#am i pretty? by sunday cruise

[discoidal]

albums for ur valentines day needs ❤️❣️✨

[xxnashiraxx]

WIP Whenever!

Thank you for tagging me @khywren !!! 🖤🩷🖤🩷

I have some more crumbs for Chapter 8 of With Stars to Fill My Dream, coming out Sunday!

This is the more fun, less anger fueled section of the chapter. Heavy emphasis on the word fun! (Fun fact, long ago I posted a snippet of this exact passage, but much has changed since then!)

Rather than being able to hear and see his thoughts manifest, his vampiric connection threads their emotions together like a silken tapestry of color. A pretty blend of red, orange, and green blooms like fireworks against a dark sky, dazzling behind her eyelids. She isn’t sure if it’s him, or her, or the both of them, but god it’s beautiful. It courses through her until the tingling starts, cruising up and down her nervous system to burn her core and singe her fingertips. She’s never felt a desire this intense, not even on her own. It’s all-consuming, raging like a fire where before she’d been submerged in ice.

As her tears start to dry on her cheeks, she slips a hand from covering her mouth to instead tentatively thread through his curls. His hair is soft, cool like lace as it tickles her knuckles. He doesn’t seem to mind, and she gently scrapes her nails over his scalp, earning a thrust of his hips. She gasps and her vision sparks, his hands moving to her waist to clench tightly as she bites back a crude moan. The usual voice of reason in her head is being uncharacteristically silent, and she can’t help but yield to instinct in its place.

The fingers of her other hand move up to his neck, softly pressing her palm over his Adam's apple, and she’s lulled into a trance by the rhythmic bobbing of every swallow. She can’t see his face, but she can feel a smile in the shape of his lips on her skin and it burns her cheeks, making her shiver and sigh into the night air

My people! I am tagging you again, and I'm sorry if it's twice. Please ignore if so!

@preciouslittlebhaalbae @ladyduellist @verbenaa @inkymoonbunny @justabiteofspite @sashitf

[delopsia]

I miss the boys and having the case of Sunday scaries. How would Bob and Rhett take your mind off things?

Here I am...several days later...multiple Sundays later...oops 🧍‍♂️

Bobby's the kind of guy who's initially gonna lay out the offer to talk about what's got you so nervous; he'd feel guilty if he didn't give you the chance to talk about it with him. He can listen and let you talk until your voice is shot or he can try to offer potential solutions from an outside perspective. It all depends on what you want at the moment.

But if you don't want to talk about it, then he's got a list of go-to's that typically cheer you up. Wanna go out and get some snacks together? Watch a movie? Both? What if he does that thing where he gently rubs the tension out of your hands? Running his thumbs in soft circles, unwinding the knots, and distracting you from everything else going on in the world.

Or, if that all fails, he can and will do something to make you laugh. Sometimes, that's showing you a funny video on your phone. Others, it means making a fool of himself. The man is not above intentionally tripping himself or falling off the bed if it'll get you to start giggling.

Rhett...isn't exactly that great at handling things like this. He's just as lost as you are. He's always released his strongest emotions by climbing on the back of a thousand-pound animal. But he's not? Taking you to the rodeo and sticking you on a bull?

So he goes to his second best remedy, going out for a drive in his truck. No destination in mind, just cruising and playing your favorite songs.

If that's not an option, then he's got one other idea up his sleeve. When Amy was little and learning to sleep alone in her bedroom, Rebecca bought her a weighted blanket, saying something about the pressure creating some sort of calming effect. Rhett doesn't have any of those fancy things, but he's heavy enough to be comparable, right?

So he just lays on you. Typically without warning; one minute, you're staring at the ceiling, and the next, you've got a cowboy blanket snuggled on top of you. He'll hum, trace idle shapes into your skin, press kisses into your chest, anything he can do to keep you focused on him and not whats in your head.

Together, they make for an interesting duo because their methods don't really change. Bobby's still gonna give you the offer to talk about it, but as he's doing this, Rhett is actively clambering on top of you. Which does sometimes end in them both laying on you, one on either side of your body.

Rhett's still got his methods of distraction, and Bob will typically mirror them, humming along or tracing his own shapes into your belly. But if they're having a hard time keeping you out of your head, then they'll intentionally bicker. Sometimes, this even escalates to playful wrestling. Anything to keep you distracted.

Their second best method is resorting to a combination of pointless driving and going out for snacks. Cruising in the bench seat of Rhett's truck, looking at the scenery as he drives to various places for everyone's favorite treats. Bob wouldn't typically want to drive twenty minutes to another store because this one doesn't have his favorite ice cream flavor, but doing so means spending more time in the truck. And who knows what kind of distracting things y'all will find on your trip?

They're not the best at it, but they're pretty good at finding a distraction for you 🌷

[goitale]

INTRODUCTION POST!!!

hello! i'm goi! they/them pronouns please!

i am a nonbinary lesbian, who is taken by a v pretty person!

my favorite color is orange:3

yes i use a typing quirk! þ=th

im currently very interested in: Minecraft: Story Mode <3, Phighting (Roblox), Splatoon, Old technology!!!, my gf's ocs!!

i have comfort ships!!! which are currently: Jesstra, Pearlina, Agent24, Array

PLZ INTERACT: mutual interests, jesstra shippers, jesskas shippers, pearlina shippers, awesome artists, LGBTQIA+!!

PLZ DNI: basic dni critera, homophobic, transphobic, furry haters, etc. + aidesse, medhammer, and other toxic/problematic shippers

fun facts:

im a chronic reblogger, my cool posts/reblogs r in featured tags #pinning this, and #pinning this fr! + specific posts too!

my favorites r in #gois favs , where its stuff i wanna look at again! if u get a reblog w þat tag, you won/gen

i rarely change my profile!

my music taste stinks, my bad chat

i play roblox alot!

i have a ps3, 3ds, wii, minicassette tape recorder/player, and more old stuff!!

i do wax melting when i send mail, letters, etc.!

i love cats!!

i write ao3 stuff! mostly of dead source content fandoms or ocs!

now for a wall of buttons:

music i listened to recently!! (no i dont have spotify):

+508 songs... i love game music!

we can b mutuals if you know me on discord!!! :3 just do an ask to lmk or else i wont follow back my baddd

pronouns page:

idrk what else to say my badddd

feel free to ask questions or @ me in cool posts!

