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hypogryffin · 11 months

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genuinely curious by what you mean by "jewish (factual)" in your tier list. i can assume for a couple what you mean (sophia as an example) but i dont see how the others could be like jewish-coded! interested in hearing your thoughts

link to the first post for claritys sake, but this is the tier in question:

ok so for clarification: i made the tier list a little while ago and then scheduled it for later to keep uploads consistent, something i usually do all the time but am not for this discussion for now. this means that by the day the tier list posted, i was already a few weeks or so divorced from the actual creation of it, so some of my opinions have changed (as i said in the og post, i was unsure on a good portion of the characters even when i first queued the list), and some of my reasonings behind placements have been lost to time and my silly little goldfish memory.

bc of this, as of now as im trying to find a distinct line between "jewish (factual)" and "jewish (based on vibes)", the criteria for "factual" is sort of murky. some placements in the category were serious, but a lot of them were also entirely for joking reasons, and i had moved on as soon as i was done laughing to myself without coming back to it.

all this is to say, i have no idea how to summarise it, so im going to explain everything i can remember about my thought process at the time so you can see where i was coming from.

SOPHIA:

yup 👍.

ok so for the uninformed, sophia is the name of a gnostic figure and the specifics change depending on the context of which ur referring to her in, but in judaism specifically sophia was given as a translated name for chokmah which is like a being thats like really important in kabbalah and considered like. this sort of i guess personification of divine wisdom?

anyways this is a concept that i doubt im anywhere near the first person to bring up, so im not gonna spend a lot of time on it like i will the things i havent heard other people talk about. like the whole "good friend of humanity" thing! judaism puts a lot of emphasis on kindness and care for other people and i think its important that thats so big for her character and for how jewish she can be read as. she is also jewish because i like her :^).

TATSUYA:

suffers endlessly because g-d hates *him*, specifically, and he hates g-d right back. jewish.

that was a joke. ok so right out the gate i think the whole "fighting hitler" aspect of IS should count for something during the discussion of which characters are jewish. like just putting that out there. anyways tatsuya is jewish because of eternal punishment. specifically, you know how hes like super into "atonement" and repentance? bro would really have benefited from going to a high holidays service lemme tell you. and he does it in a specific way thats like. his atonement is actively trying to repair what hes fixed right like hes not doing what hes doing to be redeemed, hes doing it because its his responsibility to fix whats been broken. i just idk how to explain it properly but thats a thought process your rabbi talks you through in jew school yknow?

also theres this thing called tikkun olam, which literally translates as "repairing the world". so it means more like. doing ur best as a citizen to improve community and country, or general social work. but just considering it as taking the literal translation, then its just like... yep. that sure is what hes doing isnt it

also, killed hitler. hashtag work

KATSUYA:

placed here mostly because being tatsuyas brother, theyd probably be at a similar "level" of religiosity. however there are some unique things i want to point out here;

katsuya like embodies the idea of "tzedek tzedek tirdof" like. its unfortunate hes a cop but for a cop hes a pretty good person? hes pretty uncompromising on right and wrong, and in a way that totally lines up w tzedek tzedek tirdof as its described in the torah.

extra emphasis on his compassion, as in theres like that core facet of judaism, the tikkun olam, where people have a moral obligation to help others; not just do good as oneself, but also stop other people from doing bad. that last bit doesnt really matter, cuz im bringing it up so i can talk about katsuya as a police officer to clear his dads name and try and ensure a better future for his brother. he gave up his dreams for them.

i mean, when i say "giving up his dreams", im kinda laughing to myself bc theres no way he ran it past his parents bc if he looked his jewish mother in the eye and said "i want to be a pastry chef" he would not make it out of the room alive. hed go "my dream is to become a pâtissier" and his mom would immediately be like "no its not its to be an accountant" and that would be the end of the discussion

also, i think he would make some of the best fucking challah in the world. hed make matzo ball soup that could make you jizz your pants just looking at it. look me in the eyes and tell me that he doesnt actually go nuts at rosh hashana when he gets to make the round challah with the raisins in it and stuff or whatever else. there is such a crystal clear vision in my mind of him rocking this apron my dad used to have that says "real men make latkes". it was pink and ugly as sin and i think it would be katsuyas most prized possession.

LABRYS:

her name is fucking labrys obviously shes a jewish lesbian. next.

/j i will actually talk about this. like not mentioning the only survivor of her upbringing, which isnt a one to one considering the death match portion of her backstory but still close enough to feel um. relavant to jewish culture. she acts very...stereotypically jewish?

its not entirely the accent, but it is...part of it. so like i know its like a new jersey accent and that the stereotype is new york, i guess? but im not american and i dont rlly know the difference. they look close enough to each other on a map tho so i think it counts

but also shes like kinda confrontational in a way i specifically associate with jewish people or jewish characters? like not really bitchy but argumentative right, shes got this really sarcastic or mocking sense of humour. and girl kvetches with the best of them.

(also, side note: since i made the original list, i found out that the voice actress for aegis in p3 reload, dawn m bennett, is actually jewish! if i were to remake the tier list, aegis would be moved up from "vibes" to "factual" because of this. mentioning that here because of the sister thing :).)

JOKER:

kills g-d which is the jewish dream. this is a another joke.

someone in the replies of the tier list said something abt a possible reason being that he has an "abrahamic figure" as his ult. persona, which could be a good point if satanael was actually an abrahamic figure! but it is not. like ok im not a history guy but satanael is a name used in the 2nd book of enoch, which arguably could be part of jewish "canon" (i know this is actually the term for it but fandom has rotted my brain and it sounds terminally online to use it in terms of real life religiosity) but most rabbis agree it like is not, and theyre kind of who im listening to on this, and quick google search says even in christianity, enoch is debatable? idk

so like satanael isnt in the torah. and if anyone says "oh its just like another name for satan so technically--" shut up i know. satan isnt real in the torah either. ok like "satan" is used as a term, but not as like the specific dude that like rules hell. hes just like at most a specific dude who is not a devil/cast from heaven or whatever, but instead is a lawyer. more often its a concept, something representative of like the urge to go against g-ds will or a kosher life, this "evil inclination" which everyone is born possessing and grapples with when trying to be a good person. NOT THE SAME AS THE CHRISTIAN SATAN. WHICH IS WHAT P5 WAS GOING FOR. SATAN IN JUDAISM IS NOT A "super demon lord" or whatever they call it in the text of the game

satanael isnt an abrahamic figure and i dont think satan is either cuz its so different between religions and honestly i think calling things abrahamic religions, at least w the context i hear of it, is like kind of a misnomer or just kind of generally misleading cuz judaism christianity and islam are all so different and if were talking about this i think whoever invented the term judeochristian should eat a sheet of glass for it because whenever i hear those terms its very clear the person saying it means just christianity but theyre trying to be inclusive without actually putting the work in and thats not the point of this.

ok if im honest, as i think abt it joker isnt like. really... super jewish, in a way that you can point out? its just like... this overall vibe im having trouble explaining which is probably also like super influenced by how much i like him. i want to say that this strict sense of right and wrong that remains uninfluenced by the rest of society is something that clearly creates or maybe just intensifies this like. empathy for other people that reminds me of this concept in judaism which i cant remember the hebrew name of rn but i think its most commonly translated to english as "lovingkindness", one word? or that the whole idea of the phantom thieves can be contributed to tikkun olam. but, on the other hand, even if lovingkindness is what i personally consider one of jokers core character traits, the other one is pure, blinding rage.

