#also yes i got inspired by a damn pike

[cheesomancer]

Shell.

Cheeseless pic is on twitter...✌

[demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol]

just a lil thing i wrote because i’m anxious abt a verbal assignment later and it’s making me feel miserable, so here’s this!!! this is def inspired by @murdermewithbooks whiskey piece that i reread literally all the time because i swear it’s magic because it always makes me feel better. also i’ve been reading lots of marcus fic lately, to this is definitely inspired by y’all writing marcus, who I otherwise would know nothing about. also wanna tag @starryeyedstories because i saw she wasn’t feeling great and wanted some marcus comfort, and i know that was a while ago but if this helps you even a lil bit nova then that’s good enough for me <3<3

paring: marcus pike x gn!reader

words: 745

content: stressed reader but no specific details about the stress, single use of the word ‘damn’, comforting marcus, so much tenderness and affection

masterlist

You held your head in your hands and took a few shaky deep breaths. You knew this would pass but damn did it hurt to feel this way. There was a soft knock on your office door and Marcus stepped in.

“Hey, I brought you a- oh sweetheart what’s wrong?” your head snapped up to see his expression quickly change when he noticed the way you were sitting on the small couch in your office. He set the plate down on your desk and took the few steps he needed to reach you before crouching down in front of you. He reached out to gently grasp your arms where they were propped up on your knees. “[y/n],” he started softly, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

His beautiful brown eyes were so full of love and concern and it was overwhelming as you shook your head quickly. “Nothing, it’s nothing, I’m fine.”

He pouted a little and slightly tilted his head. “Baby, this doesn’t look like nothing to me. You know I just want to help right?” one of his hands came up to cup the hand that was holding your face, and he gently slotted his fingers through yours.

You took another shaky breath, “no, I know, I know, it’s just- it’s just,” you stopped when the words became too hard to say, and instead just leaned forward so you could lean your forehead against his. Your arms wrapped behind his neck and his wrapped around your waist. You took a few more shaky breaths, and you didn’t need to open your eyes to know he was looking up at you with those sweet puppy dog eyes of his, sparkling with worry. When your arms squeezed a little bit tighter, his did the same. After a few moments, the quiet and being in his arms started to calm you down, and when your breathing was mostly normal, you opened your eyes.

He still looked worried but upon seeing your eyes he gave you a smile. “Hi honey,” he breathed softly.

“Hi,” you said back with a small smile.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked carefully.

You gently shut your eyes and shrugged a little. “Not really,” you whispered sadly.

One of his hands rubbed up and down your back. “That’s okay,” he whispered back while nodding. The same hand came around to cup your cheek, and you leaned into it on impulse. You turned to give his palm a little kiss and when you looked back at him his smile had widened. “Can I interest you in a short trip to our porch to get some fresh air? I also have cheese and crackers.” You laughed a little and glanced over to the plate he set on your desk to see that yes, he had in fact brought you cheese and crackers.

“That sounds really nice,” you said with a small laugh, and somehow his smile got impossibly brighter. He lent you a hand to help you off the couch, but before you could get far, he bent his head down to give you a kiss. It was soft and sweet and everything Marcus, and he used the hand he was holding to tug you closer to him and you braced your other hand on his chest. When you pulled back, he stayed tilted towards you, and you took the opportunity to run your hands through his soft, fluffy hair. He chuckled and shut his eyes again and moved even closer to you. “I love you so much Marcus.”

When he opened his eyes, he saw you smiling up at him with bright eyes and a bright smile, your eyebrows creased together slightly. He kissed the spot between your eyebrows, and you relaxed into him, sighing contentedly. “And I love you so much [y/n].”

You kissed his chest and propped your chin in the same spot to look up at him. When he looked down at you, you raised an eyebrow. “Cheese and crackers time?”

He let out a big laugh, one that you felt since you were pressed up against him. “Cheese and crackers time,” he agreed. He grabbed the plate with one hand but kept his other hand entwined with yours. As he led you out of your office and through your house towards your porch, you couldn’t help but be thankful for your Marcus, who was always there to remind you that the sun is still there even when it’s cloudy.

tags? (no pressure to interact!): @aerynwrites @scribbledghost @mrpascals @flightlessangelwings

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 6--On the Inside

Very appropriate title by the way.  Works in a multitude of ways.  

As always, my randomness is going beneath a cut again to spare the eyeballs of those of you that don’t want to see it at all and also?  Help those of you that have somehow stayed spoiler-free in this brand-new age of early release episodes.  It is still so wild to me that I’m a full episode ahead of half the fandom.  I don’t know what I’m going to do when we get to the final episode and they decide to make us all suffer together--because somehow I do feel they will do exactly that after spoiling us for the first 23 episodes.  It is going to be agonizing.  

Anyway.  Without further ado, Shae’s stream of consciousness review (of sorts).  

Not fair, Angela.  Opening the episode with that shot of that big ass spider.  I hate those suckers.  So naturally, they’re an easy sell for setting the horror scene to me, lol.  

Okay.  Who the hell’s chasing Virgil and Connie?  Walker No-See-Ums?

Barely a minute in and the atmosphere for this episode is moody AF.  

What is this?  Tara Jr. The Walking Dead?  LOL.  Where’s the Scarlett for this mini plantation house?  Anyway.  First three minutes of this episode?  Just as attention grabbing as the first five episode openings this season.  I don’t think people out there are giving our writers enough love for that.  Every episode so far has opened like a mini movie.  

With the way the Walking Dead logo keeps crumbling away with each successive episode, somehow it wouldn’t surprise me at all if the Carol and Daryl spinoff was eventually titled The Living and had flowers growing out of each letter, lol.  I mean, there would be a certain sort of life-affirming symmetry in a show that’s been promised to be much lighter in tone doing just that.  

More Carol and Aaron?  Yes, please.  I don’t necessarily like Carol staying at home and sitting the sidelines like a figurative happy little homemaker in the B story while the rest of the mains are trying like hell to sell the A story, but if she’s going to be totally prohibited from the main storyline until it’s time to blow shit up?  I’m going to continue enjoy getting to see her do what she should have been doing for seasons--interacting with others in the community, especially Aaron and the ladies.  

Truly.  I really am loving my girl getting some quality Aaron and Rosita time.  It’s so long overdue.  

Bless sweet Kelly.  Riding off to her sister’s rescue.  

Why isn’t Lydia shown as part of these plans?  For someone that could barely read last season, I doubt that big ass map was a piece of cake for her and it’s all just guesswork anyway without her guidance.  I mean, why does it feel like they are cutting some of this stuff that might not seem like much plot-wise but would go a long way toward establishing different character beats?  Personally, I would have loved to see her involved in the search and sharing scenes again with Carol and bonding with Kelly. 

Virgil be having that “I always feel like somebody’s watching me” feeling.  Don’t you hate that, lol?  

“You haven’t slept in days.”  But how many days, Virgil?  I’m going to need a number because I’m confused AF about this timeline at this point.  What we’re seeing and what different pieces of dialogue is telling us is not exactly lining up.  I’m going to find it awful hilarious if it hasn’t even been two weeks since the cave in.  For reasons.  

Connie’s spidey senses are clearly tingling.  

Alrighty, then.  She’s clearly got PTSD.  Understandable.  They’ve all had it.  Some have been treated more sympathetically than others, though.  

I mean, it never seems to cross anybody’s mind how Carol probably sees Henry’s head on that pike, Mika’s pale and bloody body, Lizzie crumpled face down in a bed of yellow flowers, Sophia with a smoking bullet hole through her undead head whenever she closes her eyes but whatever.  

Okay though.  But what if Connie had really shitty, impossible to read handwriting?  AKA doctor’s  handwriting.  What then?  

Leah’s face honestly twists my insides whenever I see it, lol.  It’s quiet a visceral thing.  No, that does not make me a horrible person.  Not everybody wants or has to drink the awesome, great, redeemable villainess Kool-Aid.  IMHO, she’s got a face meant for a Walker.  Perfect makeover idea.  Eh.  Mostly it’s her expression and the deadness of her eyes.  

Anyway.  Why is it always the fingers?  Eff that.  

Listen.  If ya’ll can’t tell Daryl’s conflicted AF with the situation he’s landed in, you don’t know how to read NR’s face and eyes.  He’s not a masterclass like MMB but he’s pretty darn good when he wants to be.  

I honestly feel sorry for Redshirt Frost.  

“You do what you gotta do.”  Frost knows what’s what and he’s willing to walk the walk for Maggie.  Impressive loyalty.  I’m left wondering how the current, colder incarnation of Maggie inspired it because I’m still struggling to see it.  Anywho.  My point is the dude knows the score and just gave Daryl the okay.  

Daryl taking off his angel vest before stepping into the role of torturer/interrogator=him shedding the persona/the man Judith and RJ and Lydia and Carol know him to be.  Pushing away his man of honor status so he can just survive somehow.  

Pope never quits chewing whatever the hell he’s got in his mouth.  It’s kind of distracting.  

Ohhh.  We’re back to the Haunted Mansion.  I mean house.  Where are the Hitchhiking Ghosts?  

All the eyes scratched out of those creepy pictures=spooky.  

The good old fogged up bathroom mirror shot.  Somebody’s been watching and studying their horror movies, lol.  Not gonna lie though.  I’m legit bracing myself for the jump scares I know have to be coming.  

I’m loving the music/score in these scenes.  

Truthfully, I could care less about these Reapers.  But they are hella attractive, lol.  Listen.  Angela knows what she’s doing.  

Kelly’s horse is so pretty.  Prayer chain for that baby.  

More dead horses?  Why?  

Connie’s slingshot?  Sorry.  I maintain, no matter how much I like these two, that they have the lamest weapons ever.  Endless supply of Virginia rocks or not.  

So.  Did Virgil and Connie enjoy a little equine for dinner?  Did they kill it before the Walkers fed?  What monsters!  Yeah, no.  Not if they were starving even if I personally could not have.  The more probable story is they fled the camp in a panic and left the horse behind and then it went down.  Sorry.  I didn’t exactly study the wounds on the poor animal because it is so traumatizing to me to continue to see them meet such dastardly ends on this show.  I don’t know who the hell has such a score to settle with horses but stop it.  

Days.  It’s only been days.  Not weeks.  So many times with all that Daryl and Company have had to contend with since the cave in?  Those do not exist, lol.  They’re just a convenient, appeasing piece of dialogue thrown at a fanbase primed and ready to read everything into not much of anything.  There’s just not been enough time for it to happen unless Daryl has literally been up 24/7 for all of them.  You know, strategizing how to attack the remainders of Alpha’s horde, figuring out how to defend Hilltop before it fell, healing from the wound he sustained at Alpha’s hand, sitting on that log all damn night with Negan waiting on Carol to come home, having a lover’s quarrel with his best damn everything, taking care of the Grimes babies and Lydia, being the reluctant leader.  Kang, why you playing them like that?  Daryl’s a super guy but he’s not a superhuman with clones.  So many times my ass.  

