#also hugo meaning 'bright mind'

[crownedspectre]

SO Mortis has gone on record multiple times saying this game does not have any one meaning...I know one popular fan theory is that Hugo is very ill and the switch is meant to signify the choice to be taken off of life support and accept death.

To be quite honest, I've never truly cared for this reading of the game and ones similar to it. Not to say they are bad by any means!! I just find the explanations given to be too literal for my tastes, it ignores the significance of the player within the story, and what would Judge's choice mean in that instance? If you are terminally ill, you can not choose to simply not die. You can choose to endure suffering sure but...The Judge is shown to be a sympathetic character, while the Batter is firmly framed as an antagonist in the latter half of the story. I don't think the choice to be taken off life support when you're chronically ill is bad or evil. If anything The Judge's choice seems crueler to me with that reading in mind! My interpretation of the game is within the same spirit, but the stakes are a little less dire than death. To me, this game is about escapism. Toxic escapism...and the choice to either give up and retreat inward or stay present even when it feels like "nothing is left". I have a few key points to support this reading.

1. “Vincit Qui Se Vincit” 

This is what Zacharie says right before you fight The Queen. The full saying translates to “He who prevails over himself is twice victorious” It means that “a person who overcomes his weaknesses or failings, who is able to control his emotions and actions, wins life's most important battle.” I think Zacharie is talking to You here, the player. He is urging you to look inward…to question what Batter represents to you. Thus far, even though you and the Batter have moved as one, there has always been a disconnect due to your limited scope as a being outside the realm of the game, and it’s only grown as you’ve progressed. I am no longer a God, but a passenger at the whims of a narrative, one that has begun to sicken me. This now feels more like Batter's mission than mine, and Zacharie foreshadows that the only way to truly win is to get a handle on this rogue part of ourselves. (This will make more sense when I explain what I feel The Batter is meant to represent, but keep it in mind for now.)

  2. Sucre's Dialogue 

The short conversation before you fight Sucre is really illuminating to me. The first line especially.

"Ignoring why things are so frightening" is the entire purpose of an escapist fantasy. The goal is to endure a painful reality as little as possible. In fact, this has been a theme throughout the entire game, particularly prevalent among the elsen who are more than once seen avoiding aspects of their reality that cause them to feel what they consider to be, unpleasant emotions. (Death in this world is also synonymous with an escape from pain.)

3. Somewhere Over the Rainbow. 

The Judy Garland version of this song famously features in The Wizard of Oz and it's sung by Dorothy, who is tired of the mundanity of her average farm life and is hoping to somehow be able to get away from it all...

"Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly

Birds fly over the rainbow

Why then, oh, why can't I?"

I think Hugo is implied to have had a rough upbringing for sure, and I do feel a large part of the game is suggested to take place in his head, although I tend to favor a reading that's even MORE abstract and just say that Hugo himself represents a child's imagination and innocence. The world of OFF to me represents a child's perception of the outside world before it has been disillusioned. It was bright, colorful, and safe, but then ~something~ happened that changed that. Life happened. Suddenly, the rose-tinted glasses start cracking. That's when the neurosis sets in, the guardians start losing their grip, the spectres arrive to throw everything into chaos...and then eventually comes The Batter, who to me, symbolizes a complete rejection and subsequent destruction of a world that once brought you comfort. When you have been mistreated, your hatred and apathy DO feel righteous. At his core he is nihilism personified...and once he destroys your inner child the only thing that's left is to give up on everything. This is what Zacharie was trying to open your eyes to, and that is why The Judge's ending is so profound to me.

The Batter's decision is immediately appealing. Sunk Cost fallacy. We’ve already made it this far…the world is a shell of what it once was. Why keep going when there is nothing left in sight to fight for?  But The Judge argues that simply existing is better than turning your back on it all. Why? Sugar says it best in her dialogue, “Think of something beautiful really hard, and maybe you will see it tomorrow.” As long as we push forward, we can have hope. And hope is what I felt, watching the end credits after completing The Judge's ending and seeing him walk through the barren landscape alone. Hope, that one day something new could take its place.

This reading to me equalizes both end-game decisions in my mind. I don’t think either one is “wrong” necessarily, just different reactions to trauma that you could have.

And what about You? The player? Well.

It is impossible for me to ignore that we are a character in this story too, we are addressed by name!! and when you take the obvious religious themes to their logical conclusion, you are likened the most to a god. That's why I believe that the world of OFF is meant to be....yours.

You're the one who's hurting. Hugo is YOUR sick inner child. It's why you're the one who's overseeing the destruction of everything through Batter. You want this just as much as it is his nature to provide it as a self-destructive Part of you!

(Him talking about himself here ^ )

It's also the reason why you're the only one who can stop him at the end and The Judge couldn't do it without you (even though he has a move that can kill batter in like 3 hits when you play as him.) The choice to kill off parts of yourself that no longer serve you is the only one that you can make.

SO BASICALLY, TLDR...

The zones are different sectors of your own inner landscape and Batter is a self-destructive part of your brain that earnestly masquerades as a protector since he believes the best way to protect you from a painful reality is to cut you off from it.

Hugo isn't immediately accessible until you destroy everything else because he is your heavily repressed inner child. Once he's gone however, you can make the final decision to retreat inward and disconnect from the outside world completely. Making the decision to not pull the lever means that even though life has been painful to you, you opt to continue to stay present in the hope that things will get better someday...somewhere over the rainbow.

When I pulled that lever in the last moments, I didn't grieve for Hugo, I grieved for myself. It felt deeply personal to me the first time I played OFF 8 years ago, and it still did on my latest playthrough.

I do believe this game and its messages are important however you chose to interpret them, although I figured this post was in order because this is the "canon" I operate from and what I will depict in my art and posts.

[none-ofthisnonsense]

Book recommendations? 👀

Thank you for asking!

Oooh, this is going to be an interesting one, because I'm not entirely sure myself!

You've said that you got to hear Madeleine l'Engle speak once, so I'll take to mean that you're familiar with her works - but the Time Quintet (especially A Wrinkle In Time and A Swiftly Tilting Planet) still is my favourite book series of all time!

I know you've also read this one, but A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett is one of my all-time favourites.

Now, onto actual recommendations:

Beasts and Beauty: Dangerous Tales by Soman Chainani. Delightfully chilling and quite well rewritten, with some twists you won't expect.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. I don't actually remember reading this one (it was for book club) but I remember thinking I'd reread it. (I know there's a movie that came out in 2010? 2012? Idk. With Andrew Garfield I think. I didn't watch it, but maybe you know it!)

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab. This is pretty popular already but I read until 3 am because I could. Not. Put. It. Down.

Anything by Eva Ibbotson! I've actually only read 3 of her books but they changed my childhood forever, I think. My personal favourite is:

The Dragonfly Pool by Eva Ibbotson. Absolute wonder. I don't usually like books set during wars but this one does a great job of it. And Tally is such a wonderful character!

Journey to the River Sea by Eva Ibbotson is also one I like. It's much more a book about the setting, I think, than the previous one (where I focus more on the characters) but it's just such a lovely story.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid. I didn't like this one much when I was reading it, but now I reference it in my mind a lot (an "oh, like Evelyn Hugo!" pops up when thinking about surprisingly many things.)

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. I'm fairly sure you've read it, but I'm recommending it anyway!

I've just remembered Jennifer Niven. She's more YA, but her books literally saved my life (and I'm using "literally" correctly). My absolute favourite of hers are:

All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. Fair warning: this book deals with HEAVY mental health. But it saved my life. And it's forever going to be a comfort book for me.

Holding Up The Universe by Jennifer Niven. This introduced me to what prosopagnosia is, and I don't remember reading it either but I think about it often. I should reread it, come to think of it.

After Jennifer Niven: Nicola Yoon! Also more YA, but her books are so good.

Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon. This deals with illness, so if you're uncomfortable with that maybe don't read it, but I remember liking it.

The Sun Is Also A Star by Nicola Yoon. I remember liking this one and especially learning from it.

A Gentleman In Moscow by Amor Towles. For once I can remember reading it (I've forgotten more than a few books I've had to read for book club). I was saddened by it, but also felt hopeful by the end - it's a nice read.

And that's it! That's all the books I could find on my Readerly list, anyway. Thank you so much for asking, and I hope you get to read some of these!

[see-fee]

Chapter 19: Conspiracy Between a Cadre

Elijah and Daneel take the plunge, and Gem shocks everyone by showing a side that they’ve never seen before. Hardly recognizable by her comrades, she takes off at high noon for a very different kind of duel.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35069428/chapters/115625584 Send me some love (snacks & tea) via Ko-fi 👉 https://ko-fi.com/seefee ✨

Lyrics & lyric notes below ↓

If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems, and a bitch ain't one Tip my hat to the sun in the West Feel the beat right in my chest At the cross roads a second time Make the devil change his mind It's a pound of flesh but it's really a ton 99 problems and a bitch ain't one If you're having girl problems I feel bad for your son I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one 99 problems But a bitch ain't one Like broken glass under my feet I can lose my mind in this heat Lookin' for the prize but I don't want blood Oh I won't drink then I drink the flood Well you can come inside but your friends can't come 99 problems and a bitch ain't one If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one I got 99 99 99 99 99 problems But a bitch ain't one 99 99 problems But a bitch ain't one

⚠️ Mild chapter spoilers below

So, about these not-misogynistic lyrics. Besides being a badass driven tune that has honourable outlaw vibes:

Girl problems: Elijah/Daneel don't have girl problems because they're both men, and the girls are the opposite of a problem for them

Bitch: Gem = badass bitch. R. Finley = Kidan’s bitch. Kidan = actual bitch.

At the cross roads a second time: the decision to tell the girls. First time was the decision to get together

Make the devil change his mind: fighting back against malevolent forces

It’s a pound of flesh but it's really a ton: they're putting their fate in the hands of the girls and staking it all in exchange for help. In Merchant of Venice, the famous use of this “pound of flesh” phrase, Antonio's collateral with moneylender Shylock was a literal pound of his flesh. It also has this quote: “My purse, my person, my extremest means Lie unlocked to your occasions.” —Bassanio to Antonio (Asimov wrote in his guide to Shakespeare that Bassanio offering his life like this to Antonio was a declaration of homosexual love. Sound familiar to our boys?)

Lookin' for the prize but I don't want blood: they’re only acting in self-defense and are non-violent

Well you can come inside but your friends can't come: R. Finley’s in their dome now that they’ve converted him, not the other henchmen who can’t come Outside to come inside

Tip my hat to the sun in the West: when they’re Outside, the West is the open farmland, the City is to the East. Although this chapter doesn’t take place at literal sunset

I can lose my mind in this heat: Elijah doesn’t like heat and lies in a dark room after working Outside as a “cure for over-brightness”

Just in case, here’s some real blues

[infactforgetthepark]

[Free eBook] Humanity 2.0 [Futurology Science Fiction Anthology]

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The anthology contains fifteen short stories exploring how interstellar flight and other technologies might change humanity in the future, and the meaning of what it is to be human. Contributors include classic and more recent authors including Hugo and Nebula Award winners and finalists such as Caroline M. Yoachim, Robert J. Sawyer, Robert Silverberg, Nancy Fulda, Ken Liu, John Varley, and more, with a mix of newly-written and reprinted shorts.

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Description What will it mean to be human in the future? How will we evolve in order to reach the stars?

Fifteen short stories collected in this book examine how interstellar flight might change humanity itself. Will we choose to upload our minds into a singularity? Enhance ourselves with alien DNA? Will our bodies remain the same, but our culture and societal norms adapt to accommodate for effects of time dilation, or become subsumed by advanced alien cultures?

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Includes stories by Robert J. Sawyer, John Varley, Robert Silverberg, Brenda Cooper, Ken Liu, Mike Resnick, Jody Lynn Nye and many more.

[byanyothernxme]

𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫-𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐲;  Bright ruby red roses are the true sign of love and usually symbolize passion, desire, and romance.

