#also sorry this is a long post but I'm on mobile so I can't cut it shrug emoji

[mistymisfit]

So long, Marianne IV

Summary: Reader is a spy working undercover in Gotham when she meets Jason Todd, who despite her better judgement she forms a very close friendship with. This story follows their escape from Arkham asylum, their fall out and the times they run into each other as they get older.

Warnings: mentions of sex (but nothing smutty happens), mentions of past torture and sa!!, also one mention of Jason pushing reader's hair back but that's all that's said, no texture or anything specified.

Word Count: 4,1K

a/n: told myself i'd stop posting this series on tumblr and keep it only on ao3 but whatever, i'm having writer's block so idc

Read on ao3

Masterlist - Mobile masterlist

Your first thought is "what are we even doing anymore?" It's great to have him back in your life, but what the fuck is going on? Ever since you worked things out with him after what happened in Gotham, you started to sneak and meet him in secret. First, it was random hotels until he bought a few safe houses in the city. You never went to the same place twice. The safe houses would always switch after a while, he'd sell them and replace them. Out of the current ones, there was one of them uptown, then the other was downtown, and the third one was near the harbors.

You've been doing this for months, secretly meeting him in the dead of night every once in a while, and it'd always end up the same way. You see him, you get overwhelmed with how much you missed him and cry, then he'd wipe your tears off, and you'd sleep with him and leave. Frankly, you were growing a bit tired of it. He wasn't honest to you most of the time, wouldn't even tell you what he did when he was not with you. It didn't matter how great he was, it was exhausting being pushed away this much.

The first time you met him like this you cried, telling him all about how sorry you were for yelling at him like that, for saying all those things to him and leaving so cruelly. And he'd say he was sorry about locking you up and that he was a jerk- you agreed on that. To be fair, you were both wrong; you put yourself in danger going to Gotham that day, but it didn't give him the right to behave like that.

"Let go of me!" You had screamed when he picked you up, carrying you over his shoulder. "I swear to God, Ja-"

He cuts you off with a grunt before you can say his name. You trashed and kicked, but it was no match against his strength. Using your powers was out of the question, freezing him would only make it harder to escape his grasp. In between you cursing and yelling at him, he managed to walk to the military car so he could throw you into the backseat.

"Is this your fucking plan?" You were yelling as he opened the door "Have you lost your mind? You are giving him exactly what he wanted!"

"Shut the fuck up," He whispered angrily, putting a gloved hand over your mouth and hovering over you as you laid on your back. You looked around to see his men on the front seats quickly averting their gaze from you two. Of course, it was all about questioning his authority in front of them, it was fragile like that. "I don't want you to get hurt, so they're going to take you somewhere safe"

You took his hand off your face before saying "And I thought you were making decisions for yourself. Can't you see you're still his puppet? Just stop-"

"Enough, you are leaving. Now" You watched as one of his hands searched something in his pockets, handcuffs. It almost made you want to roll your eyes.

"Ja- Wait, what are you- stop it" You kicked him, trying to get out of his grasp "you're a fucking idiot, you're so brainwashed you can't see you're playing right into his trap"

"Quit it"

"Quit it? Let go of me!" You shrieked as he managed to bound your wrists behind your back. Then the anger got to you and you lowered your voice before you could say the meaner things you could come up with "You never left Arkham, huh? Figured I forgot a part of you there, left your humanity behind"

"Yeah, I'm a real monster sweetheart" He scoffs, and even over the modulated voice, you can tell the hurt in his voice, how much your words were affecting him. It made you feel bad for a second until you remembered how he was treating you.

"Clearly, you're not the person I thought you were." That's the last thing you say to him before he knocks his helmet against your head, rendering you unconscious so you wouldn't escape and ruin his plans.

You woke up with a killer headache and no idea how long you've been out or where you were. What you do know is that you're laying down on a mattress on the floor, no longer handcuffed and with an ice pack on your forehead right were Jason hit you. As you gradually regained consciousness, you started to check your whereabouts before you could move again. The room was dark, had no windows, and looking at the walls, you realized you were at some old, run down abandoned place. Panic quickly washed over you as you checked the state of your clothing; nothing was wrong with it, and you left out a sigh of relief.

You could hear voices outside, not outside the door but a bit further away. Moving as silently as you could, you walked towards the voices, going down a set of stairs and hiding behind a pile of wooden boxes as you tuned into the conversation a few meters away from you. It seemed to be some sort of weapon exchange, as most of you could make out of what they were saying was about either guns or ammo. You could only see the backs of some of Jason's men and not who they were talking to, but you recognized that voice as soon as you heard it. You took a step back, unknowingly knocking over some things and not being able to react and freeze them on time due to the shock. You'd drawn their attention to you now; neither Jason's nor Harley's goons were as fast as her to react.

"You!" She exclaimed in that high-pitched voice of hers, your heart felt heavy in your chest as it felt tighter and tighter and harder to get the air in and out of your lungs. You could feel the acid traveling from your stomach to your mouth and had to swallow down the need to puke."All grownup, Arkham's little princess!"

She kept talking as she walked closer to you, you shook your head saying no, unable to get any word out of pure fear; it had been years since you had felt that helpless. "Ah, you always healed so fast, not a scar on your pretty face, besides you know...that" Her cold fingers traced the tiny scar on the apple of your right cheek before you weakly pushed her hand off.

Your fingers went to your cheekbone, covering over the area you healed all those years ago, Jason didn't know about it. He didn't need to know about the acid burn scar you would have on your face had it not been for your powers.

"You used to be my cutesy dress up doll!"She laughed, grabbing a strand of your hair and twirling it "Remember when you wore my outfits? You looked so adorable!"

Then you remembered you were no longer tied up or keeping a cover or that you haven't been Marianne for a while. So with any and all the strength you could find, you raised your fist and delivered a swift and highly trained blow to her face. The silence that followed was deafening; the militia men were well instructed and had orders not to let anything happen to you, so they were ready to stop the situation from escalating. Stopping Harley's company from getting involved. She spat out blood and smiled, her twisted smile made your stomach turn once more. But you were free, or at least freer, so you grabbed one of her ponytails and smashed her head to the concrete wall. No longer putting up with the torture she put you through.

"What's wrong?" She teased, laughing through it "Didn't cha' miss me too? Cause I sure did! How much fun was it when I nailed your hand to-"

You let go of her hair only to push her away, making her stumble a few steps from you "Shut up, shut the fuck up!"

Then it's her laugh, that wicked, overly exaggerated high laugh that made you launch yourself again at her to fight her before you're stopped, dragged back by someone. You look up to see his expressionless helmet. He's been here this whole time? Didn't matter as you immediately started wriggling, trying to get out of his hold.

"Heal her" He ordered you, you jerk your arm out of his hand and take a few steps back, almost tripping. What? You looked up at him with eyes brimmed with tears begging to be shed and scared at how much he reminded you of him at that moment. It was like you went straight back to your captors, forcing you to heal and slow down his disease.

"No." your voice came out so low and shaky that you almost cringed at yourself.

"Stop causing me so much trouble and fix her face"

"You will not speak to me like that"

"I'll speak however I want, now do as you're told" He grabbed your face harshly; he didn't like the look in your eyes at all, or the fact that he successfully scared you into doing something you didn't want to. A whine escaped your lips as he gripped your jaw tighter, and only eased up once your eyes lit up. He could already feel the guilt eating him up, but his mind was dead set on carrying on with his revenge.

"Harley get you and your people the fuck outta here" He orders, before giving his men the same command. To leave you two alone.

"Gladly," She scoffs, holding her no longer broken nose "it was good to see ya' again"

"You're working with her?" you recriminated, shoving him and getting out of his grip once she left

"She works for me."

"Don't you dare touch me," you stepped back, raising your arms defensively when he tried to reach out for you "you heard her, you know what she did-"

"I'm using her, it's part of a plan"

"Did this big plan of yours really need her?" You sighed, wiping the tears that fell down your face; again, you found yourself crying over the same thing. Something you thought you had pushed down years ago. His silence gave you all the answers you needed

"Fine, I'm leaving"

"Wait a-" His hand caught your wrist.

"Let go of me," You struggled out of his hold "I don't even know who the fuck you are anymore. Working with her, all of them, you really are just one of the people you used to chase"

He opened his mouth to say something, not that you would know under the mask, but stopped when you added one last thing before you left. "You're just like him, and killing Batman won't fix the shell of a man you are"

Jason regretted what he did, his revenge plan didn't seem as important when he broke down after being unable to kill Bruce. He had him, but he didn't manage to pull it off. He lamented it especially when he needed you so badly to tell him it'd be okay and he wasn't a failure but you wouldn't, and now he'd probably lost that comfort forever due to his own doing.

