#also how am i already a semester left from graduating

[vampykween]

got some coffee and endless motivation! working on classwork then im busting out those asks! mwah

[callingmelili]

A deal.

So I am currently in a virtual class and I should probably be paying attention. I'm sure my teacher would not be impressed by me writing this when I'm supposed to be taking notes, but of course this would be the moment for the horny muse to come back. I may have a second part thought out too.

My set up is the usual, full-body mirror, one of those light rings I used to make fun of other girls from having, mat on the floor in case the gif he sends requires me to kneel. Mark's contact winks at me from the messaging app on my phone, online and writing. His messages always come between seven and ten pm, never at the same time, the bastard has been taking up this window of time every Friday for the last three months.

This time around, the message comes early.

It's only a gif, but it's the worst one so far. A girl kneeling on the floor in knee socks, hair in pigtails , tits bouncing inside a lace bralette as she bounces on a dildo stuck to the floor. A text comes in right after. 'You have 20 minutes, Mia.'

I sigh and head for my dresser, this is the first time one of Mark's gifs goes that far. But do i have another choice? I don't. He is not my boyfriend, he is not a man I can say not to, even if he didn't have a bunch of humiliating videos of me --if he made them public, he'd be shooting himself in the foot anyways, I have proof that he's the only person I've sent them to-- he has something worse… for now.

He and I have a deal. No, really. We do.

Honestly, when he first caught me cheating on a test, I thought I was done for. He was my advisor at the moment, able to report me without breaking a sweat. I never have been a particularly good student and I would have been done for.

I didn't make it this far into graduate school without being decently stubborn, though and I grasped at the one straw still within my reach. I would laugh at how cliche it is if it wasn't my life right now.

Obviously I told him to ask anything of me. I had seen how he looked at me during our one-on-one thesis, I was fully expecting to be asked to get on my knees and blow him, I was also more than prepared to do it if it spared me expulsion.

What he asked for was… a step further.

But I really had no other choice. It was either do this until the end of the semester or face being exposed and expulsed.  So far he has only asked me to emulate the gifs, nitpicking only rarely. I had to do a couple repeat performances  of the fourth gift he sent me of a blonde girl deepthroating a dildo. He kept saying it was not 'far enough' and my face was not 'red enough', pouting, I scroll up to glare at the finished product of that particular exchange. My eyes are watering and my cheeks are flaming red. Brown hair frames my face as I furiously work the dildo in and out of my mouth. It takes me a while to look away.

"I better get this over with," I say to no one in particular before turning up the light and leaving the camera on standby.

Sighing, I get my hair into the pigtails first before getting the dildo with the suction cup out from it's usual place in a box under my underwear. I have no bralette's that look just like the girl's so I end up wearing the top of a swimsuit instead. The socks I do have a pair of similar ones, only in baby blue rather than pink. Mark usually doesn’t mind small changes due to unavailability of certain items in my apartment, and anyways it shows about the same amount of skin.

"And now as for the pose…" The mat has to go so the dildo can stick to the floor and I can feel the skin of my knees protest as soon as I lower myself over it. The silicone meets slick, oversensitive flesh and I am torn between feeling shame or being relieved that I don't have to warm myself up for it.  My thighs are already shaking, skin prickling at the cold of the floor and how a hear seems to have settled deep within my pelvis.

As if on cue, my phone buzzes with a message, then another and another.

'5 minutes left, Mia.'

'Tic, toc.'

Drawing in a shaky breath I reach forward and turn the camera on. It's set up to stream only to him. Sometimes he will return the favor, I found it gross at first but it's even stranger to do all these things while only hearing his voice coming from my computer speakers. "You could be trying more with the top." He laughs, speak of the devil. Tonight he wants to keep his face hidden it seems, it doesn’t show up in the computer screen.

"Just why would you think I would have that sort of underwear?" I hiss.

I can imagine him shrugging. "You're the type that's usually prepared? Anyhow, I don't like it, just take it off."

"But--"

"Take it off, you're bare-cunted already. What's the damage with me seeing your nipples?"

My thighs shake. "Fine." The bra is the tie-up kind, two swift pulls and it's falling off my tits, leaving my nipples to stand in response to the cold air in the room. "Damn, you could do a better job pretending you don't like this. I can see how wet your cunt is from here."

I roll my eyes at the camera. "I like to be prepared, as you said." I lick my lips, glancing at the mirror. "Lets just get this over with."

"Aye," he laughs, "Well, first off, sit down baby. Aren't your knees getting tired?"

Of course, he means sit down on the dildo I am hovering over. I do so, slowly. Wet as I am, the intrusion stretches me beyond what I'm prepared for, making the descent a little shaky and making me moan. "That's a nice face," mark comments.

"Fuck-- Fuck you." I say, glaring at the camera.

"Of course you wish it was me baby." I can imagine him grinning. "Alas, you're gonna have to do the work there. I believe the girl on the gif has her legs spread out wider."  I shiver, but do as told. I can feel the tip of the dildo pressing up into my cervix.  "No, wider." I whine. "Wait, no, that's too wide, go back."

The inside of my thighs is wet already, moving on the dildo proves easier than it should. "Good?" I ask, between forced breaths.

"Hmm, good. But stick your ass out more." I do, and the tip of the dildo brushes something that makes me lose my balance and cry out. "Ha! Well, that isn't quite it but do stay there." He laughs, again. "Now, start bouncing."

If I could I'd sag with relief, but all I can do is bounce and hope he's satisfied soon.

Five minutes later I can't believe how wrong I was. "Nope, stop!" He calls, like he's directing a porno and I guess he is. I can't help the protesting jerk of my hips when he does. "Get off on this later, will you?" He huffs. "Cross your eyes more, Mia, and stay still for a second." Time stretches, silent for far more than a second. "Ok, now."

It's the second time he does it, and there are a third and a fourth. I'm not dripping on only the dildo now, but also the floor. He doesn't care, I'm sure enough now that he's somehow learned to see when I'm close and he always stops me at that point before pleasure becomes pure heat. "Isn't that enough?" I pant after the latest interruption.

"No, again. Push your chest out, show the girls off, will you?" His voice is lower now than it ever is in class and I'm so tired by now, knees aching and core throbbing that I just mindlessly obey, eyes crossing, hips slamming down  once, twice, three times. This time he doesn’t stop talking, but none of his words urge me to stop or slow down this time. Rather, Mike encourages me. I can't say he compliments me but it's all the same to my foggy mind. "That's it Mia. That's it little whore. The tongue is a nice detail but you're going to have to repeat this performance just for that." He laughs. "No, don't stop on my account, you're too far gone. I thought you weren't getting off on this? My little, pathetic Mia, don't think I haven't noticed just how you get all the other times." It's only his voice filling the room, only his voice and the sound of my ass slapping into the floor, losing rhythm as I come closer and closer, slumping forward and losing form. I know he'll make me repeat it now, I don't care, I just want to cum. "That's right, that's all you want isn't it? Not even to be free from our little deal, you'd sell yourself out for an orgasm, wouldn't you? Well go ahead."

I just want to cum, and I do.

Afterwards, I'm slumped forward, dildo still halfway inside me as I catch my breath. That's when I hear the tell-tale sound of the lock on the front door, and then a familiar voice, coming from both the living room and my computer. "By the way Mia I forgot to tell you I'd be dropping by to drop some material for your thesis off." Mark laughs, it echoes off the walls. "I also wanted to talk about a couple of things. Stay right where you are and maybe I'll be nice and give you a passing grade on this little recreation of ours, even though you didn't get it quite right."

[cameronspecial]

Loving the Zach stuff so far!!!

Could you maybe do something where yn hates his guts, but he is like in love with her and all her sass?? Then they're forced to go on some school trip together or something, and she realizes she likes him and a cute angry love confession, perhaps???

