#my angels and demons

[kasienda]

2, 4, and 5 for the writer asks!

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

Invisible Wounds - Sailor Moon - AmiZoi

So... I self inserted myself into this fic as Zoisite's mother. Not because I feel any super connection to Zoisite, but because I figured that was a really really easy way to make her feel real as an original character with just a line or two of dialogue here or there. She's a minor character. Like super minor. But since she's me, I gave Zoi's little brother the same disorder as my son (when I could have picked ANTYHING else). And like, it's a life limiting condition and for plot reasons I needed his little brother to die. (Do you see where I'm going with this??) So I did a ton of research specifically into how my son's disorder will eventually kill him. And then I wrote the fucking scene. Let's just say I cried doing the research, I cried writing the scene, and every now and again I go back and read it and cry all over again. Like WHY would I do this to myself? (I think it's because I needed to know, and doing it for a fic meant I could pretend there was a layer of psychological defense, which there absolutely wasn't).

The ironic thing is the research that killed me for this piece is for an unposted chapter near the end of the story. And it's getting increasingly difficult for me to work on this story because it is a medical drama centered around an epidemic that I started writing in 2016 before pandemics were a part of my daily life. And it's not that writing about an epidemic is hard/dark, so much as it feels like work, instead of an escape. So I'm not sure anyone is even going to get to read the scene! (But I got a comment on this story a few weeks back and I reread a lot of the upcoming bits, and it's sooooo good. It's a story that deserves to be told... too bad I don't currently have those mental emotional spoons).

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort?

Best Friends and Boyfriends - Miraculous Ladybug - Adrino

This is the most self indulgent fic I have ever written in my life, and when I'm low and just want to smile and laugh, this is the fic I go to most often. I lvoe the relationship, its development, the conflict, the make up from their fight, and the reveal! And it is the perfect length to get some development, and still be read in about an hour.

And honestly, I can reread almost any of my fics. I will often pick the one that I haven't read in the longest amount of time (also depends on what I'm in the mood for), and then sit back and kinda just be amazed that I wrote the thing? It's crazy. But I love that I have my own little library that is kinda tailored just to me!

5. what fic of your own won't you read?

I don't know that I have a fic I won't read. (See above), but the one that comes closest?

Anything to Protect You - Sailor Moon - Usamamo Fake Dating

Now, I'm actually insanely proud of this fic, and to this day think it's one of the better things I've written. It's got one of the best kisses I've ever written, some positively adorable dates, one of the best battles I've ever written, and a really satisfying reveal moment!!

So why don't I like to read it? Because I hated writing it!! It was a gift for an exchange and so it had to be finished. And it was tailored to my giftee so perfectly and I was excited about THAT, but it was late and ended up taking up a good six months. Actually, one of the things I LOVE about this fic is that it really taught me that I could 1) be disciplined and finish the things I wanted to finish whatever my brain had to say about it (ha!), and 2) could write a really good story even when I myself wasn't invested.

I do occasionally reread it and am floored by some of the moments in it, but it also brings up all the feelings/memories of obligation and forcing myself to work on it when my heart wanted to work on other things. So I think I resent it sometimes that OTHER things didn't get finished instead (like Invisible Wounds!!). But on the other hand, I'm really really glad it exists as well. And clearly this one is going to be read by way more people than my rarepair content ever will. Feelings are complicated.

Thank you @karkalicious769 for the ask!

Send me some Deep fic writer Asks!

[photophoros]

Sinner

[hansoeii]

crowley!

[thethoriumreactor]

Have a meme because I have no self control

Lucifer just seems like the kinda guy who’d lose his mind over ppl being too hot (our bi short king)

I spent way too much effort on this pls like it ily 🙏

Bonus (radioapple) doodles as always (edit: I. I just realised I forgot Al’s monocle in both doodles. I am dying inside. Why did no one tell me.):

[perplexingly]

Spirit companions

[whereserpentswalk]

Reblog to get the creature to come to you. Like to give them a little gift of some sort.

