#also why do i have better breath control while drunk wtF

[sly-merlin]

killing me- 9

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre :    angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au , smut

warnings of this chapter : smut, drinking ,mention of weapons

words :: 7k

summary : “life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  

or              

                    “  curiousity got the cat hitched”

taglist :: (not tagging the old ones because they have read it already bt if u want , lemme know! )  @yiyi4657​ @sorrywonwoo​ @sillywinnergladiator​​ @suhweo​​ @exfolitae​ @minejungwoo​ @leesalts​  @mal-nakamoto23​ @ro2424​

@kafenetwork​​​​ @neowritingsnet​​​​

K.M masterlist

K.M 8  next

note:: unedited! i’m a bit busy so i’ll try to edit it before sleep!

“yuta.”

“bake up.”

Yuta groaned at the foreign force shaking him repeatedly. He moved, crashing his face further into the sheets, swatting the alien hands away from himself.

“wake up you horse!” this time yuta heard the gurgling voice a bit more clearly. Someone was trying to disturb his sleep. Staying on his stomach and titling his half body to face the uninvited guest, he made out a face that matched johnnys. His face fell flat on the mattress again until he realised what or whom he has seen! He jolted upright, squatting, to face johnny.

“what are you doing here.” He mumbled with eyes still closed, stretching his arms on the sheets.

“it’s 1p.m!why you still sleeping dude?” johnny’s exasperated voice sounded too loud to yuta’s morning self. Or afternoon!

“It’s m-” a long yawn stretched his mouth into an oval shape, that he didn’t mind covering “its my house. I’ll do whatever I want but what are you even doing here?” he completed quietly.

“why are you still sleeping. You weren’t even drunk. Get up and tell me where is y/n!”

“so you are not here for me!” yuta pouted at johnny before throwing himself on the bed again, covering himself with sheets.

“what the fuck yuta! You are not a baby and tell me where is she? Did you even drive her back?” johnny asked sternly, removing his layer of protection.

“the only thing I can assure is that I wanna sleep more. And about your big fat crush! She certainly came back with me but she was crying so I won’t be surprised if she left already.” As soon as yuta’s almost inaudible words reached johnny’s ears, he jogged outside the room, checking the lock of your room. He sighed in relief at the secured lock. You didn’t leave and he was glad.

Johnny noticed your movements when you signed those papers. He was cursing at himself for not interfering but not like it’d have made any difference! The best he could do was to make sure you were fine at the end. Regardless of the fact that your phone was switched off, he was trying it continuously since yesterday night. Countless phone calls and messages but all were futile. His anger on taeyong was just fuelling by your ignorance.

Annoyingly, he fisted his hair before going for yuta’s room again.

“is she in university right now?” he asked yuta, who was looking like a dead body with an open mouth.

“bloody hell nakamoto! Wake up!” he shouted at him, this time the sheets were tossed on the floor.

“johnny babes, just track her. Don’t shout at me. I didn’t do anything this time.”

“you seriously ate your ethics yuta. I’m not needed there so I’m staying until she’s back.” Johnny declared, making his way outside on the couches.

“not needed my ass john suh. Ate my ethics! Says the one who’s seducing his own sister-in-law.” He only muttered before drifting back into paradise.

johnny just sat there in front of the t.v, mindlessly waiting for you, unknown guilt corroding his mind and heart.

***************

Doyeon and mingi’s whispering felt like a hammer to your head. The incessant pounding was the result of some expensive alcohol and the stupid tears. If exams were not approaching in two weeks, you’d have stayed longer to sulk but their future was as important as yours and only one more week was left so you just sucked it up. Now you were eating the lunch brought by mingi while testing them for exam.

“civil laws suck.” Mingi exclaimed, hitting doyeon on the arm.

“no! your brain sucks.” Doyeon reiterated, poking his head with her pencil.

“wtf doyie! My brain is totally packed up to the brim. if you love it so much, then tell me the answer of question 6!” a smug smile made its way to mingi’s lips.

“what’s wrong with no.6 mingi?” you questioned, perplexed as there was no difficulty in the paper yet he was still looking here and there.

“umm. Non bis in idem! It’s not given anywhere. Right?” he hesitantly asked for he knew he was wrong, somewhere.

“what was the paper you wrote last time?” you tried not to unleash your anger on them, so you kept your voice as low as possible.

“double jeopardy!”

“and?”

“and?”

“what the heck mingi! Didn’t you mention the legal maxim of dj?”

“maybe not!”

“what kind of law student forgets about legal maxims duffus! Non bis in idem means double jeopardy.” You reprimanded him tiredly, not in the mood to put up much fight with him.

“sorry” he said, head hung low.

“don’t be mingi. I won’t gain anything from this. you need to study for yourself. now complete this before I give you a subjective test. Double prep is always good. Hurry up!”

A collective musical groan leaves them both, as they tend to their paper again, you drowning yourself in your own books.

*******************

Johnny and yuta were engrossed in a football match when you entered the hallway. Upon noticing you, johnny sighed in disbelief, before making his way to you.

“why is your phone switched off?” he fumed at you, hands on his waist as you poured water for yourself.

“It wasn’t charged so I left it here.” he knew he wasn’t doing his utmost in containing his irritation and your casual tone just took him off guard.

“you jus- you should have charged it dammit. I was fucking worried that something happened to you and what kind of girl travels without a phone these days!” his hand ruined his already messy hair as he ranted, the reason of which was beyond your understanding.

“it’s not that big of an issue besides I’m not clearly out of reach right!” you scoffed at him, pointing to your arm where the bracelet was hidden, under the sleeves. You didn’t mean to sound rude at his concern but his position was no better .You had every right to be querulous!

“i-you don’t understand. i just wanted a reply from you. it’s the least I deserve! Or don’t i?” his voice went down as his face lost the previous stern expression.

“I saw my phone only this morning and I was getting late so didn’t bother!” you shrugged your shoulders at him, making your way for the room.

“where are you going?” his voice rose a bit as he held onto your arm.

“in my room!” you replied, matter of factly.

“yeah! I thought you were going to greet your dear husband!” he joked, tilting his head towards the couches where yuta sat previously but he was not there anymore.

“I don’t wanna talk johnny!” you said curtly, jerking your hand away. But he was quicker as he pulled you into him, backing you into a counter.

“just leav-

“no tell me what’s the matter with you. what have I even done?” his voice was barely above a whisper, meant only to be heard by you. the rise and fall in his speech was already shaking your resolution.

“nothing! just turned a normal student into a deadly underground member. But it’s nothing big so yeah!” you replied, mock evident in your words. As you tried to leave again, his hands caught your waist as he picked you up, stationing you on the counter. He secured you against his body, restricting your movements. His hard orbs found yours as he hands tightened around your waist, making you gulp in the process. You stared back with same intensity, as if reading his next step. He lowered his front, demanding eyes never leaving yours,

“this is the first and last time I’ll be explaining myself. I don’t know a shit about why he did that. But those papers won’t be used against you. I won’t let that happen. Ever. I promise that with my life. Just have some faith in me” He whispered. Besides it being the precise validation you sought, suspicion couldn’t be helped!

“and why would you do that. Do you also have some hidden agen-

his lips felt soft as they collided with yours with urgent need to shut you up. You froze, so did he. The only movement in your control was of your hands that were tightly gripped to the counter. The silence in the air being tense, his lips stayed still and contrary to yours, his eyes were completely shut. Johnny’s light breaths fanned your upper lip as his chest heaved up and down. Neither of you made any effort to further it nor any to pull apart. Few more seconds passed and he finally detached himself, the bodies still connected. Your lashes fluttered as he palmed your left cheek, speaking in a low husky whisper.

“I promise. Just believe me and when I say taeyong won’t hurt you, I mean it. With all my heart. Can you trust me on this please?”

He was insisting yet pleading and you merely nodded, lowering your head. His delicate fingers brushed the line formed between your brows, smiling softly.

“you have nothing to worry about. with unparalleled record that we have! You ain’t getting rid of me anytime soon. Yeah?”

His breathy laugh tingled your insides and something like awe transformed his face as he felt the warmness of your cheeks under his hand.

“by any chance, are you flustered?” your face went blank at his shameless comment when he was the very reason for your current state.

“n-no!” you pushed him hard while standing straight. He staggered a bit, giggling uncontrollably at you.

“lying suits you y/n. just like your soulmate jaehyun.” You scrunched your nose at the mention.

“don’t talk about him! He’s so annoying, i’m gonna hang him upside down someday o-or turn him into a stew!”

“and feed him to yuta!” he completed. You gawked at him for a moment before joining him in his laughing session.

“there is food?” yuta entered the kitchen, dimming the commotion.

“not for you!” you snarked.

“we have food y/n?” it was johnny this time. you had almost forgot about the sandwiches that were now probably rotting in your bag. As realisation dawned, you hurriedly retrieved your bag from counter, opening the plastics from the sandwiches with a last hope to save them.

“do you know that you don’t have to be ramsey to stuff cucumber and tomatoes in a bread?” johnny shifted, taking the packages to heat them up.

“I was out of bread. So I just took the easy route.”

“lame excuse! Work better!”

“not everyone got time john!”

You strolled for your room, passing yuta in the way, totally missing the frown and cute smile on yuta and johnny respectively. Though yuta’s internals were screaming at him to open his shitty mouth, his main focus was on his empty stomach that was growling like never before.

“pass me one john!” he whisper yelled to johnny, purposely stretching the last word to satisfy himself.

“no! it’s her lunch or snack or whatever it is.” He warned, hiding the oven with his front.

“oh so you have turned a part time servant for her!” he spewed, crossing his arms against his chest.

“no dude. She’s actual-

he was about to tell yuta but he halted his train of words for he was not in the place to tell any of your secrets to anyone , especially yuta.

“she’s what? Your girlfriend?”

“I swear I’m gonna fry you someday!”

“whatever. Now give me a sandwich before she comes out. Hurry up!” yuta looked over johnny’s shoulders to count the stacked portion in the device.

“one, two-

“three. They are just three yuta! Fuck off.” Johnny knew throwing abuses wouldn’t work but hitting him with his shoulder wasn’t either! He glanced at yuta and he seriously looked miserable. Hungry miserable!

“come on-

“are you done john?” your voice echoed from the hall as you approached wearing your famous tank top and cotton shorts. Yuta cursed under his breath, opening the fridge to get himself something.

“here” johnny handed you the plate. He hit yuta’s arm to grab his attention who was practically trying to sit in the fridge.

“renjun and jaemin are cooking their special ramyeon. We’ll eat there, come on!”

“huh!” he excitedly passed johnny to pick his things up.

With yuta out of sight, his focus shifted again on you. “don’t you get sick after eating takeouts?”

“yup I do! My gut is not the healthiest one in the world. But I’ve fewer options and I do check their health certificates so no need to worry.” Your humorous reply didn’t get more than a shit face from him. He leaned again causing you to take a step backwards.

“your hair!” He pointed and you rolled your eyes like you’d see what was happening up there.

“what my hair?”

“umm. Nothing kiddo!” he said before ruffling your hair.

“aah. I’m not a kid johnny!” you shouted at him though he was just standing by your shoulder.

“oh yes you are!” he pouted dramatically and ran but not forgetting to throw a flying kiss your way. “charge your phone, I’ll call again.”

“eww!” you snapped your head to catch yuta standing behind, making faces at johnny who was standing at the front of hallway.

“oh come on you shit.”

At johnny’s comment , yuta just followed and you totally missed the way he scoffed at both of you.

****************

You were truly jumbled by johnny’s actions, innocent yet calculated. You had maintained your calm but he was aware that you were not blind towards his growing attraction. why didn’t you push him away! What was he aiming at? Questions, questions! From the very first day, all you have are questions with no concrete answers.

But Johnny was not the sole occupier of your worries, taeyong held a significant part of it. If what johnny said was true, if his intentions were not so malafide then he’d easily have skipped it. Despite johnny’s assurance, you couldn’t afford trusting him anymore. Not like you could protect yourself from losing anything but your walls would always be enclosed for him.

Your wandering mind was pulled back into reality by a message from your classmate. The date of thesis topic submission was moved to an earlier one, a week earlier to be specific. In reality, you were all starting it a few months earlier just so the pressure could be minimised but it instead felt like a strategy for your doom. You all were supposed to submit the topic and a little introduction even before the qualification exam! And obviously you were behind the so called ahead-of-time schedule. You could have wrote a ph.d worthy book on mafia and their ploys but sadly criminal law was not the option available for it. So that’s how you ended up in the small balcony, sitting on the cold floor, enjoying the evening cool breeze. Search results on both naver and google had varied from “50 best topics of dissertation in international law” to “how to know what is my area of interest?” but every try had gone to a blank page.

************

By late evening, you got bored of sitting in the balcony and room, so you decided to study with a change of setting and the only place available apart from your room was the hall. After computing various possibilities, you dragged the single seater towards the hall windows and angling the book on the window still, a much comfy makeshift study space was ready. With the newfound determination to complete the task at hand, your eyes browsed every means of information to stumble upon anything you missed earlier, ignoring the blue skies switching to the darker ones.

***********

Yuta noticed the way he was experiencing more fatigue as the days passed by. He never trained this much until he was suspended. He looked forward for it to end so he could feel the same thrill again but two weeks wouldn’t just pass in a blink! He claimed the basement as his new home trying to ignore the activities transpiring upstairs. The desire to stay with his dear roommate jungwoo was irrepressible but his ego didn’t allow him to give in so easily. He wanted to show his anger to taeyong and that was the only reason he found himself coming back to the new home more often.

He languidly passed the kitchen to use the washroom. Only when he was about to enter his room, he noticed the lightening in the kitchen and living room. He groaned at the thought of your imprudent habit of multiplying the electricity bill which eventually he had to pay! Or maybe you were just trying to instigate him! When he was about to put out the lights, he spotted the sofa and a pair of legs perched on the widow still. He took light steps to reach your sleeping figure and suddenly he felt his annoyance melting into astonishment. Your face was covered with the open, visibly heavy hardcover book whilst your half body was on the seat and half in the air with feet placed on the window still for balance that was clearly very very comfortable place for napping at midnight. unconsciously, his hand extended for the book and as he picked it up, you stirred. Panic took over him as he lost the hold leading the book to fell on your face instead. He ducked, cupping his mouth with both hands to stifle the laugh that was about to escape. Luckily you were dead to the world. Hearing no movement, he crawled for the room , getting up only when he was at a safe distance. Without wasting another moment, he did what he was there for in the first place and went to sleep, with a thumping heart that was probably due to the initial dread he felt or that’s what he thought!

**********

The bus stop being far away, you began the long trudge for neos’ house. Taeil had requested your presence two days ago , but being too busy with studying on the first few days of the week ,it was delayed. You’d have never accepted the offer if it was taeyong but taeil suggested you to take your time even though what he wanted to ask or said was important. His readiness to prioritise your convenience warmed you and it were the emotions of the moment that you agreed to him. And now the heat was burning your exposed legs and you were cursing his sweet tongue.

You knocked on the opened door to announce your arrival despite the fact that the main door had automatically detected you to lead you in. you stood there like a statue, moving your neck like an owl, waiting for an invitation but nothing. you banged it again only to hear someone’s cursing from inside.

“who the fuck knocks when it’s op-

A screeched scream met your ears as a man came into your sight. He abruptly started bowing, apologising profusely.

“I’m so sorry noona. I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry. This won’t happen again. I-

“hey, it’s totally fine. I didn’t even hear you in the first place.” You lied, saving him the mortification.

“can I come in?”

“this is your own place. You don’t need to ask or knock noona!” you entered as he gestured you to sit.

“can you call tae-

But before you could say it, he ran inside. You didn’t know or remembered his name but his face looked familiar. Maybe he was sicheng or hyuck or someone else cause you were sure you had met hyuck before!

“I was making coffee for taeil hyung. But he’s late so it’s yours now!” he exclaimed with his eye smile. it was cute and friendly.

“what was your name again?” you asked smiling back at him, noticing the little red on his neck.

“jeno.” He immediately settled on a seat, his focus fixed on you. “I’m making snacks. Do you wanna join?”

You chuckled at his innocent suggestion, “If you meant joining for eating, then I’m all in but if you want my help in actual process, then you’d die hungry today!”

“I’m aware of that but you are never late to learn anything right!”

“wow. Your enthusiasm is admirable but I don’t wanna burn your kitchen.” Your eyes were blessed with another series of his eye smile. it was contagious.

“you are here!” you saw taeil sprinting towards you.

“I’m sorry. I got caught up in the office.” His words came out breathy as he was still panting from the jog.

“no worries but I don’t have much time. I have to study for exams.”

“yes, studying is important.” He nodded before requesting jeno to get him the coffee and water, to which the boy grumpily complied.

“why the fuck is air con off! I’m gonna roast!” He whined and got up again to close the front door.

“now. I’ve two things to tell you or rather order you. you wanna eat first orr-

“no I’m fine really. Just tell me what taeyong ordered this time!” you had no doubt that it was taeyong’s doing.

“forget about that shit. Here, veto power is mine. JENO, STOP MELTING THE ICE AND GIVE ME SOME WATER!” he screamed at jeno who came out hurriedly with both water and coffee.

