#and I didnt have the slightest idea that there had been a real danger

[marlynnofmany]

You know how in stories where the heroes save the world from some magical apocalypse, a lot of the time the general public has no idea? They just go about their lives afterward, not even realizing how close they came to disaster, much less that there's someone to thank for that?

Picture how those heroes feel.

That's how the programmers who stopped the Y2K bug most likely feel.

Thanks for saving us, folks. I just heard the song "Party Like It's 1999", and thought of you.

[maldito-arbol]

OKAY SO UHM. HEART YEAH?!? Yeah. Uhm. I didnt Know what to expect when i saw the ‚heart appears in this chapter‘ tw but. I will at least give them that it was not as bad a tw as normal with them.

And in Heart‘s defence they literally show up trying to make sure Anne‘s body doesnt start deteriorating and then while theyre there everyone starts yelling at them about how much they hate them and want them to leave immediately. Like all things considered they handled that Great with only the slightest bit of accidental violence

My notes started getting a bit sparce when they showed up because i just. If i didnt i would have put Everything in here. Its like. I dont even know where to start like What. The way they talk to Witney man…. And like. BRO WHEN WITNEY STOOD UP TO THEM SO REAL. that moment when u finally get the courage to stand up for urself because u wanna help out ur new bestie because shes missing her gf who almost died and just wants to hug her for a little bit. Don’t even get me STARTED on Marcy‘s argument about Witney being a different person now,,,,,,,,, the BELOVEDS. I love them. Time to be insane over Heartney forever and ever again now welp

Like I have said, having Heart show up was one of the parts I was MOST excited for.

NOBODY likes Heart. That’s the funny part. Besides Witney, everyone who interacts with them in this chapter harbors an intense amount of resentment for them, whether they’ve been harmed by Heart or had a loved one that was. And even Witney is starting to see them in a more negative light. Not one person was comfortable with them being able to just walk around. And can you blame them? The last time most of the Wartwoodians saw them, they were attacking Sasha and breaking the music box. This is all very dangerous territory, and they have no idea that Heart and Anne have been talking, or that Anne is giving them some trust. This is just another game, another trick.

Heart knows that’s how they feel. They’re used to everyone around them absolutely despising them. So they know now to handle this situation delicately. I also think it went great, even if there was some accidental violence. Harming Maddie was entirely an accident, and what’s extra interesting is that Maddie actually recognizes it as an accident while her friends are very quick to point fingers. Maddie is the least affected by Heart’s presence since she’s never had direct contact with them before now. So her bias about them is not nearly as awful, and it allows her to see when they didn’t mean to hurt her. We have to appreciate Maddie for keeping a cool head during this whole incident and largely being the one to suggest waking Heart back up. If not they might’ve been trapped in the purple void until Anne woke up. How horrible would that be?

Oh Heartney…. My beloved. There’s something that can be said about how Heart’s spoken to Witney like this for a thousand years and how jarring it is now that Witney just doesn’t take it anymore. I like how Heart is genuinely surprised when Witney says no to them. Imagine all the messed up things that Heart’s done that Witney’s just. Gone along with. Standing up for herself and deciding she can form her own opinions is huge for her character development. Witney deserves better and it’s about damn time he realized it himself. I particularly like this section:

“Forgive me for not trusting you at present,” Witney prefaces. “But I have someone to protect now. You understand, don’t you?” Even Marcy can tell this pains her to say. Every word is a struggle, every sound hurts more and more and it’s remarkable she can stand her ground in the face of their biggest threat at present, but it must be different now that she has Marcy. 

They let out a small chuckle. “Looks like I’m not the only one who’s attached. What happened to you, Wit?”

“Time,” she tells them. “And more kindness and care in one person than two centuries of twisted maniacs.”

They relax, finally, allow Marcy her clinging for now because Witney’s not going to let up either. 

“It’s a good thing,” they say. “What are we if not for our vessels? I was beginning to think you’d never care.”

The difference between Witney and Heart has always been their perceptions of their vessels. Witney spent so long being afraid of hers meanwhile Heart was extremely possessive and controlling of theirs. They believe now that Witney has changed for the better in terms of fiercely defending his vessel, but with it comes the territory of Witney gaining a lot more autonomy. Now she can make her own decisions, and that means Heart’s control over him has begun to slip. While this should be a good thing overall, it also means there will be arguments between the two of them, because now Heart can’t just get everything they want from Witney. They aren’t used to this. They will have to get used to it.

And I like how Marcy is so insistent that Witney’s a different person now. She out of the gems has changed the most drastically since a thousand years ago, but the other two don’t tend to recognize it. Heart in particular keeps trying to treat him the same way they did a thousand years ago, and it simply will not work anymore. She just isn’t who she was then. There will be a new dynamic between the three of them from now on.

Will join u for sure <3 I hyperfocus on each gem ship at different times but I come back to Heartney so often it’s ridiculous. I love these little funky dudes

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Benny Rodriguez

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- You and Benny met when you were younger. You’d lived in the neighborhood your entire life and with Benny and the boys being the only kids around your house; and the fact that you were a bit of a tomboy in general, they were who you made friends with.

- Like most young boys, they weren’t too keen on some little girl butting into their games, but you were persistent! It took you a couple weeks and a whole lot of effort but soon enough they let you stay and play without any complaints. After that, the rest was history.

- You’d sort of always just been one of the guys. The main reason you were allowed to stick around was because they nearly forgot you weren’t one. You played baseball, weren’t afraid to get dirty, and never acted all “prissy”; you were the only type of girl they’d ever be caught dead letting into their crew.

- And; without any opposition from you, that’s how things went on for a few years. It wasnt until you got a little older that you realized that being “one of the boys” maybe wasn’t the ...greatest thing in the world.

- You sort of always had a thing for Benny. It was easier to brush off and not realize when you were younger but as you got into your teenage years, it became more difficult to ignore.

- And thus, your dilemma finally became obvious. You’d spent so long being one of the guys that you were completely sure Benny only saw you as that; he sure acted like he did.

- So a million thoughts raced through your head. You wondered if you could change how he saw you, if you wanted to, how you’d do it, should you do it, when you’d do it, etc. Maybe you should try some makeup, change your clothes, your personality; should you stop hanging around him so much?

- You had no idea what to do ...so you tried a few things. You dressed a tad bit girlier; not enough to have the gang on you or ruin your ability to play, and wore your hair down, and ...nothing happened.

- All you got was a few comments from the guys asking “what’s up with the hair?”. Soon enough, you were grumpily pulling your hair up into a ponytail after getting not even the slightest reaction from Benny.

- After several attempts, you’re at a loss and somewhat frustrated. You debate just telling him but the day you decide to, you chicken out and stay home.

- Your mother tells Benny you aren’t feeling well when he asks if you can come out and play and you watch from behind the curtain guiltily as he leaves your front steps, casting one last look from behind his shoulder at your window.

- You don’t show up to the field for another day or two before deciding that you need to go back, missing your friends and fresh air. You figure you can play it cool like always, and you do, getting welcome back slaps on the back and shakes.

- You play for a few hours before the boys have to go home and you’re left on the field alone with Benny. You’re just about to walk out as well ...up until Benny calls after you. With a deep breath, you jog back over and stand in front of him.

“You feeling better?” he asks and you both nod, one after the other.

“That’s good. I missed you out here,” he says before seeming to realize what he said. He laughs slightly before following up with a “Yeah-Yeah sucks at playing your position.”.

- You both laugh before he asks “why don’t we play, just you and me. You throw and I’ll hit”. And you try to turn him down, telling him that you should be getting home, but then he gives you that smile of his and a “come on” and you just can’t refuse.

- So you get in position and the two of you play, swapping turns back and forth when you have to run and catch the ball.

- On one of your last few throws, he runs over to hand you the ball but doesn’t immediately let go. Instead, he leans in and presses a chaste kiss to your cheek before running back to his spot on the field, casting a look back at you and subsequently a smile as he does.

- The two of you kiss for real when you’re at the edge of the field, getting ready to walk home. He calls your name and you pause, standing still as he grips your shoulder and leans in, planting a peck on your lips.

“Why’d you do that?” you ask, though it’s obvious that you don’t mind.

He merely shrugs and grins at you. “I wanted to.”

- You can’t help but smile back, letting him wrap an arm around your shoulders and walk you off the field.

- There isn’t a ton of pda in your relationship but there’s a bunch of contact: high fives, his arm around your shoulders, his leg touching yours when you sit next to each other. He just doesn’t want the guys on your case for the rest of the week for a measly kiss in front of them. 

- Affectionate hair ruffling. 

- Hand holding, usually when the gang isn't around; unless it’s Smalls. 

- Forehead and cheek kisses.

- Soft kisses.

- He has your picture on his dresser and you cant help but smile every time you see it. 

- When it really comes down to it, he’s got a huge soft spot for you. He may treat you like one of the boys most of the time but there’s a twinkle in his eyes that tells you you’re definitely different from them to him. 

- Excited hugs, usually after he accomplishes something big or you get good news. 

- Sitting in between his legs, usually with his chest pressed against your back.

- He doesn’t mind cuddling, even if it’s sort of in front of the gang, mainly because his style of cuddling is his arm draped over your shoulder and you resting against his side.

- As though he’d allow you to not have a nickname! He doesn’t really use petnames except; maybe, when he’s using them as jokes or sarcastically, but you’ve probably had a nickname since you were little that he still uses.

- Although, he does say “that’s my girl” to himself or just outloud whenever he gets all proud of you; like when you score a homerun.

- The boys definitely tease him about you. Its the one thing they have on him.

- He lets you win when you guys race. You’re absolutely aware of it but you think it’s cute so you both jokingly pretend he didnt.

- He’s always there to help get you out of a pickle. If you have a problem it is both your problems the minute you tell him.

- He always brushes off your praise with a halfhearted and playful scoff but in actuality, he loves it whenever he gets a compliment from you.

- There’s definitely been moments where you’ve been in his room with him and asked about some sort of clothing item and he just casually asks if you want it. And ...You’re damn right you do.

- Randomly being carried away from things isn’t all too uncommon for you. He likes to pick you up, whether it’s just by your armpits or in a piggyback ride.

- Walking home from school together. 

- Spending your summers together. 

- Expect a lot of random visits and him calling you to come hang out. If he wants to see you, he’ll just come knocking on your door. 

- Smalls is sort of like your adoptive child, even though you're only like two years older than him. You’re just always looking out for the younger boy and making sure he feels welcome and all that. 

- Getting introduced to Beast and Mr. Mertle. 

- Knowing tons of baseball facts because of him.

- Playing catch in the lot. He goes easy on you but to be fair; he goes easy on most people.

- Looking after him and making sure he doesn’t over exert himself.

- I’m sorry but you’ll have to just accept that baseball is his priority a lot of the time. It’s his “life” and you’ll just have to accept that if you want to be with him. 

- He would genuinely ask you to marry him in complete awe if you were to ever get him baseball game tickets. 

- He makes a big deal over your birthday, well, him and the rest of the boys. They all cheer when you arrive at the field, giving all their “look who it is’s”and slapping you on the back.

- Going to the movies ...after they put up another screen.... He’ll usually grab your hand and keep glancing over at you whenever you go, he just thinks you’re really pretty.

- Hanging out in the treehouse together. 

- Going to the fair with him. 

- Pool dates.

-  A lot of your dates get invaded by the gang, especially if they involve pizza …or food of any kind really. 

- His mother probably insists on giving him some money every time she hears he’s going to hang out with you because she wants him to be a little gentleman and pay for your “date”.

- Even though you’ve always sort of been seen as just one of the guys, you’re serious bragging rights for Benny; both to the other boys and to Phillips. All it takes is one visit to the pool with them and suddenly they’re all a little envious of their leader.

- Though, to be honest, all the boys in the group have probably; at some point, had a crush on you or thought that you’d end up together because it just makes sense, you know? They weren’t in love but they had those little “why am is my heart racing” type of moments with you.

- Even though he brags about you, he’s still a jealous boy. He pretty much glares at any other guy; besides the guys in the gang, you’re with. Even if he’s doing something else, he finds it difficult to concentrate. The minute you arrive back at his side, he’ll ask why you’re hanging out with them, usually with a subtle; or not so subtle, insult directed towards them.

- Even though he knows you’re capable of holding your own, he’ll still always jump to stick up for you because it’s just a habit of his.

- He’s protective of everybody in his gang so that obviously includes you. He isn’t above fighting; or at least embarrassing, someone who’s giving you a hard time or literally carrying you to a safe distance when you’re near something he deems dangerous. Plus, he’s always the first one at your side no matter what’s going on.

- The two of you don’t fight a ton. You’ve been friends for a while so you sort of already know what rubs each other the wrong way and can avoid them because of that. If you are fighting, it’s probably about something stupid and you wind up just leaving; for one reason or another, as he calls after you.

- That being said, you usually just resolve things after a bit of arguing; without you having to walk off. As an apology, he’ll give you a sincere “hey, I’m sorry, alright?” before making some joke along the lines of asking if you want to hit him. You’ll hug and he’ll kiss your head and everything will be settled.

- You don’t tell each other that you love each other a whole lot; it sort of just isn’t Bennys thing, but you show each other you do with your actions.

- In the future, you’re there at every single one of his games, cheering him on.

- He probably asks you to marry him right after highschool. He just can’t wait to make you Mrs. Rodriguez.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

~

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease

[00gangfriend00]

I was tagged by @jade-marie and @bourbon-ontherocks to list my top 10 books  fics I read in 2020.

and lemme tell you..

i’ve been WAITIN’ for this one!!

This IS a bit tricky because I spent most of 2020 just lurking on AO3, no acccount, no commenting, no kudos. so there are just so so so many fics that I remember pieces of, and have little headcanons that LIVE with me but I have no idea who the author is or what the fic is called.  

so.. that being said, the top 10 is ever changing and could never be fully complete. I just love every author and every fic, you are all so wildly talented. 

❤  a song inside the halls of the dark - ms_scarlet  (@mego42 )

This fic has everything!! a sexy ex-lover rival gang leader, relaxed rio, angry rio, angsty kitchen sex rio. LOFT rio. AND it’s my favourite post-S2 reckoning of all time. There are moments in this fic that I just want to SPAM the gg writing room with. like scrap ur plans. DO. THIS.  Overall, this is such a creative and well-written series.  The characterization is superb, the smut has.... so many feelings, and the angst is AMAZING. There are a couple chapters (I wont give spoilers) that involves Beth in a hotel in Canada that I legit could not stop reading. it’s just all... so damn GOOD. favourite line: You thought I could be something, right? Well, this is that something. The bitch you trained bit back. 

❤  we’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks - BourbonOnTheRocks  (@bourbon-ontherocks)

Whew! this fic has EVERYTHING. safe house brio. KARMA. brio ignoring each other. snippy, cranky brio. baking shows. mick overhearing loud shower sex. zero communication. brio getting high and giggling! all the feelings. I looooove this fic. like I LOVE it.  it's so creative and it feels so real!! I can play it like a movie in my head. There is so much fun smutty build up, so much tension, anxiety and a very, very, good Thaw Of Feelings which is my fav. I will forever have a soft spot for safe house fics, but this one hilariously twists the trope by doubling down on their idiot stubbornness. genius. favourite line:  He's using her and she's using him. Maybe it's the only thing they're truly equal at.

❤  my girl - elizabethmarks (not on tumblr?)

This fic has everything!!!!!!! (but TW that everything is not for everyone, as the plot primarily revoles around a rape scene.) This fic sets up some of the most soft, emotional, protective brio moments. I also adore how this author handles the delicate subject matter. I work from time to time as a crisis advcate for women and ...... this fic is so accurate and well written. All the emotions beth feels, the way rio reacts to her. everything. I have read this SO many times. It also inludes a Mick POV that will TUG at your HEART.  favourite line: *When on route to Rio’s loft* Rio nods, with that gentle look he has. "Alright, mama. Let's get you home." There's a beat, they both catch it, but neither of them make the correction.

❤  working on things - odenkirk (not on tumblr?)

THIS fic, now this fic has everything!!!!!!!!! masturbation! sexting! weed-smokin horny rio! DEAN?!??! in a way that didnt repulse me???? SEX. kinda threesome??? a heck of a lot of things that I didnt think id be into but then read it and was like HUH, guess i AM. and last but not least, deliciously perfect characterization. This is a fic I ask you to take a risk on. It will pay off. Its fun and oooh soooooooo sexy. Yes, dean goes to pound town too, but I promise- odenkirk makes it WORK.  Blush meter: off the charts. I had to put my phone down and reckon with Jesus.  favourite line:   Rio: Don't get precious, sweetheart. It's you cuz it's you.  AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

❤ miles before you sleep - FakePlastikTrees (@nakedmonkey)

THIS AUTHOR has EVERYTHING! FakePlastikTrees is one of those authors where... I read one fic - then buckled my seatbelt and clicked on her account so I could systematically read through every. single. fic. They are often short scenes that feel so true. Her Rio characterization makes me green with (benevolent) envy. and her smut?? oof. top notch.  This fic in particular lives in my heart because it really truly feels like a missing GG scene between Beth and our favourite tattooed babysitter. The atmosphere is tangible and the author slows time down for these two, it stretches out like you are smokin in the suburbs with them. I love a MickFic and this one is top tier. 

favourite line: “Oh come on. He’s a little unhinged.” “Takes one to know one.” 

