#also dont mind my ocs down there heh

[awrkive]

Hi dee!! Im in a bit of a reading drought lately I feel like I read every good fic on here, my favourite manhwa is on a hiatus and I cannot fucking figure out ao3 all I see is about ot7 and hybrids but I’m a chill guy I’m not into alphas or harems (no judging whatsoever I my self might look into that in the near future heh😼) Do you have any recommendations on ao3/wattpad? It can be on here too I dont mind but I’ve probably read it lol. Maybe awrkive nation also has recommendations??

I mostly read for jk and tae yoongi as well but I’m open to whatever if the writing is good!!

Ps I already follow your rec account so yup

hiii!!! i feel you smmm i also feel like ive already read all the good fics here 😭 unfortunately i dont read on wattpad, and its been really really long since i visited ao3 for a fic and tbh i havent been reading a lot of fanfictions at all im so sorry </3 whats on my rec page are all my current reads </3

but off the top of my head i can list u these fics that ive read on ao3 like yearssss ago (these fics are old as hell im sorry if ur looking for more recent ones as i said i gen havent been reading a lot of ffs at all on any platform) 😭

arranged (hobi x freader) by obiwrites - idk if i have ever mentioned it here but miss obi is my favorite fanfic writer of all time easily top 3 best bts x reader writer OF ALL TIME AND SHES NOT TOP 2ND OR 3RD!!!!!!!!!!!!! hall of famer in everybody's hearts i dont make the rules and arranged is her best fic and best bts x reader fanfic of all time its true u ask every army and ther mamas that existed from 2018 to 2020 out there thats gonna be their answer. unfortunately she has privated almost all of her works now and u can only access some if u have an ao3 acc but arranged is still up there!

bound (yoongi x freader) by obiwrites - this is an unfinished fic but i cant not mention it 😭😭😭 the tddup series (this and arranged) is my roman empire and it completely changed my brain chemistry this is not a joke. series stopped updating in 2021 and i still check it time to time like girl move on

crimson park (jk x freader) by heartbeatan - soo so freaking good. the plot twist made me put my phone down. so so well written and saur sexy ): i think about this jungkook and this oc all the time they are so yummers you would wish you were their third ):

devil's garden (tae x freader) by heartbeatan - its another unfinished fic im so sorry but its kind of like in the same universe as the fic above but its so good i didnt mind even if it was not completed ):

toys series by heartbeatan - series ft. ot7 but not poly. each part is with a member x (diff) fem reader (is it getting obvious that im a big fan of heartbeatan)

the lowlander (jk x oc) by foxymoxy - it deals with a lot of heavy themes so make sure to proceed with utmost caution. but trust me when i say it is very well written. the whole worldbuilding ate so bad miss foxy is a genius. also the rest of her stuff is really good so make sure to check them out as well!

growing pains (jk x freader) by univsa - honestly u should check out all of her works!!!!! such a talented writer but this fic in particular nearly put me on sewercide watch it was so angsty

the devil skates on thin ice (yoongi x freader) by seokeros - miss ivory was on tumblr before but im not sure if she still has her works here and if uve come across them but her stuff is still on ao3 if ur interested in checking it out

a ticket to the sun (yoongi xfreader) by seokeros - highly highly recommended!!! i cried ):

until you make it (joon x freader) by versigny - so freaking cute i nearly died. the writer also has a huuuge bts masterlist so make sure to check them out!

the wedding arrangement (joon x freader) by sugalights - u need to have an ao3 acc to access their works first of all. but yeh this fic quite literally changed my life

im sorry for the lack of tae fics in this but i gen dont rmr any tae fics i read on ao3, only on tumblr 😭 if ur not familiar with @/prolixitae on tumblr, she wrote my most fave tae fic ever which is called "fate of the fast and furious" and make sure to check out the drabbles and extras about the couple as well!!!

these are just some of my favorites that i can still remember.. sorry if the list is saur short hope u enjoy reading them nonetheless!! (im sure u will... these writers are some of the best to ever do it <<<3)

also if some of u guys have more recs from ao3 feel free to drop them on the reply section!!!!!

[enden-k]

ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ cat brought a gift

(it's still not what i had quite in mind, but it's a good start imo)

the funny thing about drawing either saran or vika is how different the challenge settings are for me.

saran is a type of character that is familiar to me - be it my, funnily enough, aversion of eye motifs irl that instead becomes a fascination in drawn media, his ghostly/evil entity self that is right up my alley of enjoyment, his cat-gremlin-menace presence that goes soft around vika... saran simply gives me a lot to work with that i know where to start already and am comfortable with (and it can go wild, be it in a horror-esque way, or something soft and silly).

vika on the other hand is too vast for me to capture yet - he's detached from everything, be it his senses or the world; he is a living ghost that barely is tethered to reality, and that is hard for me to capture, even if i can personally relate to that (maybe that is why it's so hard, dissociating irl is already hard to track, now trying to put it down visually, in a way, makes it a fun challenge). but there is also a softness, this yearning that fills this emptiness around him that has a small line to walk on to capture it correctly, and not add too much.

what i'm trying to say is, both of them are very fun characters to capture in moments, but they have different levels of challenge that don't really overlap, and with saran being a more of an eye-catching presence (heh), it's the easier choice to draw...and also he keeps haunting me during the night, it feels like i need to speed up my vika skills to appease him (so worth it).

both of them are imbedded in my brain now, and it's delightful, 10/10, will keep losing my mind again and again. eventually i will bring a whole body vika with what i had in mind, as an offering from my delight that you accidentally brought me /ᐠ˵- ⩊ -˵マ

WAHHHHHH HE LOOKS SO CUTE LOOK AT MY (grown ass) FLUFFY BABY AAAAAAA

also i get what you mean with vika being a challenge to draw (not as in hes hard to draw but as in for others to capture him since its different for me ofc with him being my OC etcetc)

saran still keeps haunting you at night? 😭 whats my mans doing he rlly needs to behave smh my head

again pls dont feel obligated to draw him but ill still look forward if you draw him again HAZGDHXH he looks so lovely in ur style aaaa im eating this....thanku sm 🙏🙏🙏🙏

(omg u included the spiderlilies bc they remind him of saran .... i cry 🖤)

[ilovejoll]

I have had no thoughts but Joll in my head for the last few days, and your art of them is so good its blowing my mind. Do you have any ideas about them you'd like to share?

