabatai after all. Now, let’s begin!”

“Let’s begin,” Thomas repeated. There were a lot of work to be done. 

•

When Thomas entered the Devil Tavern for the second time this day it was almost evening. 

He was with Matthew and James. Together they left the Institute, already in gear, ready to hunt demons. They had to take Christopher before the fall of the night to start patrolling London’s streets.

“I just have to pick up some knifes I forgot last time,” James said. “It won’t take long.”

“Jamie loves his knifes too much sometimes” sighed his parabatai.

So now Matthew and Thomas were waiting for him. Matthew ordered one drink for himself but Thomas didn’t want. He prefered his mind to be clear before a battle.

His charming friend chatted with Polly who was already laughing.

Thomas asked  himself if he should take something to eat. He hadn’t eat anything since he met with Lucie. Maybe this could stop his thoughts to wander around Alastair Carstairs. 

“Hey Tom,” Matthew called him. Thomas didn’t realize when his conversion with Polly ended. “Isn’t Christopher the one who usually isn’t here?” he asked with a smile.

Thomas tried to smile back but Matthew was right. His mind was elsewhere.

“I’m fine,” he said. He hoped he was not a liar.

Matthew drank from the drink a little, still looking at Thomas.

“Is there someone special?” he asked, curious.

Thomas didn’t answer. 

“Is it that werewolf girl who was running after you for while?”

“By the Angel, Matthew,” he sighed.

Thomas still felt a little embarrassed thinking about the whole situation. Her name was Bella. She was chasing him for a few weeks and was absolutely shameless. In the end Thomas forced himself to tell her that he liked another person and didn’t want her hurt, which was true. Bella was very disappointed but said she’s fine. Asked about this person though but Thomas refused to tell her anything. It felt too private to share it with someone else.

He thought about Alastair again. For long, maybe longer then Thomas wanted to admit, the Persian was the only one he thought about this way. 

There was thousand little things about him. Flash of light in his eyes. The sweet illusion of his hands. His voice. His everything. One heart. One soul. He was the glimpse of the brightest dream in the dark rains.

Thomas felt breathless. The love wasn’t what he ever imagined it would be. There’s no black and no white. It was all the colors at one.

“Thomas!”

He startled and looked at Matthew. He forgot that his friend was still there.

“There is definitely someone,” Matthew said, already grinning. 

“Are you hungry?” Thomas asked, desperate to change the topic.

Polly came near them, rising an eyebrow. 

“Do I know this person? Is it a lady or a gentleman?” the blond kept asking, ignoring Tom’s question.

Thomas looked at Polly, trying not to blush.

“Just gimme fried chicken,” he murmured.

•

A/N: one big shout out for Teddy (@fair-y-child) who was so kind to edit my chapters! Thank you Teo for your help, it wouldn’t be the same without you ❤️

People who wanted to be tagged (thanks to every one of you, I didn’t expect so many people to ask for it): @christopher-lightwood-my-heart @panicatwallmaria @thomaslightwoodx @thomastair-paris @lavanyalol @lucexherondale @tom-carstairs @im-gay-for-cordelia-carstairs @vintage-morning-wine @ab-cedario @daisycordelia @crying-is-your-latest-fashion @a-very-gay-spider (btw I will keep tagging you if you don’t tell me to stop)

[thomaslightwood]

A Kind of Magic

Chapter three: Pain is so close to pleasure

When your plans go wrong - you turn out the light

But inside of your mind you put up a fight

Where are the answers that we're all searching for

(recommend, but not necessary to read/hear the song)

•  •  •

His hair is black, Thomas thought, marveling at it. 

He knew that Alastair's natural color is black but had never seen it. Until now. 

Thomas wanted to touch it. It would be weird just to do it, but he was really tempted. 

It would be soft, he thought. It looked so soft. Thomas imagined it between his fingers, how he runs his hand through it, the little curls escaping, cuddling his skin...

“Thomas,” he felt warm hand on his own and with surprise found out it was Alastair's. His breath stopped but Alastair didn't seems to notice. His palm was calloused against Tom's wrists. The hand of a fighter. “Do you heard what I asked?” 

Thomas felt his face hot. The other man raised an eyebrow at him.

“I'm sorry, what were you talking about?” he asked, very embarrassed.

Alastair didn't look annoyed though. Actually, in his eyes had amusement. Like Thomas reaction was not what he expected but he likes it. 

Alastair moved away his hand and Thomas missed it immediately.

“I said that I heard there is some strange demon activity. Is that true?”

