#also on main because i thought it was fun so maybe other people may find it fun to do idk idk

[toffeebrew]

I decided to do a three-minute challenge: use a wheel, pick a sans, look up their design, look at it for a few seconds, and try to draw them in that time. Here's how it went!

Round 1

Round 2

It actually wasn't so bad; I may do it where I have to look at the design for a few seconds and cannot look back at it again till I'm done. dunno. It was fun! (edit: oh also not all of the designs are canon compliant. For example, i gave outer sans star freckles and a swirly skull cause i thought it fit lol)

(edit 2: oh my god i forgot the credits! whoops!!

(demi sans by crudaka, nightmare & dream by @jokublog, outer by 2mi27, geno by @loverofpiggies, dance by teandstars and sterrenschijnse, epic by @yugogeer012, horror by sourapplestudios, mafia by nyublackneko, reaper by renrink, omega by tratserenoyreve)

Here's the wheel I used:

[tadc-ragatha]

Being Their Friend

TW: Breakdowns/crises (mentioned), knives, swearing, centipedes, bullying, general mental health stuff, Zooble's limbs being (painlessly) moved/stored/body horror

Type: Headcanons

A/N: Hi. These are just for fun; don't get up in arms if they aren't perfect (they can't be anyway, considering how far into the show we are). Requests aren't open (EDIT: they are open now). Spoilers obviously. Includes only the main six because I honestly don't know enough about Caine yet.

Pomni

Being her friend entails a multitude of existential crises. Everyone's trying to find their own way to cope, but expect to be helping her through many a panic attack. She's a hot mess most of the time, and doesn't really know what to do.

As seen in the trailer, she still gets scared of getting hurt, much unlike people like Ragatha who know they can't be harmed by knives or whatever else Caine throws at them. It'd be your job to help calm her down during these situations and help her adjust to not being hurt.

Other than that, I imagine once Pomni gets (semi) used to living in the digital circus you'd spend a lot of time looking for the exit. She definitely wants to get out of there before she becomes abstracted--something she knows is possible with her mental state. She also just wants to get her and everyone else out of there. Even that jackass Jax.

Pomni would take a lot of comfort in the things that connect her to the real world like food. If she offers you some food, you know you're really friends with her. If she had access to drawing/painting equipment or whatnot, I reckon she'd try to draw herself in her real form (if she could remember). She's like to see what you look like, and would compliment you on your appearance.

Ragatha

Ragatha's been in the digital circus for a while, and is much more comfortable with it than some of her other friends (or so she likes to pretend). She's fine with getting hit with knives as seen in her introduction short and likely wouldn't be scared of dying by anything else. As she said, her only fear is centipedes.

Still, it'll be your job to get them out of her room for her. Everyone knows what an arsehole Jax can be, and she sure as hell isn't risking walking into her room to find tens of thousands of them. If you don't do it, she's staying in your room for an indefinite amount of time.

Actually, I think Ragatha would like to have sleepovers anyway. It'd keep her impending thoughts at bay. Even if she doesn't require sleep, it's fun and reminds her of home. Like I said in Pomni's section, I think she'd enjoy drawing or painting. Or any creative visual art really, but especially drawing and painting for the purpose of making pictures of what you look like outside of the digital world.

Though be warned, the sight of her may send her off on a spiral of homesickness. Since Ragatha serves as a kind of rock of stability (as best as her overly optimistic self can), seeing her collapse may cause the others to collapse, too. Except maybe Jax, but it'll be up to you to try and get everyone back together before abstraction happens.

Jax

First of all, I don't know if this is possible. Not only are we so little into the show to really know, but Gooseworx also said he's going to have some really bad scenes. So, I suppose you won the lottery in doing this...Maybe. It really depends on how you look at it.

Because first of all, he's still a massive dick. He's just rude to everyone, so expect nothing different. He'll still be a jerk to you, "prank" you, or really, just straight up bully you. Honestly, half the time you can't even tell this guy is supposed to like you. He doesn't even really say sorry unless it's sarcastic.

The only way you can tell he likes you as a friend is when he gets all up in arms about you being annoyed at him. At first, at least, he's confused as to why you can't just let it go. Over time, though, he gets more in tune with his emotions and starts to mellow out a little.

However, it does come with the perk of having someone who will beat the ever-loving life out of whoever hurt you. Okay, well, not that far--he's got to keep his reputation as someone who doesn't care about other people, so he'll at most just be a bit of a bigger pain in their side. But it's still there.

Things you'd do together include terrorising the other members (or, he tries to get you in on it, anyway), sneaking into people's rooms to snoop around, and all-in-all just being a bit of a pain. But you also do other things; he seems like he's not one for visual arts or theatre, but maybe he could play an instrument and may--very heavy on the "may"--teach you some stuff. Otherwise, I don't think he's an arts guy. He'd enjoy video games, though, if they had those! And going to the digital carnival for thrills along with just exploring the grounds.

Kinger

Kinger would be an interesting friend. I have two routes for this guy based on a theory I saw. Route one follows him actually being on the brink of insanity/abstraction. In this route, you have to make sure he's alright. Just be gentle with him and check up on him every now and then. But don't be in his face all the time. Everyone needs a bit of personal space.

You can still hang out with Kinger, obviously. You can still talk about things you'd normally talk about, whatever that may be. Just don't bring up the abstracted queen (who I shall be calling Queener). It'll bring up some...Bad memories.

Anyways, my second route is this: based on a theory, Kinger is actually one of the more stable ones in the group, and is just pretending to be on the brink of losing it. Basically, if I remember right, he's pretending in order to get out of the activities/shenanigans of the group.

But no matter what his reason for doing it is, he's smart as hell. Having tricked everyone, it'd take a keen eye to figure it out. If you do, he'd be impressed. Once he trusts you enough, the two of you will discuss the other circus members and how to outsmart them secretly. You'll also just hang out, gossip...He feels like a guy who'd be into drama, with his whole being the actual king thing. You two would do some impromptu skits and whatnot to pass the time.

Gangle

Oh, Gangle. What would you do with Gangle? Well, you'd certainly have to be gentle with her. She's a very fragile soul--and also fragile physically--and needs some care. Help her repair her mask, or better yet, stop Jax from breaking it in the first place. In fact, just stop him from doing any mean stuff to her in the first place.

Other than that, Gangle is someone who'd actually enjoy drawing as a hobby and not just a memories thing. She draws anime, and would make you and her anime personas with cool abilities and features like wings and shit. I imagine her art style is very early-mid 2000s anime, with the really big eyes and whatnot.

Anyways, I reckon she'd also write. Mostly fanfiction when she wasn't stuck in the digital world, but since there's no fandoms to write about now she'd start branching out into her own original stories. But don't get me wrong; if anyone was going to write about their friends and fellow members it'd be her. She just hides it somewhere other than her room. Gangle would like to write stories about your sonas going on adventures and saving the world.

Eventually, these stories probably get found by Jax or someone else (but probably Jax). He'd laugh his arse off at them and would run to tell everyone about it. Unless you can absolutely beat the shit out of him, prepare to do some explaining and also comforting for her.

Zooble

Zooble does not give much of a shit about the others. They wouldn't let them die (at least I think so), but they're in no way buddy-buddy with them. In order to be friends with them, you'd have to meet their strict criteria. So, good job on that!

Being friends with them would either involve lots of gossip because they want to talk shit about people and complain, or it'd have no gossip because they honestly couldn't care less about the others. I can't tell. But if you do gossip, I imagine they know a lot about the other members. You'd be filled in on everything they know, too. They've been dying for someone to tell this too.

Zooble's also very particular about their looks, as seen in their introductory short. They have many stored limbs and whatnot to swap around for their mood. Don't mess with their body by switching around their antennae-like things or ripping off their body parts like Jax. They will retaliate.

Going off of this, though, I imagine they're pretty strong. I mean, they choked Jax like that. So, if anyone (him) comes around to piss you off, you best bet they'll be on their way to beat his arse. Though, it probably ends in a tug-of-war with one of their arms.

[boba-beom]

ೃ⁀➷ airport crush pt 2 | CHOI YEONJUN NSFW

pairing: brother's best friend!yeonjun x fem!reader

genre: smut, fluff, kinda angsty

wc: 3.4k

warning: angstier than I thought oops, smut with plot, arguing, yeonjun pining for reader, jealousy, possessive yj at some point, but also lowkey sub!yeonjun ngl, reader confesses about the past but yj does for the present, heavy petting, oral (fem!receiving), fingering, just the tip tease, piv but yj doesn't cum— mile high club ;) , toilet sex again, pet names (baby, good girl, good boy), praises (both), yj calls reader mommy ONCE, light marking, let me know if I've missed anything!

summary: after spending some time with your airport crush, yeonjun's pissed you were spending your time 'efficiently' with someone who isn't him. but you agreed to do anything so he wouldn't snitch to your brother about the marks on your neck.

a/n: the long-awaited next part is here, there is one more main part after this. I hope you enjoy this part just as much as yeonjun did hehe what better way to save this than for @majestyjun's 24 days with yeonjun for our jjunie's birthday! ♥

airport crush part 1 (beomgyu)

boarding the plane was no problem, beomgyu had made you laugh in the queue–maybe even flirted–despite the slight delay, but it didn't go unnoticed by the people around you. you heard yeonjun subtly bickering with your brother, but soobin wasn't having any of it—he was too jet-lagged to even give two shits at this point. you knew this was going to be a long flight ahead of you and yet all you could think about was beomgyu and his fingers, and how bad you want him to—

you heard a ping and looked down at your phone to see beomgyu had airdropped you a note as your way of messaging each other before the plane had set off. he sent you a few memes and your scoffs would turn into chuckles until you both decided to rest and talk when you reach the airport.

it was a given that yeonjun isn't keen on whatever is going on between you and your newfound fuck buddy. yeonjun may be two years older than you, but there's something about him that you weren't aware of.

"yn? are you even listening to me?" yeonjun fakes a heartache with his palm flat on his chest while you give him a deadpan glare. "and what's happened to your 'stranger danger' policy?"