❤  people can be so cold - s_t_c_s (@sothischickshe)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh this fic has EVERYTHING. scrabble competitiveness! annie speaking truths! christmas beth! christmas rio?!?! delicious bickering! CABIN isolation!  gift giving perfection! I could go on and on and on.  This fic just pulls you straight in. stcs crafts the timeline so effortlessly, and weaves it with so many endearing and authentic feeling details (beth has her own ‘guys’ now, and we know this bc she gives them sweets and food. OF COURSE) The longing between her and rio is so RICH. if you want your heart to swell a million sizes - this is the fic for you.  favourite line:  They hadn’t – been intimate yet, back when she got him arrested, or the first few times he’d shoved a gun in her face. And the sexual part had been all done and dusted prior to their, god, kidnapping and shooting fiasco. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t present throughout – a hovering spectre, forming a treacherous spine through all their endeavours.

  ❤ listening through the air shaft - ms_scarlet (@mego42)

now this fic. actually for real, has everything. because its every POV you never knew you NEEDED.  and mego42 absolutely nails each and every one. especially Dean. Its a complicated look into his blubbering sexist mind, and misguided fixations that is really well-written. The way in which brio has their own arc throughout the chapters, but told through the eyes of those around them - is amazing. this fic just makes you love every character even MORE.  favourite line: well.. annie, mick and ruby have a group chat and thats all you need to know. anytime that comes up = favourite line.

❤ instigator - nomind (@inyoursheets)

be still my bisexual heart. this fic has everyONE! Yes, this fic dissolves into perfect threesome smut BUT before you get there, you get this awesome set up of a dangerous-feeling connection between Rhea and Beth. They are honest, open and fully acknowledging the fuckedupness of their desire. For how small a part Rhea has in the show - this author NAILS her voice, it’s uncanny. Both of them talking about rio? sign me up. Rio coming home to it? sign me UP.  favourite line: “Jesus,” she hears behind her. “What am I looking at right now?” Rhea smiles down on her, ignoring him, running her fingers through Beth’s hair.

** shout out to another be-still-my-bi-heart fic : @sothischickshe​’s “its a dirty, dirty, game”

❤ do not pass go - linzackles @mrslackles

this. fic. has. every. thing.  I am currently putting every single important thing in my life on hold to PLOUGH through this series. like full speed ahead. UGH. marcus!!! beth and rio at an event! a fancy one! big bad business dudes! betrayal! beth making bad choices! rio unable to fully communicate the weight of his desire for her! angst! just excellent, excellent, excellent plots. i like everything!!!!! favourite line: truly impossible. they are all art. but this one made me cackle.  Shrugging, she responds. In the bathroom, eating nuts.Annie’s reply comes through instantly. Rio’s???????

❤  meet me under the mistletoe - sdktrs12 (@sdktrs12)

this fic.... has.... everything. I want to include this not only because I loooOoOOOved it, but also because this author just has a talent for creating holiday themed brio fics that are not in the slightest cheesy, or forced. which is... hard! to! do! I read her halloween series while in quarantine, and it became apart of my little daily routine. each fic containing at least one moment that made me go AHHH these two!!!!!  so in short - thanks for infusing all my holidays with stellar brio. then christmas comes around and she nails it again! beth and rio begrudgingly working late?   YES. they migh each have a date but they dont DARE talk abut their jealously? YES. Bourbon as a third character? haha YES! Beth looking smokin hot? YES.  favourite line: “Is that your move? Meet me under the mistletoe?”  “Oh baby, you know my moves.”  

and PHEW. there ya go! 

Thank you amazing fanfic authors for making my year 10000000% better. 

I TAG @whiskeyjack @purplemagic @sdktrs12 @joeyjoeylee @ama-ssiempre @roxy206

[kanohivolitakk]

Have you done Krekka for the ask game? I know you're a huge Nidhiki fan, curious if you have any thoughts on his partner?

I haven't gotten Krekka yet actually. So far I only done Toa Ignika and Axonn for the Bionicle ask game (which Im still accepting). That being said great choice. Krekka isn't necessarily a big favorite of mine (partially because I'm not that fond of the "dumb brute" archetype barring a few exceptions), but I have to admit I do have a soft spot for the big guy. Krekka is a relatively simple character when it comes to characterization/backstory/role in the story (especially when compared to Nidhiki), but that doesn't mean I don't have any "deeper" thoughts regarding him or that there isnt stuff worth discussing.

Anyways some thoughts/headcanons/general musings:

This is a weird thing to start with but... Krekka is kinda adorable for me. I think its kinda this ...overgrown puppy (bulldog??) vibe due to his loyalty and dumbness. I admit BOADH is a big reason for me feeling this way since it gave him a few moments that made me go "AWWW he's so cute". Just..love his loyalty so much.

His undying loyalty makes him stand out for me across the other dark hunters. While many dark hunters we ha e are opportunistic and schemy, Krekka is just...very loyal. Maybe too much so. But I love that he is loyal. Feels refreshing tbh.

And now I cant help but feel that TSO is just "guys stupid but at least he wont double cross me and is easy to keep in check" when it comes to him.

Not to go woobifying villains but I genuinely dont think the guys that bad. Hes just really stupid, overly loyal and doing his job. Its kinda like w Lariska being a decent person despite being a knife happy murder girl although to a much lesser extent since guys a literalminded fool and also just smashy boy.

I do like his backstory of being a former guard who lost his job and started wreck havoc until one day a dark hunter found and hired him. It isnt anything too complex but it works well for his character and explains why he is so loyal to Dark Hunters. It also helps bringing a bit more light to his homeland and I love when we get more info of places through character backstories, makes the world feel more real that way.

Also can Gorast please stop hurting charaxters I like. This is the reason shes my least favorite character in the 2001-2008 storyline that isnt just a glorified extra or a plot device.

When it comes to Krekka, one scene I always think of when I think of him is in BOADH where he temporarily forgot to fly and Nidhiki was just "WAIT A MOMENT LARISKA TOLD ME YOU CAN FLY????" and Krekka just goes "whoops I forgot". That was adorable honestly. You dumb idiot, forgot you could fly.

Also, I know he's kinda "the idiot character", and while I am NOT saying he isn't, I do think its worth pointing out that he's basically literal minded. In BOADH (again) when Nidhiki tried to do that training scenario Krekka basically was like "wait I’m here, there’s nothing there why should I move there". This is

Another thing I really like about Krekka is that how, despite being an absolute idiot and tool, he still is willing to sometimes not take Nidhikis bullshit, see preventing him from getting the Zamor launchers (geez BOADH did a lot for this guys characterization lmao)

I sometimes call him truck boy because his name is one letter off my languages word for truck.

Also unless canon/word of Greg says otherwise I don't think every member of his species is as stupid as him. Like possibly on similar level but still.

It is made pretty clear that Nidhiki couldn't stand Krekka at all, but I do genuinely wonder how Krekka feels about Nidhiki. Based on the little we have I'd say he liked him to some extent or at the very least, didn't hate him to the same degree. I also have to wonder how aware he was about Nidhikis haterd towards him.

I also love the idea that when Nidhiki was mutated, Krekka just...wasnt afraid of him at slightest, no fear in this dumb boy. (I also like the idea he didnt recognize him at first and Nidhiki just, had to explain to his thick skull who he was. It took a while but eventually he got it.)

On a related note, I find it interesting how the LOMN website describes him working with Nidhiki because guy knows where to get the good jobs or something rather than being his goverment (read TSO) assigned partner The way the twos relationship were described makes it feel that by this point the staff hadnt figured out what they wanted to do with Dark Hunters , or if it even was an organization or just these two tools.

Its really interesting for me how Krekkas characterization not only varies between the books/comics (where hes more intimidating and him being a simpleton isnt as pronounced) and the movie (where hes more of a dumbass) but also how his characterization evolved. Like, his loyalty wasn't that pronounced trait but now I feel its just as important part of him as him being a dumbass (which is to say, very interesting)

I remember how the aftoermentoined Metru Nui movie website described that Krekka hated toa to the point wouldve hunted them for free if Nidhiki didnt make sure the two would get paid. I feel this is somewhat early installment weirdness as it isnt mentioned anywhere else but at the same time Krekka being willing to fight without payment sounds 1000% in character if you ask me

Something I have been confused over: when exactly was Krekka recruited to the dark hunters??? The timeline is very vague about this and I wish we knew.

It's been AGES since I watched my home countrys dub of LOMN but what I recall I really liked Krekka's voice in that dub. He sounded more badass and I loved it, the VA had a pretty unique sound. Sadly dont think there is any clips of the LOMN dub, which is a shame. UPDATE: I rewatched the dub and I love the voice itself but felt the voice direction made him sound kinda inconsistent

This is more a "Nidhiki and Krekka related thought" rather than just Krekka related but one thing I really like about Krekka and Nidhiki is that how they are like a more serious and competent take of "those two evil henchmen with contrasting personalities" trope. Often these types of villains are rather goofy, but these two could be rather dangerous as well and I really like that. I also like their dynamic of just doing Nidhiki being done with Krekkas bullshit. One of the main reasons I wish LOMN was a miniseries rather than a movie is because I really wanted more screentime with the two.

On a related note can I JUST SAY I LOVE the way the two compliment/pararell each other. From design (Krekka being bulky mostly blue colored, Nidhiki being slender and monstrous, mostly green colored) to personality (Krekka being foolish and simpleminded but loyal Nidhiki being cunning and ambitious but treacherous) to powersets (Krekka being strong physical attacker, Nidhiki being weaker(??) but faster and more special attacker).Heck, even their backstories have similarities as they both lost their orginal purpose in one way or another and didnt have anywhere to go but Dark Hunters (the main difference being that Nidhiki inflicted his fate upon himself by betraying the toa while Krekka didnt really do anything iirc)

Now for something crossovery, Krekkas and Nidhikis dynamic reminds me a lot of Kronk and Yzma from Emperors New Groove. Yes I have drawn a parody of the "pull the lever kronk" meme, yes I intend to make more screencap redraws. They also remind me a lot of Mummymon and Archenemon from Digimon 02, partially due to the dynamic (smug spider that tries to be cunning and intimidating but gets outclassed by most other villains in that + loyal blue dumb boy) partially due to their ultimate fate being rather similar.

I don't know how familiar you are with the franchise, but Krekka reminds me a fair bit of Gamel, one of the four villain generals in Kamen Rider OOOs, mainly because "the dumb brute major villain that's kinda cuteish and loyal a f while everyone else is an asshole".

I remember reading a p good oneshot fic that was just him accidentally killing a civilian when all he wanted was a hug and...honestly that is p much what I imagine him being like. Guy may be strong, reckless and a fool but like I said I dont think hes all that bad and just a puppy. An overgrown, moronic puppy but a puppy nontheless

For AUs, I remember I have thought once of "What if Krekka survived but Nidhiki died" and just ...guy wouldve been very lost and confused and unsure what to do tbh. He would most likely returned to Dark Hunters but Mata Nui knows how say TSO wouldve felt about that. Its not too complex au yet but I am thinking of developing it further one day.

Thank you for asking.

Sorry this took longer than expected. I had too many thoughts and half of them were deleted so. I hope its worth the wait tho. I do have a lot of Krekka thoughts and tbh wasnt sure if I was even able to get them all here.

(I am still doing the ask game so if anyone wants to send me a bonkle I will try to give thoughts, meta and headcanons on them)

[wearethewinx]

fate episode 6 spoilers below

admittedly that opening shot slaps. like that immediately makes me curious

bloom why are you looking. everywhere but at the glowing pillar in front of you

LOL WHOOPS

AISHA ARE U FOR FUCKING REAL. WRITERS ARE U FOR FUCKING REAL. THIS IS NOT MY GIRL

lol dowling thats what happens when u liiieeeeee

jfdlsfjlds terras dad being so stumped by her completely correct rebuttal that he just says 'you need to cool down'

'sorry you have to be visible to have a point of view' that line really made it into the script huh

theyre REALLY gonna make aishas first and only autonomous act in this entire show be to snitch on her friends

oh so there are witches huh. is that how were doing this huh. oh my god this is so unnecessarily complicated and confusing? this is. ridiculous? why wouldnt anyone else know about the witches? how does them being witches give rosalind the right to murder them all? HOW IS BLOOM OK WITH THIS LADY JUST SAYING 'yeah i lied and killed them all because only fairies are allowed to do magic' HWAT THE FUCK

*sky voice* i am literally so fucking stupid and boring its unreal

lol even sam is like 'terra shut up'

see i dont wanna be so mean to terra but shes explicitly written to be as annoying as humanly possible? people keep telling her theyre not interested and she just mows right over them completely not caring EVERY time

oh bloom is growing a braincell now huh

'only vanessa and michael could give you love' YOU CALL THAT LOVE? YOU CALL THAT SHIT LOVE? WHERE ARE THE WRITERS ILL FUCKING KILL THEM

me, every time: weve gotta be getting close to the end now right weve been here at least forty minutes

the timestamp, every time: 21:30

HOW is it possible for a show to drag this much? six hours feels like 18

nobody told the caption writer that rivens name is riven not 'riv'

stella being like 'WE shouldve never gotten back together WE are codependent and toxic' gurl,,,,,,,, You

rly have to stress that bloom listened to rosalind talk and was like 'oh genocide? well thats totally understandable, i trust you implicitly. here i was thinking you were just a regular mass murderer!'

WHY ARE THERE NO MAGIC PAINKILLERS. WHY IS THE ONLY WAY TO EASE SOMEONES PAIN FOR MUSA SPECIFICALLY TO TAKE IT ON

ALSO TERRA FUCK. YOU. FOR EVEN THINKING THAT, MUCH LESS SAYING IT OUT LOUD

how does the solarian royal family have a magic teleportation ring but they cant move troops across their country in less than 2 days

*bloom voice* come on sluts im gonna put you all in danger

PLEASE let sky miserably wail 'YOU KILLED MY FATHER' please god let it happen PLEASE

damn ok i actually REALLY like skys reaction here. unironically well written, very believable. even a stopped brain has good ideas twice an episode i suppose

love that musa only gets dignified with the slightest sliver of backstory in this, the final episode

STILL only HALFWAY THROUGH THE EPISODE. THIS IS SICK TIME DILATION FUCKERY

flora isnt supposed to be the loose canon of the winx for fucks sake

ok but WHAT ARE THE BURNED ONES. WHERE ARE THEY FROM. WHY DO THEY CARE ABOUT BLOOM. EVEN SHE HASNT ASKED YET! ARENT YOU CURIOUS ISNT ANYBODY CURIOUS

bloom: yeah rosalind unleashed the burned ones to attack us all but i totally trust that she told me the truth about how to stop them

blooms wings look FUCKING STUPID those arent even wings theyre just random red blobs with a mesh pattern

i guess im glad we actually GOT wings but my god is this a disappointment as wings go

also @ everyone in the tag calling this a 'transformation': are we watching the same fucking show lol. having fire swirl around you isnt a transformation. TRANSFORMING. is what makes it a transformation. absolutely nothing changes about her except having a couple blowtorches on her back

CANT STRESS ENOUGH THAT BLOOM KEEPS HEARING PEOPLE ADMIT TO MURDER AND RESPONDING WITH 'OH it was just MURDER lol thank god'

'bloom transformed' nO SHE DIDNT THAT WASNT A TRANSFORMATION OH MY GOD

ok but why WOULDNT rosalind reveal exculpatory information when it benefited her lol. why are you idiots believing her. why are you accepting that as a justification

'ive been a brat' OH SO YOU ADMIT IT

'can we hug' very normal request bloom especially considering the circumstances /s

my mom would flip her lid if i invited four friends over w/o asking in advance and then put her on the spot abt whether they can stay the night, and thats WITHOUT the added context that BLOOMS MOM THINKS THESE ARE HER SCHOOL FRIENDS FROM S W I T Z E R L A N D AND THAT THEY WOULDVE HAD TO FLY ACROSS THE OCEAN TO GET THERE

this bloom family montage is 1: unearned (i remember the door, assholes) and 2: TOO long and cheesy

i love that stellas mom still hasnt admitted shes missing or come looking for her lol. the HEIR to the THRONE has been MISSING for WEEKS and thats just Okay

lmao what the fuck. how is andreas wearing the same clothes as 16 years ago. anybody care to explain what the goddamn hell is going on here

dragonflame namedrop huh? interesting

LOL EVERYONES JUST ACCEPTING ROSALIND BACK WITHOUT QUESTION? SHE DISAPPEARED AND WAS PRESUMED DEAD FOR 16 YEARS

HOW STUPID ARE THE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD

THE KING OF ERAKLYON. ABANDONED HIS SON. TO RAISE BEATRIX

WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HELL

omg she just fucking killed her

absolutely metal

ah HERE are the hideous outfits from the promo image. hate

final thoughts: this show is dumb

[thechangeling]

Your heartbeat is disguised as mine.

