#also watching people who are better at this game than me play it is fascinating

[birdkittenn]

i need to learn how to play ultrakill like a madman

[commodorez]

What is the appeal of vintage computers to you? Is it the vintage video games or is it the programs? If so, what kind of programs do you like to run on them?

Fair warning, we're talking about a subject I've been passionate about for most of my life, so this will take a minute. The answer ties into how I discovered the hobby, so we'll start with a few highlights:

I played old video games starting when I was 9 or 10.

I became fascinated with older icons buried within Windows.

Tried to play my first video game (War Eagles) again at age 11, learned about the hardware and software requirements being way different than anything I had available (a Pentium III-era Celeron running Windows ME)

I was given a Commodore 1541 by a family friend at age ~12.

Watched a documentary about the history of computers that filled in the gaps between vague mentions of ENIAC and punch cards, and DOS/Windows machines (age 13).

Read through OLD-COMPUTERS.COM for the entire summer immediately after that.

Got my first Commodore 64 at age 14.

I mostly fell into the hobby because I wanted to play old video games, but ended up not finding a ton of stuff that I really wanted to play. Instead, the process of using the machines, trying the operating system, appreciating the aesthetic, the functional design choices of the user experience became the greater experience. Oh, and fixing them.

Then I started installing operating systems on some DOS machines, or playing with odd peripherals, and customizing hardware to my needs. Oh, and programming! Mostly in BASIC on 8-bit hardware, but tinkering with what each computer could do is just so fascinating to me. I'm in control, and there isn't much of anything between what I write and the hardware carrying it out (especially on pre-Windows machines)! No obfuscation layers, run-times, .dlls, etc. Regardless of the system, BASIC is always a first choice for me. Nova, Ohio Scientific, Commodore, etc. I usually try to see what I can do with the available BASIC dialect and hardware. I also tend to find a game or two to try, especially modern homebrew Commodore games because that community is always creating something new. PC stuff I focus more on pre-made software of the era.

Just to name a few examples from a variety of systems: Tetris, terminal emulators, Command & Conquer titles, screen savers, War Eagles, Continuum, video capture software, Atomic Bomberman, demos, LEGO Island, Bejeweled clones, Commander Keen 1-3, lunar lander, Galaxian, sinewave displays, 2048, Pacman, mandelbrot sets, war dialers, paint -- I could keep going.

Changing gears, I find it funny how often elders outside of the vintage computing community would talk about the era I'm interested in (60s-early 90s). [spoken with Mr. Regular's old man voice]: "Well, computers used to be big as a room! And we used punch cards, and COBOL!" I didn't know what any of that meant, and when pressed for technical detail they couldn't tell you anything substantial. Nobody conveyed any specifics beyond "that's what we used!"

I noticed that gaps remained in how that history was presented to me, even when university-level computer science and history professors were engaged on the subject. I had to go find it on my own. History is written by the victors, yeah? When was the last time a mainstream documentary or period piece focused on someone other than an Apple or Microsoft employee? Well, in this case, you can sidestep all that and see it for yourself if you know where to look.

Experiencing the history first hand to really convey how computers got from point A to B all the way down to Z is enlightening. What's cool is that unlike so many other fields of history, it's near enough in time that we can engage with people who were there, or better yet, made it happen! Why do you think I like going to vintage computer festivals?

We can see the missteps, the dead-ends, the clunkiness, the forgotten gems and lost paradigms, hopefully with context of why it happened. For the things we can't find more information on, when or documentation and perspectives are limited, sometimes we have to resort to digital archeology, and reverse engineering practices to save data, fix machines, and learn how they work. The greater arc of computer history fascinates me, and I intend to learn about it by fixing and using the computers that exemplify it best, and sharing that passion with others who might enjoy it.

[in1-nutshell]

Hello again, this is the second part of TFA Bumblebee's twin sibling.

Buddy also become fascinated by earth and, because of that, Prowl invites them to come watch the animals with him and learn more about earth's nature.

During that time Prowl and Buddy get to know each other better, they end up getting closer to the point Buddy's crush on Prowl goes from tiny to big.

Buddy's ends up getting more quiet and shy around Prowl because they don't know what to with those feelings.

Unknow to them, Prowl also returns those feelings.

Bumblebee starts teasing Buddy the moment he finds out they have a crush on Prowl.

Because, come on, he is their brother, it's basically his duty to embarrass them.

.

Bumblebee: I can't believe it, your first crush and is on the most boring bot ever.

Buddy: Oh, shut up!

.

But when he finds out Prowl also has a crush on his twin?

He becomes the "what are your intentions with my sibling" protective brother real quick and gives Prowl the shovel talk.

Is it because he thinks Prowl isn't good enough for his sibling? Not really, is mostly because he feels that it's his responsibility as Buddy's brother to act like this.

In the end, Bumblebee gives Prowl his approval to date his sibling and Prowl promises to Bumblebee that he will protect Buddy.

All righty! Part 2 of the last request!

Hope you enjoy!

Bot Buddy who's Bumblebee's twin with a crush on Prowl

SFW, Platonic, Romance, Familial, Cybertronain reader

TFA

The longer the team stayed on Earth the more Buddy fell in love with the planet.

From its people.

To the animals

To the plants.

It was so new and fresh, defiantly nothing that was on Cybertron.

They did miss Cybertron every now and then, but Earth was slowly becoming their new home.

Buddy and Sari had especially gotten close.

Buddy felt that they did owe Sari a bit, but it was mostly because they really did like Sari.

Buddy and Sari coming back to the base.

“And where were you two?”--Bumblebee

“We went to go see the new duck pond in the park.”--Buddy

Sari nodding.

“Yeah, and we got to feed them too.”--Sari

Sari and Buddy laugh a bit.

“Remember when that duck flew straight into your chassis?”--Sari

Buddy smiling widely.

“Only because you forgot to take the feed out! I still got feathers in me.”--Buddy

“Anyways, Sari I got the game set up—”--Bumblebee

“Not now Bumblebee. I’m gonna help Buddy paint their room.”--Sari

“Why? I’m much more fun than pain—and they left. Great…”--Bumblebee

Bulkhead sat next to him, patting his helm.

“It’s okay little buddy—”--Bulkhead

“I’m not that little!”--Bumblebee

Bee isn’t jealous.

He is very much.

He ends up nudging Buddy into hanging out with the team more so he can have more time to play with Sari.

This indirectly caused Buddy to start hanging out more with Prowl.

The two having a love for the organic nature of this planet often went outside of the plant to go look around.

It became their thing.

Buddy stumbled out of their room and running to the main room where Prowl was waiting for them.

“Sorry I’m late! I think Bumblebee mess up with my alarm’s.”--Buddy

Prowl chuckles a bit.

“No problem.”--Prowl

“I really thought you already left to the park by now. Why’d you wait?”--Buddy

Prowl stiffens a bit.

“You know more about the birds than I do.”--Prowl

“So that’s the only reason?”--Buddy

Prowl nervous sweats a bit before transforming.

“Shall we?”--Prowl

Buddy smiles at him and transforms.

“Ready when you are.”--Buddy

They never thought too hard about what was going on between them and Prowl. They were best friends, nothing more.

Right?

Best friends hung around each other all the time.

Best friends had sleepovers in each other’s rooms.

Best friends held servos sometimes.

Best friends sometimes felt a pounding in their chassis whenever the other was around.

Bets friends worried a lot about the others’ safety.

Best friends would take a blast to the chassis for the other.

Best friends would stare at each other for long periods of time.

Best friends often thought about each other when they slept—

Oh

Oh no…

They knew well this wasn’t some temporary thing.

They liked Prowl.

They really liked Prowl.

They needed to tell someone this.

And granted this was definitely not their best idea…

Buddy sitting with Bumblebee and Sari.

“So why do we have be here? Why not in the main room?”--Bumblebee

“Because I need to tell you guys something…”--Buddy

“And that’s something you can’t tell the team? Well, I’m all in for it! What is it?”--Bumblebee

“I…I…I like Prowl.”--Buddy

Buddy squints their optics shut not wanting to see their reactions.

Silence

“YYYYEEEEEEEE!”--Sari

Buddy quickly covers Sari’s mouth.

“Are trying to let the others know?!”--Buddy

“I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!”--Sari

“Wait what?”--Buddy

Sari giving them a smug look.

“I knew it from the first week you liked Prowl. I’ve been shipping you guys since.”-Sari

“Shipping? Never mind.”--Buddy

Buddy looks at their twin nervously.

“Well?”--Buddy

Bumblebee busts out laughing.

“Nice one Buddy! But leave the pranks to me. We both know I’m better.”--Bumblebee

“Bumblebee, they’re not kidding.”--Sari

Bumblebee looks at his twin and then realizes their seriousness.

“Really? Prowl? Out of all the bots—you just had to pick the most boring bot in this side of the system.”--Bumblebee

“Hey! He is not boring!”--Buddy

“Buddy’s right.”--Bulkhead

Bulkhead is leaning a bit on the doorframe.

“Thank you, Bulkhead.”--Buddy

Silence.

“Bulkhead! What are you doing here!?”--Buddy

“We heard Sari scream and came in and…”--Bulkhead

“Excuse me did you say ‘we’?”--Buddy

Bulkhead moves a bit revealing Ratchet and Optimus.

Buddy looks like they are going to faint.

“…How much did you hear?”--Buddy

“About the stuff we already knew?”--Ratchet

Buddy buries their face in their servos.

“At least Prowl did hear you.”--Bulkhead

“I didn’t hear about what?”--Prowl

CRASH!

THUD!

Buddy had sprung out of the window of their room and landed hard on the ground outside.

Everyone moved towards the window.

Buddy is laying eagle spread outside on the slightly cracked pavement.

“…Sari—”--Optimus

“On my way.”--Sari

Apparently, everyone knew, except about their crush except Prowl himself.

Observant their tailpipe.

The rest of the team managed to get Prowl out of the base for a bit to talk more to Buddy about their crush on the Cyberninja.

There are a lot of mix comments on how to woo or confess to Prowl.

Bee kind of doesn’t care too much about it.

He thinks that all of this is a bit much preparation for something that could fade away in a couple of weeks.

…That was until Bee found about Prowl’s little secret.

Bumblebee hiding behind Prowl’s tree ready to spook him for once.

Prowl comes in slightly pacing, clearly frustrated and nervous.

Bee stops a bit wondering what is happening to his friend.

“Come one Prowl! How hard is it to form a simple sentence. Why can’t you just say it.”--Prowl

Prowl stops a bit trying to regain his composure.

“Okay let’s see… Buddy, I like you. No that’s too straight forward. Buddy… ever since we met, I feel a special connection to you that I can only describe as affection. No… still not right. Hey Buddy, would you like to go out with me?”--Prowl

Bumblebee jumping from behind the tree.

“You like Buddy!”--Bumblebee

Prowl jumping already taking out his weapon when he realizes who it is.

“Bumblebee! What are you doing here!”--Prowl

“You. Like. Buddy.”--Bumblebee

Prowl freezes a bit.

“How much—”--Prowl

“I heard all of the horrible ways that your trying to ask them out.”--Bumblebee

“…”--Prowl

Prowl sits on his berth with both servos on his face groaning.

Bumblebee walks in front of him with both of his servos on his hips.

“Okay Prowl, do you really like them?”--Bumblebee

Prowl removes his servos from his face.

“Of course I do.”--Prowl

“Meaning that you want to make them happy. Like the happiest bot in this world.”--Bumblebee

Prowl nodding.

“And wanting to protect them from any danger or Decepticon we ever come across?”--Bumblebee

“Yes, I would protect them with my spark.”--Prowl

Bumblebee stands still like he is thinking.

“I guess I approve then.”--Bumblebee

Prowl looking at him dumbfounded.

