#and after one shakey moment im like OK FUCK YOU NOW HATE ME FOREVER
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Somehow everything that's gone pear shaped ATM is linked back to it being my fault and I'm realising holy shit I really need to be better
#he speaks#kinda a vent post#i feel like im fucking up all my relationships cause im a pushover and i have to make things easier for strangers/acquaintances#rather than people i genuinely love#i think my view of people and friendships is fucked#i cannot tell who actually likes me#and after one shakey moment im like OK FUCK YOU NOW HATE ME FOREVER#which i know makes me sound like a whiney lil bitch#and its hard to communicate that to people cause i know if i dont choose my words VERY carefully it can come off as manipulative#so i just... dont tell people?#i act like everybody's friend cause that's what i want my role to be#but i actually dont think i can tell who actually loves me#unless its REAL obvious and then its only temporary until even the slightest thing happens#idk why it is that way#or how to fix it#but i need to#i need to fix it#my gf is mad atm and im like 90% sure it's at a few people and an overall situation#but im terrified that shes mad at me#not cause she'll do anything#just cause in my head people dont get mad at their friends#(WHICH I KNOW ISNT TRUE)#idfk guys my brain is just fucked#i need to sleep or something
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