Seriously.  Who been watching Connie and Virgil?  The MIA Oceansiders?  Beta’s Fee Fi Fo Fum Ghost?  

Nice.  A Michonne mention.  Maybe the truth will start to trickle out.  

LMAO at Connie’s “I’m not staying here.”  Me neither, girl.  I would be outta that house so fast.  

They really “Quiet Placing” this episode.  Honestly?  I’m kinda loving it.  

WTF was that?  I know she can’t hear but you telling me all the little hairs on her arms, legs, and neck didn’t stand the fuck up and say fuck this shit, I’m gone?  Pardon my language, lovelies, but that moment had my heart kicking up several beats.  

Okay, okay.  To be fair to Connie, every hair on her body been doing that since the front door closed.  Maybe they’re desensitized.  

Gollum’s chasing Connie!!!  He/She wants their Precious!!!

The knee jerk reactions about this episode sight unseen are OTT, honestly.  And I mean no disrespect by saying that.  I can understand completely where they’re coming from because we’ve been burned so long in this fandom.  But it’s obvious the spoiler source has their particular biases and reads into things in such a way that don’t line up with what’s actually being shown onscreen.  Daryl’s loyalty in this episode and all along quite clearly lies with his family and his community.  He’s been playing Leah since the start and is truly just trying to survive somehow.  

Awful thought.  The Reaper that’s so suspish of Daryl--haven’t quite caught his name or really cared to.  I feel like he might try to get to Daryl somehow.  When he realizes that Daryl cares no more for Leah than any human would care for somebody (they thought) they used to know?  He’s going after Dog.  Or Carol should she finally join this story. 

I refuse to believe Carol isn’t going to be a part of this story.  Because they messing with her mans, lol.  

“You’re ever with us or you’re not.”  Now where have I heard those words before?  I wish I could find that Daryl gif because that had to be one of the funniest things ever, lol.  

Unrealistic suggestion to Daryl, Leah?  Breathing oxygen seems to piss off Carver.  Oh look.  He finally has a name for me, lol.  

I love how all three of the ladies--Carol, Magna, and Rosita--look at Kelly with such indulgent, adoring “little sis, you alright?” eyes.  

They are seriously the most beautiful quartet of characters.  I mean all of them are lovely but Carol and Rosita this season?  Ugh.  The unfairness of the pretty.  

Human bones.  Terminus callback, lovelies.  How it all would have eventually gone down if Gareth and Co. hadn’t met the business end of Rick’s red machete.  

So many horror movie homages in this one.  

Virgil’s like “let’s leave this Texas Chainsaw Massacre behind.”  

Connie and Virgil have obviously bonded, ya’ll.  I’m surprised by how much I’m enjoying their scenes together when the character mostly got on my nerves with Michonne.  He’s a good actor and the core of his character is sympathetic, but I’m not going to lie.  I wasn’t super enthused when he was the one that rescued Connie because I didn’t know how their scenes would play out. But there’s a nice synergy there.  

Okay.  Does Carver want Leah for himself?  Because I’m sure Daryl at this point would love to scream “take her, I know where I fucking belong!”  

Daryl’s digging in deep because Carver has shown him Leah’s potential weak spot.  Nuance is truly lost on some people, LMAO.  He cares about Leah as a human being probably.  He’s Daryl, after all.  The sweet one.  But he sees her as his way outta this and he’s going to exploit it.  

It’s nice to have a silent Negan for once, lol.  I can pretend he didn’t take my baby Glenn away from me and enjoy JDM’s pretty.  

So.  These cannibal people were the watchers?  Hmm.  

I’m really digging Virgil 2.0.  Yeah.  Nobody’s surprised more than me.  

Sweet, sweet scene between Virgil and Connie.  His determination to reunite her with her family brings back the sympathy I felt for him when he told Michonne “I promised her flowers.  Every day.”  

Damn.  How many of those creepy crawly cannibals are there?  

How brave of Connie to confront her fears to save someone she’s obviously grown to care about.  

The Kelly/Connie reunion gave me chills and made me cry.  Thank fuck Angela didn’t cheapen that moment by having it focus on literally anybody else.  Kelly is the most important person in the whole world to Connie and vice versa.  Just like Carol is the most important person in the whole world to Daryl and vice versa.  Angela fucking knows.  Everybody does.  Except the people busy building castles out of sand while the waves of Carol’s and Daryl’s converging stories keep crashing closer and closer to shore.  

Such a beautiful moment given to us by Angel Theory and Lauren Ridloff.  So authentic and sweet.  Kelly and Connie are home to each other.  

Poor Frost.  That’s all I gotta say about that.  

WTF, though.  Was Mel just not available or what?  I want to see more of the ASZ characters that I care about, not the Reapers.  Like I’d be fine with the story if all the characters not named Maggie, Negan, or Daryl weren’t surviving on crumbs during it.  Especially the 2nd billed actress on the entire show.  Angela.  Please.  Fix this.  

One last WTF.  Seriously.  WTF has Maggie done to inspire Pope’s obsession?  It better be juicy after all this shit.  

Overall impression of the episode--

One of my favorites of the season so far.  The horror aspects were fantastic, IMHO. I truly didn’t expect to like Connie and Virgil’s scenes as much together so that was a nice surprise.  She got the reunion that felt most true and earned for the character and her story and I thank Angela from the bottom of my heart for that.  

I would have loved more Carol but I always want more Carol.  I’m okay with her taking a backseat because ultimately?  This was Kelly’s moment with her sister.  Carol and Connie will eventually have their time to sit down and talk.  And pick back up their blossoming friendship because I truly do not feel Connie blames Carol at all.  

I do wish Lydia had been included with the girl group.  Last episode felt like it was leading up to that.  

The Reaper storyline continues to be the weakest link because every time we see them the dialogue and interactions feel totally recycled from the time previous.  I feel like it would have totally been helped by a tighter focus and less stretching out because 8 episodes of this is really diluting what I feel like Angela and Co. are going for.  I’m not here for Leah being redeemed or being a bigger focus in any of the episodes because she does nothing of interest for me.  I’m just peeking in on that story for the Daryl of it all.  

Speaking of the Daryl? You lovelies out there gotta stop taking that spoiler source’s recaps at face value because it’s obvious to me at least that there’ some bias at work.  Every action and word coming from Daryl is coming from a place of loyalty to his family and wanting to protect them, no matter how he has to dirty his hands.  Leah is just a means to his ultimate end.  She’s not his future.  She never was.  His future’s already spoken for and 2023 can’t get  here soon enough.  But like Daryl, we have to just survive somehow.  

Oh goodie.  More Maggie and Negan next episode and looks like no real follow up on Connie and the ASZ reunions.  Hopefully, this is yet another instance of the previews being deceiving but I’m not holding my breath.  

Until later, lovelies.  

Hope my word vomit didn’t bore you too much.  

[murphystartedthefire]

Conageddon - Richard & Luisa Panel

This is all out of order but finally sharing some notes and memories from the GLORIOUS Memori panel. I got my people. <3

UPDATE: The panel is now online! 

Firstly, they used this Memori fanvid as the intro, giving us all the feels - glad I was able to track down the song and video!

- My general thing that I said to @doortotomorrow is that honestly the whole vibe of their panel was so sincere and supportive and sweet. A lot of people commented what a switch it was from earlier in the day when Richard was being really silly with Bob and Zach, all messing around and could barely give a straight answer to a question on their panel -- which was enjoyable for other reasons! (a.k.a. Richard had just been handed a bubble maker and just spent 2/3 of the panel releasing a steady stream of bubbles and distracting Bob with it until he ran out.) But here they were talking really thoughtfully about their characters while still having funny moments. GET YOU A MAN WHO CAN DO BOTH etc.

- Re: The beer pong games from the party the night before, he was so proud of her for winning with him and she credited him for teaching her. Richard calls her his “masterpiece” lol.

- In season three when Murphy was "courting" Emori, Richard would be cute between takes and give her things like a little leaf as a gift. And then she threw it away when she thought he wasn't looking, and Richard was acting all offended. (Confirmed Soft Boy Murphy.)

- They share Memori songs with each other and listen in one earbud each while preparing for scenes. Before the rocket scene in "God Complex" they were listening to "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie, she ran to him like you *have* to listen to this. Another one Luisa introduced him to was ”Scared” by The Tragically Hip ... Richard started singing it softly. I apparently willed this panel into existence with my mind. (sobs) EDIT: Thank you to @dailymemori for pointing out, Richard’s Memori song recently was “Here I Am” by The Boxer Rebellion.

- At one point Richard started talking about how he has such a close relationship with her but never felt like there was a danger of fiction blurring with reality... like Luisa is so beautiful and smart and kind and yet they never think about each other that way (romantically) and would be like "god no" if someone suggested it, she's just Lu to him. <3

- They talked about how Murphy and Emori saw something in each other immediately, that they were kindred spirits, Richard: "I get your crazy and I like it." Their first episode together, Richard said it was a test, they didn't know if a love interest could ever work for him. He emailed Jason to say how great she was and that they had to bring her back. Luisa remembers the moment where she has the knife to his neck and he looks up at her, she saw the look in his eyes like "damn."

- They were asked a question about how they come down from doing intense emotional scenes, Richard said it’s easier for him when he knows he did a good job, he’s amped up and feels good about it. Luisa said that Richard is hard on himself and his own worst critic when he thinks he's not doing well in a scene. "He can give 100% and be upset he didn't hit 101%." He was jokingly like "Well yeah, that's just one more percent, I could've done it!"

- On that note, one scene they struggled with at first was the rocket/shock collar scene in 5x06 "Exit Wounds", because they knew how important it was to the season, it's basically the time when they actually do communicate about their breakup and the reasons for it. Their timing felt off, and the people on set knew to leave them alone and let them figure it out together.

- It was just... super validating to hear them talk from their perspective about Memori's S5 arc centering on that scene. Richard placed a lot of it on Murphy’s demons and headspace and with her thriving in space it felt to him like she was pulling away so he had to faster and harder.

- I’m cheating and editing this in because I’d forgotten about it, but there was a question about Emori and Raven’s relationship and Luisa tied that into talking about Emori’s disability and how she doesn’t really sit in her feelings about it; it’s actually their abilities that drew them together, them both being really capable and Emori being so amazed with what she could do with tech.

- I believe this also came up at the meet & greet but Richard is so sick of Murphy being called a cockroach, heh. It's not the animal HE associates with him... to him from the very beginning, Murphy has been a feral dog who was kicked and abused too many times, and is one who will snap back at everyone because of it rather than cowering.

