#always makes me happy when I ger asks about my characters! <3

[cajunfoxnight]

Does Gambit try to be a lap dog?

Haha oohhh yeah! Especially when he was still a Growlithe. Sure he had a whole bed he could be laying on, but making himself inconvenient was so much more comfortable. Gus learned to just work around him.

However once he evolved, he understood that he could easily hurt Gus, even if he was just being playful, so no more mindless flopping. Instead he found he didnt mind being the pillow instead.

[koolkat9]

2, 4, 20!

Fun meta asks for writers

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I have a fic planned with the idea that Gil is Ludwig's dad and him panicking over it and wishing Germania was there to guide him. We don't have enough good dad Germania which is a shame because according to canon he really loves his family.

---

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

Oh gosh let's see...

"The icy caverns that were once Matthew’s eyes burned bright and hot like blue stars. He was no longer that little boy in the bush, and he was no longer that young dominion that needed Arthur to fall back on. He was Canada, wild and rugged, a force to be reckoned with. What Arthur had always wanted him to be. But now, he just hoped that sweet little boy was still in there somewhere. "

-Time Ticks Away

One, I really liked the simile I used. Blue stars are actually the hottest and brightest stars in the galaxy so very fitting for Matthew's rage induced blue eyes (my astronomy class was good for something).

Two, I just love how the dynamic turned out here. Up until this point, Arthur has only known Matthew as a quiet, anxious little boy. But he's grown, and he's angry and his strength is on full display. Arthur had always worried that Matthew was too sensitive, that he needed to teach Matthew hide that all away like how he was forced to as a child. He wanted Matthew to be strong, to be a fighter, to be tough as nails. And in the trenches of WWI Matthew has finally embraced those qualities. But looking at his son, angry, vengeful, hungry for blood makes Arthur feel sick. And this line gives me chills. We always don't know what we have until it's gone (or think it's gone).

---

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

I never include symbolism or hidden references or callbacks. At least not on purpose most of the time. But I will ramble about my fic Ludwig.

The barebones of this fic have been in my mind since I started shipping GerEng three years ago. I only ever seen the whole Germany = HRE debacle through a primarily Ger//Ita lens (I was lucky if I got some exploration of what that means for the german bros on the side). So when I got into GerEng, I wondered what it would mean if GerIta wasn't together. ''

I also started liking the idea of Ger//Ita where Feli just loves Ludwig because Lud looks like HRE or was HRE. I say "was" because I like to imagine Ludwig as his own character even when working in the realm of the Germany = HRE. Regardless of what version of a theory I'm going off with (they are exactly the same or they're separate souls that share the same body) there is a distance between Ludwig and HRE. Ludwig has become his own person and his past as HRE doesn't feel like it's completely his own.

Anyway, GerEng Week rolls around almost 3 years later with a prompt absolutely perfect for these two ideas. It turned into more of an introspective of Ludwig's conflict with his identity. But I really love how the dynamics turned out.

I've loved the idea of toxic Ger//Ita for a few years now, but I'm terrible at making these characters bad people so I never really got to write it. But here, Ger//Ita becomes toxic because Feli is projecting his feelings for HRE onto Ludwig who is no longer the same boy Feli remembers. Not to mention how he's in a vulnerable state, head over heels for Feli and willing to compromise himself to make Feli happy. They don't mean for it to get toxic, but it does. Ludwig realizes this eventually, that he's losing himself, that Feli doesn't actually love him. He also realizes his feelings for Feli had gone out decades ago, only reignited in this one moment where he thought he could connect his present and past self. And Feli knew deep down for awhile that what he was doing wasn't right. And his revelation and apology is one of my favourite things I've ever written. "It’s clear your heart doesn’t belong to me and I’m sorry for feeling entitled to it because of the past" gets me every time.

And Arthur, being one of the only relationships Ludwig has where the other party wasn't so close to HRE. Unlike the others, he isn't blinded by the happiness of being reunited and sees Ludwig struggle. He becomes one of the only people Ludwig feels comfortable talking to to let it all out. Arthur becomes the one to pull him out of the role he put himself into to try to appease others. Because he loves Ludwig for Ludwig. Not for who he used to be. The romance may have been a little rushed at the end and I wish I made reference to Ludwig's crush on Arthur earlier in the fic, but I think it's sweet. Arthur had to pull Ludwig out of a funk once before and he did again proving he'd be someone Ludwig could count on.

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 7

Chapters: 7/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]

They are absolutely trashing Martin's bathroom, but he can't bring himself to mind. Not even if it costs him the security deposit on his ridiculous, tiny flat.

Gerry is sitting in the empty bathtub, stripped to his briefs, laughing so hard that tears roll down his checks, tracking black eyeliner with them, and Jon is sitting on the edge of the tub and trying to keep track of which pieces of hair have been dyed while Gerry refuses to keep his head still. Martin is sitting on the floor next to them and holding the bowls of varying shades of purple dye.

The dye itself is flying everywhere, between four hands attempting to apply it and Gerry's apparent inability to keep stationary and stop laughing for even one second.

"Gerry! Keep still," Jon yells in his best teacher voice. His imperious tone is demanding, but the grin on his face rather undercuts it.