YEYEYYESS MY DISEASE IS SPREADDINGGG they and another ship that’s oc x canon has ALL I’ve been able to think about these past 2 months omggggg. I’m glad u like my art btw… I LOVEE drawing them so much… I have a bunch of wips and ideas that I haven’t finished drawing yet but them both being secondary antagonists (and also kinda … throw away characters…………) makes them a good pair……… heh…… anyway uh I steer away from canon kind of when thinking of these two cus like realistically (and sadly) they’ve only interacted like once but haven’t spoken to one another BUT YK IDC. I believe that they’re both probably extremely touch deprived.like. EXTREMELY. And doll probably feels like she’s allergic to any kind of physical affection that’s too touchy while J acts like she doesn’t like it while also YEARNING for some. Their main way to show affection is probably handholding or bumping foreheads… I like to think J holds dolls face a lot.like cradling her face in her hands and pressing her forehead against the others. I ALSO THINK DOLL WOULD PICK AT HER MISSING EYE WHENEVER SHE DOESNT HAVE THE EYEPATCH ON and j doesn’t like that she’d stop her immediately. I have this hc that j feels most safe sleeping like a bat with her wings cocooned around her, she’d hold doll against her chest while they both sleep DOLL WOULDNT LIKE BEING UPSIDE DOWN LIKE THAT but since j feels safest in that position she wouldn’t protest much. Also. J. Definitely. DEFINITELY. Likes stuffed animals. And I like to think doll’s parents (before they died) would give her a bunch of dolls ans stuffed toys that she really doesn’t feel the need to have anymore so once she finds out J likes toys she’d let her hold them or even keep some if she wants them that bad. J in my mind is a goddamn cuddle bug she will put her face in dolls head and have her arms around her waist just because she wants to feel closer and of course she’d want to cuddle and stuff.if doll pays attention to anything that’s not her during a cuddle session or wants to get up j’ll het irritated “WE’RE NOT DONEEE lie down” or “why’s that book more important than me” type stuff. J IS ALWAYS TRYING TO WORK and doll is sometimes always tense so she’d take advantage of these opportunities to relax.doll finds it cute on how j always acts like she doesn’t like or want the affection and would hug or hold her hand randomly just to fluster her it always works.s i like to also think j is kinda protective . I DONT WANT THISTO GET TOO LONGSOS THATS IT FOR NOW WWOMA

[shokkoieru]

bitter_yu jimin

A barista is having a bad day, and Yu Jimin is having one too

warnings: kys/kms jokes, vulgarities, english isnt my first language, no beta, enemies to lovers, Karina!Idol, kakaotalk chat, not everyone is famous ;p, dont mind the time of the tweets heh, smoking, alcohol, smau, OC!Fem…

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Written Chapter

4_no espresso

previous / next / masterlist

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It’s no surprise that anyone would get frustrated with the constant jingling of the bell ringing, especially when it happens so many times in a short period of time, but Karina wasn’t willing to wait even one more minute for her order to be taken.

“… I’M COMING!” was heard from a distance.

Less than a minute passed, and Karina closed her eyes, tilting her head upwards, exhausted, frustrated, irritated, as she kept ringing the bell.

“Can you stop ringing it? I heard you.” A voice spoke to her as she felt a hand gently, but firmly, press down on hers. She opened her eyes and saw a girl in a café uniform standing in front of her. Her expression, though it appeared as a smile, seemed a bit forced due to her evident annoyance from hearing the bell ringing over and over.

Sage recognized the woman in front of her. She was a famous singer, part of that four-member group, Aespa. But regardless of her status or the fact that Sage had a few of their songs on her playlist, it didn’t matter. It wasn’t the first time Sage had seen a superstar—there were Yeji and Taehyun—and she had even seen this woman at one of her friends’ company parties in the past, where she had been invited by them. Karina was her name, if Sage remembered correctly. They had never spoken, and it wasn’t something on her to-do list. Sage didn’t live in luxury, don’t get the wrong idea, but having friends in the industry for three years had stripped her of any excitement over seeing another famous artist. Plus, seeing all the attention on them—cameras, rumors, and all that—made the idea of getting involved with more famous people even less appealing.

Karina looked into Sage’s eyes for a few seconds, perhaps a bit surprised. Normally, in cafés, baristas would stammer a little. “If you had come earlier to take care of your customers, I wouldn’t have had to ring it so many times.” She said indifferently, with a hint of irritation, as she rummaged through her purse and grabbed her phone.

Sage made faces while the other woman wasn’t looking, typing on her phone, not at all surprised by the singer’s snobbish attitude.

When Karina turned her gaze back to the front, Sage regained her composure.

“What would you like to order?” A fake smile returned to the barista’s face, now also the cashier.

This idiot here with her complaints has already taken 5 minutes of our open time, better hurry up, I don’t want to close one minute later. Sage thought as she waited for the woman’s response.

“… Hmm, let me see.” Karina twisted her torso slightly to look at the menu written on a chalkboard hanging to her left.

Can’t believe this woman doesn’t even know what she wants. Sage stared at Karina with wide, incredulous eyes. With the irritation of the whole day and minutes away from closing, the only thing on her mind was going home to watch a movie or a YouTube video, not making coffee for an annoying woman whose ego was probably through the roof and head stuck in her ass. Two minutes passed as Karina continued to think.

Impatient and annoyed, the barista frantically rang the counter bell. Karina screamed and jumped, twisting her torso again. Her face went from surprise to an unpleasant grimace, then to disbelief, shocked by the barista’s wild, rude act toward a customer, especially HER. Karina assumed (for obvious reasons) that the barista knew her and would make such an insulting move.

“What’s wrong with you?!”

Sage smiled sweetly but falsely, as she did with difficult customers. “If you hadn’t noticed, we close in—” She turned her head toward the clock hanging behind her. “3 minutes. It’ll take me a while to make whatever you’re going to order, so I’ll be leaving late, but if you don’t make up your mind within those 3 minutes, I’ll have to ask you to leave.” Sage’s voice carried a false sweetness, and her eyes reflected her impatience.

Karina just clenched her jaw. “Give me an espresso.”

“We’re out of espressos.”

“What?”

“We’re out of espressos, the machine broke.”

Frustration.

2 minutes.

“Agh, fine. Give me a vanilla latte. With lactose-free milk.”

“We don’t have lactose-free milk.”

Karina put her left hand to her temples, desperate. She’d kill Aeri for recommending this miserable, depressing, poor excuse of a café with terrible service. “You’ve got to be kidding me, how do you not have lactose-free milk?” Her tone started to reflect her evident annoyance.

“Well, we don’t. What do you want me to do? Go milk a cow and de-pasteurize it or whatever you do with lactose-free milk?” Sage crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, half challenging the woman and half not.

1 minute.

“You know what? Just give me an American coffee, whatever.”

Sage typed the order into the register and asked Karina for payment.

“I’ll bring it to you in a moment.”

Sage turned and went to prepare the order. As she did, the only thing she could think of was cursing out the frustrating customer who had walked in during the last 10 minutes before closing. She was probably exaggerating about leaving exactly on time because she still had to store a few things, lock the coffee machine, take a bus to her apartment, and so on. She wouldn’t get home that early, but it had been a stressful day, and she just wanted some peace.

After a few minutes, Sage approached the counter again and extended her hand with the order to Karina. "Here you go."

Karina took it and turned to leave immediately, taking a small sip of the coffee. She would never return to this place. All she wanted was an espresso for the energy because she was physically and mentally exhausted, but they didn't have espressos. Her day had been especially tough—vocal training for the new song they were about to release, her manager scolding her for being late to an interview, her brand new phone, just 5 days old, had been smashed because while running down a street to catch the van to the interview, it slipped from her hand and a truck ran over it. Her glasses had broken in two when she ran again toward the van after the interview and stepped on them.

