#and I feel Jaewon's pain so much!

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

What makes you happy the most these days? I got a new friend. How do you feel when you are with that new friend? I just feel comfortable. We just became friends. And it's not like we spent a lot of time together. But he is the most comfortable friend I have right now. I don't have to try so hard in front of him. I don't have to be someone I'm not. And I am happy when I'm with him.

[thefiery-phoenix]

YANDERE ELI JANG HEADCANONS

There are two instances where you could have met Eli, you'd either be a member of the Hostel along with Warren, Sally, Olly, Heather, Max and Derek, or you'd meet Eli at Jaewon High. Let's delve into the scenarios and possibilities of how you could have met this angst filled guy and the Big Daddy of Hostel(Lol, I'm sorry but I cackled like a maniac when I read that)

Scenario 1: To say that your parents were horrible was saying the least. Your parents were obsessed with you trying to be perfect and trying to be the golden child even though you were the only child of the family, they always wanted you to be the best at everything. Your grades were more important to them than your own comfort and happiness. For a recent test in math, you received a horrible score in it and your parents were less than pleased about it. They refused to give you dinner and after your mother ended up slapping you across the face and your father screaming at you of how much of an ungrateful brat you were despite them providing a roof over your head, you couldn't take it anymore. You felt trapped, you felt caged, like a bird with it's wings clipped. You wanted to fly...and forge your own path. You snuck out of your house in the middle of the night as you found comfort and solace in the cold night with the wind gently blowing by you and you headed to the local park as you sat down on a bench. You sniffled to yourself quietly and tears silently streamed down your face as you wondered how much longer were you supposed to live like this for

A guy ended up sitting next to you and he had raven black hair with an H tattoo on his head as he stared at you for a few seconds silently, You felt slightly embarrassed for crying and pouring your emotions out in front of a stranger as you quickly wiped your eyes and you were about to leave. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked you softly as he looked at you, his eyes shining with concern for you. Despite the fact that your mind screamed at you not to talk to a stranger, he exuded no threat to you and had a comforting soothing personality and you felt drawn to him, in a comforting manner. No one's ever asked you about your feelings and you felt touched that someone was ready to listen. Despite your hesitance, he gently prodded on and you told him about how your life was at home and you felt trapped. "Well don't worry, anytime you ever need someone to hear you out, you can always count on me'' he said with a comforting smile as he took you to the Hostel building and introduced you to the others. Sally and Heather could empathize with the pain you were going through and they all ensured that you were always welcome at theirs no matter what. You can expect Eli to have a few 'words' with your parents and don't question where the blood on his fists came from. It's for your protection after all and it makes him seethe that the very people who were supposed to love you and protect you hurt you so much, he can't stand someone he loves being hurt and abused like this 

Scenario 2: You could be a student of whatever department you wanted to major in and while you were heading back home one fine day, you spotted a pudgy baby with brown hair and a little stuffed teddy bear in her little arms as she was about to head out on the road by herself when a speeding car was approaching her. Your mind immediately screamed at you to save the baby as you grabbed her and cradled her in your arms and you heaved a sigh of relief. She started cooing at you and giggling as you sighed at her and looked at her and pinched her cheeks. "I bet you give your parents a hard time huh little one?" you asked with a soft smile. You decided to stick around to wait for her parental figure to arrive as you sat down on the park bench and handed her a lollipop. A while later you spotted someone familiar rushing over to the park, yelling out "YENNA" desperately as his blonde hair fell on his face and looked stressed out. You looked surprised to see him as he looked relieved to see his daughter in your arms. "That's Yenna, she's my daughter. Thank you so much for looking after her'' he said with a relieved smile. Eli and you weren't too close before this incident but after this, you guys closer to each other. He couldn't have been more grateful that his daughter was in the hands of someone responsible and caring 

Out of all the people, he might be the one to become possessive and obsessive of you quite fast in a short period of time and rightfully so with all the nonsense he's had to endure so far in his life. He's already lost important people in his life, he can't afford to lose you as well. His paranoia for your safety keeps growing because of all the increased violence and gang stuff happening around the city and his ultimate agenda is to keep you safe. He'll start stalking the HELL out of you, acting like your guardian angel in the dark. He does get increasingly concerned and worried when he realizes how naive you are about you are about your surroundings, he's dragged people by their heads and beat them senseless because those lousy scumbags dared to try following you. He realized that he needs to step up and be your protector and take care of you since you obviously can't do it yourself

He's like a fussing mother hen, he'll never let it go if you skip out on your meals or if you forget to hydrate yourself. He'll keep pestering you and lecturing you in a stern authoritative dad like commanding tone to obey him and not neglect your health like this. Look, he might love you and care for you but he will NOT compromise on your safety and health, he does want a family with you after all. He'll end up kidnapping you quicker than expected and it's not like you can snitch on him to his friends from the Hostel either, they're all a FAMILY, Sally would just be in her own little world gushing about how lucky you are for Eli loving you so much and Warren would narrow his eyes slightly warning you silently not to try escaping from him and would end up telling you Eli's sob story and his past so you'll stay with him. Max and Derek would have the same approach as them as well, delusional and agreeing with Eli for everything 

Eli will know everything about you, he'd have memorized your habits and he'll also being a really clingy yandere too, he can't bear to be away from you. He NEEDS you like a dying man needing air and if he loses you, he'll go insane. I want to say I pity the poor fool who dares to try taking you away from him but they'll just be asking for a literal death wish at this point when it comes to him. He'll grow enraged at the thought of someone trying to steal you away from him, it makes him LIVID, HOW DARE THEY?! His mind will be reeling with thoughts of rage and anger as he uses his baton or his own fists and fights them till the other person is on the verge of actually dying. He was trained by a psychotic fighting obsessed maniac Tom Lee after all, he'll use his brutality against his opponent and go for the eyes, pressure points, everything. He doesn't care if it's not a fair fight either, just the mere thought of someone taking who he loves sends him into a frenzy of anger 

You'll be kidnapped by him really soon and he'll understand if you scream or cry, he's not some kind of monster who can't relate to how you feel but please don't be sad, you're making him sad with your sadness too and he feels his heart breaking when he sees you crying. He'll just hold you and pull you close to his strong muscular chest and gently shush you and soothe you to calm you down. He might slip in a few sedatives to make you drowsy but he believes a good and nice nap would make you less cranky. He'll kiss your head softly and caress your cheek lovingly as he'll hold you in his arms while you sleep

He has his eyes and ears everywhere, he's the Big Daddy of Hostel after all, ALL the runaway kids in the area know about him. The second you manage to slip out of his house, you better PRAY someone doesn't recognize you else they'll immediately inform him about your little escape attempt. Eli will be really mad at you for escaping from him and he'll just carry you in his arms with a cold stern look in his eyes which is far different from the usual lovesick loving look he'll have for you. Your internet privileges will be gone for a whole month and he'll start lecturing you on how you're supposed to set an example for Yenna and how could you just abandon him like this when he loved you so much. For your sake, don't answer back to him, he's already mad enough, at this point it would just be like you adding more fuel to the fire. He wont' hesitate to discipline you and spank you like you're some bratty naughty kid that needs to be put in place. Don't worry, he'll cuddle with you after that and make you your favorite thing to eat while saying things like how he'll make sure you never leave him again. 

He might be a stern authoritative disciplinarian at times but he does have his soft moments with you, he loves holding you in his arms and kissing your neck, cheeks, lips and running his fingers through your hair. He's more than happy to be your hair dresser if you want and his skills will improve as he'll give you a stylish hairstyle. He'll love to cook for you as well and his heart feels like it'll melt when he sees you cooking with your cute little apron. He'll immediately hug you from the back and nuzzle his cheek to yours as he tells you how much he loves you and kisses you while being held in his strong arms.You really should have kept a better eye on your surroundings...

[ranchthoughts]

The Eight Sense and missing pieces

(this is going to be long. I apologize in advance)

The Eighth Sense, from the cinematography to the narrative, is about what is missing, what isn’t shown, what we don’t see. The whole show feels like peering at the edges of a jigsaw puzzle: the uneven margin of tabs and blanks hinting that there is something missing, a broader picture, just beyond our line of sight.

I’ve talked about this before, but the filming style of The Eighth Sense leaves so much out. The backgrounds of shots are often so blurry we can’t see what is lurking out there, though sometimes we know there is something we are missing out on, something we can’t fully see. Other times, the shots are shaky and tight, leaving pieces we would generally consider important out of frame, like the filming of their ocean kiss in ep. 6.

And then in the narrative, like @chaoticfandomthot and @asianmade mention in their posts (1, 2), there are so many things we don’t see or know.

There are large parts of Jaewon’s backstory missing to us (and to Jihyun) which are filled in a bit as the show continues, but not all the way. We never see Jaewon’s brother’s accident, or Jaewon’s dad. We don’t see the incident where the camera is broken, just flashes of it smashing on the ground and the aftermath. These are things Jaewon doesn’t even share with his friends - they don’t know about his home life, or his brother’s death, as @lurkingshan points out. Jaewon hides things from the people in his life just as the show hides them from us.

Though, like Jihyun, we the audience get closer than anyone has before. We step into Jaewon’s life, we see his therapist, we catch those occasional flashes like with the camera incident, we watch him open up to Jihyun, and like Jihyun we get many of the pieces of Jaewon and his story he hides from everyone else.

There are other scenes in the story missing from the show too. We never see Jihyun’s accident, or Jihyun in the hospital. We never even really hear what happens. We don’t see Jaewon reuniting with Eun Ji after the accident, or much of their relationship before the first breakup or the second. We do hear about what precipitated their first breakup in a rare moment of explicit explanation, but this comes after much of the show has gone by and we don’t see it, we just hear about it.

"the hole they left inhabits the narrative more than their presence ever would have" - the show is about what we don't see. It’s about the trauma that haunts Jaewon, his home life, what he hides from others. It’s about Jaewon’s brother, who isn’t in the show except briefly in flashbacks, but has shaped Jaewon’s life and his relationships with others in innumerable ways. It’s about the trauma that Jihyun and Jaewon experience at the beach that isn’t shown, even to the audience.