- In the same/opposite way, Luisa saw Emori as a cat. (She talked with me about this a little bit at the autograph table too!) She has a workbook of things that inspire her and help her get into character, and in it she had a picture of a black jaguar or panther. It's alone and skittish and colored dark like her soul -- and now next to it, she has another picture of a lioness with her pride and that's Emori now. <3

- There was one particularly hilarious callback to the boys’ panel earlier. The guys were asked an odd question about which 3 animals they'd put together to make the most dangerous animal. Bob, Richard, and Zach were getting *extremely invested* in the question and arguing with each other & defending their animal choices. Richard had centered his answer on a hippo and kept going on a rant about how scary hippos are, even bringing it up after they moved on to the next question....

- So fast forward to the Richard/Luisa panel. I forget how it was brought up exacty, maybe moderator Jo was like "at least we're not talking about hippos anymore" or something to that effect. And Luisa immediately reacted like "oh no, hippos are the worst. They're so scary." and talking about a violent hippo video she saw. And Richard just STOOD UP, so shocked and vindicated, like, YES. THANK YOU. This is why he loves her! Lmao.

- Luisa mentioned the backstories that they come up with for their characters but nothing is canon until it's canon. Richard echoed this and said before the reveal of what Murphy's crime was, he always used to say he peed on the last tree. He figured Murphy was just a pee-er because of the scene in S1 where he peed on that kid. Luisa being snarky: "When I met him I thought, that's the man for me. A pee-er."

- One audience member brought up the point that Murphy & Emori mirror each other, like he did better as a Grounder and Emori did better in space, the places they were always banished in. They were like "whoa!" and marvelling at that idea, Luisa said she thinks they may have talked about that parallel before but forgot about it. After that insightful comment came a surprisingly simple "what superhero duo would you be" question. Richard to Luisa: "I'd be Robin to your Batman any day."

- Question: Octavia used Lincoln's tattoo as her war paint, would Murphy ever wear war paint based on Emori's tattoo? Richard whispered with her as if worried he might give away a spoiler, then cryptically said "wait and see". O_o

- Luisa said she would’ve liked to see Emori and Pike interact with her distrust of authority. Richard would’ve liked Murphy to meet Lexa since the only time they did was her death scene. Jo said Emori and Lexa would’ve been interesting too; Luisa thinks if she had reached out to bringing the mutated Grounders back Emori would be wary and not want to trust her.

- Another audience question that I *have* to give a shout-out to for its creativity, someone pointed out that if Emori had been given the nightblood & survived, it could have led to Commander Emori & Flamekeeper Murphy. Again they had no real answer because it was just like "huh I have no idea what they would do with that power, that sounds like a bad idea for Murphy." :p But I am very into this AU idea.

- What would Murphy and Emori do if they switched bodies in a Freaky Friday situation. Richard: "I'd go find me. Emori's got a cute boyfriend." XD Luisa said very innocently she'd challenge someone to a race, she wants to see what this body can do.

[romaniassexdungeon]

Credit to @phyripo for the header image.

Oh look, I’ve finally finished another fic inspired by a Pogues song! This time it’s NedRo, based on ‘Haunting’ and the tone is rather… different compared to my other fics. Whilst most stories in the series are rather angst-filled (though there are happier ones scattered in there to mix things up) this one’s… well, I don’t want to say funny, more stupid and terrible. And most of it’s in verse. Because I hate myself. This took months to write and I’m so glad that it’s finally finished and I get to share this monstrosity with everyone.

I’m sorry.

Also Ned's name in this is Siemen. Blame Phyripo. Also thanks to her, @peteradnan and @tikola-nesla for reading extracts of this terrible thing and letting me ramble.

It’s probably better to read it on AO3

Siemen – Netherlands

Isabel – Belgium

Luca – Luxembourg

Alin - Romania

“Sit down on that stool hear the cant of a fool,

And a strange tale I'll impart to ye…”

“Opa, will you tell me a bedtime story?”

A big fat ‘no’ wasn’t going to be an acceptable answer here, was it?

The last thing Siemen wanted to do was read anyone a bedtime story, but two pairs of bright green eyes were staring right back at him in the gloom of their shared room and he knew he could spend an hour arguing with a pair of screaming children, or he could just tell them a damn story. At least this way, he could be downstairs with a glass of wine in ten minutes.

Isabel and Luca’s room was a mess of toys and clothes and Siemen wasn’t sure he’d ever seen two people with so many possessions. When he was a child, he had a few toys and books and a little bike. That was all. How did they even have time to play with all these toys? Especially since he’d never seen Luca play with anything except an iPad and that one plastic cash register.

Okay, maybe he was a little proud of Luca for that one. Especially when the kid short-changed a teddy bear for being rude to him.

He stared down at his grandchildren in despair. They… really wanted a story, didn’t they? Was there not something they could watch instead?

No, a story was always the best thing to send a child to sleep with. That was what his daughter insisted when she caught him letting the children watch Watership Down until they fell asleep (the TV show, not the film – he wasn’t a monster).

“Okay,” he said, voice cracking, “what book do you want?”

“Can’t you tell us a story from when you were young?” asked Isabel. “You’re so old! You must have interesting stories, right?”

It was illegal to dropkick a small child out the window, right?

“What did you do when you were little?” asked Luca.

“Respected my elders.” A fat lie but oh well. It was a lie his family told him to get him to behave. It didn’t work but they could sleep easily.

“Did you have TV?”

“Yes but only a few channels,” he sighed, “and it was small and grainy.” And if anyone knocked the aerial then the image was fucked and he’d miss the end of Floris in the time it took to fix it.

“So what did you do when you weren’t watching TV?” asked Isabel.

“Rode my bike.” He smiled, remembering the long summer days wasted cycling by the beach in the sun, maybe taking a picnic with him and spending hours just looking at the sea.

If he was being honest, he had to ride his bike everywhere, because he grew up in the countryside and everything was stupidly far away.

It was how he discovered-

That’s it!

“What about a story a friend of mine wrote?” he offered. Anything to stop them asking questions about his personal life. Even his wife – God rest her soul – could only recall approximately 5 facts about his life. And that was before the dementia set in.

The kids perked up.

“Well, he wrote poems,” Siemen clarified, “but story poems.”

Luca’s face lit up. “Ooh, like Dr Seuss?”

No, nothing like Dr Seuss. “Oh, sure. Like that.”

Leaving an excited pair of grandkids to their chatter, Siemen hauled himself up to shuffle into his room. He always tried to keep everything as organised as possible, a habit that now served him well in his old age. For example, he knew – under his bed – was a battered old suitcase where he kept old mementos regarding a certain someone.

There were two books in the suitcase, one a heavy scrapbook containing preserved leaves and twigs, the other was a notebook on the verge of falling apart.

The unpublished poems of Alin Radacanu, his final volume.

Hand written by Siemen Morgens, upon the poet’s insistence.

Most of these could only be described as ‘sexually menacing’ and certainly not appropriate for adult human beings, let alone children. There was one though…

When he hobbled back to the bedroom, Luca had climbed on the bunk bed to fight Isabel. Again. It was almost perfect, like Alin had planned to have his poem read aloud – for the first time – to a pair of fighting kids.

He snarled and began with a growl.

“Sit down ya wee bastard,

I’ve a tale of disaster,

And romance all to tell ye,

About a young man,

His name was Siemen,

And a strangely attractive ol’ tree.”

The kids jumped, Luca falling off the ladder and Isabel looking at him in utter confusion.

“Dr Seuss never swore in his books.”

He would if he ever met Alin. “I said it was like Dr Seuss, but not entirely. Now, if you promise to not tell your mother about the bad words, I would like to continue, please.”

The kids nodded, eyes sparkling at the thought of hearing ‘bad words’ with cool Opa Siemen. And keeping a secret from mum.

“One night, a cold night,

A night full of fright,

He set off on his little old bike,

Off to a party,

His attire classy,

As the rain it speared like a pike.

If a journey could kill,

Oh, this man hated hills,

He much preferred land to be flat,

He was a Dutchman,

So hills he would ban,

If he had the power to do that.”

“Why don’t you just get a taxi?” asked Isabel.

“It was the 1960s and I lived in the countryside. We didn’t have taxis like those fancy fuckers in Amsterdam. Also I was poor.”

Luca laughed at him.

“You shut your bitch mouth.”

“The rain was too much,

The trip dangerous, as such,

And the hill a steep torrent of mud,

So this man turned around,

For shelter was bound,

Before he got knee-deep in sludge.

At the foot of the hill,

Trapped in a chill,

Our hero sat, sulks by a tree,

But lo and behold,

Gnarly and bold,

This tree was in fact me.

Now a prankster I am,

And I can’t spare a damn,

So as slick and as sly as an oyst-

-er, I bent down to his ear,

And in words loud and clear,

I simply said to him: moist."

“Your friend isn’t very good,” Luca commented.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Well, no.”

“Then shut up.”

“He was up like a cat,

Or poker to the back,

And let out a terrible shriek,

His face deathly white,

Oh, what a horrible fright!

Simply too fearful to speak.

When nobody was seen,

Except for this tree,

This young man decided to run,

Away from ground haunted,

By ghosts he was taunted,

I, the living tree, he did shun.”

“Your friend… is a tree?” Isabel raised an eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“Mum was right; you’re a senile old bastard.”

“I swear to you it’s tr- I’m a what?”

Isabel shrugged. “Her words, not mine.”

Siemen glared at her for a long moment. “Can I continue?”

They nodded.

“Good.”

“Back on his bike,

Almost flew into a dyke,

In his haste to get away from me,

Shaken and shook,

Without a backwards look,

At me, the twisted old tree.

For weeks, I, alone,

Just stood and bemoaned,

The loss of a potential new friend,

I want him back now,

My soul he will plow,

Will my loneliness ever just end?

Then one silent night,

A strange speck of light,

This man had come back to me,

Though he was scared,

My power he feared,

A new friendship, could this possibly be?”

Luca raised an eyebrow. “You went back to the scary old tree?”

Siemen shrugged. There was a time where he’d been less sensible, almost reckless. And maybe he just wanted to prove to himself that ghosts weren’t real because, dammit Siemen, you weren’t raised to be such a gullible fool.

“If you had found out ghosts were real, would you not want to find out more?”

“Ghosts aren’t real, though.”

“Well, you are wrong. Very wrong. Wrong and stupid.”

Luca began to cry. Because that is what happens when you call a seven-year-old stupid, Siemen.

“Wait, no, I didn’t mean it!” he hissed, “please don’t tell your mother.”

“Give me €20.”

“Absolutely the fuck not.”

Luca cried harder.

The little fu- “Fine! Here!” He – incredibly reluctantly – opened his wallet and fished out a twenty.

