#everybody collectively shrugged and laughed

[marlynnofmany]

You know how in stories where the heroes save the world from some magical apocalypse, a lot of the time the general public has no idea? They just go about their lives afterward, not even realizing how close they came to disaster, much less that there's someone to thank for that?

Picture how those heroes feel.

That's how the programmers who stopped the Y2K bug most likely feel.

Thanks for saving us, folks. I just heard the song "Party Like It's 1999", and thought of you.

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Let's Not Make This Complicated

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Reader x Kurt Wagner

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: unprotected sex, lots of hickeys, oral (f receiving), fingering, dp(vaginal), cockwarming kind of, creampie, everybody got dirty mouths, lots of pet names- I feel like I'm missing something but idk

Genre: hella fluff, hella smut

Summary: You Logan and Kurt are friends and Roommates, but it seems you're the only ones that see your relationship that way.

A/N: How did we get here? I don't have an answer- enjoy

***

You sigh to yourself as you slump further into the seat of your desk.

"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good." Kurt appears on your desk, shocking you slightly.

"I've told you 100 times not to teleport onto my desk Wagner!" You point at him.

"Force of habit." He shrugs. "What troubles you liebling?"

"Charles. Kind of. He wanted so badly for mutants to have a safe haven and trying to create one is- overwhelming. I hope every god in every pantheon curses William Task and that whole damn company."

"What you're doing is working fine! You put too much pressure on yourself." He frowns.

"I just- I can't help but wonder does it make sense to isolate them this way though? Mutants are not a secret anymore. Would they be better off intermingled with the rest of the world?" You sigh.

"I don't follow, do you expect kids who do not even understand themselves to introduce themselves to a world that also does not understand them? It's not the professor's school, but that's not what is needed. We meet the mutants, we bring here where they are protected and guide them until they can ride the bike on their own. Is like foster care. No?"

"Foster care?" You laugh.

"Bad comparison?" He tilts his head.

"It's a fine comparison KW it just made me laugh."

"Well that's better than the sound I heard when I got here." Kurt nods with satisfaction. A knock on the door frame of your office pulls both you and Kurt's attention to the entryway.

"Obligatory collection because you made me promise that you get away from here at least two nights a week. Oh hey Kurt, you're here tonight?" Logan leans against the frame with his arms crossed.

"With Jean." Kurt nods.

"So the residents are in at least one set of capable hands, you ready?" Logan looks at you.

"My to-do list never seems to end." You say.

"Which means it'll still be there in the morning, after you've gotten a good night's sleep." Logan walks over and practically yanks you out of your chair.

"Wait- Logan I just-"

"Nope. I don't wanna hear it." He shakes his head cutting you off.

"Should you be pulling her-"

"If I don't get her out of here now you know and I know she'll never leave on her own and I don't plan on sitting around the office an extra 3 hours while she pleads with me to do 'just one more thing' over and over again." Logan says to Kurt.

"Oh don't do that you make me sound like an incurable workaholic." You kiss your teeth at him as you grab your keys and bag.

"You are! I have to make sure you don't sleep here! You'd be screwed if you lived alone." Logan says.

"Disagree! Kurt would you let me stay here 24/7 if we didn't all share a place?"

"Of course not liebling I would take you home myself if need be but I don't believe Logan would leave you either even if we didn't all live together." Kurt winks.

"I would." Logan scoffs.

"Thank you Kurt. I'd better go before the big bad wolf tries to blow my house down. Good luck tonight, call if you need anything!"

"He'd better not, we all live there." Kurt smiles.

"Do not call her!" Logan warns as he pulls you out of the office.

"Why would you say that? What if they have an emergency?" You pout.

"Then they should call emergency services! Kurt and Jean are adults more than capable of handling an emergency without you. You are supposed to be off tonight. If you insist I make sure you leave work semi-regularly you have to leave work when I come all the way down here just to pick you up and you can't just be on call at home otherwise you'll never actually get any rest." Logan says opening the passenger door and guiding you into his car.

"You make a great mother hen you know." You quip.

"One of these days I'll just leave you to rot in that office chair of yours." He rolls his eyes as he slides in and shuts the door.

"Kurt wouldn't allow that." You stick your tongue out.

"So have Kurt be your overwork prevention monitor."

"Kurt's hardly at home! You didn't even know he was working tonight."

"Yeah so don't complain about how I do it." He says.

"Be honest, you'd feel some type of way if I started asking Kurt to take me home instead of you." You say.

"Oh no, please ask Kurt instead. I'm sure it's easier for him since he can teleport."

"Fine then, next time I'll just ask Kurt to take me."

"I'd love to see that." Logan scoffs.

"You will. As soon as I work another day shit. Don't bother coming to get me. I'm serious." You say matter-of-factly.

"If you say so." He hums. You let the conversation end there, enjoying the rest of the drive in silence ready to shower and head to bed for the night.

"Liebling!" Kurt comes strolling into your office quickly drawing your attention away from your email.

"Yes Kurt?" You ask.

"I think it's time for us to get outta here." He says.

"What time is it?"

"It's 9:30, and Henry and Storm are here to take over."

"Oh- did you tell them about the-"

"The new kids wreaking havoc? Yes they are prepared. Storm is- Storm she can more than handle them and Henry can handle the nice ones." Kurt shrugs. "Come now, shut down your computer, let's go home." Kurt walks over to you and spins your chair to face him. He leans forward, resting his hands on the armrests of the chair.

"Kurt-"

"Liebling, the kids here need you, yes but you can only be here for them if you're alive and preferably well-rested. Come home with me." Kurt says softly.

"What did I miss out on?" Logan's voice surprises you both. Kurt backs off and you turn your head towards the door.

"Logan? What are you doing here?" You ask.

"Coming to make sure you get home at a reasonable hour like I always do." He says.

"I told you Kurt was going to do that. Remember you whined about it last week so I said I'd have Kurt take care of it." You frown.

"I didn't think you were serious." He scoffs.

"What's the big deal? We all live together. As long as she gets home, who cares?" Kurt shrugs.

"Yeah Logan, what's the big deal?" You ask.

"There isn't one." Logan grits out.

"Then I will take her home and we'll meet you there." Kurt says.

"Man I drove all the way here, aren't you just going to teleport?"

"If it's such a hassle to drive home now you can always spend the night here Logan. You know where my room is." You suggest. Logan's eyes narrow and you briefly peak into his thoughts to see what those eyes are conveying.

What is she trying to get me out of the apartment?

"I am not!" You gasp.

"Not what?" Kurt frowns, looking between the two of you.

"Stay the fuck outta my head we've talked about that." Logan says.

"Everything with you is such a big secret." You say.

"And I'm allowed to keep whatever secrets I want."

"If you guys are going to continue this bickering may I suggest that you do it at home so we can all get out of here?" Kurt butts in.

"You can leave if you want Kurt." Logan says.

"Logan that was rude." You say. He takes in a deep breath.

"My bad Kurt."

"Ah no worries I'm more than familiar with your abrasive tendencies." Kurt shrugs.

"Well, since you drove all the way here already anyway Logan, can we all just ride home together?"

"Yeah. Fine." Logan says. Kurt grabs your bag before you can get to it, and the three of you leave your office. Back at your apartment, you quickly leave the boys to go take a shower.

"Kurt man what's going on with you and y/n?" Logan asks Kurt once you're safely out of earshot.

"What's going on with me and y/n? What's going on with you and y/n? You clearly did not like me bringing her home. Trouble in paradise?"

"Don't do that."

"I don't understand if you like her so much why you do nothing."

"It's complicated, we all live together."

"Do not factor me into this equation." He shakes his head.

"You act as if you like her more than I do, it's hard not to factor you in."

"Are you threatened?"

"Excuse me?"

"By the idea that I may also like her? Does it bother you?"

"Do you like her?"

"I didn't say I do."

"That's why I'm asking. Do you?"

"Would it matter?"

"What is your goal Kurt?"

"I'm not your enemy Logan. You don't have to glare at me as though you wish to blow me up where I stand."

"You won't answer my question."

"I won't try to get in your way." Kurt shrugs.

"You won't- so you do like her too? We can't fight over our roommate Kurt."

"Who said anything about fighting? I just said I wouldn't get in your way."

"Kurt be realistic, you can't help yourself. You call her liebling and carry her bag for her and flirt like it's breathing- you're impossible not to like. The moment she catches on she'll obviously want you."

"You underestimate your own rugged charm. The grumpy but caring thing seems to work well for you. Especially with her, she clearly likes you despite your callousness."

"If it's between the two of us-"

"The choice is hers, if we insist on her making one." Kurt shrugs.

"What're we making?" You ask. How long were you standing there? How much did you hear? Why did neither of them notice you coming down the hall.

"Nothing." Logan says.

Oh Logan- this secrecy only hurts you. Why not tell her the truth?

"But Kurt said-"

"It's nothing." Logan says. "I'm going to bed. You should too." He grumbles going into his room and shutting the door behind him.

"What truth won't Logan tell me?" You ask Kurt.

"Do not ask me that liebling, you know I cannot lie to you but it would be a betrayal of Logan's trust to answer."

"I'm sorry Kurt- you're right. Have a goodnight, I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight Logan!" With that, you go back to your room with your unanswered questions.

A knock at your office door interrupts your conversation with Kurt and Logan while you all eat lunch. It's not often you're all here at the same time but when you do these little lunches in your office are a staple. In fact, even when they aren't both here if one of them is they'll find you around lunchtime and that's usually how you know it's time to eat.

"Come in!" You call not really wanting to get up from your desk.

"Hey Y/n."

"Oh Hey Storm."

"Am I interrupting?"

"Of course not! Boys, leave please so I can talk to Storm." You say.

"Discarded like yesterday's newpaper. How she wounds us." Logan says dramatically.

"Oh hush if I wanted to discard you I'd move." You roll your eyes.

"But you won't liebling, right?" Kurt asks.

"Move? If you two don't take the theatrics out of my office I just might."

"Logan!" Kurt looks at him.

"There there Kurt- she's only teasing. She wants to hurt us."

"I want to have privacy for a chat with Storm please." You say. "Logan I love that you're in such high spirits today let's use that energy well, go find a group of our kids and teach a lesson or something just scram, the both of you."

"You do not have to tell us twice." Kurt says.

"I've already told you more than once." You say. Logan and Kurt throw their hands up in surrender and leave your office finally, shutting the door behind them. "You would think they were mentees here not authority figures." You shake your head with a sigh.

"What's up with the boyfriends today?"

"Whay boyfriends?"

"Logan and Kurt. Why they being so dramatic?"

"Logan and Kurt are not my boyfriends."

"Logan and Kurt are absolutely your boyfriends."

"Okay where did you get that nutty theory?"

"Because whenever they're here they're always around you, and if they're not around you they're usually talking about you, they take turns bringing you lunch, and Kurt calls you liebling, and Logan sometimes sleeps in your room here and they;re always at your beck and call- and also- whatever that just was before they left you can't convince that wasn't the dramatics of a pair of boyfriends that like to annoy their girlfriend."

"Kurt, Logan, and I are friends. You know this Storm. We live together so our dynamic is- a bit unconventional I'll admit, but they aren't my boyfriends."

"So you live with them, they obsess over you, take turns doing literally anything you ask for you, and act like the world is ending if they don't have your attention. All that together sounds like a boyfriend to me so I guess the real question should by why aren't they your boyfriends?"

"Logan and Kurt are not interested in being my boyfriends." You roll your eyes.

"Did you ask them?"

"Why would I?"

"Because they act like your boyfriends?"

"Storm-"

"You didn't say you don't want them to be your boyfriends."

"That doesn't-"

"Do you want them to be your boyfriends?"

"I didn't say that!"

"But you didn't say no either."

"It's a nonissue! My answer to that is irrelevant because this is a hypothetical that would never come true."

"Those men are you boyfriends in every way except name. Just kiss them both and make it official."

"You are insane!"

"Maybe but I'm also right. They already treat you like you're their whole world. Sign seal and deliver that shit already put us all out of the misery of watching those two fools follow you around like abandoned lovesick puppies."

"Why abandoned?!"

"Because you don't seem to notice they worship the ground you walk on? And besides if you give them the titles we all know the following won't stop but at least they'll get to crack you like a glowstick every so often."

"Girl!"

"What? I'm sure they're great at it." She shrugs.

"You're impossible."

"Insane, impossible, but still correct. Button it up darling. Face facts they're in love with you. If you're not interested nip it already, but if you are interested- tell them- so everyone can stop pretending you guys aren't already functionally in a throuple." Storm says.

"Okay that's enough about that aspect of my personal life please." You huff.

"Fine, but I expect you to handle that situation quickly."

"Storm."

"Okay. All done." She throws her hands up.

"Thank you." You sigh. That seems to be the end of it with Storm, although you continue thinking about it for the rest of the day. It's in the back of your head for the next couple of days actually, so the next time you're all at home you decide you need to put this to bed, now.

"Hey guys, you got a minute?" You ask when you catch them in the living room together.

"Sure we're just watching tv." Kurt says. You take a seat on the coffee table, facing the two men.

"So, I had a conversation with Storm recently and she- kind of implied- well no not implied she said it pretty explicitly actually- Storm seems convinced that you two have feelings for me." You say.

"What?" Logan scoffs. Kurt's gaze is watchful, darting between you and Logan.

"In fact Storm made it sound like it's such an obvious thing that everyone but me knows you two are in love with me."

"And do you believe her?" Logan asks. The question comes out far more assured than Logan feels asking it.

"I- believe that she believes it. And that's... something. Not sure quite what yet but it's something." You say.

"So- is something wrong? Did Storm upset you?" Kurt frowns.

"Well- no I just wanna know if I'm missing some big neon sign above our heads that everyone else can see. Are th- are the two of you in love with me?" Your gaze snaps back and forth between the two men. They glance at each other and you're sure there's something unspoken being discussed.

"Of course we love you y/n." Logan says.

"Are you playing a semantics game with me? I know you love me I asked if you were in love with me. Different thing." You say. Kurt glances at Logan briefly.

"I am. I won't speak for Logan but Storm is correct in saying that I am in love with you." Kurt confessess with a shrug. Logan looks at him in something akin to shock.

"Logan? Now would be a good time to tell me Storm's crazy." You say.

"I can't." He shakes his head.

"Why not?"

"Because she's right. We're both in love with you." Logan says.

"And neither of you were going to say anything?"

"We didn't want to comlicate things what with the whole living together, plus asking you to pick between us seemed like a recipe for disaster." He explains.

"You'd have me choose between you?" You ask.

"No. That's why we never brought it up."

"Everyone seems to think you're both my boyfriends."

"What?" Kurt blinks.

"According to Storm we are functionally a throuple."

"What the fuck is a throuple?" Logan asks.

"Three plus couple equals throuple." You explain.

"Do we really behave like that?" Kurt frowns.

"Storm's 'evidence' to support the claim consists of you guys constantly being around me, us regularly eating lunch, and the fact that you take turns making sure I don't work too hard. So I guess it depends on how much of that feels romantic to you. But given that you guys do in fact have feelings for me, I guess it is."

"So what happens now?" Kurt asks.

"We're not making you choose between us." Logan says.

"I know, I know. But- we can't just go on like we didn't have this conversation." You say.

"So what do you suggest? Because I'm not willing to lose you, either of you over this." Logan says.

"Okay well don't make it sound like somebody's dying sheesh." You say.

"If- according to Storm we appear to the world as a throuple do we have to change anything outwardly? We could just- officially be a throuple. Right? That's an option." Kurt says.

"What would that even look like?" Logan frowns.

"I assume not very different from how we already act- except now we get to kiss." Kurt shrugs.

"Y/n?" Logan looks at you.

"Yes?"

"How do you feel about- being a throuple?" He asks.

"I can't think of enough cons to protest the idea so- I guess I like the idea if that's what you boys want." You say.

"You can think of cons?" Kurt frowns.

"Just that some people may react unsavorily to it but that's really more their problem than ours." You shrug. "So- Kurt, Logan, will you guys be my boyfriends?" You smile.

"I'd be honored." Kurt says.

"Will you  be our girlfriend?" Logan asks.

"Yes I will." You nod. Logan pulls you off the coffee table and onto his lap, kissing you. When he pulls away from the kiss Kurt turns your attention to him, kissing you too. You shift a bit in Logan's lap and his hands snap up to your hips as he groans. The sound makes you pull back from Kurt with an inquisitive look.

"You can't move like that babygirl I... only have so much self control." Logan says hoarsly.

"I don't need you to have self control ya know. Not with me anyway." You shrug.

"Don't say that- you'll get more than you bargained for."

"Or, I'll get exactly what I bargained for." You grind against Logan's crotch.

"You know princess, it would be easier to just say you want us to have our way with you." Kurt says kissing your neck.

"Would that get Logan to stop trying to be a gentleman for once?" You sigh melting against Kurt's touch.

"He would never deny you a direct request like that, he couldn't."

"Logan, would you quit being all rigid if I outright asked me to fuck me?" You pout at him, trailing a hand over his chest.

"Isn't it- a bit soon to be... ah thinking about that?"

"Are you telling me you haven't wanted to rail me for months? All that pining hasn't made you even a little pent up?" You ask.

"I certainly can't say that." Kurt says between kisses and nips at your throat.

"That's not what I'm saying at all I just- I respect you too much to skip ahead to-"

"Logan. I'm asking you to. Can you respect me enough to know what I want?"

"Of course."

"Well right now I want you and Kurt to, how'd you put it baby?" You turn to Kurt.

"Have our way with you." He smiles wolfishly.

"Sure, that." You drawl. "Come on Logan, have your way with me."

"We've been dating five minutes and you're trying to kill us already." Logan groans kissing you. You feel Kurt's tail wind around your waist, as he continues to litter your throat with kisses and hickeys. When you let out a moan, Logan slips his tongue between your parted lips. You don't realize it until you finally pull away from Logan to breathe, but Kurt at some point teleports the three of you to his bedroom. Kurt pulls your shirt over your head and both men react audibly.

"Son of a bitch." Logan groans.

"Christ almighty." Kurt sighs.

"It's a lot more fun to touch than just look ya know." You giggle sliding off of Logan's lap to sit between them.

"You are so beautiful liebling." Kurt says giving you a kiss.

"Thank you darling." You hum.

"You know princess, I've been absolutely dying to taste you." Logan says kissing along your throat, sucking hickeys to match the ones Kurt's already scattered across your skin.

"Have you now?" You moan.

"More than anything." Logan mutters.

"Well let's make that happen for him liebling." Kurt says grabbing your body. He shifts so you're sitting between his legs with yours spread out, near the edge of the bed so Logan can comfortably fit. "Oh shoot, we'll need to get rid of her shorts." Kurt tsks.

"That I can take care of." Logan smirks. He extends his claws and shreds your shorts and panties at the same time.

"Hey I liked those shorts." You frown.

"I'll buy you a replacement pair. Hell I'll buy you one in every color if you want princess." Logan says.

"You know Logan, you can't eat and talk." Kurt hums. He trails his hands up your sides to grasp your tits. "Weren't you just saying you're dying to taste her?"

Logan licks a slow stripe between your folds that causes you to let out a shuddering breath.

"Even better than I could've dreamed." He mutters before burying his face between your thighs. Logan laps eagerly at your center, loudly slurping as he practically devours you. Kurt wraps his tail around your center when you squrim.

"Hold still liebling, Logan's trying to enjoy your pretty pussy." Kurt says. You moan, grinding against Logan's mouth. His tongue is fierce against you and on top of that Kurt is teasing your nipples between firm fingers.

"Oh god." You sigh tipping your head back against Kurt's shoulder.

"No liebling, we're not god. Of course, we could always help you see him." Kurt says. Logan wraps his lips around your clit, making you jerk as you let out a yelp. It's intense and almost overwhelming, and with Kurt toying with your nipples too you can feel your orgasm approaching quickly.

"Fuck I'm close- Logan please don't stop." You whine.

"That's it pretty girl, let go for us." Kurt says. Your belly tightens and your release hits with a whimper.

"Damn you're absolutely gorgeous when you cum." Logan sighs.

"Now you guys are trying to kill me." You joke.

"Kurt you've gotta see it for yourself man." Logan says.

"I can't be the only one naked here." You say prompting Logan and Kurt to shuffle out of their clothes quickly. You push Kurt onto his back and straddle him, taking a moment to drag your hands across his chest. "God you two are hot." You sigh, letting your eyes roam over Logan's body.

"You're one to talk dollface." Logan winks at you. "Although I can't say I mind the ogling going on here."

"Well when you look as good as you do." You smirk. You raise yourself up and wrap your hand around Kurt's dick, carefully sliding yourself onto him with a moan. Kurt grunts as you settle over him.

"She feel good Kurt?" Logan asks.

"Very."

"It's written all over your face babes." Logan chuckles.

"Oh please if it was you in my position you wouldn't be laughing like that." Kurt rolls his eyes but there's a playful tone to his voice.

"I'm sure we can test that theory." Logan says.

"I can see an idea in your eyes." Kurt says.

"Well, I was just thinking, who says we have to wait to find out? What do you say princess? Think you could take us both at once?" Logan gently trails his fingers down your back.

"Oh-" the idea has breathless just considering it.

"You don't have to of course-"

"Don't bother. You wouldn't believe how tightly she just clenched around me at the idea." Kurt cuts Logan off before he can finish offering you an out.

"Did she now? Well I gotta hear her say it. Tell me princess, do you wanna be stuffed with two cocks at once?" Logan asks.

"Please." You whisper, shift on top of Kurt and the movement makes him groan.

"Lean foward for me then." Logan says softly, gently urging you towards Kurt. You can sense Logan's hand near you, but he doesn't start by touching you, his fingers first drag over the base of Kurt's dick.

"Hey! You're supposed to be prepping her for this, not me." Kurt jerks up, thrusting into you and making you moan.

"Who says I can't do both?" Logan muses. You can't see him but you can practically hear the smirk on his lips.

"Well if you want me to last long enough for you to shove your dick in with mine I suggest you focus those fingers on her, not me." Kurt grits out.

"Fine, fine." Logan cedes. He carefully slides a finger into your pussy, it's a tight fit but after a bit of thrusting he's able to squeeze a second and a third, by which point you're practically quivering with all the sensation. Logan stretches you on his fingers for several minutes before eventually pulling the digits from you. "I think that's enough prep. Now, I'm gonna need you to take a deep breath for me princess." Logan says as he lines himself up with your entrance. You breathe in shakily and then slowly, ever so slowly, Logan begins to push himself into your pussy. It's a lot, so much, almost too much, and you whimper with every inch Logan slide into you. Your eyes are squeezed shut and you're nails are digging into Kurt's shoulders by the time Logan's fully seated in you.

"Liebling? Open your eyes for me sweetheart." Kurt coos gently, stroking your face. It takes a moment but eventually you manage to pry your eyes open. "Are you alright?" He asks.

"S-s-s-sssoo f-ff-full." You whine.

"Too much?" Kurt asks, panting a bit himself. You imagine the feel of Logan rubbing up against him wasn't exactly pleasureless.

"N-no, j-j-j-just move, please." You choke out.

"We'll start slow." Logan promises as he starts to rock his hips. It takes them a moment to sort out a rhythm that works for them but soon they're both sliding in and out of you in sync, it's slow and each drag of their dicks feels like it's tearing you apart in the best possible ways as you're reduced to nothing but shaky moans, loud whines, and barely coherent pleading. Eventually, slow and gentle gradually grows in intensity until it's fast enough to have you screaming as your orgasm hits you with a force that completely blindsides you. The spasming of your walls around them has Logan and Kurt grunting and groaning as they chase their own releases and it doesn't take much longer for them to follow you over the edge. None of you move for several minutes, desperately trying to catch your breaths.

"How's that for having our way with you?" Logan eventually breaks the silence making you and Kurt giggle.

"Funny, earlier you said I was trying to kill you. That? That was attempted murder right there." You joke back.

"We should get you cleaned up." Kurt says kissing your forehead.

"No way. I can't move." You groan and both of them laugh.

"We've got you princess don't worry." Logan says.

"You were right about her face when she orgasms by the way Logan, absolutely gorgeous. But so is yours." Kurt winks.

"You don't look too bad either." Logan quips back. "Gonna pull out now baby, alright?" Logan warns you before carefully pulling out of you. You whine as he does, both from the sudden change and from the way you feel the combination of his, Kurt's, and your releases start to ooze out of you upon his exit.

"Fuck me." He groans.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asks him with a frown.

"Yeah, hang on, don't move." Logan quickly grabs something off the night stand but it's not until you hear the sound of a camera shutter that you deduce it's someone's phone. Probably Kurt's. "She's leaking cum like like a waterfall and fuck if it isn't making me wanna stuff her full all over again." He explains.

"We clean her up and let her get some rest first, then we can discuss that possibility." Kurt says. Logan and Kurt carefully lift you off of Kurt, and Logan carries you to the bathroom where both of them clean you up and then themselves. Once most of the evidence of your sexcapades is gone Logan carries you to your room where they sandwich you in bed, putting on a movie and holding you close as you snuggle between them. It's funny, you'd never really thought about it before but in hindsight, now that it's official, you kind of guess you've been their girlfriend for a lot longer than today. And honestly, you're perfectly fine with that.

***

[myhappylittlesideblog]

See You When You Get Back

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Shane's a big jerk in this

Summary: Checking in with those going on a supply run creates some drama within the crew. (Season 1 ish)

A/N: My first Daryl piece! Needed some soft Daryl in my life lol. I haven't finished the show yet, currently in the middle of S.6 and it's been a long time since I watched season 1&2, so sorry for any inaccuracies.

Runs weren’t your thing. Not right now. Maybe in a few months you’d be able to stomach it- going out amidst walkers and even more twisted survivors to find food. And toothpaste. God, you needed toothpaste. But even with the protectors of the group on your side, watching your back, you knew you wouldn’t make it back to camp. Not right now. Maybe someday. 

Everybody was clear on that. The “not right now.” So those going out on the supply run would check in with you, ask if you needed anything special and then leave you be to do their laundry or clean the little dishware you had all collected.

They collected. The ones who could collect things- those going on the runs. You just cleaned. For now. 

“Hey.” It sounded more like a grunt than a word. 

Daryl pulled you from your thoughts. Like a hand dipping into the waves to yank you up into the clear air to breathe. 

