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[jennyboom21]

In 2006, the year Taylor Swift released her first single, a closeted country singer named Chely Wright, then 35, held a 9-millimeter pistol to her mouth. Queer identity was still taboo enough in mainstream America that speaking about her love for another woman would have spelled the end of a country music career. But in suppressing her identity, Ms. Wright had risked her life.

In 2010, she came out to the public, releasing a confessional memoir, “Like Me,” in which she wrote that country music was characterized by culturally enforced closeting, where queer stars would be seen as unworthy of investment unless they lied about their lives. “Country music,” she wrote, “is like the military — don’t ask, don’t tell.”

The culture in which Ms. Wright picked up that gun — the same one in which Ms. Swift first became a star — was stunningly different from today’s. It’s dizzying to think about the strides that have been made in Americans’ acceptance of the L.G.B.T.Q. community over the past decade: marriage equality, queer themes dominating teen entertainment, anti-discrimination laws in housing and, for now, in the workplace. But in recent years, a steady drip of now-out stars — Cara Delevingne, Colton Haynes, Elliot Page, Kristen Stewart, Raven-Symoné and Sam Smith among them — have disclosed that they had been encouraged to suppress their queerness in order to market projects or remain bankable.

The culture of country music hasn’t changed so much that homophobia is gone. Just this past summer, Adam Mac, an openly gay country artist, was shamed out of playing at a festival in his hometown because of his sexual orientation. In September, the singer Maren Morris stepped away from country music; she said she did so in part because of the industry’s lingering anti-queerness. If country music hasn’t changed enough, what’s to say that the larger entertainment industry — and, by extension, our broader culture — has?

Periodically, I return to a video, recorded by a shaky hand more than a decade ago, of Ms. Wright answering questions at a Borders bookstore about her coming out. She likens closeted stardom to a blender, an “insane” and “inhumane” heteronormative machine in which queer artists are chewed to bits.

“It’s going to keep going,” Ms. Wright says, “until someone who has something to lose stands up and just says ‘I’m gay.’ Somebody big.” She continues: “We need our heroes.”

What if someone had already tried, at least once, to change the culture by becoming such a hero? What if, because our culture had yet to come to terms with homophobia, it wasn’t ready for her?

What if that hero’s name was Taylor Alison Swift?

In the world of Taylor Swift, the start of a new “era” means the release of new art (an album and the paratexts — music videos, promotional ephemera, narratives — that supplement it) and a wholesale remaking of the aesthetics that will accompany its promotion, release and memorializing. In recent years, Ms. Swift has dominated pop culture to such a degree that these transformations often end up altering American culture in the process.

In 2019, she was set to release a new album, “Lover,” the first since she left Big Machine Records, her old Nashville-based label, which she has since said limited her creative freedom. The aesthetic of what would be known as the “Lover Era” emerged as rainbows, butterflies and pastel shades of blue, purple and pink, colors that subtly evoke the bisexual pride flag.

On April 26, Lesbian Visibility Day, Ms. Swift released the album’s lead single, “ME!,” in which she sings about self-love and self-acceptance. She co-directed a campy music video to accompany it, which she would later describe as depicting “everything that makes me, me.” It features Ms. Swift dancing at a pride parade, dripping in rainbow paint and turning down a man’s marriage proposal in exchange for a … pussy cat.

At the end of June, the L.G.B.T.Q. community would celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. On June 14, Ms. Swift released the video for her attempt at a pride anthem, “You Need to Calm Down,” in which she and an army of queer celebrities from across generations — the “Queer Eye” hosts, Ellen DeGeneres, Billy Porter, Hayley Kiyoko, to name a few — resist homophobia by living openly. Ms. Swift sings that outrage against queer visibility is a waste of time and energy: “Why are you mad, when you could be GLAAD?”

The video ends with a plea: “Let’s show our pride by demanding that, on a national level, our laws truly treat all of our citizens equally.” Many, in the press and otherwise, saw the video as, at best, a misguided attempt at allyship and, at worst, a straight woman co-opting queer aesthetics and narratives to promote a commercial product.

Then, Ms. Swift performed “Shake It Off” as a surprise for patrons at the Stonewall Inn. Rumors — that were, perhaps, little more than fantasies — swirled in the queerer corners of her fandom, stoked by a suggestive post by the fashion designer Christian Siriano. Would Ms. Swift attend New York City’s WorldPride march on June 30? Would she wear a dress spun from a rainbow? Would she give a speech? If she did, what would she declare about herself?

The Sunday of the march, those fantasies stopped. She announced that the music executive Scooter Braun, who she described as an “incessant, manipulative” bully, had purchased her masters, the lucrative original recordings of her work.

Ms. Swift’s “Lover” was the first record that she created with nearly unchecked creative freedom. Lacking her old label’s constraints, she specifically chose to feature activism for and the aesthetics of the L.G.B.T.Q. community in her confessional, self-expressive art. Even before the sale of her masters, she appeared to be stepping into a new identity — not just an aesthetic — that was distinct from that associated with her past six albums.

When looking back on the artifacts of the months before that album’s release, any close reader of Ms. Swift has a choice. We can consider the album’s aesthetics and activism as performative allyship, as they were largely considered to be at the time. Or we can ask a question, knowing full well that we may never learn the answer: What if the “Lover Era” was merely Ms. Swift’s attempt to douse her work — and herself — in rainbows, as so many baby queers feel compelled to do as they come out to the world?

There’s no way of knowing what could have happened if Ms. Swift’s masters hadn’t been sold. All we know is what happened next. In early August, Ms. Swift posted a rainbow-glazed photo of a series of friendship bracelets, one of which says “PROUD” with beads in the color of the bisexual pride flag. Queer people recognize that this word, deployed this way, typically means that someone is proud of their own identity. But the public did not widely view this as Ms. Swift’s coming out.

Then, Vogue released an interview with Ms. Swift that had been conducted in early June. When discussing her motivations for releasing “You Need to Calm Down,” Ms. Swift said, “Rights are being stripped from basically everyone who isn’t a straight white cisgender male.” She continued: “I didn’t realize until recently that I could advocate for a community that I’m not a part of.” That statement suggests that Ms. Swift did not, in early June, consider herself part of the L.G.B.T.Q. community; it does not illuminate whether that is because she was a straight, cis ally or because she was stuck in the shadowy, solitary recesses of the closet.

On Aug. 22, Ms. Swift publicly committed herself to the as-of-then-unproven project of rerecording and rereleasing her first six albums. The next day, she finally released “Lover,” which raises more questions than it answers. Why does she have to keep secrets just to keep her muse, as all her fans still sing-scream on “Cruel Summer”? About what are the “hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you,” in her chronicle of self-doubt, “The Archer,” if not her identity? And what could the album’s closing words, which come at the conclusion of “Daylight,” a song about stepping out of a 20-year darkness and choosing to “let it go,” possibly signal?

I want to be defined by the things that I love,

Not the things I hate,

Not the things that I’m afraid of, I’m afraid of,

Not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night,

I just think that,

You are what you love.

The first time I viewed “Lover” through the prism of queerness, I felt delirious, almost insane. I kept wondering whether what I was perceiving in her work was truly there or if it was merely a mirage, born of earnest projection.

My longtime reading of Ms. Swift’s celebrity — like that of a majority of her fan base — had been stuck in the lingering assumptions left by a period that began more than a decade and a half ago, when a girl with an overexaggerated twang, Shirley Temple curls and Georgia stars in her eyes became famous. Then, she presented as all that was to be expected of a young starlet: attractive yet virginal, knowing yet naïve, not talented enough to be formidable, not commanding enough to be threatening, confessional, eager to please. Her songs earnestly depicted the fantasies of a girl raised in a traditional culture: high school crushes and backwoods drives, princelings and wedding rings, declarations of love that climax only in a kiss — ideally in the pouring rain.

When Ms. Swift was trying to sell albums in that late-2000s media environment, her songwriting didn’t match the image of a sex object, the usual role reserved for female celebrities in our culture. Instead, the story the public told about her was that she laundered her affection to a litter of promising grown men, in exchange for songwriting inspiration. A young Ms. Swift contributed to this narrative by hiding easy-to-decode clues in liner notes that suggested a certain someone was her songs’ inspiration (“SAM SAM SAM SAM SAM SAM,” “ADAM,” “TAY”) or calling out an ex-boyfriend on the “Ellen” show and “Saturday Night Live.” Despite the expansive storytelling in Ms. Swift’s early records, her public image often cast a man’s interest as her greatest ambition.

As Ms. Swift’s career progressed, she began to remake that image: changing her style and presentation, leaving country music for pop and moving from Nashville to New York. By 2019, her celebrity no longer reflected traditional culture; it had instead become a girlboss-y mirror for another dominant culture — that of white, cosmopolitan, neoliberal America.

But in every incarnation, the public has largely seen those songs — especially those for which she doesn’t directly state her inspiration — as cantos about her most recent heterosexual love, whether that idea is substantiated by evidence or not. A large portion of her base still relishes debating what might have happened with the gentleman caller who supposedly inspired her latest album. Feverish discussions of her escapades with the latest yassified London Boy or mustachioed Mr. Americana fuel the tabloid press — and, embarrassingly, much of traditional media — that courts fan engagement by relentlessly, unquestioningly chronicling Ms. Swift’s love life.

Even in 2023, public discussion about the romantic entanglements of Ms. Swift, 34, presumes that the right man will “finally” mean the end of her persistent husbandlessness and childlessness. Whatever you make of Ms. Swift’s extracurricular activities involving a certain football star (romance for the ages? strategic brand partnership? performance art for entertainment’s sake?), the public’s obsession with the relationship has been attention-grabbing, if not lucrative, for all parties, while reinforcing a story that America has long loved to tell about Ms. Swift, and by extension, itself.

Because Ms. Swift hasn’t undeniably subverted our culture’s traditional expectations, she has managed, in an increasingly fractured cultural environment, to simultaneously capture two dominant cultures — traditional and cosmopolitan. To maintain the stranglehold she has on pop culture, Ms. Swift must continue to tell a story that those audiences expect to consume; she falls in love with a man or she gets revenge. As a result, her confessional songs languish in a place of presumed stasis; even as their meaning has grown deeper and their craft more intricate, a substantial portion of her audience’s understanding of them remains wedded to the same old narratives.

But if interpretations of Ms. Swift’s art often languish in stasis, so do the millions upon millions of people who love to play with the dollhouse she has constructed for them. Her dominance in pop culture and the success of her business have given her the rare ability to influence not only her industry but also the worldview of a substantial portion of America. How might her industry, our culture and we, ourselves, change if we made space for Ms. Swift to burn that dollhouse to the ground?

Anyone considering the whole of Ms. Swift’s artistry — the way that her brilliantly calculated celebrity mixes with her soul-baring art — can find discrepancies between the story that underpins her celebrity and the one captured by her songs. One such gap can be found in her “Lover” era. Others appear alongside “dropped hairpins,” or the covert ways someone can signal queer identity to those in the know while leaving others comfortable in their ignorance. Ms. Swift dropped hairpins before “Lover” and has continued to do so since.

Sometimes, Ms. Swift communicates through explicit sartorial choices — hair the colors of the bisexual pride flag or a recurring motif of rainbow dresses. She frequently depicts herself as trapped in glass closets or, well, in regular closets. She drops hairpins on tour as well, paying tribute to the Serpentine Dance of the lesbian artist Loie Fuller during the Reputation Tour or referencing “The Ladder,” one of the earliest lesbian publications in the United States, in her Eras Tour visuals.

Dropped hairpins also appear in Ms. Swift’s songwriting. Sometimes, the description of a muse — the subject of her song, or to whom she sings — seems to fit only a woman, as it does in “It’s Nice to Have a Friend,” “Maroon” or “Hits Different.” Sometimes she suggests a female muse through unfulfilled rhyme schemes, as she does in “The Very First Night,” when she sings “didn’t read the note on the Polaroid picture / they don’t know how much I miss you” (“her,” instead of that pesky little “you,” would rhyme). Her songwriting also noticeably alludes to poets whose muses the historical record incorrectly cast as men — Emily Dickinson chief among them — as if to suggest the same fate awaits her art. Stunningly, she even explicitly refers to dropping hairpins, not once, but twice, on two separate albums.

In isolation, a single dropped hairpin is perhaps meaningless or accidental, but considered together, they’re the unfurling of a ballerina bun after a long performance. Those dropped hairpins began to appear in Ms. Swift’s artistry long before queer identity was undeniably marketable to mainstream America. They suggest to queer people that she is one of us. They also suggest that her art may be far more complex than the eclipsing nature of her celebrity may allow, even now.

Since at least her “Lover” era, Ms. Swift has explicitly encouraged her fans to read into the coded messages (which she calls “Easter eggs”) she leaves in music videos, social media posts and interviews with traditional media outlets, but a majority of those fans largely ignore or discount the dropped hairpins that might hint at queer identity. For them, acknowledging even the possibility that Ms. Swift could be queer would irrevocably alter the way they connect with her celebrity, the true product they’re consuming.

There is such public devotion to the traditional narrative Ms. Swift embodies because American culture enshrines male power. In her sweeping essay, “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence,” the lesbian feminist poet Adrienne Rich identified the way that male power cramps, hinders or devalues women’s creativity. All of the sexist undertones with which Ms. Swift’s work can be discussed (often, even, by fans) flow from compulsory heterosexuality, or the way patriarchy draws power from the presumption that women naturally desire men. She must write about men she surely loves or be unbankable; she must marry and bear children or remain a child herself; she must look like, in her words, a “sexy baby” or be undesirable, “a monster on the hill.”

A woman who loves women is most certainly a monster to a society that prizes male power. She can fulfill none of the functions that a traditional culture imagines — wife, mother, maid, mistress, whore — so she has few places in the historical record. The Sapphic possibility of her work is ignored, censored or lost to time. If there is queerness earnestly implied in Ms. Swift’s work, then it’s no wonder that it, like that of so many other artists before her, is so often rendered invisible in the public imagination.

While Ms. Swift’s songs, largely written from her own perspective, cannot always conform to the idea of a woman our culture expects, her celebrity can. That separation, between Swift the songwriter and Swift the star, allows Ms. Swift to press against the golden birdcage in which she has found herself. She can write about women’s complexity in her confessional songs, but if ever she chooses not to publicly comply with the dominant culture’s fantasy, she will remain uncategorizable, and therefore, unsellable.

Her star — as bright as it is now — would surely dim.

Whether she is conscious of it or not, Ms. Swift signals to queer people — in the language we use to communicate with one another — that she has some affinity for queer identity. There are some queer people who would say that through this sort of signaling, she has already come out, at least to us. But what about coming out in a language the rest of the public will understand?