“Wait what? What do you mean?”--Prowl

“It means I approve you and Buddy getting together, duh.”--Bumblebee

“I…I would have thought you wouldn’t like us being together, at all.”--Prowl

“I don’t like the idea of my twin dating anyone, but I guess if you do what you said you were going to do, then I’m fine with it.”--Bumblebee

Prowl looking a bit hopeful.

“Thank you.”--Prowl

Bumblebee waving his servo.

“Yeah, yeah, now go work on those pick-up lines and confessions. Only the Allspark knows why they like you.”--Bumblebee

“They what?”--Prowl

Bumblebee’s optics widen at the mistake, while Prowl’s widen in happiness.

“Ummm… what? I didn’t say anything!”--Bumblebee

“…”--Prowl

“Prowl?”--Bumblebee

“…”--Prowl

“Sari! I think I broke Prowl!”--Bumblebee

Prowl ended up confessing to Buddy later that week in front of the tree in his room under the full moon light.

He did think about doing it better in the park, but he didn’t want to risk something bad happening, and his room was the best place he could think of that also held significant value to the pair.

As a bonus, the team would be out on patrol while he would gather the nerves to confess.

The team returning from patrol.

“Remind me why Prowl couldn’t come today?”--Bumblebee

“He said he needed to do something and needed Buddy’s help with it.”--Optimus

“Hmmm. Wonder what that—”--Bulkhead

Bulkhead stops in the middle of the way.

“Bulkhead what are you—Oh.”--Ratchet

“What ‘oh’? What is—Oh. Oh!”--Optimus

“All right move it we can’t see!”--Bumblebee

Bumblebee and Sari move to the front to see what was going on.

On the sofa Prowl was sitting next to Buddy.

Buddy’s helm was resting on Prowl’s chassis as his arm went around their body, pulling them into a hug.

All while watching a nature documentary.

“HEY! NO KISSING!”--Bumblebee

Both bots jump up at the sudden noise.

“Bumblebee!”--Buddy

Buddy begins to chase their twin around the base feeling like their entire face was on fire.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”--Ratchet

Prowl sighs as Buddy manages to tackle Bee down.

“Wouldn’t have them any other way.”--Prowl

[cyberdragoninfinity]

I'm sorry but WHAT is happening in Duel Links??

*CRACKS KNUCKLES* ALRIGHT im certain other people could explain this better than I could (bark at me if any of this is wrong,) but, an attempt at a quick rough tl;dr of it:

so like. an important thing to note with DL is that like..... the in-universe explanation for Duel Links is that it's one of Seto Kaiba's new VR Next Evolution of Dueling Ego Projects, which like, ok sure, he Makes Those, but what's a little alarming with this one is that technically (almost) none of the characters In The Game are actually Those Characters Specifically, they're AI recreations of them with their original self's memories (that's already a lot, right out the gate.) (I say "almost" everyone because I think it's implied DSOD Kaiba and maybe Mokuba actually Are them because it's Their Game and they're always product testing it, there might be others though)

anyway another thing with this situation is that, uh, Most Characters in Duel Links Do Not Know They're AI. They just assume they're the original guy, that's just them! Hanging out in this cool new Duel VR! But then sometimes you DO get characters who actively are aware that they're just code in a video game (Yami Bakura and Bruno 5D's both comment on it), so you have this really interesting ecosystem of duelists who Are aware they don't really exist, and duelists who are None the Wiser. absolutely batshit.

and sure this is all well and fine with like, DM and maybe GX characters, ok sure it makes sense Kaiba would be recreating notable duelists of that era, but i cannot stress enough He Is Also Making AI Recreations of Dead People. DL very much takes place post-manga, post-DSOD. But Yami Yugi is There. Yami Bakura and Yami Marik are Very There. Manga Pegasus is there. Seto "I Will Never Learn to Come to Terms With Grief" Kaiba is actively raising the dead in his little VR card game simulator so they can live forever and there's a 50/50 chance they'll be FULLY AWARE that they died. JESUS.

There's also the hulking elephant in the room of Duel Links Has Been Including Characters From Series Kaiba Has Nothing to Do With For Quite Some Time Now--and a lot of those characters are like HEY. WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE. like I SWEAR someone from either Zexal or Arv-V was actively like "hi what the hell is KaibaCorp" so like...Kaiba's branding is ALL OVER THE VR WORLD EVEN IN THE WORLDS HE DIDNT EXIST IN. It's painting this absolute off the rails picture of Seto Kaiba trying to create this virtual multiverse of The Best Duelists From Every Timeline Living or Dead, and half the guys he's pulling in at this point are like *spawns into a perfect recreation of their hometown with no real idea of who did this* "what in the goddamn."

like guys from zexal/arc-v are actively IN GAME like trying to figure out why this VR world exists and who created it. It's absolutely wild and fascinating to watch. excited to see what happens when they add VRAINS world next month?!?!? idk anything about VRAINS really but it's probably going to make the DL lore even more bananas.

ANYWAY. ALL OF THAT SAID. NOW WE HAVE MAXIMILLION PEGASUS DROPPING IN-GAME OMINOUS SENTIMENTS it's kind of a culmination of all of the aforementioned shit. Duel Links Pegasus (an AI recreation of manga!Pegasus, who is fully aware A.) that's he's dead and B.) that there's multiple worlds and timelines crammed into this Virtual Reality) has a conversation with Paradox (an AI recreation of Paradox the Bonds Beyond Time Yugioh Movie Bad Guy, who, for all intents and purposes, fully believes he's the real dude and he wants to kill-die-explode-murder Pegasus SO BAD) breaking down that "hey, this place unites different histories, and if you kill me duel monsters won't cease to exist. Anyway, I'm not real! Ohoho! This world holds threads of tragedy, Paradox-boy!" <-- (not verbatim. but i wish it was.) Meanwhile Paradox is having a sputtering breakdown right next to him. This is a video game to play yugioh the trading card game.

like. it's just absolutely wild. konami could have just said "hey heres yugioh characters from every series. whatever" but no instead they threw in a bunch of mild psychological horror and inter-series friction and existentialism and it's a freemium video game that i have 600+ hours on on steam. yugioh duel links !

[ladymarycrawley]

The blondie I'm in love with - Mason Mount

Request: Mason has a fake girlfriend but with a happy ending please (requested by @masterclassbaby sorry baby, I kept you waiting so long for this 🙈 hope you like it!)

Warning: one of my worst pieces to date I think but after months of lacking any motivation to write about Mason I got struck but this idea all of a sudden last night so

Tag list: @masonxomount @prideofpd @masterclassbaby @chelsealover @johnstonesfc

Summer’s hot and sunny weather it’s like the secret ingredient for good things to happen, such as good holidays in beautiful places. Better if shared with people we love and have fun with. That was the case for you and Mason who got the chance to spend some time together with some of your mutual friends, spending days at the beach and nights out, staying up late.

Another thing that usually happens in summer, football related, is the transfer window where players say goodbye to the teams they've played in until that moment and let some new teams welcome them for their new adventure. Mason made no exception as he was among those players too. 

The season that just ended wasn’t the best of his career for sure and he needed that month away from football to clear his mind as well as relax. 

“Well now everyone will make up some weird theories about your new hair colour and that'll be so much fun" 

Clearing his mind meant also doing some crazy things such as dying his hair platinum blonde (something that was quite en vogue among those football players…what’s the fascination behind it?). Most people, the ones who liked drama more than anything else, were certain there was some deep meaning behind those style changes.

"You'll be the one to blame"

"Me?? What does it have to do with me?"

"Cause it's always some girl's fault"

You rolled your eyes, making him giggle.

"As if"

"We could turn the whole situation at our advantage and make it fun"

"What do you mean? You're scaring me, Mount"

“Well, we could pretend you’re my girlfriend and you’re the one girl to blame”

You served him a kind of puzzled look, not seeing the whole point of the thing.

“And so? What’s the sense of it all?”

 “Just to give them something to talk about, you know the transfer window is here and I’ve had enough of random people assuming things about myself and my future as a player so we’ll give them a distraction”

"I'm not sure I want to be their distraction…"

After a one of a kind, rather weird courting you gave in and accepted to be his fake girlfriend: behind the cameras and the paps' flashes you kept on behaving normally, as if nothing happened, as if you were still a couple of good friends and nothing more.

One of the reasons why you didn't want this thing to happen was because you knew, like it or not, something deep down your soul would have changed the way you perceived him and, consequently, the trajectory of your friendship. You always had a soft spot for him, not only because he was one your best friends but because something stronger was burning inside of you.

When his best mates would nudge him to tell him someone was watching or it was time for him to start his little act of the boyfriend in love your heart started racing: the way he would move closer to sneak his arm around your waist and graze the pad of his thumb against your hip bone, matched with the tender touch of his lips lingering against your jaw made you feel kind of dizzy. What if you were falling in love with one of your closest friends, for real, not just to play some senseless game?

"We would really make a cute couple" He whispered in your ear, giggling.

You giggled back, annoyed by how this thing was a bit too funny to him. 

"We should break up at some point, you know that?"

"Who said that?" He kissed the sensitive skin behind your ear, causing goosebumps all over your arms.

"God Mase, I hate you sometimes" 

The smirk on your face as he was holding you tight to him made you a very bad liar, there’s no other place you would have rather be in.

Those days were soon turning into a slow agony: Mason would swim close to you and give you underwater hugs, napping with you on the same bed, placing his hands on your hips in the club at night so your bodies would sway together to the rhythm of the loud music. You were doing all the things a couple would do but you weren’t a couple.

This dynamic cooled down when it was time for him to get back in business as things at Cobham weren’t going particularly well but you were sure he’d have sorted it out as he was Chelsea through and through. But you were wrong.

He avoided talking about what direction his football career would have taken even with you, who used to be the one he would tell everything, even the smallest things.

When the day prior to his official announcement he sat on your bed in your London house to tell you he accepted the bid Manchester United made for him so he would have moved up north rather soon you felt as if the whole world was falling upon your shoulders and Mason was your whole world.

"Wh - what? You're not a Chelsea player anymore?"

The sadness filling his eyes was heartbreaking to say the least, he was gutted to leave his heart's club, most of all because he was kind obliged to do so if he wanted to go on playing, which was the thing that mattered the most to him.

Mason nodded as his chocolate pupils followed your body falling to the ground, on your knees.

"Hey, are you -" He asked, getting up in a rush to take you.

"Don't touch me"

He gave you a puzzled look and you soon provided him with an explanation. 

"You knew it, you knew you'd have left Chelsea and London from the beginning. That's why you dyed your hair this awful blonde that makes you look like a fuckboy. I hate you. You just used me for fun and you knew it from the beginning!" You cried out, trying to fight back the tears.

“You agreed when I told you about the fake relationship”

“Yes but you did it only because you already knew you would have left Chelsea and you used me as a shield against the fucking press!”

“I - didn’t know anything about United, we were in talks but it wasn’t official at all!”

“Fuck off Mason” You muttered, lowering your eyes as if you were looking for something on the carpet your tired body was abandoned on. Mason didn’t dare to look at you either, keeping his gaze down too.

"I dyed my hair simply because I liked it, because I had a shitty season felt the need to change something…I like you too"

"You what?" Your eyes now had to stop looking for something that didn’t exist on the floor and start to look at the handsome boy before you who just happened to say something quite powerful.

"Y/N I wanted to have some fun, yes, but I also liked you for quite a while and I didn't know how to tell you not to ruin our friendship." He kept on explaining with the softest voice.

“Oh so you now think you can get away with it by saying some sweet words??” Yes, those sweet words surely had an effect on you and denying it was the biggest lie ever.

“Come to Manchester with me”

That invite left you in a shocked state as it was the last thing you were expecting: why should he ask you to follow him away from London? You were good friends but that’s not the kind of question usually asked to someone who’s only a friend.

“Did you hear what I said?? I don’t even know if I want to be your friend anymore. You just used me and now you’re asking me to leave my city, my everyday life to follow you?”

“Yes, because I love you”

The three words. Mason just said those three words to you. 

