#SHAME THEY DIDNT WANT TO ACTUALLY EAT ANY OF IT

[katabay]

original thief series basso & garrett :)

ngl, it's about quality over quantity for me. an npc can have a total of three minutes of screen time, but if they have a cool name, they can live rent free in my head and I'll spend several hours trying to decipher drawable features from a blurry screenshot of pixels

there is a vague hint of a story here, and that's because every time I try to play thi4f, I get incredibly frustrated with how Not Fun the game play is. like, is the story good? well. but it has a PLAGUE. that should've given it instant 'I'll replay this once a year' status in my heart, but the game play sucks so bad that I've never finished it. I can't believe Not Fun gameplay beat out my obsession with narrative plagues.

anyway, the idea is basically if the original era had a game with a plague centric narrative and some other stuff I liked out of thi4f thrown into a narrative blender, with a heavy dash of horror thrown in because some parts of the thief games were scarier to me than entire dedicated horror genre games.

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app

[n-eoct]

PRESSURE . . . M. LEE ☆ !

ㅤ≀ㅤ ֺ۪ ⭒ ݂ mark lee is textbook definition of pussy drunk, borderline pathetic with the way he begs to spend time between your legs | 0.942 wc

☰ warnings . . . afab reader / mark eats it from the back / over stimulation / squirting / use of “princess” / praise / implied mark edging himself (brief mention) / oral (f receiving) / mark is simply a pussy drunk fool / not really any dom or sub dynamics

ㅤ≀ㅤ ֺ۪ ⭒ ݂ this goes without saying, MDNI. did not proof read bc i simply didnt feel like it sorry. reblogs, likes, and any feedback is appreciated ! enjoy!

the average person would probably be embarrassed if they behaved the way mark did—especially over some pussy. he never had any shame in his game though, puppy eyes that would bore into yours to tell you what he wants without any actual words. he’d beg you to let him eat you out, never wanting anything in return. he somehow finds satisfaction in simply grinding his hips against the surface beneath him, whether its your bed, his bed, the sofa, etc.

today was no different for mark, eyeing you in your element. to the average person, shorts and a tank top wasn’t anything special but mark was no average person. he admired the way your shorts hugged your body in all the right places, your tank top that has slightly rolled up or the strap that keeps sliding off your shoulder. he felt his mouth go dry, eyes raking over your legs while his basketball shorts started feeling a little tighter than before.

he waited patiently for you to finish up whatever it was you were doing, too consumed with his thoughts to even remotely pay attention to anything but you. specifically your pussy, something he could never get sick of. he wanted you bent over, back arched just the way he liked it while he suffocated himself between your folds. mark held back a whine, just thinking about it had him on the brink of cumming in his pants. “princess?” his voice sounded choked up, forcing out each syllable. eyes lighting up when you looked at him, he motioned for you to come over.

he let out a quiet chuckle, knowing that you knew exactly what he was about to do. mark wasted no time to position you over his lap, hands gliding over your ass that started to peak out of your shorts given the position. “s’ pretty” he mumbled, becoming a bit more handsy as his fingers slipped between your thighs. the tip of his fingers pressed against your cunt, irritated at the fabric being a barrier for him. “lets get you out of these.” he said barely above a whisper, dragging the fabric down till he was met with your panties that made themselves comfortable around the crevice of your ass. mark massaged at the bare flesh, “i need you so badly.” he groaned, a begging like tone taking over his previous one.

“so have me.”

those three words drove him over the edge, swiftly getting you into that position he loves most. his hands ran down your back till they reached the waistband of your panties, taking his time to drag them off you. “pretty girl” and “all mine” poured out of his lips like a broken record, praising you and savoring every moment of this as if this was the opportunity of a life time. he was so desperate, it was borderline humiliating in some ways but he truly could not care. not when your cunt was glistening like this, juices coating your folds at the bare minimum of his actions. anyone would be insane to not want to be the way he was, pussy drunk.

mark watched as you made yourself comfortable, your face pressed against the sofa with your ass in the air. your cunt was on full display for him, he let out a noise that was mixed between a whine and a moan. “fuck.” he slid a finger between your folds, immediately coating his digit with your juices. his patience wore thin, tongue making its way through your cunt. it was so lewd, the noises emitting sounded like it came straight from a porno. mark ate messily, yet perfectly at the same time. he paid attention to all aspects, never neglecting a single part of you. mark lapped at your pussy like a dog thirsty for water, his moans vibrating against you.

somewhere down the line mark kept repeating “thank you”, almost as if your pussy was the biggest blessing he’s ever received. he could tell you were going to cum, holding onto you so you don’t run from him when you do. “give it all to me pretty girl.” using words that he knew would send you over the brink of ecstasy, and so they did. his nails dug into your flesh, continuing his ministrations through your orgasm. your cries were simply music to his ears, and he wanted more. so he took more, mark never choking up on his rhythm as he craved to feel you cum again. infatuated with the way you cried his name when you came, grinding against whatever pillow was near by to satisfy himself.

however mark wasn’t too focused on that, edging himself was the least of his worries. you on the other hand, he kept coaxing orgasms out of you. taking note of the way your body trembled, he had an itch to scratch and it was to make a mess of you. “one more f’me” he mumbled, knowing you were spent but he couldn’t stop. he was greedy, face smeared in your cum practically dripping down his chin. mark suffocating himself against your cunt, looking for one thing out of you. he knew you were close, already sensitive from the last time he made you cum. slowly drawing circles over your clit, awaiting for you to break.

eventually you did, squirting all over him till it was clinging to his skin like a vice. the sofa was an even bigger mess than before, watching as it dripped down your thighs. mark licked the juices at his lips, pulling you against his damp clothes as he rubbed your body.

“you did so good for me.”

[princesssmars]

ive stalled in my full fic so im thinking of possessive!victoria neuman... 18+

maybe you started out as her daughters nanny or teacher, or maybe she saw you one day walking by on the street as she was making an appearance for some political thing she cant really remember, all she knows is that as soon as she saw you she had to have you.

going the nanny route, she doesn't push you too much at first, not wanting to scare you away by seemin like the scary lustful employer trope. her flirting is subtle. the first few weeks. passing comments on if you changed your hairstyle, how she likes the scent of perfume you're wearing, noticing how you prettily you dress to take zoe out to hang out with her friends and how once you start to move in to work full time she can sometimes catch you in your pajamas.

(she swears she fell in love with you the time she caught you both in the kictehn eating ice cream at midnight, donned in your unseasonal christmas pants and college sweatshirt.)

once she starts to get the idea that you like her as well she enlists zoe for help, and its not hard since the girl adores you and is attached to your hip most of the time. you arent sure why she suddenly started asking you about your love life when she was practicing doing your nails one night, or how she absolutely begged you to visit her mom one weekend when she was called into the office.

you didnt really mind, though. when you were escorted into her office, ms.neuman smiling at and thanking you when you told her you brought her coffee and snack she loves to get from some place nearby.

you try to ignore the feeling of her fingers grazing yours as she takes the cup from your hand, and she tries to ignore the suspicious look her assistant is giving her.

but the two of you only grow closers, late nights spent drinking wine on her couch and when she 'casually' invites you out to a three-star michelin restaurant in manhattan as a thank you for all of your hard work. these little thank you's start to turn into little but increasingly expensive gifts. you didn't blink an eye when it was some cute coffee mug she said reminded her of you, but when she gently placed a gold chain on your neck one night after another wine-fuelled conversation, you were a little suspicious.

but blame it on the wine, or the ever-building heat inside your stomach and chest, but the fine line between employer and friend started to blur and the feeling of her hands pushing away your hair to put the necklace on broader display gives you that final push to grab her face and push her lips to yours.

at first she's stark still, and you fear that you've just ruined everything because you were tipsy on some stupidly expensive merlot until her hands are on your hips and she's dragging you to her soft cream couch.

when you wake up undressed and in her bed in the morning you're close to slapping your head in disappointment in yourself, wondering how you could jeopardize a well paying job that you actually enjoyed just for a few rounds of admittedly great sex. you dont get the chance to dwell in your shame any longer before victoria is coming inside, smiling and with a breakfast in bed palate in her hands, filled with delicious looking foods.

after that is when the light possessiveness starts. she loves the fact that you've moved in and majes sure anything you want or desire is readily available. if you ever realize that its been a while since you've even went grocery shopping alone, she tells you its just because she doesnt want you to have to worry about any of the little things since you already do so much for them.

that gold chain was just the start of her buying clothing and jewelry for you. her favorite is the three set of matching pendants she got for the both of you and zoe, hers filled with pictures of the both of you.