“Need anythin'?” He asked once you looked at him. 

You smiled. A lips pressed together - thanks for thinking of me - smile. 

“The usual. Diamonds, meth, whatever you can find.”

He snorted, rolling his eyes. 

“And toothpaste if you can find it. But I let Andrea know that.”

He gave a curt nod. “Kay.” 

“See you when you get back,” you said to him. 

A laughing hiss came from behind you. “Damn, girl, tell 'im how you really feel.”

Shane stood behind you. Snarky. Smirking. Shaking his head. 

Though Rick was the one who found you on his way out of the hospital, it was Shane who let you join the group. At least, that’s how he saw it. You were grateful to him, he protected you, provided for you like he did the others. When you had no place to stay and no tent of your own, he let you share his. It was a generous gesture that was starting to come back to bite you each time Shane acted like he had a say in everything you did. Even more than the others in the group, that is. 

“What?” you said. 

His fingers dug into the belt loops in his jeans as he leaned to one hip. “Everybody else gets a pat on the shoulder or a hug. 'Be safe, keep safe,’” he said, imitating a whiny voice that wasn't quite yours. He shrugged. “Guess she couldn’t care less ‘bout you, Dixon.”

You heard the distinct click and jangle of Daryl putting his crossbow over his shoulder, ready to move out. Your jaw clenched at the thought of him leaving with Shane’s words in his head. 

“Why would you even say somethin' like that?” You shot at Shane. “I would never-“

“Ya don’ haf’ta explain yerself,” Daryl mumbled to you. 

“What was that?” Shane called. 

“I said she doesn’ haf’ta explain herself to you,” Daryl said, taking a step toward you, but angling himself toward Shane. Ready. 

“I think I know her better than you do, Dixon,” Shane said. “We share a goddamn tent-“

“You-“

“If you think,” you interrupted both of them, “that I’d say such a thing about any one of us, then you don’t know me at all. But Daryl’s right. I don’t have to explain anything to you.”

Shane’s eyes went narrow. He crossed the open space between you, the span of two tents, in just a few long strides. You felt Daryl stiffen at your side as Shane stuck his face near yours. 

“You be careful who you align yourself with, (Y/N). If I were you-“

“Yer not.” Daryl said. 

Shane didn’t take his eyes off you. “If I were you, I’d choose better than a redneck with a few arrows.”

Even with his harsh words, his gaze softened toward you. Then he turned away and made his way back to his tent. 

Once he disappeared, you sighed, hoping the tension in your chest would dissipate with the air, but it didn’t. 

“Dick,” Daryl mumbled. 

A dry chuckle left you as you turned to him. His cheeks were pink with anger but his face was calm now. 

“Daryl, when I said- I just meant that-“

“I know what ya mean when ya say it.” His arm snaked around your neck, pulling you into him. Fast, hard, and unexpected. “I’ll see ya when I get back.”

He spoke into your hair. You felt his lips and breath move against your skin. And then he let go, gone as fast as he appeared, and you watched him saunter toward the rest of the group going on the run, his crossbow fit to his back. 

-------------------------------

A/N: A part two may come! I can't just leave you in a tent with Shane after all that, can I?

[disneyprincemuke]

never grow up * fem!driver

a collection of stories of when she first started out in the paddocks to the end of the season

pairings: sebastian vettel x fem!driver

word count: 4.7k

notes: hey i started this last tuesday and jusT finished it because i had the longest week known to mankind LMFAO

(series masterlist)

pre-season testing, 2023

sebastian is almost knocked back at the sudden presence of another in what he assumed was going to be an empty garage.

test session wasn’t for another couple of hours. but there, at the far end of the garage’s exit towards the pit, sat the driver. she sits on the floor, slouched over as her legs are crossed over one another.

“you’re early!”

“i couldn’t sleep,” she answers almost immediately. she turns her head to get a glance at sebastian. she gives him a small smile before turning away again to face the empty pit and grandstands. “i figured i should just sit here and take it all in.”

he smiles, closing the door behind him. he manoeuvres in and stops right next to her. he puts his hands on his hips. “i know, right? i didn’t sleep well days leading up to my rookie year either.”

she turns her head and furrows her eyebrows. “i didn’t think someone like you got nervous.”

“oh, i was terrified,” he laughs, finally bending down and dropping himself on the concrete floor next to her. “but i can only imagine the nerves, especially in your circumstance.”

“yeah, a woman in formula 1.” when he turns to look at her, she’s fiddling around with her thumbs. “first of its kind in decades.”

she laughs dryly before leaning back, resting her hands against the gravel. years ago, following her friends into formula 3 seemed like the biggest feat. then eventually, prema took a chance on her and threw her into formula 2 with the big guys.

even then, racing on the track and sharing the paddocks with bigger names like max verstappen and fernando alonso, formula 1 still seemed so far away. with good reason too, considering that her promotion announcement had been torn apart and overanalysed by the media.

everything, from mid december to early february, everyone had been tearing her apart.

but sebastian has been watching her since she started racing in f3 in place of oscar, after moving up to f2. she’s a joy to watch on the track.

and while he’s put away his years of being a villain to the public eye, he lives to prove everyone wrong. his first year as a race engineer, and then to have a woman as his driver? he would love to see it.

he is confident in the way she holds herself behind the wheel of a race car. there’s no doubt she’s a world champion in the making.

“no,” sebastian wags a finger in the air, “you’re a driver in formula 1. everyone in this garage — in the factory — supports you. we wouldn’t have put everything in developing the car for you if we didn’t think you’d be out here wrecking everybody.”

she sighs with a shrug. “i guess.”

he pats her firmly on the shoulder. “i’ll be here every step of the way, kid.”

bahrain, 2023

sebastian feels a presence looming over him as he scans the car with the andretti's engineers. he turns around with an eyebrow raised, locking eyes with the younger girl staring up at him with wide innocent eyes and a hopeful grin. a small smile stretches on his face as he straightens his back. “hi!”

“hi.” she glances away momentarily and licks her lips. she meets his eyes again with a soft sigh and a slightly wider grin. she hums as she sways, fingertips tapping against one another. “i have an interview.”

he nods hesitantly, raising an eyebrow. “alright.”

“okay.”

sebastian watches her curiously, not moving away from her position in front of him. she hugs she can on pepsi against her stomach as her eyes dart all over the garage. “is everything okay?”

“of course!” she answers almost too fast. she perks up with a smile and curious eyes. “i have a favour to ask.”

“anything, kid. what is it?”

she takes a deep breath and breathes out slowly. she looks away momentarily again and huffs. “well, you see… people keep staring at me when i’m walking around. it’s kinda… scary. they scare me.”

“okay? are they saying anything to you? who is it? give me names.”

“they’re not! but i can feel them whisper as i pass by — that’s never a good sign.”

“i’m sure they’re not gossiping about you, kid.”

“yeah, but, you know? i don’t like the possibility that they might be doing just that. and sometimes they point.”

sebastian smiles, slowly realising what she’s getting at. “do you want me to come with you?”

she hums, scrunching her nose and pressing her lips together. “do i? want you to come with me? what a bother!”

he shrugs, slowly walking away from her. “that’s okay, i was just offering. i’ll just see you–“

“yes! yes, seb! please, please,” she whines, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the exit to the paddocks. “please come with me. i’m scared, i’m nervous, and oscar and logan are missing.”

he laughs, throwing his clipboard onto the table. “okay, let’s go. i’ll show you the best spots, kid.”

saudi arabia, 2023

she stares with wide eyes as she tries to process the question in her head. it’s the first of its kind, to be asked something like that. it echoes in her head like some of record player, unsure how she’s supposed to answer that question.

“do you think you’ll last longer than a couple of races like the last woman in formula 1?”

are they waiting for her to slip up and bring another woman down? a woman that’s basically urged her to even start racing in the first place?

is she supposed to say something that they could twist to make it sound like she’s against other women making it to where she is now? she’s just not sure. who even thinks of that question?

“is that question really appropriate?” sebastian steps forward with a hand on her back. “did you really sit there, watching this brilliant young woman walk towards you, and think that that’s an appropriate question to ask?”

“no, like i mean–“

“she will no longer be doing interviews with you. i don’t give a fuck who you work for,” sebastian mutters, slowly whisking the shocked girl away, shielding her away from the cameras.

she stays planted on the ground, head turning to follow sebastian slowly walking away. “no, it’s okay, really. i was just a little taken aback by the question.”

“no, this interview is over.”

sebastian shoots the reporter one last look before successfully whisking the young driver away from the cameras. “you don’t have to answer every question, you know?”

“it’s rude if i don’t,” she sighs, shaking her head. “i have to answer. what if they start thinking i’m a snob?”

“why is their problem if you’re a snob? if they ask you stupid questions, they can’t keep expecting sane answers,” sebastian scoffs. “write your narrative, don’t let them dictate and twist your answers.”

azerbajian, 2023

“seb,” she cries, nuzzling into his side as the marshals escort her. she has tears in her eyes as she approaches him by the medical building, finally pulling her hair back as sebastian takes her into his arms. “i’m sorry.”

“no,” he hums, rubbing her arm gently. “the important thing is that you’re okay, kid. don’t think about the crash at all.”

she shakes her head against his chest, finally letting out a soft sob. “but it’s so unlike me to crash. i’ve been racing for years!”

“these things happen.” he cranes his neck and pulls away slightly to glance at her face. she’s all red with tears streaming down her face, hiding her face away from curious race attendees. “you know what we should do?”

she mutters a soft ‘what’, rubbing her nose roughly as she glances up at him with sad eyes. he’s only gotten to know her better recently in light of him taking her under his wing, but it’s a very different energy when she’s like this. it’s not something he wants to get used to.

“i’ll walk you to the med bay, and then i’ll go and get you some ice cream. does that sound good?”

she shakes her head and sighs, letting sebastian wrap a protective arm around her as they walk. “i don’t want ice cream.”

sebastian gasps softly, flashing her a bewildered stare. “what? you don’t what?”

she sniffles. “i don’t feel like eating ice cream.”

“oh, come on,” he giggles, squeezing her cheek very lightly. “i’ll get you extra marshmallows and even add sprinkles in.”

she looks at him from the corners of her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips at his suggestion. “really? and extra chocolate syrup? just this once?”

sebastian nods with a smile. he moves over to her other side when he sees a camera approaching them, waving a hand in the air to shoo them away. “i’ll even let you eat a whole pint.”

australia, 2023

sebastian trails behind her, juggling between his phone and her helmet in her hands. he watches with a proud smile as she is stopped by a reporter.

“what does it feel like to be the first woman to score in formula 1 after years of the drought?”

she giggles giddily, stopping to answer a question. “hi! um, yes, it feels amazing to be the one to do it. it’s not a lot of points, but it really means a lot to me.”

“of course. do you think you can maintain this performance throughout your rookie season? what are some challenges you think you may face in the year to come?”

her eyes widen at the several questions for her. it feels just like they haven’t had any serious questions regarding the race for her since she started the year. sometimes they do, but it’s never really anything good that would reflect on her.

she looks over her shoulder, meeting sebastian’s eyes, as she smiles at him widely, as if to ask him ‘do you hear these legitimate questions they’re asking me?’. sebastian only gives her a warm smile in return with a thumbs-up.

she turns away and tries to come up with a proper answer to the question. “i think with sebastian’s help, it’s definitely made the transition a lot easier. hopefully i can stay consistent in the races to come. and my biggest challenge? definitely trying to catch up to max.”

they share a laugh. she turns around momentarily, looking at sebastian for approval of what she’s just rambled on about. sebastian gives her another smile and a nod, making a gesture to turn her back around.

“well, i think that’s everyone’s biggest challenge thus far into the season. thank you for your time today and good luck.”

miami, 2023

she holds the phone against her ear, temple laying against the window to stare at the paddocks. “where are you?”

“what do you mean?” sebastian’s voice comes through her phone, making her raise an eyebrow. “i don’t start as early as you today.”

“what? i’m supposed to walk into the paddocks by myself?” she shrieks, lifting her head. she looks around outside the car, watching the several people walking in and out.

“yes? aren’t you with oscar and logan?”

she tears her eyes away and turns to the other two men inside with her. “i don’t trust either of these idiots to not embarrass me walking in!”

logan throws his arms in the air, turning to her from the driver’s seat. his arm pokes between the two front seats, reaching to the back to try and hit her. she scowls and smacks his hand away, scowering away into the far corner from logan.

“you will be okay, kid. would you rather you walk in by yourself?”

she lets a moment pass. “okay. you got me there.” she sighs and rolls her eyes. “fine.”

monaco, 2023

“i’ve got an interview!”

he sees a shadow pass through the bottom of the car, prompting sebastian to jump up. the girl is already halfway towards the large exit that leads to the pitstop with a lollipop in hand. “coming!”

“it’s okay!” she holds her hands up in front of sebastian, grinning as he comes to a stop about three steps from the car.

sebastian tilts his head and frowns slightly. “what?”

“yeah, it’s a rookie interview. i got my bodyguards with me again today!”

he raises his eyebrows with an impressed grin. “oh! you’ll be okay without me?”

“yeah!”

as if on cue, two men — one in orange and on in blue — pulls up to the garage. “let’s go, loser!”

“okay,” sebastian laughs, greeting the two with a smile. he pats his driver on the back. “be back in one piece. i’ll see you later.”

“absolutely,” she grins. she runs around the car, throwing her arms around him and squeezing him. “you got my pepsi in the freezer?”

“i got 2 of them in the freezer just for you kid,” sebastian whispers, squeezing her back. he presses a kiss to the top of her head and waves as she starts walking away. “be safe!”

canada, 2023

“you don’t possibly need me just to get a cup of coffee downstairs, do you?” sebastian sighs. despite his complaint, he still follows the young driver down the stairs of the andretti racing home to get a drink.

and it’s been one their routines every race weekend: getting coffee together after their daily team meeting in his office. it’s endearing, really, how much she relies on him every weekend when she feels that the paddocks have their eyes glued to her too much.

“do you not like spending time with me anymore, seb?” she jokes, looking over her shoulder to tease him. “you can just say so.”

he laughs in bouts of sarcastic ‘haha’s and scowls at her slightly. “that’s not what i mean. half the season has come and gone — shouldn’t you be more comfortable roaming by yourself?”

“i guess,” she shrugs. “i just feel like being with you today!”

he pouts his bottom lip out and presses a hand against his chest. “oh, thank you. how thoughtful.”

sebastian stops in the kitchen of the office, grabbing the two custom andretti mugs with their names on the handle. his cup’s got her name and autograph, and hers with his. he extends his hand to her. “you know how i like my coffee, kid.”

“of course! i’m like your personal barista.”

austria, 2023

sebastian pushes the door open with a soft knock. “kid, are you better?”

“no! go away!” she shrieks, chucking a small pillow towards the door. “where are my meds? is logan seriously not back with them yet?”

he puts his hands in the air to surrender. “he’s trying to get here as quick as possible. are the cramps still bad?”

suddenly he feels like he wants to crawl into a random hole and stay there — the glare she is giving him simply made him wish that he never bothered to open his mouth.

“i don’t know. you tell me at the state you see me in,” she growls, eyebrows furrowed. “like–“

she whines again, clutching herself as she curls herself into a smaller ball on her beanbag. she closes her eyes and nuzzles her face into the stuffed koala with a soft cry.

“kid,” sebastian sighs, scratching his head. it sucks seeing anybody like that. “is there anything i can do to help? logan should be here any minute.”

“i want pepsi! freezing pepsi! like, with small bits of frozen pepsi in it — that’s how cold i want it.”

he hums. “i thought you shouldn’t be drinking cold drinks on your period?”

“you asked me how to help! i want pepsi! my frozen can of pepsi!”

he scrambles to run out of the room. “okay! i’ll get it from the fridge!”

silverstone, 2023

she shakes her arms and adjusts the neckline of her fireproofs. “i can do it.”

“yeah!” sebastian cheers, pumping his fist into the air. “i believe in you!”

“exactly. i can do it!”

but despite her words of encouragement for herself, her feet stay planted on the ground. her fists are balled by her side as her body stiffens up by the door with a scowl.

sebastian tilts his head, moving his head around hers to take a look at her face. he glances at the door. “do you have any intention to actually do it?”

“some time in the next hour, maybe,” she sighs. she turns around to sebastian and shakes her head. “i can’t do it, mate. i want to go home.”

“what?” sebastian throws his head back. he turns her back around and pushes her forward. “i promise you won’t die.”

“how do you know that?”

“you’re just walking the paddocks to the building to film a shoot with oscar and logan. you’ll survive the 2 minute walk, i swear.”

she huffs and pushes the glass doors open, glancing back at sebastian. “i’ll make a run for it so nobody has the time to realise it’s me.”

he shrugs with an impressed smile. if he were in her shoes, he never would have thought of that. “whatever works, kid.”

italy, 2023

“seb.” the girl drags her feet along the floors of the garage, hunched over slightly with a hand clutching her stomach. “how long til the first round of practice?”

“about 20 minutes,” sebastian says, looking up from his clipboard. by the sound of her voice, he already knows what’s going on. his suspicions are confirmed when he sees her at her state. “fuck’s sake.”

“i’m sorry. i promise i won’t take too long in the toilet.”

“we told you to stop eating ice cream before you have to get on the track,” sebastian sighs, throwing his head back. he puts the clipboard down, annoyed, yet he still reaches forward to wrap a protective arm around her shoulders and guides her towards the door leading to the paddocks. “your track anxiety doesn’t go well with ice cream, remember?”

“the idea was good in theory — it was pretty warm earlier.”

sebastian sighs and shakes his head. “you know where to find the meds for your stomach, right?”

she frowns, looking up at him. the pale lips and the sweaty forward simply told him everything he needed to know. he laughs with a small nod. “okay, i’ll deliver them to you with a glass of really cold water, okay?”

she nods with a small smile. “okay. thank you, seb.”

singapore, 2023

“what do i do with this?”

sebastian slowly turns to the girl with a scowl on his face. “what do you mean?”

“what do i do with this?” she repeats, putting her arms in the air in question. she turns to look sebastian in the eyes with eyebrows furrowed. “where do i put it? is it even mine?”

“they will make a replica for you to bring home.”

“but i live in an apartment with two hyperactive kids — they’ll only break it.”

“your ki– you mean kidnapper and stubby? just put it up away from them!”

“i,” she trails off, shaking her head. she lets her stare linger on the trophy sitting on the table in her driver’s room with worry. “i kinda don’t want it unless it’s a trophy for a race win.”

“complacent!” sebastian laughs. “are you that confident about being a race winner?”

“you don’t think i could win a race?”

“wait.”

“that’s kinda mean, seb. i don’t know.”

“you know that’s not what i mean.”

she shrugs and turns back to the trophy. “we just need to play bumper cars with max on the track, maybe.”

“maybe? definitely.”

she shrugs and puts her hands on her hips. “i reckon we just need more street circuits to throw max off. then maybe we get liam to be my teammate next year!”

qatar, 2023

sebastian looks up at the sound of the click of his door. he raises an eyebrow, frowning at the girl trying to silently escaping his office. “where are you going, kid?”

she stops with a hand on the door, head poking out as she smiles. “i’m going to get us coffee downstairs.”

he frowns and furrows his eyebrows. “without me?”

she squeaks slightly as she raises her eyebrows in shock. “i was gonna bring it back up here to you so we can chat while we discuss race strategies.”

“oh.”

“is something wrong? do you prefer drinking something else?”

sebastian shakes his head with a small smile. “no reason. you used to ask me to get coffee with you.” he puts a hand on his chest. “have you grown to hate me, kid?”

“aw, seb! it’s not like that!” she coos, running back into the room. she runs over to his side, resting herself on the armrest and throws her arms around sebastian. “i just thought i’d like to finally go get it myself, you know? you won’t be around forever.”

sebastian has to admit — that one kind of hurt him a little. he’d come out of retirement to step into an unlikely position in the sport so he could be part of her development as a driver. and also because he was starting to regret his decision slightly, but that’s besides the point.

and also the fact that he’s grown quite fond of her. while he’s got three children of his own back home, it’s just different with her.

“wow, kid. counting down the days to my eventual retirement that i won’t take back?”

“no, you misunderstand me, seb,” she giggles, resting her cheek on top of his head. “i just wanted to be a big girl; like you always tell me to be in the paddocks every weekend!”

brazil, 2023

“you’ll be okay without me?” sebastian hums, raising an eyebrow as he stands in her hotel room. he sinks into her pillows on the bed as he watches the young girl darting around the room to gather her things. “i can come if you want.”

“logan and oscar will be with me,” she grins, scrunching her nose with a soft giggle. “unless you would like to come with us, seb?”

he scoffs, folding his arms over his chest. “no way. i don’t understand valorant like you kids — i would have more questions than anything else. you don’t want that, kid.”

she laughs, shoving her items into her small purse. “it’s blythe’s finals! and i’m just as clueless about valorant as you are. the 3 of us know nothing.”

“i’m just upset you hadn’t invited me in the first place.”

“it was last minute! just come with us, seb!”

“i don’t have a ticket.”

“one of the players’ my sister. we’ll find a way to get you in without a ticket.”

sebastian raises his eyebrow. “wow, corruption has gotten to you quick.”

“no, that’s literally how we’re able to attend. blythe pulled strings.”

he rolls his eyes, a small smile growing on his lips as he pushes himself off the bed. he actually does want to come along. finding out he wasn’t even part of the original plan hurt, yes, but he doesn’t want to push himself to be a part of plans that he’s not invited to.

“okay, if you insist.”

las vegas, 2023

she raises an eyebrow, scoffing. “you’re fucking kidding, right?”

max raises his eyebrows, turning to the girl with an impressed grin. while she’s not one to shy from cussing away from cameras, doing it with a room full of cameras and reporters is simply a different thing. he glances at sebastian who has his chest puffed out and eyebrows furrowed since the question was being asked.

the question was easy: how do you do your hair for race weekends, and how does it always look good after the race?

kimi is right, his lecture that weekend in austin has finally taken its mark in her brain. why are all the questions directed at her during press conferences always redirected back to her womanhood?

if she wanted to be asked about her makeup routine and collection, she’d have started an instagram live instead of wasting her time on this stupid couch.

“it’s unfair, don’t you think? you’ve asked me one question about racing, now suddenly it’s about my hair?”

“in a sense that–“

“i’m just curious. i’ve raced the races of what i can give this year to prove that i should be respected as a driver. why are you asking me about my hair?” she raises an eyebrow. “you’re a 50-year-old man. what have you got to learn from my haircare routine?”

max snorts and sebastian bursts into laughter. she clenches her jaw, genuinely getting slightly agitated. she meets sebastian’s eyes who only gives her a thumbs up with the proudest smile.

it’s nice to finally see her standing up for herself.

abu dhabi, 2023

sebastian holds the phone up to his ear, looking into the designated car that she’d taken to the paddocks that night.

“yeah?” a soft voice comes through, getting overshadowed by the loud music in the background. “what’s up, seb?”

“where are you? i’m at your car.”

he hears her hum in confusion. “what do you mean? i’m already in the paddocks, seb.”

he scratches his head, raising his eyebrow as he looks towards the busy entrance of the paddocks. “what do you mean? i thought you’d wait for me outside? aren’t logan and oscar coming in later than we are?”

“yes. but i arrived before you so i thought i’d just wait for you here,” she explains. “did i forget something?”

“no, it’s just,” he sighs and starts making his way to the row of gantries, “you’d usually wait for me if you were by yourself. i thought we were doing the same — i completely forgot that you’re a big girl now.”

he hears her laugh, louder and wholeheartedly. “seb, that’s so sweet! i can’t believe you looked for me even though i haven’t said anything!”

he rolls his eyes. “oh, shut up.”

— bonus

“seb, look what i got you over the break!” she shrieks, jogging into his room with a paper bag in her hands. “i got us matching somethings!”

he raises an eyebrow, looking up from his phone. “what? you got me something?”

“yeah! i wouldn’t have gotten my first points without you, so i wanted to get us something to celebrate our first points as a duo,” she giggles, sitting on the seat on the other side of the table.

she puts the paper bag down and starts pulling a set of mug out of it. she hands him a mug and holds up her own excitedly.

he looks at the mug. it’s got her name on the handle and her signature messily printed over their names mushed together into one in big and blocky purple letters.

“look at the bottom.”

‘long live — all the magic we made’ with the date of the australia race is carved into the bottom of the mug.

he smiles, looking up. “you really didn’t have to, kid. but thank you. this is so thoughtful.”

she claps silently, jumping on the spot with a giggle. “it’s just a small token to remember one of the times we made history together.”

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[hyuckswoman]

« yoo, how are you? » mark asks waiting by your desk as you collect your stuff 

« when did you even get there??? also we’ve been texting the whole time you know how i am » 

« my class ended a bit early so i waited by the door and when people were leaving i thought i’d just come in, also it’s called courtesy the whole asking how you’re doing, so stop complaining this is me being nice » mark says as you both head out of the class 

« righhtttt my bad sir , where are we going by the way? I don’t have classes for the rest of the day so I’m free if you want to hang out » you say 

« I told you to stop flirting with me, you’re getting desperate and it shows » mark jokes as you slightly punch his arm 

« we could grab lunch if you want to? also i don’t know where your friend is, i don’t think i saw him in your classroom but we can wait for him if you’d like » mark says looking around for hanbin you presume 

« Bin went to a party last night, he sent me a text this morning he’s wasted and hungover and basically skipped class so we don’t have to wait for him this time, also i wouldn’t act like I’m the one that likes you too much given how you practically begged me not to leave the music group » you said trying to get back at him. It was kinda annoying how he shrugged and told you that you were right without fighting back tho. 