Jeno took a seat beside taeil but his one glare made him go back. Sighing in relief after quenching his thirst, he continued in a polite voice. “yuta told me about the card. Why didn’t you take it?”

“because I don’t want his money. I’m good with what I have. Besides every transaction related to him would lead me in trouble so why take the risk!” you sounded harsher than you intended but it wasn’t in your control anymore. Mention yuta and you’ll obviously bite!

“the account is already open. Yuta’s gonna transfer same amount of money every month so why don’t spend his money or better, give him a heart attack by paying everything with the card. He’s gonna pay and I promise, he has no say in this so he won’t even scold you!” he sounded quite cheerful which clearly indicated that none of them understood your language.

“no thanks taeil. staying away from his shadow is much safer.”

“shadow runs with the man y/n.”

“the man himself avoids me like a plague so it’s a win win here.”

“what you see is present. Nobody can ever escape a tomorrow! You are evading it today, but one day you’ll eventually face it.”

“I don’t speak quotes!”

“simple! You both collide only to cause harm to each other. For how long do you think this can work. You’ll get tired and I suppose he’d too. when you’ll stop to rest, you’d find him there but at that time you won’t have enough energy to fight off anymore. Placebo is deadly y/n!”

You absorbed his vague statement full of philosophy but your mind couldn’t harmonise with what he meant!

“honestly, I stopped hearing the moment you mentioned yuta so can we continue!”

“yeah sure. Take the card, keep it for emergencies and I’m not taking no anymore. You aren’t hearing me so I’m doing the same. and secondly, can you defend yourself?”

“defend from who exactly?”

“drunken bastards, thieves, goons or whoever comes at you with a knife!” you were puzzled at the sudden mention.

“my personality repels violence and I’ve two strong best friends.” You declared the obvious. The only drunkards you met were outside the clubs and you never went alone so the thought never crossed your mind.

“first is a lie and second is insignificant here. I need you to learn some basics so you won’t need anyone else or just to hold until help comes.”

“what the! Are you actually recruiting me or something? I don’t wanna be a party in your gang wars.” you announced, now clearly understanding what he meant in the first place.

“I’m not telling you to fight with us. You don’t have an ounce of brain do you? it’s for your own safety.”

“safety from what? I live in a rich and peaceful neighbourhood, my dear husband is a corporate of first class, I myself never even go for a simple stroll in a park then who would I even fight?”

“here ,we all are used to the danger that we face everyday. Each and every man you see here is able to dodge anything that comes their way but you.are.not. Just because they are acting like school kids with no care in life doesn’t mean they are any safer. Jeno was making coffee a few minutes ago but after dinner, he’d be going for protection fee collection with others. If shit goes down, you might not even see him again but we won’t let that happen in the first place. It’s not same with you though. god forbid if you attract the attention of wrong people for all the reasons you stated, then how are we going to help you. even if you press the bracelet , it’d take us some time to get there. till then what would you do? You can’t even probably run for more than a mile! can you?”

You just shook your head at him, too baffled to form any words.

“do you devote any time to exercise?”

“I walk enough I guess and some planks when my stomach is out too much.”

“you are no better than these boys seriously.” She rolled his eyes at your statement.

“but despite the exercise or whatever, my strength is nothing against jeno or johhny. I’ll never b-

“if you fail in strength , atleast you can be swift. Or better you can learn to handle a gun or a knife. When do you get free?”

So, that’s why he called you!

“I don’t have a minute to spare for the next 15 days. Prep and exams are more important for me.”

“no worries. We can start after that. But don’t remove the bracelet band under any condition. Some rival mafia has hired a contract killer for you. so run fast if you notice someone following you, press it and we’ll be there. till then just hang on.” Nervousness got hold of your senses as you heard his warning.

“you are fucking kidding right! was I being followe-

“yes, I’m kidding.” he chuckled dryly. “You should see your face. If it was outside the parameters of the room, you’d have passed out already. Panic only leads to death and I don’t want you to die. so do it just for my peace of mind.” You released the breath you were holding till now, feeling relaxed again.

You just nodded at his words. He sounded like some motivational speaker luring you into his lifetime guarantee program but you knew he was right somewhere. you couldn’t depend on the boys to save you from creeps for whole life.

he was good at reading minds, you thought but despite that you wanted to pour the coffee on his head for the heart attack he’d gave you a minute ago.

“it’s risk free and beneficial. What you say?”

“ok. but I don’t wanna spar with the 6 feet ones. I’ll rather learn from you.” it was your turn to cackle!

“we’ll see about that.” He rolled his eyes to the back at your obvious attempt of poking fun at his short stature

JENO, I DIDN’T ASK FOR A COLD COFFEE. MAKE ME A NEW ONE.”

********

Meeting with taeil had benefitted you in every way. The most useful presently was the topic of the thesis he randomly suggested you. “ effect and consequences of veto power in relation to international peace and human rights”.  even mr. kwang, your thesis mentor liked it as it was almost near original. Now you were just left with exams that were just a week away. Fortune was playing in your favour as yuta had been missing from past few days that saved you some extra energy and headaches that you got with his repulsive energy towards you. then there was your newfound love for the sofa that you had permanently dragged by the windows. It helped a lot in relaxing and studying and you ended up sleeping on it, nearly getting used to the cramped neck.

Unbeknownst to you, he did come back, daily. But you were just so occupied that you never noticed the slight shuffling in the midnight. it went on for days until you woke up with a blanket covering your bare legs, evidently not yours!

****************

How to start the finals? By getting wasted? No. certainly not. But birthdays are important, sometimes more than those stupid grades!

The venue for yeong’s b’day celebration was a night club, as expected from yugyeom! He need no reason to get drunk and when his s/o was herself cutting the chains, then it’s the finest deal one could get!

Loaded with university students, the party at the first floor was thundering. The hoots and roars of slightly drunk adults became deafening as soon as the cake was consumed.

“why your classmates are so fucking loud” you screamed in yeong’s ear. You both were seated at the corner on leather seats, drinking away the reality.

“with your dolphin voice, you are in no place to judge them bitch!”

“lets blame this on your drunkard mumbo jumbo!” she jumped in joy at your lame attempt, alcohol speaking out for you.

“btw where’s your boyfriend?” she questioned leaning into your ear.

“who?” you wondered who she was referring to.

“wonwoo! Who else dumbo. His whole army was invited by gyeom but I haven’t seen him yet!”

You just shrugged in response, not wanting to face him. The farther, the better. His possessiveness only elevated your fears. Now that you were bound on taeyong’s mercy, wonwoo would be calling for a danger by being with you, especially when you were incapable of returning his love.

But fate had some cruel plans stored for you. when you were ordering another drink, strong hands gripped your waist. Though beyond tipsy, the moment you touched the protective hold, you knew it was wonwoo. It was always him afterall.

“you could burn me while wearing white and I’d say thank you baby” He whispered, nibbling on your ear, shivers running down to your bare thighs at the sudden action. everyone knew how much you loved white and that’s why yeong had designed this short white satin dress which just screamed “you” and barely left anything to the imagination of the viewer. “and nothing turns me on more than your covered arms.” He continued as his fingers slowly traced the collarbones down to the cleavage, your drunken self melting into his chest. His hands worked swiftly and he guided you into a secluded part to drown the excessive noise. Your back hit a wall as his nose brushed against yours, his slender fingers siding your sling bag to hook at your hips. He bent into your lips, love filled kisses slowly smoothening into hungry ones. The taste he left on yours was of the infamous vodka that he sure had consumed in plenty of amount ,leading him to you. the pledge to keep yourself away from him broke down in figures as he rolled his hips into yours, lips syncing with the movements. His grip bruised your body, hunger lowering from lips to the bare neck. Throwing your head back, savouring his touch, you clutched his shoulders for some control. Scheduled moans became more filthy as his one hand gripped your thigh in a try to hike up your dress. He didn’t do much work as it was already climbing up your hips. A Single move and his fingers graced against your core, tingling sensation burning your whole body. The open mouthed kisses left marks on your cleavage and neck as he fingers fucked you mercilessly.

“I missed you so much baby.”  His wavering yet soft tone met your ears but everything seemed hazy as he drove in and out of you. you felt euphoria in your stomach hitting you once again as he rambled on. “ don’t ever leave me again. you are my only lu-luxury. Don’t you ever dare snatch away the only hope I have! I love you. i fucking love you!” his sped up his actions under the dress but before he could provide you the final pleasure, you came back to the reality he  had divorced you from. you didn’t love him and never would. To his disbelief, you separated yourself from his body, him staggering back with the push.

“wha-

“I don’t love you woo. This-

Your hands filled the space between you two.

“this was never about love. We need to stop. I don’t love you woo. And don’t expect anything better from me. We are over. This is over.”

Your drunken slurs made evident that though you were loaded, the senses were still intact somehow.

“no y/n. don’t do this to me. I’ll wait more if you want. A lifetime if you say. But don’t say you are done with us. I’d die without you.” his words rang like a bell as you attempted to corrected the panties and dress, waving slightly.

You jumped away from him as his words got registered in your head. Ignoring him completely, you turned to enter the blast again but his strong hold on your arm stopped you. you squirmed under him, requesting him to let you go but his confession never halted.

“let go of her wonwoo!” you circled to see jungkook standing there , anger clear in his eyes. “I am not gonna repeat.” Jungkook was indeed dangerous when he was boiling.

“why was he enough and NOT ME!” you shuddered at the raise in his voice as he jerked you away. Timely, jungkook caught you and instructed you to go inside to wait for him. And you complied but not completely.

you were hot, bothered, angry and helpless at the same time so you did what you felt like. It felt like eternity when jungkook found you gulping some shorts in the bar. His brain went haywire for he realised you would’ve reached your peak by now. He cautiously approached you, checking the level of warmness on your cheeks. You were gone and so was he.

“what did you do with woo?” you asked him in the delightfully lovable voice that he found nothing but scary. You acting cute meant it was end of the life for anyone who would witness it. He had tried to record you a few times before in the said condition but it never ended up well with the screen of his phone meeting your wrath everytime. He helplessly dragged you from the bar towards the parking area, ignoring your initial question and the urge to scold you for the whole ruckus with wonwoo.

“I’ll drop you home cutie” he exclaimed, checking the level.

“I’m no cutie! And what about minjunie. And I don’t wanna go with you. I wanna be alone.” He giggled as you pouted at him, a rare sight to behold.

“yeah yeah I know you wanna be alone and blah blah but its past 11 already -

“soooooo. The protocol shall be followed despite the severi-

“shut up! You are not in a class dude. N hurry up, I’ve to pick minjun’s drunk ass as well!”

The discontent in his tone was apparent while he showed you the way forward. continuously wrestling against his strong hands, he finally gave up when you almost tripped over nothing.  

“stop annoying me y/n!”

“am i?” you pouted at him. “I don’t wanna go with you. don’t you understand!” he rubbed his temples in desperation.

“fine I’ll call someone else. But you can’t go alone.” But as he was fishing out his phone, you were gone.

After five minutes he spotted you outside, waving for a taxi.

“why are you so difficult?” his words fell to deaf ears. Watching you continue your frolics, he thought about giving up as a scheme formed in his head. Stopping a taxi , he ushered you in the back seat, moving to talk to the driver instead.

“no you aren’t coming!” you cried, showing your head out of the window. He grabbed his hair in annoyance, narrowing his eyes at you, “I’m not coming with you my mother! Let me give the address to the driver or else you’ll end up nowhere.” He pleaded, clasping his hands, bowing at you.

You giggled pleasantly at his gesture, hands flailing at him. “I don’t live in campus. I’ll give you the address. Wait!” after searching for your phone, you showed him the address saved in the notes app. That indeed surprised him for he wasn’t aware that you changed but decided against asking you. if it was not your new address, it could be trusted enough to be safer as it was saved under “my home”. Commanding the driver with an extreme firmness, he went away. Even in the drunk state, you were sure to some extent that maybe car was not moving.

“let’s go uncle!”

“your friend told me to wait.” you threw your head back realising that kook was upto something. A loud horn heightened your senses as the car moved.

Asshole, you muttered, grasping that he was clearly following you.

***************

“bop bop!” an eternity has passed for you in a futile try of remembering the password. The digits were changing their positions, as you regarded them.

“bop bop!” you tried again, mumbling to yourself, not knowing that you were not even banging the door in the first place. Standing still in your intoxicated state, arms crossed, the daggers you were throwing at the door would give any passer by a food to laugh but unluckily, there was noone there.

Bobbing your head from side to side, you started walking down the corridor, coming back at the your own door every few minutes. Curiously you pressed random button near the keypad. It was a bell, that you didn’t noticed earlier.

“wh- noona! You are here!” it was jaemin. He hugged you tightly before letting you in.

“duh! I’m waiting from last ten years but you won’t open.” Another giggle let jaemin known that you were in inebriated state.

“you are drunk.” He whispered.

“shhhh” you said , throwing your heels.

With jelly legs, you wobbled to the kitchen, catching attention of each and every presence in the living room and there were many of them.

“oh hiya! Home tweet home.” You chanted, hands waving like the wipers of a car. Hyuck and mark greeted you while jaehyun just sat down again, shaking his head in disbelief. However yuta was stunned and hooked to his place. He saw you navigating to the fridge, dropping the bottle, picking it up again, gulping it down, jaemin snatching it from you, apparently for you own benefit.

Jaemin guided you for your room before you got distracted by yuta’s figure staring you down.

“moshi moshi. Don’t you have any Japanese to throw at me today.” Yuta heard jaemin and others snickering as you slurred, walking unsteadily to him. He simply rolled his eyes, waiting for you to complete your attack.

“oh hi hyuck. I heard you don’t change your underwear for years. Go and take a bath right now. Asap” the liquid jaehyun was drinking, came out as a spray from his nose at the insult. Everyone was laughing at your antics except yuta. He scanned you up and down, eyes fixating on the fresh hickies on your visible neck.

“and you moshi moshi. You a-act like an angry young man all the damn ti-time,” hiccups started in between, “ but answer me with your half braincell- what kind of criminal you are! Atleast hid your face while shooting people dude.”

Yuta’s jaw cletched at your use of words, tension rising in the room. His neutral face changed into an angry one as you went on and on, all while poking his chest with your forefinger. “and that knife of yours! What are you? a street goon who hires little kids to scan cctvs for the-

And your body lunged forward, head resting where your finger was, passed out. Yuta’s red eyes didn’t go unnoticed by anyone. Anger radiated his body as he removed hands from his pockets to push you off but mark scooped your sleeping figure in his arms, signalling jaemin to open the door. After finding the key in your purse, mark laid you on the bed, rolling you to the side as jaemin placed a pillow behind to save you from falling.

They arrived in the hall only to find yuta already waiting for them.

“what was the need to baby her? She’s an adult and got drunk at her own expense. Didn’-

“so what hyung? Why are you making it a big deal!” mark replied.

“she is the one who makes everything a big deal. Didn’t you just hear how she was just trash talking about you all! She never fucking leaves a chance to spit at my face that I am a criminal –

“that’s what we are! We are damn criminals and she doesn’t know anything about us”

“but she says it like we are not even humans-

“I don’t understand why are you always throwing her under the bus hyung! Drunk people speak shit and she was totally hammered. Just let it go! Your punishment is over after two days, don’t spoil your mood over something so silly.”

“you can’t ord-

“yes I can and will order you because I agree with her. You do own just a half braincell that is not letting you think properly. Now don’t you dare mention all this to her in the morning.” Several pairs of eyes wandered between yuta and mark as the air became more pressured.

“so you do admit she is in wrong here hmm”

“she was just acting with her pure conscious. She saw a man dying and went to police. Tae hyung just made sure that she isn’t leaving anytime soon. She is trapped with criminals. What else do you expect from her? I know exactly what you want.” Suddenly mark’s eyes softened as he went on.  “You are craving empathy hyung. This is what I have seen in your eyes from the first day. You want everyone to realise that you are also wounded. You don’t despise her in actual but just the sympathy that wasn’t given to you in the first place. Stop acting like a stone. While blaming her you shouldn’t be forgetting that it was supposed to be me. You filled my spot as the killer. It started with me-

“no ma-

“it all started coz I was dammit feeling too sleepy to finish that contract killer. It was supposed to be a sniper attack but you had to go instead-

“I forgot my cover mark. How are you the cause when the problem was my own stupidity in the first place!” yuta shouted, tense silence following. Mark smiled a bit at him before continuing.

“then why do you hate her so much. shouldn’t you be hating me for sending you there or yourself for being careless. We should be compromising, not her. Just stop fighting with running water.”

He quietly said before picking up his jacket, going out. Everyone took that as a cue for leaving as well. Nobody uttered anything. The house was empty but mark’s words echoed in the space for entirety of the night, squeezing yuta into the reality he wasn’t ready to face.

*************

Your head felt like it was carrying all the weight of the world. Light harmed your vision, footsteps made you dizzy as you treaded for the door. Kitchen was suddenly too far away, everything looking too large for the squinted eyes. Water and sugar! two things circled in your head like a mantra, only until you felt a sharp pain in your waist. You slightly cursed the counter for bumping into you and stepped further to get water. the water soothed only your throat, stomach still craved sugar so you placed the large bottle on the counter, returning to open the fridge.