"Can't," Gerry insists, pulling his head down (with dye covered hands) to press their lips together. The kiss is sweet, but Jon doesn't appreciate all the new places it covers him in hair dye.

"Gerry, it might all go more smoothly if you just let Jon and I do it for you." Martin advises him.

Gerry pouts, "Letting the men in my life just do things without my participation wouldn't be a very 'strong independent woman' move on my part."

"You're not a woman," Jon points out drolly, "Besides, what does that say about me, with the way you two are always arranging to pay for everything we do and everywhere we go?"

"It says you have two incredibly attractive men who like to do nice things for you." Martin tells him firmly, as he always does when the topic arises. They all hear Jon's eyes roll.

"Gerry," Martin starts in the voice he knows gets just the right response from him. "Stop being a brat and. Sit. Still."

Gerry sits still. Martin kisses him to inspire continued good behavior, and Gerry's teal eyes practically glow in a way that fills Martin with supreme satisfaction.

With their target stationary, Martin and Jon make quick work of Gerry's remaining hair.

He is ordered to stay put in the bathtub while it sits, and Martin starts cleaning up the bathroom. Jon heads into the shower to avoid being dyed in a plethora of bizarre places.

Martin goes to return the dye to Gerry's hair product box, and pauses with his hand in it.

Gerry, sensing Martin's distraction, jumps up to go over and stand behind him. Martin settles back into the warmth of his chest, and Gerry's arms snake around him.

"You would look very fetching in that colour," Gerry whispers enticingly in Martin's ear.

"You think?" Martin murmurs back, eyebrows rising in consideration.

"Yes," he replies, leaning forward to bite Martin's ear lightly. "Please."

"Whatever might you two be consorting about over there," Jon demands cheerily, emerging from the shower wrapped in his towel.

"Martin was just about to agree to become the next hair dying victim." Gerry informs him confidently, snaking an arm around Jon's shoulders and bringing him in close so he too can see the bottle sitting in Martin's hand.

"Oh." Jon says in a reverent sort of voice. "Yes, I think that's a very good idea indeed."

***

Martin sits still much better than Gerry did, and Gerry does his hair himself, Jon having already rid himself of persistent stains and wandered off to make something for lunch.

Gerry pushes Martin in front of a mirror (not Martin’s favourite pastime, but for Gerry, he suffers it) and they both look at him. Gerry grins. “It’ll look better in the end obviously, but what do you think, love?”

“I like it, actually.” Martin whispers, like a confession.

“Actually? I expect more self-confidence than that from my masterpieces, babe.” They laugh and sway together in front of the mirror.

“I love it, thank you.” Martin turns in Gerry’s arms and they kiss slowly and thoroughly.

Martin presses his hands along Gerry’s bare sides and up along his spine, where he knows a line of eyes is inked along each vertebrae.

Gerry keeps his hands on Martin’s chest, in an effort to keep their respective hair dye where it belongs, although his hands cling to Martin's shoulders and push and pull in response to their movements.

“Really you two? I leave you alone for 5 minutes and you’re both half naked and making out?” Jon interrupts them from the doorway, his words soft and appreciative.

“We could be even more naked, if you're interested in that?” Gerry offers, winking at him.

“Could we?” Martin asks, apparently just wondering out loud.

Gerry raises a suggestive eyebrow at him. “We definitely could be.” Gerry smirks, "You are familiar with how nudity works, yes?" He illustrates his point by pulling at the waistband of Martin's briefs and letting them snap back into his hip.

"Yes, I am familiar." Martin growls into his mouth, biting his lip for good measure. "Care to join, Jon?"

"Maybe when there's less hair dye on the table, so to speak. Ger, your timer went off, you'd better jump into the shower and wash off."

"Yes, sir." Gerry pecks Martin one last time, salutes Jon and strips off to hop into the shower.

Martin flushes at his casual nudity, and a heavy look passes between him and Jon.

Taken with Martin's pink laden head, Jon can't resist going over and pressing just one kiss to Martin's soft lips.

**

Later, when the bathroom is clean and everyone has washed, dry hair, they all pile around Martin's sitting room, a documentary playing softly in the background. Martin's new soft pink hair looks even better dry and Jon had whispered to Gerry conspiratorially that it reminded him of Martin's sweet early morning blush.

Martin is braiding Gerry's now wildly purple hair, and Gerry has convinced a reluctant Jon to let him paint his nails.

"We really shouldn't." Jon protests, even as Gerry paints on the base coat. His own nails are painted black, of course. His artist's eye appreciates Jon's neat, smooth nails, and he considers what kind of tiny designs he might be able to sneak onto them at some point.

"Why not? I used to paint your nails all the time when we were younger. That's where I got most of my early practice."

"I'm not a teenager anymore, Gerard. I have a professional job!" Jon complains, but Gerry knows these are only nerves, not lack of desire.

"Oooh, Gerard!" Martin coos, before tumbling into a laugh. "There's nothing in the dress code that says you can't have painted nails, Jon. And we all know you like having them done."

"That's meant for women, and you know it, Martin." Jon protests.

