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causeitsoundsgood · 9 months ago

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911 rewatch thoughts:

Season 1

Episode 1: BABY BUCK

Is that why they call you firehose? 😂

Bobby’s we leave that at the door… uh huh for now we do.

Athena called him cowboy 😭

Also where are Hen’s glasses?

Episode 2: The 🎢

DON’T YOU DARE TELL BUCK HE FAILED HIM.

I hope Buck’s therapist looses EVERYTHING. She is the ick 🤢🤢🤢

I love Athena too much, Michael is an ass and I want someone to smack him.

I think Abby was interesting the first watch through but I’m feeling very meh about her this time, like can we be done yet?

I miss Eddie 😩

I knew May had an attempt and I forgot it was in this episode 💔

Episode 3 - bounce house off the cliff

The winch is fun 💀

WHAT THE FUCK MICHAEL??? WHY DID HE COME IN THE HOSPITAL MICHAEL??

Momma Athena is FIERCE and I love her 😍

“This girl” Michael that’s your fucking daughter 🙄

Athena please use that left hand to smack that man ugh

Tatianna can go away now

Chimney IS a keeper but you very very much are not

Chim 😭

Bobby - let’s go it’s Chimney 😭

Bobby’s our job end right at these doors like always - ok Bobby tell me that a couple seasons from now Bobby

GO HEN!!

Why does Buck keep answering Abby’s phone calls when he’s on a call?? - I think Abby bugs me more than I thought ugh 🙄

I know it sucks but I’m glad Tatianna left, that kind of resentment sucks the life out of everything and I don’t think she’s a bad person. I mean it’s mean and she sucks but I don’t think it makes her a bad person.

Am I not loving Carla here or do I just want Chris and Eddie?

Am I not loving Carla here or is she just around Abby?

Hey Chim you can do the maneuver

It’s alright his family is right here 😭😭😭

Episode 4: the plane crash

Why did I think this was the golf club episode?? I’m gonna cry

Also why the fuck don’t people listen to flight attendants? And why do you think the bathroom is a safe place to be when landing?

Buck LEAVE THE BOOK ALONE.

Athena please don’t go anywhere near that girl - but I get it do what you gotta do

Buck I told you to leave, I know Bobby I’m a terrible listener ❤️

How did I miss that Bobby and the mom got pulled out by a helicopter? That was fucking cool!

I love you Annie and that’s not going to die even if I do today - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME 😭😭😭

Abby this find this phone call acceptable.

Go Athena!!! I love you 😍 Angela Bassett is a certified bad ass!

Is there not some version of Hippa for first responders?

Bobby �� I don’t think I have enough tears for everyone 😭

Athena I think we both have issues asking for help…

Buck I’m gonna kick the door down. Hen no I have a key. Buck hasn’t even been there a year and he’s already Bobby’s important I’m getting to him now.

Nope I’m definitely loving Carla! I just miss the boys and Abby bothers me.

Episode 5 - the wedding crash

I should count how many times Buck does some sort of rope rescue

Ugh I forgot how much I hate Eva. She’s a walking mass destruction.

You’re right Hen she’s not your girl. I wish you would keep it that way.

Buck “I gotta fix it” Buckley - I feel like he doesn’t give himself enough credit for how smart and resourceful he is. Like yeah he’s a mid twenties dude and he’s gonna be a little dumb sometimes but he gets shit done and he takes care of people and he’s good at it. Someone needs to love and cuddle him real good.

What kind of money do you have to be making to be able to rent two apartments and be able to afford drugs and alcohol? That shits expensive.

Also watching this basically back to back as the story line with Amir really shows how far Bobby gets. I know he mentions it to the priest that the building wasn’t up to code but I don’t think he ever fully reconciles that with himself. He was a fucking mess and needed rehab and had issues but I don’t think he actually killed those people, the landlord did.

I don’t think Hen really understands how much Karen knows and sees. Also Hen wearing sunglasses keeps a separation between them. I think it’s a great way to have Hen see Karen while Hen tries to hide from Karen because Hen knows this is an issue and I think Hen also knows she’s gonna fuck up and she does.

The first time I watched I like the relationship between Buck and Abby and I do think in a lot of ways it’s a good growing relationship for him but I can’t get over how she leaves him and now their age difference BOTHERS me, he left existence bothers me.

I love Bobby and how much he loves Hen and Chim and Buck ❤️

Episode 6 - the one where Athena almost dies… the first time

Why do men do such stupid shit when trying to propose??? Nice job landing in the golf course though.

I love that Athena is already hanging out at the firehouse, but I’m not sure that she likes Abby.

This lady is fucking crazy. Like real crazy. I can’t watch this crazy shit imma skip most of this.

Bobby tying Bucks tie is very dad behavior and I love it.

The music in this show is amazing, there goes my heart for an organ transplant in Valentine’s Day (with a kidney transplant)

I feel like they were trying to get Abby more into hands on stuff but the audience didn’t love her. Like having her do an emergency tracheotomy on Buck, what. Like yes keep our boy alive but why was that necessary.

I know they had to have something happen to Athena for the drama of it all but I feel like even with all the family bs she has going on her instincts would have kept her out of the crazy lady situation.

Even when Abby is being good to Buck and saving his life I still can’t get past how she leaves him later and I just can’t like her.

Also their age difference bothers me, she’s 42 and he’s what 26? And at some point she says something about Buck being a boy toy but even here Buck is trying to be more than Buck 1.0 and he’s doing so good and I feel like she doesn’t actually want or appreciate that and I think he deserves a whole lot better.

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findafight · 3 years ago

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Oh my god!!! That Steve/baby sister fic!!! If you ever want to build it out more I’d be obsessed (ie the party + extended party’s reactions, hop + Joyce and how everyone pitches in)

╰⁠(⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠´⁠꒳⁠`⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠)⁠╯ awwww anon!!!!!

Honestly I have been thinking about it and I know I put in the tags of the original post, buuuut. Robin called Steve Bud or Buddy which morphed into Bubba when they are being particularly soft with each other, and the baby (who I am possibly leaning towards calling Tina so her nickname can be Tintin because it's cute idk) picks up on it so calls Steve her Bubba. Also because "he's my big brother" can sort of become "he's my Bubba!" If words are smushed together by baby babble

But before all that, Steve (who walked to work that day because he didn't have a baby car seat yet and wasn't going to leave his baby sister whom he always wanted and loves so dearly already ALONE or worse. With their FATHER.) goes to, of all people, Mrs. Wheeler for help. He'd go to Joyce but she's working and Karen Wheeler has the youngest kid he knows so is the best bet for maybe getting some tips and also maybe a carrier because the bjorn isn't going to cut it for long. So he goes and Mr. Wheeler immediately thinks Steve's Accidental Baby Acquisition is due to Steve's own recklessness. (Steve is a prolific lover, sure, but he's smart and safe about it! When he was thirteen his dad sat him down for a talk about not wanting the disgrace of a shotgun wedding and his grandpa gave him a run down of venereal diseases he saw (didn't mention having but. Well.) His pals have in WWII that put the fear of God in him regarding unsafe sex. Moreso than the potential babies. So. He's always very careful. For this very reason!! Except apparently his dad didn't use his own advice but Steve isn't complaining because, once again, he always wanted a little sibling.)

Anyways the wheelers are like ohhhh a Harrington Scandal not involving the boy our daughter dated? Okay sure here's Holly's old baby carseat. Hopper is just. He's like. I thought Steve and that kid I kept giving warnings to about selling dope to were a thing and Steve is like "will people stop assuming she's mine!! I know I am a bit of a slut but I am terrified of chlamydia!!! And even if this WAS my fault (which it is not and also she's a gift I love you little baby sister you're the light of my life) I am taking responsibility for it so maybe we all need to be a little less judgy hmmm??"

Joyce and Karen give him some hand me down baby clothes and books, some good tips about feeding and burping and things like that, and Claudia and Sue offer to come passive aggressively congratulate Steve's dad.

Dustin is a little jealous because this Steve Time is going to be encroached upon by This Literal Infant but Steve is like Dustin... you are my Little Brother... My silly pal...Now you have a sister too!! 🥰 And Dustin is like Oh Shit That's Right and proceeds to try to teach this Literal Infant, it cannot be stressed enough that she is a few months old and cannot stay sitting up by herself, how to build a radio.

Eddie is just trying to not have a heart attack from the concentration of Pure Longing activated by seeing Steve With A Baby and has also been forbidden from playing anything loud near them. He is fine and deals with this by writing ballads that make Gareth gag from their sweetness and Jeff have a very knowingly indulgent look when he sees the lyrics. But Gareth lets he hit his drums with he baby hands and Jeff pretends she stole his nose so they aren't that put out by it.

El is Fascinated by the tiny human and asks lots of questions and wants to play with her, give her experiences of softness and kindness right off the bat she knew she herself was denied, so she's often the official baby holder when Steve needs to do something when the Party is around.

The rest of the party is pretty meh on the baby. Sure it's exciting at first but she just kinda becomes part of regular life. They take turns doing actual babysitting for Steve so he can work or run errands or even, gasp, have some normal early adult fun times, but it's all pretty regular. Erica is glad she's not the party baby anymore.

They do however probably secretly fight over who gets to be baby's godparent. Steve isn't allowed to know.

#anonasaurus #steve harrington #big brother steve #the party #stranger things #steddie #platonic stobin #dustin and steve #findaanswers #finda's rambles #finda writes stuff

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dragonmuse · 3 years ago

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so we already know how lucius' house feels abt horror movies but id love to know who else are horror haters vs horror enjoyers? and for the enjoyers which is their favorite subgenre

Ooooh fun. So you know my baseline, I love reading horror, like watching some kinds of it. Haunting of Hill House, both the original book, the black and white movie and the fucking amazing Netflix series are very much my jam. I'm meh on Stephen King, but absolutely love Clive Barker.

Lucius- No horror, no thanks, except that he does on occasion watch a slasher film because it's on. Not because he likes them, you understand. Sometimes things just fall in front of your eyes. He does read horror novels occasionally. It's his travel genre and lately he's been digging into Joe Hill's earlier work.

Pete- Loves them! All kinds of horror films. He likes other kinds of movies too. Sometimes if they get really really gory he might take a step back, but of course they never really scare him. Pete doesn't get scared! He might get a little more cautions. That's all.

John- Also loves them! But is very easily spooked. He can only watch them with other people and definitely prefers jump-scare style churned out sequels. He has seen a ton of slashers. More art house kind of horror actually scares him even more. Midsommer took about a week off his life.

Frenchie- No. Nope. Not interested, not even a little, thanks. Aliens and ghosts are real and you do not fuck with that shit. He will not hear that some horror movies are not about about those things, it's a blanket no. He has, however, seen all of Hannibal and really loves it. Will not accept that it's technically horror.

Jim- They would never admit it in a million years, but they saw Sixth Sense as a kid and it gave them nightmares for weeks. They absolutely will not watch a horror movie if they can figure a way out of it.

Oluwande- Not his thing. He will if other people want to see it and be okay with it, but he's not looking for it. He does like campfire ghost stories and urban legends though. When he was a kid, he read a ton of R.L. Stine. He and Roach have an inside joke about Mothman.

Stede- Loves a creature feature, the more vintage the better (he did get Alma started on them after all). Always had a soft spot for Swamp Thing. He saw the Ed Wood biopic several times. Many times. Let's not dissect that. He has a low tolerance for anything bloody, will not watch anything with torture in it. He's the Shirley Jackson fan of the bunch, but his favorite is We Have Always Lived in a Castle.

Eddy- Omnivore movie watcher thanks to years of insomnia in hotel rooms, so they've seen a lot of horror along with everything else. She comes in on the more 'no thanks' side these days. Once they bought Pan's Labyrinth on pay-per-view without knowing what it was and wound up watching it all the way through twice. They still think about it sometimes and aren't sure why. Maybe it's the eyeballs in the hands thing.

Alma- Has and will watch anything she can get her hands on. She especially loves monster movies because those are her roots, but she has branched out and is not deterred by subtitles. Vampire movies are probably her all time favorite and even though it's not really horror, her all time fave vampire flick is Only Lovers Left Alive.

Roach- Eh. It doesn't scare him, but he doesn't much like it either. Does absolutely love a cryptid though. He doesn't think they're real, but...what if they were, you know?

Izzy- He likes mysteries which can sometimes verge into horror territory. Also he likes Hitchcock a lot. He's got a black and white film sensibility all the way around. A lot of the mystery series he reads verge into pretty graphic horror like territory too, especially the serial killer stuff. He really liked the Archie Sheridan and Gretchen Lowell series by Chelsea Cain.

Charlie- Cannot watch even a single minute, but can read the absolute goriest stuff imaginable. The book he mentions to Izzy in the latest chapter is real by the way. Dan Wells 'I Hunt Killers' series is supernatural Dexter for teens and it's great and Charlie loves it.

Buttons- Never watches them, but was once an extra in a zombie movie and they let him keep his costume so he has that in his closet. Also, he was once mistakenly spotted and reported as cryptid on a reddit forum.

#leda house and the kraken verse #ask answered

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patroclusonly · 5 years ago

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Well y’all, here is my awaited (by like, two people) really long post explaining why I think Bobby is not that great of a character and why I hate his relationship with Buck.

(this was supposed to be for a reblog but it’s way tooo long for that)

Be warned, this will be me pointing out everything he did wrong and why the way he acts with Buck is just wrong too in a very direct way and with lots of swearing because that's how I express my anger in writing. So, if you like Bobby you probably won’t like this.

I will put a cut here so only the people that want to read it, do it

To start let me say what I think about the man.

Bobby is the most boring character in the show. There, I said it.

Yeah, his backstory is super sad and whatever but he’s just bland and I think the reason the fandom loves him so much and loves to see him as a father figure is because he’s an old, non-threatening, white man. He said two coherent thoughts in season one and treated Buck like a kid and everyone bought this “nice, wise and always right” idea of him.

Also, his natural stand is the ‘welcome to chili's’ stand. Yes. You know it is. Okay, keep going.

