#also ive been having a lot of bad headaches lately which sucks

[wraenata]

Hi Wren how have you been?

Hi Koi! I hope you're doing well! Every beautiful art and comic you make touches my heart!

I'm doing ok. I just have really low energy. It's really frustrating because I don't have any energy to do the things I enjoy doing, and it feels like every day it gets worse 😔 I finally made an appointment with my doctor to see if anything is wrong, but it's not til October 17 sadly. Things have just been going downhill for a long time.

I'm just really sad that even after unfollowing a lot of blogs, which I hated doing, I still can't muster the energy to get through my dash and leave the tags I want to. It makes me sad. I've missed and will continue to miss amazing things and I don't like that.

I've also been worried about my cat Sally's weight and appetite lately, though the last couple days she's been eating better which is good. I just worry a lot.

Umm, I need a positive. I ordered the build a bear bulbasaur for my birthday which is in a week. He makes me smile. His name is Yarrow 🌱 Not even 5 pound Sally for scale <3

[pizzapizzadickz]

Haaah. Is it really too much to ask to have just one day (1) where I'm not achy and in pain?

[ekgpurplemom]

Koa 10 Hour IVIG

June 6th, 2023

Koa Green ITP 10-hour IVIG treatment

My day began pretty bright and early. I woke up at 7 am and left my room with my husband and baby still sleeping. I walk into the living room and my mother is laying down on the couch. She asks me if she woke me up and I say “No Mom, you’re fine. I just wanted to get up early for Koa’s treatment today and get some stuff ready.” She continues to sit for a few minutes more in an upright position. I know if I’m up she will be too because that’s just the kind of helpful woman she is. I begin to get myself dressed and cleaned up. I prepare a bottle of milk for my son. I pack things along the way…bottles, clothes for me and the baby, a bathroom bag, diapers, snacks, and toys. 

My son Koa has been diagnosed with acute (so far) ITP. Idiopathic Thrombocytic Pupura, but I have yet to hear a doctor say the long form of the disorder 😀. He is 1 year and 6 months old, he was diagnosed at 1 year and 4 months. 

The treatment that he needs today will last about 10 hours. This will increase his platelets for about a month and a half before he needs this same treatment again. That’s two hours longer than my husband's work day, I think to myself. However, I won’t be there alone with my child, my mother has come to help, and my husband will stop by at lunch and come back after work to finished treatment with mom. Once he’s out of work I usually tutor online for 1-3 hours each evening. For the last emergency treatment, I did cancel tutoring but this time, I will work around it. 

The IVIG treatment is gamma globulins, pharmaceutically made to increase the amount of platelets. This will be administered through an IV in his hand, arm, or foot. It can cause nausea, headaches, and irritable behaviors as well as fatigue. Also, my one-year-old can’t tell me if he feels any of that yet, so it sucks. 

I finish loading up the car. As I do so I think to myself it would be nice to have my husband there to help set up at first. But how could I ask him that? He usually arrives late to work from Koa’s blood draws which are each week, two last week when Koa’s platelets got so low. Then he also missed a day due to Koa’s emergency/initial diagnosis hospital stay. That first scare lasted three days and he received his first IVIG then.      

Plus my mom is here to help. However, by the time you park, unload, cross the Helen DeVos bridge, get your pass from the security desk (sometimes there is a line of people there, also waiting for their badges too), and arrive at the hematology/ oncology floor you are already 15-30 minutes late on a good day. So Mom and I leave and once in the car, she asks to stop for coffee and get me donuts for breakfast. I didn't budget time for this but oh well (7:45 am, we need to be there 8:30 am).  She is helping and I’m pretty sure as a mom with a toddler that late isn’t bad. Once in the parking lot, we decided to take what we can carry + the child also needs carrying, and get the rest with the Ozark wagon later.

As I said we have to figure out where we are going and then get the badges before checking in at the Hematology floor. Once there at the check-in we have to put cream on Koa’s arms to prepare for the IVIG and add bandages so the cream stays on. (In hindsight they go for hand or foot for treatment because the arm veins are usually so bruised after multiple blood draws. I will have to remember to do the hands and feet next time. So I don’t think this helped at all.) 

We wait a few minutes and then they call his name. We get vital done and then they show us his room for treatment. I am really happy when I walk in because 1. He’s needed this treatment for a while now. 2. He has significantly bad bruising and has 12k platelets (below safe level). 3. The nurses have put not one but two gym mats on the floor for him to play on! (I never knew I could ask for gym mats at his previous stay which lasted 3 days. The rooms and playroom are hard flooring and my son was just described as a fall risk)! (Ahh!)

However, from an online IPT Parent group I met the only other ITP mom in my city. She helped me advocate for my child. She told me about the cream and bandages and his play area by having me ask for the gym mat. 

The day before I was on the phone for about 13 minutes with the nurse talking about the specifics of his room and the layout to keep my hooked-up (IV) toddler safe. No easy feat.

I do highly recommend getting into an FB parent support group if you have a sick child. Don’t take everything online there seriously but if you can connect with another parent it helps tremendously even over messenger. 

While we are waiting for IV time Child Life come in to introduce themselves and suddenly we have a ton of toys between the ones we brought and the hospital toys. (Child Life workers are amazing hospital staff that helps advocate for sick children by being a support to parents and children.) 

FYI if you have a sick child in your family like this, ask the parents if you can stop by 30 minutes to an hour, it helps. Mom and baby/child see someone new and you don’t have to buy them anything. Just ask a nurse if you can bring the child some toys from their play area. Anything new to the child helps during a 10-hour treatment!

After 15-20 minutes it’s time to set up the IV. We are taken to another room Koa and I. Grandma doesn’t wish to see this part and I understand why. It’s not fun and it hurts. I find myself in this small room with my child and four other ladies. One is our outpatient treatment nurse, the other Child Life, and two are nurses or maybe phlebotomist, I’m not sure. Koa is on my lap and I hold him there while his arms, hand, and feet are checked for the best vein. He squirms and of course, detests this whole process. I have to continually put him back on my lap as he slides down. The first time they try to insert the IV the vein blows as they said and they have to try again somewhere else. Right away, petechiae appears on his arm around the site of the failed attempt. 

They finally establish the IV in his hand and the nurse puts medical tape and a shield around his hand. This took a book and two songs on the IPad to entertain my child. The Child Life worker helped keep him entertained. Still, he cries because an IV is much harder to establish than a blood draw. I asked the nurse why IV is so hard and she explained to me a little. A blood draw is just to take blood out of course but an IV enters a vein to add contents from the IV to the blood stream. So it needs to sit well and stay in. It’s hard as as mom when they are poking and prodding your child. Also a nurse had most of ther arm weight down on my child and it felt like she was pressing down hard on him to stay still. I told her not to forget that he bruises easily. ITP is rare they only have one other patient that lives in the city although more might come to DeVos for treatment. She listens as I speak and says “Oh yes” and then she lightens her arm on Koa. As a rare disorder mom you have to be a spokesperson for your child even amongst nurses. We get back to the room with nana. She talks to him. Then the nurse hooks him up. She gives him medication as well and says he will be asleep in 5-10 minutes due to the drugs. He falls asleep, but it takes quite some time the nurse enters and exits so many times. Child life stops in as well to see when we wish for music therapy to come in. We say later since he starts napping. As he sleeps I thank God for my child and plead for him to get well soon . Yet I’m also thankful that he is finally receiving the treatment he needs. It was a long battle to get approved from insurance but maybe more on that later. 

As he naps my mom is on the phone with my mother in law explaining what the treatments looks like and everything. She goes to the restroom to talk so she won’t wake up Koa. After her call, we eat some sandwiches and snacks from the nourishment area as he sleeps. When Koa awakes we are still going strong with the IVIG. He plays a little on the floor and we give him snacks. I place an online order for Zoup soup. My mom goes to get it in the few minutes the order takes. Dad visits on lunch to play with him and visit. I share my soup and treats with husband. Child Life comes in and decides to send someone later after family time. I crave in a snack because of the stress of it all and give Koa some snacks too. The nurse comes in to check on us and give more medicine. Koa acts a little suirmy and grandma holds him in the chair. Once his dad is gone I go back to Zoup because my mom didn’t realize she’d have to pick up my sweet tea from the cooler. Then I come back and see that Koa didn’t like me leaving but is happy I am back. I use the restroom and hear my mom reacting to Koa who has just thrown up. As I exit the restroom I see Koa has thrown up all over mom. She and him are both a mess. I hold Koa so she can clean up. He cries as fusses because he is messy and of course uncomfortable. She picked her shirt up so she wouldn’t drop all the gross stuff. She uses the restroom. I look at Koa and it is in his hair and on his IV and his clothing. What a mess! Mom changes shirts and I use the sink in the room to rinse his hair. We called the nurse of course to help clean nup. She has to change his medial tape and clean off his IV shield. Note to ITP moms, everyone needs a change of clothes that comes, just in case!