« where the fuck are you taking me? this looks too expensive i don’t have that kind of money » you say as you guys near mark’s recommendation. you make a mental note to never trust the guy ever again when he tells you he knows a place

«  don’t worry, i got the bill » he says

« man, you’re as broke as I am don’t even pretend with this gentleman shit » you say laughing 

« dude you could’ve at least pretended for my ego, you suck. also it might look super fancy but it’s affordable don’t worry, not that i’d let you pay for your meal tho, i might be broke but I still know how to treat a lady thank you » he says holding the door of the establishment open for you 

«  I will wrestle you to the cash register don’t even play with me marcus lee » you say trailing behind him as he chuckles. you wonder if he’s making fun of your threat or if he’s laughing because of the nickname (the answer is both)

you were halfway through your meal when mark started to speak again 

« man.. isn’t it kinda crazy? » he says looking at you 

« what is? » you answer genuinely confused.. did this man think you’re sherlock holmes or something?? how would you know what he’s even talking about 

«  it’s kinda crazy how you, my diehard fan managed to be in the same music group as me. you hide your game pretty well though, sometimes i forget that you’re the president of my fan club » he says, you could see him holding back his laugh so hard. crazy how this man was openly making fun of you like that 

«  what happened to ‘let’s not talk about this ever again’? also, considering how you’ve been hyping me up these past few weeks i’d say that the roles have reversed and you’re my die hard fan now, you even said so yesterday » you reply 

« i never said any of that you are mistaking me for another man on your roster » mark answers

« let’s not lie like that we both remember the messages… and stop slut shaming me we are in public. and considering the amount of girls that want you i’d say you’re more likely to be the slut » you says hoping that’ll shut him up 

« ooo are you jealous that everybody wants me?? » he says. the answer is yes but you’ll never tell him that of course. 

« stop being so cocky before i slap that smirk off your face » you reply lowkey glaring at him

«  you didn’t deny it though » he says cockily. this man was aggravating you 

« god you’re becoming worse than hyuck. actually nevermind you are worse than hyuck constantly asking me for validation and compliments » you say smiling

« ouchhh okay i get it my bad, i’ll stop asking for validation and compliments the minute I’m 100% sure that I’m your favorite. also i don’t think it’s fair how donghyuck and jisung get to have cute nicknames while you call me marcus » he says kinda sulking 

« oh sorry my bad dork lee » you say laughing while he just gives you the middle finger « also i call you markie so you do have a cute nickname stop complaining and eat your food » you say as he just goes like « oooooh, that’s right » remembering the nickname you gave him. 

as you guys were finishing the meal you excused yourself to go to the toilet (little did he know you were actually paying the bill like the gentleman you are)

as you come back to the table you see mark trying to grab the waiter attention 

« what are you doing? stop doing that you’re giving me the ick » you say sitting back down 

« man fuck you, it’s not my fault nobody sees me i just want to pay the bill. and don’t fight me on this please » he says continuing his gesture to grab the staff’s attention 

« mark i paid the bill already that’s why no one is coming please stop » you say grabbing his hand to put it down 

« WHAT???!!!! » he replies 

« man… i can’t believe you paid the bill. next time’s one me tho » he says holding the door open for you to get out 

« is this an attempt to ask me out on a date? » you ask. yea that’s right. uno reverse bitch 

« sorry i don’t date fans » he replies. ooooooooh this man is 100% aggravating 

« by the way I texted you earlier to give you something but I’m really fucking nervous so I’ve been delaying it this whole time, but no more delaying shit I’ve got this I think. Also if you think it’s weird thennn pretend i never gave you shit ok? » he says sorta hyping himself up in the middle before opening his palm revealing a black guitar keychain 

you burst out laughing 

« I think this is worse than if you would’ve told me that you hated it. I’m literally contemplating suicide right now don’t even play with me » he says as you laugh even harder because his antics were really making it worse 

A few seconds later and in between giggles you decide to speak « no.. wait, i swear I’m not making fun of you, I swear I find this unbelievably sweet, you’ll understand why I’m laughing just give me a second » you say reaching into your bag pulling out a spiderman lego keychain you grabbed from the same store earlier to give to him as a present 

« this is for you, i bought it earlier because it reminded me of you, since you said you liked spiderman and since your twitter header is a lego character » you say finding it amusing how you both got each other a keychain

« dudeeee you need to stop doing this to me I’ll cry i love it so much, also look i got myself a guitar keychain to match yours » he says showing you the other keychain 

« i also got a keychain to match the one i got you hold on » you say showing yours 

« it’s crazy how we thought of the same thing tho, we’re like… spiritually connected » he says as the both of you start walking to head back to your apartment because even though you’ve been making fun of him for his gentleman antics, deep down (you didn’t even have to look hard to see it) mark was a good guy and no matter the time of day, he’s going to walk you back home.

you wonder if it’s because you like him but you know that if he keeps on acting the way he’s acting, this whole crush was going to be even worse than it is…

39. double matching

previous chapter masterlist next chapter

notes: ended this on sort of a cliffhanger lolll, also this is not proofread at all sooooo idk probably a bunch of mistakes i just cba

taglist : @imsiriuslyreal @iscocohere @simpforarmihn @replayenthusiast @lovm4rk @youreintheclubb @polarisjisung @sour-chaos @jising-jisang-jisung @aerivrs @multifandomania @tiddygang2020 @roseangelxfuma @skepvids @morkiee @yangasm @artstaeh @pussyslayerhd @bacons-thighs @bugcattie @leefullsun @jkslvsnella @alethea-moon @marvelahsobx @haechansbbg @katsukis1wife @winuvs @n0hyuck @whats-my-question @dojaejunging @hibernatinghamster @user7520 @m1dn1ghtv1olet @starwonb1n @lostinneocity @miniature-tragedy @llearlert @haezyhyuck @inosfavgf @bluesinfinities @calumsfringe @cigarettesafterjae @defzcl @delfdiary @minkyuncutie @bunnyjaycheoluwu @sofix-hc7

[tommydarlings]

shut up and make your choice | c.l

pairing: soft!dom!charles x sub!reader

warnings: smut, covering mouth, brief mention of something gory

w/c: 2.2k

summary: As you convinced your older brother to watch SAW 2 with you, you didn’t expect his best friend, Charles, to join you as well…but you couldn’t complain in the end.

check this out: my masterlist <3 // my ko-fi to support me! <3 // my PayPal to support me! <3 // my Patreon to become a member! (get access to +50 works) <3 // Save a Life carrd made by me! <3

You were thrilled about the fact that you were able to convince your older brother to watch the infamous horror movie called SAW 2 with you.

But what you weren’t so thrilled about was the fact that his best friend, Charles, joined in as well.

You didn’t really mind it that much, but you were just so excited already to watch SAW 2 with your brother since you’ve been really going on his last nerves even since you first watched the Movie.

“You have to watch it Gabriel, seriously! It’s so good and I bet it’s even better than the first one!” You explained to your older brother happily with pure enthusiasm in your voice.

Gabriel scoffed, “And I bet that with better you mean even more violent and scarier than the first one!”

So it was quite the suprise for you when he came into your room and told you that he’ll watch the sequel of the first SAW movie with you under one condition.

Without hesitation, you nodded not even caring about his condition since it can’t be that bad, you thought.

“You don’t even wanna hear the condition, y/n?” He asked you but you were already storming towards your Horror Movie Collection, hastily picking out SAW 2.

“Tell me,” you shrugged your shoulders, simply just being immensely happy about the fact that he will watch the movie with you tonight.

But you almost dropped the movie as soon as he told you that the condition is that his best friend, Charles leclerc watches the movie with the two of you.

You didn’t hate you brother's best friend, Charles — but you always kind of had the feeling that he didn’t like you, that he has something deeply against you and you don’t know what.

You’ve always been nice to your brother's friends and it was no different with the monaguesque your brother knows for a couple years by now, but somehow he never really even spared you a single glance, almost like he knows something you don’t.

But that still didn’t ruin your excitement for tonight, of course you’re not gonna let your brother's best friend ruin something you really looked forward to for a while now just ruin with his kinda mean and uninterested attitude.

So you plopped down onto the big couch right in between your brother and Charles, putting the big bowl of popcorn on you lap so that everybody has good access to it.

At first, none of you really reacted to the movie, you watched curiously as you desperately tried to put the pieces of the first and the second movie together since every single part king of stick together in some way.

Of course, the beginning where it was shown how a man had to get a key that’s medically hidden behind his eye, wasn’t extremely fun to watch — at least not for the boys, but you thought it was another great trap invented by the directors.

In the last fifteen minutes of the movie, you and your brother's best friend have realised that your dear brother Gabriel who suggested to watch the movie with you, had fallen asleep, head leaning against the back of the couch with his eyes closed.

You don’t even really know why, but for some reason, you though that the fact that your older brother fell asleep was so hilarious that you had to cover your mouth from laughing so much.

Just like Charles who was desperately trying to cover his laugh up.

You heard Charles clear his throat next to you and decided to look over at him. Bad decision, in a matter of seconds, the two of you started laughing again, this time so much and so unstoppably, that the two of you had to leave the room and run into the small bathroom, quickly closing the door behind you.

“Oh my god,” Charles mumbled before he continued laughing, just like you, both of you still covering your mouth a tiny bit since the bathroom is right next to the living room.

After a few more minutes of laughter, you leaned your back against the sink, looking up at Charles with slightly teary eyes from laughing so much.

The monaguesque sighed before he looked down at you as well, leaning his taller figure against the sink now, caging you in between his arms.

At first the two of you didn’t even realise how close you were to each other, still trying to get the funny picture of Gabriel falling asleep on the couch out of your head — but after some seconds of pure laughing and giggling, the two of you stopped out of nowhere, silence taking over now.

You gulped as you looked up at Charles, biting your lip while he gazed down at you with his brows slightly furrowed as he noticed how you put your own arms around your waist, almost as if you were trying to hide yourself.

“Don’t do that,” Charles spoke up, getting a hold of one of your arms now, slowly pulling them away from your body, “Don’t hide from me,-”

“Why?” You suddenly interrupted him, voice slightly shaky as you looked up at the monaguesque.

Charles shook his head as he slowly let his soft fingertips fall from your slightly cold skin, putting his palm onto the counter next to your waist again, “Why what? What do you mean, y/n?” He asked you gently.

You’ve never heard him speaking so gentle and soft to you, it amazed you.

You removed your gaze from his, breaking eye contact, “Why are you always so…uninterested and so mean towards me? I mean, you never even look at me and when you do then you give me this dirty glance before you immediately look away again, almost like you’re gonna get punished if you look at me any longer, let’s not even talk about the fact that you never say a single word to me!” You complained.

Charles gulped as he heard your angry words, it seriously hurt him deeply in the chest to hear you so upset but he couldn’t change it,

Your brother would kill him.

He briefly bit his lip before he stood up straighter, making you look up at him, “I wanted to talk to you since I first laid my eyes on you, I wanted to tell you how beautiful I think you are and how sweet and nice you alway are, especially to me,” he started, making you furrow your brows,

“But your brother forbid me…to even look at you any longer than ten seconds! I swear! And I understand him, men can be really gross and just literally nothing else than disgusting and I think that he just wanted to protect you since — you know, you’re his little baby sister.”

You cleared your throat before you fixed your postured as well, standing up straighter, “I’m not a baby,” you said before Charles laughed, smiling down at you, “I know that, y/n,” he replied, “But I don’t think that Gabriel knows that, at least he doesn’t want to believe it.”

Charles suddenly gently removed your arms from around your waist, putting his soft palms onto your waist now, gently pulling your towards his body,

“He said that if he catches me looking at you the wrong way, he’ll make sure to beat my ass up until I am literally unable to race for the rest of my life,” he laughed, dropping his head forward a bit, almost touching your forehead in the process.

You lightly gasped, not being able to imagine your brother saying something like that, “What?That’s crazy! You do know that he would never actually do that, right Charles?” He raised his brows as you said his name, breath for a quick second caught in his throat.

'Oh what an angelic voice saying his name right now' he thought before he answered,

“No, yeah! I know that, of course,” Charles quickly said as he briefly squeezed your waist, thumb drawing unknown figures onto your skin,

“I still didn’t really wanted to take that risk, you know?” He gulped before he looked at the door.

You raised your brows before you freed yourself out of his grasp and slowly went over to the door, and just when Charles thought that you just simply leave again, you locked the door, gulping before you slowly turned around again and looked at your brother's best friend.

“Would you take that risk now?” You asked him curiously, big doe eyes looking up at him as you positioned yourself in front of him again,

“You know, because he isn’t here right now,” you mumbled before you noticed him slowly raising his head.

Then he spoke up, “You think that now, where it’s just us, all alone in this small bathroom, that I’d do with you what I’ve always wanted to do?”

You gulped again, playing with your fingers as he came closer to you, forcing your back against the now locked door, “And what was that what you’ve always wanted to do with me?” You asked him stubbornly.

He put one of his hands onto your waist again, pressing your body against the door while he put his other hand onto the door next to your head, leaning his body against it,

“A lots of, lots of…bad things, angel,” he mumbled under his breath, “you probably never even heard of them,” Charles told you in a quiet and soft tone.

You swallowed all of your shyness down before you raised your hands and let your fingertips gently touch his neck, playing with his necklace in the process, “Tell me, charles,” you quietly spoke up, “please.”

Charles only gulped before he quietly sighed, eyes growing darker as he heard your quiet begging, “Y/n, your brother is next-”

You shook your head, “You can…cover my mouth,” your voice slightly trembling as you muttered the last three words.

Charles briefly furrowed his brows, tilting his head to the side before he cleared his throat, having to adjust himself a bit since you’re really giving him a hard time right now, “What did you just say?” He mumbled as he came a bit closer to you.

You slowly let your fingers run down his white shirt, not looking him in the eyes. But right when you opened your mouth, he interrupted you,

“No, no, no sweetheart — look at me and repeat what you’ve just said,” he whispered, putting his pointer finger under your chin, quickly forcing you to look up at him, holding your head in place with his hand.

“You can cover my mouth if you want to,” you mumbled under your breath, big and wide eyes looking up at him before you gently put your hand around his wrist, other one playing with his shirt.

“Can I, huh?” He tilted his chin towards your face, smirking while his thumb played with your bottom lip, running the pad of his finger along it.

You nodded, not saying anything this time as your brother‘s best friend just closely watched you, eyes jumping between your big doe ones and his finger running along your lip.

Suddenly, he came even closer to you, putting both of his palms under your thighs now, swiftly picking you up while you put your palms on his shoulders, looking down at him,

“You do know that we shouldn’t be doing this, right?” You whispered as his lips came closer to yours, “My brother will-

“I know,” Charles interrupted you as your noses touched, forehead touching each other as well as he couldn’t take his eyes off of your oh so kissable looking lips, “I know,” he mumbled before your lips connected, smashing against each other, almost like they belonged together.

You put your soft palms onto his cheeks, cupping them as the two of you made out, his fingers squeezed the flesh of your thighs before he groaned into the kiss, softly grinding his crotch area against you.

“Fuck,” he breathed into the kiss, slightly whining as you started to grind against him a bit as well, “Putain de merde, s'il te plaît, ne t'arrête pas!” Fucking hell, please don’t stop. Charles whined into the kiss before your lips disconnected, him burying his face into the crook of your neck now while you tangled your fingers into the roots of his hair.

“Oh m-my god,” you moaned in a high pitched tone, “feels so good, c-charles, fuck!” You cried out as you felt him biting down onto the skin of the crook of your neck, squeezing your eyes shut while Charles’s fingers grabbed your waist, squeezing your flesh while you put your cheek against his temple.

You heard him taking a deep breath before he loudly sighed, fingers squeezing your skin even harder as you felt him lazily running his lips along your neck, softly kissing it while you continued to hear him moaning and groaning.

You gulped before — all of a sudden, you loudly released a whine but luckily, Charles was very quick and did exactly what you’ve talked about before — covered your mouth, looking at your covered mouth before he gazed up at your glassy eyes, “You wanted m-me to do t-this, remember that baby.”

[paddymoonstruck]

Pairings: Charles Leclerc x Nepo!OC

Summary: here !!!

Next Chapter

Notes: It’s here! Hope you like it. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section. Let me know if you want to be added on the tag list!

In the midst of the bustling crowd, the whispers of the cool wind blew past Sofina’s figure. Her honey brown locks cascades down her back, jostling the perfected curls on her head. She produced a well-mannered smile at the cluster of people beginning to narrow down her walkway as they approached her path. Their collective voices sync achingly in her ears as the volume increased in a rapid pace.

She bowed her head, an attempt to conceal the mischievous smirk plastered on her face. Her fingers adjusted the sunglasses shielding her eyes from the blinding flashes of the cameras pointing at her face.

“See, this is why I don’t particularly like arriving with you.”

Behind her shades, she gave a sidelong glance to her company. She tilted her head up to meet his gaze. His lips thinned, brows furrowed at the earnest as he scratched the back of his neck.

“I don’t see a problem,” She shrugged, a whimsical tone carried in her voice.

Joris looked at her, a scowl decorating his lips. He gave her a once over, deepening the lines on his forehead as he observed the aching differences of their attire.

Sofina graced the paddock in a white oxford button up, cream-colored wool blend high waisted trousers that was secured by a leather belt and a pair of flats and a watch that certainly cost as much as his house. Her whole ensemble mercilessly trampled on the white tee and light washed jeans he’d probably bought in a thrift store.

“We agreed to dress casual,” Joris sighed, shaking his head but the slight simper on his lips betrayed his expression. “You said you’d follow this time.”

“This is casual!” Sofina argued, smirk growing every passing minute of this conversation. She knew it wasn’t.

On Joris’s part, he should’ve known better. Sofina was the daughter of a prominent business magnate. She was a part of a family far beyond their wildest imagination. Exuding the confidence and prestige she naturally had was an aura no common man could possibly learn.

“I look like your driver.” He droned.

“Nonsense, you look dashing!” She assured, nudging his brooding stature. “And besides, my driver is somewhere over . . . there,” Raising her palm, she pointed to their intended destination.

Sofina smiled victoriously as she noticed his quiet relent, hooking her arm around his and proceeding to drag him through the mix of bodies despite his protests. They ignored the media’s shouts for attention as they weaved their way towards the obnoxiously bright red infrastructure that was otherwise known as the Ferrari motorhome.

Upon their arrival in the motorhome, they were immediately greeted by the roaming staff in the lobby.

The first to come near was the French Team Principal of Ferrari, Frederic Vasseur with his usual jolly smile.

“Sofina! What a pleasant surprise!” He gushed, lengthening his hand for her to shake.

The brunette returned his infectious delight, baring a kind smile of her own and taking his hand. “Surely it’s not that much of a shock that I’m here, Fred,” She jokingly tutted.

To which the Frenchman bellowed out a hearty laugh. “Of course not! I just was not expecting you to be so early. Everybody’s just warming up, you see.”

Sofina hummed, looking around the room. It was indeed a latish time for her to be here. In contract to the countless media outlets fussing about outside, Ferrari’s motorhome maintained a tranquil commodious space.

The clank of her shoes echoed through the air as it hit the marbled ground. Strolling further inside, she has yet to spot the one she was looking for.

“Charles is getting ready in his driver’s room,” Fred supplied as if having read her mind. “He will be out shortly. Feel free to have a seat in the lounge.”

Sofina nodded, flashing Fred a grateful smile before he went on to do his job.

She went ahead and sat down on one of the red polyester armchair while Joris settled in a duplicate just across her.

After a several minutes of endlessly replying to company emails and submitting “between life and death” documents to her father, the faint squeaking of sneakers finally broke the cycle.

Sofina instantly glanced up from her torturous tasks to be greeted by a certain emerald eyed, Monegasque.

“Charlie!” She beamed at him, standing up with her arms already reaching for him.

Charles’s dimples pop out from the corners of his mouth at the greeting. He happily granted the excited girl’s request, elongating his arms around her waist.

He chuckled as her antsy limbs encircled his neck, never-minding the constricting grip she has on them. Bending down, he allowed her an easier access that was suppressed by their differences in height.

She gasped as she pulled away, sending Charles into a frenzy at the sudden reaction. He searched her eyes for answers but was only given a cutting glare.

“Have you been eating well?” She interrogated, voice low but filled with nothing but concern. “You look thinner than when I last saw you . . .”

Charles raised an eyebrow, corner of his lips twitching at her exaggerated statement. “We saw each other last week.”

“And?” She asked, genuinely confused by his utterance.

Charles laid his palms on both sides of her face, blaring out her displeasure with the mission to smooth out the distress on her.

“Ow!” She hissed, swatting away his arm as pain seared in her cheek from his the ministrations of his fingertips.

“I’m fine, bébé,” He assured, bitting his lip to prevent the further growth of his smirk. “You know training in the first week is the most crucial. It’s normal to lose weight.”

“By this much?” She scoffed, motioning to his face. His cheeks were hollower, making his cheekbones more prominent and the thinning of his face were generally noticeable.

Charles tried to ward away her worries, placing a soft peck on her cheek before shifting his attention to Joris.

Sofina watched them engage in pleasantries, Joris mentioning how dressed up Sofina was. She merely stifled a laugh at the scandalize look that resurfaced on his features once more at the topic.

“Oh come on,” Charles quipped, eyes traveling from her feet to the top of her head. “She looks fantastic,” He winked, “You look very beautiful,”

Sofina gave him a thumbs up at his specification, amused by his antics.

“What do you need now? More money? A cheque? A car?” She raised a finger up to silence his mirthful face. “My soul?”

His bubbly exterior exploded into a fit of hysterics at the reference she used. Sofina introduced him the hit reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians when the pandemic started. It was her insistent persuasion that ultimately led them to binge watching every episode until they’ve had to wait for the newest one.

Joris rolled his eyes at the giggling pair, waiting for them to collect themselves. Sofina caught his eyes and began to explain. “It’s Khloe Kardashian.”

Truthfully, he didn’t gain any knowledge from the vague clarification. Nonetheless, he nodded.

“Do you need anything?” Charles faced Sofina.

“Aside from today’s testing results, not really.” She concluded, tapping at her phone to check her duties. “Sorry I wasn’t here for first and second day. I was drowning in paperwork.”

Charles omitted a sound of sympathy. Now that he was paying attention to her face, the dark circles under her eyes were more visible, matching the exhausted sigh that passed her lips.

“Did something happen?” He queried, gliding his fingers through the disarrayed curls from when she was sitting down.

She shook her head. “No, not exactly. But you know— I can handle it.” A buzz blossomed on her chest as the warmth of Charles’s palm radiated on her cheek.

Charles inhaled deeply, adjusting to the shift of the atmosphere. Instead of adding to the heavy pressure, he decided to change the subject.

“The car’s doing great,” He chided, hand falling onto her shoulder. “Ferrari finished on a high on both days. . .”

Sofina managed a smile, bobbing her head at the news she already knew. The information should have brought her more joy than what she was currently feeling but for some reason, a churning sensation struck her in the pit of her stomach.

“. . . Maybe even faster than Redbull?”

The claim got her to look up at Charles. A sheepish simper on his lips. Sofina couldn’t resist the amused huff hold hostage in her throat.

“With all improvements made, it’s a relief you’re more comfortable in the car than last year,” Her affirmation was met with a consensus from Charles and Joris.

Whenever Sofina was consumed by the sudden reminder of her intense duties, this was a place she often ran to. Ran to hide from the ridiculous demands of her supposedly unproblematic life.

With them, the biting tension of having to continuously prove herself didn’t exist in the here. It was without a doubt, easier to be. Especially in the eyes of whom knew her best.

Sofina met Charles’s eye. His emerald spheres dancing with a molten rays of the Bahrain sunlight. She would never tire of staring at them. The absurd amount of beguiling enchantment his eyes hold should be dubbed as illegal. If one were to stop and take a moment to admire he—

“GOOD MORNING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!”

The sonorous voice from the speakers woke Sofina’s consciousness from her trance. She swiftly blinked away the dolly lopsided smile stuck on her face, tearing her gaze away from Charles. She bore the boundless embarrassment in regards the drawn out time she spent gawking at him.

“You— you get out there and uh—” She cleared her throat, avoiding his teasing eyes. “—Do your best—Charles!” She squirmed, a hand shoving at his shoulder as he got into her face, trying to catch her adorably flaming cheeks.

Charles aired out a laugh at the deathly glare she sent his way, admiring the futile attempt to hide her blushing face from him.

“I’ll see you later?” He declared, soft and gentle.

“Of course.” She wheeled her eyes, struggling to keep her smirk in bay as she saw to giddy look in his face.

With one last peck on the cheek and a wave for Joris, he turned and went on his way to the garage.

The tremulous sigh she released nearly collapsed her lung. Another year of Formula One, and owning most of Ferrari’s sponsorship held a great weight on Sofina’s shoulders. The pillars of her chosen empire were bound to fall with one wrong move. Proving her father right was the last thing she wanted and she’d hate for all of this to be blown in a million pieces because of what her father referred to as her incapability to be a firm leader.

Alas, heavy is the head that wears the crown and so is the heart that weighs it down.

Tag-list: @seairsunset @mindflay3r @tangointhequango @bwormie @eugene-emt-roe @herondalism @comfortzonequeen @weekendlusting @nomie-11 @i-ship-bullshit-2020 @cc13723things @charlesgirl16 @namgification @charizznorizz @missenclod @outerudeth

[yelena-bellova]

Heartfirst: A Ted Lasso Story - Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen: All That You Are

Plot: A chaotic press conference precedes a match that ends in violence.

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: f!reader, language, minor violence

A/N: I’m gonna chalk this week’s chapters up to having some free time and also being really motivated to get to the next few. Phew, let me tell you…this is the last chance I’m giving y’all to breathe. The final act kicks off in the next chapter and we don’t stop till the very end…so everybody enjoy the fluff and the jokes while you’ve got them 🙃

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged and, as always, enjoy!

————————

AFC Richmond’s hot streak just…kept…going.

They were killing it, both at matches and training. More importantly, they were happy. Joyful, even. Which meant everyone else was too.

More and more fans started showing up to watch training till eventually, the stands were packed. Y/n had begun to come out more often, genuinely enjoying watching the boys practice, and had found a way to make it a PR matter. She helped get the crowd riled up, engaging with them and encouraging them to cheer and chant for their players. She’d collected whatever merchandise they had a surplus of, pens or coffee mugs usually, and made a game of handing them out to the fans that came. Ted had encouraged her to keep doing it, it only further fostered the atmosphere he wanted to create.

Y/n hurried upstairs one day in particular, having missed the alarm set on her phone while she was hauling a bag of freebies from the gift shop to her office. She was never late and felt like she was going to burst into flames for being so.

“Whoa,” Ted called, just a few steps behind her, “Someone call Allyson Felix. Let her know she better watch her back.”