To be someone so “mature” and “wise”, he has the emotional maturity of a child. He snaps when he’s angry, he gives the silent treatment and he changes the subject when he feels threatened.

Every time he’s mad at himself or about something in his life, he snaps at the team or even at people in calls, he gets defensive when someone calls him out on his self righteousness and his superiority complex. Now, to expand that i’m going to give some examples:

-He snaps at Chimney when they learn about the blood thing and he gets mad at the fact that now he has something good in his life because he doesn’t deserve it and so he’s all moody at work???

-He snaps at Hen days after asking for her help to stay sober,

-He snaps at Buck when he says he read his book and even gets physical, pushing him against the wall

*Now, because I have a thing against men and threatening physical movements, I’m going back to episode one and how he physically moves to make Buck feel scared (that he might hit him) when he walks towards him in the roof, making him back up.* (yes, Buck was afraid of his reaction and since he’s Buck he wasn’t just gonna stand up to him, much less because it was Bobby, and I’m pretty sure he (bobby) knew that)

-Also, the way he says “what did you just said to me?” to Buck in 3.18 like Buck had just insulted him. That was just a stupid and out of place reaction, not a reaction of a boss in the middle of a disaster but it will be talked about later.

-That one time when he snaps at the owner of the building where the floor collapsed during the wedding

-That one time he snaps (and again, gets physical and pushes him against a wall) at the dude in the episode with the vegan protesters because he can’t handle how he’s feeling about Buck and the lawsuit. (I’m vegan so yeah, fuck that dude, but the point is: that was another immature and unprofessional reaction)

(I could take that time when Michael is telling him he’s done enough (after harry sets a fire on purpose to play firefighter) and Bobby says “What’s that supposed to mean?” But I won’t because that’s just another immature reaction but for different reasons)

Going to the silent treatment or change of subject when he feels threatened:

-When Chimney is telling the team he proposed to Tatiana and Bobby is standing as Chim says “silently judging right there with that smirk on your face” (which is the vibe he gives all the time, thinking he knows best, and now quoting De Luca, who was a little jealous but a lot right saying “you come in here with your nose in the air and your eyes looking down”) then he just says “you know what? you’re upset. Let’s drop it.”But Chim keeps pushing and then he just attacks back.

-Also, he wants things his way and isn’t willing to understand the other’s reason for something. “I’m not gonna be satisfied with stolen kisses and take out containers. I don’t like keeping us a secret. It feels like lying.” (remember when Eddie says to Buck “a lot of Is there”? mhmm) and the fact that he worded it that way makes it worse. Also, “it feels like lying” really? what are you, five?

-another moment that shows his immaturity and stupid things he’s said: “Well what am I supposed to do? Forget it, forget all the mean thing she said to her?” Are you a grown man talking about your wife (who can fix her own shit, thank you very much) and her mother, or about a little kid getting bullied bro?

Jumping to the next time we see Athena’s mother. In episode 7 from season 3 he literally calls her so she would make Athena stop investigating Emmeth’s case and after she convinces Athena to tell them everything, he tells her he can do it, like he’s giving her his permission or his blessing to do it? She was gonna do it anyway, fool.

another stupid line: “he called me a liar and it stung.” why does he sound like a five year old all the time?

another stupid thing he said because he doesn’t take blame in anything apparently (and this is going to be mentioned again when I get into his relationship with Buck but I’m going to talk about it now too) Athena jokes about not inviting Buck over anymore because something always happens and Bobby says “That’s a great idea. None of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t invited him over for dinner.” (HMMMMM)

Also, he’s mocking and condescending. But well, I don’t have the time to find all the scenes for that. Let’s just say he is with Chim sometimes (maybe some other character, let me know if you have someone in mind) and then with Buck the rest of the time and you can clearly see it.

There are some other examples that could be used here but will be used to analyze his and Buck’s relationship in this next part.

Now the idea was to divide this by season and try to organize by episode but it got a little messy. You can understand everything anyway and that’s what matters, okay?

Season 1:

You can see the potential for a father-son relationship, but all the patience and understanding he has at the beginning is gone after the roof scene (personally, I think it’s all about projecting his own past mistakes and that why he looks so angry and resentful).

He goes from “He just needs a little direction” and explaining things like why Buck can’t go into the hospital with the baby to “leave your problems behind” and kind of shaming him for sleeping around? Saying “we work with women side by side” as if Buck was harassing someone?

“So you wanna disrespect yourself, that’s fine with me. You wanna disrespect all these women that you chase around, that’s on them.” He’s clearly way too old school and apparently doesn’t understand that as long as there’s consent, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping around, it’s not something to be ashamed of. And Bobby (the whole team, honestly but Bobby has some defining lines) make him feel so ashamed to the point that once he feels bad about himself when he wants to start having sex again.

Then after Buck comes back to the station with the truck, after helping with the little girl, he asks Bobby if he’s giving him another chance and Bobby says he’s out of chances and that he “failed to communicate” how lucky they are to do what they do.

To which Buck answers: “You’re wrong, Bobby. I absolutely do get what a privilege it is to serve here, and you know what? You were right to fire me. I was a punk. I still am one. But I’m a punk who understands what he lost.” I think between that and the “I don’t have anything else.” he said in the roof scene, Bobby should’ve stopped doubting Buck’s commitment to the job.

But he stil thinks throughout the seasons that he doesn’t take it seriously and that it’s all a game for him.

In episode two, you can see once again the potential to this relationship when Buck thinks he’s letting Bobby down and Bobby takes the time to sit with him and explain that it’s okay to feel like that after losing someone and that he should talk to someone. And he helps him past that fear (when he tells him to do the maneuver) because he knows he’s just afraid and needs a little push.

(Also, maybe this is not as important but he says “this is not a family” to Buck, but when they’re in the hospital with Chimney after the rebar thing he says “his family is right here”? Which is it man?)

(Also pt 2, I don’t like tatiana but he was super rude. “this is not about love, it’s about decency”. How about you find a better way to phrase your thoughts bro, because somehow you come out with the rudest thing to say every time.)

In episode three, Buck insists about knowing about his little book and Bobby just, pushes him against the wall?? And everyone is like, okay with it??

In episode fours he relapses (still don’t understand what triggers him?But I guess alcoholism is a complicated thing). Buck and Hen help him and he’s all snappy with Hen.

Now, with the flashbacks you can see how he’s been an alcoholic for years and his wife tells him that she thought he would do everything to stay sober so he “wouldn’t be caught at work again.”

And he says “I’m strong. I’m unbreakable. I’m superman. I go into burning buildings and I come out without a scratch. That’s me.” You can see why he projects so much on Buck, but he’s projecting about the wrong thing.

Buck doesn’t think he’s invincible, he just would do anything to save people. Even put himself in danger. And yeah, thinking he can do anything while in the uniform is something that we see him say but it’s still not the same thing.

(And this is just me being petty about how bland he is but that scene is supposed to be sad and it’s just meh. His wife tells him to leave because she can’t see him and he gives the blandest (and kinda rude considering the situation) “then what?” and when she tells him “I’ll forgive you, just not tonight.” he just goes out again and keeps drinking.)

Also, we know he spent years working while drinking but he can’t let Buck work while just sleeping around

Okay, I kinda lost the episodes’ numbers here but when Buck starts seeing Abby and he asks Bobby for advice, his advice fucking suck.

“Why don’t you try something new, just once, getting to know her.” Now, listen here, my boy Buck wanted that intimacy shit. Remember when he asked for truck girl’s number in episode one? That was him wanting more, but he hadn’t been lucky there so just, meaningless sex was the other option for closeness.

“If you’re interested in her, a woman like that deserves chivalry.”

“Any woman with substance and experience has lived a life and she’s gonna come with some baggage.”

He is the definition of old school sexist. My man, every woman deserves chivalry, okay? And please rethink how you value a woman’s worth, thank you.

(Another comment about episode eight: He was snappy and mad a himself and just drops the bomb on Chim about his plan of killing himself???Go to therapy bro, Chimney did not needed that weight on him.)

Entering season 2 (which doesn’t have that much scenes between them)

Let’s jump directly to the famous “I feel like, if I ever did that, you would yell at me.” that Buck says because he’s so right. He’s always treated like a reckless kid that doesn’t think things through but the fact is that he’s really smart and his plans and the times he’s jumped in to save people have worked out just fine?

You can see the difference between how he treats Buck, who has been working for over a year now, and how he treats Eddie, who is supposedly a probie, from the start.

And as a mutual pointed out not long ago and it stuck with me, Bobby plays favorites and Eddie is clearly his favorite. He can do no wrong and doesn’t need to be told what to do. He has Bobby’s trust without even working for it and Buck, who’s been there working his ass off for the recognition (not the approval) that he is good at his job (because it’s everything for him), gets nothing but being told off over and over.

In Bobby Begins Again we learn that after he almost drank himself to death, Bobby gets sober again and tries to come back as fast as he can to work and he just wants the big boss to make it happen. Doesn’t stop to think maybe he’s not ready yet, he just wants to go back to work to, as he says, “atone for what I’ve done in my own way and if you won’t let me do that then send me some place that will.” (also, again, and example of wanting for things to go his way, no matter what)

He also doesn’t even stop to think about how much he fucked up and that, even though he thinks he’s ready to go back, everyone else might not think that. (Also, other reason as to why he projects so much on Buck)

Then 2.18 happens. Everything starts to go wrong for Buck and good for Bobby.

Bobby goes back to work and Buck has months of recovery after the truck bombing. That was aimed for Bobby. And to which he never apologised or said anything about.

They can’t fire the “guy who was a hero on the 6 o’clock news” but they can not let back the guy that was actually crushed, because the “hero” doesn’t allow it.

He’s looked as a hero but everyone forgets that it happened because of him in the first place.

Season 3:

In episode one, Bobby thinks Buck is ready to come back. Then the blood clots happen and he starts projecting again.

“I thought I could handle it. Lied to everybody, ignored the pain. I don’t want him making the same mistakes that I did. The job should mean a lot, but it shouldn’t mean everything. He’s gotta learn that.”

Buck was out for five? six months? And the blood clots were something he couldn’t see coming. It’s not that a month happened and he wanted to go back, even when he wasn’t fully healed. He did everything right but still, Bobby was projecting through his own past mistakes.

Also “The job should mean a lot, but it shouldn't mean everything. He’s gotta learn that.” Bobby should only be worried about Buck being able to do his job because other people depend on him, not try to teach him some life lesson. And Buck was able to do his job, he passed the recertification, the clots were just a set back. He should’ve been able to come back after healing from that.

Athena sees how Bobby is bringing feelings into it. [“He’s not my kid”]

“No. But he’s also not you. Maybe he’s making the same mistakes you did. Maybe he’s not.”

Bobby says “Just wait and see?” and I thought he would understand and he would let Buck back and wait to see if he actually had a reason behind his doubt.

“You gotta let them grow up sometime.” Athena says, clearly seeing that Bobby is too attached to Buck and does (kinda) try to protect him like a kid.

(Now, from here on I forgot (again) to write down some of the episodes’ numbers so it’s a bit of a blur but I’ll keep talking about how Bobby keeps projecting and lying)

We know that Bobby gets a call to talk about if Buck and his return to work. Let’s keep that in mind for a second.

“It’s the blood thinners. The department is concerned about liability issues and since the doctors haven’t figured out what’s causing the clots.” He lies. Right to his face.

“Well, Buck if we were out on a call and something happened to you…” He acts all concerned about how they can’t be worrying about him while on a call. Let’s remember now how Chimney got a rebar through his head and got stabbed and within a month he was back, and no one was worried about him getting any side effects in the job.

“Then I would have two paramedics standing next to me. I would be fine.”

“They can’t do this to me. You can’t let them take away my job.”

“Out there in the world, helping people. That is where I belong. That is where I have spent five months fighting to get back to. And now you’re gonna tell me that I can’t?”

“I don’t want light duty, okay. And neither would you. I quit.”

Now those are all things Buck said and Bobby, at any moment, could’ve said something like “I was the one to tell them you weren’t ready but as soon as you get cleared, you’ll be back.” But he chose to keep quiet, to keep lying.

And then he dares to say “Buck has us”? Really? Like he wasn’t the actual cause of everything Buck was going through.?

Then Buck goes back for light duty as fire marshall and Bobby says: “For what is worth, I’m proud of you. I’m glad you didn’t throw away your career ‘cause you had a little set back.” (and dares to be annoyed with Buck for how he is as a fire marshall)

“I promise you, your place will still be here for when you’re ready” PROJECTING.

The whole scene with Bobby, Athena and Buck at dinner is Bobby being a coward because he knows what he’s doing is wrong. The projecting and lying.

“You’re not ready, that’s what I told them when they asked.”

“You’re the reason they won’t let me back?” That was a clear question, basically “you told them not to let me back” yet Bobby deflects and denies it’s his fault:

“Medication is the reason.”

Athena tries to help and says “Bobby is just worried about you, that’s all.” and to try and get Buck’s focused anger out of Bobby she says “We all are.” But she made it clear before that she thought he should let Buck back.

“I thought you were my friend.”

“I am your friend. I am also the captain of almost twenty other firefighters whose life and safety depend in the decisions I make and I can’t put them at risk if you’re not operating at 100%...”

“Buck, I know that you went through a lot in that tsunami and maybe you feel like you can survive anything…”

Now, for those last quotes I would like to remember the “I’m strong. I’m unbreakable. I’m superman.” dialogue and the fact that Bobby never cared if Chim was at 100% or if he himself was at 100% when he was asking to go back to work that time in Bobby Begins Again.

Also, that night before Buck tells him about the lawsuit, he still doesn’t apologise.

In episode five, when Athena jokes with Michael about not inviting Buck over anymore because something always happens Bobby says “That sounds like a great idea. None of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t invited him over for dinner.” My initial reaction to this was EXCUSE YOU BITCH??? but what this actually tells me is that he was never planning to tell Buck the truth about him being the reason he couldn’t go back to work.

Now this is both the fucking funniest and the fucking worst thing because this fucker really doesn’t see how wrong his is:

“I don’t treat Buck any differently than I do any other firefighter under my watch.”