“You’ve always been there for me when I needed it, you always keep up with my shit, including faking a love relationship, but now I feel like I’m ready to have a real one. I wanna get home from training and see you there, dozing off on the sofa and kiss your forehead or taking you out to dinner at some fancy place”

Mason was there, looking as the most fragile creature you’ve ever seen, opening his heart to you with no fear, he was being the Mason you fell in love with, little by little, over the years.

Warm tears, joyful ones this time, started rolling down your cheeks as you threw your arms around his neck, causing him to fall flat on the mattress.

“I hate you, blondie”

“You love this blondie, you’re such a bad liar” You got lost in each other’s eyes that were shining with a different light, a warmer one.

“This could be the moment where I confess I’ve always been secretly in love with you but I won’t” You whispered shyly, making him smile.

He smirked and caressed your lower back in a circular motion.

“You hid it quite well actually” You both giggled before he pressed his lips against yours in a real kiss, one of those sloppy but heartfelt kisses that took you to another dimension, a dreamy and ideal one.

The moment you were living was just too intense to think about anything else and soon you found yourself straddling him, not even realising the speed at which your clothes fell on the floor, too busy making love to him for the first time.

That bed felt like the best place on earth, the one where all your dreams and hopes became true, the one where you were safe from every danger the outside world might be holding against you.

“This is not just a summer thing, right?”

“This will be a thing for many summers to come”

Mase’s arms were now your home, the shelter you would have run to in case of extreme glee or of unbearable pain, it was the place to be.

[the-oracles-maw]

downtime

Miguel is hard on you because he cares. Set after the events of beyond the spider verse I guess?? So very, very not canon.

father figure! Miguel o'hara x reader

It's been a while since you've come into headquarters voluntarily.

And Miguel's noticed.

You see, you were perhaps a social experiment for the hardheaded spider-man.

"You're good for him," another spider-man, Peter B., had told you one day when he insisted on introducing you to his rambunctious toddler, Mayday. That was also the day he told you about that kid. Miles.

You have yet to meet him. But apparently, Miles' appearance sent shockwaves throughout the Spider-Society, bringing it to the brink of disbanding. You came along sometime after it, into the arms of angry and protective spider-people, who at first, didn't want you anywhere near their leader.

Miguel was exasperated by you. How, he thought, could such a natural talented spider, like you, even at a relatively young age! Be so goddamn lazy? And reckless! He stared at you as you lay buried beneath your quilts in the apartment the society provided for you like a slug. Truly, it was fascinating how heavy you slept.

He wondered if you played possum during your missions and he didn't know. If it turns out you did, he'd rip you a new one.

"(name,)..." His voice uncharacteristically soft, but still edged with annoyance as he approached you, before firmly shaking your shoulder with a heavy sigh. "Oye, (name.) Up, up, up. It's past noon."

Somewhere, you were far, far away. You have a hand at whatever is trying to coax you from wonderful, wonderful slumber. You mutter something into your pillow, but with Miguel's enhanced hearing, it sounded an awful lot like "Go fuck yourself."

Miguel raised a graceful brow at your half-conscious protest. Tossing all self control out the window, and knowing you're a sleep deprived monster who sleeps fully clothed, he grabs your ankles and begins to gradually drag you from your pillow and off the other side of the bed.

"Jesus Christ! Okay! Okay! I'm getting up!"

"This cannot be healthy for you, (name.) Sleeping until noon. Ever thought about going to bed earlier? Putting aside your games for once?"

"Pot, meet kettle, asshole."

"Touché."

He's still lingering in your tiny apartment, passing you a warm empanada as you exit your bedroom, hair in a towel and spider-suit donned. "Seriously, it's a miracle you haven't missed a mission."

"I have a system!" You protest, biting into the empanada, the savory meat waking you right up.

"Uh huh, sure. Come on, eat. I got a job for you."

"Oh come on!" You protest with a mouth full. "It's Saturday, dude!"

Miguel said nothing, just looking back at you.

Shoving the rest of the empanada in your mouth you grumble. "Mn.. Fine. Fuck you, then."

 ━━━━━━━━ ━━━━━━━━ ━━━━━━━━ 

You saw this coming a mile away. And boy, did you give Ben hell for not watching your six on this mission. Even when he patted your shoulder saying to follow him, adding in "you've earned some downtime," was just a ploy to soften you up for the incoming lecture.

"I thought you were better than that, (name,) running headfirst into the anomalies. You could've missed and sent them running loose!"

"That was not me," you argued back. "Not this time." You turn away from him. You're really not in the mood for this debate. You're exhausted and in pain.

"Really? Who was it then?"

"Ben."

"Oh, we're pointing fingers now?"

"You're kidding right? I already talked to him! He went out to do his own thing!" You argued back and showed him your arm, watered and bruised from a harsh landing. You don't bother to look at the state of your badly aching chest. Miguel gave a long look at you and shook his head.

"Hey, let me ask you something," you say suddenly, despite the pain in your chest, you're raising your voice. Perhaps the adrenaline produced for your injuries was doing you some good. "How come whenever something goes wrong, your first instinct is that it had something to do with me? Why do you crawl up my ass all the time?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me! I'm not a child, Miguel." Miguel was certainly thinking about arguing back that you were acting like one, with your arms folded and raised voice, so he did just that.

"You don't even listen to me!" Your voice had become a sudden shout, capturing the attention of mingling spider-people, now staring at you and their boss. A few shaking their heads. Another few departing.

Feeling the countless eyes on him, (and being very much aware that more than a few of his subordinates were still pretty angry at him,) he sighed and shook his head. "Alright... you know what, (name)? Come... let's... talk about this."

His voice was uncharacteristically quiet. Even when he ordered the lingering spider-people out. Even when he urged you to sit. You were absolutely seething with anger, not exactly willing to hear him out. Still, his expression remained soft.

"Look, I... I know I'm tough on you." He began. You opened your mouth to fire something back, but he raised a hand to stop you. "I know. It doesn't feel like I'm trying to help you out-"

"The why bother?" You interrupt him. "Why try if you know every time I'm going to fuck something up? You happen to have a knack for these things. Especially if it's my fault that everything goes wrong."

Miguel was surprised to see tears starting to prick at your eyes. "Hey, no, nena, that's not it-" He's not sure where or how the nickname slipped, but he decided to roll with it. He sighed again. "You know what, maybe I'm just... not expressing this correctly."

Fuck, Miguel felt like an idiot right now. But it was as close to explaining why he was so tough on you as he could get. He scooted a little closer to you, bending down to look you in the eye as you bowed your head. "You remember what I told you that day? When I first took you in."

Clear as the fucking day, you thought. When the spider-society, or more specifically, Miguel, discovered you, the lone survivor of a universal collapse, he was much worse with his words.

"Yeah, you said I wasn't a huge mistake. Just the byproduct of a huge mistake."

Miguel visibly blushed at this recounting. You turn away from him. "I don't need the reminder that a fault in the system is all I'll ever be to you, asshole." Your voice was cracking. The pain in your arm and chest and your exhaustion was getting to you, and you were crumbling."

"(name)..." Miguel reached out, and tried to place a comforting hand on your shoulder, but you noticeably, painfully flinched.

"Fuck, I'll take you to get that checked out."

"I... I'll do it..." You're barely stringing a sentence together.

"Look at you," Miguel sighed. "I bet you can barely walk in this state. And I don't know how I feel about leaving you alone right now, nena. I still wanna talk." And there was the nickname again.

" Do you remember why, I said I decided to take you under my wing?"

You don't answer, sniffling. Miguel's lips curl up into a small smile. "Come on, nena. I know you know. I know you have a photographic memory like that. Freaks me the hell out. But, come on. I wanna hear you say it."

"I'm still spider-woman." You respond. Now looking up at him.

"And?"

You blink away the last of your tears. "You'll be there every step of the way, anomaly with nowhere to go or not. I'm spider-woman."

"Damn right you are." And with that, Miguel pulled you into a tight hug. His free hand gently petting your hair. You can't help but to bury your tearful face pitifully into his shoulder and whimper into it. "...And damn right I will, nena. Got me?"

You sniff. "...yeah."

"Now you listen to me, you're not a mistake. And... yeah, you're a pain, but you're not a disappointment. All I want is to look out for you. I'm a hard ass on you because I care. This is me caring."

"You have a funny way if showing it."

"I know, nena, I know." He continues to rub your hair. "I'm working on it." He gently lets you go, placing both hands ever so lightly on your shoulders, avoiding your injuries. "Why don't we get you patched up, yeah? Like I said, you could use some downtime."

You smile at that. "Sure. Everything is killing me." Miguel sighed as he outstretched a hand for you to help you up. "Am I gonna have to carry you?"

"This fine ass princess? Maybe."

"Ay, por dios, (name.)" There she was. The snarky, sassy you he's come to cherish like you were his own flesh and blood. Yeah, he thought. He's hard on you because he cares.

Perhaps he should, starting in the infirmary, express to you more of that "cares."

Peter B. was right. You were good for Miguel. And fuck him, Miguel thought, shaking his head with a smile.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Last Twilight, Ep. 1 Thoughts

Full disclosure, I am very neutral about JimmySea as a pairing, and literally the only reason I am watching Last Twilight is to see how Aof Handles Disability: Round 2. While I certainly had quibbles with some stuff in Moonlight Chicken, I was generally impressed by the way Aof navigated that storyline both on and off-screen. And seeing characters with disabilities in BL has been extremely rare. 

So, I just want to share my thoughts on the first episode of Last Twilight because there was not enough going on in it for me to personally write an actual analysis. I also want to make it clear that I am not blind, and do not know how accurate an experience any of what is going on may be to blind people. 

BUT! I will say that I was desperately in love with the way they opened the entire show. And I don’t mean like the intro, I mean the “this is a fictional series///raikon dopini” announcement at the beginning because they blurred it at the beginning (and let it become clear over time). Aof and co are getting a lot of mileage with their use of Day’s level of vision, but I personally think it is important to periodically remind the audience of what Day’s working with:

OH ALSO, CONTENT WARNING FOR STROBE EFFECTS FROM TIME 0:18-0:34 IN PART ONE. 

That said, there were a few aspects of Day’s disability storyline that I found interesting. 

I loved watching everybody interview for the caretaker position, it was really fun to see the comedy and ridiculousness of some of the common sentiments (shout out to Mr. “I’m not helping him, he’s helping me”, worst anyone has ever done it, buddy: 12/10) being played for the absurdities they are.

I loved some of the set dressing, even if it feels a little obvious. The painting in Day’s house with like four or five heads being split by one giant eye in the center is a fucking brilliant choice. (and this is not related to the disability aspect, but the little bandaid Rung put on her car absolutely killed me, what an adorably tragic detail). 

3. I already said it, but I loved the way that Aof and co cuts between their normal sharpness and Day’s level of vision. Especially because Aof is using Sea, who I feel like most of the fan base knows, and has seen very much be Not Blind. I think stories that center around disability should actually be spending time showing the audience the difficulties that can stem from disability. It was extremely helpful, to me at least, to know what and how Day sees, you get a much better sense of danger when he walks in to the street, when you know how he is trying to navigate. I loved how impossible it was to differentiate the shuttlecock from the ground during the badminton game. And, I think they got the balance right, and didn’t over use that tactic in the first episode, but I will be interested to see if they continue to use it throughout the show

4. The semi-infantilization of Day by his family. This feels so similar to some aspects of Heart’s family dynamics and so different in others. Both families are very protective of their disabled child in the sense that they (in my mind) overestimate their child’s limitations. But, where Heart’s family was more detached from him: leaving him alone in the house so often, not learning sign language, etc. Day’s mother won’t even let Day stand up and walk like…30 feet in a straight line. Day’s brother, Night, yells at Day for getting out of the car and going up to the Society for the Blind so he can search for music to listen to. It is really fascinating actually, having just wrapped up Unit 2: Race, Class, and Disability from @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus, to compare the way Day, a grown adult man, is being treated by his family, compared to say, Leo from The Way He Looks. There are definitely intersections of concern and tighter leashes around these characters than I think either Day or Leo would like. But, because Leo has been blind his entire life, there are aspects of his blindness that are normalized and integrated in his family that are not present in Day’s because…they are new to the whole blindness thing.  __

Something I am iffy about as this progresses is the conversation around eye transplants for Day.  Of course, everyone has the right to choose how to handle their disability, but in a story that from my own interpretation feels like it is partially about accepting new realities, I am waiting to see how that particular story element shapes up. I also think there is/was an opportunity to play with sound in thai show, and I do not know if they are going to do that. But, GMMTV and sound design have never really gone hand in hand.  __

One thing I very much did not like about Day’s disability storyline: 

THE FUCKING CENTER FOR THE BLIND DOES NOT HAVE BRAILLE

ANYWHERE!

