#which i know makes me sound like a whiney lil bitch

[cantsaythetword]

Somehow everything that's gone pear shaped ATM is linked back to it being my fault and I'm realising holy shit I really need to be better

[stumacher-theghostface]

Shut up

Warning:language,not safe for work,degrading kink,humiliation kink?,could be seen as dub-con kinda so ya know there is that,basically allot of random kinky shit

This is a jackson X gn!reader fanfic.

Jacksons jaw was clenched tightly as he gritted out "jesus do you ever know how to shut up?!do you!" And he stalked up to you grabbing your jaw rightly in a bruising grip. You couldn't help but try to pull away from the angry man infront of you,how did you get in this situation exactly? Well you had been complaining about him not giving you enough attention and now sadly for you welp you have it just maybe not in the way you had hoped so all in all it wasn't a shock when a whimper left you.

Upon hearing said whimper tho jackson just got a sadistic little smirk as he leaned close and slotted his knee between yours and grinding it before speaking "well ain't that pathetic...you just bitching cause you wanted me to fuck you?jesus you could have just asked didn't need to push me...or maybe you wanted too huh?" And he paused loosening his grip so you could actually speak clearly expecting an answer and an answer you gave in the form of a soft ,whiney "no i didn't mean too,sir" which had him scoffing and rolling his eye's before the hand on your jaw was suddenly latched in your hair craning your head up to look at him more then before and he says "wrong answer...i don't like lying sweetheart cause i think you wanted me mad...i think you wanted me to do this...wanna know why?cause you are a filthy little cunt who just needs stuffed full of me" and then he used the hand in your hair to make you nod before snapping "say "yes sir" c'mon use your big word's or are you to much of a dumb lil mutt to answer?". You couldn't help the shudder running up your spin or the way your hips rocked into his thigh trying to get any sense of friction as you let out a soft moan of "yes sir!please give it to me,wanna make it up to you...please it makes me feel so good" and well you singing his praises seemed to have worked him up enough that he pushed you down to your knees then started undoing his belt with one hand well the other pulled open your mouth well he leaned over gathering spit till he was happy and spitting in your mouth before gruffly grunting out "don't swallow it keep it on your tongue" before leaning up and shoving his pants down just enough that his cock could be free then he took himself into one hand before tangling the other into your hair once more and thrusted himself into your mouth causing you to gag. Tho it didn't really seem as tho he cared since his pace didn't slow or stutter but clearly the thought of him fucking your mouth with his spit in it was a pleasant one because he groans out "god you are so fuckin perfect for me ain't ya?you'd let me do anything i want wouldn't you...bet if i made you get off by grinding on my filthy fucking boots thru those pretty lil fuckin panties you'd do it wouldn't you?!" And the slight nod of your head was all it took to have him pulling out and gesturing for you to strip. So you did and when just your panties where left he pulled you along as he sat on the couch and tugged you close and he pushed your head down controlling the pace with your hair before puting the tip of his work boots against your center and he grumbles "fuckin prove it". Honestly it would be a humiliating sight if anyone walked in on this since you where being ruthlessly throat fucked like a fleshlight well grinding against his boot like a needy bitch in heat but the idea of that seemed to be far to arousing to your own body and some sick part of you almost hoped some one would walk in on you two. Your thoughts where interrupted by jackson letting out what sounded like a moan but later he would deny the ability to ever make a sound. He was looking down at you and couldn't help speeding up just a bit since you looked beautiful with your face flushed,tears running down your cheeks and to top it off the moans you let out around his cock was heavenly. He knew between not having had the time to relax and have fun and how you looked as well as sounded he wouldn't last long but from the sounds you let out you wouldn't either. After a bit of feeling yourself climbing towards that peak you grew more frantic you your grinding and it sent you tumbling over in a leg shaking orgasm but then jackson pulled out and shoved you down before straddling your smaller frame and stroking himself over you it only took 3 tugs of his cock before he was covering you with a nearly feral growl ripping it's way last his lips.

After a bit of you both calming down from your highs jack got up and walked out only to return with a wet rag and start cleaning you up,helping you dress then he got some food and water before cuddling up on the couch with you. He played with your hair till you both fell asleep.

[goddamnmuses-a]

Dan Watches: Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith

Alright so I did this for Episode I which you can find here and then Episode II which you can find here. So here’s my weird live reaction/note taking/whatever this is.. to Episode llI.