[ archive blog ] [ pinterest ]

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

full name: rose florence granger-weasley etymology: rose -  Originally a Norman French form of the Germanic name Hrodohaidis meaning "famous type", composed of the elements hruod "fame" and heit "kind, sort, type". The Normans introduced it to England in the forms Roese and Rohese. From an early date it was associated with the word for the fragrant flower rose (derived from Latin rosa). When the name was revived in the 19th century, it was probably with the flower in mind. florence -  From the Latin name Florentius or the feminine form Florentia, which were derived from florens "prosperous, flourishing". Florentius was borne by many early Christian saints, and it was occasionally used in their honour through the Middle Ages. In modern times it is mostly feminine. nicknames/aliases: rosie, posie, weasley age: twenty six birthday: April 15 zodiac: Aries place of birth: London, UK gender: cisfemale pronouns: she/her orientation: heterosexual nationality: English blood status: half-blood occupation: mediwitch affiliation: DA, the Weasley-Potter clan

𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

schooling: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, St. Mungo’s medical program house: Gryffindor

best classes: Defense Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, Potions, and Charms worst classes: Divination electives: Ancient Runes honors: Head Girl, Prefect extra-curricular: Gryffindor Chaser, Dueling club

𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

face claim: lily collins

height: 5′5″ eye color: Bright green hair color and length: Auburn curls that hangs down to the middle of her back that she wears with a middle part. Sometimes, she wears her hair in one long, messy braid when she needs her hair out of her way. She quite recently got herself a blunt fringe tattoos/scars/markings: Her cheeks and nose are covered in freckles that she had been teased for when she was younger though now she’s quite proud of them. Both her ears are pierced and she has a nose piercing (her mother hates it). She also has an outline of a dove tattooed on her wrist (her mother also hates that). fashion sense: rose’s fashion sense tends to be all over the place but her rule of thumb is comfortability. she wears a lot of jumpers-- most of which she had made herself-- band tees that she had collected over the years as well as t-shirts that shows her support to her favorite nerdy things. she’s a big fan of Lord of the Rings, so “hobbitcore” is part of her closet. 

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

the label: the heroine ENTJ -  is someone with the Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging personality traits. They are decisive people who love momentum and accomplishment. They gather information to construct their creative visions but rarely hesitate for long before acting on them. moral alignment: chaotic good addictions: Sweets -- many cakes and biscuits positive: creative, loyal, protective, innovative, & survivalist negative: abrasive, blunt, untrusting, short-tempered, & impatient languages: English, passable French.

𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬

father: ron weasley mother: hermione granger

she is currently not speaking to either one of her parents since they had announced their divorce. Before this, Rose wasn’t particularly close to either one of her parents over the years and often hated being compared to either one. before she started school, she was rather close to her father but after entering hogwarts and ron’s opinions of those that rose became friends with, it put a strain on their relationship.

siblings: reese and hugo weasley. marcelina graves-weasley (sister-in-law)

rose is close to both her brothers though reese has taken more of a fatherly role in her life. she feels rather protective over both her brothers and would do anything they would ask of her. Since joining their family, rose had always viewed marcie like a sister.

grandparents: molly and arthur weasley, mr. and mrs. granger extended family: tobey and gene graves-weasley (nephews), the weasley-potter clan.

best friend: Dylan Parkinson-Rowle friends: Cassie Malfoy boyfriend: Jackson Krum.

𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬

Has a Grey Maine Coon cat named Sherlock. Recently acquired a white maine coon kitten that she has named Watson.

Is rather proud that she doesn’t have any roommates but tbh, Rose is the worst roommate to have. Her clutter is every where.

Rose BEGGED the sorting hat to put her in Gryffindor. begged. Slytherin was the hat’s first choice but she did not and would not be the one to tell her own father that she was placed in the Slytherin house. She negotiated, bartered, and bribed that darn hat until it finally gave in. She was placed into Gryffindor. She doesn’t think the hat likes her very much after that, oh well.

Is often compared to Hermione much to Rose’s displeasure. They look almost the spitting image of each other with the exception of Rose’s hair colour and rose is quite a clever girl– she did get top marks in school– but that is where the similarities end. Rose is much more rough around the edges… in fact, her edges are frayed and she’s barely holding it together. She’s harsher and more impulsive. she jumps to conclusions a lot and while 90% of the time, she’s right, she can be wrong sometimes. Not that she will ever admit it.

hates being compared to her parents, especially her mother. Her relationship is definitely strained with her mother. 

Sarcastic af

She puts everyone she cares about before herself. Has always been that way and sometimes it tires her.

She knits, crochets, and sews most of her clothes but doesn’t brag about it.

[evelynhug0]

my thoughts (live blogging) to this great chapter of an amazing TSHOEH fanfic

the two of them have the time of their lives. – yes they deserve it. i already want to cry. for no reason. i just want them to be happy but we all know what is going to happen i swear this story will give me a heart attack one day. how did i even survive reading the book. it fucked me up forever. 

awww my wasted babies… well actually only one of them is really wasted lol. 

sleepyhead awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww my babies!!!!!!!! now kiss!!!!!!

“Or the most beautiful girl on earth” I smiled, bright and proud, reaching out for her. – am i smiling like an idiot, blushing, covering my face with one hand because i cannot handle it? yes i totally am. oh my god this is so beautiful i am going to cry oh nooo i am really going to cry. great. my eyes are filled with tears after reading 10 sentences

(and we all know what wiped her out lmao if you know you know)

YES KISS!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! I AM TOO EXCITED TO READ!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!!!! I NEED VODKA

fuck

how am i gonna survive this. i am not stable enough emotionally

celia and evelyn living together would have been so cute aaaaah (at a young age i mean)

but then again evelyn would have probably turned every room into a mess on a daily basis hahaha

I stayed the whole day and night at her place – ah yes i love that. that’s so romantic and cute ah. i love this girlfriend content so much! i love them!!! 

On my way out, I almost forgot my Oscar on her couch. She brought it back to me. – lmao i am laughing. who thinks about an oscar when you have EVELYN FCKING HUGO around you??? 

she smirked, amused and proud that I would forget the whole world around her. – hahaha yes exactly!!! aww my cute babies!!! i love you!!! so much!!!! aaaaaaaaaah!!!

I kissed her hard and promised her I would call later. – oh my god bro i need vodka and i also need to open my windows because the thought of that kiss makes my face look like a tomato omggggggggg

i love this chapter already so much. i feel like i am there with them. feeling all the vibes & love aaaaaah!!! i can really feel everything! and it’s exciting and beautiful and it makes me hopeful (idk for what but yeah idc)

that I had ditched the after-party to have a romantic escapade - or worse, a sinful one-night stand - with Harry Cameron. – sorry but i am laughing so hard! Roger you are a bit dumb but I cannot really blame you! omg this is too funny hahahaha oh boy poor Celia.  A SINFUL ONE NIGHT STAND WITH HARRY CAMERON I AM SCREAMING!! SINFUL… ROGER HOW OLD ARE YOU? OK IT’S THE 50s i get it (ah no probably the 60s already)

I found myself laughing at the mere idea of it and that pissed him even more so I did my best to get a grip on myself and reassured him that nothing scandalous happened. – at least not between a very gay celia and a very gay harry hehehe oh Roger, if only you knew

I regretted nothing. – good girl

For a moment I thought it was Evelyn but I was wrong. Shirley’s chirpy voice greeted me on the other side. – oh no I wanted it to be Evelyn too Shirley pls call later ok

“No, of course, I haven’t, Shirley. I would never” I comforted her, sitting down on the floor. “I was just…celebrating.” – I would never is such an Evelyn thing to say tho. yeah… “celebrating” by going down on Evelyn (which is a good way to celebrate i think)

“Too many parties, Oscar winner?” – oscar winner is also such an Evelyn thing to say lol

Shirley was my best friend and a lesbian – good combo

“I met a girl, Sheer. I was with her.” – GOALS 

We ended things because we understood we couldn’t be together, too similar to each other and too far, me leaving for Los Angeles and embarking on the movie industry adventure…but feelings are tricky, and sometimes mind and heart have different paces to deal with things. – AWWWW but yeah it is sadly ‘normal’ to feel this way i guess. i know the feeling too :( 

I told her how incredibly happy I was with her, how she knew how to bring out the best in me and I hoped it would be the same for her. I didn’t believe it was possible to love someone the way we loved each other, almost as if we all were put on earth to find other people, and I was put here to find her and she me. I told her that I could no longer imagine my life without her. – i cannot handle this. my brain is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¨ nonstop… i really want to feel like this one day too. i really wish i had this kind of love.. ugh i wanna cry

“It’s not surprising that someone would love you,” she said. “But I’m glad you two found each other.” – wow this made me emotional. and it makes me hope that one day someone will finally love me… just like evelyn and celia loved each other  great i am making myself cry with this

I NEED A BREAK WOW 

too many different emotions, too much to handle right now haha

am i ready to continue.. no. will i do it anyway? yes! 

she said, “I’ll miss you but we’ll have all the time in the world when you come back.” – PLEASE DON’T DO THAT TO ME OKAY???? OKAY??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH MY LEGS ARE SHAKING (MAYBE IT IS THE VODKA IDK) 

DON’T DO THAT TO ME MY HEART IS RACING

to distract myself from crying i will now imagine roger being mad af because he thinks that celia and harry had like sex for 2 days straight lol (straight is the wrong word anyway here)

She was helping me fold my shirts, stealing kisses now and then – awww evelyn being cute is one of my fav things!!!! we love a cuddly and soft evelyn don’t we 

yes we do

“Wanna learn French, love? I can help, if you wish – real french or french in bed? lmao i am the worst

Cece – i love this damn

I liked when she called me Cece, the pet name she picked for me. It was a shortening of my real name ‘Cecelia’, the one I rarely used after I changed my name to ‘Celia’. Evelyn once told me that she loved them both but that she found herself repeating and savoring the sound of my real name far too often than she would like to admit. I would smile so brightly whenever she called me ‘Cece’ because nobody had ever called me like that before. It was Evelyn’s way to call me, her way to say: for the rest of the world you might be Celia St. James, to me you are Cece, Cece Jamison, and I love you just the way you are. – STOP!!!! STOP STOP STOP STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING I CANNOT HANDLE THIS!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT HANDLE THIS!!! AH DAMN I LOVE THEM SO MUCH IT’S UNHEALTHY! I DON’T EVEN HAVE WORDS!!!! 

i love their love and i love how much they love each other and how soft evelyn is with celia aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah this is so gay i love it

I must admit: it stung at first. Harry came first once again…for once since we were lovers, I wanted to be the first person she would discuss her plans with. – i totally get that. she should have to CECE about it earlier

Nouvelle Vague Evelyn… me gusta hahaha also i wish that movie with her was real, even the thought of it has me almost drooling… ok this is bad i am a bad bi ugh

(i love how everyone wishes to see her boobs in the film but the only one who truly sees all of it is CELIA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH in your face gross men)

“what’s the City of Love without your sweetheart holding hands with you and kissing you by the Eiffel Tower? Questions, dearest Cece, questions…” – BRO! can i receive a card like this too? i would probably not survive it tho

She also wrote me a few letters, asking about me and sharing updates about her meeting with this or that producer. Some letters were awfully romantic, like the one that recited:  — dear lord, i need that vodka now

“What can I say? I was right and I stand for my words” she said, taking my hand into hers and placing a kiss on my wrist. – bro… just straight up kill me okay? dear lord how can i handle this… i’m almost out of vodka

I never let her letters go unanswered, sending back passionate replies, pouring all my affection into each word. – i bet you did, cece! 