Danke 🫶🏼💐

Thank You, History Class

Pairing: Zach MacLaren x Reader

Warnings: N/A

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 1.2K

Masterlist

Y/N and Zach have been running in the same friend group since Freshman year, but it doesn’t mean they necessarily get along. Well, it doesn’t mean that she likes him. His sarcasm and puppy dog vibe annoys her cool and distant personality. He’s always asking her how her day is going and trying to make her laugh with his stupid jokes. Zach, on the other hand, fell for her grumpy soul the moment he set eyes on her. Unlike most people, who don’t bother looking deeper into her personality, Zach could see the soft side that she held within and never let anyone see. He would always catch how she would stand up from her bus seat when she saw an elderly person. She wouldn’t let people around her know it was the reason, but she always did. He saw the little bowl of milk she left outside her house for a cat mother and her kittens. Finally, he saw how sweet she was to children whenever they were around her. 

Zach didn’t want to take a history class and he certainly didn’t feel like going on a field trip to a museum. It all felt very high school to him. The only upside about it: Y/N is also taking the same class. When he saw that he needed a history credit to graduate, he definitely didn’t go looking for what classes she was taking this semester to try and be in the same one. The cost was giving Jason access to his bathroom whenever he wanted, but it was worth it. He knows the field trip isn’t mandatory for any marks, yet he knows Y/N is going to be there. As he heads toward the Victorian house, he finds Y/N out front waiting for the professor to show up. Her clothing consists of black and brown colours as usual. Her hair was held back by a shiny black claw clip. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” he grins, coming to stand beside her. She gives him a side eye, “Could you be more cliche? Try something more original, would ya? I still can’t believe you are taking this class.” He doesn’t let her sour mood dampen his energy. “Come on, you know you like having me with you in this class. The only other people in this class are girls who have a romanticized view of the era, or guys, who have a history stick so far up their ass that they think a history degree will take them far in life,” he notes, turning to look at her. She looks him dead in the eyes, “I’m a history major. And I am neither of those things.” “I know, that’s because you are so much better than them. You are far too smart for them,” he flatters. She shakes her head, turning her attention to the professor who has just arrived, “Flattery won’t get you anywhere.” The professor leads them into the museum and begins his lecture. After ten minutes of listening to the man speak, both Y/N and Zach realized that coming was a big waste of time. He doesn’t know what he is talking about and Zach can hear Y/N constantly correcting the older man under her breath. 

He leans toward her, making sure his lips are close to her ear. “Wanna go on our own little tour? This man is getting half of this stuff wrong.” She thinks she has lost her mind because this must be the first thing Zach has said that she thought was a good idea. “That actually sounds kind of fun. They have a Victorian fashion exhibit I want to see, but I don’t think Professor Robo over there is going to take us to,” she whispers back. Her hand finds his and she hates to admit she likes the warmth of his in hers. They round the stairs to the exhibit. She looks delighted when she spots the first mannequin with clothes. Her feet find their way beside a girl about six years old, already looking at the dress. The child’s eyes find Y/N’s face and they smile at each other. “You know, this is an 1843 Evening dress. The bodice, the thing around the chest, is low off the shoulders. And they have lots of other skirts underneath to make it poofy,” Y/N softly explains to the little girl. 

They spent around thirty minutes in the small room. Y/N walks around with Willow and Zach, explaining each outfit to them. She is surprised that Zach seemed honestly engaged with what she was saying and would ask thoughtful questions. Eventually, Willow’s mother, an employee, came looking for her and took the girl to lunch. “Do you want to head to lunch?” she asks. He shakes his head, “Actually, I was hoping we could look at the Victorian sports exhibit. I brought some snacks, so if you are hungry, we can share.” He pulls out a bag of cucumbers shaped like hearts. She has to giggle at the sight because big jock Zach MacLaren likes to have his vegetable cut into shapes. 

“What?” he questions in fake offence, holding out the Ziploc to her. She shakes her head with a chuckle, “Nothing, just surprised your cucumbers look like an inaccurate depiction of a human organ.” “They make them taste better. Try,” he says with a shrug. He hands her a slice and listens to the sweet crunch of her biting into the vegetable. “Okay… I must admit it is more fun to eat it like a heart. I can pretend I’m a witch eating people’s hearts,” she agrees. He doesn’t look disturbed by her macabre comments, instead, he pretends to be ripping out his heart as he hands her another slice. She enjoys him playing with her deadly thoughts.

They spent about an hour looking at the different displays, eating his snacks and taking turns reading the display’s blurbs to each other. As they stand on the steps of the museum, Y/N towers over him from the step above. He looks up at her like she hangs the stars in the sky. “I hate to admit that you made this day pretty fun,” she confides. Her hands find their way behind her back, biting her lip as she looks into his eyes. His mouth turns into a crescent moon, “I’m really glad I did. I like spending time with you.” She takes a moment to think and moves her head away in frustration. Not at him, but at the turmoil inside her mind. Why is his charming smile suddenly getting to her? Why does she want to step into his warmth and let his arms bring her in? “Ugh, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I’m falling for you, MacLaren. So… would you want to go to dinner? Like on a date,” she confesses with a hint of annoyance in her tone that is just normally there. She is disgusted by the excitement that crosses his face. He gets off the steps, running around the green grass in front of the building. He jumps every so often with a little whoop let out as he does so. 

He rushes back to her, grabbing her around her waist and spinning her around. She finds the sound of her giggles odd but enjoys it nonetheless. “Way to keep a poker face,” she sasses, looking down at him. He doesn’t care though all he wants is a chance to be with her.

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

Dude, I feel you on school. I graduated last semester and definitely don't miss those assignments at all.

I thought your dialogue writing was great. I wonder why Mother was so cagey?👀 And Ludovica was so adorable. I would fold so bad for her 😭

To keep the ask train rolling, what would an ideal first date be for Vica and Valeria?

Man I got at least 2 years left, I hate it. 😭

And I am glad your enjoying my dialouge, it's probably just me hating on my own writing but I feel like all characters sound the same. I want them to read differently like how other characters from the same book are in the other books I read. That's why I want to practice more.

Also, Mother is the queen of dodging any personal questions as if they were the ✨plague✨.

-

Ludovica:

"An ideal date?" She smiles and looks at you with slightly amused eyes."Heh, my love; spending time with you anywhere is already absolutely perfect to me."

She places a hand over her heart, "I don't ask for much, if there was something you wanted to do then count me in."

She chuckles slightly before quickly adding, "Although, if is something outside then let's please do it in moderation."

-

Valeria:

She pops her head up and let's out a large grin, before she looks up to start thinking. "Ooh! Let me think. Well, us making pastries is sort of just an extension of us just doing unpaid work for the bakery together; so that's a hard pass."

"Hm, I mean; I have always wanted to go rock climbing! I know that's not typically something that most guys around here would think is something safe for girls to do. But have you seen my arms?"

She giggles as she rolls up her sleeve and flexes the muscles on her arms, "Rolling dough day-in and day-out has left me well off enough, I would think!"

-

Thank you for the ask's! 💙

[polkadotsocks1993]

What Good Neighbors Do, Pt. 3.

Finals week for you means a celebration with your friends. However, once trouble occurs, the line of friendship with Osferth becomes blurred.

Warnings: violence, attempted assault, light smut

Notes: this story is brought to you by too much homemade wine and a winter storm 💀

thank you so much for your response to the first two, if you haven't read them, they're on my page!

Also, I write about the experiences of graduate school because I have experienced graduate school. I am trying to write Osferth and the Gang as OC as I can within modern parameters. Thank you guys for being understanding and supportive, I haven't written fic since 2016 so you guys are amazing.

It was the end of your first semester abroad.

Truthfully, it had been a rough school year for you. You had papers to grade as a teaching assistant, on top of final papers and your own work you needed to turn in. You'd elected to take a full load, thinking it would be no different than your undergraduate work. How wrong you had been.

The last two weeks had been nothing but grading, studying, more grading, and occasionally, sleep. Osferth had come over several times to find you slumped over a pile of term papers about Medieval England, none of which you'd graded yet. You were exhausted, to put it lightly, and you'd barely managed to look out for yourself.

"When does your term end?" Osferth asked, practically shoving a cup of coffee your way.

"In two days." You said, trying to remember what finals you had left. You only had three classes, but the history department had been understaffed and so you'd wound up teaching three classes. To say you were overwhelmed was an understatement.

"Then we're going out this weekend, after you get some sleep." Osferth said, "You need to have some fun."

"I won't say no." You replied, eyes already droopy from fatigue.

"Good. Finan already organized your first proper pub crawl." Osferth said, "I hope you're ready."

