#and Elle. BEING ELLE would not even need the perspective of living in a time where that was normal to be like: yes I approve

[flowerflamestars]

Robin fic snippet

He wasn’t looking at her.   Not those lovely flushed cheeks or furious mouth bitten red- the stark truth of Elle’s face after dark was something Jason couldn’t necessarily handle, much less deserved in this moment.   So it was a surprise, when she said, sudden and fierce right over the thunderous rain. “Can I touch you?” “What?”   “Are you okay with me touching you,” Elle rephrased, easy and clear, “I really want to hold your hand right now, but if this is not a touching moment, that’s fine.”   “Don’t fucking pity me.” Jason said, couldn’t stop himself from saying, “I don’t want it.”   Copper in bloom, a whole fresh wash of anger like Jason’s words had physically drawn blood.   “Christ.” Elle said, soft and razor edged. Pleasant. “Is he still alive?”   “Who?”   “You father,” Elle snapped, like a blow, “Because I’m going to kill him. There’s nowhere on this planet someone can hide from a Warden, and I’m going to light him on fire. Anyone and everything that put that look on your face. It’s not fear, or pity, or”-   Black sweeping, the water pulling him under so easy.   “I thought,” Jason swallowed, “Wardens had to follow the law.”   A huff of a laugh, salt-sting sharp in his mouth. “Witch law. Magic laws. A witches soulmate is a witch. I don’t care if you’re not one of my kids, and you can defend yourself. You’re- you’re my soulmate, and I’ll kill people who hurt you and no one, no witch, would even imagine stopping me. We live forever. It’s no easy love.”   Such a goddamn lie, she was the easiest person in the world to adore.   Jason reach out and pulled both her knotted together hands into his lap. Carefully unwound her grip, pressed her palms flat to his, trying to gauge how deep the cuts across Elle’s knuckles were.   “You can touch me,” Jason said, looking up. Catching, just a second before it shifted, the look of complete surprise on her face. “I never want you to stop.”

[herdelreydear]

I was all over her

pt 1

warnings: college!au, mean!ellie, owenxabby, elliexreader, (a bit abbyxreader bc of readers past, smoking, drugs, alcohol, some angst, nsfw in this or the next parts

summary: Dina drags Ellie to a camp where they can work at for three weeks, the money is good and they get a little vecation from their college life. It’s annoying but it gets more interesting when Ellie gets to know the other girl that is joining as a camp leader.

notes: i’m really excited for this series, it’s gonna be inspired by the 80s slasher summer camp vibe! They’re not in the 80s anymore but their town is so stubborn, that they still got all the old equipments so it kind of feels like it anyways. I’m also going to switch from different perspectives to get a better view from everyone’s thoughts when things get spicy :P

reposting, liking or even commenting would be so so appreciated <3

{ not proofread }

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„Ugh“ Ellie grunted shoving her stuff in her backpack that was already falling apart and had some holes here and there. It didn’t bother her as long as she didn’t loose anything of her supplies.

„If the money isn’t worth it i’m going.“ Dina, laying on her bed watching her- „Of course Ells as if you’re not living off of instant noodles and my stuff the last few weeks“ she grinned and rolled onto her stomach.

„The kids are gonna be annoying but remember how we were that age?“ she let out a quite laugh. „Were the ones making the rules now, so how bad can it be?“

„Oh fuck you“ Ellie sighed and finally got her backpack to zip up. „Kids that age are little shitheads“ she stood up and let herself fall on the bed next to Dina. „Well yeah, but at least they’re not that bad, I mean they wont be older than 16 y‘know?“

„Well with 16 I started selling“ Ellie grinned. „But if I catch one of them doing anything like that imma beat their ass“ she looked at her phone to check the time. „Well, or their mom will“

Dina flipped a finger against Ellies forehead „Ouch“- „You’re the one that has to behave“ Dina glanced a provocative smile at her. „No girls your age except for me and Abby, and a bunch of kids- I think you can handle that“

„I don’t like that Abby and Owen are the ones giving the orders to us, she‘s okay but Owen is annoying as fuck“ Dina nodded to agree with her. Abby and Owen were a bit older then them, and already did the camp counseling the year before.

„Well anyways we gotta go“ Dina pushed Ellie of the bed otherwise to leave would’ve took forever. They got outside and walked to Ellies Pick-Up truck. The others would drive in a school bus Owen got the permission to drive with. They would all meet at the camp.

This year it was so full, Owen and Abby decided to let all the kids sleep in the little cabins and the leaders would have to sleep outside. Because of Ellie having the Pick-Up they already loaded all their tents on it, wondering why there were two from Abby and Owen, thinking they’d sleep together anyways.

The Trip was nice though, Ellie liked driving and Dina liked being Ellies Dj even though Ellie didn’t approve to all the songs Dina was blasting on full volume.

After arriving Ellie looked unmotivated again. „First and last day are always the most stressful ones, so don’t give up today okay Ells?“ Closing the car door Dina tried to get Ellies confirmation. „Yeah sure“ she muffled and helped Dina with the tents and their backpacks.

Already settled in, they could hear the voices of kids and teens laughing in their little cabins. Searching for Abby and Owen they ran into you.

You just had moved to the place you were now also going to college to. Only about three months ago, but you didn’t recognize the two women approaching you. They don’t look 16 anymore that’s for sure, so they must be from college too, also taking the opportunity to get that money.

Of course you needed that money desperately, normal for a college student. Also, extra money didn’t hurt, and you needed to get away from.. well actually you wanted to get away from Abby, but you already applied to the job before knowing it was organized by Abby- and Owen, her boyfriend.. At least the two other girls are joining too, so you’re not alone with them.

„hey! you’re from college too?“ Dina came up to greet you with a welcoming quick hug, surprised you smiled lightly and nodded. „Uh, yeah I am“ you looked over to the other girl, hands in her pockets and not looking like she was going to great you like the other one. „I’m y/n“ you introduced yourself to the two. „Dina“ -she seemed like a person you’ll get along with, but the other one- „Ellie“ she said shortly, seemed not that pleased by the whole situation. Well, maybe she was just here for the money, and you’d understand that. For you, being outside was calming, and working or more like watching the kids a bit was totally fine with you. Growing up with siblings you knew how to handle annoying teens.

„Hey hey“ Owen stepped out of one of the cabins, Abby on his hand, she looked a bit annoyed but smiled when she saw the small group of yours. „Finally, all the kids are already unpacking their stuff and ready for some food“ she smiled and they stepped closer to greet everyone. „So for the basics: we have plans hung out in the kitchen on wich we are divded into wash off and cooking shifts.“ Abby walked to one of the cabins, the only one that was a bit bigger, everyone followed.

Stepping in she pointed to a list that was hung up against a board. „I think it’s okay that we do the dishes, the kids are here to relax. Owen and I are going to do most of the activities with them, but most of the kids are already to old for that and just want to be outside on the lake or on the fields. You guys just watch out that no ones going missing and when we need you, you’ll help us out.“

Her voice was calm and you couldn’t avoid feeling a big clump in your throat.

Just weeks ago she ended it with you, or kind of did. You apparently just were a little flink she had while being broken up with Owen. It still hurted though. She was the first woman you slept with, but even more- she was the one that gave you the security you were a lesbian. At the beginning she was there for you while being the new student, helping you out a lot with how everything worked you both couldn’t deny the tension that got in between you from the first day you’d met. At that point you didn’t knew about the breakup with Owen, you were fully convinced she was a lesbian anyways. You asked her out on sweet little coffee dates and she took you to her basketball practice ones in a while. It felt like you two had known each other for much longer than just a few months. You started to crush on her besides being sexually attracted to her. But it stayed at being fuck buddies, till you mentioned your feelings and she seemed to be on the same side. All fine, till one night- that stupid fucking frat party. You were waiting for her all night, after not showing up you asked around if anybody saw her. Some did, but they also lost sight of her. Already a bit drunk you made your way through the rooms till you accidentally walked in on two people, needing a sec to realize who was having sex right there.

That night didn’t end well. You were heartbroken (you knew it seemed a bit too fast but it still hurted- and it was the way she did not tell you about him- and didn’t tell you she was actually just getting her sexual frustration eased by sleeping with you) You felt used and had cut her off.

Now, you two had to get along somehow. And it was fine, it wasn’t that deep you tried to tell yourself. Move on, gosh you’re embarrassing yourself . You’d tell yourself.

Everyone seemed fine with the list, and you turned to Dina and Ellie. „So, let’s build up our tents?“ you wanted to get away from her. They agreed. You looked up to Abby while walking past her, she gave you a little smile. You noticed her apologizing look, it made you sick.

„Oh I forgot to tell you, Jesse‘s coming too“ Dina turned her head to Ellie while putting together the tent. „How did you forget that“ Ellie scrunched her eyebrows together. Sweet. You held on to the other side of the tent, not doing much because you didn’t knew anything ok how to put up those. „Well, Ells he’s not here so obviously I forgot him. He’s always late!“ she rolled her eyes. „Jesse‘s my Ex“ she turned around to tell you without being asked, but you were to shy to ask anyways, so you appreciated her leading the conversation. „So now we’re two“ you tried to smile. „Wait what? You were dating Jesse??“ You shaked your head hardly. „Noo I don’t even know him don’t worry“ before she could ask about Abby, you quickly finished building up the tent and changed the subject. When all tents were up, Jesse arrived. Extroverted like Dina he started blabbering all kinds of stuff on to you, knowing he just tried to made you feel less left out, you tried to stay as focused as possible and answered to all his questions.

„So now, who’s gonna sleep where?“

All of you stood infront of the three little tents. Abby and Owen were already in the kitchen, making some dough for bread on sticks, but it was obvious they’d sleep together. „I don’t care, you guys can decide“ You smiled and you noticed Ellie glancing over to you. She was really quite since they arrived but it was kind of.. pleasant.

„You wanna sleep with me?“ She said, and you shrugged. „Sure“ giving her a smile that she gave you back. Dina raised a brow, knowing Ellie, she took every opportunity to get girls actually in bed with her. Poor you Dina thought. But Dina was also more than fine with sharing a tent with Jesse. Yes, they broke up, but they still were like besties.

Following Ellie you climbed into your tent, finding yourself unexpectedly really close to her. Ellie noticed the rosy color on your cheeks. „So.. on wich side do you want to sleep?“ you asked, a bit uncomfortable. Before saying anything Ellie just stretched herself and layed down on her side. „is that fine?“ she reassured and you nodded. While humming you started to unpack your stuff. Ellie watched you while rolling herself another one up. You didn’t mind, and didn’t tell her to stop when she lightened it in your little tent, you just opened the entrance and layed down next to her.

„So how come I’ve never seen you at college?“ She looked to the side and held the joint infront of you, as you took it you thought about how you could answer it as short as possible.

„I just came here a few months ago, wasn’t really with anybody that’s probably why“ you shrugged „I like to be on my own“ you exhaled and gave it back to her. She grinned. „Well that’s definitely understandable, but what about frat parties? They can be fun too, never been to one?“ she layed her head on her arm that was behind her and watched the smoke fill the air.

„Well I was“ you caughed, you weren’t used to smoking weed, and the tent was full of smoke. Ellie laughed and opened the outer layer of the tent a bit wider. „Let’s go“ she tilted her head to the exit, noticing you’re not taking the full air that well and you climbed out of it. It already got dark and you decided to collect some wood for the campfire. You didn’t notice how a constant smile was on your lips, and how the stiffness from before started to loosen up. But Ellie noticed and enjoyed your quite being.

After being done collecting some sticks and branches, Ellie lit up the campfire and Jesse and Dina gathered the kids around it. Abby and Owen brought the food and the atmosphere started to get more calm and chatty. You enjoyed it more than you thought and then and there your eyes met with Ellies.

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I know that’s the second series I started, I think I’ll just write them both at the same time. I hope you like it, I already have the next parts planned x3

I’m also making a playlist inspired by the 80s but also the vibe for this series~

[lazaruspiss]

YESSSSSS i would love to read what you've got sorted out for your Dick alters :D

*does an evil little cheerleader dance*

-redhoodinternaldialectical

Hi! I liked the Ric arc. Conceptually. Sort of. It has many problems but it stuck with me. Most of my DIDick notes are tucked away in my DMs so I'm gonna do my best to go over all that! (and according to my writing program this is over 1.6K words so. whoops?)

By the end of the Ric arc, Dick has what are essentially 3-4 different lives in his noggin. I think the crystal shit is honestly more fucked up if he /doesn't/ have DID. And I was also just enamored with Ric, and all of the "we want you to come home Dick!!" that he was dealing with. Waking up for the first time and being bombarded by people insisting that you're someone else? It works so well for a DID story. As I continued to think about/work on it, it grew far past just covering Ric/Talon/Joker. I ended up going through the major turning points in Dick’s life and sort of walking through it, and seeing who I would end up with. In the canon I'm most attached to Dick is sent to juvie for a while before ending up with Bruce. That's where I imagine their mind first starting to take shape. Robin: A baby. All those happy memories of /before/ tucked away where they can be protected. Any pronouns, too young to really be concerned with much. They're an all around bundle of joy that almost never gets to come out despite wanting to explore and make friends. It's just too dangerous, and they have to stay "pure". This is essentially how they stay, a time capsule that never ages. For simplicity's sake, I'll refer to them as "Baby Robin" instead of Robin for the rest of this. Dick/Magpie: Dick sees Magpie as his imaginary friend. Magpie sees Dick as her partner in crime. The two co-front and switch places a lot, and are generally pretty close. Dick is still exposed to the horrors of the outside world enough to not /think/ he's missing anything, but Magpie takes on what he can't.

They slowly but surely become distant as time passes. Dick completely forgets about her by the time he turns 13. For most of their life Dick is completely in the dark. It's easier like this, when there's a face recognized by the outside world that doesn't need to know the details. It's easier to lie when you don't know you're doing it. There's a period around 10-14 where everything gets /messy/ and memories get weird, particularly where the Joker is involved. Dolly: A little girl with big dreams. She thinks herself much more mature than she is, and doesn't understand what's so wrong about Humbert Humbert. "He really did love her, you know?". Joker showers her in the attention that she couldn't find anywhere else at the time. He's the only person who knows she exists even including the others inside the system. He's the first person outside the system to know that there /is/ a system in the first place. Magpie eventually gets some indication of Dolly's existence, but she doesn't act on it. Has no clue what can even be done for Dolly in this situation.

It does make moving in with the Teen Titans an easy decision. They need to be away from Bruce for a bit, need to just leave Gotham and get it together. The stress of it all still keeps picking up while they're with the Titans. It's no easy feat to manage a team while trying to balance their own mental state(s). Elle: Originally unnamed, but Baby Robin thought they should be named after Elle Woods because they're "smart and cool like her!" but the resemblance pretty much ends there. They're very no nonsense and short tempered. They don't control the body at all, instead managing things from an inside perspective. They know just about everything about everyone. Like Oracle, but for the system and all that encompasses. They can occasionally co-front and speak if need be, but prefer not to. Cannot move the body if they were to front alone.

X: Do I even need to explain. X, Apprentice, eventually Renegade, it has many names, X just stuck the best. Rose ends up calling it René though. Slade gets to call it whatever he wants. X is pretty morally neutral. Doesn't seek to do harm, but follows orders without guilt or hesitation. Doesn't talk, sometimes it just can't, sometimes it just doesn't want to. Slade has heard its voice the most out of anybody. Its mental image of itself has no face, only a warped echo of the mask that Robin once wore. Not actually as mean as it might seem, especially when Slade isn’t around for it to serve. Slade was surprised when he found out about the system, but rolls with it in a way that earns him at least a little favor with most of them.

Maggie (Magpie): She's quiet during the teen years. She can't bring herself to talk to the Titans, seeing them as Dick's friends and not hers. She's lonely. Honestly, she’s a pretty normal teenage girl.

Dolly: Went dormant when they left Gotham.

Dick still helps in Gotham for a while. Until he gets fired by Batman. It sets everything a bit sideways. Dick is sort of leading the charge for a while and is so annoying about it that a coup is briefly considered. This is around the time he falls in with Eddie and Liu, eventually losing his virginity to the latter. Maggie doesn’t handle that last part well. It does end in Dick establishing Nightwing, and most are content with that, but Maggie still occasionally ends up with the memories that Dick pushes out. It eats at her and eats at her, and she never really recovers. Maggie is stuck in a permanent state of being sixteen after this. Life goes on. Life goes wrong. Jason dies. Everything is messy again. Eventually Dolly comes back, but more as an adult this time. Doesn’t mean she’s well adjusted though. She’s selfish, reckless, and far too attached to the demon in their head. Did I mention the Joker introject? Good. Neither did any of them. It’s an open secret, a he-who-shall-not-be-named type of situation. Joker: “My pronouns are eat/my/ass.” He’s pretty much exactly how you think he’d be. He gained some influence after Dick tried to kill the original Joker, but he’s always been this ambiguous boogeyman. Doesn’t really go out of his way to fuck shit up, and mainly sticks to fucking with his Dolly.

Lola/Dolores (Dolly): Can't lie, she’s my favorite. She's got so many issues, but carries herself with a mix of playfulness and flirtation. She's a /woman/ now and isn't afraid to remind you, /Papa/. She thinks of Lulu Belle as being her “girlhood self”. It’s a lot more pleasant to cling to memories of when she and Bruce met and got along through the occasional “cross-dressing” mission than it is to think about what most of her younger years were like. She’s prone to manic episodes, and is frequently enabled by Joker. She drinks, she plays, and she gets yelled at by Elle about making sure she at least uses protection.

Dolores and Joker are effectively married (derogatory). It’s obviously really bad for Dolores. She doesn’t really distinguish between her introject husband and the original Joker, often prone to breakdowns when he sees the original with other women. She fucking hates Harley so damn much, and Punchline when that all happens. It doesn’t really come to anything, but it does mess her up emotionally. It goes on like that. The Blockbuster incident proves to be another low. They keep pulling themselves together into something functional just to be broken down again. Dolores forces her way to the front a lot. She already had a drinking problem, but it doesn’t really get better. At least that makes for a good excuse as to why Dick’s memories are so full of holes. Then Jason is back. He’s intimidating. He doesn’t know, but he can see through them more than most. They keep him at a distance when they can, because it’s terrifying feeling so exposed. And then there’s the headshot and the crystal. All previous alters are essentially locked out, and for a while it’s just Ric.

