#also i have a small collection of horse teeth

[nolivingunderstarlight]

In the universe of the Locked Tomb, I would be in the Sixth House

Situation 1: I am at work, stripping stalls. (For the non-horse people among us, that's when you fully empty all of the bedding and feed out, sweeping and scooping up every last speck, so the stall is ready to powerwash or disinfect or sit empty for a while or whatever.) I'm scooping old hay scraps and dust out of a feeder, when I find bones! I take a picture for my friends to look at and then hide them in the truck until lunch, when I can look at them properly. We discuss possible animal options, not convinced of any of them. At lunch, I have a better look: two long bones, connected at a joint with some of the small bones and limited ligaments remaining. The small bones in the joint are clearly the bones of the knee (or the human wrist) and the length of the bones mean I am either holding the radius and ulna of some kind of predator or the radius and metacarpal of some kind of herbivore. After some more examination, I realize it's the radius and metacarpal, as the distal tip of the ulna is still attached to the radius, but the head has fractured off, so I likely have most of a deer leg.

No, the horse did not eat a deer leg. Sometimes deer die in hay fields (or died in the past and happen to be brought to the surface as the hay grows) and their bones get baled up. This also happens with cow bones, when a field that was once for cows becomes a hay field. Also, sometimes snakes, birds, mice, and other small critters can get baled up.

Situation 2: we live in rural Nevada. Our across-the-street neighbors, ah... majorly fucked up a lot in the last 3 years, culminating in getting evicted in November. The owners of the property have come to begin demo on the property, which the tenants took from "old, worn, but serviceable" to "absolute pile of trash, house unlivable" in a few years. The owners are lovely folks and had us over to see the damages and to let us know we could take anything we thought was useful, since they're planning to just take everything away and start over. The one owner, after showing us around, mentioned finding some bones in an area that we pointed out was originally where the tenants had kept goats. I, of course, went "BONES! I'd love to see them!" so away we went. In a 20ft radius, we found:

a damaged skull

half of a lower jaw

neck vertebrae

probably lumbar vertebrae

sacral vertibrae

one rib

a part of a pelvis

most of a hind leg (half of the femur through the metacarpal)

It's definitely a goat, and telling the owner this really eased some of her tension. She was afraid it was a dog or something worse; based on the state of the property, they wouldn't have been shocked to find a human body. But no, just a goat. We assume the rest of the bones got scattered by the dogs. (I will be taking the bones to add to my collection of Found Animal Bones.)

[kaeyx]

Seeing the talk about cat boys and the few mentions of Atsushi being a regular catboy is crazy because that man is already a tiger catboy and everyone is sleeping on the concept of a feral little catboy. he’s only sweet in personality even if he never intents to be mean or scary. Like I think he’s have sharp claws and sandpaper tongue and sharp yellow eyes that make people weary to approach him even if he tries his hardest to play nice and hide them. He chuffs (tigers can’t purr) and full body rubs against you when he’s happy and content and wants to show you he loves you. He doesn’t need to do anything but bare his teeth and claws (barely even hisses, it’s that effective) at someone else when they make either of you uncomfortable or he gets jealous that they’re getting to close. They do say tigers are solitary animals so perhaps he is happy with just you and a few other dear ones in his life. He naps most of the time under the sun or under the bed (warm places) but he loses all fatigue when he hears the door open and sees you walk in after a long day. Sometimes he scares the shit out of you when you look into a dark hallways and see bright yellow eyes glowing the dark.

He hates wearing clothes cause he’s so much more sensitive and the clothes are itchy so you buy him very very soft and often sheer clothes that do little to hide his cute, fat little peach and thick thighs, soft nipples poking through the fabric and pretty cock on display. I really can’t decide if I want him to be hung like a horse and more than capable of rearranging a few of your organs, or have a cute little cock (or a pretty little tdick!!!) that you can play with or slap or ignore when Fucking him with a huge monster strap with an equally huge knot at the base. Maybe a huge cock that you use to a replica dildo, telling him how he’s getting fucked by his own cock and asking him if he’s enjoying being bred like a bitch in heat. His heats are unbearable and he has a whole collection of toys he needs to make it easy on you. Tons of unrealistically huge toys he loves to fuck himself on (that you’re sure would kill someone if they weren’t atsushi) and plug himself with cause he hates being empty. Many princess fat princess plugs and vibrators and fleshlights to use when you’re too busy or when you’re too tired and need s break.

N knee ways, I think he’d be a monster in bed but too in love and too sweet to go loose fully. Or at least not for a long time. He loses himself once in a while when he’s too stressed and lost in the sauce, claws scraping and slicing against skin, fangs digging themselves anywhere they can, and cock bruising your insides from how hard he’s fucking you. It would be so so easy for him to crush and kill you if he’s not careful with it. You will be a walking bruise when he comes back to it and apologizes so much. Licks you up with his tongue and if you want, licks all his cum out of you. Body incredibly physically strong despite being deceptively slender or covered in soft muscle and fat. If he’s feeling bratty or needy he uses it against you—holding you down and laying on top of you or making you late to work. Will even fuck you hard enough you can’t walk the next few days. If you have a cock it will feel like it’s going to fall off. It’s hard to punish him though, he’s always trying to be so good and only does what he does as a last resort measure. Also because overstim is a reward (never ending stamina and stupidly small refractory period) and edging/denial doesn’t work for long when he hits you with those teary eyes and raspy whines.

Over all incredibly expensive, pretty dangerous, and difficult to own and have such a sweet sweet boy who loves you very much

Oh Anon I am obsessed with all of this.....thankyou.....

[amurih]

I know that Squak is going to be the “fun” Uncle for Peep but what if the others? I trying to imagine like Peep describing her mother’s “family” tree and it’s fucking wild man. Like she’s giving like a “ my family tree” presentation to her class:

After a long explanation as to what bad parts of birds Great-grandfather is made up of Peep is ready to share with the class her TOP 5 favorite family members on her Mother’s side.

First is what looks like a professional headshot of a dark skinned man’s with bird like features giving a seductive/suggestive look and an signature autograph of the pen named “Airry Pearry”.

“And here is Uncle Squak, he likes to party hard and write stories with me. Mommy says I can’t have the special drinks and Glad Stuff that she and uncle like to have until I get bigger, but they give me my favorite juice and candy so I can have fun too!”

Peep slides over to the next set of people on the board labeled Andhera and BINX. A picture of a handsome tall man with a small cloud over his head standing next to a shorter woman with a choppy bob and moth wings on her back. Both look like a deer in the headlights spooked from having their picture taken in grubby shirts, stretchy leggings, and mismatched socks.

“And here is Uncle Andhera and Aunt BINX; uncle is the prince of the Unseelie Court and can fold so many animal out of paper, and knows a lot about caves! Auntie has a HUGE collection of cool stuff that people forgot! Uncle also has a dog with a face of an old man named Grandpa Dog! It even speaks! Aunt BINX gives me hot chocolate when we go camping outside and always has a warm blanket for when it gets cold.”

