#amd I've worked do hard to be that support

[ophelia-bloodletting]

.

[guinevereslancelot]

is there anything worse than feeling like ur the only one putting any effort into all of your relationships. el oh el

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

I think part of why I like bbrae as a concept (and usually not in practice bc it's almost never been done successfully, cus I'm a picky bitch) is because one of them is absolutely terrified of being sexually intimate with anyone, not because she doesn't want to be, but because she's afraid of HERSELF and what she might do in that situation, and is also (from the ntt era at least) comes off, to me at least, as a big romantic who desperately WANTS to love and be loved but doesn't know how/is scared of that too, and probably has at least a little crush on basically everyone who has ever been nice to her (but she would never ever ever pursue that) (certain canon events aside) because so few people HAVE... She probably has a hard time truly differentiating platonic and romantic feelings (which is actually supported by canon) due to having little experience with either one so far, but she learns how to easier with time (but probably never fully grasps the "difference", and maybe there isn't much of one to her, because she's also extremely autistic. Go autism girl go!!!)

(also must be said that raven absolutely must be the equivalent of a scared prey animal, if she doesn't have little bunny rabbits anxiety at all times it's just not my raven)

And the other is someone who will basically throw himself at anyone who gives him half a chance but has never had a successful, healthy relationship because he's been used and abused almost his entire life, has only had a few scant healthy influences on his life since he was a small child, his character, to me, is FUNDAMENTALLY influenced by being an abuse victim, and that type of trauma almost always causes some kind of issues later on with emotional connection and intimacy. He's got the physical stuff handled, that makes him feel useful, but he's scared to let anybody actually IN given how badly people who were SUPPOSED to care about him have treated him in the past, so that kind of emotional intimacy is terrifying to him. (Which is often supported by canon, he rarely lets down his mask and truly let's people in)

Also tbh gar BPD king

So, basically, I like the relationship in concept because it's two people who are so so different, who feel and love and care in SUCH different ways both because of trauma and because of just... How they're built. but both being willing to try to bridge that gap to understand each other despite speaking completely different languages and making absolutely no sense, and building something that's absolutel nonsense to anyone else but it makes sense TO THEM amd it WORKS (first platonically, bc I cannot see these two ever growing feelings without a good 7 years of comradery as a foundation, and also bc both absolutely would need full-adult emotional maturity to make a relationship work with all their Trauma Landmines to avoid)

And this is why I am extremely fucking picky about content of them (both canon and fan made) because almost NOTHING I've ever come across has ever even scratched the surface of the kind of dynamic and relationship I know they COULD HAVE... No offense at all meant towards people with a different take on them, it's just not my style

[ghooostbaby]

i have a budding head canon (that relates to huaxuan, stay with me) that hua cheng's relationship with sex got pretty damaged by witnessing xie lian being enchanted by the sex flowers when hua cheng was just a teen. think about it - the first and only person he has a crush on when he's so young, he sees going into orgasmic pleasure in this atmosphere of danger and shame, and that person stabs themselves and undergoes great pain to avoid feeling sexual pleasure. AND after hua cheng's childhood of abuse that gives him a rage at the idea of hurting someone he loves. AND that's just the first of the times hua cheng witnesses xie lian being stabbed and we know what xie lian being stabbed comes to be extremely significant for his whole existence as a ghost. so I think hua might be afraid of sex, pleasure, desire, etc, initially, associate it with this violent act, and balks at the idea of having sex with xie lian even in his fantasies, because he only wants to offer to xie lian things that supports him and gives good things, and from his earlier times with xie lian he knows sexual pleasure is not something xie lian wants.

when they go to the cave with his horny art, hua cheng wants to hide it. i imagine he did those paintings originally in a state of great suffering when he couldn't help but pour those desires out of him, but he never wanted to bring to the surface for others to see. it's just that xie lian is so surprisingly open to it, and into kissing him and touching him from the time they meet. and ... well, we know how things go from there.

i think it would be very interesting that young budding ghost king hua cheng associates sex with violence or suffering, and doesnt want to inflict on xie lian anything that will hurt him, and works hard to exercise self control over his desires. but somehow centuries before meeting xie lian he learns to deal with this...