Ric: He’s angry and hurting. Why wouldn’t he be? Everyone looks at him and treats him like a man that he’s never met. They /hate/ him for not being that person. He’s reckless and guarded, but softens up around people who don’t know the stranger he’s supposed to be. He doesn’t know Slade, but he would've fallen for him easily. Also of note is that he ends up as one of those alcoholics turned health bros, in large part due to finding out that he’s a part of a system. He has a huge soft spot for animals and kids, and is pretty nice to those who deserve it. He’s not afraid to tell people when he thinks they /don’t/ deserve it though. The most date-able of them all tbh. Talon: It’s a feral animal. All its memories, thoughts, and feelings are incoherent and abstract. Joker: He’s given memories of being abused by the Graysons’ and the original Joker gets cemented in his mind as his dad. The aftermath of being groomed and controlled by the original Joker really fucks him up. He gets pretty forcibly humanized. He’s still not great, but he’s slightly better now that he’s learned about concepts like “pain” and “trauma” first hand. He’s morally improved and mad about it. He misses being evil and guiltless. Eventually the previous alters come back after the crystal is taken care of. It’s a fucking trip for Dick, because he’s finding out about all of them for the first time. From here they’d ideally stay away from the bats while they sort out/adjust to all that.

[arrieebooks]

Watch

Precious Weapon Drabble, a week before chapter six.

Pairing : Sierra Six x F!OC (Elle) x Lloyd Hansen.

Summary : Six teaches her how to use a sniper while Lloyd watches them — things get a little heated.

Warnings : Voyeurism. Guns. Smut. Fingering. Teasing. Edging. Jealousy. Cursing. Too much sexual tension. Implied sex. Dirty talk. Praise kink.

Word count : 4k words. (only one part)

Author's note : Another drabble from after chapter five! I hope the timeline isn't too confusing but this is basically somewhere in a week before chapter six.

***

The penthouse was completely silent and peaceful the whole day. Which was very rare. 

The afternoon sun glowed on Lloyd and Elle through their wide, floor to ceiling window. They were both busy with their own stuff. But it's nice this way for them. 

Six is still on a mission with the other agents — a quick recon mission but she didn't know the exact details. They've been in a country somewhere in Asia since this morning. They went with a chopper. He said he'd be back before dinner. 

Elle is quietly reading from her tablet in the living room as her legs propped up on their coffee table. She has her headphones in, listening to her favorite songs on her phone in full volume. 

Meanwhile, Lloyd's at the dining table, doing some quick paperwork on his laptop while his thick fingers constantly typed on the thin keyboard. He needed to finish this before tonight so he could do some other things. 

They didn't really do this very often. Just quietly doing their own things without any interactions at all. It had been like this for hours now. They're both waiting for Six. 

Nowadays, it's always been the three of them with everything. Not in bed, though, they've been all too busy to take their time to do that. But in general. They've been spending a lot of time together outside of missions. More than any of them has ever had with anyone. 

Most nights, she comes up with some new recipe to cook and then they'd eat it all together at the dining table. Sometimes, they'd watch some movies that she personally picked in their living room if they had nothing else to do. Or, she'd force them to play some stupid card game where she would always win again and again. 

She also takes care of them a lot. After every mission, she'd make them sit in front of them while she heals any sort of scars or wounds they had.

She's a fucking blessing in disguise for them. 

“Elle, come here.” Lloyd suddenly calls out to her with a stern tone. He'd been in working mode. 

Even with headphones on and a full volume of music, she could still hear him, loud and clear. She frowns, taking her headphones off to rest around her neck.

“What?” she simply asks before getting up from the couch and starts walking to him with her tablet still in her hands. 

Lloyd's eyes follow her body as she gets closer and closer to him. She's wearing a plain, pink flowy and short sundress while not bothering to even wear a bra as he could clearly see her nipples poking out. She's home the whole day so she couldn't care less. He had to remind himself why he asked her over and focus back on that. 

She takes a seat across from him, placing the tablet on her lap as her eyes try to figure him out. He's so focused on his work, really determined to finish this but he's also a little tired from staring at the screen for hours. She wished she could help, but she knew nothing of CIA paperwork or whatsoever he's doing. If she was being honest, she'd rather not know. 

He clears his throat, staring into her eyes instead of his laptop. “I need your opinion on this. So, to summarize, how would you say how bad the corruption is here? I mean, in your perspective, is every single person here corrupted?” he asks, so formally.

Elle nods easily, leaning back onto her seat. “Yeah. In their own way. But with enough time, I can fix it. Maybe not all of them, just most of them to make a big enough difference.” she explained. 

“We can fix it.” Lloyd corrects casually, even though he was hell-bent on not trying too hard to save this city a week ago. Yet, he knew how much this has meant for her. He saw the way she was so serious about all these missions. She's ambitious and hardworking when she wants something done. Like him.

His fingers continue to quickly type on the keyboard the exact words she said. She waits for him patiently as her eyes study his focused face. He'd been working almost the whole day, sitting on his ass off in front of his laptop. She wants to help him relax. He deserves it, she thinks. She likes taking care of them, pampering them. 

Eventually, Lloyd looks up at her from his laptop with his face slowly relaxing at her.

“I'm almost done with this shit. You wanna do something after this?” he asks, softly.

She bites her bottom lips and grins widely. “Sure. What'd you have in mind? A little quick blow job under the table or uh, bubble bath sex? I'm down for anything.” Elle teases him, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

He grimaces and frowns. “Fuck, no. I'm not…in the mood for that now. I meant to relax. Normal things. Like ordering our favorite food and watching whatever stupid movie you want. Or we could go out somewhere. Somewhere nice, you know.” Lloyd suggests, for the very first time ever. His tone is soft and hesitant. 

It was so rare for him to decline fun, kinky sex from her. He'd always be so pent-up after a mission and would be all over her the second they went back home. They don't always exactly fuck, but they do a lot of other things. They tend to get very creative. 

She widens her eyes. “Oh. Thought you found all those things boring?” she assumes, genuinely asking him.

Lloyd twists his lips in disapproval. “Yeah, but it's…simple and relaxing. Mundane. I've never really done all those things before. With anyone.” he shamelessly admits, truthfully.

Elle nods seriously. “Well, okay, sure. I'd prefer to stay at home. But, can we wait for Six? I just texted him and he said he's almost here.” she tells him. 

“Of course. I need a few minutes too to completely finish this.” Lloyd informs her as she hums in response. He stares back at his laptop, continuing to type fast again. 

She sighs, lifting the tablet from her lap as she mindlessly scrolls through the books she's already read today. She loves reading. It keeps her busy and it's what she does for fun these days. Sometimes, she also reads with Six when they're in bed together. 

As she looks for her another new book to indulge in, she startles at the sudden loud sound from the chopper landing right above them. Only she could hear this, because of her sensitive hearing and all. She didn't really hear much of it this morning when they took off, since she was still asleep when he left. 

She grimaces at the loud impact, dropping the tablet on her lap as she groans softly. Lloyd immediately noticed as he glanced back at her, his eyebrows knitting in concern as he tried to figure out what's going on with her. 

He leans closer onto the table. “Hey, you okay? What is it?” he asks, worried.

She couldn't even answer him properly because there were other sounds again. Some heavy footsteps and then the sound of the elevator. She stopped to think and just realized that it would most likely be Six there. He's finally here—

The elevator suddenly opens and Six steps out almost immediately with his gear still on. He was really looking forward to coming home during the whole mission. It wasn't that bad, it was just too easy and boring for him. It felt pointless. 

Elle and Lloyd snapped their heads to him and they almost smiled in sync. They're both just as glad to see him. They sort-of missed him while he was gone the entire day. Even though the man barely says anything, he's good company and quietly cares about them. He'd die and kill for them. He'd usually only do that for a stupid mission. 

Her smile widens as big as possible and she quickly gets up from her seat. “You're back!” she exclaims happily while running to him, throwing her arms around him. 

She hugged him close to her, squeezing him tightly. She felt all of his body and she knew he hadn't even changed his clothes yet. He was still in a thick bulletproof vest and smelled of so much sweat. She didn't mind. She was just glad to see him back. She leaned her head on his neck and buried her face there. 

Though, she wasn't exactly noticing the huge gun he had hanging by his side until she looked down at it. She slowly pulled away from him, her arms resting on his shoulders. 

She chuckles. “Sorry. I got too excited. We've been waiting for you.” Elle confesses. 

Six breaks into another smile. “Me too. I'm tired, honestly. Could use a shower and a nap.” he admits, his eyes studying her face.

She nods, understanding. “How about some cold iced water?” she suggests with a smile. “And, uh, you know, you could show me that gun of yours. I've never touched or even seen one before!” Elle excitedly tells him with an uncontrollable expression on her face. 

Lloyd peaks at them and frowns, shaking his head. “Absolutely not. You are not touching a fucking gun. Especially a sniper. You could shoot anyone! Or us.” he protests, dramatically. 

She rolls his eyes before looking up at Six for approval with her innocent, wide eyes. He's fine with it, the ammo ran out anyway after the mission. Plus, how could he ever refuse her when she's practically pleading at him with her big, beautiful eyes? 

“Lloyd, it's fine. I'll teach her how to use it properly.” Six suggests calmly, taking a quick glance at him.

Her eyes immediately lit up and her smile turned bigger until all her dimples were showing on her cheeks. “You will?” she softly asks.

Six nods, staring down at her. “Of course.” he responds while they begin to walk towards the dining table with his hand wrapped around her waist. 

Her smile still lingers on her lips as he takes her previous seat and settles on it. He puts down his black duffle bag onto the floor before taking his bulletproof vest off.

Six places the gun on the table with its bipod, setting it to aim at the view of the city as the gun stands itself. She stands beside him as she leans down on him, observing the gun. 

Lloyd glances back and forth at them before maintaining his focus on the laptop again so he could get this done quickly. 

Six's thick fingers brush across the gun and her focus drifts for a second, remembering how good he is with his fingers. He grips the bottom of the gun with his hand and his other on the edge of it, flexing his muscular arms. She's so flustered that her cheeks are slowly turning red.

His eyes look up at her before moving to the sniper scope attached to it. “This helps you aim better. It could go as far as you want. Well, it depends on the gun. But this one can.” Six explains to her while she solely focuses on his calloused, big hands.

She nods, humming in response like she's so interested in what he's saying. Earlier she was, but staring at his fingers and his hands like this is making her feel something and she needs more. 

“Can I see how to aim?” she asks him, seemingly innocent.

He casually nods. “Yeah, but you'd have to sit here to see properly.” Six plainly replies, not noticing the trap she just put in. 

“Okay,” Elle murmurs before calmly sitting on his lap as her back leans against his chest. 

She looks closely at the gun and he is speechless, just accepting the situation. His lips quirk into a small smile, letting out a quiet chuckle. 

Lloyd finally looks up at them and lifts his eyebrows in surprise. “Seriously?” he comments. 

Her eyes turn to him and stare at him innocently. “What? I want to see how to aim.” she plainly says. 

He leans onto his seat as his lips turn into a smirk. “Yeah, right.” Lloyd remarks.

She rolls her eyes at him. “Whatever. It's just us, anyway. No one else, right?” she teases, looking back at Six.

Six clears his throat lightly, nodding. He's trying to hide the blush on his cheeks before focusing back onto the gun. “Right. So, uh, you could just see right through here and then you can aim wherever you want.” he elaborates, his fingers pointing at the sniper's telescopic lens. 

She just hums quietly, leaning down onto the gun as her ass shifts on his lap. ”Do you use this type of gun often?” she asks. 

He nods again. “Most of the time. I just use whatever they give me. Sometimes, it's just a regular handgun. Or, an enormous one just like this but with night vision to identify the target better.” Six explains further. 

He's trying to remain focused on the gun instead of her constantly moving on his lap. It's really distracting him. She's the only one capable of distracting him and his focus. And that's saying a lot for him. He's always so unfazed and calm even during tense missions. Nothing has ever distracted him this much. 

Lloyd rolls his eyes. “She's literally grinding on your lap and you're talking about fucking night visions? Honestly, Six, who gives a shit about that?” he remarks.

She breaks into a grin, turning to him. “Why? Are you jealous? Would you prefer it if I sat on your lap, instead?” she teases him.

He frowns, then scoffs. “What? No. It's just a distracting sight and I'm trying to finish my work. Would be much better if you'd do this elsewhere.” Lloyd bitterly scolds her.

Elle hums, ignoring his demand as she turns around to Six and her ass shifts again. She rests her hands against his neck before leaning down onto his lips and kissing him soft and slow. 

Pulling away from his lips, she turns her head to Lloyd. “No, here is fine. You could watch if you want. I know you like that.” Elle teases him, again. 

Lloyd says nothing. He knows she's right. He had told her tiny parts of his kinks and one of them was watching. He crosses his arms against his chest and leans back onto his seat even more. His eyes travel to both of them and they know what he's waiting for.

Six chuckles quietly through his nose. “I thought you wanted to see how the sniper works.” he softly teases back. 

She nods. “Oh, I do. I haven't seen how the telescopic sniper works.” she says.

His eyes gestures toward the gun and she turns around, her back facing his chest again. He places both of his arms on each side of her from behind. Six grabs her hands gently and puts them on the gun along with his hands too, guiding her onto the correct way to hold it. 

He leans closer to her from behind, his mouth near her ear. “You gotta place your eyes right there.” he whispers, his finger pointing to the sniper scope again. 

She hums affirmatively. “Okay.” Elle says, leaning down onto the sniper scope and placing one of her eyes on the lens. 

Six shifts forward as her ass arches back and grinds on his lap making Lloyd dart his tongue on his bottom lips. 

This is getting heated over a second. It wasn't supposed to. This was just supposed to be an innocent thing. They were going to have a nice, relaxing evening. Not this. Though, none of them are complaining. It's been quite a while since they've done anything physical all at once together. This is close to that. 

Her eye observes the view from the sniper scope, looking around the whole city from a close distance as she zooms in. She could see the inside of other buildings, stores and even people walking close up and detailed. It could even identify the person's temperature. It looks pretty cool despite the heated moment going on behind her. She'd totally geek out if this was a different circumstance. 

Six quietly slips one of his hands on her hips and moves lower onto her inner thigh, right next to her cunt. She lets out a soft gasp while he slides his hand under her dress, feeling his bare touch but he doesn't touch her sensitive area yet. His fingers continue to graze over her inner thigh, teasing her just enough to get her even wetter than she already is. 

“Check her panties, Six. I bet she's all wet from watching your hands hold that gun.” Lloyd taunts her, actually being right about this one. 

He knows exactly what turns her on and what gets her wet. Even though he was busy earlier, he saw how she was looking at Six's hands. He saw that look on her face she has whenever she's turned on.

She rolls her eyes from the lens. “Fuck off, Lloyd. You're not even supposed to say anything. You're just supposed to watch.” she argues, trying to deny what he just said despite him being absolutely right. 

"Oh, well, too late for that, sweetheart.” he argues back, with that smug smirk of his and even though she can't see him, she can hear him smirk. 

Six leans onto her ears. “Don't let him ruin the mood.” he whispers quietly, but still letting Lloyd hear what he's saying to her. 

She nods as his fingers slips into her panties, nudging it to the side until he finally feels her soaking wet cunt. Her cheeks heat up in embarrassment and pleasure.

“Shit, he's right. You are wet.” Six curses, which is rare for him but nowadays, he slips up a lot because of her.

“See? Told you.” Lloyd taunts again and it's only making her even wetter. His dick twitches at the thought of it. He hasn't even seen it or touch her yet. He's trying so hard not to palm himself through his pants now.

She stays quiet instead. She has nothing to say. Her eyes still stay on the sniper scope where it's zoomed in on the city but she's not even focusing on that. She's only focusing on his fingers as he slowly rubs her clit with gentle strokes, just how she likes it.

Six's mouth brushes against her ear. “How'd you get so wet just from watching my fingers, hm?” he curiously asks but he's also teasing her.

She moves her eyes away from the scope and leans back, bumping his chest. She lets out a breathy moan while he inserts two fingers inside her core.

“I guess I just missed your fingers. Inside of me.” she breathes out, shifting on his lap even more and he could already feel his dick growing hard from all this.

He adds two more fingers inside her as she lets out a soft gasp, barely even feeling like it's a stretch. It's the first time he's put in more than two fingers. He's usually always so gentle and delicate with her, even though she could take it. He's not exactly being rough now, but this is still a different him that he's never shown her before. This whole situation is making him heated.

Six curls his fingers inside, hitting her sweet spot as her wet sounds fill the penthouse. She whimpers softly and her cheeks leans against his own, her hands reaching out to his arms.

“You're taking it so well, I know you would.” he praises her, only whispering it to her ear and she moans at the praise. He's not really that into dirty talk or anything with her. He usually just tells her what she wants to hear and he knows she likes being praised. But he didn't do this very often.

He pulls away from her ear and brushes her hair. “Do you just want me or do you want him to join?” Six asks her, making sure to let the other man hear him.

Lloyd cuts her off before she could even open her pretty mouth. “No. You keep doing that. But I'm not joining.” he firmly says.

Something switched in him. Reality snapped him. He felt like he was interrupting them, like he wasn't supposed to be here. He was just supposed to watch and not do anything else. Like some pathetic loser watching porn alone. He's never felt like this before. He was always in control during times like this and got whatever he wanted. Now, he just needs to sit here and accept his fate.

He wished she'd pick him more often.

She frowns, managing to turn her head to him. “Why not?” she breathes out.

He looks directly into her eyes, his facial expression turns serious. “I have work to do,” he states, sternly.

Elle huffs, rolling her eyes. “Fine. You could just watch. Until your balls fall off, maybe.” she taunts him and Six tries to hide a smile from his lips.

Lloyd scowls at her before remembering an important detail. “You know, Six has work to do too. He needs to do a debrief after this. With the agents, who are going to come in here any second." he informs them and she groans in frustration.

Six sighs heavily, glaring at him. “You didn't bother to remind me earlier?”

He hesitates. “Uh, yeah sorry. I fucking forgot. Literally just remembered.” he honestly says.

