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sidemenyesplease · 3 years

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simon angst with a happy fluffy ending maybe?? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Driver License - Simon

Type - angst? (Not really ‘cause I suck

writting it) into fluff , swears

Warnings - starts of with some angst

A/n - this is based on the song ‘Driver License’ by Olivia Rodrigo so I recommend you listen to it / the text in pink is the lyrics from the song x

Posted : 28.2.21

(Y/n’s pov)

“Hey, where’s Simon?” I asked the boys when I walked into the house where all the boys (including both of the Cal’s) where there expect for Simon.

“Oh he’s with that girl he meet on tinder” Ethan told me making me pause.

“Oh” I bit my lip, he was the one I wanted to tell the news to the most, i mewn the rest of the boys are all my closest friends but Simon is who I’m closest with out of them and we always tell everything to each other,

Or used to.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he really likes her” Ethan smiled at me as I seat in between the Cal’s.

Ouch.

That hurts to hear, yes I have a crush on Simon but been to affaid to tell him. “Yeah she’s pretty cool” JJ commented.

“Yeah, and hot” Freezy laughed making me look down and play with my sleeves, yes I’ve seen pictures of her.

“You ok?” Lux whispered to me while everyone’s attention was focoued on the tv, he was the only one who knew about my crush since I knew I could trust him not to tell anyone.

I just nodded, even though him and me both knew I wasn’t, I was exited to tell Simon the news.

“I got my driver license last week” I whisper to Lux seeing his eyes widen and he smiled over at me, since I was to busy from last week I haven’t seen the boys yet to tell boys and was going to tell them all today, now that I have free time.

But Simon wasn’t here, the one I wanted to tell the most.

Just like we always talked about

'Cause you were so excited for me

I was looking forward to tell him the most because he is my best friend, and actualy the one who helped me before my test and always believed in me.

And we planned to go on long drives togther, because he knew how much I loved going out for a drive at night and he said he’d always come with me.

“I’ll be back soon I’m just going to the shop” I announced as I got up from my seat and grabbed my phone from the table.

“Anyone want anything?” I asked , seeing everyone saying know , and that they where fine.

“I’ll be back” I told them, as the nodded I went and left quickly, closing the door behind me I walked to my car and out the keys in and sighed.

To finally drive up to your house

But today I drove through the suburbs

Crying 'cause you weren't around

I felt bad that I only wanted to go to the boys house to see Simon, so I decided to get out, on my own, for a bit.

Once I finshed going to the shop I went back into my car and started to drive back, I’ve only been out for 10 minuites.

Before I started to drive, I got out my drink and looked out the window and was in my own thoughts.

And you're probably with that blonde girl

Who always made me doubt

She's so much older than me

I hate being jealous, it’s not Simons fault either, I wish I told him sooner but I just didn’t want to ruin our frinship incase he didn’t like me back in that way which is more than likely, even more than ever now, that his with her, who seems to be his ideal type.

I’m not usally the one to get jealous over girls but She's everything I'm insecure about.

Felling my phone buzzing on my leg made me flinch a little, looking down to it to see it was a text from Lux.

‘Just making sure you’re ok, Simons here (on his own) btw x’

I read , smiling a little when I read him asking if I’m ok, it’s nice feeling like at lest someone cares.

‘Yeah I’m omw back’

I texted back quickly and set my phone down so I could start driving.

“Who’s car is that?” Harry asked when I walked back into the house while he was looking out the window and finaly realised I was droven here and not by Lux or Simon.

“it’s mine” I mumbled and went back to sit beside the Cal’s, and spotted Simon sitting across from me and look at me.

“Since when can you drive?” Questioned JJ making everyone’s attention be on me.

“Uh, since last week, I was going to tell you todsy actually” I said, seeing Lux smile proudly as he threw his arm around me as everyone looked at me suprised but proud.

“You never told me” Simon sounded offended since we tell each other everything.

“I was busy last week and you weren’t here eariler” I replied back to him swing his face change a little.

“Oh yeah, how was the date?” Ethan smiled as he asked Simon making me roll my eyes and lean bsck on the sofa.

“It was fine” Simon shrugged making Ethan give him a look confused as if he expected Simon to say more about it or sound more happy.

“We’re going on another date on Thursday” Simon announced out making Ethan smile again.

“This Thursday?” I asked as he got my full attention now.

“Yeah” he confirmed to me making me look down again and play with my shelve which is a habit of mine.

“Oh, I thought we had plans to go out that day” I said softly, also seeing Lux looking at me to make sure I was ok with him knowing I’d be hurt.

Simon never misses our planes or never skips out on them, even if his really busy he used to give me time.

“But that’s fun have fun with the smoking hot girl” I faked smiled at him before he could commented, and rested my head on Lux’s shoulder.

“Sorry I must of forgotten, I’ve been so caught up on her” Simon frowned at me after my reaction.

“Oh she’s coming over here now by the way, if that’s ok with you guys?” Simon asked making me sight softly , knowing that everyone won’t mind and will say yes , and my response wouldn’t matter.

“Hey, could you take me for a drive?” I want to see how good you are” Lux asked, with him also known I’d want to get out of here when she was here, I didn’t want to be in the same room as her and Simon.

“Of course” I smiled at Lux, thankful I told him about my crush other wise I’d be stuck here and thankful for having him helping me out, anotber reason I told Lux.

“Do you not want to meet her?” Simon asked, thinking I’d want to since he has let me meet all his other friends, and his meet all of my friends.

“Uh maybe another day” I lied to him, never wanting to meet her in real life after seeeing her photos, while I’m jealous enjoy just seeing them I could imagine making a fool of myself meeting her irl.

“Oh, ok” Simon softly spoke, I could tell he felt a bit usset since this is the first friend of his I haven’t meet yet.

“We will be going now, see y’all later” Lux spoke for me, grabbing my hand as he dragged me outside, before anything else could happen.

“Thanks” I breathed out as soon as we got out. “No bother, I didn’t want to see her either, she looks fake as fuck in those photos” Lux said making me laugh at his honesty.

“You really want to see my driving though?” I asked making sure, think he was just helping me with using that exause, but seeing him nod his head making me smile and walked up to my car and unlocking it, letting him in.

“Where do you want to go?” I asked him as we both buckled out seatbelts.

“Anywhere” he shrugged.

Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs

“Ok let’s go” I spoke, thinking of places to drive as I started my car up again, but still having Simon at the back of my head, trying to get rid of thinking of him, but I don’t think I could.

'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

And all my friends are tired

“I miss him” I mumbled seeing Lux give me a look, wanting me to stop talking about him.

Of hearing how much I miss you, but

“I know you do, so let’s just have fun togher today” Lux told me, wanting to help me, making me smile and I finaly started to drive out of the drive way.

I kinda feel sorry for them

'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do

“Where we going to?” Lux asked while he out his window down.

“The beach” I said seeing him nod, but also without him knowing it was mine and Simons go to.

Today I drove through the suburbs

And pictured I was driving home to you

“I hope she’s still not here” Lux spoke as we got back out of the car two hours later and where back to the house after having a walk across the beach since it was a nice day.

I agreed whilst we both walked up to the door and opened it to get back in.

“Y/n, can I talk to you?” Was the first thing I heard being asked when we where in, from Simon. I looked around seeing the girl not here anymore, thankfully.

“Alone” Simon we continued after he saw me nod.

“Uh yeah sure” I answered slowly, seeing him getting of the sofa as Lux went to sit back down he grabbed my hand and lead me up to his room.

“I cancled the date” Simon told me once he closed his door.

“Why?” I asked suprised, looking at him confused since I though he really liked her, so why would he cancle it?.

“Becuase I realised I liked someone else and not her” he told me.

“Oh” was all I could get out, grate even less a chance to be with him, but why was he only telling me?.

“It’s you who I like” he spoke quickly, making me barley catch what he was saying, but I was able to which made me look at him with wide eyes while he was looking at me nervously.

“I- I like you to” I replied honestly seeing him smile brightly and being me into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry for ignoring you when I was with her” he mumbled into my back.

“It’s ok” I sighed , just being happy I had him back and that having it turn out he liked me.

#sidemen #simon minter #miniminter #simon minter imagine #sidemen imagine #sidemen x reader

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jupitermelichios · 3 years

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On a more possitive note, I’ve started watching Sword Art Online. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen (and the last film I saw in cinemas was Cats to give you context for the scale i’m working on here) and I kind of adore it in much the same way I love garbage like Smallville or Twilight. It’s so stupid on so many levels. You could challenge someone to write the worst anime, and it would almost certainly be better than SAO. It’s almost hypnotic how terrible it is.

No one should watch this terrible terrible show so I therefore don’t feel at all bad that I’m about the spoil absolutely everything, but honestly if you do also hate-watch this please come talk to me about how terrible it is. I don’t know anyone else who watches it.

Highlights of Season 1 include:

everyone is trapped in an MMO, and if you die in the MMO you die IRL. but if you were a beta-tester you’re probably fine because they just let them keep all their levels and items from the testing, so they’re all massively OP and everyone just accepts this as a normal and non-game-breaking thing

it’s a fantasy MMO but there’s no races, no magic system, no weapons except swords and maces, and not even an option to dual wield - literally all you can do in this fucking game is stand in front of an enemy and mash the attack button. I’m pretty sure they’re trapped there because the devs realised no one would play this post launch-day otherwise because it’s boring as shit

when the villain traps everyone he also just changs all their avatars to look like they do IRL for absolutely no reason, like actually none, he doesn’t even say he thinks it would be funny, he just does it and no one questions it and it is literally never mentioned again because this is the worst TV show ever animated.

in the second episode the main character deliberately witholds information about how to defeat a boss, indirectly causing multiple deaths. there is absolutely no reason for him to withhold it, he was just being a jerk because he doesn’t like people

in the third episode they reset his entire personality and he’s now a selfless hero pretending to be a lower level than he really is so people will find him more relateable and be his friend because all he wants is to help people. this is not a consequence of episode 2, they just decided they didnt like the character as he’d previously been written.

he makes some new friends who are all objectively terrible people who have decided for no season that the twelve year old who doesn’t really know how to play and keeps having anxiety attacks about the very real possibility of death has to be the guild tank. the MC is high enough level to be functionally immortal in like half the levels, but doesn’t tell anyone this he just lets them go on bullying this child

none of his friends survive that episode, in the game or IRL. which is also a christmas epsiode. a child dies in battle because she’s a terrible tank and then a man commits suicide out of guilt, so then the main character murders santa to try and bring them back from the actual dead but it doesn’t work because again, this is a video game and they are dead IRL, so then he walks off into the snow alone. Christmas!

we meet the best character in the entire show in episode 4, Rosalia, who has gone evil and started just straight murdering people because she’s sick of being an attractive adult woman who can’t get a date because she’s surrounded by lolicons who are only interested in the preteen characters (not a joke, that comes up, the show is firmly on the side of the lolicons)

in the same episode we get an extended bra and panty sequence staring an actual fucking child, like canonically this character is maybe 13 at best. this is one of only 2 occaisions when they feel the need to undress a character and it’s the fucking 12 year old, it’s so gross it reads like a parody of itself

literally every single named female character aged over 8 who talks to the MC falls in love with him after like 5 minutes (and in season 2 this includes his actual sister). he shows absolutely no interest in any of them (including his sister, thank god) until...