"No, I hope you're ready." You laughed, "I'm not a heavy drinker, so you'd better be prepared."

Osferth laughed tussling your hair like he always did before leaning down to whisper in your ear. "I'm looking forward to it, love."

As the term had progressed, you and Osferth's relationship had gotten even more tricky. You'd gone as his plus one to his half brother Edward's wedding; you'd met his sister and niece (who were actually nice and adored him), but also met his awful stepmother and after one too many shots of whiskey (thank goodness for open bars), you'd told her exactly what you'd thought. Then, you'd promptly gotten sick in the parking lot on the way to Osferth's car. You'd spent the rest of the night profusely apologizing in the chip shop Osferth had taken you to, only for Osferth to shrug and tell you, "I dunno, no one has ever stood up to Aelswith on my behalf, I might like to see it again."

The next two days were a blur for you; you had to be present for two finals (since you were the instructor) and you had to take two finals. You'd extended every last ounce of energy you had into trying to get decent grades, and barely made it on to the bus home. After tossing your keys on the table and taking a drink of water, you heard a knock on your door. Rubbing your eyes, you opened the door to see Osferth, holding a small bouquet of flowers and waving innocently.

"Your first semester done! How does it feel?" He asked. You blinked hard, trying to ignore the pounding in your head. You kicked off your shoes and took off your jacket.

"I'm tired. Get in here. I can't be held responsible for anything I do in the next few hours." You said, trying to get comfortable.

Osferth looked at you, raising an eyebrow, while you took off your socks and hoodie, tossing them on the sofa. Osferth made his way to your kitchen for a jar to put the flowers in.

"By the way," You said, theatrically rolling your wrist, "the flowers are appreciated. Thank you."

No matter how comfortable Osferth was with you, he was still painfully shy at times. He was confident, when he needed to be, but you could tell that his confidence faltered when dealing with you.

You took a step closer to him, observing his features. He was still in his paramedic uniform. For the last month, he had worked nights, and you could tell he hadn't slept yet, either.

"You haven't gone to bed yet, Osferth." You observed.

"I wanted to wait till you were home." He replied.

You squinted; you knew he was likely just as tired as you, and that he often put others' comfort before his own. You yanked him by the wrist, and drug him to your room.

"Where are we going?" Osferth asked.

"You're going to sleep with me." You answered.

"In your room?"

"Yes. In my room." You said, turning on the light and pulling back your covers.

"Um, I can just go back to my place, it's no bother." Osferth said.

"Absolutely not. You waited till I got home, you should have been asleep two hours ago." You scolded.

"I know, but I really wanted you to have something to look forward to today." Osferth explained. You hated his expression; he looked like a sad puppy and it was as endearing as it was frustrating.

"I am looking forward to something. I'm looking forward to a nice, long nap. And you're going to get one, too." You said. Osferth shifted around nervously, but didn't put up too much of an argument, his eyes giving away his exhaustion.

You took off your jeans and folded them on the end of your bed. Osferth's eyes widened, but he did the same. He had already changed his shirt before coming over, so he left everything on the floor next to your jeans. You snuggled in, under the covers, patting your hand on the mattress for him to join you. He climbed in and you scooted close to him, laying your head on his shoulder.

"Goodnight, Osferth." You whispered.

"Goodnight, Y/N." He replied.

Within minutes, both of you were asleep, and slept for hours. Neither one of you even moved much, until you finally awoke much later in the afternoon. Osferth didn't have to be at work that night, so the two of you enjoyed a little bit of freedom and swapped stories while you ate takeaway, the show Parks and Recreation coming from the TV.

"Wait, so Uhtred was the first person you had to do a field IV on?" You asked, trying hard not to spill your wine.

Osferth laughed, taking another bite of food. "Yes. He was so sick, I could barely find a vein, and here I am, some kid they'd thrown in there, and I had no idea what I was doing. Somehow managed to get the needle in, but that doesn't mean it was easy."

"I still can't believe Finan tries to ask you for IVs whenever he drinks too much." You said.

"Finan will ask for one this weekend. Sihtric will, too. Uhtred might, but honestly he handles alcohol better than all of us." Osferth replied.

"So, what's so special about this pub crawl Finan planned?" You asked.

"Finan plans pub crawls the way a bride plans a wedding." Osferth answered, "They're spectacular, honestly."

"I'm blaming you for the hangover I'll incur, then." You said, scooting closer ever so slightly.

Osferth's breath hitched, his smile faltering ever so slightly, before he leaned in close. Your spine straightened as you felt Osferth's lips near your ear.

"I quite like seeing you drunk."

You blinked, turning to him in surprise. "And why is that?" You asked.

"Because you're fiery, and I happen to like that in you." Osferth whispered. Your hair stood on your neck, and you leaned forward slightly, getting close enough to feel his body heat. You ran a hand up his thigh, feeling his gaze burn as your eyes met his.

"Well, then, I guess Friday is going to be fun."

Osferth grinned, pushing your hair behind your ear. "I look forward to it."

--------

That night, after he left, you laid on your bed, venting to your dog, Brownie, out of frustration.

"He didn't even kiss me, Brownie!" You huffed.

"Does he like me? Really? I am so confused."

Brownie just blinked; you wished you could talk to someone, since Osferth was the most confusing man you knew. He flirted with you, he did nice things for you, but he didn't seem to care to do anything more than that.

You grumbled. Your feelings were only getting more confusing, and you knew that it was bound to get worse. He was your best friend, but you wanted more. The question was: did he?

--------

As it turned out, Osferth's description of Finan's pub crawl plans was, in fact, pretty spot on. What the the boys were not prepared for, however, was how well you could keep up with them, despite never having done a pub crawl before.

"In honor of passing my finals, here is a round of shots, on me."

You handed the four men a shot of whiskey, and threw it back, the burn hitting your throat and you cheered.

"Look at you go!" Uhtred said, "You can keep up after all."

"Sometimes I can." You laughed. Finan had organized an "American Pub Crawl", in which the rules were that the only drinks that could be ordered were American. So far, you were on your third bar of the evening, and you'd taken the opportunity to buy a round of Jack Daniel's for everyone.

"Hey, Y/N, that man in the corner has been eyeing you all evening." Sihtric said, "He was at the last pub, too."

You'd noticed the man too, and you didn't necessarily like the idea. His eyes had been locked on you all evening, and it had made you stay close to Osferth.

"I hope he doesn't think he can follow me all night." You muttered, taking a sip of the beer you'd ordered.

"I've picked him up before, on shift. He likes to throw punches after one too many." Osferth said, taking a sip of his own beer. His arm had found a place around your shoulder and you gladly accepted it. You didn't like the way that man looked at you.

"Maybe he'll take the hint." You replied.

"If he doesn't, I'm sure we can persuade him." Uhtred said, "If he likes to fight, we can do that too."

"Wouldn't be a proper pub crawl without it!" Finan exclaimed.

Finishing your drinks, you went to the next pub, this time ordering whiskey and bringing out pickle juice to take pickle back shots.

Unfortunately, the man had followed and he was eyeing you still.

You tried to shake the uncomfortable feeling in your gut; you didn't want this man to ruin your night with your friends. Besides, you were resting your head on Osferth's shoulder, and he was flirting with you, and you didn't want to ruin that.

By the next bar, however, you'd shoved the nervous feeling down as you all drank Old Fashioneds, feeling a bit woozy as you stood up.

You placed a hand on Osferth's shoulder and leaned down. "I'm gonna go to the restroom. Watch my purse until I get back?"

"Sure, we'll be right here." Osferth said, giving you a smile. You walked back to the restroom and went in, trying to get out before anyone else noticed you were gone. You fixed you hair and adjusted your skirt, and walked out the door, only to bump into someone.

Your stomach dropped; it was the man who had been following you.

"I've been waiting to get you alone all night." He said. You could smell the liquor on him, he was incredibly drunk.

"Well, I'm going back to my friends." You said curtly, walking back toward the direction of your table. The man stopped you, and walked you backwards, your back hitting the wall.

"Where ya from, miss? I like that accent of yours." He said caging you in.

You looked around, suddenly feeling completely sober as the man entered your bubble.

"A place where we don't take kindly to unwanted attention." You replied.

