#also! almost no dialogues in this one i'm kinda proud of myself

[dianneking]

20 Author Questions

Tagged by the lovely @weemssapphic - thank you so very much for that!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? - 37

2. What's your total AO3 word count? - 175,030

3. What fandoms do you write for? - Gwendoline Christie, some other characters in the Wednesday fandom too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? - Surprising Like Good Coffee on a Bad Day, Shapes of Love, First Evening Back, Intoxicated, Entwined Destinies.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? - Yes. I try my best to get to every comment because I love love love the community that builds around shared interests. Also, time is such a rare commodity these days that if you take the time to let me know what you thought of my writings...we're already pals.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? - Oh, that's easy, Loving You for sure. The whole premise is hurt no comfort so yeah. Read this at your own risk.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? - Hmmmm I feel the one I went in most detail about the happy ending was Surprising Like Good Coffee on a Bad Day, it was extra fluffy and funny and I find myself smiling just thinking about it.

8. Do you get hate on fics? - As of now, not yet. Hopefully it'll stay that way.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? - Yep, at times. As for what kind, depends on the story, but mostly at least somewhat kinky.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? - I love a well executed crossover soooo much. For now, I've only written New Teacher In Town, a Larissa Weems x Melissa Schemmenti (Abbott's Elementary) oneshot, but I do have others I'd like to try my hand at.

11. Have you ever had a fiction stolen? - Not that I've noticed. I only write on AO3 and Tumblr, so if you see my fics somewhere else, please tell me - it's probably stolen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? - Not yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? - Not yet published, but I might have something in the works... isn't that right @scream-queenlover?

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? - Errrrr difficult to say tbh. I like to change and to make different ships work. I like Gwen's characters paired with almost anyone ever. I like the challenge of making it work and surprising readers with them.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? - I don't ever let go of WIPs. They are just biding their time. I have some requests in my inbox from January (if it's yours, I'm so very sorry) but also, the feeling of writing the right fic when you want to write it is something that is so good I just don't want to do an uninspired shoddy work of them. Their time to shine will come.

16. What are your writing strengths? - I am a very logical person, so I like to build my characters so that they make sense, so that their actions and reactions have some meaning and some depth. Also. I loooove to write gut-wrenching angst and I feel like it shows.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? - They change with time and with the fic in question. Right now, to sit my ass down on a chair and write is my greatest challenge. Also, I feel like most of my oneshots are a lot of the same, and that kinda bothers me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? - All for it if I can find a native speaker that betas me on that.

19. First fandom you wrote for? - Well, I wrote an angsty fanfiction of an Ideal Husband before knowing what fanfiction was, so I guess that was my first fandom.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written? - Hmmm. Surprising Like Good Coffee on a Bad Day has a special place in my heart because it was my first one, but also I feel so proud of Unrelenting Love (Madeleine) not even quite sure why but I really love the way it came out.

If you see this and you are an author, that's it! You're automatically tagged! And please, do tag me in your post because I am so very curious!

[kasienda]

2, 4, and 5 for the writer asks!

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

Invisible Wounds - Sailor Moon - AmiZoi

So... I self inserted myself into this fic as Zoisite's mother. Not because I feel any super connection to Zoisite, but because I figured that was a really really easy way to make her feel real as an original character with just a line or two of dialogue here or there. She's a minor character. Like super minor. But since she's me, I gave Zoi's little brother the same disorder as my son (when I could have picked ANTYHING else). And like, it's a life limiting condition and for plot reasons I needed his little brother to die. (Do you see where I'm going with this??) So I did a ton of research specifically into how my son's disorder will eventually kill him. And then I wrote the fucking scene. Let's just say I cried doing the research, I cried writing the scene, and every now and again I go back and read it and cry all over again. Like WHY would I do this to myself? (I think it's because I needed to know, and doing it for a fic meant I could pretend there was a layer of psychological defense, which there absolutely wasn't).

The ironic thing is the research that killed me for this piece is for an unposted chapter near the end of the story. And it's getting increasingly difficult for me to work on this story because it is a medical drama centered around an epidemic that I started writing in 2016 before pandemics were a part of my daily life. And it's not that writing about an epidemic is hard/dark, so much as it feels like work, instead of an escape. So I'm not sure anyone is even going to get to read the scene! (But I got a comment on this story a few weeks back and I reread a lot of the upcoming bits, and it's sooooo good. It's a story that deserves to be told... too bad I don't currently have those mental emotional spoons).

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort?

Best Friends and Boyfriends - Miraculous Ladybug - Adrino

This is the most self indulgent fic I have ever written in my life, and when I'm low and just want to smile and laugh, this is the fic I go to most often. I lvoe the relationship, its development, the conflict, the make up from their fight, and the reveal! And it is the perfect length to get some development, and still be read in about an hour.

And honestly, I can reread almost any of my fics. I will often pick the one that I haven't read in the longest amount of time (also depends on what I'm in the mood for), and then sit back and kinda just be amazed that I wrote the thing? It's crazy. But I love that I have my own little library that is kinda tailored just to me!

5. what fic of your own won't you read?

I don't know that I have a fic I won't read. (See above), but the one that comes closest?

Anything to Protect You - Sailor Moon - Usamamo Fake Dating

Now, I'm actually insanely proud of this fic, and to this day think it's one of the better things I've written. It's got one of the best kisses I've ever written, some positively adorable dates, one of the best battles I've ever written, and a really satisfying reveal moment!!

So why don't I like to read it? Because I hated writing it!! It was a gift for an exchange and so it had to be finished. And it was tailored to my giftee so perfectly and I was excited about THAT, but it was late and ended up taking up a good six months. Actually, one of the things I LOVE about this fic is that it really taught me that I could 1) be disciplined and finish the things I wanted to finish whatever my brain had to say about it (ha!), and 2) could write a really good story even when I myself wasn't invested.

I do occasionally reread it and am floored by some of the moments in it, but it also brings up all the feelings/memories of obligation and forcing myself to work on it when my heart wanted to work on other things. So I think I resent it sometimes that OTHER things didn't get finished instead (like Invisible Wounds!!). But on the other hand, I'm really really glad it exists as well. And clearly this one is going to be read by way more people than my rarepair content ever will. Feelings are complicated.