i imagine that she isnt too flashy with her wealth but does enjoy spoiling you. the most extravagant thing being how she offers to buy you an entirely new car once yours kicks the bucket. it takes a while for her to convince you to take it, and she definitely brushes off when you question her why its so high tech, deciding not to mention how there's an extensive tracking system inside it. and on your new phone.

but she always manages to dissuade any of your concerns you have for how attached and watchful she is over you. the world is so dangerous these days, and she fears that you'll become a target for being with such a controversial person on government. she also has a deep fear in her stomach about someone finding out that she's not exactly your avergae person, and the last thing she wants is for them to target you or zoe yo try to manipulate her.

and when she tells you the boiled down point of her view you can understand, not wanting to put any pressure on her when she has more than enough. so you start to settle, getting used to your new personal bodyguard or slightly advanced home security. zoe seems to enjoy her new private school, and you had to laugh off when victoria recommended homeschooling her.

but youve found a new family, new wealth and stability, and a new life that you fit so safely into. life is perfect. completely perfect.

guys i suck at this writing thing please make fics for her PLEASE

[gh0stswh0re]

Nononono pls here me out here me out I’m begging you 🧎🏻‍♀️

Speaking of virgin!Ghost:

Virgin!Ghost who wasn’t interesting of having sex. Ofc few woman had interested of having a one nights stand with him when he is at the bar or tried to flirt with him( mysterious are sexy) and his other old team members told him to give it a chance or he will never know how good it feels to finally feel something like this rather than using his hand.

But when he meets you, this man lets all his sexual needs out on you. His members were right, it feels good but for sure it’s much better with doing it with the right person, you! This man never thought to have sex in his life but now you are here, you give him pleasure he needed, not just sexual but also the intimacy from someone he is close to and knows that they love him and he can trust with his life

Now Speaking of experience! Ghost ( what a whore)

He probably did the deeds when he was in his early 20s. I can imagine that he did here and there quickies becaus he was really frustrated but something he never did was kissing someone while doing it nor giving them any praise. For him it wasn’t making love, it was for him more feeling a quick release and that’s it. Never even saw his face, why should they? But over the years he stopped, he had better things to do and especially he lost the interested if you can say so. it didn’t felt right for him at some point and it didnt gave him any pleasure anymore

But when you both had your first sex, he knew that you were the one he needed all along. The pleasure he only felt for a short time with his flings wasn’t any good like compared to the pleasure he feels with you. This pleasure is better, longer and give him comfort he never had and most importantly it is because of you! You make him feel sooo good and if he could, he would have it done with you so much sooner! Also he maybe had flings ( not that many) but he never ate sb out or fingered them. So he learned more how to please someone on and with you and tbh, he is so happy and glad that he can learn it with you and only you. he only wants to know how to pleasure you and nobody else🫶🏻

If any of his flings recognize him, watch him looking at them with zero interest and especially when they try to hit on him. At this point, he even regret that he had a quickie with them and without shame, he even tells them to fuck off

- virgin anon ??? Jaaijsbshs help

jsjsjsj i totally see where u are coming from, because something similiar happens in my nsfw alphabet (under I = intimacy).

personally i don't ghost considers himself asexual/demisexual (probably doesn't even know what that is) but he definitely doesn't need sex - it's just not his priority. i feel like if he was at a bar, he'd rather get another drink than to go around flirting, looking to get laid.

and if he does have sex, it's to get his frustration out - he isn't violent or pushy and he'll try to make the other person cum, but it feels more like a chore, he just doesn't enjoy it the way others seem to. and he thinks everyone is straight up bullshitting with the "it will happen with the right person" until it actually happens - with you.

as we all know, he's such a simp and would do anything to pleasure you. and he loves studying how your body reacts to his touches, and he'll always make sure to memorize every thing he did that earned him a higher, more careless moan from you. also, he could literally cum on spot just because he's eating you out (nsfw alphabet again, O = oral). he loves how he can open up and relax with you - no judgement from your side. he loves pressing his naked body against yours, nothing sexual just cuddling, the skin to skin contact is so fucking important to him.

it goes without saying that he doesn't even look at anybody else and is definitely the type of guy that says "nah, i have a gf" instead of "sorry, i'm taken" 😼😼

thinking abt everything i said, maybe he is demisexual and just never realized it lol

[fipindustries]

my experiences with transphobia.

this will probably make me look a bit unlikeable because its going to ammount to "not that many tbh i was insanely priviledged", i am very well aware of the struggle that my community goes through every day all over the world, specially in the last few years where republicans and terfs and conservatives in general have seemed to drive themselves into mouth foaming frenzy out of disgust, and where intra community fighting seems to get more bitter every day.

but i do want to share my experience all the same and hopefully this will help give some hope in the current bleak state of affairs that not everything about being trans is constant suffering all the time.

winding back the clock all the way to me being a kid, i was very much bullied, from kindergarden to high school. my experience in the education system was twelve solid years of being called names, being pushed around, being ostracised, being made fun of and being excluded. i had people trick me into accepting food the offered and then telling me they had spit on it before (my response to that was to keep eating it all the same and made sure to enjoy it in front of them). ive had people beat the shit out of me, and i had people point at me on the hallways and laugh every time i would walk across them.

none of this was over any gender stuff, mind you, but because i was just "the weird kid" i was very openly nerdy and neurodivergent, i had been raised by cartoon shows and i would insist on behaving as a cartoon character irl. also because i was not very social, i was awkward and because i tended to keep to myself.

besides that i lived in a small town with no nerdy scene at all, my family (especially on my dad's side) just plain didnt get me. noone seemed to share or understand my hobbies and my dad would constantly critcize me for the way i behaved, the way i dressed, the way i talked, etc.

out of all this my response was to say "no, its the children who are wrong". i resolved from a very young age to just be myself and if that made me an outsider and a weirdo and an outcast then whatever. if some came to make fun of me or criticise me for just being me then they were in the wrong and their opinion was automatically discarded. i was not going to compromise myself for the sake of others. i never really developed a sense of shame over being who i was.

this of course was in part a bit of a trauma response which ended up with me having the maladaptive trait of being too self centered and too inconsiderate of other people's needs, i had a really bad tendency to see any criticism, no matter how valid, as an attack to be ignored, to this day i still have trouble measuring myself and noticing when im hurting others, i still have a hard time prioritizing other people's needs over my own.

but, tragicomically enough, this attitude proved to be actually rather useful for when i transitioned. i am more or less impervious to weird comments or outsiders eyes. as soon as i came out of the closet i was going out in full drag like, literally three days after. i was walking outside, going to the corner store, doing groceries, running errands and stuff ouside in the street with fake boobs and my face caked in make up i still didnt fully know how to properly apply. i had a bunch of kids yell faggot at me and my only thought was that those little shits should get taught some manners.

it also helped me brush off really unpleasant comments from a close friend with regards to my transition, like her saying she was sure i was going to end up detransitioning or that everyone thought i looked like a fake caricature of a woman. my first reaction to those comments was "she is just saying that to hurt me, opinion automatically discarded". it helped me stand uo to my dad who outright refused to call me by my pronouns or treat me like a girl so i just immediatly stopped talking to him or visisting him until he changed his mind. it took a year but he eventually did and now things are great between us.

but that is only half of the story. im telling you all this because it sounds cool and because im genuenly proud of it but the truth is also that, i just didnt have to put up with a lot of hardship in my life in general, i grew up in a nice house with a loving caring mo and step dad, i went to college, i lived a lower middle class lifestyle generally. once i got out of high school i managed to get some actual friends. and i live in a more or less stable country.

all of my friends and immediate family were instantly cool about my transition. my uncles, my grandma, my cousins, my mom, my sister, my step dad. i was immediatly accepted with an "ok, cool, you are mandy now". all of my friends immediatly accepted me with open arms as well. if there were ever any weird social games about "being excluded from girl spaces" or people treating me different or whatever im probably too socially oblivious to notice them.

on top of that i live in a genuenly very trans friendly country, in a seemingly trans friendly city. so generally goberment institutions, health care institutions, private bussineses, the companies i worked for, they all went out of their way to use my prefered pronouns and name, even before i changed my documentation to reflect this.

i dont think i ever was scared to come out of my house or walk down the streets of my city, even at night. and let me tell you, there are times where the sun hits the wrong way or i forgot to shave or all my clothes were dirty and i had to essentially boy mode, and none of that deterred me from going outside and doing my bussines without even sparing a second thought to what strangers on the street might think. other people on the street are just non-entities for me, they might as well be painted on the walls, i just cannot bring my self to care about what they might think.

i keep thinking back to that scc article about people living in different circles that seem to either automatically insulate them from or automatically draw them to abuse from others.

people are generally nice and normal and reasonable around me and i dont know if this is because i have an "anti-transphobia" field or i am just incredibly innatentive, where its happening all the time and i just dont notice it, but it has certainly made my life easier.

