#always almost gets there but not quite bc of bullshit. (everyone else fucks tho)

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

s1ep24 antibug

alright another episode i was highkey dreading

another list to help me keep track

sabrina not even getting her own akumatization arc, her character, and her "friendship" with chloe

marinette having to learn another lesson and chat noir scolding ladybug

marinette/ladybug being nice to chloe

chloe not learning anything and not changing

the weird emphasis on ladybug being nothing without chat noir and that they're partners in the episode itself

casual racism

sabrina: i'm honestly kinda annoyed that sabrina didn't even get her own episode. and that her akumatization revolves strictly around chloe and only serves chloe's narrative to become akumatized. as if the writers couldn't come up with a way to have chloe be akumatized specifically because she was mad at ladybug. which is such bullshit considering marinette is ladybug and already doesn't like chloe. sabrina is nothing but a one-dimensional plot device. she's a lamp! she's a lamp.

part of that also stems from sabrina as a character and the creator's/writers' decisions on their relationship. i've talked about this before but it hits closer to home for me bc i was sabrina insofar as i was very shy, very soft-spoken, often (and still kind am) a wallflower, and had a hard time making friends. and all of those traits leave you very open and vulnerable to bullies making friends with you to take advantage of the fact that you can't stand up for yourself. and you crave human connection, so you stay with them bc you can't fathom being alone or trying to make new friends bc you're shy and socially awkward.

and it sucks that sabrina is a character that's caught in that and the writers treat it like a joke. bc there are plenty of kids out there experiencing that, i am sure of it. and all this episode did was teach these kids that they have no other choice and that their "friendship" with someone like chloe is normal. when it's actually quite toxic.

i got lucky and managed to grow out of it through a lot of introspection. but i still have those shy and soft-spoken tendencies that were and still are exacerbated by being "friends" with ppl who often belittled me, treated me as a side-kick, and never listened or cared about my opinions. but to teach kids watching that that kind of relationship is normal and healthy? i mean that's almost as bad as everything going on in kung food.

marinette learning another lesson: i know i've talked about this at length too, but it never stops irking me. the fact that marinette is always the one who is punished by the narrative but everyone else is rewarded, despite whatever else they may do. and again, since the writers don't treat this series like it's serialized even tho they want it to be, none of these characters ever do any meaningful change or grow from anything. and after 5 fucking seasons, that gets really old. unless you're doing an anti-sitcom, like always sunny, then it makes sense for everything to be reset and characters not to grow or change. that's literally the point of an anti-sitcom.

anyway, it's unfair to always give marinette these trials and not have any of her classmates go through the same things. most especially adrien since he's supposed to be the deuxteragonist. like i know it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things since everything gets reset. but a better show would've actually developed marinette and adrien, and then her classmates, so that we actually felt a connection to any of them. actually cared about any of them. but like with sabrina, they're set-dressing for mainly marinette and adrien, but also alya and nino, since they're best friends of marinette and adrien, and also chloe. and notably, these characters all get miraculous.

but tikki and chat noir scolding marinette for not listening to chloe doesn't translate her not asking for help from others or taking chat noir's advice later. marinette is right!! chloe literally just lied to her, so why should she believe anything chloe says after that? this is not to mention that chloe is extremely racist?? so why should marinette be remotely nice to her at all?

god i wish she had been turned into soup.

besides which, it's not like she ignores chat noir. he often provides advice that ladybug listens to (tho i don't know why. he barely contributes to the team at all)

idk why i made marinette being nice to chloe a different point. it just annoyed me so much i guess i put it there, but all i wanted to say about that is above.

i still wish chloe had been turned into soup.

i guess point 4 can also go with point 2. these characters are stagnate. but what makes it worse is that chloe is just demonstrably a bad person. she's elitist, she's racist, she's mean. and she never grows out of it, never learns anything, is never given any things to learn from by the writers. she's just as elitist and racist and mean as she ever was. and then is rewarded for it--given a fucking miraculous.

*starts changing* soup! soup! soup! soup! soup!

emphasis on ladybug and chat noir: it was very strange that antibug kept commenting about how ladybug was nothing without chat noir when he loses in a fight to her and gets tied up to his own fighting stick/pole. like lol what. not to mention, as we've seen throughout this entire season, she can literally do the job on her own. she doesn't need chat noir at all. he's just sometimes comes in handy, but most often misuses his cataclysm (sometimes due to his own fault, sometimes due to the writers being uncreative rubes) or gets brainwashed and turns against ladybug.

like what a thing to emphasize that they're partners and equals when they are so clearly not. the writers do remember that they can't just say things right? that they also need to show these things within the wider narrative, right?

casual racism: no surprise there, this pops up again with chloe at the center of it. the fact that when she's impersonating ladybug and nadia asks about her hair, and she says that she changed it and "doesn't it look better this way" skirts so fucking close to aryan supremacy i want to gouge chloe's eyes out. i can't and also can believe the writers put that in there without a singular second thought.

bonus point: what the fuck was master fu doing in the background of the hotel when chloe and sabrina were playing ladybug and chat noir?? is that why he decided to give chloe the bee miraculous later??? on the guise that she's cruel to her friend, impersonated ladybug, and is racist??? hello???

[cowboy-robooty]

only time he ever resembles grandpa rome.. conquer and divide amiright lads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[medical-gal]

Death by a thousand cuts

I have been thinking about writing this for months now. Even before I decided to quit the residency at my previous job.

COVID has been kicking our ass, true, but that was (is) true for most healthcare providers all around the world.

No, my struggle started a bit before that actually.

First some background, I have been working at one of the biggest most famous ID clinics in central Europe. The clinic is in a different country than I am originally from so there was a bit of cultural accommodating at the begging. But we were a big group of ID interns/residents/fellows and specialists.

I don't actually remember that much from my first year working there. And I couldn't figure out why, but then I read in some study that when u experience a high dose of stress and/or sleep deprivation for a long time, your brain kinda stopps being able to transcribe short term memory into a long term.

I was working 100hours/week, sometimes less, sometimes more. After a year and a half, when the last half I worked in the ID ER for five months, I always stayed after working 24 hours, sometimes over 36hours, and I would see and treat 70ish patients. Nobody from the older docs would help me out, nobody from other interns either bc usually they would have their own kind of hell to take care of.

The fact that basically, inexperienced doctors are taking care of patients never really phased my ex-boss. Her mantra was that if there was a problem that you cannot resolve, you can call her and she would advise you. Which most of the time was true, I must say that.

But we all have been young docs, barely out of our medical school garments, and sometimes as it happened, we could not recognize there IS a problem that maybe needs a more experienced opinion.

I am often confronted with this idea or more like a culture, of pretending that once you are an MD you don't need help and asking for it is a kind of weakness and that then you are forever on the list of WEAKLINGS.

And let me say this only once.

That's absolute bullshit.

Anyway, the first time I decided to quit I worked there for about a year and a half, I went for a long-expected holiday, I took three weeks off, had interviews and talked with my bf about my options.

Second thing...my man, bless his beard, would support me no matter what. He is almost 10 years older than me, so he has more work experience and I find it reassuring to discuss stuff like this with him bc I know he will not sugarcoat it. He said that I should dig my heels in and last at least one more year till the end of my "internship". As a "resident" who worked at this specific department, I wouldn't have a problem finding another job. We r basically the equivalent of a french legion of medical professionals (when u work in this specific department and everyone knows it, I will come back to that later).

So I took his advice. Thankfully as a part of our training, one of those parts is a year-long internship at the internal medicine department, which I did shortly after we had that conversation and guys, that was a revelation of how medicine and just...work and life can be experienced. There were enough docs for a floor, an attending who had the time to manage and advise us. I´ve grown that year as a doc so much. Other internships were mandatory so I could have become (equivalent of) a resident, and it was a general surgery, anesthesiology, radiology, microbiology etc. But I did them all and became a resident.

The moment I came back to our clinic, my boss would put me in our outpatient department. Which I have never worked on before. The head of the department has quit a few months before, and I had no idea what to do there, bc it's a very different type work. The only thing my boss told me when I spoke of my concerns were "you will learn".

Thankfully the previous head of the department was a good friend of mine and she would always answer my questions and requests. Suddenly I no longer had to deal with the hectic life of an ID floor or ER, no sepsis, meningitis, etc.

Most of my patients were the chronic type...Lyme, chlamydia, mycoplasma... let's say it literally drained the life out of me. But I managed. Also, I started to work for their outpatient office which takes care of patients with chronic hepatatis. That I enjoyed more.

I also started to dip my toes in vaccinology, either planned like for travel but I started to be more interested in preventive care in the immunocompromised and my own phantasmagoria was to make a palliative care team in our hospital. Bc, we had none. And then a wonderful thing happened, other docs, older experienced, great at their work, started to refer their patients to me specifically.

There were more examples of the utter a complete FUCK U(s) which were kindly provided either by the system or by the head of the department or the hospital.

Then covid hit and the shit hit the interstellar space.

I still can't make myself remember the first few months bc it actually causes me to go into a rage fit, and honestly, I am done with that kind of negativity.

I hold out for a year. Year of such shitty treatment from the chief and our hospital head. No thank you- s or you are doing a good job or we r all on the same ship.

No.

People will say that I quit bc of the money. And that's not true, tho it did irk me a bit. All the other ID specialists working at different hospitals would get covid bonuses every month. We got jack shit. Again, the best biggest most know ID clinic. We were the first and oftern the ONLY ones who would test for/diagnose/hospitalize/treat a patient who had covid FOR MONTHS in the beginning.

I mean, the medical community is small, the ID community even smaller so yes, we were able to compare and contrast the work at different ID departments in other hospitals bc our friends worked there. And all of them would go speechless when they would hear from us what we were living thru.

At one point at the beginning of the pandemic, ALL the ambulances would go thru our ER department and we were supposed to decide where the patient should go.

AN EXAMPLE

Ambulance with a woman who has known colon cancer, had a fever, stomach as a rock and is projectile vomiting. I was supposed to decide where she should go and the surgeon would be super pissed when I said that I don't think she has COVID but without PCR I can't be sure but I think there is a bigger pressing issue. I remember him saying:

"well if anyone else gets infected at our department and dies, it's on you."

fun.

There were other examples of seriously stressful episodes which I and my coworkers lived thru, for which we were not trained for, advised, or properly supervised. At a certain point, I started to take anxiolytics before and during my all-nighters bc I didn't know what I would do with all that stress which was so callously shat on me and my coworkers.

For a few months, I stopped working nights, only thru the mercy of my coworkers who saw how exhausted I was and would take my shifts.

Anyway, after only two months I had to start working nights bc I needed the money. The basic pay for docs was just not enough without the extra from night shifts. Talk about exploiting.

The moment however when I decided to QUIT, when I was DONE, when I actually heard my heart break, was the moment at the end of the previous year. They decided to start vaccinating in our tiny small vaccination centre. Let's say a "shit storm" brewing is the light version of events that ensued.

But basically, as I was trying to discuss with my boss that we are all exhausted, that this wave is not slowing down and that throwing more work at us, the docs and nurses and other staff, who are overworked, is not a good idea,

What she basically said to me is that who says things like that is lazy and that if she can handle it everyone must be also.

The thing is..most of us were at the bring. Some would handle it with casual and calous sex, drugs (legal or not), a bottle of wine before sleep. A coworker ended up with antipsychotics.

But u know,

we were all lazy apperently.

I realized there is no way out of this other than quitting. I could not continue being so tired and sad all the time. I took two weeks off, really thought about it. Had diarrhoea and nausea for a week as I realized I will have to quit :D

On a Monday I came back, handed in my notice. Basically what she told me and how she reacted made me realized how right the decision was.

I had to stay there for another three months bc that's the law, but my mood changed significantly.

I got another job in a smaller ID department, working with amazingly kind people, but that's another story.

But that was the only interview I actually looked for and did. I, however, did get several job offers from different types of medicine. From heads of different departments in my old hospital to smaller general medicine chain offices who are looking for ID specialists, to insurance companies.

Like I said, french legion.

Or Runway and your boss is Miranda Pristley. Once u survive that, u survive anything.

But at my old work they would keep hitting you with wave after wave of passive agressive comments about how if u quit, u wont be able to find anything as"prestigious" as this.

There were many other exmaples of a shitty and questionable situations which were treated as "normal" but there is not point on getting on that rage train.

Contrary as it might seem, I am greatful I got to live thru this, good and bad, bc now I know what I am and am not willing to sacrifice for a job. No matter how much I might love it.

[gayspock]

data!

omf fank u...

How I feel about this character he is my best fucking friends <3 SORRY I DONT- IM SORRY THATS NOT A VERY INSIGHTFUL TID BIT IS IT, OMG... but he is 😁

All the people I ship romantically with this character i like data/geordi a lot! i think it's cute, yknow.<3 inot so much a unique, novel answer- though i think, in general.... god, it's really hard to describe. because it's like- TO ME, data/geordi to me are a pairing where i dont always label them in my head. does that make any sense?? like- i'll call them boyfriends and besties cutely and whatnot, but im also just sort of like ... (draws a love heart around the options that say relationship status for them)

like, dont twist tht: i dont mean it (or at least, i dont intend to mean it) in like a SUPER PRETENTIOUS sense? like goodness... blah blah blah, these characters transcend romance, or that their bond is more particular than any others, blah... moreso- i feel like data himself, and relationships of any sort, will inherently be different. and thats ok! bc the world is inherently different for him, and its like hmm...

idk how to explain it that well, you see, but its not that i dont think data cant NOT feel romantic love- but rather i dot think he'd feel different "types" of love at all, or at least not as clearly as we do, or its in a different way than we do, or- whatever..... i suppose thats a very abstract take on it, and partially its like. FR my own self-projection, a another autistic little guy who also really doesnt understand romantic love or friendship as theyre described to me by others but i can have my own silly little confused takes on either and be like well its this. :) and idk i thnk thats jst how it is <3 and i understand other readings on him completely bc of that- i think its all interesting, how ppl see him....

BUT YAH. him and geordi, above all else...i think what they are for each other is just really fucking nice, you know? like- it is... IT IS babe, you know? just so lovely and nice. bc like they arent pre-determined soulmates nor are they in the fros of passion for one another, yet theyre quite perfect for each other in the same way its pretty perfect when you put a bit of peanut butter on apples..... love and light. i hope theyre happy together being besties.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

everything i said above with him and geordi BUT ALSO FUCK IT IUP DATA AND DOCTOR CRUSHER

anyway fr tho everyone is data's bestie i think. literally what i will say about data is i think literally his dynamic works very well with, like, everyone because he IS a particular type of character and i think his perspective and inquisitive nature do, like, lend themselves to encourage certain reflection from each individual - so long as they're open to him. i really enjoy almost all other dynamics he has with ppl pretty equally!? i guess with the exceptions of picard and pulaski- neither of those really.... brought much to the show, in my opinion.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

dont think i have any off the top of my head?

LOL. I GUESS I WILL SAY- i agree that, though hes one of my fave tng characters, i deffo think hes overrated in a specific sense of like.... ik some ppl will hold him up and fr fr insist that hes the BEST THE BEST THE BEST and soo true 😁💖 but like in all honesty i'd get irritated also if he wasnt my cup of tea and i was a tng fan, like help.