She sighs before Six pulls his fingers out from her. “Well, at least you told us before they stormed in here. Wouldn't look good.” she remarks.

Lloyd vaguely nods at her. “You should clean up. I'll order in. Anything you want.”

Elle shakes her head. “No, you choose this time. I'm always the one choosing that I'm running out of the options I know of.” she complains, softly.

He lets out a chuckle. “Because you know more than I do. I don't know shit about the food here. You do.” Lloyd states.

She glares at him before getting off Six's lap. “No, Lloyd, you choose tonight. I mean it. Choose anything you want.” she firmly tells him.

She stands up with her hand braced on his shoulder for support. “If I didn't have my strength, my legs would've collapsed after every night with you both.” she jokes with a cheeky smile.

Six and Lloyd laugh softly at the same time. She glances at between them, admiring how they're somehow always in sync together. They fight in sync, fuck in sync, and protect her in sync. These two are growing closer than they're even aware of. But, she sees it. They have a complicated and messed up bond. They understand each other. They don't fight over her. They share her together, equally and fair.

Six sighs, rising up from his chair. “Alright, I better go before—"

And, the elevator dings as it opens. They really need to set up an alarm for outsiders so they don't just barge in here whenever they want.

One of the agents step out of it and quickly searches for Six. “Hey, boss. Time for that debrief.” he informs him.

Elle and Lloyd look over at agent with a frown. Six starts to walk away from them as he approaches the agent.

“Hey, next time, fucking knock.” Lloyd scowls him, sarcastically.

He tilts his head to the side, confused. “But, how? It's not a door…”

Lloyd scoffs. “Yeah, how, dumbass? Of course by not fucking barging in here. You could've just wait for him. He wouldn't miss a debrief.” he sternly states.

The agent nods, not saying a single word anymore as he avoids eye contact from everyone in the room. He proceeds to turn around and walk to the elevator again.

Six follows him, shooting a quick glance behind while he smoothly winks at her. She knew exactly what that meant. She knows him too well. He's going to finish what he started after all this and not leave her waiting too long. He'll make it worth the wait.

Six always keeps his promises. Only to her.

[shadowedvales-a]

WHEN THE WORLD TURNS ITS BACK ON YOU, YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON THE WORLD, FROM DAMIEN WESTWOOD ;; @chaoslulled

kind nature could still prevail in the end — elle was living proof, not too far gone to be abandoned. stark features fell, mood suddenly shifted from one extreme to the next as his confession expelled. rampant fingers and a bundle of emotions; damien's words somehow energised her. woke the yearning sleep beyond crystallised eyes, killed the strain in her neck that took hours to dwindle. she was an awkward sleeper, constantly paying the price through the need to wake up early, and avoid images which visited behind closed lids. she, a girl who'd never been blessed in holy water. she, a girl shunned by those deemed cathartic. she'd have nothing if he'd continued on driving that fateful eve. they shambled on disobedient limbs, the creatures who were once just like her: human. breathing and thinking beings of individuality. before infected with death's corrosive ichor as it swarmed their veins to make uninvited homes. she might house one this very day if not for him providing a seat in his battered up vehicle.

“ you do not believe that. ” a mundane tone, like claiming something simplistic as the weather outside. there isn't questioning weaved inside speech, but in properly studying him, she realised no assumptions should be forged. light confusion overcasts tremendous desire to ask why he promoted this headspace, this alarming perspective. comprehension ran a thousand miles an hour in that head of hers which, despite growth and time endured, still struggled to make sense of particular situations. she wore worry on her wrist, bleeding among her black canvas and umber hair; elle bared a face tending to smile solely in photographs. though her courage increased in the presence of those she loved most, including damien, and all his strange comfort she has come to appreciate more than words can describe.

she never knew where the arc of belonging stemmed in her surrounding cocoon; whether peace was sought in the arms of others, or if she were better on her lonesome. ensuing all these years, elle finally achieved an answer. “ if you turned your back on me... i would not be alive. ” voice lowered an octave or two as a certain softness broke free. she persisted a hard strength in her response, telling him, opposed to letting him conjure an opinionated reaction. this was how she saw it, and the raw truth shan't sway. end of story. she watched him beneath a furrowed brow, not judging per se, merely watching, trying to read and fathom without prompting any questions. after a moments quietude beat between them, she sighed a long and rattled breath. “ the world is cruel, and... and so scary. but i do not think you will ever turn from it com— compel— ” unwarranted frustration bubbled in the throat, so she quite literally spat the word upon wrestling its pronunciation. “ completely. ”

elle gently picked up his left hand within her own, a sudden change from the slightly stubborn demeanour. perhaps his words were a passing comment, or something deeper burrowing underneath the skin... whatever reason, the child held it rather personally. no further moves attempted, she just held him with an almost lax grasp, thumb unconsciously soothing timid strokes amongst his palm. “ you are too much a good person to do that. even if you do not think it... i do. i know it. ” the index finger on her right hand pointed, jabbed at her heart to add important emphasis to pronounced declaration.

[albumstrackbytrack]

Minisode1: Blue Hour-

written from the perspective of a teenager who is "isolated and lost in emotions amid the unprecedented pandemic."The songwriting is characterized by hopefulness, loneliness, unfamiliarity, loss of routine, desperation, empathy, and connection. It explores the "conflicts of reality and reflects on the current need for a pause in real life."

1. "Ghosting"

Lyrically, the track addresses the titular phrase of "ghosting" or "being ghosted" and narrates the confusion and disheartenment of being detached from the world., In this song, we express the confusion and disheartenment of a boy who has become cut off and isolated. The person he has been talking with stops responding, and he wishes they would come back.

2. "Blue Hour" (5시 53분의 하늘에서 발견한 너와 나)

The song's Korean title (5시 53분의 하늘에서 발견한 너와 나) is a reference to the time 5:53 PM, which is the golden hour in the city of Seoul in the month of October.Metaphoric to the complex colors of the sky just before the sunset, the lyrics celebrate "the desire to revisit beautiful past memories via one's imagination."Explaining further on the theme in an interview with Elle, Soobin stated, "The scene is mesmerizing, but it's also too dark to recognize and 'know' the people around us, including our friends. There are concepts of unfamiliarity in familiar surroundings; the song expresses a message: even though we may feel solitude in these times, we will continue to hope we still feel the same way as one another., about 5:53 PM, the hour of sunset in Seoul in October. More specifically, it’s about the beauty and darkness that comes with sunset.

3. "We Lost the Summer" (날씨를 잃어버렸어)

parallelly speaks of "teenagers who face a world flipped upside down due to the pandemic." Beomgyu explained, "Many teenagers could no longer go to school and hang out with each other, passing notes, sharing earbuds, and so on. It's our story but it's still a subject that teens all over the world can relate to. It's the teen perspective and we wanted to address it through our music.", was created as we were brainstorming what stories we could tell amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. People lost routineness in their lives; people of our age couldn’t even physically attend school anymore. This song is a teen narrative about the changes in the world this year.

4. "Wishlist"

Lyrically, it portrays the story of a boy who prepares a gift for his love., is about wanting to give a special someone the perfect birthday gift, but they won’t tell you what it is they want. As everyone can probably imagine, this is really hard to figure out. I think that it’s a very relatable subject for many people.

5. "Way Home" (하굣길)

The song captures the loneliness of a boy walking back from school and emphasises the need of companionship.According to Yeonjun, the track is about "a belief that regardless of uncertainties we may feel, we will still be together as long as we remember one another.", is about the way back home from school. It’s the same path and scenery we walk through almost every day, but in this track, everything around us seems foreign and surreal like a mirage in a desert or a figment of our imagination, and we grow a little unsettled. The message of this song is that regardless of everything, as long as we continue to remember each other, we will stay together forever.

[lucindarobinsonvevo]

hey you guys want to hear about my neighbours saints row IV au? of course you do. I'm going to tell you about my Amy mission cause I think its FUN :)

so, since I assume none of you have played SRIV the basic plot is that in order to get revenge on an evil alien who blew up earth, the Boss (protagonist) must save their gang from matrix style pods where they are forced to live their worst nightmare. 'nightmare' is pretty flexible within the game. The gang is currently on a stolen ship from the aliens with pods of their own to enter and reenter the dream worlds. Now you're with me.

So, our protagonist for this story is Elle. The other main characters are Robert, Andrew, and Tash. Tash's beautiful maths mind has made her the Matt/Kinzie computer person who has limited control over the 'simulations'. Tash avoided the initial capture, and first rescued Elle, knowing her determination and put frankly, stubbornness, would make her the best candidate to save everyone else. They then saved Andrew, per Tash's request, and followed that with Robert, at Elles.

Even though Leo was the next on the list to be rescued, he's a bit harder to pin down than Amy, who is easily located. Upon entering Amy's mind, Elle, Andrew and Robert are separated into three different missions - cause there are three different Amys. All collectables are hidden in each level, and must be discovered to be unlocked.

Mission 1 - Robert. This mission takes places in a crowded shopping centre, and is meant as a renactment of Amy being kidnapped by Nene and passed off as Paul's daughter. Robert enters the shopping centre, and finds small Amy, alone and scared. Collecting her he assumes he must be looking for Paul. Speed slowed considerably by having to carry a small child, and unable to jump he needs to complete a series of platforming sections while chasing who he believes to be Paul. Robert is extremely annoyed about this, as he does not want to find Paul and believes he will not be helpful to the team. While chasing Paul, he has a series of small cutscenes of his own that can be triggered by collecting his collectable - Golden Cats. These cutscenes are all from the perspective of baby Amy, and are of people Robert doesn't know. He notes that none of these people seem to be Robinsons, but concludes they are Nene's family. Eventually he catches Paul, but it's not Paul. It's a man he's never seen before with a striking resemblance to Amy. Before he can process what this means, he is booted from Amy's mind mission completed.

Mission 2 - Andrew. This mission is based on when Amy placed a live grenade in baby Andrew's crib in 1992. Her nightmare is that the grenade could have gone off, and killed not just herself, but also Baby Andrew. In this nightmare, Amy is her 1992 self, and Andrew is a baby in his bassinet. Andrew finds it weirdly touching that Amy remembers him so fondly, and would care at all about this random memory. At first, Andrew suspects he must find the grenade before the timer runs out, and kills them. He gets several quest markers all over the 1992 living room, but only time to investigate one before each explosion. At the explosion, the scene resets. After dying three times, Andrew wonders if he should think outside the box. Andrew decides that instead of taking the grenade away from Amy, he should just take Amy from the grenade. However, this doesn't work as attempting to open the front door with make Christina yell at him. there is no way through to the kitchen to find Christina. Young Amy is distraught, but can be spoken to. Eventually, Andrew figures out that the solution to the puzzle is a series of dialogue choices with young Amy. Each successful choice delays the explosion by a few moments. Eventually, Andrew realizes that the grenade is in HIS pocket, and Amy's worst fear is not dying from a grenade, but him being angry about it in the modern day. He disposes of it through a window, and assures Amy that she was just a child that didn't know any better. When she stops crying, she embraces him and tells him that he is her baby forever no matter what. If you collect Andrew's collectable during the mission - pool balls - he will get cutscenes from his own interactions with Amy, as a baby, where she espouses how much she loves him, leaving him touched.

Mission 3 - Elle. This mission is Adult Amy. The mission starts with Elle, in a bridesmaids dress, entering a church. Amy is at the front of the certainly christian but not any kind of christian in particular, church in a recreation of Charlene's dress. She looks wildly unhappy to be there. For Elle's mission, you have to fight off hordes of Liam, Gary, Kyle, and Terese's brother as they come in waves. Elle's collectable - silver hearts - can be found in the level access cutscenes of Amy lamenting her boy troubles to a dismissive Elle. In the final cutscene, she attempts to communicate to a dismissive Elle that Leo might still have feelings for her, leaving Elle perturbed. Eventually, after taking down enough waves Tash is able to skip through several waves of enemies and unlock the boss - Leo. Initially, Elle is elated, and believes that Amy must want Leo to save her. However, when Leo turns hostile, she realizes this is not the case. Unlike the others, Leo cannot be killed, just knocked down. When Elle realizes she can't take down Leo alone, she turns to Amy, and asks if she would like to help, annoyed with her just standing there. Amy says she would but the dress is to heavy. Elle must then free Amy from the dress with her melee weapon, and she will join in the fight with a weapon of Elle's choosing. After knocking Leo down, again, Amy is able to use a grenade to explode the stained glass window behind her, and escape with Elle.

Back in the real world, Amy is picked up from the alien mothership, and brought into the fold. She doesn't remember anything about Robert's mission or cutscenes when he asks about them.

[kimmyyang]

210408 Zhang Zhehan's interview with Elle Magazine

"I want to be like Ah-Xu, be a gentle yet strong person."

On the day of the photoshoot, it was a rare windy day in Bei Hai. The weather forecast reported it will rain, which made everyone slightly heart-stricken. "Can we still take photos by the seaside?", "how about changing the location?", we were worrying, but fortunately it didn’t rain, only left with steer drop in temperature and roaring wind.

On the way to the photoshoot location, Zhang Zhehan recorded the sound of wind outside of the window. To be able to use the last bit of daylight before the sun sets completely, after filming, he only had one hour and a bit to go back to the hotel, have dinner, change clothes, and get his makeup done. And now, when we have done everything, he uses the time in the car to chat with the long-waited fans in the drama interactive zone.

Busy is an expected state. But when we saw him at the location, you can’t tell any trace of being busy from his face. The strong wind blew the gravels on the beach in the sky. During the interval of the photoshoot, everyone couldn’t help but complained about the cold wind and getting sand all over their faces. Only Zhang Zhehan looked more relaxed as if he came back from a different beach as us.

When we moved to the coffee shop, we finally had time to sit down and talk. He asked the staff to give him a cushion for his back, at that moment, it was probably the first time that made us realize that he is actually very tired. "It’s tough and tiring to be an actor, right?" we haven’t even finished the sentence, and he disagreed, "it’s all the same, every job is tough and tiring."

It seems that he has a big heart.

He chose to ride to Tibet with his friend for his graduation trip. Like his mum said he always has the spirit of seeking out suffering. Speaking of this journey, he said: "we’re living too happily, most families don’t have to worry about clothes and food, don’t need to go through a lot of hardships. I like what Huang Lei teacher once said, ‘people will only have faith after suffering, people will understand kindness after suffering.’ I think after seeing the suffering in the world and feel the suffering yourself - you will be kind to others."

After hearing what he said, you will realize that ‘big heart’ could have been a misunderstanding. He can’t dilute ‘sufferings’ more than others, instead, in the moments of ‘seeking out sufferings’, his feeling towards ‘sufferings’ is stronger and more abundant compared to most people.

He has a very meticulous side, he feels, understands, and hides his ‘sufferings’. Then, those experiences and feelings related to sufferings become something that is hard for others to spot on him.

He said, "when we’re going through a hardship, we can only see the hardship itself, you don’t realize that it’s actually reminding you something and teaching you something else." This is also his understanding of being mature – you can see the many sides of one thing.

‘Bruce Almighty’， ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’， ‘The Bucket List’ are his favorite movies. He said, "there’s a line from Bruce Almighty that left a deep impression – do you really hope God will give you happiness? Maybe everyone’s interpretation of happiness is different, but in the movie, the protagonist only realized it at the end, God was giving him happiness, but not the so-called happiness, God taught him the ability to gain happiness." He pressed his thumb again his chin, slightly looking down, earnestly sharing his impression of the movie.

He added, "you’re actually changing your perspective of the problem." Like what he wrote before, "being mature is being able to see the things that you couldn’t see before."

Maybe if the settling time is long enough, you will be able to stay calm in the change of tides and guard yourself in the quicksand under your feet. Speaking of popularity, he was calmer than we expected.

He said, "popularity is very important for an actor. I think it’s complementary, when you’re popular, you will receive more attention. You will be able to carry some things on your shoulders, first, it can prove that you have the ability, second, it can prove you’re acknowledged by the market."

He continued, "as actors, we also need to be acknowledged by the market. I have seen some amazing actors, they put so much effort into every character but maybe haven’t been acknowledged by the market yet, so they remain unknown. Therefore, a lot of great characters won’t fall into their hands.” It sounds cruel but it’s an undeniable fact. He added, “if you’re not popular, good scripts won’t even land in your hands."

The success of ‘Word of Honor’, to Zhang Zhehan, is like winning the lottery.

He said, "the success of a drama depends on timing, geographical and social conditions, none of these is dispensable. There are hundreds and thousands of dramas filmed each year, but in the end, there will only be one or two that everyone would love. That kind of feels like winning the lottery."

Working hard is very common, it’s nothing special, he thinks it’s unreasonable if you just use ‘working hard’ and ask why you are ‘under appreciated’. Just like how everyone praises him for being an experiential actor and praises his immersive acting. But he thinks, this is the passing line to be an actor, this is what actors are supposed to do.

He said, "if you’re an actor and you don’t experience the character, how could you portray it well, if you don’t get into the character, how could you make the character come to life?"

Working hard, experiencing, and immersing… he views them as a refined definition of actor, these are the preconditions of the lottery ticket. As for whether you can win the lottery in the end, no one can predict it. At least in his experience, he waited for 11 years for that winning lottery ticket.

After the filming ended, he wrote ‘jianghu, goodbye’ on Weibo, when the last episode aired, it was exactly 6 months after the last day of filming. His Weibo is on the setting of showing only the recent 6 months’ posts, as if it was a ‘long been destined’ farewell.

Perhaps the character Zhou Zi Shu is destined to be his. During the four months of filming, he had to gradually reveal Zhou Zi Shu’s two thousand layers of gray, he had to find him, become him, and lastly live the rest of his life for him.

Actors are probably all like this, they always must pour in their own life, emotions, and experience to make the character come to life. The process of making the character come to life means the actors get to experience life and emotions once again.

"Life is experience, you need to put some of your experiences into your characters."

Hegel mentioned in ‘Lectures on Aesthetics’ - 艺术通过供观照的形象可以缓和最酷烈的悲剧命运, 使它成为欣赏的对象。(thank you @sixteenthshen for providing the original quote!)

the specific lines zzh mentioned is bolded: If we are in a general way permitted to regard human activity in the realm of the beautiful as a liberation of the soul, as a release from constraint and restriction, in short, to consider that art does actually alleviate the most overpowering and tragic catastrophes by means of the creations it offers to our contemplation and enjoyment, it is the art of music which conducts us to the final summit of that ascent to freedom.

