#also I’m pretty sure the next couple of eps are going to make me cry and I’d rather deal with that tomorrow

[fandomfairyuniverse]

Okay that’s enough emotional turmoil for one evening I’ll do the last 3 eps tomorrow

[carnelianwings]

Finished Mobile Suit Gundam: the Witch from Mercury and oh my god that series finale. One of the best I’ve seen in a while, probably the only one where I feel satisfied by the ending for the main ship.

(Spoilers behind the cut, plus some rambling as a casual Gundam fan - mostly of Wing/SEED/00 for comparison)

First off - explicit confirmation that SuleMio got married during the time skip? Can’t believe Bamco really said “Finale airs close enough to the end of June, let’s not only have both of them survive, but we’ll have them get married.”

I know there’s some people who think it wasn’t overt enough but if you ask me, this is the sort of ending Gundam does for their main ships. Like yeah Kira/Flay got pretty explicit but she wasn’t the End Game girl for him, that was Lacus and Kira/Lacus is super chaste in comparison (and we’re not going to get into the potential Unfortunate Implications of that here). But even then, in the SEED Destiny remaster finale all we get is a Big Damn Hug for them. The most we ever got for Heero/Relena was the moment where Heero tells her he’ll take out the leaders of both the Earth and Space Colony factions to lay the world at Relena’s feet for her to lead into a new era of peace. (There’s a reason the BL ships are way more popular in Wing fic than the canonical one! 😂) And as for 00’s Setsuna? He merged with an alien consciousness and essentially gets Put On A Bus for 50 years and reunites with his Princess when she’s 81 and blind.

Which brings me to my next point - because the lead writer for G Witch worked on Valvrave (trigger warning for sexual assault if you want to watch Valvrave - it was a late night anime and it showed), I was worried they’d either kill off Miorine in the series finale or put Suletta in a coma (highly possible with how Gundam technology works in universe, plus all the warning signs around Calibarn) to keep things “nebulous” between them and give the writers an out for not having a F/F ship final couple. And it’s not like Gundam doesn’t have precedent for that either - see the Zeta Gundam finale and what happened with Kamille (not sure if that ending got changed with the movies).

But no, we get an “and they lived happily ever after, making their dreams a reality one step at a time” for both girls. I couldn’t believe my ears when Eri referred to herself as Miorine’s sister in law. I started crying when I saw the rings, not just because that was Suletta’s dream, but also the fact that it meant they got married, and that they’ve just been put on a level above most other (Straight) canonical Gundam ships. (Seriously I can’t name another canonical Gundam ship where the characters met, dated, and got married in the course of their own series.) It also meant all the times Miorine reached out to Prospera by saying they’ll be family wasn’t just lip service but had some very real weight behind it. That the Ship Tease moments were meant to be real romantic relationship development beyond the sort of “fake engagement” set up they had in the beginning. And somehow just by doing that it also means they had a much stronger and better fleshed out relationship than what I’m used to for on screen main Gundam ships.

So there you have it. My (not so) hot take on the G Witch finale.

Final rating: 🌈/10, thank you for not Fridging/Coma-ing either Suletta nor Miorine, would watch again, would definitely buy and play their Super Robot Taisen debut game (assuming I have a platform to play it on). Second season could’ve been better with an extra ep in there especially with all the rapid fire politics and side switching, but at the same time I feel like it might’ve slowed things down a bit much so I’m happy with what we got. Also, Super Robot Taisen debut when, Bamco?

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

 July 2021 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Boy the series Ep 1 - no subs. It’s exactly like the trailer, cool dude/nerd pairing. Starts with our POV (the nerd) breaking up with his boyfriend, hottest guy on campus then bullies him over stupid stuff, sparks fly, and we’re off! Very pat, but they’re trying. The seme can actually play the guitar which is nice to see, but I sense a sing feelings trope incoming and y’all know how I feel about those. *shudder* Also the crap sound effects are strong with this one. So I guess I’m mixed but I’ll keep watching. 

Y-Destiny Ep 14 - the end of YoonLayPerth sad eps. The inherent gayness of flutes strikes again. I got excited because Tir & Masuk use rao with each other (so cute!). Did I cry? Of course. I’m a total sap. Lay is great at pining and I loved this installment. There was something almost poly about it, which I think was partly a conversation with the shippers about letting Tay have two ships, but was very cleverly done. Looks like the final next ep will simply be a wrap up/couples check in.    

Golden Blood Ep 2 - good, they gave Sky a chance to be sweet, gotta redeem the brat. Tropes included piggy back, gifts, shoulder sleep, bathroom drama, wound tending, & sponge bath plus a side dish couple (sunshine/tsundere). Bit overacted, but I’m enjoying it. 

Top Secret Together Ep 8 - look my boys are just the flirtiest things EVER and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Seriously, they have no shame. It’s great. Don’t really care about the others anymore but the friendship aspect is cute. La la la. 

Nitiman Ep 9 - mostly just them eating and drinking together and then eating some more. I’m okay with that. Quality entertainment. Bit of manufactured drama at the end, rumors that 10 will be the last episode and I could see that happening, they seem to have run out of steam. But MDL still says 12. 

Hometown’s Embrace Ep 1-3 - picked up this pulp at the rec of @heretherebedork​. It’s a good/bad pairing with the adorable sunshine returning to his poverty stricken home getting involved with the local loan shark muscle. Secondary couple is a noble teacher plus local punk. It’s a very unusual setting for BL and I like that but it’s also very pulp and difficult to follow. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Monster in Law AKA Mẹ Chồn Dâu Cáo (Vietnam) Ep 9-11 - This is turning into a family drama soap opera and I’m okay with that. It’s fun. The anchor couple can hold it together and I basically am just happy to see anything centered on gay domesticity. 

Be Loved in House: I Do (Taiwan) Ep 8 - how are they so soft? Why do we have to have a faen fatal? Is my heart going to survive 4 more episodes? Do we have a new entry into the best BL parents roster? GAH. SUCH A GOOD SHOW.

Light On Me 1-2 - a 16 episode high school set BL (each ep = 15min new content). It’s very cute. Super socially awkward kid decides he needs to make friends so tries joining the student council but one of them hates him. 3 possible love interests although it’s obviously the hater. Everyone is VERY pretty. 

Ossan’s Love Eps 1-4 - Hong Kong’s remake of the Japanese original. I like this cast better, the main actor is appealing even though the character is basically a lovable fool (not my favorite archetype). It’s VERY camp and so far pretty beat-for-beat like the original. I *think* I like it. I keep getting distracted by the nuances of the Hong Kong accent. The eng subs are STELLAR (of course). It’s 15 eps at 40 each so LONG for a not-Thai BL. You’ll either like the style or find it very off-putting - Japanese slapstick meets Korean sit-com. I’m not sure I’ll make it through the whole thing. 

Delays in BL

CURRENTLY DELAYED OUT OF THAILAND

Thailand has a history of announcing projects and then not green lighting them, so it’s hard to know if something is actually in production and delayed or never got out the gate. But I think that we can safely say the following are delayed for various reasons not the least of which is surging C19.

Bad Buddy - many who follow GMMTV closely think this was supposed to take over the FUTS Frigay time slot but there hasn’t been any indication that this will happen, although about a month ago we got BTS that they were workshopping it.

Bite Me (full trailer) - Mark Siwat as a delivery boy who inspires a grumpy chef. Rumors abound around illnesses.

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) - intended theater release was for April 22.

Tell the World I Love You - already completed filming, stars Perth (Ae in LBC) opposite Bas (Wayo/Wayo) in an action movie BL. Established director Poj, support cast include Bank (Gen Y) was supposed to release to theaters in the first quarter.

CURRENTLY DELAYED OUT OF KOREA

Made in Rooftop - was supposed to release somewhere last week but no one knows anything about it. Could be a delayed theater release like what is happening in Thailand. 

CURRENTLY DELAYED OUT OF TAIWAN 

 Friend or Lover - indie microfilm meets web series BL. I just get the feeling from their YouTube channel that they are struggling right now to get the 4th (and final) ep out. 

Love is Science? This 20 ep May/December het romance drama with a BL subplot has been delayed at the half-way mark for over a month now, with another month to go at least. There’s something very wrong with production on this one. 

Breaking News

Korean studio Strongberry (we love them, okay?) dropped a new trailer for Sweet Curse. Usually they only do microfilms but they have done a series in the past, (Long Time No See) so this could be either. But what it definitely is, is BL horror. 

I don’t really follow BL out of the Philippines but I might have to make an exception for Tie the Not (previously known as Under the same Sky). Based on a true story, this centers on the Chinese-Filipino community and involves a gay romance, culture conflict, and challenging traditions. When the head of the Wang family dies, Blue and his parents journey to Xiamen, China to discover their roots. But an unwelcome surprise awaits Blue. (From MDL) It’s from Oxin, the studio behind My Day, who have slightly higher production values than other Pinoy houses. 

It looks like Thai studio Wabi Sabi might be bringing us a high school set BL pulp, Game On, about an older brother who discovers his younger brother is gay and starts interfering in his romances/friendships with disastrous results. It’s a big cast with lost of WS regulars so I think it’s coming from them? 

New Thai BL Check Out got a teaser. Not much info on this one, so this is likely a fund raising trailer but it’s appealing. Looks like a pulp friends to lovers, possibly f-buddies/players. The actors have worked together before in Skinship and Best has been a lot of BL (including Good in LBC), their chemistry looks solid. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International subs accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[messers-moony]

Comics 2 | A.G

Paring: Aidan Gallagher X Fem!Reader

Summary: Aidan meets an unusually pretty girl at a library while trying to find a textbook for school

Warnings: Cursing

Years later, Aidan and Y/n were now twenty-five. All these years and Aidan hadn’t seen her since he gifted her the comic book when they were just twenty. All these years later and he still loved her.

He left a bookmark in there on purpose, one with his number, but yet, she never called. It made his mind wander. Why wasn’t she calling? Maybe she wasn’t fond of calling, but even then, she never texted either.

A certain feeling of defeat lingered in his heart. Maybe she didn’t like him like that. Her words were stuck in his mind; they lagged in his head like a broken record every time he was to fall asleep.

“ Y/n L/n. Remember it. “

Why was he to remember it? She was a comic book artist, for Christ's sake, not an upcoming actress. As far as he knew, there would never be a significance to her name. A new Netflix show was in the making, another one based on comic books.

Of course, Aidan got the call. The call was a producer begging him to audition for the leading role. He would be perfect for this role, swore the producer. Aidan was hesitant but did it anyway.

Aidan wasn’t the only one in the audition room, of course, but he was only here because of the pleading the producer did. He auditioned, and that was that. Within a week's notice, they would notify him.

On his way home, he stopped by a library, the very same library he met the girl at. Sighing, he walked to the comic book section and picked up the series of comics. There were five in the series, and he bought all of them.

He walked home with a backpack filled with his belongings and now new comic books. Walking into his apartment, he unzipped his bag and took out the first comic. The male ignored who wrote and illustrated it. It didn’t really matter. Did it?

The brunette read through the first comic and was hooked almost immediately. He read through them relatively quickly, and when he finished, he was agitated. The books were completed on a cliffhanger, only leading him to assume there had to be a sixth book soon.

Three days went by, and Aidan couldn’t help but reread the comic books for a more thorough analysis. The more he read, the more he saw how similar he and the main character was.

Everything down to the hair, the dimples, the smile, and the eyes were the exact same. The mannerisms being almost identical scared him. But he realized why the producer begged him for this role. He wasn’t exaggerating when he said Aidan was the perfect candidate for it.

He finished the series a second time and stared at the cover. That’s when he realized it and then began to scold himself for how dense he could possibly be.

“ Written and Illustrated by Y/n L/n “

We’re the words written across the top of the book. That’s why the main character was so similar to him, because the girl who wrote it knew who he was. She was observant, hella observant.

Within a week's notice, as promised, Aidan got a call saying he got the role and they would fly him to New York to begin filming. He’d be leaving in a month, probably the least amount of notice he’s been given before filming a show.

Nonetheless, the month went by faster than you could blink, and he was on a plane to New York. The set was much bigger than he imagined and made his way to the producers.

“ Aidan, you came! How wonderful! “ The producer from the phone exclaimed happily, “ My names Alex. I’m so ecstatic you came. “

Alex put his hand out to shake, which Aidan accepted politely, “ I assume you’ve read the comics by now? “ A familiar voice queried.

“ I have, actually. “ Aidan replied, turning around to be met with the dyed-haired female, “ I told you, remembering my name would come in handy. “ Y/n winked.

Aidan snickered, “ Why make your main character almost exactly like me? “ Aidan questioned, fully serious, “ Because Gallagher, you’re intriguing. You also seem to attract the best audience. Not to mention you always put on a show. “ Y/n said with prominent confidence.

The way his last name rolled off her tongue almost made him faint. He adored her and wanted her to be his. Now that she was here, he’d do anything in his power to make her his.

“ So you’re using me to make your show popular? “ The male joked, “ No, don’t take it the wrong way. I used you because you’re hardworking, and you put everything into your role. You, my love, are perfect for this role. “ Y/n responded, and Aidan’s cheeks flushed at the pet name.

“ Now, I must be going. However, I will see you on set tomorrow, I presume? “ She questioned with a soft smile, “ Yeah. Definitely. “ Aidan breathed as she left.

A hand was laid upon his shoulder, “ You are completely head over heels for her, huh? “ A male voice spoke in his ear, making him jump, “ Jesus Christ Robert, where did you come from? Why are you here? “ Aidan heaved as his hand was on his heart.

“ I’ve actually earned myself a role as well as Elliot Page. I’ve never seen you so entranced. “ Robert commented, “ She's been stuck in my head for years. “ Aidan murmured.