The truth, Cece, the whole truth – this has lowkey mafia boss vibes and i am here for it

Max Girard is and will always be a highly questionable and rather disgusting man to me – hahahahahahahaha i am laughing out loud i love this. the ‘rather’ should be ‘extremely’ instead because he is a filthy gross ass dog

she flourished, blossoming like a beautiful flower. Never before she had looked so free, so wild and sensual as she did playing the role of that American tourist who stumbled into two petty thieves and embarked on a trip in the mountains with them. – Well, I wish I could watch this movie… And Celia sounds a tiny bit horny here haha i am here for it tho, i mean i totally get that. and she’s lucky… that wild and sensual woman is her GIRLFRIEND AAAAAAAAAAh

She teased the viewer, she played them like a fiddle but with a grace out of this world. – not only in movies lol

I don’t think it’s absurd to claim that Evelyn Hugo was truly born in that moment. She emerged from the French lake water like a nymph, like Venus on the shore of the Greek sea. – damn this is poetic. this chapter is so good! wow! so many feelings!!! where is my vodka

this is so gay i love it

I drove home to her barely containing my excitement. – hahahahahahaha

She was so different from the girl I admired on screen earlier and I loved the dissonance. The wild and sensual Evelyn Hugo everybody fell for wasn’t necessarily a lie, she was like that too, but I have always liked seeing the other side of her true self, when she let her guard down and let me look at her. At Evelyn Herrera. – great, every single word makes me go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even more than the word before. sweet jesus. how can i survive this. oh lord, help me. this is so beautiful and gay i cannot handle it. help me good god (i sound very religious lmao)

I pulled her closer and wrapped my arms around her waist. —- now kiss!!! (and more…hehe)

“Hold on, you’re not saying that just because of the lake scene, are you?” – oh evelyn!!!

“Even if that scene wasn’t bad at all. It gave me an idea or two…” – not me swallowing hard and blushing and now opening my window again sweet jesus

I made to kiss her again but she broke our embrace and parted from me. She loved to deny herself to you at times only to make you desire her even more. – ummm evelyn hello??? i was expecting something now ugh

“The slowing down and cutting just at the right time…it was all my idea,” she said, giving me her back, swaying. “Oh,” I said, crossing my arms, my eyes never leaving her. “You are such a tease, Evelyn.” – sweet jesus i cannot breathe

She looked at me over her shoulder, before facing me again. She raised an eyebrow at me, playful and flirtatious. – i am blushing please make this stop aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah oh god this is so good and this is so evelyn!!! this is perfection and it makes me wanna open every single window in my apartment as it is a bit hot in here oh god I CAN SEE HER FACE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AS IF I WAS WATCHING A MOVIE OH MY GOD

“I thought you liked a little tease, Cece.” – NOOOOOOOOOOOO OH MY GOD!!!! NO EVELYN DON’T DO THAT TO ME OH MY GOD!!! how can celia survive this? how did she not just jump on evelyn in that moment because that is probably what i would have done oh god i should shut up. i love how she says this as if she had done this only for celia that is so hot and so good!! 

I laughed softly as she started unbuttoning her shirt and flashed me a sultry smile, beckoning me over. – oh god. i need church. i need church. and i am out of  vodka. also why does it stop here? we cannot leave everything to our imagination hellO?????????

yeah stab me with that last sentence

[asexual-juliet]

tuck everlasting + names

[youwontlikethisblog]

Brutas! La Policia!

I've read a few analysis on this episode before so while watching it again I was mindful to pay attention to certain details, for example; Armando's facial movements and the way he spoke while also paying attention to Marcela's behavior throughout the episodes that take place for that night (I think there's two or three.)

Now to start this off Armando is already at the drag party. He calls Marcela up and explains he'll be at the apartment. Now Marcela's reaction reminded me a lot of how abusers behave in public. They smile, they laugh, they're kind, loving, understanding, and most of all the perfect S.O so when you complain about it absolutely no one believes you because "they're so perfect" she often giggles when conversing with him, instead of yelling like she normally would she lets things slide.

Now up to this point of the series we've seen a pretty...dysfunctional relationship but they have their ups more than their downs. We know Armando is a cheating whore and that Marcela is aware of this but lets it slide even though she yells at him all the time. However Marcela is often seen more loving towards Armando, the only time they truly have heated arguments that aren't related to Armando cheating, they're related towards Betty and her role in the company and his life. See up to this point(Before Marcela came back from New York) we as viewers have seen Armando be annoyed at his fiancé but she was still his number one girl, meaning that yeah he could have his side pieces but at the end of the day (As he said himself) she was the woman he wanted to be with, was it for the sake of his parents or just for the company, whatever it may be he wanted to be with her. By little things like asking Betty to stay in meetings, to asking her to sit beside him during meetings Marcela's behavior begins to change. I noticed that when she came back from NY and entered his office, he went and stood next to Betty and looked at her and then Marcela, smiled and commented on her new look (Something that I find interesting and I'll comment on that when I get to that ep) he then went and kissed her, now I know it could have been interpreted that he was feeling guilty over the conversation he was having with Mario and Betty (the company getting seized by Terra Moda) which could be true but I find it interesting that in that moment they didn't show him staring at Mario and then Betty or vise versa but instead he stood next to Betty and glanced at her for a moment.

Why do I bring this up when it happened days before the Drag Party? Because it speaks on the shift that they begin to have in their relationship. Often we see Armando as the main instigator and I won't sit here and justify that man's actions. He was a serial cheater, a whore if you will, and had no regards for anyone's feelings, even his own, though his egoism made him think so highly of himself, showed that he was truly an insecure person(I could write down a post dedicated entirety of this character personality because the writing, the directing, and the acting added so much dimension to a character I'd otherwise find repulsive with no grain of redemption.) However; when you look at this dysfunctional and complex romantic relationship between Marcela and Armando you begin to see why the relationship is so terrible and it isn't soley based on his cheating.

Again, Marcela is playing this act of being an understanding and easy going girlfriend in front of Patricia Fernandez, the model, she lets Armando's erratic behavior slide and even behaves when he hangs up on her, instead of calling him multiple times and yelling at him. When her bestie Patty tries to instigate her, her sister Beatriz tries to calm her by saying 'Maybe something did happen and we're not leaving this apartment 'til he shows up' but this entire time we see a compose and calm Marcela, something we all know is not like her. Now, she had spoken to Armando before that scene, where she told him she could go get him and for a brief moment Armando agrees, seeming a bit reluctant at first but he agrees to receive her help, then Daniel and Beatriz show up and he finds out and decided he no longer wants her help.

Who does he call?

Betty.

Betty agrees to go get him on his terms, whereas Marcela said she was taking her siblings with her, or otherwise they'd stay in his apartment(he didn't want them there in the first place). Even when they find him and Betty freaks out, she doesn't judge him. Instead she tells him that she understands not to ask questions and that his secret was safe with her, even though she doesn't get what's going on. Had Marcela reacted the same way?

I want to mention this now, before when Armando had to go to the gay bar to apologize to Hugo he said he felt like he had lost a part of himself, he felt vulnerable (Something we know that dude doesn't ever do) and Marcela's go to, instead of listening to him or truly paying attention to him was simply saying she was going to remind him that he was a man and bam seggsy time.

Now back to this episode, Betty goes to pick him up, he explains what happened, Betty asked one question and once he answered her back the conversation regarding that is let go of. They then go to Eco Moda, cops show up, Betty laughs once the cops leave and Armando, after his hellish night, finally laughs at the situation. In a night he himself calls hell, Betty helps bring some sort of comfort and brightness to it.

Later at her house Armando hears Don Hermes express himself regarding the way he treats Betty(Now lets scratch the tape here and rewind just a few scenes before; Armando seemed annoyed at being in Betty's home, once she left the room we see him roll his eyes once he sees where he is, which shows just how stuck up that foo' is and he could catch these hands.) and cut to the scene of Armando leaving her house in Don Hermes's clothes and he asks her if he was truly awful. Now the interesting part of this is that first he asked if he mistreats her, to which she answers back no, he looks truly sadden and disturbed with the idea when asking that that he could be mistreating her. He then mentions that her dad has a bad impression of the company, then he proceeds to say that he had a bad impression of him, indicating that he cares about his image and the way her dad thinks of him. Betty tells him that he doesn't need to worry and that her dad won't beat him up, to ignore him and he then asks her "Is it really that awful to work for us? Is it a nightmare to work for me?" once more showing us, unlike before, that he isn't soley preoccupied with the company, but he actually cares about what Betty thinks of him and the way he treats her as he later says that he'll work on yelling less at her. This entire time Betty is a trooper, as always, she listens to him, tries to reassure him, doesn't judge, and helps him deal with what ever it is he's dealing with.

This leads to Armando showing up to the apartment, Marcela goes to greet him and then takes notice to what he's wearing and instantly a judge-y look falls upon her face.

You can tell by his body language that he feels embarrassed, warned out and frustrated but Marcela goes to the room instead of paying attention to his body language and his reaction she goes to question him. To add to this she is instantly irritated at him and in the room goes to tell him "Do you have any idea how much embarrassment you've made me go through? in front of everyone?" tell me that doesn't sound abusive, I'll wait.

She then goes to name everyone in the apartment and that he knew exactly who was there, how could he be so selfish as to go to his own apartment, dressed in clothes he borrowed from his assistant's dad because he had to go settle a bet he made so Hugo wouldn't quite the company, therefore hurt the company they all love? How dare he do that to her? Marcela goes to tell him "You better think of something good to tell me!" and his facial expression the entire time is dead. He looks done but when he speaks to her, as he has his back to her, his voice sounds kind, though his facial expression looks dead. He replied "Nothing my love... I dressed up in drag" she doesn't believe him and he tells her the whole truth. He even admits that his biggest mistake that night was not being honest with her from the get go and she goes to sniff him, then shoves him away from her.

This is where Marcela shows her true colors. In the eyes of the public she is the poor girlfriend who forgives her cheating boyfriend who is always yelling but behind close doors with just Armando she is emotionally abusive to him.

People often justify her behavior because Armando is a cheater, there fore hey no harm no foul. However no matter what his actions are she is emotionally abusive towards him. In this instance the problem wasn't him cheating or running off. He was truthful to her about his whereabouts and took responsibility for his mistakes but Marcela's behavior is still wrong. She makes his embarrassment about her, daring to insinuate that he's selfish in that instant for causing her to look bad in front of her guest. Not once thinking about how he could have felt, she's supposed to be the one that is in love in the relationship. She's supposed to be the one that picks up on the cues and cares about him because he's supposed to be the jerk who is selfish at all times and disregards her and thinks of her as just an object to screw at night, right?

Remember how I mentioned the night Armando went to the gay bar?

In this breakdown of this scene I want you to remember that incident.

Marcela, in a loving voice asks him "I don't understand why you couldn't tell me something so dumb?" she is using emotional manipulation here because in the bedroom her tone hadn't been that. It had been angry. What she truly wants is for Armando to confess some wrong doing, something to give her an excuse to act out. However Armando is honest with her once more and tells her that to him that wasn't dumb but had been an entreat(in Spanish the word used "Suplicio" interprets that it had been a deep inner begging for it to end, osea, it had been suffering.) Marcela seems truly concentrated and caring to what he is saying. She does after all care for him. He is being communicative and opening his feelings up to her, something he didn't do with Betty and this is where once again Marcela makes it about herself.

I'm not saying she didn't have a right to but if your S.O is opening up their feelings about something that just happened to them and how deeply it affected them, going as far as to say "you have to understand me" and then you say "and you had to go to someone else?" this turns to focus away from the person who is being vulnerable and turns it towards you, what would you call that? Trying to find fault in someone's feelings and invalidating them by dismissing them and making their reaction a personal attack against you and your relationship is abusive one way or another. She wasn't looking to comfort him, she wasn't looking to show she was truly the one he could count on. She was trying to justify her actions, trying to justify that she has a right to behave and react the way she does because he lied and didn't call her so she could aid him. His body language then proceeds to shift from being the one that was being vulnerable to then having to defend himself.

She warns really, though it reads as she is asking him, to not involve Betty in his personal life. That Betty is only supposed to be part of the company's time. He sits standoff-ish, a nervous tick of him that I've noticed is that he often bites his thumb nail when feeling nervous(duh) he then stands up and stares at her for a brief second before letting out a sigh and hugging her and agreeing.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone that just makes you feel so emotionally frustrated that instead of talking it out you just sigh and agree with them? You set aside your own experience and emotions because you're just tired of having to defend your feelings? So you bend their way in hopes it ends the discussion?

Yeah Armando feels that deeply.

