#and I also think the idea that the only way I could lose to loop is ON PURPOSE makes for an interesting exploration of things

[ottisbuns]

I always find concepts hinging on Loop winning the 2hats duel so funny because they are always extremely fascinating concepts and explorations of character.

…but also my experience fighting Loop was so monstrously one-sided that I cannot fully take it seriously.

My Dear Beloved Star. My Worstie. Love. Light Of My Life That Shines Straight In My Fucking Eyes. My Reflection. Loop. My regen craft outheals your damage and it's not the only healing I have. I can, and have, killed you from full health with one Craft. I don't think you are winning this one.

[psychopomp-namine]

.

[mariasont]

hi bby, i also have another idea! <3

it’s a song inspired fic with spencer or hotch and bimbo!reader and how they are in the office when they first get together and maybe some moments before they do!!

the song i was thinking of is birds of a feather by billie eilish and you can choose either hotch or spence bcuz i can’t decide, lol

anyway ily and i’m so glad you’re doing better and it’s so lovely to see you here again!! <33

BIRDS OF A FEATHER - S.R

a/n: i just need you to know you are literally the backbone of my fics i swear!!! ur requests are always my favorite <3 but anyway ilysm and i'm so happy to be and so happy to fufill your request, i hope you like it!! :)

masterlist

pairings: spencer reid x bimbo!receptionist!reader

warnings: clingy!reader, dramatic gf calm bf best duo, established relationship, tooth rotting fluff, idiots in love

wc: 1k

You'd lost count of how many times you'd checked the clock. Five days without Spencer felt like an eternity. You weren't sure how people survived long-distance relationships. 

You’d tried everything to distract yourself. A true crime documentary had seemed like a good idea, something to make you feel like Spencer was still close, in that nerdy, FBI way of his, but it turned out to be too scary (and okay, a little boring). You’d spent most of it hiding behind a pillow, silently debating whether the narrator’s voice was creepy or just British.

All you could do was scroll on your phone and pout at the clock, wondering if maybe, just maybe, you'd somehow willed time to speed up since the last time you looked. Spoiler, you hadn't.

By the time you heard the jingle of keys outside the door, you were practically vibrating with excitement. You shot off the couch so fast you nearly tripped on the blanket you'd be wrapped in all night. 

The lock clicked, and there he was, Spencer, with tired eyes and messy hair, his satchel hanging limply off one shoulder like it weighed more than he did. He looked exhausted but perfect, the way only Spencer could.

"Spence!" you squealed, launching yourself at him before he could even get through the doorway.

"Hi," he murmured, wrapping his arms around you as you buried your face in his chest. He smelled faintly of coffee and something antiseptic, but underneath it all was that comforting, familiar scent that was just him.

"I missed you, too."

You buried your face in his chest for a moment, breathing him in like you could bottle the feeling and save it for later. Then, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes, you gripped his jacket tightly.

“You better have. I’ve been losing my mind waiting for you.”

Spencer’s lips twitched into a tired smile. “Losing your mind? Sounds serious. Should I be worried?”

"Definitely," you said, nodding earnestly. "I've been so bored, Spence. I started talking to myself, like, full on conversations. And I'm not as smart as you, so they weren't even good conversations."

He chuckled softly, his thumb brushing slow, soothing circles against your hip. “I’m sure they were better than you think.”

You stepped back and began tugging his jacket off, shooing him toward the couch. He followed without a word of protest, letting you fuss over him.

“You look so tired, baby,” you said, plucking his satchel off the floor and setting it aside. “Did you eat? You better have. I should’ve made something, but I didn’t know when you’d get here, and I got distracted, and —”

Spencer's hand caught yours, making your mouth snap shut. His fingers were warm, and the way they curled around yours was enough to make your brain go fuzzy for a second. 

"I'm fine. Really."

“You don’t look fine,” you said, wrinkling your nose at him. “You look all…” You waved vaguely at his face. “Work-y.”

“Work-y,” he echoed, his lips twitching into a small, tired smile.

“Exactly,” you said, nodding as you plopped down beside him and immediately curled into his side. Your arms looped around him, holding him tightly, as though he might vanish if you let go.

Spencer let out a soft sigh, leaning into your touch. 

“You’re very clingy tonight,” he teased, though the way his arm came up to pull you closer told you he didn’t mind.

“Obviously,” you replied, pressing your cheek against his shoulder. “I haven’t seen you in forever. I missed your face. And your hair. And your nerdy little brain. Especially your nerdy little brain.”

He laughed quietly. “My brain missed you, too.”

“Good,” you said, tilting your head to press a kiss to his jaw. “Because I’m not letting you go anywhere for at least... three days. Maybe four. You’ll just have to solve crimes from here.”

Spencer hummed, his fingers continuing their gentle movement. “I’m not sure the FBI would agree to that.”

“Then they’ll have to fight me for you,” you said with a dramatic huff, crossing your arms. “Honestly, I could probably take Hotch in a fight. He doesn’t look like he’s had a good night’s sleep since, like, 1999. One shove, and he’s done for.”

Spencer laughed, his chest shaking against yours. “You’d shove Hotch? I think that’s a violation of multiple workplace policies.”

You grinned, tilting your head to look up at him. “It’d be worth it. You’re way more important than some dumb policies.”

“You’re terrible.”

“Terribly in love with you,” you said, your grin widening as you leaned forward to nudge his nose with yours. “Now, scoot over. I’m not comfy enough.”

Before he could ask what you meant, you were already moving, shifting to climb into his lap with zero hesitation. Spencer blinked in surprise, but his hands instinctively came up to steady you, one resting on your waist while the other settled on your thigh.

“You could’ve warned me,” he murmured, though his lips quirked into a small smile as you tucked yourself against him like a human blanket.

“Where’s the fun in that?” you teased, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning your forehead against his. “Besides, I missed you too much to sit all the way over there.”

Spencer let out a soft, breathy laugh, his nose brushing yours as he adjusted to your weight. “You don’t think this is a little excessive?”

“Excessive? No. Necessary? Yes.” You kissed the tip of his nose, grinning when his cheeks flushed a faint pink. “You’re my boyfriend, Spence. This is part of the job description.”

He shook his head, but the way his arms tightened around you gave him away.

“Love you,” you said in a sigh, nuzzling closer to him.

“I love you too, angel,” he said. His hand moved to cup the back of your head, his fingers threading gently through your hair. “I love you more than I can put into words.”

Spencer let out a long breath, his head resting back against the couch as his hands stayed comfortably on your waist. 

“You’re not falling asleep on me, are you?” you teased, though you didn’t move an inch from where you were nestled against him.

“Maybe,” he murmured, his voice low and a little gravelly.

“Good,” you whispered, your cheek pressed to his. “That means you’re staying right here.”

He didn’t answer, but the way his arms tightened around you was more than enough.

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[coquelicoq]

how to write a sympathy card

so someone you know recently lost a loved one and you would like to extend your sympathy, but you have no idea what to say. here are some ideas to get the juices flowing. i did not even try to keep this short, so i've broken it up into four sections: general advice, what to include, some example cards i've written, and takeaways.

general advice

first, if you're reading this i'll assume that you have decided to express your sympathy in some way and just don't know how. the thing about doing this is it will always feel inadequate. it will often feel very awkward. you may be worried that everything you say sounds weirdly insincere even if it isn't. i'm here to tell you that that is all okay and normal and to be expected. i've written a lot of sympathy cards and afterwards i've never been like "wow, i nailed it!" and yet i've gotten a lot of comments from people thanking me for showing up even when all i did was send a measly insufficient card, because most people don't do that. it will mean something to the person that you did it at all, even if it's not perfect.

should you send your sympathy in a card or some other method? if you never send mail, if you don't have their address, if you don't even own stamps, maybe sending a card is not for you. but everything below also applies to an email you could send. i personally prefer a card because i like the physicality; it's something they can keep and look at later if they want to, and it's a way of showing a small amount of deliberation and care (i went to the store and picked this out; i sat down and handwrote this). more importantly, i feel like there's less pressure to respond to a card than an email, and a phone call can be overwhelming to someone who is already dealing with a lot of shit, while a card is just there whenever they feel up to looking at it. but that is entirely my own perspective; there are differences culturally as well as personally. you should do what makes sense for you.

do think about what you're trying to accomplish by sending this card. you may not be able to make things better, but you are certainly trying not to make things harder. one example of this might be: if your friend has just lost her mother, you might have a lot of complicated feelings about this that aren't really about your friend or her mother specifically (you also have a mother!), and that's natural and okay, but those feelings would perhaps be best to share with other friends of yours who didn't just lose their mother. another example: it's okay to be worried about your friend and how they're doing, but try not to imply that they owe you updates or that they're causing you a lot of stress by not keeping you in the loop. (of course, if they are instead sharing more with you than you can handle, it's important to set boundaries around that! though probably not through the mechanism of a sympathy card.)

it is okay to keep it really short and generic. again, i think just the act of thinking to get a card, getting a card, writing something in it, and mailing it already means something regardless of what is written in it. if you feel overwhelmed trying to figure out what to say, it is okay to keep it to "I'm thinking of you in this difficult time. I'm so sorry for your loss." i also sometimes add "I don't know what to say, except that [I'm thinking of you, etc.]."

one thing i've learned that makes this harder is that you cannot assume you know how anyone else feels. you may be thinking, "i also lost a parent, so i know how it feels," but you only know how you felt about it. there are infinite ways to feel about losing someone, including:

sadness for the deceased, that their life is over

sadness for themself, that the deceased is gone

sadness for the other people who lost the deceased

fear of their own mortality

fear of dying in the same way

fear of how their life is going to change without the deceased

relief that the deceased is no longer suffering

relief that their caretaking duties are over

relief that the deceased can no longer mistreat them

anger at the deceased for dying or for not doing something before they died

anger at god

anger at others/self for contributing to their death or not saving them

overwhelm from all the logistical things there are to deal with when someone dies

overwhelm from all the emotions

confusion at their own reaction

guilt for outliving the deceased

guilt for not feeling sadder or for feeling other things in addition to sadness (or for being numb/in shock)

this is an incomplete list!!!

i try not to project onto my friend or put words in their mouth, because it can be very isolating to be told how other people think you should feel if that's not exactly how you feel. because you're sending them a sympathy card, there is some baseline assumption that there is something to feel sympathy about. but beyond that i try to be careful not to get super specific about how "you must be feeling" or how hard "this must be". generally i try to avoid the word "must" because it implies that there is a certain way this is supposed to go, when there isn't.

if i know that they are struggling in some way but haven't talked to them much about it, i personally usually feel okay saying "Loss is hard" or "It's hard to lose someone", which might seem similar to "This must be hard", but avoids the word "must" and the direct reference to their situation ("loss" in general vs. "the particular instance of loss you are experiencing"). if i don't know much at all about how they're doing, i might say "Loss can be hard", which presumes even less, or i might not directly mention the difficulty of loss at all.

but also, it's okay to be more specific and personalized if you have been in contact with your friend as they've been processing the situation. it's good to acknowledge specific feelings that they've told you about, but try to also leave room for other feelings and/or ways their feelings might have changed.

what to include

here are some categories of sentiments you may want to include (all optional!):

thinking of you: even though it's kind of self-evident that you're thinking about them, this is something that is always appropriate to say and always nice to hear. examples: You're in my thoughts. I'm thinking of you often.

wishing you comfort/support: comfort and support are very safe things to wish somebody because they don't assume anything very specific about how they're feeling, and they express care for their wellbeing without putting pressure on them to be fine. I hope you can find moments of comfort in the coming days. I hope you're feeling supported by friends and family.

sorry for your loss: this is one of those things everyone knows is a stock phrase, but it's the kind of stock phrase that imo actually communicates something, so i do generally use it. I'm so sorry for your loss.

my heart goes out to you: this stock phrase is a little iffier, meaning it can be kind of a toss-up on whether or not it will sound insincere. it might depend on how close you are to the person. use your discretion. again, even things that sound insincere to you can still mean a lot to the recipient. My heart goes out to you. My heart is with you.

i'm here for you: offer logistical and/or emotional support if you want to and if you're reasonably sure that you could provide it. if you're able to be specific, that can be very helpful; one thing that can be overwhelming in the aftermath of a loss is dealing with lots of people wanting to help and having to come up with ways for them to do that. Please reach out anytime if it would help to talk about it. If you ever need to be distracted, I'm good at that! I'd love to bring over some food/help out with chores and errands; I'll text you to see if that would be helpful and not disruptive.

prayers: if you and the recipient are both religious/spiritual and it feels right to say, you could say "I'm keeping you in my prayers" or similar, in addition to or in lieu of "I'm thinking of you." if you are religious but the recipient isn't (or you're not sure if they are), i suggest not saying this, but use your judgment. some people don't mind hearing that someone is praying for them even if they don't believe in prayer and may in fact expect you to say it if you are known as someone who often expresses care through prayer, but for others, this can be actively offensive. i would say when in doubt, stick to "thoughts" instead of "prayers". You're in my prayers. I'm praying for you.

there are many ways to grieve: this one is harder to describe, but i like to include something that validates whatever the recipient may be feeling, despite not knowing how the recipient is feeling. the downside of a card is that it's not in real time, so you really have no way of knowing how your friend is feeling when they read it, even if you talked to them previously and know how they were feeling during that conversation. so i like to, in addition to not assuming any particular emotions, make space for the fact that their emotions may be shifting in ways that are confusing or distressing. but you have to be kind of vague about it, because you don't even know if that's happening. I hope you have the space to grieve in whatever way you need to/is meaningful for you. I hope you're getting through this time in whatever way is best for you.

you may want to express your own grief over the loss of this person, if you knew them. i think this can be comforting for the recipient to hear, but i suggest keeping it brief and not overwrought. the last thing you want is for your friend to feel they have to manage your emotions in addition to their own. if you can, do the below instead of or in addition to this.

now i will share my LIFE HACK!! for the very best thing to put in a sympathy card. this will not always be possible, because it relies upon a) you yourself having a relationship with the deceased (which is not always the case) and b) you being able to remember things (which i often cannot, especially when i'm sad). but if you can, i highly suggest something along the lines of the following.

say what you will remember the deceased for. (I will remember them for their wry sense of humor. I will remember them as a compassionate/driven/curious person.)

give an example of a memory you have of them in which they exemplified that characteristic.

if you can't do both, it's also good to do just one and not the other. if you have a favorite memory but it's too hard to think of adjectives to attribute to them, just share the memory. if you tend to think of them as [positive adjective] but no specific evidence is coming to mind, that's okay, this isn't a debate. in general it is comforting to people to know that they are not the only ones who will remember their lost loved one.

example cards

i will now give some examples of cards i've written. these all feel really awkward and inadequate to me, and you can see i didn't always stick to my own advice! but they were all deeply appreciated.

[to my coworker. i didn't have much detail except knowing her dad had been in the hospital a lot, and she was sad that he died]

I was so sorry to hear about your father. It seems like the last few years have been hard on your family, and loss is especially hard. I hope you are able to take the time you need to be with your family and cherish your memories of him together.

[to my friend's mother after the passing of her husband. i knew from talking to my friend that her mom was struggling especially with outliving him, because she was sick and had expected for a long time to die before him]

I'm thinking about you and [friend's name] a lot. I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing someone is so hard. Adjusting to their absence is, too. I hope that you're finding moment of comfort and feeling supported by friends and family. He will be missed. I will remember him for his wry sense of humor; I still have a "card" from him on my fridge (he cut out a sample "thank you" card greeting that said "The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention" from a list of things to write in different kinds of cards (a sample message for a "Get Well Soon" card was on the back, crossed out) and simply added my name at the top and his name at the bottom. It's one of my favorite pieces of mail I've ever received and it's been on my fridge for many years). I am so sorry that he's gone. You are in my thoughts and my heart goes out to you.

[to my close friend and her husband i don't know as well, after a late-term abortion for a baby they had been very excited to raise. in this case i knew some of my friend's feelings, but not her husband's, and while i knew that many things about the pregnancy had been hard (lots of waiting for test results about the viability of the fetus, for one thing), i didn't want to imply that the decision to abort was hard, because my friend said it wasn't]

I'm thinking of you both lots. I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. It sounds like it's been a difficult and fraught process, and I hope you're getting space and time to grieve and to come to terms with the loss. I hope you're getting whatever kind of support you need. If there's anything I can do to help, whether logistical or emotional, please let me know. I would love to be of service to you. I wish I knew what to say. You've just had such a fantastically shitty year. I do believe that things will get lighter for you both, and I hope that happens soon. Take care, and know you are cherished.