Gerry and Martin both stop their tasks abruptly to stare at him. "Jon, babe," Gerry can barely contain himself. "You are wearing a skirt. Martin has pink hair. I'm getting my absurdly long hair braided - into pigtails. I don't think any of us are exactly paragons of toxic masculine stereotypes."

"Besides," Martin adds, when he can speak calmly without tumbling into hysterical laughter, "there's no gender specific dress code at the library. All it says is 'If nails are painted, they must be neat and unchipped.'"

Jon looks askance at both of them, crossing his skirt clad legs primly.

"Come on," Gerry encourages gently, "It's just this one time. If you don't like it, we can take it off before you go to work on Monday morning. Or while you're at work on Monday. Or in an hour. Or anytime at all. It's just one small adventure."

"I know it's been a while, love." Martin pitches in, "But, don't worry, Gerry will be gentle."

Jon ends up with green nails, which he likes very much. Gerry is enamored with his braids, and begs Martin to teach him to do it himself. Martin is simply delighted to have a house full of laughter and colour for the first time in his life.

[bjnurse]

A Life With Imperatore

I wanted to give Diavolo lovers/fuckers a happier ending. <3 I hope this helps soothe any broken hearts. This is part 1 of 2 (maybe 3?). [Please excuse my poor theory behind GER.]

Read this on A03 here!

Reader x Diavolo 

------

The screen before you shows a happy ending. The good guys won and Italy is safely in the hands of Giorno and Mista. You turn off the TV, but that ending didn’t leave you feeling happy. You’re filled with anxiety and dread over the way your favorite died… is still dying? Constantly? It’s heart-wrenching to see your favorite character die, but to see it in multiples is torture. 

“Thanks, Araki!” you sarcastically mutter as you walk into the kitchen for a snack. 

You glance out of the window to the back yard and see someone laying face down in the grass. Your heart pounds, flooding your veins with panic. Not because how the fuck did someone get into my back yard? But because you recognize him. Purple pants, pink spotted hair, and the tattoos on his arms that’s...

“What the actual fuck?” A cosplayer snuck into your backyard?

Before venturing outside, you grab the bat that you keep by the front door for self defense. Luckily, it’s never been used like that. 

You call out to the man but there’s no response. Nudging him with the bat warrants no response. You can’t help but to look at the muscular body before you and feel something… He does look like your husbando after all. Bending down, you turn him onto his back. You let out a shriek when he’s on his back and you see he looks exactly like Diavolo… You study the person before you. He’s breathing even if barely. 

Just leaving him out here isn’t an option. After thinking for a minute, you run inside of the house and grab a spare comforter. Once back outside, you lay it out next to him. “Sorry.” You plead as you roll him back onto his front onto the comforter then roll him over one more time so he’s in the center of it. With all your might (thank god you recently started going to the gym again), you drag him into the house. Once in the living room, you collapse, sitting next to him and catch your breath. You keep the bat close by you just in case. 

A bit of pink hair is out of place so you reach to move it, as you brush the strand from his forehead, you chuckle to yourself. The popular phrase comes to mind “kono Diavolo da” because after all “this is Diavolo!” You stop yourself… is it though? Is it really? 

As you stand to get a bottle of water, you think of how Gold Experience Requiem works as you understand it… If Gold Experience Requiem prevents Diavolo from reaching his end it could be taking him to alternate universes at each moment of death. That though sends a pang to your heart- all of his deaths. You take a bottle of water from the fridge. Thinking better of it, you grab an extra one. 

You sit down next to the man on the floor. If there is an infinite number of alternate universes then Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure is as real as our universe. If our perception of that universe as an anime or manga is two dimensional then maybe bringing Diavolo into our three dimensional universe breaks Gold Experience Requiem’s loop? It barely makes sense in your head but it’s all you can come up with if this in fact is Diavolo.

Looking at the handsome man again. You swallow hard… how many times have you thought of kissing those lips… how many times have you thought of… you let your eyes trail down his body. You shudder at the inappropriate thought. You reach again to move hair from his face when his eyes flutter open. He starts breathing heavy, his brow furrows, his inhuman green eyes fix on you and he lets out a whimper. He curls into a defensive ball and starts babbling in Italian. 

Fuuuuuck! It is him, but he’s pretty fucked up. You know better than to try to touch him. 

“English?” You say, “do you speak English?” 

He doesn’t respond to you, he continues to babble. You hope he understands, “I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe here.” 

He looks at you through his hands, “Safe? Nowhere is safe.” He nearly pleads. His Italian accent is thick but you can understand him well enough. 

You want to tell him that you understand what he’s been through… but knowing Diavolo, that is the opposite of comforting. Instead, you sit with him. From what you have seen, death comes for him within minutes. If you can out wait that, maybe he’ll calm down. You can see his mind racing from the continuous torture that he’s been through. He’s exhausted and an absolute emotional mess. He needs time… which is ironic seeing how he’s always ran from time. 

You decide to take the same approach as you would a feral kitten- let them come to you. Stay calm, quiet and be patient. Placing the bottle of water in front of him, you assure him again that you won’t hurt him. You sit back and get out your phone. You open Spotify and find a Frank Sinatra playlist. That’s what a mob boss listens to right? Besides, you don’t want to freak him out with music from the future, but you try not to think about that. 

