#and I did not let myself entertain this last year even though I thought he was cute bc fresher

[exopelagic]

God help me I may have another crush on a straight boy

[orshii]

Ready To Love

Author: orshii

Pairing: Kwon Soonyoung x female reader

Word count: 5,1 k

Summary: Soonyoung, your best friend and soulmate, lived and breathed football until a devastating injury shattered his dreams. Unable to cope with the loss, he pushed everyone away, including you. Now, faced with the challenge of bringing back the friend you once knew, you must navigate through his pain and rediscover the bond that once held you together. Will you succeed in resurrecting the old Soonyoung, or will his journey lead him down a different path?

A/N: This is my first Seventeen ff lol. Well...yesterday as soon as I woke up, I just needed to write something with Hoshi LMAO. Cause recently he killed me, I love this hair on him sooo much. And his style?? Let's not talk about that...It's just a little drabble I needed to write out of myself, it's not a big deal tho. The story was inspired by Seventeen's Ready To Love ofc, cause I'm in love with that song istg. Okaay bye. (divider)

Life's journey resembles a roller-coaster ride, filled with unexpected twists and turns, but we shall never lose ourselves along the way, if you do, you remain alone with your toxic thoughts, that slowly eat the remaining life out of you. 

When the most important person in your life becomes the strangest person on Earth. My best friend couldn't stop the venom from spreading through his brain, poisoning it and making him believe he was nothing but a breeze of the dark autumn night. Soonyoung was a maximalist, football was his life it made him believe he was perfect, and that nothing could come his way.

But on a rainy game day, that promised a good future for him, he slipped on the wet green field and fell on the ground. Soonyoung's knee buckled beneath him as he slipped on the rain-soaked field, a sharp pain shooting through his leg, rendering him immobile amidst the downpour. Rain fell on his face in slow motion as he was screaming from the pain. That day was the end of the beginning of his career.

Since then, Soonyoung pushed everyone away from him who tried to approach him. Well, the ones he knew his whole life. His parents and me, I was his best friend. In past tense, because since the day of his injury, he did not want to talk to me. And the times when I tried to talk to him, he treated me like he didn't even know me. He looked down on me in front of his new troublemaker friends, making me feel like I was a clown trying to entertain them, whenever I tried to approach him at lunch breaks.

He has been my best friend since we were little. My parents introduced us when we were little to each other as Soonyoung's family lived opposite our house. Since that day we have been inseparable, we did everything together, even though we had different interests, him finding football as his lifesaver and me finding photography that helped me through difficult times of my life. We always adored each other's passion; he supported me whenever I wasn't sure if my photos were good enough. And I always attended his games to support and cheer for him, just be the first to congratulate him whenever they won.

Now that football wasn't there for him, he buried his cheerful past self deep down into his soul and a new careless Soonyoung came to the surface. He got into a new friend group, they were bad guys, and they always partied and got drunk whenever they had time. I couldn't recognize this Soonyoung, as neither did anyone who knew him before. He turned from a harmless hamster to a merciless tiger.

Our university’s football team had the last game of the year, everyone was excited and everyone attended to support their team. Except for one person and it was Soonyoung. The accident happened half a year ago and since Soonyoung isn't part of the team, they are bad, like really bad. They couldn't win a game; the team was falling apart without him. He was their fully trusted captain, who held the team together with his eagerness and his confident aura. Deep down I knew he was glad the team couldn't win without him, if he couldn't play then they deserved not to win.

The game was again a disaster as I watched it with my good friend, she was in the same major as me and we quickly became friends, photography connecting us. Watching the game everyone started to get bored, as winning the match was hopeless, they couldn't win, no matter how hard they tried.

They lost but that did not mean they couldn't throw a party for the sake of keeping the traditions. Everyone was invited, and it was held in a rich guy's house called Hongjoong, who was the new captain of the team, trying desperately to put the broken team's pieces together again. I kind of pitied him, because it was a very hard task breathing life to people who already lost hope. But he was known as a determined leader who would never disappoint his team, and it really seemed he was trying with his whole heart.

When we arrived at the party, my friend already got lost in the crowd as she was a real social butterfly, while I on the other side, liked the quieter places and fewer people. The living room was already full of students, most of them drunk, as they were dancing along to the loud music. Some random lights lighted the living room from time to time, for the sake of this seeming like a club. Through the sweating dancing bodies, I navigated myself to the kitchen to pour myself a drink. The furniture was all white and luxurious, I looked around as I searched for something to drink. I needed to relax a little, as recently I felt overwhelmed with everything I needed to do for the classes, project after project. I stayed up for nights, and on the days coffee was my only savior.

It was unhealthy, but Soonyoung wasn't the only one who got injured that day. Well, just theoretically, because my heart broke every time, I saw Soonyoung fall deeper into the dark and not let me in. It hurt because he was the only person in my life that understood me wholly. I tried to live without him, but it was hard. And seeing him laughing with his new friends made my heart fade into the dark.

"Woah, woah what did that whiskey do to you?" A strange voice brought me back to reality as I didn’t even realize I was pouring out the drink into a glass while I wandered off. I looked up just to meet with Hongjoong's sharp glaze, holding my wrist to stop me from pouring the drink that had already flown down to the kitchen counter.

"Oh—sorry, I got lost in my thoughts." I blushed in embarrassment, trying to find something I could clean the mess.

"It's okay, let me help you." He smiled at me and opened a cabinet to pull out a dry cloth to wipe the whiskey off.

I looked at him frowning. "How did you—", I hit my forehead as I realized this was his house.

He chuckled. "Yes, this is my house, I should know where my things are." He looked so adorable with his blonde hair falling into his eyes as he tilted his head down to clean up the mess I made. He looked so decent, as he was wearing a casual beige pullover paired with blue jeans with cuts on its knees, a lot of accessories in his ears, and on his fingers. When he was on the football field on match days, he always yelled at his team like a lion, trying to keep together his team, but now he looked nothing like that he was just a sweet guy.

"I'm so sorry again for making a mess." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"It's okay it happens." He finished the cleaning and took my glass to pour half of it into an empty glass.

He reached my glass towards me and took the other to his hands. "Let's drink then."

I chuckled at the fact of how casual he was, after all, I was just a stranger to him. "Cheers!" we clinked our glasses together and downed the whole drink in one go. The both of us were making a face when we finished the drink, from the bitter taste and the burning feeling it left behind. We both started to giggle looking at each other's faces. 

Suddenly people streamed into the kitchen as we were laughing, one familiar guy in front looking straight into my eyes. I saw nothing from my past best friend. He looked completely different. His blonde hair which almost seemed like ash was hidden beneath a black cap that was turned backward. His ears were pierced, just as his eyebrows. He was wearing a black sweater, that was oversized, hiding his well-defined body, white crosses on its sleeves, that matched with his blue jeans, with black and white crosses on it. He was the total opposite of the old Soonyoung. He was glaring at me with sharp eyes, I saw a hint of disappointment evident. But I felt more of it, I just hated him with my whole heart.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" Soonyoung clapped as he came closer to us in the kitchen.

"What are you doing here? You were not invited." Hongjoong stepped in front of me, hiding me from Soonyoung, preventing me from hunting me down.

Soonyoung laughed out loudly that sounded fake. "I thought everyone was invited to this party, Captain." He leaned down to Hongjoong, to be on the same height level as him. Their height difference was barely visible from the outside, but Soonyoung looked so intimidating it made the Captain look small. But he did not let it happen. He straightened up and stepped closer to Soonyoung grabbing his collar.

"Everyone is invited. Except you." Hongjoong hissed through his teeth. "Get the fuck out of here!" He raised his voice.

Soonyoung laughed again, sounding the same as before, there was no life in it. His eyes met with mine as he looked behind Hongjoong. His eyes on me made me freeze as if almost to death, it was so intimidating I just couldn't move. I wanted to scream at him, to hit him, to beg for his old self to come back. But all I could do was look back at him with no emotions on my face. Slowly, I turned away, mirroring his detachment. I buried my emotions deep alongside his old self.

"What if I don't want to?" Soonyoung stepped even closer to Hongjoong and pushed him on the chest, Hongjoong's back hitting the fridge.

"Enough! Get the fuck out of here Soonyoung, you are not welcome here." I yelled at him suddenly, surprising him with my sudden impact.

His eyes rounded for a slight second in surprise, probably because I never called him Soonyoung, since we were kids, I always called him Hoshi, he asked me to call him like that when he found out what it meant, since he was obsessed with stars, he always adored them. For a second, I thought that's it, that is my Hoshi, he is still there. But his sharp glare was back in the blink of an eye.

"Are you in search of a new emotional support to replace me?" His question sounded full with disgust. I just couldn't believe this person was my best friend.

After half a year, he couldn't tell me anything else other than to humiliate me and I felt sick, I just never wanted to see him again.

I stepped closer to him, our faces inches apart, I tilted my head up to glare at him with zero emotions.

"There's nothing to replace." I said to him as I pushed him on the chest and fought my way through the crowd that assembled in the kitchen, people were always in for the drama.

Every year our neighborhood gathers together as we are close to the end of the year. We just celebrate the year at the end of autumn so we can say goodbye together to the year. This is the reason I am sitting in the house of our neighbor next to us, watching as the adults talk with each other, not like I am not an adult, but I just hate the shallow conversations where they ask about my life and what I want to do in the future. They had nothing to do with my life then why did they ask the same questions every year?

In the past, it was fun. At least Hoshi made it fun, as we always hid in the corners to judge the people and gossip about them. Now, I was sitting here all day on the couch with a glass of fine wine in my hand, and judging the people around me alone. I didn't see Hoshi all day, but I knew he was here somewhere hiding in the corners or who knows where. His parents were here and I knew they made him come along not accepting no as an answer, they were very strict if I may say.

The sun was already down and I felt so bored all day, I couldn't wait for the moment when they were distracted enough so I could slip out to be free. And that moment came quickly as I saw my parents were talking with a man and I quickly slipped outside through the backdoor.

When I closed the door and turned around, I froze. Hoshi was sitting on the top of the stairs leaning forward on his knees a glass of wine in his hands. He was staring up at the sky looking for the stars that were hidden between the dark clouds. I hesitated, I just wanted to get out of there, but seeing Hoshi like this…He seemed so—vulnerable in this moment and I kind of wanted to take advantage of it.

So, I slowly approached him and sat next to him on the cold stairs. As he felt my presence, he didn't even look at me, he just looked down at the glass in his hands, his features seemed full of regret and shame. I didn't want to be the first to say something. I tried to imply that I was there if he wanted to tell me something because I really deserved that. I took him in, while he was deep in his thoughts, he was wearing the same black cap turned backward, his ashy hair that grew down to his nape lolling out from the cap. He was dressed up in full black clothes, a sweater with black writings on its chest, and its sleeves decorated with white flowers, paired with black oversized pants and black sneakers. A cross was hanging from his neck that swung between him and the glass he was holding.

"Why are you here?" He breaks the silence, his voice unstable.

"Just wanted to escape from inside, it's boring." I hated him, but seeing him like this I couldn't be mean to him.

Hoshi just nodded still analyzing the glass in his hands.

"And you?" I asked looking at his sharp side profile, his cheekbones puffy like a hamster.

He shrugged. "My parents won't let me go home and it's boring without—" He stopped when he realized what he was about to say. He seemed angry at himself at that as I was observing him. He was drunk and, in this state, it felt like the old Hoshi was screaming at this person next to me to let him out of the prison he made. I knew my Hoshi was still there I just needed to somehow fight with this poisoned Hoshi.

"You know this shit is very boring without you. There's no one I could gossip with about Uncle Chanyeol's third wife." I said what he didn't finish and tried to lessen the sour mood a bit.

At that, he snapped his head up to look at me with surprised eyes. There he was, the Hoshi I loved so much. Many emotions went through his face as he took me in, finally looking into my eyes, finally seeing me after half a year.

"Well, the second was much uglier not gonna lie." He said looking back at the glass as he downed it until the last drops.

I hummed. "Not to be a bad person but he looks like a witch, who would curse you the second you stay alone with her."

And Hoshi laughed out wholeheartedly, that made my heart whole again. The sound of his laughter puzzled the pieces of my heart together. It made me realize how important he was in my life, and how much of an influence he was in my life. Everything he did affected me, even if it was good or bad, I felt the same way as him. I felt like he was my soulmate and if he was hurt I was hurt as well. It made me realize that I loved him so much not just as my best friend but as my soulmate. But after he pushed me, it faded. And I hoped it'd be gone in seconds, but as I heard him laugh again, made me realize it was never going to fade.

I smiled, hearing him laugh sincerely again, knowing it wasn't fake. Then as he realized what he was doing, his laughter faded into a smile and his smile faded into a thin line.

"You shouldn't speak to me." The sour Hoshi from moments ago had returned.

"Yeah…I shouldn't." I looked down at my hands fiddling with my rings taking in the sour emotions Hoshi was feeling.

"You know…" He broke the silence that fell on us, looking up at the sky. "…I always wanted to be perfect, and I truly believed I was, just until…" He looked down at his hands again as he tried to hold his tears back. I just listened to him, letting him speak whatever he wanted out of his heart.

"I'm so tired, I'm so tired of pretending everything is fine, Y/N." He buried his face into his hands, sobbing.

Tears started to appear immediately in my eyes seeing him like this. I scooted closer to him and hugged him, pulling him to my chest as he was still sobbing. "It fucked up everything— a-and I don't know what to do with my life anymore." He mumbled into the crock of my neck, wetting it with sour tears that made my heart break again.