@respectthepetty writes about how The Eighth Sense is all about tradition: Tae Hyung wants to continue the traditions of their seniors even though it caused him pain, Ae Ri wants to break with traditions she finds are stifling, much of Jaewon’s trauma comes from his family and familial expectations (the death of his brother, his desire to pursue a career in photography, etc.), and so on. But this “tradition” is in many ways curiously missing from the show. We don’t see the forces and people imposing tradition on Jaewon, like his time in the military, or his father, or his home life. We don’t see the club seniors or hazing Tae Hyung references, even in flashbacks. “Tradition” structures the characters and therefore the events of the show, but it is also more of a looming spectre, blurry in the background, just out of frame.

Half the show we have to piece together - what happened on the beach? Is Jihyun really dead? What happened to the camera? Who did that? Things are missing, told out of order, fragmented... and the cinematography echoes that.

This style of storytelling and filming works so well for the characters. Many people, like @emotionallychargedtowel, have talked about how Jaewon is a survivor of trauma and how that affects how he acts and sees the world. He is depressed, he has been through horrible events, he hides from others - and the narrative and camera work of The Eighth Sense reflects that. The backgrounds are blurry and unfocused, the shots are shaky, the framing shows flashes but not always the full picture, sometimes the chronology of shots is unusual.

@emotionallychargedtowel and @jjsanguine and many others offer (1, 2) that the filming style of The Eighth Sense, particularly at the end of ep.6 reflects/is caused by Jaewon’s mental state. He has just been through another traumatic event, which greatly resembles the one from his past, so consequently his recollection of events will be blurry, shaky, incomplete. Even the colouring gets darker and greyer. Jaewon’s mental state and emotions are so strong they are altering the form and the filming of the narrative. He is responsible for many of the conspicious absences in the show. We don’t see his brother’s accident or Jihyun’s accident or confrontations with his dad because we can’t - Jaewon can’t or won’t let himself remember them, at least not in their entirety.

The show also feels so queer because of this style. I talked about this in my other post, and @talistheintrovert​ talked about it in this post too, but the way the cinematography is fragmented into close up shots, shaky camera work, montages... the tension of being queer, not knowing if you crush likes you or could ever like you or if them knowing you like them is a threat to your safety, the dream-like safe bubble of two people loving one another amongst the outside world... Being queer, sizing up another person, it’s all about looking closely but not lingering, searching carefully for details that are hidden to most others. Like @jemmo​ says, “queerness can often hide in plain sight” - it’s the things broader society doesn’t see that hold the most significance for queer people. Of course a queer narrative wouldn’t be able to show things clearly, of course they must be hidden and hinted at but never explicitly said, never fully or clearly shown - eyes lingering in the shower, hands held for a moment and then released in the next shot, montages of an evening at the beach together.

We see the edges of the pieces, and from that we can understand most of the picture. The Eighth Sense is about the holes, the absences, the lingering presences of characters and scenes and moments we don’t see. It is about what isn’t shown explicitly, what the character’s can’t remember clearly, what the characters are avoiding remembering, what the characters hide from themselves and others and even us, the audience. It is about paying attention to what isn’t there and why it isn’t there and how we know what is missing.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

*lies down for a nap*

*thinks about The Eighth Sense post by @starsickkk and @lurkingshan*

*jolts violently upright from bed*

"OH MY GOD, EIGHT SENSES"

Okay so most of us are familiar with the five senses, right?

Touch

Sound

Sight

Taste

Smell

But there are three other senses as well, at least according to this website on the sensory processing system, and this one on autism, and this one from the STAR institute, and this website on neurodiversity as well. So what are the other three senses?

6: Vestibular- This is your balance and orientation in space (x)

7: Proprioception- This is your perception of position, location, and movement of your muscles. Essentially your ability to process where your body physically is. (x)

According to Wikipedia (this is a fictional show and as such I will not be spending time looking for the original, actual, scientific journal articles) your body uses information from both proprioception and the vestibular system to understand your body's position and movement. Now the internet has not been specific/completely in agreement about whether vestibular or proprioception is 6 or 7, but multiple sites I've cited on here do list the following as the eighth sense:

8: Interoception- Internal perception. The eighth sense is what allows us to feel if we are hungry or thirsty. But it also said to be tied to how you experience/feel your emotions.

According to these website you can either be hypo-sensitive (meaning low awareness) or hyper-sensitive (meaning high awareness). People with low interoception might not be aware of pain and temperature, might not feel hungry or thirsty, and may have trouble identifying their emotions. People with high interoception may have heightened awareness of their hunger or thirst signals, might experience emotions more strongly, and might feel pain even after an injury has healed.

And it's making me think about this post from @chicademartinica about JaeWon's relationship to food. I don't think these are entirely related but, I don't know I guess I'm just thinking about whether or not there is a reason this show is named The Eighth Sense. Whether or not this show will explain the meaning of The Eighth Sense. Whether or not what we are seeing before us is real or imagined.

And because I sometimes have difficulty pointing things out and then letting it hang open for interpretation and speculation, I started digging into the idea of PTSD playing with interoception. I found this study from Frontiers in Psychology that found "the more childhood trauma participants reported, the more difficult it was for them to perceive their heartbeat after the stressor" where heartbeat was being used to define interoception. And something I do know to have a current evidence basis is that prolonged exposure to stress, particularly in childhood, is associated with greater HPA axis dysregulation (For those of you who don't know, the HPA axis controls stress) that can cause both physical and mental health problems long term.

Prolonged exposure to stress like, say, having to abandon your dreams and your passions to take over the family business?

Prolonged exposure to stress like, say, having an aggressive father?

Prolonged exposure to stress like, say, witnessing the death of your baby brother and being powerless to stop it? Living with the guilt of that for over a decade?

What I really want to know is the name of the medication JaeWon is taking because that can help narrow down the type of mental health problem he is struggling with.

Any way you play it though, I am really just curious if the name of this show is The Eighth Sense because JaeWon is missing his. Because he's numb, because he's not eating, because he's has outbursts of aggression, because he's feeling detached from people who aren't JiHyun (many of these are symptoms of PTSD by the way), because he wants people to like him and he wants to be nice, but you can see him just spend so much of his time folded in on himself. But JiHyun is lighting that spark, JiHyun is getting him back in touch with his emotions. JiHyun is making him feel happy again.

Note: Usually I would want to be more responsible about sharing science like this (ie I would be checking sources for accuracy, trying to find studies or at least looking at the studies these articles may have been inspired by, making sure these studies are published in peer reviewed journals or whatnot. But as I said before, this is a fictional piece of media and so I will not hold it to the height of scientific feasibility because this is what you find on the internet when you google this stuff so if the writers were at all informed by this concept this is probably far more likely what they would have found)

[soundsaboutrighttumblr]

Stray thoughts about The eighth sense, in no particula order, now that I’ve finished watching:

- The parallel of the therapist and the diner boss? Like this last ep’s scene where Jaewon sat with her and she got answers out of him so casually, it made me think back to their very first appearances on screen, it struck me then how their faces, first the therapist and then the diner lady were cut so close after one another, that I had to rewind a moment to check if they were the same actress at first glance. The function of an experienced older lady friend who is willing to listen to your stories, interested in the youth and their problems, and all the ways therapy/emotional work for growth can look like with a support system? Especially for young men maybe?

- the shots of the therapy sessions mirrored in those glass orbs, that give the association of small bubbles? like small bubbles outside of reality, a mirror to it, focusing some aspects for Jaewon, but being a small enclosed world nonetheless? We see the therapist reflected in those, reachng out, handing over prescriptions? It does feel like a limited reach and inflence, when she is in there, in contrast to when she moves freely in the room like in that last scene of hers with Jaewon, behind him and provoking him from the side, much more an interaction.

- the ocean metaphor with all its facets, if the ocean is life, or emotionality, we have all the variants for Jaewon: the fish tank in therapy as a tamed confined ocean safe to look at, the wild and dangerous waved of the real ocean, that Jaewon surfes and that make him happy, that he seeks out. The Han river and how he dips his toes in in that last ep, reconnecting with waters, emotions, a body of water that is closer within reach...

- in that context also the song Yoon Won sings at the campfire at the beach? about life tossing you inside the waves but that’s okay you will get through it’s just what life is, you can fall, it’s a part of it, also foreshadowing

- Jaewon’s secret photography account as a sign to us that no, his hope and dreams are not dead, just well hidden, but there’s actually a person still under that depression-paralyzed rigidity and frozen exterior

- how Yoon Won’s display of emotionality, there in the club room, her close up tears and struggle is what shakes Jaewon out of his rigor? How the therapist said ‘you are so caught up in your own trauma that you forget others’, and then we see the pain on Yoon Won’s face as she voices her struggles that must be a close mirror to Jaewon’s own emotional inner struggles and monologues, and suddenly, from out of the frame Jaewon reaches in, emphatically responsive in a way he could not fully be with Jihyun a moment before, where he still sat robot like, just holding out to preserve his armor because, not being able to allow that connection just yet,  Jihyun is too close still to his own trauma and warped need to protect, but underneath his depression Jaewon is empathic af, and the sincere responsiveness in his reaction then, that maybe is as important for accessing his own healing as it is important for Yoon won?

I’ll surely think of others, but. Man.

[taikanyohou]

okay yeah its so INTERESTING to me that jaewon listens to wetter and likes their music bc like. i think that style of music, that genre, that melancholy and cry for help in their songs, that "i just wanna run away from this place bc its too small for me and my problems are too big for it yet somehow this place is all that i know and return to", that need and search for freedom and something new and change *coughJIHYUNcough*, the vibes .... that sonic experience of it when you listen to their discography is so ... visceral and painful. how they sing of and describe love and trying to find love and what loneliness and youth feels like and trying to convince yourself you're fine you're okay but you're two seconds away from losing your patience and getting into a fistfight and its all just. SO jaewon. like its only been TWO episodes but i feel like i know EXACTLY who and what jaewon is. and maybe its bc wetter just sounds SO much like oasis (they refer a LOT to oasis in their songs) and 90s britpop and i know EXACTLY what kind of feelings it invokes and what headspace listening to oasis puts me into (pure melancholy and chaos and a sense of vulnerability but needing to mask it with fake it till you make it invincibility) ... that i just. GET jaewon. and get EXACTLY why he listens to wetter.

it just makes so much sense. like its so pleasing when you have a character and their music taste just matches ENTIRELY perfectly with their personality, that you can just listen to their favourite band(s) and understand EXACTLY who they are.