He thought very differently. From his point of view, he was coming to you whenever he needed a decent sleep. It seemed this was the only way he could get at least an hour of useful rest, he thought fucking you was a way of making you hate him less. Maybe if he made you feel good, then you'd let him get close. It was his very fucked up way of saying he was sorry. This was the routine until tonight when he showed up incredibly injured, talking about some black mask character-- whoever that was. He had broken a few ribs and his nose; his body was poorly stitched in multiple places, and you were sure he had more wounds than those he admitted. It was a miracle he managed to leave Gotham to see you. Despite his insistence on being okay and that he was not in pain, you got to healing him.

"You have-"He whispers, wiping the blood off your nose.

"Oh it happens sometimes," You brush it off, taking the tissue from him. "do you feel better?"

"Mhm, thanks" He nods, cupping the back of your head with his hand and pushing you into a kiss.

"Wait, you should rest" You sighed "I haven't healed you completely "

"I know-" He smirks, kissing you again.

"Jay, I don't want to" You put your hand on his chest, trying to get some distance.

He sighs getting away from you and sitting as far as he could on the couch. Even if he was pissing you off, you've grown to appreciate seeing him in casual clothes. Right now, he was wearing a (way too tight) black shirt, his cargo pants as well as his boots were also black. He'd lost the leather jacket the second he walked through the door of the safe house, the safe house he'd bought to be able to meet you. You knew that with Jason you had to take what you could get, so you cherished seeing him dress like a normal person for the actual weather and not being covered from head to toe. You sigh back, rolling your eyes, and crawling to his side.

"Can't we just talk?" You whisper, tracing circles on his chest and hoping he wouldn't just get up and leave.

"Talk? " He chuckles in disbelief "What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know, anything" You shrug, but a smile creeps up your lips when he turns to see you.

"How was your day at work?" He teases, knowing you wouldn't tell him about that.

"Ugh," You complain, but when you try to get away from him he is fast to grab you and pull you flush to his chest "Jason, is this all that you want from me?"

"What do you mean?" He lets go of you enough so you can put your arms on him to prop yourself up to look him in the eye.

"Sex, Jay" You sigh exasperated "Do you visit me just 'cause you want to get laid?"

He's taken aback by your question; you wanted more from him? Also, is that what you think of him? And on your side, you can't decipher his expression. Sometimes you miss being 16 and knowing exactly what went through his mind. He used to be so easy to read, now it's like he's purposely closing off any and all information he didn't want to give to you willingly. You had your suspicions that he'd come see you just because it was easier for him than letting some random girl see his scars, you even doubted he went out at all for the very same reason. You figured maybe it was easier to let his guard down with you since you had already seen the worst of him and been through the same. Maybe it was just convenient that he was still in touch with his high school sweetheart.

He shakes his head no, regretting giving you that impression. His cheeks blushed thinking he was to blame for it, remembering how he broke into your apartment that night. He intended to apologize, in between his new activity as Red Hood, he'd found the time to search for you in Bludhaven like he was originally meant to before you found him first. He stood on the roof of a building in front of yours for weeks before he actually tried to contact you, going over and over again if you'd even want to know anything from him. Eventually, he grew a pair, missing you far outweighed the shame he felt.

"Shit," You cursed when you saw him standing on your apartment "you can't be here"

He was disappointed by your reaction, yet he knew he should be grateful you weren't greeting him with a punch to his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but you immediately signaled him to stop. You looked around for a pen and paper and wrote down: meet me at the Harborview plaza 3 streets down. I'll get a room and leave the window open for you.

He agreed with a silent nod and left through your window, he made his way to where you told him to meet you. Jason knew he was in no position to question you and ask why wouldn't you want him in your apartment. He clearly knew where you lived, so keeping that a secret wasn't an issue. He expected yelling, cursing; Jason knew you never held back any words when mad at him. While overthinking your skittish behavior, he finally sees you open the window on a seventh floor. Of course, you couldn't have made it easy and asked for a room on the first floor, but then again he was the one taking you to the top of Gotham's skyscrapers so you could marvel at the view when you were 16.

"You shouldn't have gone there, we don't know if they're listening" You explained as soon as he came in through the window.

"I-uh,sorry" He's had months to think about what to say to you, but now that you're in front of him he's at a loss for words. No speech he had prepared came to his aid. "I didn't think about that"

He reaches for his bike helmet, undoing the buckle under his chin so he could drop it and see you. Or mainly so you could see him, maybe it was selfish of him, but he wanted someone to see him, look him in the eye and not be scared of him. Jason wanted to know if he could still count on you for that.

"I'm so sorry," You started to sniff as soon as you saw his face, wiping the tears with the sleeves of your sweater "I never should've said those things to you"

"No, I'm sorry"He finally took a step closer to you, pulling you in for a hug "I'd never forgive me if I were you"

"I don't think you're like him at all, I'm sorry I told you that" Your cries turned into sobbing, and suddenly you couldn't hold back any emotion anymore as you set the waterfalls of your eyes free. It was like a dam broke when you saw him, and everything you've been pushing down was now out in the open and you couldn't control it. He let you cry into his chest, wrapping his arms around you and rubbing your back to comfort you. After a while, when the sobbing didn't seem to calm down, he guided you to sit on the bed. Wiping the tears from your face with his thumbs. Kneeling down in front of you, he told you to take deep breaths, helping you relax.

"Baby," he whispered, kissing your knee over the jeans you wore "I keep fucking everything up with you, can you forgive me?"

You nodded, still tearing up and opening up your arms, so he'd come up and hug you. He does so, pushing your back to the bed and laying on top of you in the process. You're about to say you're sorry again when he kisses you. He stops, giving you a second to tell him to fuck off and looking for a response in your eyes. Lucky for him, you understood his silent question and nodded as your fingers ran through the back of his hair, and he lowered himself once more to kiss you saying, "I'm sorry, I'll never do that again to you"

So with Jason finding himself sleeping and waking up with more energy, your little rendezvous started. He's only realizing now that he has been giving you a wrong impression all this time. He sighs before, in a rare flash of vulnerability, he tells you what he thinks.

"I've been trying to make it up to you," his eyes dart to the floor, he's got every right to still be embarrassed about kidnapping you and what he made you do "make you hate me less"

The closest he's been to opening up like this was that one time when he had you wrapped under his arms, your skin touching his, and the question slipped from his overworked mind through his lips: "Are you scared of me?" You shook your head no, pressing a kiss to his scarred chest as you drifted off asleep. "No, no I'm not. We're okay," you had mumbled in response.

"I don't hate you, Jay" Music to his ears, he even contemplates asking you to say it again

"But you cry every time we meet"

"I-" You don't want to admit he has a great point, besides now that you think about it, this is the first time you ever said no to him "I have my reasons, besides you cry too, does that mean you hate me?"

"No" He defends himself, damn it, he thought he was hiding it well "I could never hate you, I love you no what ifs"

You smiled sweetly; that was what you said to him once. Many many years ago, when he was still Robin, it felt you were both completely different people from that distant memory where you told him "I love no what ifs, Jay". He had laughed then, now you doubted he would ever be that joyful again.

"Come on, you used to tell me everything," You encourage him "tell me something, anything"

"Anything?" He pushes your hair back, and you nod eagerly "You don't look like a Marianne, or a Penny, or any of your other aliases"

"Really?" You raise an eyebrow in fake disbelief, you never felt those names suited you anyways"Does my real name fit me better?"

"Yes," He whispers with his hand cupping your cheek. Even if your situation is not the best or what he'd hoped for when you first met, he's still glad to have you around. Sometimes, he remembers all the dreams and plans he had and holds back from scoffing when he recalls how he already made his world spin around you before you even kissed.

"You know," Now your hand caresses his scarred cheek "my offer still stands, I can try to get rid of your scar if you want to"

He blinks, not knowing how to take your words. Did it bother you? Did it make you like him less? He takes your hand off his face, and with that, he withdraws the hand in yours. Your expressions turns sadder, he can tell, so instead, he opts to deflect the conversation as he usually does.

"Can I ask you something?" He changes the subject, and you nod, allowing him to do so even if it's exhausting at this point "Would you ever want to get out?"