The difference between any person coming out and a celebrity doing so is the difference between a toy mallet and a sledgehammer. It’s reasonable for celebrities to be reticent; by coming out, they potentially invite death threats, a dogged tabloid press that will track their lovers instead of their beards, the excavation of their past lives, a torrent of public criticism and the implosion of their careers. In a culture of compulsory heterosexuality, to stop lying — by omission or otherwise — is to risk everything.

American culture still expects that stars are cis and straight until they confess themselves guilty. So, when our culture imagines a celebrity’s coming out, it expects an Ellen-style announcement that will submerge the past life in phoenix fire and rebirth the celebrity in a new image. In an ideal culture, wearing a bracelet that says “PROUD,” waving a pride flag onstage, placing a rainbow in album artwork or suggestively answering fan questions on Instagram would be enough. But our current reality expects a supernova.

Because of that expectation, stars end up trapped behind glass, which is reinforced by the tabloid press’s subtle social control. That press shapes the public’s expectations of others’ identities, even when those identities are chasms away from reality. Celebrities who master this press environment — Ms. Swift included — can bolster their business, but in doing so, they reinforce a heteronormative culture that obsesses over pregnancy, women’s bodies and their relationships with men.

That environment is at odds with the American movement for L.G.B.T.Q. equality, which still has fights to win — most pressingly, enshrining trans rights and squashing nonsensical culture wars. But lately I’ve heard many of my young queer contemporaries — and the occasional star — wonder whether the movement has come far enough to dispense with the often messy, often uncomfortable process of coming out, over and over again.

That questioning speaks to an earnest conundrum that queer people confront regularly: Do we live in this world, or the world to which we ought to aspire?

Living in aspiration means ignoring the convention of coming out in favor of just … existing. This is easier for those who can pass as cis and straight if need be, those who are so wealthy or white that the burden of hiding falls to others and those who live in accepting urban enclaves. This is a queer life without friction; coming out in a way straight people can see is no longer a prerequisite for acceptance, fulfillment and equality.

This aspiration is tremendous, but in our current culture, it is available only to a privileged few. Should such an inequality of access to aspiration become the accepted state of affairs, it would leave those who can’t hide to face society’s cruelest actors without the backing of a vocal, activated community. So every queer person who takes issue with the idea that we must come out ought to ask a simple question — what do we owe one another?

If coming out is primarily supposed to be an act of self-actualization, to form our own identities, then we owe one another nothing. This posture recognizes that the act of coming out implicitly reinforces straight and cis identities as default, which is not worth the rewards of outness.

But if coming out is supposed to be a radical act of resistance that seeks to change the way our society imagines people to be, then undeniable visibility is essential to make space for those without power. In this posture, queer people who can live in aspiration owe those who cannot a real world in which our expansive views of love and gender aren’t merely tolerated but celebrated. We have no choice but to actively, vocally press against the world we’re in, until no one is stuck in it.

And so just for a little while longer, we need our heroes.

But if queer people spend all of our time holding out for a guiding light, we might forgo a more pressing question that if answered, just might inch all of us a bit closer to aspiration. The next time heroes appear, are we ready to receive them?

It takes neither a genius nor a radical to see queerness implied by Ms. Swift’s work. But figuring out how to talk about it before the star labels herself is another matter. Right now, those who do so must inject our perceptions with caveats and doubt or pretend we cannot see it (a lie!) — implicitly acquiescing to convention’s constraints in the name of solidarity.

Lying is familiar to queer people; we teach ourselves to do it from an early age, shrouding our identities from others, and ourselves. It’s not without good reason. To maintain the safety (and sometimes the comfort) of the closet, we lie to others, and, most crucially, we allow others to believe lies about us, seeing us as something other than ourselves. Lying is doubly familiar to those of us who are women. To reduce friction, so many of us still shrink life to its barest version in the name of honor or safety, rendering our lives incomplete, our minds lobotomized and our identities unexplored.

By maintaining a culture of lying about what we, uniquely, have the knowledge and experience to see, we commit ourselves to a vow of silence. That vow may protect someone’s safety, but when it is applied to works of culture, it stymies our ability to receive art that has the potential to change or disrupt us. As those with queer identity amass the power of commonplaceness, it’s worth questioning whether the purpose of one of the last great taboos that constrains us befits its cost.

In every case, is the best form of solidarity still silence?

I know that discussing the potential of a star’s queerness before a formal declaration of identity feels, to some, too salacious and gossip-fueled to be worthy of discussion. They might point to the viciousness of the discourse around “queerbaiting” (in which I have participated); to the harm caused by the tabloid press’s dalliances with outing; and, most crucially, to the real material sacrifices that queer stars make to come out, again and again, as reasons to stay silent.

I share many of these reservations. But the stories that dominate our collective imagination shape what our culture permits artists and their audiences to say and be. Every time an artist signals queerness and that transmission falls on deaf ears, that signal dies. Recognizing the possibility of queerness — while being conscious of the difference between possibility and certainty — keeps that signal alive.

So, whatever you make of Ms. Swift’s sexual orientation or gender identity (something that is knowable, perhaps, only to her) or the exact identity of her muses (something better left a mystery), choosing to acknowledge the Sapphic possibility of her work has the potential to cut an audience that is too often constrained by history, expectation and capital loose from the burdens of our culture.

To start, consider what Ms. Swift wrote in the liner notes of her 2017 album, “reputation”: “When this album comes out, gossip blogs will scour the lyrics for the men they can attribute to each song, as if the inspiration for music is as simple and basic as a paternity test.”

Listen to her. At the very least, resist the urge to assume that when Ms. Swift calls the object of her affection “you” in a song, she’s talking about a man with whom she’s been photographed. Just that simple choice opens up a world of Swiftian wordplay. She often plays with pronouns, trading “you” and “him” so that only someone looking for a distinction between two characters might find one. Turns of phrase often contain double or even triple meanings. Her work is a feast laid specifically for the close listener.

Choosing to read closely can also train the mind to resist the image of an unmarried woman that compulsory heterosexuality expects. And even if it is only her audience who points at rainbows, reading Ms. Swift’s work as queer is still worthwhile, for it undermines the assumption that queer identity impedes pop superstardom, paving the way for an out artist to have the success Ms. Swift has.

After all, would it truly be better to wait to talk about any of this for 50, 60, 70 years, until Ms. Swift whispers her life story to a biographer? Or for a century or more, when Ms. Swift’s grandniece donates her diaries to some academic library, for scholars to pore over? To ensure that mea culpas come only when Ms. Swift’s bones have turned to dust and fragments of her songs float away on memory’s summer breeze?

I think not. And so, I must say, as loudly as I can, “I can see you,” even if I risk foolishness for doing so.

I remember the first time I knew I had seen Taylor Alison Swift break free from the trap of stardom. I wasn’t sitting in a crowded stadium in the pouring rain or cuddled up in a movie theater with a bag of popcorn. I was watching a grainy, crackling livestream of the Eras Tour, captured on a fan’s phone.

It’s late at night, the beginning of her acoustic set of surprise songs, this time performed in a yellow dress. She begins playing “Hits Different.” It’s a new song, full of puns, double entendres and wordplay, that toys with the glittering identities in which Ms. Swift indulges.

She’s rushing, as if stopping, even for a second, will cause her to lose her nerve. She stumbles at the bridge, pauses and starts again; the queen of bridges will not mess this up, not tonight.

There it is, at the bridge’s end: “Bet I could still melt your world; argumentative, antithetical dream girl.” An undeniable declaration of love to a woman. As soon as those words leave her lips, she lets out a whoop, pacing around the stage with a grin that cannot be contained.

For a moment, Ms. Swift was out of the woods she had created for herself as a teenager, floating above the trees. The future was within reach; she would, and will, soon take back the rest of her words, her reputation, her name. Maybe the world would see her, maybe it wouldn’t.

But on that stage, she found herself. I was there. Through a fuzzy fancam, I saw it.

And somehow, that was everything.

[sadaveniren]

People who are coming into my ask box talking about exploiting children as if gay men (and women) haven’t been having and using their own biological kids to closet themselves since the dawn of time.

NOTE I’m not saying it’s okay to “exploit children” but it’s ONE OF THE WAYS GAY PEOPLE SURVIVE. THEY HAVE KIDS WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX TO SHOW THEY ARE NOT GAY! Gay people put themselves through forms of corrective rape to try and protect their closet. And so Louis having a kid play actor (obviously we can’t know what the kids knows or doesn’t know but my personal thought is the kid is told he’s an ACTOR) is just a different flavor of that.

And we can get into the entire argument about the exploitation of child actors at a separate time (WHICH WOULDNT BE ON LOUIS IN THIS CASE MIND YOU THIS WOULD BE ON THE KIDS ACTUAL PARENTS WHO ARE PUTTING HIM UP AS AN ACTOR!)

Basically what I’m saying is regardless of what we the fans think or feel Louis’ closet and BG are not OUR problems. They aren’t OUR decisions. They are a product of Louis’ closet and we do not know the behind the scenes reasons these things might still be going on. And also to look at BG in isolation of the last two or so years in terms of Louis “choosing this” completely ignores the fact he DIDNT choose it. He fought against playing dad for SO LONG. If he is still doing there is a reason and that reason might just be it is the most simplistic way to maintain his closet - WHICH IS HE CHOICE.

Walk quickly with me through this hypothetical situation where Louis ends BG AND maintains his closet. BG has been something that has been an internet meme since the beginning. If BG ends the likelihood of Louis being able to maintain his closet without doing something ELSE heterosexual would be near impossible (elounor engagement anyone?) because a lot of his interactions with Eleanor (and women in general) would be scrutinized.

His only other - non ramped up stunt - option would literally be to disappear for a couple years, to let it all die down and hope that things ease up and so by the time he came back nothing was talked about. Maybe going MIA for a couple years isn’t something he wants to do!

You are allowed to be upset that things aren’t ending but a lot of the arguments and talk I see and get sent makes Louis a villain when he’s just trying to survive in the music industry as a gay man. His documentary just got banned in Malaysia for (among other things) pride flags - which he didn’t cut out! Him AND Harry have both performed in countries where homosexuality is criminalized and sneaking pride flags in was an act of extreme courage.

Being closeted is OKAY. It has to be because being secretly gay and alive is better than being openly gay and dead. So please remember… gay people do stuff we may not agree with to protect their closet. Having a child actor spend 3 hours a day acting is really not that serious of a crime. He could have an ACTUAL CHILD who he ACTUALLY was showing off and making money off of ala… oh idk the Kardashians… Beyonce or plenty of other celebrities who make their child part of their brand. It’s not like he’s out here using Freddie to make an adidasxFreddie collab. He is literally just… pretending to have a son that he showed in his documentary because HES CLOSETED. And if he didn’t include him in the documentary that’s meant to show off his life - coupled with the fact he just broke up with Eleanor - would make fans start digging and low tier media would pick it up - just like they did in 2016 with BG.

Just. Please. Critical thinking. Compassion for closeted people. Learn to separate your emotions from choices other people make.

[qnewsau]

Alfie Arcuri reveals if winning The Voice was worth it

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/alfie-arcuri-reveals-if-winning-the-voice-was-worth-it/

Alfie Arcuri reveals if winning The Voice was worth it

Alfie Arcuri won The Voice Australia back in 2016. Ahead of the show’s Grand Finale on Sunday, we chatted with him to find out if winning was helpful, how coming out has influenced his music and what he has planned for the future. 

Alfie Arcuri won The Voice Australia in 2016, being the first openly gay contestant to do so. 

The Sydney-born artist has used his life experiences in his songwriting from the very start of his career.

This has shaped him into being a mainstay on the Australian music scene for almost a decade since his win. 

We spoke to Alfie about his experience on The Voice and his journey as a singer-songwriter expressing his identity through his music.

Winning The Voice

It has been eight years now since you won The Voice Australia as the first openly gay contestant to take the crown. What was it like having the spotlight on you not long after you came out?

I still can’t believe it myself, to be honest. The more years that pass, the more surreal the whole experience feels. Looking back, it was an incredible time. 

I remember it felt amazing—finally having that validation after coming out, especially after years of feeling like I would never amount to anything or that my life was somehow doomed because of my sexuality. The Voice felt like a turning point in my life.

Do you have any insider tips or advice for up-and-coming singers and artists who want to compete on shows like The Voice?

My best advice would be to go into the experience without thinking of it as a competition. I never approached it that way. For me, it was about being in the moment—making sure I felt every single lyric I sang. It was more about connection than competition. 

If I were to enter a show like The Voice now, it might be harder to maintain that mindset because, at this point, singing is also my job, and the stakes are different. I understand that it can be a life-changing experience for your career, but I think the key is staying connected to why you’re doing it in the first place.

Life after The Voice

What has the experience been like for you as an artist in the music industry since your win?

It’s been a mixture of incredible highs and some really tough lows. 

The industry is not easy—you definitely need thick skin. There have been moments when I’ve wanted to walk away, but then something amazing happens, like when someone reaches out with a thoughtful message about how my song helped them, or I get to perform in front of thousands of people in another country. 

Those moments remind me why I keep doing it, and they balance out the tough times.

Looking back now, was the experience on the show worth it?

Absolutely. It’s still one of the most incredible experiences of my life, and it came at a time when my family and I really needed it. It was a distraction from so many difficult things, and it brought so much joy to my family.

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  A post shared by Alfie Arcuri (@alfiearcuri)

Across your career, you have competed in global song competitions. What were some of those experiences like?

I love the randomness of this career. I’ve sung in so many different countries—Italy, Romania, Russia, Germany, and more. I feel like in Europe, especially, there’s a real appreciation for music and the arts, which is always inspiring.

Queer life

You’ve always used your music as an outlet to share your journey as a gay man going through self-discovery, relationships, and even heartbreak. How does it feel to share such personal experiences, and how is Alfie doing right now?

I feel really lucky to be able to share my story through music. It’s been therapeutic in a way, and I know it resonates with people who’ve gone through similar things. As for how I’m doing now—I’m in a good place. I’ve grown a lot, and I feel more settled in who I am.

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  A post shared by Alfie Arcuri (@alfiearcuri)

What is “gay life” like for you? Do you go out on the scene or attend any events?

Gay life for me is great. I know some people are really immersed in ‘gay culture,’ but I feel like I have the perfect balance. I kind of live on the periphery of gay life in Sydney, tapping in and out when I feel like it. I love a night out with my friends every now and then, but I’m 36 now, so I really enjoy being with my family, my dogs, and having lazy couch days or gardening—honestly, I’m basically an old man!

His music

You’ve collaborated with a lot of artists and producers during your time. Who would be your dream collaboration?

I’ve been doing a lot of features lately, and I’ve loved collaborating with other artists. A dream collaboration for me would definitely be with Cyril! He’s an Aussie who’s absolutely killing it right now.

What is something people don’t know about life as a music artist?