And at the end of the day, back at her company, she went to the cafeteria to grab something, but it was closed for renovations. Now she had to get home to watch some movies with Minjeong, but she couldn’t sleep through the little homemade movie theater setup they were going to put together, which is why she wanted an espresso.

But now she had an Americano in her hands, and it was... bitter.

She turned before continuing her walk toward the exit. "This is bitter."

Sage, already removing her apron, glanced at the woman. "So? You didn't tell me you wanted it with sugar. Didn't you want an espresso? It's the same thing. It just has water in it, and it wasn't made with the espresso machine, but what does it matter? Do you want sugar?" Desperate to leave and not hear another word from the woman, Sage grabbed a few sugar packets from the counter and extended them toward Karina.

Reluctantly, Karina stepped forward and snatched them, exasperated. "Thanks! Such amazing service! I’ll definitely give you five stars in my review." Her steps were heavy toward the door, annoyed, and the sound of her heels echoed in the now nearly empty space. She opened the door to finally leave, but, to her bad luck, she heard Sage shout.

"We’d appreciate it if you could leave your opinion on the website soon!"

"Fucking bitch" Karina muttered as she was already outside, spitting her frustration.

"Famous assholes" Sage said, heading toward the front door to lock it.

Finally, alone.

[koiukiy-o]

hi! just wanted to pop in and day some things about the chapter. before that, about the oc situation, it made pretty angry on behalf of you. cause what?? you are not even first nor the last person using that name during fiction and not. personalities are always different as well because if someone with a different writing style writes it, it is naturally someone else (yeah, look at all those ooc fictional characters!!) not good with comfort words, but i am sure you know your and your oc worth. i love him!!

and about the chapter. in writing this as i read (maybe mistakes ahead..?) ugh. as always. perfect<3

i think anaxa is pretty underrated in the fandom. i love that there are people who chose to write him, but more than that, i LOVE how you portray him. we don't know much about him yet, but his character here seems accurate!!

and your writing style fits him and this plot. it is pleasant to read. like VERY pleasant.

i dont feel smart for this, but anything for him<3

bro im jumping irl i say smart things idm what they mean but HE TALKS WITH ME. my anxiety would be over the top BUT!!

god i love ilias..

THE WORLBUILDING<3 oh my shaylaaa. i really love this relationship you write. also. between every. single. character.

sooo many cameos hello omg u write them so good.

omg i came (hehe.) to him????? my pulse is HIGH.

"YOU TELL ME" UGH THIS MAN??? HE IS LOOKING STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES AAAAA

you are sooo cool, writing everything for a reason<3

aww you did a lil explanation:< thats soo cute of u

ok conclusion. this is art<3

o. m. g.

honestly, dont even worry abt the oc thing !? its so thumbs down emoji, but its not that big of a deal at all, out of sight out of mind? heh, thank you for your kind words <3

live commentary goes hardddd omg okay im so sat !!

— i think hes just super new and people dont know a lot about him !! thats also the only reason i write him so mysteriously D: idw get anything wrong or jump to conclusions about his character, so i just write him as a classroom aura farmer and no. 1 ilias clowner <3 but thank you so much !!

— thank you !! i dont know what my writing style is but im glad it makes sense <3

— honestly fire,, i kind of wrote them both to have an untouchable dynamic because i feel like there is no other way anaxa would take personal interest in a student (his STUDENT!!) unless theyre able to keep up with him.

— as for the words theyre both saying, i kind of wrote it to be like that on alhaitham scene (at around 1:40) in the sumeru quest, (i dont know if you play genshin impact)... though it sounded like gibberish, it's literally just newtons first law of motion 😭 "positional propensity of an entity in natural motion-" babe. relax. an object at rest stays at rest, an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by a force. that is ALL. so yeah, that scene kind of inspired me to make anaxa and reader sound like smartasses, even though theyre just talking about normal and basic concepts 😭

— cameos were definitely a part of the world building !! though there is SO MUCH MORE to be written, we're just gonna take it slow and see where it goes :D

— hehehe the explanation was definitely for the people who are also as invested in the theory yapping as anaxa and mc are !! im going to be drawing so many parallels from the assignment and push it into their lives, im glad you like it! thank you thank you thank youuu hehehe, for taking the time to type out and send this whole thing !! i really appreciate it,, :3

[pearlescentparade]

im going to rip and tear you apart if you dont give me winged staff content (/silly /lh /pos) I'LL GO CRAZY PLEASE!!!! HE IS SO SILLY ANDCOMPLEX I WAS TOTALLY EXPECTING HIM TO BE ALL UWU CUTESY BUT NOOOOOO!!!! THATS A GROWN ASS MANIPULATIVE MAN AND IM GOING INSANE. i need to know more please pp,,, please.... (also you have no need to feel like you're intruding!!! im sure i can speak for all us active anons that we love hearing what you have to say to our insanity,, please its so wonderful,, speak more even,,) (cough and apologizes for sending in so many asks today hejeehe) - 🎀

NOOOOOO WHY AM I BEING THREATENED TO MAKE CONTENT OF MY OWN OC HELPPP /lh

HEHE ,, IM HAPPY 2 HEAR U ENJOY HIS CHARACTER!!! i was worried he'd feel too generic or too much piled into one character but i dont think u guys mind that HAGASH ive put a lot of thought into him,,,,, theres sm more thoughts and symbolism ive sprinkled into his design and character that ive yet to reveal UGHHHDG I WANT TO SHOW IT OFF SO BADD,,,, okay MAYBE winged staff content will be made,,, MAYBE if i feel motivated to drawnout his dumb stupid magical form design bc this grown ass man dresses up to fight bad guys 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

and ty for the reassurance AUSGSH i tend to yap n ive been trying to tone it down bc answering asks takes me hoursss and distracts me from working but unfortunately i am just a boy . a boy who js canNOT shut up🤦‍♂️ and dw about sending in so many asks!!! send more even,,,, heh,,,, see wat i did ther

[obsessivelycapricious]

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

Helloo! Thank you for this message, I've sat on it for a few days so I could answer it properly!

I've got this idea for a reader insert/ oc insert DC fic. It's too cliché for me to ever write it tbh. It's kinda a slice of life idea where it's just daily regular life in Gotham really though it'll probably morph into a Jason Todd x yn fic because I'm a simp for him rn. I just really like the idea of a gothamite going about their daily business and having random casual encounters with DC's main characters and being unawares or whatever about it. I feel like there might have been some fanfics that have influenced the idea but honestly I've read that many they all kind of blend into one.

(coffee shop reader insert au anyone? Seriously if there's a fic like that out there hmu, PLEASE.)

So yea anyway, this idea is about an art teacher. This is our (Y/N).