Thank you @karkalicious769 for the ask!

Send me some Deep fic writer Asks!

[fanmoose12]

Levihan Week 2021

Day two: Confessions

Summary: Confessions are to be made in the right place, in the right time.

"Confessions are to be made in the right place, in the right time."

It was an advice that Erwin once gave him, during one of the rare instances when the late Commander allowed himself to shrug off his heavy duty and act like a normal human.

Back then, Levi didn't understand the meaning of his words, didn't realize how this philosophical remark could be related to his question about “that red-haired lady that visited our barracks with Dawk today”.

But time went on, and the words refused to leave Levi's mind. Watching his fellow scouts, his friends and subordinates, he couldn't help but remember Erwin's wisdom.

Confessions are to be made in the right place, in the right time

The more Levi thought about it, the more he started to believe that it was a universal truth. Blurt out the wrong thing to the wrong person or in the wrong time, and you create a misunderstanding, tension or even a conflict.

Blurt out the right thing to the right person but in the wrong time, and you can very well destroy the relationship that was so treasured.

Levi saw examples of this everywhere - drunken soldiers slurring the admission of their love to their equally drunken comrades, heavily injured soldiers whispering the words of love on the verge of death, forever breaking the heart of the subject of their affections, angry and tired soldiers screaming out those dangerous three little words in the moments of frustration and resentment.

Love made people stupid, it made people reckless. It was dangerous and unwelcome in their line of work. He couldn't allow his heart to grow attached to someone else, couldn't let his eyes wander in the search of them during battles, couldn't let someone else's voice and laugh distract him from his duties.

Levi scoffed at the soldiers who waxed poetic about love, he rolled his eyes at the displays of affection, he pitied the fools who dedicated their hearts not to the indestructible idea of humanity and its future, but to a single, mortal person.

And then, out of nowhere, in the midst of battles, losses and rare moments of peace, he himself became that very same fool. During battles, his eyes searched for the shrieking idiot, his heartbeat slowing down only after he saw them alive and well. During late evenings and sleepless nights, he sat in the stuffy, dusty laboratory, listening to unending ramblings about titans, the outside world and the hopes of bright future.

He was more focused with them by his side. He slept better when they were curled up around him. Even his food was more delicious when they shared it with him, shamelessly stealing bits of his dinner.

It wasn't love, Levi had tried to assure himself. Love was dangerous and stupid, love was making people weak. But this— this bond, this comradery, this friendship, it wasn't making him weak. It was making him stronger, it was making him fight even harder, to ensure that this hell would end with both of them still alive. This bond, it was making him feel so... happy.

Love made people do stupid things when their other half was injured or in danger. But Levi's person, they were strong. Almost as skilled as was he, and twice as smart.

On the battlefield, they were quick and graceful, invisible, they did not make him worried. Whatever danger they were facing, they always managed to defeat it.

But then, then Kenny came back into his life and then they went after him straight into that fucking cave, and Levi's heart had stopped, it almost crushed when he heard their scream and saw them fall.

And blood, there was so much blood on their shirt, in front of his eyes. And that's when Levi realized - he became attached, he fell in love.

Confessions are to be made in the right place, in the right time

It was the first time he remembered these words in a very long time. He thought he would never need this advice. But that night, when they returned from that cave, when Levi stayed by their side, watching them hiss and wince as doctors bandaged their injured shoulder, he almost blurted it all out. Scared out of his mind, he wanted to grab their face and scream at them how he almost lost his shit during the fight, how even the thought of losing them was making him absolutely terrified. He wanted to press their forehead against his and whisper, so quietly than only two of them would hear, how much he loved them.

But they had a battle waiting for them first thing in the morning. Both of them were exhausted, both of them had too much on their minds. It wasn't the right time and it wasn’t the right place.

So he simply gripped their healthy hand and said, "You looked like a fucking amateur back there, four-eyes. Try to focus next time, alright?"

The answering laughter was quiet, but cheerful. It mended Levi's heart.

Then there was Shiganshina, and Levi's previous fears started to look like an overreaction. He thought he was afraid before, he thought he was close to losing them before, but last time, he could at least see them twitch and groan out in pain, he was somewhat comforted by the knowledge that there were people looking over them.

But now, now, there was no one. There was an explosion, a big, thundering explosion, and after it, there was nothing, nothing at all.

And Levi— Levi couldn't go there and check if someone was still alive. He couldn't even stop and make sense of what he was feeling. Everything was moving too quickly, and he could only follow that swift flow, trying his best not to get drown in it.

And, as he continued moving, never faltering, his eyes were wet - with sweat, with blood, with tears - Levi couldn't spare a second to wipe all of it. He could only continue marching forward.

Confessions are to be made in the right place, in the right time

It wasn't the right place, certainly not the right time, but his desperate, relieved "Hange!" could probably count as a confession. It certainly disclosed the feelings that otherwise he would never let out.

But the current kept moving forward, and both of them were struggling to keep their head afloat. There was no time for words of love, no time for being stupid and reckless.

After the utter disaster that was Shiganshina, they returned home, and the place was right, but the time wasn't, as both of them were still dealing with the losses they've endured. Dumping even more revelations onto them seemed unwise, cruel even, so Levi stayed silent, remained at their side, loyal and faithful.

When they finally arrived at the sea, it seemed like the place was right, and the time was right. And as Hange dragged him from one end of the beach to the other, shoving seashell after seashell into his face, Levi even prepared a romantic, touching speech, the kind of soft confession that his love deserved. Something along the lines, "you're more precious than the sea in front of me".

But that peaceful day was over before he could master the courage to let the truth out in the open.

And after that, after that, the time and the place were never quite right. He could not confess in the midst of thousands official meetings, strategy planning and war councils. He couldn't confess when they had to meet with the Marley volunteers, he couldn't confess when they went to explore Marley itself.

He couldn't confess before they went to retrieve Eren's stupid ass. Although, he wanted to, desperately so. But when he grabbed their shoulder before they boarded the airship, he could only tell them, "Don't die. I'd hate to be in charge of this circus."