That it’s really hard. You have to back yourself and work your butt off. It’s basically a lottery these days. Did you know 100,000 songs are released every day? It’s a tough industry to stand out in.

You co-wrote Cyprus’s Eurovision 2020 song Running and tried out for Eurovision by competing in Australia Decides and even San Marino’s selection. Is Eurovision still something on the cards for you? 

Yes, I would still love to be a part of Eurovision. It’s definitely a dream of mine. I’ve even written a song that I’ve kept in my pocket because I think it would be perfect for Eurovision.

This year, you were part of the Australian jury for Eurovision. What was it like being on the other side, judging artists instead of competing?

I really enjoyed being part of the jury. There’s definitely a lot less pressure on me as a jury member than as an artist! It was interesting to dissect the performances rather than just enjoy them as a viewer.

What can we expect from Alfie Arcuri in the near future?

More music is coming this year. I’m really enjoying the dance/EDM world at the moment. I’ve got two more tracks lined up for this year, and I’m working on a few originals for next year as well!

You can follow Alfie Arcuri @alfiearcuri on Instagram.

Read next:

‘So much pain’: Singer Alfie Arcuri reveals horror injury

Metal singer belts out screamo Britney cover on The Voice

Drag queen Brenda Bressed belted out a Cher classic on The Voice

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[pashterlengkap]

LGBTQ+ megastars have long dominated gospel music. Their flair has shaped the “soul-stirring” genre.

Every Black History  Month, there is a tribute to the Black Church and its gospel music. The contribution of LGBTQ+ singers to the canon of gospel music, however,  is never front and center in the celebration of its history. Every churchgoer – straight and gay –  knows the inimitable style and flair LGBTQ+ singers bring, a style that has long been part and parcel of gospel music. Moreover, what would gospel music be without the boys in the choir loft and gay church musicians? There is an undeniable queerness to gospel music, a particular interpretation, and expressiveness by LGBTQ+ folks, churched and unchurched. As repressive as the Black church is around openly LGBTQ+ identities, many of us are nonetheless drawn to its gospel music. Related: I wasn’t always proud to be a Black queer man. But one heart-wrenching moment changed everything. After years of struggle, I now advocate for LGBTQ+ rights across the country. Here’s what it took for me to get there. “It’s Black folks’ prayer and lamentation. It’s our language and expression as a people that cannot be taken away. It speaks to times of great joy and sorrow. It mirrors my breath and the beating of my heart. It is soul-stirring, and a meditation with your spirit with whoever and whatever is your God,” churchgoer Gary Bailey waxed poetically. Bailey is a professor of practice and assistant dean for community engagement and social justice at Simmons School of Social Work and is a member of Union United Methodist Church, the first “open and affirming” Black church in New England.  Never Miss a Beat Subscribe to our daily newsletter to stay ahead of the latest LGBTQ+ political news and insights. The Black church applauds its LGBTQ+ congregants in the choir pews yet excoriates us from the pulpits. It pimps our talent yet damns our souls with the theological qualifier of “love the sinner but hate the sin.” Our connections and contributions to the larger Black religious cosmos are desecrated every time homophobic pronouncements go unchecked in these holy places of worship. However, our pull to gospel music is seen as a calling, a distinctive gift to the church, and an expression of queer pain and hardship. For Charles Evans, former vice president of Cape Cod Pride, “Gospel music is tied to suffering, Black suffering and certainly Black gay suffering. It communicates our trials and tribulations through song that a better day will come.” Evans and his spouse, Paul Glass, are program coordinators for LGBT Elders of Color. Donell Patterson said his “entire life has been gospel music,” and he has the resume to prove it. Patterson is chair of the Gospel Music department in New England Conservatory’s Preparatory School and conducts three renowned Gospel Choirs in the Boston Area. Patterson has observed through the years that some Black church denominations are queerer than others. “Those denominations are more open to gays without announcing it, because of its liturgy and organizational structure like Pentecostal churches,” Patterson shared. The Church of God in Christ (COGIC) is the largest Black and Pentecostal church in the United States. Many of the gospel music industry mega-stars are from COGIC. The church, however, is conflicted with itself. These Black gay male mega-stars are always forced back into the closet, publicly denouncing their sexual orientation at the church’s annual convocation. Toxic masculinity contributed to the early years of AIDS, ravaging the gospel industry. The effects of AIDS were widely discussed but rarely publicly acknowledged until the death of James Cleveland, the King of Gospel, in 1991. Cleveland was influential in bringing gay men into the industry. He was a fixture at gay parties in cities he toured, and his sexuality was an open secret. However, the most devastating news following Cleveland’s death was when a male member of Cleveland’s choir sued his estate, alleging he contracted HIV… http://dlvr.it/T3FS5C

[ambivalent-auguries]

Ace’s Playlist (Remastered).

   Mood: Relaxed, country, latin.

   Full playlist // Tracks:

1. No Me Queda Mas // Selena

2. Bourbon Whiskey // William Beckmann

3. Nada es Verdad // Natalia Lafourcade

4. Te Vi // Mon Laferte

5. Just Unwanted // Bella White

6. Hexie Mountains // Orville Peck

[theshedding]

Lil Nas X: Country Music, Christianity & Reclaiming HELL

I don’t typically bother myself to follow what Lil Nas X is doing from day to day, or even month to month but I do know that his “Old Town Road” hit became one of the biggest selling/streamed records in Country Music Business history (by a Black Country & Queer artist). “Black” is key because for 75+ years Country music has unsuspiciously evolved into a solidly White-identified genre (despite mixed and Indian & Black roots). Regrettably, Country music is also widely known for anti-black, misogynoir, reliably homophobic (Trans isn’t really a conversation yet), Christian and Hard Right sentiments on the political spectrum. Some other day I will venture into more; there is a whole analysis dying to be done on this exclusive practice in the music industry with its implications on ‘access’ to equity and opportunity for both Black/POC’s and Whites artists/songwriters alike. More commentary on this rigid homogeneous field is needed and how it prohibits certain talent(s) for the sake of perpetuating homogeneity (e.g. “social determinants” of diversity & viable artistic careers). I’ll refrain from discussing that fully here, though suffice it to say that for those reasons X’s “Old Town Road” was monumental and vindicating. 

As for Lil Nas X, I’m not particularly a big fan of his music; but I see him, what he’s doing, his impact on music + culture and I celebrate him using these moments to affirm his Black, Queer self, and lifting up others. Believe it or not, even in the 2020′s, being “out” in the music business is still a costly choice. As an artist it remains much easier to just “play straight”. And despite appearances, the business (particularly Country) has been dragged kicking and screaming into developing, promoting and advancing openly-affirming LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 artists in the board room or on-stage. Though things are ‘better’ we have not yet arrived at a place of equity or opportunity for queer artists; for the road of music biz history is littered with stunted careers, bodies and limitations on artists who had no option but to follow conventional ways, fail or never be heard of in the first place. With few exceptions, record labels, radio and press/media have successfully used fear, intimidation, innuendo and coercion to dilute, downplay or erase any hint of queer identity from its performers. This was true even for obvious talents like Little Richard.

(Note: I’m particularly speaking of artists in this regard, not so much the hairstylists, make-up artists, PA’s, etc.)

_____

Which is why...in regard to Lil Nas X, whether you like, hate or love his music, the young brother is a trailblazer. His very existence protests (at least) decades of inequity, oppression and erasure. X aptly critiques a Neo-Christian Fascist Heteropatriarchy; not just in American society but throughout the Music Business and with Black people. That is no small deal. His unapologetic outness holds a mirror up to Christianity at-large, as an institution, theology and practice. The problem is they just don’t like what they see in that mirror.

In actuality, “Call Me By Your Name”, Lil Nas X’s new video, is a twist on classic mythology and religious memes that are less reprehensible or vulgar than the Biblical narratives most of us grew up on vís-a-vís indoctrinating smiles of Sunday school teachers and family prior to the “age of reason”. Think about the narratives blithely describing Satan’s friendly wager with God regarding Job (42:1-6); the horrific “prophecies” in St. John’s Book of Revelation (i.e. skies will rain fire, angels will spit swords, mankind will be forced to retreat into caves for shelter, and we will be harassed by at least three terrifying dragons and beasts. Angels will sound seven trumpets of warning, and later on, seven plagues will be dumped on the world), or Jesus’s own clarifying words of violent intent in Matthew (re: “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” 10:34). Whether literal or metaphor, these age old stories pale in comparison to a three minute allegorical rap video. Conservatives: say what you will, I’m pretty confident X doesn’t take himself as seriously as “The true and living God” from the book of Job.

A little known fact as it is, people have debunked the story and evolution of Satan and already offered compelling research showing [he] is more of a literary device than an actual entity or “spirit” (Spoiler: In the Bible, Satan does not take shape as an actual “bad” person until the New Testament). In fact, modern Christianity’s impression of the “Devil” is shaped by conflating Hellenized mythology with a literary tradition rooted in Dante’s Inferno and accompanying spooks and superstitions going back thousands of years. Whether Catholic, Protestant, Mormon, Scientologist, Atheist or Agnostic, we’ve spent a lifetime with these predominant icons and clichés. (Resource: Prof. Bart D. Erhman, “Heaven & Hell”).

So Here’s THE PROBLEM: The current level of fear and outrage is: 

(1) Unjust, imposing and irrational. 

(2) Disproportionate when taken into account a lifetime of harmful Christian propaganda, anti-gay preaching and political advocacy.

(3) Historically inaccurate concerning the existence of “Hell” and who should be scared of going there. 

Think I’m overreacting? 

Examples: 

Institutionalized Homophobia (rhetoric + policy)

Anti-Gay Ministers In Life And Death: Bishop Eddie Long And Rev. Bernice King

Black, gay and Christian, Marylanders struggle with Conflicts

Harlem pastor: 'Obama has released the homo demons on the black man'

Joel Olsteen: Homosexuality is “Not God’s Best”

Bishop Brandon Porter: Gays “Perverted & Lost...The Church of God in Christ Convocation appears like a ‘coming out party’ for members of the gay community.”

Kim Burrell: “That perverted homosexual spirit is a spirit of delusion & confusion and has deceived many men & women, and it has caused a strain on the body of Christ”

Falwell Suggests Gays to Blame for 9-11 Attacks

Pope Francis Blames The Devil For Sexual Abuse By Catholic Church

Pope Francis: Gay People Not Welcome in Clergy

Pope Francis Blames The Devil For Sexual Abuse By Catholic Church

The Pope and Gay People: Nothing’s Changed

The Catholic church silently lobbied against a suicide prevention hotline in the US because it included LGBT resources

Mormon church prohibits Children of LGBT parents to be baptized

Catholic Charity Ends Adoptions Rather Than Place Kid With Same-Sex Couple

I Was a Religious Zealot That Hurt People-Coming Out as Gay: A Former Conversion Therapy Leader Is Apologizing to the LGBTQ Community

The above short list chronicles a consistent, literal, demonization of LGBTQ people, contempt for their gender presentation, objectification of their bodies/sexuality and a coordinated pollution of media and culture over the last 50+ years by clergy since integration and Civil Rights legislation. Basically terrorism. Popes, Bishops, Pastors, Evangelists, Politicians, Television hosts, US Presidents, Camp Leaders, Teachers, Singers & Entertainers, Coaches, Athletes and Christians of all types all around the world have confused and confounded these issues, suppressed dissent, and confidently lied about LGBT people-including fellow Queer Christians with impunity for generations (i.e. “thou shall not bear false witness against they neighbor” Ex. 23:1-3). Christian majority viewpoints about “laws” and “nature” have run the table in discussions about LGBTQ people in society-so much that we collectively must first consider their religious views in all discussions and the specter of Christian approval -at best or Christian condescension -at worst. That is Christian (and straight) privilege. People are tired of this undue deference to religious opinions. 

That is what is so deliciously bothersome about Lil Nas X being loud, proud and “in your face” about his sexuality. If for just a moment, he not only disrupts the American hetero-patriarchy but specifically the Black hetero-patriarchy, the so-called “Black Church Industrial Complex”, Neo-Christian Fascism and a mostly uneducated (and/or miseducated) public concerning Ancient Near East and European history, superstitions-and (by extension) White Supremacy. To round up: people are losing their minds because the victim decided to speak out against his victimizer. 

Additionally, on some level I believe people are mad at him being just twenty years old, out and FREE as a self-assured, affirming & affirmed QUEER Black male entertainer with money and fame in the PRIME of his life. We’ve never, or rarely, seen that before in a Black man in the music business and popular culture. But that’s just too bad for them. With my own eyes I’ve watched straight people, friends, Christians, enjoy their sexuality from their elementary youth to adolescence, up and through college and later marriages, often times independently of their spouses (repeatedly). Meanwhile Queer/Gay/SGL/LGBTQ people are expected to put their lives on hold while the ‘blessed’ straight people run around exploring premarital/post-marital/extra-marital sex, love and affection, unbound & un-convicted by their “sin” or God...only to proudly rebrand themselves later in life as a good, moral “wholesome Christian” via the ‘sacred’ institution of marriage with no questions asked. 

Inequality defined.

For Lil Nas X, everything about the society we've created for him in the last 100+ years (re: links above) has explicitly been designed for his life not to be his own. According to these and other Christians (see above), his identity is essentially supposed to be an endless rat fuck of internal confusion, suicide-ideation, depression, long-suffering, faux masculinity, heterosexism, groveling towards heaven, respectability politics, failed prayer and supplication to a heteronormative earthly and celestial hierarchy unbothered in affording LGBT people like him a healthy, sane human development. It’s almost as if the Conservative establishment (Black included) needs Lil Nas X to be like others before him: “private”, mysteriously single, suicidal, suspiciously straight or worse, dead of HIV/AIDS ...anything but driving down the street enjoying his youth as a Black Queer artist and man. So they mad about that?

Well those days are over.  

-Rogiérs is a writer, international recording artist, performer and indie label manager with 25+ years in the music industry. He also directs Black Nonbelievers of DC, a non-profit org affiliated with the AHA supporting Black skeptics, Atheists, Agnostics & Humanists. He holds a B.A. in Music Business & Mgmt and a M.A. in Global Entertainment & Music Business from Berklee College of Music and Berklee Valencia, Spain. www.FibbyMusic.net Twitter/IG: @Rogiers1

[akookminsupporter]

I came across a discussion that made me think today. I don't know if you know Måneskin. They're an italian rock band that recently won Eurovision and has kind of blown up (as they should). And I've noticed double standards in how the gp treats them as opposed to bts. Of course you can't really compare the two situations because they're completely different. There are so many factors that keep a lot of people from listening to bts' music, be it racism or all sorts of prejudice, which Måneskin don't really have. But I do want to touch on the reception when it comes to sexuality. The members of Måneskin are openly bisexual, they've kissed on stage too, but somehow that detail flies over most people's head (keyword most. There are still a-holes around) because they're manly, there's a girl in the group and the music is good (plus bi erasure, but still). They also wear heavy make up, but it's part of the rock attire. Meanwhile, we know absolutely nothing about bts' sexualities, but because of their image they are commonly assumed to be gay... And that makes their music bad too? On one side you have homophobes calling them girls and homosexual, and on the other side you have the outrage of "fans" whenever someone so much as jokes about them being anything other than cishets. You see the double standards here? This is a huge problem. I've always known that homophobia's everywhere, but why does it seem to jump out only in certain situations? Like our fandom is unnecessarily homophobic if you think about it, the hate is based on mere assumptions. When Lil Nas X's song and video came out, everyone flipped. But somehow, when the lead singer of a rock band kisses both the bassists on tv with the whole world watching, the hate doesn't even make noise. Am I making sense?