We get him all cleaned up and then Music Therapy with Child LIfe comes in. He is a little shocked at her at first, but seems interested in her guitar and musical instruments. I sing along as she starts with his favorite Wheels on the Bus. My mom has to leave as she cries a little after the first song. She comes back to sing and thank them. Then the nurse has to finish giving him the rest of his liquid medicine he refuses this terribly. The nurse tries, I try, then grandma tries and gets it down! He was screaming, crying and turning his face away every time we came with the little syringe. Towards the end Koa seems really irritable and crys/fusses a lot. We assume he’s going back to sleep with the medication the nurse gave him. He fights sleeping plays some more and then falls asleep. By time my husband comes back after 4:45 he is still asleep. My husband and switch off holding him, so I can go home to tutor online. We told the nurse ahead of time that I would switch with my husband. She asked if I could call the sessions off since Koa is in care. I said maybe but didn’t really want her making decisions for my personal life. Plus my mom and husband watch him while I tutor any other evening. I was there 100% of the time for the last one. Mentally I think it’s good to take a break. Let the other parent take some of the burden. I did 8 hour and husband did 2 or less. No that I’m comparing but having shifts just like the nurses do really helps out. Koa has two adults and that’s enough. 

Then I drove my husband’s car home which was an experience by itself and I taught online. An hour and a half later husband, Koa, and grandma arrive home.

Once we are all home together we are beyond exhausted. Then my husband assembled Koa’s  Cocomelon bed together the same night. Kudos to him! 

Post Care

The post care for Koa included taking pills for 3 days. Two sets of pills twice a day, one in the moring and one in the evening. It was also very rough getting the medication from our local Meijer Pharmacy because one was ready and technically he needed the unavailable one first. Then I call and tell them this and explain if he needs it twice a day he should get at least one dos by noon. The other medication they are out of and it’s clear there is some confusion about it in general. So the pharmacy and the hematology/ oncology team goes back and forth several times. Then I’m at the pharmacy and Koa can’t sit still. Then they inform me that the last medicine comes in a liquid but it’s too late the change it now. So yeah totally don’t recommend Meijer Pharmacy but what are you going to do.  You still need the medication at the end of the day. 

That’s a wrap. Or an unhooking as we could say.

PurpleMom 

#ITP awareness

Elyssa Green

[willowistic22]

"He urgently needs soup" for Ikeshot?

I got that school project done yayy which means I am back to writing my heart out in newsies fanfics JAHFJNFJKSNJSDF. i wrote this from start to finish for like 3-4 hours straight lol i wish i was this productive every day. one of my favorite and very underrated ship btw so i was soo excited to write it. and also might be a little too long than my other drabble request but hey ive been saying that for almost all of my drabble requests so im sorry not sorry  ✌🤪

requests are still closed for now till i have the motivation to reblog another prompt list but that also just applies to requests in general lol. till then, enjoy this and my next drabble request still in the works. 

He lets the cool night breeze be his company, sitting on the outdoor table of the restaurant his date told him to meet him at. Hotshot didn’t want to order till his date arrive, despite the loud grumbling coming from his stomach. Hotshot isn’t sure how long he has before starvation gets the best of him. Because it’s been well over an hour and a half, and his date hasn’t arrived yet. 

He bounces his leg frantically, the anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach worsens with every passing moment of not knowing. Hotshot puts all his energy and focus on the small details around him, ruffling his dark brown hair, fidgeting his fingers together. Doing all that just to distract his brain from what’s most likely happening right now. 

This can’t actually be happening, can it? Why would Hotshot get stood up on the third date? The one where his date had chosen what to do and promised to pay for it? Besides, it seemed that his date was showing genuine interest in him. Or did Hotshot just got too excited and read it all wrong? Is this suppose to be some sort of sign he needs to decipher? 

God, he hated those intrusive thoughts. It gave him a sudden headache, forcing him to pull away his focus from the tiny lights the restaurant had hanged for decorations. Putting his elbow on the table, Hotshot uses his palm to support his heavy head. 

“Are you ready to order now?” The same waitress came back to ask the same question for the seventh time, or is this the eight? Hotshot can only shake his head, the same answer he’s been providing every time that question is thrown at him, turning his face away just to avoid seeing the pity the waitress showed.

Hotshot still wants to hope for the best outcome, but him and every other people noticing his loneliness knows what’s happening. Still, he pulls out his phone to see if his date had responded to his text or he had missed a call. Nothing. Hotshot moves to text his friend Spot, asking him for a second opinion on what to do. 

It fucking sucks because I really like him. Hotshot had texted. He has to have a proper explanation for being this late, right?

He waits for the texting bubbles from Spot to turn into readable text, which didn’t took too long. 

You call two hours late? Look, I’m sorry I have to say this but he stood you up! 

Hotshot doesn’t respond for a moment because he doesn’t want to believe what his friend said. More texting bubbles starts to appear. He places his phone on the table to wait what more Spot has to say. 

I’m saying this because you’re my friend, Hotshot. Come over and we’ll talk about it

That offer looks tempting in Hotshot’s eyes. Before he could reply, the screen of his phone switches to the call display. The name on it confuses him, seeing that he had been ignoring Hotshot for the whole night. 

Hotshot was hesitant to answer it at first, but maybe it’s worth to listen what kind of sorry excuse he had for his lateness. That is, if this still counts as being late. 

“Hello?” Hotshot hesitantly spoke as he put his phone up to his ear. 

“Hey, uhh... a-are you still waiting at the restaurant?” The voice asked, tone nervously shaking. Hotshot could pick up some background noises from the callers end, it’s quite loud but it sounds like there’s too many things happening there to the point he can’t really tell what is what. 

“Yeah, yeah I am. Where are you?” 

There was a little pause for a second before he finally responded again, “So... remember I told you that I have a twin brother?” 

“Yes?” 

“And how I exaggerated about him being a total dumbass and an overall useless human being?” He continued on with a little awkward laughter following after, “Well, you’ll never believe what just happened and where I’m at right now” 

Ike’s in the hospital. The emergency room to be exact. Ike’s brother, Mike, had gotten himself into a drunken accident while he was at a bar. Ike didn’t fully explain what happened because he has no idea what happened there himself.

Hotshot thought Ike genuinely felt bad for leaving him hanging like that. He wanted to tell him but he was just too caught up with what’s happening at the moment. Things had just calmed down on his end, which is why it took him two hours to call Hotshot. 

He told Hotshot to come see him at the emergency room and get takeout for them to enjoy, plus a little something for Mike. Hotshot briefly explained to Spot what was really happening before he head to the hospital to make sure he doesn’t leave his friend hanging. 

The ER is packed with people. Whether they’re there as a patient or as a health worker in the middle of doing their night shift. A strong smell of latex and other medical scents filled his nostrils as soon as he stepped through the automatic doors. The lights are nearly blinding, but it didn’t took long for him to adjust to it.

He scanned the place to look for a small specific boy in the midst of the rush. He finally spotted a familiar face in the far back, hunched over a hospital bed. Hotshot caught his attention with a wave of his hand, which made him stand up from his seat to walk over to him. 

Hotshot makes his own way to him and they meet in the middle of their path. He bends down a little to give Ike a hug once they’ve gotten close enough, but Ike parted with an awkward smile, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t planned on having a date at the ER!” 

To which they both laughed as they make their way to Mike’s hospital bed. 

“What did you get?” Ike asked, finally noticing the takeaway bag Hotshot was carrying. 

“Nothing more than what you suggested on getting” Hotshot replied. Ike had suggested on getting the seafood dishes because that’s their specialty. But he specifically directs Hotshot on what to get for Mike. 

“That means you ordered something for Mike?” He asked, and got a simple nod as a reply, “Good. ‘Cause from what I can tell with his current condition...” 

He moves the hospital curtain to reveal an identical figure lying helplessly on the bed, a cast on the left arm and another cast wrapped around his head. Ike leans his weight against the bed railings with his hands before adding on, “... he urgently needs soup” 

“Is this the guy that keeps on kidnapping you from me to go on corny dates?” The boy on the bed managed to speak up. He looks a little disoriented but his consciousness is present. 

“Mike, we’ve only been on two dates” 

“And he’s gonna keep on doing it, is he?!”

Hotshot laughed at the brotherly interaction before Ike finally pulled a second chair for him. Mike gets his soup, despite still not being able to function properly, while Hotshot and Ike gets to have their third date. The two eat their respective dishes accompanied with a small chat but mostly getting entertained with Mike who’s either still under the influence of anesthesia or the alcohol. Maybe they’re lucky and got both. 

