#also spm is just so...depressing in so many ways

[legobiwan]

I think what makes Super Paper Mario stand out from many of the other plot-based Mario games is the motivation of the villains. (And no, I have not played all of them, but I'm familiar enough with the major titles to take a leap with this idea here).

You can write a laundry list of bad guys who have wanted to take over the world: Smithy and his gang want to reforge it (literally) in their image. The Shadow Queen wants to rule over a dark, new reality. Cackletta wants the Beanstar to fulfill her crazed wishes of destruction and power. Antasma wants command through the Dream World. Princess Shroob wants, and maybe even needs, to a degree, to siphon off the life force of the Toads in an interesting twist on an alien species' resource issues. In fact, one of the few antagonists we encounter who is not 100% fueled by power-lust is King Boo, who walks a tighrope between a pedestrian desire to rule reality via ghost army and a need to exact revenge, a tightrope he eventually falls off of decidedly in the direction of bloodthirsty vengeance directed specifically at Luigi. (He built, bought, or at least took over a whole-ass, multi-level hotel for this express purpose, not only luring Luigi into this trap, but roping his brother, his friend, and some random Toad acquaintances into the whole ordeal, as well - which is categorically insane and the topic of another rant for another day).

But Count Bleck doesn't want power for power's sake. He merely wants to use the Chaos Heart to end reality. There's no throne he covets, no crown he searches for - he desires only utter annihilation of everything, including himself. It's such a nihilistic goal and is so striking in comparison to the other enemies we encounter in and around the Mushroom Kingdom. Even Dimentio, whose initial plan was to seize power and reshape the world in his own corrupted image - even Dimentio chooses this final destruction over the promise of false power in the end.

How do you fight against someone who seeks death as their ultimate goal? It's such a depressing and fascinating concept in a Mario game, of all things, and is one of the reasons I personally see SPM as a kind of climax to the events of many of the preceding games, including SM: RPG and Thousand Year Door, which you can see as the "prequels," as it were, to SPM, if you look at these games as existing along a timeline that began with the creation of the Pixls and the Tribe of Ancients and ends with Bleck and Dimentio's defeat at the threshold of apocalypse.

Anyway, I'm starting to come up with some lore ideas that would possibly tie these three games together in a slight AU where the Bleck gang would show up in 7 Stars and Geno's role is extended past the restoration of the Star Road.

[ask-dimentio-the-jester]

((Artist's Update))

(( I wont be speaking in character what so ever. Just me. Some may know me as @ag-piers , some as @ask-dimentio-the-jester , however, behind the artists between roleplaying as those 2 characters, it's just me. Firby It's been a while, maybe even years huh? I love this blog not gonna lie, but I wanna explain stuff in 3 points! Let's start shall we? ^^

(( So..much...stuff.. Lately, I have been drawing a lot of other things, being more into the Kirby community. I took a break from the SPM community due to seeing how much drama existed and in reality, Kirby has always been my #1 favorite and SPM my 2nd. Don't worry, I miss drawing Dimentio and I want to draw him again, just need ideas on how to draw him since...well I drew him in so much ways through the ask blog I cant think of new ideas for him haha.

Streaming - Something I have been doing for at least 2 years! I would Roleplay as one of my characters I've made years ago. I am always roleplaying as him in the streams. Yes I know. I'm female and he's male, yes I change my voice for him.

-@AG_Piers' Stream Link-

I also enjoy roleplaying with people there! Currently, I'm streaming TTYD Remake, and roleplay that my viewers are characters from the game! It's so fun, I'm enjoying it a lot. Perhaps one-day SPM Remake?!?!?

Yes Vtuber, I promise I'm family-friendly & not..."weird"...like the other ones out there.

I even draw in streams on Saturdays! (not rn cuz of ttyd remake)

((Of course i do! I'm too addicted to art to stop... Art - I cant stop drawing so still doing art! Simultaneously rping that my character AG_Piers is drawing. Have I ever told ya that I love my character I've made? Kirby art mostly, some original art, and hopefully Dimentio again! @ag-piers is the main account with all the arts! You can ask questions in that blog too. I may or may not draw it in the style I have been doing it in this blog! (Making my own kirby fan merch and original characters merch and hopefully soon I can sell them! Maybe a dimentio sticker even in the future-)

(( I'm even trying to do more animations as you can see! Simple, but something!

"It Has been a while~"

(( We've had some fun, silly, serious, and depressing moments with this Dimentio ask blog. It was fun, I enjoyed it a lot actually! I still have that Dimentio plush, I still love Dimentio a whole lot. Still my favorite Mario character of all time. I do miss drawing him and hope I can draw him again, not as an ask blog but just casually in my main account for now. Don't worry tho! I won't quit this blog, just a long break is all. Who knows how long at the moment because I'm doing so many projects right now wanting to do more stuff like making fan merch and making my characters something more than just drawings. I guess...and then work, but, rest assured, I will NOT completely quit/abandon this blog. I just need a very very long break. when I ever do come back, I will decide what to answer and when to answer, like whenever I have free time and wanna draw a question! As for now, taking a break! If you just enjoy the things I make, art I do, etc. You look into my main account. All links are in the above that I've mentioned. This is NOT a goodbye, but a "To Be Continued..?"

[disneydreamlights]

i did not realize tippi/bleck was your OTP please tell me more about why you love them (i also like them but its been years since i played spm so i need to renew that love)

(It’s been years for me too and I’ve been meaning to replay I will just never tire of them.)

So I’m actually going to break this ask down into two parts. The first just talking about their relationship in general and what the game presents, the second actually getting into how they are the ship that very much defined what I consider a lot of my personal ship tropes today. This also isn’t the first time I’ve gone off about them either so I’m going to link this post from 2013. (It’s not my best analysis and I don’t necessarily agree with everything in it now but I mean I was 17 so for a seventeen year old who had no critical thinking skills, I think it was good for what I wanted to convey at the time. XD)

So with that out of the way let’s talk about those memories.

"I remember that day well... The room was warm. The whole place was at peace."

This is the introducing line to the first memory, to the story of Blumiere and Timpani that serves as the foundation for the story of the game, and it shows how much this day meant to Blumiere that even lost in the shadow that became Count Bleck, fallen into darkness and depression and utter self loathing, that he remembered this day as a positive despite it being, as he himself says, “the day that our tragedy was set in motion.” The memories are fond to him and his small bits of happiness, and the idea of that is heartwarming to say the least. It also gives a very early establishment on why their interactions are significant. A lot of the lore is read between the lines, but the game establishes quickly that humans and the Tribe of Darkness do not like each other. So when Timpani shows that she doesn’t care what he is, just that he needed help, it very quickly establishes both her character and why we should empathize with this unknown, and it establishes her bond with Blumiere.

She saved him without knowing who he was. Her kindness and empathy is what draws Blumiere in. And it proves a very strong foundation for their relationship as it progresses. From here in story, we’re only given snippets of who they were before. They give further background on the prejudices against them, how Blumiere’s father is working to keep them apart, and how they seem willing to overcome the obstacles at every turn. Despite the warning from the first memory, you cheer for these unknowns and hope for their happiness, it’s what they deserve. The memories where they’re happy (Blumiere proposing to Timpani, the one with them under the stars, even them just getting to talk again) are wholesome and heartwarming. And the one where Timpani tries to leave after Chapter 3 is heartbreaking. Because you want to believe in their happy ending.

Which of course gets taken away in the Chapter 6 interlude. Watching Blumiere learn that Timpani is gone, well...I’ll grab the dialogue exchange here:

"Timpani! What did you do with her? I must see her!"  "Still your tongue, Blumiere... Can't you see you've been duped by a dirty human? You have brought shame to my name...and to the entire Tribe of Darkness!"  "And so what if I did? That doesn't matter to me! She's my entire world!" "Well, then it will interest you to know...that she no longer resides in this world." "What... What do you mean by that?!"  "This is the price those who resist their own fate must pay, my son."  "She... No... It can't be so!"  "Someday you will see, Son. Our kind and humans must never mix."

Yeah, it’s pretty depressing honestly. Blumiere is so clearly heartbroken and destroyed to the point that it basically convinces him that nothing matters. That he’s willing to destroy his home and everything else in the entire universe because he has nothing. This is a broken man, and it’s why he finally heeds the Prognosticus’s call in the final interlude before the main fight to become Count Bleck.