He already knew that smug smile on Isabel’s face meant bad news.

“You’ll have to pay me to not snitch too,” she said slyly. Why did his daughter have to go and have 2 kids?

With a growl, he handed over another twenty. “Can I continue my story now?”

“Sure thing, Opa!”

“He kealt at my root,

His glare was acute,

And demanded to know what I was,

Malevolent spirit,

A vision too vivid,

Or was he a cruel laughter’s cause.

I spoke to him gentle,

A voice thin and fragmental,

I begged him to hear my sad tale,

I meant him no harm,

No need for alarm,

I am but a man, cursed and frail,

Though his eyes showed his fear,

Siemen’s ‘yes’ was sincere,

He wanted to know tragedy,

This blight called my life,

My well-deserved strife,

The price of noxious vanity,

Alin the annoying,

A poet so trying,

A genius hated by all,

Though his rhyme was sublime,

And looks so divine,

He was regarded as quite the arsehole.

He made a bet with the devil,

Their power was level,

And he simply won’t ever die,

He put a gun to his head,

And in one shot was dead,

In blood did that idiot lie."

“This moron killed himself to prove he was immortal?” exclaimed Isabel.

“Well how else do you prove it?”

Isabel thought for a moment, then scowled when she couldn’t come up with a reply. Ha! That’s what Siemen thought!

"The devil punished this poet,

Eternal life? He’d bestow it,

Let this man live his mistakes,

Trapped in a tree,

Trickle of time oversee,

Alone in a silent heartache.

Well now I have Siemen,

Promised to be my friend,

He’d come back to visit again,

And the next day he came,

My heart was aflame,

This feeling spread like a bloodstain."

“Eugh,” Luca pulled a face. “A tree fell in love with you?”

“A tree that used to be a man, mind you.”

“It’s still weird. I mean, you couldn’t fall in love with a tree back, right?”

Siemen fell silent. His grandchildren looked at him in horror.

“Well it’s more about personality, you see.”

“And what kind of personality did Alin have?” asked Isabel.

“A horrible one.” They both raised their eyebrows. “Not really. Well, he was very strange, but I couldn’t help liking him. He was funny, and witty. And, well, I don’t know.” He could feel a blush creeping onto his face, and wanted to punch every single one of his blood vessels. “I just found him charming.”

Luca stared at him for a good minute. “Wait, are you saying this actually happened?”

“Of course.”

“You’re senile.”

“Sinterklaas isn’t real.”

Five minutes of crying, and a €30 bribe later, Siemen turned back to Alin’s poem.

“Our friendship, it grew,

To the town’s harsh ado,

Their tongues, like me, were thorny,

Though we broke the taboo,

Our hearts painted rouge,

The truth was he made me so-“

Sieman stopped. Why, Alin? “Oh no, that’s a bit too rude.” As were the next few verses, it seemed. And this was supposed to be one of the cleaner poems.

“We sat in the sun and he told me poems,” he explained, in the hopes of distracting his grandchildren from the prospect of something with a rude word in it, because holy fuck did children love rude words and he couldn’t have them asking their mother what ‘horny’ meant. “We talked about our lives and grew closer. He had a lot of interesting stories, though I’m not sure just how many were actually true.”

He desperately scanned the poem for something that was’t complete and utter filth, vaguely remembering just how disgusted he felt hearing it from Alin’s voice all those years ago.

Ah! Here we go!

“Our cruel reputation,

Across this flat nation,

The madman who French-kissed a tree,

I go naked in winter,

His lip has a splinter!

And his step-child a family of bees!”

Well, it was cleaner than the last seven verses. Isabel still looked disgusted though. He couldn’t blame her. It took him a week to get that splinter out. And that was just the one he got on his lip.

“Our time was a blast,

But it could never last,

He was a human and I just a tree,

I had stood here for years,

Cried cold, lonely tears,

What I wanted was my soul’s release.

What I ask of you dear,

I make this quite clear,

To go set me free at last,

Take your little axe,

Plunge it into my back,

And chop me up quite fast.

I know you will miss me,

With ice where you kissed me,

But the only way to break my cruel curse,

Is to chop me down,

My spirit set down,

Your axe shall be my own nurse.

I’m ready to die,

My soul has run dry,

And my bark has grown dark and inky,

So cut down this tree,

And let me be free,

In fact, I’ll find it quite- God fucking dammit Alin!”

“He’ll find it quite what?” asked Isabel.

“…Stinky?”

“That’s not the word! We’re not idiots!”

Siemen had had quite enough at this point. “It is the word now shut up and go to sleep!” And he left the kids to their protesting, turning off the light and creaking downstairs to find that wine bottle. After locking up the unpublished poems of Alin Radacanu somewhere innocent eyes couldn't find them, of course.

[awed-frog]

Got thoughts on SPN's representation of Greek mythology?

Hi! Thank you for the awesome question and yes, I’ve got thoughts - mostly bad ones, in the sense I’m not a fan of how the show’s treated Greek mythology but *waves a hand airily* I’ll allow it, one because they’ve got a story to tell and the law stipulates that everything else comes second and two because the Greek world is messy and scary and complicated and I don’t think anyone ever gets it right (in fact, it’s likely the Greeks themselves didn’t much understand it - except perhaps for Euripides *fans self, swoons*). 

So, first of all - let’s point out how Supernatural basically said the Christian God is the one true god and everyone else’s got less power than His childish, demented archangels and call bullshit on that and then forget about it, because, as I said, Supernatural is about a specific kind of American folklore, so it makes sense that it’s about Christianity, and (for the story they meant to tell in the beginning) they also needed a kind of power structure, so, whatever - it wasn’t done out of malice, it’s just world-building and make-believe and that’s always okay.

(Still - on bad days it does make me think about a hilarious discussion I had the pleasure to witness in college - see, there are a lot of wackos who study ancient history, you could even say we’re the majority, but in this particular class - something about religion in Imperial Rome - there was a belligerent and well-organized group of Christian fanatics, and they were there because they’d always assumed this particular professor was on their side - you know the type - an older gentleman who spent fifty years studying war and warfare and routinely makes students cry and doesn’t take shit from anyone - and anyway, this one guy was presenting something and he randomly started talking about Hinduism, and how he’d seen on TV some director created a god for a movie, and people liked the new god so much they started worshipping him, and Aren’t Indians a peculiar breed? and just like that we’d come to the point where half of us were seething with rage and about to throw stuff at this idiot and then - then our professor stood up and whatever, ninety years old or not he was very tall and awe-inspiring and impressive, also he used to threaten us with invisible pikes, so there’s that, any anyway he adopted a kind of Columbo stance and was all, Tell me, young man, don’t you belong to the congregation of [name redacted]? and That’s right and I was under the impression they took the Scriptures literally and Yes, we do and So if you believe that some snakes can talk and people can be turned into salt and there are magical music instruments which can tear down the walls of a city, I don’t exactly understand why you’re making fun of someone else’s faith and then - he fucking walked out halfway through the guy’s presentation, which was boring as hell, anyway, and full of stupid mistakes and just - wow - definitely a top five moment in my university career.)

As for the rest of it - look, the fundamental problem we have with Greek mythology is we are not taught the difference between mythology and religion, and the other fundamental problem is that Greek religion had nothing to do with faith and to us, that’s basically a biological impossibility and the third fundamental problem is that it’s not clear what those famous myths were even about and who were they meant for. So, really - there’s not much a modern writer can do with them - some have created wonderful things by using Greek myths as a kind of weft (for instance, Charles Frazier and his Cold Mountain), while others seem to have an instinctive understanding of how ancient religions and ancient gods behave (hashtag Neal Gaiman, hashtag actual god Neal Gaiman), but Supernatural - they’re not interested in any of that - despite their subject matter, they’re barely interested in the sacred at all, which means I don’t particularly enjoy, but also don′t particularly mind, their silliness - from Chronos to Calliope to the Moirai, Supernatural is not really talking about Greek mythology - they’re simply reimagining those stories to tell their own, sometimes to great effect (I loved what they did with sirens, for instance), so - people who like that stuff will find their own sources sooner or later, because that’s what ancient Greece is like - an illness and a curse which blooms and festers inside you until that’s what you live for, and the Greeks themselves - they did much worse than that to their own sacred traditions, and anyway, it’s their own damn fault if we can’t understand those stories at all - because you truly can’t - I spent half my life trying to make sense of them, and they’re like fire - the more you look at them, the more difficult it is to say what you’re actually looking at - if it’s shapes and shadows or simply flames or a chemical reaction you need a book and a piece of paper to pin down, or maybe even a thing you’re not supposed to master and should always be wary of - a mirror image of that world those people created for themselves - a web of wilderness and proud cities and coloured marble statues whose eyes would follow your every step and robots and werewolves and gods appearing on the battlefield and gods who haven’t walked this Earth for thousands of years and also women trained like dogs and women ruling Athens itself and that tension, that old, innate, overpowering need to travel East - to forget and betray that ‘between-the-lands’ sea that gave them undreamed power and discover a much greater prize: the deserts and mountains under the domain of a deity who should be Apollo and yet is not, and beyond that, the very secret of life, and the very secret of death. A place to rest.   

[mrkrychek]

Brighter than the sun (Part 4)

Finally been able to update this fic. Life got me lately so I don’t know how fast I can upload in the near future. But I hope you’ll like this part. And I would like it to hear/read what you think about it. Just send me a ask or leave a comment or so.

Here you find the last part

Warning: regrets, doubts and again some heart breaking 

Word count: 3927

Part: 4/?

The next days passed by not as fast as you wished. The morning after the party you'd nearly ran out of the guys room you had slept with without even knowing who he was. You couldn't remember his face and as you'd woken up he had his face buried in his pillow. You'd just got dressed as fast as you could and left his room to get to yours. The hungover you had had not been that bad but nevertheless you felt awful. Maybe because you'd remembered what Pavel just relieved to you and that you'd left him all alone with his broken heart. You'd fled from him instead of speaking to him. Explaining that you didn't feel the same way. But instead you'd ran away and fucked some guy who just had saved you from falling on the ground and hurt yourself. You'd been disgusted with yourself. After you'd gotten home you showered for like hours but still felt dirty and sick. You had been glad that Hannah hadn't been home so you could order your thoughts.

Later that day when Hannah finally had come home you barely had talked to her about that evening. You'd decided to keep quiet about what happened. But as the days passed and you barely left your room she started to ask questions. For a time she let you get through with lame excuses but that didn't last long.

“Honestly (Y/N) what's the matter? It's been five days since the party and you haven't left the room for longer than necessary. It seems like you're avoiding someone.” You flinched a little. She didn't knew how right she was. Yes, you've stayed inside because you've tried to avoid meeting the guy you fucked a few nights ago without recognizing him. And of course you avoided to see Pavel again. Although he was your best friend you knew that his heart was more than just broken and you were the reason why.

