#also it bothers dirk which is funny and more people should do that actually

[a-caterpillars-world]

moonsetter!!!! moonsetter from my tunes!!!!!!

[nonbinarygamzee]

Dave thoughts? I'm very curious about your hatred for that guy (if that makes sense)

HAHA ok so admittedly maybe my posts about how much i hate him are a bit overblown because i basically think its really funny that he only comes up on my blog if i am being a hater. integral to understand that while i post "fandom" content on here that i dont really think of this as a fandom blog so much as a blog where i come to have conversations with myself and so naturally just bc of who i am a lot of my little posts are full of context and meaning i never bother to externalize because they are for me to reread later and have a little chuckle about.

anyways. theres a lot of reasons i find him grating but i can at least admit it that a lot of my annoyance has more to do with the way i was forced to slog through strider manpain posts endlessly as a teenager any direction i tried to look. when the fandom seemed hyperfocused on him and his woes while actively sending me like graphic gore at like age 14 for saying hey maybe this other character also deserves some sympathy and maybe even analysis that has more to say than why they are an evil irredeemable monster for being unstable as a child. which yknow that isnt daves fault but man even without that part it was tiring to see all of the emotional depth constantly boxed into his corner. and then to repeatedly have the comics itself affirm all of this as valid exploration and then ridicule me for My exploration. for many many years the strider manpainisms made me not bother with dirk just on principle even though today hes one of the more interesting characters to me! so i can admit im not being totally "fair" here but well. as usual i think the fandom darlings can handle a fraction of the disdain ive see thrown my favies ways constantly for over a decade.

and like none of that to say i dont Get why people do this with him or that he deserved anything he got as a kid or it wasnt abuse or whatever. let the records show that i think it is Wrong to terrorize your brotherson with swords and sex puppets. im a feminist.

more rooted in the reality of the comic itself though i just find it grating how often daves sole function in a scene is to be the authors mouthpiece and specifically often in ways where you are meant to implicitly agree with the things he is saying irregardless of whether they are a centrist gen x nightmare opinion because its also the larger opinion of homestuck as an entity. dave is far from the only character to do this and id say any of the characters you could comfortably refer to as the "protagonists" actually end up slipping into this fairly often. that said the other biggest offenders imo are karkat, egbert and terezi and i also have feelings of extreme ambivalence for terezi and to be honest an outright disinterest in egbert. so. i am at least consistent about it! karkats my special guy but i need him hunted for sport and tortured until he stops being this and largely the things he believe that make me feel that way heavily align with the opinions the comic depicts as mostly right and again tend to be moments hussies worldview is bleeding into the narrative especially openly.

anddd ok. i just find daves personality grating on top of it. i cant sit here and pretend ive never laughed at a dave strider dialogue but generally a lot of the parts people find very funny are parts i tend to come away having seen the thousanth iteration of dave having his worldview affirmed and getting to do some #awesome clapback at the person insinuating he even try to think outside of his own preconceived ideas about what things should be like. in general in a story so full of characters doing bad things it just grates on me that, while his offenses are certainly usually "minor" in the grand scheme of things, the lack of willingness to challenge them often just means like dave gets to be right and nobody remembers when he actually massively fucks someone else up or makes them feel worse. like to be clear none of this is a problem in that characters cant "do bad things", i literally like vriska, but it would be cool if we could at least like. acknowledge that theyre anything but entertaining even within the context of the universe where other characters should be allowed to be uncomfortable when hes actively creepy or uses their emotional breaking points as a soapbox for how He feels. but since it would cause this big rift in how homestuck itself presents the opinions it wants you to agree with, those characters just..... not only do not mind most of the time but even if they do its never in a way that allows them agency in the matter. thats the crux of it all for me actually, hes by far one of the most autonomous characters of the bunch and it feels frequently like his agency is at the expense of others because hes a self insert.

um ok tldr hes annoying and him being the Face of homestuck is like..... accurate but in the most painful nightmare way because he kind of just. Is homestuck. to me.

(and i actually do see iterations of him sometimes that i find compelling but they all feel so detached from how hes presented in the comic that it just feels like someones oc. all of this said also i actually kind of have an absurd amount of thoughts on how he would act post game (epilogues ignored here) just i dont bother to do much with em because dave likers would hate it and other dave haters probably wouldnt care enough lol. also always secondary info anyways, hes finally allowed irrelevency in My city)

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25

I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!

...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding.  (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)

So are we gonna follow up on the main ship?  Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right?  We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????

Yeah, probably.

Ugh, more Dirk.  I guess it’s overdue.  :(

> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair

Oh huh, I guess not?  So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?

Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.

Pretty much, yeah.  Can’t blame either of them.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well.  Low-point.  Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.

He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.

Can’t move.  No Breath huh?  What’s going to get him to, then?

> (==>)

Oh boy, that might help.  XD  She’s pretty good at that.

> (==>)

Still with the waistline gap.  And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

Nice, huh!  No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back.  He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess.  (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)

ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered

YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT

ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin

Heheheh.  Gosh Roxy is always the best.

JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.

Hah.

JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.

Yep!  Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor.  Definitely something Roxy can do well.~

> (==>)

EXCUSE ME.  What is that outfit and pose.  Did you--

ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.

Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room

Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling.  JFC

Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap 

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU

> (==>)

Yea this seems like a fucc room.

JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there

So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good

Ah geez.

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Well, that’ll buff out easy.

ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.

Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass  (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)

Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.

That would be the feeling.

> (==>)

MY GOD.  Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit

She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it

JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--

So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry?  Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.

> (==>)

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

boot knockin XD

ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.

Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.

Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars?  Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something?  (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task?  And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)

John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.

He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.

Just put your feet up yeah

> (==>)

WHAT A CUTE IMAGE

JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud

she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far

ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened

Ouch.  Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was.  (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous?  I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)

ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"

Talk it ouuuut~~  get those feels out there and articulated john

JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.

I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit?  Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Oh shit

ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep

Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?

ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on

It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little

ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences

OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement

ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind

Okay no.  Wait.  What the fuck?

First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,

Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!?  Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES.  God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN!  And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise!  If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!?  And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they??  This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to.  FUCK.

This feels stupid.

ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?

Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.

> (==>)

JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here

THANK FUCKING CHRIST.

If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad.  Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is.  OF COURSE.

ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good

Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it

ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push

eyeroll, but yeah, of course

> (==>)

Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.

> (==>)

Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????

That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it????  For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or

ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean

Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing.  And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely.  :)

JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me

I don’t have any big theories.  Is it just the Hiveswap device or something?  If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.

> (==>)

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^

Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.

> (==>)

THEY’RE SO CUTE

JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u

Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline.  Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).

CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.

Vital conversation?  What sorta truth-bombs are coming?

CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^

Holy SHIT that was savage!  And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~

JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.

Uh oh.

Hopefully babies aren’t involved.

JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.

Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?

JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.

Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction.  “ok.”  Pretty much inevitable.

CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)

And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.

CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):

Yeah shake him out of this shit.

ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u

Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.

CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)

This is all gold

ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.

Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility.  Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John.  ...Whatever.

CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

No?  So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

What the heck?  Calliope SAW all this?  Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there?  And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already.  Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?

JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.

Um, what?

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep.  Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline.  It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Ah fuck.  You’re going to regulate non-canon?  “Canonize” it?  Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?

ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)

Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.

JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol

YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.

..............................

OOooooh, kay.

Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it.  Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point.  Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention!  That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!

They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough.  Huh.

ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?

Love with who? Callie, John, both?

In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.

Oh shit.  Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.

> (==>)

Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska.  Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--?  Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?!  I don’t know.  Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????

Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.

JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska

No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there.  But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.

JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!

How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?!  Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.

Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.

[ardenttheories]

Homestuck's always been antagonistic and insensitive, but I don't recall seeing any of you try to dox Hussie? But please, continue to rationalise how cyberbullying lgbt people for not being nice enough and having opinions about a fictional character you disagree with puts you in the right. A story doesn't go the way you'd like and this is how you respond? You COULD have just not bothered reading it instead of CHOOSING to make your online life about something you hate like a toxic weirdo.

Hi, Kate. I’m so glad you could find my blog. (Edit: that was a joke. Apparently, some anons find it impossible to tell that I don’t actually think you’re Kate). It’s clear to me that you didn’t take the time to read through any of the content that’s actually on here, since you’re throwing around rather wild accusations, so let me take this down step by step.

Homestuck has only rarely been antagonistic and insensitive. Things like the Alpha Trolls - which were clear criticisms of fandom culture - were relatively few and far between, and when we complained about them, they actually stopped. Remind me, for instance, how relevant the Alpha Trolls were to the plot? How long they stayed as mockeries towards the fandom? Yeah, not long. I actually have talked about this before on the blog - alongside other things I thought were negative towards the fandom from the original comic - but the difference here is that... in the entirety of Homestuck, these things were outliers and inconsistencies. They stuck out because they were in stark contrast to the otherwise wonderfully handled content Homestuck went over.

For instance, Homesuck is critical of abuse - especially in terms of relationships. We see through a critical lense the shit normalisation of parental abuse can do to a child - with actual talk of triggers and of the mental and emotional scarring left behind, and the complexities of the child’s feelings towards the parent’s death through Dave - and we see how self destructive relationships can be, how harmful they are, and how hard it can be to leave them - such as Terezi’s very toxic blackrom with Gamzee, which was always portrayed as something negative and harmful especially with how worried Karkat was for her and how withdrawn she became during its run, and Dirk’s relationship with Jake, which goes very much over how communication can cause a deterioration in romantic relationships especially when the two participants have conflicting mental illnesses. 

It also goes over how men, though they can be mired in toxic masculinity, can choose to be good. How sometimes we’re not born as good people, but we can become good people through the love we have for the people around us, through frequent attempts to check what we’re doing, through the sheer willpower to be good. Dirk’s entire arc, knowing that he could very easily become Bro but deciding he doesn’t want to be, that it’s something he wants to work on, is so important and incredibly powerful. Mental illness in men is often just given as an excuse to make them violent with no attempts at betterment - so Dirk actually existed as proof that you don’t have to be that stereotype. 

In contrast, Homestuck^2 completely uncritically gave Jade, who was cis, a dog dick, made her, a bisexual woman, a sex maniac and the yaoi “woman who gets in the way of the gays” trope, made her a cheater and someone who forced her partner into the relationship to begin with, and made her a neglectful mother after having cheated with her best lesbian friend in something that has incredible recall to just about every futanari video ever - and they tried to claim that this was good representation of trans women, actually, and that the only reason we didn’t like it is that Jade is “a woman” who “has sex”.

Likewise completely uncritically, they made Gamzee, an anti-black stereotype, enter a relationship with Jane, a fascist, and then made the entire thing into a cuck joke wherein Jake being frequently drunk and sexually assaulted was funny because he wasn’t “man enough”. They then forced him to go back to his abuser after he left her in a scene that read very much like, “ridiculous man thinks woman is abusing him, go back and do your manly job”. 

This, of course, doesn’t even go into the travesty that is any form of trans representation in the comic. Roxy, a trans man, is barely even focused on as trans; they make no attempt to enforce in the fandom that he’s a trans man the way they do that June is a trans woman, and even then, they seem to think that just saying someone is a trans woman is actually good representation. Not, like, bringing it into the comic - just saying that it’s a thing. And of course, that’s not even going into the completely uncritical lense they have of Vriska, wherein her being a trans woman completely frees her of any and all blame for the past abuses she has comitted, and once again she becomes an amazing character to save the day without a single flaw - which in turn inherently associates trans women with abuse apologism, abusers, and the ideology that just because we’re trans we can get away with anything scott free. 