"Jay-" you sigh, knowing where this conversation is headed. You couldn't leave with him, no matter how badly you wanted to. "You know I can't"

"I asked if you wanted, not if you could" He insists, secretly hoping you give him the answer he expects. Give him a sign of how important he is to you, he'd drop his Red Hood persona in a second if you asked. He's learned his lesson after being the knight, and he's been trying to redeem himself by taking out the bad guys in Gotham instead of working with them.

"Of course I want to but-"

"We could find a way out, I-" he doubts but decides to push through "want more than this"

"Hm, you want me to be your real girlfriend?" you hum, your expression softening and your shoulders relaxing as you played with his hair, him leaning into your touch which he finally learned to enjoy. "You'll finally take me out on a real date?"

"Yes, everything," He closed his eyes, relaxing even more. His tone also weakened, becoming almost a pathetic whimper as he made promises to you "whatever you want"

"You'll be honest with me?" You question, your free hand going to the other side of his face, making him look at you.

"Yes, I promise" He replies, holding your gaze "We'll work something out"

"Okay, I'll get you as much information as I can." You nodded, maybe you could hold onto the hope that he'd put his brain and abilities to good use and he could find the way out that you couldn't. Maybe two heads can think better than one alone.

[sixseasonsofodestawithatardis]

🔥?

Okay, so I'm not sure if this is an unpopular opinion, but to me, many of the characters within the narrative of THG are disabled/ have experienced disability in some way! Sorry for how long this post this about to be!

I'll explain further just so others can understand my thought process:

Katniss- Goes deaf in the first book, and whilst that is cured in the 2nd, throughout the rest of the trilogy has PTSD/ trauma, which is a disability/ becomes disabling.

EDIT: Katniss is indigenous (Gale and Haymitch are also part of the seam!) How disability and race intersect is important, too!

Peeta- Loses his leg and has to use a prosthetic, a visible disability, on top of the hijacking and how that affects his mental health.

Johanna- Also has PTSD and severe Hydrophobia due to being electrocuted by the Capitol- to the point where she can't go out into the rain and is used against her when applying to D 13's army. (Not sure if that's 100% correct, but Johanna stans, feel free to correct me!)

Beetee- Again, most likely has PTSD, but also in book 3, due to the lightning ( I think), he is in a wheelchair.

Enobaria- Again, PTSD; I also want to include how her teeth were fashioned into fangs ( Idr if it happened in the book!) But I'm unsure how that would affect her emotionally, physically, medically, etc., so I can't get deeper into that. I've put it down anyway.

Mags- Had a stroke, and her speech isn't as clear as it used to be. Also, she uses a cane, which was taken away from her during the 75th games, presumably because it can be used as a weapon, and she had to rely on Finnick to be mobile during that time in the arena, on top of PTSD or some form of trauma.

Haymitch- Has PTSD (i.e. the bad nightmares), and whilst nothing is said in the book, the alcoholism he has to use to cope with everything has probably messed his liver up. On top of that, the withdrawal symptoms whilst sobering up in D13 were probably disabling, too.

Annie- Has PTSD or Psychosis. She has hallucinations, putting her hands to her ears when triggered by things that remind her of the 70th games or being tortured.

Finnick- PTSD and had multiple breakdowns in D13. On top of the trauma that comes with sexual exploitation, which many other Victors would also have (maybe not the same presentation of symptoms/ coping mechanisms!) if/when Snow forced them into prostitution.

Also, obviously, Chaff, Seeder, Wiress, Cashmere, Cecilia, and basically every Victor is dealing with the trauma and various mental and physical problems after the games, which again are disabilities or disabling!

Non- Victors

Mrs Everdeen- Has depression that renders her mute and unresponsive after Mr Everdeen's death.

Gale- Not stated explicitly, but having to work in the same mines that killed your father, having to then be the one to have to hunt so they survive on top of being in poverty, and then having to save as many people from your district when Snow tries to bomb it would lead to some sort of impact on your mental, physical and emotional health. Also, the whipping he received in Catching Fire would leave a massive injury and be a nightmare for anyone.

Madge's mom- Has constant migraines, which I assume increased after Maysilee's death.

Pollux—He has his tongue cut out and communicates through gestures; this also applies to the rest of the Avox's.

District 10 Boy- in the 74th games, this tribute is described as having a crippled foot.

Those are all the characters from the book who are disabled or become disabled by the system. And I think the fandom forgets that a lot—which isn't helped by the movies erasing things like Johanna's Hydrophobia or Peeta's prosthetic leg. This is annoying to me as many characters, such as Annie, will get ableism thrown their way, yet that person's favourite character will actually be considered disabled- also because I am a disabled woman and having to put up with ableism is a nightmare anyway.

I know we talk about trauma such as PTSD and Psychosis a lot in this fandom, as we should! It's imperative to the message of THG's and the characters of these books! But I've never seen someone explicitly say these characters are disabled; they count as disability representation. And I think if we did that, then

a) We could talk about things like psychosis, PTSD and other traumas these characters experience with greater insight and find empathy and strength within characters we couldn't before and maybe the ableism thrown at the characters would lessen a bit as well.

b) Calling it disability/ disabling on top of the diagnosis would enable us to examine other bits of Panem and see another way it affects people. It would also provide a greater depth of analysis in terms of how we talk about poverty, the games, and other things within the narrative.

Such as how if you were a wheelchair user in the districts, especially D8-12, you wouldn't have access to a mobility aid, so you are either forced to find or create an unsuitable mobility aid such as a cane or are effectively left without aid. On top of this, if they did have a wheelchair (I highly doubt it!) It would be taken away because it could be used as a weapon ( like Glimmer's ring or Mags's cane- also, wheelchairs make good battering rams), so you would be left immobile. We could also discuss how D1-D4 are wealthier and how that affects things like disability and healthcare compared to D7, 8, 9, 10,11,12. Also how D1, D2, D3 and 5 or 6 have the materials or would be the Districts most able to make mobility aids if the Capitol even let them.

This is also a double-edged sword because I know if this conversation around disability within THG starts, there will be many that are going to have some terrible takes. It's going to make my blood pressure rise, and it'll be a nightmare to combat and, as a disabled woman, worse to read. And if this discussion does take off, then I'm gonna need this fandom to understand the three models of disability at a bare minimum! Not that you can't comment without that knowledge at all it just will save a lot of bad takes!

DISCLAIMER- I am just one disabled woman. There are plenty of disabled ppl within this fandom with a different opinion from mine, and I AM NOT AN EXPERT on disability!

TLDR: Many of the characters are disabled and yet face ableism within fandom when they shouldn't. We should start explicitly analysing the series through a disability lens on top of the ones we already explore, but I am terrified by the terrible takes and analysis that would occur.

Thank you for sending in an ask; I'm always happy to answer more! Also, I'm so sorry it's so long. It's probably not what you were expecting for an unpopular take ask. I had a huge thought process for this one, and I really wanted to go in-depth and try to make sure others understood!

Also, I love your odesta fanfiic's and can't wait to read more 🙂!

[pinksilvace]

I really gotta know honest question, why do you like Cars 2 so much? I thought the B plot was kinda interesting but I didn't like Mater, which is rough when he's the main character of the movie

OOOOH OH MAN I'm going to try to make this succinct because there's SO MUCH I could talk about here and I don't want to spend three hours writing this post so here goes.

(EDIT: it wasn't three hours but it's still long)

As an important bit of context, you should know that there was a collection of months last year during which my friends and I would get together for lunches on Sundays and spend a solid two hours talking about Cars lore, and so much of it is introduced in Cars 2.

It's also important to note that I've always liked Mater as a character. I think he foils Lightning really beautifully and that their friendship is extremely natural.

Film Structure

The pacing is decent, the dialogue feels in-character, and there is a clear three act structure. I'd seen enough anti-Cars 2 propaganda to think that it was, perhaps, just a bad film I liked, but it's honestly pretty well made.

I like that the main conflict is about Mater and Lightning mending their relationship and the sub-conflict is about terrorism. Others would call that a plot hole. I think it's interesting. There's something to be said about how the personal scope of the Cars films (because all three of them are very focused on POV) reflects how different major events in our lives take on different meanings.

If the movie was about Finn, it would have a different climax; it would fully be a spy movie. Controversial take, but I don't think Cars 2 is a spy movie; it's a movie that happens to have spy antics. At no point, when faced with an alternative, does Mater think about giving up everything he has to live the spy life.