"yeonjun, I can't lie, I've developed this talent to block you out. now you're like white noise to me." you force a smile until it immediately dropped. "also, YJ, I'm not a kid anymore. I'm literally in my early twenties, chill out."

he scoffs, an annoyed smile crawling on his lips. "and I'm literally just looking out for you, how do you not see that?"

"I don't need you to look after me, m'kay? I have soobin for that. even still, just let me make my own choices." turning your body slightly, facing the window.

you couldn't care less with what he had to say. you were just pissed that it was him, and not beomgyu, sitting next to you. beomgyu was sitting a few rows down from you on the opposite site of the plane, you could just about spot the plum tinge of his hair. soobin, on the other hand, was sitting between random people in the middle section of the plane, a couple of rows in front of you and yeonjun. you weren't in their line of sight, and vice versa.

that's going to be a problem.

"you know what annoys me actually? the fact that you're so smug about this whole thing. you meet a stranger and now you feel like you've met the love of your life." you roll your eyes and take a deep breath before exhaling your frustration.

"oh boo you, is it because I managed to find someone to hook up and have fun with before this holiday even started?" you retort, refusing to look at him, bearing in mind that there are a few people sleeping around you.

"oh for fucks sake, yn, grow up." you hear him exhale.

you scoff. "me? no, yeonjun. you, grow the fuck up. I'm sick and tired of whatever problem it is you have with me."

raking his hands through his hair, he looks up before placing a hand on your knee, “listen here, little miss princess, stop being a fucking brat, you’re so annoying like that.” but what you don’t know is that it's slightly turning him on, knowing how hot-headed you can be, he secretly loves how argumentative you two are and he sort of thrives off of that. he had no intention for it to take a turn like this though.

you stare at him, eyes steady, narrowing and not wavering even a little bit. “and you’re starting to piss me off, choi.” you unbuckle the seatbelt over your hips, your hand pushing off his from your thigh before passing his legs to scoot yourself to the aisle, catching soobin's sleeping form and making your way to the toilet at the end of the plane.

from beomgyu’s peripheral vision, he turns his body to look back, watching you make your way to the toilet and noting the dull look on your face. his eyes trailed behind you to find yeonjun who looked like he was chasing after you. he sits back comfortably, sighing and rolling his eyes from the thought of what yeonjun must have done to piss you off this time.

yeonjun knocks on the door and calls your name softly a couple of times, “let me in. come on, talk to me.”

you sigh, not wanting people to continue watching him knocking on the door, and for all they know you two look like you’re in some sort of lovers quarrel. he quickly enters as soon as you open the door, and you scoot aside as an attempt to make space for his six foot figure.

“and you couldn’t just leave me alone? how embarrassing.” you huff, crossing your arms against your chest, but due to the close proximity, you can feel his breath fanning by your neck.

“you want to talk about embarrassing? how about hooking up with a stranger at the airport? hmm?” he retorts, slightly raising his voice at you.

you cover his mouth to remind him to keep his voice down.

“what the fuck is this obsession about me hooking up with beomgyu. just say you’re jealous and go, oh my god, yeonjun." you aggressively whisper.

your chest heaves from the anger gradually coming out, and if you weren't in a plane right this moment then yeonjun would definitely get a taste of your wrath. it was silent for a moment with the both of you holding this intense eye contact with a hint of something unspoken. yeonjun breaks away first, turning around as much as he can with his hand back to running through his teal strands.

"I am." is all he mutters.

"you are what?" you exasperatedly rub at your temples with your eyes shut in the hopes that he'd just be straight with you.

"I am jealous." he starts. "god, all this time I tried to avoid the littlest thoughts about you, and now that you've grown up to be such a confident, intelligent and beautiful woman it's kind of hard not to be around you."

your head shoots up, almost breaking your neck at his confession. a million things were going on in your head but not a single thought was stable enough to comprehend that your crush throughout your childhood and teenage years had liked you all this time.

it took you so long to get over him, and after being completely over him for two long years, he's thrown away all your efforts.

"I... hate you." your voice breaks, tears threatening to run down your cheek, tired of his stupid games.

the warmth of his body starts radiating even more, feeling him lean closer than you already were. your eye contact lasts for less than a second until he crashes his lips on yours with his hands desperately fumbling with your arms and throwing it over his shoulders before finding purchase on your waist.

the kiss was messy. nothing but teeth clashing and heavy breaths until yeonjun swiftly swaps places with you and hits your back against the door, hard enough for it to just rattle gently.

"you don't hate me." yeonjun whispers before diving in to capture your lips again.

the pace of the kiss was starting to pick up; his hands gradually lifting your shirt until his hands were massaging and roaming over the mounds of your breasts through your bra, whining from the contact, and your fingers tangling themselves in his dishevelled hair.

you let out soft whimpers as soon as his plush lips peppers along the column of your neck, a heated trail over the hickeys that beomgyu had left before.

"I hate you so much," you whine.

"you look so hot marked up, too bad this area's been marked by someone else." he growls in your ear, while his hands busy themselves by tugging down your sweatpants.

the material of your sweatpants fell just above your knees and that was enough for yeonjun to slide his fingers into your panties, roughly circling your clit with his middle finger, making your core twitch with every circle he drew.

"oh fuck, jjun—" a moan got stuck in your throat while yeonjun went back to attacking your lips with soft nibbles on your bottom lip.

his lips descended down your body, from your neck, littering kisses over your breasts, down your navel and straight to your plush thighs. his finger stopped working on you and instead, grabbing ahold of one of your thighs to prop over his shoulder so he could kiss and suck on your inner thighs.

"you should be marked more often, only where I can see them." after leaving a mark on your skin, he sensually flicks his tongue on the surface, giving you a preview on what his tongue could be used for.

"shut up and eat me out already." you lace your fingers in his hair, tugging on them to inflict minor pain.

yeonjun's dick throbbed from the way you explicitly said that aloud, never thinking he'd hear you say that.

his hands steadied your hips, holding on tightly and kitten licking at your clit. the wet muscle twirling around your bundle of nerves had you holding in your moans, letting out airy grunts as an attempt.

"so sweet." yeonjun draws back before diving his face straight into your core, sticking his tongue out and lapping up at your entrance. you could feel the vibrations from his moans as soon as he sticks his tongue into your slick cunny. it was difficult to not get so wet when yeonjun's lips felt like heaven on yours, and you felt like your soul was ascending when they were all over your body.

"YJ— fuck, did you know I— mmh, liked you back then?" you struggle getting your sentence out when yeonjun's basically tongue fucking your pussy.

he ignores your question and groans against your core, his tongue reaching as far as it can inside you, but every time his nose bumped your clit you'd curl in a little. annoyed, you tug his hair back so he's looking up at you, the dim light in the toilet reflecting the sheen layer of spit and your arousal on his lips and dripping down his chin.

"I asked you a question."

he grabs your wrist, shaking off your hold on his roots and brought the back of your fingers to his lips. "I knew." and then he inserted your index and middle fingers past his lips, feeling his tongue dancing between and around your digits.

you could moan at the sight, knowing that he probably knows those are the two fingers you used to fuck yourself to the thought of him.

"then why didn't you say anything? do you know how hard I wanted you to notice me?" you almost whine.

"oh trust me, I always noticed you." he guides your fingers at your dripping entrance. "I didn't want to make a move because you're my best friend's little sister. Soobin would fucking kill me if I thought about you like that, hell, he'd kill me if he finds out I'm eating you out several rows away from him."

you wince at his choice of words, but more so when he flat tongues your clit while controlling your fingers pumping in and out of you. but it wasn't enough.

"jjun, I need more." you quietly cry behind the palm of your hand, trying to keep your cries at bay.

he sucks at your bead until a quick yelp slipped past your lips, grabbing him by the collar of his quarter-zip and pulling him up to kiss you. the taste of your arousal lingered on your tongue as he plays around with yours.

this was something you had wet dreams about. something that you desperately wanted every time you saw him come over. the things you would think about when he'd bring his then-girlfriends around when he was hanging out with soobin.

"please, I want to feel a little more." you hate to beg, but you were thinking, you're already in this situation, why not go the extra mile?

"of course, baby. anything for you." he switches up so easily now that he's confessed to you, wondering that all this time he could have been bearable if he had just told you, even if you were to keep it between yourselves, he would have been so much easier to deal with.

yeonjun spreads his wet kisses along your jaw and behind your ear, imitating your quiet moans as you continue to unzip his loose jeans, pulling them down just below his balls.

as he strokes his length, you lean your head against his shoulder, looking down and observing how pretty his dick is; the pink tip that's a similar tone to his lips with a clear bead of pre-cum dribbling out slowly. not to mention his girth was perfect to the point you could feel yourself aching to have him inside you.

"should I just put the tip in?" yeonjun mumbles by your temples.

he aligns the head of his cock at your entrance, feeling the faint stretch as it dips inside. you sigh, wanting more but he purposely slides it against your folds an swiping over your clit. the motion had you exhaling your breath that you had been subconsciously holding in ever since he was stroking himself.

"yeonjun, please. I want you inside of me." you beg so prettily that yeonjun could feel his dick twitch in his hand, his eyes tightly shut briefly.

"want you to feel good." his sentences have now reduced to wanting to please you, he didn't care about himself, though you're about to wet his dick, he was still doing whatever you wanted.

you hold onto his shoulders, one leg wrapped around his hip as he pushes in, feeling the delicious stretch against your walls. "gonna. fuck. you. so. good." he grunts in between shallow thrusts.

his hands are glued to your hips and under your thigh, holding you in place for him to fuck in this small compartment. but that doesn't stop him from eagerly reaching as deep as he can inside you. his thrusts get deeper after every other kiss you leave on his neck and collar bone, loving the way your lips makes his skin tingle.

the speed of yeonjun's thrusts get faster, and the hold your pussy has on his cock gets tighter. he has his eyes trained on your face, watching your brows knit and your mouth parting.