Some shuffling around the corner woke up yuta, who was resting on the couch. It hasn’t been more than few hours that he finally let himself immersed into the dreamland. His night and half of the day was spent in unearthing the deep hole that mark had thrown him into. He got annoyed at himself for failing in reaching a conclusion that would led to mark being wrong and it was the result of this constant thought provoking activity that he was having a persistent headache. He grumbled at the stiff neck as he got up. 13:03. Another sound came from somewhere, stimulating his body to check. With droopy eyes, he noticed you. actually half of you as the other half was searching for gold in the fridge. The hiked up dress was enough to give a free show of your bare legs without any strain. The thought of you eating his food wiped up all the drowsiness, making him go to kitchen.

“its not your bedroom. Close it.” He criticised, yawns escaping simultaneously. You didn’t move for his voice didn’t reach you in the first place. He tsked at your lack of senses as he neared you. but as soon as your figure got larger, his body met the floor brutally, several groans of pain leaving him. You turned around at the noise to see yuta struggling as his knee hit the polished hardwood. His other hand went to the counter for some support but it slipped causing his elbow to hit the cabinet handle more violently. His shout of anguish striked through your sensitive ears, making you swear in irritation.

Your eyes slowly traced the liquid under his body to the top of the counter. the water bottle. It was tilted and empty by the time you noticed and the water was what made yuta slipped in first place.

“fuck it!” he growled, discomfort contorting his features.

Slowly he moved himself to the other side, bruised elbow secured in his hand, grunts exiting him. You knew you were fucked up as soon as his cold eyes fell upon you.

“I guess it’s my time to call taeyong.”

[half-a-hetero]

ATLA BATTLE OF THE BANDS AU SETUP PT. 1

oK SO I’VE HAD THIS AU IN MY HEAD FOR TWO FKN DAYS AND I HAVE COME TO EVER SO GRACIOUSLY INJECT IT INTO YOUR MIND- THE GAANG PLUS YUE AND THE FIRE NATION GALS IN BANDS. a battle of the bands au. tHINK OF THE aRt. n i’m thinking zukka and yueki, and they meet at battle of the bands but yk...we got 2 sets of pining idiots yk yk. i thought this up five (5) days ago and iM DYING 

(tw: mentions of canon-typical abuse, and past death)

this is basically just the setup but i’ll add little tidbits and worldbuilding and art later

zuko (18): drums + backup vocals

mai (16): bass guitar

ty lee (15): keyboard

azula (15): lead guitar + vocals

suki (17/18): rhythm guitar

they do some group vocals/harmonies but not that often

so like azula has this really strong, really powerful voice, and that means she could do really moving rock ballads/power ballads, and etc etc. she took extensive guitar and voice lessons as a kid because of That Fucker Ozai™ and thats why she has so much control. same with zuko, except he didnt take voice lessons (he just liked singing) and quit guitar after ozai went to jail (it was a painful reminder of The Shit He Went Through) and took up drums to let out his anger and frustrations instead. Azula stuck with guitar because it was something she loved to do, despite her past.

where azula has a bold voice, zuko has a raspy-yet-smooth-at-the-same-time one that matches azula’s really well. while she’s off singing power notes, hes singing the lower, raspier undertones and it sounds really nice.

zuko also took up art classes and is genuinely proud of his work.

he’s secretly (its not that much of a secret) an art nerd

zuko, azula, and suki wrote a few songs together, kinda

for lack of better explanation, ozai was (canon-typically) abusive, and he got drunk one day and got mad at zuko and pushed him. zuko fell into the fireplace, and boom. scar.

azula got mainly mental trauma because zuko would take the blow for her, but she got therapy and theyre both for the most part better (there are still some relapses)

azula’s secretly a DC nerd

zUkO wEaRs riNgs 

the canon-typical atla “ozai pitting them against eachother sibling rivalry” comes into play through guitar (hence why zuko drops it. he wanted to let his sister have something she loved for herself. also, he didnt like it). ozai was a classical guitarist and famous [the money and the “royalty” canon aspects]

should i….mullet zuko?

aro azula and toph >>>>

ty lee is still from the circus, except this time mai was there too, which is where she learned knife-throwing. they both ran away from the circus summer after freshman year and met azula though mai’s bass lessons (alternatively, they met at martial arts classes). theyre 14/15. they moved in with azula, zuko, and iroh around the middle of sophomore year (grade 10) when ozai was arrested. the azula and ty lee were 15, mai was 16, and zuko was 17 at the time, around the ages they were in the show when the war ended (i think??)

azula said it didn't matter cause they had a huge house. she says it was half-empty, anyways, but mai and ty lee know that meant she liked their company.

they get along really well with suki

everyone realizes they can all play instruments, the core parts of a [rock] band. they start playing together, and eventually decide to become a band

their band is called ‘the kyoshi warriors’ (or something idk this is off the top of my head) in honor of the girls’ martial arts instructor, master kyoshi, who passed away

WAIT SJITGHHFSD FAN THE FLAMES IS A GOOD NAME TOO WHAT (although i can see that being more of a song name) credits to boom ( @boomerangsandadora) for that (go check out their ideas on this au)

theyre inseparable

together, mai, ty lee, suki, azula and zuko look fucking menacing. just imagine that. fucking bamfs

mai skateboards. just. this is a kind of important plot device. shh.

suki joins their friend group gradually. first, she’s attended azula’s martial arts class since they were in second grade, and moved up the belts like wildfire (along with azula). she tried to befriend azula a few times, but gave up over the years because azula wasnt interested in friendship (no thanks to ozai pressuring her to always be first. azula saw her as a rival, suki saw azula as a particularly competitive classmate and but equal in skill). She was zuko’s classmate since freshman year (grade 9) but only became his friend in sophomore year through a literature assignment the two were paired up in. she was really his only friend, cause everyone was too busy sizing up his scar. the two became inseparable then on.

she plays rhythm guitar because she loves guitar but agrees that azula is better at being in the (relative) spotlight

on the outside, suki and zuko looked tough, but underneath that, they’re two bumbling, pining gay idiots

suki’s parents both died in a fire, so she grew up with her “cool gay aunt” who was also a feminist and a mixed martial arts instructor.

suki spends her time teaching the beginner classes at the dojo

she met azula + the girls thru martial arts and zuko

overall thingies:

even though zuko is oblivious to sokka’s reciprocate feelings, no one else is. mai, azula, and ty le are just like “zuko wtf you’re more blind than toph”

he thinks the rest of his friends dont know about his crush bu he forgets who his sister is. honestly. all he talks about is sokka, it isnt hard.

unlike a lot of other bands, they actually have more complicated and interesting bass riffs, and a lot of times when writing songs they start with bass and build up from there

azula and toph get along becaus theyre the only sensible ones around. all their friends are pining idiots and they bond over their mutual superiority 🪄🧃🧃

mai skateboards at the same skatepark as sokka and aang. she’s long since past trying to teach zuko (he’s an uncoordinated gay mess) (who can somehow still play drums ??what???)but once she sees him agree to learn to skate from sokka she knows what’s up

suki’s birthday is during th time this fic happens, and she invites yue to the party (she tells zuko he has to invite sokka because even though she loves her bestie, he really is dumb)

“hey yue, we’re having a little get-together for my birthday, and i was wondering if you wanted to come?” compare to zuko’s “uh—hey sokka? i, um. suki’s birthday is pretty soon, and, well. we’re having a get-together to celebrate? and i—she asked me to invite someone? andifyoudontwannagothatstotallyfineimsorryforbotheringyou-” (includes much stammering and heavy blushing)

on the outside suki’s all calm (someone has to be the “i’m a mess but i dont look it” friend🙄🙄. honestly)but on the inside she’s like

“oh my gOD is that dyed hair hOLY FUcK thats so badass and she pLAYS BASS TOo that’s hOt”

“WAITWHATTHEFUCKISSHESPEAKINGTOME- ?? she’s laughing now she’s gORGEOUS- ThE giGGLEs i CANt bREatHE-”

“hOLY mOtHEr of kYosHi sHe’s wEAriNG lEsbiAn riNgS sHIT and her voice is so nice too fUCK i think i’m in love-”

[sumeshi-t]

random 1AM horny thots: the boi's reaction when seeing fem!s/o get a food baby after eating too much lol

characters: oikawa and ushijima (for now; might add a few more later on 😙✌🏻)

aksjdjajh pls enjoy my midnight brain vomit. i know this ain't too good and idk if it's been done before or not but oh well, here it goes 🥵

im shy but ackck im gon tag u @seijoh 🥺 i hope u feel better and sleep well tonite

Oikawa Tooru:

you surprised your bf by going to argentina so you could celebrate his birthday together

you asked help from some of his teammates he's told you about, and they were in on the surprise.

the moment you entered the gym where they trained, he hits a powerful serve, fueled by his excitement after just seeing a glimpse of you from the corner of his eyes. he got a service ace from that, even you were sure it was over 110km/h

then this boy just runs up to you, trapping you in his embrace, your feet off the ground and spinning you around

then comes the cake his teammates got him, someone on the side was actually recording all this. he was already peppering your face with kisses and you two just looked so damn happy even the coach was smiling wtf

so anyway, you guys go out that night and eat

oikawa tells you what food he likes, and what he thinks you were gonna like and he's so spot on like he knows you so well he even brings out the 100% out of your tastebuds—

lol

you were so full from all the food, so full from the love, attention, and affection your boyfriend was showering you that you felt "drunk"

trust me that shit happens. y'know, like food coma? yeah, you ate a lot and it feels like you actually got high on sum dr*gzz

it was time to call it a night, you gave the team some japanese souvenirs as a way of thanking them, not just about tooru's bday, but also because they're taking care of your man really well 🥺

oikawa brings you back to his apartment, apologizes for not having cleaned up and you say you didn't mind because really, it wasn't that dirty or like the jungle-type madness but even then, he goes straight up to at least making the place neat for the two of you so he cleans some of his mess

there was a full body mirror on the far wall, it reflects his bed and him moving about behind you. you were checking yourself out and you ended up chuckling

you put a hand on your low back and another to rub your belly. you were wearing such a body-hugging outfit so the food baby was hella obvious

"look tooru, i'm pregante," you laugh at your own joke and continue to rub your belly

oikawa lichrally stops. and just stares. at your smiling face then down to where your hands were placed.

this boy gulps. why was he feeling so thirsty all of a sudden-?

when you didn't hear him respond, you turn to look at him and he was already making his way toward you.

he wraps his arms around you, hands on your belly. there was no music but you two were swaying to the sound of each other's heartbeats.

without a word, his lips went straight for your neck, nipping and sucking; his hot breath tickling your sensitive skin, hands busy touching you everywhere.

you see him smirk while whispering, "seeing you like that babe, it just makes me want to knock you up so bad,"

next thing you know you were both naked on the bed, facing the mirror

you were on your knees, watching yourselves as your boyfriend took you from behind, your back arched against his chest while his hand gripped on your neck and the other firm against your hickey-filled abdomen; cum was already leaking out of your abused hole you actually lost count how many times the two of you came—

this was a fulfilling kind of feeling full.

and sure enough, you were bringing home with you a different kind of surprise when you went back to japan.

Ushijima Wakatoshi:

it was The Grandma Ushijima's 80th birthday

yeah that lady who wanted to correct your boyfriend's left handedness. she's still alive n kicking

yours and ushijima's schedules were freed up for a few days to help out in the celebration and of course, you stay in the Ushijima ancestral home

yes, ancestral home. tatami mats and all. but high quality ones with silk covers and stuff.

his family didn't mind having you two sleep in the same room; bc ngl they've been wanting a great grandchild.

the sooner the better

like fuck marriage, they want to see results first.

in the three days you spent there, you notice how yours and wakatoshi's tea is different, like is that some kinda ginseng floating around there-? type of different

or how they dug up all of his cute baby pics aww, look at his cute bare bottom

i also hc wakatoshi used to thumbsucc the left thumb it b cute and adorable, you were gushing until whoever was talking to you say that they can't wait to see him have a son or a daughter

anyway, the party soon came along

wakatoshi loved it when he saw you playing with the cousins' children, and how much you just fit in with the family

if he could, he'd have gotten on his knee there to propose, though he didn't have a ring... also, he didn't want to steal the spotlight from his grandma

sometimes he wonders if you were actually a long lost relative

bc also goddamn, your cooking is *chef's kiss* top notch, michelin chef, gordon ramsay approved

and what better way to reward yourself for a job well done is to self-appreciate the craft you yourself created

needless to say, your big appetite got yourself a big food baby after dinner

thus it was now bedtime, children were now asleep, other relatives already back in their own homes

this was the last night you two were staying over

you were lying on your side, face to face with wakatoshi; you were the one mostly doing the talking, jumping from family matters to his volleyball career

then your hand idly rested on your belly, rubbing it, and then you laugh, recalling the encounter you had with some of the Ushijima elders and aunts

"toshi, they really want me to get pregnant so bad. do you think they'll stop pestering me if i show myself like this?" you pat your food baby belly and snicker

his eyes wander towards your belly and he just froze in his spot

the sight of and the prospect of you carrying his child in that body of yours just flipped a switch inside of him. he reaches for your face, eyes now locked with yours. you melt under his big, warm hand, unaware of the brewing storm of emotions your boyfriend was having

"y/n"

"hmm?"

"i think the aunts are right,"

"what...?"

"i... want you to have my child, but... do you?"

which basically translates into "i want to fuck your brains out, may i?"

consent is sexy mhhm

he's so gentle, so careful with his movements, he treats your body like a sacred temple, his every kiss a wordless declaration of worship;

this baby bear was honestly just afraid of breaking you because he knows after that night, wakatoshi jr. will be next who's going to stir up your insides to make space for its growth

you really had to beg him, "more, harder!"

you really had to taunt him, "how are you gonna make me pregnant if you don't go deeper–oh,"

wakatoshi let go of the last string of self-control he had, that your face was pushed against the tatami mat, ass in the air, your hips slapping against each other

you oh-so-tried not to make much noise, but you knew how much wakatoshi loved that

you were sure that anyone who happened to pass by that room was gonna be so embarrassed yet so elated at the huge possibility of having another member to The Ushijima clan

[writingsbyshay67ss]

It's The Little Things

Characters: Damon x Reader x Stefan

Summery: You had a really bad week after dealing with Klaus and needed to get away for a little while but knew there was no time or space to do that. Damon noticed you were needing to get away and he knew just what to do. 

Warnings: Extreme Cuteness and some Smut. You were warned NOT PG-13🖤🔥

Also this story explains what happens to the reader prior to what is happening here. Sorry your half to just wait till the other one is finished.

Xoxo- Enjoy!

Damon and Stefan were arguing over what needed to be done about Klaus but all you could do was sigh and roll your eyes at them because out of everything that had happened you just wanted them to see you and give you the attention you needed to feel better. Instead they wanted to get revenge on the enemy. You begin to walk out of the room and Stefan stopped in mid sentence and look over at you and asked “Are you okay Y?” You turn around and take a dim view of the two and said “How could you two just sit there and fight over what needs to be done with Klaus and not ask me if I need anything or if I want something to be done. Ofcourse I do but right now all I need is your support and you guys can’t even do that. How long is it going to take you to realize I don’t need you to save me from all the evil in the world. I got myself out of that situation right now because you guys were to busy trying to find away to kill him. Well here is a news flash YOU CAN’T. So please stop trying to fight him. He isn’t going anywhere until he wants to leave on his own.” Damon looked down at the floor with  mortification in his eyes. They had no idea you felt this way because you were too perfect at hiding your feelings. Damon had an idea that something was up but he didn’t think twice about it knowing you would have told them if you truly didn’t feel well, but this time he knew he was wrong all about you. Stefan’s face show’d a bit of a wtf expression and looked down at the floor underneath him. Damon then looked back at you and crossed his dark coarse brows and said, “Y, if you truly felt this way why not have said something sooner?” You cut a dangerous look at him and aggressively spoke “Because would you guy still not tried to kill Klaus and made things a lot worse?” Stefan glanced back up liking his lips then standing to his feet. Walking towards you and pulled you into his muscle-bound arms and held you snug making your body shake with tear breaking  lamentations causing Damon to gather some things for a trip for the two of you. 

Stefan releases you from his grip and looks into your wet eyes and wipes the left side of your face with his right hand and tells you “Please don’t cry Y. We will make it up to you i promise you.” Damon comes back to the room with a bag of things unknown and grabs you up from couch and tosses you over his shoulder carrying you to his car and letting you down by the door. “Get in.” You look at him with confusion as Stefan runs out to car. “Where are we going?” You say with a slight smile. “Damon did you really have to do that?” Stefan growled out of jealousy. “Yes brother, because she needed to be playfully swept off her feet.” “Okay that still doesn’t tell me where you are wanting to take me.” “If i tell you it wouldn’t be as fun. Stefan brother, let me do this for her she needs some time away from everything and everyone and I know just the place to take her to feel whatever it is she needs to feel right now.” Stefan nods agreeing with his brother even though he was the one who wanted to make her feel better. (If you have not noticed I also made them both want to be with the reader just like the real story line in the show.)  “Get in. Please.” Damon says with the gestor of his hand. You slide into the passenger seat hesitantly but also curiously wanting to see where this would go. You had a crush on both brothers but something about Damon made you want him even more now. Stefan steps aside and watches his brother drive away with the girl also curious as to what he had plan.