This is a platonic oneshot between my OC Janessa Williams and Kit Herondale. Full disclosure, I am a nonbinary person writing about a binary Trans woman. I pulled all of the information for constructing Nessie's background and character profile from other peoples stories both fictional and real. If I have spread misinformation of any kind or written anything that members of the community find offensive, please let me know! I will fix it immediately. Also I'm a useless Demisexual so sometimes I blur the lines between romantic and platonic too much, but hopefully this reads as platonic. Enjoy!

Janessa Williams was in trouble.

It wasn't like this was an uncommon occurrence. Nessie had spent the majority of her life weaving in and out of dangerous situations, but in her defense it usually wasn't her fault.

Kids picking on her when she was younger because she was wearing "girls clothes." Angry people yelling obscenities at her while she was walking home and men threatening to beat her up in the middle of crowded places when she was still transitioning and looked more "obvious" according to some people. Whatever the fuck that meant. And Nessie knew it probably would have been even worse if she hadn't been white.

She relished in the fact that now she was a vampire she was essentially invincible. Like many other people, becoming a downworlder was a source of safety. Which is why it was so painful to hear shadowhunters talk about how "tragic" the creation of vampires and werewolves was.

There were girls whispering behind her back in high school. Just trying to go to the bathroom without there being some sort of public debate amongst her teachers and principal was also a factor.

Jenessa was certainly no stranger to conflict or adversity. But this? This was something else entirely.

Before she had died. Nessie had actually made a decent connection with other members of her community. Even making casual acquaintances was comforting. The queer community overall could be a bit of a shit show at times. With exclusionists, TERFs and biphobes rampaging about. But getting the chance to talk to other trans people was incredible. Especially Bi trans people like herself. But despite that she still felt as though something was missing.

Janessa still felt distant and isolated despite the fact that she now had everything she wanted. It was like a dark black cloud had plagued her for all of her teenage years. Depression. It wasn't just due to being in the closet or not being able to be her true self. It was just there. Corrupting her brain and dragging her down into despair.

It was that same despair that had lead to her death. And when she was reborn as a member of the undead, at first she hadn't exactly been grateful. But in time she had found her footing. Music, therapy, a new community of downworlders who were diverse, powerful and brilliant. She moved from LA to basically all over with her band. All of these things helped Janessa re shape herself and her new life into something better. Something stronger.

But yet she still felt a little isolated at times. A little incomplete. Like she was waiting for something.

Fuck that sounded so pathetic. But it was true. Or at least it was true until a wayward mess of a shadowhunter had wandered into the bar Nessie and her band played regular gigs at, looking for information on a particular downworlder.

Janessa was not pleased. She knew she needed to get this asshole far away from her and her people.

Kit certainly had other ideas. It would not be the last time they disagreed on something.

But she had noticed something that day. Something in his eyes. That same lost look of despair she recognized in herself. This of course hadn't stopped her from calling him an angelic, inbred, self righteous asshole and he had thrown his head back and laughed.

Despite Nessie's better judgement, she had decided to trust him that day. He had complemented her t shirt which said "In my defense, I was provoked" and her leather jacket which had the trans symbol on the back with the Bisexual flag as the background.

So she had helped Kit with his mission that day, which turned out to be pretty harmless, which then led to hanging out at the park after dark and eating fast food on the balcony of Ciernworth. He asked her questions about her life and her unlife. He asked the questions that she usually got about hormones and discovering her gender identity, and less common questions about becoming a vampire. She in turn asked him questions about his past and his coming out. Her fate was sealed that day. Janessa just didnt want to admit it.

And now, several weeks later that shadowhunter she had chosen to trust was currently sobbing into her arms.

"Kit it's gonna be ok alright? Just take some deep breaths" Janessa cooed. She was running one of her hands through his blond curls, and another along his back attempting to soothe him.

Kit gasped for air against his sobs as he pressed his forehead closer to her neck. "I mean-. Nessie I just-" he gasped, unable to properly get the words out.

Janessa shook her head. "Shhh no it's ok" she reassured him. "Take your time."

It broke her heart to see Kit like this but all she could do was focus on helping him. Not once did it occur to Nessie that she currently had a live human being pressed up against her, viens full of rushing blood.

She rubbed his shoulders. Kit sighed and began to speak in a more calm tone. "It's just that when I gave Magnus the necklace to give to- you know to him, it brought all of those old feelings rushing back you know?"

Janessa sighed. Him was Tiberius Blackthorn. The boy that Kit was hopelessly in love with. The boy that had broken his heart.

Janessa was most certainly not a fan. Anyone who made her friend cry was instantly on her shit list. Nessie was more then a little protective of Kit but she couldn't help it. He was always getting himself into trouble. Like the other day, dealing with the Devon Vampire Clan which Nessie was kind of a part of now that she was living in Devon temporarily. Kit was picking her up from a meeting so they could get Midnight snacks and play video games at her place.

The Devon Clan was really not happy to see a Shadowhunter. They antagonized her over trusting one of the nephilum. They called her a traitor to her own people. Janessa personally thought they were being a little overly dramatic. It led to a fight that most definitely put the accords in jeopardy.

Janessa also discovered that day that she and Kit fought beautifully together. Almost like Parabatai.

Whoah. Where the fuck did that come from.

Janessa heard a light snore from below her. Kit had fallen asleep in her lap. She snorted fondly. The emotional labour of crying must have tired him out. She didn't really blame him for that. As Nessie stared down at him, this shadowhunter who had become so significant to her, she wondered if this was going to end badly for her.

She could hear the words of hundreds of downworlders echoing in her head, including her own. Shadowhunters can't be trusted. Shadowhunters are selfish. Shadowhunters hate downworlders. They don't believe we're worthy of life so why should we be nice to them? Fuck them all.

And all of that was what she firmly believed.

Kit snored again.

Well for the most part.

It wasn't like she was in love with him. That much she knew. The thought of kissing Kit or dating him or anything like that made her quesy. But the idea of holding him while he cried, or laughing at his jokes, or even staying here watching his chest rise and fall and relishing in the fact that yes, he is alive, that sounded perfect.

Janessa scooped her arms under Kit's body and pulled him up off of the floor. "Come on Kit-Kat" she muttered. "Let's get you to bed."

Kit moaned in protest but didn't try to fight her as she pulled him over to her bed. Nessie could only hope that Kit had told his parents where he would be. Kit smiled sleepily at her and opened his eyes.

"You're my best friend you know?" He murmered.

Janessa swallowed down a sob. "Really?" She asked, trying to keep her voice steady. "I've never had a best friend before."

Kit closed his eyes. He was probably nodding off again. "Me neither" he whispered. He probably didnt want to count Ty considering all of the romantic angst.

And in that moment Janessa made a choice. She made the decision to lay down next to him and relax. She made the decision to forgive him for things that were out of his control.

She leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his temple. "You're my best friend too ok?" She said softly.

And when she saw the slightest of smiles appear on his face, Janessa made another decision as well.

She let herself love him.

Your heartbeat is disguised as mine.

My lullaby.

The song I used for this fic is Always be together by Little Mix.

[carylspookie]

This was not wrote by me but I had to share it 💔

Credits to addieanatomy on instagram.

its so difficult for me to understand those who never feel the slightest bit of sympathy for norma and those who blame norma for being a bad mother, for nurturing her child into a serial killer. since the beginning on the series, norma had been a whole person. she has a backstory filled with emotional abuse and neglect at the hands of her awful parents. and emotional and sexual assault at the hands of her brother. and then she gets married to an abusive husband with a son born of incest because of her brother raping her. and another son who blacks out and becomes violent to the point of murder. norman blacked out and murdered her abusive husband/his father and had no idea. and he continues to kill several ppl that come into his life. but that’s just a whole other discussion for a later date. it makes my blood boil when i see ppl want to hate norma and blame her for all norman does. they want to. hate norma for what norman is. in some ways. yes. i can see why we all should give her some blame. because of numerous events in her life, norma’s incredibly broken which doesnt make motherhood too promising for her. i mean. i would argue that the worst thing norma has done has been having a lack of understanding the causes and effects of her actions. and just having a lack of insight in general.

norma feels that nothing outside of her and her care is safe for her and her beloved child. but eventually, she starts to see norman as a threat, to herself and himself. okay and quite honestly. im surprised norma didn’t end up being the damn serial killer given her fucking upbringing and the experiences she faced… anyway. alright norma definitely allowed for levels of intimacy between her and norman that are pretty uncomfortable. and some ppl would say shes reluctant to admit that there is something wrong with her beautiful child. but in my opinion. i believe she was always fully aware of normans troubles and knew that theres was smth wrong with him. but like i said before. she didnt see safety in anything outside herself. bc shes so fucking stubborn! but she truly believed that she was the answer to normans problem and she thought she could help him and protect him. i think it is very harsh for ppl to classify norma and anything she does as a mother as being neglectful. or abusive.,..,. she certainly comes close but. she doesnt cross the line into that territory. and yes. she did tell norman things he shouldnt have to know as her son. like. the situation with her brother. but. if u think about normas role as a mother overall. within the context of her own life experiences. she tries really fucking. hard. to be a the perfect and ideal mother. and i believe her efforts should be applauded considering she had no good mother or father to have as an example for her parenting. this woman did whatever she could to protect her son. and when she realized that she couldnt give him the help he needed,... she sought out help. she went to pineview. she begged dr edwards or whatever to help her son. she did her best to get her son the aid he needed in order to not be a threat to himself, norma and everyone else.

i would find it absolutely ridiculous if u didnt feel an iota a sympathy for norma in that moment in 401. she even explained herself in that moment with dr edwards. she realized that she couldnt control what she thought she could. and that she was afraid of going to the doctors bc she thought they could take him away from her. and i believe that she didnt want him taken away bc he was the last bit of love she had left in her life. she had no one. she loved norman so passionately bc they were all each other ever had. its just. in that fucking moment with dr edwards. norma was showing so much of herself. so much honesty. which is smth she tends not to do. and she was revealing in that moment that literally. like all parents. she didnt really know… exactly what she was doing. she was just hoping that what she thought was best,.,. was good. and she had a moment of great fear that what she was doing was hurting her child. and she wanted to do smth else to change and make it better for both of them. all norma has ever had is good intentions. love makes u do crazy things. and she did crazy things out of the sometimes dangerous love she had for her child. but she cant take full blame for what norman is and became. being the parent of a psychopath is not gonna be fucking easy and a literal cake walk with a manual on how to succeed. all norma fucking wanted was a normal life for her and her son. and normal life that she never got to have throughout her childhood. and teenage years. and into her married life with both of her husbands.

she could never catch a fucking break. and she never did. she never. fucking. did. shitty childhood, 2 shitty marriages, a kid who resulted from being raped by her brother, a kid that was more than just mentally unstable. and her own mental wellbeing never treated was just. the fucking cherry on top. and even after she dies she didn’t even get peace until after norman died, considering he was lugging her dead body around. when ppl talk about norma, her mental health is not often in the conversation. but quite honestly. norma's entire mental state had to have been absolutely exhausting for her. she needed serious help. and she needed it well before norman even came into the her life. i think the only time she realized that… this isnt how normal people live. is when she was with alex... alex gave her a real glimpse into a type of normalcy she had never experienced. honestly. i would like to believe she eventually would have gone into therapy had she survived. and even if norman had stayed at the live-in hospital and didnt try to kill her, she and alex were not going to magically start living a beautiful, good life. she was going to need some serious therapy herself. and i just know she wouldnt bring herself to do that all by herself. i think if anyone could help her decide to help herself... that person would without and doubt be alex. norma truly was beaten down by life at every corner. anyone in her shoes with that kind of history and mental wellbeing would be in an unbelievable amount of pain on the inside. when thinking about how this all plays into her relationship with norman... i just think she loved norman to the best of her ability. but it was from a perspective warped by extreme mental illness, fatigue and injury of her own. to add to this exhausting amount of mental turmoil, came her exhausting love for norman. god i love this woman so much. she is everything to me.

This hit me so damn hard. People ask why I love this show so much and the reason is above. Vera Farmiga portrays Norma so brilliantly and I couldn't think of anyone else who could do it better.

Romanticizing the relationship she and Norman had is unhealthy yes, but she loved her son so much she would do anything to keep him safe. Norma Bates is a fucking warrior- fictional character or not.

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 6

Last Time on Grand Theft Auto:

Tsubasa recovers from the world’s gayest coma as Hibiki trains her mind while putting aside such silly concepts as “the love of my life” and “literally being with my girlfriend.” After cooling Miku’s paranoia with her brand new washboard abs, Genjuro prepares the team for a pizza run across the city to deliver a dangerously hot pizza pie named Durandal. Chaos emerges as the delivery is intercepted by a rival pizza gang, lead by the nefarious Gremlin known as Yukine Chris. But, before the pizza could be claimed, dedicated pizza deliverywoman Hibiki not only steals it back, but eats it, harnessing the power of the pizza and unleashing cheesy pasta based chaos around the location.

Ryoko is so into it that she taps into her superpowers and protects Hibiki after she passes out. The delivery is considered a failure, and no tip is given.

And so, the journey continues...

Meanwhile, in this weird, tricked out mansion...

Chris meditates on some water metaphors of her own.

“that pacman colored freak took only touching it to activate a cheap ass french sword that gave her weird demon powers and its taken me YEARS to use this dumb stripper outfit and the funny cane that goes with it, what the FUCK man, what even is my life”

“maybe... maybe honeybaked hams ARE that powerful...”

“NO! turkey is the superior meat! it’s healthier, lower in fat, and way more tasty! fuck you! i’ll get my goddamned revenge!”

Chris begins musing about Fine’s motivations to capture Hibiki; during these, we’re treated to some brief image flashbacks of Chris’s life.

Suddenly, those jokes about food are a lot less funny.

It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together as to why this young woman is helping a strange nudist dominatrix spread alien terror across the city of mumblednoises, Japan. She doesn’t really have many an option on the table. It’s either help the weird kinkster with her plans, or die.

Despite everything, she has a high opinion of Fine, for the same reasons someone might have a high opinion of a television show if it were the only show they were ever exposed to. She is deeply afraid of being alone again, because she has lived through such misery that the very thought of existing out in the cold again terrifies the shit out of her.

The Sun rises casually amidst Chris’s thoughts.

“ah shit. it just hit me. i literally have spent the entire night standing here instead of actually going the fuck to sleep. goddamnit.”

On such a devious metaphorical twist, Fine stands behind her as the Sun rises.

“yeah, jokes on you. i couldnt sleep for shit either. turns out, all nude, no blankets? in japan? real bad idea.”

“thats why i decided to GO GOTH, babey! whattaya think? do i give those witchy vibes, huh? real ‘black magic woman’ santana hours? feeling cute, gonna head out with the girls and summon satan in the woods kinda aesthetic looking shit? come on, be real with me. does this not look baller?”

“you look like morticia decided to go to the grocery store to buy some wonder bread, but other than that, its a step up from your usual pussy out attitude, so sure”

“you know i decided to get some brain cells on loan from Brain Cells R Us, and ive been thinking this solomon cane stuff is solomon lame. i dont need this dumb oversized harry potter cosplay prop to get shit done. also, murder is... sorta bad? im still trying to get the brain cell stuff down.”

“i can punch just as good as goody two shoes if not better.”

“lol go do it then champ, im gonna go cut down a forest of trees now”

And so, they both just kinda... stand there.

“QUACK, NEXT SCENE, QUACK”

Meanwhile, Tsubasa is rapidly trying to rehabilitate herself from her wounds like walking like a madman, her IV drip presumably filled with Taco Bell brand Doritos Locos Tacos super spicy nacho cheese. Taco Bell: Live Mas.

“im gonna clear every fucking taco bell in your goddamned memory, kanade”

“think outside the bun! wait, what? that was a taco bell slogan? ah fuck it, im dead. what nerd’s gonna try and correct me?”

“i would, kanade. i am that nerd.”

Tsubasa is hell bent to try and understand Kanade’s simple philosophy of helping others selflessly. Unfortunately, when Kanade died, she took all the brain cells between them in the process, so coming to this epiphany is a work in progress.

“listen its a fucking miracle you are 1. alive and 2. able to have your blood run on the garbage melted plastic taco bell tries to dupe people into believing is cheese so why dont you just lie down and think of better franchises to eat from”

“no! you dont understand! taco bell is a franchise of the PEOPLE! their meals are cheap and filling and- and the chicken quesadillas are of good quality for their price! i promised kanade- my vow to the death. taco bell... ergh... now and forever... i-”

“wait. my gay senses are tingling.”

It’s Hibiki, probably running track with Miku.

“oh yeah... her... i should probably apologize to her. about trying to kill her. and then letting her almost be kidnapped. and just giving her a general hard time about something that wasn’t explained to her in the slightest for months. she’s a good bean.”