Now granted it’s not a sucker punch to see the interlude unless you haven’t been picking up the hints in the Castle Bleck scene (Chapter 6 does a fantastic job of hammering in who Blumiere is) watching Blumiere in desperation turn to the book right before you lead into Chapter 8 really hammers home how little he had to live for.

And this is double if you take a lot of the popular fan headcanons (his mother being dead, often times at the hands of humans. His father being abusive. That kind of stuff) as fact for Blumiere’s story. This was quite possibly one of the only people to ever show him kindness, and he lost her, for as far as he’s concerned, forever, and it destroys him.

Which takes us to the timeline of the main game which does an equally good job of fleshing out their love. While the game first points Count Bleck out as an absolute madman and threat with a desire to do nothing more than destroy and recreate the world however he wants, he doesn’t stay that way. The game first foreshadows that something happened to push him over the edge early on and his interactions with Nastasia where he even lets her back out show that he’s fully aware of his actions and not some delusional monster, but chapter 6 in this exchange really drives everything home.

Count Bleck: You QUESTION Count Bleck?! This worthless world's destruction matters not! Far better for Count Bleck to wipe it out of existence than let it remain!  Tippi: How can you say that? That's...horrible!  Count Bleck: Count Bleck scoffs at you! An insignificant Pixl lectures Count Bleck on what is right and wrong?  Tippi: This is not up for discussion! You're wrong...and sick! All living things have a heart. They're all priceless. You can't just...erase them!  Count Bleck: Of all things, you defend the heart? Nothing could be more worthless...All things...are meaningless. Aside from Timpani, no treasure mattered in the least to me...

First since this happens before the memory I put earlier this is your first sign that something awful happened to Timpani, but it also just really drives home just how the loss of Timpani drove the hopelessly in love Blumiere into depression and sent him spiraling. All you know is that Blumiere lost Timpani, and he might as well be dead for what’s left of him, and it’s heartbreaking.

But then Tippi remembers, and Count Bleck realizes exactly who she is. Blumiere learns his quest for destruction of the worlds that took her away from him and of himself is meaningless, and Timpani learns that the madman she’s hated, wanted desperately to stop, is the one person who means the world to her. And the result when they reunite is absolutely devastating as Blumiere attempts to play the part the prophecy sets out for him, and Timpani just wants her husband to stop. Blumiere is throwing the battle because now that he knows she’s alive, he can’t hurt her. He doesn’t want to win. He wants to die, and he wants the world to be safe for her, because all he wants is her happiness and her ability to live. The final boss sequence is absolutely killer if you have any investment in their relationship for that reason at all because they’re so in love and both know what they want can’t happen. And it’s heartbreaking.

Then Dimentio happens and in a desperate attempt to save the world, they confess they love each other and use the power of the Pure Hearts and their love for each other to destroy the Chaos Heart. The lines like actually made me emotional now and I’m reading them out of context in a script and not after the about ten hour journey of the main game.

Count Bleck: There were so many things I wanted to say to you...but I could not find the words.  Tippi: Oh, Blumiere... Only one thing matters to me now. I never had the chance to return your question... Blumiere... Do you still love me, as well?  Count Bleck: Of course... I have thought about you every moment since you disappeared... But I have caused you so much suffering...  Tippi: Perhaps...my life would have been more carefree without you, that is true.  Count Bleck: But I had to be with you, Timpani. I will never apologize for that...  Tippi: I know, Blumiere. And I love you...  Count Bleck: And I love you, Timpani... Hundreds of thousands of years from now, that fact will not have changed...

Like look I’m not here to provide an emotional analysis I don’t have to this is just very good. “And I love you, Timpani... Hundreds of thousands of years from now, that fact will not have changed...” is just honestly a beautiful line and I honestly cry just reading it now. (I’m not joking I have fangirl grin on my face just from reading this I miss these two so much.)

And to get their final dialogue, much like the memory scenes from earlier in the game, the conclusion to their tale immediately after this:

"Timpani...do you remember the promise we made to each other that day?"  "Yes, I remember..."  "If there was a place where we could be happy together, we would find it."  "Will you come with me to that place now?" "Blumiere... Of course... I will always be with you..."

It’s just very sweet and satisfying after going through the story. You’ve spent so long rooting for them to have their chance (since the moment you understood what was going on in the memories) that it makes the conclusion all the more just wholesome and satisfying that after everything they’ve been to, they finally get to be together and happy, as shown by the scene in the after credits where they walk down the hill together.

So to tie all this part together, the brilliant writing of SPM is really what gives this ship the chance to shine. By giving us time to get attached to Count Bleck and Tippi first before revealing who they are, we already have a baseline investment in their happiness and thus in the ship. The ship comes secondary to their characters so you have these two already very enjoyable characters (Tippi’s sarcasm and interactions with the heroes of light are a a lot fun, and Count Bleck is so charismatic that whenever he and his minions are on screen they dominate) and then you add in ship that makes an enjoyable build up to the game with good chemistry and mostly heartwarming moments, and make it a tragedy, and it becomes very easy to get invested in it, and to love. And it makes for one of my personal favorite love stories I’ve seen in gaming.

The rest of this essay is more to do with my personal taste and less objectivity so I’m going to throw it under a read more but oh boy did this ship either literally shape my ship tropes or just hit almost every single one of them I have that well.

So needless to say I have loved this ship since I first beat the game probably about thirteen years ago so it’s hard to say whether my ship taste came first or this game defined my ship taste but let me just list all my tropes and you’ll see what I mean:

Light/Dark Dichotomy - From looks to roles, these two embody this trope to a tee. Timpani is light, she’s a descendant of the Tribe of Ancients, the guardians of the Light Prognosticus, and in game is represented in the rainbow butterfly form, who while angular her colors and overall form (butterflies) tend to give her this general association of friend. She fights for the heroes and radiates a presence of general light. Blumiere is her opposite, a member of the Tribe of Darkness, the guardians of the Dark Prognosticus, and in game is represented by mostly darker colors. He is the main antagonist and his presence in game is often tied to some of its darker moments. They embody this contrast.

Opposing Sides - I need to preface the way I’ve phrased this. In most instances I would call this “Enemies to Lovers” however because of the storyline of this game it’s not quite enemies to lovers but it sure does embody the spirit of the trope where two people are fighting against each other despite loving each other and spend the majority of the game not in love with each other because Blumiere has no idea who she is and Timpani has zero memories. The important thing is that they are working against each other, and the tension of going against somebody you love is wonderful. The scene preceding the Count Bleck boss fight embody everything good about this trope.

Forbidden Love - I mean this is literally obvious but Blumiere’s father is literally against the pairing from minute one and literally tries to kill Timpani over it this pairing is as forbidden as they come.

Tragic - I don’t need to define why Timpani and Blumiere are tragic but boy do I love me some good angst and these two are legitimately swimming in it it’s very very good. My favorite thing about the angst is that it never affects the overall tone which is a testament to how well the game is written. Slight tangent but like SPM as a whole gets very very dark, partially due to the Timpani/Blumiere elements and their tragedy but also in part due to the last three chapters of the game. Like Chapter 6 is definitely the heaviest hitter but there’s a lot to unpack in Chapters 7 and 8 as well. But despite this the game’s atmosphere never feels oppressing, it’s still fun with lighthearted moments and it’s still a game that won’t make you feel super depressed. It balances its darkness with the bright colors and the tone of the writing very well. And because of that, despite the fact that they literally destroy a world while you’re on it and then send you to the Mario version of hell, the game never feels too dark to be enjoyable.

The rest of these aren’t as clearly defined by words but I am very much a sucker for the idea of “my love for you is my one weakness” and the one thing that could be used to bring somebody down and drag them to hell. But also being the one thing that’s keeping them out of going down and the one thing that can bring them back out. It makes me emotional and I love it. I would also like to propose the idea that Timpani and Blumiere are soulmates since they’re most definitely true loves but things like soulmates are kind of subjective in the first place.

To tie it all home you can see the elements of my long standing SPM obsession littered in my fandom tastes today if you look hard enough for it. This game had a major part in forming my tastes because before Kingdom Hearts, even before Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, this was the game that captured my heart and attention. It’s the only game to have an amount of (sadly unpublished and lost on old devices that no longer work) writing to rival the amount of things I’ve written for KH over the years. And at the heart of the phenomenal game is a wonderful ship that, years after my last playthrough of the game, still holds a spot in my heart reserved for it.

Timpani and Blumiere are a fantastic ship and between its wonderful writing and its effects on my taste, it has a lot of reasons to still be my favorite ship of all time.