They then slide their fingers to the last two names in front of the children. Both Huge and monstrous beings wearing really fancy clothing. One with the face of a canine, many teeth and sharp claws. The other the head of a green barn owl but the body of a bear wearing flowers on them.

“And here is Uncle Hob and Auncle Rue. Uncle Hob is big and scary looking at first, but he is very soft and gentle and lets me ride his horse with him. I once saw him punch a tree in half while getting the fire wood on our camping trip with Aunt BINX and Uncle Andera. Auncle Rue is so pretty and always wears the nicest clothes. I like to dress up with them and have our tea parties! They used to plan and host BIG parties for everyone in all the realms of the fey wild.Mommy, and Uncle Squak, and Uncle Andhera, and Aunt BINX, and Uncle Hob met at one of their parties. They like to play matchmaker.”

[stat1cstarz]

pookie do rockstar!Vincent for me peas 💗💗💗

Masked Singer

Warnings:None

Des:You drove to Louisiana to see a small metal group, they didn’t have a name yet, but they were good, especially the long haired vocalist

Includes:ambiguous reader

N/A: Sorry if this is short! I didn’t have any ideas, but definitely try to be more specific with requests though!

You had been driving through Louisiana for a few hours new, the darkness and the sounds of a country songs guitar consuming you as you drove through small towns,bustling cities,and small family farms. A band had recently came out, and while they were pretty famous, they were still unknown to many people. But they had talent, and due to that, you had picked up a CD of theirs at a record store. Once you played the CD, you were hooked, it reminded you of Type O Negative. You pulled a that same CD out from your suitcase as you drove to the horse you were staying at, putting the CD into your car, to listen to your favorite song. ‘Old Moon’. You soon arrived at the hotel, grabbing your stuff and hauling them into the lobby, getting your room and bringing everything to it, getting set up for the night. You took a bath, brushed your teeth, put on your pajamas, and went to bed.

You walked into the loud Arena, getting pushed around by other people, but once you got passed the stampede and metal detectors, you found your place in the pit. You waited about an hour, before the group came out. The group consisted of three men, Vincent, Bo, and Lester. Two of them looked pretty similar, but one stood out to you, specifically the one with long dark hair. He also had a scar on his face, leaving the side concaved. You didn’t know why he got it, but it looked cool. He also seemed to have a few tattoos poking out from underneath his battle vest, clearly he had nothing under it. Only some simple black jeans, and beats. But you saw some muscles, and a collection of tattoos across his stomach and arms. The lines were a bit scribbly, he probably did it himself, but his appearance had seemed to engrave itself into your mind, you didn’t know why, but you weren’t mad

[peapodsinspace]

Moomin x JJBA AU - Intro post!

Hello!!!! I figured I should make a post about this, and probably some other aus too eventually…

(I’m gonna go ahead and put this under a cut cus it’ll be long, but even if you don’t care about the au I promise it’s not just words!!! I put silly drawings too!!!)

Alright! So this is an au where characters from jjba are like moomin characters! To clarify, they are still in their normal universe, with stands! (I may also do some spin offs in a no stands/ actually in moomin valley version of this au too!)

I’m calling this the “JOJOxter au” because all of the jojos are joxters :]

I’ll start with a list of each species + a brief explanation of traits / details!

(Note that I have made moomins / snorks roughly the same thing in this which is why there isn’t a section for moomins)

Joxters

Joxters are very cat like, in appearance and behavior. They tend to be very adventurous, though sometimes lazy by nature (though this is the general rule, there is of course exceptions to this!).

Physical traits can include: cat-like eyes (yellow sclera and cat pupils), retractable claws, sharp canine teeth, markings on the nose bridge, cat-like ears and tails, fur on various places of the body (hands, forearms, chest, legs, etc), and whiskers.

Mymbles

Mymbles are the most humanoid of the bunch. They can be anywhere from extremely short (like little my (from moomins) or diego (in my au), to extremely tall (like mymble mama or mista). Mymbles often have a love of chaos and general shenanigans. They are also known for having strong familial bonds. Mymbles are able to hibernate, and do so occasionally.

Physical traits can include: small horns with rounded ends, skinny tails, and sharp teeth.

Snufkins

Snufkin are a mix between Mymbles and joxters. They can show traits more similar to one or the other, be a perfect mix of the two, or even change from one to the other. As such a lot of their characteristics depend on the individual!

Physical traits can include: cat-like eyes (usually without the yellow sclera), tails, sharp teeth, pointy or claw-like nails, fur on various parts of the body, and whiskers.

Muddles

Muddles are generally known for being very emotional, or feeling one (or more) emotions very strongly. Usually anxiety or fear (moomin example is the muddler), but it can be any emotion(s). They often like to collect things, and get attached to or find comfort in their collection.

Physical traits can include: long floppy ears (like a rabbit’s), whiskers, long tails, fur on the legs, and large eyes.

Snorks

Snorks are very round looking creatures, known for being very soft! They are able to change the color of their fur based on their emotions. Snorks are known for being friendly or accommodating, but this is more due to general snork philosophy rather than a trait! They often have many hobbies, and are known to be very big on hibernating the winters away, though they don’t have to.

Physical traits can include: pointy ears, long tails with tufts of fur on the end, paw pads, and round faces

Here is a doodle page I did to decide how I want to draw each species:

[Image ID in alt text]

I just realized how long this is… yikes

Anyways! That’s basically the meat of it, so next is mostly just doodles!!!

Here’s bruno and jotaro! (Bruno is a snufkin and jotaro is a joxter)

[image ID in alt text]

Here’s drawings of diego and silver bullet I did:

[ID in alt text]

For context, this is how horses are drawn in the moomins (or at least *a* horse) and I thought it would be funny to draw them like that too!

So diego rides a normal sized horse in this, since having a small one would put him at a severe disadvantage in the race!

Here’s some miscellaneous drawings! (For reference fugo is a muddle, narancia and mista are mymbles, jolyne is a joxter, and FF is a snork!)

[Image ID in alt text]

In this au instead of FF being plankton, they’re a bunch of hattifatteners!

Alrighty!!! That’s all! I hope you enjoyed, even if you just skimmed everything :]

Please reblog, comment, or send me asks about this au if you have any questions!!!

[chocoshrooms]

Hello! Can I request general headcannons for Dark Link?

:: Dark Link General Headcanons ::

• i do not own the image above •

_____________________

:; Dark has shoulder length white hair, sometimes he ties it in a low pony tail or a small bun to get it out of his face, but when he leaves it down, it frames his face perfectly

:; man is an absolute goddess, his facial structure down to his body is 10/10. he’s pretty tall, standing almost at 6’, but has muscle mass, too. he’s got them perfect, veiny arms

:; i hc him to be a demon, but not on a demon scale of eyeless jack, he leans more towards ben’s type of demon but way more powerful and knows how to use his powers to his advantage (unlike ben)

:; he has pointy teeth, but they’re much more sharper when he’s in ‘demon/kill mode’. he can bite through anything and will shred flesh without even trying! (he’s not a cannibal, that’s just an example of how sharp his teeth can get!)

