Location: Lethe Ink
Time: Saturday night
@rivcrlethe
Sloane's foot tapped idly as she waited in the little cafe's line. She hadn't expected there to be a line, not at this hour. But she supposed that she couldn't expect the little shop to stay her little secret forever. Still, as she checked the time on her watch for what had to be the tenth time, she fought back another sigh. Did they have to find popularity tonight of all nights?
The person directly in front of her shot her and her tapping foot a nasty glance that she returned with gusto, before regaining control of the anxious tick. With three people still in front of her, she pulled out her phone to send a quick text to Bil, confirming their coffee order and apologizing for her impending lateness.
Two more people to go. The tapping of her foot resumed completely unnoticed by Sloane, much to the ire of the cranky woman in front of her, though this time Sloane didn't see the look she was given as her eyes were glued to the display of pastries and sweet and savory delights. When it was finally her turn, she ordered an array of treats-- more than two people probably needed but.. well. It was important to hit all of the food groups, right?
"Please don't be upset with me!" She called by way of greeting as she at last pushed through the door to the parlor, drink carrier in one hand, and the little paper bag of goodies dangling in the other. "Or do, if you must. But wait until after we've eaten our dinner, okay?" She flashed her friend a brilliant grin, and set the bag and the carrier down on the counter. "I've brought a selection today, and as an apology for being late, you can have first pick." Her smile faded into something mildly more humble that she's sure didn't fool Bil, though she was already mentally saying goodbye to the matcha croissant sitting at the bottom of the bag.
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One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.
(Buckle in. This is a long one.)
In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.
As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.
Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.
This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.
I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.
But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.
So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.
But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.
But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.
It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.
He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)
So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.
But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.
(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)
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after thinking about it all day now I am insane enough to make it into an actual post, sorry for just copypasting my own tags, but alas xD
this was in response to this post about how buck probably didn't even realize at first how close tommy and he were standing, because him and eddie always stand this close which SO FUCKING TRUE, I just spiralled a little frome there
#but do you also think that NOW the next time he DOES stand this close to eddie he will notice?#DO YOU THINK NOW THAT HE KNOWS HOW CLOSE CLOSE IS AND HOW EASY IT IS TO BRIDGE THAT DISTANCE#HE WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS BE AWARE OF EDDIE BEING THIS CLOSE TOO AND HAVE A TINY PART OF HIMSELF WAITING FOR EDDIE TO REACH IN THE SAME#WAY TOMMY DID BECAUSE REALLY ISN'T THAT THE LOGICAL CONCLUSION TO EASY CLOSENESS LIKE THIS#and like *screams into hands some more* WE KNOW that eddie steps in super close next episode#we know he touches buck#and it isn't the chin it is his shoulder and hip#but really that only makes it more insane#and maybe eddie isn't thinking anything of it because they HAVE always done this THIS IS WHAT THEY DO#they have always stepped close and sought out each other's bodies and touched and just generally had a pull towards each other#but on god I cannot see a world where now buck isn't aware of it in a totally new way#do you think eddie steps close and reaches out to touch him and buck flashes back to tommy stepping close#do you think the feeling of fingers on his chin and fingers on his neck start to blur?#do you think he feels eddie's grip on his hip and for just a second he wonders if there is gonna be a pull that pulls him in unexpectedly#the way that tommy gently pulled his chin towards him? how it was both unexpected and something that he had secretly deep down been hoping#for and been TRYING to provoke by stepping closer himself by swaying closer by stepping in#do you think that for just a moment all of these things blur for buck?#and that has never happened before but HOW are you supposed to ever forget now that you have these new associations#and you have to realize that oh maybe they are not so different from what I have always had#how do you deal with that? with how suddenly suddenly something you have always had has this new meaning and you can't unsee it#but you also can't have it and you have to lock that down because with tommy it already felt like risking everything but in an exhilarting#way#but like this? oh like this the risk is TERRIFYING
the more I am thinking about this the more insane I am feeling? because then I remembered that in the stills from 7x5 we know Eddie has his hand on Buck's side from the way the fabric pulls and EDDIE NEVER TOUCHES BUCK LIKE THAT, he usually only does the shoulder grab! which by itself is insane enough
BUT
BUT THEN
we know from the 7x4 stills that even though we did not quite see it in the episode because of the use of close-ups, tommy too had his hand on Buck's side during the kiss/in the aftermath of the kiss, THE SAME HAND ON THE SAME SIDE VERY LIKELY IN THE SAME SPOT
like? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE OTHER THAN SCREAM?
the fact that they have eddie touch him like this specifically after tommy touched him like this, when he normally doesn't do that? making Eddie mirror Tommy's touch? FUCKING INSANITY
OF COURSE it'll blurr in buck's mind for just a second, there really is no way it doesn't, sensory memory is SO INSANELY STRONG, oh I am going fully insane over this
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Finding hilariously ironic how most of Sanji's perv jokes end up being extremely trans-coded to some extent only because the joke is longer than it should be.
The "guy with a woman's body" joke has been a thing for ages now, but it usually ends after the "haha I have booobs" joke. Sanji extends it to "I want to stay in this body forever. It feels right. I don't want to give it back". Which could still be read as some perverted stuff, but I don't think any man would agree with that. No matter how much of a pervert he is. Because usually being perceived as a woman is something they refuse to go through although they like being in possession sexually of a woman's body (a type of excitement Sanji actually shows, not by being that much aroused by it but being comfortable with it? Which is... A different approach to the joke).
Sanji has made the typical "going into the girl's changing room/bathroom" joke a couple of times, but in Egghead he goes all the way to be extremely frustrated about not being able to do so? And it is obviously different than wanting to keep Nami's body forever. It can still be seen as frustration for not being able to see girls naked. But. But. The fact that the length of the joke increases? The fact that it's way longer than it should be for an average "haha boobs" joke? You know what I mean.
Not to mention his whole arc during the time-skip and how a simple (both transphobic and misogynistic, by the way) joke, goes all the way to show us that Sanji is indeed comfortable in more feminine clothes and environment, until he's pretty much forced to snap out of his fantasy to go back to the crew. But he wasn't having a bad time at all. And it is intended to be a joke, but it's... Longer than it should be to be considered only a joke and to not pay attention to it.
This isn't meant to be an analysis of any kind because if it were I would've worded it differently and would've mentioned how his childhood is also extremely trans-coded, but we all already know that. I just find it extremely funny how all of these jokes that intend to be directed at straight perv men are actually too long to not be taken into consideration as something deeper than a joke. But, aha, yeah, these are just jokes and definitely not proof of Sanji's perception of gender and his issues with it.
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