“I’m so sorry our dinner date had to turn into... ‘this’...” Ike put down his wooden spoon in the small food container to gesture his hands towards his brother, “And I’m sorry that it looked like I stood you up” 

“It’s okay. I mean, at least this isn’t another corny date like what he said” 

To which, Ike responded with a small laugh. 

“I should step up my game and get my friend to third wheel us on another ER date next time” Hotshot joked, earning a laugh from Ike, “Taking you on corny dates would piss your brother off” 

“Mike’s an idiot but he’s harmless” Ike explained after he stopped his laughing, “And... I don’t mind the corny dates. I just enjoy going out with you in general!”

Hotshot smiles at him sweetly and Ike returns the favor, ignoring the reality of where they actually are. It made him feel warm to know Ike felt the same way about hanging out with him. Because Hotshot clearly likes him. A lot. 

“Jesus, guys! Get a room!” Mike called out. He might still be a little dysfunctional but he’s sober enough to realize the tension between them, “Don’t gotta make me and my soup feel single while you two make out in public!” 

Hotshot looks down to his food to hide his laugh, whilst Ike gives his brother the stink eye but manages out a laugh. He face Hotshot again, “I swear, this isn’t how I wanted you two to meet” 

[freddiesaysalright]

Catching Up Part X

A Joe Mazzello x Reader Fic!

Summary: Reader is a writer for an entertainment news network and after Joe comes in to do an interview, they reconnect. Unexpectedly, they’re having a child together.  

Word Count: 2.8K

A/N: Sorry this took so long! I’ve been so busy with requests! But I’m really dedicated to this story and I can’t wait for y’all to see how it ends! We’re getting close now!

Tag List: @crazylittlethingcalledobsession @jennyggggrrr @somethinginthewayiam, @grandaddy-roger-trash, @rogerloveshiscar, @hopefully-aesthetically-pleasing, @danamaleksworld, @mrsmazzello, @reedusteinrambles, @rexorangecouny, @caborhapch, @kurt-nightcrawler, @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls, @queendeakyy, @hotttspace, @anxious-diabetic, @someone-get-a-medic, @psychosupernatural, @lizvxx

Let me know if you’d like to be added! I think this story is going to have two more parts and an epilogue!

Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV  Part V Part VI  Part VII  Part VIII  Part IX

Part X here we go!!!

Joe got his castmates on skype to tell them the big news. Rami, Gwilym, and Lucy were in Chicago. Allen was in London. Ben was in Los Angeles. But all of them knew that it was the day, and they had already arranged a time for Joe to call when they could all answer. You and Joe were on your laptop at your apartment, grinning like crazy at each other and at your friends. They looked eagerly at the two of you.

“So,” said Rami. “Boy or girl?”

You and Joe looked at each other and then back at them.

“It’s a boy!” you cried in unison.

They all clapped and shouted their congratulations. You held up the latest sonogram and they absolutely fawned over it.

“He’s beautiful!” Lucy cooed.

“What are you gonna call him?” asked Ben.

“I thought I told you,” said Joe. “Joseph Francis Mazzello IV.”

“I mean, yeah, but you’re already Joe,” Ben said. “What’s his nickname gonna be?”

“Joey?” Gwilym guessed.

“I call him Joey,” you said, pointing to Joe.

“We could both be Joey,” Joe said.

“That might get confusing,” Allen added.

“Whatever we call him will come naturally, I think,” you said. “He might even tell us what he wants to be called.”

“That’s true,” Joe said.

You chatted with them for a little longer, and they caught you and Joe up on what was going on in their lives. It was nice to hear from them all. The only one you hadn’t met in person was Allen, but he was very nice. When they all had to go, you hung up. You sighed and looked at Joe, happier than you had been in a long time.

“So, what would you say to a round of destressing?” he teased, leaning over to kiss you.

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” you returned, smirking.

“It’s just doctor’s orders,” he said.

“Well, I can’t very well say no to that,” you said, kissing him again.

Giggling, you made your way to the bedroom to celebrate.

The following weeks were mostly focused on the move. You and Joe hired movers since you were well into your second trimester and it wasn’t safe for you to lift anything. It made you feel incredibly useless throughout the process. Joe insisted you were carrying the most precious piece of your home, and therefore had no obligation to move furniture or boxes.

On the official moving day, which ended up being late September, you spent time with Christy while Joe oversaw the moving process. It was nice to get quality time with her and celebrate your friendship together before you both took steps you knew meant less time for each other. Several times throughout the day, you got a little emotional thinking about it. As much as you loved Joe, you were going to miss Christy dearly. You were walking together in Central Park when you had to stop and rest.

“Sorry,” you said as you took a seat on a bench. “I’m feeling a little nauseous.”

“Ice cream didn’t agree with little Joey?” she wondered.

You shook your head. “I dunno. I’m still having a lot of nausea. Not as much as the first trimester, but enough to be annoyed.”

“Is that normal?” she asked.

“I have no idea,” you said with a shrug. “Pregnancy is so fucking weird I figure there’s no ‘normal’ way, y’know?”

“I guess that’s fair,” she chuckled.

“According to Google I shouldn’t worry,” you said. “It’s probably just that my hormones are going crazy right now.”

“It just sucks you can’t take anything,” she said.

“Yeah,” you agreed. “I get headaches a lot too, so it’s doubly awful.”

“God, I’m never getting pregnant,” she joked.

“Never say never,” you returned. “Don’t forget we weren’t trying for Joey here.”

She laughed. “I’m gonna be super careful to not get pregnant,” she corrected.

When you were feeling better, you began walking again. You told her about all the things you and Joe had done to prepare the house and what you’d gotten for the nursery. She was honestly thrilled for you and couldn’t wait to see it.

Joe picked you up from the park, looking sweaty and exhausted from a whole day of moving. After saying goodbye to Christy, you slid into the passenger seat, cradling your belly in one hand as you settled in. Joe kissed your cheek.

“You look sexy,” you joked, wiping his hair off his soaked forehead.

He smiled. “The house is almost done. We just need to unpack clothes, but I’ve got stuff for us to wear tonight.”

“Okay, we can take care of that tomorrow,” you said. “I can’t wait to see it.”

It looked much like you had imagined it would over the weeks. You and Joe had picked out everything together, and it really felt like yours. This was the Mazzello home. Joe wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you walked through it together. There were boxes of clothes, and some kitchen things that needed to be put away, but that was all part of moving.

“Welcome home,” Joe said.

You grinned. “It’s perfect.”

That evening, after you and Joe ordered a pizza and had that for dinner, you settled into bed pretty early. For the first night in many, you didn’t make love because he was so tired. You didn’t push because your stomach still felt a little queasy and you didn’t feel super sexy. Just as you leaned back against your pillows and cracked open a book, your phone rang.

“Who’s that?” Joe mumbled beside you, half asleep already.

“It’s Christy,” you said, and picked up. “Hey, sweetie. What’s up?”

“I just got our mail,” she said. “You’ve got a letter from Nick.”

“What?” you gasped. “Can you bring it over? We’re already in bed.”

She scoffed. “Really? You leave our apartment for one day and you’re already a grandmother?”

“We’re lame and tired,” you returned, trying to joke but worry was too strong in your heart. “Can you just bring it?”

“Yeah,” she agreed, and hung up. You knew she was already on the way.

“What’s up?” Joe asked.

“Nothing, baby,” you assured him, kissing his cheek. “Go to sleep. I just left a few things at the apartment.”

He muttered something else, but you didn’t really take it in. You got up, put on sweatpants and went downstairs to wait for Christy. The fifteen minute trip felt like hours when she was bringing you word from Nick. You hoped this meant he was ready to take a plea bargain and you wouldn’t have to go to court again.

When she arrived, you opened the door before she could knock. She had the letter and a few other things for you, but you just tossed them on the counter as you turned the kitchen light on. You eagerly ripped the letter open and pulled it out, your eyes frantically scanning the page. Your mouth fell open at what you read.

“What?” Christy asked. “What did he say?”

“What did who say?” Joe added as he came into the room. “What’s going on?”

“Nick wrote me from jail,” you told him.

“Why’d you say it was nothing?” he demanded.

“I wanted you to rest!” you insisted. “Why are you up?”

“I don’t sleep well without you next to me,” he said.

You didn’t have time to admire that sentiment. Christy let out a frustrated groan.

“You two are adorable, but we don’t have time for this!” she cried. “Y/N, what did Nick say?”

They both had curious eyes on you as you read the words on the page once more, cementing their reality in your head.

“He wants to see me,” you told them. “He says he’ll take the plea bargain but only if I come and talk to him. But he doesn’t say what it’s about.”