ALSO. i havent seen the tng movies. hell- i might... man, i MIGHT. maybe when my exams are done- i feel like... this will sound so goofy, but i try to wait for specific days for things tht will be important to me. :3 ik at some point data gets an emotion chip- and i dont think this is that unpopular at all, but i suppose that this will be my own opportunity to say that i fucking HATE that... like i dont have to see it. I HATE IT.

like- in general, i hate the emotion chip. even with it not in his head- the very notion of it is bullshit, nothing girl<3 as corny and as shitty as a narrative move as it would be, i'd rather it were a fucking placebo- some bullshit "the emotions were inside of you all along!!!<3" kind of move. bc like... i mean. well. they are. data already feels plenty- he differs only in exactly HOW he processes the world, how he was learnt it, etc...... to make him seamlessly human, i think that'd only make sense if you completely erased all sense of self he had and rebuild him to percieve more "humanly" from the ground up. it certainly shouldnt be a chip that you can stick in his head that can be turned on and off at will.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

(strokes my chin) hmmm i am not sure. i'll think on it. i do- i do WISH... sigh. i dont know. i think its moreso a problem with tng and its format in general- i do kind of wish... there could have been more progression, yknow? in the sense of. mm. i wish characters actually WOULD-would understand him.

and its like- its like... sigh. i dont want ALL of them to. i think the way picard treats data? hell, i hate it- but it makes a hell of a lot of sense, and i think its realistic for him to be snappy with him. for him not to properly sit down and try to understand data- like that does... actually make sense to me, from what i get from picard as a person. unfortunately enough. and its like- im not "fine" fine with that, but i like it in terms of like. a character decision bc i actually do value some sense of honesty with that but then in comparison....

idk... theres some other characters who will be dismissive or irritated with him sometimes. and again- i suppose it is just... how people would BE, but its like. they will all insist they love him but then also fail to understand him and get mad when he starts going to funny decimal points and its like. nooo babes... ITS LIKE I GET IT- everyone will have their moments of frustration/irritation, and HELL even everyone will have their limits of understanding, but then its also... like idk. a lot of the time some ppl who rlly should, at a point, understand him will then make a comment at him that... just doesnt FIT right. and i think its moreso- HONESTLY, i think its moreso writers trying to get in a funny haha data is an android joke in which despite it just kinda being clunky to the scene and- EH. its annoying i guess. thats just what it is, sometimes.

[the-fandom-fuckup]

A bit more for that modern fantasy au I teased a bit ago

Character designs n stuff are slightly based off the official halloween n fantasy ending arts, plus whatever else I wanted to do, so Kiri is a dragon shifter here, Baku is a werewolf, n Ochako is a witch.

There'll probably be a hint of a/b/o dynamics here for weres n shifters, n the idea of alpha!Kiri n alpha!Baku has stuck to me like glue, so that's a thing here also

There's no real plot for this, just these three being dumb n pining, and everyone around them rolling their eyes n dealing with it lmao

I've thought about jobs n first meetings tho, n came up with this. Kiri's a firefighter (along with Tetsu, who is also a dragon shifter, bc I love him and their bro-bond), bc big fire resistent boy running into fires to help people just makes sense. Also I really like the thought of him in the uniform

Ochako works as a self defense instructor with Gunhead at a small gym in town, probably helping people with magic items n stuff on the side for extra cash or smth, I dunno. She might wanna move into a more magically dominant field one day, but she likes the environment of the gym n the regulars that come in n chat between classes. She's also very good at what she does n has put many assholes in their place after they've scoffed at "the cute little girl you have here".

Baku is a "park ranger", n I use quotations bc that's the only title he could really give himself to have any authority over the land he owns. He gives himself more leeway than what some laws may grant, tho tbh if you're coming into his territory with intent to harm those in it, you're lucky to walk away at all just sayin'

He runs an escape park of sorts for weres n shifters to run around during full moons and other times they need to shed their human skin, personally owned so he can avoid all the bullshit regulations n "safety procedures" found in bigger places that try offering the same thing, but ultimately make the shifting process shittier than it needs to be. And words gets around so it gets super popular super fast, n people of all ages come by

Tbh the thought of a teeny tiny wolf, like 10y/o at most running around Baku n trying to get him to play, nipping at his ankles n calling him the pack alpha is really what settled the debate on whether he should be an alpha or omega. And the added image of Baku rolling his eyes n putting on his toughass act but not really minding it as he gets them moving with a tap on the ass, muttering "Fuckin told ya squirt, I'm not your pack alpha. Now find someone else's ankles to bite at, I'm busy", makes me feel really nice

For some first meetings, tbh Kiribaku probably happens first, n they meet when Kiri n Tetsu accidentally trespass on Baku's territory bc they're new to the area n found a big ass lake to soak in during a flight over town, like dude!! Fuck yea that could fit both of us easy, man I haven't soaked in my big form in forever lets go!

And ofc if the giant shadows overhead hadn't tipped him off the security sensors would've so Baku's like who in the FUCK!! N storms off to confront them bc you don't just come on his land like that. That's how people get fucking hurt you dumb assholes 😤😤

N Kiri n Tetsu are mostly just minding their own business, settling down into the lake like aw yea that's the shit, almost passing out bc they'd just had a long day n the water was so cool n the fish eatting the dead skin n shit off their scales was so relaxing. They don't even realise they'd drifted into a light doze when they hear furious snarling n harsh sniffing coming their way, n barely have enough time to get up before Baku comes tearing shit through the trees

And like. Kiri n Tetsu know that they're big boys. Their full sized dragon forms are huge n there's not much out there that scares them, but nobody likes coming face to face with a snarling werewolf, standing in their territory without any warning that you maybe shouldn't be there

Despite the hostile intro, it doesn't take much for the misunderatanding to be cleared up. There's a lot of apologies from Kiri n Tetsu n a lot of irritated snorts from Baku, but they get straightened out. Baku tells them what kinda show he's running n Kiri inatantly get sparkly eyes like dude!! You do that all by yourself?! That's so manly bro you gotta let us help with that

Baku snorts like you don't have to make empty offers if you wanna use the grounds, I don't refuse people unless they pose an actual threat to the others. You guys aren't dangerous, just stupid. N Kiri goes hey rude, but also it's gotta be a lot dealing with all that on your own. We can at least watch out from above, keep an eye on shit or whatever bc face it man, you may be great but even you can't be in multiple places at once.

And the only reason Baku ends up agreeing is bc they pester him about it until he's well past irritated, n he's figured out the only way to shut them up was concede. They can't be there fulltime anyway consudering their professions, but they're sure to help when they can

Kirichako meet at the gym. Kiri's buying a membership or smth bc you gotta keep the stength up bro! Can't be slacking when you're the difference between someone living n someong dying y'know? Ochako's either in a class or dealing with some hothead, her furrowed brows n puffed cheeks distracting Kiri n reminding him of a chipmunk before bud says smth he can't hear but has Ochako seeing red. It doesn't take long for him to end up on his ass n Kiri's just stuck watching, jaw dropped n heart eyes as Ochako tells the guy he can either fix his attitude or find somewhere else to go

Kiri turns to Tetsu like dude holy shit did you see that?? N Tetsu's like yea bro everyone saw it, n Ochako comes up to them like sorry about that. We have a no harassment policy here that some people overstep, n it sucks that we get people coming in that need it enforced but unfortunately it's pretty common.

Then, bc she's still a bit sour, she looks them both dead in the eyes with a fire raging behind hers like if that's not smth you think you can handle then you might as well save us all the hassle n leave now. N they're both like no way that was great, totally understandable, just tell us where to sign

And while she came off as kinda aggressive during their initial meet, Kiri's quick to find she has just as much sweetness to match her bite. He watches her between sets sometimes n sees how kind n gentle she can be with the younger classes that come in, how she doesn't single out people who struggle n instead moves to help n provide tips without making a huge deal of it

She's also one of the first people to come running when someone gets hurt, he finds out. He'd admittedly been more focused on her sparring with Gunhead than he'd been on the super heavy equipment he was using for his reps, n managed to look over at the perfect time to get flustered n drop it directly on his foot. The resounding crack was loud enough to catch quite a bit of attention, tho he knows the equipment is more likely to be damaged than his foot

Ochako doesn't even hesitate to run over n levitate him to take the pressure off of his not broken foot, going "oh my god are you okay?? Someone clear that bench please, he needs to get off his feet now!" N Kiri does appreciate the concern, as embarassing as it may be, n tries to tell her it's really not a big deal, thanks for the help but honestly--

N she rounds on him like say that one more time n you'll be dealing with a broken nose instead, now sit your ass down n let me handle this!! Kiri can't even reply with anything other than a quiet okay😳😳 bc he's always thought her determination was super admirable, but being this close n seeing it burn in her eyes so intensely is taking it to a whole new level n he has no clue how to handle it

Kacchako meeting is kind of a hybrid mix of the other two combined lmao. Baku owns a pack house where he lives with Deku, then later with Kiri, Tetsu, Mina, Kami, n Sero, but he's so busy with the park that he's hardly ever home. N since Ochako's kinda embarassed about her tiny ass appartment, they usually hang out at the pack house to talk over magic studies or gossip over whatever's happened recently. At this point Baku n Ochako have heard of each other but never been around at the same time

Which causes a problem one day while Ochako's in the kitchen making tea when Baku comes home. He'd had a stressful day warding off poachers or smth, n his rut's just a few days away now, so when he opens the door n is greeted with a slightly unfamiliar scent it sends him into a daze, where he stalks to the kitchen before he even knows that he's moving

Ochako knows tho, can hear the low growls and deliberately quiet steps creeping behind her, setting her on edge bc ohhhh my god, someone just broke into Deku's place holy shit!! And when it gets close enough to barely feel hot breath on the back of her neck she's flinging herself into action, all muscle memory as she gets a few quick jabs into Baku's gut. It knocks the question outta his lungs, getting out a choked "who the--" before her magic kicks in and she's picking him up n slamming him down with his weight returned for maximum momentum, body slamming the following "fUCK!!" out as well before she placed her weight on him to keep him down. She gets right in his face demanding "who are you?! How did you get in here?!"

And when he can breathe again Baku snaps back like "who tf am I?!? I live here!! Who tf are you?!?!" And like, she's still in fight mode so she's looking him over like hmm, so this is Bakugou. Then she realises wtf she's doing n goes oh my god it's Bakugou!! N she's jumping off him and apologising so fast that she's barely saying words, trying to take his hands n help him back up but getting swatted away bc you've done enough touching don't you think??

And yea, Baku's kinda pissed. Being attacked in your own house does that to anyone, let alone a pre-rut alpha. But also, he's kinda impressed, bc he can count on one hand the amount of people who've gotten the drop on him like that, but he'd rather die than admit it out loud. So he just huffs at her with a final "try that shit again n I'll kill you", n stalks off to his room, having more important things to worry about right then than who's fucking around in his kitchen

((His rut decides to be completely unhelpful that time around, his alpha brain locking in on the faint perfume she'd left on his shirt while tossing him around and how perfectly it mixed with his own scent, as well as the shirt he nabbed from Kiri's laundry basket the night before. He rubs the scents of these strong potential mates all over his den, knots his rut aid with his face plastered to the shirts then uses it to scent the shirts even more, drunk off of how well their scents all mix together. He's rightfully embarassed during the end when he can start thinking properly again n throws both shirts to the back of his closet to be forgotten about--as much as his alpha fights him on it--n moves on to his business like normal.

Tho if he tries to be home more often when he knows Ochako's coming around, n spends more time in Kiri's space, nobody's mean enough to comment on it. At least, not at first.))

Man I have many feelings about this, but I'll leave it here for now bc I could go on forever

[dem-cp-hoes]

Sorry to bother you, but can you do some wholesome/cute head canons for the creepypastas please?

You're not bothering at all, no worries😊

Though I think these turned out to be general hc rather than cute but... 🤷‍♀️

---------------------------------------------------

Jeff:

I think it's pretty much canon that Jeff names his knives. Most people would think that he gives them badass names but nah...

His favorite is named Martha, no one else is allowed to touch her

There's also Kule, Austin and Annie, sometimes he talks to them (mostly about Liu)

No, you can't point it out/comment on it, it'll upset him

Smile is his best friend, Ben is jealous

His hair gets curly after a few days, which means he has to straighten it with an iron

He also puts his hair buns, or ponytails around the house (he looks good tbh)

^the reason he always has hair ties as well

He's either dead asleep or hasn't slept for 4 days straight, there's no in-between

Not a total asshole all the time, surprisingly

He doesn't make mean comments about things that hit too close to home

Like, sure he's gonna tease Toby for his ticks but he's never gonna mention his sister

He makes up his own curse words

He puts on chapstick, but no one knows

Everyone knows, they've seen him, Ben has a video

He talks during movies, questioning the logic and making comments about characters' decisions, nobody minds bc it's hilarious since everything he says is on point

He drinks the sweetest coffee with milk and 3 spoonfuls of sugar at least

Loves romantic movies, but he has a reputation

Has a small cactus in his room, it was a gift from Ben, he takes good care of it

Ben:

He has freckles!!! He has freckles everywhere!!! (sorry I got excited, I just love freckles) but bc of the whole dead/demon thing, you have to get close to him of you want to see them

Owns a lot of fandom themed hoodies and t-shirts

He can mimic a lot of cartoons' voices, including the jigglypuff song, it's quite impressive

He's very proud of it

Ben is a genius, since he's mostly attached to a computer he has access to anything the internet has to offer, so lots of knowledge

Sometimes he can answer like Alexa/Siri does if someone calls his name and asks something

The others think he can't control it and ask him things all the time

He absolutely can control it and only does it to fuck with them by giving them bullshit answers that sound legit

He collects action figures, what a dork

Has a hamster, his name is Picachu

He gets teased a lot over it, let him live pls

The others secretly love it tho

Loves to watch people argue through their cameras

He lives for the drama

"Ben what are u doing?" "I'm watching this couple in New Jersey, apparently Sharon cheated on Nick again, but this time with his sister!!!"

When he giggles/gets embarrassed his ears become bright red

Sits on the floor, sits on tables, sits on Jane, Slender is convinced he doesn't know what a chair is

Jack:

Any perfume with a very heavy scent makes him sneeze a lot

He refuses to believe he is hurt/sick

Jack, while being held down by all the proxies: Guys, I told you I'm fINE, I CAN WORK TODAY, JUST LET ME GO!!

He has a lot of animal mannerisms

Like licking someone he likes on the cheek, purring/growling, sniffing etc

Bruh, you scratch behind his ears or under his chin and his whole chest vibrates with purring

He tilts his head on the side when he's confused, like a dog

Loves scented candles, he has a bunch of them in his room

His favorite scent is lavender

He can in fact eat human food, it just can't sustain him all that well and anything that is not overly seasoned tastes bland

With that being said, he loves spicy food bc he can taste it properly

Jane screamed when she saw him eat an entire plate of ghost peppers with no milk

The jingle of keys makes his head turn sharply towards the sound, once again like a dog

He can fall asleep anywhere, and I mean anywhere

The porch? More than once

In another's room? Of course

In slender's office? That was quite an interesting thing to explain

In the middle of the kitchen? Yeah, once

He's just a sleepy boi

Jack is the one who knows everyone's ticklish spots bc gives check ups

Likes listening to audio books on his free time

Masky:

He drinks Irish coffee (for those of you who don't know, it has alcohol in it)

Once Masky called Slender dad (sleep deprived) and then proceeded to slam his head down on the table and say a bad word

Sally once made him a flower crown for his birthday

He refused to take it off for 5 hours!!