This isn't the last of these scenes. Often their dynamic of a dysfunctional relationship, toxic relationship if you will, is seen more focused when Armando is yelling at her or cheating on her. The subtle ways Marcela is abusive is often seen as a "Poor Morch she is just trying to be in his life" you don't try and be in someone's life by making it all about you, invalidating their experiences, not taking no when they say they're not in the mood(often even before Betty and him got involved when he'd say no to her she'd kiss him and wouldn't stop until he finally gave in.) and then threatening that you'll destroy them if they leave you.

Once again the acting, the directing, and the writing itself tell us a very hard telling truth. In relationships, often when they are toxic on both ends, it isn't always one person who is the instigator. Often they shift. One moment someone is being reactive to the abuse, the next the other is being abusive. However this sets the domino effect we later see with Armando and Marcela always at each other's throats, especially the day of the new collection launch, when Armando finds out about Betty's platonic love.

You can compare both of these relationships and their S.O. While in one the S.O is always making it all about themselves, the other is allowing the other to be the main focus(Betty deserved better than the beginning steps of her romance with Armando(once again I can go off on this character and their behavior in great detail lol)). Armando was never the main focus or really any focus of his relationship with Marcela. It was always about her and his parents. While with Betty, even in this episode, we see them both dealing with it. In the company and now for the first time in a setting outside of the company, Armando isn't facing something on his own or going through the motions of something for the sake of everyone but he is very much present.

I really don't know if any of this makes any sense. I think it plays out the dynamic of the relationship and what's to come of it very well. It also highlights Marcela's toxic behavior and abuse as well and why Armando seemed so unhappy by the point that he accepted to romance Betty.

To add to this; This is all just days or weeks apart from the day the plan to make Betty fall in love with him to secure the company is created. The change between Marcela and Armando has been slow but it comes to an exploding halt by then.

Marcela's behavior is abusive. You cannot look at it any other way but that. She is possessive, jealous, emotionally manipulative, sexually manipulative, and over all views Armando as an object that belongs to her. When he bends her way her love is unconditional and she's happy. The correct term is that she is in the honeymoon stages. If your S.O is so afraid of making any mistake due to your reaction; IT'S ABUSE. You're an abusive person. She isn't physically abusive or sexually abusive towards him but she is verbally and emotionally abusive towards him.

We often see him have a tone that is kind and loving while his entire body and facial expression shows the contrary. It shows a man afraid to speak his mind.

Yes he yells at her, he cheats on her, and he isn't the greatest boyfriend. He tells her that he'll do her the favor of marrying her, that he'll end their relationship if she tells his parents the true state of the company. He manipulates her, he is a gran manipulator. He isn't the best but what makes him different from Marcela? That he takes accountability for it. He feels an immense guilt for lying to her and cheating, not only sexually on her with Betty, but emotionally and mentally. He carries that load while Marcela not once has ever show guilt, remorse, or accountability for her abuse.

While one shows to have some form of redemption the other still believes and tries to justify their behavior. Often she is looking for things to be upset about regarding Armando. As if she just needs one small reason to throw every mistake in his face, to yell, to manipulate, and to be over-all a possessive, controlling, abusive girlfriend.

Now this doesn't mean Armando is innocent. There is a reason why their relationship is toxic because they're both abusive towards each other but I noticed that often times, when the subject isn't infidelities', Armando's abusive tendencies come from a reaction rather than the instigator. He is an instigator at times(he cheats for god's sake) but Armando's abuse is manipulation and gas lighting, which are bad too. Those are the moments he is the instigator, when he is being manipulative, gaslighting, or cheating, the rest are reactionary abusive tendencies towards Marcela, who feeds the cycle of toxicity because due to Armando's cheating and gaslighting she's a possessive control freak and the cycle feeds itself. They are both bad people, they are both at fault of the dysfunction in their relationship and they are both abusive towards each other. I think it's important to note why it is that Armando even began to have feelings for Betty as he himself said that their relationship was harmonic whereas what he had with Marcela was anything but that.

Now I'm not saying Armando is the victime here. He is both the victimizer and the victime as well as Marcela.

Once I collect my thoughts to better express and breakdown scenes where Armando is the instigator in the abuse in his relationship with Marcela I'll make a post for it and I'll definitely make one about his abuse in his relationship with Betty.

But let me just say this, I don't hate Marcela. I actually like her, outside of her relationship with Armando and how vile and abusive she has been towards Betty from the get go, she shows to care about her employee's her siblings, and is companionate towards others but I've seen one too many people always act like she was only a victim and never did any wrong. Her character is meant to be realistic which means she is no saint and neither are any of the characters in this novela.

'Til next time.

[flying-elliska]

Headcanons for ADHD characters Masterlist

I was asked for this a while ago and I feel this is a good discussion subject because the canon representation for ADHD is kind of abysmal and is often a caricature or a joke.

usual disclaimer, I'm not a therapist, this is not a diagnosis tool, just for fun, etc etc...basing this on my own experience/knowledge with ADHD and meeting a lot of ADHD people IRL. I'm going off the main symptoms first (inattention and/or hyperactivity, restlessness, impulsivity, problems with emotional/focus regulation, daydreaming, messiness, hyper-focus, fidgeting etc) and then looking at character traits that are not a necessary symptom but often associated (substance abuse and addiction, need to please, sensitivity to rejection, compassionate and creative, thrill seeking, very imaginative, charming and witty or withdrawn and shy or angry and irritable, whimsical and fun and a bit child-like, out of the box thinker, self esteem issues, unstable life, comorbidity with anxiety and depression, very intense feelings, functions better with adrenaline/in an emergency, disregard for rules and problems with authority OR extreme compliance, codependency, perceived as weird, clever in an atypical way, problems in school, extremely good at one specific thing, etc)

Also I found this list with actual canonical representation

BOOKS :

The 'fits to a T so I'm seeing it as my personal canon' list :

note : doesn't mean that the authors actually meant to create representation but it's very likely they at least got inspired by people who did have ADHD (even when the diagnosis itself did not exist) and explained it with 'it's just their personality' OR the story happens in a setting where the label doesn't exist as such. also not meant to be exhaustive.

- Helen Burns (from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë) One of Jane's school friends from the start of the novel, fits the inattentive type to a T : she can't seem to focus or learn her lessons, is constantly daydreaming, describes herself as messy and careless, forgets rules, and is easily distracted. She talks constantly about her own 'defective nature' and seems very sensitive to criticism but incapable of changing. She doesn't defend herself against the nuns' harsh punishments as she thinks she deserves them. She's presented as kind-hearted and compassionate, almost too good for this world, and hyperfocuses on her faith. Apparently sb even wrote an academic article on this. She dies so it's not super fun representation but it is interesting to see in an older book, to push back against the idea that ADHD was invented yesterday by Big Pharma lol.

- Grantaire (from Les Miserables, Victor Hugo) Part of the student revolutionary group Les Amis de l'ABC and resident skeptic, does not believe in the cause but is fixated on the group's idealistic leader (and yeah it sounds very gay, they die holding hands, there is a lot of Symbolism). He spends his time ranting about things that are only vaguely connected, is described as brilliant but incapable of sticking to any one profession or hobby, is an alcoholic, has a creative streak (was a painter at some point), likes wandering around the city, has massive self-esteem issues and is a general mess but does seem to care about his friends. This is not a very flattering portrayal as Grantaire is described as morally deficient but again, interesting in an old book. ADHD!Grantaire is a popular take in the modern fandom (i was in it before I was diagnosed it brought up a lot of Things) and it's very cathartic to see him get actual therapy in fic lmao.

- Luna Lovegood (from the Harry Potter series) JKR sucks but this is probably the most high profile case of a possible inattentive ADHD character so I didn't want to leave it out. She's a daydreamer, she is a big space cadet and seems to live in her own world, she has a very out of the ordinary sense of style, she's bullied for being weird, but she's also very kind and perceptive and cares a lot about her friends, and good at coming up with out of the box solutions. I wouldn't call it good representation, she's described as a wacko whom a lot of characters find cringeworthy but she's also pretty heroic, so. And she does seem to hyperfocus on magical creatures. Plus her father could also have it (and it runs in families).

- Jasper Fahey (from Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo) Part of a young group of thieves with a heart of gold, he's a charmer and a compulsive gambler who quits college and incurs debts so massive he stops talking to his father out of shame. He's also an extremely talented sharpshooter and the scenes where he describes how the whole world slows and the rush of adrenaline when he is shooting sound like hyperfocus to a T. He's a loyal friend but also quite dependent on Kaz, the leader of the group, to keep him in line. He's witty, messy and he likes danger. His boyfriend later in the series, Wylan, is dyslexic and the way they learn to accommodate each other's issues honestly makes them one of my favorite couples ever. I need to reread these books and I am so stoked for the series I hope they do Jasper justice.

- Julian Diaz (from Cemetary Boys, Aiden Thomas) Love interest of the book, introduced as the 'high school resident bad boy', energetic motormouth who can't sit still and actually very endearing, has issues in school and gets bored easily, main problem is that he's a ghost...sort of. The whole thing was very cute and I love that Julian's personality is described as fun and attractive instead of annoying (which is, if you haven't noticed already, a pattern).

- Evie O'Neill (from the Diviners series, Libba Bray) She's a flapper in 1920s New York who ran away from her boring little town to make a life for herself ; she's a party girl and an impulsive thrill-seeker who hates standing still and is always looking for excitement to 'fill the void'. She craves fame and attention and pretty things, she can be a loyal friend but is also frequently self-centered and forgetful, she's street smart, resourceful and very charming and witty. She's also grieving, drinks too much and is definitely depressed. She's obviously meant as an archetype of the era, caught between trauma and excess, but it does come over as very hyperactive ADHD as well. Her powers to read objects also really pinged me as a good metaphor for the ADHD tendency to be overwhelmed by details.

The 'bit more of a reach but there's a vibe' list :

- Emma Woodhouse (from Emma, Jane Austen) Frequently cited as a character with ADHD, I didn't come up with this one but she fits. She's daydreaming, easily bored, has flights of fancy and hyper-focuses on matchmaking, is a bit impulsive and thrill seeking, clever in an unconventional way, described as a bit immature, mix of caring and self-centered.

- Ronan Lynch (from the Raven Cycle, Maggie Stiefvater) Ronan just has Neuroatypical Vibes, even though it's not entirely clear what, and I've seen people label him all sorts of things which is very valid. As for ADHD, he's restless, impulsive, likes to Go Fast and do street racing, he has very strong emotions he doesn't know what to do with, and big self esteem issues esp. at the start, is very all or nothing with people, snarky, drops out of school to be a magic farmer, problems with authority, looks like a scary mean goth but is actually a big softie (but like, with a few people), pulls shit out of his dreams. Is kind of dependent on his best friend at the start too.

- Sherlock Holmes (from the eponymous series by Arthur Conan Doyle) Again a character who has been diagnosed with all sorts of things. The biggest ADHD vibe for me is 'my mind rebels at stagnation' and the way he needs drugs to function outside of the thrill of a case, and the way he hyper-focuses on information he needs to be a detective while completely ignoring common knowledge. Also sort of dependent on his best friend Watson and isn't great at social interactions. Doesn't care much about upholding social conventions either. The RDJ adaptation is the one that has the most ADHD vibes to me.

- Harley Quinn (DC Comics/Movies) Big codependency issues (that's arguably the thing she's most known for) and sadly people with ADHD are often prone to getting into abusive relationships. It depends on the story too but she's very energetic, zany, impulsive, she likes shiny things and bright clothes, she's fun and chaotic and likes to break the rules, she's a criminal but she does seem to have a heart, she's also frequently immature and rash, etc.

What are your headcanons ? I would love to hear if you have some so I can add them to the list. I'll make a TV/Movies list soon.