[hiduprakyat]

Hello folks!

This is Daisy, your local weirdo.

Just kidding. Kind of. I suppose I need to address something.

Tumblr is such a wonderful place for the LGBTQ+ community, you know, and me, being a bisexual girl from an incredibly homophobic country, it's a kind of comfort. But sometimes we forget that reality is, in fact, disappointing. I guess Thanos was right.

This is Dewan Siswa, a magazine for secondary school students in Malaysia. It's a great magazine! Don't get me wrong! Revision notes for PT3 and SPM, really good articles, poems and sample essays. It's great.

But!!! (Suppose you saw that coming) We got our March's issue today, and the theme was about identity. The first article's great. It takes about mental health, and stuff, which was great, and made me feel real noticed. Not that it's that great a thing but still. Second article's called

KEMBALILAH KE PANGKAL JALAN

Which means "Get Back onto the Right Track". Hey, guess what's it about? Drugs? Smoking? Sex? Ha. No.

It starts with this:

"Not too long ago, our country was stunned by the courage of a man who dressed in a woman's clothes during Umrah. Before that, this famous entrepreneur had claimed that he was a woman even though he had no official documents to prove it. ..."

The hell? But okay. Read on.

"The LGBT community in Malaysia is no longer a secret and is a hot topic in conversation. They are like an outbreak of cancer. This community can destroy family institutions which will cause many social, religious, cultural, psychological, ethical, and moral problems. In a society, one who does not follow the rules of the society will be gotten rid of."

WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING FUCK?

Cancer??? Are you even hearing yourself???

"As of late, this unhealthy issue is gradually spreading amongst teenagers."

I - holy shit I can't even.

And then there's a two page rant on "scientific reasons why people are gay".

What the fuck.

"Parents, educators, people with power, and the community must practice and be concerned about solving this issue, ... They [the LGBT community] must receive support both psychologically and spiritually. The society's habit of labelling, testing, condemning, scorning, and insulting this unorthodox community causes them to not find ways to find medication and cure themselves."

Of my God. I don't even know where to start.

Firstly, "issue"? There is no issue. We're not trying to make you one of us, stop interfering with our lives. Secondly, "golongan songsang"? I know I translated it into "unorthodox community", but "songsang" means something more like "inverse", or just, bad. Seriously? Thirdly, there's nothing to "cure". I'm not ill! Why do I need to be medicated, "cured"?

"According to a former transgender person who has now gotten back on the right track, Mohd Khairiri Mohamad Ramli, better known and Cikgu Erin (Teacher Erin), society plays a big role in helping the LGBT community to return to the more normal society. ... Don't look down on them [the LGBT community] and remain silent with the excuse that the problem is not their business. It is our duty to put a stop to this issue that is spreading quickly."

WHAT THE FUCK.

It is none of your business, and you shouldn't try to "cure" us. I don't see the point of this paragraph considering that this whole dang article was looking down on the LGBTQ+ community. Also, "FORMER TRANSGENDER PERSON"??? WHAT???

The first insert: a pill bottle with a rainbow flowing out, tiny people sitting on pills.

Captions: "Those involved in the LGBT community must be medicated so that they can change and return to their original nature."

Second insert: a person covering their face

Captions: "People in this community who is aware must be guided so that they will no longer be involved in unorthodox activities."

I -

WHAT. WHY.

There's nothing wrong with us! Do people realise that the 21st century, did not, in fact, invent homosexuality? The Greeks, who lived before Christ, were gay as fuck. In ancient China, gay men were actually allowed to get married. Quietly. There was an emperor who was bi and chopped off his sleeve so that he wouldn't wake his lover. That's a story for another day. John, Lord Hervey, Queen Caroline's favourite, was bi. He probably even had an affair with Frederick, the Prince of Wales, but that is also a story for another day. Emily Dickinson was lesbian. Oscar Wilde was either gay or bi. We're any of these people ill, or crazy, or in need of "curing"? (Except that Emily Dickinson probably had depression and that doesn't count)

Please stop this. Just because some people's preferences are different from yours didn't mean they're less valid, or God forbid, wrong. There's nothing wrong with homosexuality, and there's nothing to "cure"!

For people living in countries where same sex marriages are legal and generally accepted, please don't look down on or condemn someone who's afraid to come out. This could be happening where they're from.

Thank you for reading!

Love y'all!

[globalregentsthematicessay779]

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[ericfruits]

Poverty in America has long-lasting, destructive consequences on children

EVEN CRITICS who think that poverty results from a defective character concede that poor children, all 13m of them in America today, are not to blame for their plight. But as soon as they reach the age of 18, many of those children will become poor adults who will then be unceremoniously deemed culpable for their predicament. By the official statistics, nearly one in six American children is poor. By the SPM, which takes benefits and cost of living into account, things look only a bit better: just over one in six is poor. They are concentrated in clusters across every state in America. They are found in depressed areas like Cleveland, where half of children live below the federal poverty line, rural South Dakota and central Appalachia. They are also found among immense prosperity—the children living in the Bronx or of the service workers who drive three hours each way to do menial jobs in San Francisco.

This American tragedy is an ignored one. Poor children neither vote nor hire lobbyists. It is also morally senseless, punishing children for the sins or misfortunes of their parents. It is economically pointless, too. Poor children who grow up to be poor adults have not just reduced incomes, but shorter lives and a higher risk of criminality. The safety net, although important, does less to blunt poverty in children than in adults.

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It was not always this way. When Michael Harrington wrote “The Other America” in 1962—a seminal study which helped spark Lyndon Johnson’s war on poverty—the elderly, hobbled by medical and housing costs, were the poorest age group in the country. “Fifty per cent of the elderly exist below minimum standards of decency,” he wrote. Today, the problem has been inverted. With the advent of universal programmes like Medicare, the health-insurance scheme for the elderly, and Social Security, the public-pension programme, there is no age group better served. According to the SPM, 48% of elderly Americans would have been poor without the safety net. After taxes and transfers, that figure is down to 14%.

What America has done for its elderly, it can also do for its children, with less complication and cost. The primary lever is reorienting public safety-net spending around poor children. It is important to spend so that poor adults do not go hungry, homeless or untreated for illness. But while it is hard for a person reliant on food stamps at the age of 40 to achieve self-sufficiency, opportunities still abound for the poor child receiving free lunches at school.

Everyone learns together

The second imperative is for integration. Increasingly, poor children are segregated, living and attending school with others like them. A bifurcated society is more than just damaging democratically. Living in concentrated poverty worsens outcomes in future health, criminality, employment and happiness.

Severely reducing or eliminating child poverty through the simplest means imaginable—unrestricted cash transfers—can seem starry-eyed until one studies the details. David Grusky of Stanford University says that the state of California, which has the highest share of poor people after accounting for taxes, transfers and cost of living, could end deep child poverty with targeted cash transfers that amount to a mere $2.8bn per year. This is “insane”, he adds. It is a quarter of the sum the state spends on prisons.

Targeted anti-poverty programmes in America usually attract a backlash from voters who think the money goes to other people’s children. But even a universal child credit—a small amount of cash given for each child each month—“probably comes close to cutting child poverty in half just on its own,” says Jane Waldfogel, a professor of social work at Columbia University. Most of America’s peer countries already have a universal benefit scheme. After Canada fully implemented its programme, which offers higher benefits to poorer families, the number of children living in poverty fell by a third in just two years. If a similar programme—giving $400 per month for all young children and $340 for older ones—were implemented in America, it would indeed reduce child poverty by more than half. It would cost around $300bn a year, less than the grandiose proposals pitched in the Democratic presidential primary, such as a universal basic income and free college.

A slightly less generous proposal along these lines has already been made by Michael Bennet and Sherrod Brown, two Democratic senators, though public enthusiasm for it has been muted. The likely benefits are not mere conjecture. When economists examine the long-term outcomes for children who received more generous benefits, whether in food assistance, tax credits or access to health insurance, they find big long-term improvements in health, as well as higher university attendance and higher incomes.

But it is not enough to deal with poverty atomistically—to reduce individual suffering through a more robust safety net. It must also be dealt with spatially and collectively, meaning that it must be deconcentrated. Although housing benefits are allocated sporadically in America (only a quarter of those who qualify actually receive them because the benefit is not an entitlement, and funds are limited), there is little encouragement for families to move towards good neighbourhoods. Moving everyone to opportunity is not a scalable solution, but could happen more often.