Won't sleep with less than 2 pillows

He considers his one True near death experience to be when he almost choked on one of Jane's fake eyelashes (long story)

He has mastered the 'disapproving face' game', even when he wears the mask, you can feel it's there

He's around Toby, what did you expect?

Doesn't trust giraffes ("why are they so fucking long????")

He has a very contagious laugh when he really laughs, even when he just grins

Can give the best hugs, hands down

Like you feel so warm and protected when he hugs you

And it doesn't help the fact that he smells like the forest after a rainy day.... (now I want a hug)

Hoodie:

He has dirt on everyone

Mainly bc he's quiet and reliable so people tell him stuff

Has Masky saved in his phone as 'Bae' and when people see it they ask, "Is he your boyfriend?"

And he replies with, "Nah, it stands for Biggest Asshole Ever"

Drinks tea by the gallon

Reigning champion of "How many objects can we put on Jeff while he sleeps"

Hoodie has those "hoe don't do it" moments pretty much every day

Jeff trying to start shit, Ben is planning a prank on someone, someone insulted Slender. Every time

Award winning smile

His hair is the softest thing ever I swear-

Will make tea for anyone he sees that's having a rough day

He likes to sketch people, he's actually pretty good

He likes to read books to calm down

If someone wants to he will read out loud to them

Toby:

Don't give him energy drinks

It won't make him hyper, oh no, but it will make him do dumb shit

Once, Helen made the mistake of handing him a red bull, and let's just say he was found playing a mix between 'the floor is lava' and 'don't let the balloon touch the floor'

It was intense

President of Protect the Bees and very proud of it

Will follow through with literally any dare, he takes impulsivity to new levels

Will let Sally do his hair and dress him up to play princess

That friend who sends you fucking memes at 3am just to be a prick

It's easy to get him flustered, especially if someone flirts with him

He is obsessed with sour sweets, not even he knows why

There's no such thing as personal space, he's comfortable around everyone

Gets excited when he sees a cartoon on tv from when he was a kid

Places the stickers Sally gives him on the headboard of his bed

He knows how to say, "can I pet your dog?" in 4 languages

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

[heeres-suffering]

Be More Alluring: a Personality Swap AU

[pic description and source will be at the bottom of this post, under the read more]

Start of summary:

“You need to be more alluring.”

"... don’t you mean attractive?”

“I do not. Your attractiveness is adequate, Brooke; if you want to mask your apparently latent queerness, you have to make them want you straight. Isn’t that why your step-father defended you?” 

Brooke Lohst is a loser.

But you know what? That was okay.

She always knew she was a weird one. The intensity of her affection for puppies, picture books, and near-constant daydreaming has lasted well-past a normalcy she can’t seem to grasp; when coupled with her inability to befriend anyone (besides the similarly self-identified loser Michael Mell), it’s not a surprise the rest of her peers have left her behind.

However, there were... ah, worse things in her life to worry about then some mild bullying. She liked her passion well enough, and all of her true insecurities went largely unnoticed, so any insults or weird looks rarely lingered in her mind. It’s not like she was a constant target either, which helped a lot. All in all, she just planned to hunker down, wait out the awkwardness of High School like everyone else, and move on to the rest of her life... 

Except.

When Brooke develops a crush on a girl she’s never talked to, after years of avoiding fairy tale romance and trying not to think about the inevitability of marriage (or how finicky her attraction to boys is in the first place), it feels like her whole world is about to cave in. She’d do anything to make sure her parents, especially daddy, never find out... including buying an edible super computer from the loudest, tiniest guy in school.

End of summary.

Alright!

Hi, hello, it’s Mod Seb, and here’s an AU I’ve been rolling around for a few days! You are free to do with this concept whatever you want, but I wanted to introduce it with a good chunk of the info I’ve already worked out in my head.

So. As the CWs are... too numerous, I’m going to go with a blanket “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” label and encourage you not to read the rest of this if you have any big darkfic triggers that could be upset by mere mention; this isn’t a fic tho, so descriptions of anything awful won’t last long. 

Although, I will mention upfront that Brooke isn’t a binary lesbian. I know the description might read like I’m setting her up to be 100% homosexual; she’s bi with a strong preference for girls, and anyone who presents soft enough in gender or appearance. If it wasn’t for the end-game pairings, her unfamiliarity with smaller details/history of the LGBTQ+ community, and general “gay newb” status, she’d likely ID as a bi lesbian!

(ships and everything else under the Read More)

Okay. That out of the way, there’s quite a number of pairings; I’m pretty sure it’s a super polyamorous and sexual AU, though you’re free to change this list as much as you’d like:

[bolded are end-game ships. italics physically hook up at least once. strike-through means they were in a relationship but break-up in some way before the ending. (H) stands for healthy, while (T) is toxic and/or noncon. underlined characters are pining for the other and may never confess their true feelings]

Brooke/Christine (H), Brooke/Rich (H), Brooke/Jenna (H), Brooke/Michael (H), Brooke/Chloe (T), Brooke/her Daddy (T), Brooke/Squip (H), Brooke/Jeremy (soft T at first bc of mirrored canon-compliant manipulation, H later on), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy (H), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy/Rich (H), Rich/Moses (H), [insert every form of Rich/Mo/Squip/Jeremy here] (H), Jeremy/Chloe (T), Jeremy/Michael (H), Michael/Christine (H), Michael/Christine/Mr. Heere (H; no, seriously), Madeline/Brooke (H)

This is, of course, a role swap AU where Brooke and Jeremy trade places based on my personal lore for their home lives. I always have some pretty fucked ideas as I don’t imagine MB is a great place with great adults, and I pick and choose which parts of canons I use and which I don’t. 

There is no definite ending planned in mind as this isn’t an outline; it’s meta (or an imagine or w/e) for an AU that you’re free to do whatever with. 

So,

The big difference is that Brooke was picked by Michael, while Jeremy was picked by Chloe. Jeremy is trans and hadn’t come out yet; if Chloe had known he was a boy, she wouldn’t have grabbed him. In contrast, Michael’s never gave a shit about potential friends genders.

Jer and B’s personalities... are altered some. Not ALL the way, but kiiinda fusing into their roles, kinda tweaked (I'll get back to that).

The main point of this for me was Brooke/Squip/Jeremy, with B/Jer having a MUCH stronger focus than in canon, and a really bad Chloe acting as one of the major villains.

Michael gets roped into Chloe’s shit, even tho he's still generally a good guy here, bc he's worried about B and thinks she can't properly take care of herself.

While B DOES have a strong crush on Christine, she’s the opposite of the Squip’s “goal”; that’s (obvs) masking, or making passably digestible, her queerness.

Her Mom and step-’Daddy’ have reacted to her friendship w/ ‘openly gay moms, also very flamboyant and GNC’ Michael... poorly.

Michael thinks the solution has to be “act as aggressively yourself as you can, and if they reject you, you know me and the mom’s have a space for you”. This works for him bc he’s permanently hyper-visible, what with all of his own marginalized identities. But, not only has she flied under the radar in comparison to him for years, he doesn’t know everything about her life.

In fact, he doesn’t know most of it. She’s very good at hiding things.

Meanwhile, Jeremy, one of the more popular ‘boy... ish’ (we’ll get to this, too) people in school, is mid-psychosis and self-destruction. He actually has schizo-affective disorder--as is the case with all of my versions of Jeremy--which he needs medication for. Combined that with so many bad influences and trauma, he can no longer fully control himself or his life.

The way he handles this (badly) is to ‘whore around’--which, besides being Chloe’s pet, is kinda why he’s so popular. Nobody respects him, but he’s viewed some form of favorably.

Jeremy is in a relationship with Rich, but he won't let him get as close/protective as Rich wants; Mo and Rich were doing their own man-whoring (but healthy, just droppin’ panties and making dudes and chicks swoon--yeah, Rich is out as bisexual, this is a very ‘the Squips are a good thing’ AU) to gain their standard reputation, but in the course of that, they got together with Jeremy and it became... complicated. Both of them are very "nnn" about how bad his life is for Jer.

The way that their personalities are altered is... okay. To explain this, I have to talk about my characterization of canon-Brooke and Jeremy in relation to this, starting with Brooke:

I imagine B as just a liiittle below the line of "all the way there" for sorta-similar reasons to Jeremy here: trauma, and Chloe (which is why that’s what Jeremy gets in this, it’s just WAY worse when compounded by everything else). She’s also--like me, and like almost every character I write as a result--autistic, in a near-permanent state of “not enough accommodations” and over-stimulation. This leads to a lot of dissociation and a very wandering mind, as well as being perceived as a bimbo or dumb blonde or w/e misogynistic bullshit is projected onto her by the boys she dates (she’s also much more down the middle bi outside this AU).

So, going back to how she is for this AU: she's actually not super nerdy, despite the close connection she and Michael have. Honestly, it’s their general neurodivergent weirdness that bring them together, and so she’s mostly adopted her nerdy interests through him, whether directly a thing he likes, or finding a whimsical variant that fits her tastes.

Obviously, unlike Jeremy, she doesn’t mind being called a loser. She does any insinuation she might be queer. This including anyone who calls her gay or a dyke.

She has too much Cis Male Trauma (unlike canon, where it comes from both cis angles) to really entertain the idea of a Traditionally Male Partner. This means she skews HEAVILY towards hard GNC guys at the very least, and generally finds herself most interested in the idea of enbies and women. she's also not super into butches tho, bc her trauma mixing with her sexuality has latched on to Strong Masc People Are A Threat. 

An expansion on her interests, in canon and otherwise: animals, ASMR/sensual service work (including massages and stuff), spending hours just sorta sitting by herself and letting her imagination wander, fairy tales, and YA-and-under fantasy books.

(Here, she tries to avoid het or f/f romance... except that, this past year or two, she’s started really like m/m stuff--esp after getting REALLY into drag shows, which she could enjoy safely since girls like Chloe have gotten into them too; in canon, she’s a romance fanatic)

Now... this is one of the really darkfic element; she's fucking her step-dad. 

She does this so that he doesn't walk out on her, her mom, and her little sister*. Her mom has a good-enough job as a standard office woman, but he makes enough to pay the rent on their nice townhouse and all the bills she can’t. So, after he expressed interest in Brooke and then casually mentioned he could always just leave if she wasn’t comfortable, she reluctantly entered a relationship with him

(* = her sister is currently know as her brother; he’s like 12 or 13, and started showing signs of trans/queerness which have been Heavily Discouraged. Brooke worries about him a lot)

((I didn’t use she/her pronouns bc I’m not entirely sure he would change them? This is an OC Oli created at the beginning of our interest in BMC, and we haven’t worked on him at all since, so how his characterization will be is up in the air))

Canonically, Brooke's "in love" with her daddy, which is a self-imposed delusion; if she actually addressed it, she’d says she’s well aware that’s not true, but it's so much easier to pretend when you’re cornered like that. Brooke’s life blows.

She’s a lot more honest to herself about hating him here; still, she tries to be as polite and generally-friendly as she can, doing what he says whenever he wants.

OKAY, THAT’S BROOKE. If any of that is badly described or potentially-offensive, it’s just bc I glossed over SO MUCH DETAIL, even in that amount of it!

So. Jeremy.

I don’t have to go over him much and we’re all mostly aware of how I feel about him and also I don’t have the energy to do this again--

(just... read my fics The Devil at your Door or hello yesterday or something... eyyy actually do that, my ao3 username is Sedusa, blah blah blah ANYWAY)

--but basically: He's still very nerdy, like, he’s super into film as well as video games (which is another constant for me), but after being largely ignored in elementary, he's been trailing behind Chloe at her orders since they were in 6th grade. As a result he isn't very open about... any of his interests.

In 7th grade, he came out as trans to everyone. Chloe was furious, but at the same time, intrigued; this was around the time Chloe gets her own... ah shit I gotta go into that too--

--yet another hc of mine is that Chloe gets a Squip on accident around this time at a party (there was one in a “”candy bowl””), and from there, she claws her way up the ladder. I... will not go into that much, but her Squip was crippled by the drugs and alcohol in her system, and therefore largely at her mercy. She’s used his power to manipulate certain things about herself and to sharpen her focus on popularity to the point she’s full-blown Alpha Bitch.

Man, I’ve had to go on so many tangents, I apologize.

Anyway, she drags Jeremy around as a punching bag. She constantly mocks Jeremy's transness, even though she usually calls him by his correct name and pronouns.

This has made the rest of the school follow her lead, hence why I said “boy-ish”; he’s popular, he’s technically ‘well liked’, but nobody really takes him seriously. This is compounded by Chloe’s refusal to let him dress in 'dorky' casual clothes, and, as he’s both too poor to afford designer clothes and also generally hates popular guy fashion, he has to wear the hyper femme clothing Chloe specifically tells him too/

As such, people call him a boy but largely see him as either an idiot, a slut, an attention seeker, or all of the above.

So of course, in Brooke's place, his neurodivergence is more prominent than ever; every day he slips further into this psychosis and self-infantilization haze, as his his mom leaving, his dad severely depressed, Chloe's sexual violence, and other repressed trauma (see: my fic hello yesterday on ao3) all weighing on him. This makes him INCREDIBLY regressed, like, all the time by Junior year.

And then Brooke's Squip (IE: canon Squip) falls in love with Jeremy extremely fucking hard. He pushes her to date him as a way to compromise on her queer desires, since Jeremy is technically a boy, and certainly a few other straight-ish girls have hooked up with him in the past.

WHEW. That is a fucking lot. To wrap this up, lemme go over the interpersonal relationships not already mentioned, and what directions I think it takes.

First off, Madeline has a more prominent role, as I quite like her tbh; she’s a sex worker, she has her own Squip, she’s one of Chloe’s most hated enemies, and she gravitates towards both Brooke and Jeremy. She’s also Actually French, Chloe’s just weird.

(Anyway she prolly sees through Brooke’s straight act and asks her why she’s pretending to be a good little cishet. It rattles Brooke.)

Chloe is scum. This bears repeating. She DEFINITELY rapes Brooke at the Halloween party, and becomes obsessed with her, along with already being obsessed with Jeremy and Jake. 

Jake, by the way, has a lot of regressive behavior and impulsiveness bc he’s been in an abusive relationship off and on with Chloe for years now.

Speaking of Jake, moving on to his best bro: Rich doesn’t set himself on fire. He’s having a good time with his Squip.

But.

He IS set on fire at the Halloween party.

Instead of the Smartphone Hour being about Rich's instability, it's actually about the mystery of Someone Did It To Him But No One Saw Who It Was, They Were Disguised.

The answer relates to the fact that Rich and Brooke are ALSO hooking up, after she’s already with Jeremy, bc he Properly introduces her to him and the three of them hit it off really well.

(She initially wasn’t interested, but while Rich is loud and still kinda abrasive, his Squip doesn’t drive him to act like a bully--and in private, his nerdiness is really obvious and he’s extremely gentle with her and Jeremy. Add to that that he’s bi and trans*, when Brooke connects best w/ queer men over cishet one, and it off-sets his masc-ness enough to make him an Exception.

* = I always imagine him as trans. See: all of Vanceypants fics.)

Sooo... the culprit is actually Brooke's daddy, who sees her with this obvious heartthrob and Cannot let that be.

Chloe convinces Michael that the Squips are Very Very Bad and has him team up with her to force Brooke into drinking Red, with the intention to convince him to kill himself after to get him out of the way, bc she’s really going nuts at this point.

