#alyce mayo

[columboscreens]

I know you're a Columbo blog and I'm not trying to stir shit up or to cancel a guy who's been dead for a decade (or cancel anyone else for liking him -- I like Peter Falk, I love Columbo, best TV detective ever), but anyway what do you think about the age gap between him and Shera, meeting her when he was around 45 and she was around 23?

not suggesting he was abusive or anything, and I'm aware she was awful later in his life. but I'm asking what your thoughts are on the age gap

it's a completely understandable question with what i believe to be a rather understandable answer.

i didn't know the guy personally. i respect him greatly as an actor, as an artist, and as an overall kind, intelligent, talented man. nearly everyone who interacted with him liked him on a personal level. i'm genuinely bummed that i'll never get to meet him.

but as columbo teaches us, there's often more than meets the eye, especially when it comes to celebrities. so, too, is the case with peter falk.

the short answer is this: if you want a red-hot acting career, a nightfly lifestyle where you hit the town with the boys all the time, and any semblance of a normal family life...you kind of have to choose only two of those. peter wanted a woman more in line with the choices he made--which is to say, a hot party girl half his age.

in my eyes, the age and power differences between peter and his second wife, shera danese, are worthy of the eyebrow raise you'd get from most people given those gaps. after all, he was 46 and she was 24. but frankly, at 24 your brain is just about fully grown. and though i can't claim to know, my gut doubts he was out to prey on her or exploit a power dynamic so much as he was trying desperately to reclaim his youth and maintain his carousing lifestyle with--you guessed it--a hot party girl half his age. tale as old as time.

if you want the long answer with more background and history, read on:

if you don't know it by now, by every account you can possibly read, and in a stark contrast to columbo's devotion to his wife, peter falk was an utterly incorrigible philanderer. i'm not here to judge, nor am i here to armchair the psychology of a guy who's been dead for over a decade, but he definitely had an intoxicating, interminable fixation on women that strongly impinged upon his family life. one account that i'd read implied that he'd been that way since high school; being as charming and attractive as he was, he certainly never suffered a shortage of women wanting to sleep with him. he was simply a man with a natural propensity towards that particular deadly sin, especially coupled with the strong, sometimes negative influences of friends john cassavetes and ben gazzara.

there's some hearsay about his behavior and various involvements with other women, but the fact of the matter is, peter met shera danese while filming mikey and nicky in philadelphia and kept her as a mistress--while very much still married to his first wife, alyce mayo.

peter met alyce at syracuse, dabbling in theatre while earning his master's and trying to find something to do with his life. a petite, dark-haired thing, alyce's bailiwicks were fashion, art, and music; she mainly worked behind the scenes costuming and would later go on to design high-end fabric patterns and teach piano. in this instance, she happened to be understudying as one of the sprites in a school performance of shakespeare's the tempest.

he was very attracted to her disposition, artistic skill, and free spirit, though he hadn't yet worked up the nerve to ask her out. but don't let me tell you, let peter:

so he was like "Haha Hell Yeah Up Mine" and in love they fell for nearly three decades.

the two were uniquely close in that they connected very well as friends aside from being romantically entwined. they traveled together, supported each other's careers, and he valued her judgement; even after their divorce, he continued to go to her for advice. it's probably part of why they stayed together for so long, trying desperately to make everything work, despite the numerous strains put on their marriage.

but even on their wedding day, alyce had doubts. it'd taken peter nine years of dating to propose to her, and that was due in part to pressure from his parents to grow up and settle down. he'd always enjoyed the company of other women and spending nights carousing with his buddies, and he was never quite as keen as she on the idea of raising a family.

they actually, in a rather impressive feat, seemed to make things work for them through the 50s and 60s as peter kickstarted his acting career. when he hopped around on various location shoots, oftentimes she was able to travel with him. he wasn't massively busy like he became in the late 60s-70s for obvious reasons. they didn't have kids. but even then alyce had made concessions and sacrifices--her career in nyc and his all over the place meant they had to work hard to keep things together.

alyce and peter tried for children, but she struggled greatly. by the early 70s, they'd adopted two girls, jackie and catherine. peter had always loved children, and very clearly loved his daughters, but it was equally clear that his family life suffered as a result of his lifestyle.

he continued traveling for work, though by that point alyce was unable to accompany him as easily because of the children, and as she well knew, he often fell prey to the various temptations that surrounded him. she felt trapped, and with the offer of stability that was columbo, the family settled in LA in a final attempt to spread roots.