The man growled, getting closer.

"Leave me alone, please." You pleaded.

"I don't think I'm going to do that. I've been watching you for hours now." The man replied. He stuck a hand on your torso, and began trying to move it up your shirt.

"Get OFF of me!" You yelled. You slapped the man in the face, and he in turn slapped you back so hard your head hit the wall, and you saw stars. You tasted blood on your lip, and it only made rage bubble in your chest.

"Get the HELL AWAY FROM ME!" You screamed. The man lurched forward, grabbing you by the hair, and slammed your head back into the wall, pressing his body to yours. You kicked and began screaming, until you heard someone yelling from behind the man.

"GET OFF!" Screamed Osferth, grabbing the man by the shoulders and throwing him into the floor. The man stood up, taking a swing, and connecting with Osferth's face. That's when Sihtric and Uhtred grabbed the man, while Finan got Osferth to his feet.

The look on Osferth's face was one you'd only seen a handful of times before, from other people. He was seething.

Osferth swung again, knocking the man to the floor, and he began swinging. Blood was pouring from his nose, but he seemed completely oblivious to the pain.

"YOU. DO. NOT. TOUCH. HER." Every word was punctuated with a punch, until Uhtred finally pulled him off.

"Osferth, your nose is broken." Uhtred said. Osferth was still in a trance, and you were shaking and crying. Finan had moved over to check on you, tears spilling from your eyes as he grabbed your face.

"Hey, hey, look at me, Y/N. Look at me." He whispered. "You're okay now. Osferth took care of him, he isn't getting back up for a while."

Osferth stopped wriggling in Uhtred's grasp and turned to you, assessing the damage like he would any accident at work.

"What did he do? Where did he touch you?" He asked.

You were sobbing. Coughing and choking while the other three men stood behind Osferth, blocking anyone else from coming near.

"He--I was coming out and he pushed me back." You cried, "he tried to stick his hand under my shirt and I told him to leave me alone. Then he hit me and he slammed my head into the wall."

This time, Sihtric walked over and kicked the man in the stomach. Osferth took a pen light from his pocket and looked at your eyes.

"You have a concussion." He said, "But not a bad one."

"Osferth, your nose." You said.

"I don't care. This isn't the worst I've had. Come here." He said, pulling you into his chest. You sobbed into him, your whole body shaking.

"Osferth, you get her out of here. We'll deal with him. You two need to go to A & E and get checked out. Especially you." Finan said.

"He'll learn his lesson. We promise you that." Uhtred said, "Take her home. We'll go check on you later."

Osferth took your hand and guided you out near the main entrance, taking your purse from behind the bar. Your hands shook ferociously, your lip was already swollen. Outside of the bar, you waited for a cab, but you couldn't keep your knees from knocking together.

"I'm so, so sorry, Y/N. That shouldn't have happened." Osferth said, rubbing your back. You had to sit down; your vision was starting to go black and you felt like the walls were closing in.

"I want to go home." You cried.

"We're going home, love." Osferth replied.

"No, Osferth," Your voice was breaking now, "I want my mom."

Osferth picked you up, pulling you close to him and holding you as tightly as he could. "I'll call your mum, Y/N. It's going to be okay. Take a deep breath, he can't hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you."

As the cab pulled up, Osferth put you gently inside. The cab driver obviously had questions, but all Osferth did was give him your address. You were thankful; you didn't want to go to A & E, you just wanted to go home.

------------

You had a first aid kit in your bathroom, it was the one thing you'd always done since you grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere. You sat Osferth down on the edge of the bathtub and began to clean him up, taking off his shirt and wiping the blood off of his chest, his neck, and his face.

"You said that wasn't the worst you had, huh?" You asked. He chuckled lightly, pointing to a spot just below his ribs.

"Almost died from this one." He said, "took a knife to the lung. If I hadn't already been in a medic tent, I would have died."

"When was that?" You asked, tracing your fingers along the scar.

"My last deployment. I was assessing a civilian they brought in, and he stabbed me." Osferth said, "I got out after that."

"And what about this one, here?" You asked, pointing to the scar on his shoulder.

"This was another bar fight, believe it or not." Osferth laughed. His eyes were already bruising and a little swollen, so you'd brought a pack of frozen vegetables to put on his face.

"He should have never touched you." Osferth said.

"I'm just glad you were there." You replied.

Osferth put his hands on your hips, placing his forehead in your stomach. You felt your heart thump so loudly that you were afraid it'd burst.

"I'll always be there." Osferth said. You felt his fingers tighten around your hip bones and you couldn't take it any more.

"Osferth." You said, he looked up at you.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I--I don't want to be your friend." You replied. His entire face fell, and you stumbled to correct yourself.

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant was, I can't just be your friend." You said, "I thought I could, but I think I've loved you since the day you unlocked my door, and seeing you like this, I can't... I can't just be your friend--"

You were cut off by Osferth's lips hitting yours. His hands tangled in your hair, his touch soft but wanting. You put your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, a moan escaping as he moved to kiss your neck.

"I can't do this anymore either." Osferth said, "I thought I could. I thought I could just be your friend, but I can't. I love you. I've loved you for a long time."

You took his face in your hands, placing a gentle kiss, then moved to loop your fingers in his jeans and pull him out of the bedroom. His hands roamed your back, your neck, your hips, taking care not to do anything too suddenly or without permission. You pulled him to your room, kicking off your shoes and taking off your tights, pulling him on to the bed with you.

He climbed in, laying next to you, cradling your head in his hand, his other hand trailing your waist. You sighed, smiling, and ran your fingers through his hair.

"Stay the night." You said. It was a plea, a wish.

"I'll do whatever you ask." He whispered.

He took off his jeans, and your eyes grew wide.

"I'm not expecting anything, they've just got blood on them." He said. You nodded, and then a rush of thoughts came flooding to your mind.

"Osferth?" You asked.

"Yes, love?" He said.

"I've... I've never done this before." You admitted. He furrowed his brows.

"Done what?" He asked.

"What we're doing. Or what we're about to do. I don't know how to explain it." You huffed. He stopped, understanding what you were trying to say, and then nodded.

"You know that's not what I'm after, right?" Osferth asked.

You kissed him, moaning as he moved a hand up your side.

"I know, but I need you to know. I spilled my guts, I needed to tell you in case you wanted an out." You said.

"No." Osferth said, taking your hand in his. Yours was comically small compared to his, and he kissed your forehead.

"I don't want an out. I've been thinking about you since you knocked on my door. I knew I loved you for sure at Edward's wedding. I love how your face lights up when you talk about what you're passionate about. I love how kind you are. I hated history, but when you tell it, I could listen for hours. I don't want a quick lay. If I wanted that I could go into town and get it. I want you, Y/N. Only you."

Your breath hitched, and you looked at Osferth. You were nervous, and you didn't exactly know the right words to say.

"What does this make us?" You asked.

"Whatever you want us to be, but I know I'd like for us to be together." Osferth answered.

You smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "I want that, too."

Osferth laughed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. He laid his head back down on the pillow, sighing.

"I'm actually glad you said something, because my nose does hurt a bit now." He admitted. You couldn't help but laugh as you pressed kisses to his temple.

"Then maybe we should sleep? After you've taken something for the pain." You suggested.

"That actually sounds nice." Osferth said, "We have plenty of time. I intend on sticking around, if that's alright with you."

"I'd like that, very much." You said.

That night you fell asleep with your head on his chest, his arm around you. Though both of you wound up with bruises for days, neither of you would have changed the events of that evening. And though your relationship had now evolved into something more, you were elated and excited.

With Osferth, you looked forward to many things. And you couldn't wait to explore.

-----------------

I will obviously be writing more parts, I'm obsessed with this story and I cannot put it down.

Also, the reason there wasn't full on smut is because I have NEVER written it before, so please bare with me as the next chapter will probably be lots of filth 🤣 thank you all for the feedback!