Absentmindedly, you softly sing some of the songs, as you sit and you wait. About the 5th song in, you see him relax. He moves his hands from his face and he looks at you, he studies you. 

You smile kindly. “Do you like this song? It’s one of my favorites.”  

Although you’re excited out of your mind that your favorite is in front of you, you play it cool as best you can. You drink from your bottle of water and gesture to his. Tentatively, he grabs for it, but he falls short. He tries again and reaches too far and knocks it over. He sits up and tries to take hold of it since it’s on the floor but he misses a few more times. You look at his face and don’t see a man. You see a boy who’s tired, scared and frustrated. You think of Doppio for a moment and feel another deep pain in your heart. You see tears starting to form in his eyes. In an instant the boy is gone and he looks at you with rage in his eyes, as he furiously yells at you in Italian. Although you can’t understand, you assume he’s accusing you of something with the way he’s gesturing. You look at him and put your hands up. “English please, Signore.” 

He blinks at the title and starts over, he takes a moment to recall what he’s learned. His thick accent only makes his voice even more alluring. “What have you done to me?” 

You chose your words carefully and try to speak clearly, “I haven’t done anything to you. I found you outside, you were passed out and I brought you into my house.” 

Diavolo looks at you unbelieving but not untrusting. He looks around at his surroundings then back at you. He tries again for the bottle of water and grasps it. Holding the bottle in front of him, you can see how shaky his hands are. It takes a few attempts, but he manages to get the cap off. He looks at you then back to the bottle as he tries to drink from it. His shaky hand stops short and he spills water onto his lap. He hisses something under his breath in Italian and you assume it’s a swear. 

You fetch a towel for him to clean up with. You reach out to hand it to him and he can’t quite seem to grab it from you. Instead, you take hold of his hand and put it into his palm. He clumsily dabs at himself while you go to the kitchen and return with a straw. Taking hold of the hand with the water bottle, you place the straw in it then sit down a few feet in front of him. 

Awkwardly, you start some small talk. Since you know he’s so uptight about giving details about himself, you tell him about yourself. You try to earn his trust by trusting in him. After an hour of sitting on the floor and talking your stomach grumbles. 

“I’m getting hungry, would you like to eat something?” You ask as you stand. Who knows how long it’s been since the last time the poor guy ate! 

He just nods and attempts to stand. He nearly falls over, but you catch him and help him to his feet. 

“Do you want to just stay here?” The concern is obvious in your voice, but you don’t try to hide it from him either.

Diavolo actually seems to blush, “I don’t want to be alone.” With his arm around your neck and you’re arm around his waist, you help him into a chair at the kitchen table. You place a new water bottle in front of him, but this time you put a straw in it right away to make things easier for him. 

Your one sided conversation picks up again, but he’s more attentive this time and asks questions and comments. Once dinner is ready, you sit a plate and utensils in front of him. He has the same struggle with his fork and his food that he had earlier. 

Without asking, you sit next to him and cut his food and offer it to him. You know if you offered to help like this, he would just turn you down. He’s a proud man who’s had his ego nearly demolished. He accepts your actions and eats with your assistance. You talk more and you can see by the time he asks for seconds that he’s feeling better. 

When you’re both done eating, you place the dishes in the sink. Right now, Diavolo is your concern, you can worry about dirty dishes later. You help your guest to the couch and you sit and talk with him more. The more you talk the more he opens up. By now, he shares little stories or small pieces of his life. You both lose track of time and it’s late before you know it. 

Diavolo said he’d sleep on the couch, but you insist he sleeps in the bed with you. You can tell by the dejected way he made the offered that he honestly does not want to be alone. This is made even more apparent by his insistence to accompany you to make sure all the doors and windows are closed for the night. There’s that Diavolo paranoia that you know so well. 

You help him to sit on the bed. Rummaging through your drawers, you find something comfortable he can sleep in. An ex boyfriend's t-shirt and basketball shorts is all you can manage. You place the items next to him and remove yourself to the bathroom to change yourself. 

Upon returning, Diavolo sits on the bed, shorts/t-shirt in hand with a dejected, pleading look on his face. Getting his bearings here is really straining on him. He went from being an Imperatore in his own eyes to being unable to dress himself or even feed himself. He doesn’t even need to ask for your help. You won’t put him through that. You know there’s nothing wrong with needing help, but if he asked for it, it would be another blow to his already shattered ego. 

With a kind smile, you take the shorts from him. You stay as focused and as platonic as possible as you unbutton his pants. Pull them off of his hips and down his legs, you can feel your face hot as you’re probably blushing against your will. You remove his shoes, pants, and help him step into the shorts. You look up at him as you pull the shorts onto him and he’s blushing as much as you are. You see shame in his eyes. Once so proud, he hates having someone take care of him like this. Once so proud, he hates having someone take care of him, especially like this. In his adult life, he had acquired an incredible social status and influence. He had worked so hard to build his life, but that is all gone now. 

With the shorts pulled up to his thighs, you help him stand and you put them over his hips. Once he’s seated again, you put the shirt on him and adjust the shoulders to sit properly on his muscular form. Your hands rest here and you smile shyly at him. He looks up at you with gratitude tinted with shame. 