He didn't know if his true meaning was clear enough, if his voice was tight enough to translate his curt words into their intended point.

Don't leave me alone. I don't know if I can do this without you.

It only went downhill from that. He had no time to speak with them after they came home, he had no time before he went to the forest with Zeke, the place and the time just weren't right.

When Zeke had escaped, when the explosion had almost killed him, Levi thought that he had lost his chance. He had hesitated for too long, and the moment was lost forever. But the explosion didn't kill him, Hange saved him.

And this time, the place was right, it was perfect, a quiet, dark forest where nothing and no one could get to them.

Maybe, the two of us just should live here together. Right, Levi?

He wanted to say yes, wanted to scream "let's leave this fucking hell behind and grow old together". He wanted bury his face in their neck and whisper "I love you, more than anything".

But he didn't.

The place was right, but the time wasn't.

The place, the time, they were never right.

After they got out of the forest, things were spending up and up, leaving Levi behind and unable to catch up. He was always at the back, watching but not doing anything, too weak to even talk. And they were at the front, leading everyone towards their noble goal.

As he watched them move forward, leaving him to fight the Yeagerists, discussing plans with their allies, as he watched them slip through his fingers like a morning fog, those words were at the tip of his tongue, ready to spill out.

But Hange never stopped, they had no time to hear him out.

And then, Hange finally stopped. Then they decided to become the one that was going to be left behind. And in the process, they left behind Levi.

He thought about it so much, for so long, he was carrying these feelings for almost a decade. But he never figured out just what words to use to explain the matters of his heart.

Confessions are to be made in the right place, in the right time

He was so focused on these words that he forgot about the most important thing. Confession had to be done right as well. But he had no time to ponder and search his mind for the fitting words. He had no time, Hange had no time, and in that last moment, when his heart was breaking and his mind kept chanting "please, don't leave me, not you, please, not you", the only thing he could get out was, "Dedicate your heart."

The confession was clumsy, too roundabout, but his feelings probably were clear enough. He hoped so, at least.

Before they went, before they left him alone, Levi wanted them to know, wanted them to remember just how loved they were.

As he sat in that plane, his mind going crazy with grief, he remembered the words spoken to him in the middle of the night, by a man who refused to feel the pain of loss, who shut himself away from affection and love.

Confessions are to be made in the right place, in the right time

Perhaps, Erwin was wrong in that regard, Levi realized. Perhaps, there was no such thing as right place and right time. There could only be right person.

And Levi had just lost his.

[poisonouswritings]

I feel like in every tickle fight you have with Sage he always holds the back of your head to make sure you don't get hurt even if you're on the bed just in case yall fall off or something. He's,,,,always so gentle :((((

I wholeheartedly belive that Lucan is a music loving guy so he'd probably sing you to sleep sometimes. Or just falling asleep listening to his voice in general

I feel like Balsam would almost always have a hand on or around your shoulders,,,,,,he just likes having you close by. Also he would tuck you in!!!! Or at least come say goodnight no matter what just to make sure you're in bed safe :))))

Elowen teaching you how to ride horses!!!!!! She's sitting behind you and cuddling into your neck while showing you how the saddle is adjusted

Tulsi's hands are probably really calloused right? So imagine her reaction when you start kissing the little nubs on her hands,,,,,aaaaaaaa

After a while when you and Felix get a little close you start borrowing some of his books to read in your free time and you kinda notice how so many dialogues seem so familiar,,,,he probably steals phrases from books all the time and recites them to you trying to seem cool and when you point it out to him he'll just sputtering say how that's neither here nor there,,,

Remember that scene is sages route of chapter 4 when he teaches you to fight? That but with Anisa showing you how to use a bow,,,, I'll leave the rest to your imagination ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Saaros getting bored and taking you on carriage rides when they bored telling you about the history of whatever place you end up in. They'd probably use their Book magic thingy to try and guess where you'd like to go-

Matching daggers with rime.thats it.just.so asethetic.fuck it matching clothes too.

-egg anon (dumb bitch anon)

Dearest friend all of these are making me go feral I'm so in love with these

Very slight NSFW on the first one, just referencing a certain kink community, nothing graphic

He is,,, and he would. And I would like to go on a very minor side tangent! There's actually a tickling (kink) community. The softness and affection of [the act of] tickling is a big part of it and I just wanna say that I feel like Sage both has that kink and therefore is extra warm and gentle while tickling you, and always gets flustered as a result because it's just so warm and soft and he loves you so much and uggggh I love him. He's teasing you and giving you soft little kisses on your neck and your shoulder but when it starts to be a little too much for you he recognizes it and stops and then he cuddles you against his chest and kisses the top of your head and purrs real softly while praising you for doing so well and I feel like this is another one of those times where I'm outing myself for things

Lucan loves music! And dancing! Teaches you to dance if you don't already know how. 1000% sings you to sleep. You don't even have to ask him, he just does it. If you ever sing your favorite songs for him he'll do his best to remember the lyrics and then sing that as a lullaby/to cheer you up if you're feeling down.

Yeah!!! It starts off because he's trying to like,, guide you through the crowds or something but then it just becomes a habit. Sage and Lucan tease him a little bit but Balsam just wants to protecc you. And y'know what? Even when he's blackout drunk he'll still stumble into your room to say goodnight. And then pass out on your floor.

I just,,, I find the idea so funny of Elowen getting all comfy behind you,, running her hands up your sides a little to tease you, oh MC you have to keep your hands on the reins or else you're gonna fall >:3 as she's doing everything in her power to distract you,,, smooching your neck and purring in your ear,,,,,, and then like an hour later as you're still riding you finally realize Elowen has No Fucking Clue how to ride a horse, she literally just found a random horse with a saddle and hijacked it for a joyride.