[to my grandmother after the loss of her estranged brother, when i was extremely unsure how she was feeling about it and had my own complicated emotions]

I just wanted to send you a card to say I'm thinking of you. Mom let me know about Uncle [name]. I know things had been strained for many years and I haven't seen him in a long time, but I'm sorry to hear that he's passed. I hope that you and [grandmother's sister] are able to reminisce in whatever way feels appropriate and meaningful to you. I'm not sure what else to say, other than I'm thinking of you, I love you, and I'm sorry. It was really nice to see you at [family member's] graduation the other day. The next time we're together, I look forward to giving you such a big hug! I feel very lucky to be your granddaughter and to have you in my life.

[to my grandmother after the loss of my 38yo cousin, which was hitting me really hard]

I don't know what to say, but I just wanted to tell you that my heart goes out to you and that I'm thinking of you, and [cousin], and [uncle], and [father], every day. It's so hard to lose someone, and I'm so sorry for your loss. My grief is a strange animal that sneaks up on me at the strangest times. I hope you are finding moments of comfort and feeling supported by friends and family. I'm looking forward to the day when I can hug you in person.

[to my close friend on the loss of her father after a long illness. she had been leaning on me for support, as another person who has lost someone after a long illness]

I'm thinking about you lots. I hope you're getting through this time in whatever way is best for you. Loss is hard even when you know it's coming and even when you get to say goodbye. I hope you are finding comfort and feeling how loved you are. He was a special person, and I'm so sorry he's left you. I know part of him will live on in you and the other people who learned from and admired him. It's still so hard to lose him, and grief is a strange animal. Take care. Reach out anytime. I love you so much.

takeaways

it will probably feel inadequate to you, but chances are it will still be appreciated.

remember that though you may not be able to make things better, you are trying not to make things harder.

it is okay to keep it really short and generic.

you cannot assume you know how anyone else feels. there are many ways to grieve. that said, it's nice to acknowledge any specific feelings your friend has expressed to you, while also leaving room for other feelings you may not know about.

if you want to offer support, it can help a lot to be specific in how you are able and willing to help.

it is usually comforting to people to know that they are not the only ones who will remember their lost loved one.

even if you do it awkwardly, just the act of reaching out is meaningful! people don't know you're thinking about them unless you tell them.

and remember to take care of yourself, too! watching friends lose loved ones can be hard for you as well for a variety of reasons. reach out to other friends for support when you need it.

[ooooo-mcyt]

It's also deeply fascinating how the different gimmicks or context for each season sets the tone and culture of the server during it.

Third Life was a uniquely "serious" season when it comes to the depth of the emotional weight put on things, I'd argue. It was the first season, and presumably the last. It wasn't a looping endless death game at the time, it was their only life (well, only three lives) and everyone built real roots. Kingdoms and marriages, things they wanted to genuinely protect, things they wanted to last. There was this thought that if they were to die, that would be the end. There was this thought that if they- and their allies- were to live, they could be happy together. There was this idea that they could live, that there was a world where they keep what they've earned in this place. Which isn't to say emotional stakes don't exist in later series, but Third Life is the one time where permanence and ending were both real tangible concepts to be sought after or feared, unlike now, where there's always last time and next time hovering over the players.

Last Life, on the other hand, was a season of remarkable instability. I've credited this in the past to two core mechanics within the season: the Boogeyman Curse, and the new rule that red names have to leave their teams. These two rules made teams practically impossible to keep. There was the constant fear of betrayal from the Boogeyman, and the constant knowledge that friend could turn into enemy within a second, that the only constant for you to rely on is yourself. Teams were flimsy this season, most people were fundamentally lonely, and distrust permeated most relationships. Beyond the mechanic changes, though, there's also the grief to be talked about. This was the second season, the first time they came back. And with that, came the full reality of impermanence. All their walls and castles and forts and tunnels, even the graves they dug for fallen friends, were gone now, as if they never existed. Nothing in this world is theirs to hold onto, no matter what they do. All they truly have forever is themselves. Last Life is the first time they grapple with this.

Double Life is a server I've talked about a lot because of the sheer cultural isolation promoted by its gimmick. Each player was assigned one other person who was linked to them, who they were forced to rely on for their survival, and, very quickly, an attitude formed that posed soulmate bonds as the most important- no, in some ways the only important- relationship one can have. There was an obligation to be with your soulmate and stay with them and want them and noone else. Alliances outside of soulmate pairs were flimsy, if they existed at all, as the server fell into an isolationist mindset, each soulmate pair an island. People who didn't conform to the soulmate system, people who wanted to choose their own soulmates, or who were alone, or weren't interested in soulmates, were often looked at strangely. With pity or judgment or sometimes aggression. Double Life was just deeply isolating because there was very little community. It was you and your soulmate, and everyone else is the enemy, or at least an outsider.

Limited Life, surprisingly, felt like a series with a lot of freedom. You would expect the constraint of twenty four hours to live to feel like a cage, a limitation, it's literally called Limited Life. But in practice I think you actually got the opposite feeling a lot, because lives were in hours, which meant instead of dying 3-6 times, you could hypothetically die 20+ times. Because of this, I feel like you got a lot more playing around and taking risks and petty rivalries and side storylines in this season, people being less cautious because there was less to lose with an individual death. The fact that you can gain time for killing in this series helped as well, making time feel like a renewable resource, something that's running out in theory, but that you can really just replenish, if you have the competence for it. This made people possibly even more aggressive than in past seasons too, I'd argue, because there was very real incentive to kill, because you will always gain something for it (as long as the kill is legal). This is how we ended up with winding sky paths and tnt falling from the sky every five seconds. Because people were simultaneously more aggressive and less afraid than usual.

Secret Life's another interesting one. I feel like the secret tasks had the capacity to be isolating- and in some cases they were- but I kind of feel like Secret Life had a pretty good sense of community overall, not in spite of, but in many cases because of the secret tasks. Most tasks were funny, tasks were conversation starters in a way (obviously you couldn't talk about them outright, but people would follow someone around to tease them while they're doing their task plenty), tasks typically forced people out of their bases and into going around the server where they'd inevitably talk to people, many tasks even outright involved mandatory interaction with people (often people outside your alliances). And sure, everyone had secrets they couldn't tell, but the non-red tasks (usually) weren't anything harmful, and everyone could have some kind of solidarity in the fact that they all had tasks of their own. And sure, the yellow names being able to guess tasks added some 'tension', but that gave yellow names solidarity with each other and a reason to talk amongst themselves and to the greens. I just feel like Secret Life was an especially social season because of the tasks themselves and how a lot of them mandated communication outside your own alliance.

And then there's Wild Life. This..is another season I think was pretty social, for very similar reasons to Secret Life. The Wild Cards were fun, they gave people something to bond over (because they all have to deal with the wild cards), and they'd often offer an excuse to leave your base and go around the server instead of spending whole episodes working at your own base with your preexisting alliance. People still tried to kill each other of course (particularly when there were dark greens alive to get lives from), but there was also often more focus on the wild cards than on the battle royale aspect of the game. I mean, it took shockingly long for people to even start really killing each other in the finale, I remember sitting through practically half the session and wondering how they were going to wrap it up this session because noone was killing each other for a good chunk of it. This season also had the zombies (both in the super power episode and in the finale), which I think gave some more levity, because even if you die, you're not even gone from the series, you get to pop back up and be silly for a little bit, which I think also lightened the pressure to play too intensely.

I just feel like every season had a very unique culture caused by the gimmicks and context surrounding them and that's fascinating to me.

[livwritesstuff]

for @steddie-week day 6 | drunken confessions

tags: alcohol, drunk steve, sober eddie, post-canon, vague references to period-typical homophobia

By all calculations, Steve shouldn’t be this drunk.

Eddie knows Steve only had three beers – one during Corroded Coffin’s set, and he was halfway through a second when Eddie finally caught up with him after the show, and he started on his third while they were hanging out at the bar.

(Exactly why Eddie knows this is entirely irrelevant, and it has nothing to do with how he'd had one eye on Steve throughout the entire performance trying to gauge how much he might be into it. Definitely not).

Eddie had seen Steve “Keg King” Harrington in the flesh enough times to feel pretty confident that he holds his alcohol better than this but…fuck, if Steve isn’t absolutely sloshed, eyes glassy, cheeks flushed red, and he doesn't seem to have any idea how precariously he's swaying in his bar-stool.

It's fine. Steve's a pretty quiet drunk on the whole, and Eddie gets sorta wired after shows – extra adrenaline or something – so Steve is mostly just listening to him ramble about whatever happens to cross his brain, which isn't a bad way to spend an evening, all things considered.

Midway through an entirely one-sided debate over the merits of starting guitar lessons on electric versus acoustic, Steve reaches over and pushes a curl of hair falling into his eye-line off his forehead with just the tips of his fingers.

Eddie trails off, losing track of his sentence entirely as his eyes dart back and forth between Steve’s face and the hand still hovering by his forehead. He blinks a few times, his parted lips just as forgotten as the end of his sentence.

Eddie knows there’s a kind of question in his eyes when they finally hold firm on Steve’s.

Eventually, after a few beats of silence, Steve supplies, “I like your hair.”

“Uh-huh.” Eddie lifts his chin, still looking at Steve like he doesn’t know what to make of him.

“I like you,” Steve continues, and Eddie feels himself freeze for a moment, a nervous kind of shock running down his spine because, fuck, he's big enough to admit he's fantasized about hearing those words come out of Steve's mouth more than once (way more than once), but his voice was also abnormally loud, and while it’s definitely an interesting little tidbit on Steve’s part, he really doesn’t need the rest of the goddamn Hideout knowing it too. 

“I mean,” Steve continued, “Seriously, I’m, like, super into–”

“Alright,” Eddie cuts him off as he grabs the back of Steve’s jacket, yanking him off the stool and dragging him down the hall, past the bathrooms, and out the back door into the gloomy alleyway. 

“Jesus Christ, Steve!" Eddie exclaims once the door firmly closes behind them, "You can’t just – fuck, man, you’re gonna get us killed!”

“No,” Steve argues, and Eddie’s eyebrows fly up.

“Oh, okay, never mind I guess,” he shot back, “Sure, let’s go back in there, maybe make out on the bar for a while. What could possibly go wrong?”

"Okay," Steve replies simply, reaching forward to clumsily hook fingers around Eddie's belt loops, "You wanna?"

“Uh, no,” Eddie replied, and he regretted it immediately when he saw the look on Steve’s face. He shook his head, desperately trying to course-correct, “I dunno what kind of boys you’ve been kissing, but I certainly don’t take advantage of guys when they’re too drunk to remember anything the next morning.”

"Not kissing any other boys," Steve slurs, "Just waiting for you." He blinks at him for a moment, then says, "Do you...I sorta thought you might..."

Eddie swallowed nervously, because despite his earlier comment, he doesn't actually think Steve is so drunk that he won't remember any of this tomorrow, which means he's gonna remember this: "Yeah, I like you, Steve. Jesus Christ, I like you loads."

And Steve's mouth split into the biggest, dopiest grin Eddie's ever seen, and, fuck, yeah, he wants to kiss him. He really wants to kiss him.

"Tomorrow morning too?" Steve asks hopefully.

Eddie can't help a little laugh as he nods, "Definitely tomorrow morning too. Probably time to head out, though, for now."

"Okay," Steve nods, and so Eddie untangles Steve's hand from his belt loop, clasping it firmly in his own when he's done (because he can do that, he thinks). As they head for Eddie's van, Steve adds, "Y'know, I bet if you rolled all the windows down I'd sober up on the way back."

"Sure you will, sweetheart."

[iamhereinthebg]

Spoilers Tbhk chapter 126

The end of the new chapter appears with a brand new question: Who is this Akane?

Is he the same one as the one Nene just tried to kill in the last Timeline?

I had a lot of random ideas about it, so let's talk about it! Disclaimer: It will be a little bit all over the place, some ideas will contradict each other! It's mostly to see what we have right now.

One of my first idea is: Nene doesn't exist in the Present anymore.

At the end of the chapter, Nene appears during the 103rd festival which takes place in 2005, 10 years before the main timeline, and for once, she doesn't seem to wanna use the sandglass right away.

Which means it may be a timeline where Akane and Teru remember, like in chapter 112, and Akane realizes that Nene doesn't exist as she should. It may be even coming from before this after all since she was born in 1999/2000, she should be 5/6 in 2005. He then decided or is asked by Kako to check each festival from 2014 to older years, to see when she is.

It also seems that the Clock of the clock keepers only functions during the three days of the festival. I won't go into details but I am pretty sure they can use the clock keepers biggest power at least only during the festival, which is why time is also so fragile at this period and would also explain the three days limit for the memories.

Second Idea:

Nene is 'stuck' in the hourglass.

This is Kako's reaction to Nene using the hourglass, he is shocked and angry that she wants to use it despite saying his Tale but here he seems just 'mildly annoyed'. The hourglass did disappear with her though. It's great to keep in mind that The sanglass wants to get more and more people into it, probably gaining power like this like the God Pit. Contrary to the God of the pit who at least gives people wishes in exchange, the SandGlass only set people to fail. Its malicious intention way more present than the other Kami the god pit.

It always make Nene go back to the Sand everytime, never allowing her to say she wants to get her old timeline back, to stay there, never giving her a break into the loop, driving people quickly into madness and losing all senses of self.

'It's alright, you can try again and again and again' until your lose your life and soul so you can join us. The Sandglass already knows what's waiting for anyone who uses it, it's never offering a solution, just forcing her to go back until she completely loses it. Making her thinks she has a choice in any of the decisions when she has none. After killing all her friends, I am pretty sure only a few more loops would be enough to make her take her own life or die by becoming much more reckless, and finally be part of the sandglass.

All stories told by Kako end up with the person using it dying. Either by their own hands or by others. The only one who ''didn't kill himself'' is the ClockMaker, putting a curse onto his own soul so it could never rest, so his soul would remember what he did and create a supernatural born from grief. So he could prevent people from doing the same mistake as all those people. The clockMaker is the only one who didn't use the sandglass 'one last time' to get what he wanted.

The Sandglass doesn't care what the present will look like, it only wants to empower itself by using greedy humans.

Which is why I think there is a possibility that the timeline Nene is in right now, is 'stuck' in the sandglass. I can't explain exactly how it would work tbh, maybe that just the sandglass 'create' false or alternatives timelines, enough to make the human using it go insane. Like it's a sandglass who can ''travel'' through timelines? I don't really know how it would work, but the dimension Nene is in is clearly a different space like the Nowhere where rules don't apply as in the real world.

But only humans can have access to it, hence why Akane is the one at the end who appears to potentially get her out, not Kako or Mirai, but a human, who can break the rules that bound the supernaturals and can fall under curses more easily, who can be cursed so can lure the sanglass to allow him to use his power. The sandglass would allow a human to use it, not a supernatural.

I already said here that I think there is a possibility Akane was already going after Nene since some times. The question now is: from which timeline it is? This this will be even harder to explain.

I personnaly think that Akane from the first new timeline (chapter 112 to 125) and from chapter 111 are the same, or at least, share the same memories.

Everything he says in chapter 113 is just so personal.

Which add to my idea that Nene is in a different timeline, that is not the same as the one she just left. She is not trying to change the timelines she is in, she is in a brand new one. The last twos were way more linked together than the ones Nene is in.

Because Teru and Akane don't remember anything, compared to the old one where the clock keepers used their powers.

Like when Kako uses its power in chapter 27, or when people are stuck in boundaries.

People with high spiritual energy always have better chance to remember.

Which implies to me that Nene hasn't really gone back in Time in the same way as they did previously. The Sandglass works differently that the clock keepers's clock. Kako and the Cat stayed in the real hourglass/clock.

Nene only has a part of its sand. The big part of it is controled by Kako and is what helps going back in Time, the clock keepers' powers over the Past.

I just wanna note that for the new timeline, only those who were present during the changes, ended up remembering right away (Nene and Teru). But it still happened at one point for others characters like Kou and Mitsuba/Sousuke. Characters like Tsuchigomori aren't shown remembering anything, but it's hard to say how much it may affect him since he is an old supernatural. His three days of memories left may have already passed, this memory thing is really wonky and only works when AidaIro want it to work though so I have no proof.