Robert had a face of curiosity, “ We met like five years ago at a library, and I talked to her for only two hours, but by then, she had me completely wrapped around her finger. “ Aidan explained, and Robert raised an eyebrow, “ She moved the next week, and I hadn’t seen her since. “

“ Well. Better make your move soon. I’ve seen guys eyeing her up all day. “ Robert replied as he walked off.

Months later, Y/n was right. Aidan was absolutely perfect for the role without even trying. Granted, the character was practically him, but he excelled in making the role his own.

Y/n and Aidan had gotten quite close throughout those months. They seemed pretty fond of each other. She was confident, intelligent, and caring. He was thoughtful, kind, and sweet. The pair made a loving match.

However, the girl's heart was guarded, she had been let down so many times, and she didn’t want to ruin the friendship she had acquired with the famous male. Aidan, in his free time, had been working on an EP. The title and main song on it was held close to his heart.

After a couple of dates and a lot of convincing, she gave in. Aidan Gallagher had now achieved the girl of his dreams, Y/n L/n. She was everything he wanted and so much more. He was captivated by her and made sure he showed the world.

Every chance he got, he posted her everywhere. His fans absolutely adored her, possibly even more than he did. Saturday lives his fans spent begging to see the admirable female when she wasn’t present. It honestly made Aidan quite jealous.

Regardless it made Aidan’s heart feel unbelievably full that both he and his fans loved her as much as he desired. Mornings were spent holding each other with subtle morning kisses. Nights were spent eating take-out and playing the original Mario kart after many arguments that it was better than the newer versions.

Filming was almost complete, and Aidan’s stay in New York was coming to a very prominent close. A day neither lover was looking forward to. His home was in Los Angeles, and hers was in New York. There was no changing that.

“ Do you really have to go? “ Questioned the teary-eyed female, “ Unfortunately. “ Aidan sighed.

They both stood in JFK Airport as close as they could before having to depart. Aidan’s hands held her tear-stained cheeks, and she moved stray strands of hair from his forehead.

“ I promise, I will come back for you. “ Aidan pledged to, and she sniffled, nodding, “ I’ll move in with you if you want. “

Y/n looked up slightly guilty, “ I don’t want to be the reason you leave your hometown. You grew up there. Your entire family is there. I would feel awful taking you away from them. “ She admitted, “ I would be living here willingly. Plus, there’s more opportunities acting-wise here, believe it or not. Hollywood isn’t all it’s made out to be. The United Nations is also home to New York. It’d be closer to everything. “ Aidan explained.

“ If- If that’s what you want, then I wouldn’t hesitate. “ Y/n smiled softly.

Aidan pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, “ Then this isn’t really goodbye, is it? “ Aidan’s whisper left a hot breath lingering on her lips, “ No, it isn’t. “ Y/n replied.

“ Stop your crying then. I hate seeing you cry. I will come back. “ He muttered softly, wiping her tears and kissing her forehead, “ I love you. “

“ I love you too. Be safe, please. Text me when you get on and when you land, okay? “ She requested, “ Always. “ Aidan simpered.

Gently he let her go and walked away with a tiny wave. Now there were only two things left to do. Pack up all of his stuff and play one last show in Los Angeles before leaving his home.

The male pack quickly when he arrived home, way too excited to live with his new partner. His show was scheduled for that night. Tonight he’d be playing his brand new song, the main song on his latest EP, the one he held close to his heart.

Nerves ran through his body like no tomorrow as he stepped up on stage. Screams were heard throughout the entire venue, making him smile brightly.

“ Hello everyone. “ Aidan greeted, getting screams in response, “ As you all may know, I will not be living in LA for much longer. New York seems more like home now than it’s ever seemed, so after this show, I’ll be getting on a plane to my new home. “

“ While I’ll play your favorite’s such as songs like Blue Neon and Fourth of July, there’s a new song at the end I’d love for your feedback on. I hold this song very close to my heart, and I hope you all will as well. So let’s get this started. “ Aidan informed with a gleeful smile present on his lips.

Aidan began strumming the guitar and singing the all too familiar lyrics. Applause was given in between each song, only encouraging his love for music as he continued to sing— his fans sung along with him giving Aidan a sense of love and commitment.

Finally, the last song was due to play, “ I call this last one, Comics. “

[chicgeekgirl89]

The Hoodie

Fandom: 911 Lone Star

Characters: Carlos Reyes, T.K. Strand, Mateo Chavez

Summary: “...hoodies are what you wear when you want to be comfortable and feel at home. So I thought you needed one, considering the circumstances.” A little post-ep for 2x13.

A/N: I found it VERY interesting that Carlos was the one in a hoodie at the end of 2x13 since hoodies are definitely a T.K. thing. Isn't it amazing how one, teeny tiny detail can be enough for me to write an entire fic?

AO3

                                    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carlos had been on the phone for six and a half hours. Six hours and thirty-four minutes if you were being exact. And that wasn’t including the other two hours he’d spent online, trying to search up insurance information.

There had been a long call with the arson investigator, then the insurance agent, then his bank, another hour with the arson investigator, his mortgage lender…he was exhausted.

“Hey babe!” T.K. said brightly as he and Mateo returned from their shopping trip, bags in hand. Mateo had offered to drive and T.K. had taken him up on it. It was all well and good to borrow t-shirts and sweatpants, but underwear and shoes were a whole other matter. T.K. stopped and pressed a kiss to the top of his head where was sitting at the kitchen counter.

“Hey,” Carlos said scrounging up what he hoped was a convincing smile. “Looks like you were successful.”

“We got everything,” Mateo assured him. “And I mean everything. I didn’t know T.K. was a shop until you drop kind of guy, but I think he bought out the entire men’s department at Zara. And J Crew. Honestly we kind of emptied out the whole mall.”

“Did you see the texts about tonight?” T.K. asked as he rooted through a bag from Aldo.

Carlos shook his head. He’d felt the continuous buzz of the group text as he’d slogged through his conversation with the insurance agent, but hadn’t had time to look. 

“We’re hanging at the firehouse. You down?” Mateo asked.

Just the thought of it made him tired, but Carlos tried to rally. He’d fallen apart enough, it was time for him to move on, even if all he wanted to do was curl up in T.K.’s arms and cry. Again. “Yeah, sure, sounds good,” Carlos said, careful to keep his tone bright and cheerful.

T.K. shot him a quick look but didn’t say anything, so Carlos assumed he’d been successful in hiding his exhaustion. A night out with friends would be good for T.K., a distraction from all the stress of the last two days.

“Come upstairs and try some of this on,” T.K. said, gathering up all the bags.

“I’ll be up in a minute,” Carlos said. “I have a couple emails I need to send.”

It was more like half an hour than a minute because the insurance agent called back again, but eventually Carlos made his way to the guest bedroom. T.K. was standing by the bed, a new button-up hanging open as he held up and compared two belts. “That’s all yours,” he said, nodding toward a pile on Carlos’ side of the bed. “Just figure out what fits, we can take the rest back.”

Carlos was definitely not in the mood to put on a fashion show, but he took a quick look through the clothing and pulled out a polo shirt and jeans to try on. “How did the calls go today? Any progress?” T.K. asked.

Carlos sighed as he stripped off his borrowed t-shirt. “Not as much as I would like. Turns out having your home and all your worldly possessions burn up in a fire isn’t exactly the easiest insurance situation. They want copies of all the paperwork, proof that the home is burned beyond repair, a copy of the police report, the fire report, and I have to secure the site so nobody loots it. Not that there’s anything left to loot.” 

T.K. had gone over in the morning with his dad and Judd to sort through some of the wreckage, while Carlos started his calls. There had been very little that was salvageable and everything that was had been sent off to be professionally cleaned. Yet another phone call Carlos had had to make. 

“We’ll get it figured out,” T.K. said. “I can stay home tomorrow and help.”

Carlos shook his head. “No, it’s kind of a one person job. And my name is on everything so they probably won’t talk to you anyway.”

T.K.’s face softened as he took in Carlos’ frustration. “Are you sure you want to go tonight?”

“To hang with the 126? Yeah of course,” he said.

“Carlos…”

“I’m fine, really. It’s…just been a long day. It’ll be good to blow off some steam,” Carlos told him. 

T.K. didn’t quite look convinced but he let the matter slide for the moment. “That looks good,” he said, nodding toward the polo Carlos had put on.

“Yeah, it fits fine.” Carlos reached for the next thing in the pile. “Oh, here, this must be yours,” he said, holding out a blue sweatshirt.

T.K. looked up and shook his head. “No, that’s for you.”

“You bought me a hoodie?” Carlos asked.

T.K. set down the pants he’d been refolding. “I know they’re not really your thing,” he said. “But hoodies are what you wear when you want to be comfortable and feel at home. So I thought you needed one, considering the circumstances.”

Carlos ran his fingers over the soft fabric. It was touching gesture and he felt tears prick at his eyes again for the thousandth time in the last day. “Thank you.”

T.K. smiled and nodded toward him. “You should try it on.”

Carlos slipped it over his head and pulled at it until it fit around his waist and hips. “How do I look?”

T.K. reached up and fixed a few of his mussed curls. “Hoodie hazard,” he said with a smile. “You look great.”

An hour later they headed over to the firehouse, coolers and snacks in hand. Carlos felt good, ready, maybe even a little excited to be out and put the day behind him.

But he was not prepared for how sense memory would assault him. The firehouse smelled like smoke and fire and destruction, causing his shoulders to tense immediately. And the gentle teasing about their lack of home to hang out in stabbed a sharp blade into his stomach. Marjan was just trying to make light of a bad situation, but it still hurt.

But T.K. looked so happy surrounded by his friends and his dad that Carlos couldn’t bring himself to ask to leave. Instead he smiled, sipped his beer without tasting it, laughed when it was called for, and answered any questions thrown his way. He and Paul even went a round together at the foosball table. Mostly he stayed by the counter, shifting food around, refilling bowls, getting people drinks, and just generally keeping up the pretense of being a good party host. 

He thought he was doing a pretty decent job hiding it; of pretending that he didn’t feel like the walls were closing in on him with their dark, smoke stained plaster. He was trying very hard not to think about the fact that being in this space felt like being back in his burning bedroom, absolutely certain that he was about to not only die, but also lose the man he loved with all his heart. 

He was rearranging the snack bowls for probably the twelfth time when he felt arms go around his waist and T.K.’s lips found his neck. “Let’s go back to my dad’s,” he murmured.

Carlos frowned and continued his very important cheeseball work. “It’s only eight o’clock.”

“But you’re tired and don’t want to be here,” T.K. said softly.

“I’m fine.”

“Carlos.” Lips pressed against his neck again. “You can say you’re not okay.”

“You’re having a good time,” Carlos tried again.

“If you’re not having fun, I’m not having fun,” T.K. told him.

Carlos turned in his arms so they were facing each other. “It’s just been a really long day and I—” he swallowed hard. “Being here is kind of like reliving the fire all over again.”

T.K.’s eyes clouded. “I am such an idiot. I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think about that.”

“It’s fine,” Carlos told him. “I’m fine. Really.”

But T.K. was already on the move. “Hey guys?” he called to the group. “Carlos and I are going to call it a night.”

“T.K. we didn’t drive,” Carlos reminded him. They’d caught a ride with Mateo since his Camaro was toast.

“You can take my car,” Owen offered.

“Yeah I’ll drive the Cap home,” Mateo volunteered as he defended his goal against Nancy.

“See?” T.K. said. “All good.”

“Who’s going to clean up the mess?” Carlos asked as T.K. tugged him toward the door.

“Any of the other five people here at the moment. Just because you never let them help doesn’t mean they’re not capable,” T.K. informed him. “Night guys!”

“Night!”

“Goodnight!”

“Drive safe!”

“Stop feeling bad,” T.K. ordered as he climbed into the driver’s seat of Owen’s car. “You’re not making me leave, I chose to leave.”

“I don’t want to pull you away from your friends.”

“They’re your friends too.”

“I know but…I just thought you needed this. To get your mind off everything.”

“The only thing on my mind is making sure you’re okay,” T.K. said as he flipped on the blinker and turned them left, streetlights ghosting over his face. “I knew something was going on. I shouldn’t have dragged you out tonight.”

“You didn’t drag me out.” Carlos shook his head. “I thought maybe it would be good for both of us. I didn’t realize…I didn’t know that being at the firehouse would make me feel this way.”

“I’m just so used to dealing with fire and smoke I didn’t even think about how it might take you back,” T.K. said. “But I should have. I’m sorry.”

Silently T.K. reached for his hand, threading their fingers together over the car’s console. The small gesture made Carlos’ throat grow tight. 

They finished the drive to Owen’s in silence. The place smelled blissfully free of smoke and Carlos felt the muscles in his back loosen just a little bit. “Come here,” T.K. said, pulling him toward the couch.

Carlos ended up sitting between T.K.’s legs, back pressed against his chest as T.K. flipped on a Netflix documentary. He’d just gotten settled when T.K.’s fingers slipped inside the neckline of his hoodie. “T.K. you don’t—”

“Shh,” T.K. said softly as he began to work loose the knots in Carlos’ neck and shoulders. “Just relax.”

Slowly Carlos felt his shoulders begin to unwind, his body relaxing into T.K.’s as his boyfriends fingers dug deeply into his muscles. “Better?” T.K. asked a few minutes later.

Carlos nodded, eyes feeling heavy. “The hoodie helps too,” he mumbled.

“Yeah?” T.K. pressed a kiss to his curls.

“It feels like you,” he said, semi-aware that his words were slurring as sleep pulled at him.

He could feel T.K. smile against the top of his head. “I’m glad it’s working.”

As Carlos drifted off, sweatshirt and boyfriend cocooning his body in comfort, he felt the deep, reassuring sense of home.