“This feels slimy,” Christy said. “Like a trap.”

“He can’t hurt me,” you said. “It’s all supervised.”

“Y/N, are seriously considering going?” Joe questioned.

“Of course,” you said. “If I can end this sooner, I want to take the opportunity.”

“But if you can get him in court -” Christy began but you cut her off.

“We don’t know that for sure,” you said. “And the court date sucks because Joe’s gonna be in London for the BoRhap premiere and you’re going to be in Florida with your boyfriend. I’d have to go alone.”

“What if he’s lying?” Joe asked. “I’m with Christy, I think he just wants to try and intimidate you again.”

“Well, so what if it is?” you said. “Then we’ll go about it the original plan. I don’t see what harm it can do.”

“It could cause you more stress, and the doctor said to do things that do the opposite of that,” he reminded you.

“It could also relieve the stress,” you argued. “Because then I won’t be so scared about going alone to court.”

“Why do you want to go so bad?” he questioned.

“All the reasons I’ve just said!” you returned. “Aren’t you listening to me?”

“I just don’t understand why you’re giving him the satisfaction,” he said, heaving a sigh. “This puts all the power in his hands.”

“It’s not about having power, it’s about finishing this,” you said. “I want to move on from him, and the sooner the better. A whole month before the court date.”

“Y/N, you can’t do this,” he said. “I’m gonna have to put my foot down.”

Your mouth fell open and you blinked at him for several moments. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“Oh my God, run, Joe,” Christy muttered to him.

“I said I’m putting my foot down,” he repeated. “No.”

“You know if you’re gonna keep speaking to me like that, you might as well get me a chew toy,” you spat.

“I didn’t mean -”

You cut across him. “Oh, didn’t you? Because that’s how you talk to dogs and badly behaved children, but definitely not your girlfriend who is five months pregnant with your child.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking down.

“Apology accepted,” you said. “I love you and value your opinion, Joe, and you don’t always have to agree with me. But you will treat me with some goddamn respect.”

“Jesus, Y/N, use a dick,” Christy breathed.

“You’re right,” he conceded, ignoring your friend. “Again, I’m sorry. It’s been a long day, and I just worry about you. That’s all.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” you said with a sigh. “I’m going to see Nick. And you can come with me or not, but I’m going.”

“I’ll come with you,” he said. “Doesn’t mean I think it’s right, but I don’t want you to go alone.”

When you had everything arranged to go and see Nick, you found yourself more nervous than you thought you’d be. You tried to think of what you could say to him, but Joe and Christy advised waiting until hearing what he had to say before forming any ideas. Not having anything prepared though made you feel anxious.

The jail he was being held in also made you nervous. The officers there were stern and intimidating, but you figured they had to be with the job they had. You would see Nick in a common area that reminded you of a school cafeteria, but a lot scarier. Nick looked rather pathetic is in uniform, and he’d clearly not gotten any drugs either. His recent bout with withdrawal was written all over his face.

Joe held your hand tightly as you took a deep breath. Nick would also now know that you were pregnant. You’d been careful during the first court date to wear loose clothes and hide your bump. It helped that he hadn’t looked very hard at you. You saw his eyes go wide when he noticed it now. You placed your hand on your bump as you took a seat across from him. Joe remained standing, keeping a hand on your shoulder as he glowered at Nick.

“So,” you said. “What do you want to say?”

“First of all, I want to say I’m sorry, Y/N,” he began. “I’m really sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”

“Okay,” you said, your voice stony. “You tried to say that before you broke my phone and wrecked my apartment. You’re gonna have to do better, Nick.”

“I don’t know what came over me there,” he said.

“I do,” you remarked.

“Please, let me finish,” he said, and you got quiet. “I don’t know what came over me. I truly didn’t go there with the intention of hurting you or begging for you back. I went there to ask you for money, and I lied to try and get it from you, I know. I don’t know why you having a boyfriend upset me so much.”

“Did you think there was still hope for us?” you asked.

He looked down at his hands. “Maybe a little. I always thought if I got clean...you might...”

“Forgive you for selling naked photos of me?” you wondered in disbelief. “How could I ever get past that?”

“You’re right, it was stupid,” he admitted. “But I couldn’t help but hold out hope, y’know?”

“This is getting off track,” you said. “Is there anything else you wanted?”

“I just want to know that you forgive me,” he told you. “It’s the only way I’ll be able to face a year in prison.”

You completely hardened as you glared at him. “You wanna know what I faced because of what you did? I was a prisoner in my own head, fearing every fucking camera I came into contact with. I was afraid for my job, for my reputation. I lost friends and family. It affected my relationship with Joe. And then you sent them to him and his friends and God knows who else! I had to start over all the progress I’d made on moving past it! And you want my forgiveness so that you can go to prison and feel okay?”

He sputtered for words.

“I forgive you, Nick,” you said, and he looked at you, wide-eyed. “But not for your sake. I’m forgiving you so I can move on with my own life and focus on this.” You placed your hand on your belly again. “He’s my life now. I’m looking forward, because I can’t look at you anymore.”

Tears welled up in your eyes and your head started to pound. You winced with pain and Joe knelt closer to you.

“You okay?” he asked.

You nodded. “I think so. I’m ready to go now.”

You both looked at Nick and then you spoke again. “Is there anything else? Are you ready to take the plea deal?”

“Yeah,” he said simply. “Just one more thing.”

You looked expectantly at him. He nodded toward your baby bump.

“If I had never gotten into the drugs, do you think that could have been us?”

“No,” you said simply. “It was always going to be me and Joe.”

He nodded, resigned, and you told the guard you were ready. You could feel Nick’s eyes on you as you left, willing you to turn around for one last meaningful look, but you didn’t give it to him. You were ending this on your terms. And that meant turning your back to him forever and pressing on with Joe and your son.

When you exited the prison, you felt so free. Joe looked hard at you. You’d gotten a little emotional inside, but that was gone now. Relief washed over you like a wave.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he wondered.

“Yeah,” you said, taking his hand as you made your back to your car. You stopped him before you got in, turning him to face you.

“I meant what I said in there,” you said. “It’s me and you now, okay? And little Joey. I’m not worried about anyone from the past. Not when I’ve got you two.”

He kissed you, his hands coming up to cradle your face as his lips claimed yours. This kiss sealed it.

“No more looking back,” he agreed. “I love you, Y/N. I’m sorry I gave you a hard time about this.”

“I love you too,” you said. “And don’t worry about it. I understand why, and it makes me love you even more. You still supported me through it. Thank you, Joe.”

“You feel good about everything?” he asked.

“I do,” you assured him. “It feels like closure.”

He pulled you into a hug. “Good.”

You broke away and you both climbed into the car.

“You know what this means?” you said eagerly as he started to drive back to the house.

“No, what?” he wondered.

“We can just be excited about the premiere of Bohemian Rhapsody!” you squealed. “Yay!”

He laughed. “And then Joey’s gonna get here!”

“I know!” you cried. “We’ve got so much to look forward to!”

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[personaehq]

INCOMING MESSAGE …

FULL NAME: park eunjae ALIAS: zion DATE OF BIRTH: 2116/08/15 ALIGNMENT: neutral OCCUPATION: n/a AFFILIATION: strategist for the fraternity ACCOMMODATION: pointe units, shinjuku FACECLAIM: choi minho

ACCESSING: BACKGROUND …

alcoholism tw, domestic abuse tw

0.

from an outside point of view, eunjae is supposed to be one of the lucky ones. his father is a respected politician, and his mother is also well known in that circle of people — as such, it’s natural that one would assume the park children are born with silver spoons in their mouths. his older brother and eunjae should live an easy life, much easier than the majority of people living in tokyo. they have immigrant parents, but their residency has little to do with suffering, and more to do with picking the place most fitting for their comfort.

however, the story doesn’t follow through on the same pattern. mr. park has always been too fond of nightlife, and one way or another, he becomes associated with illegal gambling circles. when the honeymoon phase is over between him and his wife, when having another child isn’t enough to mend the broken ties between the two — it slowly becomes clear that they cannot live in the same house anymore. one night, he comes home drunker than any other night, and gets into a verbal fight with mrs. park. words are thrown around, yells reach their neighbours, the boys cower in their rooms. perhaps the pair is being more honest to each other than they have ever been — and separation becomes inevitable.

i.

it’s decided that the oldest child stays with the mother, and the youngest stays with the father. they are both respectable figures that the court process is arduous, and each side leaves with losses and wins. the only reason they don’t fight verbally is because they don’t want to tarnish their reputation anymore. if you ask the boys, however, the worst part of it is that it’s clear the brothers will grow up separated, and the parents have no plans whatsoever to get them to meet regularly.