Yes it makes sense what you say anon, completely.

I do know who the band is, great presentation and honestly they deserved to win.

In my opinion those double standards you mentioned that definitely exist are due to several things:

Xenophobia

Racism

stereotypes

Misconception of BTS

Racism and Xenophobia in my opinion, are the root of the whole problem. Western countries have always thought that they are better than Eastern countries, especially Asian countries. Western countries, according to Western people, are better. An example I always like to give when I have this kind of discussion is Samsung vs Apple. I don't think I need to say any more.

There are some stereotypes established in the West about Asian artists, Korean in this case, which is wrong of course. For the West, everything that comes from Korea is cute, delicate, feminine and superficial. It is under the lens of those stereotypes that they see BTS.

BTS as well as Måneskin break the paradigms that Western society established as masculinity or how a man should look, but more importantly how he should behave and dress. In my opinion, Måneskin challenges those paradigms much more than BTS, but unlike BTS, they are accepted as rock rebels, who don't care about anything and who live up to the stereotype of those who play the music they play. Whereas with BTS there is no such concession or acceptance, they are too pretty and feminine according to many.

The issue of their sexuality is then somewhat similar. Måneskin is a rock band, I bet manave said: Ahh that's how rockers are, don't you remember... and proceed to mention various bands or singers who were also like that, it can be said that the way they dress and behave is "expected" so not many are... surprised.

BTS on the other hand is a boyband, or is considered as such. In general boybands are not respected or taken seriously by the industry, everyone thinks they are pretty boys with often empty songs, with no message behind them and a bunch of teenage fans behind them. From a rock band they don't think like that, do they? That's also one of the reasons why many people refrain from listening to any BTS song.

BTS dresses "pretty" but they have deep songs and they have rappers. We all know the criticism Joon and Yoongi received in the past for being idols and rappers, they don't fit the mould of what a rapper should look like, with BTS it's the same thing. Although with BTS there is also the problem that their music doesn't fit the stereotype of what a boyband sounds like. Many people find it hard to accept that an Asian "boyband" is so much better than many of the boybands the West has seen in recent times, which brings us back to the issue of xenophobia.

Another reason why many people refrain from listening to any BTS song is the language, if it's not in English at least, it's not worth it. And only if it's in English at least, it's good. It's one of the reasons why many Latin artists, for example, had to release songs in English to be taken seriously by the English market. I mean, BTS had to release dynamite and now butter for radio stations in general to play their music, for example. But we can all agree that those songs are really aimed at the palette of the Western market, not their general fans. We know what these seven men are capable of when it comes to their music. In my opinion, BTS had to lower their quality standards so that the industry in general and western people (I know BTS has millions of western fans, but I'm talking more generally here) would pay more attention to them. I digress.

BTS fandom is a small society and as in every society there is diversity. Of thought, religion, lifestyle etc. That's good and that's also bad. Homophobia is something present in this fandom unfortunately and it jumps out a lot more in some cases more than others. Joking that all members have a polyamorous relationship is fine but a shipper believing a ship is real is not. Members are seen in a certain way by many of their fans and any threat to that image is immediately rejected.

[letterboxd]

A Cinematic Outcoming.

From Istanbul to Chicago, and C.R.A.Z.Y. to Spirited Away, Letterboxd member, writer and film programmer Emre Eminoğlu explores the films that drove his gay awakening.

“I see it as my duty to never shut up about how representation matters.” —Emre Eminoğlu

I was one of the luckiest ones, yet I had no idea how lucky I was. Growing up in Istanbul, Turkey, a predominantly patriarchal, conservative and homophobic society, my luck was being born into an open-minded, secular and loving family.

In this bubble, I was isolated from the struggles of the majority of my people. I was not bullied at school by my peers, I was not forced into being someone else by my family. Yet I still had that voice in my head. As soon as I realized something could be different with me, I became my own bully and forcefully adopted a fictional persona: ‘exceptionally normal’.

Coming out was hard, but coming out to myself was harder. Although I was perfectly aware of my sexual identity, I could not come to terms with the possibility of being ‘abnormal’. Cue cinema. Watching films was a way of escape for high-school Emre—it still is—and it was inevitable that I would come across some LGBTQ+ films. I was not consciously in search of a ‘truth’ about myself but I started seeing my reflection in them, as they slowly disarmed the bully I involuntarily created.

Twenty years later, now, as a 34-year-old gay man professionally writing on cinema and television, I see it as my duty to never shut up about how representation matters. Streaming LGBTQ+ shows on various platforms, seeing widely released, mainstream LGBTQ+ films, listening to the music of openly LGBTQ+ stars, and hearing words of wisdom like “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”, I am confident that the personal, inner bully that I created twenty years ago would not survive a week in today’s world.

‘C.R.A.Z.Y.’ (2005)

Jean-Marc Vallée’s C.R.A.Z.Y. (2005) was definitely not the first LGBTQ+ film I ever watched, but it was an invaluable juncture in my life. It was a hot summer in Istanbul, freshman year of college was over. One of my best friends, who had been accompanying me through most of my cinematic discoveries, told me about a French-Canadian film with this guy on the film poster with David Bowie makeup on his face. We headed to an independent theater in Kadıköy to see it.

Zachary Beaulieu was different. As the lone gay son in a family of five boys, he too was forcefully adopting a fictional persona, and his way of escape was music. He was constantly worried about how to be worthy of his parents’ love, how to realize their ideals of him, and how his difference and truth contradicted all of that. Zac’s 1960s basically mirrored my story in the 2000s. I perfectly muted the life-changing enlightenment I was going through and did not vocalize my inner screams.

In two hours, C.R.A.Z.Y. helped me realize my true self and admit my sexual identity after all those years. It was a personal threshold I had been longing to cross… but there was still a lot to go through.

‘Les Amours Imaginaires’ (Heartbeats, 2010)

Liking someone, falling for someone, being loved, dating someone, sex, refusals, misinterpretations, heartbreaks, break-ups, bad sex. On the other side of the closet, I was being introduced to new, sometimes euphoric, sometimes gut-wrenching experiences. But coming out to my friends was still a challenge. I was feeling so lonely keeping all these wonderful and horrible experiences in my chest.

But I was not alone: LGBTQ+ films were my life’s understudy. The same heartbreaks, worries, and disappointments I was going through were right there on the silver screen. I took note as two best friends, Francis and Marie, fall for the same guy and navigate their friendship in Xavier Dolan’s Les Amours Imaginaires (Heartbeats, 2010). I studied how a popular student, Jarle, falls for the new guy in school, but cannot risk his reputation to be with him in Stian Kristiansen’s Mannen som Elsket Yngve (The Man Who Loved Yngve, 2008) and I watched as close friends Tobi and Achim become lovers, until one’s need to keep everything secret threatens to destroy the relationship in Marco Kreuzpaintner’s Sommersturm (Summer Storm, 2004).

Things were not always accessible via online platforms and the internet, so film festivals were often the only chance to see the latest independent and queer films. Two of the biggest film festivals in Istanbul, thankfully, had LGBTQ+-focused sections; !f’s Gökkuşağı (Rainbow) and Istanbul Film Festival’s Nerdesin aşkım? (Where are you, my love?) felt like home.

‘Tomboy’ (2011)

Being the lone avid cinephile among my friends, I was used to seeing half of my festival picks alone. Even before coming out to myself, my hopes for a romantic relationship included, among other things, having a festival partner. When I, fortunately, found the one, I was delighted to have also found the perfect festival partner. Shortly after our first month together, the first film we saw at a film festival was Céline Sciamma’s Tomboy (2011).

Although I was a 24 year old cis man, I was more than able to empathize with the title character, a ten-year-old trans boy. With his family unaware of his true identity, Mickaël experiences the liberation of a fresh start when ‘mistaken’ for a boy after they move to a new neighborhood—finally able to introduce himself as Mickaël, not Laure.

Changing my career path, a new job in the creative industry, and a stable relationship had similar effects on me. I was still not completely out to my parents, or some of my friends, schoolmates, and acquaintances from my past, but I was freed of the obligation to explain anything to my new friends or colleagues. I would proudly introduce them to my boyfriend, or simply correct people by saying I was attracted to men during a conversation. The perfect festival partner turned out to be a perfect partner as well—over the past ten years, he has helped me grow and be proud of myself.

‘Weekend’ (2011)

We moved in together in the fifth year of our relationship. Right above our bed hangs a poster of Andrew Haigh’s Weekend (2011). At the time we saw it, it was just another film that we watched together and liked—no significance, no symbolism. It is the story of two young men, Russell and Glen, who are fascinated by the connection they find between each other, and are surprised how their one-night-stand evolved into the perfect weekend. When Glen reveals that he will be leaving for another country the very next day, it only makes their connection stronger, and their time together more precious. Being a timid and socially anxious person, none of my romantic relationships or my friendships had formed this organically. Even my first date with my partner was a disaster. We built what we have now over time, slowly and patiently. I did not believe in ‘weekends’.

And yet, one summer night, we met a guy on Grindr, as we occasionally did. What we thought was just another one night stand was in fact a transformative experience for us both. Intense conversation, a triple connection, the drinks we enjoyed instead of hurrying to bed, and the passionate sex turned that casual one-night-stand into a magical reality for us. We realized that we still had feelings and instincts to discover in ourselves and in each other. Over a week-long, unexpected, unpredictable polyamorous fling, we learned to act as one instead of two—only to find out that he was leaving for another country the very next week. This was our ‘weekend’.

‘Hamam’ (Steam: The Turkish Bath, 1997)

Thinking how LGBTQ+ films of other cultures and languages had played a significant role in some precious, threshold-crossing moments of my life, it was alienating not being able to feel embraced and represented openly in Turkish cinema. There were certainly multiple Turkish LGBTQ+ films or characters, but they were in films addressing more urgent issues—right to live, violence against LGBTQ+ individuals, honor murders, trans murders—rather than the nuanced experience of queer love.

Although I discovered it years after it was released, Italian-Turkish director Ferzan Özpetek’s Hamam (Steam: The Turkish Bath, 1997) was a mind-blowing experience for me. The relationship, and the sexual tension, between Francesco, the Italian heir to a building with a Turkish bath in it, and Mehmet, the young son of the family managing the compound, felt much closer to my story and my cultural, familial identity.

Aşk, Büyü vs. (Love, Spells and All That, 2019)

Today, I am glad to see more and more filmmakers finding the courage to maintain the LGBTQ+ narrative in Turkish cinema, despite the oppressive, intolerant and exclusionary policies. Some are telling the youthful, urban stories I was longing for at the time: In Leyla Yılmaz’s Bilmemek (Not Knowing, 2019), Umut, a high-school athlete from a middle-class family in Istanbul, is bullied by his so-called modern and open-minded teammates after not replying to a query about whether he is gay or not. In Ümit Ünal’s Aşk, Büyü vs. (Love, Spells and All That, 2019), Eren and Reyhan, two adult women reunite in the magical atmosphere of The Princes’ Islands on the Istanbul coast, decades after they were forcefully separated by their parents.

The story of me coming out to myself all started with an urge to escape reality through cinema, and on the way, I found films that gave meaning to my muddled existence. When I saw Levan Akin’s And Then We Danced (2019), I smiled as I noticed the Spirited Away poster in Merab’s room; this minor detail another reminder that I was not alone. Merab, a gay dancer who is part of a very traditional and conservative Georgian dance company, was dealing with similar challenges in his life. He was trying to discover his true identity in a society that does not celebrate being different. He was too, finding an escape in cinema.

Coming out was hard. It still is. A recent Instagram post by the 27-year-old actor Connor Jessup, who came out as gay two years ago, reminded me coming out is not a single moment, but a never-ending process, a ‘becoming’. He writes, “When I first came out, a friend wrote to me and said, ‘Now you can really start coming out.’ Start? I thought. I just did it. But he was right. […] I’m going to keep trying. I’m going to keep looking.”

I keep trying, and looking. Learning about myself, my identity, my relationship. And LGBTQ+ films keep helping and inspiring me, just as they did in my journey to accept myself and become the person I am today. This is the power of cinema; unconsciously, you see your past, actuality and possibilities through the stories filmmakers tell. And I am so grateful to these filmmakers.

Related content

The Ten Greatest Turkish Films of All Time, according to the Turkish Film Critics’ Association

Emre’s Favorite LGBTQ+ Films: a personal top 50

Queer Films in Turkish Cinema—a list by Atakan

The Top 100 Turkish Movies of the 21st Century: Emre’s personal favorites

[whattolearntoday]

May 22nd is...

Buy A Musical Instrument Day -  The day is all about playing music. If you are a musician, it might be time for a new instrument.  Maybe you can learn to play a second or third one. If you have never played an instrument before, this celebration may be the motivation you need.

Craft Distillery Day -  Years of invention and discovery led to the spirits we drink today. Much like the boom of craft breweries in the 90s, today’s small craft distilleries complement large distilleries with artisan-crafted spirits. From gin and whiskey to bourbon, rum, and vodka, craft distillers infuse unique qualities into their products while using locally sourced ingredients. Focusing on their craft and bringing a subtle character to their final spirit, distilleries set themselves apart from the competition.

Goth Day -  The very thought of gothic tradition may stir up some type of wonder about the exact origin, however the name goth is actually a subculture, which began in England in the 1980s. The goth subculture became famous through the development of gothic rock, a post-punk genre, and both came from the music scene. The aesthetic and excitement behind the goth was of course black clothing and hair, piercings and lots of black lipstick. Add this to a very pale face and you will be sure to look positively goth-like!

Harvey Milk Day - The struggle faced by the LGBTQ community has been going on for generations in this country, and for thousands of years around the world.  Harvey Milk was one of the heroes of that struggle, being the first official to be elected that was openly gay in California. While he was assassinated he accomplished important steps for the community during his time in office. Harvey Milk Day celebrates this incredible man and the sacrifices he made so people could just live their lives in peace.