I don’t know where they shot this, if it was at an actual center or if it was a set/made to be a center for the blind but…

There is no braille on the elevator 

There is no braille on the books

There is no way to easily know what CDs are on that table. 

And like, I have no clue as of yet if braille is something that Day has learned (and I did look it up there is both Thai and Lao braille). It’s been a year since he started losing his vision, so he would have had time to learn. But this center does not revolve around Day, so either way, WHY THE FUCK IS THERE NO BRAILLE? I have to assume this is a place they just dressed as a center for the blind, and that there were limited changes they could make to the space or something to justify the fact that this society for the blind is not accessible for the blind. 

Also, everybody in the center was staring at Day trying to find the CD that he dropped, and like…y’all are staff at a center for the blind, why are you acting so surprised? 

Curious to see how this show continues. 

[intervalart]

I absolutely love your art of Sundown, he’s one of my favorites (next to Akira) 🙂 honestly he’s hilarious in the Dominion of Hate, he’ll literally fight Akira for no reason, he’s got this “tired single dad handling 6 kids” energy to him, and he even like…scolds Oersted? It sounded like? (His voice actor, Reagan Murdock, played Aki Hayakawa in this anime called Chainsaw Man, so i guess he has experience with voicing a guy who needs to wrangle teenagers 😅) do you happen to have any hcs for him?

I'M SO SORRY IT'S TAKING ME SO LONG TO GET TO THESE ASKS, i'm packing to move, so that's taking up most of my time and energy ;;;v;;;

BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH WAAAAAAA, I'm glad you like how I draw the schüt man <333 (who has somehow accidentally become The Muse, whoops lol)

Sadly there are currently no in-game dialogues showing how he interacts with the other party members (party banter like octopath is a common DLC request), but Mad Dog has a line about Sundown "being bad with the little ones", which is either Mad Dog's interpretation based on what he wants to see, or Sundown's stoicism and bluntness really does tend intimidate the kids. (I don't watch CSM so I will take your work for it... But I'm sure Mr. Murdock does a great job! He has a great voice for it...)

But from what we do know for sure (from his recruitment quest and his dialogue to Sin when out of the party of the final 4) is he is very tired, and wants nothing to do with you.

tbh that's part of the reason I'm fascinated with him, is in a whole party full of spunky/quirky anime youngsters who have Psychic powers, martial arts, laser canons, ninja powers, etc. (the oldest being Masaru who's usually hc'd at 25 years old for the meme).... there's just. A guy. Maybe late 30s/early 40s. With a gun.

People joke about Masaru being the Straight Man (which is true to some extent), but I feel like he handles the weirdness a bit better than Sundown does, just on account of his adaptable nature. If Mad Dog's reaction to O. Dio's true form was any indication, supernatural stuff is... Not normal for their time period. So I think Sundown is much more the Straight Man in the DoH just cuz he stands out so much from everyone else. (not that he isn't silly in his own way... he's based on Clint Eastwood ffs lol)

...and I wrote all of this text without even getting to my headcanons, so if that isn't any a warning for how much I can ramble about him at length, then let this cut should tell you. (you asked, sorry not sorry lol)

So warning in advance, there's gonna be a teeny bit of overlap with Mad Dog hcs on some of these because of how much the two intertwine with each other. They kinda come as a package deal.

Some of my hcs you've probably seen in this comic. Most notably; not just the survivor's guilt, but also in the panic of the raid on the town and the flurry of using the Hurricane Shot, he's not entirely sure if he only shot the invading bandits. :( He worried he might have gotten some townsfolk in there too. (Mostly illustrated on pages 5-6 when all the figures kinda blend together)

At the time I made the comic I thought it was just a theory that he'd placed the bounty on himself, I somehow missed the fact that it was canon. But the fact that it is canon definitely drives home both the survivor's guilt, and him fearing death despite having a death wish. (There's much easier ways to off yourself homie, you don't gotta have a bizarre death ritual with randos obsessed with fame and glory... </3)

On the earlier topic, he might not so much be bad with kids, as he is... blunt. He doesn't sugar coat stuff, and he's probably very hands-off. If he really was the respected sheriff of [Unnamed Town], he probably had some experience with kids in the past, but I suspect between the trauma and some degree of wanting to keep everyone else safe, he's cold and aloof on purpose. He was probably more sociable before The Incident. (Much like a certain blond knight)

But he does work well with others in the DoH and is brief but polite to everyone, even the younger characters. (I cry every time he says "thanks" or "sorry" when another party member heals him... TT0TT)

All that aside, some of the more domestic hcs:

• I think Sunny is very skilled at sewing!! Living out in the wilds and not having access to new clothes very often/if at all means he had to get good at repairing his own clothes. And between sleeping out under the stars and the bullet holes, he has plenty of practice... (MD called him girly for it once, and with a completely straight face, Sunny said "Why do you think being self-sufficient is inherently feminine...?". MD never mentioned it again.)

• The trade-off however is that he's... Not an amazing cook. Everything is either eaten raw or roasted over a fire, and he doesn't have a ton of access to spices and herbs in the wilds... Very utilitarian in his cooking methods.

• That ties into the next point; the dude's got a cast iron stomach. If the guy can canonically down an infinite number of glasses of milk (LONG after most adults develop lactose intolerance), the guy can eat pretty much anything. Including whatever rattlesnakes (and cactus) he found to eat.

• Sunny is probably a very skilled dancer! If for no other reason other than dodging bullets for years lmao. MD catches a glimpse once. Sunny looks him dead in the eyes and says "No one will ever believe you."

• I've already discussed this, but Sunny probably used to be left-handed, and either due to societal necessity or an injury, he became ambidextrous!

• Now that I'm thinking about it actually, I drew Young Sundown in the comic with much less facial hair to just make him look younger... But it actually makes sense that between the depression (and possibly self loathing), he kinda uses the facial hair as like... A mask? Like, so he doesn't have to see himself in a way? (I might be reading too much into it, the OG art does show he shapes his scruff and it's not completely unkempt, so maybe it started as Depression Scruff, and he just shaves it as best he can with a knife lol)

• I used to hc that he didn't name his horse because he didn't want to get attached. (He just calls it Horse) But after talking to another Really Cool Wild West Artist in the JP fandom, it's not impossible that he could have had the same horse the entire time... So that's not a hill I need to die on lol.

• For obvious reasons, he's a hard guy to get to laugh. If he does, it's usually wry and understated. But on the rare occasion he does genuinely laugh, he's more inclined to stifle it at first, more out of habit than anything else. It takes a lot to get him rolling in the aisles.

...But that's getting into BBFF territory, which is a whole 'nuther post, and definitely not something I have rambled about at length and stored on a hidden discord server.

AND that's not talking about my Mad Dog hcs......

-gripping you anon- Do you see why I am in hell.

[sysakiddo]

5 times Lewis confronted Sebastian about his writing and one time he did not have to

1.

“You're not even listening to me.” Lewis, for lack of a better word, whines. He has a deep crease between his eyebrows. Sebastian wants to tell him the wrinkle will stay there, just to see him panic. Though he manages to hide it, Lewis is really vain sometimes. 

“I'm kind of busy at the moment.” No apology. “You were saying?” 

The room is too hot and sticky for Sebastian to play mind games with Lewis. He wants to be alone and count down the minutes to when he can take a cold bath. 

Suddenly, Lewis moves quickly, soundlessly. He likes to remind Sebastian he is a cheetah, with or without a car. 

Sebastian does not manage to hide the tab he had opened. As a rule, these days, he is not fast enough. 

“Seriously, Seb? The Times crossword is more important than what I'm telling you?” 

“I would never dream of saying you're not the most important thing in the world.” the blond huffs, feeling mean now. 

He is very obviously fishing for a reaction and Lewis knows it. From previous experiences, he also knows the fight would not bring him any gratification. He smiles tightly instead, sitting down on the couch. 

Sebastian glares at him, hating how Lewis looks like he belongs there. Like there is no place where he belongs more than on the couch in Seb's driver's room. 

“I finally read your book. The one about the spies, Burning Snow?” he clarifies as if Sebastian doesn't know the plot and names of his own books. 

And look, Sebastian is still mad at whoever leaked his identity to the press. It is more than a month since the whole world discovered that he, Sebastian Vettel, four times world champion, is also an acclaimed author. He published all of his books under a pseudonym, which worked pretty well. Until now. 

The people in the paddock took it in stride. Out of them, who looked like they could write a book that became a bestseller long before his identity had been revealed? The bee rescuer is the only one fit for the job. 

Valterri was the first to go through the bulk of his publications, three novels and one book for kids. 

Your writing is pretty good. Maybe you should try and publish it someday :) 

The text from Valterri after he finished made him huff, but deep down, something in his chest had eased. 

Lewis, however, was weirdly evasive on the topic. He was apprehensive about reading any of Seb's work and only got to it when Valterri left all of the books on his desk, with a post-it note on the top. 

READ IT!!!

Immediately after finishing the first chapter of the first novel, he regretted not starting earlier. Uncovering the similarities between the side characters and the people in the paddock was a lot of fun. It felt like an intimate look into the story that Seb's readers wouldn't normally get. One of the characters, the one who actually holds the key to the climax of the story and is far more important than the reader would have thought at first, is based on him, he thinks. Lewis only puts it together at the end. It's the way the character's dialogues are written that gives it away. He thinks it fascinating to find out how Sebastian privately perceives him. He describes him with great detail, things that Lewis wouldn't think to notice about him even. The thought of being so closely watched makes the top of his ears heat up. 

Now, Sebastian is watching him, unimpressed. “You can read?” 

Lewis keeps ignoring him - it works most of the time. “My favourite was Thomas, naturally.” 

The top of Seb's cheeks turns bright red.  “N-narcissist.” He tries to keep his composure, shaking his head a little. The stutter exposes him and Lewis smirks like he has just won. And his trophy is sitting on a stool in front of him. 

“Well, I gotta run now. I'll come back with a review of book number two!” 

Seb is too overwhelmed to react before Lewis slips out of the door. He sighs, returning to his crossword.

2.

The next time Seb sees Lewis, he curses the way his heart flutters in his chest when he sees his smile. 

“I tried the recipe, you know,” Lewis lets his hand linger on Seb's forearm as he stops him in his stride. They are both rushing to get to the debrief on time. Lewis does not care. 

At Seb's quizzical face, he puckers his lips a little in annoyance. “The one from Freedom to Pheasants; what Matilda used to offer her cousins when they came over. I, of course, used soya yoghurt and I still had a little bit of the honey you gave me-” Seb opens his mouth to interrupt him but does not succeed. “I used almond butter and cherries instead of raspberries and let it freeze for a few hours. Why didn't you tell me sooner? It is delicious.” 

“We really have to go, guys.” the intern standing beside them looks like he regretted taking this job and would rather jump off the cliff than listen about frozen yoghurt treats for another minute. 

“Did you like it? The book, I mean.” Seb asked, feeling like a kid asking for compliments on his drawing. He regrets it almost immediately. Lewis flashes him a big smile, open and sincere, the sight only a few people are graced with. 