Y/n hung back on the landing to catch her breath, falling back in step once Ted caught up. “We ran out of the mugs the other day but I’ve got coasters and coozies for this afternoon.”

“Ooh,” Ted exclaimed, “You’ve been killin’ it in the swag department, missy. Everyone’s a little more hyped knowing they get a prize just for participation.”

Y/n grunted, “Trophies for doing nothing is also why my generation hates work, so don’t applaud me yet.”

They entered Rebecca’s office laughing only to find the atmosphere contrasting their good moods. Spread out on the couch, Keeley had her face buried in Rebecca’s lap.

“Uh-oh,” Ted announced his presence, “When girl-talk turns into girl-hug, you know that either means something horrible’s happened, or absolutely nothing at all.”

“Please say nothing at all,” Y/n set her purse down and grabbed the takeaway box Rebecca had ordered for her.

“Jack’s ghosting Keeley,” their boss explained.

“Oh, no,” Ted frowned.

Y/n sunk into the cushion beside Keeley, rubbing her shoulder as the blonde snuggled back under Rebecca’s arm.

“First, she wants to go on a break,” Ted recounted, “And now the old digital Irish goodbye. Which is a term I never really understood. ‘Cause I got a buddy back home named Seamus O’Malley, and that son of a gun hugs folks goodbye for, like, twenty minutes before he leaves anywhere.”

Y/n smiled down at her salad. The last few months may have softened her, but decades could pass and Ted would remain the same.

“Yeah,” he looked to Keeley, “Sorry to hear about that. Hey, I did make you some biscuits, you know, just to soften the blow.”

“Oh, thanks Ted,” Keeley took the pink package from him and opened it. Her eye blew open, “What? There’s like forty quid in here.”

“Well, I didn’t know you were gonna be here till this morning,” Ted explained, “No time to do anything special so I just tossed a little cash in there.”

Keeley nodded, “That is very sweet. Thank you, Ted.”

“Ain’t nothin’ to it but to do it,” he shrugged, turning to Rebecca, “Hey, boss. You mind if I skip the press conference today? Michelle and I got these parent-teacher meetings I don’t wanna miss.”

Rebecca shrugged and smiled, “Of course, Ted. Family first.”

“I appreciate it.”

“So…” Y/n trailed off, “Who’s next in line?”

A metaphorical lightbulb went off over Keeley’s head. “We could have Roy do it,” she suggested, “I know he hates that stuff, but he is really good at it.”

Y/n struggled to see the “good” part of how Roy handled the press. On her last count, he’d cussed out no more than six reporters.

“I mean, you know, fine by me,” Ted replied.

Rebecca agreed, “Great idea.”

“Look at you,” Ted smiled at Keeley, “Heartbroken, but still kickin’ butt.”

“I mean, I’m not heartbroken,” Keeley fidgeted in her seat, “It’s more like heart-bent.”

“Heart-bent,” Ted mused, “I like that. It’s a great title for a country song. You know, like,” he began to sing, “I’m heart-bent, in my apartment, ‘cause all that you left, was your fart scent.”

“Alright. Goodbye, Ted,” Rebecca cued him up to leave, though Keeley was laughing and Y/n was smiling through a bite of spinach.

“And now that you’re gone,” Ted continued on his way out to the hall, “I wrote this song, ‘cause all you left was, the smell of your farts.”

Y/n pointed to the door with her fork, “Speaking on behalf of our homeland, we can do better than that.”

Rebecca snorted and Keeley rested her head on Y/n’s shoulder.

“Right,” she held out her hand, “Show me.”

Keeley handed it over and Y/n bore witness to the mile long chain of texts her boss had sent their boss. It was embarrassing to say the least, but Y/n wasn’t about to kick Keeley when she was already laid out.

“Wow,” she strained as she scrolled.

“I know,” Keeley moaned.

“It’s like a river,” Y/n mused as she surfed the rest of the blue bubbles, “Can you promise one thing?”

Keeley hummed.

Y/n handed her phone back, “No more. She’s the one that stomped on you, she gets to do the groveling.”

And grovel she should. From what Keeley had told Y/n, Jack had handled their conversation regarding the video leak and the so-called “statement” horrifically. Jack seemed offended that Keeley had dared to have a meaningful relationship before her. It was jealousy where jealousy didn’t belong.

Whereas Y/n was still struggling to comprehend Jamie and Keeley ever having been together.

“I won’t, I won’t,” Keeley threw her phone on the other side of the couch, “I’m done.”

“Good,” Y/n nodded firmly.

“And that’s all you’ve got to say?” Keeley asked with a raised brow, “Nothing else?”

Y/n purposefully filled her mouth with a far-too-large bite of lettuce. She had plenty to say on the matter, Keeley knew damn well, but she was determined not to do so unless there was a confirmed break-up. After all, Jack was still their boss.

“Nope,” she mumbled.

Rebecca and Keeley descended into a fit of snorts.

Later, the three women were were seeing Keeley out to her car. Roy was just coming down the hall when they came off the last step.

“Oh, speak of the devil,” Rebecca said.

“Okay,” Roy replied before looking to his ex. An awkward silence came about for three seconds, though it felt like much longer. “Keeley.”

“Roy,” she nodded back to him.

Rebecca, blissfully, pulled them out. “So I need you to fill in for Ted at today’s press conference, if that’s okay.”

Roy didn’t hesitate in his reply, “Fuck no.”

Keeley, Rebecca and Y/n were just as unflinching as they waited for the answer to change.

“I mean,” Roy backtracked, “Why can’t Ted do it?”

His eyes went from woman to woman, waiting for one of them to answer or crack or…something.

Or nothing.

“I mean,” he pasted an unnatural grin to his face, “I’d love to.”

Y/n pointed a finger and nodded.

“Wonderful,” Rebecca replied, looking to Keeley and Y/n, “Shall we?”

The three of them left Roy in the hall, waiting for the inevitable reaction.

“Fuck,” he said rather loudly.

“I heard that,” Rebecca smirked.

“You still have my word,” Y/n remarked to her boss, “Send me up there, I’ll give them all they want to know. Sell everybody out. We’ll be on every front page in the country.”

Rebecca laughed, though Keeley missed it entirely. She was too busy glancing back at Roy.

—————————

Later in the afternoon, with the press conference a few minutes away from starting, Y/n swung by her office to pick up the notes she’d jotted down for Roy.

As she grabbed her notebook, she noticed there was a tea sitting next to her laptop.

She picked it up and examined it. It had come from the café, her name was written on the side in the big loopy handwriting Delilah, the barista, used. Assuming she wasn’t being set up to be poisoned, she took a sip and accepted the anonymous kindness.

Y/n made it down to the press room, meeting Higgins in the back and waiting for Roy to enter.

The door opened, and Beard walked through.

Y/n’s face dropped, “Um…”

“Where’s Ted?” Higgins asked.

“Where’s Roy?” Y/n corrected, “He’s supposed to be filling in.”

Beard took his seat at the desk, “Good afternoon. I know you all were expecting Ted, but he couldn’t make it today. I, however, will be happy to answer any and all questions, so,” he gestured to the desk filled with recorders and phones, “Fire away.”

Y/n took a breath, it wasn’t so bad. Beard, while not always the most sociable, was well-spoken and highly intelligent. He might have even been a better choice than Roy for his mood alone.

She regretted every thinking such a thing within two minutes.

“Look, man,” Beard sat back in the chair, “We can debate all day, Zeppelin versus Eagles, but one thing that is absolutely not up for debate is Walsh versus Page.”

“Oh, come off it,” the man fired back, “You honestly think it’s Walsh over Page?”

Y/n whispered to Higgins, “How did this go so far off the rails this fast?”

“I don’t know,” he replied.

She handed him her tea, “Hold this.”

Y/n quietly and calmly exited the room, breaking into a light jog in the hall and up the stairs. She knocked on Rebecca’s open door but didn’t bother to be invited in.

“Hi,” she greeted quickly, “Um, did something happen to Roy in the two hours since he was last seen?”

Rebecca’s brow lowered, “No, why?”

Y/n thinned her lips to a line, “You might wanna come downstairs.”

Without question, Rebecca followed her down and into the press room. Things had taken another turn in the minute Y/n had disappeared for.

“That is not what I said, Gary,” Beard angrily pointed to the reporter in question.

“I have your quote right here,” Gary chuckled.

“You did say it, Coach,” another on agreed.

“Stay out of this, Lloyd,” Beard snapped.

“Don’t shout at Lloyd,” Sarah, another reporter, said.

Y/n flattened her palm against her forehead.

“You said, and I quote,” Gary looked down at his notes, “‘Joe Walsh is a better guitarist than Jimmy Page.’ That’s what you said!”

Beard leaned back in his chair, exasperated by the fight he’d started. “Fine! I said it,” he spread his arms out in defeat, “But what I meant was that Joe Walsh, underrated. Jimmy Page,” he got stuck on the last word in his rage, “Overrated!”

The room was arguing amongst itself.

“I mean, Joe Walsh is a poet,” Beard went on, “Jimmy Page is a fucking court stenographer on Adderall.”

As the room digested the answer in shock, and amusement, Y/n reached out to Higgins, retaking her tea and taking a large swig as if it were wine.

“Are you out of your mind?” Gary laughed, “Page could beat Walsh with one string.”

“What do you mean, beat him?” Beard replied angrily, “It’s not a competition, man. It’s art, you fucking Neanderthal!”

Y/n, Higgins and Rebecca surged forward at the same time.

“Hello,” Rebecca cheerily announced, trying to draw the attention to herself while Higgins grabbed Beard, who was still arguing with Gary. “Hello! Hello!”

Y/n acted as a shield for Higgins as he walked Beard out of the room, dropping him in the side hall. But not before Beard could get in one last insult.

“‘Stairway to Heaven’” is a glorified fingering exercise, and you all know it!”

Higgins smiled at the press as he shut the door, Y/n blindly reaching behind to help him push against Beard’s weight.

“I can’t think of the last time I was able to be here with all you absolutely…” Rebecca spoke loudly over the noise of Beard still yelling into the door. Y/n and Higgins blocked his face from view. “Just brilliant members of the press down here in the pressroom. So with that in mind, I would love to take some questions. Come on,” Rebecca spread her arms welcomingly, “Absolutely ask me anything.”

“Oh, shit,” Y/n mumbled. This wasn’t any better.

Marcus from The Independent announced himself when Rebecca nodded towards him.

“Hello there, Marcus,” she greeted, “How are you?”

“Very well.”

“Good, good.”

“Miss Welton,” Marcus asked, “In your opinion, who’s the greatest classic rock guitarist of all time?”

Rebecca stuttered a bit, stuck on the question that had her blanking out on any rock she’d ever listened to.

“The, uh…” she struggled, “The…guy from Cream.”

Higgins snorted, Y/n buried her head in her hand as the pressroom quietly and collectively laughed.

“Uh…” Rebecca began.

“I think,” Y/n came to stand beside her boss, grinning abnormally large, “That in the wake of our recent wins, we’re all still a bit hazy from the excitement. I think we’re going to call this for the day, but we’ll be ready and waiting for you after the match this Sunday against Brighton. Thank you so much!”

Y/n placed her hands on Rebecca’s back and marched her towards the door.

“Uh, Ms. Y/l/n,” Marcus spoke up, “Care to comment on who you think the greatest guitarist is?”

“Keith Richards,” Y/n answered, “Purely because he’s still standing.”

Whatever reaction she’d caused, she didn’t hear them. Her and Higgins had gotten Rebecca safely out into the hall.

“Sorry about that,” she shuddered.

“You’re alright,” Y/n patted her shoulder.

“‘The guy from Cream,’” Higgins giggled.

“Yes, all right,” Rebecca twisted to face Higgins, “Don’t start with me, Leslie! I panicked,” she took a seething breath, “I’m going to murder Roy Kent.”

“If you don’t, I will,” Y/n exhaled.

“Look, Roy not doing press is just Roy being Roy,” Higgins stated.

Y/n gestured to the door they’d just come out of, “And look where it got us.”

“Well, I am sick of Roy being Roy,” Rebecca spat, hands on her hips, “So it’s time for Rebecca to be Rebecca.”

Without another word, she marched off in the direction of the training room. The boys would nearly be done with their afternoon workout.

“Oh, yes,” Higgins agreed, “Absolutely- I couldn’t,” he turned with Y/n to watch Rebecca strut away from them, “Yeah. There you go. Yes! Ooh!”

Y/n breathed a laugh, if anyone rubbed off on her from Richmond, she hoped it was Rebecca. There was a fierceness inside her that Y/n had never possessed in her life, but she’d have liked to.

“Stay for the aftermath?” Higgins asked.

“Oh, definitely,” Y/n nodded. She wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to stare down Roy.

Quick enough, Rebecca marched back up the stairs, Roy following thirty seconds later. While Higgins’ best frown was still his worst smile, Y/n glared at the coach unflinchingly. He did his best to ignore them both on the way up to Rebecca’s office.

“Another day,” Y/n mumbled, her and Higgins heading their separate ways for the rest of the afternoon.

As she walked down the hall, some of the boys came out of the training room. She high-fived them before coming up on Jamie, bringing up the rear.

He flicked the cup of tea, still in Y/n’s hand, and smirked. “Cheers.”

Y/n looked back and met his waiting gaze, the two of them sharing a smile. The days at Nelson Road grew more unpredictable the further into the season they got, but some things were as constant as breathing.

——————

The day of the Brighton match started as normal as any other. Y/n made the familiar trek to the owner’s box, taking a seat between Keeley and Higgins, and braced for the ninety minutes of nerves she both hated and loved.

“Oh, it’s Jack,” Keeley announced as she scrolled her phone. The three of them sat to attention as they waited to hear the text, “She’s saying that she’s in Argentina…for the next couple of months.”

“Ouch,” Higgins commented. Y/n scoffed while Rebecca pulled Keeley into her side.

“Well,” Keeley took a breath, “I think our break is actually an ‘up.’ So now that Jack is officially my ex,” she looked between the group, “Please feel free to say any of the things that you didn’t like about her.”

Rebecca sighed, “Well-“

“Ooh,” Higgins chimed in, “Her handshake was way too firm. You know-“ he groaned and grunted as he imitated the action, “I get it. You’re friendly. Good riddance.”

Y/n bit down on her bottom lip, trying to keep the comments from flying out her mouth.

“Something you’d like to say, Y/n?” Keeley asked knowingly.

Shaking her head, she tried to go the diplomatic route. “Just want to watch some football.”

Keeley slowly nodded, staring out at the field with her.

“And she’s a fucking asshole,” Y/n muttered as low as she could to let only Keeley hear it. They smiled to one another.

Right off the bat, the Greyhounds were struggling. Isaac, usually so focused, was off his game. He cost them a goal kick and earned Brighton a corner instead. It wasn’t like him and the fans were letting their displeasure be known.

Even worse, when Colin lost an easy goal, Isaac went after him. The two of them argued until Jamie and Sam, playing peacemaker, held Isaac back from following Colin any further.

Y/n frowned, something had to have happened before the match. The boys were far more in sync than this, and they sure as hell didn’t fight each other.

The first half ended on the heels of Dani just nearly making a goal, only for Brighton to block it. The score was 1-nil as the Greyhounds trudged back to the locker room.

Higgins, Y/n, Rebecca and Keeley went silent as the fifteen minute break began. There wasn’t anything to say.

Y/n’s eyes were glazing over the crowd on the opposite side of the stadium when a commotion started. She followed the noise to the tunnel to see Isaac, leaping into the stands and grabbing one of the fans.

“Oh my gosh,” she mumbled. Keeley, Rebecca and her all rose to their feet.

With the distance, the scene could hardly be seen properly, but it appeared that Isaac was holding the fan by the shirt and yelling in his face. The ref had never pulled the red card out so fast. It was unprecedented and unacceptable.

Higgins rushed out his seat, the women moving to make room for him down the aisle. Y/n’s eyes followed Roy as he helped Isaac down and started shouting something to the security guards.

The scene died down as quickly as it began. The fan was escorted out of the stadium and the Greyhounds disappeared into the tunnel.

“What the hell was that?” Rebecca finally asked.

“I don’t know,” Keeley breathed.

Internally, Y/n began to feel some sort of panic build. She couldn’t decipher the complexities of it, all she knew was she had to move.

“Where are you going?” Rebecca asked as Y/n slid past them.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled Keeley’s same answer, already climbing the stairs.

She hurried through the suite, past all the fans opening social media to post that they’d witnessed the fight themselves. Past all the fans in the concourse exclaiming how McAdoo was about to fucking kill the twat. Y/n couldn’t hear any of it as she made for the personnel-only entrance into the building.

When she made it to the empty hall outside the locker room, she faltered. Her immediate reaction would be to run in, but she knew it was far from appropriate. Her hand instinctively reached toward the door, even with feet of space between her and it. She couldn’t.

Nearly as soon as she’d thought it, Isaac came bursting through the door, unaware of her presence as he stalked to the boot room. He slammed that door shut and Y/n flinch at the sound.

Ten seconds later, Roy came out much more peacefully, but still with purpose.

Y/n stepped forward, her movements and her voice hesitant, “Hey-“

Roy could see the concern etched deeply in her face and touched her arm as he passed. “I got it.”

It wasn’t often that Roy wasn’t scowling, wasn’t speaking like he smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. For him to speak softly, to voluntarily comfort someone, he had to have meant it.

Y/n stood frozen as he shut the door to the boot room, all the pieces of her reaction making sense suddenly. After Isaac had attacked the fan, her first thought hadn’t been about PR. It hadn’t been about the clean-up her and Keeley would have to do, the stress of it all. It hadn’t had anything to do with what the internet would think or the fans or anyone.

Her first thought was to wonder if Isaac was okay.

She knew by now she cared about AFC Richmond. She had a special affection for Rebecca and their weekly tea. Keeley had cracked her way past Y/n’s gates simply by being herself. Ted was the nicest slice of home she could have gotten.

This was different. This was caring so deeply for the team that she was standing in the hall, unmoving until she knew they were all alright.

It was no longer about letting them in, Y/n knew, it was about how deeply etched in her heart they were.

She waited, waited, the whole fifteen minutes, hearing only the muffled mumbles of the team’s conversation through the doors. When they cheered and exited the room, their spirits seemingly lifted, none of them even noticed her against the wall.

Y/n moved to stand outside the boot room, catching Colin and Trent as the last ones to exit the locker room. Trent threw her a small salute that she matched, before heading out to his own seat. She still wasn’t leaving until she knew all was well.

Eventually, Roy came out of the boot room with Isaac in tow. The disgraced captain glanced up at her as he passed, Y/n made a point to squeeze his arm. He didn’t flinch at her touch, but didn’t make a point of lingering as he headed to the locker room to wait the game out.

As Y/n inhaled, Roy nodded, “He’s alright.”

“Okay,” she whispered.

The two of them walked back to their separate paths, Roy heading out to the pitch and Y/n heading back to the owner’s box.

The match turned around after that, tremendously so. The Greyhounds had hit the pitch united once more, particularly Colin, who’d assisted in both goals that had led them to victory. Balance seemed to have been restored, and while Isaac would still be the most memorable part of the game, Colin’s efforts wouldn’t be forgotten.

And, as always, Y/n’s work began the moment the ref called it.

There were strict instructions from both Keeley and her to Higgins not to grab any of the players. They’d no doubt be asked about their captain’s actions and none of them needed to deal with that stress. Ted was the only one who could comfortably handle it.

They waited with Rebecca in the back of the room, Higgins and Trent joined them at the last minute.

“He’s on his way,” Higgins said.

“Thank you, Leslie,” Rebecca replied before turning to Keeley and Y/n, “You gave Ted some talking points?”

Keeley frowned, “No. I haven’t done that in a long time.”

“Not for a while,” Y/n added.

The side door opened before Rebecca could truly begin to worry. Where Ted should have strolled in, Roy did instead.

“Fuck,” Y/n whispered, punctuated by a gag from Higgins.

Roy took a seat at the desk, staring down the entire room. No one was wearing their surprise well.

“Yeah, alright, you got me today,” he growled, “Any questions?”

Every reporter’s hand went up, all of them shouting to get Roy’s attention.

“Fucking hell,” he mumbled before pointing to one of them, “You. Five-o’-clock shadow head.”

Gary, self-proclaimed Jimmy Page fan, stood up. “Coach Kent, do you or the organization condone what Isaac McAdoo did today?”

“What a stupid fucking question,” Roy was quick to reply, Rebecca, Higgins and Y/n all screwing their eyes shut. “‘Course we don’t. What Isaac did was awful. He was lucky he only got a red card.”

“Okay,” Gary relented, “So why’d he do it?”

Roy chuckled, looking like he was nearly about to say something before stopping himself. Instead of cursing or snarking, he settled back in his chair.

“When I was first coming up through Sunderland, there was an old-timer on the team,” Roy began, “Local guy. He and his wife were about to have their first kid. So during training one day, I made a joke that statistically, I was probably the real dad. And the boys fell about laughing, but he went fucking nuts. He battered me. Properly. I had a black eye, chipped tooth, three broken ribs…I couldn’t play for six games. He got booted off the team. After that,” Roy shook his head, “No club would go near him.”

“Then in the summer, after I could breathe again,” he went on, “I bumped into him in a pub. And I got the chance to say sorry for my stupid fucking joke. And he got to tell me he and his wife had lost the baby a month before all that went down. He hadn’t told anyone. Kept it all inside.”

The room had fallen hush, save for the occasional click of a camera.

“Look, I get that some people think if they buy a ticket,” Roy’s voice regained its strength, “They’ve got the right to yell whatever abusive shit they want at footballers. But they’re not just footballers. They’re also people. And none of us,” he dragged his finger across the room, “Know what is going on in each other’s lives.”

“So for Isaac to do what he did today, even though it was wrong,” Roy pointed to his chest, “I give him love. And as for why he did what he did,” he leaned closer to the microphones, “That’s none of my fucking business.”

That was it. There was nothing left to say. Roy had handled it with more grace and patience than anyone could have expected.

Y/n smiled to herself, “Okay.”

“Next question,” he called to the room, which erupted back into shouts and flashes, “Yeah, new Trent.”

“Coach,” Marcus spoke up, “Let’s talk about Colin Hughes.”

“Yeah, he’s a hell of a player,” Roy answered, “And a great man. I think we’ve underused him.”

“I think you’re right,” Marcus said.

“Glad we agree,” Roy replied, “I prefer you to old Trent.”

The room laughed before Roy called on the next reporter. Rebecca and him shared a look of acknowledgement, this was making up for his ditching of the last presser.

Roy went on answering questions a few minutes longer before abruptly calling it. As everyone was saying their goodbyes for the evening, Y/n caught him in the hall.

“You did good,” she complimented.

Roy grunted a little, still bad at taking praise about anything other than his professional abilities. “Sorry if I…made your job harder the other day.”

She shrugged, “No more so than anyone else. You’re just more of a dick about it.”

Having said it with a smile Roy knew Y/n wasn’t serious…totally. His lips quirked up ever so slightly.

“Night, Roy,” Y/n said, hitting his arm as she walked past him.

“Cheers,” he replied, heading his own way.

—————————

While the day was a victory, Jamie was exhausted. Some of the boys had gone out to celebrate, he was one of the ones who decided heading home was more appealing.

A ring of the doorbell dragged him off his couch and into the entryway. He opened the door, his chest both filling and draining at the sight.

Y/n was leant against the frame, a soft smile on her lips. She held up a paper takeaway bag.

“I won’t tell Roy if you don’t,” she promised.

Jamie chuckled under his breath and moved to let her in.

It wasn’t just the match that’d worn Jamie out. Colin’s confession in the locker room was…heavy. Weighing most on Colin, of course, but when the celebratory noise had died down and Jamie was left to his own thoughts, he found they were louder than normal.

Y/n showing up only acted as an amplifier.

Here was Colin, hiding away one of the biggest parts of himself. Forced to keep the person he loved in the shadows for fear of the public’s reaction. He couldn’t hold them, couldn’t be seen with them, couldn’t claim them. The person who meant everything to him.

And here was Jamie, with the woman he cared about most standing before him, feeling the weight of his privilege.

“Samir was working tonight,” Y/n announced as she slipped off her shoes, “He kept asking me if I was buying for us both. I think he slipped in some extra-“

She was cut off by Jamie, wrapping his arms around her in a full embrace.

Jamie wasn’t good with words. He was barely good with feelings. And expressing them was a whole other matter. What he did know to be true was that Y/n was the singular most important person in his life. Whether he’d realized it before or not, he wasn’t sure. But it was suddenly crushing him, he was overwhelmed by his affection for her. She was the best part of his worst times, the highlight of his days. The literal sunshine lighting up the darkest parts of him, the parts everyone else looked at and ran from. But not her, never her.

Y/n stumbled a bit, Jamie steadying her as he tugged her to his body. It wasn’t like they never hugged, but this felt different. The whole day had been so emotionally charged, she wasn’t surprised that he was feeling some of it. She wasn’t sure what had happened in the locker room between halves or after the game, but whatever it was had done something to him, and she apparently was the solution.

The truth was, Jamie was the first person Y/n hadn’t tired of being there for. She wanted to save him at every possible opportunity. To be there for him in whatever way he needed her. Lord knows he had done it enough for her. He’d looked at her ugliest parts and matched them, the two of them somehow growing together through their horrible histories. Some relationships were easily replaced, but there could never be another Jamie.

Y/n slid her arms around Jamie’s back, stealing some of the comfort for herself.

Jamie rested his chin on her shoulder, shutting his eyes and letting the moment wash over him. The world could stop, just for a moment, and it would be there when they broke apart. But for now, Y/n was all he wanted to feel.

They stayed in the hall, clinging to one another, having only unwrapped the first layer of what all they felt meant.