International Being You Day -  During this day, you are invited to explore what it means to truly be you, beyond the projections of society and the need for perfection. It is your day to discover the beauty of you and your unique capabilities. The invitation also creates the possibility to celebrate everyone’s differences.

International Day For Biological Diversity - Celebrating Biodiversity can be fun and delicious, especially if you take this opportunity to visit farmers markets and co-ops in your local area to try new types of produce.  Another way of celebrating biodiversity is to join a local park clean-up team and help to remove invasive plants from your local environment.  These teams of volunteers will gather to remove plants that are impacting the local fauna’s biodiversity by taking over natural grow areas. Another way to celebrate the International Day for Biological Diversity is to simply get out into the world and enjoy all the different types of life your local area offers.  Even a local park can have an amazing variety of life you’ve never noticed, from the insects crawling through the grass and dirt, to the flowers we so clumsily lump together as ‘wildflowers’.

Maritime Day - This day recognizes the launch of the maritime industry in the United States. The celebration also honors America’s Merchant Marines for their contributions and sacrifices for our country. Special acknowledgment is given to ships and seafarers that have held a prominent place in our nation’s history.

Sherlock Holmes Day -  The character of Sherlock Holmes has been a hero to millions since his creation well over a century ago. Doyle’s first Sherlock Holmes story first appeared in print in 1887 and continued to be published for the next forty years, until shortly before the author’s death. During this time, the detective had countless adventures, usually accompanied by his loyal friend and assistant, Dr. Watson.

Solitaire Day - The classic version of the game uses a standard deck of 52 playing cards. The object of the game is to clear the board by creating a stack of cards from low to high in each suit. If the player completes each suit, the player wins the game of Solitaire.

Vanilla Pudding Day -  The puddings we enjoy as desserts today are not what was commonly known as pudding at ancient dinner tables. Most medieval puddings were meat-based and seasoned with herbs and spices. Even sweetened, cooks usually served them hot. Toward the end of the 18th century, people more than likely made puddings from grains or day-old bread with nuts, fruit, or meats. They used these puddings to stretch meals for a large family.  My-T-Fine produced the earliest packaged pudding in the United States in 1918. This and other puddings like them still required cooking on the stove. The instant version came along in the mid-1940s.  

World Fiddle Day - It is meant to celebrate everything that everyone loves about the chirpy, fun and feisty art of fiddle music. The fiddle is always known to be something positive, with all the songs and notes it produces high energy, entertaining, and bringing something positive. Making the room dance, wherever the sound of a fiddle is played. Around the world, this day is celebrated with dancing, music, and of course plenty of fiddle playing!

World Paloma Day - It is the national drink of Mexico. W here and when the Paloma began is a bit of mystery. In 1938, the first grapefruit soda came on the scene in the United States. From there, the soda made its way to Mexico in 1955. Whoever first mixed tequila, lime, and grapefruit soda brought together an undeniably beautiful and delightful beverage.

[nickelkeep]

What Mattered Most

Pairing: Dean/Cas Rating: Teen, for some profanity. Word Count: 6.1K Warnings: Pining, Internalized Homophobia Written For: Nickel’s Storytime On Ao3

Dean stormed into Crowley’s office, despite the warnings from the overworked and underpaid assistant. He threw the copy of Rolling Stone he carried onto Crowley’s desk and waited for his demon of an agent to get off his phone call.

“Seems I forgot about a meeting. A client just showed up at my office.” Crowley shot a smile in warning at Dean. “We’ll catch up soon. I want you to tell me all about this new talent of yours, Kipling. Until next time.” Crowley hung up the phone and picked up the magazine. “Ah, yes. Thursday James. Apparently Country’s brightest new star.” He tossed it back on his desk. “So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?”

“I want to come out,” Dean replied simply and plainly. “I have hidden for the past 15 years because you said my music wouldn’t sell. I’m done not being me, I’m done hiding.” He pointed at the magazine. “He’s been on the scene for six months, and he booked a Stones cover? It took me seven years, Crowley. Seven! They never put country artists on the front.”

Crowley sighed and picked up the magazine and stared at it for a few silent moments before dropping it back on his desk. “No.”

“What the fucking hell!?” Dean’s arms shot out to the sides in exasperation before he pulled them back in, gripping his fingers on the chairback in front of him. “I have done everything you have ever asked of me, Crowley. I am just sick of living a damn lie.”

“So, you want to be ridiculed and laughed out of the country music scene?” Crowley pushed himself to his feet and leaned forward. While Dean had several inches on him, Crowley’s presence alone could cause most to back off. “You have succeeded in this world because you pushed that life away. You have sold out arenas because you are what women want and what men aspire to be. Until you retire, you are the straight, all-American boy. Do you understand?”

“No. I don’t.” Dean stormed back to the doors and swung them open, exposing Sam and Charlie, his lawyer and PR person. “So, I quit.”

“You really want to throw away your, as you acknowledged, 15-year career because you can’t hold hands with a man in public?” Crowley rolled his eyes as Sam and Charlie sat in the chairs across from him. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Dean. I have not led you wrong. I have not given you any bad advice.”

“You did, 17 years ago, when you first found Dean,” Charlie spoke up.

“He wasn’t out then, and he’s not out now.” Crowley tilted his head and looked at Dean. “Are you?”

“Not yet.” Dean shook his head.

Sam sighed exasperatedly. “For what it’s worth, Fergus, I did advise him to ask you differently. That being said, I don’t disagree with my brother. He’s done everything you asked. It’s been 15 years, and clearly, the world has changed.” Sam pointed at the magazine on the desk. “The world is in love with Thursday James. He’s proven that being queer isn’t a crime. And we’re not changing who Dean is. We’re not asking for chaps and songs about rainbows. We’re just asking you to let him be the person he’s hidden for 15 years. For you.”

“He doesn’t need a big coming-out party.” Crowley gestured at Dean. “Is there a person you’re interested in dating, Dean? Is that what this is? Go on a date. You’re not restricted to going out solo or having beards anymore.”

“Not good enough.” Charlie tapped Sam on the shoulder and pointed down to his briefcase. “As Dean’s lawyer and PR, we’re submitting an amendment to his contract, advising of it’s instant and final termination in regards to Article 2, Section 13.”

“A conflict of interest?” Crowley shook his head. “This is not a conflict of interest. This is me trying to protect my client, which is my job as his manager.”

Sam pulled out the stack of paper and set it on top of the magazine. “It’s a clean cut. We pay you a lump sum that equals 13% of his projected income for the next five years, which is a current 5% more than you take right now. Dean comes off your roster instantly.”

Crowley picked up the papers and quickly flipped through. “I also give up my rights to royalty and merchandising profits. Why?”

“Didn’t think you wanted to be associated with a gay country singer, Crowley.” Dean stood between Charlie and Sam, hands shoved in his pockets as he rocked back and forth from heel to toe. “Figured that 5% would make up for it.”

“Dean. Listen to yourself. You really want to throw our partnership away?” Crowley was practically pleading with Dean. “Why do you want to do this to your career?”

“Crowley, if my fans truly love me, I won’t lose them. And if anything, I’m openly welcoming a whole group of potential fans who think they’re not wanted. This is what’s best for not only me but also for the future of Country.”

Crowley stood up straight and rubbed at his temples. “Fine.” He handed the contract amendment back to Sam. “Believe it or not, I do want you happy, Dean.” He turned to the petite redhead sitting with a giant smirk on her face. “I’m assuming you’ve already started a plan?”

“Yes, but there’s one more thing.” Charlie pointed at Sam. “It was your idea.”

“In order to stay on as Dean’s manager, you will sign a different amendment. I’m going to start the official paperwork. Once you and Charlie come to a full and equal agreement for Dean’s coming out, it will be added to the contract, and both you and Dean will sign it.” Sam opened his suitcase back up and slid the defunct amendment into it. “We have an understanding, Fergus?”

“Yes.” Crowley nodded as he sat in his chair. “I think this is the first time I’ve been outwitted by a client.” He leaned back, resting his hands on his stomach. “Shall we begin, then?”

…

Thursday James took a deep breath as he took a final bow for the crowd that had come out to see him. While he was excited that his career was taking off, he had never expected how exhausting it would be. He stepped off the stage and into the wings, where he was greeted by his manager and best friend, Balthazar.

“Cassie! That was fantastic, as always!” Balthazar clapped his hand on Thursday’s - Cas’ - shoulder and led him back towards the dressing room. “You simply wowed the hall.”

“If you say so.” Cas slid off his mask, mindlessly playing with the fringe as Balthazar opened the door for him. He crossed over to his seat in front of the mirror and ran his hand down his face. “So. To what do I owe this pleasure? I wasn’t expecting you until St. Louis.”

“I am so very glad that you asked.” Balthazar crossed over to the sofa as Cas started his aftershow routine, beginning with the removal of his eye make-up. “Word of a fascinating tour came through the grapevine, and only a select handful of artists were invited.”

Cas perked up an eyebrow. “So, either I was invited, or you’re trying to get them to bring me along.”

“You were personally invited. By a Charlene Bradbury.” Cas’ head whipped up, and he stared at Balth’s reflection in the mirror. “I see you remember that name.”

“Charlie?” Cas frowned and turned around and stared at Balthazar, mouth agape. “Does she know?”

“Doubtful. Sia could learn a few lessons from you in hiding identity.” Balthazar leaned forward and clasped his hands together. His face turned serious. “Look, I understand the surprise, and I know I’m going to be fighting to get a yes out of you...”

“Damn right, you are! I’m not going on tour with Dean Winchester!”

“Let me finish, Cassie.” Balthazar tugged at his sleeves and fixed them before continuing. “Dean’s been a leader in the industry for 15 years. He’d be exposing you to fellow musicians, new venues, and possibly new members for your staff. Maybe you could steal Charlie out from under him?”

Cas shook his head. “Not happening, Balth. I can’t do it. He headlines arenas, he’s a damn star. I’m...” Cas choked on his own words, unable to finish the sentence. “You knew I would say no, why did you bring it up?”

“Well, for starters, it was 15 years ago. So why dwell on it? If you want him to know it’s you, you can show him that you outshone him in a matter of months.” Balthazar appeared to preen himself at those words. “But there’s an even bigger rumor involving the tour. Dean’s announcing something big.”

“He’s going to be the first country artist in space?” Cas deadpanned.

Balthazar let himself laugh at that. “I honestly don’t know. Charlie wouldn’t spill any beans. But, the rumor is that he’s going to retire.”

“Dean’s 36. Not happening.” Cas shook his head. “He’s got a lifetime ahead of him.”

“Okay, well the people who tour with him, get to find out first, and I am a nosy bastard, okay?”

“You’re a bastard, alright.” Cas picked up the mask he had worn for the evening and started fidgeting with the fringe. “And you’re not winning me over for this tour.”

“Fine. Rumor aside, here are the facts, from the devil herself. It’s a short 10 stop tour. All of the venues are 4000 people or less, either on college campuses or at smaller theaters.”

“That’s a huge step back for Dean.” Cas ran a hand through his hair and squinted at Balthazar. “I can see why retirement is a rumor associated with the tour.”

“That’s not all. The first stop?” Balthazar paused and bit his bottom lip. “Lied Center at KU.”

“Home?”

…

Dean looked up from his notepad as Charlie entered the studio in the home he shared with her and Sam. “What’s up, Red?”

“I got the final tour line up.” She held up a notepad of her own before crossing over to sit next to Dean. “Still writing?”

“He is.” Sam looked up from his desk. “And driving me crazy. Please get him to stop.”

“I changed my mind, Sam. I’m not writing a brand new song. I’m fixing an old one.” Dean turned to Charlie. “Hit me.”

“We’re going to go with four acts in total. First, a 20-minute set for your opener, a band coming out of hiatus, Tina & Her Pony. Second, We got Thursday James, which there’s a big caveat, but I got him.” She stole a glance at Sam, who was glaring at her.

“Sam’s going to kill you now, I’m okay with this. Continue.” Dean half-joked before gesturing for her to continue.

“Thursday is on for a 30-minute set. And, and, and! Brandi Carlile is on board, also for a 30-minute set assuming that yours is only 45. She’s got a hell of a negotiator on her team. Wonder if she’s single.”

“Brandi, or her negotiator?” Sam leaned forward on his desk, chin resting on his knuckles.

“Her negotiator. That wit. That charm. Ugh. So unfair.” Charlie let out a little sigh before shaking it off and looking at Dean. “So, did I do good?”

“You did fantastic.” Dean set down his pen and paper before pulling Charlie into a hug. “So, what’s the caveat with Thursday James?”

Charlie winced. “Shit, I was hoping you’d forget about that.” She flipped through her pad and pulled out two sheets of paper, handing one to Dean before getting up and taking the other to Sam. “It’s well known that Mr. James is private. I took the time to look up his previous riders. NDAs, no pictures unless he’s in a mask, pretty simple stuff. His agent - who’s name sounds so familiar - sent over his ‘standard rider’ and an amendment specific to this tour.”

“No guest appearances during his set, no requesting him to come on during another person’s set, and no requesting to hang out after shows.” Sam started to rattle off what he was reading. “What the hell?”

“I asked Meg, Brandi’s negotiator, to let me know if she got the amendment as well. I know that Tina & Her Pony didn’t get it as of yet, but Mr. James’ manager may not have sent it to them yet.” Charlie shrugged. “It is strange, but it’s not unheard of.”

“Well,” Dean shrugged, “if it gets him on tour with us, then I’m happy to do it.”

Sam nodded. “I mean, it’s not a bad request. I’ve heard Sia’s rider is insane. Like, you can’t even talk to her between sets.”

“Agoraphobia’s a thing, Sam. Lighten up.” Dean swallowed hard, a brief memory from his past flashing through his mind. “Charles, they okay being on a tour that’s literally called ‘The Thanks for Coming Out Tour,’ or do we have to change that?”

“I may not have mentioned that.” Charlie rubbed the back of her neck.

“WHAT!?” Dean and Sam cried out in unison.

Charlie held up her hands in defense. “Look, we don’t want Dean’s announcement blown before he gets to make it himself, right?” She waited until Dean nodded. “I’m going to get Sam to write up an NDA for the name, then Dean’s going to announce it with the tour dates on his website in a video.”

“So they don’t get to know the name of the tour until they sign the NDA, and if they don’t sign the NDA?” Sam questioned.

“Then, they can be replaced.” Charlie brushed it off. “But after speaking with Meg and Mr. James’ representative - why the fuck can’t I remember his name? - It sounds like they’re okay with it. I think they like knowing that they’ll be in on a rumor before the rest of the world.”

Dean stole a glance at his younger brother, who let out an exhausted sigh before speaking. “I’ll leave you to your magic, Charlie. You’ve never led us astray before. Just tell me what I need to write up and get out for you.”