[goldsnek]

No pics!

[fullychaotichell]

Can't believe I haven't read the new chapter of OSAS because I was focused on finishing these silly joke doodles pfff

Okay, so, the premise of this joke is that Lucifer and Alastor's relationship has grown so much without anyone else knowing anything about it, but they're also both sillies who have funny ways of showing their friendship and now romance, so I just wanted to doodle that for fun pfff

Also, even tho they promised to keep their romance a secret, I BET these fuckers would get themselves caught, like, they've been caught looking romantic a dozen other times just by Vox alone, not to even mention other characters ppfpfpfp

Anyways, @morningstarwrites I had a peek at the new chapter and saw we're back to team HARD, I'm so happy pfpfpfpf

Bonus:

[rocas-are-doing-well]

I stole the joke from @mimisempai, because it made me laught sooo much. Hope you'll like it 💙

You can find the original version here, and more funny fanmade shenaningans on her blog

Flap Flap Flap ha ha ha ha ha

[nova2cosmos]

Parents with they Kids✨

(Aka Boy night vs Girls night+alastor)

[shanastoryteller]

i know supernatural is the show of missed opportunities but man. the trials really get to me - what a perfect way to reboot and reset this show that you're artificially extending for ratings. it could have been really, really good, actually

so the trials of god is a way for someone to gain the ability to seal the gates of hell and the gates of heaven

they have the translation for hell, they know that slamming the gates of hell shut means calling all the demons back home and locking the key. it's logical, then, to for them to believe the same is true of the one for heaven - that it calls all the angels back home and locks them away where they can't do any more damage

peace, for the people of earth, outside of the influence of angels and demons. that's got to be worth it, right?

so while sam is completing the hell trials, they get the angel tablet, kevin gets translating, to figure out the angel trials. or maybe metatron helps nudge them along to figuring it out, since him being the big bad here isn't really relevant and they are in a bit of time crunch

canon doesn't tell us what the heaven trials are, except that the first one involves a ritual using the heart of a nephilim. they make it sound like they're carving it from their chest, but what i would do is

have a nephilim offer you their heart from their chest (gain their loyalty in a binding ceremony)

create grace from freshwater (there is no rain that falls anywhere on earth that is safe to drink and god said let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters)

find a human soul to guide you to heaven (babel fell but the stairway was built and those with wings have no need of stairs)

so sam is in the midst of the hell trials when dean sort of accidentally on purpose completes the first heaven trial and then the brothers are on parallel train tracks heading in the opposite direction

sam works to close the gates of hell

dean works to close the gates of heaven

demons and angels both working to stop them

sam completes the trials. he restores crowley's humanity and he dies and the gates of hell are closed

but that's not the end

metatron says they can close the gates if they're willing to pay the price. canon says the price is sam's death, but frankly that doesn't make any sense. what's the death of one human against the horrors of hell? and remember, metatron doesn't know the winchesters. maybe another angel would make this comment, knowing how the winchesters have weighed the safety of the world against their brother and left the world out to dry, would think this a price worth warning for. but metatron wouldn't bother, wouldn't even think of it, if that was the only price

the gates of hell close and malevolent spirits explode across the globe, evil spirits and angry ghosts causing death and destruction everywhere

hell serves a function and now the gates are closed and every evil human soul is forced to stay on earth, causing as much destruction as it can

that's the price for closing the gates of hell

except. except. aren't the hell trials interesting?

kill a hellhound. rescue an innocent soul and return it to heaven. purify a demon and restore their humanity.