 Driving Damon let you take control of the radio, which he never allows, then looks over at your hand then back at the road as he gently intertwined his fingers with yours causing you to  catch your breath as your heart dropped. Your face flushed red and you gulped as you got read to speak. “Where are we going Damon?” He pet the top of your hand with his thumb as the words came out of his mouth rusky and lustful. “You’ll find out when we get there.” You quickly regret asking the question and went back to silently looking out the window watching the bright colors of nature pass you by. Damon kept a close eye on you the whole way of this little adventure. You couldn’t help but notice he never let go of your fragile hand. After awhile you finally let go and sigh at the fact your butt was starting to no longer feel the leather seat beneath you. “Are we there yet?” You say impatiently. Just as you did he pulled into a camp sight and parked the car by the significantly small Cafe a little ways down the gravel pathway. 

“Do you need anything?” He smiled as he leaned over closer to your face. “No, i’m fine thank you.” “If you say so. Change your mind call me.” “Yes sir Mr. Boss Man.” As you scrunch your face in trying to be cute and failing miserably in your opinion. “Alrighty.” Damon walks away and steps inside the small building. You look back out the window and realize this place looked familiar. This was the same place you use to go to as a child with your parents. Your mom loved that little Cafe and your dad always complained she spent all her time there writing on her book instead of spending time with you and him fishing by the lakeside. Damon comes back with a water a bag of stuff and a key to one of the cabins nearby. “Did you know I spent a lot of my childhood here?” “No, I did not.” “Don’t lie to me.” “Okay yes I knew. I figured this was one of your favorite places growing up you spoke about it sometimes when you were drunk but we never spoke about it sober till now.” Damon gazes at you as you smiled from ear to ear. “What?” He said. “Nothing. Just curious to know what else happened while I drank around you guys.” 

Giggling Damon looked over at you and put his hand on your thigh. “Nothing sweetheart. Just stories of what you enjoyed the most.”  You have two thoughts running through your mind. One, Damon was going to take you fishing and talk about your feelings or two, he was going to pull you inside the cabin and come onto you like a dog in heat. You couldn’t tell by the way he was acting. The two of you pull into the gravel drive of the cabin by the lake and you began to get nervous. Damon proceed to pull into the small parking area and put it in park then opens your door taking reaching his hand down for yours. Pulling you up you lean into his body giving him a hug for being so nice to you on the way up. You then walk towards to cabin as Damon grabbed the bag from the backseat and followed you not far behind.

As he opened the door you stepped inside and he behind. “If you’re hungry you are just gonna have to wait till I am finished setting it up. Now go get dressed into something outdoorsy and meet me outside by the lake in 15 minutes.” “And where am I supposed to get these clothes at?” “The bag I carried in and laid on the bed down the hall to the left.” “How long are you planning us to be staying here?” You say with slight attitude. “Just a few days Y. You need a break from everything. Even if it’s me just say the word.” “No, I’m glad you brought me here.” smiling you went and changed then met Damon by the lake. 

You stepped out onto the green hair on the ground and take a deep breath in as you felt the sun kiss your body gracefully as you tilt your head back and smell the crisp midsummer air. The wind was blowing just enough to keep you cooled off. Damon watches as you take in the moment and he fills with happiness as you walk towards him. “You look beautiful Y.” “Thank you Damon. Did you set all this up just now?" "Yes, is it too much?" "No it's nice. The way you placed everything is perfect." "I hope you like cheese and ham sandwhiches because that's all I could grab from the cafe." "Yes thank you." You pause to take in another moment of the lake as is sparkled with life.

"You know my dad use to bring me and my mom up here to spend family time and my mom would just stay cooped up in the cabin writing in her journal for hours while my dad and I stayed out here fishing for hours on end. He always told me it was to teach me patience and that it would teach me to be grateful for the little things in life, that they wouldn't always be there. He really knew just what to say without even knowing there was anything wrong with me. I really miss him." You hated widenedly out onto the water as if it was just going to up and disappear right in front of your eyes. "Y, can I ask you something?" You nod giving him permission. "Do you want me to give you some time out here alone?" "No. I love being out here with you. It's so peaceful and quiet." You lay on the cover he placed on the bed of earth underneath a shaded tree and look up into the curvy branches and watch the birds fly in and out of the tree and listen to them sing along with the others nearby.

For hours you and Damon lay taking in what nature had to offer the day. Damon finally turns onto his side and looks at you in amazement. "What?" You say curiously. "You just look happy and at ease. I'm glad." "Damon?" "Yes?" "Do you want like me?" "What do you mean like you? Ofcourse I do. If I didn't I would not be out here giving you the best time of your life." "I'm serious." "Yes I like you." "Would you want me to be in your life forever?" "Now what kind of question is that? Yes, i would hate for you to up and just leave. But if it is what would make you happy I wouldn't make you stay." "Damon I'm scared." "You shouldn't be. I'm here with you and I will never let anyone or anything come to you and hurt you." Damon stays up and leans over your body and pulls you up by your hands and puts you over his shoulders and starts to spin around in a circle. Making you laugh and beg him to out you down when he does and begins to tickle you making you laugh so hard you made no noise. "Damon stop! Ah!" Laughing uncontrollably you ball up trying to keep him from getting your sides again. "Okay. Okay!" You yell "I give I give!" "Good, I love hearing you laugh though. It's cute."

The sun started to go to rest and between the ride up and being outside all day you were ready to go inside and relax by the fire place and roast some marshmallows. "Can you start the fire in the house for me please? I'd like to roast some marshies." "Sure thing." Damon raised up and headed to the cabin as you laid out on the grass for a little while longer while Damon went inside to get the fire started. The sun finally set in the distance when Damon came back and as he got closer to you it began to rain. You stood in the rain flinging your arms out to your sides and raised them up into the air sticking your tongue out catching the tears of the sky. Damon felt alive watching you. He never thought about being human since his brother made him transition into a vampire in 1864.

Watching you he knew if he could be alive humanly he would want it to only be with you. You notice he came out and looked at him with happiness all over your face. He knew you may get mad at him for what he was about to do but he didn't care. All he knew was he wanted you. He wanted to be with you in every way possible and every nerve in his body was telling him to go for it. So, doing so he walked up to you and grabbed the back of your head and kissed you so passionately you couldn't help but fall into place with his lips.

  ---

 The rain fell on your bodies and the moment felt like it lasted forever before one of you broke free from the other. "Damon." "I know you don't have to say anything. I couldn't help but not kiss you after watching you today. You make me feel alive Y, and you can be mad at me and tell me to take you home but I felt it. You are so special and you deserve the world and everything it had to offer you. You belong to be with someone who makes you happy and I want to be that person for you." Damon said still holding your face. "Shut up." You press your lips against his once more and he picks you up and carries you into the cabin and when you hop down you walk backwards towards the couch then Damon pulls you in by your lower back and as he kisses you again he lays you down on the couch and gently lays between your legs thrusting his hips against your inner thighs. Taking his shirt off and throwing it to the side he reaches for the bottom of your top and lifts it gently over you head then moves down off the couch and undo's your ripped jeans kissing your stomach alone the way. Both in the moment and not thinking about everything back home. A brief moment later he lifts you up off the couch and carries you to the bedroom making you giggle along the way. Damon tosses you on the bed the takes his pants off, you can his bulge through his thin boxer briefs and smile as he climbs on top of you.  

You both are moving perfectly against each other and moaning in pleasure, his hands are on your hips pulling you in as close to his as he can. There’s not enough room, you move him back and Placing yourself on the bed he’s watching as he follows. He lays gently on top of you kissing down your neck to your tits and down your stomach then back up again grabbing at your hips as he does. You push him aside and straddle him teasing as you place one hand on his chest the other on his shaft. It feels so good in your hand you wanted more you had to have more. So you got it, you slide his boxers down and off his legs then back up and taking in his large shaft and your wet walls began to throb against his cock making him grab ahold of you tight as he watches your breast bounce. .

Your bodies are hot as you melt together like hot glue. His hands tracing your frame he then pulls you down by the neck kissing you as he wraps his arm around you lifting you off and dropping you on the bed. You moan out begging for more. He pulls your legs apart again and shoves his cock deep inside this time fast enough for you to fall apart. Thrusting as hard and as fast as he can you can’t take anymore but you didn’t want this to end. Back arching mouth open making your voice echoing across the whole cabin. Deep in ecstasy you cum all over his throbbing cock, he can’t control himself needs wants more you want more, he flips you over bending you into doggy style one hand on your shoulder and the other on your neck kissing along your check bone he pulls you as close as he can ramming every inch of him inside and just as you were cumming he cums all inside you till he’s throbbing every drop deep inside. You both fall and he plays with your hair while you’re wrapped in his arms you knew you had fallen hard for Damon and you had no idea what was going to become of the two of you when you got back home. Damon leaves small kisses on you shoulder as he hummed a melody. "What am I going to do with you Y?" He says sighing into your ear. "I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me now." You laugh as you roll over to face him kissing him as he rolls you back over and begins round two.

[idkwhatawritingblogis]

alphabet nsfw meme; sierra.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex) sierra is honestly really cuddly. like, axel (or any partner, really.) can't just roll over and go to sleep immediately, she needs to get held by them and just have some real Soft Moments afterwards before any sleeping can be done. so chest to chest, her fingers in their hair. sometimes she is able to sleep without it, but. not often.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) her favourite bodypart of her own is her butt. or her tiddies. and for axel, it's his back. or his stomach.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person) i mean, she digs swallowing. but she also likes if axel ends up shooting his shot on her tiddies. she sees it as some weird marking thing. also, she doesn't mind getting cum on her face. she subscribes to the "jizz is great for your skin." world, so y'know.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) she's definitely fantasized about drew sexually at least once. while drunk on wine. but she'll never cop to it. she likes to block it out, ok. she drunk and lonely and probably sad.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) she is not very experienced at all, though most of her experience has come from axel. which he's very patient, especially as she tries to find herself and what she wants to try and stuff. she kinda wishes he'd suggest things more, but that's just because she's almost at a loss on what to do/try. one day, she'll search for porn and find /something/ but. we'll see.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual) sierra is really big into riding, which she never thought she would be because of her insecurities, but it's genuinely just her favourite. she loves how it makes her feel and just.. digs being on top and getting to look down at axel (probably because she's a smol bitch and he's a tol bitch, so role reversal, probably.)

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc) i mean, she's honestly pretty giggly?? like, it's never too serious, but never outright scream laughing. she'll crack jokes if she's feeling some kind of awkward way, but that happened more at the beginning. but still. sex isn't fun without laughs, so bye.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.) she trims. she doesn't know what she likes for grooming yet, but she's absolutely fucking terrified to get fully waxed, so that's not happening like, ever. and the carpet does not match the drapes, the carpet is much darker.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) she really likes to touch. it makes her feel connected. so even if they're doing the do, and changing positions and such, she wants to touch axel in some way, even for a few minutes. lot of face cupping. and rubbing his arms, weirdly. i don't know. it makes her feel intimate, okay. it's even better if it's slow, and that kinda MAKE LOVE~ bangs, but. y'know. she also is very vocal when it comes to complimenting during sex, so.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon) she rarely feels satisfied after masturbating. a lot of it is just a mental block that she has to kind of hop over herself, but she much prefers to play with someone else than just herself. so.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks) one of her secret, that she hasn't accepted or whatever, kinks is like.. collaring. but then she sees Other People and it weirdly creeps her out but she kinda wants one of those little cute collars. not related to animal things. i think she just mainly digs the aesthetic but. idk. one day she wants one and for axel to have a lil chain leash to pull her with. don't @ me. i don't know what other kink she has. public sex, i s'pose. public things. she's real into that, even if it's terrifying.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do) IN THE FOREST. against the trees. on the ground. in the lil lake thing. anywhere in there. it's always her fav, even if it was winter, and she just finds it way romantic.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going) dirty talking for reaaaal. and like, mega neck kissing. whispering in the ear. y'know. grope her bum a little, and wow, wouldja look at that, she's gonna rub it against you.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) fisting. like she is absolutely not into that, will not try it, try to fist her and she will kick you in the face so fucking face. it's not even funny. Do Not. she also has a bad turn off to bad breath. like real bad. gtf level bad.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) i mean, she's rarely gonna say no to getting oral, but she really digs giving it more. she really did realise what deepthroating was cause of glee, and she knows she can do it and when she does it and gets the reaction she wanted?? she is just beamin' happily.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) it depends on the day, ok. it really does. the mood. sometimes a bitch wanna be slow and sensual and Loved.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) well i mean. she's for it. she's participated in some. they're great for momentarily scratching an itch if there's a time crunch. like when either her or axel's plane is gonna leave and they wanna get one last bang in before not seeing each other for month. she obviously prefers the full blown kinda sex, but quickies can be hot. esp if their clothes are still on and underwears just pulled to the side. sick.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) well, she likes public bangs, so yes, there's risk involved there. she's also really game to experiment. like she kind of is open to trying a lot of things at least once? unless she's immediately turned off by something.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) i mean. she doesn't know how many rounds for sure. at least like, two. three, she might be too tired. she doesn't last too long, though, like. axel's good at what he does, and she knows he knows that from how easy she can end up being in his hands.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?) she does own toys, and they mostly came from axel, so they could do some distance play. the remote controlled vibrator gets used the most because axel is a goddamn MENACE. but she has fun with it, when it works and stuff. for her own self, she really just has a decent lil vibe, kinda old, she just hasn't bothered to buy a new one. i do not believe she has sex toys to use on axel. not yet. maybe One Day.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) god. she's annoying by how much she likes to tease and the lowkey power trip it gives her, like. when she got to tease axel last time she was in FL, and he was at work?? she was like yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas. and it led to, in her opinion, one of the best sex experiences they've ever had together.  she also sends him teasing nudes. to be a douche.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) LMAO. sierra is a very loud girl. like. exceptionally loud. she can't help it. being quiet is an issue for her, and one she should probably work on, especially with her love for the public bangs, buuuuuuut. she's a moaner and honestly, kind of like a squeaker. it feels weird to say she's like an anime character, but it's like that, just not on a creepy childish level, ok.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice) when she cums, it's like she's seizing the fuck out. full blown shakes, she can't really help it. she is Feeling It. and also she's dramatic. so it fits her. goodbye.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words) .. she got a vagina and some tiddies fam wtf

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?) honestly it's pretty high. if she was consistently getting sex, she probably would chill out at least a little, but she's definitely on a "oh i want it all the time, why can't i have it" trip at the moment. thirsty lil shit she is.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) like i said earlier, she needs some snug time before sleeping but once that's done, she can pass out pretty easily. she's usually exhausted after sex.

[mypersonalthoughtse30]

11/5/2020 9pm

Dear bub

I start this with a warning, this is my perspective and this is long. I have not decided If I will show you this. If you are reading this then well I guess I did, please read it all.

I cant find the strength to be what you need. Which kills me inside because I love you so much. I thought I was strong by holding things in and acting strong but I was wrong. I held things in; I should have told you about my depression.

I hit an all time low in my life around february, I thought I wanted to die for a little while. I could never bring myself to that, I would seek help but that doesnt stop on the worst of days having that thought. This all amplified by incessant alcoholism.

Then I got out of his house. Alot of pressure was taken off my shoulders. I may have left because it was gross but I didnt move in with you for any other reason then I love you and wanna be with you day and night.

You are my best friend and I love spending every minute with you. BUT I was still on a downward spiral. There was clear signs of extreme depression, I was unmotivated in every way: work, life, moving from the couch. You experienced it. You watched me drink myself into the ground. I had no control. I was losing myself and no one was realizing it but me.

Now let me tell you a side comment, I had a miserable childhood outside my home. I never fit in, I was bullied, while I am strong, it still did its damage. I was so deeply hurt by california that when I ran to Kansas it was alright. I went from millions within 30 mins of me to less then 100k. While I struggled initially in Kansas I made friends and was just happy to not be in socal. As I went through college I was not bullied this time by students but by our faculty. Not in the direct way but they made our lives alot harder ask mr Jones. By the time we met I resented kansas so much I prayed for relief.

Welp then we met. Really the first and only good thing to have come out of going to kansas.

Skip ahead, When I got back to my hometown I realized that all the cruel and evil people from growing up were distant memories, the amount I remember is lessened by the day. The amount of people here also means I'm heavily unlikely to even see these douches anymore. I was suddenly no longer angry at my home. While I had this sigh of relief and removal of stress, I inherently knew I was going back to kansas with you guys but, I realized I'm better off here healing. While kansas has become what california was to me.

I have been so fucking damaged this year that it was unfair to you. You didnt get the 100% package you deserved and so I felt i had to stay and get better. Many factors led into why i stayed tho. Alot of it was my family and I really needed their support and to be in therapy.

While i love you to death, theres something's only a brother's love can heal. I never wanted to stay this long but I was getting better. I was waking up and doing things. I was going out and finding motivation. I was starting to cheer up and heavily research a job, In texas. But none the less a job.

