#am i demi or just intensely obsessive??? help

[fandom-lover20]

Hello 👋 I was wondering if I could get a marvel match-up? Maybe with a bit of nsfw ?

-i have pale skin, hazel eyes, blue hair/silver hair (I dye it every few months), im 5"4, a bit chubby, I got big cheeks that give me baby face 🤣 its such a blow to my already non existent ego

-my pronouns are she/her/they/them , I'm demi and pan, im nonbinary, my preferred nickname is M. Im pretty open so I wouldn't say no to a polyamorous relationship as long as its all mutual.

- I'm both a scorpio and libra (born right on the cusp) and im an INFP. I border being an ambivert but i lean a tad bit more on the introvert side. Im a pretty intense person especially when it comes to close relationships. I'm obsessive and overprotective as well but in more subtle ways. Im quite the gremlin as well, I can be a bit wild. Im sarcastic but I mean well. I use humor to cope with depression. I have a small history with suicidal thoughts and tendencies but for the time being im doing quite well.

Im an artist and a writer. I love sketching and coming up with story lines. I also love music my go too music is usually 70s rock. Im a fan of alternative music to as well as indie. I love cryptids and otherworldly things ( I love mothman).I have daddy issues (just gonna sprinkle that in here). Im a navy brat so im used to moving a lot and due to that staying in one place to long gets me agitated. Im a very neutral person when it comes to good vs evil because i can see and feel for both sides. Usually I won't get involved in the fight but more so with the people in the fight.

Thank you 😊 💓

Okay, love. I've got two so pick who you like:

Norman Osborn

Okay, let's start with the chubby face. You cannot tell me that Norman would not love that. Norman, to me, is a very touching, loving partner so he'd constantly have his hands on your face, just holding you or holding your face as he kisses you. I feel like he'd be open to pretty much any relationship but Gobby might have a small problem with sharing so it could depend. He might mess up a couple times with pronouns but give him time (a month?) and he'll be correcting everyone. Scorpio and Libra, come on. That personality fits him and Gobby perfectly. Obsessive and overprotective? You and him fit together even more perfectly. The two of you are covered in marks and bruises and hickeys etc. of telling the other one that they're yours/his and leaving the marks to prove it to whoever decides to flirt with you/him. Also he may tell you off for some of the jokes but he'd understand and he'd definitely understand the couple attempt/thoughts/feelings so the two of you wouldn't be going through it alone. Norman would happily display your work and he'd happily beta read your writing if you needed him to as well. Just not too late at night or there might be a small argument as that's when the biggest battles with Gobby tend to happen. Also, 70s music, Norman would love that kind of music. Most people would expect him to listen to like classical but you play some rock from the 70s and he'll grab your hand and get you to dance or just jump around with him. You can also bet the two of you dancing and jumping around will lead to a few other activities. Honestly I feel like Norman is constantly travelling for work, am I the only one? Like he's the owner and CEO of a MAJOR company about science. He's going to be moving about a lot even if its only for a little while like a week. The longest he's been gone was a month and that was because things kept going wrong with the stupid contracts. This needed its own paragraph. Norman is so in love with you for being accepting of Green Goblin. He needs someone who's going to understand it but also someone who actually helps him and stays when they find out and don't just leave him to deal with it.

Bruce Banner

Bruce loves all the different hair colours. The blue/silver is his favourite but he loves all the different styles you've had it. And he loves that you've got a bit of a baby face as well. Bruce would catch onto the pronouns very quickly and he'd always use your preferred nickname unless he's using a cute name like 'sweetheart' or 'darling'. If you don't like those though he wouldn't. Also your personality suits Bruce so freaking well. When you're not being more introverted the two of you are ranting ideas to each other and even when he's focusing really hard on something, when you come to him needing help with writing especially when it's a sciencey thing he'll happily help you out. Bruce loves it when you're being overprotective, he's never really had anyone be like that with him before so he's loving it. And he's used to the sarcasm with Tony being around all the time. Again, Bruce would also totally understand the suicidal thoughts and the two of you would be helping each other out all the time. I feel like anytime you'd go to him with some kind of sketch he'd keep it until you'd left and then "secretly" go ask Steve for help and ask him to help him give you some tips, if you need any. You found out about the third or fourth time it'd happened and Steve had seen you later and complimented the work before begging you not to tell Bruce he spilled. Bruce's favourite music would be the alternative or indie music but depending on the song he'd quite happily listen to the 70s rock as well. Yes, Bruce is a scientist but considering he’s made the other guy I think he’d also believe in a few cryptids, also it’s just what he’s always believed in. You're constantly going with Bruce on missions, not actually taking part, just going with him and trying to help him out with the big guy.

[thelonelynindroid]

As a questioning possibly demisexual there aren't many features that just instantly make a person more attractive to me but then BOOM dark hair and that little front tooth gap

[deci-doodles]

Now that the 2.0 trailer is out I can finally start dissecting the trailer with way more intensity than necessary for as many lore crumbs as possible but before all that:

Mondstadt’s the city of freedom, we see this when Venti lets Dvalin go as one of the Four Winds as freedom isn’t really that when a god is ordering you

Liyue had its contracts, the adepti fulfilling theirs despite Morax’s supposed death and Zhongli creating his “contract to end all contracts” with the Tsaritsa

But what of eternity? That’s not really an ideal, not to mention it’s such a vague one too. So I’m gonna upload my write up on Baal I did a few days ago for my interpretation of what eternity is meant to be and her potential motivations to pursue it

(TLDR: Baal isn’t inherently malevolent and her eternity’s a bastardised version of Nirvana, but she’ll never be able to achieve it because she misunderstands it and it’ll only do more harm than good)

Buddhism is one of the biggest religions in Japan (as the saying goes, Japanese people are born Shinto, married Christian, and die Buddhist). As such it should come as little surprise that it also has had a huge impact on Japan’s culture. In fact, we can see this with the most famous floral symbol of Japan, the cherry blossom.

Now I know what you’re thinking, what do cherry blossoms have to do with Baal? Well we’ll cross that bridge when we get there, just be patient.

Cherry blossoms are also synonymous with ‘mono no aware’ (the pathos of things), something derived from Zen Buddhist teachings and described as a “gentle sadness” from the acknowledgement of life’s transience. In fact, you’ll notice that a lot of Japanese culture and values can be linked to transience and imperfection, from Hanami and wabi-sabi to kintsugi. This can all be linked to Buddhism. Now to blasphemously simplify an entire religion into a single sentence(I’d recommend doing further research if you’re curious, I’m not a practitioner so I don’t recommend asking me), Buddhism’s “aim” is to break Samsara (the cycle of death and rebirth), and the only way to do this is to achieve Nirvana (enlightenment).

So where am I going with this? Well, what if Baal’s “eternity” is simply her equivalent to Nirvana?

Think about it, because all living things are trapped by Samsara, they are doomed to live transient lives, dying and being born again before dying and so on.

This certainly wouldn’t be the first time Mihoyo’s nabbed inspiration from religions, the folks over on Khaenri’ah have done a fine job analysing various instances on their Twitter. Baal thinks highly of her ideal as shown in both the Vajrada Amethyst stone and the quote from Zhongli: “Seven ideals for seven gods, and of these, Eternity is the closest unto heaven”. Nirvana is enlightenment, it is freedom, it is what allows one to transcend beyond the material world and finally be liberated from samsara, so it shouldn’t be a stretch to assume that this is what Baal means by “eternity”, especially since it directly opposes transience. But still, why would Baal take such extreme measures? And is she in the right here?

Let’s start off with first question and the vision hunt decree itself. The decree’s a direct reference to the various sword hunt decrees in Japan’s history but what’s interesting is that Inazuma’s can be linked to the sword hunt under Toyotomi Hideyoshi where the confiscated weapons were to be melted and cast into a giant statue of the Buddha. In a similar fashion, Baal is in laying the statue of the “Thousand-armed, hundred-eyes god”’s palms with confiscated visions. This also leads to yet another Buddhist parallel.

The Bodhissatva Kannon (also known as Guanyin) is the goddess of mercy, and one of her most popular depictions in Japan is the thousand-armed Kannon (Senju Kannon), who grew 1000 arms out of her desire to help free everyone from samsara. Sounds familiar doesn’t it? Like how Baal wishes to achieve the “eternity” that she promised her people. 1000-armed Kannon was also sometimes depicted with eyes in the palms of her hands, and where is Baal placing the confiscated visions again? That’s right, the statue’s palms.