:; he got the prettiest ruby red eyes, and they glow in the dark, too. his eyelashes are pretty long, but his eyebrows are bushy! they have shape, but need a good plucking but it’s hard to really see since his eyebrows are also white

:; dark has a good amount of earrings on his elf-like ears, some holes he keeps studs but others he keeps loop earrings in. i would say he’s also had his tongue pierced before, but takes it in and out every now and then so he has to re-pierce it (the pain doesn’t bother him, he kinda likes it not gonna lie lol)

:; i can see him wearing rings! some on almost all his fingers but they’re mostly black, red, or purple banded rings.

:; honestly, dark collects jewelry. mainly the same colors as above but also good jewelry. sometimes he’ll wear it, but most of the time he brings the jewels home to keep. i could see him being very interested and knowledgeable in crystals

:; like his teeth, his nails can grow sharp when in demon mode. he does keep them trimmed though, he’s actually pretty good with keeping up with himself (with the exception of his eyebrows, he just can’t get them symmetrical, please help him)

:; dark is effortlessly attractive, he does catch a lot of eyes. he’s a flirt, but doesn’t really take things too far, just likes to get people flustered up if he is fond of them, and sometimes just throws out what he’s thinking without a second thought. man speaks his mind

:; of course he blends in with the darkness/shadows, he’s basically the god of darkness! he can manipulate shadows too, make you think somethings there when it’s just him taking different forms. kind of like a shapeshifter but can only do the shapeshifting with shadows!

:; he can disappear and reappear, all it takes is a shadow. black smokes erupts around him and he’s gone! he can use his shadow abilities too for attacking, pulling his prey into the darkness just by a shadow snatching them up

:; he is very skilled with a bow and arrow, and of course his sword. he likes to show off his skills so he would be honored if you asked to be trained by him. he won’t let you down and you will almost be just as good as him when he’s done with you

:; dark has a soft spot for animals, he’s not all too bad! he has his own horse, a black mare that he cares so much for. he spoils her, getting her the newest tack and gear on the market and keeping her up to date with what she needs to be healthy. his horse is his first priority when it comes to battle, too! he won’t let anything happen to her, honestly he’d take a hit for his horse if it came down to it

:; he’s also seen around feeding strays that sometimes follow him back home. he does shoo them away when someone else is around, but there’s always a full bowl of food and water sitting out for them every morning

:; dark lives in his own castle, not one he’s built but one he’s found and inhabited. he has great taste so expect his home to be beautiful!

:; dark does use his iconic tunic most of the time, but not always. only at home will he dress-down completely in a t-shirt/sweats, but if he doesn’t choose his tunic he’ll be wearing button ups & jeans. he always carries around either his sword or bow & arrows no matter the outfit

:; knee high boots go with his outfits, including his gloves and belts. he looks so fine in them, too. gorgeous man

:; dark steals a lot… but he wouldn’t steal from someone he’s fond of. friends, yes. you’d have to be his best friend for him not to take your things! he makes it so unnoticeable that you’d never suspect him. he could take the earrings out your ears and you wouldn’t even know!

:; dark is very strong, even without his powers. he can lift a lot

:; he’s also very agile, so quick on his feet. you wouldn’t have time to react bedofe he’s got his sword to your throat. he’s quiet, too, you can’t even hear his footsteps on the ground while he walks

_____________________

okay, i’ll stop there before i get more carried away! usually i do 10 headcanons each but once my mind starts running, i keep going lol. let me know if you want more! i have one request i’m working on now so asks are OPEN! thanks for reading & hearting, i cant believe how much some of my works are getting attention. - 🍫🍄

[scotianostra]

White Horse Close.

White Horse Close is a picturesque collection of buildings at the foot of the Canongate, but although stepping into its courtyard feels like stepping back in time, all is not as it seems. The close was heavily restored in the 1960s, enhancing the typically Scottish features such as crow-stepped gables, forestairs and pantiled roofs. One architectural historian describes the effect as “…so blatantly fake that it can be acquitted of any intention to deceive.”

The close takes its name from an inn which used to stand at its north end. The White Horse Inn on the Canongate closed its doors in the late 18th century, but in its day it was one of the best-known coaching inns in Edinburgh. Its location at the beginning of the Great North Road meant that a journey to London would start from its courtyard. The inn was built in the early 17th century by Lawrence Ord, who perhaps named the place after its association with Mary Queen of Scots, who was said to have stabled her favourite white horse there.

In 1639 the White Horse Inn was at the scene of the ‘Stoppit Stravaig’. This was a time of religious turmoil, with many in Scotland in open rebellion against King Charles I. A group of Scottish noblemen had gathered at the inn before setting off to negotiate with the king. But presbyterian ministers heard of the planned trip, and encouraged a mob of townsfolk to lay siege to the inn and prevent the group from leaving. They were largely successful, with only the Marquis of Montrose escaping to join the king.

As well as the inn, the close also had some famous residents. John Paterson, who was made Bishop of Edinburgh in 1679, lived in a tenement in the close, and William Dick who founded the Royal School of Veterinary Studies in 1823, was born there.

A particularly intriguing resident was Ned Holt, a notorious showman in Victorian Edinburgh. During an eventful career, he left his apprenticeship as a baker to become an actor in a ‘penny gaff’ theatre, ran a small shop in the Netherbow and a kind of fairground booth in the Grassmarket. There people could pay to see a ‘living skeleton’, a 1,000 year old mummy or a demonstration of Holt killing rats with his teeth. Today he is best remembered for his sketches of Edinburgh street-life, many of which can still be seen in the Museum of Edinburgh.

As with much of the Old Town, White Horse Close went into a steep decline in the Victorian period. In the 1950s the city council started a programme of slum-clearance in the Canongate, but it was decided to restore White Horse Close. The surveyor sent to draw up measured plans found it

“…a difficult task as the buildings were still inhabited by poor people living in deplorable accommodation. No wall was the same thickness as any other, nor parallel or at right angles to any other and nor were the floor levels in any way related.”

Today White Horse Close is undoubtedly one of the most picturesque parts of Edinburgh’s Old Town, and yet because of its rather hidden location it is rarely visited by tourists. Whatever its authenticity, the close it is still definitely worth seeing as an imaginary vision of the past – or as one historian has described it: “…a Hollywood dream of the seventeenth century”.

[plutoscosmoss]

Fire Inside ➸ c.8

Warnings: This series includes themes of violence, death, smut, childbirth and childbirth complications (if I forgot to mention any please let me know)

Pairing: Jacaerys Velaryon x OC

{Series Masterlist}

Previous Chapter

Chapter 8: The Dream

Renva stood between Queen Alicent and Princess Rhaenyra as she watched her father and brother pack the last of their things. Rickon decided to leave the next morning instead of that night. It gave Renva time to collect herself and stop her tears before they left. 