“Yeah, man. The dialogues were spectacular.” 

When Seb opens the freezer in his motorhome a few hours later, he is taken aback by a small white box with a sharpie-drawn smiley on top. When he opens it, five perfectly symmetrical yoghurt bites punch the air out of his lungs, like he missed a stair. With shaky hands, he fishes out one and takes a bite. The aftertaste of honey in his mouth makes his eyes water. 

3.

“Seb! Seb! Sebastian!” the whispering grows louder with each call of his name and Sebastian feels himself getting pulled out of the slumber. He groans loud enough for the woman sitting next to him, someone from McLaren's marketing team, to glare at him. 

“What?” he snaps at Lewis, the other man taken aback. He doesn't expect to see the dark circles under Seb's eyes, his ashen skin looking almost white. 

He gulps, worry bubbling in his chest. “Care to join me for dinner?” 

The German sighs, hunching in his chair even more. He jerks his shoulders, which Lewis takes as an affirmative response. 

A few hours later, every corner of Lewis' apartment is filled with quiet music. Seb is watching his every move from the bar stool in his kitchen. Lewis feels weirdly exposed like that, chopping onions for their dinner, even though it isn't the first time he has made dinner for Sebastian. Not by a long shot. 

“Daniel must have been thrilled,” he cuts the silence abruptly. Seb doesn't understand and makes a go-ahead gesture with his hand. “When he found out you based the main character on him, I mean.” 

“Oh,” Sebastian smiles bashfully. “You've read This room can not be eaten?” 

Lewis nods. The book for kids took him the shortest to read, naturally. To his bewilderment, he enjoyed it a lot. After he had finished, he immediately bought a copy for every kid in his family. 

“I don't think Daniel had realised Rick is based on him, actually.” Seb chuckles, his eyes lighting up in joy. 

Sebastian starfishes on the couch after they finish eating. Lewis pours them a second glass of wine and sits down next to him. Carefully, carefully. 

The German looks better after eating, though he still very clearly lacks energy. Lewis turns on the television, mainly as the white noise. 

He falls asleep in no time, and Lewis stands up to put the fluffiest blanket on him. He makes sure both his shoulders are covered, hesitating a bit before brushing the stray strands of hair out of his forehead. 

When he sits down, Sebastian whines softly and puts his cold feet under Lewis' thighs. 

Lewis lets himself hope. 

4.

The next time they see each other, Lewis is a few drinks in, talking a little louder than he usually would. Seb finds him laughing in a circle of a few of their friends. He is like a magnet, though he never fully realised how much power he holds in a crowd of people. 

“Birthday boy!” Seb beams at Charles, hugging him firmly. He already congratulated him this morning with a gift and a proper speech. Now, it's time to clink his glass with him, which, he personally thinks, is too old to do properly. 

Either way, he lets himself get lost in the conversation. Charles, Lewis and Daniel make it easy for the debate to flow without his input. 

“Oh, Seb, I almost forgot! Arthur told me to tell you he loved When I Was Older! He wanted to know if it would be okay to ask you some questions later.” 

The attention shifts to Seb after Charles' words. Stupidly, he can feel his cheeks flush. “Eh, thank you. I appreciate that. Sure, send him my way when you see him.” 

“He kept talking about the plot twist for days. I still haven't finished the first one - I'm sorry, I'm such a slow reader - but yeah, Arthur thinks the sequel is even better.” 

Lewis snorts. Charles whips his head towards him, surprised. The same goes for Sebastian. Sure, the reviews for the second book in the spies series were mixed. But he thought the bad reviews were biased - the book came out at the same time his alias got revealed. 

“You did not like it?” Charles asks naively. He hasn't been sober for hours now. 

The Brit looks affronted by the idea of liking the book. “I hated it.” he spits and, yeah. Sebastian is shocked at just how much those words hurt. He has no resources to hide it, so instead, he bares his teeth in a leering smile. 

To his great surprise, Daniel joins in. “Well, of course, what Thomas did was questionable, but that made the plot twist even better.” 

Lewis is not buying what Daniel is selling. “Nah, it was stupid and made no sense, man. Why would Thomas betray his lover if-” If he is based on me. He almost blurted it out, thankfully cutting himself off before he could do something he would regret. 

Still, Sebastian averts his gaze, bashful. The tension in the air is tangible and Charles, not wired to understand bad vibes, as he calls it, asks him another question. 

“Are you working on something now?” 

Seb looks at Lewis when he lies through his teeth. “No. I think I'm quite done.” 

5.

That's the reason why, three weeks after the party, when Lewis sees a post on his insta feed with Seb's picture and BOOK ALERT in big red letters, he clicks on it. He is doubtful at first, but then it turns out that, yes, Sebastian really published a new book during the winter break. It is a poetry experiment, explains Seb himself in the interview Lewis reads through. 

Unexplainably, his hands shake as he tries to google a page where he can buy the poetry collection. When he finally finds it, he curses. Seb wrote a poetry book in fucking German. 

He has no shame and immediately calls him to ask about the translation. 

“No, I do not think it will get translated.” Seb is wary. “Why?” 

“I would like to read it, that's all.” 

Seb snorts, can't help himself. Why would you want to read it if you hate my writing so much.

“Well,” he says instead. “I've told you a long time ago German could be useful.” 

Lewis pays big bucks to the publishing house to make the translation happen in the shortest time possible. He makes sure Sebastian has no idea he is the one who pushes for the English translation and pays off everyone, so it stays that way. 

Out of all places, they are in the aeroplane when it all falls apart. 

Sebastian is returning from the bathroom when he notices what Lewis is holding. 

“Jesus, don't read that around me.”

“Why?” Lewis asks. “You don't have to be weird about it. It's great.” Lewis wouldn't say he is a poetry guy by any means. But there is something about Sebastian's words that curl off pages, sticking like caramel and breezing through his chest like a breath of fresh air. Sebastian's poetry is shockingly emotional, exposing his feelings with a sort of bravery Lewis has never felt. Most of them are reflections, sweet or poignant. Lewis can clearly see the inspiration from the Swiss nature, and the relationship with his family. It's beautiful. 

Yet the ones that cut through his heart like a burning knife are the heartbreaking stanzas of unrequited love. And even though Seb states that not all poems are inspired by a personal experience in the prologue, Lewis knows poems like these cannot be fabricated. The one he's stuck on at the moment, Absolution, makes Lewis a bit dizzy. 

In the seat across from him, Sebastian shrugs. “If you say so.” 

“I mean, these love poems, man. They must have broken your heart. How come you've never told me?” 

The pronouns sit awkwardly on his tongue, and he watches Seb squirm a bit. 

“It did not feel like there was something to talk about. It would - I don't think it could ever work between-” he pauses, hauling a slow breath through his nose. He rubs his eyes with his right hand like always when he is agitated. He also forgets to use the eyedrops for his dry eyes;  Lewis usually has to remind him. “Between him and me, I guess. I could never be the one for him.” He trips over his words.

Lewis blinks, feeling all turned out. He tries to process the words that feel too much like a confession to him. 

“I doubt that, Seb.” He says earnestly. “I doubt anyone would find you anything but-” Perfect. 

Sebastian interrupts him, a painful grimace on his face. “Just - just stop.” Suddenly, he looks exhausted and resigned all at once. “You must know, Lewis.” 

Seb is not looking at him and misses the look of utter shock on his  face. “Me?” Lewis feels like there is cotton in the back of his mouth. “But- But I-” 

“You what?” snaps Sebastian, his face closed off now. He managed to build his walls high enough that it took more than a little love confession to make them crumble. 

Lewis' head spins. There is just no way, no way that Sebastian could wax poetic about him. It's hard to breathe, and his face turns splotchy red. 

“But you've never told me. Or reacted when I tried -” 

“Oh, trust me, Lewis, I would have noticed if you had tried.” 

“Sebastian.” he says, his voice breaking with the possibilities flashing through his mind. Sebastian is brave and he can be, too. “I have loved you for years.” 

Now it's Seb's turn to look shocked. “But- You always-” he stutters, unable to finish. 

“Come here,” Lewis beacons him over and Seb sits down next to him without hesitation. Lewis leans in and caresses Seb's cheek with his right hand. “You are very silly,” he presses their lips together and the feeling of Seb relaxing completely under him makes Lewis' fingers tingly. 

+1 

“Hurry up!” Sebastian is wearing an atrocious old flannel shirt. Lewis swears he has put it in the 'donate' cabinet twice already, yet it always finds its way back. 

He walks to the table where Seb sits, a big red box in front of him. “Open it,” he instructs and Lewis opens the lid. 

“I wanted you to be the first to hold it.” 

Lewis takes out the brand-new book in awe. When he opens it, the pages smell so good he closes his eyes for a second. He flips the pages until he finds what he is looking for. The dedication says: 

Love, I've seen it all. I've seen the sunrises in Africa, the sunsets in Asia. The sun shining on the Mediterranean, the snow melting in the Alps. I've seen fireworks meant just for me, the beauty of the never-ending road. Seeing you smile beats them all. 

For Lewis.

[gay-edwardian]

My Best Attempt at Coherence Regarding Diana Taverner

First of all - I just love her hair this season. With the noticeable light streak (that both she and Tearney have in some way)? Hot. She's always so put together and elegant, I love it and I hope we one day get to see her dishevelled, because there's very little that's more attractive than someone who is very smartly-dressed and neat being completely undone and at their lowest.

She's just... such a terrible person. I love her. She's scheming and selfish and horrible and she's so witty and dry about it. She hates River and is also explicitly happy to watch Duffy and the dogs fumble around.

Before I get into the main thing that's making me want to chew drywall about her: her role in the story/series is soooooo interesting she's an antagonist but also not really because she is sort of working towards the same goal as the protagonists (she's doing the job she's doing because technically or on some level she wants to protect people), but she's also always her number one priority. She really only cares for herself and it's fabulous to watch. She's not a straight-up antagonist in any season, more of an obstacle or inconvenience, and I've only read the first book so I don't know if this next thing ever changes (don't tell me if you have read the books, I don't want to know), but she doesn't seem to be some big overarching antagonist either. Her goals cause problems but so do everyone else's, and I don't even think she thinks that what she wants is right (she's tentative allies with Peter Judd, who by her own utterance she knows is the worst), but nobody can argue that she's downright evil.

Ok but like. The dynamics between Di and literally any other character (but like. mostly Lamb and Tearney) are like... They're fabulous. With Lamb, she utterly hates him but also respects him. When he sends her information she pretends to be dismissive but also takes that information into account. She's constantly trying to get the upper hand but keeps on running into the problem that, when all's said and done, he's often better than her at these things. Sure they do different jobs, but when it comes to cleaning up her messes, he has a track record.

And I'm OBSESSED with her and Tearney (take that however you will). The mind games they're playing with each other this season! Again, I'm only three episodes in so I don't know if she's at all behind this little stunt, but if she is hoo boy she's just ruthless in the pursuit of what she wants (and it's fascinating how Diana, who is an incredibly intelligent character, is at her stupidest when she's furthering her own agenda. The s1 mess was hers, even more so in the book). And that scene between the two of them in e3?? Hello??? They're fucking. They're divorced. They want each other dead but they also want to protect each other. The delicious scene in question begins with a declaration of ultimate loyalty and sympathy from Di (with an undertone of "I want to steal your job out from under you") and it ends with "you and me" being the "collateral damage" that Ingrid wants to limit. I'm having So Many Thoughts about these two.

And also aghhhhh Kristin Scott Thomas just makes me feral

[itsclydebitches]

Tonight I came across a post (that won't hit my blog until July because I queued it) about how it's unfortunate that "fun" has supposedly become a requirement of video games, given that this severely limits how they can function as works of art. We don't limit other mediums by insisting that they only produce positive emotions and experiences in the recipient, so why would video games be any different just because they're (more) interactive?