You got into your uniform for your graduation ceremony. Nearly everyone of your class passed, you and Hannah included. And today was the official ceremony where you not only get you grades but also your assignments to your ships. An actually very exciting day. But you didn't felt like it at all. With a little sigh you gave in and at least told you best friend at least something that happened. “Pavel and I...we had a fight...I hurt him...really bad...and I know I can't get it right anymore...”

“Oh sweety...” she turned to you and looked really sorry. She knew how much he meant to you as a friend. Sometimes she mocked you about being in love with him. But she knew that he wasn't more than a friend to you. “Whatever happened....I know he would forgive you...just give him time...”

“Don't think so...but yea...I'll give him time...” but you knew that he would never forgive you. You smiled a little for Hannah. “But I should put it by side....today is the day. We should go.”

“Yes we should!” She took your arm and walked outside. “All I can hope is that we'll get assigned to the same ship so we don't have to part.” You chuckled a little. What would you been without her? You loved her and honestly you couldn't imagine a life without her.

The ceremony itself was very boring. Quite too long speeches from several people and stories about the Federation you already heard a thousand times. It got excited  when they started to call everyone up, giving them their grades and also the assignments. As you heard your name called up you suddenly felt kind of sick in your stomach. You've never been this nervous in your whole life. But you got yourself up the stage right in front of Commander Pike who congratulated you for not only passed the exams but also for being one of the top students of the class. Your chest filled with pride. You really made it as one of the Top 5 students of the class. Goal (nearly) reached. You knew you father would be proud of you. Sadly he and your mom couldn't be here with you right now.

“And tomorrow your journey will start on board of the USS Robinson” he said with a kind smile on his face. “Captain Sinclair will await you at 0700 at the shuttle station as his new Assistant Stellar Cartographer. Good luck Ensign (Y/L/N) an make you father proud of you!”

“Yes, sir! And thank you!” You shook his hand before going down the stage and to the others who were already done. It took a while until Hannah was called up and get down to you again.

“Man...I got assigned to the USS Stargazer. My cousin is assigned there too as a nurse. So I can work with her. That's so cool!” She said as she stand right next to you and looked to you. “Please tell me that you're there too” And there it came to moment you have to break another one of your friend's heart. You hated it. But at least it would not be your fault.

“Sadly no. Got assigned to the USS Robinson and it's leaving tomorrow morning already.” A little sigh came out off your throat and your look got sadder.

“I got assigned there too!” Suddenly Keith said who just  happened to stood behind you. “So you don't have to miss me honey!” You looked behind you and smiled. Maybe this could be good that you got at least Keith on board with you. Not just only that you could continue to have sex with him but also that you have a friend with you.

“Good to have you then...but...” You turned to Hannah again. “...I will miss my best friend so bad.”

She threw her arms around you like you would leave immediately an hugged you tight. “Awww I will miss you too.” You hugged her back and tried to hide your sadness behind a smile. You weren't allowed to cry right now. Maybe later when you would be alone with her so no one could see your ugly cry-face except her.

Keith told you about a party which would be tonight for all who graduated today. But you decided not to got. Not only because of the fact that you had to get up very early tomorrow but also because of what happened at the last party.  It was the best to stay in your room, pack your stuff and be a little bit on your own because you knew that Hannah wouldn't let this chance out to find this cute guy she wanted to have last time but couldn't get him because he left too early with some other girl.

Right after the ceremony you and Hannah left for your room. You both had to start packing your stuff. You more than she had to. She would at least have two more days here at the academy before she had to leave. Actually you never had thought that everything would go so fast. Most of the cadets had to wait like at least two weeks or even a month until they would leave to space. You had barely 17 hours. Without noticing you sighed heavily so that Hannah turned to you asking what's wrong. You looked at her for some silent minutes like it was the last time you would see her in your life. It already hurt to know that in the morning you had to leave her behind and probably won't see her for years. Or maybe never again. Space was a dangerous place and also a large one. You couldn't know what the future hold. You couldn't say what the ext day in space would be like. So many things could happen out there.

“It's all happening so fast....” your voice was a little bit quiet and rough. The sadness in it was clearly heard. “...too fast...I...damn I already miss you even though you're standing right in front of me.” A husky laugh arose from your throat. “I sound like a wife that is saying good bye to her husband before he leaves for a mission.” Now Hannah also laughed and came over to you to throw her arms around you tight. You returned it and held her close. Both of you couldn't help but started to cry. Sharing such a deep friendship like you did was something special. But you were more than just best friends, you became somewhat like sisters over the few years together. So many things bound you together and you know that even space could separate you two. You would be always where the other was – in your hearts.

+

“I miss you too...but I know we will see each other and one day we work on the same spaceship.” You loved her for her optimism. She never saw the bad in things but only the good ones. And she inspired you with that.

“Yea we will! As soon as possible!” Both of you got rid of your tears and smiled at each other.

“How about we get into some more comfort clothes and get over to the cafeteria having one last good earth coffee and a piece of cake?” Sounded perfect to you so you agreed and changed as fast as you could into a pair of jeans and a tank top. You waited for Hannah to finish doing her hair and then you left together and had your last cup of coffee and piece of cake together.

-

When the evening came and Hannah left for the party nearly all your stuff was packed. Some thing would be send to your parents back in Alaska but some stuff would you take with you. Like some pictures and holograms of your family and friends. As you grabbed a hologram of you and your sibling you knocked over something. Your heart clenched as you saw what it was. It was the little matryoshka Pavel gave you a few days ago. You took it into your hand and looked at it. His heart broken face came back to your mind and you nearly wanted to throw away the wooden figure and scream. But you closed you hand tightly over it and pressed your lips together. It's been five days since you lost him. At least that's what you thought. What if he wasn't that mad at you as you thought? What if he just thought that you needed time to make up your mind about it and gave you this? What if he was just waiting for you? But what if he was so much heart broken that he would do something really silly? Your heart stopped a few split seconds as a image of Pavel covered in blood came to your mind.

Instantly you shook your head. No, no he wouldn't do such things. And neither would you allow him to be sad anymore – if he was. Hannah was right earlier this day, he would forgive you that you left. He has never been someone who was mad with someone for long. And if you would explain the reason you left he would understand. And you could leave the next day without the regrets of not talking with him about it. You definitely had to talk to him. So you grabbed your jacket, put it on and put the matryoshka in your pocket because nevertheless you wanted to give it back to him because it belonged to him.

You didn't know whether maybe he was at the party too or he was staying in his room alone. Or with another girl, doing things with each other that bought him more than joy. Again you shook your head. Why would you care if he was with another girl? He may had told you that he has been in love with you but that didn't mean he wouldn't sleep with another girl. In the end you just dumped him five days ago and he had all the rights to have sex. You also had sex with another guy, so no big deal. But it bothered you somehow even though you didn't knew why.

As you reached to party you looked around, keeping yourself hidden in the shadows so no one would see you. There was no way to be sure that Pavel wouldn't be here but as far as you could say he didn't seem to be here so you went on to his room. It's been a while since last time you have been there but you hadn't forget the way and the room number. It didn't take you long to get there. And now you were standing there. Looking at the silver gray door and doing nothing. You raised your hand after a few moments, ready to knock but you stopped yourself. What kept you from just knocking? In the worst case he won't open you or he would open you and tell you to leave him alone. It would hurt but you would understand his reason. So why was your hand shaking? Why were you so nervous? Slowly you dropped your hand and took a deep breath. You tried to encourage yourself to do this small thin and knock. Your hand rose like all by itself again and you hear the knocking sound. Your heart started to race now that it was too late to turn around and go.

The first few seconds of waiting felt like minutes. Then you heard a noise from the inside, like someone was walking through the room and to the door. The seconds before the door opened felt like an eternity. And than you saw this known little messy mop of blonde hair and this pair of blue eyes right in front of you. But the gleam that was usually in them was not there. They looked pale and tired to you. Suddenly your throat was as dry as a desert. You didn't knew what to say. It wasn't like you'd known before what to say but now there was no word there to come out.

“H-hey...” His voice sounded rough and also deep like he hasn't spoken in a while. But the boy was nearly sixteen could also been that his voice was now breaking and about to become darker. His eyes told you that it wasn't that way. He was hurt. So damn hurt that it hurt you even more. But you took a deep breath and tried to find your voice again by clearing your throat.

“Hi...I...uhm...can...can I come in?” You looked down at him with sad eyes and saw him slowly nodding before he stepped aside to let you in. A very small smile got on your lips for barely a second and you got in. The room was dark except for a few lights from some electrical equipment and a little lamp on the side table next to his bed. He was clearly alone, his room mate probably at the party. You took a few steps inside tried not to step on anything or to stumble against something.

“Vait a sec..I'll turn the lights on...” he said but you shook your head not sure if he could see it where you were standing.

“No it's fine...I like it that way....” So would it possibly be easier to talk to him while not seeing the full sadness in his face. You swallowed hard and looked around looking for something to sit on. But he hadn't enough space for a table with chairs or a couch so there was just his and his room mate's beds.

“You...can sit down on my bed...” he said probably saw what you were searching for. You nodded and walked to his bed and sat down. Your whole body was tensed up and your heart was racing again so fast that you thought it would jump out of your chest any second. Both of you stayed silent for some time and you could swear that the tension was so thick that you could cut the air into pieces. But then finally he made the first step. “Vat do you vant?”

“I...I wanted to...” Actually what did you wanted? You didn't even know anymore and you doubted that you ever had known it. Your eyes were an the ground, you hadn't the guts to look him in the eyes if you even could do so in this darkness. The thoughts in your head spun around very fast. What did you wanted from him? There had to be a reason why you decided to come here. “...I....wanted to apologize....for...leaving you...”

You heard him sighing before you heard him walking towards the bed and sitting down next to you. Leaving enough space between you that you could barely feel the bed moving. “It's okay....I should hawe known better...” The sadness and the pain in his voice made you want to hug him but you couldn't but it made you raising your head and turning it slightly towards him to look at him. He didn't looked at you. Like yours before his eyes here on the floor. In this nearly darkness he looked much older but also sick. You flinched as you realized that you were the reason why.

“No. No I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have left this way...” You had to breath deeply to keep control over your feeling that started to rise. “I was drunk...and I...I panicked. But at least...I should have say something to you instead of....running...”

“You did. You'we said zat you're sorry....and zat you can't....” With this sadness in his voice his accent sounded even heavier and it was difficult to understand him. “I shouln't told you vat I feel...it vould be better.” The urge to reach out for him and to touch him ran throw your muscles but you forced yourself not to do so. You could do so much worse by it.