War! Huh Yeah! What is it good for?

There are heroes on both sides? We’ll see about that.. 

General Greivous first mention.. provided you’ve not seen the clone wars cartoon. 

So much shit goes down in these opening crawls, like Palpatine being kidnapped. 

Jedi fighters are coooooooool

Vulture droids are kinda cool too

R4 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Getting the I have a bad feeling about this out of the way early is wise because i feel like if you’re super aware of it, it might take you out of the moment. It’s used well here though. 

This gives me old StarWars Battlefront vibes. 

Ohhh nooooo My boy Savage is dead now... nooooooo.

Why does that guy sound like a surfer dude?

Oh look it’s the Captain America elevator scene but with Jedi. 

R2 is a weapon of mass destruction. 

Anakin seems mature already

Was that flip really needed Dooku?

Do it. 

Palpatine manipulating Ani is goooooood. 

He straight up tries to let Obiwan die and Ani’s not suspiscious? 

Palpatine is like “I swear to god if i die in this crash.. my plans.. all my plans.. fucked.”

“Another Happy Landind” Obiwan has Bob Ross vibes. 

Yeaaaah Organa 

Padme: Yaaay im a mom. Anakin: Well fuck... I mean yay.

“The happiest moment of my life” actually pretty sad knowing whats to come. 

Cal’s just a baby on a starfighter right now doing some training on The Albedo Brave.. poor baby.

Awwwh hun you aint having them babies.. not alive anyway. 

Love has blinded him, he’s a dark sider now. 

That dream could just be a normal child birth.. those things are intense. 

You know what, if they went to Obi-Wan he’d be like “FFs Anakin” but then he’d help because Obi is the best boy. 

Yoda as cool as he is.. could do a bit more. 

Obiwan knows Palpatines no good. 

This is just me stanning Obi now. 

I wonder if Ewan McGregor has seen the Clone Wars cartoon. 

Anakin you gotta earn your place, don’t be Episode 2 whiney bitch Ani again.

I wonder if we ever get any High Republic stuff will it go into Yoda and the Wookies. 

 Even the council are like.. Hmm.. Palpatines shady. 

“The chancellor is not a bad man” errrr... 

Yoda knows somethings up

Even Padme is like “Palpatine’s a bit of a cunt.”

Palpatines a good story teller tbf, even if he’s telling the story of killing his own master

Anakin apologising and like.. that look of Proud dad on Obi’s face.. awh hun. 

Eveyrones getting into Positions for Order 66... Wounds still fresh for me since playing Fallen Order. 

Scary alien man not so scary.. he’s alright. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover kids. 

Yaaay cool mounts. 

“Hello There.” We stan. 

The fact Obiwan doesnt managed to take a second lightsaber and use it in this fight is a missed opportunity for some duel weild coolness. 

Greivous skittering away is creepy af. 

I like both these mounts. 

“The dark side surrounds the chancellor” you know theres a sith lord somewhere... maybe like.. go get him? 

This is it, this is Ani’s decision time, they’re circling like tigers gonna fight

Ani realises he’s the Sith and still is like “Hmm.. but maybe he’s right tho”

Rip Grievous. 

Mace Windu should really tell a bunch of other people about Palpatine being a Sith like Ani just said. 

Oh he did, nevermind. 

...That long distance stare off is strange though. 

WTF is that noise when Palpatine does his spin.. gonna have fucking nightmares about that noise. 

KIT FISTO NOOOO YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL SMILE!

Mace could have killed Palpatine and saved us all a lot of hassle if he was just faster. 

Those no’s are grim. 

Palpatines acting is pretty good..pathetic but good. 

POWER!!! UNLIMITED POOOWWEEEERRRR!!!

You know what.. I’m with Samuel L Jackson, Mace Windu could have survived that. 

Where’d he pull the name Darth Vader out of? Is there a naming convention for Sith or is he just like... Vader is a cool sounding thing. 

You know what.. Anakin falls to servitude sooo fast. He’s such a bottom.

How come the clones don’t attack Anakin, how’d they know hes alright? 

This movie really just.. makes it seem like the Clones just betray the Jedi when we all know it’s the chip. 

Long head guy whos name i never remember NOOOOOOOO

Aayla Sekura.. i remember your name because damn ;) .. Noooooooo!