The reason why those so-called pains are endowed with aesthetic tension may lie in ‘being watched with pleasure’. Those most beautiful things aren’t been torn in our real lives, they become one ‘tearing performance’ after another, being shown on the stage, shown on the screen. The existence of aesthetic distance made ‘those so-called pains’ into something that can be bearable, having its own appreciation.

That so-called ‘pain’ experience comes more direct towards actors, there’s not much room for leeway. In his previous interview, he commented that Zhou Zi Shu is the most memorable character, the character that hurt him the most. Talking about ‘getting hurt’ again, he thinks that is unavoidable.

"I say that an actor has to get into the character and get out of character quickly. But when you’re acting in a happy scene, that happy feeling might last for a day or few days. When you’re acting in a sad, heart-broken scene, even you say it’s ok, it’s fine, it won’t affect me. But it will affect your mood, including your actions. When I go back to my room, I can’t help but to think about that scene, I might not be willing to go out and walk around."

"So, do you think acting is a process of wearing yourself out and wearing emotions down?"

"Of course, of course, of course, it’s wearing myself out." He said of course three times consecutively, "it’s not just wearing my emotions down, it also wears my physical strength out, wears my experience out, and a lot of my own things. So, if I want to do well in a piece of work, I can’t go into the next crew right after I have finished filming. Because you will have traces of the last piece of work, it’s actually hard to accept and get into the next character."

"I personally really like to stay in the filming crew, the reason why I said Zhou Zi Shu is great is that we couldn’t have any other work due to COVID-19 restrictions. I was in the crew for 4 months, in peace. I was looking into and experiencing the character carefully."

On the day of the interview, the Q&A part about acting was the most ‘unrestrained’. Every time we throw out a question, we would always get a powerful and resonating reply. From the perspective of a bystander, you could feel that he is the kind of person that is shining in his professional field.

At the end of every drama/ film, he would choose to leave that environment, and go out to have fun for few days. "I’m not insisting that I need to disengage from the drama/ film, I just want to relax, return to myself, return to Zhang Zhehan’s life."

"So, when you’re looking at Zhou Zi Shu again now as a viewer, do you have any different sentiment?"

"Of course, I would think of the funny parts and incidents. A lot of interesting bits that I’ve added in myself, you can see it in the character." Fortunately, as an actor, he can also feel the happiness that ordinary viewers have.

In our conversation, the words that he mentioned the most were 'gentle yet strong'.

"I really like netizens' comments that Zhou Zi Shu is gentle yet strong."

"The quality that I admire the most now is gentle yet strong."

"I feel like now I want to be like Ah-Xu, someone who is gentle yet strong."

"I want to be like Ah-Xu, become a bit gentler."

He thinks this seemingly contradictory combination is very interesting, "strong describes a person who is strong, whereas gentle is soft. These two words may seem to have no connection, but when they’re put together, it’s also a perfect connection."

"I didn’t feel this way before. I used to think people have to be strong, powerful, how can you be gentle yet strong? I think that’s something I need to learn now. This person must make everyone around them feel comfortable and think of others, but at the same time he/ she is also an individual who’s very strong and full of capabilities."

"Like water, it’s like this when it’s calm, it’s like that when it’s surging high."

He used as many hand gestures as he could as he wanted to express what’s on his mind as much as possible.

Gentle yet strong, this is what he saw, felt from Zhou Zi Shu, and it’s also the character experience he most wants to leave behind.

"Speaking of what hasn’t changed for 11 years, is that I’m still acting; speaking of changes there are a lot. All these years of experience, it became my understanding of each character, in contrast, 11 years of acting experience allowed me to learn a lot from my characters."

To him, every big or small character he had in the past 11 years is a mutual encounter, he gave something to the characters, and the characters also left him with something.

Those who have seen his acting praise him that he truly understands Zhou Zi Shu, so we asked how he could stand in the perspective of Zhou Zi Shu to understand his words and actions. He doesn’t think that it was understanding, it just naturally happened.

"I didn’t deliberately try to understand him, I think what he did was just following his heart, that’s how I feel, so that’s how it should be. I would ask if it was myself, can I do that? Is it acceptable? If I think it’s ok, then it’s right. If I think it’s unacceptable, I will definitely tell the director - 'I don’t want to act this way.'"

"I read another book today, the main idea is the most important thing for people is to know themselves. Know yourself, know what kind of person you are, then you will know the world. You need to learn how to reconcile with yourself, learn how to communicate with yourself, tell yourself when you need to keep going, when to compromise, when you need to understand, when you need to be strong… you need to keep being yourself and convince yourself at certain times."

Meeting Zhou Zi Shu, to Zhang Zhehan is also the process of meeting and knowing himself. "But I’m probably not as mighty as Zhou Zi Shu," he laughed.

He thinks that he’s not at the age of looking back, the things that have happened, just let them go. "There’s nothing to remember in particular, there’s nothing memorable. And my occupation, a lot of people will remember for you, they will remember your good, remember your various moments, so I don’t need to remember. What I need to do now is to live well, my current life, future life, and get into the next role."

"When I can’t act anymore, I think I will look back more."

Now, he wants to challenge a new area, "I really want to act in movies, act in more movies. 40 episodes of acting and 2 hours of acting are different, condensed acting is the quintessence. I still need to learn how to act well in the 2 hours."

And "I hope I can be a director one day."

The beautiful scenery in spring is as deep and wide as the sea, it’s fortunate that we get to meet.

"My occupation, many people will remember every moment of yours."

"Immerse into my next character, and live well - that's what I need to do now. "

Translation by: KIMMYYANG

[padawanlost]

What's Anakin's relationship with Bail?

There was no  ‘relationship’. They knew each other, they worked together a couple of times but that was it. They got along well the handful of times they worked together but Bail was closer to Padmé and Obi-wan, not Anakin. And even with Padmé and Obi-wan, he wasn’t super close, sharing all the secrets type of friend.

“Are you telling me you’re being watched?” said Obi-Wan, incredulous. “Bail—” “I know,” he said. “I’m sounding paranoid. But I’m not. I promise. So you need to keep this Lanteeb thing quiet.”  “Of course,” said Obi-Wan, nodding. “Although—I’d like to bring Anakin to our dinner meeting. He has excellent instincts and a unique perspective.”  Anakin, the wonder boy. I wouldn’t mind a closer look at this paragon. “Sure. But don’t tell anyone else. Not yet. Not even Master Yoda. All right?”[Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Grinning, Bail took down another wineglass from the wall-mounted rack beside the small window above the sink. He half filled it with some of the finest vintage his family’s vineyards had ever produced then handed it to Anakin. “To your excellent health,” he said, lifting his own glass in salute. Anakin returned the gesture. “And yours, Senator.” “Why don’t you make that Bail? This is my home, after all, not the Senate.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Bail passed around the fragrantly steaming plates, poured the wine and juice, then took his own seat. He raised his glass, his eyes warm with affection. “To friends,” he said quietly. “And an end to this blasted war.” “Friends,” she and the Jedi echoed, and drank. After that, while they ate, Bail regaled them with the latest gossip from the Senate. They laughed, they poked fun, they dredged up tales long-buried and worth retelling and for a couple of rare, precious hours the war receded. They were just four friends enjoying fine food and fine company … and pain was a dim memory from a long time ago. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Really it was too early to see Padmé, but she’d never forgive him for holding back his news of Obi-Wan and Anakin. Well—of Anakin in particular. He was almost convinced now that if her interest lay anywhere, it was with the younger man. And if that doesn’t stir up a nest of gundarks, I don’t know what will. Oh, Padmé. [Karen Miller’s Clone Wars Gambit: Siege]

“Of course not,” [Padmé] snapped. “What I want is them home again, on Coruscant, safe and sound. What I want is—” She turned her back to him, her shoulders shaking, as though she were weeping, or trying very hard not to. Stang. “Padmé,” he said carefully. “Talk to me. Whatever’s wrong, if it’s a secret it’ll stay that way. Please. Let me help.”He didn’t dare say anything more. The truth had to come from her. No matter what he suspected, she had to be the one to cross that line. For the longest time she didn’t speak. Then, at last, she turned. Her eyes were dry, her face composed and self-contained. She wasn’t smiling, but there was a warmth in the steady look she gave him. “You are so sweet to care, Bail. Thank you,” she said, her voice low and steady. […] In other words, Bail, mind your own business.  [Karen Miller’s Clone Wars Gambit: Siege]

But as he navigated the traffic streams to his own apartment, only vaguely aware of yet another glorious Coruscant sunrise, he found himself praying hard it was a yes—and praying even harder that somehow the two impossible friends he and Padmé had in common would manage to find a way out of their latest predicament. Because he did not want to think about having to give her bad news. Oh, Padmé. Dear Padmé. It’s such a big galaxy. Was there nobody else you could fall in love with? [Karen Miller’s Clone Wars Gambit: Siege]

Could Vader actually be Anakin Skywalker? the two men wondered. Based on Obi-Wan’s account of what had occurred on Mustafar, Anakin’s survival didn’t seem possible. But perhaps Obi-Wan had underestimated Anakin. Perhaps Anakin’s peerless strength in the Force had allowed him to survive. Was Bail, then, raising the child of a man who was still alive? What alternative was there? That Palpatine—that Sidious—had dubbed some other apprentice Darth Vader? That the black monstrosity Bail had seen on the landing platform was merely a droid version of Anakin, as General Grievous had been a cyborg version of his former self? If that was true, would stormtroopers like Appo allow themselves to be commanded by a such a being, even if ordered to by Sidious? The questions had gnawed at Bail without answer, and events such as the refugee march only served to place him at greater risk on Coruscant and heighten his concerns for Leia. James Luceno’s Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader

Aristocratic Organa was Anakin’s height, dark-haired and handsome, and always meticulously dressed in the style of the Republic’s Classic era, like the Naboo, rather than in the ostentatious fashion of Coruscant. But where Padmé had earned her status by being elected Queen, Organa had been born into wealth and privilege, on picture-perfect Alderaan. Mercy missions or no, Vader wondered whether Organa had any real sense of what it meant to live in the outlying systems, on worlds like sand-swept Tatooine, plagued by Tusken Raiders and lorded over by Hutts. He felt a sudden urge to put Organa in his place. Pinch off his breath with a narrowing of his thumb and forefinger; crush him in his fist … But the situation didn’t call for that—yet. Besides, Vader could see in Organa’s nervous gestures that he understood who was in charge. Power. He had power over Organa, and over all like him. And it was Skywalker, not Vader, who had lived on Tatooine. Vader’s life was just beginning.JAMES LUCENO’S DARK LORD: THE RISE OF DARTH VADER.]

[missdreamsalot]

The Queen’s Guard-CH.4: Lost and Found

A/N: Thank you @lordofhorizons for helping me through this series with your amazing ideas and suggestions.

And Thank you everyone for your continuous love and support!

Happy reading~ *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

Catch up here- Masterlist

Main Pairings: Liam x OC, Leo x OC

Future Pairings: Maxwell x OC, Bastien x OC, Drake x Olivia x OC

Series Summary: A rotten apple in the family threatens their lives and there is only one way to get rid of bad blood.

Series Warnings: Violence, Language, Sexual Content, Angst, Dark Situations, Character Death

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of The Royal Romance, or Rules of Engagement; they belong to Pixelberry. I only own my OC’s. 

Ch. 4: Lost and Found

Liam couldn’t believe his eyes. This woman standing before him- the very one he fell madly in love with- was pregnant. 

Elle backpedaled right into the man’s chest, bringing her hands to her belly. Liam couldn’t bring his eyes away from her, a million thoughts running through his head.

“Wow, Elle, is this why you were in such a rush to get home?” The man stated good-naturedly.

“Ren-” she warned.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Ren extended his arm and Liam mirrored him. “Name’s Ren.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Liam.” They shared a handshake. “I’m actually looking for Valentina.” Liam spoke a bit too hastily, blurting out the first thing that came to mind. 

“Well, you’re in the right place.” Ren grinned and motioned to the apartment, shaking a pair of keys from his pocket. “Shall we?” Elle merely remained frozen where she stood, eyes fixated at the ground. Liam wished he could read her mind, but it seemed this whole situation left her just as speechless as he was.

Before Ren can get the key in, the door opened and a little girl, probably no older than 6, stood underneath. “Hey, Felic-!”

“Ah!” she gasped and screamed when she saw Liam. The door slammed shut. “It’s the King! The King!” Her voice squealed on the other side.

Liam only smiled kindly as Ren stared at him in question. “King?” A tiny smile crept across Elle’s face, failing to fight the amusement, however, it vanished just as quickly as it appeared.

There was another voice Liam didn’t recognize and the door rattled open again, this time revealing a woman with long black hair, an exasperated look upon her face. “I’m sorry. Felicity is acting crazy.” This, Felicity, clung tightly at her side, staring at Liam.

“But I’m not crazy, mama! That’s the king, I swear!” She pointed an accusing finger at him.

“It’s not polite to point. Come on in.” she said, ignoring her daughter’s pleas. Elle rushed inside, bolting past both men which earned her a look from the woman at the door.

Ren chuckled, “Thanks, Athena, and excuse Danielle, she’s a bit flustered. If I gotta bet, it’s probably because of the king here.”

Liam rubbed his neck rather bashfully as he entered. “My apologies for startling your daughter.”

Felicity hurried back to her mother with a magazine in her hand. “See, see!” She waved it in her mother’s face.

Athena’s eyes bulged at the front cover, “Oh my god.”

“He’s here for Val.” Ren stated delightfully, unpacking the groceries.

“Wait a second.” Athena’s head shook rapidly side to side as if doing so would unscramble the mess in it. “Are you the guy she wandered off to Europe to be with? I can’t believe this!” she laughed in disbelief. 

“No, we’re not-“ But Liam’s words fell in deaf ears. 

Athena climbed halfway up the spiral staircase to the left of the kitchen. She cupped her hands around her mouth, “Hey, Val! Your boyfriend is here!”

Oh, boy, Liam thought. This wasn’t how he pictured things would go. He certainly didn’t picture Elle pregnant either, yet here she was.

The ceiling creaked overhead as weight graced the second floor. Bare, slender legs stepped down, revealing a very sleepy Valentina in nothing but an oversized t-shirt. Her hair was disheveled and pointed out in different directions. She yawned animatedly, rubbing her eyes. “Why are you yelling so early in the morning?” It was noon.

Athena snickered, “Girl, it’s 12:45, and your king is here.”

Val straightened up. “King-?” Her eyes landed on Liam.

“Morning, Valentina.” Liam greeted, his cheeks slightly flushed at her state of being. She blushed brightly at the realization and cursed, spinning back up the stairs. 

“Oh, c’mon! It’s not like he hasn’t seen anything before!” Athena yelled out. Liam could feel the heat creeping up the back of his neck. He sensed movement beside him and found Felicity there, squinting suspiciously. She was holding another magazine; on the front, Madeleine and himself happily side by side on their wedding day.

“You’re married.” She stated matter-of-factly.

“What?!” Her mother gasped, ripping the publication from her hands. “I have so many questions…And where are you getting these magazines from?”

“Daddy buys them for me.”

Valentina stomped back down, taking two steps at a time. But in her haste, she stumbled over the last step, losing her balance. Liam instinctively rushed forward, catching her in his arms. In response, she tightly grabbed a hold of him to stay up right.

Elle stepped out from the washroom to find them entangled in each other’s arms. From her perspective, Liam realized it probably looked like they were embracing. She looked shocked, but quickly averted her gaze as if she intruding on a private moment. This wasn’t helping his case. 

“Are you all right?” Liam asked.

“Yeah, I think so-Ah.” She cringed in pain. He retracted his grip on her left arm to find blood on his palm.

“Let me see.” Athena came up, gently pushing Val’s sleeve away and observing the blood-stained gauze. “I need to change it again. ‘cuse us, your majesty.” She smiled nicely when he didn’t move. He took him a moment to realize he was still holding on to Val.

“Oh, right.” He recoiled like he’d been shocked. Definitely not helping his case. He looked over at Elle, who was ignoring the scene by helping Ren in the kitchen.

“You need to be more careful, Val. It’s not going to heal if you keep doing things that aggravate it.” Athena chastised as she sat Val down.

“Yes, mother-” Val yelped, “Ouch!” Her friend purposely applied pressure to her wound. Felicity throttled over with a black duffle bag. “Here you go, mama.”

“Thanks, sweetheart.” Athena removed medical equipment from it, laying it out neatly on the granite top.

“Are you a doctor?” Liam asked in curiosity.

She answered, “A nurse, actually.” He watched as she cleansed and wrapped Val’s arm with expert precision. “Now, I’m going to recommend to you, again, that you relax. No mosh pits or punching people’s faces in, got it?” 

“May I ravish Danielle with unrelenting love?” Val asked, feigning innocence as she glanced over at said woman stuffing cans in the cupboard. Liam’s eyebrows rose as the declaration. 

“She doesn’t want your love.” Elle hurled without looking back.

“Oh, how you wound me!” Val fell dramatically over the stool, a hand on her chest. Elle rolled her eyes as Ren and Felicity laughed. Liam fought back a grin.

“Knock it off.” Athena bumped her bag deliberately against Val’s head. “As much as I’d love to stick around, I have to head out,” she said, collecting her belongings. “Let’s go, Felicity.”

“No, I don’t wanna go!” Her daughter protested. “I want to stay with King Liam.” But her wails would not stir her mother who practically dragged her to the door.   

“Your majesty.” Athena bowed comically as she passed him by, although she meant no disrespect. Felicity curtsied, which Liam found absolutely adorable.

“It was pleasure meeting you, Lady Felicity.” He grinned, kneeling down and taking her hand. He planted a kiss on top, which resulted in her eyes bulging from their sockets. She suddenly threw her arms around him. “Oh!”

“Felicity!” Her mother scolded.

 Liam chuckled, returning the gesture. “It’s quite all right.”

“I don't want to go.” Felicity expressed sadly. 

“Something tells me this won’t be the last time we meet.” Liam responded. “But until then, you must listen to your mother. Understood?”