[dangerously-human]

Still fighting for my life with tuition benefit stuff, in case anyone was wondering. I would like to submit my request for this semester, but we're still duking it out over last semester because of a problem from over a year ago and I don't want to swing at two hornet nests at once, so. Took every single dollar out of my savings account to pay tuition for this semester and am just praying I can get reimbursed before another rent check needs to go out (and Lord willing, my car won't need massive repairs at inspection this year). I'm doing an actual research study for my mixed methods class this semester, and the professor keeps saying she's fine with giving us an incomplete so we have another year to wrap it up in order to actually get something meaningful out of it. I finally talked to her last night to explain that I cannot afford to take another incomplete and ask how I could do a legitimate study on such a condensed timeline. Thankfully she was understanding and came up with an idea I think will work, since it involves basically just doing the quantitative portion under an existing protocol at work and a qualitative portion that doesn't count as human subjects research, so I don't have to deal with an IRB pissing contest between institutions, nor the debatable ethics of collecting data without compensating people for their time, given that it's unfunded research (and I really can't afford to pay people out of pocket when I'm already paying through the nose to be in this class in the first place). I'm still reworking my research plan, but I do feel a lot better about this in comparison to my plan as of last week, which would have required either submitting to both IRBs (and my work IRB is notorious for having different standards than most, and they/the data lawyers that often end up getting involved move slowly in this kind of situation) or submitting twice to my university IRB, once per phase.

Anyway, dealing with all of this today had me looking at what I really have left to do before I graduate. I'm halfway through the program now, though it feels like I've done way more. After I'm done with this class, which meets my advanced methods requirement (although round 2 of statistics probably did too), I have to eventually go back and take the foundations of the program course that was a scheduling conflict my first semester and somehow hasn't been offered since; another research apprenticeship (I'll probably write another manuscript, ideally one that's already been in progress for a bit at work - if I can get a loan, maybe I can do that this summer with my brief report I'm first authoring); plus two electives, which I was hoping to concentrate on measure design but would also happily do more advanced statistics courses if I'm allowed to take them through the school of psychology (I've tapped out the school of ed on that score). I guess I should ask if I'm allowed to say my job counts as an internship, which from the course catalog it looks like it should, but idk. Theoretically that puts me graduating... fall '25? Maybe? I could go so much faster if it weren't for the financial aspect. I do have to meet with an advisor at some point, but I still don't have one at the moment (again), which really seems like a problem for future me to figure out. But future me before May, because I think I'm still recorded as supposed to graduate this semester, even though it's been clear from the beginning that I was not a full-time student. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

They really do make this grad school thing as complicated as possible, don't they?

[softsky-daily]

9/19/2024

The contrast with the clouds here.... effervescent.

Positive thing: My leftovers were really good.

Ugh. Today was just brain damage most of the way through. For reasons I've vented about plenty of times already, volunteering for Japanese class under this particular professor was frustrating as hell, and I left feeling genuinely angry. I care a lot about the quality of learning people receive in general, because literally they're paying for it, and also with Japanese it's so difficult to unlearn bad habits after the fact. But watching this lady not do anything of substance with her students at all, literally just read out a grammar and not say anything while the students try to guess what it means on their own, and then later admit she hadn't even looked at the textbook at all before teaching the class... and not to mention the moment when I tried to explain something and she interrupted me midway and gave a wrong explanation. I was losing my mind. And I know I was right because I even looked it up later, but I couldn't say anything about it because the students were all just looking at me like I was out of line for trying to correct the professor.

Anyways, it's whatever I guess. I still have the other classes I volunteer at that aren't with that professor and therefore infinitely less infuriating.

Class was rough too. I hate the feeling of being in there with my classmates now, which I wish wasn't the case. All they talk about is graduating and how they've come so far and how they're almost done. I would be doing the same in their shoes to be fair, but I am still a semester and a half away from being done, and I am still struggling to make it all work out and not go crazy. The sense of disconnect between me and these people I used to feel so close to was too much for me. So I politely excused myself and went home and took a long nap.

It was honestly for the best. I was stressed all day, so of course I wasn't primed to sit in a class for 3 hours. I mostly just ate and watched a lot of Animal Crossing animation videos and started listening to Chappell Roan. Her music is actually pretty good.

Tomorrow's gonna be a slow day if I can help it. Maybe I'll see if a cafe is open and enjoy a pastry and being by myself. Or maybe I'll just sleep and then see if I can actually bring myself to play a viddy game. We'll see.

[annabelle--cane]

what’s your major if you don’t mind me asking? I think I want to be an English major maybe? Idk I’m lost on journey and any info at all about what that might entail would be helpful. That being said good luck with the concerts and the papers! Also I love your blog byeee

I'm double majoring in english and art history, and most of my english classes involve reading a certain about of a work on my own time (part of a book, a few poems, a play, etc), discussing it in a class of 15-30 people, writing two or three analytical papers per semester per class, and sometimes doing other graded exercises like group presentations, weekly reading responses, or worksheets to break down formal elements of the thing I'm looking at. I'm in the second semester of my junior year and this is actually the first time in university so far where I've had classes that assign multiple novels to read over the course of the semester, every other class I've taken so far has kept to shorter works so we can get through a wider range of material more quickly with maybe one short novel or novella. from what I've heard from people who go to other schools, this kind of seminar-based english class seems fairly common, but I can't speak for everywhere.

most english majors I know take on a second major or a minor or a specialization within english because at my school there are relatively few requirements to complete the major in comparison to other subjects and people end up with credits to fill and other interests they'd like to pursue. ex., in my second semester of my freshman year I realized I'd accidentally already completed half an art history minor so decided to finish it out, and then last semester I had the sudden thought "wait. but if I finish the minor this semester. that means no more art history classes." and I had juuuuust enough time left to finish out the double major requirements and still graduate in four years, so I upgraded and now I write 8-11 papers a semester because I am insane.

it's totally normal to feel lost on what you want to study, I know a bunch of people who got to college and changed their majors after a semester or two (most of them started as biology majors, idk what it is about bio that attracts people who simply don't want to do it), and I know people who've dropped out or taken gap years or taken multiple years off to figure out how they best function and what kind of degree would best suit what they want to do with their lives. I really like english, but it's not for everyone and there are plenty of options for you to feel out as you go.

thank you and I wish you luck!

[uwmadarchives]

How far we've come!

by Chloe Foor, Student Historian 2022/2023

As the semester has wound to a close, I find myself reflecting on just how much I’ve done since starting as a Student Historian in Residence back in July. I have had the opportunity to research the history of the LGBTQ+ community in Madison, dive through the archives, discovering the exact moment where queer UW students announced that they would not be invisible any more, and have had the opportunity to interview three prominent activists in the city’s history, and all of whom used their spirituality to empower themselves.

The first person I interviewed was the wonderful Becca Bedell, a recent graduate of UW’s MFA in poetry program. They worked with PresHouse, the Presbyterian ministry on campus, to preach queer theology, as well as found the group Queerly Beloved, a place where students can find support related to their spirituality, sexuality, gender, or even simply find a friend. It was wonderful to talk with Becca, and I am so excited to be able to publish my interview with them so that you can hear all of their incredible insights on faith, gender, sexuality, and life in general.

The next person I interviewed was Ken Scott, a UW graduate and  a member of Integrity/Dignity, a group for queer Christians. This interview was the only one that I have conducted in person so far, the others were done using a program called TheirStory, which is similar to Zoom but is made specifically for oral histories. I had two oral history sessions with Ken (he had a lot of incredible stories and we wanted to make sure that we got all of them down). The first session was in a conference room in St. Francis House, an Episcopal church on University Avenue. St. Francis House has a lot of historic value for the LGBTQ+ community in Madison, as it is where the Madison Alliance for Homosexual Equality first met, as well as a place where Integrity/Dignity met a lot. It was amazing to be in a place with such history, and Ken loved the homecoming. Huge thank you to Mother B. at St. Francis House for letting us use your space!

View an image of Ken Scott (left) and his partner Brian Bigler (right) during their Holy Union Ceremony in 1995 from the Wisconsin Historical Society.

The most recent interview I conducted was with Rich Fluechtling, an incredibly influential person in the United Church of Christ’s acceptance of gay people, and a participant in some of the earliest activism in Madison, such as the MAGIC picnic in Brittingham Park. Though he now lives in California, he spent 51 years of his life in Madison, most of it associated with First Congregational, the UCC church closest to campus. Through his work, it became the 76th UCC church to be called “Open and Affirming,” the designation used to signify its openness towards the LGBTQ+ community.