I also really like that the break-up between him and Lightning feels extremely mature. There's no big fight; Lightning yells at him, as he is wont to do (because he's still a developing character in this!!!! wahoo!!!) and Mater's response is essentially to say, "Okay, this isn't working. I'm being a distraction. I'm going to go home, we can both cool down, and I can give you a proper apology there, and in the meantime, I hope you know I really am sorry." Honestly, it's refreshing.

Funny Factor

I laugh an EMBARRASSING amount whenever I watch this movie. There's always something I never noticed before. The landmarks??? The car puns??? The absurdity of it all??? THIS SCENE???

Maybe it's because some parts of this film have such a serious tone, but my god, there are few experiences as wonderful as watching Cars 2 with a group of friends.

Questions raised about the Cars universe

I could not possibly address them all, but here's a selection of my favorites.

The spy cars can't hold weapons; instead, those weapons are built into the cars themselves. Does that make them body mods? Is Finn McMissile a cyborg by our common understanding of that term?

If so, DID MATER RECEIVE NON-CONSENTUAL BODY MODIFICATIONS???

The existence of airplane security screenings as presented implies that 9/11 took place in the Cars universe.

The pope-mobile rides in a pope-mobile...mobile?

We get more hints about what cars were like prior to the invention of cars, and they all just look like old cars, but I must wonder: did they evolve from wagons?

We see Mater & co travel in planes, trains, and via boat, all of which are sentient. In the original Cars, the only transport option we see is trucks like Mack, which run with the same transport logic as the cars. Are the planes relegated only to certain portions of society? Are the trains relegated only to their tracks? Do the boats live with the sort of infrastructure familiar to us (the audience) and the cars, or do they have entirely different cultural systems? Must they always return to the docks? Are there baby boats? Are they smaller? Do they grow up and thus become different models? I'm cutting this one off here because I know from experience that this line of questioning can go on forever

We hear from Finn's associate that Finn saved him from being impounded, thus confirming a new form of death in the Cars universe. One can assume that some cars break down naturally over time, which parallels both real cars and human beings, and Rod Redline is blown up (another recognizable form of death), but what would impounding be? Execution? Euthanasia? Anyway, I'll just leave this here:

Disability

It's really not hard to say that Cars 2 is a film centered around disability in both of its conflicts. This point connects to each of the other sections above in a lot of ways, but again, I think this is a factor that makes the film very interesting from an objective standpoint. It's not a common thing to see.

The main conflict - that between Lightning and Mater - stems from Mater's behavior and how uncomfortable Lightning is with Mater unabashedly being himself. Now, Mater is very autistic-coded. It's especially prominent when you remember he's supposed to be 49 in the first film (54 in Cars 2) and has bonded in a very particular way with each of the cars in Radiator Springs, all of which act as a very strong support network for one another and especially for Mater, who has no conflicts with any of them despite the "eccentricities" that annoy Lightning.

Maybe folks are bothered by the fact that Mater doesn't have an arc in Cars 2 (or at least not a strong one), but that's because conflict 1's arc doesn't belong to Mater. It belongs to Lightning. The whole point is that Mater doesn't have to change for people to like him the way he is, so much so that Finn assumes he's constantly putting on an act by being himself. It's a bit heartbreaking, to be honest. It also flies over a lot of the audiences' heads; I think many people think Mater was made annoying on accident, but I'm not so sure.

The second focus on disability is a lot weirder and raises a LOT more questions and is almost unquestionably negative representation and is STILL FASCINATING to me. Conflict 2, the spy plot, focuses on "lemons" as the bad guys. They're cars that have been pushed aside by society because they're lower-functioning than the rest. Their parts break more often. They can't drive as far. You know.

So, what do these disabled cars do? They band together and decide to start killing the world's greatest athletes AND make a plot to make electric energy look bad because they all happen to be oil barons. Okay! Wild! Not great! Surely, the "underdog elite" theme hasn't been underlying conspiracies for forever, thus adding a hint of antisemitism to the ableism! Cool! Why? (it's because people are used to hating people in these categories and that makes them an easier enemy for the audience. or something. the writers probably just didn't think this through. it's also easy to miss, seeing as they're. y'know. cars.)

In a way, it's good this is the subplot, since the directors could avoid actually addressing this group and the causes of their motivations by making it Finn & co's business and not Mater's. Even so, it's not a route that anybody would have expected this movie to take, and it's even rarer to see disability represented on both sides of a conflict instead of just one. Imagine if Cars 2 had capitalized just slightly more on Mater's friendly connections with lemons. Would a well-thought out plot line surrounding this concept fit the Cars universe? Probably not, since it's established itself to be about racing, but man oh man do I think about it.

TLDR

One can say that Cars 2 is a bad film if they like, but it can never be said that Cars 2 is a bad piece of art, because boy howdy, it sure provides a lot to talk about.

[doomedbythe-narrative]

did you delete your shinran future post? i liked it so i could read it later and now i can't find it anymore

hey!! yes I did -- for reasons that end up boiling down to not liking how I worded things and making it all seem much more uhhhh negative then I intended to. Sorry about that!

I've been thinking these past few days and if you still wanna know what I WANTED to say but hopefully better worded here you go. Also sorry for any spelling/typos I'm actually on my computer for once so I dont have autocorrect to save my ass. <- can never remember how to do the cut thing on mobile

I think in real life ShinRan would not work out. I want to emphasize in real life, because ShinRan is my favourite ship (despite my occasional dabbeling in Heijshin) and I love them and I want them to work out and this is, at the end of a day, a story about them and their life and how much Shinichi loves her. I do actually consider the manga a lovestory first and foremost, because Shinichis main motivation is to return to Ran and to live a happy normal life with her -- normal crossed out because I doubt they'd ever be able to live a normal life, but you get what I mean.

In univerese I imagine they'd work out similarly to Yusako and Yukiko, where yeah there's a case every other day, but they still get to spend enough time together to make up for Shinichi having to get up during dinner to safe the day or whatever. Shinichi actually returning to his life as Shinichi and a potential reveal where Ran realises that huh he never actually did leave her alone and had good, legitimate reasons for his "absence" -- that would probably really work in their favour. If he actually gets his shit together and works with her/lets her tag along (in case he ends up being a detective like her dad) that'd be a hugeee plus (bodyguard ran :sideeye:).

If he ends up going the police route with a semi regular (???) work schedule and a DUTY to leave, even during, perhaps, dates or whatever, I think Ran could cope with that as well, knowing how her dad used to have to leave her mum and her admiration (?) for the policemen/women in her life (<- so long he doesnt go down the Furuya route and/or joins one of the many, many organisations that would probably beg him for help once the BO is taken down. Like I think Ran would probably be over the whole spy/really dangerous people are after my life all the time thing and straight up beat him up if he tried to.)

In real life though I only see too real possibilties: either Ran gets tired of having to wait for him all the time, before the reveal even happens, (which has,,,sorta?? happened in canon already?? like its a joke at this point, and she does have the patience of a saint but lets be real) -- a girl can only take so much, and having to watch her sit around and wait for him all the time hurts even as a fan. Like at some point she'd be fed up with his shit or, if she somehow managed to hang on, Sonoko'd be fed up with his shit.

Like someone in her life would go: you know what? screw this and make her move on and they'd be right to do it too. Again, love Shinichi, like that's my special guy and whatever, but I don't think Ran, or anyone for that matter, could be happy in a relationship like that. Option two is...well...unlikely to say the least becuase, lets say the reveal does happen before she calls it quits and the BO gets taken down and Shinichi gets the therapy he needs -- unless he stops working as a detective, I honestly don't see them working out.

Finding out that your childhood best friend and boyfriend almost died, multiple times all while trying to protect you and lying to your face over and over again to do that is STILL putting himself in danger again and again??? I don't think Ran would like realistically be able to sleep every time he'd be out solving cases or whatever. And I dont think Shinichi would let her come along either because his main motivation is to protect her and she's already gotten in danger during "normal" cases before. AND SHE WOULDNT WANT TO KEEP WAITING.

So. Either he quits (which I don't see happening, not for lack of trying on his part but rather his ability to attract danger and also his sense of justice wouldn't let him I think) or they call it quits for their own sakes.