the main character gets engaged to a girl he only knows from an MMO after a virtual single date (he doesn’t actually win her in a PVP match but only because he looses the match, he 100% canonically tries to win her in a match, which she is apparently fine with). he then doesn’t bother to ask for her real name until the final episode, he just calls her by her screen name

(that’s okay though becuase it turns out that this moron of a love interest used her real name, on a local server, in a game where your character looks like you do IRL, because apparently getting doxxed is her hobby)

they then get in-game married off screen. there’s not even like a still of a wedding photo. nothing. the main character proposes and then the show immediately jumps to the honeymoon, it’s fucking bizarre.

they find a creepy child dressed all in white with no memory alone in the woods a week into their honeymoon who starts calling them mommy and daddy literally seconds after they first meet her, and they don’t suspect anything suss is going on and adopt her

for hilarity bear in mind the main character may only be 15 at this point (he says he’s only just turned 16 in the last epsiode, but his actual birthday is never mentioned), and his virtual wifu is 16, but no one ever questions the marriage or the adoption, even though ‘hey marriage in a video game is as important and meaningful as marriage in real life’ is an actual conversation people have multiple times. also they think the child they adopt is an actual IRL 8 year old who thinks these randos she met in an MMO are her mum and dad and everyone just goes with that like it’s a totally normal thing

a character called ‘Thinker’ agrees to meet an enemy faction leader for peace talks. the “peace talks” take place in a high level dungeon and he is told to come alone with no weapons and no fast travel. he does this. no one ever comments that his name is ironic, and in fact they seem to think that being betrayed and trapped in a dungeon with a boss is a totally unexpected turn of events Thinker could never have planned for

they take their new baby into the dungeon to rescue thinker, because they went to the jean grey school of baby rearing, and she imediately reveals that she’s actually a magical maggufin with infinite power, murders the grim reaper, and then dies. In literally the second episode she’s in

after she dies the MC hacks the admin account of the game, converts her corpse into an in game item, and saves to the local storage on his console, with the intention of bringing her back to life as a robot once they’re saved from the game. I’m not joking, that’s an actual thing that happens.

the fact that the main character can just access the main admin account and make massive game-breaking changes isn’t used again in that game and he never thinks to try and use it to force log people out or give himself infinite life so he can just rush the game and free everyone. nope, convert a corpse into an item and then never think about it again.

there’s an entire episode where all they do is go fishing. its the only filler episode in the season, and it immediately follows the death of a small child. it’s the most tone-deaf beach episode in writing history

it turns out this game, this game where they didn’t bother coding in any difference races, weapons, or any kind of magic system, was intended to have fully sentient AI therapists, because why the fuck not at this point honestly

oh also the game has PVP and you can trick the game into thinking a sleeping player is in PVP with you in order to actually murder a real person without it flagging in-game as a murder making the crime impossible for the real life legal system to investigate even though you just murdered a person. and they expect us to believe this game had actual beta testers. at least cyberpunk wasn’t played on microwaves you connected straight to your brain (also not a joke, the VR consoles canonically work by sending microwave radiation into your brain, no wonder VR never caught on)

the set up for the show is that they have to reach level 100 of a dungeon in order to win. At level 75, the writers got bored and the show just ends.

it turns out the power of love allows you to just break the fucking game and the main villain literally has a line about how ‘love allows you to remove debuffs, huh, we didn’t think to plan for that’ because again, there’s no metaphors in this show, everything is 100% literal including the fact that falling in love with another player means you’re immune to the paralysis status effect

power of love also allows you to very briefly become a poltergeist after being killed, but only for like 2 seconds. again not a joke or a metaphor, main character is killed but then gets to hang around as a ghost for a little bit to enable him to defeat the boss. he also doesn’t die in real life despite that being the entire fucking premise of the show, again because power of love.

the bad guy literally has no plan, he’s just doing shit for the sake of having something to do. His actions directly cause the deaths of more than 4,000 people, and it’s not even in aid of anything. they ask him why he trapped 10,000 people in an MMO and allowed them to slowly die, and he’s just like ‘huh, i forgot i did that, random’ and then just fucking peaces out

the fact that he committed one of the largest mass killings outside of war never really comes up again, as far as we know he doesn’t even go to jail. i think the show actually kind of thinks he’s a good guy, which is a fucking WILD moral stance to take on the deaths of 4000 completely innocent people for absolutely no reason

If this sounds hilari-bad but you don’t want to invest the time to watch a show which is objectively garbage, it has an abridged series which is famously better than the show it’s parodying (i’m dead serious, people have character arcs, the getting married after one date thing is properly addressed, the mc has to deal with PTSD because of all his friends dying in epsidode 3, they don’t immediately follow the death of a child with an extended fishing montage, the villain has an actual plan). It’s mostly actually pretty good, but this is the internet and it’s an abridged series, so while there are a lot fewer yikes moments than most it still has enough that I’m not comfortable recommending it without the caveat. that said I still enjoyed it a lot, although possibly not at much as pointing and laughing at the garbage that is the actual show.

#sao bashing #kirito bashing #sao abridged #good bad shows #i love this garbage show so much #it's one of the funniest things i've watched all year #and none of that is intentional #sword art online bashing #if you also love hate this show please come talk to me about how terrible it is

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reonagisolos · 3 years

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yknow, i love jaya and all, but the writing for them hurts me so badly because they do nya so dirty and I'm like NO so here are some of the changes I'd make without jeapordizing the actual plot (from the perspective of someone who watched from s1-7, sort of a rewrite? But not really. Just this one pet peeve I have with the writing here, from someone who loves drama but hates lobe triangles 🤟)

-The love triangle has to go away. i hated watching any type of moment with that cause it felt so forced like..Why would you do that?

-Instead of that, I'd rather have it first establish whether or not the feelings from jay to nya and vice versa were mutual. I'm sure it is and honestly I wish the triangle never existed but if I'd rather have it happen in some other way, I'd honestly want other characters to push it, instead of nya herself. It doesn't even need to be a full fledged arc, just something that happens for one season but affects how she acts in the future

-Doesn't make sense? Let me explain. It's especially apparent in s6 but nya? Yeah she's a GIRLBOSS who can STAND ON HER OWN!! I'd find it more interesting for a reinforcement to her character if she was suddenly pressured by the students or maybe by the other ninja that hey~ since an ai is all powerful and such, maybe they'd tease her about it, pretend like there's something there when there clearly isnt.

-she'd be mad of course (someone on some other post about doing nya dirty said something along the lines of objectifying her as some trophy and honestly I agree but we'll touch on that again later) but let's get to jay and cole.

-Jay, first and foremost, would definitely be overprotective of nya, in the way that kai would be as a naturally overprotective brother, and would likely misinterpret said teasing into cole actually being a "love rival" to him, which obviously isn't going to be his intent cause he's his friend and understands that jay really likes nya, BUT realistically, he'd question their friendship a little because while yes, nya is friends (jay idk man?) with the both of them, he's hurt that he'd be so defensive and angry about something so silly.

-Anyway they would definitely fight about this the same way it happened in canon (and ends about the same way in canon) because man for people who monologue a lot they can't with feelings and probably cope with it the same way.

-Post s3 and into s4, I feel as if their friendship would be even more strained than in canon (One because in this au I want to at least have a year of mourning for their dead friend like cmon) and they'd fight a LOT (moreso because of the instability of their feelings because of zane's death) with cole, it'd be how he made it look like he didn't care for their friend's death plus some leftover feelings from the nya thing.

-For jay, (god let me have enough energy to finish ranting about this because I love him) I see him as the kind of guy that'd carry guilt with him about past shit all the time because he thinks too much when he's alone. (which is a lot at this point) Now, he tends to think very quickly without thinking things through, mainly because stress builds up quickly and he has to do it now or never (kind of like the nature of his power) but when he has time to think he goes very far with it. It's muddles those thoughts of his, cause its been a while since he's talked to any of the other ninja, but he would probably realise on how stupid he was on being unnecessarily protective of nya (of course a little before climax when they had a moment to talk alone she'd tell him about this and boundaries, but he'd mainly kept it on the back burner, definitely staying away more, but sometimes overstepping it) so becuase of that he becomes way more withdrawn—Which shows when he meets the other ninja again for retrieving zane.

okay gonna give you a breather for a moment cause as you can see i yell a lot

-Back to that, it would likely be about the same from there, except cole would be talking a lot more than jay would be, instead showing mostly empty insults and glaring (at least until the the bruise battle which would happen in about the same way tbh)

And anyway, long story short since this was supposed to be about nya, and the end of arc 1 rewrite, they make up and post s4 but a bit before s5, they talk and become good friends again, enough so that they even joke about their stupid rivalry, to the relief of nya becuase damm. those boys stupid but you gotta love em

ANYWAY BACK TO NYA BECAUSE YEAH I NEED MORE WORDS FOR HER

First of all, I don't actually mind the jay seeing into the future and jaya and stuff and making it stupidly obvious he likes her, however...I would've loved if nya actually kept the thing about them being just friends for the rest of the season and a little after (with little moments here and there, but nothing more than platonic in terms of canon) because m/f relationships are fun and cute and while the basis for jaya is definitely there I want more development then maybe some questioning of feelings and then boom after the halfway point of that they come to a conclusion

(It's one of the reasons why I bruiseshipping)

That tea scene where she drops jay into the traveler's tea portal is a decent example of that. Though I wish there was less monologue in that scene cause it dragged on and shouldn't have been so long in a high tension scene where they try to decide who goes in, just one powerful line from her then drop him.

Also I want more moments where nya ripped the dress apart or something with either a weapon nearby or her definitely high power water jets to tear it a bit so she could fight better and kick jin (gin?) butt

or just more scenes of her fighting/training with samurai x or her herself prior to learning about her being the water ninja but if you wanna see that go see my shitty tags ig

okay I'm done now

#ninjago #nya ninjago #jay ninjago #cole ninjago #ninjago rewrite #okay so these are just my brainrots at 3 am and I'm trying my best not to cry because I love jaya but some of the writing for it hurts a lot #some of these may be inconsistent bare with me #I'm just dying #and i love nya and jay #Listen ik there's bruise potential here but I'll think about that later #rant #about the water ninja thing #Because its unrelated to the main thing I'll rant about it here #I definitely think it should've been revealed that both parents were elemental masters before anything #THEN #have nya know early on but doubt it and just think that she's unlucky ig but she's gonna train twice as hard to come close with samurai x #Until there's an accidental usage of water powers #And she's in disbelief #Or #Have them not know and her to accidentally use them and boom wu tells them about it #but i do want nya to hesitate before deciding to be the water ninja #Because a big part of her character development in s6 was about her choosing whk she wants to be #Imo the writers actually handled that pretty well #Like I liked the scene and it lines up well with her as a characyer7 #And anything about consistent characterizations makes me happy #Anyway I'm actually done now #I've beem writing this fkr an hour straight #ninjago masters of spinjitzu #o

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cookiedoughmeagain · 3 years

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Haven DVD Commentaries; 5.22 - A Matter of Time

Commentary with Joshua Brandon (writer for the last episode), Brain Millikin (writer for this episode) and Colin Ferguson (who plays William and directed 5.20)

BM: This was written really as one big two hour episode with 5.21. We did that a bunch of times this year and I think it does feel that way. In a perfect world they would have maybe aired in a two hour block, because this is the most two-partery episode we’ve done all season long. CF: It does feel that way. And I like how in this episode, in every plot line there is someone who’s stuck. Stuck in the fence, stuck in the cave and stuck to a chair. BM: Yes, well that was an edict going into this episode, we needed this one particularly to be a bottle episode. Which for those who are unaware, that is when you spend as much as possible, if not the entire time shooting the episode, on your stage. We typically do it to save time, maybe save some money. Or you’re just gearing up for a bigger episode down the road. It can be a challenge, because on the one hand you’ve just got a lot of people stuck in a room. But the opportunity is really high for some longer stronger scenes and interactions between the characters. It becomes a bit more like a play than an epiosde of a TV show. CF: And when you’re a guest star coming in, your job as a supporting actor is to support the other actors. Now at this point in the season, 21 episodes in, Lucas is tired, Emily is tired, everyone’s just burnt. So I come in and I have to know my lines, and we ended up shooting all of my coverage for the epiosde in about an hour and a half at the tail end of one day. JB: Wow. CF: Anything in this direction [the camera facing towards William in the cave] we did in about an hour and a half, because we spent so much time the other way, with the thinny when it appears and all the other stuff that’s happening. There’s so much more movement there that took the lion’s share. And then turn around and hose down Colin. BM: That is unbelievable. Because that’s like ten pages of dialogue! CF: It was a lot BM: Oh my gosh.