[1ddotdhq]

🍃Wed 18 Nov ‘20💌

The duality of Harry! Today we got snapback and jumper casual Harry promoting Choose Love- a store where you can buy supplies for refugees- but Don't Worry Darling (which filming looks to be starting back up today or tomorrow) he also appears in his Gucci episode today ready to piss off more conservatives with the Looks he's serving! He's wearing a pink and white tucked in jersey, short ripped jean shorts (not quite booty shorts, but definitely not in adherence to any high school dress code), tall socks and loafers (and how much do you think they paid him to not wear his vans?). In the still that Gucci released early today he's got one hip cocked sassily, his hand on the other, and a phone to his ear. He looks like the gay uncle you wish you had posing as an 80s romcom heroine, like seriously straight people on Mars' gaydar is going off, I'm at an actual loss as to how they could have made this picture scream any louder! But never mind the still, let’s talk about the movie! Thus far Gucci Fest has been an exploration of the constructs of gender and sexuality and the expressions of such - how the existence of some people (“monsters”, as the TV pundit says proudly in the first episode) is inherently political, and also beautiful in its dissidence. They've gone for an artsy, surrealist vibe, it's very atomspheric. I have also personally appreciated the language diversity - the first one was in Spanish, and the second one in Italian, and today’s in Italian and English. Today’s episode opens with a crowd of unmasked people crammed in a public place (post office) followed by a shot of the lead character Silvia writing “we breathe the same air”, a bit disconcerting in these times. Anyway, they see a whole cast of characters there, including the advertised 'elegant gentleman', who is chatting with Harry on the phone! He asks Harry (who appears as Harry Styles™) about art, and how one celebrates the joyful differences of humanity within it, and Harry, standing outside in a garden replying on a flip phone with the sun flaring into the camera replies, “I think when it comes to making art, it's about...finding the thing you've always wanted to see, or you've always wanted to listen to, that like has never been made. It's always like an uncomfortable moment, I think, when you find the thing. You know, you don't know if you love it or hate it, because you don't know what it is yet, but i think that's the most exciting place to work in, and that's true for all the fields you mentioned. I think you draw on things you've, you know, kind of experienced in the past because it's your only reference point.” This sounds like something we’ve heard from him (and Louis!) before, but this time it’s DIFFERENT because it’s ARTSY.

Oh, and also! The Crown’s Emma Corrin, who you may remember being introduced oh so casually as Harry's PLATONIC friend (not a weird thing to spell out in headlines at all, nooo) right around the time she got cast in that role, mentioned last night that Harry had dog sat for her dog Spencer one night, but that halfway through dinner she received a text from an alarmed Harry-- “He won't stop farting. Is this normal?" and that was the end of that potentially beautiful platonic relationship (Harry/Spencer that is). Funny how the resurgence of their names together in the media comes right as Harry’s Vogue cover drops and Emma’s tenure as Princess Diana starts - nope, definitely no promo going on there! Jimmy Fallon, who was interviewing her, thought the whole thing was very funny and cosplayed Harry in his Howard Stern outfit - the bright Cobalt Blue sweater, deep green pants, and pearl necklace, and even included the Louis Blue balloon that made it to the cover of Vogue. Bluegreeners, the lot of them!

Liam’s 3rd collaborative Hugo Collection is out today! Liam answered some questions about the it on their instagram stories: he loves the “disheveled” look that Hugo went with for this capsule, he’s loved to learn about sustainability in fashion, his favorite piece is the blue track suit, his favorite collection (so far!) has been #2, or #1?  (someone responsible for making this video to promote capsule *#3* is crying but don't worry, he loves “all of them!” They’re “my little design babies”), and his favorite Hugo outfit was a custom red suit. The new designs, as Liam mentions, are more casual than ones that we’ve seen in the past, consisting of a lot of athleisure in au natural shades of taupe and such. If you want to see more of Liam taking about his fashion collection, tune in to Hugo’s YouTube channel this sunday at 6:30 GMT, where Liam and “special guests” will be online for the premiere of “The Style Eye”. What is that? No clue, but let’s all find out together, shall we? And, Liam is also going to be a part of Global’s Make Noise Celebrity Giftmas, donating a personalized video from him. It seems like the winner will be picked in a raffle, and you donate to enter! The proceeds will be going into a COVID relief fund, so it’s all for a good cause, as it always is with Liam!

And Niall's gone public about being in LA: he was papped yesterday wearing blue Nike shorts, a white T shirt with some flower blossoms over the heart and cartoon naked people on the back, and a Modest Golf mask (Harry’s not the only one who does promo in his pap walks!). Modest Management published a piece praising his RAH show, saying “the first words he said to us when he came off stage on Saturday were 'let’s do that again!'. So, possibly.” We look forward to more, especially if it means we get to hear some of the new songs he's working on right now!

[everyonewasabird]

Brickclub 2.3.8 ‘Unpleasantness of putting up a pauper who might just be rich’

The Thenardiers really are society here in all it’s harshest aspects: the way they find ways to make the poor pay for being poor; the division between the children’s scorn for Cosette’s poverty and Cosette’s envy of their comforts; the way a rich man’s whims to have a child play are law and a poor man’s wish for the same is an absurd imposition. It’s all here in microcosm.

And once again, Valjean baffles society’s efforts at categorization.

I was struck last chapter by Cosette’s resilience and fearlessness in Valjean’s presence. This chapter, she’s cowering again, and we get a long description of the horror of her misery and fear. Once again it’s close to transforming her.

The expression in the eyes of this eight-year-old child was normally so forlorn and sometimes so tragic that it seemed, at certain moments, that she was in the process of turning into an idiot or a demon.

So far she’s staving off that transformation, as we saw in the woods, but it’s still encroaching. She needs to be out of here.

[Cut because this got long. Also, child abuse.]

I hadn’t previously caught how hard it is for Valjean to speak up on Cosette’s behalf. I’d pictured him in my memory as in control of this scene, and he’s actually only managing to bring himself to argue because of the harm about to be done to Cosette.

“Madame,” he said, smiling with an almost frightened look, “Bah! Let her play!”

Which makes perfect sense. This is society in microcosm, and it isn’t in him to outwardly rebel anymore--or even outwardly act like he deserves to be in society. Like Boulatruelle, his deference is suspicious.

Hugo doesn’t cast blame on the Thenardier girls. They’re just children, acting like children, and they’re lovely for it.

In the animal symbolism of the novel, Eponine’s play-acting sounds Significant.

“See, sister, this doll is more fun than the other one. It moves, it cries, it’s nice and warm. See, sister, let’s play with it. It will be my little girl. I’ll be a lady. I’ll come to see you and you’ll look at it. Little by little you’ll see its whiskers and you’ll get a shock. And then you’ll see its ears and then you’ll see its tail and you’ll get a shock. And you’ll say to me: ‘Oh, my God!’ And I’ll say to you: ‘Yes, Madame, that’s my little girl and she’s like that. Little girls are like that these days.’”

I never know exactly what to do with cats. They’re positive in this text, but what do they mean? I suppose they’re something that’s both harmless and not exactly tame like dogs are, capable of catching mice to fix God’s errors--a symbol of revolution--and capable, in a pinch, of transforming into lions. The people of Paris were cats in 1817 and presumably still are.

The child-that-is-secretly-a-cat also has, at least visually, some echoes of Little Red Riding Hood for me (”What big ears you have, Grandma!”) It’s a cat, not a wolf, but still. That story seems relevant to the story we’ve just come from, where our young werewolf child met a stranger in the woods and brought him home.

I just looked up whether Little Red Riding Hood would have been a cultural touchstone here, and of course it was--Perrault wrote it down in 1697.

Wikipedia also recorded this quote from Perrault about its moral:

From this story one learns that children, especially young lasses, pretty, courteous and well-bred, do very wrong to listen to strangers, And it is not an unheard thing if the Wolf is thereby provided with his dinner. I say Wolf, for all wolves are not of the same sort; there is one kind with an amenable disposition – neither noisy, nor hateful, nor angry, but tame, obliging and gentle, following the young maids in the streets, even into their homes. Alas! Who does not know that these gentle wolves are of all such creatures the most dangerous!

Little Red Riding Hood may not really be something the text has in mind right now, but that sure sounds relevant to what’s just happened. A littler girl went into the woods alone amid talk of wolves, met a stranger, and took him home. (It also applies well to Fantine, alas. But Valjean is a very different kind of gentled wolf.)

Hugo has some thoughts to share about women and I don’t like them at all. I’m skipping them, I don’t feel like fighting with Hugo right now.

Cosette “vaguely listening” and picking up “a few words here and there” as Mme Thenardier insults her and says her mother abandoned her is more heartbreaking than if she’d been listening intently. It gives a sense that either there’s nothing particularly new in these statements, or else Cosette doesn’t feel invested in them because they don’t contain the information that really matters to her, which is whether or not to expect imminent physical violence.

Or.... nope. I definitely read that wrong.

By “vaguely listening” Hugo meant “dissociating.”

Because the scene that follows is:

Meanwhile the drinkers, all three-quarters sozzled, were singing their dirty song again, jollier than ever. It was an off-colour story in very bad taste in which the Holy Virgin and the Infant Jesus both featured. Mother Thénardier had wandered off to join in the outburts of hilarity. Cosette, under the table, was watching the fire, which was reflected in her staring eyes; she had again begun to rock the sort of swaddled doll she had made, and while she rocked it, she sang in a low voice: “My mother is dead! My mother is dead! My mother is dead!”

The only versions of holy motherly love that have trickled down to her are corrupted into near unrecognizeability. Her eyes are full of flames, another hint of that demonic transformation under duress that she’s still skirting the edges of.

There are a couple of ways to read “my mother is dead.” I kind of suspect that Cosette, like last time transformation threatened, is grimly hanging on to her sense of herself and the dim bright side: her mother wasn’t a bad woman who abandoned her, the only reason she is isn’t here is because she’s dead. Cosette claimed to Valjean not to have a mother, but it’s clear she has complex feelings on the subject that she can’t articulate. These lines feel like such an act of faith, actually: It’s Cosette believing, against all evidence, that her mother’s love for her is real, that she would still come if she could.

And she follows that with an act of such courage and hope and defiance: she steals the doll and is enraptured by it for a quarter of an hour. She stays human. She isn’t beaten yet.

She must know she’s going to pay for this--but she would pay worse for giving up hope, too, or for giving in to the thing that’s trying to turn her demonic.

Fuck, she’s fighting so fucking hard. Valjean is beaten down by society’s expectations of him, but Cosette isn’t. Holy hell, I love her so much.

The retribution of society in the person of the Thenardiess rains down on her, of course. It says she sobs, which is one more way in which she isn’t Valjean in the bagne--she can still cry when she’s sad.

And Valjean is also near tears. We know he wept when he was being shackled fo the bagne the first time, and we know he hadn’t wept any time between then and the bishop’s mercy. I’m not sure we’ve seen him weep any time since.

There’s so MUCH in the fact that he’s watched all this happen. He was worse off than she was when he showed up here--beaten down, hopeless, almost like he was after leaving the bagne the first time.

We never hear directly what the bagne did to him the second time--but we can see it. And it’s a lot like what it did the first time.

And instead of being saved by the bishop, he’s being saved by Cosette. We watch him becoming a parent over the course of this chapter.

Cosette doesn’t touch the doll. Valjean puts the doll’s hand in hers.

And that thing about Cosette being irrepressible--as soon as someone is kind, she becomes a kid again, like she’s been waiting for it all along. Because, she probably has. Shoujo Cosette isn’t wrong about the way she seems to have been waiting all along for her mother to come for her.

“I’ll call her Catherine.” Oh, my heart. Unlike post-bagne Valjean, she’s so very ready to be saved.

Valjean after sitting still a long time rises up suddenly in a sentence structure that feels like his sudden decision making at the bishop’s. Once again, he looks down at sleeping people, this time on Cosette.

She left her shoe out, because she still believes the good fairy will come. And Valjean does come.

I didn’t expect this to feel like Valjean at the bishop’s, but it IS. The transformation Cosette is resisting is one he’s more or less suffered again.

She saves him the way the bishop did.

I love them.

[pseudomonacarriea]

"Hugo--! Get out of the kitchen already! And give that back!"

One would never have expected the woman with the title 'Devil of the Chrysanthemum' to currently look flustered beyond belief, much less be chasing a certain Hound around the kitchen. The man had the nerve to steal one of the trays she was still in the middle of filling up!