[shall-we-go-far-away]

alright, I know, I'm late to the party because it's been literal days but here are we are ready to talk about ep. 7+8:

do you all know that football meme, that "they had us in the first half"-meme? that's how I felt after the first 17 minutes of ep. 7... my lord I was so sure jihyun was fine and then they pull this shit on us I was genuinely scared.. so thanks to jaewon for putting me out of my misery by saying he just almost died

I was actually kind of shocked that something genuinely serious happened, because I thought it would be enough for jaewon to back away from jihyun if there was just the tiniest possibility of him getting hurt but I guess we went the drastic way, anyways I'm really glad he's alive

also seeing what the accident did to jaewon was so painful to watch.. he looked so bad and to see how his "friends" just glossed it over and being like: "oh I'm glad you're back to your regular self" like wtf are you saying, do you see him?? he was barely present the entire time, literally just a shadow of himself

we literally only saw his impression change twice - both times involving jihyun - once, when he's about to punch taehyung and the second time when jihyun speaks about his behavior in the surf club

what I also liked was how hard jaewon tries to get jihyun away from him but when they properly meet again in front of the classroom he can't even say no to jihyun asking to talk

well, back to the seniors.. they - emphasis on eunji and taehyung - are still assholes like wow you really don't even have the slightest bit of empathy left in you, have you? I found it pretty crazy how well you could tell in these episodes that neither eunji nor taehyung actually care for jaewon like at all, it feels like they see him as a trophy to carry around and show off and boost their egos with

that being said, I'm so glad taehyung got punched and eunji got absolutely devoured by jihyun, serves them right

taehyung is just so insensitive and childish, he makes me go insane, what was he expecting when he said that about jihyun? that people would clap?? no you idiot, be glad jaewon didn't break a bone or two

and eunji?? is she not embarrassed? her entire behavior is so embarrassing oh my god.. I know she can tell that jaewon doesn't want to be with her because she's not stupid, she just doesn't want to accept it, she can't accept being rejected and left and - what's even worse for her - she can't accept being left by jaewon for another man and I get it, it kinda sucks but you gotta face reality at some point, babes

and considering all that, it's so funny to watch how jihyun gets her blood boiling by simply existing, like she hates him so much and it's so amusing because jihyun couldn't care less, he just doesn't care

so the whole scene of them in the park was so satisfying to watch because with how the characters are positioned - eunji standing and jihyun sitting - and with the camera angle - looking up to eunji and down on jihyun- it's supposed to seem like she is above jihyun and then he just complety verbally destroys her because she already came into the conversation insecure, trying to cover it up by provoking jihyun but just didn't work

I genuinely believed in her redemption arc but at this point I don't think that's happening anymore

alrighty, next up, how sassy did jihyun get after literally almost drowning?? I really liked how he was joking around with his friends talking back to them and all that

and seeing his determination to get jaewon back was great, like he's better than me because I could never, he has a goal and he wants to achieve it

the thing that also stuck with me was him saying "I want to heal his wounds." which we all know he said with good intentions but I think jihyun also has to learn that the only person able to heal jaewon's wounds is jaewon himself, yes he can be there for him and be his support system but jaewon has to want this himself

I also really liked that we saw more of joon pyo in these episodes and he could redeem his "annoying childhood best friend"-image.. he's just a really sweet guy who, yes, is a bit much and a little awkward at times, but he has a good heart and really cares for jihyun

now onto the last bits of ep. 8: that hurt, it really hurt.. I get why jaewon pushed him away, I really do but that was not it, bestie.. I wanted to give jihyun a hug so bad

but honestly even though that was quite painful and I think jihyun might be a little thrown off, I think he's gonna keep pushing.. he was so sure about getting his man back I don't think he's stopping now

what I'm saying is, I hope they get back together and we get a happy ending on wednesday because otherwise.. well idk what I'd do otherwise

[heretherebedork]

Why do I have a feeling Jihyun is gonna get his heart crushed badly at some point?!😭 Jaewon is everything amazing, but he also feels like a giant red flag. It's just that lost and confused men sometimes can break the hardest things in a moment and Jihyun is so soft! The push and pull Jaewon does on Jihyun is like such mixed signals, (that personally I would detest and call him out most likely) while on the other hand Jihyun's attraction, his naivete is so open, so honest and raw. It breaks my heart to see him so vulnerable and seeking a belonging. I think all I need to know is this is HEA, before I continue getting emotionally invested in the Eighth Sense. If this is an open ending/ sad ending, I'll be traumatized.

Now, I would not go so far as to call JaeWon a red flag. He's having his own serious issues but that doesn't make him a red flag any more than having mental health issues makes Uea a red flag. Just because he is struggling doesn't mean he's automatically doing things wrong.

But he is going to hurt JiHyun. He's going to hurt him so much. Because JiHyun is searching for a relationship while JaeWon is not prepared for that as much as he wants it. He's trying to find a way to stop wearing a mask but he doesn't want to do that by telling the truth but by moving away from people.

He's going to break JiHyun's heart because no matter how much they do under moonlight, daylight is where JaeWon hides himself and he will always hide under the sun, at least right now. Ji Hyun might want to lock their love onto the fence but JaeWon can barely face the love he wants.

This is going to hurt so much, both JiHyun's heartbreak and the way that JaeWon is going to break his own heart. They're both going to hurt so much and it's going to tear us to pieces, no hesitation.

They are gonna hurt. Just... oh, this show is gonna bring pain. Be ready. And, seriously, don't trust the ending of this kind of melancholy. The narrative might not be what you think.

[alaanz]

Fuck me. These episodes were simultaneously both so so good and also so so pain inducing.

I love the character development for jihyun and him finally coming into himself. We do love a bit of sass.

They didn’t take the episodes in the direction I thought they were going to. And tbh thought that jihyun may have actually died for the first part of ep 7. But I was so glad to hear that he’s actually alive.

I originally thought they were just going to make it into a really bad dream, and build off of there, but I’m actually so glad that they didn’t. It makes it so much more real, and all of the worries more real, as they’re built off of actual possibilities. I really enjoyed how they did it.

Don’t understand why they had jihyun and aeri being rude to the guy dressed as hedwig. I assumed there was some deeper meaning to the scene, especially with the guy saying that jihyun has changed. But I couldn’t see what that meaning if it was. It feels unnecessary and have no idea why they did it. Maybe it’ll be revealed later on but for now, I don’t get it.

Fuckin knew they were going to do this too. It’s understandable for jaewon to be pulling away from jihyun, I get it. That doesn’t make it any easier to watch. You get shows where there’s drama just for the sake of drama, but this doesn’t feel like that. There’s reasoning behind the decisions that the characters are making and I’m really grateful for that. (I can see the creators live of skam, so much hurtttt).

So excited for next weeks episodes. I’m honestly surprised that I haven’t felt disappointed with this show. I’ve watched so many where they started off good but tapered out as they went along. But the eight sense has kept up the quality so far, which I’m so happy about. Love to see how they’re going to wrap it up.

[piganatur]

THE EIGHTH SENSE EP 5

First things first, Aeri and Jihyun bepeu time cleared my skin and my soul. Them going shopping? Eating sweets surrounded by plants and sunlight? I was giggling like mad. Every time Jihyun finds something new to enjoy I’m the happiest person ever, his smile is a cure is2g.

The profound difference between them spending quality fun time together (but Aeri pls stop testing the boy and let him eat HIS CAKE) and the seniors who would rather stare at their phone/laptop than actually talk tho? Yoonwon sitting with her back to the boys while Jaewon is on his phone? Like we’ve seen him and Yoonwon spend time together and not just next to each other but throw in Taehyung and suddenly everyone finds the screen more thrilling than…each other lol. When Yoonwon inflated that palm tree I burst out laughing.

Park Taehyung....can we talk about the dude for a sec? He is such a confusing character, I can’t put my finger on his objective. He is bitching about any and everything like he feels inferior to all living organisms. Yoonwon constantly keeps Taehyung in check (Guys with low self-esteem always say women need to get drafted too), warns him about his bullshit and polices him, but then he genuinely makes her laugh? I’M so confused. He was exempt from the military, which btw isn’t so easy, like what’s up with that? Dropping a comment like that can’t be unintentional. I’m also curious about how is it possible that their trio all started uni in the same year and now they are about to finish together? Jaewon served in the army, but Taehyung didn’t. What did he do for two years? He’s the TA but… what else?  When they were talking about looking for a job I got the feeling Taehyung started to boast about Jaewon’s background, getting loud and riling him up, as if to divert the attention from himself. He appeared to be blank/dazed before opening his mouth to show off about Jaewon again. He’s visibly unsure at times (hesitates or stutters). His overt attraction towards Bitna also seems ridiculously naive. Getting his ass served to him was well deserved. Aeri and Jihyun obliterating him is pure gold, followed by Yoonwon’s praises (Wise girl...you guys are smart) What I’m trying to say is that Taehyung can’t not realise that others treat him that way based on how he treats them. So what’s his deal? Sure, he is that bastard of a ‘friend’ (and a catalyst to Jaewon finally flipping out, and rest assured, he will publicly flip out) but Taehyung has to have a bigger part in the narrative than that. He is present and shown in a lot of scenes to only serve that much and yet it’s still unclear to me what his full purpose could be.

*the shade they give without a single word spoken*

The dynamic between Jaewon/Jihyun is constantly shifting with every instance where they learn something new about each other. One moment they are soft idiots (affectionate) falling in love and in the next moment, Jihyun is the only thing that can ground Jaewon while he’s on his way to the abyss.  Jaewon letting out his inner baby girl to confess (accompanied by a giggle) that he never before called Jihyun? Priceless!! That is the thrill and joy Jihyun can evoke from him, making him act like nothing his friends (one real, one of questionable origin) knew him to be. Because with Jihyun, every little thing, every first has a profound meaning that Jaewon doesn’t want to waste, he wants to make them special.

It was so painful to see him fall apart in the bar, I literally felt pain in my chest seeing him like that, trying to drink his ass to the grave with that build-up in music and the traffic won’t stop for you poster in the background.