"I know, I know it's hard Hoshi." I caressed his back up and down as I leaned my head on top of his, staring into the dark and chilly night. "There's life outside of football too. You can't just push away everyone you love, because some shit happened to your life. It's not fair and you know that."

He was quiet for a few moments, to take my words in and slowly lifted his head to look into my eyes. His eyes were red and puffy, his eyes barely visible, as the tears were still flowing down his puffy cheekbone, his lips trembling a little from the flow of emotions. "I-I know I fucked up and you have no idea how much I regret it. Pushing away my real friends and my parents. But mostly you, Y/N." One tear flew down his face again.

I slowly reached my hand towards his cheeks and cupped it just to wipe the sour tears away from his face. "I'm sorry for pushing you away…I really miss you, you being by my side all the time…" His eyes still stared deeply into mine.

I sighed, detaching my hands from his face, and letting it fall onto my lap. "I miss you too, Hoshi. But…you really treated me like shit, it hurt you know." I tried to blink away the tears that tried to escape.

"I know, I know, I was such an asshole, please forgive me.” He turned towards me.  “You really deserve better than that…" He said reaching for my hands, but along the way, he knocked over the glass that was between us. It made me realize he was just drunk and who knows tomorrow he is going to be the asshole Hoshi again.

I smiled at him sadly. "Go home Hoshi and sleep." I stood up and left him there without waiting for an answer.

Days later, it was already late at night when my phone rang just as I arrived home and parked my car, after a tiring day, as I was at classes all day and learning for the exams at the library. I sighed as I turned the engine off to pick up my phone, where the name of Hoshi's mother showed. I frowned as I picked it up.

"Y/N, darling, I'm glad you picked it up." Her voice seemed hurried and full of concern.

"Hi, what happened?" I asked her, leaving the formalities behind ages ago, as she treated me like I was her other daughter.

"I just wanted to ask, if you saw Hoshi today. We've been looking for him all day, but his phone is off and we don't know where he is." I heard as her voice got a little weaker.

"I saw him last night, but that's all, I'm sorry," I said looking down at my hands, running through the maze of my thoughts.

"Oh, okay, maybe it's better if I call the police, I am very concerned." Her voice deepened as she was thinking. "Anyways, thank you Y/N, I hope you are okay, we miss you." She wanted to hang up but I stopped her.

"Wait—, I might— I might know where he is, give me an hour and I'll find him," I said a little hurriedly as a place appeared in my head.

"Okay, thank you so much, Y/N." She seemed a little relieved at that.

I hung up the phone and quickly started the engine of my car, just to drive through the town to a place no one would search for Hoshi. And it was the football field. It sounds ridiculous but, why would anyone search for him there? When he didn’t step on that field since his injury happened?

When I arrived there, I still had doubts about him being at the field. But all my doubts disappeared when I saw him on the barely lit field, the moon above him shining at his presence. I approached the fence that separated us and just observed him as he was facing me, but he couldn't see me as the darkness hugged me around.

He was standing in the middle of the field the ball in his hands; he was wearing black shorts and a beige sweater on top the black cap never leaving his head. He squeezed it like he wanted to drown it like it could've helped make his misery better. Then he lifted his right hand in the air and threw the ball into the chilly air, his first intuition was to run after the ball, and he tried, but his knees buckled and he fell on the ground. My heart broke at the image of him breaking on the field of his dreams, I couldn't watch him suffer anymore. I stepped on the field slowly; he was still lying down with his face down and his shoulders were shaking. I walked towards the ball and took it in my hands. Then I walked towards him soundlessly.

"Hey!" I yelled at him while I was walking towards him. He snapped his head up at the sound. "Catch the ball!" I said not leaving him to think as I threw the ball towards him.

He quickly stood up, wincing from the pain, that his still unhealed, injury caused, and caught the ball.

"What are you doing here?" He tried to turn away from me, so I wouldn't see his face that screamed he was crying.

"The question is mine." I folded my arms together frowning at him.

He shrugged. "Needed to clear my head." He looked down at the ball and picked at some strings on it, not daring to look into my eyes.

"Your family is searching for you."

"I know." He spoke. "But I just wanted to get away from home."

"Why?"

"Because they want to control my life, and I can't stand it anymore." He turned away from me, looking up at the sky.

"Well, at least they are doing it, instead of you." I said stepping closer to him.

He suddenly threw the ball to the green grass with a wave of anger the ball almost bounced back to his hands.

"Hoshi, what is going on with you? It's not you." I said trying to stay calm.

"Well, you have to live with this, because this is me." He yelled at me turning towards me and pointing at himself.

My heart started to race, he kind of scared me. "No, it isn’t you, you changed." My voice got quieter as I stared down at the ground. Now I was the one not daring to look into his eyes.

"People change, and then what?" He lifted his arms in the air frowning.

"You act ridiculous, you know? You lost football and now you think you are a nobody?" I scoffed at him in disbelief.

"Football was the only thing that made me feel alive." He lifted his hands and turned around showing the field. "You can't fucking understand what am I going through." He pointed at me raising his voice.

I scoffed. "No, I really can't understand Hoshi." I looked deep into his eyes. "But I really tried to be by your side after your injury but you just threw me away just like that fucking ball.

 “I pointed at the ball in his hands. "I get it, I get that football was your life, but life sometimes sucks and you have to live with it, it can't be perfect…" My voice cracked as the emotions flew through me. "…nothing can be perfect Hoshi, neither can you…"

Tears started to appear in my eyes and I turned around. "You are on your own now." As soon as I turned tears flew down my face, and my heart broke into a million pieces again, but it was worse than everything beforehand because hope left my soul as well leaving nothing behind but dust.

I was near the fence where the exit was when I heard him.

"Y/N, wait!" He yelled after me, but I just closed him out.

All of a sudden all I could feel was that I was being pushed against the fence, which made a loud noise, as it echoed around us like bird chirping. His face was close to mine, his hands on both sides of my waist as he pushed me against the fence.

"Please listen to me." His voice was barely a whisper, that I felt on my lips.

I didn't say anything as I was too stunned being this close to him, his dark peachy scent hugged me around, making me feel woozy.

"I'm confused, okay?" His hands left my waist and he supported himself on the fence on both sides of my head. "It's…" He sighed and took off his cap with his right hand to run his fingers through his silver hair. This hair color fitted him so well, he changed but it was still him. He threw his cap on the ground now his hair falling into his eyes as he looked at me. "It's not just about football. It's about you Y/N."

My heart started to race quickly as I just looked at him with wide eyes.

He leaned closer. "The reason I pushed you away was because I wanted to be more than friends. And I knew you didn't want that." He leaned his forehead against mine. “I couldn't be friends with you anymore so I pushed you away before I fell in love with you more." His voice was low as he closed his eyes. "I was not ready for love, not when I knew you weren't as well." He whispered it and I barely could hear what he said.

"But," he continued not letting me say a word. "I realized I can’t live without you, because you are my escape from this fucked-up world and you are my purpose on this earth. I know that my life won't suck if you are by my side and that with your help, I can put my life together again." His voice crackled as tears formed in his eyes when he opened them again.

I was stunned to speak; I never could've imagined that Hoshi was thinking of me like that. But at the same, I was waiting for this moment my whole life.

"You are so stupid, Hoshi," I said the first thing that came to my mind after I gathered my thoughts. I reached my hands towards his swollen face and cupped it.

"I was in love with you my whole life," I said to him honestly.

His barely visible eyes rounded his mouth fell open, he looked so adorable. "Are you joking?"

"No, I'm not. Well, I'm sure it wasn't that deep when we were kids, but…since we grew up and started university together I fell in love with you deeper as the days passed Hoshi, and I couldn't help it." I looked down on the ground feeling shy as I just put my heart out in front of him. "My heart broke when you pushed me away…"

He slowly reached his hands towards my waist, squeezing it reassuringly, and leaned his forehead against mine. "I am so sorry, Y/n, for being so stupid, I won't ever forgive myself for treating you like that." He whispered onto my lips, his cold breath against mine, our cold breaths mixed just to melt into each other.

"You deserve the whole world, Y/N. And please let me give you the world, forgive me." He whispered the last few words, coming out like forgotten promises.

I smiled at him as if my eyes were sparkling from the happiness I felt. "Are you ready for love?"

He smiled fondly and looked at me like I was his whole world. "I'm ready for love. Can we stay together forever? I will give—"

"Just kiss me already you idiot." I interrupted him impatiently.

He chuckled and cupped my face, just to push me more into the fence that hurt my back, but not until one of his hands reached behind my back to pull me off the fence, body flesh against his. My lips curved into a sincere smile. I couldn't believe my soulmate had just confessed to me and promised me the world.

"You give me purpose." He whispered onto my lips like sweet promises and closed the distance between our parted lips. When his lisp met mine, the world stopped spinning, everything slowed down, the clocks stopped ticking, and the rivers stopped flowing. Everything stopped. It was just the two of us in this world, as he promised me the world, and with this kiss, he gave it to me. His lips moved against mine slowly, passionately, like he wanted to carve this moment into the history books, where two best friends went through ups and downs just like a roller-coaster, so in the end, they were finally ready to love each other wholeheartedly, staying together forever.

*Ateez masterlist*

[archiveikemen]

Liam Evans 2nd Birthday Campaign: Story

Epilogue [His POV]

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Read this before interacting

It was the first time I found myself unable to look at someone because their existence was so dazzling.

Kate: Nn, Liamm

(Cute…) 

I reached between my lover’s legs as she laid below me with tears in her eyes, enduring the pleasure. 

Liam: Like it here?

Kate let out a high-pitched cry of pleasure when I sank my fingers into her wet spot. 

Kate: Ahh, that spot— 

(Cute, cute, so cute.)

As I pumped my fingers in and out of her, she came so hard that she was in a daze.

Seeing her melting from the pleasure made me want to give her even more. 

(Seriously, how can you possibly be this cute and loveable?) 

Kate looked like a cat begging for food when she rubbed her cheek against my hand that was positioned next to her face. 

Liam: ! 

Kate: Liam… already…

It was awfully lascivious.

Liam: Yeah, I’m already at my limit too. 

I was only pretending to be composed because I wanted her to be impressed, even just a little bit.

(But that pretence falls off right away.) 

When in front of Kate, any attempts to act cool were meaningless.

As I reached for my belt, Kate spread her arms wide. 

Liam: Sorry, I don’t think you’ll be getting any sleep until past noon.

Laying on the white sheets scattered with rose petals, she gave me a gentle smile.

Kate: I don’t mind as long as we’ll be sleeping together.

(You’re truly so kind and doting towards me.) 

In place of a reply, I hugged her tight and gave her a breathtakingly deep kiss.

Then I entered her, surrendering myself to the euphoria. 

…

Tom: Thanks, Liam. You’re a great help.

I was standing on stage after practice to help Tom install the new lights. 

Liam: Nah, I was also curious to see how the new lights look. 

Liam: But they’re rather hot, so I think we could consider thinner costumes. 

Stage lights shine brightly on the actors, but they also give off heat, making us feel hot being under them. 

Tom: I see… I’ll discuss that with the costume team tomorrow.

Tom: This is the kind of lighting that best makes our lead actor shine like a star. It was worth every penny of that high price.

Seeing Tom pretend to cry and worry about his wallet made me recall my birthday a few days ago.

Liam: Like a star…

At that moment, I couldn't contain my smile when I thought of Kate’s dazzling smiling face. 

Tom: … You took a day off on your birthday this year. How did you spend it? 

I looked up to see Tom wearing a soft smile as though he knew I had a great birthday. 

Liam: … I had a wonderful time. My lover celebrated with me, and my friends threw a party too.

On the night of my birthday, Kate took my hand and led me to the dining room where everyone from Crown had gathered.

(Victor whipped up a luxurious dinner spread, and Harry and Will prepared presents for me.) 

Colourful streamers popped out from party crackers, filling the room with vibrancy and joy. 

(Last year, I would've been too afraid to accept that happy scene.) 

But with her smiling next to me, I had the courage to embrace that happiness. 

Tom: From that look on your face, I can already tell you had a good time. I’m relieved to know that.

Tom: I’d appreciate it if you could also fly back here to celebrate with us too next year. 

While holding the keys, Tom smiled and I gave a vague smile in return…

(When that day comes, I’ll definitely fly back here like he said.)

Once you’ve gotten a taste of happiness, you can never forget it.

(I long to see your smile again and hear your congratulatory words.)

…

I parted ways with Tom and walked through the streets at night.

(It’s quite late, so Kate’s probably already asleep.)

I had let her know before leaving the castle that I’d be return late, so she definitely went to bed first.

The hands on the clock tower struck twelve, I lost count of how many nights I’ve spent walking alone like this. 

(In the past, I’d go out drinking, partying, or doing dangerous things with Al.) 

But ever since Kate and I started dating, my nightlife decreased dramatically and before I knew it, scouting potential date spots became my norm. 

(Maybe I should look around and plan our next date for the weekend.)

I turned around and went past shops I planned to visit with Kate.

(Here and…)

(This shop too.) 

Liam: That should do it. 

After checking out various places, I was on my way home again.

It had been two hours.

(We’ll have a meal together first, then we’ll check out that shop for some trinkets, after that we’ll go grab a snack…) 

As I was planning our date while walking in the night, the lightness of my heart was shown in my footsteps. 