"mmhh yeah, that's it baby, right there." you moan by his ear and his pace picks up gradually. he loves the way you want more of his dick, not beomgyu's, but his.

the corners of his lips quirked up at the thought of you forgetting about beomgyu and wanting him at that moment. yeonjun wanted to take this chance to show you he could fuck you better than whatever beomgyu did.

"like that?" he whispers, pulling up your shirt and bra so your boobs were on full display.

he gawked at the sight of your bare chest in front of him, his hips not faltering a single bit; still aiming to make you cum on his dick. it took him no second thoughts to latch his mouth onto one of your nipples, sucking and releasing with 'pop' sounds and repeating as he hears more of your mixture of moans and whimpers.

you loved the sensation of yeonjun's tongue and pillowy lips on your boobs, but his dick was starting to drill into you, feeling your mind going hazy with every stroke against your gummy walls.

"I'm close." you whimper above him, his lips still suckling at your aroused nipple and the other massaging it in the palm of his hand.

"wan' you to cum around me mommy." his words were muffled from his occupied mouth, but the slight rasp in the way he said it was ticking your orgasm closer by the millisecond.

yeonjun lets go of your boob and starts playing with your clit again, his thrusts doesn't falter even when you clench around him like a vice, your walls convulsing around him. your moans were becoming dangerously loud, and if it wasn't for yeonjun swallowing your moans by helplessly kissing you, then you were sure you would have a flight attendant knocking at the door.

your thighs start shaking under his hold as you leak down your legs but yeonjun pulls out, his cock still standing strong as reaches for the tissues to clean up your mess.

"feel better?" he wipes down the remaining droplets by your knees, before throwing the tissue away and tucking his hard dick into his baggy jeans.

you cock your head to the side, "you didn't cum?"

"it's okay, just wanted to make you feel good, remember? you were about to transform into a dragon out there with all your huffing and puffing. and even though I got my dick wet, at least it was by you." you slap his shoulder light-heartedly, scoffing at his comment before you both bursted into a shared laugh.

"you were irritating me that's why." you reply. "and you really are just that obsessed with me huh? that why your temper went down too?"

you watch him check up on himself through the mirror, relaying a slow nod to you. noting the faint couple of hickeys you left just under his collar, it's as if he knew what you were thinking and he zipped up his quarter-zip a little higher than before. he seemed more peaceful now, and you found it cute that the tip of his ears were blushing pink.

"I am obsessed with you. literally can't stop thinking about you." his hand reaches for your waist and brings you closer until your chests collide.

"okay, lover boy. take it easy on the simp talk." he scoffs, but the smile he has on his face seems like he's satisfied even when you haven't said how you currently feel towards him.

"can I have another kiss? literally miss your lips already." he kisses your shoulder slowly, maybe leaving two or three. something about that gesture made your heart drop.

you were selfish. you just met beomgyu who you have a good feeling about. but that isn't enough for you apparently. you have yeonjun wrapped around your finger and the fact that he's obsessed with you just as much as you were for him just feeds that emptiness you'd been feeling for so long.

"yn? you know you can say no." you snapped out of your thoughts and didn't realise there was a gap, as much as there can be, between you and yeonjun.

"kiss me." your hands are splayed flat on his chest, caressing the area with your thumb as he cups your cheek with one hand and pulls you in by the hip with the other.

your lips have only kissed three people in your lifetime. your first kiss in freshman year college, beomgyu and now yeonjun. but you seem just as in need of his lips as he is with yours. they were perfect and pouty. soft but also dangerously addictive. and the way he lets you lightly trap his bottom lip between your teeth just makes you want him even more.

you both pull away, a short string of saliva fallen from your lips which has yeonjun's eyes filled with lust for you.

"I- I think we should head out. we're lucky it isn't a full plane." you stutter from the gaze he had on you just a second before.

"it's fine. we'll never see these people again." yeonjun chuckles at you for your attempt at discretion. "and I don't think they cared enough to stop us."

you shrugg at his response, adjusting your shirt even though it still wasn't going to miraculously cover the hickeys beomgyu left.

as soon as you open the door, you step out first and yeonjun stepping out after with him faking a cover up conversation for the people you would walk past to hear, "are you feeling better now?"

you find your row and take your seat, nudging him, "oh shut up." and he laughs at your response.

you genuinely did feel better after the released tension, but now you just don't know how you're going about this sticky situation you were in. you see beomgyu slowly turn his head and you keep an eye on his purple hair until he looks at you, shooting you a smile.

and you still felt your heart skip a beat for him.

taglist: @ahnneyong @prodsh00ky @wccycc @lizdevorak @fairybin @laylasbunbunny @acaiasahi @ttyunz @cha0thicpisces @fairybinie @vatterie @hyuntaena @ja4hyvn @yunkiwii @aprilisque @bb-eilish @ericyjun @luvsoobs @yeonyeonyeonjun @junniieesbby @kyrkitten @day6andetcetera @dainsleif-when-playable @txt-yaomi @soobinsman @hallaween23 @run2min @clayballss @kijasite @nikimeows @tara324253 @robin-obsessed (because I thought you'd like to read ^^) send an ask, reference here

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[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

I have always admired people who have their one thing. People who care deeply about one highly specific cause, people who have deep knowledge about their one niche interest, people who are really into one particular movie… 

I just think it’s neat! It’s really interesting to hear people talk about their one thing. There’s also so much comfort in the fact that people can find so much happiness and meaning and purpose in something seemingly random! 

Last but not least, it’s also often the people with their one thing who (pardon my language) get shit done. Someone who puts their whole heart into doing their one small thing passionately likely does much more good for the world than someone who tries to constantly give their attention to every single problem everywhere all the time simultaneously. The first one can keep their energy and love for the cause high, the latter probably just ends up burning themselves out. 

… and yet, with all this genuine admiration for people like that: I often judge myself for being a person like that. 

If you wonder what my one thing is, well, you’re looking at it! It’s writing about mental health and wellbeing in the lgbt+ community. I write this blog. I write books with main characters who are lgbt+ and mentally ill or neurodivergent. I do a lot of research on that topic to base my writing on ,and also just for fun. Even with the music or movies or books I enjoy, I seek out that topic or at least I’ll analyze it with that lens… So, according to my very own thoughts I stated above, I should feel like the coolest guy ever! 

But I don’t. I feel embarrassed when people ask about my interests or hobbies. I feel guilty for it not being something you can „turn into a career“. I feel like I’m boring for writing 3 books about the same topic. I feel like I’m stupid for not having multiple passions. I feel like I need to prove my masculinity by having more „male interests“... long story short, I’m being a big old bully to myself about it. 

You may be a „my one thing“ person as well or maybe you’re someone with many different interests, or maybe you are someone who has one thing but the thing changes every few weeks. No matter where you stand, we probably have this in common: we can be really mean towards ourselves over things we wouldn’t judge others for. This may be so common because it’s pretty easy to have a distorted perception of ourselves (after all, we notice every single little thing we think or do or say, while in others we see the bigger picture) or because so many grow up internalizing negative messages about ourselves(but not about others). 

We set impossibly high standards for ourselves that we would never impose on our loved ones - but we should also be our own loved one. After all, you’ll be the person you spend the most time with during your life. Much better for your closest companion to be a friend than a foe. 

So, in this spirit, I’ll try to lead by example: I have my one thing, and that’s super cool of me!! What’s cool about you? 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[kishiar-la-orr]

personally speaking, there are 3 parts of kishiar la orr's character that makes me find him really fascinating.

first is how he is technically a troupe but a subversion of a troupe at the same time? male leads in romances, whether its het romance or a BL romance, are usually like. cold northern duke who is super strong, super smart and opens up to the main character very slowly because of the main character's kindness, blunt and at times rude. instead, we have kishiar — who is also a northern duke and super strong and super smart, but i'd argue between kishiar and yuder, the one who made the first move to further advance their connection is kishiar? as in, he extends his thoughts and feelings genuinely, expresses wanting to be close to yuder, which are all an olive branch yuder can accept, a sign of trust and (to a degree) vulnerability and real intent to form a connection.

yes, part of him plays into the common male lead troupes, but other parts of him honestly reads more like a female lead? he's the one more emotionally in touch, he's the socially savvy one, he's sunny and smiley. which is just fun, in my opinion, when compared to other BLs i've personally found over the years.

the second thing is my unending fascination with kishiar's complicated tango with mortality. being sickly from childhood, there must've been a sense of impending doom — especially when it's practically public secret among nobles that imperial family members usually die young because of vessel issues. kishiar was on super fast track to the same recorded fates those other people had. but then, in the prev. game, he survived! became healthy! only to not long after take two steps backwards as his health arguably got worse. sometimes i think being killed by yudrein in the 1st tl could be considered a mercy to 1st tl kishiar.

and in the 2nd tl, he went from sick to healthy — and that is it. i think with the blooming romance with yuder, it emphasizes the core characteristic of kishiar that is: he does everything for the people he loves, their future and happiness whether it's with or without him in the picture. ideally, of course it's with him. and in the 2nd tl, he's finally granted this. you can really tell when you see the prev. game flashbacks and go back to the present timeline that kishiar is just much more alive and not just in the physical sense — there is a drive and a sense of liveliness that wasn't there in all of their past life sections, in my opinion.

i just really get fascinated with character struggles with mortality, man. i think kishiar especially has a lot to offer in this department, there are so many things from canon that you can deconstruct or things not yet answered that you can headcanon — everything to play around and explore further about his character and its deep ties to death. even down to the way that he talks, to me, is due to his isolation because of the very vessel bursting issue that also foresaw his impending doom. like, he talks like a person who's alone a lot while growing up? the eloquence and all. it is so fun. naturally, this also includes his expertise with emotional processing and expression — i also think this can also be tied down to his intricate dance with mortality.

finally, the last layer is that kishiar, by all accounts, should be a gary stu — a male version of a mary sue character — and should maybe be boring to read about. he can do practically everything from magic, swordsmanship and aura, divine power to awakener ability. he is sociable and politically wise, able to play the 5D chess of nobles and high society and extract information from enemies and allies alike easily with his multi-layered words. he is smart, he is emotionally intelligent, he has a lot of strong allies, he is kind. but... he isn't boring to read about? not at all. his struggles may have passed, but they are struggles anyway. they contribute to the way i perceive him as a character and only cause me to be even more fascinated by him. and this very 'perfection' kuyu sets him up with — especially the being super strong and able to wield all the powers in their world like a goddamn avatar — is set up to be a major flaw: the very reason his vessel couldn't hold it for the majority of his life and in the 1st tl. everything just colors a very interesting picture of a character that i ended up beyond obsessed with.