But this isn't real life so idc shinran on top lmao in my head they get married and live happily ever after

[strawhatsoraya]

see, THIS is why I am so patiently impatient because the way you understand Sanji is the exact way I do too!! I can't help but notice the way he's just so full of love and care and I love that in characters, when they face horrible situations but still treat others with love and kindness – bonus if they don't expect it back. Like cmere my baby boy, I will shower you with all the love YOU DESERVEEE TT.TT

I'm super super excited for this fic, so don't even apologize! I know it will be worth the wait, so take your time and trust me to come scream in your askbox when you do finally put it out <3

also, I'm curious if you're also writing the Zoro and Ace prompts I gave? no pressure tho, I know you said you might not do every prompt and I'm already over the moon that you're doing the Sanji one, I'm just curious about everything like how many wips you have going on rn 😂

uni is great!! I have exams coming up in October so this is rush period to finish the syllabus and start prepping >< how's things over there for you? anything interesting going on that you would be okay sharing? <3

- 🍥

(p.s. if my long asks are overwhelming, just let me know, I'll try to cut back haha~)

HII~! I'm sorry for the delayed response. I just got my laptop charger last night. My dog is a terrorist and likes to eat my chargers when I don't pay attention to her.

That being said, I haven't been writing cause I've been mobile. ;~; I know a lot of people write their fics on their phone but for some reason my brain likes a bigger screen so I can see where I'm going with the story. I go back to read a lot because i have bad memory, and want my prose to read fluidly. *babbling forever* But I have the weekend! So i'll be working on it bit by bit.

I have not started on the prompts you sent me yet but I do want to do that Ace one because I think it would be a quick little short exercise to flex my writing muscles! So I'll be doing that one this weekend while working on the Sanji slow burn.

I love the Zoro one you sent me....because it seems like so much fun LMAO And I love messing with Zoro but that one is going to be LENGTHY. Because...I am obsessed with putting Zoro in difficult situations. So that one will take time too.

I do have a Soulmate AU request for Zoro someone sent that's cuuuute. I may do a lil short thing for that too. So I have many WIPs. I should make a list and put in my pinned post? Idk whoever is interested lol.

I do not miss exams ;~; I've been doing better! My health is touch and go, and we had that Hurricane scare (I live in Florida) but so far the coast is clear? Good luck with studying and your exams <3 although I have a feeling you're doing to do great.

(no they don't overwhelm me lmaooo i am a long winded person this matches my energy)

[thedreamyperidot]

Very much new to tumblr, so I'm not entirely sure how all this works yet. I don't exactly know how to respond to reblogs yet so bear with me. First off, your ramblings are totally fine, don't have a problem with it at all. The reason I'm responding to you is to explain my perspective on the game and how it was handled. This mostly concerns you calling the devs lazy. (Note: I don't fault you for thinking this, nor am I upset about it. Sorry if this ends up being a super long reply lol)

I'm not going to go deep into the details of my life and who I am, but I think it's important to know that I've been taking game development classes for about 2 years now. I'm not an employee of GameFreak, or the Pokemon company, so I can't give any definitive answers on why the game came out the way it did, but I am almost certain that it isn't because the people involved were being lazy.

I'm not exactly sure how to best explain this, but from my experience with the game, it seemed like the team behind it genuinely cared about the project. The art direction completely shifted, pokemon are much more detailed now, there is an overabundance of things to see and do, and the core game is actually really fun. Character designs are great, the writing is well done, and there are so many creative ideas at play here.

Now if that is the case, why is it such a mess from a technical perspective? There is the chance that their game engine needs an update, and there is also the fact that this is their first fully open world game, but I don't think either of those are the main culprit. The two potential reasons why I think the game ended up the way it did is either a lack of time, or a lack of money.

First off, let me explain my reasoning for time. Breath of the Wild was the first Zelda game to attempt an open world. It's development started not to long after the release of Skyward Sword in 2011 with a planned release date in 2015, but got delayed to 2017. This left that team with a development time of 6 years. The dev time for Scarlet and Violet was presumably 3 years, with SwSh dlc, and Legends Arceus being developed at the same time. When you are making an open world game that has a strict deadline, some corners are definitely going to have to be cut. This deadline is set by the Pokemon Company to keep sales up while pumping out more merchandise.

My second thought is that there is not enough money going around. Before anyone says that Pokemon is the largest franchise in the world, yes I am aware, however, Gamefreak doesn't get to decide how much these games are funded; the Pokemon Company does, and they also have to balance out things like the mobile games, merchandise, the card game, the anime etc. Gamefreak only gets a small small portion of that cut. Because of this, they can't just quadruple their team size just to pump out higher quality games quicker, because The Pokemon Company wants to turn a profit.

As unfortunate as it is, this stuff isn't completely in the hands of GameFreak, and as such they don't really have much control over it. This is mostly speculation on my part, but it is a fairly educated guess. Sorry for the long winded post, but I think that the devs get treated quite unfairly by fans who think that they are the sole reason that the games won't improve in quality.

I hope my own rambling at least gave you some insight on game development, and it's many challenges and I hope this helped you understand my point of view on the subject a little bit better!

oh my god! yeah maybe saying lazy wasnt the best way to go tbh, it was 2am when I made those tags so my word choice wasnt the best (Also why I mentioned how if you disliked the tags you could let me know sjdhjfj)

I think that the points you make are completely true! Game Freak mightve cared a lot for the game but due to factors out of their control the product ended...like that. It's honestly such a shame as someone who was a huge pokemon fan since they were 8, seeing the series suffer due to capitalism has been incredibly disheartening.

Thank you for this ask! I appreciate your thoughts in this and I understand my wording might not have been the best.

[witch-hazels-musings]

Hey there Hazel! I've found myself in a bit of a..predicament. Recently, I decided to revisit the new account of a writer whose old account I'm currently following only to realize that I had been blocked on their new account. Confused by this, I sent them a message pointing it out and apologizing in case I did something to upset them (i.e spam liking since they are one of the few authors I've come across to not exactly be fond of that, and I've been guilty of such in the past) but then I realized I had only interacted with their new account once, which made me even more bewildered. So I decided to ask what another author may have thought about this and they said that it may have been because I have a "blank blog" and that I shouldn't reach out to anyone to ask why I've been blocked (keeping in mind, I never did ask why. Just apologized.) because it can make someone uncomfortable and they "don't owe me an explanation for protecting their own space" which I completely understand. It is never EVER my intention to make anyone uncomfortable.

I had not the faintest clue that a blank blog can be seen as..offensive somehow? In reality, I had been building the courage to start reblogging and even possibly writing one day, but I've been moving at my own pace since I'm a generally nervous person in almost everything I do. Just recently I've been quite proud of myself for being able to send in asks/messages without being as nervous as the first time (I was an nervous wreck that time) but now because of this situation, I feel like I've moved 10 steps back. I've been overthinking this for almost the entire day and it's honestly extremely overwhelming since on one hand "wow, I can be blocked for a blank blog?" And the other "wow, now I've upset 2 of my favorite writers".

This has been weighing so heavy on my mind that truly, I feel quite deterred from interacting with anyone because of it but I want to keep trying since one day, I would like people to read my stories and I wouldn't want reblogs or anything in return, just to know that people are content with my writing. You are the only person that I've thought about reaching out to since you're so understanding and give amazing feedback and I hope to be as mature as you one day(once I get past my anxiousness).

TLDR: In case of anyone being in the same boat as me, do you have any advice on publicly writing and handling the anxiety that comes with putting out that first piece? I'm deeply sorry for the ramble and hope I was as clear and concise as possible. (And as you can see this whole thing was exhausting to the point that I'm not bothering with any anonymity)

This got a little long so read more below the cut! (Also I'm on mobile so I'm not gonna italics below... because ...work)

I can't imagine the confusion of returning to check out an author you love only to find out they've blocked you. Especially if you aren't sure what happened to cause the block.

So you've asked a question here, but your comments are of a different issue so I wanna answer both

There are so many reasons why a blog might block another. I've seen all sorts of rules posted, so I want to explain some perspectives as to why. --

Don't spam like :: some people get overwhelmed by notifications, others believe it'll lead them to being shadowbanned (this isn't true, idk why people think that), lastly - and in my opinion the most important - likes do nothing for creators. They are nice, but they don't help creators get their work seen

I know you said your working up the courage to reblog and interact, so think about your blog as a little scrapbook that you want to save and look at later. That's what Tumblr is.

Creators need your reblogs or their posts die. That's it, that's how Tumblr works.