Fluechtling is pictured on the website as a member of the Board of Directors & Leaders of the UCC Southern California Nevada Conference.

After these three oral histories, I started looking for more people to conduct interviews with, as I want as many as possible so as to give a variety of perspectives on how UW students have navigated spirituality and queerness. I was having trouble finding people to interview, but then I thought of reaching out to the GSCC to see if any current students might be interested in telling their story. I posted on the “Spiritual Queers” Discord channel, and a few people have already reached out to me that they might be interested in helping! I am also planning on emailing various clubs and organizations to ask if I might be able to talk about the project during a meeting! That being said, if anyone reading this thinks that they might like to do an oral history and are queer, have been impacted by religion in some way, and are affiliated with UW, please shoot me an email at cfoor@wisc.edu!

In the meantime, I have spent some time in the archives, going through Daily Cardinal articles from the early 1970s, when the LGBTQ+ community really first started making themselves known on campus. Whenever I find something interesting, I scan it. My eventual hope is that I can publish these on a website as a sort of collection of early queer history at UW!

Speaking of the website, I have recently been given access to the Wordpress account of the archives website! I am looking forward to creating a platform to share my project, and have it be more accessible to people, maybe even people outside of UW! I also hope to create a page where every future Student Historian will be able to publish their own research!

I am very excited to see what the new year brings for this project! Thank you for following me on my journey :)

[rozcdust]

Hello, I am bored and my irl bestie already knows this story cus we went to the same school and shared the same class for 3 yrs straight, so imma rant to my free therapist

so u remember my high school right (flashback to the horror nun story). Now lemme tell u how this high school is elite, like always top 10 in the entire city since its formation kinda elite yk, so its really academically demanding and they care a lot about their ranking, more than they do their students mental health.

now imagine 12th grade girls on their last year of hs being given mountains of tasks and exams. Like we had papers with a minimum of 12 pages and guiding teachers who would ghost and leave us on read whenever we ask for counselling, we had practical exams where the teachers werent prepared so everytime we asked for the written criteria they have nothing to give and we end up being given more criterias near the deadline and those criterias would sometimes force us to redo half of the project, we still had daily exams and homeworks and the teachers would still have the audacity to say they're lacking things to grade like wtf, and of course we cant forget the national exams that would determine how pretty our diploma would be, that we also skydived into with 0 preparations bcus there just wasnt any time (i mean this literally, like we only had a few days after the disastrous practical exams before the per-national exams and the national exams immediately after, not a single day of break).

so imagine how it must feel after doing that paper, practical exams, final semester exam, daily exams, daily homeworks, additional exams and hws, and finally the goddamn national exam, and the school still had the audacity to say 'if we rely on ur national exam scores, ur grades will plummet so we will give u final exams. onsite so u dont cheat' LIKE MF THIS IS UR FUCKING FAULT U MADE US DO USELESS EXAMS AND ASSIGNMENTS AND WE HAD NO TIME TO STUDY OR PREPARE

so after a riot where we forced our parents to get involved (lemme say its probably the first time in their 160 yrs of existing that the parents actually went down and complained the school were being too much bcus these ppl were the same that put their daughters into this school bcus 'it's good n will make you adapted to stress n heavy workload') the school decided to cut down from 14 final exams to 4 (we have different categories here, like obligatory subject which all hs major have, major-focused subject only for the major, and cross major subject). the final exams are the major focused subjects

and these teachers looked at their girls, their tired stressed and 'idgaf anymore im doing this exam preparation what they gonna do? fail me? hah! they wont fail me since last graders graduation rate is spread nationwide and they dont wanna tarnish their precious reputation' (actual mindset here)

anyways the girls were stressed. STRESSED.

and the school taught

"these kids need blood"

so we were given blood supplements the starting morning of our final exams

did we loudly brag to any passing teacher that we didnt study and dont care if we fail? tbf most of the teachers looked done with us too. its just the antique ones that insisted we need more workload and stress

HELLO MY LOVE i am so sorry it took me so long to get to answering this, exams killed me and i truly had no time :((

yes i remember the cursed FUCKING nun that one left some nightmare 🥲

okay i am familiar with those typa schools/teachers and tbh fUCK THOSE SO HARD WHAT THE HELL DID THEY LEGIT TORTURE YOU WHAT-

babe- what the- 🤠 EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCCK????

good on the parents for coming down bc that is like. actually not fucking okay wtf

sorry, BLOOD???

B L O O D????

hell yeah you should loudly complain. fucking assholes wtf

fuck school. legit. like. E W

[ashuribbon]

hiii, sorry if this question seems so out of nowhere, but… do you miss miitopia?

Hello there, fellow anon!

I have to say, this question really took me by surprise to where I worried if it was with ill intent or not (thankfully some old pals reassured me that this ask might not be), so I'll be answering this question with caution.

To put it simply, it's mostly a mixed bag.

While I had made a lot of good friends in that era, it was also not a good fandom. Being groomed by my IRL ex-friend, my toxic relationship with my ex-partner, the bad people and bad friends I've put up with, even being stalked online and having my boundaries violated (and being painted as the villain for literally setting those boundaries)... I know wasn't perfect either, since I made my share of mistakes.

I remember talking to an old friend about how it was difficult for me to play the Switch version without having to remember the bad memories that came with it. Of all the games I did not finish, I never finished Miitopia for the Switch.

I will say, however, that it does make me smile when people reach out and say that they discovered my work through Miitopia and saw me move up as an artist, and even thanking me for the good I've done for the community. Since I have four semesters left until I finally graduate, and am already having larger projects in the worlds (including my CRK ARG), I tend to forget I didn't start with much. It does feel nice to know that my older works had inspired others at the end of the day. I can't bring myself to delete my old Miitopia works without being reminded that I left a positive impact on the community in one way or another, as much of a flawed person I was back then.

My Miitopia days are far behind me, and I'm more happier with other interests (and especially Cookie Run). As much as I would love to draw my Miisona again on his adventures, I'm more comfortable with distancing from Miitopia on my own terms.

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

holy fuck it’s been a minute since i posted!

almost 1600 days as a matter of fact aka almost 4 and a half years. my last post was early december of 2019, so like 3 months before life as we knew it ended.

tldr at the end!

this blog was largely based around the adhd experience in school, so some school updates!

i was a senior in 2020 so i “graduated” that may and my entire first year and a half of college was 100% online so that was certainly…interesting. second semester of sophomore year they reintroduced a couple of in person classes, mainly ones where zoom was impractical to use, such as my ASL classes. so i was one of the first students back on campus and that was cool but also horrible and extremely stressful and difficult to navigate. i was already struggling with my grades but that just made it worse. i started failing classes left and right, and basically failed my entire junior year first semester. second semester junior year i had just completely given up but was still taking classes to please other people, i enjoyed the actual learning between my two degrees but i just couldn’t keep up with school and everything else in my life. and then this last fall i had signed up for classes two weeks into the semester bc i was originally planning to take the semester off so i was extremely behind….and then two weeks after that i found out i had to move to a different state and ended up having to drop my classes anyways.

that break really forced me to slow down not just in school but all aspects of life. i got “settled” about halfway through october just to have to spend about 50-60% of the next 5 months traveling to and from home and my new state for many reasons. as it stands currently, unless i wish to pay out of state tuition i have to wait until about february or march of 2025 before i can get enrolled in a local university.