BM: I can’t go any further without giving props to Steven Wright our costume designer - I love Emily’s coat. Emily has had exceptional coat game over the course of the series.

[As Audrey and Duke discover Hailie stuck in the fence] CF: Wow! That’s disgusting when you see it there BM: You know, that was somethign that we talked about for a long time. Number one, in the bottle episode way that we had to shape this, we knew that although we had all these outdoor scenes that we needed to keep them contained pretty much to one place. So that we could shoot as quickly as possible. But at the same time we had the season laid out and we knew the tent poles of the story that we had to hit. We knew by the end of this episode that Duke needed to kill her and take her Trouble, and it was going to be a big deal that he would be taking a Trouble now sort of willingly, to use it. And that was going to start him on a much darker path for the rest of the season. So we just needed to try and dramatise that as best as possible. And it just made sense, given how we had already set up Hailie’s mom dying in the same way - becuase all Troubles have a down side, and hers gave out on her at the exact time she needed it most, when she was passing through a fence. So we were watching a cut of that episode [about Barbara] and we figured the same thing should happen with Hailie. And it winds up telling a story about repeating what’s happened before. The sins of the father, destiny, all that stuff. CF: And a great performance by Tamara [as Hailie] too. That sort of squeal that she had there was not over done. It was gross. JB: She was great. And right from the beginning when she was cast in 5.15, as soon as they started seeing the dailies come in, we were all thinking that if there was a way to bring her back then we should, because she was really terrific. BM: Yes and she did not have an easy job on this one. She spent an entire day standing in this - I think painful - rig, with that fence going half into her. And she couldn’t move. CF: And the issue with that is you can’t go to the bathroom. Or, you can but it’s a time suck, you know if it takes 20 minutes to get out of the thing and 20 minutes to get back in again. BM: Yeah. But the fence was also sort of a practical thing, in that we needed her to be in a situation where she’s probably going to die, but where we could still talk to her. So she couldn’t be cut in half or something. So the fence was just kind of, logical really. And we had looked into some real life accidents where people have been impaled and this idea that the shock means you don’t really feel it, at least for a little while - and that was important because she needed to be able to have a conversation and not just be screaming in pain. JB: And also knife victims; leaving the knife in can prevent you from bleeding out. CF: By the way that fence was built by production, it was not an existing part of the location.

[Dave about to get hypnotised] BM: So this side of the story was probably the most important one. This was the other big tent pole that we knew coming into this was that this was going to be John [who plays Dave] Dunsworth’s last episode. John is fantastic, but we were losing him to another show already, and we had always intended that as we got towards the end game of the season that we would see some of our characters lose their lives. It just felt that with the stakes as high as they are, it wouldn’t really be realistic that everyone would make it through. So it just made sense given the story we were telling, that it would be Dave. But we had some problems because we knew that he was going to be tied up for the whole episode. Because it’s a bottle episode but also because last time we left him untied up he started killing people. So we needed our other characters to be smart enough to tie him up, but we also needed him to have a story that took him beyond just sitting there. So that’s where this whole ‘mind palace’ experience wound up coming from. And the same thing with what’s happening here [Vince and Dwight realising they’ve lost time]. We’d never really leaned into the lost time of it all, it happened on a couple of occasions, but knowing that we were going to dispatch with it this episode, we figured this should be one where we really kind of go crazy with some lost time stuff. I think it wound up really working well, because it gave Adam and Richard [as Dwight and Vince] a lot to play with. Again, as a bottle episode, just standing in the room.

CF: That wide shot of the cave is amazing; it makes the room look significantly bigger than it actually is. That first shot that started the scene. The room was not that big, it was probably only maybe 20 feet square. BM: Wow. You two were terrific in these scene. I wish we could have done more. But we knew we only had you for two episodes CF: Yes, I was contractually on other things before and after BM: Yeah, so we knew where we were going with Nathan and William throughout. We all really liked William, and sort of understood where he was coming from, in a good way. I think all good Bad Guys, you can kind of relate to how they wound up the way they did CF: And you guys did a great job of that, through and through, of making the reasons why he’s doing it real, and defensible. JB: The original title of this episode, I think, as “A Fool For Love” BM: That’s correct. I was like; I love that title, let’s use it - why do I love it so much? And then realised, it’s the title of an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Which I love that episode, it was the one that was all about Spike, also about their bad guy and getting to know what’s the matter with him. So if I’d had my way, we would have had more of Nathan and William in this cave. I think originally they were going to be stuck in there for a whole act CF: Oh wow BM: You were going to be running around, there was more stuff outside. A lot of that got pushed into about two minutes of episode 5.21

CF: I came up to Halifax for this with my girlfriend and my son, first time I’d gone on location with them. So when I come home at the end of the day I’m handed a baby to take care of. So for me, I had a ton of dialogue to learn JB: That’s a lot CF: Well you’re learning, your’e learning how to do it. It’s just a life thing that you deal with. BM: Well and you had just directed the previous episode a couple days before hand, right? How much time did you have off between directing and then having to sit in a cave for a day? CF: About ten hours. JB: Wow BM: Wow.

BM: It was a bit of a chllange this episode because we had three story lines, or four if you think about Dave in his own mind. And we’re just cutting between them all, they basically each get one scene and act, is how it winds up working out. And each one, they’re still in the same place they were before. So we had been really worried at the script stage, that it was maybe going to feel a little too static. But I’m happy to say that you guys killed it. CF: Well and watching it now, Tamara does such a good job of that kind of Faustian moment, of; I’m going to ignore the consequences/oh no here are the consequences. And it’s so hard to make that likeable, because if you do it badly the audience is just going to be going; Well you knew it was coming, you idiot. But she actually pulls it off JB: She’s amazing BM: Yeah, it was a little bit like what happened with Lisa Hawkins in 5.21. We had set up this, well Matt McGuinness had felt that in season four and some previous seasons, we had ignored the reality of the situation a little bit. So he had wanted where possible to really have people just react the way that you and I would. So we felt that this was another example of that, that Hailie’s going to be pretty pissed off about what’s happened to her. And that if Duke came to her and asked for help, she’s not going to be like; Yeah I’m going to be a hero and do the bigger thing. Real people don’t do that, she would instead probably be pretty mad at him and blame him for what’s happened to her.

JB: I love what they did here with this mind palace stuff. We talked about this a lot when we were conceiving these episodes. And it should be no surprise that Brian and I are Star Trek fans, and there was a DS9 episode right towards the end, it wasn’t a great one, it was called Extreme Measures, and it was O’Brian and Bashir’s last adventure, and they wind up in a sort of a mind palace. And I was reading some behind the scenes stuff that they wanted to treat the set differently and have psychedelic images on the walls and really make it different from - Oh we ran out of time and money so we just re-used these sets. They couldn’t do that there because they had to play on a whole thing of; Oh it might be reality, it might not. We didn’t have that, so that’s why you’ve got the tree and the bike and everything. CF: The tree is the best one because as soon as that goes up you’ve got the iconography of being some place else. JB: Exactly, and we really got to play with that. BM: I would like to be able to say that I got the idea from DS9, but I took it from a Stephen King book, Dreamcatcher, which they made into a movie with Damian Lewis and his character spends a good chunk of the film in his own head. It’s visualised as a sort of library, he’s running around looking for books trying to find the right bit of information. And so like so many things we’ve done in the show, we try to pull from other Stephen King books, or the Stephen King universe, and that was another way we were able to do. I’m kind of surprise that it worked and we were able to sell it through - it was kind of a dicey thing. I think Sherlock helped us a lot too. JB: And John Dunsworth is so good in those scenes BM: Yes, which were not easy because he was just there by himself. He had to spend a day just wandering around the Haven Herald alone, and then the next scene he’s talking to a disembodied voice on a radio. Because we couldn’t yet reveal that Croatoan is William Shatner. CF: And on the day when you’re shooting stuff like that it’s always the script supervisor, way off camera, shouting out the lines, and you have to react like it’s coming from … wherever. It’s always a bit of an exercise. BM: And to make it worse, it was his last day on the show. Five years of work, and the big send off for him is that he gets to work by himself. CF: I was there for the send off, it was a lovely lunch and it was quite emotional. And everyone came down from the office, it was quite a send off. BM: That’s great. He’s been fantastic. JB: I really liked John, he was one of the first actors I got to talk to on the phone (becuase I never went up to Canada) but he was one of the first people I dealt with when I started here and he was just telling jokes and being hilarious. Really sweet guy. BM: Yeah it speaks super highly of him that I was - well I still am a nobody, but I certainly was a nobody when I was doing my first episode back in season two. And I was walking home through the parking lot, everyone else had already gone home, and this car comes peeling out of nowhere and starts doing doughnuts around me. Then he slams his breaks on, rolls down his window - I thought I was going to die, but it was John Dunsworth asking me if I had dinner plans, and we went and had some food. He’s a great guy.

BM: So this was something else that we knew we’d have to do at some point in this episode - 5.21 was Audrey and Duke coming back together again, and this episode was going to have to be a bit of of the shit hitting the fan. And she has to ask him to do the thing that he left town for, and that he doesn’t want to have to do. And she’s right. JB: Yeah and on some level Duke knows that. Because it’s all about destiny and that’s the vision he saw, and he can’t escape it - the worst thing he ever had to do was kill becuase Audrey told him to, and now he has to do it again. BM: It was a tough one. We at this point knew where Duke’s story was going, which also made us sad, for Duke. So all of this episode for him, was just about dealing with inevitability that he’s just kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.

CF: I can’t believe that Duke and Audrey just left Hailie there on her own again to go and have another conversation BM: We got that note from the studio, and the way that we were able to get away with it, is that this episode takes place in real time. So she’s only there for about 42 minutes in total. Both of these episodes take place over the course of a couple hours; which is crazy when you think about it.