She nodded happily. Liam waved as they left and when the door closed, Ren spoke.

“You’re all set, sis.” He proclaimed, shutting the fridge.

“Thanks…” Val turned to Elle who was standing at the island, folding bags. “Hey, how are you? How’d the appointment go?”

Elle forced a smile. “I’m fine, and everything looked great.” She looked down at her growing belly. “We just came by to drop off some food since you’ve been gone. I’m going to head back to the estate.”

“I was hoping we could talk a little bit…”

She bit her lip. “I think you and King Liam have some catching up to do, so we’ll leave.”

“Elle.” She finally turned to him as her name fell from his lips and for the second time that day their eyes connected. He nearly lost himself in them, but he forced himself to push through. “I-I came here for you.”

Elle looked back and forth between Val and Liam, eyes beginning to water. “What are you two trying to accomplish here?”

“Elle, I think he deserves to know the truth.” Val stated.

“Why does that matter?” She cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Nothing is going to change. He’s married and the scandal will always be there!” Her fingers clung protectively around her belly.

In the back of Liam’s mind, he knew there was a possibility that the baby was his. The first, and last time, they were together was the night of the coronation, 7 months ago. 

“The baby, is it…?” He couldn’t even finish his sentence, but the silence alone answered his question.The anguish that numbed his body for months poured out. “Were you ever going to tell me?!” 

She whimpered. “I-I tried reaching out to you a couple of times, but every time I would hear your voice I just couldn’t go through with it!”

The phone calls from the unknown number, Liam recalled, unable to speak from the growing tightness in his throat.

“I would remember everything that happened…” Elle wiped her face, only for more tears to fall as the memories of that unforgettable night flooded back. “How you chose Madeleine and how I didn’t hear from you for days!”

“Elle, you have to understand. I did it to protect you. I couldn’t-”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to hear any of your excuses. Ren, c-can we go please?” She stuttered. Liam wanted nothing more than to hold her tightly in his arms, to make her understand, but she wouldn’t give him the chance. She sped to the door that Ren held open for her and walked out without sparing another glance. Liam could only watch, his eyes glazing over.

Ren peeked over his shoulder, catching his sister’s gaze. “Val, I knew you were up to something, but this isn’t how you fix things.”

“The truth would’ve came out eventually.” Val said softly.

“Did you not think about how much this would hurt her and him?”

“No, I didn’t,” she confessed. “I was only thinking about the baby, and how he or she deserves to have both parents in their life. Is that such a bad thing?”

Ren sighed, “Do you still believe the baby will have that after this?” He didn’t wait for an answer, and before he turned to leave, he threw her a white paper bag. She was quick to react, catching it with two hands. “Don’t forget to take those.” He turned his back to them, shutting the door as he left.

Liam, torn between feeling elated and distraught, took a seat beside Val. “I’m going to be a father...” He muttered, cradling his head in hands.

She leaned over, crossed arms resting on the cold, granite top. “This didn’t go quite as planned.” She sighed heavily. “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, but I didn’t exactly organize things nor have I been the most reliable person as of late.” 

“You know I shouldn’t have been so impulsive and shown up here.” Liam admitted. “So, you don’t have to apologize for not telling me. I tried to take a tip from Leo’s book of recklessness, but I’m clearly not cut out for it.” He stood up.

Val stirred, looking troubled. “Are you leaving? Like back to Cortana?”

Liam couldn’t help but laugh through his sadness. “Cordonia. And no, I’m not. It’s like you said, ‘Family is important.’” He recited. “I’m not giving up.” 

She gave a slanted grin. “Glad to hear. Any luck on finding Tariq?”

“Unfortunately, no.” Liam ran a hand through his hair. “I had a couple friends of mine take a look at some places while I came here and…” He retrieved his phone from his pocket. “Nothing, yet.” He sighed, looking at the messages from Drake and Maxwell. 

“Mind if I join your search party?” she proposed.

“I don’t see why not. Are you hungry? We could stop by somewhere and meet up with the others.” He suggested. “However, I’m not familiar with L.A. Any recommendations?”

“I know a place, and it’s within walking distance, if you don’t mind it.”

“Not at all.” He smiled gently at her. Val studied him thoughtfully.  “Is something the matter?”

“No, sorry. You just…reminded me of someone.” She affirmed with downcast eyes. Before he could ask more about it, she turned away. “Anyway, let’s get going.”

Liam let out a steady breath as he stepped outside, taking a moment to bask under the warmth of the sun. He waited patiently for Val as she, in her terms, “got her shit together.” 

She eventually stumbled out, wiggling into her jacket. Liam noticed her quickly stuff an orange container inside. She caught his eye. “Just some vitamins,” she fed his curiosity and raced down the front steps. As far as Liam knew, vitamins didn’t require a prescription, but he said nothing.

“Elle mentioned an estate. Would it be too farfetched to say that it belongs to your family?” He asked as they began their walk to the diner down the street.

“Certainly not, and, unfortunately, yes.” Val pronounced dreadfully, earning a chuckle from the King. “That last thing I like to talk about is my family’s money. My father is a successful businessman and the only good thing about that is the fact that he is away most of the time - like now. He’s currently in London with my stepmother and little brother, Arden. From what I remember, he’s there formulating a partnership with Sloan Enterprises.”

Liam perked up in interest. “Really? I happen to know someone who works in the company. He’s the legal representative, Ras-”

“Rashad.” She finished for him, staring amusedly.

“I take it you know him.”

“Know him?” Val chuckled, “Another unfortunate matter is being the eldest daughter. My father tried to set us up. Suffice to say, it didn’t work out but it seems Rashad is willing to set differences aside for the sake of the company.”

“Yes, he’s always been work-oriented. He also recently proposed to a close friend of mine and he’s taken time off work in light of their engagement so they could make preparations for the wedding.”

“Well, that’s nice. I’m glad he found someone.” She paused momentarily.  “The reason things didn’t work with him was because I’d met Leo…Rashad noticed how ‘uninterested’ I was. Thankfully, he was kind about it. My father, however, wasn’t so happy. I’ve always had a complicated relationship with him, so the sentiment was nothing new.”

“Have you spoken to Leo?” Liam asked. “He’s been worried about you.” 

She snorted. “He didn’t seem worried when I saw him the other night.” Her attitude may of come off as uncaring, but Liam could tell by the look on her face she was very much bothered by it.

“Ah. I’ll admit the my brother could be an asshole, but he does care for you; probably more than he realizes. I also believe his feelings are understandable because, to be fair, you haven’t been completely honest with him either,” He reminded. 

She sighed. “I’m aware...” 

Within view of the diner, Liam spotted Drake and Maxwell waiting for them out front. Maxwell was the first to see them.

With contagious enthusiasm, he jumped forward and greeted them as they came up. “Hey! You must be Val. It’s nice to meet you.” He squeezed her tightly into a hug. “A friend of Elle’s is a great friend of mine!”

“Likewise.” She replied happily.

When Drake saw her, his eyes widened in recollection. “You!”

Val blinked for a moment before snapping her fingers energetically. “Oh! You were at Olivia’s place. Drake, right? You look different with a shirt on.” She smirked as his face reddened. “I’m also going to add that you may have some competition. I’m not going to say who though.”

Drake cleared his throat soundly. “We’re just friends.”

“Whaat? You never said anything about you and Olivia being a thing,” Maxwell pouted, clearly seeing through his friend’s facade.

“That’s because we’re not a thing. And Olivia’s a grown woman, she could date whoever she wants.” Despite his nonchalant demeanor, Liam could tell that the thought of Olivia with another man bothered him.

“I didn’t realize you knew Olivia.” Liam chimed in.

“Hardly. Ren and I helped her with a job a while back and I happened to run into to this one when I went to visit.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

Drake sighed exaggeratedly. “Can we eat now? I’m starving.” Liam clapped his best friend’s shoulder as they walked into the diner where they settled into a booth and ordered. 

While they ate, Liam caught them up on what happened at the apartment. 

Drake nearly choked on his drink. “Pregnant!?” he coughed.

Maxwell gasped, “This is great; a mini Liam and the heir Cordonia needs.”

The last part didn’t sit well with Val, Liam noticed as she grew quiet. “I would love to have Elle back, but if she chooses not to, I will not fight her on that matter.” He hoped he didn’t come to that.

“Of course. Whatever is best for her and the baby.” Drake agreed.

“That being said, finding Tariq is our main priority.”

Drake filled him in on the last places to look into. Once they finished their meals, they were back on the road and to the next destination where they eventually found themselves in front of the door to the next apartment.

“4B. This is it.” Drake confirmed. Liam knocked twice and waited for a response.

Nothing.

He knocked again and was only met with silence once more. His fingers carefully wrapped around the doorknob and he turned. When the door opened without any resistance, Liam immediately sensed something wasn’t right.

“I’ll head in first, Li.” Drake volunteered. He peered in cautiously before stepping in and the others followed one by one.

“Maxwell, do you recognize any of his belongings?”

The room was far too immaculate for someone to be living there and from what Maxwell explained, Tariq wasn’t the neatest person in the world. Liam wandered into the kitchen, finding nothing out of the ordinary except a teakettle on the stove. He noticed an empty cup on the countertop beside it, a teabag hanging on the side. He lifted the kettle. It was full.

“Hey.” Drake called out. “Take a look at this.” He pointed to a stain on the carpet in the living room. “If I’m not mistaken, it looks like blood.”

“There is shattered glass here, too.” Val proclaimed by a barren end-table. “It definitely looks like something happened here.”

Maxwell reappeared then. “Tariq was here. I checked the bedroom and recognized the designer clothes. What’s weird is that there is an outfit laid out on the bed like he was getting ready to go somewhere...”

A chill ran down Liam’s spine as despair settled into his bones.

“What happened to Tariq?”

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[goldencatchflies]

O Que O Sol Faz Com As Flores

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Rating: Teen and Upper Audiences

Pairings: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, past Elle Greenaway/OFC

Warnings: Angst, mentioned Minor Character Death

Word Count: 972

Summary: It was pretty quiet after that. She cried herself to sleep in the arms of Derek Morgan.

A/N: Again, no beta we die like illiterates! There’s quite some angst in this chapter, but it’s not that bad!

Other Links // Permanent Taglist: @pretty-b0yy, @blakes-dictionxry, @hotchnerslut, @moreidism, @abitcriminalminds, @reese-the-edgy-enby

OQOSFCAF Masterlist + Taglist: @kermitsaysgayrights

Chapter Two: Fantasies and Imperfection

With his head in the clouds, Spencer opened the door carelessly, only to be brought back by the woman standing in front of him.

“Reid?” They heard the voice of a very confused Derek Morgan behind Spencer’s back. “Who is it?”

“Hey Spence... we need to talk!” Speechless, Spencer just moved out of the way and let his former best friend in, and the shock hit Derek all the same as soon as he saw her enter Spencer’s apartment.

“Elle?” Was all Derek could say before he ran towards the woman, embracing her as tight as he could. Her eyes were red and puffy, and there were dried tears all over her face. She had been crying, that much was clear, but what she hadn’t told them is why she’s here-not that she’s had much of a chance.

Derek let go of the woman, the brightest smile plastered on his face, as he turned to look at a very concerned Spencer Reid.

“What are you doing here, and why do you look so... different?” Derek asked. The former FBI Agent was rocking a mullet, her hair dyed a lighter shade of brown, and a white button up with a black dress above to match. She held a plain black suitcase on her right hand, keeping her left on her pocket. Elle Greenaway was back home, safe in their arms, and yet she looked nothing like herself. And she certainly didn’t feel like herself either-at least not the Elle they knew.

“I um... I need your help!” She told them, looking back in Spencer’s direction.

“Yeah, of course! Anything you need!” Derek said, taking her hand in his, and she smiled fondly at him, as a single tear strolled down her face.

“So uh... what-“ Spencer started after they had settled down on the couch, “what have you been up to?” They could all hear the hurt in his voice, but none mentioned it.

“When I left, I knew that Garcia would look for me so... I had to change my appearance, my name- I had to be a whole new person...” the woman extended a hand to Spencer, “hi, I’m Marisol! What’s you name?!” She said with a broken smile.

She lowered her hand right after, and they kept talking about her.

“I moved away. To France...” she nodded, and smiled at the boys. “Yeah, it was... it was nice! I um... I met this... girl...”she swallowed hard, not daring to look at their faces. She continued after she felt Derek's hand on her shoulder- looking up at the agent though, all she saw was love, and she felt accepted.

“Her name was Lucía...” she looked at ground, tears filling her eyes once more. Derek pulled her in for a hug, and she leaned her head on his chest and sobbed softly. “She died a few months after we met...” she choked out in between sobs. Spencer placed his hand on her thigh, and tried comforting her, even though he was clearly hurt by the woman. And they stayed in a comfortable silence until Elle stopped crying.

“She was sick... and slowly... she-“ Elle stopped mid sentence, not having the heart to finish it. “She uh... she had this kid-a little boy,” she smiled, thinking back to old, positive memories “his name was Théodore, and after she... I took him in, took care of him... but- but he-“ she broke down again, and the boys shared a concerned look, before one of them gained courage to ask.

“What happened?” Spencer asked in a soft voice.

“That’s the thing, I- I don’t know! I woke up one day, and he was just... gone!” She told them in between sniffs and broken cries.

“How old was he?” Derek asked.

“Seven...” Derek and Spencer closed their eyes simultaneously, and held back tears. They knew how cases like this usually ended, and this being a personal one it would only make things worse.

“You have to help me find him! Please!” She begged in tears, hiding her face in Derek’s chest, and he just held her as she cried.

It was pretty quiet after that. She cried herself to sleep in the arms of Derek Morgan, and he carried her to Spencer’s bed, letting her rest- she need it. As he went back to the living room, he was met with a pacing Spencer Reid, fidgeting with his hands as he looked aimlessly at the floor-not really paying attention to it given that his head was miles away once more.

“Hey, hey!” Derek rushed next to the boy wonder, taking his moving hands into one of his own, the other cupping his face-making Spencer look at him in the eyes.

“It’s not fair!” Spencer cried out, “she can’t just leave our lives with no warnings- no goodbyes, and come back when she needs help, what about us?! What about what we need?!” He told the older agent as tears strolled down his cheeks, his breath quick and shaky.

“Look at it through her perspective: after... she couldn’t stay on the team-“ Derek tried to comfort Spencer, but he interrupted him.

“But Hotch wouldn’t have done anything! We’re a family, you know him, he wouldn’t hav-“

“Now! He wouldn’t now! But back then... he was tough, and he loosened up because of Elle, and because of what happened with her! She was a lesson she didn’t deserve to be!”

He pulled Spencer in for a hug, and the boy let his head drop on Derek’s shoulder. “And now she lost the only thing close to family she’s had in a long time...” Spencer knew Derek was right- but it hurt too much to admit it. So he didn’t. He stayed quiet, and they just held each other as Spencer cried into the crook of Derek’s neck.

[2p-hcmaker]

What's your personal favourite headcanon for each of the 2ps?

Oohh (´～ヾ)

 2p Italy: I like how Luciano is not always his suave and dickish nature many people see. He likes have a very specific air and he’s good at keeping it up around people unless something unexpected happens. 

2p Romano: Flavio is a lot more attentive and I like how he doesn’t call attention to it. Much like how in Legally Blond no one thought much of or paid much mind to Elle, Flavio uses this skill discreetly.

2p Germany: I like how Luther is often more of a goof than it usually seems. He’s forever a college frat boy; thinking of his muscles, girls, and dumb pranks. He can get down to work if need be, but he still has his doofy smile.

2p Prussia: Gilen being a history buff if one of my favorites. Despite living though it, he likes to see how it was from another perspective. He can wonder around a museum for a whole day, then come back the next and still manage to find something he hasn’t seen.

2p Japan: I like Kuro’s two-faced personality. Although it sucks he has it, it makes him like a chocolate candy with the fillings inside. The outside is nice, but the inside is even better! 

2p America: Like Luther, Allen is a goof ball. I have a soft spot for dummies and this idiot has won his way into my heart. Allen is the sort of dumb that I would liken to “smart, but with a common sense handicap”. He knows a bunch and is often on top of his game, but he’ll do something obviously dumb on accident, or on purpose. 

2p France: Louise is not just straight depressed. There are things he likes and when he’s doing them he feels at peace. I like that he has things he can do that keep him happy even if he thinks the world is out to get him.

2p Canada: Matt cares deeply about the planet and everything on it. It might not outwardly look like it, but he puts a lot of time into making sure things will be okay for the next generations. Building houses for people or making sure he eats ethical and sustainable foods are some of his efforts.

2p China: I like how Xiao is touch-starved. Of course, the fact of this is not good, but what he does to help fix it is cute. He tries his best to get hugs and kisses from people, but most don’t want to. (Xiao especially wants love from Kuro but there is no way that’s happening.) If he can find someone who is fine with how touchy he is, he will never let them go.

2p Russia: I like how Viktor doesn’t drink. It’s a personal thing linked to things that has happened in my life, but I like how he views it in a mature way. (Not saying that drinking is immature. If you drink responsibly, then there is nothing wrong.) He understands that he tends to loose composure and control when he drinks and instead of relying on others to keep him inline, he took it upon himself to fix the problem. The solution ended up being to not drink, but at this point he doesn’t even miss it.

2p England:Oliver cares just a little too much about everyone. He’s got a big heart that tends to get him in trouble. I like how he tries hard and has good intentions even if it tends to get him stuck. He’ll worry himself sick or run himself ragged trying to do something for someone else even if he’s been told not to.

[ladyherenya]

Books read in October

I read a paperback book for the first time in over three months months and was sharply aware that I couldn’t change anything about the way the text was displayed to make it more comfortable to read. I wondered, sadly, if I no longer like reading physical books.

Then I became engrossed in the story, and there were long stretches of time when I didn’t think about how I was reading a brick of printed paper. I turned pages as automatically and effortlessly as breathing. I think I was just out of practice.

This month’s Unintentional Colour Scheme: pink, purple and light blue.

Favourite covers: The Time-Traveling Popcorn Ball and The Other Side of the Sky. 

Also read: “Good Neighbors” by Stephanie Burgis and Tiny House, Big Love by Olivia Dade. (And half a romance novel which I disliked and have no interest in remembering or reviewing.) 