—————

Heartfirst Taglist: @lalla-04p @optimisticsandwichgladiator @makingmunson94 @taytaylala12 @storysimp @sokkigarden @lightninginab0ttle @poohkie90 @alipap3 @verra-nerevarine @shineforever19 @spaceagechimera @burnafter-reading @qardasngan @cyberpvnk-enthusiast @sogoodtoheritsvicious @buckybarnex @angelsunflxwer @blueanfield @thewildestwonderland @sablecities @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @strawberryacethingz @mentalistfan @tortilla-maria1 @katdahlali @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @glitterquadricorn @jamieolivia27 @imvibin69 @katlizada @lil-tracys @fanaticalfantasist @heyitz-julia @cactajuice @peachyy-tea @notalxx @rockchickrebel @anxiety-prime-max @loveforaugust @jellycolors @actuallybarb @heletsmelovehim @lovinnscarletknight @imfalling-inlove @leslieiscrying @meg-ro @littlemisssunshine192 @beboldbebravethings @maydayfigment @spencerreidsbookclub @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @lemoonandlestars @im-a-weirdo-for-life @mindless-rock (tags cont. in comments ❤️)

[flowersandbigteeth]

is there any chance of getting vampire daddies 🤧💔

idk if this is what you meant...but I've been really wanting to do a mom reader and a lil bb <3

Vampire (Levi) x Single mom reader

Word Count: 2.5k

W: some violence and minor character death, drugging, kidnapping, babynapping, cute baby, sfw vampire fluff, small character injury

“What is she doing here?!” your client Levi Prishdarov growled, baring his vampire fangs at the bundle on your back. He was a massive vampire, looming over the two of you at something like 7 feet tall. His jet black hair hung around his shoulders in loose waves, brushing the red silk house jacket that matched his eyes. It hung open, revealing his alabaster chest, looking like a carved Greek statue. 

Behind you, your six month old daughter, Meryl babbled baby speak and yanked on your hair, pointing at him with one small finger.

“Daaaa!”

You gave Levi an apologetic smile. 

“Sorry Mr. Prishdarov,” you said quickly, pulling your arms out of the fish tank you were working on and wiping them on a rag, “her son-of-a-bitch father ran off, so Meryl’s gonna have to come with me on my runs for a while, I hope you don’t mind. I promise she won’t disrupt my work.” 

You hadn’t meant to be so candid with the Lord of the largest vampire clan in the area, but you’d been under a lot of stress recently. You’d just gotten out of a relationship with your asshole ex fiance after he decided six months after Meryl was born that monogamy and fatherhood were not for him. 

He left you high and dry with a business to run on your own and a baby. He’d taken off with everything in your bank account, so you didn’t even have any of your savings for daycare. Fortunately Meryl was at least big enough to ride on your back while you went around town servicing fish tanks. 

When people asked you about her you’d given up on pulling your punches and trying to talk delicately about the situation. You had no choice but to bring her with you, so you needed all the sympathy and understanding you could get. Occasionally she cried or you had to change her diaper, which wasn't a good look.

He wrinkled his nose at your daughter and took a step forward, examining her. He poked her cheek with a large, cold finger and her eyes got big. She grabbed the digit with her tiny chubby hand and stuck it in her mouth to chew. His cold skin probably felt nice on her poor little gums, sore from teething. 

“You don’t have a wet nurse?” he asked. 

You chuckled. 

“I don’t think they’ve had those around for a hundred years, sir,” you laughed. 

“So you are just carrying her around with you? Exposing her to germs and strangers?!” he gasped. 

You shrugged, handing her a bit of clean tubing to play with in hopes she would release Levi’s finger. 

“I think she’ll be fine,” you assured mostly yourself, but it did concern you that you had to go to all these different places with her. This wasn’t the vision of motherhood you imagined, toting her around like luggage to your jobs, but it was nice spending time with her and she was a happy baby, smiling at everyone and collecting pats.

The hardest part so far had been keeping her out of your clients hands while you worked and in her carrier. They had a tendency to pick her up and tote her off throughout the house. There were odd selfies of her all over instagram with her fans. You worried about her being exposed to so many people, but you were dancing on a delicate line.

Levi glared at the two of you, so you quickly finished up your work to make yourself scarce. Not everybody liked babies and you weren’t surprised a vampire lord would be a little miffed by one. 

–

“Here comes the choo-choo!” you giggled, aiming the little spoon of baby food at Meryl’s mouth. It had been a long day running all around town to refill tanks with salt water, feed and restock fish, and do all the other things a fish tank service person did all with a little cinnamon roll wriggling on your back. 

Fortunately, all the activity had made her sleepy and she was barely keeping her eyes open as you tried to coax her into eating her mashed peaches as you held her, sitting on the bumper of your van. 

You had one more stop for the day, at the house you were parked in front of, and then you could take her home, make dinner, and the both of you could crash until she woke up hungry again. 

You stretched, before strapping a sleepy Meryl back to you and knocking on the door. 

“Hello Mr. Gujek,” you said to the orc standing there. He frowned down at you. 

“Is that a baby?” he asked. 

“She’s my daughter,” you clarified, “her name is Meryl, but she won’t get in my way, she’s passed out.” 

He didn’t look happy, but you ignored it. It was the end of the day and you wanted to get this last job over with so you could get home. 

“Can’t you leave it in the van?” he asked.

You glared at him, setting your things up by his thousand gallon arowana tank. 

“I am not leaving her in the van,” you snapped just as harshly as you meant to, “she’s fast asleep. She won’t cause any trouble.” 

The orc seemed extremely put out, but again, you brushed it off. It was the end of the day, you didn’t really have the patience to get into a long discussion about anything. All Mr. Gujek needed was a filter change and to administer some medicine for fin rot. You’d be out of there in fifteen minutes.

He disappeared for a moment, leaving you with the fish, then reappeared a minute later holding a cup of coffee. 

“I’m sorry about that, I wasn’t expecting you to bring your baby. I was just surprised…” he trailed off more gently, “you must be tired. Have some coffee.” 

You glanced at him from beside the tank and accepted the cup without thinking, taking a sip. Coffee was exactly what you needed after such a long day. 

“Thanks Mr. Gujek, you have no idea how much I needed this,” you chuckled, throwing back a bit more. 

He gave you a tight smile. You went back to replacing the filter, balancing the cup on the tank stand only distance suddenly seemed wonky. As you moved your hands they seemed further and further away and less and less responsive to your brain’s orders. 

“Huh?” you murmured and then the world got swimmy. 

You immediately thought of Meryl, pulling her safely to your front in the wrap you carried her in, as you started to sink the floor, the world getting foggy. Your last thoughts were of protecting her head with your hands as you hit the ground and things went dark. 

—

“I didn’t know she was going to have a baby with her,” Mr. Gujek’s voice snarled at someone. 

Your eyes felt itchy and dry and it took you some time to get them open. 

“I’m not killing  a baby,” he said, “that’s why I called you. Can’t you do something with it? Sell it or raise it as livestock or something? I just want the woman. Just don’t…you know…murder it…that’s bad karma...no, it’s not the same as kidnapping! Whatever, hurry up and get over here!” 

You shook your head, trying to chase the fogginess away but it felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. 

“Meryl…?” you groaned, trying to look around, your panic slowly growing as you realized you couldn’t move your arms and legs and Meryl wasn’t in them. 

You were in a bedroom, chained to a modern, nice bed with a cushioned headboard and expensive sheets.  

“Meryl?!” you cried, looking around. You didn’t see her anywhere! You went into full on panic mode, screaming and fighting your restraints until your bones started popping. You were considering whether or not you could break your thumbs to get out of the manacles when Mr. Gujek appeared in the doorway holding your baby in one arm. 

She was such a tiny little thing compared to the massive orc, it set off every protective bone in your body. 

“Give her to me!” you demanded, “give me my daughter!” 

He gave you a chilly smile.

“You should probably stop thinking of it as yours,” he smirked, looking down at her, “when its new master arrives it’ll belong to him.” 

She glared up at him, tears building in her wet little eyes and it broke your heart. His disgusting hands on her were worse than her father leaving. She waved her little fists as if she could fight him off.

“This is sick you bastard!” you screeched, tears clouding your vision, “I’ll do anything! Anything you want, please just don’t take her away!” 

He crossed the room and sank into the bed next to you. 

“You shouldn’t have had a baby,” he pouted, and Meryl started to sniffle in his arms, “Only I get to breed you…but it is good to know you are fertile. Now there’s no question of that. Don’t be sad. I’ll give you plenty of little ones to love, strong orc babies, better than this one.” 

You heard the doorbell ring and the orc eagerly hopped up as if a pizza had arrived. You heard the front door open and a muffled question. 

“May I come in?” 

“Come on,” the orc said, “I want to get this over with so I can get to playing with my new toy.”  

You heard Meryl crying and the sound of something wet tearing. Was it fabric? Flesh? Your heart pounded and tears rolled down your cheeks. Meryl! Meryl had to be okay!

You struggled with the restraints, trying to keep at the front of your mind that if she was still crying she was alive. You could get to her, you just had to try harder. Pain radiated up your arms as you tried to force your hands through the metal cuffs and blood leaked down your wrists as they scraped your skin. 

There was a wet gurgle and a thunk, then silence and you froze, tears plummeting down your cheeks. 

“Meryl…?” you whispered as your heart went ice cold. 

Heavy bootsteps stomped through the hallway, getting closer and closer until a tall dark figure appeared in the doorway.

“Meryl!” you shrieked, seeing her before even seeing the male holding her. 

She was propped in the crook of Levi’s large arm, chewing on his finger happily. His other hand was dripping blood. The collar of his white shirt with soaked with it and the sleeve of his suit jacket was dark. 

He frowned at you and crossed the room quickly, holding your little nugget under his arm like a china football as he yanked the chains holding you to the bed, snapping them like threads. You held your loose arms out for your baby and he passed her to you. You didn’t even notice him looking you over for injuries and growling at the lacerations on your wrists. 

“Oh thank goodness!” you sobbed, holding her to your chest and covering her with kisses. 

Finally it occurred to you that it was odd Levi was there and you looked up at him. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked. 

He frowned down at you, looking not in the least bit amused. 

“The orc wanted to sell me Meryl,” he said, scooping you both up in his arms and carrying you out of the bedroom. You hid Meryl’s face and tried to swallow down the bile that rose as you passed the mess the vampire had made of the orc and left in the hall. His limbs were all over the place and blood was splattered on the walls. 

When you got outside he passed your work van and headed directly to his limousine. He washed the bloody hand with some supplies he pulled from a small compartment in the vehicle and started dabbing your wrists with whatever cleanser he kept. 

“But…I need to take my van home…” you started to say, but trailed off as his red eyes focused on you. 

“I’ll have someone come collect it, the rest of your things are already being taken to my house,” he said. 

“Y-you’re house?” you asked. 

He looked down at you evenly. 

“My daughter and wife are not going to be running around town going in and out of stranger’s homes,” he said with distaste, “as you can see it’s dangerous. You’ll stay at home where it’s safe.” 

“Wait…what?! You’re what?!” you asked, “We have a home!” 

He nodded. 

“I’m glad we’re on the same page.” 

“I’m not your wife, though,” you said. 

He cocked his head. 

“According to the state of (Y/S) you are, Mrs. Prishdarov,” he said, more cheerful than you’d ever seen him in all the years you’d cared for his stingrays. 

You shivered and narrowed your eyes at him.

“You’re not going to eat us, are you?” you asked, suspiciously and he laughed out loud, displaying a smile you’d never seen before that was very handsome. 

“I’m not going to eat my wife and child,” he said, matter-of-factly, picking up Meryl’s tiny hand between two fingers and gently shaking it, “am I, little baby bat? You are not for eating! You are for spoiling! You are going to be the most spoiled insufferable little girl in the whole world.”  

He looked at her with absolute adoration. 

“Daaaaa!” she gurgled, gripping his finger in her much smaller ones and pushing it in her mouth. 

“I don’t understand. Why are you doing this?” you asked as you stared in awe as your little child innocently chewed on the vampire’s digit that had only moments ago been ripping apart an orc twenty times her size. 

His eyes flashed and his opposite hand found your cheek, his cool fingers drifting down your face. 

“Because I’ve been watching you,” he said smiling, “since you suggested the rays to me in the fish store. I’ve become fascinated with you.” 

You'd met Levi at the fish store you'd worked at a few years earlier before your business had taken off. It was a high end boutique for salt water fish and you'd sold him on the stingrays.

They'd always been your favorite and you'd wanted some yourself, but there was no chance you would ever have the money for an enclosure large enough.

You had no idea, the entire time you'd been coming over to his house, servicing his fish tank Levi had been growing more and more attached to you. He'd pined after you, especially, while you were pregnant and delicate, infuriated that your fiance let the little, round mother of his child waddle from house to house working on fishtanks. He sighed.

“I thought I had more time to seduce you after I ate- I mean, I-ah, since…whatever his name was…disappeared,” he frowned, “but of course a pretty thing like you would be popular and attract all the wrong sort. That’s the curse of beautiful women, isn’t it?” 

Your eyes widened at him. 

“B-but I’m human…” you said. 

Surely a vampire clan lord didn’t want a mere human and her baby. 

“And you will remain so until you’re done nursing…then we’ll discuss a more permanent arrangement,” he replied. 

You gasped. 

“A more…permanent-”

“Shhh, you are very tired my little guppy,” he cooed and you felt your eyes getting heavy as he looked into them with his swirling irises. 

No! Not again! You tried to fight it, but your world went foggy and your hands went limp around Meryl. When you were asleep, Levi arranged you against his chest and smiled down at his new baby girls.

“Daaadaaa!” Meryl babbled sweetly at him as she tried to grab at his fangs. 

“That's right! Don't tell your mama but I killed your sperm donor, little baby bat,” he said in his own baby voice, gazing into Meryl's big eyes and gently wiggling her tiny toes.

He lifted her chubby little foot to nibble it and smiled, “now I’m your daddy. Can you say dad-dee?”

She stuck her foot in her mouth and waved at him with her pudgy hands.

"Daaaaaaa-drrrreeeee," she tried and they both grinned.

[itsmarsss]

Scandalous [Blitzø x Fem!Succubus!Reader x Stolas] (Helluva Boss) Bonus - Friendless Horse-Fuckers And Their Sissy Lifestyles

How the mighty do fall. (Getting into a weird three-way situation with an imp and a succubus isn't exactly considered classy, Stolas)

If there's one thing all members of I.M.P. can agree on, it's their distaste for visits to the Greed ring.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | pt. 6 | pt. 7 | pt. 8 | pt. 9

Warnings: this chapter does not interfere with the plot of the series. mentions of sex all around as usual, Chaz deserves a warning of his own cause hes annoyin, Crimson does too cause he's awful. This is basically just the exes and ohhs episode just for funsies. There's a hint somwhere out here of something important that will happen in a future chapter, i doubt yall can figure it out!!

Word count: 5,630

Business was low today. 

So much so that you, Moxxie and Loona had been hanging out in the meeting room, just on your phones, for almost an hour now, while Millie had gone out to get everybody lunch, and Blitzø was in his office doing who-the-fuck-knows-what. 

Moxxie turned off his phone, staring at Loona for a few seconds before speaking. “You know, I checked the scale today. It says I lost two pounds this week,” he boasted.

Loona looked up from the screen, only long enough to roll her eyes at him, uninterested. Now that had to be a new type of bored, as usually she wouldn’t miss any opportunity to irritate him by pestering about his weight, which you knew she and Blitzø only really did because they new it wasn’t a real issue- it just made him mad, and they found it hilarious to see him so exasperated. 

And it worked every time- this time she didn’t even having to say anything. “I. Am not. Fat!” 

The door was kicked open with full force, grabbing everyone’s attention, and Millie entered the room, fuming with anger. 

She walked back and forth around the room, each heavy step making it tremble, as she mumbled incoherent insults under her breath. She obviously needed to let out some steam, so you pulled up one of the human cardboard cutouts you used as targets for training for her, and, sure enough, she attacked it instantly, tearing it to shreds with her bare teeth and claws as she let out borderline animalistic shrieks.

Moxxie shot you a scared look, to which you shrugged, in a silent message of ‘she’s your wife, you talk to her’. He cleared his throat. “Millie, honey? Everything okay?”

She full-on hissed at him, but he wasn’t really bothered by it. She took a breath, giving herself a second to calm down and talk to him. “Yeah. I just… bumped into an ex.”

You and Loona immediately whipped your heads around to  see Moxxie’s reaction. He tried to seem cool.  “Oh! Ohh…”

Millie kept on complaining, her accent thicker than ever, like it always got when she got truly mad. “He just kept going on about how he has money now, and… a bright future! And a bigger cock!”

“Wait, what?” Moxxie questioned, clearly taken aback by the last statement. (Which was a pretty fair thing to be taken aback by.)

“Every time I see his stupid face I can’t help it, I just need to…” She let out a yell, angrily punching the closest thing to her. This time’s victim was the file cabinet beside her, which she took down with one punch, sending the contents of it flying out onto the floor.

Blitzø walked into the room, phone in hand. “What the fuck is all this noise? I got a client!”

“Sorry, sir, I’ll get this all cleaned-” Moxxie kneeled on the floor to collect the mess. “What is this?” He wordlessly held out a really disturbing picture of two imps… in horse costumes… kissing each other. In a rather… gross way. 

Blitzø was a freak, that you already knew all too well, but that doesn’t mean any of you wanted to see any of whatever this was. You made eye contact with Moxxie and pretended to gag, making him let out a laugh.

Blitzø walked up to him, grabbing the photo and taking a look at it. “Uhhh, it’s research. For science.” He let go of it, making his way back out of the room. “Put it back correctly, okay? I alphabetized ‘em.” 

Sometimes you’d find out about weird shit like this and wonder how it was possible you let this man fuck you every single month. Then the full moon would come around again and he’d shut you right up.

You kneeled on the floor next to Moxxie. “I’ll help you out.” Millie was still out of her mind and Loona didn’t really give a shit, so you and Moxxie began putting everything back in place by yourselves.

You barely had any time to do so, though, because in a minute Blitzø was running back into the room and straight towards the big window. “What the fuck is that?” He asked no one in particular, making you, Moxxie and Millie follow him to the window to see what he was talking about. There was a funny-looking helicopter outside, flying dangerously close to the wall-

There was no wall anymore. 

Really, this was getting ridiculous. How many more times would you have to pay to get this stupid wall rebuilt? 

Blitzø seemed to be thinking of the same thing. “Satan’s ass crack, enough with the walls! We have a door!” The wind sent most of Blitzø’s weird pictures flying outside, which you were kind of thankful for. He, in turn, hated it. “My research!”

“It’s not the end of the world, I’m sure you can get more freaky horse porn later.”

“Hey that’s not what that is!” He tried defending himself, crossing his arms over his chest.

The helicopter flew closer to the newly created enormous hole on the wall, extending out a ramp so you could make your way inside of it. “I.M.P.? Right this way, please,” the pilot called. 

You instinctively grabbed your dagger, and saw Millie and Moxxie pull their own weapons out as well. 

“Uh, sir… what’s going on?” Moxxie asked Blitzø, who simply dismissed the imp’s preoccupation with a wave of his hand. 

“Nah, don’t worry, it’s just some fancy schmuck from Greed wanting to do business with us,” the boss replied, climbing onto the ramp. Well, if he’s sure it’s okay. The three of you followed him, putting your weapons away.

Moxxie still seemed extremely unsure of the situation. “Uh, sir? I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“It’ll be fine. Now get your asses moving.”

All four of you climbed into the tiny space inside the helicopter. You sat next to Millie, who tried putting on the seatbelt, but realized it was broken. “Uuuuh, is this thing safe?” Taking a better look at it, there wasn’t anything in there that didn’t look much too used or somehow broken. 

“Don’t worry! We are professionals!” The pilot guaranteed. You shared a look with her- that hadn’t eased your worries at all. Anyhow, they took off, on your way to the Greed ring. Now that’s a ring you didn’t enjoy visiting all that much.

Moxxie voiced similar thoughts, but sounded much more than just irritated over it. “Ugh, I hate this place.”

“Oh, yeah! This is your old stomping ground, isn’t it?” Blitzø remembered.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Moxxie looked out of the window, pointing somewhere down. “I grew up just over there. Swore I’d never come back, and- uhhhh… uhhh, what- what- where are we going?” Oh shit, you were flying precisely towards the place Moxxie had just pointed out. His expression went dark, almost… scared. “Blitz, who did you say this meeting was with?”

“I’m not sure. Just some rich somebody or other who wanted to discuss biz at his place.”

The helicopter finally landed, making Moxxie more exasperated than you’ve ever seen him. “Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!” He was literally trembling in fear. This was where he’d grown up, and he was clearly expecting something terrible. But then who could have been the one to call Blitzø up here?

An imp who look freakishly similar to Moxxie, save a few things here and there and the obvious difference in age, walked out of the front door. “There he is! There’s my boy. Get over here and give ya daddy a hug!”

“Daddy?” you, Millie and Blitzø all asked in unison, shocked. 

Oh. OH. This was bad, wasn’t it? Because it seemed really, really bad. 

None of you really knew anything about Moxxie’s family, as he never really did want to discuss any aspect of his past. You all respected that, letting him tell you only whatever he felt comfortable to. But you did know he did not like speaking about his father in any circumstance whatsoever, and never, ever visited. It wasn’t that difficult to fill in the gaps and realize the man probably sucked. And if he had to do all of this only to trick Moxxie into meeting with him it was certainly because he knew there was no way in hell Moxxie would have agreed if he was simply asked to.

Looking at Moxxie himself was confirmation enough, too. Eyes wide and mouth agape, hands curled into fists in either side of his body, and the slight tremble that still coursed through him, you’d say he looked equal parts pissed and terrified. That surely couldn’t be good. 

“I only let Moxxie call me that. Unless ya pay me!” The man laughed an exaggerated laugh.

“Guys, uhm,” Moxxie cleared his throat, visibly uncomfortable. “This is my father, Crimson. Sir, this is my boss, Blitz, my friend, y/n, and my-”

“Millie! I’m his wife!” Millie offered the man a handshake, eagerly introducing herself. 

He took her hand, kissing the back of it instead of shaking it. “And what a beautiful wife you are. Mox, where you been hiding this pretty little thang?”

Millie visibly cringed a bit, embarrassed that Moxxie’s father apparently didn’t even know he was married. “Oh, I’m sure he would have introduced us… eventually.”

“Oh, I’m sure, sweetheart,” he agreed before turning to you. “And you’re a… friend, then?” He checked you out, amused, but didn’t bother taking your hand. 

“Yup.”

“Must be a really trusting relationship the two of you have that you can be friends with this one, Mox.”

Millie looked stunned that he’d even say that, and Moxxie fumed at the out-of-line comment. You couldn’t form any words to reply.

He moved on to shake Blitzø’s hand. “And you gotta be Blitz, with the silent ‘o’. Right?” Blitzø looked weirded out, but let the man place an arm around his shoulders. “I’ve heard a lot of good things about you and your work.”

“Really? What kind of shit has Moxxie been spreading about me? I’ll fucking kill you, Moxxie, don’t you fucking test me-”

“No, no! From all over! Looks like you’re building a bit of a name for yourself here, kid.”

“Really? Huh, well I guess it’s about time folks recognized my talent.” This seemed suspicious all-around, but Blitzø was letting himself get wooed by all the compliments. Crimson laughed exaggeratedly at his comment, which only solidified your thoughts of him trying desperately to get on his good side. No one’s that funny.

“I like your attitude. Well, I hope you’re all hungry. We put together a fabulous dinner for ya!” Blitzø followed him inside, and you took a last look at Millie and Moxxie behind you before heading in as well, leaving them to talk among themselves. Crimson didn’t seem to think like you, though, yelling out for them and interrupting whatever moment they could have to talk. “Hey, you two. Move it! Before it gets cold.” They followed suit.

Crimson led the four of you to a small, dark room with a bar, two couches and a couple chairs. It all looked very fancy. Moxxie had never let it slip that he’d come from this much money.

Moxxie and Millie sat down next to each other on one of the couches, and you and Blitzø sat side by side on the other one.

Crimson poured a glass of whiskey for Blitzø, and Blitzø only. Classic. “So, Blitz, were you always a hitman?”

“No, not always. You know, I was in the circus for a long time.”

Crimson sat back on his own chair, right across from you. “Show business! Good money in that.” The room fell into an awkward silence as Blitzø downed his drink and he lit up a cigar.

Moxxie spoke up. “What are we doing here… sir?”

It was weird to watch Moxxie refer to someone other than Blitzø as that. You didn’t even think he should call Blitzø that, honestly, but that was for him to decide. But to call his own father something so impersonal? The man had to be strict motherfucker.

“Moooxxiee, I raised you better than that. Ya know there’s no business before dinner! Besides, we’re still waiting on one more.”

One more?

As if perfectly on cue, the door was kicked open, and in made his way a shark demon with a stupid haircut, his energy not matching the one in the room at all. “Woo-hoo-hoo! What is up, party people?”

“CHAZ?” Both Millie and Moxxie asked, wide-eyed, at the same time. “Wait. What?”

Moxxie pointed between Millie and the Chaz guy. “You know him?”

Millie facepalmed, letting out a groan. “You remember that ex I was talking about?” Oh, so that was the guy with the bigger cock or whatever it was? 

He walked up to stand behind the couple, squishing them together in an uncomfortable embrace. “Looks like I have two big sex reunions today! How lucky am I?”

Oh fuck. “Did you date him too?” Millie asked Moxxie, both still trapped in the shark’s embrace.

He was the one to answer, too, letting out a laugh, full of himself. “Yeah. No big deal, but I usually bone half the people in any room I’m in.”

You couldn’t even imagine what could have possessed both Moxxie and Millie to date this asshole. What a big fucking upgrade to date this asshole and then to marry each other. That did not seem to be where Blitzø’s mind had wandered with all this. “Are you fucking kidding me? There’s someone who’s fucked both of you?” 

“Blitz. Not the vibe, at all,” you elbowed his side and he rolled his eyes. 

“What? It’s true!”

Moxxie pulled himself free of Chaz’z hold. “It was a long time ago,” he mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

The demon wouldn’t let it go, though. “But I remember it like it was yesterday. You, a fledgling mafioso, and me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle. It was like it was written in the stars!”

Wait. Moxxie had been in… the mafia? You took a better look around the room, taking in the two huge demons with angry expressions guarding the door, the exuberant display of wealth through the decorations, the guns all over the place, the- well, everything. In hindsight, how had you not put it together that Crimson was a mobster the moment you stepped into the estate?  It put a lot of stuff into perspective, actually. You couldn’t really imagine Moxxie ever choosing to be in the mob, but his father being a big shot in it? That changed things. It made it a non-choice, an obligation to fulfill.