[trans-axolotl]

for about two years now ive struggled with relapses in self harm and have not really known how to deal with my desires for harm, health, and existing thoughts on antipsychiatry. ive been accessing psychiatric resources for well over a decade with a lot of trauma inflicted over that time. ive also dealt with really harsh approaches to reducing self harm that both began the problem in the first place and worsened it.

ive been working with my therapist to stop self harming but, to be honest, i have no desire to stop. i try my best to reduce risk where i can such as not self harming in an emotional state, using clean implements, and keeping it light. previously i didnt care about any of those things and self harm was mainly a dangerous coping mechanism. but now i see it almost as a form of body modification with a lot of intentionality to it.

i really dont know what to think. its objectively dangerous since i am harming myself but i also cant agree with the general aims of therapy and psychiatry to stop self harming as an ultimate goal. i want to be happy and healthy and for me that means living with self harm as a reality of something i will continue to do. and i think its my right as an autonomous person to choose what i do with my body, even if its harmful. yet i can feel the claws of psychiatry and feel so much shame and hatred towards the fact i cant stop. or more significantly, that i dont want to.

sorry for such a long ask, but essentially what im getting at is, how does one handle harm reduction when there is no desire to ever fully stop? i believe in my own right to bodily autonomy but ive also been told repeatedly that using my bodily autonomy to harm myself makes me undeserving of it and instead in need of carceral punishment. how do i even begin to navigate those contradictions of feeling like ive been horribly hurt and dehumanized and feeling like on some level ive deserved that dehumanization because of the pain i inflict? is self harm as body modification even a concept or idea that people have discussed? since i mainly just see it discussed as a coping mechanism.

content note: continued discussion of self harm and self harm methods.

Hi, anon. Thanks so much for reaching out.

I really resonated with so much of what you shared. It's really hard to try to navigate all our feelings associated with self harm when we are constantly hearing from society that our self harm makes us dangerous or unworthy or unable to live outside of institutions. For me, it honestly feels really violating when other people like providers try to push their narrative of what self harm means onto me. My relationship with my self harm is so personal and there's a lot of different meaning I attach to it, and I want the room to be able to talk about it in a way that actually makes sense to me.

Something that's helped me in trying to navigate all of this for myself is really just to come back to these values of bodily autonomy and harm reduction. A really important harm reduction value for me is that it is completely okay if people don't ever stop (whether we're talking about drugs, self harm, disorderly eating, etc). It's important to me that we can defend people's right to do all these things and recognize that harm reduction should not be just another method of coercion trying to convince people to stop. I strongly believe that people can have meaningful and valuable lives that also include self harm as a part of our lives. I want to build a world where we can say that we're not interested in completely stopping self harm and that statement is not reacted to with shame or blame, but rather with curiosity and respect for the fact that we are the experts on our own lives and choices. Part of encouraging autonomy is recognizing that we are allowed to make choices about our lives that might not be what the psych system wants us to make.

Anyway, all of this is to say: I think it's okay if you're not interested in ever stopping self harming, and I know a lot of people who also feel similarly to you. You absolutely have the right to interpret your self harm in a way that makes sense for you. I've definitely heard other people talk about self harm as body modification (I think some of the harm reduction zines in this google drive might talk about it, but I haven't read through them in a while. Continued content note for discussion of self harm, self harm methods, and diagrams of anatomy and self harm). It makes a lot of sense why you might connect self harm and body modification, and that's something that would resonate with a lot of other people. You have the right to build a life that includes self harm as a part of it, and find a way to do it that makes sense for your body and life.

That feeling of dehumanization you described is so so real. I really just feel a lot of rage towards a psychiatric system that makes us feel so hurt and conflicted. Untangling that learned shame and hatred towards ourselves is so fucking hard, but just know that you are not alone in that and that we have the right to reject the ways the psych system punishes us.

And I want to be clear that none of this is to downplay the very real harm, pain, or risk that can come with self harm, but rather to point out that abstinence only methods, shame, and carceral psychiatry did not do anything to support me with that. Instead, it left me feeling trapped and like it was worthless to even try to figure out what I needed in really difficult moments. So I also really just want to acknowledge and celebrate all the stuff you listed in your ask--using clean implements, not self harming in an emotional state, and keeping it light. I'm really glad that you've found some steps to take that make self harm more manageable for you. Those are not lesser steps or a waste of your time just because you are not interested in stopping self harm, and those things are such a great example of how harm reduction doesn't require you to stop self harming in order to make some changes that reduce risk.

Just sending a lot of love and solidarity to you, anon, from another person who is not interested in completely stopping self harm, even as my relationship to my self harm shifts and changes over the years. There are a lot of us out here and we deserve to have the space to openly talk about these things without facing judgement.

💜💜💜💜

[meowzfordayz]

bff

Author’s Note: 10/10 would be 11/10 happy w/ these bffs. 😭💞

bff

Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader, Shinazugawa Sanemi x Reader, Tokito Muichiro x Reader

Word Count: ~1,500

CW: explicit language, platonic

Emergency Request Fulfilled: can i request platonic fluffy hcs for muichiro and/or genya— separate ofc, with a fem/gn (thats really up to you) childhood friend!hashira reader whos very loving? (not a hashira if genya!)

for example always holding on in someway, giving hugs, cuddles, kisses (on the hair/scalp or hands only), giving alot of attention, and friendly overall.

how they interact, feel, maybe even defend them if someone makes a comment abt them for ‘leading him on’ bcs they dont love him romantically *totally didnt happen to me once* i mean.. its like 1920 its bound to happen, react to dating assumptions, ect.

~faqs, image~

Bff!Kyojuro who, to be quite frank, doesn’t exactly make you laugh directly, but constantly makes you laugh indirectly, because how could you not laugh at how hard he makes himself laugh ??

Bff!Kyojuro who’s only slightly embarrassing to go out for meals with (his moaning exclamations of delight and contentment as he eats are, uhh, fairly loud), but you’re never truly embarrassed — really, you just wish you had his level of obliviousness confidence

Bff!Kyojuro who grins brightly whenever the server assumes you’re on a date “Which date do you think we’re on?”; who grins even brighter when the server’s eyes widen as he promptly announces “Beyond five hundred!” (of course, the server doesn’t have any way of knowing that those ~dates were entirely platonic and span a decade+); who tips the server generously if they mention proposing or marriage

Bff!Kyojuro who takes your scolding Stop fooling everyone into believing we’re a couple! with a grain of salt, because you do the exact same thing (it’s a miracle that your friends continue to fall for your We’re finally, actually, literally official! prank)

Bff!Kyojuro who raids your pantry with zero shame; cooks a second portion—for you—of whatever he’s craving; randomly stocks your fridge from time to time (he has a key to your apartment — it’s a regular occurrence for you to return home to new groceries and a sticky note “Reimbursement for our recent movie night!”)

Bff!Kyojuro who comes over with his old clothes because you get first priority/pickings before they’re donated

Bff!Kyojuro who pouts when you refuse to cuddle with him You’re too fricking sweaty

Bff!Kyojuro who retaliates by sitting on you

Bff!Kyojuro who writes you the sweetest birthday letters; you have a box with 10+ letters for all the years you’ve known him; it’s your tradition to read them in order (oldest to newest) every night after the celebration dies down and everyone (besides Kyojuro) heads home; he starts cleaning while you sit and read; it’s also tradition that by the final (newest) letter, you’re sobbing (happily) into his chest

Cleaning can wait

Bff!Kyojuro who believes in you, supports you, would move to another country for you — he has his own ambitions and dreams, sure, and they’re as adaptable and flexible as his adoration for you

Bff!Kyojuro who knows he can show up at your apartment at ass o’ clock, cheeks tear stained, heart ruptured, because you’re there for him too

You told him once that You’re my non romantic soulmate, and feeling your palms cup his face—your gaze tired, concerned, angry for him—he knows, “You’re my non romantic soulmate too.”