the trials are not to prove if someone is worthy of closing the gates of hell. it's to prove they're capable of setting hell to rights

the trials are if things got too out of hand, if things were taken too far, and hell had to be put back in it's place. sam dies and ends up exactly where azazel wanted him - ruler of hell. all the demons and souls are trapped with him and what he has to do, while he has them all there, while they can't escape, is exactly what he did to get there

he kills the hellhounds, leaving only those meant to patrol hell. he releases every innocent soul bound there. he purifies the demons one by one, who he either releases as innocent souls or who to pledge to do their job as demons of hell - punishing evil, containing evil - in penance for what they did before (how do i even begin to make up for what i've done, crowley had asked, and this is the answer)

meanwhile, dean, heartbroken, completes the heaven trials and dies

and the gates of heaven slam shut and all the angels are stripped of their grace and expelled from heaven and dean finds himself in charge of an empty heaven

the trials are for when things have gone too far and heaven must be rebuilt, after all

good souls pile up, no one who dies able to truly leave earth, and given enough time they become twisted things that must be hunted along with the spirits of evil men and women who cause chaos from their last breath

dean has work to do. he has one angel - the nephilim whose loyalty he earned in the first trial - and this is what he has to do. he recruits more, to replace the ranks, he creates grace and hands it out judiciously. he sends them to guide the good souls home, using the stairway that the former angels wouldn't be able to use even if they wanted to, and each good act and deed earns them a little more grace. former angels throw themselves into the fight for humans, because they know it's the only way that dean will return their grace to them and lift them back into heaven

and in fighting for them, in living like them, they learn to love these creations of their father that they'd despised. they see what he saw and the thought of destroying this place in a civil war becomes unthinkable to them. they are once more the angels god intended them to be

in this, dean and sam fulfill their destiny as lucifer and michael's vessels. not in letting them in, but in pushing them out, in doing the work each was intended for but refused

only when there is only evil human souls being punished and caged, only once the demons are once more working to run hell and earn their release to heaven, does sam reopen the gates of hell

only when there's a full choir of angels once more, committed to their cause, only once there are souls working with reapers as it once always was, does dean reopen the gates of heaven

they're called the god trials for a reason. above and below, sam and dean act as god, putting things back in their intended places

they could stay. they should stay. keeping house, making sure it all goes smoothly, eternally keeping earth safe from angels and demons both

they're called the god trials for a reason. not even god could resist the paradise inbetween that he'd created

dean doesn't know if sam is going to return to earth. he might stay in hell, and if dean becomes human once more, then what's the point? he'll live and die a human, get stuck in heaven, and be forever separated from the brother he loves

sam doesn't know if dean is going to return to earth. he migh not be able to, might be stuck doing his work - sam assumes if the hell trials did this to him, then the heaven trials did the same to dean, and the idea that dean could have failed the heaven trials after he dies doesn't even cross mind. if he returns and dean's not there then he loses it all, he never again gets to see the brother he loves

but when, exactly, haven't they been willing to risk everything for each other?

dean falls as lucifer fell, throwing himself towards earth

sam rises as michael did after the fall, pulling himself towards earth the same way michael once pulled himself to the top of heaven

what's the use of being a god without his brother, after all?

dean and sam are reunited on earth, human once more

no more angels, no more demons, heaven and hell functioning once more as they should. we're back to basics, a clean slate, all of the rest remade and set aside by their own hands (it's literal and a metaphor, the way the show could have remade itself with the trials, after setting aside kripke's plan while at the same time recognizing that the design of it - two brothers who love each other going across america and fighting evil - is the thing that made it worth watching to begin with) and now it's them again, brothers forged in blood and sacrifice and love, and a new appreciation for the humanity they gave up and returned to

and then we get my beloved monster of the week with no stupid too high stakes, convoluted bullshit involved, beyond the occasional angel who dean refused to reinstate and demon tracking down miscreant souls and, every once in a while, a person or creature or something in between squinting at them and going - weren't you two gods?

nah, they say, all corn fed grins and the dimples their momma gave them, we're brothers

[tampire]

#Shooting their shot

[magpie-allosaurus]

LEAVE IT!

[murgoten]

when an angel falls, they turn into a demon

[fjaskgf]

angel sketches that did well on twitter

[yuutaguro]

[papamin au 🐅] got the whole world in his arms 💛 (donation request)