(Kate will definitely like that shop.) 

A smile formed on my lips when I imagined her reaction, and the smell of modern roses reached my nose. I reached into my pocket and inside it was a pink pouch filled with the rose petals Kate showered me with on my birthday. 

(I was right to turn it into a sachet to carry around with me.)

I narrowed my eyes contentedly when I gently shook the sachet and caught another waft of the roses. 

(I’m sure that this scent will fade away too.) 

But you taught me that there’ll always be next time. 

(Like petals falling off a flower, happiness will eventually come to an end.)

(But I’ll live in the present as though that day will never come.)

— As long as you continue shining brightly at the centre of my world. 

Liam: … This won’t do, I need to see Kate right now. 

I put the sachet back into my pocket and quickened my pace. 

The stars twinkled in the sky. 

…

Without knocking on the door, I sneaked into Kate’s bedroom and saw her sound asleep on the bed. A smile formed on my face.

(She has such an adorable sleeping face… I wonder what kind of dream she’s having.)

From the slight upward curve of her lips, I thought that she must've been having a pleasant dream and laid down next to her.

Before I met Kate, my heart that never once felt full was always dull. 

But after meeting her, I continued being afraid of experiencing happiness and regretting having ever been born.

(... Even now, I still can’t bring myself to say that I’m glad I was born.) 

The scars in my heart remained, and they would never disappear. 

(But despite that, you saved me.) 

Kate smiled happily as I tucked the strand of hair that had fallen onto her cheek, behind her ear.

Kate: Liam… welcome home…

Liam: Sorry, did I wake you? 

I quickly moved away, but Kate stayed fast asleep… 

Liam: … Was she sleep-talking? 

She snuggled up against my chest with a tender smile. 

Liam: … Do you see me even in your dreams? 

Despite not receiving a reply, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. 

Liam: That’s not fair. I want to see you in my dreams too.

Even now, I’m still afraid of sleeping.

(Because I can never have happy dreams.)

But being by your side makes me feel like I won’t get nightmares.

Liam: I wanted to feel happy and needed by someone, and yet I wasn't prepared to receive happiness. 

Liam: That’s why there were so many moments where I couldn't bring myself to take your hand. 

There were multiple instances where I wished I had taken your hand.

Liam: But because you didn't give up on me, I started believing that I shouldn't give up on myself either. 

Time and time again, you reached out your small hand towards me; and that’s why I can be here right now, expressing my love for you. 

Liam: That’s why, this time, I’ll be the one to hold your hand no matter how many times. 

Liam: If it slips away, I’ll tighten my grip. If we miss each other, I’ll run after you. 

Liam: Even if you give up on yourself, I’ll never give up on you.

Liam: With the rest of my life, I’ll repay you for everything you’ve done for me.

Drawn to her warmth, sleepiness started to wash over me. It was a rare occurrence. 

(It still scares me to give into my sleepiness, but…)

For some reason, I had a feeling I would have a pleasant dream that night.

Liam: Good night, Kate. See you in my dreams. 

As I hugged her tightly and shut my eyes, I saw with my mind’s eye an image of her showering me with petals.

— Tonight, too, the brightest star in my universe was shining brilliantly in my arms. 

[flanaganfilm]

Good morning/ evening! My name’s Sam and I’m currently a film student hoping to get into freelance writing. I’ve got a couple questions if you don’t mind (hoping you haven’t already answered them and I just missed them).

When you first starting making your own films, did you have already have thick skin for any critics/ bad reviews? Or is that something you grew over time?

Also, for your production company, do you hire interns and PAs or do you prefer filmmakers with more experience?

Thank you!

To your first question, I do not have a thick skin in that area AT ALL and never have. I don't know many people who do.

I'm often approached by fans who will talk about what a project of mine means to them, or I find a review or think piece online where the author really connected with my work. I want to let that feedback in, because it's validating. But letting it in means letting ALL of it in, even the negative. I don't really get to pick and choose. Once I decided to let myself react emotionally to other people's feedback, those gates are open I've got to accept whatever comes through.

I take my work very seriously, and tend to pour my heart and soul into it. We make these things because we love them. It can literally take years of daily work to do. When people love it, it feels great. When people don't, it hurts. There's really no way around that.

Film criticism has, like a lot of things, devolved over time. I was a massive fan of Robert Ebert, who was thoughtful and sophisticated in his critiques (most of the time), and tried to approach each movie he watched on the film's own terms - from the perspective of "how successful was this at achieving what it set out to do?" I see a lot of criticisms today that don't do this, and instead are lamenting what a movie is or isn't, saying things like "I wish this was more..." or "This isn't good because I wanted it to be something else."

"I wanted a ________ and what I got instead was ______ so it sucks."

The other issue is that loud, sensationalized vitriol gets more clicks. Negative reviews, especially brutal and callous ones, get more attention than positive ones. I've gotten to know and befriend some professional critics over the years, who have all told me that the positive reviews don't generate the audience reaction quite like the negative ones. People enjoy watching things get beat up. We reward the wrong kind of discourse, and that isn't unique to film criticism - it's everywhere. That's just a symptom of our culture.

One of my great frustrations is how we assert our opinion as objective truth. There's nothing more dangerous than tweeting "I liked ______ movie!" The comments flood in about how you're wrong, how it sucks, blah blah blah. People think their own taste is somehow factual. If someone says "I had a fantastic steak dinner last night and I loved it," we don't say "you're wrong, steak sucks". We understand the concept of taste when it comes to other things we consume, but when it comes to entertainment each one of us thinks we're the ultimate authority.

For myself, my producer and my wife have long discouraged me from reading reviews. I still can't help it. It's not healthy though. I can scroll past a dozen positive ones, and they evaporate in my mind, but I read one scathing thing and it sticks with me for days. There is one particular review of MIDNIGHT MASS that is one of the most baffling and frustrating things I've ever read, as the author appears to have misunderstood just about every aspect of the series, and drawn the angriest, most misguided, most erroneous conclusions. I read it with my jaw on the ground... "but they're objectively wrong. That isn't what happens, and that isn't what the show is even about." But what can I do? Who am I to say their experience of the show is invalid? They feel how they feel, and that's fine. That's okay. It has to be.

So your skin doesn't get thicker, it is a bizarre emotional experience to put something personal out there into the world and see the gamut of reactions. But at a certain point you have to remind yourself that it's impossible to please everyone, and that these projects don't belong to the filmmaker - they belong to the audience, and each and every one of those experiences is unique and valid. Perhaps there are lessons to be learned, and perhaps the critique can help you grow as a filmmaker.

I have similar feelings when I see someone trashing someone else's work I happen to love - for example, I remain baffled by people who didn't like EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, but that doesn't mean anything. It didn't work for them, that's all. Nothing works for everyone.

I have found over the years that I respect and appreciate analyses and criticisms that take this more personal point of view, and talk about their own interaction with the work as opposed to just dismissing it outright. When someone says "this movie didn't work for me," or "I didn't connect with it," or "It just wasn't my cup of tea," I have a much easier time taking it seriously. It's changed how I talk about my own reactions to movies or shows that I didn't respond to. And I found that it's made it much easier for me to enjoy things even if they aren't quite for me. Instead of being reactive and saying "it sucks" or "I hate this," I've gotten better at realizing it's not a binary experience - I can look at what DOES work for me, and I can appreciate it, even while other elements might not.

It makes for a much more nuanced discussion, and helps me grow. Sometimes, though, it's just the wrong thing to watch on the wrong day, and that's fine too. Maybe that makes it a little easier. If I step out of something and just really don't enjoy it, it helps remind me that it's not personal. Clearly, other people DO enjoy these things, sometimes I'm very much in the minority. And when that happens, I can say "oh, it's not so bad if someone hates a movie I made, or a show, or whatever. Life's too short."

But I long ago decided I'd never say anything negative about someone else's work in public. I know too much about what it takes to make a movie, and I'm not a critic. I'm a filmmaker. This town is too small, and there is zero upside in dragging another filmmaker's efforts. On the rare occasions when I do see another filmmaker indulge in that behavior, it is always a terrible look. And it can have real-world consequences - there are a few filmmakers who I've seen publicly slag off other people's work, and I quietly decided never to hire them. Like I said, it's a small town... and most of us read what people say about our work.

We should get back to that work, remember how lucky we all are to do this for a living, and leave that kind of thing to the critics.

[hannahssimblr]

Night descends upon us and yet, as usual, the stars don’t shine brightly the way that they did last summer when our bonfire roared under clear, sparkling skies. I think of that night now as I sit on a patch of cool earth in the dunes above Dollymount Strand surrounded by rusting cans and the sun-bleached wrappers of discontinued chocolate bars.

I remember the balmy air of late July, how I didn't even heed it until now when the night is still too cold to sit out in yet we all pretend it isn't. Anyway, it’s too late to point it out to the crowd that's already gathered here, drinking and playing music from a speaker that crackles every time the bass gets too loud, so I sit as close as I can to the flames without climbing into the pit with them, and let their heat lick over my skin. 

I share a few beers with a big, severe looking boy next to me for a while. He's got silver spikes protruding from his lip, and high cheek bones that make his face look kind of gaunt and hollow like a Tim Burtonesque character. We called him Lurch at school, because he’s also about six foot five and rake thin, but tonight I learn that Lurch’s real name is Rob, and actually, Rob is a very nice person.

He talks to me about music for ages, about his drum kit and how the neighbours keep complaining to his parents about the noise. I tell him that I’ve always wished I was musical but I have absolutely no sense of rhythm. I’m kind of a loser like that, despite my dreams of being that guy with the guitar who impresses all the girls, but I have long since accepted that I will settle to be a humble music-recommender instead. Jen still keeps all of the silly mix tape CDs I made for her in primary school in her room, and it gives me an inexplicable sense of worthiness whenever I spot them.

Never once during my conversation with Rob do I tell him about the Lurch thing, though it crosses my mind several times. What seemed so funny once in the confines of my little group seems kind of obviously mean now, but I suppose I never took the time to think about it before.

Katie is nice too, the girl with a stammer who snorts when she laughs, which is often once she joins in our conversation, because she seems to think my stories are very funny, as does Rob, and I have to tell them not to laugh so hard because it only encourages me to put myself in more situations that might be entertaining to retell later on. They think that's funny too, but actually, I am being serious.

Still, I know they’ll love that one about the time I was using the desert as a toilet and a military helicopter flew overhead, convincing me that my great aunt’s busybody neighbour had called the FBI to report me for public urination, so I make sure to tell it in the most energetic way I can. It’s easier and way more fun to reveal embarrassing things about myself when I’m drinking, and by the time I have finished telling it, I toss my empty bottle to my feet where four others already lie. I hadn’t even realised I had drunk that much, but who cares when I feel this good.

“Jesus, you’re so funny,” Katie says once her giggles have subsided, “I can’t believe we all thought you were an arsehole.”

“You thought that?”

“Not really,” Rob assures me, “We just thought you were… like, a bit…”

“...of an arsehole,” I finish, and he’s clearly being polite so he denies it, but he shouldn’t bother, really, because I already know how I am. I'm aware of the things I’ve said and done to other kids for the sake of relieving my crushing, constant boredom, never really thinking about the consequences beyond ‘it will be funny’. Maybe I should say I’m sorry. 

“Nah you’re right, I’m kind of a horrible bastard,” and I laugh at myself, which gives them permission to do so too, albeit awkwardly.

“You’re not, you’re not,” Rob assures me, “You definitely weren’t the worst of the guys in our year…”

I want to ask him who is the worst, purely for the satisfaction of hearing him say that it’s Fitzy, or Murphy or Breener or any of those other awful, rugby wanks, but I don’t because someone coming through the grass has derailed my train of thought. 

“What’s she doing here?” 

I have interrupted Rob and now he’s blinking in surprise as he turns to where Leah, fucking Leah, is approaching us. 

“Uh, she comes to talk to Evan sometimes,” he explains, “just for like, a few minutes usually and then she heads off. Do you know her?”

“Yeah.”

I watch with a clenched jaw as she and Evan disappear into the darkness for a few minutes, and pop open a brand new beer bottle as Rob and Katie chat as I sit between them having lost all of my sense of fun in an instant. I’m also drunk, if not very much getting there judging by the slightly blurry flames that dance exotically in front of my eyes. I have a dim thought that it’s probably a good idea to stop drinking if I plan on seeing Jen later. I doubt Michelle’s parents will be too pleased if I show up steaming drunk at their door…

“Oh my God, Jude, I didn’t expect to see you here!” Leah is back and standing right over me. I don’t even bother to look up at her face, and instead just stare at her ratty Vans that I’m almost certain are the same pair she wore when we used to hang out two years ago, and they were ratty back then.

“Yep,” I say. She sits down so closely to me in the sand that I can smell her distinct, Leah smell. She doesn’t smell bad, just like an unpleasant sensory memory. 

“How are you?”

I clear my throat, “Are you buying drugs from teenagers now? Is that what it’s come to?”

“Oh, I thought you already knew how Evan and I knew each other.”

“No.”

“Well, mister policeman, it’s just weed,” she pulls the baggie I saw earlier out of her jacket pocket, “We can even smoke some together now if you like.”

“Weed makes me sick.”

“I remember that! Ha!” She offers it to Rob and Katie who both decline and exchange alarmed looks over our heads.