CF: You guys did a great job of making William’s appeals to Nathan logical. I find the biggest problem is when you get a scene where what you’re being asked to do, no one would do. Where there’s really thin logic that doesn’t really work and you’re supposed to pour your heart into it, but you’re just thinking; why would anyone do this? But with this I feel like I’m in the right. JB: Well it’s also not interesting otherwise. And Brian did such a good job with all that because, we do care for William. Even though he’s done these horrible things. And I think this episode is about him redeeming himself; in his own eyes as well as the audience’s. Because he’s been a fool for love, because he’s done things that he probably wouldn’t have done if he hadn’t felt so strongly for Mara. Who didn’t really care as much about him as he did for her. I think we’ve all been there. BM: I’ve been really attached to this idea that we ended up doing at the end of the episode, where Nathan’s wearing one of those rings around his neck, and we’ve spent a long time this season revealing what they were and what they could do for people like William and Mara. And I had really wanted to try to get to a place where Nathan could give one to Williiam. JB: Definitely. BM: That had been our goal - our stretch goal (if we can get there then great) - for the end of this episode. And there was a bit of push back, because Nathan had been wearing that ring around his neck since season two, and it had been his dad’s and Lucy’s and everything else. But I was just like; Nah, he should give it to William. But I think it wound up working, because it actually required William meeting him half way. JB: Yeah and he deserved it; he deserved to go home. I think that great line, I don’t remember exactly, but it’s like; You don’t deserve to die, I don’t know if they want you there, but you don’t deserve to stay here.

JB: In the cave scenes I also love the play on status, that Nathan is the one whose body is breaking down, he’s getting weaker and weaker, but William is the one pinned under the rock. So in theory William is at a disadvantage, but he’s just watching and he can wait it out if necessary. BM: Well that came out of necessity a bit, because originally they were both going to be in the cave but free, so they would fight for a bit and then get to a detente kind of a place. But enough people were like; That will never happen - they will fight until one of them dies. So it was like; OK, what about if one of them is trapped? So if William’s trapped, he’s smart, he’s a little Loki-ish, his biggest power is maybe his voice and he can break Nathan down that way.

[Vince with a gun pointed at Dave’s head] BM: Oh, so sad. JB: It is really sad, and this is what happens when a show goes on and you have to make big decisions, you don’t want to do it. I remember coming home and my wife was watching the show, the first half of the season, and she was saying; It’s getting dark - I don’t like where it’s going. And I couldn’t say anything, but in the back of my head I knew where it was going. But that’s the beauty of telling a story like this, is you get to have real consequences. You’ve got to make some sacrifices if the story is taking these dark turns. BM: I’m super happy that that voice mail bit with Dwight actually worked. It was an 11th hour save, because we were like; How are these guys ever going to figure out what the hell is going on? Because they keep having their memories wiped. I was like; Maybe Dwight gets a voice mail?? And everyone else was like; That’s a great idea! And I was; That’s a great idea???

BM: And we’re coming up on an Oprah Winfrey call back here [with Vince and Dave]. The first of many callbacks. This was just the idea that there’s some sort of untoward relationship or fascination with Oprah Winfrey that Vince and Dave both share. And that seemed like a good idea because we needed a litmus test to prove it was Dave, and a call back always works. JB: We never established what that was though, did we? BM: No. JB: We just know that it’s something between them. Duke knows about it too because he brings it up at the beginning of season four. BM: Exactly. You’d have to ask Gabrielle Stanton about that one. But it was the first of a few call backs that we tried to squeeze into this episode. Heavy shows up later on, and even Maddie Irons, we brought her back. We really start doing that a lot in this episode and the next few. We didn’t know whether this was going to be the end of the series or not, but regardless it was going to be a big season and we wanted to start looking back to the past a little bit. I think we varying degrees of success.

BM: So we knew that Dave was going to die at the end of the episode and that Croatoan was going to leave his body. But nobody wanted Dave to die in vain. We wanted him to have a hero moment. So we decided really early on, that he could do something to take away the lost time power that Croatoan has. Mostly because, as we tried to break what was happening in the following episodes, the fact that Croatoan could erase the memories at any point in time, made it completely impossible. So we realised we needed to get rid of that, and that gave us an opportunity to have Dave do something, which then beget the wall of clocks and his mission to go back into his mind palace here. But then again, if Dave *knew* he was going to die, that makes him less heroic, so we had to kind of do this whole dance were Dave was going to be spared. We had conversation after conversation for weeks about the levels of heroism - like, too heroic? not heroic enough? But you talk about all of that, and then it goes away when you watch John Dunsworth here because he is fantastic. And those two guys, their last two scenes together, all of those concerns just go by the way side.

CF: They got a sunny day for these scenes with Hailie, that’s great. There had been a lot of rain in the weeks before. JB: Yeah you wouldn’t really think this was shot shortly after the scenes with William and Nahtan in the woods. They got really lucky. BM: And we were just so lucky that Tamara was available to play Hailie. When we had here in 15 and 16 on that Duke side story, at that time we had not intended to bring her back. But we really liked her and found an opportunity, and now, I couldn’t imagine it any other way because Duke’s relationship with her in those episodes, that he started her Trouble and that he knew what happened with her mom - it all plays into what’s happening here. So it makes it so much better. And they were great. Unfortunately he has to kill her here - we talked for a long time about how to do it. There was this idea that he could snap her neck, but that felt kind of cruel, and so what we liked what this idea that he could kind of embrace her and pull her, so that he makes her injuries worse and that was what was kill her. But iti was the idea that he could hug her instead of some brutal thing. You know, he could have suffocated her or various things but that just felt too cruel. But they both sold it. JB: Beautifully directed moment too. BM: Yes. And unfortunately for Duke, and for Eric Balfour, he’s had to do a few really harrowing things like this to people over the course of the series. I think it’s because he started out the show as this kind of care-free, fun-loving guy, it just sort of makes sense with the nature of television that you start torturing people for season after season. But he does such a good job with it, that it was just only natural. He is as good at dealing with the dark things he’s had to do as any body.

CF: I’m happy that Emily’s walking better. I mean just standing there was an issue when we were shooting 5.20. BM: Even then you can see, we did start re-writing stuff so that she wouldn’t have to walk around as much. He can walk over to her, there just to be more running around in that story.

CF: By the way when you’re working with foam for days, everyone’s walking around on it, the ground gets completely crushed and pulverised into tiny little pieces, so its … your lungs aren’t happy by the end of it. Becuase it’s foam, it’s not meant to last more than a few days BM: That’s a great shot though. It looks great, worked out really well. CF: Yeah they do a great job as a crew, all the prep and getting the right lenses for that super wide angle - because it makes the scene to give it some scope.

[As Nathan takes a handful of aether] BM: So we always knew we were going to try and get to this point in the episode where Nathan was sort of forced to do waht William wanted him to do. And this moves them into a different tone of what’s going on between them.

JB: The controller crystal there, that was kind of modelled on the kryptonian crystals from the 1978 Superman movie CF: And that aether stains anything it touches. So we had to cover our hands with silicone barrier cream and just take it off immediately afterwards or it would stain permanently. BM: It’s funny there’s a bit of a vestige of previous versions of the script where your foot was stuck rather than your arm. So it was still in the script that William would cup the aether with both hands and then open them up again to reveal the balls spinning. And I realised after we shot it that was impractical now - but you did such a good job selling it. CF: Well we had a long discussion about how much pain I could show. Because if your arm is trapped by a boulder you’re going to be in pain, but if I leaned on that through a whole episode, that gets old. Because also Tamara would be doing something similar with Hailie’s story. So I sort of played that it was more numb, so that I could make the point of the scenes be the dialogue.

BM: For the longest time we didn’t have Heavy back, Robert Maillet, but he was such a good sport, he flew up just for the day. I think we got him on a break from The Strain. Really nice guy.

[William, about Duke and Mara; “I should kill you just for putting that image in my head”] *general agreement this is a great line* JB: We were talking about this section and wondering how William would react [to William learning about Mara using Duke] and I think all of us figured he’d be like; Yeah that sounds about right. As opposed to be upset or angry. CF: I did a few versions of that, some were more jokey but I can see why they didn’t get in because you can’t go too light there or the stakes go away BM: You guys really sold it. The idea of how Nathan gets through to William had always been, not that he would make some great argument and convince him, but that he would sort of challenge William, almost insult him so much that he finally got through to him. That felt the most realistic. CF: Well I take my hat off to you guys as the writers and Eric on the lighting, because when you’re reading a script thinking; Oh ok I’m trapped under fake boulders for an episode, … You’re thinking; This could be bad. But it doesn’t feel take.

[As Duke cuts his hand to let out the Trouble] JB: Can I just say, I’ve seen people do this on television a lot and it looks incredibly painful. CF: Yeah I cringe. If I had to cut myself, I wouldn’t use my palm. I’d use the back. JB: I’d be going for a pinprick, not dragging the knife right across my skind.

BM: So this is the place we wanted to get to where William is not a bad guy, not a good guy, somewhere in between. CF: Well and I like that you didn’t make him all of a sudden all like; *overly happy voice* Golly Gee, I’ve seen the light and I was wrong. You know he still has a bit of swagger where he’s just like; Get out of here JB: Yeah; Before I change my mind. Because I might. CF: Yeah. BM: It felt realistic for him. And in a strange way, I mean it’s a cliche, but him and Nathan wind up having more in common than perhaps either of them would care to admit. They are more similar characters. Nathan could have been William if the circumstances were different. JB: I love this too, this wasn’t quid-pro-quo, it was; “get out of here I’m letting you live” and then Nathan decides to hand over the ring. I really like that they don’t strike a bargain as such; it’s just two independent things that these characters decided to do for each other. CF: I like that moment, because I’m thinking William doesn’t get a lot of gifts. Birthdays, christmas, he’s not getting a lot of presents, so. BM: Yeah. And he’s spent a long time in the void.

BM: It’s funny William’s last words to Nathan there. We had always thought that he’d give us some clue that they could use in the next episodes. But then we shot the episode and coudln’t put the clue back in. He just gets a bit of advice - that it’s going to be bad - but it wasn’t really something we could call back to. Missed opportunity.

[Nathan; Where Hailie] JB: That very obliquely references the scene in 5.21 where Duke tells Nathan to talk to Charlotte, and Nathan says, I can’t, and Duke realises she’s dead. And now Nathan’s realising that Hailie is dead. BM: Wow. JB: You didn’t catch that the first time did you? BM: No. I wrote that, too.

[Vince saying goodbye to Dave] BM: So this was a scene we were looking forward to, in a sad dramatic kind of way. We knew that there needed to be a moment between these two. So we wanted Dwight to sign on to Dave’s plan early on, and then give Vince and Dave a moment, because this is their last scene together. And we just felt like we needed Dave to step up to the plate here. These guys have spent their entire lives protecting Haven and it’s secrets, and they’re in uncharted territory here but it’s like; Who are you really and what are you going to do? And we knew that Dave was going to step up in this episode and then Vince is going to do the same thing, pretty much, two episodes from now. It ends differently for Vince, but even going back to the pilot, these two had all of the secrets. And the idea had always been that eventually the show would catch up to them, and bring them along with it - like they would be swept up with it. CF: I love that idea that everything has a cost. That if you want to be the gatekeeper, or the holder of secrets, you’ve got to pay that bill at a certain point. JB: That’s a really sweet moment; Dave’s “Copy that big brother.” BM: Yeah I think we took that from some of the radio speak that Dave did in Roots, 2.05, when he was talking over the short wave radio. JB: That moment really gets me, where he smiles as he goes under BM: When I wrote this I originally imaged the exact same device as Men In Black, for some reason. But then we looked into it and it turns out that is what some people use for hypnosis, these little hand held strobing devices.