She works part time in Gotham City High School and loves her job. This turns into a bit of a Damian Wayne fic for a while because she's his art teacher and every other teacher in the faculty is having a really hard time dealing with Damian, but she has no idea what they're talking about?? Because sure when it comes to interacting with his peers in class, there's been a few outbursts but he pays attention in class and his work is excellent. She doesn't get the snipping comments and the constant stream of criticism that the other teachers seem to be getting. She just shrugs it off as that she's doing her job and that he's comfortable in class.

So it's like the day before Parents evening and Damian asks if she will speak to his father when he visits his teachers, she was already planning on it, but she agrees anyways.

So when Bruce ends up in her classroom, he's already pretty fed up, he's had some less than stellar reports from his other teachers and he knows Damian is having a hard time adjusting since he came to live with him but he isn't sure what the right thing is to do. He's considering stopping Damian from being Robin but that seems to be one of the only outlets that works for him, so he is hesitant to take it away.

So Y/N meets with him and says - well actually, Mr Wayne, Damian is making excellent progress in my class. He shows a real aptitude and respect for the topics we study and his own projects, both assigned and extra credit show a real dedication to the subject. Honestly, he's a pleasure to have in class.

Bruce goes away thinking hard about it all and being Bruce, he does a background check on her and finds out she is also a qualified art therapist. Long story short, he ends up hiring her to do personal tutoring sessions at Wayne Manor. The ethics of this as a teacher is a liiiil sketchy but lets just suspend our disbelief for the sake of fiction.

Then comes a little montage of her working with Damian in the manor. There's a couple of emotional outbursts at first where Damian doesn't want to think about his feelings and would much rather be given assignments and tasks like in school, so she uses that to formulate her approach. She also sometimes paints along side him so there's less pressure. Damian is adament that no one else is allowed to see his paintings and she actually tells one of his brothers off for prying one time when they are having a break. She also sees and hears things around that manor that dont always add up but she stays professional and so long as damian is safe she minds her own business. Damian reaches some kind of personal breakthrough and Bruce can see him settling down in the house more and things seem good. He still keeps her on for lessons tho cause why ruin a good thing?

So here's where i'm thinking it could be a soulmate au. I'm a sucker for these and there isn't enough imo. I'm thinking that the identifying marks on her are something super generic and boring like "Oh, sorry." So when she overhears Jason referring to Damian as a Brat, she tells him off. He says "Oh, sorry" and walks away but he has what she said word for word on him. And he's a lil emotionally constipated resurrected dude so he does not engage.

Though he does start following her Uber home, just to make sure she gets home okay.

So after this point for me the ending gets a little fuzzy. I'm thinking highlights of it could include:

being invited to a Wayne charity gala (because I really wanna go to one of those just cause)

Bruce investing money into art therapy charities

Damian threatening Jason telling him to leave her alone. Lil jealous nugget.

Jason finally trying to flirt with her only for her to remind him that she has a professional working relationship with the family and it would be amiss of her to entertain him. ouch.

the obligatory red hood saving her from a mugging scene

her finding out that Damian is robin and Bruce is batman and Tim is, and jfc this family.

Finding out Jason's has her words

Some mushy ending where it's all gravy and you skip off into the sunset together.

-

Told you I hadn't thought it through.

But heh yeah, there you go. A WIP that isn't a WIP that I'll probably never write. If anyone wants to run with it, just be sure to tag me in it!

[kweebtrash]

Pay Attention, Dumbass

Pairing: Demon!Jaehyun x OC

Genre: Smut/ Comedy?? Maybe?

Features: demonic fingering

Summary: two idiot roommates accidentally summon two ancient demons. Forced into a contract, they only had two choices; die or make a deal with the devil. The most logical answer was to make them their boyfriends of course (this is lowkey a bad slice of life hentai, i swear). The demons know nothing about the human world and have to deal with “lessons” from their human girlfriends.

A/N: This used to be on my Kofi which im closing down and just putting everything up on here. This isnt continuing.

Masterlist  Johnny Version Here

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"You haven't moved in hours. Don't you do anything else?"

I dug into the chip bag that laid on my desk and grabbed a handful to shove into my mouth. "Of course i do," I said through the mush of chips. "I went to the bathroom."

Jae sighed. "Not what i meant. Do you ever leave your room?"

I shrugged and downed some of my soda. "Yeah. I go to work sometimes."

"Where do you even work at?"

"A bar." I went back to clicking through attacks and swerving around opponents. "Guys, come on, come on, come on!" I said into the headphone and mic set i had on. "Someone head towards the point! At least start trying to take it over!"

"A bar?" He asked, confused. "What is that?"

"Its uh..." I drifted off as i propelled myself forward and released my ultimate attack, sending my mecha exploding in different directions. I quickly reloaded myself into the machine and continued my rampage of gunshots. "Like uh... drinks. Liquor."

"Libations?"

I snorted at the stupid word. "Yeah, whatever. That."

"And that's the only time you leave?" He continued asking.

"What the fuck is this? Twenty questions?" I grabbed another handful of chips. "On the left! Move out the way!" I grumbled at my friends who were playing online with me.

"I'm just curious since you don't have the capability to rid yourself of the sin of sloth."

I glared over at him as he was reclined back on my bed, arms behind his head, and torso on full display as he refused to wear a shirt (not that i was complaining). "I do things! I just like playing video games more! Sometimes i go to school too!"

"And what proof do you have of this because i never see it."

"My never ending debt and crippling anxiety." One of my online friends asked who i was talking too and i sucked my teeth. "My boyfriend is being annoying." Queue the kissy noises and jokes of the very mature men i gamed with.

"Oh? Im annoying?" Jae grumbled. "Whats really annoying is seeing you rot away while im forced to stay by your side. Hours and hours of boredom and still im trapped in the confines of this ridiculous home with nothing to do."

I set my headset down as the round finished and turned my desk chair towards him. "Are you upset that im not paying attention to you?"

He sat up quickly and scoffed. "Please. What do i need the attention of a human for?"

"You certainly want it when you're horny." I giggled. "Heh...horny...you have horns also so it's...anyway. Are you being a baby because you want attention?"

"I am not an infant. You are infuriating. Of course i had to get stuck with you."

"Oohhh, thats how it is. Yep, definitely being a baby, now with a temper tantrum."

Jae's eyes glowered and his claws dug into my mattress. "There are so many things i want to do to you right now."

"Ooh daddy." I snorted and put my headset back on. "Sounds kinky."

"Which is it? Am i an infant or a father?! I dont understand!"

I sighed and stood up. "Do you want to try playing with me?" I gestured at the now vacant spot of my gaming chair.

Jae stared at me then the seat. "Play that ridiculous thing?"

"Yeah," i shrugged and looked down at my feet. "It's something i like to do and you're my boyfriend sooo...i guess...i mean..." I twiddled with my thumbs as my cheeks began to warm up. "It'd be cool if you tried to like some of the stuff i do."

"Is that what boyfriends do?"

"Y-yeah...sorta. Look do you want to or not?" I huffed in frustration.

He stood up and made his way over, glaring down at me with his humanized yet still terrifying eyes. "Fine. I will try it."