[bogkeep]

some time ago i watched This Video about ergodic literature and got inspired to get the book S. by jj abrams & doug dorst. i've finally started reading it and i have Thoughts

the video i linked shows and explains the premise of the book, but here's the tl;dr - two students(ish) are writing annotations in the margins of a novel called 'ship of theseus' by mysterious author V M Straka while passing it back and forth. they are getting to know each other as well as trying to solve the mystery of Straka. it's a non-linear epistolary story told through a footnotes, scribbled comments, and inserts such as postcards et cetera.

there's a couple reason this book caught my eye in particular:

- i love "two people getting to know each other through letters/accidental text messages/notes" trope. it may just be the internet denizen in me but i'm a sucker for characters who get to know each other through text.

- immediately intruiged by the mystery author's name, Straka - it means magpie in czech, so i feel like i'm getting a head start on the mystery because i'm the specialest little boy in the world!!!!

- it looks cool as hell

(i purchased a used copy that was apparently a library copy so it feels extra Authentic hehe)

ANYWAY i'm still very early in, but i have many impressions to chew on already. first off, i really love the whole premise/medium, and it looks Really Good. there's a lot of really cool details that make it look authentic (if we ignore the COMICALLY LARGE MARGINS) - the book absolutely looks like something i could find in my grandparents' bookshelf. the comments being written in different colours of pen to signal when in the chronology they were written is very good. everything is pointing to a Very Fun and Immersive reading experience.

howeverrrrrrrrrr

while i Am having fun so far, there's also a lot of details that keep shaking my suspension of disbelief. like i am trying my best to hold on to it - im accepting the Comically Large Margins and the silly premise that these two people absolutely had to pass the book back and forth to communicate. like i am fully on board with that. it's just... i feel like this book is trying to Appear more clever than it actually is?

i think maybe the main problem for Me Specifically is that it's pretending to be a book written by a Probably European author and translated to english, but S. was so obviously written/created by americans and not intended to be read by someone who knows any of the languages they're dragging into this.

i was correct in assuming Straka is meant to be czech, as ship of theseus was originally written in czech - but it's weird to me that the narrative is completely uninterested in like... the original? there is a foreword by the translator, who goes on and on about the mysterious circumstances under which v m straka died, but the fact that the original language is czech is mentioned in a *footnote*. i would think a foreword by a translator would, realistically, say more about their credentials or their actual process of translating. or is that weird??? i took a class in classical literature in uni where that's kind of a big deal so maybe i'm biased???

BUT ALSO the fact that straka's identity is So very mysterious and very possibly a pseudonym... if you're like, genuinely trying to untangle this mystery, wouldn't you make a note about the meaning of the name??? like wouldn't you put a picture of a magpie on your conspiracy board about it?? Straka is absolutely a valid czech surname because most czech surnames are seemingly random nouns or adjectives, but if you think it's a pseudonym then someone made a very deliberate choice!!!! HELLO!!!!!!

then they listed the names of people who are thought to possibly be v m straka (of varying nationalities), and like okay maybe i'm nitpicking but i has to take a pen and fix some of them. they used SOME special letters for some of the names but very sporadically - they wrote vaclav instead of václav, and ekstrom instead of ekström... like at least be consistent if you're going to ignore special letters!

the worst language offender by far is this:

if you want "the monkey dances" it's "opice tancuje". you could also do "opičí tanec" for "the monkey's dance". this particular abomination is causing me physical pain.

one of the first inserts i ran into was a letter written in swedish + a direct translation:

GUESS WHAT I CAN READ SWEDISH TOO... i can't tell if the "original" letter is supposed to be the swedish or the english one - while the swedish seems to be grammatically correct (I THINK), it extremely reads as Something Written In English And Getting As Directly Translated To Swedish As Possible. it reads very stilted and oddly phrased. i get the impression i'm not actually supposed to be able to understand it, it's just here for Flavour, and that's fine! this one i can easily justify as the swedish being the in universe translation.

here's another very small thing that made me sigh very deeply

"at what point does this book stop being straka's alone & become *theirs*?" THE BOOK IS CALLED SHIP OF THESEUS. AREN'T YOU GUYS DOING LITERARY ANALYSIS OVER HERE??? IT'S THE FIRST CHAPTER AND YOU'RE JUST SPELLING OUT THE PREMISE TO ME TO THE POINT OF CONDESCENSION.

like. okay. maybe not everyone knows what the ship of theseus refers to (also i want to point out it feels like a very english language phrase to me. it Does exist in czech but it doesn't sound like a good or catchy title i think) - but i really do feel like two university students doing a deep dive into this book + author would 100% analyse the meaning of the title, that's like 101 level stuff!! this comment would be so easy to save - just have Mr Black Pen add a quippy comment about this being a bit on the nose, or pointing out the aptness or irony of the title, Anything. it would add so much to the believability for me.

like i didn't study literature at a higher education level so maybe i'm completely off base, but i DID study art history, and it seems almost absurd to me that these characters are doing so much digging and mystery solving about the author's mysterious past and rereading all of his books to find out more... and not engage with the basicest basics such as, the original text(s) pre-translation, possible cultural contexts, tHE TITLE... why are they drawing connections from choices made BY THE TRANSLATOR that absolutely would not be there in the original czech!! !!???!!!????!!

anyway my biggest actual problem so far is that i'm really struggling to read the actual ship of theseus. i have fun reading the annotations, but the actual book... i am Struggling. i've never been any good at reading ~*The Classics*~ so it might just not be my vibe, but i'm not sure if TOS is even a Good Book? like in this universe it's Allegedly a classic and very iconic or whatever. and obviously it's a challenge to write A Classic that makes its mark on history. and gods know there's discourse about whether or not The Classics are actually good books and that's way above my paygrade. but idk i couldn't get through chapter 1 without skimming through it because it kept boring me so bad.

i suspect i might just, keep reading the annotations storyline and not bother too much with the 'book' part of the book. i genuinely wanna see where the story goes!! despite my complaints i Am sold on the emotional core of it.

i think the premise rules so hard but i really feel like the authors are too monolingual and american and maybe haven't read that many books????? i can't speak on the latter but the former.............. maybe im the one who's too european

[dve]

my main thoughts about judith is like she's been in the military for most of her life. ive had two drinks so i might be misremembering but like she was like six??? or something to do with that when she joined the cohort. her dad is high up so she wasn't sent out at that age but it does suggest something about child soldiers outside of the fourth. also like the drainage part of her necromancy like how do you teach that to someone?? she's very interesting anyways

really good points anon!!!! i think that the houses' normalization of children being introduced to warring for the empire at such a young age is so interesting, especially given how fourth and second seem to function in tandem with each other even though typically fourth is more closely associated with fifth fandom-wide. in turn it's intriguing to see how people in the fandom respond to that association and the military structure of second, how judith functions within it, etc.,

the drainage part of her necromancy seems to be second house standard fare (although i think being a generalist is also fairly common if i recall correctly) and i wish we'd gotten to see at least a little bit of it in action through judith in gtn since it's used to empower the necromancer and not the cavalier, separate from any of the trails which i think are at the ultimate extreme of what necromancy means / does / the theorems of it all. for me it brings to mind the blood of eden memorandum at the end of htn before AYS when blood of eden points out that one should not engage with the enemy unless absolutely certain that there is not a necromancer present in the unit, and even then, maybe still don't, because if there's a necromancer among the enemy and that necro can essentially embolden and strengthen the non-necromantic parties, then it makes combat even more frightening than it already is.

as for judith being in the military all her life, yeah! yeah. yeah... i find some people's hostility towards judith as a character interesting when it makes sense to me that judith, who is still so young by the time she's been dubbed the captain in ntn and possessed by varun, is obviously clinging to the beliefs and ideals of the empire taught to her from childhood, seems to need that belief in the empire to survive in the conditions she ends up in. she serves as a fun narrative contrast to characters like corona or camilla, obviously, in that they've got doubts of their own, but judith's dogmatism in AYS especially is also a response (to me) to her own doubts, fears, and further goes to show how deeply-ingrained her beliefs are and how deeply-ingrained those beliefs may be in second house and the cohort altogether.

[grimmdeltarune]

Secret Boss For My Own Event - Mats!

This is Mats! Mats is the Secret Boss for Sans and Papyrus's House. This may at first be a bit confusing because of his design but I based him off of the disheveled version of the donation room that's found in the Switch release of Undertale. This is the place where you fight Mad Mew Mew, so I figured that I could base him off of her and make his soul mode the Switch Exclusive Soul Mode. My concept for my version of Sans and Papyrus's home as a Dark World is sort of like a Ren Faire. It'd be based off of Medieval Village with Papyrus or someone similar to him as the main boss, but it's also a bit of a parody of this sort of world, reflecting Sans's personality. You'd find Mats after going through a giant waterfall, which would be the Dark World equivalent of Sans's Sink. Behind the waterfall would be a secret area with an abandoned festival that'd be around the size of the beginning location of Chapter One. The one with the weird eyes and stuff. Anyway, there you'd find Mats!

Mats is a very inviting and warming character, although being a bit zany and wacky from not having contact with anyone in years. You see, he wasn't always such a small Darkner. In fact, he used to be a horrific beast that scared away anyone near them. . . That was until He showed up and allowed him to be his true self and gave him some. . .information about the world he lived in and about his future endeavors. He soon realized that he was only truly here to bring enjoyment to The Player, and decided to make a festival to bring joy to as many people as possible. Many Darkners came. . . And just as many left when, after getting a bit too rowdy, he returned to his beastly forme and terrorized the Darkners who went to the festival. After he returned to his senses, he felt terrible for what he had done. In truth, he found it freeing to bring joy to others. Losing that was terrible, such is the state he's in when you find him.