HIDDEN FUN FACT!!!! THIS BLOG IS COLOR CODED! pink = misc but cool thing

u can guess what þe 'key' is :3

[culturefit]

Eight ( kind of lesser-known) "Riot Grrrl" bands that you should check out:

Some "Riot Grrl" bands that you may not know of, and some that you might. All on Spotify.

Slutever; Discography: Album: Almost Famous. Singles: White Flag, 1994, Pretend to Be Nice.

Cheap Perfume; Discography: Albums: Burn It Down; Nailed It. Singles: No Men; TKO; It's Okay (To Punch Nazis).

Bratmobile; Discography: Albums: Pottymouth (Remastered); Girls Get Busy; Ladies, Women and Girls; Pottymouth. Singles: The Real Janelle EP.

Mommy Long Legs; Discography: Albums: Try Your Best; Life Rips. Singles: Rock Product; Assholes.

Dream Nails; Discography: Latest Release: Femme Boi. Albums: Dream Nails. Singles: Good Guy; Lonely Star (Christmas Song); They/Them; Take up Space; DIY; This Is the Summer; Vagina Police 2.0; Jillian; Kiss My Fist; Payback; Text Me Back (Chirpse Degree Burns); Corporate Realness; Double A Side; Dare to Care; Tourist; Diy; Deep Heat, Bully Girl.

Sorry Mom; Discography: Latest Release: babyface. Singles: Teeth; Shaving My Legs; Hiccup; Molly Sells Molly By The Seashore; Hit the Back; Juno Goes to the Big House.

Babes in Toyland; Discography: Albums: Minneapolism (Live); Nemesisters; Painkillers; Fontanelle; To Mother; Spanking Machine. Singles: We Are Family. Compilations: The Complete Albums 1990-1995.

Sunday Cruise; Discography: Albums: SCREAMING IN THE MIRROR; Am I Pretty? . Singles: I Should've Stayed Home; Bathroom Tiles; Pretty Baybee; Falling // Friday Night; Sunflower; Sunday Cruise.

[rivaindaisies]

some dragon age music headcanons bc it’s fucking late and i feel extra neurodivergent today

origins

morrigan is such a fucking edge lord in this game, she absolutely gatekeeps what she listens to but it’s pretty basic alternative stuff. arctic monkeys but only am and fsvorite worst nightmare, mindless self indulgence, a lot of joy division (she absolutely is the type of person to go up to someone in an unknown pleasures shirt and ask them to name three songs), some nirvana, pixies, etc. her favorite songs are arabella by arctic monkeys, back to the old house by the smiths, and probably mascara by deftones. she doesn’t listen to metal a lot but has a few deftones and lamb of god songs on her playlists.

leliana is trying to recreate her life in this game. she’s running from a lot of things, but also beginning to reflect. since she hasn’t been through as much as she has in inquisition, her music taste is much more relaxed here. i think she’d love dreamy shit, like the cocteau twins and the sundays especially. she listens to some lana del rey as well, mostly just nfr/lust for life. there’s a band called another sunny day i feel like she’d fuck with a lot too. her favorite songs are goodbye by the sundays and white mustang by lana del rey.

alistair listens to top 40 and nothing else

origins is my least favorite so i can’t think of much else for companions, i have the lowest time played as well so 🤷‍♂️

da2

varric has the most dad music taste you could imagine. all classic rock, nothing else. i can very clearly imagine him cruising around blasting ac/dc and kiss.

fenris doesn’t listen to music, he just sort of goes along with what the others are playing. he likes slower songs, they help calm him down. if romanced, he ends up listening to the songs hawke likes and developing the same music taste as them and i think it would be a connection for them

isabela has some rare genuine self awareness in the music she listens to. she listens to lana del rey and marina and the diamonds, and that’s about it. her favorite albums from lana are born to die, paradise, and ultraviolence. her favorite marina albums are electra heart and froot. her favorite songs are i’m a ruin/rootless by marina, ride by ldr, and the other woman by ldr as well. hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have is the only later lana song she like LOVES. basically 2014 tumblr taste but oh well

merrill listens to mainly instrumental music, either classical guitar or orchestral music. it helps her focus and calms her down quite a bit. she also really enjoys folk music. some of her favorite albums are shaken by a low sound by crooked still, someday we will foresee obstacles by syd matters, and dear wormwood by the oh hellos.

anders is also an angst fest. he listens to a lot of the smiths, mother mother (and hes very particular about being a “real fan” and knowing them before they blew up) and some nu metal as well. his favorite songs are this charming man by the smiths, 7 words by deftones, and you should all be murdered by another sunny day. calm me down by mother mother as well.

aveline listens to ed sheeran and coldplay exclusively. i don’t know why i feel this way but i do and im gonna leave it at that

inquisition

leliana has been through so much over the last ten years, and the music she listens to reflects that. she doesn’t listen to music much anymore, but has a couple songs that she listens to. her taste is a lot heavier now- deftones, lamb of god, and some death metal as well. no specific bands, just whatever is the loudest and heaviest. i hc that morrigan showed her a few smiths songs during origins, and the one that stuck with her most is that joke isn’t funny anymore. she listens to it a lot, and relates to it a lot. it’s her favorite song. a few honorable mentions to that are sextape by deftones, and blood of the scribe by lamb of god. sometimes, she listens to the songs she loved back in dao times and gets lost in the memories of that time. her favorite song for that is the greatest by lana del rey.