And I think even people that do like Bobby can see the bullshit in that.

Buck is literally the only firefighter that gets treated differently. And you’d think that since everyone seems to believe their relationship is “father-son” like it would be a good thing for Buck, but no. He’s the one always getting screwed over while the rest can do whatever they want without any consequences.

And we’re gonna quote the lawyer now because even though he used Buck’s lack of knowledge about how attorney-client relationship works, he makes some pretty on point arguments:

“It’s relevant because it illustrates how everyone except mister Buckley is allowed to return to the job no matter the injury or infarction.”

“You asked my client for his help that day. That’s exactly what he did, without hesitation, he helped you get sobered up and you returned to your full duty as captain of the 118. (...) So isn’t the only difference between your off duty relapse and mister Buckley’s that he actually did everything in his power to help you return to your job?”

I think the city tried to settle the lawsuit with so much money for a reason, don’t you?

You can also see how Buck, the one that was actually affected by what Bobby did, doesn’t hold any resentment towards him and is just glad to be invited to the rage room thing. And is the one to apologise AGAIN, when Bobby hasn’t apologised once.

“Brass didn’t want the headache, they’re afraid of the bad press (...) They gave me the option to transfer you, they understood how I might not want you back after everything you put us through.”

Put them through what? Honestly. Buck was the one crushed. Buck was the one left behind. Buck was the one lied to. Buck was the one doubted and betrayed by one of the people he trusted the most. The rest was put through...? some truth thrown in their faces?

In episode six, Bobby tells Athena “Well, he’s signed every liability waiver and release forum that the department threw at him. Pretty sure we could drop a piano in Buck’s head and he wouldn’t be able to sue the city for it.”

And then later he says “I don’t know what I’m doing. He just, he doesn’t think things through. He acts and reacts and that leaves the rest of us to have to deal with the fall out.” I would like a list of the times Buck did something that actually affected the rest of them in a bad way aside from the lawsuit where everyone was just left with hurt feelings, please and thank you.

Buck takes his job seriously. I would say more than anyone else. Because for Buck the job is the most important thing in his life, unlike the rest of them because they all have families to put first.

Athena, again, because she’s a queen that he doesn’t deserve, sees that Bobby’s just angry and has hurt feelings.

Buck is finally back and of course, because he’s Buck, he doesn’t just shut up and obeys, and Bobby says:

“You know Buck, someday you’re gonna figure out when to stop pushing and learn some patience. I hope we’re both alive to see it.” He’s talking all patronizingly again and he uses the word “learn” (which is something important, they way he always uses that or implies that with Buck) because he still sees Buck as a kid that needs to learn a lesson.

Hen, because she’s another queen, also sees that Bobby is being too emotional and unprofessional with Buck and Bobby says:

“I can see that he’s trying. It just still seems like he doesn’t get it. Like this is all a game to him.” Which honestly, what the actual fuck. Remember that speech Buck gave Bobby in season one when I said that’s the last moment Bobby should’ve thought Buck didn’t take his job seriously? Well, apparently even though he’s been working for two years now, to him, he takes his job less seriously now. Crazy, right?

Hen, beautiful smart and objective queen Hen, explains to him that if it was all a game to Buck, he could be fucking around with the millions (MILLIONS) he was offered on the lawsuit, but that he chose to go back to work and that Bobby is just being selfish (she doesn’t say selfish but we reading between lines here) by holding him back.

Apparently, Bobby kinda gets it and is ready to let Buck back in for real.

Then the scene where Buck helps the lady with the dude in the windshield happens and Bobby is called to the hospital because emergency contact? Buck explains what happened and Bobby, because he’s so fucking rude without even noticing how that makes everyone else (mostly Buck) feel, says:

“‘cause you jumped in and saved him. Probably didn’t even occur to you to worry about yourself.” He says this like Buck just proved to him that he had a reason to not let him back.

“Yeah, I know. I know. I didn’t think, just rushed in like I always do. I guess it’s like, the uniform is my costume. You know, I put it on and suddenly I’m brave and I’m strong and make a difference. Feels like without it I’m not much of anything.” (That last line broke my fucking heart btw) But here you can see Buck knows he’s impulsive, but he’s not really reckless. He can’t help his impulse to save people, it’s who he is. (what bobby isn’t naturally, but that’s another topic we’re not going to talk about right now)

I think here is when Bobby finally starts to understand that Buck is not a kid that doesn’t understand what he has and needs to be taught a lesson.

“Does that mean you are ready to let me back for real?”

“Doesn’t matter if I’m ready, you are. It’s time for me to get out of your way.” This line says a lot. He finally understands that he can’t just hold Buck back because he sees his own mistakes on him and that he was doing that before. Buck is ready and has been ready for a long time but he just now sees that it’s not up to him to decide over Buck’s life like that.

(For this next part we’re going to remember how I said that the only one to ever really suffer the consequences and to be treated differently is Buck)

In episode seven, Bobby finds out Eddie’s been street fighting. He listens to Eddie and understands, doesn’t judge him, doesn’t get mad for putting everyone at risk by coming to work injured. He doesn’t even tell him “hey, maybe you should take some time off and figure your shit out.” He just send him to therapy and lets him keep working like nothing happened.

In episode nine, when Hen hits the girl (as in crashes with the ambulance, yk, not actually hit her), everyone is sure that it’s not her fault and they let her return to duty right away, she’s the one to ask for some time off.

And everyone doesn’t doubt for a second that the accident wasn’t her fault, doesn’t judge her at all. (which is fine because it wasn’t her fault but my point is, would’ve Buck been the one in this situation, I don’t know if it would’ve been as easy to resolve)

When Buck is worried about Bobby and the radiations thing, he asks him how he feels and if he’s hiding symptoms, and Bobby thinks he’s annoying. But maybe that’s what he should’ve done with Buck when he was the one recovering instead of just assuming and lying and keeping him from returning to work.

In episode sixteen, Hen just “felt like breaking every rule in the book” and does what she think is right no matter what (which was actually right and we understand but that’s not the point). We’re gonna add some quotes here:

“You can do what you want, I’m doing this.” She says to Chimney like there was any other option for him.

Everyone praises her and is proud of her. Then Bobby comes in:

“Feels like this is about more than Anton. That girl, the cello player. You’re still thinking about her.”

She knows what she did was wrong and asks “How much trouble am I in?”

“Patient didn’t die. No one’s lodged a complaint. It’s a great save. Don’t do it again.” That's it.

He doesn’t get mad, doesn’t reprimand her, doesn’t suspend her. Doesn’t say “Hey, you just did a really reckless and impulsive thing that broke many rules and I’m sorry but I have to reprimand you . Also, maybe you should take some time off? Go to therapy. Chill. Learn that even though you were right, you can’t just pull that shit at work.”

In episode eighteen, they’re talking about saving Abby’s fiance after Bobby finds out, and I’m going to put the dialogue first and then talk about it.

“Stop. You’re too close to this. This is too risky.”

“Well, I am willing to take the risk.”

“It’s not yours to take. You can’t just rush into any dangerous situation and assume it’s gonna be okay. ´Cause it’s not and I am tired of being on the wrong side of those hospital doors.”

“Bobby, I am not Athena.”

“What did you just say to me?”

Well, first of all, his priority should be doing the job, saving as many people as they can. Buck is WILLING to take the risk to save both people and it is his to take. And not only because he promised to Abby he would save Sam, but because it’s who he is. He saves people, no matter the risk for him. (which again, three(? years of knowing him and Bobby still doesn’t understand)

Also Bobby, hun, if you’re tired of seeing your team (and Athena) in the hospital, maybe you should reconsider your life choices because you’re captain of a group of people that literally puts themselves in harm’s way to help other people for a living.

In conclusion, Bobby is kind of a hypocrite that projects a lot, is immature, resentful and has issues expressing how he feels properly, most of these things are always directed at Buck and that’s why I don’t like him and their relationship.

You have reached the end! Amazing. This was a really long rant honestly but I believe everything I wrote here, so hopefully y’all understand my perspective and I don’t gain haters for this

I think I make some pretty good points.

Okay, if you really read all that, thank you! It took me a long time lol

(Tagging you because you asked: @angelcamael) (And my girl @himbo-buckley who is always there to listen to me rant about this)

#can y'all see what i mean by this?#like bobby had potential #but he's just anoter boring entitled white man #and his and buck's relationship is just so wrong #and weird #and we do not stand bobby in this house #is this a meta?#i'm going to tag this as a meta because you say this is a meta boo #meta #911 meta #bobby meta #buck meta #anti bobby nash #evan buckley #911 fox #fuck bobby meta

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mecommentating · 5 years ago

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Twilight: Chapters 1-8

I was bored and when I’m bored I read cheesy romance novels. Now seemed as good a time as any to read this series that I’ve heard so much about.

Basically these are just my thoughts on the novel as I’m reading it. I already know quite a bit about the story so that is heavily effecting my thoughts and predictions.

Of course there will be spoilers.

Bella is like a kitten she tries to be intimidating and angry but really she’s just this cute little fluff ball that trips over nothing. It’s hilarious

Edward is just infuriating

Bruh. This guy- He was like you shouldn’t be my friend, stay away from me. Then he goes so do you wanna go to Seattle with me on Saturday? DUDE just stop

I can’t take this book seriously. The writing’s bad. The characters are bad, the story is meh. But, inexplicably, I love it. It’s so funny.

Okay. So I know Edward likes her but at this point in the book he has made no indication that his fascination and attraction to her is anything but pure friendliness and curiosity. But she’s like YO HE LIKES ME WHAT DOES THIS MEEEAAAANNN?!?!?!

WHAT THE- DUDE This guuuuuuuuuuuy Come on! He has repeatedly been like nope we can’t be friends you should avoid me and then he asks her to go to Seattle with him. And then he’s like you should stay away. AND NOW he is sitting alone at lunch makes eye contact with her and then motions her over AND WINKS

He sounds like someone who would trick her into his car and then drive away and rape her. The way he asked her to sit with him sounded terrifying. Of course I can’t actually hear him but that was 100% the vibe I was getting

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU FRICKING MORON

Edward after Bella questions why he invited her to sit with him for lunch: “I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.”

I’m team anybody but Edward

Yeah if I didn’t know he was a vampire who has no idea how to handle his emotions I would be terrified that Edward was going to assault Bella

This guy has no idea how to talk to people. I get it he’s in love or whatever but dude stop being creepy

THERE YOU GO AGAIN SAYING THEY CANT BE FRIENDS

This dude is being her friend and when Bella says he’s her friend he’s like WOAH no no no we’re not friends I just like hanging out with you and stuff....

HOW CAN SHE AVOID YOU WHEN YOU’RE DROP DEAD GORGEOUS AND KEEP GOADING HER?

HA she thinks he’s Batman or Spider-Man she can’t decided that’s awesome

Because he can read minds Bella! Just not yours for some reason.

Ooo this boy is hot and he knows it look at him wrapping her around his finger

Edward go shoot your self

Oh my gods Bella. He has literally told you stay away I’m not safe like 10 times and it just now occurred to you that he might be dangerous?!

Ooo look at Edward skipping class how edgy

WHAT KIND OF SCIENCE CLASS HAS ITS STUDENTS PRICK THEIR FINGERS AS PART OF THE ASSIGNMENT?!

ooooh I see why Edward skipped class today

Haha this girl is scared of blood and she’s going to join a vampire clan? That’s a stupid idea.Her fear of blood is like crippling. She almost passed out and is now lying on the sidewalk trying to calm herself down.

How does she handle her period then? That must be a traumatic week...

OF COURSE EDWARD SHOWS UP

This guy just kidnapped her

Edward I know it’s hilarious but you laughing is just going to piss her off so please let’s avoid a temper tantrum and stop laughing

What the- So Mike (he likes Bella hates Edward I find him annoying) just walks into the nurses office with another guy who fainted when he saw blood and Edward is like Bella get out of the office right now

What is Mike gonna do? What did you read in Mike’s mind, Ed?

Bella is like 2 steps from being a Vampire. She hates the smell of blood. Not the sight of it just the smell. And did she not notice that Edward just referred to her as human as in he’s not

He actually just dragged her to his car. Is nobody else concerned?

Oh look at that they just bonded over classical music

LOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Edward like low key just asked if Bella’s parents would be okay if he married her. You have known her for barely two months you need to calm down lover boy.

“There are no secrets in Forks.” oh then I guess everyone knows that the best doctor around and all of his family are vampires??

Edward. Shut up.

Nobody likes you Jessica. Shut up, I don’t want your opinion.

Okay how does Bella plan on getting out of town with Edward with out her dad and the entire town asking questions. Her truck is loud and distinctive. If she leaves it anywhere in town everyone will know within 5 minutes. And she cant leave it in her drive way because then her dad will get suspicious. AND is she going to take Edward clothing shopping with her?! I see flaws in this plan.

Do drift wood fires really burn blue? holy frick it does. Whaaaaaaaaaaat. OH it’s also toxic and not safe to burn so um they’re all going to die.

*gasp* is this when we meet the werewolf people?! Jacob? *mutters* is that his name?

Haha I knew it

If they’re pretty they’re not human. That is what this book has taught me.

I like Jacob. He sticks around right?

haha he likes her. Man I wish I could in good conscious ship them. He’s funny, a good talker, attractive, builds cars. What more could she want? But no. She chooses Edward. Which is fine. I assume I’ll eventually like him too. But right now I’m all for Jacob.

Oh I bet the Cullens don’t come to the beach because of the Blacks.

NOOOOOO no no no Bella please for the love of god do not try and flirt it will not work and will only end up embarrassing you and me.

How is this working?

Jacob has got to be pulling her leg or something. There is no way he’d actually be giving away clan secrets like this.

Looks like he is.

What an idiot.

YEAH Vampires! Finally.

Yeah uh huh be worried Jacob. You just told the biggest secret ever to the one person who is going to believe you.

Yeeaaaah Team Jacob. Bella stop leading on the better of your two options. Everyone knows you won’t choose him except for him.

Listen to your dream. It’s more accurate than you know.

Her just listening to the same album over and over again is so relatable.

Believe it Bella. He’s a Vampire. Now go confront him about it.