But still, can we use this to justify the actions she’s taken? Baal may believe her intentions are noble but they’re also heavily flawed. Let’s rewind a bit, transience is a huge metaphor in Japan and thus it should come as little surprise that it’s also reflected in Inazuma.

- Kazuha’s main motif is maple, a deciduous tree associated with autumn, both being symbols of change as autumn is a transitional season and maple leaves fall

- Ayaka’s shown with cherry blossoms, but also her clan mon (crest) depicts a camellia flower (tsubaki). Camellias are associated with divinity but also a noble death as the flowers “decapitate” themselves

- Yoimiya has a firework theme, fireworks themselves last briefly but shine bright nevertheless. Her choker is also a butterfly, an insect synonymous with change

- Sayu’s kimono has bellflower patterns, bellflowers being one of the ‘seven autumn flowers’ and, again, autumn is a season of change

- Even Baal herself is the electro archon, storms never last forever and lightning (Inazuma’s namesake mind you) is also extremely brief

So where am I going with this? Well there’s another aspect of Buddhism that I left out. When one reincarnates, there are six possible realms you may go to depending on your karma: hell, hungry ghosts, animals, demi-gods, humans, and gods. Only those who reincarnate as humans have the opportunity to achieve nirvana. Baal’s obsession with eternity is only doing more harm than good regardless of her intentions because she fails to truly understand both the beauty that transience holds as well as transient mortals themselves. Her ideal directly contradicts Inazuma itself, so even though she may love her nation and it’s people oh so fiercely, the more she pursues “eternity”, the more she’ll fail to truly help her people. We’ve already seen this through Kazuha and Atsuko, the former losing his friend when he decided to make a stand and the latter nearly dying as she escaped. People have already drawn connections between her and Decarabian, and it seems that if she continues her path she may meet a similar demise to him.

[dangermousie]

2020 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

You can find my 2020 cdrama post here: dangermousie.tumblr.com/post/638449659546845184/2020-end-of-year-post-cdrama-edition

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2020; if it originally aired another year, it’s not on this list.

It’s been a pretty lackluster kdrama year. There are probably only 5 kdramas I truly loved and only three of them I was really obsessed over. Better luck in 2021!

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

42 Born Again - so bad, so incoherent, so insane, I have no idea why the leads signed up for it (and unlike some of the other watchers, I think it was awful from the very start.) There is literally nothing about this drama that makes sense.

41 Love with Flaws - a bunch of people who should be tried under the Geneva Convention.

40 Sweet Munchies - Jung Il Woo proves his inability to pick a functional script.

39 Meow the Secret Boy - if you ever wanted to bang a cat, this drama is for you. Not being a furry, however...

38 Do Do Sol Sol La Sol - I lost braincells just typing out this title.

37 When I Was the Most Beautiful - the only way it’s not the dumbest, most pointless melo of 2020 is because Born Again considerately came out the same year.

36 Woman of 9.9 Billion - if you want to watch an artsy French movie about miserable people, but only badly made, boy do I have a drama for you.

35 Lies after Lies - screams after screams.

34 Backstreet Rookie - people were up in arms about various problematic plots. I am a survivor of many plots much more problematic but even I couldn’t survive how utterly boring and annoying this drama was and how utterly irritating the leads were. This has taken Ji Chang Wook off my top favorites into “should I even check his latest Lovestruck in the City? Probably not” territory almost single-handedly (Melt Me helped, to be fair.)

33 Men Are Men - boring is boring.

32 Dinner Mate - two beautiful boring people eat out a lot.

31 Was It Love - no it wasn’t.

30 Alice - Joo Won in the shower can make up for a multitude of sins but not plot nonsense of such magnitude. When you find yourself thinking it would be better if he hooked up with the alternate universe version of his mother because at least then something entertaining would happen, you know it’s bad.

29 More than Friends - started out OK, then made me hate basically everyone and kept going.

28 Start-Up - honestly, it’s probably more decent than its place here, but the toxic and batshit fandom for it (the worst this year) made me feel like breaking out in hives any time it’s even mentioned.

27 The Spies who Loved Me - how to take a good cast and waste it.

26 Private Lives - it was good but it never took off with its concept and spent more time on the incoherent plot than the OTP which was its one strength. It’s a decent drama but coming after Heartless City and My Beautiful Bride from the same writer, it’s a disappointment.

25 Record of Youth - as high as it is due to Park Bo Gum hard carrying this entire awful drama on his shoulders and doing it so well I finished it. Alas, while he is in one drama (and that drama is great), the rest of the characters and the entirety of the script are a pointless useless mess.

24 Do You Like Brahms - excellent first third, mediocre middle, and terrible last third. I don’t know what musical term applies to this? Diminuendo, I think.

23 I’ll Go to You When the Weather is Nice - nice and mellow but nothing much happens.

22 Forest - mainly for Park Hae Jin’s excellent and frequently naked bod.

21 The Ballot - I didn’t love it as much as everyone did but it was well-made.

20 Hyena - more romance and less weird law stuff would make it better.

19 365 Repeat the Year - surprisingly solid.

18 The Game Towards Zero - see 365.

17 When My Love Blooms - very old fashioned, very lovely.

16 Chocolate - also very old fashioned and very lovely but also with Yoon Kye Sang performing medical procedures bleeding and shirtless. MMM.

15 (tie) Secret Royal Inspector - a fun if run of the mill sageuk.

15 Find Me In Your Memory - best melo this year.

14 Mystic Pop Up Bar - surprisingly good even though I wasn’t planning to check it out.

13 Where Your Eyes Linger - came out of nowhere but was tender and hopeful and lovely.

12 Itaewon Class - Park Seo Joon hard carries a drama that is already excellent. Love it.

11 Psychopath Diary - Yoon Shi Yoon is such a treat in a hilarious, cynical, dark comedy.

10 Kairos - more like ouroboros.

9 Queen Love and War - in a year where sageuks are very rare, this was solid and surprisingly moving and shippy.

8 The King Eternal Monarch - people didn’t like it but I did. It’s no masterpiece and both the leads and the writers have better dramas, but it was a lovely romantic fairy tale for me.

7 Mr. Queen - sharp, hilarious, and some of my favorite actors.

6 Psycho But It’s OK - healing, sharp cinematography and even sharper chemistry.

5 Crash Landing on You - the last ep pissed me off so much this drama is dead to me but I loved it so much until then I can’t place it lower in good conscience.

4 Train - who knew I would go this hard for an OCN drama or that OCN would do romance so well? But this time-travel mystery romance is just incredible and I shipped the OTP and rooted for the characters and loved every last bit of it.

3 Run On - this is the drama Record of Youth wanted to be but failed. Smart and lived in, you feel like you are peeking at real people, but also even four episodes in, I am so invested in the main characters separately and together, and care for them so much, it’s a little frightening.

1 (tie) Tale of the Nine Tailed - my perfect fantasy romance. I liked it better than Goblin, yeah I said it.

1 Flower of Evil - all the tropes I love in one incredible package. I would rewatch episodes waiting for new ones trying to puzzle the story and to stay withdrawal but it works just as well on rewatch. Lee Jun Ki brings his trademark tortured intensity and for once, both his leading lady and his script back him up and are worthy of that. It’s perfect.

FAVORITE DRAMA

It’s a tie between Tale of the Nine Tailed and Flower of Evil but if I had to pick just one, FoE, because it had me seriously obsessed and guessing about the protagonist and gave me the narrative tropes I love so much and an OTP that statisfied all my hurt/comfort kinks and then some.

WORST DRAMA

Born Again - honestly, this is so bonkers it almost becomes good but alas...

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Hyun Soo/Baek Hee Sung, Flower of Evil - he is so messed up, so on edge, so traumatized. Yet capable of so much warmth and caring even as he himself doesn’t realize his humanity. FoE is basically a story of a man pushed and punished by the world for his entire life who, because of one woman, finds a safe place and peace and slowly comes to life without realizing it, and watching his desperation to keep this small bit of normalcy is so heartbreaking and exciting all at once. Plus, you start the drama thinking he’s a psychopathic serial killer and end it (if you are me) thinking he must be protected at all costs and if anyone even looks at him wrong they must suffer, and that’s quite a change!