I want to talk about this scene a bit further. First, I thought that the traffic won’t stop for you poster was to show that there’s no stopping Jaewon tonight but then I noticed the wall behind Jaewon. It has a chequered pattern, these tidy squares, either dark or light and at one point he leans back to them. Jaewon is feeling like his self and life are opposite ends, are absolutes: he’s either what he shows to the world or what he hides from the world, either what’s expected of him hence what he has to do or what he wants to do... Staring at those squares with definite borders while my mind replays Jaewon telling Jihyun don't try to get out of the box (or frame)... I’m feeling totally normal and fine atm. Meanwhile, the traffic won’t stop for you can be linked to Jihyun and how, no matter the amount Jaewon tries to push him away, tries to make him pull away, it won’t stop him. Because if we look at them head-on, Jihyun is the one sitting in front of the traffic won’t stop for you poster and Jaewon is sitting in front of the chequered pattern. In the bar, Jaewon shut down to breathe, to cope. He tried to run away so much he flat out dismissed the idea of Jihyun being able to distinguish the real him vs. what he shows others vs. the mess he was heading to at that moment. But that can’t stop Jihyun. His angry shot remains mood. (I’ve probably rewatched that scene at least fifteen times by now.) It’s not that he’s angry at Jaewon, more like he’s angry that he’s unable to do anything to help. And yet... taking Jaewon home, looking out for him, talking with him, offering to be there whenever he is in need… Jihyun’s thoughtful actions, his presence, him caring about Jaewon eventually puts Jaewon at ease, because it’s sincere and can be felt.

Jaewon pulls Jihyun close bc he is, even at that moment, having a fckin hard time and the way Jihyun just stands there, letting Jaewon hold him because he knows that’s what Jaewon needs? Oh and the ‘you can’t kiss me today’ line... stating that he’s not going to be a drunken mistake Jaewon can try to brush off the next day? Affirming that whatever they are is past that, has been past that since the first time Jaewon kissed him not out of being drunk but out of the desire to do so? *fist in mouth* btw Oh Juntaek is insane! He acts with his eyes so well, conveying so much in his gaze I’m in awe (it’s his first gig y'all!!!!)

I don’t think ep6 is a dream sequence or a hallucination. For one, we can see Jaewon picking up Jihyun in ep5; he also wears the same sweatshirt he wore when waking up after getting sloshed the previous night. In addition, the therapy sessions are actually parts of one session all along. Jaewon and the therapist lady too, wear the same clothes throughout all the cuts we’ve seen so far. I didn’t see Jaewon wearing that outfit in any other scene so far (he wears something similar in ep5 but that feels off idk, it's just not the same?). This means we can’t pinpoint when that session happened, only that it had to happen after he became close to Jihyun. Thus, his ask for three weeks’ supply of meds can’t be an indicator. It’s unclear when that happened so it’s unclear how much of that supply of meds is still in Jaewon’s possession. I’ll talk about other signs that make me believe the trip to the beach is real in the next episode’s post

[tobeornottotc]

Thoughts of a terrified watcher trying to convince her self that it’s okay to trust this show and let it do what it wants with my heart but failing miserably. This is about the eighth sense which I won’t even speak about on a podcast until it ends because of how on edge it makes me. But this is how I am convincing my self this week that we’re in good hands and we will survive and it will be a happy ending, delusional much? Yes, does it start with a foreshadowed drowning and this man Jae Won looking lost and hurt in a therapist office? Yes but see, i choose to ignore that, and focus on a positive way it can work. And that’s by knowing the producer and director’s way involved in this show. 

The eighth sense is produced and directed  by Where Your Eyes Linger director like he’s great at Angst and sexual tension and that’s why I feel pulled to it, add in the realism aspect and different feelings to his shows like To My Star, so I’m not surprised I’m into it. I’ve been wanting a show with the same  level of angst and tension like WYEL, the playing along the lines of what are we? is one of my fave things to witness between two people, and  a spark so real and obvious it makes the audience also feel breathless and attracted to it too.  I’m very scared that Eighth sense may be more painful but like WYEL had a chance for a sad ending during when we watched it in fact it had a very painful seperation before their reunited as long as the drowning has already occurred in the past (Jae won’s brother) we should be fine we may get a very painful separation

But hopefully the end point is healing (the therapist room) and finally opening up and embracing the fear of his past which you can tell Jaewon avoids. I'm hoping that’s what this is  Guys I can’t have his brother be hurt and also Ji hyun who can’t swim die at the end. For what? I know it’s not BUG but it’ll still make me upset and stress me out the way those endings do,   I’ll trust Inu for now because I wanna know what his vision is, what his story is for this, it just seems like another show that discusses mental health in an interesting way and characters that are both on their own path to self discovery and acceptance of their weaknesses and strengths (TMS, WYEL) with each other. Angst but still overall a happy message right ? Ignore me I can tell this show really might be it for me but if I have to suffer to make a show it for me it’s like why? I just wanna escape into something safe despite the pain and angst. My heart is too fragile to deal with ruptures. 

Topics like these leave me on edge cause of what people want to say with them, if it needs to be emotionally and poetically devastating (I’m always on the other side of no it does not need that message for every piece filmed with this amount of effort and thought) so I’m on edge.

Then again Inu ain't sleek. i also sense he and his german director were influenced a bit by SKAM? like that also has some interesting themes that can be found here, IH, and the struggle with queer discovery, hidden trauma and reactions/perspective of mental health, tension, controlling/suspicious ex girlfriend,  lack of control vs embracing fears and so much more.... that also has a soul shattering painful angsty separation that then later has an outcome of healing and happiness and acceptance.  look i like to lie to my self by following patterns and I really am beginning to believe  I’m safe here with this show for now. I see Skam, I see remnants of WYEL themes, and I even see TMS  so I’m going to stay  calm and wait. Okay i think I've convinced my self for another week. Directing choices in later romantic scenes reminds me of Skam too, the connection to music in an interesting way, the intimate scenes, but I know things are coincidence, but surely with all this information we’re closer to this path than the other one right? Right? Well I’m goanna be looking for more signs on my journey with this show that I’m not being had, and it won’t end sadly with the death of this boy. Like why? what would be the point his character arc don’t seem to be about that either, like it’s about self discovery and doing more with himself, but I don’t know either way just know I’m on edge and this show has me spiralling cause I want to be obsessed and write and scream about it in just two episodes, my gut is making me think it’s the show for me but not if it leads me to a slap of  realism or whatever sad endings are used for. I just can’t.  I forgot he also has like been part of the production of Handmaiden’s so see, another angsty show in which the queer couple survives and makes it see??? I’m not crazy... Follow the patterns... okay maybe i’m spiralling I refuse to believe hes not producing another queer positive narrative I refuse...

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

My weekly roundup CW 16

I try to write down my thoughts after watching stuff to create a little weekly ranking in relation to the previous week on my, most of the times, quiet sundays (and because I love lists and this is a good excuse for me to create a new OneNote journal!).

But first, my winner of the most hilarious subtitle of the week goes to:

→ 1. The Eighth Sense (ep 7+8)

Pain. Fuck man! The thing is, I can understand JaeWon so well. His pain that just made him numb. A person can only take so much pain before it powers down. One of the strangest and scariest feelings ever. And in a weird way, very comfortable in such situations. The body and mind trying to protect themselves. For JaeWon, the absolutely logical conclusion was to break off contact, to emotionally hurt JiHyun so that he would leave him alone, so that Jaewon's own heart wouldn't start bleeding again and again, even though it's been bleeding all along, only that he can't notice it himself anymore. But everyone can see it. And I hate EunJi for how she pretends to love him but just ignores how much he's suffering. That is not love, that is torture. And TaeHyung…the hate I feel for him is almost as much as the hate I have for EunJi. EunJi I can almost understand, but TaeHyung? He pretends to be JaeWon's friend and then can't forgive him for (deservedly) hitting him after making fun of JiHyun's accident. What the hell is wrong with him? Apparently he was just there to get rich off of JaeWon's background and was hoping for a good contact for future careers. Bright spot of the episode was JiHyun's friend who I just wanted to cuddle!

Absolute highlight of this week for me: The portrayal of light and dark of life and death. As many have already written about it, JiHyun came out of his near death experience with more confidence and courage, he is just bursting with life, while JaeWon died for him inside after the accident. How can he live happily or live at all when he is dragging everyone around him into the abyss. JaeWon is darkness, sadness, depression while JiHyun is the exact opposite and I hope JaeWon will reach out to him next week and let some light back into his life.

↑ 2. Our Dining Table (ep 3)

I just love it. This series is so calm and pleasant. It is the calming point of my week. Yutaka is such a precious and sweet person and I can totally understand Minoru falling in love with him. The idea of the zoo in the apartment! I was so ecstatic! And how Yutaka indirectly confesses that he likes Minoru too, but Minoru misunderstands and thinks Yutaka meant Tane with that statement. And Yutaka's luchbox looks just mega delicious! I'm always hungry when I watch the series 😅 Would love to make myself a rice ball now!

↑ 3. A Boss And A Babe (ep 8)

Okay, so Gun is really very obvious about the two of them. Even though I don't think much of office gossip and I wish them both all the luck in the world, he should know a little better. Nonetheless, I can so understand him reaching for his safe haven after Time attacked him like that. And I love that Cher has become his safe haven. And the scenes with the two of them are just sweet. I think Jack did something wrong with his lecture. A boss can have a happy relationship with an intern. Just because society doesn't think it's good or bad movies try to sell the stereotype of the little office chick, doesn't mean that two grown people in different positions can't be happy together. Of course an abuse of power can happen, but it doesn't here and Jack should see that. He should understand that not only Cher is good for Gun, but the other way around. But good, a little drama has to happen. The episode totally caught up with me again.

☼ 4. Step by Step (ep 1)

The first episode was very promising. I wish with all my heart that Pat would explode at some point and shut his colleague up. The preview for next week didn't look very pleasant, but that's what previews are, they want to captivate the viewer after all. I'm incredibly fond of Pat. I think he's one of those characters I can relate to quite well….a little yes man who doesn't know his limits yet. Saying no is hard, but over time you learn that it's no use trying to please people all the time. I liked the encounters in the café and how freely Pat can talk. I hope he stays as open and honest, just with a little more self-reflection and more courage to say no in the future.