Attempting to swipe the tray back from his hold, unfortunately for the female AGE--Hugo was a good deal taller than Tessa, enough that he could very easily hold the damn thing above his head to prevent her from reaching it.

"For the love of--Would you just wait until later like everyone else?!"

Though she says that.... The vast majority of these chocolates, if not all of them, were intended for him the first place. Knowing that to be a fact, her cheeks are burning a bright red as she struggles to get back to work. Honestly, if it were Zeke anyone else, she would have decked them across the face by now and have been done with it.

"Don't make me hit you!"

Empty threat, but you know what? A headlock can also easily do the trick if he really doesn't feel cooperative.

Valentine's Day! -- Not Accepting -- @ardensfides

Holding the tray even higher than before, Hugo doesn't stop grinning at his fellow Hound. Every time she tried to get around him, he'd maneuver to the other side of the kitchen. Laughter can't help but bubble up as he watches her struggle to get the goods back.

"And if I don't want to?"

It's not often the Hound can get the Devil to during as red as fire. It's honestly too cute to pass up. So he holds the tray even higher, going as far as to get on his tippy-toes just to make her reach higher. None of this wasn't out of spite, but a bit of teasing couldn't hurt. Much.

"You can certainly try -- if you can catch me!"

As she continues to struggle, fingers brushing against the base of the pan the few times he lowered it to adjust himself, the Hound makes his way back across the way. Holding onto the pan tightly, he comes to a sliding stop -- and does the unthinkable. Fingers reach into the tray and pick one chocolate off of its resting place. Onyx eyes look it over, wanting to try it even more.

While he knew Tessa was an excellent baker. Her treats never fail to leave him unsatisfied.

"They look really good this year! Have you been practicing during downtime?"

However, the fellow Hound has something else in mind.

"Say 'ahh'."

He places a chocolate against her lips, pushing it into her mouth. He's truly not that mean. While patience may not be his strong suit, he isn't going to ruin the surprise for himself until she's done wrapping them. Well, mostly. As he pulls his fingers back, seeing a small amount of melted chocolate on them, he licks his fingers. Never breaking eye contact from her, either.

[incorrect-threehouses]

Blue lions name etymology:

Many of the blue lions' names have western European origins and have many connections to Gods, Saints and Christianity (perhaps because the Kingdom takes their religion and the crest system so seriously)

(side note, I updated the black eagles one, so check it out if you want!)

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd-

Dimitri: alternative spelling of Demetrius, "devoted to Demeter" (Greek Goddess of the harvest, caused winter after becoming depressed every time her daughter left for the underworld), which was a name given to many kings. Could also relate to the martyr Saint Demetrius, who was depicted wearing armour and holding a spear and died from multiple spear wounds.

Alexandre: "defender of men", also given to many kings

Blaiddyd: "wolf-lord", a legendary king of Briton who was known for encouraging necromancy. He was sent to Athens by his father to learn liberal arts, and the city he founded (Bath) was dedicated to Athena/Minerva, goddess of knowledge and war

Dedue Molinaro-

Dedue: could have origins in the Nubian god Dedun, god of incense and protector of dead Nubian rulers and their funerary rites, who was often depicted as a lion. It could also be related to the name Dudu, originating from Eduardo meaning "guardian of riches"

Molinaro: from the Italian word 'Molino' meaning "mill"

Felix Hugo Fraldarius-

Felix: "lucky, successful"

Hugo: "heart, mind, spirit", may have been chosen because of the link to Victor Hugo's 'Les Miserables' with the character Fantine

Fraldarius: The closest anyone can find is 'Fraldario' in Portuguese, meaning "diaper" 😬. If anyone can find something better PLEASE let me know

Ingrid Brandl Galatea-

Ingrid: from the old Norse 'Ingríðr' meaning "Ing is beautiful", Ing or Yngvi is an older name for the god Freyr, god of peace, fertility, rain and sunshine

Brandl: from the Germanic name 'Brando', derived from the element Brand meaning "sword" or "fire", and the crest of Daphnel is from the flame dragon

Galatea: "she who is milk-white" (comes from the myth of Pygmalion, who sculpted a statue of a woman, turned human by Aphrodite, but there were many Galateas in Greek mythology)

Sylvain Jose Gautier-

Sylvain: derived from Sylvanus, Roman god of the countrysides. He was also associated with Pan, god of the wild, shepherds and mountains, but also sex

Jose: Portuguese form of Joseph, "he will add", sometimes used as a feminine middle name

Gautier: French form of Walter, "ruler of the army"

Mercedes Von Martritz-

Mercedes: "mercies", from the Spanish name of the Virgin Mary, María de las Mercedes, "Mary of Mercies"

Martritz: the closest anyone can find is Martlet, meaning "little martin", martlet birds represent swiftness of travel or fighting on the battlefield and martin birds represent a connection to the divine and good luck

Annette Fantine Dominic-

Annette: diminutive of Anne, derived from Hebrew 'hannâ' meaning "grace, gracious"

Fantine: "free", "childlike" or "infant", a character in Les Miserables who was a beautiful and naive girl until she was forced into prostitution for her child

Dominic: from Latin Dominicus, meaning "of the lord", also the name of Saint Dominic, who was described as having reddish hair, beautiful eyes and a pleasingly resonant voice

Ashe Duran-

Ashe: "ash tree", also another spelling of Yoruba concept meaning "the power to make things happen and produce change"

Ubert: could be a variant of the surname Uber, meaning "active, busy, enterprising", or Ebert which comes from the German word for boar. This could also be another variation of Hubert, so as I said in the last post, "bright heart/mind". Ashe's Japanese surname, Duran, means "enduring"

[sergeant-donny-donowitz]

Finding Hugo: Hugo x Male!Reader

*Requested by @jiejie-eonni-onee-sama @owba-chan @war-obsessed @inglourious-imagines @tammykelly @struggling-bee @frozenhuntress67 @kwyloz @sodapop182 @marlenemarauders @what-the--curtains @taikawho @spookybearlandtaco  Let me know if you wanna be added to the IB or OUATIH taglists! :)

____________ ***Winter-1943***

You had been on the run for a year or so, ever since they took Hugo from you. Actually....it wasn't so simple. Hugo had been arrested, of course, for what made him infamous all over the western front: Killing 13 Gestapo officers. But that was just it... He'd only killed half of them. You killed the other half. You were a team, partners in crime. He loved you, and you had no doubts about it. The only problem was that he'd protect you even if it cost him his life. And that's what happened. He took a bullet for you, really. Literally, and figuratively. He took the blame for all 13 kills, and made sure you got away safely  by taking a bullet that was meant for you. By the time you realized he wasn't behind you, it was too late. But  ever since you heard he broke out of prison, you'd been looking for him. You were on the run, crossing Europe, trying to find him. You still had Hugo's knife with you. You never stopped using it. You had to if you were going to survive long enough to find him. Now, you had crossed over to Nazi-occupied France, losing your way, losing your head, and losing any remaining hope of finding Hugo.

***Meanwhile The basterds were carefully trudging through France, trying to get their shit together, really. It had been so long since they'd had a safe place to stay, running hot water, food other than stale sandwiches, which worst of all, were made by Aldo, who was a major fan of mayonaise. Which half the baterds hated. "And on top of that, it's fucking snowing!" Omar shivered, crossing his arms, clutching onto his thin sweater tightly, and clenching his teeth. "It's a...dusting." Donny looked up at the snow, which was now falling even more heavily. "We're also out of ammo. And...we've probably been spotted by way too many patrols by now. And-" Smitty tended to get more nervous the more he explained things, so Aldo cut him off, "Alright. So we're in a tight place. We been in hell, son. We'll damn sure be alright." As the sky dimmed, and the snow kept falling, they went up a steep, isolated slope in the countryside. Well, it seemed isolated. Until they saw a figure bounding down the hill. Aldo stretched out his arm, signaling the boys the stand down, in case it was just a civilian "Steady..." But in case it wasn't, each of them gripped a knife hidden in a pocket. Donny held on to his bat, of course. Hugo...well... His eyes went wide, and he couldn't believe them. "Y/n..." You froze. You were paranoid. You thought you'd been caught. But before you reached for your luger, you realized you knew that voice. It had been a lifetime since you heard him say your name.... But there it was, like a dream all over again. "Hugo!" You ran to him, wrapping your arms so tightly around him to convince yourself it wasn't a dream, that  it was real this time. He buried his face in your shoulder, his hand pressed against the back of your head as he tried to convince himself that it really was you. He took a deep breath, perhaps the only time he'd been able to really breathe since he last saw you. "Y/n..." You were frozen in time, until...well, you remember you were in France. "Now, this is touchin' n' all, but we got some real trouble, Hugo. You 'n your friend can catch up on our way to...anywhere but here, sergeant." Aldo chuckled, but signaled everyone to follow his lead to 'anywhere but here.' "Fuck a duck," Donny muttered. "We lost, lieutenant?" "We ain't lost if we don't know where we're goin, son." Aldo sighed, tired, wondering if they'd make it to the end of the week without any ammo, or clue of what to do. Wicki looked around, recognizing they were near the edge of France, not too far from Switzerland. "Gstaad." Hirschberg snorted, and laughed "We ain't takin' a vaction now, Wicki!" Wicki rolled his eyes, quickly explaining as he pushed ahead, up the slope, now taking lead "No. I know a place." "You know a place in Gstaad?" "My sister and her husband are MI6 agents. They run a small place in Gstaad, and help agents. If we can make it into Switzerland, we can make it there." Aldo stopped, "Well, that's one hell of a gamble." Hugo, for a moment, left your side. "What choice do we have?" Donny nodded, as he took a bite his last share of sandwiches. "He's got a point." And so, you were off, back up the slope, through the countryside in the dead of night. As you walked up, Hugo's hand brushed against yours, and you glanced at him with a smile warm enough to help him forget the sharp winter night. "So tell us 'bout your friend," Aldo was a little ahead of you. "This is Y/n. He used to work with me." Wicki nudged Hugo, as he had a bit of an inkling about the way you and Hugo glanced at each other, "By work you mean..." "Those 13 Gestapo officers? Half of them were his work." Hugo chuckled, though his eyes lingered on yours, with a wistful, soft smile. Sleepless endless days of secrecy and a gamble of a train ride later, you were there. It was night again, maybe nine o clock.  It was a nice little town, with towering snowy slopes, and an endless sky sprinkled with bright stars. You glanced at Hugo, and he looked down at his feet, with a shy smile. Maybe it would be a nicer place to be if you weren't being hunted. You laughed softly to yourself. You all followed Wicki, who was going off of his memory of a picture he received in a letter just before being drafted. "Here." He stood outside of an inviting wooden lodge, orange lights filtering out of a few windows, and a slow stream of smoke flowing from the fireplaces. He opened the door, and the rest of you followed. There was a man at the desk in the lobby, looking through some records. A little girl, maybe thrree or four years old. Wicki only recognized them from photographs. The man didn't look up. "Juste une minute, monsieur." "Just a minute, sir." He put the pen down and looked up. "Wilhelm?" He'd never had the honor of meeting his brother in law, but now was a good time as any. He turned back, calling "Eva!" Eva walked in, surprised to see her brother. Normally, only people with reservations were let in. And...the only ones who could make reservations were agents and spies working for the allies. Still, there was room for an exception. Especially this one. Still, Wicki's surprise family reunion was not the most eventful part of the night. Once the basterds ate, had a drink or two, showered, and were split into rooms, Aldo got down to business, poking around, speaking to a few agents who could hook the basterds up with some well needed and deserved guns and ammo. Wicki, of course, spent as much time as he could with his family. So he stayed in the room. His sister and brother-in-law, being MI6 agents, had some information to help the basterds. Wicki and Aldo started working on a plan and path back to France. Donny joined them soon after. Being the sergeant meant he had to be informed. The rest of the basterds rested up in their rooms. Still, this was Gstaad. When else would these boys have the chance to be in a place like this? They were surrounded by agents from all the allies, making this both the safest, and most dangerous place to be. But you and Hugo...it had been so long... Exploring the town  with the younger basterds sounded fun, but there were things more important to you. To both of you. You sat on the edge of Hugo's bed. He had never been a man of many words. But he never let you forget how much he loved you. Tonight was no different. He kissed you, trying to make up for all the lost time all at once. You'd showered and eaten, and warmed up a little. But that didn't erase the worries and questions in Hugo's restless mind. It also didn't erase the fact that you were covered in blood (both yours, and not yours) when you found him. "Wo warst du?" "Where've you been?" "I've just been looking for you," You paused, and smirked a little, "Mostly." You handed his knife back over to him. He sighed, smiling softly, resting his hand againast your cheek. He shook his head. He wanted you to keep it. "You found me." "I did," You smiled, annd kissed him again. "HEY HIRSCHBERG LET'S GO!" The door suddenly swung open, and both Omar and Utivich stumbled in, laughing, expecting to find Hirschberg. Hugo's eyes shot open, "GET OUT." "W....SORRY!" Omar and Utivich quickly shuffled out of the room blushing, but...that wasn't enough. Hugo glared at them with the knife in hand.   "Hugo," You put your hand on his shoulder trying to calm him down,  and he sighed. The boys looked terrified. You slipped your hand into his, though you were also scared.  "They said they were sorry, now-"