…

“Cassie!” Balthazar closed the door shut behind him and held up a folder. “They accepted the terms of your rider with the NDAs and sent them over, signed. Charlie’s getting the rest of their crew to fill them out, and we should have them within 48 hours.” He flipped the folder open. “They responded with a note: ‘We fully honor the requests of Mr. James’ privacy rider. However, if he finds himself in need of someone to speak to, Dean and his crew will be available.’ How charming.”

“Shut up, Balth.” Cas kicked his feet up. “I’m assuming they sent the dates over?”

“Yes, and the rest of the lineup. Tina & Her Pony, you, Brandi Carlile, and Dean.” Balthazar pulled out a paper and handed it to Cas. “There’s also an NDA for you and I to sign. They don’t want the tour’s name to go public until Dean announces it, but they want to make sure we’re okay touring under it.”

Cas looked up from the paper. “I’m assuming you already signed for me?”

“Of course, Cassie.” Balthazar sat down and rested his ankle on his knee. “It adds weight to the retiring theory. ‘The Thanks for Coming Out Tour.’”

Cas chuckled. “One can only hope. I realized that the longer we’re in the industry together, the harder it will be to hide my identity from him.”

“There is that, yes.”

“You still think I should just tell him.” Cas crossed his arms over his chest and slouched down in his chair. “I can’t do that, Balth. I didn’t work my ass off for my career to spite him.”

“You can tell that to the people who don’t know you better, Cassie.”

“If I wanted to spite him, I’d be going by Castiel Novak, not Thursday James. I would show my face and not hide behind a mask. This has always been for me, Balth. I did this. For me.” Cas hung his head. “He wouldn’t care how hard I worked anyway.”

Balthazar pushed himself out of his seat and crossed to Cas before crouching down in front of him. “I can’t pretend to know what happened, Cassie. But when you two went your separate ways? I still believe a little piece of him died.”

“You’re right. You don’t know what happened. And as much as I love you? As much as I’m thankful every day that you’re my manager, my cousin, and my best friend? You do not and will not ever know.” Cas wiped a tear away. “I’m starting to think this was a mistake.”

“It’s not too late for us to back out. I’ve been informed that there are acts dying to fill the spots for this tour.” Balthazar rested a hand on Cas’ knee and squeezed gently. “If you want me to go cancel, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”

Cas shook his head. “We’ve already signed a million and two pieces of paper, and put in the request to have the riders printed. I got through most of the autographed merch pile...” Cas looked at Balthazar. “As long as he honors the NDAs and riders, I can get through this. It’s ten stops. And if we’re lucky, he’s retiring.”

“Are you taking off the mask the day of or the day after he announces his retirement?” Balthazar smiled, clearly trying to get Cas to laugh. “We can throw a huge party announcing your real identity.”

“Well, if he announces it at KU like you think he is, then I have to wait for an additional nine more tour stops.” Cas attempted to return his cousin’s mirth. “But, I will say that I’ve gotten attached to the name Thursday James.”

“Then, we do an interview with the highest bidder to get an inside look at your life.” Balthazar stood up, his knees cracking. “Oh, bloody hell. When did I get so old?”

“Shut up, you’re only three years older.”

“Don’t waste those three precious years, my darling Cassie.” Balthazar gently patted Cas’ cheek. “Looking forward to losing the mask?”

Cas paused, thinking before nodding. “Once this tour is over, and Dean’s retired? I’ll lose the mask.”

…

Dean stared out the window as his tour bus pulled up behind the Lied Center. Two other buses were there, as was a small caravan of vans, and Dean made a mental note to offer to charter a bus for the tour’s opening act.

“Nervous?” Sam walked up next to him and looked out the window.

“I mean, when’s the last time we were home, Sammy?” Dean looked to his brother and tried to fight the nervous frown on his face. “The closest before was Topeka, and those Will-Call tickets were never picked up.”

Sam let out a sigh. “I meant about coming out tonight, but I guess that works too. You want Cas here, don’t you?” Dean nodded, and Sam continued. “It’s been almost twenty years, Dean. I know you’re still in love with him, but you need–”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Sam. Don’t you fucking dare.”

“I’m going to, but only because you need to hear this. You need to move on. I found out about your... something, with Cas because of that god damned song. You think you could have hidden that you’re gay from Charlie and me?”

“It’s my decision if I move on or not. And I don’t want to. I never have. And, to be honest, Charlie knew.” Dean turned in his seat. “And I wanted to tell you sooner, but...”

“But I was a loud-mouthed kid, and Dad would have killed you. I get it.” Sam sat across from Dean. “You gotta know, Dean. I have only ever wanted to see you happy.”

“Thank you, Sammy.” Dean looked over to the bus door, Sam’s head turned to look as well, as it opened.

Charlie walked up the stairs, her fingers in a peace sign. “What’s up, bitches?” She hip-checked Sam and sat down next to him as he slid over. “Dean?”

“It’s just weird being home.” He swallowed. “You get everything set up?”

“Of course I did, and before you ask, yes, I checked to make sure that a pair of tickets were held for a Castiel Novak at Will-Call.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a notebook and started going over it. “Benny and the boys want to know if you have the setlist finished.”

“Yeah.” He flipped up a piece of paper and slid it over to Charlie as he prepared for their pre-venue checklist.

…

“I know you can see it, Cassie.” Balthazar took a sip from a water bottle before handing one to Cas. “How are you holding up?”

“We’re back in Lawrence. I’m on tour with Dean, but it’s as a solo act.” Cas set the bottle down and looked up at Balthazar. “Balth, did I make the right choice, or was I too lenient in letting you twist my arm?”

“Well, that’s not fair. I’ve never made you do anything you don’t want to do.”

Cas ran his fingers through his hair. “I know. Even when it could have made us - how did you say it? - filthy fucking rich, you never forced me to do it.” He picked up the mask in front of him, an emerald green one with gold embroidery and fringe, and gently traced his fingers over the ornate pattern. “I’m making a huge fucking mistake.”

“Cassie. You have been having this fight with yourself for the past month while the tour dates got finalized. We are here.” Balthazar picked the bottle up and cracked it open before handing it back to Cas. “If you need alcohol, I’ll give you a couple of shots after your set, per your rider.”

“Can we break my rider for once?” Cas pinched the bridge of his nose before picking up the bottle and taking a sip. “So, what do you need?”

“Since we’re borrowing Dean’s band for the tour, their leader - a handsome, hopefully single, drummer named Benny - is asking for a finalized setlist. He also wants to do a test run of a song or two with you for the sound crew.”

Cas pushed himself out of his seat and went back to his bedroom. He grabbed a notebook off of the bed. He stole a quick look at the picture on his nightstand - a reminder from his life 17 years ago - before rejoining Balthazar. He handed the paper over and sat back down. “Small change from the usual list.”

“Cassie...” Balthazar looked up from the setlist.

“I don’t need your criticism right now. I made sure that the song was on the possible choice list for the tour.” Cas put on his mask.

Balthazar shook his head. “Not criticizing. Just worried about you.”

…

Dean was on edge as the concert started. He had paced his dressing room until Tina & Her Pony started the first song of their set. Per his request, Charlie had gotten their music on his phone, so he could listen to it, but hearing them live was much better. He calmed down and finally sat on the sofa, drinking the water Sam forced on him.

“You look like you’re going to faint.” Sam took the seat in front of the mirror and checked himself before turning around to face Dean. “You do your grounding technique?”

“Yes, Samantha.” Dean rested his forehead in his palms and stared at the ground. “They’re probably not going to answer at the box office, are they?”

“You’re not going to find out, Dean.” Charlie looked up from her phone. “I will unplug that phone if necessary.”

Dean harrumphed and slunk down further into his seat.

“Seriously, Dean. What’s finding out if he’s here going to do? If he didn’t come, you’re going to be mopey. If he did come, you’re going to be so nervous you can’t perform.” Sam pointed at him. “Go through your grounding again.”

“I’m fine.” Dean closed his eyes and focused on the current set piping through the speakers. He gave himself a silent reminder to provide Charlie with a raise for picking the duo for the tour’s opening act.

A few songs later, one of the members thanked the audience and told them to enjoy the rest of the show. Dean opened his eyes and looked up to the monitor, and watched as they waved and stepped offstage. The stage crew stepped in quickly and prepped for the next set. Dean sat up in surprise as he watched them roll a baby grand onto the stage, not remembering which of Thursday James’ songs required it.

“Charlie?” Dean smacked her shoulder and pointed to the monitor. “I don’t remember that on his list.”

“I have no idea.” Charlie sat up in her seat and leaned forward, aptly paying attention alongside Dean.

…

Cas was incredibly impressed and surprised by how easily his set had gone so far. He was humbled and honored by the sheer number of people who were cheering for him, and he used their energy to wash away his dread and apprehension.

“Ladies, Men, and Gentlethem.” He pulled the mic out of the stand and spoke into it as he walked over to the piano. “There’s a little something special I wanted to do for you all tonight.”

The crowd cheered, and Cas took the opportunity to inhale deeply as he put the mic into the stand clipped on the piano.

“I’m sorry to disappoint, but it’s not a new song, but a song that you all are familiar with. When I first wrote it, I had intended it as a piano ballad.” Cas sat down and adjusted the mic. “A few of you may have already noted it missing from the lineup, but it’s one that I’ll always sing until I can’t anymore.”

Cas ran his fingers over the keys in a brief allegro, stirring the crowd up even more. He took in another deep breath and closed his eyes before hitting the first chord of the song.

Catch ’em by surprise and Chasin’ the horizon Nothing holds me down Askin’, “Where the time’s gone?” Dreamin’ with the lights on Tryna keep your eyes on Something along the rise

You and I Bide our time And I miss summertime

Cas found himself surprised by the number of cheers as he played. While he was there to perform for the concert-goers, this was for him. This was to get him through the remainder of the tour.

Catch him on the run, they Punish those who love young Never right on time Watch each other fallin’ Always catch the call and Whistle while we’re walkin’ Something inside me dies

You and I Why, oh, why? And I miss summertime

Cas swayed in his seat, letting the piano run through him. He fought back the tears that threatened to spill.

Keep on rockin’, baby Keep on risin’ on the tide Son of a gun and maybe We’ll be ridin’ all night Something inside me dies You and I, You and I Bide our time. And I, I miss summertime

You and I Why, oh, why? And I miss summertime

Cas hit the final chord of the song, and the venue exploded. He stared at the keys for a few moments, letting the tears fall softly before nodding. “Thank you, everyone. Enjoy the rest of the concert. Up in just a few minutes will be the amazing Brandi Carlile!”

He stood up and waved before quickly walking offstage. Balthazar led him to his dressing room. Once the door was shut, Balthazar pulled Cas into his arms and hugged him tightly. “I am so sorry, Cassie. I never realized it.”

“Realized what?” Cas sniffled.

“You two. You and Dean? You were together.”

Cas swallowed and looked up at Balthazar. At a loss for words, there was only one thing he could do. He broke down and sobbed into his cousin’s arms.

…

Dean was still shaking from Thursday’s set when he was given his five-minute warning. Brandi was terrific, and he looked forward to hanging out with her after the show, but the way that Thursday sang, the smooth whiskey sound, the profound heartbreak... Dean knew there was more there. Something was entirely familiar to him, and it was driving him crazy that he couldn’t put his finger on it.

Dean walked out to the stage, waiting in the wings for Benny to start their opening number with the rest of the band. He tried to shake himself loose, rolling his neck and stretching out when Charlie walked up to him.

“You’re working yourself up, Dean.”

“Yeah, and I’m about to come out to a sold-out auditorium, which is probably going to go viral. Forgive me if I’m nervous that I’m going to kill my career tonight.” Dean pulled his arm in front of his chest, stretching out his shoulder, before switching to the other.

“And you’re so full of shit.” Charlie looked out to the stage as Benny counted the band out. “Break a leg, Dean.” She stood up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek before stepping back further into the wing.

Dean shook himself out one more time, putting on a great big smile and ran out on stage, waving to the crowd. “Good Evening, Lawrence!”

The crowd roared, and Dean broke into his first song. Their energy was contagious, and it took all of Dean’s power to not come out right then and there. He wanted to ride the high and get it over with. But people came out on an excellent show, and he was going to give it to them. And it was all he could hope that they would still be fans when all was said and done.

After the eighth song in his set, yes, he’d been counting, Dean smiled at the crowd and winked. “I think it’s that time, huh?” He took his guitar that he had acquired during the second song off, and walked it to a stand. He picked up his acoustic guitar and grabbed a stool before setting back up in front of the mic.

“First and foremost, I want to thank y’all for coming out tonight.” Dean sat on the stool and pulled the guitar strap over his head. “I’m not sure if y’all know, but Lawrence is actually my hometown.” Cheers and whistles rifled through the crowd. “I was born and raised here, stayed until I was 19 years old. Ran off to Nashville, found a manager who thought I was decent, and here I am. Blessed by fans like y’all.

“And I mean it when I say I’m truly honored to have so many wonderful fans. But there’s something that’s been eating me up inside for a long time, and I need to be honest with y’all.” Dean strummed absentmindedly on his guitar, his fingers starting the beginning notes from memory. “Eleven years ago, my second album came out, and on it is a song that means so much to me.

But my manager, even though I’m not which one more, was concerned for my career and my safety. He refused to let me include it on the album unless I changed the pronouns.” Dean bristled at the hushed whispers going through the crowd. “While that song turned out to be one of my most significant hits, I’ve never forgiven myself for letting that change be forced onto it.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m gay. And Cas, if you’re out there. Anywhere. This has always been your song, sunshine.”

…

Cas fell off of the sofa.

The room spun around, and Balthazar joined him in a heartbeat as he stared up at the screen. His mind was racing a mile a minute as he thought through Dean’s discography.

I thought I knew the boy so well If he was sad, I couldn’t tell I missed the point I missed the signs So if he’s gone the fault is mine I know, I know a whole lot little things And even though I could list them one by one Oh, he would still be gone

Cas sucked in sharply. He knew this song. He knew it better than he would ever care to admit. He had often dreamt about it being for him.

His eyes are blue His hair was long In ’84 he was born In Baton Rouge His favorite song is “In My Life” I memorized his every move I knew his books, his car, his clothes But I paid no attention to what mattered most

Cas pushed himself up to his feet, relying on Balthazar’s shoulder for support. His eyes were locked on the screen, feet unable to move.

I never asked he never said And when he cried, I turned my head He dreamed his dreams behind closed doors That made them easy to ignore I know, I know I missed the forest for the trees All I have to show Oh, when he walked out the door The cold facts and nothing more

His eyes are blue His hair was long In ’84 he was born In Baton Rouge His favorite song is “In My Life” I memorized his every move I knew his books, his car, his clothes But I paid no attention to what mattered most

Cas started to the door, ignoring Balthazar calling after him. He ran out the door, making it to the stage as Dean began the final refrain.

