#amazing comments on my fics? i can't bring myself to reply

[piease-iove-me]

.

[lunarubra]

This is me blabbing away and trying to make sense of this crazy moment that's my life... Kind of like a PSA, without a real structure.

(Let's start with an apology, this was supposed to be short, just a couple of lines long, asking for some forgiveness for being so absent, and it turned into a small vent about my crazy life. Synthesis has never been one of my strongest features, apparently.)

Life has been crazy lately. April, May, and June are always hectic months for a teacher, and this year looks like it's going to be even worse. Right now, I'm juggling a full teaching post, a university research, a social life with a partner, a new kitten bringing me everyday dead lizards (she is a serial killer in disguise), and being selected as an internal commissioner for the high school diploma this year. And no, the last one is not an honor; it's more like a punishment for younger professors who don't have the authority to say no to older colleagues, plus a ton of paperwork and two more months of work while everyone else is on holiday. Yuppie for me. But joking aside, I'm not complaining about my job. I'm happy to teach, and compared to a lot of other jobs out there, I feel privileged to do what I'm doing. I love my kiddos, and even though most of the time they behave like dunderheads, teaching supports my creativity and gives me so many insights into my life.

But let's get to the point of all this. I am feeling slightly guilty for not being as active here as I should be and for not having enough mental energy and time to dedicate myself to writing more. To my lovely mutuals, I'm in awe of all that you're posting right now. I apologize for not replying and commenting on your amazing content as much as I would like. I just wanted to say, it's not because I'm disappearing; I'm just really busy, and I can't wait for the moment when I'll feel more chilled and can treat myself to all your new chapters, moodboards, and all the amazing content you're creating. I know I am being a small silent weight in your tag list, so thank you for still including me <3

About "Shadow of the Sea," I have a chapter ready and one WIP of the following one. I want to post the one that's ready sometime in the next week, but after that, I'm not sure when I'll be able to write the next one. So Jiyan and Cillian are taking a small break. I'm going to continue the story; this is not a goodbye. I have many ideas and plans for those two idiots; I'm just waiting for some writing energy and time in my schedule.

And yeah, I understand if you're thinking, "Are you aware that your blog and story are read by less than 10 people and no one really gives a damn?" Yes, I am aware, and this post is mostly for me, writing it down it helps me a lot, giving some sort of clarity. However, I've had the chance to meet amazing creators since I got busy on Tumblr again a couple of months ago. People who supported me and helped me, so this is more me trying to explain why my support isn't at its 100% right now and trying to excuse myself since I feel like a horrible mutual right now.

Ah, one last thing, maybe the only thing that will pop up on my blog are some "Slow Horses" GIFs. Thanks to Alex, @cillmequick, Jackson Lamb, and River Cartwright have become my new obsession, and creating GIFs is one of the few things that calm me after a busy hectic day and make me use some of that creative energy left.

I think that's it. Please still free to write me and contact me about my fic, blog, shenanigans; I will try to reply as soon as possible. Sending you all a big hug if you arrive till the end of this long long lengthy text xD

[south-of-heaven]

Dakota kai (Charlie)x reader

Dakotas(charlie) streaming and reader doesn’t realise so reader comes in and brings Dakota(charlie)a drink or whatever then like kisses her before sitting down next to her then realising that Charlie’s streaming and the chats blowing up

Here you go, Babe || Dakota Kai/Charlie x Reader

Summary: You didn't expect Charlie to be streaming when you show her some extra affection after bringing her something to drink.

A/N: This is the cutest sweetest thing I've ever written. I used her real name in this fic since that's what the others say when they stream together and also because of her twitch name.

You in the living room, watching TV with Shayna when your phone buzzed with a text from Charlie. "Hey, can you bring me a drink? I'm in up in my office."

Without thinking much of it, you grabbed a carton of coconut water from the fridge and made your way upstairs. Charlie had transformed the attic into her own little gaming haven, complete with an impressive gaming setup and a comfortable couch. You loved watching her play, even if you weren't much of a gamer yourself.

As you entered the attic, you saw Charlie focused on her game, her headphones on and her eyes locked onto the screen. "Here you go, babe," you said softly, approaching her with the drink in hand.

Charlie turned to you with a smile when she heard your voice. "Thanks, love," she replied, taking the drink from you and placing it within reach.

You leaned in to give her a few kisses, not thinking much of it since you were alone in the attic. But as you sat down on the couch behind her, you noticed something that made your heart skip a beat. Charlie's setup included a webcam, and a red light indicated that she was streaming on Twitch.

"Oh my god," you whispered, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks. "Charlie, are you streaming right now?"

She turned to look at you, her eyes widening slightly as she realized what you were asking. "Uh, yeah," she admitted sheepishly. "That's why I couldn't go downstairs and grab a drink myself."

You looked at the chat on her screen and saw a flurry of messages coming in, all commenting on how sweet and adorable you were. Some fans even saying you seem like such a great girlfriend, and you couldn't help but giggle at their enthusiasm.

"Char, your fans are really eating this up," you said, pointing to the screen with her chat on it. "They think we're the best couple ever."

She laughed and rolled her eyes playfully. "Well, can't argue with that," she teased, leaning back against you and resting her head on your shoulder.

You watched her continue to play her game, occasionally stealing glances at the chat and responding to some of the comments. It was both nerve-wracking and exciting to know that so many people were watching and commenting on your interaction with her.

As the stream went on, you became more comfortable with the idea of being on camera and interacting with Charlie's viewers. You chatted with them, answering questions about your relationship and playfully teasing your girlfriend whenever she made a funny comment or play in the game.

The chat continued to be filled with compliments and supportive messages, and you couldn't help but feel grateful for the positivity and love from Charlie's fans.

After the stream ended, your girlfriend turned to you with a smile. "Well, that was unexpected," she said.

"Yeah, but it was fun," you replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "I guess I'm officially a Twitch celebrity now."

Charlie laughed and pulled you closer. "You were already a celebrity in my eyes," she said, pressing her lips to yours in a sweet kiss.

As you cuddled on the couch together, you couldn't help but feel thankful for this unexpected and heartwarming moment. You knew that no matter what, you and Charlie had the support of each other and her amazing fans, and that was all that mattered.

[azrielgreen]

I try to focus on the comments I get, and I don’t want to be ungrateful. I do appreciate them more than anything. But i can’t help but rely on them *too much*, and compare them to those of other writers. Especially to yours. In any fandom I’ve ever been in, I’ve never seen anybody get the kind of feedback you get. Like people saying you change their lives, and everything. Enough that they get tattoos inspired by your work. I just don’t think I have that in me. That ability to inspire or affect readers long term—beyond just a quick read before they’re onto the next story. I don’t know if it comes down to style or energy, or if some people are just special. But I feel like if I can’t get people to feel that intensely, then maybe I should just stop writing. But I don’t want to quit. It’s like a vicious cycle, so discouraged that I don’t write, and if i don’t write, then how can i reach anybody at all?

Hello, lovely. So I've been thinking for a few days how to reply to this because I think honestly all writers feel like this at one point or another and visibility of the struggle is really important, especially when participating in fandom.