Tsubasa proceeds to never canonically apologize to Hibiki throughout the entirety of all 4 seasons of Symphogear.

Look at em run. See, it’s a metaphor, because they haven’t communicated yet and they’re running from their problems! But they’re running towards Tsubasa, who is part of the representative problem these two share! Clearly literary genius.

It’s like someone went halfway into writing an NTR plotline and went “maybe this isn’t a good idea to market our songs on.”

Hibiki is still thinking about her Hellshake Yano moment with Durandal. Mainly how she nearly killed someone with it. Hibiki is very starkly in the “killing is bad, and wrong” camp of morality, a trait currently unique to her that she’ll wind up teaching literally everyone else she meets one way or another.

Some could argue the L stands for Lydian, and they’re wrong. It stands for Lesbian.

“that was one hell of a run, hibiki! im pooped! why dont we go to the locker room and call it a day, have a nice shower and just get some dinn-”

“this is the last straw.

i clean your plates. i cook your food. we eat, shit, shower, and sleep in the same FUCKING area, and this is how you repay me? huh? you think being your wife is easy shit, hibiki? half the damn time you’re running off like clark kent having food poisoning and the other half ive gotta babysit you, the emotional equivalent of a preteen clown, to make sure your life doesn’t self destruct harder than Atlantis sinking into the ocean. im done! i am DONE. im reopening my tinder, im slamming my ass BACK into okcupid, and im gonna date some CUTE ACADEMY GIRLS that treat me BETTER than this ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL OF HEART AND IM NOT CRYING I SWEAR ITS JUST THE SWEAT IN MY EYES AND HIBIKI HOW COULD YOU-”

“oh yeah, sure! hey, lemme just do a few more laps, ive just been feeling judgmental about myself and my figure, you know? gotta push myself further...”

“o-oh yeah, sure. no worries, ill wait for you. love you too, hibiki...”

The girls bathe together, as good friends typically do.

“hey you ever notice the showers here have like, weird psuedo-luxurious minipools to bathe in? like, how rich is this school?”

“whoever made this place is either rich or a pervert. or both, probably!”

Miku remarks that Hibiki has changed since she’s entered Lydian, in a manner most unheterosexual.

“oh FUCK you really DO have washboard abs now! ohhh my god.”

“damn, those abs were heavenly. let’s get pancakes later.”

I won’t screenshot it but something to note is that they actually wear each other’s corresponding underwear colors (or even, if you want to examine more closely, each other’s underwear). Here’s an equivalent scene to give you the mental image.

This is the face of someone who knows what they want and already have it. Such is the power of Kohinata Miku.

Meanwhile, Genjuro comes back from the funeral of the guy the Americans filled violently and with impunity.

“yo that all black look looks baller. i should borrow that look... id look pretty gothy in it.”

“ryoko i sympathize with your sharp, fashionista eye but this was for a funeral, i was paying my respects to the dead. thats the usual dress code.”

“didnt know they updated that. i remember back in my day, we just went in white garments and chanted in latin!”

“shit was fire. literally. lots of funeral pyres.”

“lmao ryoko buddy your larping sessions arent actual history”

“hey dont shit on larping around me. i used to be a professional larper while i was majoring in acting. helped really sell my career when i had to pretend to slay the Dark Lord Jyarloen atop the mountain of skulls in Hargobor after my family was killed by the Dark Army. asshole.”

“haha yeah, larping, thats cool yeah, i do that

i...

i larp.”

“oh yeah? you wanna join my larping session sometime then? we’re gonna do an ancient babylon plot thats inspired by some anime, itll be fun”

“.....................................im super into realism.”

“i know im dressed for a funeral but id like to not part ways with my dignity yet. besides, we’ve got serious shit to talk about. basically, we’re on the verge of getting shitcanned.”

As it turns out, the death of this politician removed the last obstacle of opposition to maintain the 2nd Division, as the average criticism against the 2nd Division is “why are we funding this mystery division when we don’t know what they do”. Of course, the sensible idea for an organization that defeats the Noise is to declassify it, given people of different jobs and positions have physically seen the Symphogear in action, but you know. “Oh no, the other governments will come after us” stick gets shaken.

“im in a union. i know my rights. you’re not taking my acting job here away from me.”

“im not going back to be a preschool teacher. its been ten year. the bites on my ankles still havent healed...”

“yeah man, shit sucks ass. i cant fund my adoption habits if im fired.”

Look at these cinematic parallels. Symphogear truly is a franchise made by someone living in 3030.

“worst part is the new minister is super into america. he’s a... westaboo.”

“a westaboo?”

“westaboo?”

“did he just unironically say westaboo”

“he said westaboo. oh my god. this is the hell timeline.”

“i mean people kept calling me that for worshipping all these fighting flicks so i guess it fit? i dont see the problem here”

Meanwhile, in Lydian Academy...

“so it hit me, right? we’re ALL girls. and we ALL sing. now, humor me a moment. what if... what if we’ve all been recruited to potentially be superheroes... through our singing? like, there’s no coincidence that all this shit happens around us, right? and a famous singer LIVES here? i saw the black cars outside! weird shit is happening here- im not even gonna eat the all you can eat bar anymore!”

“kathy there is literally no such thing as superheroes who sing. this place is more likely to be a organ harvesting op than whatever madness you’re saying”

“what? you need me, a singing superhero, to go stop a problem happening underneath the school, a location meant to recruit young women into potentially becoming fellow crime fighting singers?”

“yeah im too busy poppin’ caps in asses so go kick ass in my place”

“sure!”

“.....................................who ya talkin to, hibiki?”

“the boss! gotta go do a thing again...”

“hibiki, i dont like the fact that capitalism is tearing us apart.”

“you’ve gotta join me in the revolution, hibiki. you. me. luxury automated gay space communism. aint it the dream? share my vision, hibiki. its glorious.”

“n... no...? no gay space communism today? well, what about tomorrow? or the next day? or... maybe the next day? baby steps, you say? but, direction action, hibiki! we’ve gotta strike now!”

“it’s okay hibiki. when i take over the world and destroy all first world government leaders, and unite the globe in my encompassing reign and love... ill make sure to spare you, and be my bride to be.”

“thanks miku. im just not ready yet for the globe to burn in an unending ball of fire as the continents fuse into a new utopia composed of our combined wills. also, ive really gotta go, its genuinely an emergency.”

“for the cause!”

“yes hibiki... for the cause...”

Admittedly, you can see the stages of grief Miku goes through when she sees Hibiki say she can’t join her for pancakes. It’s sad. This side story sucks.

Meanwhile, as it turns out, the problem Hibiki needed to resolve was checking on Tsubasa to see if she hadn’t dissolved into Taco Bell brand hot n’ spicy Tabasco sauce.

“god, cant believe taco bell was closed. now i gotta deliver these lame ass flowers”

“cant wait to get threatened again. wonder what she’ll say. ‘hibiki, i should have killed you when i had the chance.’ or ‘you’re so goddamned weak. i could break your spine with my fingernail’, or some other stuff about metaphors. oh, my stops here”

“HEY BITCH WHATS GOOD-”

“HOLY SHIT”

“you are already”

“dead.”

[7wanderingpaws]

Legal Birthday (GOT7 Jackson)

Pairing: Jackson x reader

Genre: Spy AU

Word Count: 9.8K

Warnings: small violence, blood, a little seductive?

The room was dark and very clean for it to be hiding something dangerous and gnarly but despite your surprise, you steadily advanced ahead, your steps silent shaming even the sneakiest cat.

“It should be hidden in the most uncommon of places,” you heard in your ear, pressing the in-ear with your middle finger further inside. “Keep looking, we cannot lose this one.”

“I am on it,” you murmured. You were so happy you managed to catch the owner of the apartment away. This way, you could get rid of all the nasty things he was hiding without any trace. Although, you did wish to witness his surprised face to see all his treasures disappeared.

Going around the kitchen, you looked through each drawer, opening the dish washer, the fridge… it was nowhere to be found.

It took you another 10 minutes of close analysis to finally advance to the bedroom area. There was a tingling sensation in the pit of your stomach, as if it was signalling, that this was the moment the entire truth would come to the surface.

“All clear. Keep proceeding.”

  Reaching for the drawer, you opened it to find neatly arranged sweaters and shirts and some expensive watches. Your heart was thundering as you reached deeper. Just when your hand brushed something concrete that should not be in a usual drawer, your in-ear blew up: “You’re not alone anymore, immediately withdraw! Y/N, get out of there-”

In that instant you turned and without thinking twice, you smashed the dark body of the intruder into the nearest wall harshly, your inner instincts bringing the best out of you. You bared your teeth as if a tiger, and held the strong stranger with your elbow pressed to his neck. He did not budge though. His face was covered in a mask and he was wearing a black hat, making it impossible to read even the slightest into his face.

“Who are you,” you growled deeply and pressed harder against his neck. “Who sent you. Who do you work for. Answer or else-”

The stranger attacked suddenly and you cursed under your breath for letting down your guard for a heartbeat. Now it was you being pressed against the wall but your leg immediately shot up, kicking him into his waist and pushing into his chest, making him tumble backwards.

Your hand reached out and snapped the mask downwards and the other hand took off his hat. Fluff of brown hair sprung free, freshly washed and soft under your harsh fingers.

The view was nothing you expected and a loud, horrified gasp was the only reaction you were able to let out.

In this split second, he had you pinned against the wall, his breath fanning over your open mouth, still in pure shock. His deep dark eyes were boring into yours, while his free hand reached into your hair. He grabbed the fake wig you were wearing and slowly dragged it down, his eyes snapping to your own hair. He was looking there for a minute, letting the reality sink in.

“So this is how we meet again,” he mumbled, his focus now back on you.

Your heart was thundering, your legs suddenly wobbly, ready to give out. You knew he was still in the business, you knew almost everything about him despite not being with him for over four years.

“Jackson,” you breathed, still in pure shock. A few seconds had to pass by for you to remember that you wanted to kill him. You needed to get him, beat him up for everything he did to you.

 “What on Earth are you even doing here? This is not a place for you,” he said hurriedly, worry smudged across his handsome face. He was much older than you but his age didnt show any signs at all. His masculinity did the exact opposite things to you and hated yourself for it.

However, his last words turned your shocked face into a rock-hard glare. “You don’t know anything about me. Not anymore. ”

Jackson’s eyes frantically switched between your eyes, searching for any other answers than what you were willing to share.

“What happened to you,” he finally asked. “What did they do to you? Why did they send you?”

You smirked, hoping your next words will finally make him obey. “I came to kill you.”

- - -

Hong Kong, 5 years ago

Your seventeenth birthday was fine. Nothing special. The cake was good.

"Why are we even sitting at home, girls?” shouted Moya, the extremely self-centred friend of yours. “Let’s go watch the training!”

“You know we can’t,” you sighed wanting to be alone. Or with one single person that was on your mind nonstop – and who was participating in the mentioned training. “Boys don’t mix with girls.”

“But your daddy is more influential than mine! I’m sure he will forgive you too, you are his princess after all,” chirped Lucy, the kinder one.

You pressed your lips together. “I don’t think so…”

Training of some muscly men that gave you no perspective whatsoever. You were not a turned on teenager, making you doubt your sexuality on a whole new level. Lots of sweat, lots of grunts, oh yeah, the best thing to ever happen to a girl, right?

Not really, or at least not in your opinion. You still didn’t really know what all those men were training for. It was by complete accident that you know about this, because you followed your father to his workplace one day. As soon as he found out, you got a strong slap across your face, getting shouted at and locked up in your massive mansion you lived in. Alone. Well, with your father.

There was no reason for him to get so worked up over spying a little bit, but later you started to realise that his job might be something else than what it looked like. After all, you spent all your time at home (why did your father even bother to “lock you up” in the house when you couldn’t leave the house anyway?) thinking, combining. Of course, dreaming, too when it came to a certain someone.

Just then, your father appeared in the doorway to the hallway. “Love, I’m leaving. I’ll come back with Jackson to discuss some business.”

You gulped, your mouth slowly opening without really you noticing.

“Can we come too?” asked Moya in a high-pitched tone, already standing up from her chair. “We’ll behave, promise.”

Your father laughed and looked at you. You were too busy now collecting your frantic thoughts. “Maybe another time, ‘right?”

I’ll come back with Jackson to discuss some business. Jackson.

The girls were disappointed but obeyed nonetheless.

Lucy elbowed Dara (the quieter one), pointing sneakily at your zoned out face. “You want to get laid for your birthday, huh?”

Your stare was distant, however.

The girls smirked once again. “Right, I know what it is,” said Moya.

When you still didn’t react to them, she just plainly said, curling her long hair around her index finger. “Mmm, Jackson is coming over. I might as well stay over for the night, hoping he will come to me at the dark hours.”

That made your head snap up right away. Your heart was thundering in your heart, your legs shaky and you weren’t even standing. Gulping, you combed your fingers through your hair.

The girls laughed at you. “Don’t worry, she won’t,” promised Lucy, probably the only normal one in your group of girlfriends. “Jackson has high standards.”

“Excuse me?” yelped Moya but immediately laughed.

“So,” you started your voice too gentle for their harsh thoughts. “Where is the alcohol you’ve been promising for my birthday? Where’s the weed, too? I - like - need it right now but you didn’t do shit about it.”

Silence fell over the little circle table you sat around. They exchanged looks.

Coming from wealthy families, they sure had some strong language and promises all the damn time, but at the end of the day, they never did anything dangerous. They were just fake brats that had zero idea about their lives or its values.

You smiled, standing up from the table after they didn’t answer. “Well, just as I thought so. I’m heading up. Feel free to grab whatever your poor hearts wish for,” you said, your voice fake-kind. Turning, you walked to the staircase, happy to be out of their presence.

None of your friends, nor you knew exactly what were your fathers jobs. It was a secret and apparently, to keep you safe, you were better kept in the shadows of unknown. So, many times you wondered who actually Jackson was. You had a horrible, ugly and deep crush on him, not really undermined by any real facts or actions. You just did and that was it.

That’s why the idea of him coming tonight gave you exciting chills. You knew each other for two years now, your father sometimes bringing him home and when he had to urgently leave, he would make him watch out for your young fifteen-year-old self, as if you would do something worse than reading a book and just wander around the massive house all by yourself.

Without much thinking, you realised you were putting on pyjamas and get ready to sleep. It was such a mechanic way… And you also heard the girls leaving the house.

Sighing, you sat on the edge of your bed and waited till your father would come home and then wait till he suddenly had to leave, having Jackson watch out for you again.

You never really knew why was your father having you watched when you were seventeen now. All the teenagers were independent and responsible at this age and here you were being spoiled as a brat, not knowing what your father’s job was, being watched by the most handsome man you’ve ever laid eyes on. It wasn’t like you saw many men either. You didn’t go out into the wild Hong Kong much, and even if you did, you had to be escorted.

Good for you that you always preferred jeans and goodies, this way nobody could tell your family was wealthy rich.

You didn’t realise you fell asleep until a soft knock awakened you, your father’s gentle eyes right in front of your sleepy face.

“Honey,” he hummed his voice deep. You sensed another figure tentatively standing in the doorway. Your heart jumped. “I have to leave urgently but don’t worry - Jackson will be here if anything happens.”

You never knew what was that “anything” that could happen but it was obvious your father had a very clear idea, though he wouldn’t share that, of course.

You nodded, running your hands over your face. “Alright, take care, daddy. When will you be home?”

He smiled and removed some hair from your forehead. “Hopefully by morning, but I cannot promise anything now.”

You knew that one sentence well, too.

“Alright. See you later and be careful.”

“Always,” he said and then the only thing that was left behind him was a strong smell of cologne that was so typical for men in their 40s and 50s.

Jackson didn’t smell like that. He smelled… Enchanting. It was such a pleasurable mix of cologne on a young skin, some peppermint and this specific, unique smell you couldn’t quite put your finger on. It was herbal, which was the only sure thing.

When you slowly rose from your position, your father was gone and Jackson was in your room, still standing at the doorway. His dark hair was tousled sexily, as if he had someone make it that way. His light brown shirt was of a thin textile, you could tell right away. The black jeans couldn’t hang low on his waist even if they wanted to as the strong, big thigh muscles prevented the textile to move any further down.

Finally, you met his eyes. “Hey,” you whispered.

“Hey,” he rasped back.

He moved slowly to you, not losing the eye contact for a split second. Once he stood close enough to your knees that were connected politely as you were sitting, he said: “Happy birthday.”

A gentle smile pulled at your lips, averting your eyes the only way to show your genuine gratitude. You pressed your lips together. “Thank you.” You took a deep breath, standing up to be closer to him.

He gave you the gentlest of smiles when his warm, veiny hand reached for your left cheek, letting the back of his fingers brush against the flushed skin. “You slept tight. You have these lines on your cheek. So cute,” he laughed quietly, your heart painfully jumping at the sound.

Your smile widened. “Do you think tonight is the night?” You came closer, your hand touching his chest.