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Nam Ji Ah, Tale of the Nine Tailed - she is so funny and tough and smart and loving and amazing that I will totally buy that a literal demi-god will do anything and everything for her and love her for literal eternity.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Dad in Record of Youth - yes in a year with serial killers and supernatural demons, I picked a normal character from a mediocre drama. It’s his everyday awfulness to his family that hits so hard and I am sad he never got his comeuppance.

FAVORITE SHIP

Ji Ah x Yeon - a fearless reporter and an immortal demi-god who’s been hoping for his human beloved to reincarnate. A really rare set-up where the OTP is equally ride or die, so compatible and completely BAMF. I got why he waited for her for that long and then fell in love with her all over again. Perfection.

Runner up: Flower of Evil - he is so messed up he literally does not believe he is capable of love or empathy, but he falls in love with her anyway and so utterly she permeates his entire life. She is tough as nails and only believes what she sees and is the sole person who believes in him against the world. She loves him but he needs her. She needs him but he loves her. They are amazing.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Seo Dan x Gu Seung Jun, Crash Landing on You, North Korean x Conman were so good I shipped them harder than the main OTP and the end of that storyline pissed me off so much I dumped the drama and didn’t finish it for months (and it’s still dead to me.)

NOTP

Record of Youth - it started out and they didn’t have much chemistry but the dialogues were interesting and I thought the chemistry would grow. It didn’t and deteriorated, their dialogues became boring and relationship had zero development (about as much as the supposed female lead.) I think we were supposed to feel bad they broke up and they were going for a bittersweet open ending, instead I found myself happy about the break up of two incompatible, chemistry-less people and hoping for the love of God they never get back together.

FAVORITE SCENE

Yeon and the bridge of knives, Tale of the Nine Tailed - Yeon choosing to undergo the creeptastic bridge of knives for a chance to save Ji Ah, who at that point he is not aware is the reincarnation of his Joseon love because, as he says, he doesn’t care if she is or isn’t, it just would be more horrible to have her die than to undergo the horrific torture he is undergoing, and then the sequence with his catching her, her weeping over him and the fact that she is the original Joseon girl revealed and all the bandaging and his watching her sleep and all that loveliness, is everything for yours truly.

Runner up: Hyun Soo having that break-down at the cliff at the end of ep 15 of Flower of Evil as Ji Won desperately tries to convince him she is alive and he finally stumbles to her.

Runner runner up (it’s my list, I will do what I want): Do Won preparing to blow his brains out to give a chance to Seo Kyung to live in Train.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Seon-Gyeom, Run On. Yeah, I know. Im Siwan is tiny, delicate featured and has a runner’s build, none of which are things that normally appeal to me. But his character is so odd, so honest, so unflinching in pursuing what he thinks is right, so incapable of self-pity despite plenty of reasons for it, and so ridiculously attractive when he smiles, I don’t even care.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Kim Bum, TotNT - I started out being annoyed by him and ended up looking forward to his scenes and being distraught by his ending.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Honestly, none. I was fine with all the endings. I wouldn’t mind seeing post-end life of Tale of the Nine Tailed characters or the OTP settling into their literal new world in Train, but I am good.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Time jump that solves all the problems off screen or alternatively years pass and everyone is frozen - something that kdramas need to learn and need to learn badly. See Record of Youth, Brahms and Start Up.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Men who are ride or die for their OTP - this was a great year for this - the male leads of four of my five dramas were beyond anything on that scale (only exception is Run On because it’s still too early to tell there.) Yes PLEASE.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

This was a banner year for that what with Start Up, Do You Like Brahms, Record of Youth, and Private Lives all starting out well and nosediving off the cliff but winner is Crash Landing on You. I loved it so much for bulk of its run but the last episode pissed me off so much I deleted all my files and called it a day.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

Flower of Evil - I had no expectations of this drama and wasn’t even planning on watching it despite liking both the lead actors because yet another “look at evil serial killer be evil” drama with no romance was not my thing. Luckily someone convinced me there might be some romance and I peeked curiously. Honestly, their promo campaign was the most misleading and dumbest thing ever.

Runner up Psycho but it’s OK - I have never liked Kim Soo Hyun in anything before and the drama premise seemed WTF but it was shockingly good and KSH totally blew me away.

Hardest Working Lead

Yoon Shi Yoon - he starred in two (!!!) dramas in 2020 playing three characters and not only were both these dramas awesome in a lackluster year, but if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew it was the same actor and the fact that the characters shared a face, I would have never believed that they were played by the same actor. So good!

2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time

BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020

My Beautiful Bride and Deserving of the Name - I was obsessed with both of them and honestly, they were much better than the bulk of 2020 kdramas I watched.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021

The Moon That Rises in the Day, Hong Chun Gi, Joseon Exorcist, Island,  Frightening Cohabitation, Snowdrop.

[musicallisto]

Hi! I'd like to request ships for the PJO, Marvel and Playchoices fandoms (my fav books are ES, TC&TF and ILITW) if you don't mind! I'm a straight female (she/her) who's intelligent, hard-working, ambitious, sassy, sarcastic, determined, helpful, caring, logical and analytical, but also arrogant, bossy, stubborn, overly competitive, fussy over my friend's health (both mental and physical) and very averse to big changes. My dream is to become a lawyer because I want to use my skills to (1/2)

Help others. My hobbies include reading books, watching films and over-analyzing both. I suck at anything remotely physical but I'm rather good at all things school-related. For the song thing I'm going to choose Avicii's "Without You" because it's been stuck in my head all week xD. Anyways, thanks so much for doing this and sorry if I made any mistakes, English is not my first language 💙💙💙

I Ship You With...

Percy Jackson

there’s surely a lot of energy going on in this relationship, but even before you two were together, your friends used to say that even Mount Olympus could collapse with the strength of your passion (passion meaning ‘stubborn as HELL tendencies’, but I didn’t tell you that)

it’s honestly kind of tiring at times to be the protective, caring, and even fussy girlfriend of a demi-god who’s been the chosen one of probably 12 prophecies (and counting) and has a knack for fighting ancient monsters of legend and immortal creatures

you have to practically beg Percy for him to lay down a little so you can take of his injuries and take a nap with you, mainly because you’re so concerned about his physical and mental strain, but also for the selfish pleasure of having him only to you

“Oh come on, I’m gonna be fine, it’s really no big deal” “Perseus Jackson you have been fighting mythological monsters for two weeks straight I am COMMANDING YOU to take a nap with me”

him being the cheeky hero that he is - “well, if this is what my general commands” with a sly smile, but you can read the absolute exhaustion beneath his sea-green eyes

he never really had much interested in anything acamedic or school-related, what with his dyslexia and ADHD making it harder for him to concentrate for long periods of time on given subjects (and, you know, the occasional saving-the-world thing taking up a little of his time), but once he discovers how passionate you are about school stuff he’s tempted to make an effort and support you

when you have a big test coming up and you have to study, Percy typically sits (spins, actually) on a chair in your bedroom while you’re at your desk and randomly exclaims pop quizzes about the subject to make sure that you know everything

“what was the name of the gladiator who led a slave uprising against the Roman Republic?” “Spartacus” “correct. The gods talk about him sometimes. Jason heard he’s a fun dude.” “Percy, you’re not helping me” “I am helping you! how many students in your class have heard from Jupiter himself that Spartacus was a fun dude? you’re really gonna make a difference thanks to me.”

he just asks for a kiss in return; consider it payment for helping you pass your ancient history exam with flying colors he’s an all-around amazingly supportive boyfriend, though

Tony Stark

did you just say you’re overly competitive? oh mygod

if there is one thing that Tony Stark hates more than losing, it’s losing to you. when you get that smug little smile of yours and start prancing around the Avengers Tower like you’re queen of the world because you beat him in whatever stupid thing you were both doing and it’s !!!! ARGH infuriating he hates it. no, really, he does. totally does not like it at all. it’s only for the pleasure of CRUSHING YOU to pieces that he constantly challenges you to anything and everything.

chess nights at the Avengers Tower have never been wilder and tenser. (except for Bruce, who just enjoys the whole debacle, giggling in the background, because he can see you’re both so bad and he could have won this whole thing three rounds ago. unless you’re looking to prolong the fun?)

both of you taunting the other to give up now and save themselves the humiliation of the slaughter you’re preparing. metaphorical or physical slaughter, no one really knows, especially because it never comes. the only way these dreaded, hellish chess games end is either in blood after Natasha throws the board in utter despair, or with you both having fallen asleep in the middle of moving your knight

there is a tenderness, however, in the way you care about each other, but you don’t show it that much, as if this sudden vulnerability came into conflict with the other sides of your personality. but it is undeniable. you care about each other, deeply. it’s enough to see how whomever woke up first from the infamous chess half-night wraps the other in a blanket and gently eyes them as the sun rises slowly

how you nag him to take a break when he’s been overworking himself, fighting all the threats and taking upon his shoulders the responsibility of saving the whole universe (and more)

and how he holds you steady, close to his heart, in the dead of the night when New York City almost falls silent and there’s nothing but your appeased breathing and the faint echo of a moonlit breeze

Lucas Thomas (It Lives In The Woods)

nerd meets prep in three, two, one...