I couldn't help the dorky smile that beamed across my face. "Ok, cool. Sit down."

He placed himself in the seat and i sat on his lap then scooted the chair closer to the desk. I positioned his fingers on the designated keys for offense and defense as well as the computer mouse. "Here, why don't i just guide your fingers the first few rounds so you get the hang of it?"

"Whatever."

The smile started to fade as i covered his hands with mine that seemed to dwarf in comparison. "Put your stupid claws away. You cant game right with your pretty manicure."

He growled like an irritated dog and slid the claws back into his skin. With his back pressed to mine, he ended up resting his chin on my shoulder, watching as i joined a new round. His somewhat chubby cheek felt warm against mine and i willed myself not to kiss it. It wasn't like he was going to respond anyway. He was cold hearted in every sense of the word, even when he fucked it almost seemed like a chore. It still was amazing and i loved every second of it but the distant feelings was strong. Of course it wasn't a great idea to make a demon your damn boyfriend but there was rarely a time where i made a smart decision.

Deciding to suck it up and just concentrate i pressed Jae's fingers down as i helped launch attacks and maneuver us around the screen. "This is nothing but hectic destruction " he commented.

"Yep, pretty much."

"And you enjoy this?"

"Absolutely."

"I am pleased by this." I felt a slight nip at my neck as he purred into my ear. "Very pleased."

"Pleased that i like shooting people and destroying things?"

"Exactly. Its quite...sexy."

"Oh my god. You're a dork!" I snorted. "Its just a damn game, weirdo." I pressed his fingers down harder, not wanting to slow down and ruin my winning streak. "Keep up."

"Well when you're crushing my fingers its hard to do so."

"Just follow me. You dont even have to move them."

"I would like to move them but-"

"Shh, give me a sec. Bastards are on my fucking ass! God i hate when they just gang up on you for no FUCKING REASON!" I screamed at the monitor. "Such dicks. Fuckin' dicks."

"Your mouth is filthy."

"Yeah you said that when it was full of cum too."

"Hm...that was also enjoyable." Another nip to my neck, this time followed by small sucks and kisses. "Continue using your filthy mouth and destroying things. This at least is semi entertaining now."

"Glad you think so. Quit kissing my neck, its distracting."

"Distracting?! You enjoy that! You said it this morning. Specifically 'Jae'," He faked a slightly high pitched moan. "'Keep kissing my neck, oh god'."

I flushed with embarrassment and rammed my elbow into his chest. "I already have to deal with dicks online i dont need go deal with you too."

"I suppose you wouldn't want to deal with this then?"

I felt him press his hips against my ass. The grey sweatpants he had on left nothing to the imagination and i swallowed hard as my concentration wavered. "S-stop." I whimpered.

"I dont think i will." One hand left the mouse and pressed against my stomach to keep me in place. "Support that. I will control these buttons."

I pressed my lips together and simply nodded. How he had the grace to continue slight grinds against me i didn't know but i was responding to them eagerly. I arched my back and wiggled my ass every time he rolled forward, creating a sinful friction between us. My eyes drifted from the screen momentarily to see that his fingers were working perfectly over the keys as if he had played for years. "You're...actually winning."

"What? As if its hard?" He tsked. "Humans have simple minds and-WHY IS THIS MAN PUNCHING ME FROM THE SKY?"

I froze our sensual movements to cackle loudly. "That's just Doomfist. He's so OP and stupid."

"OP?"

"Overpowered, meaning there's no reason for him to even be here."

"Im going to destroy him completely until he can never return."

"They all respawn, Jae. That's how the game continues."

"Not if I can help it. I want that mongrel dead. Get that clicky thing ready. I'm aiming to destroy."

"You think I'm sexy when I want to kill things but I think you're cute, you know that?" I turned towards him to press a kiss to his cheek yet my lips connected with his when he moved.

"I am not cute....but you are...or whatever." I wondered if that tint on his cheeks was real or just my imagination.

I smiled to myself anyway, pleased with his compliment and his valiant effort to enjoy the same things I did. He was truly acting like a boyfriend-one that felt genuine even if he crawled up from hell. Just before, he was complaining about how never moved but we stayed like this for a couple more hours, even sharing snacks and competing with my online friends. There came a point in the night, though, when searching for a server with an open game slowed tremendously. Minutes ticked by and still nothing. Jae's drumming of his fingers against the wooden desk in impatience was starting to drive me crazy. "Doing that isn't going to make it go faster, you know."

"This is about as interesting as watching you play on that small screen."

"We've gone over this. Its a phone, a cell phone, a portable phone."

"Yes, yes. That stupid thing with all the colors. Its like this stupid thing." He pointed at the computer screen. "Only smaller."

"You seem to enjoy the big stupid thing judging by how many kill streaks you got."

His lips tweaked into a smirk. "That's because im an expert killer. None of them deserved to live."

"You did get my rank up and some loot boxes so i guess i should thank you."

"Yes, bask in my glory and show me how grateful you are." His hand that had remained around my waist for most of our play time started creeping its way to my thighs.

"Are you wanting me to show you how grateful i am or are you trying to show me how desperate you are?" I snickered.

"I am not desperate. Since the stupid game is not cooperating im just trying to inject some extra curricular activities."

"Such as?"

He set his head on my shoulder again and i felt his fangs dig in deeper into my neck, making me let out a drawn out whine. "J-jae!"

He chuckled from deep within his throat as i felt his tongue trail from the column of my neck up to my earlobe. "Such as...watching you squirm when i add the slightest of pressure," Two of his fingers slid between the junction of my thighs and pressed firmly against the center of my shorts. "Here."

The tips of his fingers began gliding against the fabric, the soft cotton adding the smallest amount of friction against my clit. My teeth sunk into my bottom lip as my leg began to bounce. I wanted to wait for a new game, my win streak was too precious to me but Jae was something else. Trying not to make it too obvious i adjusted myself on his lap, spreading my legs a little wider. His fingers garnered more room but he didnt move them under the fabric. Instead he kept torturing me with slow movements, occasionally pushing into the most sensitive areas. "Who's enjoying the attention now?" He teased.

Suddenly a little ping from my computer signaled that a game had finally been found. My attention quickly shifted and i put my headset back on and got into position. Jae reeled back in confusion. "Are you really going to continue to play?"

"Well...yeah. I mean it took forever to get into this game. I dont wanna lose it."

"Hey, can you be healer?" I heard my friend say into my ear piece.

"Fuck you! Im not going to be healer! You be healer, you twat waffle!"

Jae let out a heavy and annoyed sigh. I almost felt bad until i was lagging behind everyone else. I had to-

I felt his finger finally move beneath my shorts and press into my hole gently. I had to admit that he had already gotten me worked up enough to provide him with some lubrication and he slid in easily. "C-cut it out." I stammered.

"Oh no, dont mind me. Your game is more important. Keep going."