I have tried to save money but it is expensive to even exist here so I have maybe 200$. Not enough sadly. Honestly I hate that I wasnt helping but I was so broken. The thing is I am not telling you this for pity. I dont want to be pitied. I didnt lie to you about any of this. But like an idiot I pushed you away. I told you you couldnt help when you always did.

Wtf have I done. Honestly I am only smoking at night lately and since you left I've gotten drunk maybe 4 times. When you dumped me I said I was going to get high and drunk, but I just sat there and stared at my tv not turned on for an hr after. I knew what happened and that i caused it trying to help myself and i began to feel alot of shame in myself. Shame because I was trying to help myself and I felt Its what I got for being so self absorbed. Then I felt shame for mucking up such a good thing.

Needless to say our break up has hurt me, I lose my breath in anxiety when I think of what has happened and I just hate it.

I figured because I am writing out my perspective, that I would express my apologies for some things I feel I did or said that was inappropriate or awful of me.

Boob job and boobs jokes

I love your body I never should joke about it I need to stop. This also targets all other body comments I shouldn't do that to someone I love.

Wedgies wet Willie's and spanks

While I was being playful it got excessive but alot of this was a cry for attention. I was just trying to get you to tackle me and hug me I was so sad inside. I was screaming internally, save me.

The many times I said I'd finish your car and didnt.

Honestly this was alot of the depression and lack of motivation destroying me. I literally didn't have the will power. I'm sure if you look back you'll notice sometimes I'll have a good day and get alot done then 3 days of nothing and it was me have a good day for once.

I feel bad about many of my jokes and If I ever get the chance would like to work on changing my troll behavior, I think it is partially a side effect of depression though I am to blame.

Now, while neither of us want marriage, I always wanted to maintain a relationship and bond between us that was as strong as marriage. I thought we did but I was wrong. While I dont want marriage it's not actually for the reasons I openly say. I just say them cause they're funny and partially true I guess. I plan to take alot of financial risks in the coming years and do not want to risk my partners way of life. I usually blame divorce or how miserable people are or what not. Believe it or not there was a time I really wanted to get married and there will be a time again but I am not at that point in my life just like you arent which is something I always felt helped our relationship so much. It allowed us to really focus on each others soul and not just be together but to actually enjoy each others presence was something that is once in a life time.

I keep writing. If I'm not careful I will end up with a novel. If I showed this to you: I love you Emily. I want to talk to you but I do not have the words to express why I have done what I did. That is why I have written this. I felt I could Express myself better in a written form.

Whether we get back together or never talk again I wanted you to know that you are amazing and I didn't stay here because I felt else wise.

Love,

Me

I am very afraid for what lies ahead right now.

[hayjeon]

Girls Like You (ft. Jeongguk)

→ badboy!jk, jock!au, prequel (part 2) to You Who [M] (part 1 here) → 8k words, (lots of fluff, slight smut, tiny bit angst)

A/N: Yay! Thank you everyone for enjoying the badboy!jk couple! You Who was my first fic to get to 1k notes, and after uploading the prequel pt. 1, I reached 1k! Thank you everyone again, I’ll be following up with a post soon! :) 

In the meantime, go check out my other tae fic, Give and Take, that I uploaded as another surprise :) It’s a similar au that I wrote before this prequel, so I think you guys’ll like it! 

You woke up with raging headache and you squinted your eyes at the sun shining through your blinds as you sit up. Grabbing your phone, you see the time 10:42 am along with other texts from Jihyo and Jungyeon. Groaning, you thank the stars that its Saturday morning and you have no other obligations today. You walk over to the kitchen and grab yourself a cup of water and chug it and rub your eyes. 

Your roommate walks out and laughs at your state. “Rough night?” 

You squint at her. “Oh god, I don’t even remember how I got home.” 

Nayeon frowns at you, “You don’t? I was next door, and I heard you talking with Jeongguk. Seems like he put you to bed then.” 

You scrunch your eyebrows. You distinctly remember going to get drinks after Jeongguk told you about the divorce, but everything after the moment you left the food truck was blurry. You gag, and clutch your mouth as you run to the restroom and empty your stomach into the toilet bowl. Nayeon just follows you silently and pats your back as you cough. “Damn, haven’t seen you get drunk in a really long time.” 

You groan, flushing and grabbing your toothbrush. “Ugh, I remember why I hate drinking, I’m a fucking lightweight and hangovers suck.” 

You finish brushing your teeth and grab your phone to send Jeongguk a quick text as you eat your cereal. 

[To: JK, 11:01 AM] Hey, thanks for bringing me home last night. Ugh, I have a horrible headache :( 

Usually Jeongguk is quick to respond, but even after finishing your cereal and getting out of a long hot shower, your phone is silent. You assume he’s busy with practice and reply to Jihyo and Jungyeon. 

[To: group message, 11:32 AM] Hi, im awake

[From: Jihyo, 11:33 AM] good morning sleeping beauty, it’s been a while since u woke up so late

[To: gm, 11:33 AM] Sorry i got shit drunk last night :( and i passed out until now

[From Jungyeon, 11:33 AM] uh WTF with who? tfti 

[To: gm, 11:34 AM] jeongguk

[From: Jungyeon, 11:35 AM] ugh I told you to be careful of him! what if he like convinced u into sex or something?!

[To: gm, 11:35 AM] ugh shut up he even put me in bed, relax

[From: Jihyo, 11:37 AM] just be thankful it wasn’t his bed

[To: gm, 11:37 AM] omg its not a big deal stop

[From: Jihyo, 11:37 AM] its so obvi u like him, we’re just trying to protect you.

[From: Jungyeon 11:38 AM] ya...heard from lisa today that the rumor is true. he humped and dumped jennie the other night 

[From: Jihyo, 11:38 AM] omg... srsly, why do you even like him? 

You set down your phone with a groan, curling up in your sheets, feeling a bit sick again at the reminder of the fact that Jeongguk did not see you as anything other than a friend. Which explains why he was okay with tucking you in with no problem and fucking a gorgeous girl like Jennie. You sighed as you closed your eyes. 

Jeongguk growls as he benches another five pounds on his personal best. Gritting his teeth he lifts the bar once, twice, before clanging it back on the original position, his phone lying discarded next to him. What a fucking joke. 

It was just his luck that you were too drunk to remember what exactly had happened. Just his luck that he ended up falling for the one girl that was exactly the kind of girl who deserved more than guys like him. You understood him, you were independent, kind, real, smart, sassy, funny, and everything he’d wanted in a girl. But he was the kind of guy who did one-night stands, who ended up unknowingly winning the bet on who got to fuck Jennie first, played football and was forced to attend huge parties where he got piss drunk again and ended up waking up with a ranging headache and an unknown body naked next to him. Rinse, and repeat. 

He never intended for it to become like this. What started as just getting accustomed to the team and its dynamics ended up in him developing an ego much too big for him to control, and a sex drive that he indulged too much. And now, it was too late. For once, he’d found something he wanted to prove himself to, pouring into his studies to impress you and convince you that he wouldn’t fuck you over like other athletes, and going lengths to salvage a friendship with you instead of scaring you off with the rumors of him being a fuckboy. The actions he did were genuine, he loved being able to walk you home to spend just a few more minutes with you, and tried his hardest to never miss your food truck nights. Whenever he saw you struggling with the huge textbooks, he found it natural to just sling his football bag over his shoulder and grab it from you, the thankful gleam in your eye when you smiled at him a much more than generous prize for his actions. 

You were different. You were honest, yet kind. You were funny, but still he found it so easy to just spill all his thoughts and concerns to you. You were so, so smart and diligent, and he really thought it was your most attractive feature, how driven you were on accomplishing something. And most important to him, was the fact that you knew��him. He’d scrolled through your other texts that night, seeing how you defended him against your friends’ quite valid accusations about him. And his heart sank when he realized you harbored feelings for him since a while ago, feeling that he returned but was too much of an asshole to own up to. 

Because you truly deserved better. 

He was pumping again when Shownu walked up to him, offering to spot him. Jeongguk nodded and continued pumping the bar. The older boy commented, “Hey, so, you know that girl you’ve been hanging out with recently? Y/N?” 

Jeongguk pauses, “What about her?” 

Shownu grins, “Well Wonho and I have a bet going on to see which one of us can a nerd’s virginity first. And since you know this girl, wanna hook me up?” 

It all happens way too fast. Jeongguk slams the bar down in its place and gets up from the bench and lunges at Shownu, landing a hard punch straight on the linebacker’s jaw and kneels on top of him with his hands at the collar of his shirt. “Don’t you fucking dare to try that shit with her! I’ll fucking kill you!” He yells out, shaking the guy. 

The other guys training in the gym run over, grabbing the quarterback and yanking him away from Shownu, who’s bleeding from a busted lip. Smirking he taunts Jeongguk. “Why, you like her or something? Ha! Should’ve known your style was a cutesy little quiet nerd like her.” 

Jeongguk lunges again, but Jimin is there to pull his arms back. “Yo, bro, quit it. If coach sees, you’ll be off the team.” He mutters, and Jeongguk calms down, breathing heavily. He yanks his arms away from the boys and stomps towards the locker room. 

Jimin looks at Shownu who smirks at Jeongguk’s retreating figure. He’s never seen the younger one so angry before. “Not cool man.” He glares at the linebacker before jogging after Jeongguk. 

He finds the younger player sitting on the locker benches, his head in his hands. 

“Hey, bro, you ok?” He sits besides Jeongguk and waits for him to respond. 

“I’m fine.” He grits out and Jimin frowns. “Uh, well, you’re clearly not, so I’m not gonna leave until you tell me what’s been up your ass this whole time.” 

When Jeongguk doesn’t respond, Jimin carefully tests the waters. “Is it... is it Y/N?” 

Jeongguk stands up, grabbing his towel and heading towards the showers. “I don’t want to talk about it hyung.” 

Jimin watches him leave and glances at his phone on the bench. In the lock screen is another unopened message that Jeongguk probably hasn’t seen yet. 

[From: Y/N, 12:43 PM] Hey, are you ok? Can we talk? 

So he gets an idea and swipes the message open, using the quick reply option to text back a response before tucking it into the pocket of Jeongguk’s duffel bag.

[To: Y/N, 12:44 PM] Yeah, meet me at the game tonight. We can talk after. Wear my jersey.

You’re a bit giddy at the thought of finally going to one of Jeongguk’s games. Apparently, according to Nayeon, getting invited to a football player’s game wa a pretty big deal. In addition, wearing his jersey was also a pretty clear sign of interest. A glimmer of hope was in your chest, because Nayeon also mentioned that no girl had been invited to Jeongguk’s games, and better yet, he’d never invited any girl to wear his jersey before. 

Not even Jennie. So you smile as you check your hair, curled to perfection, once last time and smooth the jersey over your jean shorts. You’d paired some regular black converse with the look and a white t-shirt underneath the jersey to make the emerald green and yellow colors pop. Turning around, you smile at the large 58 with “JEON” stitched over it. Someone had dropped off the jersey at your door, and you suspected it was the one who lived three floors up. 

You check your phone and text Jihyo and Jungyeon that you’re on your way as you hitch a ride with them to the game. They, despite being quite studious, were still into the football games and went often. So you decide to sit with them. The bleachers are already packed when the three of you arrive, and Jihyo breaks off to go buy your snacks, and you and Jungyeon go to find some good seats. Thankfully, theres a small space for the three of you pretty close to the middle front, and you plop down before someone else can get it. 

Jihyo returns and you three chew on your nachos and hot dogs happily as you watch the game. You avoid their prying questions about your jersey and watch as Jeongguk literally owns the team. The stands erupt in cheers as he scores another touchdown, and he doesn’t even give them a glance as he runs back to center. You scream along with them, pumping your fists into the air and yelling his name. 

But he doesn’t even look your way, though, you note with a disappointed purse of your lips. 

Maybe its because he’s so into the game, you think, and you stand up to go to the restroom when halftime is called. 

You’re standing in line for a refill of your drink per sans Jihyo’s request, when someone taps you on your shoulder. You whirl around to see someone in a jersey with a helmet on so you smile widely. 

“Jeongguk?” 

The figure whips his helmet off and only then, you recover from your excitement and realize that this guy is shorter than Jeongguk and has a different number on his jersey. A handsome guy, with red lips and sweaty black hair smiles down at you. “Hey, Y/N right?” 

You nod hesitantly, gripping the cups in your hand. Since when did football boys know your name? “Uh, yeah. And you are?” 

He tucks his helmet under his arm. “Wonho. Nice to meet you. What brings you here? Jeongguk?” 

You nod, biting your lip as you take his outstretched hand. He holds on a little too long for your liking. “Um, yeah.” 

He smirks down at you, licking his lips. Other people in the line are glancing at the receiver chatting up the girl who had Jeongguk’s jersey on. “You guys dating or something?” 

You frown, “Uh, no, but it’s none of your business.” 

He holds up two defensive hands. “Woah, my bad. It’s just because I wanna get to know you a little better. How about you come to the afterparty?” 

“What afterparty?” 

He cocks his head as he hears a whistle, signaling for him to make his way back. “Basically, this team here is good, but we beat them every single year. We have parties whenever we win, and Jeongguk will be there too! You should come! Just hitch a ride with anyone and they’ll be going to Seokjin’s house. That’s where the party’ll be!” 

When you hesitate, he just throws another smirk at you as he jogs backwards. “See ya there!” He turns and runs towards the pit. And you step up to your spot in line, confused, but a little excited. 

As expected, your college’s team wins with an easy victory, and the crowd erupts in cheers. Jimin yells into the mic about the party, and the football team disappears into the pit. You try to follow, to try and get a conversation with Jeongguk and congratulate him, but you’re swept away by the rush of people getting out of the stands and into the carpools to Seokjin’s party. Sighing, you give up and hitch a ride with some girls from your math class to the house. 

It’s a huge mansion, the frat house, and is already booming with music and drunken people are dancing lewdly when you enter. It’s your third time at a party like this, and you recall why you haven’t forced yourself to come again to something like after the second. Parties like this weren’t your thing, and you hated how hot and claustrophobic it felt and how loud these things were. 

But you tack on a smile as you see the football boys getting out from their trucks in the parking lot a few minutes later, freshly showered and greeting the guests with handshakes and loud cheers. Before you can spot Jeongguk though, Wonho, from earlier jogs up to you with a wide smile. 

You can’t help but feel a tiny bit cautious around him, something about him was so off-putting. But he greets you politely, and smiles as he maneuvers you away from the entrance of the house and towards the kitchen. You look back to try and catch a glimpse of Jeongguk, but he’s quite insistent, so you let him guide you away. Leaning against the bar, he asks, “So how are you liking the party.” 

You bite your lip as you eye the dance floor and the overflowing drinks. “Um, I just got here so...” He notices your hesitation and smiles, “Well, then you gotta drink!” Ignoring your protests, he walks away from the counter, claiming to grab you a drink. You watch him leave with a pout, wanting to just go find Jeongguk. 

You sit down on a stool, observing your surroudings. The large living room has been converted into a dance floor, the DJ on the second floor bouncing along with the crowd to a loud beat that’s ringing in your skull. You can see couples giggling and jogging up the steps to hide away in one of the countless rooms, or making out furiously in the corners. In the dining room, there are boys who are chanting, “Drink drink drink!” at the new frat boy recruits, holding the poor kids above their heads as they stick a tube into his mouth and force him to chug the bag of beer. On the dining table, some people are doing body shots. You cringe as in the den you can see some guys whipping off their shirts and girls giggling as they remove theirs too in a game of strip poker. 

Was this the kind of world that Jeongguk enjoyed when he wasn’t hanging out with you? You frown as people elbow you and bump into you as they drunkenly stagger towards the dance floor, regret rising in you as you strain your neck to see where Jeongguk is. But he’s nowhere to be found. 

Actually, he’s sitting in the living room, in a corner where a few couches are clustered, sipping on his drink as he boredly ignores the chatter of the annoying girl next to him. He shakes off her arm when she gets too close, and rolls his eyes when she leaves with a huff. Jimin notices and plops down next to him. “Bro, you feeling better after the game?” 

Jeongguk finishes off his cup with a glare. “What are you talking about?”  

Jimin is drunk, clapping Jeongguk on the shoulder. “Well, you won, and Y/N was there to see it and all!” 

Jeongguk whips his head to him. “What did you say?” 

Jimin laughs again, too drunk to see his mistake. “I invited her to the game since you were too much of a little dramatic pussy to actually invite her yourself. She wore your jersey and everything!” 

Jeongguk stood up, knocking Jimin off his balance. “Where is she?” But Jimin was too drunk to respond, and passed out against the couch. 

“What the fuck?!” He grits out, grabbing his hair in frustration. There was a reason why he didn’t invite you to these things. It was because he didn’t want you to see how dirty these things were, and definitely after hearing what Shownu said the other day, didn’t want you fifty fucking feet near another football player. 

Yugyeom, one of the nicer boys from the team pipes up from the corner. “I think she’s here, Jeongguk.” He says lowly, and Jeongguk gapes. “How the fuck did she get here?” 

Yugyeom shrugs. “Not sure, but I saw her in the kitchen with Wonho hyung.” 