“Are you going to sit here all night?” I ask her, and even to my own ears it’s unbelievable how rude I am to her, but I don’t care, she deserves it, and it’s not like she even seems to register my tone anyway, she’s always been completely oblivious to what people think about her. She’s that person who hangs around at the party for way too long and keeps bringing up conversations that everyone stopped talking about ages ago. 

“Jude and I go way back,” Leah explains to Katie beside her, “I met him when he was, what,” a nudge to my arm, “thirteen?”

“Twelve.”

“We used to be friends, back when he was fun.”

I scowl and she drapes herself over my shoulder with an effortless laugh as though she somehow believes this is our usual banter, “I’m joking, he’s still so fun! And cute!” She tries to grab my face and I shake her off insistently so she settles for fisting a hand in the front of my sweatshirt to hold me hostage instead, “Isn’t he, though?” she presses poor, sheepish Katie who explodes in a ferocious blush. “Would you say he’s the cutest boy at school?”

“I- I don’t know,” Katie stutters. 

“Well guess what! I got to be the lucky girl who took his virginity!”

I rip her off me but she comes back at me with more grabbing hands and tickling fingers, “Ooh! It’s true, isn’t it? Isn’t it Judie? Oh, isn’t it?”

I wrench her off me with finality and clamber to my feet, my heart beating, my stomach queasy, “Leave me alone, okay?” I bend down to swipe my beer bottle out of the hollow I made for it in the sand and even then she tries to touch my hair. It infuriates me. “I’m serious! Piss off!” I spit.

“Oh God, mister grumpy!” She says as I stagger around the bonfire to get away from her and everything that she represents. I’m definitely drunk now, it's in my sluggish movements, the way my eyes drift unfocussed from person to person, but being drunk is preferable to remembering Leah as vividly as I would if I were perfectly sober. Right now, it is just snippets of an evening three years ago that play through my mind. The week I turned fourteen, and the hard, frozen November ground by a swing set. The things I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do but thought knew I should by then, and Leah, and the heat of her skin, the smell of her sweat, the hyper fixation I had on that piece of bark mulch I felt tangled in her hair which somehow became the strongest memory of all, something that I still associate with her when I feel the sharp dig of something in my palm.

When I don't see her I don't think of these things, so I circle the bonfire until she is invisible, obscured by the roaring flames and swallowed by the darkness.

Beginning // Prev // Next

[enchxanting]

our love is god [ethan landry] pt. 2

read part 1 here || all parts

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

warnings: light angst, mention of drugs/alcohol

a/n: hey, thanks for all the love on the last part! i promise I'm not churning these out like crazy lol, i wrote the first chapter way before posting it here. not a lot of ethan in this one because we have to flesh out the lore, but i make up for it with some tara/sam angst! yippee!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I can’t believe it. I actually can’t believe it.” Chad’s eyes are wide with amazement. “Y/N, at a loss for words? Because of a guy?”

“Dude, I’m telling you, it happened!” Tara said.

I was beginning to get tired of this back and forth. 

Friday nights were usually fun, the whole gang gathered in Tara’s room, getting ready for the night’s festivities (in this case, a house party at the Woodsboro Community College), but today, my friends seemed more interested in rehashing today’s lunchtime events.

“Do you know what his name was?” Anika asks.

“Oh god, please don’t egg them on,” I groan. “No, I didn’t catch it.”

“Hey, he didn’t throw it, either,” Tara teases. “He was probably just as nervous. The dude could barely even make eye contact with her.”

Chad sits up on Tara’s bed. “What did you say he looked like?”

“Uh, tall, really tall. Curly brown hair? He was new, I’d never seen him before. And neither had Tara, so don’t chalk it up to my being a newcomer.”

“Wait. Oh my god.” Mindy suddenly chimes in. “I know who he is. His name is Ethan Landry, he’s in my American History.”

I can’t lie; I’m excited by this. “Really? Why haven’t we seen him before?”

“Because he just moved here.” She grins. “Hey, I thought you’d given up on high school boys, anyway.”

I tinge pink. “Never say never, I guess?”

Chad and Tara whoop. Anika rolls her eyes at them. “Do you think he’ll be there tonight?”

I scoff. “I doubt it. We already have to lie about being college students to get in, anyway.”

Tara’s eyes glimmer. “Hey, you never know. That means you have to get extra dressed up for tonight, just in case he’s there.”

I am not prepared for one of Tara’s evil-genius machinations, especially not a makeover. But I entertain the fantasy for a second too long, and she takes my silence as agreement. 

That’s how I find myself in one of Tara’s old dresses, a strappy black thing that hangs too low on my chest for my liking. After fighting over it for a long while, she eventually agrees to add a long-sleeved top underneath, if only to stop my whining.

Yet even though my getting-ready process was the most involved, I’m still the first one downstairs, which is typical. I’m debating whether or not to run for the hills and go home when Sam comes through the front door.

“Oh, hey, Y/N. Is Tara upstairs?” She sets down a few bags of groceries and turns to lock the four deadbolts freshly nailed to the door. 

“Hey, Sam. Yeah, she is. I think everyone will be down soon.”

There’s an uncomfortable energy between us. Sam has never liked me much. Not because of my character or anything, as Tara has reassured me, but she’s overly wary of outsiders ever since last year’s attack. I try not to blame her, but I can’t help but feel a little hurt when she keeps her distance, giving me a once-over instead of asking about my day.

The tension is broken when I hear the rest of the gang come down the stairs. Sam smiles when she sees Tara, but it fades when she notices that we’re all dressed up. “Hey, Tar, where are you guys going tonight?”

Tara shifts her weight from foot to foot. “My friend at Woodsboro Community College offered us an in, so… we’re taking advantage of our youth?”

Sam’s face darkens. “No. No way, Tar. You remember the last time someone had a party around here? We nearly died.”

“Jesus Christ, Sam,” Tara groans. “You were out of my life for five years now you can’t let me be alone for five minutes..”

I look at Chad, uncomfortable. He slightly shakes his head at me– better not to interfere.. Still, I feel like I have to say something. “Hey, Tara, maybe she’s right, we could just–”

Tara whips around to glare at me. “You’ve got to be kidding, Y/N. Butt the fuck out.” Her words sting, but I step back and sit on the couch.

“I’m not interested in living in the fucking past, Sam,” she continues. “I’m not gonna let what happened to me for three days define me for the rest of my life.”

Sam is quiet. I expect her to snap, to yell at all of us, but she just stares at Tara for a few seconds.

Finally, she picks up her bag again. “Alright. Fine. Go to the party, bring your taser, or not, I don’t care. I won’t be here when you get back.”

Tara’s eyes widen. “Wait, Sam. Wait. I’m sorry, I–”

“No, it’s really fine.” She glances around the room, where the rest of us are trying to blend into the shadows. “I hope you guys have fun. If some psycho killer tries to get you, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

With that, she marches upstairs, and I hear her bedroom door slam and lock. 

No one knows what to say. Tara turns her back, and I see her wiping away angry tears. Without looking at us, she opens the front door. “Okay! Who’s ready?”

“Tara, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Anika says. “We can stay back if you want, I mean–”

“Nope! What I want is to get so shit-faced I don’t remember this conversation. Let’s go.”

My stomach still feels hollow, but I silently follow Tara out of the door. Anika and Mindy follow close behind. 

Chad takes a second before making up his mind. He grabs his keys. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go, then.”

[lemonyko0]

Test Dummy - jjk

college gives you the perfect fresh start, far, far away from your brother and any of his cock-blocking friends. or so, you thought.

» genre: fluff! best friends brother 👀 college au, little steamy and mentions of s3x.

» word count: 4.1k

Test Dummy - jjk

We’ve all heard about “forbidden love”. We’ve seen all the movies, read all the books, watched all of the predictable tv shows. I mean, what did you think was going to happen, they weren’t going to get together?

And yet, we continue to eat it up, every time, without fail.

“What is your beef with romance? Would you rather it be easy and straight to the point or do you think writers should end every romance in tragedy?” Mina scoffs and laughs at the foot of the bed as she proof-reads my essay. “I just don’t understand your point, y/n.”

I snatch the laptop away from her, “If you’re going to start making comments before you even finish reading it, I’m not going to let you read it at all!”

She laughs and rolls onto her back on my bed, “Fine, whatever, you probably don’t need anyone else to read it anyway, I’m sure it’s great.”

I nod, “You’re right, I don’t, you asked, remember?”

She grins, “Did I?”

I roll my eyes, “Shoo, leave my house.” Her boyfriend had texted her fifteen minutes ago saying he was on his way from her parents house, “why didn’t you invite your new boyfriend again?” I ask, referring to the cellphone in her hand as she slings her coat on and grabs her purse.

Her brows raise and she thinks about her words before speaking, something I most definitely never do, and she reminds me all the time. “Honestly? I knew your brother and his heathens would be back too, and the last thing I want him around is more testosterone.”

She laughs, having previously mentioned this one is the jealous type (which is apparently, something she’s into) and she was correct in assuming my house would look the same it did in high school, Seokjin and his friends all running around the house, being loud, eating all the food, and bothering any other life-forms in the house.

“Yeah you’re right, this place is still a sausage fest. However, I think today only four of seven losers are here. Not sure though, they’ve been quiet the last hour.”

She nods, “Must be eating.”

I shake my head as well, “Food! Oh god I’m totally gonna go crash their party, I’ll walk you out.”

I bid Mina goodbye and sigh in relief as I close the door. Not that I didn’t enjoy Mina’s presence, we’ve been friends for years and despite going to different schools after graduating, we’ve still kept in touch, but entertaining people for that long, is always taxing on my social battery.

Just as Mina and I make a habit out of reuniting during school breaks and holidays, as does Seokjin and his annoying group of friends.

I stroll around the downstairs area of my family home, parents gone somewhere I’m sure they mentioned but I’m sure I ignored, and no boys to be found. “Must be in his room or something.” I mumble to myself, opening the fridge and bending down to grab a soda.

“Actually we’re in the basement dusting off the pool table, hand me one?” I practically jump out of my skin at the sound of another voice in the room, let alone directly behind me. He grins widely, “Hi, pretty.”

I smack his shoulder and shove a drink in his hand before walking past him, “Don’t you ever scare me like that again, and furthermore,” I lower my voice and turn to face him, now separated by the kitchen bar, “why the hell are you talking to me like that here? That is beyond off-limits!”

He’s still sporting a shit-eating grin, “You were actually being serious about not telling your family?” I widen my eyes and gesture around us, he scoffs, “Y/N, seriously?”

I sigh, “Jungkook, this is just,” I pause, “too weird to deal with right now.”

He circles the table coolly, still leaving a respectable distance between us, “I vividly remember you saying something different a few months ago, probably when we were in my bed, but oh! Maybe it was yours?” He laughs, as if what he was saying was actually funny, “Sorry, after so many times I just get confused.”

I scan the room again, my face dark red and my hair falling from behind my ears as I aggressively point my finger, “We already talked about this and you promised me Jungkook! Now drop it.”

He takes steps closer until his chest is brushing against my finger and I drop my hand in defiance, “I didn’t agree to be your sneaky-link, I want to be your boyfriend.”

“No.” I state simply, turning to leave the room.

Jungkook quickly grabs onto my arm, “Come on Y/N, just rip the bandaid off, and tell them you’re seeing someone! Better yet, he’s right god damn here to support you! Aren’t you exhausted from this constant tug and pull thing you’ve got going on?”

I pull away from him and very theatrically tell him, “NO.” He sighs dramatically and I scoff, “What on earth do I have to tell anyone? Not only are we not together, but you are also Seokjin’s best friend.”

He throws his head back in annoyance, “I don’t understand-”

“And I will be more than glad to talk you through it, after break.” I stop him right there, tired from repeating the same argument over, and over again.

Before leaving for university, the thought of ever being with one of my brothers delinquent friends sounded appalling. I had to listen to their male nonsense my entire life, being dragged around and made fun of and simultaneously, extremely cock-blocked. Not a single date-night, crush, date to dances, anything. If I wanted one, he’d be scrutinized and scared off. It was impossible, and incredibly annoying.

So imagine my delight, leaving for school knowing I had successfully avoided both my brother, and every single one of his associates.

That is until Jungkook transfers his second year, and didn’t tell anyone where-to until it was too late.

Which I figured, whatever. The likely chance we’ll ever cross paths is slim to none, no problem!

Except he latched onto me like an actual parasite. It had taken him long enough to find the overlap in our schedules, my study time coincided with his! Oh and his gym-time too! And he liked getting coffee around the same time as me as well! Oh and he doesn’t like the treadmills at the gym anymore, and would much rather run at the same time as me, on the same path, and at the same pace.

I questioned his motives from the start, and eventually gave up on pushing him away. I could have worse company, I suppose. And compared to the rest of his and Seokjin’s friend’s, I did know him the best, and disliked him the least.

We actually grew close in a short amount of time and I found myself enjoying his company, although I still struggle to admit it. I tried so hard to clear my life of my brother's shadow looming over me but Jungkook never mentioned it. He actually seemed to pick up on my avoidance, and what I was trying to do by going to a big school and one I knew no one else was attending. He was perfect in the sense that I never had to tell Jungkook what I was thinking, he just, knew. He also knew what to do, and just what I needed.

As one should have expected, you can’t just fling yourself into the dating world head-first and expect everything to work out how you imagined it would. I had no experience! No precursor, no context clues, no cues, and absolutely zero clue that the rules and expectations of college-dating was completely different to those you read about.

I was on the third failed date when Jungkook decided it was time to ask, even though I knew he was hesitant.