im not going to go super into it, because im a few years rusty of torah study bc its only really consistently done in my community for kids preparing for bnai mitzvah cuz of how few people we have in our congregation. but from what i remember, my interpretation of the exact limit between righteous and sinful anger is a bit more... lax than the average jew's, or at least the average rabbi's, meaning mine, lol. either way anger is almost always seen as sinful because its an emotion that can like. turn you from g-d, its the same thing that invokes that "evil inclination" we just talked abt. so, joker textually feels this rage that arsene, his other self, literally refers to as "sacrilegious", something that very clearly states that he is willing to *knowingly* commit sins for this rage and is perfectly capable of causing undue harm to others for it, which is exactly the reason why judaism warns of anger. this means jokers anger is distinctly against jewish teachings.

again, im really lax, my familys reform (/lh) and i think there are some parts of this characterisation that make me feel this rage is overall constructive, especially considering that is what feeds his constant practice of lovingkindness and tikkun olam, but it being such a huge facet of his personality (made worse bc as a silent protagonist, you really have to search to get away from this trait) brings him down on the Jew Scale(tm).

in short, now that im really discussing this id probably move him to incredibly jewish based on vibes or even to just "jewish" no further classification. but even w the undying sinful anger thing i cant not think of him as jewish and i dont think its just bc hes one of my favourite characters of all time.

also that hair texture looking really familiar is all🤔🤔. all im saying that is in the tutorial, instead of "frizzy hair", morgana deffo should have been calling them blondie and jewfro /j /j /j

EDIT AND JOKERS KITCHEN!! JOKERS KITCHEN!! FOOD AS A LOVE LANGUAGE!! IN P5 YOU MAKE FOOD FOR YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU PUT LOVE INTO IT

MORGANA:

i know i put morgana before joker in the tier but i think in order to rlly discuss morgana we needed joker first bc part of my reason for putting them in the same tier is because they really are a pair, do not separate.

anyways, morgana does have a lot of the same problems as joker when it comes to being difficult to pin down. his inclination to tikkun olam is similar, sort of even greater than jokers depending on personal characterisation of joker, but instead of this discrepancy of his jewishness being anger, the ethical conundrum with morgana is sort of. arrogance? like, i have trouble figuring out how to really put into words how i feel abt morganas "lovingkindness", because it is so hard to understand where hes at in terms of empathy?? like. fucking. idk hes definitely a very caring person but its not exactly like

ok i cant figure out how to say it moving on. i used the word arrogance even though i dont really think thats right, because morgana has never seemed haughty. his "arrogance" is really just him making up for an inferiority complex caused by the amnesia thing, its not as if he genuinely totally believes himself to be above the others. but like no matter what it stems from, the way he behaves and his personal pride hurts people. ie the okumura arc, or his entire relationship w ryuuji. he speaks ill of others, belittles them to bring himself up, etc. arrogance and excess pride is as condemned as anger in judaism if not moreso, since its even less useful/constructive to be "arrogant" than it is to be angry. OH ok so what i meant with the hard to figure out his empathy thing is this actually!! hes very caring and has a really notable respect for human life but its always at war with his need to prove himself, so even if when you think about it its like Oh Morgana Is A Really Caring Person, which makes sense because he was created from human desire and as such is really in touch with what people need, the desperation he has to be seen as "worthy" comes off as wanting to be seen as "above", even if it means trying to get the people around him as being considered "below" him.

tldr so if it was just those two traits i think id have to move morgana lower on the list, alongside joker.

HOWEVER. speaking directly to the other jews in the crowd, but morgana is totally textually a golem, right? like not exactly, obviously, but think about it. morganas a being of the velvet room because he was created from "the dregs of human hope" (canonical line from yaldaboath that i think about more than what can be considered healthy tbh), whose job is was and always will be to protect and guide the trickster and his community, the phantom thieves. hes a golem right? am i insane? am i seeing things? i dont care, im not giving up on this interpretation, so morgana is factually and canonically jewish cuz of it.

ZEN:

i do not remember.

as of today id probably move him to either jewish no other classification or not jewish. my b guys. anyways

JUN:

life is indescribable torment, and then hes also got additional, mostly unrelated, mommy issues. judaism 101.

also his suspenders when he was a kid are the most young jewish lad shit in the history of ever like i have seen that exact outfit on a young boy every time i go to temple, and each time it is a different kid

ok more seriously, i really do think juns story-- specifically his relationship with memory-- can easily be extracted into a jewish narrative. like nyarlathotep messed with his memories and convinced him that the other members of the masked circle killed maya right. and so the way he fanatically reminded himself of the past was a mix of trauma and active manipulation. but if i think abt it a certain way i also can see it as like. ok so in judaism memory is really important and like a lot of the time during for example passover, youre meant to refer to yourself as being a jew in egypt, saying "we" instead of "them" and such. but im specifically meaning how important memory/remembrance is in grieving. jun in his grief for mayas perceived death "kept her alive" in a way. she was never forgotten, and so she never died. even though the entire masked circle forgot, from trauma or fear or guilt or whatever, jun held on, remembering her, and so she survived. joker took peoples dreams but his actions also caused them to be completely be forgotten. they were alive, but they were robbed of their ability to be remembered at all, and so they were as good as dead even still breathing and talking.

retroactively, this idea enforces tatsuyas jewishness, considering the entire story of eternal punishment. he refused to forget the masked circle, even though it hurts.

anyways back to jun, i also think the whole repentance thing is important too. he hurt people in his anger and sorrow and spends the rest of his life (until the world is reset at least lol) atoning for his wrongdoings.

also, i know i said kid him is super jewish looking, but he has not gotten better as hes grown up. 17y.o him is exactly the guy your bubbe will pull up on facebook and be like "this is the grandson of my friend or whoever! you should go on a date with him, hes your age! he looks a bit gay but hes a very successful doctor! ...and hes JEWISH YAKNOW...." and ur like "ok bubbe"

ERIKO:

i actually do not recall exactly why she is in this tier specifically. the only thing i for sure remember was that i at least partially placed her here bc of her fascination with the occult.

HIKARI:

ok this one was kinda me goofing. its the whole extended family thing like whats more jewish than being actively discouraged from a creative career for something "safe" and "normal?" bro the aunt might as well have dropped the "being a doctor is very respectable" line in the song.

but like even without that, wanting to be a director or associated with film? hitting her with the jew beam. mazel tov babygirl.

#not art #asks & requests

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inchidentally · 9 months

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I am new to the Landoscar fandom but I adore their chemistry and the fics. I saw your post about how you’re a part of the fandom that actively protects the girls in their rl which is awesome because I didn’t even know what the Carlando fans had done. I’m so happy to hear this fandom seems a bit more mature than that. How can I join? I’d like to make like minded friends 😊

yes!! we love and support Lily here and the line between shipping landoscar as a couple vs as their real life relationship is extremely clear. a similar ship is George and Alex where both Lily and Carmen are beloved by the people who ship galex. it's so easy to not hate women, adore the two guys' real life friendship, and then ship them romantically for fun in non-public spaces. so so easy.

the larrying of car|ando breaks my heart a little bc that was my first F1 rpf ship and I also love their real life friendship - genuinely the Singapore race meant way more to me emotionally for Carlos having always been big protective brother to Lando than needing to put on ship goggles. no one rly knows why car|ando is the one that people have decided is "legit" esp when Daniel and Lando straight up did the gay baiting stuff and Max V is the only driver that Lando actively has an off-season engagement with (as well as a longer driver relationship than Carlos or Daniel). but there's no reasoning w people who use vile rampant misogyny against real life girlfriends as if that will someone make two guy friends suddenly get married or whatever.

but I will say that a lot of us who still ship car|ando aren't in the larry crowd and can distinguish reality from fiction so don't be too spooked off them <3

honestly as a relatively new blog myself I can tell you that everyone in landoscar fandom is extremely kind and welcoming! my walls of text have got to get tedious at times but if anyone's annoyed then they don't say and just scroll on by!

but a heads up that tumblr is a very tricky place for keeping up with people and content by the tags and dash alone so I would make sure to tag your posts very well and also just start sending in some asks to blogs! personally I try to systematically check mutuals blogs bc tumblr sometimes shoves a person's posts wayyyy down.

and this is a personal preference and I'm not sure if you're a fic writer but it's such a huge help with fic posts if there's a banner or even just a pic bc for some reason those show up on my dash more than text post only fic.