unfortunately, the only thing that spread was the cracks in their marital foundation. gazzara and cassavetes, legendary as their friendship was, seemed to play a role in enabling peter's hedonistic behavior, bringing out night after night the boy who only longed to party and philander til dawn.

by 1973, while filming mikey and nicky in philadelphia, peter saw shera walking down the street, and that was that. she followed him to LA and remained his mistress until, despite attempts at reconciliation, alyce had finally had enough and kicked peter out of the house in '76. they divorced the same year, and peter and shera were married the very next.

but it wasn't long before peter's second marriage became even more turbulent than his first. as it turns out, it's awfully hard to teach an old dog new tricks. he'd continued his lifelong pattern of unfaithful behavior during his marriage to shera, except this time he wasn't as beholden to his family. he could never really figure out how to keep his hands to himself, by which she, as his long-term mistress, was somehow blindsided.

there was, too, the unforseen limitation of them not only being from two completely different generations, but also not being able to agree on literally anything. everything was a fight with them. most interviews and media you can find of the two of them poke fun at their constant discord, but it's always palpable.

for emphasis, in the columbo episode murder of a rock star, shera and peter got into one of their trademark massive fights and she stormed off the set, refused to finish her scenes, and left to go clothes shopping. when some of the crew went to retrieve her, she refused to return, so they had to rewrite and film the final scene around her. and if you've watched the episode, you can definitely tell.

when asked what the two had in common, they always said "we both like the color blue" as perhaps some sort of inside joke for not actually having much in common, but they were so well-known for their heated blowouts that they came to be known in hollywood as the "fighting falks". they upheld that namesake well: the two separated several times and attempted to divorce twice. they did, at the very least, remain married until his death.

so there you have it. aside from the fact that this relationship was an egregious display of infidelity, do i think the age gap was particularly healthy? were they well suited where it mattered most? did it fix peter falk's midlife crisis? i'm in no position to judge. draw your own conclusions from the information given.

was their relationship wrong simply by virtue of that gap? i don't think so.

[lieutenant-columbro]

peter falk and his wife alyce mayo at the 1962 oscars

[bcminutes]

2020 Minutes

Bishop’s Committee Minutes — 2-9-1020

For this meeting: Old Business

Deacon Dan opened with prayer.

Minutes were accepted.

Ron will clean vanities in the restrooms before the Braden Celebration. We will seek to replace them sometime thereafter.

Mary reports that no police report will be used to help with costs to replace railing destroyed by auto accident. We will pay for repairs since deductible is more than the cost of repair.

Mary is inquiring about the Bishop’s next visit.

Mary reports 65 boxes were given out for the Christmas program offered by St. George’s and St. Matthews. St. Alban didn’t contribute knitted items this year.

Mary reports that we continue to wait on Trustees and Council’s decision regarding the gym roof.

For this meeting: New Business

Mary reported on the 2020 budget and some revisions were made to it.

Anne Braden Celebration is scheduled for March 7.

Lisa says we will have an Urban League sponsored person to work for us. She and Pamela and decide on duties and select the person.

Vestry Assignments for 2020: Finance Chair (Bookkeeper) Bernadette, Treasurer: Eldra, Senior Warden: Mary, Minutes Keeper: Dan.

Lisa nominated Ron for Junior Warden and he was approved. She will check with Fred to see if there is any conflict with him in doing this.

Respectfully submitted,

Deacon Dan

Before the next meeting: See underlined sections above.

Bishop’s Committee Minutes. 7-16-2020

Attendees via teleconference: Valerie, Mary, Deacon Dan, Lisa, Donald, Ed, Bernadette, Carla, Ron, Karla, Pamela,

Old Business: Property Management

—A discussion ensued regarding money available for repairs. Valerie reported that a total of $67000 resides in the West Louisville Now fund. It is distinct from the $150000 sent to the diocese from the National Church. The reasons for the gift from the National Church are as follows: The Executive Council of the Episcopal Church has made a gift of $150,000 to the Diocese of Kentucky, to further our commitment to dismantle racist systems, building justice and peace for all.

Valerie suggested we get additional quotes from contractors other that Raoul, who has done work for us in the past. She stated that Bill Steeley of St. Matthews has offered to get involved as a contractor.