Foreshadowing that Edward is from the 18th century? Did he know Jane Austin?

ha I love her dad.

Lol Tyler my guy you don’t have a chance.

OOOOOOH sunlight right. The sparkle or whatever in the sun so they can’t go to school when there’s direct sunlight. I’m so freaking slow. Thanks for explaining, Angela.

oh no... The dudes have her trapped. Edward is going to show up. I would bet money on it.

haha silver car that had better be edward- aw that move was smooth as hell- yeah edward!

Little did you know that Vampires are amazing get away drivers. They can even do fancy driving tricks. If you want a good chauffeur hire a Vampire.

What’s wrong, Eddy? Why you so mad?

Aw. He got so riled up for her. He really needs to learn to not feel things so strongly but it’s still cute.

Yeah maybe don’t try and distract him by talking about someone he might see as a threat to your affection for him.

Dang he’s a good driver.

lol I haven’t liked Edward at all. He’s annoying, possessive, can’t control his emotions, cocky. Then I find out he’s a good driver and I’m like ooo I like him. I am such an idiot.

Edward you don’t eat. Why do you want to take Bella out for dinner? That’s just going to be awkward.

Oh nooooo. Every single person in Forks is going to know that Bella stayed behind with Edward. uuuuugh this is a nightmare.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?? This guy has been alive for who knows how long and you’re telling me he has no idea the effect he has on women? He doesn’t know the paralyzing ability his smile has? Bullcrap.

oh oh oh he’s giving her his jacket oooooh she has fallen forever

oh and he wears turtle necks. I aproooove. Turtle necks are so cool. Idk but I love them.

Lol I don’t think he thinks she’s human. He knows she’s not a vampire but she does not act like a human.

NO do not question him Bella. This is a bad idea. I do not advise.

“Let’s call him ‘Joe’“ LOL

OH my GOSSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSH

lol she’s a trouble magnet and it’s the truth

ooo that’s a nice word: Unequivocally

HE WAS FOLLOWING HER?! that’s not creepy at all!

wait. what?

Ooooh he wanted to kill her the first time they met and yet he didn’t kill her I get it now

Tell her.

okay calm down buddy Bella is okay everyone is fine you need to take a deep breathe and calm down.

oh shoot okay going to dinner was a smart idea it kept him from killing people

Why can’t he read her mind? I wanna know.

#twilight #bella #edward cullen #jacob black #commentary #twilight commentary #team jacob #vampire #werewolf #werewolves #romance novels #cheesy #bored #quarentine

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thatgazebobullshit · 6 years ago

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IT CHAPTER TWO REVIEW

This is v long and heavy on the spoilers, so read at your own risk

.DISCLAIMERS

1. I saw this in the Spanish dubbed version because of reasons. I will be rewatching the original version but, because I still haven’t, there may be some things that I’ve missed because of the translation. I also didn’t hear the changes in the kids voices which made the “they haven’t aged” thing they tried to pull a tiny bit more believable.

2. I have read the book. However, I read it about 8 years ago and I while I’ve reread some parts, I’ve never read the whole thing since. Because of this, there were a lot of scenes that I felt weird about, as I couldn’t tell if they had just made this really random thing up or I just couldn’t remember it.

3. These are just my opinions, please don’t take them personally. I love all the characters with my whole heart and I do think the actors did them justice.

THAT BEING SAID

Let’s start with what I liked

1. The cast

They all did a fantastic job. Every single one of them. Even the new little kids killed it. (The scene with Pennywise and the girl in the bleachers was one of the best moments/jumpscares in the whole film for me). Obviously Bill Hader was a standout, also I’d only seen him in SNL so I didn’t know what to expect, and he definitely impressed me. But we can’t forget about James Ransone. I couldn’t get enough of him. He captured Jack’s Eddie so so so so well he deserves every bit of praise he gets.

2. The flashbacks

I don’t know who the fuck said there were too many flashbacks, but they’re wrong. I get wanting the focus to be on the adults but the flashbacks gave us a bit more insight on the losers dynamic outside of the whole “this clown is trying to kill us so we need to stick together”, and I liked that they showed more encounters with It, because there is no way he only tried to get to them once all summer. Eddie’s scene with his mom was really good too, I liked it a lot more than his scene in the first movie with the leper. Also they were cute as fuck. Don’t get me started on the hammock scene.

3. Adrian and Dom

I loved this scene. It was a great beginning and it gave me hope for the film. Really well done, very similar to the book and heavy on the reddie references, which you know I love. Also very sad, but I knew what was going to happen so it didn’t affect me as much.

4. Richie’s arcade scene

This scene hits hard. Finn Wolfhard’s acting is 10/10. He just wanted to play with the cute boy Bowers leave him alone.

5. Mike calling Eddie

I’m a bit bitter that they didn’t make him a choffer but I’ll admit that making him a risk analyst makes sense. His conversation with Myra was on point. It said so much in very little time. How unhappy they are, the mommy thing, just great. Also the car accident and him being like “I’m fine”. Wonderful.

6. Benverly/Reddie scenes

The parallels. Amazing. Beverly drowning in blood while Ben drowned in dirt, very effective. Meanwhile Reddie just being husbands. 10/10. The pomeranian bit might have been my favourite in the entire movie, not gonna lie.

OKAY NOW TO THE THINGS I DID NOT LIKE

1. Mike

Yes, Isaiah did really good. But Mike character was just so... bad. Just really annoying. The scene where he drugs Bill just didn’t sit right with me. It just wasn’t Mike and I was really frustrated with his character any time he did or said something, I’m sorry

2. Bill

Again, really great job on McAvoy’s part, but, again, I found the character very annoying and unnecessarily reckless/stupid at times. The scene with the sewer and the kid was just uncomfortable to watch and a bit cringey. Also the whole blaming himself and going after It alone got old very soon.

3. Most of the “scary” scenes

There were a few good jumpscares here and there, but in general the actual scary parts of the movie fell kind of flat. Young Richie’s encounter with It would have been really cool if not for the horrible, horrible cgi on Finn’s face. The scene with the naked grandma looked promising in the trailer but it ended up being pretty meh. Also the photographs and her talking about Pennywise like it was her father and them showing him as a person dressing up as the clown... very misleading and completely unnecessary.

4. The final battle

So many things wrong with this part. Where do I begin. For starters, why would they include the super weird ritual that I can’t remember if it was in the book or not, if it was just gonna be for nothing. Literally the whole getting the objects was such a big part of the movie and all they do is put them in the fire and scream for a while and then it’s like “well guess that didn’t work” and then they are in the same exact place they were as children. The objects did NOTHING WHY WOULD YOU MAKE IT SUCH A BIG DEAL I DONT UNDERSTAND. And do you expect me to believe that while all of them had their weird adventure (Bill with young Bill and the Benverly/Reddie scene) Mike was just there????? Hiding behind the rock???? The whole time????? Eddie’s scene was nice and I wouldn’t have mind the changes if HE HADN’T DIED FOR NOTHING. Like are you telling me that ALL THIS TIME all you had to do was BULLY THE CLOWN TO DEATH. WHAT THE FUCK. That was soooo underwhelming. Very unsatisfactory. Seeing a bunch of adults just shouting CLOWN, YOU’RE JUST A CLOWN to this thing that’s supposedly this great evil was just, so bad I cringed the whole way through. As you can see I’m still bitter about it.

So yeah, that is all I have to say. Had its moments. Enjoyable, scary at times but also kinda disappointing.

Oh and the whole “horror version of brokeback mountain” is a load of bullshit. There is so little Reddie please don’t go in there expecting this big gay romance because you only get glimpses of it and they never delve into Eddie’s side of it. So yeah, glad R+E happened, but it does, unfortunately, seem kind of one-sided the way they went into it.

#it chapter two #it chapter two review #reddie #benverly #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #bill denbrough #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #mike hanlon #bill hader #james ransone #finn wolfhard #jack dylan grazer #james mcavoy #isaiah mustafa

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mushroomsandteeth · 6 years ago

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Absolute Carnage 4 Spoilers

So I already discussed the preview and how dumb it is and all that stuff so we're just going to skip forward to the stuff we don't know.

We start with Eddie going out to go fight the wave Garnage zombies and he's out there he's talking about how lonely he is and what not. He's fighting Miles and he remembers that an electric shock got symbiotes off last time.

By the way Miles has no control over his symbiote. I should mention that because this means his entire plan from his book failed or was just not even brought up at all.

So anyway Eddie shocks Miles and he's okay now.

Meanwhile Hulk is fighting Garnage.Garnage does that thing from Mind Bomb where he shoves a tentacle into the person's brain and forces them to see what he sees. We don't get to see it this time which is kind of sad he just says that's what he's doing.

And then Carnage says he can see the green door, which for anyone who isn't a Hulk fan I should explain that you can only see the green door if you have gamma radiation. So this makes absolutely no freaking sense at all but this might just be Donny Cates being an unreliable narrator. Because you can't trust anything in this book and he's probably just going to say "oh well you can't trust anything Garnage says cuz he's crazy".

Then Garnage rips the Symbiote off of Hulk and slaps it onto himself and he becomes a Venomized Garnage. Complete with black wings little Viking horns and a bunch of other just spiky blackness. Its not a bad design I kinda like it and he finally has a use for his shoulder nubbys.

So Eddie is told that the Codex machine that was supposed to destroy codice didn't it just collected them so he dives headfirst into that thing and makes a SECOND VENOM SYMBIOTE out of the left over codice and then he flies off to fight Garnage in the next issue

Overall this issue wasn't that bad there's a ton of continuity errors there's no explanation for why Garnage can see the Green Door and also that bullshit from the preview that I mentioned but otherwise it's just a big dumb fight and I don't hate it.

Meh/10

#venom spoilers #Absolute Carnage

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janiedean · 6 years ago

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Mood lightener ask, I am intrigued by book recs from you since you mentioned something about a dinosaur series a bit ago? Color me intrigued so top five books you'd recommend for people who enjoy ASoIaF?

OH GOD THANK YOU XDDD

okay so, I’m taking the dinosaurs out first because... well. hahah.

the dinosaur lords is ABSOLUTELY a thing you might wanna try out if you like asoiaf for reasons, BUT I’m warning you, the author died before finishing it (unless he wrote the last three but didn’t have publishing contract for the second part of the six-books plan but no one quite knows and no idea) so most likely you’ll never get a conclusion, warning you beforehand so that’s why I’m putting it outside the top five. BUT IF YOU LIKE ASOIAF YOU SHOULD STILL TRY IT because:

the author was a friend of grrm’s and it shows;

it’s literally asoiaf except people go around on dinosaurs;

NO, REALLY;

there’s at least a couple characters who are totally asoiaf homages (there’s a dude named jaume who’s basically jaime and loras’s lovechild I SWEAR HE IS HE’S EVEN THE HEAD OF THE LOCAL KINGSGUARD) but not in a way that makes it look like plagiarism;

admittedly it takes a bit to find its rhythm, but when it does it’s really good because the worldbuilding is amazing and like... it’s basically fictional medieval europe with dinosaurs but to a really good degree and the representation is a+++, in the sense that idk one of the main four is obv. irish romani (or what irish romani are in that universe), a few are def. catalan, the french guy is really so french you wanna die, the italian dude actually comes from the oldest university in the realm, there’s people from russia/greece and the protagonist is basically some three eastern europeans countries thrown in one character but not stereotypically, like the guy is obv. a mix of russian/polish/mongol and he’s really a good character in that sense, there’s germans too, spanish ofc, like it’s really good in that sense

DINOSAURS FIGHTING DINOSAURS WHILE THEIR KNIGHTS RIDE THEM

there’s an entire supernatural angle with ARCHANGELS WHO MIGHT BE ROBOTS which is honestly intriguing and a+ and I just wish the books hadn’t finished just before going deep into it

if you also want lgbt+ rep............. well, two out of the three supposedly straight characters are irish romani dude and the protagonist and I can 100% assure you that everyone I dragged into reading those books agreed with me that in each single scene they have together (ie: most of them) they’re gayer than Actual Gay People in these books, but other than them half of the cast is bi, the gay sex is better written than the straight sex (forreal there’s one of the few actually.... sexy m/m oral sex scenes I read in published fiction???), their sexuality is not the whole of their personality but it’s fairly stated that most of them are Really Not Straight and it’s really done well;

actually THE ENTIRE KINGSGUARD IS GUYS WHO FIGHT VERY WELL BUT LOVE ARTS AS WELL AND THEY ALL SLEEP WITH EACH OTHER EXCEPT THE TOKEN STRAIGHT FRENCH CHARACTER THAT THE JAIME AND LORAS LOVECHILD HAS A CRUSH ON and ngl I thought they would end up fucking at some point if the books went on so... XDDD anyway a+++ kingsguard >>> the one in asoiaf;

ngl at some points there’s some badly written sex scenes (the straight ones lmao I’m 99,9% sure milàn was not that straight himself) and it’s not half as complex as asoiaf and doesn’t have as many characters but it has the same scheme except with dinosaurs, archangels being robots and three people are straight and two of them are in love anyway;

so tldr I greatly recommend the dinosaur lords if you want something similar to asoiaf, don’t expect an ending, enjoy dinosaurs and a lot of nice rep for everyone. also Y’ALL HAVE TO SHIP ROB AND KARYL WITH ME BECAUSE THEY’RE RIDICULOUS.