Tulsi is! Very proud of her hands!! She likes her callouses. Makes her feel like she's big and strong. I think she found a lot of comfort in her work when Sage 'died', and being a strong blacksmith gave her back a sense of control and strength that she desperately needed. So you gently grab her wrists and start delicately kissing her palms?? She's. She's dead. Dead and warm and soft and I love her

You confront him,,, he has this One Phrase he says a lot and you find it in one of the books and one day he's on the sofa reading and you sit down next to him like Oh Look I Found This Neat Book :) and you start reading the passage and Felix is just sliding down in his seat

No listen I am literally an archer (as in I've won competitions and awards, albeit minor ones) and,, Anisa tries to show you how to do it and you let her because it's cute and she's being all flirty,, she lands it on the 7 ring,, and then she says you can try it on your own because she wants to see how you do on her own because oh if you're still not getting it she can teach you some more ;3 but then you get a bullseye and she's like! oh!! and you're like 'it'd be a little easier if I had my proper sight or my stabilizers or the string was weighted right or if the string was waxed or if you had your arm guard or even your finger tab, those at this point you'd settle for a glove, and Annie is just standing there like 👁👄👁

Saaros learning the history of a place just so they can take you out and impress you,, acting like it's no big deal,,, but when you gush about how smart they are then they're looking away and blushing a little,,,

You're right!! Rime would love to match. Just gives you clothes from his wardrobe. Buys you jewelry so you can match with that too. If you manage to like,, find cosplay antlers,,,, you wear them,,,, he finds it so adorable he physically cannot with you.

[munamania]

for the fic asks - F G H S T !!

ahhhhh thank you!!! i'm gonna put the answers under the cut since this is kinda long lol

also guys i love talking abt myself so like feel free to send more <3

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Paranoid that other actors in these crimes will come busting down the doors at any moment, Nancy leans over the girl and taps on her face. “Please, please don’t do this.” Tears fall in a stream from her eyes onto Robin’s face. “Robin, get up! This isn’t funny.”

Blood pools against the her neck, burying her complexion in red. Nancy tries to feel for a pulse, but all she feels is the blood on her fingers. A scream works its way from the back of her throat to her teeth. “Wake up! Wake up! Fuck.”

i dont know if this, like, super counts as dialogue, but i really loved this part of two of a crime. and the following line after nancy flips out ( Nancy stumbles back into the warehouse, leaving the door open, and collapses in the room with Robin. She tries to stop the bleeding. Holds her hands against the girl’s neck. It’s not too deep, you’ll be okay , she tries to tell her, but she can’t get the words out. We’ll be okay. We made it, kid . ). nancy is so fucking smart and capable and incredible in action and that is beautiful to see! however. thinking about how she'd lost barb and quickly grown close to robin (which i called in this fic! js. i just knew they'd bond really quickly even if they did start as annoyances), watching her lose so much blood and shit i thought would of course get an insane reaction. like. she'd maybe really snap and break down. hence the ending. i think it's probably the most angsty thing i've ever written, and even if it's not all that bad, i'm really proud of it.

Mike blanches. “I don’t think I said that.”

“Oh, you definitely did.”

“Oh,” he nods, mind spinning, “well, you know…”

Will stands to be at Mike’s level, leans forward on his knees. Mike stops breathing. “I do,” he says, “but tell me again.”

Mike swallows down a breath of courage and suggests, “I think I might like you.” His eyes flit to Will’s lips, then back to his eyes. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll allow it,” Will says, a bright smile causing lines near his eyes. Mike smacks at his arm, nervous laughter coming out with a quiet, ‘Shut up.’

as an alternative i just. i love confident will! i wanted this to be as true to the characters as i could fathom while also being. perhaps mildly corny due to the holiday feel. i was really happy with this and tying the 'crazy together' moment back into it.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

it sorta depends! i mostly write from start to finish, unless i have a specific moment/piece of dialogue that i know for sure i want later on. then it's a little easier to build around that and i sometimes find myself writing a far better build-up than there would've been otherwise, probably. i really admire writers that have plot points and stuff super planned out in advance, but i tend to just have a vague idea of what i want and feel it out as i go.

H: How would you describe your style?

god i really don't know. i'd love to hear how it's perceived lol. i am very... i tend to be comedic i think? i'm not afraid to be sarcastic/play with irony in my narration, to the point that i sometimes worry it won't come across well. i am also very dialogue-driven, which is something i want to work on. i literally like act out what the characters say sometimes to see if it feels realistic, and because of that i also probably overuse dialogue tags and little movements in between (almost like a script instead of 'prose' or whatever). i'm sort of fast-paced as well i think? idk i've very aware of pacing. like i'm rather quippy with my transitions and stuff because it just makes sense to me. i worry it's lazy sometimes but hey it works

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

waugh i don't know!! idk if i fall into tropes very often??? i've definitely like slipped in 'sharing a bed' quite a bit throughout the years, but i think that's as close as i get. honestly maybe i need to be more tropey.

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

hmm i think it goes without saying when people really change a character's personality to fall into a clean-cut dynamic (esp when it involves....... making one character way more submissive yk.) i cant think of any classic tropes that i specifically hate

[a-pretty-nerd]

Fun Fact About Me:

I used to be In Love

with Yuki Soma of

Fruits Basket

(And why I still kinda am)

Warnings: Spoilers

When I was 12 a family friend's daughter (whom I idolized for being edgy and cool) showed me my first anime.

2001's Fruit Basket

I can hear the soundtrack now. Mediocre singing to a hopeful tune as English voice actors read their lines into cheap recording equipment. The awkward pacing, character designs, dialogue, plot, should have made for a boring and uneventful show. But there was something, or rather, someone, that caught my eye.

Yuki Soma is a quiet and kind high school student who is well-liked by his peers and is known for his princely charm and handsome appearance. And while I'm sure 12yr old me was attracted to that handsome face:

(Jesus-fucking-christ why is his head so ROUND)

I was attracted to his kind and gentle personality more. I don't know about you guys but when I was a kid, a kind a gentle boy was rare. And if they let their true nature be known, they were relentlessly bullied. So it was refreshing to a 12yr old girl to see a boy like Yuki to be admired and adored by his peers.

Fast forward 10 years later. Yes, a whole ass decade later and I finally sit down to watch the Fruits Basket Reboot. Initially I was skeptical. Fruits Basket held a speci place in my heart as the first anime I was ever a fan of, the first TV show that encouraged and actively taught me emotional development. And at first I thought the style was a little too modern even, too sleak. But I watched it, and a decade later I found myself reliving an aspect of my childhood in a bizarre new way.