Eventually, he snaps out of it when he and Christine get together (he’s thought he was Full Homo all of his life, but Christine’s prolly genderqueer-ness makes him realize “oh shit, I’m bisexual”) and she starts to question why he’s acting the way he is towards Christine.

He also definitely has a crush on Jeremy and during his time with Chloe he kinda tried to flirt a little but couldn’t really... he’s not up for dating someone as sexually active and a push-over as Jeremy is in this.

However, when he snaps out of Chloe’s manipulation, he and Christine approach Mr. Heere to convince him to straighten up and help Jeremy and also bc they really need an adult to successfully fight Chloe.

This requires a month+ of Christine getting him to see her psychiatrist (the one who prescribes her ADHD meds). Jeremy spends the majority of his time staying with Chloe, and very rarely comes home to gather things or to make sure his dad is eating/still alive, as much as he can remember to in his own haze of mental illness. Anyway, point is, he doesn’t know Christine and Michael are there often... not that, in the course of growing close to Mr. H, they both fall for him hard and it becomes one of my stranger OT3s.

(God, Jeremy goes through a lot of shit in this, tho.)

Pre-Squip, Jenna was kinda-sorta Brooke’s friend--or, well, friendly. However, she’s actually full blown “oh my God she’s wonderful” in love with Brooke.

Brooke isn't aware of that, esp since Jenna tries her not to be around her a lot. She's also trying to hide her own queerness, bc she’s a trans woman and she knows Chloe finding that out would be extremely dangerous.

Eventually, Chloe succeeds in making Brooke take the Red months after canon usually ends, w/o Michael’s help. If you’re curious, Red doesn’t affect her normal Squip bc she’s had him too long and a lot of his receptors and stuff are damaged, so it’s the second one she gets in canon that turns off.

This plan backfires, however, as Brooke’s Squip comes back with a physical body w/ help from Rich and also-bodied-now Moses.

With a body, and shenanigans, Mo and Squip take out Brooke’s daddy too. His life insurance more than makes up for the loss of his income, as it’s a sizable amount. Now that Brooke feels more empowered and strong, she overrides her mother’s neglectfulness and takes control of the household w/ her boyfriends*, comes out as queer, helps her sister transition, and begin to heal from all of this trauma.

(* = Rich and Mo move in, as does Jeremy eventually, after graduation; Jeremy gets a psychiatrist and a therapist and prolly has to go through some intense outpatient care and possibly a stay in the hospital, before finally making major breakthroughs and looking like himself again. The five of them are now happy and in love.)

Chloe, after her arm gets twisted by the Squip’s protective presence so thoroughly, gives up on Jeremy and Brooke to focus on Jake. This too gets abandoned when Rich and Mo help him cut her off, and so she stays in her own popularity bubble, bitter, until graduating and going to a community college in a different state.

All in all, things work out well in the end, but getting there is a long, difficult process. This AU fascinates me immensely and feels like a great way to examine some of my really dark headcanons about MB, as I think it’s a town similar to Derry in Stephen King’s IT--as in, just chronically The Worst Place Ever, with this, like, miasma of low-key despair around it. People adjust and don’t question it, which is why so much of BMC is this flippant dark humor in the face of some highly questionable shit.

I’m so sorry this post is so long (I’ll be uploading it to AU under my usual Sedusa account, as metas like this are more than allowed), but I really adore these characters and the way they can be twisted around, so I had a lot to say!

Thank you for reading <3

-mod Seb

image description: virtual-like stairs pointed forward and bathed in neon yellow and blue to represent Brook and Jeremy, which I’ve modified from the original blue-only design.

source: x (link description: a free Wallpaper Flare image that I found off Google Image’s “filtered by ‘labeled and reuse with modification” feature) 

[aximili]

X, Q, E

oooo i didn’t think i had any ocs starting with x but i remembered one from ages ago actually..... i had a story called After Life abt a kid trying to redeem his soul after he gets sent to hell, it was a bit all over the place tho and i scrapped it. although recently saw there’s a netflix show of the same name w ricky gervais and still managed to be annoyed

Full Name: Xanthe (if she had a surname it’s gone from my memory omg)

Nicknames, If Any: Xan

Hogwarts House: slytherin

Gender: female

Sexuality: bi

A Song I Associate With Them: hmmmm.... That Man by caro emerald

3 Important Relationships: WELL i only remember 2 other characters she knew, tbh this world was never well-developed

-ransom, he’s her very officious & stuffy angel rival who she ends up having a weird hate-fling with

-there was the main kid whose guardian demon she is (oh yea she’s like a guardian angel but the opposite. encourages u to be bad.) but for the life of me i don’t remember his name lol. once i had developed RanXan as concepts i got distracted by their s*xy little rivalry. yes it’s all terminally het, i was like 14

2 Fears: she’s been (well, not alive, but around) for a long time so she’snot scared of much. she’s a very cocky person and embraces being the bad influence, especially to annoy ransom, bc on the surface she’s like, well this whole heaven/hell divide is bullshit, people aren’t just one thing. but i think deep down she’s afraid of the idea that she really is bad. and afraid of what happens once she fades into irrelevance in hell and stops getting assignments but still has to carry on existing

1 Element of their backstory: i think she was alive way back in Biblical Times - obv she wasn’t called xanthe then but chose her own name. she was a serial liar and said that god was talking to her in order to get things she wanted. but she died young, like everyone did

Q - oo i DO have one Q oc! he’s from adrift, my pirate novel that i will one day finish

Full Name: Queryn Smousk

Nicknames, If Any: idk if anyone calls him a nickname. they mostly just don’t refer to him. 

Hogwarts House: hufflepuff

Gender: male ? hm

Sexuality: gay

A Song I Associate With Them:  bottom of the river by delta rae

3 Important Relationships:

-rictor avis: queryn is a generic sailor on the pirate ship, rictor is the surgeon/carpenter for the crew, he’s a huge tall crow man, and is equally or perhaps more creepy than queryn. they hang around together and give everyone weird vibes. rictor is mute & queryn isn’t, but he says very little out of choice (he doesn’t speak the main language, idk common or whatever, very well) but they like to sit in the crows nest together in silence most hours of the day when theyre not working. everyone even their crewmates thinks they might be up to some weird shit. their dark secret? theyre just a cute couple.... they just like to hang out. they bonded with quiet, intense looks when queryn was first rescued dying in the swamp and brought on board and rictor mended his wounds. it was tender. absolutely nobody else knows theyre a couple even tho they don’t keep it a secret. theyre just chill

-garran korrash: garran is the bosun and is a literal/figurative grizzly old bear, and as well as being queryn’s manager he’s one of the only people who he’s really chill with. garran was the one who insisted they stop n help him out, and queryn’s been grateful ever since. he doesn’t say it bc he hardly says anything, but he shows it in hard work

-sonya perlace: like almost all of her crew, queryn would die for captain sonya. he comes from a pretty harsh society where the strong survive, and even tho he never quite fit in there, he really respects sonya’s strength & leadership.

2 Fears: even tho he’s a pirate his biggest fear is drowning since he nearly drowned before. he has a lot of nightmares about it. he’s also creeped out by elliot. cause what the fuck even IS that?

1 Element of their backstory: p much the only backstory he has is that he was part of this society of amphibian/lizard people in the deep swampy area of the continent that’s cut off from the rest. he was out hunting but got badly gored by a huge aninal (idk what, like a Bigger Lizard.. theres always a bigger lizard) and couldnt make it home. he started sinking into the bog but couldn’t pull himself free, then the area began to flood with torrential rainwater and he cried for help. luckily sonya & garran happened to be trekkin through the jungle and heard him

E - has to be elliot, the little bastard supreme. i played him as a dnd character with an altered backstory but i’ll use the adrift version

Full Name: elliot (no known surname)

Nicknames, If Any: nope

Hogwarts House: slytherin

Gender: male

Sexuality: probably bi? he only a teen though and being surrounded by furries hasn’t had much chance to develop any feelings on the matter

A Song I Associate With Them:  mariner’s revenge song by the decemberists

3 Important Relationships:

lol 2 of the 3 are fully hatred relationships because this young man has iiiiisssuuuuuues

-sonya perlace: he acts the begrudging deckhand who’s resigned himself to his life, but he is 100% devoted to eventually killing her. she killed his mama and he has been waiting for his moment ever since, he’s even had opportunities to leave the crew but has stayed so he can keep close to her. it’s fully like, would have a picture of her with daggers & darts in it, if he had such resources

-niphea perlace: niph is the captain’s daughter, the first mate, and the reason elliot’s still alive - she persuaded sonya not to throw him off the ship along with his mum. he has understandably mixed feelings abt this, and he rarely shows it, but she’s always been an advocate for him and treated him fairly so he does like niph more than anyone, despite himself. also she’s his closest in age on a ship full of adults. he.... tries not to think abt the fact he plans on killing her mother in return cause that’s a bit awkward isnt it

-aidan moss: quartermaster aidan doesn’t like things he doesn’t understand, and he doesn’t understand what elliot is, so he goes out of his way to be awful to him, tending to delegate his own jobs to elliot at every chance he can get & generally insulting him. elliot tolerates it bc he has to. but make no mistake this dude is no2 on the kill list

2 Fears: i don’t think he has a lot of fears because he’s already been through some of the worst things imaginable. i don’t even think he precisely fears drowning/dying at sea, because he’s been focused on the image of how his mother died for so long, & imagining doing the same to sonya, that it kinda no longer affects him?  but he also saw his dad die over a long period from wound infection and i think that must have made a traumatic impression on him, so i imagine he’s probably at least repulsed by decay/rot

1 Element of their backstory: so elliot is the only human character in a world of animals basically... i mean this is major novel spoilers but when tf am i ever gonna finish that.  he comes from a very remote island of remaining humans, descendants of the few who survived nuclear disaster a long time ago. when he was small he and his parents were exiled from the island for breaking its rules (yea, as tends to happen w small isolated communities, things got over the top cult-y) and sent out in a tiny boat to fend for themselves. his dad died slowly while they drifted in the ocean, and he and his mum were near death when they were picked up by sonya’s crew, who were like what the fuck are those??? they kept them in the hold to discuss what to do w them, but elliot’s mum, thalia, tried to break free, attacking niph when she came with food. as punishment sonya made her walk the plank, and that’s where it all went wrong yknow. woops this isn’t 1 element is it. oh well 

[nnegan13]

anon with basorexia and mamihlapinatapei, here is the mamihlapinatapei drabble lmao its 2k words drabble whom? for you! ao3 here and it will also be under the cut! 

put it in the 3.01 canon divergence AU bc I felt it fit better in that universe than in canon, I hope you don’t mind and I hope you all realize that I apparently have no control over what I will and won’t come back to lmao 

anywho 

WEDNESDAY 

17 APRIL  20:14  VERANDA, SAVA’S APARTMENT  20:14, Silvia to Le Matte  [screenshot] Edoardo’s this weekend?  20:14, Federica to Le Matte  🤠  20:14, Eva to Le Matte  🥂🥂 20:14, Sana to Le Matte  💯 👅  20:15, Eva to Le Matte  Wait  Isn’t he still gonna be in the hospital  20:15, Silvia to Le Matte  Chicco said he would be fine by Saturday  I’ll ask tho  20:16, Eleonora to Le Matte  Sure  20:24, message to Edoardo Incanti  20:24, message from Edoardo Incanti  Yes  Are you coming?  20:24, message to Edoardo Incanti  Unfortunately  But if you’re trying to kill yourself, I don’t want  to be there as an accomplice  20:24, message from Edoardo Incanti  I’m not trying to kill myself  20:25, message to Edoardo Incanti Throwing a rager right after you were in a fight  so bad you wound up in the hospital?  Sure, not trying to kill yourself at all 20:25, message from Edoardo Incanti  Are you worried or something?  20:25, message to Edoardo Incanti No  20:25, message from Edoardo Incanti Bullshit Today goes down in the history books as the day  Eleonora Sava admits she’s worried about me  20:25, message to Edoardo Incanti  Fuck off  20:25, message from Edoardo Incanti  It’s gonna be chill this weekend, I promise  Swear on my life  If it’s not, you can send me straight back to the  hospital  20:25, message to Edoardo Incanti  Having a hard time believing you  20:26, message from Edoardo Incanti  Just say you’ll come? 

She’s never known Edoardo Incanti to shy away from a party, so when Silvia texts in the group chat that they’re invited to Edoardo’s this weekend, Eleonora’s not even a little surprised. 

Ele? 

For a moment, Eleonora stares at her screen and considers the question. Does she want to go? Does she want to find herself in Edoardo’s house for a countless time over, does she want to watch him stumble around drunk with his friends egging him into stupid decision after stupid decision, does she want to sit there worrying over him and then worrying over whether or not Silvia will catch her worrying? Does she want to sink into the cushions of his couch until everyone has disappeared and pull him on top of her—push him over, rather—and do all sorts of things to him that are most definitely not allowed given that he was beat to a pulp and should be resting instead of doing something like throwing a party? 

Honestly, yes, and Eleonora wishes she isn’t such a masochist. 

When are we going? 

Ignoring her phone as it starts buzzing again, she shifts her eyes back to the screen of her laptop, her next radio episode laid out in its little boxes, planned to the last second, and taps her fingertips on top of her keyboard, trying to get words to come out of her brain. Nothing comes for several long minutes, she types ffffff a hundred times over, probably, in the box where she should be writing about the next clothing drive, and slumps back in her chair. The apartment is quiet, Filippo gone with Dario somewhere depraved, she’s sure, and there’s nothing to distract her from the idea of Edoardo and his party. 

She pulls her phone off the table and swipes away from Le Matte into the rest of her messages, annoyed that somehow she let her thread with Edoardo become her fourth most recent message string rather than the last, and sends the text without thinking. 

Are you really throwing a party this weekend? 

Eleonora stares, hard, at her phone until the two little checkmarks show up, and beats down the anticipation in her stomach. 

You can find out then 

Today goes down in the history books as the day Eleonora Sava admits she’s worried about me. It’s more true than she wants to admit, levels upon levels of more true than Edoardo must think, but she’s got the promise of I’m interested in you, and once we’re done, we’re done, and him doing almost anything and everything she’s ever asked of him, so there’s more than enough half-admittances of feelings to stew between the two of them. 

Swiping out of her messages and into her photos, Eleonora pulls up the ones from Fiumincino last Wednesday when Edoardo showed up at her building, Thai food, cookies, and car in hand, and drove her out to the beach after she told him her assignments were pushing her to the brink. They drank sanpellegrinos and chai he made himself and ate sweet yellow curry until she thought she was going to burst, and it was warm enough that this time, when they sat on the dock watching the sun set, that she pulled off her boots and rolled up her jeans and swung her feet over the edge to trace through the water. 

She looks at the pictures of him, face bruise free for the first time since March, grinning out at the water and hair wild, some pictures with his coat pulled up to his chin and other’s where he’s stripped to just his white t-shirt, turned into the wind and laughing. It’s an afternoon she keeps tucked away in her heart, one that she hasn’t told anyone about, not Eva, not Filippo and most definitely not Silvia, no matter how well their talk went over. 

So, he’s not a good guy because he’s using me to get to someone else? Yes. 

And that someone else is you? Yes. 

Did it work? 

Eleonora sets aside her phone and pulls her laptop back in front of her. 