I honestly cannot think of one instance of good and genuine representation in Homesuck^2, nor can I think of any scene where negative content was actually treated as the negative thing it actually is. There’s no critical lense at all, not like we have in Homestuck; there’s just no fucking comparison. And this isn’t a one-off situation, either. Whereas Homestuck does do fuck ups - isn’t perfect - in between the otherwise brilliant content, Homestuck^2 is just founded upon these horrific takes. There’s almost no good content in between, and what is left is a slog to get through when surrounded by the thick slurry of shit that compromises futa Jade, abuse apologism Vriska, and victim blaming Jake. 

Of course, we didn’t “doxx” Hussie. Hussie actually listened to our complaints, for the most part, and worked with us to create something that worked well. The way Homestuck^2 was touted to work. You know, since it was meant to be written with the fandom in mind, influenced by the things we suggest and react to. We went into Homestuck^2 with the explicit idea that we were going to be listened to and taken into consideration when it was being written - the way we were with old Homestuck. I’m very sorry to say that, when you make these expectations, people are going to be a titchy bit upset when you then commandeer the entire thing and exclude the fandom from any of the process that you said they were going to be part of.

Additionally, it’s rather funny, isn’t it, that what you call doxxing is actually just people upset with how triggering content is being handled, and going to the people who actually wrote the content in order to voice their complaints? It’s almost as if social media exists to allow this communication between reader and author, which is a fundamental thing you’ll learn in any creative writing course, such as the one I’m on currently, wherein you’re actually taught how to respond to social media and to build up your image with your fans. 

Homestuck^2 is an ongoing piece of media. We’re well aware that we have a potential to change these uncritical takes and the horrific way they’re being handled if the writers will just listen to genuine criticism. This is, frankly, no different to the people who go to J. K. Rowling’s Twitter to tell her how harmful her transphobic comments are; because if she believes these things, they will work their way into her texts and will perpetuate harmful ideologies. 

The literal same thing is happening in Homestuck^2 - again, such as futa Jade, which normalises the point of view that bisexuals are cheaters and completely trivialises what it means to be trans, or Gamzee, which perpetuates just about every anti-black stereotype possible. Media does have a very powerful impact on what people see in the real world. This is why, for instance, positive black characters are so important in media; if they’re always portrayed as villains, then people will see real world black people as villains as the ideology is perpetuated to the point of fact. This is especially true if the people already believe in the ideology.

Fiction is one of the best ways that we can counteract this cycle. If you make a character that they like, and they happen to be positive representation, and then they watch more media that is likewise positive representation, it’s more likely to stick that these positive representations are the actual experiences of minority groups. Also? It’s important TO those minority groups. A black person, especially right now, doesn’t want to see an anti-black stereotype fuck a fascist, engage in sexual assult, and then enact pedophilia - only to die at the hands of a hero and be laughed at for the death. Surprisingly, shit like this is why we need to tell the writers that what they’re doing is harmful, that they’re perpetuating phobic ideologies, and that we need better representation - especially in a comic that is this widely read, and also has a very large minor fanbase. 

I shouldn’t need to explain why exposing minors to anti-black stereotypes, transphobic, homophobic, biphobic, abuse apologism, victim blaming, and the trivialisation of rape and sexual assault (especially towards men), might be a federal fucking issue. 

So, no, we’re not actually cyberbullying LGBT+ people. We’re trying to hold shitty writers accountable for the incredibly toxic and harmful ideologies they’re forcing into a text that has always been written with critical thought in mind. 

I should also point out how funny it is that you’re focusing on how some of the writers are LGBT+ - as if we’re not? I’m trans, I’m gay, and I’m ace. Yes, I can actually be these things and absolutely furious that a trans women is writing some of the most transphobic shit I’ve seen in a while into characters she then claims to be completely free of blame. We can be furious that people within our own community are enforcing negative stereotypes.

Being LGBT+ does not make them free from blame. We cannot give them a free pass to be racist, to be transphobic, to be homophobic, biphobic, to be abuse apologists, just because they’re LGBT+. Not only because that’s just a terrible fucking idea to begin with, but because it also reflects so, so badly on the community as a whole. As if being part of the community instantly means that you can do no wrong? As if there can be no toxicity within our own community, despite the fact that there very much is and it is still an issue to this day?

That is such an issue, one of the biggest issues even shown just in Vriska and the way Kate handles her as a whole - and, once again, is WHY we need to get them looking at this shit more critically. This view that LGBT+ people can do no wrong and cannot be criticised is shoved into Homestuck^2 and, once again, perpetuates the ideology. This isn’t something to be proud of. This isn’t something that’s actually okay.

Also, your point that the writers aren’t nice enough and that we disagree on fictional characters - well, I’ve already been over the second part. But for the first part, I would like to remind you that they aren’t just random LGBT+ people on the internet that we’re going to because we think their takes are a little shitty. They’re actual writers working on a piece of media. They are official content creators. 

Again, one of the first things you learn on any creative writing course is that when you become a writer, you gain a significant amount of responsibility for your interactions with the fandom. This is something that you genuinely have to expect, and if you don’t, then, unfortunately you just don’t know what it means to write something that thousands of people have a potential to read. As a writer, it is your responsibility to portray your image online; it is your responsibility to engage with the fans in a meaningful way; it is your responsibility to not cause drama and to listen when criticism is brought up, to have genuine discussion and not to perpetuate hatred - especially towards your own fanbase.

Consider, for instance, the way I’m talking to you right now. This is the sort of tone that someone should take when talking to a fan about genuine criticism. When things are brought up, you go over them step by step, you listen, you write back - you don’t go on a flurry of “fuck yous” to a minor who asked you why your team didn’t post anything about the BLM movement on the official Twitter, and you definitely don’t respond to every comment with genuine criticism with the word “pigshit”. You almost definitely don’t tell your trans masculine and masculine-aligned nonbinary fans that their opinions don’t matter.

As a writer, Kate and the rest of the team have a responsibility with their interactions with their fans. They aren’t just normal fandom voices anymore; they’re official fandom voices, voices that have more weight behind them than anyone else. They’re who people are going to turn to when it comes to anything regarding Homestuck^2. Their words now reflect literally everything about Homestuck^2, the future of Homestuck as an expanded universe, and the opinions of the group as a whole. They have to be careful with what they say. They have to be held to the same standards as industry voices because that’s essentially what they are - especially now that Homestuck is something you pay for. 

Also, this isn’t a point of the story not going the way I want. This is a point of many of people in the fandom being upset with how content is being handled, upset that their voices are being shut down, upset that triggering content is being laughed at or used flippantly and without care or respect. This is people being upset that trigger warnings were removed specifically to make the comic unsafe for them as a punishment for daring to say that something was wrong. This is people being upset that a piece of media that used to be so fucking good at portraying sensitive content in a critical light, that used to be so good at normalising LGBT+ identities and healthy representations of those identities, has suddenly turned to this. 

The story can go whatever way it wants - and frankly, that’s fine be my. What isn’t fine is that content is being used specifically to hurt and to incite.

And, of course, that final piece; nothing will improve if we don’t say that it’s wrong to begin with. Someone needs to voice the complaints of the fanbase, othrewise these toxic ideologies are going to go unchecked. One of the biggest things I’ve come to understand while making these posts is that a significant portion of the fandom feels isolated in their hurt; they don’t think other people feel the same way they do, and several people have mentioned feeling like they were going crazy because they were upset with things that the text and writers are normalising. It’s so important to make sure that these people know they’re not alone. It’s so important to make sure that our voices are heard. It’s so important to try and create critical discussion and debate over something that so many people still fucking love. 

The thing is, I don’t hate Homestuck^2. I actually really, desperately wish I could enjoy it. I wish I could read through it and theorise, could go in depth about how amazing the characters are, could write long and extensive posts on how creative and engaging it is - could even just go on about how interesting the Meat-Candy divide is, and all the points they’re trying to make about canonicity. But I genuinely fucking can’t. There is just so, so much wrong in the text that is completely unrelated to plot and to the overarching Point that makes it impossible for me to read, to want to read, to try to encourage other people to read. They’re things that literally don’t need to be in there, either; stereotypes and toxic ideologies and uncritical or badly handled sensitive topics that could be rectified so, so easily. 

Homestuck^2 could be amazing for a lot of the fandom. It could be something that we all rally around the same way we did for the original comic. For for a lot of people, it has ruined their fandom experience, has ruined their desire to want to read anything more to do with Homestuck, and has caused a significant portion of the fandom to just drop out entirely. That in and of itself should be a sign that this isn’t just a little fandom drama. That this is something much bigger and much more serious that, just maybe, needs to be looked into, talked about, understood - and, potentially, changed. 

[confused-android]

Day 16, Dirk - Dance

-------------------------------

Dirk leans up against the bar, a pint in one hand, and looks around the room with wide eyes. It's already a week into the semester, but students are out in full force, and they are --

Well, they are something, that's for sure.

It's not his first time consuming alcohol -- Steve had already taken care of that their first week together -- but it's his first time in a bar, and it is fascinating. It's loud and there is music playing, and the booths and high tops are full, and the seats in front of the bar are full, and there are even people shoved up between the seats at the bar, all trying to get the bartender's attention. Steve had gotten Dirk's beer for him, and Dirk is drinking it slowly. It's not the most enjoyable flavor, but he likes the lingering bitterness on his tongue, and the heady feeling that being halfway through the pint is giving him. Steve is in the long line for the toilets, and so Dirk is watching the students exist in the manner that students in a bar exist.

He's twenty-one, probably, so he's a few years older than most of the people around him. They're all eighteen and nineteen and desperate to be drunk. (Most of the third and fourth year students have finished desperately drinking alcohol at the beginning of the term, and are saving it for the end of the term when they need it most.) It's strange, being a few years older than all of his classmates. They know far more than he does about the world, and about being a student, and how to be -- be -- be people. But he knows more about how things can go poorly, and what it's like not having somewhere warm to sleep, or food to eat, or someone to trust.

Not that he knows every single student's backstory. Some of them might know similar things to him. But none of them are looking over their shoulders, or watching the doors, or jumping when someone comes up behind him. 

"Cjelli," says a voice, and a hands claps his shoulder. Dirk jumps.

"Oh!" he shouts, and drops his pint glass, and whips around. It's Steve, and he's grinning broadly, madly, and Dirk sucks in a gasp and tries to force his shoulders to relax. "Oh," he says again, a little more quietly, and stoops to pick up his empty glass. There's a puddle of Guinness by his feet and he frowns down at it, slightly bereft at its loss, and guilty at the mess.

"Fuck," Steve says, and crowds closer to Dirk. "I'm sorry, I forgot you don't like that shit. Can I get you another?"

Dirk wants to protest, knows that the second round is, by tradition, his to buy, but he's low on pocket money for the week. He needs to take some time to wander Cambridge and find a few lost cats to return for reward money, but he's swamped in his classes, and doesn't really have the time to randomly stroll about and wait for a cat to come running up to him, either demanding affection or scratching the shit out of him. "Yes," he says to Steve, pathetically grateful. "I would like another. I think I liked this one."

"Good, that's good," Steve enthuses. "When you didn't like the cider, I worried that you weren't a beer man, but you're a Guinness lad, and that's excellent."

He shoulders his way up to the bar and flags down the bartender easily, orders two pints and two shots of whiskey. "Both for you?" Dirk asks, curious.

"Nah," Steve says. "Time for you to taste whiskey, too." He slides Dirk's pint and his shot over, and they clink rims. Steve downs his shot in one swallow, then moves to his pint. Dirk takes a cautious sip of the whiskey and shoots a wounded look at Steve.

"Burns!" he squawks, and Steve bursts out laughing, almost spits his beer on Dirk's jacket.