The first thing I noticed, was that I was still absolutely head over heals for the Rat Prince. He was still kind and gentle, but this Yuki was different. He had an underlying depth to him that the old Yuki lacked. His character flaws were evident and real. He was edgy, and even rude at times. He projected a kind persona on the outside, but deep down he was an upset and angry person. Something I really relate to.

(That and also his new character design. How they kept the WONKY hair.)

Yuki gets so much character development and growth in this show that fed my soul to watch. I always had a soft spot for him, but I never realized how similar my traumas and struggles were to Yuki. For one, I grew up in a very isolated situation where I was emotionally and verbally abused. I was an only-child in a rural location who struggled a with anxiety and depression from an early age. Yuki was raised in an isolated and abusive situation. We watch him struggle with PTSD, and his struggle to make meaningful connections with others as a result. And watching Yuki slowly overcome that at his own pace, made me sob.

It made me realize that I still hadn't come to terms with my PTSD when it came to my situation. That I hadn't let myself work through it and heal. And watching him, the character I adore do that, gave me the strength to work on myself. Watching Yuki not completely solve all his problems by just letting himself be vulnerable again and form connections, but by watching him take the little steps as he learned to care for himself again. To allow himself to love others but also himself again. Was so fucking powerful to me.

Yuki's relationship with Tohru Honda in the 2001 was similar to a Twilight novel. Yuki played a more Edward Cullem-esque role where Kyo played the Jacob, both vaguely pinning for Torhu's almost platonic affections. And the 2001 adaptation was really banking on people being team Yuki or team Kyo and that love triangle. Now while the 2019 version plays around with this idea and teases at it, by season 2 Yuki openly rejects any romantic relationship with Tohru. Admitting that he had thought about it and even initially mistook his feelings for her as romantic. Slowly coming to the realization that he just has mommy issues and she was a motherly figure in his life when he needed one. I love this.

I love that Yuki grows out of his crush for Tohru and fully admits a romantic relationship would never work between them because it just wouldn't be honest. He's just not into her like that, BUT, he genuinely cares for her and cherishes the relationship they do have. Going on to play an almost protective roll for her as her and Kyo's relationship changes. He's often reminding Kyo that he better shape up if he ever wants to be the right partner for Tohru. Because Yuki still wants the best for Tohru and I think that's so precious.

I wish I saw more relationships like this in media. Two straights of the opposite sex having a non-sexual and/or romantic but still genuine and fulfilling relationship. WHAT A FUCKING CONCEPT.

In conclusion: because I'm on drugs and tired, I'm still in love with Yuki Soma. But not in a 12yr old "omg he's so cute." Kind of way. In a, "this is my comfort character I often go back to, to remind me to continue to work and grow on myself." Kind of way lol

So on my bad days I like to remember:

Yuki would want me to grow and heal and love myself. He would be proud of how far Ive come and how far I'll go. And maybe in another 10yrs I'll be 32 and I'll be able to look back on Fruits Basket and be thankful I had it in my life when I did.

[topherfoxtrot]

Ice cold eyes❄️

❄️Anders Cain smut yeahh. Don't worry you don't need to watch the movie, just keep in mind he's a hockey player with daddy and anger issues.

✨As usual reader is first person and neutral. The dialogue is fun but the text gets super explicit at the end. Be advised. TWs include sex obviously, daddy calling, feet kissing and cum swallow.

🙏Don't forget to like, reblog or comment anything if you enjoyed this piece of moral depravity ^^

Being Anders' neighbor was weird. Some days I could listen to him screaming at the tv or at the cellphone. Some nights I could hear his bed moving around while he had sex. Sometimes his apartment would stay in absolute silence for almost a month. Other times I could listen to him crying in the dark. Those usually came after he had a phone call with his dad.

Tonight was one of those nights. I have a really good hearing so I could always hear his cellphone's ringtone. I paused the Netflix show I was watching and silently walked towards the wall so I could hear him better. Anders' 'hey dad' was kinda of shy. There was some silence. He tried to speak but his father on the other end of the call interrupted him. Anders listened to whatever his dad was saying in silence, except for an occasional deep sigh. He tried to speak again but was interrupted once more. Anders finished the call with a "yes sir".

I knew what was coming but I couldn't take myself away from the wall. I listened to the few dragged footsteps Anders made before collapsing on what I assumed was his couch. Anders cried as silently as he could, I never saw his tears but I could listen to the sniffs. At this point a huge part of me had already decided going to his house so I could help him in some way. I had to wait for the next stage though.

Anders got up and growled. Like a feral animal he approached his punching bag and started to beat the shit out of it. After living next to Anders for more than a year I could actually pinpoint when he was casually training and when he was having one of those anger releasing moments. I walked around my house trying to come up with an excuse to pay him a visit while the punching continued.

There was not a cup of sugar or borrowed plastic pot or any favor to return. We barely ever talked to each other apart from the eventual good mornings and good evenings we would say to each other when we crossed on the hall. Hell I only knew his name because I heard some of his friends saying it in own of those boys nights they have.

I pressed my lips and frowned in disappointment before walking back to the wall. The punching had stoped. I took a deep breath while gathering the courage to actually go talk to him. I left my apartament and walked towards his door still minding my steps as if I was doing something imoral (like invading his privacy). It took me a couple moments to actually knock on his door. I heard him moving around, he clearly wasn't expecting anyone.

When Anders opened the door the first thing I noticed was the bandaid on his nose and the little wound on his left eyebrow. And of course his eyes were bloated due to the recent crying. We were both wearing the same clothes: sweatpants and an old t-shirt. He sniffled hard before talking softly.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm gonna be honest with you." I switched the weight on my feet, "I know you have been crying."

Anders looked at me like I've just caught him completely naked. His eyes traveled to my bare feet and up to my head real fast. They crossed the hall and then stopped at my eyes. It felt like there was more than one sentence forming inside his head at the same time. I purposefully passed my hands on my arms and elbows. He blinked a couple times before inviting me to come in as I knew he would.