Bff!Sanemi who’s kinda your frenemy ?? except more friend than enemy (albeit, it took years to achieve that ratio)

Bff!Sanemi who excels at the little things

Bff!Sanemi who picks you up from the airport, the bar, really anywhere if you give him enough time to get there

Bff!Sanemi who knows your allergies, health conditions, fears — double checks whenever you dine out, carries extras of generic medication on him, keeps an eye on you ~just in case

Bff!Sanemi who remembers the things you want but I don’t need it though; has a literal list of items to buy/make for special occasions (i.e. birthdays, holidays) as well as ~just because (i.e. he misses you, you’re annoying him); ensures the list never runs out, “But you deserve it.”

Bff!Sanemi who’s very competitive and very mean about it — Monopoly, Go Fish, War, Scrabble, and puzzles are in the DO NOT PLAY WITH SHINAZUGAWA SANEMI category

Bff!Sanemi who has almost destroyed your friendship over Monopoly’s houses and hotels rules, cheating when shuffling cards, bullshit words in Scrabble, and overall raging (puzzles in particular)

Bff!Sanemi who doodles Sharpie tattoos on your forearms whenever you fall asleep before him, bUT TO BE FAIR — they’re always lowkey beautiful

Bff!Sanemi who’d be honored to draw the art for your first tattoo (if you so desired a tattoo), and would be just as honored if you drew the art for his first tattoo

Bff!Sanemi who’s adamantly against matching tattoos, but he’s got nothing to worry about considering your styles differ… significantly… (aka, for the sake of these hcs, his doodles of eyes actually look like eyes, whereas yours look like… scary)

Bff!Sanemi who kisses your bruises and scrapes (acquired from careless tripping, stubbing, falling) first “Are you okay?!”, and then laughs and points at you second “You’re a fucking idiot.”

Bff!Sanemi who: if you’re good at cooking — buys you ingredients and ~forces you to cook; if you’re bad at cooking — delegates setting the table, choosing the playlist, washing the dishes to you (while he cooks instead)

Bff!Sanemi who dances with you in the kitchen, which could be cute except that he takes it very seriously

Bff!Sanemi who grumbles when you accidentally step on his foot, insults your skill, “You’d be knocked out first round from any dance competition.”, rolls his eyes when you mutter It’s not that deep, and inevitably turns stepping on feet into a merciless battle that he unfortunately and usually wins

Bff!Sanemi who reluctantly massages your feet afterwards (winner’s remorse)

You told him once that You’re a menace. My menace, and as he stares at your playful fierce glare, he’s inclined to agree

Bff!Muichiro who cuts the tops off your strawberries; unshells your sunflower seeds (a true act of selflessness); shares his fries I’m fine! “I insist.” But Mui- “Less staring, more eating.”; lets you sip his frappes before he does

Bff!Muichiro who grabs your hand as you cross the street together, squeezing protectively, eyebrows furrowed with endearing focus considering, well, yanno We’re just crossing the street!

Bff!Muichiro who holds open doors for you; jams his foot in closing elevators for you; waits in lines for you

Bff!Muichiro who listens to you ramble for hours—tucked into your favorite corner of his couch—while playing mindlessly with your hair, David Attenborough narrating about whales or something in the background

Bff!Muichiro who kisses the top of your head after playing with your hair; hands migrating to your shoulders; searching for and gently kneading at any knots

Bff!Muichiro who learns your favorite braids, and either creates masterpieces with your hair and/or allows you to “Go wild.” with his (depending on who has better/ideal hair for braiding)

Bff!Muichiro who keeps extra hair ties on his wrist; for himself in case you spontaneously decide he needs a make over; for yourself (when applicable) in case you break/forget/lose yours

Bff!Muichiro who surprises you with picnics in meadows of wildflowers (the long drives are 100% worth it) because wildflowers = flower crowns = the best accessories

Bff!Muichiro whose entire Instagram is basically photos of you, himself, and you with him, featuring your plethora of creations

Bff!Muichiro who tags you as Hair Stylist: @--- or Model: @--- because, “Credit where credit is due.”

Bff!Muichiro who replies with vague 😁 and ☺️ and random heart emojis to You guys are too cute! and Dayum you really outdid yourselves and Where is this? It’s sooo prettyyy comments on aforementioned posts

Bff!Muichiro who never discloses locations because he cherishes the privacy and intimacy of his time spent with you

Bff!Muichiro who rarely allows you to move (when you’re cozied up on his couch), tugging sternly at your earlobe, “Hungry?” as you inch toward the kitchen, “You’re my guest. Stay put! I’ll go.”

Bff!Muichiro who has your coffee/tea/preferred beverage order memorized, and if you don’t have a usual, then he still knows your moods and somehow always picks the perfect drink to satisfy you

Bff!Muichiro who can’t promise to not watch the next episode(s) of your favorite show(s) without you, but is happy to rewatch them to your heart’s content

Bff!Muichiro who scoffs when mutual acquaintances—sometimes even mutual friends—poke and pry at his friendship with you, because he knows where he stands with you, and that’s what matters most

Bff!Muichiro whose tone turns icy, impatient, rude when pushed too far, “Leading me on? I choose to be their friend, and they choose to be mine. We know how we feel, and that’s enough.”

Bff!Muichiro who could write entire essays in your defense, but finds that cutting to the chase is generally more effective

Bff!Muichiro who refuses to stop nudging you with his elbows, tickling you to get his way, offering you piggybacks when you’re lazy/sleepy, because, “I don’t care about rumors. I care about you. If you’re happy with our friendship as it is, and I’m certainly happy with it, then what’s there to change?”

Bff!Muichiro who hugs you for as long as you want—for as long as you need—regardless of whose around

You told him once that Your hugs could cure practically anything, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t live up to your standards

[superspoonie24]

Anna: *is neglected and abandoned for majority of her life, starting at like age 5*

Anna: *runs into someone who actually sees Her and notices Her and doesn't act like she's invisible or a burden for the first time in over a decade*

Anna: hey sister I desperately want to notice me and will accept even the tiniest bit of attention from, here is a man I just met that is, *checks notes*, actually talking to me. I'm going to marry him.

Elsa: that's ridiculous! You just met him.

Anna: ~~yeah and in the few hours I've been with him he has talked to me more than you (or anyone else really) have in like 13 ish years~~ Oh haha yeah but like... I Know him and he's a prince!

Elsa: No. I don't approve.

Anna: ~~who the hell are you to approve??? You. Don't. Talk. To. Me.~~ Oh. Uh. Well can we talk about it? (Definitely is not desperate and terrified to lose the tiniest shred of a shred of a relationship she has with her sister) *Reaches out for the attention and affection she is so starved of*

Elsa: *freaks out, reveals giant secret, runs away*

Anna: holy *shit*... I gotta go make sure she's okay!! ~~I gotta make sure I don't lose her.~~

Anna: *goes after Elsa and gets shamed by another stranger for A going after her and B 'falling for a man she just met'*

Elsa: *rejects her more and tells Anna she is better off without her*

Anna: *heartbroken cause the last member of her family, the person she idolizes and so desperately wants love from, Keeps Rejecting Her.*

Anna: *leaves heart broken ~~and heart frozen~~ to go back to the only person this whole night who has shown her undivided 'love', attention, care, affection*

Hans: *is an asshole out of no where????*

Anna: *heartbroken AGAIN because she really can't trust anyone and maybe it's her own fault she's so unlovable.*

Elsa: *Is gonna be killed*

Anna: *is on the brink of literal death and when it comes to going after the stranger who is actually pretty nice and kind and likes her for her and treats her with respect vs the person who she has longed for her entire life even though she keeps pushing her away, she goes after her sister because despite it all she still wants Her love, hell just her Attention above anything else.*

The movie: This is true love 🥰

Me, definitely not projecting my own life onto this at twelve: Hold up this hurts a lot and I relate to these characters wait-

My sister: This movie is mine and only I get to sing and only I get to love it cause it's mine. But if you sing it perfectly and never mess up any of the words or notes I guess I'll let you watch with me.

Me: Really???? 😍🥺🥰🥺😍

...

Okay so this was going to be a critique about how Anna is seen as naive and dumb and it is used against her the entire movie without ever acknowledging *why* she's like that. And how a lot of fans don't see it either. But then it really just turned into me trauma dumping lmao.

But seriously. I feel like most of the neglect and abuse talk ends up being towards Elsa cause she visibly struggles more. And Anna hides it because she has to. Her parents were so worried about elsa that they didnt have time for her pain too. So it's hidden. But it is most definitely there. And it deserves to be mentioned and talked about.

Also this is a very common situation for emotionally neglected people to find themselves in. They cling onto someone showing the slightest bit of decency and believe it's good and amazing cause when you're starved, you'll eat poison if it might help for just a moment. Cause something is better than nothing. And when the something is bad and hurting, the pain of going back to nothing is worse. So you're stuck with a Hans believing it's what you deserve because of years of neglect and abuse.