josephine is mainly a classical/opera listener. i cannot picture her listening to anything else. maybe sometimes she gets angry, or exhausted/fed up with her job, and listens to the things she considers to be “heavy” but it’s something like acdc which she considers to be basically death metal because it has an audible electric guitar.

the chargers just blast dad music 24/7, along with varric/sera/blackwell.

cassandra absolutely listens to love songs all the time. she falls asleep listening to a playlist filled with songs like video games/love song/without you/lucky ones by lana. i feel like she was absolutely a tumblr girl and never grew out of that music taste despite presenting as an absolute hardass.

dorian adores artists like kylie minogue, lady gaga, etc. his favorite songs are shampain by marina, aura by lady gaga, and 911 also by gaga lmao. he also for SURE owns a justice for artpop shirt.

i have a lot more but don’t want to type any more out if this gets any attention i’ll add more tho- if you’ve somehow read this far into my adhd rambles thank you 🙏🙏 and comment ur thoughts/ideas of what characters would listen to

[solangelostars]

SOLANGELOSTARS INTRO

--some memories never leave your bones.

BASIC INFO

hello !!! this is my official intro to my tumblr page. For some background, I left tumblr about 2 years ago, but now I am back and ready to give editing one more chance.

-> I'm mori !! I use mostly he/it prns, and some neos. I'm trans ftm, cupioromantic, and gay. I have a horrible obsession with iced tea and like to rant abt things. I'm an ISTP 6w5, and my alignment is chaotic neutral.

INTERESTS

I am a multifandom blog, so I will post anything I want to here !! Here's a list of some of my fave things !!

-> tv: the umbrella academy, ginny and georgia, alice in borderland, heartstopper, total drama island, avatar: the last air bender, the legend of korra, daybreak

-> movies: barbie, the ballad of songbirds and snakes, the perks of being a wallflower, fantastic mr. fox, beautiful boy

-> anime/manga: bungo stray dogs, hirano and kagiura, sasaki and miyano, the case study of vanitas, toilet bound hanako kun, given, sk8 the infinity

-> music: mitski, ricky montgomery, will wood and the tapeworms, lemon demon, conan gray, remember sports, sunday cruise

-> games/others: ensemble stars, honkai impact 3rd, honkai: star rail, genshin impact, helios rising heroes, cookie run kingdom, project sekai, obey me, nijisanjien (🧤🥽)

right now, I'm looking for moots!! I'm open to pretty much anyone, and I came back to Tumblr to make some new friends, as well as revisit old ones. Tumblr has changed a lot since I last created, so I appreciate people showing me around. I hope we can get along well !!

[aestheticvoyage2023]

Day 264: Thursday September 21, 2023 - "Afternoons with Dad"

I try hard to make the afternoons with Dad active and memorable and not just running out the clock until bath time, and today I got a shock that really made me consider why that was so important.

With these new week day chops, I tell myself its not that its going to be easier than those weekend days, just different cadence. Instead of a full Saturday and Sunday Ive got to fill up right, I am going to be responsible for mornings and afternoons before and after a trip to the Montessori School. A new routine to build - a new plan to make.

Today he was all smiles after school pickup. He enjoyed wearing his new cars shirt and his new shoes to cruise in. Today, his fourth at school with no diaper, he had a successful potty and was sure to tell me that he felt he deserved a big truck for that accomplishment. I didnt have a big truck, but I did have a new puzzle of all the planets. We sat in the great room and worked on it together, learning each planet as places he could go visit in his rocket ship. He then wanted to bring it in his rocket ship seat as if it was a roadmap. Well played. I pointed out Earth - 'we live here' - our neighborhood. Soon, he was telling me pee was coming, and I wondered if it was to try to see what else might be in the prize closet. Unfortunately though, there are no more potty prizes to collect. He's aced it. He continues to work on getting his pants down on his own, but other than he's all about "William do it" - when he resolved to there being no more potty prize, he changed tact - "orange popsicle. big" - ok, that I can do. He's earned it. I love how he is at just the right height now where when he stands next to me, his head and long hair are right at my hand where i can rub his head and pull it into my leg as he hugs me and I tell him he's doing a really good job.

As the afternoon temps dropped, we ventured out to the driveway to play with the cars on the pavement, and shoot off rockets as high as we could. Over and over and over again, from red, yellow, blue - he'd run in a circle counting down from five and then plant perfectly on the launch button, pushing the rocket ship up towards the moon (or at least 10-12 feet). I let him do this for as long as it was fun for him - if he wanted to do this until bath time, I would have been all for it. Fun for both of us. For dinner we hit the store to get weekend provisions, and a quick trip to Bdubs, before home to watch football, play with trucks. William said he wanted hot dog and french fries, and so I pulled that together for him, using french fries with smiley faces that he really liked. As bath time neared, he was bored with football and came up to me perfectly calm and said "watch firebuds please." Turns out maybe potty training isn't the only muscle we've been building. I was happy to oblige. He crawled up on me and rewarded my compliance with cuddles. It was the best part of my day. I turned on a couple episodes of Firebuds to wind down the night then we did a clingy bath time and an easy bed time in which I read a Halloween wheels on the bus, then Little Blue Truck's Halloween, and finishing with a soothing quiet reading of Goodnight Moon. 10 minutes later he'd be asleep and Id be sneaking out. Success.

Its not a full weekend day like I am used to, but still so important. Important connection time that he'll remember what it looked like, especially as the blocks build day in and day out on these coming months. And he reminded me today why it was important.