—

SATURDAY  20 APRIL  21:41  BACK PORCH, EDOARDO’S HOUSE 

True to his word, the party is the most mellow event she thinks she’s ever seen Edoardo at. No DJ, just a low rumble of R&B in the background, some people are dancing but it’s mostly couples grinding and making out in the middle of the living room, no large collection of hard liquor, just several tubs full of ice and beer bottles—unless Edoardo points out where the fancy stuff for mixing and cocktails is, like he has to Eva—and most people are just chilling, talking, playing quiet but joyful games of pool and sprawling on the sofas inside and out. And, for once, his house doesn’t feel like it’s overflowing with bodies. 

The exclusive invite actually seems exclusive, tonight. 

Eva leaves Eleonora on the porch to sneak back inside to the liquor cabinet and make herself something that will leave her liver wrecked, and Eleonora can’t find it in herself to follow after her, make sure she really doesn’t hurt herself. She leans into the cushion of the sofa Eva abandoned her on, pulling out her phone to text Sana or Silvia or Federica to keep an eye out when Edoardo makes his way out of the house and onto the porch. 

She spots him, a shy smile blooming on his bruised face as he starts meandering across the porch to where she sits, and she represses the urge to look around, make sure no one will see them together. Silvia knows they’re friendly—what a terrible, magnificent concept, being friends with Edoardo Incanti—and friends can talk to one another, right? 

He drops onto the cushion next to her, leaving barely any room between them, and gives her a smile as he turns to the side, bending his knee and tucking his foot under his other leg. “Believe me now?” 

She’s leaning sideways into the couch, one arm propped up on the back cushion and her face leaned into her fist. Of its own volition, her hand drifts from its position of holding up her head to play with the curls on the back of his. She winds her fingers through them without thinking, the backyard and the porch are all but empty now that the sun’s gone down, and seeing his face as bad as it is—those Giocchi Square guys do not fuck around—makes her chest smart. It’s just them, she can give herself this little tiny thing, playing with his hair, to help her feel better. He smiles a little wider as she tugs on one, tilting her head to the side and studying him. “Maybe.” 

“What? Still think this thing will go sideways?” 

“Anything’s possible,” she says, shrugging, catching the way he winces as he bites his split lip, the consequences of his hubris—fake or real, she still isn’t quite sure—effective his habits. Her eyes are drawn to his mouth, split in the corner but the rest of his lips still pink and smooth. The hand in his hair drifts again, this time tracing one finger down his face, passing lightly over the bruise on his jaw, the one below the corner of his mouth, the split in his lip, and his eyes dart over her face. 

Once her finger brushes over to his cheek, the purpling skin around his eye, the butterfly bandage above his eyebrow, he speaks, his voice is a low rumble that slips into her body, down her spine, and pools in her stomach. “Anything?” 

They’re not talking about the party, anymore. Her lips part as she thinks, finger nail drawing a half circle over and over to the side of his eye, and she watches his expression shift. Want—want stays ever present—but behind it is uncertainty, confusion, hurt, pleasure, resignation, all overshadowed and hidden, almost, by the black and blue and purple splotches on his skin,. Somehow the evidence of his beating brings them to the forefront even as it acts as a mask. 

Eleonora brushes her thumb over the split in his lip again, and then lets it move farther until she’s felt the entire, soft surface of his mouth against her skin. His mouth he uses to eat and kiss and speak and compliment her and argue with her and tease her and say, in not so many words, that he’s a little in love with her. 

Her heart breaks because she’s a little in love with him back. 

It’s highlighted in his eyes, the way his pupils dilate, how they flick, sometimes, down to her mouth like he’s thinking about kissing her, but always, always focused hers when she’s talking to him, telling him something important, and now, in the soft light of his porch, the black melts into the dark brown of his irises until she can see her reflection in his eyes. 

Can he see his in hers? 

With her thumb resting on his mouth, her fingers gentle against his face, Edoardo shifts toward her until his knee presses into her leg, his hand slips over her knee, the corners of his eyes squint with the echo of a smile, and his lip quivers under her touch like it wants to follow suit. He leans—

Mind flooding with the little, tiny, hopeful smile Silvia gave her when she said she wasn’t going to do anything with Edoardo, Eleonora’s blood cools. “We shouldn’t.”

Even so, she doesn’t pull her hand from his face, but lets it slip down to curl around the corner of his jaw, barely around the back of his neck, so her thumb rests against his pulse point. He swallows and she can feel the muscles in his throat move underneath his skin. 

“Why?” He murmurs, watching her carefully, his thumb ghosting over her tight-clad knee, large palm warm against her skin even through her clothes, and her mind has returned from whatever place it went to that allowed her to let him this close. 

She drops her hand to his chest and pushes just enough that he leans back, lips pressing together and eyes shuttering into a blank mask. There’s a difference, now, between the shades of his pupils and his irises, and she thinks it’s because he found something in her eyes that’s the opposite of what she’s doing, now. 

Wondering if he’ll ever tire of her pushing him away, accepting her own emotions but putting the feelings of others above them, Eleonora shifts and stands. After a moment, she turns to him, face drawn in resignation and disappointment. He holds her gaze for only a second before turning his head to the side. “You know.” 

He whispers, “Okay,” and lets her stalk back into the house. 

[hellimagines]

18 Months (Epilogue Headcanons) — Michael Langdon

Here is the official final part of 18 Months. It’s been a journey.

After Michael proposes to you, the two of you sneak off to the oh-to familiar bed down the hall

Gallant sleeps on the couch with earplugs, blasting music he hasn’t gotten to listen to in almost two years, and catching up on all the things he ‘missed’

(Its all fake celebrity news and fashion trends at this point, the universe trying to fill in the blanks Michael left behind)

The wedding is planned for Halloween of next year- all three of you need time to get accustomed to life once again (and you discreetly wanna be able to invite some of the homies from Murder House, but to do so, you’ve gotta convince everyone to make amends)

Gallant takes over the salon in full, putting his name on the front of the building with encouragement from you

You’re the one to keep him sober and on track, wanting to prove Evie wrong in the after life

Michael rebuilds The Cooperative, but it’s different this time, because he knows better than to destroy the world

The Cooperative is now a sort of... hit-man agency for assholes in power (🙄🙄). Michael and you use The Cooperative to weed out everyone that could potentially cause the apocalypse, now that you know exactly what will happen if it does happen. You’re basically Angels of Merch but low key and won’t admit it (Gallant stays out of that bullshit)

You, Michael, and Gallant get into so many fucking fights about where you’ll live (but everyone agrees no on Hawthorne). You wanna live in Murder House so you can rekindle everyone and it’s a total aesthetic. Gallant wants to live in his Nana’s mansion because ‘it’s fucking huge Y/N!!! You’re being d u m b, pack your bags and let’s go’. Michael wants Mead’s small house but he also wants Robichaux’s bc it’s in New Orleans and means a lot to him (sentimental fuck).

You guys rock paper scissor for it (“Don’t use your guys’ magic or I’ll fucking cry”)

You choose rock, Gallant chooses scissors, and Michael chooses paper

It’s hell for the whole day

Until finally you manage to sit everyone down over dinner and explain to them why you think Murder House is the best option (“Y/N it’s called murder house you’re fucking trippin”)

Despite all the comments, side eyes, huffs, scoffs, and groans... you win. You all decide to finally leave The Ritz and move into Murder House- But the boys still keep the deeds to their respective homes, and you Robichaux.

Moving into MH is... a hassle to say the least. The second Michael steps foot through the door, Tate is there (Gallant fucking screams “WHY DOES HE HAVE MY FACE”)

Tate and Michael get in a yelling match that you’re trying to referee, until finally, you just kinda... scream. It scares Michael so bad bc he thinks you’re hurt, and he body checks Tate out of the way (Tate doesn’t think you’re half bad)

Things are tense and awkward the first few days (Gallant nearly refuses to pee bc “y/n they’re gonna watch” and you refuse to shower bc “Michael they’re gonna watch” and Michael has a headache)

But within a month, things are alright. You’ve befriended Rose and Tate right off the bat (respectively told Constance to “get fucked”) and caught Nora up to speed on today’s events. Everyone is #shook she likes you

Gallant hates Chad, never says why, but just know that he does. He prefers Violet and Vivian, and the occasional Ben (“I’m a slut for Harmon’s I guess” “guess I’m a slut for Langdons then. What’s Michael a slut for?” “You, red eyeshadow, and wearing his fuCKING SHOES IN THE HOUSE”)

Michael doesn’t let you get a job even tho you tried to physically fight him over it once. Instead, you become his partner with The Cooperative shenanigans and organize most of the hits

Everybody thinks you’re in a poly relationship with Gallant and Michael (none of you correct them except Michael sometimes bc he’s confused about what that is)

By the time October rolls around, you’re shaking 24/7 (“I didn’t think I was actually gonna get married” “you said yes did you mean no” “nO! I love you and I wanna get married I just...” “I’ll be right here, don’t worry” “I’d sure fucking hope so”)

Your wedding dress is red (Constance screams) with black rose decals (pretty similar to The Outpost dress, but not quite)

Michael’s suit is red, too, with a black tie (“you wear black suits everyday, switch it up for her” “what do you know Gallant” “fashion that’s what you fucking punk”)

Gallant wears white with a red tie (Constance screams)

Gallant is the best man, obviously, and Madelyn is the maid of honor (she survived the apocalypse... Hannah is nowhere to be seen)

Jeff and Mutt beg on their knees to stand at the alter, so Michael lets them. You let Tate, Rose, and Ben stand on at the alter (read: forced)

The wedding is held at Gallant’s mansion, because it’s the biggest house to your guys’ name with the largest backyard

Somehow

Someway

You and Michael had grown a name-to-fame in the year leading up to the wedding

The place is packed and there’s celebrities (Gallant knows half of them, and you wanna faint bc “oh my god is that Harry styles?????? Michael is that Harry styles?????” “U gonna leave me for him?” “I fucking might” “then no, it’s not”)

The wedding goes smooth as fuck (shockingly). The Satanic Church members are in attendance (with an oath not to call Michael Satan and keep that shit under wraps), certain Murder House tenants (“I don’t wanna carpool”), and of course, Gallant’s celebrity bitches

Gallant does yours AND Michael’s hair, and it’s truly spectacular

You and Michael make your own vows, and don’t have a priest (confuses ppl but they don’t care bc the food is g r e a t and the aesthetic is perfect for pictures)

Gallant cries his eyes out. Madelyn looks proud as fuck. Jeff and Mutt look smug (especially Jeff. If he talks to anyone that night it’s “I’m the reason they’re married. Don’t forget that”)

Even though you’re now legally (Y/N) Langdon, and no longer have Foxx anywhere near your name, Michael still calls you that on the daily

You get a tattoo of a fox on your shoulder for his birthday, with ‘don’t tell me what to do’ scrawled on the bottom

Gallant goes with you to get it down, and he and Tate are the only ones who know about it, because nobody else in the house can keep a secret AND Tate helped draw the fox (it’s a typical red fox, but on a red and black backdrop that kinda looks like a moon [“Jesus get a new color scheme y/n” “suck my ass Tate you look like that bitch from blues clues”] but the fox has one (e/c) eye and one blue, and tiny horns poking out of his head)

For Michael’s birthday, you go to Ms. Mead’s home so you can be alone

Michael is sat patiently on the bed, tapping his bare thigh while watching you strip down

“I have a present”

“You are my present some c’m here”

“No, look”

You turn around slowly, exposing your shoulder. It’s in the spot Michael always rests his head when he holds onto your hips

Michael is off the bed in a second, rushing over to you. He traces the design carefully, like he’s afraid it’ll smudge even tho it’s weeks old (grumpasaurus-Rex sometimes during those weeks when you wouldn’t take your shirt off)

Michael is speechless, and you can feel your blush running from your cheeks to your neck

“It’s fucking beautiful”

“You think so?”

Michael doesn’t respond. He just kisses the tattoo before grabbing onto you and tossing you to the bed

And that, is the end of Langfox’s journey (with Gallant ofc). I tried to tie up as many things as possible, but my askbox is always open for questions, concerns, thoughts, or just love💕🖤❤️ Also, this was written on my phone, so I’m sorry if it looks weird.

[dillydedalus]

august reading

minus my women in translation month reads, because i’m still working on the last one but want to include it... that wrap-up will come in a few days once i’m done with the last book. 

not all dead white men: classics and misogyny in the digital age, donna zuckerberg classicist donna zuckerberg (facebook dude’s sister!) talks about how the alt-right, pick-up artists, incels etc. use the classics to assert & justify their misogyny and racism & portray themselves as the inheritors/saviours of western civilisation etc. the main examples she looks at are stoicism, ovid’s ars amatoria, and ancient narratives about sexual violence, which were all really interesting, but i feel like this could have been expanded a lot. 3.5/5

magic for liars, sarah gailey fun & cool crime story about a murder at a secret magical school (school nurse cut in half in magical library!), answering the burning question of what would happen if petunia dursley became a somewhat dysfunctional PI & had to solve a magical murder at hogwarts, where lily is a teacher. 3/5

the lie tree, frances hardinge frances hardinge writes the kind of middle grade/YA books i wish i could have read between like 10-14, where the world is spooky and the girls are angry spiteful stubborn resourceful sneaky things. i loved a skinful of shadows and i loved the lie tree, where curious snake girl (not literally it’s not that kind of a book) has to investigate her scandal-hounded natural scientist father’s death by spreading lies on the miserable island he died on and literally feeding them to spooky science-defying tree - and faith is very good at lying, and very angry, and very much willing to drag the whole island down with her. read for spooky trees, fake ghosts, and victorian male natural scientists being dumb and sexist & victorian female (& thus secret) natural scientist being smart & awesome. 4.5/5

the dead ladies project: exiles, expats & ex-countries, jessa crispin i have been at turns in love & really annoyed with crispin’s 2012 essay on william james, berlin & her own mental breakdown (x) since uh..... 2012 - it says some really interesting things about berlin’s capital-i Image as the city for self-destructive broke & weird messes, it’s very quotable, while also being some of the most irritating Anglophone Expat in Berlin Bullshit ever concocted (’we have surprisingly affordable rents’ sure didn’t age well.....) and saying almost nothing about the actual city outside of the Expat Bubble (apparently every single person in berlin is here because they feel like a failure.... YALL SOME PEOPLE JUST LIVE HERE). this book, structured around crispin’s soul-searching trip around europe, with each city being discussed in connection with an artist/writer/artist’s wife/etc who lived there, opens with that essay and i’m still torn. the thing is, crispin is smart & well-read & occasionally capable of some interesting insight & good writing..... she is also at times utterly insufferable, ranting at length about how she despises women who perform learned helplessness & prioritise men over everything else only to turn around & do the same fucking thing over & over, incl. going on endlessly about her torturous affair with a married writer, performing her ‘broke but independent woman traveller’ while uh.... staying at a friend’s luxurious farmhouse in switzerland for free... at one point she says she never felt at home in kansas bc based on her looks people don’t believe she’s really from kansas & constantly ask her where she’s REALLY from because.... y’all.... while she’s a good-looking white woman she has an ANGULAR FACE. sure jan. there is so much cool stuff in here, and i wish crispin had kept some most of the personal stuff out of it. 2/5 