ENTER coordinating he xuan head canon...

so, I've been gradually reading the black water arc and been especially interested reading closely about the reverend of empty words and generally how ghosts work and/or develop in tgcf. there is a part where they say when a ghost eats another ghost they retain the consciousness, abilities, etc of what they ate. it is suggested that the more ghosts one eats or the more powerful a ghost that one eats is, the more it dilutes the sense of self of the ghost doing the eating. myself and my fellow he xuan obsessed mutual have had some fun exploring head canons on how he xuan would have started cultivating amd developed as a ghost, how this would play out as he absorbs other consciousnesses into himself before he has the cultivation to master them... and when he might have met hua cheng along this process, who perhaps helped him... :3

the reverend that hunted he xuan and shi qingxuan is said to be one of the most powerful of these jinx monsters. and as xie lian observes, they feed on fear, and their hunting method is to use their magic to declare a curse to their prey that when it comes true creates a surge of fear that the jinx monster feeds on which gives it more power to create worse curses which leads to increased fear, on and on until the prey is totally destroyed.

so i think that no matter how good he xuan's cultivation got, this thousand years old reverend of empty words would be a hefty mouthful for he xuan. i imagine him having just devoured the reverend finally and feeling filled to the brim with its feelings, instincts, needs, abilities, still struggling to hang onto himself as he xuan. the desire to eat fear is overwhelming but he is also himself, he cares about justice, not harming the weak.

and then i imagine hua cheng, as powerful and cool and sassy as he is, underlying it all is a lot of negative emotions, that jinx monsters find especially tasty, fear, and anxiety, and frustration. hua cheng's fear he'll never find xie lian again, that he'll never have enough or be enough or do enough to help him, fear of his own desires for xie lian as well and of hurting xie lian if he lets himself impose his own desires or expectations on xie lian, like all the people hua cheng saw around xie lian doing in the xian le years...

and hungry reverend/he xuan happening upon this tremendously tasty source of fear and despair and flinging himself out of nowhere and clinging onto him all teeth and limbs chomping on those bitter feelings hungrily. hua cheng could easily toss off this pathetic excuse for a ghost, barely holding itself together around a petty jinx monster, but it is actually slurping up all his fear, and it ... feels kind of nice. because it is the reverend, but also still he xuan who is not interested in causing harm, locking a victim in an endless cycle, he just needs to satisfy his hunger for this moment so he can get control back.

with hua cheng, he xuan is able to satisfy the hungers of the jinx monster to get it in check and eventually get control over its consciouness, while not doing harm to an innocent victim... feeding from this boundless source of fear, otherwise known as having sex with hua cheng. ^^ he doesn't need to send out harmful curses to incite fear, just slipping his robes a little off his shoulders as he slowly walks toward hua cheng is enough for a delicious wave of fear to emanate towards him. and hua cheng at first just wants to get rid of these awful feelings, and maybe discharge some of these base desires he despises with someone with whom it doesnt matter, someone he's not trying to keep safe ... but he finds that as they're clinging onto each other and he xuan is gobbling up every mouthful, without the murkiness of fear haunting everything, he experiences the physical sensation of lust and sexual pleasure with a clarity that makes it feel pretty good, and he can experience sex without losing his will to love and his devotion.

:D

[warclad]

New week, New start. It's been... a time. This year and the last few years. As a person, and as a crafts woman, I've gone through a lot of ups amd downs. I've grown so much! I've come out as trans, worked on my mental health, I'm working our and getting in shape, learning more about cooking, and I've grown leaps and bounds in My craft.

I've also been struggling though. I've often felt like my skill growth is to slow, to small, feard that I'll never get where I want with my transition, that I won't make any impact on the world. And, to be honest, business has been bad. Even as I close in on finishing my backlog, I've not been selling much, certainly not enough to live on.

Without the support of family, I'd have been done ages ago.I think I'm a good craftswoman, and I know I've grown a lot as a business owner considering I'm self taught. But I often fall short, take to long on things. I'm not too good at "playing the hustle game".

I'm still going to run warclad, I'm still going to try and get this to a place where I can support myself with my craft. But I'm also going to have to find a regular job. I'm hoping things won't change to much, even hoping that extra income will mean I can afford tools and supplies for my craft. But its the way things are.

It's hard not to feel hopeless about this. It all started because I couldn't find work. Being trans and trying to finally (fingers crossed) start my transition at the same time as a job hunt is... certainly not helping the optimism.

Still, I'm going to try. I have goals, I'm doing things that, for most of my life, seemed so hard. I've got new techniques I want to try, things I want to make, and I want to get back to my YouTube channel (I did say I was bad about doing things on time, right?) I've so much I want to do and even if I have more on my plate rather than less, I want to make it work! This isn't an end, it's a restart!

So don't go away, I'm certainly not. If you want to help a girl out, there Is always my shop, patreon, and Kofi. I'll talk more about plans later. I love you all so much!!! Stay strong and keep going!

[munsonsgirl71]

Last March someone very important to me lost his battle with cancer and it WRECKED me. I am still not over the loss and there is a whole in my heart that will never be filled. I looked up to him and his light and love, his kidness, his goofiness. He was one of a kind with a smile that could make you cry.

In May I met Eddie and in June I found Joey. These two men have given me a zest for life that I didnt know I could have. I got back into writing which is something I love and haven't done in YEARS. They helped to pull me out of my depression, helped distract me from the pain I was in.

Eddie came into my life without warning and completly flipped it upside down (no pun intended). He brought me here after a very long hiatus and helped me meet some of the most amazing people I have ever met.