When we were leaving to go to the store, he was saying something I couldnt understand, a pretty common deciphering puzzle game these past couple weeks as his confidence in his language blooms faster than his ability to pull the right phrase together. Whatever it was, it sounded like Mookie Betts. Over and over again. So I said "what do you know about Mookie Betts. Did you know he plays for the Dodgers?" William looked at me confused - obviously Mookie Betts was not the intended topic of conversation. "Do you remember going to see the Dodgers?" I asked, and William confidently responded with a "yes" - the the normal "i-dont-know-what-you're-talking-about-Yes" that we very often hear. I said Oh! do you remember who we saw the Dodgers with? and he caught me way off guard when he said "Chad!" and then doubled down with the fact that he "got a bobble guy to bring home" which were all true facts. Out of the Dodger blue from 3 months ago. No prompts, or help or any recent reminders. When I told Audrie that night on facetime, her jaw dropped. "Its all in there" she said- but to hear him recall that with such good memory for something that we didn't make a real big deal out of at the time, really brought home that everything we're doing right now counts. He's remembering. He's feeling. He's experiencing, and he's wiring. All those times I push through the exhaustion or the stress or the anxiety to show up and do good, its all going in there. These random Thursday afternoons, are just as important as any time. "hey remember that time we fired rockets off in the driveway?" or rode the train at the zoo, or let you eat your own pizza slice at mod pizza? I wonder what all is in there that he can recall and what else will surprise me. I assumed that this day would be out in the future some time when he would start remembering and pulling the dots together, but I guess that day is now and I am so glad I don't have to worry about what I might be doing to mess it up.... i am so happy to hear that he is remembering these days and these fun experiences we do. Its good motivation to keep up this important good work of being a solid, tired dad.

Song: Ugly Kid Joe - Cats In The Cradle

Quote: “There is no scent of nostalgia like a fragrance drawn from the garden of childhood memories.” ― Aloo Denish

[bigscarymads]

If you hear about parks where men "cruise" for sex with other men, that's actually a way for the American government to hide the entrances to top secret facilities. It deters people from getting suspicious if they see men coming and going at odd hours. If anyone says anything, well... why should we take someone hanging out at an infamous gay cruising spot seriously. You can dismiss it as a "sex thing." The gays won't talk because if you put a guard there, they'll just assume it's a cop trying to rain on the parade. It's actually pretty brilliant.

Anyway, Sharon. THAT'S why I was heading to the park at 1:27 AM on a Sunday.

[pbandjesse]

I am pretty badly burnt out. I miss being home. Don't get me wrong! I have had the best time, this has been such a beautiful trip. But man. I am so tired and still very worried about missing things or not taking advantage of something so I'm being just a little hard on myself.

We went to bed really early last night but the ship was moving so much that I was getting really nauseous. So I ended up watching a documentary and playing a puzzle game on my phone until like midnight. I was able to sleep for a while but I had a really bad dream that startled me at like 4am and falling back asleep was tough. James woke up too and made me feel a little better but it was still upsetting.

We woke up for real around 630. The ship was already docked! And so we got dressed and cozy and headed to breakfast.

I was a little foggy. Which matched the weather. It was rainy out and very grey. James ran back to the room to get our umbrella. Just in case. And we had breakfast and it was nice.

We would head out and got off the ship really easily. After that first day in Juneau there hasn't been any trouble. I think everyone realized it wasnt that deep. So we got off and we were at the pier.

This is the newest cruise dock in Alaska. And while that was neat, its not in walking distance of the downtown anymore. And so even though we had planned to go on a hike, we were a 2 hour walk away from the trail. So that wasn't going to work.

I felt a little stressed because we didn't have direction now. But I wanted to stay positive. We took the shuttle to town. And it took a while but it was fun seeing everything go by. We even got to see eagles!

When we got down town we walked down the piers. I was just a little upset with myself for being so tired and out of it. I liked seeing the totem poles and reading the signs. I loved being with James. But I was tired and a little directionless so I felt. Not myself.

We did find a musuem! A little one and it was great. I got really emotional reading about a dinosaur and seeing the pictures of children that were rescued from the dump. I spoke to the woman at the desk about how beautiful the displays were. I felt more settled.

I was filled with anxiety though. And so even though it was drizzling and 45 degrees I took my jackets off and had my bare arms out cause I was overheating.

James bought me a lime green moose plush. And I took pictures of the pretty flowers. We took pictures. I thought about actually fulfilling my plan to go to a thrift store but it didn't open until 10 and I decided to not follow through. I don't want to buy anything else. I was still a little on edge. But I had James with me and I was happy.

The trashcans were all decorated like canned salmon which I thought was so cute and I loved the boats. We saw more eagles. It was great but it was time to go back to the boat. I was emotionally done.

The port had a little maker mall. So I got a few more little things. Talked to a lumberjack who made a really cool display about the paper pulp company that was there. Took pictures with bear plushies. James got me a really neat hoodie that I love. I am nervous about having a white sweatshirt, but it's so cool. Going to be very cozy. And then we finally, finally found a pair of raven earrings for James! And they look so cute on them!! Precious.

We got back to the boat and it was storming and windy. And the boat would start rocking and just kept rocking. When we first got back we would get some stuff to go hang out in the observation lounge. I worked on drawing and had a soda. James made sure our shuttle to the airport is all good for Sunday. We watched the world.

We went to get lunch next. It wasn't as horribly busy, mostly because the all aboard hadn't been called yet. So we had lunch and it was pretty good. The desserts were fine, though the one just tasted like butter.

Eventually we went outside. We brought our blanket. And it was raining and cold but I was having fun. Played games on my phone. Listened to my podcast. Enjoyed sitting with James. And then the ship started to move. It was time to leave Alaska.

I feel really lucky and grateful that we got to do this. I absolutely loved Alaska. I loved the mountains. I love the water. This has just been so wonderful. I just feel so happy, it's hard not to get teary. I am just so lucky.

We would spend a lot of time outside just enjoying the water. It was cold and I didn't have my jacket, just my fleece. James wrapped me up in my blanket and we walked around to watch the back of the boat. No whales still but that's alright I still really enjoyed all the little islands and trees and birds. I am going to miss this.

I started getting to cold. So we went inside and went to the game room. We had better luck with the hunt a killer app but not enough service to actually watch everything. So we gave up and James did a cross word and I played my puzzle and watched the water.