[Dave shouting at Croatoan] BM: John Dunsworth is great here. And again, it’s tough; he had to shoot all this by himself, just shouting at a disembodied voice. But you don’t even think about it, because that’s what John Dunsworth can do. JB: And you wouldn’t get many takes at this, either [Dave smashing up the clocks and the wall] BM: No. You can maybe tell, it might be a bit too obvious, but there’s a late addition to the scene here when Dave writes in his notebook, Because we needed everyone else to know that Croatoan’s plan is to go after Audrey, but there was really no way for them to know that. So we realised it was maybe one little last beat that Dave could do for them, something that he has figured out how to leave a message on himself. And that gave us a cool last beat of the episode. But it was literally added in I think a couple days before we started shooting. CF: John gave a really nice speech that day at lunch when he was retiring from the show. He was quite choked up about how much the show had meant to him. I think he said he didn’t appreciate this coming at this point in his life; having five years on a show and a huge extended family. BM: We got super lucky with both John and Richard. When we were casting the show we knew we were going to be shooting in Chester Nova Scotia, and we needed to cast Vince and Dave as pretty local guys. We didn’t want to have to be flying them in and out, we were hoping to find someone in the area. Those guys both lived a few miles away from where we were shooting, had both done tons of work, and they auditioned and got the job instantly. They were fantastic and everyone could not believe their luck. And they I think had only known each other a little bit, but had this incredible raport. John had lived right in the area forever; his family are like the Kennedy’s of Nova Scotia. CF: Oh yeah they’re everywhere BM: And Richard Donat built his house with his own hands out there in the woods, it’s remarkable, and has been there for decades. They’re both great guys, we were so lucky to have them.

[As Nathan Duke and Audrey discuss the controller crystol] BM: Thiis scene wound up being a bit more important than I think any of us really thought that it would. I thought it was just be funny if they talked about the fact they had no idea how to use this thing they just spent the last two episodes getting, and now they have no idea what to do with it JB: Yeah I think in an earlier draft it was more comedic BM: But this is the last time these three are really together again on the show. And certainly in slightly nicer circumstances. So it really wound up being about them appreciating that. The Three Musketeers together again. So it actually wound up being really moving. And coming right on the heels of what just happened with Dave; it’s pretty sad.

CF: And by the way just so you know, those aren’t the colours of real life. That house is not that yellow. The jeep is not quite that blue. Everything’s racheted up a little bit. I mean just a little; 10, 15%. I guess they were making the fall colours really punch because we’ve never really been in the fall before.

[Croatoan talking to Vince and Dwight via Dave’s body] BM: So this had been part of the plan from way back when; we knew that we would have Croatoan in Haven for the last four episodes of the season, so we knew that the end of this episode would have Croatoan pouring out of Dave. And there was a lot of talk about what that would look like. There were some people pushing for Dave’s body to explode, but that just felt cruel. So I’m so happy that he’s pouring out as this mist. And this made it a bit spookier because the next episode is about what is Croatoan? Because they don’t really know and i’ts not until the end of the next episode that we see that he now looks a lot like William Shatner. And here’s the note [on Dave’s arm] we were talking about that this wasn’t originally in here, and we added it really late. But I’m really happy that we did.

#haven syfy #haven dvd commentaries #5.22 - A Matter of Time

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blazingpheonixo · 3 years

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okay, so were getting personal here,

This March will be coming up to my Dad's 3 year deathaversary. It wasnt expected, he was only 38. He drowned, and his death is acually still under investigation. That's probably the first close death i had. Anyway, it caused a lot of problems in my family. Including my mum moving her and my sister an hour and a half away from me. That and i dont hear from dads side of the family anymore. so thats super shit. When this happened i Also lost my best friend at the time Georgia. She went off at my boyfriend Kenedy because he didnt want to come to the funeral and caused some issues. anyways I forgot to mention when he died i was in rockhampton. which was even more shit. but anyway, when i came back. I didnt hear from my best friend at all, i went to the funeral. still hadnt heard from her. She full went off at my partner cause he didnt wanna come to the funeral but yeah a week had past since coming back and she knew i was back. Sent her a message and said hey whats going on, you went off at him made a big deal but i havent heard from you. and pretty much she responded with telling me that i was a shit friend and It was mean to message her like that and then she blocked me on everything. So yeah I lost my father and my best friend in the same week. I still dont know wtf happened which just comes up in my brain a lot.

And then theres my ex, Kenedy. I think i said already that we were together for nearly 6 years. We broke up over a stupid photo at the end of July so its been 4 months. For starters we were engaged and we were about to start trying for a kid. But it was such a toxic and unhealthy relationship dude. Like fuck.. We used to get into fights and ill just be straight up, it got physical. Id end up covered in bruised and cuts and it was pretty bad tbh. Holes in walls. Broken bits. I never ended up in hospital because of it but like it was still pretty bad. This probably only happened the last two years of the relationship. I grew up watching my mum be abused, i know that it isn't the norm and what ever but i guess i was kind of use to it in a way? so i think thats why i put up with it? idk. That or my mental issues lol. But yeah so, I'm still kind of getting past that bit, I have photos that come up in my memories which trigger me and sometimes I get panic attacks randomly. Its shit. It wasn's always physical.

Then we come to my ex best friend, Rhianne. I literally grew up with her, but we never used to be friends, we just went all through school together. She also used to be my bully in kinder and prep LOL.

Anyway, we started being friends when i first moved into this place so maybe a year and a half? shes toxic to haha. We had a good friendship at the start but the more i hung out with her the more i began to feel like shit about myself. I don't have friends. She was pretty much all i had. So i kind of let a lot of stuff slide and i never really stood up for myself. and i mean a lot of things i let slide. She got really obsessive towards me. I honestly think she is infatuated with me. She would rock up here pretty much daily and use me for my stuff and makeup and clothes and then wed go for drives and stuff. idk we used to do everything together. Not because i wanted to either. Pretty much what she said was the go. She would talk down to me as if i was a child. Im the kind of person as well that i like my alone time, i dont like going out all the time i like to sit in and enjoy my own company, I dont like hanging out EVERYDAY with someone. She use to talk shit about me behind my back as well. just cause so much drama and eh. But she was so fkn obsessive. Then when kenedy and i broke up, her friend was having there birthday at the clubhouse, so thats house i was introduced to the club. She took me a long and told me to take someone home to help myself feel better about the breakup. SO anyway, Shaun was there and we were getting to know each other.

She caused a big scene and didnt want me to take him home. I think it was jealousy. Got to the point were she had me in tears.

I then for some weird reason logged into my exes account, I found messages telling people how much he hates me and wants me to kill myself and wants to fuck Rhianne. Then i showed her all of this. She was grossed out and deleted him. We then had a small fight because i stood up for myself one night. Why we wernt talking she went out clubbing and Kenedy was out. So she party'd with my ex as well as invited him and had him come back to her dads place. Nothing happened to my knowledge but I mean, Im sure they fucked.

Anyway, (I have depression and anxiety. When kenedy and i broke up, i didnt handle it well, I started self harming and it was getting pretty bad) I took shaun home from the clubhouse that night and pretty much his been here ever since, so 3 months we've been together now. I’m not sure if I love him or not. I don’t know because my brain is scattered at the moment. Because of everything hoing on. His a lovely guy, but his not for me. But the way my brain works and how im coping with all these things, i just can't be alone dude. I literally get so depressed and its scary because i don't want to give myself the chance because when im alone like i am tonight. All of this just goes through my brain and i get so fucked up, i don't even know if you wanna hear about self harm and abuse. but it happens. TBH im probably going to end up hurting myself tonight. I wasnt joking to you when i said i wanted to drive my car into a truck. i literally feel like that.

So what actually made Rhianne and i stop being friends. Her, Shaun and myself were drinking at her friends. Shaun has epilepsy and actually had a seizure in front of me the previous day, Rhianne got into him and told him it was his fault and that i should never have had to of seen that. I didnt go off at her, HER friend kicked her out and told her sleep in her car. Since then she has tried to constantly break us up.

On top of that, im in a lot of debt. and it got to the point were i actually made a Onlyfans account and it actually helped. I feel gross about it but it was private no one i knew in real life had access. OR SO I THOUGHT. i used tumblr to get my subscribers, didnt realise my ex Kenedy had access. He sent screenshots to Rhianne and she sent them to pretty much everyone i know. Ive lost a few friends becuase of it. and well yeah it was degrading. She then apologised and i forgave her for like a whole 6 hours. Until i really thought about it. Just cause we were in a small argument i wouldnt do that to her you know or anyone. so i told her that. and shes been super nasty since.

She is also still talking with my ex.

So yeah, I also might have breast cancer 😣

These are most the reasons I want to die.

#depression #depressed #life #anxiety #anxious #help #suicidal #abuse #ex #friends #heartbreak #broken #lost #help me

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carcino-g3n3ticist · 3 years

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Things i wish i could say

1. To J. We are never becoming friends again. I am never voluntarily talking to you, or anyone from that part of the family again. You may thing our grandma is great, but you dont know the half of what shes done, because youre the favourite grandkid. You have no clue how transphobic she was to my sibling before you were out. I bet you dont even know that when my sister was in the mental ward, that our grandma went in there to cry to her. I do not consider you family. I do not consider my 'grandma' family.

2. To J again. You chose B again. Even after what had happened, and how much you proclamed you hated about them. I want you to know, that i never told them anything from what you said about them, and what C said about them. Im fine with taking the fall from what i said, but you need to take the fall for what you said. Every single word you said while we were playing minecraft. Also, i killed the piglings, Jimmy and Jimmys boyfriend, and i replaced everything you build in minecraft. Its all gone.

3. To B. I wont ever tell you what other people said about you, and i wish they had the same respect with me. You have the right to badmouth me, i get it, you didnt get the full story and i highly doubt J or C will ever tell you the full story. I just wish i told you taht the only reason i badmouthed you to begin eith, is because J wanted someone to talk to. And ill be real, he started to badmouth you a couple months beforenyou broke up. But i will be real, youre a typical teenager, with all the moodswings, and the way you act like youre a main character. From one person to another, get over yourself, you act like youre the most important person in the world. You told me to not look at you when i deadass was just looking around me, i didnt even realise you were there

4. To J and C. Tell B what you said.

5. To C. I know you knew exactly what i meant. I explained it clearly. I ranted to you about J and B because you were the only other person who knew of the situation. I ranted to you becuase i didnt want J and B to know. The fact you told them was dissrispectfal at the least and a direct harm to my character at the most

6. To J, B and C. When i left that should of been the end of the drama with me. I could sense that if i stayed in the friend group, shit would have happened. I want you all to know that every time you tried to talk to me after that, you guys were the ones perpetuating the drama, you all started conversations with me. Despite how much i rant about it on Tumblr (i only rant about it bc it pops into my head at night, i get stuff off of my chest, then i dont think about it untill i make another post), im over it. Online, it looks like im still mad about it bc i fuckin rant on here, this is what the account is for, ranting about shit at 1 am.

And after this, i wanna add. If you guys try and perpetuate the drama, im gonna screenshot/record/document EVERYTHING.