That's the thing about Steve. Or, about Steve with Dirk. He's incredibly kind to Dirk, buys him drinks and shows him around the city and explains social mores to him, and how to get a hold of his advisor. In return, it seems, Steve has a front row seat to The Dirk Show. Every time Dirk trips over his own feet, or has to climb into their dorm room through the window, or accidentally insults an entire gaggle of instructors, Steve is right there, laughing along with Dirk. Or, sometimes, at Dirk. Dirk thinks maybe Steve thinks that Dirk can't tell when he's being laughed at, but he can. It's more that he doesn't really mind. And Steve is his roommate, and hasn't let him sleep in the street or get too lost, so it seems very worth it to provide the entertainment that he knows is being had, largely at his expense.

"You have to swallow it all in one go," Steve says, when he's managed to stop laughing. "There's whiskey that tastes good to sip, but this is shit. You're just meant to drink it quickly, get it over with."

"Why?" Dirk wonders, but he answers his own question in unison with Steve. "That's just how you do it." Steve says that a lot, when he's teaching Dirk things. Dirk wonders, vaguely, how often Steve is lying, but doesn't bother dwelling on it. As it stands now, Steve is the closest thing he has to a friend, so he'll believe him until he has a reason not to.

Dirk takes a deep breath to steel himself and throws the rest of the shot back. It burns his mouth again, but this time he swallows quickly and follows it up with a hurried gulp of the beer, feels it etch a pathway down his throat. He coughs a few times and glares up at Steve, but looks slightly less betrayed this time. "Ugh," he says finally. "I'm not doing that again." He shakes his head firmly and turns back to the beer.

By the time he's halfway through this pint, though, the beer and the whiskey have done their jobs, and Dirk is well on his way to inebriated. Not quite hand in hand with drunk, perhaps, but he's met tipsy and buzzed and already passed them by. Soused is walking near to him and looks to be making a daring approach.

He's not the only one, either. The bar full of students are excited to have found Friday night, and are doing their best to keep the bartender busy. The volume of music is rising with the energy, and the room is packed. Dirk feels lucky to have a stool by the bar to perch on, even if Steve is crammed up in front of him and other patrons keep shoving right up behind him to order drinks. At some point, one of Steve's friends comes by and orders chips, and Dirk snags a few of them. They soak up the beer and the whiskey and the nerves, all of them mixing in the bottom of his stomach, and he feels rather good. At one point though, he looks over Steve's shoulder and must make some kind of face because Steve looks behind himself, then back to Dirk, and says, "alright there?"

"Hm?" says Dirk. "Oh yes, I'm very well, thank you. I'm just wondering what's going on back there."

Steve turns to look again, and then to Dirk. "What's going on where?"

Dirk gestures vaguely, his eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. "You know, the weird moving thing that's going on. With the – the – the girls in pink and green and brown. With their arms and their legs and their bums."

Steve asks, "the ones dancing?"

Dirk says, "no, they're not dancing. They're just moving in time to the music."

"…that's dancing, Dirk."

"You're joking."

Steve looks at Dirk like Dirk is the one joking. Only, Dirk knows what dancing is. He used to do it with his mother, when he was very young. When they lived together, and when she was still alive, and when he was still happy. This is not that. He tells Steve, "dancing is when you hug someone and you sway. This isn't that."

"That's a kind of dancing," Steve says near to patiently. "But any way you move your body to any kind of music, that's dancing."

Dirk lifts one hand off the bar and waves it back and forth. "Is this dancing then?"

"Don't be a twat," Steve says, but he looks genuinely uncertain as to whether Dirk is being a twat, or actually doesn't know what dancing is. "It's a little more than that. With your, I dunno. Your body."

Dirk wiggles his body on the stool where he's sitting and looks up at Steve with quizzical eyebrows. Steve shrugs and nods halfway. Dirk wiggles a little more and slides off the bar stool, and Steve laughs at him again, only Dirk laughs also this time, because it is pretty funny that he slid off the bar stool, right? He lets Steve take his place, so the seat isn't lost to someone they don't know, and Dirk peers over the crowd to the bunch of girls who are dancing, again. He tries to do what they're doing, which is mostly just shifting their bodies with the beat of some boppy Europop song that Dirk is about to become obsessed with, and swooshing their arms through the air. It works, sort of, in that Dirk feels a little silly, but also a lot happy. He thinks that if dancing is just about moving with music, it's probably also about being happy.

"Am I doing it?" he asks Steve. "Am I dancing?"

"Yeah, you're dancing, mate," Steve says. He has kind of a funny look on his face, but it doesn't seem like he's setting Dirk up for some kind of punch line, so Dirk just lets himself move and sway and swoosh to the music. It's fun. It's really fun, actually! The alcohol in his system is making him feel free and light and a little unsteady, and the music is making him feel energetic and engaged, and everything is kind of incredible! He's at university! He has a bed of his own, and a room with one other person, but the door is never locked from the outside! He gets food every single evening, and he's allowed to keep snacks under his bed, as long as they're in a plastic tub (as the Porter came around and told him that). He can even choose to not go to classes! Not that he should do that very often, or ever. But he can choose to, if he wants! And he can be silly or absurd, like he's being right now! He's – he's dancing!

It won't be his last time dancing, that's for sure. And somehow, that thought is as comforting as it is exciting. He can dance whenever he wants!

“Steve!” he says. “Dance with me!”

“No way,” Steve says, finishing off the rest of Dirk’s pint. Dirk would be indignant, but he’s pretty sure that he’s had enough alcohol for tonight, and Steve seems to need more than he does. 

“But it’s really fun,” Dirk informs him, quite earnestly. “I’m just moving my body, and it’s lovely!”

“Yeah, Dirk,” Steve says. “I’ve done it before. Everyone’s done it before. Except you, because you’re from some extremely weird shit.”

“I am!” Dirk says. “I am from some extremely weird shit, You have no idea how weird my shit is from. So dance with me!”

Steve looks like that connection makes no sense to him, and he shakes his head, but he looks marginally less sure this time. Dirk grabs Steve’s hand, large and a little too warm, and tugs him forward. Steve resists for a moment longer, then grabs his jacket and throws it on the stool, looks hopefully at it, as if it will save the seat from being taken by some wobbly undergraduate. And then he’s standing in front of Dirk, and Dirk is beaming madly. “Yes!” he says. “Yes! This is amazing! Dance with me!”

Steve rolls his eyes tolerantly, but he moves, just a little bit. He sways from side to side, hemmed in by crowds of people looking to drink and socialize, and he dances with Dirk. Dirk crows in victory, and then he’s dancing with Steve. He wonders, deep inside his chest, where his hope lives, if this might be what having a friend is like. He hopes Steve will become his friend and that they will dance together every Friday night. 

He likes this a lot.

-----------------------

Link to: day one, Farah - Youth day two, Farah - Dance day three, Farah - Gore day four, Farah - GNC fashion day five, Farah - AU day six, Farah - Family (to be written) day seven, Farah - Pride (to be written) day eight, Todd - Youth (to be written) day nine, Todd - Dance (to be written) day ten, Todd - Gore day eleven, Todd - GNC Fashion day twelve, Todd - AU day thirteen, Todd - Family day fourteen, Todd - Pride (to be written) day fifteen, Dirk - Youth

prompt list

[theorynexus]

Fifty and Four sends us cresting over the hill, if we weren’t already. How long until we hit the bottom?

Oh ho? Jane’s perspective again, huh?  ‘t’s been a while.

EEEHHHH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!   Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh, that is not good!

Rrrrgh, she does not need to be building up a habit like that!    The consequences of such use are far too severe and unpredictable, even if you don’t consider the potential negatives to one’s psychological health. >.< Gosh... even with her Life aspect probably protecting her a little bit from its sugary after-effects, reading that makes me feel sick.  > ~~~ <

Figures that a Cherub would be biased in favor of it. At least Alt!Calliope is willing distance herself and try to be objective, though.

***giggles uncontrollably, even though this honestly shouldn’t be funny***

Very politically-minded, but it also sortof sounds like the excuse-making that an addict would engage in, so I am not convinced that this is a legitimate argument.  Yeah, shoring up your base is important, but doing something that could strongly alienate swing voters is not necessarily wise, either.  I suspect she knows this too, but is in denial about the fact of the matter, because she enjoys the benefits of Trickster Mode too much. It is quite interesting that the human kingdom’s subjects appreciate it so much~

HAAAAA. Oh my fricking gosh, Alt!Calliope is a Cherub Supremacist! XD  

(Sortof makes sense, based on the mindsets that were described in Aranea’s [?] talk about the Cherubs’ origins, though. Might be biologically-driven, honestly.) Also, it’s quite interesting to see Jane interacting with Alt!Calliope like that, but it is hardly unique or overly-noteworthy, all things considered... at least, most likely. Quite a few other characters have responded to narration in a similar manner.

... Honestly, I was about to freak out about the Juju getting covered in dirt and grime, but the way she tossed away probably significant keepsakes, trophies, or the like for the sake of honoring it is... quite disturbing, and speaks to a danger in her presumably worsening compulsion/habit.  Though they might just be cookies.

Dirk displays surprising wisdom/good judgment, here, and amusingly alludes to the fact that his voice is being otherwise suppressed.   His actually talking in a scene represents a nice sort of loophole, but not one by which he can utilize such control as he would otherwise be capable.    ... And yes, her burning out is a very legitimate concern, which speaks to the fact that Dirk definitely+legitimately cares about the things that serve his purposes and/or agendas. They, he is willing to more gently guard, comparatively, it would seem.

It feels like this is a reference to something, probably from the 1980s or early 90s, but I can’t place my finger on it. Oh well.

This is very amusing, honestly.

Deeeeeerp.      (Yet another example of why it is difficult to take his attempt at super-godhood seriously... or at least find it anything better than dreadful.  Dirk is great at juggling many things at once, but not as great as he’d need to be. )

Oh, and I appreciate Jane’s concern for Dirk.  She is indeed correct in saying that he is usually much better at it than my previous comment might have suggested. But I am not entirely being unfair, insofar as this is true: the greater the responsibility one wields, the greater the level of competence one must have in order to pass proper muster.  He was failing in his attempt. I didn’t really give him all that much of a chance to sway me, honestly, but my own demeanor in dealing with him had nothing to do with the actual quality of his work.

This must be really concerning to Jane.  And... honestly, yes he is. They are very, very similar. Dirk is just more obvious with his intelligence, more controlled, and more mature. They are both highly ambitious, crave challenges, enjoy art, have quite a bit of masculine pride, and have a shared appreciation for irony, riddles, and absurdist humor.     Caliborn was likely very, very influenced by Dirk in particular, both of them received Yaldabaoth as their Denizen due to their personality and prowess, and both of them are highly manipulative men of questionable morality.   Also, their sexual interests seem to be somewhat similar, but that is a debatable matter. Lord English has Lil’ Hal integrated as part of his soul, Lil’ Cal has played a profound part in both of their (multiple) life cycles.  Finally:  as of the Epilogue and his attempted control of the narrative seen therein, Dirk essentially has pursued the same goal that LE did: domination of Paradox Space through his will controlling the natural flow of events. Dirk and Caliborn are in truth extremely alike.

I do so very much like where this is going. It would seem that we will soon find out precisely what Dirk is planning. “Diminishes and ascends” has an interesting ring to it, as well.  That red rifle:  Is it the one that launches portals? Honestly, Dirk is indeed quite clever, by the way. He has the seeds of great potential.  It’s simply that it has not fully bloomed, yet, and he is a little bit overly full of himself, and arrogant in what he believes he can do.  And yes, he is indeed temperamental when people interfere with his plans, it seems.

There’s the scheming politician we’ve all been waiting for. Way to go, thinking in such calculated manners and considering backstabbing ones you care about, Jane. Somewhat petty, and certainly rather dangerous, all things considered (things are a bit more explosive, where gods are involved), but closer to the political ideal which I would hope for if she were to be portrayed as competent. (Of course, I am actually disgusted with that sort of behavior. It’s one of the things I dislike about politics. I’ll recognize that it at least paints her in a slightly better light than the previous samplings of her thought process and tactical capacity has; thus, I generally like and dislike where this is going.)