Reread: The last section of The Beckoning Hills by Ruth Elwin Harris. The middle section of Hunting by Andrea K. Höst.

Still reading: Between Silk and Cyanide by Leo Marks, and Angel Mage by Garth Nix.

Next up: The Switch  by Beth O’Leary, and Hamster Princess: Little Red Rodent Hood by Ursula Vernon.

*

The Time-Traveling Popcorn Ball by Aster Glenn Gray: A magical story of time-travel and of friendship between eleven year old Piper, who has just moved into a new house, and Rosie, who lived in the same house fifty years earlier. It’s totally charming, and exactly the sort of story I adored growing up. Sometimes that makes me wish I could send a book back in time to my younger self, but I appreciated this book’s references to things that my younger self didn’t know about. I also appreciated how, even though I’ve read similar stories, I couldn’t predict how this one would end. That was very satisfying.

The Game of Kings by Dorothy Dunnett: In 1547, Francis Crawford, the Master of Lymond, wanted by the Scottish government for treason, is back in Edinburgh. The audiobook was the perfect way to experience this! The voices the narrator uses highlights clues in the text, about who’s speaking or the subtext and emotional tones of a conversation, which helped me to follow the story even when I felt confused about exactly what was going on. I enjoyed the Scottish accents, the clever wit, the ambiguity about Lymond’s plans and motives, and the way many characters are very intelligent, perceptive people. I was interested in the historical political intrigue. I loved the twists and revelations, which are brilliant -- incredibly clever and satisfying.

“Good Neighbors” by Stephanie Burgis:  The first “fantasy rom-com” about a grumpy inventor who, along with her father, moves into a cottage nextdoor to a notorious necromancer in his big black castle. I wasn’t expecting to read about Mia stitching up undead minions, but appreciate that Burgis doesn’t take this opportunity to give glory details. This short story was fun and satisfying, and I am looking forward to when the rest of this series becomes (easily) available.

Lake of Sorrows by Erin Hart: After Haunted Ground, Dr Nora Gavin heads to the midlands west of Dublin to oversee the evacuation of another body discovered in a peat bog. The setting is fascinating and I like the atmosphere -- this has a strong sense of both place and mystery. However the multiple murders meant there’s more unpleasantness than I’d prefer. But it’s probably not enough to deter me from reading the next book.

The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams: Engrossing -- a poignant story of childhood during the late 19th century and womanhood in the early 20th century, and an absolutely fascinating insight into the decades-long process behind the first Oxford English Dictionary. Esme’s father is one of the lexicographers collecting and defining words for the Dictionary. Esme grows up with a fascination for words and begins to collect words that the Dictionary leaves out. I liked that Esme has people in her life who love and support her, but the ending is intensely sad. I’m not sure why that disappointed me. As an ending, it fits this story.

Taking Down Evelyn Tait by Poppy Nwosu: Australian YA. Lottie is furious that no one else seems to realise what Evelyn Tait, her nemesis (and stepsister) is like. Her best friend Grace is in love with Evelyn. Her teachers and her father tell Lottie she should emulate Evelyn. So Lottie decides that she’s going to do just that -- she’s going to be better than Miss Perfect. I thought this was a very realistic portrayal of a teenager’s relationships -- with family, with friends, with school and with herself. It’s amusing and, ultimately, believably positive. It captures Lottie’s perspective and her experiences in-the-moment so effectively and intensely.

Wired Love: a romance of dots and dashes by Ella Cheever Thayer (1888): Nattie, a telegraph operator who chats whenever she can “over the wire” with C., another telegraph operator miles down the line. I love stories where characters fall in love through exchanged messages. And the experiences of telegraph operators is absolutely fascinating -- simultaneously a product of the past and yet incredibly relatable from a contemporary perspective, because the internet and mobile phones mean we communicate so much through text. After Nattie and Clem meet, the focus shifts away from the telegraph office to antics at their boardinghouse, but the story continues to be fun and delightful. 

Once Upon a Con series by Ashley Poston:

Geekerella: When Elle discovers her late parents’ cosplay costumes in a box in the attic, she hatches a plan to enter a cosplay competition and use the prize to escape her step-family. This contemporary Cinderella retelling about two teenage fans of a SF series Starfield is a romance-through-messages story. Elle uses her father’s old phone, so sometimes she gets messages from people about ExcelsiCon, the convention her father founded. One message sparks a conversation -- but neither she nor Darien realise just who they’re texting. As expected, this is fun and fandom-y, and it makes the coincidences and Cinderella moments feel believable.

The Princess and the Fangirl: At ExcelsiCon, Starfield actress Jessica Stone swaps places with a fan, Imogen. Jess needs to find a mislaid script before she’s accused of leaking it, and Imogen hopes for an opportunity to promote the #Save Amara initiative. I enjoyed how they both experience a different side of fandom. Imogen discovers the pressures of being a star, when con appearances are your job, and, away from the spotlight, Jess discovers how cons allow people to come together and celebrate things they love.  My only disappointment was the way they both deceive Imogen’s fandom friend, Harper. I wish that had been handled differently.

The Little Bookshop at Herring Cove by Kellie Hailes: Unlike other books I’ve borrowed because they had “bookshop” in the title, this didn’t focus very much on books, nor did it describe its bookshop vividly. Sophie could have easily owned a different sort of shop without changing the plot, the setting or the atmosphere. This is a light-hearted romance about nice people in a generic seaside town -- not what I was looking for. I wanted more about books and a stronger sense of place.

Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly (narrated by Cassandra Campbell, Kathleen Gati and Kathrin Kana): This begins with three different women at the start of WWII -- a teenager in Poland, a newly-graduated doctor in Germany and a wealthy consulate worker in New York -- and  becomes about the Ravensbruck Rabbits, Polish political prisoners subjected to medical experimentation. Not what I expected or wanted to be reading (which is not its fault. I switched to the ebook, because I'm irrationally squeamish about some medical things and cope better when reading to myself). This story is compelling and does a good job of showing how the pain and trauma didn’t just end with the war. And it’s incredibly important to keep telling stories about distressing parts of history. 

The Other Side of the Sky by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner: More or less the sort of story I expected from these two. Nimh is the Divine One in a world of magic and prophecy. North is a prince in a floating city of science and engineering. Nimh believes the gods fled into the sky thousands of years ago, and North believes no one still lives down on the surface… until he crashes his glider. I enjoyed this but don’t feel any emotional investment -- yet. I will read the sequel.

Spoiler Alert by Olivia Dade: April and Marcus keep fandom separate from their professional lives -- April to avoid negative comments, Marcus (an actor) to avoid violating his contract. So when Marcus sees a cosplay photo of April online, he doesn’t recognise his friend, he just sees a gorgeous woman getting nasty comments and invites her to dinner. I was hooked. As a romance, this didn’t always focus on the things I most wanted it to, but I understood why it made those narrative choices and liked how the characters resolved their mistakes. And I really liked it as a story about fanfiction and the way we tell stories in response to other stories.

Big Love, Tiny House by Olivia Dade: Lucy goes on a Tiny House Hunting show and drags along her best friend Sebastian. I’ve watched countless tiny house videos on Youtube, so it was fun to see tiny houses depicted in fiction -- although I was disappointed that all the houses are so disastrously bad. Beyond that, I have no strong feelings one way or another about this romance novella.

Memento: an Illuminae Files novella by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff (narrated by a full cast): A bonus prequel, set aboard the Alexander prior to the events of Illuminae. The audiobook is so well done! Even though this is a short story/novella, I cared about the new characters it introduces -- I really like the epistolary format and how it requires the reader to fill in some of the gaps for themselves. (I think that’s part of why I love The Illuminae Files but so far have no strong feelings about Kaufman and Kristoff’s latest series.) And it’s always interesting to see more of AIDAN.

[veinereastath]

hi there again (I'm the anon from the Eredin age ask, btw, thank you for the answer!! I like your theory). i wanted to ask one more thing - how did you play around with pairing aen elle with a human? not that I have something against it, hell naw, but I'm wondering whether making Rhan a human was somehow important for your plot, or did you just decide it for no bigger reason?

I like your questions, Nonny! I really do~

~ Also, sorry in advance - this is a long answer. I wanted to make it short, but.. I guess I usually go to far with asks, probably because I’m just too excited, duh.

Okay, first things first - pairing Aen Elle with a human is sick. :”) To some extent, I presume. I would never go for it if not for the canon Lara Dorren x Cregennan of Lod story, because that gives some mild suggestion that, technically, such a relationship is possible. Even more interesting, the romance between them was more bothering for humans than elves, so it’s also a little point for my evil little abomination that I created.

About how it started - I created Rhan (or, actually, loose concept of her) in late 2015 / early 2016 [I started my journey with this universe in September 2015 where I played Witcher 3, and after finishing it I swallowed the whole saga by Sapkowski in less than two weeks]. Fun fact - she was an elf at this point, Aen Elle, actually, with a totally different backstory than what we have now. But me, being me, always digging human x elf / demon / whatever the hell you can come out with relationships - it wouldn’t work, it was too boring for me, so I scrapped that early concept and started nibbling, slowly and lazily, at something new. I think that the first ideas that are actually what Rhan is today started appearing in my head during summer vacations in 2016 (gosh, why am I giving so many pointless details, sorry anon).

Let’s get back on the grid - the main problem I have with Eredin is that he’s one of that characters that doesn’t have much screenbooktime. The whole Tir na Lia plot takes about 40 pages I think, and Eredin has maybe 15 pages in total. It’s not much when we have 5 books + about a dozen or so smaller stories [and Season of Storms, but it came out much, much later]. But what I could pick up was that:

Aen Elle are a fucked up race, and that’s a fact, but, honestly  - 90% of the Witcher universe is either genocidal, racist, or both, or worse,

Eredin is genocidal and racist, and, even more... complicating, the whole "Ciri in Tir na Lia” plot puts Eredin, Avallac’h and Auberon in position of rapists, because putting a woman in someone else’s bed without her permission is rape,

he’s that lovely, dark and highly intelligent manipulative type. :”)

It’s quite a feat, because everyday I get around 3-4 new little ideas for their story, but only 1 at best makes it to the “next step”, because there are many things I have to consider - first is, 98% of soft and fluffly things just won’t work with Eredin. They just won’t, but somehow I’m fine with that, I was never a fluffly-tropes kind of person. Second is, Rhan x Eredin relationship is difficult on every level: the race difference is obvious, but there is also age, for example, and all the time I have this little devil in the back of my head reminding me of the “the old, kinda supernatural being falls in love with a young woman” trope: *cough* Twilight *cough*. The worst thing that could happen is making Eredin OOC somehow. But that’s always the biggest fear when shipping OC x canon, I presume.

So, in order to make myself feel better, in nearly every piece of story with them I write I put that huge doubt, mostly on Rhan’s side, how the hell this could work and her little panic when after some time she realizes where her feelings are going, because while Aen Elle x human might have indeed a chance of happening again, even after Lara Dorren x Cregennan, it’s still wrong on nearly every level. When that Aen Elle is Eredin, it’s even worse.

The very definition of “falling in love” itself also kinda feels weird when Eredin is taken into consideration, imo, so that’s another thing I have to live with every day (but hey, I love suffering, so it’s all good, right).

Moving on - I decided that if this is supposed to work, Rhan should probably be as most non-human human as I can, while still somehow keeping that “humanity” in her, because... If I wanted to de-human her entirely, why not just make her an elf and be done with it? That’s why I decided that while yes, she was born on Skellige and is 100% human, I will put her in Brokilon, make her live and learn from the dryads, and then put her right in the middle of Scoia’tael to give her the deep understanding of elven culture and way of life. The final effect is that while Rhan is human in terms of how she looks like (no diamond-cutting cheekbones in her, baby~) and tends to show a more fiery side of her temperament here and there, she behaves like an elf in about 85% of the case - to make it more “real” I added small headcanon things that could potentially fit elves, at least Aen Seidhe, the way the greet each other, thank eatch other for help, share their emotions etc., so after just a few days Eredin realizes “well, she’s human, but she does not behave like one, and does not move or fight like one”. It’s barely a deal for him at this point, but it’s the first, microscopic step towards moving their relationship onto some normal ground.

Another thing - this relationship could not happen fast. While Rhan is a sorceress and, indeed, has an increased lifespan thanks to magic, she is still a human and the biggest human thing in her is that she perceives time like humans do - every minute, hour, week is important to her, while Aen Elle can wait decades and not be too much bothered by it. So something long and lazy from Rhan’s perspective would be a blink of an eye for Eredin, especially since I stick to that headcanon that he must be at least 300 years old - at this age elves are pretty much done with everything, they’ve seen nearly everything, and they just don’t care that much about time, and they get quite bored with each other (sex-wise, as Avallac'h said to Geralt in Tower of The Swallow).

Though, on the side note, the books heavily suggest that Eredin is, indeed, impatient; something that kinda costed the Aen Elle losing the Elder Blood and Auberon at the same time, because he would probably live if not for Eredin’s hasty attempt to speed things up.

Huh, what else could I say... Ah, right, time. I wanted to mention that I made their relationship take a long time to just go from “you’re just a trophy” to “you’re tolerable” to “alright, I consider you to be a living being and slightly appreciate what you’re doing to Aen Seidhe elves in your world” to “I respect you” to “I would not die for you, but I would kill for you”. I’m still not entirely sure how much time I want it to take, but one decade is an absolute bare fricking minimum. Recently I’m kind of going more into putting it into a span of 20-25 years, actually. And it’s still not that much for Aen Elle elf.

What else... Ah, to figure out how the hell would Eredin even consider taking her alive, instead of killing her on the spot after she got trapped in Tir na Lia for the second time (in case you don’t know - I gave Rhan a highly unstable magic; she can’t create portals, because they always throw her to the place that is full of powerful magic, and doesn’t care for worlds barriers - and Tir na Lia is literally full of it), I went with the very long and tiring chase sequence; Rhan was able to run away for 5 days before she got captured, with barely any sleep available at that time, to kinda give this whole thing a vibe of an exciting (for Eredin, that is) chase, that is something new and interesting after the routine that is unicorn hunting / raiding human villages. The Raven Haired Bastard managed to be slightly, just sliiightly impressed by how long she was able to play this game, slipping from his riders by mere inches. Slightly. But that’s already some kind of a start to make it at least somehow believable. At least for my mind and my imagination.

And yes, I know he chased Ciri as well, but in her case it was a matter of life and death, because Eredin needed her blood, it was a matter of survival of the whole race, not chase for fun. In case of Rhan, it's more of a free-time challenge, a hunt for a difficult, but not that important prey. Aaand I don't like Cirilla, but that's another thing, yikes

... God, it was not supposed to be this long, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t make it shorter. And there are still probably things that I would like to mention, but just can’t think about them right now.

 

Moral of the story is - I dig complicated, dark and difficult relationships. I always go for them. Well, in 99% of the case.

[katieskarlette]

Shadows Rising: A Reaction Post

Short, mostly non-spoilery version:  I liked it overall.  I give it a solid B, maybe a B+.

I was disappointed in how little Nathanos and/or Sylvanas content there was, but I think proclamations of the ship’s doom are premature.  

I’m intrigued by the first rumblings of new character development for certain characters, especially Anduin, Alleria and Turalyon.

I was rooting for Talanji so much.  She’s great. Zekhan is a cinnamon roll too pure for this world.  Sira was kind of boring. Fairshaw is so darn heartwarming I can’t stand it. I like Bwonsamdi more now. The lack of Wrathion is unsurprising but unfortunate. Nothing new with Tyrande but she’s already poised for major development in Shadowlands.

Much longer, spoilery version below.

This ended up being more of a ramble than an essay, but there’s a lot of disjointed thoughts pinging around in my head, so let’s dive in.

Overall, I enjoyed Shadows Rising.  Was it the best book ever?  No.  Not even the best Warcraft book ever.  But it was an enjoyable read.  It’s always a treat to get into the heads of characters we mostly know in passing from in-game events.  There are internal, emotional beats that cannot easily be explored in the game, and the books are a way to build the world and the characters in a more introspective, slow-paced manner.  I like that.  (That’s not to say there are no action scenes, because there definitely are.)

Talanji, Jaina, Zekhan, and Anduin were all written well and sympathetically.  Maiev’s only in a couple scenes, but she felt off to me.  Nathanos was very in-character, in all his snide, sour glory.   Flynn and Mathias are great together.

The pacing was fine.  The descriptions were good, and it all felt grounded in the game world (i.e. landmarks, ambiance, the ridiculous amount of stairs in Daz’alor...)  Each of the Horde leaders got a moment or two in the spotlight.  Despite a fair amount of chapters about Anduin, Alleria, Turalyon, and Jaina, it still felt like a Horde-centric book to me.  Not that that’s a bad thing.

Prologue:  Gayness detected on page 8!  And it’s even something I kind of inadvertently predicted.  In my reaction post for Before the Storm I wrote, “ In this book alone, it would have been so easy to have that blacksmith bringing a helmet as a gift to his long-lost Forsaken husband instead of friend.”  That’s basically what we have here.  I don’t know if they were married, and neither were blacksmiths, but the Westfall moonshiner describes one of the Forsaken slain in Arathi as “the best man I ever knew and loved.”  Tada!  See how easy it was?  Add Jago x Wilmer to the growing list of LGBT rep in Azeroth.  (Even if they’re super minor characters in the long run, it’s still great to see.)

There might be some kind of parallel to be drawn between Alleria failing Anduin (by not finding/killing Sylvanas) and Nathanos failing Sylvanas (by not killing Bwonsamdi) but my brain is too overloaded from binge-reading to articulate it right now.  Both failed their king or queen, but both were also given nearly impossible tasks. 

Alleria and Turalyon are definitely being set up as antagonists.  We are clearly supposed to side with Jaina on this, and be uncomfortable (if not outright horrified) at their torture methods.  It’s especially disturbing how they use their respective void and light powers to accomplish their goals.  I mean, on one hand it’s great that both sides of the great cosmic divide can work together, and their marriage seems stronger than it was for awhile there, but yeesh...can you not torture people?  I know, ends justify the means, slippery slope, greater evil, blah blah, but still...that’s not okay.  It’s yet another sign that the Light is not necessarily good (or the void necessarily evil).