It was autumn, the leaves turning cool to warm-tones and trees shedding, I remembered the extra crunch during my morning run with Jungkook. He sat against my bed with a textbook in front of him and a notebook in his lap when he looks up at me on my bed, “How did your date go?”

I hum, looking at him questioningly, knowing damn-well I had never mentioned my dating life to Jungkook. “You know, you won’t shrivel up and die if you ask people for help.”

I begrudgingly chuckle at his comment, “I don’t need to ask for help. Men are just stupid and horny.”

He nods, “I don’t deny that, but, perhaps you’re fishing in the wrong pool.”

I sigh, “I’ve fished from different pools! I did the ‘helpful guy in my maths class’ and the ‘cute guy always in the library’ and even dating apps! And one would think if you just wanted to have sex, you would NOT put ‘looking for a relationship’ in your bio, but I suppose some people just aren’t that logically-inclined?”

He grins and leans his head back against my bed, “actual dating isn’t what half of the guys your age are looking for right now. Sorry to say it, but unless flings are what you’re looking for, first-year guys aren’t going to offer more.” He speaks easily, almost tentatively, as if he was breaking hard news to me. “At least, not this early in the year. But I get your enthusiasm, it’s not like you got out much in school.”

I raise my eyebrows to that, “That’s for damn sure.” We both chuckle, and I sigh annoyed, “It’s just upsetting, like everyone is at a completely different place in their lives than me, I mean, fuck I’ve never so much as made out with someone!” I laugh and he hesitantly laughs after me, looking at me with an expression I couldn’t register at the time, but I continued, because he was listening, and for once I felt comfortable enough to tell someone other than Mina, and I needed that. She wasn’t here anymore, and doing things on my own wasn’t working. “I just, feel so detached and angry.”

He nods, leaving a few moments of silence to ensure I was done before speaking, “I mean, if it bothers you that much and you think it’d help, I will certainly volunteer to be your test dummy.”

I smile before his words really sink in and I look down to him with brows furrowed, he’s grinning with a pained expression, “what do you mean by that Jungkook?”

His eyes widen and he raises his hands in surrender, “I-I strictly mean it in a if-it-would-help sense, just, trying to offer solutions! Sorry, that was weird and wrong.”

He slouches back down and buries himself in his work, and it’s not spoken of again.

Two weeks later, and my morning runs with Jungkook have become a given, and as the leaves turn redder and begin to brown and fall off, I find his presence more and more comforting. I’m not sure exactly when the lines blurred. I wish I could say I was on something. I wasn’t sober, I was lonely, I was just being stupid. But none of it was true. Well, that last bit is partly true, I was stupid, for not seeing what was going on until it was right in front of me.

“Why not you?” I speak aloud, almost as if my thoughts had slipped past the gates in my brain and right out of my mouth.

It catches Jungkook off-guard, my out of context bambling. He was just stretching against a nearby tree after our run, and asked me what coffee shop I was in the mood for. “Why not me, what?”

I stare at him, mouth agape, and I’m sure it takes me much longer than it should have to conjure up a response. I ran through my options, lie, surely. It’s not supposed to go like this.

Or, just tell him. Jungkook had been a more than good friend to me up until then, why not? “Why not you?” I repeat. He doesn’t speak, leaving me to fill in more of the blanks. I catch my breath finally, “You, Jungkook.” I say, he nods, slowly, almost like he was worried or scared. “Why not go on a date, with you?”

He stares at me. Emotionless. He doesn’t react. He doesn’t respond. He doesn’t so much as move the stray hair falling into his eyes from underneath his hoodie. I laugh, “Nevermind, that was stupid of me.”

He stills, before shaking out of it then shaking his head profusely, “No no no no, not stupid.” I raise my brows and he looks me in the eyes, “I mean, are you being serious?”

I nod slowly, “Well, yeah, it makes perfect sense, and you even brought it up, a while ago.”

He hums, “Yeah, I’m sure I did, but, when?”

He asks for a reminder, “When you told me you volunteered to be my ‘test dummy’ for relationships. So why not, show me what it’s like.”

Something told me his reaction was disingenuous, “Oh, yeah, sure.”

He smiled anyway, picking up his bag and water, “Well, in that case, let our first date be a coffee date, on me.” He animatedly looped his arm around mine and walked away from our running trail and towards the nearby shop.

Jungkook was, as expected, a perfect gentleman. And I thought, that was what he was supposed to be. We were doing this whole thing so I could get some experience under my belt with less hassle and pressure, it was perfect.

There was always something, though. A little voice screaming at me that something is wrong and needed to be addressed. But neither of us did. Not when he walked me to my ‘doorstep’ (the front of my building) on our third date and told me, “this is when any good man would likely try to kiss you.” He looked at me, I looked at him and nodded, “the third date?” He nodded, “Yep, of course, only if you’re showing signs you’re interested, and even better if he explicitly asks.”

I nod and smile up at him, both of our hands shoved into our pockets, the wind making the nighttime much chillier. He bites at his bottom lip and shifts his weight from his toes, to his heels, and back and forth, until I say, “so, are you going to ask?”

This stops him, “ask… what?”

I laugh, thinking how stupid of a question, “To kiss me?”

His eyes widen, and then he leans back, shaking his head with a grin, “No no, this isn’t-”

“What, did I do something wrong?”

He quickly shakes his head, “No, nothing, you’re perfect.”

I ignore the way my cheeks flush despite the cold, “Okay then.” I lead on, he looks at his feet. He never tried to leave, he never told me goodnight, offered to kiss me on the cheek, he just did, nothing.

And I simply wasn’t having that.

I leaned up on my toes and pulled my warm hands from my pockets and placed them tentatively on his face, and I kissed him.

It was quick, I had kissed someone before, albeit years ago, and I was not confident at all in my skills. But I was confident in myself. I knew he wanted to kiss me but didn’t think it was right.

I bid him goodbye that night, and life went on just as it always did. From that line crossed, every line there on after became more and more blurred. When exactly “trial dating” became real dating, I’m unsure.

It gave me a perfect excuse as to why I was spending so much time with Jungkook, and why I was enjoying it, until I tried wine for the first time. We both had a decent amount, and I had sex for the first time.

That, still, is one of my largest regrets. I mostly wish we could go back, and do it differently. Or had at least weighed the outcomes of putting me, the guy I liked, and a bottle of wine and zero reference of a tolerance in a romantically-set up room.

From then on, Jungkook and I have argued over what we are, what to do, what we were doing, at all. I had made a bubble. A perfectly constructed, safe space. No one holding me back, judging me, or shadows looming. I was comfortable in my bubble.

That was until break came, and my bubble literally, popped.

I told Jungkook, (I’ll admit, rather coldly) that from the moment we were back in our hometown, none of this had ever happened. “If they ask, we kept up with each other on campus as friends, but that was it.”

He did not take well to this, but what was I supposed to do? Re-introduce one of my brother's closest friends as “my friend I go on dates with and kiss and sleep with every so often but he’s not really my boyfriend I don’t know we haven’t figured it out yet.” ???? Absolutely not. It is too complicated, too fast, too much for my brain to deal with all at once. It is bad enough returning home, and even worse knowing my problems were following me and harassing me in my own kitchen.

Jungkook sighs, having relented, “I don’t know what else to do, y/n.”

I pause for a moment, then shrug, “I’ve told you, i-it’s a hard situation. And any normal guy in your position would most definitely not be invited to my home during holiday, let alone bonding with my entire family and even join us for freaking christmas dinner if he wanted.”

His eyes look past me before nodding solemnly, “I get that, really, I-I’ve kept my distance! I’ve done what you asked, but you’re not even meeting me halfway.”

I put my hands out in front of him, “There is no half-way Jungkook.” I look to the basement door when I hear a voice and the steps creaking, “As of right now, there is nothing to talk about.”

He opens his mouth to complain and I loudly hush him, “Ah! Stop talking.”

He tries speaking again, no doubt further complaints about how unfair I’m being, and thankfully he notices Seokjin seconds before he slings his arm around him with a grin, “Wondered what was taking you so long to grab my coke.”

He laughs it off and Seokjin crosses the kitchen to grab a drink from the fridge, and I turn to leave before he calls out to me, “Yeah?”

“There’s still pizza down there, and we found the missing 4 striped ball.” He points at the basement door with the drink in his hand and chuckles, “Which if I remember correctly, you lost when you practically threw it at me.”

I roll my eyes, “I did not throw it at you, you hid it from me so I couldn’t win, I was beating you so bad you had to cheat.”

He chortles, “Yeah, that may be, but I’m nowhere near the best player anymore, you could easily win even if I cheated.”

I nod, “Yeah I’m sure-”

“Actually, Jungkook beat me twice and Taehyung forfeited, that's why we sent him up here, so we could have our own losers match.” He makes himself laugh even harder, walking back over to Jungkook, “We’re gonna go play mario kart in my old bedroom, you can join us or see if y/n is still the best at pool.” He speaks to Jungkook, but looks at me.

I shake my head, “It’s not that deep-”

“Of course! We have to.” Jungkook says quickly. I narrow my eyes towards him and he grins cockily, “unless you know you’ll already lose.”

I roll my eyes, “Comedic, you’ve always been a sore loser, I refuse for the sake of your ego.”

He scoffs, “Nope. Liar. You know you’re no good anymore and you’ll lose.”

I shake my head, “You’ll say anything to get me to play.”

He leans against the table, “Just one round. And I’ll even offer best of three, when you lose.” He grins cockily and I mock him.

“Whatever. ONE round, that’s it.”

Seokjin claps, “Perfect! Winner can run their victory lap around the house and boasting rights until next year, and loser pays our dinner later.” He pats our backs excitedly before jogging up to his room, Taehyung not far behind him.

Jungkook and I enter the basement, setting up the game and talking shit, as one does. “Who’s breaking?”

He smiles, holding his chosen pool cue, “Ladies first.”

I nod, “Such a gentleman.”

He laughs, “Yeah, that’s what got me into your pants.”

I mess up my shot and berate him. “I have half the mind to come over there and use this forcefully.” I lift up my pool cue and he pretends to be scared.

“Oh no! Please don’t!” I walk over to him, slap his chest and I only get one good (albeit, wimpy, compared to his strength) hit in before he grabs both of my hands and backs me into the pool table. He leans into me, our bodies touching leaving absolutely no room, and he kisses me.

I’m able to forget my surroundings and lose all rationality when he kisses me. He licks at my lips and I let his tongue slide past, soon enough his hands drop the cue, mine long forgotten as his hands slide down my body and he lifts me onto the table.

My hands are split, one tangling his hair and the other feeling his chest. He continues to kiss me fervently, hungrily, like he was touch-starved and in dire need of attention. He pulls me close and rubs against me, showing me how bad he wants me and it takes all the strength I have left to pull away, calling out to him. He ignores me the first time, kissing me in response to his name. I pull away again, “Jungkook.” he hums, busying himself with kissing and biting my neck, “Jungkook, w-we can’t.”

My pleas fall on deaf ears. “Jungkook, please,” my hands tug on his arms that are wrapped around me, “not here.”

He buries his face in my neck and leans into me with an annoyed groan. I let him rest like that for a while, waiting until he lifted his head and looked at me. “I don’t actually want to play pool.”

I chuckle, “Me neither.”

He takes a deep breath and nods, “Okay so let's use this table for a much better purpose.” He leans back into kiss me and I turn away, laughing at his desperate attempt.

“Jungkook, it’s bad enough, what we’re doing, let alone to do it in my house, where Seokjin is literally in, right now.”

He whines, “I don’t care! I will go up there right now and tell him-”

“Tell him what?!” Jungkook stops in his tracks. “Tell him what, Jungkook?” He doesn’t respond. “Exactly. We don’t have a label. I’m not ready to figure this out yet, there’s nothing to tell them now.”

His gaze softens and he steps towards me, his hands resting on my thighs as he draws circles on them, “But we’ll tell them eventually? It won’t be like this, much longer?”

I sigh, scratching his head and looking him in the eyes, “if we become official, if we really work out, then yes, of course. We’ll tell them.”

He kisses me again, barely parting our lips, “Okay, I’ll stop.”

I kiss him back and laugh, “Really? That’s all it took?” He furrows his brows. “Jungkook, I’ve been saying that since the beginning. Albeit, quite meaner.”

He nods, “You were being a megabitch, but I really like you so I didn’t mind.” He presses our noses together and smiles. I push his chest offendedly and he doesn’t move an inch, “You were stressed, worried, and confused, I don’t blame you. I should've been more sympathetic.” I kiss him again and thank him, followed by my own apology for mistreating him. “But there is still something different this time.”

I hum, “Yeah? What.”

He grins, “You acknowledged us being together.”

I roll my eyes, knowing I couldn’t hide the way my cheeks heat while trapped in his arms, “Whatever, stop talking.”