I also personnaly don't think the Akane from the many timelines Nene goes through, is the same as we see at the end of chapter 125. I don't think this Akane is supposed to remember the timelines. For a lot of different reasons that I think don't make sense, but Nene is pretty obvious in the way she acts that something is happening.

Akane doesn't change anything in the way he acts at all. He even worries for her because she acts differently and says non sensical stuff. There is no way he remembers all those timelines here. Or he can have the Oscar for the best actor idk it makes no sense. The only thing where I am not sure is the last one, the only time for me he would finally remembers all of it, is when he is dying. But I still think it's a weak plot point, really random and would go against the idea that he has been looking for her for some times.

(Funny note: Akane is a character who is always shown with half lidded eyes when ''''dying''''compared to the others like Teru. He is dying/losing conciousness, not dead/inconscious, right away.)

I still feel like what Kako did is way different than what Nene is doing with the hourglass. Nene is under the sandglass's influence, Kako uses its power only once to get things right (from his pov), never using it without taking precautions and doing his own investigation before acting.

Nene has a part of the sandglass, the core that wants it so bad to be used by human, but Kako still has the biggest part of its power with all the sand present when Nene enters the Clock.

And Kako, is supposedly working with Akane.

Let's go over Akane's role as a clock keeper.

This is more of a personal preference, but it would be insane to me that Akane has been stuck in the old timeline, in the boundary, alone, not doing anything when he has one of the most ''pro active'" personality of the cast. And especially that all this last arc, was for nothing. This arc already makes me mad that apparently no one will remember, this is just unfair to all others characters.

The idea of memories is important for the Clock Keepers in general. The idea that Nene is here using a hourglass creating different timelines and Kako being able to remember the first timelines/changes don't seem like a big stretch to me. They can't pinpoint exactly where/when Nene is and what she has changed since Akane implies that he has been looking for her for some time, with the 'Finally'.

But they know and remember that she is traveling through Time.

Which still begs the question of: why is Akane here in his clock keeper outfit if he doesn't remember/if he is supposed to be dead since he died in all new timelines? And I will be really honest with you and says that I have no clues which make really sense.

If we go into a more of one of the Meta sense of the Present, Akane may have something like Shijima's power.

A kind of power of Ubiquity power, but accross Timelines. There is the human Akane from the new Timeline, and the one from the boundary.

And the one, stuck in the clock keepers boundary, gain the memories of the others once they are erased, like a safety net so the supernatural part of him can still exist like Kako wants him to. By creating new timelines, it create new Akanes, that shares all memories before the changes were done by Kako but the clock keepers of the present is still out there. And with those memories he can see if something has gone wrong, that multiples bad timelines are being created, which is why, he finally acts now.

The only thing that point to this, is the fact that it's implied that Akane has two bodies. And that we don't really know how it works. But it's pretty clear that these two bodies are separated, they only share the same soul. (and we know that souls can be cut too)

He is way stronger and resistant as a supernatural.

If he kept his injuries, Akane should have died when the severance happened, or at least be not okay but he was. His injury only coming back when he gained his clock keeper form back in chapter 85.

Throughout the manga he is one of the character that has taken a lot of injuries, but only in his clock keeper form, and it never interferes with his human body, not even once.

(disclaimer: it may only be just a choice of Aidairo to absolutely refuse to show consequences btw :)) I will put it here because for all others characters it worked like this too when they went back from the far shore, humans go back to how they were when coming back from a boundary)

It's also shown that his power don't work when he wants to use it, because another Kami is in front of him. But he also supposedly know that it doesn't work outside of the school? And he thought that it would give Nene his autorisation but it broke?

We also know that his watch works outside of school in supernaturals prominent places, like the far shore.

I honestly don't really know how it would work, but I at least really think that Akane from the new timeline and the one in the boundary in chapter 111 have the same memories that's for sure. Is the human Akane able to use travel in time if he doesn't go himself 'free the clock keeper Akane'? I am not really sure how it would work once again.

The Akane in the new timeline is still Akane, like every other characters. I am just not sure about the timelines Nene is going through in the loops though. But I can't explain it more than 'it may be something the sandglass is trying to copy the way her friends are/to give her a sense of false security'. Is it some kind of tests to see how long Nene's soul would break? The sandglass don't even need to really travel back in time, it just needs to break Nene's soul to get her in the sand. But tbh this would be a weird choice too. So I am not sure about this, just that the sandglass definitely doesn't work the same way as Kako's clock.

The last option is, Akane at the end of chapter 126 is the one from chapter 111 (so from the old Timeline) and he absolutely doesn't share memories with Akane from the new Timelines, only Kako told him to go after Nene in the Timeloops. But once again it would kinda strange and really underwhelming from AidaIro, the writing for the characters this arc were... not really good for most of them, Nene being the only expection. I at least want one of the character to remember the Timeline we have been in since 1 year (10/12 chapters) for us readers. And Akane is the one who would make the most sense.

Last insane theory is Akane is the cat and he already tried to travel through time without being allowed to and Kako punished him but I won't expand on this because I don't like it much and would add a layer of 'wtf is happening' to this already really confusing arc.

New insane theory: he has another body that's made like the one of the clock keepers since they can cut souls. (I don't like it but here it is)

The clock keeper of the present can see through the eyes of people using the hourglass (no proof at all for this too jut random ideas)

And for the question: Will Akane pay the price to go back to the old Timeline? I already talked a little bit about it : here

I will be really honest but the only way it could have worked for me is: if it was confirmed that Akane was supposed to die at 12 and that the clock keepers extended his life with the contract, in the condition that they can take it back if needed.

But once again, we have no infos, Akane would have known this and I personally think it would be unfair to do that. To Akane, and to the clock keepers as characters. And for the loop Nene is stuck in, why would Akane pay for this? He isn't Kou or Hanako, Akane is a kind character, still he woudln't do something like this right away as the first solution expect if he had no choice, it's not Akane's place to pay for this. Nene shouldn't either but it would make more sense for her to pay a price to me for her timeloops.

I will end all of this to say that AidaIro's writing has... not been the greatest for me in this last arc. I understand the need to keep a lot of things mysterious, but they often put setups they never use after (*coughs* the key Nene got from Amane from the past *coughs* Akane's weird body thing I absolutely don't understand) and now we have so littles informations that we can create anything we want if we cross random informations.

I don't think it's too bad if people guess stuff from time to time, if it means the writing is less blurry. Being able to do theories is cool, but like the broadcasting club I just think it makes everything way more underwheling. Right now, absolutely everything could happen, and we could only nod. Because we have absolutely no informations, on Akane's contract, on how time travels really work in tbhk, wtf is going on with Amane and the big clock, how boundaries and the fare shore really work, why tf is Tsuchigomori a supernatural that can appear to human and not some of the others, why Nene is so special and what is the limits of her ''powers'' etc... They refuse to acknowledges some of the early rules they put, and absolutely don't make the characters deal with consequences. I really hope I will be proven wrong this time and to note that this is my opinion btw, but it's been a long time I've had this feeling with the writing and it's even worst with this arc.

I am glad Nene was proven wrong in this chapter (and it ties to something I talk about here more in details with Kou's character too), mostly because it's good to see something that has been implied since some times.

Nene is a good person, a really nice person, but play with the rules when they have been said explicitly, and see how they answer you.

Supernaturals are bound by rules and I truly think humans characters will be the ones who help them all in the end like it has been happening in the manga, even if humans are also the causes of a lot of their sufferings.

I think a human, will be the one to break the curse and the timeline from the clock keepers who are too stuck on their own rules, because it's still not fair. Nene is absolutely right on this and we understand why she took this risk. But I am still glad Nene was proven wrong this time. You can't expect to play with something as powerful as Time and think you will be okay after it.

They were against Death and Life in the last arc, trying to play by the rules and go out of it without consequences. Now they are against something more powerful than Death, something that can controls everything and suposedly exists everywhere, Time.

And the last thing they will probably be against, with the 7th mystery, will be something even more powerful than that.

Something probably close to Omnipotence, Creation and Destruction. Something that doesn't exist by the rules.

Little detail:

It's important to note that the Future still hasn't woken up yet contrary to the Past, since the Present isn't fixed/isn't here :)))

I can't wait to see if she will have a bigger role now, I am excited for her to appear at least. I also don't think Kako said the full truth and we will have the rest of their backstories a little bit later.

[crepesuzette2023]

Only asking if you wanna and have time to do it. No worries if you don't but asking anyway because it would be so helpful. I find it a bit difficult because I'm new. Maybe you've done this before and can add linkto that. Please.

My ask is if you could make a list of McLennon fics on AO3.

A list of favorites. (fan favourites or popular fic writers in the fandom)

A list of finished fics with lots of smut.

A list of fics that is very realistic in the Beatle lore/quite possible/likely to have happend.

A list of uncanon/not likely/ John's still alive, reunion of the Beatles etc.

A list of your own and or own favorites.

Thank you!

Thanks for the ask, Anon!

I recommended some fics in the past, it’s true, but it’s been a while. This is a chance to mention some stories I read & loved since then. (I’ll also link to the older recs, so you can check them out as well.)

(This is long, so I'm editing this to insert a break)

But first there's this:

A list of favorites. (fan favourites or popular fic writers in the fandom)

I can’t speak for the fandom as a whole, because everyone’s taste is different. What I can do is name some stories I personally love, and that are also beloved by many others.

These fics have probably been recced many times, including by me—and for a reason: they’re excellent.

Also: all of these writers have many great fics. The stories below are just entry points to their work.

• On the Way to Work by @roundthatcorner. (Paul gets a job after Hamburg.)

• Lifting Latches/Sending Postcards by ThinkPink20. (Early Days. Paul and John swap clothes.)

• Now and then (there’s a fool such as I) by @stonedlennon. (The trip to Caversham.)

• Six hours in August by @stonedlennon. (John and Paul meet in NYC in 1976.)

• Bird Passing Through by @savageandwise. (John is tripping and visiting Paul after his moped accident.)

• I was a younger man then (now) (post hoc) by @fingersfallingupwards. (McLennon as The Time Traveller’s Wife.)

• baby, it’s all relative by @pauls1967moustache. (Early John and Paul and daddy issues.)

• but still they lead me back by @revollver. Paul remembers the moment when John asked him, do you like me?

• Double Fantasy by @javelinbk. John and Paul’s (modern) Flower Shop AU.

• The Same as it Ever Was by RedheadAmongWolves. John and Paul through the eyes of the newsagent.

• The First Year by candle_beck. Still feeling the reverberations of this one in my bones years after reading.

• Portrait of the Artist by @scurator. (John and Paul take sexy pictures…to sell them for money. For no other reason.)

• Kissing the Blarney by @zilabee. Paul is the Beatles’ talisman. (This is magical realism at its best.)

• Smutlets by @unchaineddaisychain. (Don’t let the flippant name deceive you: this is a massive collection of shorter and longer fics across many genres, eras, and themes. There’s something in there for everyone!)

• The Cat by @merseydreams. Post Beatles break-up. Paul thinks John has a new boyfriend. He has thoughts about this.

And, of course, my personal favorite of all time, my desert island, gold-disc-for-space, “printed it all to make sure I won’t lose it when The Internet™ is gone”: I Need You Darlin’ (So Come Go With Me) by @beatlessideblog. Omegaverse version of John and Paul’s love story (do not scroll away!), with Paul being the alpha. I keep saying this, but it’s fantastic how the writer combines omegaverse ideas with late 50’s/ early 60’s Liverpool. Novel length plus 9 extras, what can I say. We are all blessed.

A list of finished fics with lots of smut.

Here are some recent smutty favorites. (Below are links to older smutty recs!)

• Loops by @dailyhowl. Sgt. Pepper’s era. John and Paul create tape loops of themselves during sex.

• just to make me misbehave by @dykebeatles. 1967. Paul and John have sex before, during, and after the Sgt. Pepper’s launch party.

• Lonely Hearts Column by @unchaineddaisychain. Modern AU, middle-aged composer Paul and younger artist John, and a lovely night followed by the sweetest breakfast.

• Ask the Glass by @unchaineddaisychain: Young John and Paul, and two séances.

• Put A Spell on You by @eveepe. Help! Era. The size difference between Smaul and John works very well for both of them.

• monkey’s paw by @ameliepoulain. Repressed tension and catharsis during the Japan leg of the  ’66 tour.

• lift up your heart and sing you a song by @wronglennon. Sex during the making Magical Mystery Tour. Paul wears the white suit.

• it’s good to touch by @pondpossum. Smutty mclennon art!

• The Look of You by @ohjohnnysblog. Paul is fisting John.

• the chronicles of trying to keep quiet and almost getting caught by lazydaisychain. On tour, John and Paul are trying to make space for their love.

• Piston Engines (Shift to Overdrive) by SwishyNibblyNibbly. John and Paul join the Mile High club on the way to their first US visit. Also:

• NSFW favorites (Feb. 2024)

• What’s the most raunchiest, dirty, and just explicit Mclennon fic you’ve ever read? (March 28, 2024)

• Hi, I would love recs for mclennon fics dripping in sexual tension, like six hours in August by stonedlennon. It doesn't need to have explicit sexual content. Thank you! (March 6, 2024)

A list of fics that is very realistic in the Beatle lore/quite possible/likely to have happened.

I think that’s an interesting ask, to be honest. I’ll take this to mean stories that feel “in character” and are compliant with canon events as we know them—not stories presenting a plausible explanation/only possible version of events. (Subtle difference.)

Here are some fics I could think of that fit this description (more links at the end of this post, if interested) : Krankenstand by @savageandwise. John takes care of a sick Paul in Hamburg. Two Truths, and Two Lies by J_Deandra_j. John and Paul from 1965-67, based on four quotes.

the best of times, the worst of times by @crumblingcookies. John and Paul during the Beatles' 1964 visit to the British Embassy in Washington.

Someone Else Can Worry About Me... by @idontwanttospoiltheparty. Paul comforting, and being comforted, through the years.

in france, they kiss on main street by @orphanbeat. Paul is spiraling about John during their 1966 visit to Paris.

The Dream by monkberrymoon. Screenplay-format story centered on the Did you dream about me last night? scene in Get Back.

Transatlantic by @therealsaintscully. Don't let the incomplete chapter count distract you; the first two chapters each stand on their own. John and Paul are talking on the phone after the break-up.

and when i touch you by @forthlin. Early days. John and Paul notice the different size of their hands.

Huddersfield, 1963 by @dovetailjoints. The story behind the adorable 'boyfriends' photo.

The Sober Cannibal and the Drunken Christian (Anonymous). John and Paul wake up together in Paris.

(help me) get my feet back on the ground (ladeedahblue). The toboggan sandwich!

Unsaid in Studio Two by the Beatlefix. John and Paul yearn for each other as they work on Strawberry Fields Forever.

knows not where he's going to by @dovand. Liverpool days. Brian finds John in his office one morning.

See Us in the Real Life by RedHeadAmongWolves. Two EMI canteen workers observe the Beatles, and especially John and Paul, in the early days of their career.

Shooting Star by @pie-of-flames. Early days. John and Paul see a shooting star together.

Giving me the excitations by @backbenttulips. After the Pet Sounds listening party, Paul writes a song—while having sex with John.

Field-Boxing by @the-paper-apricot. Paul considers going back on tour.

all by design by @thegirlwiththeaxe. Early days. A smitten and determined Paul is plotting to sweep John off his feet at the fete.

A list of uncanon/not likely/ John's still alive, reunion of the Beatles etc.

Music save your mortal soul by @backbenttulips. (This writer is a specialist at middle-aged/old mclennon fix its! In this one, John persuades Paul, who he accuses of being a sell out, to go on a tour though the pubs...as The Nerk Twins.)

Leads Me To Your Door/The Four of Wands by @bluewater9. Gorgeous, real and warm two-parter about John and Paul in '89/'90: together, and on the brink of coming out...but not quite there yet.

And the fics listed here:

• Fics in which John is old and happy (Dec 8, 2024) ( this probably should have said middle-aged or old)

• mclennon fanfiction in which one or both of them is/are old (June 24, 2024)

• Old mclennon recommendations (2/2/2025)

A list of your own and/or own favorites.

Here are some Beatles fics I loved recently, with some space for non-mclennon.