(notice how I didn’t clarify who’s the nerd and who’s the prep)

I mean, if Lucas isn’t a nerd already, he turns into a big one whenever he’s with you. how could he not? you exude radiance and positivity and passion whenever you explain in great detail whatever you book you finished last week and you’re still obsessed with. how you pick up on the character development and how clever the symbolism is and just... ugh Lucas please baby read it you’ll see it’s just so good. with a laugh, he says he’ll try to fit it in his schedule. it sounds like the lame excuse you’d give someone when you’re not interested at all, but actually the first thing he does on his way back home from school is stop at the public library and borrow the book

he finishes it in one night, as you can tell by the foot-long bags under his eyes the next morning at school (longer than usual, anyways), but also by the content, even smug little smile that he wears on his face.

“so, what did you think about it??” you ask, hopeful, when you notice that he doesn’t seem completely apalled by the experience

cue montage of you two enthusiastically discussing every aspect of the book and the writing and the worldbuilding over lunch, in between classes, and even when you’re supposed to be studying

when you actually do study though, it’s always very intense because Lucas takes his homework and academic success very seriously. maybe even too seriously? you’re the one who makes sure that he catches a break every two hours to grab some water or take a breath of fresh air

he doesn’t need it, though, he retaliates, and you would find it agonizingly cute and endearing if you weren’t so mad that the boy will NOT listen to you. “you are my breath of fresh air”, he murmurs with a boop on your nose, before getting back to work

that absolute, lovestruck, handsome and brilliant fool

[makeitupp-blog1]

My Makeup Favorites!

When I started wearing makeup, my makeup bag consisted of only three products; foundation that was two shades too dark, bronzer that was as orange as a cheeto, and mascara that barely cost $3.00. It is safe to say that my collection has grown substantially since then. After a year working at Ulta Beauty, I have bought and or tested almost half of the products in the store and I have become officially obsessed with makeup. Due to buying and testing numerous products, I have found many of my go to favorites and I have also found a lot of makeup that I am not willing to ever buy again. In today’s post, I have decided to share my favorite products that I always keep stocked in my personal makeup collection. I would love to hear what products are your favorites. Comment on this post with your top three go to products. I would love to see what you all are loving, and even get to try out some products that I have yet to try!

Now, onto the tour of my favorite products in my collection!

Face:

1.     L’OREAL Perfecting Base Primer

This primer is amazing! I bought it soon after a coworker had told me that it was a dupe for the Tarte blurring face primer. It is a budget friendly primer that effortlessly blurs your pores. My favorite thing about this primer? It lasts forever! A little bit goes a long way with this primer, and for a product that you use every day, that is extremely important.

2.     Smashbox Photo Focus Foundation

This product is not a dupe and it will cost you around forty-two dollars, but it is one hundred percent worth the investment. I use to reserve this foundation only for special events and for going out, but it makes my skin look so amazing that I started to use it as my every day foundation. It is a perfectly lightweight, demi-matte foundation that provides a full amount of coverage without feeling like you have a lot of makeup on. I have not been able to find a drugstore foundation that performs as well as this foundation, but for the sake of my bank account, I hope I can find an imposter soon.

3.     Tarte Shape Tape

Similar to the Smashbox foundation, this concealer is not budget friendly. Although it is extremely expensive for a concealer, at twenty-seven dollars, it performs like no other concealer on the market. You can say goodbye to any sign of dark circles and you can say hello to beautiful, bright under eyes! I use this product almost every day, and one tube lasted me almost 7 months. If you have the budget to invest in this concealer I highly recommend it.

4.     Physician’s Formula Butter Bronzer

Want a bronzer that smells like summer? Want a bronzer that glides onto the skin? Want a bronzer that gives you a gorgeous, warm glow? Then you need to head straight to the store to buy this bronzer. It has a fresh coconut scent with a smooth, buttery texture that sits on the skin so beautifully. Once I found this bronzer, I have not used any other bronzing product.

5.     Maybelline’s Master Chrome Highlighter

I was always so hesitant to wear highlighter even though it has become such a big trend. I never knew which shade to use or how to apply it. Then, after watching countless product reviews on YouTube, I found Master Chrome. The golden tone of this blinding highlight gives an ethereal glow without washing you out. Words cannot describe how gorgeous this highlight is for its price tag.

6.     Coty Airspun Setting Powder

For six dollars, you get enough of this product to last you a year! This translucent setting powder effectively sets your face makeup without causing flashback in photos or causing a white cast under the eyes. Unlike some facial powders, this powder is great for both overall setting powder and for baking your contour. The only thing I will warn you about with this powder is the smell. If you are sensitive to smells you may not like the perfume like fragrance that this product has.

7.     MAC Fix Plus Setting Spray

This is not a product that I use every day, but when I need my makeup to last all day without sliding and smudging, I turn to this trusty setting spray. I love this product because unlike other setting sprays that I have used in the past, it has a refreshing fine mist that does not leave my face feeling overly wet or sticky. It also gives my complexion an overall matte finish which is especially helpful in the summer when the heat causes my face to get much shinier than normal. It rings in at around twenty-dollars, but the higher price tag is worth it, especially if it is only being used for special events, because it really does work flawlessly.

Eyes:

1.     Morphe Second Nature Palette

Morphe is an indy brand, turned beauty industry power house. They are known for their high quality, but budget friendly makeup products. This eyeshadow palette is the perfect warm color story with blinding shimmer shadows and bold mattes. I have a large collection of Morphe palettes and I do not think I will ever find a better high pigmented shadow for such a bargain. I highly suggest you check out their collections.

2.     Colourpop Super Shock Single Shadows

These single shadows are only four dollars apiece. If you need a solid shimmer or metallic shadow, packed with pigment, I would check these out on Colourpop’s website. These shadows are best applied with a synthetic brush or simply your fingertip, but with just a little pat of this product on the lid, your eye look goes from average to extraordinary.

3.     Benefit Roller Lash Mascara

This mascara is a higher ticket item, but with just a few swipes on the lashes, you will have perfectly voluminous and long lashes. The formula does not flake or clump so application is hassle free with no need to reapply all day long. There are only two shades available in this product; black and brown. I use the black shade and it is the perfect intense shade of black that defines my eyes without needing to cake on the product in order to see results.

Brows:

1.     Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Definer- Taupe

There is only one product that I will trust day in and day out to effortlessly and naturally define my brows. The triangle shaped tip allows for an easy application, even for beginners. The formula has the perfect amount of waxy texture that keeps the brow hairs in place without causing them to look fake and overdrawn. Another benefit of this product, is its double ended design. On one end of the component, there is the actual pencil and on the opposite end, there is a spoolie brush that allows you to tame the brow hairs with a simple flip of the product rather than having to constantly switch between two separate components.

Lips:

1.     Colourpop Matte Liquid Lipstick

For only six dollars each, these lipsticks perform like a twenty-dollar luxury formula. They come in numerous shades so you will always find what you need when shopping for your ideal shade. I would highly suggest watching the swatch videos of your desired shades on YouTube before buying. The colors appear very different in the pictures compared to how they appear once applied on your lips.