The ship was rocking very very hard. We're moving pretty fast and the waves are large, probably from the storm. Which made me just a little dizzy. So after a while I requested we go back to the room for a while.

We hung out there for a while. Letting our phones charge. James was able to get the new Zelda on their switch so they were able to play that for a while. I watched videos. Eventually I got horrible pins and needles in my foot and had to get up. Yelling and comparing the whole time. But I would stretch and things would be good again.

I wanted to walk around. We would go and loop the deck in the rain. It was scary out there!! But we were being silly and having fun. We saw some of our friends and said hi. I found another duck!! We also hid one of mine. We poked around for a little bit soon went to dinner. I wasn't particularly hungry. But I got new foods. Corn bread and corn and some Indian food and some chickpeas in taziki. It was good. Mostly though we watched the storm.

It's like we're inside a big grey cloud. We can't see anything but the waves. It's eerie but strangely soothing.

We came to the observation deck after we finished trying some desserts. We were able to get two chairs right at the window next to a lovely couple. The one woman was embroidering a bird and I asked to see and it was so nice! We ended up talking about my projects and I showed them pictures of my coat and would show them my digital paintings. It was fun talking to them. But soon they would go and me and James would just sit here and I would draw and it was lovely.

I feel a lot better now. I started this post earlier in the day when I wasn't my best. But I feel more normal now. We will go back to the room soon and I will wash my hair and we will sleep.

Tomorrow is our last day in the cruise. We just got into Canadian water and we are stopping in Victoria but we decided we will probably stay on the boat. It doesn't come into port until 8pm because apparently it's maritime law that if you leave the us you have to stop in a foreign port. A little annoying we won't get to see the places we had planned but it's fine. We have a lot of life left and now we know these things are there. This trip gave us a lot of perspective in that way.

I hope you are all safe and warm. Goodnight everyone.

[sweetswesf]

Hey hey, y’all.

I’m mad Tumblr STILL hasn’t responded to any of my support tickets to get my messaging back. As an engineer, I am criticizing the app in a different way than most lol. There’s a lot of cool things with the UI, but the way you can’t separate primary & secondary blogs, some of the playback, the slow or no responses on support tickets is kinda getting to me. I didn’t think it’d frustrate me this much, but it does…Maybe it was protection…

I made a lot of progress last week. I feel like I am making strides and getting stronger with concepts. I had 2 onsites and a practice technical and I felt I did pretty good in all of them. Rejected from one in less than 24 hours, but that 1 involved a lot of semi negative back & forth with the recruiters for over a month, so I felt the decision was made before I even did the interview.

I was exhausted, but felt like I was detaching from the pain of things and just telling myself get through it. Even in my workouts. My body was tired but it felt like it was moving without my mind. I know it’s only God…I spent less time on social media, I spent less time procrastinating, and I can get through most 12 hour days without needing a nap. I am completely wiped out on my break days (Sundays) and take 4 hour naps then lol but I remember a time during my early months of being laid off where I couldn’t get through the day without a 3 hour nap.

I am about done with the sections of the API YouTube course I want to go over. It is a really good course and it’s at a good level of detail I need. I was familiar with the material, but this was good to solidify understanding of certain concepts. I think I have like one more day left that I’d like to spend on it for prep for my interviews. A lot of things make a lot more sense. I wanted to get past it so that I can focus more on system design and algos, but it was necessary to go over. I’m trying to balance learning quite a bit of topics: system design, APIs, DS&A, OOP, behavioral questions.

For you that have been commenting on my posts encouraging me, especially @mythgrippa-blog & @tenaciousdeveloper, I want to send a particular word of appreciation. Whenever I get a bit discouraged, I remember your comments, so thank you so much.

I even caught a butterfly by its wings! I’ve always wanted to do that, but I don’t think I’ll ever do that again. I won’t forget how surprisingly strong it was wriggling to get free. I quickly released it when I realized I could be hurting it’s wings! I’m sure I did though and the thought makes me sick. I never meant to hurt it. These are sentient beings. There was no need for me to do that. I didn’t realize I would hurt it before I did it. I was on break from an on-site, feeling good, listening to this song, and intrusive thoughts took over.

It flew away fine, but still…I’m sure I damaged the wings just by touching it. I felt a similar guilt when I thought my car would clear and not hit this cat that was laying in the middle of the street. It didn’t and I killed a little collar-less white kitten 😔. This was almost a decade ago. I don’t even own a car anymore but I still think about it & feel guilty.

I took a Cruise autonomous car ride. That was my 3rd time in an autonomous car ride, but 1st one by Cruise. After it, I was inspired. This is the type of things that drew me to tech in the 1st place…

School loans start accruing interest again at the end of this month, and I would like to pay those off. I haven’t looked into deferring my payments because I’m hoping I can pay them off before needing that option. It is humbling to go from having a lot of autonomy with spending to relying on government assistance. Life comes at you fast…I can’t judge anyone. I do, but I shouldn’t and I try not to. I am reminded everyday, with every new experience or challenge, that you truly don’t know what people are facing or what the heck you would do if in a similar scenario. Ideas & history are different from reality.

Pastor at church today said, “You think you have strong faith until something happens that tests it,” and I related hard. I reflect on everything. Sometimes I just sit and stare like, “I’m tired and I’m ready for a different reality.”

My mom comes at the start of September too, and I would like to fully enjoy that with her with my dream job. I will enjoy it regardless though.

I order from DoorDash less, to save money, and also, because there’s not that many options that are healthy, and regardless if the meal is healthy or not, I’ve had it so many times that I’d rather just try to make a replica of my own if I have time. Some things I just can’t replicate, but I do like that I’m empowering myself to have some control over that. I’m often negotiating between saving money and saving time when it comes to this food stuff.