John/Paul/Brian. Series (1963, 1967) by @scurator. Goes well with: Billet doux (Brian/Paul).

Paris, 1961 by whiteisthewarmestcolor. "A young Parisian woman meets two British musicians staying at the Montmartre hotel run by her family." I love this unusual outsider POV on John and Paul, and Beatles when they're famous...

cool about it by ohhamlet. After Hamburg. George and Jürgen, George and Paul.

a lesson in not caring by @javelinbk. John's thoughts and feelings during Paul's arrest in Japan. With a beautiful final chapter...

visionen christi by @dykebeatles. Hamburg. John has visions...Paul and George take care of him. The emergence of a tender trinity.

Lay, Lady, Lay by @aquarianshift. Paul and Jane, noble lady & stable hand role play.

love is a finder, always by @wronglennon. Instant all-time favorite. Hamburg: Paul and John and their demons are in love without knowing...until they do.

All Flesh is Weak by @thegirlwiththeaxe. 1967. Paul is a priest, John is a writer. They meet in grief, and make each other come alive. I love how warm and kind John is...!

She's not a girl who misses much by Anonymous. Yoko studies John and Paul.

half of what i say is meaningless, but i say it just to reach you by @pauls1967moustache. "CIA agent Tom Dawkins tries to decode Lennon/McCartney" — and finds himself. An awakening!

Oh Dear What Can I Do by @louiselux. 1966. John and Paul kiss on stage...and what happens after.

Your Song Will Fill the Air by Sminking: Strange days after Brian's death. India. And a happy ending? Unfinished, but hopefully finished soon. Dark and interesting.

i walked with you once upon a dream by @menlove. A Christmas Carol during he making of Magical Mystery Tour.

With a Little Help by @notgrungybitchin. 1967. John and Paul are such a couple during the Sgt. Pepper's photoshoot...

this boy would always feel the same by @adriennefrombrooklyn. 1975. Paul is divorced, and traveling to NYC with Robert Fraser. John, back with Yoko after the lost weekend, is jealous....

And finally:

• Here is a big blog post I made in December 2023 with my overall favorites in various categories at that point...

• Here are all my fic recs (many different asks) under the #fic recs tag on my blog

• Here are all my bookmarks on AO3

• And (since you asked) my own fics are here

Thanks again for asking, Anon, and I hope you find something in this huge mess of a post that you enjoy!

[bodhiscurls]

hiii hru i love ur work!!! can i request a fic where reader is a scribe maybe or she just doesn’t study at basgiath maybe, and once the gang goes to the bar near the college and they’re all having fun bodhi sees her dancing or singing, like a love at first sight situation?? thank youuu

heyy !! i'm doing ok thanks for asking, i hope you're doing fab !! and ahhhh you are so kind, thank you for reading 💘 i loveeee this idea and hope you don't mind but i went with the idea of the reader being a scribe - made it a little bit different in some bits and it is kinda long but !! hope you enjoy !!

first look into forever. ( bodhi durran )

based on the prompt above by the lovely @prettylittlels

pairing: bodhi durran x scribe markham fem! reader

themes: lots of cuteness, flirting, dancing, one kiss scene

there was something familiar in the air about you that bodhi durran couldn't place his finger on. instead he openly stared, took full advantage of his 20/20 vision and let himself linger.

war games were over and bodhi trailed behind the friends that have become his family with each and every near death experience with great reluctance. he wanted nothing more to slip into a sleep coma and just for once relax and breathe for more than a moment. but tonight was a celebration without the constant fuel of survival taking precedent in every waking moment.

"you're not drinking?" garrick tavis slides a glass too large filled with a liquid too dark and questionable in the direction of bodhi. he stares at it, pulling his lip between his teeth and decides the better option.

"i'll pass," and he slides the glass back to his friend who eagerly accepts and takes a long chug. bodhi never really was much of a drinker- the taste of it for one, but the lack of control he'd lose was unnerving. on the odd occassions where his soul hung with burdens became too heavy to carry, he preferred to sip in his own company. alone and lonely, all the same. at least that way there was no one to scrutinise his every move, take advantage of him in a lesser state- see him in a lesser state. the paranoia from drinking was sufferable- the constant regrets that would follow after the opposite, no that was a mission bodhi durran would stay loyal to with a heart.

instead, he stands in the sidelines leaning against the bar to get a good view of the room. he calls it a skill knowing every exit, open door and weaponry in the vicinity, but in the safe haven of the bar he frequents so often it could be a second home, deep down he knows he's still looking for a escape. his soft chocolate eyes glance over his cadets and their whereabouts, their level of intoxication and if any of them looked as if death would kill them before their dragons. even after hours, he still can't find it in him to distance himself from his executive officer stance- after all, if he wasn't a rider, he was xaden riorson's cousin, he was a child of the rebellion, he was always something- some title and label that held expectations in every move. when could he ever just exist as just bodhi?

his solemn thoughts are broken by a giggle so loud its deafening to his ears. sung in a sweet melody carrying a golden glow to the air that he shifts his gaze and just blatantly stares.

he's seen you before, he thinks. he must've have though his memory outside of battle briefs had never been too precise. he's also sure he would have remembered the iridecent shine around your laughter and from this moment, he swears he'll remember it in every lifetime.

he'll remember you in every lifetime.

you're with another female, arms looped dancing to the music. your movements are so soft, the air seems to sway around you with a buzz enticing him to draw near. he can only see the the side of you. brown hair that cascades down your back in gentle waves and skin that looks so butter soft- he's itching to touch it and test for himself.

"dudeeee," garrick tavis whistles out, clapping his brother on the back and the harsh comparison from your aura to the brutish force of his friend is enough to break (and spoil) his trance. bodhi doesn't even flinch as garrick's hand makes strong contact- he doesn't even sway. hes fixated in his spot, his eyes still lingering in your direction and he can't find it in him for the life of him to walk away.

"what," he mumbles, still not wavering once and garrick then gets in his line of vision, standing completely infront o him and removing you from his view. the grin plastered all over his smug face makes bodhi's eyes narrow intently.

"i should be asking you that," another wolfish whistle escapes his lips and bodhi knows he's never going to live this down. "the great bodhi durran, second in line to a tyrrish throne- can slay wyvern," he leans in a milimeter away from his friend, "but cannot form a coherent sentence right now."

"oh," he manages to get out, swerving his head around garrick to catch sight of you again. but garrick tavis is an annoying pain who mimics bodhi's every action, blocking the entire view of the bar again.

"cat got your tongue?" he teases, ruffling his friend's hair affectionately. its a rare case to see bodhi durran stunned to his core and garrick soaks up that childlike wonder exuding off him, unsure of the last time he's seen his friend look a thousand years lighter.

bodhi rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest in defiance. "ha ha garrick, maybe lay off the drinks pal it makes you unfunny," he returns dryly, patting his chest in a swat-like motion. if his nonchalance aims to deter garrick away from this conversation, then he has surely failed.

"you should go up to her," garrick speaks low enough for only his friend to hear, his hot breath sloppy in his ears.

the silence is palpable which feels unsettling given the hustle and bustling of the bar atmosphere; drinks click and slosh, music thumps but bodhi durran's heart flutters with a scary beat of unnatural peace.

"tonight should be for you. you've not survived this far and this long without a chance to have some fun too." and this time, when garrick slides the concerning concotion bodhi's way, he takes a swig of liquid courage gratefully and heads in the direction of where he had seen you last.

"fuck it," he mumbles, wiping his sweaty palms on the sides of his cargos- grateful that his flight jacket is somewhere ditched and long gone. he hopes that everyone else is too drunk to noticed his slightly flushed and dazed state- he hasn't felt this excited since his younger days of running free in riorson house, begging to join his older cousin with whatever unusual game they had come up with next. his steps feel slower as his head scans the parameter, slight urgence in feeling the warmth and glistening glow of your aura again

but just where the hell were you?

...

the cold water sloshes against your feverish skin. you cup the liquid for the third time before gently presses your palms into your cheeks. with a soft groan you lift your body up to meet your reflection in the dim bathroom of the bar. your cheeks are still flushed red from both the alcohol and his burning gaze.

you felt those honey eyes settle on you as you danced, as you spoke and when he looked away for a single moment you remembered who you were and bolted. a sigh slips from your lips and without intending to, they turn up into the smallest of smiles. faint, but it's there.

never before had you commanded such attention from a stranger. but there was something magnetic about him, soft curls and chocolate irises that held promises of safety and home. your eyes widen at the dramatic revelation and you curse yourself for being so melodramatic. you didn't even know his name, nevermind what home he belonged to.

you relax your death grip on the cabinet and make your way back out there. you'll be in and out, gather your things and head home for the rest of the night- it'll be painsome but somehow you'll get yourself together before the sun rises and your schedule as a scribe takes over. your night of being just yn was over and the priorities of your family line take over your hours once again.

the door opens for a fraction of a milimeter before your eyes widen in recognition and shut it again instantly.

fuck," the curse falls so softly on instinct and you press your warm head to the cool wooden frame. you stay like that for a second and decide to be brave once more tonight and open the door again.

you're met with the cutest of nose scrunches and furrowed brows that are fixated on the door. then, they relax as his heated gaze meets your eyes and the easiest of smiles works its way onto his feature.

his smile, your heart sings. oh the things you'd do to write about it.

"you hiding from me, beaut?," he greets with a question, a voice so deep it releases a cage of butterflies roaring in your stomach.

"hello," you defer politely and awkwardly greet, hoping you sound as cool and collected as him. its silence between the two of you, not the heavy awkwardness or the hesitant need to fill in the gaps, but soft like a feather landing- like skies clearing after the rain and souls connecting.

your eyes roam onto his relic adorning his wrist and extending upwards of a dark toned arm. your brain flashes warning signals of the dire consequences if your gaze trails further. and deceptively, it does.

bodhi relishes in your attention, confidence shifting his stance that he leans on the frame of the bathroom door, tensing his bicep on purpose with a faint grin at the sight of your lips parting a small gap.

"do i scare you?" he breaks the silence and you lift your eyes to meet his.

"no," your response is gentle, but immediate. another beat passes between the two of you. "it's getting late." but at your admission, neither of you turn to make a move. its like your stances are imprinted into the concrete moulding and holding you both into a state of longing forever.

"spare me a dance?" its hopeful and downright cute the boyish charm he oozes that you can't find it in you to say no. you hold your hand out to him and let him lead you into a small room.

"thought you'd like some more privacy," he admits sheepishly and you smile appreciatively. his hands find your hips and yours at his shoulders looping behind his neck as you sway to the soft muted rhythmic hums.

"i've never seen you before," you start slowly, "do you come here often?" he grins loud and wide, and you regret the way it came out, shaking your head "no, i meant-"

"i try not to make this a habit," he gracefully cuts off your flustered attempts at redeeming yourself, "except when there's a known presence of a pretty scribe in the vicinity." his words are coated with a sweetened sugar that you melt in certainty that you're going to need to see a healer about this soon.

"well, mr. smooth talker- do you have a name?" you ask, your body in alignment with his. you're so enrapt in his warmth and care that you try not to notice how one of his hands have travelled up your body and now carress your jaw gently, almost reaching out to cup it.

"bodhi," he whispers and it fits him so perfectly, you muse. "tell me yours." but your heart acts a little bit too quickly and you race to meet his lips. maybe its the alcohol in your system or the fact that it just feels like your heart knows his, intertwined in a way that no record of history could begin to fathom. bodhi reaches out, grabs your jaw with both his hands and crushes any amount of distance and air between you.

the kiss is hurried but deep, settled with an urgency to be as close as possible to each other. in his presence you forget what it feels like to go to sleep and rise alone, to have the weight of your fathers legacy on your shoulders and you act as his protegé. how it feels to desperately have every inch of information to exist in the universe at your fingertips but be unsure of how to correctly wield it- to what audience will hear your voice but not your truthful words.

bodhi must feel the same because he is lost in you too. he has you up against the wall, his hand now spread across your abdomen pushing you up and into it. your head hits the stone with a thud that is enough to break you free from this and your hands rest on top of his.

he gets the hint immediately, releasing you and taking a step back to gather some space for you to breathe. "i'm sorry," he whispers, "i didn't mean to- no i mean i did. i mean, i liked what we did. fuck, my goodness," he rambles and you smile slowly.

"hey," you break his stream of thoughts flooding him. "it's just a little quick thats all," and he nods in agreement. his hair is ruffled and messy and it feels like a privilege to see him so unravelled.

"i've got to go, early morning and all," you shrug your shoulders in nonchalance. "it was real great to meet your aquaintance, bodhi," you nod your head in farewell and brush past him to leave. he reaches out, grabs your arm and brings you back to his forefront view.

"do you kiss all your aquaintances like that?" he quirks a brow.

"just a habit i make for when there's a known presence of a pretty rider in the vicinity," an echo of his earlier words and a chuckle slips from his lips. its met with your golden giggles that stuns bodhi durran in awe all over again and he silences the beating of his rabid heart with a promise.

"i'll see you soon, bookworm," he promises, voice barely above a whisper. you roll your eyes at the white gown that have given away your role as a scribe- an orb of white in a sea of black rider leathers.

"in a while, bodhi." and he watches you slip out the door with just one more longing gaze back.

...

the next morning you awake with a thuddering in your temples and a warm rumble in your heart.

bodhi, you muse and he's at the centre of your universe. he takes up that much time when you stall getting ready- reimagining last night's events and stays at the forefront even when you have to brave the scolding from your father.

"the weight of this world's history is on your shoulders, other scribes would kill for this opportunity to be of such signifance and service," the fatherly hiss is met without malice or dwell like usual because all you can think about bodhi.

he's there again when you arrive for achival duty, a few minutes late to account for your telling off and you're distracted even as you hand over the books to the assigned rider.

because he's actually there again- soft curls, easy grin and all.

"bodhi," you whisper his name in awe, worried that you've unlocked a new level of delusion and that this is all in your head. your hands brush for a sliver of a second as he takes a book from your hold. he doesn't move completely however. a marked hand rests on top of yours as you both grip the vessel of knowledge. he lets it linger, relishes in your soft warm touch and memories of your kiss flash through his mind.

"what are you doing here?" you breathe, flushed and unready without the confidence of alcohol rushing through your veins.

"what can i say?" he grins, rosy lips shifting upwards to heaven and above. he leans in closer to you, his warm breath hot on the shell of your ear before he plants the softest of kisses in the place where the back of your jaw meets your lobe. "early bird gets the worm, right?"

note: my first ever request !!!! i hope i did this justice !!!!! (but also why is this now my favourite thing ive ever written???? its long so i apologise but bookworm is such a cute scribe nickname idc what anyone says !!! thanks for reading i love uuuuu 💘💘💘💘

[crucialplayer]

Thoughts on moon placements

!! everything is based purely on my experiences with signs, written with no other purpose than to share my observations and be unserious.

Aries moon. Will ask you a question and leave midway through u answering it just cuz little men in their head pushed a new button on the emotions console, inside out style. If they feel some type of way be sure everyone in the room will also feel it. Great at destroying social harmony. 

Taurus moon. Brick wall banging against which you risk irrevocably damaging ur head. Usually deal with stress or any negative emotions by falling asleep. Insanely bad at moving on from anything.

Gemini moon. Find an outlet for your thoughts and ideas and it better not be that one poor friend that is too nice to stop your rambling. Anxiety ride from the moment they wake up till the moment they fall asleep if they actually manage to. Never have a firm stance on anything. 

Cancer moon. If they feel sad they can suck the life out of the air. Feel a lot and usually stop at that. Somehow kinda bad at reflecting. Some of them could really benefit from rationalizing their emotions. Like to reminisce a lot. 

Leo moon. Every day is a Miss Universe contest. Don't understand the concept of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Live life like they’re being filmed for a biopic about them. Get offended easily. Having too many ego deaths on a daily basis bless them. 

Virgo moon. Invented anxiety and hating things. Genuinely think they are smarter than everybody but like to ignore the fact that they’ve been stuck in the loop of the same problems for a couple of years. VEry unstable self-esteem. 

Libra moon. Appear very carefree to the point of care actually not existing in their world I think. Like cute things and cute feelings. Dislike ugly things and ugly feelings. Shine best when surrounded by people and are needed by someone. 