ANAKIN YOU LEAVE THAT YOUNGLING ALONE

You know what would be good..  if Anakin just got beat the shit out of by the younglings and thats how he died. 

Damn that young padawans a bad ass.

and he’s dead :(

Awwh Tarfful and Chewie.

Hey fuck you Anakin you whore. 

Going back to the temple is a gooood scene. 

Anakin you dick... i mean kill these assholes but the poor babies :c

Sith eyes kick in real quick. 

I suppose killing all those kids that he rly didnt need to because they could have just become Inquisitors did help/hinder? 

So this is how liberty dies.. good line Padme, nice.

Love Obi warning other Jedi to gtfo, We stan. 

Some dodgy acting in this scene but i’ll overlook it

Obiwan just taking a shit on the way to kill his boy.

Darth Maul has a more intimidating hologram.. good thing you’re gonna get cooked and become more intimidating. 

In a way Darth Vader did kill Anakin so Obiwan isn’t exactly lying to Luke about it.

Anakin never loved Padme. Controversial Opinion but i think he just had a childhood crush on her and never got over it. He wouldn’t have force choked her so quickly otherwise. He gets jealous like instantly, basically if you’re looking for an example of a toxic relationship.. here we go. 

Nice touch with the light being behind Obi and darkness behind Vader. 

Noooo Yoda. 

Euurghhh nails on chalkboard sound. 

“There’s no sign of his body” “Then he’s not dead” I’m sorry I thought Jedi faded to nothingness? 

This fights pretty epic tho

“From my point of view the jedi are evil” alright.. ya lil bitch

I think the I have the high ground thing is just an attempt to get Anakin to stop, a last desperate attempt. 

“You underestimate my-” Cut in half. 

Obi fucks up by not finishing him off tbf. 

Luke’s first apperace chronologically!

aand Leia. .. So Luke’s older... idk why i felt the need to state that but heyo

Yo is Vader’s vision always red?

“There’s good in him, i know” dies. .. Thats not something that someone whos lost the will to live would say. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Oooooh in the Disney+ Obi show will we get him learning to communicate with Qui Gon.. pls. 

C3P0′s mind gets wiped..  a bunch.. but not R2. 

The funeral scene is nice. 

Damn they started work on the first death star like right away. 

TBF they also started work on Starkiller base pretty quick too so.. naa fair this checks out. 

Alderaan is gorgeous. 

Yo, Luke’s aunt is hot. 

You know what, Owen and Beru don’t get enough credit. 

Well that’s that.. I think I like this the most out of the prequels followed by Ep 1 then Ep 2.

[turquoisemagpie]

WKM: 20 Years Later.

4) 

“Woah!” Abe yelled in shock and pulled the knife out of the doorway, “Jeez! I simple ‘don’t come in’ would have been nicer!” “What the hell are you doing here, you dick?!” growled a brawny and rather terrifying looking man in a chef’s hat. He glanced at Lottie before telling Abe “You’re lucky there’s a lady present, or I would slice your ugly face off!” “You nearly sliced her face off, moron!” Benjamin shrieked. He walked over to Lottie to check on her. “Are you alright, miss?”  Lottie could barely hear anyone through her maddeningly quick heartbeat. She turned to face the wall and buried her face in her hands. Covering her eyes, she couldn’t see anything around her, and through the gap between her hands she took long deep breaths. She timed her breathing to her heartbeat; eventually her breaths got longer as her heartbeat finally slowed down. She calmed down after the tense and petrifying event, but as soon as she felt a hand on her shoulder she quickly spun back around, shrugging off Benjamin’s hand. He flinched away and backed off, realising she didn’t want to be bothered.  “I’m sorry, miss.” the chef said rather unsympathetically, “I’m usually not the best, this time of day.” He reached out and snatched his knife out of Abe’s hand. “That’s no excuse!” Abe objected, “You’ve probably traumatised her now!” “I’m fine!” Lottie snapped, just to stop Abe from raising his voice, “I’m fine. Let’s just get this over with.” She took out her notebook and started flipping through to a clean page as she spoke. “My name is Lottie. And, long story short, my parents disappeared on the night of the Markiplier’s mur-” She glanced up to see everyone, even the chef now, staring at her with terrified looks. “The Markiplier killing. They were Celine, Mr. Markiplier’s wife, and William, AKA: The Colonel. I’m on my own personal investigation to find out where they are and what happened to them. And yes, I’m aware they may be dead. I’m aware I may never see them with my own eyes. But, since I feel personally cheated in some way, having lived my whole life without their guidance, I feel like I deserve some answers. Everyone is confused about what really happened that night, even all of those who were there. But I think it’s best if, one by one, you finally take the weight off your chests, and tell your sides of the story.”  The three men shared a look with each other. Lottie glanced around at them, waiting seriously for someone to respond.  “I’ve already told you my story.” Abe pointed out. “I… would rather discuss my experiences in private.” Benjamin admitted anxiously. Lottie turned to the chef. “We’ll start with you then.” 