.... wow, and you asked me the top five. lmaaaaao. anyway, given that the dinosaur lords will not be in the top five, I’ll go and advise you to read:

IAN TREGILLIS’S ALCHEMY WARS, which is not like **fantasy** but it’s alternate history where the netherlands win the colonial wars in the 16th century because they figure out how to make brass androids and they use it to basically destroy the british and drive the french to canada while they conquer the US instead of the british. it’s a trilogy, it’s completed, it’s flawless and features: FRENCH CATHOLICS VS DUTCH CALVINISTS WITH THE FRENCH WANTING TO TAKE BACK PARIS, PREDESTINATION VS FREE WILL IN THE ANDROIDS DISCOURSE, REHASH OF 16TH/17TH CENTURY PHILOSOPHY DONE GREATLY, the greatest female character of genre literature since grrm (berenice GUYS BERENICE IS THE BEST GOD I LOVE HER SFM), the evil antagonist who’s a gal cersei wishes she was (like she’s terrible but she’s competent), the davos-like french general who knits in his spare time and the protagonist is the cinnamon roll-est android ever I love him sfm OH and the one time I cried because of a catholic fictional priest. guys tregillis is an a+++ top notch writer who has no time to waste with fillers and knows how to write a story even if HE HATES ME AND HE WANTS ME TO SUFFER and like... alchemy wars is really really good give it a go k?1,5. tregillis also wrote another alternate history trilogy, the milkweed tryptich, which is basically ‘the nazis create the x-men to win the war and so the british counteract by evoking ctuhulu and it goes exactly as it promises’. now: I have a love-hate rship with that one because the last book is narratively working but I hate everything it chose to be for reasons also i wanna punch the protagonist in the face, but thesuperevilgirl is totes the cersei of the situation and her brother has.... some srs jaime moments lmao he’s also my favorite ofc god klaus ily so much, and it has... some... well... ENGAGING choices lol I mean i loved book one and two and the third I did reluctantly but it could be an option? anyway ian tregillis is amazing and y’all should read him bye

the curse of chalion by lois mcmaster bujold has, as the amazing soul who recommended it to me pointed out, a protagonist that manages to be jaime and theon and partially sandor put into one. IT AMAZINGLY WORKS. the plot is kiiiinda more straightforward if you know spanish history bc the moment you figure out it’s the fantasy version of how castille and aragona united you know where it heads, but it has a lot of nice twists, also some a+ lgbt+ rep tho not as much as the dinosaur lords and the protagonist is.... really great I love him XD also ngl the fact that it ends fairly nicely is a balm so I’d try it, there’s other books in the same verse but I haven’t gotten around to read them yet

... guys stephen king’s dark tower is my fantasy favorite series EVER like ever, I love asoiaf and brienne is in my heart and she’s my true rep but nothing will top TDT for me ever for reasons and while it’s a completely different thing I still recommend it. caveat: I hate the last book with a vengeance and I think king fucked up the last two thirds real bad, but..... hey, it’s finished and the rest is 100% worth it. also jaime is totally the lovechild of the male protagonist and the other male-coprotagonist who are also my #1 ship ever in history so I’d give it a go ;) ;) ;) also while eddie’s my fave roland deschain is honestly the kind of character that you can only bow in front of like if I ever made an oc one hundredth as good as roland is in conception and execution and everything I’d feel like I accomplished everything I need in life. IT’S WORTH IT. TRY IT.

terry pratchett’s discworld: yes, it’s 41 books. yes it’s a lot. but you can read them by cycle which makes it a lot easier, they’re fun (the first three are a bit meh but the rest is all top notch I swear), they’re sarcastic and witty and delightful and it’s a++++ fantasy and I’ve been wanting to do the asoiaf au for ages sigh but anyway if you don’t want dark and grim but also want a+++ narrative, good satire about how our world sucks and a lot of fun at the expense of our pop culture (guys the book about their version of australia is a hoot and there’s a leonardo da vinci!!) GO FOR IT. IT’S AMAZING. also your life isn’t complete until you read about sam vimes and the local version of death speaking in capslock and being a cat person. also charles dance plays one of the mains in one of the tv adaptations and he was delightful xD

this is going to gain me rotten tomatoes, but....... grrm’s shared series wild cards. that he has going on with fifteen other writers including the aforementioned tregillis and milàn.yes, it’s like 28 books by now. no, it’s not perfect by all means and certain arcs are a total wtf and you don’t even have to read all of it, but especially grrm’s characters in it are obvious templates for asoiaf people (the powerful and amazing turtle is dark sam tarly and jay ackroyd is basically jaime without the incest and the extra good looks while lohengrin is brienne’s spiritual twin except for the looks), the shared worldbuilding is great, the alternate history story where buddy holly didn’t die and some of the protagonists organized a concert for him bc he was poor as hell was genius, and while a lot of the older stuff is dated and most likely was progressive for the eighties and would read a bit wonky now they always were super-inclusive, it has a bunch of nonwhite/nonstraight characters (esp. in the last books but there were also in the old ones, and the longest-standing gay dude since the eighties got a husband in the last trilogy!!! it was so ;_;), the alternate history is really good imvho and if you enjoy asoiaf you probably would like most of wild cards. if you want a reading order I made one here. xD

here you go sorry it took me one hour to answer it but IT GOT LONG XDD

#the dinosaur lords #alchemy wars #wild cards #discworld for ts #the dark tower for ts #book recs #john-childerass #ask post

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ladybalem · 6 years ago

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Receiving Gifts

Newt Scamander - A bit distracted and mixed up on what concerns to the practical and quotidian life, it’s possible that Newt shall forget the commemorative dates or confound them between, but it’s probable that he gifts her little things also without a reason as well. Small potions he made himself, or ingredients or books to which she was on searching but not finding (if she’s a witch), or flowers and bonbons, at any cases. They will always be simple gifts, but full of love.

Qwerty Doolittle - Although he actually never makes extra money, he loves to make a gift to his girlfriend, cause he enjoys to see her cheerful, and to please her is something that makes him extremely happy. He’ll always give her simple things, but full of signifying and tenderness. The most part of it will be flowers and small potted plants, cause he likes the living things, but in case she likes to wear it, he’ll give her bijoux as well, and cds, in case she enjoys music.

Balem Abrasax - Being extremely “millionairely” rich, lol, he can have anything he desires, for himself as well to make a gift, and although he never squanders not even a shilling of his wide fortune (because it’s enough for doing that his brother Titus), when Balem have a predilection for a woman he covers her with gifts which will be basically insinuating dresses, jewels, more dresses and more jewels, cause he’s an egotist, and so he only gift with things that can revert in pleasure to himself. Now, just in case of her being already his wife, the things change a little of figure. In this case, and being a special occasion, just like a wedding anniversary (maybe the centennial one, cause they both use RegeneX, lol), he’ll extrapolate and give her something like a… PLANET. Because he can to do that. This, if he doesn’t give her an entire small solar system. Wow, man.

Eddie Kreezer - He’s definitely not the fond kind, so he doesn’t get worried about to the fact of giving her a gift, not even in the special dates, to which he just doesn’t even remember, cause not even at day by day he reminds to offer her not even a drink when he’s at the bar playing pool. But, meh. She understands that’s his way, and she doesn’t care not much. However, if he suddenly gets the willing of giving her something, it would be a miniblouse or maybe panties, some that would let her, as he’ll say, pretty “lil’ tasty”. And, well, it isn’t need to say that he won’t not even pack her gift, just pulling out the panties from inside his jeans’ pocket and throwing it on her, and that he’ll be bullying her for days about her face expression as she got this from him.

Lili Elbe - She loves to receive and to make gifts, and the best of all is that she has quite quite good taste, so her beloved one can be sure that Lili’s gifts will be quite beautiful. She can get from Lili absolutely anything: Flowers, clothes, delicate jewels, perfumes, fresh and beautiful fruits, jewelry boxes, and if she likes to read, poetry or romance books.

Stephen Wraysford - He basically likes to give her clothes, and he always gets the right size, cause he can imagine her fitting inside them with perfection. But he makes a gift for her as well with little bonbons and another delicatessens’ items, and with drawings of herself as well, which himself draws, and actually those are her favorite gifts, because they show how much he loves her and thinks about her all the time.

Jack Jackson - The Jack’s gifts for her are as well simple things or things made by himself or by his mother Ellen under his request. She’ll get country flowers, which he picks for her through the way, ornaments to use on her hair just as like these Ellen does, small crafts of the artisans of Kingsbridge’s fair, or yet her own portrait in a small marble block, sculpted by himself, in some small surplus of a bigger block he had been cut from a statue he’s making to the church, remembering her at the time.

Marius Pontmercy - She has the luck of having had married a beautiful, fond and rich man. So, she’ll get from him quite fine gifts, practically all the time, because Marius doesn’t need no special date to make a gift for her. She’ll get gala ball’s dresses, embroidered shawls, little silk handkerchiefs, all of a sort of petticoats and lingeries of all kinds, besides small and delicate jewels always made of gold or sterling silver, liquor bonbons, and flowers. A lot of flowers. Marius practically covers her with flowers, almost every day, and their house seems the most a real garden. At her birthday he maybe calls the best Parisian painter to make her portrait, which will be hang on the living room’s hall. Anything she wants or needs, before she could ask for, it will be yet on her hands, cause her husband knows her very well, and although she doesn’t need nothing of it all to be happy, because her happiness consists on being with him, she receives everything happily cause she sees how much he’s happy being generous to her.

#eddie redmayne #newt scamander #marius pontmercy #eddie kreezer #lili elbe #qwerty doolittle #stephen wraysford #balem abrasax #jack jackson #preferences #writings #confessions #fanfic #fanfiction #receiving gifts

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purplesurveys · 6 years ago

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429

England Do you like to drink tea? I only drink iced tea and only the artificial kind, so I don’t think that even counts as tea. My tongue never did adapt well to traditional ones. Do you like to put sugar in your tea? I like my iced tea super sweet if that counts. Have you ever explored an ancient castle? No but it would be interesting to enter one! If you're a Christian, are you Catholic or Protestant? I was baptized and still legally Catholic. Philippines is predominantly Catholic, with 80% of the population; I don’t how the % of Protestants, but it’s definitely a much smaller bit of the pie since the rest of the religions are divided into different Christian denominations, then Islam. Do you live in a big house? It’s definitely bigger than my childhood home, so that’s more than enough.

Are there a lot of seagulls where you live? I don’t think seagulls fly over to this side of the world? Correct me if I’m wrong though. Do you have a garden? Only a very small one. Name something you own with the British flag on it. Probs an old UK-themed notebook lying around, but I’m not sure if I still even have those or if they already got thrown out. What's your favorite part of London? I dunno. London always seemed like such a hectic city for me and I’ve never really had an idea about its identity. If you've been to England, what was your favorite city you've visited? If applicable, what is/was your favorite store in London? I’m not sure I know any London-based stores. Have you ever been lost in London? Nope. Would you say your personality is British? Do you think you'd fit in there? I’d say my personality is the furthest thing from that since I’ve never been submerged in their local culture. I don’t know if I would fit in; a lot of them seem pretty short-tempered lmao. Do you have English ancestors, or are you from England? I’m positively -60% English. Ireland What is one of your favorite celtic songs? I don’t know anything about Irish history/culture other than Becky Lynch, Sheamus, and Niall Horan. I’m laying that out this early. Do you have red hair? Absolutely not. Are you Irish? No Irish blood in my system at all.

Name 5 redheads that you know. Becky Lynch x2.5, Sheamus x2.5 lmao. Who in your family is/was a redhead? Nobody. If you've been to Ireland, what was your favorite city you visited? I haven’t been to Ireland but I would rather take a trip there than to London definitely. Did you have any bad experiences in Ireland? Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day? No but Western social media shoves it in my face every year. I have no idea what it’s about other than they turn the Chicago River green. Do you like Irish food? I don’t know much about their food actually :o I don’t think there are places that serve it. What's one thing you like about ancient cathedrals? The fact that millions of lives with different experiences, all in different contexts have come and gone within them. Do you like rolling hills of green? ...I don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you just talking about hills? Because yes, hills are fine with me lmao. Do you like bagpipes? No. All this question gave me was the image of Ross Geller playing them on a Friends episode because he wanted to surprise Chandler and Monica on their wedding. If you're Irish, what part of Ireland is your family from? Do you like English accents or Irish accents better? I like both but I find English ones a wee bit more satisfying to listen to. China What is your Chinese zodiac sign? Tiger. ^Do you like it? Do you feel it fits your personality? I don’t give a shit about it. Do you like your American zodiac sign or Chinese zodiac sign better? I don’t give a shit about either, either. Do you like Chinese food? LOOOOOOOVE good ol’ family-style Chinese food. None of that fake Chinese takeout. List three of your favorite Chinese foods. Minced pork with eggplant, century eggs, spring rolls. Are you familiar with the topic of footbinding? I do. We were taught about it from very early on. What are your favorite books about the Chinese? I don’t really read books about the Chinese. I’ve read readings on Chinese history in high school and college–which I all enjoyed–but I’m not passionate about them enough to pick a favorite. Do you know anyone Chinese? I know a lot of them. Philippines has a very large Chinese Filipino/Filipino Chinese community thanks to their mass migrations way way back–they’ve since heavily integrated their native culture to the country, so we have a lot of Chinese restaurants and Filipinos typically love Chinese food, and we also (by law) celebrate Chinese New Year. There are also a lot of private schools established for kids of Chinese descent. Who is your favorite Chinese youtuber? I don’t have any. Have you ever cooked Chinese food at home? Not me because I don’t cook. My grandma and my dad have. Are you familiar with the Great Chinese Famine? Only a bit. Do you wish your school would teach you about other countries' history? It already does! UP’s very fortunate to have a very well-endowed history department: there are courses for West, East, Southeast, and South Asian, Latin American, United States, European, Spanish, and African history. We ain’t the top school in the country for nothing. Would you ever want to go to China? I already have. The old people there are SO rude and their sense of hygiene and manners is so different from what we have :( I’d still want to go back just for shits and giggles but their people are generally meh. Do you have any Chinese in your family? We do but they aren’t related to us anymore. The relatives who are Chinese are those who married into our family, but my family per se isn’t Chinese. Japan Do you like sushi? I’m fucking craaaaaaaazy about sushi. And sashimi. ^If so, what are your favorite kinds? Any kind as long as the main part is tuna, unagi (eel), or uni (sea urchin). What is your favorite manga series? I don’t read manga. Do you love Japanese street fashion? I appreciate it, but it’s too...hip for me hahaha. I’d stick to my preppy wardrobe. What color hair would you have as an anime character? Light pink maybe. Are you aware of the struggles of Japanese Americans during World War 2? Admittedly, not so sure about the situation of Japanese-Americans; but in general, the Japanese were unnecessarily big fucking bullies throughout WWII. They don’t even have the balls to say sorry completely until today. As a Filipino (PH was one of the countries it essentially raped head to toe), this continues to make me angry today. What is your favorite Japanese name? I don’t have. Do you like bonsai trees? They’re cool but I’m not like gaga over them. What's one thing you think Americans should adopt from the Japanese? Intelligence? Have you ever listened to Jpop? No. Do you like Hello Kitty? No. But my sister loves everything Sanrio. What is something you want to know about the Japanese? Why they can’t seem to apologize for their war crimes and criminals and and sex slavery and using of comfort women and cases of rape, torture, and abuse in my country. Do you know anyone who's Japanese? Yeah, I had a classmate from last sem whose last name was Mizushima and looked Japanese. Would you ever want to go to Japan? I already have. The people were very nice. Australia Do you have blonde hair? No trace of blonde anywhere on me.