↓ 5. Chains of Heart (ep 10 Final)

I still don't get it. So Din cooperated with the police and then in the end went on a solo destroyer trip where he didn't even get shot, although five men and one of them with a machine gun shot at him…The kid is made of Teflon or something, bullets just bounce off him. Then he has to kill Inpha too…Why? Why not wait for the police, who arrived shortly after! What really bothers me the most, after thinking about it a bit, is that there was not one clarifying conversation between Din and Ken. Just a one night stand. Once all desire washed out and then goodbye…And Din still says he has sworn never again to let go of the hand of his beloved. I don't get it. I would be so pissed if I were Ken. And the open ending with the 7th of the 7th month…Yeah sure, they will see each other again and have a nice life together, on the run or Din has taken the next identity. I just would have liked to see it, but as the series says, Din wasn't seen again by anyone. Okay, let's take it that way. Now the series is over and I'm trying not to let my slight disappointment with the ending affect my rating of the series as a whole. In general, I thought the series was quite good. It was visually appealing and I really liked Ken and Mr. Lues/Din's chemistry. It's funny how in the beginning we all felt like we were sitting there not knowing what exactly was actually happening. It was definitely a journey I really enjoyed, even if the ending was a bit disappointing. But sometimes it's not the destination that matters, but the journey. And that was good.

→ 6. Naked Dining (ep 2)

Futa realized that he had led a very self-centered life and had simply forgotten the promise he made to his grandmother as a child to travel with her to Mexico to see the ancient ruins, while she had not. That's why she wanted the culinary trip around the world. I find it very sad and incredibly beautiful at the same time. And Futa realizes that work is not everything in life and who would be better suited to accompany him in his change than his soulmate Mahori. Well, it's implied anyway that Mahori definitely believes in something like Soulmates and the flashbacks to the past are certainly meant to hint at something. I am curious and look forward to the next episode.

↑ 7. My Story (ep 2)

Sometimes the most beautiful thing you can see all week is two young men applying lotion and massaging each other.

Zeke and Fifth, both are clearly enjoying each other's touches and I think they realize they already like each other a bit. Absolute favorite couple of the series for me. I just love them. The series is good and cute and free on youtube, so check it out!

☼ 8. The Promise (ep 6)

It continues. While Phu rushed to his grandmother (without telling Nan, of course, but he was supposed to keep his distance anyway…) after she had a little accident, Nan wakes up from his anger. We also see what really happened that night, when in the previous flashbacks they always just kissed each other briefly. They didn't just kiss briefly, they kissed...long. Afterwards Nan, drunk as he was, fell asleep. Anyway, this time Nan travels after Phu and the two don't talk much, but Phu has a nightmare (and of course they sleep in the same bed) and begs Nan in the dream not to leave him. And Nan, quite enraptured by this, promises him not to go anywhere and I'm sitting here just thinking: awwwww!

☼ 9. Our Skyy 2 (ep 1+2)

Hm. I don't know. I don't know if it was the mystical time travel or the fact that Palm was a little too sweetly cute for me, but I didn't think the first two episodes were that good. I have no idea why they couldn't be together in the past, but now they've been sent back to change their future so they can stay together forever by undoing their curse? I just didn't understand what exactly caused their bad fate to be lifted now. But maybe it was just too sweet-talking for me. Palm has always been very corny in his choice of words, but he overdid it a bit in both episodes. I thought the ending was sweet, all good, but it probably won't be my favorite.

↓ 10. Bed Friend (ep 10 Final)

That was a sugar battle. I've rarely seen so much sweetness in one episode. *At this point I had to edit my text, because I was remembered that Uea is seeing a therapist and taking his meds...I just forgot about that, because it was handled very shortly. The love-heals-everything-part was still the focus.

In the end, it got a little too corny with the proposal in the office, so that everyone could see it. Now that wouldn't have worked anywhere else? I don't know. If King had chosen the place because it was important for their relationship, the place where they met or something like that, okay, but just so people could hide…I don't know. But I'm also sometimes a romance trumpet and can't watch things like this well without cringing.

→ 11. Tin Tem Jai (ep 8)

I somehow can't see them being a couple now. Except that Park is a bit nicer to Tin, I don't see any difference to before. They are hugging each other a little bit longer and Park calls Tin Babe, but I can't really see it. It could just be a brotherly relationship. And I don't mean that there is no kiss or anything like that, but they just don't have the vibes of a couple in love. And how old is Tin now? I'm so confused! And why do you have to turn a sweet scene into a drawn-out torture of the nerves, taking everything sweet out of it (a five-minute build-up until Park remembers that the password is Tin's birthday, an important date he can't forget, and then did forget…?).

→ 12. PastSenger (ep 7)

Oh man…this show just doesn't get any better. I love it when couples, once they get together, still act like every touch is too much or are surprised when they touch and get shy when it might come to a kiss. I really don't have much more to say about that. I also don't know what's going to happen for the remaining five episodes. The plot doesn't give much away at the moment, except that Kiao wants to go back to his time, and of course that becomes more and more difficult the more time passes and the deeper the relationship with Bamee goes. I don't have a plan how this is going to end. I think I'll put it on-hold for now until I eventually binge it. Currently, I don't feel like watching any more.

[regolithheart]

True Beauty: Why Seojun Han is the Best Boy

Disclaimer: SPOILERS!! This is purely based on the webtoon/comic and not the drama. Also, I love all our main characters--I wouldn’t be obsessed with this if I didn’t--but Seojun is the best and here’s why...

First off, he’s already the best character because he’s the resident bad boy with the biggest freaking heart and can not-so-secretly sing well?!? I’m already on board. Throw in the rough family history and unfortunate situation, then all of the depression over Seyeon’s death and anger towards Suho and all the self-pity and self-loathing. But you know what, he gets a reality check quick and what does he do? He turns his life around! He sees that he wants to do better by his family, by his friends. He realizes it’s okay to be happy and it’s okay to let go of the pain and anger he’s been holding on to for so long. As much as he blamed Suho for Seyeon’s death, deep down he knew it wasn’t really his fault because as soon as Suho explained what happened, Seojun was there for him. He literally took care of him and was by Suho’s bed-side the entirety of his recovery from the bus accident. That’s real love. I mean, Selena didn’t even show up (I get that she was out of the country, but according to her, Suho is her baby!!). 

To me, it’s not even a question of Seojun vs. Suho in regards to shipping them with Jugyeon. Yes, I get that Suho didn’t leave Korea willingly and he was heartbroken over it, and he probably couldn’t process everything clearly given his mental state. But regardless of his feelings and concerns over Jugyeon, how could he ghost the both of them like that. These are his best friends and they reached out to him because they care about him and he just... for two years!! And then he shows back up like nothing happened? All while Seojun was there to pick up the pieces of Jugyeon’s broken heart! He was constantly there for her as a friend despite being fully in love with her! And didn’t even try to pull anything because all romantic feelings aside, Seojun loves Jugyeon as a best friend and the person who pulled him out of his depression. 

You also have to admit, everything about their courtship was just too freaking adorable--especially his little freak out before and after telling her how he truly feels about her. Plus! How can you not fall in love with him when he says things like, “Do you want to go out with me? I’ll do my best for you.” AND THAT’S JUST THE THING! He’s always doing his best. All. The. Time! 

Not just for Jugyeon, who he would lay everything bare for, but also his family and friends. Name one time he didn’t coming running when Pilsoo and Jihoo needed something. He worked himself to the bone to help with their family bills and to make sure Gowoon could go to college. Yes, he was embarrassed and didn't tell Jugyeon the whole truth about his situation, but considering he was probably still secretly comparing himself to Suho, I get it. Besides, whenever Jugyeon asked for his time, he also made sacrifices on top of his sacrifices to give that to her too! 

I swear, when Jaewon went off on Suho about him not giving a damn about anything and just coasting on his good looks (during the whole Prince of Prince disaster), I felt that in my bones. Sure, he was being an asshole, but the words were still true. Seojun and Aiden were working their asses off and Suho couldn’t even bother and that’s my biggest issue with Suho and Jugyeon. Despite 144 episodes, they're still the same people they were from episode 1. 

Suho is still cold and judgemental towards everyone who aren’t his only three friends, still chilling out in a big ass house all day by himself, and despite taking a couple of cooking classes, is still directionless. Plus, you’d think with all the free time and resources he has, he’d fire his shitty therapist(s) and find someone who will actual listen to his problems and help him get out of his rut. And while Jugyeon has a little more direction than she did in the beginning, she’s still just as naive about people (despite the numerous incidents she should have learned from) and still only cares about hers and other people’s looks. 

And all this time while Suho and Jugyeon have been stagnant or rehashing all of their same issues over and over again, Seojun’s here starting with nothing and racked with guilt and sorrow to coming to terms with Seyeon’s death, working his ass off, pulling himself and his family out of debt, and finally realizing and fulfilling his dreams. 

He may be a hot shot idol now, but in his own words, “I may look all fancy, but deep down I’m still the same.” And he’s right. He’s still the same boy who wears his heart on his sleeve and will do anything for his friends and family and loves unconditionally with his entire heart. He’s still the boy that will lend you his jacket and smile at your text messages and blush when you smile back at him. And he’s still the boy who--despite being decked out in Chanel--will wear the home-made earrings you gave him because they were a gift from before he was famous. 

To me, Seojan Han is and will always be this boy. The one who wears t-shirts and the sneakers you gave him because his old ones were falling apart. Who will come say hi to you in the middle of his DJ’ing set despite being so busy and will walk you home because it’s late. The boy with the most luscious lips and hair you just wanna run your fingers through, whose cheekbones could cut marble and only looks hotter with dangly earrings. And the boy who sings like an angel, thinks you hung the moon, and will do any and everything to make you smile.

So that’s my argument. That Seojun has been able to maintain his true essence as he’s leveled up in life, while Jugyeon and Suho have neither grown or evolved much from episode one. And that’s why Seojun Han is the best.