Also, food at this point is one of the only break aways from work that I’m allowing myself to enjoy right now. A LOT of my community has left the city or don’t reach out despite my efforts of trying to maintain the relationship. I don’t want to forge new ones right now, because the emotional and financial investment is… a lot right now. Anytime you want free time outside these days, you end up spending like $50 at minimum! I also feel like I need to find someone to help on Sundays. Sundays are for rest though, and so far, I’ve taken up the whole day washing my hair, going to church, grocery shopping, cooking, eating, napping for 3 or 4 hours, reflecting, and YouTube video watching. I don’t study, I don’t do any chores, and I don’t even like cooking those days. I appreciate my Sundays for what they are for: rest.

A few people close to me asked me again this week if I wanted to keep doing this and I was audibly annoyed. They don’t think I’ve made success in the way I should, but they don’t know much about the industry or how things typically go on this side. They also don’t know my plan. They don’t have to, but it does because it kind of feels they don’t believe in my abilities. I don’t want to be struggling forever, but I don’t think I should give up. I want to do this. I mean, I even get the question a lot in interviews. Like, I transitioned about 3 years ago. Why are you still asking me why I transitioned? You’re wasting time when you could be asking me about my qualifications for this role. I’m sure non-career-transitioners (people with traditional backgrounds) don’t get asked why they chose that field. Does it matter WHY I’ve chosen it if I’ve been gainfully employed in it for years and am applying to keep doing it? It shouldn’t. This question is totally valid outside of interviews. I appreciate answering it then. It just feels invasive when asked in interviews. I could see if I was fresh out of my old career, but I’ve been working as a full time software engineer for more than 3. It almost feels like, “well duh!” at this point when it comes to choosing tech. Look around you. Why not?! EVERY industry damn there has been elevated and can’t survive without tech. It’s really hard to cover your basic needs and a lot people on a 6-figure salary are living paycheck to paycheck given how outrageous rent is. At least tech gives you a fighting chance. Look at me! A tech worker still with debt who’s now had to rely on government assistance…It feels similar to interviewers asking why I majored in something. It doesn’t matter at all when you should be looking at the work I’ve done for money.

It was recommended, and I agreed, that I should stop interviewing with startups and start interviewing with companies I would like to work at, so I’m doing that soon. I feel a bit impatient and when I do, I try to refocus and remind myself that I shouldn’t give up and potentially blow the progress made thus far (another word of encouragement from y’all reading, so thank you!). I just need to keep going, stop feeling rushed, be fearless, be strategic, have confidence, and know that God will give me something great in due time that’s fit for me that exceeds my expectations.

I’m grateful for vision, dexterity, my mental health, my education, having hot water, still being able to afford a gym membership and to never go hungry. To spend on organic groceries. I also still have quite a bit of savings. I didn’t realize but my high yield savings account has been kicking me back about the amount of a week’s worth of meals & groceries every month. Praise God. I also am still able to tithe and be generous to people who need help during this time.

The things that I wanted months and even weeks ago, like purses, shoes, etc. all seem so frivolous now. Thousands on these things? I’ve never spent that much on purses & shoes. I’ve never been that girl, but I HAVE bought a lot of excess before, or bought things, albeit cheap, that I thought I would use one day. I even imagined that once I get a job, I would treat myself on one of those $1k+ purses, just because I’m a 30 and never have bought anything designer. Now, I don’t even care about taking a vacation. I just want to wake up employed. I WILL take a vacation, but I don’t mind just visiting something local. I miss NYC like crazy! I’ve always wanted to visit Atlanta (my 1st visit was at night and was too short, I had to drive back to Nashville in the morning). Those purses and shoes are still NICE but, I don’t HAVE to have them like I once felt…Imma still treat myself, but the treats won’t be as extravagant/often/out of my honest price range.

Fashion blogs seem so DUMB to me now. The THOUSANDS people will pay and still be in debt or not own any assets seems CRAZY now. But it took this to open my eyes. I’ve been unemployed before when I was fresh out of bootcamp, and I went into super frugal mode, and promised myself to maintain those habits. I did a lot, but still made dumb decisions after I got employed again. Freeing myself from want this time around, I hope it sticks.

There were days this week where I woke up wanting to contact a particular dude from my past. Just thirsty and lonely and craving a hug. I kept saying, “I just want a hug.” It’s really just me. Day in & day out. Friends & family only call. Everyone close to me I have to talk to virtually through a screen/over the phone. It gets to me…someone will love me hard and give me the affection I crave one day. I need to rely on God’s love though and remember not to put too much dependence on people, but it’s okay to want a partner. God honors marriage and says a spouse is to supply the other’s needs for affection. Not one way: this is for both partners.

I’m grateful for everything this time has taught me and I don’t know if I would have learned it without this. I shun fear of not getting what I want. I refuse to believe that my efforts will go unrewarded. I chase away the devil that made me believe I was less than. In the meeting with my mentor last week, he said, “I’m going to be candid: the team did NOT like that you were let go. We all felt that you had made so much progress and we actually had a rant session about it.” That almost made me cry, because I felt like the weakest link on the team at that time, but to know that people respected my work and felt like great things were coming for me, confirmed my suspicions too that I KNEW things were looking up. I had finally felt comfortable, and then it felt like my progress was stopped. But I know, and I knew even when I got laid off, even without my next position, it wasn’t a mistake. God tends to shift things when you’re feeling comfortable. He’s trying to elevate me. I will be in a higher position my next role, potentially making more than double what I was. More than what I could have gotten if I stayed. I don’t fear getting let go as much anymore because I know how to do these algos, or, I know where I can go to refresh my understandings of them. I lived in fear before this and couldn’t truly enjoy anything because I knew there was a huge hole in my understanding of things in the interview & my career that I felt I didn’t have the time to learn. Nothing is by mistake and I’m grateful to Him. Amen!