Yep. Angelic purity with sexual potency/desire. There has always been this sort of tension in Hope’s nature. Just like the fact that angels are, in Biblical texts, both symbols of terror and destruction as well as hope and salvation. All (almost all?) the important positive interactions with heavenly beings start with fear on the part of mortals, followed by a “Fear not!” to suggest they come in peace. Otherwise, they come bringing judgment and wrath, and thus don’t tend to bother much with formalities.

Is that sarcasm, Jane?  If not, there’s certainly a heavy layer of irony. Do remember what just happened with Jane when she invited Jape Jake over for a friendly visit, not too long ago, my good audience members.

...   ***twitches, and tries very hard to hold in the inappropriate laughter***

If only I had someone so dependable to tell me when I was not dwelling far enough into the land of Always Woke.   Perhaps then I would be able to avoid the inevitable scandals that would result from Foot-in-the-Mouth-itis. Oh, wait, no politician can avoid being attacked for various probably minor accidents on their part as the populace naturally over-reacts to what honestly may not actually reflect their character so much as them being accident prone or ignorant?  What’s that about manipulation of audio/video recordings for the sake of generating useful sound bites that might be used in an attempt to impugn the honor of any prospective candidate?  Oh. I see. Thank you for that important bit of knowledge that I otherwise might not have had access to, imaginary adviser.  (Note:  I do not actually believe that one should try to be as careful as possible with regards to what one says; nor that one should ignore or scorn important social issues. I am utilizing exaggeration and mockery for the sake of comedy.) ... Alt!Calliope’s description of Dirk holding the rifle is quite elegant and beautiful.

This is indeed a beautiful irony, seeing the situation with regards to Dirk and Alt!Calliope’s tendencies toward bias being reversed.  

***snickers***   Magnifique. 

It is strange to see Alt!Calliope teasing and egging him on. It may be unintentional. Hard to say.

[abundantchewtoys]

Homestuck Candy p9-12

Page 9

Well, it's good/bad to see Jade, Karkat and Dave are as much a disaster in this timeline as the previous one.

So Jade is definitely a buff girl, being able to lift them both like that.

And she coyishly set Dave up, inteding for him to fib himself into a corner, exposing his true feelings. But alas, all her logic cannot achieve here what it took Dirk an excessive amount of meddling to do. I am starting to wonder how these versions of Dave and Karkat are going to end up acknowledging their feelings.

It's also a bit weird to see Jade's flirting. In the sense that she doesn't appear to be clear on what relationship she is after with them. She's shipping Dave and Karkat as matesprits/red rom. But she's also maintaining all the black signals she shared with Karkat in the session. So it wouldn't be a red polyamorous relationship, something more clusterfucky.

Dave tried to message Dirk - I'm actually kind of curious what would've happened if he had succeeded. But - coincidence or not, narrative meddling or not - he was prevented from doing so.

It's hilarious to consider that this anticlimactic parting of ways is how they spend most of the "dates" Jade takes them out on. As she said she was going to eat spaghetti alone *again*.

Speaking of *again*: KARKAT: WE ARE NEVER HAVING A PLAYDATE WITH DIRK AND JAKE AGAIN

It's funny, come to think of it, to call this a noodle incident, as they were going out to eat spaghetti when Karkat said this.

---

Page 10

Okay wow.

Wow okay.

So... John's unsure where he stands, or wants to stand, with Roxy. He's feeling like he might be breaking into something here, with her and Calliope.

That was exactly what he was worrying about in the Meat timeline too, with an added feeling of being too late. But, he's right. Whatever he says, he's not dumb, he still picks up on some things, and he knows there's more between them.

What surprised me is to see how Roxy turns out to not actually be that "girly" underneath after all in this path, so the point of diversion I talked about earlier might really have been John's choice.

It's just that, whatever bothers her about her identity, those worries seem to fall by the wayside when she's with John! N'aww. I still feel like she should talk things through with him (and Calliope), since whatever she went through in the Meat timeline didn't just come from thin air, she must have been going through these issues for years.

John does feel like he can't completely parse Roxy, which we know is normal. But it would be great if they could talk more, that we get more info from her. The setting of this "Hakuna Matata" atmosphere that permeates the Candy timeline to some extent, might mean that she doesn't swing all the way to nonbinary male-presenting. But she's definitely not okay, feeling pressured into presenting as a feminine woman. It puts into perspective Mom's behaviour as well - fleeing into booze for all the things that were bothering her about herself.

Also, more references to the fact that John was quite miserable alone in his house for these years, and didn't know what to do about it.

Dave's sudden appearance was unexpected! It implies this takes place the same night as the previous page. But Dave only travels through time, so did he, like - fly all the way over to the consort kingdom to see John?

It seems that Dave could've used John to confide in during the Meat timeline as well. I'm assuming he's about to ask for some advice, or soliloquy at John to get to an epiphany, about how to handle his relationship with Jade... and Karkat.

Meanwhile, John is steadily keeping his conversation with Terezi going - which I'm just silently squeeing over. No matter if this Terezi is the same as the one in the Meat timeline. After his feelings for Roxy, and potential feelings for Rose he doesn't even want to think about - he's still harboring that same attraction as Meat John.

And yes, their conversations here are also a treat to read. I know that when Roxy and John first interacted I was definitely on board with shipping them, but I've gotten the feeling during the epilogues that they've grown too far apart, each struggling with issues the other can more difficultly relate to. While Terezi and John's chemistry still rings true with me.

But now's John's going to continue texting Terezi while en route to the spot Dave's chosen for their bro talk, hahah, this'll end up being awkward too. Especially taking into account that Dave and Terezi were an item during the Game Over timeline too.

---

Page 11

Wow.

Okay so the conversation with Terezi wasn't shown.

But we did get something much better - Dave and John actually discussing something deep and deeply personal.

Unfortunately, John doesn't have the romantic experience to be able to give Dave solid advice. But he did ask some of the right questions. Even if it were questions Dave was already struggling with, it must've have been at least a bit validating.

I think John doesn't give himself enough credit - even if he couldn't help Dave, he was *there* for him. Few people are able to do that, be there, at the right moment.

The reference to the coin flip was indeed unintentionally ill-put, yeah. It reeks of Felt Dave and the horrendous decision Dave faced in deciding to kill him or not.

Dave's torn up, thinking that he has a responsibility toward Jade and Karkat to go into this relationship. But he has to come in the clear first on what he's feeling and what he wants for himself.

I imagine that there's a bigger than zero chance he won't take up Jade on her flirting after all. He wasn't leading her on at this point, Jade has started being rather intrusive on them, if I'm honest.

Meanwhile, Roxy and John are still going to end up continuing there date. Leave it to Roxy to leave a wrong date venue carrying all the breadsticks she can. :D Reference to the meme secured!

I do wonder if Dave is going to be able to contact Dirk at all. What state could he be in.

Also, Dave momentarily showing to John as transparent reminds me of how Rose looked to Dirk during her ascension during Meat. That might indicate something about the events to come.

It would be wild if Dave had some big epiphany moment rocketing his Ultimate Self development skyward all of a sudden.

---

Page 12

...

Well.

For a full minute there I was wondering if Jake would in fact be one of the people noticing something wrong going on with everyone.

But alas, it was not meant to be. He was again characteristically hoisted by his own desire not to hurt anyone's feelings.

Still, hmmm. So they all agreed to never use the Spiral Sucker unsupervised, huh. Dang, another strike against Meat Jane. :/

---

So far this week, we've read 4 pages each night, and again this seems like a good moment to stop. Tally ho!

[gal-liveblogs]

A parting gift from an old flame, it was given to one of my splinters in a distant timeline before ending up in my posession via lots of complicated shit that I don't wanna get into.

O.K. So someone gave some version of Dirk Hussie painting of a quarterback fighting a horse. I have an intense desire to know who.

"Dear Dirk, In memory of our precious time together. When you look at it, think of me, and be reminded that while we breathe, we Hope." -B.O

Oh fuck me, it was Obama. Jesus Christ, I can’t.

O.K., I had been wondering what this stuff in the corner was, but didn’t comment as I couldn’t think of how to describe them. Now, though, we have a bigger picture and that’s a cherub paint set and an old troll horn headband. Probably Calliope’s stuff.

This set of paints and the charred remains of my HORNED HEADBAND are the only surviving relics of the first and last WORLDWIDE INTERSPECIES ROLEPLAYING SESSION we ever attempted on Earth C.

Oh. Not Calliope’s. They are, in fact, Dirk’s. The Interspecies Roleplaying Session was probably orchestrated by Calliope, though.

Calliope got it into their head that dressing up in cosplay would be a fun community activity.

Right on the money!

In other news Dirk’s trollsona has a unicorn horn. So it’s not that the headband was tilted and the other horn was hidden behind the paint set like I thought. Also Dave’s trollsona has dick horns. I am not surprised. Weird how Dirk, Dave, and Rose didn’t bother to give themselves black hair. Rose gave herself yellow scleras, but couldn’t commit to the black hair it seems.

Vantas had some very uncharitable things to say about the idea, and for once in his life I think he was right.

I mean, it’s like when white people dress as Native Americans for Halloween. I can understand his anger. Though even if he didn’t have a good reason Karkat would have still been angry, I’m sure.

Plants are basically the ideal friends. They don't constantly question your decisions, or try and undermine your authority, or suggest that perhaps you should try talking about your feelings every once in a while.

I think Dirk’s issue with Homestuck getting too feelings-y was that he doesn’t like talking about his own feelings.

Wait. Does Terezi have some form of narrative control? She made it clear in one of the Epilogues that she was aware of Dirk’s narration. I’m going to assume that while Terezi herself can’t narrate, she can submit commands.

DIRK: I see you've found the command terminal.

Oh. So she can submit commands not through her own power, but because there’s one of those exile command terminals things on this ship. O.K. They have everything else on this ship, might as well have one of those too.

TEREZI: 1T S33MS TO M3 L1K3 L3TT1NG M3 BOSS YOU 4ROUND FOR 4 F3W M1NUT3S 1S TH3 L34ST YOU COULD DO TO M4K3 UP FOR WH4T PROB4BLY 4MOUNTS TO TH3 MOST BOR1NG 1NT3RG4L4CT1C VOY4G3 1N TH3 H1STORY OF SP4C3 TR4V3L

I don’t know, I think Jade’s voyage after Davesprite and John blew up might be a good contender for that title. Then again Jade had practice not having anyone with a degree of intelligence around to talk to. Then again she still had the internet on her island and could talk to her friends, unlike on the Prospit ship.

TEREZI: 4ND CONS1D3R1NG TH4T ON3 OF MY TWO PR1OR 3XP3R13NC3S 1NVOLV3D SCOUR1NG TH3 FR4CTUR3D, D1S1NT3GR4TING CORPS3 OF P4R4DOX SP4C3 FOR... WH4T F3LT L1K3 4N 3T3RN1TY,

Oh yeah, I guess that would also be a contender too.

DIRK: What, Heart and Mind?

TEREZI: M1ND 4ND H34RT, Y3S

I have a feeling Terezi purposefully switched them around to make her aspect first and to just be a tiny annoyance to Dirk.

Dirk, how dare you use Complacency of the Learned to even out a chair! Does Rose know you’re using her book like that?

> L1B3R4T3 L4LOND14N L1BR4RY

Thank you, Terezi.

TEREZI: DO3S ROS3 KNOW YOUV3 B33N US1NG ON3 OF H3R NOV3LS TO PROP UP TH4T DISGUST1NGLY T4CKY CH41R?

Terezi and I are one.

DIRK: (I captchalogue the book into my MSPA MODUS. Forget HASH MAPS, PICTIONARY, or any of that shit. This thing is where it's at.)

What the FUCK does MSPA Modus entail???