I welcome conflict within the Alliance, though.  That’s been the Horde’s thing for long enough.  Time to see how the blue side deals with its rifts.

In chapter 2 Nathanos is annoyed when a dreadtick flies by his head.  What, was it too similar to a bird for his liking?  Heh. 

All that time in Nazmir, and we didn’t get to see a single crawg!  Harumph.

It took three chapters and 39 pages to finally get something from Nathanos' perspective, and he was much more scarce going forward than I had hoped.  The bits we did get from his perspective were great and in-character, but I wanted to get into his head more.  Most of his scenes were from the POV of Sira or the troll villain instead, and while Apari was a good character I find Sira to be pretty one-dimensional. 

I kind of got paternal vibes from Nathanos toward Sira, though.  He was like, “I’ve been undead a lot longer than you; I know how to handle the bloodlust and such.  Get it out of your system at appropriate times but learn to control yourself.  There’s more to (un)life than slaughtering people.”  She herself, though, was just “Rawr, I hate everything and want to kill anything that moves.”  I mean, I get that she’s been through some traumatic stuff, but I didn’t find myself invested in her at all.

Page 42, as a bunch of trolls are about to be slaughtered:  "Hungry birds circled, expectant of a big meal, and Nathanos so hated to disappoint."  WHAT?  Nathanos wanted to do something nice for BIRDS?  I know, the phrasing fits with his dry, sarcastic sense of humor, but considering the running joke about him hating birds, it still made me go, “Huh?”

Chapter 5 (and later on, as it turns out):  Zekhan having a soft spot for kids is too precious for this world.

Page 51:  Thalyssra's eyes were "sparkling as she gazed across the room at Lor'themar."  Awwwwwww.   There was a surprising amount of ship fodder in this book overall, with Lor’themar x Thalyssra, Turalyon x Alleria, Fairshaw, and Zehkhan x Talanji all getting a moment or two (or more.) 

Chapter 6:  Anduin says, "Turalyon, take Alleria Windrunner and investigate these deaths."  You know, Alleria...YOUR WIFE?  I don't think you need to say her last name there, genius. 

While I’m being snarky about the editing, there were at least two times where the word “grieves” was used instead of “greaves.”  I spotted a couple other little things that a better editor (or one with more time, maybe it was rushed, I don’t know) would have caught.

Chapter 7:  More matter-of-fact LGBT inclusion for minor characters, this time a lesbian troll couple who want to marry.  Yes, thank you Blizzard, keep it up.

Chapter 8:  If you’re going to make the “Zappy Boy” nickname for Zekhan canon, having Bwonsamdi be the one to wink at the camera and use it was a great decision.  I can totally imagine him saying it.

We learn the name of Varok’s wife/Dranosh’s mother:  Remda.  Although I read elsewhere that the vision Zekhan saw of the Saurfang family in the afterlife was just Bwonsamdi’s B.S., it was still cool.

Chapter 13:  Nathanos wearing cologne?  Love it.  And it’s not even to cover up the rotting smell, because apparently his new body doesn’t stink like some undead; it just doesn’t smell like a living person, either, and some find it unnerving.  So he wears cologne.  That’s such a delightful little detail, and surprisingly considerate of him.

Sira complaining about bugs:  "We'll be eaten alive."  Uh no, you'd have to BE ALIVE for that to happen. Tsk.

Nathanos being called "the pale rider" makes me think of old cowboy movies.  Like, “You greenhorns better clear out; the Pale Rider is comin’ to town and there’s gonna be trouble.  Go wake up the sheriff.”  

Sira says that while on the voyage to Zandalar the dark rangers liked to tell the tale of how Nathanos was promoted to Ranger Lord by Sylvanas.  I'm surprised he lets them gossip like that!  His quests in vanilla made it seem he wanted to keep those parts of his past on the down-low, at least from the player.

Chapter 14:  Thrall's second kid is Rehze.  *blink*  Reh-zee?  Rez?  Ruh-zay?  I guess she’s not named after anyone.  After he named his son Durak (sort of after Durotan) I assumed he’d continue the pattern with kid #2.  Maybe she’s named after one of Aggra’s relatives.  (Later I read on Wowpedia that the author actually said she dislikes the “fan service” trend of naming children after other characters so she just picked a random orcish name.  I don’t think it’s fan service, because lots of real-life people do it, but okay.  Fair enough.)

Speaking of orcish names, there’s an orc page helping out the council named Gunk.  Like, what you clean out from under your fingernails after gardening.  Gunk.  LOL

Aww, that’s no fun...Maiev's wearing a cape trimmed in white fur, not daggers.  What happened to her impeccable/deadly fashion sense?

Chapter 16:  Zekhan starting to clap at Talanji's speech and then stopping and shrinking back when he realized no one else was applauding was so freaking adorable.

Chapter 17:  Fairshaw, full steam ahead!!!  Their chemistry is everything I hoped it would be.  Learning a little about Flynn’s tragic past was both fascinating and heartbreaking.  (We learned his mom’s name: Lyra Fairwind.  R.I.P.)

Chapter 18:  Proodmoore keep has a gallery with floor to ceiling oil paintings of the Proudmoore family, extended family, and beloved friends.  It now includes Anduin.  I can’t help thinking that, in a different timeline, Arthas’ portrait would have been there.

Will wonders never case?  Ji Firepaw actually gets to do stuff!!!  GASP!

"Thrall understood that to other humans Wrynn was said to be pleasing-looking, but to the orc, Anduin simply looked like a small, pink boy swallowed by clunky armor."  So it’s canon that Anduin is good-looking in-universe.  But LMAO at Thrall’s description.

Chapter 22:  From Shaw’s POV, "These odds ranked pretty low...  Maybe just above the time he had relied completely on a shoddy network of spies embedded in a cheese business."  OMG leave Elling Trias alone!  He did his best!  LOL

Shaw wanting to hang out in a mountain meadow and whittle bird calls (perhaps even with a special someone) was so touchingly normal.  That’s the kind of characterization that the books are so much better at than the game.

I actually like Bwonsamdi more after reading this.  Not that I disliked him before, but I didn’t have a strong sense of him due to not playing Horde as much in BFA.  He’s a well-done gray character:  not good, not evil, insightful but a smartass, part of the great cycle, out for himself but also taking his duties seriously (saving troll souls from the Maw.) 

I’m not entirely sure that we needed as much from Thrall’s POV as we got.  I mean, sure, he’s a familiar character with ties to a lot of others, so it was easy to drop him into situations, and his ties to Jaina made cross-faction communication easier, but he didn’t seem as relevant to the lore of Zandalar and the Shadowlands as some other characters.

Maiev seemed OOC, especially in the Stockades scene.  I know one of the themes of the book was “people change,” and I suppose I should be happy that she has a more moderate viewpoint nowadays, dialing back the Lust For Vengeance Meter from eleven to maybe a five or a six, but it didn’t feel like Maiev.  Especially because her message of “maybe don’t go overboard with this vengeance thing” was aimed at Tyrande, of all people, someone who Maiev has had quite legitimate reasons to dislike for a very, very long time.  I could see her maybe mellowing out a little in front of fellow Wardens, but Tyrande?  Eh, it didn’t feel right to me.

No surprises from Tyrande in this.  She’s still steely cold, vengeance-obsessed, consumed by anger.  Not that I blame her, but it’s not healthy.  I know we’ll be exploring her situation more in Shadowlands, so this was more of a reminder/reinforcement of where she is right now.  It was kind of funny how Thrall, Baine and Calia tried to talk to her and she just gave them the stink eye and the silent treatment, though.

I’m fine with Anduin exploring his dark side a bit more, as long as they don’t go overboard with it.  I like him as an earnest, good-hearted character.  It’s only natural to test your limits, though, especially in times of crisis.  Power corrupts, and he’s got plenty of it, both politically and magically, so I can understand Jaina and Mathias being a bit uneasy.  Add to that the increasing themes about the Light not being as benevolent as we originally assumed, and there’s potential for interesting plot there.  In the end I want Anduin to stay firmly on the side of good, empathy, compassion, etc., but a deviation into the shadows along the way isn’t a bad thing for the story.

I imagine every single person who read about Anduin sneaking off to the Lion’s Pride Inn in Goldshire smirked about that place’s reputation on certain RP realms.  I was surprised he didn’t find scantily-clad elves and draenei dancing on the furniture.  And then it turns out Jaina was there, too.  Awkward!

Why, oh why couldn’t we have had a scene with Anduin and Wrathion hanging out (incognito, of course) in a tavern?  That was their thing in MoP, and now with Anduin desperately wanting to get away from his duties for awhile and soak up some tavern ambiance it would have been perfect.  Let Anduin show off the best taverns Stormwind has to offer.  Even though Wrathion was as much a guest at the Tavern in the Mists as Anduin was, he acted like he owned the place and Anduin was his guest, so let them turn the tables and have Anduin play host.  There could be jokes about how he better not punch Wrathion again or they’ll get kicked out for starting a bar fight.  They could have still seen the young recruits, ran into Jaina, etc.  But Anduin really needs a buddy to hang out with right now.  

And you can’t tell me after Nya’lotha fell Wrathion just disappeared again and never at least visited Stormwind to tell grandiose tales about how he stabbed an Old God, it was so heroic, and he wasn’t scared at all, and those mean adventurers were so quick to believe he’d been corrupted, but he hadn’t, and did you know Azshara was there?  And then N’Zoth almost won but KERPOW LAZERS and oh Anduin you should have seen it, etc. etc. etc.

I should be used to being disappointed about Wrathion’s absence by now, but there are SO MANY MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!

Sigh.  Moving on.

Being exposed to spoilers meant I wasn’t fooled by it, but it was still a deft bit of writing to have the dark rangers drink poison when cornered by Horde soldiers, then mention Nathanos having a vial in his coat, which he drinks when defeated--making the unspoiled reader assume he’s killing himself--only for it to be a kind of liquid hearthstone attuned to Sylvanas.  Had I not known that he survived the book I would have freaked out there.

So, like, was Bolvar just sitting there on the ground awkwardly eavesdropping while Sylvanas and Nathanos talked/argued?  Or did he use that time to sneak away unnoticed?  LOL

Which brings us to the epilogue that’s caused so much hand wringing and wailing from my fellow Blightrunner shippers.  It wasn’t the openly sentimental interaction between them that I had hoped for, but I honestly didn’t read it as the doom of the ship.  A bump, at worst.

[If you’re not interested in the relationship between Nathanos and Sylvanas, or if you’re one of those people who simply hate his character, you can skip the rest of this post.]

First of all, Sylvanas had just broken the Helm of Domination.  That was a hugely significant thing to do, both for her personally and in the cosmic scheme of things.  Her state of mind at that moment had to have been in a turmoil.  So if she was a little distracted and tense, I think that’s quite understandable.

Second, I saw other fans being upset that she threatened/wanted to strike him.  That’s not how I read it at all.  “Sylvanas could strike him, scream and hollow out his soul, but it would not correct the failing.”  She’s not saying she wants to do that, just that she could.  The instinct to lash out in violence is ingrained in all the undead; death knights have to do it or they go mad.  So for her mind to go there in a moment of high emotion seems natural to me.  She doesn’t actually attack him or verbally/physically threaten him.  People say things like “I could have killed my brother for eating the last slice of cake” or “I could’ve strangled my co-worker when she spoiled the ending of the movie” and it’s not literal.

Third, she doesn’t say “go away, I never want to see you again.”  She says “Go where you will, Nathanos, but do not be idle” and “I expect you will return to me with means to prevent [Bwonsamdi’s] meddling.”  So essentially she’s saying, “Fine, go home, regroup, come up with Plan B, and if it’s not possible to destroy Bwonsamdi at least concentrate on countering him.”  Also note that she still considers the operation to be theirs, not just hers:  “This was a blow, but one she felt sure they could overcome.”  That tells me she expects to work with him in the future.

Fourth, and granted this is before she learns of his failure, but she’s clearly happy to have him there when he first arrives.  “’My champion,’ Sylvanas purred.  ‘Your timing could not be better.  Tell me of your victory as we take these first steps together.’”  She wanted to cross into the Shadowlands with him at her side.  Hell, that���s bridal imagery...crossing the threshold together, and all that.  The only reason she tells him to go is because his work isn’t done and she still needs him on Azeroth.  But she explicitly says “I expect you will return to me.” 

Fifth, in the line from her POV about how “the unjust ladder of their lives must be dismantled,” the “they” she’s referring to is all of the denizens of Azeroth, true, but I think there’s also a tinge of bitterness there as she looks back on her own life, and her life with Nathanos.  Destiny has not been kind to either of them.

Sixth, she says “My path lies ahead” as she prepares to cross into the Shadowlands.  It’s a reminder of the scale of the forces she is trying to manipulate.  When faced with the potential fates of all the souls in the universe, her own regrets are insignificant.  She can’t stay on Azeroth any longer, even if some part of her does want to just chill out on a beach somewhere with Nathanos and watch his blighthounds chase seagulls.  She thinks “It would not be easy, but then, her mission required great sacrifice.”  Like leaving him behind.

Even this part can be interpreted different ways:  “She heard the note of hope in his voice, fragile as a fledgling dropped from the next.”  Putting aside the humor of comparing bird-hating Nathanos to a fledgling, we don’t get a value judgment about the comparison.  Sylvanas doesn’t think about him sympathetically, wanting to protect him in a vulnerable moment, but she also doesn’t think, “Geez, what a pathetic weakling.”  It goes back to that bit in Warbringers about how she can’t kill hope.  And she can’t.  Here, again, no matter how bleak things are, no matter how displeased she is at his failure, he still has hope.  And she needs that, whether she believes it or not.

When she “flicked her fingers, as if ridding herself of a speck of muck” that can be interpreted as her thinking of him in a derogatory way, but she was also talking about Bwonsamdi in the same breath so I can choose to believe that’s who she was being dismissive of.

I don’t know.  I get that some of the language is discouraging.  She describes him as having “blubbering lips” and she’s definitely not happy with him.  But these two have been through a lot, and their bond has remained strong.  I’m sure this isn’t their first fight, or the first time he’s disappointed her.  This isn’t the end for them.  Just another bump on a very long highway they’ve traveled together.

...

OMG this has turned into a monster of a post, rambling all over the place.  I hope it’s coherent enough to follow.  I’m just in lore overload at the moment (and enjoying every second.)  I know I’m forgetting things I wanted to talk about, too, but I’m going to go ahead and post it as it is.

[tracybirds]

Mainly a Scott and John story, an interview unearths some unpleasant reminders of a childhood event. It was short and then EOS got involved and now I’m a little obsessed with writing her, it’s FUN!!

One wip down.... like seven to go xDD Hope you enjoy!

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“Once more, we’d like to thank the Tracy brothers for generously donating their time to speak with us,” said Casey Powell, her winning smile trained on the camera.

“Well, it was a pleasure to speak with you,” said Scott. “We decided early on that our priority would be the safety of those in danger. We’re thrilled to help raise awareness for civil defence across the globe.”

“Yeah,” interjected Gordon. “Because the more you can do to help yourself, the less likely you’ll need us.”

“I do notice that we’re missing the elusive fifth member of International Rescue,” said Casey. “What can you tell us about them?”

“John?” said Scott. “There’s no one better in a crisis.”

“And trust me, if you’re in a crisis you want to be talking to John,” said Virgil. “He does lot of work redirecting calls to local response teams who have their own expertise in their environment. So, as it stands, you’ll only hear from him if it’s a true emergency.”

“Brain like a supercomputer and the calmest person you’ll ever meet,” said Gordon.

“And he’ll never give up on you,” piped up Alan.

Scott nodded approvingly. “He’s not only our rescue coordinator, he also works with a lot of communities in disaster prone regions on improving their civil defence infrastructure and policies. So he’s really the most qualified to be here today, it’s a shame he couldn’t make it.

“It’s always so interesting to hear such a fresh perspective on John Tracy,” said Casey. “My own research was less than forthcoming.”

“Yeah, well, he likes his privacy,” said Scott. “Probably wouldn’t be happy we mentioned any of that, he keeps things pretty quiet.”

“An intriguing comment,” said Casey with a smile. “Particularly as I tracked down a number of his peers from graduate school. He was generally described as rather distant and uninterested in social connection. And this from a group of physicists!” She gave a tinkling laugh. The brothers did not.

“In fact, the only mention of John Tracy aside from old school records are a few scarce research papers which indicate he has a formal relationship with Canterbury University in New Zealand. That’s quite a distance from your Kansas base, isn’t it now?”

“And what of it?” demanded Gordon.

“Well, to the untrained eye, on paper it would appear that International Rescue has a rather large rift in their ranks. How can you claim to possess the unconditional trust required to fulfil your mission, when your own brother refuses to care for…”

“That’s enough,” barked Scott. “Speculation on the nature of our working relationship with our brother is not what we are here to discuss.”

The world watched as three younger brothers straightened from their relaxed positions. The command in Scott’s voice and the disdain in Casey’s was enough for their eyes to grow alert and their shoulders to be squared up in defence of their absent brother. The world couldn’t know that a fourth brother, high above, did just the same at the bite in Scott’s voice.

He swiped at the screen and shut the video off with a clenched jaw.

“John?” asked EOS softly. “Your systolic blood pressure appears to have risen to 128 mmHg. Should I begin assistive monitoring?”

John kept his eyes closed as he organised his thoughts. Anger at Casey Powell, irritation at Gordon for rising to her bait, and fear. Fear that she of all people could be right. What was he doing sequestering himself away from the very people for whom he cared more deeply than any other?

No, he thought to himself. I made the choice to be here to help people. She doesn’t know a damn thing about any of us.

“John?” prompted EOS.

“No, I’m fine,” said John, exhaling deeply. “What’s the status on that Californian wildfire?”

“All people evacuated from the area. Authorities are still discussing strategy but forecasts for the firefighters indicate minor casualties only.”

“Shift them down to Category Two,” said John, turning back to his array and immersing himself in the weather projection modelling he was working on to ascertain the risks of cyclones in the Pacific Tropics. “Let me know if their status changes.”

***

Scott paced back and forth in the living room, his brothers gathered together. “I can’t believe what sort of nonsense they’re saying. Don’t they know how much you do for us?”

