#amoureg speaks

[thisantithesis]

regulus who doesn’t know how to ask for a hug (specifically from james, no one else) when he’s upset and james who’s able to read regulus’ body language so easily and acting like he’s the one that needs a hug and not the other way around. they both know regulus sees right through james, and they don’t acknowledge it, but regulus loves james just that much more every time he does that

[thisantithesis]

james “i don’t know what to do with all this love i have in me” potter and regulus “i’ll take it. it has to go somewhere” black

[thisantithesis]

i know that sirius and regulus were most likely brought up to speak “proper” french, aka parisian french, but i like to imagine that in some world they were raised to speak québécois french, and sirius likes to use as many swear words as possible as much as he can, especially because the fact that they’re religious swear words makes it even more rebellious (and regulus too, though he’s more precise with when and where he swears)

[thisantithesis]

when regulus was younger he always wanted to be seen by others. whether it was friends, his brother sirius, or even his parents, he just wanted his existence to be acknowledged. sirius was always there with him, at parties his parents hosted or at night when neither of them wanted to sleep by themselves, until he ran away and suddenly regulus was alone. as he grew up he found it hard to make friends with people, forced to watch others from the sidelines, so he had to make himself be okay with that loneliness. it isn’t until he meets james that he knows what it’s like to feel seen, to have someone actively try and pick you out from a crowd, to be that person for someone else; and now he doesn’t think he could ever go back to the aching loneliness he felt before james became part of his life.

[thisantithesis]

i like to think of regulus’ anger as the silent type. like when he’s angry, his face will go void of any emotions but he’ll have the Nastiest glare ever and no one wants to be on the other end of that look. he’s not one to storm off dramatically when his anger flares up, he’ll wait until he has an opening and then slip out without anyone knowing so he can go seethe in peace. usually he’ll go to this hidden spot by the black lake or up in the astronomy tower to calm down depending on the time of day. he’s not one to make big and loud gestures to let his anger out, even when he’s alone. he usually counts backwards from 100, taking deep breaths and trying to rationalize his feelings towards what set him off. but sometimes when that doesn’t work, he’ll just dig his nails into his palms until they bleed, and it isn’t until he feels the blood dripping down his fingers that he’ll be able to relax a bit. the anger will still be there but it’ll be lessened a bit. he’ll stay there in his own thoughts for a while, then go back to his dorm with his usual composure as if nothing happened because he was taught from a young age to never let anyone see him lose control. “losing control makes you seem weak and no one likes you when you’re weak” was what his parents told him. he tries to hide the scars in his palms from his nails, always keeping his hands folded together so no one can see his palms. it isn’t until james follows him out of the grand hall one day that someone finally witnesses one of his breakdowns. he doesn’t do anything, just watches regulus from afar and walks back to the hall deep in thought. and although silent, just like his initial anger, it’s clear when it gets too much for regulus because all he does is shake until he can calm himself down

[thisantithesis]

james plays “love me” by justin bieber for regulus on his phone whenever regulus gets upset to try and make him smile

[thisantithesis]

starting to reread aftg despite the fact that i’m still trying to finish trials of apollo (banger series btw i love apollo being a drama queen) because i just can’t stop thinking about neil and and andrew and kevin and matt and allison and—

[thisantithesis]

regulus “yeah, i can see it all happen / you'd rather die than take your eyes off me / i don't love you like that / i’m a careful driver / and i tell you all the time to keep your eyes on the road / but you love me like that / you're a reckless driver / and one day it'll kill us if i don't let go” black and

james “i don't know how it happened / guess I'd die to keep your eyes on me / cause i love you like that / i’m a reckless driver / you tell me all the time to keep my eyes on the road / do you love me like that? / if i keep on driving / would you hold me when we crash, or would you let me go?” potter

[thisantithesis]

i like the “sun personified, always happy and supportive of others and rarely gets angry but when he does it’s Terrifying” version of james as much as the next guy but the “has always loved too much and too hard and now he has a complicated relationship with loving and being loved, kind of quiet at times but still unfailingly supportive of the ones closest to him” version of james is sooooo like. the Angst. the Hurt. the Silent Pining. it’s beautiful

[thisantithesis]

reading the All For the Game series is like this

“do you recommend that series?”

“no.”

“but you’re reading it?”

“yeah.”

[thisantithesis]

just finished reading the raven king and seeing neil go through what he went through during those two weeks at evermore, knowing that it’s just a fraction of the shit kevin went through when he was on that team makes me feel for him so much more than i did before

[thisantithesis]

remus “oh i’ve heard all about you / all those things they had to say / you're a legend 'round this school / locally famous drama queen / turn my eyes, i see you stare / aross the room and right at me / now you're smiling like you've got / like you've got something on your mind” lupin

sirius “you are always on my mind / sitting here i am waiting / ones like you they make me shy / innocently intimidating / i still can't figure you out / you're the kind that drives me mad / are you here looking for love / or do you love being looked at?” black

wolf “you're so beautiful / i don't want to turn away / you've been here before / make me feel like you're a / wild animal / shaking i am your prey / i’m all you want / if i could go back in time / i’d shoot my shot / i’d risk it all / if i could go back in time / i’d shoot my shot / just so i could have a chance with you” star