@munson-trashcan Mols, you were my very first friend in the fandom and I love you to the moon and back. I'm still so sorry about predicting the ending of Days of the Week but hey... it worked out because we connected. I know we haven't talked much lately but I am always here and I know you are too!

@eddiemunsonfuxks Becca... You have been there for me so much over the past couple of months and I honestly don't know how I could have gotten through it without you. You encouraged me, supported me, hyped me up and loved me without judgement. I love you so so so much.

@hellkaisersangel Lexy, my angel! We haven't known each other long but we have gotten so close and it's truly the highlight of my day to talk to you about the silliest things. We have bonded so tightly that I am honestly shocked by it. I love you times infinity!

@joejoequinnquinn Baby! You are my source for all things Joey and God do I love you for it! We clicked the instant we first messaged each other and sometimes I wonder if we're actually the same person! I love you more than all the stars in the sky.

@harrywavycurly Sarah, my darling girl! I remember finding you on Tik Tok and falling in love with Boyfriend Eddie! I was ecstatic to find you here and I am so glad we became friends. You have been so encouraging with my writing and you have always been willing to lend a listening ear (or seeing eye) for anything I have needed. I love you more than Eddie's wife loves hot cheetos

@goldenbrownanddistasteful Sadiya, we haven't talked much but I hope that in the New Year we can find time to talk more. You are the kindest of souls and I am happy to call you my beautiful moot!

@myobmaya @icallhimjoey @caseyqdilla @billybluboy @sunflowergirl522 You guys are purely amazing! Such talented writers with such kind hearts. We haven't talked much but every conversation I've had with each of you has been special! I love you all.

And finally to every single follower of this blog that has liked, reblogged and commented on my work... I FUCKING LOVE YOU! To see 600+ people love amd enjoy something I have worked so hard on is the greatest gift I could ask for. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Xx P

[alaezasmystery235]

The anon who sent me that why I sometimes ask for other people's impression . Do you know I've never ever received a compliment from anyone around me , not even from my own family members. It's always ; keep growing and growing , toughen up . Silly girl crying over small things. Be mature. Don't be a crying bitch and go on with your life . I'm not ashamed to say this . That I'm forced to grow up amd be matured. I'm being deprived off of my childhood too soon. I've hurted my inner child and maybe that's why I'm being quite emotional rn . Maybe my heart craves for little compliments or good things.

At this point of my life I've understand two things very clearly :-

1. No materialistic things can make you feel good or satisfied for long. Emotional things matter too.

-> Take it as my example ; All of my childhood has been spent outside traveling and getting things from my parents without even asking from them. Somehow my little being has been kept happy with material things. But never received lovely talks or parent time. This made me believed that in this world only work matters and we have to move on from everything without taking care of our emotions.

2. No matter how much loudly we protest that society's opinions don't matter , somehow it matters . And at the end we are being tied together socially . So they always wins .

I'm not even angry . I'm disappointed. Very very disappointed and sad .

It keeps very hard to keep faith . It's tiring . I'm tired . I'm one to blame . It's all of my fault for not understanding it first . Srsly now I think that those anons hate I've received is alright. I've not kept my body slim amd trim which have made them bigger and me Ugly. I deserve to be hated upon .

Srsly guys how could you all love or support me ?? I'm not the one who deserves to be loved. Heck , You guys should not be giving compliments like you're beautiful. Because no one cares and means it ......

Hey Anons all of you , you won 🏆

Congratulations 🎊

[okay-computer]

i've got two inquiries. i'm looking for a colour accurate & bright display, 13 inches, doesnt have to be a powerhouse but i want to run krita/clip studio. i have a desktop for more powerful things like triple a games & video editing. below is what i'm considering for myself. 400 nits, 100%srgb (adobe is better but srgb is good enough) medium-sized ssd, windows 10 pro. my budget's $1000 & i need a windows machine.

HP Premium Envy 13 Laptop | 13.3" FHD IPS 100% sRGB Display | 11th Gen Intel 4-Core i5-1135G7 (> i7-1065G7) | 8GB DDR4 512GB SSD | Backlit Fingerprint B&O USB-C Win10 Pro Silver + 32GB Micro SD Card https://a.co/d/efuaE8m

what kind of gaming laptop would run easier tasks like minecraft, roblox, etc. as my friend wants to buy one for her brother. under $500 is ideal, new or used. i know that's a difficult ask. i'm thinking a used/refurb acer nitro? he needs it for high school courses as well. thanks!

in addition to my double question post. just going to add a few more laptops that would support my needs. forgot to mention i need it for notes in college, so fan noise, battery life, durability, and portability are important. around 400 nits of brightness or above. lit keyboard isn't necessary but is nice. i appreciate it!