"I just mean-ah-ahh!" I tried to snap my mouth shut before my moan slipped out for fear of my friends hearing but it was too late. Jae had moved the seat of my shorts aside and pumped his finger faster, occasionally curling it an inch or two from my entrance. I covered the mic part of the headset and glared back at him. "If you dont s-stop-"

I snapped my thighs shut as he added another finger, the 'come here' motions growing stronger. Immediately, he landed a harsh tap to my outer thigh, a small growl floating in the tense air around us. "I said keep going."

"Well i would if you just-HEY! MOTHERFUCKER! I LIKED THESE SHORTS!" I looked down at the center of my shorts that had now been torn open because of his reappearing claws. "What's wrong with you?!"

Without a word he grabbed onto my ankles and set my legs up on the desk, keeping them spread. The clawed hand snaked its way to my throat and with the slightest pressure i could feel them digging in. It wasn't enough to hurt but certainly enough to make my entire body shudder with electricity. "I-i cant reach the keyboard." I whispered.

He scooted the chair closer to the desk, making my legs almost rest on it fully. "Wheres that tappy thing you have?"

"Tappy thing?"

"Where you move the sticks."

"You mean a controller?"

"You can plug it in right?" He questioned as his thrusting resumed which made my mind mush in a second.

"U-uh yeah-um its uh...d-draw-drawer!"

He let my throat go and allowed me to reach into my desk drawer and grab my gaming controller. I plugged it into my computer's usb port as my friends argued about me not pulling my weight and being static. I lied about my game lagging and shifted the mic up so i sounded muffled and they wouldn't be able to hear how much if a slut Jae made me. "There. Now you can play. Keep up that win streak. Have to get the gold and boxes, right? Have to play with your friends and ignore me, right?" He nipped at my ear as his fingers slipped out of me to rub circles against my clit. "Have to beg me to let you cum, right?

"P-please dont make me do that!"

"See? You're begging already. What a good girl you are."

My entire body tensed at those two words and i let my controller go for a moment to grab his hand and press his fingers back into me. "Keep going. I want you to keep going."

"I could but i dont have to. Maybe i can use the tappy thingy instead. More people I can kill." He jerked his fingers away and pushed them against my lips. "Clean these off for me. Dont want to get it dirty, do i?"

"Jaaaeeeee," i whined and leaned in for a kiss but he turned his head away.

"Clean. Them."

Reluctantly, i swallowed his fingers down, lapping between and tasting myself. He tested my gag reflex by moving them to the back of my throat but pulling away when it became to much. It was nothing but entertainment for him, a game of cat and mouse that made me feel doomed. "You know you love being inside me." I panted as my mouth was now freed. "I can ride-"

"Oh, how unfortunate. You died. Now we have to wait to return. You're too distracted, Ivy. A shame, truly."

I didn't care anymore. In the few seconds i had between my respawning i stood up and turned towards him, pulling his sweatpants down to stay around his knees. He had no qualms about his erection. I had felt it, of course, but it was like he paid it no mind, like it wasn't an inconvenience and he enjoyed teasing me instead. Was it another way to give me a taste of my own medicine? What a bastard! "Come here." I tried to sound as sultry as possible but he just laughed and took the controller from me.

"Lets see if i can figure this out now." Jae looked at the buttons and pressed at a few before moving the joy sticks to test them out. "Strange but i believe I can-"

It was my turn to cut him off. I lifted his head and focused on his eyes, angered by the smirk still on his lips. "Fuck me."

"Nope."

That wasn't the answer i wanted.

He craned his head to the side to look at the monitor. "Can you move? Im trying to play here."

"Shut up! You didn't even care about playing before!" I pouted as my cheeks flushed both in annoyance and embarrassment. I sat back on his lap anyway, chest to chest, and guided him inside me. Not a sound from him or even a look. He was focused on fighting now which made me want to punch him but i figured if i fucked myself on him long enough i could break his resolve. I gripped onto the back of the chair and started working up and down his length, adding kisses to his neck in between whimpers. "Jae...come on..."

"Ooh, double kill."

"I swear to god! If you dont-"

"No god, just demons."

"Yeah, you're acting like a demon. A demon asshole who wont even pay attention to his girlfriend! I cant believe you're doing this!"

He finally looked at me, dead in the eyes and it made me nervous. "It doesn't feel good, does it?"

Ok, ok. So i had learned my lesson. It was a two way street and maayybeee i wasn't being the best partner but i never figured he wanted anything from me. He never expressed a lot if affection or wonderment at what i did throughout my day. How was i supposed to know? I guess with his lack of knowledge about human things he truly had nothing to do unless i was guiding him. Fuck, now i really felt bad. What a buzzkill. "Im sorry...i understand how you feel now. I didn't think you cared. I know were just together because of the contract. I thought you still hated humans and didn't want to exist beside them."

"I do hate humans but you're my human now. Unfortunately, i have to rely on you and its maddening to be stuck here. In hell i did hundreds of things. I had a job. I had meetings with other demons. I planned wars, participated in real battles, created weapons. I was someone. Here, im nothing but a prisoner."

"Nonono! Please dont feel like that...i dont want to make you feel like that. Please..." I felt my eyes watering and i quickly buried my face in the crook of his neck. He sighed and tossed the controller on the table and shut my laptop. He kicked off the rest of his pants and with ease picked me up and led me to the bed.

"Dont ever speak of this. Not to Johnny, not to Xan. No one, understand?"

I nodded quickly as my back hit the mattress and he stayed above me. "You will do what i say just as much as im forced to do as you say. Love me unconditionally. Break me free from this world and show me why i shouldn't kill everyone in it."

I swallowed hard and nodded again. "I promise. I promise you everything."

"Good. Secondly...i would like to do battle against you in those games."

I couldn't help the giggle i let out. I didn't expect him to say something like that after being so serious. "Oh? You think you can beat me?"

"Im a strategist and a warrior. Of course i can."

"Oh, ok. You play a few rounds of Overwatch and suddenly you're the master. Just dont say anything when i kick your ass, bitch."

He chuckled deeply and snapped his hips without warning. He had still remained inside me and the sudden movement made me cry out loud. "Bring it on then. We'll see who's the better warrior here. Now," his eyes shifted into pure darkness and his fangs glistened with temptation. "Lets see how fast you can give in."

[offtopicoverload]

A,C,G,E,I for the OC asks thing x Hopefully the weird pattern I started there is obvious, and I didn’t mess up mid pattern 😂

ima be honest i have no idea what that is i’m stupid

A - Is the most attractive

oooh i dunno. like conventionally attractive, id probably say ivy? and carter, too

C - Is the most open to cuddling

prolly dahlia, maybe maya. they’re both very affectionate with everyone, but id say dahlias more bold about it lol

G - Has the greenest thumb

LILAC!! i know i haven’t written much for her, especially later on, but part of her growth heh in my mind is revolving around plants. like settling down and staying somewhere long enough that literal roots can settle down. shes not the type for kids, i dont even think animals, but plants. everywhere.