TEREZI: 4W WH4T TH3 H3LL

TEREZI: TH3 CH41R W4S SUPPOS3D TO F4LL OV3R

DIRK: I'm not sure I understand. Why would it? The four legs are all touching the floor.

TEREZI: ...

DIRK: Try not to think about it too hard.

Ha!

TEREZI: FOR SOM3ON3 WHO CL41MS TO KNOW 4 LOT 4BOUT JOK3S YOU SUR3 H4V3 CONT1NU3D TO S4Y B4S1C4LLY NOTH1NG FUNNY 3V3R

Oooh, burn! When I get around to doing my fourth read of Homestuck I’ll have to tally any instances of Dirk telling a funny joke just to see if this holds up.

For a second there I was really confused over what fractal nonsense was happening here, but then I remembered Dirk is controlling the narrative. That includes the pictures, not just the text.

DIRK: Not many really understand that when pleasure is taken seriously enough, it can easily mimic the appearance of business, just as when irony is practiced with enough passion, it becomes indistinguishable from sincerity.

So Dirk’s idea of loosening up and having fun, whether for the irony or sincerity of it, is drawing himself in romantic situations with Jake. Yeah, that pans out.

(Seriously, why is Jake such a heartthrob? John is described as dorky looking and he and Jake are practically carbon copies.)

TEREZI: DO YOU... W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T...?

DIRK: Absolutely the fuck not.

Terezi, did you seriously expect him to answer with anything else?

This feels like a meme image.

TEREZI: TH4TS TH3 ON3 TH1NG 1 4LW4YS FOUND D1FF1CULT 4BOUT M4K1NG COM1CS W1TH D4V3

TEREZI: YOU H4V3 TO DR4W 333333V3RYTH1NG >:[

God, hard agree. This is why I could never have a comic. As much as I’d like to I just get burnt out with all that tedious drawing.

DIRK: Exactly. But sometimes, visuals are just a more effective way of doing things.

DIRK: So finding the right combination of words and pictures to communicate an idea efficiently is where the artistry lies.

DIRK: And sometimes that means dispensing with one or the other entirely when appropriate.

See, this is why the Homestuck style comic is so interesting. I don’t think other comics combined panels and text like Homestuck did, and now there are so many copies of the style out there!

Woah, I feel like I just got whiplash with the disappearance of the panels!

For the sake of precedent, I'm saying that we can cloak the visuals entirely and continue with narration alone, replacing the panel with a block of text like this, which we can call a “prattle” from now on.

Right, so when we go into a more book-like format it’s a prattle. Got it. Good name, since it’s just Dirk droning on to himself.

So then Dirk narrates Terezi using the command terminal to get him to do a slew of bizarre actions. He says it’s to show how much can be done in a short amount of time (a single block of text as opposed to 50 panels), but I have a feeling the real reason is so that we, the readers, don’t actually get to see him doing any of this stuff. He doesn;t get an audience to such an embarrassing display and he gets to rub our faces in it.

She has me undertake the most intense workout routine paradox space has ever seen, all while whistling the entire discography of the Swedish pop group ABBA, which she's taken a liking to recently for some god forsaken reason.

Terezi likes ABBA? That’s amazing. I need a video of Terezi singing and dancing along with Dancing Queen now.

(... And which coincidentally was a favorite cultural weapon of Her Imperious Condescension back on Earth, centuries ago. Mamma Mia in particular was repurposed as a sugar-coated propagandist piece, calling for worldwide submission to the Batterwitch's dictatorship. "My my, how can I resist ya," as the old saying goes.)

HOLY SHIT. Now I just had a headcanon that all trolls love ABBA.

DIRK: I told you I could have fun.

TEREZI: Y34H YOU SUR3 SHOW3ED M3 1 GU3SS

Dirk, are you saying Terezi purposefully trying to torture you was actually fun? ... Are you secretly a masochist? Do you... Do you like being bossed around and forced to do ridiculous stunts? I am learning so many things about Dirk I never expected.

TEREZI: WH4TS TH1S TH1NG OV3R 1N TH3 CORN3R

TEREZI: UND3RN34TH TH1S B1G SH33T TH1NG

DIRK: Don't look in there.

TEREZI: OH SHHHH 1M ONLY T4K1NG 4 P33K

DIRK: Terezi.

DIRK: Listen to me.

TEREZI: 1M JUST L1FT1NG UP TH3 COV3R 4 L1TTL3 W4YS!!!!

DIRK: Terezi please stop talking right now.

TEREZI: D1RK HOLY SH1T

TEREZI: W

Well that sounds sinister. With Dirk I would think ti was a robot of some kind, but given his new hobby of collecting things from various timelines and his skill in building it could literally be anything.

At first I was confused at the three panels that follow, showing Dirk’s room in disarray, but then I rememebered that Dirk did a whole bunch of shit we didn’t get to see because we were in Book Time.

ROSEBOT: So, I guess today is finally the day everything's been heading towards.

I honestly thought she was going to say “today is finally the day we fuck everything up”. Not sure if the actual line counts as a callback or not now.

ROSEBOT: Instead, it feels like the very notion of fortune is simply out of the question as a means of describing the potential outcome.

ROSEBOT: As though in this moment, luck isn't either strictly real or not real, or somewhere inbetween, but absent of meaning completely.

ROSEBOT: Luck took one look at our itinerary from here on out and said you'll just have to go on without me.

So it’s Schrödinger's Luck of Who Gives a Shit? Been reading so much Dirk I tried to channel my inner Strider there. Moving on I feel like this is a very bad situation for Rose to be in. Her Aspect is luck, so what does it mean for her when she’s in a position like this?

ROSEBOT: You aren't going to believe this, but it turns out that the deranged horny ramblings of a spurned anime-obsessive have essentially no therapeutic properties whatsoever.

Rose is a gift.

I wish I could copy and paste Dirk’s whole spiel about the ocean, both literal and metaphorical, but since it’s Dirk it’s just way too long. Suffice to say I thought it was some lovely writing and really got the the meat of who Dirk is as a character. His loneliness, his fear, his eventual peace, what it means to be an ascended Prince of Heart. Good stuff.

DIRK: What's that noise I'm hearing.

DIRK: It sounds a little bit like a cat being caught in a ventilation fan. A sort of...

DIRK: Inhuman screeching, combined with the grinding of metal.

DIRK: Are we even going to make it to the ground?

ROSEBOT: Oh, no,

ROSEBOT: The ship's fine as far as I can tell.

ROSEBOT: That's just Terezi laughing.

Terezi is also a gift.

Then we end with a rather pretty image of the ship coming in for a crash landing on an Earth-like planet. I would share it, but it’s a tall panel and this post is long enough as it is. Very curious what this planet is. I would guess it might be a Earth, but the landmasses don’t look like any on Earth. Could be artistic license,  but I feel like we have too many Earths as it is. Let’s get some new planets up in here!

[theplaguezine]

ANGEL DUST

Interview with Bernd Aufermann by Daniel Hinds

(conducted November 1999)

Back in the 1980s, thrash fans were bombarded with new bands every day from every corner of the world.  Germany had its share of star players, mainly Kreator, Sodom and Destruction.  The second wave German thrashers didn't get as a high a profile internationally, but it certainly wasn't for lack of talent.  Assassin, Darkness, and Exumer all released some killer material, but Angel Dust is the only one of the bunch still alive in 1999.  Okay, so they actually split up in '89 and didn't get back together until 1997, but they have quickly re-established their presence with an updated power metal approach.

The band's second opus since their rebirth is called Bleed and it was just recently issued here in the States.  Guitarist Bernd Aufermann tells us more about the critically acclaimed album and the band behind it…

Are you happy with Bleed and how has the response to it been? Yes, of course we are.  Here in Europe, we have sold very well.  It took us three weeks to get the selling rates of the previous album.  And right now, we seem to be getting much more popular in the States.  I just surfed the Internet a little and we've got lots of response from progressive metal freaks, and I've got here 457 e-mails from just fans from the States.  It will take me a lot of time and work to answer them all! (laughs)

Well, that's a good thing. (laughs) Yes, it is, definitely, we really love it.  We didn't expect that because Bleed was released here in I think it was May of this year and it sold very well.  We were a little bit sad about not playing that much this time here in Europe and we thought, okay, let's go onto the next album.  So it was a little surprising for us to get the reaction we did from the States and from the Far East as well.

How would you compare Bleed to Border of Reality? Oh, I think it has a much darker approach and we've improved as a band in playing and song-writing.  It is much more aggressive, it has a much more powerful sound than the Border of Reality album.  We've got a little lack of that speed approach that maybe we had on the first albums, and we focused much more on the groove.  The lyrics as well I think are much more intense.  We use to think a lot about what we were writing about and I think this is the main difference from the previous album.

Tell me about some of the lyrical themes on the new album. It's about bad experiences you have in your life, especially here in the music business.  We have so many tours with other bands - we went on tour with Overkill, we went on tour with Jag Panzer in Europe and Nevermore in Greece.  It was pretty fun but not all the time.  We had a little trouble with Overkill at first, but they turned out to be some guys that were really okay.  We've got one red line crossing the lyrics on the Bleed album and that is what can happen to you when you lose your path through your life.  We had a few friends who died because of drug abuse and a few songs deal with that theme.  So, I think Bleed is a very thoughtful, intense and emotional album.

Why the title 'Bleed'?   We sat down in the rehearsal studio and though, man, what do we want to stress with an album title?  It was like, finally, when all is said and done and everything turns out to be the way it is right now, all that's left is that you have to bleed for something.  We always have the feeling that somebody wants to bother us - the record company tells us things to do, the record company says this, says that, the manager says this, says that, the fans say something different, and we've got another approach.  So what is left in this business is that you have to bleed to be successful. (laughs)

I liked the cover art.  Can you tell me a bit about the artist who did the cover? (pause)  You liked the cover artwork?

Umm, yeah… It's a funny story behind that.  We had this idea that we would like to have this kind of angel back again on the cover, but we would like to have a photograph, not a painted picture.  Century Media said, 'No, we can't do this.  It's kind of your image, you've got to appeal to the metal people, you can't use any pictures.'  So what they did was they put the idea we had for the cover into that painting.  They said, 'Oh, we have that painting - you should come have a look.'  We went there and said, 'Oh, fuck!!  What's that??  No!  We don't want that!!'  And they're like, 'Oh, sorry folks, it's already being printed.'  And we were just like, no, it can't be true.  You've probably seen the United States version, which is much better than the European version.  The European cover is much worse, I really hate the cover.  I hate the posters, I hate everything.  I think for the next album, the rights are for us to say, 'No, we don't want to have this anymore.'  Right now, our bass player is having a conference with the record company bosses.  The thing is that we were really unsatisfied with the cover here in Europe and Steve our keyboard player is also very able to do graphic design.  So, he said, 'I'll do it for the States and the Far East version' and he sat down and changed a few things, a few colors, a bit of the layout, so for the United States version we were like, okay, we can accept that, that's not too bad. (laughs)  I've got it here right now, the United States version, and I really like it, it's okay.

What exactly inspired you guys to reform Angel Dust in the 90s? It's not really a reunion.  The original members are just the bass player and the drummer.  We knew each other for a very long time and when they started in the 80s, they did that very speed metal influenced stuff, which wasn't really my kind of music.  They tried over and over again to build a new line-up, but the original members weren't available because one member had tinitis and another wasn't able to play his guitar, as he didn't practice for ten years, I don't know.  I used to be a studio musician, as a guitarist, and they said, hey how about it?  At that time, I had a solo deal for an instrumental record, but hey, nobody needs a guitar instrumental record. (laughs)  Especially from Germany, so I didn’t give anything about that.  We played a few songs together and it fit well.  Steven Banx was in my band at that time and I'm not the kind of guy who likes to play with another guitarist, so I said, hey, let's check out keyboards.  So we did that, we found Dirk who was a good singer, and that was it - Angel Dust was back in 1997.