“Fuck!” Jeongguk surges up and out of the living room with a start, and storms into the kitchen. He sees Wonho leaning into you with a smirk and offering you a cup and he runs up and knocks the red thing out of your hand before you can lift it up to your lips. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He seethes at you, and he hates how his gut clenches at your face that splits into a bright smile like a fucking thousand christmas lights. “Jeongguk!” You exclaim, as he surprises you. “Uh, Wonho here invited me.” 

He turns to the smirking older male. Stepping up to him, he snarls, “You do anything to her, I’ll fucking kill you.” Wonho eyes the drink on the floor with a smirk and Jeongguk realizes with anger that the bastard had probably spiked the drink in order to win the bet. Glaring up at the male, he grabs his collar and growls, “I swear to god, you and Shownu better call off that fucking bet right now or I’ll make sure you won’t be able to say anything with that dirty little mouth of yours.” 

You jump up and grab onto Jeongguk’s arm, trying to pry him off of Wonho. “Jeongguk! Jeongguk, stop, it’s not a big deal! He was just being nice!” 

Wonho just sleazily smiles and yanks Jeongguk’s hands off of him. “Hear that? I was just showing her around. No need to get your panties in a twist man.” Patting his collar off, he assures the collecting crowd that everything was okay before winking at you and walking towards the cheerleaders. Jeongguk tenses up and pulls you behind him when he winks, and when Wonho disappears out of sight, turns to you with a glare. He sees you wearing his jersey, and wonders how the fuck that fell into your hands and how fate had messed up and dragged you straight into the trap that he was dreading on you witnessing. 

He grabs your wrist, ignoring the way you look up at him in slight fear, and drags you outside, where it’s decently quiet, away from prying eyes. 

“Ow, Jeongguk, let go!” You hiss as he finally lets go of your hand. You cradle it to you, the skin there red from his tight grip. He’s angry, and you’re not exactly sure why. 

“What’s your problem? You’re the one who invited me here and you’re acting like a little ass right now!” You yell, tears pricking your eyes. 

He visibly softens at the sight and steps up to try and comfort you. “Y/N, I’m sorry, that wasn’t me. One of the hyungs sent the text to you as a joke and dropped off my jersey to fool around with me.” 

Your heart sank at the words. He was angry because he didn’t want you here, didn’t want people like you mixing in with his friends. He watches as your expression falls and realizes how you misunderstood his words. 

“W-wait, Y/N, I didn’t mean it like that, wait,” He reaches out for your hand again, but the angry tears are already falling and you wipe them away with your hand before glaring up at him. You whip off the jersey, leaving you in only your white t-shirt and tearily croak out, “No, Jeongguk, I get what you mean.” and turn away and run down the sidewalk towards the bus stop. He catches the jersey and groans as he turns to run after you, but suddenly the music gets louder and his teammates rush him. 

They lift him up on their shoulders and throw him around, “Cheers to the quarterback! Drink! drink, drink!” They shove a shot into his hands and cheer as Jeongguk downs it, but by the time he comes back out and looks for your figure, you’re gone, the bus stop empty. 

What he doesn’t know is that while you were waiting at the bus stop, you were waiting for him too. One word, one action, and you were ready to apologize. But then you’re hugging yourself as the weather gets a little too cold, and someone walks up to you. 

“Well, isn’t it Y/N? The bitch that’s been dragging our Jeongguk-ie around on a leash.” You look up to see Jennie and her posse of girls glaring at you in their cheerleading outfits. 

You stand up, frowning. “Excuse me?” 

Jennie rolls her eyes. “Don’t play dumb with me, bitch. You call him your best friend and always try to get him to go on your little food truck dates. The entire school knows by now. What a joke.” Her friends titter as she smirks and continues, crossing her arms. 

“Let me warn you. Stay the fuck away from him. You know he’s been missing out on some of the parties because of you? And because of that he’s also been missing out on getting to know the team and the cheer squad. And it’s all because of your stupid little dates and you dragging him to the library. Give him some space, and stop making his life into a little charity event.” With that, she turns on her heel and walks away. The bus pulls up with a screech, and you clamber on, numb and still reeling in shock. 

You plop down on the seat, exhausted, and curl up in the corner and try to press yourself into as small of a ball as you can manage. Because the tears were coming, and this time, there was no one to hug you and make them go away.

Jeongguk wakes up again, recognizing the guest bedroom of the frat house, groaning as he rubs his eyes. It was 4 AM, and next to him a girl was passed out. With a glance at her face, he recognizes her as Rose, one of the girls from Jennie’s friend group and groans, realizing that this was going to cause ten times more drama than he wanted. Rolling out of bed, he grabs his clothes, a can of beer, and his phone and runs out, stepping over sleeping bodies and puddles of beer to get out of the house.

Last night was a mess. After you left, he threw himself into the alcohol, unable to man up enough to give you a call or even get in a taxi and try to find his way home, where he knows you’ll be. Because despite wanting to reach out and hug you close and reassure you that he’ll never hurt you again, is the nagging reality that literally, good girls like you deserved so much more than bad boys like him. 

So he digs his hands in his pockets against the cold breeze and begins briskly walking towards home. By the time he reaches the area, the sun has begun rising and he swigs back the drink and stumbles up the stairs towards your apartment. 

He collapses against it, forehead against the cool metal of your door, and bangs on it, yelling your name. 

After his drunken antics, two girls open the door, that he recognizes through his haze as Jihyo, your close friend, and Nayeon, your roommate. They glare at him with squinted eyes, clearly having been woken up by his fuss. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jihyo hisses. She makes a move to shut the door, but Jeongguk grabs the handle and yanks it back. “Please,” he mutters, “I need to see her.” 

Nayeon shakes her head. “She hasn’t been able to sleep all night because of you. Don’t you think it’s right to give her a little space?” When he doesn’t respond, she tries to close the door again but he slumps against the frame, croaking, “Please, please.” When they don’t budge and just glare down at him, he begins yelling drunkenly into the hall behind them. “Y/N?! Y/N! Please, please, let me explain myself!” 

Jihyo and Nayeon try to wrestle the door from him, and you emerge, your eyes red and puffy from crying. He stops and freezes when he sees you, and you walk up to him, and your friends disappear into the bedrooms to give you some spac. 

“What do you want, Jeongguk?” You whisper, and his heart sinks at the way your voice quivers. 

“I’m sorry. I never wanted to let you see me like that there,” he mumbles, still reeling from the drink. “I never invited you cause I didn’t want them to make bets on you,” he slurs, and you frown. 

“Jeongguk, what are you even saying?” 

He groans, slumping against the doorway. “’m just really scared of loosing you, that’s all...I really, you’re really m’ best friend ‘nd I like--” he slumps completely, and you scramble forward to catch him. Groaning under his weight, you steady yourself and call out to Jungyeon, and together, you both manage to shove him into the elevator and walk him to his apartment before letting him collapse onto the couch. He groans and mumbles your name and turns over, and you straighten up, glaring down at him with nothing to say. 

Jungyeon groans, “I swear I’m gonna fucking neuter him if he even comes across my sight again. You don’t deserve to be hurt like this, Y/N.” At the last thought, the water works begin and large tears roll down your cheeks. She coos, “Aww, Y/N,” and holds you to her as you sob again, unsure of how to feel. She guides you out the door and tucks you into your own bed, watching as you cry yourself to sleep for the second time that night. Looking at the time, it was already way too early in the morning to go back to sleep, so she shakes Jihyo up and storms out of the house with a glare of determination. 

“Okay, spit it out Park Jimin,” she snaps, crossing her arms at the frightened boy. “Or else I’ll literally grab the scissors over there in the cashier’s cup and jam it down your crotch.” Jimin glances nervously at the said cup and shakingly crosses his legs, cupping his family jewels. 

“W-what’s going on?” 

Jihyo rolls her eyes. “Oh, you know what’s going on. Why did you prank Y/N like that? We know you sent her the text with Jeongguk’s phone.” 

He recalls the incident and winces. “Oh shit, my bad. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way.” 

Jihyo glares, leaning forward with a glare. “My bad? My bad is what you say when you come and go to sleep before I even get a chance to take my pants off. My bad is what assholes like you say when you make a tiny mistake, not screw someone’s entire reputation and life over!” 

He holds his hands up in defense. “Okay, okay! Jeez, you’ll never let me live down that moment ever, won’t you?” Sighing, he leans forward. “I only sent that text to her because Jeongguk was being a little pussy. He clearly likes Y/N.” 

Jungyeon stops, “Huh?” 

Jimin nods, “He got really mad when Shownu and Wonho made a bet on who can get into a nerd’s pants first. So when Shownu asked Jeongguk to set him up with Y/N, he flipped.” 

Jungyeon curls her lip in a sneer. “You guys are literally, so disgusting.” 

Jimin nods sheepishly. “Well, I wasn’t part of it, so...yeah. But anyways, Jeongguk really likes her but he mentioned that he can’t make a move because he doesn’t want her to get a bad reputation from him. Did you guys say something to him that made him think like that?” 

Jihyo frowns, “Uh...well like we do tell her that she deserves better than him, like, practically everyday.” 

Jimin groans. “Of course you do. And you literally convinced him to back off from Y/N, when all of us know that they really like eachother.” 

Jungyeon and Jihyo exchange guilty looks. “Well,” Jungyeon pipes up, “Jeongguk isn’t really doing a great job of convincing us he can treat Y/N better otherwise, so, there’s that!” 

Jimin shakes his head. “Trust me, he’s a really good kid. It’s just that when he’s with the team, the older guys sort of pressure him to drink and go get girls and it just sort of happens.” He shrugs, “That’s the entire environment of the team. But trust me, Jeongguk is one of the more conservative ones and has started sleeping around less with anyone since he started hanging out so much with Y/N. The whole Jennie thing was a mistake. He does it often when he gets stressed out or mad.” 

Jihyo sighs, “You can’t expect us to think a guy like that is okay for our friend, do you?” 

Jimin shakes his head. “You know, I can’t convince you that he’s good enough for Y/N. Cause to be honest, from what I’ve seen, she’s a great girl and practically no one I know is good enough for her.” Your friends nod in agreement. “But what you have to do is trust her, that she likes Jeongguk for a reason and keeps him around for a good reason.” 

They exchange looks as they nod slowly, uncrossing their arms. 

“Hey, Y/N,” someone calls out, and you break out of your thoughts while sitting alone at the library. It felt too empty and cold there to get any work done anyway. When you catch sight of Jimin coming your way you sigh and turn back to your work. 

“Woah, hey, hey. Please just give me a listen. Let me explain myself.” 

You turn to him with a tired expression. “Explain what?”

He sits down, facing you with a solemn expression. “I-I just wanted to apologize.” 

You lift your eyebrow and he continues. “I didn’t mean to make it seem like a prank. Jeongguk had just been moping around all day and not confronting his feelings for you and so I just wanted to help him out a little. I had no idea he wouldn’t notice you were at the game, and no idea you would come to the party.” 

You run a hand through your hair. “I don’t really care about the text thing Jimin. I’m angry because of how Jeongguk acted at the party and how he’s just treating me like I don’t belong.” 

He sighs, leaning back in his chair. “Don’t you understand? You don’t belong.” He raises a hand to stop you from cutting in as he continues, “You’re so much better and kinder and smarter than all of us, and people like us don’t deserve to hang out with girls like you. That’s why, Y/N, that’s why he didn’t want you to come to the party, because guys like Wonho were betting on who could get you into bed the fastest.” 

“Th-they did what? A bet?!” You stutter, your breath coming out in short gasps. 

He nods, “Yeah. They’re the seniors on our team so no one really says anything about it but they’re really douchebags.” 

You think to how oddly nice Wonho was to you and scoff. They were really trashy human beings. 

He leaves with a final statement. “Trust me, Jeongguk cares for you. But sometimes, people like you deserve better, so people like us try to stay away.” 

Jeongguk stares down at the jersey in his hands, it still smelling slightly of your natural scent, and he fists the material as he grits his teeth. He missed you like crazy. Jimin had woken him up this morning and told him what chaos he made at 4 AM in the morning at your house and Jeongguk was so fucking pissed because even if he tried to, he couldn’t stay away from you. 

“C’mon team, let’s go!” The coach yells and whistles and Jeongguk shrugs on his original game jersey on with a grimace, pulling on his helmet and mouthguard. He jogs out with his team, the stands erupting in cheers as the team runs out. 

The team huddles and the coach reads out instructions for their plan of attack. Jeongguk was on the offense again this time as the quarterback. He zones out a bit as they yell coordinates, and Jimin pats him on the back. 

“Hey, Jeongguk, you okay?” 

He shakes his head, and Jimin pats his helmet. “Hey, do your best okay? She’s here.” He jogs away as Jeongguk whips off his helmet and mouthguard, and he turns around and scans the bleachers filled with people. 

But there are too many people in the stands, and he can’t find you and his coach yells his name before he can jog over to see where you are. 

You watch him from the sidelines, a hat stuffed over your eyes as you watch him hesitate as his eyes scan the bleachers. You duck your head even further until he runs off and joins his team and look back at him, the blaring 58 zipping across the field to take center position. Jimin had told you that Jeongguk was avoiding you because he felt like he wasn’t good enough, and if he was telling the truth, you were here to give Jeongguk one last chance.

All you wanted was some honesty. Because he probably had no idea how much you loved him, and how much you were willing to forgive everything he had done as long as he was willing to work with you. 

Your mind wanders as the game progresses, drowning out the cheers and screams from the stands. You pick at the holes on your jeans as you watch the game progress, and get up to grab a drink. You step down the metals steps and slowly make your way to the concession stand, making sure to keep your cap low over your eyes. 

Suddenly, a hand grabs you and whirls you around. You gasp in surprise as you spin around to see Wonho smirking down at you. 

“Going somewhere?” He sleazily grins down at you, scanning your body shamelessly. 

You yank your wrist out of his hand and face him with as fierce of a glare as you can muster. “Get the fuck away from me Wonho,” you hiss.

“Ooh, feisty,” he mewls, an arm slipping around your waist. 

But you grab it and crack his fingers towards his wrist, and he yelps with a growl, and tries to get out of your grip, when you kick him right in the crotch. Jeongguk had once taught you to aim there in self defense. He groans and falls to his knees, clutching at his balls. “What the actual fuck,” he groans and glares up at you. You glare at him, and grab your drink and walk away with a smirk. “If I ever catch you doing shit like those stupid ass bets again on other women, I’ll quick you so hard you’ll never be able to fuck again.” 

You walk out to the bleachers, expecting to see the game proceeding as usual, but no players are out running and are huddled at the corner of the field. You tap a girl who’s whispering with her friends. “Hey, I’m sorry, what happened?”  

“Jeon Jeongguk got hurt!” She exclaims, pointing at the huddle. “The other quarterback ran into him really hard and he’s not getting up. 

You drop your drink as you sprint towards the middle, but the fence prevents you from from running onto the field. You watch desperately as players and medics scurry around Jeongguk. 

“Is it a concussion, coach?” One of the players asks. 

The medic shakes his head. “I don’t think so. But I have no idea why he’s suddenly so weak.” 

Jimin scrambles down and pats Jeongguk’s cheek. “Hey! Get up! Y/N is here! You can’t give up right now!” Jeongguk opens his eyes and pants heavily. Jimin helps him sit up, “There you go, she’s right there!” He points towards you and you watch as they yell something at Jeongguk before helping him up and point at you. You’re confused because you can’t hear anything, but Jeongguk nods at whatever Jimin yelled and gets up slowly, grabs a drink, and then faces you. 

Everything stops, when he finally sets his sight on you, and he can see the worry on your face from halfway across the field. You’re gripping onto the fence and straining to see him. He musters up his courage, ignoring the way he was winded when the other quarterback slammed a bit too hard. But he was okay, and seeing you made everything even better. He smiles, and waves at you, and you burst into tears at the sight, relieved that he’s okay. 

With that, he turns and grabs his helmet, his members encouraging him as he joins once again on the field. 

He leans down, hands coming down to grip the grass. He remembers how you looked at him, desperate to see if he was okay. Jimin grunts out something, “Go get her, Jeongguk!” And begins yelling out instructions for the team. “Alright, 62, hike!” 

“Right right right!” “Lets...go!” “Hold your block, hold it!” “Go!” 

The whistle blows and the players rush at each other as the timer begins. Jeongguk grunts as he runs with the ball straight towards the goal post, and players jump and fall behind him, trying to grab his tail. His linebackers slam into the other boys, their shoulders slamming against shoulder pads and grunts echoing across the field. 

He yells as he strains his legs to run as fast as he can, the time ticking as the game draws to a close in a few seconds. Grunts and yells echo behind him, but he can’t think of anything else as he runs and runs towards the two yellow bars in front of him. He tumbles as he runs past the white line on the grass, and the bleachers erupt in cheers as he makes it past the yard line the moment the clock buzzes 0. 

But he drops the ball and doesn’t stop running, making a U-turn from the end of the field to come running straight to the bleachers. His teammates yell out for him, jogging after him towards the bleachers, but he doesn’t stop, because he has his sights on you. 

He whips off his helmet, and finds you behind the fence, which he hops without a blink, and waits until he’s in front of you. You’re looking up at him with trembling lips and teary eyes, and he smiles down at you, you’re seriously the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. 