He's ecstatic to find that someone has finally come back to the Festival Grounds, and uses mini games and food and fun times to let The Fun Gang have the most fun that they possibly could at the Forgotten Festival. . .That is until they try to leave. . .And that's when Mats gets Mad. . . In a fit of desperation, they return to their beastly forme and, in a blind rage, attack The Fun Gang. You fight Mad Mats until you either kick their shins in or return them to their normal forme. . . He was weakened from the fight, and realizes that maybe he was too overzealous and that maybe saying goodbye to this Festival and bring joy to The Fun Gang by giving them strength. . .

So that's Mats! I'm gonna admit, I don't think his story was the best I've ever written, his motivations are a bit strange and I think I didn't really block out his story all to well, but I hope you like him! As for fun facts, Mats is Transmasc. I thought that was something I should mention I guess. His Light World item is a certificate that is found within the ruins of the Dog Room and his Mad forme is loosely based on the wacky inflatable tube Ice-E in that room. His tracks would be:

A Hidden Treasure. . ! (Waterfall Room Theme)

Forgotten Generosity. . . (Forgotten Festival Theme)

Matsuri! (Mats's Theme)

Fun and Games! (Minigame Music)

FORGOTTEN NO MORE (Mat's Battle Theme)

A Friend's Kindness. . . (After-Battle Music)

Items:

Cherished Headband (Sparing)

Gemstone Lantern (Fighting)

Anyway, hope you all enjoy him and I hope he doesn't immediately die in the tournament! Good luck to all!

[haeryna]

OH MY GOD BAEEEE

i literally love your satosugu fic so much IM SCREAMING LIKE UGHH ITS SO GOOD AJDJWJS

like im not over exaggerating it hurts so good like i swear you know how to hit us hard 😭

i love your writing style and the way that we can feel the characters emotions (or maybe thats just me being sensitive..? IM JOKING BAE) like i can imagine how hurt reader is by satosugu leaving her and how mad satosugu are at themselves for leaving her too LIKE UGHHHH

and readers thoughts are completely valid because satosugu left without explanation, basically deserting her and then suddenly they come back?? like i’d be so hurt and mad that they’re back BUT ALSOO when she got called princess? i feel like part of her just wanted to cave especially when she was being held like that but then the other part of her was fighting, reminding herself how badly she was hurt LIKE OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS I LOVE YOUR WRITING AAAA

and for satosugu their reason for leaving and not contacting was also completely valid !! i love that we get to see how much they miss reader and how upset they were that they left but also their reason for leaving? literally GUT WRENCHING. Yes they love reader as much as they love each other but they had to get out of there for their own safety and it just hurts so good 😭 AND THE WAY THAT THEY STILL LOVE HER TOO IT HURTS SO GOOD LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT WRITING IT MAKES ME SOB— okay but really the way that they never stopped loving her shows how much they truly loved her in the first place because even though reader thinks she means nothing to them she was the only person that they could ever love the way they love each other, oh my god and when they find out she never left and how she’s been alone for the past 5 years i can’t even imagine the guilt and hurt they felt. i can’t even when Suguru finds her letters like the pain he must’ve felt? The way he slowly saw through the letters as the girl they left behind changed, BUT THE WAY THAT THEY WILL NEVER LOVE HER ANY LESS. Also when Satoru notices how reader has changed physically like i just KNOW he wanted to burst into tears, seeing the people you love so frail and vulnerable is a pain that you can never forget so imagining how Satoru felt coming back after years only to find her looking like that must’ve been so painful for him. DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE PART WHERE HE SAYS HOW HE FORGOT WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO BE WITH HER LIKE OH MY GOD STOP IT RIGHT NOW. Like even though reader doesn’t even want to be in the same room as him he can’t help but feel alive because she’s just always had that affect on him like oh my god i literally want to bawl. Okay but also Suguru writing all of his songs for her 😭 I can’t help but wonder if he still has the guitar she thrifted for him? Also the part about Satoru’s makeup artist? “She’ll never do it like you” IM ACTUALLY SOBBING.

I love the way you write so much, it’s so real and has so much emotion. As a theater kid this entire fic is so good for character analysis like I LOVE analyzing characters and the way you write them just makes it even more fun ! I love the way that each character is actually complex and how their emotions feel real LIEK OH YMGNDODQJDHJWNS

(omg i didn’t realize how like jumbled up this all is im so sorry 😭)

I can’t wait for more to be revealed about their relationship! take your time writing the next chapter 💗

ANON PLEASE I WANT TO PUT YOU IN A LITTLE JAR WITH A BOW AND KEEP YOU SAFE YOU'RE SO SWEET AND KIND AND I LOVE YOU !! let's get married. rn. but PLEASE i was sitting here squealing and kicking my feet and looking at this ask every five minutes...i'm so glad you love it :') it makes me feel so happy that you feel like i've written them to a depth that you feel like you can analyze them!!

just for you bae, some little snippets that may or may not get woven into the main story: (suggestive but not explicit!!)

suguru keeps the old guitar you thrifted him. he actually bought a special case for it, so that even with all the damage, it'll still remain strong. there's a metaphor in that, he thinks, in the way that he'll only bring it out when he's writing a song that's meant for you. they're all meant for you, so he finds himself bringing it out constantly. he refuses to try the demos that the studio sends over, of metal and rock, because it feels cheap and artificial.

satoru keeps you and his lockscreen. it's a photo of you and suguru standing together, backs towards the camera. suguru is mid-laugh, and your eyes are shining. sukuna used to give him shit for it, until choso stepped in, recognizing the wistful love in satoru's eyes every time he'd see it.

the first time they were intimate together in their shitty apartment somewhere in seoul, suguru calls out your name. satoru says nothing of it. in turn, suguru pretends not to notice when satoru calls for you in his sleep.

kenji is dissatisfied. in a small town like yours, classmates have paired up left and right. you were meant for him, he believed. but now that satoru and suguru are back, and you're about to leave, he'd rather clip your wings than let them have you. if he can't have you, then he'd rather let you take the fall.

shoko is bemused, in a sad sort of way. she knows she can't interfere. that, and her girlfriend hates satoru with a burning passion, so she doesn't want to start any fires there.

(utahime will never forgive how satoru had made fun of her when she'd taken a particularly nasty fall during a dance practice. they weren't even in the same industry for god's sake. utahime does not care.)

you're exhausted. money is thin. you've given up on your dreams of a musical career. the notebooks of sheet music and lyrics lay aimlessly on your floor. you pretend like you realize the bleakness of your life. in reality, when you can't sleep, you find yourself scribbling words and melodies.

satoru and suguru tried, once. to replace you. to find someone else. they couldn't even seriously stomach the idea before they gave up and went back to pathetically looking at old photos of you. one of the first things they got when they made it big was a professional album done of all the photos they had of you.

(shoko laughed until she cried when she heard about it, before smacking satosugu and telling them to "go talk to her and do something about it, dumbasses.")

ALSO DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAMBLE!! i adored it and i hope to see you around nonnie, take care of yourself <33 i hope my other fics will be able to allow you to analyze the characters as well; the next chapter will be a doozy considering how badly i want to make it realistic but there's a lot of thought that goes into that hnghh. i hope you have a lovely day/night bby!!

[tangerinecherrygal]

Thoughts on Bridgerton S3 so far.

Under the cut for the sake of my poor moots and for spoilers. And first and foremost, I am a hater, so I will have some complaints but most are positive.

Positives:

Developing Cressida’s character. I’ve wanted this since I started watching with season 2. I love that she isn’t a cardboard cutout mean girl bc she gets shat on (deservedly sometimes) a lot by the main characters. Also I’m not sure which way they want to go with her character but I don’t think she needs any kind of redemption, maybe just a softening of her character.

Disabled visibility. It’s very clunky, but it is a step in the right direction.Period pieces tend to be worse than other types of shows and movies at erasing disabled people. It’s easy to forget that disabled people did exist and were apart of society. I can’t speak much to how they were treated, but this is bridgerton so it is very possible to portray them in ways that are realistic to the more modern experience of, say, being in a wheelchair.

Portia Featherington. Send tweet.

Benedict being a fun little guy.

Sibling dynamics of the bridgertons are really sweet to see and always make me smile.

Penelope serving cunt, intellect and agency.

Thr Mondrich family being on screen more. I’d love a side show on them like Queen Charlotte. Their relationship is so sweet and I am observing 👀 with upmost respect.

I do like Colin’s new look buuut… we will come back to this.

Francesca’s new actress is so talented. The shy girl rep that I need. She looks a lot like Phoebe and fits in perfectly.

The other stuff (and how i would change it)

Penelope’s makeover seemed rushed. I think her transformation should’ve been gradual as she gains confidence. Almost like Kate’s last season. She starts to reflect her confidence e gains throughout the season and i’m thinking that a fanfic may be brewing oh no.

Colin’s makeover is needed bc they had to downplay the actors beauty in earlier seasons. But I don’t see him as a devilishly handsome rake all of a sudden. Luke Newton has a kind and approachable (kind of baby) face and I think that they should play on that. A pretty kind of handsome instead of trying to immitate the more masculine look that they used for anthony. I know it’s because he is putting on a performance but I think they could have gona another way. His look in season 2 is great in my opinion, maybe if his clothing was more relaxed but he kept the same hair then it would be perfect.

They’re trying to convince us that he’s suave and smooth with the ladies but it’s not consistent with his character

The threesome scenes? Not a hundred percent sure who that was for. Sapphics let me know if you appreciated those scenes because I know they weren’t doing that for their famously large straight male audience. I also saw someone say it reduces the sex workers to props but in context that kind of works into the story so idk.

Colin went from being lost at the end of last season to gaining a sense of identity that isn’t implied to be an act.

Lots of side stories make it seem messy and wastes time that can go into understanding Francesca, Penelope, and Colin. Instead of focusing on stories like Lady Bridgerton’s romantic story they really should make a QS 2 where they can explore the older cast of characters.