#long post #j #ofg

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littledonkeyburrito · 7 years

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I was actually encouraged to keep doing these. Probably by someone who wants to steal my identity

If someone looked on your bed, what would they find? Phone charger and my blue rabbit teddy that I sleep with

Are you nice to everyone? Usually

Is it possible to be single and happy? Yes

Is it easy for people to make you cry? No

Did you sleep alone last night? Just me and my blue rabbit teddy.

Do you play with dead bugs? Wtf no

Honestly, are you dating two people? I’m not dating any people

Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? Nah

Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone other than family? Of course I have

What if you had a baby with the person you like? Well then that would be his second surprise kid

Are you happy? I am fine

Have you ever tripped in public? Who hasn’t?

Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? Yeah, there’s one guy that’s pretty mad at me at the moment and tbh I think half the reason is because I didn’t want to have sex with him the last time we hung out.

Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? No

What’s a fact about the last person that texted you? They might just steal this survey off me haha

Has anyone called you perfect before? I don’t think so..?

Where is the biggest scar on your body? I don’t really have any big scars but the most prominent one is on my forehead

Have you ever been told you were amazing? Yeah. The phrase “last night was amazing, you move like an angel” comes to mind

If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? No, I don’t think so

What pissed you off today? Nothing

What was the last thing you cried about? I have no idea. I don’t know when that was

Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? A few, yeah

Who sits next to you in English? I don’t go to school, and when I did, we didn’t have assigned seating.

Ever talked to someone who was drunk? Often

How late did you stay up last night and why? I went to bed at like 1am but didn’t get to sleep until about 4 becuase I’d had too much caffeine

Do you know how to properly use grammar in a sentence? In english, yes. En español, a veces.

Are your parents very protective of you? They definitely were convinced that I was going to get kidnapped in Colombia. Dad literally told me that he didn’t have the kind of money to pay off a ransom so I just straight up was not allowed to get taken

How many drugs are in your system? Depends on how far back the drug test records. I mean, it’s either going to be zero or one.

Is it easy to pretend everything’s okay for you? Yes. But that’s because I have a pretty easy life. I’m lucky.

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone? No. I probably will never see that person again anyway

Do you think you are a good person? I definitely used to be pretty good. I don’t think I’m a bad person now but I’m no saint.

Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? Yeah

Could you last in a relationship for over a year? Probably

Who were you with on your birthday? Me and a friend visiting from Australia

Have you ever crawled through a window? I have. In grade 5 at school we all got locked out of our classroom but we managed to get one of the windows open. I was the smallest in the class so I got lifted up to the window and had to crawl through into the classroom and go around and unlock the door. Also one time in highschool the (mini)bus door was broken and wouldn’t open so we all had to climb out the window at our stop. That was pretty fucking funny watching tall lanky 17 year old dudes attempt to crawl through a window. It was not particularly graceful.

First person to talk to you in 2014? Probably the people I was with that new years eve. So, most likely it was @aturinfortheworse

Do you miss your past? No, but there are certain parts (mostly travel stuff) that I wouldn’t mind reliving

It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? Anyone who wouldn’t realise it was 4am in Spain probably doesn’t have my spanish phone number

Do you have anything interesting planned for the next week? No

Who was the last person to text you? Do you know when that person’s birthday is? Last message was from Anna. Sorry bro, no idea when your birthday is

What were you doing 4 hours ago? Sleeping

Is there a certain song that you can’t stop listening to atm? No

Tell me 3 things that your friends don’t know about you. Oh god but my friends know so much. Hmm, let me think. 1) My earliest memory is of rolling down the grassy hill while waiting with my mum for my older brother to be let out of preschool 2) For some reason, most of my early memories are from a birdseye view 3) There is currently a helicopter flying overhead and it is quite loud. It’s probably the police helicopter. It usually is.

What is something that people often give to you as a gift? There are not many people who give me gifts so it’s difficult for a pattern to emerge. I’m not really huge on giving/receiving gifts tbh. Well, spontaneous gifts are cool but I don’t like the pressure of birthdays/christmas.

Do you tend to hold on to a lot of stuff you don’t need, just because it has sentimental value? I used to until I decided I was going to move overseas. Then I got rid of almost everything I owned - and I had to be brutal about it - until everything could fit into 2 suitcases and it was surprisingly a massive relief.

What is something that reminds you of your ex? That facebook just told me we became fb friends a year ago today

Has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms? No, I don’t think we know each other THAT well

Which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate? Chocolate

When did you last take a shower/bath? Do you wash your hair every time? A couple of hours ago. Yes, I usually do wash my hair

Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? Yeah I’d like to be travelling

Do any of your followers on Tumblr have your phone number? I don’t think any of them have my current number

Will you be going out tonight, or staying in? Staying in.

How many times have you been in love? Never

If you were heartbroken, who would help you pick up the pieces? I would put that burden on Maggie and a couple of other friends

How would you feel about dating someone who had a reputation for being a player in the past? Do you think that players will ALWAYS be players, or is it possible that they can change? I’m not exactly huge on relationships anyway so I’d be fine just having a casual thing with them. Of course people change. Like, you couldn’t judge a 60 year old based on what they did when they were 20

Did you sleep well last night? Yeah not bad, except I slept the last couple of hours with my wrist in a bad position so I woke up with it pretty sore and my hand numb

Is your bedroom big enough for you? Sure is. And my bed is freaking massive. It’s literally WIDER than i am tall

Are you looking forward to seeing someone soon? There are people I’d like to see but there are no current plans to see any of them

Ever had a one-night stand? There’s people I’ve slept with once but I’ve always known them beforehand. I’ve never gone home with a stranger from a club

Is anyone flirting with you? No

Have you ever felt pressure to do anything you didn’t want to, like smoking, drinking, or losing your virginity, before you were ready for it? If so, how did you deal with that? No I don’t think so

Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Why/why not? I’m not dumb. I used to think of myself as really smart when I was in school because I got good grades but now I just consider myself average. That’s why I was surprised when Panama guy called me smart. Like, I didn’t think I’d done or said anything around him that would show that I’m smart, but he’s said it a few times.

Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? Any of my friends I guess

Is there anyone you’d HATE to be stuck in a lift with? Pretty much any stranger

Have you ever seen your father cry? My dad doesn’t cry but I have seen him very upset

How would your parents react if you got pregnant? I think there’s be some stern lectures about safe sex, but ultimately they’d be supportive of whatever my decision was (probs abortion)

Do you/did you keep to your school’s uniform/dress code? Yep

If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? Yeah I think I would actually

What was the highlight of your summer? Spending a week in Andorra

The last time you threw up, was it because you were hungover? I don’t remember when that was but I was probably drunk, not hungover

Who was the last person that invited you to their house? A couple of people from work

Have your parents ever told you about any alternative names they considered for you, or the name they would have chosen, if you’d turned out to be a boy? Mum wanted to call me Francis Alexandra so that I’d be Frankie Alex and honestly that would’ve suited me so well. If I was a boy she wanted me to be Luke or Max. Don’t know about dad but he flat out refused any names mentioned in the bible (nevermind that my brother’s name is Samuel)

Are you friends with any of your exes? I’m not on bad terms with them but we’re not friends

Have you ever had to make an emergency phone call? No

If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? I am single, I am not looking but if something comes up I wouldn’t knock it back.

What language do you like the sound of? Spanish obvs

Think about the last guy, outside of family, that you had a conversation with. Do you find him sexy? Face to face conversation, it was my neighbours and actually yeah they’re both pretty cute. Message conversation, he’s cool and idk I guess kinda cute but not really my type.

What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct? They would probably assume that I am a 23 year old australian living in spain, because that’s what it says.

What’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like? He’s tall and has nice arms

Do you consider yourself to be a strong person? Why/why not? Physically, I used to be pretty strong but not so much since I stopped doing karate like 5 years ago

Tell me about a special moment you’ve had with the person you love/like. The last day we spent together and were no longer around the tour group so didn’t have to hide it anymore. That was nice.

Do you have any relationship with the state of California? Aside from speaking some spanish, no.

What’s something about other people that drives you crazy? When tourists walk too slow and block up the entire pathway and then just stop without warning to take a photo of a building.

What are you doing? This.

What are you wearing? Leggings and a long sleeve shirt

Baseball is the best sport hands down…right? I ..do not give a fuck

Do you like chocolate? I do

Like the movie Elf? I cannot stand Will Ferrel

Ok let’s talk travel, do you like to travel? I sure fucking do

Where have you been? Since I started travelling as an adult, I’ve been to a few places in Australia, Japan, China, Hong Kong, India, several places in Spain, Andorra, Morocco, Panama, Costa Rica, Colombia.

Next place you want to go? I’m trying to find a time to visit a friend in Germany. I want to go to more places in europe when I have an actual income. I would also like to do more travel in latin america. I’d love to spend a few months travelling from Mexico to Argentina.

If you’re quiet what does it mean? Could be one of several things

Something that makes you smile? The tv shows I watch

Do you mind watching chick flicks? I used to freaking love romcoms but I’m finding that the older I get and the more I date that they are just so over the top and inaccurate. I mean, I’m still a sucker for them but I now have a higher standard for them.

When’s your birthday? June

If you need a hug at 3 in the morning, who do you ask? Nobody

Do you mind if people just show up at your house unannounced? If it’s a friend, no I don’t mind.

Do you enjoy rain? Yes

Are you one of those people who are always tripping over things? Not really, no.

Would you ever consider taking evening classes in anything? When I have money I want to take more spanish classes.

Do you like Sushi? I love sushi. A big shock recently has been that sushi is a very expensive thing everywhere other than Japan and Australia. In Aus it’s literally one of the cheapest takeaway foods you can get, and even having it in a restaurant is not super pricey.

Have any of your friends gotten engaged recently? Yes, the couple who used to be my flatmates got engaged about 2 months ago.

Would you ever drop everything and go traveling for several months? Of course

How many bedrooms are there in your house? One, although technically it’s a studio since there’s no actual door to the bedroom.

Have you ever built a sandcastle? As a child

Do you use an instant messenger? If so, what is it? Facebook messenger and Whatsapp

Do you watch reba? What is that?

How many more days til your school is out? I have not gone to school in a long time.

Do you drink a lot of soda? Some, but not a lot. Since I moved here I drink more water, juice and milk.

How do you look right now? How I always look I guess

Were you taken last year on Valentine’s Day? I was casually seeing a guy but we weren’t together

Do you remember who you were interested in around this time last year? Yeah. Last year I went on a first date with a guy on halloween. He was the ripped one.

Would you rather date someone you think is cute, or someone who you think is hot? Both, I guess?

Do you go to school currently? No

Did you make a best friend in high school? Yes

You’re currently listening to? Dude yelling on the street

Who are you expecting a call from? Nobody

When will your next kiss take place? Not a clue

Are you afraid of roller coasters? No, but I love roller coasters. I’m considering going to Paris disneyland at some point.

What were you doing at 7:00 AM? Definitely sleeping

Can you keep a secret? I can

Do Italian/French/Spanish accents turn you on? Italian not so much. French idk not really. Accents from spanish speaking countries depends on the person and what they’re saying.

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? No

Did you speak to your mother today? No

What’s your favorite coffee shop?: I don’t drink coffee

Have you ever taken a bath with someone?: As a small child

What’s your grandma’s name?: Margaret

Where is your biological father right now?: Probably at home sleeping

Do you have any freckles?: Yep

Do you like orange juice?: Yes. Oh man if you ever go to Morocco, drink as much fresh orange juice as you can it’s so damn good there.