Was there a point when you were considering using a new name rather than Angel Dust? To be honest, there was this point when the original members said, okay, we've got the right to use the names.  They thought it would open many doors and they were right.  As soon as we released a demo tape, we had the press right here going, 'Yeah, all right!  Good to see you together again!' and my fax was almost blown away by record companies offering us deals.

Are the first two albums available on CD? No, not yet.  We are really into re-releasing them, but the old record company has no interest to do that.  Century Media offered them lots of money to get the rights back, but they didn't react in any way.  It was like, 'we don't care, no, I don't want to talk about it.'  But we heard that the laws say that after ten years, we are allowed to re-release the stuff on our own.  Hopefully we will re-release the material, although… I don't like the old stuff so much. (laughs)  It's pretty funny to play the stuff on stage, but it's not my kind of music.

How did you decide on going with Century Media? When we released that demo tape, I got I think 56 record companies with offers in my e-mail and fax and we just compared them to each other.  The Century Media boss was an old friend of our bass player, he was the first in line.  He said, here's a contract, here are the conditions, do you accept, what do you think?  And we were like, ah, let us wait, we've got so many offers, so we'll see.  It turned out that Century Media definitely did have the best offer.  Century Media is only 5 minutes away by car from me right now, so it's easy for me to go in the office and say hello, what's wrong, what's right, and that's okay.

Do you still do any of the old material live?   Yes, we do.  When we do headlining shows, we're going to play maybe 4 or 5 of the old songs and the other stuff is new material.  When we do support shows where we only have 45 minutes or even less, we only play one song or even none.

Do you find that most of the audience is only familiar with the new music? Yes, of course.

Do you have any tour plans coming up? We have a few plans but I can't guarantee them.  We might play a few Christmas shows maybe with Motorhead here in Europe - Paris, maybe Madrid or even Rome - we don't know yet.  We got an offer from Crimson Glory, asking us if we'd like to play the States or even Europe with them.  It would be great, but I don't know if we can get it scheduled because in January, we will be back in the studio to record the next album.

My next question was going to be if there is any chance of playing the States… Yes, we would love to do that.  I can tell every promoter we don't want to earn much money! (laughs)  Give us a hotel room, give us something to drink, and we would love to play, really.  We don't know how the selling rates will be in the States right now.  We can ask Century Media if they would like to have us there, but the United States is so big it would take maybe six months to tour the whole country.  We don't know if it is possible, but we'd love to do it.  Depends a lot on the selling rates.  When you've got just 2000 copies out there, it's, I don't know…to be in clubs with just 50 people all the time…

Any plans for the next album yet? I think I'm allowed to tell you that this album could be a concept album.  We're not quite sure yet, but we have a good story.  We have six or seven songs right now and we're going to write about six more.  It sounds a little bit harder than Bleed, definitely, but it has also a strong amount of melody.  It's 100% Angel Dust.  Better melodies and a harder approach then Bleed, maybe.  We don't know how it will turn out, but we hope so.

What are your plans in terms of a studio and producer? The producer will be once again Siggi Bemm, he's famous for doing Tiamat and a lot of other things, and we'll choose the same studio as for Bleed (Woodhouse) because he knows exactly what he's doing there.  He's got good outboard gear and we like each other a lot.  He really helped us get a good sound and this is the first time that he will be involved in the song writing.  We tape everything we have in our rehearsal room for him and he will pick out some ideas and tell us, 'this is good, this is bad, change this, change that.'  It's interesting because we didn't work like this before.  We just got the songs, went into the studio and said, come on, give us a good sound, the arrangement is ours.  Now we've got another band member (laughs).  I don't know how it will turn out, but I think it will be positive because Siggi is absolutely a sound guru.

What do you think of the current metal scene? I don't know how it is in America, I just know the opinion of the Nevermore guys, for example, or the Iced Earth or Jag Panzer guys.  They all say, 'Oh, metal is dead in the States, forget about it!'  They used to say that, but when I look on the Internet, it doesn't seem that way.  But, how many Americans do you have?  250 million?  When you have sales of 20,000 with that many inhabitants, it means nothing.  Here in Europe, it's a weird thing.  We've got this true metal wave and it bores me to death.  I mean, we've got bands that are very popular who would have seemed shitty in the 80s.  From Scandinavia, everybody comes up with those true metal riffs like Saxon and Iron Maiden.  HammerFall, do you know them?  Oh my god….  They're a mixture of, I don't know, a little bit of Maiden, a little bit of Saxon, and they're selling millions of copies here in Europe - it's unbelievable.  I don't know… everyone seems to have to think in those [categories]:  this is true metal, this is power metal, this is poser metal, I don't know.  I think it's just music and everyone should view it as such.

Official Angel Dust Facebook Page

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #171

UPDATE 171: Like Punching Your Own Face

Last time Roxy had managed to create the matriorb out of thin air, and Dave and Dirk were finally having a much-needed conversation, Dave unloading everything he had in his head regarding Bro’s way of raising him. It was raw and made me sympathize a lot with Dave, but it’s not over yet. Let’s continue.

The first thing I read in this update is Dirk apologizing. Huh. It wasn’t your fault, Dirk, Dave simply had the bad luck of being raised by a sucky version of you. Then again, as it was pointed to me: Dirk himself admitted long ago that he has no business raising anyone. He’s not wrong, if this was the result. Roxy didn’t do a stellar job, but she wasn’t a complete disaster – the ocean-sized gap that’s the lack of communication between the Lalondes was the problem. All in all, maybe not having to raise them by themselves would have helped.

DAVE: you had a completely different life full of like  DAVE: different choices and actions and stuff 

He’s not wrong about that, environment shapes people a lot. I wonder how alternate Dave would have raised Dirk if there wasn’t the slight problem of Dirk being a few centuries in the future...and also if alternate Dave hadn’t been killed. That can’t have been of help either.

Dirk continues feeling responsible of what Bro did, saying he needs to take responsibility for all the splinters that are him. It’s hard to understand, a bit. I honestly can’t even start saying how complicated it is to feel like that – but somehow I have the feeling that a lot of people in the world would feel responsible for what their alternates do. I don’t know if I would.

DIRK: I've felt...  DIRK: Haunted by them.  DIRK: And what that really means is, I'm perpetually haunted by my own bad qualities. 

You literally made glasses that are filled with some of your own bad qualities, Dirk. You kinda brought that one to yourself, just saying.

Dave appreciates Dirk’s apologies, even though it feels weird to hear it from someone that isn’t the Bro he knew, which in turn makes Dirk confess that he isn’t even happy with his relationships with his peers – especially with Jake. Well yeah, no surprise there, everything is still a fresh wound. It was just a day ago or so that Jake was telling to other people that he felt suffocated. Who knows, maybe in the future that’ll change! Don’t give up, Dirk.

It’s nice to see that Dave and Dirk are trying to give support to each other despite the trouble they have to connect. It’s clumsy, it’s distant, but they’re trying. It’s more akin to pulling teeth than a heartfelt conversation, buuuuuuut it’s the best the Striders can do.

DAVE: you dont actually seem like a bad person to me though  DIRK: No?  DAVE: nah  DIRK: Why not?  DIRK: We did just meet, after all.  DAVE: because  DAVE: i dunno if truly bad people wrestle so much with whether theyre good or bad 

Dirk is not a bad person. He can be extremely difficult to deal with, but he’s not bad. I’m sure hearing it from Dave will make it resonate more than if he had heard it from anyone else, even if everyone else would be more energetic about telling him that he’s a good person. Dirk isn’t even accepting it from Dave at face value, although he is grateful about it. Everyone else idolized him, after all.

DIRK: She meant well, but was so enamored of me, and seemingly everything I did.  DIRK: Which I think was the last thing I needed.  DIRK: To be idolized in some form by other people I respected.  DIRK: I had enough of that feeling coming from within, particularly when I was younger. 

No wonder Bro ended like that. I really don’t think anyone dared to tell him about his flaws. I suppose that maybe this could be interpreted as a sign that Bro respected Dave, but I’m not going to think that’s correct. That relationship was pretty messed up, after all.

Dave sounds genuinely floored to hear everything his alternate self did in Dirk’s universe, including killing clown presidents and somehow managing to make a million Statues of Liberty. I’m still wrapping my head around that one. Could that have been how things would have gone if the world hadn’t ended horribly? Hm...no. The movies and all were a way to give the Condesce a sucker punch, no Condesce means those concrete movies wouldn’t exist. It’s hard to say what would have happened. Maybe Dave really would have gone into the fields that study dead stuff.

Dirk tried to follow Dave’s perceived good traits. Golly, Dave must have never seen that coming.

DIRK: You get to apply all that potential you showed in one reality to something much bigger and more existentially critical.  DIRK: Whatever strength you showed in trying to save a dying planet, the fact is, I think we need that more here.  DIRK: And the trials inherent in being a part of something like this, I think they bring more out of you than a relatively pedestrian life on Earth would. Make you face more things about yourself. At least, that's been true for me. 

Oh hey, I just realized that this alternate Dave pretty much did everything that’s expected of the Dave we know: fight, resist, and pretty much be a cornerstone of the rebellion against the Condesce. He’s everything Dave doesn’t think he can be. Think about that, Dave.

DIRK: I hope it doesn't come off as overly sentimental garbage, but it seems to me like you turned out to be a really good dude.  DIRK: Like, really, a better sort of dude I ever imagined talking to when I pictured meeting the legendary guy I idolized.  DIRK: I pictured him as probably being "too cool" to be the type of guy you are.  DIRK: But you know what, fuck being too cool for that.

Congratulations, you pretty much punched Dave’s hopes from when he was thirteen years old. It’s for the better. Somehow hearing that Dave is not the “cool” person Dave had once hoped Bro would see him as catches him off-guard. Here we go! This’ll be the turning point for Dave, won’t be it? Things are going to change for him – hopefully! Dave certainly had the big character arc in Homestuck, even if he says people don’t have arcs.

And here we go!

DAVE: its really fucked up of me  DAVE: what im presently doing  DAVE: so  DAVE: sorry about that  DIRK: Oh, y-  DIRK: Yeah.  DIRK: Man.  DIRK: This is some fucked up shit alright.  DAVE: i know

This is much more than I expected. Of all things that could happen, a hug wasn’t even close to the top of the list. This is actually a pretty sweet moment, I’m glad it actually happened. Part of me was sure Hussie wouldn’t show them talking, but he did. I’m glad I was proven wrong about it.

So! There’s only one conversation left before things may kick into overdrive straight towards the last part of Homestuck! Roxy is going to meet Kanaya, surely to give her the matriorb. Things are winding down everywhere else, it won’t be long now!

Roxy appears from the skies with a ‘heeeeeey’ and repeats it a few more times, preparing the surprise by telling her to guess what she brought. I can guarantee that the matriorb is not going to be a guess here, hah!

KANAYA: Is It The Thing Behind Your Back  ROXY: yup but u gotta be more specific  KANAYA: Is It A Little Piece Of Paper That Says Hey On It  ROXY: hahahahaha no but that would be SO FUNNY! 

I won’t lie, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it hadn’t been that. Wish you had thought about it before. Maybe there’s still time to write “I.O.U one (1) matriorb” on any random rock and give it to her...or maybe that’d be cruel. Shrug.

Not wasting any more time, Roxy presents the matriorb, much to Kanaya’s astonishment. She’s so surprised she can barely express her surprise while Roxy tries to explain in vague terms. Look at that, Kanaya has tears in her eyes! It must be hard to describe, the feeling of hope in seeing the way the troll race is going to be resurrected. Keep it away from the Condesce and everything should be fine.