But yeah. Anna is just dumb and naive. Definitely no trauma on her end.

Bottom line:

Anna deserves better. In canon and from fandom. And ESPECIALLY from Disney.

[moodr1ng]

i dont usually talk about this bc of The Shame but when i was a kid getting abused by my stepmother some of the ways she was fucking me up was that i was essentially not allowed access to the rest of our apartment outside of my bedroom and the bathroom (which i went in when the coast was clear). i was not permitted to eat meals with my family and had to eat in my room. i could not wash my bedsheets or my clothes as i didnt have access to the room in which we had the washing machine. i had piles of dirty dishes in my room bc i had to wait for my dad to take them out and wash them as i didnt go into the kitchen for fear of running into her. and my stepmother took to hiding the body wash and shampoo (presumably in their room?) after she was done showering, so the only thing i had to shower with was gel hand soap. i was sleeping in months old bedsheets that never got washed, on two moldy pieces of foam one could reluctantly call a bed, with bugs in my room, my hair was matted, my clothes smelled, i smelled. whenever i went back to my moms (who didnt know any of this as i was forbidden from talking about my dads home with her) she would yell at me and berate me for how disgusting and lazy i was.

i still feel dirty. i think ill feel dirty for the rest of my life. in my mind i am covered in some invisible layer of grime and stink that i never can really wash off. no amount of scrubbing can ever make me clean again. my relationship to hygiene has never healed from the abuse. i have entirely integrated the idea that i am a fundamentally dirty, lazy slob and that everyone can tell, everyone can smell and feel it on me and is just too polite to point out how disgusting they think i am.

i say this cause i really want to make it explicit where i stand on shaming people for their personal hygiene. at points in my life even when i had the opportunity to shower comfortably and regularly i didnt, bc after years of miserable conditions it felt so fucking daunting. id have to get in the shower and scrub myself until my skin was raw and stung under the water to even feel like the washing was actually doing anything. and the second i stepped out of the shower and started to dry myself i felt like the invisible film of dirt was building back up, like it was oozing out of me constantly and the only time i could hold it in was when i was actively cleaning it. pair that with the long despondent depressive phases of bipolar disorder and, yeah, i havent always showered regularly even when i technically could.

i dont fucking want to hear about how disgusting and gross you think i am/was or people who have similar issues are. so if youre gonna reblog a random ass poll i made keep your shit off my post. do not say anything about how disgusting you think people are if they dont wash themselves to your standards. just shut up ok.

[sorcerous-caress]

Just a lil check in to say hi and see how you’re doing. So how are you doing? I hope you’re doing well! Are you itching to write anything in particular lately?

-ex lurker

I'm doing alright, I'm learning how to manage myself and emotions better.

I have been more leaning towards sfw works recently, I still like smut as the next guy, but there are so many other ideas I want to explore first.

Angst, fluff, drama, character studies especially. I want to show more attention to Laezel, Minthara and Karlach. I feel like I've been focusing on Gale, Shadowheart and Astarion too much recently.

Oh but also dragons, and alternative universes! I've been storming a couple prince Wyll ideas but haven't came up with anything yet.

Thank you for checking in anon, I saw your message too and it made me feel better. How are you doing? I hope you're doing well and all, i hope you're staying safe and healthy.

Real Life events and vent below.

I've been preparing for my niece's birthday, i got he the most beautiful cinderella dress I could afford. Which isn't much but It's something that I hope she likes. Also I never realised how hard it is to get your hands on bts merch until 5 of my nieces suddenly became hard-core fans of them.

My dude it is a major struggle, each time I want to order something then look away for a second, it's suddenly sold out.

But it's eating me up, how my niece gets a safe and happy birthday while newborn children are being taken off life support and forced out of hospitals in Gaza. That video of the kids playiny and sliding on the gaint hole in the street previously made a rocket. I don't think I have the right to call myself human anymore, it's beyond horrific what's been happening to them.

Funny thing is, I have always known about the Palestine conflict, we literally read about it in our history books in schools. I remember being in middle school and going home to ask my parents about it, i remember the teachers tearing up when bringing it up. I remember the clear discussions of the horrors happening right now there.

And all of that was softened up and watered down as much as possible for a kid to comprehend. Much like I had to learn about the major world wars, the Palestine history and the many many treaties that were broken by their colonisers took a whole chapter or more out of the school book.

I can't even begin to describe how important and how aware the middle east is of Palestine even before the current genocide intensified. It's straight up embarrassing and shameful how little the current middle east cares or sends aids for Palestine. After all that history, after all those talks and promises.

The rich ones are pandering to the west for a speck of dust of acceptance, ereasing their own culture just to become nothing more than a vacation spot for foreigners.

If you're wondering why the Palestine people have no-where safe to go to, is because all their arab neighbouring countries closed off their borders to them. So they can deep throat the coloniser's dick more I assume.

As much as my own country is corrupted and fucked up, the one right thing we did is that we never recognised Palestine's colonisers as an actual country and never will.

I learned english as a kid on my own to be able to read uncensored books, Agatha Christie ones. The arabic translations clearly had a lot of plot holes and cut content and it frustrated kid me endlessly.

But I didnt realise it would come at the cost of my own culture. I feel like It made me no better than the arabs who suck up to westerns and put english on a pedestal. The same goes for the rest of my generations, we are all young adults and we couldn't have been more disconnected from our roots.

That's why the westernisation of the middle east was barely met with any resistance from us, the young adults who were supposed to be the front line of defence against corrupt governments. The second I saw them fully celebrating Christmas and using fake snow to pander to the west is the second I realised just how doomed we are. They don't even actually celebrate anything, they're playing dress up with someone else's religion and history.

We have our own celebrations, even our own calander with our own new year yet it's forgotten just for us to act out what we saw in Hollywood and Disney movies.

Our own princess, fairytales and folklore. Yet I still bought that Cindrella dress for my niece.

To add insult to injury, the closet thing to a traditional arab princess dress in that store was akin to a caricature of a bellydancer dress.

I'm not better than them. Indirectly or not, all of our combined actions had a hand in dooming Palestine, in dooming our brothers and sisters.

And Christmas will come, and the same arab countries who didn't allow women the legal right to drive a car until 2017-2018, would celebrate it alongside the world. Pretending it's one of them, pretending it's not like its "terrorist" sister countries so please please pick me up foreigners!!

[almalvo]

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E7 "Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad"

[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.] -------

man the intro just continues to remind me fucking ingenius the Star Trek introduction was period. Love it. forever. and always. wonder when we will see these scenes play out when we will see that big plant tentacle monster from the intro or when we will see the two hands touch etc

things are flowing so fast rn in burnham's evaluative speech at the start of this episode. even though not much has happened. and no offence but, i do not think shes earned this kind of audience? because theres like. still hardly much to like nor connect with these characters? imo. idk. idk if its just me, maybe it is. but i definitely dont really have much investment in any characters yet. actually, the one character i resonated MOST with was mega-sized space waterbear, no cap. (oh mossie i miss you i hope we can see you again) trek party lol. ok ill say this one thing DISCO has a lot of filming inconsistencies between shots. like, lets say burnham's hands will be up holding her face. but then next shot, her hands are down at her seat. then switch back and her hands are back up. that sort of thing. happens a lot all the time. stamets. happy drunk. lovey dovey. cute. ash and burnham? idk. every time lorca says saru, i just catch myself thinkning "sulu" cute mega-organisms gormagander wow. space whale sounds. amazing. is it prego. … who ANDORIAN?/ IS THAT AN ANDORIAN OML ITS HELMET SO CUTE oh nevermind its scarier. MUDD. but yes that is an andorian helmet wow so cute give me one. stella.