Thomas suddenly felt anxious. This time it had nothing to do with the dark-haired person in front of him.

“Yes, that's true,” he admitted, talking a little bit quieter. “In South London, around Brixton. At the moment the Enclave has a meeting for it.”

His father and mother were at it, and Will Herondale. He was actually relieved that it was a day now because if not he was sure his parents would go to check themselves.

“Is it really that serious?” Alastair asked, a little bit surprise in his voice. 

Thomas hesitated for a moment. He wasn't sure what he could tell or even how true was his information. But he didn't see the point of hiding it. The people would know it soon anyway.

“Honestly, I don't know much myself. What is known for now is that the Shadowhunters who go to hunt there almost never return. These who do are badly injured and say that there is some kind of a demon that they have never see before.”

There was no joy on Alastair's face anymore but a deep frown.

“How long has this been going on?” he asked.

“No one is absolutely sure but around three or four days maybe,” Thomas answered. “I guess we will know more after the meeting.” Or at least he hoped so.

Alastair's frown deepen. 

“It's impossible to be something that no one has never seen before.”

Thomas shook his head.

“I don't know,” he answered honestly. “My parents are at the meeting. I believe they could find solution.”

Alastair looked thoughtful and even a little worried. Perhaps to find out there was some kind of new demon when you and your family just arrived at the town weren't the best news.

Thomas felt bad. It would be better if he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to see Alastair unhappy. But it was always better to know the truth.

“Hey, do you want to get out of here?” Thomas asked suddenly. He wanted to distract Alastair a bit.

Alastair's eyes widened a little. “What?!”

“Come on,” Thomas said hopefully. “I want to show you something.”

Alastair hesitated. 

“But I have to attend. We can't just leave, can we?” He looked around the ballroom which was full of laughing and dancing people. Then at Thomas' hopeful eyes. And sighed. “Let's do it.”

After Alastair and Thomas secretly left they caught a carriage. Thomas didn't want to reveal where they were going so he said a place near their real destination. He was almost sure Alastair didn't know London well enough to recognize the name even if Thomas did say it but he didn't want to risk it.

After they were left on the beginning of Victoria Bridge, together they started walking along the water. The few mundanes and automobiles that was passing couldn't see them. Thomas felt more at place when people couldn't see him rather on sort of events like the ball.

“You don't like crowds, do you?” Alastair asked quietly.

Thomas gave him a surprised look.

“Yes, that's right. They make me anxious since I was young.” Thomas was silent for a moment. “I... I didn't think you remember.”

Alastair didn't answer. They kept walking together, while the sun was slowly beginning to set. 

“So where are we going?” Alastair finally asked.

“You will see.”

They were silent while walking. But it wasn't uncomfortable at all. Actually, Thomas felt very pleasantly. Alastair Carstairs wasn't a friend but walks with him were Thomas' favorites. Which was strange though. But thinking about it now he realized that it was a simple truth. It wasn't he didn't like to be with his friends. But Lucie and especially Matthew always wanted to make small talk which Thomas didn't like. James and Christopher were nicer but Jamie was always reading some book and Kit was often very distracted and thought about other things. But with Alastair he felt calm. Like he was a longtime friend or... a lover. 

Thomas stopped his thoughts immediately. Alastair was none of that. Though Thomas really wanted to be. A friend. A lover. Both. None. He wasn't sure. But what he did know was that he wanted to be close to Alastair no matter what.

“Here we are,” Thomas said when they came at the end of the bridge.

“This is a park,” Alastair said, looking around curiously. There was a endless size of trees and greenery. The entrance was open and just now a few people came out. The paths were extensive and clean. There were benches in every few meters. It was almost evening and there weren't many mundanes.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “Battersea Park. Do you want to go there?” Thomas asked hopefully. 

“Of course,” Alastair smiled a little. “Why not?”

They entered. This was one of Tom's favorite places in London. When his surrounding became too much he came here. He had never told a soul about it before. It was his very private spot where he could be alone for a few hours. He wasn't sure why he wanted to show it to Alastair. To bring him here felt like giving him a part of himself. To break his own heart into pieces so he could give Alastair one of them.

Love is painful, Thomas thought. But pain is so close to pleasure.

He looked at Alastair out the corner of his eye. His heart was beating so fast he had a feeling it was going to jump out of his chest.

The sun was setting behind him. Looking at Alastair who seemed to enjoy the light breeze with a smile and closed eyes, Thomas felt like he was out of breath. He sensed the world like he was underwater. The sight in front of him was so beautiful that made his heart ache. 