You swallow hard and tell him, “It’s alright. I’m going to take care of you. I’ll make sure you’re okay.” You help him into bed. Turning off the light, you hear Diavolo gasp at the darkness. You flip the light on again. “Are you ok?”

“Yes.” he says automatically, but you realize, he’s probably seen a lot of “darkness” lately. Turning on the bathroom light and closing the door over seems like a good enough compromise. A small beam of light streams into the bedroom and Diavolo is calmed enough. 

Walk to the other side of the bed, you get in. You can’t help but feel your heart pound in your chest having this handsome man so close to you in your bed. You smile to yourself but you know nothing can come of it. He’s far too delicate at the moment. You lay there trying to calm the thoughts in your mind to welcome sleep when Diavolo speaks up. 

“Cara?” 

“Hmmm?” You reply sleepily. Turning to him, you see he’s sitting up and looking at you. His green eyes seem to glow in the dim light. 

“Is this okay?” He gently moves your arm as he lays against you with his head on your chest. 

“Of course!” You reply trying not to sound excited. You try to will the pounding in your heart to soften but you know it’s no good. 

He rests his arm around your waist and your hand meets his bicep and you let your thumb rub circles into it. 

“I’m sorry. I just feel so alone.” As he speaks these words, your thoughts go to precious Doppio and that sting of pain stabs your heart again. You hold back the tears that want to weld up in your eyes. 

Trying to keep the shakiness from your voice, you reply, “Don’t worry. You’re not alone.”

[seriouslycromulent]

Hobbs & Shaw review (Yeah, this is going to be long)

The Preamble (feel free to skip)

I was on the fence about going to see the new Fast & Furious spinoff, Hobbs & Shaw. Why? Because I’m a legit fan of the F&F franchise, and I was none too happy about the fact that Vin Diesel invited Dwayne to be a part of the franchise as they were friends at the time, but Dwayne’s fans -- mostly denizens of The Rock who think he can do no wrong -- preceded to treat Vin like he was second fiddle to Dwayne ever since Fast Five. Dwayne, then over the course of 3 films, preceded to get the big(ger) head and show his ass on the set of the last film, and usurped Vin’s franchise right out from under him. 

What pissed me off more than that was the fact that after Dwayne and Vin got into it, the public not knowing any details or verification on what specifically happened on the set, decided to automatically take Dwayne’s side because ... “Hey! He’s the Rock and we like it when he plays characters that are only a slight variation on his persona when he wrestled full time in the WWE.”  There was no concern for right or wrong. No desire to ask both of these Alpha males to put their egos aside. No inclination to actually wait and learn about what really went down. No, the general public has since decided to brand Vin Diesel a joke with no acting skill or talent to speak of. 

Gone was Vin’s reputation as a scriptwriter, a producer and as a man who helped reinvent this franchise to turn it into something beyond simple street racing and a small found family making it happen in a hostile world. Honest Movie Trailers mocked Vin for taking the franchise seriously and actually putting time, love and effort into making sure each film had heart, not just great action scenes that defy the laws of physics and common sense. 

Dwayne has become a better actor than he was 15 years ago. I can name about 4 or 5 movies where his performance is pretty good. But Vin was always a good actor. Not great. But definitely stronger than he was given credit for once people started associating him with nothing but action films. On top of that, he was a writer and he knew how to create an environment that people of disparate personalities loved working together and being a part of the franchise. 

Flash forward to Hobbs & Shaw. There are no members of any of the F&F’s previous films in this movie. Tyrese called out Dwayne on social media for being selfish and greedy, because all of the other cast members were offered spinoffs too. But they turned them down because they wanted to work as a team. That’s how much the franchise means to them. Dwayne clearly had no sense of that loyalty, and obviously his biggest fans don’t have any expectations of him to have any either.

I’m still a fan of Dwayne Johnson, but not as much as I used to be, say 6 or 7 years ago. I still think he’s an immensely generous person when it comes to his fans, and he is a hell of an entertainer. But this situation involving Hobbs & Shaw, combined with some of his comments and behavior regarding sociopolitical events taking place in America over the last 5 years have reminded me that he is not without flaws, and should not be regarded as if he is above impunity. 

So Then What Happened?

Despite my misgivings about how the Hobbs & Shaw spinoff came about, I finally decided to go see it at the last minute for a few reasons:

I’ve had a particularly hard week and I needed to do something to blow off some steam.

I’m a huge fan of Jason Statham. I mean huge. I’m an action film fan in general, but Jason is one of my favorites in the genre. And it takes a lot of negatives to make me not go see one of his films. 

I adore Helen Mirren. Even if I knew her part would be small, I also knew I would love seeing her play off of Jason again. Their scene together in Fate of the Furious/Furious 8 was the highlight of the film for me (followed by the brief return of Luke Evans). 

I like Idris Elba. And he’s proven that whether playing a good guy or bad guy, he goes all in. Plus, I like him best as a bad guy.

I like Roman Reigns, and I wanted to be supportive of his first time on the silver screen.

So there it is. I’m a woman of integrity, but apparently, my integrity fades at the thought of actors I like getting to share a screen together. Feel free to judge me.