I hope y’all are well too. Be blessed <3

[ruumiinlaulaja]

So yes, covid finally caught up with me. I knew I’d get it eventually, as there are always more and more contagious variants and everybody is just living their lives normally by now. Still, funny how it took this long for me, my brother and my mom’s partner to get it - and we all got it pretty much at the same time. I likely got it from mom’s partner, as I was around him on friday, and he started getting symtoms on friday night, and I started getting symtoms on sunday (and I also tested positive on sunday).

And boy, I’ve been feeling like absolute crap. I can’t remember the last time I felt this ill; the common cold does not give me such high fever like covid does (almost 39 C). This may be partly because I had my last vaccine in february, and I’m not allowed to get any more vaccines in this country (too young, no diagnosed diseases).

It’s day 3 now. Doesn’t feel like I have the fever now (I took meds immediately after waking up though), just feeling sweaty and stuffy and my nose is runny. Basically, now it feels like the common cold (but it did not feel like that before). I also can’t smell or taste anything today. :( But I am feeling a bit better now as compared to yesterday; yesterday I wouldn’t have been able to type this post. Fever makes me completely unable to function, unlike some people (like my sister).

I hope this’ll be over soon, and I hope I get to go on that Stockholm cruise next week I booked a couple of weeks ago (and I hope my sense of smell will be back by then).

[umichenginabroad]

[week 6] an eventful weekend with eurail

Ahoj everyone! 

Welcome back to my blog where we’ve had a very eventful week of traveling with a bunch of ups and downs. With that being said, let's jump right in!

Starting off the week in Prague, it was very chill where I just tried to recover my sleep schedule and continue working through my statistics course. I did end up finding a really great coffee shop called Venue where I had a cappuccino and a butterfly pea iced tea, both of which were amazing.

The original plan for the weekend was to take a 5:45 am train to Budapest on Thursday, stay for 2 days, then take a train to Vienna for 2 days, and come back on Sunday night to Prague. However, Thursday morning my three alarms did not go off which was very unfortunate and we ended up needing to get on the next train which was at 7:55 am. We also did not have any seat reservations anymore because it was a different train. We were very lucky because we found a cabin where a nice British man invited us to sit with him. I basically slept for the entire 7 hour train ride and finally arrived in Budapest. 

We did everything we could to see as much of the city as possible in the 2 days we were there. On day one, we visited the famous Parisi Udvar hotel, Buda Castle, the Fisherman’s Bastion, and a few other spots in the city with some amazing views. Unfortunately, it was almost 100 degrees the days we were in Budapest so we definitely could not do as much as we would have liked due to the insane heat. 

On day two, we had brunch at this restaurant which had a garden greenhouse vibe to it and it was very very good. We visited St. Stephen’s Basilica, Margaret Island, and the Hungarian Parliament building before we had our Prosecco river cruise, which is a staple activity for visiting the city. We unfortunately ran into a few issues that evening, but everyone ended up being okay but it definitely lowered Budapest in our rankings of places we’ve traveled to. 

The following morning we took a train to Vienna for 2 hours. Unfortunately, the train before the one we got on was canceled so our train was extremely overcrowded and we were forced to stand for the entire trip. Thankfully, when we got to Vienna things started to go a lot better for us. We met up with a bunch of other CEA friends and toured Belvedere Palace before we rested for a few hours before dinner. At dinner we tried the local delicacy of Wiener Schnitzel which was pretty good, but a bit overpriced in my opinion. 

On Sunday, we stored all of our bags in storage so we could explore for the entire day. We visited all of the major sites in the city center including the Opera, City Hall, Parliament, and a bunch of museums and palaces. We also took the train to Schonbrunn Palace which was absolutely beautiful. After all of that we made it onto the train and I once again slept for the 4 hours back to Prague. 

That is about it for this past week! Next week I will be heading to Croatia for my last weekend trip before finals and I can’t wait. Thank you so much for reading and I’ll see y’all next week!

Matt Sinanis :)

Aerospace Engineering

Engineering in Prague 

[lonita]

Iaido Weekend (Guelph, Etobicoke)

Prior to taking up Iaido, I'd always used square knots in the right over left first fashion. A hold-over, no doubt, from years in Brownies and Girl Guides. Right over left and under, left over right and under. But since Iai, it's all knots from the left, and everything on the right is always underneath everything on the left. The left side of the keikogi always covers over the right; knots are tied with the left over the right, and so forth. I point this out only because it's now crossed over into things I do outside of Iai.

It was a long, tiring - but satisfying - weekend. Two days on the feet at two different Iaido events. I'm happy to sit for a little while.

Saturday at the University of Guelph was largely with Galligan Sensei - although an English 7th dan did come for a while - but I can't, for the life of me, remember his name. One thing he did bring up - or at least I think he brought it up, I was a touch mentally distracted - was the purpose of Jodan. I'd always thought of it as a "getting out of the way" move, but it is - or can be - a striking move. He had us 'attack' the wall. I think more so for placement than anything, but it reshuffled my thinking on that particular position. Galligan Sensei never fails to blow my mind with how much information she can pack into each moment she's speaking, and still be so clear and concise. This year I didn't take away any points on the various waza, but I finally have shifted my focus when it comes to the power one must put into the left hand. I always knew that, that the left hand is the power and the right hand is the guide, but it just never totally sunk in - for lack of a better way to put it. It's been a bit of a hard one for me, because I'm so right side dominant.

The trip through the bowels of construction at UG to get to the new - and very nice - change rooms, was an adventure. Going through the old - and not so nice - change rooms, wasn't entirely unlike a bad 70s/80s youth-centric horror film where you know that whoever's in the gym locker room alone, is going to get snuffed. It's the scene where the entire movie-going audience is shouting, "Don't go in there!" - but you have to go in there. It was very... orange.