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚

heyyy thanks for reading! if u liked it check out my masterlist for more :) also!! i am (tentatively) accepting requests! send them in via dm or askbox! hope u have a gorgeous day! - ara <3

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[oplishin]

what are your thoughts on patho 2 re race

i don't think you were looking for such a long response but uhhh you're getting one!!!!! smarter people have discussed this better, but i have a lot of feelings.

the good:

the broad strokes of artemy's relationship to his race: everytime i have replayed p2, i find myself surprised by how much artemy's angst resonates with me. he can fit into the broader, white culture of the Town, but that acceptance is always conditional. his friends have this "you're not like them" attitude, or they're just outright racist to him. they hate his people but like him. He's also not accepted by the Kin- he's spent too much time both in the Town and outside of it. the way elders in the community chide him is too real, haha. artemy discovering that the cultural practices he ran away from in his youth actually really, really matter to his identity is a feeling i find uhhh really relatable!!! this aspect of p2 just rings really emotionally true.

i like the way (some of) the racism is written: vlad jr is obsessed with learning about the culture of the Kin, he's even gained some trust with them, but wow, he does not give a shit about them when it comes down to it. they're an object of study to him, artifacts to collect, not actually people. andrey takes the cultural art of twyre tinctures and uses it to make a profit and to get really high. he keeps a dancing herb bride in his bar as entertainment. rubin's deal feels similar, he's learning kin traditions because of his weird weird relationship with isidor, but he hates the people. i like that foreman oyun sells out his culture, and that he hates himself so much for it.

okay. it's only downhill from here.

the bad. there's a lot:

the endings

i think the endings are cynical to the point of being unnuanced and un-interesting. the tragic mulatto trope played as straight as possible to a comically extreme degree. either almost every NPC you've met dies, or you destroy the remnants of your indigenous culture. it's just. i don't know. it wouldn't be very pathologic for this to have an actual magical solution- there isn't a magical solution in real life, the status quo just churns onward, and indigenous bodies and lives are discounted. i don't know. i don't know!

i hate that the game presents the diurnal ending as better than the nocturnal one. this is the part where my faulty memory is troublesome- i may be getting the way the fandom treats the endings mixed up with the way the game does. sorry if that's the case! the diurnal ending is bright, the town you've spent so much time saving is safe at last, all your children and friends are rebuilding their lives in interesting ways that you get to take part in. but it's fucking disgusting! the bodies and lives and culture of indigenous people are utterly discounted. this includes artemy, who's doomed to forever try to fit into white society, to never be able to pass on his cultural traditions, who just has to let himself die. the only person who mourns is a dying Aspity, who was one of the last people to carry on and teach tradition anyways. it's terrible.

i,, honestly do not remember much of the nocturnal ending, and a lot of went over my head when i played it. the majority of people read the nocturnal ending as "the bad ending"- all your friends die. and even though they're all super racist, you care about them, probably.

whyyyyyy are the indigenous characters written Like That????

it is fucking embarrassing that 26/29 of the Bound are white. i cannot believe this did not change with 14 years of hindsight post p1. well, the game did add nara, and she deserves her own paragraph!!!! wow, lucky her!!!!!!!!! the kin are so fucking underrepresented within the major characters. the white characters are given complex, differing perspectives about the nature of government, spirituality, morality and guilt. pathologic 2 writes the Kin as a mystical, esoteric hivemind. the non-diversity in the perspectives within the Kin was always something that bothered me, even when I was 15. They do not feel like a real, breathing living group of people. minority groups are not monoliths. i think the game wants to represent them as a collectivist culture, but is too racist to know that people within collectivist cultures uhhh have opinions about things.

p2's racism is just slightly more subtle than p1's, to the point where my stupid fucking 15 year old self didn't pick up on it as much. but god, it also asks the incredible question "what if racist stereotypes were true? wouldn't that sort of justify mass genocide? isn't the diurnal ending just as valid as the nocturnal ending?"

so much justification for the white characters' racism within the fandom comes from "but the indigenous characters did [x] bad thing! but their culture is misogynist!" which 1) fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you 2) someone made the active choice to write the indigenous characters like this. now why would they do this??

the misogyny

god i fucking hate the herb brides. i know that the fandom has tried to reclaim them in interesting ways. i just really cannot. why are these dancers all soft and curvy in the correct ways? why do their clothes fall off to look like they're wearing raggedy skimpy swimsuits? why are gamers soooo horny?? i'm. i cannot! i can't. this game has an asian women fetish. no thanks!

this brings me to the nara thing, which, okay. i'm about to get really mean!!! nara is this demure, docile, exotically sexy lady who's totally cool with giving up her agency artemy and being killed by him because the game has deemed it necessary. sorry, i do not care abotu the diegetic reasons for this. there's a dream sequence where her sexy sillohuette dances in the void. why? this game has a misogyny problem! and a yellow fever problem!! so much of her dialogue is dedicated to "ohhh i'm trying to make you less uncomfortable with this, artemy :(. i'm indifferent i promise :((" she doesn't protest in her death, she just says lore at the player. i'm not happy. i find the attempts to reclaim her in fandom admirable, i'm just. disgusted! by all of it! this game owes me reparations.

[yncel]

ENTRY 01

Sigh, I don't even know where to begin with this one.. here goes nothing.

So as it turns out, whenever you feel as though life can't get any worse.. I promise you, it surely can and will. If there's anything that I've learnt in the past week, it would be that my life has just thrown another curveball at me and now not only am I worn out, heartbroken and exhausted, I am also.. riddled with fear. And this journal is to document what I'm going through lest something bad happens to me.

Alot has happened in the past month. I gathered up the courage to FINALLY leave hoon Sunghoon, my now ex-boyfriend, and our incredibly toxic relationship after I found explicit text messages he'd send to his co-worker. I didn't confront him about it because I knew he'd somehow find a way to pin the blame on me and wouldn't let me leave. And so I fled. To another city.

I sighed a breath of relief during the 8 hour drive to Busan, knowing that I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. I had blocked him everywhere whilst also strictly instructing my friends and family to not tell him about my whereabouts. It finally dawned on me that I had been wasting my time and my youth on this snake of a man.

And so I started integrating back into society, making new friends, going out and having fun. Things he'd never let me do and beat me out of doing. I was finally LIVING... but that didn't last too long. It was just the calm before the storm.

I should've known. I should've known as a person who always had an eye on her at all times, to finally find freedom out of nowhere so easily.. it had to have been a spoof. Like a rabbit who so conveniently finds a carrot tied to a stick.

It started with the roses. Found them leaning on my apartment door when I came back home one evening. Thought they were meant for someone else at first but upon closer inspection, the glistening metal reflecting the hallway light couldn't be mistaken for something else. My promise ring that I had left on his dining table, neatly tucked in between the red.

I knew it was over then and there, the sporadic beating of my heart felt as though it would explode any second. But I don't want to give up, I had just tasted freedom in 4 years and I can't imagine myself going back to that hellhole. Even if I did, who is to say that he will not just kill me?? I've known him for so long, it wouldn't be uncharacteristic of him to hurt me out of his rage. He's already done it so many times, who's to say that this will be any different? And I know this time I've made him more angry than he's ever been in his entire life. And if I'm going to get hurt anyway, I'd rather put up a fight.

I contacted the police and they didn't make anything out of it but needless to say, I wasn't surprised. I asked my friends if they had ratted me out to him and they vehemently denied it. I deleted all of my socials and changed my phone number. I've changed the way I dress and I'm starting to avoid going out unless it's absolutely necessary. I don't know how long I can survive like this, especially since this hasn't deterred sunghoon in the slightest.

I see him everywhere and I just have to pretend that I don't. The car behind me in the drive through. The person standing in the middle of the park lot. The hooded figure that bumped into me in the seven eleven. I sometimes catch a whiff of his scent in the corridors as if he's just been there. He's playing with me like a predatory cat upon a mouse and I'm totally helpless.

The ticking of the clock reminds me of his lack of patience. How long until he stops finding this entertaining and decides to just pounce? It's no longer a matter of "if" but of "when" and when he does, I want you to know that I didn't just dissappear. And I want to make sure that he won't be able to hurt any other person the way he did me.

I've started to count down the days.

[the-himawari-otome]

[Shuuen no Virche] Birthday Short Story - Mathis Claude

The birthday celebration of a certain young man who's fond of books

<Original post here>

･ﾟ･:,｡★ translation under the cut ★,｡･:･ﾟ

Lucas: Happy birthday, Mathis. I am overjoyed from the bottom of my heart that you were born on this day.

Adolphe: She's going to be joining us later. But she also said she wants to congratulate Mathis with all her heart.

Ankou: Considering it's Princess we are talking about, I am sure she will have some wonderful words to share with you.

Mathis: T-Thank you, everyone! This is my first time having so many people celebrate my birthday...!

Jean: That's right, young master. To think you've made so many friends... I myself am delighted as well.

Yves: Oh, really? In that case, we have to have lots of fun day, right? First thing's first—.

Yves: On that note, I've prepared plenty of my homemade food that Mathis told me he loves so much!

Mathis: Wow, it look delicious! *Drools*... I-Is it really okay to eat such a grand meal?

*.........*

Jean: ...The light left everyone's eyes in an instant. Are you alright?

Scien: There's no way in hell we'd be alright in the face of tragedy.

Adolphe: You got that right. This sight is bad for our hearts even though we let the food slide since it's Mathis's favourite...

Lucas: So Mathis, have you always been spending your birthdays with Jean?

Mathis: Yes! On those occasions, Jean also tries his hand at making dishes that he's not so great at. I enjoy Jean's homemade cooking much more than food bought at Marché.

Jean: I told him that it would be better to purchase some more proper food—however, he wouldn't hear it, saying he prefers this...

Yves: Ahaha. The two of you really do seem more like a real family than just a boy and his butler.

Mathis: Ehehe. I'm glad if you say so.

Mathis: Oh right, Jean. Why did you leave a present by my pillow this year? I was surprised when I saw it there when I woke up in the morning.

Jean: Oh, was it not to your liking?

Mathis: Oh, no. I was really happy. But I was wondering why you started doing that this year...

Jean: ...Well, there's no particular reason. I simply thought it would be nice to celebrate your birthday "for real" once in a while.

Mathis: ...??

*CLICK*

Ankou: My, my. It appears our long-awaited Princess has arrived, Mathis Claude.

Adolphe: Come on. Go ahead, Mathis.

Mathis: Ah, w-welcome! Thank you very much for coming to celebrate my birthday today...!

Mathis: I'll do my very best to entertain you so you have an enjoyable time—.

*Rustle, rustle*

Mathis: ...Hm, what's this? ...A gift that you were tossing and turning over until the very last minute? And you prepared it for me?

Mathis: T-Thank you so much! ...Um, can I open it?

Mathis: ...Wow! It's a bracelet with a beautiful gem!

Mathis: It's filled with your prayers—that I'll be able to continue writing the novels that I love?

Mathis: ...Err, ah, haha... what should I do? I'm so happy that I feel like I'm about to cry.

Mathis: This shouldn't be the first time I've had someone celebrate my birthday. Yet I wonder why I'm getting so emotional...

Jean: ...

Mathis: Thank you very much. I'll treasure it...! And I promise on this gem that you've given me.

Mathis: I'll write tons of stories in my life to come—and I'll ask you, who's special to me, to be my very first reader!

And someday. I hope—I'll be able to convey these feelings to you through the words I've spun myself.

---

[DO NOT USE OR REPOST MY WORK W/O PERMISSION, THANK YOU]

[swanimagines]

A BARMAID'S DEAL | JASON RIPPER

Summary: After your ex-friend has terrorised your life for four years, an unexpected saviour comes to your aid - but making a deal with him may pay you more than you thought.

You couldn't believe how you got in this situation. Befriending a snake of a friend and ending your friendship with her had lasting effects, her using her profession as a lawyer to bring you down, get you fired from your old job and kicked out from your apartment. So now you were forced to work at a shabby bar, the owner was nice enough to let you stay in the back room though.

And even now, Henny’s terrorism on you occasionally emerged - mostly hate mail and your ex-friends scowling at you on the street. It hurt, even when it had been four years since it started. Henny had been patient with taking you down, and four months ago, you got fired from your job and the next week, your landlord also kicked you out. You had no choice but to move to the poorer area of London filled with prostitutes and where Jack the Ripper had murdered women just a few decades ago. But you hadn’t had any choice.

You were fortunate to get hired as a barmaid in a bar with a nice boss and nice colleagues, even when customers smirked at you, smacked your butt when you passed them, you were asked to come sit with them and entertain them. And it had only been a week since you started work.

One day, a young man, a rich young man in a fancy suit stepped into the bar, and you locked eyes with him and he strode towards the counter. Your colleague, Sandra, took in a shaky sigh. "Oh my God, not again."

"What?"

"That's Jason Ripper," Sandra sighed. "He's been harassing me for weeks. He says lewd stuff and says me being scared is 'sexy' and threatens to kill any other man who looks at me in a romantic sense. God, I wish he would be gone."

You laid a wary glance at the man. "I'll take him for you, if you want."

Sandra scoffed. "You can try. But he will insist on getting me to serve him and then I have no choice."

You nodded and took in a deep breath, putting on your best customer smile and walked over to Jason.

“Hello, sir. What can I get you?” you chirped, putting the rag to the side.

Jason huffed slightly upon seeing you. “Where’s Sandra?”

“Miss Onslow is busy, I’m-”

“A new beautiful barmaid,” Jason interrupted, his gaze wandering up and down your form and then he narrowed his eyes as he inspected your face. “But you don’t look like you've grown around here. You look too… polished.”

You paused for a moment, staring at him for a moment. Then you cleared your throat. “Looks can be deceiving, sir.”

Jason smirked, clearly amused by your reply. “In any case, I like what I see. Get me a whiskey, beautiful.”

You took in a shaky breath, taking out a glass and pouring him a whiskey and then handing the glass to him. He purposefully let his fingers brush against yours when he took the glass, and you jerked your hand back. He just smirked at you, taking a sip from the glass. “This place isn’t safe for someone like you.”