Donald stated he was suspicious of people wanting to get involved now that money is coming into our church. He wondered why they weren’t ready to help earlier. He and others suggested we might focus on using Raoul’s services, supplemented by genuine West End companies.

The discussion was tabled until our next meeting. The dilemma, as I understand it, seems to revolve around incorporating all those interested in supporting our renovation efforts while remaining true to those individuals who have been there for us during the difficult times or whose participation we want to include to stimulate West End development.

—Mary reports she is working on Mission Funding. The deadline for submission is July 31, 2020

New Business: Re-Opening

—St. George’s Mission Statement was mentioned. Mary said she would share it with Valerie and others as required.

—Valerie read the Bishop’s Reopening Statement. If it’s protocol can be followed we hope to reopen on August 2, 2020. Anyone not comfortable attending need not feel obligated to do so.

—Valerie is working on a grant the value of which is $10000. She would like for BC members to be thinking of good uses for the money that she can identify in the grant, which she must submit by August 15.

—Valerie hopes to begin making one-on-one contact with BC members in the near future. She can be reached at valerie@episcopalky.org.

The meeting was concluded with an Early Evening Devotion.

Bishop’s Committee Meeting 8-9-2020

Attendees: Valerie, Deacon Dan, Ed, Bernadette, Ron, Carla, Mary, Doris, Pamela, Karla, Jean

Old Business

Agenda—Agenda was accepted. Mary approved and Ed seconded her approval.

Gym Roof—A discussion took place in which it was proposed that work start on the gym roof since funds had been allocated and received in the amount needed to complete work. BC voted on and approved the start of work. Ed made the motion and Mary seconded it. No negative votes were made.

Technology Grant—Valerie outlined the grant she is writing. BC agreed to going forward on it and including OMS in it.

Deep Cleaning of Church—Tabled for the time being.

New Business

Assessment—Mary said our church assessment will be less next year, 283.91. This represents 13% of our budget as per diocesan rule expectations.

Training—BC voted for training opportunities, Safeguarding Our Children, technology help, etc.

Truck Repair—Ron’s truck, needed for Dare to Care distribution, needs transmission work. The BC asked Ron to get an estimate on repair costs and get back to the committee.

Dare to Care—Pamela reported that 1255 individuals were served in July, 319 families were helped, and 100 food boxes were given out on Thursdays. We will return to serving only our designated area as the Shilo Dare to Care outlet has re-opened.

ZOOM— A practice session on ZOOM will occur before we move to it as our means of worshipping on Sunday mornings.

Respectfully submitted,

Deacon Dan

Bishop’s Committee Meeting 9-13-2020

Attendees: Valerie, Deacon Dan, Ed, Bernadette, Ron, Carla, Doris, Pamela, Karla, Jean, Lisa, Donald

Old Business

Agenda—Agenda was accepted.

Gym Roof and HVAC system for DTC—Completed.

Technology Grant—Valerie outlined grant she has written.

Mission Funding—Has been modified from original ask of $2500 to ask of $10,000.

Deep Cleaning of Church—Resurfaced after having been tabled last month. A desire was expressed to allow a Speed Museum event in the Community Center. Lisa will make use of waiver forms for attendees to protect the Church against lawsuits dealing with contracting COVID-19. Bernadette made a motion that all three buildings be deep cleaned ($500) and that ongoing cleanings occur for 6hr/ week at a wage of $20/hr. This motion was seconded. When this will commence has not been determined.

Truck Repair—Ron’s truck, needed for Dare to Care distribution, has been repaired.

Training—Safeguarding Our Children will be available soon from the Rev. Katherine Doyle.

Dare to Care—Pamela and Lisa offered their report to the committee.

ZOOM—BC Committee members stated their approval to continue worship services using ZOOM.

New Business

New Stucco Damage: RAM Roofing has brought to light additional damage that needs being addressed. It’s estimated cost is $8725. There was confusion about the location of this damage so Ed, Ron, and Donald agreed to walk the building with Raul of RAM to reassess the situation.

Dare to Care—A discussion on its ongoing ministry and leadership needs has been requested for a future meeting.

Next Sunday—Dean Matt Bradley will lead worship online for St. George’s Episcopal Church.

Convention—Bernadette has volunteered to be our delegate, Lisa will be our alternate, and Valerie Victoria Mayo will be our youth representative.