“I will miss you my young wolf, your brother should be here in a week's time, he’s decided to ride alone which lets the horses travel faster.” Renva gave a slight nod to her father as he placed a hand upon her cheek. 

“I shall make you proud here. I will write to you when I get the chance.” Renva turned to her brother who had just approached. “I will miss you Ranvir, and I’m sure Signe will miss Nika.” Renva gave her brother a tight hug which he gladly returned. Glancing at the two direwolves who seemed like they were saying their own goodbyes, Renva almost shed a tear. She would not give the Queen the satisfaction in seeing her cry. 

“We will take good care of Renva, Lord Rickon. You have my word.” Rhaenyra said, placing a hand on the young girl's shoulder. “I’m sure you will, Princess. Thank you again for hosting us and allowing my daughter to stay.” Rickon gave his daughter a hug before he placed a hand on his youngest son's upper back and guided him into the carriage. 

Once the carriage door shut behind her father and brother, Renva took a deep breath, almost as if she was preparing herself for the weeks to come. Ranvir peeked his head out of the window one last time to give his sister a small wave, to which she returned. It was only a moment after their wave that the carriage started moving out of the Red Keep. 

The carriage was out of sight when Renva turned to the Queen. “If you may excuse me, Baela, Rhaena and Helena invited me to practice our embroidery together.” Renva bowed her head, a gesture which she believed the Queen did not afford from her. Renva didn’t stop to look back at either the Queen or Princess, she wanted to get as far away as she could from this courtyard. 

—-

The guard that stood post at Helena’s chamber door allowed her in. As she walked in Renva spotted Prince Daemon’s twin girls, on their embroidery looms Renva noticed them making the Velaryon house crest. Renva smiled to herself, she knew the two girls had also lost her mother, it was new all over the kingdom how Laena went out by Vhagar’s fire. She was proud of the two however that they are still honoring their mothers house. Glancing at Helena, on her loom was a spider, what kind she didn’t know. 

She heard Helena say what some would deem ‘weird things’, Renva however knew her Valaryian history. She knew about dragon dreamers and she had a high speculation that Helena was one. In front of Helena on the floor sat her own twins, both with white hair. Renva could only tell them apart by the outfits they wore. Jaehaerys in boys attire and Jaehaera in a dress that Renva swore could fit a doll. 

“Hello Princesses.” Renva gave a slight bow. Walking over to the last open seat which was next to Helena, Renva picked up a loom for herself. She wanted to make a pattern for Cregan, to show how grateful she was for him coming to her aid. First however she had to practice before she attempted to put it on clothing. “Hello Renva, I take it your father has left?” Helena spoke softly to her. She knew Helena didn’t mean it in a mean way, the girl had not one bad bone in her body. “Yes, they departed right before I came here. It saddens me to see them go but I know that I will be in good hands here.” It seemed that all Renva was capable of doing was lying through her teeth. She did not feel safe here without her family. 

“Time will pass swiftly, Renva. I just know it.” Baela spoke kindly to Renva, Rhaena hearing her sisters words gave a smile to the lone girl. The girls then plunged into silence, each girl focusing on their own embroidery loom, the only noise being from the two children who were playing with one another. The first to leave was Rhaena, having finished her pattern she informed her sister that their father was planning a lesson for them to practice their High Valyrian. Rhaena excused herself, Renva gave her a small smile. If she were to be here by herself she would try to make as many allies as she could. 

Baela was next to leave, along with the nannies and the young twins. Helena noted it was their nap time and asked them to be brought to their chamber to sleep. Leaving just Renva and Helena, Renva was mid-stitch when the door burst open, scaring her and making her poke her finger. Quickly putting her finger in her mouth to stop the bleeding she glanced at the door to see who the intruder was. 

Prince Aemond stood at the door, his hair tied half back to stay out of his face. 

“Excuse my intrusion, I thought Princess Helena to be alone, I saw Prince Daemon's daughters in the Library.” Aemond said in his usual monotone voice. Renva made eye contact with him, “I can leave if you need to talk in private. It's not a big deal.” Renva said as she stood to get up and put her loom away. “That won’t be necessary, Aemond normally comes to visit me and my children after his training session. It seems however brother your session ran late, the twins are taking their naps.” Helena said, glancing back down at her loom.

“I shall leave you too then.” Aemond turned to walk away as he and Renva heard a gasp and the sound of a loom dropping to the floor. Turning to Helena they saw her in a daze, Aemond rushed to his sisters and grabbed her face in his hands. “Helena, you must snap out of it. Helena!” His voice grew with concern for his sister. However her attention did not waver. She looked towards Renva who stood still not knowing what to do. “The whispers will come, and with them the choice of black or white. Both will lead to darkness, neither to light. The lone wolf will decide the fate of the pack.” Helena spoke before slumping against her brother's arms.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

next chapter

[adultswim2021]

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job #40: “Presidents” | March 23, 2009 - 12:30AM | S04E07

Happy New Years. It is 2024, and you know what that means. It’s a dang election year. What better way to kick it off than with an episode of a sketch comedy program titled “Presidents”, which references one of the sketches that’s in it. 

The cold open is one of their most famous. It’s an ad intended for one person; Jim Boonie (whom they call back to in other sketches in the episode). The ad informs Jim that he’s to receive “Free Real Estate”, ending with a pretty funny line read for “It’s Free Real Estate” from Tim. This moment has been GIF’d into oblivion by net-crazy memesters, many of whom to this day will see Tim Heidecker in other projects and wonder aloud “Is that the guy from the Real Estate meme?”. This one advertises a website (freerealestateforjim.biz) but there ain’t nothing on there. 

This one has a fairly low-effort/minimal framing device where Ben Hur is hosting the show. He is one of the nastiest men to ever live. He sits next to a small collection of hummel figurines and has video shoot out of his face, expressed with beams of light radiating outward, as a means for transition into new sketches. There’s not much to this one, but at least it’s specific. 

Hey, it’s a Kid Break! They’ve yet to take this sketch to higher highs than the first installment, but you can’t blame them for trying. In this one, Tim’s character sings about having sensitive nipples that bleed when they rub up against his shirt. Eric is disgusted with him and plainly speaks his mind about it, suggesting that this is too specific of a problem to sing about. “This is a song about a woman’s problem and it’s disgusting”. This one has it’s moments and it's probably not the worst one of these, despite the in-universe objections being made about it.

Steve Brule gets an actual dang sketch and not just a Brules Rule or some kind of ass-slapping fest with the Married News Team. In this one Steve Brule is a Slim Goodbye type of figure, wearing layers of bodysuits that illustrate where bones, muscles, and organs are. There’s also a layer of disgusting man-skin. A small group of children look on, looking mildly disturbed. This one’s pretty okay, and also has some funny lines, like when he says the only part of your body that needs bones is the center part, and shows off a mysterious organ where teeth come from. Dang guy says “Muscles” wrong. 