Hirschberg walked down the hall, pulling on his jacket, "ALRIGHT GODDAMNIT, WH-....what's uh..." He peeked through the door, "OH NICE!" Hugo was fuming, "GO AWAY." Now, the rest of the basterds rushed in, having heard the commotion, they thought there was trouble. Donny peered over the basterd's heads, "WHAT'S GOIN' ON?!" He saw you and Hugo and shrugged, "Aw fuck a duck." He took a breath and lowered his bat. "You uh...you three needa learn how to knock." He'd unfortunately had a similar run in. Hirschberg and Smitty had walked in on him and a...lady of the night...back in Paris once. They really needed to learn how to knock. Wicki stood there, and chuckled "Already, huh?" Hugo had told him about you, once.... Well...he mentioned you. But the way he said your name was enough to tip Wicki off about what was going on between you. He muttered through clenched teeth and impatient glares, "Gehen. Weg." 'Go. Away.' Aldo cleared his throat, "Alright, alright, everyone get the hell out." The basterds did as they were told, and just as Aldo closed the door, he peeked in "Hugo?" "What?" Normally, he was a little more formal, especially around his lieutenant. But right now...he was a little eager to be alone with you. "Way to go, boy." Aldo smirked and shut the door, and Hugo scowled. Still, he sighed, sitting down by you. He knew the basterds meant well. That was your very first night as a basterd. It was quite a welcome, but you wouldn't have had it any other way. The boys would become like your brothers, and Hugo remained your everything. That first, slightly embarrassing, night was something you all looked back on fondly and had a laugh about later. But to you and Hugo, it was just one page in a story of your own. Now that you'd found him, you were sure it would never end.

[adenei]

Finding My Way To You - Ch. 8

AO3 // FFN

Adjusting

“Mum, I really don’t think all of this is necessary..” Hermione said the following day. Her parents had both taken the day off to spend time with them, and Jean had whisked her daughter away for lunch and an afternoon of shopping. 

“What? Being able to spend time with my daughter? When’s the last time we went shopping together? Hermione, dear, you are desperately in need of some new clothes! Plus, I want to help you find something special for your date tonight,” Mrs. Granger smiled knowingly.

Hermione sighed. Her mother was right. The clothes she did have were ragged from being on the run for almost a year, and it was nice to be able to spend time with her again. This was the kind of thing she’d hoped to do with her mother before sixth year started, when she thought she and Ron may be on the verge of something then. Speaking of…

“Mum, what did Ron say to you last night to change your mind about things?” she asked again, hoping she’d crack on the fourth try.

They’d been out much longer than Hermione had expected, which made her nervous, but when they’d returned, Ron looked relieved and Mum had a smile on her face. Hermione looked at her dad for help in gathering an explanation, but he simply shrugged. Even Ron was tight lipped about the exchange last night. That annoyed her, and subsequently cut into their ‘getting to know you’ time she was hoping for.

What Ron did admit was what her mother was planning for tomorrow evening. “She called to make a reservation at some posh seafood restaurant for us tomorrow evening.”

“All four of us?” Hermione asked for clarification.

“No, just you and me. She wants us to go on a proper date. Said something about checking the cinemas, too, whatever that means. Would you be alright to join me for dinner tomorrow evening, say, around 6:30?” he said with a chuckle.

“I’d be delighted,” Hermione played along. “But I’m not sure I have anything to wear,” she frowned.

“Right, I forgot that bit. Your mum’s planning to be here around eleven tomorrow to take you to lunch and shopping.”

Hermione smiled at the recollection as she browsed the current boutique they were in. They already had several bags between them of new clothes for Hermione. Several new shirts and jumpers, a couple pairs of jeans, trousers and skirts, and even new undergarments, which Hermione had been resistant towards at first. She was secretly happy, though because when she was ready to take that step with Ron, she wanted something cute or sexy and not just plain old boring cotton. Her cheeks flushed at the thought of wanting to be ‘sexy’ for someone. 

She’d even caved and allowed her Mum to purchase a new swimsuit. It felt like ages since Hermione had worn one, not since their trip to France all those summers ago, and it took several choices (of both her own and others her mum tossed over the dressing room door) before Hermione had decided on a bright blue two piece with white polka dots. The top was modest enough with a twist front that had string ties in the back, and the bottom was somewhat high waisted, which made her feel more comfortable. Her mum had also picked up a couple beach towels and insisted Hermione buy flip flops, or thongs, as the Aussies called them. 

“The weather is supposed to be beautiful tomorrow. You and Ron absolutely need to experience a beach day, so you’ll be prepared!” 

Hermione couldn’t help but laugh. “Mum, are you trying to plan the rest of our stay here?”

“Of course not! I just want you both to experience everything we’ve grown to love about this little corner of the world. Plus, you both deserve a bit of a holiday after everything you’ve been through.”

“Thanks, Mum,” Hermione said, as she felt an overwhelming need to hug her mother right then and there.

Their last stop found Hermione the perfect dress for her date tonight. It was teal, and flowy with wide straps and a keyhole opening. A satin band gathered at the waist to provide some shape on her body, and the flowy skirt came to her mid thigh. It was the perfect balance of elegant, yet beachy, and her mum had found a wedge, peep toe sandal to finish off the look.

“Thank you again for all of this, Mum. Even after everything I did…”

“Hermione, you’ll always be our daughter, and I’ll always love you. I only want the best for you, and even though Ron’s made mistakes in my eyes, he’s certainly proved to me that he’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, and I respect that.”

“Sometimes I think I don’t deserve him.”

“It’s all about balance, my dear. Tell me, did you ever apologize to him about the canary incident?”

Hermione felt as though ice had been poured down her back at her mother’s words. She knew that she and Ron had gotten past the whole Lavender debacle, but thinking back on it, she realized that there never was an explicit apology for that.

“I- erm-” she stuttered.

“You really should. I raised you better than that.”

“You’re right. And I suppose I probably should apologize for attacking him when he came back as well..” she hesitantly admitted.

“Excuse me?” Her mother stopped on the sidewalk and looked at her. “I did not raise you to react with violence, young lady.”

“I know, I know! I just- I let my emotions get the best of me. I promise I’ll do better about keeping them in check.”

“I’m not the one you should be making that promise to, but I appreciate the intent.”

“You’re right.”

“Dare I ask what you did to that poor boy when he came back?”

“Umm, I used him as a punching bag, as Dad would say,” Hermione admitted.

“Oh, Hermione..I know you inherited my anger, but please don’t take it out on him like that.”

“I won’t. Not anymore.”

She knew it was wrong, and even though it wasn’t something she talked about often, she was ashamed of her actions. Pride and embarrassment had forced her to ignore bringing it up, but if they were going to start off their relationship properly, it needed to be discussed.

Hermione noticed her mum checking her watch. “We’ve got just enough time to get you cleaned up and ready for your date. I had your father bring a few items over to your flat when he went to pick up Ron.”

“Items? What do you mean?” Hermione asked curiously.

“Hair product and makeup, of course!”

“But-”

“No buts! We have an hour to get you ready before Ron’s due to pick you up.”

“He’s not already there?” Hermione was having trouble keeping up with her mum, both in walking speed and conversation.

“Heavens, no! It’s a proper date, remember? Now, let’s go!”

~o~

Ron was standing in the guest bedroom of the Granger’s home. He was looking in the wall mirror at his own reflection. His afternoon had been spent out with Hugo. He’d gotten a haircut at a local barber, found swim trunks for their ‘beach day’ tomorrow as Jean kept calling it, and an outfit for his date tonight. He was wearing a nice pair of trousers with camel colored dress shoes. His shirt was light blue with faint, thin pinstripe lines to give the illusion of texture. 

For the first time since Bill and Fleur’s wedding, he was proud of the way he looked. Mr. Granger had a knack for muggle style, and even though he was older, Ron trusted his judgement. He reminded himself of one of those business lads that flooded the sidewalks on the morning and evening commutes. He felt bad, and had tried to pay for the clothes himself, but Hugo had insisted. Mr. Granger had offered to purchase more for Ron when he caught him eyeing a new pair of trainers, and jeans that might actually fit his long legs, but Ron politely refused. 

“Ready to go?” Hugo called from the bottom of the stairs, drawing Ron out of his thoughts. 

He couldn’t wait to see Hermione. It’d been a long afternoon without her. Especially because he’d grown accustomed to being with her day in and day out. They made the short drive over to the flat, where Jean was waiting by the door. She held the door open for Ron as she wished them well for the night and reminded him of how to get to the restaurant, which was about five blocks away.

He watched them go and then bounded up the stairs. He was about to just walk into their shared flat, but paused and remembered that this was a date, so he knocked on the door. Ron barely had to wait for Hermione to open it.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but the sight of her in front of him made his jaw drop and he was pretty sure his heart stopped briefly. She was gorgeous. Her mum had no doubt helped her tame her wild curls, and it looked like she was wearing just enough makeup to accentuate her features. Not like the grams of it Lavender would plaster on her face every day. Her chocolate brown eyes were brought out by a light layer of deep purple, which were staring at him in much the same way he was looking at her, with adoration. And Merlin, that dress. She wasn’t one to wear dresses casually. Not that this was casual or anything, but he’d only really ever seen her in her school uniform or formal wear. He needed to say something to snap himself out of it before he lost his senses completely.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

“And you cut your hair,” she responded. “It suits you. You look really nice in muggle clothes.” Hermione smiled shyly at him. 

Ron smiled back at him as he rubbed his neck awkwardly. Why did this feel so weird? This was Hermione, his best friend. “Should we, er, get going? We’ve got a bit of a walk.”

Hermione nodded as she grabbed her purse and locked up. Ron held out his hand and she took it as they made their way down the sidewalk towards the restaurant. They were quiet for a while, until Hermione finally said, “Is it just me, or does this feel…”

“Weird?” Ron finished.

“Yes!” Hermione said through an exhale.

“Yeah...what’s wrong with us? We haven’t changed or anything,” Ron joked.

“I know,” Hermione said. He noticed her blush in the soft glow of the streetlight.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know, it’s just that- nevermind, it’s rubbish,” Hermione talked herself out of saying what she was thinking.

“No, tell me. Please?” Ron urged gently.

Hermione took a deep breath. “I guess I’m just worried I’m going to mess this up. I don’t want to do or say anything wrong,” she admitted.

“Me too,” Ron agreed. They walked another block or so, double checking street signs so they didn’t miss a turn.

“Do you think it’s like this for all couples who were friends first?” Hermione asked him.

“Er, yeah, could be. Never really thought about it, though.” Ron admitted.

“So, then, maybe we should just act like nothing’s really different. Let’s not put extra pressure on anything,” Hermione suggested.

Ron chuckled. “That works for me. I think this is it.” He pointed to a sign just up ahead.

They checked in at the hostess stand and were seated at a table on the edge of the main dining room. It felt more private than some of the other tables in the center of the room, and gave them a spectacular view of the ocean lit up by the moonlight.