mansfield park, jane austen hmmmm... austen is always good but this feels like it’s maybe the one novel of hers that is most negatively affected by values dissonance in that its morality feels like it’s from an alien culture which considers a private theatre performance to be the very height of impropriety (aka regency england apparently); as a result, fanny, a passive, timid, neglected girl of strong convictions often comes across as a moralistic prig (i will make no excuses for edmund, who’s just a patronising sanctimonious prig outright). there’s a quiet sort of triumph in fanny’s integrity & conviction in the face of a literal campaign of harrassment from everyone in her life including the dude she’s in love with to marry a reforming (maybe) rake & i love her for that, but her triumph in returning to mansfield park elevated in the esteem of everyone there (except aunt norris who is delightfully vile) feels empty considering that these are the same people who previously neglected her. also edmund sucks. 3/5 #justice4marycrawford #mary/fannyOTP #alsoarewegonnatalkabouttheslavery #guessnot

fool’s quest (fitz & the fool #2), robin hobb the first one in this trilogy was pretty much slow-paced set-up and character development... this one is much better: there’s a lot going on & the character development feels much more organic & complex - fitz seems to have come down from Peak Dumbass a bit & i really liked how it developed shun (shine!!!) and lant, who felt really one-dimensionally awful last book. also there are so many moments when the farseer family really comes thru for fitz & i cried literally every single time. so yeah. this one’s great, can’t wait for the next one but i also really don’t want it to be over :/ 4/5

what matters in jane austen, john mullan fun little collection of essays looking at specific details and minutae and their meaning/importance in austen’s work - like, how old are the characters (incl. age differences), how do characters address each other, what do games do they play, what about the servants, etc. don’t expect deep litcrit but it’s fun. 2.5/5

dead mountain: the untold true story of the dyatlov pass incident, donnie eichar hello i’m fred & i am obsessed with mountaineering disasters. the dyatlov pass incident refers to a night in 1959 where 9 russian hikers died in the ural mountains after they left their tent half-dressed without shoes for ~mysterious reasons. it’s pretty creepy & theories about it run from ‘avalanche’ to ‘animal [yeti] attack’ to ‘aliens and/or soviet conspiracy theory’. eichar too is super obsessed w/ this mystery and even went to the ural mountains & the dyatlov pass to investigate, which sadly makes for the least interesting (and possibly the longest) part of this book (the other timelines are the dyatlov group hike & the investigations after their deaths). the ‘59 timelines are both interesting tho & provide a good look into how weird the whole thing is. i enjoyed this, but i wish he had cut the endless chapters of him investigating, which is mostly russians being like ‘idk man aliens/radioactivity/secret govt agents?’ and him hiking around in a lot of snow, neither of which really added to his theory or my enjoyment. 2/5

if beale street could talk, james baldwin baldwin’s prose is staggeringly brilliant as always. this is a story about a young black couple (tish, who is the narrator, and fonny) in the 70s who are planning to move together and marry when fonny is wrongly arrested for rape by a racist cop with a grudge; tish and her family try to get him out, especially once tish realises that she’s pregnant. tish is a great narrator, at the same time kind of naive and soft, and full of world-weary cynicism about white institutions and racism, and her narrative voice at times drifts in and out of other characters’ minds, which i found an interesting effect. as many baldwin’s novels this is full of rage & violence & tenderness & tiny sparks of hope. 4/5

lady susan, jane austen epistolary novella about a 35-year-old lady susan, a scheming, ruthless, not-so-grieving widow, who is trying to get her timid daughter frederica married to a buffoon. while staying with her sweetly clueless brother-in-law vernon and trying to win over his much more suspicious wife, she makes the wife’s brother reginald (lol) fall in love with her. a very different protag and story for austen & while the end can’t quite commit to either punishing susan very much or letting her triumph, it is a lot of fun. 3/5

on a sunbeam, tillie walden this is an absolutely beautiful (the colours!) graphic novel about a spaceship crew (the spaceship is a fish) who fly around & restore old space buildings. it’s also a story about a romance between two young girls at a boarding school (in space) and about found families and deep space and there’s not a single man in this, just women and elliot, who’s nonbinary. lovely, dreamy and completely gorgeous. want me a fish spaceship. 4/5

between birthday books and birthday giftcards i also acquired uh.... 12 new books??? which is INSANE. i’m not committing to a book buying ban but i should probably chill a lil in the next few months. 

[stcllac]

muse intros part 2 yee yee

yejun roh

he’s basically just another one of my jin fcs so idk what to tell u fam

he has a pretty basic upbringing tbh ??? his parents are chill and work decent jobs and they were always fairly middle class ?? they didn’t stand out too much

they also come from gardeniaville aka where briar’s from so he grew up knowing her

except yejun made himself stand out bc he’s fuckin yejun and needs to be Stopped at all times

he knew from a young age that he was adorable and handsome and it kinda inflated his ego a bit and sure some people hated him for it but most people found it funny bc he wasn’t a dick about it he just made jokes and shit

he found himself doing some part time modelling when he was in high school, and he definitely enjoyed it and would have gone down just that route had it not been for an incident during his third modelling gig

basically he saw the outfit and was just “ooooh it’s pretty !! though i would’ve done this.....and this and this..........

the designer wasn’t offended tho and was just “you have a good eye boi maybe you should be a designer yourself

and the clouds parted and the light rained down and suddenly yejun knew exactly what he wanted to do in life

it actually wasn’t long before he rose to fame as both a designer and a model bc his confidence in his own abilities as well as his general appearance was through the roof sO

he now owns a brand simply named roh yejun, or rojun for short

he’s willing to work with just about anyone tho some people tend to avoid him bc he’s dramatic af which is valid tbh

like this is the guy who will make himself the star of his own fashion show and ensure that rose petals are falling down around him as he struts it down the runway i s2g

he has definitely shouted “THIS IS A GAY’S ONLY EVENT GO HOME” more than once

he knows that magic and all that jazz exists, but he believes that there’s always a science behind it, so he’s a certain brand of sceptic, like he needs to see it to believe it

potential connections & stuff !!

he’s probably worked with anyone famous sO mostly stuff with that tbh

portia galexia

alien princess !!

she’s from the planet lucaura which is a very magical planet that has a very strong connection with the stars and the various constellations in whatever galaxy they happen to be in

lucaura’s magic is very strong and a single (though well practiced) spell by the king or queen can send the entire planet into another galaxy, which is something they tend to do if their current position is threatened

this is how they ended up near earth, as the argenti had attempted to invade them and the royal family were having none of that, and so they spelled the planet to wherever the magic would take them, and thus they ended up close to earth. this was just over a year before the argenti stumbled upon earth themselves

the lucaurans are peaceful and diplomatic people, and so they sent their daughter portia down as a mediator in negotiations

they didn’t really have to try hard as earth as we know it has some strange and magical people, and so it wasn’t hard for her to be accepted, and portia was able to strike a deal where lucaura would protect earth in the case of danger and vice versa

portia is a very generous and kind individual, but can also be optimistically stubborn. if she thinks something can be fixed by her hand, she’ll make sure she does just that as soon as possible, and she can have a one track mind at times

she actually really likes it on earth and spends a lot of her time there. she initially lived near the space port downtown, but that became an infected zone pretty quickly, and so she lives in a skyscraper right by it

her parents made the decision to not tell the earthlings about their history with the argenti, a decision portia didn’t really agree with, but she trusts her judgement and instead focuses on ensuring the safety of the earthlings and the lucaurans

ever since she was young, she’s focused a lot on her magic, and so she has very strong powers that she gathers from the stars. they’re stronger at night for obvious reasons

her magic can be pretty op in terms of what she CAN do but there are definitely things that are generally forbidden in lucauran law, such as resurrection, murder, summoning the dead in any capacity, basically anything that is considered disrespectful is a big ‘no-no’

they don’t count killing argenti monsters as murder tho so go wild i guess

possible connections & stuff !!

if you’re a leader or hero of some kind, she’s probably at least met you once since she’s always trying to help and make connections

her attendant aka the sort of ?? official ?? who came down w/ her to earth bc those are the Rules yeet skeet

levi royce

an orphan boi

levi has absolutely no idea where he came from or who his real parents are or even what his birthday is but he’s roughly 18 so ??

he was left on the front steps of anna’s home when he was a wee bab and there was nothing to tie him to who tf he was so he didn’t have a name or birth certificate or aNYTHING

his name was given to him by one of the people who work there, and he was sORT OF adopted at that moment ?? but he lived in the orphanage bc his adoptive mother lived in the orphanage, and even then it was just this agreement that this child was the orphanage baby and he was everyone’s son

levi didn’t really question it until he was quite a bit older, about eight or nine, and they pretty much told him the truth bc he was pretty mature for his age and could take it

while he didn’t show it, it actually really affected him bc at least some of the other kids had a vague idea of where they’d come from, but not him apparently, he was a mystery

he refused to reveal how he felt to anyone tho bc he’d already made a name for himself as being the big brother to everyone in the orphanage, the one all the kids could rely on to be there with advice or a bedtime story, and he didn’t want to show weakness in front of them

while he’s a relatively calm person he goes into angry protective mode when the orphanage or the residents of it are threatened like he’s not playing he has a sword and he wILL use it

the day the argenti came, he’d had a really bad feeling, especially when the clouds starting coming in, and so he’d told the other kids to stay inside. sure enough, then came the argenti

he wasn’t able to save all of the kids tho as one of them went missing and he has no idea where they are, but he once again refuses to show his worry

he’s the type of guy who’s really soft around those he considers his family but can seem kinda distant to strangers, but that’s because he can be a bit distrustful at first

he absolutely sings the kids to sleep he has a heavenly voice

but he’s also kind of a dumbfuck with no sense of self preservation sometimes as well as being completely and utterly oblivious like jfc

possible connections & stuff !!

gimme more orphans like it doesn’t matter if they’re older or younger he’ll look after all of them ok

micah gilligan

speaking of dumbasses

micah is basically the epitome of a dumb teen he’s just ?? niCER THAN MOST I GUESS ??

he was (and still is tbh) the neighbourhood kid who would try stupid stunts and break his arms every month or so without giving a fuck like i s2g he’s immune to the pain to this point why is he like this

he lives in the cul-de-sac w/ the other kids there and grew up there from the time he was a wee bab so he ofc knows remy and thinks of him as his older brother of sorts

he’s super friendly and gets along with most people even tho he’s, as we’ve established, dUMB

his parents are just waiting until he graduates and he goes off to college

when the argenti first made themselves known he was just “WHAT” like everyone else, but after that, he was determined to get in contact with them

he didn’t meet an argenti, per say, but he met one of the monsters the argenti had made from a few nearby bushes. needless to say, it didn’t end all that well for him, and he had to be treated for burns, but at least he wasn’t dead

that hasn’t deterred him, though, and he’s determined to be of sOME use in the fight, and so he lets fighters come into his home while his parents are out and makes sure they’re fed and well-cared for, even lets them sleep upstairs if they need it

once he gets one of siwoo’s weapons in his hands he’s gonna be unstoppable tbh he’s gonna gO FOR IT

honestly it’ll be a miracle if he doesn’t end up killed

despite all of this, once he does figure out that someone is upset for whatever reason, he ensures that he pays attention to them and gives them whatever they need if he’s able to and is just there for them in general

too bad he’s an oblivious little shit half the time

possible connections & stuff !!

hi i need more cul-de-sac crew kids asap i want them All

any fighter around the suburbs that he could’ve helped !! he’s pretty friendly with all the people who have set up camp in their little enclosed area so !!

paige park

yall know my girl it’s been a while

she works for the agency that doesn’t have a proper name bc they’re that secretive that they’re just “the agency”

her parents were both agents who met while working there and badabing badaboom paige is conceived

paige’s father didn’t agree with the experiments the agency was doing in the science department, the ones where they were attempting to combine human dna with animal dna to make shapeshifting hybrids, and so he called them out on their bullshit and booked it once he was labelled as a traitor

what happened to him afterwards is officially unknown by most, but many speculate that he was assassinated

as a big ‘fuck you’ to the guy who tried to ruin their precious experiments, the agency decided that they would make test subjects out of paige’s mother and paige herself after she was born

the experiment on her mother, the one that was conducted barely a day after paige was born, was almost a success, but there were several factors that caused the project to fail, notably the fact that her mother was still recovering from giving birth and that the animal dna wasn’t large enough in quantity to overpower her genetics. she died on the operating table

paige ended up being part of an experiment along with a bunch of other infants, and it’s only then that the experiment was a success and the scientists realised that they would need to inject the dna and ensure its spread during the first few years of life, around a few weeks to five years old, though ideally around the three year mark

and thus, paige the platypus was created

she’s a stellar agent and is considered one of the best in the field, though this often means her workload is tough

most of her jobs prior to the invasion kept her close to the agency downtown, and while she’s still in the downtown area now, she has to stretch herself pretty thin sometimes

since she has platypus dna she can turn into a platypus, though the only ability she retains in her human form is electroreception, which basically means she can sense shit underwater

she’s sorta known as a big sister among the other animal agents bc of her personality, she’s very much the mum friend

she has no idea what happened to her parents and is pretty obedient when it comes to the agency

possible connections & stuff !!

i’ll always love me some more animal agents

even tho she’s focused on the argenti that doesn’t mean she can’t see other criminals in action, she’s more the tailing type tho sO she might stalk some shady people just :eyes emoji:

margaret corrs

she’s trying her best

maggie’s always been the responsible one out of her and her sister and that’s been the case since they were little

what she diDN’T expect was that she would end up becoming her sister’s legal guardian when their parents went missing under suspicious circumstances

her parents both worked for a well off family and her mother was a secretary and her father was a driver so they’re pretty much invisible workers ?? not that they’re unappreciated or anything it’s just that people tend to have conversations in front of them as if they aren’t there

aNYWAY one day they went to work but ended up not coming home which was of course sUPER concerning and so she went to the police to file the missing person’s report

long story short, she was to look after violet while the police did their investigation, but for a year and a half it was a constant string of no-shows and dead leads and shoddy police work and maggie was growing tired of it

she was already studying journalism so it wasn’t hard for her to become interested in investigative journalism and she used the skills she learned to start looking for hERSELF why her parents disappeared

the argenti attacked before she could get very far tho

and now that vi has gone missing she’s looking for her too and she’s stressed and feels terrible bc her entire family is gone why couldn’t i help them

she isn’t doing anything sUPER crazy yet, just looking around and asking questions, but the more time spent without any word from any of her family members the more determined she’s gonna be

she has literally nO time for the argenti fam she has a family to find and those dumbass aliens aren’t gonna stop her

she’s a pretty no-nonsense person and the mama bear will come out if you even tHINK of hurting anyone close to her i dare u

she can defend herself aDEQUATELY but not amazingly

potential connections & stuff !!

tbh she’s probably questioned anyone and everyone so !! anYONE TBH

castanea primus

succubus babie

except she’s not really a babie she’s just a Brat

after what happened to her parents back in the underland, castanea has always held a deep grudge against demons despite being one. as far as she’s concerned the only other demon she can trust is her older brother and everyone else can perish

that’s a major reason as to why when her brother moved away from the underland she was just “tAKE ME WITH YOU”, she really wanted out of there

some of her generalisations towards other demons have changed the way she sees herself, and so she doesn’t see herself as a good person in any capacity, so she doesn’t really try

upstanding citizen ?? what’s that ??

she’s not going around and doing crimes, but she just doesn’t care. she doesn’t care about school or how she’s going to get far in life. who needs to do that when you have the ability to charm someone into doing whatever you want them to ???