HOWEVER, i have decided and am actively looking into EMT schools for the summer and am currently looking for a second job in order to save up for that and im extremely excited about it! ill finish those degrees later lmao.

now, for the not school related life update that will show yall just why i was gone!

as many of yall may know i was diagnosed with adhd at 16, so in 2018, and had just been figuring a bit of it out when i started this blog. i was working and going to school and dealing with a lot at home but it was manageable for awhile. junior year was stressful and then i got extremely sick right around when i stopped posting so i had ended up taking some time off from content in order to focus on that. then covid hit and my life completely crumbled. i was already in online school so i didn’t have to slow down or wait for my school to figure stuff out and was able to finish business as usual. i was living at the time, with my grandparents, mom, sisters, and brother in one house, so it was always chaotic but being stuck in the house became a nightmare. lots and lots of family drama came from that and we were all stuck there because of how at risk both my grandparents and mom were.

the summer rolls around and i end up finally able to leave the house and get another job. it was a shit job but it got me out of the house so that was worth it. my “best friend” and i had been searching for apartments together so id needed to save money and was actively buying things and scheduling tours until she told me with less than a weeks notice that she was moving states and shortly after that basically quit acknowledging my existence. between family stuff, struggling with the start of college online, and then that i was not doing well mentally. i was lucky enough to have a couple friends that saw this and made sure to constantly keep checking on me and getting me out of the house more and more.

and then we moved. my mom, sisters and i started looking for a new place to live winter of 2020. my health had also taken a serious toll. i couldn’t even sit up in bed without feeling dizzy and was fainting regularly and had to quit my job because it got so bad. january 6th i got a call from my dr to go to the er immediately after she got some lab results back (i watched the capitol riot live on tv in the waiting room!) and was hospitalized for a few days after that. i got released and that next day we toured a house and it ended up being the one we bought.

within a month we were moving into the new house, school was kicking my ass, and i was still struggling physically and it had taken an even bigger toll on my mental health.

at the end of my freshman year i got a puppy and he and my friend genuinely saved my life. that summer, our family dog passed extremely unexpectedly and i had to pay all the vet bills for that and it really damaged my finances. my brother moved in and my life got worse again. and then we rescued a 3 week old kitten and couple months later i started another job. and then quit that job because my health was declining once again.

spring of the next year my sister and i got a job at the same place, and life seemed to start to steady minus my failing every class i took and my mental and physical health continuing to decline.

by fall of that year, after a lot of struggling throughout the family and a lot of other issues, we collectively agreed we had no choice but to send my brother rehab. he went, got out, immediately relapsed and we decided he had to go live with his biological father. i was thrilled because my brother genuinely abused me and then i adopted another kitten for my birthday that year.

this situation led my mother and his father to reconnecting and a month later they were engaged, they got married about 6 months later and had a long distance marriage of my mom traveling back and forth between him and my brother and the rest of the family.

about 4 months later my best friend moved states and it really sucked. and then another couple months passed and we found out that despite my working 60+ hours a week on top of school, i wasn’t going to be able to make ends meet anymore as we lost one source of income that had been what we needed to make ends meet each month.

so we moved my sisters into our grandparents house again since they wanted to stay in that state to finish school as they had less than a year left, i packed my stuff and my pets and after months of wondering what i was going to do a room at the house my moms husband/his parents and family/my brother opened up and my brothers grandparents were gracious enough to let me move in without having to pay rent. apparently i was a better option than the alternative. my mom conintued to split her time between here and back home.

i unexpectedly had to make a trip with my best friend back home as an old friend had passed and we wanted to attend the funeral so we went home for a couple days. a week later i was back home once again for thanksgiving and birthdays during which i was present at the mall for black friday shopping w mom and grandma and experienced a mass shooting. and then thought my sister was shopping at the same mall w her boyfriend and damn near was running back in while on the phone with them when he corrected her and told me they were at the other mall……not at all traumatizing. and again three weeks later for christmas. january i was job searching and got a job early february…just to have to, you guessed it, make another emergency trip home! my sister had gotten into a snowboarding accident so we flew my mom back there that day and the next day my sister stopped breathing because she was medically overdosed so that was a very traumatic call to get. my best friend flew me back home about a week after her accident to help out, god bless him for buying the plane tickets and my boss for hiring me and immediately letting me leave town!

while back home, my other sister got engaged, and a month later we went on a family vacation. i’m now back at my new house again, planning my next trip back home for my sisters wedding in less than a month, and a second trip later in that same month for their graduation.

seriously, bless my boss for being so insanely understanding and flexible.

throughout all this time my grandpa has had a handful of major health scares so that’s been a constant concern. but they are moving out here after my sisters graduate! and my sister that isn’t getting married is going to school in another state, and the one getting married will obviously be moving in with her soon to be husband.

hopefully i’ll have a second job by early june, and will be able to save enough to start EMT classes by august.

i don’t know how i would’ve made it through the last few years without the friends i have. they’re genuinely the best people i know. and of course my dog and cats, my babies, the reason i get out of bed.

so, if you read that far, first of all, congratulations bc that was a lot! and second, if you think that was bad, just know i was only scratching the surface! yay me…

tldr: life has actually sucked so insanely bad the last 4.5 years and it is from the combined effort of a miracle from God and a couple of ridiculous lot stubborn friend and my pets (and multiple therapists! sandra, natasha, kennedy if you see this, you the real ones!) that i’m still here.

[greydiminishing]

Jan 20, 2024

Since my last writing about two and a half weeks ago, I've packed up, moved 6 hours away to school, unpacked and moved in, and had a whole week of classes! Well almost whole, it was a 4 day week.

I am doing,, just okay. I am so excited to be back on campus and in school. But I feel super behind since I've failed so many classes previously, and took basically 3 semesters off. I'm essentially a 22 year old 3rd year. I've been a student in this school for five years. I was supposed to graduate this year, but I have two more years left, at minimum. Some of the kids I have classes with were highschool freshmen when I was a college freshman. I feel self consious and ashamed about that.

I also feel like i'm already behind in some classes after only two actual class sessions (tues/thurs and wed/fri classes). I didnt get as much studying done as I would've liked in those five weeks that i time blocked (But getting into time blocking was definitely worth it, thats helping me so much).

I haven't had to do any actual math in TWO YEARS. I celebrated taking the "last math class of my life", completely forgetting that I need to take a calc-based physics class. Now im struggling in class to find the sides of a triangle with sohcahtoa 😭 If i don't glue my eyeballs to khan academy i'm gonna be a wreck trying to integrate and find derivatives.

And one class has an "Assignment 0" which is just downloading and setting up all the software we're gonna be using, and just trying to clone my gitlab repository took me several hours to figure out.

All the deadlines and assignments and quizzes and project dates has my head spinning. One class requires you to upload your notes to the lecture video before every single class (m/w/f class, so 3 times a week), and its something like 10% of your final grade. Idk i just think thats stupid lol. And I can't help but write notes differently when i'm concious of the fact that someone else will be reading them :/

But I will be studying hard, and getting stuff done early as to not fall behind.

That was academics, now onto my roommates.

I was placed in a random campus apartment with 3 other roommates. We each have our own room, but share the living room and kitchen. They're nice and i want to be their friend so bad, but I'm so socially awkward and i don't know how to make friends 😭. The thing is, I'm coming into "their" apartment mid-academic year, and thats only because their other friend moved out for an internship or something, so I got put in the vacant room. They're already a little friendgroup, the three of them plus the friend that moved out which they're still in group chats with. They might've even know each other before living here, they seem pretty close.

They're not intentionally excluding me or anything, but everytime i'm chatting with them it feels so awkward, and when I go back to my room and I can hear their fun conversations finally ignite. They talk about their mutual friends, and their parents, and plans to roadtrip. Then I go back out to fill my water bottle or make tea or something, mostly an excuse to join their conversation, and the conversation goes back to quiet and polite. I know I act the same way around new people as well, so its not their fault, but I dont know what to do, how to get around this. I heard them from my room talking about anime, and I so badly wanted to join them, but I didn't know how to do so naturally without creeping them out like I was eavesdropping their convo the whole time. You can only go fill your waterbottle so many times.

Its already the end of week 1 and i've barely talked to them. I'm afraid if we don't get more friendly soon, as time progresses, we'll get more stuck in the same routine and we'll only be able to be awkward and quiet around each other for the rest of the semester. I want to suggest we order some food tonight and maybe watch a movie, but idk is that weird? To suggest out of nowhere and not really knowing them? And theres no TV so we'd have to watch on someones laptop. Aughhhh idk. Plus I really need to get started on all this work i already have. Maybe i'll suggest it next weekend.

I'm already planning on making cookies for everyone tomorrow. A freshly baked cookie is the way to friendship, surely?