This post isn't actually about video games, but rather how that argument got me thinking about RWBY and the recent resurgence of this "Why are you still here if you hate the show?" question. Now, setting aside the acknowledgment that 99.9% of people asking that are merely trolling behind their faux-concern—they have no actual interest in hearing a RWDE poster's reasons for sticking around, they simply want a way to say, "Get out" with plausible deniability—but if we treat this question seriously, I think that post on video games may offer some insight. I have numerous reasons for keeping active in the RWBY/RWDE fandom (initial love of the show, intellectual exercises, the community we've made, etc.) but there is also some level of investment in what would traditionally be framed as non-positive emotions. RWBY can make me feel very frustrated... similar to how playing Pathalogic makes me frustrated. Many of its plot-lines make me angry... the same way numerous video games' discriminatory writing can make me angry. RWBY's community, at times, feels like an insult-laden battlefield... but I've been doing PvP in WoW since it came out, so that's familiar too.

There are so many times when I've enjoyed engaging with a piece of media even when I really didn't enjoy it. Perhaps a better way of putting it would be that I found something worthwhile in the experience, even if I couldn't label that as "fun" or "happiness" or "satisfaction." Sometimes sitting with negative emotions is a good thing. Yes, you can take that too far just like you can take any behavior to an extreme, which is where the continual demands to "watch another show" highlight those posters' willful ignorance. We're already watching other shows. Reading other books. Playing other games. Engaging with a huge, diverse variety of art. Those who gain their own enjoyment from targeting strangers online (and isn't that a significant aspect to all this) want to make it sound like RWDE posters haven't touched a single piece of art other than RWBY in ten years and if they just found something they enjoyed without reservations then they'd drop RWBY like a hot potato. But I'm already watching numerous shows that I love unconditionally and have nothing substantial to critique; shows that have me internally kicking my feet and twirling my hair because they're just sooooooo good. I have that! RWBY is a different experience. It scratches a very specific itch of "I once adored this thing and now it's disappointing, but I want to see it through to its end and unpacking the ways in which it fails is a fascinating, cathartic mental exercise." I can't get that from anything else—not right now, anyway—so why would I want to give up this unique experience to fill my time solely with art that only makes me feel Generically Good? Art I have little to say about because it already feels #perfect to my mind? Sure, I could analyze a show's positives and sing its praises (which I often do), but at a certain point you run of out ways to say, "I like it." There's a reason why transformative fandom is built around the gaps in media: missing scenes, plot holes, retcons, failures, missed opportunities, horrible disappointments. Transformation comes more easily when you're already inclined to change the canon in the first place.

Idk, I feel like there's also an element of purity culture here where there's this push to make people think they must only engage with art that aligns precisely with their moral stance, produces only positive emotions, and invites nothing but praise. If the art makes you feel bad in any way than it is bad and you have a duty to remove yourself from it post-haste just ignore that we wanted you gone the whole time. Frankly, I think we humans can handle a bit more complexity than that? Obviously, as said, you wouldn't want to make Art You're Upset With the be-all and end-all of your media engagement, and this certainly isn't a call for anyone to engage with triggers unless they're inclined to do so, but a story you're primarily here to critique, or—yes—even a bit of hate watching can be "fun" in a non-traditionally fun away. Just because the art hasn't made you grin and pump your fist in triumphant doesn't mean it's not worth interacting with as art.

[admiralfluffy]

Shipgirl Appreciation Thread -Akagi

Well, said I was gonna do this, and who better to start with than the Prime Waifu herself, Akagi. My journey with Akagi starts a few decades before she's introduced in Azur Lane. Back when I was but a youth, my budding interest in the Pacific War brought me to a little movie called Tora! Tora! Tora! Of course, we see the flagship of the Kido Butai, Akagi. Her design was so unique compared to almost any other carrier, and I found myself fascinated with her. I found just about every book in the English language on Akagi over the years(not that there are that many, sadly). I had a 1/700 waterline model of her, if it had Akagi, I had an interest. (Except for Pearl Harbor, that movie is BAD). So, fast forward a few decades, and a friend of mine says, "Hey, there's this new game that turns WW2 ships into cute anime girls". My interest piqued, I downloaded the game and started playing. And there, on the first real level, was Akagi, setting fire to my base(and my heart). I was immediately taken by her design and her confident demeanor, and the more I learned about her, the more I fell in love. She's a little crazy, yes, but in a fun way. She makes it very clear that despite being just a tiny bit obsessed with you, she will never do anything to upset you, and if you choose to be with someone else, she accepts that as long as you understand and accept her love for you. Of course, if you choose her(which you should), she's loving, devoted, and has chains specially prepared just for you. Isn't that sweet?(Yes, yes it is) She's also utterly devoted to her people and her family, something I really respect, even if she makes some bad choices as a result of it. Doing the wrong thing for the right reasons always gets a few points in my book. She straddles the line between crazy fun and just plain crazy like a pro, and it's been fun watching her progress both in the story and through her skin lines. Her skins, speaking of, are all breathtakingly beautiful and have gotten better and better as time goes on. My current favorite is her party dress skin. Perfect blend of classy and sexy.

And, in the end, Akagi saved my writing career. At that point, I had been writing for a few years, even getting myself published in a few fanzines, only to get a response of utter silence. I'd get a like here and there, maybe one random comment, but even when I asked for feedback, the most I would receive is a collective shrug. I felt like my writing wasn't good enough, wasn't memorable, didn't draw anyone in. And with this profound lack of interest, I decided I'd give up writing. Before I did that, however, I was going to roll the dice one last time. I wrote a simple one-shot fic called New Year's Resolution, about a Commander and Akagi on New Year's Eve and put it up on Reddit. I figured if nobody reads it, then at least I went out writing about a character I love. But people did read it, and they liked and commented and wanted more. So I wrote more. And I grew and grew as I wrote until I am leaps and bounds better now than when I started this AL fanfiction journey four years ago. Any success I have in writing, I owe to Akagi. I've always loved her, and I always will.

[dolphyn]

I’ve been following the development of yandere simulator from the sidelines for years and years, since nearly the beginning of the project. I don’t know that I ever considered myself an actual “fan” considering I never actually played the game or joined the fandom— I really just watched the development videos, read the posts on the development blog and checked up on it from time to time out of curiosity because I found the concept of the game itself morbidly intriguing as well as being interested by such an open development process. And every few months I would remember it existed and check back to see how far along it was, growing ever more amazed with every passing year that it still wasn’t even close to being finished.

I would also check out the game’s official website and was fascinated by the debunk page the dev put up. It seemed so odd and out of place and full of the most ridiculous things. What were people looking into the game for the first time supposed to think upon seeing an extensive page full of weird drama like that, running into it on the official game website?

I still found the game concept interesting, even if I knew I myself would never play it. I knew I would probably watch letsplays of it to sate my curiosity if it ever came out. And so I was ambivalent about the dev himself because I could pretty easily separate him from my casual interest in the game. I thought of him as a guy with some interesting ideas who was really really really bad at planning and prioritizing and delegation and receiving criticism and dealing with hate… and though I didn’t admire him, I felt sympathy for him. Nobody’s perfect, right? And I still do think people that did things like send him pictures of gore and animal abuse or told him to kill himself were doing unforgivable things for petty enjoyment.

And so while I took a lot of his debunking with a grain of salt and eye rolling when it was obvious he was in the wrong despite frustrating circumstances pushing him to say stupid things, I also figured it wasn’t that big a deal and everyone was getting up in arms over things that ultimately didn’t matter. And when I would see YandereDev hate crop up, discussing the long development time, his inefficient code, his continued Patreon earnings… I rolled my eyes at that too, figuring that people were piling on some ultimately harmless dude who was taking forever to release a game he was letting people play for free so it didn’t really matter. Again, as I was really only a casual observer from the sidelines, I didn’t look deeply into anything and I simply made assumptions.

I don’t even know what compelled me to visit the development blog this week, but I was immediately met with his “I’m Sorry” blog post, which obviously caught my attention— as I’m sure it caught the attention of thousands of people just like me who only had a casual interest in the game and developer and held a neutral stance on the guy himself.

I read it. I’d read tons of his debunking and drama-addressing posts over the years where he went over all the intricacies of whatever latest thing he’d been accused of and pointed the blame elsewhere. But this was different. He was sorry, he was taking accountability, he was admitting that he screwed up and did something so horribly wrong that it was costing him all his volunteers and supporters. This was huge. This is undoubtedly the final nail in the coffin for the game at last.

But of course, as I read it, I thought “wow, that’s terrible. But at least he finally had the guts to own up to it and really apologize, which is more than most people in his position do— and more than he’s ever done in the past when addressing controversies. Sucks for him that a mistake like that ruined all these long years of work… but at least he seems to realize it was his own doing, and hopefully now he can get some help and change for the better, blah blah blah”.

Basically, exactly the reaction he was hoping to draw from neutral parties like me. He presented everything so perfectly. Admitting right off the bat that he messed up. Explaining the situation and interjecting to remind the audience that what he did was not okay despite the justifications he found himself making. Making a large donation with the caveat that he knew it didn’t erase what he did and that actions speak louder than words. And then linking to the victim’s statement she made stating that she approached him, that she does not feel traumatized, and that the video accusing him was posted against her wishes and she thinks that everything got blown out of proportion.

With no further context than that, it’s a pretty cut and dry case, right? He made a huge mistake, owned up to it, made a sizable donation, and the victim wasn’t a victim at all and the one making the callout in the first place was disrespecting and hurting the victim by posting whatever video it was he was referring to. But there’s no need to watch the video because he already explained himself thoroughly in the blog post. And anyway, searching for the video and watching it will only fuel the flames and make things worse for the victim!

And so anyone reading that post, who had not heard of any of the allegations beforehand, would obviously come away from it thinking YandereDev made the mistake of becoming platonic friends with a 16 year old girl and invited her to group voice chats where he and his adult friends made inappropriate jokes with each other, never really considering the implications of the 16 year old in their midst hearing their jokes. And that the girl’s friends pressured her into releasing a manipulative video on a drama channel that took his jokes out of context in order to gain clout and take down a guy they hated for the views. And that these fake friends manipulated her and disrespected her wishes and ruined her life and are the real villains of this whole story. Because YandereDev took accountability and apologized and admitted it was all true.

He did this expecting that everyone who saw the blog post first would not seek out the video. Because you would be horrible if you did, right? The victim didn’t want it out there! And anyway, Dev already admitted to making these jokes and agreed that it wasn’t okay! So there’s no point in watching the video unless, of course, you’re morbidly curious about what exactly he said that was being construed as so bad that all his volunteers and voice actors are finally cutting ties with him for good.

Well, I was morbidly curious.

And despite feeling guilty for seeking out the video that the victim apparently didn’t want out there, I found myself searching for it anyway. And I found it immediately. And upon clicking it, several things became immediately obvious.

YandereDev said it was made by a drama YouTuber, but one look at her channel told me she was a gaming YouTuber and scrolling through her videos, it was obvious that she had never posted anything like this before. So already, I had been misled on one point. Then upon reading the pinned comment, it became obvious that the video had, at one point, been taken down by the victim’s request… and then reuploaded also at her request. The victim had changed her mind and now supported the video, which YandereDev did not see fit to update his blog readers on, happy to let them continue believing that the victim did not support the callout and didn’t want anyone seeing the video. So now, relieved of my guilt and suspicious of these two counts of manipulation on YandereDev’s part that became immediately obvious upon a few seconds of research, I watched the video.

And it’s amazing how having the full context of a situation can make you do a complete 180.