Scorpio moon. If mood swings were a moon placement it’d be this one. Cutting ur hair at 3 am moon. Everything is profound and deeply personal. Identity crisis during a bus ride home. Being nonchalant is a hoax. 

Sagittarius moon. 3 minute emotional life cycle. Consider feeling down a random virus they caught somewhere and not a genuine state of being. Cure themself to the natural optimistic disposition by blowing up to someone’s face and proceeding to go with their day unbothered.   

Capricorn moon. Incapable of giving approval or being positive about anything. See three steps forward except only for the situations going wrong. Hence dissociate when they’re supposed to feel happy. The soul leaves their body when entrapped by loud people. 

Aquarius moon. Have ideas about feelings. When exposed to simple emotional stimuli fall into a theoretical spiral. Like to look for the signs and parallels. Without a social circle are like fish without water. 

Pisces moon. Kid lost in the mall vibe. Dreamed a more exciting life and are living it. Need alone time to survive but also kinda hate it?? Always care, would lose at the speed of light in the idgaf war. Do art please. 

[michanvalentine]

Since I talked about my favorite sad Astarion lines, today I’m indulging in some of the funniest ones instead! There are obviously so many—he’s always a delight, at least by my standards. I adore him because, among other things, he’s truly an embarrassing little gremlin. I swear, I don’t know how anyone finds him annoying when teasing him is the most entertaining thing in the world! xD

"Next time? No, no, no." This entire scene has become iconic. It’s simply amazing—what he says, how he says it. I could watch it on a loop with a dumb grin plastered on my face the whole time. He’s absolutely losing it, completely unhinged, and I love him for it. I don’t care about the disapproval, I don’t care that he got splattered under Lathander’s monastery, and I don’t even care about the gold I had to pay Withers for his resurrection. I’d do it a thousand times over, just to have him scream in my face again! xD For the record, the first time I played, I had no idea what was going on and grabbed the weapon without thinking. Then, in full panic mode, I smashed the whole contraption, not even realizing I could escape. The second time, I did things properly and solved the puzzle. But the third time? I went there with the sole purpose of making Astarion lose his mind. It was premeditated. I left him there while I happily ran away, fully knowing what would happen to him. Forgive me, little Star, you know I love you. <3

"Can we kill them? Please, pretty please?" This one caught me off guard, but I absolutely adore it. Neil is, as always, brilliant. It kills me because everything about his body language—on top of the tone of his voice—screams how badly he wants to do it. After all, he’s a vampire, a predator, and as such, he has certain instincts. He crouches slightly, leans forward, and just the thought of it practically makes him pant. A real, proper vampire, who’s almost about to come in his pants at the mere idea of spilling blood. <3 But there’s also a bittersweet note here. The line makes me laugh so much, especially because, among other things, he’s asking for permission to do something horrible in such a cute and playful way. But that’s just it—Astarion is asking for permission from Tav/Durge, subtly emphasizing the dependent relationship that binds them, especially in the beginning. It’s almost like he’s addressing his new master.

"It's not you, it's me. I have standards." I die every time I hear this line, every time I see that smug, punchable face of his when he says it. It’s never actually happened in any of my playthroughs, but it always makes me laugh out loud—complete with a head shake at how utterly… insufferable he is. Seriously, how can you not love him? And let’s be real—his actual standards? The average Astarion-approved partner is a drunken whoremonger at a brothel, probably a full-blown degenerate. I love how he tries to act all refined, as if he’s some discerning, high-class individual who only picks the best. Yeah, sure, babe. Anyway, Tav/Durge must have really pissed him off to get a response like that. But still, I can’t help but laugh—and, weirdly enough, find it kind of endearing. Because even though he’s got the most slappable face in that moment, he's also hiding his vulnerability, and that’s exactly what makes it so good. Astarion is a walking contradiction, and that’s what makes him such a brilliantly layered character—one who constantly makes you feel a whirlwind of emotions, often conflicting ones.

"Gods above, look at you..." No, I’m done. I’m dying. You transform into a horrifying monster with unsettling fangs and four clawed arms, you get horrified stares, concern, and even a full-on scolding from the entire camp—and then there’s him. He just lifts his gaze, completely unfazed, and says this in an almost admiring, even flirtatious tone. The contrast in reactions absolutely kills me. Sure, Astarion is a vampire, a monster in his own right, but there’s a big difference between a smelly Slayer and a pale, well-dressed, ridiculously handsome elf. There's also the possibility that, after everything he’s been through with Cazador, nothing truly horrifies him anymore. But what I love—besides how hilarious this moment is—is that, out of all the companions, he probably has the fewest lines where he actually judges Tav/Durge. At most, he might call them naive if they act like a hero or see the world as a just place. But beyond that? He doesn’t criticize. He accepts almost everything.

"You have a type, don’t you? Elven prostitutes." This line completely caught me off guard—I had to actually stop and think about it to fully get it. And even then, I kept questioning whether he was really saying what I thought he was saying. And yes. Yes, he absolutely is! I lost it. At first, I didn't even connect the dots that he was talking about himself, so obviously, if I’d been visiting brothels and then ended up with him, I had a type! xD I know, I know—the subtext is actually kind of sad. But that's exactly what makes the line so brilliant! Once again, it’s layered with meaning. There's a bit of resentment, his low opinion of himself, his harsh realism, and of course, his ever-present sarcasm. And yet, it’s still funny. Honestly, I’ve never encountered a character before Astarion who can express so much and evoke so much in just a single line. <3

"I'm actually a princess of House Nightstar." This one kills me every time. Especially the way Neil spits out the name of the tarrasque, Jhonatan. The moment I hear "Jhonatan," I completely lose it. This is, of course, pure sarcasm—his go-to defense mechanism to keep people at arm’s length and wriggle out of uncomfortable situations. Tav/Durge is telling him not to hide things anymore, and we all know Astarion hates talking about himself, especially when it comes to painful or difficult topics like his scars or the deal with Mephistopheles. And naturally, this is how he responds. I just can’t! He’s such an idiot! I love him. And for the record... Jhonatan is one of us! A fantastic husband, I’m sure of it! Someone should absolutely write an Astarion x Jhonatan fanfic. xD

I'll stop here for now. I have a million more favorites I could add, but honestly, pretty much everything Astarion says deserves a discussion of its own! Maybe, when I just can't help myself anymore, I'll make another post about his other fantastic lines. xD

[3rd-shrike]

another theory of who the @askoverkill director is: siffrin. obviously!

but, well. specifically ISAT siffrin.

i've been giddy since loop's reveal, because it means that this theory i've been holding onto since i read through the entire blog a few days ago holds more water!! i mean, there's a lot of evidence to touch on!!! (so please expect this to be lengthy and FULL of images... sorry!!)

references on a character design level to specifically events related to ISAT's siffrin, loop's attitude towards the siffrins (including themself), and a buncha other things like choices in worldbuilding that might be me nitpicking but still lend the idea a bit more credence... this au makes me insane i think.

i'll be discussing it down here:

✦ "regarding the director's character design..."

let's start with the most direct and blatantly obvious reference to ISAT sif!

the star on their chest.

unlike loop's current star (which has remained mostly consistent with their star in ISAT), this one is lopsided & more reminiscent of a crack, with the edges spreading outwards in lines. and gee, i wonder where we've seen that star before...

the star that happens when siffrin & the king attempt to say their country's name. i should also point out that these kind of cracks are similar to the ones seen in the sky once you get past the king in act 5, which are a result of siffrin's just-about-giving-up of his wish.

not only that but the spiraling eyes! the 2-lined white star!

i also wonder who that could be referencing...

(please disregard the empty box, that's where the battle sprite is)

while you could argue that the spiral can be taken from loop's image when you lose the act 6 battle, i'd say that mal du pays' spiral eyes have more significance, since we often see loop with mostly normal eyes, while the only close-up of mal du pays eyes we see is a spiraling one, and they are literally a representation of siffrin's fears and self-hatred.

the star, too, is drawn differently to the way loop's star is! loop's eyes, both in ISAT & in overkill, are drawn with a more average, rounded star. siffrin and the director's star pupils, in comparison, are drawn very simply with just two intersecting lines. no rounding, no sharpening of the points, just a cross.

and a bit more conceptually, in contrast to loops' star head, the director's head is described as a black ball, and when combined with the black & white mask + the shining light... it almost feels like an eclipse, or a black hole (though this one's a bit of a reach).

✦ "regarding loop (and the siffrins, a little)..."

a bit more abstract & loosely connected to the theory, but loop exists!!! seeing as their star has barely changed from its usual upright four-pointed glory (other than it becoming rougher/frizzier & looking more like a blood splatter at sometimes), i'm inclined to believe that this is still loop-as-in-saap-siffrin.

(as mentioned previously,) they also have the rounded red star in their eyes that they get in the second phase of their act 6 boss battle (and in their special attack frame), and the double spike + closed eye seems to be taken from that too.

and if we take into account their heavy experience with guiding the siffrins (and genuine shock at there being a kid), their mentions of a 'usual' script for them to follow, absolute resignation and exhaustion with having to lead these siffrins to their deaths over and over and over again... it really feels like loop's been there from the start. you'd be preeety hard-pressed to make a copy of loop specifically, so that leaves either ISAT sif or another siffrin we've not known yet, and i'm more inclined to believe the former's more likely, given the (probably mocking) reference to loop's "royal we".

✦ "regarding other things referencing ISAT events..."

there are a few things to mention! first of all: the sky breaking. the world ending.

this all reminds me very heavily of act 5's... everything, really. the sky breaking into the signature red, the mentions by the party & loop of sif's wish ending/breaking the world. it all feels waaay too relevant to ignore, and that word choice definitely feels on point.

and then there are the curses! the theatre & blood curses. turns you into a puppet, and makes you rot while alive. very thematic. very reminiscent of a certain someone's spiraling thoughts.

and more recently, the explanation for the outer & inner loops!! this one fucking blows my mind away, bc jegus christ that's so cool??? but it also makes sense if you consider a LOT of ISAT siffrin's thoughts about the time loop in act 4 & 5:

the director's not only got siffrin dying over and over, but they've got the entire play repeating again and again. it makes sense, especially if ISAT sif felt like that was basically the highlight of their lives (in true king fashion), not to mention the reason all of them ever met. and if mira is considered the director's "favourite actor", then it's only natural that the outer loops (likely triggered by zem) would start from the beginning of the crisis, from mirabelle's dormont, when the play truly started.

finally, there's also the little bits of words we can see in the director's reference sheet! (courtesy of @shadowedfaith048)

likely hinting towards this being post-ISAT in some way! and bearing in mind the "a bad wish" at the bottom, it can be assumed that a lot of this might be the unfortunate result of wishing (and maybe wishes being broken, who knows!)

✦ "in conclusion..."

i believe that, in some way, the director is ISAT siffrin after something went awry with their (or even just a) wish. maybe it isn't even just ISAT sif! ze could be two or more sifs stuffed in a trench coat! and maybe the worst possible ending happened during the act 5 battle w/ bigfrin, and the ensuing world-ending & destruction from giving up their wish was amplified by a hundred. maybe this happened after act 6, some time after sif did get his happy ending. i do believe that at the very least, this had to have happened after ISAT's act 4. too much red in there for me to believe otherwise.

i might reblog & update the evidence list as the story progresses, so please don't take this as final!!! new evidence could come out that might result in inconsistencies for this theory, lore drops could further push it to be true, (again) who the hell knows!!

and for myself? i'm just having the time of my life connecting possible dots and going insane over this au lmao

[zeravmeta]

talking about a certain hundred line route, obvs spoilers

I think the Cult of Takumi route is kind of genius in how it's actually pretty easy to stumble into and serves as an exceptional tone setting route for those looking to 100% the game, or at least hunt for a few more endings.

Here's the thing, the Cult Route is preceded by choices that seem pretty obvious to take on the surface if you share even a modecum of Takumi's goals in saving all his friends: sparing Eito, Takumi revealing his foreknowledge, and saving LDA vs SLDA on day 9/10

Now, if you're anything like me you probably went into the first loop thinking "alright how do i save all my friends this time, let's do less warcrimes" so sparing Eito initially seems like a good idea, you'd want that golden route ending where everyone manages to make it. Revealing your foreknowledge also seems like a good idea, it's a really easy thing to prove and the cast trusts you immediately as well, and going in blind and undivided is what caused all the problems in Route 0, so a unifying force in providing foreknowledge seems good. Going to save SLDA seems pretty obvious too, not doing so would result in Moko disappearing initially, but the fact that Takumi inadvertently buffed the commanders by going back in time also means that it's far likelier that ALL the SDLA members could die this time, PLUS you're right there, surely the LDA can survive ONE battle without you.

However, the game punishes you for this last choice by permakilling Darumi, one of Takumi's first friends in Route 0. Darumi's death hangs over him and serves as a constant reminder not only that your choices have consequences, but that you might not actually be making things better this time. Foreknowledge doesn't necessarily mean an easy go this time, and Takumi is faced with the risk that going back like this might actually make things far worse. This continually sticks with Takumi throughout the preceding days and haunts him before it gets even worse: The sacrifice choice between Kyoshika, Tsubasa, and Takemaru.

Kyoshika is terrified to die but still chooses to offer herself up, Tsubasa is even moreso because she didn't even expect to be a sacrifice option, and Takemaru... nudges you to choose him. Out of the three, he seems the most prepared for this.

Takemaru, the second of Takumi's first friends.

In Route 0, Takumi's first friends were Hiruko, Eito, Darumi and Takemaru. Hiruko did not last long and Eito was a traitor, but Darumi and Takemaru were Takumi's closest friends who continued to support him throughout Route 0. And for the Cult Route to form, he loses both of them.

Both of these deaths are what stuck with Takumi the most, even well into the ending of the Cult Route where he thinks of honoring them while taking over the world, but it's the starting point for him taking Yugamu's funny pheromone hentai drug, and it only gets worse because of Sirei. Sirei initially makes Takumi a leader, something he already doesn't want to be, but also sets the seed to make Takumi a cult leader. Initially, Takumi keeps swearing up and down that this is just a temporary measure to keep everyone united, that once they reach day 100, he can have this removed, but after Takemaru's sacrifice, there are no other big choices except for the very last day: choosing between Nozomi and Eito in making a cure.

However, the game punishes you again, this time for choosing Nozomi. If you try to correct the course and not be a fucked up pheromone alpha male guy right at the very end even if it might cause further problems (which I imagine is the FAR more chosen option, I'd love if this game revealed metrics on what choices people made the most), Takumi is left paralyzed and forced to watch as the cast brutally beat Nozomi to death, ending on a scene of Eito having his way with Takumi as he's stuck being a living idol.

The fucked up thing, though, is that if you choose Eito, this route really does work out in all their favors in the long run. Takumi managed to save most of his friends this time and reconciled with Eito, all of them as a collective take charge of both the planet and humanity and forcibly end the war, ensuring a better future that isn't a dead end for either humanity or the futurans, which we know because Takumi's inner monologue makes a point of bringing humanity to heel so that they don't wipe out the futurans. Takumi lost two friends but ultimately the entire situation is resolved in a way that doesn't damn either side to extinction.

But it's also horrific. The technically better for everyone ending is also one of the morally worst. Takumi is warped physically and mentally into this egotistical alpha male cult leader with all his friends being living subservient slaves and he uses a newly brainwashed Nozomi as a doll to replace Karua. Even with access to Takumi's inner monologue where he is presented as genuinely caring for all his friends, it's still a horrific turn to see Takumi this warped, justifying these actions with what are, in fact, tangibly better results compared to last time.

And I think that's so genius that this route with minimal casualties and a defined, almost hopeful ending for the future is also presented as so morally twisted, because this route I think is remarkably easy to stumble into if you're doing your best to try and save the whole cast: You tried to make all the 'good' choices, you try to save everyone and minimize as many casualties as you could even at the cost of your morality and principles, but even a 'good' ending isn't necessarily a better one.

And if this is one of the first endings you get, it really sticks with you for every choice going forward in hunting other endings. Just how much worse could things be?