The episode is named after Tim and Eric doing a horse-around at a podium, announcing their candidacy for president. They bicker back and forth over who’s going to be the president and who’s going to be the vice president. This one feels slight, but they do have a way with words and the ways they try to diminish each other is funny. We got a joke about Jokerman font, which was probably more original back in 2009. This is reminiscent of the sketch where they run competing price stores, but about 70% as funny. I do like when Eric calls Tim a “‘Tute Man”, meaning prostitutes, and shames Tim into bringing them to even his parents house.

White Boyz is a weird one where the only idea they seemed to go into it with was the costume and make-up. This is sort of just an art video where they musically announce themselves and do strange motions to one another that involve feeding each other beams of energy, as if they are otherworldly creatures. There actually was more to this one; the DVD contains a deleted scene where they get little talking head segments where they just talk about having normal guy hobbies, insisting that they are normal boys who like a ton of sun. I get why they went a different way, even though some of it is funny; it just doesn't feel very original.

I am just going to link to this playlist, which seems to contain every season 4 DVD extra. It’s in there, along with other things I forgot to link to in other write-ups. 

The next sketch is Michael Ian Black, playing himself (but in a wig), as the host of “focus on comedy”, a show where he interviews Tim and Eric and asks them leading questions about getting high to write comedy. Tim and Eric gleefully speak about doing “marijuanno” and they just go nuts. I don’t mind this one, but given how much respect I’ve lost for Michael Ian Black over the years, this one is at least repulsive on a shallow level. I do think the opening is a little funny, and I like the nonsensical “microscope” transition. 

This one also features The Best of Pusswhip Banggang, a Cajun swamp rock band that sings improvised-sounding songs about Jambalaya and whatnot. This one has a full performance of said song on the DVD (or that playlist, if you’d rather). Drag City released a picture disc single of Jambalaya in 2014. 

This one was a mixed bag, but so far this season matches my memory of being stronger than season three. Even episodes like this, which give plenty of breathing room to it’s imperfections, still feel like a marked improvement over all but the two great season three episodes (Chan/Jim and Derrck). 

EPHEMERA CORNER:

The Venture Bros. Season 3 DVD (March 24, 2009)

The Venture Bros. Season three DVD is a fairly typical Venture Bros. release, with audio commentaries on every episode and deleted scenes and stuff. But, there were two notable things about this release: 1) it was the first Adult Swim release that was also issued on blu-ray! I forget and also I don’t care enough to find out if the blu-ray came out on the same day. At the time this came out, I did not have a blu-ray player, so I initially bought the DVD. I eventually got the blu-ray. How cool is it, owning the Venture Bros. on blu? It’s one of the best things about being alive, practically. 

2) it was MISSING a PROMISED extra: the deleted, but fully-animated cold-open for two-part season finale, in which the Monarch seems to have broken into Venture compound and beheaded his enemies, but it turns out to be a holodeck-style battle simulation. This is just to set up the fact that the Monarch is on his way to ambush Dr. Venture. I think they released it online first, and said they’d put it on the DVD. THEY LIED! 

My guess as to why it was fully animated (unlike other deleted scenes), was that they were probably thinking the two-part episode was going to air a full-hour special, and that probably afforded them a little extra running time. This missing cold open was released as an extra on the season four set.

MAIL BAG

From KON, mouthing off about me wondering if the "honorary black man" episode of Delocated was pulled from streaming:

All of them were pulled from streaming!!!!!!! As well as several dozen unrelated shows across various networks and blocks. Oh and HAPPY FREAKING NEW YEAR!

The worst thing about this is that Steamboat William entered the public domain, and will HBOMax ever put that up? They truly hate animation, which is what Delocated probably also is.

you said "im not telling on them" in like 3 of your last seven articles. it's time to admit it: you're a tattle tale. you're woke and you're broke. No amount of racist guys in your header are gonna disabuse me of this notion. you're acab. you're spun in and there are no survivors.

You are a bitch and I am a guy who likes to speak my mind. We are not the same, except I'm also a bitch.

Did you know: the original script for that M*A*S*H scene you referenced read "he flipped out" but Gary Burghoff objected to using the word "flipped"

happy new year

Thank you for saying this NICELY and not in some caustic Denis Leary style tone. Happy new year to you my friend

[falseandrealultravival]

All About Sardines: This Versatile "Premium Fish"(Essay)

There aren't many fish that catch as many fish as sardines and have such a wide range of uses as food and fertilizer.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

In Japan, the term ``sardine'' refers to sardines and round sardines in the herring family, and anchovies in the anchovy family. However, there are many other fish that have sardines in their names. In the old days, it was also called "Murasaki" in the language of wives.

(Omitted)

It is a saltwater fish and a coastal migratory fish. They are excellent swimmers and move in groups.

Total length of adult fish is about 10cm–30cm

It feeds on plankton and has tiny teeth.

The body is long and slender, and the cross section is cylindrical or slightly flattened (longitudinally). It has a blue back and a white belly. It is a red-fleshed blue fish. Scales peel off easily.

(Omitted)

There are various theories about the etymology of 'sardine'. There is a theory that it changed from 'yowashi' because it is a fish that weakens and spoils easily when landed on land (it is said that the Chinese character 'sardine' is derived from this), and it is said that it is a lowly fish that is not a food for the nobility. There are various theories, such as the theory that it comes from 'lowly' in meaning.

(Omitted)

In terms of nutrition, it is rich in unsaturated fatty acids such as DHA and EPA. CoQ10 is also included. On the other hand, since it contains a large amount of purine bodies, it is sometimes said that patients with hyperuricemia (gout) or those purine to it should refrain from taking it.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

I searched for "Fish X Cookpad", placed X with various fish, and compared how many menu items were listed. (For example, "Sardine Cookpad"):

Sardines 523

horse mackerel 495

Pacific saury 624

Mackerel …… 791

Salmon 1675

Sea bream ・・・ 396

Blowfish 227

Tuna ・・・553

carp 102

(as of March 21, 2019)

(Note: Cookpad is a collection of recipes on the Japanese internet.)

The first four are so-called blue fish, popular fish. Salmon is a slightly high-end white fish, sea bream, blowfish, and tuna are high-end fish, and carp is a freshwater fish.

Salmon is overwhelmingly a lot of dishes. A lot of blue fish. Except for tuna, there are few high-end fish on the menu. Carp has a small menu.

[garbagefarm]

Garbage Farm (#46)

2023-05-13, Garbage Farm session #46, spanning Year 4, Fall 17 through Fall 25

cast:

me (@mothmute)

E.B. (@salamand3rin)

Kimi (@2kimi2furious​)

Fall 17:

Gang’s all here!

E.B.: I’m in B)

Elliott remains best boy by watering the crops and the wild possum

Shane switched from beer to la croix, and uses his savings to buy Jas “bunny-jewel slippers” (whatever those are)

He also wants to show me his blue hens

More ducks. Regret and Chucklefuck.