Now ... to the review

Hobbs & Shaw is exactly what you expect it to be. It doesn’t feel like it’s a part of the Fast & Furious franchise at all, but maybe that’s intentional. I think at the end of the day, audiences expect a F&F film to involve a cohesive, diverse team and something happening that changes your perspective about what you thought was going to happen. At least that’s been the franchise's m.o. since the fourth movie. 

But Hobbs & Shaw keeps a lot of the other elements of the F&F franchise alive. Namely, a solid mix of comedy and action, at least one woman who makes you feel both inspired and afraid, and just a lot of action sequences that test the suspension of disbelief. Oh yeah, and at least one kickass car chase. And that’s exactly what we get, plus a little more.

Here’s what I think worked, what didn’t, and what I loved (Warning: spoilers below):

What Worked For Me

Hobbs & Shaw is first and foremost an action film, but keeping with the Fast & Furious theme of family, the heart of the film takes us back to the connection and power of family. Unlike the original series, where family was defined as the people you find along the way, Hobbs & Shaw is more about bloodline and reconnecting with estranged family. For Hobbs, his family in Samoa. For Shaw, his relationship with his sister, Hattie, who believed that he had betrayed his country and his brothers- and sisters-in-arms. I’m glad they kept that aspect in, even though I liked the F&F’s original theme a little better.

I don’t know if it’s fair to call them cameos because they have more than one scene in the film, but the addition of Ryan Reynolds and Kevin Hart was a great move. Both are in the film long enough, but not too long. And each are given enough room to deliver what they do best.

The opening sequence showing Hobbs and Shaw starting their day is the perfect introduction to this spinoff. I loved the juxtaposition. If I had to choose a preferred lifestyle, I’d go with Shaw’s routine, but in sunny California.

Ryan Reynolds’ character’s name is Locke. I see what you did there. ;-)

Mama Hobbs throwing her flip flop at Cliff Curtis and hitting him in the face. What is it about brown mamas whipping shoes at their kids? LOL!

What Didn’t Work For Me

Was Brixton’s ambush of the CIA black site (which didn’t look too black to me) and kidnapping Hattie by running down the face of the building really the most efficient plan and escape? He literally picks her up, carries her on his shoulders, and runs down (with harness attached) the face of the building. It just seemed like it provided way too much of an opportunity for Hobbs & Shaw to catch up to him and for them to get her back. I love a great action sequence, but this one really makes the villain look impractical and hella extra.

Soooooooo, when Hattie is hooked up to the device to extract the virus capsules from her blood, the countdown shows it’s going to take 30 minutes. At that time, it’s dark outside and Brixton hasn’t arrived to start the final showdown. Fast forward to Brixton’s men driving up, The Rock doing that slow-mo walk out to meet them with no shirt on (gulp), and the other usos doing the Siva Tau while Brixton’s men realize their guns don’t work. Then the fighting starts. The sun starts to rise, and everyone is kicking ass and taking names. We see Hattie fighting 2 of the bad guys before Shaw shows up to help. At this point, the countdown on the device says she has 21 minutes to go. We’re supposed to believe that everything that just happened between the device starting the extraction, Brixton showing up, the Siva Tau before the fight, and the sun rising high enough for us to see Roman Reigns fighting alongside The Rock only took 9 minutes? ... Yep. Why? F&F Laws of Physics.™

I stayed until the credits finished -- if you do, you’ll see why -- and I was a little disappointed that they used the Hawaiian island of Kaua’i as a stand-in for Samoa. I imagine it might’ve been easier to get permits to shoot in Hawaii, but a part of me feels like it’s a major missed opportunity to not shoot the Samoan scenes in actual Samoa. 

Soooooooo, we’re supposed to believe that Roman Reigns (or any human being) could just land 2 large metal hooks on to the front joint axles of a truck speeding along in a life-threatening pace while he’s standing on the back of another truck racing ahead of it in one easy throw? ... Yep. Why? F&F Laws of Probability.™

Sure, Deckard Shaw was framed when he didn’t join Etion’s cabal of world domination, but again, he still killed Han. And at no point do we see him held accountable for that in Furious 8 or in this film. And there’s no allusion of him doing anything to atone for it in between the films. I adore Statham, but in the end, Deckard is still not a good guy in this franchise until he says or does something to address that terrible act other than “You guys put my brother in the hospital clinging for his life after some psycho made him do terrible things that killed a lot of people.” This detail still doesn’t sit well with me.

Soooooooo, we’re supposed to believe that the key to defeating this super soldier Brixton is by having Shaw and Hobbs work together. But didn’t the MI-6 officers that Brixton takes down in the beginning of the film work together? Were their team as petty as Hobbs & Shaw and failed to work together like a cohesive unit when fighting an enemy on a mission? I highly doubt that. The concept at the end is lovely and signifies growth in our leads’ relationship with one another, but it doesn’t quite hold mustard if you consider that the other teams of people Brixton’s battled throughout the film are plenty cohesive and get killed quickly.

I kind of wish The Usos (Jimmy and Jey) were in this film too. :-( That would have made it even more special given Dwayne used to work with their dad, Junior (aka Rikishi), in the WWE at the same time.