[statementlou]

ZAYN'S FIRST TOUR I can’t believe it’s over guys… like not only my shows, but also the WHOLE TOUR, it’s like a double punch, that was so fucking fun!! But also it’s just the fucking start, by the end he was having so much FUN, we’ve really got him hooked and cleansed of his demons now yall, it is ON and I’m so excited. It was weird having tickets first to the opening show of the whole tour, and then it got changed to somewhere in the middle, and then it got changed again to the LAST two shows of tour, a whole rollercoaster, and not getting the opening show after all was disappointing but in the end I loved getting to go to the end of it. I loved watching the lives- starting out saying, oh I’ll just watch the first one probably, but then it was so good and he ended up being so much fun that I just didn’t want to miss a thing, and the change from start to finish… honestly mind blowing. I went on the first SF night with fellow livestream gang girlie @justanothershadeofblue but also with @uhoh-but-yeah-alright and @homosociallyyours who had not been watching the lives or videos at all, didn’t know the setlist, etc, and seeing him up there just ON FIRE, yelling and bouncing and chatting, so outgoing and excited and comfortable laughing and teasing and playing off the crowd and hitting every mark… I could say to them, wow at the beginning he was so nervous and awkward and mumbly and would mess up and have to be like oh uh can we restart that song all the time and didn't interact with the crowd at all, this is really different, but how can anyone really believe that when he’s just owning the space and yelling FUUUUCK YEAH!! every couple minutes at the top of his lungs?? Incredible!! The BLOSSOMING we've witnessed these last few months has been a fucking gift, for real, I'm so proud and happy for him.

Anyway more specific show thoughts: I danced and waved my arms around like an absolute idiot the whole time it was great, he was SO FUNNY and fun, the energy feedback loop of him getting so excited by us being hype and it feeling so good to make him so happy and getting even more hype, SO FUN, I loved that he seemed to be genuinely excited by the idea of San Francisco for whatever reason even if he did call it San Fran about 8000 times like a giant nerd, like I’m very lucky to live somewhere where I get to see them at all but after how Harry and Louis for example play out in the outlying areas and plus treat Bay Area shows as an afterthought to deal with on their way to LA it felt really nice, and I also felt super blessed to get to go to the end of the zour because although throughout he had struggled some with learning to sing SO MUCH AT A TIME without losing his voice (Zayn HIRE HELENE) and had to be conscious of that, on that final night he didn’t have to worry and just went for it and it was EVERYTHING, and! Most important of all! Even though at least for me I think night one was superior on night two the most important thing of all happened, something I will treasure forever even though I didn’t get it on video and didn’t even realize what I was experiencing until right after it happened: I, bander, was in the room when Zayn Malik said my favorite Zayn Malikism of all time right there in front of my salad, I experienced the beloved WHOOPSEH DAISEH with my own two ears!! So grateful, so zlessed, life is good! He also said vas happening but idk what to tell you, I’m a whooseh daiseh girlie forever I loved every minute of this tour, and can’t wait for the shows coming up, and also the circumstances were so shit and it doesn’t make Liam’s death any less tragic nor have I forgotten: but I am really glad that as a fandom we got something nice and fun and happy during this time, we really needed that. Was thinking last night though about how when we got the tickets for this Megan and I were like holy shit we never thought Zayn would tour, now we really will get to see 5/5 playing solo shows together, we’ll just need to go see Liam sometime after this…. it’ll be 4/5 forever now. But not the 4 you would have guessed a year ago, and I am truly happy for Zayn that he's been able to feel the joy of performing again, and in a lot of ways probably for the first time it's been like this.

[verysium]

blu lock top artists on Spotify??? i need your thoughts on it

anon you had me pulling up my spotify playlists and browsing through the entirety of genius.com for three hours straight. i'm going to tweak this prompt a little bit and include specific songs that best represent them since it's easier for me to explain that way.

RIN

the fanon answer for this is chase atlantic. while their songs do encapsulate parts of his personality (mostly the edgy teenager and disillusioned youth persona), i feel like this choice does not do his full character justice.

the canon answer for this is king gnu, more specifically the song "prayer x." i can picture this since rin seems like the type to enjoy alternative rock/indie, but the fact that it's the ending theme to banana fish is what gets to me. like...do you see yourself in ash or something? i hope you don't cus it doesn't end well. that anime had me bawling my eyes out for months, and i still can't think about it without breaking down again.

furthermore, the lyrics and music video to this song are very cryptic and borderline nihilistic. for example, "hiding behind this nonchalant smile" and "my life's spark will wink out of existence." i feel like this speaks volumes about rin's mental health and internal thought process. he obviously does not process his emotions normally and instead represses them. he also struggles with the idea of finding a purpose in what is otherwise a cyclical routine with no end. he's worried and, quite frankly, afraid that if he ever stops pursuing his dream, everything will come crumbling down, and he will have to face all the demons he's avoided for so long. the main theme here is that he cannot face his reality (the fact that sae's dream is not his own.) so he does everything in order to escape this fact even if it ultimately destroys him.

from my own playlists, i'd assign him the following songs/artists:

"beautiful boy" by john lennon

this is a love letter to baby rin. i feel like he would've enjoyed this song as either a lullaby or something he listened to on car rides to the beach during summer vacations. he probably still listens to this when it's raining outside or he's had a bad day. reminds him of his childhood and the good parts of it.

"the love club" by lorde

this is something pre-teen rin listened to. the irony is spot-on, and i feel like the lyrics would be relevant during a time when he was going through his rebellious phase and fully fleshing out his place in society. in this instance, the club would metaphorically be wherever his brother is at, whether that's the guys sae meets in spain or the group of football players considered "top-notch" in japan. everything is about finding a place in this club/clique in an effort to become free and differentiate himself from others. the only problem is that rin ironically loses his freedom because he tries so hard to be among the best. he signs his life away in pursuit of a dream, and it's something that now defines him.

"the only problem i got with the club / is how you're severed from the people / who watched you grow up"

this lyric in particular could apply to either one of the itoshi brothers. it's one of the caveats that comes with fame. you gain everything, but you lose everything before that. both of the itoshis likely experienced some amount of separation from their loved ones, including each other. also lorde's vocals are beautiful as always, so there's no reason not to include this song.

"howlin' 404" by DEAN

the production for this song is on point. the intro has a segment from a 1930s american horror radio program which is fitting because rin canonically watches horror movies. i think this song is something rin might listen to during cold autumns or midnights when he just can't sleep.

lyrically, there is the motif of a time loop which is also present in "prayer x." rin's character itself just has this connection with the raw grittiness of existentialism and this idea of repeating days without purpose. (in fact, he would make a great psychological thriller lead.) rin is also a control freak. if he lets one loose end go, it will unravel the entire thing. that matches up with the idea of "killing me softly." rin would rather prolong his pain than have it ripped from him all at once and leave him with nothing. i find this in a lot of people in real life too. even if your trauma wasn't good for you, it sometimes becomes the only thing you truly own. it's like that one quote from bojack horseman. "if i don't, that means that all the damage i got isn't good damage, it's just damage." rin feels like he has something to prove, and if he fails, all his suffering would've been for nothing.

"moonchild" by RM

i may be a bit biased since i love the mono mixtape, and i've written a rin fic about celestial bodies, but....this song just fits him. there's also a remarkable similarity with the lyrics of the previous songs i've listed. i'm just going to list a few:

"smiling in endless pain / you know / there's no freedom when you say freedom out loud"

one thing i love about RM is that he doesn't shy away from character flaws. he writes songs specifically for those who are always picked last, who aren't remarkable in any way, who feel weighed down by their normality. he gives them their spotlight and due diligence. for example, the entirety of the chorus is a repeat of "moonchild, you shine." i find this interesting since it's usually the sun that shines. but the sun is already sae, and rin is relegated to being the moon. yet even though the moon doesn't have its own light (it merely reflects the sun), it still shines bright in the darkness. rin doesn't know it yet, but he himself is a big role model for others such as isagi, his fans, and people just like him. so yeah....i'd take this song as a message of hope for future rin.

SAE

the fanon answer is lana del rey, and i would agree to a certain extent. under the right circumstances, he could become one of those dreamy, emotionally stunted, and tired men you guys all lust over. if y/n ever wrote a romantic song about him, it would be either "west coast" (for the spanish influences) or "art deco" (for the vibes.)

the headcanon answer is nothing. i don't think he listens to music much. even if he did, it would be probably classical/instrumental or just white noise for his long flights. i imagine him listening to erik satie's "gymnopédie no. 3" on a train ride or something.

from my own playlists, i'm going to give him these songs/artists:

"remind me" by röyksopp

i don't know how to explain this, but this song gives a bittersweet sense of nostalgia. think early 2000s when the TV footage was still grainy and had retro graphics. you're carrying around your mini mp3 player whilst wandering through the airport and wondering how the hell you even ended up there. that's the general ambience of this song.

lyrically, the song also matches well with sae. i'm going to give you a few examples:

"it's only been a week / the rush of being home in rapid fading"

again, this is a tribute to the disconnection sae feels from his home. he goes everywhere, but he belongs nowhere. when he finally returns to japan, he finds himself missing spain. when he's in madrid, he thinks about the ocean back in kamakura. there never is a place that truly fills that gaping hole in his chest. i also feel like sae experiences FOMO on a whole other level. he constantly feels like something is wrong/missing and he's not doing enough.

"brave men tell the truth / the wise man's tools are analogies and puzzles"

the idea here is that though sae is blunt with his words, he is a coward with his intentions/true feelings. he can brutally call out someone without hesitation, but to actually reveal his own truths and motives? he'd rather shrivel up in a hole and die. this is especially applicable to love. to him, a wise man is someone who doesn't open his heart up easily. instead, he hints at his feelings, and whether or not you can figure that out is on you. sae hates it when others play games with him. it's where his hypocrisy lies. he demands straightforward honesty from others, but he himself will unintentionally play games with you if it means he can hide himself behind his walls.

"a woman holds her tongue / knowing silence will speak for her"

this is the closest you guys are ever going to get to sae itoshi's ideal type. he loves people who don't need to say something for him to believe it. they just get it. your silence is automatically enough for him to know that you love him. similarly, you don't even need to speak a word to understand what he's feeling.

"night shift" by lucy dacus

this song is sae if he was that one ex-boyfriend who really fucked you up emotionally, and you never got over him even though you said you did. now that i think about it, the story could be told from either POV. this could be sae trying to erase you from his mind, or it could also be you post-breakup.

"you've got a 9 to 5 / so i'll take the night shift / and i'll never see you again / if i can help it"

i know this one lyric caused controversy all over tiktok, so i'm going to add my own interpretation. at face value, this is exactly what it says it is. sae doesn't want to see you again, nor do you. he's willing to go out of his way just to avoid you, and truthfully he would. when sae finds himself in trouble, he doesn't look for something new to fix him. instead, he cuts everything off and subtracts anything that is deadweight. if you're out of his life, then you're out of his life. he's not coming back for you (or at least that's what he says to convince himself). same thing with rin. he knows he hurt rin, but he's not going to go back and try to make it right. he's going to move on and try to justify his actions every step of the way. one day, rin will move on too, and then sae would have been right all along. (unfortunately, that is not the way things work, but that's a lesson for another time.)

the alternative interpretation is that y/n is the other woman. this could be literal as in sae already has someone else in his life, and he only sees you at night. you're only ever going to be the night shift. it could also be metaphorical as in you're merely a distraction in the grand scheme of things. you're the mistress, but football is his wife if that makes sense. his career will always take precedence.

"you get me so high" by the neighborhood

this song is all the words sae wished he said to rin but never did. it made me cry because everything would have been so different if they had just set aside their pride and truthfully sought each other out.

"hope you don't regret it / i pushed a lot back but i can't forget it"

repressing feelings seems to be a recurring issue with the itoshi brothers. like....maybe if i just push it out of sight, it will also go out of mind. and at its core, this all stems from fear. fear of facing the consequences, the hypotheticals, the terrifying realization that you did something you regret and there really is no turning back from it. but realistically, if you think about it, a lot of this is the byproduct of overthinking. sometimes the situation isn't as complicated as we might make it out to be. sometimes an apology doesn't fix everything, but it's a proposition to be something more, an attempt at a solution. but sae and rin are so blindsided by their own internal turmoil that they cannot see this.

"for a long time i took it all for granted / i really thought we had it / but at the time it was more than i could manage"

ah....the "taking for granted" part. i could ramble on about that for hours. i think it really is some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy that we never miss something until it's gone. and in a way, it's not something that we can always control. the value you assign to a person/object when you have it is going to be fundamentally different from the value you assign to it when it's no longer in your grasp. that's how scarcity works. something with a limited supply is always going to be worth more. the vice versa works as well. you might yearn after something but then throw it away the moment you finally have it and grow tired of it. this sort of dilemma that comes with appreciation is so common i really wouldn't blame the itoshi brothers for what they did. it is immensely difficult to know when you're going to lose something or when you need to let it go. and sometimes it's hard to be constantly grateful for what you have because many of us are wired to want something more. tbh that's what makes the itoshis relatable.

"if we can leave it all behind us / and meet in between"

now sae would never say this unless he himself had actually reflected on what happened and fully processed it. but maybe in the future, they could set aside their differences and reach out to each other. (this is how i cope)

"but i just had to let you know / i never meant to hurt you, though / i had all my motives / i didn't know they wouldn't mix with your emotions / i just had to reach my goals / never knew i'd meet you though"

that's the thing with personal ambition. sometimes you get so caught up in yourself, you forget all about others. and this isn't really selfishness, or at least intentional selfishness. it just sort of happened that way. you never meant to hurt them, but you still somehow did.

"we should stick together / you're my best friend / i'll love you forever"

yeah....this line was the one that did it for me. something about the dysfunctional sibling dynamic just eats away at my insides. like....i could've loved you, we could've been so much together, but why aren't we? what we have isn't hate, but it isn't the love i know and crave either.

"we could be the greatest / it doesn't matter if we're never rich or famous"

ok but if rin ever heard this leave sae's lips, i think all of his trauma would just be magically healed. he just wants his brother to see him. like fully see him and love him. but alas, what is blue lock without angst, am i right?

"love in the dark" by adele

now i don't think sae would ever listen to adele, but the lyrics are just too fitting. i was going to write a fic on this, but it's going to have to ferment a bit in the drafts for now. basically this is the entire rin/sae traumatic scene but as a melodramatic torch song with adele's heavenly vocals.

"take your eyes off of me so i can leave / i'm far too ashamed to do it with you watching me"

um...this is literally sae's internal monologue??? i feel like letting go of things is something both the itoshi brothers struggle with. their lives are constantly pulling them in different directions, and eventually they become numb to it all. they don't form any strong attachment to anything besides football because that's the one thing that won't change for them. in a way, this is necessary for their character development (in the sense that they need to discern for themselves what to keep and what to let go), but it also destroys any sense of belonging they might have (hence why they feel lonely.)

"don't try to change my mind / i'm being cruel to be kind"

sae would definitely say this. like word for word. if only he wasn't a vague dumbass with no communication skills.

"i can't love you in the dark / it feels like we're oceans apart"

this is literally their dynamic in one lyric. there is the physical distance, and then there's the emotional distance.

"we're not the only ones, / i don't regret a thing / every word i've said, / you know i'll always mean"

this sort of reminds me when sae said that the world is huge, and there's so many players way better than him out there. i think spain really gave him a reality check, and he grew angry at rin when rin couldn't understand his disillusionment.

"everything changed me / and i don't think you can save me"

adele sort of echoes this softly at the end of the song. i feel like sae would do that too. he wouldn't admit his own insecurities until the very end, and only then does the truth come out.

"i'll sleep when i'm older" by bruno major

this is sae when he's older and fully mature, preferably after he meets you. he finally decides to damn it all and do what he wants.

"conversations with elders and the wisdom they bring ... / the view from an aeroplane at twelve thousand feet"

sae views things that previously annoyed him in a new light. he used to hate his elders, but he visited you and your mother once, and something changed within him. now he calls his parents more often, and his eyes linger on the old couples near the park benches. sometimes, his gaze softens just a bit when he imagines the two of you growing old just like them.

flights used to be a mundane part of his routine, but now he finds himself leaning over your window seat to see the mountains down below. the clouds and sunny weather set him aglow. and you just look so pretty when you fall asleep on his shoulder. he doesn't ever want this change.

"meet god on a mountain top along with the stars / find love somewhere, anywhere / fall deep from the start"

sae used to avoid love, but now he's running at it full-force. people tend to shy away from making sae a romantic because it seems too ooc. however, in the right situation, i think sae could entirely abandon his previous ideals and become someone else entirely. (that's why it's called a character evolution guys.)