Acer Swift 3 Thin & Light Laptop | 14" Full HD IPS 100% sRGB Display | AMD Ryzen 7 5700U Octa-Core Processor | 8GB LPDDR4X | 512GB NVMe SSD | WiFi 6 | Backlit KB | FPR | Amazon Alexa | SF314-43-R2YY https://a.co/d/26z6SFN

So it looks like you've got some pretty specific needs and pretty specific ideas about what you want, I'm not sure how much I can help you there. I can say that of the three computers I'm seeing linked, I'd be a bit concerned about spending that much on a 5-year-old laptop (the one with the 8th gen i5) considering that the other specs aren't all that impressive. Other than that, those all seem to be fine machines for the money.

Displays are going to display different colors; what you can do regardless is to calibrate your display. Not to be a million years old, but back in my day that's how we did it to get our designs from our PowerPC iMacs to our printer for the weekly edition of the newspaper. Here are a few ways you can try to calibrate any display (which is a good idea for everyone, tbh): https://www.makeuseof.com/how-to-calibrate-monitor-colors/

I don't know anything about gaming computers or gaming requirements, the MSI I recced earlier today might be a decent option for some basic games, but i think you're stuck with onboard graphics for that one. That may be okay for roblox, it may not; I don't know.

As to noise and battery life, you're going to have to check the reviews. Most ultra-slim computers will have low fan noise simply because their fans are going to be tiny; the issue is that if the fan gets loud because something goes wrong, it's going to be hard to replace. Honestly if you're planning on using one computer for graphics and for being a lightweight study machine, I would say "don't." Get the cheapest, smallest chromebook you can for notes in class and carrying around campus, and invest as much as possible into something with a huge screen and a ton of RAM and a newer processor for your graphics. The refurbished 17" I recced earlier might work, but that is a fucking cafeteria tray sized computer, you don't want to haul it around campus, it won't fit on most of the desks.

But, uh, yeah, as someone who spent a literal decade doing page layout on 13.3" screens, get yourself something that is big enough to have an actual visible workspace for art and design.

[reveriegirlie]

I actually got a lot of studying done today. And my test was also nice<33 pretty good start of the year ngl (except for tge fact that I had to see the guy who ghosted me at like 10 in the morning because of the test) but its okay, otherwise the entire day was so good!!!!

I really wanna continue with this streak. And I want to do well on my exams. It'd be nice to have good makes to show my parents and I really really want to make them happy. Amd I also want to be someone to look up to for my siblings.

God I'm being sappy today.

Must be because I've been reading a few sibling centric manga recently (shortcake cake, house of the sun) and they've been making me really emotional ngl.

Why am I so mean to the people I should love the MOST. if that isn't the most tsundere thing I've heard. But I'm not like that with my friends. Only family somehow. It almost kills me to wish them happy birthday too. It's just. Somehow embarrassing. How do I tell then I live them? Even if I'm a little mean and rude sometimes? I dont really mean it sometimes. Fr. But somehow it's just so embarrassing!!!

ARGH WHATEVER WHO CARES

exams are starting from day after so I don't know if I'll have time to write these letters. Honestly. Who keeps exams the first week of the new year??? Another Indian education system L😔😔😔 ig it'll never be good

Today was nice. I wish to grow as a person this year (and in heing to if possible)(I don't think it is possible though)

I'll be eighteen this year

MY BROTHER WILL BE SEVEN. I can't believe it. Feels like yesterday he was born. We were watching tge taarak mehta old eps yesterday. And it was that jalsa party thing going on. And BRO THAT WAS 2014????? time sure flies.

It's my sister's 10th too. She'll do great though. She has always been better than me academically. While I'm a little jealous, I'm also proud. She works for it. I should work hard too. I can't let her get too ahead of me, can I now? Who will she look upto then??

ARGH HERE I GO WITH TGE SAPPY AGAIN.

I think I should just sleep after all.

BYE.

I hope this blog continues to support me this year. I'm having a lot of fun so far<3

1/1/24

(Writing 24 in the end sure feels weird)(OH I WROTE 23 IN OUR TEST TODAY. DAMN, KINDA EMBARRASSING. that's a rookie mistakeTT, 18 this year going real smooth)

[wollycobbl3-blr]

song concepts i keep to myself bc i wanna write these when i'm an idol (or if),, doing it on this acc bc its not main amd i can do whatever the hell i want 😻😻😻 + my delusions ue ue ue

[CRUNCHED!] about being crunched by the jaws of responsibility and life,, i imagine it being super contrary to the rest of the discography. loud, noisy, then this cool drop w the sound of crunching idk,, "careful, don't tremble, don't falter, don't cry now, before the jaws close; before you get all crushed and-"

[phoenix] by the title, i think it's obvious what message this'll deliver. getting back up again from any struggle, no matter how much it kills u. i don't remember the lyric i made for this tho,,, ughhhh

[et al.] smth smth 'i'm not better than you but i've been doing great because of my hard work and support from others, i'll be that for you too now' smth smth

reblogging whenever i get new ideas idk idk

[kettlepickle]

How do people even make friends?