Blitzø seemed to be processing the information as well, but he was never really known for getting hints, so you knew he wasn’t trying to be inconvenient when he let out a purposefully obnoxious laugh. “HA! Moxxie in the mafia, that’s fucking rich.” His mocking grin slowly turned into a look of realization as he took in the place just like you had. “Oh, shit.”

Millie’s eyebrows raised in concern “you’ve never told me this before!”

Moxxie looked a lot like if he’d merge himself into the couch seat if he could. It was clearly a touchy subject he’d purposefully kept everyone unaware of. It did surprise you that he’d kept it from Millie too, though. “I- I don’t really like to talk about this part of my life, but…” oh boy. It was flashback time. 

Moxxie was a dramatic at heart, and the moment before he’d start telling a story was always recognizable, as he adopted a very specific way of speaking. “I first saw Chaz at my induction into the family. Our eyes met from across the room, and there was just something about him. Something… that was… magnetic!” He great great at setting the scene too: you could almost see things unfold as he went on about how he and Chaz came to be.  

He dwelled on the memories for a moment. “It’s been 84 years…” Was he quoting titanic right now? 

You realized that, but you couldn’t wrap your head around Blitzø noticing it too. There’s no way he’s sat through three hours of Titanic, is there?  “Ain’t that from that boat movie?”

“Did any of that stuff actually happen?”  Millie questioned.

“Ohhh, yeah. But he skipped over the jizz covered parts,” Chaz replied. Satan, was this guy inconvenient. 

“Anyway… things changed when we went on a heist together.” Moxxie went on about how it was supposed to be a simple robbery until things went wrong. He got stuck as they tried to escape, and Chaz ran off with the money, leaving him to be caught. It ended up with him getting thrown in jail, and that part of the story you did know, for he and Blitzø had told you all about it before, as it’s how they met. He’d never told anyone what had gotten him there in the first place until now. 

“Once I got out, I never looked back.” He seemed proud of that last statement. Millie, on the other hand, was focusing on another part of the story, and it was making her growl.

Chaz seemed uneasy, and it was within reason to feel uneasy: she clearly had intentions to rip him to shreds. “Well…” he pulled on the collar of his shirt, nervous. “It was a long time ago.”

“I’ll fucking kill you!” She yelled out, not a moment of hesitation before attempting to jump on him, who hid behind Crimson’s chair like a coward. 

“Crazy bitch!”

Millie pulled out a knife in pire, blind rage. Okay, maybe now was time to do something about this before things got messy. As much as you didn’t really care if the asshole lived or died: he should die for what he did to your friend and also… he was an all around annoying dude. But it probably wouldn’t be any good to have her kill a mob boss’ special guest. 

Thinking along the same line as you, Moxxie and Blitzø pulled her back to stop her, and you carefully grabbed the knife from her hand. She breathed heavily, but stopped fighting. The anger wasn’t going anywhere, though. “You should die, bitch.” Again, fair.

A maid calmly walked into the room, completely unfazed by the chaos happening in it, to announce the food had been served. 

At the dinner table, Millie’s eyes shot daggers at the shark imp, who ate happily by her side, Moxxie’s expression got more depressing by the second, and Blitzø was visibly antsy. You were unsure what to do as you waited for someone to break the silence. 

Unfortunately, the person to do so was Blitzø. You love him (well, maybe not love him, but you get the gist), but man, was he not blessed with the gift of good timing. “So. This is aggressively uncomfortable.”

You twirled a piece of meat around on your plate with a fork, looking at him. “No shit.”

“I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking.”

“I suppose ya wanna know why ya here,” Crimson finally said.

“Yeah, so what gives? I mean, you know we kill people on earth, right? We don’t normally do contracts for locals.”

“Not anymore,” you chimed in.

“Yeah. So if you wanna do business with us, you gotta-“

“I don’t wanna do business with I.M.P.” Crimson stated. “I wanna do business with Moxxie.”

Moxxie all but jumped on his seat, startled. “Me?”

“Yeah. I summoned I.M.P. to be sure you’d show.” Oh, so he was well aware Moxxie wouldn’t have shown up otherwise. He said it with no shame either. “Because, well, we’re bringing Chaz into the family.”

“What? Since when can just anyone join the family?”

“Come on, Mox. You had responsibilities here that I had to pick up once you left. Now Chaz is going to lighten the load.”

“Wait. I thought you always hated his guts.”

“Well, I don’t know if I exactly hated him…”

“You called him a ‘friendless horse-fucker’ and said we lived a ‘sissy lifestyle’,” Moxxie reasoned, an eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah, well, I was wrong,” his father shrugged. “You’ve been gone a long time, Mox. A man can change.” From what you’d gathered about him in this short time you could hardly believe that was the case here, and, from the looks of it, Moxxie didn’t, either. He had the nerve to keep going. “And so has Chaz.”

“Yeah, I’ve grown! Matured! And recently came into millions!” He displayed a smile. 

Oh, how convenient that Moxxie’s father had changed his mind about him just when he became rich. Chaz leaned back on his chair. “But, you know, mostly the mature thing.”

“Oooh okay. So the horseless friend-fucker over here gets a little moola and suddenly it’s worth wasting our time over?” Blitzø questioned, annoyed.

“Well, I’m the whole package! If you know what I mean,” he winked. What did he mean? He didn’t seem to have any redeeming qualities, let alone ones that could ever make him ‘the whole package’. He rolled his eyes, explaining himself: “I got a big dick.”

Millie looked over at Crimson. “What does any of this have to do with Moxxie?”

He finished his food in no rush. “There’s gonna be a ceremony tomorrow. Moxxie here is going to officially release his holdings in the organization. Then you can get back to ignoring ya family to ya heart’s content.”

Millie stood up to face him. “Maybe he wouldn’t ignore his family if they didn’t force him to rub elbows with a no good shark-toothed fuckface!” In an instant, she had her knife to Chaz’s throat again. 

When did she even retrieve it from you? 

“Hey, look, everybody! Relax. I know tensions have been high tonight. Say, why don’t ya stay here and get some rest? We’ll have the ceremony tomorrow, and then you will be free to leave. I have your rooms all prepared!” Free to leave? Was he offering for you to stay or demanding it? 

There’s no way you’d be staying here with- 

“Yes, sir,” Moxxie agreed without questioning, standing up from his seat, defeated. 

“Mox?” Millie asked, a silent question of ‘are you sure?’ lingering along with his name.

Moxxie said nothing in return, only turning around to make his way out of the dining room. It was his father. His house. His choice. So you all stood up to follow him to your rooms.

You’d barely made your way out the door before his father called for him. 

“Just give me a minute, Millie. I’ll be there,” he reassured her before re-entering the dining room, leaving all of you to be accompanied by one of the mansion’s employees to the bedrooms. 

Millie was visibly worried, and it was nothing but understandable. Moxxie was clearly uneasy and extremely uncomfortable with all of this, and there were moments during the night when he’d looked genuinely scared. You intertwined your arm with hers as you walked the long hallway, a silent gesture that told her you shared her worry and were there for her. She half-smiled at tou in return, acknowledging it.

Suddenly, all of you had to stop on your tracks, as it was impossible to ignore the fact that the ceiling and all the decorations decorations in the hallway were now all covered in… dildos. You tried conjuring anything else that those could be, but that’s what they were, which was fucking weird. What the fuck was the purpose of that?

Blitzø found it the funniest thing ever. “HA! There’s dicks in the walls! Now that’s fucking hilarious!” You laughed with him, rolling your eyes before pushing him to keep walking. 

After being showed your designated rooms, you mention waiting for Moxxie with Millie in their room so she wouldn’t spiral being on her own, but the imp guiding you insists you stay in your separate rooms, which, again, is fucking weird. He’s so adamant about it, though,  that Millie just tells you to let it go.

“You sure you’re fine?”

“Yeah. Mox will be here in a second.”

“‘Kay. I’m right here if you need me. Right?”

“Right.” She nods before disappearing into her room.

You make a face at the imp waiting for you to get inside your room. “I need to go to the bathroom.” He points to the end of the hallway, and you make your way inside. 

By the time you get out, he’s not around anymore. You calmly walk towards your bedroom, taking your time checking out the decorations on the walls (the dildos are gone by now) as you go. Before you get to your door, Millie slams hers open, threatening Chaz out of her room, pulling him off the floor by the collar of his shirt and pointing her knife to his throat for what’s… what? the third time that night, alone?

“Damnit! This usually works!” He complains.

She lets go of him and drops him back to the floor before slamming the door closed on his face. He stands back up, eyes scanning the hallway, when he makes eye contact with you, immediately raising his eyebrows in a stupid suggestive way. “Hey there, hotstuff.”

“Nope,” you say, booking to your room. You slam the door closed, not even giving him any chance to try anything funny. 

“I could show you a good time, ya know?” He yells from the other side of the door.

“No thank you! Go bother someone else.” 

“Your loss, bitch!” 

Well, you forgot there actually was still someone he could go bother. You groaned, shoving a pillow over your head when you started hearing the noises. And the noises were loud. You didn’t want to think about it.

After a while, you finally began drifting off to sleep. When sleep came, though, it lasted barely a few minutes before someone started banging on your door. You get up, angry that your sleep was ruined, and walk up to it, ready to tell Chaz off again. When you open it, though, you’re met with a disheveled Blitzø, wearing nothing but his underwear and chaz’s jacket, instead.

“What are you doing?” You asked him, annoyed.

“I got this,” he held up a shark-shaped keychain with a couple of keys attached to it. 

“And what is this?” 

“Chaz’s car keys.” 

You’re definitely awake now. “Why the fuck do you have that?” 

“Come ooon,” he grabs you by the hand and drags you around the mansion all the way out to the parking lot. 

“What are we even supposed to be doing here?” You whisper as Blitzø clicks a few times, and the two of you followed the car’s noise, finally finding it. 

“Look, nobody who’s that bad in bed can score two hotties that easily. He gotta be hiding something,” he explained as he pried the passenger door open and looked inside.

“Really, that’s your conclusion? Maybe he’s just a prick. A prick who’s bad in bed, that’s not unheard of, is it?”

“You don’t understand.”

“That bad?”

“That bad.”

“Okay.” You don’t know why, but you find yourself pleased to hear Chaz wasn’t a good time. One might call it jealousy, but that would be dumb. It’s just nice to know you fuck him better, that’s all. Whatever.

“Ha-ha! Found it.” He held out a piece of paper in triumph. 

“What’s it say?”

He handed the paper over to you, and, clear as day, it read the words: ‘eviction notice’.

“So he isn’t actually rich?”

Blitzø made his way around the car, opening up the trunk and trying to find something there, which he did- yet another piece of paper. You walked up to stand beside him, reading the words at the same time as he did. 

Chaz’s Mastur Plan

Rent suit 

Convince Crim im rich

Marry Moxxie to get into family

???

Profit $$$

Holy shit. He’s here to marry Moxxie?

You have no time to say anything about it, though, as you feel something poke your neck and, in a second, you’re out.

You don’t know how much time has passed since you fell unconscious, but you know it’s been something around ten minutes since you and Blitzø have regained your conscience (mostly, at least, seen as you still felt pretty groggy and Blitzø wasn’t really speaking too coherently), only to find yourselves to be trapped inside the trunk of Chaz’s car. That fucker. 

The two of you barely fit together inside the tiny space, so it was a little hard to try to blindly kick your way out. Thankfully, it didn’t take long until Millie came to your rescue, opening the trunk up to let you out. 

“Oh, Millie, you found us!”

“Who’s your friend?” You asked her, finding it funny that the two guys behind her had appeared out of thin air with how quiet they’d been. 

“Friend?” Millie asked in return, confused. You then clocked that they were, in fact, not friends. 

“Ohh.”

Millie turned around, giving the two imps no time to even think of doing anything before slashing one’s throat with her knife and decapitating the other with the trunk door. She looked fucking cool doing it. “What is going on?” She helped the two of you out, and it took you a couple seconds to be able to catch your balance and stand up straight.

Blitzø immediately started going off about everything you’d found out. “That seductive dickhole is trying to marry Moxxie, and he’s not even rich!” He stumbles over, falling face-first to the ground. 

“Is that true or is he tripping?” Millie asked you. 

“It’s true.”

“Moxxie!” She called out, running back towards the house as you helped Blitzø get up. Suddenly, all the paths that led out of the parking lot and into the mansion were automatically closed, trapping the three of you there. You couldn’t even imagine what Moxxie was going through right now. “Everything’s locked out! How’re we gonna get in?”

“The keys!”

“What?”

“The keys!” You nudged Blitzø’s arm.

“Oh! Fuck! Right!” He fished Chaz’s car keys from his pocket, dragging you and Millie to the car and getting the engine running as soon as he stepped inside. “Buckle up, girls, we’re doing a Shrek.” That always has been his favorite part of the movie.

He stepped on the gas with all he could, driving the car into the wall, obviously smashing it in the process, but successfully getting through it. If you felt dizzy then, you were both so much worse now. He tried stepping out of the car, holding a finger up to finish his dramatic entrance. “I object!” He fell to the ground again. 

Thank Satan Millie could handle herself. 

It was so cool to watch her kick almost every single one of those guy’s asses that you even didn’t bother doing much more than the necessary (which you were pretty thankful you could do, given the way everything seemed to be spinning), only handing her random stuff she could kill them off with and occasionally stabbing someone. 

After every single one of them had been taken care of, Millie wordlessly picked a horrifying-looking tied up Moxxie up from the altar and carried him along. You know she left Crimson and Chaz live only because of Mox.

Still, Chaz had the nerve to speak up and complain. “Hey! What about my weddi-” Millie shoved one of the dildo things down his throat, effectively shutting him up. Fitting. 

“This ass is mine!” She yelled at him.

“By the way, y’all should probably know, Chaz isn’t even rich, okay?” Blitzø yelled out.

Crimson’s eyes widened. “What?”

You grinned. “Yup! You should try checking out his car!” 

“Ha! He just played you like a fuckin’ rube!” He flipped Crimson off, and you did the same. You smiled when you realized Millie was flipping him off as well as she walked away, not even bothering to face him as she did.

“Later, losers!” Blitzø announced, and you all hopped into the helicopter again, which Millie somehow, for some reason, could operate, finally on your way back home from this wreck. 

You and Blitzø helped Moxxie out of the restraints and pulled the tape over his mouth, which still left him in the bizarre wedding dress, but at least he was safe.

Getting there, you could see Loona was somehow in the exact same position she’d been when you’dall left the day before, sitting with her legs propped on the table and her phone in hand. 

Moxxie beamed at his wife. “Millie? Thank you for saving me. You’re amazing.”

“Next time just tell me if your daddy’s a psychopath. I can handle it.”

“Well, and I’m glad everything ended up okay! Good to know we both have daddy issues, Mox.” Blitzø slipped in the middle of the couple, and you were sure whatever came out of his mouth next would be inconvenient at best. “Also! I got to plow your ex boyfriend!” See? “Isn’t that great? Now all three of us have fucked the same guy! Does it feel weird that I fucked your ex, Mox?” He nudged him with his elbow, purposefully annoying him. 

“Extremely.”

“I’m glad I’m not a part of that club,” you commented. 

“Hey now, don’t pretend we don’t fuck the same guy too. Present tense.”

“Oh, come on, that’s totally different. You’re telling me you wouldn’t feel weird if I had fucked one of your exes?”

He takes a moment to ponder it. “Yeah, actually. That would be weird,” he decides. “But ya haven’t, so… I don’t feel ashamed at all,” he shrugged, sporting an annoying little smirk. 

You rolled your eyes at him.

A/N: Chaz was fun to write cause he's so utterly stupid lol. But yeah this is just for fun, we'll have a few of these bonus ones throughout the series! Hope y'all like it <3

[napakmahal]

You and tadashi arguing about “who snores the loudest” and Hiro comes in with receipts ((you both snore and keep him awake sometimes))

Since moving out Hiro was always over at your place. After school most night he would take the later bus and go to your apartment instead of going back to the cafe. Aunt Cass got silence and Hiro got to hang out with his brother who he swore he didn’t miss.

Your kitchen still wasn’t broken in yet so you just bought takeout rather than cook. Mid bite, you yawned and quickly covered your mouth with your hand.

“That’s like an eighth time you’ve yawned.” Hiro observed with his form dragging along his plate.

You swallowed. “Yeah it cause your brother keeps me up at night.”

“What? Me!” Tadashi’s shrieked with offense. “You keep me up.”

Hiro dropped his fork and gagged. “Holy shit, you guys are fucking gross.”

“What?” You asked, still confused. Until it hit you and your own face contorted into disgust. “Ugh, ew. No, I mean your brother snores loud enough to shake the fucking walls.”

“Oh,” Hiro calmed down and shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, you really do.”

Tadashi dramatically dropped his fork onto his plate and struck his hands up. “Why is everybody ganging up against me? Okay, do I snore? Yes, but only when I’m like deadly tired.”

“So you’re deadly tired all the time?” You asked.

Tadashi scoffed and looked directly at his little brother. “See, she wants you to think she’s so soft but she snores so loud I’m considering getting her a sleep apnea machine. I think she has a deviated septum.”

You leaned over and slapped him in the arm so loud it made a ‘crack’ sound. He whined at the feeling and started rubbing his arm. “You’re such a liar.”

“I’m the liar? Me?” He laughed.

You looked over to Hiro. “Okay, you’re sleeping her tonight, right?”

He simply nodded.

“Okay, so just make sure you’re secure on your bed or else the absolute waves your brother makes might kick you off.”

Tadashi just gave you the finger but smiled so you know he was joking as he started collecting your dirty plates.

That night you slept in your shared room with your brand new mattress that took weeks to show up and was delayed twice. Hiro went to sleep on your pullout but not before plugging his phone and leaving it on.

That morning when you got up, Hiro was already up on his phone. Grocery sized bags drooping under his eyes.

Tadashi came walking out of the shower with wet hair and looked at Hiro laying there on his phone. “Shit dude, did you sleep.”

“Yeah you look horrible.” You said muffled by your toothbrush and mouth covered in foamy toothpaste.

“No I did not sleep, you guys are so fucking loud.” He reached over to his phone that had been recording the sounds coming from your room.

Embarrassed and deflecting, Tadashi whacked Hiro on the side of the head. “Why would you record that. What if we weren’t sleeping, then what?”

Hiro dropped his phone in his lap and you almost let your toothbrush slip out of your mouth. Hiro’s jaw was practically dislocated with a face of horror. “Why the fuck would you say that to me?”

[thetinyadventurer]

Weird realization to hit me at 6 in the morning but here we go! Mole’s line to Helga on the Ulysses:

To me this implies that Helga was the one who had to go and collect everybody for the expedition like freaking Black Widow in The Avengers. I can just imagine Mr.Whitmore going. “Okay, Helga, we’ve got a lot to do! Go and notify the people on this list!”

Helga: -looks at list, sees Mole’s name- -irritated eye twitch-

Helga (in her head): “Oh, god, why me?”

Helga (out loud): “Yes sir, consider it done!”

It also makes sense to me because in October of 1914, when the movie takes place, WWI had already started in Europe. Mole would’ve been a pretty damn good trench digger! I just imagined this little round guy in the middle of the trenches having the time of his life digging holes (laughing creepily the entire time).

I can just see Helga putting on a helmet and zipping through the place trying to find him and being like. “They don’t pay me enough for this crap!” Also, wow, if that’s the case then she probably had to go grab Vinny, too. And the dude was a demo expert which would’ve been invaluable to the war effort! Which makes me wonder how in the world Mr.Whitmore managed to get those two out of their respective countries? Did he pay the brass or something? That would make sense because I *think* that some people paid their way out of recruitment?

(I’m going to double check this as I’m not 100% sure).

I have to do more research on this.

Also, Helga’s family are multi-national (her Mom is German, her Dad is American) and she comes from a military family. She’s 30, the oldest of five or six kids, the rest of which were boys, so her brothers would’ve been old enough to be drafted into either army. So now I’m wondering if the reason she was so desperate to get the money from selling The Heart of Atlantis was so she could pay for her brothers to not have to fight? Which would’ve been a pretty damn cool motivation in my opinion! But, hey, it’s just a thought. -shrugs-

[lolathestoryteller]

kisses and quarrels (April 5th prompt; Laugh) @jilymicrofics

I’m back with another everybody lives au drabble (which kinda ended up being a bit longer than intended); Jily, little Harry & uncle Padfoot! read below :)

„We‘re heading out!“ Lily calls out from the entrance hall.

There’s cluttering coming from the kitchen, before James and Sirius step out into the hallway, both their faces smudged with flour.

“Have fun— wow, Harry! Mate you…look like a puffskein.” Sirius cackles, before looking at Lily. “How many layers‘s he wearing?”

“It’s cold out, alright? I’d like for my son not to turn into an ice cube.”

“Yeah,” Sirius chuckles. “He definitely won’t freeze…might float away though, won’t you? Just like a ballon!”

Harry, who’s been busy walking up to his Dad, giggles happily at his godfather’s funny face.

“Hilarious.” Lily says dryly.

Sirius‘ smile turns into a smirk at once, making her instantly regret her choice of words. “It’s Sirius, actually.” he states smugly, before he and James dissolve into laughter.

Lily tries her very best not to smile as she strides over to collect Harry from James’s arms. “Sometimes I really think I should question my choices,” she says teasingly, glancing up at James. “Marrying such a jester.”

“Oi!” James complains, before leaning closer to her face. “You love this jester.” he smiles, and Lily, despite her efforts, blushes. “Yeah…” she replies softly. “I’m afraid I do.”

She leans closer, until her lips brush his, closing her eyes as they share a gentle kiss.

Sirius’ groan makes them part after only a moment though, and both of them chuckle as they notice his overly dramatic frown.

“Ugh,” he whines. “Please, my eyes!“

“Sod off, Padfoot.” James laughs, bumping his friends’ shoulder, before kissing Lily again — loudly this time, and with way too much of a grin on his face.

Lily rolls her eyes, but all too gladly allows for Sirius to dramatically gag as she kisses him back — that is until they’re, once again, interrupted, this time by a small pair of hands, pushing their faces apart.

“No.“ Harry protests, with an expression that so perfectly and very unfortunately mimics that of his godfather. “Gwoss.”

Sirius barks a laugh, one that only increases as he spots James‘ dumbfounded expression.

“Did our two year old just say we’re gross?”

“Sorry mate, you’re officially embarrassing your kid. The pleasures of parenthood, right?” Sirius jokes, slapping James on the back.

Lily sighs, hiding her amusement behind a raised eyebrow. “He’s not embarrassed,” she says as she adjusts a squirmy Harry on her hip. “Right Harry? You aren’t embarrassed of us?” she asks sweetly, nuzzling his cheek. “Maybe a little of Dada…”

“Lily!” James cries dramatically. “You’re supposed to be on my side here!”

“Of course I am, dear,“ she replies with a nonchalant shrug. “It’s just fun to tease you.”

“Yeah, yeah…” James rolls his eyes, though with a warm smile on his lips. “Go on now, we’ll have dinner ready when you come back, I hope.”

Lily is doubtful they would, at least not without magical help and some healing charms. “Just promise me you won’t blow up our kitchen again.” she replies pointedly.

“I will make no such promises.” Sirius replies cheekily.

“We’ll manage,” James says genuinely. “Promise.“

Lily smiles, before turning her attention back to the toddler currently wiggling about in her arms. “Yes, yes, I know,” she says as she bends down to let Harry walk by himself. “You wanna go now, don’t you?”

She waves at the boys once more before taking Harry’s little hand into hers. „Harry, say bye bye to Daddy and Sirius.“

Harry nods excitedly, raising a little hand to wave at the men. „Bye bye!“

„Have fun with Mummy, Snitch!“ James waves back.

„And don’t float away!“ comes Sirius‘ reply, earning another giggle from the toddler.

Lily can only roll her eyes as she guides Harry outside. „Your uncle Padfoot is a bit silly sometimes, hm?“

„Funny!“ Harry replies happily, as if trying to correct her.

Oh dear, Lily thinks, glancing at her son with a soft smile on her lips, he’s the son of a Marauder alright.

[lottiette]

Hi sweetie!! you're very good, I really like Billy fics, would you like to do one where Billy introduces his (still unofficial) girlfriend during a family dinner?

I would love it, hope you have a great day 🫶

luv u

Billy Thunderman X Reader

“What Are We?”

summery- Billy I introduces you, his unofficial girlfriend, to his family.

Authors note: Hey Anon! Thanks for the request. I apologize that this is kinda short and maybe not the best. I couldn’t really think of ideas but I hope you enjoy this. Feel free to provide feedback and advice.

Word count- 833

Warnings- none.