“Adelbaram,” fell from Thomas' lips, involuntarily, and the wind carried his quiet words to Alastair's ears. 

The Persian opened his dark eyes and looked at Thomas. There was shock. And something else. Thomas' broke the eye contact because he didn't think he could bear to see the disgust on Alastair's face.

“What... did you just say?” his voice was strange. Guttural.

Thomas didn't look at him. He could hear, feel, how Alastair approached him. He grabbed his arm, right under the tattoo. 

“What did you call me?”

Thomas was a fool. He was too used to people around him to misunderstand what he murmured. But Alastair was Persian. He could understand what he said pretty well. Or maybe he said it in Persian on purpose? Did really one part of him wanted Alastair to know it so bad?

Thomas let out a breath. He returned to London with the thought he was better now. That he wasn't the sicky little boy who everyone took care of anymore. Thomas wanted to be brave.

He looked right into Alastair's eyes. He couldn't believe he was doing this.

“I called you,” Thomas began, placing gently his hand on the lower part of Alastair's arm, “the thief of my heart.“

So many emotions crossed Alastair's face. And so fast. For a second or two. Thomas couldn't recognize any. Then it became an ice mask. 

Dear Raziel, what have I did?

Anxiety grabbed Thomas. He waited. And waited. He wanted Alastair to say something. Something.

But there was only silence.

•  •  •

As it seems there had happened interesting things at the ball. The morning, while Barbara, Thomas and their parents sat at the table for breakfast, his sister told them.

For a start, the Blackthorns appeared. Gideon tensed.

“All three of them?” He asked.

He and Uncle Gabriel weren't in good relationship with their sister.

“That's right,” said Barbara. “It was a shock for everyone.”

It was for Thomas as well. The Blackthorns had lived in Chiswick for a few months already but they very rarely come to some social event and definitely not all of them.

“How did they look?” Sophie asked while drinking her tea. “Were there any problems?”

“Well,” Barbara looked unsure. “They seemed fine. But aunt Tatiana didn't let them talk with neither me, nor uncle Gabriel and aunt Cecily. The Herondales too. I couldn't introduce myself to them.”

“Only Raziel knows what Tatiana is thinking,” murmured his father but the words was intended to his mother. Sophie whispered something to him which made Gideon smile softly at her. 

Thomas thought about his cousins. He had never met them but he had wished to talk to them more than once before. Especially Jesse Blackthorn. Thomas knew that he was sick child too and really wanted to talk with someone with the same condition as his when he was little.

Barbara kept talking about the ball. Their parents were interested to hear what happened but not Thomas. The only thing that he wanted was to finish his breakfast so he can go help Lucie with the translation. Maybe this could distract him a bit.

“What happened at the meeting though?” Barbara asked and drank from her tea. This caught his attention.

“It was longer then expected,” Sophie said. “But useful.”

“We got new information from the injured ones,” his father said. “The Silent brothers told us. But it was confusing at first.”

“What do you mean?” Thomas asked, the first thing he said this morning.

His mother eyed him.

“Some of them said at first they thought that were Moloch or Iblis demons but there was too much fire. None of them could say what exactly are these creatures and no one recognized them the Codex,” his mother shook her head. 

“Everyone was worried,” Gideon added, puting a hand on his wife's shoulder. “In the end we decided we have to restrict distribution as much as possible.”

“Are you saying this new demon is trying to seize the whole London?” Thomas asked surprised. How strong these demons could be to not be able to be stopped by so many Shadowhunters? 

“Unfortunately, yes,” Gideon said. “It's observed the same demon activity in Camberwell and we will try to stop it from going in west and north now.”

Thomas wasn't feeling good enough for this conversation. Without finishing his breakfast he excused himself and rose from the table. Shortly after that he left the house. 

Thomas' body was so heavy. His mind was a little unclear. The night was restless for him. He needed sleep, he knew. He needed to forget. No, he needed to get back in the time to make himself to not say a damn word to Alastair. 

Alastair, Alastair, Alastair. 

So in love, he thought bitterly, but love had a bad reaction.

While he climbed into the Lightwood carriage, Thomas suddenly missed Eugenia who was in Idris now.

She often was sharp but has a soft side which was saved mostly for her little brother. Maybe she wouldn't say the most soothing thing but would tell you the truth the way it is - imperfect, sometimes painful but always better then a lie.

Thomas remembered what she once told him. He was feeling very weak that day and everyone was trying to make him feel better.