Do you live near a beach? I live in an archipelago, so technically yes. The nearest beaches are still 3 hours away though. Do you surf? Nah. We’ve been to so many beach resorts that offer basic surfing lessons, but ultimately it’s only my dad, mom, and sister who try it out. I have bad balance so I was always too scared to try. Who is your favorite Australian youtuber? I like Jamie Zhu, but only the videos of him pranking his dad. I haven’t seen any of his other material. Do you watch The Norris Nuts? Never even heard of it. Who is your favorite Australian fictional character? I don’t know a lot of Australian characters other than Hi-5!!! Lmao. What is your favorite song by Hillsong? Fuck no. Have you ever tried to surf? See a few questions above. Do you skateboard? Nope. I can’t balance well other than on the ice skating rink. Have you ever been on an island? I live on an island. Do you live on an island? Yes. A country with 7,641 islands. Do you like Australian accents or British accents better? British ones. Have you ever heard the term, "Crikey, mate!" No...I’ve only ever heard of it stereotyped in the media, too. Is there any Australian here who can confirm if people say this everyday lol Have you ever met anyone from Australia? I probably have but my memory is rusty at the moment. Africa Do you know anyone from Africa? Yeah, I have a mutual friend who’s Nigerian.

Are you familiar with the War on Sudan? A little. I got most of my knowledge of it from my international relations class. Do you own an Invisible Children shirt? I don’t. Have you been to Africa? No, but I want to pay a visit so bad. What's your favorite wild animal? Elephants. Do you prefer dancing or drumming? Neither, but if I absolutely had to pick: drumming. Do you have good rhythm? Not at all. Would you ever want to go to Africa? Yes. What is a great African song? I don’t know any. Have you ever tried African dancing? Nope. Do you own any African jewelry? I don’t. Ever danced to "Waka Waka"? I never did like that song. No. What's the furthest you've ever walked in one day? Probably that time we were in Bali and felt like we walked for 7 days. It was soooooooo humid that day so I was really cranky after. Do you live in a mud hut? No. Mexico List 3 of your favorite Mexican foods. I’m not big on Mexican food that much so I’m sorry if my picks are a little basic haha. I like chimichangas, burritos, and nachos. List 3 Mexican names you like. Ines, Luis, Antonio. List 3 people you know who are Mexican. I only know wrestlers...Eddie Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero, Gory Guerrero? Aka members of the best Mexican wrestling family there ever is, was, and ever will be. Have you ever been to Mexico? I haven’t. Would you ever want to go to Mexico? I would love to go to every possible spot in the world at least once, so it’s a yes for me. Do you think you could handle being around people all the time? ...How is this related to Mexico lmao? Anyway no I don’t think I can. I’m a huge introvert so I’m bound to get tired some time. Do you like spicy food? I love it but only when the spicy factor is integral to the food, like in curries or in spicy dips. I can always tell if spiciness is artificial. How do you do with crowds? I’m alright with crowds as long as people are not screaming all at the same time and if it’s not super compressed. Is it hot where you live? Very hot at the moment. There are places in the country with actual heat indices of 65ºC. HOW IS THAT REAL LIFE????? Do you like bright colors? I hate them so much. Can you speak Spanish? No but I can understand the contexts of some sentences and have what I’d say is an extensive Spanish vocabulary. Makes sense if you consider the fact that the Philippine was under Spain for 333 years. The effects, especially language- and religion-wise, are still very very strong today. Have you ever been to a fiesta? Yup. I was once part of a parade. Ever smacked a pinata? Nah we never used those for my birthdays. What's your favorite thing to order at Taco Bell? I don’t get Taco Ball because the branches that do exist are sooooo faaaaar away from where I live and from where I study. The Middle East Are you Muslim? Nope. Do you know any Muslims? I don’t know anyone personally but it’s not unusual to see Muslims around here. Do you know anyone who wears hijab? Again, not personally. What are some of your favorite books about Muslims? Ever been to a desert? I wish the Philippines could count as a desert lmao but no I haven’t. Would you want to ride a camel? Is that ethical? I gotta make sure it’s a green-lit thing first. Did you watch the show Legends of the Hidden Temple? I was obsessed with it when I was younger. It was on every 5:30 AM, so it was the program I watched everyday while preparing for school. Korea Have you read To All the Boys I've Loved Before? Please don’t mention that stupid book/movie. ^Have you seen the movie? Did you know that North Korea is closed? I mean, it’s not literally closed; you can still book trips there but they’re still definitely super strict about what you can and can’t get away with. Would you ever want to visit South Korea? I already have. In terms of people’s niceness, they’re in the middle of Chinese (the shits) and Japanese (absolute angels). Most of the Koreans I dealt with were nice save for this one woman who shooed me away when I was taking a photo of something from her little bazaar. Have you ever had Korean food? YESSSSS I love Korean food so much, it’s so underrated. People gotta go deeper than sushi and Chinese fried rice cos there’s another East Asian with food that slaps as fuuuuuuuck. South America Have you read The Spirit of the Rainforest? I have not. Name one fact you know about Venezuela. I know nothing about Venezuela other than they also seem to be favorites in Miss Universe pageants every year along with PH. Do you know anyone who lives in Peru? I do not. That’s very far from where I’m at. Have you ever tried Peruvian food or drink? Nope. I definitely would if there were places that served such here. Have you ever been to South America? No. Do you know anyone from Brazil? I don’t think so. Would you ever want to visit South America? Yes. Name someone you know who owns llamas. Nobody. Do you like llamas? I like all animals except for cockroaches and other weird insects, so yes. Have you ever sewn on a loom? I haven’t had the chance to. Do you own a skirt from Guetamala? This is...specific. No. Do you ever wonder why we don't hear much about South America? Probs because people and media play a hand in painting it in such a bad light, e.g. poverty, drugs, crime and otherwise glorify its big brother North America as a place of freedom and diversity and liberty when it’s just as big of a shithole as anywhere else. But I’m glad social media exposes issues in countries that often go unignored, South American ones included. Thailand Do you like elephants? I LOVE elephants, they’re my favorite creatures. Would you ever be brave enough to try walking on stilts? I’d be so scared but wouldn’t be opposed to trying. Do you know about sex trafficking in Thailand? I’ve heard enough to be actively aware of it, but I don’t know specifics. Do you like Thai food? Obsessed.

Do you know anyone who's Thai? I don’t think so. United States If you live in the US, which state do you live in? Which states have you visited? Which states have you lived in? Have you ever been to Washington D.C? No. What is your favorite American food? I don’t know...I’m genuinely not sure what counts as American food because the ones I know were influenced one way or another from other cuisines. Maybe burgers? I love me a juicy burger with brioche buns, caramelized onions, and a mayo-based sauce. Do you listen to popular music? Hahahaha, guilty pleasure. Do you dream of having two kids and maybe a dog? Yesssss. ...and living in a two-story house with a white picket fence? House yes; not so much on the fence. Fences aren’t the norm here; people have big-ass gates instead. ...and having a good job and saving for retirement? Why is this just an American thing? Isn’t this like a people thing? ....where you can retire to Florida and live on the beach? Florida was never my ideal home. Did you go to college? If so, what was your major? I’m in college atm. Journalism. Were you abused by your parents? Emotionally/mentally/verbally. Do you know any nice people? ???????? I do, but I’m starting to dislike how general life questions were all clumped into the American category as if the whole world lives an American-centric life. Anyway IT’S NOT THAT SERIOUS ROBYN MOVE ON How often do you bbq? What's your favorite ride at Cedar Point? Other What's the best family vacation you've been on? Palawan was amazing. It was a local vacation but it was so much good fun. What countries have you visited? My own; Japan, China, South Korea, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia. What countries do you want to visit? Morocco, South Africa, Egypt, Canada, Peru, Malta, India, Vietnam, Thailand, Cambodia. Have you ever been to NYC? No. Do you live in a big city, small town, or other? Big city, but I live in the quiet, more suburban part of it so it feels small.

Do you live in the city or country? City. What is your favorite country besides your own? I never claimed that the Philippines was my favorite country hahahaha um I don’t have one. What country do you live in? The Philippines. What is your ancestry? Filipino, Malay, Austronesian, possibility of Spanish. Are you happy with the American government? Right now? It sucks. I only recognize and like AOC. What currency do you use? Philippine peso. Do you think you have an accent? Everyone has an accent. I don’t know why this is a question. Have you ever been told you have an accent? Sure.

#survey #surveys

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surveyjunkie · 8 years ago

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Your Autobiography.

Little kiddies. (Grades 1-5) What color hair did you have? Very dark brown, almost black.

Did you wear glasses or have contacts? Yep, got glasses in the 3rd grade

Did you have braces? Nope

Did you go to pre-school or go straight to kindergarten? I went to pre-school for two years before kindergarten.

Out of grades 1-5, which one was the best for you? 2nd, for sure. I was at a 4-H school that year and everything was just better there - the kids, the curriculum, the teachers, the playground. Then I got moved to a hardcore, college preparatory school and everything went downhill.

Did you have a lot of friends, or just a couple? I had lots in 2nd grade, but when we moved to the city in 3rd grade I barely had any. I had maybe 1 or 2.

What were your favorite shows? Spongebob, Sailor Moon, Powerpuff Girls, Ed Edd & Eddy, Dexter’s Lab, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Lizzie McGuire, That’s So Raven, The Amanda Show, the list goes on and on....

What were your favorite movies? The Parent Trap, Freaky Friday, Life Sized (I was kind of obsessed with Lindsey Lohan, if you couldn’t tell)

Did you read Goosebumps? Rarely. If anything I read “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark” more, which now that I’m adult I realize HOW FUCKED UP IT IS THAT THAT IS A CHILDREN’S BOOK.

What was your favorite thing to do on weekends? Watch cartoons, play online computer games (like Neopets - woo!), draw, write stories, and have sleepovers. Damn, I miss being a kid.

Pre-Teens. (Grades 6-9) What color hair did you have? Dark brown, still

What color hair did you want? I wanted blonde highlights at the time.

Was your Middle School a seperate school from Junior High? No, they were considered the same thing where I went. Grades 6-8 was all Middle School.

Did you have a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends? I had one “boyfriend” in 7th grade.

Did you still watch Disney movies? Duhh. I STILL watch Disney movies and I’m 25, so.

What kind of music did you listen to? A mix of everything. I definitely went through phases though. 6th grade was hard/alt rock because I was trying to be a goth for some reason, 7th grade I became preppy and started listening to hip hop and pop, and then 8th grade is when I discovered “emo” music and got heavily obsessed with that, but still listened to pop and hip hop.

What were some of your interests? AIM, Xanga, music videos (loved Fuse), the show Degrassi, Abercrombie, Starbucks frappuccinos, Etnies skater shoes, boys, MySpace

What was your favorite animal? Dolphin

What was your favorite color? Blue, then changed to pink, then changed to black

Did you draw? That was actually when I started losing interest in drawing. << Same

What was your favorite subject? I’d have to say social studies.

Did you have any piercings? No.

Did you wear make-up to school? Just lipgloss in the 7th grade and eyeliner in the 8th grade.

What kinds of clothes did you wear? Anything from Abercrombie or Hollister. Then in 8th grade all I wore was hoodies, jeans, and converse or skater shoes. Lol.

What did you do on the weekends? Hang out at friend’s houses, go to the mall or the movies

Smells Like… Teeeenagerrrrs. (Grades 10-12) Did you like your high school? Meh.

Was it as bad as they were on TV? Nooo, not that bad. It was just, meh.

What color hair did you have? Freshmen year was 9th grade for us, and I had red streaks in my bangs because I thought I was edgy.

Did you have any piercings? Just earrings.

…How about tattoos? Nope.

What age did you learn to drive? 16

When did you get your license? 17

What was your first car? '99 Chrysler 300

What was your style? It varied. I went through an emo phase in 9th grade and that’s how I dressed, but I got over it and started dressing like a bum basically. Yoga pants, sweatshirts, and uggs err’day.

Did you have a lot of friends or just a few? I had a pretty decently sized group of friends.

What did you do on weekends? Football/basketball games, homecomings, hang out at friend’s houses, go shopping or to the movies, go to the park and mess around, go to “parties”.

Did you have a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends or did you have one or two? I had one towards the end of junior year through my senior year, but we were never official. I don’t even know what we were.

What were some of your favorite bands? The Spill Canvas, My Chemical Romance, From First to Last (freshmen year), Taking Back Sunday, The Academy Is...

What college were you considering? Ball State. Of course I ended up staying local.

Did you get along with teachers, etc? For the most part. There were a few difficult ones.

Young Adults. (College years) What did you look like? I was SKINNYYYY when I graduated high school. I also had dyed my hair black, and had dark skin from tanning all the time. I also actually cared about my appearance back then and would constantly straighten my hair, do my make up, and pick out outfits.

When did you first move out of your parents’ house? Right when college started since I chose to stay in the dorms.

What college did you end up going to? UC.

What kind of music did you like? Don’t judge me, but I was really into Kesha, 3OH!3, and Katy Perry at that point. And DRAKE. I was obsessed with Drake. My music taste was kind of trash in college, but it went along with my lifestyle :)

Did you like college? I loved it, up until junior year. Then it felt more like a prison.