only occasions they see each other are events both parents needs to attend, but other than that — they are raised in completely different households, unaware of what the other is going through.

ii.

mr. park is — flaky at best, violent at worst. most of eunjae’s childhood is spent either alone, or with babysitters that come and go. when money becomes short, he is left to fend for himself after school, staying up however long he wants, spends time online with his laptop. it becomes his solace, a place of fixation where he can do whatever he wants, become whoever he wants.

earlier on, while he wished for his father to come home so they could spend time together, as he grows up, he wishes he would never return. there are times when he comes late, drunk and angry, screaming about yet another game he has lost. when eunjae didn’t know any better, he had tried to comfort him, get him into bed and make sure he drank water before falling asleep somewhere — but now, all he wants is to hide, hide and never see him again.

it’s a bitter feeling, the idea of his brother and mom being happy somewhere while he hides in a closet, clutching an aching arm to his chest. ’you look just like your mother, that bitch — it’s all her fault! it’s all your fault!’ the voice echoes in his head and he sheds silent tears in the darkness.

the next morning, his father leaves as if nothing happened the night before.

iii.

as eunjae gets older, his hatred for his father grows. slowly but surely, he understands the man cares nothing other than himself, and he desperately yearns to be away from him. if he can’t do so physically, he tries to do it on the computer. all the time spent on the internet hones his skills to a great extent. he becomes zion online, equipping an identity, working with independent hackers for more power and information. it feels exhilarating to be someone else for the day, away from the hellhole he has to call home.

one night, it’s worse than any other, mr. park is pissed to such an extent that eunjae wants nothing more than to get away. he is barely fourteen, but he knows he doesn’t want to stay home anymore. so, he runs away, packs everything he has into a backpack and slips out before his father returns home. the streets feel wider than ever, the world a bigger place, but it has so much potential that he can’t help but smile to himself. the unknown is scarier than anything he has witnessed before but he doesn’t want ever to return.

iv.

until he gets caught. a child wandering around in the higher layer unattended apparently gets noticed. someone reports it to the police, and the next thing eunjae knows is that he is being returned to mr. park. the man’s name is reputable enough that the police brushes him off as an unruly teenager, not digging any further into what’s wrong at the household.

that night, he sees mr. park angrier than he has ever seen before, eyes filled with fire and fury, lashing out with all he has. “you think you can leave me too? just like she did! who the hell do you think you are?” harsh words follow the harsh blows, and eunjae feels desperation like he never felt before. he thinks this is it — i’m done for. time takes a different quality, it gets black before he can hear loud knocks coming from the door — when he is let go, he slouches, hiding his face in his hands. all he knows is he doesn’t want to see him ever again.

v.

his wish comes true — the night is all a blur, but he learns later that the man has made enough noise to alert the neighbors. it’s someone who has also seen eunjae getting dropped off hours ago, so he is told someone put all the pieces together. even though his body hurts and he has one hell of a headache — he is happy to be away from his father.

vi.

it gets better before it gets worse, life in the foster care is more difficult than he would ever have thought, and it only serves to sharpen him up more. he grows a hard shell around himself, and after a few bad experiences too many, eunjae counts the days until he can leave on his own.

luckily to him, he knows he can make money off of hacking, proud of his computer skills, that’s what separates him from the herd. he manages to wire money into his own account, stealing little from the rich, and little by little, he knows how to integrate himself into a new life.

vii.

he flies too high, drunk on his own freedom and independence, he pisses off people he should have stayed away from. when he steps on the toes of the fraternity, it’s one of the worst mistakes he could have ever done, crossing a criminal organization such as them. he is certain nothing good will follow, that he will get killed — and even if he tries to run away, he gets caught.

it’s the current leader at the time who decides to give him a shot, and eunjae suddenly has to work for them if he wants to keep living. it sucks at first, but he gets used to it much quicker than he would have ever thought. it’s a place he can belong, and when the initial fear is over, the fraternity becomes… a good place for eunjae to be. he works hard, befriends people slowly but surely, manages to be important to the gang. six years fly by, both difficult and exhilarating at the same time, and eunjae feels this is his place.

at the beginning of 2142, he gets promoted to a strategist position. having proved that he is capable of what it takes, can act fast and think faster, eunjae only wants to do better for the fraternity.

ACCESSING: PERSONALITY …

POSITIVE TRAITS: driven, analytical, quick NEGATIVE TRAITS: stubborn, guarded, daredevil

he has grown very secretive over the years, especially considering his father is a high ranking official, and his experiences with him are most likely on record. the hard shell he has built around himself still remains, and it’s very rare that he shows his true colors. there are very few people he is comfortable with to do such thing, so he is always careful in his relationships.

analytical and guarded, he can think rationally under high-stress situations, which helped him a lot during his time with the fraternity. he is a good planner, and collecting data is a crucial part of planning. as such, it takes a lot of time to go with every detail and make sure everything is going to go smoothly — but eunjae devotes himself to it fully. at the same time, he is a daredevil when it’s himself on the line. he loves the exhilaration of doing something dangerous, but he has always been better at brains that brawns, so he knows where he should stand during operations.

… END OF MESSAGE.

[backtojuno]

yoooo ive been really inactive lately, ive been going through a lot of shit. under the readmore is a bunch of stuff i need to get off my chest/make sense of. just be warned, its really long

you can read it if you want but its mostly complaining and cursing

riiiiight so about 2 months ago shit hit the fucking fan. Ive had problems with my neck thats caused very, very bad headaches for maybe 5/6 years or so. mostly i wasnt able to get anything done about it, being dependent on 2 parents who are both very pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps kind of people.in june though, i started working extra shifts at my job so i could pay for a chiropractor. and it worked, i had no headaches... for about a month. for a month after that the headaches came back, even though i was still seeing the chiropractor. AND FUCKING THEN

i was at work, my last weekend before i went on a 2-week trip to see my mom up in ohio! i was super excited. but also in a lot of pain too. most of the way through my shift i cracked my neck, a little bit too hard. all of a sudden i was floating about a foot over my head, i was getting hot flashes, and the left side of my throat went numb. of course, i panicked, told my manager and called my dad. my dad called his doctor and he said that since my hands/feet/anything werent tingling or anything like that I was alright, but i should still see a doctor. dad decided not to take me to the ER, but I was still goddamn scared. I still am, honestly. of course, this got more complicated. it was a saturday, so doctors offices were closed and wouldnt be open til monday, the day that id leave for ohio. it was a really hard decision but if i didnt get on the plane to ohio, i wouldve had to forfeit the trip entirely. so, i went to ohio and my mom set an appointment for thursday for a doctor.

i waited, we went, and i told my story to the doctor. she didnt do any tests on me, didnt even touch me. just said i had probably hit a nerve and that i was fine, and offered to prescribe medicine which i didnt want. EXCEPT. FOR FUCKS SAKE. the day after i went to the doctor i started feeling this pressure on the side of my throat,right in that fleshy part just underneath the back of your jaw.i thought and hoped it would go away. it fucking didnt. some days were better than others but on some days id be sightseeing with my family and id be silent, standing in a museum looking at The Plane that The Wright Brothers Themselves built, and trying not to panic bc the pressure in my throat was bad and it felt like i couldnt get enough air in. when i told my mom she told me to calm down. that did not help, at all. anyways, the rest of the trip passed and i flew home. EXCEPT. JESUS CHRIST. while i was on the plane, i was having a hard time popping my ear. I didnt have any gum (and i hate gum anyways bc of misophonia) so i ended up spending the entire plane ride moving my jaw to try and pressurize my ear. that, of course, ended up with me doing something to the right side of my jaw that makes it crackle and sometimes pop when i move it. it also hurts sometimes, which is weird bc the only jaw pain ive ever had was when i had all 4 of my wisdom teeth taken out at once. with the pressure in my throat though, it was kind of an afterthought at the time

anyways. since doctor #1 really hadnt done anything and i didnt have a primary doctor, i decided to go to the primary doctor my mom and sister went to when they still lived down here with me. its probably a good time to mention that that side of the family is the one im close to and im stuck here in florida for another year while i finish college. anyways. getting to him was a long wait but i got there and told him my story and he ordered some x rays of my neck and bloodwork, and prescribed me medicine. i waited for the tests and waited more for the follow up. looked at everything and told me everything was peachy keen, perfect except for a little bit of degeneration in my spinal vertebrae. it looked like things were kinda (really) out of his area of expertise, so he prescribed me a different medicine and a few sessions of physical therapy and recommended a nose & throat specialist to go to if the throat pressure didnt go away. i am goddamn lucky my dad offered to pay for my medical expenses. Doctor #3 was more or less useless.