Jackson’s smile didn’t falter but the sigh escaping his lips said it all.

Before he could say anything, you stepped back and walked around him, heading for your desk.

You’ve been waiting for a while now for it to happen and it might have been extremely immature but the pressure for you was too big to handle. You wanted it to happen so badly. You wanted it to be finally true. You wanted Jackson to finally do something about it.

It was then when you felt his hands sneak around your waist and turn you around. Your body reacted immediately, fire shooting up your insides almost painfully.

He pressed his forehead to yours. “Not tonight. I can’t.”

“Isn’t it me who is supposed to say that?” you asked quietly, trying to suppress the frustration.

He moved his chin forward, his lips millimetres from yours. “Not until you’re legal for me.”

That simple statement made your knees go weak. You tried to kiss him, but backed away leaving you hanging. You kept your stare on him before his eyes travelled downwards to your cleavage. It wouldn’t make you budge. You wanted him to look. He grabbed your waist gently again and turned you around, pressing his face into your neck.

It made you take in sharply a breath, closing your eyes and feeling his fingers at the hem of your pyjama shirt. “You put this on the wrong way,” he said, pulling at the hem. Oh.

You snapped your eyes opened just to see that he was right. Your shirt was inside-out. So that was the reason he was eyeing your front so openly!

“Let’s change that,” he whispered, his lips brushing your ear.

Ugh. If he did not want to do anything with you tonight, why did he have to tease you like this? Involuntarily, your back arched against his front as his hands were now on the bare skin of your waist.

Gulping loudly, you felt the t-shirt being lifted up, cold air giving chills to your hot skin.

However, he would not budge. It was your crazy young mind that was blindly believing his mischievous, tricky actions. He stopped right away, smirking and playfully pinching your skin, making you yelp. “Change it,” he mumbled, stepping back away from you. “I’ll be downstairs. You want warm milk before bed as usual?” he asked as he was making his way out.

Dumbfounded, you stared in his direction, your short hair falling into your eyes. “Erm, yeah, please.”

He winked at you and left the room, whistling on his way down the stairs.

  The next year it was an understatement that you were going crazy. The high expectations of the cold December night of your eighteenth birthday were overflowing. However, this year your birthday was already different because it was snowing heavily, creating the perfect mood for the upcoming Christmas holidays.

Cosy night. That was what you would think of all day as you were wandering alone in the big house. This time, your father seemed to stay also. You were disappointed that Jackson would not show up for your special night to watch out for you. Or so it seemed.

Just two hours into the late evening and your father received an urgent call. He left right away, calling Jackson on his way out to come and watch out for you.

You downed a glass of cold water and rushed upstairs, your heart beating irregularly.

Will he finally allow you to be his? Are you grown enough for him?

Jackson was 26 which was a massive age gap - you were aware of this. At some point you would try to stop thinking about him and get some sobriety but it was to no avail.

How could it? When nobody was around, you two would bake cookies, dance to Christmas songs, cuddle and hug, take care of each other, feed each other, play hide and seek… Sometimes you would fall asleep next to each other, Jackson’s hands on your naked skin covering your waist. That was the furthest he would ever touch you, the furthest he’d let himself go with you.

If your father would still not be home by early morning, he would give your forehead a gentle kiss and wait for you to wake up.

Unless you were already up before him.

Then you would slowly, ever so gently trace the line of his lips, sensing their softness, dryness. You would analyse each and every detail of his features, how his eyelashes fluttered when he was dreaming and how he looked peaceful when no dreams were tiring his mind. You would notice how deep and regular his breathing was and how he would sometimes end up snoring. It was annoying but you couldn’t be mad or frustrated. You were happy to see him resting. You still didn’t know what his actual job was for your father. Sometimes he would have some scratches on his face which scared you, but you would make sure to give it a little kiss, hoping it would heal soon.

Your trace of thoughts was interrupted with the doors closing downstairs. You jumped up from your bed and lounged for the mirror, checking your already flushed cheeks. At least your hair was behaving for once. You heard steps and someone walking upstairs. They were not hurried, but rather balanced steps. You knew them so well.

He surprised you with tiny gifts that you could cover up easily in case your father would ask about them – not like he ever asked though. Your biggest, most valued present was Jackson’s presence itself. It was his attention to you that was the most rewarding. His eyes following you around the house, how you would chew excitedly on the delicious cake he brought. How you would do a little toast with the bubbly champagne and the taste would make you pull a sour face. He laughed loudly at you, saying: “Welcome to the adult land. It isn’t only champagne that is sour in your life anymore.”

You danced as well. First to some pop songs, and later to slow ones in which he could show his true gentleman potentials when he grabbed your hand gently, pulling you to his front, his hand not leaving the middle of your back. Biting you lip, you squirmed in his arms to make his hand fall lower, obviously anticipating more from him.

He smirked, knowing full well what your cheeky intentions were. But you had to wait for a bit later.

He twirled you, dipped you, and as you bended your head backwards to enjoy the moment, he gave your neck a sweet kiss, letting his lips linger for a few heartbeats.

When the last song was finished, you naturally headed upstairs to your room, turning off all the lights downstairs. Hands intertwined, swinging in the air between you, you were dizzy with emotions for him. Closing the door behind him, you didn’t let him escape anymore as you caged him in and stepped on your tippy-toes, putting your hands on his shoulders to kiss him on the lips like you wished for years now. You never kissed before.

“I’m eighteen now,” you mumbled, opening your eyes slowly. “I am legal for you now.”

He didn’t smile. Serious face was all he could give you for an answer as if to scold you for always wanting to be irresponsible. Seeing your shiny eyes, his features softened up and he took your face in his palms, brushing your hair behind your ear. It tickled. “You are right,” he rasped, his voice husky and deep. Oh my.

He kissed you, letting himself finally go.

It was the next day that you were stolen. It was fast and you had barely any chance to react when you felt a thick, heavy hand land on your mouth before the man was dragging you out backwards. Your first, very first thought, was that it was Jackson and that he might be just playing jokes with you. However, you knew he wouldn’t be that harsh and rude with you and, mostly, he would never even try to scare you in such an ugly way.

Just as you prepared to attack the kidnapper with your elbow, you received a strong blow into your head, making you lose consciousness.

Afterwards, your life became a hell hole. Nothing was the same, neither were you. You were waiting for Jackson or your father to come and save you, but they never came.

“Do you know why are you here, young lady?” asked one of the guys that stole you.

You didn’t but you wouldn’t communicate with them.

“Your father is a liar, a fraud. He is already on the list of the international police.”

Those words scared you. He must have not talked about your father - that was impossible. It all had to be a misunderstanding, a complete nonsense. These things happened only in films or shows, but not in your life.

Sure, you lived in a mansion - you could be a princess if that was what you wished for. And yet, all you could think about was Jackson and how you two could lead a simple, peaceful life. Everyday people with everyday issues.

Not like now. Specific people with very specific issues.

You were crying without realising it as the man continued his monologue in a heavy foreign accent you couldn’t pinpoint. “He exchanged you for his freedom, darling. He has no interest in you whatsoever so you might as well give this silence up and tell me what he was up to in the last two months.”

So this was why your father never told you a thing about his work. To keep you safe. And then, here you were, held hostage. At least the apartment was nice and nobody even touched you ever since, nor anyone tried to do anything ugly.

“Jaebeom.” A tall young man came into the room, wearing a suit. You haven’t seen him yet. He had a kind face, you thought to yourself. Or so it seemed through your blurry vision. “It’s the boss. He wants to meet her.”

Jaebeom shot you a glare before he abruptly stood up, making his way out. “Watch out for her. She might be sneaky for all I know,” he grumbled and slammed the door shut. Silence fell over the otherwise empty room.

“I’m Yugyeom,” said the tall guy, giving you a little wave. “I like computers.”

You blinked a few times, nodding. The tiredness was quickly catching up on you. “Hi Yugyeom,” you said politely. “Maybe you can be so kind and tell me why am I here.”

“It’s your dad. He’s a naughty guy.”

It absolutely should have not but it made you chuckle quietly. Or you were just desperate. “Nice. See, I didn’t even know about that.”

“It wasn’t a lie what the team leader said,” continued Yugyeom, sitting down on the chair that was previously occupied by Jaebeom. So he was the team leader. “Your father exchanged you for his own freedom.”

“So that’s why you’re holding me here? Cause he was selfish?”

“Not quite...” he trailed off, thinking for a minute. “He was kidnapped by his own mafia gang for having debts. We saved you from the gang that stole you.”

“What?” you shouted suddenly, your voice breaking. Yugyeom jumped at the strong vocals. “It wasn’t you who kidnapped me? Oh my god.”

“We are a secret agency and we work for the state of Korea. Your father was one of the leading secret agents but he has been suspicious for quite a long time now. Finally, we were able to trace his dirty business. Unfortunately, you’re involved, too,” he added quickly, looking at you cautiously. “I suggest you to confess quickly before it will get out of control.”

Your mouth was hanging open. You were feeling the dryness in your throat. “Ehm, do you think I can get a glass of water, please?”

“Sure,” said Yugyeom without hesitation, standing up.

Just in that moment the doors opened harshly, and in it a tall man with a slim, long face was standing. He had a serious look on his face. “No, you cannot until you spit out the truth.”

Yugyeom fidgeted with his hands, looking uneasy.

“I don’t know anything,” you whimpered, your voice pleading. “My father refused to tell me anything. He has a complice that is all I know.”

“Who is it?” asked the tall guy, his voice dark. Chills ran down your back.

You went silent here for a second. The truth was, you wanted to cry from the horrible pain in your heart. Jackson was also involved with your father. He didn’t even save you when they kidnapped you. He must have been a liar, too. And you, foolishly, fell for him, gave yourself to him.

But then why was he being so kind and gentle to you the entire time? Why was he respecting you so much when eventually he would stab you in your back anyway?

You hated yourself. You were embarrassed about the last night you spent with him. Despite your heart arguing with your mind that it was the best thing you could do and that you were truly at your happiest whilst being with him, surrounded by him, your brain held a strong hand above your reckless heart in a strong disapproval.

You sighed, not meeting the man’s eyes. “Jackson. His name is Jackson. I’m not sure about his surname but he isn’t very tall, he is muscly and he doesn’t like warm weather.”

Silence fell over the room. Finally, the tall man entered the room and walked to you before he crouched down so he could look into your face. “Jackson?”

Nodding, you hastily met his dark eyes.

“Mark, I don’t think she is talking about the same person,” said Jaebeom from the doorstep. He gave you a strict gaze. “It must be a different Jackson.”

“I don’t care,” replied silently Mark, looking at you the whole time as he was speaking. “I need answers and I need them now. Yugyeom!” he shouted, making the poor boy jump. “Find all the information on Jackson from the B team. And then find this Jackson dude who doesn’t like warm weather,” he smirked at you before standing up. “Bring her to the headquarters,” he said, turning and walking to the exit. “I’ll have another chat with her in a nicer environment.”

You frowned worriedly when Jaebeom came closer to you, removing your hands from the handcuffs attached to the radiator. “You are lucky to be treated this way,” he started. “If it would be up to me, I wouldn’t have any mercy.”

“Why do you even hate me,” you spat, frustrated and done with his disgusting behaviour. “You didn’t tell me why I’m here, you just keep asking me things I have no clue about and I literally told you everything I know – nothing.”

Jaebeom set his eyes on you, as if analysing. He was silent for a moment, before saying: “Well this is life, princess. Deal with it.”

You scoffed at the stupid nickname, anger boiling inside of you. Within an hour you were escorted through half of Hong Kong to a district you’ve never set your foot to before. You only heard scary stories related to it but that still didn’t ease your excitement and curiosity about this place.

“Where are we going?” you asked a man sitting next to you.

He looked at you, not quite bothered. “Don’t ask.”

“Bam, you don’t need to be harsh to her.”

You looked at the tall guy, Yugyeom, giving him a thankful smile for standing up for you.

When you arrived, you were escorted to a big fancy office where the Mark dude was already sitting in his leather chair, looking out the massive glass wall at the foggy skyline of Hong Kong

“So, you state that you don’t know anything,” he started without any notice.

“Yes,” you replied boldly.

That made him turn in his chair, his face smiley and cheeky. Well that was surprising. What was he smiling about?

“Then I have an idea. It is better for you to cooperate. That is, unless you’re not innocent as you make yourself out to be.”

You gulped and after a minute of hesitation, you nodded.

“Here’s my plan,” said Mark and ushered you towards him, whispering something you would have least expected.

  The upcoming two years have been a whirlwind of emotions. These emotions were too strong for your gentle self to bear. It was all too real, too hurtful and yet, at the end of the day when you would pass out of exhaustion into your freshly made bed, you would feel the strongest sense of accomplishments.

The trainings were hard. They would not let you cry for even a second. There was no room for feelings. As much as you wished to cry about your father becoming such a fraud and a liar who betrayed his own daughter to sell her off for his own freedom was making you feel nauseous and disgusting.

Those nails that looked so much like your father’s? You despised them.

The shape of your eyes? You couldn’t stand them.

That handsome smile of his that was beautifully transformed to a soft, feminine one on your face was one of the reasons why you wouldn’t even bother to raise the corners of your mouth.

Maybe your sudden talent in athleticism was the only thing that could pass as acceptable from things you inherited from your father. But otherwise...

That was it.

And then there was ... him.

Him, who you didn’t want to think of anymore. Him, who still made you weak in many ways, in many places. Him, who didn’t bother to come back to save you because he was too busy to protect your lying father.

Him, whom you loved so dearly. Him, who made you feel loved, beautiful and eternal.

Him, for whom you would give up your own life, him, whom was the kindest man, the most caring, the most wonderful and the most superlative worthy man.

Him, whom you hated so feverishly, it was making you feel dizzy.

---

“Hey, leader.”

Jaebeom was busy tracking a weirdo who kept crashing the servers of the police security cameras when he raised his head from the screen to see tall Yugyeom wave at him through the entire office.

It was alright. Other 100 agents who were working in the department were used to this kind of behaviour, so nobody paid any attention. Nor they did when the leader stood up, adjusted his elegant blazer (he was attending a party afterwards) and walked through the entire room to the PC specialist to see what was so important, that the leader himself had to walk to him.

“Look,” Yugyeom pointed a long, thin finger at the right-side screen.

Jaebeom frowned as he focused his piercing gaze on the screen. It was Jackson. “What is he doing here? I thought agent Wang was overseas.”

“He is done with another mission,” replied Yugyeom as he typed up some codes to the left-side screen. “He is attending a meeting with Mark now. There is unfinished business regarding Y/N’s father.”

“Shit,” sighed Jaebeom and lowered his head, to make the conversation more private. “I thought that bastard was taken care of.”

Yugyeom turned his head ever so slightly, his focus on the leader’s sharp jaw. It was never a good sign when the leaser pushed out his chin. “Well, he wasn’t. He exchanged the girl for his freedom, remember?”

“Alright,” Jaebeom straightened up to his full length, towering over the young boy. “Tell Mark I’m attending the meeting too. I have to talk to Jackson anyway.”

“What about Y/N?”

“What about her?”

“Aren’t we going to tell her he is here in the city?”

Jaebeom looked confused. “Why should we?”

“Because she thinks he is the bad guy.”

The leader smirked, his face twisted in a bitter smile. “Who cares? It’s not like she loves him or something. He doesn’t care about her anyway, why make it more complicated?”

Yugyeom didn’t respond. How was he supposed to tell the leader that it was more than a crush for her, that Jackson was her everything she knew before her life became such a mess.

“You’re right,” he heard himself say, rather automatically. “They will never see each other again.”

“I just wonder what Mark has to do with him in secret that he didn’t notify us about his arrival.”

“All I know is that another team is taking care of some douches in Hong Kong so they are sending him as the main Cantonese representative. After all Jackson truly is a gem in our agency. Not many people have his charms or language skills.”

“That’s true, but Jackson is still part of my team. I thought I am supposed to know where and what my agents are doing. Who else is going to bear responsibility?”

“Got some news, bros.” Agent Bambam, who was walking by Yugyeom’s table, threw the latest newspapers down on the table, the main headline saying “Tax Evasion more Severe”. “It’s happening again,” laughed Bam.

“Aren’t you supposed to be out in the terrain by now? What are you still doing here? Agent Park is expecting you there!” exclaimed Jaebeom strictly.

Bam laughed, clapping his hands. “Team leaderrrrr, chill! That was yesterday, you forgot already?”

“Agent Im is busy with dates, aren’t I right?” Agent Park, or just Jinyoung, appeared from the other side of the table and patted the dissatisfied leader on the back. “You chose a nice blazer for this evening, Jaebeom. She will be pleased. Much better than that fluffy jacket that caused your date immediate allergic reactions last time.”

Jaebeom sighed and massaged his eyes. “How come you all have so much free time on your hands?” he shouted suddenly, making everyone jump. “Get back to your places, now!”

Jinyoung smirked and gave one last pat to Jaebeom’s shoulder before he ventured off with others, leaving poor Yugyeom drained and worried.