Paaaaacinnng. Everything is happening so fast and the side stories mean that Polin doesn’t even make much sense to me. I don’t feel any chemistry. I’m not going to count how long they’ve been on screen together this season, but it’s not enough for me to believe that Colin finally sees Pen in a romantic way. The helping Pen find a husband quest lasted for a second and immediately he realises his feelings. I just don’t buy it. I almost want to cut away to horny ass Kanthony to see actual chemistry.

if anybody reads this and has their own takes pls comment. I love talking about the show and hearing what other people thought.

[the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf]

I love your fic “When the cat's away...”! ♥️💙 Now I really wanna know how they got together after Spider man into the spider verse

Masterlist

Requests open - here

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Here's the fic which you should probs read first When the cat's away...

Soooooooo.

In the comics Spiderman and the black cat have a very flirty relationship and always end up hanging out when they're both on duty, the difference being Cat is more of a vigilante and anti-hero. They also have an on/off relationship with Cat being the main instigator.

After him and MJ got divorced, he started using his Spiderman persona more because he felt his real self was too pathetic. So he starts going off on more jobs and stakeouts. He actually finds himself looking for Cat and following her to find out more about her (ik this sounds creepy but hey ho). And he finds himself falling for her.

*skip the portal opening up and him finding Miles*

When he's talking to Miles he finds himself asking about Cat...

"So in this universe, do you have a black cat?"

"There's one that lives on the roof I think--"

"no no. The Black Cat. The vigilante."

"No? Is that someone I should look out for? Am I gonna get my own?"

"Yeah, just when you meet them...have fun." (I'm using 'them' because Peter B. wouldn't know what gender Black Cat will show up as in Miles' universe.)

*Aunt May's house*

When Aunt May sees Peter B. she immediately goes to the door and brings out a letter addressed to this universe's Peter that he didn't get a chance to open before he died. The envelope has 3 distinct claw marks slightly scratched into it. He smirks knowing it was you, well this universe's you.

He opens the letter and reads...

"Hi Peter. I'm sorry it's been a while but I thought MJ wouldn't appreciate you always hanging out with me, so I took myself out of the equation. I'm truly happy you found someone and that you like your life with her. But because I don't plan on seeing you again I have to tell you. I love you. I'm in love with you. That's all. Have a great life. And remember, you promised to name your child my suggestion:............Y/n Y/l/n (meow) xoxo"

His eyes well up when reading. How did he never know? You'd always been flirty and you'd both kissed a little (more like a lot), but this was love. Maybe it was something about seeing your name for the first time or seeing you speak sincerely without the need for flirtatious teasing. But something changed inside of him.

*talking to the other spider-people*

"so do any of you guys know a y/n y/l/n?"

"The Black Cat?" "Black cat?" "The cat?" "cat?"

"Wow. So who are they to you?"

There's a pause whilst the spider-people consider.

"She's my partner in crime. I'd be lost without her on my side." Noir goes first.

"He's my best friend. I love that guy!" Porker chimes in.

"I never got to tell them how I felt." Peni solemnly whispers.

They all look to Gwen waiting for her. She takes a moment. Then she looks up at Peter B.

"She's the love of my life." Gwen begins to smile. "And I didn't realise that until I was here. And she wasn't."

*coming out of the Portal*

Peter B. is dumped unceremoniously back into his New York. Despite the free-fall and his sore limbs and ass (juicy) from when he fell, he feels good. And he smiles, genuinely for the first time in years.

He jumps back up and swings throughout New York city, trying to spot the familiar icy locks and black catsuit (God he's thought about her in that catsuit a lot).

He meets her on a rooftop, high above the city.

"Hey spidey! You've not been around a lot? Did you go grovelling back to MJ on your knees like a kicked puppy?"

"No, actually. Believe it or not I was in another universe. And do you know what I found out about those other universes."

"What? I'm all earssss." you hiss into his mask covered ear.

"That you love me." You panic and try to swing away. But he grabs you first and holds you in his arms.

He takes off his mask revealing his scruffy beard and salt and peppered locks.

"My name is Peter. But can you still call me spidey cause it makes me sound super-cool, like a super-cool biker." You giggle even though tears are streaming down your face. You'd dreamed of this and actually the face under the mask was more beautiful than you ever imagined.

He leans into your face. "Peter, what are you doing?"

"A leap of faith."

You join together in a passionate kiss. When you eventually pull away you hug him tight and bury your face in his chest whilst tears are still streaming down your face. He whispers in your ear "Honey, I'm home."

*after the birth of their first child*

"She's so beautiful."

"I don't think I've ever seen anything as perfect as her. I never want to let her go."

"Honey, you do have to let me hold her sometime." you hold out your waiting arms.

"No. Did not agree to that."

"Anyways what should we name her?"

"How about Mayday?"

"I love it! Where did that come from?"

"Just from this thing I once read." He winks at his baby Mayday. Knowing one day he'll tell her all about the letter, the multiverse, Miles, and how he realised her mum was the one.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

[bestialitybestiary]

My opinion on Scott that nobody asked for:

I think he was cursed by writers, I think he was inconsistently written because he's the protagonist, the main character. They focused on him looking cool and being the main guy of the show which, paradoxically, made him more shallow than the others. They were so focused on how Scott is the good guy that they didn't notice/forgot he fucks up from time to time and should be called out about it. And it may have been not such a great choice to give Scott cute romance plot all the time next to the more and more serious drama, because it made him look irresponsible or ignorant (but maybe that's just me hating fun XD)

Sometimes Scott is a black and white guy, but other times he wants to give people a second chance and agrees to work with his enemies. Sometimes he cares about other's feelings, but other times he doesn't think about other's perspective. I don't have a problem with Scott being lost, trying to find his way. It's ok that he tries to find the best solution without killing, it makes sense, he tries to break this cycle of violence which is a risky move. Not wanting your friends to kill people may be naive, but also, those are kids and murder isn't something you can just brush off, it changes you. He tries to stop them from loosing themselves, not to judge them. Scott, at least since 3A, wasn't a judging guy. He thought their methods should be different, that they shouldn't give on trying to find other way, for everyone's sake! I'm not saying he's perfect, because he's not, and I just don't like it when he's treated as some morally pure guy by the fandom or just the show itself. He's not. He's just less pessimistic, less experienced than most of the characters. His new perspective can be refreshing or dangerously naive, depending on situation.

Idk, I feel like he's hated so much for things that are just kid stuff. He didn't have as rough life as Stiles, Derek or Malia. He's a normal 16yo boy, who never had to think "is murder always a bad thing?". He was just a boy, who was suddenly thrown into this brutal supernatural world where people were killing each other like it's nothing! Stiles knew life was hard, knew grief. Of course he was more mature and sceptical here!

But also, Tyler is great as a goofy, silly teenager, but not so great at serious scenes imo (at least from what we saw in tw, at least not as good as Dylan or Crystal).

[rolloollor]

Thoughts about Bound by Briar

It's time once again for me to ramble about what happens after a fic is over!

This is one of the few chaptered fics I've written that doesn't have an epilogue chapter. Sacerdos also doesn't have one, but Dark Fire/From the Ashes and Dyed Dark as Night (as well as the upcoming vampire AU) do. To be honest with you, I struggled with this ending. I wrote like two or three variations before going for this one, which I felt was more fun and more… in character. Plus, I think it offers something the endings in other fics of mine don't, which is also important to me.

Anyway, onto my thoughts.

So, what happens next?

Well, the dynamic between Malleus and Rollo is shifting even further. Pet/owner to vassal and suzerain to... something else. It may look like Malleus has the power from the outside looking in, but he's ceding more and more of it over time. Rollo knows he has an immense amount of sway when it comes to Malleus and he isn't interested in giving that up. He really has nothing else: he can't go home, he can't avenge Jehan (because he can't destroy magic), so what remains? Malleus. Thus, Rollo will dig his claws into him as deeply as possible. In fact… I'd say that this Rollo would (eventually) even accept being transformed into a fae like in DDAN so that he won't have to relinquish Malleus.

Though, I will say, when Rollo figures out what the magestone ring Malleus gave him does he's going to flip the fuck out. He hardly uses magic, so I don't think he'd notice for a while, especially if the main magic he uses is attuned to him (the flames) and thus produces a miniscule amount of blot. I could have covered his eventual discovery in this fic, but I just didn't want to. It'd cascade into a lot of complicated stuff outside the scope of a weird unhealthy romance story. Whether or not Malleus/the fae will agree to maybe start disseminating these magestone rings to humans, that's an issue. I could see Malleus agreeing (purely because Rollo wants it), but will the queen? Maybe they'll start a smuggling operation… Like, they acquire the stones, slip them to the Queendom, and then the Queendom surges in power and dominates the other countries. Lots of consequences here. Maybe other countries will attack the fae in earnest to get their hands on the stones? Talk about a mess. But it would be funny if the Shaftlands, having sacrificed ships and manpower basically to fuck mages over, find themselves significantly weakened in this new magic-safe(r) world. Whoops! Eat shit!

Another key question I imagine some people might have is: does Rollo love Malleus? I think he does, in a way. But it's warped. Not only does he know he has the upper hand (as in, Malleus loves Rollo more than Rollo loves Malleus), but it's not like Rollo got to choose Malleus over everyone else--he has no other options. He's definitely attracted to him, of course. I just think that there's no starting from 0 with Rollo, he will always remember how their relationship started and how Malleus treated him. His love for Malleus is possessive and at least partially born out of survival. When that threat fades in his memory, he'll chill out some. But he'll never forget.

Will Malleus and Rollo have kids? Maybe. I think Rollo would be into the idea after a few years since it would give him another purpose in life (not to mention it would mean claiming Malleus even further). But I also think that Rollo would have to accept being a concubine. A concubine who's also a vassal...