It can become very easy to get stuck on needing comments and feedback to continue and while fanfic is great for this kind of "as you go" support/encouragement it can also be really amazing to sidestep fanfic altogether for a while. Write something JUST for you. Write a book. Poetry. Anything where you're not getting feedback. Touch base with your creative self again. Fandom can be exhausting at times and we give so much of ourselves without even realising it, so if you're not feeling good about fanfic, that's an excellent sign to take a break. There have been months, years in between my participation in fandom/fic writing and I promise, taking a break is natural and healthy. Energy is cyclical and we need to replenish.

This brings me to my second point, which refers more directly to the kind things you said about me specifically. While I would not ever deny that I consider myself a capable writer and I have a lot of confidence and very passionate belief in myself, I've also been writing for a very long time, since I was twelve. I've been in fandom writing fic since i was 17. I've been writing professionally since i was 25, and I'm in my 30s now. I do tend to devote a stunning amount of time and mental energy to writing: in the past, at the expense of my health. I don't do that anymore, but it's an example of why you should never compare yourself to other writers because the situations are always so radically different. It's easy to look at statistics and think, "Why can't I do that/get that?" but the reality is that everyone is at different stages of their journey, and everyone is completely different.

I have no doubt that you're a talented writer because talented writers question themselves all the time. You have stories inside you that need to be written and told in the way that only you CAN! But they won't happen if you're worrying about comments/hit numbers, etc...

Generally, I've found that success is what happens when you're too busy to notice it. Focus on your work, on the next project, on yourself. Dig deep, branch out, love your process and expand, experiment, and remember to take a break when it's not fun anymore. Your mood is always guiding you. If you're happy, excited, and passionate, you're on track. If you're despondent, miserable, or anxious, it's time for a break. Fandom can be wonderful, but it's also the perfect breeding grounds for "comparison blues". Fanfic should make you happy.

I'm always here to offer guidance and support.

Az.

💜💜💜

[buckyismybicycle]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

thank you for this, babe💖💖 I know I'm late to the party but I couldn't come up with a list LOL. It's so difficult??? to just??? pick something I'm proud of?? My favourite fics are not necessarily my best-written fics, but they all have a special place in my heart for different reasons!

hey now, you're an all star (get your game on, go play)

This was an obvious one, I think anyone who knows me saw this coming. It's just brought me so much... reprieve. relief. cathartic release. It's a combination of two of my loves - fandom and hockey. I never imagined the overlap between those two fandoms would be very big, but it has brought me SO many incredible friends. People that I talk to regularly, people who make me smile with a single comment, people who have supported and encouraged me to keep going when I was afraid to. I just don't have enough words to describe how much those relationships mean to me, seriously. @alavenderleaf @hannahshattuck @rohruh @fsbc-librarian I love you with all my heart.

i'm the furthest thing from heaven, but the closest to home

This was a fic I recently wrote, which started as a 2-3K one shot for @circaclementine, and then suddenly it took over. I wrote this for an All Caps Bingo challenge and was really determined to do it (all Clem's fault), which drove this to nearly 20K (which is really long for ME, okay!). It combined a lot of (A) what I love (wingfic, angels), (B) what I wanted to explore more of (Steve waking up without Buck and (C) challenging myself to find canon-adjacent moments that I could re-write and bring into my story. I took a lot of lines and moments straight from the MCU, which I hoped that made the fic even more "real" for some people and I have to thank Clem for this delightful challenge and all the subsequent support that I needed, lol. Still, I loved every moment.

it's not love

I really loved writing this one because it was one of the first parts of my "Seb Stan Series" ideas. It's a rare pair (1940s Bucky/Lee Bodecker) but in writing this, I felt a bit of a challenge in writing someone that wasn't just Bucky. I explored a lot more about my writing, and honestly I was actually really proud of this one after Maya helped me fall in love with it all over again. It's sweet, sad, and that basically sums me up as a writer.

so don't go (wasting all our feelings)

How could this not be on my list! It was a fic that I basically wrote with my best pals @cable-knit-sweater @mxaether. It was an honour to write with Maya, and I am continuously blown away by what we accomplished. 36K words?! Are you freaking kidding me! And of course, not only was Kam's art fucking mindblowing but the endless support for all of our collective shouting was very much needed. I just can't even tell you how much love is in this fic and how much love came out of it. I'm so proud of us, truly. Love you both so much.

spoil me

It started with SamBuckyTorres (spread your wings) but I wanted to delve more into Bucky/Torres. I thought "oh! It'd be so fun to do an age difference fic" with Daddy Bucky (I'd never written daddy kink before this fic) and I think I just enjoyed unleashing Bucky on Torres. It made writing Dom Bucky easier for me in my later fics, which is really obvious to me looking back now! Thank you Baby Bird/Slut. Sorry Hannah for dragging you down with me. 😘

teach me how to love

This is the fic that got me started in the Bucky/Reader fandom. I was just writing a simple one-shot and the comments/feedback I got were so amazing that I just kept going?! And going, and going, and going. It turned into a 23 chapter monster purely based on the feedback I got and the conversations I was having. It brought me my first batch of fandom friends, and I'm forever thankful for the friends I made, like YOU! Love you, Lana. Thank you for coming on this wild journey with me.🥰🥰

[dreamwatch]

Writers 20 questions tag game!!

Thank you to @devondespresso for the tag. The last time I did this I think I had barely written anything and had nothing up on AO3 so this is exciting to do again.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11 and growing!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

18,891

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things. Steddie. Just Steddie. Because of the Steddie of it all. I wouldn't be opposed to branching out to some Edancy though.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm A Bad Boy For Breaking Her Heart; California I'm Coming Home; I Can Love You Better Than Him; I Tell You Folks, It's Harder Than It Looks; Only The Horses Can Bring Us Back Home

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! Now granted I have a couple outstanding to reply to from last week, but yes always because it genuinely amazes me that people take the time to do that. ❤️

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm... published I would say Brothers Keeper and/or Fight To Be Free, but they are wee ficlets and depends on your definition of angst I guess. Even thinking of my angstiest WIPs I'm not sure any of them have anything really sucky planned for the end. I'm all about the angst/pain/suffering and then a nice cup of cocoa and a cuddle for the final chapter.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

California I'm Coming Home. I think most of the published fics are pretty happy endings, but I think this one is the most fairytale almost. It's kind of an Oprah ending - Wayne gets a happy ending, and Eddie gets a happy ending, and Steve gets a happy ending! 😂

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far no. Hopefully never.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

*clutches rosary beads* Nope. I honestly can't imagine ever being able to write smut, I suspect its the deeply ingrained Catholic guilt. But never say never!