[riseofthecommonwoodpile]

I’m listening to the first episode of Maintenance Phase (which is a great podcast btw, I listened to like every other ep first lol) and it’s just making me think about my experience with the first doctor i ever had who didn’t make me feel awful for being fat, so i’m going to vomit that out here to help any skinny people know a little of what it’s like to be fat in the healthcare system. Indulgent personal shit follows:

Every single doctor I’d had as an adult, every single one, would ask what I was doing to lose weight, would point to BMI and obesity charts telling me I was a.) fat and b.) going to die soon because I was so fat. It was something I just had to let happen to get healthcare, and the most frustrating part was that I fucking knew I was fat already. OBVIOUSLY I did. Every person I went on a date with, every coworker who side-eyed my lunch, even people at the supermarket looking like they were about to laugh when I grabbed carrots or broccoli to make myself. Knowing didn’t help. I’d tried constantly for over a decade, and nothing had changed my weight in the way they wanted it to.

So, when I went to find a primary care doc when I moved to Washington, I really assumed the same thing was going to happen. I specifically wore my “lightest” clothing and shoes so they wouldn’t impact my weight too badly, and getting on the scale was legit terrifying, because I didn’t own a scale for the specific reason it felt so bad to see the number come up, and the number ended up being 284, and I almost cried, and I just knew I was about to get yelled at. I’m tense the entire appointment (and my blood pressure reads worryingly high), but she doesn’t say anything about it. We just have a normal first appointment. She says she’s gonna have me get an at-home blood pressure cuff to see if maybe it’s just the office that made me nervous. 

And at the end she asked if I have any questions, and I pretty timidly ask if I should be worried about my weight, if I should be losing weight, and she just said “Nope, all your other vitals are good, we’re gonna get bloodwork done today anyways so we’ll see if there’s any issues there, but everything else looks fine to me.” and i legit started crying, and I told her how I was expecting her to tell me I need to lose 20, 50, 100 pounds, because that’s what other doctors told me, and she just listened and asked me when I was done talking if losing weight was something I wanted to do. I told her yes, and then she asked me a question I hadn’t ever been asked before by a doctor: If we ignore you not being happy with how you look at your weight, and people being rude and shitty to you, is being fat causing you any physical problems?

What a wild question to hear as a fat person! I’d literally never been asked that before. It was just *assumed* it was giving me health problems, and I just assumed that was correct, even though as a 28 year old plenty of patient people had already told me those things aren’t related that directly and concretely, that plenty of fat people are perfectly healthy, and plenty of skinny people are unhealthy. And I took a few seconds to think about it, because I never had before, and I said that my knees hurt sometimes when I bend down, and that I get winded easily. And I said that I know exercise would help those things, but I can’t exercise around other people, I feel too embarrassed, and I’ve never found any at-home stuff that I could keep up with or didn’t make me miserable. 

And she asked what kind of physical stuff I liked as a kid, and I mentioned gymnastics, and she asked if I’d tried yoga, since it has lots of similar stretching, focus on form, things like that, and it would likely help my knees if I started slow at first and worked my way up. and I hadn’t ever tried it, so we decided, together, for me to give it a shot before our follow up appointment to look at my bloodwork. and she emphasized that if I wanted to make it a habit, the most important thing was just to do a little bit each day, even if it’s just 5 minutes. If 30 minutes was too daunting (and let’s be honest, 30 minutes of exercise is daunting even on my days off, let alone after a 9 hour shift on my feet), just do a couple stretches, so that way your body gets used to the idea of doing it. trying to do 30 minutes 5 days a week would just mean i never did it at all.

And after we ended the appointment, suddenly I wasn’t afraid to go to the doctor anymore, imagine that! The next time I went, my blood pressure was perfect because I knew I wasn’t going to be insulted and made to feel awful, I wasn’t waiting to be told the thing I’d been told for years and tried to change, but just kept getting worse at. And, incidentally, I did end up losing weight- I’m at 225ish right now, in just like two years, which I don’t say as a “go me”, because it doesn’t matter, and for plenty of people, lifestyle changes wouldn’t have done that anyways, and there’s fucking nothing wrong with being 284 pounds, but just to point out that the only thing that actually *worked* to accomplish the goal of all the doctors I had before was not caring about that goal. None of their hectoring and shaming did the thing they wanted, and the thing so many people cautioned against- “glorifying obesity”, aka just not making fat people feel like dogshit all the time- was what gave me the mental energy to exercise regularly, to eat better. 

because I wasn’t weighing myself, and I knew at the doctor, no matter what the number was, it would be ok, I felt ok asking questions, bringing up problems I had getting cooking into my schedule, asking for help on health-related things instead of just a number over and over and over again. I was less stressed, I felt better about myself and my body, which also gave me more mental energy to do the things I wanted to be healthier. not skinnier, healthier. It’s almost like...when doctors care more about their patients’ health than their weight, when they don’t make them feel ashamed and awful, the patient will actually go to the fucking doctor. The patient will listen and care more, will ask questions, will bring up when they’re having problems or something seems off with their body. when i moved to Colorado and had my last appointment with that doctor, I cried and told her she was the best doctor I ever had, and I still tear up thinking of how much she changed and improved my life by just being a good fucking doctor who cared about my health.

also usually i read over my longer posts before i post them to make sure grammar and spelling are ok, but this is long so i didn’t do that, so it’s probably fucked. oh well.

[nomoregoldfish]

I Promised You The Moon rant

Just binged it and this was from the episode by episode reaction/discussion with my partner in crime @glossyboy.

First of all, Oab stole the show, singlehandedly, which he's not supposed to. I don't think anyone expected it including himself. In the very top post when I searched his name on tumblr, he said this lol

But the truth is he played one hell of "villain" that required a very nuanced performance and he delivered it in a believable and graceful manner. Jai became the catalyst of the entire season and his rather complicated relationship with Teh was the highlight of part 2.

EP 1

From the very beginning it's clear that part 2 is very much a Teh's story rather than a balanced story about two young people's journey as a couple in the next chapter of their lives. It makes me uncomfortable they made Oh-aew clingy and pessimistic without giving him any character development.

The best part is probably the opening scene where they went paper-rock-scissors to decide who's gonna buy condoms. It felt authentic, the expectation, the hesitation, the mischievous act, all fits their characters well. Other times ep 1 was more like two adult kids playing house, literally in an empty giant ass upper middle class apartment.

EP 2

It's great that they poked the femininity vs. masculinity issue through Oh-aew, but stopped right there at the surface. Missed a perfect opportunity to go head-to-head with the controversial topic, start a debate, crush the stigma of femininity, bring something new, be a real game changer of the BL genre, and most importantly give Oh-aew some concrete character development. Part 1 showed us a gay character that's very comfortable with his sexuality and femininity, that's almost revolutionary in Asia, not as a comic relief but a leading role. Oh-aew questioned his own sexual identity once in that bra wearing scene, it's straight out of comfort zone, BOLD, and transgressive. So I expected more from part 2.

That's it? And they're already sophomores? Can't believe Oh-aew's character has been marginalized like this. It's pathetic.

But I love the brutally honest conversation at the end where Teh vented his rage and despair regarding his frustration of acting. He was acting like a dick because he's disappointed, and scared. Teh again was not afraid of showing vulnerability, making the reconciliation very realistic and touching.

EP 3

Dare I say I freaking love ep 3! The unresolved (partially sexual, but not entirely) tension between Teh and Jai was over the roof! And the built-up to their kiss was very authentic, which paled Teh and Oh-aew's much sidelined storyline, including the long anticipated sex scene (still can't believe it happened right after Jai explicitly instructed Teh to do it after the two spent a whole night bonding, like wow! Totally TRANSGRESSIVE and to some extent, kinky.) Teh looked up to the senior, idolized him, wanted to be good for him and make him proud, thirsted for the validation from him, which was mixed with affections. The workshop diary was a brilliant idea to let them open up to each other and eventually bring them close. This was what a meaningful arc of a story looked like. By contrast, there isn't a single moment between Oh-aew and Teh in part 2 that made me go "Damn it's soooooo hot!"

I know Jai/Teh wasn't the endgame but I appreciate the storyline so much. It's a very bold move considering it broke the over-glorified "one true love in one's life" fantasy of its target audience, mostly young cis women. The popular narrative of "you can only love one person through your life/one true love" in romance fictions/chick flicks was totally smashed. And it wasn't written just to stir up things between Teh and Oh-aew, it wasn't a silly fling. Instead, it's meaningful, complicated, natural, and realistic, delivered by nuanced and excellent acting from two young actors. It's hilarious that fans hate Jai with a passion and call him names.

And big news, Jai is bi?! Bravo! He's radiating bi vibes since his first appearance.

I kind of gave up at this point, the season wouldn't do Oh-aew any justice. Like my partner in crime pointed out, the costume design literally threw some "incongruous female fashion pieces" on Oh-aew, made him dye his hair red, without...making any actual point of his personality or his character development. Wardrobe was supposed to make a point in storytelling. Yes, PP wearing pink is cute, and? There's nothing else for Oh-aew. Unfortunately he's reduced to this sulky, crying, and wronged partner in a failing relationship.

EP 4

Oab again was killing it. The tension between Jai and Teh...from the rehearsal in front of Oh-aew to the dressing room pep talk, was incredibly intense and hot AF.

Was it a manipulative relationship after all? Oab was so good at conveying a character with many faces. Jai's a mentor to Teh, also a good friend, their relationship was genuine. He's also ambitious with his own goals, he used, challenged, provoked Teh in a way that benefited them both. It made sense the title of part 2, I Promised You The Moon, was from Jai's script. He promised Teh what the junior wanted the most, a bright future in acting. Teh's unconventional and unspoken feelings for Jai was the best part of the entire season in terms of creative writing, it's complicated, fragile, delicate and completely heartbreaking.

The after talk in the hallway was so well-written. It's funny (Teh joking about playwrights always write about their EXs is gold), intimate yet meticulously controlled, no one lashed out or wept. Both knew what they signed up for and Jai particularly made it clear about his motive and the purpose of the "special workshop" beforehand (or right away.) Yet it's no one's fault that Teh got carried away. He's younger, he's immature, he's more into it, it's totally natural. It's so romantic when Teh's singing karaoke in the bar with Oh-aew, yet he couldn't help but desperately staring at Jai on the floor, knowing he and the man who just turned him down were never gonna happen, they were done, but he's still madly attracted to him and his talent. He fancied Jai, at least the idea of Jai, a playwright, a director, someone knew him better than himself. That hurt beautifully.

EP 5

Teh/Oh-aew endgame at this point was pretty meaningless. Oh-aew as a leading character never got any solid character development over a span of four years. What happened between Jai and Teh wasn't just "cheating", though they surely made it look that way, like Teh's empty promise of "I won't see him again after the show ends". No matter how Oh-aew and Teh eventually reconciled, there's no emotional connection, no sparkle anymore between the couple.

But I knew for a fact they had to. Otherwise it's too much of a risk financially for the series. The creators had to take the easy way out like most traditional romances—one of the most contrived and formulaic trope where the male leading character made a mistake (usually cheating) and realized he's wrong, he deeply hurt the female leading character (Oh-aew was merely a girl substitute in part 2), then he completely changed for hell knew what reasons, started doing every nicest thing in the world to try to "win" the female character back. It has been feeding the emotionally-deprived cis female readers/audience who are frustrated with heterosexual relationship irl for decades. The formula that made romance outsell other genres of fictions combined in the 60s and 70s still sells today, under the name of boys' love. It's pathetic to see Oh-aew confess to Bas that he always "lost" to Teh. Love shouldn't be some kind of game or competition, there isn't winner or loser in love. Love is spontaneous. Oh-aew didn't lose because Teh developed feelings for someone else, and he didn't win when Teh begged him for reconciliation. People change, people move on.

And as predicted, they went for it. The ending was so absurd and tedious.

Overall, Jai's probably the hardest villain to play, he needed to be REALLY GOOD to be "the bad guy", to make his role conceivable. Oab absolutely nailed it with his talent and experience. He's not even my type or extremely good looking yet I'm 100% SOLD. I immediately re-watched the scene of him kissing Teh back hungrily at the end of ep 3 like I used to re-watch Teh/Oh-aew's steamy make out session at the end of episode 3 part 1. Coincidence?

I like some parts of both seasons for the same reason, each challenged and tried to break some outdated/contrived narratives in the BL genre. Part 1 took on the sexuality taboo by showing two same sex characters sexually attracted to each other, no more "I'm not into boys, I just happened to fall for someone of the same gender" or "pure love" bullshit. By staying true to the characters' sexuality and actually showing it with explicit, intense (and beautifully shot) scenes, the gay characters were normalized. They weren't just pure and innocent, no one was. And it created two of most unconventional gay characters in Asian pop culture, Oh-aew, a beautiful boy who's very comfortable with his own sexuality and femininity, not passive at all, taking initiative to pursue what he wanted; and Teh, a sensitive, caring and vulnerable boy who cried a lot, he's confused but also sweet and brave.

Part 2 tackled the "You can only love one person through your life" trope with a very nuanced story of "cheating". Yet neither carried out what they started. Part 1 fell short of a revolutionary piece that stayed true to "adolescent sexual turmoil", dismissing bisexuality and becoming a typical unrealistic BL fantasy in the end. And Part 2, ugh, forced a "happy ending" that almost no one digs. I understand it's extremely difficult and risky to disrupt the established norms of a genre. But sometimes being transgressive and progressive could be the same thing. A story, an artwork, has to challenge something in order to create something new and compelling.

[momowoah]

Thoughts after 17x10 (obviously contains spoilers)

Beach scenes: I didn't cry when Derek appeared, I nearly cried when George appeared, I got really sad with Deluca and Lexie, but the one that made me cry was Mark. Seeing him and Lexie together again was amazing. As someone who already knew they were going to die due to the plane crash in s8 finale since my first watch of s5, the worst part of their relationship was that I knew they were wasting their time, and I'm glad they think the same now. It's a shame they weren't closer in the beach, but oh well. The mentions of Callie, Arizona and Sofia also made me happy. Hopefully, no more beach scenes.