The same applies to schools. Rucker Johnson of the University of California, Berkeley, has produced compelling research showing clear benefits for black children who attended integrated schools, not segregated ones. Five years in desegregated schools boosted incomes by 30% later on in life; exposure to integrated elementary schools reduces the chance of incarceration by 22 percentage points. Unfortunately, the national trends in income segregation between the rich and the poor are heading in the opposite direction—increasing 15% from 1990 to 2010, and 40% within large school districts. The same is true of where American families live.

The idea that safety-net programmes function as a poverty trap—or, in the words of Paul Ryan, a former House Speaker, as “a hammock that lulls able-bodied people to lives of dependency and complacency”—remains. Additional income will incentivise people to work less. But it is hard to imagine rational people giving up work for the meagre sums offered for disability ($1,234 per month on average), food stamps ($126 per month) and Medicaid (which cannot be cashed out).

There are important ways in which liberals, particularly vocal white urban ones, also misunderstand the path to alleviating poverty. One cause of school segregation within American metropolitan areas is the intentional gerrymandering caused by school-district lines. This elicits only muted fury from the people who often preach the virtues of diversity in other arenas. “Neighbourhood schools” drive neighbourhood effects—both the beneficial ones of posh parts and the harmful ones experienced in America’s growing ghettos and barrios. The same people are strong critics of charter schools, which are publicly funded but privately run, for allegedly destabilising traditional state schools (and their associated teachers’ unions). For generations, poor, minority children have received inadequate education from their segregated traditional school districts. Although charter schools have similar results when evaluated nationally, they perform much better in the kind of struggling urban districts—such as New Orleans, Newark and Boston—where there are more poor children who need help. Among dedicated Democratic voters, 58% of blacks and 52% of Hispanics—the groups who benefit most from them—support charters, against just 26% of whites.

There is also a longstanding reluctance among liberals to discuss the impact of family structure on child poverty. Much of this stems from the explosive reception to the Moynihan report—a study published in 1965 that sought to explain the roots of black poverty by analysing out-of-wedlock births—and the stigmatising argument that it seemed to imply. When Daniel Patrick Moynihan wrote his report, around a quarter of black children were born out of wedlock. Today that share is 70% for black children, more than 50% of Hispanic children and almost 30% for whites—all concentrated among poorly educated mothers. The official poverty rate for the children of single mothers is 39%, compared with 8% for those living with married parents.

The reluctance to acknowledge that children in stable, two-parent households do better may seem understandable. Such statistics can be marshalled to stigmatise single mothers, and to then argue for benefit cuts. Some suggest that marriage promotion is a worthy avenue, but it is difficult to imagine bureaucrats successfully steering social norms. What should matter for policymakers is not attempting to apportion blame, but starting to chart a course out of the problem. ■

This article appeared in the Special report section of the print edition under the headline "The kids are not alright"

Special reportThe best way to eradicate poverty in America is to focus on children

https://ift.tt/2mZXBdI

[charlie-the-uncreative]

Gladly! I love these games so I’d be happy to talk about them.

First, spoilers ahead for both games, so if you haven’t played just skip this post. Second, I haven’t played many Mario or loz games, mostly just the 3D Zelda and Mario games, as well as a few of the Mario rpgs, so if there is a game that fits better, then I’d love to hear about it. Thirdly, this post is pretty long, so if you don’t wanna read through an entire essay, you can skip.

Of course, the world ending is a big thing in both games, but it can also be found in other games so that’s not really the main point. What I was thinking is just how dark and depressing both games are, MM more than SMP but they both still have it. In general MM does a better job at handling its themes, but that’s not what we’re talking about. Anyway, both games just have very dark and horrifying stuff.

An important connection is the origin of the transformation masks and the origin of the pixls. Since it can be just a throwaway piece of dialogue a lot of people don’t remember, I’ll remind ya that pixls are made by using the soul of someone deceased. Even though pixls don’t exactly transform you, they’re all still very important to completing the game like the masks.

Another thing, at least when I played, is that you don’t really feel the gravity of the situation until you experience it. In MM that’s either if you slip up and let the moon fall, or during the final hours. In SPM that’s Sammer’s Kingdom. It’s kinda terrifying to see the destruction and devastation of both worlds.

While we’re on the topic of the world-ending catastrophe, let’s talk about the villains that caused that. Specifically Majora and Dimentio because Bleck wasn’t really around for the game, it was mostly Dimentio causing the team problems. Both can be considered comic villains at first. Dimentio in his jester garb and Skull Kid/Majora’s kinda silly first encounter, with him hiding the stolen ocarina behind his back in a really silly manner. It isn’t until later that you see how terrifying they can really be, but they both keep their air of silliness. I mean, Dimentio murders your entire team while smiling, and after Skull Kid transforms you into a deku scrub he laughs.

I also feel like the Anju and Kafei quest and the love story between Blumiere and Timpani (specifically during when the game takes place, not really the flashbacks) are similar. Both Kafei and Timpani have their form changed and, while Timpani simply doesn’t have any memory, they both can’t/won’t return to the one they loved. When both couples finally meet up, they can finally make their vows and spend the rest of their now very short lives together. Honestly, I just find both very bittersweet.

Anyway, that’s the end of my essay lol. Way more than I thought I’d write if I’m being honest. If ya still don’t agree, that’s fine with me. It’s just my own observations. Thanks if you read through this whole mess. Usually not what I write. Have a gucci day!

Super Paper Mario is the Majora’s Mask of Mario games

[thepoeticwit]

SPM: School, Parenting, Mental Health

(image credit: Lasie Slezac; Source: unsplash.com)

   For some, if not most of us Malaysians, we would have gone through the local government school system. This school system can be broken down into three levels: primary (UPSR), lower secondary (PT3) and upper secondary (SPM) excluding Form 6 (STPM) which is pretty much pre-university already. Those days in school were when memories both good and bad were made, and the gravity of stress and expectations were on your shoulders. Do you remember that? Do you remember whether your parents were strict or harsh on you just to get grades that would satisfy them? Do you remember breaking down and questioning yourself if going to school was really worth it? How about when you were looked down upon by many because you were inadequate? Have you ever feared that you would never make it out alive?

  These are the things that students today have to put up with. If you are an adult or elderly reading this, there is only a small chance that you are able to relate to the feelings above. Chances are that the circumstances and environment of the schooling system back then in the past 50 years or more were different compared to how things are as of now. The strictness of parents was present, as always. You already knew that school was worth it because back then education was the key to surpass poverty, and everything was less developed compared to now.

 It would seem that it has been deeply ingrained into the roots of the Asian culture, especially that in Malaysian families to regard strict discipline in all things especially education as a necessity in order to strive for personal greatness, honour and pride to the family name. Thus, this has been made into a cycle that goes on for generations. Some families may misinterpret this value and take it to the extremes, to the extent of abuse and violence. For instance, as I was browsing through Facebook, I saw a post made by an anonymous user on a university confession page who was deemed to be an SPM candidate.

 “Ever wonder what it’s like to be a teenage girl getting beaten by your parents? Not that slipper whacking. Being slammed to the wall, punched and slapped. Yeah, that's right. While having someone pull your hair so tightly and while you're crying wishing that you could just die that moment and end it all and that person brings you to the mirror and tells you to look at your shitty self.” She adds that she had suffered injuries such as bleeding in between her eyes, bruises, insults such as “retarded” (and other obscenities that won’t be mentioned here), broken spectacles, threats involving money, and a show of religion saying how God can see how useless she is. All this was done to her by her parents. “If God thinks beating up your daughter, constantly bullying her and wanting to make her kill herself then it is no God at all—it’s worse than a demon.”

 Having read that confession posted on that particular Facebook page, I wondered: does the local parenting culture make allowance for extremities such as this? Does parenting in Asian culture determine the methods of raising the child to be good and effective? Or does this do more harm than good, especially if the culture even allows this extreme? “It is definitely doing more harm than good,” said Grace Chan, a counsellor and Psychology lecturer at Methodist College Kuala Lumpur (MCKL). “This whole 'strict’ culture, particularly in achievement of grades is a selfish approach. Yes on one hand, parents are eager for children to succeed. But the definition of success for a lot of Asian parents are cookie-cutters; they are essentially the same. This cradle-to-grave path would likely start by achieving outstanding grades in university and to get a professional role and of course, to earn a sizable income.”