“Tell Mark I’m coming,” murmured Jaebeom, not looking at Yugyeom. “And you’re coming with me.”

“Why?” peeped Yugyeom, complete dread written over his face.

Jaebeom frowned in astonishment. “You are my only normal agent here. I can’t count on those ducks,” he replied looking at the others who were silently watching them, smirks under their noses.

--

Marks office was still the same even after two years: minimalistic and with a breathtaking view of Hong Kong’s landscapes.

Jackson was happy to be back in his hometown after countless of missions in China and North Korea. He even forgot that Hong Kong’s air had its own smell.

“How do you see it so far?” asked Mark, sitting in his chair, looking out the window on the slow sundown. “Do you think it will be done by this month?”

“This month?” asked Jackson, surprised. “It’s December.”

Mark let out a breathy laugh, slowly turning in his chair to face his friend. “Oh, I had absolutely no idea it was December. Thank you for telling me.”

Jackson looked down at his intertwined hands. He had some bloody scratches on them, but they were pretty much healed by now. “Sorry I-“

“It’s her birthday, I know,” said Mark matter-of-factly.

Jackson snapped his head up, his face in utter horror. “Whose?”

“C’mon, man, don’t act like an innocent, ignorant boy. I know everything.”

“I’m lost,” said Jackson, still holding up his guard.

“She would probably kill you if she saw you now though,” laughed Mark as if nothing. “She is a little fierce tiger.”

“Why would you talk about her like that?”

“So you do know who I am talking about!” clapped his hands Mark and looked utmost pleased.

Jackson sighed, already tired of the conversation. “What was it you wanted to talk with me about?”

“You possibly cannot kill her father in the month of her birth, right? That would be too much to bear even for me.”

“Yeah, even for you, you emotionless prick,” spitted Jackson and ran his hands over his dark hair. “I can’t believe I’m having this talk with you! Just get to the point so I can get out.”

“Before she discovers you here?”

“Why would she even be in this damn building!” shouted Jackson, genuinely confused and stood up abruptly to walk around the big office.

Mark observed his friend for a little bit before answering. “You two are so alike and yet so different.”

“I refuse to take part in this mission.”

“But it will be beneficial for your position.”

“I don’t care about my position.”

For once, finally, Mark became speechless. He knew Jackson as the back of his hand – hardworking, willing to give up everything just so he could go far in his job, just so he could protect his country from all the evil that was in the streets. This was nothing like that Jackson. He would never refuse to do something for better good. “So a woman can have such a strong influence over a man. Damn, I thought it’s just some poetic bullshit.”

“Mark,” said Jackson, his voice low and threatening. “Stop it.”

“Look at yourself. What are you doing?”

“I am trying to keep myself sane.”

Mark stood up and walked towards fuming Jackson, bending his knees so he could see better the young man’s face. “If you love her, why don’t you face her?”

“You said yourself she would kill me in an instant.”

Mark laughed, straightening up. “I bet she would. But that is not the case.” He paused for a seconds to think over his thoughts. “She loves you. I know how much she suffered after we saved her.”

Jackson gritted his teeth, not wanting to talk about that episode he missed out on. He still couldn’t believe he was not there to save her just in time, right on her eighteenth birthday.

“I have a plan though,” continued Mark. “For it, we will need your team leader to appear. And, of course, I won’t let you kill the man in this month. Nor later. I just need you to be exactly where I need you to be in order for everything to work out well.”

In that moment, there was a knock on the door and Jaebeom stepped in confidently, followed by a not so confident Yugyeom.

“Mark, what the hell?” started Jaebeom, throwing his hands up in the air before he walked to Jackson to hug him. “Are you alright?” he asked him and then gave him the tightest of hugs.

“I’m fine,” Jackson muttered, pleased to see Jaebeom after such a long time.

Mark took a step back and smiled at the team. He made sure to wave brightly at Yugyeom, too. The boy was a talented hacker.

--

“You came to kill me?” asked Jackson, surprised. That was not written in the script.

You gritted your teeth, wanting to beat him up to a pulp. So many emotions were swirling inside of you, so many memories, so many old touches re-emerged on your skin, giving you goosebumps. “I won’t have mercy just like you had zero mercy with me!”

“Shh, stop shouting,” whispered Jackson and held his palm to your mouth.

You bit it strongly, making him yelp in surprise. He stepped back a few steps, looking alarmed when he suddenly saw you holding a dagger in your right hand. Aimed... right at him.

“Y/N,” he murmured, worry in his eyes.

“You will listen to me!” you shouted. Your in-ear was blowing up with Jaebeom’s and Yugyeom’s instructions but you wouldn’t care. You needed to finish this business, so you could have your peace of mind. “I loved you. I cared for you so much. I knew nothing about the world because you were my only world, my only dream I had! And you ruined it.”

“Wait, Y/N, let me explain. I loved you. Hell, I still love you so much! I waited for you for so long...”

Little tears were pricking at your deadly eyes; they were too hot for the cold skin covering your cheeks. Before you could say anything more, something big blew up not that far away from you two. Jackson sprung out to cover your shocked body, making both of you fall heavily on the floor.

His face was too close for you to not like it and you hated it. He was searching your eyes, making sure you weren’t hurt.

But you were crying. Shaking. Tired and scared and confused because he was finally there and yet you wanted to push him away. He wouldn’t let you though. He quickly stood up and helped you stand, pulling you towards the fire exit. “You’ve got to get out of here, you hear me? Go away, go back to Jaebeom.”

You didn’t have time to be surprised at how he knew all that information, you just went with it. “You are coming too, right?” you breathed, swallowing the painful lump in your throat. “Please, don’t leave me, Jackson.”

He turned around to shoot you a look you couldn’t quite define. It was full of worry, uncertainty and sadness. “I have to finish this mission.”

“But it is my mission and I don’t want you to participate in it.”

He stopped to look you properly in your eyes. Your mission? How exactly was this your mission, he wanted to ask.

The alarms went off above your heads. It didn’t budge Jackson though. He cupped your cheeks ever so gently, still treating you like a porcelain doll. “I will come back. And we will talk everything out, you hear me? I will find you and I swear to God, I will not let you go for a second,” he breathed, inching closer to your bloody lips. “I will not let you go.”

You leaned in. It was so inappropriate and so stupidly film-like, but you couldn’t help your feelings.

God, he was your everything.

Just before his cut lips could finally, finally touch yours, another bomb went off, sending pieces of bricks your way. You both just managed to dive but it was not quick enough. Your face got a deep, ugly and very painful cut just under your left eye, sending tiny daggers into your head. You screamed from pain, immediately reaching out to cover your face, hoping it would ease the pain.

Jackson grabbed your hands, pushing them aside to see. His big eyes scanned the cut. You felt the warm blood trailing down your cheek. It looked like you cried blood.

“Wait, don’t move,” said Jackson sternly touching gently the skin around the cut. Eventually, he looked into your eyes and sighed. “Let’s get out of here. Right now.”

Just then you noticed Jackson also had an in-ear, getting instructions. You both must have been connected to Jaebeom as he was the leader of this mission. But you didn’t understand why you didn’t know about Jackson’s participation in this.

He held your hand tightly, leading you out.

“Y/N if you don’t get out of there this instant, I swear to god I’ll make sure you will never get employed in your whole goddamned life!” shouted Jaebeom. “Yugyeom, if you ever recommend this loser of an agent again, I’ll kick you out too!” you heard in the background.

Yeah, do it, you thought to yourself. You had Jackson now. You didn’t need anything at all in this world. Your everything was already there-

You finally reached the exit to the outside world. Jackson pushed you ahead of him. Behind the doors would be the secret service team that was supposed to save both of you stuck in the building. You turned quickly to see Jackson’s face but was horrified when you saw a man behind him. He was tattooed and tall and had a mask and he was holding a long, sharp knife aimed ... right at Jackson.

No. No. Nobody was allowed to aim a weapon at Jackson, only you were.

Before you realised what you were doing, you smashed Jackson aside, who could only see the horror in your eyes, confused. Thanks to your quick reflexes, you smashed the knife out of the man’s hand, his painful wail the only sound in the alarm-filled building.

“NO! Y/N get out!” shouted Jackson.

The man gave you a strong slap, making your head snap to the left. Your hair got stuck in the blood. You felt yourself being dragged out. “Wait,” you murmured, seeing stars from the blow. “Jackson.”

Jackson received several blows into his back as he was shielding your body, trying to get you out of the building. Mark would save you, he knew it.

He reached for the door, opening it and tried to run with you, but your head was spinning and hanging down, falling into a painful daze. His heart clenched tightly, a sudden aggressive rage taking over his emotions. Agents ran to get you and Jackson was already turning to fight the intruder when he spotted the same dagger in his hand. That ass retrieved it again.

Jackson, still in pain from the previous blows into his back, had slowed reflexes despite him clenching his teeth to fight the numbness. One cut, two cuts, three cuts. Jackson smashed the guy into the wall and hit his face with fists while using martial arts to paralyse him.

“Quickly, go help him, I’ve got her now,” you heard from afar as a strange pair of hands were taking you into the nearby van. Alarms could be still heard in the background, but you had your own alarms in your head, your body heavy. It felt like there was an earthquake.

“Where is Jackson,” you murmured, your eyes closed.

“Agent Rick and agent Tom, go to your positions immediately! Help Agent Wang now! Team 5, prepare the guns!”

The doors on the van suddenly closed and all the sound was pushed out. Now it was just ringing in your head. Opening your eyes, you saw blurry Youngjae who was focusing on your arm. You felt a little sting. By the time you fell asleep, you managed to frown from the pain.

--

Jackson didn’t show up the next year.

He was lying in the hospital as he almost got killed in that fight.

You were not allowed to see him and out of safety reasons, you were taken to the main headquarters in Seoul to be sure you wouldn’t go see him.

“He is in a horrible state, Y/N,” said Yugyeom, not looking your way as he was searching some information on the internet in the office. “It’s for the better.”

You wanted to pull your hair out. You cried many nights. You lied awake many sleepless nights. There was no more fire behind your trainings either. Those, who hurt Jackson, got killed and taken care of thanks to Mark.

Oh, Mark. Right. “You know, he was actually never the bad guy,” he told you one day when he decided you were strong enough to withstand the whole truth. “The entire time, he was spying on your father as he was on our list of suspicious businessmen for quite some time. Jackson never mentioned you, though, which is strange. In his reports, he didn’t state there was any daughter. He only focused on the updates about your father’s whereabouts.”

This meant Jackson was doing everything for the state security and, along the way; he was trying to protect you as well. He fell in love with you deeply and very unexpectedly.

Your heart was heavy once again. You blamed Jackson for so many things and even treated him badly before he was shot and taken to the hospital, while all he was trying to do was to save you. If your loser-self wouldn’t pass out from a single blow, no doubt you would throw yourself in front of the bullet.

But now, the only thing left for you was to pray and hope Jackson would recover soon so you could see him. So you could finally tell him you loved him.

  It was December, your birthday to be exact, when Mark said: “You should stop worrying about him for now,” he patted your shoulder as he spotted the big, dark bags under your blood-shot eyes exactly. “He is the strongest man I ever met – and trust me, I did have the pleasure to meet some cool dudes.”

It didn’t help you that much but you managed to lift the corners of your mouth nonetheless. It still warmed your heart that he was trying to cheer you up on your birthday.

“That’s my girl,” smiled Mark at the sight of your little smile. Once Mark left, Yugyeom came by your desk as he always did to check up on you, to listen to you and, to wish you a happy birthday.

Yugyeom was what the world defined as a real friend. Previously, you had fake friends only and then Jackson. To have Yugyeom was such a breath of fresh air, such a relief and you were thankful for his constant care for you although he didn’t have to do any of it.

“What will you do once he returns?” quipped Yugyeom, sitting down in the empty chair after he cheered on you and surprised you with a little birthday cupcake.

You hummed thinking, imagining, and your heart jumping. “Say hi.”

Yugyeom almost choked on his saliva as he was trying to hold back his laughter. “That sounds fun!”

“Why, what should I do?” you asked, confused at his funny reaction.

Yugyeom looked at you, gently shaking his head. He was always astonished the way you were thinking – so simply and so naively. “I meant once when you guys warm up to each other,” he said eventually, not answering your question.

He knew exactly how you two were feeling about each other. It was one thing when you poured your heart out to him while Jackson was not around and another thing was for Yugyeom to witness with his own two eyes that day when it all happened. When he saw yours and Jackson’s bodies running out of the building, you half-unconscious and Jackson protecting you with his own body before giving you to the running agents... And then the blows he received...

Yugyeom had a hard time himself to sleep at night. Jackson was dear to his heart, always one of the only agents who would believe in Yugyeom’s ability as a professional hacker, always encouraging, always supporting.

“No, Yugyeom, you don’t get it,” said Jackson once, shaking his hand wildly to prove his point, “I’m your biggest fan.”

Yugyeom would hardly survive the idea that Jackson would not make it out of his recovery.

You pursed your lips, still trying to think of some good words to utter. “Talk like before all the events happened.”

“I see,” nodded Yugyeom thoughtfully, understanding he would not get more information from you.

“Are you trying to get something specific out of me? Just ask straight-forwardly.”

“Nope, actually, it’s better not to know,” he said quickly, blush creeping into his cheeks.

“Agent Kim!” Yugyeom almost fell off the chair at the sound of Jaebeom’s demanding voice echoing through the open office. “Where is the last week’s analysis of Burn’s Shop?!”

“Oh, shit. I’ve gotta go,” muttered Yugyeom, immediately getting up and sprinting over to his desk.

You smiled softly, shaking your head. Silly goose.

“Y/N!” shouted Jaebeom at you. Now it was your turn to jump. “Did you discuss the internal system shut down with agent Kim yet?!”

Oh my god, you thought to yourself, immediately collecting the papers that were necessary for the upcoming meeting. You forgot about it as later that day an official ceremony was happening to pay respect to the agents and to receive the certificates from the state organisation.

You rushed over to Yugyeom who sat down on top of his desk before you both started to go through the necessary data. By now you were a pro in this so you could finally feel important in your existence.

You were just in the middle of the discussion when you heard two colleagues that were passing by whispering excitedly that Jackson was back.

Yugyeom stopped mid-sentence, looking at you with big brown eyes of realisation.

Without any hesitation, you set down the papers you were holding tightly in your hands, setting off to a little sprint to catch up with the two ladies, stopping them. “Hey,” you breathed, trying to push down the passionate eagerness, “do you know where Jackson is?”

“He just passed by our office a few minutes ago,” they replied, blush still obvious from the encounter with him. Thanking them, you glanced at their name tag, seeing “Finance department” written under their names.

Feeling your heart beat heavily, you rushed to the finance department, desperately searching for his face. God, you would finally see his face. You couldn’t believe it.

As soon as you reached the first office of the department, you spoke even before opening the door. “Have you seen Jackson?”

“He just left to greet the IT team,” they replied, staring at your impatient face.

You ran down the corridor, passing by agents and officers, hoping to get a glimpse of the familiar face. You ended up passing Yugyeom again, by then breathless.

“He was here literally a few minutes ago,” started Yugyeom, reading your pleading face perfectly as usual. “He was asking about you. He went searching for you, but he has to be in the main hall in-“ he checked his wrist watch, “-now.”

Oh. So Jackson was going to be among the awarded agents. How could that not pass your mind? You were so busy thinking about when you will finally see his face that you didn’t even think about today’s ceremony. You even brought a pretty dress because it was a necessity for the occasion.

Your heart was thundering in your chest, the desperation making you give out dissatisfied grunts.

He was back. Jackson was back. He recovered. He came back and he wanted to see you. You.

Running down the hall, you made your way to the main entrance, knowing he would be there to greet all the important people of the state organisation. But you didn’t expect such a big crowd. Standing on your tiptoes, you tried to see his head in the massive wave of people but you were dragged into the main hall, where the banquet would take place later on.

Angry tears were prickling behind your eyes. You had only one wish and that was to finally see his face. You looked to your right where there was a massive terrace overlooking a beautiful garden. You turned again, tiptoeing, when... when you spotted him.

Your heart jumped painfully when you noticed he had his eyes already set on you, intently, and yet it seemed like they were screaming, too.

Emotions of love overtook your insides. You both tried to push your way to each other but you were unwillingly dragged to the side, just next to the glass wall. Out of frustration, you made your way out to the terrace, the cold air giving you a chance to finally catch your breath. You headed to the hidden corner where no eyes could see you just when somebody grabbed your arm hurriedly, turning you around, and their lips crashing to yours.

You saw Jackson’s closed eyes but you were melting already. His kiss was harsh and needy, walking you backwards to the concrete wall and caging you in, giving you zero chance of escape. Not like you would...

Pressing forward, you let out a desperate whimper as you brushed your fingers through his dark, gentle hair. Jackson inhaled through his nose, opening your mouth to devour you completely.

He was desperate just like you, if not even more. Waiting for you for years... First for you to grow into a suitable age, and then the kidnapping, then years of no contact to save you... until you found each other just to be separated again. He was more than done waiting, ready to give you his all.