What if Malleus has to take a fae wife? Rollo would manipulate Malleus as hard as he possibly can, ensuring that he spends little time with her. Maybe to the point that he has 0 legitimate children and instead has a handful with Rollo. I do like the idea of things getting extra fucked up because of the introduction of a wife, but it also makes me sad, so. Whoever this lady is, she doesn't deserve the horrible schemes Rollo would cook up. Best case scenario, Malleus tells her something like, "Look, I'm in love with my human, so this marriage is purely for show/the alliance/whatever. Appear at official events with me, but otherwise we shouldn't spend much time together. We likely won't even consummate this marriage." Hopefully she's cool with that. We wouldn't want any competition between heirs, now, would we... And well, it would be a nice sort of vengeance for Rollo to 'taint' the royal bloodline forever.

The gargoyles become good friends with Malle, but Rollo won't let him hang around them more than he deems necessary. Rollo visits them maybe more often because he does the cleaning.

All in all, they basically make each other worse. Rollo isolates Malleus from others while Malleus is content to get the majority, if not all, of his emotional needs met by Rollo. Meaning the threat of him leaving/dying is huge and one Malleus won't be able to bear in the future. Rollo accomplishes none of his initial goals and lives a life that is, no matter what, ultimately up to the whims of Malleus and the other fae. The whole 'human expert' thing is a job Malleus made for him, more or less. And he'll never see Fleur City ever again. He has little to worry about regarding Malleus' affection... for now. Something, or someone, could happen at any time, so he'll have to be vigilant.

Not quite a bad end, not quite a good end. They'll stay together in a codependent relationship until one of them dies.

Some of you may be curious as to the other endings I tried out. Well, in one, I was going to have Rollo accept Trey's offer and stealthily head to the docks. I thought about having him turn back on his own or having Malleus confront him there. It felt... predictable? Played out, maybe? It just didn't work for me. Another version involved Rollo reading the letter with Malleus in the room, with him learning about the content and, of course, freaking out. I also wrote a thing where Rollo and Malleus ride a horse (Rollo at the reins, Malleus behind him) together, but I can't remember where that was supposed to go. A lot of unused chunks... I even wrote out a scene where Rollo actually was leading the diplomacy effort and talking with Trey and company in their little house tree, but it deviated a lot from mallerollo time and I went, "Would anyone want to read this...?" and scrapped it. Plus I don't think it makes a ton of sense for the fae to entrust that job to Rollo so quickly.

Maybe some of those failed endings sound more appealing than what I went with, but they simply weren't working out. When I've written something and I keep avoiding continuing it, like I'll reread it and go "ugh" and do something else, that's how I know it isn't going to happen. Procrastination's normal, but I should want to continue a particular scene and it shouldn't be like pulling teeth. And if I do force myself to write something I'm not into, it'll be of lesser quality. Basically.... if I'm not having fun writing it, no one will have any reading it.

If anyone has any questions about the story or anything really, I'd be happy to answer. I know the pacing of the last few chapters was a bit speedy... so I wouldn't be surprised if there were aspects that people found confusing.

[oh-shtars]

Bonjour, good day, I come with more questions~

1. What Disney character do you think most inspired each character in your rewrite?

2. More Rani loreeee

3. Does Rani have star magic? Although feel free to skip this as it might spoil your ending with Sueño

4. Does Hopes & Dreams have any other pet names for each other?

5. If Ashueño is similar to a genderbent Rapunzel, what dynamic is the royal couple like?

6. What trope best fits Hopes & Dreams? What about the royal couple?

7. Do you have any scrapped ideas you want to share?

8. Are the other character’s wishes important to the story?

9. What Hazbin character is each RFTS!character like?

Oh wow-

I get so happy whenever you guys leave asks and stuff like this. Thanks so much! 🥺💖💖 LOVE YA BO!

If y’all ever send me an ask and I haven’t answered it yet, please know I’m not ignoring you. I either don’t know how to answer it yet or I’m too busy atm. (Especially with exams coming up. Ew.)

(Looking at this, I feel more guilty the more they stay there. 😅 But hey! At least you can look forward to more content, right?)

Anyways, Onto the asks!

1. What Disney character do you think most inspired each character in your rewrite?

I remember doing this one post as a little fun game for everyone to share 3 characters that inspired their main characters. But since you asked for just one and it has to be a Disney character, guess I’ll do that.

You can visit the post if you want to see mine and other AUs’ participation.

Asha = Belle (Beauty and the Beast)

Sueño = Aladdin

Magnifico = Hades (Hercules)

Amaya = Zarina (Tinkerbell: The Pirate Fairy)

Valentino = Younger Simba (The Lion King)

(I don’t have a solid personality for the 7 teens since they’re not going to have as big of a role. I do have their key traits in my notes so I can look back to it as a guide. But I’m just going to go with the flow when writing their scenes.)

……..

2. More Rani Loreeeeee

I haven’t even finished a final outline for the main plot of the RFTS!story, so idk even for a sequel. Maybe I’ll do some random drawings of family bonding moments and just him being a precious little guy.

(Hypothetically speaking, IF both Asha and Sueño survive the tragedy I’ll inflict on them. I mean what- who said that?)

All I know for Rani is that he’s someone who’s not sure what is the one thing he’s passionate for. And in this kingdom where everyone is so sure what they want and striving to achieve it, he feels lost. Surely, people only have one passion, right? Why can’t he find and settle for one?

Whenever he finds something he could be passionate about, Rani feels icky at the thought of just permanently sticking to it from now on. But at the same time, he criticises himself for being ‘irresponsible and indecisive.’

He “longs” to know his place and know what he wishes to do exactly. Rani doesn’t like being told, “But you’re so talented!!” because he personally thinks it’s unhelpful. It doesn’t make his choice of picking one passion any easier.

He also doesn’t really like vague answers to his questions and gets frustrated with it. “Believe in yourself.” “You’ll get there.” “Keep going!” “You’ll know it when you feel it.” “I don’t know what you’re aspiring to do, but I bet you’ll do great.” Well guess what? He doesn’t know what he’s doing either. :D

Also: *G A S P*. Not a strong believer of Wishing stars nor looking to the sky for answers! 😱 Rani prefers to “see-it-to-believe-it.” A more down to earth person who wants real solutions, not just hoping for something to magically happen.

(Some stuff might change but here’s an overview of Rani just like you asked- :))

…………

3. Does Rani have star magic?

Ehhhhh, I’ll say he has general knowledge in magic and just about anything he finds interesting and gets his hands on. Not really star magic, though he has the skill of a fast-learner when learning about regular magic. Again, Rani’s existence may or may not be hypothetical. 🤷

………

4. Does Hopes & Dreams have any other pet names for each other?

Sueño is not really one for pet names since he adores Asha just as she is, including her name. But in his head and through the sign language he eventually learns, he does sometimes call her: “Love or My Sky”

(I love “My Sky” so much because it FITS him. He loves the feeling of freedom and is claustrophobic. So he’s basically saying he feels so free and happy to be around her. Also, *coughs* Bo. “Sky”. My Sky. “Cielo”. Amirite? This was unintentional, I swear-)

For Asha, she calls Sueño: “Starlight, Mi Sueño (this is her fav one ofc), Sunny (though this is more general), Hon/Honey.”

For the last one, I have a silly headcanon that Sueño comes to have honey as one of his fav foods. It sort of rhymes with his other nickname, “Sunny,” and Asha thinks it’s hilarious to tease him with the “honey” nickname when he gets all sticky.

Idk why I even came up with this, but the thought that he’ll eat anything, even food he usually doesn’t like, that is dipped in honey on it is just funny, okay? And it connects to Hal too since I remember she’s meant to be a beekeeper. (This may also be a cute little reference with Winnie the Pooh if Sueño shapeshifts. Hehehe)

Btw, stars can taste but not go hungry. Like how they touch and feel stuff but not feel pain when inflicted or hit by something. If it’s dark magic, then that’s the only exception and they can feel pain.

…….

5. If Ashueño is similar to a genderbent Rapunzel, what dynamic is the royal couple like?

Idk actually. I made Amnifico or ‘Grand Despair’ from scratch without referring or getting inspired by any couple I know. It’s mostly songs and vibes I’ve collected to create their dynamic. Same with Ashueño. The Rapunzel similarity was not intentional. 😅

(I think you should be worried because my RFTS!Spotify playlist has lots of angst- lol.)

Uhhhhhhh, maybe Grand Despair can be something akin to Charity and P.T Barnum from the Greatest Showman. But darker and eviler.

A guy who promises something for his beloved, gets carried away, and eventually forgetting what this was all for in the first place. :3

……

6. What trope best fits Hopes and Dreams? What about the royal couple?

Hopes and Dreams:

“Soulmates/Fate” (I think we can all agree that these two are meant to be, either platonically or romantically, in any universe both AU and Canon.)

👏 SLOW 👏 BURN👏 (That pang of realisation always gets me)

Thinks she’s no one special x Treats her like royalty

Grand Despair:

Doomed Romance

Pissy x Only one who calms him down

”Us against the World”

……….

7. Do you have any scrapped ideas you want to share?

Not anything that wouldn’t spoil some stuff for the plot. Sorry 😞

……

8. Are the other characters’ wishes important to the story?

Hmmmmm. I guess they influence the narrative and further establish the conflict of the story.

Like, the characters are used to just taking the easy way to achieve their dreams by waiting for the day Magnifico grants them one morning. They can make as much as they want. Unbeknownst to them, they’re stuck in this cycle of always wanting more but never satisfied.

They keep wishing and wishing, believing that they have no chance of reaching it on their own without their king’s help.

I’d like the main theme to be: not being afraid to dream big and “Reach for the Stars” but you shouldn’t expect grand things to just come to you instantly. You’ll need to take faith and work for it. Why? Because the whole journey getting there, regardless of the many struggles, is worth it and it sure is something to look back and be proud of.

It sure is what Walt Disney did, isn’t it? :)

……..

9. What Hazbin character is each RFTS!character like?

It’s kind of difficult to pick from the Hazbin cast what each RFTS!character is like since one plot is based off of dreams and everything nice while the other is literally based in hell. 😂

But I’ll try:

Asha:

Emily was the closest I could think of. (Since I literally couldn’t think of anyone else. Oof-) Not really referring to the happy, excited part of her. More like the “I believe these people deserve a lot better than this” and eventually finding her voice to stand up against authority for the people she cares about.