 In my own opinion, should such an instance of child abuse exist in families under the name of “discipline” and for the sake of culture, we have come to a point where change is needed in the methods of parenting in order to facilitate a healthier and more holistic growth and building of character. Otherwise, it is downright bullying and condescending upon a child-- the child has thus not failed the parents, rather it was the parents who have failed the child. Miss Suria (not her real name) a lecturer in Sociology had put it nicely, “Parents do not know what real learning is, so the only way they can measure how good the child is getting is by how good their results are”, She had also added that the strictness of parents is usually out of fear of not being able to provide for the child, and also wanting to use the child as a status symbol to improve their social standing among friends and family.

   Let’s take a look back to what we’ve observed comparing the education system then and now. As of now, there are still tiger mums and dads out there forcing strict discipline on their child; heavy pressure overwhelms students, while the students themselves barely know how to cope with it and are thus easily crushed; having been crushed and mentally worn out, students develop anxiety and depression which easily gets the better of them; they do not view school as being worth going to because they are going to get backlash for even trying to do something to learn; all in all, they would also have a low view of themselves which may (and God forbid) lead them to the point of even taking their own lives. 

“Academic success becomes more and more important to the point they don’t care about anything else, then you will get small children killing themselves,” said Miss Suria. “So we’re not talking about 18-year-olds killing themselves, we got 10 or 12-year-olds killing themselves. So, the more serious it becomes, the more earlier the effects can be seen. I personally have seen children as young as six, seven, nine-years-old who are depressed and stressed because of this ‘kiasu’ culture that we have.” Here is a general fact: 20% of adolescents (aged 13 to 18) may experience a mental health problem at any given year, making it the group that is most susceptible to mental illness. Another fact is that 10% of children and young people (aged 5 to 16) have a clinically diagnosable mental problem, yet 70% of children and adolescents who experience mental health problems have not had appropriate interventions at a sufficiently early age.

  Just read the news: there are cases of suicide due to academic stress. The most recent case was reported on October 1, when a Form 3 student jumped to her death just mere hours before the PT3 examinations. This is only one of the many cases. How about that time three years ago when an SPM candidate hung himself in his room out of frustration of being unable to answer his Additional Mathematics paper 1 that afternoon (Nov. 25, 2015)? Again, only another of the many cases. What does this say? Would the correlation between academics, expectations, and mental health entail a causation? Rightly so, for if it were not for the extremely harsh attitude of parents toward their child (not even taking into account bullying in school, among other things) it would not have lead them to develop anxiety over the stress of grasping academic excellence for the sake of pleasing parents that are hard to please anyway. So, life is a mess, we are all screwed up, nobody loves me, I hate myself, school is not worth going to, and it is probably for the best that I leave this cruel world.

  So what shall we say about discipline? Should corporal punishment still be accepted to an extent, or completely eradicated for good? On one hand Grace Chan says, “Have no involvement of physical punishment; impact that would most affect a child in such a situation will definitely be on mental health.” Yet, on the other hand, Miss Suria says, “It’s the expectations that the parent has on the child that drives the child insane into mental illness.” She goes on to say that it is not entirely the parents fault but that parents get such an attitude from the pressures they receive from society and its expectations.

  Don’t misunderstand me. I do not condemn the discipline of our parents. Strictness is necessary where it is due, to correct and to shape our character. However, if it goes to the extent of it being overboard, abusive, merciless and unloving, then it is a grave sin to repent of. Perhaps there is a lesson to learn: we should gauge where to draw the line before strict discipline becomes abuse. Ever more rightly so, we should see children as human beings having intrinsic worth and the capability of doing whatever gift or talent they have been blessed with—we shall see past their flaws with eyes of grace and nurture them on the path they should lead. As I would go with Miss Suria’s verdict: parents need to be re-educated on what real learning is, and then they will know that it really is not about the grades.

[pianissimoreno-blog]

Gauging the Benefits of High Dosage CBD

I know it’s bad form, but I’ll start this blog post with an apology to my readers: my posts are typically a page or less, but some topics cover so much territory that it commands more space.

I’ll be the first to say I’m not a doctor. I don’t give medical advice and have no medical training whatsoever. The FDA requires that we say that our products have not been evaluated and can make no claims that we can treat or cure any medical problem; as much as I dislike the FDA, I agree with that statement.

There is, however, a big BUT; as a CBD products manufacturer, we receive requests all the time from people who think more is better and they may be right. There is research to support the benefits of conditions that traditional medicine doesn’t have a good solution. Please understand that CBD is not a cure-all or a silver bullet that fixes everything, but it may have its place as an affordable alternative medicine capable of helping people manage symptoms like pain, anxiety, sleep disorders, migraine headaches, and other neurological issues and that’s what we’re here for.

The reason people ask about high dosage CBD is that they generally have, or know someone who has a nerve degenerative disease, like MS, for instance. It’s tough to narrow the scope of this paper because the subject matter is so broad, but I’ll start off by saying I have MS so I have firsthand experience. MS is a serious problem and I won’t gloss over the seriousness of it; there is no cure but catching it early and seeing a specialist will improve your odds of coping with it.

I have what’s called late-onset MS; I got it after age 50 which is fairly rare, so lucky me!

https://www.verywellhealth.com/late-onset-multiple-sclerosis-3972555

No one knows the exact cause but it’s generally believed to be related to your immune system, genetics, infection or environmental issues like geography, which contributes to lack of sunlight or vitamin D, toxins, or chemical exposure.

So, what does CBD have to do with MS you ask? Well, since there is no cure, the Big Pharma options are limited, expensive, and generally have bad side effects like attacking your liver. I did an Interferon based drug called Avonex by Biogen for a year and a half and it’s an ugly, massive depressant. They say it has no other side effects other than what they call “flu-like symptoms,” which means you feel like absolute crap for 6.5 days and then on day 7, it’s time for another shot!! Doing that for the rest of your life, in my experience, is not a good option.

As a side note, I got depressed enough that I started reading books on the power of positive thinking and I found that happiness is a choice. If you don’t believe it, I suggest reading Tony Robbins book, “Awaken the Giant Within.” I promise it will be worth your time and is mostly fact-based research. My wife started calling me Peter Pan because I only think happy thoughts and I’m good with that!  It changed my perspective forever.

These are the four basic types of multiple sclerosis:

RRMS or relapsing-remitting ms

SPMS or secondary-progressive ms

PPMS or primary-progressive ms

PRMS or progressive-relapsing ms

These four categories describe the course that MS typically follows during a persons’ lifetime. Within each of these four types of multiple sclerosis, there are varying degrees of severity. With that said, no two MS patients will ever be exactly the same. MS can be unpredictable but it generally does not produce big changes overnight; it can take months or years to see noticeable changes.  You’ll need to be prepared to deal with it for the rest of your life, so the goal should be to manage it in such a way that you still have a decent quality of life. For me, I’m not wired to sit around and do nothing, so staying active is the key to longevity.

The research continues, especially on autoimmune disorders and neurological issues like MS, ALS, Parkinson’s, Crohn’s, etc. The website, https://www.projectcbd.org/  has an incredible online reference library of conditions that you may be interested in to research for yourself.  I like this site because it’s based on science and facts and not speculation or BS.  After you click on the links below, look to the right under “Browse Conditions” and see what’s out there.

https://www.projectcbd.org/cbd-for/can-cbd-help-me or https://www.projectcbd.org/multiple-sclerosis-ms

I don’t have a definition of high dosage, because for me, it’s anything above a daily maintenance dosage of 20-60 mg CBD per day.

However, there is an approved CBD prescription for epilepsy and you can be assured there are more in the pipeline that can give ideas of dosage on particular medical problems.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/expert-answers/is-cbd-safe-and-effective/faq-20446700

There is also a website for dosing recommendations:

https://cbdoilreview.org/cbd-cannabidiol/cbd-dosage/

There has been some research done by legitimate research clinics like the Mayo Clinic and more needs to be done. The following provides a simple guideline for dosage recommendations:

Mayo Clinic Weighs in on CBD - Offers Dosage Suggestions

The Mayo Clinic suggests CBD dosages based on scientific research, publications, traditional use, and expert opinion. Cannabinoid dosages and duration of treatment depend mainly on the illness (and countless other factors).