"misplace my mind and follow my heart"

again, if you're able to make sae lose all rationality and let his heart guide him instead, then you've really done something. kudos to you for penetrating the walls of the coldest asshole known to mankind.

"i'll be a firework, not a flickering flame / treat life all around me like a one-player game"

this one lyric applies both to younger and older sae. younger sae is someone unafraid of risking it all if it means he can achieve something worthwhile. it doesn't matter how many players he has to defeat, how many people he has to leave behind. in this world, it is just him and the goal he has to accomplish.

however, after he's mellowed out after a few years (i'd say around middle age), he probably reinterprets this as something else. he's not going to constrain himself to his tunnel vision anymore. there's so much more to life than that.

"i'll go to the party and forget all the names / should it climb back to haunt me, / it ends all the same"

sae finally lets himself live the life he never thought he'd have. he does stupid things like get drunk and make a fool of himself. but you're there for him, so he doesn't really care. in fact, he can finally say that for the first time in a long time....he's having fun.

KAISER

the fanon answer is the weeknd. i'm not going to lie, i completely agree with this one. i saw this one edit of him to "party monster," and i can say i have been fully enlightened and converted. however, this is not just about a toxic male manipulator anthem. it's much more than that.

this is about running away from the ugliest parts of yourself, becoming a slave to your vices, knowing you're broken somewhere and you can never fix it. i would say his character is most similar to "starboy" in the fact that he literally flaunts everything he has to hide the fact that deep down inside, he really has nothing else to hold onto. "starboy" is all about the status symbol (money, red lamborghinis, glass table girls turning into ebony table girls lol). but at the end of the day, he doesn't really have anything except an empty heart and a satirical quip for all those who made him famous. the same theme applies to "the morning" and "house of balloons."

in the romantic sense, i think "don't break my heart" would represent kaiser. and no, this is not a justification for him being an f-boy. it's more so an exploration of why people might think he is an f-boy. i do not condone his actions, but i do try to understand them. in particular, i feel like the lyrics of "sacrifice" also fit him well.

"i was born in a city / where the winter nights don't ever sleep / so this life's always with me / the ice inside my veins will never bleed"

i headcanon kaiser as being born in either berlin or munich. and if you don't know anything about those two places, just know that you freeze your ass off during wintertime. i think it's interesting how his past could be intrinsically tied with a place, and he takes a piece of his past self with him wherever he goes. the ice in veins part also made me think about how kaiser would rather freeze up every weakness within himself than let them run free and make him human.

"every time you try to fix me / i know you'll never find that missing piece"

guys...did you hear that? to all you delusional people out there, this is your service announcement. you cannot fix someone who does not want to be fixed. write that down and memorize it. all meaningful change starts with a shift in mindset, and if they themselves are not in the right headspace to recognize that something is wrong and actively want to change, you're not going to get anywhere. so yeah....kaiser is not going to change unless HE starts doing the changing.

"i hold you through the toughest parts / when you feel like it's the end / 'cause life is still worth living"

i think this lyric sort of explores kaiser's dynamic with ness. on one front, he is the one picking ness up from his miserable past and instilling a sense of hope into him (intentionally or not.) but on another front, this could also be a problem. kaiser is almost forcefully optimistic in the way that he believes anything is possible. it has to be possible because there can be no other way. but the thing is.....you have to know your limits sometimes. blind optimism is, ironically, similar to cornering yourself.

"i can break you down and pick you up / and fuck like we are friends / but don't be catching feelings"

this is definitely the type of bullshit kaiser would spew. i could picture a fwb or situationship with him where y/n just constantly receives the short end of the stick. now this may be reaching, but i also feel like this is how kaiser projects his own trauma onto others. he himself clawed his way up to the top and put himself back together every time he fell down. the problem is that he also expects you to be that resilient. he's going to treat you badly because you're supposed to be like him: someone who can overcome everything and strive towards the impossible.

the headcanon answer to his top artist would be keshi. in particular, i think kaiser would fit the vibe of "2 soon" and "drunk." long story short, you finally broke up with him, and he's still reeling from the impact.

within my fics, i envision a dialogue between kaiser and y/n from each one of their perspectives. so based on that, i'm going to assign him the following songs/artists:

"gibson girl" by ethel cain

i know i said earlier that kaiser's character is not solely about toxic manipulation, but you have to understand that all bad habits originate from somewhere. kaiser is innately self-destructive, and he brings you down along with him. this song is about that but from y/n's perspective. there's this idea of trying to find agency in a situation where you have none. i don't have the word count to explain ethel cain lore in all of its naked glory, but all i can say is that this song is a banger and deals with themes like femininity as a performance, finding power in pain, religious motifs, etc.

"glory box" by portishead

this song is y/n's last plea to kaiser before they fully give up on him and leave. i'm also a sucker for anything that involves an exploration of gender dynamics and what it means to be a woman, and this song is riddled with it.

"suffocation" by crystal castles

this is kaiser post-isagi defeat (cue that one scene where he was trying to choke himself.) similar to sae, it's all or nothing with him. he suffers from this feeling of inferiority. everyone made him out to be this great figure of impossible dreams and legends, but look at him now. he's nothing. aren't you disappointed? he had you fooled, but he also fooled himself. so yeah....kaiser is definitely the most self-deprecating out of all of the boys at blue lock.

ISAGI

the fanon answer is laufey, and i also agree. he's so sweet, and laufey's music just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. he would also be that one love that came creeping up on you when you least expected it. "valentine" would be the song for that. i picture a reader who's had a series of unfortunate breakups and is right on the edge of giving up entirely. but then isagi comes along, and it's just so easy to love him. as easy as breathing. and then you think maybe it wasn't so bad after all. you just never found the right one until he came into your life. furthermore, isagi is a jazz pop princess, and you can't convince me otherwise.

the headcanon answer is IU. more specifically, i would say "troll" from her lilac album. i feel like even if you and isagi broke up, it would still be like you two never broke up at all. you're both on good terms, and even though you know it's counterproductive to keep cycling back to each other, you do it anyways. and it's okay because you're both still in love.

from my own playlists, i would assign the following songs/artists:

"winter bear" by v

this is my comfort song. it feels like those big sherpa blankets you tuck yourself under when you're lying next to the heater in winter. isagi would kiss your forehead and nuzzle your nose before you two drifted off to sleep.

"a boy named pluto" by hailey knox

this one is so romantic lol. i also like the dynamic where one party is afraid to love, but the other person loves them unconditionally. that would be isagi. he'd respect your decision and wait for you as long as you need it. but if you're ever ready to give him a chance, just know that he's going to treasure all of you.

"put your records on" by ritt momney

the inspiring thing about isagi is that he never lets anyone put him down. he takes rejection as redirection, failure as room for improvement. and in that way, i think this song encapsulates his resilience. he'd be such a good boyfriend not just romantically but in the way that he would literally pick you back up to your feet, dust you off, and make sure everything was alright.

"fairy of shampoo" by dosii

i picture isagi as someone who falls first and falls harder. he just loves you so much, and he doesn't even need a reason why. i saw somewhere that sometimes you don't love someone because they're your soulmate/twin flame/supernaturally fated other. you love them because you consciously made the decision to. isagi is like that. he loves you on purpose.

helppp why does this sound like an academic paper...i'm sorry anon. i got carried away with this, but i hope u like it.

[holdmytesseract]

Dream or Nightmare?

°☆• Part 2 of Illusions •☆°

Loki Laufeyson x fem!Reader

Summary: Time passes - and Loki just can't forget you. What if he meets you again, but it doesn't turn out how he wished it would? Is there still hope for a happy end?

Warnings: angst - still quite a lot, but also fluff!

Word Count: 5,1k

a/n: I actually didn't plan to write a part 2, but well... Here we are - and I absolutely love it! 😊 Huge thanks to @hadesbabygurl and @smolvenger , who gave me the groundbreaking idea(s)! 😁

I hope this part makes y'all happy! 🧡

Tags:

@lady-rose-moon @huntress-artemiss @muddyorbsblr @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @chennqingg @smolvenger @alexakeyloveloki @theaudacitytowrite @jennyggggrrr @stupidthoughtsinwriting @asgards-princess-of-mischief @eleniblue @vanilla-daydreaming @valencia-rou @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @loz-3 @fictive-sl0th @bunny24sstuff @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @lovingchoices14 @linaax @mochie85 @goblingirlsarah @glitchquake (continuing in the comments)

Masterlist °☆• Loki Masterlist

Time was passing fast - as fast as it could tick by while being 'stuck' at the TVA.

A lot had happened.

Mobius and Loki became best friends, first and foremost. They learned to trust each other and how to work together. Ravonna Renslayer disappeared - only the Norns knew where to, and the 'Time Keepers' had been overthrown and were now replaced by a council - for which everybody who wanted could vote. All of the workers knew now, that they were variants. It was chaotic and messy at first, but Loki and Mobius offered them to get their memories back - which took an awful lot of time, but it was worth it. Friends found each other again, just like family members, couples, classmates - hel, even neighbours.

It was part of the compromise.

For the safety of the time line everybody must stay at the TVA. Time lines still had to be reset, because everybody realised that there were only two ways... Strict order or complete chaos. Sure, it was cruel and unfair, but life just wasn't.

Unlike before, though, variants didn't get pruned as before. They got a thoroughly detailed explanation what was happening and how thinks worked here. They got offered a job. A home to stay. A chance to reunite with other variants they might know. A new life.

And the concept worked.

"Are you still thinking about her?" Mobius' voice urged to Loki's ears, as they sat across from each other in their lunch break; eating a slice of cake for dessert. Well... Mobius ate it. Loki was more or less absent-mindedly poking around with a fork in the poor deliciousness. At Mobius' words, though, he stopped and looked up; being snapped out of his thoughts.

The god sighed; "I think about her every day, Mobius." shaking his head. "I can't forget. Neither the memories, nor what could've been. And especially not Y/N." Like so often, when Loki's brain put him through the torturous memories of what had happend quite a while ago, here, in the TVA, as Mobius threw him inside his very own sweet, cruel dream, tears started to form in his eyes.

Mobius' eyes softened. He felt for his friend and was truly sorry about this tragedy. "I know you can't - and I'm so sorry. I was the one who put you through this." Once again, Loki shook his head. "You couldn't know. Stop blaming yourself." "Says you."

That caused the faintest of smiles to dart over the god's face. It didn't last, though.

"Sometimes I wish I could forget, you know. Get rid of all the heartache and pain. Stop getting tortured, but..." He swallowed hard; trying to hold back the tears. "All I have left of her are my memories." In vain. A single tear was running down his cheek and dripping onto the wooden surface of the table. "But I'd rather die than losing my memories of Y/N. It's a curse. A doom loop."

Mobius sighed. "I wish I could help you... Bring her somehow to you, but... I can't." "I know, Mobius... I know..." Silence spread between the two men, but before Loki could fall deeper into the dark hole which was his own mind, the agent decided to get him - like so often out of it.

"Come on," he said; standing up. "Let's keep on working. Still got a lot to do." Loki agreed and stood up as well. They both cleaned up their place and left the cafeteria, in order to keep on working.

"I see you tomorrow." Loki nodded; giving his friend a faint smile and turned to walk away. "And hey!" The god stopped in his tracks; facing Mobius once more. "Don't think too much. I know it's hard, but... Try it, okay?" "Yeah..." "Good."

Loki's and Mobius' shift had actually ended over an hour ago, but the two worked a bit overtime; keeping Loki distracted and to get some more work done. Now, the god was on his way home, when suddenly B-15 appeared beside Loki.

"Loki."

He stopped; turning to talk to his friend. "Oh, hey B. You good?" She smiled; giving him a nod. "Sure. You, too?" The god faked a smile and nodded. "How's work going?" "Good, but, uh, I'm in a bit of a hurry and... Can you do me a favour?" Anything to distract myself. "Of course, sure. I've got time." Loki shrugged his shoulders and buried his hands in his brown work trousers. "What do you want me to do?"

B-15 held up her TemPad. "Can you bring this to the Repairs & Advancements department?" The god took the TemPad. "Sure. Um, where do I find the department? I think I've never been there."

After B-15 described Loki how he'd get to his next destination, she thanked her friend and left.

Loki headed down several hallways, before he stepped into the elevator; pressing the lowest button. It took the machine a whole while to get him on this very floor. It felt like an eternity for him - but ultimately, the familiar 'ding' tone echoed through the small space and the doors slid open. They revealed a long, high hallway with mint green cabinets lining the right side of the hallway. A lot of different things were stacked on said cabinets.

Loki gazed around; scanning his surroundings. It looked kind of... messy. Chaotic.

Hesitatingly, he stepped out of the elevator and walked cautiously down the hallway. Am I right here? He saw nobody else. Not a single soul. Sure, the lights were on; actually creating a bright and somehow cosy atmosphere, but... Nevertheless was this all a bit creepy. The god kept on walking, until he reached a room. That must be it. Hunter said the first room on the left.

He stepped inside. The room was big, high, utterly chaotic and yet organised. Big kind of racks lined the sidewalls; every shelf filled to the brim. In the middle was a huge oval-shaped counter with several things and stuff laying around on it. Most of them Loki even couldn't name. And whatever it was that hung from the ceiling, Loki had never seen something similar before.

Nobody was to be seen - or well... That's how it seemed. He stepped forward, until he reached the counter - on which stood written in big, black letters: Repairs & Advancements. Must be right, then.

"Hello?"

No answer.

"Hellooo?! Somebody here?!"

Again, Loki received no answer. He waited a few moments; let a few minutes pass - but nothing.

"Why would Hunter send me to this place, if nobody is even here?" Loki said out loud - more to himself; frowning. Shrugging his shoulders, he just placed the TemPad on the counter in front of him and turned to leave - only to completely freeze in motion mere seconds later.

"Wait, wait! I'm here, I'm here! Hello! Don't leave!" A female voice suddenly echoed through the big room; followed by some loud noises. Loki froze in place. He knew that voice. It was all too familiar to him. He didn't hear it in a painfully long time - only in his head; and he thought he'd never hear it again... You. It was your voice.

Loki felt like he was struck by lightning and hit by a truck at the same time. His mind and emotions were running wild. Was this... reality? Could this be true? Or was it again just a cruel illusion? Or by the Norns, did he go mad? Was it all just in his head?

He didn't dare to turn around. Too afraid to be disappointed and heartbroken again, but also curious at the same time; his heart already screaming at him to run to you.

"Apologies! I didn't have a visitor in, uhhh, was it 200 or 300 years... Anyways, please don't go! How can I help you?" There was your voice again. But closer. And Loki couldn't help himself, but to turn around. His head fighting a battle against his heart, which was already lost the moment he heard you call out for the first time.

So, he turned around, slowly; facing the counter once again. His breath hitched in his throat; eyes widening and jaw slacking. Every muscle in his body tensed, but also lost control at the same time.

There you stood, behind the counter with that beautiful kind smile on your face. Your hair was bound together in a messy bun with a few loose strands framing your face. You wore some kind of brown, beige and green overall and looked like a... mechanic?

Tears started to pool in the god's eyes.

"Y-Y/N?" He halfway sobbed; voice hoarse. "A-Are you... Are you real? I-Is this... r-real?"

You frowned; scrunched your nose in the cutest way possible. "I, uh, I think you confuse me with somebody else. My name is Ouroborus, not Y/N - but you can call me O.B."

Loki's facial expression derailed. It felt like getting Hulk-smashed full force - until realisation hit him. She doesn't remember... Of course, she doesn't remember! She's been brainwashed, just like the others.

Loki shook his head frantically, before making quick steps towards you. "No... Your name isn't Ouroborus - and you'll remember me in a few seconds, my love."

You frowned even more and absolutely didn't understand why that strange TVA worker suddenly touched your arm gently. He was gazing into your eyes like you meant the world to him - and you didn't know why. What is wrong with him and why is he so... desperate and shaken?

Shaking your head softly, you pulled your arm away; out of his gentle grasp. "I'm sorry, but, um... Do... Do we know each other?"

Loki's heart fell and shattered into a million pieces at the impact. She can't remember me... Why can't she remember me?! Still!

"W-What?" He breathed out; the tears starting to fall once again. "It can't be..." You could practically feel the desperation radiating off of him. "I-I don't understand, I... W-Why is it not working?"