10. Do you write crossovers?

No.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I fucking hope not. Do you know how long it takes me to write this shit? I've been writing one fic since the beginning of 2023 and it's still not finished!!! 😂

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, not as far as I'm aware.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No... I like the theory of it, it sounds like it could be fun, but at the same time I don't understand the mechanics of it and I could see it ending in tears.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Gosh, this is har-- STEDDIE! IT'S STEDDIE!!!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

All of them? Positive thoughts, positive thoughts. I have snippets and pieces for three fics that I'm not sure will ever get finished; one was being referred to as Eddie and Dustin Do Hookers and Blow (it really wasn't like that, I promise!) - basically miserable Eddie suffering in a shitty apartment in the city and Dustin rocking up and being all 'I've had no life experiences, my friends are all living their best life, I don't want to go to college - take me out for a wild night!'. Hilarity ensues etc. Likely will never get finished and I'll probably strip it for parts.

The other one was Eddie and Steve reconnect in the 90s. Eddie toured the country in his van for years, depressed and traumatised (hi, if you're a new reader I like to write Eddie as depressed and traumatised. All. Of. The. Time. You're welcome). He eventually settles down, becomes a nurse (Nurse Eddie truther!) and runs into Steve. Hilarity ensues. Or, they fall in love anyway. But yeah, realistically never getting finished.

The last one was an aftermath/recovery fic. I have about 7k words for this. This was my first stab at fanfic in about 15 years and it shows! I bit off more than I could chew and was taking it in too many directions. As it stands it will never be finished but there is a nugget of a story in there that I still want to tell. It's mostly medical whump before the loving and romance. Might just stay as a little mind movie for myself to re-run over and over.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Uhh... I think I have good ideas, and I like to take ideas and flip them. For example - Steve has bad parents. Well, what if they're nice? Um. Can't really think of anything else.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

What's the max word count for a post on Tumblr? Lol, joking. Run on sentences, like ruuuuuuuuuuuun on. Too many commas. Too many elipses. I am way too slow because I read too much fic so nothing gets finished. I cannot write connecting action for shit. I can give you dialogue. I can give you internal monologues for days. I cannot connect the two. Annoys the shit out of me. Also I can be super light on description sometimes, and I think it's because I write for myself that I forget other people need to see what I can see! Also giving my fics stupidly long titles which is really annoying when you have to keep them typing them out.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think I would be comfortable doing it because I know I would get it wrong. Sometimes it really throws me in a fic and I have to run off to google translate or scoot up and down to the authors notes to decipher whats being said. Which is fine if its a one off but I've read whole conversations like that in fics and nope. Back button is calling my name. Tricky to pull off well I think.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The A Team. I was shit and nothing got published and we should all be very pleased about that.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oooh, tricky. California I'm Coming Home and Only The Horses. Oh and I Can Love You Better Than Him I think. I love the idea of Eddie being rescued by Steve. Not going to count the WIPs because they would trump everything! I love them!

Crikey that was fun! As always, no pressure tags -

@cchapsticck @occasionaloverboy @thisapplepielife @loudsnapdragon @hitlikehammers @postmodernau @soaringornithopter @lingeringmirth @devilyouwere

[fizzyxcustard]

Betrayal (12)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Masterlist of fan fiction

Fandom: Crossover of Spooks and Pilgrimage (Modern AU)

Pairings: Lucas North x OC/Raymond de Merville x OC

Warnings: Love triangle. Angst. Language. Sexual references/language. Cheating. Stalking. 

Summary: Amy Holland is Lucas North’s girlfriend of six months. Amy is aware of his job as an MI-5 agent and supports him. However, Lucas’ cousin, Raymond de Merville, has always loved Amy and uses their one night stand together as leverage for something more.

Comments/Notes: If you wish to be tagged in any of my tag lists for fics or characters, please let me know, and stipulate what you want to be tagged in. I’m gradually removing people from my tag lists who do not interact.

I also want to thank everyone who has stuck with me so far through this fic. I know it's probably very different from my normal kind of work and it's not everyone's cup of tea, but your encouragement and support has been amazing, those of you who have shared in this writing journey with me. Again, thank you.

Amy felt in her gut that she was safe to trust Raymond. If he loved her as much as he said he did, the last thing he would ever do was lead her astray and down a road towards destruction. "Tell me what's going on with Lucas," she pleaded.

"Aim, I promised him that I wouldn't break his confidence. I'm just terrified now of the consequences that it's all going to have and how that will affect you. But just know that his secrets have come back to bite him in the arse."

"Ray, please..."

"I hate being called Ray," he snapped. "I'm sorry. You started calling it me just after Lucas did and I can't stand it."

"I'm sorry," Amy sighed.

The heavy bustle of customers meant that Amy and Raymond's conversation, for the most part, was quiet. Other customers went about eating their meals, drinking, and conversing with each other. Considering it was a Monday night, a 'school night', the pub was still fairly busy.

"Raymond, please?"

"No, Aim. I won't break his trust. If he's going to hang, then let him to it to himself. I'm so glad you're away from London now. You're out of the way of him."

Amy took a huge breath and felt that shame wash over her again. She was the one who had cheated, betrayed her boyfriend, lied. Lucas had never, as far as she knew, been unfaithful. And Raymond had remained true to his promise to Lucas for keeping hold of his secret.

"I've treated you unfairly, and I'm sorry," Amy said. "When Lucas found out about us, I blamed you for everything, and it wasn't you. It was me. I was the one who knowingly cheated. I'm just so sorry for that."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, love," Raymond replied. "I did have my part to play in it all, let's be fair. I knew you and Lucas were together. But I can't bring myself to say that I'm sorry for what happened between us, because I'm not." Raymond shifted that little bit closer to Amy and lifted his hand, brushing his fingertips down her cheek. "I'll never be sorry for loving you. It's the best part of me. But I know you'll always be ashamed of yourself for sleeping with me."

"I'm not ashamed of sleeping with you. It was the fact I was with Lucas when I did it. You were right when you said there's something between us. There always has been, I know that. What I feel for you isn't something I'd ever regret; the only regret I have is that it broke Lucas' heart."

"Let me keep you safe. I think time is running out for Lucas now, and if the only thing I can do is make sure you're not dragged into the crossfire then I'll do it."

***

Raymond dropped Amy off at her parents' house that night. They both sat side by side, in the dark of the evening. "I'll be here until Thursday. Anything you need, just call me. "

Amy looked at him and could feel that magnetism beginning to build again. She needed to touch him in some way, taste him. She whispered his name and then leaned across, pressing her lips to his. Within a millisecond, he was responding. His hands were cupping her cheeks, his tongue was against hers. The heat, the electricity, the need and want was building.

Amy pulled herself away, her breathing elevated. Raymond's eyes were still on her.

"I don't want to leave you on your own," Raymond said between hitched breaths. "You're not safe around Lucas."

"I'm with my family. I have plenty of people..."

"Lucas is a spy, Aim. Don't forget that. He has his ways of means of making things look like accidents."

"W...what? Are you talking about him killing someone?"

"No, but if he needed to get to you, he'd find a way."

***

Vaughan's words were resounding around Lucas' head. This man knew the truth, the truth to Lucas' past. The only other man who knew was Raymond.

Lucas sat in his flat, staring at his phone which was on the coffee table. He needed to protect Amy from all of this, take her away and start over. He could give Vaughan what he wanted, the Albany file, and then disappear. Make up a new name, live as someone else. It wasn't so hard as he'd done it before.