The following chart from Mayo Clinic provides specific dosage recommendations for various illnesses:

Loss of Appetite in Cancer Patients: 2.5mg of THC (orally), with or without 1mg of CBD for six weeks. [S] 

Chronic Pain: 2.5-20mg of CBD [with or without     THC] (orally). [S]

Epilepsy: 200-300mg of CBD (orally) daily. [S]

Movement Problems Due to Huntington’s     Disease: 10mg of CBD per kg of body weight daily for six weeks (orally). [S]

Sleep Disorders: 40mg-160mg of CBD (orally). [S]

Multiple Sclerosis (MS) symptoms: Cannabis plant extracts containing 2.5-120 milligrams of a     THC/CBD combination daily for 2-15 weeks. Patients typically use eight sprays within any three hours, with a maximum of 48 sprays in any 24-hour     period. [S]

Schizophrenia: 40-1,280mg oral CBD daily. [S]

Glaucoma: A single sublingual CBD dosage of 20-40mg (>40 mg may increase eye pressure). [S]

 Doses up to 1,500 mg per day has also been shown to be well tolerated by humans:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22129319

Just for fun, do a search on “CBD Dosing chart” and see what comes up; you’ll be surprised.

Here is another good explanation:  https://www.whatiscbd.com/cbd-multiple-sclerosis-treatment/

I don’t recommend high dosages but it may be a good alternative to opioids or other narcotics. We do not produce or sell any THC products. Our goal is to get you healthy, not high. Therefore, we only produce CBD products made from pure hemp-derived CBD isolate to guarantee purity and quality.

This means that, as opposed to THC, CBD oil will not impair your:

·        Consciousness

·        Reaction time

·        Perception

·        Sensory awareness

Although many have tried, it is NOT possible to overdose on CBD. There are no records of any fatal overdoses with cannabis, including CBD oil. In fact, one study suggested that to die from cannabis, you would have to smoke the equivalent of 15 lbs of MJ in 15 seconds! However, it is possible to over-medicate and with that said, taking high amounts of CBD may increase the risk of a few known minor side effects of CBD.  These include:

·        Dry mouth

·        Low blood pressure

·        Lightheadedness

·        Drowsiness or wakefulness

According to the National Cancer Institute, you cannot die of a marijuana or hemp overdose and here’s why:

“Cannabinoid receptors, unlike opioid receptors, are not located in the brainstem areas controlling respiration, lethal overdoses from Cannabis and cannabinoids do not occur.”

So, back to our topic, are there benefits to a high dosage of CBD?  At this point, it’s safe to say that even the FDA agrees that CBD is a natural anti-inflammatory agent; this is important because what causes pain is inflamed nerves and reducing the inflammation reduces pain.  Even athletes use CBD to help their bodies recover faster and it’s not considered a performance-enhancing drug, so it’s legal.

CBD oil has natural anti-inflammatories, which can go a long way in helping to treat chronic pain. It also contains muscle-relaxing properties that help ease pressure on sensitive nerves, reduce anxiety and help users sleep better.

A symptom I experienced from MS is leg spasticity; sometimes it appears as restless leg syndrome at night or muscle twitching in my quads.  For more information, see: https://multiplesclerosisnewstoday.com/2019/01/10/leg-spasticity-manage-ms-need-to-know/

I have found CBD to be very effective at relaxing the leg muscles enough to where it is no longer an issue. In conjunction with CBD usage, you might want to consider physical therapy to strengthen up muscles. I did because my knees were getting weak and the results have been good so far.

Clinical research into CBD oil for nerve degeneration diseases is in its relatively early stages, but most of it points to positive results. As researchers conduct more large-scale clinical trials of CBD oil, results are expected to demonstrate powerful and effective treatment of these diseases, so stay tuned.

Chronic pain has become an epidemic world-wide, especially as the Boomer generation approaches old age. For example, in Europe, chronic pain effects 1 in 4 elderly people. In Australia, this epidemic is of massive proportions, extending to over half of the elderly population, and as high as 80% of patients in nursing homes.

In the US, responses to an ABC News poll indicate as many as 38 million adults in the US deal with chronic pain on a daily basis, and as many as 12 million US citizens have used cannabis to help alleviate this pain. (http://abcnews.go.com/images/Politics/979a1TheFightAgainstPain.pdf)

The available medications for attempting to treat this pain are limited to nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), opiates, and anti-depressants; all hard-core drugs with harsh side effects of their own, and limited effectiveness. It’s almost as though the patient is trading a half-cure for being put on even more drugs to deal with the debilitating side effects. My opinion here, but this system seems oriented towards making money for the drug companies and not dealing with the issue in a practical and humane way.

There are benefits to using CBD in nerve degeneration:  https://wakeup-world.com/2016/03/20/cannabis-as-medicine-how-cbd-cannabidiol-benefits-the-human-brain-and-nervous-system/  

Nerve degeneration diseases like Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, and Huntington’s have some of the highest disease burdens. According to the World Health Organization, disease burdens are the number of healthy years affected by disability and death. With little to no cure for these diseases, we can only be thankful for CBD, and its phenomenal medicinal qualities.  

I don’t have experience with those diseases but for me, it’s all about quality of life.  You have a choice in the matter: it can rule your life if you let it or you can suck it up, control the symptoms the best you can and take back your life.  

While it’s still a drug, CBD is a natural plant based non-addictive drug that can be a useful option to help you get through life and enjoy the good things.

Due to lack of clinical research, dosing quantities are a trial and error kind of operation and everyone is different, so I suggest starting small and dialing it up in small increments until you find what works for you.

I’m an engineer by schooling so I’m a little particular on being exact. We put an eye dropper in our tincture bottles that is calibrated in 0.25 ml increments up to a full 1.0 ml.  In addition, we design products to have a 30-day supply. For example, if there is a 1200 mg tincture, your daily dose would be 40 mg of CBD for every 1.0 ml (since 1200 mg divided by 30 days is 40 mg/day).  You can use the eye dropper increments to dial in the exact dosage, or if you want less or more than the suggested daily dose.  

If anyone wants a large dosage, then we’ll do something divisible by 30; for instance 4800mg/30 = 160 mg per dose and you may want to try it numerous times daily to get up to your desired dosage per day.  Say you want 1280 mg per day, that’s 8 times per day of 160 mg.

On average, our experience has shown that the CBD effect lasts about 2-5 hours, depending upon body mass and metabolism, so I would suggest at a minimum, give yourself a dose in the morning and evening.  If pain is chronic, then use it a few times during the day as well. Your body will metabolize the CBD through your liver so if you find that the effect wears off after 4 hours, then take another dose at about the 3.5 hour mark so you have continuous coverage.

Like I said, it’s trial and error so you might want to keep a diary to help you make more accurate predictions on when and how much to take to dial in your dosage. This is an old school technique, but it works.

Although not confirmed, some clinical studies indicate the possibility of actual nerve regeneration for damaged nerves.  This will hopefully be a future topic of conversation.

If you have any comments or would like to see a high dosage CBD product, let me know at:

larry@pianissimocbdcafe.com or call me at 775-560-6171

Stay Healthy!  

Larry

[its-lifestyle]

My family is not very well off financially and, because of that, I had to give up my desire to further my studies.

I am a straight-A student and it hurts when all my life, I thought I’d be continuing my studies but, in the end, could not.

So after finishing school, I got a job but since I only have a high school qualification, I couldn’t go far in building a career.

I then decided to continue with my studies part-time. I have other financial commitments, like paying for my car, insurance, and so on.

I have cut down on my expenses, to the point that I won’t even go out for lunch because I don’t have enough money. I don’t have savings, which makes me worry even more. Yet, I have never asked for money from my parents. I would rather starve than ask for money from them because they will kill me with their words.

The problem now is my parents are forcing me to get a new car. I know it’s a good thing and there are many affordable cars in the market. However, my parents want me to get a car which costs over RM100,000!

Based on my financial status, I know I cannot afford that car. If I could, I would have definitely bought it even before they asked.

I have voiced out my situation to them, like, a million times, but my parents can’t seem to understand me. They still insist on me getting the car and even asked me to take up a personal loan to pay for the deposit.

My salary is not huge as I am only an SPM-level clerk. With the current economic situation where everything is so expensive, I have tried to do part-time business, but it didn’t turn out well.

I am not the only child. I have other siblings but all the responsibilities or commitments always fall on me. I feel so stressed!

I am actually quite depressed. I never share my work stress with anyone but always bottle it up in me. I know it’s bad, but I have no trusted soul to share my thoughts with.

I also realised recently that my best friends have been making fun of me behind my back and it hurt me so much. I have yet to overcome that. Juggling between work and part-time studies is not easy, yet I still managed to do it.