The chef groaned in annoyance. He threw his knife into the wooden table, making it stand up through the wood. “I didn’t kill Mark, if that’s what you really wanna know.” he said, “Although, given the chance, I would have. The stuck-up little daddy’s boy never worked a real day in his life, just taking up the family inheritance and waving his arms around in front of a camera… all while I had to cook and clean for him!... Heck, I didn’t mind it when I was cooking for his wife, or the Mayor, or that army boy, but as soon as they were all gone he just acted like all my effort was nothing. Waltzing into the kitchen, stealing my knives, eating pieces of the raw meat freshly delivered- he was a freak! I certainly wasn’t sad to see him go!” He glanced to the waiter, “And I know I’m not the only one who thought that.”  Lottie scribbled down everything he was saying, not taking her eyes of the page.  “What did you know about the Colonel?” Abe pressed, walking up to Lottie to watch her pen go. “Careless fucker.” Chef said with an ugly chuckle, “I don’t think the army did him any good. It didn’t stop him from being a temperamental whiney bitch. I think all the army did was to ‘improve him’ was give him a goddamn gun. Shooting holes in the ceiling to get people’s attention, pointing at people with the thing fully loaded in casual conversation, shooting the door handles off whenever he couldn’t get into a room… someone should have taken that gun off him long ago! No wonder he killed Mark.” Lottie looked up from her noted startled, “I’m sorry, what?” Chef pulled the knife out of the table. He went to a leg of meat, waiting for him on a chopping board. “Well. He seemed like the most likely. He hated Mark, and I don’t blame him. Everyone hated him.” “I didn’t.” Damien mumbled.  Celine nodded. “I know, Damien. But you didn’t see him when he was angry.” Damien hummed in agreement. “Not before it was too late anyway.”  The knife plunged into the leg with a sickening squelch as the chef continued, “I always wondered whether he knew everyone hated him.” He slowly turned towards the detective. “I guess that’s why he hired you, ‘ay?” Stunned, Abe glanced around at everyone, especially Lottie. “W-what the hell are you talking about?” “Don’t act like you don’t know, dick.” the chef snapped, pulling the knife out of the leg and pointing it at Abe, “I saw you! You and Mark! 1:30am! You were spying on all of us for him, weren’t ya? Trying to set us all up!” He smiled once seeing Abe’s mortified face. “My lil’ buddy sees all.” 