MUDD is so vengeful. what interesting implications for TOS. DUDE WTF the end of DISCO. man a time plot huh ok lets see how this goes a remix of stayin' alive runners said left. let me guess. burnham will later predict them coming from behind her. and then be like "huh. why did i already know this" there is something off about the delivery of these lines from so many of the actors lorca's actor feels pretty grounded same as saru which is good. something feels so weird with the line delivery. idk if it sthe actors or if its the way the filming is that just makes it feel less effective acting?? idk i think its cuz theres a lot of organic quality missing in a lot of the actors getting a decent amount of screentime? i dont want to sound rude ofc i just feel something is off yeah. man. a time jumping Mudd. now THAT'S terrifying. Poor stewart. he didnt deserve to get thrown. "went his own way"? u sure you didnt kill him. Mudd's actor is also pretty grounded. the lines roll off well and not awkwardly. Nice Stamets. this is too fast. Muidd gets shot in the back and then Stamets has a comedic line delivery that seriously needed a pause or soemthing, but we switch imediately to ending the scene and returning after what felt like a commercial break or seomthing.

yeah the pacing of the show is just RUSHING so much like WHY. it just eats up so much of any weight this show couldve had in even its smallest things. i know i sound so critical but its built up a lot and its already the 7th episode into the 1st season. Stamets actor feels pretty good too but i think its just awkward screenplay and awkward lines and weirdo af pacing/film style that ruin things. they need to let this show BREATHE more. it s such a shame they didnt. maybe not the best director. also too many zooms. the show feels so experimental, but i dont know if necessarily in a good way. i sound so pickky but bro im saying what im seeing,. ok sorry this just now, stamets talking to burnham when he says hes the one "missing from mudd's timeloop" is actually pretty bad. bad editing super inconsistent between shots and why are there like a billion camera cuts? we dont need THIS many angles to talk about one single conversational exchange no offence. this scene was pretty bad. weird screenplay, weird delivery, bad editing stamets even sounded like there was a shot with his mic off i could hear the environmental reverb why is this happening. with such a beautiful visual and constume budget such as this. also yes. that is A GORN IN LORCA'S OFFICE. oh my god that means maybe the gorn from SNW DO look humanoid fully matured. ugh cant wait to see what that means. mudd is so merciless. man lorca died like a bug so many times. wtf. why is stamets out of focus- WHAT. WHAT IS THAT. THE FUCK WAS THAT im sorry no this wasnt funny cuz it was supposed to be funny in that way im sorry but just now

when stamets tells burnham that "shes never been in love" at the party in the time loop, she says in the WEIRDEST most… sry ngl, badly acted type way, replying "why would you say that to me" that i had to actually PAUSE the episode and rewatch that again to confirm what i saw. just finished the rewatch of this one scene. wtf was that. sorry that was so poor. its soooo awkwarddddd. and flatttt. what is this ADR though. stamet's ADR in this episode is some of the worse. also sorry that lens reflection of that one green party light that hit right onto burnham's face during this exchange, its almost as if i HEARD the cameraman's thoughts going "ah shit this stupid light" as the camera moved downward to get as much of that green spot out of the direct line of her face. okay, Mr. God-Named-Stamets. is that an apron that isnt a one sided dress. dance in the hallway. ok. this wa so fast. this tone feels very not in sync with the course of this plot? where did this dance thing come from. i think im feeling such a dissonance rn when stamets is on screen because he feels like hes NOT stamets. idk its like, i get that charcters/people are hopefully more than 1-dimensional, and that we get to learn about them more as time passes, but like this kind of feels like stamets just wasnt properly developed and we the audience just didnt get enough proper exposure to him to recognise who really is his person? if that makes ANY sense to anyone. ok no offence, this episode probably is the most trash in terms of script. harry mudd, time loop, saving the ship from destruction, but then also stamets is an omniscient constant, while also flat cardboard af awkward love revelations between ash and burnham?? idk. maybe in a different writers' room, this coiuld be made compellingly and cohesively. but right now. this episode is NOT. IT. im sorry so why does it feel like its deterioriating a bit. the show had me in the beginning cuz how freaking DIFFERENT and UPGRADED it looked (gorgeous btw) compared to ALL the series that came before it in Prime-Timeline. but no matter how i fought it, my emersions been finally broken by the consistently questionable factors that keep loudly making themselves known in this show. too frequently bad deliveries from actors weird af editing bad cinematography even my great efforts to ignore it all and benefit of the doubt, it was too much. which is, based on everything ive ever watched ever, a BAD thing. also, oml lorca is so small in this episode - which actually i like. he feels so insignificant in this episode haha, small fry dying every single time. also i hope i see more creative deaths in this show, cuz everytime someone dies is them dissipating in dusty colour. come onnn, we can do better than thattt.

also just fyi, understand that i am NOT advocating for a super "serious/dire" star trek, weve had a bit of that in random episodes thoruhgout the franchise and moveis too - so no, i also absolutely love silly mad crazy trek plots too, but like. DISCO i think is probably handling this in a way that is the worst ever in Star Trek so far, even among its whacky insane moments. I am keeping to the series and going to stick it through all the way to the end of course. but yeah, i was never here to just be some blind non-insightful talking head that just admired this show unconditionally. if you thought so, then you should try again. i will say whats good, but likewise whats bad. and right now, the good things are things that i have already said, but the bad is really kicking up a storm right now. captain mudd. amazing. its so off-balance, this show. some deliveries are great, pacing is great. but then its like so sporadic and everywhere too often etc yes. delivery is REALLY weird and super weak in too many scenes. idk. maybe construction of the show itself is just weak in too many areas. so so strange. with a show that LOOKS genuinely this good. im just so perplexed. the shows construction feels so amateurish i guess? in not a very good way. "nobody beats Mudd, huh." a businessman is correct, lorca. these camera zoomes are really distasteful. like lorca over here making some consistently really solid deliveries, and the stupid camera cuts and zooms and unnecessary movements just cheapen it all. it makes me so angry. this show needed a better writers' room and better directing. and terrible ADR. its liek they use different mics every 2 lines. i can HEAR the discrepancies, even without my audiophile headphones.

im so mad and sad by this. because the threads of the issues i was sensing since episode 1 are now kind of unforgiveable. i can no longer look over them. so im here really speaking about them in this reaction this time. no offence it kind of feels like nothing much happened this whole episode. and im literally 3 minutes away from finishing this episode. im sorry im not impressed with this ending in how mudd was caught. i feel like this show didnt know how to quite handle the crazy nature of Trek. Bad editing yeah. i keep consistently seeing how for example Mudd is talking, and the camera cuts to a different angle shot of the same line delivery that has to get repeated and edited in, but i can physically see Mudd's jaw still moving in speech despite his dialogue halting from the ADR of the other camera shot. THIS ^ stuff KEEPS happening. and it shouldnt. its super BASIC stuff relatively speaking. and there wasnt this much of an obvious degree of this problematic editing in even older series of trek. so strange. 'i hate how it lifted me out of immersion of this show, this list of issues. you know, id LOVE to see ANY scene of conversation withOUT the stupid slow-creep zoom. listen, i KNOW that this is very often used everywhere in media, but it doesnt mean "always'. in this case DISCO does it poorly. ok episode over. i am not convinced over ANYTHING that just happened. its a 44 minute long episode, but it felt brief as fuck. it didnt feel like it had much substance at all - and im NOT talking some kind of "moral message" shit - things do NOT have to have a real message to be good. and this episode was actually not. it felt so criminally underwhelming. like ok, stamets had augmentation that let him resist the time loop.... and? so what. so what about that. nothing significant happened except apparently blossoming love story between Ash and Burnham, which- Ash x Burnham?

bullshit.

bro that was terrible. and they got zero chemistry no sorry no. get outta here.

burnham had more chemistry with the fucking captain than ash. (i dont support either one dw.) ok. well. ima continue the trip ofc. but mmmmm stupid peripheral things are really not doing this show justice. i fear that DISCO is a show that couldve been great but just wasnt even good. bad writing, bad directing, bad editing, bad delivery - i am far from being sold than I was in episode 1. i gave the excuse of the first episode feeling so brisk because it was an exposition….. but the show quickly tired out my benefit-of-the-doubt with how i see that ep 1 wasnt so much a mere exposition, but that its kind of ACTUALLY what this show IS. i cant lie. im p nervous for this show. SNW was fucking good, so i just hope that this show improves to SNW's level where all these questionable issues resolve at some point, more or less.

guess i'll see.