Cristina's "appearance": I think it's kinda of a odd choice to have her keep in touch with Owen about Meredith instead of someone else they know (like Bailey or Jackson or Hayes), especially after last episode. Teddy's "dreams" about Owen were really on point. Sadly, I think we won't get any Cristina besides that, so even that little moment was really good.

Teddy and Amelia: Even if it's a good idea to have Teddy stay with someone who cares about her, I don't think Owen's intentions were good (Teddy herself said he put her with Amelia bc he doesn't trust her to take care of their children - which gets worst when you remember how they handled the child situation in season 16. Teddy stayed at home, and Owen took a more challenging job the day after he offered to stay at home with the children. Yay. Also, I don't think I remember seeing him ever holding Allison, but I do remember him having Amelia take care of his childrens. Anyways, I'm going off topic). Teddy should really let Amelia in, bc rn it seems like she thinks Amelia doesn't actually like her when she clearly does. I love their friendship, and I hope they get closer to each other.

Owen/Teddy/Tom Triangle: I think the last ep killed pretty much every hope for Towen as a couple (Teddy's last words for him in the "dream" before it changed to her and Allison were her realizing she was never going to be enough for Owen), but I think we will get to see them forgiving each other and becoming friends again, especially since they have two children together. Tom, on the other hand, seems to have realized/decided something on this episode. I think he will come back to Teddy, but I don't know how she will respond. Still, they seem more likely to happen than Towen, which makes me happy. It doesn't look like Owen resents Tom anymore and Tom seems to be trying to have a good relationship with him, so Owen might support them if Toddy decides to get back together. Yay.

Hayes and Jo: Ok so... What is going on between them?? Like, obviously something is going to happen, but I still don't know what. The only thing I can imagine by now is a type of love "square" with the two of them + Mer and Jackson, but that would be crazy. I thought for a second it would be Hayes blaming Jo for Irene's death, but it doesn't seem like she's going to die. I'm losing my mind over this. I have absolutely no idea about what will happen between them. But something definitely will.

Jo and Jackson: Not sure about Jo, but Jackson will 100% catch feelings. He's already, I think. Never was a fan of Jolex and I don't want Japril to get back together (loved while it lasted, but also love the fact that they didn't end up together), so I kinda ship them. I'm also really liking Jo this season.

Winston and Maggie: I'm not usually the first one to be happy when a couple gets engaged after less than a year together, but it's different in this case. There are couples, like Marshall and Lily from HIMYM, that are clearly meant to be from their first on-screen moment. Winston and Maggie are one of them. I know some people think there's something sketchy about Winston, but honestly? This is the first time I actually like a ship with Maggie, and I really think they just clicked. Might be wrong, but I hope not.

Preview: Jackson's face in the preview kinda made me thing April will come back next week and it won't be as a doctor, but I'm probably and hopefully wrong. Also, Link proposing is really unexpected. He keeps running away from stuff and I feel like he will run away for real some time, so not a big fan of Amelink. Don't think Amelia will say yes though. I like crossovers, but it means I won't be able to watch the episode until two days after it comes out (as it takes at least two days for people to sub Station 19 and I can only watch Grey's live), so that sucks. Anyways, it seems like a good ep.

Amelia and Link: He ran away when he thought Scout wasn't his, he ran away again when he felt overwhelmed. He came back both times (he only left for a day the second time, but still), but he did ran. I don't get why he's proposing when he already can't stay during hard times. Totally think Amelia will say no, because lately she has been the most reasonable character in the whole series. Also, something about her face both in the preview and when she hugged Link at the end of the episode makes me think something will happen. There's also been hints that she and Owen might get back together somehow, so there's that too. I honestly don't see any of these two relationships going somewhere though.

[laulink]

Ok, so, I wasn’t able to watch the episode yesterday, but now I did and BOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY

I knew it’d be a lot, but that was everything I could have expected and more. 

Let’s break this down :

First, the most obvious : Yang falling. The scene was soooo emotional, because the slow-motion really showed every character’s reaction in detail and it was heartbreaking, really. I’m confident Yang’s fall won’t harm her, especially not kill her, since she’s one of the main characters, but RWB & co don’t know that, and they can’t ask Jinn anymore, nor Oscar/Ozpin, not until they leave the central location, meaning they wouldn’t be able to access it anymore, and Ambrosius himself might not know what exactly happens when someone falls in the void, just like he didn’t know what would happen to Penny if he did as told. So I’m very excited to see what exactly happens when someone falls into that void and what CRWBY will do with the rest of the team. A theory I’ve seen going around is that Yang will reenact the tale Oscar and Ozpin talked about, which is apparently the Remnant version of Alice in Wonderland, and that would be pretty great I think ! The question now is : will Yang go through that journey alone while her team has to try and move forward, thinking she’s dead, or will the three other also fall down into the void ? I’m kinda split on that, because, on one hand, I find it hard to believe that Ruby, Weiss and Blake will fall too, all while Penny is there to help and probably the Happy Huntresses too, but on the other hand, it would certainly be different to make one of the characters only go through such a journey while the others don’t. Like Oz and Oscar said, the girl in the fairy tale came home changed, and it would be weird if Yang was the only one to be changed by such a journey while the others did not experience anything even remotely similar.

Next thing on the list : Ironwood. Two points with him : killing Jacques and fighting Winter. All about the Schnees, huh ? I know it may seem... unnecessary, and anti-climactic, at this point, to kill Jacques off, especially by Ironwood’s hand, but I think it might pay off in the future. Like Winter said, Weiss had opted to save her father : she didn’t forget about him, or decide to let him fare for himself while Atlas was falling, she decided to actively take steps to save his life. And now he’s dead. I don’t expect anyone in the family to mourn him, but I also don’t think anyone will really rejoice in his death. A shitty person is still a person, and normal people don’t actually enjoy learning of the death of someone they knew well, even if they didn’t like them. They might feel relief, but there’s always a hollowness coming with it too. Because that person occupied a piece of their lives and that’s something they are taking with them in death and that will never come back. I don’t know what, exactly, CRWBY intends to do with that, but I expect the news of Jacques’s death to have on impact on the Schnee family members, whatever it is. As for the fight, I found it to be a nice touch to see James cry as he got ready to fight Winter. He still truly believes his course of action is the right one, he can’t see all the harm he’s doing, and it genuinely pains him to fight Winter, because he loves her but he thinks what he wants to do will bring more good and is therefore needed. It’s truly tragic. I fully expect Winter to win this fight, but I don’t know in what state she’ll be left after this, nor what exactly will happen to Ironwood after she beats him. Does Atlas tip and make him or both of them fall off the edge of the path and down to Mantle ? Does Winter try to catch James and fail ? Does she lose a limb in the fight and later has to get a prosthetic and always be reminded of the man she knew who had over half his body replaced by prosthetics ? I’m curious to see what exactly will happen. But I doubt James Ironwood will make it out of the Atlas arc alive.

A blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene that I found quite interesting too : Cinder telling Watts, in her softest voice, that he, “Arthur”, deserves this. To end Atlas as he always wished he could. This, coupled with the title of the ep, throw us back to their argument a couple of episodes ago, where Cinder broke down and started crying. I already thought that Watts’s words had gotten to Cinder because of her tears, but her words now make me even more sure of it. Which means that I fully expect her to try and fix the flaws that Watts pointed out, aka the fact that she tends to use brute force to get what she wants instead of using her brain. She already started being smart about things again : she asked Jinn to know what RWBY & co had planned, she gathered intel to determine the best way to make their plan fail. I expect her to have one more trick up her sleeve in her fight against team RWBY. Maybe, oh, I don’t know : stealing the Staff and using it to create something and make the central location disappear while people are still in it. Wouldn’t that be funny now. (also, don’t ask me why, but I have a feeling that Watts will not even try to escape while Atlas falls down. As he told Cinder, he’s got everything he ever wanted, and his life goal was, apparently, to bring Ironwood and his kingdom down for casting him aside, so I can see him being happy going out doing what he always wanted to : tear apart everything Ironwood ever cared about)

Last note of this already long post : the bits with the Ace Ops were great, especially Harriet and Vine. It was good to see two soldiers argue about the values they hold most important as well as their feelings : loyalty (to the General or to the people) and grief (over Clover). Harriet’s semblance doesn’t give her tunnel vision, yet she still doesn’t take a single step to the side of the path Ironwood laid out for her. I’m curious to see how things will go for her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ended up being the only one being blown up by that bomb, killed by her own stubbornness, just like Clover was killed by his decision to follow orders without question.

[alpacaparkaseok]

7 Secrets Drabbles

The one where Jungkook finds out

This is a Drabble/oneshot based off of my soulmate series “7 Secrets” from the point of view of Jungkook. Namjoon says that Jungkook is the one who originally found out about the soulmates, so I thought it’d be fun to show what happened exactly. Enjoy!

Genre: BTS Soulmate au

Warnings: None as far as I know

Word count: 1.7k 

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Song recommendation: “Invisible String” by Taylor Swift

Tapping on the door I wait for a few seconds before peeking my head into the room. Clutching my laptop close to my chest it takes a moment before my eyes adjust to the dimly lit room.

“Oh, hey Jungkook. How’s it going?” One of the staff on the editing team greets me, shuffling around as he clicks around on his computer. 

 “Hey Ji-hoon. Can I borrow your computer again? My editing program crashed, and I really want to get this done.” I hold up my laptop for emphasis. 

Ji-hoon’s eyes trail over to his screen, nodding absentmindedly while he no doubt gets the program up and running. “Uh, yeah. That’s fine...let me just…” He snaps his fingers when he finishes. “There you go! Just don’t go in and mess up my stuff, alright?” He teases me.

 I’m quick to promise him I won’t do anything of the sort. “Are you going somewhere?” I ask as Ji-hoon grabs his jacket. He nods, edging his way toward the door.

“Yeah, meeting up with some friends for dinner. I just stayed a little later so I could get ahead on some stuff. When you’re finished just save everything and shut it down, alright?” With that, Ji-hoon disappears from sight. 

I sigh, settling down into his chair. My eyes grow wide, getting into the zone as I try my best to get back to the point I was in the editing process before my program decided to kick me out. 

 The hours tick by, and I jump up with a shock as I glimpse the time. 

“Oh no,” I groan. “Jin is going to kill me.” I was supposed to help him with our unit song tonight. He’s probably been waiting for over an hour. 

 Quickly, I save and am in the process of trying to send myself the edited video when something catches my eye. On the bottom right-hand corner of the computer is a sticky note. Clearly in Ji-hoon’s writing, which says, “fix opening credits for ep. 64”. 

I furrow my brow. “What episode is he talking about?” It’s been a while since the 64th episode of Run! BTS. I quickly send off my edited video, leaning back in the chair and rubbing my eyes. 

Editing is a kind of twisted hobby of mine. It’s exhausting, but it’s also the most calming thing in the world to me. Once I manage to sit up again I go to power of the computer. A thought pops up into my head. 

 “Ji-hoon seemed like he was in a rush earlier...I should probably help him fix the opening credits for episode 64 so he doesn’t have to worry about it later. That can be my thanks to him for letting me use his stuff all the time.”

Mumbling to myself has long become a habit, and it’s in moments like these that I completely forget I don’t have an audience to narrate every little thing for. 

Rolling my neck and sending Jin a text apologizing for showing up late, I get to work. Jin will understand, he’d do the same.

It doesn’t take me long to bring the files back up, quickly finding the video again. I double click on it, turning the volume down low and double checking that Ji-hoon isn’t about to barge in here demanding to know what I’m doing. 

 The screen is black for a moment, just the words, “Insert opening credits” showing up before big bold letters spill across the screen. 

 Episode 64 - “Back to school” I hum in acknowledgement, we’ve certainly had plenty of school-related episodes in Run! BTS. However, when the scene that first appears is inside a kitchen that I’m sure I’ve never seen before, I’m wracking my brain, trying to place the episode. 

 Quickly pausing it, I pull up the calendar on my phone. If this was episode 64 of Run it would have been in… February?

“We didn’t film anything in February…” I mumble. “Was this already recorded?” I shrug, pressing play. Maybe I’ll remember it once I watch it through. Shaking off the strange feeling in my stomach that forces me to the edge of my seat, I watch with wide eyes. 

 “Soon-ah?” A whisper comes from the audio, although the owner of the feminine voice is nowhere to be found. “Soon-ah? I’m so sorry, did I wake you up?” Indecipherable mumbles respond. “Oh, ok. I was just wondering, could you maybe help me with the map one more time before I leave? I’m scared that I’ve got it all backwards, and I don’t want to be late for my first class because I’m lost.”

Some more grumbling and loud thumping happen before a girl appears in view. She’s chewing on her lip, clearly nervous about something. Heading toward the kitchen she reaches up for a bowl, map tucked under her arm. Looking directly into the camera she gives a cheery wave despite her obvious nerves. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost the ability to breathe. Or formulate sentences.

“You...you…” The words fall from my lips without my consent. “This is…what is this? Where - who…”

I know who that is. Even though she remains nameless to me for the moment, I know exactly who that is. The girl in the screen continues on, completely clueless to my current predicament. She’s humming to herself, pouring a bowl of cereal. I find myself leaning closer, nearly falling off my chair in the process. 

“Wha- what’s the map for? Where are you going? Is there a map I can use that will lead me to you?” The questions dive off my tongue even though I know the chances of the girl before me turning back to the camera and answering them are slim to none. 

 “Do you want me to bring you food, Soon-ah?” The angel asks, eyes looking down the hallway. I’m pinching myself, fighting the urge to cry out and beg her to turn around again. Look at the camera. Look at me. 

 The girl shrugs when she receives an answer that the audio doesn’t pick up. That’s when I notice the microphone clipped to the girl’s clothes. Somehow, these girls are aware and participating in some sort of show… Why didn’t I know about this? 