You watched the strange man pace up and down; ruffling his wild raven curls. What a weird thing to happen... There you were, living your peaceful life, repairing several things the TVA workers send you, with nobody actually visiting you for hundreds of years and suddenly - out of the blue, there was this man and did... that? You honestly couldn't quite believe what was happening in front of your eyes, and yet you felt a wave of... sympathy for him. Compassion.

You got ripped from your thoughts, as you felt two warm, strong hands softly gripping the sides of your upper arms. You blinked, only to realise that the man was leaning over the counter; oceanic blue eyes seemingly staring straight into your soul.

"Y/N, please... Please tell me you can remember...."

He was so close that you were able to actually smell him. Leather; something fresh and fruity you couldn’t point out and a mix of sultry musk and charred wood.

You blinked; softly shaking your head.

"I-I don't, I-"

Loki dropped his hands abruptly with a frustrated, sad sigh and stepped back. His eyebrows slanted, as he lifted his hands to gesture at himself; fingertips literally digging themselves into the clothed flesh of his chest. "It's me, Y/N..."

So slowly, he was frightening you a bit. His sheer maniac frustration. He seemed to be obsessed... with you?

"Sir, I'm really sorry. I-I don't know what happened to you, or the person you are looking for, but I'm asking you to leave now. I'll take a look at that TemPad and send it back as soon as I repaired it."

Loki's body slumped; all hope leaving his body.

Days, weeks, months, years ago, you were so far and unreachable. Now you were so close suddenly, and yet still out of his reach. It wasn't fair.

Loki stumbled backwards, overwhelmed by the whole situation and your request for him to leave.

"I-I'm so sorry... So sorry..." The god mumbled, before literally turning on his heels and running; trying to escape the nightmare he had fallen into. Or was it a dream?

He ran to the elevator, pressing the button quickly; repeatedly - almost as if something was hunting him down. As soon as the doors shut close and the machinery started to move him upwards, Loki pressed himself against the brown wall; breathing heavily. He was completely beside himself; on the verge of losing his mind.

Did that just really happen?

Not knowing what to do, he absent-mindedly stumbled down the hallways of the TVA, until he landed on the doorstep of the little house of his best friend...

His fist hit the wooden door; begging for entrance. "Mobius..." And again. "Mobius, please... Open the door." No minute later, the grey-haired man with the moustache answered the god's pleas and opened up the door.

"Loki?" Mobius asked with a frown; still dressed in the familiar TVA shirt and trousers. His eyes settled on Loki. He saw the tears in his eyes... How puffy and red they were. He could tell that Loki was devastated and... traumatised? It alarmed the agent. He had never seen his friend like that before.

"What happened?!"

A single tear was running down the god's cheek. "She can't remember, Mobius. I-I tried to give her all the memories back, b-but she can't remember... It's not working!"

Loki's words confused Mobius. He hadn't a single clue what this was all about.

"Who, Loki? Who? What are you talking about?"

Loki stared aimlessly into distance; swallowing hard.

"Y/N..."

This confused the agent even more. And he was highly concerned; given the fact that his best friend seemed... disorientated and not quite himself...

Gently grabbing Loki by his shoulder, he urged him to step inside his house. "Come in." The god let himself get 'dragged' inside wordlessly; without any resistance. Mobius guided him to the kitchen; stopping in front of the small dining table and pulling back a chair. "Sit down, take a breath and tell me exactly what happend, okay?" Loki nodded; did what Mobius told him to do and sat down.

Loki needed a moment to sort his thoughts and process what he had just experienced - which wasn't quite easy...

"B-15... She- I met her on my way home after our shift. She asked me if I could bring her TemPad down to the Repairs & Advancements department a-and-" "The Repairs & Advancements department?" "Y-Yes?" Mobius shook his head; visibly trying to think. "I honestly don't know if I was ever down there... Perhaps... Perhaps not... And you went there?" Loki nodded; feeling his emotions get stuck in his throat again. "Yes. I-I found her, Mobius. She's there. S-She-" "Who? Who did you find?" The agent interrupted his friend.

Another tear rolled down the god's cheek; his heart rate picking up at the thought of you. "Y/N... My Y/N..." Mobius' eyes widened. "What?! Y/N? She's there? Here? In the TVA?" Loki nodded; a black curl falling into his face. "Yes, but... She... She can't remember, Mobius. I tried to give her back all the memories, but... It didn't work."

The agent frowned. "What do you mean it didn't work? It worked with everybody here. With every variant. And now you're telling me that Y/N is... immune to it?"

"Yes."

Mobius went silent; answered nothing, and strained Loki's patience with it.

"What am I going to do now, Mobius? I-I can't pretend this never happened. I can't just ignore her! This is the woman I love! My heart, body and soul are yearning for her! I-" "I know, I know," the agent interrupted his friend. "Take a deep breath. We're going to find a way, okay?" Loki nodded; followed his order.

"What if..." Mobius started; thinking. "What if it has something to do with your feelings for her? Could this change something in your magic? I mean... You don't have a past with every other variant here and barely know them, but Y/N is different." Loki shrugged his shoulders; still a bit overwhelmed. "I-I don't know... It shouldn't. After all, it worked with you and Hunter, too - and you are my friends. We do have a past."

Mobius sighed. "Point taken." Loki was right.

"Well, in that case... I currently can't think of another solution than making her fall in love with you again. Perhaps she remembers then."

Loki blinked. "Make her fall in love with me again? You mean... Woo her, take her out on dates and court her properly?" "Exactly."

The god swallowed hard. This was not how he hoped this would go, but what other choice did he have right now?

Loki needed a few days, until he set foot in the Repairs & Advancements department once again. His brain, but especially his heart had a hard time catching up with what was happening... You were constantly on his mind. All day long - and at night, he saw you in his dreams. It was even worse than before.

Now, he stepped cautiously down the lonely hallway towards you again, taking deep breaths. He decided to best start with an apology - and that was exactly what he wanted to do now.

"H-Hello?" Loki entered the big room. "O...Ouroborus?" It felt so wrong to call you by that name and not your real one. "I, uh, I came here to apologise! I didn't mean to scare you. It's just... I lost somebody who was very important to me and you reminded me of her." You suddenly appeared from behind the counter, smiling softly. "Apology accepted. I'm sorry you lost her. Sounds very hard to lose someone important..." The god swallowed again; noticing how hard it was to keep his feelings at bay and under control.

"It truly is. Again... My apologies." "You're forgiven-, uh... What's your name, actually?" You asked with a bubbly giggle. "Loki." "Well, then... You're forgiven, Loki." His name leaving your lips caused a shiver to run down his spine; butterflies running wild inside his belly.

"Thank you."

From that day on, Loki tried to spent as much time with you as possible, in order to test out Mobius' theory and hoping to make you fall in love with him again. He tried to be his funny, charming, mischievous self - but after a while he had the feeling, that he was not making any progress. He took you on 'date' after 'date' after 'date', but that was it. You'd always talk about work, colleagues and the TVA in general. It was not very often, that the conversations became a lot more personal. Loki really tried everything possible to woo you; always stayed positive and didn't give up hope, but the feeling he had was anything but good - and he should be proven right...

Being the gentleman Loki was, he always accompanied you home after each 'date' and made sure that you arrived safely - just like today.

You stopped in front of the small door, fishing out the keys of your handbag and turned the lock, before turning to face the man again. "Thank you, Loki," you said; giving him a soft smile; which he returned. "No need to thank me, dar- O.B. It's a privilege to accompany your date home." Your smile faltered a bit; almost impossible to see, but Loki caught it anyway. Did I say something wrong?

"Good night, Loki. Thanks for paying dinner." He gave you a court nod, "As I said... Privilege." and paused for a moment.

"Would you... Would you like to come over sometime next week? After work? I-I could cook something for us and we could enjoy the rest of the evening with a glass of wine on the sofa." Loki had never invited you to stay at his - until now, and therefore was he slightly nervous. He couldn't help himself. His heart forced him to make the next move; suffering already way too long. The vital organ felt like a decaying rose since you had re-entered the god's life...

Flowers need water to live - and your love was the water Loki's heart needed.

You swallowed hard; body tensing up visibly. Something shifted within your demeanour. He noticed.

"Loki, that... That's really very kind of you and a sweet idea..." Your words send his heart and hope skyrocketing. Could this be finally the moment I waited such a long time for? Like a fool blinded by love, he didn't notice the hesitant undertone in your voice.

"But, uhm... I'm really sorry to say that, 'cause you've been very generous and kind to me... Uhm... I know you try to impress me. And maybe you feel more than just friendship, but... I don't feel quite the same." You took a deep breath; your words felt like a painfully tight grip around the god's heart.

"You are very nice, but absolutely not the type of men I'm into. I, uh, don't want something romantically with you. Sorry..."

And his heart crumbled to dust underneath your hand; all hope came crashing down. Loki wanted to cry and scream from the agonising pain within his chest - but he didn't. Instead, he just nodded wordlessly. "I-I understand. Thank you for your honesty. Good night," he more or less rushed out, before he turned to quickly walk away, since the tears started to already form in his eyes. He had absolute no intention to break down right in front of you. He'd rather do that at home - and he did.

That night and the few nights which followed, the god more or less cried himself to sleep. The small spark of hope he had carried within his body was gone. Extinguished. Non-existent. Nothing was able to cheer him up. Neither his best friend, nor B-15 - who was shocked to learn that she had send her friend unknowingly back to the love of his life. The Norns knew they tried, but... In vain. Just like Hunter and Mobius had no solution for the memory problem...

Loki stopped visiting you. Took his distance; knowing very well that he couldn't just treat you like a friend.

Days turned into weeks, but it was the same like before... Loki couldn't forget you and especially his feelings for you. You seemed to follow him everywhere. He often dreamed of you. Almost every night. A thin line between torture and bliss - until one dream changed everything...

A young Loki came to stand beside his mother; the cape of his ceremonial armour gently billowing in the wind. "I can sense your happiness, son," Frigga started; turning her head to look at him. "I take it your attempts to woo Lady Y/N have been successful?"

Loki blushed in the deepest shades of red at his mother's words. "M-Mother, I, um, w-we..." The young prince stumbled over his own words, trying to explain himself, but the Queen only shook her head softly.

"No chance in denying, Loki. I saw the kiss you shared. And besides, I'm neither blind nor stupid. It was only a matter of time. But finally, we got that kiss." She winked - and Loki literally jumped up in his bed; wide awake. The dream triggered another memory, which had been locked deep down somewhere in his brain. His eyes widened.

A kiss...

Perhaps that was what it would take... A kiss.

Loki had remembered a bedtime story which his mother would tell him and Thor, back when they were small kids. Toddlers, perhaps even. The story was called 'Sleeping Beauty' - a Midgardian fairytale, in which a beautiful princess falls into a deep slumber due to an evil magic spell, and the only way to save her is, of course, true love. So, the handsome prince kisses her - and she awakes.

Isn't the TVA exactly the same somehow?

As stupid as it might sounded, Loki had to try. He'd try anything to get you back.

He jumped out of his bed; quickly slipping into his TVA clothes. A look on the watch told him, that he'd have to get up for work soon anyway, so he had some time to get to you, before his shift started. With a snap of his fingers was he ready to leave his small home; teeth brushed, raven locks tamed and body clean. Usually, he didn't use his seidr for this, but today...

Loki was almost running down the seemingly endless corridors of the TVA, before he reached the elevator and only a few moments later the Repairs & Advancements department. Confident and trusting in the brainwave he just had, the god strutted down the last hallway, separating him from you.

Entering the big, familiar room, he looked around; eyes searching you - and to his luck, he indeed found you. You were standing on the left, in front of the huge shelf, inspecting some... device. Not beating around the bush - and not losing any more precious time, he quickly stepped over to you.

You were deep in thoughts; focused on your work and task ahead. Once the approaching steps had gotten from your ears to your brain, it was already too late.

Being suddenly yanked into someone's arms caused a yelp to escape your lips. "Loki?!" You squeaked with eyes wide open; caught like a deer in the headlights. "What by the Timekeepers are you doing?! Let go of me! I told you I am not-"

The god had heard enough. Before you were able to protest more, he leaned in and captured your lips with his; pouring all his love for you in the kiss.

While Loki relished in the feeling of your soft lips after such a long time, you were shocked. Appalled. You told him he wasn't your type and yet he makes a move on you? How rude... You wanted to push him away and ask him what the fuck he thought he is doing.

You had already lifted your hands; ready to shove him away, when it happened... Your brain felt suddenly like it was about to explode; a dam on the verge of breaking - and it did. Memories exploded within your head like fireworks... Asgard. Your childhood. Your parents. The first time you saw Loki. The first words you exchanged. The beautiful friendship you had shared with him, which melted into your first kiss. You remembered. How he had made love to you for the first time. Every dance and laugh you shared. His proposal. Everything.

You felt relieved; free. It was like the fog in your brain had finally lifted and you could think clear again. You could finally see him.

Your heart threatened to burst from the sudden rush of happiness and love you felt. You had lost Loki, landed in the TVA, were forced to forget him - and suddenly... He was right in front of you.

But then you felt how Loki wanted to break the kiss again - something you couldn't allow him to do. Before he could part his lips from yours, you pulled him quickly back in; literally throwing yourself into his arms. Unbeknownst to you, flew the god's eyes open and widened to the size of plates at your movement. Surprised and shocked, he gave into the kiss; just enjoying the moment - until he had to take a breath.

Deep Y/E/C eyes gazed into his; a teary smile on your face. You slowly lifted your hands to cup his chiselled cheeks; feeling his skin underneath your fingertips after such a long time, sending shivers down your spine. "Loki..."

His name leaving your lips caused his heart to skip a beat, as realisation hit him.

"You remember me?"

You nodded quickly; running a hand gently through his raven curls.

Tears spilled from Loki's eyes like waterfalls as he lifted you up into his arms; spinning you in a circle. You yelped up in surprise, but giggled almost deliriously; wrapping your arms around his neck.

"At last, I finally have you back, my love. I'm so sorry it took me so long to find a way back to you, I should have-" You shook your head; shushing him. "Shhh, my prince. Not now. Don't blame yourself." You pressed your forehead against his. "We have a lot to catch up to, but... Let us enjoy this moment, please. Just... hold me. Let me feel your touch. I've been starving for way too long."

How could Loki possibly refuse your request? He smiled through his tears and wrapped you up securely in his arms; kissing you slow and tender.

"Hey, C-4, have you seen Lo- Oh my goodness. Am I dreaming?" Both, Mobius and the other TVA worker were staring at the end of the hallway. C-4 in confusion and Mobius in shock. "I, uh, don't know? What do you mean exactly, Mobi-" Clapping his fellow co-worker absent-mindedly on the shoulder; eyes fixated on what was happening in front of him, he moved on. "Thanks, C-4. I got this."

You and Loki walked towards Mobius; smiling brightly. Loki had slipped his fingers through yours, holding your hand tightly. Stopping halfway to wait for for his friend, the god couldn't help but to pull you into a gentle kiss, causing you to giggle.

"Loki?" Mobius asked; still not quite believing what his eyes saw. "Am I dreaming this? Is that..." He gestures towards you. Loki chuckled, nodding. "Y/N, yes... My Y/N." His friend smiled. "So... She can finally remember? She has her memories back?" He nodded again; feeling how a lump formed in his throat once more. Happy tears were ready to fall.

"Yes... Finally, she remembers." Loki turned to you. "Darling, this is Mobius. He's my best friend." You smiled at the man opposite of you, stretching out your hand. "Very happy to meet you, Mobius. I'd introduce myself, but I guess my man here did that already, so..." Mobius returned the smile; shaking your hand. "In all those years, the one thing he loved to talk about, was you. It was really sweet." You giggled at his words; seeing Loki blush.

"How did you get her to remember? I thought you couldn't?" Mobius asked, after swallowing the piece of cake. He had invited you to eat a slice of cake together, catching up a bit.

Both, you and Loki smiled lovingly at each other; hands still intertwined. You just couldn't leave your hands off of him - just like Loki couldn't leave his hands off of you. "Well..." You started. "He's my prince. And just like a prince, he kissed me awake." "Because I am your true love." "Just like I am yours."

Mobius' eyes widened. "What? Like in that fairytale? What was its name again?" "Sleeping Beauty," said Loki with a smile. "Yes! That's the one." His friend nodded.

"Exactly like that, Mobius. I kissed her awake - and now she's mine again."