You made out for a few minutes before you separated to catch your breath. Breathing heavily, drunk with emotions, you looked at him through lidded eyes, holding his face in your palms. “You are alive,” you whispered.

Jackson’s eyes were endearingly boring into yours, smiling. “I am alive.”

Feeling the burn behind your eyes, you pressed your swollen lips together. “I was so worried, Jackson. I thought you were not going to make it and then they wouldn’t let me even see you,” you rambled on quickly, “and I thought I was not going to survive the pressure, the uncertainty.”

“Shh,” he said, pressing his index finger to your lips, “don’t talk about it now. I am here and I am not going to leave your side, Y/N. Ever again.”

You sighed, closing your eyes for a moment. He nudged your nose with his, making you open your eyes again. “I love you,” you spilled.

There was a second of silence. Did he hear well or was it maybe some imagination? Was he still not recovered? Did you really just say that you... “I love you,” he heard himself respond right away, pressing a delicate peck to your lips. Then another one. And another one.

You giggled, his playfulness very familiar. “I don’t think I will let you go tonight,” you said seriously, stars in your eyes, “nor later. I don’t think I will be able to at all.”A high-pitched laugh left his mouth, your smile broadening at the sound of it. “That’s good news then, because I don’t plan on doing that either. We have so much to catch up on. And also,” he said, inching closer to your ear while his free hand wandered around your waist and lifted your shirt up a little bit, sending pleasurable shivers down your spine. “Happy birthday, my love.”

[sol1056]

EPs: "we chose Netflix to explore things like sexuality" (nothing was explored or was explicit for even 2 seconds) "when they told us u cant kill Shiro, we knew we could push the reveal 4 later" (so nice of them to admit they stopped our rep just to be able to kill him) "when we found out about byg we knew we coulnt kill Shiro & we thought we'll find rep w another character. Then we learned we could go on w/ Shiro as the rep" (theres ANOTHER REP WE DIDNT GET?? Was it vague then erased? Whatt??)

I think these are two separate issues. One is related to who made VLD, and the other is related to the EPs’ ignorance of characterization. The second overlaps with a bunch of asks I’ve recently gotten about race and representation, so here I’m just keeping it to a general discussion of characterization, with Lance as example. And then about Shiro in particular, how the EPs’ statements reveal their lack of thought.

Behind the cut. 

remember where these people came from

The team behind VLD is almost entirely formerly Nickelodeon. DreamWorks wanted to break into television on a much larger scale, and since they almost always promote from outside the company, they lured over Margie Cohn from her position as a Nick VP. As VP/exec levels tend to do, Cohn brought a bunch of people with her.

One of those was Mark Taylor, who’d been involved in both AtLA and LoK. Taylor, in turn, brought JDS, LM, and I think one or two of the other producers. Taylor also probably brought over Hamilton, Chan, and Hedrick, as known entities with proven track records. 

These are people who — for for the last ten or more years — have swum in Nickelodeon’s considerably more conservative fishbowl. It’s entirely possible (given what people tell me about storylines in HTTYD, and DW’s open support of She-Ra) the former Nickelodeon team automatically downgraded DW’s “go ahead and explore these heavier/darker topics” to mean “maybe kinda mention in passing but don’t be too obvious about it.”  

Now, to be fair, the EPs may have pushed for more LGBT+ rep, and their obstacle might not have been DW, but Taylor. It’d explain how the EPs could praise everyone (read: DreamWorks staff) as supportive, yet allso complain about pushback (read: Taylor’s Nickelodeon-influenced sensibilities). Two different parties were calling the shots. 

It’s also possible what the EPs saw as ‘rep’ was still considerably toned-down from what DW execs (and the VAs) may’ve expected. After all, that one-minute scene in VLD might’ve required an act of god at Nickelodeon. VLD’s staff may have genuinely considered this scene landmark because even that tiny bit was far more than their previous employer would’ve allowed. 

Cue the victory lap and excited chatter, and seeming blindness to Korra being long since surpassed by Steven Universe, Young Justice, Bob’s Burgers, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, RWBY, Rick and Morty, Clarence, BoJack Horseman, Danger & Eggs, Big Mouth, and Summer Camp Island. Remember, it wasn’t until 2016 that Nickelodeon would have a married gay couple (in The Loud House), and they’re not even central characters. The VLD staff may’ve thought itself bold, and unprepared for the reality of modern (non-Nickelodeon) audience expectations. 

No, I don’t think that absolves them. It just seems the most reasonable explanation. That is, short of seeing the EPs as so utterly cynical they’d pump up the audience for what amounted to a nothingburger in light of what else popular media now delivers. 

and then there’s representation

VLD’s troubles can all be traced to one crucial detail: the EPs don’t understand that characters are the bedrock of stories. And as such, there are no shortcuts.

Ever had the misfortune to catch a home decorating show? Here we have a windowless basement: mock up a mantle from polystyrene, paint the walls gray, put up sconces with flickering lightbulbs… it’s still a basement. It’s just now desperately pretending to be something it isn’t. The bones of the structure are undeniably American Suburbia, not generic castle keep, and those bones are integral to how we experience the space.

The average person isn’t trained to be aware of those bones — the underlying architecture — and its subtle impact on our experience, just as most non-storytellers aren’t trained to see how and where and why characters create plot. I guarantee you, though, you will never mistake a late-century Kmart for the Centre Pompidou or the Forbidden City or Mount Vernon. Just as you would never mistake a beginner’s first novel for Lord of the Rings or Left Hand of Darkness. 

That is, the dressed stone isn’t paint and plaster; it’s a core element informing (even dictating) height, width, and depth of a space. Characterization is the same: it must be structural. In turn, characters inform the breadth and depth of the story. If your characterization is shallow, wild swerves and dramatic reveals can make the story fun, but they will never make it deep. 

I empathize with the (hopefully genuine) intent to avoid making Shiro’s sexuality a ‘reveal.’ The unfortunate truth is: waiting 60+ episodes to even mention in passing makes it a reveal. It wasn’t structural, or viewers would’ve been sensing it from the very beginning. 

This isn’t a haircut or a pair of jeans. It’s a person’s identity, and that has crucial impact on hopes, fears, desires, and needs. It doesn’t start only once the audience is let in on the secret; it was always there. It should’ve informed the character’s actions and reactions all along. 

If Lance is Cuban, and the story takes place in a quasi-future America, then to understand Lance’s perspective, we need to ask questions like: is Cuba still under embargo? Is it a free democracy now, or did Lance’s family flee at some point? Is he part of an exchange program, or is there a lottery that let him come to the US for his education? Did he leave his family behind? How young was he, when he left? What was his childhood like, and how does that differ from what he found in America? What was his parents’ relationship like, and how does that influence his expectations for friends and lovers? 

Was he fluent in English when he arrived, or did he only become fluent later? Does his Spanish have a noticeable accent, and if so, has he felt isolated from other Latinx at school? Or is he the only Latino at the Garrison? Is he proud of his heritage, or ashamed of it? Did he get bullied for being foreign, and how did that change what he says/does? Even if America is joyfully multi-cultural, he’d still be an immigrant or foreigner, and that’s a different experience from a non-white community that’s multi-generation American. What was his impression of his new life? What compared favorably (or not) to his childhood? 

It’s not just, “He’s a boy from Cuba.” You have to think about what it means to be ‘from Cuba’ and how this is different from, say, growing up next door to the Garrison (like Pidge probably did). If you put that much thought into it, if you talk to people who’ve lived that experience, if you push yourself to imagine as deeply as you can how Lance’s life would have shaped him? 

By the time you’re done, Lance would never need to say a word. 

His reactions, his assumptions, maybe a few mannerisms, his humor, a few throwaway comments about his family or things he did as a kid — and there would be Cubans in the audience going, “hey, wait a minute, he’s just like my cousin.” Or brother or uncle or friend. By the time someone asks at a panel? Half the audience would be saying, yeah, we were right, Lance is totally Cuban. 

Or you don’t think about it, and you use stereotypes in hopes that’ll do the work for you. As @sjwwerewolf commented:

Man, I’m ready to rant about Voltron. I’m Cuban. Lance, oh boy, Lance. From season 1 on, he has been written as a huge stereotype. The flirtatious, passionate comic relief character who’s dumb. Like. He’s literally Antman’s sidekick. That character. All you need to make him a full caricature is like, “I have a gangster brother.“ 

The stereotype is a shortcut. It’s slapping on behaviors without thought for a real person’s experiences or perspectives. VLD is, sadly, full of them: the Latino (wannabe) lover, the big guy who likes food (with only the slightest twist to have him actually good at cooking), the boyish-girl who’s a brain and likes computers more than people, etc. 

just pull shiro out of a hat

At some point early on, the EPs said (once again in an interview, not in the story) that VLD is a world without homophobia. The story itself contradicts that ideal, or at least, it emphasizes a certain level of heternormativity over an open embrace of diverse relationships. What’s in our face for six seasons is Lance’s lover-boy stereotype, Allura’s attraction to Lotor, Lotor’s attraction to Allura, Matt’s attraction to Allura, and so on… and the closest we get to anything resembling an alternate attraction is one blush from a servant in a flashback, and Kuron’s startled reaction to Keith’s return. 

All VLD had to do was have Hunk mention his moms. Or Coran mention his late husband. Or Lance mention his sister’s wife. Something explicit to offset the heterosexual attractions going on. Frankly, for six seasons it was an open question whether homosexuality even existed in VLD: the absence of a negative is not proof of the presence of a positive. 

That absence means we really have no idea how being queer in VLD’s world would affect a character — and it would, have no doubt. Our sexuality affects every single one of us; it’s just that straight people have the benefit of seeing the roadmap of their sexuality played out in a million books, movies, and television shows. If you haven’t given thought to whether this is also true in your world, then you don’t really know how a character could discover, define, and map their sexuality, or how they’d quantify or qualify relationships that overlap their sexual preferences. You don’t understand the structure. 

That lack of thought means, nine times out of ten, the creator has said to themselves, “it’s easier to just say this character’s experience of their sexuality is exactly like the one I, as a straight person, vaguely recall having (that I never actually had to question because it was already mapped out for me, everywhere I looked).” That’s not a queer character. That’s a character with a label slapped on their forehead that says here be a queer character. It’s paint, because the structure underneath is straight person. 

Which means that of course the EPs could consider making someone else “the rep,” because they really seem to believe this is as easy as removing the label from Shiro’s forehead and sticking it on someone else. And it’s not. People don’t work like that. Sexuality is no more a simple paint-job than race, gender, culture, or dis/ability. Each of these things is etched on our bones, literally or metaphorically, and that changes us all the way through. 

The short version, then, is: no, we wouldn’t have gotten any other rep, just as we haven’t truly gotten any rep as VLD was delivered. Shiro has a label on his forehead, but unless and until the canonical story demonstrates this goes all the way down to his bones… he’s just a straight suburban basement with a mediocre paint job and some fake queer columns.

[sunagakubae]

sjadhkfg this is.. so late but i was tagged by @narutoslittlefox for this tag thing so thank you!

Rules: Answer all questions and tag 20 people

Star Sign: libra

Height: 5′2″

Gender: female

Birthday: october 19

Relationship status: single

Who is your crush: temari cdsvndkjzldb

Song that is stuck in your head: The Other Side of Paradise - Glass Animals

Last movie: the nightmare before christmas iirc

Last TV show: naruto....

Why did you create this blog: i have a lot of feelings so i just made a sideblog dedicated solely for nart since i didnt wanna spam naruto on my main because im a coward

What do you post / reblog: this is mainly a sand sibs blog but i also post a lot about other things i like such as my fav minor characters & rarepairs rip

Last thing you googled:

Favorite song lyric:  (Control - Halsey)

I paced around for hours on empty I jumped at the slightest of sounds And I couldn't stand the person inside me I turned all the mirrors around

What are you wearing: my pajamas which are just sweatpants + my fav alien t-shirt

Dream job: cyber security expert

Currently reading: my AP bio textbook..

Top 3 universes: naruto, mp100, drrr!!

Last time I cried and why: like a month ago about something personal

A picture of me: sure man here ya go

Ideas of a perfect date: go sky diving and then watch naruto together afterwards or smth like that

A fact about my life: i have a pet cactus i water every 2 weeks

What’s one thing you regret: back in middle school when i didnt cut off toxic ““friendships”“ sooner

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: sorry i dont find real ppl attractive ://

Have you ever taken a picture naked: no

Have you ever had a crush: not really... more like a really strong admiration

Have you ever been in a fist fight: nah

Have you ever snuck out of your house: nope

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back: nuh uh

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun: maybe like a couple times back in middle school

Have you ever been on a plane: yep

Have you ever kissed a picture: ........yeah lmao

Have you ever touched a snake: no

Have you ever felt like dying: again just a few times during middle school

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t: always

Phobia: thanatophobia

Middle name: danger is my middle name

Are you a virgin: yes

What’s your sexual orientation: asexual

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs: no

Someone you miss: my uncle who died a lil over a year ago :(

Favorite ice cream: cookies n cream!!

One insecurity: my academic failures

What my last text message says: kk

Have you ever painted your room: ya i painted it light purple

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex: no

Have you ever slept naked: no

Have you ever been dumped: no

Have you ever stole money from a friend: noo

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met: no

Have you ever been arrested: all of these are just no tbh

Have you ever made out with a stranger: really?? no

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere: nah

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents: no

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor: no

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex: no

Have you ever seen someone die: not personally

Favorite Harry Potter spell: harry potter?? is that like british naruto?

Have you ever hated the way you look: yup

Have you ever witnessed a crime: just minor misdemeanors here & there nothing too crazy

Have you ever pole danced: lol no

Have you ever been lost: 24/7

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country: no but maybe halfway across the country

i cant tag 20 people so im just gonna tag @whattadragg @sunagakures @sakurasdivorcelawyer @dechartjpg @jojotaros @bleedingrose152 @jaxyjellyfish @goomykins @kakashifromaccounting @shikamarubase and anyone else who wants to do it!!

[missjackil]

Let’s Talk About This....

One of the things I loved most about Season 12, was the drama between Mary and the boys. I know many of you found it annoying, but I was highly impressed. It wasn’t written as “Oh look Mom is back, lets be nice little family” or “Oh crap mom is back and she’s a zombie!” No, instead, there was a very realistic story around it, and the writers didn’t pick an easy one.  Nothing about the story, really went the way I thought it would, and I am so glad that as much as I watch this show, the writers can still surprise me. Now, Im not all about Mary hate, and I dont hate Sam Smith as an actor, but IMO she isnt nearly as good an actor as J2 are so scenes with her came off a little lobsided, but all that aside, I think the story arch was believable and well written. Continue below the cut 