You’ve heard of truck nuts, now get ready for bus nuts!

E.B. suggests it’s some kind of weird thing by Leah??

I go to the quarry to get stone, but somebody planted a small forest and I come home with wood instead

Nobody has cellphones in “this good christian garbage cult”

Fall 18:

(cranb day)

E.B. discovers baby-tossing

Kimi hates the ducks.

I return to the quarry ... with mega-bombs.

Pam stomped the nuts :(

Quest to get a bunch of bug meat for Willie

Gil is pleased with me killing crabs

Fall 19:

Harvey watered (some of) the crops!

he has the delicate hands of a surgeon, we can’t expect him to do manual labor!

(jam day!)

Gil is pleased with me killing shadow shamans!

We’ve got all the bug guts we need for Willie

Fall 20:

Gus mails Kimi some spaghetti, you know how it is with spaghetti

I venture into the skulls, make it to floor 37

(oh shit it’s wine night, but I don’t have time, I’ll have to do it tomorrow)

Fall 21:

Kimi realizes she’s still got a long way to go to complete 100% crafting, asks us to keep our eyes out for a few things

Willie shows off his horrible bug meat monster

Psyduck joins the ranks of the disappointing ducks who refuse to do the cute thing!!

rip me at the bus stop, the prairie king claims another soul

Fall 22:

Harvey billed me 1000g for dragging me home from the bus stop!

E.B. gets a mail pizza from Shane, classic

I accept a quest for BIG GAME FISHING

the rest of my day is spent in the volcano

Fall 23:

E.B. volunteers to take over some animal duties for a while

BIG GAME FISHING, I collect 4/5 of the needed BIG GAME FISH

Kimi braves the skulls, makes it to floor 16!

I leave her horse (Pie-O-My) at the bus stop for when she gets back

Kimi survives skulls only to die at home, RIP Kimi

Fall 24:

Bad luck day— I was just saying we should all go to the skulls together sometime, but this isn’t that time

ngl, I hate the ducks too.

they are horrid.

BIG GAME FISHING, I spend several in-game hours fighting the final boss of fishing

Victory is mine! Securing our first Qi Gems!

Kimi defeated Glacierfish!

... in fall? This is because she’s just that good at fishing, not any client-side alterations to the fishing mini-game.

I’m sure this isn’t related, but Kimi also managed to get another forbidden shard somehow?

We’re just so good at farming, everybody!

Fall 25??:

okay, today isn’t canon. we’re going to eat the legendary fish. (see gallery)

Now we have their power.

TO-DO:

Continue buying wretched ducks. I think we’ve got five to go?

More crystalariums, more coffee!

SKULLS SKULLS SKULLS

still need more kegs and preserves

still not happy with my tapped trees, whoops

wait, I got a whole bunch of Teeth in the volcano, do we have enough for Island Obelisk?

continue seed self-supply, continue grocery list, continue crafting...

Gallery (courtesy of E.B.):

“deez nuts”

delicious

second course!

[walaw717]

A Note to a World Struggling to Maintain its Ethics and Beauty.

In 2017 I took a long drive through the American west, and in the spring of that year drove along the Mackenzie River on the way home to New Mexico. I stopped on the road above BarryLopez's house and just allowed myself to know he might be home. It was enough to see the modesty he lived in and the beautiful place he wrote from.

Barry Lopez was famous for chronicling his travels to remote places and the landscapes he found there. But his writings weren't simply accounts of his journeys — they were reminders of how precious life on earth is, and of our responsibility to care for it. He died on Christmas Day following a years-long battle with prostate cancer

When Rose Friedman spoke to Lopez in his last year, he said he always sought to find grace in the middle of devastation.

She stated that in his studio, he had a collection of sticks, that bore the marks of little teeth. It was a lesson for Lopez. "Everyday I saw the signs of: don't lose faith in yourself," he told me.

Se also said, "When I met him at his home last year, he told me when he was feeling defeated by the work, he'd walk along the nearby McKenzie River.

""Every time I did there was a beaver stick in the water at my feet. And they're of course, they're workers. So I imagined the beaver were saying 'What the hell's wrong with you? You get back in there and do your work.'"

In September 2020, his writing room burned, and most of the forest around his home was gone. Three months later, he passed away on Christmas Day. They say he had a long illness, which is true, but I suspect he died of a broken heart. When we lose things, we deeply love the pain can kill us. I understand this because the road trip I was on in 2017 was to say goodbye to the west after I sold my small farm and gave my horses and tack to a friend. I was ill and brokenhearted from that loss for 6 years, even though I knew it was time to move on.

After I listened to his self-narrated autobiography, I developed mixed feelings about Barry Lopez. I did not find the poetry or lyricism in his writing voice I had come to love over the fifty years I read and re-read his books. He often, in his autobiography, came across as strident and condescending and, frankly, pretty judgemental and woke; there was none of the kindness or humility I found in his other books. For two years after hearing him in his own voice, I was not able to approach his work.

But we make a mistake in thinking that the author of anything actually shows up in their writing. In the renaissance, all writing was attributed to the muse and not the writer, and genius referred to the spirit that worked through you, not how smart you personally were - a much more humble way to see things. Understanding that I made peace and recently returned to his "genius's" wisdom.

I have been told by many of my more scientific friends they dislike Lopez. I think the dislike of Lopez has as much to do with their own materialism as it does with what he says.

Lopez was not a materialist; he was foremost a spiritualist and ethicist and spoke to that part of me (the counselor, the psychologist, and the healer) that is also grounded in ethics and the spiritual life. Both ethics and spirituality are about relationships, and only in relationships do we find healing.

Lopez always spoke about the loss of ethics in the industrial and commercial culture and how a lack of a moral worldview kills as fast as the materialist worldview we mistakenly call science. We forget that science is a method of asking questions and is rooted in the desire to understand a God we don't simply "believe" in but actually know. Materialism turns everything it sees into an object for our consumption, and in the end, as we consume, we become consumed.

My farm was in the middle of oil fracking country, and I saw firsthand that Materialists are like rapists - they use you, damage you, and really do not care because, in the end, they got what they wanted - more wealth and power. It is not just the oil industry that is materialist; however, our entire way of life is based upon materialism and acquisition, failing to see our relationship with the whole. Soon, we will extend that materialism to other planets.

We need people like Barry Lopez to remind us to live ethically and beautifully. We need people like him to remind us that the world is part of our personal story and that we are part of the whole and how we treat the world is, in the end, how we treat ourselves. He reminds us that we must see and live ethically to return the world we borrow from our great-great-great-grandchildren as good and healthy as we wound it, better if we understand that better is to heal the industrial consumerism of our own ancestors. What he gave me in his writing allows me to forgive the arrogance and stridency of his voice in his autobiography and to focus on the beauty we are destroying with every stroke of the pen of hedge fund parasites, politicians, and economists.