[theawakenedstate]

The Awakened State’s CORE MISSION - What I stand For 💃⬇️

This is What The Awakened State's CORE MISSION IS ABOUT

This week I deleted over 900 posts on my website that were highly misaligned with my brand, my message, who i am and what I stand for.   If you found me from google from these pages - let me just start by saying - that was who i used to be, but it's not me today. That was Ashley the free mentor from Tumblr who just wanted to help whoever would listen. The Ashley in the past really just wanted to be heard - that's why I kept over 900 posts from tumblr so I felt Seen with my website. I think I kept these pages to feel safe in my Brand and Company as a whole. But they are filler like extra iceberg salad - you don't really want to eat it - but the filler still tastes good lol. But These New Age Messages are NOT who I am. Even though these posts on dream symbolism, past live reincarnation, Q&A numerology and Astrology facts that I probably didnt even write(in 2015 copy and paste astrology was a thing) - have absolutely NOTHING to do with Who I am now and precisely what I teach. They are fun to talk about with me but it's NOT what I truly teach and Keeping that knowledge from you is of disservice to both of us. After deleting 900 pages - I have never felt more CLEAR about who I truly am, what I actually do, and Who I am here to help. Let's just clear the air here. The Awakened State is about teaching others how to navigate the changes of spiritual awakening from bringing a practical edge to spirituality. I teach others about the power of Energy work, Emotional Mind-body Healing and learning how they can manifest/co-create their lives from the inside out. I hold strong to standing for a company that supports the individual to Feel Emotionally Empowered through these life-altering changes of Spiritual awakening. The Awakened State strongly stands for creating a world where we No longer suppress our Intuitive abilities but embrace them in our lives. The Awakened state's core mission is to help others Master their Energy and their Mindset so they can Attract in the life they desire to live, not the life they settle for. Spiritual Awakening is truly a catalyst point to Learn how to Emotionally heal yourself through understanding your energy body and Embracing your Intuitive Power to Manifest a life you are obsessed with. We do not stand for "High vibe only" fake positivity and strict new-ageism concepts but rather Practical Spirituality. The Awakened State strongly values teaching, inspiring and educating on bringing Practical Systems to Spiritual Principles so we can apply them back to our personal lives. One of my deepest Specialities is bringing psychology into Emotional mind-body Healing work so you can learn how to reprogram & rewire Energetic Patterns in your Nervous System. We do this through the use of Subconscious reprogramming alongside of Energetic Mindset work. One thing I teach differently is how to identify patterns and how to shift those patterns so you become an energetic match easier. This is a foundation in many of my programs at The Awakening School. I teach others that they hold the power to Heal themselves from the inside out so they can MANIFEST from the inside out. Our Values strongly incorporate that you feel: Empowered by our Articles, you feel hopeful of true Change, and Confident in knowing that you hold the power to shift energy & Attract in Solutions for any area of your day-to-day lives. Without Question - I know what it's like to keep beating yourself up for having negative thoughts, after negative thoughts, thinking you're doing it all wrong because you're not positive enough to manifest or even "be spiritual". Therefore the spiritual community has you feeling shamed about your emotions and human-ness. Thinking the Ego is bad and that who you are with your emotions isn't enough to succeed so we shrug it off, push it down saying, "just be positive and you'll get what you want"  or my favorite "Just relax more and you'll start to allow more"   B. S. If manifesting was as easy as "relaxing" and "feeling good" then I'd be Attracting What I wanted every time I orgasmed.   nice try...lol But don't you see we're missing something here? But What if, there is a better way? If there's anything I've learned on this journey it's that often 'high vibe only' culture has you in a state of unconscious resistance and emotional suppression that often leaves you feeling more defeated than joyful. This can be sooooo harmful to your self-esteem and your personal state of well-being. I truly believe in sustainable manifestation, built from a regulated nervous system and a Solid foundation of Aligned Belief work. Most people in the industry of law of attraction barely scratch the surface when it comes to the REAL Inner work, which is why so many people become frustrated by the Law of attraction and healing work. Wouldn't it feel so much better to create your desires from a place that feels Safe and empowered? wouldn't it be so more inspiring if you began to naturally raise your vibrations so you feel motivated into aligned actions of your heart - instead of forcing yourself positive and pushing yourself into frantic action induced with pressure? How would it look to imagine that you could co-create your life from the inside out, from a place that feels confident, empowering, and truly safe in your body? That's what I wish for everyone. It's what we stand for here at The Awakened State. ___ This is a conversation we will talk more in-depth on in the New Podcast episodes Coming Tomorrow. Awaken & Manifest Your Best Life Until then, I am formally inviting you if you would like to work deeper together.

My signature program, The Soul Aligned Manifesting Circle, helps you Attract in the Deepest Desires of your Heart through the process of sustainable manifesting.

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[gunmetal-ring]

living for your hellcheer commentary! if you ever feel like it i'd love to hear your headcanons for the relationships between chrissy and her mom and eddie and wayne pre-s4

Aw ty 💕 as i continue to clog up the hellcheer tags you will learn that i will take any and all opportunity to ramble my thoughts lol. So thanks for the platform! Buckle in!

I think chrissys mom isnt the cartoonishly evil villain that we see/that we often read abt in fic. I dont think shes ever screamed "FAT PIG!" at chrissy or anything like that. I think the hallucinations were purposefully exaggerated to show that they werent real.

I think that the Real Torture (when vecna was actually killing chrissy) was the accurate representation - sugar-sweet voice for what seems like an innocuous message from non abusive mothers would be "i know you like this outfit and it doesnt fit so im adjusting it so it does fit so you dont have to throw it out bc i love you!".

Except we know that bc chrissy is bulimic and has past trauma, that her mom likely killed her w a thousand cuts - making hurtful remarks abt her weight, her figure, the way her clothes fit, the food shes eating, how she mom was so thin and beautiful at chrissys age and how she wishes chrissy could experience being thin and beautiful, shaming her for her diet, the sizes she has to buy for her clothes, etc. So they were clearly intended to be controlling and abusive but all coated as sugary sweet innocuous concerned-abt-your-health etc whatever. Which is why in the Real Torture when her mom turns around, her mom's face is monstrous - she looks and sounds like a loving mother, but actually theres a monster inside her. Chrissy doesnt necessarily hate her - most victims of abuse dont outright hate their abusers, theres usually an extremely complicated relationship of hate and love and resentment and guilt and hope etc etc which makes it all even harder to naviagte - but she internalizes her moms words and hates herself. Also why her dads eyes and mouth are stitched shut - he refuses to see and listen to the real message that her mom is sending and he refuses to do anything abt it.

I do think that had chrissy lived she would have gone to college/moved out and eventually overcome it all but unfortunately we wont ever see it 😕

--

As for wayne and eddie:

Obviously wayne loved eddie and i agree w the actors remarks in his interview. I think bc hes Wayne Munson and Eddie mentions that the Munson name has already been tarnished by his dad it means that wayne is his dads brother. So i think eddie was probably around 12 or 13 when he permanently moved in w wayne, bc he was living w his dad long enough for him to learn to hotwire cars instead of fishing and playing ball. My guess is his dad was in and out of jail for most of his life and wayne probably took care of him while his dad was in jail.

As for his mom, i know a lot of ppl probably think she ODd but im split on that. On one hand i dont think hed sell the rly hard shit if she ODd - and we know he doesnt just sell weed, ketamine is pretty intense, so my guess is he also sells acid, shrooms, maybecoke, etc. If she did OD i dont think hed sell heroin/whatever she ODd on. Plus i dont think hes ever been to jail bc he said he didnt want to end up like his dad, and heroin/crank/crack/etc is absolutely hard, life ruining shit, and also guaranteed jail time. So i can see how maybe she ODd. But I also can easily see how maybe she just up and left one day without a word. Eddie clearly has a hard time connecting (except w Chrissy lol) and opening up, and i can see how fear of abandonment might play into that - which also might be a contributing factor in his guilt bc in a way he abandoned chrissy in his trailer (he did the same thing that his mom did to him, etc).

Either way, she wasnt in the picture when wayne took him in, and i also think maybe it was 13ish bc obviously he connected w chrissy at the talent show and 8th grade is usually 13-14 so if a cute girl was nice to him during a traumatic time in his life i can see how that lasted w him. So yes wayne took him in even tho he couldnt rly afford to - pretty sure his trailer is only 1 bedroom and wayne sleeps on a camp bed in the living room, and so he couldnt afford to move to a 2 bedroom trailer. I definitely think he knew eddie sold and that eddie probably contributed to expenses w some of that money. Waynes gruff so i doubt he was all hugs and kisses but i think eddie definitely knew wayne loved him. I also think that while eddie definitely loved him - and wayne KNEW eddie loved him - eddie also maybe had complicated feelings towards him given the circumstances under which eddie moved in w him. i wouldnt be surprised if he resented him a little bit bc he associates wayne w his dad going to jail and his mom bouncing, vs seeing him as a savior, and wayne not being able to rly afford to take care of him, etc. Not logical and i think he knows its not logical but to a kid going thru trauma the feelings arent always logical (see chrissy/her mom) and get complicated

Eddie was also kind of self centered when it came to wayne. He didnt bother to clean up after himself, he left wayne to find chrissys horrifically tortured body by himself, didnt ever ask The Party to pass on a message of apology/thanks/anything to wayne, etc. He also probably didnt offer to give wayne the bedroom as he got older even tho the camp bed probably killed waynes back by now and eddie was at school while wayne slept and apparently crashed at ricks often enough to warrant a mention, and I wouldnt be surprised if he slept in his van after a night out, etc. Im not totally sure on that, bc i can also see him trying to offer up his room and wayne being like "no its fine" but idk im split.