Upon watching the video, hearing the voice chats for myself, and— most damning— reading the Snapchat logs… it was incredibly obvious that YandereDev had completely downplayed and misrepresented the situation to put himself in a less heinous light. Because it’s one thing to make the mistake of letting a teenager overhear you and your friends make some dirty jokes together because you consider them a platonic friend who’s “one of the guys”— which is how he described the situation on his blog. It’s another thing entirely to have a private voice chat with a 16 year old girl (who is implicitly high on presumably marijuana and unable to legally consent to anything— regardless of age) and repeatedly call her cute (unprompted), tell her that she’s hot because she’s skinny (unprompted), ask if she wants to take your virginity, repeatedly ask in a teasing tone if you’re a “bad guy” for talking to her that way, and then (unprompted) go on a long ramble about how puberty sexualizes minors and implicitly say that it’s okay for people to find children sexy as soon as they begin developing breasts and wide hips because that’s how nature works. Which he did not mention on his blog post.

What he also did not mention were the Snapchat logs where he was again having a completely private conversation with a 16 year old girl completely devoid of these “guys” that she was apparently “one of”. He did not mention that he privately told a 16 year old girl that being attracted to a 17 year old was 96% okay and acceptable. He did not mention that he privately told a 16 year old girl that it would be erotic if she sent him videos of herself dressing/undressing. He did not mention that he privately told a 16 year old girl that if she sent nudes to him that he would keep them a secret. He did not mention that he privately told a 16 year old girl who was offering to send him nude photos that he couldn’t explicitly ask for her to send him nudes, but that he liked hot ladies, wink wink. He did not mention that he privately told a 16 year old girl that he was not emotionally available for a romantic relationship and that the only thing he could get out of their continued correspondence were photos of her for him to masturbate to.

But, you know. Those are the exact same sorts of jokes he probably makes with all his 30-something guy friends all the time, right? I can just picture him telling his goofy man friends that it would be erotic if they sent him videos of themselves undressing for him to masturbate to. Goofy jokes! He pals around with his friends like that all the time, and it’s really no different that he said the same things to a 16 year old girl! He wasn’t even thinking about the implications of such goofy silly jokes! Which is why he repeatedly brought up her age and promised to keep things a secret and responded to her concerns about child porn and mentioned that if she kept screenshots of the conversation she could use them to condemn him someday! Silly jokes he did not realize the implications of!

So by this time I’m obviously horrified, right? As any normal human being would be. Sick to my stomach that I almost rolled my eyes and went on with my day thinking YandereDev was a flawed person who ultimately wanted to make up for a dumb mistake he made that could have happened to anybody— exactly what he hoped I would do. And then I got to the part where he started begging the victim not to let the video get released.

And that was the most damning of all. It’s sickly funny how he linked to the victim’s Reddit statement where she showed screenshots of Ally begging her to go through with the video, calling her words disgusting and manipulative. Even if Ally WAS being manipulative… you only need to compare it to what YandereDev said to the victim to see how night and day it is. I’m not gonna pretend anybody in this situation is 100% perfectly blameless and made perfect decisions… but there is somebody who is very clearly MORE in the wrong. To the point where he was coaching her on what to say to her friends, weaponizing her status as the victim. Did he seriously not understand the irony of telling her to say “It is my right as the victim and what I say goes, no questions asked”? I don’t even need to go into any of it because all you have to do is watch it and everything becomes disgustingly crystal clear.

Which is why YandereDev didn’t want anybody to watch it. Because anybody that did would come to the correct conclusion that he’s a disgusting predator. But he couldn’t stop the video from coming out and he knew it was impossible to deny the truth of the recordings… and he did damage control in the most effective way he could. When his last-ditch desperate effort to manipulate the victim into stopping the video from coming out failed, he had to issue an apology. And it had to be a good one. One that was good enough that nobody would look further into the situation. One that was good enough that people wouldn’t bother to search for the video and hear the recordings and see his words for themselves. One that made himself out to be a guy who made a stupid mistake— a mistake easy to sympathize with and understand— that he was horrified by and taking full accountability for. And once people see that, they take him at his word. After all, he clearly has nothing to hide considering he admitted to it, right?

Thank god for morbid curiosity.

Anyway… all of this to say that because of my experience, I felt like all his fans and supporters who were fooled by him deserved to know the full truth and come to their own conclusions like I did. After all, you look through the comments on his blog post and they’re full of people who were just like me: disappointed, but ultimately respecting that he owned up to his mistake and believing he can get better, so they’re still supporting him. People who want to believe the best in others. People who believe people can change. People who dislike cancel culture. People who ultimately have good intentions. People who I think would change their tunes real quick if they actually saw the video.

And so, after years of following the blog from the sidelines, I finally made my first post, making sure to word it as neutrally as possible and in a way that would get even blind supporters to consider the idea:

“I believe that most of the people in this comment section— and browsing the comments without leaving any themselves— are good people. That they are sympathetic and empathetic and ultimately want to do the right thing and make the right calls. I believe that of most people in general. I think it’s a noble thing to forgive when you’ve been wronged. Of course, none of us have been personally wronged in this situation, so it is not actually up to us to do any forgiving, only to pass judgment for ourselves and make decisions as to how we personally feel and wish to proceed.

So to anyone reading this comment: I believe that, most likely, you consider yourself a reasonable, rational, independent individual who is able to look at all the facts of a situation and come to your own conclusions independently. And so you’ve read this apology and you’ve also likely looked at the screenshots he linked of the victim’s statement and drawn your conclusions from there.

But if you really want to consider yourself truly informed— If you really want to be sure you have all the facts so nobody can try and upset you by claiming you don’t know what’s going on— I strongly encourage you to watch the video he is referring to and listen to the voice recordings and read the Snapchat logs for yourself. Even if it is only to confirm for yourself that the video is indeed edited in a manipulative way and so you can find more out about this mysterious YouTuber who uploaded it and draw your own conclusions as to why she did it. I encourage you to watch it in its entirety, as I am sure you read YandereDev’s apology in its entirety. It is likely that many who have seen the video have not bothered to read YandereDev’s response or read the victim’s Reddit comments. If only to get a leg up on such people, I encourage everyone here to see for themselves what the other side of this situation is saying. Only then will you be able to decide fully for yourself to put your support behind YandereDev and his game. If you come to this conclusion independently upon seeing all sides of the situation, it will only serve to make your support all the stronger. Of course, there is a chance that upon seeing all the evidence, you may also independently decide that you do not accept the apology and wish to withdraw your support. You will never know unless you watch the video and know the situation in its entirety instead of only seeing part of the conversation. I believe none of you willingly want to be part of an echo chamber.

He did not link to the video, but the one he is referring to is by a YouTuber named AllyMcC. She does not appear to be a drama YouTuber, but appears to be a gaming YouTuber. As far as I can tell, this is the only video of this nature she has ever posted on this particular channel, having only posted LetsPlays before this. The video was taken down at the request of the victim, but then put back up also by request of the victim if the screenshots she provided in the pinned comment can be believed. So if you are worried you are harming the victim by watching the video, it seems that she no longer disapproves of the video and now supports it. The video is called “The New Allegations and Evidence Against YandereDev”. It is easy to find through YouTube’s search function.

YandereDev admits here in this post that everything he said aloud and typed as shown in this video is real. In his edit discussing fake screenshots, he seems to be referring to ones cropping up in other videos discussing the situation such as a Discord screenshot of his discussions with a 12 year old involving her period, which has been proven to be fake. Another one you might see in other videos is one where he suggests giving people free merch if they provide him with nude photographs, which has also been proven to be fake. Neither of these false screenshots are used in AllyMcC’s video. Everything in her video was admitted here in this very blog post to be real things that he said, including the Snapchat logs. If the Snapchat logs were fake, I believe wholeheartedly that YandereDev would have mentioned it here, as he is historically very thorough about debunking anything he didn’t actually say. If you believe his apology, then you must also believe his admission that he really said everything showcased in the video.

All of that said, I again encourage anyone reading this comment that has not watched the video to look into it and come to your own conclusion for your own peace of mind one way or another. The only way truth can prevail is by looking at every single piece of evidence provided so that falsehoods can be sorted out. Please watch the video and read the entirety of YandereDev’s blog post. Only then will you have the full story. There is obviously a lot of nuance to the situation and many shades of grey, but I believe that people deserve to see everything and sort out for themselves how they feel. Neither YandereDev nor AllyMcC can tell you how you feel or what action to take, or whether to forgive or not to forgive, support or not support. Only you can, by making a fully informed decision.

I hope this comment is not deleted, as it is only meant to encourage the readers of this blog to see the situation in its entirety and independently decide how they feel from there.”

My comment never made it past moderation. I suppose it makes sense. The whole point of the blog post was worded very specifically to manipulate readers into NOT searching for the video and coming to their own conclusions… so a comment actively encouraging this could not ever be allowed lest YandereDev lose the few supporters he has left. If you look through the comments that DID survive moderation, you will see they are uniformly supportive. Many of them express that they are disappointed, that what he did was wrong… but ultimately they’re glad he apologized and hope the game can continue and that they understand everyone makes mistakes and can move on from them. Of the current 377 comments on the blog that haven’t been censored, not a single one of them provides any indication that the commenter watched the video, and that they took YandereDev’s blog post and his link to the victim’s Reddit thread at complete face value. However, there are comments expressing that somebody should make an exposé on ALLY to show how manipulative SHE is… which is hilarious, as that would involve watching her video. So I hope people see that comment and think “I should do that, I better gather evidence” and end up watching the video and seeing the context they missed.

Anyway, this has been long and rambling, but this whole thing has been swirling around in my head for the past 3 days and I really just needed to get it all out. Moral of the story is… It’s important to do your research, people. No matter how much you think you know, no matter how little you think you can learn from someone you’re positive you won’t agree with, it always pays to get all sides of a story before committing to a position.

[cosmos-dot-semicolon]

As someone who loves Inscryption despite its flaws I GOTTA know: what are your thoughts on its faults? I've seen you vague post about it and I'm so curious (also, hi!)

hiiiii :3 Lovely to see you reach out after you seeing you always pop up in the tags :D

To be clear, I still like Inscryption despite its flaws. It’s *interesting* as a piece of art, and that’s way better than a game that just technically checks off all the boxes of being playable. Like, I’ve been able to write several thousand words’ worth of a video essay script on this game, covering both the good and bad. It’s that fascinating to me.

Since I don’t want to unload 40 minutes’ worth of text on you here, I’ll just say my main thesis is that the game brushes up against a ton of genuinely cool ideas, but the developer never seems to notice them because he’s too married to the way things were done in Pony Island, and what people who like Meta Games expect. And Inscryption keeps so much info in the dark that you only realise this at the end.

The genre shifts are the biggest sticking point for me. If you know the developer already (or have watched someone else play the game), you’re perfectly fine with them being there. But if you’re someone like me who played the demo and then jumped in blind, you’re going to be burned by the shift to act 2 (and to Luke), which is nothing you would expect from the wonderful aesthetic act 1 mostly relies on. Even though I *like* both act 1 and 2, I kind of have to like them for separate things (i.e. a beautifully haunting roguelike based off forest folklore vs a deckbuilder exploring the worst art-kid polycule divorce you’ve ever seen).

The culmination of this is Kaycee’s mod, which I love, but is an implicit admission that the creator didn’t actually know his own strengths. An endless mode to only one third of your game is not a common thing to add in after launch, especially if you’re not early-access.

Then in act 2, outside of its lore, the game’s theme becomes the idea of games as art. The Scrybes are both multi-faceted characters in their own right and proxies of game design philosophies.

Leshy is the visceral experience of being in another world, while his actual game is pretty janky. Grimora is pure fun (which is a great contrast against her death aesthetic). P03 is the very specific way some designers get obsessed with game mechanics above all else and produce the most mid games you’ve ever seen. Magnificus is spectacle to the point it’s stupidly hard to actually play his deck.

Throughout both takeovers, there are always items or mechanics from the other Scrybes popping up. The stand-alone campaigns are arguably better than act 2 because they’re much more focused, yet Leshy and P03 both still can’t escape the influence of their colleagues.