2.     Anastasia Beverly Hills Lip Gloss- Toffee

I was given this lip gloss as a gift from my manager and the second I used it for the first time, I was sold. This gloss is the ideal tinted nude shade. It allows you to keep your look natural while also looking polished and put together. It also has an amazing sugar cookie smell, and who does not love the smell of sugar cookies?!

3.     Fizz & Bubble Sugar Lip Scrub

Not many people have heard of Fizz & Bubble, let alone their sugar lip scrubs. These products last forever and they keep the lips smooth and ready for flawless lipstick application. All the lip scrubs are vegan, edible and cruelty free which is awesome. They are also available in multiple yummy flavors such as, mint mojito, juicy watermelon, rainbow sherbet, and orange dreamsicle.  

[quarantineandchillthings]

EUPHORIA

I had wanted to watch Euphoria for so long and this quarantine gave me the chance to do just that. I wondered what the hype was about this show and why viewers instantly got obsessed with it, but after watching it I totally understand. This show is definitely intense and exhibits a lot of things that the other teen dramas I have watched would normally never. This show really shocked me with how well they depicted topics such as drug addiction, abortion and sexuality, all of which have been shown in other Tv shows, but not to this extent. This show has a realness to it that I've never seen before in a ‘teen drama’  type show. I have heard it be described as a teen drama for adults; I think this is a great way to describe it, even though the show has been well received by teens. 

This show is actually an adaptation of an Israeli show of the same name. It follows a group of teens trying to navigate the world around them and the problems that they face. The main character, Rue Bennet, is a 17 year old drug addict who has just come out of rehab. She meets a transgender girl, Jules, who is searching for a sense of identity. The show also follows the lives of Maddy, Nate, Cassie, Lexi, Kat, and Chris (McKay), who all have attended the same school. They each have their own big storylines. 

The show dives into each main character's backstory which really understands the characters decisions as well as personalities. I love the choice of outfits and makeup that is used to show the different personalities of each character. For example, Jules’ character wears bright, sometimes neon coloured eye makeup with very girly, pastel coloured clothing to express her femininity, whereas Kat wears more 70s and 80s grunge inspired outfits throughout the show to demonstrate her personality transformation.A huge part of this show is it’s aesthetic.The sparkly purples and rose tones change the mood, and think it is one of the main reasons why people love the show. 

WIth the show only being 8 episodes and one season, the storylines are so well done. One of my favourite storylines is the situation between Jules, Nate's dad (Cal) and Nate. I can’t wait to see in the next season if the truth comes out about Jules and Cal's sexual relationship as well as Nate's sexuality. 

The season finale left us with a cliffhanger of Jule’s leaving town and Rue deciding not to leave with her. I am interested to find out what this will do to their relationship, as it seemed like they have only just fully realised what they mean to each other. Rue also relapses after being clean for a while, I think this will make next season very interesting, not only to see how this affects Rue, but also how it affects her family and friends after having so much progress. I think a stand out scene for a lot of viewers would be the final scene, where Rue relapses and falls into a sort of dream-like sequence which is a representation of the relapse itself. This is such a unique scene and I absolutely loved being able to hear Zendaya, the actress who plays Rue sing ‘All For Us’. 

Euphoria touches on some very intense subjects that a lot of teen drama shows dabble in but not to the extent that Euphoria does. I really love that they never make it a huge point that Jules is a trans girl, she just simply is. They never really put a label on her and although she is proud to be transgender, her character is much more than just that fact. In other shows I’ve watched that involve transgender characters, none of them have depicted the characters the way Jules has been in Euphoria. I also love the character Kat Hernandez who learns to love her body and becomes confident in who she is. Her type of character is one that is not seen much on tv, especially teen shows. She is not just the fat funny girl or the friend that needs a makeover, instead, she learns that she actually loves her own body and discovers she wants to show it off. I think her character can inspire lots of people to learn to love the skin they're in, especially in this day and age. It also helps that the actress that plays her, Barbie Ferreira, is a plus size model who has always been very vocal about body positivity. 

Here is an article that talks about the importance of Barbie Ferreira’s character Kat’s importance on screen: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/euphoria-kat-fat-teenage-girl-trope 

Euphoria depicts drug addiction in such a real way, some may argue that it has been glorified but I disagree. You see how everyone in Rue's life is so affected by her drug use, such as her sister Gia and Mother. There is also a scene that depicts an overdose, which is extremely scary and intense to watch. 

FUN FACTS 

- Some of the storylines in the show are based on creator Sam Levinson's experience with drug addiction 

- Euphoria is Hunter Schafer who plays Jule’s, first acting job

- One of the fight scenes between Rue and her mother was completely improvised between actresses Zendaya and Nika King

- Sydney Sweeney, the actress that plays Cassie, created a diary for Cassie before filming to better understand her character

- The makeup worn on the show is meant to help show the characters emotions and character development 

For more fun facts go to: https://www.buzzfeed.com/laurengarafano/euphoria-hbo-facts-about-the-show 

The actors and actresses in this cast are absolutely amazing, here are some other projects they are involved in: 

Zendaya (Rue)  - ‘Dune’ - Sci fi/Adventure film 

Hunter Schafer (Jules)  - Allure Magazine september cover 

Jacob Elordi (Nate)  - ‘2 Hearts’ - Drama/Romance film 

Barbie Ferreira (Kat) - ‘Unpregnant’ - HBO max film 

Alexa Demie (Maddy) - ‘ ‘Waves’ - Drama/Romance film 

Sydney Sweeney (Cassie) - ‘The Players Table’ - Drama series 

Maude Apatow (Lexi) - ‘Hollywood’ - Netflix Original series 

Algee Smith (Chris McKay) - ‘The Hate U Give’ - Crime/Drama movie 

Here is how to keep up with their lives: 

Zendaya - 

https://www.instagram.com/zendaya/?hl=en 

https://twitter.com/Zendaya?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor 

Hunter Schafer - 

https://www.instagram.com/hunterschafer/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/hunters

Jacob Elordi - 

https://www.instagram.com/jacobelordi/?hl=en

Barbie Ferreira - 

https://www.instagram.com/barbieferreira/?hl=en

Alexa Demie - 

https://www.instagram.com/alexademie/?hl=en

Sydney Sweeney - 

https://www.instagram.com/sydney_sweeney/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/sydney_sweeney

Maude Apatow - 

https://www.instagram.com/maudeapatow/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/maudeapatow

Algee Smith - 

https://www.instagram.com/itsalgee/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/itsAlgee 

[chloe-elizabeth-price]

1-40 (take that)

A lot of questions as per usual, thanks for always being curious and cute @annoyinglyuniquebread!

I’ll put these under a cut as well as trigger warn you guys for mentions of mental illness, unhealthy coping mechanisms and abuse. 

Anyone who wants to, feel free to read what basically feels like my life story lol 

Here we goooo

1: Talk aboutthe first time you watched your favorite movie.

This question as well as numbers  11, 24, 28 and 38 where answered here and here

2: Talk aboutyour first kiss.

I was 7 and kissed a boy in my class behind the bushes at recess in a display of young  compulsory heterosexuality. He dumped me at a classmate’s birthday party a week later and I never looked at boys again lol

3: Talk aboutthe person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

This girl I met in my freshman year of college and fell hard and fast for. She clearly didn’t feel the same for me and very unceremoniously dumped me without much of an explanation, it sucked!  

4: Talk aboutthe thing you regret most so far.

That I didn’t break contact with my biological father much earlier than I did, his presence in my life made me feel like shit for way longer than I deserved and now that he’s out of my life I feel a lot better!

5: Talk aboutthe best birthday you’ve had.

l’m not actually much of a fan of birthdays and much prefer Christmas, never really liked the idea of growing up…But I guess my tenth birthday was cool. It was nice  to turn a two digit number for the first time and the pajama party I had that year was pretty sweet!

6: Talk aboutthe worst birthday you’ve had.

Well my fourth birthday sucked, it was my first birthday after my parents got divorced and I was worried my dad wouldn’t show up for the party and well…He didn’t……………….Yeah that sucked!

7: Talk aboutyour biggest insecurity.

I have many, many insecurities of different natures and can honestly not really narrow it down to one big one.

8: Talk aboutthe thing you are most proud of.

I’m proud of unapologetically being who I am despite breaking norms and societal expectations in more ways than one; as well as for standing up for others like me!