How long were you there? (2 years, 4 years, mooore) Five years. I had to re-do my junior year because I became severely clinically depressed.

Careers. (Any time of your life) What was your first job? My first job ever was a cashier at Stein Mart, but my first “big girl job” was here at the hospital.

Did you like it? I really enjoyed it when I first started, but it started to wear on me after a while. The customers were all older, rich women and constantly had a bug up their butt. And some of the managers were awful.

Are you still there? Noo, I left that place after maybe 6 months.

What do you do now? I’m a research coordinator.

Do you like it? For the most part. I do a lot of different things at my job which is nice because it doesn’t ever get boring and I work flexible hours, but it can also be a bit unpredictable and unstructured which I don’t like. I also don’t get paid super well, so there’s that.

What do you want to do? I want to get MS in business psychology and do something in that field.

Odds and ends. Were you a loud baby or a quiet one? I was loud when I wasn’t being held or paid attention to. My mom said I was fine in public though.

Did you collect anything growing up? Movie tickets and Chinese fortunes.

Do you still have anything from it? I kept a bunch of them in a memorabilia box.

What was your first IM screen name? liltashie92. DONT. JUDGE.

When did you first hear about Myspace? When I was in 7th grade.

Did you have a VF? (VampireFreaks.) Nope.

Do you party a lot? Rarely.

Did you? I did all throughout college, and the first year of being post-grad.

When did you get your first tattoo? Don’t have one.

Have you ever dyed your hair? I’m pretty much always dyeing it.

Did you study any languages (other than the one you were raised to speak)? Just Spanish.

Are you still into the things you were into when you were 12? Some of them. I mean, I took surveys like this then and I do them now, hahaha.

How about 15? Eh, yeah, I suppose. Honestly, I have more in common with my 12 year old self than my 15 year old self....

Do you listen to the same bands you did growing up? I do, every now and then. Currently, I have a thing for 70′s and 80′s music though.

Were your parents cool parents or were they strict? Strict. As in, I was never allowed to go to concerts unless they listened to the band first and approved it.

Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. Nothing major, although I did total my car in 2011.

What was your favorite food as a kid? It’s always been cheeseburgers.

What is it now? Cheeseburgers.

#survey

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willreadforbooze · 6 years ago

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Hello!

Here’s our weekly wrap up from the WRFB crew =)

Linz’s Updates

Got drunk Friday. Got less drunk Saturday. Celery and sadness the rest of the week.

What Linz read:

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone: Two figures, Red and Blue, fight for opposite teams in a war to change the course of time, and they start to fall in love. REALLY cool concept, but there’s a lot that was left to be explained–and I suspect they could have done so if this weren’t just a novella.

It All Comes Back to You by Beth Duke: I’ve been trying to make use of my Kindle Unlimited trial, so I read this novel that bounces between a nursing home aide writing a book about a now-dead patient’s life, and the actual events of the patient’s life. Meh–unhealthy relationships, questionable motivations, and a major fail of the Bechdel Test.

Now Entering Addamsville by Francesca Zappia: A rebel girl tries to prove she didn’t commit a string of arsons without telling the truth, because that would mean telling people she sees ghosts and fights demons. Review tk, but I really enjoyed reading this book.

Cursed by Thomas Wheeler (illustrated by Frank Miller): You’ve all seen the very catchy Netflix-toned ARC cover, you’ve all seen this at every book festival this year. Review tk, but…yikes.

What Linz is reading:

Recursion by Blake Crouch: I literally have no idea what this is about, I picked it up because I really liked Dark Matter and everyone else on our team has loved this book. I’m 2.5 chapters in and goddamn I may finish this today.

Ginny’s Updates:

Whatsup! I’ve had a great week. Went to see a Cirque du Soleil show for my Birthday on Tuesday with some of my amazing friends, and as always my mind was BLOWN! I tried to branch out this week and read a little more things outside of my norm. I’ll let you know how that went, but first:

Currently reading:

Breathless by Beverly Jenkins: This is the second book in a series, the first book was Forbidden which I covered in a previous weekly wrap up. This book focuses on one of Eddy’s nieces and one of the other minor characters. This series is charming and does a really nice job of creating the atmosphere of the old west. I’m really enjoying Portia’s personality and the way Kent is so laid back.

After the Flood by Kassandra Montag: This is one of the ARC’s we got from somewhere and it takes place in a flooded world. It’s pretty damn heavy on the dystopian. I’m about 70 pages in and I get the feeling this might get DNF’d, not because the book is bad, but just because I’m not sure I’m in the right place to read something like this. Myra is traveling with her 8 year old daughter and finds out that her 12 year old daughter (who had been kidnapped by her shitty shitty husband) might have been sold basically to slavers… It’ll be interesting to see which list this ends up on for me next week.

Finished:

Half-Off Ragnarok by Seanan McGuire: This is the third book in the InCryptid series and it switches focus from Verity, to her older brother Alex. Alex lives in Ohio with his grandparents working at a zoo which is a great cover for his interest in cryptozoology. I’m planning on writing a review for this one, so no more info here.

Lord Dashwood Missed Out by Tessa Dare: I think I’ve read other things by Tessa Dare and picked this one out because of a twitter thread about the “enemies to lovers” trope which I occasionally find delightful. As a note, this was a novella, so pretty damn short. But they were childhood friends and he was a bit of an ass to her before disappearing for years. She wrote a book about it and when he comes back she’s right pissed at him. Obviously it works out in the end. But a quick fun read. 3.5/5

My Best Friend’s Mardi Gras Wedding by Erin Nicholas: I have this book club where I read free romance novels from Amazon with a few of my friends. This one was a lot better than the ones that we usually read. Definitely had a few issues (starting out with the leads have painfully cringey flirtations at the beginning of the book and ending with the wrong person uprooting their entire life plus the addition of a probably too bitchy fiance of the heroines best friend). Regardless, the cast of this was pretty fun. 3/5

Trouble in Lafayette Square: Assassination, Protest Murder at the White House by Gil Klein: This book takes snapshot looks at pieces of history in one small square of the nations capital. The book follows a fairly linear timeline and especially early on there’s a fair amount of overlap. It was a good reminder for a local about the amount of history that is steeped in the vast majority of the city I walk through on a daily basis. 4.5/5

How to Lose a Bride in One Night by Sophie Jordan: This book had it’s moments but there was definitely a certain amount of sexual assault and I’m kind of in the camp of offering warnings for that somewhere.

The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards: This book starts in the mid-60s when a doctor and his wife has twins. The girl has downs syndrome and the doctor gives the baby away before his wife wakes up form the gas they used to give women who gave birth (gonna be honest, the “twilight” births sound kind of great. Wish they still did those) and tells his wife the baby died instead. The book follows the lives of the Dr, wife, and son, to be compared with the life of the nurse who took the baby and raised her as her own. It’s an interesting look at grief and the ways a single decision can ripple out. That being said I’m very conflicted about the way that I feel about this book and the way that the people with Downs Syndrome are treated. I think it could be a realistic portrayal, but I’ can’t tell whether or not it’s also infantalizing. 2.5/5

Sam’s Updates

It was a fun week! Ginny’s and Mama’s birthday, went to the show, it was awesome. Got drunk on Friday, and then also last night. I am hurting pretty bad this morning (she says, at 4:39 in the afternoon).

What I read this week:

Four Dead Queens by Astrid Scholte: In this story, the country is divided into four quadrants each with their own specialty, run by their own queen. Enter our everyday thief and she finds out about a plot to kill the queens. Off we go on our adventure. I listened to this on audio, and it was fine. not great, but not bad either. Insta-love was a thing and so was the “plot twist”.

Only Human by Sylvain Neuvel: This is the third book in the Themis Files. I was talking about this with Parker this week, while I LOVED book 1, and book 2 was alright, this one has shifted tone drastically. I didn’t mind the end at all. But I sorta wanted more from it.

What I’m currently reading:

Steeltide by Natalie C. Parker: This is the second book in the Seafire series, which I didn’t enjoy as much as I wanted to, but THIS book. THIS BOOK is significantly better than the first. I love it when that happens.

The Girl From Everywhere by Heidi Heilig: This story is about a girl on a pirate ship that can travel through time. Her dad, the captain, is tryna get back to Hawaii so he can save his wife, but it may mean that our lady may cease to exist. I’m doin ok with this. I think, like Linz, I struggle with this author. Audiobook format is helping though. Idk what the plot is supposed to be yet.

Minda’s Updates

What Minda is reading now:

On Swift Horses by Shannon Pufahl – Based in the post-war American west, this woman and her brother-in-law are living a restless and divergent life on the road. Haven’t gotten very far yet.

Mrs. Everything by Jennifer Weiner – This story is about two sisters growing up in the suburbs of Detroit in the 1950s. As we follow them through their lives, things don’t go according to plan. Enjoying so far!

Weekly Wrap Up: September 16-22, 2019 Hello! Here’s our weekly wrap up from the WRFB crew =) Linz's Updates Got drunk Friday. Got less drunk Saturday.

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blasianangrymom · 8 years ago

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What do white people dream about: the struggle for representation

What do rich white people dream about?

Putting overtime in the unconscious to fight the battle to be considered human, as I am.

I like to imagine that out there is some person who is spending their precious time asleep dreaming relaxing, fanciful dreams.

This morning I dreamt of a brown person (sometimes he was South Asian but then sometimes he was Black, as dream characters can shape-shift without any reason or problem within the dream) with a mustache who was wrongfully imprisoned for about twenty-three years according to NPR.

I remember wondering what crime he was accused of. It turned out that I knew somehow that his mother was killed and he was wrongfully imprisoned; his father had his life upturned because he was under suspicion as well. The Wrongfully Imprisoned Brown Person went into the slammer when there was no internet or ATMs. He was seventeen, and he came out a middle-aged man.

In the dream, I meet him again and pour him some special whisky I got from Canada. We sit down together with friends in my living roothis My tall Nordic friend Stacey is here. I have a tiny glass cup from Hokkaido with lilies etched on it that I usually serve my daughter water or milk in. There’s some leftover whiskey in it. There are several glasses of whiskey, enough for the whole crowd of a few close, yet, for now, faceless white friends standing in my dining room, and we drink to the Wrongfully Imprisoned Brown Person. Right now, he presents as a striking South Asian, maybe E. Indian, jet-black hair with a part and a barely-there wave to it, rather long. He has an intense set of eyes that stare deep and is mustachioed with an almost-comically bushy (it’s shaped hipster- or 19th century person-like, but not quite handlebar as the ends don’t curl up) ’stache. I offer Stacey my baby’s water cup with the little bit of golden whiskey to drink to the Wrongfully Imprisoned Brown Person. She shrugs when I give her the leftover baby whiskey and plops it in her drink. Now, the whiskey in the cup has magically turned into milk. She makes a face (we all do). I’m sure her milk/whiskey-Jaeger-bomb (did she plop it in a beer? I’ll never know.) was nasty as hell. The white woman on NPR interviewing Wrongfully Imprisoned Brown Person says, “How do you deal with anger?” He begins to answer, a vague, polite, canned response, I cynically think. The dream ends.

When I was fed a steady diet of U.S. media growing up, I used to dream in racist. After all, it was what was around me and being ingested by me at least three to four hours a day and upwards of thirty or more hours a week. I remember in one instance, there was a tiny leathery-skinned Mexican mini-man who was about to shoot me with a revolver bigger than he was as I hung crucified on a cross between two other crosses at the edge of a cliff. He was obviously a pseudo-person modelled off of America’s favorite Mexican, the mouse Speedy Gonzales. I did not question the strange Mexican at the time; it was about 1993 and I was under ten years old. I just remember feeling terror at the prospect of being shot.

Now that I deal in anti-racist work as a full-time, compulsory position, balancing that with writing and working full time as contributor to the economy+mom+wife+daughter+friend and erstwhile art-scenester, I put in overtime during my dreams.

I had the Stay at Home Mom-privilege of attending white anti-racist notable Robin DiAngelo’s daytime workshop on Understanding Structural and Institutional Racism about a year ago. Though it was heartening to have my perspectives and feelings validated as a person of color, i.e. “you’re not crazy in thinking that white people as a social order do not acknowledge or care that you exist, because the current wave of racism is that of white isolation,” it was also re-triggering to re-live all the ways in which our society, government, business, and media are racist. She provided AV slides of the ways in which even the Donkey (its black afro-puff, brown fur, and Black male voice Eddie Murphy) from Shrek supports White Supremacy in that he dreams of his best self being a white horse with a straight, flowing white mane. Ah, Racial Purity.

After attending the workshop, that night my dreams were again colonized by racism. I dreamt that my great-grandfather had a soymilk factory in the 1800s. I was transported to a seaside ghost resort town with little commerce other than a giant gymnasium that was the former site of a world’s fair. I walked around in the giant gymnasium and upon stepping into my great-grandfather’s circular novelty soymilk wave machine (it used to contain a shit ton of soymilk and could fit probably 3-4 people at a time), I suddenly had a vision of the past. The black-and-white relics--neon signs and old machines, etc. all around me suddenly turned to a burnt sepia, with a scratchy phonographic soundtrack to match. I saw that the one Asian and possibly the only person of color (though, what would They have called us back then? Mongol-savage-oriento-afroloids?) exhibiting at the fair was my great-grandfather. He might have even had on a bowler hat or top hat and suit and tie with coattails. Although nothing major actually happened in this within-a-dream flashback, I witnessed my great-grandfather, a proud soymilk-factory-owning man and successful entrepreneur, walking along the boardwalk by himself. The other business stands, white people, sniggered, jeered, and/or glared at him as he walked by them. I saw his pride melt away as they reduced his self-image to that of a buck-toothed, queue-having yellow Oriental with slanted eyes. He had to go back to his particular corner--which it turns out wasn’t with the entrepreneurs selling their wares and promoting industry--it was the circus area alongside the naked Filipinos who were supposed cannibals or dog-eaters or whatever “savage” act the fair organizers had them on display for. As in the dream, I woke up crying.

the TICKING TIME BOMB to infinity

So much of my short (or long) 31 years has been spent unlearning self-hate. So, much of my motherhood (13 months) is seeking the tools to prevent self-hate from being inculcated in my daughter. I’ve tried the following tactics in the past few years:

1. Educating white folks about racism by explaining how POC are affected (failed; work in progress).

2. Encouraging white folks to think about their own racism by explaining how they enact the white Gaze of Normalcy (meh, like pulling teeth; work in progress)

And my new tactic is?