Ageless and blank blogs :: these are more comfort level for creators. They are different person to person. Ageless is scary for adult vs minor interactions, and blank blogs are often bots (spam accounts) - so some blogs block all of them

My advice is make your blog your home before you go out into the world..it's your safe space, your happy place, so make it how you want!

DNI/BYF :: DNI (do not interact), BYF (before you follow) are great things to check out when first encountering a blog. It'll outline the rules of the author and it's possible you did something on that list that they didn't like (it can be hard to know, so check for those before interacting)

These are just a few reasons why, and I know it doesn't tell you what happened but maybe it'll bring a little background.

I'll also say that while people are allowed to set their rules, of course, still I'm sorry you were treated the way you were when figuring out why. No wonder your nervous to interact with people. Some of the interactions I've seen are ... Kinda not nice.

You're always welcome here to practice and grow more comfortable! I'm happy to help and encourage you!!

As for your second question, honestly, you just have to go for it!! If you've written something and you love it, you have to rip off the band-aid and post it.

See how it goes and learn from everything around you. I made plenty of mistakes when I first started so ask if you get lost, be open to feedback if you've made an error, and stick to your values ♥️♥️

Check out my pinned post on my blog for some writing blog 101 guides if you want more info!! And reach out if you need something.

Here's another thing, if those blogs are not going to give you a chance, there are others that will and who want you to succeed. Shrine bright firekeeper, you got this 🔥🔥

[drawnaghht]

So! I think I've figured out how to tag both the leosagi and leochi ships.

Since this is mainly a BLOG and not just a random social media page, it will be easier for me to organize the tags as if this were a more traditional blogging site. So I will be trying to keep the tags as few and as relevant as possible.

I'll be mainly using YuiNardo / yuinardo from now on for just the Yuichi Usagi/rottmnt Leo ship, and stuff like my own fanart. it's specifically "show x show" for me (Yuichi x Nardo, bc those are their unique names in their respective shows xD) and not some of the fan OC stuff

leosagi for the general 2003 Miyamoto Usagi/Leonardo ship but maybe also i.e. crossovers where ppl draw all the versions?

katanashipping also for 2003 leosagi? like I guess I'll decide based on how specific it gets (edit 1.05.23) definitely about 2003 leosagi, since that's where it originated from

I'll use 2003 leosagi when it gets more specific i.e. fanfic recs or longform comics which I wanna find later

Rise Leosagi for the 2018 versions that people have made their own, based on the Miyamoto/Leo ship (lol this might be difficult to retag, cuz I'm not sure what I've tagged with what anymore)

Sliderbunny for people's own versions of rottmnt Leo and (both romantic and platonic ships, cuz there aren't as many posts for this anymore)

and I guess Leochi for something more specific? like that's been the tag now for Leo/Yuichi but I'm not sure where it started from so idk how to use it but I guess I'll find out when I see more stuff in the tag lol. might use it just for reblogs/fanart but I’ll see

I can't remember any other names so those are it for now. I probably won’t use the longer names like Yuichi x Leo, Miyamoto x Leonardo etc just bc I find it tedious to use that many spaces in tags when tagging can be sorta annoying to do on mobile and then fix later on PC. I’m more of a “tag and go” kind of person and I like my tags to be easy to write.

like im sorry I write so much (I don't enjoy writing lenghty things) but i legit need to tag like an oldschool blog occasionally bc I ENJOY finding stuff on my own blog later. it just makes sense! it is so confusing going thru multiple tags for the same thing when it could have a singular tag. or a single new tag for a specific use. and I've forgotten to do that after using social media so much for so long lol

anyway this isn't that important i am just chillin and remembered that I thought of this and needed to post it so I wouldn't forget.

more related random thoughts under the cut!

Thinking of that, I guess the tag clogging starts to make sense, considering how much people are more used to the "tag clouds" popularized by twitter and instagram and social-media-like sites before those (the sites inbetween blogging and web 2.0, maybe, but didn't really use those as much so I don't remember either) + the confusion about what the og leosagi was (+ maybe general tmnt fandom confusion over various versions of media for the franchise)

lol it's gonna take a bit long but I'll reorganize the blog more once I have a bit of time on the side from other stuff. now it feels nice that this blog isn't actually that big yet. I don't use sideblogs very long usually and it's my first time actually making anything TMNT related for this long, so it'll be interesting seeing where this blog will go in general. like how it's probably been subtle that while this userhandle/blog started as a tMNT sideblog, I actually have started blogging more about Usagi Chronicles now bc I like the show. and idk what else I'll post if I have time but I will probs keep it as a reblog blog anyways!

I try not to write long blog posts on tumblr anymore but I think the whole "leosagi-leochi tag clogging" point brought up in the "Why do we ship leosagi" video is also just a good point abt how we don't really treat blogs like blogs anymore. every sort of behaviour online has become so influenced by the want to make it trend or have it at least be read at all ("social media" aspect of online behavior now) that even stuff like ao3, a fanfic site, will have tags like "AO3 algothithm, PLEASE be nice to me" when sites like that don't even HAVE algorhithms. it's interesting to think about but also a bit sad on the side because that "tag clouding" does seem to be the only way for some works to become noticed on the above-mentioned actual social media sites. this almost makes me miss sites like deviantart and blogger because things always felt more centralized and easy to find vs twitter, insta or occasionally even tumblr.

ANYWAY

lol all this just to organize my thoughts on ship tags

if you've read this far, lemme know if there are any other tags ppl use? or are there any other types of tagging conventions we should bring back i.e. mashing the names together?

[aelaer]

This is for the assumptions thing. *sherlock steeple hands*

Seeing as how you claim Stephen to be your favorite blorbo, I’m willing to bet you have a lot in common with him. Probably the oldest sibling. It’s hard for you to make relationships (platonic/familial… any relationships) but once you do, you’re incredibly loyal to them. Very protective of them. You stick to your morals and beliefs, so basically being stubborn. You probably went to college right after graduating high school, but instead of something science related you went with art. You’re detail oriented for sure, anyone can just glance over one of your fics and see how much research goes into it. You’ve said in your Wong fic that you’ve worked in customer service. As someone who also works in customer service, there’s a certain type of patience that kind of job requires. You’re on the west coast, I’m pretty sure.

You like photography. You’re interested in different cultures and like to travel a lot (possibly for your job?) You’ll try just about any food, especially in other countries. (I know from an ask post you tagged me in that you don’t like spicy food, though). Despite liking movies/shows, you’re not the type to watch something simply because there’s a lot of hype around it. Your preferences in whump suggest you’re the type to help people who genuinely need it, but will stop if they’re aren’t even attempting to take care of things themselves. This is me going out on a limb here, but I’m thinking that perhaps your parents aren’t that affectionate, either with each other or with you? That tends to be common in people who like angst and either heavily like/dislike romance.

Also you’re in your mid/late 30s, so ;) is preferred to 😉

Oh this is great. Excellent layover fodder. This got long but I can't figure out how to do the read more cut on mobile, sorry!

Eldest sibling: Yes. Eldest of 4. We thankfully all get along wonderfully. Don't get to hang out much together because both of my brothers' jobs are very demanding/have holiday work at times - and of course I'm missing Easter this year xD

Relationships: Not really. Very close to my family, always have been. Have the best parents in the world. (Totally missed the mark on my parents haha, I tell folks in Discord pretty often that I'd lend my parents out as foster-parents were it possible). I have to *stop* my parents, especially my mum, from over-hyping me to people xD I can't have my mum read any of my works because she'd tell *everyone* about this wonderful story I wrote and I absolutely do not want the neighbors to know I write fanfic. And she legit can't help herself. As for my dad, he's spent the last 2 weekends with me helping me fix things around the house and helping me clean my garage of my neighbor's crap, and we can talk about almost anything (the only thing he refuses to talk about is anything regarding sex which is pretty hilarious because he gets all blustery if I casually mention something around it and he changes the subject). He's a great dad. Very lucky to have them both.

Friend-wise, it was harder in my youth for sure, but I have always been tenacious and managed. These days it's easy to create them on a superficial, acquaintance level - it's harder to be more in depth due to lack of energy or time. My greatest in depth friendships in my adulthood have all stemmed from online interactions because it can be hard to find nerds in the wild. I'm not a huge fan of superficial small talk that is prevalent with many adults "in the wild" (gossip about kids, neighbors, and the gym in my experience) so finding people that are just *interesting* to talk to is the big key. I know a lot of stuff about a lot of topics and finding conversation partners that have the same breadth is challenging. My coworkers are more interesting- but they're all over the US xD So yeah if everyone was just in the same area that'd make it so much easier.