9: Talk aboutlittle things on your body that you like the most.

I like my eyes, they’re a nice shade of blue

10: Talk aboutthe biggest fight you’ve ever had.

Physical? Because I’ve never really been in a physical fight and I can’t really think of a huge verbal one either right now. Of course I’ve gotten into some arguments with my parents and stuff growing up, nothing major that I can remember though.

12: Talk aboutthe worst dream you’ve ever had.

 I rarely remember my dreams, but since I started taking sleeping pills I’ve had some really vivid and scary ones, nothing I feel like reliving by sharing though.

13: Talk aboutthe first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

Yeah, nope, not happening, too demi and reserved to share that one with the internet, sorry!

14: Talk abouta vacation.

The best vacation I’ve ever been on was the one I got from my parents as a graduation gift. They accompanied me to Amsterdam (which is a beautiful, beautiful city) to see Taylor Swift live on the 1989 World Tour! It was one of the best trips/concerts of my life and I really look forward to seeing Tay again in 180 days! 

15: Talk aboutthe time you were most content in life.

Probably in my last year of middle school, when I was like 15. It was the last year before I developed mental illness and fell into this dark, dark hole…Wow, that sounds depressing af! Sorry for being such a bummer!

16: Talk aboutthe best party you’ve ever been to.

I don’t really do parties, I prefer to hang out with my friends casually and just play video games and cook/have dinner together or whatever. We’ve had many awesome hangouts like these over the years and I can’t really pick a specific one as the best one!

17: Talk aboutsomeone you want to be friends with.

I’d love to be friends with Carrie Fisher, we’d get along famously and she seems like the kind of person you could just talk to you know? Carrie, if you can hear me up in heaven, please consider being my friend and save me a cloud to sit on next to you, cool?

18: Talk aboutsomething that happened in elementary school.

I got dumped at that birthday party, lol…No but really I don’t remember much of elementary school, except that one time a bitch stole my tamagotchi, that wasn’t cool Sally, so not cool!

19: Talk aboutsomething that happened in middle school.

My teacher surprised me by sneaking me into another school’s library so that I could join this class of strangers in meeting one of my favorite authors at the time and get my books signed as well as give her a book i’d written and exchange email addresses with her. We still emailed occasionally years later, it was dope!!

20: Talk aboutsomething that happened in high school.

I came out of the closet, that was pretty damn dope too!

21: Talk abouta time you had to turn someone down.

During my freshman year of college (wow, a lot sure did happen that year, huh?) this guy in my class basically started stalking me and obsess over me despite me repeatedly telling him I’m gay and wasn’t interested. It got pretty badly out of hand and it ended with the school suspending him after me having complained to the student council after he failed to recognize my rejections for what they were, FUCKING REJECTIONS!!! 

22: Talk aboutyour worst fear.

i’m TERRIFIED of failure in any and all forms! Don’t wanna talk about it though, it’ll probably trigger unnecessary anxiety…

23: Talk abouta time someone turned you down.

I’m too shy to ask people out so I have never really been turned down in that sense, have been dumped tho, that’s………..unfun!

25: Talk aboutan ex-best friend.

During elementary and middle school I was best friends with this guy i’d known since kindergarten, we drifted apart since we went to different high schools and haven’t really hung out since sophomore year which is too bad really because we were like siblings at one point and I’d like to have that back someday.

26: Talk aboutthings you do when you’re sick.

I try to drink a lot of tea and stay as comfortable as possible while watching something that makes me happy and distracts me from feeling badly. Like Buffy, Brooklyn 99 or F.r.i.e.n.d.s

27: Talk aboutyour favorite part of someone else’s body.

My dog’s tail is fluffy and adorable just like the rest of her! :)

29: Talk aboutwhat turns you on.

I feel like I’ve talked about this before, but open-minded people who aren’t afraid of having frank, honest conversations in which the express their opinions. Girls are beautiful and physically most parts of girls’ bodies honestly turn me on buuuut again, too awkward for this discussion on the net.

30: Talk aboutwhat turns you off.

Close-minded and bigoted people disgust me!

31: Talk aboutwhat you think death is like.

I’m not really sure, but a quote from John Green’s Looking For Alaska comes to mind: “Thomas Edison’s last words were “It’s very beautiful over there”. I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.”

32: Talk abouta place you remember from your childhood.

When I was younger my grandparents lived in this big, yellow house in the countryside and I remember it as this bright, warm and very positive place! It was surrounded by  a large, dark forest that my grandma used to call The Forest of Fairy Tales” and in their huge garden they had an abundance of sweet berries and I had a legit fort my grandpa had built for me at the edge of the forest. I really miss that place, almost as much as I miss my grandma!

33: Talk aboutwhat you do when you are sad.

Pretty much the same thing I do when I’m sick, I try to drink gallons of tea, stay comfy and watch something lighthearted and uplifting. Listening to Taylor Swift also helps me a lot if I feel down. The sound of her voice makes me feel at home and reminds me that things are gonna be okay, ya feel?

34: Talk aboutthe worst physical pain you’ve endured.

As a kid with cerebral palsy I pretty much grew up in hospitals and was subject to a lot of pretty painful stuff before I even turned ten, as a result my pain threshold is very high. Despite this I can’t really say breaking my wrist in a biking accident at about nine didn’t suck.

35: Talk aboutthings you wish you could stop doing.

I wish I could stop clinging to some of the more unhealthy coping mechanisms I have when it comes to my mental illness…Like I wish I’d stop starving myself and make myself sleep deprived on purpose and stuff…That’s not really healthy and I wish I didn’t cling to these things and instead could find healthier ways to deal with bad mental health situations. I’m working on this though!

36: Talk aboutyour guilty pleasures.

I don’t believe in guilt associated with interests of any kind. If I like something I like it, plain and simple!

37: Talk aboutsomeone you thought you were in love with.

This boy that sat next to me in my eighth grade math class, he was super nice and we were friends. Secretly though I was like OBSESSED with him, it was actually kinda cute. Sadly for 14 year old me I was too shy to ask him out though, which was just as well since it was clearly compulsory again and I was really crushing super hard on the cool punk girl in my social studies class who I just thought i really, really, REALLY wanted to be friends with at the time…I was too shy to talk to her too though sooo

39: Talk aboutthings you wish you’d known earlier.

That it’s okay to be both disabled and queer, the belief that you couldn’t caused me to stay in the closet (even to myself) for far longer than I needed to. you’re not “too much” just because you happen to be part of several minority groups, never forget that, kids!

40: Talk aboutthe end of something in your life.

When I was 13 I finally broke contact with my biological father and that was the end of a cycle of mental and psychological abuse. It was one of the best decision I’ve ever made and the most cathartic ending to any period  in my life so far. 

Thanks for all those questions, Bellz and sorry it took some time for me to answer them, I’ve had a busy week!

[jo-the-schmo]

Show Me (Breaking...Alternate Ending #3) Continuation of #2

Show Me #2

A/N: I am thoroughly ashamed, I hate everything happening right now. Why have I done this???

Wordcount: 1670

Warnings: General discomfort, I’m going to classify this as mild smut and I hate it so much, language as always (I will probably never write anything close to this ever again but I make no promises)

Tags (I am so sorry if you don’t want to be tagged anymore):  @midnightokieriete  @renae-writes @deltablue202 @literally-melonkitty @meunicorn @favouritefighting-frenchman @demi-godamit @gum-and-chips @sweaterkitty-fluff @pinkyiger7 @littlemissshortcakes @msageofenlightenment @unprofessional-inhumanbeing @fandom-panda-221 @hummusandchips @spoopy-piineapple @ashwolfcub @myself-and-the-madman @sweet-fate @superwholockbooknerd526 @frozengal2013 @itsmikayblr @sarmar29 @arya-durin-77 @phantastic-fandoms @hoshihime98@shinigamired @martapetrovic @robotic-space @tayahqr (lol) @asprinkleofmermaids @pinkyiger7 (I’m tagging you twice my friend!) @satellitesuga @rose-coloured-nihilism @okie-dokie-artichokeme @alyssumax@pandartist @marquiis-de-la-baguette @abi-sans05 @apandawithcookies (Adding you because you requested this)

It all must continue, the end is near for this line...