[ranchthoughts]

The Eighth Sense has this way of filming where the background of shots are SO hazy and out of focus, and I love it

It increases the tension in the scenes because you don’t know if someone is lurking out there. There have been moments where the focus has gone in and out and revealed something hidden in the blur, so we know that the technique doesn’t always mean there is nothing of note in the background; in fact, it seems to be more often used when there is something important back there. @asianmade​ talks in this post about the sense of impending doom in the show as we (and Jihyun) know there is so much backstory for Jaewon we are just getting glimpses of. This filming style is like the visual representation of that: there’s so many shots where we can’t see what is going on in the background; or times where we just get glimpses, enough to tell us there is something with nothing there, but we don’t get to see it in its entirety/in focus; or moments when we the audience knows who’s there but the characters do not, cannot seem to see what’s right in front (or rather, behind) them.

It also works so well for the characters - Jihyun and especially Jaewon are so wrapped up in each other and themselves that everything else in the world is reduced to a blur. A couple of people ( @asianmade​ again with that post and @talistheintrovert with this post ) have talked about how queer and meaningful the very close-up, shaky camera work is and I think the blurred background filming style has the same effect. Paired with the extreme closeups, the world is reduced to one or maybe two subjects, just like the world is for Jihyun and Jaewon.

I am thinking of the scene at the end of ep. 9, when Jaewon is approaching Jihyun’s dorm and he moves out of the blur into focus as he comes closer - that is what Jihyun is seeing: a big world that doesn’t matter focusing and coalescing on one singular point of importance (Jaewon, emerging from the murky, indistinct surroundings).

And the scene in the library where we realize Jihyun is sitting across the library behind Jaewon’s shoulder and as he realizes too the focus of the camera switches and it’s like we are Jaewon: the rest of the world is blurry because the only thing that matters and catches his attention is Jihyun. Or the scene at the beach, where Eunji is talking to Jaewon but he sees Jihyun and immediately all his attention is there.

I think it works especially well for Jaewon because it reflects his mental state. He is depressed, masking all the time and unable to show his real self and concerns to anyone (except Jihyun), and the camera reflects that. The world is blurry, out of focus, claustrophobic almost in the way it films tightly and we don’t know what is lurking out of focus or out of shot. The world to Jaewon is a haze. There are so many things he wants to keep hidden, to keep pushed down and repressed, that of course to him his surroundings would be reduced to a shallow depth of field, mostly obscured in mist-like blur. Everything except Jihyun.

The visuals of the show feel soft and close, reduced to the space between two people who love each other, but also dense and maybe threatening. What aren’t they showing? What lingers out of shot? What do they want to keep unclear?

They also feel so queer, like @talistheintrovert says - fragments, glimpses, glances. Montages, flashes, close-ups, shots that linger on eyes and shoulders and cut parts of the subject out, those omnipresent blurred backgrounds... The tension of existing and flirting and being out and visible in a homophobic society as a queer person (expectations, homophobia, judgement filling your surroundings like a cloud). The dream-like quality of being in love and finding a safe place in a world that has given so much pain. And the other type of tension, between you and someone else, as you try to figure out if they are also queer, if they are also interested in you. The fear to linger, to look too long or too closely or too clearly because what if the other person isn’t queer?

Emotions and people that can’t be summed up in one crystal clear picture but instead can only be shown shakily, fractured, half in focus, obscured, just out of frame.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

EIGHTH SENSE THEORY

(content warning: I will be referencing suicide attempts and vomit in this post)

I saw other people speculating that Episode 6 might be some sort of medication misuse psychotic break on JaeWon's part and honestly? Having just watched it. I definitely think this man is hallucinating.

I'm not entirely sure if this was something that came from the nature of watching this episode not on Viki, but so much of the episode seemed too bright, too blurry. The way the light hit the JiHyun's white jacket made it look like he was reflecting light, like he was heavenly or angelic in a way.

Like when they are in the car in the beginning:

Or eating on the bench:

Or arriving at the beach:

And something I noticed while watching these scenes, admittedly coming in to it having already seen discussions of a possible mental break, is that JaeWon rarely makes eye contact with JiHyun and they do not physically touch until 12 minutes into the episode.

Not until we have seen them walk up the stairs once already.

First set of stairs:

Second set of stairs:

But crucially here, it's windy, and JiHyun is gripping JaeWon in a way that might equate the force you feel from a strong wind.

Other hints that JaeWon might be hallucinating?

Same food order at the same time, something cute if they actually did that, but something that could also be explained if only one person was ordering food.

JiHyun taking his food with him when he goes to the bathroom but leaving his drink. We saw him take a bite out of the food, so if that food was real and he left it on the bench, we would have seen evidence that food had been eaten. But we never see JiHyun take a sip of his drink AND we never see JaeWon or JiHyun buy that drink. Meaning it is completely feasible that JaeWon ordered two drinks and set that one down for "JiHyun" even though he isn't actually there.

And of course, there is further evidence, in my mind, for this being a hallucination or mental break of some sort due to the many, many instances throughout Episode 6 of JaeWon's face being blurry.

For example, here:

And here:

And here:

And...ok you know what? I'm going to stop these examples here

The morning they wake up on the beach seems fake, again it feels too bright, too heavenly in a way:

And the kiss scene is so interesting to me for a few reasons, and is also why I am leaning towards hallucination/imagination. First of all, they are in public, there are other people around on that beach. When JaeWon was holding JiHyun's thigh in Episode 4 and JiHyun's best friend came out on the roof, they slid apart real quick.

And it's not like their attraction to one another hasn't been obvious, and it's not like JaeWon hasn't literally kissed men in front of people before. They aren't completely opposed to being openly queer, but this is a huge, undeniable, and extremely public kiss.

I am also just so in love with the choice the production team made to cut out all sound when they are playing in the water. Because that silence can be interpreted so many ways, the main two for me being: intimate and insidious.

"To cause you trauma," is an excellent response to JaeWon asking why JiHyun kissed him. Because water is, presumably, a very traumatizing thing to JaeWon. I don't think he said how his brother died, but his microexpressions to JiHyun referencing water torture definitely lead me to believe that JaeWon's brother drowned (learning to surf perhaps?) and JaeWon finds both comfort and pain in returning to the sea as a way to feel connected to his brother but also to punish himself for failing him.

Then we get the bed scene. Now, I don't want to presume anything about JiHyun, he's totally allowed to be a slut, but...this show has continuously established this boy as naive and innocent. Like, totally unaware of the implications of asking JaeWon if he wants to "eat ramen".

So to go from not understanding innuendos and still not being entirely certain that JaeWon kissed you intentionally that first time or if he was just drunk, to full on make out sessions and getting dicked down? I am all for JiHyun testing out his slut era, but I don't think that is the case here.

And I'm citing the background music as part of my evidence here. Because the background music is the song "I Can't Lose it All" and comes in at the last verse of the song, BEGINNING WITH THE LYRICS:

"I'm losing my mind

So darling just call

Tell me everything's alright

I don't want to slow

I can't lose it all

Make me feel like I'm suppose to go

Tell me what you thinking about me when I'm gone."

--

Which honestly, makes me believe JaeWon is imagining all of this intimacy with JiHyun as something that he craves but can't let himself actually seek out. Therefore he is letting himself have it all.

And I just want to give a shout out to this shot:

The way the waves are washing over their feet, in this room that we didn't see them rent, when they were only supposed to stay there for one night and now are apparently on night two in a fancy room instead of camping on the beach. It's a beautiful shot, but also some beautiful foreshadowing to the tragedy at the end of the episode, with the water rising up to meet them.

My final piece of evidence that this entire episode has all been in JaeWon's head?

This shot at the end where JaeWon is sitting by himself, looking at his hand in the sand because I'm pretty sure this shot comes chronologically before JiHyun's drowning. I think it's what any outside observer would actually see if they were to look at JaeWon, and I think the image below, in the brighter light, holding JiHyun's hand, is the hallucination that JaeWon is having.

Which meanssssssssssss............

If we believe the trip itself to be real, but JiHyun's presence on the trip to be false...

JAEWON IS THE ONE WHO IS DROWNING/DROWNED.

If we take this entire trip to be imagined/a dream then he hasn't actually woken up from binge drinking the night before and in that case I would say that he could be aspirating on his own vomit at the end. Either way, I feel like next episode might start with JaeWon waking up in a hospital.

Personally I think the greater tragedy would be JaeWon had a mental breakdown, disappeared without a trace, wound up at the beach here, and drowns, alone. With the resolution being that he is rescued, revived, possibly involuntarily committed or something for a possible suicide attempt...

...which now that I think about it, this could straight up be a suicide attempt of him trying to overdose on his medication, and like the alcohol result above, the drowning could be him aspirating his own vomit from overdosing on pills.

ANYWAY

All of this to say, I think JaeWon maybe took his therapist's question "why not make the relationship deeper?" very much to heart, and imagined a world where he was comfortable confiding in JiHyun and being entirely honest with him.

And also all of this to say that I believe there will ultimately be a happy ending for this show with JaeWon almost dying resulting in JaeWon finally cutting his shitty friend out of his life, JaeWon's Dad possibly being less aggressive after realizing he almost lost both of his sons, and JaeWon and JiHyun admitting their feelings for each other and being boyfriends in love surrounded only by supportive friends. I think JaeWon will end up graduating with his business degree but maybe pursue photography as a career or something at the end.

And I'm tagging @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @chicademartinica, and @respectthepetty because I want your THOUGHTS, I want your FEELINGS, I want your THEORIES and also tagging @lurkingshan because as I was scrolling through tags to try to find the original post about the possible medication induced psychotic break that started my theories rolling, I noticed you point out a lot of the same things I mentioned here so I also want your thoughts, feelings, and theories, or at the very least say that you are not alone in thinking that this was fake.

[yandere-society]

Sugar Rush

Synopsis: You thought the breakup had gone well, but your ex-girlfriend Yoonji didn’t seem to get the message. When you go out with friends to party on Halloween night, you encounter Yoonji in an unexpected way – and you discover just how far she’ll go to get you back.  

Pairing: Min Yoonji x Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Yandere themes, blood/mentions of blood, stalking, restraints, safeword violation, torture, suicide mention, gore

Headline: Woman In Sumo Wrestler Suit Assaulted Ex-Girlfriend In Gay Pub After She Waved At Man Dressed As A Snickers Bar

Admin: @psycho-slytherin​

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

“Ooh – gah!”