[krislynpangilinan]

My Life Experiences

My name is Krislyn C. Pangilinan, but they always call me "naning." I am 17 years old, born on October 3, 2006, in Brgy. Sta. Catalina Talugtug Nueva Ecija. My father's name is Christopher L. Pangilinan he is a farmer, and my mother's name is Delia C. Pangilinan she is a housewife. I have one brother, whose name is Christian C. Pangilinan he is already married her wife's name is Eddielyn M. Pangilinan and they already have a son, which is my nephew, whose name is Carl Eziene M. Pangilinan.

When I was in daycare, I was only 3 years old, but I didn't graduate because I was not old enough. In kindergarten, I didn't also graduate because Ma'am Maricel took me to grade 1 because I already knew how to write. When I was a child, when my mother left me, I always cried at school because I thought she would never come back to me. When I was in elementary school, I was an academic achiever. When I was only in grade 2, I didn't get honors because my average dropped. It was fun because before, when I came from my school service, even on my bike, when I came, I went straight to my friends' houses, and we played patintero, Chinese garter, waya lata, and so on. I graduated from elementary school in Sta. Catalina Elementary School. When I entered junior high school, I studied at Cinense Integrated School. I was happy because I met new teachers and friends who became a part of my life. In grades 7 and 10, I got honors, but in grades 8 and 9, my average was not enough. That time, also because there was a pandemic, my attention was focused more on online games, so maybe my other grades dropped. So I graduated from junior high school at Cinense Integrated School. Before I was in grade 11, I enrolled in talugtug national high school-main, and the strand I took was humss, but when I was in brigada, I was not able to go because I was on vacation at my aunt's house in San Leanardo, Nueva Ecija, because my aunt had just arrived from abroad, so I went because he was asking to go fishing. Then we went to Dingalan Aurora. I used to get excited, but I was afraid to travel because I was weak, so they always made me drink Bonamine. Luckily, I didn't vomit. It's nice to go for a walk because the mountains are beautiful and the scenery is beautiful to watch. I stayed behind before because I wanted my cousins to bond because we only got together once before I went home to us.

When I was in grade 11, I was happy because my other classmates in junior high school were also my classmates, but I also had to adjust at first because I didn't know my other classmates and teachers. Until I got used to it, I met new friends that I could lean on whenever I had a problem. Because at that time I was always crying every night alone, I didn't let my parents hear or show it because they might scold me more, so what I did to forget was to just read Wattpad; this became my comfort zone whenever there were problems. When I was in grade 11 in the first semester, I didn't get honors because my average was low. I used to be very sad because I wanted to get honors, so I did my best in the 2nd semester, so I got in with honors along with my friends. Now that I'm in grade 12, something happened: I got a motorcycle, and I met a lot of people that I don't regret meeting them because they was a lesson to me. So I'm just focusing my attention more on studying, reading Wattpad , and being a fan of Enhypen. Even though it's sad because I didn't get honors in the first quarter, I'll make up for it in the second quarter.

[cor-regnum]

So fanfic talk concluding with life talk.

I haven't done any writing in general since January, which is also when I last updated my Stardew fic, which I feel bad for how long this hiatus has been. The pokemon fic I've just been slowly posting what I'd already written and I have only one chapter left before I'm REALLY in trouble with that one, too. And this upcoming chapter is the first perspective shift that continues to the next chapter, so I'd feel weird posting it and then not knowing when the following update would happen.

I'd lost a lot of my notes for the Stardew fic, and after my surgery in February, my memory in general has been such garbage. I wanted to blame the anti-rejection meds, but it's really more that a lot of trauma has been unearthed since the surgery. Over the past few weeks, I've pieced back together a good amount of things I was alluding to by rereading my fic multiple times (which OH BOY I'm glad to see I'm improving as writer from how I started the fic), but I feel so out of touch with Stardew that I might just stream or play on my own time a fresh playthrough to re-familiarize myself with the world before I get back to writing. And I don't like the few chapters I'd already written but hadn't posted, so I plan on re-writing those.

As for the Pokemon one, I'm pretty relentless about keeping track of the passage of time, in my writing in general. And I'm at a point where I knew I'd need to pick between one route or another and was hoping by the time I get there, that I'd be able to make the choice. Basically, since Azar comes into halfway into a semester, I have to decide which route will cover what in those ~7 weeks. There's SO much ground to cover before he graduates.

Then there's the MGS fic I'm conceptualizing, but I know I won't make too much headway on that until I'm done with my series revisit, which isn't happening until I'm done with XVI.

Thinking about all of the above on top my other dilemmas (my health, work, streaming, family drama, "how do I make friends?" debacle, "If I can't even make friends, how am I going to get me a good boyfriend?!" despair, etc.) has REALLY been overwhelming me lately. And I think that's why I'm just overall burnt out on life. But I'm trying. Because there isn't much else I can do.

[starry-hughes]

OK hi so this is just a question that I’m having and I’m kind of debating over but I wanted somebody with a completely unbiased opinion to give me their opinion on it so basically, I’m getting ready to go to college like next semester right like the fall semester and I just graduated high school literally yesterday And my school does this thing where they can have a party afterwards and get away like raffle off prizes and one of them was a computer that I so happen to get it and I was very excited about it because that meant one less thing for me to have to worry about right But I am currently sitting here with this computer and I don’t like it at all. I was originally going to save up for a MacBook Air. Well, my mom was going to help pay for part of it because basically for a graduation gift for my brother she got him a computer for college so she was going to do the same for me. He didn’t really care what kind of computer he got as long as it did what he needed it to do me personally, I like going with things that I understand already and it’s not a new learning experience because it’s kind of overwhelming for me and I feel like really just not smart basically when I have to learn some thing that can be as complicated as a computer rate And so I was gonna go with a MacBook Air because we’ve used those in school for the last five years so I know how to use it. I understand that there won’t be a new learning curve and I’m comfortable with it which was very important to me. Also those ran normally $800 and that seemed pretty reasonable to me but I was willing to have my mom pay whatever she was willing to pay for it And then me just cover the rest. She doesn’t really like Apple products I do because that’s what I’ve grown up with. That’s what I’m comfortable with so that’s just where I stand on that but she’s very much like oh well you can learn it I’ll teach you. I understand it your brother will understand it whatever and be able to help me and I really just don’t want this computer if I’m gonna be completely honest like I am super grateful for the fact that I taught it and I don’t want to seem ungrateful for the fact it out of that so many kids that were put in the raffle which was over 100 kids. I got the computer right but I just don’t like it and I am thinking about either trading it in for a MacBook Air and then just covering whatever is left over since they’re not equal in prices, or selling it, and then putting the money that I get from it towards getting the MacBook, now I’m an adult also as of yesterday so obviously I can make my own decisions right but like would it be a dumb one to resell or trade in this computer to get a MacBook like would that just be not logical at all and like is it dumb that I just don’t want this computer because I’m trying to gauge if I’m like totally overreacting is not the best word, but like that’s only word I can think of about it but I don’t know I just really don’t like it and I really would prefer a MacBook Air. I don’t wanna see my grateful and also my mom is like we can teach you right but like is it rude of me to just not want that instead get the MacBook you know I hope that made sense I’m voice texting because honestly I really don’t wanna type all that out also I’m so sorry because that is so long because I was voice texting but what’s your opinion on that? I just wanted kind of an unbiased perspective on it and I understand you’re only getting like one person’s point of you on it since it’s just me talking but like I’m just trying to gauge if this would be a dumb decision to get rid of this computer that I now already have that I got expense free, or if I should just get the one that I want do you know also I hope it all made sense once again, voice texting so sometimes I mixed up my words, so I completely apologize if any of it didn’t make sense totally can ask to clarify it if you need to, but yeah, that was the question or like opinion I needed I guess? Thanks in advance.

-☀️

i researched my laptop for weeks after graduation and i knew i needed something that i would like, i was familiar with, and that would last me for years. i paid for my laptop myself with all my graduation money. but i am the type of person who would say i prefer free stuff (like i got a printer and a kitchen aid for free and sure i didn’t know how to use either at first but it was free so i learned)

however, i don’t think you’re overreacting because when you are getting something like a laptop for school, you want something you know and trust. i think it comes down to financial things. like for my apartment, my mom bought my bed and gifted it to me with a new headboard and i didn’t get to choose it or anything, but it was free and i appreciated it. i didn’t have the money to pay for it and was using a shit bed so i took whatever i could get from my parents.