Eugenia sat then on his bed, held his hand and said “Some days you're feeling good, some days you're feeling bad,” she gently ran her hand through his hair. “And if you're feeling happy someone else is always sad. And if you're feeling sad someone else is always happy. This is the way things are, Tom-Tom. So the least thing you can do is to make yourself better. To always try to make feeling yourself well and happy. Because when you are fine you can try to make people around you to feel fine too.”

Thomas had always tried to follow her advice. As much as possible. But it hasn't been so hard until now. 

•  •  •

A/N: Here Jesse is 16-17. How you ask? Well, I don’t know but he is.

[thomaslightwood]

I do not love you || Thomastair one shot

Ok, Iz @cartwrightsgrace this is the last sad Thomastair one shot I'm writing for now because in the last 24 hours I read and write to much angst about them 🥴 I'm posting this because I actually liked it and didn't want to waste the idea

Modern AU

Warning: sad, characters death

Excuse my bad english, please

Words: 685

•

Everyone around him was ghosts.

They didn't matter. Not now, not ever. There was one and only that mattered something to Thomas.

“Did you miss him?” He asked, his voice trembling a bit.

His whole body was frozen in anticipation. In his soul was burning a little flame of hope. One pathetic, painful hope.

Alastair looked him in the eyes and without a flinch said, “All the time.”

With three simple everything. was. broken.

“Then why…” he hardly could speak. He was afraid if he did he would burst into tears. “Why did you go on a date with me?”

“Because I needed distraction,” Alastair said simply. He sounded almost bored.

“But…” Thomas choked with the words. His voice was barely a whisper. “You said you love me…”

“Look what, Lightwood,” to hear his last name said by Alastair, especially this sharply, was like a slap. What was worse was how annoyed looked Alastair. Like he was dealing with some child. “After Charles, I needed to distract myself. And you was just the first idiot to be in front of my sight. The perfect even,” Alastair had a smug smile on his face. Thomas felt sick. “So innocent, so inexperienced. Didn't you say I'm your first? It was so nice to fuck with a virgin.”

“No,” Thomas shook his head. He wanted to vomit. “No.”

“Lightwood,” Alastair looked him dead in the eyes. “I do not love you.”

•

Grace Cartwright watched how Thomas Lightwood was crying. It made her feel uneasy. He deserved better then that.

When he ran away down the street and disappeared from her sight she came out of the shadows.

“This was horrible,” she said.

Alastair looked at her, startled.

“How long have you been here?“

“Long enough to know he had to punch you.”

Alastair closed his eyes for a long moment.

He said huskily “Yes, he had to.”

“Seriously,” Grace said while walking to her car. “I knew you are a dick but this is a whole new level.”

“Shut up, Cartwright,” Alastair sounded tired. Grace felt pity for him so she didn't say anything more.

When they both were in the car, Grace on the driver's seat and Alastair beside her, they drived off.

“Did you tell him?” Alastair said after a while.

“No,” Grace admitted. “I… I couldn't.”

Alastair eyed her.

“Ha,” he said expressionless. “And I thought you're the heartless bitch here.”

Grace smiled a little.

“I suppose I am,” she shrugged, without taking her eyes off the road. “But… not to Christopher. He… he sees something in me that no one else does, not even me. And I couldn't hurt him. Anyone but him.”

Alastair didn't reply.

•

When they arrived at the park James and Ariadne was waiting for them. There wasn't much people around. And thank you Raziel for it. Alastair didn't want audience.

“Did you do it?” Alastair asked when he and Grace approached James and Ariadne.

James looked away.

“No,” he said. “I couldn't. To look her in the eyes and to say I do not love her… I couldn't.”

Alastair sighed. He remembered the look on Thomas' face when he said he doesn't love him. It was the most heartbreaking thing he had ever seen. His own heart was ruined. Alastair couldn't care anymore, couldn't even feel. Not after Thomas' tears.

“I did it,” Ariadne said. It was clear she barely kept herself together. “I broke Anna's heart,” she closed her eyes and whispered “When I promised I wouldn't do it again.”

I'm the following silence Alastair felt sick. He understood Ariadne. To tell all this terrible things to Thomas was the most awful thing he has ever done. Alastair barely could stand himself in in the moment.

“Let's do it,” he whispered. “They said we have to it in before the sunset. We don't have much time left.”

They all nodded.

Grace and James first pulled out their guns. Then Alastair. And lastly Ariadne.

“One,” James said. There was tears in his eyes.

“Two,” Ariadne hoarsely.

“Three,” Alastair closed his eyes. He imagined Thomas' face. He wanted this to be the last thing he see before he die.

“Now!” Grace yelled.

They pulled the trigger.