 Wait, why am I upset about this?

It’s almost as if she hears my thoughts, because the girl is quick to turn around and remind me of exactly why I should be upset about not knowing about her existence earlier. She returns the box of cereal to where it must be resting beside the camera. Looking into the camera again as though it’s an everyday occurrence, she winks. 

 “I’m starting my first day at the university, so if you’re watching this Jungkook, wish me luck. I’ll do my best not to get lost,” she holds up the map to emphasize just how hard she’s trying to not get lost.

 “You...this is for me? I- good luck!” Too many thoughts are rolling around my head now to really get anything straight, but there is one thought that sticks around. I breathe it out. 

 “I never got my results back.” 

 Hand running through my hair at lightning speed I gulp down as much as my lungs will allow. Suddenly the floor has disappeared from beneath me as I remember with a start going in for soulmate testing. The procedures lasted about a week, and we were told that we would be given our results within a couple of months. Counting in my head I strain to remember when that was. Definitely more than two months. 

 More like three years. 

 While we were told beforehand that most results come back as inconclusive, we were actually never told that’s what happened with our tests. I guess I just assumed as much when we never heard back about it. 

 But there’s this girl in a kitchen hunched over eating cereal and studying a map out with such precious concentration that I can’t help but curse myself for being so young and naive and stupid. I should have demanded an answer. 

 A moment passes before another girl hops into the kitchen, the two of them smiling. “Are you excited? I see you’re back to studying that map.” The new girl asks, stuffing her hands in her hoodie as she begins studying out the contents of the fridge. 

 It’s a BTS hoodie, that much I can see. However, when she finally turns her back to the camera I chuckle. More specifically, it’s a Suga hoodie. 

 “Yeah, I think so. It feels nice to take this next step instead of just…” the girl with the map; my girl, sneaks a look at the camera. My heart stutters at the indirect eye contact. “You know. Waiting.”

I jump as my phone suddenly sounds, hardly able to tear my attention away from the scene in front of me. Quickly pausing it I see Jin’s contact photo taking up the screen of my phone, and I answer it.

“Where are you?” 

 I don’t bother to answer his question as a sob I didn’t realize I was containing rips through me. “Hyung! H-hyung you won’t believe this.”

“Kook where are you? Is everything al-”

“Soulmates, hyung! We have soulmates! And they never told us, they’ve kept them from us, but they’re real and...and mine is going to the university and she’s so nervous and-”

“Jungkook,” Jin breathes out in wonder. “What happened? Where are you?”

I’m already a step ahead of him, quickly exporting the video and sending it to my personal email. There’s no way I’m losing this, not now that I finally know. 

“I’m still at work, I’m on the bottom floor.” My voice still wavers, but it’s growing steadily harder as the fire within me threatens to set everything it touches alfame. Starting with Bang PD. “Just, wait for me, ok? Meet me in the conference room on the second floor. I have something to show you.”

I don’t even wait to hear a response before I’m up, reluctantly closing out of the computer before bolting out the door and up to the second floor. Holding my laptop close to my chest I dial another number, the tears already flowing as I hear his voice. 

 “Hey Kook, what’s-”

“Joon,” I croak out, the tears making my throat close up. “I need you to listen to me, this is important.”

Taglist: @taylorroe3 @mae-musicbitch @agustneeds @eusticenatalie @heartblackerthancoffee

[lizacstuff]

Another very good episode despite the sad ending which was very well executed by hande. What did you think of the episode?

Very good episode. One nice thing about these new writers, so far, is that the episodes flow a bit better than they used to flow. I think the prior team had trouble putting 2+ hour story without it being disjointed.  These guys seem to be able to manage the format better. 

So much to love in this chapter. So much comedy. So much fun. So much ripping my heart out and stopping on it and then kicking it a little and then throwing it into a fiery lava volcano pit for good measure. 

All those emotions were felt. 

Edser to come, but let's start with Babaanne and the Prince.  It really feels like these characters were introduced with another story in mind, and then the show pivoted. Perhaps the new writers wanted something else, or maybe Fox wanted to renew but wanted the show to get back to basics so they changed course to this reset of sorts? It all feels unfinished.

(continued under the cut)

I think we were all expecting more trouble from both characters.  Not that kidnapping Eda isn't causing trouble, it clearly is, but the fact that it was resolved in the first 5 minutes is notable. What was the point? It did give them a cliffhanger, a chance for Serkan to be a hero, a reason for Serkan to fire Balca, and a reason for Babaanne to change her tune, so it wasn't completely pointless, it served some plots, however it was very anticlimactic. 

Babaanne was pretty anticlimactic too. She comes on like a house on fire in 25, having Serkan arrested on serious charges that could have stuck, framing Alptekin, ruining the project the team had won via the tender. She manipulates Eda into breaking Serkan's heart, goes full matchmaker with the Prince, but then when Eda decides, "Nah, I'm not only not going to give up on Serkan, I'm gonna marry him." she backs off all her threats? 

It does make me wonder if both or either (offscreen) the Prince or Babaanne have something to do with Serkan's plane going missing.  Just so they can fulfill their evil potential. Either of them is powerful enough to pull that off, and it makes more sense than either of them giving up so easily. 

As for Aydan and Ayfer, they made for some pretty good laughs this episode. I think the friction caused by their inherent differences is much more funny, than the fighting over Chef Alexander. As I said in another ask, Ayfer worked my last nerve in her very first scene this episode. She wakes up after being dosed by her mother's choice of life-mate for Eda, but immediately blames the Bolats. Fuck off with that. She enabled her mother, she is more to blame for this situation than anyone but the villains. If she would have stood up to her mother and supported Eda instead of choosing to further Babaanne's agenda by opposing the wedding, maybe Eda's life wouldn't have been put in such danger.  I can't with her. She would deserve it if Eda puts a little distance between them.  

GO DETECTIVE MELO! Love her tenacity in putting together the pieces of Henna night and rightly figuring out Balca's duplicity. For a second there I thought they weren't going to tell Serkan what they found, which made me nervous, but then at the first opportunity she blurts it out. Well done!  We should have known Serkan would be two steps ahead of them except that he's been two steps behind when it comes to Balca since the very beginning. It was very satisfying to watch him fire her. Though, I do wish we would have seen him find out she purposely put strawberry in his drink.  Good riddance!   The ILYs between Serkan and Melo were very sweet, it speaks so well of Serkan that he has such a soft spot for her. Of course it is only natural since Melo has been an unwavering supporter of his since the beginning, Serkan picks his allies well. 

Now onto the couples. The tension between all the romantic pairs this episode was fun, and obviously done for over-the-top comic relief, but also very silly, lmao. Those boys are so DUMB!  Engin has the sensibility of a preteen boy and Ferit never knows when to shut up, he's so naive and he can't read a room.  

However, who didn't love the friendship growth between Serkan and Ferit?  They planned a 15-day bike trip? I'm dying! And crying! However, I fully believe that Eda-broke-up-with-me-I-have-a-sad-and-need-a-distraction Serkan planned that trip and I found it preposterous that Serkan would have any desire to still go right after he got married.  We're supposed to believe that schmoopy, smitten, horny Serkan is ready to leave his newlywed bride for that length of time? Puh-lease he's planning every way he's going to sex her up over the next 6 months, and it's going to take every free minute. Also they can't even find time to get to Paris for the night, but he's going away for that?? NOPE.  Maybe next year, Ferit... but also invite the girls to the bike portion.  

The tension between Eda and Serkan in the first half hour of the ep was a nice little truncated story of the stress wedding planning and a looming, giant life change can put on a couple. Edser started the day in a very schmoopy place, but by the time they left Aydan's they were already starting to feel the pressure. The bickering between Ayfer and Aydan felt typical, and I felt myself being more sympathetic with Aydan.  They're rich, why wouldn't they hire a wedding coordinator? That's a helluva lot of work to do in 3 days!  Why would Ayfer want to spent that time doing centerpieces when she could be enjoying the pre wedding festivities? Dumb. The gems as favors do seem a little over-the-top, but I'd like to take home one of those aquamarines when I attend their wedding, so I won't complain. As far as where they're going to live, both ladies need to step off! They need to be at least 15 minutes of driving distance from both of them.  Not living on the Bolat property and not living in Ayfer's neighborhood. Geez. I'm stressed just typing it up, no wonder it set the betrothed couple on edge.  Obviously, they were having a major disconnect when they got to work. Serkan was dealing with a crisis and probably should have just told Eda that instead of burying himself in work, ignoring her, and getting irritated with her. Meanwhile, Eda should have noticed he was more focused than even the typical workaholic robot, and that meant something important. 

The misunderstanding that fueled their full day stand-off was so silly, and preventable, but also led to hilarity and one of my favorite scenes ever so I won't be too hard on how manufactured it was.  Each of these things-- family wedding planning stress, Serkan being inattentive due to work crisis, and Serkan acting a little "the old ball and chain" when Ferit was blundering along about guys trips and postponing the wedding-- all led to an Eda who was already feeling a bit insecure, so when she overheard Serkan's phone conversation it's not shocking she took it the wrong way.  However, it takes a bit more handwaving to believe Serkan took the conversation the wrong way and went right to freezing her out. Come on, Serkan, you're less emotional and have less reasons to be feeling vulnerable at that moment. She was in your office trying to get your attention on wedding planning and your home and future. You were the one too busy to engage!  Though, I suppose it's believable that these two stubborn souls would allow the misunderstanding to fester out of pride, rather than confront it head on and clear it up right away. It's pretty consistent that when one of them gets their feelings hurt and feels rejected by the other, their defensive walls go up and they both revert to pretending they're just fine and the other's rejection can't hurt them. They need to get over this asap.  

That poor wedding planner. She has a couple insisting they get married in 3 days, they're entirely unhelpful and now they aren't even speaking to one another?  I understand her frustration and don't ding her for asking if they're sure they're ready to get married, but her saying that was definitely one of the things that contributed to the insecurities they were both already feeling. They were both so sad when they had the last conversation in the office, each one suggesting the other to take time to think and rest. Their video call that night was equally as fraught and sad. Sweet, dumb babies. 

The entire sequence of the girls stealthing into the hotel and hiding on the couch was hilarious. I love that Eda doesn't realize that crashing the bachelor party could be embarrassing until she's flat on her back on that couch, hiding behind lobby foliage.  As for the boys, they redeemed themselves a little bit, by being too upset to enjoy themselves.  

One of my favorite parts is Eda trying to be breezy as if the girls being there has nothing to do with the bachelor party. I laughed at Melo taking the blame for suggesting the resort. The single gal always takes the blame, just like the unmarried/not engaged Ferit gets the blame later.  This moment (click here) is one of my favorites of the episode. I still am not sure what she's trying to say with her looping gestures and pointing upstairs and then her haughty pose, and I don't think Serkan knows either, but yet he just gets a kick out of her. The guy who Engin said never smiled, smiles pretty damn easily these days. Also j’adored the wardrobe that had them matching perfectly in shades of cream and olive. In sync and gorgeous. 

Speaking of wardrobe, during that fireplace conversation Serkan looked so huggable in that fleece pullover (more casual Serkan, please!) that I felt terrible that they were not in a place where she could cuddle up to him in front of the fire. Come on! We deserved to see that. That was the biggest tragedy in that scene, slightly ahead of them postponing the wedding. As for that, they were both so convinced that the other thinks they're going too fast, that neither of them was listening to how the other positioned it. Each positioning it as the other's preference. That illustrated the trouble that a little insecurity and a lot of pride can cause.  

Now on to my favorite scene of the episode! Seriously, immediately after watching it I mentally vaulted it to my top 10 scenes list (no such list exists, and if it did it would change all the time, lol).  First, can I say how I appreciated that the friends were all shocked at the news they were postponing the wedding? Ferit and Engin couldn't believe it, and Melo, Ceren and Piril all actively questioned the idea that Serkan would want to postpone. Thank you! You just know if Ayfer were there she would have tried to say "Oh, that's too bad, but really for the best, let's celebrate!"  

Anyway, I loved every second from the moment Serkan says, "Eda, can we talk?" until the apology. Finally, instead of being led by their pride, they both show some hurt which is the catalyst for the heated conversation that clears everything up.  

It's impressive how consistent they've been with some characterizations and how Serkan and Eda yin/yang each other. Eda has always had trouble saying, "I love you." It just doesn't come easy to her. She illustrated that in episode 12, she can handle the sentiment and agree with it, "our feelings are mutual" but it's hard for her to say the words. 

Conversely, Serkan has never had that problem. From the minute he confessed he has told her how much he loves her many, many times and in many, many different ways. What Serkan has trouble with is "I'm sorry". It is so hard for him to say those words. In episode 9, all it would have taken to get Eda back was a simple apology, instead he spent an entire episode doing everything to get her back, but the very simple act of saying, "I'm sorry. That is some next level aversion to apologizing. Whereas Eda doesn't have that problem, she can own her mistakes and apologize pretty easily. 

These scenes outside showcased this dynamic beautifully.  After the misunderstanding is rectified, Eda very easily apologizes, but Serkan goes with a "me too" type of response. The sentiment is there, but he doesn't say the words. A few minutes later, after the crew joins them, Serkan goes all romantic robot and tells her how much he loves her, then prompts her, but instead Eda teases and teases until she finally whispers it. 

Obviously, she loves him and obviously he is sorry about the misunderstanding, but I like the consistency that they both still have trouble vocalizing these specific things.

The fact that Serkan was ready to chuck the guys and his bachelor party in order to have a romantic night with her is very sweet, and also points out how silly the notion of him wanting to travel extensively without her right after they get married. I don't mind things that are exaggerated for humor, but still humor shouldn't need you to completely change the attitudes of the characters in order to hit. And playing on jokes about how marriage and a wife might be viewed as a burden, especially in context of a couple who aren't even married yet, isn't awesome. Which I get, the fact that it is a shitty attitude and a crappy joke fueled the fights between the couples, so at least there was that. It wasn't accepted. 