His eyes are blue His hair was long In ’84 he was born In Baton Rouge His father’s tall His mother’s gone He moved out west when he was two The way he laughed The way he loved Oh my god, what did I do?

He dreamed his dreams behind closed doors I never asked he never said

Cas looked out to the crowd as Dean got a standing ovation. He wanted Dean to have this moment, to know that the audience would still love him, regardless of orientation. But Cas also wanted to know if Dean still loved him. He needed to know.

He started to walk out on stage when a hand wrapped around his arm and pulled him back. “Holy shit. Cas? You? You’re here?” Charlie looked him up and down. “Oh my god. Thursday James. Castiel James Novak.”

“Please, Charlie. Can I?”

“You have a lot of explaining to do, but you both do.” She turned him around and pushed him gently. “Go get him, and make him whole again. Please.”

…

Dean gave a final wave to the crowd before turning to walk off of the stage. He looked up from his boots, and his eyes met the bluest eyes he’d ever seen, and he’d never forget. Dean’s knees went weak and out from under him, and he grabbed the stool he’d just been sitting on. “Cas?”

An electric buzz shot through the crowd as the realization settled over the venue. Cas looked out to the audience, then took a few steps closer. Dean pushed himself to his knees, staring in awe.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean looked Cas up and down when everything clicked. “Thursday... Castiel. Fuck. How did I...?”

Cas finished closing the distance between them and held his hand down. Dean took it and allowed Cas to help pull him to his feet. Once standing, Dean hesitantly reached forward, his hand faintly touching Cas’ cheek. Cas took Dean’s hand and pressed it against his cheek, and Dean felt the first sob wreck through his body.

“That song has always been for me?” Cas whispered, and Dean nodded, unable to find his words out of shock. “You never stopped?”

“Loving you?” Dean shook his head. “Never. It has always been you, Cas. I knew what I lost, and I couldn’t move on. I won’t ever move on from you.”

Cas leaned in and pressed his lips softly against Dean’s, and Dean felt Cas’ mouth break into a smile as cheers erupted from the crowd. “Am I dreaming, Dean?”

“God, I hope not, Cas.” Dean brought his other hand up, holding Cas’ face as he rested their foreheads together. “I have missed you, so much, Cas.”

“You don’t have to anymore, Dean.” Cas kissed Dean again, reclaiming his lost love for himself and no longer dreaming behind closed doors.

[officialkmi]

Top 5 Male Korean Soloists

Right now seems to be the era of the KPop group. As I covered in a past top 5, not everyone is given the same attention, including Korean Bands. Another widely overlooked area of the Korean music industry is the Korean soloist. I could likely make a Top 10, if I really wanted too, but Tumblr only lets me add 5 videos (rip). As such, I’ll just make a top 5 and include 5 artists I hope you all can support in addition to KPop groups and bands.

#1: Glabingo

I don’t know anyone who has ever heard of Glabingo, which is a shame because his voice, it’s so beautiful. He has a few songs out, and I’d probably listen to them on the same playlist as songs by Jay Park. He has that same sort of beautiful voice and relaxing vibe. I actually listed him as #1 because so few people have actually heard of him.

#2: Holland

Holland has gained international attention because of he is the country’s first openly gay idol. Sticking true to his identity, his videos tell of his experiences in relationships. I think that, since it is pride month, this is the best time for me, as a fan, to push for others to listen to his music.

He’s actually progressed a lot since his first MV “Neverland” came back. A lot of people have acknowledged his improvement, and I think he’s finding a sound that really suits his voice, too.

#3: Kevin Oh

Kevin Oh’s voice is best suited for rainy days, spent alone with a warm drink. They make me think of late nights, fairy lights, and being close to just one person in a soft way. Or, in the case of his song “Lover,” nights spent alone after a breakup, waiting for the wounds to heal.

His voice is absolutely beautiful, and ballads really suit him. I wish he’d have more chances to do OST work, as he’d do well in a drama. There’s no doubt in my mind, honestly, that he’d be perfect for that. Of course, I’d also be just as happy with some full-length albums by him.

#4: Seo In Guk

One thing I’m known for is my unending love and support for the man that is Seo In Guk.

I originally was going to link “Bebe,” which is by far one of my favorite songs of his. However, I’m in a bit of a ballad mood after Kevin Oh. Additionally, this MV and song are very emotional for his fans. We get to see him performing, get to hear/read the lyrics he wrote and gave to his right before he was supposed to enlist in the military. As his fans, we’ve been waiting eagerly for his return. We want our happy, healthy Seon In Guk.

“There are still memories to make together, there’s still more. We’re just apart for now, you and I, we’re still there.“

#5: JUN

I love Jun’s voice and his music. I’ve never been disappointed with anything he’s released. All in all, his voice is easy to hear and nice on the ears. When it comes to soloists, I like voices that aren’t too hard on my ears, and Jun easily meets this criteria. Additionally, his songs sound unique, not like a ballad or dance song I’ve heard 100 times.

It’s especially admirable, as noted by his fans, that he’s not held to a contract, thus there’s no fear of being told not to date, what to post, and what to sing. His work is his own and he is in control of his own fate. That alone makes him admirable.

It’s a shame that not many people really know about him, but now is a great time to start because he did make a post in the comments for this newest video (Admit) that there will be more Jun content throughout June.

Honorable Mention: Eric Nam

I didn’t actually include him in the Top 5 for one reason: he’s probably the most successful soloist I know of, and almost everyone I know of has heard of him. Even the video for Runaway has 1M views. He’s gained a lot of success as a soloist, and I’m happy for him because he really has a nice voice and he’s a charming idol. I just wanted to focus on lesser known soloists for this list.

[gliidatingapp]

QUEER ARTISTS IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY - Glii (Blog)

We're all creative beings. We use art to express ourselves, our opinions, our feelings, as well as our take on social and political issues. Artists are known to use their creation as a tool to shatter stereotypes and conformist attitudes and bring about a revolution to make society more inclusive. 

Queer artists are now using music as a very powerful medium to break the watertight compartments that are associated with gender and make room for everyone in between. 

 Four queer artists based out of India, America and South Korea are creating music with a message for equal representation of all genders in the society. 

 Teenasai, Friends of Linger, Lil Naz X and Holland are being praised by millions for their daring contributions in the musical scene as queer artists working hard to make the world a better place.

 Teenasai Balamu 

Teenasai Balamu also known as Grape Guitar Box is a new age music artist from Bangalore.

 Born to be a musician, they started uploading song covers as well as their original music on YouTube. 

 Teenasai's big break came when Rolling Stone India featured them as India budding artists back in 2016.

 Teenasai uses music as one the mediums to bring forth gender discourse into the mainstream music scenario.

 They wish to create a community where the "oddballs" could feel understood.

 Teenasai wishes to be that voice for everyone belonging to the queer community. 

 Along with that they participate in a series called The Queer Question on Instagram, educating people about the LGBTQIA community as well as guiding people struggling with their own identity. 

 Friends Of Linger

Friends of Linger is an Indie band based out of New Delhi, bringing together a group of musicians together to create music that addresses gender issues as well as political issues. 

 Sharif Rangnekar is the lead singer of the group and strives to write deep lyrics that target various social issues going on in the country.

 In 2016 the band released their single, Miss You, which is a song about a love story between two men.

 The music video of the song Miss You becomes the first music video in India that talks about homosexuality. 

 The band has up until now written songs on rape and women as well as homosexuality. 

 Lil Naz X 

A household name in many countries, Lil Naz X is a Grammy-winning black queer hip-hop artist based out of America.

After gaining popularity on his debut single, Old Town Road, Lil Naz X gained further popularity by coming out ahead of the pride month in 2019. 

The singer is known for boldly flaunting his sexuality in his music videos, lyrics as well as his style. 

 The music video of his famous song Montero (call me by your name) depicts a gay man sliding down a stripper pole and challenges toxic masculinity in his music videos. 

 His songwriting, performance, fashion and visual concept put him in the center of queer iconography in today's time. 

 Holland

South Korea is a country that is a home to the  famous Kpop industry, but at the same time is not all inclusive to people of all genders. 

 Go Tae-Seob is a Kpop independent artist who identifies himself as gay and represents the LGBTQIA community in the Korean-pop industry.

 He renamed himself after Netherlands–a country that was first to legalise same-sex marriage. 

 Holland came out as non-binary when he was in school and was bullied by his friends. 

 He saw no one in the Kpop industry openly came out and was talking about gender roles, thus, decided to take the lead and set up an open discussion about rethinking gender roles in Kpop.

 In his debut single, Neverland, Holland portrayed homosexuality in a daring manner which gained popularity. 

 He hopes that his music helps Korean society to accept LGBTQIA community and openly talk about homosexuality in the Korean society to accept LGBTQIA community and openly talk about homosexuality in the Korean society. 

It gives a sense of pride when homosexuality is openly expressed in media and art, slowly setting the tone to take over the mainstream pop industry. 

 Rooting for young artists to change the culture of the world by making it more coloured. So that the children and adults of all genders feel loved, included and supported

What is glii?

Like heterosexuals, many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people want to have stable, long-lasting relationships, but many of them just can't. Glii is the social platform where you can chat, date, meet new peoples of the lgbtq community. So just Download the GLII for date, meet, chat LGBTQ communities people.

[beinglibertarian]

Rolling Stone Gathers Moss

“Why bother with newspapers, if this is all they offer? Agnew was right. The press is a gang of cruel faggots. Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits – a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.”

– Hunter S. Thompson

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by “Raoul Duke” first appeared in Rolling Stone magazine in November 1971. The preceding quote from that publication sums up the environment that led to the rise and, eventually, the fall of the great Rolling Stone itself; the shift away from the counterculture that it once represented and the pathological deterioration of principled liberalism.

If these words were to be circulated on the campuses of U.C. Berkley today the same way they were in 1971, you could expect firebombs launched through windows, police cruisers overturned, and any poor fool in a red hat to be viciously assaulted with a bike lock. University students today surmise that musings this offensive, have been manufactured by the primitive IBM computer that once spat out numbers used to help exterminate Jews in the Nazi death camps; a right-wing hate machine. Or maybe Milo Yiannapolous wrote it?

The suffocating media bias of the 1960s was difficult to escape. A lethargic gray specter of middle-class America was distributed with cunning sterility through the generic, bogus smiles of cable news networks and traditional print. Despite the election and assassination of Kennedy and the signing of the Civil Rights Act, if you had turned on a T.V. this was still Eisenhower’s America: regimented, religious, conservative. And the cultural vacuum created by the Eisenhower years had began to suck even harder with Lyndon Banes Johnson at the helm.

American media was out of touch with this new generation. Elitist authoritarians were preaching their moral superiority stamped with stars and stripes to a generation of cynics. These kids didn’t have a fucking clue what they wanted, but they wanted no part of what they were being given. So rose Rolling Stone, a counterculture bible for babyboomers, co-founded by Jann Wenner.

The adjective “cruel,” meaning to willfully cause pain or suffering to others and feeling no concern about it, paired with the noun “faggot,” the antiquated pejorative used to define a homosexual man, is Thompson’s description of the media community of the day. A description evidently endorsed through publication by Jann Wenner in 1971. Because according to Thompson: “…there is no such thing as objective journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.”

Wenner today lives with his common law partner Matt Nye in, I’m guessing, New York City. He gives big money to Democrat candidates and makes millions off fabricated stories about the gang-rape epidemic at the University of Virginia. Then loses that money and gives more money to Democrat candidates. Wenner’s closet homosexuality in 1971 didn’t have him take any offence to Thompson’s comments, or at least not enough to hinder publishing the “hate speech.” Maybe it was the dollar signs flashing in his eyes, knowing that something as wild as Thompson’s Vegas adventure was a viable revenue stream. Or maybe liberals back then had more important things to bitch about.

Things were different in the 1960s. The anti-war movement and the civil rights movement were a just cause. The catalyst for a just movement of equal rights for women and gays and minorities was free speech, of which Jann Wenner was a huge proponent. When students at U.C. Berkley marched in the streets in the 1960s, it was an attack on the elitist, authoritarians and an establishment hellbent on keeping opposing viewpoints and the ideas of personal liberty stifled. The gang of “cruel faggots” kept the official narrative running but no one under 30 was listening.

The whole goddamn world had had enough of the travesty of war in Southeast Asia. There was no ignoring the ineptitude of American politics. The only reasonable thing to do in 1969 was to drive out to Altamont for the weekend, load up on heinous chemicals, hunker down and rethink your approach to the political process.  

Thompson, the then-young, liberal anti-hero, could often be found gobbling LSD and firing his guns (he was a lifetime member of the NRA) at propane bottles for a crowd of jeering burnouts or Bay area bikers at his fortified compound, Owl Farm, in Woody Creek Colorado.

It was Jann Wenner’s idea to put Hunter, with all of his fear and loathing, on to the campaign trail in 1972. Why not get the guy who wrote Hell’s Angels? Hunter was someone with a penchant for dealing with vicious thugs and sick freaks gone crazy on power, someone who could draw a parallel between Richard Nixon and Sonny Barger.

Thompson’s openly-biased, subjective and wild account of the 1972 presidential election was the red Chevy convertible of campaign coverage. ‘Sympathy for the Devil’ on repeat and at full volume, barrelling across the country at 110 miles an hour or so and in search of an honest politician. In Hunter’s eyes, the only one that even came close was George McGovern, the senator from South Dakota.

McGovern’s non-interventionist platform focused on a complete withdrawal from Vietnam, amnesty for draft evaders and a Milton Freidman inspired, negative income-tax meant to replace the bureaucratic burden of social welfare programs and a complicated tax code. Thompson’s version of events is the story of an idealistic underdog fighting against the odds only to be crushed by postmodern Americanism and the establishment incumbent, “Tricky Dick Nixon.” McGovern might have owed a White House win, in part, to Thompson’s and Rolling Stone’s relentless support had he not owed his White House loss to the mental distress of his vice-presidential pick, Thomas Eagleton.

There’s no way to properly explain how great Rolling Stone was in those early years. How well the magazine represented the anti-establishment culture, individual liberty and equality for everyone. It can’t be compared to anything else because there was nothing else, only the traditional mainstream garbage and Rolling Stone.

In the four decades that followed, the magazine continually fell behind market trends in the music industry, clinging nostalgically to some bygone era. They were late to the party covering punk in the 70’s. While they tried to figure out what had happened in 1991 Seattle they had totally dropped the ball on hip-hop. All of a sudden it was three years later, Kurt Cobain was already dead and they had lost so much ground in the L.A. scene that the black community had given up on them.

Wenner had pompously brushed off having any type of internet media strategy until around 2009, when he appointed one of his sons in charge of the “digital media” division. The type of position acquired only by a millionaire trust-fund brat of a rich liberal.