I'm having a meltdown and my anxiety is winning right now so I'm going to vent because theres nothing else I can do

I have friends, I've known them for a long time but I don't understand how these friendships came to be

I was never a child that had a shit ton of friends, only ever 3 or 4 kids but only one of them was really my friend

Then in middle school I met some other kids but didn't work out too well and I don't talk to most of them except 5 or 6 people

We met because I was on a group project with them and just kept talking to them after ninth grade (the pandemic "helped" amd we kept talking on whatapp since then)

Now I go to college and have not made any friends and don't know how

I also figured out I'm autistic (got diagnosed this year) and stopped masking most of the time and told this to the class

I like my friends but I just wished I had people to talk to at my class because I just feel like I dont fucking belong (my friends don't go to my university and I'm basically an outcast there)

I genuinely don't know how to make friends, I never learned how to do a first impression on people and don't know how to engage

I feel like I don't have anything interesting to other people and act too weird to be liked by neurotypicals

I can't even summon the courage to talk to other autistics because I just don't know how to start a conversation without embarrassing myself for being weird and uncanny

I've heard that people think I act standoffish and odd specially when I was masking so I decided to stop just because it wasn't working

Now I feel lonely and I don't even know how to tell that to my own friends cause they already deal with a lot of shit in their lifes, putting my anxiety on them just feels daunting and makes my anxiety even worse

I've been on tumblr for a while just because I wanted to meet more people but I just have no idea where to start and now i feel useless

Even when i take the steps to get to know more people i still end up isolated

I just don't know how to function like a fucking normal person and it makes me feel like shit

It gets worse because i do have friends, but we just talk via social media and barely see each other and i feel like shit because why would i feel lonely, i have friends and a nice life why is everything so hard when i have all the help i need and still i manage to fuck my social life up when people have it much worse than i do

I feel like a fucking idiot because i have all the support i could get and still destroy every opportunity to make friends by being too weird

I hate feeling lonely why do I feel so lonely as an adult this shit sucks

I used to be so different as a child, I didn't know how to make friends back then either but I could just copy the adults and it would work at all times and the adults thought I was so smart and mature, now other adults think I'm too weird and I hate kids (not directly, can't stand their energy and they're loud sometimes) so nobody likes me anymore besides my family and my only friends

I hate being this socially inept I'm so fucking incapable of talking to people

Even in social spaces for autistic people here on tumblr i feel like i can never belong

I guess i couldn't admit that I hated myself before

I don't think I hated myself, I guess that's why I grasped my self confidence so strongly ultill I crushed it and now it's gone

I created my personality around being smart and getting good grades in everything, but ever since I started 10th grade my grades have been declining and I guess I'm late to the fact that I don't have any real interests and don't know how to have a social life

Nobody's gonna read this anyway I don't know why I even fucking bother

I hate myself and I hate my neighbors and I hate everyone that missed little child me when I was obviously autistic and my parents juts heard that I would grow out of it but years later I got diagnosed

Sometimes i question my autism diagnosis but then this shit happens but i still doubt it

I'm really spiraling huh

My mental health is getting so much worse and I don't know if the therapist I'm.going to start seeing next week is going to fix it because the other therapist I was seeing before was completely useless to me and just made everything worse

Guess I just fucking hate myself

[focusandrelaxforme]

Documenting My Subject's Hypno Slavery Journey (Part 4)

And so the training continues. A few notes before we get to the entry:

- A few of you have asked if I have a guide or something I'm using to train her. The answer is no. For the most part, I'm improvising. I do have a general idea of what I want to accomplish. Aside from the obedience/submission, she's expressed a desire to get healthier, so I've started her on an exercise regiment, carefully monitoring her so she doesn't overdo it.

- This entry includes a sexual encounter with her husband. Part of that encounter involves testing her ability to stay blank and mindless while carrying out orders. This also includes waking up with no memory or awareness of what happened. As such, I've had her write a small addendum about her reaction to reading about what she did with her husband but has no memory of.

- This training of her obedience when it comes to memory and awareness is a particular interest of mine, so will likely continue in various ways as we continue this.

- As always, your feedback and support are greatly appreciated.

Enough of me, here's the lady herself.

--------

Dear Diary.

Today was the first day since talking to Master that I have had to go to work. I woke up st 6:30 and instantly felt my pussy aching from emptiness. I reached over and grabbed my lush off my nightstand and slowly pressed the toy back into my needy, obedient pussy until I felt sufficiently full again for my Master. Ahh.. much better. Why does it feel so good to be full. I then had to get ready for my day and head to work. I spent most of my day forgetting that I had my lush inside me.. the only time I thought of it was when I had thoughts of my Master playing with me.

We didn't get to talk much today, but my Master is so thoughtful and checks in with me all day. I have never felt so cared for as a slave.