He runs the last few steps and grabs you by the waist, lifting you clear off the stands and pressing you to his body. You begin crying, blubbering as he spins you and sets you down on the dirt of the field and leans down to hug you, a strong arm wrapped around your waist to keep you from collapsing and another pressed on the middle of your back, pressing your chest to his. 

And he sets you down, ignoring the whoops and hollers behind him. He cradles your cheek in his hand, leaning down to smile at you. You blubber, “Are you okay? You’re feeling okay? Jeon Jeongguk, I swear you had me worried sick I thought-” 

He smiles and whips off your cap, swoops down, interrupting your crying, and presses his lips hard against yours. You gasp into the kiss as he swipes past your lips, moving his lips against yours with desperation and joy and happiness. He grits against your lips, his smile so wide he can’t kiss you properly. “I like you, Y/N. No, I think I love you. And I’ve been so stupid because I don’t deserve you. But I also don’t ever want to see you walk away from me again. I’m gonna fight for you.” 

You smile up at him, tears still streaming down. “A-are you sure?” 

He smiles, leaning down to capture your lips in another breathtaking kiss. 

“I’m so sure.” 

It’s the night of your one-year anniversary with Jeongguk, the first week of senior year, and you’re currently at his house to work on a group project together.

Correction: you’re currently making out with your boyfriend on his couch, the assignment forgotten on the kitchen table. 

He groans as you perch on his lap and peck his lips teasingly, his hands coming up to grab your waist as a warning. You giggle and hold his cheeks as you lean down to press your lips hard against his, dipping your tongue against his lower lip and then nipping at it, earning another warning. “Y/N...” 

You smile as you wrap your arms around him, and situate yourself a little more comfortably on his lap, while, is currently trying his hardest not to spring up a boner at the feeling of you wiggling your ass into his lap. His hands are on your waist though, and his body betrays him because he subconsciously digs his fingers into the small of your waist and presses you closer against his chest. He practically melts at how soft you are and how warm you feel against him, and tries to hold himself back. Even though it’d been a year since you’d made it official, and a blissful year at that, he’d been careful on how far you two went. He knew you had boundaries that you were careful about, and never wanted you to feel pressured into taking your relationship a bit further. 

But with the way you kissed him and pressed your breasts to his chest and wiggled your hips against his crotch, his dick was saying otherwise. 

“Fuck, Y/N, if you keep this up, I’m not gonna be able to stop,” he groans as he distracts himself by kissing down your jaw, licking hesitantly at the crook near your ear, making you sigh above him. 

You hesitate, thinking about how hard you thought about regarding taking your relationship with Jeongguk further. You were still a little scared, because you’d initially wanted to take it to the next step a while ago, but you also wanted to go slow. And on this night, when the moon was high up in the air and some stupid episode of some TV show was blaring in the background of his house, you were way, way too much in love with this man underneath you to think about anything else. It was the perfect moment. 

You lean down, kissing him desperately. He groans again, and you detach from him, smiling down at him and thumbing his swollen lips and giggling at his blushing cheeks and overblown pupils. 

“I-I think I’m ready.” 

“W-What?” If possible, his eyes get even wider and his cheeks blush scarlet red as he gapes up at you.

“I love you, Jeon Jeongguk.” His hand comes up to swipe your hair away from your face, and he smiles. “I love you too. Are you sure?” 

You lean down and wrap your arms around him, smiling as he lifts you up and carries you towards his bedroom.

In this moment, when his arms are around you and you’re in just your pajamas and he in his, everything feels so right. 

“I’m so sure.” 

[stehayneedsahug]

It’s so heartbreaking to see people talking about how Ste isn’t the same Ste anymore and how he’s changed so much since Stendan, but I do feel like it was a natural progression. If you watched Ste’s storyline before Brendan he was angry and tumultuous and violent, he had created a hard shell to deal with his upbringing and life, he lashed out easily because he never could handle his emotions in a very healthy way. 

His kids softened his heart a bit and made him want to be a better person, but he still struggled a lot with his emotions and pain even after anger management had helped him to lash out less he still carried so much guilt and held onto his tough exterior.

Let’s have a recap of the shit Ste’s been through shall we? (this will be long):

He ran with a tough crowd as a teen and was a hothead and a bully, we learn later he used to be locked in his room all night with nothing but troll dolls to play with while his mom was drunk, he was neglected and beat by both his step dad and occasionally his mom. He was also verbally and emotionally abused by them. He went to young offenders and came back not wanting to live at home, it was bad enough there that being homeless or living in the boiler room at school was preferable. He wanted to be able to stay with Amy and have a purpose to his life so badly that he took on the responsibility of being a dad to Leah. He had a long way to go though, and he was a poor teen dad used to violence and he became what he knew when he started to hurt Amy, deal drugs and con people for money...he wanted to be better though and by some miracle he had a breakthrough and was starting to be a better person. Amy couldn’t handle motherhood when Lucas was born and Ste did his best as a single dad for a while, in spite of his own problems and people he thought he could trust trying to drug him and steal his babies (which was crazy, wtf). Honestly though, a key part of understanding Ste as he currently is, is seeing how he used to be.

He met Brendan and was drawn to him like a moth to the flame. He saw a wild man who demanded respect. In a way Brendan scared him from the start, because he saw the violence he was capable of and he saw the illegal things he was involved in and the lines he would cross. Ste saw himself in Brendan and also was addicted to the obsession Brendan had for him, the neglect and abuse in his own childhood made him used to bearing the violence but Brendan’s attachment to him had to be addictive when all he wanted was to belong and be understood. Brendan also took care of him and loved him like no one in Ste’s life had really don’t before, even though it was tainted by Brendan’s own issues in such a devastating way. 

Doug was Ste trying to keep control of the progress he’d been making at being a healthy and responsible man and father. Doug (and sort of Noah before that went to shit) was a chance for Ste to break free of that continuous violence surrounding him in his life and do what he knew intellectually would be the safe, healthy relationship choice for him. He didn’t know how to be alone but Doug offered love and his chance to breathe and figure himself out more and be ‘normal’. Also, Ste is really bad at rejecting any kind of love and Doug pursued him. But he loved Brendan and when Brendan started to change for the better and they had a chance to be on the same page and love each other it was like his dream come true. 

Losing Brendan broke Ste in an irreparable way, because it was about more than only missing Brendan in his life. He had finally started to believe in love conquering the violence and the pain in his life. He had felt understood and cherished without having to pretend his past away or pretend to be someone else because Brendan understood the dark sides to him and he wanted to be there helping Brendan through his own trauma. But when Brendan went to prison and cut him off from seeing him, it played on all of Ste’s insecurities because their love wasn’t enough for Brendan to stay for him, the violence caught up to them after all, Ste was abandoned by not only Brendan but also Cheryl and Amy and his kids still weren’t back in his life. It was like the dream he let himself believe he would be able to have came crashing down around him and everyone around him had an ‘i told you so’ ready. 

So Ste turned hard again. Instead of just going along with Amy or Doug saying being with Brendan was a mistake he held onto his love for him but it turned into bitterness and anger toward everyone else because they couldn’t understand, and toward himself for thinking he could have it all. He put back on his hard shell and tried to do anything he could to get the club and feel like Brendan was still with him, he basically embraced violence and drug-dealing at first as a ‘fuck you’ to being normal again because he’d always felt like that was a facad for him anyway, and because he didn’t want to just act like nothing had happened and didn’t want people to think he was too good for Brendan because he didn’t feel like he was...to him they were the same...so why try to be good if it all just ends in misery anyway. 

Then on top of all his pain over losing one of the only people he felt could truly understand him and love him for all his flaws, Ste had to face his mother pressuring him to help her kill herself. She never loved him selflessly once in her whole life and she ignored him when she wasn’t hurting him or letting him be hurt. Even her confession that she’d want him to crawl into bed as a kid with her when he thought she was sleeping was cold and devastating because all Ste needed was her to see him and acknowledge him and she was using his most cherished moment with her (out of pretty much none to chose from) to manipulate him into doing something that could get him put in jail and/or permanently emotionally scar him further. When Ste did it, he felt more empty, because the anger he’d always felt for her and the abuse he suffered from her made him question whether he actually did what she wanted him to do or if he secretly somehow wanted to kill her himself. That would majorly majorly fuck with anyone’s head and it came at a time when he was already feeling so alone and on edge. He was so done at that point and worn down, he even thought jail would be a rest in a way and that he’d deserve it...he gave up. 

Then Doug and Tony rallied around him and helped him find the strength to keep trying. Doug made him remember his kids and how he’d wanted so badly to be a good father to them and how going to jail and giving up would leave them without a dad like his own dad did. Doug was a way out from the bottom and part of Ste loved Doug even if it wasn’t the same kind of love he had for Brendan...he loved the reliability of Doug and the normalcy and security of Doug. He was at his lowest so he clung to Doug, and once again he was back to pretending for the sake of his kids and for the sake of trying again to find some even footing in his life and become the normal, responsible, happy family man he’d so wanted to have as a dad when he was growing up. 

Then Doug died. Doug died and once again Ste was left bereft. Because even though he’d left Doug before and even though he wasn’t necessarily the love of his life, Doug was one of very very few people Ste trusted and knew loved him. Doug had always represented safety and the ‘right’, secure path to Ste and now he was gone in such an unfair way. So now Ste was once again alone in a sudden and traumatic way, his home was gone on top of it, and Amy and the kids still weren’t around. He was drinking heavily in the deli with some matches maybe suicidal when lo and behold, here’s Danny telling him he’s his dad. 

So Ste goes to live with his dad with all this baggage of having almost no one in his life and having all this pain in his head that he hasn’t really gotten a chance to deal with and he has these new sisters and this surreal family suddenly and I’m sure he feels so separate from them, but he’s so thirsty for acceptance and a place and a distraction from all of the pain and loss he’s been going through it’s like something good is finally happening to him and it’s another chance to pretend that this is his life, that these people have been his family all along and that this is where he belongs. 

But then even this happy family starts to crumble around him...he has a front row seat to their drama and he sees that his dad isn’t some knight in shining armor, that his dad is hurting this family that ste wishes were the perfect family he’d been searching for by cheating with John Paul and once again Ste is face to face with someone hurting others by hiding their sexuality and this time it’s his dad. Leela repeatedly reminds him he doesn’t really fit in with them. Ste leaves because he can’t handle the fakeness of them playing happy families when Danny is cheating and lying and Ste already didn’t feel like he belonged and now he’s asked to lie for him. His relationship with his dad further deteriorates when Danny starts to be insecure and jealous of Ste’s relationship with John Paul and he is so quick to throw Ste away. He is about to leave without telling him after everything and when a hurt Ste accidentally let slip to Cameron that they were leaving, Danny’s last words to him were basically disowning him. So the family Ste had fantasized about all of his life turned to shit and Leela and Danny both blamed Ste for it to his face, Danny didn’t get the chance to take it back, Leela did, but that sticks with you especially when Ste already was feeling like everything he touches falls apart and everything bad that happens to him is his fault.

Oh hey, meanwhile, John Paul and him do some coke casually in the Deli. So alongside all of this pain simmering under the surface for Ste now here he is introduced to an escape. So now when things get hard he gets this craving to escape and forget and now he knows something that will work better than just alcohol and starts to struggle with drugs. He’s putting bandaids on open wounds all over the place and drugs are just one more way to get through the day. It’s self-destruction and addiction and he probably feels like taking drugs is the right mix of hurting himself and forgetting his pain all at once....like what it used to feel like to go back to Brendan in the days when he knew he’d probably get sex and a black eye out of it. He probably feels like he needs the drugs to feel normal, because his normal is anything but painless and happy and when things are going too well he doesn’t trust it and the drugs keep him grounded in the self-disgust he’s too used to, and when things turn bad it’s his fault for not fixing it or knowing how to deal or knowing it was coming and the drugs help him forget with a mix of reminding him of his place.

John Paul is now one of the only people who understand him. John Paul knew Brendan and Doug, he knew his past. They hated each other but after Doug died they both feel pulled toward each other because they feel so alone and their worlds have been orbiting around each other like destiny wants them to make it. John Paul’s mess with Danny leaves him feeling vulnerable and Ste is one of the only people who knew what happened there. They bond over the messes their relationships have been and then they further bond over the traumas they help each other through. John Paul saves Ste from drowning in the bathtub after Danny’s death. He tries to support him while he deals with his addiction. Ste tries to help John Paul in his recovery from being raped. John Paul tries to be there for Ste through his HIV diagnoses. 

Though they tried to make it work, their relationship was fraught with baggage and communication problems between them. Ste felt restless being taken care of and guilty for not being stronger in resisting the drugs, for blacking out and sleeping with Sinead, for being high and sleeping with Connor. Ste felt helpless in trying to be there for John Paul through the trial and crumbled hard under the pressure and let John Paul down. In my opinion, Ste felt like John Paul was too good for him and that was a source of a lot of the strain between them. John Paul struggled with empathy and with loving Ste and supporting him without ending up patronizing him. 

There was this love and respect between them but it was tainted by the walls they both put up, Ste to hide his darkest sides (he didn’t hide them well), and John Paul to hide his vulnerable sides. They drifted apart and then suddenly Ste is left with this pressure to take care of Sinead because she’s pregnant from a night Ste doesn’t even remember. He loves her as a friend and he loves being a father and so it’s too easy for him to start to fall for that idea that Sinead keeps pushing of a ‘normal’ family, mom, dad, kid, he could maybe have it all. And he takes that easy way out instead of really dealing with whatever is wrong between him and John Paul, and he starts to basically fall back into old habits with Rae or with Amy....he reverts back to trying to be the father he wishes he could be because maybe that will be enough this time around to make him a better person and keep him off the drugs and the self-destructive behavior. A baby gave him a purpose again. 

His relationship with John Paul simmered out and they both let it go. In my opinion, they were always almost right for each other, but the timing and life just kept getting in the way and Ste was insecure with someone he saw as so steady and intelligent and ‘good’ and John Paul was overwhelmed and frustrated with how Ste kept self-destructing and hurting both of them so they just kind of lost each other. 

Harry came along and again, Ste has never been good at resisting when someone expresses love for him or tries to woo him. He was drawn to how much Harry wanted him and when Sinead left, Harry was a distraction Ste needed and the fun he craved and for a while their relationship was secret and dangerous and after being in such a serious and heavy relationship with John Paul, Ste was going with the flow and trying to just not care about his troubles for a while.

When Tony found out and had such an extreme reaction, Ste felt the weight of responsibility for coming between Harry and Tony, he felt rejected by a man who is one of very few who have been there for him and everything was just kind of a whirlwind with Harry being kicked out by Tony and then Ste being kicked out and blamed for Tegan’s drugs and they were homeless together and it was kind of like Ste was just spiraling out of control again. It was like Ste was back to being that kid living in the boiler room and trying to find a job and a place for him and Amy. Harry was insistent and persistent about staying with Ste and even though the guilt was eating at Ste for being the cause of Harry’s homelessness, Ste was in over his head and didn’t really understand the pressure Harry was under for school (since he never finished it) and didn’t really understand how desperate Harry was getting to help Ste. When Ste found out that Harry had slept with James for money, the guilt of it crushed him. He couldn’t handle being that bad influence that he knew everyone thought he was and he was hating himself for ruining Harry’s relationship with Tony and mourning for his own relationship with Tony and hurting for losing his kids once again when Amy found out how they’d been living. It was easy for Cameron to convince him to take chrystal meth and once Ste started being addicted to that, he was scared again. At least when he was clean and homeless with Harry he could pretend it was some adventure and ignore his problems with sex and scamming for food or a place to stay. Now he was back into drugs he felt everything he’d worked on with John Paul slipping away again and so he ended up taking Harry back, yearning for that connection with Harry and with Tony to help pull him through his newest addiction. 

Now Ste went through the work to get clean again and tried to be a better person and rebuild his life again for his kids when of course his world starts to unravel again when he gets blackouts as a result of everything catching up to him. He risks losing his kids in custody battles and Leah knows about his past too now and the most important part of his life is crumbling away from him in a way that feels more out of reach than it maybe ever did because it’s legal now. John Paul comes back to him for support and it’s like they pick up where they left off, helping each other through their trauma, John Paul comforting Ste over his kids and his blackouts and Ste comforting John Paul over Finn possibly returning to the village and they just have all of this unresolved love for each other that will probably never go away because of all that they have been through together. It just makes sense that they would slip, neither of them are exactly great at relationships. 

And now here we are, Ste is still with Harry because he can’t be alone and Harry and Tony have supported him through in such hard times but I don’t think it’s really love. It’s more of the same where Ste is just so needy for family and for someone to be there that he can’t end it when Harry keeps being there for him like so many others weren’t or couldn’t be. But now Amy is gone and his kids think he killed her and I just don’t know how he will ever really get back from this. He’s going to be even more traumatized now....even with all of their problems, Amy was his rock through so much and his partner through life.

So yeah, this was basically a summary of Ste, but I just don’t blame the guy for making some shitty mistakes, for being needy and a mess and self-destructive and lost....he is going through life with no blueprint and he keeps having hardship after hardship thrown at him. I expect if Ste gets out of prison for him to be doing whatever he can to avoid prison again, but I expect him to be so depressed and feel so alone and helpless that I will not be surprised for him to have so much more pain (self-inflicted and otherwise) ahead. It is a soap after all, and when it’s a character with so much baggage like he has, he’s going to relapse and struggle and stumble along the way to becoming the man he wants to be....that doesn’t mean that he isn’t developing as a character, it just isn’t that simple at all. 