#inchreplies #landoscar

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ja3yun · 3 months

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Maybe I’m naive or maybe it’s the brain rot… but am I being completely delusional in thinking that tumblr is almost 99.999% a fan site that artists (especially kpop idols) do not engage with and probably don’t even have much regard for? Like this is a space for the chronically online. Most people don’t use any of their own personal information/faces/identifiers bc this is not a real place; it’s a black hole. That’s not to say that your work here is insignificant (it’s helped me a lot to escape from everyday anxiety and stress so thank you 🙏) but it's not like you or any other adult writer are writing these stories and then spamming them on Weverse or any other platform where the members are active.

I guess my point is that we the adults that engage in 18+ enhablr are minding our business and keeping the fantasies in fantasy land and then going to work in the real world. Like we do not know Enha for real. Some people apparently don't have jobs or lives, so they send hate to people online and act like they are personally offended on behalf of adult men they don't know and never will. It's giving desperate fan that thinks going to the airport to get an interaction is more sane than staying at home, kicking your feet, and giggling at imagining meeting and knowing the boys in real life (95% of the time as non-idols anyways which is another degree of separation).

I'm sorry for ranting. I'm just a huge believer that fanfic is a very safe and respectful way of engaging in fandom because we leave the real people out of it. We're not screaming inappropriate things and sexually harassing the boys to their faces, which happens way too often. We're engaging in community fan-to-fan which to me strengthens the fandom. There are things we talk about as Engenes that will never make it back to boys and thats okay. What makes fandom fun is not always the direct connection to the artist, it's the community we build because of them.

I hope you and the other amazing writers on this site know how important you are ❤️ thanks for taking your time to write and engage 💐

anon this is so!! you get it exactly. i think a lot of us post here because why tf would enha know this place exists? and its a safe place really bc if you want smut, you come here or go to ao3.

i think hate to writers is so petty bc it is the one form of media you can easily avoid? like to see smut you need to seek it out yknow? i never write in the general tags or post inappropriately, so for people to find my blog must mean they are looking for smthn 💀

hate comes w any platform, esp to creators of any kind so i kinda knew what i was signing up for. some of it kinda makes me go??? like im not making the boys out to be horrible or bullies like i try and write them as nice as i can so some of the hate saying i 'tarnish' their name is so false lmao

thank you anon, i'm sure every writer here appreciates the kind words and also, just the fact that you understand is enough for us

ilysm <33

#aj answers

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fractalkiss · 11 months

Text

fic commentary/notes for monsoon

the document title for this fic was "monsoon - aka angry, horny, tilted lance". i would have liked it to be "angry, slutty, tilted lance" but i don't think he comes across as too angry in the output which is fine, and the original concept i had for this fic involved a lance that was slutty. but that would require 3k more words which i knew i couldn't do in time for ms strulovic's birthday. i was a day late on posting anyway but we move ;_;

influences/inspiration (boring version):

i will actually not get into how i came to the socionics research and the psychoanalysis that happened using wikisocion dot net and sociotype dot com because that will take too long and i will sound crazier. TLDR; here are quotes from the intertype relationships page that made me start thinking:

“Quasi-identical partners are able to find common topics for conversation, understand each other to sufficient depth, but they remain perceptive of mutual "otherness" [...] Quasi-identical partner, as a rule, does not hurt your weakest spots. You do not feel a threat from him, but neither do you feel equality.”

"Activation partners who become close and discuss their strivings and personal worldviews often are struck by how radically different they are, despite the relative ease and benefit of communication. As opposed to duals, who tend to strive for the same things but from differing, though compatible angles, activation partners' approaches to achieving their goals tend to be fundamentally incompatible, due largely to the difference in rationality and irrationality.*"

*rationality and irrationality here are dichotomies used to measure a person's approach to certain things ie. "judging / perceiving" if we're talking mbti , thinking / feeling, and intuitive / sensing etc. (Yes socionics takes some of the same topology from mbti but uses more dichotomies alongside it so i really do nottttt want to get into it here bc i'm gonna sound more insane)

ANYWAY, activation partners came out more as the result when i was obsessively matching sociotypes i thought fitted my read of fernando and lance (ty to cofi's mutual who helped back up that fernando also leans towards introversion lol). i was talking to @strulovic abt activation and she also pointed out this could apply to lance and esteban's friendship due to their very different upbringing, which is interesting. i got quasi-identical once, which i thought wasn't wrong either imo, so i pasted it in my doc for reference. strulovic wanted to read something bittersweet and she wanted to read fic of lance in this terrible season of 2023 so i knew i had to deliver...

more inspiration (not so boring):

"Living Legend” was originally written and recorded around 2013 and is an ode to one of Lana’s long-time friend and mentor, Jane Powers. Lana thanked Jane directly in a Facebook post on July 31, 2013, announcing the song.

i got the title "monsoon" from the song living legend. i thought it was fitting with lance being a strong wet weather driver.

lyrics from colossus - idles:

They laugh at me when I run I waste away for fun I am my father's son His shadow weighs a tonne

i think this is self-explanatory. not to be me and reveal my tastes and roots in kp*p rpf but i've always liked writing about the ones who are unpopular (by fan consensus) and are misread a lot. all my years of pop idol rpf folding into that first scene about lance and his not attending the fanzones.

lyrics from jennifer's body - hole:

And I know it, I can't see it But I know it enough to believe it

To better you, to better me My bitter half has bitten me It's better than you, it's better than me

lance and the 2023 season basically.

some quotes from articles:

(x) 2016 article of an interview w lance

(x) article of lance in the ferrari academy

(x) from an interview with fernando

i think it personally can be a little bit clumsy to directly reference too many things in fic from canon and i try not to but firstable, i don't read much fic so i haven't read anything that might have already done this for lance.

second of all, as strulovic said, lance and fernando having met in that ferrari kart race in montreal is just fascinating in perspective. as what she said: "that's how they met in the first place of course, but also Fernando saying his one regret was not being able to win a championship with them [Ferrari], Lance being their first 'experiment' with how far they could mold a young talent into a championship-winning driver; one of the reasons Lance interests me so much is the nurture vs nature element in his career." sorry im just grabbing her fic comment from my inbox but i couldn't have put it better fjdlkgjdfkl.

which is why i really wanted to give weight in that scene when lance talks about his old journaling habit from the academy -> sucks fernando off for the first time lol.

re: writing lance's interactions with the older drivers/former teammates/almost-teammates (bottas); i think it's just funny how his dad thinks it's better for him. something something clearly it's made him how he is, and i guess i tried to explore that in relation to how he sees fernando as well.

i orphaned object permanence, which was the first lance pov fic i wrote, bc i wasn't satisfied with what i'd written, like.. it's hard to explain but some of it felt fundamentally wrong to ME, although i still am grateful for the comments i got on it! i'm more at peace with what i wrote this time.

#**

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seiwas · 1 year

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Sel, hiiiiii 🤍 hope you're having a lovely day!