Lucas' phone rang as he approached Thames House. "You have two more days, John. We've spoke about this on many occasions. Get that file and I won't hurt that pretty girlfriend of yours. I know she's in Coventry; apparently been seen in the company of your cousin, Raymond."

"Fuck you!" Lucas hissed. "Fuck you, you bastard. I'll get you that file, and then I'm coming for you!"

"No need for all this hostility, John. Get me the file and wire me the money, and we're even. Our last deal, you can trust me on that."

***

Amy was at work on her lunch break when she looked down at her phone, seeing that a voicemail had been left from Lucas. He sounded out of breath, angry, and verging on hysterical. "Amy, I need to come and get you. You're not safe. I'm coming to Coventry to get you."

Her heart began to race in her chest and heat rose up in her cheeks. Her first immediate thought was Raymond, who was still in Coventry for a further day. She dialled through to him, and within three rings he answered. "Raymond, it's starting," she said, her anxiety growing. "Lucas has left me a voicemail telling me he's coming to get me. He sounded hysterical."

"Don't respond to him. Make up an excuse with work and I'll come and get you. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes. Make sure that you stay near the security blokes at the front desk. Don't stray from view."

Amy made up a story that her father had been rushed into hospital and was excused from the rest of her day's work. Raymond appeared at the front entrance to the building not long after she had dashed from her desk.

By the time they had both got back to Raymond's hotel room, Amy was verging on tears. "Please, Raymond, tell me what's happening."

Raymond sighed and sat down beside Amy on the bed. "All I know at this point is someone from Lucas' past, who has quite a track record of illegal and dangerous activities, is blackmailing him into getting something from Thames House. That was all he told me."

"Why would he tell you that? I didn't think you two were on speaking terms anymore."

"I know a lot of Lucas' history and maybe he felt I was the only one he could trust. I won't say any more and break his trust on this."

Amy took Raymond's hand in hers. "Why are you protecting him?"

"He's my cousin, and I don't break promises."

***

Three more voicemails came through to Amy's phone from Lucas. Each one was asking where she was and begging her to answer his messages and calls.

Suddenly an unknown number began to call.

"Don't answer it," Raymond instructed.

Then the voicemail icon appeared.

Amy took a huge inhale and opened her voicemail, letting the message start. A man's voice swept down the line to her ear, a calm and quite monotone voice. "Amy Holland. You need to be aware that the man you think is Lucas North, isn't. The man you have been seeing for this last six months isn't who you think he is. His real name is John Bateman."

Tears dripped down Amy's cheeks and she dropped the phone on the bed. "I'm assuming this was the man who has been contacting Lucas...or whoever the fuck he is."

"What did he say?" Raymond asked, his stare intense on Amy.

"That Lucas isn't Lucas. You knew this, didn't you? This is what you've been keeping secret for him?"

"Yes." Raymond's reply with low, almost a whisper.

"But, why? Why would you keep that secret?"

"John and I were close as kids. I was like the older brother he never had. Our mums were sisters and we practically grew up together. I couldn't turn my back on him, no matter what had happened."

Amy remained silent for a few minutes, trying to comprehend all of what she was hearing. "All of it was a lie. Everything," she whispered.

"Not his relationship with you. He loves you, Amy. He never lied about that."

"Are you really Raymond?" Amy asked, feeling quite stupid. "I don't know what is real and what isn't."

"Yes, I'm me," Raymond replied with a very slight smile. "Served two tours of Afghanistan, dismissed on medical grounds. Born and raised in Nottingham; only child. You can trust me. I would never lie to you."

"I didn't know you were originally from Nottingham," Amy said, trying to temporarily push away this feeling of complete insanity that seemed to be crushing down on her.

"Yeah, lived there until I was about eight, and then moved to just outside London. My parents had split, and my mum wanted to be closer to her sister and that was how John and I became close."

"What do we do now?" Amy asked, the reality bearing down on her. "This man who is involved with Lucas has my phone number and surely he knows more."

"Stay with me, Aim. I'll keep you safe."

***

Follow Forever tag list: @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @luna-xial @middleearthpixie @meganlpie @knitastically @asgardianhobbit98 @eunoiaastralwings @linasofia @guardianofrivendell @xxbyimm @spidergirla5 @rachel1959 @msjava1972 @sunflwrnsunnieshine

[dayseternal-blog]

In Memory, Katarinahime. Part 6.

I've collected our conversations. Why couldn't I remember them? Let me in.

2019.8.12 on "White Lilies" Chapter 3:

Kat - "Your 'please don’t kill me if you don’t like it' killed me! I feel the same way. You work so hard on something and then people are so flippant about it. 😭😭 But it was so good. You have such a good way of weaving around real feelings and situations. I love it!"

Me - "yeah, posting a new chapter is like standing in front of a dark tunnel, like you don't know what might come out of it. It could kill you. Or something... :( haha to me you are an absolute master at real feelings and situations! Thank you for the encouragement >< it means a lot coming from you!"

Katarina had never commented on my fics before. I knew that she doesn't really comment. She hardly replies to comments on her own fics unless there's a question.

This is the most memorable for me. I never forgot this. I never forgot how she understood the stress I expressed in the author notes and how she went out of her comfort zone to tell me that she relates.

2019.10.29 on "White Lilies" Chapter 4:

Kat - "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! They’re finally going to talk! And Naruto understands his own feelings! Omg this is so amazing!"

Me - "haha that scream is my reaction to any of your stories x))) thank you for the support <33333"

This was the second and last time she commented on one of my fics. I wondered if she had ever read any of my other fics. I only found out, after she passed, that "Nightdreams" was in her top five. I didn't know that. I wonder if she knows that I have been modeling my text structure off of her stories since Nightdreams.

2020.1.20 on Discord

"It's so funny, I never think of myself as writing angst and then people bring it up and I'm like... holy shit I wrote a lot of angst"

-"@ katarinahime I think of you as THE naruhina angst writer actually. If anyone asked, I would just point them to your profile"

"🙈🙈🙈 OMG lol. LMAO @ DAYS8 you're one to talk your white lilies used to be killer before your last update. My heart"

hmm I can't type the rest of the convo. I think I'll cry. But I pointed out to her why CSE is worse in terms of angst. She accepts that, and that she knew the ending would be happy, so she forgets how readers must feel.

That was our first convo within the same space, at the same time. I'm glad I could express a fraction of my admiration.

2020.2.18 on Discord

-"HOW WAS YOUR DAY IN HAWAII NEI?"

"Omg it was amazing"

-"yayy!!!!!! what did you do?"

"I went to the wedding rehearsal at the place they filmed lost and then went to bellows Air Force base beach and then I went to dinner and ice cream with friends. I love being here 💖💖"

-"Bellows is my favorite beach on the east side!!! And Kualoa Ranch is so beautiful! My husband's cousin got married there! I'm so glad you had a good day!"

"Yeah bellows looked like a movie set tbh. So beautiful"

I could've met her maybe. Had I tried. Also, I learned she loved coffee. Was addicted to coffee. She wanted to have Kona coffee here. I forgot to ask if she did.