The lovely montage by the lake was a wonderful way to show us some quiet, romantic moments between them. That's one of the great things about this format, they have time to occasionally gift us with scenes that don't drive the plot, don't move forward any story or character development or even have dialogue, they just exist to make us swoon and fall even more in love with this couple. Mission accomplished! The fact that Kerem is the one who found that location just makes it sweeter. 

Engin, Engin, Engin. What makes you think it is a good idea to judge a beauty pageant?  Your wife is in the hotel! Not that she would be jealous, but, you know, assigning a number value to women based on their looks... it's not great. Also I realize that it's a necessity while shooting with Covid, and we just have to suspend disbelief in scenes that should have tons of extras but are barren, but the hotel holding a beauty pageant and the only people in attendance are three dudes who just happened to be bored in the lobby is funny in and of itself.  But glad the girls got a chance to take their revenge and make the boys feel what it's like to be judged in such a way. Plus it was worth some laughs and gave us a way to unite the bachelor party with the pajama party. 

For me the next scenes only exist to have Edser draped all over each other in the bar.  I didn't really pay too much attention, I think Piril/Engin and Ceren/Ferit all made up, but I do know Serkan wanted to ditch everyone and go back to the room and since we know what happened next.... we know why!  Though I did wonder, did he have a massage appointment for like 10pm?  Or was it the next day? It matters not at all, but it did strike me while watching. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH WE GOT OF THEM IN THE TUB!!!  *flings self into the sun*  That was quite something.  Bless these new writers and their willingness to go there.  I love that scene so much. Serkan's smile is just... something else. 

One nitpick is the lighting. Obviously, with the timeline they shoot on, some production value will go by the wayside, though mostly I think they do a decent job despite all the constraints. However, one place that is consistently lacking is lighting in indoor, one-off locations.  The coffee shop in ep 12 is an example, and this was another one. I can understand they need to get in and out quickly. In this case the crew wouldn't have been able to probably prep as much as they'd like, because you're probably not going to put any stand-ins in the water, and you can't take time to perfect it once your big stars are in the tub, mostly naked, submerged and pruning, but the harsh shadows across each of their faces is distracting. Where were the bounce boards? Even those lines out. 

But obviously we don't care. WE GOT THEM BEING SEXY AND PLAYFUL IN THE TUB! What a bounty. That's all that matters.  Loved all the wedding prep, especially the lovely Aydan and Eda scenes. There was SO MUCH JOY... until there wasn't. 

I'm not going to spend much time on the contrivance that led us to the final scenes. I mean, first, Erdem... why are you so incompetent?  And, second, do they not have E-signature in Turkey? Or scanners? Or even fax machines? The idea of having to fly to Italy just to sign something is ridiculous. Oh well, whatever drives their plot, I guess. 

The final Edser scene was brilliant and beautiful and heartfelt and romantic and ominous and painful. All the things it should have been for what happens next.  Poor Serkan! Poor Eda! Why can't they catch a break? 

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Lovely Writer Episode 11 - analysis

I'm still not quite over yesterday's episode and I have a lot of thoughts about it, so I just need to get it out of my system and write yet another analysis because I'm so much invested.

I saw some people saying this week's episode was the weakest of them all and I can only disagree because in my opinion, Lovely Writer gets better week after week. The weakest episode so far was the first one. The truth about Nubsib is revealed pretty slowly and you can only see the entire picture after ep 7 or something and I believe this is very well done. First, Lovely Writer is about Nubsib and who he is and this show thankfully doesn't get boring as soon as we get to know everything. Then, another conflict steps up and they deal with the angst of them coming out to, not only their parents, but basically the whole world. It's just a very interesting and clever storywriting because it feels like the creators of this show know what they are talking about.

Sexuality

Just because I've seen this post about the dinner Gene has with his friends in ep 4, I'm gonna talk about how his sexuality is handled and how much he grows with it. Gene never has a real conflict with his sexuality, at least it never seems that way. He has his moments with Nubsib and when they kiss, he likes it a lot but it's never a topic. He never says "I'm gay" but you can feel that he's not uncomfortable because Nubsib is a man but because Nubsib is invading his personal space. When Gene has dinner with his friends, they ask him more than once if he is gay or not. This whole scene was just very awkward and Gene doesn't really give them any answer. He doesn't deny it but he doesn't clarify it either. It's just a vibe we're getting that he's sure he's not straight. But this is an unspoken truth and I believe, he is not ready to clarify it yet because he doesn't want to say anything if he's not 100% sure.

Later in the show, Gene clarifies his sexuality alongside his sort of love confession when he shouts at his father. I find this extremely powerful because Gene waits until he's really in love with someone until he says anything about his sexuality. Like him falling for a man was his verification. And after he said it and stood up for it, he's a lot more relaxed and self-confident. He never denies it, even when his father first looks like he's not approving the relationship, because that's who he is. That is his identity.

Them vs the outside

It's something I've already addressed in my other analyses, but this devide returns every single episode. The first 20mins of this episode, we get cute SibGene scenes in Nubsib's apartment and it's basically them just being happy boyfriends. But then, Hin calls and the fairytale is over. The real world is back and it's again, nothing positive. As soon as the outside invades their lives again, the amount of couple moments stops and things are more serious now. Here, the problem grows slowly until it's huge and over these, I guess, 70mins, every argument and point of view is presented to then draw a big picture of the whole conflict itself and the tough decision they have to make. First, we have Gene not worrying, then him saying their love is between two people only, then Bua saying others rely on this and then Tum's sister saying fans are going wild. It's a lot to take and right before the big blow, we get a scene of Gene and Nubsib just holding each other (here). They still haven't seen the entirety of this problem and believe they will overcome it.

They feel sort of untouchable now that they have promised each other grand things and all that. They overcame the fight with the parents and bonded even more over it, so nothing could come between them. That's why we don't get their reactions to the Tweets, because they feel invincible and don't really worry about it. It is a sign of their seriousness and belief that they are strong together.

This episode started with their "love being between two people" and ended with their "love breaking beause of other people".

Love vs reputation

This brings me to this section of my analysis. The problem with this conflict is that there is no right solution and I still don't know what I would've done. Nubsib doesn't care about others but Gene does. It's a dilemma with no right or wrong. Both sides are understandable. The problem is that they both misunderstand each other. Gene thinks Nubsib is selfish and Nubsib thinks Gene only cares about others. Right now, they can't have both: love and the others. It's either one of them and both options mean a great sacrifice.

Repuation means a lot in the show business and even though Nubsib doesn't seem to care about it, it's very important and what the film industry relies on. His love for Gene causes the whole production to collapse and backfire because "SibAoey is not true". Their real love feels like a crime because it could mean the end for a few people (talking about Tum). So, it's love vs reputation, truth vs lie and them vs the outside.

In the end, Gene doesn't want to cause even more damage. He choses to damage two lives in order to keep hundreds save and I totally get where he is coming from but he's sacrificing his happiness. Nubsib was his redemption. A door to love and the end of loneliness. Now, Gene is back where he was and even more closeted now.

But his decision is very in character because he has proven before that he has his shell he's crawling into whenever things get too tense. He shuts the world and everyone else out in order to be alone in his head. So, he even pushes Nubsib away even though Nubsib showed him a happy life outside of that shell which is why Gene porbably feels really depressed living alone. If you once get to see, taste and feel happiness, you can't just let go and forget it.

During the break-up we even see Nubsib changing his mind (mentioned here). First, he wants to convince Gene to see things like he does and is not ready to change his mind. But then he realizes Gene is still the creator of "Bad Engineer". He put a lot of work and heart into the novel and Nubsib's solution to the problem would cause peple to badmouth Gene's story. So, Nubsib is ready to even agree to the option the company presented: only meeting in private. But Gene is so worked up at this point and has made up his mind that he sees no point in them being together and storms off to go back into his nutshell. In this moment, hiding seems to be easier for him than enduring the confrontation.

Protection of the fairytale

As I already said, Gene and Nubsib live in their fairytale and up until now we thought Nubsib is the only one who would do everything to protect it and prevent the outside from stepping in - and people still think that. But guys, don't forget that Gene knew about the Twitter thing as well. He also didn't address the issue. He also wanted to protect this faitytale and happiness.

This protection of what's very dear to them got puched in the face during the tough meeting. There's a lot of pressure and they have to decide what to do. They have no time to discuss and come to an agreement. People want answers right now, so each of them doesn't know what to do and just seeks understanding in each other's face. Nubsib and Gene don't sit next to each other to make the decision together, unlike the coming out to the parents when Nubsib took Gene's hand. This time, they look at each other with a look of horror and that's simply all they can do. They can't hold hands to reasure each other they will endure this no matter what (mentioned here).

What this show always showed is that Gene and Nubsib are strong together. They might act tough sometimes but they are both weak in a way that they need each other, that they need to lean onto each other. But that's not possible here and this protection of the fairytale no longer exists and is no longer possible. They can't protect their hearts right now and don't even have a chance. It feels like a metaphor to predict what is about to come. It's "a heart ripped in two" or "two hands ripped apart" if you want to be dramatic.

Nubsib

I still can't tell who Nubsib is. I feel we're lacking of information about him. Does he have any hobbies? Does he have at least one friend? Does he have a life apart from Gene? I feel like I'm watching Twilight. When Gene was driving back to his apartment and left Nubsib on the bed, I got really excited for a second we would finally see what he does in his alonetime but no, they cut to Gene and Hin's talk.

But really guys, what does Nubsib do when he's alone? Gene seems to be his hobby, his friend, his life...talking about toxicness here. And Gene still doesn't see it...

Aoey

Well, what should I say? I have no sympathy or pity left for him. I already analyzed his behavior this episode here and don't want to repeat myself.

Conclusion

This episode, again, contained a lot of angst, tension and uncomfort. Things were crashing down again and I just have to shout out to the actors and director and all of them. The scene of the break-up had me crying for 10mins and when Nubsib said "don't cry", I broke. Honestly. This made everything even more bittersweet and painful because you can feel the love they have and Nubsib still cares a lot, so he tries to comfort Gene but Gene pushes him away. It is an act of desperation. Nubsib doesn't want Gene to leave and tries to make it better but in the end Gene has made his decision.

But, but, but, what is going on with Tiffy? Why is she mistrusting Tum so much and pushes him away again? And why the hell doesn't she say anything to Aoey and believes his mindgames? Does she know something I don't? Can she tell what's real and what isn't? Because I can't and I'm usually good at reading people. And where is Mhok? Did Aoey scare him away? Did he just give up? So many questions and no answers.

I'm excited for next week!

[aspiestvmusings]

WandaVision series finale thoughts

MASSIVE SPOILERS

...you have been warned!

I’m not gonna spoil everything & I'm not gonna spoil the stuff that we didn’t much figure out anyway, but though I will wait with my longer “analysis”, I have to say a few things..now.. before I start my re-watch: 

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT! [behind the “keep reading” line]

1. I really like “Wanda’s” new costume. After ep 8 I realized that we’d seen a bit of it a long time ago...cause in one of the posters it’s not part of Vision’s costume that is in one of the TV screens, but part of Wanda’s new/future costume 

2. I knew...we all knew that this was coming. That Wanda (and all of us) are gonna see Vision go/die again. But despite everything... and despite the many unanswered questions (that the future projects will probably address) I kinda liked how they ended this journey. yes, I hoped, that somehow Vision would remain “alive” right at the end of this series, but the way it was done... I find it a “satisfying ending” for them on this show. 

Vision made Wanda a philisopher like he is/was ;) - she’s dropping such emotinally powerful (”romantic”) lines now... 

But mostly...I just wanted to say two things: 

ONE: 

RDJ/Tony carried the MCU on his shoulders for the first decade

Elizabeth Olsen/”Wanda” will probably do that for the next decade

...and this show made their stories ever more similar. Both are seeing as “villain” by many. But neither had malicious intents - that’s the true difference between villains & heroes in fiction. One makes mistakes along the way & unintentionally hurts others (Tony, Wanda), both learn from mistakes & apologize/try to make up for it. 

But what some might not understand about Monica’s last words to Wanda is that she wasn’t so much referring to her giving up this Hex! Vision here & now, but also/mainly to her original sacrifice...five years ago. She made the ultimate sacrifice then (by killing him, part of her). That event...lead to this event. Yes, she gave up her happiness....again..for everyone elses,  but...without her original sacrifice these people might not live/exist, have loved ones to go to... and though what the WV residents experiences is not OK... but she really did not mean to do any of this. It was caused by her grief, and her not understanding her powers & not knowing how to use them. 

The pain, loneliness, grief they felt through her mind control is just a fraction of what she was feeling. And for everyone else the story had a happy ending..like her sitcoms...but hers did not. She wrote a happy ending for everyone else besides herself. She literally had to choose which tracks the train will turn to: the one where her kids/love is (3) vs where everyone else is (thousands). Yes, she accidentaly set the train moving in the first place, but the point is that she did not do it intentionally. And she fixed her mistake...as well as possible. 

TWO: 

For me, personally, there have been only two deaths in the MCU that have really moved me. With both I knew they were coming (inevitable), but with both I hoped there’s a way around it. And...there might be...at some point in the future... for this character (I mean...they laid all the groundwork...)

I don’t really do actual tears, but I was & am crying on the inside for two fictional superheroes: 

First was Tony’s in Endgame

Second was Vision’s (and kids) in WandaVision

None of the others have affected me as deeply. Not even Vision’s first double-death in Avengers 3. Not even Nat’s in Endgame. Both heartbreakingly beautiful scenes, but for me pale compared to the two I listed before. 

Also... Wanda & Vision are now, without a doubt, my favourite MCU couple. My first love/ship Tony & Pepper come second, close by. But this show... just gave them both so much room to grow & showed their journey so well...that the movies did not have time to do...neither for them...nor the other ships (Pepperony). 