For years, Rolling Stone was unable to get a handle on what was happening in music or technology. Incompetence was a bad rash that spread through the entire organization. Getting caught with the University of Virginia gang-rape lies was an obvious black eye on the magazine. Wenner’s ability to make sound decisions was in question. His son should have been sent to North Dakota to learn how to weld. Despite all of that, the magazine was still making money, selling something like 1.5 million copies monthly. Not that anyone would admit to reading it or spending money on it.

On February 20, 2005 Hunter Thompson blew his own brains out in the kitchen of Owl Farm. His chronic alcohol and drug abuse had rendered his writing profitless and that was of no use to Rolling Stone. He had survived the last 10 years by republishing old articles and collections of his work from different outlets. He had already lost faith in the American political process. After Bill Clinton failed to appease his concerns over firearms, marijuana legalization and the American constitution, Hunter simply lost interest and poured himself a stiff drink.

One of the core tenets of Thompson’s “Gonzo journalism” was: total subjectivity; blatant, outright bias. An approach emulated by current Rolling Stone top shelf contributor, Matt Taibbi; a pliable, milquetoast impressionist with a learned sense of Thompson’s wit and scorn. The trick, which Taibbi understands as did Thompson, is that good journalism has a subjective theme, of course, but doesn’t blur the lines that keep public servants accountable. Taibbi likens journalists cozying up to politicians to the separation of church and state. Lacking objectivity, a good journalist should still keep an arms length from politicians and be critical of all of them, especially ones entrenched for decades in unashamed cronyism, a disregard for human life and vicious foreign policy.

“Reporters are supposed to be unpleasant, grumpy people who instantly deface the posters of the powerful whenever they get the chance”

– Matt Taibbi

In 2008, Taibbi had the opportunity to join other journalists on one of Obama’s campaign flights. He liked Obama, but when he noticed all the pictures that lined the walls, pictures of Obama and all the different journalists, all with their arms around then candidate Obama and smiling, he admits that he felt a little dirty.

The real downfall of the magazine was that Jann Wenner had hitched the Rolling Stone wagon to a political party instead of a political principal.  

Obama graced the cover of Rolling Stone annually through his presidency. Jann Wenner and him had carved out their friendship and put it on display. Few presidents have had the opportunity to sustain 8 full years of foreign bloodshed without any outrage from Wenner and co.

Now that Obama was out, there was a constant theme in the election for his replacement and the primaries leading up to it. Americans were sick of the status quo. They were sick of being fed lies from mainstream media and “fake news.” People were waiting to revolt in the wake of establishment politics. Just give them a guy who’s going to shit on everything and see what happens.

American media today is out of touch and not only with this new generation. Outlets like Rolling Stone keep the official narrative going, but no one under 30 is listening.

When Rolling Stone endorsed Hillary Clinton for president, that was it. The joke was over. Jann Wenner had finally come out of the closet as an elitist authoritarian and a cruel faggot.

* Darcy Gerow is a family man and tradesman. He is a national board member for the Libertarian Party of Canada and the co-founder of @TheHardTruthsBookClub, an organization committed to causing greatness in working age me through brotherhood and literature.

The post Rolling Stone Gathers Moss appeared first on Being Libertarian.

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[sadiesavestheday]

Montero Lamar Hill, better known as Lil Nas X, is a gay rapper. His hit song "Old Town Road," was on the top of the US Billboard Hot 100 Chart for 19 weeks, making it the longest running number one song on the chart ever. Nas X came out as gay during this time, making him the only artist to do this while having a number one record. Coming out at that time brought a lot of attention to his LGBT status and discussion around homosexuality amongst black men. He is the first and only openly gay artist to win a Country Music Association award. By becoming so successful with a country song as a gay African-American man, Lil Nas X has generated a lot of discussion about the stylistic and racialized aspects of country and rap music. In many cases, he was snubbed as a country music star because of his race, despite Old Town Road being a clear country music song. The implication in this case was that “real” country music could only be made by white people. Lil Nas X’s continued success breaks barriers in the music industry. He's a country singer. He is a publicly gay black male. He is a rapper. He comes from poverty. His success did not come from a record label, but his own social media. All of these aspects together make Lil Nas X a one-of-a-kind artist. "But the one thing I'll always know is that people don't know what they want until they get it. They didn't know they wanted a song about taking a horse to the old town road in 2019. But they did." #lilnasxoldtownroad https://www.instagram.com/p/CLm0-nuDk-I/?igshid=1xyt4yo0nch1y

[atlanticcanada]

Legendary Canadian actor Christopher Plummer dies at 91

Christopher Plummer, the dashing award-winning actor who played Captain von Trapp in the film "The Sound of Music" and at 82 became the oldest Academy Award acting winner in history, has died. He was 91.

Plummer died Friday morning at his home in Connecticut with his wife, Elaine Taylor, by his side, said Lou Pitt, his longtime friend and manager.

Over more than 50 years in the industry, Plummer enjoyed varied roles ranging from the film "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo," to the voice of the villain in 2009's "Up" and as a canny lawyer in Broadway's "Inherit the Wind." In 2019 he starred as murdered mystery novelist in Rian Johnson's whodunnit "Knives Out" and in the TV suspense drama series "Departure."

But it was opposite Julie Andrews as von Trapp in 1965 that made him a star. He played an Austrian captain who must flee the country with his folk-singing family to escape service in the Nazi navy, a role he lamented was "humourless and one-dimensional." Plummer spent the rest of his life referring to the film as "The Sound of Mucus" or "S&M."

"We tried so hard to put humour into it," he told The Associated Press in 2007. "It was almost impossible. It was just agony to try to make that guy not a cardboard figure."

A GIF of the captain ripping a Nazi flag became a popular meme in recent years, and gave Plummer a new does of fame.

The role catapulted Plummer to stardom, but he never took to leading men parts, despite his silver hair, good looks and ever-so-slight English accent. He preferred character parts, considering them more meaty. His memoir in 2012 was titled "In Spite of Myself."

Plummer had a remarkable film renaissance late in life, which began with his acclaimed performance as Mike Wallace in Michael Mann's 1999 film "The Insider," continued in films such as 2001's "A Beautiful Mind" and 2009's "The Last Station," in which he played a deteriorating Tolstoy and was nominated for an Oscar.

"He was a mighty force both as Man and Actor," Helen Mirren, his co-star in "The Last Station," said in a statement Friday. "He was fearless, energetic, courageous, knowledgeable, professional and a monument to what an actor can be."

In 2012, Plummer won a supporting actor Oscar for his role in "Beginners" as Hal Fields, a museum director who becomes openly gay after his wife of 44 years dies. His loving, final relationship becomes an inspiration for his son, who struggles with his father's death and how to find intimacy in a new relationship.

"Too many people in the world are unhappy with their lot. And then they retire and they become vegetables. I think retirement in any profession is death, so I'm determined to keep crackin'," he told AP in 2011.

Plummer in 2017 replaced Kevin Spacey as J. Paul Getty in "All the Money in the World" just six weeks before the film was set to hit theatres. That choice that was officially validated in the best possible way for the film -- a supporting Oscar nomination for Plummer, his third. "I was just hopeful that at my age, my memory would serve me," he said at the time. "I had to learn my lines very quickly."

Director Ridley Scott said he had "a wonderful experience" with Plummer on the film. "What a guy. What a talent. What a life," Scott said in a statement.

There were fallow periods in his career -- a "Pink Panther" movie here, a "Dracula 2000? there and even a "Star Trek" -- as a Klingon, no less. But Plummer had other reasons than the scripts in mind.

"For a long time, I accepted parts that took me to attractive places in the world. Rather than shooting in the Bronx, I would rather go to the south of France, crazed creature than I am," he told AP in 2007. "And so I sacrificed a lot of my career for nicer hotels and more attractive beaches."

The Canadian-born actor performed most of the major Shakespeare roles, including Hamlet, Iago, Othello, Prospero, Henry V and a staggering "King Lear" at Lincoln Center in 2004. He was frequent star at the Stratford Shakespeare Festival in Canada.

"I've become simpler and simpler with playing Shakespeare," he said in 2007. "I'm not as extravagant as I used to be. I don't listen to my voice so much anymore. All the pitfalls of playing the classics -- you can fall in love with yourself."

He won two Tony Awards. The first was in 1974 for best actor in a musical for playing the title role in "Cyrano" and his second in 1997 for his portrayal of John Barrymore in "Barrymore." He also won two Emmys.

Plummer was born Arthur Christopher Orme Plummer in Toronto. His maternal great-grandfather was former Canadian Prime Minister Sir John Abbott. His parents divorced shortly after his birth and he was raised by his mother and aunts.

Plummer began his career on stage and in radio in Canada in the 1940s and made his Broadway debut in 1954 in "The Starcross Story." While still a relative unknown, he was cast as Hamlet in a 1963 performance co-starring Robert Shaw and Michael Caine. It was taped by the BBC at Elsinore Castle in Denmark, where the play is set, and released in 1964. It won an Emmy.

Plummer married Tony-winning actress Tammy Grimes in 1956, and fathered his only child, actress Amanda Plummer, in 1957. Like both her parents, she also won a Tony, in 1982 for "Agnes of God." (Grimes won two Tonys, for "Private Lives" and "The Unsinkable Molly Brown.")

Plummer and Grimes divorced in 1960. A five-year marriage to Patricia Lewis ended in 1967. Plummer married his third wife, dancer Taylor, in 1970, and credited her with helping him overcome a drinking problem.

He was given Canada's highest civilian honour when he was invested as Companion of the Order of Canada by Queen Elizabeth II in 1968, and was inducted into the American Theatre's Hall of Fame in 1986.

AP Film Writers Lindsey Bahr and Jake Coyle in New York and AP Entertainment Writer Andrew Dalton in Los Angeles contributed to this report.

from CTV News - Atlantic https://ift.tt/39OlYBg

[alphacrone]

jack discovers bandom and sort of regrets it...

A sequel-ette to Blue-Eyed Jack. Jack just wants confirmation the song is about him. He doesn’t mean to fall down this particular rabbit hole.

When Bitty & the Biscuits came out with their new single, Jack was one of the first to know.

He wasn’t obsessed with the band, per se, just...enthusiastic. Jack loved country and folk music, grew up listening to his mom’s Johnny Cash and Emmylou Harris albums. His first concert had been Charlie Daniels. His first crush had been Natalie Maines. And a year ago, when he’d stumbled across this little band with a Canadian guitarist and a ridiculously cute lead singer who was openly gay--well, Jack had been sold on the spot.

(It didn’t help that one of their songs, Goon, was about hockey. Jack would never admit out loud that it had made a fanboy out of him.)

Though he was certain Eric Bittle couldn’t have actually written a song about him, Jack listened to Blue-Eyed Jack on repeat for hours the day it dropped. Surely he’d already been thinking about writing this song the day he met Jack; surely Jack wasn’t his favorite singer’s muse.

The internet went crazy with speculation in the weeks that followed. An astounding number of people thought it was written about Jack Mueller, an “Instagram Influencer” with whom Bittle had interacted with on several occasions. Jack had been forced to google Mueller’s profession, and had gotten confused and frustration almost immediately. Surely Bittle hadn't written the song about someone as vain and boring as a man who took pictures of his salads every day.

This was when Jack had discovered what the kids referred to as “bandom.” It had been very late at night and he'd been almost too tired to even process what he was seeing, but Jack had somehow stumbled onto a blog completely dedicated to Bittle and his band. This blog--and several like it--claimed that Blue-Eyed Jack was clearly a red herring to keep the fans in the dark about the secret relationship between Bittle and his guitarist, Justin Oluransi.

Jack frowned when he read this over and over again. Surely they would've come forward publicly if they were really dating. Surely Bittle wouldn't be singing a song about another man if he was in a relationship.

Surely he wouldn't have called Jack handsome if he had a boyfriend.

But these blogs claimed otherwise. They carefully compiled photos from Oluransi’s Instagram, ones where Oluransi was hugging Bittle or had his arm around Bittle’s shoulder. One particularly memorable one--that had been edited a hundred different ways and often features cheesily edited flower crowns--showed Oluransi sprawled across a couch lengthwise, Bittle asleep on top of him. The comments on the picture raved about how low on Bittle’s back Oluransi’s hand rested and how Bittle was smiling in his sleep. How can they even pretend they're not dating when they post pics like this??? One blogger wrote, followed by several emojis.

Jack didn't like that picture.

The blog also featured animated gifs from various concerts, over-analyzed song lyrics, even excerpts from interviews, all brought together in this odd quest to prove Bittle and Oluransi were in love. Jack might've found it fascinating if he didn't feel so jealous.

Maybe it's just, like, a song y'all, one post said, catching Jack’s eye. People write songs about fake people all the time, it doesn't have to mean anything.

Jack frowned and closed his laptop, eyes burning with fatigue. Maybe he'd been overreacting, thinking that Bittle had written a song about him. His name had simply triggered some inspiration in a talented musician, that was all.

Sleep came to him eventually, but his dreams were muddled and discontented.

  When Holster found one of these so-called “Ritty” blogs on Jack’s laptop a few days later, he couldn’t stop laughing.

Jack hated him a little bit.

“Dude, you’ve got it bad,” he said, wiping at his eyes. “This is great. I haven’t seen one of these bad boys since the Parse/Zimms fanfiction days. Your crush on Bitty is fucking adorable.”

“Shut up,” Jack muttered. “I don’t have a crush. He’s the lead singer of my favorite bad, that’s all-”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Holster flopped back on the couch, rolling his eyes. “Look, Bitty’s great and all, yay gay people in country and whatever, but Justin Oluransi is the best singer in the industry and he’s getting shafted as the Biscuits’ guitarist when he should totes have his own gig.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like I’m not the only one with a crush.”

“Ha!” Holster jumped up, pointing an accusatory finger in Jack’s face. “So you do have a crush! Jack ‘Married to Hockey’ Zimmermann has a crush!”

Jack locked Holster out of the apartment until Shitty and Nursey showed up, Chinese take-out in tow.

  Justin Oluransi @canadianbiscuit

Apparently @omgittybitty wrote Blue-Eyed Jack about @jlzimmermann1 and didn’t realize it???? EVERYONE SHAME BITTY W ME #shame

Jack rarely checked his Twitter, but when he saw this notification, he nearly passed out.

With shaky hands, he passed the phone to Holster, who actually shrieked in response.

  The chirps were worth the knowledge that Eric Bittle had, in fact, written a song about him.

Jack didn’t even bother going back to those “Ritty” blogs, feeling too smug to read conspiracy theories on how that tweet was all a ruse. Jack knew the truth and it was magnificent.

Now he just had to meet Bittle again. To...properly thank him for the song.

[READ PART 3]

[My writing tag]

[OMGCP Country Singer AU]

[My online novel, The Discourt Knife]