2020.5.28 on Discord

"I wish my hair could be that long 😭"

-"why does your hair stop growing?? that..what????"

"Idk!! I wish I knew"

That was the day I learned her hair doesn't grow much past her shoulders. Apparently hair can genetically reach the end of its growth cycle. Like trees or flowers.

"I think because of the nature of our relationships with other members of fandoms and writers it's a bit harder to process it. Because there are genuine emotions and love and missing of a person, but since there was never a real-life presence the absence is harder to identify. For me it's almost like I'm expecting to see an update or a post after a long silence. It's a challenge to wrap my head around 'gone'." - @szajnie

"I'd possibly shifted backwards into denial, but not a shock kind. Like, she's still here, even if I can't talk to her."

"I've reread quite a few of her chapters and posts, and of course, our convos and comments, and just... it's so hard to reconcile. Her writing has so much of her voice in it, and when someone said that she'll live on in her art, they weren't kidding. She sounds so alive."

"Yeah, I wonder if that's why I'm at where I'm at. Like, there's still something of her we can access at any point. But I guess, the tragic rationale too is... It's all a time capsule. I just feel like she IS here."

"This is honestly the feeling I've been struggling with all week, here I am again, like this need to unleash all of this confusion and struggle I'm having with her passing. I guess I've really been trying to grasp at some kind of clarity."

"Katarina, I swear that I’ll never forget you, and I’m positive that I’m not the only one. As long as we live, you’ll live as well." - @angi1993

I'm still here.

They say earthquakes in Alaska are the closest tsunami danger for Hawaii.

Interesting.

I look out across an ocean of distance

And I wish you were here.

I wish you were there.

I wish I were waiting for you, waiting as I did before, for you to come collect the pieces of me, the pieces of you, waiting for you to give the pieces of you to me.

One day, I'll see you, I'll recognize you, and you'll recognize me.

The pieces we've traded will be perfect.

But I'll be shy. Or maybe I'll cry.

My memory is poor, I'm sorry. I didn't meet you then, I'm sorry. I didn't reach out enough, I'm sorry.

I just wish I had done a little more, it's okay for me to feel like this, there's nothing else to it.

Are you really still alive in us? Are you really still alive here?

I'm talking to text,

I wonder if I'm comforted.

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Hey T. I stumbled across Blessings of Magic around 2019, it was the first fic I read here on AO3, and I must say it has lodged itself in my heart and mind , and I don't see it leaving anytime soon. You are the main reason I got an AO3 account: I found your fic "love bite" while browsing on Tumblr, looking for new Loki content. I loved Love Bite so much I spent the next few hours reading every fic I could on your blog. I then got so curious about the ones you had on AO3 that I made myself an account and have been a goner ever since. Please believe me when I say that you are, by far, one of the best writers whose work I have ever had the honour of reading. Your writing is filled with such rich imagery it feels as if I am experiencing it first-hand. I am constantly amazed at how expertly you weave a story and make it so compelling! You write so masterfully, it is astounding. The way you bring your stories to life is so admirable, each paragraph, sentence and word has a clear reason for being there. Every version of the characters you write is incredibly unique and thought out, it's so bewitching to watch as your stories unfold, getting to know the little bitty bits about who you create or just write about. You have such a gift and I'm forever grateful that you are sharing it with us. Sending you all the love and hopefully, I'll be able to join your Patreon soon.

My apologies for the lateness of my reply. I saw this while I was at work today but didn't want to answer it until I had a chance to do so without bawling in public.

You don't know it, but I've struggled with a crisis of conscious lately.

I love writing, and I cherish all the responses I get, but there are times when I wonder if I'm screaming into the void. If I'm wasting my time. If what I do is worth it. Worth sleepless nights and writer's block and two "good jobs, what's next?" on something I've spent literal hours slaving over, or worse the comments on how stupid and pitiful my OC is because she didn't do XYZ or 123, like "they" would have written her.

Then, something like this shows up.

People don't know, don't realize, and can't understand the way reaching out as you've done touches an author. It literally refuels our tanks. It makes all of the above WORTH IT. It makes us feel like even if we are screaming into the void, someone in the void is screaming back.

So thank you!

Thank you so much for reaching out, for sharing this tidbit with me, and helping me refuel my tank.

You are an amazing and beautiful soul, and I'm so grateful that you found my work, blog, and AO3. I would love to see you over on Patreon whenever your life permits, and know I am always available should you want to scream into the void.

I promise I will be happy to squeal, cry, laugh, or just talk about anything and everything Blessings of Magic related or any other story you've got questions about.

I've grown so much with Blessings, right there beside Lauren and Loki.

I'm so happy you found them.

And me.

T~

[shadowsinger11]

You, The Stars And I

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Word Count: 3.8k (oops)

Requested by @amira3113: Can I request a fic abt the reader seeing Fred and George comforting a kid after Umbridge punished him and the reader helps them and Fred thinks it's so cute what she is doing and she does the same and extra mega fluff, pls?🥺 you don't gotta do it if u don't want to btw.. so no pressure ;)

Warnings: A bit more angst than intended, Fred being a soft boi™️

A/N: I don't know how to feel, I just roasted myself hardcore with this and I'm feeling even more single. I'm sorry for not being able to use a 'keep reading' tab

Masterlist

The sun fell asleep behind the endless hills, enveloped by dense, opaque darkness. Its golden rays no longer shone through the wide windows of the castle and instead let shadows creep into the long, empty hallways, revealing the ugly truth about what the school had turned into over the past few months.

The naked walls stood tall, towering over you and inching closer with every step you took, and you hung your head low, aiming to block out the singular buzzing thought in your head.

Hogwarts was no longer home.

Your heart ached at the memory of hundreds of students chattering and laughing all day long, freely walking around the school grounds and simply being children. You so terribly missed being careless and having fun without the fear of potentially facing a life-threatening punishment.

But now there was no laughter, only your footsteps echoed in the hallway.

You were headed straight to your common room, determined to go to sleep early. The curfew and the dozens of new restrictions prevented you from meeting your friends, and you hoped that sleep would at least somehow distract you from your worries for a couple of hours.

The deafening silence nearly caused you to miss the muffled sobs and quiet whispering, coming from a turn not far away. It seemed as though there were more than one voice speaking, and your chest clenched with dread.

You hurried your pace until you reached the source of the noise, and peeked from behind the wall.

The sight most definitely surprised you, but the pain in your chest only sharpened.

There, on a bench, Fred and George were sitting, hunched over a small boy, probably no older than a second year. You could tell by his green robes which house he was in, but his red, tear-stained face was what alarmed you.

You immediately approached him and fell to your knees. George was on his left, rubbing slow, soothing circles on his back, while Fred was on the other side, holding his small hand in his, on the back of which a few words glistened with fresh crimson blood.

I must not ask questions.

You sent the twins a questioning look, but Fred dismissed it by shaking his head; clearly that was not the time for an explanation, nor was one necessary to begin with.

You placed a hand on the boy's knee to make your presence known.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

This only caused the child to sob harder and you internally cursed for having to go through this routine.