This is all extremely interesting characterisation and commentary on game design that all goes unsaid. And as much as I dislike Luke Carder’s plot, I’ve spoken before about how the themes his story touch on would be a fantastic fit for that meta-commentary.

All this is great, self-contained within act 2. But the way the finale (and arguably act 3’s more lore-based segments) are written afterwards implies that wasn’t intentional at all. The culmination of this game is that all the Scrybes get deleted and go out in a sudden bombastic finale like in Pony Island and then 😱 maybe this guy shouldn’t have looked for secrets… Because now he’s dead IRL…

And it’s like. Okay? Sure. That looked cool I think. But what is the point of the story then, exactly?

So much happens in so little time in the finale. The writing is basically speedrunning all 3 of the remaining Scrybes’ arcs, and then has to reveal the OLD_DATA affecting Luke, and then has to show him getting killed. And you still don’t know what’s going on.

Then you go looking online for secrets and read that actually the evil glitch thing that was mentioned maybe twice in act 2 was important, and was the entire motivation for the plot. Also everything’s technically linked to the dev’s other games.

And I just. Do not think that is interesting at all, compared to the more carefully designed, and more character and theme-driven stories.

Daniel Mullins' work is unique in how whole-heartedly he includes meta elements, and I just think it's a shame he didn't take the opportunity to explore further beyond his usual comfort zone, as you might've expected from how different Inscryption's aesthetic is to his other games.

It should also not have taken that long to get to the point if the main story was a straight-forward evil artefact plot. Which the creator has already done in a more concise game years ago.

I think Kaycee’s mod tackles a lot of Inscryption's main issues, and I’m loving its smaller plot and more consistent pacing more than whatever the fuck was going on with Luke. But objectively I think it’s a big ask to force people to go through like. Everything after act 1. So they can play a potentially better version of the game.

[farfromdaylight]

some thoughts on the first couple hours of ff13, after picking it up for the first time in a decade

it's fun how much the party 1) doesn't know each other and 2) doesn't like each other! it's very different for a JRPG for the party to just NOT get along to this degree. the only people out of the initial 5 who even know each other are lightning and snow, and lightning has VERY good reason to dislike snow on the outset. the rest are just complete strangers! it's such a fun dynamic.

the dialogue does a perfectly fine job of explaining what l'cie are. like, they explicitly tell you multiple times. fal'cie is a little more murky, but even then, it's not hard to figure out.

that said, the opening is pretty slow in both story and gameplay. not having any magic makes sense for the world, but it makes the game very dull to play for a good 90 minutes. i think if it was remade today they'd streamline it a lot more, because while it's a fine tutorial, there are genuinely too many encounters before you actually get your magic powers.

hope's motivation is pretty thin from the beginning, tbh. watching your mom get killed and being understandably upset about it is perfectly serviceable as a motivation, but then hope runs into snow and doesn't confront him right away. i actually think hope is written quite well, better than i remembered — he comes across as an emotional teenager rather than someone making logical, rational decisions. but if you don't give the character that grace i can understand finding him frustrating.

snow is almost intolerable. i'm really leaning hard on the memory that i liked him a lot more in lightning returns, because he is so fucking annoying in the opening here. calling yourself a hero when there's absolutely no evidence of you being one (and in fact clear evidence that you're NOT a hero) is just obnoxious. also, snow's friend group just comes across as a bunch of weirdos than characters i want to know more about.

vanille is also a weirdo, but at least i know that's wholly intended. i really like the subtle touch of her already having 3 ATB bars when you get to play her initially.

the overall choice to start the game where it does makes sense from a gameplay perspective — it's where the fighting actually starts — but weakens the overall narrative, IMO. FF13 begins in medias res and leans hard on the fact that there were 13 days of prior events that culminated in the Purge... but since the player has no knowledge of all this and a lot of the background isn't immediately clear, it makes for a harder sell. i personally very much enjoy the storytelling in this game, but i can understand why others don't. it requires you to put the narrative together as you go.

once you actually get your magic powers, the game takes off like a rocket. the gameplay remains SO much fucking fun. it's a fascinating evolution of turn-based combat and it works SO well. i do remember how long it'll be until i have 3 party members again, and that part of it is a drag, but the actual combat is so enjoyable i hardly mind.

the game still looks gorgeous. i'm playing on steamdeck and am frequently amazed at how good it looks. obviously the FMVs are still incredible, but the ingame models look SO far ahead of their time, to say nothing of the environments. (also, the fact that i can play a PS3/360 game on handheld and have it Just Work is like magic to me.)

there are so many save points! this is hardly important, but it's making me laugh because i really didn't remember there being a save point around every corner. it's certainly convenient, though!

i don't know how much of it i'm going to play — i'm really supposed to be playing new games right now, not replays — but at the same time i've had SUCH a good time revisiting it that i may carry on for a while yet. we'll see!

[darchildre]

Gentlemen and Players

(Got distracted and so didn't get to part 1 before part 2 arrived, so I am posting about both parts at once.)

Hey everybody, get excited - it's cricket time! Everything I know about cricket, I learned from E W Hornung and Dorothy Sayers. Here is the sum total of my cricket knowledge: Raffles and Lord Peter are Good At It. That's it; that's all I've got.

Thing 1:

"Cricket," said Raffles, "like everything else, is good enough sport until you discover a better. As a source of excitement it isn't in it with other things you wot of, Bunny, and the involuntary comparison becomes a bore. What's the satisfaction of taking a man's wicket when you want his spoons?

The line about the spoons is so funny to me. I realize that fancy flatware is worth stealing and fencing or whatever but it's still so funny.

Being a gentleman thief who steals jewelry: daring, classy, dare I say, 'sexy'.

Being a gentleman thief who steals spoons: just the silliest thing.

Also very funny is Raffles pouting in his terrible straw hat about the cricket not going his way not five paragraphs after saying he doesn't care at all about it. Thank god someone properly illustrated this ridiculous moment.

Thing 2: "A young gentleman of the exquisite type," huh, Bunny? Bunny my Bunny, no matter how hard you try, you are not good at pretending to be straight.

Thing 3: Oh, poor Bunny, who is now more worried about being humiliated on the cricket field than he is about committing a crime. Let's be real - I too would much rather rob someone than be watched while miserably (and inevitably) failing at a sporting event. Bunny's a better man than I, because I would probably have faked a dire illness or an overseas trip or something to get out of playing sports in front of people, no matter how in love with Raffles I was.

Thing 4: Raffles' weird moral/ethical code is so fascinating. It would be the height of rudeness to rob one's host. But if you're invited somewhere solely because you're good at cricket, then you're practically being treated as an employee which a) is an insult and b) makes you not really a guest. And therefore it's not only acceptable (if still a bit tacky) but almost compulsory to rob said host, as revenge for the insult he's given you.

Thing 5: Aww, Bunny has decided this time not to get cranky that Raffles isn't telling him things, after Raffles rescued him last time! Very cute - let's see how long that resolution lasts.

Also extremely cute is Raffles' little training regimen of fishing and impromptu games of catch. One hopes they alleviate Bunny's anxiety about sports at least a little.

Thing 6:

...we found an enormous house-party assembled, including more persons of pomp, majesty, and dominion than I had ever encountered in one room before. I confess I felt overpowered. Our errand and my own presences combined to rob me of an address upon which I have sometimes plumed myself...

Because we only ever see Bunny with Raffles and therefore almost always at some point in the commission of a crime, we always see Bunny rattled and anxious, rather than in his element. It's interesting to imagine Bunny at his ease, who is apparently charming, personable and fun at parties. Probably, were he not worried about the police, he and Miss Melhuish might have ended up having a lot of fun gossiping about everyone else at the party. Miss Melhuish is clearly having a lot of fun imagining burglars with him and thinking about whose jewelry she would steal if she had the chance.

Also, the hilarious fear-inspired arrogance of thinking that he and Raffles are "two well-known London thieves" the presence of whom the police might have been alerted to! You have pulled at most three* whole jobs together, Bunny, and haven't run into the police on any of them. You are, as yet, the opposite of "well-known thieves". Literally no one knows about you.

Thing 7: Raffles taking his shoes off so that he can pace properly without bothering other people in the house and worrying (if only a little) if smoking inside is allowed is very cute. I love how excited he gets at the idea of both observing some 'professional' criminals and also beating both them and the police.

Also very cute is Bunny replying to his "My dear Bunny" with his own "My dear A.J.", the very first time we've seen Bunny call him that.

Thing 8:

I had still enough of the honest man in me to welcome the postponement of our actual felonies, to dread their performance, to deplore their necessity: which is merely another way of stating the too patent fact that I was an incomparably weaker man than Raffles, while every whit as wicked. I had, however, one rather strong point. I possessed the gift of dismissing unpleasant considerations, not intimately connected with the passing moment, entirely from my mind. Through the exercise of this faculty I had lately been living my frivolous life in town with as much ignoble enjoyment as I had derived from it the year before; and similarly, here at Milchester, in the long-dreaded cricket-week, I had after all a quite excellent time.

A) The idea that it would be a better and almost more noble thing to actually fully commit to being a criminal rather than the wishy-washy state that Bunny currently finds himself in is going to come up more prominently in later stories, but it's interesting that Bunny is already thinking about it, at least a little.

B) Except that we are talking about Bunny 'my greatest strength is not thinking about stuff I find unpleasant until I absolutely have to' Manders, so no conclusions will be reached at this time.

Thing 9: Awww, Bunny actually does all right at cricket! Good for him. I like that he and Miss Melhuish are continuing to be house-party friends as well and that she "said pretty things to [him]" about the cricket. (Sorry, miss, he's very cute but also very taken.)

Thing 10: Awww part 2, Bunny hearing Mackenzie grabbing someone in the hallway in the middle of the night, clearly thinking it's Raffles who's been caught, and flinging the door open to valiantly rush to the rescue! I mean, it isn't Raffles needing rescuing at all, but by god, he tried. Don't worry, Bunny - someday you will actually manage to heroically come to Raffles' rescue, I promise.

And also we get our first example of Bunny being surprisingly effective at unarmed melee combat but only when he's startled/panicking.

Thing 11: And then, our first properly happy ending, where everyone gets what they wanted: Bunny gets to feel a little heroic and like he's done something good, and Raffles gets to feel clever and to walk off with the best of the shiny things, and they both presumably get enough money to continue not having real jobs. Applause all round!

Thing 12: Raffles did not in any way need Bunny for this job. He does nothing to facilitate the robbery and any help he provides in distracting or hindering the professional criminals is purely coincidental and could have been expected of any of the other members of the house party. Bunny is not useful and it is, in fact, more work to get him to the house: Raffles has to lie to his host about Bunny's cricket skills and then scurry off to clandestinely play catch with him to get him even close to faking it.

Raffles just prefers having Bunny around, is the thing. If there's a chance of something fun/exciting happening, Bunny should be around for it. And if the party turns out to be boring and there's no opportunity for crime, at least Bunny will be there to hang out with.

It's easier to tell that Bunny is smitten, because he tells us all the time, but Raffles is totally head over heels for his rabbit as well. He's just slightly subtler about it because he's not the narrator.

Both Raffles movies from the 1930s are based loosely on this story (and its sequel, "The Return Match"). I cannot in fairness recommend either of them as good adaptations - they are both so straight that they feel they have to give Raffles a girlfriend - but the 1930 version is at least kinda fun, and Bunny gets to tackle a dude in his pajamas.** The 1939 version is a remake starring David Niven and Olivia de Havilland and I love both of them but it has been hit super hard by the Hays Code - barely has a Bunny at all, and Raffles has to turn himself in at the end, because the Code didn't allow people to be shown profiting from a crime. It's a bit depressing, really.

They're not terrible movies and are a bit worth seeing as curiosities if nothing else, but maybe just watch the 1970s tv show instead.

*Depending on where you think "Out of Paradise" fits in the chronology.

**How the dude got into Bunny's pajamas, I'll never know. /Groucho Marx impression