E - Is the most emotive

oooh this ones kinda tricky. i think marco, like they have no filter and wear their heart on their sleeve. but also my arcana mc, benni, has to be, but id say its in a more calculated way

I - Tends to idolize people they shouldn’t

my mind went to a twc detective im working on, but instead ill say ash. i feel like they’re the type to get caught up in flashy displays and not really think about what’s behind it yknow?

OC alphabet

[authorkimberlygrey]

OC Tag Game!

Tag Day!  Which I forgot to do last week but shhh

This one is from @nightskywriter thanks for the mention~! 

For my MC Grace, of course.

1) What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

I've always loved the name Grace (I wanted it to be my name for a little while, but it fits her so much better now in my mind lol) and her name is actually the only thing that has remained unchanged about her for all eleven years I've been working on her story.

2) Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind?

Nope, Grace's world has changed *a lot* over the years and while the current characters in her world are all made up of little pieces of the past characters, Grace is the only one to be mostly consistent for the most time.

3) How did you choose their name?

Originally, it was just because I liked it lol. Now though it has a real in world meaning.

Guardian parents choose the names of their children based on the virtues they hope they will exhibit/recieve in their lives. The whole name doesn't translate into english, but just FYI, Grace's name actually means "May Heaven Forgive her" or "May she Recieve Heaven's Grace"

Because Allegiance is a terrible, bitter, parent.

4) In developing their backstory, what elements of the world they live in played the most influential parts?

Well, obviously Grace's parents, her biological ones (Allegiance and Noble) and her adoptive father, Concord, were a big part in making her character for this version of her. The War has also been a big thing, obviously.  

5) Is there any significance behind their hair color?

Not really, Grace is Forest Clan whose skin and hair color are modled after native americans and black hair is common for them.

6) Is there any significance behind their eye color?

Yes! Grace looks a *lot* like her biological mother, Allegiance, but her eyes are just like her biological father Noble's. Which is part of why Allegiance isn't so fond of looking her daughter in the eyes.

7) Is there any significance behind their height?

heh heh she tiny.

No, but really. Grace is short partially because Forest Clan descendants tend to be short in general (Mountain Clan and Desert Clan took all the tall genes) and around the time Grace was born, the Black-Wings took the best crop-lands along the river and so there has been a massive shortage of food in the Citadel ever since. Growning kids need their food, and Grace didn't get much, so short she shall be.

8) What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

Edits, definitely. I can never find any facegrabs that *look* like Grace. I have One (1) that is like *exactly* her and I dont' know who the person is so I can't look up more of their photos.

9) How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?

Too far. Way, way, too far.

10) If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

1) Grace is a very high strung person. 2) No matter how much she *thinks* she has a plan, she does not, in fact, have one. What she has is sa vague idea for how things should probably maybe go.

11) What is something about your OC can make you laugh?

Her snark. Can't write a teenage character without snark. There isn't much of it in Ascendant, but she really lets loose in later books lol

(as much as I love it, Concord is less of a fan)

12) What is something about your OC can make you cry?

Exist.

Seriously though, Grace's story is very sad. Both pre canon and during it.

13) Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

The wings, since I have to describe what they're doing every living second someone save me.

14) What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

Just how terrible her "plans"are. I knew they were bad, but recently I've realized just *how* bad.

15) What is your favorite fact about your OC?

Currently, the origin of her name. There wasn't much deeper meaning to it before the most current version of the story (not the current *draft* but the current version. I don't count all of the other versions or I would be on something like draft 15 and I just can't do that.)

[This tag game mentions my WIP Ascendant, which is a YA Christian Fantasy Novel about Guardian angels. You can check out the WIP Page and even read the first Two Chapters

Tagged Writeblrs: 

@littledragon-fan @radiowrites @starwolf1770 

[99centthoughts]

Save me! I just lied to my friend's mum saying that she's staying at my house for the weekend but in reality she's at a different person's house! I don't know why I did it! I'm dying of anxiety right now! - your friendly neighbourhood idiot

omg ANON IM SORRY I DDIDNT LOOK THROUGH MY ASKS LAST WEEK BUT I HOPE EVERYTHING WENT OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FRIEND WHY IS SHE AT A DIFFERENT HOUSE …

MORE ASKS UNDER THE CUT

1) I THINK flow is very important, and to think of the body as a whole rather than a bunch of parts? I’ve found that it helps me a lot when drawing say AN ARM, to think about how the hand is connected to the forearm and how the forearm is connected to the arm and how that connects to the shoulder + torso, rather than just the arm itself. Always think about things in relation to other things, and that not only helps with remembering how they fit, but also with proportions! It also helps to try and think of it as a 3 dimensional form, rather than a flat picture in order to figure out how it might look in different angles. My personal approach to anatomy is basically to think about how things work i.e. OBSERVE PEOPLE/PICTURES and find common curves and bony points and then figure out what muscles/ bones form them. FOR EXAMPLE THE SHOULDER:

If you look at examples, you’ll see that there’s a muscle that forms the curve down to the arm called the deltoid, and that attaches to the collarbone AND THERE YOU HAVE YOUR LANDMARKS to start off on:

I’M NOT RLY SURE IF THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE but that’s basically how i breakdown and work around anatomy! A BOOK THAT I’VE FOUND TO BE RLY GOOD WITH THIS Is anatomy for sculptors!!! I also have a bunch of brief tutorial like things here if you are looking for something more specific in terms of anatomy? I HOPE THAT HELPS YOU OUT A BIT!!!

2) DO YOU MEAN THE MEL who drew my icon? I’m not sure if she’s still active on tumblr but she’s been around on twitter!!! IDK IF SHE WANTS TO GIVE OUT HER TWITTER THOUGH 

1) DON’T CRY ANON IM GLAD YOU LOVE THE GAY BOYS THANK YOU FOR YOUR SWEET WORDS

2) IM IN THE UTC+10:00 TIMEZONE!!! I HAVE BEEN BUSY AND TIRED BUT I AM DOING GOOD ATM!!! I hope you are doing well too!!!!!!!!! 

1) THANK YOU!!

2) OH it’s COMPLICATED but it’s essentially tyler with a lot of feelings and not wanting to confess bc he doesn’t know if Jc feels the same THEY ARE GOOD FRIENDS IN THE RP THOUGH LIKE CLIMBS INTO YOUR ROOM AT 3AM TO HANG OUT BC I CANT SLEEP KIND OF FRIENDS

3) I THINK ABOUT IT SOMETIMES HAHAHA but I’ve never really found voices that would fit them?? Fay would have a medium pitch, monotone sorta voice I think!

NO I HAVEN’T I looked it up and it looks rly good though!!! I’ll pick it up the next time I go to the bookstore! THANK YOU FOR THE RECOMMENDATION

ANON HAHAHA NO IT’S FINE I RLY DONT MIND PEOPLE SHIPPING MY OCS IN ANY WAY i actually think they are rly cute heh

1) OMFG ANON FKSMLKGJGLGJ HE IS A SAD PUPPY WHO RUNS AWAY FROM RELATIONSHIPS

2) THANK YOU ANON YOU ARE VERY KIND!!!!!!!!!