"It hurts…" he whimpered, "I thought Hogwarts was fun. I met friends last year and it was great. But now… Now I really want to go home."

Your jaw clenched and you swallowed hard, furious about seeing innocent children slowly losing faith and joy in life, turning into hollow shells of the amazing people they could have grown to become.

The horrifying experience would inevitably have a massive impact on them and unexplainable guilt twisted your stomach. And even though the long-term damage had already been done, you could at least take care of the temporary pain.

"It's not going to hurt for long, I promise," Fred whispered, tenderly playing with the boy's trembling fingers. "Ours are already fading."

"That's true, see?" George showed the back of his hand on which you could make out the faint, bloody words 'I must not cause trouble.', and you felt sick. "Soon you won't even remember it was there."

Tears stung in your eyes, but before you gave them a chance to fall, you turned to the redheads.

"I can heal the wound. Well, to an extent. If anything, I can lessen the pain," you began. "But I need to grab something from the Charms classroom."

Fred frowned, confused, "Wouldn't you need a potion for that? Why Charms?"

"Snape isn't the only one armored with potions for just in case things go wrong. And we can't risk going to the dungeons at this hour. It's not wise to tell Madam Pomfrey yet either."

The twins nodded. George said.

"It's not a good idea for all of us to go at once. I suggest one of us returns and covers the others up if necessary."

"I'll go with her," Fred stated without a second thought. "I can get them safely where they need to be, let her do her thing and bring them back."

Fred's eagerness to help filled you with warmth and for once that night you had the strength to smile, even for just a second.

"That sounds like plan then. But you should really take the map," George added, already pulling out the neatly folded Marauder's Map from his backpack. "Don't wanna risk getting caught by the ugly toad, you know."

"As if she'd be strolling down the hallways late at night. Doesn't she have hobbies?"

"Does hanging creepy pictures of cats on pink walls count as such?" you commented and the second year giggled, which made you feel slightly better as well.

Fred took the map from George and you grabbed the boy's hand.

"Good luck, guys. And, like, don't die."

"Woah, greatly encouraging, Georgie," you replied sarcastically, but appreciated it nonetheless. "You sure you'll be fine?"

"Absolutely. I got the route memorized like the back of my hand. I'll be careful."

And with that, George headed towards the Gryffindor Tower while you, Fred and the boy went in the opposite direction - the East Towers.

The night was eerily quiet, only the footsteps and shuddering breaths of the three of you keeping you sane. The soft light, gleaming at the tip of your wands, didn't do much to brighten the empty hallways which now seemed like endless voids of darkness.

Occasionally Fred would warn you about Filch's cat approaching, or Peeves causing trouble nearby, but fortunately, you reached the classroom sooner than expected.

"Alohomora," you whispered, but the door didn't bulge when you tried to open it.

Fred grinned, "Surely a Charms professor wouldn't let such a cliché unlock his own classroom."

"Shut up," you grumbled. "Aberto!"

The door opened. Fred's eyes widened in amusement and you flashed him a charming smile on your way in.

You placed the boy to sit on a desk as you and your friend rushed to look through drawers and chests for something useful. Most of them were full of basic items such as old books and quills, half-full jars of salamander blood, pearl dust and gillyweed, and after long fifteen minutes of not having found anything, you slid your back down against the wall, sighing in frustration.

Sleep-deprivation was kicking in, but your anxiety was getting stronger.

You needed to do something. Fast.

"What about this chest right here?" Fred asked from the other side of the classroom, pointing at something under Flitwick's desk.

You shook your head, "Doesn't open, already tried. Even if the cure is there, we can't get it."

"I take it your brilliant spells don't work anymore?" the redhead teased and you so badly wished to slap away the cocky smirk on his face. Or kiss it. There was something oddly attractive about the way he'd set your nerves on fire, and you hated yourself for enjoying it. Fred seemed to love it too.

"If you're only here to be annoying, just leave."

"I'm here to help too. I can multitask."

You nearly jumped from the ground to strangle him, and he clearly saw through your intentions because his toothy grin almost split his face in two. That bastard.

That super annoying, devilishly handsome bastard.

"Are you gonna keep staring at me, or are you coming? Not that I mind the attention," he shrugged.

You rose to your feet and made your way over to where he was standing, not granting him the pleasure of facing him, "Don't flatter yourself, Weasley. Your stupidity is simply impossible to be unnoticed."

Fred laughed, "Oh, so I was annoying and now I'm stupid too? Make up your mind, woman."

You pulled out your wand and smirked at him over your shoulder.

"You said it yourself that you can multitask. Aberto!"

Nothing.

Fred squinted his eyes as he stared at the wooden chest. What spell could the professor have possibly used? Could you have even heard of it? The chances of ever finding the precious item were becoming grimmer with each passing second and the inevitable sense of dread had started to settle in.

After a minute Fred finally spoke.

"I think your problem is that you're using spells that only work on doors. You need a charm which unlocks containers."

"You might be right. What would that be then?" you enquired, glancing at the redhead. He took his own wand out of his robes.

"I know a spell that's come in handy before. Hopefully it will work now," he wettened his lips and said. "Cistem Aperio!"

Blinding light caused you to cover you eyes,  and the chest opened with a loud thud which could have easily alerted the entire floor of your presence if it wasn't for the silencing charm you were lucky to have used when you first entered the classroom.

You finally dared to open your eyes and kneeled on the ground, carefully rummaging through fancy-looking boxes and vials sparking with liquids that seemed to be quite important.

"What are we looking for?" Fred asked as he crouched next to you.

"Wound-Cleaning Potion. Purple."

It was weird having Fred stand this close to you; sparks of electricity would pierce your heart every time his shoulder brushed against yours, or his fingers would accidentally graze yours. And when they did, they had you longing more and more for their touch, for their warmth.

But this warmth did not belong to you.

You swallowed down the disappointment and instead attempted to focus on the task at hand.

Just as you had expected, the precious crystal bottle was carefully wrapped in sparkling cloth and placed inside a box that was hidden deep in the corner of the chest. You breathed a sigh of relief and got on your feet, determined to stay away from Fred. For his sake and yours.

"Here it is," you smiled at the boy as you walked over to him. "Fred, can you get me some bandages from the drawer in the back?" you asked, pointing right behind him, and he did as he was told.

You took the hand of the young Slytherin and examined it closely - the wound was sure to leave a nasty scar, one that would never heal.

"Can you make it disappear?" he asked, fearfully.

Your heart dropped. But you replied with all the courage you could muster.

"I can try."

Fred was soon by your side and placed the medical items on the desk; a half-full packet of cotton, some bandages and a small box of bandaids. You muttered a 'thanks', not even looking at him, and opened the middle-sized bottle. It spread a characteristic smell of ashes, mint and lemon when you lifted it towards your nose - it was ready to use.

"So what now?" Fred asked.

Not granting him a reply, you simply took a small piece of the cotton and dipped the opening of the bottle into it, soaking it with a generous amount of the purple, dense liquid. The smell grew stronger.