The punching bag felt familiar even though I've never actually seen it. I spotted the couch too and the tv. His apartment had the same blueprint than mine and yet it looked really different. I could tell that some of the furniture was too expansive to be there. And the whole place smelled like the cleaning products I couldn't afford to buy. In an instant I remembered all the occasions I would hear the broom and the vacuum working at his apartment. Anders' voice took me out of my own thoughts.

"I'm sorry you heard me." He came from the kitchen holding a glass of water.

"You don't need to!" I reassured him.

"No." Anders shook his head, "I shouldn't cry like that. I'm a grown up. I can take it."

I actually chuckled upon hearing that. He looked offended so I quickly grabbed the glass of water to assert some kindness.

"I'm sorry! It's just that... that's not what being an adult is about. At all! Besides my relationship with my dad is also not good so I can definitely relate."

"You heard the call too?"

"Come on Anders we've been living next to each other for over a year man!" I almost spit the water when I realized what the silence he made actually meant. He never told me his name. I chuckled again, embarrassed this time, "Sorry, I heard your friends calling you that."

He quickly looked at the wall as if trying to see through into my apartment.

"My hearing is above average good, I guess." I smiled akwardly, "And the walls are super thin."

"Actually now that I think about it." Anders looked at me again, from head to toe like he did at the door, "I've heard you to."

Hearing that made my spine freeze. I replayed all my days in my mind. I work from home so I basically stay indoors 24/7. I often listen to music but never loud enough to disturb anyone. I also listen to podcasts while cooking and always end up crying with Netflix shows not targeted to my age. What has he heard??

"what have you heard?"

Anders actually smiled. He walked to the kitchen and came back with a bottle of expensive wine and two cups.

"Are you in a hurry?"

***

We spend some good forty minutes talking on his couch while drinking wine and eating sunflower seeds. Anders said it was about the gains. 'Sunflower seeds are for the winners!', on his words.

We exchanged cooking recipes and cleaning techniques. We also talked about how hard (yet good) it was to live alone. I talked about my work at the computer and he talked about his hockey games and how he would sometimes travel to play far away leagues, which explained his occasional absence.

As the alcohol made it's magic we started to talk about more silly stuff. He said that I had a really bad taste in music, which I agreed. I said that once I found out his name and heard his friends using all this sport vocabulary I googled 'Anders + hockey' to figure out who he was. And I was actually quite surprised he was considerably famous even though I had no idea who he was. I almost considered selling his address to crazy fans. That made him laugh

"How are they like?" I poured more wine into both our glasses, "The fans I mean."

"Eh, you know." Anders shrugged, "Some of them want to drink a beer with you. Some of them want to kiss you. And some of them want to kidnap you."

"And have you ever been kidnapped?"

"Only on purpose." Anders winked at me. That made me smile. His beard was not really my thing but looking closely he was indeed quite attractive. Or maybe that was just the wine talking.

"I mean, I'm at your house and you're drunk. I could very much kidnap you right now couldn't I?" without putting any thoughts into it I raised my feet to the couch because they're so so damn cold. Anders grabbed my feet softly and placed them on his lap.

"You're also drunk. Do you think you can keep me here?"

"At this point we both know that you can only get kidnapped if you're willing to. So the question is: do you want me to kidnap you, Anders Cain?"

He looked at me with those bright blue eyes of his while gently caressing my feet. Slowly and without taking his eyes off me Anders brought my left foot closer to him and kissed it. No one has ever done that to me. And very few people have looked at at me the way he was looking.

"How much do you think you father would pay for your rescue?"

"Honestly? Not much..." Anders placed my foot on his lap again and for a few seconds he looked away from me. I bit my lip in frustration.

"Let's put it this way then." I placed my almost empty glass of wine on the expansive mat, "What about you being daddy tonight?"

The look on Anders' face made it clear that no one has ever offered him such position before. And I was so glad I could be the first to help him explore such profanity. His hands moved from my feet to my ankles. I got closer to him and grabbed his glass of wine to placed it on the mat as well. From this distance I could see a little bit of gray in his eyes. We kissed.

At first softly. His beard felt weird against my cheeks and chin, but not for long. I could taste the wine on his lips and mouth. Once his tongue came into play I felt his hands on my thighs. That made me kiss him even harder. It's been more than a month since the last time I had sex, I definitely missed the touch. I tried to jump on his lap but he grunted in pain and quickly asked me to back away.

"What is it?" I asked worried.

"Hockey stuff." He briefly explained before taking off his shirt to reveal the wounds around his ribs and shoulders. In the heat of the moment that only made me desire Anders even more. I took my shirt off and got up to get closer to him. I gently placed my hands on his waist before kissing him again.

"Don't worry." I whispered, "I'll be gentle daddy."

That made Anders hyperventilate briefly, which of course only made me proud of myself. I kissed his big hands. Then I kissed his forearms and biceps. His shoulders were broad and strong and yet lean. I kissed his shoulders and back being careful not to put too much pressure of the wounds. He flinched slightly but didn't ask me to stop.

Facing Anders again I grabbed the sweatpants and lowered them slowly. His eyes followed mine like that scene from karate kid. That made me feel powerful but I promised 'daddy' I would be kind. I would bring him to orgasm. I would bring him to forget his problems for a while. I would bring him to relax.

I grabbed Anders' dick in order to pull him into his room, but he didn't move. Instead he pulled me closer and kissed my neck. His bite made electricity run through my whole body. When we parted he looked at me with such predator eyes. Blue as ice. Sharp as a knife. Terrifying is not the best word to describe it but it's the first one that comes to mind.

Suddenly I remembered all those videos I digged up online of Anders beating the shit out of other hockey players. Did he look at them the same way he was looking at me? Did they like it as much as I am? Unfiltered duo to the alcohol I whispered.

"You're crazy."

"You like it." He whispered back.

It felt like we should smile but we didn't. Our eyes kept locked in a horny stare. I grabbed his dick again and pulled him into his room without taking my eyes off his. Same blueprint. The thing that catch my attention was the daisy flowers on Anders' bedstand. They seemed out of place for some reason. Or maybe I just didn't know him well enough.

I made him sit on the bed, back on the headboard. He made himself comfortable and I got naked in front of him. He looked at me from head to toe for the third time that night. I licked my own lips in anticipation. His dick was rock hard. Inviting me.