Nobody would have thought that the way to revive the trolls would just be given to her like this, but she can’t complain. There’s a lot of work to do, the mother larva isn’t going to raise itself. There’s a life of duty and work ahead of her.

Where’s Karkaroni, asks Roxy? “Meditating”. With his face deep into the dirt. You’re so lucky you’re telling this to someone Roxy doesn’t know very well, nobody else would believe such answer.

Roxy gets into her role of Rose’s mother and tries to know Kanaya better, asking about the meteor tri, where everybody formed small groups and only convened like twice of three times. It wasn’t the social jamboree Roxy imagined. Could have been worse, Roxy. It was worse once. At least now everyone is more or less getting along and Kanaya is aware she needs Karkaroni’s help so trolls aren’t like in Alternia.

...having doubts about fighting? Well I can understand Kanaya would want to protect the matriorb and that she believes her skills are not as good as everyone else’s, but if the Condesce isn’t defeated that matriorb will only be good as a paperweight. Roxy points all that and tries to give Kanaya encouragement about her skills. Well not many things can beat a chainsaw in power. That’s all enough to convince Kanaya to go with her and prepare for the fight.

Now that all the dialogue options are over, the point of view returns to the dream bubble where Vriska has gone to harass herself. Yeah, don’t ask me why she’s bothering to do this.

Okay, I read one page and I’m already feeling a bit sick. I don’t know how Hussie is doing this, managing to make me dislike Vriska after I spent most of her appearances liking her. In just a few hundred pages he’s managing to make me not want to read her anymore. It’s going to be difficult to write something that isn’t constant grumbling. Well, there’s one thing...

VRISKA: Remem8er when you used to care a8out that sort of thing?  VRISKA: No, o8viously not.  VRISKA: All you care a8out now is 8ullshit hipstery fashion trends, feeling "happy", and... whatever the fuck it is you're doing here?  VRISKA: Frolicking with some horses in an ugly field or some shit. VRISKA: Just a8solutely disgraceful.  VRISKA: How could I have 8ecome so selfish??  VRISKA: You do know this is selfish, right?  VRISKA: This isn't having some fucking "epiphany" or like "growing as a person" or whatever self-serving spin you might 8e putting on what's happening here.  VRISKA: It's just plain narcissism, the worst kind you're capa8le of. A total renunci8tion of any responsi8ility for contri8uting to the gr8ter good.  VRISKA: And it makes me FUCKING SICK. 

...I have no words. Yeah, looking for personal happiness is selfish, but there’s nothing wrong with being reasonably selfish. I just...I can’t say anything about this that isn’t some sort of circular argument that in the end isn’t worth typing here. I just can’t say anything.

VRISKA: Contrary to your lazy fakey "happy" shit, I've ACTUALLY GROWN AS A PERSON.  VRISKA: What do you think of THAT, you frivolous, dithering 8ITCH???????? 

Like hell you did!

Just...agh.

Looks like the dead Vriska wasn’t wrong, the horses really is a bad omen for her. Meenah is leaving her and going with the Vriska that is alive. At least Meenah has the decency to be conflicted about what she’s feeling and all, but damn, what a way to punch someone that’s already down, Hussie.

Meenah likes dead Vriska a lot, and she admits it, but she’s bored of having an idyllic life with dead Vriska. She wants to fight Lord English and here’s the chance to do it. Dead Vriska may have changed, but Meenah is the same than before, and that one isn’t content with sitting on the sidelines. That’s why she’s leaving – more or less.

I feel bad for dead Vriska. It’s almost hard to believe that the end for the character I knew for so long is this – or at least this seems like the end. It feels...weird. I feel really bad for her. I wish this hadn’t gone for this. Heck, Meenah deciding to go fight Lord English would have been understandable. I just wish this whole thing hadn’t needed to happen.

Hm. I think I should be stopping here for now.

Next update: next time

[3one3]

The Sequel - 797

Will you be my valentine?

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

The Valentine’s Day breakfast included mini heart-shaped red velvet pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries, poached eggs with a leftover-avocado-based faux hollandaise sauce over tomato and toast, and little parfaits with yogurt, oats, honey, chia, and blueberries. It was served to André and Lukas and Lukas’ Valentine’s teddy bear in bed, after the morning sex with the older one and the morning diaper change with the younger one. They all ate together under the covers and watched DVR’d episodes of Die Sendung mit der Maus, which André insisted was the little boy’s favorite TV program for obvious reasons.

He was in a fantastically good mood by noon, and it wasn’t because he was like Christina and got the same kind of antidepressant benefits from orgasms, or at least not just because of that. André was elated because a solution he came up with for a problem was actually working, they were able to build on that solution to make a change that could potentially fix another problem, and they were doing it together. That is how relationships are supposed to work, he thought. His wife finally did the best she could to honestly and completely explain to him how she was feeling, he listened intently, internalized it, came up with a solution, she tried it out, they gave it time, and it seemed to be working. It was working well enough at least to try the same strategy to fix the next problem, and that was a decision they made together really, since Christina consulted him in her evidence gathering and conclusion phases. The player was sure that the fundamental structure of their relationship couldn’t be cracked if it was functioning on such a high level. Even if his wife was right and he was wrong- that living together again and getting Dirk back to the top wouldn’t eliminate their habit of expecting their worst instincts about one another to be confirmed and letting that lead to damaging arguments, he refused to believe that they could be in any serious trouble if they were so good at working together to get to a good place.

“Should we think about getting up and doing something soon?” Christina yawned after finishing her second coffee. Nobody wanted to get out of bed. Even Lukas was content to stay there. He had toys to play with and parents to stop him from falling off the mattress.

“It’s raining and it looks cold out.” André believed his weather statement was a sufficient answer. His time with his family was limited. Soon he would have to venture out in the rain and the cold and go train with his teammates.

“You don’t want to go...somewhere?” His wife really didn’t have designs on getting up either, but she felt kind of bad about coming to visit and spending their whole day in bed, especially since she had nothing to do once he left anyway. There was no flight back to London until morning so she and the baby were staying at the apartment without him that night.

“I really just want Mausi to need to have a nap so that I can f-u-c-k you again now that I’m actually awake. I feel like the proper way to celebrate Valentine’s is to let your girl sit on your face for a while and then c-u-m on hers.” The footballer used his expansive reach to slap her butt as she leaned over to put her empty mug on the nightstand.

“Wow. Much romance.” She rolled her eyes at his crudeness, but wasn’t turned off by it.

“I did order flowers for you, Prinzessin. I don’t know why they’re not here yet.” Seriously, where are her flowers, he thought, checking the time on his phone. I picked morning delivery so she doesn’t feel left out when all her girlfriends are Instagramming theirs. And because she’s not going to be here for very long to enjoy looking at them.

“It’s kind of a busy day for flowery deliver guys.” Christina scooted down the bed to lie completely flat and relish what that did for her spine. She also wiggled her toes and moved her feet around to distract Lukas from the tower he was trying to build with snap blocks like giant LEGOs. He followed and tried to capture her feet under the comforter the way a cat might.

“Does he look sleepy to you?”

“No.”

“What if we gave him more food? Post-lunch nap?”

“That would require me getting up to make him something.”

“I could do it.”

“Whatever you want, babe.”  

André took Lukas and Dave to the kitchen to make a grilled ham and cheese sandwich. Hot, heavy, cheesy food often brought on a nap for the little blonde whose hair was darkening seemingly by the day. Like his father, his locks changed in winter. While the boys cooked, Mom gave in and unplugged her phone to address whatever matters were waiting for her on it, and to send her other valentine a message.

“Hi hello buenos días will you be my valentine?” she wrote with the pink heart and lipstick stain emojis. She also sent him a kissy-face selfie while reclining in multiple pillows, and didn’t even care that her hair was a mess, she had no makeup on, and probably looked as if she just woke up. It was Juan and he was supposed to be her friendly valentine, so it didn’t matter. He immediately sent one back, but he was in the dressing room at Cobham and evidently just about to head out for training based on his cold weather protections. His tongue was sticking out and his eyes were blank, so the overall impression was funny and made her laugh.

“Many women have sent me roses and chocolate. I have not yet decided which one gets my heart. Send a gift and I will consider your application. Bye.”

He’s funny today, Christina snickered to herself. And he’s gotten a haircut. Thank god. He’s so much prettier when the sides are short. What gift shall I send him? She put the phone down for a second to fix her underwear. The seam around the side was stuck somewhere it didn’t belong, likely from her rolling about in bed for hours. Fixing her “front wedgie” inspired an idea for a gift for Juan in keeping with the theme of the day, if not with her designation of the Spaniard as her friendly valentine. There was her main valentine, André, her special valentine, Lukas, and then her many animal valentines too. Dirk was always one of her valentines, for example. Her friendly valentine was going to get a Valentine’s Day gift fitting with the nature of their friendship. She pushed her blanket down and snapped a photo of some of her fingers reaching into her little black underwear and pulling it down a bit, and sent it back with “bye” to match his message.

The photo itself sort of matched one he sent to her before Christmas, and which she saved. Neither photo included a face. For Christina that meant she didn’t have to worry about him showing anyone hers, and that André couldn’t have a cow about the one she saved. The photo album on his phone was dotted with anonymous sexy photos he kept from Instagram. They were both allowed to look at other people like that, and enjoy them. It only bothered the rider when the player did things like pause their foreplay to take a picture, like at Christmas. Then she thought he was getting too into the Instagram girls and wanted her to be like them. Otherwise, she didn’t care what he enjoyed looking at and the reverse was true too. Having the photo she’d just taken on her phone would be significantly harder to explain to him than the one of Juan’s anonymous crotch though. It had to be deleted right away. Christina thought of it like Juan’s hiding her toothbrush in his bathroom. He didn’t hide it because he was doing anything wrong, but because it was harder to explain it than not.

“Chriiiiiiiiis? Does the baby like mustard?” André asked loudly from the kitchen, highlighting a fundamental difference in the kind of Valentine’s Day she was having and the kind she could have been having.

“Not really,” Lukas’ mom shouted back. V-Day is breakfast in bed with a toddler, and the toys used are blocks and action figures rather than ones you order online and come in discreet packaging. It’s waiting for flowers to be delivered, and hoping the kid needs a nap so we can spend time alone. I bet V-Day with Juan would include some obscure kind of roses hand-delivered by him to the library he’d tell me to meet him at so he can show me some weirdly relevant and incredibly romantic or beautiful book, and then dinner somewhere dark and cozy, to be followed by the most intense hour of his face between my legs, and-

“What did you say? I couldn’t hear you.” The BVB man appeared in the doorway to halt her mind’s wandering.

“He’ll eat it but he doesn’t really love it,” she told him about the mustard.

“Okay. Are you hungry again yet? Do you want a sandwich too?”

“No.”

“Are you starting without me?” her partner smiled. The blanket was still folded down away from her lap, and her left hand was back in her underwear. It wasn’t really doing anything significant in there, or even out of the ordinary. The girl who never wore pants in the house often touched herself idly and without purpose. She didn’t even realize she was doing it when André called her out. She had her email open and was thinking about the alternative Valentine’s Day celebration style.

“Yeah, hurry up,” she laughed nonetheless. Thinking about the dichotomy of her celebration and the one she could have had wasn’t about the differences between being with the German and being with the Spaniard. Her reflection was more about the fact that she had a son who would forever color things like holidays. They made the decision to make all their decisions include a third person, and that still felt oppressive to her at times. Her Valentine’s Day morning wasn’t bad, or unsatisfactory. Christina loved making heart-shaped pancakes for her boys, and she loved playing games with them. The loved-up-couple-with-no-kids-style way to enjoy the Hallmark holiday wasn’t any better, or more appealing. It was just another thing for her to think about- to fuel her borderline lamentation of the way things were when she wondered about how they might have been. That was one source of anxiety that André couldn’t do anything about. There was no way to remove a wall or remove a distraction and take that away the way he did for her with her feelings for Juan, or the way they arrived together at the decision to drop some of her sponsors.