My first thought was that if they didn’t make her a monster or evil, that she would be the third wheel (yuck) and favor Dean over Sam because they already established a relationship and Sam was just a baby when she died. I figured the story would develop that Sam felt left out, and early on, it almost looked like they were going that route. In The Foundry, we saw Mary and Dean sharing similarities, with the bacon and beef jerky, and putting Sam in the back seat (which hurt my soul) and cranking the radio when he wanted it turned down.  A little later in the episode, Mary stands between them, when theyre posing as FEDs, and of course to me, this made me clench my teeth. “Do NOT come between my bros!!!!” I’m not alone in that thought am I? Then much to my surprise, at the end, she wants to leave them! And really, for an understandable reason. This is something that could very likely happen in real life, if an estranged mother unexpectedly meets her adult children. Sure she may love them, but it could be very hard to wrap her head around that these men are the little children she remembers.  Now, from this point on, she seems more drawn to Sam. Not that she doesn’t love Dean, but maybe in part due to his understanding that she needs space, and maybe in part out of sheer curiosity of a son she really doesn’t know at all. They had never even had a conversation (to her recollection) before this point. She has no idea what kind of personality he has, and also knows that nothing about him, has anything to do with how she raised him. She has never spent a birthday or Thanksgiving or Christmas with him. He is a complete stranger, and yet, he’s very warm and understanding. And let’s not forget that she knows exactly why his life is a nightmare, and it’s from her own doing, and yet, he’s never even brought it up.  Now, I know many of you believe Sam doesn’t know she made a demon deal that caused Azazel to visit and start the firey chain reaction of his life, but I have always believed he does, and It SEEMS like thats the way the show is playing it, since it’s never come out that Sam DOESNT know, and there have been more than enough places that it should have been mentioned. Like when Mary told Dean she didnt know how to face Sam or what to say, because she started everything. or “Im scared, what if he (Sam) cant forgive me?” Dean didn’t say “Well Sam doesn’t know” he just didn’t say anything. However, they did leave it open ended, not confirming that he knows, so it still could go that way. It would just seem weird that it’s never been said that he doesnt know, making everyone anticipate that revelation.  For argument’s sake right now, lets say Sam doesn’t know. I’ll ask, if we should think he wouldn’t forgive her quickly? I can’t picture him lashing out, unless he found out right after something traumatic had happened. Not everyday trauma, but big, like getting possessed by Lucifer again, or somehow his powers just killed or nearly killed Dean. During S12 nothing really happened that would have opened that scar to a fresh wound. In the past few seasons, Sam has been strong and more confident in himself, and much more accepting of his life, so if he were to find out now, he’d just be shocked and hurt for a little bit, and be forgiving soon after.  My next surprise came while watching Sam and Dean reacting to their mother betraying them, The brothers have been betrayed by nearly everyone they know at some point, or hurt in some way, but this is their mother. Their reactions are a lot different than if it had been an enemy, a friend, or even each other. They had to be hurt and disappointed in someone they weren’t gonna kill or hit. Even when they have hurt each other, they could yell and scream and beat the crap out of each other, but this is MOM! The gifs above represent, such a wonderful acting scene for J2. We have seen them fight with their Dad in s1, and we wouldnt have been surprised if punches got thrown, so the anger was a lot louder and potentially physical. Here though, they’re holding back.  Both brothers express broken hearts so clearly in their facial expressions. They havent had a time before this, that they have been hurt so deeply by a woman they both love. They’re both holding back tears so hard it shattered my heart for them both. However, they didn’t cowar and hang their heads in shame while she tried to justify her actions, that she is “Not JUST a Mother�� when she hadnt even tried to be a Mom to them yet. But my boys made damn sure she knew you don’t f*ck with them and walk away scott free. Maybe you’re in a safe zone where they wont punch you physically, but they’ll make you wish they did.  Dean rabid punched her in her heart with his words. He was glad she got to be haunted by Wally dying during the lake house hunt, that she felt guilty telling his wife. He made sure she knew everything he and Sam were feeling, and took away her place as their mother by calling her Mary. When she was metaphorically bleeding on the ground, Sam drew the kill shot. He doesn’t argue with her, he doesn’t cut her down, thats been done, he just delivers the last thing that anyone who loves Sam Winchester in the slightest, ever wants to hear... “You should go”.  What she had before all this, her sons and somewhere she could call home, Sam and Dean took them both away from her, because she squandered them. I was speechless. Now, if there was ever any wonder, who could get away with what when dealing with these brothers, it got answered. If you’re on the good side of Sam and Dean, you have the best protection and friends you could ask for, but nobody is safe if they cross them. And sure, they take abuse by people/monsters all the time and dust it off, but they have their limits, even with blood family.  Look at these gifs and see their faces. These men have both lived through decades of Hell. Lost eachother several times. Been tortured, beaten, shot, stabbed, and tormented by the most evil creatures ever created, but this woman, their own Mother, inflicted more pain than  any of them. Both Jared and Jensen deserve Emmys for conveying that so clearly.  Now, the guys undoubtedly fester with this for a while, but in typical Sam and Dean fashion, they cant just walk away. Sam ventures back first, but Dean isnt far behind when he hears Mom might be in danger. They dont talk about it anymore till the end. Dean is pretty open about his feelings, though he will tell you he isn’t. Sam is the oposite, he thinks he’s open and he really isnt. When Dean gets into Mary’s head in 12x22, he lays it all out to her, he tells her what she doesn’t know about him, and how her actions ruined, not only his, but Sam’s life as well. Why did he speak for Sam? Because Sam wont. Not because Sam is weak, but because Sam doesn’t want attention drawn to his issues. He’s an “other people have got it worse” kind of guy.  When Dean tells Mary that he hates her, and that he loves her, and forgives her, you know, he really forgave her. She had to know she is truly loved and forgiven. Then she worries about Sam, and maybe he can’t forgive her. With the same style, with so few words, that knocked her out not long ago, he gives only a few words to pick her back up. “You dont have to be scared of me” (ugggh my heart!) If you didn’t like this story arch, I ask that you just watch it again and see how much time and effort were spent on Sam and Dean’s reactions to everything, and maybe give a new appreciation to how well it was written, and even better acted. 

[tumblunni]

Today’s weirdass yokai watch fact I have learned: Agent X is Injun Joe. He’s just.. Injun Joe. His japanese name is goddamn Injun Joe.

“Hey what’s an american thing? Men In Black and uhhhh RACISM”

His entire design is just fuckin Injun Joe, the version from a very particular tv show in japan, just fuckin recoloured purple. I never would have even known!!

So uhh yeah, good on you dub team for removing all that loaded roulette of a thing, holy fuckin shit...

I feel kinda bad for the japanese developers though because there’s no indication they really uhh.. KNEW anything about the whole native american situation at all. Apparantly the tales of tom sawyer was one of a few classic american books that got a kids show in japan, so the thought process behind this was probably just “this was my first childhood impression of what america is like, i should give it an affectionate reference”.

Which is uh.. its the same reason we have Jynx. Seriously! “Little Black Sambo” was another “classic western franchise” that japanese kids read in the 50s and 60s. Taking it completely out of context like that, the racist stereotype design of the earliest illustrations became seen as an iconic cartoon character and the japanese audience had no idea of its origins in anything negative.

This is why i really hate that whole “its a classic, so you’re not allowed to complain about the racism”. like there’s a big ol fat difference between simply understanding that the racism is a product of its time, vs YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO BE SAD ABOUT IT. Teaching friggin “classics” in this atmosphere of out of context dancing-around-the-elephant-in-the-room is how we get situations like this where people who don’t already know the context can just pick up the racism accidentally. Also seriously if we even had the slightest fuckin warning or even ACTUALLY TAUGHT KIDS that the racism is bad and its only here because this is an old book, then maybe itd be less goddamn traumatizing for the actual non white kids in the damn class...

I can still remember how my high school did this with of Mice Of Men, regarding ableism. Like it was friggin HIGH SCHOOL, there’s less of an excuse of ‘oh we cant explain, its too complicated for kids’! (Which is dumb anyway cos kids not already knowing about racism is like THE BIGGEST REASON you should tell them the thing is wrong/take the thing out when you talk about the book, otherwise it just goes into their brain unquestioned) Anyway, if you didnt already know, Of Mice And Men is a story all about a Scary Developmentally Disabled Man who is Just Like A Big Adult Child and is Big Scary Murderer and Too Dangerous To Live and The Only Way For Him To Be Happy Is To Die and Everyone He Ever Loved Is Finally Free Of The Burden of Him And He Would Be Happy That They Can Finally Be Happy. Yeah. Its fucked up and I hate it and I hate that it was just taught unchallenged and unquestioned. I didnt know I was autistic until i was an adult and this sort of message was the only perspective i was ever being given on what mental disabilities were, which probably contributed a whole lot to why i never got diagnosed and why i was goddamn terrified when i did finally find out. I’m so fuckin glad that being autistic is just.. like.. exactly the same as how I fuckin think, instead of this ridiculous gross fatalistic stereotype. And I hate looking back on how i blindly believed it and how i was rude to other autistic kids cos i fuckin DIDNT KNOW I WAS ONE OF THEM and thought it was a goddamn death sentence i had to avoid by being Aggressively Neurotypical At All Times.

But yeah this was indeed a book made in an older time where autism hadnt even been properly investigated by medical science and didnt even have a name. And by the standards of the time it’s comparatively progressive, because the story does indeed say this mentally ill man isnt actually evil, he’s just ACCIDENTALLY dangerous, and you’re supposed to feel sad that he has to die. But that doesn’t mean its goddamn true, it doesnt mean it should be taught as true, and it doesnt mean its not harmful to real people with real disabilities who are very likely sitting right there in this classroom listening to this tripe. I’m not saying don’t read any “classics” in class, just itd be nice if the teacher remotely aknowledged the problematic shit instead of reading it out as-is and not discussing a single thing. Like seriously it could flesh out the curriculum quite a bit if you added some essays like “explain why this thing is bigoted and the cultural context as to why it happened”. Or even just a goddamn warning at the beginning of the lesson that this chapter is gonna contain emotionally harrowing stuff! And its not even like its JUST “classics” that do this, the book directly after this in that same year of highschool was a modern thing about “oooh the scary inner mind of an autistic”, full of loads of stereotypes and weirdass child abuse apologism cos ~oh the kid was such a burden~ :/

So yeah. That stuff. Its bad.

It can lead to super outdated horrible stereotypes getting reintroduced into the brains of kids who dont know any better, or in this case foreign audiences who arent familiar with the cultural context. So that’s why I don’t blame nintendo for making a random villain named after the really insensitive name of an old not-exactly-well-portrayed villain from a “classic”. Instead I blame the people in the west who act so flippant about racism/other bigotries as long as its “classic”, its our fault that we’re sending this impression out to other countries.

Also its super depressing imagining this dude is meant to be the ghost of a guy with the same backstory as that dude from tom sawyer, aka a half native american mixed race man who only turned evil because he was treated like shit by racist bastards. Seriously it sucks how unsympathetically and scarily ‘ol IJ is portrayed in tom sawyer, but i guess again its a ‘for its time it was ahead of the curve’ sort of thing. Still not good though. The only thing more not gooder than that is if after he died with no sympathy from anyone forever he also came back as a weird purple slime ghost and continued suffering for more centuries :(

:(

:(

Man i usually love learning development trivia about games but this was really one of those facts thats more of a cursed thing :(

Aaaand ending with a random piece of trivia his japanese name is Injaneno which is a goddamn pun on That Damned Name mixed with a stereotypical italian mafia speak version of “dontcha know”. Or, well, the japanese stereotype of what italian mafia speak sounds like in japanese. Apparantly hokkaido accent is their equivelant of the ‘this character is foreign’ accent! Like how texas accents are for america and literally-everywhere-except-england accents are for britain. Its such a dumb trope, isnt it? “How do we know this character isn’t from this country? Cos they speak a very specific local accent of this country.” Its just the dumb stereotype of certain accents being uncultured or stupid or whatever so its a shorthand for ‘not fluent in the language’ even though being not fluent in the language sounds entirely fuckin different.

So yeh. Facts. Some of them kinda cursed. Also even more reasons to cry for goddamn MIB slime man...

oh and also his slime form in japanese is just “Demon Injaneno” instead of “The Executor”. which is an added layer of pun thats just like ‘dontcha know’ with an even more heavy accent. So i’m glad they kept the idea of scary alien blobman doom agent having goofy cute puns, and the whole X obsession is a nice way of punning without all them layers of weirdness.

[vr2]

*turn around in shorts that say its time for my fuckin opinion on the ass* hey sweaty read to choke on my bns hot takes for uh lets see here uh ... t-two thousand words....

first of all... im pretty easily entertained so if u fail to do that its so like something has gone horribly wrong. i can enjoy pretty much anything halfway decent and i hate nitpicking on shit. but nitpicking implies small problems and sometimes the problem is the whole fucking thing. but man the direction bns has been going in is like. it really be like that, it really be just the most blatantly boring and uninspired it could go and here’s my fucking video essay that i will not do you the honour of being read aloud since the force of my opinion would crush your skull like a grape if spoken in the real world. 

first of all. i generally didnt have a problem with act1 bns story, i honestly thought it had some cool characters, some COOL as fuck cutscenes and as a person that loves lore juice a lot of the characters held a lot of promise and the diary was a fun read despite being the absolutely worst most stupid way to deliver any sort of lore content.

the circular narrative, the tight ending and the callback to all the characters was pretty well-rounded, a little but hammy but adopting the hongmoon kids nad becoming the master of your school was pretty novel. i really felt like there were so many new places to go with this dynamic, like bns could do something new by giving the mc more stakes in other characters rather than being a complete wildcard drifter.

but they keep doing this fucking thing were they repeat story themes in a way thats become incredibly unwelcome. i can understand why npcs would become recurring characters, why certain objects etc are still relevant but the fact that beat for beat the endgame again is divine mandate, mushins there, namsoyoo in danger and someone gets killed off for the sake of idk tragedy i guess. 

i think the worse thing is that the game tries to be tongue in cheek about its tropiness and normally id be like ok cool but the tropes are executed just so fucking blandly and soullessly its kind of insulting like. they really absolutely did not fucking try in the slightest for this one. not at fucking all. 

ryu saying ‘oh it would be so bad if you passed out form poison at an inconvenient time’ and the obvious death flags from bunah and bunyang are incredibly grating when you have absolutely no fucking stake in the story, know exactly whats coming cause the writing repeats itself over and over and know the exact same beats. 

at the very least most people can stand tropey anime, hell you can even ENJOY it if you are absorbed into the world and characters and the tropes are executed well. but this story is wholesale just same fucking shit slightly different npcs. it feels like they tries to manufacture drama in the most blatantly cheap way and it really lets itself down. i could honestly see them killing ONE of the kids for cheap and dirty tearjerking but man all of them leaving you alone again with jsy is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unebelievably lazy. we have entered asian tv drama levels but at least those are fucking interesting. even the dance number in this act was shit.

i think the most annoying thing is that bns is one of the first mmos i played way back when and i still genuinely like the game up to a point and i like the world and characters. im literally always moaning bout how they did fuck all with the eight masters but gave them the barest most tantalizing hints of interesting characterisation in the diaries. but i think that’s all you need. it doesnt need to be 24/7 ballz to the walls worldending tragedy shock tactics to be entertaining. it somehow feels like they played it so incredibly safe that they looped around and made the worst decision possible and i just really wish theyd hire just your random ass average fucking ln writer cause theyd at least make shit entertaining. like the long form story telling of a truple a game thats reaching nearly 10 acts now should definitely be better than this like. what a fucking way to drop the ball.  

now. my second bone to grind. tell me why they actively REMOVED? ALL SIDE QUESTS? what kind of game, especially an mmo would fucking remove its OWN lore? why would that make any fucking sense? especially for how lore-light this game is but how vast its world is like sidequests felt like the absolute BARE minimum way to furnish this admittedly underdeveloped world. they at least gave us that slight illusion of depth and some of them were even fun! interesting! i still remember the sidequest where you go on a ‘hostage rescue mission’ to save an npc’s son who was kidnapped by lycandi and the npc who fucking gave you the mission murders his own son in front of you cause he was bumpin with the lycandi like. it’s not fucking riveting writing but it gave some more context to the places you visit, it’s SOMETHING about the supposed people that inhabit the world and it clearly makes some places more memorable than just ‘cool sky desert’, ‘cool sky city’, ‘cool sky village’.

im vaguely aware that this was done cause it ‘confused players’ who thought they had to do blue quests to level up to endgame and firstable idk why bns pushes endgame as the only ‘good’ part when its like in my humble opinion really fucking boring. you know people play mmos for different reasons? not just to reach lvl 100 super tier omega hongmoon thornbuster breakre 5000 and be no.1 in pvp. just looking flashy and good combat isn’t really enough to compete these days. im guessing its a push to the esports scene but also like you really want to serve one side better by doing relateively arbitrary thing that fucks over pve ppl? like? 

also there ARE genuinely people interested in the world and content and story as exemplified by all the oc and various comics and even even some official webcomics like i honestly dont think nc at all in any way nurtures that side of their mmo nearly enough especially when you see how healthy and thriving ff14 and other communities are in their oc scene. the sheer fact that people still stuck around despite the experiene of playing bns being patently awfully optimised and an uphill battle in every single way is testament to the fact that maybe some people just genuinely like the game? gutting it is absolutely antithesis to that.

i actually cant wrap my head around purposefully deleting lore cause it makes ‘grinding to endgame’ too confusing like does the story take that low a priority? the fucking ACTUAL game and the story is less important than people mindlessly burning themselves out to endgame, grinding dungeons and buying lootboxes like you cant do in literally every other game anyways? why would you get rid of some of the only shit that makes your game even slightly different? like im not out here saying it was the most revolutionary great shit but at least the side quests TRIED to give a modicum of flavour to bns. like they at least attempted to add to all the zones and make them places rather than set pieces were story happens to you then you leave and never come back. it doesnt even have to be revolutionary amazing writing to do that it just needs to be serviceable to give even the slightest sense of depth.

but for some reason rather than idk. just tell people theyre just flavour text and theyre not compulsory or just toggle on/off the fucking blue quest markers you decide to fucking? nuke the already translated (which someone no doubt paid for), completely unintrusive, absolutely functional, if somewhat tedious sidequests? making the whole fucking game even MORE barren and lifeless? FOR FREE? what a fucking deal.

 i literally cannot understand this clownery this absolute idiot idea could only have been concocted by the specific brand of stupidity found only in corporate sales dept. but like i think its also emblematic of how this game has no creative direction other than make Money which is fucked cause theres genuinely many parts of this game that i enjoy from like characters, music, visuals theres A LOT of promise in bns even if it takes a lot of legwork to get to it. as much as people give htk shit he absolutely made this game what it is visually and thematically, the soundtrack fucking rocks, theres some solid characters and story elements, a lot of the game still holds up visually and som of it dare i say looks fucking good. give bns a try its free to play.

maybe ive just been spoiled by fgo and gbf and literally every other popular game ACTUALLY trying to write good shit. trying to give their readers lore, trying to make things genuinely ENJOYABLE as a game should be rather than a part time job. but man i always forget after act1 bns really reveals why its never broken out from being a midweight grindy mmo