Suddenly a door from the other side of the kitchen was kicked wide open and a lanky-looking younger man in a greasy chef’s uniform stumbled in, dragging behind him two men by their shirt collars. “Boss!” he called in a foul voice, “Found these two out the back again, trying to sneak in through the trash tube!” He threw the two men to the dirty kitchen floor. As they fell one of the men, who was holding a handheld camera, dropped the camera which smashed into clunky pieces on the floor. They scampered about to get on their knees, one trying to retrieve the pieces of the camera.  Lottie was amazed to notice that the two men were indistinguishable, like identical twins; both in pastel blue shirts and carci pants, with unkempt black hair, course beards and looks of utter bewilderment.  “I thought I told you two!” the chef blasted at them, waving his knife towards them, “If I ever saw your ugly asses around here again, I would slice you both up for the meat in next week’s sandwiches!” “I’m sorry!” one of the twins said, “I must apologise for my brother, Jim’s, actions as well as my own!”  “No! I’m the one who should apologise!” said his brother, in the same hushed tone of voice, “Jim here was only doing as I said! He’s the innocent Jim here!” “I don’t CARE who’s fault it is!” the chef yelled, “I told you stupid bastards that whatever the heck you’re looking for is not here! Now stop pestering me and my workforce! This is the LAST warning I’ll give the pair of you!” He hurled his knife at the floor in front of them, causing the two Jims to clumsily crawl their way out of the kitchen and outside.  “Keep an eye on them.” Chef told the lanky cook, “Kick ‘em outta here if they even get 3 yards close to this place.”  The cook nodded and disappeared out the door. “Who’s that guy?” Abe asked, sounding slightly disgusted. “He’s the sous chef.” Chef answered bluntly.  Lottie could have answered in more detail. She knew the name of the sous chef, she knew how old he was, how many times a week he was suspended from class, and how he laughed like a hyena whenever he tried to grab her in the corridors when heading to bed. She begged repeatedly to herself that he didn’t recognise her when they shared a quick glance… “Never mind!” Abe barked after seeing Lottie looking very uncomfortable. “I think broom-up-his-ass butler here wants to tell his story in private. I need to talk to the chef anyway.”  Chef tightened his grip on the handle of his knife.  “Y-yes, good idea.” Benjamin stuttered, “Follow me, miss.” He headed out of the kitchen, Lottie following close behind him. “She can’t go! She needs to hear this!” Celine stipulated, “She needs to know Abe is dangerous!” “Yes, but you can’t force her to stay!” Damien protested, holding back Celine as she tried to reach for Lottie like a cat grabbing at a dangling string. “She’s smart. And we can feel her suspicion, she doesn’t trust Abe. I know she’ll find a way!” “But what if she doesn’t?” Celine asked. Damien paused to think. He looked around them. Although he, as a spirit, couldn’t interact fully with the world, he could see beyond things that no living person can see. And through the walls Damien saw the Jim twins sneaking around the back of the building, trying to find a way in.  He smiled. “We’ll make her a way.”

“I’ll try to find somewhere secluded to talk properly, but I’ll answer some questions as we walk.” Benjamin said to Lottie who was trailing behind him.  “Ok.” She started, “How long where you the butler of the manor?” “I served them for 12 years. Not as long as the groundskeeper and certainly not as long as the chef.” “So, you were around when Celine lived in the Manor?” “Yes. She and Master Mark had their wedding within my second week on the job.” “Were you aware that Celine was having an affair with the Colonel?” Benjamin though for a second as they both turned a corner to head down a corridor. He responded, “I wasn’t aware. I knew there was a rivalry between Master Mark and the Colonel, but I never suspected Miss Celine to be in anyway interested in him. Although, she was silent during their arguments, and never interfered… Considering her headstrong behaviour, I now find that quite strange.”  “You must have a least been aware of a baby, though.” Lottie suggested. He nodded. “I was fully aware of the child.” Without warning he turned to look down at her. “You are claiming yourself to be the baby in question?” “Yep.” Lottie answered, smiling proudly at him. He looked her up and down and raised his eyebrow quizzically before turning back to walking. “Honestly, I never considered the possibility of the baby being the Colonel’s. And when Miss Celine left the house to take the baby away she explained to me it was for the child’s safety, claiming that Master Mark’s behaviour had become too aggressive for raising a child.” He approached a room and proceeded to unlock the door as he finished his thought. “I never questioned why his behaviour had changed. Now I think about it, I suspect the child itself was the reason he changed.” Lottie scowled; she was going to have to get used to these people claiming her to have been the base of all Markiplier’s problems. But she knew she’d get used to it, she was used to people blaming her for all their problems anyway.  They went into the room that contained nothing but a window to the wall of the building next door, and two chairs. Benjamin set the chairs to face each other and he took a seat, Lottie taking the other. “What do you suspect about Markiplier’s death?” “I knew there was something suspicious about it, but I never figured why until now.” He learned forward, resting his chin on his palm, looking quizzical. He mumbled, “Looking back, I do suspect there was a set up in some way. After the discovery of Master’s body, the detective wasn’t rushing to call the police, even after I suggested we should have. He claimed he was the authority, so there was no need for any more hands on the case. After a while, for reasons to this day that aren’t explained, Master’s body disappeared, supposedly with no one to witness it.” “Disappeared?” Lottie pressed. “Everyone suspected he had become zombified.” the waiter said, rolling his eyes at the suggestion, “But I suspect the body was taken, by the last person seen with the body. The detective. Why? I’m not sure. But I suspect it was to tease the Colonel.” Lottie scribbled everything down as quick as she could, the ink smudging just a little as she gave it no time to dry. “Why would he tease the Colonel?”  Benjamin glanced at the door behind her, keeping quiet to listen carefully for any voices. Then he shuffled forward, and spoke quieter, “I believed it was to make him feel bad for killing him.” Lottie flinched back from this comment. She was starting to feel concerned. Why has everyone she met so far instantly accusing the Colonel? Nobody was there to witness the murder, so why was he suspect number one? She cleared her throat and asked, “Why do you think it was the Colonel who killed Mark?” “Well, it seems the most logical explanation.” he admitted, “They both despised each other, the Colonel was envious of Master’s devious ways of being the favourite child of the family to get the majority of the inheritance, Master Mark detested how the Colonel could do what he liked having such a high position in the armed forces, Master must have suspected the affair between Miss Celine and the Colonel… and thinking about it now, Master must have been entirely convinced of the affair after Miss Celine left with the child.” He sat back in his chair to catch his breath. “The question now is which one of those reasons was the one they fought to the death about? Their money? Their dignity?... Or a girl? And if it was a girl… were they fighting for a wife… or a daughter?”