I crawled towards Anders. My hands caressing his ankles and thighs. I kissed him in the mouth again before kissing his neck. He grunted with my weight on him, but only slightly. I then proceeded to kiss his chest and nipples. With my mouth I followed his blonde treasure trail. I kissed his balls testing their sensitivity. Then licked his dick from base to head. When I finally put his cock inside my mouth Anders shivered a little.

His dick was not too long or thick. It was avarage but it only made it easier for me to do my thing. I absolutely took my time. I payed attention to every moan and slight movement Anders made. Slowly deciphering what he liked best.

When I felt like he was approaching climax I went faster for the final prize. He started to moan louder like I've heard from my apartment. I recognized it. I knew it was time. I swallowed his dick into my throat until I felt my nose touching his pubes. He cummed hard into my mouth. I closed my eyes and moaned loudly as I swallowed spunk after spunk of his delicious cum.

After his orgasm I kept sucking his dick until it became soft again. Anders kept moving his finger toes around and grunting in pleasure as I finished my job. When I eventually got satisfied I moved to get off the bed but Anders pulled me back to a kiss. His eyes were still as blue as ice but they looked at me with much more kindness now. We both took a deep breath before kissing again.

***

I didn't like to sleep in the house of the people I had sex with but my apartment was literally a few steps away so I didn't mind. Anders and I took a shower together. We were more sober at the time and talked drowned in the kind of intimacy only an orgasm can grant you, even if temporarily. I slept on his bed with him. We woke up a few times because I would accidentally put my weight on one his hockey wounds.

In the next morning he left to train and I left to my apartment for working. He spend a couple days away and I caught myself checking the hockey leagues every now and then. We had sex some other times after that. I don't know if we consider ourselves friends but one thing is for sure: at this point we know each other better than anyone.

[laurasauras-reads]

Rereading Homestuck, post 1

i'm rereading homestuck! anyone who even vaguely knows me knows that i'm very familiar with the text, but while i've reread bits and pieces a lot, it's been a couple years since my last cover-to-cover reread.

quick disclaimer for those who don't know me: i write fanfic which is definitely regarded as problematic, but that's not reflective of my real world ideals. kinda weird that i feel the need to say that for the shippy ones and not for the violent ones, but there we go. just putting that out there so that no one follows me who thinks that engaging in fanwork is a form of moral activism or whatever. (my ao3 is laurasauras for those wanting to have a peek, i've written a bit of everything!)

anyway, onto the reread! if you haven't read homestuck in its entirety, including the beyond canon stuff and games etc, there may be spoilers. proceed with caution!

john is so cute omg

seriously, his little face. i want 10

i want to take a sec to appreciate that john's con air picture is the width of a double bed and almost the height of a wall

i love the little smiley he uses to mark his birthday

this is interesting, because every fic writer ever including myself writes john as loathing cake, but he's been eating it all day. seems like he's just very reasonably overloaded on something too sweet. there's only so much cake one can eat! and the house is quite literally lousy with cakes

okay, a number of things:

THE WALLPAPER. which, actually, i would also be proud of this. it captures something. i assume that dave could only aspire to something this hideous, and the fact that it's executed with perfect sincerity would kill him

john's programming files are ^cake. the ^ symbol is called a carrot, therefore you can read them as .carrotcake. possibly obvious, given the icons? but still a fun detail

the ~ATH one is similar. ~ is called a tilde, ~ath = tildeath. that'll come up again with the trolls, when karkat and sollux use ~ath to attach their programming statements to the death of the universe

the START button is ACTUATE. i really love hussie's way of using words. it's not even that they have a killer thesaurus, because i have one of those and let me tell you, the words that they use aren't standard synonyms. they're just like this. i wish i could know whether they did have some Better Thesaurus. it is taking great restraint right now for me to not look on my favourite online bookstore to see if they have cool thesauruses.

and of course typheus as a web browser. i cannot say for certain, but hussie gives me the vibes of a plantser. they did these first pages from reader prompts, so they were improvising a lot by default, which doesn't speak to having a rigid outline in my mind. in my experience, it's actually super easy to write something and make callbacks that seem as if you were foreshadowing things, especially when you throw as much stuff out there as hussie did. in saying that, they did stuff like name the kids' browsers for their denizens. so it's hard to say how much they planned/pantsed.

more examples of hussie's use of words. "rancorous". i'm reading all the rest as synonyms of "friendly", including "bully", like "oh, bully for you!" which is a bit out of fashion now but makes more sense in context.

ah, they are in love. (joking. unless?)

this is just an excellent way to begin the dialogue (pesterlog) of homestuck, dave and john have such choice reactions. "try using your brain numbnuts" is a brilliant quote. i also tend to forget that john isnt the only one to forgo contractions. not all the time, but all the characters share some tendencies despite their distinctiveness.

"hey did you get this game you want to play together? not like i'm interested or even want to play with you but you should go check now"

"did you see how it got slammed in game bro????" - this is fucking hilarious, like we get to read this review later and it says literally nothing about playing sburb, plus the magazine is a huge joke. i love that both john and dave read it. i assume rose does as well, actually. i'm putting this line down to masterful irony

[activisthelps]

so like... i'm kinda interested to hear about your no faceclaim rpc idea... and how it would work/ how you would like it to work idk idk idk... it just... really intrigues me tbh

i was really hoping to elaborate on this eventually, so thank you so much for the ask! for anyone looking for a reference, i proposed in an earlier post that i would like to see, in the future of the rpc, no faceclaims being used! here’s what my thought process is on this. and by the way, as a disclaimer, by no means am i trying to criticize anyone’s roleplaying habits. that’s not what i’m trying to do at all!! i use faceclaims myself!! we all do!!

i’m not exactly sure how it would work, or of any alternative to fcs. unless the alternative is just to stop using faceclaims, simply. here’s why i think so, though!

we use famous people with a lot of content to represent our characters. perhaps even if we started using faceclaims that are athletes or lesser known models, youtubers. if we used films and shows from non-white countries, etc. even that would make our characters more diverse in the rpc.