You were with Billy in his room studying for upcoming exams. It was more procrastination than studying but…you know. When you arrived there no one was home yet. It was just you and Billy. Nora went to hang out with some friends and everybody else was somewhere out. Nora came home at some point coming into the room to hang out with yall for a few minutes, then a few hours later you heard the door open and a middle aged woman speak, “Kids! We’re home.” “OKAY!” Billy and Nora yelled down. You and Billy continued to study, mess around, play fight, maybe kiss a few times. Who knows?-

Around 5:30pm another yell came from the middle aged woman. “Dinner is ready!” You hear a bunch of foot steps running down stairs. You huff, “Well, I guess I’ll take my leave now then.” You start collecting your things and Billy stops you, “Why? You don’t want to stay for dinner?” “Well I mean, there probably isn’t an-“ he cuts you off “Nonsense, stay and eat. I know how much you like food.” “I wasn’t really invite-“ “You’re invited! Plus I’m sure my family would love to meet you.” “Are you sure?” “Totally. Come on!” He grabs your hand and starts running down stairs with you(not with his powers)

You both make it down stairs to the kitchen and see his whole family already there. They all turn and look at you. You stand there awkwardly Quasimodo-ing into your self. “Um Billy who’s that?” The woman who you presume to be his mother asks. “Huh? Oh! This is ‘reader’.” “‘Reader’ this is my mom,” his mother shakes your hand “I’m Barb. Nice to meet you.” You nod and speak shyly, “nice to meet you.” “This is my dad,” His father gives you a firm hand shake, “Hank.” “My older brother Max and my sister Phoebe, they’re the twins.” “Hello” Phoebe say pleasantly while Max just gives you a head nod and a “sup” “and you already know Nora, and my little sister Chloe.” “Hi everyone nice to meet you” “When did you get here?” “Earlier. We were studying.” You say sheepishly. You look at Billy with an awkward face and smile. He just smiles back nodding with a bright grin. “So- Are you two dating?” The question catches you off guard, “What?” Your voice a bit high pitched “No- we-we’re not-“ You stumble over your words trying to explain but Hank saves you. He clears his throat “let’s eat lasagna.” “Yes let’s”

You all laugh and communicate at the table you. “So how long have you two been friends?” Phoebe asks you. “Uhh like since the beginning of the school year.” She nods. Slowly as time went on the conversation got less awkward and you actually started having a good time. You ate 3 plates of lasagna and later had dessert. Eventually it was time for you to go home. All the Thundermans wished you farewell. Barb liked you so much she insisted that you come over again for dinner soon. You’re about to open the door to leave, your hand hovering over the door knob but you don’t open it you swiftly run back over to Billy give him a kiss on the cheek “Bye sweetness I love you!” You cheerfully state then run back out the door. Billy is standing there smiling “Bye I love you!” His family stares at him shocked. Max leans to Phoebe, “HAH! I told you they were dating! 20 bucks.” Billy notices his family’s mouths agape. “She does that sometimes.” He says shrugging with a soft blush. “So are you two da-“ You come running back in this time soaking wet and a bit out of breath. They all stare at you. “It is pouring out there.” You’re dripping water. “Are you alright?” Billy approaches taking your freezing hands. Then thunder-monitor comes on. “Warning, tornado watch.” “Well you can’t go back out there” Barb states with concern. Barb continues, “Why don’t you stay here for the night honey?” “Oh I can’t do that to yall Mrs. Thunderman.” “No really it isn’t safe. Please stay till It clears up.” A loud thunder and lightning strike. “Yeah- okay. I’ll stay.” “Here come on. Come to my room.” Billy takes you by the hand and leads you up to his room. “Thank you Thundermans.”

In Billy’s room he gives you a towel, his shirt and some pant/shorts. (It’s your choice if you decide to wear the bottoms.) After you’re dried off and changed you and Billy cuddle up in his bed. You start whining, “My belly hurts!” “You ate a lot.” “It was delicious.” He holds you as he laughs and tucks your hair behind your ear. A movie is playing on his tv and you feel so comfortable in his arms but then your mind starts wondering with a question.

“Billy what are we?” …

[miniwheat77]

Save a horse. (Tommy Miller x Farmhand!Reader.)

(I read a fic that mentioned the cowboy hat rule, cannot for the life of me remember which fandom or who the fic was about but that’s a bit of my inspo for this.)

!NSFW, animal death, animal attack, guns, wounds, virginity loss, unprotected p in v sex, 18+ MDNI!

"Who's that?" Joel asks Sarah. He spots a very tired looking girl, she's got plain jeans and a band shirt on. Her face is bruised to hell.

Joel is parked in the drop off line outside of Sarah’s school.

"Oh.. that's Y/N. She's a super senior."

"Why's her face all messed up like that?" He's confused. Sarah sighs. "Nobody really knows but.. before she turned 18, CPS would get involved a lot so.. it's rumored her dad does it." Sarah shrugs. "Jesus." He shakes his head. Tommy sits in the passenger seat. Glancing at Joel. "You friends with her?"

"No."

"Why not?" He asks. "Cause.. nobody likes her." She shrugs. "Excuse me?" He turns to look back at her. "Dad." She huffs. He looks at Tommy. Tommy glances back at her. "Not cool dude. Maybe she needs a friend." Tommy looks back. "Yeah well, I don't. So whatever." She rolls her eyes. “She’s a super senior anyways, she’s way older than me.” She mumbles. Climbing out of the car to go up to the school. "Christ in heaven I thought I raised her better than that." Joel shakes his head.

Tommy shrugs. "She's a kid, kids are cruel."

"Yeah, now to drop you off." Joel rolls his eyes. "Don't even start with me Joel."

"You're lucky this guy is allowing you to do farm work for community service. If not, you'd be picking up trash off the side of the road like everybody else." Joel laughs. Tommy is on probation for a few months along with a thousand hours of community service. He had his work cut out for him.

The drive is quiet, Tommy is nervous but he knows he shouldn't be. The farm isn't too far out of town, maybe fifteen minutes or so, which is nice.

Joel drops him off at the gated dirt road that leads up to the farm and Tommy says he'll call a cab for a ride to Joel's. That's where he's staying for now.

Tommy makes his way up the dirt road, up to the massive farmhouse that's a little dingy. It needs new siding and paint. He knocks at the door, glancing around to get a good look at the farm. "What?" The man opens the door. He's gruff, an old man. "Hi, I'm Tommy. I'm supposed to help out for some community service." He explains. "Ah, nice to meet ya. I'm Jacob." He shakes Tommy's hand, he's got a firm handshake. "Let me show you around." He mumbles. He wastes no time to get right to the point.

For the next couple of hours he shows Tommy everything he's gonna be doing. He shows him how to care for the animals. Driving the extra farm truck to haul hay bales out to the pastures for the cows, feeding the chickens and collecting the eggs. Making sure the animals are in their designated pins at night, and to let them out in the early morning. It doesn't seem too tough.

"Me n my wife are going out of town tonight to pick up some furniture or some shit. Whatever the ol' lady wants. Be gone a few days. The kid will be here to help you figure everything out."

Tommy nods. "Kid?" He asks. "Ah. It's a girl I took in when she was a baby." Tommy wonders why he didn't call you his daughter. "She not here?" He asks. "No. She's at school right now." Tommy nods. "Anyways, we got a little guest house. It's small, you can stay there while you work on the farm if you want. The commute to get here at 5am sucks." He nods. Tommy nods. "Thank you sir. I appreciate it."

When all of the morning work is done, Tommy retreats into the guest house to check it out. It is small, about the size of a shipping container. Just like a tiny house. But it's perfect, considering Tommy has been staying with Joel. He takes the time to call Joel and let him know where he'll be staying and not to worry about him, then he takes a nap until the evening farm work.

When it's about time for the later farm work, he hears the loud diesel farm truck disappearing down the dirt road, letting him know that Jacob and his wife had left. He makes his way out, thinking he's alone when he catches a glimpse of a girl carrying a bucket into the hen house. He makes his way across the dirt road and walks up to the entrance where she is. He opens up the chicken wire door.

"Hey." He smiles. When you turn to look at him, he recognizes you immediately, by the massive bruise you have around your eye. "Hey, you must be Tommy." You say, turning back. Your attire now is far different than it was. Boots, bootcut jeans, and a wife beater. You had gloves on your hands. "Yeah, I didn't catch your name." He reaches a hand out and you shake it. "Y/N." You nod. He smiles. "Right, nice to meet ya. I'll be your farm hand for the next couple weeks" he laughs. You smile. "Cool."

"Your dad is cool with leaving you here with a stranger?" He tilts his head. "He ain't my dad. He knows I can handle myself. But he really doesn't care what happens to me." You mumble. He nods. "Right. Seems that way. That's a hell of a shiner, girl." He laughs. He can see you stiffen slightly. "Yeah, his wife packs a hit."

"She hits ya?"

You nod your head. "Nothing but a drunken bitch." You mumble, tipping the bucket of feed over for the chickens, they all start flocking at your feet and you step over them to get away. Tommy follows you around. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be." You laugh.

"He show you around?" You ask. He nods his head. "Cool. Thanks for the help Tommy."

He stops following after you, figuring that he should start on another side entirely and help you. He'd meet you some time down the line.

For the next few days, it's the same. Every morning you're awake in the early morning helping Tommy with the work load, every night you're doing more work. He wonders how you balance it with school but you seem to figure it out. He imagines that’s why you’re stuck in high school for another year. Probably held back. He can only imagine how this work takes a toll on your schooling.

Tommy is finishing up work, you've been inside a while now. He was just finishing up putting the chickens away when he hears commotion from the stable. An area Tommy was told not to worry about, Jacob said you'd handle it because you knew the horses better and he didn't want Tommy getting hurt.

Tommy understood.

He can hear the horses going crazy. Something definitely isn't right. He thinks about going and looking for himself but decides he should go get you instead. Feeling bad that he's pulling you away from your free time once more.

He makes his way to the farm house and knocks at the door. You open up the door, looking at him. You're still wearing jeans and that wife beater you like. Only now he can see you don't have a bra on. Your jeans hug your hips and ass just right. He needs to focus. "Something wrong?" You ask. "Uh.. well. Yeah. I just hear the horses going nuts, something doesn't sound right." He explains. "Alright." You nod. Cracking the door for a second. He doesn't see you reach for the table by the door, grabbing the pearl gripped handle, tucking it into your waistband and covering it with your shirt.

You follow him out to the stable and when you step in front of him to enter, he spots it.

Realizing why Jacob trusted you to hold your own.

He smiles to himself. He follows you inside, seeing you shine a flashlight into each of the stalls, but the stall on the end has the lock broken off. "Shit." You mumble. "What?"

"Horse got out." You mumble. You can see in the dirt where she'd taken off, so you follow her hoofprints. Your flashlight passes along the disturbed dirt. You spot the other footprints right away.

"Wait." You stop immediately, Tommy nearly runs into you.

"What?"

"Mountain Lion." You glance. You can't hear anything.

"Shit, stay close Tommy." You mumble. Starting to walk faster.

After a few minutes of walking. you can hear her. Your fast walk turns into a full sprint.

"Shit!" He hears you. You shine your flashlight up, now he can see it, the cat holds onto her back. Clawing at her. "Tommy, ears!" You yell. You grasp the pistol out of your waistband and draw it, aiming at the cat. Tommy covers one ear as you fire the gun a few times. He hears the cat yowl, letting go of the horse and running off. Clearly wounded. Both of your ears ring.

You stand back for a second while your horse continues to panic. She's in a frenzy, bucking and spinning in circles. You start walking slowly toward her, soothing her as you move toward her. "Shhh... it's okay. It's alright." You breathe. Hearing your voice alone she starts to settle. Eyes wide and she shakes her head. She's hurt. You get even closer, reaching out and petting along her neck to calm her.

When she's finally calm, you grab hold of her reigns and start walking back toward the stables with her.

When you get her back, finally getting a good look at her. You can see the deep gashes and bites on her backside. "You can head in Tommy. M'just gonna clean her up." You mumble. "Nah, I want to help. Tell me how I can." He mumbles.

You look at him, almost shocked. Like you're not used to people helping you. You start telling him how to help you. You flush her wounds and dress them, patching her up. Asking Tommy to get you some stuff here or there, but most of the time he just watches. When you're finished, you hesitate. The sun is starting to rise.

"I can handle the morning work if you wanna get some sleep."

He laughs. Your horse is back inside the stable, the door now repaired thanks to Tommy. "I'm fine, darlin." He laughs. "I can sleep when morning work is finished. Maybe you should go up and get some sleep before school."

"Nah, I won't go today." You grasp the gun off of the workbench. "I'm gonna go after that cat, make sure it's dead."

"Alone? I don't think so." He mumbles. You laugh.

———

He helps you find the cat. Seeing that it hadn't made it far from where you'd shot it. You're a good shot. Tommy helps you pack it back to the house. You dress it and skin it, telling Tommy to get started on the farm work while you cut it up. It surprises him at first, there's seemingly nothing you can't do. But he knows the meat is useful, it definitely won't go to waste.

He listens this time. Starting in on the work and letting the chickens out. A few hours later he catches up to what you've already finished. Your half of the work. He spots you sitting up in the hay loft of the barn, legs dangling over the edge. It's been almost a week of Tommy working here. Your dad has been gone nearly this entire time. Your face is even mostly healed.

He makes his way up the ladder, walking up behind you. He sits down next to you, dangling his legs over too. He's tired, exhausted really. But he's not worried. He sits next to you in silence. You'd gone in and taken a shower. Your hair was still damp. The collar of your clean wife beater was nearly transparent from the water. He could smell your body wash and whatever it was, it smelled really good. He felt bad, he still hadn't cleaned up.

"How old are you, Tommy?" You break the silence.

"Ah, I'm 32." He mumbles. "And you're doing community service why?" You turn to look at him. He laughs. He gets embarrassed. Usually Tommy didn't mind telling a funny story of him putting some asshole in his place, but when it comes to you, he feels different. Like he needed to be good, he didn't want you to think of him as some convict. "Cause I'm a dumbass."

You raise an eyebrow.

"I like to drink and have too much fun doing it. Get myself into trouble sometimes." He laughs. "Yeah, a fight?" You look at him. "Mhm. Some guy mouthing off to me in a bar." You nod your head. "Was it worth it?" You look up at him. You're clearly judging him. "Well. I suppose you wouldn't have got to spend time with the coolest guy ever if I hadn't.. so." You roll your eyes with a scoff. "Whatever." You laugh. "That stuff is stupid, yknow?" You look at him. He smiles. "I know. You think I'd learn." He mumbles.

"You a cowboy Tommy?" You ask. "Not really nah." He mumbles. "So what's with the cowboy hat?"

"Had it for a long time." He shrugs. You nod. It's a light colored cowboy hat. "Why don't you wear one?" He asks.

"Not my style."

"Yeah, you like band shirts right?" The words have left his mouth before he realizes just how creepy it will sound.

You look at him in surprise. "I.. wait." He laughs. "I ain't a creep, my Neice goes to the same school and I saw you walking in the doors. A few days ago." You nod. "Gotcha." You mumble. "Who's your niece?"

"Sarah Miller."

You nod your head. "How’d you know it was me?"

"That big ol' shiner made her dad point you out, asked how you got it. She's kind've a spoilt brat." He mumbles. You nod your head. "Right." You laugh. "So.. why don't you wear that stuff at school?" He asks. You shrug. "Don't really want people to know. They're mean enough to me as is." You laugh. He nods. "What's with the wife beaters here? Why don't you wear that stuff at home?" He asks.

"I wear these jeans cause they go around my boots. Wear boots cause I'd ruin normal shoes in just a couple days with mud and stuff. The jeans go over the boots so I don't get stickers and thorns in them. And I rip holes in my shirts and get stains all over em. You can buy like 5 of these in a pack at Walmart for cheap and it doesn't matter if I ruin em." You pause. "And I just wear that stuff to school because they're not farm clothes. Not exactly my style anyways." He nods.

"Makes sense to me. I don't know why I keep the hat. Just like it I guess. Never really had a reason to wear it."

He adjusts his hat and you smile, reaching for it. He catches your wrist. "Ah- you know the cowboy hat rule." He smirks. "What?" You look confused.

"You take a cowboys hat, you have to ride the cowboy." He smirks.

Your eyes widen slightly. "I didn't know that, actually. Thanks for your info Tommy, you pervert." He laughs. "Keeps girls from taking hats, right?"

You stand up, snatching it off of his head. "Does it?" You smirk. You take a few slow steps backward. He turns back to look at you. "Oh, it's like that huh?" He smirks. He stands up, looking at you. "You gonna run from me, hm?" He smirks, taking slow steps toward you. You set it down on your head, tugging it down slightly. "How about you come take it back, big boy." You smirk. He makes a move toward you and you go to turn around to run away but he's faster, grasping onto you. You try to squirm out of his grasp, laughing. He makes a 'tsk tsk' sound with his tongue. You squirm even more, until the both of you are tilting over into the hay, a gasp leaving your lips when you land on top of him. "Shit-" he laughs.

Your cheeks are beat red as you straddle his waist.

He picks up his hat that had fallen at some point, propping himself up on the hay bale. "Why don't you show me what you got, cowgirl." He smirks, setting the hat back onto your head. "Don't think you're ready for it."

"Think you'd be surprised." He's sly. You gnaw at your lip for a second.

"Fine." You mumble. You reach for your waistband.

He looks at you in surprise. He really didn't think he'd get this far. Once you've got your jeans off completely, his hands are on your hips. He feels bad because his hands are dirty. You deserve a better situation. You work at his jeans, unbuttoning them and unzipping them. Tugging the waistband of his boxers down to free his cock. He hisses when you clutch him in your hand. Your hands are soft.

You move up onto him, raising yourself onto your knees and lowering yourself onto his cock. The fat tip of his cock presses past your folds, you swallow him up. "Oh fuck-" he gasps. You lower down around him completely. You squeeze around him, wincing slightly. He catches it, but assumes it's just because you're not used to him.

"Shit." You rock your hips forward. He groans out. "Damn baby. You're so tight." He grits his teeth, seeing you smile.

Your nipples harden and he can see them under the wife beater you've got on. You never did put a bra on. He hisses. "I think I like this more than your band shirts darlin'" You lower your head to where he's looking, seeing the way you look. You roll your eyes. "Yeah, don't want every guy starin' at my tits all day, Tommy." You roll your eyes, the entire time you haven't stopped rocking your hips into him. Bracing yourself and lifting off of him. He notices you don't seem to be all of that into it, not at first anyways. It takes a little bit before you relax into him. Letting out small pants. He glances down, swallowing hard when he sees blood. "I didn't mean t'hurt you honey. Been a while? You even been with a guy as old as me?" He sees you roll your eyes.

"No, and no it hasn't been a while. It's been never." You laugh. He grasps hold of your hips to stop you. "What? What do you mean?"

"I've never done this before."

His eyes widen. "Shit-" he stops you completely. "Why didn't you say something? I wouldn't have-"

You laugh. "That's why I didn't say anything." You cut him off.

"Y/N..." he hesitates.

"Tommy. I'm a big girl and I know what I want. You ain't hurting me, I'm fine. Now shut up." You shake your head, rocking into him. He hisses. No wonder you're so tight.

He flips you over. Rutting his hips into you. He slows down, giving you time to adjust to him properly and taking his time with you. You really start to react to him, clutching onto him. Your eyes are slightly wider than before. Pupils blown out. You're letting out little mewls and cries and it's how he knows you're getting close. Tommy has been riding the edge for a few minutes. Not wanting to cum too fast and embarrass himself.

"T-Tommy." You grit your teeth. "I.. I think I-"

"Look at me darlin'" he says through gritted teeth. "Look at me when you cum sweet girl. Show me how you do it." He smiles. You look up at him, clutching onto his shirt. He hits his high the same time you do, thrusting into you harder than he intends. Hearing you cry out when you cum. Eyes rolling back before they screw shut. He doesn't pull out. He fills you right up with his cum.

He tries not to blush, having been so long since he's been with someone. Tommy doesn't think he's ever been with a Virgin before. This was new for him. "I'm sorry if I hurt ya."

"You didn't.. I got blood all over you though Tommy. 'M sorry." You blush.

He shakes his head. "I don't care baby, you know that. I care more that I made you bleed."

You shake your head. "It didn't hurt that bad. Nothing I couldn't handle." You mumble. He laughs, moving to lay next to you on the hay. He traces your lips with his thumb. "You should've told me. Coulda made your first time at least a little more special. It's supposed to be."

"I don't think I would've wanted it any other way Tommy." You laugh. "Just.. pretend like I wasn't."

"I can't do that. To be honest. It's.. the best I've ever felt." He runs his palm down his jeans. He's tucked his dick back into his jeans by now. Clearly Tommy had liked it, way more than you thought he had. You laugh. "Stick around and maybe it won't be your last with me." You mumble, standing up. "Cmon. I'll let you use the bathroom in the house to clean up. Sure Jacob has some old shorts lying around while I wash your jeans." You nod.

A couple hours later, Tommy's jeans are hung up on a clothes line to dry and he lays in your bed next to you, wearing a pair of old shorts that haven't been worn in decades.

You're sound asleep next to him. His phone buzzes with a text.

Howdy Tommy, Jacob here. Turns out the ol' lady likes it in the big city. Y/N is gonna be pissed when I tell her but you and her are gonna be taking on all the work load until the farm is sold.

Tommy swallows hard. This was about to drive a wrench right through his plans.

Thanks for the heads up Jacob. I can always break the news to her if you don't want to. But outta curiosity, how much are you going to sell your farm for?

There ain't much to it anymore. The house is pretty run down. All we got are just some horses, cows, and chickens. Probably a couple hundred thousand.

I'd be interested. Maybe we should wait to tell Y/N. If I buy it, she's more than welcome to finish out her school here.

Tommy swallows hard, glancing at you as you slept. He wondered if you'd hate him or love him for this.

Sounds good to me Tommy. Either way the girl would figure it out.

———

A couple weeks later, the farmhouse is fully in Tommy's name. He drained his savings for it, but it's his. And it's the only thing Tommy has ever had. And even though Joel thought it was a horrible idea, Tommy didn't. Not as long as you were here. Tonight, he was breaking the news to you.

"So uh.. can we talk?" He asks.

Your relationship had been strictly platonic after that day in the hay loft. You hadn't made another move and Tommy hadn't pushed. But since Jacob had been gone for so long, he'd been helping you cook dinner and he'd been inside the house a lot.

He figured you'd be really mad at him after he tells you what he's about to. You sit down on the couch across from him. Opposite him and between the two of you lies an antique coffee table. "What's going on?"

"A couple weeks ago.." he sighs. "The morning after uh... the hay loft." He laughs. Looking down at his hands. They're entwined together in his lap. "I got a text message from Jacob." He mumbles. Running his hand over his stubble. "He said that uh.. his wife liked it in the big city." He looks up at you.

"He ain't coming back, is he?" You ask.

Tommy hesitates for a second. Shaking his head. "He.. said that you and I would be working here until he sells the farm."

He can see the tears gathering in your eyes. "But.. did he say anything about me? About where I go? My horses?" You stand up. "Hey- just sit down alright? Relax." He breathes. He makes his way round the table, sitting down next to you. "He told me how much he was selling the farm for. It wasn't all that much." He bites at his lip. "But no. He didn't say anything about you. And he said everything goes."

You look down. "Why did you wait so long to tell me this?"

"Because. I just.. had to think about some things alright? But the farm sold."

He can see your heart break in your chest, so this is where he needs to say it. Your eyes are fixed on the coffee table in front of you. Tears pool at your waterline but you don't let them fall.

"He sold it to me."

Your eyebrows narrow, eyes drawing up from the coffee table to look at him. "What?"

"I bought it from him."

You say nothing else for a minute. Before standing up. "Tommy, I'm sorry but are you stupid?" He laughs, surprised at the words coming out of your mouth.

"This farm is nothing but a burden. The work sucks and it's worth nothing!"

"You really think so?" He smiles.

"Tommy. You had the opportunity to leave all of this behind and forget about this stupid farm and everything on it. I would've forged his signature on anything you needed to get away. Why didn't you?"

"Cause.. Y/N." He smiles. "I'm nothing but a fucking wreck outside of this farm. Having something that relies on me like these animals, it gives me something to keep out of trouble for. And I don't mind it all. I quite like it actually." He laughs.

"Now.. for.. what I was gonna bring up." He wipes his eyebrow. "You're more than welcome to stay. You don't have to move anything at all, you don't even have to help me with the work load like you do now, just focus on school n I'll take care of ya. On one condition."

You look at him.

"I'll need your help fixing it up." He smiles.

"Okay." You nod. Looking down. "Okay Tommy. Thank you."

"Hey. No need to stress alright? We'll get this farm back in business and get this shit handled." He claps his hands together. "But it's late and you got school tomorrow, so you better go get some sleep." He smiles.

———

For the next couple months, Tommy sells a bunch of old farm equipment and spends every single dime putting it back into the farm. The biggest thing that needed updating was the farm house and the barn. He focused on those things and even had Joel out to help him with it. When the farmhouse and barn were completely updated, it really started coming together.

They had new siding, new paint, the insides were completely updated and remodeled. Even Joel couldn't deny just how nice it looked. The kitchen had brand new countertops, he got your bathroom sink working and not leaking for the first time in your life. It was amazing.

After that though, Tommy hit a dry spell.

Tommy spent the next few months doing contract work with Joel. Outside of bills, he saved every single dime he made. After the winter was over, he started in on everything else and since you had graduated. You slaved away day and night helping him alongside Joel.

You drew up some plans with Tommy and completely changed everything about the farm. Made an entire blueprint for where the animal pins will be, where they'll fit best. He fixed up the horse stables, and found a few new animals to add to the farm. He got in new calves, sold off some cows, got more chickens and added ducks. He even helped you start a garden and it seemed to flourish.

It didn't take too long after that. Once the farm was in the swing of things, it had already paid for itself along with all of Tommy's debt and he didn't owe a single thing aside from regular bills. But groceries didn't cost much since he grew his own, he had a massive savings account for any reason at all. Maybe some vet bills here or there. But that was it.

Joel was proud.

"I gotta say little brother, I'm impressed." Joel nudges him with his elbow. "Trust me, if you're shocked, I'm even more shocked." He laughs. "You've done pretty damn good. I mean this is the longest you've been off probation in how many years?" Joel laughs. "Ah. I think I'm over all that stuff. I love it out here. No people to piss me off. I'm always busy so I got no free time to fuck this up for myself. I think I'll hold onto it." He smiles.

"I gotta ask though." Joel's eyes follow your form as you walk out of the newly finished chicken coop.

Same tight bootcut jeans and a wife beater. "What about the girl?"

"What about her?"

"Why'd you take her in? Trying to play dad?"

Tommy laughs. "Oh god no. Y/N.. she's about like talking to a fifty year old woman. She doesn't get bossed around and she's a good girl. Works real fucking hard." Tommy slicks his hair back. "Jacob is a real prick, I only met the guy once though. You know the story. I couldn't just tell her to get lost."

"You ain't like.. in a relationship with her or something like that... right?"

"Nah, nothing like that." Tommy's cheeks flush.

"You said that like you wouldn't be mad if you were."

"Well.. we're definitely past the friend stage if you know what I mean." Tommy laughs, leaning up against the fence post. "Jesus Christ Tommy. The hell happened? That girl is real young." Joel shakes his head. "She's over eighteen Joel. And It only happened once, 'bout a year ago. Couple months after I first got here." Joel nods. "What exactly happened?"

Tommy laughs. "She took my hat."

Joel is confused for a second, realization crossing over his face when he realizes the kind of hat Tommy has on.

Tommy leans off the post and starts walking away. "Jesus Christ." Joel rolls his eyes. "Cowboy hat rules Joel!" Tommy calls to him. Joel starts to follow after him. "Crazy motherfucker.." he shakes his head.