on to doctor #3! he’s a neck specialist. i managed to get an appointment pretty quickly with him so i waited to see him. i didnt see him on the day of the appointment, but rather his assistant. she listened to my story (except that i forgot to tell her about the throat pressure thing. i s2g i go featherbrained around doctors) and then tested my arm and leg strength/mobility/general usefulness/whatever. then she ordered an mri of my neck. i waited for the mri, then waited again for the follow up. She, of course, said there was nothing wrong and when i remembered to tell her about the throat thing (which had still not gone away, 2 months later) she just looked kinda confused. she, like doctor #2, prescribed me a different medicine and a month of physical therapy. i think somewhere along the timeline of seeing doctor #3 my jaw started acting up again? i dont remember the exact timing of that but it hurt, and it sucked. my throat also started getting pretty uncomfortable when i talked, like i had to work harder to speak at a normal level. that also sucks when you work in a customer service job

so i managed to rule out that the throat thing wasnt bc of my neck and that my vertebrae werent gonna spontaneously combust or anything, i booked an apointment with the nose & throat specialist, which was on tuesday. by this time i was a damn mess. i still felt at times that i was having a hard time breathing and i really couldnt even think about it without going on the verge of a panic attack. 2 months and NO answers other than “huh, that’s weird” (the physical therapist literally told me that to my face). i had started to do research on my own for lack of anything better. that led me to eagle syndrome! which described exactly what i was feeling! (http://www.livingwitheagle.org/t/es-information-common-symptoms-and-possible-explanations-for-them/1389) and from what i read, there’s no cure! just analgesics and surgery, really. that really, really did not help- if you cant do anything then whats the point, right?

EX-FUCKING-CEPT. right around the time that i figured that out, i started having pain in my chest. i didnt know why it was happening (i later figured out that its bc when i sleep on my side i put too much pressure on my chest and it hurts me where my ribs and my sternum meet. it just decided to act up then). still though, i didnt know that at the time and let me tell you, when your chest starts hurting after youve been having whats more or less a 2-month-long constant panic attack, its goddamn TERRIFYING. i had lost my appetite a couple days before and had not been eating much, so i was weak and my heart was beating weirdly. i asked my dad what to do. he told me to call my primary, and they told me to go to the ER. i asked my dad to take me to the ER. his answer? “no, we’re going to an urgent care clinic”. the urgent care clinic, of course, couldnt do anything, while i sat there crying. (the doctor there, doctor #4, literally told me to just wait to see the nose & throat guy and that “i should try to be more composed when i see him”) meanwhile, when trying to talk about what ive been feeling to my parents, aka several mentions that i feel like im choking, i was just told to calm down. as if everything wasnt crumbling and going wrong.

so i waited until the appointment on tuesday. actually, no i didnt, i went into depression mode(TM), getting nothing done, and ended up in the doctors office an hour and a half before the appointment on the verge of tears. since it was uncomfortable to talk and something just outside of my throat had started hurting a week before, i had typed up my story (named “The Big Clusterfuck” on my computer). doctor #5 did some tests and mentioned eagle syndrome, even though i had only described it in the paper and not named it, and TMJ. he gave me prednisone for a week and told me to come back in a week. i feel bad for the man, i cried a lot.

ive managed to get my appetite back and have started eating again, and spent all of yesterday evacuating florida. i really, really hope the prednisone works. i dont know what im gonna do if it doesnt. if youre religious or do witchy stuff or whatever floats your boat, please send along a prayer or a spell or something. im not as bad as i was last week but im still Not Okay

[unicornninjabitch]

You: no one asked for another one of these

Me: yeah i know sorry i just have a lot of emotions and shit lately

(Haha thats a lie all i feel lately is annoyed and pain)

Anyway yes I’m going to complain more about life cause i have some emotions i need to get out and shit. Okay I’m very much a night owl, I have been my whole life, I work better t night and just love the night sky and shit. However 8th grade I was really, super, hella depressed cause of family stuff and school and being totally alone and you know the depression (thanks genes!), so I’d be absolutely TERRIFIED to be left alone with my thoughts. I’d stay up all night on youtube or some cringey website or on tumblr just so I didn’t have to lay in bed and think. Also very closeted, very depressed baby Alex had no idea wtf a healthy coping mechanism was, so I cut and it was bad like an every night thing cause after I did I was suddenly really tired and could almost sleep instantly once it hit like 2-3 am. Anyway I fucked my sleeping schedule up at a very young age, so that habit never left and the earliest I go to bed anymore is 12-12:30, whatever im used to it, not good for me but whatever. Then summer started and I didn’t sleep till like 1am-2am so I chalked it up to “it’s summer whatever”, but then it was 2 am-3am and I thought that was a one time thing, but nope. Now (as in the past week/week and a half ish) I’m lucky to get 2-3 hours of sleep and even then I’m up at like 9 am. As you can imagine this has lead to a good amount of problems, but first one additional thing. Now it’s just me and my mom at our house, but because of hour cuts and paying for school and catching up on bills and other shit we don’t really have a ton of money which means we don’t have a ton of food which means what we have we have to make last. With that being said back track to me getting 2-3 hours of sleep, now my body’s tired and I’m exhausted I just wont go to fucking sleep, but I’m hungry as hell. We didn’t have cereal and milk for awhile, so that left me with pasta like I said I’m exhausted so pasta involves cooking, but I couldn’t do it. I knew I’d be too tired half way through the water boiling to finish let alone eat anything. Also cause we don’t have a ton of money I’d get 2 free meals a day in school so I wouldn’t go a whole day (or week) without eating real food (i mean it was gross government food but it got the job done), but in summer I didn’t get that so I just havent eaten really all summer like i could probably count on my hands how many actual meals ive eaten all summer. So the not eating mixed with the not sleepings fucking awful as you can imagine.I had a headache so bad I had to close my curtains put on sunglasses cover my head with a blanket and put my ice on my head in an attempt to help ease the pain, but WAIT THERES MORE. Every bone in my body constantly feels like it needs to crack and im just constantly really achey (idk if that has to do anything but it hurts like hell) Ive tried stretching and resting but it doesnt help, BUT THERES EVEN MORE!! The not eating!! I can feel my stomach being totally empty besides some water and that shit fucking hurts (idk how baby Alex did that shit) AND A FINAL THING your boy was born with god awful child bearing parts and guess what came up?! That’s right devil week so i feel like someones just stabbing me with a pitchfork while also trying to eject food thats not there. Therefore the past few nights Ive basically been clutching my stomach and head, the heating pad isnt helping, and pain killers arent helping much.

At this point youre probably like “dude just some nyquil” which yeah youre right i should but we didnt have extra money this week to buy any and we dont have any so thats why i didnt do that. Also like I said before I /am/ tired, im really fucking tired and i dont really have thoughts its more like fast and loud static and like energy i have to get out or i get uncomfortable, so the past few nights (last night was really bad) Im up clutching and rocking and snapping and tapping my feet just trying to get rid of that energy. It comes a little bit in the day i was talking to a friend and typing so fucking fast while also thinking about some oc idea and then BAM no energy at fucking all like i had to lay down. This also leads into ive been trying to read out loud to myself so i can try to get my voice lower cause my voice bothers the hell out of me, but i cant focus for longer than like 5 minutes cause of loud static and extra energy and being tired and my eyes being tired so its really frustrating.

The thing is i go to a psychiatrist for my meds and what she told me (idk if this is true everywhere or just how she is) that i had like textbook bipolar but becaue at the time i was ike 14/15 they didnt want to diagnose it cause i was still young. Bipolar runs in my family, just like depression and anxiety, so i wasnt super suprised by that and as i got older i got less scared (theres nothing scary about people with bipolar btw i just didnt know what to expect or think cause of how i saw it in like movies and stuff) i thought maybe i wasnt and i just had highs and lows like everyone else, but looking back i can see that the highs and lows were really extreme and like i said before i was super suicidal last year and just kinda gave up and earlier this summer it took a lot of energy to do anything, but this isnt like doing reckless things kinda high like it normally is and it fucking suck ass guys. On top of that my ever so supporting lately mother was like “look up manic episodes” so i told her i know what it is but she just pushed to look it up so i did and of course i made a joke about increased sexual activity (which my virgin is not) and looked like yes i know. (side note dw too much im going to the doctors tomorrow and im gonna see what i can do about my meds and stuff).

So yeah sorry for another shitty life update (not including tons of dysphoria, isolation, and more self hate but whatevs)

[vmgx16]

smol update on my life, im not sure why.. been so long since here, but sometimes i sit worried wondering how ppl i love but lost contact with are doing, always have this fear one day i’ll just never hear from some people again....  aaaanyway. Update. So i have been called several things several more times than expected, ppl say i have a mom like personality, and wow the amount of kinky i could get into surprised even me, specially with how much love and care is in it. 