I was wondering more about col couple and i'm curious what do lovebirds do together in their day to day lives now that both of them can be at peace after everything that has happened? Do you think they'd have mini versions of themselves sometime in the future? (Ignore this if it's something uncomfy for you ^^)

Anyhow, i keep going back to re-read them over and over, it's just so captivating and my favourite thing yet so i love you so so much for creating this, you're also such a lovely individual here !! 🤍😭

tina darling!!! hiiii 🥹 i’m so touched that you’re re-reading omg??? 😭 pls i am sending u cookies and love mails!!! thank u so much for reading!! and u always say i’m a lovely person, but i hope u know that u are too!!! 😭 i hope you’re having the most beautiful day as well ❣️

i’m so touched that u’re thinking abt the col couple, they’re on my mind all the time too 🤧, thank u for asking this!!! 🥹

hmmm what do they do in their day-to-day now that everything’s more settled…

sorcerer work is still there, although a lot less!! and they handle a lot more on the admin side of things now (which i vaguely mention in the collection i think!)

satoru’s trying really hard to be a better partner 🥹 (whatever ‘better’ means, he’s just whipped!!! wants reader to feel all that he feels for em 🥹) & reader doesn’t ask for it, but he does all the cheesy things!! anniversary plans, those date ideas you can find on tiktok or ig reels, and he searches the top 10 romantic places for a picnic but forgets to check the forecast so it rains that day 🥹🤧😭

he tries to vlog some of it too!! for the ~~memories (and lowkey for the clout…) and posts it on his socials!! (yuuji leaves the sweetest comment and megumi gives a thumbs down 🤧) & it booms for a while but reader starts getting hate from like… 13 year olds… (he becomes a social media heartthrob unfortunately 😔) so he takes it down 😭 (and also—he sees comments on how hot reader is, some of them kind of… 😳, and he’s jealous so. nope. for his eyes only from now on!)

reader spends a lot more time w the students, or former students now, really & reader likes picking up new hobbies all the time!! trying out new things!! so there’s a rotation of the people that join in 🥺 (pottery with megumi, cooking with inumaki, yoga with yuuji (gojo joins in…. 👀🤨), dance with nobara 😭 and more!!!)

and!!! they move in together 🥺 officially 🥺 and his office is now theirs, also officially 🥹

would you all be interested in me writing more pieces on stuff like this for ‘conversations on love’? 😳

talks of children, kids, parenting, etc. under the cut

i don’t mind talking abt them having kids at all!! but thank you for being so thoughtful tina 🥺

i do love me a good papa!gojo 🥺 and i think reader would make such a loving parent too 🥺 so i can totally see it happening with them!! but!!! i don’t think it’s a priority, or something they actively think about/plan to happen 🥺

there’s definitely a lot of reluctancy with it (on both ends actually) —given that they’ve had a bit of experience with megumi and tsumiki despite being kinda thrust into it back then— they’d be more careful and conscious about it now, that if they do decide on mini-me’s, they want to be sure they can be present, in a world that’s safe and right to raise their own children 🥺

sorry this got so long!! but i hope i answered all your questions 🥹

@stellamancer tagging u here bc col couple is urs as much as they r mine 💘

#sometimes i think that bc each main piece in the collection focuses on a specific theme #lil snippets and extra moments like this might feel out of place?#or uninteresting?#but!!! if you’d all like me to expound on moments like this i’d love to write it too 🥺#sorry this got so long!!!#i talked so much agAIN #I JUST LOVE TALKING ABT THEM PLS 🤧#col tag #aaaaaaaahhh #liishook #im so soft after this !!!!!!!#ask #rep #love mail #shotorus.feedback

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henriiiii-1001old · 8 months

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coming back/moving blogs

hey, been a while, hasn't it? i hope you're all doing well! this is my official coming-back-to-tumblr post, but it's a little different than i had originally planned.

i've decided it would be in my best interests to move blogs after a bit of thinking. i feel like coming back here would just feel too awkward for both me and you guys, especially with my now deleted drama post. i just wanna move on from all this bullshit, especially since i've had do deal with a lot of other shit, including college.

it's still @/evrydaygets-darkr, just moved to a different account. i still like the name, so i'm keeping it for now. this account will still be up for archival purposes, but it will never be active again. i hope you understand. (EDIT: changed to @henriiiii-1001 bc of shit that happened w ak recently. see this for more info and this for my official statement on it)

as a general life update, i'm done with my first semester of college!! it's been kinda fun so far! i've made a couple friends here and there, and classes (except for math) were super cool!!! i loved most of my professors, and i am honestly excited for the upcoming semester! ive been artblocked to hell and back though, so i don't have much in terms of new art or writing, but i've been trying my best to get out of it. i also gained a new hyperfixation, which is project sekai: colorful stage (abbreviated as pjsk), so i'll probably be posting abt that quite a bit (btw my fav group is wxs and my fav character is tsukasa :3 ), specifically abt stats and achievements w like song completions, maybe some pulls too!

im also gonna put a few updates on aus and oc stories rq:

for my tmc aus: the big ones i'm working on are getting new masterposts and infodumps for the new blog. i would rb posts from this blog to the new one, but due to some personal stuff i don't feel very comfortable doing that. i havent been able to cook much lore-wise for any of them, but i'll probably get back into the swing of things once i start interacting w you guys again. - for specifically father's duty: i'll hopefully have chapter 3 done soon. it's actually been almost done for a while now, i just need to think of the ending. thank you to those who've stuck with me this far <3 (EDIT: all my tmc aus are discontinued. read above for more info)

for murder files: i'm gonna change up the pacing a bit because i feel like i was going a bit too fast with it. i wanna take my time with it and make it feel as real as possible. it might take me a bit to get fully set up bc im probably gonna have to plan a few steps ahead, which i've barely done. i just need time to plan everything out and draw some shit

i will try to post as often as i can to get back into using tumblr like a true tumblrina (even though i see theyve made some more disgusting changes so yay </3 ), though it'll probably take some getting used to.

i really missed you guys. i'll see you on the flipside.

-henry/thatcher

#moving blogs

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emoweeb-the-simp · 2 years

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someone said yes to the tf2 post so fuck it we ball with

general merc relationships hcs!!!

(friendship & dating)

i'm trying to make this as gender neutral as possible. also no romance w pyro bcs i hc him as aroace :) s/o means significant other, but in this case, a petname for a gf, bf, etc!

Scout

() scout is the friend ever

() he has got your back!!!

() adhd icon

() maybe with enough convincing, you teach this man how to READ.

() ...& then he falls for you.

() he just sees you one day & is like "wait why are they cute now"

() he just starts joking about wanting to date like "yo what if we kissed lol" as a joke

() & YOU ACTUALLY KISS HIM.

() he's red now

() like

() redder than a cherry & tomato combined

() he makes it real obv that you both are dating, he means well though </3

() "GUESS WHO'S GOT A (s/o) NOW!!! SUCK IT!!"

() will stop if it makes you uncomfy or embarrassed :)

() huge on pda & petnames but they're corny petnames

() only problem is that he is easily jealous.

() "HEY! that's MY (s/o) pally, find ya own!"

() if some knucklehead even thinks of flirting with you, he will give them a very strongly worded speech about his s/o being his

() not to the point of being a yandere though, he will fight a dude for you but he won't (intentionally) kill someone!

Solly

(bear w me i'm not too good w soldier)

() this man. is autistic. i can confirm because i am autistic with adhd

() no convincing will change my mind

() ANYWAYS you are the most active person on the field other than scout

() & brave at that

() when this guy yelled at you, you kept a straight face

() no reaction or tears

() if you hate loud noises, he will be a lil more quiet to you after that :]

() also you became soldiers favorite person in the base bcs of that

() but the exercises are NOT easier but the only exception is that if you aren't really fit or you have a medical condition. he is NOT a monster.