As Ron began to look at the menu, he noticed the prices. It was expensive. They ordered their drinks from the server, and then they were alone again to look over the menu. 

“Er, Hermione,” Ron said, getting her attention. She peeked at him from over her menu. “I don’t know if I have enough to, er…”

He saw her eyebrows raise in understanding. “Don’t worry, Mum gave me her credit card. It’s taken care of.”

“But your parents have already done so much for us,” Ron protested. “And it’s our first, er second, date. I should pay..” That’s what a true gentleman did, wasn’t it?

“Please, it’s okay. They want to spoil us,” Hermione told him.

He sighed and gave in. It was either that or insist they leave, which could cause a scene and he didn’t want that either. “So then, what would you suggest for a meal?” he asked her, looking at the varieties of shellfish that he’d never had.

He ended up settling on a pasta dish that included a variety of seafood. Scallops, shrimp, and clams in a light wine and butter cream sauce. Hermione had chosen a salmon dish over risotto, and they’d split an appetizer of crab stuffed mushrooms. The meal was delicious, despite Hermione having to help guide him through eating so he wouldn’t accidentally consume any shells. 

They were browsing over the dessert menu as Hermione said, “Seafood always tastes better when it’s fresh, don’t you think?”

“I’m sure it does, not that I have much to compare it to. We’ll have to find a place when we’re back in England so I can see if there’s a difference.” 

His heart skipped a beat as he watched her face light up at his suggestion. “I’d like that.”

Their desserts came shortly after as they talked about what they wanted and needed to do when they got back to England. Ron had opted for a chocolate mousse cake, while Hermione chose creme brulee. She began picking at it about halfway through.

“Everything alright?” he asked her.

“Yes, of course! I’m just getting full, that’s all.” He could tell when she was lying because she didn’t make eye contact.

“Hermione…”

“I’m sorry about attacking you with the canaries sixth year,” she said through a grimace. “It was, um, brought to my attention that I never actually apologized about it.”

“That’s what was bothering you? It’s ancient history, Hermione, it’s fine.”

“See, you always say that, but it’s not. I can’t just physically hurt you when I’m angry at you. Like when I punched you after you came back to the hunt..”

“It’s...alright. I was a prat, too,” Ron tried to make her feel better.

“Yes, but you’ve never physically hurt me. I promise I won’t do that ever again. I’ll keep my emotions in check.” She met his eyes this time, indicating her sincerity.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Ron smiled. “Now, can we discuss something a bit more light hearted?” He suggested.

Hermione smiled gratefully as she took another bite of her dessert. “Did you want to go to the cinemas?” She checked her watch. “If we hurry, the one Mum suggested starts in twenty minutes just down the street.”

“I don’t know. As much as I’d like to experience it, I think I’d rather take a walk on the beach if you wanted to.”

“I like that idea so much better,” Hermione smiled. “Mum will forgive me for not following her plan completely, I’m sure. Besides, I’m sure some movie will be playing on the telly when we get back.”

“Brilliant!”

After they paid for their meal, they exited the restaurant and crossed the street to one of the many public entrances to the beach. They chose to walk along the water where the sand was a bit harder, and headed in the direction of their temporary flat. Hand in hand, they meandered along.

“The waves are so much calmer here than at Shell Cottage,” Ron remarked.

“That’s because the weather is much nicer. Every body of water can be rough and choppy or smooth with gentle waves,” Hermione explained.

He knew that, of course, but sometimes he loved to listen to her explain things. It had become a sort of comfort to him years ago. He just pretended it annoyed him to get under her skin. “Do you know how many times I hoped that we could experience something like this, but was convinced we’d be dead by the end?” he asked softly.

“I know. We nearly were...several times,” Hermione said.

“How’d we make it out? How’d we get so lucky. We shouldn't have..” Ron had to catch himself before he went into a spiral as he was reminded of who they’d lost. Fred, in particular.

“Don’t think like that,” Hermione said gently as she squeezed his hand. “We are still here, and you know he would want us to make the most of that.���

She somehow always knew what to say when it counted the most. Ron felt a rush of emotion flood over him. He loved her so much. His feet stopped right there, and he pulled Hermione back when she kept walking and was caught by her fully extended arm, their fingers still intertwined together. “You’re right. And I’m the luckiest bloke alive to have this chance with you.”

The setting was perfect. Sand beneath their feet, the moon and stars shining down on them, creating a soft glow of light, and the gentle crashing of waves close by. He pulled her close to him, bending down to kiss her. Ron felt her arms snake around his waist, while his own split duties. One hand cupped her face while the other snaked in her hair. 

He deepened the kiss and allowed himself to forget they were on the beach as he became lost in her. All he could feel was her, as he hesitantly grazed her bottom lip with his tongue. She opened her mouth further, granting him entry, as his tongue gently moved in and explored her mouth. She eagerly met his tongue with her own as Ron’s hands began to move down her body. 

He wanted more. Not that he wanted to rush things, but he was so overcome with want that it was hard to think straight. It took a car horn blaring from the streets to draw them back into reality. They reluctantly broke apart as he sought her eyes with his own.

“I think we should get back to the flat,” Hermione said breathily.

Ron simply nodded, not trusting his voice. They’d have plenty of time on the beach tomorrow.

[ollyarchive]

Olly Alexander Is Done With Shame

Like the character he plays in “It’s a Sin,” the actor and singer struggled with being gay. Now, he tells the world everything.

By Anna Leszkiewicz

Feb. 19, 2021Updated 9:22 a.m. ET

LONDON — When Olly Alexander burst into tears shooting a scene of “It’s a Sin,” no one was very surprised.

Making the show, which came to HBO Max on Thursday and follows a group of friends embracing the gay culture of ’80s London under the shadow of AIDS, was emotional for many of the cast and crew — and Alexander is as comfortable showing his vulnerabilities as the character he plays, Ritchie, is at deflecting them.

“I was a complete mess after the first take,” Alexander, 30, said in a recent video interview. “I was sobbing.” Peter Hoar, the director of “It’s a Sin,” paused filming.

The scene in question, which comes after Ritchie and his friends are arrested protesting the British government’s inaction on AIDS, is one of many in the show that explore how the epidemic devastated gay men’s lives.

When we meet Ritchie, he is an impishly confident but naïve 18-year-old who has just moved to London, with dreams of becoming an actor. Alexander also moved to the capital from rural England at 18 and scored his first movie role, but today he is better known as the lead singer of the band Years & Years. “It’s a Sin” is his first acting gig in six years.

Years & Years’s music often explores the relationship between desire and shame, and is heavily influenced by ’80s bands like Pet Shop Boys. (“It’s a Sin” takes its title from that group’s song of the same name.) So when Alexander heard Russell T Davies, the show’s creator, was interested in him for the lead role, the opportunity “made poetic sense,” Alexander said.

In an interview, Davies said the show was “cast gay as gay, which is my policy.” For Ritchie, he added, he wanted an out actor who already had a big profile in Britain. “That almost narrows it down to a field of one,” he said. “It was the simplest audition of my life.”

Alexander’s arch performance as Ritchie suggests that the character’s ambition and bravado are reactions to fear and self-loathing. “I realized straight away, ‘Oh, I know who Ritchie is,’” Alexander said. “He’s trying to get onstage and shine and dazzle: I’ve done that.”

But whereas Ritchie masks his vulnerabilities, Alexander has spoken frankly in interviews and onstage with the band about his experiences of bulimia, anxiety, self-harm and depression.

“I’ve said just everything about myself,” he said. “My life is kind of out there now.”

Alexander grew up in Gloucestershire, in western England, where his mother founded a local music festival. His father, an aspiring musician, worked in amusement parks.

It was a creative household, Alexander said, but his father had mental health problems and substance abuse issues that led to a difficult atmosphere at home. When he was 14, his parents separated; he’d only seen his father a handful of times since, he said.

School was an even more fraught environment, and Alexander experienced homophobic bullying from age 9. “I had long blond hair, and I acted quite feminine,” he said. “That made me a target. And kids can be so cruel.”

As Alexander recalled his younger self, he started to cry. It took many years until he could look back at the child he was with compassion, he said. “But that’s the biggest thing I’ve tried to do,” he added. The impact of his childhood is something he’s still processing in weekly therapy, he said.

When Alexander’s high school classmates went to college, he moved to East London and became a jobbing actor while babysitting and waiting tables. A pale, skinny teenager with a nest of tight curls, he landed roles as the tuberculosis-ridden younger brother of Ben Whishaw’s Keats in the film “Bright Star,” and an anguished drug user in Gaspar Noé’s trippy art movie “Enter the Void.”

Alexander had been living in London for a couple of years when he met his Years & Years bandmates, Mikey Goldsworthy and Emre Türkmen. Though they started out making high-minded, Radiohead-inspired electronic music, Alexander pushed the band toward synth-pop, with big, melodramatic choruses full of longing.

In 2015, the band’s exhilarating but anguished song “King” — about the strange thrill of being treated badly in a relationship — reached No. 1 on the British singles chart, and its debut album, “Communion,” topped the album charts, too.

“His songs are his life,” said the producer Mark Ralph, who has worked with Years & Years from the band’s earliest days “If you want to know what’s gone on in Olly’s life, then you just read all his lyrics.”

“Love takes its toll on me,” Alexander sings in “Sanctify,” a song about a secret liaison with a straight man. “And I won’t, and I won’t, and I won’t be ashamed.”

When the band performed the song at the Glastonbury Festival in 2016, soon after the shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Fla., a rainbow-clad Alexander told the crowd, “I’m here, I’m queer, and, yes, sometimes I’m afraid.” But, he added, “I am never ashamed, because I am proud of who I am.”

The speech caught the interest of TV producers, and, in 2017, he fronted a BBC documentary called “Olly Alexander: Growing Up Gay.” In it, he returns to his family home and leafs through teenage diaries full of references to bulimia and self-harm. On camera, he tells his mother about the bullying at school for the first time: Through tears, they discuss how it led him to mental health problems in his teenage years.

“It’s a lot to ask someone to bare their soul on national television,” said Vicki Cooper, the TV movie’s director. “But those difficult conversations created the best moments in the film.”

That documentary, and Alexander’s openness about his own mental health, mean he gets a lot of messages on social media from fans who are struggling themselves. He used to try to respond to them, he said, but the quantity has become impossible to keep up with.

Through those messages, though, Alexander had “seen a really emotionally vulnerable side to a lot of people,” he said. “That’s a precious thing, actually.”

Alexander had also been humbled by the positive response to “It’s a Sin” in Britain, he said. The show broke records for the streaming service All4, where it aired, with 6.5 million streams.

“It’s a Sin” first appeared on All4 during National H.I.V. Testing Week; on social media, the show’s cast encouraged viewers to get tested. The Terrence Higgins Trust, an H.I.V. nonprofit, said that the number of people taking tests through their service had almost quadrupled in the weeks afterward.

“People living with H.I.V. now can live normal, healthy lives: It’s so important to get that message out,” Alexander said, adding that treatments for the virus had transformed since the ’80s. “I’m really grateful that these conversations are happening, because, honestly, lots of people really didn’t know what was going on in this period of history. They’re shocked to learn about it now.”

That era is also having an influence on Alexander’s music. He is currently recording new material with Years & Years, inspired by the ’80s dance anthems of the “It’s a Sin” soundtrack and beyond: Donna Summer, New Order, Pet Shop Boys.

“During the pandemic, I wanted to listen to super upbeat club music that made me dance around,” he said. “I found myself wanting to create the fantasy and the energy that I haven’t necessarily been experiencing.”

As well as working on new music, Alexander said he had spent the lockdowns in England watching “Real Housewives” episodes, and playing Animal Crossing. “I used to be so, so driven,” he said, but now he was putting less pressure on himself.

He was happy, he added, to think back on what he’d already achieved, and how much has changed since he was a little boy who wished he wasn’t gay.

“I’ve kept a diary since I was 13 years old,” he said. “Sometimes I look at it and think I can tell this kid: ‘You’re going to do amazing things. You’re going to get to where you are now. It’s OK. You got this.’”

Hugo Yangüela contributed additional camera operating for photographs.