Had gone through some pretty fucking awful times, me and two people i loved dearly and a friend spent months, maybe an year, in a sort of codependent hurricane of bad, we all suffered from really bad suicidal ideation, depression... it was a shitshow, but, still there was good moments, reasons why i loved them so much, and i knew they could get past it.... i used to not try to hope i would, id say id be happy enough if the two of them ended up happy, even if i died. Of course they said the same thing to themselves...  At some point i scared ppl too much and i was put into suicide watch. Psych obviously saw i was codependent, and it was either limiting my time being able to interact with them severely, or being put on the psychiatric hospital against my will. That time was not good. Had kinda put all the responsibility of their betterment onto me, but during a little bit i was actually in more immediate danger, so they were the ones worried over me... And, well, more complicated things happened, lots of them, i’m so glad we’ve all survived that.... 

It’d be a while before i learned something i had always seen wrong about empathy. i always valued it a lot... several times id try to define myself through it, and in some ways that hasn’t changed. But.. i had to learn that i could be there for others, help them, sympathize with them, but i shouldn’t forget that they’re them, and i’m me. Ever heard of vicarious trauma? i wouldn’t believe it was a thing a lot... i’d think it was me being selfish, trying to turn others’ traumas about me...  But, had same symptoms as trauma, having a word or a situation reminding me of certain things, id feel it immediately, at best a headache, somethings id be scared and panicked, and also things going over and over in my head, unable to leave, showing up in nightmares, also drive to retraumatisation, etc etc. It.. really sucked. It came from, when learning and attempting to help those i love, who had suffered from some really bad things, i didn’t allow myself to feel better than them, in my head id have to be just as miserable, since they didn’t deserve to be miserable, why should i get something better? So yeah, it was some kind of martyr complex, depression telling me i was an awful person often, and me trying to prove it wrong but the bar was beyond what my brain could withstand. i had to learn to put the O2 mask on myself before the next, i can’t help people if i harm myself while doing it. Ok that was a bit much... but.. good news!! We’ve met some amazing ppl lately, and our family is bigger. There’s.. this person who i feel about what id never expect id feel about anyone. Not at first though, it was real cliche how a misunderstanding, (and admittedly me not being the best, or smartest) caused me to kinda hate his guts really fucking hard for a bit. But like, i really dunno how id describe it, person i believe understands what i truly care about the most, and cared just as much if not more. We’re very oddly similar in some things, very very opposed in others, but even when i just can’t agree with him, we say arguments, debate points, and it’s just never destructive, it’s constructive. Of course, i had to learn a bit to get to there though, since, although ive always longed for being able to talk like that, he was some steps ahead of me when it came to having a personal method to do so. Oh, yeah, he is also a lot more intelligent than me, which really pushes me to become more intelligent myself every single day. My drive for self betterment has been better than ever in my life, i always did see i got better at things when there was someone who i wanted to see me succeed, but.. well, will just say it has been incredibly good for me

Oh and he’s so kinky!! It’s interesting, he doesn't even get horny that much, but he believes sex should be something way wayyyyy less taboo than it is in our society. Which, yes i totally agree with. Honestly though, some of the vicarious trauma stuff i said earlier, i thought there was somethings id never be able to see untainted again, some ways to express sexuality that would always remind me of certain horrible feelings, and im so happy i was proven wrong. 

Think i got ahead of myself a bit. I was saying how our family had gotten bigger. Well, the person i was just kinda fangirling about? He’s kinda the reason it did. Him and one of the people i loved met, and then both of them, and them they both were kinda into him a lot (that scared the shit outta me ngl XD), and there were people who already had met him, and people who both groups met mutually in this videogame modding community. My guess is that he has seen how so many servers you can end up meeting awesome ppl but also there are those who kinda try and play politics within, and how it was hard to actually keep these friendships along the time, and so he made a server for those friendships, and it slowly became a family. Gosh.. i could fangirl over each person in the castle for a long time...( oh yeah, server we call castle cuz he is into some medieval fantasy shit, which if you know me you’ll know that shit is my jam (like, fuck being called princess is still something that will get to my heart (although, usually nowadays i get more ‘slut’ or ‘queen’, not much in between XD ))) but one of the things ive learned is how to be more productive with my day, and like, i see now how long i’ve spent on what was supposed to be a very quick update. Seriously, that ‘smol’ up there was a liar. i’ll just say i love them a fucking hell of a lot, they’re snuggly, kind, smart, lovely people. And we all go through some shitty times still, being stronger doesn’t make us invulnerable, but we will support each other, and always get better at doing so. Sometimes it’s overwhelming.. and i get scared  First time in a long time... actually, since ever, except when i was too young to understand anything, where i can actually see any future i can be a part of. 

It’s funny, when i was actually a kid, what id imagine wasn’t too far from this, just well, i believed it was too fantastical to be real. (Although, id never foreseen, for several reasons, that it’d include me being a part of a harem XD which yes we lovingly call some of what we have a harem since most ppl are subby and he’s dommy, even when it’s not sexual CX)

TL;DR: i’m determined and more happy with where i am in life than i thought id get to be! Through good and bad waves, i may cry and fear, but as long as i carry with me the people i love in my heart, and i try to improve at every step, i know i can keep walking. And.. i do try to keep in my heart everyone who’s been important to me, even if i dont see them anymore.

[locuusflower-blog]

ALT Phalloplasty with Dr. Chen

June 12, 2019 was my surgery date.

I’m posting this on June 19, 2019 at 2:40 AM.

I’ll edit this later for better readability.

CONSULT - I had this consultation visit on May 2018. I was prepared for the risks and did my research. 

Finding housing - San Francisco is expensive, so finding housing for the first stage along with all the post-op appointments is good. For some, insurance should be able to cover lodging, travel, and etc for this surgery. However, I have some friends and family that live nearby that I had asked to care for me and it’s been incredible. There’s also the Quest house created by trans guys. They usually are booked in advance and have a fee. These guys have supplies, care, and a place to stay. I highly recommend them, because it’s good to bond with people over the experience and I think it would have comforted me for sure. Definitely have a driver for surgery day.

Fast Forward.

Day b4 surgery - drank a bottle of magnesium citrate for bowel prep. Did this kind of late, so I had to stay up late pooping. Shower with hiblecens. 

Surgery date day post op 0 +  post op day 1 - My friend drove me to the Davies hospital, which is right across from Buncke clinic’s building. We got there at 5 AM. By 7:30 AM, I flushed out the last remains of the bowel prep drank and waited for the doctors and nurses to take me away. I got wheeled away and then I woke up feeling nothing down there except for tightness and kind of high. Well, really high. I was dosing in and out of consciousness next 2 days.

 I bought books, laptop, clothes, wallet, n phone. You only need your phone , phone charger, toiletries (the hospital has some toothpaste, brush, mouth wash package if you ask), wallet, neck pillow, back scratcher, and maybe a small fan (night sweats from anesthesia perhaps). If you definitely are going to read, bring a book. They suggested that I leave my valuables with security or have my friend take them home. My friend took them home, so I ended up with my phone, my charger, my friend’s cheaper laptop, and a book I thought I would read. I didn’t touch the book during my 5 post-op days staying at the hospital. I didn’t bother opening the laptop, because it would feel warm on my stomach or hurt my thighs or keep me awake. I mostly watched TV on the hospital’s television. 

Post op day 2 /3  - I farted a lot with a dapple of sharting. Nurses were cool and wiped me down. I told them I really wanted to let them know to use the bed pan, but I was never sure if it was a fart or a shart.  I started to get big headaches from caffeine withdrawal, dehydration, pain medications. If you drink loads of sugar or caffeine, you definitely want to wean yourself off before surgery as the headaches suck. The nurses will give you an anti-nausea, anti-headache meds to counter the effects of the pain medication I was taking dilaudid via IV. Headaches subsided, but I was still napping a LOT. On day 3, I sat on a commode to try sitting up.

Post op day 4 - I began to sit up in my commode and poop. no luck.  I tried to poop but no go. I also sat up on a chair in the room. It’s a little tough on me, since my legs are pretty short and it puts different kind of weight on my thighs than if I was a taller guy. It wasn’t the most comfortable for sure. They taught me how to empty the catheter bag. I also peeked at my phallus and it was pretty swollen and hard, but of course, it did not look like a cis male phallus and that was fine. I peeked at my right scrotum, since the phallus had to be laid on the left side for much of the time to avoid kinks in blood flow. The right side of the scrotum was like the size of ReelMagik’s packer scrotum X 1.5. It’s swollen like this, because my donor thigh is on my right thigh and apparently the vein was deep in the muscle tissue that they had to get out, creating more serous fluid to seep in to the sac. 