“Y/n?” Mia pokes her head into the kitchen. Her pupils are pure black, and she looks to be crying blood. “What happened?”

“Ugh, I think my mom sent me these roses and I pricked myself on a thorn,” you reply, sucking on your bleeding finger irritably. You lay down the card that came with the bouquet, which reads See you soon! “You look great.”

“Thanks! I’m a student.” Mia steps forward to reveal a school uniform shirt, sweatpants, and flip-flops. 

“Uh…”

“Cause I’m stu-dying, get it?”

You snort. “Very nice.”

“What are you? You haven’t changed!”

You sigh. “I don’t think I’m going to dress up.” You can’t shake Halloween’s association with her.

“What? But 66 Below has their ‘free drink for a costume’ thing going on. C’mon, why not?”

You shrug, looking at your bleeding finger. Roses always seem to have it out for you. “It was our anniversary.”

“Wait, is this about Yoonji? Y/n, you broke up with her! If you regret it so much, get back together. The girl was head over heels with you, I’m sure she’d be down.”

You shake your head. “I’m not getting back together with her. Definitely not.” You and Yoonji were together for three years, long enough that you had started wondering if it would turn into forever. As time went on, however, you began to notice unnerving little quirks in her behavior. She was scaring you, and you ended things soon after. “Besides, she was always so neurotic that I would cheat on her with a guy.”

Mia rolls her eyes. “Biphobia at its finest. Well, fuck Yoonji. It’s been months – now get dressed. It’s Halloween, and we’re going out! Besides, Aisha is meeting us there.”

You laugh. “I don’t have a costume.”

“I have an extra that I brought with me – it’s an unnecessarily sexy angel, it didn’t fit my sister. Try it!”

Angel. That was Yoonji’s name for you. You sigh, dragging yourself away from the traitorous roses and following Mia down the hall.

Soon enough, Mia is putting the final touches on your makeup. “Ooh, you’re glowing!”

“I don’t know why you sound surprised when it’s your fault,” you retort before catching a look at yourself in the mirror.

You’re wearing a white silky babydoll dress – the kind that you’d only wear in the bedroom. She’d love it. You’re sporting white fishnets and feathered wings, with a golden headband resembling a halo to complete the look. Mia has done your makeup expertly, with lots of rose and gold, so that you look perfectly angelic. You add your favorite rainbow earrings for some added pride. Still, the outfit…

“Isn’t this a little… risque?” Yoonji would never let you wear something like this out.

“I don’t want anyone else laying eyes on my angel,” she would croon in your ear. “You’re all mine. I’ll never let anyone else touch you.”

“It’s Halloween, Y/n, as long as the goods are covered you’re set.”

You peer out of the window. The sun has set, and groups of kids are out in spades for trick-or-treating. You used to love Halloween – it had always been your favorite holiday, long before you and Yoonji made it official four years ago.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

She stared at you for a long time. “Do you promise never to cheat? You’ll be loyal to me alone?”

You laughed. “Of course! I like you, I want to date you!

“In that case…” She leaned forward and kissed you. Her vampire costume meant you got fake blood all over your lips. “Happy Halloween, angel.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

Mia nods. Her black contact lenses are… well, they’re not unintimidating. You’re glad to be able to spend this Halloween with her, and not worry about your ex-girlfriend.

66 Below has long been your and Mia’s favorite LGBTQ bar. With its live music, pride flags, and vintage decor, you feel as though you’re stepping into an extra-queer period piece.Yoonji never liked it; she thought it was too crowded. Tonight, almost everyone is dressed up in costume, enjoying 66 Below’s 'first drink free’ policy.

“Mia! Y/n! Over here!” Mia’s girlfriend Aisha gets your attention, waving at you from a booth. You’ve never encountered a more loving couple, and you know Mia’s planning on proposing to her soon. Aisha is dressed as… “Wait, what is she wearing?” You ask as you and Mia join her. Aisha looks like she printed a graded school paper onto white clothing, complete with red marks and typos. Over her heart is a big red F. In response to your quizzical glance, Aisha points to the F.

“Geddit? I’m a failing grade! I specifically wanted to be a final exam, but…”

You laugh. Mia and Aisha must have coordinated that. You scan the bar and note you’re not the only angel. There’s also some devils, ghosts, animals, anime characters, Iron Man, a Snickers bar, two Harry Potters, and – of course – inappropriately sexy children’s cartoon characters. You love Halloween.

“Y/n, c’mon, let’s grab drinks,” Mia says, but her eyes seem unwilling to leave Aisha’s. Their love reminds you of yours… or, what you thought was love. Towards the end of your relationship, you began to realize Yoonji’s idea of love was very different from yours.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll get yours. What do you want?”

“You sure?” When you nod, Mia reels off her order. You approach the bar, smiling at your favorite bartender. “Hey, Jaewon!” 

“Do mine eyes deceive me, or is that Y/n beneath the halo?”

Jaewon pretends to be blinded. He’s dressed as what you can only assume is slutty Mario.

“Shush, you. I’ll have an IPA and a margarita, please.”

“Sure thing.”

As you’re waiting for your drinks, the person in the Snickers costume slides into the seat next to you. “Nice costume, angel.”

You stare at him, a brow raised. If you weren’t at a gay bar, you’d think he was flirting. “Thanks, Snickers.”

“Who are you here with?”

You nod at the booth, where Mia and Aisha are now kissing intensely.

“Y’all poly or are you third wheeling?”

You laugh. “The latter. I’m not the relationship type.” Not anymore. Not after you realized how you were so easily manipulated into thinking Yoonji’s behavior was love. But the way she would kiss you, and whisper sweet nothings in your ear, tangling her hand in your hair…

“Yeah, I get you. Couples’ costumes are scary by default to me,” the Snickers jokes. “Perfect for Halloween. I’m Namjoon, by the way.”

“Y/n. Are you here with anyone?”

Namjoon glances around. “I was here with my buddy, but I think he left to fuck one of the Harry Potters. Which is funny, now that I think about it, since he was dressed as Dumbledore.”

You snort. “Oh my god. Well, if you want a group to join, I’ll be third-wheeling over there.” Jaewon reappears with your drinks and a wink.

“I might just take you up on that, angel. Happy Halloween!”

“Hey!” Mia says, finally coming up for air. Miraculously, her bloody tears have stayed put. “Who was that guy you were talking to? He seemed cute!”

“He’s probably gay,” you remind your friend. “He was sweet, though, I invited him to come over if he wanted to – his friend left him. Is that okay?”

Mia and Aisha glance at each other. “Actually, we were wondering…”

You look at the two suspiciously. “Yes?”

“There’s this event happening at 4Sooth,” Aisha says, referencing another bar downtown, “Where the best couples’ costume gets a cash prize. We were thinking… well, zombie student, failing grade…”

Oh. Why did you come here in the first place, then?

“Yeah, you guys totally have a chance!” You offer with as much enthusiasm as you can muster. “Should we go there?”

“The thing is…” Aisha looks at Mia, who shows you the event announcement on her phone.

“Well, the other prize is a night in the ‘Halloween Suite’ at the hotel next door, y’know?” Mia says quickly, a note of pleading in her voice.

Ohhhh. “Right, okay. So… I’ll just stay here, then.”

“Are you sure?” Mia asks anxiously. You can see her on the fence between guilt and excitement.

“Yeah, it’s fine!” You insist. “I’m good at making friends. Have fun!” Just because you have to be alone on Halloween, doesn’t mean Mia and Aisha can’t have a good time.

“You’re the best, Y/n, I owe you!” Mia gives you a quick kiss on each cheek before she and Aisha head out. As soon as they’re out of sight, your smile slips from your face and you sigh, nursing your beer. It’s Halloween, what would have been your and Yoonji’s fourth anniversary, and you’re alone at a bar. Pathetic. You turn to costume-watching, admiring the Big Bird, Dorthy from The Wizard of Oz, a sumo wrestler, and several queer or genderbent characters from all sorts of media.

Namjoon, the Snickers, is looking at you from his seat at the bar. He raises a quizzical brow at the now-empty booth, and you roll your eyes and shake your head in response.

He purses his lips, tipping his glass in acknowledgement.

Wonderful. A bar of candy pities me. You wave, motioning for Namjoon to come join you. You were both alone – why not?

Almost as soon as you lower your hand, several things happen at once: a blur of tan crosses your vision; you hear a loud BANG, and feel a sudden, incomprehensible, searing pain shoot through the back of your head; something warm trickles down your face; there are lips against your ear, whispering words you can’t understand; far-off shouts and screams; and the world goes dark.

“Told you that you’d cheat… you’re just a whore for them… but now you’re all mine again.”

“Mmnn…” you groan, blinking hard. Your head hurts – everything hurts. You feel like you’ve been hit by a truck. You’re lying on something soft. Did you go to bed? You move to rub your temple, but your wrist is tugged back by… rope. Rope? Your eyes widen and you begin to struggle furiously against the restraints, yanking until you feel your hands are going to detach themselves. “What the fuck?” Your wrists are tied to bedposts. Shit. Were you drugged? Was it Jaewon the bartender? “HELP! Somebody! Help me!” Your shoes are gone, and – oh, no – your white dress is stained and splattered with blood. Yours? When you try to pull yourself up, your vision floats before you. You can feel warm blood trickling down your head, tickling your scalp. You fall back onto the pillow, trying to force your vision to focus. “Help me…”

Suddenly, you hear heavy footsteps, and a voice that makes you freeze.

“Looks like I nabbed myself a pretty little angel. Talk about fallen from grace, right?”

Your cries for help freeze in your throat. “Yoonji?”

And in walks your ex-girlfriend, the blow-up sumo wrestling suit deflating around her. That flash of tan… so she was there, at 66 Below. Her pristine black bob hasn’t changed in the last few months, and her makeup is perfectly done. As the suit empties, she steps out of it, wearing her favorite outfit of black tights and skirt with a cream blouse.

“Let me go,” you croak. Your heart feels like it’s being squeezed in her fist. Your fighting spirit seems to have evaporated in the face of the woman you once loved. It doesn’t make sense… or does it make too much sense? You knew she was possessive – it’s why you ended things. But this? “Yoonji… please. Please.”