Morals: I don't think sticking to your morality is a bad thing as the word stubborn implies 😜 flexible morality can lead bad places. I do stick to my guns though. Always up for a philosophical debate about moral conundrums but I call something out if I think it's just wrong - or I certainly try. I haven't been in a situation where doing so would put my life in danger so I'm not sure what I'd do there. I hope the right thing.

College: I'm an art major. Don't regret it.

Work: My customer service stint was blessedly only for a few months; they were trying to train me for the (slow) manager track and I noped out as soon as I could xD. Most of my work in HS and college was as a tutor, which was significantly more rewarding.

Area: Greater LA! Born and raised. 5th generation on my dad's mom's side too (Potato famine refugee), which is stupid rare here.

Travel: I wish I could travel for my job. But with working remote I may be able to make something out of it in a couple years. I think they may be up for it; it's a young company run by millennials which makes the difference. All the travel I've done in my 20s was through making connections with others in my youth and getting invited to stay places, and then teaching English abroad between jobs 5 years ago. And after that I finally started earning an actual decent income which meant I could save up for trips (like this!). That said I also had the support of my parents which helped make it possible (they didn't pay for the trips except one ticket in my early 20s, but I could fall back on them if I needed to which made a big difference).

Self care: Hit the nail on the head. I am the type of supporter to give links to resources in a person's area that is within their income (even in the US there's a lot of free resources, just takes a bit of digging). If someone decides not to help themselves to get out of the bad spot they're in by pursuing these resources, I withdraw. I can only be emotionally invested if people are actually trying - going to free counseling, going to work agencies, etc. No one that I know of here on tumblr is *not* helping themselves by pursuing resources to the best of their ability, so this applies to no one here. But I have had friends in the past that were unable to push past their mental barrier and I eventually ran out of emotional energy to give them. This likely comes from my mom who worked herself up from abject poverty, and my own struggles in my youth where there was a lot of struggle and pushing because my brain is a wee bit different. So I expect folks to try and make the calls and work through the problems. It's okay if it takes years - but you gotta try and keep pursuing and can't give up no matter how hard the going gets. (Note: this is presuming you're physically capable and have enough mental sound-of-mindness for executive decision making, which I do think is still like 99% of the population). I *strongly* recommend a support outlet if you don't have one - online or in person. There's a ton of communities on reddit for folks in tough situations that can help, to start. (Also note that it's very different on what you can do depending on where you are in the world, and that I'm very aware of.)

I find that a lot of people who like angst just like the genre due to finding characters overcoming their struggles very interesting. I don't think parental affection has anything to do with it personally, as I've met many people who adore romance who have absolutely awful parents. As for romance itself, I think my biggest issue is its oversaturation in media and how romance is emphasized to be more important than close platonic (found family) relationships. This happens in fanfic too and it's just annoying. I was significantly less annoyed with it in the LOTR fandom back in the day when they were even - so yeah, it's 100% about the saturation and lack of balance.

(Also romance is a legit boring genre outside of comedies, haha)

[mushibashiraas]

🛒 I JUSR REALIZED HOW AWFUL AND ROBOTIC I SOUNDFJDJDJ LIKE. i come back after posting the ruggie fic and redoing my theme only to drop a to do list and dip againdjsjdjs ah. uh.

so life update ig? eh. i can talk more about my chronic migraines too since the life update is mainly about themfjdjdj oops. BUCKLE TF UP BC THIS'LL BE LONG (still dont know how to add the "more under the cut" thing on mobile tumblr. too lazy to get out my laptop)

this whole week has been insane! context: my migraines are triggered by bright light, loud sounds, motion-sickness-games (i.e. genshin, Identity V, etc.), weather pressure changes, rainy days/nights, storms, and dramatic temperature fluctuations..... but mainly the last four.

anyway. this week had the first and the second triggers. (and towards the end of this week is supposed to have the last trigger. yay!) one of the things that happens (IF i push myself to power through and "stay conscious" — more on that in a bit) is that i faint. like. not "faint for a couple minutes." nahhhh! i go out for like 10-40 minutes; normally the max is 20. but occasionally, a 40 minute episode'll occur and those are the scary ones.

on tuesday, i had a doctor appointment with my cardiologist pertaining to said migraines and fainting. while waiting to check in, i passed out and fell (i was standing at the time). and the staff and nurses were worried i hit my head so they called for an ambulance to drive me across the street to the hospital ER. i was there all afternoon and almost all night. i finally went home at 11pm. i'll spare yall of the more personal details (what tests were done, the overall experience, etc). all i'll say is that there's a reason why i hate hospitals and needles.

but the visit was long and tedious and terrifying and painful. i cried several times, as well as fainted a few more times between when i came to just as the paramedics arrived and a little after the technicians performed EKGs, etc. [like they usually do whenever someone is first admitted to the ER]. those fainting episodes were only a few minutes tho. not long at all. don't worry!

*sighs* anyway. that visit defined my entire week tho bc i ended up missing a day of work on thursday and a korean language class on wednesday. still felt the usual symptoms (most likely the aftermath) like dizziness, nausea, a heavy, sluggish feeling, soreness/headaches, loss of eyesight, etc.

hope this explanation helps??? i'll get back to writing and gaming soon. aaaaa i have a guaranteed yelan to get ready for anyway. heehee

EDIT: i forgot to add that yall shouldnt worry too much! sorry if i scared yall! these migraines and fainting episodes aren't manageable yet. even tho i can go to work sometimes, i cant drive, take horseback riding lessons (i used to take them), and go to/continue college,,,, i've had them since 2013?? 2014?? and am on medication for them as well as going to a neurologist and cardiologist who are both monitoring my condition and trying to help me and get them manageable so i can do all the aforementioned things i said i can't do.

also, it's not as uncommon as i seem to make it to be. several celebrities (look up Ben Affleck migraines) have chronic migraines, as well as several families/people/co-workers also have or have dealt with chronic migraines and passing out due to them. my own mom and older brother — altho they aren't biologically related to me — also have bad/chronic migraines. my family actually make jokes about my migraines and say i'm a walking barometer lol if anyone lives in the northeastern U.S. text me and check if a storm is coming. lol i can most likely tell you; if i migraine than yes. if i don't than no. lol /j but all jokes aside,,, again. don't worry too much for me. ok? i'm still functioning even if it's at low-HP/hu tao levels (a little genshin/gamer joke/comparison for yall). i'm still shino/em, someone who is so in love with jamil and xiao and rindou that they'll devote all their time and resources to taking care of them. heehee! ❤️❤️

[whatimdoing-here]

Me being a whiny bitch about clothes under the cut.

Wait. I can't do a cut on Tumblr mobile. Why. Love making a post on mobile and then getting on a computer to add a cut.

Sorry.

Going to the symphony in a couple weeks. Thought I'd get a couple outfits to decide between.

So I've decided I don't like high rise pants because they feel so much like full panel maternity pants, which felt ultraclostrophobic to me. Also make my long legs look even longer.

Also, I keep buying dresses every couple years thinking I'll like wearing one this time. And then I don't.

So here are the outfits I bought.

🤷‍♀️ I was going to return one but I'll probably keep both and just make a game time decision. The dress shows way more cleavage and whatever than I've worn I'm awhile. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Idk anyway done rambling.

[ladambell]

Feelings are hard.

I've heard it said before that if you continue to like something ironically for long enough — a silly pop song, a movie with bad acting, an ideology, what have you — then it becomes an unironic appreciation of that thing. I think the same might hold true for adulthood: pretend you're a grownup long enough, and you become one. Tick enough boxes in the "responsibilities" column, and the rest — the ennui, the debt, the dread, the back hair — it sneaks up on you.

There was a time in my life that if someone near me was playing a video game, I was there watching them and trying to convince them to let me play, no matter what that game was. Now I'm often either too preoccupied or too burnt out to play games with my own kid. Live service games where you play with or against real humans intimidate me, and mobile games are stuffed full of inspid ads for even more insipid mobile games. Sorry, tangent.

I used to run a podcast. I had a Twitter alt account where I posted silly bits of old cartoons. I even occasionally went out with friends! Madness! Now I get excited by new clothes, appliances, new toiletries. I look forward to working on broadcasts of high school football games — for the money, sure, but also because I get to hang out with people from my last job that I dearly miss.