Did you watch the Cosby Show when you were younger?: No

Have you ever dated someone as a rebound from your old relationship? No

Which of your exes is the best looking? The ripped one

What would you do if your ex broke down and told you he loved you? I would be surprised and would not know how to react

Does rebounding really help at all? I don’t know

Where did your last ex ask you out? I guess via message. Met him on tinder so...

Have you ever seen somebody get arrested? I don’t think so

Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Yes. Mum knew when I was and obvs she was cool with it. Dad might make some culturally insensitive jokes that he doesn’t realise aren’t funny, but he wouldn’t actually have a problem so long as I’m happy.

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meandmyscatteredbrain-blog · 7 years

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Death Note - The Netflix Orignal - Thoughts and Opinions (SPOILERS)

I thought that the new film was very very different to the Anime. Most noticably it had a very different plot along with less of the orignal characters. I think it is more of a retelling than a remake which for me I like becuase I don’t want to watch the same thing twice.

I think that Light’s character was protrayed well however it did lack the physcopathic traits I’d grown to love. At the end, realised it was a mistake to ever write names in the notebook but in the anime series he couldn’t see he was doing wrong and becoming the bad guy which gave more depth to the story. I also don’t like the way he actually loved Misa. In the anime, he used her for his own gain once again like a physcopath however he didn’t. I also think he was too trusting of Misa straight away. He should’ve have tested her to see how loyal she really was. I also think that Misa, in the anime, only liked light because he killed the man who had killed her parents. This is never touched upon in the film and he never did kill them nor is there any sign of a tragic back story for Misa. I believe if she had a sad backstory it would’ve given her a reason to want to right all the wrongs in this world. Depsite that though, Light had a cool backstory. His mother had died in a car crash and the ‘killer’ got away by it because of money. This gave Light a reason to want to right the wrongs in this world which I thought gave more depth to the character and story. As far as apearences go, Light had blonde hair and he most of the time was wearing a hoody with the hood up. Although I liked the orignal sleekness of his hair, I do like his outifit change to a more typical teenage emo. It’s a helpful reminder that he is just a kid, I think it is a key point that you remember this is coming from a undeveloped teenage mind rather than an expericened adult. I think it’s a huge point in the anime.

Misa a.k.a Mia has changed quite a bit and there’s quite a bit to talk about. The first thing I noticed is that she is quite dominating whereas the anime version would just follow what Light said blindly. She takes quite a lot of control towards the end when she writes Light’s name in the death note which I thought was shocking and a little strange however it’s nice to see a change in the way that the women are protrayed in the show. I’m not a feminst but I did like the strong female character even though she dies at the very end but it is all conclued and works very nicely. I don’t like the way that she doesn’t any backstory or reason for suddenly wanting to chaneg the world. I like to have depth in charcters and even just a sentence explaing why she wanted to kill all the criminals in the world would’ve helped with that. In the anime, she wants to help Kira becuase of her parents being killed. I also don’t like the fact that she took matters in to her own hands without telling Light. I know I said I liked the fact that she was strong but I think she can be strong but I still think she’d run every descion by Light whether he agreed or not. I also don’t like the fact that she seems to have lost the mental illness she had in the anime. She has symtomps of ADHD, also know as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, which gave her more depth and unresponsibilty but she never showed any signs of this in the film. Regarding aprearance, Misa had dropped the short skirts and high stockings and gone for a more teenage look which I don’t like just for the fact that she is meant to use her looks to get things for light and she does in the anime. Despite this I do like the fact that the characters look like teenagers but I still stand by her using her looks becuase that is another way of Light using her.

L is very very different, most possibly the least like his orignal character. I’m not racist however I would’ve prefered L to be white due to the fact that in my mind he is meant to be sickly and pale due to him not getting the right nutrion. However I do like the new aproach to his character who shows more feelings than the orginal L who showed no empathy or feelings. This in a way kind of ruined the character because when he showed he truly did care underneath the cold exterior it made him more lovable. On the other hand, I like the fact, in the movie, he seems like a lost puppy. When Watari dies, it shows how truly alone L is. In the anime, he dies almost immediatley after Watari so we never get to see him alone so this is a new perspective on the viewers part. I liked that aspect on it. I also liked the new and rash L when he goes after Light with a gun. We finnally saw him crack after he has lost Watari. It shows how insanse he probably really is which I definetly liked about him. Adressing his apreance, I liked the new black turtles neck and outfit, it allowed him to make apreances in public as L and not an alias. I liked his general physique, he wasn’t quite slouched but he wasn’t quite straight.

Ryuk was definetly different. He was seen as creept which is true when you first meet him in the anime however after a little while of seeing him he becomes this funny character who just floats there and makes funny comments throughout. Alteranitvely, in the film, he was seen as scary and creepy like a horror film character which he never was. I didn’t like this one bit however I got used to it since he wasn;t even in it that much. The CGI was very good for the budget had I think this is why Ryuk didn’t get much screen time. I wish he was in it more and I wish he had been the comical character he had become in the anime.

Other characters I have to adress are, James Turner also know as Chief Yagami and Watari. I liked how James Turner finally worked out that Light was Kira. It gave him respect which he didn’t have in the anime because he could admit his son was Kira without having to die first. I think he worked well with the story too, slotting in nicely. He wasn’t as important as he was in the anime due to him only playing the role as a father and briefly as a cop. Rather in the anime, he defineltly played a huge role as cheif and a father of not just Light by Sayu too. As for Watari, I don’t like the way he died. Once again Misa was responsible. However a lot of the story was pushed due to this. I also think he would’ve been more hidden than he was and not as easy to control. However in the film we were able to see how much Watari meant to L which we hadn’t seen in the anime.

I missed some characters however in the film, they include: Rem, Teru Mikami, the task force and Namoni Misora. I really liked these characters but they weren’t included due to budget or screen time.

As to the plot, I liked some parts however I did not like the begenning. I don’t like the way that Ryuk told Light everything. In the anime Light had to find it out for himself which added more of a shock factor on it. I also don’t think Light should’ve killed his classmate, I thought it was silly and the real Kira wouldn’t kill anybody. I know at the point he wasn’t quite developed but he still had those ides prior to him getting the death note. I also don’t like the fact that Light just trusted Misa straight away even though the day before she had just ratted him out. He didn’t test her or anything. I also think their relationship was rushed and felt like something was missing and a little careless. One line in particiular got me very annyoed it went something like this “Let’s make some popcorn and write down some names to put in the notebook”. The Light from the anime would never let that happen. Misa however would be begging. It didn’t feel quite right to me.

The ending was not what I was expecting at all. I like the fact that Misa died since I think that shows you how much Light is willing to sacrifice however L may have used the deathnote which didn’t make sense to me. He would never had done it. I think though that they were trying to convey that L was not the good guy nor the bad guy. He is lawful neutral. Still I don’t think he would use the deathnote unless for an experiment like in the anime. He even says himself “I do not kill criminals, I bring them to justice.” But we are left in the dark which is opening up to a possible sequel and I’ll look forward to see where it goes.

#deathnote #deathnotefilm #netflix #review #movie review #deathnote film #netflix original #light #misa amane #l #ryuk #deathnoteanime #deathnote anime #anime #anime review #anime vs movie #deathnote2017