Sueño:

No, not the aggressive and assertive side of Vaggie. Lol nope. More like getting attached to the MC that helped them get back onto their feet, warmly welcomed them in this strange new world, and now they would do anything to help them get their dreams come true whatever it takes.

(Also, a secret they’re keeping that’s eating them up inside with guilt and constantly worrying that the MC would hate their guts if they knew. Oops-)

Magnifico:

I’d say the fake-ass showmanship he puts out in public but in reality, he’s really done and exhausted with his audience. He’s still pretty charismatic when he wants to be but I can see him losing his cool quite easily, leading to outbursts.

Amaya:

Idkkkk. The main cast of Hazbin don’t really fit RFTS!Amaya’s vibe so I just went with Lilith despite how we know nothing about her at the moment. (This is probs gonna age badly-)

She’s a parental figure to someone who trusts her a lot but in reality, her motivations might not be what they seem. She could be willing to sacrifice other people if it means she gets a benefit out of them.

[gentle-voluptuary]

Just read that amazing post of yours. Thank you for that. As someone who has only dipped their toes into the dangerous waters of "coming out" about feedism irl, and who is very aware of the pathologization of kink in general, I have a question...

pathologization in the sense of saying "those kinksters are mentally ill and what they're doing it sick and wrong!" is obviously problematic. But how do we stop internally pathologizing ourselves? Like, to me it's pretty obvious that my fat fetish comes from being obese as a kid and getting bullied about it. Insert long explanation of how I'm SURE that's where it comes from. How did I stop thinking "this is just a shameful result of my trauma that I can't shake", start accepting it as something that's part of myself (even when I'm not horny)? How do I share it with a partner without fear of them judging me and just deep diving into what's wrong with me mentally, when I just wanna be able to have fun with a kink that's turned out to be my main thing after a few decades of checking in?

Thank you for the kind words and, more importantly, thank you for bringing such a sensitive and intimate question to a stranger - I hope I can do it justice.

Firstly, I just want to say how much I resonate with your question even if our lived experiences behind it are different. In a previous relationship, I was with someone who really didn't have a lot of space for complex conversations that involved shame, particularly as it related to sex. I saw very quickly I could never "come out" to them (as a feedist, or really as queer) and so I bottled put hose parts of myself until they hurt, a lot.

I ended up going to a therapist who I thought would help "fix" the parts of me - like my kinks - that were holding me back from relating to that partner in a deeper way. What we realized was that, while I had tremendous shame around my sexuality (and occasionally still do), I also was with someone who didn't have the capacity to hold both the beauty and the complexities of my sexuality (and especially my kinks) at the same time. I actually feel so grateful that I never came out in that relationship, because I think the blowback would have made me even more traumatized than I already was.

This is the first part of my answer to my question: part of "coming out" in a safe way is being around people who you can genuinely trust and have care and space for complex emotions. I used to operate on the assumption that it was entirely up to me to navigate the coming out process, but since then I see it much more contextually. Obviously the danger thresholds are different, but if you think analogously about coming out as queer: there are places where that is more or less safe for them, no matter how internally healed a person may be. Keeping a clear eye on who and where we are is a big part of the process, and, if you can find the right person or people, you can build comfort in smaller ways (e.g., maybe you just tell someone you're kinky without giving any details) with safe people, and that helps you build the muscle you want to use later.

The second part of my answer is the both the more optimistic part, but also the harder one:

How do we stop pathologizing ourselves? We act gently towards ourselves. It's really (sadly), that simple.

To be more specific, though, I think gentleness is key here because we're dealing with such multi-layered complexity:

Speaking for myself, I have worked hard to acknowledge that all of my kinks are inextricably (though not entirely) linked to traumatic experiences. I am very neurodivergent and have spent my entire life trying to mask and hide who I am to others; is it any wonder that I sexualize the experience of others who unapologetically take up physical, intellectual, and social space? I don't think so. I read my feedist tendencies through a multi-faceted lens: eroticizing the act of unbridled hedonism and personal space-taking since I lacked so much of that in my own early life; eroticizing the physical sensations of fat in a higher-than-typical way since I lack that on my own body; eroticizing the transformation of weight gain as I look on with admiration, and occasional envy, for the transformations of others' genders or personas in public and in private.

My kinks are significantly wedded to those traumas, but I don't think that makes them any less beautiful.

It sounds bizarre, but I think we need to fall in love with our trauma responses in order to access the gentleness to then navigate them in the real world in safe, consensual, and compassionate ways. This doesn't mean we abandon our self preservation and expect others to immediate accept them or us, or that we allow ourselves to let the response dominate how we show up in the world. It simply means we express gratitude to ourselves (and, if you practice parts-related therapeutic modalities, to our younger self) for creating a system that helps protect us. That's all a trauma response is. We never have to be angry at that intention, we just need to decide how much (if at all) we want the behaviours associated with that response to show up and where.

To summarize that, I think you could explore the following, with the caveat that this can be very hard stuff, so, go slowly and gently and notice anytime you feel an internal 'ouch' at a hard question. This is like walking after taking off a caste: slow is fast.

Take time to feel through where and how your traumas inform this (and any other) kink for you (I'm a big fan of journaling for this)

If you have the resources and capacity, find a sex-positive therapist (specifically look for that language) who you can broach the topic with and get professional guidance - I'd specifically ask, via email since it's low-risk, if they are sex-positive, trauma-informed, and believe in fat liberation / social justice around bodies.

Identify ways in which this trauma response (i.e., feedist attraction) has saved you or served you. Has it helped you navigate difficult decisions? Has it helped you stay away from another coping mechanism (drugs, alcohol, self-harm) that might have more adverse consequences for you?

Identify the components of the way in which you feel this desire that cause distress for you. Really try to feel where your distress comes from internally (e.g., do you feel physical discomfort after a stuffing, do you worry that your desires could hurt someone else if fully acted out?) and where distress relates to others' perceptions of you. Try to separate them out (again, I recommend journaling) and see if there are adjustments you could make to mitigate that distress.

Look for ways that your kink can contribute something to the world. I have personally found that feedism, properly expressed, has helped partners shake off some of their own deep traumas related to fatphobic experiences. One time a partner went on a scale in front of me and wept as I came up behind them to nuzzle them as we looked at the numbers; it was the first time in their lives that they'd ever been on a scale that hadn't immediately evoked negative emotions. As I wrote in my essay and I hope to explore more, I think any kink offers opportunities for healing, when it's done right - ask yourself what your kink can do for you and others, and what you'd need in place, personally and in a partner, to do that?

Lastly, and I think you're already doing this since you're here, but try to build community. One partner of mine remarked once that feedism was "the most solitary kink" that she'd ever encountered. Because of the intensity of fat phobia, I think a lot of feedists (myself included) adopt a kind of bunker mentality. We fear not only society at large will hate us, but the very people we are attracted to. That does things to you. I am still learning to recover from hyper vigilance with non-feedist fat partners who I am still not entirely convinced won't turn on me when the fully understand what turns me on, even if those things live purely in the world of fantasy. We need to create space for love and care for one another, and for ourselves, and I think that starts with raising conversations like you have here. :)

Thank you so much for the question, I hope this helps.

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Thai BQL Favourites List Tag Game

Thank you for tagging me @feralmuskyscentedhoepran (I think other people have also tagged me but it's been a while and I don't remember, so apologies for that! - There's also the '9 favourite tv series which two people tagged me to do, so that's also on my to-do-at-some-point list!)

Favourite bl:

I mean, it's obvious if you've been following me for a while (but Be My Favourite is coming close!)

Favourite pairing:

Look. There are SO MANY good pairs, so instead of choosing between them I'm going to go a bit left-field and name a pairing who I can't wait to see together again because I ADORED them in 10 Years Ticket (not ql, I know, but they'll be in 23.5 so I think it counts).

Most underrated actor:

I know most people already know of his magnificence but I don't think he's properly led a show as a lead pair and he absolutely could. And I want to see it.

Favourite character:

I love so many for so many reasons but the depth of love that I have for Pran is hard to beat. He pined for so long and finally got his man. And I see so much of myself in him.

Favourite side character:

I'm going to cheat again and say a favourite side pairing. I loved these two, more than the mains in Golden Blood.

Favourite scene:

I mean, it has to be. It's impossible to express how much impact this scene had on me.

Favourite line:

I'm tired. Tired of pretending to hate you while your face has taken over my heart.

*chewing glass* There's something so unbelievably romantic about this line and how Pat is using it to confess that I can't articulate properly. It just hits me deep, deeeeeep in my feels. Watching it/listening to it the first time was an incredible moment. I don't think Pat could have said anything else here, nothing else could reach this level of perfection.

Most anticipated bl and why:

I was SO impressed by Jimmy in Vice Versa (compared to Bad Buddy), and I also really liked Sea in the series (my first time watching him in anything), so I'm excited to see how they've developed in Last Twilight. I'm also very excited to see what Aof brings next and especially because the show is dealing with a disability.

Healthiest relationship in a bl:

They love each other. They respect each other. They know each other so well. They communicate seriously when they need but also can tease and play with each other without damaging their relationship. They're there for each other when they need to be and will support each other above all else.

Most toxic relationship in a bl:

I don't even want to add a gif but, yeah, Tharntype probably. Or PrapaiSky (sorry LITA lovers).

Guilty pleasure series:

I'm not sure about the 'guilty' part (that implies I feel somewhat 'bad' liking it??) but maybe the guilt is loving the pain and angst that Vi and Mark go through.

Bonus! Most underrated series:

I'm finding it hard to think of one because most of the series I really like, a lot of other people also like... Oh, I know... What Zabb Man. It didn't seem like a lot of people watched it when it came out. It was a good little show, not outstanding like others, but decent anyway (I don't quite remember the end though...) and worth checking out.

Thanks for the tag Vi! This was fun to do (even if it took longer than I thought it would!). I think a lot of people have been tagged already so I'll choose a few who may not have from my recent notifications: @sparklyeyedhimbo @callipigio @incandescentflower @spicyvampire and @vegasandhishedgehog