1. Expressing among people of color groups how we can unite together and work on our own inter-ethnic and internalized racism (total fucking failure; work in progress), without white people around.

I pore over the internet looking for baby books featuring children of color so Ruby can see that her absence does not mean she is deficient in some way. There are books out there, but few with characters that look like her Blasian, beautiful self. The best we can shoot for is Latina in terms of a skin color similarity. What well-intentioned folks saying “just read a book with animals in it” don’t understand is the negation of the self through absence.

I can’t say for men of color, specifically Asian-American males, what it means to be constantly invisible, but in a society where women and girls are judged and valued for their beauty--their image--I assume that there is an extra urgency for little girls to see themselves reflected back at them in a sea of images of white girls as the ideal--blonde thin pretty ones.

ways the struggle exacerbates the time confetti experience of ladiez

*community

*education to self affirm

*carving space

*fighting self-hate

*getting hated on

The multilayer cake to eat and have (not). I. The Need.

Fake it til you make it?

Picture perfect? Minivans and soccer?

Clean House? Therapy? (Do you KNOW how many choices of therapists there are that are people of color let alone women of color?)

Happy Marriage?

Adjusted baby?

When your early childhood experiences have the sting of you being the butt end of some racial shit--white people hating on your special i.e. otherness, you spend a lot of time trying to prevent that for your own child. When you are the sole actor of color in an ensemble of whites only, burnout is inevitable.

*CARVING SPACE

*COMMUNITY *EDUCATION *ACTIVISM *ART?

The cycle of hate, anger and release

The Asian mom way of parenting based upon fear and trepidation -- probably has some merit to it. Considering the way that parents of color have a different set of concerns than white parents - i.e. will my child be racially targeted, racially objectified, along with the worry of some kind of sexual violence. Who has time to be in the struggle, be a picturesque lady (whatever the fuck that entails), a loving partner and co-parent, be a feminist revolutionary? And have dinner, a clean house, and a put-together sense of calm?

In the same way la French Madame Louise Bourgeois carves things--makes sculptures from raw materials--because she’s not happy with the way things are---I will be

CARVING A FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE.

Carving a fortress of solitude involves twisting time’s masculinist arm to your will. A feminist has to block out messages of inferiority due to X unfinished business (manicure-less hands? Messy hair? Messy kitchen? No food hot, ready, and lovingly made from scratch?).

Here’s the thing though. A mother of color has to strategically choose from which stone to carve her time for RELAXATION and DECOMPRESSION and it is unlikely she will ever have a truly freed space without the use of heavy intoxicants.

Should she take time away from her precious family to soothe herself? Well she’s been has taught her to self-sacrifice as a woman, and likely culturally as well. My mom ate leftovers and she ate last if at all with the family, leaving the best for everyone else. She worked so hard to scrimp and save and to this day gives me a mountain of um, “useful” items like the 1980s “Can Crusher” or the acne-reduction face wash from circa 1995, In order if just to save the environment from waste and to save me a little money. Squeezing fractions of pennies from thrift shop finds like squeezing blood from a stone.

The thing about carving time is it feels like the easiest option is not to do it. Should I carve from that sparkly gem, the sleep stone? Be extra-productive by not sleeping? Okay, my (insert task) can be accomplished but then I feel like shit all day.

In the hyper-connected social media activist age where we SAHMs (stay at home moms) are underemployed if at all by the current economic system, Angry POC groups or blogs can serve as a therapeutic source of community. If I have time after deigning to attempt to keep all the beings of the house fed, watered, and diapered , I can then put on my volunteer/do gooder/activist/get knowledge hat.

My Baby broke my glasses while I was riveted by an interethnic race relations article. I assume this means something.

Is the question of either a Do I need to choose between a productive life OR a peaceful life OR an activist life OR a wife and Mom life?

The Madonna-Whore complex and Momcat Can you be a sexy, mom, activist, feminist, aesthete professional wife-partner? Do you have the energy to do so?

The Bechdel test for moms

STEREOTYPE THREAT.

Carving space from: -sleep -baby -relationship -self -idealism -volunteering -achieving professional goals -writing -art -house -eating

Every mom becomes a pragmatist. Ideals? What are/were those? Moments to breathe not filled with the drudgery of daily tasks? I can no longer fathom without much ___

SPACE TO BREATHE

giving yourself permission to be okay, say that you’re okay, in a space where clearly you are not okay. A suspension of the social order. A brief moment in time. Upsetting the social order. And not feeling bad about it. Women are in the caring industry. Do we become callous to the needs of others in order to care for ourselves? Is our pain and suffering and struggle REQUISITE to the order of society and is the corollary of this true?

CARVING SPACE for healing. In the fortress of solitude -- we set aside and get away from the din of the roar of inferiority, the voices in our own heads, hearts, that we’ve absorbed from around us. There are frequent breaks that create more fissures to patch up -- getting hated on (WHEN YOUR OWN PEOPLE hate on your daughter or your dude for being non-anglo-featured or non-light-skinned--it is a non-revolutionary betrayal and yet another fissure in the romantic idea that all POC want the same thing--equality, empowerment, self-acceptance + reminds me how much the struggle is of liberating our own colonized hearts and minds.)--

FIGHTING SELF HATE -- This society thrives on our invisibility and availability as willing participants + Free/low wage/slave labor, as women, as mothers. Our pursuits and perspectives are not valued monetarily because they are assumed. The feminine is not productive - yet our wombs (apologies to those for whom this is not true) and the work of our hands are fertile fecund as fuck. Recognizing our own power and strength is only one piece of empowerment.

I wasn’t a feminist until now; good job ma.

The struggle to accept femininity was due to my hatred of all the weakness associated with said concept. Now that I’ve birthed a human I can truly see the sheer strength and invisible struggle of women, the policing of our bodies, and the insurmountable tasks set before us to be considered normal, let alone good, members of society. It’s crippling and I cannot believe my immigrant mom with my dad's assistance did this raising kids business for so long with three kids and yet instilled a keen sense of identity and ethnic pride (along with the unhealthy self-hate and self-sacrifice to a fault).

What will it take for us to be integrated human beings? Not just a vagina and tits but a whole human person who has those parts (if they identify with those parts)? Good!!

The Momcat and Imperfection revolution

The White woman

It's been said that theis white woman is a good example of feminism or this one or that one in the u.s. white man heavy media. But so often the trope is a trope of utter perfection in looks, business, relationship, skills, sexiness, and/or motherhood, meaning all women fall short of the glory of Motherhood.

What does it mean to have an equitable society where men pick up some of the slack? Letting go of perfection. You're never going to be the whitest thinnest blondest mommiest superfreak with the hottest wife or husband and best kids. It's not going to happen.

If l stopped chasing a strangely pervasive ideal of a singular form of femininity and motherhood (overwhelmingly white middle class and upholding the Madonna/whore complex), that of perfection in self spouse house and children would I…

Write an opera?

Learn an instrument?

Take up diving?

Perhaps it is for this reason the acknowledgment that children take time and housekeeping takes time that I have thought “when my husband and I retire we can go to theology school together.” “when I retire I'll play surf rock, nirvana covers, and fix 1960s cars.”

I'm no fool. Kids take time, energy, and stress. They also create a crushing environment of sacrificial love and pure elation. Does driving perfectionism for child rearing necessitate death of self or putting your dreams on hold? Does it for men? Is having professional or creative goals impossible with children?

It's taken time to unlearn my regular mode of constant guilt or shame around failures of any kind. I went from working barely five hours a week to five jobs and forty hours, so that I could have my own earned income, stay on top of debt, but most importantly, designated non-working time (i.e. leisure). In motherhood at home, there is no such thing. Life is a constant hum of things to be done, unless you want someone to drown in poopy diapers or starve. I still wonder whether women or people of color really have ever had such a thing as leisure time…is sabbath for all or only the elite? Who was God talking to when God commanded rest?

After over a year of waking up every single night to feed Ruby, I thought since I'm working now I get some relief from that duty. I was wrong.

It's not enough that I stayed with Ruby for a year, because apparently I was lazily lounging around then (I was not); and now that I'm taking her to daycare as a daycare teacher, plus the other jobs, now I'm doing too much. It's never enough. I'm never enough. Our ideal woman does everything without complaint, effort, or any consternation whatsoever.

Why do we set ourselves up for failure?

Is there an alternative to this impossible, idealized vision of motherhood?trope to these ideas of sahmomming?

-Madonna whore complex

-ugly clothes

-your vagina is over!!!

All are middle class upper white woman?

Very unhealthy view of sex

Feel tired

Give up and be asexual or spend massive amounts of time on beauty

Double standard

What colors do mixed babies dream of?

I'd like to imagine my daughter, Ruby dreams of herself reposed and in power, served by variously hued men and breasts flowing with milk. There are so few portraits in u.s. pop culture of ANY women of color, let alone powerful ones, that it is hard at this point to imagine she will continue to dream in such grandeur without grand interludes of racism and whiteness.

Contrast that with the treatment every male but most especially cis het able bodied middle class white ones, gets on every front: divine worship, centrality, agency, prominence, the expectation of service, excellence, exceptionalism, normalcy, individuality, the benefit of the doubt, the assumption of ability and strength, AND no need to:

-be empathetic

-f with poc esp female trans lgbtq differently abled poor Black ones

-disprove any number of stereotypes about belonging or competence

What a difference a brother makes

In my private life I've wavered from being an egotistical fashionista to complete iconoclast-ascetic. I'd always admired those with swag. I never knew whether I had the “right” to have or own any swagger as the nerdy Asian model minority, so I erred on the side of caution.

However, as time wore on in my beautiful interracial marriage to a young black man, I got my “(married to a) n* wake up call.”

If we weren't being hated upon or micro-aggressed by my classist and racist family, there was always the young white male yelling “FUCKING NIGGER!!!!!” from a pickup truck, or the passing over for promotions coupled with Obama-ing (“there's something about him. I just don't trust him!”) and other beautiful stereotype quoting (“lazy, white woman stealer, crack seller, sketchy, deserving to be shot by police,” etc.) by the ridiculous white racists at work.

What do you call a patient kind loving Black dad in argyle sweaters who is a Early childhood educator and critical race theorist preschool teacher and so church worker, for christ sake? I'll give you a hint: it means Black and is a racial epithet. It doesn't matter how much white posturing this good man does because ultimately the problem is white people and their psychotic issues around identity, sexuality, racism, and fear of a Black planet. Their issues get projected onto people of color especially Black folks, and we’re blamed for them.

Every time some shit goes down and we have a n wake up call, I want to shave my head, put on expressive eyeliner, don bright colors--turn mourning into dancing. The thing white people complimenting such boldness don't understand is where the swag comes from and the fact that they can't have or take it from us (But this is a great line!). Speaking only from my personal experience, I think when a white woman who is literally oppressing me with her good intentions to be color blind and preserve the status quo of white power compliments my manicure, “yeah well it's not FOR you even though it is in response to you. You don't get this and you don't get to and you don't own me.”

The power that comes from self-expression through fashion has never been more potent when at a time women are unvalued unsexy and made to feel like “you had a baby your life is over and you're not useful as a sexual being anymore” and yet the fashion available for breastfeeding is: all made for white Christian soccer moms. Have you ever seen a couture nursing shirt or dress that doesn't make you gag with its complete lack of spirit, thrill, or pizzazz?

I haven't, unless it's out of my price range. So I've spent the last year or two wearing the ugliest clothes ever and making do with bright pink lipstick and bold blue eyeliner. White women don't have the additional burden of proving that they are sexual beings (unless they're moms), because they y'all are portrayed as the standard and ideal (although it is tough to speak for all white women). So when I'm putting on my anti oppression armor makeup and you go to PCC in your jammies sans any effort I am thinking, ok, well I look good, but it's from a place of pain, and you look schloopy but it's from a place of resignation, defeat to misogyny, or ignorant white privilege, I suppose.

The white upper to middle class woman soccer mom ideal is so pervasive and monopolizing a view of the feminine ideal that I've often distanced myself from it. As. Far. As. Possible. This is the genius of Kool AD (of “Bitch I'm Madonna” obscurity) and his parenting column in Vice (add link). Not only is he spinning an alternately gendered narrative of parenthood, it is antithetical to every white woman ideal in diction (hip-hop) and philosophy (Young Jeezy). Perhaps the closer one is to white woman idealism the more you try to be a perfectionist. The opposite is true. (Why is the opposite true?)

It's not that I think being a good mom is a terrible ideal, I think a gendered raced and patently inequitable and unachievable narrative is destructive to all, white people included. Or especially?

I can't help but think that “proper” “appropriate” parenting involves whiteness, and everything else, especially Blackness, is patently inappropriate, shameful, or harmful. If I want Ruby to be ready for her future n word wake up call, which is a horrible constituency to plan for, she's going to experiment with different modes of expression, which do not inherently have Shame around body, sex, and movement and propriety. It's like all white women were taught to look Victorian with their hands obediently crossed or in a cross stitch and stayed in that seated position with a high necked ridiculous turtleneck, but the white men went out of their way historically to rape and pillage women of color.

An old white man at the racist church my husband worked at once told me and my husband: “you are children. Children should be seen and not heard.” Ooh, was I pissed about the racial connotations. At least he didn't call Jasen boy or Negro, or me oriental hooker whore…

In response to that comment is the end note here.

No. I'm not a child for challenging your racist bullshit.

No. I will be seen.

No. I will be heard.

And Ruby the beautiful child my progeny will be too. First in her power trippin’ dreams of men serving her and mama’s flowing titty milk, then in her swaggy response to some white sexist racist bullshit. And, we will design some better pregnancy and maternity clothes for our people in the next twenty years. We can share the look but not the swag with poor tired and resigned white mommies too.

Love,

Concerned Mother of Color

#egs

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