You scoffed, wiping the counter again. “What do you mean by ‘someone like me’?”

Jason's eyes traveled up and down your form again. “You’re like an angel who has lost herself into a cave full of demons. Everyone sees it here.”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep your temper in check. “Fine. I’m not from around here. Nor did I come here of my own free will. Happy?”

He huffed, tilting his head slightly. “Hm. You will get cut out from the streets within six months.”

“I can handle myself just fine.”

He didn’t reply at first, taking another sip of his whiskey. “A beautiful young woman like you doesn’t belong here.”

“I have my reasons to be here. It’s none of your concern,” you retorted.

He just smirked at you. “Your concerns are my concerns now.”

You swallowed - this guy screamed at least a dozen red flags, probably even more than that, and yet you felt a certain allure towards him. 

You wanted to hit yourself for feeling that way.

“What exactly do you want from me?” you mumbled, clenching your fists.

Jason smirked again. “I want to help you.”

“Help me?”

He narrowed his eyes, looking you over again. “You said you didn’t end up here of your own free will. I need a name, and they’ll be taken care of.”

You stared at him for a moment again - this guy read you like an open book. It almost felt like… he understood you. Or then he knew just the right buttons to manipulate you. Nevertheless, you were incredibly tempted to drop Henny’s name. But at the same time, you knew it wouldn’t be free. He’d want something from you.

So, you tried to play it safe. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jason licked his lips and raised his eyebrows at that. “You don’t?”

You wanted to deny it again, but instead, you swallowed and the next words came out almost automatically. “I don’t have any money to pay you for taking her out.”

He scoffed, taking another sip. “I don’t want money.”

You frowned. “What do you want, then?” He didn't answer right away and you shook your head, taking a step back. “I’m not going to have sex with you.”

He scoffed again, twirling his now empty whiskey glass. “A date.”

You paused, staring at him again. “One date?”

He smirked and nodded. “A dinner. And I’ll walk you home. That’s it.”

You pursed your lips, breathing out. “No sex. And you will leave Sandra alone from now on.”

He hummed as an answer, which technically wasn’t a confirmation for a no. But still, getting rid of Henny was too tempting so you nodded, taking in a shaky breath. 

Her name rolled off your tongue the next moment, your will to have revenge on the woman who ruined your life overpowering your mind screaming you shouldn’t do it. “Henny Martins.”

Jason looked surprised when you actually went through with it, but then a dark grin spread on his face. “Consider it done. I’ll pick you up tomorrow night, I’ll bring you something sexy to put on.”

Then, he walked to the door, straightening his jacket before disappearing outside. Dread filled your veins, feeling like you just made a deal with the devil.

Sandra sighed in relief upon seeing Jason leaving. "Finally."

You glanced at Sandra. "Yeah, he seems like trouble."

Sandra nodded, shaking her head slightly. "You have no idea. He's been a thorn in my side for weeks now. I don't know what he sees in me, but it's creepy, and sometimes I’m afraid to walk home alone. It just feels like he waits in the shadows for a chance to jump on me."

You looked back at the door. "I... I made a deal with him."

Sandra’s eyes snapped on you that instant, and her mouth fell open. “You did what? Are you crazy?”

“He promised to take Henny out of the picture for me, I couldn’t say no,” you mumbled, clenching and unclenching your fists against the wooden counter. Jason’s whiskey glass was still in front of you, and you stared at the few drops of whiskey on the bottom of it. “He wants to take me on a date in return. I told him it won’t include sex and I also told him to leave you alone from now on, but I don’t know if he agreed to them because he didn’t really say anything about it… and he also told me he’s bringing me something ‘sexy’ to put on, which I really hope isn’t foreshadowing the following night. But on the other hand, he said it’s only dinner and he’s walking me home.”

“And you’re just taking his word for it?” Sandra asked, shaking her head, her mouth still slightly open. “How naive are you?”

“I don’t have a choice!” you exclaimed, attracting some attention from the patrons and you lowered your voice again. “It’s the only way, the police won’t help a poor barmaid living in Whitechapel, and Henny just won’t let me be. I need to do something before she’s ruining my life here too.”

Sandra clicked her tongue silently, her eyes looking over the bar. “I really hope you know what you’re doing.”

You scoffed. “I don’t. But this is my best bet.”

And throughout the rest of that night, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you had made a mistake - but at the same time, you knew this was the only option. And even when you hated yourself for it, something in Jason Ripper drew you in, almost making you wait for your dinner date…

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[ryssherry]

little do we know. part 2

After you came back from meeting Jill, Chris was standing in front of your door. You knew something was up and you need to heard it out from him.

Chris Redfield x female reader

Context: fluff, proposal

PART 1 IS HERE 

https://www.tumblr.com/ryssherry/723288951966793728/little-do-we-know?source=share

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“Got some time?”

You eyed him with tired expression on your face. You just came home from breaking Jill’s heart and now you need to face Chris in the flesh. You thought you need a break from this.

But how can you refuse Chris?

You sighed. “Yeah...come on in.” you said as you opened the door. 

“Thanks.” Chris took of his boot and let himself in. He put the foods on your kitchen island while you hung your and Chris’s jacket on the coat rack and told him to make himself at home. 

Chris sat on the stool after setting up all the plates and cups for both of you to feast. Somehow in the corner of your heart, you felt relieve. Actually the tightness in your chest vanished as soon as you saw Chris in front of your doorstep. You just wanted to crash yourself onto him and cried on his chest uncontrollably.

And you knew if you did that it will only grow him a worry.

Plus, Chris sure does know you were hungry. The messing thoughts in your brain may disappeared after you fill up your tummy. Well, its though being a woman and you still didn’t have a proper dinner even after you went out.

“Come here. Let’s fill your grumbling tummy,” Chris said, teasingly as you were making your way to the island and took a seat in front of him. You gave him a death stare while he smirked.

“Did I disturb your activity tonight?” Chris asked since he didn’t text you beforehand that he was coming. You particularly didn’t know how to react either to say no or yes because you like it when he is around. Chris made you feel safe and comfortable but now you were a bit tired from the day. 

“No...not really I just planned to make myself a simple dinner when I’m home. By the way, thanks for the food though.” you smiled, appreciate his action.

“Not a problem.” 

You and Chris opened all the boxes that full of Chinese takeout. You couldn’t wait to taste some of the orange chicken since you didn’t even remember when was the last time you ate it. You rarely had it due to the distance from your home...or you just forget it exist.

“Oh, I forgot to ask. How long has you been on my doorstep? Why didn’t you text me first?” You questioned. Chris scratched the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed with his manners actually.

“Don’t worry. Its not that long. Just about 10 minutes worth seeing you at least. I didn’t text you beforehand because I thought I could make a surprise,” he lied in his first sentence. You curious about his words but you didn’t plan to ask him further when you were now dead hungry.

“What made you came here all the way? I thought you were busy,” you plated some fried rice into his plate. He seems delightful when you did that, thinking you prioritized him first. 

“I just wanted to see you. It’s been a while since I got my not so called ‘holiday’ so...yeah. I made some plans before coming back to base.” he explained as he poured orange juice into your cup. Lowkey you started to think that you were like a husband and wife, taking care of each other. You snapped yourself out of it quickly.

You grinned. Happy to heard about his idea and he acted like you hadn’t see him for years even though you guys last met was 3 months ago. 

“You sure wanna stick around me don’t cha?” you teased him back with a laugh. Chris let out a chuckled with you too which lighten up the atmosphere.

“You caught me red handed Ma’am.”

You shook your head along with a smirk on your face, feeling unbelievable to his joke.

“Dig in big guy.” you invited him. 

Chris and you ate and exchanged stories about your days. Chris let out his dissatisfaction about his latest mission and sometimes bragged about his skills to you. You laughed your heart out, entertained with his stories. He looked so passionate talking and making his mouth moves which sometimes left you amused.  

And deep down in your heart you realized how your talks with Jill and Chris were really contradicting. You thanked God for sending someone like Chris to brighten up your mood after your incident with Jill. You head felt lifted.  You were wiping the table clean after you had your feast when Chris suddenly asked you question that made you stood in silent.

His broad back was facing you while he washes the dishes in the sink.  “What was that?” you asked him back, worry if you had mistaken what you just heard. Chris dried off his hand and leaned over, his hands crossed on his wide chest. “I say... do you mind if we discuss something? I-I mean about us.” you looked Chris into his eyes. You thought you saw something in it which tells you that this is serious.  “Us?... yeah...sure,” you replied and both of you sat on your couch. Chris sat just a few inches away from you which you thought that you were in delusional when you can feel Chris’s body heat. 

You sat facing him and observed his behavior. “What is it Chris?” you spoke softly as you didn’t want to scare him. You put your hand above his, trying to reassure him.  Chris flipped his hand and grab yours instead, squeezing it slightly.  “I need to be completely honest with you. I cant wait any longer or any other day not telling you this. Not when I need to be back to the base in a short time.” he explained.

Your eye didn’t leave Chris’s face. He looked worry or...nervous? You can’t tell.

“Y/N, I love you...” he paused. Your eyes widen.

“This feeling had been so long since the first day I saw you with Rebecca. You are stunning in the way I can’t describe because I only feel it when you are around. You are an amazing woman besides all that I knew. Your soft heart, your savageness,” he smiled softly “and you. I...love you for being you, Y/N. You had me since the first time we met. So, please...” now he took your hand close to his chest, looking at you.  “...would you be mine?”  

That was when you didn’t know to expect the question or to be surprise with it. Chris squeezed your hand again which made you back to the earth. You looked down on your knees and then quickly turned your head to him, touched with what he said. Oh God, what do you deserve to get a man as sweet as Chris? You let out your breath for a second and smiled “What make you think I will not accept you Mr. Redfield?”  You chuckled a bit to calm him. He grinned ear to ear. His face was as red as a beet, happy to hear your answer.  “Really? Did I do something that you accepted me easily?” He still hold your hand. You put your head on his shoulder, smiling too.

“What easy? I had put a lot of test on you before this. Its just you who not notice,” you joked with him. 

“Really? Then I must be smart enough to pass all of your test, sweetheart.” He pinched you cheek playfully. The surrounding taste so much lighter and loving for both of you, spending your time with him and he claim you to be his before he needs to go for another mission. He was afraid that someone would take you way, especially from Carlos when he could see that he might have interest in you.  “Wait, wear this.” Chris suddenly pulled out a velvet box from his back. You just watching him and waiting in curious. A ring? But the box was a little bit big to be so. He opened the box and your jaw dropped.  “A bracelet?” You said in disbelief. You saw a glamorous silver bracelet with moon chain sparking with diamond. Chris stared at you with admiration and took the bracelet off the box and wore it on your left wrist as a sign of belonging. Your other hand cup your mouth as your tears started to drop one by one.

‘Seriously Lord what did I do to deserve him’ you cried in your heart.

“Chris...” your voice cracked from crying. Chris shushed you and caressed your hair lovingly. His eyes never left you with love.

“I bought the moon charm because it reminds me of you. Whenever I was on the mission, the moon is always there like its never left me. You had been on my mind for so long and I know I wanted to cherish you, protect you and to give you all of me even my bones to you.” Your foreheads touched and you still crying, melted from hearing his words.  “Y/N, I promise you to take a good care of you. To be with you and grow old with you and I sure will propose to you properly when I got back. Next time, with a ring.” He kissed your temple and you bit your lower lip, trying to hide your smile in his chest.

“Chris, you don’t have to.” You wiped your tears while shaking your head. He done enough for you. “This is enough,” you tried hard to smile when your face muscle become sore from the tears.

“And we don’t have to be in rush. I will always be here...waiting for you to come home. To me.” This time you had your lips to beam which made Chris chuckled.

“Its okay. I am more than willing to give you more,” he helped wipe your remaining tears on your cheek and chin. Your face was red and heating. 

You then hugged him with the most tight hug you ever give to people as if you don’t want to let go. He put his hands around your waist and hugged you back. You can feel like his soul and love just flows through your body. 

The worst day ever just turned into the best one in a second.

“I love you, Chris.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

[skoulsons]

just a little word vomit because I am in my thoughts

characters getting genuinely taken care of in entertainment (or fics) is so personal to me

I hate, HATE being taken care of because I hate feeling useless. I was just on a trip and we were doing a lot of outside work. One of the days, my foot, from a year old injury, started to flare up a bit one of the days. Last year, I was nearly begged to sit down and rest from the job for a while since my foot was bad. This year when it flared up, I just switched jobs because I hate, even with an injury, sitting on the side and not doing anything. I always feel like I am looked at like I offer nothing and I haven’t been working hard, even though I have. I always feel like people look at me and think “she should be working” or “she doesn’t have a good enough reason to be sitting out” or whatever. It constantly makes me doubt any actual injury and, therefore, push myself way beyond the extent my body should be pushed

But it goes even deeper than that. My idea of my worth is very skewed because of my life and things that I’ve gone through and what I made myself believe mentally since I was about five years old. I’m getting better, but for a long time, I had no worth. I didn’t see myself as worthy of someone’s love or care. If someone took care of me, for whatever reason, I always feel bad. I always see it as them doing it because they think they have to or that they see it as a job; not because they actually care about me

I remember the day I got injured. I was laying on the couch (as I couldn’t walk) and had my leg elevated and I asked my brother “would you mind getting me a bag of ice?” And he said of course and came right back with ice and a towel. But in that moment I felt so bad. Despite being injured and literally unable to walk and being FULLY allowed to ask for something like that, I still felt bad to ask. Even though it was my brother and I know he loves me and I know that what he did took MAYBE 15 seconds, I still felt bad

So to see entertainment or written fics of characters being genuinely taken care of in way, shape, or form just hits me. Almost like it’s something I can learn from?? That it’s okay to let people take care of me and that I do know people who are willing to take care of me if need be because they love me and it is not seen as being a burden to them???