Why the hell am I supposed to do?! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! You were starting to panic. What the hell was that? I don’t see Alex like that!...Right? I don’t see him like that, right?! Did I initiate that? I can’t tell! It was...kinda nice… No! Stop thinking like that Y/N! He’s married! And the kids...and Philip! You can’t do this! You felt like you could still feel his lips against yours, the roughness of it, the scratchiness from his stubble. It was...intense, that seemed to be the word that fit best. Your face felt like it was burning. Okay, this has to stop! You decided to try and sleep. So you got ready for bed and laid down. Unfortunately, sleeping was easier said than done. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop thinking about it, about him. You couldn’t figure out why either and that bothered you even more. Eventually, your eyes were forced to shut. It was cold and dark, at first. Then the blue light came back. It inhaled you into its frozen light. You smelled smoke, old smoke. Like a day old campfire. Then a voice faded in and sent shivers through your brain, your own.

“I’ve never been satisfied either…”

Your eyes shot open and you graciously took a much needed gulp of air. Your whole body felt weak, you were exhausted. For a moment, you didn’t notice the smell, simply relating it to your dream. But you weren’t dreaming anymore. The faint scent of smoke loomed over you. You looked out your window and saw a dark plume of ash coming from the front yard. Quickly, you got ready, changing into your work clothes. As you were about to reach for the door, you noticed your chair propped under the handle. Did I lock myself in? I don’t remember doing that… You shook off the eerie feeling in your gut and moved the chair out of the way and made your way out. That’s when you had a realization. A pamphlet came out today, important and discussing the affairs of Alex, smoke coming from the front yard. Eliza… You picked up the pace and as you ran through the hall, you saw another chair propped underneath a door handle. The study. You shoved it out of the way and busted through the door. The room was a mess and you had just cleaned it last night. The drawers were open and papers littered the  hardwood floor. Alex was laid down on the couch, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. You ran over to him, leaning over him and shaking his shoulders.

“Alex! Alex, wake up! You need to get up right now!”  He stirred a bit, he seemed to be having a nice dream. You felt bad to pull him out of it and welcome him with this sort of news. You tapped his face lightly. “Alexander Hamilton! Wake the hell up!” You said a bit more sternly.

“Titania…? What are you doing…?” He yawned, taking your hand and moving it away from his face.

“It’s Eliza! She’s making a monumentally horrible mistake for history, we need to go right now!” You helped to pull him up off the makeshift bed. His cravat was laying on the ground and his vest was unbuttoned. Looking back on it, you should’ve let him fix his clothes but neither of you were really paying attention to that. You grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the study, through the house and out the front door. Eliza was throwing papers into a fire made on the front lawn, Rachel was standing off the the side watching.

“Betsy! What in God’s name are you doing?” Alex asked as he jogged down the front steps, you trailing behind him. She looked furious.

“Don’t you ‘Betsy’ me, Alexander! I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago! Burning the thing that pushed you away from me! These papers, your work, your obsession! I hope that you’re happy, because you’ve ruined me!” She threw the rest of the papers into the burning pile, you nodded to Rachel as she chased after her.

“Lady Eliza! Wait, we can talk about this!” You heard Rachel plead as they disappeared inside. You focused back on Alex. He kneeled down in front of still burning fire and picked up a burnt shred of parchment. He studied it, held it in his trembling hands but stayed quiet. You knelt down beside him and glanced at the piece yourself, it was the bottom corner of the original page. In very neat cursive it read as ‘Always yours, John Laurens’ Alex stared down at the piece, almost as though he was trying to silently apologize to it. You placed your hands on his, trying to calm the shaking.

“Shhh… It’s okay...Alex, look at me.” He didn’t respond. “Alex, please… Look at me.” You said a bit more softly. You gave his hands a light squeeze as he turned his head to look at you. “I’m so sorry Alex...I’m so, so sorry…” You could feel how hurt he was with his eyes alone. It wasn’t the years of destroyed work that bothered him, it was the memories now reduced to cinders that were getting to him. Alex had talked with you about Laurens in the past. No matter what label you put on their relationship, it still was real. You felt as though it was more than just a friendship but you never wanted to pry. He shook his head and you let him lean onto your shoulder. You shifted over so you would be in front of him, his forehead moving into the crook of your neck. You wrapped your arms around his back to pull him in closer, he seemed to find it comforting. You looked over at the door and saw Philip standing on the porch. You couldn’t figure out why you felt so conflicted, he seemed just as confused.

“Need any help?” He mouthed to you.

“No, I’ve got him.” You mouthed back. He nodded and went back inside. After a few minutes, you felt Alex start to relax. You moved your hand over to his and tilted his head up. “Are you okay to go back inside now? I can help you clean up the study a little bit.” You smiled sadly at him.

“Yes...I believe I’m alright now.” He sighed. He stood up and helped you off the ground. The two of you went back inside and made your way to the study, it was still as messy as it was before. You closed the door behind you.

“Okay, I’ll start with the papers…” I just did this last night! UGH! You went over and began to pick up the papers, you straightened them up as you walked over to the desk. But you felt a hand touch your waist, stopping you in your tracks. Your arm slowly fell, the papers going with it, landing back on the floor. You recognized the feeling, the hand specifically. Then you felt the person pressed against your back. “Alex…?”

“Don’t worry, it’s just me.” He responded, his words hit the side of your head. “I just...wanted to say thank you…You truly helped me today, I’m not quite used to accepting help. Most people choose not to bother.” You stayed still as he spoke.

“Alex, of course I’m going to help you! I understand a lot of the stuff you go through and I really care about you…”

“I care about you too Y/N, more than I should admit. That’s why I feel as though I must remind you of something. I trust you with my deepest thoughts, which to me is worth more than my own life. I had hoped for you to trust me equally but last night...I had to have broken that trust. I was weak but that is no excuse for what I did! I made advances on you that were not for a just man to have done, I became the thing that you fear! I can’t apologize enough for how horrid I was...Look, even now it’s difficult for me to pull myself away from you!” His hand began to move away from your waist but you grabbed his wrist and snaked his arm back around. He was taken aback by this, and so were you.

“I do trust you Alex...That’s why I… What happened last night wasn’t one sided, Alexander.” You leaned back against his chest.

“Wait...What?” You could already feel your heart racing.

“I leaned into that kiss too... and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since...God, I sound like a terrible person, huh?” He took a deep breath after your answer.

“So you regret it?” He asked.

“It...depends on what you mean by ‘regret’. Do I think that it was a mistake? Yes. Did I enjoy it and can’t stop imagining it? Also yes. So, I suppose it just depends on who you’re asking…” He turned you around, you were so close. You could feel his breath on your skin. His hand came up to caress your cheek, his thumb trace lightly against your bottom lip.

“Is...this a mistake too?” He asked softly, you shivered.

“Yes…”

“Should we stop?” You took a moment to respond.

“No.”  He didn’t waste a second after that answer. He pressed his lips into yours, the same feeling of confusion waving over you. You backed up and ended up hitting the desk, your arms wrapped around his neck as he lifted you up to sit on it. You thought for a moment that you heard a sound from the opposite side of the room but you couldn’t be sure. He pulled away quickly, leaving you gasping for air.

“You know, you can always say no to this…” He informed you.

“I don’t think I know how.”  

[megatraven]

who’s your favourite LI from each series you’ve read? :o and why?