Respectfully submitted,

Deacon Dan

Bishop’s Committee Meeting 12-13-2020

Old Business

Ed read the governing statement.

Dan offered prayer.

Agenda—Motion to approve was offered by Mary and seconded by Ron.

RAM roof payment complete. RAM stucco work is done, Valerie getting payment from diocese to give to RAM.

Eldra and Alyce will be the first two to get laptops. UP will provide, including internet access.

Doris, Charlene, Shirley, Fred, and June have also been named as those needing a laptop. The Diocese will provide. It anticipates providing 4 computers in 2021.

Ron is cleaning 3 days each week, 2 hours each visit.

A discussion ensued regarding insurance for our three vehicles. The desire to minimize expenses was expressed. A decision will need to be made regarding the sale or give away of the old van.

Insurance estimates from Mary:

Refrigerator Truck: $3000 per year.

New Van: $1300 per year.

Old Van: $1100 per year. (Blue Book of old van: $874)

Ed made a motion that $500 be an acceptable price for the van. Mary seconded this motion.

Respectfully submitted,

Deacon Dan

[oliviabryan]

WEEK 8: The rise of photoshop for the average social media user and its effects

In recent years, the ‘ideal’ body type for women has changed. Replacing the model-like slim look that was the goal for decades, the more curvaceous, big breasts, slim waist and large buttocks, made famous by the Kardashian family, for many is even less attainable than what the goal once was. This sought after look has seen a rise in the use of filters and photoshop for the average social media user.

As the Toledo Center for Eating Disorders (2019) states , in past decades, people have become accustomed to seeing the airbrushed digitally edited advertisements found in magazine and billboards, but now thanks to technology, the average social media user can achieve this little to no effort and heavily edited image are becoming more popular on social media. 

However, there have been times where this attempt of fitting the mould of the ‘perfect’ body has been caught out with ‘photoshop fails’. Below is a recent example from Kylie Jenner in April this year. 

 via Kyliejenner (Instagram)

The filters that are readily available to anyone with access to a device and internet means that there has been a spike in mental illnesses as well as plastic surgery. New York plastic surgeon, Matthew Schulman, states that  “patients have been coming in with Snapchat filtered selfies to show what they want done to their body” (Adkins 2018). Social media has seen a rise in many mental illnesses in young people, especially teenagers. One of the main disorders that has been linked to social media is Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). BDD is “a mental health disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance” (Mayo Clinic, 2020). This disorder can affect anyone from someone who is perceived as “good looking” to someone who is “average looking”, demonstrating how mental illnesses and disorders can effect just about anyone.

A person's social media shows what they want you to see. For most people, their social media only highlights the good things, never the bad, creating an image to the average follower or subscriber that you live a perfect life, when in actuality it could be the complete opposite. This can be credited to the shift in social media that occurred where the purpose of social changed from a form of self expression to form of self branding. Alyce Adkins in The Lexington line (2018) states that social media has shifted from an external being, to an extension of ourselves. This “front” that people create also adds to the pressures that people face on social media.

To end this, here is a music video by the band ‘Foster The People’ which they state is a social commentary on the “modelling industry and the fashion industry and the pressures women feel and girls feel every day” (2014). 

REFERENCES

Blake, E 2014, FOSTER THE PEOPLE EXPLAIN THE MEANING BEHIND THEIR TWISTED 'BEST FRIEND' VIDEO, MTV News, viewed 9 May 2020, <http://www.mtv.com/news/1833863/foster-the-people-best-friend-video/>

 Bonner, M 2020, Kylie Jenner Accidentally Posted a Photoshopped Pic and Immediately Deleted It, Cosmopolitan, viewed 9 May 2020, <https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/a32313940/kylie-jenner-photoshop-fail-bikini-quarantine/>

FosterThePeople 2014, Foster The People - Best friend, 29 May, viewed 9 May 2020, <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ndzln1UEyf0>

Mayo Clinic 2020, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, viewed 9 May 2020, <https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353938>

Toledo Center for Eating Disorders 2020, Body Dysmorphia, Social Media & Image Filters, viewed 9 May 2020, <https://toledocenter.com/social-media/body-dysmorphia-social-media-image-filters/>

[lieutenant-columbro]

peter falk and alyce mayo, c. 1960s

[lieutenant-columbro]

peter falk and alyce mayo, c. 1970s

[lieutenant-columbro]

peter falk and alyce mayo relaxing at home, c. 1970s