the daytime hours are when she acts the most human, going to school (most of the time) and spending most of her time with surface dwellers. her night time hours are usually spent at the club her brother works at, pestering him and anyone else who might come her way

tbh she can’t wait to be a hoe but only bc she wants to get stuff out of it

the argenti is something she tends to ignore for the most part, as in her opinion, her life on earth would likely just be cut short in some other way if they weren’t around, so why bother ??

very flippant about death as you can see, doesn’t really care if she lives or dies, but she isn’t about to tell anyone else that

she’s considered the ‘cool beauty’ type at school. beautiful, but hard for people to approach. she probably has a group of good friends but it’s unlikely that they know she’s a succubus

talks back to teachers with the most deadpan expression and calm voice

refuses to get Attached™

possible connections & stuff !!

fellow students !! her school friends !! even just people around the downtown area who know her !!

anyone she can get attached to, bc getting attached fUCKS HER UP

[moonmothmama]

ok. so. The Princess Bride. i read it yesterday.

and right up front, before even a review, i’m gonna go ahead and list everything objectionable in the book that i can recall. please don’t take the length of the bullet pointed items to follow as an indication that the book was wildly problematic and offended me at every turn; it wasn’t and it didn’t. but there were some things that made me go: 😑 or 😒, and here it all is, presented with context, before anything else, because to be honest, i didn’t expect any of it. the film is relatively spotless, which is pretty rare for that era, and if any of you are thinking of reading it, you could do with being more prepared for this than i was.

first off, racism. two passing remarks. one isn’t even in the story proper; it’s in the first whole long intro bit from the author/narrator. that takes some explanation, i suppose: like in the film, the story is presented as a book having been written by “S. Morganstern,” except instead of a grandfather reading to his sick grandson, the narrator is interjecting with notes on the original text that he has abridged. the beginning is a whole long shpiel that, in my opinion, could have been significantly pared down with absolutely zero loss to the story (which! hey! the film did perfectly! go figure!). anyway, the first racist remark is an absolutely tasteless line in which the narrator pisses and moans about his fat son, making a crack about “painting him yellow” and making him a sumo wrestler. y i k e. the other passing remark is from Miracle Max (really, truly, the film version of this scene is miles better than the book version, but contains an important plot detail, so you should prob still read it, but i’ll give you the lowdown if you wanna skip). he refers to Iñigo as a sp*ck (rather bafflingly, i might add, bc Iñigo is a Spanish man... from Spain... not a Hispanic or Latino man from Latin America. so. i mean i’m certainly not an expert on slurs but... i have never in my life heard that term in reference to a person from Spain, and am virtually certain it was invented to refer to ppl from the americas) and in the same breath uses an objectionable term for a Polish person. sooo... again: y i k e. what gets me is that... these could’ve just been edited out? why weren’t they? i mean i know why but

fat shaming! see above. though to be honest, any true negativity about fatness is restricted to the author/narrator’s interjections; there are a few minor fat characters in the story and those depictions, without being too long-winded or spoilery, didn’t offend me (fyi: i’m fat). if you want the details, please feel free to message me about it.

if we can go back to the whole long beginning shpiel from the author/narrator, it’s just... eh. he comes off as kind of a jackass, tbh. not even halfway through it i found myself more than a little impatient for the story to begin, and that could be at least partly because the film spoiled me with a lovely, not annoying, not problematic scene of Granddad Columbo reading to Baby Fred Savage where no one made any racist remarks or ragged on fat kids. the basic gist, if you want to skip it, is that the author, as a kid, had this book read to HIM by his father, who was a Florinese immigrant, and nearly illiterate in English, but still labored over reading the English translation to his American-born son, who adored the book and requested it read to him dozens and dozens of times over the years, refusing to read it himself (though he read plenty of other books). as an adult, he buys his son the book, and is crushed when the son doesn’t like it. he then reads it for the first time, and realizes his father skipped over huge, boring blocks of text. he read his son only The Good Parts. so he decides to edit that shit out himself and release the abridged version he loves so much. add into that some complaining about his wife and some extra blah blah, and that’s pretty much it.

you remember the scene in the movie where The Man In Black/Westley almost slaps Buttercup for what he believes is lying? in the book he actually slaps her. not that his actions seem supported or endorsed by the text, but still, there you are. Buttercup does push him off a cliff soon after, though, so. i wouldn’t call that ‘even’ exactly but, shrug

Vizzini, in the book, has a fucky leg and his back isn’t quite straight, and he’s referred to repeatedly as a “humpback” or “hunchback” which needless to say is Not Kosher

that, as i recall, is it. i hope i’m not forgetting anything. now onto content/trigger warnings:

alcoholism. this shouldn’t be a surprise if you’ve seen the movie: Iñigo has some, shall we say, issues

Fezzik’s parents were... terrible. CPS would be all over them. spoiler: basically they emotionally blackmailed their son into fighting professionally, which they knew he hated, by telling him they’d abandon him if he didn’t

Buttercup has some kinda messed up (read: unsettling but in no way graphic) nightmares after leaving Westley when they’re found by Prince Humperdinck at the Fire Swamp, mostly involving bearing children to the Prince who she once again is set to marry

the slurs and whatnot i mentioned above

violence, obviously. nothing worse than the film as i recall.

that’s it i think. 

okay. all that said. did i enjoy the book? yes i did. a lot.

now, you might be thinking: jesus, Kathleen, after all the shit you just listed? and to this i reply: listen. there is no Unproblematic Media, so you either enjoy some things that are flawed, or you enjoy nothing at all. there is plenty of objectionable shit in Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit! fucking plenty! and i love those books! and so do plenty of other people! in my own humble opinion, the good story is worth the shitty bits, because the shitty bits aren’t like, fundamental to the plotline. the story isn’t built on offensive humor or nasty, bigoted attitudes. and they’re also not the most egregious examples of Objectionable Content i’ve come across- not by a longshot. there are levels to offense. there are tiers of bullshit. this is on a far lower tier than a whole host of other things i could mention. but if any of this stuff i’ve listed crosses a line for you, i totally understand and respect that. that’s why i’ve bothered to list it at all. imo, how you respond to objectionable content is important: you don’t ignore it or excuse it, you acknowledge and criticize it. and if you still enjoy whatever the thing is, you allow yourself to enjoy it, without getting hissy or defensive with people for whom the objectionable content ruined the book/movie/whatever. 

there you go, there’s my disclaimer for having enjoyed the book. your mileage may vary.

okay. so. review time.

Buttercup is a far more interesting character in the book than the movie, for which the movie can’t be faulted all that much, because you can’t easily translate a character’s inner monologue/unspoken thoughts to the screen, especially not with the time limit that comes with the medium of film. but watching her struggle with her feelings and life choices (and... lack thereof, since her choice is between marrying the prince and being put to death, which isn’t much of a choice, even if she tries to reason it out later by telling herself she COULD have said no... and initially did) creates far more of a bond between her and the reader in the book than, personally, i felt watching the movie. also she has a great line after Westley calls her beautiful at their reunion- she says something like, ‘everyone’s always calling me beautiful, i have a mind too, why don’t you talk about that’

Both Westley and Buttercup are immature, naive, and foolish in the beginning, and if Westley strikes you as Extra Dickish, a) rewatch the film! he did act like a bit of a dick, there, didn’t he? b) remember that in the story he’s a young man between the ages of eighteen and twenty five, which in my considerable experience is the age at which young men are generally at their peak of Asshole. sorry dudes

and not that Buttercup herself is a complete peach! she deals very poorly with her emotions in general and acts kinda shitty herself once or twice. i won’t say too much lest i spoil everything that’s different between the film and the book.

Prince Humperdinck is also a more three dimensional character; still a rat bastard tho.

onto Fezzik and Iñigo.

as i have said in other blog posts, these boys are... pretty much the whole reason i sought out the book. and... jesus. 

you get all the way into the tragic backstories that were only hinted at in the film. okay, Iñigo’s backstory was more than hinted- but of course you go so much deeper in the book- and Fezzik’s was less than hinted, reduced mostly to a peek at the insecurity that Vizzini exploits and preys upon to keep him in line. not that you’d have to expend a great effort to him to keep him in line; his personality is docile and non-confrontational. truly not the slightest bit aggressive by nature. he’s also kinda clingy and needy, which is a thousand percent understandable given his childhood, and tbqh doesn’t need to be browbeaten for Vizzini to keep him on his short, cruel leash. which makes it all the more painful! hurrah! 😭

also you actually get to meet Iñigo’s father, Domingo Montoya, in a flashback, aaaand... i kinda love him. probably predictable if you know me.

anyway. tragic backstories. which further illuminate the emotional and psychological issues that make them so dependent on Vizzini, and turn them to lives of crime in his employ. poor boys! oy gevalt. sympathy abounds; i honestly don’t know how you could go through the book and not fall at least a little bit in love with this duo, whose friendship is precious and adorable and a balm to the soul that is aching from their painful life stories and unhealthy coping mechanisms. they’re each, very plainly, the only friend the other has in the world, and are constantly helping and bolstering one another. it’s heartbreakingly sweet. i think those boys will be alright as long as they stick together.

and now, the repeated theme of the book, that is presented with far less intensity in the film: life isn’t fair. which, one supposes, is true. but while the narrator’s framing of that assertion may give you the same misgivings they gave me- bitching about his fat son and his less than ideal relationship with his wife- you can also step back and appreciate it as a wee pearl of wisdom. life is often unfair, but that doesn’t mean it’s altogether bad or that you can’t enjoy it. idk, that’s my attitude, man. 

i could talk about the ending here, but i won’t. at least not too much. not to spoiler-ish-ly. if you don’t want to know anything about the book’s ending at all, feel free to not read the last bit here, except for the very last lines which are bolded.

ready? yes? no?

...

the ending to the book is different than the movie. there is a more philosophical, open ended conclusion than you could really get away with in a movie. at least this movie.

just throwing it out there: i believe in happy endings. ones in real life. but i kind of disagree with the author a little bit, in that i don’t think happy endings necessarily have to be perfect and unblemished to qualify as happy endings. that may be the way “happily ever after” is generally presented, but to me, “happily ever after” means, maybe some shit happened, but none of it was completely devastating, and in the final analysis, life was satisfying. that’s the kind of real life happy ending i’m aiming (and hoping) for. this might sound vague but i hope it’ll make sense if you read the book.

if you wanna do that, btw, i read it for free online at allnovel dot net.

[catastrothicc]

when will i learn to write an intro post

hello friens my name is kit im 19 and i use them/they pronouns. i love the color GREEN as u can tell and im a cancer ..... i literally don’t kno who i am besides that so ! ey letz gO  .... oh yea my timezone is mdt .  bu ckle . ... .. . u p

fiRST we have rocky whomst some of  u kNO bc he was That guy in paracosms anD created by the m ost crea tive  admins iv’e ever seEN i got blessedt 2 play him and to play him agAIN in literally the most mentally straining au for any character .... paracosms verse ! x 

i previously made an intro post for him here so i’m just gonna link it and walk away .. .. .... also his stats page still lives here !!! keeping in mind that he is no longer a drug ring leader ..... he recently discovered that his wHOLE LIFE is a LIE and that he’s a helpless robot stuck in hell with a bunch of other robots who want 2 murder him and every(robot)body he loves 

find his pinterest board here , someday a whole ass playlist too

neXT we have minjae ... he’s my oldest character in this batch but that doesn’t mean i especially love him .... just means i’ve made him suffer the longest .... . . . tw: child abuse ( pinterest board , playlist 1 , playlist 2 )

minjae is in the main verse ! find him bullshitting through college and b-boying in the camden streets 

he’s twenty-one and a virgo , born in busan , south korea 

he found his way to london when his parents sent him away to study abroad highkey because that’s a big fancy thing in korea they can brag about and lowkey to get rid of him for as long as they can 

his relationship with his family is ..... interestingly strained . his parents WON’T admit that he’s tiring as hell to deal with and how much stress he causes because they try their best to be supporting/loving parents but honestly minjae KNOWS how much they just wISH he was fucking gONE from their lives ( okay maybe not THAT intense but things rlly blow up in his head ) but he doesn’t even worry about it he just deals with the fact that he’s a terrible son

he was diagnosed with odd when he was eight years old, after his mom got tired and increasingly concerned with his disruptive and violent behavior

a few years prior , minjae’s biological dad left them and his mom kind of took it upon herself to try and make it up to him . that meant she was always careful around him and treated him as if he was fragile because minjae felt some blame that his dad left . 

his biological dad did Not have any patience for his kid’s mental health , meaning he and minjae would fight often to the point of getting physical . basically minjae endured a lot of getting locked up in the bathroom kicking and screaming until his voice grew hoarse and the occasional ..... bad beatings .

he went to therapy with his mom for two years before entering middle school , around the time his mom remarried a nice guy who had the patience of a saint when it came to minjae , even after he repeatedly rejected him as a part of their life . eventually minjae managed to warm up to him ..... he just didn’t wanna admit he was afraid he’d abandon them like his bio dad . 

despite the therapy he was still unstable and got into frequent fights . he was smart but he didn’t put it into any good use because he would rather fool around and disrupt the classroom at any slight chance . teachers .... hated this fuckass 

theN high school !! A Whole Mess ..... he got worse and worse , and it wasn’t until he got expelled from his Second high school that he went back to therapy for anger management . 

after months of sessions w/ his therapist he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder , which honestly explained Everything about his life . it explained his massive issues with interpersonal relationships , massive abandonment fear , massive moodiness , massive personality contradictions .... everythin g

he started b-boying because it was a way to push himself and let go of the anger without picking a fight with someone else ( altho he StilL picked the occasional fight .... highkey still does ) but he loved the control that came with dancing and how it hurt to push his body 

he managed to graduate despite what everyone thought ..... and even a bigger surprise is that he went to college majoring in math ..... and an evEN BIGGER SURPRISE is that he went overseas to study which is like ..... quite a difficult and impressive thing to do ..... tho minjae just finds math the easiest out of academic studies bc “all u need to do is understand and follow a formula” 

anYWAYS so his personality is generally very contradictory . he just has no fucking idea who he even is . thESE are from an old intro that i’m just putting here bc still tru:

being delusional w/ infatuation/love to the point of a fault vs running away when things actually start to go right with someone because of his fear of being abandoned by them

being so afraid of abandonment that he can’t stand being alone, always needs to be communicating with someone vs pushing people away when he feels like he’s getting attached because he’s afraid of abandonment 

swinging between being horny all the time and being sex repulsed

intense mood swings !!! having the time of his life one hour and wishing he was dead the next

thinks he’s the best vs loathes his entire being

wants everyone to love him vs thinking he deserves being alone

incredibly charming and talkative vs distant and moody

loving/cuddly/goofy vs jealous/purposely mean/bossy 

also never tell him its ok to text u bc he’ll give u notifications from Hell

dhwani mishra !!! honestly Bae . i’ve had her in my head for mONTHs and this is only the second time i play her rip . anyways say hello to this Hot Mom. tw: abuse , brief abortion mention 

dhwani is from chicago , she’s 36 and a leo .... literally The Whole SUN

she grew up w/ a generally large family . two parents , three sisters and a brother . it was a full house that often became suffocating but she managed to survive her childhood and teenhood . 

she’s extremely close with all her fam except her dad , bc they have always disagreed in almost everything and it’s just ..... awkward to be around him ?? she honestly doesn’t respect him much , even if she would never show him/tell him that . her dad had an abusive past w/ her mom , and dhwani still feels a lot of resentment that he would ever lay his hands on her in a violent way and mistreat her despite being the mother of his children . when she was a teenager , she would tell her mom to just divorce him but her mom was in a very toxic/old mentality and believed she would ruin her family and her children’s life if she did that . 