but we don’t. we use lily collins, matthew daddario, and other thin, white, cis, able-bodied and sometimes problematic fcs to represent our characters. because that’s what the media favors, so that’s what we favor as a society, too. we clump together korean people with japanese people and chinese people, and act like they’re interchangeable. same thing with indigenous & polynesian & latine fcs. i can count on one hand how many shows and movies i’ve watched with autistic actors, or people who use wheelchairs, or use an actual trans or nonbinary person to play trans and nonbinary characters. we erase their identities or pretend they don’t exist because there is an over-abundance of media on people that conform to european beauty standards and european beauty standards only!

we use the excuse, so often, that there aren’t enough resources for other, more diverse faceclaims than the same thin, white, cis, able-bodied, etc, fcs. so this is me offering a solution: let’s stop relying on faceclaims to represent our characters. characters in novels don’t have or need them, and they get their point across just fine!! let’s describe them physically, their style and the shade of their eyes & skin. their tattoos and scars and hairstyle. there’s no possible way we can convey everything we need to convey in a thread in terms of the actions, expressions and dialogue of our characters, with simply what has been shown on tv. we are writers, creators. we don’t have to rely on other people’s content to make something seem real.

i realize, also, that this isn’t entirely realistic and might seem really far-fetched!! there are so so so many rphs out there who have dedicated hours on top of hours making resources for faceclaims to use as a visual during threads and for applications, including myself! it’d be a complete waste to not give them their fair go in the tags. 

and also, everyone uses them, right? that’s always a part of an application. then you have to look at the long lists of who is taken, so now even if you had a visual idea for a character, you can’t use that person because someone else’s character looks like them too. after that, you’ve got to jump to the long list of banned faceclaims. your character resembles eiza gonzalez in a way, but that can’t be okay because the actual eiza gonzalez is problematic and her face is banned from this place, like looks are the only valuable substance of your character.

on top of that, there are also a lot of writers and roleplayers who can’t join rps because they can’t find a faceclaim but they’re required, or they can’t see a small gif icon or heavy texture that is distorting a photo on a thread. that, or they are discouraged from doing so because no one looks like them. or no one knows this fc so no one interacts. let’s please, please stop with the excuses. there is almost always a solution, a little push towards change that we can start chipping away at even if it starts small. don’t jump on the bandwagon or feel obligated to use a face you don’t want to use just because people are more likely to interact with you. you should not have to tailor your decisions to other people’s desires!!

another thing, eliminating the use of faceclaims will also put more of our focus back on the writing aspect. i find myself getting frustrated with myself and my replies because with just text it looks boring. but i’m still proud to have gone from using gif icons of a mascot, to normal gifs of a mascot, to finally having no mascot at all. i don’t take forever to post answers anymore because. a picture might be worth a thousand words but we don’t draw our icons or choose every tiny detail of the faceclaim in the resource we choose to use. it’s really hard to find a gif of exactly what we need it to look like, and exactly how your character is doing it. sometimes we resort to using one that doesn’t even fit at all. and oftentimes i find myself actually tailoring, and editing my writing to what is being portrayed in the photo because what i want to say in writing doesn’t fit the picture. exactly what i want to say exists in no picture or gif.

this got really really long and possibly off topic in some places but here’s my hot take!! i’d love to hear others’ thoughts or opinions on this, or other ideas! obviously the idea isn’t fully developed and is just that, an idea. i don’t know every result this might have on the community, or if this has already been talked about. i know it’s not realistic and if it is, it’s far from getting there. this is just me telling you all about an idea & thought i had!

[emystic-a]

20-24~?

♡ Munday Meme ♡ / Accepting! / @silvxcs

20. How do you overcome writer’s block?

I’m going to be 100% with you on this, I don’t really how. When I don’t feel like writing I just disappear for a while, then I force myself to come back. I think writing lore and character development points on my muses or memes like this help me out a lot too; I guess because my hands are getting use to writing again?

21. Are there certain characters that you gravitate towards?

I think I can take this question and think about it in two different ways. Certain characters I like interacting with and characters I like using to interact with.

Though I’m not very picky about the characters I interact with, I do tend seek out other OCs or people with muses from a broad universe or have AUs. Something that’s overly specific, I don’t ever mind making AUs to help someone interact with me but also it’s nice to not always having to.

For my own, I think I go through phases sometimes. I know for a fact, I use to be known as that one person who was constantly making dead people, experimented people, aliens or unconventional mystic or monster OCs.

22. Short, medium, or long threads?

Medium (and long, but not novella length) is the way for me. Short responds do nothing for me and I also hate giving them, this is also why I love for people to be specific with me. I hate responds I can’t build nothing with or the other can’t, so it just dies because it’s nothing to do or it’s just really boring. When it come to my own starters I like to give at least a paragraph even if the muse said only one line of dialogue, to help establish the situation or the character.

23. Do you ever get jealous when rping? How do you handle this?

I don't think I would really call this certain feeling I get “jealousy”, going to be real I'm too old for any true form of jealousy that isn't my actual life. I do feel irritated though when others I'm mutuals with don't interact with me, but I see them being super active the more it goes on. At a certain point, I get done with it . Don't take up my dash space if you don't need to y'know.

I get kinda irritated with certain muses constantly being bombarded too, but others being left in the dust. It made me not want to use certain muses anymore in the past. I respect if that's the only muse someone is interested in, but when you got more than a single mutual then it's not really justifiable at that point to me; when you have a bunch of followers that either don’t interact with you, plus ones that act almost obsessive over one or maybe two muses it gets overwhelming and frustrating.

24. What about your muse are you most proud of?

Since I'm a multimuse blog, I will take this moment to say what I'm proud of all my muses. Their backstories, lore, those are things I am the most prideful of. The fact that I feel like many of these characters such complex and multifaceted, well maybe younger ones that more simple like Mika and Yue but even they I take a lot of time to right them how I feel a child would act. I wanted them all to seem believable in how they behave, how their backstory, where they are, age even builds who they are.

This sense of pride I have in that aspect is what makes me always look over my muses, seeing if I need to improve how I write them or is it just some points of them not adding up. In the past, feeling like my muses was put in a box or only seen as a source of certain types of interactions was the surefire to piss me off. This is due to how freaking proud of how I felt of layered or just plain out interesting they was to me.