“Don't say that. You're actually the first boy who ever told me that he...was in love with me. No one ever said that.” Not even the few actual boyfriends you had before you started at the academy. “But...I'm sorry...I'm not in love with you. Not that way.” Your heart clenched like it knew it was a lie. But all you could say that it wasn't at least you said so.

“Все нормально (Vse normal'no). Don't vorry. I'm okay.” The lie in that wasn't something you could miss hear. And it hit you hard again. So bad that your eyes filled with tears. You lost the fight over your feelings. Silently the tears rolled down your face and your body started shaking. You've never wanted to hurt anybody in your life. But you did. And you also hurt yourself with that.

“I-I'm sorry...I...” again you swallowed hard, also so make your voice sound more stable. “I hurt you so bad...but I didn't want to....I've lost my best friend because I'm such a bad person.”

That was when Pavel looked up to you and saw into your wet face. “No!” was all he said when he took your face into his hands, wiping away your tears and shaking his own head. “No! You're not a bad person. You are vonderful and honest. And you...did not lost me...” You sniveled and looked at him. He was hurt, clearly he was, but he was not giving up on you. He didn't pushed you away like you probably would have done. He had such a big heart. To big for one person.

“Pavel...” you said quietly and in the next moment you found yourself in a big hug. You couldn't stop yourself from crying even more by this. But these had been tears that should have been released sooner. And it was good to let the out while this Russian boy held you tight and saying kind words to you. Trying to calm you. Even though you couldn't understand everything because sometimes he switched into Russian and your Russian wasn't that good that you were able to understand. But nevertheless he calmed you with his now softer voice.

“Eweryzing vill be alright...ve are still friends okay?” It should been you saying these words. You were older than him. You should be there for him. Giving him some piece of advice. Telling him that time would heal the wounds of his heart. Promising him that you would respect his feelings but you want to stay friends. But no, he was the one telling these. Giving you comfort. Drying you tears. Because it was you who was more heart broken.

After a few minutes in silence – or was it more? You couldn't tell – you got out of his arms, rubbing your face with your hands to get it dry from your tears. You got back some distance between the two of you but not as much as before. Both of you didn't know what to say so you just kept the silence. You didn't look at each other but your eyes were on the other. His on your hands, yours on his feet. You tried to find some words. Something to break the ice again. But as much as you tried to find some topic you couldn't do so. Somehow you started moving your arm, rubbing at your pocket of your jacket. This was when you felt the little wooden figure in it. You got it out and held it out to Pavel.

“This is yours...” you said with a quiet voice. “It gave me much luck in my exam. Thank you for giving it to me.” You grabbed his hand and wanted to put it inside it but Pavel moved his Hand over yours and closed it.

“No please. It's yours. Keep it.” Finally he looked at you again with a small smile on his lips that you missed so much. “It vill keep you safe. You vill need it on ze USS Robinson.”

“How did you know?” - “I vas zere. Needed to see you. I'm sorry.”

He was there at you're ceremony just because he needed to see you? You cursed at your inside that you couldn't make yourself fall for him. He was the sweetest thing on earth. Yet again you thought that the girl who would end up as his girlfriend or even wife would be the luckiest. This boy would grow into such a nice man that at some point he would no longer be alone and heart broken because the girls would fall for him in seconds. And if you wouldn't know better you would say that you felt jealous about it. Not for him that he would have the chance of getting so many girls but for you not being that woman at this point anymore.

“Thank you!” You said and gave him instinctively a quick kiss on his cheek. “I will keep it close and save.” Your eyes met his and you still could see the sadness in them but there was this little gleam he always had started to come back. It would take time to him to heal but you knew that you hadn't lost him. He was still your friend. And maybe when you'll meet again in some years you could act normal around each other. All it needed was time....

[nycto-draggo]

Flow Trek 2: The Wrath of Goat [Part 2]

Ah yes, ye olde goat versus fish fight. With a human thrown in the mix.

This is a conversation between Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr and yourself, ❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)].

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: ((n i c e))

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: ((First try))

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: // Awesome.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: The robot's swarm of parts 'shook' its 'head'. "Nothing, 'prince'. He simply spoke to me, after his defeat of me. After all, HE is the prince here. Not you." he said.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: ((Imagine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxicyJSygkc playing, for example))

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "You wanted to be an inspiration! Not their destroyer!" He shook himself, holding the Mini-Galaxy in both hands, a stereotypical chainsaw grip on the weapon.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: His disjointed pieces motioned as though flipping his hair with a hand, and he scoffed. "An inspiration to MONSTERS, darling. All too often does one discover dark secrets behind their idols. Even I had several I wouldn't have wanted monsterkind to find out about." he said, with his standard click of melodrama. He then formed his hand together as best he could to snap his fingers, and his soul-eye above started shaking..... Before its pupil split into many, and started projecting light beams like the reflections from a disco ball. As Mettaton's body started dancing with an unheard melody, the eye started rolling and turning itself, spinning blue, orange, red and yellow lasers all over Flowey's monitor.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "To humans as well! You had dreams of leaving the quadrant, becoming the galaxy's biggest sensation--" He held the trigger and started firing at the eye, holding his ground and burning through the magical ammo supply. You could only fire off so many shots without starting to fatigue yourself.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: Mettaton's body seized up as his eye was shot at- why hadn't Asriel thought of that before.... "Ack..!" he sputtered, his 'eye' squinching shut and flying away. "Irrelevant! The humans are simply what my likeness was born of!" he spat, the other eyes turning to watch. "You want to shoot MY soul directly... I'll simply send in a stunt double!" A warning siren was blaring in the back channel of his comm link- at his feet, the screen had gone white again, displaying Flowey's energy meters. The pink heart had been hammered down to 73% power. He actually injured what was left of Mettaton.... And his body's parts flew after the eye as it retreated out of sight behind Flowey.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: The screen flashed a dull red when Mettaton was done cursing him. "For the last goddamn time, Mettaton, I am NOT your stunt double!" ...Undyne. Fuck. His. Life.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: ((***Note for readers after this: I was waiting all day to cut the MTT fight short, hahaha***))

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: Asriel tossed the Mini-Galaxy aside, grabbing the Sabres and twirling them again. One shortened itself, much better for parrying with. Undyne, he held a deep respect for her, and he wouldn't just... shoot her. No. He'd fight her the way she'd fight.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: The siren blared louder after the guard captain's outburst, as the red on Flowey's monitor glowed brighter and brighter.... Until everything was red, and turned to static. For a few moments, everything was dark, and Asriel couldn't make anything out. His bare feet felt like they were standing on something smooth, like glass....... Until he felt a heavy tremor nearly knock him over. A spatial fighter ship had just jetted past him, narrowly missing its open opportunity to splatter him across space. Its plating was painted bright cyan.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: (( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvoL6mT7Flo :P))

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: The proximity alert of his sensors was already going off due to Flowey, so he had no warning of the ship's approach, and flinched aside after almost getting taken out by Patience. "Undyne! Will you, at least, fight fair?"

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: He'd hear chuckling in the distance.... Not from his comms. There was atmosphere here.... Somehow. As he challenged Undyne, various teal circles appeared around him, surrounding him as the ship curved around in the distance. Once the ship had completed its U-turn, Undyne's spears shot up from the ground, trapping him in place... Unable to dodge away from the ship now speeding towards him....

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: ... instead, he braced for impact, the Entropy Sabres (well, more like Entropy Sabre and Entropy Dagger now) held out in front of him. They'd absorb most of the blow, and hopefully deflect it so that it bounced up. "I'll take that as a 'no'."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: But..... The ship phased right through him. He felt a bizzare ripple through his being as the ship and human passed through his own body, but he was unharmed. It was because he was standing still. When he opened his eyes, he'd see.... A disturbing sight. Undyne stood with a pike made of celestial energy, pointed at his face, while the other spears were gone. Her armor was melted in some places, and her face.... Her right eye was burned out by some form of plasma. She was wholly blind, now. "What other option do I have, punk?" she breathed.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "... surrender?" He almost laughed as he suggested that - yeah, as if. Undyne had never surrendered, even while training as a kid - she'd only given up when she couldn't fight any longer. He quickly caught the pike in the two little notches on the back side of his Sabres, and shoved it up, using the momentum from that to swing himself forward and kick her back.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: Of course, this plan was ill thought out- Undyne's pike wasn't quite close enough, and as he raised his swords, she sneered, jabbing her weapon in between them on purpose. With a circular swipe, she knocked the dagger out of his hand with ease, kicking it with the boot of her armor. It shattered into bits as she turned the pike sideways and shoved Asriel back by his sword. Once he'd stumbled to a stop, the ship flew back, phasing through both of them. Almost too close... "Surrender...? You're fucking hilarious." she quipped.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "I know, I know." He held the Sabre in both hands now, adjusting the sensors to track the ship. That also turned the proximity alarm off from Flowey, which was quite helpful with it no longer ringing in his ears. "You don't DO surrender."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: She chuckled, keeping her 'gaze' locked in his direction even though her eyes were both gone. For some reason, she still kept that eyepatch over her left one... "Exactly." she spat. "And I'm not gonna let humanity hold us away from what was once our home- a lush, massive planet with liveable atmosphere and a variety of climates anyone could live comfortably in.... But humans decided it should only be them."

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "There are other planets like that! And you can reason with them as well!" He stepped closer, only pausing when the ship seemed to be coming on another attack run. "You don't have to kill them all."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: Undyne's mouth twitched, and she gripped her pike tight. "You didn't hear the others, huh. It's wired in their minds to want control. Superiority." she said flatly. "'Made in God's image' but not with the power to match the self-value. Once THEY start exploring other planets, they'll colonize and conquest, enslaving or killing whatever tries to stop them." she said sourly. "You know I'm right."

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "So they're a species just like Flowey? Misanthropists?" He feinted a blow to the right, then a quick swipe left, aiming for the already weak parts of her armour. "You and your goal aren't RIGHT, and I will do everything in my power to stop you... for your OWN GOOD."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: Undyne drew a sharp breath, her spear quickly following his sword as it moved. She was evidently relying on her hearing... And Asriel was talking, breathing, and displacing air with his sword's movements. "We're numbered a tenth as many as we once were." she hissed. "Humanity nearly slaughtered all of us, then said, 'let's leave some alive so we can jack eachother off about being merciful'. They knew full well that that was the far crueler way to go about it."

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "And if we'd won? Love, mercy and compassion make up a monster's soul... but they don't define it. I've SEEN malice, self-obsession driving monsters to commit atrocities, and when I was the damned flower I killed EVERYTHING because I WAS BORED!" He made a point of swinging mid-shout, hoping to catch her unaware of the Sabre's movement. "Humans won the War, and that council of seven SAVED every single Monster they could!"