LOL ANON YEAH IT’S BEEN A WHILE HAHA THOUGH THEY’VE never technically been together!! I was stressed out about some stuff related to it, and I didn’t rly know how to handle it for a while. I guess the best way to put it is they are a ship that I’ve always thought were rly cute together + they will always be good friends that are there for each other but other things happened and I think it works out better this way?? I personally feel they fit better with these characters!

[theoneicelady]

This is some weird ass reflection I made about an oc

Id recommend you dont read it

Im just posting It cause Tumblr seems great for keeping stuff when my phone is ass

[21/7 12:27] : You know, its quite interesting

Its not the first time Im in a position like this

The first time, he wanted me to die, just because I was there.

The second time, he wanted to never let me go. And I stayed, and it was worse for everyone. It wasnt love, It was just.. guilt. And manipulation.

This time, well this time I really did die for him. There was guilt, theres manipulation..

And I think Im gonna stay, too. I guess some things never change. I guess some people never learn.

Except this time, I think it must be love

[21/7 12:36] : Thats how it works isnt it?

I cant really explain

And if so, love for what?

For humanity? A humanity thats already condemned.

For the ~friends aka the group of cheaters and liars that couldnt stop trying to fuck eachothers lives up for a second?

For..for him? The guy that couldnt stand seeing me prosper for once even if It was as a TRIBUTE TO HIM. That gathered everything bad in his life and took it out on me, who he was suposed to ~love,

[21/7 12:36] : He who took my fucking life

[21/7 12:38] : He who I still try to see sometimes

[21/7 12:38] : Why do I even do that

[21/7 12:38] : Why do I even do any of this?

[21/7 12:43] : Guardian angel? Fuck off is that what the destiny forces me to do? Didnt work too well for any of us did it

Im not a kind floating entity that can do no wrong and suffers for humanity and the mistakes of others Im not an angel I dont know what the fuck I am

Im just a generic-as-can-get girl who had the misfortune to

[21/7 12:43] : .

.

.

.

[21/7 12:43] : Im tired

[21/7 12:44] : And yet I have more energy than Ive had in years

[21/7 12:44] : Heh

[21/7 12:44] : Love they say

[21/7 12:45] : Those voices in my head

[21/7 12:45] : I guess I really cant change

[21/7 12:45] : Even if I dont know if this is who I am

[21/7 12:57] : Now this just for the record since I am writting down my thoughts

"I think,, one thousand of me is hoping that he can change

At least his mind, you know?

He seems lonely and always bored and

I wonder who I am to him. Not generally but, on the times we hang out for hours

I- that- .. Ill never tell him but I really want to believe thats not just to add to my paranoia. That would suck.

I was gonna say maybe its more than 1/1000 but no. I know. It really is just that much that has hope.

Why do I do it then

Well I think the sad truth is that deep down some of that desolate, tired part of me just..wants to be with him. And pretend nothing happened or that it wasnt a big deal.

I could say its so that wherever he is if It can reach him he can have peace of mind

But no... I think Im doing this for me. Just like how funerals are for the alive, you know?

Its as close as Ill get to being with him again. Even if its just his body. Even if its all just pretending.

[21/7 12:59] : I m not even sure if I can feel anymore

So what would it matter if all the feelings were fake?

[21/7 13:00] : Who would be there to notice

If I am not

[21/7 13:01] : . .

.

[21/7 13:05] : And then, It comes

I am suposed to keep fighting and kinda triumphantly win at the end

But that wont bring any peace to him and, I can bring mine at any moment

Would I be calm? No

But, what is peace of mind when ones dead

Just some more despair to transcend my corpse and be thrown into the void

With my luck it would reach him but well what else could I do

[21/7 13:05] : ..than bring peace to at least one of us

[21/7 13:05] : Its not like everyone else has too long left anyway

[21/7 13:07] : Maybe I should try to rest while its lonely; lest I be dragged into another eternal curse once everyone else falls

[21/7 13:09] : Then, finally, we cant ignore the rest, biggest part of the motive which is, I would guess, the burning fury against all thats happened

[21/7 13:10] : That for once, and unlike in real life, It has one and only one culprit, Who caused everything and onto whom to discharge the anger

[21/7 13:12] : Of course this is also an illusion for in that anger I try to hide the pain of who it was that caused him and what I did to elicit it

[21/7 13:15] : Which makes everything even more tragic cause as everyone would agree both that and her were not deserving of what came

Then theres also the other girl who while being an awful human being could not possibly imagine what her actions would result in for us and possibly the world

Obviously she is not at fault for all of this even if she was to blame for starting this awful spiral of pain

[21/7 13:22] : But, back on track, theres so much anguish burning inside that trying to take it out on someone that can not be hurt and looks like the lost lover is just asking for things to go wrong

Since he can not feel could it be that I am harboring the storm that is the feelings of b/o/th souls?

Cause that would be fucked up as fuck and I cant take all this torment for something that is, in all levels of reality, false

[21/7 13:27] : I am too calm at the moment to bring out the real rage iside

And since its the most usual and easy to replicate emotion I think its easy to conceive and will be leaving this here for today, hopefully not forever.

Unless a wet-with-tears rant of rage comes that needs to vent I probably wont get back to it.

I am waiting for it I just really dont want it to visit.

[21/7 13:27] : Goodbye~*

[21/7 13:29] : https://youtu.be/hRBOnA0ak4w

[21/7 13:31] : Then again maybe we're all actors in the roles we have to play and until those days come we're all just lonely and trying to live the weird ass alternative version of Life we're cursed with

[21/7 13:33]: I wont try to make Fear misunderstood and a product of his upbringing uwu for a second but his existence IS different and I see how that could cause things

[21/7 13:42] : God this is such a bizarre experience this is horrible

Like yeah Im here simpathising with my (& my bedt friends) murderer hanging out and carrying a encarnations of Life/death type relationship while I also have to fight and like trick him into dying in the distant future OH and he also likes to psychologically torture me and my friend and we're suposed to have this friendly at odds, lanzando pullitas kind of thing but god dang it this is too much holy god the only way to not go mad is not caring

AND I KNOW HIS OBJECTIVE IS TO DRIVE ME MAD OR MAKE ME QUIT

AND I KNOW in his description by the author a whole part WAS literally "hes the result of being raised without love" BUT HOLY FUCKING FUCK SHIT man WHAT THE HELL

This is worse than stockholms syndrome cause its all from hIS body and I dont fucking

Like

I just

This would never in a millions years work like this if it wasnt HIM and ME and THEM and GOD DAMN this is a weird fucking thing to attach my existence to FUCKING GOD

-

Its nice to have an hyperfixation again and It being so unique? Omg. I probably wouldnt be able to be without it (one) no its not worrying its just nice -

Justo después fue la warner

And now, like a week after this

I just saved his fucking life

Sympathise? Lmao

Of course he lied about what I was doing but, I KNEW It wouldnt be good

Did I just make him inmortal. I fucking think maybe.

But he said he needed my help ah

Also when I freak at how cute he is he goes torture my so like a child le somethin

Ay lmao what the hell