John crossed his arms and looked at him irritably. “Of course they don’t. We don’t advertise it with good reason. And I’m not sure why you’re surprised really,” he said with a touch of acid in his voice. “Uncaring, distant John, must be a robot, let’s take him apart and see what makes him tick. This isn’t exactly new territory for me.”

Gordon and Alan looked between the brothers with wide eyes.

“This has happened before, John?” asked Gordon cautiously.

John started and looked down at Gordon in surprise as though he’d forgotten he was there. He shook himself and the laser-sharp focus returned to his eyes.

“It’s not important,” said John. “Alan wasn’t even born, you were just a kid at the time,”

“AND SO WERE YOU,” roared Scott. John flinched backwards and raised a hand as though to end the call before catching himself. He looked over at Virgil uneasily.

“Scott.” Virgil lay a warning hand on his shoulder. “This isn’t John’s fault. That Powell lady cornered us because she thought she had some dirt on International Rescue. There’s nothing more to it. We know she’s an idiot. Don’t make this personal.”

Scott took a steadying breath and his shoulders sagged. “Sorry John,” he said. “Just, sorry you had to see it all live.”

John shrugged. “At least you all gave me glowing feedback. Think I could get a raise?”

Alan let out a shrill giggle and clapped a hand over his mouth. “That didn’t happen,” he said, reddening as he looked around at his brothers.

Gordon laughed as he leaned over to ruffle Alan’s hair. “Aww, the kid’s got a cute laugh.”

“Get lost,” said Alan swatting at him. Gordon aimed a kick at the back of Alan’s knee in retaliation.

Ignoring the squabbles of the younger two behind them, Scott and Virgil moved closer to the hologram.

“Look, if you wanted, you could come home for a day or two,” said Virgil, quietly. “I know that this is small fry compared to what used to happen, but I don’t want the isolation getting to you.”

“I agree with Virgil,” said Scott with a nod. “You do have a tendency to brood.”

“I-I do not,” spluttered John.

“You’re the broodiest McBroody of them all,” said Gordon, dunking Alan’s head before joining the older brothers. “Get down here John, otherwise we might have to take Casey Cow-ell at her word and launch an investigation.”

A muscle twitched in John’s jaw. “We’re not doing this now,” he said, and cut the connection.

“Well that was abrupt,” said Gordon looking up at Scott. Scott was still staring at the place where their brother had been, eyes narrowed and unsmiling.

“Alan, prep Thunderbird 3,” he ordered. “Virgil, take Gordon anywhere that’s not here.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know when I’m not wanted,” said Gordon, rolling his eyes. “Come on Alan, let’s go.”

“Alan, do not prep Thunderbird 3,” said Virgil, a low warning tinging his voice.

Alan paused at the door, looking uncertainly between Scott and Virgil. He nodded quickly, before hurrying off after Gordon.

Virgil didn’t move. “Scott, you’re reading too much into this.”

“He hung up on us,” exclaimed Scott, whirling around to face him. “He’s pulling away.”

“Yeah, because Gordon was being a pain in the ass,” said Virgil with a snort. “Come on, I’m worried about him too but that wasn’t an out of character response by any means.”

“We have to go up there,” insisted Scott.

“What, you and Alan?” asked Virgil. “He’ll never forgive you if you drag Alan into this.”

“Then, I won’t bring him, you and I can go together,” said Scott. “Virgil, we have to, I can’t let him down again.”

There was an uncomfortable silence in the living room.

“Have you considered,” said Virgil carefully. “That this isn’t about John?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m just saying,” said Virgil, raising his hands in defence. “You’re a lot more upset over this than he is.”

Scott looked at him, a mutinous expression flitting over his features. Scott was used to commanding a room, used to things going his way. But when his brother dug in, he knew it was useless to rage against him. Scott was a storm, but Virgil was unyielding beneath his mild demeanour and he knew how to outlast the fury.

“Give him twelve hours, and then call again. Without Gordon and Alan there this time, what were you thinking?”

He huffed irritably under Virgil’s calm scrutiny.

“Fine.”

***

It was not fine.

Tracy Island had fallen silent in the early hours of the new day, and Scott tossed restlessly in his bed.

His mind turned over the events of the day, unable to let them go long enough to rest.

“Research not forthcoming, I should have shown her where to shove her damn research,” he muttered into his pillow. “Who the hell is getting off telling her that crap?”

He thought back to the long suffering holocalls John had made with them during his undergraduate, calls interrupted by his roommate who seemed to think he had a scholarship in partying, the way John had always cringed away from the hands trying to pull him out the door. How in graduate school, he’d gotten his own apartment and they pretended not to see the way his eyes closed in relief when they’d all finished helping him move in his belongings.

Scott didn’t even want to touch on his memories at eleven, of finding John crying silently under his bed with a split lip and bruises all along his left arm. Of having to drag him out and clean him up and see him lie to their parents for weeks about where the pain was coming from. Of sitting on the sidelines and watching. Forbidden first by a brother and then by his parents to interfere.

He flung over and poked at the display screen hovering above the bedside table. The blue light of the clock shone bright in his eyes and he groaned at the thought of another four hours trapped in his room.

He had to act now.

“John?” he called in a soft voice, trusting his brother to hear him through the comms system, hoping he wouldn’t ignore his call.

John was falling nearly thirty-six thousand kilometres above him and it should take less than half a second for a response. Scott gave him ten.

“John?” he called again, sharper this time and more impatient.

“Scott Tracy?”

“EOS?” Scott blanched at the sound of her voice and pulled himself upright and turning the light on. He had never given her more than a customary greeting before, and even that had been the reluctant result of a baleful glare from John. He didn’t like the idea of having this conversation lying down in the dark.

“John is unable to respond,” she said simply. “May I be of assistance?”

“What do you mean unable?” asked Scott. “What have you done?”

“I have done nothing,” she said. Scott knew her voice was that of a machine but he didn’t think he imagined the chill in her tone.

“John is resting.”

“Oh,” he said, feeling foolish.

“Yes,” she said. “Despite the rotation of the Earth producing a standard sidereal day of twenty-three hours and fifty-six minutes, I was told it was a long day.”

“Twenty-three hours and fifty-six minutes, huh?”

“And four point one seconds, if we’re being precise. And I am.”

Scott couldn’t help but laugh. It was exactly the kind of non-joke his brother might have made.

“Careful EOS, he’ll remake you in his image,” he said.

“I think not,” she said, primly. “I’ll remake myself before he gets access to my programming.”

“You probably want another sense of humour at least.”

“Well, I want his. You can’t make me take another,” she said, and Scott stopped laughing abruptly.

There was a beat of silence before EOS spoke again.

“Your pulse has spiked.”

“No, shit,” said Scott, weakly. “You have no idea how terrifying you are, do you?”

“I understand your logic behind that statement but not the emotion.” EOS paused. “It is not an irrational fear.”

“You mean you’re planning–”

“I am not planning anything, Scott Tracy,” she said, dropping back into a monotone. “I was merely referencing the historic fear of robotic industries and artificial intelligence.”

“John showed you ‘I, Robot’, huh?”

“Amongst others. He made me understand why I had been hunted.”

“Right.” Whether showing a sentient AI famous examples of how to destroy humanity using robots was a good idea or not, was a discussion to have with his overly optimistic brother another day.

“You still have not stated whether you require assistance,” said EOS, interrupting his thoughts. “By your casual attitude to this conversation, may I assume it was not urgent?”

“Oh, right,” said Scott. “I was just checking in, I guess. Virgil told me to wait twelve hours but I couldn’t sleep. Guess I’m used to him being awake at stupid o’clock.”

EOS was silent, long enough that Scott wondered if she had cut communications now she was satisfied John would not need to be woken. He turned the light out.

“You are worried about John?” she asked, pausing carefully between each word.

Scott started in surprise.

“Yeah, I am.”

“He will not hear this recording,” she informed him. “I have encrypted it and will remove all traces of it from Thunderbird Five’s systems.”

“You’re worried too?”

“I am not sufficiently advanced to generate my own emotions. But he has acted in variation with past iterations of our evening routine in the last eight hours. I would like to know why.”

“Do you not know what happened? I thought you followed him everywhere up there.”

“I have limited information. I saw his reaction to Casey Powell’s interview. Then I saw his behaviour following your earlier call. There are certain restrictions to my observations of John. He can choose to deny me entry to any number of places. And he locked me out.”

“Do you have to stay out when he does that?”

“Well, no,” she admitted. “But I choose to. It is a section of the subroutine he has titled respect and it overlaps with another he calls privacy.”

“Isn’t this in breach of that?”

“I am a branch of self-editing artificial intelligence. I can choose to disengage any aspect of my programming as it suits. Do you always choose to take part in the social etiquette of good manners? It is an algorithm designed to produce desired human behaviours, yet you are no more bound to follow it than I.”

“Good point.”

“I would like you to discuss this with John. I would like your permission to be present.”

“Well, wake him up then.” Scott regretted the rash words the second they left his mouth. He hated to be the one to wake John up, knowing his sleeping routine was much more precarious than the rest of theirs.

Fortunately, EOS refused him just as quickly.

“My observations show that a conversation in person is the most effective. I will lower the space elevator and lock the controls. No-one will be able to access them but myself.”

Scott swallowed audibly. His life would be in EOS’s virtual hands and questionable morality. But he knew his brother needed him. He was certain of that fact.

“You are apprehensive. I have new programming that prevents lethal action against members of International Rescue. I wrote it myself.”

Scott could hear the hint of pride in that statement, clear as the sky above. He almost smiled, but the gesture snagged itself on one final fear.

“Didn’t you say you could choose to ignore your programming?”

“Yes,” said EOS simply. “But John tells me humans have a special subroutine to help deal with high levels of uncertainty. He calls it trust.”

Scott exhaled slowly and nodded.

“I’ll meet you in the hangar.”

***

Scott bounded through the airlock with a weird feeling buried in his chest. Technically, there was no difference in visiting Thunderbird Five during the daytime or the night – the sky was always an inky black and the lights remained on. There was only one person who lived on board, so there was no reason to eye the empty corridor with any caution or suspicion. It all looked very normal.

“Welcome Scott Tracy,” said EOS behind him, and he jumped as he caught sight of her whirring mechanism from the corner of her eye. “I kept the gravity on for you.”

“Yeah, thanks for that.” He knew he was openly staring, but it was the first time he’d gotten to see EOS up close without the blue filter of a hologram between them.

“John will awaken in seven minutes,” she said. “Would you like some breakfast?”

“I, uh, sure,” he said and jogged after her as she spun and glided towards the galley on the other side of the station.

“John keeps cereal and bread for visitors,” said EOS, and Scott watched as the relevant cupboards opened in front of him.

“What, no bagels?” asked Scott, with a grin.

EOS hesitated slightly before responding. “John keeps cereal and bread for visitors,” she repeated.

“Okay, I take the hint,” said Scott, pulling out the cornflakes. “You know EOS, you’re smaller than I expected.”

“That is because you have made the mistake of assuming my entirety is contained by the camera array you perceive me to be. I assure you, I am much larger in virtual space and it would take a much bigger entity to contain me.”

“You need to talk to John about how to put people at ease instead of just being honest,” said Scott. “Got any milk?”

It was an odd experience, to be awake in what felt like an early Wednesday morning and to look down and see the planet falling away from under his feet as the gravity ring revolved about the station’s core. It was odder still, to be eating dry cornflakes with a personable computer who still had cause to remind him of all the ways he could die horribly if a malfunction were to occur. They were chatting pleasantly about the levels of ‘need to know information’, when the swish of the doors announced John’s arrival.

“Morning EOS,” he said, groping blearily at the wall.

“Good morning John,” chirped EOS. Her voice was pitched higher that usual and Scott had to wonder if she had consciously incorporated the change to mimic the inflections she heard in John’s own speech patterns. She sounded just as guilty as the time John had tripped and landed directly on top of Alan’s newest gaming array.

John heard it too and he peered at her. “What did you do?”

“Nothing of concern. We have a visitor.”

“A what?” John spun around and looked outside. “I don’t see Thunderbird Three?”

“Over here, John,” called Scott. He waved slightly and chuckled at the look of astonishment his brother gave him.

“How did you get here?”

“Same way as you did,” he said with a grin.

“You let EOS bring you up in the elevator?” John asked sceptically, raising an eyebrow. “That’s new.”

He looked thoughtfully over at EOS before turning to pull out a bagel from a seamless cupboard in the wall. “When did you two become buddies?”

“Oh, last night,” said Scott airily. “It was nothing.”

“Scott contacted Thunderbird Five at 2:51AM, local time,” said EOS. “I detected an decrease in defensive body language at 2:57AM. Then he agreed to relinquish control to me.”

“I didn’t relinquish anything,” Scott grumbled. “Don’t go taking liberties just because we’re playing nicely.”

“Of course not,” said EOS, the ring of lights flashing blue.

“Well, why are you here?” asked John, settling next to him with his own breakfast. “What can I help you with that a holo couldn’t fix?”

Scott gaped at him. “Do you not remember yesterday? Has the radiation finally gotten to your brain?”

“I remember yesterday just fine,” said John, rolling his eyes. “I was just hoping that you’d done the sensible thing and gotten over it already.”

“Gotten ov– John, did you hear what she was saying.”

“Very clearly, in fact. I just don’t care.”

“How can you not care?” demanded Scott. “Even EOS was worried.”

“EOS is not omniscient. She doesn’t have the full story.”

“Then tell it, John,” said Scott, throwing his hands into the air. “You seem to forget who had to spend all those years picking you up again and I’m terrified that I might have to do it again.”

“What do you want me to say?” said John impatiently. “Yes, she got under my skin yesterday. But I’m an adult, I know she’s just looking for a story. Easier to attack someone who isn’t there to defend themselves. And from the outside, she’s right – the world thinks we’re based in Kansas and I have very public ties to a university in a country in a completely different hemisphere. They’re meant to think I live there, they’re meant to have an easy explanation for why I’m never seen with you. We did that on purpose, remember, so no one would think to look for a giant fucking space station.”

Scott sat stunned for a moment.

“In case you haven’t noticed, you’re getting upset about someone picking up the red herrings that we deliberately laid out for them to follow. So excuse me, if I think you’re overreacting.”

“But yesterday,” stammered Scott. “You hung up on us.”

“Yesterday,” said John, slowly. “Yesterday you chose to yell at me for something I never had control over, in front of Gordon and Alan, and then Gordon decided to be an idiot because he has the emotional sensitivity of a sprat. I’d had enough.”

“I didn’t mean to shout,” said Scott, shamefaced. “I got caught up in the moment.”

“I know.”

The brothers were silent for a moment. Scott tried to swallow the cornflakes in front of him, but they turned to cardboard in his mouth.

“I just didn’t want to let you down,” mumbled Scott.

John looked over at him in surprise. “You didn’t. You shut her down and got everyone back on track. I spoke to Virgil last night, the global civil defence discussion went viral and governments and councils are making sure our recommendations are incorporated into their action plans. Not to mention, the number of calls EOS has had to field after you mentioned the regional work I do.”

“I feel like you shouldn’t have to defend yourself to do that.”

“I don’t. But neither do you.” John sighed. “Scott, when are you going to see that what happened to me as a child wasn’t your fault? I don’t need to be protected from the bullies out there. I haven’t for a long time.”

“I know it wasn’t my fault,” snapped Scott.

“But you blame yourself anyway,” said John, patiently. “You think you should have seen it sooner, should have retaliated when you found out, should have done something about it.”

Scott was silent, stubbornly refusing to admit that John had hit the nail on the head.

John huffed irritably as the silence extended. “Fine, how do you think it should have gone, back when we were kids?”

“Mom and Dad should have let me tear them apart,” muttered Scott. “You have no idea how much that hurt John, to see your kid brother collecting bruises like they were stamps and being told to stand aside and do nothing.”

John’s hand fell upon his shoulder. Scott wiped angrily at the tears that were spilling onto his cheeks.

“This is stupid,” he muttered. “You got hurt way worse.”

“It was different though,” said John. “It was just physical and let’s face it, that’s not the worst I got as a kid. I got more scrapes and broken bones from falling out of trees. Remember when I got glass in my eye?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” said Scott making a pained expression. “You freaked everyone out with that one.”

“Yeah, but I got to choose the new colour,” said John, cheerfully. He sobered as he glanced over at Scott who was not laughing. “This is what I mean, Scott. You couldn’t have prevented that anymore than you could have prevented this. You can’t protect me forever.”

“Watch me,” said Scott immediately.

“No,” said John. “I won’t. You’ve got to let it go. No sense in holding on to something that caused both of us pain twenty years ago.”

Scott mulled it over. “I don’t think I know how.”

“I’ll put you in touch with some people,” said John with a nod. “We’ll work it out.”

A beep interrupted them and John looked over at EOS.

“There is an incoming call from Tracy Island,” she said promptly.

“Put it through,” said John, standing abruptly.

“John!”

“Hey Virgil, what’s happening.”

“We need you to activate Scott’s GPS,” he said worriedly. “He’s turned it off. We can’t find him anywhere, but all the jets and TB1 are still in the hangar. Kayo’s having a field day.”

John looked over at Scott, a half-smile twitching on his lips. “No need. I have eyes on him.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” said Virgil. “Where is he?”

“On Thunderbird Five.”

“Thunderbird Five?!”

Virgil’s squawk was echoed by a shout from Kayo, who wrestled the comm away from Virgil.

“You let him know that when I next see him, I am going to throw him into the next century,” she said, fuming. “What the hell is he doing up there?”

“Needed a chat. Making nice with EOS. Avoiding Gordon. Two of those are true.”

“You let him know, John Tracy,” she repeated and John shut off the connection with a laugh.

“Any chance I can finish your rotation?” asked Scott who was looking rather pale.

“After I just laughed in Kayo’s face and hung up on her?” asked John, incredulously. “I’m only that brave because I know she can’t reach me here.”

“Well, at least buy me some time.”

“Sure,” said John, smiling properly now. “EOS, take him through the ‘To Do Eventually’ task list. I’ll talk to you later.”

“This task list is comprised of everything John has asked me to remind him to do,” said EOS, her lights flickering to a cheerful yellow. “The first task is to teach me about aspects of humour.”

Scott grinned as John wandered off. “Oh he is so going to regret this.”