() "MAGGOT!!!! JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER DOES NOT MEAN IT SHALL BE EASIER!!!"

() this man can GRILL

() he has some good grilling skills, but not cooking skills.

() solly slowly falls for you but doesn't even know it.

() & when he DOES realize it's love, he is IMMEDIATE to ask you

() "HEY CUPCAKE! DO YOU WANNA DATE ME?"

() you are VERY flustered

() but you return his feelings ofc & now when someone slightly insults or teases you, he will yell at them.

() "MY (s/o) IS NOT A BASTARD, YOU ARE!!! NOW DROP & GIVE US 20!"

() you are his chill pill. you're the only person who can calm him down

() like scout, he easily gets jealous.

() he thinks you're a blessing to 'murica & he NEVER says that to anyone so he means it <3

() he has a hidden soft side that you activate in him & it is the most adorable thing ever <333333

Pyro

(nonromantic btw)

() you became besties the day you understood him.

() he isn't really a bad guy :)

() he is roommates w engi.

() "ah, ya here to see pyro again? don't stress about it, hun, come on in." :)

() you LOVE drawing together

() he compliments everything you do & hypes you up!! :D

() MANCHILD

() despite being besties, he will NEVER. EVER. show what's under the mask.

() only engineer & medic know, & they will NOT tell you. >:(

() "sorry kid, i can't tell ya what's under the mask."

() "HAH! do you zhink I vould tell YOU?! not in a MILLION YEARS!!"

() you're one of the only people stopping him from "going into pyroland" (committing arson)

Engineer

(tw: amputation mention!! just one but STILL!!!)

() you show a heavy interest in scientific/engineering stuff

() so

() you attract him

() he shows you his gunslinger, short circuit, etc., & you're all impressed

() you then ask if he had no arm at birth so he made the lil hand attachments & he just goes "oh hahah yeah yeah..."

() he had it amputated by the medic turns out. he keeps it a secret between himself & the doctor to this day.

() he has

() the best

() cooking

() ever.

() like fr

() LET. HIM. COOK.

() when he falls for you, he immediately knows

() but he's been heartbroken before

() so, he just stares at you with loving eyes, daydreaming about a future life that may never happen...

() ...until py(b)ro does eventually make him confess because he learned from the doctor that compressing feelings is bad & it is big nono bad >:(

() he couldn't say no to that level of cuteness! so...

() he confesses to you via love song on his guitar

() ain't no way you're saying no to this. if you do, no you didn't you said yes shhhhhh

() every once in a while, he'll let you hold his gunslinger hand :')

() it's cold but also warm?????

() but fyi, he is a busy man

() you have to remind him to sleep or he will accidentally pull an all-nighter

() but his cuddles make up for it ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

() SOFTEST TUMMY EVER <33333333333333333

() you help each other with burnout ofc

Demoman

() you stole his last scrumpy

() oh boy was he PISSED at you

() you two both yelled at each other & it almost got physical

() ...

() then you two became best friends.

() like WHAT IN THE HELL?

() so now you both share drinks every night together <3

() which is how he fell for you

() you're tough, strong, & also a lil sassy!!

() he took a lil too many drinks one night &-

() "eruhhhhhh i think i love ye man..." & then proceeds to slur his words furthermore

() you're cuddling him when he wakes up & he almost has a heart attack

() but he doesn't leave your arms

() he snuggles closer to you <3

() this man is tied w engineer for the best cuddles imo they are TEDDY BEARS

() protects you at all costs

() oh btw his eyelander hates him being so lovey-dovey

() but you two will have small talk

() do not touch eyelander

() DO NOT TOUCH EYELANDER

() DO N O T TOUCH EYELANDER

() eyelander will be pissed & trying to attack you while demoman will worried

() not fun. 1/10. do not recommend

Heavy

() you were fluent in russian & english

() so you served to him as a translator for a bit

() he seemed intimidating

() one day you were doing your workout in the base & heavy noticed & was like " little person strong??"

() so you & him are gr8 friends now

() will give you a crumb of the sandvich

() that's it though

() you are always complementing sasha/sascha & apparently heavy can speak gun because heavy is saying that sasha/sascha says thanks :)

() idk if it's sasha or sascha i seen both so bear w me

() he eventually, like everyone else on this list, falls for you

() like engineer, he makes some sort of art with words for you

() unlike engineer though, it's a poem <3333333

() it's specifically in russian so no one but you or him can understand it

() became lovey lovey with him FAST

() he is the equivalent of a bear

() a lil intimidating at first

() but depending on who you are, he loves you <3

() will stop guys flirting w you UNINTENTIONALLY

() "hey sweetch- HOLY SHIT-" *running* () "hm? why..why was little boy running?"

() if he ever forgets a certain word in english, he comes to you :)

() lifts you up A LOT

() he means well by it

() if you tell him to not do that, he ofc will stop for you

Medic

() you didn't take his bullshittery. you were thinking:

() "MAN IF YOU DON'T CUT THAT SHIT OUT-"

() but instead of thinking it, you accidentally said it.

() oops.

() thankfully it was just you & him.

() you knew a thing or two about medical stuff so you two bonded!!!

() you, him & engi helped w experiments that either of you had!

() you also talked about random things

() he is secretly a softie & falls HARD for you

() like with engi, he's afraid to tell you because he's been heartbroken as well,

() but he does want to be alone with you more often than usual,

() so you figure him out & wait

() he does eventually confess, & was very relieved that you felt mutual with him

() yeah you two spend a lot of time together more, but ofc you still hang out w engi!!

() it wld be very rude to just leave him behind like that >:(

() although he will accidentally pull an all-nighter too if you forget to make him come to bed.

() calls you "mein Täubchen" or any other german petname he can think of

() you & his doves are close friends

() OH one time you & him were practically cuddling on his chair while he was working right, & then archimedes flew on down to your head & rested there

() you're sure it was to just get medics attention but medic LOVED it

() you were asleep though :(

Sniper

() loner

() you become friends after making sure he isn't being attacked by a spy

() you give him a warning sign that there lies a spy

() now he lies behind sniper

() "ey, thank ye for earlier"

() "ah no worries, i'm always glad to help!"

() you'll visit his van & chill

() doesn't even realize he's fell

() he just zones out on you a lot more.

() you confess first & he's like "wait that was the feeling?"

() he's never felt this way give him a break </3

() shy, at first

() he does branch out to you more

() takes you out on camping & maybe hunting dates if you're comfy with it :)

() keeps the relationship PRIVATE

() "ey look luv, as much as i love ya, if we share this with anyone, our careers are done for"

() means it in the best way though

Spy

() flirts with each other abound

() started as jokes, ended in actual love

() you eventually ask "hey are we actually dating?"

() he says "maybe, if you want to" to mess w you & flirt

() you SWOONED just by those words

() so you two are ALREADY dating

() you go FAST with him friendship & relationship wise

() by the second date, you two probably 👉👌

() of course, he is taking this relationship TO THE GRAVE.

() if ANY rumor were to get out about "spy has a (s/o)", he will deny it until EVERYONE is convinced.