One of the biggest surprises for me was the Vision VS Vision stuff...you know which part I am talking about (the ibrary). I did not expect that, but I like that this was the route taken, cause it does also make sense..for Vision(s)...

Also... I don’t care about “multiverse”, so I did not care about the Fietro thing, nor that there was no big bad villain hidden anywhere else..til last minute. The villain was the grief... in many ways. And since WV is set 8 months before FFH, then I was pretty sure all along that there’s no way they can open the multiverse in this show... it cannot happen before the events of those Spidey events. So... yeah... IDK why so many are “disappointed”... cause it never fit into the timeline wea already knew about. 

But the Fietro joke did tell me/us this much: that Fietro is an actor (just like Trevor Slattery was in IM3) or those are his “undercover files”, cause who else keeps headshots (pics with their name under pic) laying around ? And...since we never did get confirmation about Jimmy’s missing witness then it’s possible he was it. Cause that last name seems so unbelievable (childish joke) that it might just be a part of coverstory...And/Or he might be a skrull & that rabbit might be the Flerken...cause those things were left unexplained (his superspeed, for example...cause can Agatha give anyone that “skill”). Either way... there is more to Ralph’s story & the missing persons story... And I do think they’re the same person...whether he’s just random witness, or has some MCU meaning....

I kinda had a hard time believing Agnes would be as powerful as she was, but...she’s been feeding off of others magic, so...makes sense. So I accept her somewhat success against Wanda & co. But...she made the mistake every villain does & Wanda cleverly used magic & misdirection against her (I love all the parallels between Tony/Thanos & Wanda/Agatha) to win, cause she is more clever, even if shes studied less.

Also...for me one of the biggest unanswered questions is: how & why did Dr. Strange not..seemingly...arrive to WV. He must’ve sensed it, he must’ve been aware of the event.  I expect & need Dr. Strange 2 to answer that. Cause it just surprised me that he seemingly wasn’t monitoring the situation. (but...again..he might’ve been...just from distance...or something...and we weren’t shown it just yet)

[neeterloveschenford]

Thoughts on RNM 3x09

Ok y’all, here we go. Finally we are an official couple! Malex for the win!! (Other things happened, but ya know. Priorities.) I was very happy overall with the progress our boys have made. And as much as I’ve enjoyed this season, I’m glad we’ve had a bit of a time jump. Even if I think it’s only been a few days. I was pretty sure that Kyle and Max would already be up and about. It would have taken too much of an episode to deal with bringing Max out of the pod and Kyle waking up from his coma. Do I feel a little short changed? Yeah. But I get it. There’s only 13 episodes and there is a lot that we have to get to before the finale. So on that note, I’m gonna dive right in. Care to join me?

You go Nora with your badass self killing all those clones. (I mean harsh, but hopefully they were just vessels and had no consciousness to speak of.) And Jones being his crazy dictator self killing that scientist was super harsh. And can we for the love of God get Lucky away from him!?!?!?! He is the goodest boi! He deserves better.

Go on science Liz. I don’t understand half of what she said, but I believe it. And I love how badass she is when she sciences. And there we get our first glimpse of Malex goodness, “Me and Alex are working on the Lockhart machine.” Because of course they are. Because their brilliance only intensifies when they work together. Loved Isobel’s gross face when Liz talks about Noah’s spores. And here’s where we get the Heath story taking off. Max is not gonna like this one!

Ok, Deep Sky doctor lady. I really dig your hair, but do you know who you’re talking to here? Kyle is the premiere alien doctor on this planet. He probably knows more about weird biology than you’ll ever learn. Listen to my boy! And Kyle honey, you are completely justified in your righteous indignation. And you are correct in that no one is more qualified in top-secret ET shenanigans than you baby. (I really need to figure out how to use that line in real life. It’s like the best thing he’s ever said.) I still don’t know whether or not to trust Eduardo. I want to, but I’m still not sure what he’s all about.

I love how dedicated Isobel is. She’s downright obsessed and I love this side of her. And her cockblocking Delmanes was so funny all episode. I also really love that Greg is fully involved now. The Pod Squad needs all the allies they can get at this point.

That phone call almost made me cry. They look so incredibly happy to just be together. I knew as soon as Alex said he wouldn’t forget their date that it wouldn’t happen, but still. Just the fact that they are both ready for that step is amazing. They have both grown so much. I’m just so happy to see them so happy. It was truly amazing. And I agree with Michael. Alex needs to talk codey more often!

It was totally cute that Max had a get Liz playlist, but does he know what the song The Way is about? It’s not exactly romantic.

Heath, you’re in trouble now!

Delmanes are so cute! Isobel is so adorable when she is flustered by a pretty girl!. I will admit though, that I really wish Anatsa hadn’t slept with Max. I mean these guys tend to be a little too close sometimes. But, you know, that seems to be the way this show is going to roll. Blame it on Carina’s lingering messes from the last two seasons and move on.

Of course Alex would manifest Nora. Despite his growth, he still has a lot of guilt over her death and his father’s role in it. I love that Michael is his focus. Alex’s love for Michael will always be the guiding factor in everything he does. He wants more than anything to make sure that Michael has a good life. And I think he’s finally learned that his presence in Michael’s life is what makes it good. I love these two dumbos! (said lovingly) They make me so happy!!

Come on Max. Tell Liz how you not only kept her tapes, but you would listen to them in the desert while crying and missing her! These two are the real dumbos in this show. (said not so lovingly)

I love how powerful Isobel’s become. And that was way cool the way she pulled that pod out of the lake. I’ve really loved her journey this season. And Maria was right, that camp was really beautiful.

I just don’t know if we can trust Eduardo yet! He says all the right things, but he just seems too good to be true! I hope my misgivings are wrong. I really want Kyle and Alex both to have someone who will be a good father figure. They both deserve it.

You know what would have been an awesome twist? If Jesse had shown up when Alex saw the project shepherd tech in Nora’s machine.

I love how Michael just wants to take care of Alex. Lovingly breaking into his boyfriend’s house. What a romantic.

You know what Maria? Get it girl! I think Delmanes is both sexy and adorable. I am ok with them being together!

I love that Kyle is so determined to do the right thing. He has really grown to care about all the aliens. He just wants to do the right thing and I love him for it. He is proving every day that he is the best member of the Valenti family. I’m so proud of my baby boy!

And now we’re getting down to business with Echo. They both have made mistakes and they both have admitted as such, but it still surprises me that Liz cannot see why Max is so scared of his secrets getting out. (Am I really taking Max’s side in something? What is wrong with this picture?) Also, she is so determined to believe the best of Heath that she doesn’t want to see what’s glaringly obvious. I saw this coming like five episodes ago. Just saying.

If Vlamis doesn’t make that shirt part of his next merch drop, I will scream. I would wear the heck out of that shirt! And Eduardo’s face when Michael is standing in his office was the best! And bragging about how smart his boo is! Michael just adores his brilliant hacker boyfriend!

Admittedly, yoda Maria is getting a little old. But I am glad that Maria and Isobel are friends now. They really compliment each other so well. And I loved how Isobel took drinks out of Greg’s hand all ep.

My sweet Alex! I love him so much. Pushing himself so hard to try to help Michael. It’s all about Michael. His capacity to love is so huge. And then Michaell comes to the rescue. He’s always got him. That’s the kind of grand declaration that we need in our lives. The way that Alex grabbed onto Michael’s shirt was everything. They just bring so much joy to my soul.

Isobel and Anaste are cute, but my Kybel heart still beats strong. Also, I still think she’s an alien or something. I have decided to just not trust anyone new.

Michael listening to Alex, comforting him, and admitting he’s had the same fears was beautiful. I love how strong he is now. He’s really putting himself out there to be there for the people that matter the most. And that Sander’s story was so sweet. Of course that would be the perfect date for these two. And the fact that they worked together perfectly to take out the evil PS part and put the machine back together the way it was meant to be was such a great metaphor for their relationship. I can’t believe we are getting so much goodness right now. We are truly blessed.

Still making me take Max’s side Liz. You really are letting me down. Oh wait, helping Michael be less Michael. Yep, Max made me remember why I hate him. Never mind.

So Dallas is an alien. (At least somebody new is!) Not who I thought it would be though. And since we saw him in one of the s4 bts pics, then we know he’s probably sticking around. I am intrigued. And now we know what Heath’s been up to. I guess he’s supposed to be a not so bad guy since he’s trying to help his best friend. But you hurt my Kyle dude. There’s really no coming back from that.

I am still pleased with 99% of this season. We’re coming down to the wire now. I just hope for more and more goodness with every episode. Even if we have to have another episode without Alex, I am expecting there to be some mentions of him by Michael. This season has made me so so happy. I can’t believe we are living in a time when Malex is together and building a beautiful relationship that will stand the test of time. We are a blessed people. And I cannot wait for more! Till next time guys!!

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep ramble 7x01

I joked in my finale ramble at the end of season 6 that the episode was called ‘Forever’ because that’s how long it would feel between seasons...well joke's on me because now, after 587 days, we are FINALLY here. The Younger drought has been a tough one, but we have been generously compensated by getting the first four episodes all at once, which is both exciting and also, turns out, incredibly overwhelming. As usual the thoughts and feelings are many, mostly feelings (read: I am NOT ok) but let’s start off with a delve into the premiere episode, ‘A Decent Proposal’.

The episode picks up within minutes of where the season 6 finale left off, with Diana and Enzo not wasting any time to hot foot it out of their wedding reception and into their happily ever after (Arrivederci bitches!). Of course I’m very happy for Diana and her happiness but there’s only one couple’s happiness that I am on tenterhooks about now that Diva is sorted and that is Charles and Liza, as they watch their sprinklers fizzle out in some sort of awkward, symbolic, anti-climax. 

You may recall that mere moments earlier, Charles had popped the question on the dancefloor before the two were separated by an obligatory conga line, and Charles quickly assumes that Liza’s lack of enthusiasm to shout her answer across the reception of another person’s wedding is an answer in itself. As anyone who has read my rambles before knows, I unapologetically fly the Team Charles flag, and let me tell you, despite her supreme stalling techniques (you’re not divorced yet, we should probably speak to the children blah blah), hearing Liza say, ‘my answer is, I love you’, my jaw hit the floor. I’m sorry, did Liza Miller just declare her feelings openly and directly and with absolute certainty??? We’re 33 seconds into the new season and I AM SHOOKETH DARREN. 

Speaking of declaring feelings openly and directly, I love absolutely everything about this opening scene. The music choice was perfect and really helped build the moment, as Charles told Liza he understands her hesitation before un-asking her to marry him (so that when the she’s made her mind she can pop the question - I kid you not, this has always been my dream...). The music cutting out and just hearing the crickets as Liza asks if he’s really withdrawing the proposal, his quip about her having to make the next move, assuming he’s still on the market (I love/hate this foreshadowing btw), it is Charles/Liza banter at its best and my sappy heart was soaking up every morsel. Throw in some CGI fireworks and the observation that they are sign (which may or may not play out at a later date) and you have yourself a pretty darn near perfect start to Younger’s final season.

Speaking of talking openly and directly, one of the staples of the Youngerverse, the Maggie morning debrief, is back as our way to gain insight into the thoughts, feelings and ponderings of Liza. Straight off the bat I am very pleased that Maggie has fully committed to ‘Chaz’ for Charles and I’m even happier that we actually hear these two talking about what’s going on because honestly, the last couple of seasons the Maggie/Liza convos, which we traditionally rely on heavily to know where Liza is at and to hear Maggie’s sage/sometimes terrible advice, have been skimmed over or felt rushed. We are also reminded that Liza has indeed seen Charles’ goods (the Empiriconda, she’s meaning the Empiriconda) and that the sex is hot, because we need to have all the information on top of the declarations of love to highlight how their relationship is pretty much perfect so that what transpires is even more painful.

Other things that are painful include the fact that Diana will be decidedly absent for most of the season (to be fair scheduling/covid are pretty legit reasons and in ep 1 we can chalk that up to her honeymoon, so more lamenting on that later), but early on it provides some pretty fab Lauren Diva-worshiping. Donning a baroque print Moschino suit that would’ve made Fran Fine jealous, Lauren is clearly distracted by the responsibility of her interim role at Empirical, as her mother frets about the theme for her 30th birthday party over face-time.

Keeping up the chaotic energy, we also discover that Kelsey has to go and let Quinn know she no longer needs her money (these characters’ ongoing relationship with the woman who has tried to ruin all of them at some point really needs unpacking with a good therapist at this stage) and Josh is in full frantic dad mode because he thinks Clare is trying to kidnap Gemma (lol that Lauren straight up calls her out on it later). Two quick points here:1) love seeing this side of Josh and 2) love Kelsey’s calm, measured reassurance that of course Clare would want her family to meet Gemma. I will say though, Josh meeting Rob for the first time when he’s about to go with Clare and Gemma to Ireland and hearing this guy he doesn’t know from a bar of soap exclaim, ‘I’m just in love with your daughter’ was super unfair. Not cool Clare, not cool. 

Kelsey keeps her cool as she breaks the news of her change of heart to our fave resident villain, who comes complete with a bowl of fortune cookies she ominously encourages Kelsey to consult while also enjoying her own fortune, ‘a new love will come into your life’. It’s all very OTT and ridiculous in it’s obvious foreshadowing and I am here for every minute of it because I sincerely love to hate Quinn very much.