Post op day 5 - I was to practice walking around with some assistance. Nurses were helpful in that. Hardest part is getting in and out of bad, especially if you’re on the shorter side, because you have to move your body closer to the edge before you can sit up and swing your legs over. The walk itself wasn’t too bad, because my thighs are legs of steel. JK no, because I have strong thighs and it’s a freaking surgery, it was pretty painful to remind the nerves in that leg how to function, whereas the other side (skin graft side) is just a constant oozing sunburn / road rash feeing. Later in the day, I asked the nurses to get a bag of kerlix rolls, urinary leg bag, normal catheter bag, those bed wetting pads (forgot what it’s called), bath wipes, and whatever else she thought I needed. I was discharged and my friend provided me with a walker (extremely useful). Except my friend and I forgot that our other friend took my wallet AND my clothes back to the place I’m staying in. I left the hospital in full gown and some incredibly sweet hospital pants. My friend spotted me for the medications bc there ‘s a walgreens pharmacy area in the same building at the buncke clinic. 

[webmuch]

Cupping Therapy For Your Face – Vacuum To Get Glowing Skin

What is cupping all about that everyone has been talking about lately?? To be honest I had heard of cupping therapy but only researched about it when I came across the famous VJ, Bani J’s Instagram account. She recently shared a picture of herself undergoing the Chinese cupping therapy. I got scared at first but when I read more about the ancient eastern medicine practice, I understood how it has helped so many people since. Check out what Bani J had to say about the cupping therapy and read on to learn all about why facial cupping should be a part of your beauty routine.

You look at someone and judge them. Before you even realise you're doing it, before you even realise it's done- it's so innate the programming. ___________________________________________ People that train, athletes, competitive or not, go through a lot of pain on a daily basis. Some internal, some external. It's like muscle warfare, mental warfare – yes one more rep pick it the fuck up.. And then there's all the stuff life likes to throw at you. The good, the beautiful, the love that gets you so high you just want to bury yourself in it, the bad and then the really really fucked up shit that makes you feel you have absolutely no control and where was that fucking thing we like to call 'the point' in all of this to begin with? ____________________________________________ So yes, the notorious ever changing 'point', Don't always assume or think it's all for vanity. Don't assume just because you see the 6pack abs that they were easily obtained, that life is so easy for them, don't think just because you see the smiles and hear the laughter that it didn't take a 90 degree trek and a hell of a horrifying trudge to get to that point. This is the problem with social media these days. It's one highlight reel after the other. Well, here's my highlight, I'm in pain. Physical, emotional and spiritual. I'm also smiling and deliriously in love. It's been a hard week and some of y'all know my moms been sick and she's gotten sicker. And it sucks balls. So yeah. Struggle town population +1 for sure. Not here to crib about it, here to let you know everyone is struggling. Feel the love yourself and then try and see people through it with that Love. It's the most we can do. That's all ❤️ ______________________________________________ PS: this Chinese cupping therapy is Bomb. Hurts like hell, and you're left with these amazing marks. But ayy.. scar tissue always stronger than regular tissue right? Fun science fact: The spots that are redder than others are where there were bigger deeper knots/ stress/ tension. The skin gets red because of the increase in blood flood, relieving of the pressure built up inside and helps get rid of toxins. Now, I need a nap. Gday!

A post shared by ⚡Lady RocknRolla ⚡ (@banij) on May 24, 2017 at 1:21am PDT

Cupping therapy is an ancient form of alternative medicine in which a therapist puts special cups on your skin for a few minutes to create suction. People get it done for many purposes, such as to help with pain, inflammation, blood flow, relaxation and as a type of deep-tissue massage. It is said to promote circulation and tension relief, however facial cupping has an opposite effect visually. Instead of getting bruises the treatment works to increase blood flow and circulation which leaves you with glowing, decongested skin.

Dermatologist’s have said most of the time we get dull skin because of lack of circulation or stimulation under the skin. Unlike the traditional cupping therapy the reason it doesn’t leave bruises on the face is because the cups keep moving, controlling the blood movement which transports toxins away from the surface to be drained through your lymph system. It apparently feels like a vacuum sucking up your skin but it doesn’t hurt. No doubt there will be some redness on your skin but that should fade away within a few hours. They say that the next day after getting this treatment done your skin will feel soft, toned, firm and glowy.

Cupping Therapy For Your Face – Vacuum To Get Glowing Skin

Check out our favourite Farah Dhukai showing us how to do facial cupping with your own home kit below:

INSTANT FACELIFT shrink pores. tighten skin. get rid of acne. heal scars. pretty much achieve perfect skin. HOW??? Go on amazon. Get a cupping kit ($25). change your life. Ive been doing this for the last little while and ive had so many ppl ask if ive had filler in my face and tbh this is alllll ive been doing. its LIFE changing. ☕️This is DRY CUPPING (hijama). It “boosts”ur cardiovascular system and gets your blood circulating. Increased blood flow = HEALTHY “PERFECT” skin! It also reduces inflammation (acne) and activates lymphatic drainage = reduce puffiness, lifts/tightens, removes dark circles ALL YOU NEED: ✅Facial Cups – I got mine from LURE ✅Any oil – I used Chia oil ‼️#1 RULE – ALWAYS KEEP THE CUPS MOVING OTHERWISE YOU WILL BRUISE. apply oil to CLEAN face -I use the pink exfoliator to gently massage the oil all over I do my brows and lips 1st with the small cups – gently squeeze to get suction + “stick” where u want to treat, immediately release and do it again. DO NOT GO ON YOUR EYELID or under eyes. Temple, and brow bone only. I do the same to my lips, but after im done, i run the suction along my lips to get a nice plump Use the larger cups for cheekbones, forehead +jaw/neck .Pinch to get suction and move in an upwards motion. Do this a couple times. Your face WILL turn red. This is your blood circulating. Its a good thing. You can see once im done my left side, it looks MUCH TIGHTER and more LIFTED than my right. The results are instant!! Once youre done both sides, move the cup in circular motions to finish ⏰Do this for 5 mins, 2-3 times a week PS. in case you didnt notice..i was going thru a breakout Cupping is THE BEST when you have acne. I had a big videoshoot 2 days after i filmed this and my acne was literally GONE from doing this ALONE. As “uncomfortable” as it is to show flawed skin in the "perfect instagram world", I wanted to show you that im not perfect. "Perfect” skin is a process, and even if ur going thru a "bad skin day", you can take steps to make it better. It always gets better. In any situation (skin and life)⭐️ Tag a friend you'd cup with Disclaimer: test cup 1st

A post shared by Farah D (@farahdhukai) on Apr 20, 2017 at 7:44pm PDT

  There are plenty of at-home kits available in the market and online but if you are not familiar with how it is done exactly, we suggest getting your first treatment done from a professional. This vacuum technique has been used for years to treat acne, double chin, wrinkles and saggy skin. Keep reading to know all the benefits of using the cupping therapy for your face:

Boosts circulation A healthy skin depends on proper blood circulation. Also, this stimulates the cells that produce collagen, which firm the skin.

Rejuvenates skin

Better nutrition brought to the skin helps bring a young glow. Any beauty products used post-treatment are absorbed better and are more effective.

Reduces wrinkles

The suction motion reduces the visible fine lines, wrinkles, and scarring because of injuries or acne. The skin will also looks plumper. The connecting tissue under the skin is stimulated so that it heals and reduces smile and laugh lines.

Therapeutic Benefits

Facial cupping is helpful to patients suffering from a range of health related problems with the head and neck area without the need for more extensive treatments. They are: Sinus infections, headache, facial paralysis and earaches.

Procedure

A facial cupping session typically lasts for about 30 minutes. First of all you skin need to be cleaned properly and then you can apply any therapeutic oils such coconut, jojoba or any other essential oil according to your preference. First gently massage your face and then being the cupping. Keep the cups moving continuously don’t spend too long on one area and don’t apply too much pressure either. You want to gently use the vacuum motion all around the face.

Side effects?

The procedure has side effects, say experts. Firstly, the pressure for the vacuum should be controlled and monitored according to skin type, texture and condition. If used with too much pressure for too long, it can cause bruising, tenderness and swelling. Frequent use can also cause skin laxity by damaging the underlying elastic fibres and collagen.

Other than your face if you have cellulite on your legs, thighs, hips area cupping therapy can help reduce them: Cellulite, which is basically fat deposits just beneath the skin along with a lot of collagen. It can be effectively broken down with vacuum pressure. Many people use this treatment for cellulite reduction and to make your skin firm.

( Also read: How To Get Rid Of Cellulite To Be Summer Ready )

The post Cupping Therapy For Your Face – Vacuum To Get Glowing Skin appeared first on Posherry.

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