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: Undyne furrowed her brow, quickly shifting her pike up between her hands to catch his saber with a ridge at the middle of the spearshaft. "Humans were the instigators too. They wanted to eliminate the threat of what THEY dubbed 'monsters', that could become absurdly powerful with just one human soul." she retorted. "If their 'United Nations' truly cared, they wouldn't have allowed the civilization's generals to start the war in the first place. Monsters would've been happy to continue living peaceably as was, following Asgore's example." She sniffed at mention of Asgore... Asriel would see that she was carefully holding back a couple tears, while the human's ship circled them in the distance.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "Undyne, you've disobeyed direct orders before." He rolled his eyes, taking a step back. "Those human generals went above the UN's head. Started a war nobody truthfully wanted. You haven't got to read human's history, I HAVE."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: She gritted her teeth, forcing Asriel's sword aside to jab at his stomach. "ASGORE WAS *THERE*, ASRIEL!" she shouted. "HE WITNESSED IT ALL HIMSELF, FIRST HAND! SAW HIS FRIENDS DIE BEFORE HIM, TURNING TO DUST IN HIS ARMS! DON'T YOU DARE CLAIM THAT YOU KNOW IT BETTER!"

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "So a War started by rogue agents is the fault of ALL of humanity?" He shoved the spear down with a burst of magic, then rammed his fist into her face. That was a benefit of using a sword, didn't need two hands to control it. "The UN publicly denounced them! Didn't stop them attacking!"

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: Undyne grunted, tensing up and actually dropping thee pike when he punched her. But that proved to be a hell of a mistake. Without another word, she slugged him RIGHT back, with a punch from her gauntlet that snapped a couple joints in hiss neck out of place and sent him reeling back... The ship flew by again, but she'd JUST knocked him out of its path in time. "...Fuck it, you're not worth the argument. You aren't his son, let alone my brother." she grumbled. When he looked back, Undyne was gone, and he pike was raising up on its own... Before being joined by various other weapons, scaled up to about three times his size. All started spinning as the ship narrowly flew amidst them. As it happened, a voice got picked up by his comm link- probably the human. "Captain's log, stardate unknown. We seem to have entered a sudden field of space junk. This'll require some tactical flying I definitely have the skill to do." It was a girl's voice... Barely an adult by the sound of it. And a fucking nerd, from her talk.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: He picked himself up, the suit pushing his spine back into place. It hurt, but that was the automated medical module for you. With none of the weapons focused on me, he tuned into the commlink. "Hello? Can you hear me?" The second Sabre had reformed by now, and he placed his hands on the ground before pulling them back into his hands. Didn't want to risk them slamming into the ship while being recalled.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: // focused on him, not me!

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: The voice chuckled dryly. "Computer, fix the damn security on this channel. Looks like a wispy goat's eavesdropping on us." she said... As the ship made another round, it flew past with one of the massive weapons between it and Asriel. As it shot by, its upper part blew open, ejecting the human out before closing again and shifting as it went into autopilot.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "Not eavesdropping over open comms." He chuckled, twirling the larger Sabre, the Entropy Dagger on his hip. "Please tell me you're more reasonable than everyone else so far."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: The human landed down on the 'ground', watching a spinning 'knife' fly past them. She was indeed pretty young.... And her whole body was pale-fleshed, and covered in frost. He'd have a good view of her clothes as she pulled out some kind of cylinder.... A red Star Fleet uniform, straight out of a convention hall. She was doomed to die before she even arrived. ...And with a press of a button, the cylinder projected out a cyan beam of energy. It was a straight up lightsaber. "Not really, no. I watched Star Trek religiously enough to see Flowey's point...."

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: The shirt was an omen, but one he'd ignore. He stepped forward, blade raised. "He's wrong. I... was wrong. Humanity's destruction isn't necessary. We can make peace with them."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: She shook her head slowly. "...Real fitting that your fur's white, too. You wouldn't understand the degree humanity can't even make peace with itself." she said, holding her saber two-handed as she stalked towards him in a circle. As she moved, he'd glimpse Undyne in the distance, before she disappeared behind one of the weapons..... Her right eye was burnt out by the light saber the human was approaching him with. The human had killed her.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "I understand what they're capable of. But when were you last on Earth?" He didn't bother to attack. She was Patience, she wouldn't strike first unless he baited her into it, and being on the defensive was advantageous.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: She narrowed her eyes. Her movement was slow, due to her evidently freezing and suffocating in the nil atmosphere of space... "Years ago. Not long enough for a truly impactful difference to be made." she said. "Slavery took centuries, gender equality was still a problem when I left. Racism is rampant, and a shitstorm starts up if you say you'd rather kiss your own gender than the opposite. That's just between people of the same species."

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "A few years... YOUR time. Didn't you learn anything about time dilation? It's been a couple millennia back on Earth! And you won't bother to see peace as an option." He shook his head, lowering the sword slightly. "None of you will."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: The human scoffed, narrowing her eyes. "Says who." she said. "You aren't from this universe. You have no way of knowing." She had a point...

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: He tapped the screen below him with a foot. There HAD been a map on it when he'd first seen it...

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: Except.... No screen. It was some kind of techy floor. The human stalked around him, rolling her head around to pop the joints. "What're you doing...?"

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "... what?" He looked down, then straight back up at her. No getting distracted. "Great. Flowey, stop warping reality around yourself. It's very annoying."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: The human raised a brow. "He isn't. He teleported us into a pocket realm made from the other five and I's magic. I said to give me a holodeck." she said.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "Well, I WAS standing on his monitor. Had a map on it." He adjusted his grip on the Sabre. "... how the hell did he convince Kindness?"

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "Or Justice, for that matter."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: She smirked, waving a hand. "Altruism and Vigilantism? Pretty obvious." she noted. That was right, the traits of the humans were skewed in this environment... Rather than patience, this human was Curiosity. Two holograms appeared, of the green and yellow souls. "His heart ached seeing monsters suffer so badly, and remembering all the pain humans have caused throughout history." she said, motioning at the green one. "And she's been fed up with humanity's bullshit for a LONG time." she continued, motioning at the yellow one. "Me? I already explained my case..."

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "Your case? That humans are incapable of changing, that they are so stubborn and set in their ways that it's impossible for them to ever get along with each other... Oh, wait. You yourself said differences that were made." He shook his head. "It'll take time. But don't you want to see that? When humanity's something you can say without a bitter taste in your mouth?"

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: A hand suddenly grabbed him by the horn, pulling him back. Undyne was there behind and to his side- rather, in front and to his side, now, and turning to face him. "Yeah, because it's not like the latest stance on slavery among humans says they can use convicts as slaves. That people who don't conform to the majority sexuality are freely allowed to be treated as lesser than others. That 'law enforcement' favors those of their skin color to others. List goes on." she said dryly. "But oh, you're the prince. None of that effects you."

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "Of-- COURSE that would affect me! I'm pretty sure the majority sexuality isn't asexual, and I would debate those laws in courts the way they're MEANT to. Not kill people because they disagree with me!" He twisted his head to shake Undyne's grip off, scowling slightly. "You're supposed to be a heroine, Captain. Start acting like it."

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: "I'm a heroine to monster kind." she hissed, summoning a spear as the human circled around to Asriel's other side. "Humans as a whole are not my friends. The only exceptions are here right now, watching us as we speak."

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "And the only thing that makes them exceptions is that they side with Flowey." He lowered the Sabre, pointing at Undyne's various wounds. "Tell me if I'm wrong, but that energy weapon of yours, human... it melts things, doesn't it?"

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: Undyne shook her head slowly as the human shrugged. "It can. Depends on the situation." she said. Her tone said she was knowingly avoiding the question.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "She killed you, didn't she, Undyne." This wasn't as much a question as it was a statement. "Under any other circumstance, you'd be trying to kill each other, not me. That's what Flowey wants. Obedience without question, a common vilified enemy in humanity and anyone who fights for them. Why do you listen to him?"

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: Undyne's mouth twitched. "She beat me because I was a fucking idiot about fighting her." "It's not like I was given a choice. If I didn't kill her, one of the others would've." The captain waved a hand dismissively at both of them, turning her head away. "I wasn't in my position when she came and died." "And wasn't it humanity that nearly destroyed you, too?"

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "Humanity killed me, but I was the one who tried to attack THEM. And even after that, a human fought to bring me back." He slowly shakes his head. "You know they can change, and you can MAKE that change, without killing them. Why do you listen to Flowey?"

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: The human's nose twitched slightly, and she turned her head away as well. "There's a reason they call it human error. Even humans expect other humans to be assholes. That's the first instinct, not an afterthought." It was pretty clear they were both really stubborn on the matter....

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "Answer the Rune-damned question, why do you listen to him?!" This was just frustrating now.

❤❤❤Sigma Flowey❤❤❤ [S is for Space =)]: Undyne took a deep breath, grimacing as she turned her pike and jumped to kick at Asriel's torso. "She doesn't have to tell you!" she spat.

Outertale!Asriel Dreemurr: "BOTH of you do!" He ducked under the kick and caught it, springing back up to seriously throw Undyne off balance. "He doesn't feel anything. He's manipulating you, you both know it, WHY are you going along with it?!"

[ruggercayden]

Reaction Fic to Ep. 81

So, while this episode was lighthearted, there were also some dark moments. I wanted to credit anyone who wrote reactions to the events that are talked about in this story because reading them helped inspire me to write this. So, thank you. Warnings are below the cut.

Warnings: Drug abuse, shouting, arguing, blaming, breakdowns. I have no experience with hard drug abuse nor the complete mechanism of addition (I know about it from a medical standpoint but that’s it.)

Vox Machina finds out about Scanlan’s…problem.

It was a few days after they confronted Raishan. While there was some trepidation of their plan to wait, in the long run it worked out for the better. They managed to come back with relatively few injuries and another thing crossed off their list of things they need to accomplish.

Vax was walking up to his bedroom to start getting ready for bed. Along the way, he passed by Scanlan’s room. His gut, the common sense that he was taught to listen to when he was younger, caused him to slow down and stare at the closed door to his room. Having the time to think about his immediate reaction to Scanlan, and the fact that the bard hadn’t really been around him much in the past day or so, made him walk up to the door and give it a gentle knock. There was no answer, so Vax assumed he was busy and made to walk away. After a few steps, he paused, unable to shake the growing feeling of dread in his gut. He walked back to the closed door and knocked again, louder this time and called “Scan-man, you ok in there?”

He then pressed his ear against the door, but heard no sound indicating that someone was coming. Making a decision, he grabbed the doorknob and turned it, calling out, “Scanlan, I’m worried about you, I’m coming in.”