"While writing about the landscape often begins in the aesthetic, it must always tend to the ethical. I later realized that Lopez’s intense attentiveness was a form of moral gaze, born of his belief that if we attend more closely to something, then we are less likely to act selfishly towards it. " —Robert Macfarlane.

Below is a picture of the room from which he wrote to us so beautifully.

Read his books; they are beautiful in a world that is struggling to maintain its ethics and beauty.

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[transmasc-wizard]

9, 10, 17 and 24 for the ask game!

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

no, but that's because I have 2 cats

closet door opens randomly at night? It's the cats. Unseen growling? The cats. Large thumping noises? cats. scratching noises from the basement? CATS. i am physically incapable of blaming things on ghostly presence

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

everything i've never finished haunts me because i can't stop thinking about it

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

i don't think you expected to hear about dragons when you asked this but SURPRISE! you are now

dragons are an entire animal family in GFS. Like, there's mammals, birds, reptiles, fish, etc etc, but then there's also dragons in their own classification.

To be a dragon, something must lay eggs, have a hoard (as in, a collection of objects/things that they keep track of and feel distress upon losing), not be exclusively herbivores, and possess some sort of innate magic power. They may or may not be considered sentient and have developed languages, and they can look like basically anything. They all also must descend back from some fucked up little creatures the gods put on the planet like 1000+ years ago (that's part of why they're magical).

Dragons will nest in these HUGE colonies, often living in mountains, forests, cave systems, and canyons. Littler dragon species often gravitate to bigger ones (except for, uh. dragons that eat other dragons lol) and pick pests off of them/from their area. In return, the larger dragons leave the littler ones alone and let them stay in their caves.

The 2 dragon species I like best are the ones known as Tea Set Dragons and Bullet Dragons. (They have scientific names but I haven't... made those yet). Tea Sets range from being the size of a teacup to a teapot, roughly, and have intricate designs that many tea sets have copied, hence the name. Bullet Dragons were partially bred by humans, and they're used in battle; they're sleek and range from the size of a pony to a horse, with incredibly delicate bones (so they can fly better; less weight) but very aerodynamic shape and extremely sharp teeth. They come in grey and copper tones; that + their build + their purpose has given them the name "Bullet Dragons".

Angel has a little Tea Set named Teacup; he is very very small, white with swirly blue patterns, and has learned about 50 words. He sends short-distance messages and also functions as a bit of an anxiety pet. Tasya has a Bullet named Silver; Bullets don't talk (they may have the ability? but it was mostly bred out), but Silver is very intelligent and also quick to bond with her. A Bullet, once it's picked its rider, will not bond to another one, so Silver and Tasya are stuck together (even if Tasya's hesitant toward owning a battle dragon at first).

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

uh. this is my planning process, and though i wrote that post like 7 months ago, it's still pretty accurate. It doesn't mention my bullet point thing I don't think? But yeah I do roughly what's described in that post, and I also write out everything that happens in a very detailed bullet point list (like. GFW #2's bullet point outline was over 7 thousand words). I really like preparing/outlining/plotting (whatever you wanna call it lol), although lately since i haven't drafted in awhile i AM feeling super antsy to start doing that again.

ty for the ask!!

[ask-the-achs]

New subject contained.

It is infact a species.

ALIEN SPECIES FOUND ADAPTOR ANTS

These ants are a special kind of insects that are capable of a kind of evolution I will refer to as 'Generational Upgrades' their version of evolution involves them eating the most of the biggest things around to grow features of the things they ate. Their end goals are to create Queen ants to spread them around the galaxy. According to Paradox they are only three planets but I have seen recordings of them existing on at least six other planets. They are an organized unit. Like earth's ants they are a society based around drones and workers to build the hives and guards to protect the queen who can have up to 80 kids in a single egg laying session. These queens will eat anything and everything that is within 600meters of their hives. In an odd turn of events half the hive is awake during the day the other half are awake durning the night. The queen however I've noticed never seem to sleep a set time. They sleep when overworked.

*Five samples have been found and examined.*

Sample one: a collection of twenty ants. These ants are bright green as they live in areas with thick foliage autopsies have shown that they eat nothing but the poisonous plants and leaves around their nest. They also seem to have the ability to utilize photosynthesis. They are still aggressive to any non insect in their habitat.

Sample two:a pair of ants with a considerable amount of fuzz and wings. In several investigations around their hives they seem to have been eating bats for a long while. They in an odd turn haven't eaten enough to gain their Echolocation.

Sample three:a group of 10 ants that have grown fins and gills. It seems they have been eating fishes sharks and eels as evident by their abilities to sense electricity and emit that same electricity.

Sample four:a singular ant that had broken out of a cage only to be found and broken into 3 peices by Paradox. This ant shown signs of being the result of ants eating horses with its legs and teeth as proof with more autopsies showing he had the stomach and lungs of a cow in his horse half.

Sample 5:one of the queens of the hives who is currently clamped to a metal table. This is due to her constantly trying to escape and take out the staff. She is a vaguely humanoid woman with a translucent abdomen and a large stinger. In an odd turn of events she seems to hate another queen anomaly. The large bug chimera known as THE QUEEN. The smaller queen refers to herself as Empress Daikuri study has shown Daikuri is a empress who went missing on her 19th birthday 300 (due our timelines distortion of time as a whole it should be at least 150 years from modern time.)

Threat leavel:APOCALYPTIC

Cell information:The empress is kept in a small cell that is 3ft by 3ft that has several night vision and motion tracking cameras and robots as the cell is completely black out with no source of light coming in or out of the cell. The metal bed is in fact the very back wall of her cell while her every other wall and the Celing lined with inceneray round carrying turrets to put her down if she ever gets off the wall.

-Sunblood.

[isaacapatow]

with @hazelparsons | the daybreakers : return from the cliffside

Hazel Parsons: -she barely registers the trip back to redwood, her mind slipping off and dissociating throughout it; after dropping off ermano at the clinic and making sure the horses are being taken care of, is when it starts to hit her; her hands start shaking, her head starts spinning and just when she thinks she will start sobbing she leans over a bush and throws up; the bile burns at her throat and it takes her a moment to collect herself, only to notice someone has approached her- Fuck, Ike, you scared the shit out of me! 

ike apatow: Sorry, sorry. -he holds up his hands, having halted a couple of feet away from her, but peering more closely- Jesus, Hazel -- did you get hurt too? You look like you took on a bunch of Pamplona bulls and they won.