Yoonji pretends not to hear you, instead walking around the bed to inspect your restraints. Of course, now that you’ve collected yourself, you recognize her bedroom. In fact, it’s not your first time being tied to these same bedposts.

“Red. Yoonji, please, red,” you try desperately, hoping the safeword might make her relent. For a moment, her cool expression falters. It’s quickly replaced with raw fury.

“You want to try calling red?” She snarls, looking right at you. “You cheated on me. You broke up with me!”

“I never cheated!” You cry, kicking out at her in vain. “You always thought I was cheating on you – I didn’t do anything!”

“I saw you,” she replies, raising a hand and bringing it down hard on your cheek. Your head jerks to the side and you can taste blood. Your face is on fire, it must be, how can it hurt so badly? “It’s our anniversary. I saw you wave at that candy bar.” Another slap leaves your jaw aching. “Fucking whore, do you flirt with every man you see? Girls like you can never be faithful.”

“We’re not together anymore!” You yell, pulling hard on the ropes. They’re much stronger and more coarse than any Yoonji has used with you before, and you bite back a yelp of pain at the rope burn. Your head hurts so much, and your chest is heaving with anxiety. Is she going to kill you? “You’re insane. Let me go – they’ll find out I’m gone. They’ll call the police.” After you and Yoonji broke up, you moved in with Mia. Surely she’ll be concerned when you don’t show up.

Yoonji laughs softly. It’s the way she would laugh when she had a secret. “Well… you did text your housemate to tell her you were going home with the Snickers bar. She’s not expecting you – and that contest is going to keep her at the hotel all night anyways.”

Your heart drops into your stomach. How does she know? “What text? Where’s my phone?”

Yoonji lazily fishes your phone from her pocket. “You really haven’t changed your password?”

“Give that back! Let me go!” You twist your hips and kick hard in her direction, scoring a tiny victory when your phone goes flying from Yoonji’s hand. In the split second that she’s leaned over to retrieve it, you try to see if you can feel any slack at all in the ropes binding your wrists. Yes! There’s something. Maybe your situation isn’t hopeless after all.

Your spirits fall by the wayside when you see Yoonji rise with a terrifying smile on her face. “What a frisky angel, you like to kick, don’t you? Maybe I should tie those lovely legs too.”

“No- don’t touch me! Yoonji, c’mon…” your voice breaks when you see her pull a length of rope from her closet. “W-what are you going to do with me?”

“What am I going to do with you? Exactly what I’ve always wanted to. I’m going to make sure no one else will ever touch you again. You’re mine, angel, you always have been.” Yoonji reaches for your legs and you kick wildly, desperate to escape. Your heart feels like a racehorse in your chest, and sheer adrenaline numbs the throbbing pain in your head.

“Stop… struggling!” Yoonji hisses furiously as she makes a grab for your foot. “Ungrateful bitch. Why are you always trying to get away from me? All I did was love you!”

Now. You slam your heel into her chin, and her head snaps upward with the force of your kick.

For a second you feel like she’s about to crumple to the ground, but instead she lowers her gaze to stare into your soul once more.

“That wasn’t very nice.” Yoonji massages her jaw, and when she speaks, blood drips from between her lips. She begins to pace around the bed, avoiding your kicks. “Bad angel… maybe you’re just a devil in disguise, huh? I always knew you were a dirty fucking liar. And you didn’t even say thank you for the roses.”

The roses? Your eyes widen. See you soon. They were from her? “Fuck you,” You say in response, surreptitiously tugging and relaxing the slack on your right hand’s rope. “I never cheated. You were just scared that I could love men and women. Well, guess what? I loved you! For years, until I realized you never loved me back.”

“What?” You see horror cloud Yoonji’s face. “You fucking bitch. ALL I did was love you!”

You shake your head, determined to keep her talking. She’s out of range of your kicks for now. If you could just get your hands free…

You feel suddenly woozy. Are there two… no, three Yoonjis? Shit. Now is not the time for a concussion.

“You never loved me. You were obsessed and insane. Don’t you hear yourself?” You say, your volume increasing. You know the walls are well-insulated, but she’s still in an apartment complex. Maybe the neighbors will hear? Another tug on the rope. You twist your wrist, and for a second you can feel it loosening. “You only wanted me so that no one else could have me!”

“You’re lying.” Maybe it’s a reflection of your bloody dress, or the blood dripping from her mouth, but for a second her eyes seem to shine red.

You shake your head. You’ve almost got a hand free. “You’re the one who’s lying, Yoonji. You’re lying to yourself.” Dizzy again. “You – ngh – you can just let me go. I won’t tell anyone.” Almost got a hand free. How long has it been?

Suddenly Yoonji is looming over you. “Ah, but you forgot.” She spits at you, and a mouthful of scarlet blood hits the white pillowcase. Some of it splatters on your cheek. You keep tugging at the tie around your left hand. It’s much tighter than your right. She’s rummaging in her bedside drawer, and that look in her eyes… you’re scared. “I might’ve let an angel go, but you decided you’re not an angel. You’re a devil. And where do devils belong?”

“Uh…”

“That’s right.” Yoonji shows you what she’s retrieved: a lighter. She walks around the bed to the bottom right corner of the duvet. “Devils like you should stay in hell.”

“Yoonji. Yoonji, what are you –” She lowers the lighter to the duvet, and you see the cloth begin to smoke before a small flame forms on the bed, flickering but gaining in strength. “YOONJI!”

“I told you, Y/n.” Her voice is lower than you’ve ever heard it as she wipes more blood from her chin. “I’ll never let anyone touch you again.”

“C’mon, please, this is too much,” you say, your voice bleeding into hysteria as you thrash around, trying to kick the burning blanket away from your body. The fire begins to grow, and in your frenzied movement you accidentally burn your foot. You jerk away, yanking at the ropes on your wrists. You’re wearing fishnet stockings – if those catch fire, it’ll travel all the way up your body in a flash. “Let me go! Let me go, you psycho!”

Yoonji makes a pouty face. “Poor baby. Let you go… or what?”

“Please!” You shriek as the fire grows, the smoke now visibly rising from the bed. “Yoonji, I’m sorry, please, please…”

“I missed hearing you beg, my love. What a delicious Halloween treat. And if you need to blame anyone…” Yoonji pauses and smiles. The blood has gotten between her teeth, giving her a terrifying undead look. “Blame that Snickers bar.”

With that, she leaves the room and closes the door behind her. Fuck. You tug furiously at your right hand, where the rope has significantly loosened. You can feel the heat from the flames, dangerously close to you. “C’mon, c’mon…” You’re not going to die here, what a terrible headline. Who would write your obituary? You fight through another wave of dizziness. “Fucking hell!” With effort that leaves your muscles trembling, you wriggle your right hand out of its ties, and it quickly flies to your other hand. Maybe you’ll survive.

Unless she locked the door. Yoonji is four floors up. From that height…

You quickly work through the knots on your left wrist, which Yoonji tied so tightly you can’t feel several of your fingers anymore. Faster. Your nails are broken from tearing at the rope, and at one point the nail on your middle finger catches and gets stuck fast in the rope. The fire has spread to the carpet, and thick, black smoke is billowing up. You take a deep breath and brace yourself for the pain – it’s nothing compared to burning alive – and yank your hand back.

“Gah!” It’s a furious pain, for so small a point. The fingernail is ripped off your finger and hangs there as your nail bed bleeds freely. You force yourself to keep moving, to undo the knot or rip the rope off completely but the pain makes it hard to breathe…  or is it the smoke quickly filling the air? With movements made jerky by panic, you at last find a loose end and pull it through the knot. The rope around your wrist loosens and you’re able to slip your hand out. You’re not going to think about the fact that you can’t feel three of your fingers or move them properly. You’re free. You look around wildly, rushing for the door. You rattle the handle, but it’s locked. You can try to kick through it? But what if Yoonji is on the other side of the door, and shoves you back into the flames? The window next to the bed is locked too. But… You bend down and, straining, lift her entire bedside nightstand up. As soon as you stand your legs wobble and threaten to collapse, and you feel blood continue to drip down your neck and back. You stumble, almost to the window, but–

“Ugh-” You lose your grip and the nightstand crashes to the floor, almost on your foot. At that moment, you’re tempted to break down completely. What if you just… gave up? If you go through the window, you’ll probably die in the fall. Through the door, if you can even kick it down, and Yoonji will surely be waiting for you. You could just stay here, where at least death is a merciful certainty.

No – what are you thinking? You have to live. If you die, Yoonji will be free, and you won’t be able to tell your story. If you die now… she wins.

You adjust your stance and, arms trembling, lift the nightstand once more. The air is getting harder to breathe, you don’t know how much longer you have. You heave the nightstand at the window and it crashes straight through the glass, smashing down onto the street four stories below. Wait – the street. It must only be a little past midnight, because you can see some teens and adults still walking the street in costume. Passersby!

“HELP!” You shriek, waving your hand. You’re cut and bleeding in several places from flying glass, and you surely look fit for Halloween.

Wait. Hang on. One of the adults laughs and points up at you. “Great costume!” he yells.

“No, no, no…” the smoke is getting thicker, the fire closer. “Please- please help!” What you need to be a strong yell comes out a broken sob. “There’s a fire! Please help me!”

Two groups seem to realize it’s not just a Halloween prank, and you see some people whip out their phones to call the police. Several more rush forward, but clearly have no plan other than to stand beneath the window.

The police will take too long. You blink through the smoke, which is now visible through the window. You will not burn alive. And you won’t let Yoonji walk free, not after this. You brush the broken glass away from the windowsill and carefully step onto the ledge, a bleeding angel in the night. Your wings and white dress glow in such contrast to the walls that it looks like you’re flying.

You hear gasps and screams, and a “Don’t jump!”

Idiot. As though you have a choice. No, you only have one choice left, and you’re making it count. “My name is Y/n L/n,” You yell, forcing down a smoky cough, “And the person who killed me is Min Yoonji!”

No time to think. You step forward off the ledge, closing your eyes. Forty feet isn’t that far to fall, maybe you’ll make it.

Fucking Snickers bar.