Then I came home for a bit and went to a therapy session. Isn't it crazy that I spend all day with a lush pressed in me, and no one knows.. How dirty. I love being able to be a good girl to everyone.. but so unbelievely dirty inside. Master is bringing it out so well. I am curious to see how it will feel when master finally tuens on the toy for me. Will I feel it?

Tonight after I worked out (with my lush still in!) and took my shower, Master was home and ready to play with me. We experiemented more with covert hypnosis. He is a big fan of it. Usually, it doesn't work on me. At least that I know of. Until tonight.. . When Master put me deep into a sleepy hypnosis where he convinced me to give my husband a blow job. I had full intentions of complaining if Master asked me.. because honestly, sometimes they are very unappealing with someone who isn't dominant to me.. I Long for a throat fucking from a rough Dom.. with a fist full of hair and lots of drool. So tonight I did that myself. I felt animalistic as I kneeled down in front of my husband. By this point Master had made me remove my lush and replace it with my large dildo. This has become a nightly tradition, it seems. Lord, please dont make me wear the dildo to work Master. It's hard to walk with it

Anyway.. i knelt before my husband and teased the end of his cock with my tongue.. and licked so gently.. then moved to his balls and did the same.

I have such an oral fixation.. i love anything in my mouth. I quickly became more agressive and pressed his cock into the back of my throat. My husband was taken aback amd made a few swears and remarks. Haha. He likes to do this thing where he avoids cumming. It makes me very angry. I am never able to get him to finish in my mouth.. mostly because he knows I have a fear of cum . The taste and stickiness.. bleh. But the thought of being covered in it for my Master is so appealing. I took my husbands cock over and over in my mouth..gagging and drooling all over it.. pretending my master was taking my mouth. Then he decided to pull my shirt up and fuck my boobs.. he didn’t ask permission for that.. hopefully it was ok. Sorry Master . Then i stuck out my tongue and begged for his cum. He came in a tissue for me..because he feels bad. . But I got so much pleasure from being so obedient and making my husband cum for my Master. Its so weird how much I enjoyed it.

When Master woke me.. i was unaware of anything that had happened. Just that I was a little tired. Then he used my magic words and convinced me to remove and lick my dildo and slide it back into my pussy. Mmm I loved licking it. I then was told to fuck myself until I came. I wasnt allowed to feel the build up. And once I came, I wasn't allowed to know how or why I came. I only knew that I had extreme pleasure. I was floating on a cloud, and then Master brought me here.

Idk if I like not being aware of my orgasm.. i love the build-up.. and i love feeling full and the dildo stretching me. But the thought of not knowing is so extremely hot and exciting. Ooof. As my husband would say. Youre such a slut and I love it.

Until next time,

The very slutty deeply hypnotized slave.

--------

Thoughts on my journal:

I can honestly say that I dont remember most of that journal entry. It feels like a hazy dream reading it. Did all of that actually happen? Was it just put into my head? I am too embarrassed to ask my husband about it. It was very hot to read my experiences.. it felt like someone else wrote it for me. Its such an odd feeling..

-kittysub

--------

[boombboi]

FUKUCHI AND THE GOVERNMENT: AN ANALYSIS

Cw: mention of politics

I realized something big while i was washing dishes right after i caught up with the BSD manga so here it is

Technically, the government made Fukuchi the man he is now, a terrorist mastermind whose goal is world domination, namely to destroy all governments.

Before all this, he was a soldier. A puppet of the government in war. He went to battle countless times until he realized that he was just being used by the government.

Because the nation is commanding its soldiers to go to battle, that's why there is war.

Fukuchi believed that if he exterminate every nation, basically to destroy every command center, war will cease to exist since there won't be anyone commanding the soldiers/people

Fukuchi's hatred for the government is extraordinary. He referred to politicians as "angels" -- angels that needed to suffer. Because they hold power over the people by sending them to war without a tinge of responsibility, while all they do is bask in their riches and pleasure themselves.

"A nation's greed," he says. A nation's greed breeds war.

In the real world, war breaks out because a country wants one thing or another (mostly resources amd all those stuffs).

Now, here's the thing. This has been happening in the real world for millenias and it's not going to stop anytime soon. War is as old as history, and it's going to outlive every single human that's living right now.

Fukuchi is the epitome of revolutionary terrorism. He is every single human in the real world who knows the sins of the government can't be.

He understood, all too well, that the peace the government is advocating for is nothing but a farce. A farce to the common people and to manipulate the soldiers in the battlefield to continue fighting for the sake of this "peace".

All the while the government, the politicians, sit in content, in their extravagant mansions, enjoying themselves. They will only take real action when their riches and pleasures are threatened.

Now the funny thing is the government loves to act as a victim. When someone like Fukuchi appears and tries to destroy the system they built for themselves, they manipulate the soldiers and the common people yet again.