But when my close friends and family make my life stressful, I don’t know how to handle it and I feel lost.

I have no one to talk to about my problems and, of course, I wouldn’t want to make a bad impression in front of my family.

I cannot take it anymore. It is OK if my parents cannot give me moral support or motivate me in my daily life, but they are making my life even more miserable.

I have tried my best to explain things to them but they are not ready to accept or understand me.

Going back home just to hear sarcastic remarks, indirectly telling me that I am good for nothing, asking for money, asking me to buy a car are all too much and I am going crazy. Please help me.

Broken-hearted girl

I can’t imagine what your parents are thinking. It is completely unacceptable to drive anyone into taking out a loan for a car they don’t need, especially when they’re not financially secure.

You don’t say why you simply refuse to entertain this nonsense, and from the rest of your letter I suspect that this is part of a much deeper issue.

There’s no shame in being poor. But that’s not the problem here. You are clever, you work hard, and you have a clear plan for your future. That’s all excellent. You should be very proud of yourself.

However, your parents are not interested in your financial security, they don’t offer you any moral support, and they stigmatise you as useless. Yet they’re happy to hit you up for loans and they’re excellent at making your life a misery.

My dear, please go and see a counsellor, someone who has experience of emotional abuse. As you are low in funds, call an NGO.

Note: You need to consult with a person who has a Masters degree, or higher, in psychology or counselling, and you need a weekly appointment for some months. Try AWAM (Tel: 03-7877 4221).

It can be a shock to realise that you have toxic parents, but there are so many red flags in your letter, that I think you need to speak to someone urgently.

Let me explain a few things first.

We want to feel a good connection with our parents and family but when we’re unlucky and have toxic relatives, they make us stressed, depressed and anxious.

It is sometimes possible to improve the relationship. That takes time, insight and lots of work. At other times, there is no fixing it. If that is the situation, you have two basic options: Cut them off, or limit your contact with them.

I can see readers screaming but here it is: Nobody has the right to poison someone else’s life. If you are abusive and toxic, you risk having people walk out on you. And frankly, if you are a parent who makes your child’s life a misery, I have no sympathy for you if they decide to ditch you.

So, go and see a mental health professional. Have yourself assessed for depression, and then look into your family dynamics. Figure out what effective changes you can make.

Also look at your support network, to see who you can rope in to help you with emotional support during this difficult time.

Also, you need to discuss your friendship situation. You may be spot-on with your analysis. However, I offer you this hope: It may be that depression is leading you to imagine they are laughing at you.

You see, depression has a sneaky way of making neutral things seem negative. Do add it to your therapy goals list, OK?

As for the finances. Nobody gives a hoot about what you drive. Buy the cheapest reliable transport you can. Invest sensibly in your personal skills training so you can move up through the ranks, and tuck away money for your future.

If you don’t already have one, get a mentor at work. He or she will help support you as you make your way forward.

Good luck. I’ll be thinking of you.

from Family – Star2.com https://ift.tt/2K3YA4E

[thestonehearted]

Turning 18

Turning 18.

Wow. 18 years. So many things I thought I would do, to many things I thought I would become, so many places I thought I’d go and so many people I thought I’ll meet.

              I guess turning 18 excited me, I was excited to turn 18, say goodbye to my childhood, accept being a so called adult, with an open arms and an open heart. But it actually didn’t turn out that way, sadly I guess.

             It’s so fucked up that now is the time that I’m figuring shit out now, like I had it all planned out, where I’d be, somewhere far, beautiful, living my best life with some amazing people, with whom I’d just met. Definitely still not figuring it out. Definitely not. But then life had to become this unfair son of a bitch fucking me over so hard leaving me grasping for air.

             This year has definitely made me a stronger person, made me learn so much about myself, loose so much of myself, made me see who my people are and made me hold them closer. It started out pretty fucking amazing, with being in Oman, being the best that I had been, my mental health was STRIVIN there, I was so calm, at peace with myself. Still somehow shackled by anxiety, but I was happy, I could wake up every day and not think about going back to sleep. And for that I’m so fucking grateful for Priya Cheriamma and everyone else for making it that way for me because god knows I fucking needed it. I needed to just let go, for 11 years I was holding on so, so fucking tight to something which would soon leave me. I had to let go, Oman was spectacular, to not having to worry about anything when I wake up to going to sleep, so tired but happy with the day. It was nice, the evening walks, long talks with Priya cheriamma, bitchin’ with Dhanya, getting annoyed by Mohan Cheriachan and of course feeling so loved by Lehini it was so good. And I needed it. It also made me appreciate my parents more, not many people let their only child fly across the world alone just because they needed a break. Fuck man, it was beautiful.

             Coming back was okay, I did want to stay there longer but I also wanted to go home. I mean, I could stay at a 10 freaking star hotel and my room would still be my sanctuary. Home was great, sleeping in everyday, focusing on myself and only myself, that was great. Netflix, eat, chill, movie, ah that was the fucking life, improving my guitar skills and makeup skills, finding the confidence to actually sing and play. It was good for me, it really was.

             Then came spm results, I guess I still haven’t mourned, the failure, I mean I’ve spoken about it but I hadn’t processed the disappointment, I still don’t know where or how I fucked up, in my head I still did everything fucking right, I mean I did it all right for 11 fucking years all the sacrifices, the hours spent the money spent, the love and friendships lost, all of it went into vain. I guess that’s the most hurtful part, like I had one fucking job to do which was to get the best that I could ever get, and somehow I fucked up that shit. And I don’t think you could ever recover from something like that honestly, it hurts too much to think about, to know that there’s nothing left, that life is just that, you might never get a second chance because of how fucked up life is, its kinda heartbreaking and depressing to think about honestly.

             And then came Harry’s concert, the neon coloured fucking highlight of my life, damn that concert saved my life. At that point I had lost all hope, I was certain that I’m not gonna have future, one that i wanted one that I would like, or be proud of and I honestly thought I was not going to have a future. His concert was the light, it was the best day of my life, it made me think that there’s actually fucking great things in life. It kept me alive for more than a year. It made me have hope. It made me want to live. It was such a perfect day, I honestly would not change anything about it, not even a single thing. Ever.

             I was happy, I was grateful, I felt euphoria, and fuck it was a good feeling. That day 3/5/18, I did not have any negative feelings, at all and fuck that felt great. I say that it was the best day of my life, because all the  emotions that I had felt, it was all of extreme and pure joy, excitement, and gratitude for how fucking beautiful life can get. And listening to meet me in the hallway live, oh fuck that was fucking beautiful. At that moment it felt so beautiful, to hear my favourite song in the entire world live by my sweet angel Harry damn I would give anything to relive it everyday for the rest of my life. That concert also pushed me, it pushed me out of my comfort zone, it made me meet new fucking amazing people, those who I genuinely hope will be part of my life for a very very very long time. And I got to touch Harry as well, that was just wow. Going was one thing, being at barricade was another, BUT TOUCHING HIM? Bitch wake me the fuck up. It was truly an amazing experience. Elating if you would call it. I say with confidence that I would not be alive today if it weren’t for that concert. After getting my results, it felt as if I was pushed into this deep abyss of what failure feels like and the concert was my life jacket, one of the few things I managed to salvage from the surface, and it held me long enough, long enough for me to learn how to thread water in that place, and god I wanted to die and end it all when it ended. As dramatic as it sounds, I lost all hope, what the fuck was hope, I remember so clearly bawling my eyes out in the shower and fuck it hurt, it hurt bad. Real bad. But that’s the thing about hope it fucks you up so hard leaving you breathless and without a will to live.

             And two weeks before that was Zedd and fuck that was so much of fun, I hadn’t had so much fun in very long. It was just fun, no emotions, no overthinking, just losing myself in my favourite thing  in this fucked up sphere of life, music, god that was just fun. But that’s just the thing about concerts, so fucking beautiful, it lets you loose yourself, you become one with the music, you feel the goddamn music in every cell in your body, you feel it running in your veins, you feel it in your soul, that 2 hours of euphoria, it leaves a marking on your being.

             And after the Harry concert came my worst nightmare, it’ s all a blur until now, how I survived for this long, despite being this fucked up, how I managed to still be in one piece despite being in so much agony, despite suffering every day, despite sing life pass me by, despite being so fucking depressed it hurts to wake up every day. God it fucking hurts.