———

You sat across from Tommy, you'd made him dinner.

You couldn't be more grateful for Tommy coming into your life. You'd most likely be in some dingy apartment in the city or on the streets. He saved you pretty much. Thats why you'd gotten him a gift. You had just finished dinner, Tommy was looking at his phone. "If you wanted to go get some sleep, I'll pick up." He looks up at you. "Alright." You smile. "Before I go though, I got you something." He looks up at you. You pass over the box. It's a gift box and he looks confused.

"What's this for?" He asks. Sliding it closer to him. "It's.. a thank you." You mumble. He opens it and sees snake skin. "It's a hat band." You mumble. "Was gonna go for copperhead but the western diamond back had the rattles crossed over each other on the front." You blush. "That's awesome." He smiles. "Show me how to put it on?" He asks. "Yeah. Course." He takes his hand off and sets it down. You pick up the hat band and slide it down onto the cowboy hat. Noting to steal it and clean it for him later because it's dirty. Once the hat band is on, he places it back on his head.

"I appreciate it. This couldn't have been cheap." You roll your eyes. "Doesn't matter how much it was. It's to say thank you. For.. takin' care of me." He smiles. "I'll always take care of you, alright? Besides. I need help here. Even when you decide to run off at some point." He laughs.

"Now go get some sleep honey."

You stand up and push your chair in, going to walk past him.

Just as you pass by, your hand moves up. Snatching the cowboy hat off of his head. He turns to look at you. Flirty smile on his lips. "Orrr..." you smile. Setting the hat right on top of your head. "Maybe we can pick it up later." You've got an evil grin on your face. He stands up. "Think I like your idea better." He chuckles. He walks toward you, lifting you up so you can wrap your legs around his waist, carrying you up the stairs. "This is how it should've been for your first time, you know?" He smiles. You roll your eyes. "I think if someone asked me 'how'd you lose your virginity?' And I told them it was in a hay loft with a farm hand, it'd be more interesting than a bed." You smirk. He laughs. Rolling his eyes.

"You're somn else." He mumbles. He sets you down at the edge of the bed. Reaching for his waistband. You were actually wearing shorts and a t-shirt for once. Something you'd picked out. He offered to buy you better clothes but you didn't want them. Just wanted the comfortable ones.

He takes a deep breath as you tug your shirt over your head. Seeing all of you for the first time. When he's gotten his clothes off and they're discarded on the floor, he's back on the bed. You're crawling on top of him. Making due, cowboy hat rules after all.

You line him up with your entrance, he gasps when you sheath yourself on his cock. Feeling your tight walls once again. You look down at him. Raising your hips up and watching him grit his teeth as you rock into him. He tugs you down, your chest flush to his and he kisses you for the first time.

He doesn't let go, even when you're ready to draw back for air, he keeps you there. When he finally pulls away, you sit back. Sitting straight up on him now. Your nipples are hard, lips blushing and swollen from his now. He glides his hands up your hips and cups your breasts in his hands. Toying with your nipples. Your hair is damp with sweat and it's the sexiest thing Tommy has ever seen. You. All you. How the hell he got himself here after nothing but being a complete ass, he'll never understand. He runs his hands up your thighs, resting his palms on the tops of them. "Stay." The words leave his lips before he has time to stop himself.

You pause your movements. Chest rising and falling with each breath you take. "What?"

"Stay here with me."

"I'm.. here Tommy." You breathe. "No. I mean.." he hesitates. "I want you here with me, always. I know you hate it here but.. I can take care of you."

"Are you.. asking me if I'll-"

"I want you to be mine. Here. Forever."

Your lips start to part in surprise, your eyes seeming glossed over. "I don't hate it here Tommy. To be honest.. it's the best it's ever been. I didn't want to leave." You shake your head. "I'll stay Tommy. But you have to stay on the straight and narrow. If you start to fuck up, I'll leave." You look down at him. "I wouldn't dream of fucking that up. Not with you. Not here."

You rock your hips into him again. Picking up the pace. "You're mine, I'll show you." He breathes. He grasps you, flipping you over like he'd done before. But this time, he doesn't slow. He's more rough than before, fucking you. He wants you to feel him. Every bit of him. He holds onto you, tight. He keeps you steady as he hammers his hips into yours, the bed frame slamming into the wall with each forceful thrust he takes. Tears gather in your eyes, not sure if you were exactly ready to take this much force but you were going to. You can feel that knot forming in your stomach. The coil wound up tight, you cry when it snaps. Sending you spiraling. Your pussy clamps down around Tommy's cock and he hisses.

He can feel you throbbing around him and it sends him into his own orgasm. Whining out. Again, he doesn't pull out. Your eyes widen when you can feel him. All of him. You're full, his warmth settles between your legs and he collapses on top of you. He's panting.

Right here, right now. This is nothing Tommy imagined he'd ever want. But it's what he needed. And he was so grateful for it.

[ckret2]

Guess who's finally satisfied with part 3 of "Human Bill Cipher (In A Purple Bedsheet Toga) Attempts To Get His Revenge On The Pines"! (Real title TBD.) Here's the masterpost for the whole fic. 7/30/2024 now edited for TBOB compatibility. When we last left off:

For all Bill's struggling, flailing, and wheezing, he couldn't do much from beneath an entire school bus's worth of Mabels and Dippers. Voice thin from crushed lungs, Bill demanded, "What—how—where did you come from?!"

The entire population of Mabels grinned. The one sitting atop the pile crowed, "I think you mean... when did we come from!" Her duplicates cheered.

"Two hours from now," a Dipper added. "Our bus gets here in two hours."

####

Two hours from then, Mabel, Dipper, and Waddles got off the bus from California and looked around the bus stop with wide smiles.

Mabel's smile faded when she couldn't spot anybody. "Huh, I thought Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford were meeting us. They got here this afternoon, right?"

"Maybe their flight was delayed?" Dipper suggested—then spotted another Mabel and Dipper running up. "Whoa, what—?"

At the top of his lungs, the new Dipper shouted, "AMBIDEXTROUS PLATYPUS FARTS!"

Mabel cracked up. "WHAT?"

Dipper gasped. "It's my password! After all the evil clones and shapeshifters and bodysnatchers we dealt with last summer, I came up with a secret password—"

New Dipper cut in, "—so if I ever came up to myself and claimed to be a time traveler, I'd know I'm telling the truth!" New Dipper and New Mabel skidded to a stop. "We have an emergency, guys. Bill is back—"

Mabel cut in, "Wait, Bill-Bill?"

"Bill-Bill!" New Mabel said. "And he's possessing a tourist and about to shoot Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford and Soos right now!" She paused. "I mean—right now, two hours ago."

New Dipper handed a time tape to his double. "You've got to go back to 5:18 p.m., take Bill down, and take his laser and this tape away from him! And then... do that again a bunch of times in a row, I guess."

New Mabel added, "I painted an X in the future so you'll know where to tackle him in the past!" She offered a can of red spray paint to her double. "Here, you'll need this."

Dipper dropped his duffel bag and shrugged off his bulging backpack. "We don't have any time to lose! We'll come back for our luggage later. Let's go, Mabel!"

She dropped her bags as well, and the four twins sprinted for the Mystery Shack with Waddles chasing as fast as he could.

Until Mabel skidded to a stop. "Hold on! We've got a time thingy, right? We don't need to hurry! We can just jump back to 5:18 from any time."

"Oh, yeah." "That's true." "Good thinking, me!"

The original twins retrieved their luggage, and the group headed toward the shack again at a leisurely stroll, with Waddles trotting happily between the two Mabels. The evening weather was lovely.

####

"What about you, Bill? What are you doing here?" Dipper demanded.

"Yeah," Mabel added, "I thought you were stuck in that dumb book we chucked into another universe! What happened to that whole thing?"

Bill let out as heavy a sigh as he could manage when pinned down by a ton of teenagers. "Well..."

####

This is where Bill's explanatory flashback would be, if he were cooperative.

He wasn't cooperative.

####

"You actually thought I was ever really gone? Boy, look at gullible over here!" Bill laughed.

The Dippers and Mabels exchanged a collective look, and without a word, shifted so more of the pile was weighing directly down on Bill.

He wheezed. "No sense of humor."

"I've got his time tape!" one Dipper shouted, holding it above the crowd.

"And I've got the laser," a Mabel called, waving it in the air. "Can I keep...?"

Ford gave her a stern look and held out his hand. She sighed and handed it over.

"Okay, Mabel Number One here!" another Mabel shouted, shaking her spray can. "Everybody move forward, I've got an X to mark!" The group obligingly shuffled forward, prompting more displeased grunts from Bill. Mabel considered his feet thoughtfully before spray painting an X where she estimated he'd been standing before.

"Not gonna lie, I thought we were goners," Soos said. "That was crazy! How did you two do that!"

Bill snapped, "By pulling the kind of time loop that ought to have Time Baby down here gumming you idiots to death. I throw one little party and he makes a personal trip to the 21st century just to invade my pad, but two brats pull off as clear-cut a paradox as you can imagine..."

The Dippers and Mabels worked through the logic of their own rescue as they realized they wouldn't have known to come if they hadn't told themselves. Dipper said, "Maybe this is actually the altered timeline, and in the original timeline you did kill them and we had to steal your time tape to change the past?"

Ford took a time tape from a Dipper who had two. "Although that does beg the question of why the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron isn't here to investigate all these time loops. Or how you got so many of yourselves here at the same time. Has this tape been tampered with...?"

Bill said, "Yeah, smart guy, everybody knows time tapes are designed to prevent overlapping time loops! So how are there so many kids here? The mystery must be killing you!" He laughed. "I could tell you, if you let me up."

Ford shot him a dark look. "You know I won't."

"I know." Bill sneered at Ford. "Just wanted to make sure you remember all the things I could tell you. Your loss."

Bill's eyes looked the same as they always had—maybe a little jaundiced, a little too human, but those were still Bill's eyes. Ford had never seen such wrath in his eyes before. 

He looked away. When he properly met the woman Bill was possessing, he wouldn't want to remember Bill glaring through her eyes.

####

While the adults found something to tie up Bill, the Dippers entertained themselves by journaling and the Mabels by decorating each other's faces with scented markers.

Without anything better to do, Bill twisted his head to watch the kids. "Hey. Can I get some art?"

The nearest Mabel looked at him, looked at the closest Dipper (who considered the odds that this was a trap, and shrugged warily), and looked back at Bill. Logically, he might be trying to get her hand close enough to his face for him to bite it and drink her blood or something—and ethically, the alien menace who'd threatened her family didn't deserve nice things—and pettily, she didn't want him to have nice things—but then, when she tilted her head just slightly, rather than seeing Bill Cipher, she saw a vast expanse of unblemished face skin just begging for artwork. Maybe, in the grand scheme of things, it didn't really matter if a murderous monster got to enjoy the benefits of scented markers, as long as Mabel got to enjoy the benefits of making art.

Anyway, who else's face was she gonna draw on? Dipper had already turned her down and her duplicates were running out of facial real estate. "I don't see why not! What do you want?"

"Draw me."

Mabel grimaced. "Ooh, that's gonna be a no. Grunkle Ford says drawings of you are magic?"

Bill sighed loudly. "Sheesh, you sound as paranoid as him. What are my options?"

"I specialize in tiger masks, butterfly masks, rainbows, unicorns, spiders, aaand flowers!"

"Fine, gimme a butterfly."

"Colors?"

"Dealer's choice."

"Oooh." Mabel considered his face, grabbed her banana, cherry, and raspberry markers, held them from the very butt so Bill couldn't reach her fingers, and got to work. But Bill didn't try to bite her. He just stared off into space stoically.

He did start biting when the adults returned to secure him. As they tried to restrain his limbs, he kicked, clawed, struggled, flailed, and snapped his teeth—but without the advantage of the time tape and a gift shop of projectile souvenirs, he only wore himself out. By the time they determined him sufficiently immobilized—hands cuffed behind his back, up arms chained to his ribs, knees and ankles tied up—and the twin pile freed him, Bill was gasping for breath, eyes squeezed shut. He didn't even attempt to sit up. Stan and Ford tried not to look too close at the trembling human form collapsed on the stony floor.

"And the final touch..." Soos took off the fuzzy pink belt he'd been wearing all day and wrapped it around Bill's waist. "Yes. Finally." He paused. "Hey, I was right, this belt does look good with that bedsheet. Compliments the pink in your butterfly, too!"

Bill opened one eye. Voice strained, he conceded, "Doesn't look bad."

"Is that unicorn hide? Excellent work." Ford clapped a hand on Soos's shoulder. "A few moonstones and mercury, and Bill will be trapped inside that body until we find a way to extract and contain him."

"He will? Hey, whaddaya know!" Soos beamed. "Fashionable and functional."

Ford tried to ignore Bill's gaze on the side of his head—attentive, calculating, scheming. "I'll... get the supplies and be right back."

The Dippers and Mabels consulted the tally marks on their palms, added one more each with Mabel's markers, arranged themselves in a semicircle behind the X marking Bill's spot, and all returned to the past except for two. The Dipper and Mabel with twenty-five tallies high-fived. "Yes!"

Dipper sighed, "Finally. I thought we were gonna repeat the same fifteen minutes forever."

Stan—currently guarding Bill with Ford's laser—glanced over at Dipper. "Hold on. If you kids have been doing some kind of crazy time loop, then that means you've been tackling this creep over and over for...?"

"Over six hours," Dipper groaned.

"We ate my last pocket bus snacks ten loops ago," Mabel said. She held up her hand. "On the bright side, I smell so delicious now?"

Dipper sniffed his own hand's tally marks. "Ew."

"Haaa! You wanted the black licorice marker, bro!"

Wiping his palm on his shorts, Dipper said, "And we got up at five to catch our bus. We've been up almost twenty-one hours. I'm completely drained."

"Pffft!"

Stan, Soos, and the twins turned to give Bill a wary look.

"'Oh no! I'm a delicate little human! I've gone half a day without a REM cycle and three hours without glucose! How can I function like this?'" His laugh was a wretched, hacking cough. "It's pathetic how weak you are."

"You're one to talk," Dipper snapped. "These weak humans took you down! Again!"

"Wow, amazing, if you pile five thousand pounds of dead weight on top of a body made of calcium sticks wrapped in raw meat, it can't get up. Congratulations on learning how gravity works!" Bill rolled onto his back, and—with a laborious effort akin to a kid in gym class attempting one sit-up too many—managed to heave himself up to a sitting position. "You got lucky—" he cast a dirty look at the X spray painted on the ground, "—but luck changes." His lower butterfly wings crinkled as a smile twisted up his face. "I escaped death itself. Do you really think a bunch of stupid sub-centenarian children like you can stop me from escaping a little rope and chains?"

Stan bristled. "What I think is you've got a butterfly-shaped bullseye in the middle of your face and I've got a laser with your name on it if you don't shut up!"

Mabel gasped quietly. "My butterfly."

Bill laughed at Stan's anger, mouth open, all teeth. It seemed like far too many teeth, coming from a creature that shouldn't have had a mouth. "Oh, that's precious! Sure, go ahead, Stanley, let's find out what'll happen—!" Bill froze as Stan shoved the laser between his eyes.

"Maybe I will!"

Dipper flinched, "Grunkle Stan, what if it's a trap—"

Bill headbutted the barrel hard enough to knock the laser out of Stan's hand; and even with his body restrained in four place, with an unexpected burst of grace he was back on his feet. Bill's voice plummeted to a demonic roar that hardly seemed to fit inside the short human body. "Do you want to see what I can do?! You wanna see what I'm still capable of?! FINE! I'll SHOW you what... wh-what..."

Bill's eyes rolled back and his face went slack.

He flopped face first to the ground.

The humans stared. Stan asked, "Is, uh. Is this what you're capable of?"

The back of Bill's head didn't answer.

Soos rolled him onto his back and tugged up one eyelid. "Guys, I think he fainted. Is that a good thing, or...?"

Mabel poked his arm. "This again? You'd think he'd have learned to grab an energy drink by now."

Dipper said, "Maybe he's still trying to drink them with his eyeballs." Mabel laughed.

Stan grunted. "I'm fine with whatever gets him to shut up a few minutes."

Dipper gasped. "Wait—if we let him escape this body, he could be anywhere! The belt! Grunkle Ford, the moonstones!"

He and Mabel ran to find him. 

####

Stan said, "I say we sit him up, shoot him in the back of the head, and bury the body right in here." Dipper and Mabel stared at him with wide eyes.

"Believe me, Stanley, I'd love to do that." (Dipper and Mabel turned their wide-eyed stare on Ford.) "But all that would accomplish is murdering some innocent woman who was probably unlucky enough to pick up his book, while Bill himself escapes. And that's assuming he hasn't already left her brain!" It had taken almost a minute after Bill fainted for Ford to coat the belt in mercury and duct tape on several moonstones. "Kill her and he'd just come back wearing another poor victim."

Stan considered that. "Could he escape her brain if we buried her alive?" (Dipper and Mabel turned again to stare at him.)

There were no good solutions. There was no point in being cruel enough to ask Fiddleford to make a new memory gun so they could retry the stunt they'd pulled during Weirdmageddon, since getting shattered into psychic dust had clearly only slowed Bill down; and setting the gun to erase "Bill Cipher" from the puppet's brain would just erase her memories of Bill rather than Bill himself. They could try going into the victim's mindscape after Bill, but all the tricks Ford knew to capture dreams or exorcise spirits only might work on an entity like Bill—or might let him hop into one of their heads. 

First, they needed to make sure Bill was still in this body; and if he was, they needed something foolproof to extract and destroy him.

And until then, they had to contain him.

####

Melody turned toward the opening vending machine door, relief on her face. "Oh, Soos! There you are! I was getting worried. I've been looking for you for twenty minutes, the gift shop looks like a tornado hit it..." She trailed off, taking in the sight of Soos and Stan carrying an unconscious, tied-up woman wrapped in a bedsheet with a butterfly on her face, and Ford training a laser gun on her. "Please tell me that's some kind of evil fairy queen and not an actual tourist."

"Worse, it's Bill Cipher!"

Stan flinched. "Soos—"

"Yeah, he took over this tourist in a cool toga, I think he's been staking out the Shack the last few months with time travel, and he tried to kill the Pineses—Dipper and Mabel had to stop him and..." Soos looked at Stan. "Oh, hold on, was I not supposed to share that?"

"Of course not!"

Ford said, "This is a very delicate situation, and the more people get involved, the less we can control it. We can't tell anyone—"

Abuelita stuck her head through the living room "Employees Only" door. "Mijo, here you are. Who is this? A... guest?"

"Oh, hey Abuelita. This is Bill Cipher—you know, the triangle guy? Yeah, we caught him trying to kill us, so we're gonna keep... him..." Soos trailed off under Stan's glare. "Oh, come on! You can't expect me not to tell Abuelita!"

Abuelita gave Bill's unconscious form a calm, considering look, said, "I will cook an extra serving for dinner," and let the door swing shut.

"Wait wait wait," Melody said. "Triangle guy Bill Cipher? Like, turned-us-all-into-statues Bill Cipher?" She'd been unfortunate enough to be on a weekend trip back to Gravity Falls for a date with Soos when Bill had invaded. He'd been in her nightmares ever since.

Soos shot Stan an apologetic look, then said, "Yeah, that one."

"So, have you called the police yet? Or—or the FBI, or...?"

"It's cool, we've got it all under control," Soos said. "We're gonna lock him in the cellar."

"You're what?"

"Yeah, I've got a mattress down there he can take. There's a TV, the pinball machine... Do you think Bill likes pinball?"

"He won't be here long," Stan reassured Melody. "I've got some out-of-state 'connections' from a previous 'business venture' who have 'resources.'" He'd hooked his arms through Bill's armpits to free his hands up to make finger quotes. "I'm calling in a 'favor.' They can hold him somewhere 'comfortable,' until..."

Firmly, Ford said, "Until we've come up with something more permanent."

Stan nodded. "Once we're sure we trapped him in this girl, he'll be outta here."

Soos said, "Oh, hey—do you think we might need to close the Shack tomorrow? I should go tell Wendy. Be right back." He handed Bill's feet to Ford and headed to the living room.

"Oh no you don't, hold on!" Stan dropped Bill's head on the floor and followed Soos.

Ford looked down at Bill in dismay, trying to figure out how best to pick him up without risking Bill trying to bite out his throat again if he woke up. From the stairwell, Mabel and Dipper peered around him to help consider the predicament; Mabel said, "Just drag him." Dipper nodded.

Melody screwed up her face, but sighed in resignation. "I've got it." She helped heave Bill back up. "But I want a really good explanation why we aren't letting the cops handle the dangerous superpowered criminal."

Ford said, "Melody, I know you haven't lived here long. But have you seen the police in this town?"

Melody sucked thoughtfully on her teeth. "Fair point. But what about the government? If there are actual aliens on the planet, surely there's some kind of Guys In Black or X-Folders squad to deal with them?" She paused at the gift shop exit.

 Mabel got the door open for her. "I think we brain damaged the last guys in black that came to town."

Dipper laughed. "Yeah, they could barely handle zombies. I don't think they'd have any idea how to handle Bill."

"Precisely," Ford said. "They don't know his abilities like we do. Once he's out of our hands, we wouldn't be able to ensure he's properly contained." Voice lowered, he added, "Besides—I'm afraid involving the government might play right into his hands. He's been pulling the strings on human politics for millennia, and there's no way to know who secretly answers to him—"

Melody made another face. "Yeeeah, no, nah, I don't believe in any of that... 'shadow government' conspiracy theory stuff."

"And in most contexts, your skepticism would be wise." Ford and Melody let Dipper and Mabel haul open the cellar doors, and then carefully descended the stairs. "But where Bill's involved—there are few facets of human history that haven't been drawn into his tangled web. He's a master manipulator, and our world has been his pet project for millions of years. For crying out loud, he even helped fake the moon landing—"

Flatly, Melody said, "The moon landing."

"Yes!"

"How do you know this."

Ford and Melody dropped Bill on the bare mattress, and Ford gestured impatiently at him. "He admitted it himself! When he was busy boasting about how he helped 'inspire' Kubrick's work."

Melody planted her hands on her hips. "So, you're telling me a 'master manipulator'... told you he faked the moon landing... and... you believe him?"

Ford stared at her.

####

"Hey Wendy," Soos said, fiddling with office phone's cord. "This is Soos. Your boss. Listen, I know you have a shift tomorrow, but uh, you might not need to come in, okay? I mean—maybe. It depends. Still figuring it out. I'll call you in the morning." He glanced at Stan, who sharply nodded.

Wendy said, "Oh? How come?"

While Stan furiously mouthed Soos do NOT tell her anything or I swear— Soos said, "Uhh, Shack might be closed tomorrow, that's all."

"Oh, is it for like family reunion stuff?"  Tone brightening, she said, "Hey, is it cool if I swing by anyway? I wanna come say hi to Dipper and Mabel."

Soos frantically waved a hand. "Nooo, you can't! For. Reasons."

Wendy was silent a moment. Soos bit his lip. Wendy said, "For... weird scary paranormal stuff reasons?"

Soos looked at Stan for guidance. Stan shrugged and made a so-so gesture. Soos said, "Yeah, pretty much."

Wendy laughed. "Oh man, seriously? Give the Pines heck for me for getting into something the first day of summer vacation. Text me every half hour so I know you're alive and I don't have to come over with an axe."

Soos sighed in relief. "Thanks, Wendy."

As Soos was hanging up, Ford barged into the office, Dipper and Mabel behind him. "Stanley, this is urgent. As soon as we've dealt with Bill, we need to visit the moon."

Stan processed that and grinned. "All right, I'm game!"

Ford's watch beeped, startling him. "What—oh! That's right, I set a reminder for us to go..." He paused, looking at Dipper and Mabel. "... Pick you two up from the bus stop."

Dipper gasped. "Right! Mabel, I almost forgot! We'll be here any minute! We've got to go tell ourselves to stop Bill! Where did the time tape go?"

"And the spray paint! I gave myself spray paint—"

"Kids—hold on a second." Stan nudged past Ford to kneel in front of Dipper and Mabel. "Listen. I know this isn't how you wanted your vacation to start—especially after we spent all year convincing your parents there won't be any more apocalypses this time—and, I'm sorry. But as soon as you get back from the bus, treat it like you just got here for the first time. We'll say hi, we'll have dinner, you two can make plans to visit your friends tomorrow—and we'll keep all this as far from you as possible."

Dipper started in first. "But, Grunkle Stan—"

"What if you need our help?"

"We've defeated Bill more times than anyone else—"

"And we just saved your lives again!"

"Whoa, easy!" Stan put his hands on their shoulders. "I know you can deal with him—but you shouldn't have to. You're kids, it's summer, you're here to have fun."

"Stan's right," Ford said. "We've already contained Bill—so try not to let him weigh on your mind."

Stan gave them an encouraging smile. "Let the old guys clean up this mess, okay?"

They didn't answer. Instead, they exchanged a glance, and then leaned in to fling their arms around Stan's neck. 

"Hey, hey! C'mon, kids, what's..." His voice caught on a lump in his throat. He wrapped his arms around Dipper and Mabel and squeezed them tight. After a moment, Ford joined in.

They didn't separate until Soos leaned in to crush their lungs.

####

As they ate dinner together around the large living room table, the Pines didn't talk about Bill. They talked about who they wanted to catch up with in town and what events they'd participate in this summer, and the kids' last semester of school, and the places Ford and Stan had traveled, and where in Gravity Falls the kids might be able to continue their judo lessons (by the sound of it, nowhere), and what Stan and Ford remembered about taking boxing as kids, and Dipper's indecision over what electives to take next year, and Mabel's enthusiasm over the parkour classes she'd started at a gym near home.

They didn't talk about why the kids had decided to pick up sports that could help them fight or escape. They didn't bring up all the times Dipper had called Ford after recurring nightmares of being pulled out of his body and left adrift. They didn't comment on Soos and Melody's absence from dinner as they took first watch over the cellar. They didn't ask questions when Stan left the living room table to take a call in the kitchen from his "connections." They didn't speculate on whether Bill might have escaped his puppet's body during the precious seconds between when he passed out and when they completed the barrier belt. They didn't talk about fear.

Down below in the cellar, the unconscious body didn't stir.