() he loves you oh so much

() he TRULY means well & will protect you by any means necessary

() after he checks everywhere to be sure nobody is looking, he'll show you what's under the mask & tell you his real name

() the only rule with that is to call him by his name in private

() & ONLY in private

() outside, you two may never be alone

() he'll ramble to you about his life as you sleep on his chest <3

sorry it took a bit, school & life always kick my ass

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #scout tf2 #soldier tf2 #pyro tf2 #demoman tf2 #engineer tf2 #engi tf2 #heavy weapons guy #heavy tf2 #medic tf2 #sniper tf2 #spy tf2 #emoweeb actually has inspiration wow(emo writes)#THE SILLYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (tf2 tag)

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nogodsnomorales · 1 year

Text

hey im a man of many names but im gaz my pronouns are he/him, and im a guy with autism + ADHD. its like spidey sense but i am just autistic 👍

basic dni, proship/racist/bigot/pedo aka tiny dicked people fuck off. never interact w me. terfs and homophobics/lgbt-phobics dni, your opinion is forever irrelevant and insignificant. life is too short to "worry" about gay and trans people who are trying to exist. to others out there, you are loved.

dms are off but if u want to talk about anything or interests or etc you can reply to this post if u want ! im not super active here

-> if you have any questions or inquiries, then you may reply to this post. i can take time to respond, but i am never ignoring as that is not usually the case. it either depends on my energy (i have constant low energy), or not having gone on tumblr yet as i am inactive.

i am NOT active, i have a lot of issues irl. i will not make more content until further notice, i'm afraid!

also: if u noticed i unfollowed you, dw abt it bc its nothing personal /srs /gen. i get really frustrated with not seeing the kind of stuff that i want to see on my fyp and not the same posts that i've seen for the 100th time. i have unfollowed everyone that i was following to fix this issue so sooner or later i'll just refollow when i feel like it. obviously if we were mutuals on here then most likely u already have my discord and stuff, so if u do then don't take offense, seriously 🙏

my usernames were: godunforgiving, and riotspider.

do not re-post my art to a different site/platform/app. if sharing art posts through discord/etc, just directly linkback to the post.

#fyi

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rollercoasterwords · 2 years

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hey! I'm sorry if you've answered this/spoken about this before, and if so please just point me in the direction of your previous answer. but I recently had a trans friend who asked me to stop interacting with the wolfstar/marauders fandom. liking/reblogging posts and reading fanfics within the marauders fandom are the only way I interact with jkr/hp. I would not do anything to directly give her money, but my friend's argument is that every like and interaction with the fandom makes it more influential, which translates to more money. as well as not boycotting hp entirely is a slap in the face to trans people. so, I've stopped reblogging content because I don't want to negatively impact my friend or any other trans people, but I don't personally think I'm doing any harm through engaging with fanart/fanfic.

obviously you're engaged in the fandom, so I'm kinda looking to have my opinion validated... but I think you're very smart and that we share similar values, so I respect your thoughts and any advice you have for this situation. thank you <3

honestly anon if ur looking for like a nicely-wrapped post of "here's why it's okay to interact with harry potter fanfiction" then u have probably come to the wrong place, as this is a topic that i still have conflicted feelings about myself! but. if u want a little essay of my thoughts on the matter then here u go xx

so, first of all - yes, obviously i still interact with hp fandom. however, i'm not going to pretend that i don't understand your friend's point. i get the logic behind the argument that giving any attention to any sort of harry potter media in this day and age helps keep harry potter relevant, which contributes to jkr's influence, which is an influence she actively uses to hurt trans people. i understand why ur trans friend would feel hurt or ask u to stop interacting w hp media altogether.

however, trans people are not a monolith, and there are many trans people who continue to interact with hp in a variety of ways. for me, the space i've carved out in fandom over the past year or so has been a little online haven since i have to remain closeted irl for the most part. hp fanfic has been an important outlet for me to explore + express things abt my own trans identity. but i am also very aware that within the broader trans community, i am not one of those who is most vulnerable to jkr's rhetoric + politics. at the end of the day, there are trans people who don't care if you spend money on hp, there are trans people who don't care if u interact with fandom as long as u aren't spending money, there are trans people who think u shouldn't touch hp with a five-foot pole, and all manner of perspectives in between.

for me personally, there are caveats to my interaction with hp + the way i navigate the ethical minefield of jkr. i don't think there is any reason to ever financially contribute to hp, whether that's buying merch or games or going to hp themeparks or whatever, and i discourage people from interacting w hp within the context of any sort of profit economy. i try not to interact with hp in a way that will grow the popularity of the franchise in any way - i post fanfiction on ao3, where the people reading it are gonna be people who are already part of this space that are seeking it out, and i have this tumblr blog which is, essentially, the same deal. i'm not trying to advertise my fic or get people to suddenly develop a new interest in harry potter, if that makes sense. this is part of why tiktok remains a bit of an ethical quagmire for me, because i feel that the way people interact w fic on there often blurs the lines between being inside or outside of a profit economy.

i also think it's important, when interacting with hp in any way, to acknowledge jkr's influence and the inherent shittiness of the source material. i don't think it's enough to go "dobby wrote the books haha!" and act like we can just ignore jkr, bc her shitty politics are built into the book. i think it's important to engage critically and to consider how you're building off the source material and whether ur unintentionally perpetuating the biases in the text by copying and pasting them without further examination. i talk abt this more in this post

and, of course, i think it's important to vocally stand against jkr + her politics, and to support trans people within + outside of fandom spaces in whatever ways you can. i think it's important to stay educated + engage with theory + politics in a way that goes beyond retweeting posts or watching tiktok clips. jkr isn't just transphobic; her sexism, racism, classism, fatphobia, homophobia, ableism, antisemitism, and overall horrible neoliberal politics are very much built into the text of hp, and if u are not actively educating urself on these issues it's gonna be easier to just internalize them without realizing it.

for me, these are all considerations that affect the way i interact with hp + the extent to which i interact with hp. however, there are people out there who would probably tell me to get off my high horse + stop acting like there are more or less ~morally pure~ ways to interact with hp, bc at the end of the day there's no ethical consumption under capitalism and people writing hp fanfiction isn't really harmful in the grand scheme of things. there are other people who would tell me that it doesn't matter what mitigating factors i'm using to justify my hobby; any contribution that keeps people talking about hp keeps jkr relevant, and i should be able to find other shit to write about. and like....i understand the perspectives of both those people, y'know?

i honestly just think this is a decision where every individual needs to weigh the scales themselves and decide what they're okay with. it's not my job to police or justify the ways people do or don't interact w hp media; if someone's interacting with it in a way i don't like, then i block that person or just don't interact with them. if someone sees me interacting w hp fanfic + thinks that makes me a shitty person, then they can think that and we can go on living our separate lives. some trans people continue to find comfort + community in hp fandom spaces, other trans people feel deeply hurt by the continued existence of these spaces. there is no single answer to What Supports Everybody. your relationship with your friend is something specific to your situation that you'll need to take into account when weighing your own feelings about interacting with hp; the only advice i can really offer is that i think it's better to critically consider the various perspectives people have on this issue without reducing it to a black and white case of two sides where one must be right and one must be wrong.