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cami1822 · 7 years

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The 4am shift was always Jays favourite shift at tastebuds, the cute cafe that none of the so called ‘cool’ people went to when there was a Starbucks. It was a open and airy cafe, with floor to ceiling windows at the front of the building, and worn, wood panels on the rest of the walls. Fairy lights were strung along one wall and pictures were tangled in the string lights, just pictures of frequent costomers and the cafe throughout its years. Retro lightbulbs hung from the ceiling, scattered throughout the rest of the cafe. The chalk boards behind the counter were brand new because the others had gotten used so frequently that the dust had become one with the boards. Jay always had loved the cafe ever since she came here as a kid with her grandma for afternoon tea. She loved the squashy arm chairs and the dark wooden tables. She loved the small, vertical garden near the entrance, and eating the mint leaves off of it. She loved that it could be airy in the summer and cozy in the winter without anything changing. Jay loved the oversized chipped mugs and the extra nutmeg that she always found in her coffee. Now, at 17 she could finally work here. Her favourite spot was in the corner by the window, with the vertical garden behind her and the window beside her, so she could see everything and the plants tickled the back of her neck. Beside the garden was a bookshelf. it wasn’t that big, but big enough that it took her a year and a half to finally get though. Jay was behind the counter, adding ‘hot chocolate’ in stick like writing to the chalkboard since the weather had reached its mid point in autumn when she stepped back and knocked a mug off of the edge of the sink. She swatted at it in mid air twice until it finally slipped from her clumsy grasp and hit the birch floor with a ‘plonk’, thankfully not smashing. She groaned in relief, and clasped its handle with her pinkie, scooping it up and into the sink. No one was in the cafe ever at 4am and thats why she liked it the most. She could sit in her corner with a good book, and a free coffee, and she got paid for it. Usually it was quiet like that until 6 to 6:30, when the first early risers trudged in, folding their collars back down and whisking off toques. Jay also loved to watch the sunrise, she loved to watch it set the cafe of fire like everything was glowing a soft golden. The sunrise was always perfect because the the cafe windows faced directly towards it, and the small brick cones across the street were short so it didnt block the sun. At this time in the year the sun rose at around 5:45 which gave Jay lots of time for her to read in her favourite light setting. She never flicked on the main lights until 6, instead turning on the fairy lights and basking in the soft glow of them with a book and blanket. ‘This stuff sounds stupid’. Jay always thought to her self whenever she did this, or dwelled upon the fact that she count be more content in the moments she spent in the cafe at that time. But Jay always felt like the cafe was her own little palace. She felt like the cafe was a book, and every time she was in it, she was rereading it and finding tiny bits of information she had missed before, and rereading her favourite parts. No one could read the book like she could, maybe because sometimes she felt like she wrote it. Jay had hopped onto the counter and was obsorbed in a new book she had just gotten when she heard the heavy door being pushed open, a the dented christmas bell tinkle. Jay spun around, a little too fast, loosing her balance and almost falling off of the counter. Once she had composed herself again she looked up to see a tall lanky guy with chattering teeth and big black frammed classes sliding down a thin nose. His hands were deep in his pockets and he was trying to smile sheepishly thought his noisy teeth. I raised my eyebrows, and nodded to the chalk board. “I just added hot chocolate to the menu, want some?” She asked. He nodded and bit his lip to stop the chattering. “More like need some, thanks.” Jay slipped off the counter and started to make the hot coco. “So, why are you here at 4 in the morning?” She asked, heating up milk. “same reason you are.” He seated himself in Jays corner after a carful selection, and jay didnt know weather to be proud of irritated. “To make money?” Jay smiled. He studdied her for a minute before replying. “Well no, im here to, to be _here.” _Jay raised her eyebrows again and started to shake to can of whipped cream. “Obviously, someone our age would not work to 4am shift here unless they really wanted to.” Thats when Jay realized that he was around the same age as her, and also not wearing any jackted but a too big worn out hoodie. “And how do you know I wasn’t a fill in for someone else?” I asked him another question. “Because if you were you wouldn’t have asked me why I was here genuinely unless you were checking me out, which you weren't.” Jay could tell she had an amused look on her face and the guy smiled at her when she sat the steamy mug down in front of him. “Whats you're-” “Sawyer” He cut me off with a grin (the chattering had stopped) “I swear im not this cocky all the time.” I laughed slightly and sat down in the chair across from him. “Nah I can tell, your a real teddy bear inside aren't you sawyer.” Sawyer grimaced slightly, scrunching up his nose. “I wouldnt go that far.” “awe you just proved it.” Jay bit her lip and watched as he shook tiny water droplets out of his dark hair. “You're not the only one who can read people.” She smiled as he tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “So give me a reason why you're here, of why you want to be here.” Sawyer licked his lips and curled his fingers around the mug taking a sip. “Wow this is good! what did you put in it? Was it-” “Nutmeg.” she finished. “It tastes like Christmas.” He beamed down at the drink. Jay laughed and shook her head slightly. “Thats the point. You still haven't given me a reason.” “Why can't a guy just go to a nice cafe without getting questioned about it?” He asked taking another sip and peering at Jay over the brim of his mug. “because you're right, no one our age wants to be up at this time at night, unless theyre at a party.” He sighed into his hot coco, sending rippled across the surface. “You are not going to give up on this are you.” Jay shook her head slightly and looked down at her lap surprised to see that she had brought her book over without even realising it. She traced the new spine with her index finger waiting for Sawyer to say something. She had started to space out when sawyer gasped. “What?” Jays voice was slightly scratchy because of the lack of use and alarmed tone. “That. Is my favourite book.” He was looking at it hungrily, with his lip between his teeth and hands tight around his mug. “Jules Vern hey?” Jay asked thankful that he appreciated it. “Journey to the centre of the earth. Its genius. I love it.” He grinned up at jay half of his face in the shadows becuase of the fairy lights. He looked like a mad man. “Just got it yesterday for the shelf.” Jay pointed over to the bookshelf and sawyer got up, still sipping on his drink to look at it. “You like reading?” Sawyer asked, running his hands along the spines of the books. “I love it. Mostly just fantasy and sci-fi, but I like a good horror book to.” “Huh. It sucks, books are going out of fashion, and people just don't like them anymore when you can watch tv.” “I know, barely any of my friends read and whenever I pull out a book they dont seem to get it. They always ask me why I read for fun...” Jay trailed off and gazed out the window, tucking her feet underneath her. When she looked back sawyer was sitting back in his chair squinting at her. “The reason im here is because I was at a party. My friend dragged me out and I was there til about one just reading with the cat curled up on my lap. I got kicked out by some drunk collage student. He actually kicked me.” Sawyer rolled up his jeans to reveal a deep gnash on his shin, and Jay scrunched up her nose and went to get the first aid kit (it was usually there for herself when she smashed a glass and cut herself, but there was always that one customer). “I dont think he meant to but he said I was ‘to much of a boring character’ to be at a party, so I left. My friend was still at the party, already drunk so I started to walk home, but...I kind of got lost. Anyway I found my way back into town and I realized id never been to this part of it, with the cobble streets and alleyways, you know what im talking about right?” Jay nodded. “Well I walked around here for like 2 hours and its so beautiful. I can't believe I've never been here. It looks like Rome almost. Everything was just quiet and I was the only one out. I dont know, its weird to see a town that is usually really busy all quiet and dark. SO now im here. Does that answer your question?” “So you’ve never been to the older part of town?” Jay questioned, awestruck. “Nope.” “Well I can tell you one thing, its way cooler then the new parts with the big buildings and tall condos. Also the people are more fun here, no offence, but you must be filthy rich to have never been here.” Jay spoke a tiny bit louder then she had before, unzipped the first aid kit at the table. Sawyer had an amused smile on his face and tried not to laugh. “Actually, I just moved here 3 months ago, and we are probably living in one of the worst apartments in town.” “Oh. Shit.” Jay whispered. “sorry about that whole thing, ive kinda had bad experiences with the richer people...” “but....” Sawyer edged her on. “My grandma just recently died, and she had a lot more money then she should have living down here. I inherited it all, so I guess I can't really be talked.” Jay spilled some peroxide on sawyers cut and he hissed. “Oh hush you’re fine.” Jay rolled her eyes. “Im sorry about your grandma, you were close?” Jay nodded, and started to gingerly wrap gauze around his leg. The two were quiet as she finished up. “You didnt have to do that.” Sawyer said in a low voice. “Actually, if a customer has an open wound in the shop, I have to clean he or she up because it is not sanitary for the food and it could disturb other customers.” Jay smiled slyly as she went to put away the kit. “Oh so im not special then.” Sawyer mumbled with false disapointment laced in his voice. “Nah its just the rules I'm following. You want some more?” Jay pointed to the empty mug and had already started to make it before he could answer. Sawyer got up and leaned against the counter with a sleepy smile plastered on his face. “Do you always work this shift?” “Nah just when I dont have school the next day.” Jay Handed him another cup and started to make one for herself. “So what books do you like?” She asked, tucking a strand of hair that came loose from her pony tail behind her ear. “Science fiction all the way. I guess I read some fantasy, but for the science aspect of it.” “Do ya like Harry Potter or lord of the rings at all?” “I mean ive read all of them but none of them could be real, so theyre not my favourite.” “Then why do you read books?” “What?” He tilted his head to the left. “People usually read books to escape, or to travel into a different reality. If you dont like books that can't be real, why do you read?” “For knowledge. I read to know things. To learn new things, but I guess your right in a way. I mean yeah, thats part of it. I guess I never thought of it that way but now...” He trailed off and looked slightly confused. “I think thats exactly why I read. I always do it when im stressed or upset.” His eyes were wide and he had a half smile on his face. “well now I feel stupid.” Sawyer muttered looking down at his hot coco a smal lsmile still in place. Jay laughed. “Dont, you’re not the one who works the night shifts just because you like it here more then your own home.” “Tough home life?” Sawyer looked up “Yes. No. Not really sometimes its great sometimes its not. I just like it here. Especially when its quiet.” Sawyer nodded, licking whipped cream off of his finger. “Is this your music?” He jerked his head up, indicating to the soft jazz music sounded from them. Jay blushed and bit her lip. “Yeah, I don’t usually listen to jazz, but I made a playlist for the cafe. I dont know I thought it was nice.” “Its great actually, you have nice taste in jazz.” “Ha. Thanks most people don’t appreciate how much better it can make a room feel, music I mean.” Jay let them back over to her corner, this time taking her seat back, forcing him to raise his eye brows and sit in the seat across from her. “Sawyer there is something you should know.” All of a sudden Jays face went very serious and sawyers smile slid off his face. “This seat right here, with the mint behind me and the window beside me, this is my seat.” Jay grinned and plucked a mint leaf off of the garden wall, and slipped it into her mouth. Sawyer started to laugh but was cut off suddenly by a blinding light. “Whoa...” Sawyer shielded his eyes and looked out the window to see the marvellous sunrise taking action. Jay closed her eyes and let the warm glow wash over her like she had swum up to the top of the ocean and had broken its subtle surface for the first time. Sawyer lowered his arm and blinked a few times. Everything had turned golden in the cafe, and he watched the dust particles dance in the sunbeams. He wondered briefly why the sun didnt always cast this glow on everything. He looked at Jay, who still had her eyes closed, and started to grin stupidly. Jay opened her eyes a moment later, to see sawyer staring at her. “What? Whats wrong?” “Are you bliss?” He asked drunkly, with a ridiculous smile. Jay scrunched up her face and chucked the balled up napkin she had at him. He tried to duck but it ended up hitting him in the forehead and falling into the last of his hot coco. “Shut up.” She muttered. “You really love it here.” “Yeah, its like my panic room. I have everything I will ever need right here.” “Hey I still don’t know your name.” He pipped. “Oh yeah, its Jay.” “Nice to meet you Jay.” “You too sawyer.” “Whats with the mint leaves?” Sawyer asked stoping her halfway from slipping another into her mouth. “try one.” She passed him the leaf and he raised his eyebrows in uncertainty. Jay rolled her eyes.”Just do it you wimp its a leaf, its not gonna bite you back.” Sawyer glared at her but couldnt keep a smiled from coming across his face. “It tastes sweeter then I thought.” He said after eating it. “Thats because I grow them, and I grow them with amazing talent and spectacular care.” This time sawyer rolled his eyes. “Does that mean you like to cook too?” He asked. Jay started to giggle. “If i ever try to cook anything but grilled cheese again, I will definitely burn the town down. Plus its grimy, you have to clean after, even if you dont even make it to the final product because you keep eating the ingredients separately.Its a waste of my time.” Sawyer laughed but then put n a fake face of seriousness. “Cooking is a science.Baking is an even better science. I can't believe you, you make drinks right? You should love it.” “Drinks are different. I know exactly what everyone likes by just the way they say hello, even if I dont know them. Drinks are someones personality. Food is just food.” “I bet I could change your mind on that.” Sawyer muttered slightly distracted. “And hows that?” “I could cook you a meal at my house say 7ish?” Sawyer didnt really know what he was saying, but when he realized it, his eyes widened and he whipped around to see Jay looking at him with a half smile on her face and her head tilted to the side. She had pulled her legs up criss cross and her strawberry red hair was coming out of her pony tail at the front and framing her face perfectly (It was just grown out of bangs). Sawyer licked his lips nervously. Jay let out a short breathy laugh and then leaned forward, tugging sawyer towards her by the neck of his hoodie. She pressed her lips against his softly, they were chapped and tasted of mint and chocolate and sawyer melted into her, reaching up to touch her chin just slightly. He had closed his eyes leaning in, and he opened them just halfway, to look at her freckles and her closed eyes through his glasses. He smiled on her lips and so did she. Thats when he heard a word Christmas bell go and the gruff huffs of a man. “What does a guy have to do to get a drink around here?” The man asked. Jay fell out of her seat. She clumsy stood up, flushed, and then bent down to whisper ‘triple shot americano with whipped cream’ into his ear. For a minute he was confused. “morning sir what can I get you today?” Sawyer turned around to watch Jay serve the man. “So you're the barista here? Maybe you should be waiting tables instead of making out with your boyfriend.” Sawyer looked around at the spotless tables and empty chairs, enternally screaming. “Im very sorry I will keep that in mind.” Jay still had a smile fixed on her face. “Ill get a triple shot americano with whip.” Sawyers jaw dropped and Jay grinned to herself as she started to make the drink. A few moments later Jay passed the man his drink as he payed but the man didn't move. “Are-are those rainbow sprinkles?” He stuttered, his eyes flipped from the drink to Jay. “Yup, just a touch I thought id add.” All of a sudden the mans face split into a toothy grin. “Thank you miss.” He croaked. “Have a nice day sir.” She smiled again. And the man put a 5 dollar bill in the tip jar. Once he left, Jay sat back down with sawyer. “Thats how its done Sawyer. I earn money by making peoples day and its a talent few have.” Jay had a smitten air around her and sawyer grinned. This time sawyer pulled her in for a kiss, and she let out a gasp of surprise. Then he scribbled down his address on a napkin, paid for his drinks, and put 6 dollars in the tip jar, just to one up the man. “You didnt really just do that. Tell me, I'm not going to date a guy who is that petty.” Jay crossed her arms. “Shut up Jay I'm a big teddy bear inside.” And with that sawyer left the cafe and Jay, who had never felt like her own little panic room could do anything more for her. *** a lot of spelling errors and run on sentences but hey, to my 2 followers out there what did you think

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