Sooooooooo, we’re supposed to believe Hobbs -- a non-genetically enhanced man -- can grab a huge chain with his bare hands that is connected to a helicopter and pull it close enough to wrap it back around a pulley system and keep that helicopter steady? ... Yep. Why? F&F Laws of Human Anatomy.™

What I Loved 

All things Helen Mirren. Seriously, I would watch a movie just about the Shaw family. The mum, the sister, the brother and Deckard. This film didn’t have enough Helen Mirren, but every scene she was in was a delight.

That little wink and nod to the audience when Shaw, while walking Hobbs and Hattie through his hidden lair, makes a reference to driving a Mini Cooper for “a little job he did in Italy.” I see what you did there. ;-)

Any scene with Jason Statham behind the wheel tearing up the streets of a city in the most impossible manner will always be gold. Always. Be. Gold. And that slide underneath the 2 semis by the car, and later, by the motorcycle, made my stomach clench so hard I think I might’ve pulled something.

Anytime Locke refers to his relationship with Hobbs as being close friends or family. Ryan Reynolds is absurd. Never change.

The entire conversation between Shaw and Hobbs on the plane. All of it. All. Of. It. It’s the funniest scene in the entire film. And a great callback to the display of chemistry they had together in Furious 8. 

Using a society’s history, where they did a helluva lot of damage without high tech weapons, to take on an enemy with high tech weapons, who without those weapons, couldn’t hold their own quite as easily, was a beautiful moment and ... great social commentary on the history of colonialism. (::cough::)

Cliff Curtis. He so rarely gets to play a character of Pacifika descent in American films. I’m happy this movie gave him a chance to do so.

Even though this is a part of their conversation on the plane which I already mentioned was awesome, I loved it when Hobbs reminds Shaw that this is not 1955, and he needs to relax about the idea of Hobbs making a play for Shaw’s sister. If she wants to climb that mountain, he’s going to let her climb it. LOL! It’s her decision, not her brother’s.

Roman Reigns getting to spear someone! Even though the camera cuts off the full beauty of it by switching to another angle 2/3 of the way through. I don’t care what anyone says, Joe Anoa’i’s spear is a work of art. (::phrasing::)

Hattie escaping from the virus extraction room’s chair and taking down her guards without any help made me want to stand up and cheer. You go, mama!

OK. That’s all I can think of for now. But given how long this post is, I’m sure anyone still reading at this point would say that’s more than enough.

With that in mind, if you haven’t seen Hobbs & Shaw yet, or you did, but you left before the credits finished, I wanted to let you know that there are 3 -- yes, count ‘em 3 -- scenes in the credits. 

The first is a scene with Ryan Reynolds, the second is one with Shaw & Hobbs, and the third, which comes at the very end, is another scene with Ryan Reynolds.

Enjoy!

[jon-astronaut]

Prompt: Matteo coming out to Jonas

Hi!! Thanks for being my first prompt. I loved writing this because I love these two!! I kinda based it on Original Skam and Skam Italia but had my take on it. I used a lot of inner thoughts because I’m always curious about what the characters are thinking! Hope you’ll like it!!

(btw I had to make up a name for Ger!Even…)

Send in any requests or prompts about Druck, Original Skam or Skam Italia!!

You can read on AO3 too.

Count On Me

Matteo lit up a cigarette and started to walk through the school. He had just finished an exam and truth to be told he didn’t do very well. Considering that he didn’t study for it, that was expected. He knew they were important but there was so much going on in his life and his mind and frankly he didn’t have the energy to study.

First, he didn’t know where he stood with the boy who stole his heart at the first glance. He never had anything with a guy before so that was all confusing. Also turns out the boy was playing with him, he still had a girlfriend. Then, to top it all he had a fight with the boys. He last talked to them 3 days ago, on the day of the fight. They were taking the exams too so he would see them in passing but he always changed his way before anyone could say anything.

That morning he was sitting alone out on the bench when Jonas approached him and asked how he was doing. Not talking to Jonas was the worst of all because he was such a constant part of Matteo’s life. He gave Jonas short answers and when Jonas asked if he wanted to have coffee before the exam he refused saying he had to study (which was a lie). The truth was he didn’t know what to say to Jonas. Should he just tell everything, apologize for the fight, make up a lie (again)?

But now, when he was the one to saw Jonas sitting on the bench by himself he couldn’t help but walk over there and ask if he wanted to hang. He had some new friends this year like Amira but he still needed Jonas in his life. After all, Jonas was always there. He sat next to Jonas and handed him a cigarette that he had just rolled. Jonas looked up smiled a little and grabbed it. He asked while lighting it:“How did it go?”

Matteo shook his head:

“Bad. Yours?”

“Could’ve been better.”

They sat in silence for a while while before Jonas talked again trying to cut the tension between them and trying to get Matteo to open up:

“I’m almost thinking being high half of this year was a bad idea.”

Jonas had a smile and Matteo laughed a little while mumbling a couple of “Yeah.”s. Then he gulped and asked to Jonas hoping for a positive answer:“How about we have the coffee you asked for earlier now?”

Jonas took a puff of his cigarette and smiled again. He didn’t get Matteo lately and normally he always got him. He had started to think something was wrong with him, that he didn’t give Matteo enough trust so that’s why he was avoiding him. So Jonas left things to its pace and instead of forcing him waited Matteo to come to him. He put his arms around Matteo’s shoulder and said:

“I’d love that, Luigi.”