Fred could only watch as you yet again gently grabbed the boy's hand and carefully dabbed the back of it; a thin steam of smoke soared from the contact of wet cotton and wounded flesh, purple mixing with red, and the kid hissed in pain. You worked attentively but quickly, with measured gestures and a straight face, and you missed the way Fred's eyes seemed to soften at the sight of you helping a small kid.

But one thing baffled him - why did you suddenly start acting so emotionless? Even towards the youngling who didn't know a thing. And though your expression seemed calm and collected, the Gryffindor noticed your tensed jaw.

What he wasn't aware of, however, was the racing speed of you heart, increasing each second. He wasn't aware of the short, shallow breaths you were taking because if you had allowed yourself to breathe freely, you'd certainly let out tears along with the deeps sighs.

Every move was calculated, every word and breath.

You pressed a fresh piece of cotton against the now cleaned wound and kept it there as you began to roll the bandage over it, securing it in place. When you were done, you placed a gentle, lingering kiss on the hand.

"There. It should do the trick."

The boy's face lit up and he hugged you, not giving you another choice but to wrap your arms around his small body. At least you had managed to bring him back some of the lost warmth.

"We should get him to his dorm," you told Fred and despite not facing him, he knew the words were directed towards him. That still didn't prevent the stinging pain in his chest from being so effortlessly avoided by you, and he frowned, bewildered by your unexpected coldness towards him.

Had he accidentally done anything to upset you? Were you mad at him? What for?

The boy jumped to his feet, visibly less burdened despite the present tear stains on his puffy cheeks. You hoped he'd be able to get some sleep that night regardless of the circumstances.

The three of you left the classroom as quietly as you had entered it and went in the direction of the dungeons. Fred, as usual, did his job at looking at the map and keeping track of the names, moving on the yellow-ish piece to old parchment.

Fortunately, you reached the Slytherin common room without any disturbances along the way, and the boy went inside, eager to crawl into bed and not think about the ugly lady who had punished him so unfairly just a few hours ago.

The door closed without a sound, leaving you and Fred on your own.

His soft voice broke the burdening silence.

"Are you going to bed?"

If you were being honest, you hadn't even thought about sleep during your secret adventure and though your body was on the verge of giving out, your restless mind was sure to wander all night. And the idea of being alone with your thoughts scared you.

"Actually… I don't think so," you began, fiddling with your fingers in hopes to not let Fred see how much they were trembling. "I doubt I'd be able to get any sleep now."

"Me too, I admit," Fred scratched the back of his neck, uncertain as to how to make the situation less awkward than it was. Trying to get you to talk was hard enough as it was, but your sudden avoidance wasn't helping either. All Fred wished for was to witness the hopeful spark in your eyes, the spark that he had noticed diminish on the first day of school when the unsettling news was announced.

Fred was determined to bring the light back and see your joyous smile again.

Without skipping a beat he said.

"Come with me."

Your eyes shot up in surprise, meeting Fred's for the first time that night. You expected to see the ever-present playful mischief in them, but instead they glistened with something you could not quite recognize. The corners of his mouth had formed a smile, one that didn't intend to mock or provoke in any way, but still contained his usual boyish charm. It was humble and sincere, and along with the anticipating look in his eyes it read.

Trust me.

Your mouth went dry, any and all reasoning to stay vanishing in thin air as you tried to make sense out of your inner conflict. Fred surely wouldn't care if you said no, would he? It's not like he'd be offended that someone like you refused to go with him; why would he even be interested in you in the first place?

But the idea of spending some time alone with him did sound very tempting - you desperately needed some positivity in that moment, feeling exceptionally drained of all your energy after having to witness the emotional and psychological impact of Umbridge's dictatorship. And if there was someone who could lift your spirit even in such dark times, that would be Fred.

Screw the idea of a potential relationship, you needed a friend right now.

"Where to, Weasley?"

Fred grinned at the nickname and shoved hands into his pockets.

"The Astronomy Tower. Are you coming?"

You smiled at him.

"Sure."

It was indeed a brilliant idea to spend the night at the place where anyone rarely ever set a foot. Regardless of it being crowded during classes all day, the Tower wasn't a common choice for students to meet, them much preferring locations like the common rooms, the Great Hall, the school grounds or even the Black Lake. But the Tower did possess a magnetic, obscure charm which many people failed to comprehend and appreciate; charm only meant to lure the wandering souls seeking peace under the stars.

Fred approached the iron railing, breathing in the cold, early spring air, and sat cross-legged on the ground. As he saw you standing a few feet away from him, he patted the empty spot next to him.

"Come on now, don't leave me sitting on my own like that," he joked and his face lit up when he noticed the ghost of a smile on your lips for a brief moment. You joined Fred on the ground, settling on a polite distance from him, and though he was slightly disappointed by the gesture, he was grateful to be in your presence nonetheless.

Silence fell over both of you like soft velvet while you stared off into the horizon; the view reached the Forbidden Forest, the outlines of which had melted into the pitch black sky like ink, the lines between the two practically nonexistent in the dead hours of the night as they blurred into one endless void.

"I don't remember the last time I saw stars on the sky," Fred addressed your ever-listening companions above in a low, hushed voice that caused warmth to blossom within you regardless of the cold surrounding you.

"Me neither," you agreed, nostalgia creeping into you, but you decided you'd welcome it this time. "Such a shame we can't see the moon though."

Your friend nodded, lips pursed into a thin line, "That's because it's currently new moon. We'll need to wait for awhile until it's visible again."

You turned to Fred and the air was knocked out of your lungs. All you could do was silently admire the way the starlight was softening his sharp features and giving his usually flaming red hair a calming shade of copper. His eyes seemed to glow in the dark, and you found yourself coming to the conclusion you had realised long ago.

He was such a beautiful man.

Those glowing eyes landed on yours and you felt your face heat up.

"How are you?" he asked abruptly and you choked out in bafflement.

"Y-You mean, right now? Or in general?..."

"How are you coping?" he rephrased. "You know, with everything going on. I noticed Umbridge bothering you recently."

A shuddering breath.

"I like to think that I'm doing better than others," you nodded hesitantly, finding it hard to sort out your emotions. "I'm more worried about the most vulnerable among us, the youngest students. They're just children. They're the ones that are most terrified. I really hope Dumbledore will be able to do something about it… no matter where he might be right now."

Fred was watching you intently; he did not miss your expression, darkened with concern, nor did he miss your slumped figure, slightly hunched over for a reason he believed was other than exhaustion. Your friend moved closer and nudged your foot with his.

"I don't want you to talk to me about the rest. I want to hear about you. I can clearly see you're being tormented by her."

"As if you're not."

"That's not the point," he insisted and placed a hand on your knee, causing you to face him. His smile was gone. "I need to know how this madness is affecting you."

"I couldn't care less about what that toad puts me through," you shook your head dismissively and shrugged. Why was he getting so worked up about it? "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does! It matters to me!" Fred hissed in frustration. "Do you think it doesn't hurt me every time I see Umbridge picking at you or calling you for detention? Because it bloody does and you have no idea how horrible it feels to not be able to help you."

He gave your knee a squeeze.