[worshipme]

and i miss my lover, man || a self-para penned by sora for mayhemhq’s HOOK

“hey rachel, it’s nice to see you again.” he greets the woman with a hug that lingers for longer than a moment. his name rolls off her tongue and once upon a time it had been his favorite thing to hear in the world.

when she graduated and returned home from university, tyler was still the first person she texted even if they hadn’t talked in the past four years. seeing her contact appear on his lock screen was enough for him to stop everything he was doing and reply.

ever since that text, they had periodically been meeting up with each other. hanging out like friends do, and seriously hanging out like friends do. never alone, always with their old group of friends from high school. catching each other up on new updates in life and legally drinking together. but tyler and rachel weren’t ever friends. they were lovers longer than they were friends. their relationship was an instant attraction that quickly turned into tyler trying to make the quiet girl who he caught staring at him in the middle of math blush. the real catalyst was when their assigned seats were right next to each other with the hopes of tyler’s rambunctious self would calm down if he was seated right at the front next to the quiet smart girl.

spoiler: it did.

tucked in his backpack he brought with him is the little box of every post-it note and crumbled up piece of paper that she had ever passed to him from that first day in math class that he sent her one with a simple question of him asking for the answer on a test. there’s a few other things in there - various pictures and different bracelets. the box held every little thing he had kept from their relationship. he can see a similar box tucked under her own arm that he can only assume is his side of their conversations and other things she had kept.

he offers up his arm for her to take, but like she always does, she shakes her head and begins to lead the way down to their spot in the creek. tyler walks beside her. it’s been years since he’s been here, and he knows it’s the same for her. it felt wrong to visit this little part of the creek without the other, but now that they’re here, they can’t help but sit down and talk about the old days.

but when the conversation begins to die out and he’s left with the bitter-sweet beating of his heart in his chest, he knows its time. “thank you for doing this with me.” he says, and his voice is just shy of a whisper.

“i need this too.” comes her reply.

“i feel like we’re at a funeral.”

“it kind of is, if you think about it. we’re both finally letting go of our relationship.”

“i don’t know why i held on to it for so long. i don’t have feelings for you anymore, but…”

“it’s all we knew. we spent our entire adolescence together, and we’re both the sentimental type. talk about a double homicide.”

“yeah, i guess that’s why… can you stop looking at me like that? it makes me sad.”

“why does this feel like another breakup?”

“i’m initiating this one, though. you got the first one.”

“fuck you.”

“one last time?”

she punches his shoulder and he can’t help but laugh. she joins in.

they start to collect nearby rocks and arrange it in a small circle. they continue to talk to fill the silence, and its then that she asks the question he’s been hoping to avoid. “so what happened with mariah? unless that’s still a fresh wound, i know it was only recently that the two of you split.” it makes him pause and look at her with an awkward smile on his face.

“i wasn’t ready to let you go. so while i had feelings for mariah, i was still entertaining the thought of ‘what if rach and i fall in love again’ in my head. i couldn’t do that to her. not be fully committed and all that. that’s just not me. and then when she ended things with me i just… i realized i needed to let you go. that this is why i can’t see myself dating someone else because i keep thinking about you.”

“…. me too….”

“i know. i’m not the only one with stuff to burn.”

there’s a silence that follows that. they begin to dump the contents of their boxes into the center of the rocks, and like some sort of twisted storybook - tyler immediately recognizes the first photo they took and printed out together as a couple that lays on the very top. they were just kids back then, and the smiles on their faces practically screamed out ‘this is my person!’

“i loved you.” it doesn’t matter who says it first, because the other is quick to reply, “i loved you, too.”

a match is tossed into the pile and the world begins to burn.

[faejilly]

jilly's week in review?

I guess or something. Idek y'all, I was gonna try and do reviews but then I just rambled about what I did instead, so this is clearly gonna need a format revamp next week

anyway

READING

Finished Daughter of Witches

and also St. Peter's Fair, which I had started AGES ago and sort of lost track of, but I'm doing the January Challenge on TheStoryGraph and couldn't decide what to read next but needed to get my pages in, so I went digging for random shit and I have read it before and watched all the Cadfael mysteries so it's not like it was hard to get into to finish it so I could save my streak.😅

Read A House with Good Bones (on purpose from start to finish in one day!) because T. Kingfisher/Ursula Vernon is absofuckinglutely one of my favorites. (There's a thought here about my occasional forays into the horror genre, and how some horror is almost kind of cozy because it's about protecting what we love from what we fear, and that is very much a Kingfisher kind of thing, but that might need a new post and a more functional brain to figure out where I'm going with that.)

Listened to a little bit more of IT while doing housework; I'm not great at audio books except when I'm driving, but sometimes I can manage a little (and I didn't want to distract myself from dishes by picking up a new book instead). Stephen Weber is an excellent narrator btw, for anyone who's curious.

WATCHING

The husband was sick last week, and I was only sort of doing shit either, so he kind of just put the TV on and let it go and I definitely will not manage a nice list with links like I did with books. There was some M*A*S*H, (oh, I did finally watch the special that recently came out on Hulu), and RoboCop (largely because Thing 1 gave the husband the new game for Christmas) and several different Predator movies of various quality, and a bunch of other stuff I am not thinking of at the moment. I know I picked a couple and watched them myself but with everything else I can't remember what?

Also some Mythbusters when Thing 2 picked something to watch for awhile, which is pretty much always entertaining even when we're like: your sample size is nonexistent and just because you can't do it doesn't mean someone who knows what they're doing couldn't have done it so are you SURE you should have busted that? 😅

PLAYING

I got Garden Story for Christmas and got through the quest-lines and realized I was quite far away from all the upgrades, so I've been periodically poking at it and trying to get my villages/tools better before trying the Final Boss. I have had a good time with Concord though, it's fun, I'm just not sure the leveling functions, such as they are, are paced/balanced quite right? 😅 (Or perhaps I'm just Bad At Fighting In Cozy Games? This does seem to be a bit of a trend tbqh, probably why I liked Wylde Flowers' lack of combat so much.) I also have found VERY FEW of the memories/weird achievements so that's a thing I'm probably going to have to look up hints for soon-ish...

(I did finish Potion Permit last year, which is great, I recommend it whole-heartedly: the potion building mechanic is usually pretty solid, it has good characters, a nice aesthetic, I did actually mostly have fun rolling around and fighting things/gathering stuff, but I did reach the end of the main quest and then go... huh, is that it? just because it, yk, kept going after the finale but there didn't seem to be anything there beyond like, a couple personal quests that needed materials I couldn't unlock until the end.)

MORE ENTERTAININGLY I THINK, we did also play some board games

Paint The Roses is QUITE HARD with only two people even if you stick to the medium level whims; or maybe I'm just not that smart?!? We did in fact survive without getting our heads' chopped off by the Queen of Hearts, but we legit guessed the last two puzzles so. Dumb Luck™️ is not nearly as reliable as actually figuring out how to plot your plants better.

We did Escape the Dark Sector (with more people this time, tbf) on our first try though! That was pretty delightful. It is atmospheric and potentially almost deadly without feeling too awful at any point! Also I got to punch a tentacle monster!

Mice & Mystics can go dramatically bad if your dice aren't on your side and you do like, one stupid thing to compound that, and then if you're invested enough to start over you can suddenly realize you've been moving tiny plastic mice and bugs around the table for like four hours and still only got through the first chapter... but not regret it at all because you like your mice and are very proud of them for finally making it!

Can you tell we like co-op games? 🤣🤣🤣

(I did also do some rearranging so the game room was comfier, so like, win/win I adulted and played!)

THERE WAS NO WRITING OR CROSS-STITCHING OR PAINTING OR ANYTHING ELSE THIS WEEK, so uh. Clearly my balance of activities is bonkers and I should maybe get off the couch/game chair(s) a bit more often.

[forthereaderinserts]

The Yokai Ninja

Chapter 2

[Masterlist]

[prev] [next]

~|~

The mood was palpable as the young teens trailed after the jonin in front of them. When the group reached the roof, the gray haired boy spoke again, “So, why don’t we start off by introducing ourselves.”

Sakura was quick to pipe up again. “Introduce ourselves? Well, what should we say?” 

He rolled his visible eye, “Start with your name, and if that’s not too hard, we can move on to what you do and don’t like, any dreams for the future, your hobbies. Stuff like that.” That seemed easy enough, it was an activity that they usually made little kids do at the beginning of the school year, but did he have to be so rude about it?

“Why don’t you go first,” How was Naruto confused by this? It’s so simple. “Ya’ know, tell us about yourself so we know what to do.”

He sighed like it was some great task to interact with them, "My name is Kakashi Hatake. You don't need to know about what I like, and I don’t want you to know about my hobbies. As for my dreams for the future, I don’t really have any.” Seriously? That was so useless… And what was with the attitude?

It seemed like Sakura shared their sentiment, whispering to the group, “What a waste of time, all he told us was his name.” 

Kakashi interrupted the gossip by having Naruto go first, now that he’d answered the boy's question. “Right! I’m Naruto Uzumaki. I like instant cup ramen, and I really like the ramen at Ichiraku’s, but I hate the 3 minutes it takes to cook it! My hobbies are trying a buncha different kinds of ramen and comparing them all! And for my big dream for the future, I’m going to be the best Hokage this village has ever seen! That way people will have to start respecting me and treat me like I’m somebody; somebody important.”

Y/N paused at that last part. They expected him to go on and on about pranks and ramen, but maybe there was something else to this boy. It was Sakura’s turn next. “I’m Sakura Haruno, what I like– I mean, the person I like is… Uh, my hobby is, heh. My dream for the future…?”

She let out a shrill squeal as Kakashi-sensei tiredly urged her to continue and finish her dislikes. She barks out Naruto’s name, causing him to groan like he’d been hit. If this is what being a ninja was like, Y/N regretted every decision that led to this path. 

If Sakura’s introduction was exactly how they expected it to go, no doubt Sasuke would be a brooding mess of angst and darkness. “My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I hate a lot of things, and I don’t particularly like anything. What I have is not a dream because I’m going to make it a reality. I’m going to restore my clan and destroy a certain someone.”

That went as well as it could’ve, Y/N supposed. It certainly made everyone uncomfortable, but they felt like the only one who caught Sasuke promising to ‘restore’ his clan. Weird, though they should probably be the one to break the silence. It was their turn after all.

“My name is Y/N Seireiko. I don’t have many hobbies outside of chores, but I like reading and listening to music, I guess. I don’t like getting involved with drama, even if it makes for the best entertainment, and I don’t like watching people get taken advantage of. My dream for the future… I guess it’s just to make a difference to at least one person; prove to myself that I’m worth more than my fears tell me.”

Kakashi stared at Y/N for a second before moving on, “Great, you’re all interesting and unique individuals. We’ll have our first mission tomorrow.” Already? 

“Already? Yes!” Naruto cheered, what’s with everyone being mind-readers today. “What kind of mission are we going on sensei?”

“Something special for the five of us, a survival exercise.”

“Survival exercise?!” “I thought we were supposed to get a real mission, we’ve done this at the academy before!” Y/N let Naruto and Sakura complain, they didn’t feel ready to take on a full-scale mission with these guys yet.

“Good thing this isn’t going to be like what you did at the academy.” Why was he laughing like that? What was going to happen during this exercise?

“Hey, that’s a normal question! Why are you laughing?” Y/N really needed to start speaking out loud, this was getting ridiculous.

Kakashi chuckled again, though it sounded more like a sneer, and directed his attention to Sakura. “If I tell you, you aren’t going to like it. Out of the 28 students who graduated, only ten will move on. The rest get sent back to the academy. In other words, this test is make-it-or-break-it; pass or fail.”

“That’s not fair! We worked hard to get here, what was all that even for then?!” Naruto’s shouting startled Y/N. They were so busy gawking at their sensei in disbelief, they had completely forgotten where they were. They had had strict teachers before, but this was insane.

Kakashi didn’t even seem fazed by the boy's anger, nor the growing unease of his new students. “That was just the first selection process to see who might become genin, in the end I get to decide who actually passes. Moving on, I expect you all at the training grounds at 5 AM, bring your ninja gear.”

The group took the lull in conversation to sink in the information they just received. If they didn't pass this next test, they would be sent right back to the academy. Given how authoritarian Kakashi-sensei was during their first meeting, Y/N had no doubt that if he felt like it, he would expel one of them for not meeting his standards. Looking at their classmates, they all seemed to be in deep thought, most likely coming to the same conclusion Y/N did. They managed to drag their eyes over to Kakashi, who, until now, was casually watching his students reel in horror. 

As if he had a sixth sense, his eyes darted to meet Y/N’s. His hardened, steel-gray eye locked onto theirs, turning lighter with mirth as he noticed the slight shake in their form. The sick bastard was enjoying this, torturing kids barely younger than himself. Then, like nothing even happened, he stood up and spun around. Turning his head to look over his shoulder, he called out one final warning before leaving, “You all can go now, but here’s a little tip, don’t eat breakfast tomorrow. You might end up puking it out.”