Hazel Parsons: -that makes her look down at herself for the first time, on her the dried blood on her hands and clothes, the threads hanging from the edge of her torn off shirt, exposing the old stab wound on her abdomen- None of it is mine. I think. -nothing hurts and everything hurts at the same time, but she would know if she had gotten hurt, right?- Did they tell you what happened?

ike apatow: I got the sitrep on Ermano from David when he called it in, heard there was one of those Sunfacer kids. Not too much more than that. Can I--? -he comes closer, carefully laying his fingers against her exposed abdomen, turning her this way and that to look her over-

Hazel Parsons: -the scar has long stopped hurting, but having ike, of all people, touch it, makes her flinch and take a small step back; a part of her wants to yell at him, but she feels too exhausted to do even that, all her limbs heavy and numb- I’m not injured. -she cuts him off, but her voice almost breaks at the last word, suddenly fighting to hold back tears- It was a mess. It was such a mess.

ike apatow: -his fingertips are still trailed against her, and he doesn't make a move to either remove them or touch her more insistently, just leaving them there- You all came back. That's the most important thing right now, but, Hazel, it's ... -he screws his mouth to the side, taking in the fractured sound of her voice- Tell me about what happened. Walk me through it.

Hazel Parsons: -she doesn’t try to distance herself more from his touch, mostly because the cold of his fingers is helping keep her grounded and focused enough to speak- That girl with the teeth, she was unlike anything I have ever seen. And she attacked Zack, he was at the top off the cliff, and then fucking jumped off and killed herself right next to me. -she knows there are details missing but she chooses to count on ike to put it all together, because she has no energy to give more- And then she came back to life and we killed her. And she was just a girl, Ike, but she also wasn’t- -she is rambling and crying and moving her hands around and when she tries to wipe her face even the tears have blood mixed in them- And Ermano, god, he is- I don’t know if he will make it and I don’t know what to do if he doesn’t.

ike apatow: Yeah. It's only the teenagers who go full Sunface and get the filed-down teeth and everything. It's fuckin horrible, how brainwashed they are to the whole god damn messed up philosophy. I hate dealing with them. But they don't see reason, Hazel. You guys couldn't have helped her, not really. -he hesitates to ask, but does in the end- Were you the one who staked her? The Sunfacer girl?

Hazel Parsons: No, it was- Sol, maybe? -her mind struggles to remember while also pushing every memory away- Yeah, it was Sol. -she takes a few shaky breaths, trying and failing to calm down her trembling body- I would have done it though, if needed. -she wonders if that makes her a bad person, is shocked at how much she doesn’t care- I’ve killed biters before. Hell, I’ve killed people before, you know I have.

ike apatow: I know you have. -he gives it a moment to let her have that one, compare it to this situation, maybe come out feeling a little better about her righteous kill in the end- One of you had to off her. They're ... -Ike grimaces slightly; he'd been dithering about whether to bring this up now, but would any time be better?- Was there anything different about the girl? When she turned lurcher. Was she more lucid, or did it seem like she could still think, or anything like that?

Hazel Parsons: I… I don’t know. -his question makes her think for a second, make her wonder what kinds of horror the raiders have faced out there and what else they would have to deal with in the future- She just attacked. I don’t know, I don’t remember. -she sniffles, coughs, pushes a few curls out of her face where they are sticking- How the fuck do you go out there all the time?

ike apatow: -he gives a one-shouldered shrug- I'm good at it. I'm temperamentally suited to it. That's all. -he regards her for a bit, her torn-up clothing, guessing at what it had been used for- You went out there, and you didn't even think twice about it. Ermano got double the shot at making it because you did that. 

Hazel Parsons: He would gave done the same. -she says it with confidence, her voice steady for the first time in a while- He has done the same, one way or another, not just for me, but for Jason and Oliver too. -she swallows hard, wondering why she’s opening up her heart to him, but it has not been an ordinary day anyway- He can’t die. I don’t have many people left, Ike.

ike apatow: You can make new people. I know it's not the same, this is your home, but ... lots of us have done it. And Ermano's gonna pull through. -he has literally no way of knowing that, but there doesn't seem any point in saying otherwise- His name was Milwaukee, the guy you killed. He liked baseball cards. -Ike stalls out there, running the tip of his tongue against the inside of his teeth-

Hazel Parsons: -against herself, she laughs; she knows it sounds almost lunatic, probably also looks like it too, laughing in her state, but she can’t help it- Is that supposed to help, in some fucked up train of thought? Or were you nice to me for too long and now you have to knock me while I’m down?

ike apatow: No, I -- -he laughs as well, not entirely mirthfully, a huff of sound- I dunno, man. He would sniff the cards to see if they still smelled like gum, and one time I saw him cut off a man's hand with a hatchet because the guy borrowed a tarp without asking. Everyone's fucked up a little even if they like how bubble gum smells like banana. You, me -- the parameters for how we behave are all shot to shit. What you need to do out there to come back home at the end of it isn't easy to settle with.

Hazel Parsons: -she realizes she barely remembers the face of that man, milwaukee; that face used to haunt her, the buzzcut, the smirk, the blood coming out of his mouth, but nowadays it’s all a blur, what used to be a dark spot now insignificant in the abyss- Why did you save my life, Ike? -she doesn’t know where the question came from, but the world is crazy anyway- We lost so much that day, I could have been just another casualty. No one would have blamed you if you said you just didn’t make it in time.

ike apatow: I wanted to stay here. -that might not be enough, he decides, so he adds on- Even if nobody let me stay, since I was with the Reavers. I didn't want them to fuck this place over. They wouldn't even use it, they would've just plundered and then razed it when they left. -he shakes his head, cramming his hands into his pockets- I didn't want to kill you, Hazel, I didn't even need to kill you. It's not like it would've made a difference, to my purposes. Like you said -- nobody would've known.

Hazel Parsons: I know you did it for selfish reasons, I’ve never had any doubt about it. I have this to always remind me. -she runs a finger over the scar on her stomach, the old wound feeling almost open again, with all this blood covering it- And yet I still feel like I fucking owe you.

ike apatow: -he looks at her for a few long moments, expressionless- You could fuck me, if you want to not owe me anymore.

Hazel Parsons: So that’s why people fuck you? Out of obligation?

ike apatow: Yeah. Sometimes.

Hazel Parsons: -she snickers, almost forgetting her current state- And you’re okay with that?

ike apatow: -he gives her a crooked, flat smile- I don't like people feeling like they owe me any more than they do.

Hazel Parsons: Well, I only fuck people because I actually want to. So buy me a fucking drink first. -she wipes her hands on her jeans, making an even bigger mess out of them- I need to go wash up. Will you let me know if there’s anything new on Ermano?

ike apatow: I will. D'you need me to do anything else? -he looks around, a little aimlessly- With Ermano down, that leaves me to take care of ... some stuff.

Hazel Parsons: And to think you and your buddies wanted to kill us all. -she smirks, then remembers- One of the horses is hurt. That Sunface bitch stabbed him. I know it’s my responsibility, but I think I should take care of… all this first. -she vaguely gestures towards herself- Do you know anything about horses?

ike apatow: I know some. I'll go check on it. -he turns to head off in the direction of the stables, and a few steps away, turns, saying as he's walking backwards- Once you're all rested I'll buy you that drink, Hazel.

[grandpabalsa]

I think mr RTGame of minecraft and twitch is possibly the most unattractive man in Great Britain. If I were to be put in charge of casting a Victorian rat catcher he would be first in line for the role