They went to their favourite coffee shop and Jonas let Matteo order for him because “he was Italian and coffee was in his blood.” They took their coffees and walked along a little chatting about random stuff and exams before going to a park and sitting on a bench. As soon as they sat down Jonas rolled up another cigarette. Matteo watched him from the side but refused when Jonas offered him one too. When Jonas took the first puff Matteo looked at his coffee cup and started to talk:

“You know how I’ve been distant lately.”

“Oh you have I didn’t realize that, at all.” Jonas said with a side smirk. Matteo knew Jonas was trying to lighten things up but he was so nervous to even crack a little smile.

“It’s because of a person I like.” he said without looking at Jonas, he was looking down or around. Jonas just nodded realizing his ‘jokes’ weren’t really helping. Matteo added:

“Take a guess.”

“Emma?” It was the girl Matteo hang with a couple of times. To be honest, Jonas didn’t really think Matteo liked her very much but it was the first and easiest guess.

“No.” Matteo answered. “Keep guessing.”

Jonas thought for a few moments taking sips from his coffee. He thought of all the girls Matteo was close with and no one came to his mind. Matteo wasn’t close with any of them like that. He took another sip of his coffee and said:

“I don’t know Luigi. I guess I can’t read you anymore.”

Jonas tried to say the last sentence as a joke but he couldn’t mask the hurt in it. He used to know Matteo so well and now he didn’t understand anything. Matteo sensed that hurt but he didn’t want to outright say the name so he took one sip of his coffee too and again without looking at Jonas said:

“I’ll give you a hint.” He waited a couple of seconds before adding, “It’s not a girl.”

Everything came crushing down to Jonas with that sentence. His mind was going crazy connecting dots and cursing himself for not seeing this earlier. It really didn’t matter to Jonas who Matteo liked. He was finally relieved because it turns out nothing was wrong with him, their friendship or Matteo. It was just that Matteo was trying to make sense of things.

Matteo’s mind was going crazy too at that moment. He knew Jonas was a liberal, he knew Jonas was all for the ‘love is love’ thing but he was also there when Jonas made jokes like “That’s a gay song.”. He didn’t know whether Jonas would like him, whether Jonas would flinch now when Matteo threw his arms around him. His heart was beating out of his chest when Jonas turned to him and said:

“Is it me?” Jonas just didn’t throw that out because Matteo came to him to talk. Connecting dots meant that thinking about Matteo’s lingering looks at him when he sang or the way that he always needed physical contact.

Matteo was half happy that Jonas didn’t poin the fact that it wasn’t a girl and half freaked out because it used to be Jonas and he kinda guessed it right. Matteo shook his head rapidly:

“No, no, no, no. Not you.”

Jonas put out his cigarette into the little metal box he carried. Then turned around to Matteo with the biggest smile ever:

“Am I really that disgusting to you Luigi? You are crushing me here.”

And with that Matteo knew everything would be okay. His best friend Jonas was smiling at him like before, joking around with him like before and in that joke he implied that it was okay, he could like whoever.

Jonas was rolling up another cigarette now (like everybody said smoking would be the end of him) and he was thinking of another alternative. He remembered a particular guy, that approached them in the library; a guy that made Matteo tense up. He took a puff of his newly rolled cigarette and asked:

“Is it that guy that brought back my scarf?” They shared clothes, it was their thing. Jonas had probably lent his scarf to Matteo because he was cold one day and forgot to ask it back. There was a %90 chance that he was wearing a piece of clothing that belonged to Matteo at the moment.

Matteo smiled at the fact that Jonas remembered because he noticed. Matteo slowly nodded and said:

“Yes.” Jonas handed his cigarette to Matteo and he took a puff too. It was like a glory cigarette, a celebration.

“What’s his name?”

“Oskar.”

“Well, your taste is good. He is very handsome.”

Matteo laughed, hard. “What?” he asked in the middle of his laughs.

“I’m just telling the truth and you don’t have to worry my type is more of red heads.”

Matteo was still laughing. It was the most he laughed in this week probably and it felt so good. Then Jonas asked:

“So, are you two dating or what?”

And Matteo was back to reality and to his heartbreak that led to all the mess with the boys.

“Not really. He still has a girlfriend.”

Without skipping a beat Jonas said: “He needs to break up with her.” Or he’ll get the best friend talk Jonas added in his mind.

Matteo smiled and nodded. Then sighed and said:

“I saw them kissing the other night when we went to the party. That’s why I was so angry, I yelled and pushed you. I’m sorry Jonas, really.”

Matteo meant that. He felt so bad the second the fight was over. Normally, he hated fights and he would always try to avoid conflict. He wasn’t a very loud and open person anyway. He couldn’t believe himself when he yelled like that. He thought he destroyed his friendships, that in one night he lost the boy he liked and his best friends.

Jonas put his arm around Matteo’s shoulder again and squeezed it.“Hey all is forgiven. Okay, little one?” He smiled softly and Matteo smiled back. 

It was okay, he was fine. No matter what happened with Oskar now he knew Jonas had his back, like always.