In other words, they're like this

"You will go fight in the war so that we can have peace, while i sit here in the palace commanding you and eating delicious grub with my pals. You'll most probably die or get PTSD but that doesn't matter bc we will have peace once this is all over and you'll be honored by the people"

then that soldier starts to realize that they're doing the government's dirty work and plots to go against it, then the government will be all like-

To the terrorists: "How dare you threaten MY peace?! This is outrageous! After everything i made you do to protect my power and riches, this is how you repay me?!"

To the people: "My people! This man here is threatening the peace that we all so worked hard for. We You have to stop them before our country falls into chaos and my power over you, my extravagant mansion, and all my money is taken away from me"

Who will win will always depend on a lot of factors.

And whether I'm talking about the BSD government or the irl government, honestly I am not so sure myself. It's a little bit of both ig. There has never been a single government that was all good, not that i know of, not in fiction nor in reality. Like people, they will always have their dark sides.

Anyway, I've been seeing a lot of "It's all Fukuchi's fault" memes circulating on the internet and while I dont like and definitely dont support the old man, it's more reasonable to say that it's all the government's fault.

After all, they made him the man he is now. The government made him a terrorist.

All Fukuchi is doing is fighting for his own ideology. He's fighting for what he believes in and whether his beliefs are good or bad, it all depends on the individual's morals.

In conclusion:

Soldiers are puppets of the government.

The government loves to play the victim when driven into the corner.

Fukuchi is one of those misunderstood villains

World peace is impossible irl and wars will probably never end

Whenever there's peace, there is always war

...

somehow when writing this, the line between fiction and reality became blurry and it felt like im standing in a very gray area that for some reason, i shouldnt be allowed to enter

THAT BEING SAID, i wheezed when i realized that the government loves to play the victim. All these corrupt politicians, they all love to play the victim. How disgusting of them

EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE HOW THEY'LL DEFEAT FUKUCHI and all those who got turned into vampires I hope they are all okay, esp Aku, Hirotsu-san, Tachihara, Gin, Jouno, and Higuchi

[weebsinstash]

I felt that: "I just gotta show ya somethin' real quick." from Mic in my soul. 😭

It's that thing parents do to coax their kids and I knew it wasn't gonna be quick. The dread.

Mic: C'mon! I wanna show you something.

Darling: What...what is it?

Mic: This punishment.

Stringing her along with gentle promises and softness because he knew she wouldn't like where they were headed. T-T

Dang. This is some, 'it puts the lotion on its skin'. 😔

Awesome update! ❤

Awww, thank you ❤ and yeah LMAO "just gonna show you something real quick" my ass! Reader isn't exactly going to be in there for a "real quick" amount of time either, if Mic mentioning that they have a cooler to put food in for her is any indication.

another part of it, imo anyways, is Hizashi learning all of the Reader's emotional and mental weakspots (need for positive reassurance, need for emotional support, need for stability, fear of the unknown/potential danger) and he has a track record of being "the nice one" who has been less physically aggressive, so he's absolutely "good cop, bad cop" ing the Reader, which i mean, isn't that hard considering Reader was already pretty emotionally unstable before the guys came around, which was also a factor of her fluctuating jobs, which will be elaborated on in the next chapter or so, actually.

Also don't forget that if the Heroes have realized they left a shaving razor in her bathroom, neither of them have said anything about it, which I mean, it's not really a spoiler for me to say it's because they don't even realize Reader has it since I feel like it's already been pretty well-established that if they're aware you have something you could use to hurt yourself that they remove it from your environment ASAP. So. That'll be a fun discovery for everyone! Deadass gotta remind myself not to forget about all the different little loose ends I gotta tie up, the occasional foreshadowing, so on, so forth

Very soon we're basically going to have a big emotional backstory reveal before we kick into the "main course" of this particular fic, the "main conflict" that has to be resolved before it ends, if you will. Which. Hhh. Has been one of the reasons I've been hesitating because it's gonna have a lot going on and will open up future conflicts amd possibilities and I just want to make sure I have everything *chefs kiss* worked out just right

But lmao yeah Reader is about to go through so much fucking bullshit that she might actually be glad to be in this house after all....

[techav]

Fixing What Ain't Broke

I was recently given a Dell Inspiron netbook. It's a pathetically under-powered thing with an AMD E2, 4GB of RAM and 32GB eMMC. It could barely hold and run the Windows 10 installation it came with, and even Ubuntu was a struggle. It needed some upgrades. More memory, better storage.

Upgrading RAM was easy — it supports up to 8GB of DDR4, and I just happened to have a compatible card laying around.

Storage was harder. While this series of netbook did have models that supported SATA hard drives, this particular unit didn't have the SATA port populated, and was missing a buffer and some passive components as well. Clearly not a viable option without schematics, BOM, and a hot air rework station.

This model also didn't have an M- or B-key M.2 slot for an SSD. All it had was an A-key M.2 slot for a WiFi+Bluetooth card.