My love of all things over the top is further fed by Lauren entering Diana’s office and making her way to the desk - the music, the way Lauren looks at the framed picture of Diana and Enzo before relegating it to the drawer, any moment I was expecting her to utter ‘my precious’ as she became more and more entranced by the power of the neckwear, before Liza abruptly broke the spell by asking what she was doing and warned her off her consideration of claiming Diana’s office as her own. Very much appreciated the continuity later in the episode when Liza is very distressed that Lauren has gone full-Trout with the chunky baubled ornament around her neck, though Lauren is less Invasion of the Body Snatchers and more Nancy Drew at this point, as she has caught wind of Charles’ proposal while reviewing video footage from Diana’s wedding which she decided, for some reason, to show Josh, who was ‘still not interested’ (we hear your words Josh but your face says otherwise). I am very on board the Liza/Lauren dynamic and their ‘circle of trust’ as Liza asks that Lauren keep the proposal to herself (we really haven’t seen the friendship between these two much) and Liza’s gratitude, ‘Thank you...Di-va’, is hilarious, as is the response, ‘my pleasure, Queen’.

We get many fine moments in the office this ep, the first meeting when there are formal announcements and speeches made welcoming Kelsey back...to a conference room of Charles, Liza, Lauren and a random guy we’ve never seen or heard from before and never will again it seems. It makes me laugh that every person in the room except the dude we’ll never know already knows everything but hey, formality is important I guess? The pitch for ‘Little Women in Space’ by an author played by an actress who is friends IRL with Sutton Foster and they were in the musical Little Women together is honestly too much but also just the right amount and this show does meta so well (not to mention Lauren’s excited outburst upon realising her party theme plus her making sure Liza knows that she knows about the proposal. Subtle as a sledgehammer is our Lauren). 

One not-so-fine moment is the extremely out of left field resignation of Zane followed by the completely douchey moment of him breaking up with Kelsey via face-time with the line, ‘I love you Kelsey, take care’. I’m sorry, what?? On the one hand, I get it that CMD wasn’t available for the season so in some respects better to deal with it swiftly and move on, but it was very abrupt and strange. I had zero investment in the pairing so it doesn’t overly affect my viewing, but any fans out there shipping those two, are you ok? Because that was a brutal way for a pairing to simply cease to exist.

So we have I love yous being thrown around by Kelsey and Zane as they break up because that makes sense (in retrospect I should’ve seen what was coming because these words clearly mean NOTHING *breathes deeply, exhales slowly*) but thank goodness Liza is there to comfort Kelsey, whose statement that she really doesn’t care would be a lot more convincing if she wasn’t crying inconsolably. We get a beautiful transition from Kelsey’s office to Charles’ with a sweeping aerial shot across the autumnal canopy of Central Park along with the gentle music adding to the relaxed pacing of the episode. Liza doesn’t want it to be weird between her and Charles now that the proposal is out there (well actually, its 100% in her court but yes), so he reassures her it’s not weird at all by planting a kiss on her that almost triggers the sprinklers because friends, it is HOTTT. Cue super cute exchange about pro and cons lists, lovingly looking into one another’s eyes and then, another ‘ I love you’ from Liza to Charles followed by Charles responding, ‘I love you too’, and despite my deceased status at this point, it was magical. But also WHAT. IS. HAPPENING. 

These two are so enamoured with one another and it’s as though it’s something they just say to each other all the time, but this is literally the first episode we’ve heard any kind of expression of feelings to one another since the season 6 premiere and even then it wasn’t this direct; Liza ran away and Charles told her he didn’t mind not being at the office because he did it for the woman he loves followed by a cute story about how he can do maths because he’s had feelings for her for 16 years. Don’t get me wrong, the entire scene this episode was perfect and it was SO well done in the way it captured the best parts of their dynamic (damn you Darren Star for being so good at what you do), but it also felt like we were being shown the dream version of what could have been before it’s all snatched away.

Not unlike Millennial, which is like naming a business Boomer Print according to the table of boomers at the investor meeting who blindside Kelsey and Charles by voting to restore the name Empirical (head boomer has clearly had it with millennials, indicated by his statement, ‘who gives a shit about millennials any more?’) and so it is done and Kelsey is officially having a very bad week. It is while enjoying a quiet bourbon in the bar that evening that Charles is joined by Quinn, who is allegedly on her apology tour to explain to investors why she dropped out of the Senate race, but also offers Charles what seems to be a sincere apology for treating his company like a toy (prediction: nothing is ever as it seems with Quinn). I have a confession to make and believe me, I don't like it any more than you do - they absolutely nailed the set up of tension and a little bit of a spark between Charles and Quinn in this scene IMO and I...I *whispers* I liked it.

What I liked even more was Lauren’s completely in character entrance to her own birthday party, omg it’s so ridiculous and perfectly her and Denise telling her daughter, ‘fix your crotch, good girl’ had me chuckling. I feel like we’re getting Kelsey’s set up for the season at this party too, as she’s feeling unsure of what defines her now, and the conversation about defining things carries over into Josh and Liza’s chat when he asks her if congratulations are in order. This exchange between the two of them is just lovely, with Liza clearly feeling a little awkward talking to Josh about Charles, but Josh reassures her that he does like him, for her, and that it brings him joy to know she’s happy. They agree that their relationship doesn’t need to be defined, and that they'll always be in each others’ lives no matter who they’re with. It feels very final for their romantic relationship and I would be celebrating the end of the triangle had I not clocked Josh’s fallen expression as Liza walks away. I really do hope that Josh finds someone he loves and who loves him the way he wants to be loved this season. Josh’s words gave Liza some clarity of her own and so we find ourselves at the magnificent Seaglass Carousel, home of Liza and Charles’ first proper date, once more.

Charles is clearly full of hope and expectation as he meets Liza and they remember the time he and the beard we try to forget about brought her there and it’s all amazing and beautiful and...*collects self*...Liza tells him that she just wants to keep riding the perfect ride. She once again tells him she loves him (we’re up to three times in one ep now for those of you playing at home), that all she wants is his heart and that she wants to be happily unmarried to him every day. To say this does not go down the way she is expecting is an understatement; we learn that Charles doesn’t want a ride, he wants to get off the carousel and not live in a fantasy. He believes in marriage whereas she believes they are now finally free and folks, this is why you talk about your stance on marriage in a relationship BEFORE you pop the question out of nowhere at someone’s wedding. 

You can see on his face, as Liza says she doesn’t want to define their relationship by the rules and obligations of marriage, that he’s hearing that she is not all in (whether that’s true or not) and he thanks her for letting him know what’s in her heart. You know the bit that actually plunges the knife into my heart? Charles shaking his head as Liza says his name, clearly overcome with emotion, before he kisses her on the head looking as though his world has just come crumbling down around him. That knife just gets twisted even further as Liza is left there in disbelief, (we are all Liza in that moment honestly), trying to process how her own declaration could be so easily rejected. You know, I knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it any less painful. I can see it from both perspectives and I have no doubt that these two characters have a lot they need to address and work through as a result of their own failed marriages if they’re going to have healthy relationships moving forward. 

I tell you what, after so long with no new episodes, this first episode of the season was concurrently beautiful and heart-breaking and one thing’s for certain - this final ride ain’t gonna be smooth. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m just going to go and regain some composure so we can start on ep 2...

Season 6 ramble collection can be found here

[otakumagicmusicgamer]

Spoilers Ahead for the first season of My Next Life As A Villianess <3

Oh where to begin. First of all, when the summary said it was a comedy of misunderstandings, I got scared. I have really bad second hand embarrassment and it’s a very fine line of Dense Misunderstandings For Comedy and A Cringefest of Pain For “Comedy” (even playing an anxiety spiral itself for laughs). But oh! How I was happily surprised! It really goes with the flow and doesn’t rely on ridicule or anything. There’s just Catarina, dense weird wonderful Catarina, and everyone in some fashion accepts her for her. So this is actually pleasant to watch!

Now, Catarina- what a delight. What makes her interesting is she takes Fortune Lover Catarina and humbles her. Takes selfish and mean and spins it 180. If she puts out mean into the world, it comes back at her in the end. She knows she has the potential for a ‘scary face’ and actively chooses not to use it. And her feelings on the matter are not just for survival, theyre genuine too. But what makes this fascinating is her lack of accounting for things *not* in the game. She doesn’t consider, by blazing a new path in the game -where Catarina is nice- that new ‘routes’ form. She focuses on Maria’s pov so much, she doesn’t see her own. She doesn’t see the good she’s put out, cuz she’s supposed to be the antagonist. She’s so focused on the doom flags, she doesn’t realize there *are* no doom flags. There’s nothing for the game to doom, no punishment for cruelty. What’s more, even by taking the place of ‘The Suitors’ in scenes with Maria, she doesn’t consider /any of them/ having feelings for her. (Geordo kisses her neck for crying out loud.) Why? Because Catarina Claes is not a romanceable character in Fortune Lover. There are a lot of paths, but she is not one of them. She has no successful romantic relationship, nor any. Which makes this whole anime downright Fascinating. By taking out the antagonist, there is no doom. By inserting a reborn earnest friendly kind tree-climbing high school girl in her place, there is no Fortune Lover. The fact that she is aware of Fortune Lover makes her almost omnipresent, and putting all her points into Survival and Durability and Craves Sweets and nothing else, makes her human. No high marks, denser than bricks, but damn if she ain’t the prettiest embodiment of a Nokia phone. She’d be an apocalypse survivor. “How did she survive a landslide in a volcano? Idk it’s Catarina.” Oh, and the last scene? The friendship ending? Yeah, she’s not wrong. It is a friendship ending.... for Maria. She ends up with none of the interests and stays good friends with them, no bad blood or nothing. Cuz again, Catarina isn’t a love interest. It just so happens that the entire company present in the area is so fucking in love with her that they say the Line Of Romance to her and, while they may bicker, they do not hold bad feelings for each other. If all of them could be married to Catarina and live in a big ol house together, they’d be so fuckin content. And best part? None of this is condemned. No “ya gotta pick one and only one”. They saw a harem and went ‘ya know? Let’s embrace this’ and now the characters r so chill with their plant growing, tree climbing gf. (I’m sure her mother wishes *something* good could rub off on Catarina lol) You hear that? That’s the sound of a Polyamorous nerd feeling validated. (It’s me, I feel validated by this Polyamorous romcom anime, this is my home now)

My thoughts on the rest of the cast aren’t going to be as long. The anime does a good job of going through each characters thoughts and arcs. And I adored Anne’s POV on things as well, how she is also moved to tears by Catarina’s good heart. Even her mother, who is harsh but only because she cares. (I would have loved to see the look on her mother’s face when she was in the coma, how she would have grieved, what she would have reflected on. Her father is a bit more transparent in emotions, but he would have been great to see too). I also would have loved to see Mary and Maria in the book of desire. I figure Maria would kinda be like Alan, but oh, what would Mary have done? (Guess I need fanfiction to answer that lol.) Keith’s role as a love interest for Catarina is the only least liked thing I have on here. And honestly it’s cuz they keep *calling* them brother and sister. I know they’re not actually siblings, mostly that’s left over from Fortune Lover, and “distant relative” can and is shorthand for a lot of things so like it’s even possible they aren’t related at all. And the characters don’t find it horrible that he loves her, and probably know he’s a Distant Relative so they’re like whatevs. So like, it’s not incest. It’s not even as potently close to incest as anime can get. But it’s the only thing that could be deemed a Flaw about this anime, so it stands out. I do wish the ending couple of eps could have been a little more Maria, and her having a bit more importance in general. Also her light magic having an effect a bit in the ‘fight’ with Sirius. Although I do want to think the green glow of hope was Maria, tho I’m pretty sure the assumption is Acchan.

Which btw can I say was an absolute treat? I suspected something was up with Sirius but I did not suspect that. I wonder what his base magic is, if it isn’t dark magic? I had thought he saved Sophia and Catarina and thus also had wind/light magic. But oh man, when he started lashing out on Catarina cuz he thought she was also faking kindness? That she was purposely saving people? That a part of his resentment of nobles was being projected? That somewhere he also caught Feelings and thus the mage doubled down on his control? That when Catarina looked at Sirius and touched his hand and face, her (Nerd™️) instincts kicked in and pieced everything together and also saw him in such pain and misery? That she holds herself to the antagonist title, that she’s there to ruin and thus can’t *save* anyone, (a bittersweet sentiment) so she’s not intimidated by the burst of dark magic and just honestly wants his friendship and sit with him through his pain? MY HEART! IT SCREAMS! (I love this sort of dynamic yes Ive loved Fruits Basket for years don’t look at me like that).

What else.... the little peppering in the fact that Oh Yeah She’s Dead hit like a truck. The little bit with her family, of her past life? Yeah, ouch. Got me crying. Don’t think to much into that rabbit hole, you’ll get sad. I fucking ADORE the twist of Sophia being Acchan, or at least part of her. Her being so scared of loosing her best friend (and love of her life) again? Yeah, tears man. Catarina accidentally mending the relationships between Geordo and Alan and Maria and her mother was great. Having Mary and Sophia dance with Catarina at her birthday party was a delightful touch, as was not having all the romance novels be m/f, and none of it was a joke or negatively placed- just *there*. I do enjoy the interests butting heads with each other over private time with Catarina. It was mostly Geordo and Keith (“they’re such good friends” girl if they had a tenth of lil Alan’s Fight Me energy you’d have to put them on leashes) but I loved the little bits of Geordo vs Mary and Sophia cheering on Nicol and I reeeeally hope to see more of that. To provoke subtle sass from Alan and Maria would be a great sight, and more of Raphael joining the ranks. I laugh at all the times they mutter “gotta protect her, she’s seduced another one” cuz like, girl ain’t doing shit but running into people that happen to be Moron-sexual, holding their hand and refusing to leave. And they KNOW that. And it’s great. edit: HOW COULD I FORGET HER MAGIC! God I want Catarina to get better at magic. More than just Earth Bumps pls

All in all? I love this anime. 9.5/10. Tis good stuff. And if ya read all my late night/oops it’s 4am ramblings, good on you! I feel bad tagging this cuz it’s long but I’m also on mobile so god knows what this actually looks like but I needed my thoughts down so hey, thanks