I did get some guidance from Green Sensei regarding standing reiho; but the point I did forget to ask for clarity on, and also forgot to ask Cruise Sensei during the session on Sunday, was about bowing to Sensei if one must do it standing. If you are doing a grading, it's easy - there are only two bows in and two out - one to the sword, the other to the judges. The problem comes in the dojo where, in my school at least, there are four bows in and four out - standing to the shinza, kneeling to the shinza, kneeling to sensei, kneeling to sword. I'm going to guess that if you absolutely must bow to sensei standing, you do it the same way you'd do it during grading or to the shinza standing. My budo buddy during the day for some paired exercise, was a much higher rank than I am, and made me more conscious of seme, of pressure, of the "don't do it" demeanour one must show to one's opponent to put them off drawing their sword.

What I did get from Cruise Sensei yesterday, is a pretty clear idea that most of the koryu waza will be easily adaptable to standing forms; and I finally feel comfortable with most of the first omori-ryu set, except seichuto - that one I still need to learn. It wasn't until we went through them on Sunday, that I realised I did know them better than I thought I did. I wanted to get some more refined pointers regarding standing forms, but there wasn't really enough time. We went from just after 9 until 4. It's a long day. He also refined the position of the sword regarding kneeling bows koryu style vs. seitei style, as well as some other refined points on koryu vs. seitei. But I'm going to need a refresher on those. I also need to ask if judges are going to be fussy about which version of a koryu waza one does during grading. I hope he does another koryu session at some point; or that someone does.

I slept like a rock last night.

[atelier27]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: SANGRIA Soft Peach Stretch Knit Dress, Size 12.

[johnconstantinejld]

Gotham Tales-Catwoman

The Isis Eye of Cambyses was a wonderful pick. At the Battle of Pelusium, the Persians under Cambyses II defeated the Egyptians by placing cats in front of their army. The Egyptians therefore hesitated to attack. Cruel, but smart. I had a dream where we on a cruise liner, Bruce and me. Sailing away from all this. But that was all it was. A dream.

 I’m sure I would have been able to find something in France, even try my luck getting in and out of the Louvre. The Alte Pinakothek in Munich, perhaps. I could try the Neue Nationalgalerie, The Seccession Building in Vienna, or the Kunsthistoriches. Maybe we’d be in London, and I’d try my luck at a gallery there. Mr Wayne would mysteriously donate an item from the British Museum back to Greece or Egypt? No, the columns are too big. But I would send a pretty little item to the Greek Consulate or Embassy. I wish I had a contact there who would send things in the diplomatic bag. 

Well, a woman can dream.

Back to the Eye. First, I had to ensure it wasn’t a fake. Magpie might have made a lethal copy of it. Also, didn’t want Ivy or Harley to get to it now, but the former is missing, and the latter is partially in that League thing I hear about. None of that for me. Penguin had his eye on the statue of Isis but got his dynasty wrong. He was off by a century, apparently. Not that the Gotham Museum disagreed. They promised him a review and said they would return promptly. He reminded them of a little bit of history.

I came for the cat statue, but there was another thing there which caught my eye. Whilst I wouldn’t usually go out of my way to steal multiple things, the necklace with the jet mourning stone from Whitby. 1830s/1840s, according to the inscription. Whilst Victorian mourning pieces are common, my friend at the antiques store should be pleased with its quality. 

It's of vital importance to keep a balance. We don’t want to give off too much of an air of wealth, but we don’t want to look poor, do we? Thankfully, Mike doesn’t ask personal questions. Did I inherit the jewel, find it in an attic or what? And he gives a real good price. He doesn’t just take and only prefer serious things. ‘I mean, we do get very few Victorian working-class clothes, you know. Because they were all worn through. We get the Sunday best.’

Hey, we all got to make a living. You do your way of taking back the city, I’ll do it my way. I am a tiger, a lioness. A lioness hunts more than the man; they are the mothers as the men lie back. They are the real deal. You thought Poison Ivy trapping a man in her vines or paralysing him before she Lizzie Borden’s him with an axe is bad? Nope. Lionesses, bitch. Here me roar.

Maybe Nightwing is interested in someone else. After all, he split from Daddy. Imagine how well we can work together. Try working with Mummy for a bit.

Another lady is swooping down. I hear her. Footfall as soft as those of a kitten. 

A hand on my shoulder.

‘Hand it over.’

Sorry, girl. I only hand it over for. I turn to face Batgirl, wrap my whip around her neck, and keep her upright to look her in the eye. I wonder how much Penguin would pay for your utility belt, sweetie. Ivy would also be intrigued by it, I’m sure, not that we get in contact much (She’ll get back to me if I can send in a jungle cat, though). Ivy would certainly enjoy being able to combat Batgirl, but that involves finding a way to trade the belt, and that lady has no interest in ransom.

Batgirl grabs my hands, twirls me around. 

‘Nice try, Selina, but not tonight.’

Oh…

‘There was a man in the alley off 42nd Avenue. Cuts to his face like claw marks. Then he had his eyes pierced. Why?’

Oh, Batgirl. What would you do if you saw a man doing what he was doing to a woman? He sure wasn’t collecting for charity. 

‘They don’t know if they can restore his sight.’

Too bad. He should have thought of that. Doesn’t that Huntress woman use a crossbow anyway? If you excuse me.

‘We’ve got you down for theft. I didn’t think we’d put you down for manslaughter. If he dies, the charge will be upgraded. Then you, um, grabbed the woman around the face, criticised her for waiting for the big strong Batman to rescue her, and took a Benjamin out of her purse?'

I’m going. Talk to the tail.

‘You’re going nowhere.’

He’s standing right in front of me. I hand it over for him. He gives to Batgirl, who slips away. I would have thought she would in turn hand it on to one of the Bat-boys, but it’s her that leaves to return to the museum. And so, I’m standing there. No conversation tonight, it seems. I try the alluring eyes, but nothing from him.

He goes his way, I go mine. A ship’s horn blares somewhere. A cruise liner heads away. 

Maybe, we could go to Paris.

But he’d never give this up, my dark prince charming. 

I’d give this up the moment he does.

That means never.  

Until the next night. Whenever I see that signal, it’s date night.

Oh, well. Like I said, I am the lioness.

Hear me roar.