A-key M.2 provides a single PCIe lane and a single USB data connection. Usually WiFi will use the PCIe lane, and Bluetooth uses USB. It's not ideal, but an NVMe SSD can work on a single PCIe lane. It should still be faster than eMMC.

The problem of course is an M-key SSD will not physically fit in an A-key M.2 slot, and it would require sacrificing WiFi. What good is a netbook without the 'net?

The first step was to get an A-key to M-key M.2 adapter. These aren't too difficult to find, but unfortunately none seem to break out the A-key USB signals.

I also picked up a cheap USB WiFi adapter. Sure, it was small enough I could have just left it in one of the USB ports, but I wanted a clean, invisible installation. I didn't like the bright LED on the WiFi adapter flashing, and I didn't want to risk snagging it pulling the netbook out of a bag.

So after confirming WiFi worked in Linux, I tore it apart and set about finding a way to install it internally.

Power for the adapter was easy — I just had to wire it to the power/ground terminals on one of the existing USB ports. I could have wired the USB data the same way, but then I would have had to remember not to use that port. It would be far better if I could use that USB data connection on the A-key M.2 slot.

The first thing I tried was soldering wires directly to the USB pads on the M.2 adapter board. It was some of the tiniest soldering I've done in a while, but lots of flux got me through it. Unfortunately it didn't work. There just wasn't enough of the pads to solder to without disrupting their connection to the socket. I never could get a connection all the way through.

Time for a new plan. There wasn't enough room on the back of the M.2 socket to solder wires to, so I traced the signals back a little ways until I found some test points.

These test points are tiny — far smaller than the pads on the M.2 edge connector. Thankfully though, they were spaced far enough apart I could solder to them individually without bridging the two.

It's certainly not the prettiest solder job, but it works. I'll probably come back later and add a dab of glue or clear lacquer to help hold the wires in place.

In the end, I consider this project a success. I upgraded the memory and primary storage without sacrificing WiFi, and from the outside there is no evidence of any modifications. That E2 CPU is still nothing exciting, but with a fairly lightweight Linux distribution like Xubuntu, it's a decently usable little device. It'll do just fine for some lazy weekend browsing.

[justanotherstardrop]

Ohh I get that. Being undiagnosed with things sucks. It's hard not knowing. Being manic is hard too, I get it from depressive episodes too. I hope you guys are doing better though!

People do deserve support! You guys deserve lots too! It's like so essential. Here's some good vibes for y'all too! ✨✨

Totally! It's not like anyone chooses to be disabled or mentally ill. People should definitely be more supportive.

It really does suck. But I will always be supportive of those who grew up that way and similar ways and just everyone who needs it!

And of course! Here's some more! 💐💐 And ohh bunny ears are cool!

It's hard to know what I'm feeling a lot of the time, but yeah, it's okay to not know.

Being manic is hard. I hope the Shanes are doing okay now! I hope Magenta is feeling better too! I'm glad they're safe though.

I'm glad adult Shane was able to get ahold of someone too! I've tried contacting the hotline before and been put on a wait list, so I'm glad they were able to get the help the needed! I'm glad you guys got at least a little sleep too! Even just a little is good.

You're doing a great job though Andy! I'm glad that they're safe now too! I'm sorry.. I wish I could help more , but you're doing a good job! 🏅 Distractions are nice and you are doing a good job! I can tell you're doing your best and you deserve and award for that 🌟 have a star!

(I wish I had a better response, but sending some good vibes your way! ✨)

-🌺

hello yes its hard- We'll tell our therapist about this manic episode it's been hard we're scared she wont believe us or take our seriously. thank you for your support.

it is! we agree. thank you for the vibes. we're sending good vibes to you too~☆ (Chocolat wantes me to add that)

big agree. its not our fault- we wish the world was kinder but its genuinely getting worse. people think your faking or its dont take you seriously..

we have a cat ear hat we wear a lot we also have a bunny ear hat we wear a lot. ^-^ it helps us with dysphoria with ears .. for me at least. i (Andy) don't need a hat but they are nice to wear. The Shane(s) and some alters are really comforted in these hats so we wear them a lot.

we've been looking into more feeling wheels to use to find out our emotions. it's hard with feelings and not know how youre feeling. its okay to not know too i agree but its always good to work on identifying your feelings. we suggest a feeling wheel.

The Shane(s) and Magenta are still manic to my knowledge. The Shane's are cocon and im doing my best to distact them today. today is very hard for a us for alots of reasons. we plan to do a lot of daydreaming amd watching anime

yes it helped a bit and it helped them get through the night. we get scared to call cause we dont want to be hospitalized again even though we might need it...wdk.. its been hard....

youre doing a lot. positive interaction helps a lot. its much better then no interaction or negative interaction. you checking in on us means a lot.

thank you! here's a star too ☆ were gonna distract ourleves rn so thank you sm for you ask 🌺 anon - Andy (mostly)