probably nobody cared about this as much as dhwani .... she promised herself she’d NEVER allow someone to do what her dad did to her mom and was honestly so defensive with guys . little did she kno it was the lesbian raging inside her . 

so because she had no idea what a lesbian was or that it was a possibility bc her household was not the type to really go into the topic of sex at all , she eventually got into a relationship with a guy in high school that she could actually put up with .... and got really disappointed when she was finally ‘ in love ’ because of how underwhelming it all was . her dreams about finding ‘ the one ’ were absolutely gone . she was like wtf why are people making such a big deal out of love when it feels like ...... kind of nothing ?? 

she became pregnant with his child which was completely unplanned and was such a huge turn in her life that she never ever expected . all this time she had been driven to start a career in chemistry and family would come way wayyy later , however she did Not want to give up her child ..... she was so torn about it but now she thinks not getting an abortion was the best decision of her life bc her little boy , one of her two little suns was brought into the world . 

she paused her career to raise him w/ her now husband when she was 29 , and three years later became pregnant again , this time w/ her second sun , an adorable lil baby girl . things were already going downhill in her marriage before she got pregnant again , though , and she stupidly thought that maybe another child would help them but ... wrong ! her husband , the man she thought she loved , was turning out to be exactly like her father . she put up w/ him for as long as she could .... but it did just not work out . when her daughter was two and her son five , she divorced him and someway or another managed to pick up her career again . 

she moved out with her kids into a small apartment , struggling with money and having to ask her parents for aid which wasn’t rlly good for her pride , despite that she and her mom were like best friends .

sHE made it to london by pure will after juggling her two children and working as a high school teacher , though when she got an offer to teach as a professor in a university w/ heR OWN LAB AND RESEARCH TEAM she could Not pass it up . the only problem was tht this job was across the ocean , and away from her family and everything she and her children knew . 

still , she saw a brighter future , not only for herself but especially for her kids , so she packed up and said goodbye to the states . 

she’s been teaching in soho for two years now and she still hasn’t really adjusted . it’s obviously a very different life than the one she had in chicago , but she’s very determined to make it work . also she’s recently discovering her repressed inner lesbian so hmu for plots !!! ;))) 

shE’S a chemistry professor so ... @ any student connections hmu ... also any students whomst want 2 be on her research team A++ 

pERSONALity wise .... she’s a mess . she’s very lively and warm and inviting , but she is also extremely stubborn and unrestrained . you don’t agree w/ something she does ? Suck It . you have a stupid opinion ? Time to let u kno how absolutely wrong u are . she is NOT afraid of a fight . also she’s v scatterbrained .... there is so much on her schedule that she can barely keep up w/ so she’s never like ... calm . always going somewhere , always pacing places , chugging her coffee , carrying 789479 folders and books everywhere . 

hER class is pretty much this vine 

probably one of the least chill professors on campus in the best way possible . she’s so excited about chemistry and teaching her students . altho she is lenient and understanding she can also b strict af and doesn’t allow her kindness to b taken advantage of . rlly good at drawing lines . 

also her children are her whole world and she loves to brag about them ... since she doesn’t get enough time w/ them at home she sometimes takes them to her lab on campus or they’re there being a mess during her office hours and stressing her out but she’s 2 fond of them to leave them w/ their babysitter . 

oK so here is her v incomplete pinterest board ... expect a playlist Soon 

lAST BUT NOT LEAST is santana !!! he is ... a solid trip . this is my first time playing him so i’m puMPED and expecting the worst of him fhuidshfiusdhg. tw: drug use , abuse , alcoholism 

he is 23 , a Cancer , n from LA california like that red hot chili peppers song(s)

his childhood wasn’t chill at all . he grew up with four sisters and three brothers , so his parents never really had time for all of them individually . they were always kind of lumped together despite the differences in age . santana was one of the middle children so he got evEN LESS attention . 

he honestly does not understand what his parents were thinking when they had EIGHT whole kids , because they were poor as shit . they lived in a tiny house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms , where all the girls would be in 1 room , the boys in the other , and their parents in th third one . you could Not catch a moment of peace in this household . they basically lived on top of each other .

his older siblings were very bad influences , and so were his parents . it was all tough love , so he barely received any kindness or special treatment and had 2 go to school even if he was dying w/ the flu and got hit Bad when he acted out even a little bit bc his parents were Not about to deal w/ any disrespect . he actually pretty much got hit for just existing bc his parents didn’t want dumb kids and santana was failing in Everything at school so his dad especially tried to beat it into him but really he wasn’t dumb he had dyslexia and no one knew or cared enough to find out .

still , they didn’t really respect their children enough to demand their respect . they would cuss all of them tf out and allow them little to no privacy so they all became rEALLY GOOD liars , and all of them learned to have each other’s backs but rlly this only lasted during their childhoods/teenhoods . 

santana started doing really stupid shit during high school and once he got caught stealing wine from a grocery store w/ all his dumb little high school friends whomst were in possession of weed and ended up in juvenile prison for two years until he turned 18 . thEN while he was on parole he didn’t learn his fucking lesson and his parents/family were not supportive At All honestly it’s like they didn’t give 2 shits that he was in juvie they were just like ‘that’s what happens when you’re a goddamn moron’ so santana went out and did it aGAIN bc fuck parental guidance anyways

this time he got caught stealing a whole fucking car and in possession of not only weed but cocaine so he got locked up for 4 long ass years . honestly thought that he wouldn’t make it out but he rlly learned a lot in prison and he was used to getting no privacy anyways and just kinda dealt . the prison system he was stuck in Sucked so bad though like the guards were the Worst and he’d try to stay out of fights but Some Fucker would piss him off and BOOM he’d end up in the hole for a whole week . 

hOWEVER if it wasn’t for being there he would’ve never discovered his passion of art and drawing . he got Really Fucking good bc he had nothing else to do but sit around and try to find anything to pour all of his pent up energy into and drawing happened to be his greatest outlet . would just sit for as long as they let him and draw his time away . 

when he got out he went back to his fam but they were pretty much all split up . shit went Down while he was locked up and somehow his parents ended up w/ a giant grudge on their children and some of his siblings wanted to kill each other while others had just completely moved away to different parts of the states and had absolutely no communication w/ each other . 

santana decided to fuck it and pursue his dreams of being a tattoo artist far from LA and just decided to move to a different country entirely . 

Now u can find him giving tattoos in his apartment bc he doesn’t have enough $$$ to get a studio and while he Is training under a professional he’s not getting paid by them so he needs to make money somehow . it’s a secret that he’s tattooing when he’s not supposed to tho . Fuck the law . 

personality !!!! he’s basically .... very chill .... perhaps 2 chill .... 

even tho drugs got him some bad time in prison he hasn’t left them . still very 420 friendly and occasionally does the hard stuff . also loves 2 drink and party . 

he’s irresponsible !!!! he feels like he lost a lot of his life in prison so he’s trying to make up for it and while he’s being more careful ..... he still loves 2 fuck shit up .

he gets way too comfortable around people way too easily . he thinks this is a trait he picked up in jail bc he rlly had no other option but to shower with a bunch of dudes and shit out in the open , so he’s very comfortable with his body and being in the nude in general . also a touchy guy , likes cuddles and appreciates hugs . random meaningless touches are a Habit . 

he loves to hang and do whatever so if ur his friend chances are tht he’s hitting u up 24/7 to go do something . biggest extrovert there is . does not get tired of being in public / around people . also p flirty and gay as hell . 

sO find his pinterest board here and i’m also in the process of finishing a playlist for him hopefully soon 

thAT WOULD BE ALL FOR NOW !!! hmu and feel free to add me on discord ( a whole silly boy#2690 , kít (catastrothicc) in the group chat ) for plots and such !!! 

[carraville]

 year in fic review (2017)

using the wonderful @neyvenger​ ‘s template! everyone should do this i wanna read <3

Year at a glance:  Total number of completed stories: 25 (26 if u count hockey) Total word count:  146929

Overall Thoughts:

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?  LOTS MORE it’s probly bc i wrote a hella lot while jumping from train to train traveling all of Europe, and probly bc i gave up on school by mid-sem last year, and probly bc the only thing i can do at work that looks like i’m still doing work when i’m not is write 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? The fuCKING GERMS i blame it on germs like i 100% would never have thought i’d write 16k of thomasfips who does that also joemilly??? but i luff

What’s your own favorite story of the year? i dont have one i love and hate them all equally... i guess strangeways here we come just bc i took so damn long to write it and tbf i didn’t write a lot of carraville this year so it was kind of like my One and Only 

Did you take any writing risks this year?

writing a lot of people I didn’t know how to write, writing about a lot of Big Things (particularly on the bridge between starshine and clay) that i wasn’t sure about, writing a lot of aus i’d never done before, writing ??? PORN???? even tho ive never banged anyone in my life

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? all 12 months of football prompts! hopefully! and writing more new ships and meeting more people and reading good fic  also finally doing all my historical aus bc if there’s one thing i’ve learnt this year, it’s not to give a shit what other people want and just write what u want even if no one is going to read it xoxo

From my past year of writing, what was…

My best story of this year: from a writing perspective i think an die nachgeborenen just bc it was the most? complete, i guess? and plotty? like if i changed the names and pretended it wasn’t creepy i could probably send it for rejection 

My most popular story of this year:  strangeways, here we come i guess cos i published it around that time the r*dditors were sneaking around lmao

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:  the wonder of my world cos it’s niche and manc but!!!!!!! i love my mancs

Most fun story to write: fuckin.  30 Shades Of Red

Story with the single sexiest moment: The Anonymous Present That Appeared For Sab’s Birthday That Doesn’t Exist 

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: Again, The Anonymous Present that Doesn’t Exist 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I’m pretty set when it comes to characters, I guess, because I only like writing when I understand them, but maybe Aubade bc I’d never written Iker till then and I really liked how it turned out

Hardest story to write:  summer sang in me a little while bc it was a) wrestling with a Lot of Football feelings that I didn’t know how to talk about, b) wresting with trashbag xabi alonso and what I thought of him vs. what other people thought of him, c) writing ships and people I had 0 idea about

Biggest surprise:  i like germs! wtf

Highlights + Wrap-up:  ok I TRIED TO PICK DIFFERENT ONES FROM ALL FIC 

Favorite Opening Lines (3):

when the world was ours

There's a crunch. There's a crunch and it's over. 

the setting sun is sweetest last

When all the hands have been shaken and hugs exchanged someone presses a microphone into his hands and he fumbles, not quite sure how to put what he's feeling into words. Eventually he settles for something about looking towards the final on Saturday and he sees David from the corner of his eye shaking his head, almost as if to say: god, Gaz, how do you manage to make everything about United when this should be about you.

In the end, it's simple.

cheesed to meet you

Philipp calls Thomas first, because he always calls Thomas first.

"I didn't do it," Thomas says immediately, with the kind of well-practiced plausibility that only comes from doing the things he says he hasn't done.

Favorite Closing Lines (4):

yes, yes, we are magicians

You jog back to the halfway line. Your face must be shining under the lights, and you wonder if mum's in the crowd, smiling. Let's go to Wembley some day. Rooney rolls the ball to you and you're off again, no marcus's ball scribbled into the patchy leather, no divots and pot-holes in a sandy, well-worn pitch.

You're nineteen years old and going to the Euros.

Every blade of grass here is the exact same height.

in this story we belong to ourselves

Liverpool is. A river that runs before two men who used to have numbers on their backs and now have a house no longer empty. A stream of memories and breaking apart and going again. The Mersey, quiet, grey, flowing gently through the Narrows and out into the great big sea, ever so slightly out of reach.

Variation IX

He says I've missed you, mate.

I say You know, I thought you might.

He says I hope you missed me too.

I say Well of course, otherwise where would I go for Christmas this year?

And then he starts laughing and I start laughing and we laugh and laugh and don’t stop until he kisses me again.

yes, there will be song

You step back and turn, take the steps two at a time. Somewhere outside Anfield there's a man with a shirt that's as as red as the names on the back. He's got a scarf around his neck like a docker, and he presses his face to the Shankly gates like he's kissing a trophy. Make us dream, he whispers, a secret he's never told anyone else, his heart heavy and his eyes tired but his body trembling with a belief too full for words. Above him, the sky is golden.

Favorite Lines From Anywhere (5):

strangeways, here we come

It's weak against Paraguay, it's tired against Paraguay, but the England fans are singing and they have to listen. Countries are not clubs. This sinks deeper than loyalty, at once more insular and more ubiquitous than Liverpool or United could ever be. There are little flags hung up in Sainsbury's, strangers with their arms round each other in pubs, the radios of an electronics store tuned in to Radio 5 Live. Come on England. Bandied about like a mantra, a swear word, a secret password offered by old hands who brace themselves for more disappointment with a nudge and a wink. England always - a host of words go here, crash out , fuck up , lose , but -

Believe rises above them all. Maybe it's delusional. Maybe it's arrogant. Beckham takes a free kick that delights and astonishes the way his free kicks do and it ends up in the back of the net. Every four years St George goes back up and people who still remember '66 are bought a pint, and for every we'll go out at the group stages there's an underlying thread of god help me, we might win this yet, because what is hope if not alive?

Come on England. The cup awaits you and is yours.

sekrit yuletide fic

In his dreams he doesn't leave. Salvador Iglesias Sr. doesn't die and Chava doesn't become a dickhead. He keeps the number on his back and the band around his arm. He doesn't cheat on Ximena, but he tells her, and they part as best friends. In his dreams they win the championship. And again the next year, and again the one after that. Each time Potro scores the winning goal and Moi runs to him to celebrate and Potro kisses him for the whole world to see, over and over, until their lips are numb and all they know are themselves.

summer sang in me a little while

Why are you still here? you ask him. It is easier that way. He turns to you, dark circles under his eyes, and doesn't reply. Only reaches over to tangle his calloused fingers in your hair, rests his forehead against yours.  This time you are the one who leans forward to kiss him, immersing yourself in the warmth of his skin. You taste his blood. You taste the salt and iron of his blood.

the wonder of my world

What makes a club? Love, belief, hope - and someone to attach it to, the player everyone grows up watching, whose name is instantly recognisable to the point that you don't have to mention who he plays for next. Who pours his soul into the game and hammers his heart onto the crest. You don't get that kind of player very often. United were lucky to have three.

So here. The last musketeer. He's not looking at the crowd anymore, just the middle distance. Still the thousands sing. Love, belief, hope, and memories. Ryan might never run again but Paul realises that it doesn't matter. It's that he's already run. And in a hundred years from now someone might pull up a grainy youtube video and watch the number eleven on the left wing and fall in love, all over again. The way he was meant to be loved. Ball at his feet. Red.

an die nachgeborenen

"I don't need a plan," Thomas says, like he's talking to a child. "That's the beauty of it. All I have to do is wait and see what happens. It's only – " he smiles again, wan, quiet. "Well. You know."

The refrain arcs, jagged, through Philipp's head.

"I promised you wouldn't die."

"I won't." Thomas stands up, leaves a hand on Philipp's shoulder. His palm is still warm. "I'm invincible, didn't I tell you?"

And with a single, chipper whistling note, he hits the exit button and slips out, the door closing immediately behind him with a gentle click .

Fic Goals for 2018:

i wna write gifts that people will like :> aka MORE NICHE BULLSHIT