#ask #ranting and raving

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hellsvestibule · 7 months

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People talk about how meme brain can poison people’s ability to interact with artists who post online but it’s also kind of endemic even to how people approach academic texts or classic literature at this point and it’s frustrating bc when the persons primary vantage point is already ironic detachment and dismissal, You look like the “pretentious” asshole for asking them to be more nuanced and considerate. Especially when we are talking something with cultural or subcultural significance to a group of people most of the people joking about it don’t belong to. And maybe on an individual level memes are harmless and genuinely funny, but when in greater numbers this constant dismissal starts to feel dreadful, to the point where you feel reflexive hostility towards the meme bc oh my God can we fucking talk about something else? Ever?

it’s not fun to be obsessed with something people meme on or even obsess over for a singular facet. Just bc it’s something vaguely understood in cultural consciousness people will joke about it as if they have equal authority on what its about as you, someone who has dedicated days or weeks of your time studying this in its entirety and like I can’t entirely blame you for wanting to be included and not necessarily understanding the full span of this thing or my knowledge of it but a lot of people are actively resistant to learning more, they are literally just here for the sense of intellectualism or trendiness being able to dismissively meme about an intellectual or cool thing brings them, which ultimately serves the purpose of trivializing something you really like or at least something you wanted to dedicate your time towards understanding in a deeper capacity, and which had cultural significance for its place and time for a reason. And it’s like. I don’t need you to be Like Me, I don’t think having a more involved perspective of everything is always necessary or productive for everyone, but gdi does it suck when people talk past you about something they’ve engaged with far less than you and even get irritated by you being genuinly knowledgeable and enthusiastic about it, letting you know they don’t care and in fact are actively hostile towards caring. They want to wave the flag that says “I read the most popular book in high school, I listened to the most popular song, I am vaguely aware this important thing exists ” and presume suddenly this gives them equal authority as someone who read all the books or has listened to the musicians entire discography.

And it’s equally frustrating knowing what it’s like to be on the other end and trying not to be that pretentious nerd who is always like, fuckin, loyalty testing randos and shitting on them for only reading one adaptation of the thing or only liking a musicians most popular songs. Bc sometimes you engage w the totality of something a genuinely pretentious nerd insists you have to engage with before you’re allowed to talk. only to be like yeah it’s really not worth it, I genuinely just like the most popular installment and wish you hadn’t wasted my time with all that lol.

A lot of it just amounts to getting annoyed at childish behavior often from young people who don’t know any better, and are insecure, and project this insecurity by alluding to having greater knowledge of something and then cutting it down.and it’s not even a clear cut line between genuine appreciation from a fan who just makes the joke from time to time, and someone whose entire perspective of this thing is A Joke

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knownbyanothername · 1 year

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liveblog (Currently liveblogging ultrakill!)

Freakazoid! Blog

writing blog (mostly for original characters)

playlist blog

nsfw blog

(generally i try to stay sfw here due to my writing also being geared towards minors but like occasionally i may rb something a lil 'suggestive' bc i don't want to be disrespectful by rbing it to my nsfw blog-- if anything ever toes a line please do tell me!! it's sincerely not my intent to be Weird)

tags r #pichu barks (personal), #pichu writing (well, writing, but more rbed from different blogs now), & #pichu snarl (for if i think a post has gone into vent territory)

I try to tag things as follows:

#I live here for stuff I'm into, #I don't even go here for stuff I'm not but think is Neat, #the funnies section for shitposts, #The fridge for pieces of art i like of all sorts, #picture frame for any neat aesthetic posts I like. #Bebes will be for any cute animal stuff. #a quarter in the jukebox is for tunes. #for the funniest clown and #angelic pss pss pss for two very special people in my life :), #rats nest is for stuff that reminds me of Me :-). #mutual my friend is for stuff i rb from mutuals (i try to tag this when i can!! sometimes i forget who my mutuals are). #feels goods is for, well, feel good posts-- stuff that makes you feel all nice looking at it. :) #wisdom is for posts i just think are really good advice/words. #add to the library is for texts/written works i like. #designed delicately is for designs i like a lot. #i like your words is for good analyses. #database updated is for nice facts! #author notes is for writing info since I'm writer and want tabs on all that. #for future reference is for refs in general. #resipes is for any recipes i wanna find again. #activities section is for any games/interactive stuff I think is Neat. Will add more as needed. also old posts on my blog/posts i've queued won't be tagged but after a certain point they should be tagged. sometimes i still won't tag things bc it's a Feeling yk.

Otherwise, feel free to ask me to tag other stuff-- I can't keep up w other people's tagging systems if I don't know them well enough.

General abt is i'm a lesbian who uses any pronouns, leaning towards he/him. Generally inclusionist.

Trying to get myself out there to socialize more-- granted most of all I'd prefer a discord server I could vibe in so if you wanna possibly invite me to one i'd be open to it (obviously healthily cautious), or if you wanna start a convo we can see if we hit it off-- apologies though if it falls off at all, sometimes people don't vibe.

Not about to give out my discord willy-nilly but if you DM me and you seem chill i'll give it out-- and probably like, make a discord server if anyone/enough people ask me for it. That's like, the happy medium to me of like, making a random discord server and just putting it out there all willy nilly nally.

i will also state in advance i am a tad more careful around minors due to having so many experiences where adults have disregarded their safety, but if we cross paths we cross paths.

Current projects:

(Note: most of my writing projects I'm planning on making enjoyable via their own merits-- so if you don't know the source material, if you'd like to check out my writing regardless, you can read them regardless! )

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troglobite · 2 years

Text

re: abandoning idea that you're special

currently trying to deal w this bc it was all so mundane.

but the way i've been treated…like it hurts MORE if i accept that the reason ppl treated me that way is just bc they're boring and mean, and i was a convenient target.

it hurts MORE if there's nothing for me to change abt myself and try and learn that way. it hurts MORE if my pain therefore doesn't matter to anyone.

like my therapist keeps saying this shit is PROTECTIVE, it's not just punishing myself, it's protecting myself from a reality that hurts worse and makes me mean less.

it doesn't HAVE to, but it's not easy or simple and it doesn't make me feel better, and given everything else going on i'm sort of just too tired rn to fully come to grips w this.

i don't think i'm special in a positive or negative way, just unique in a stupid way.

it's also really hard to accept if i have never met a single person w the same experience as me that makes me feel the most pathetic.

like not identical but there are a few things where i'm like, okay even ppl who say they relate still had xyz and i didn't. not trying to nitpick or be special, but it makes me feel worse when someone in THEORY is like I Get It! and then they v much don't in a way that makes me look more pathetic

here i'll be specific:

d/von pr/ce also just posted abt this

there was a lesbian who msged them and said early 20s, haven't ever been kissed, on a date, no one has expressed interest, what should they do? what's going on? is it just bc they've missed the flirting bc they're autistic?

and the response was stop being self-obsessed and pay attn to other ppl then pursue ppl and ask for what you want, don't be passive in your own experience of attraction, etc.

and i can't speak for that person, but

why would i ever do that when i have spent my entire life being ridiculed for existing and other ppl have thought it was a JOKE when i found someone attractive

idk abt that person, but for me it is very much not me being a PASSIVE PERSON or NOT PAYING ATTENTION to what i like or find interesting abt others

i am not self-obsessed (in the Make People Like Me way) to the point that i don't pay attention at all

piloting in conversations AT ALL is VERY DIFFICULT, and that INCLUDES just trying to learn abt someone

i'm just tired and angry. nothing i do has a good outcome. with people.

and it's not--my passivity or obsession w Being Likable (which arguably i have deliberately failed at multiple times in my life) that made me lonely or confused.

it was the hatred and bigotry of other people

and these two forces are always at war in my head

"stop telling me everything wrong w me and my life is my fault. it's not. stop acting like me taking a ~simple~ action will fix it, it won't. i'm trying my best and right now i'm so tired i'm just conserving energy and trying to even mentally and emotionally think abt and process everything that i haven't bothered REALLY thinking abt before."

and then also

"there must be something fucking wrong w me for so many ppl to so casually and mundanely HATE me. i must be bad at conversations. at people. i must be annoying. i must be doing something wrong. if i could just figure out what."

and then the advice is always

unmask!

stop worrying abt that!

take an active interest in people!

as if being unmasked and trying to be interested in people hasn't been LITERALLY THE INCITING INCIDENT FOR SO MUCH OF MY, again, very boring and mundane abuse.