I think had eddie lived he would have moved out at some point but still helped wayne out no matter what by getting a legit on the books job

[hexfane]

oh shit i forgot tumblr is the PLACE to BE for oversharing. if you see this but dont care no you dont

absolutely insane rabid chomping at the bit madness in part because *hypo*manic episode and in part because genuine life changes nd trying to unlearn bad habits :~[

i am so fucking sick of holding myself back but i am such a dumb kicked puppy for no reason

i eternally am waiting for the shoe to drop. it always feels like im one second away from getting my heart ripped out of my chest and every day i feel so much shame when i Literally Didnt Do Anything. believe me if i had anything to actually gaf about i wouldn't be willingly expressing shit. but im always like Theyre Going To Get Me. who queen!! or Theyre Going To Find Out. find out what queen!!

why am i ashamed of being happy. why am i ashamed of being myself and doing things i enjoy.

why do i have fucking catholic guilt when i wasnt even raised religious lmao

and especially with big ol neon letters why am i ashamed of the fact i want to be known and cared about? ive internalized the fact im undeserving of care and that im doomed to never have it i dont even start and any attempts to even find piece in the segments of reality i set aside for myself makes me feel like im fucking evil. i get so mad at myself for expressing genuine emotion like actually fucking angry like im doing something wrong and people are going to hate me.

i also have a nebulous counter in my head that decides when i have been Too Free and that Now Everyone Will Hate You. Why Did You Do That? You Have Fucked Up. and i only know when i reach that point after ive done it, and it can be triggered by something as simple as liking a post or literally done absolutely nothing

just kidding i know why! it is the neurodivergence. i feel like the way my brain works makes me exist in a manner inherently incongruent from other people and that i am like a fucking creep for even trying to relate to other people, like i am a subhuman for the way i think and feel and live

i left my job recently bc of dumb petty teenage drama that made me have a massive meltdown at my Grown Ass Age and i think that also really fucked my shit up even further because im like borderline agoraphobic about talking to other people now? or being in situations socially that arent fully normalized to me? like im pushing through it and doing New Things TM but it is pretty taxing mentally and i think im on the butt end of that where now im just kinda empty feeling

also if you read this and are psychoanalyzing me yes i already know i suffer from paranoia/delusion issues and thats a big part of my shit ik. i dont do anything to exacerbate any kind of psychosis because for as much as i meme about it i am a pretty fucking conservative smoker and drinker. i eat my wheaties and shit, body has no reason to make me so crazy, and yet.

just know if i ever talk to you or interact with you in any way i have already accepted the fact that me doing that will make you think less of me just by default and fussed over it internally already before making the decision.

did you enjoy the spectacle, if u got down here? dw i dont mean that in a mean accusatory way i like reading these too, i'm nosey. thanks for listening

[chihirolovebot]

hey venus! i hope you've been doing well these days, and if not, i hope things get better for you soon! remember to drink water, eat something, and take any meds you need to if you haven't already!

hmmmm, maybe for the ask meme... how about yttd for the fandom? or if not, maybe shin tsukimi for the character? ( i ask mainly bc i am. torn between multiple fixations but he's been on my mind today )

take care of yourself, my friend. i'm rooting for you <3

-☀️ sunshine

hi rei!!! im doing good recently, thank u for asking :* i also hope you're taking care of urself otherwise i will appear wherever it is that u live and make u (threat .)

your turn to die:

favourite character: SARA and SHIN they are everything to me and i mean it when i say i cannot pick between them <3333

least favourite character: i actually dont dislike ANY of the characters excpt the ones ur supposed to hate. so maybe anzu or hayasaka since they were the most boring 2 me.

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): ransara, keishin, alishin, naoreko, ryojoe :D there r in fact my only ships and keishin is a bit of a stretch.

character i find most attractive: keiji and it makes me SICK!!!! or kai or alice or reko they r also so fine.

character i would marry: kai househusband material.

character i would be best friends with: sara PLEASE i wanna be her best friends she's so cool.

a random thought: i kinda hate when people compare it to dr but i am also a hypocrite bc i will take any given opportunity to scream about how much better than dr it is so.

an unpopular opinion: i really dont like joesara romantically.

my canon otp: hm, i guess ryojoe? ransara was the closest thing to being canon but they werent quite i dont think.

my non-canon otp: see above :(

most badass character: SARA by a fucking mile it is not close.

most epic villain: god. midori. chews live wires.

pairing i am not a fan of: joesara. um reko and nao with anyone that isn't each other. and obviously all the gross ones like keisara, shinkanna, sarakanna etc. i beg u seek therapy.

character i feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): not screwed up really? but anzu and hayasaka definitely didnt get much time to shine and i think its kind of a shame.

favourite friendship: joesara :((( also alice and reko.

character i most identify with: nao!!

character i wish i could be: probablyyyy sara.

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

how i feel about this character: how do i even fucking begin. he has it all. the skrunkliest most pathetic man ever. the wet cat of all wet cats. and yet. he is so brilliantly written. he is so tragic. he is a total fucking loser. he is smarter than everyone else. he was doomed from the start. he will win the game. he is everything to me. i want to punch him in the fucking face.

any/all the people i ship romantically with this character: keiji, alice and kurumada.

my favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: him and sara's rivalry is SO GOOD.

my unpopular opinion about this character: i do not have one. he is everyone's favourite and that is correct.

one thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: i want to know more abt his relationship with midori to be honest.

favorite friendship for this character: kanna :(((

my crossover ship: dont have one i fear.

[littlx-songbxrd]

Regarding what you said about there being parallels between Kierak and thomastair, I honestly think there are parallels between a lot of the relationships because CC tends to hit the same beats in her narratives. But yeah there's definitely a lot of parallels between kierark and thomastair but it's interesting how the narrative seems to have more empathy for Kieran then for Alastair gee I wonder why?/s

But the fandom really disliked Kietan back when TDA was still on progress. Like I remember being in the TRENCHES fighting for that man at age 17. And I know there are definitely people who still don't like Alastair but it seems like a lot of the hate towards him has calmed down now, and that has nothing to do with the narrative imo but it's still very critical of Alastair. I think people may have gotten slightly better at empathizing with marginalized characters? But then again, I only really interact with people who are pro Alastair so I might kind of be in a bubble.

Anyways I'm sort of tempted to say Kierark are better written then thomastair but the kierarktina arc is basically over now whereas we still have one more book of tlh.

Sorry this all over the place lol.

Yeah I can definetly see that CC reuses a lot of similar plots and ideas (nods to most (to not say all) of her leads falling into the forbidden romance territory) but this was, actually, somwthing i hadnt quite connected. Which is funny kierark was one of my favorite parts of tda. I loved their dinamic, and when kierak became kieraktina dhjfhfjdkdkfkd

GEE I WONDER WHY HUH. I WONDER WHY

Ok so i came very late to the tda fandom so most ive seen are the REMNANTS of kieran hate. Now no one really talks about him which is a shame. But I can see why the fandom would do him like that. However, Alastairs character in the fandom is kind of debatable. Like Alastair fandom is only relatively chill on tumblr. Yeah you see an anti every once in a while and perhaps some extremly bad takes but nothing too bad.

Outside of this plataform its chaos i promise. Back when i initially really got fixiated on tlh, like now I can say tlh is just a relative obsession and interest but back when chog cake out no that was a fixiation for me that was almost 3 weeks of sleep breathing eating any and all content on tlh.

But I didnt have tumblr so I had to get my sources,,, in other places. Every book review I watched of tlh treated Alastair horribly. Every instagram blog literally dragged his name through the mud. I literally only came to see Alastair in a positive light when i downloaded this hell site 😭

I went back to watch some reviews when choi came out and they were AS bad if not worse. Maybe im just annoyed but god if i have to hear one more white person talk about how insignifucant alastairs racial issues are i will throw smth.

Ive seen reviewers go as far as call Alastair homophobic for treating mathew badly 😭😭

Anyways i feel like we all live in a buble here cause were chill bit outside the buble they hate his guts and i want to unread that one confession page that said he was hoping he'd die in the first book so they didnt have to deal with him.

Oh no. Kieraktinas arc is way better written and how i see this going

I love thomastair but will admit i love it vecause i basically rescued it from the mess that is their canon. I dont have a lot of hope for chot.