Opening the door, Vax took in the sight of the room and paled in shock. Clothes were everywhere, plates of food and drink were scattered around the room, armor and other gear mixed in, like Scanlan hadn’t bothered to clean up. But what terrified Vax was the figure laying face-down on the bed, not moving. Shaking out of his shock, he dashed to the bed and grabbed the figure turning the now familiar body of his friend over onto his back. Scanlan’s eyes were closed and it was hard to tell if he was breathing. Vax quickly jabbed his left hand into the gnome’s neck while his right reached up to his earring yelling, “JENGA, HELP EMERGENCY IN SCANLAN’S ROOM. BRING PIKE PLEASE, PLEASE HELP, PLEASE HURRY!” Through his calling, he managed to feel a faint pulse in Scanlan’s neck and if he looked closely, he could see the faint rise and fall of Scanlan’s chest as he breathed. Thanking Sarenrae and the Raven Queen, he quickly shifted around on the bed until he found that thrice damn flute, filled with the remnants of whatever Scanlan had taken. By this time, the rest of Vox Machina had crashed into the doorway and saw Vax with Scanlan’s head on his lap and the flute raised in his left hand. Pike let out a soft cry, which was enough to jerk everyone out of shock. Pike reached Scanlan and immediately started to cast Greater Restoration on him. When the spell was finished, Scanlan started to stir in Vax’s lap and opened his eyes to meet the half-elf’s. As soon as his brain caught up with his body, he immediately jerked out of Vax’s lap to a standing position at the foot of the bed and his eyes grew hard and cold.

“What are you doing in my room Vax’ildan?” he asked, his voice the coldest and most devoid of emotion that anyone had ever heard. Vax stood up from the bed, dropping the flute on the covers in shock at the coldness radiating from his friend, and softly replied, “I just felt something was wrong so I came in to check on you.”

Scanlan flinched at the sound of Vax’s voice. “Why do you care? Why do any of you care?” he turns to look at the rest of Vox Machina standing in the doorway. “I’m just a dude with cool magic shit,” he says quietly as his eyes lower to the floor. Vex’s soft gasp fills the room and immediately she starts to say something. “Scanlan, I didn’t…” She gets no further before Scanlan shouts out, “What? Are you trying to tell me you didn’t ‘mean it like that’?”, he drawls out mockingly. “What would you expect me to believe? That you guys cared about me. How about when NOBODY ASKED ME HOW I WAS DOING AFTER I DIED?” Scanlan’s voice starts raising into a shout, “HOW ABOUT WHEN THE FIRST TIME ANYONE TALKED TO ME, I WAS BEING HOISTED IN THE AIR AND THROWN DOWN WITHOUT AN APOLOGY? HOW ABOUT WHEN I SPECIFICALLY ASKED TO NOT BE RESURRECTED BUT WAS ANYWAY?” Tears started rolling down his cheeks and his voice going softer, “How about when I made one promise to my daughter and I couldn’t even do that right? How about me being a failure, both as a father and as a member of this family?”

He dropped to his knees and started sobbing, choking out words through the sobs. “Suude allows me to forget how much I failed all of you and Kaylie. It allows me to live on top of the world, even if only for a little while. It helps me not relive the memories of dying over and over. It helps me forget that my family doesn’t care about me.” Scanlan then put his face in his hands and sobbed.

For about thirty seconds, the only sound in the room was Scanlan’s sobbing. Suddenly, soft foot-falls were heard. Scanlan’s head shot up to see a tearful Pike coming over to him slowly, hands up and palms out. She kneels down next to him but doesn’t touch him, her eyes watching him. Slowly, she starts to murmur to him, “Scanlan, you are right. We have been horribly inconsiderate of you and using you. We should have asked how you were doing after the first Raishan fight. We should have talked to you, I should have talked to you.” Tears start pouring harder down her face but her voice remains steady. “I know you didn’t want to be resurrected but...I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lose you like that. Not when I could do something about it. I am sorry.”

Scanlan looks into her eyes and simply says in a hollow, broken voice, “I don’t know how to deal with everything right now. I didn’t want the guilt of knowing I broke my promise.”

Percy, who has been quietly observing the whole time, suddenly comes forward and kneels behind Pike, Scanlan’s eyes following him the whole time. “Scanlan, yes technically you broke your promise,” at that Scanlan looks away from him and lets out a sob as Percy continues, “but you didn’t mean to. You did everything in your power to try to stay alive, and you are alive now. Yes, dying is not pleasant, it’s not fun, it’s not easy; but you have a second chance. Do you really want to spend your second chance ruminating on your failures, or attempting to right them?”

Scanlan looks Percy in the eyes and faintly says, “But how can I forget that I failed? How can I forget that my family doesn’t care about me, doesn’t think that I am valuable as a member? I’ve been there for all of you, and yet when I needed someone, or when I had legitimate concerns, all I got was rough-housed, yelled at, and laughed at?”

At those words, Vex comes forward swiftly and words start tumbling out of her mouth mixing with sobs, “I didn’t mean it that way at all. I swear, I was just kidding around with you and when you answered back I thought you were still joking. Scanlan, you are an amazing man, with a good heart. You protect us every time we need it, you are always there for us. Your humor and ability to keep us going even in the darkest of times is everything that keeps us together. You aren’t just dude with cool magic, although you do have cool magic,” at that comment, small smiles form on the faces of everyone. Even Scanlan has a twitch of the lips that would’ve been a grin had he been in a better place. “Scanlan, you are a member of our family, and I am so sorry.”

Scanlan looks over to Grog and Keyleth standing in the doorway and at Vax who hasn’t said a word nor moved from his spot in the corner of the room, where he ended up after Pike came over. Keyleth is looking at him with tears in her eyes, and he can tell that her, Pike, and Vex are fighting the urge to hug him. He appreciates them resisting that urge as his eyes rove over to Vax. Vax was looking everywhere except for him, until he felt Scanlan’s eyes on him. As Vax turned his head to meet his eyes, Scanlan saw remorse and guilt playing in the orbs. As soon as their eyes met, Vax lowered his body down the wall until he was sitting with his legs bent in front of him and started slowly softly speaking. “That day in Thordak’s lair, I was riding high on adrenaline and exhaustion. I know its no excuse, but it was there. I had just watched you die, and be brought back to life by Pike. I was scared, confused, and just wasn’t thinking. Seeing you, lying there on the floor, after something of your doing, my protective mode kicked in. I know I didn’t handle it correctly. I knew after I walked away. But I didn’t know how to apologize. I didn’t know how to approach you to talk. I thought that my note said what I thought needed to be said, but I should have looked after you, approached you, talked with you. I know this probably doesn’t mean much but I am so sorry Scanlan. I am so sorry.”

Scanlan watched as Vax’s head got lower and his knees drew into his chest. Scanlan could hear it in his, and in everyone else’s, voices that they were sincere. They do care about him, and they didn’t mean to hurt him. He sighed softly, “I know you all are sincere in your apologies, but that doesn’t stop the hurt I felt, that I have been feeling for the past few days.”

He felt everyone’s head lower and tears fall harder on the faces of Pike, Vax, and Vex especially. He looked around the room at the ragtag group that he had grown to love and realized that maybe he did matter...just maybe he did. Sighing, and ignoring the headache that was starting because of the mixture of his breakdown and the lack of suude in his system, he set his jaw and gently reached his hand out to touch Pike’s shoulder. Pike’s head shot up at the touch and met his eyes. “Maybe, maybe we can work on healing together. All of us.” Pike’s eyes widened and she gently reached out her hands to pull him into a hug. He stiffly went into her arms, head resting on her shoulder. With his hands, he gently pulled on the clothes of Vex and Percy and their arms slowly and gently wrapped around him. Looking up at Grog and Keyleth, he gave them a slight nod. Within seconds they were at his other side, kneeled on the ground, arms wrapped around him and the others. Lastly, he looked at Vax in the corner, making no move towards the group. Sighing loudly, Scanlan called, “Vax.” Vax looked up, meeting his eyes. Scanlan gave a small head tilt, one that clearly meant, “Get your ass over here.” Vax looked down, hesitating slightly. Clearing his throat so Vax met his eyes once again, Scanlan said tenderly, “Vax get over here.”

With that Vax slowly walked over to the group and wrapped his arms around who he could reach. After a few minutes, the group, feeling Scanlan’s discomfort, started to pull apart and sit on the floor around him, close but not crowding. Scanlan looked at each of them in the eye and said, “It will take me a while to forgive all of you. Some longer than others,” looking here specifically at Pike, Vex, and Vax, “ but I think I can forgive all of you. I do still love all of you; not particularly fond of y’all right now, but still love all of you.” Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself for the next part of the statement he had to say, “But if you ever hurt me like that again, I don’t know if I can give a third chance.”

All of them solemnly nodded. They knew that they had gotten lucky that they got a second chance with their Scan-man, and nobody wanted to risk finding out if he would make good on that threat. Letting out a sigh, Scanlan rubbed his temples trying to ward off the headache, “I am also going to need help getting out of this pit I dug myself in…I am not sure how well this is going to work.”

Keyleth, who had been very quiet until now, spoke up saying, “Of course we will help you. Whatever you need us to do.” The others nodded, murmuring their agreement. Scanlan looked at each of them in turn and replied, “Ok then. I think it’s time I try to sleep then.” As he said that, his eyes spotted the flute turned pipe sitting on his bed. Sighing for what felt like the millionth time in the past few hours, he picked it up, the remnants of his last hit still in it. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, waiting, knowing that if he really was going to do this, if he really was going to give them a second chance and try to turn his life around again, he would have to give them the flute of his own accord. Scanlan looked around at his family, meeting each of their eyes, and delicately, but decisively handed the flute to Percy. Percy took it from his hands, and stowed it in a pocket of his coat. Collectively letting out a breath they didn’t know they were holding, they each gave Scanlan a nod and small smile. He gave them a smile back and made to crawl into bed. He noticed out of the corner of his eye, Vex, Grog and Pike share a look with the rest of them and then dart out of the room. He raised his eyebrow at the three left, each of them shaking their head. Rolling his eyes, he crawled into bed, wrinkling his nose at the smell in his sheets as the other three came back into the room. In their arms, he saw pillows and blankets that they must have grabbed from all of their rooms. His eyebrows raised for a second time as everyone started to make pallets on the floor of his room. “What are you all doing?”

Vax raised his eyebrow back, asking, “Do you really think we will leave you alone after everything that happened today?”

Scanlan rolled his eyes for the second time in as many minutes and gave them a shrug as if to say “suit yourself”. As he turned into his blankets, he couldn’t help the small smile that came over his face. For the first time since the Thordak battle, he felt the love radiating off his family for him. As soft and loud snores started to come from the floor, from Pike and Grog respectively, and the noises of everyone else shifting to get comfortable faded, he knew that that this was a new chapter, a new beginning, and more importantly, a new chance to make himself a better man. It wouldn’t be an easy road, but he knew now he had the support he needed from his family.