Father and son returned a few minutes later with a warm sandwich and a sippy cup of warm milk. André was pulling out all the stops. A heavy meal could force a nap, and warm milk usually made Lukas think it was bedtime. That was a trick both parents employed when he woke up in the middle of the night. Both were aware that no scientific evidence supports the old wives’ tale that warm milk puts a baby to sleep. It was the habit that worked. Christina knew pumping the kid full of cheese and milk was going to make for a pretty gross diaper situation later on, but his dad was so keen to knock him out that she didn’t have the heart to complain about the method. She felt it would be silly and foolish to admonish him for trying everything he knew how so that they could be alone together again before he had to leave. His tactics worked. Lukas passed out and was delivered to his crib. Her flowers showed up too. Two-dozen baby pink roses in a white cardboard bucket arrived for her with a heart-shaped tin of dark chocolate covered pretzels, which she then wanted to eat more than she wanted to have more sex. The footballer had to take them away from her.

“You said you want me to sit on your face. I can sit on your face and eat pretzels at the same time,” she pouted as he walked away with her present. Not fair. You can’t give a girl chocolate on V-Day and then not even let her eat it! Especially when you have it delivered and it shows up late. He could have gotten me chocolate yesterday and had it here when I got up, and then I’d be full of chocolate by now and free for sex. That was just delinquent planning on his part. At least the flowers are pretty, she thought forlornly, glancing to her right at the pink blooms on the nightstand. André came back and went directly to the foot of the bed, from which he crawled between his girl’s legs. She bent her knees and captured his head with her thighs, and moved them back and forth just to be annoying. His beard brushed across her crotch but thankfully for her it was so soft at its longest by his chin that it didn’t poke through her underwear. Even her own hair poked through it from the other side when it was long-ish.

“You’re totally not in the mood for this, are you?” he questioned dejectedly while she laughed at him. His face stuck between her legs and being dragged right and left was unavoidably funny.

“What happened to deep conditioning your hair? Did I make your mom go buy coconut oil for nothing?” The amused rider released her partner’s head and reached forward to fluff his messy hair. It was too long for her taste. He spaced out his trims more in winter because he was always so cold. That affected shape. His head got kind of wide and square at the top, and the longest hair got longer and somehow exaggerated how far back his part started, giving the illusion of a hairline on the march.

“Did you just finish your period? Did you have it between last week and now? Or did you just fuck Juan like every day in between?” The poofy haired blonde sank down to rest his chin on her pubic bone and his cheek on her left thigh. His blue eyes looked mostly sad. I hope it’s one of those two things, he thought. Because if it’s not then it means she’s not into me right now, or not into sex in general, and I thought women are supposed to be approaching their sexual peak at her age. She can’t be going down the other side of that mountain already. That would ruin my life.

“No to both,” Christina frowned. “Why do you think that because I’m not foaming at the mouth to have sex the entire time I’m with you that it means I- I don’t even know. I don’t know what you think it means. I just see it upsetting you.”

“Because I miss being with you so much when you’re not here. We just got our sex life like back into shape over the holidays, right at the end, and I miss it. You come here to me with no appetite for it though, and-“

“That’s not true!” Her complaint was both sad and defensive because she felt unjustly persecuted. “You thought I was reluctant to have sex when I was here a week ago?”

“No, but-“

“Exactly. I wasn’t into it last night because we had a fight, and because I was processing that, and tired from that. We had sex this morning. It was really nice. I don’t understand why it’s a major problem for you that I asked about your hair just now instead of ripping my clothes off and opening my legs in response to you suggesting I’m not in the mood “for this”. Is it just Juan? You think he’s getting all the sex and you’re not?”

“It’s hard not to at least consider that.”

“I’ve been with him one time in a month and a half.”

“Okay.”

“Why did you tell me that arrangement wouldn’t be a problem if it’s clearly a problem?”

“It’s not a problem, Prinzessin.” André shook his head and freed himself from between the rather nice thighs in favor of lying next to their owner. “I’m sorry. It’s easier for me to think it’s his fault that you don’t jump me when you have the chance than it is to accept that it’s my own fault,” he sighed from the pillow next to her.

“It’s not your fault!” Christina groaned back at the ceiling. “There isn’t even an “it”. I wanted to play with your hair and it reminded me that we were going to condition it today with the coconut and the yogurt and honey. I wasn’t trying to get out of anything! Stop being such a baby,” she urged with a pat on his stomach, her tone softening. “I know it’s hard with the team when you don’t get to play much and prove yourself, but you don’t have that situation with me. Turn off the insecurity for a minute, okay? You know better. Relax. And then give me my pretzels back. The least you can do if you’re going to have a breakdown over nothing is give me a delicious snack to enjoy in the meantime, damn it.”

“You’re my favorite person,” the player declared as he clumsily engulfed her head in his arms for a hug. This is why I need her around. She stops me when I’m stupid instead of getting upset about it. It’s just so easy to feel like nobody wants anything to do with me right now though. It’s easy to assume it’s the same with her. It isn’t. Chris isn’t like the people who are only interested when you’re doing something good for them, or solving their problems. And it’s not even like she has to try. She doesn’t get bothered.

“I could be eating pretzels right now while you’re getting over yourself and suffocating me. It would be a challenge, but I’m up for it.”

“Will it be a good Valentine’s Day if I let you go get the pretzels and eat them while I eat you?” He released her head and grabbed a breast to jiggle under her shirt, his concern and anxiety both assuaged. That brief panic was gone, mostly because his wife’s sarcastic prodding and refusal to let him drag them into a serious conflict were stronger than his self-doubt.

“Yeah I guess but it would be a stellar V-Day if you got up and got the pretzels for me since you are the one who took them away in the first place, you mean lazy ogre.”

“Mean lazy ogre? Really? That’s what you’re going with?”  

“Go get my pretzels!” Christina kicked her feet and pounded the mattress with her fists- a proper tantrum that made her Valentine laugh at her first, and then sneak a quick kiss before getting out of bed to fetch the chocolate covered pretzels. In his opinion, she was allowed to do put-on tantrums if the primary reason for them was actually to end an awkward or unhappy situation, and that’s what she was up to. The pretzels weren’t that important. They were a convenient pivot, and when he returned them to her she took her underwear off and invited him to have a field day, no need to discuss who wanted who and how much, and no need to make an awkward transition from fighting to foreplay.

She literally ate pretzels while he licked, sucked, and fingered her to the point where she didn’t need the chocolate and salt anymore and abandoned the tin of treats in favor of making some of André’s favorite sounds, and pulling his dry hair. He thought about leaving her there, on the edge of satisfaction, so that he could enjoy the way she got when she was desperate. He could skip directly to the main event and make her wait until he caught up to her, which would mean begging, sexy pleading faces, taking matters into her own hands, whining, etc., all of which he loved to see, hear, and experience. He loved to be needed that badly. He loved when she just tried to use him to get herself off. But there was an upside to getting her off with just his mouth and fingers too, right away. Christina always felt a deep need to return the satisfaction after a particularly good orgasm. It would get her going again. She’d be diligent, creative, and sensitive to what worked. The BVB man decided he wanted that treatment. He wanted her to enjoy her orgasm and then switch places with him to show the same kind of love with her mouth and fingers. Then he could be lazy and calm too, with nothing to do but recline and be taken care of, or perhaps eat some pretzels.

A midday blowjob of the highest quality was another reminder for him why he desperately needed to get the whole family into one house. After having his fun, and after Christina washed her face, the couple had a serious talk about the move. They called Zoe to get some details, and consulted Tom, Isandro, and the kids. Isandro was tasked with organizing and packing equipment and supplies at home while the horses were in Sweden, though they would still be coming home after. Tom was in charge of getting bedding, hay, and grain delivered to the new place, and making a final decision on hiring another groom. Stefanie and Christina would go over on the first of March, a few days after Sweden, to take “delivery” of the kids’ new apartment and help Tom get stalls ready for the first horse delivery. They were going to ship 5 and 5, split over several days, and use the extra space in the hauler for cargo. That way they didn’t end up with 10 horses and massive amounts of stuff to put away at once. While that was going on, Zoe’s people would be unloading the entire contents of the London house, which they would pack while the rider was in Sweden first and then down in Spain at Juan’s house for the couple of days in between the show and Dortmund. Christina would have Thursday and Friday to calmly get things ready for horses, and then the weekend to alternate between getting her horses settled in and working with her decorator to get the stuff into the new house.

It would surely be total chaos, but André figured chaos might be the best strategy. If his wife got overwhelmed or frustrated with what was happening at the house, she could go boss people around at the barn instead, and vice versa, rather than be trapped doing one or the other and having to get it done so that she could move onto the next one. And it left plenty of time to get situated and formulate a routine before the circus would need to get its act together to go to Omaha for the World Cup Final, god willing. Once the animals and the stuff were in the proper places, they’d just have to worry about getting all the kids moved. Kyle didn’t have much to take with him since the furniture in the cottage belonged to Christina and André and wasn’t moving. André offered to pay for a pod-type moving service for Stefanie and Espen so that they could just load all their stuff into a big container and have it picked up and delivered to their new places, though the latter didn’t actually have a new place yet, so hers would go to the house. The nanny was going to be staying full time with the family for a bit anyway while everyone got settled. That eliminated a headache for his wife, so he was happy to do it.

All that was left to be sorted was the Hazard ponies. Christina needed to find a facility for them with a good trainer and plenty of kids so that Yannis and Leo would still love to go ride, and Wizzy and Cornflakes would be maintained for them in the right way. She was going to keep Isandro on to look after them until that happened. Having just two ponies to take care of would give him plenty of time to work on finding another gig. That situation was the hardest on Christina. She didn’t want to say goodbye to her guy. She knew his next job probably wouldn’t be the same. It really upset her to have to force him out of the family, so to speak. Her partner had a secret plan for that. He was going to try to lure their stable manager to Germany too, even though he didn’t want to be further from his daughter. Tom told him on the low that he would be fine working with the Argentine and splitting the roles at in the new barn. It would be significantly more expensive to have them both on, however, compared to just Tom and a less qualified groom/laborer. The cost only factored into the footballer’s thinking because his wife’s riding was about to become less lucrative. If she ended some sponsor relationships then she was giving up some of her regular income- the kind not dependent on her success in the show ring. It wasn’t going to be a struggle to afford that kind of situation. It just wasn’t going to look all that intelligent on paper, especially in light of how much they spent on the new property without selling the old one. André considered that his headache. That was his problem to bear. He had to figure out how to make the numbers work. He promised Christina that she could have everything she wanted and that it would all work out perfectly, so it was on him to make it tenable, with the help of his agent and financial planner, of course. The three of them still needed to figure out what to do with the London estate too. André didn’t want to sell it, nor see it rot away while out of service, or ruined by a temporary tenant.

“The next time I see you, you’re here for good,” he smiled at her while saying goodbye when it was time to go to training.

“Yeah.” She smiled back meekly, trying to look as enthusiastic and excited about that prospect as her husband. Having a plan was reassuring for her too, but she was still dreading the finality of it all. She was still dreading moving. She even wished she wasn’t spending the night in Dortmund, because she wanted to go “home” and be in London as much as possible before having to give up London life. After the player left, the rider watched Lukas play on the floor and thought about how the best parts of her life were in her London life. Her spell as a resident there encompassed most of the most important things she’d ever done or experienced. That period was coming to an end and it was hard not to worry that it would always be the best period- that the next one, her new Dortmund life, wouldn’t compare. And that had nothing to do with day-to-day living and everything to do with what would happen throughout her life while living there- her career, Lukas’ upbringing, her marriage. Christina wondered if the highlights during “the Dortmund period” would be as special as the ones from the last 6 years.