so no, reaching out and taking an interest in people and asking for what i want isn't going to go well. it's also a pandemic and I CANNOT LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE so my options are LIMITED.

and no, unmasking is incredibly painful with very limited benefits.

i am a very precarious point in my life, and i can't imagine being MORE VISIBLY DISABLED is going to help me AT ALL.

and no, abandoning this idea that i'm "special" is not helpful and not possible at this moment.

that lesbian that reached out to DP is younger than me, and that is still the closest i've ever come to someone ACTUALLY relating to me on that front.

i have never been on a date. i am almost 29 years old. people consider that a RED FLAG abt me.

everything i listen to has ppl expressing surprised or amusement if someone hasn't had sex by a certain age, or kissed by a certain age.

or ppl saying "it's fine if you're a late bloomer lesbian, in my experience most of us don't care if it's you're first time with a woman"

how about first time, PERIOD? how about first relationship, PERIOD?

it's just this whole part of life that i've never been a part of and i WANT.

i was interested in boys in school. i DID pursue them. in the classically awkward but not overly creepy (as far as i can remember) way of young preteens and teens.

and it was never received well. it never went well.

i'm just tired.

i don't want platitudes "oh life will be better if you do xyz" or "tons of ppl share that experience, it isn't unique"

i want an actual person w the same experience to look me in the eye and say "yeah that happened to me, too. it was awful."

i pay so much attention to other people that i have fun fancy little categories for them all in my head. not in a mean or limiting way, but where i get to see them grouped w other ppl and i can see Patterns in humanity--what i've seen of humanity.

i think abt my friends & other ppl & their lives and appearances and experiences and what i like abt them or just thinking abt them and taking them in.

yes i pay attn to making myself as inoffensive as possible--but based on what i know abt those ppl. i couldn't do what i do if i wasn't paying attention to other ppl in a very close and important way. all i do is think abt and anticipate how others might feel. i try to be considerate. i try to frame my language in a way that's helpful or clear to them. i don't want to hurt them or show that i misunderstood them if i did--i want to make sure i understand them as much as i can.

conflict is a part of life, and in theory it's fine--the problem is that even productive conflict rarely ever goes well for me. even if i want to address it. even if i try and handle it REALLY well.

i'm just tired of responses that flatten out the REASONS why things go poorly, the REASONS these are the protective strategies and masking i've had to learn.

my "problem" is that i don't care if it hurts me. and that no one cares abt my hurt.

but i've had to pay close attention to others my whole life. i've had to do things to make life survivable. and i don't even have it that bad.

i'm in this stupid grey area where it's not that bad so i should just get over it.

then i get yelled at for comparing myself to others, when it's all i've been taught to do.

everything i do is wrong and my fault and i'm tired.

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darthnell · 1 year

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If you get this, answer w three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs! Anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog :)

Oh seven thats a lot huh ..

Okay. Im a lot of things !

im an astrophysicist (bachelors and masters, though im not doing either rn and i dont feel like doing phd).

Im a writer (points to this blog), i write thg fanfiction, but pretty au and mostly with either my ocs or my friends ocs. According to ao3 (i trust its wc way more than ffn lmao) ive written well over 400k for this series i have now, and i dont rly plan on stopping c: my current fic is 60 chapters rn and theres a few more left, but aside from that ive got a bunch of ideas in my head for more but thats not rly fun fact territory LMAO. I rly do love writing tho ♥️

Im an artist (points to blog again), lately ive only felt like drawing my protag character (lately as in the past few years lol). Im casually interested in animation too; ive got a handful of animations and gifs (v short) that im pretty proud of

Im somewhat proficient in french but please dont test me its been a while . I did do my masters over there tho.

I have a weenie dog, he is oldman and i love him c:

I live in the us rn. Thats not a fun fact thats a boring fact. Uhh it rained rly hard today though which was fun

Uhh.. i go thru phases with social media, kinda similar to how i do with fandoms (before thg it was star wars, etc). So im not super talkative on here aside from reblogging and writing in tags, posting my fics/art, or the rare ask/tag game (side note, if youve tagged me in one and iirc there are a few i did see and i am getting around to it.. someday). But i know i can get really sucked into social media activity very quickly so i try to limit myself when it comes to that bc generally i get more reward out of writing than.. scrolling.

Ohhh i misread this. Seven blogs three facts. Oh. Okay. Secret eights fun fact: i cant read /hj also im not deleting all that LMAO

#oops #ask #nell clownery here #writers on tumblr #? i Guess??

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aronarchy · 2 years

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in your opinion, what should an anarchist and post-carceral society do about dyed-in-the-wool wrongdoers who *will* make the active choice to hurt people *deliberately* regardless of the societal conditions or measures taken to prevent harm?

(i'm not meaning to sealion here, i am just genuinely thinking about this question myself)

not really sure what you’re counting under “measures”—for example, taking a measure such as “killing them” would, obviously, ensure they stop hurting people. other things like (hypothetically) “isolating them w/no resources & no way out” would, also, drastically reduce to likelihood of them hurting people—no matter how much they want to & are willing to, if they don’t have the physical means, they can’t

though, I’m not in favor of things like imprisonment, bc to be able to lock up & hold someone like that already means you have some degree of disproportionate power and other things built and set up in place, and also it would be way overkill causing vastly more harm than needed which is bad

I struggle to imagine a world without any more prisons, bc I’ve never lived in one & our entire lives are saturated w/prison culture, tho there are some pre-carceral societies you could study; & personally tho I find it easier to think abt these things thru “what can I do right now,” bc it’s already a similar issue—trying to stop harm (a lot of harm happens in my life even rn), but w/o carceral apparatuses (also knowing that those can’t really help us with anything and are the harm, in similar ways)—and really anything we would do once we get to something that could be called a “post-prison” point is already what we’re doing now—or trying to do, tho the carceral state tries to prevent those things

& a key point abt that is that “harm” (esp in the form of abusive relationships) tends to not really follow a “community is in a position to stop it while it’s happening” in the first place, bc of how the entire society has a culture of silence built into it, & how tons of factors go into making these situations hard to escape or resist. & also how communities tend to suck at handling abusers even after they find out (lots of victim-blaming, not understanding how this stuff works, not understanding the risk etc). so w/, like, close interpersonal violence I’m very focused on improving the ability for victims to use self-defense, to escape, to cut contact w/abusers & decreasing the consequences for that, & helping us retake control of our narratives and decreasing tolerance for abuse & abuse apologia in general

there are also people, for example, I might come across near spaces I orbit rn & who are obviously not safe to be around (determined bigots, harassers, abuse supporters, etc) and a lot of the time I’m not in a position to do anything about that directly, but I try to spread knowledge abt right-to-not-interact-with-people-you-dont-want-to (for example), and awareness of how bigots & abusers/supporters use platforms and positions of power to enact harm, and making it easier for ppl to fuck off from them if they’re being toxic (think antifascist tactics, but including how they're applied on a smaller scale—focusing on preventing fascists from building power, denying fascism a platform from which to promote itself, interrupting the problem in its tracks before it can escalate to assaults or state takeovers)

every situation of harm/victimization is different, every manipulative/exploitative/abusive person is different, the treatment each gets from surrounding communities is different—but in general (if these things can even be said to be generalizable) whatever they are using to be able to cause the harm, whatever’s preventing ppl from doing effective self-protection, etc etc take care of that (& no one size fits all ofc but if it’s, like, a person who targets ppl in certain types of communities for attacks then a great first step would be removing them from their projects and disassociating from them and informing other at risk communities abt them)

#ask #profiction-monika #proship-kai #ramble

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