             But in all honestly, I’ve got to give it to myself, despite being so fucked up, I am still here. I’ve fucking learnt that I am a strong ass bitch. I fucking survived 8 fucking months in hell with constant anxiety, pain and feeling so so dark that when light enters its so fucking overwhelming that I still want to die. Matrix has thought me a lot about myself, despite it making me loose so much of myself that some days I don’t even recognize the person in the mirror. I’ve learnt to love myself. Because there will be certain points in your life where you’re so irrevocably alone and you’ve gotta lick your own wounds. So what I’ve learnt is that fuck self love is so fucking important.

             I’ve also learnt a lot about the person who I thought I wanted to be, and also the person I want to be now. I learnt that the most important thing in life is to be an actual good person, and that’s all I want to be in life honestly. I want to be good, genuine and I’m slowly getting there. I want to help, I want to love, because on my darkest of days, having a string of fucking straight A’s for every exam, that shit’s so fucking useless. Being a good person is underrated, good, genuine people should be celebrated, should be put on fucking pedestals on life.

             I’ve been so blessed in my life, minus the fucked up hell of matrix that I’m at, I just want to cry and die and smash things, that place fucks me up. BUT OTHER THAN THAT haha I’ve been so blessed with a lot. A lot of love, choices and everything and sometimes it overwhelmes me to the point of tears, so that’s why I wanted to give back. I want to give back to the people who don’t have that choice, who don’t have the comfort, the safety. And this us me being clear that I want to give it to the WOA. Bless them, everyone deserves to feel safe, appreciated, and loved, so hopefully, I can play a small teeny part in helping these unfortunate women and children be somewhere a tiny bit closer to a life they deserve. And I hope I receive clarity, about myself and my life in return, does that make me selfish?

             This year has also thought me a lot about the people around me, and this new lessons have pushed me to love myself, because people even the closest to you, are fucked up and when given the chance will fuck you up as bad. I guess what I learnt is that once you find that genuine ass group of people who love you and actually want the best and want you to be happy, hold on to them for dear life because fuck genuine people are more extinct than fucking white tigers. Don’t expect people to do shit for you, do it and be that person for yourself, but know how people think and feel. Fuck with people who want you to be actually happy, and want the best for you, because those people are the best and what you can do for the universe in exchange is wish everyone to be happy and to wish the best for them. And be genuine.

             Also know that if people screw with you, the problem is actually within them and rarely you. That’s the thing about toxic people, they are filled with so much toxic that its bound to leak, and the closer you get the more potent it feels and gets. And also never, ever trust anyone wholeheartedly, roommates or cousins or classmates baby I know you just want to belong but they don’t care about you at all, they really don’t and understanding this and finally comprehending this will kill a part of you, but honey you’re a string as bitch and you yourself can revive it. And never put so much emotion into any relationship because how good it is, it will come back to bit you in the ass.

             So tie an allegorical bow around this, don’t expect shit from people, emotions, actions, be that person for yourself because despite whatever the world tells you, you deserve it. You so deserve it. Choose good people who want you to be happy and what you can do for this world is be your authentic self and be genuine cz baby that’s beautiful.

             And that’s my year, fucked up, messy and weird but beautiful nonetheless. It  was a year of awakening, understanding and broadening of perspective and I’m honestly proud of myself for making it this far. And to top it all of I am fucking amazing and I know that and I don’t need anyone to tell me that or fucking otherwise. Peace out, its been one hell of a ride.

[hmmireallydontknowwhattonam-blog]

who is that person you want to seek forgiveness from?

i would like to say

I’m sorry

to myself

For being wrong.

I know that medicine has always been the ultimate dream. its not only- oh yeah, for the sake of you to understand my story, after spm, i went to egypt, specifically tanta, to further my study in medicine. its a 6-years course, i came back for good after 3 years. i didnt finish.

I wanted to do medic not only because i want to help people, the course itself is vast & fascinating. its one way to understand how we, the complex creature, is made. i always has something for medicine.

depression introduced itself to me on my first year when i failed 2 of my subjects. at first, it was only sad, negative vibe, nothing much. Approaching the end of 2nd year, i develop anxiety, i got really sick few days before exams and i cried. a lot. During that 2nd year, egypt was having revolution. remember the arabs spring. i was there. I was there when egypt declare what do you call, darurat. i was there when the curfew is 24/7. even Egyptian was not out when the sun shine so bright outside. no shops open. i was one of many malaysian that go evacuate to jeddah. we have to wait for almost a week there before we can go back home that experience is interesting & worth telling, but thats not my point today.

on my 3rd year, after the egypt is done with its revolution, i came back to continue my fight. i cried at every chance i get. of course only when im alone. thats why i dont like being alone. im an introvert, i love having my own space, but what choice do i have than to be with friends, when that personal space of mine has been invade by monsters that i do not know how to defeat yet. why i cry? i cry for the damnest things. i think thats the hardest to explain when depression is involved. i cant seems to stop crying, i even wonder to myself, just how much tears i have in my lacrimal gland

i give myself kata dua. which i regret until now.

if i want to continue medic, i need to seek help from professional for my depression, because i dont know how to fight this heads on. if you dont want to seek help, quit medic

the thing that i didnt know that time is even if i quit medic, depression will still be there to torture me. nobody told me that depression is like a house guest that didnt know when to leave. i thought if i eliminate the source where i get to know depression, it will be gone as well. i didnt know i was so wrong.

Admitting i have depression is easy. but admitting that i do not know how to control my depression is extremely difficult. i thought to myself, if i didnt know how to handle it, how is you gonna help me do that. you do not know it. im trying to protect you from it. 

i tried to describe my hopelessness in just breathing at the presence of depression. everything is pitch dark, my limbs are amputated, i cant even mengengsot to move, i cant do anything to move. the earth seems spinning, but i cant seems to move. so i give up in moving. in hope, i will be let go.

when i tried to describe it, my best friend told me, dear, everyone has depression. it was like a stab to my heart, i know she meant well, i dont hold it against her. im telling not so you can identify with me, im telling because i want you to help me kill the beasts. i hv nothing on me, i cant even make a sound. my voice has been taken by depression. i just want everything to stop. help me. kill that beasts for me. free me.

when she told me that, i stop asking for help

since i do not want to seek help, i quit medic.

it was not the end of depression.

i got a place to do my degree in acc & fin, i secured a place in this course and also land a job before my grad ceremony. it seems like im fine. but im not.

during my degree in acc & fin, i develop a suicidal thought. do you want to know how i would want to kill myself? i never like the idea of hurting myself. i have experience enough hurt. i just want to go easy. i just want to leave unhurt

close all the doors & windows. open that aircond. light up my fave aromatherapy candle. did you know that if you light up a candle in an air cond room, you gonna be suffocate? i thought thats the nicest way to go. death in my sleep. without feeling any pain.

i am a mess. even with everything i have so far, which is not that much but okay lah i earn some money, im actually a wreck. last sem, during our final exams, my career is taking off fine, seniors & boss is noticing me, i got exams but im fired up. so i thought wth, i can do this. i can bring this down.

until my ex starts with his soon marriage on fb. he’s an ex, i dont really care. until he told me that he has not move on from me yet. All this time, i thought he was not interested, org dah tanak, kita nk paksa buat apa kn. so i put my heart at rest. but bila dia ckp mcm tu, my heart, its tetibe... i guess this heart of mine still thought him as idk. how do you convince yourself that that someone is a future that never gonna happen? i was devastated upon learning that.

i immediate call my friend. i cannot handle this alone. i cant do this. i dont know how to nail this. im afraid depression gonna grip me hard this time. i need someone to catch me first and make some sense out of these. so i called my friend. a friend who is as crazy as me, bcoz only like-mind can make me understand & understand me without me saying much.

Alhamdulillah, everything went well. if you guys tak buat study group, stay at hotels, i dont know what kind of result im getting. i dont even know if im going to show up. you may not know how important your role is at that point of my life, but i pray to God everyday that you will be blessed for the rest of your life. i got 3.59 i guess, so thank you. thats more than i could ever ask for, given my situation.

i did sign up for professional session, following the situations. but i cancelled last minute. the dr asked why. i told her the truth, that im not ready yet.

so you see, even after 4 years since i left medic, im still struggling. had i knew that i will still be struggling either way, i would have never let myself let go of medic. i could have been a dr rn. maybe we will meet under very different circumstances. 

im sorry that even after all this years, i still cant take care of us. im sorry that im not strong enough. im sorry. im terribly sorry for not ending this misery already. im so sorry.