*claps hands together* ALRIGHT!!!! (warning: as i typed i grew more and more long-winded and i dont apologize for it but u should kno)

alright obviously i have to start off with Astoria, of which Alex is my favorite LI! I'm not gonna go into why because *gestures to entire blog* and i've made multiple posts about it

from Immortal Heart Society, it's definitely Emilio thus far. admittedly i havent tried reading the other two, but I like emilio a lot! he's really grumpy and weary it seems, but i find the grumpiness charming and the weariness feels like it's there to be driven away by mmc's fresh approach and excitability. he's fun so far!

from My Siren Crush, I gotta say it's Maxime so far!! he and Arianna only have 6 episodes each so it's hard to say, but i LOVE his personality and how sweet he is. I really like that he's shy and that he does a lot of different kinds of art, and how gentlemanly he is!

from Ever After Academy, it's definitely Arin!! Sure they've only got one season so far, but they were my favorite character almost right off the bat, before we even knew they'd be getting a route! I love how much they care about the people around them and ho they do their best to do the right thing, how they take on so many responsibilities and are willing to do so again and again, if that's what it takes to get a happy ending for everyone. they're so funny, too, and i just really am a slut for the dynamic they have with fmc, the HISTORY....... incredible

from Tales of the Wild, it's Bram!!!!!!!! my sweet bear boy, he's so kind and gentle and strong and Stubborn af..... i really really love bears so i knew i was a goner the instant we were able to vote for him to be a new LI. his route is really interesting so far, too, what with MC being a dinae whose animal form was stolen! he cares so much about her and just wants to keep her safe, to the point he makes a Very Important Oath to her... like......... he cares her....... its so sweet..

from Reigning Passions it's gotta be Xenia!!! :D i admit i have a Slight obsession with spider-people, and the moment I saw her i knew that I was gonna love her to death. when she got a route i was so overjoyed! she's just. so genuine in everything that she does, she does her best to truly do what's right and what's good for the kingdom, and for mc. she's incredibly smart and resourceful, her magic is SO COOL, and she's just really really gorgeous. i like her dry sense of humor and her blushing sprite...... i love that she slowly gives her trust to mc, and confides to her about personal matters such as her late husband, and how she clearly still loves him even whilst loving mc. she feels like such a unique character, i really just adore her <3

from Sin With Me, i've gotta say my favorite atm is Onyx! I love all the routes, but DAMN onyx's really went all out with making her a fucking DRAGON?!??!?!?!? queen shit. she was also a really unique route in that she dealt with a lot of trauma from past abuse and had to learn to open up about it and accept that what happened t her wasn't right, and that she wasn't a failure for it. it had such a strong found family feeling, even compared to the other routes. everyone just wanted her to be happy. they accepted mc into their ranks quickly because she made onyx happy, and that's all the troupe wanted. and she is so pretty and funny..... she's so CUTE...... and i think it's one f the few cases where the LI is shorter than the MC?? idk she's just. so badass, and i loved her route to pieces!!!

from Sweet Enchantments my favorite is Lucien! (with a shoutout to emeril for close second)! the character growth he undergoes in his route is just ASTOUNDING, it's written and paced so well, i can't help but love it and him!!! also one of my favorite colors is turquise and thats His Color(tm) so im a hoe for that. i just. really my big thing with him is that he grows and flourishes into such an incredible character, so sweet and humble. he's also a very very funny LI (imo), and i love seeing him interact with all the other sweets characters! his cgs are the most gorgeous things...... there's a scene where he takes mc into the human world, to a cafe so she can call her parents, and it's so sweet. there's another where he takes her out and plays soccer with her. he just cares so much about her and her wellbeing, and even when he gets afraid that she'll leave him (when she's feeling homesick especially), he talks it out with her and learns to move past those feelings. he promises himself to her before he's even out of Sweets, and i just.......... it's so romantic and precious ;O; <3

from Havenfall it's always gonna be Mackenzie!!!!!! she was my VERY FIRST lovestruck route so she is always going to have a very special place in my heart. plus i mean. LOOK AT HER. her cute face and her CUTE WOLF EARS <333 she's so cool and nerdy!!! she's so STRONG!!! her protective streak is so charming and endearing..... the way that she forgives annabelle and damien and accepts them into her little supernatural family is really precious <3 she's so strong and that strength comes not only from her, but from her bonds with everyone else, and it's...... magical. it really stole my heart and sold me on lovestruck!!

from Love & Legends my favorite (so far) is Alain! I've only read three full routes so far, but Alain is incredible despite the shortness of his route. afaik it's the only route where the mc actually has magic (which i like), and they're ACTUALLY childhood friends to lovers in that mc is a reincarnation across time and space of his childhood friend. he's so cool and sweet, he would do absolutely anything for her because he loves her so so much. which is definitely one of his faults and what led him to being one of the Witch Queen's generals, but when mc came around......... you could tell he was so broken hearted by everything, but that he couldn't bear to not love her, even when it made him bad. and you can see that love again, when mc is selfish, and he leaves her out of anger in chicago. he keeps an eye on her despite his anger and his hurt, because his love is that strong. at some point, this one god speaks and says that alain's route is the only one of his lifetimes that doesn't end in tragedy, where he gets to be happy. i lvoe that trope so much even though it hurts so much. in the other two routes i've finished, he can't leave the witch queen's side, because she's that friend he knew, who he's loved for so long. in his own route, he's only able to leave the witch queen because he finds mc- a glance into what the witch queen could have been. who she should have been. someone kind and strong, who would love him, too. i dunno. his route is just really amazing and so is he :)

in Starship Promise......... it's a hard choice, but i have to say Nav ;O;; whenever i think of nav i think of that one fucking scene........ the one that broke my heart and made me cry for like Days. Stop him. Stop him. Stop him. gods, that was an incredible scene, i don't think i'll ever get over how powerful it was. not to mention... SALAD BOY!!!!! nav is Also a very funny character. he's a secret sadboy who tries to hide it with his charm and good looks, which, A for effort bud. he ends up being unable to leave mc behind, because- even though it scares him- he's fallen for her. his story is really incredible, he's an amazing character and it was wonderful to see him get the justice he deserved.

for Villainous Nights, i'll have to say my favorite LI is Lorelei! :D i'd say renzei and juliette are super close seconds tho. but Lorelei!!!!!!!!! I think she was one of the first routes I read following mackenzie, and she was definitely the first I read from villainous nights! i loved how strong and silent she was, and how much she loves coffee, and how she can make the earth quake. i always loved how hard she tries, how much effort she puts into being in control of herself, how much she does to try making things right. she did bad things in the past, blinded by optimus' promise to do good. and when she realized it, she couldn't stay with them. she turned her back on them and did her damned best to make up for all the hurt she caused. she loves the earth and its people and its nature, and she wants to keep it all safe. she had a broken heart, but with mc by her side, she's finally able to heal and find closure that she couldn't get before, on her own. not to say every LI isn't unique, but lorelei's is another route that just really stood out from the others. her panic attacks, the way she goes mute when she's overwhelmed, how the earth trembles when she gets angry or afraid and how she tries to push her emotions down to stop it........ i havent any of that- especially her muteness- in any other LI in the app. (not that ive read every story yet). lorelei is really incredible and i love her lots my butch wife ;O;

for Queen of Thieves, it's DEFINITELY Nikolai! first and foremost he's demi!!!!!!!! which i was so excited to find out about!!!!!!!!!! that made me instantly love him, and i think that ended up being the reason why i finally started reading QOT at all. i'll take all the a-spec rep i can get, thanks. aside from that, his route is just..... incredibly well-written. everything about it feels like it has this quiet intensity, which matches him perfectly. his self-sacrificing bullshit..... his truly tragic backstory........ how he came to make the poppy........ ho much he loves his little family, how much he loves mc, how much he loves ELIZABETH......... there's nothing abut nikolai that i dont love. he's so smart, but so fucking stupid sometimes, it's the best. he's the best. that first night, in his last season i believe, when he didn't have a nightmare for the very first time ever........... i don't know if i have ever been so happy for a fictional character before. i was so overjoyed for him. he's an incredible character and so, so interesting and multi-faceted, i can't imagine anyone else taking place for my #1 qot character :^)

and last but not least.... Gangsters in Love! My favorite here...... changes a lot, i'm not even gonna lie. it's ALWAYS constantly changing between chance, rory, and ash. like. i just can't pick one. so i wont go into as much detail here as the other paragraphs, but chance is just so FUNNY and dumb like yeah he's a badass ganglord wh orides a motorcycle but also he wears a shirt with a stupid little frog on it i LOVE him. i love how much he loves his gang, how much he loves mc. and ash... who WOULDNT love ash? he's such a sweetie and his smiling sprite makes my heart stumble and he's a dog person???? dream man. he's so silly and cute, he does his best to protect the gang and find justice for his sister, it's so admirable ;o;; and RORY!!!! rory is so badass and cool, she's wicked smart and kinda reckless but in the most charming way. i always really appreciated that her route touched on her alcoholism and showed her growing past it. i loved her character growth in general, and i ESPECIALLY loved how she acted towards stella and how she grew to love her.

that's..... that's it, i think!!!! :0c thanks so much for asking!!!!