Ste’s progression into the hardened, hurt, lost guy that he is now didn’t just suddenly come out of nowhere. It was the result of growing up needing to fend for himself, craving any kind of love wherever he could get it, struggling with becoming what he hates (his dad), struggling through abuse, feeling abandoned and out of control, regressing to old coping mechanisms after losing brendan, self-medicating, trying to find normalcy and faking it till you make it, falling apart again, struggling with becoming what he hates again (his mom basically), dealing with guilt and loss, and basically being tossed around by life and trying to cope. He isn’t the same Ste as Brendan era, but he shouldn’t be anyway because too much has happened.

[pigfarts23]

Probably sound like a madman, but hear me out

Each character’s song represents them, through and through. (I’m just doing the 6 from the GPF because know most about them (except maybe Otabek but like ... we don’t know much about him #littlescreentime)

How? Well  (TIME FOR SOME PROOOOOF)

This got hella long.  TL;DR: the YOI creators knew where they were going with their characterizations and managed to convey this through each of the program’s music

Details under the cut.

Viktor’s First skate: Stammi Vicino

We first are introduced to this character with a self assured “Commemorative photo?” after he comments on Yuri’s program at the GPF. But his first skate we see actually gives us a deeper insight into who he was at the beginning of the series.

I mean, this doesn’t scream “I’M SO PUMPED BECAUSE I KNOW I’M GONNA WIN” this is like “wow i’m all alone this kinda sucks”.

At this point, we have concluded he was lonely, what with all the meta on how empty and cold his apartment looks; there’s no personal effects, and it was noted that he was able to pack up everything in about a week. 

Yuuri’s SP: On Love: Eros

Now I know all of you are like: wtf?

But hear me out. After the events of ep 10, we know that Yuuri has this locked up personality that he lets loose for people he’s close to, when he’s on the ice, or when he’s incredibly drunk (Kids don’t drink 16 glasses of champagne. The outcome is bad; if you don’t have alcohol tolerance you’ll barf your guts out before passing out or if you do you’ll end up pole dancing and not remember the night at all THIS HAS BEEN A PSA). 

(side note: DAYYYUM SON)

Celestino, as a coach, has picked songs he feels like Yuuri would skate to, which means they were probably very much like Yuuri himself; reserved, quiet, witty, determined, etc. All of this eros is held back by an incredibly vulnerable Yuuri who wants to get through life while rocking the boat as little as possible. So the fact that Viktor comes along and says “Ah yes you’re skating to this.” he was like wtf. But this is truly him and everything he wishes he could be - confident, sexy, someone who is equal to Viktor in every way.  

(That’s my theory on why he was insistent he make Yuri on Ice equal difficulty to Viktor’s program)

Yuri’s FP -  Yuri On Ice 

OK 

So.

As said by the commentators, this song was used by Yuuri to express the different types of loves he feels. As you watch, he mentions all the feelings etc. etc.

But - Love. 

Yuuri has finally gotten love. It’s why the FP was record breaking. He’s gone and he’s fallen in all sorts of love with everyone. Don’t get me wrong - I’m not saying he’s just discovered love. He’s loved his family and friends and we get to see that in all the interactions he has with them, which is wonderful. But he finally realises that they love him as much as he loves them. Which makes him fill with more love and determination.

Not only that, but this piece is kinda.... a walk down memory lane. He’s gotten someone to capture his career, and if you listen to the music, it tells you exactly where he was dragged down and how he was able to rebuild himself and become even stronger. This song is Yuuri summed up in 3 minutes. You listen to that, and you know exactly who he is.

Yuri’s SP - On Love: Agape

Yuri is innocent and pure and for some reason, his Russian team (and the Hero of Kazakhstan along with Japan’s top figure skater) all love him.

Ahem. 

There’s no other way to put this. Yea ok he’s angry and yells and likes to threaten people (I mean.. same), but he’s very much like a kitten - he can really do no harm. 

(He’s got nicer hair than I do (also look at how innocent he looks)).

But Yuri is very innocent. He’s only 15 years old, and sure, he’s travelled the world. But he hasn’t seen much of the real world. His entire life is figure skating. He eats, breathes, and sleeps it. So he lives in what essentially can be considered a bubble. 

To the real world - he’s an innocent bean (it’s probably why they call him the Russian Fairy). And I think that he knows this, which is why he postures so much; all that anger and aggression keeps people away, like it kept Yuuri away at first, so that no one knows how young he really is (even though they say his age at every skating event).

Yuri’s FS - Allegro Appassionato in B Minor (RIP pianist)

To start, I’m going to translate this name (I don’t speak Italian, but I have studied music for the last 16 years AND I did ballet for 10 years, so I do know what these terms mean). 

Allegro - the musical definition is bright, quickly, lively. However! In ballet, the term is the same, but it is applied to airborne movements (side note I just rewatched his ep 12 skate trying to get a good photo and he actually adds in a quad! So he’s airborne! ish!)

Appassionato - passionately; play with passion.

(if this doesn’t scream PASSION i don’t know what does)

But Yuri is passionate. He’ll fight for what he believes in, as commented on by Otabek’s monologue (”Yuri Plisetsky had the eyes of a soldier”) and, I’ll bet someone dinner at a place of my choosing, he’ll fight for anyone he accepts into his family. This boy just has so much passion for figure skating (and cats. Definitely loves cats.) that it’s absolutely incredible - it’s something that can’t be contained and yes, he has to work for it, but with that passion, drive and determination he has, this song is essentially all him. 

Phichit’s SP - Shall We Skate?

This pure bean.

Honestly, just listening to the music, you get a sense of who Phichit as a person really is. He’s upbeat, enthusiastic, (JUST LIKE THE MUSIC!!) and overall he just seems like the type of person who can just make you smile purely by existing.

He’s encouraging and supportive and I think he was skating as the Skater, because the lyrics tell us the King was trying to learn to skate. The skater, much like Phichit, is showing the King how to skate, and basically being the best cheerleader in the world as the King skates.

Yuuri and him were roommates in Detroit; Phichit would have been incredibly supportive and encouraging because he’s the Purest Cinnamon Roll Ever.

He’s just so fucking supportive idk what else to say ok.

Phichit’s FS - Terra Incognita

So this piece is also upbeat and features a relatively happy overall mood. It’s somewhat inspired by South East Asian music (I’m not sure what part of South East Asia, but I feel that Indian vibe to it) which I really enjoyed.

But again, this just summarises the picture we’re given of Phichit. Granted this is all painted from Yuuri’s POV, who is literally the most unreliable narrator. But that one bit we got from Viktor regarding Phichit shows that Viktor actually is in agreement with Yuuri’s ideas.

So from that, we can conclude that Phichit is incredibly supportive and loving, not just to his friends, but to people who his friends love as well.

Chris’ SP- Intoxicated

So the first opening bit reminded me of Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On. But once I got over that, this song is sexy, and sauve, just as we all know (and love) Chris to be.

This piece kinda .. flows, for lack of a better word. To be honest, listening to this song when I’m not looking at this dork’s face (or butt) makes me think of those scenes where the dude emerges from the water, and we get a slow close up of a drop of sweat falling down his chest or smth.

This song, at the very essence, is exactly who Chris is. He’s confident, mature, and just oozing sexual pleasure. It’s a nice contrast to Yuuri’s Eros, which wasn’t as sophisticated as this one is. This is essentially pleasure after pleasure, all done so well and controlled, all to ensure that the partner (in this case, the audience) is getting as much pleasure out of it as possible.

And not only that - we know Chris actually wears glasses, but it doesn’t appear he wears them in public, which means there’s a vulnerable part of him that he doesn’t want the world to know, so he shows his sexual appealing side and keeps his vulnerable side for his super close friends and fam.

Chris’ FS - Rapsodie Espagnole 

So as anyone can tell you, Spanish songs are full of passion. This one is no different.

As is this man. God the passion this man has... incredible.

Chris is a man extremely comfortable with his sexuality, and he’s very comfortable and confident with who he is.

That’s all I can add on for him because we don’t get much of Yuuri’s thoughts re: Chris to be able to see another side of him apart from the super comfortable with his sexuality version.

AND FINALLY: (I’m not doing Otabek I can’t do him justice if someone else wants to analyse his music (he was the only one who didn’t get original music (BEETHOVEN ASSHOLES) for both his free skates)) 

JJ’s SP - Theme of King JJ  (his song is hella freaking catchy)

Right of the bat, in both the song and the anime, we’re introduced to JJ as a man who’s exceptionally arrogant. He sees himself as someone who essentially rules figure skating.

And it’s interesting that we get a bit of that feeling as well from Yuuri.

This song and JJ are both incredibly arrogant - his song (presumably sung and written by him) talks about how amazing he is, and how no one can catch them. He taunts people, saying “Catch me if you can” and that’s exactly what he does to Yuri at the Skate Canada medal ceremony. “I look forward to climbing the podium again with you in Russia.”

He’s loud, brash, and an incredible show off, which is exactly what this song shows.

(I didn’t have to look up any of these quotes o hm ygod why am I JJ trash it must be Canada Pride)

JJ’s FS - Partizan Hope

So this piece is completely different from the last one. It starts off differently slowly and with just a piano.

The feel is completely different. To be honest, I get the shot of a person triumphantly crossing the finish line of a race in slow mo while this plays in the background.

The feeling of how he skates is completely different as well. It’s more triumphant, less arrogant.

Confident. JJ is a confident person, something the music reflects earnestly. And he knows he’s going to win, so he just skates for the fun of it. He’s not taken no for an answer, and because of that, he’s built up quite the character of fighting for he wants just by being loud, brash and opinionated (something that will get you strange looks on a Canadian bus, fun fact).

This confidence is hidden behind his outgoing self, which you can hear very clearly in this piece (probably why they put it second, because the ISU regulations RE: times would make sense for them to reverse this order of pieces).

“Ok, so I read all that. You’re right. What’s your point?”

Wow thanks for asking that! 

This is my point. 

Viktor’s second skate: Duet - Stay Close to Me

This is an absolutely incredible transformation - we know the songs of the characters represent who they really are. As a result, not really seeing Viktor skate competitions and then suddenly see him skate this, a song filled with so much hope and love (I was actually crying when this aired because the emotions were too much in this piece); the loneliness of the violins has been replaced with happiness, hopefulness and love.

All because of our dear Yuuri.

And I think that this is one of my favourite character growths in a tv series - Viktor, growing and changing not for love.

Instead, he changes because of it.

And I think that’s beautiful.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

U know. I cry for the world. I really do. But I cannot allow it into my own space which is any space my body currently occupies because I am not trapped and can choose to remove myself. Like, he made me feel like I wasn't sympathetic because I wouldn't let ppl like this in my home. I am sympathetic, not stupid. I would give a percent of money given to me to give all these ppl places that accomidate them.

He literally runs upstairs as I'm quietly eating my food by myself and asks why I'm a bitch. I tell him that's not really fair to say and I'm not interested in talking to him. He says it is fair to say because I'm being a bitch. I told him he's been pretty disrespectful from the start and I'm not interested in having a conversation. He says I'm the one being disrespectful because I owed him 50$ and he let it go cuz my partner is letting him stay at his house. My blinders went on briefly - like my brain clicked at that moment and we were no longer associates of any kind. Was I required to kiss your ass and buy your beer because you let my 50$ debt go for stupid reason? Who the fuck are you? And fine - fine. Thank you for debt forgiveness. But the fact you think I still owe you something - even a nicety, which I've given numerous times, is a person I don't want to know. I'll give you what I owe and nothing more. Why would I allow a dynamic in a personal relationship like that?

I got dressed and told my partner I would see him tomorrow as our friend jumps back and forth from saying he'll go and asking me why we can't have a "civil conversation".i told him I did nothing, I waited for him to be finished cooking so I could eat and now I'm upstairs because I don't want to hang out and now I'm leaving because this is disrespectful.

Finally he leaves and I feel uneasy. I know I'm there for my partner but I know he has feelings about it either way now and I don't know what to do because I don't want to talk to this guy again. So I tell him and say if he has a problem I'll leave. He says he has no problem it's between us he didn't want to be brought into it and now hes being brought in. Im like wtf rly. I'm sitting here eating a man came in and yelled that I'm a bitch and you think I brought you into this? Cuz I was the mature person who removed myself from a conflict seeking person? Fuck offfff. I told him fine, I would just go then. He said he's not mad but fine he'll see me tomorrow. I told him I'm not mad I have anxiety and no outlet so im leaving.

I called another mutual on the way home hoping for weed and a smoke. As I was on the phone I get a message from the first friend telling me he's sorry he was beligirent and he understands my point of view but "Jsyk I was offended too".

Our mutual said fuck him. But this is not really our friend. I know our friend very well and I know there is no way he would believe any different from his original stance unless someone explained how he might be in the wrong perspective. He spent days believing I was holding an attitude with him when I literally gave no fucks. I was nice, I hung out, I made and bought food, shared my weed and he continually had a disrespectful attitude towards me in every conversation I had and I was just over it because Ive really tightened my circle to not include people like him. I don't need it, I didn't do anything and I'm not going to be shit on because I shared what little I had and this guy is fucking crazy. Also I guess I'm ghetto but if a friend is shit on by someone in front of u, u back them up. My partner should have guilt for not saying hey what kind of language is that for a civil convo. But it's fine too because I'll remember this.

I sort of expect that my partner did tho. I feel our friend probably tried to approach him about it after I left and told him he was in the wrong for yelling at me and because he said "I hope we will talk again" to me implies my partner told him I'm not talking to him again as he could've said.. Nothing. Or hope we will be friends again? Hang out? It's just a weird admission of guilt that comes from my partners moral high grounds. Like he would never apologize to such degrees but he will tell u this is exactly how you should do it but it's our friend saying "Jsyk I was offended too". He's offended because every other friend knows I don't answer phone calls. I answer for like.. The government, doctors, my one friend and my partner. Otherwise I do not. It's a joke in my circle because I always answer texts. I always answer dms. I stopped fb but it was the same. Emails. If u call I will never call u back. A friend knows this. It's my quirk. It's fun. If it's an emergency, I'll know. It never is. I'm a confidante to people. Like I'm not a psychiatrist I'm a living diary where these people expect me to sit and listen to their problems and give them a certain level of wisdom and care and interaction or I'm not a friend. You and chantel and taff and Tom and Aaron and Jared and kitty. I sit and watch people. They are not my friend but I'm theirs and they wonder why at some point I check out and don't care about this shit they're doing. My partner falls into this and is probablt the absolute worst I've had so I have no room to do this for others and I think now it's like chosen victimhood when I remain friends and partners too. Like I know this person - I KNOWWWWWW this person because my job was to listen to all their shit. Like if knowledge is power im queen cuz I know. So I know they're fucked. I know. I could write a book verified by them of how fucked they are. And that means at some point they will be fucked again. That's their character. I dunno if that's who the fuck they are but it's what they presented. And being so close puts me within their fucked shit. Whether directed at me or not. Sam. No ones in my shit. No ones following my life. No one listens to me everyday except a girl I barely know in real life but force myself on her and literally don't know if she likes me or feels sorry for me but she's gracious. And even then I don't share everything. She's certainly not invested. This friend expected an investment further into listening to him because he made me feel bad and always wanted a relationship with me and when I was with my partner he was not super cool about it. I empathized and sympathized and wanted him to do well in life but I'd never be with him. I could barely be his friend. I barely liked him as my drug dealer. But I felt man. He criticized how I lived even though I'm not homeless. He is. And I don't want a point in my life where I'm arguing with a homeless man because our government gives you money. You make choices and I made the choice to use the same money not to be homeless and you decided to hitchhike. Logic. You are who you surround yourself with and I'm not this and I can't be the confidante of this while having everything I do responded to with a sigh of disappointment. It's a huge reason why I never called back when it was obvious he didn't get it. Why.

I liked my partners "I'm not mad". Really. He said it under his breath then quickly said "fine whatever see you". It was one of the first few shows of like "but I wanted you!" that he's made outside of sex. Like showing disappointment meant he had to involve himself into easing my anxiety which was too complicated and too much effort for him. He needed me to get over it.

I'm glad I left. I didn't argue with anyone but expressed how I felt and thought and left. I'm not replying to his apology because I'm going to blindly assume he spoke to my partner and I'm happier he said anything to defend me than I care about this apology. It's an action he would take instead of apologizing. He did something to help my anxiety and that's so much better than nothing. He is really trying to be consistent and elevated in his investment. I mean, this whole thing is fucked. But like... Iget along with him. He's the male figure in my life my parents demanded I needed for disciplinary purposes. But he's like a drunk army sergeant. U respect but he's a little fucked and sometimes makes u do questionable shit. But in the process youre somehow built into a better person and ur like yeah the army (relationship) was pretty great shaped me as a person but my drill (his personality) got drunk sometimes, cried and when u said ur uncomfortable got angry and threatened a discharge.

He has control of me but gives me freedom to the nth degree.