So all of that... that's how I've been feeling lately. With my thrice-weekly commute, work, cooking, chores, errands, and oh yeah, sleep... it feels like I have little time left for anything else. And with the confluence of those precious moments of free time, a tight family budget, mild social anxiety, and a more-than-mild addiction to social media, it's not hard to see why my interest in hobbies, conversation, and even recreation have gone completely by the wayside.

But now I'm struggling for a sense of identity, because so often it feels like all I am is a tool completing a series of tasks. Filling a space like an extra in a TV show, adding texture to a background without really contributing anything.

What do I even DO anymore? My job definitely serves a purpose in my organization, but it's hard to see anything outside of that. I don't see any product at the end of the day, something I can point to and say "I MADE THAT." When I was in a creative job, even a news editor, I could still point to a piece I cut and say "I MADE THAT" and feel proud of myself. Now, as long as the place isn't burning down and my inbox isn't blowing up, I can't get that feeling anymore. Pointing at a schedule and going "I MADE... sure that... there were... ⁿᵒ ᶜᵒⁿᶠˡⁱᶜᵗˢ" just doesn't hold the same sense of satisfaction for me. And what do I have to show for that, you know? I don't even have anything from my current job I could show to another potential employer and say "I MADE THAT." All I'd have to go on would be whatever praise my current boss has for me, and she barely even knows what I do.

I used this analogy when I gave a presentation to my current team a little while back — this quote from Futurama describes my job perfectly:

So I mean, sure, I get the occasional "attaboy" at work, and it's nice to be appreciated, to have your work acknowledged. But again, words are cheap and no one cares how much money you make. I have nothing of value to show for the time I've spent here so far.

Alicia astounds me. She has her job, AND she does a lot for the kiddo, AND her scout stuff, AND at least two friends she regularly chats with, AND she handles all the bills, AND SHE EVEN READS. Like, books. She's amazing. As useless and milquetoast as I feel sometimes, it's a wonder we're still together. I think the moments I feel surest in myself are the times she boosts me up — when she tells me about how a parent chatted her up at a scout event and asked her how she manages to do everything she does for scouts while also balancing a full-time job, and Alicia praises me: "I have the most wonderful husband, who supports me and helps with our kid, and takes care of so much of the house stuff..." Even now as I type it, I start to tear up. More than being appreciated, it's good to feel necessary. To have a real purpose. To be a pillar for someone else. That's why I keep doing all the adult things — because I know if I don't, I'll be hurting them. Hurting her.

I consider myself a very private person; I don't open up to people without seriously getting to know them first, and I'm fairly antisocial — I really only make friends when I'm stuck with other people in some situation I can't escape. If I were on my own... I'm not sure I could've made it this far. Despite having a degree in mass media, I'm still convinced I wouldn't have gotten the TV job if I hadn't been with her — her old co-worker's husband worked at the TV station, you see. He put in a good word for me. I don't know, I have very few friends and no clue how to network.

I have no idea where I'd be now if it weren't for her.

When he and his brother Justin announced that they were retiring from their jobs at Polygon in 2018, Griffin McElroy said:

It does not matter how happy your work makes you if work is all that there is.

So I guess if I have any sense of identity right now in my life, it's as a supporter, a provider. Life isn't about me, and whether I make things or not doesn't matter all that much. What matters is the family I support, the love I help create. That's more important than a hobby, at least for now. And this feeling of emptiness isn't forever, it's temporary.

I still like video games, although I don't have nearly as much time or money for them as others apparently do.

I still have ongoing games of Scrabble and Words with Friends with a trio of regulars (that I rarely ever talk to).

I still jot down potential Only Connect questions every now and then in the Notes app on my phone.

And I think maybe someday I'd like to find a way to do some more painting. The process never seems all that special at the time, but the results are usually pretty satisfying.

[galactidiot]

Okay, I don't usually make vent posts, I usually try to keep my personal life private, but I'm so pissed off right now and I wanna post something

(CW: Long rant ahead, business and work related, read if you want or scroll on by. I'm on mobile right now where formatting is nonexistant, so sorry that I can't cut the post)

So for those who aren't aware, I am currently a senior in high school, and this is gonna be the last holiday season with my family before I graduate. My dad's a contractor working with the government, and they just started a contract with a new company this month. Now, this company has already given us the middle finger when it comes to insurance, which is bad considering we have a lot of medical expenses, but that's not why I wanna commit a felony at the moment.

My dad, with past companies, usually gets a decent amount of vacation time. He likes to work a few extra hours per week, so over time he accrues extra vacation time. He usually takes most of, if not the entirety of December off for Christmas. (He's a really big family guy, we tend to do stuff together a lot for the holidays.)

This new company? Eight. He has eight vacation days. Until JUNE.

IE, he's not even gonna get a full week off for Christmas, because if he wants to help at all with college prep and graduation, he has to sacrifice it from his family time now. Did I mention his vacation time is also his sick leave?

Now, I'm not blind, I know there are families that would do anything for the kind of vacation time I'm complaining about, and that I'm speaking from a place of class privilege. But, at the same time, this is my last year home with my family, and my dad deserves better for how long he's worked, how hard he's worked. He doesn't deserve to be so depressed over how little off-time he's getting.

I've seen some tiktoks lately (I know, ew, but hold on) from a business owner talking about how we can do better, and some companies are doing better. She was talking about how her company gives massive amounts of paid leave, one of her employees taking four months off to take care of serious health issues. That's four months of paid leave.

If companies can start caring about their employees, realizing that these people have families, and actually *gasp* want to spend TIME with them??? Then maybe their employees wouldn't be so depressed, so stressed out.

My dad deserves better, my family deserves better, and whatever your situation, chances are, yours do too.

I don't say this often, but sincerely, screw capitalism and screw corporation culture. This isn't healthy.

[meltdownchromium]

Ship Bingo Crack Ship Edition! Nef x Vindick Leather, Nef x Creed, Nef x Black Cleaver, Nef x China, Nef x Tanith and Mev x Charivari :3c

Really hitting me with them rarepairs here huh? Anyway this is gonna get long

Ngl I have never really considered this one before and it also took me a moment to remember who Vindick Leather was, but sure y not

See this one has those fucked up vibes that I'm absolutely in for- really gotta look into it a bit more I know you made at least one post abt it.

Ok ok what is this? That guy he zombified, really? I mean- yeah no sure, big buff guy, literal killing machine and can't talk back that's not too bad I suppose

Honestly? I like this one. Never really thought abt it in a shippy sense but they do give me major bestie vibes that'd prolly also be fun in a relationship. The duo of saltiness, class and hot gossip.

This one I more or less considered after sow actually but tbh it's just meh. Like them as a short affair/friends with benefits type I can imagine, but more than that? Nah

Gotta admit though I know u made a couple posts abt this ship I only really skimmed through them so I don't know much of ur version of this. I do however like the change in dynamics, with Mev actually being the smaller one, so that's def interesting

[vimbry]

of all the twitter non issues I've seen, dogpiling an artist who drew a fake leak for a cartoon without tone indicators because "people hyperfixate on this show and learning it's fake makes people disappointed and sad which is ableist" is the most non

[the-snake-owl]

Tagged by @martianmaenad to share my music!

10 songs on shuffle. I don't know how the cool people blogs started paying attention to me or how i have started to actually be invited to socialise while I was throwing forest and Dionysos pictures on a pile by myself, but I'm not complaining.

I'll be doing my Spotify and YouTube playlists separately, because they might as well be made by two different people and I never know which one to use. The challange rules say no further context, so here we go.

Spotify:

1. One for the Money by Escape the Fate

2. Under the Knife by Icon for Hire

3. Na Na Na [...] by MCR

4. The Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer

5. The Islander by Nightwish

6. Buntes Volk by Faun

7. Her name is Alice by Shinedown

8. Locked within the Crystal ball by Blackmore's night

9. Thnks fr th mmrs by FOB

10. Die Hexe by Subway to Sally

Youtube:

1. Feed the Machine by Poor Man's Poison

2. Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon

3. Sinners by Barns Courtney

4. This is Halloween in latin [Uploaded by ScorpioMartinaus]

5. The Mariner's revenge song by the Decembrists

6. Candy by the Blasting Company

7. Kill your Heros by Awolnation

8. Dashilla Sea Shanty [from Critical role]

9. Bohemian WAAposody (Queen sung by five Waluigis)

10. Wild Mountain Thyme on the Nyckelharpa by Mariusz Kornel Radwanski