"For once, just for one time, please. Please, stop trying to be the hero of everybody. Believe me, we see- I see how hard you're trying to keep your chin up despite all the shit you're facing, and that's admirable, but right now it's not necessary. Let go. It's just me."

A way too familiar lump formed in your throat and your chest constricted painfully before it harshly dilated, letting out choked breaths. Fred was quick to envelope you in his long arms before your tears even rolled down your cheeks, and when they did, they met his shoulder. Your hands flew around his neck, body falling into his and soaking up his warmth. Fred pressed his soft lips to your temple, calming the racing pulse as you cried freely and unapologetically. Darling, you feel too much.

It's just me.

Your friend didn't let you out of his hold even when your heart-wrenching whimpers were reduced to weak sobs. He continued cradling your exhausted body which was on the verge of completely giving out. But Fred didn't mind, finding astonishing strength in your vulnerability.

After what seemed like hours, you forced yourself to timidly whisper, lip quivering, "I'm scared... And confused."

"Me too, sweetheart," Fred hummed into your ear. "Me too."

You wiped away the trails of dried tears lingering on your face.

"There's just too much going on. Too much that I'm not ready for."

Realization flashed in Fred's brown eyes and they looked down at you with so much longing, sincerity, but also sympathy and understanding.

You weren't angry at him. You were afraid.

And that was alright.

There was enough time, not need for a rush.

Fred had been waiting for years to find out whether his burning feelings for you were reciprocated, constantly suppressing them in fear of scaring you away and losing you. And now that he knew your heart belonged to him like his did to you, all the stars above couldn't contain his untamed happiness, pure and hopeful.

Surely he could wait a little more for you to grow comfortable with your own emotions.

Fred tightened his hold around you and pecked your cheek tenderly, the subtle touch sending a shock throughout your body and subsiding your need for sleep.

"That's alright," he whispered. "Rest now."

@self-ship-love @susceptible-but-siriusexual @hufflexpuff @neovannii

Message me if you want to be tagged~

Reblog my work if you enjoyed it!

Masterlist

[ssavanessa22]

UTI’S and Profiling Classes

@cmwocappreciationweek Monday: A fic about your favourite character of colour 

Paring: Tara x Emily 

Warnings: People being tipsy, suggestive sexual language, UTI's

A/N: Guys, I'm so excited this is the first day of my criminal minds writers of appreciation week! I hope you all enjoy this, and I can't wait to read what everyone writes :) and sorry this was date late I scheduled it for 11pm so I'm not sure why it didn't post at that time

By the end of a girls night, mostly everyone was tipsy; Penny on her fifth glass on some type of colourful fruity drink, JJ drinking some fancy kind of wine that Emily had in her wine cellar. Leaving Tara and Emily, who were slightly buzzed from the whiskey, they were having. 

"Okay, girls, I've been waiting all night to ask this question all night! How are everyone's loves lives" Penelope slurred 

"Well, I mean, I'm married, so nothing new is going on; however, Will wants another baby, and I kind of want another one as well", she replied, looking down at her drink, shed been thinking about this for a long time but never really knew how to bring it up to the girls. 

"Aww, Jayje, I'm so happy and excited for you two; whatever you decide, we'll all be here for you."

"Yeah, definitely JJ, we will all be here for you guys", Tara added.

"What about you, Emily, any boyfriends or girlfriends on the radar" penny asked, prying for some titbit of information. 

"Ummm, no nope, not at all", she quickly replied, glancing at Tara. "What about you, Penny? How's it going with Luke" trying as hard as possible to distract Penny from questioning her further. 

"Things with Luke are so good. I love him so much, and I also hate his face" she laughed at her response. "But to be honest, guys, he's amazing; he worships the ground I walk on. Has a banging body and a German shepherd. What is not to love about that deliciously gorgeous man?" 

"And how sweet is he? He's even been giving me profiling classes."

Emily and Tara both choked on their drink, and JJ laughed and Garcia's' comment. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know if I heard right profiling classes?" Emily said in utter shock

"Yep, at first it something to kind of you know to spice up the bedroom." she replied in a lower tone." But now I just do it for fun. I was able to profile the other day that it was Spencer who ate my lemon and honey yoghurt from the fridge" she finished of smiling. 

The girls were all laughing comically at Penelope answers. 

"Well, enough about you, penny, Tara. Do you have guys you are interested in right now? I heard from the receptionist in the crimes division that a certain agent has a thing for you," JJ asked. Tara quickly looked to Emily and back down at her lap. Even though most people in the room were profilers and being a profiler, she knew her body language was closed off, realising now that being questioned in front of a group of profilers is much more complicated than suspected unsubs made it look. 

"Oooo, secret admirers, how exciting." 

"Um, no, I'm just kind of taking time for myself right now, not looking for anyone to date", she replied quickly again, wanting to end this conversation as fast as possible. 

"Oh well, that's sad to hear cause I heard there were a lot of guys who had their eye on you." 

"I guess so, but I'm not looking for anything right now, so I guess all the hunky men are going to wait," she answered awkwardly. 

As the JJ, Penelope and Tara started to get ready to leave and help Emily clean everything, Garcia was still on her mission. 

"Are you sure Luke cant give you a lift, Tara? You live pretty close to him, and I want you to get home safe" she was testing her theory. Now she wanted to find out whether her gut feeling was correct or not. 

Tara tried to reassure her, "Nope, don't worry about it at all. You just get home safe and drink lots of water, Penelope, okay?"  "Yeah penny ill drop her home after she's finished helping me clean up nothing to worry about you two" Emily added 

"Okay, well, let's get going, penny, Luke downstairs to pick us up." 

"Okay, okay, I'm coming down, Jayje", she said, still slurring her words. "I'll be down in a sec." 

"Okay, love; night Em night Tara" as she started to walk down the stairs, Penny checked the landing to make sure JJ was out of earshot. 

"One more thing before I-I-I go", she hiccupped," you guys are terrible profilers."

"What, why are we terrible profilers?" 

"You would have known this whole time that I was never really drunk; I've been pretending this whole to see if I was right." 

Emily was shocked, Penelope is sunflower personified, and this type of sneakiness and deception was just so out of character for her. Still, if anyone else were on the receiving end of this, Emily would 100% be proud of Garcia. 

"What have you been drinking this whole night then."

"Cranberry Juice mixed with lemonade, I think I have a UTI coming, so this was killing two birds with one stone. 

"Why would you do that anyway, like what was the theory you were trying to prove in the first place?" Tara asked 

"That you and Emily are dating."

"WHAT, no no no, we are not dating. We are just friends that all, nothing else is going on, promise." 

"You two are terrible liars, and I'm too tired for this; all I know are two things. One that you two are dating and two I would make a surprising good profiler, anyways night guys!" she started to leave Emily’s door  going to meet JJ and Luke who was waiting in the car for her "oh and don't worry your secret is safe with me. She said with a wink before she was out of sight. 

The room was enveloped with silence, mainly Tara and Emily trying to think about what had given them away. 

"How on earth did she even know?- How did we not even realise she wasn't drunk?" 

"Honestly, with Penelope, I stopped asking a long time ago how she just knows things."

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