Tap. Tap. Tap. Both of them nearly jumped out of their seats at the sound of tapping on the window. Benjamin spun around to the window and looked out to try and find the source. As he looked out the window he noticed something moving in the alleyway. Two men. The Jims, trying to sneak around the back. Benjamin sighed angrily. “Excuse me.” he said leaving the room. Lottie stood up and followed after him, but his tall figure strode further away until he was around the corner and gone. “Yes!” Damien cheered, “See, Celine? You don’t have to physically control someone to get them to do what you want. It just takes a little sign here and there.” “Ok, ok! You’ve proved your point.” she spluttered, “Now, can you somehow get her to overhear the VERY IMPORTANT CONVERSATION that’s going on in the kitchen please?”   “Simple!” Damien hailed, pushing down on the door handle of the door Lottie was about to pass. “Ghostly haunting 101.” A sudden metallic click of a door handle being released made Lottie jump. She watched as the door she just passed slowly creaked open. When it stopped she tip toed to the door and peek through. Just the long corridor passing the kitchen. Not one soul around. How could the door open by itself? “You gotta have some clues as to where that fucker is!” Abe’s voice, coming from the kitchens. He sounded agitated. Lottie decided to investigate. But as she got closer to the doorway to the kitchen she felt uneasy, as if she wasn’t meant to be there, and she suddenly felt that if she intervened on whatever was going on, she’d deeply regret it. She didn’t know really why. It was just a feeling. So, she kept her footsteps light and, keeping her back to the wall, she listened carefully. “It’s been nearly 2 decades since that incident.” Lottie heard the chef say bitterly, “Why would I have any more information? Ever since I left that dump I’ve tried my best to forget everything about it!” “Well you certainly failed doing that, Mr. blabber-mouth! But listen, believe it or not, some new evidence has come up.” Abe told him, “Something that could help me track down the Colonel.” Lottie peeked around the corner as discreetly as she could, only being able to see the chef. The chef said with a puzzled expression, “Wait. You knew it was him all this time! Then why the hell are you coming here to me?!” “I don’t know for sure if he’s the killer,” Abe explained, “but at this point, I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about the crime, all I care about is finding that son of a bitch. If that girl really is his daughter, then she could lead me to him. And then-.” Abe paused to cough; Lottie could see through the reflection on a pan that he was clutching his stomach again. He then growled and finished, “…I’ll kill him for what he did to me and Mark.” Lottie gasped, then swiftly covered her mouth, hoping to whatever god that nobody heard her. She felt like kicking herself in the foot for telling the detective too much; if she’d had known he was out to kill her father, she would have run straight out the house when they first encountered each other. She should have suspected him when he held the gun to her head. And now she knew why his presence always gave her a bad feeling.

Taking very light and careful steps back, she snuck herself away back down the hallway. Reaching the corner, she turned towards the exit, only to have her arm grabbed and her body pushed against the wall. “Thought I wouldn’t recognize you, ‘ay, Charlotte?” the lanky sous chef hissed into her ear, making her cringe immensely. “Well, you thought wrong, you stupid bitch!” “Get the fuck off me, Kyle.” Lottie snarled, wanting to shout, but realising Abe was still close by. She tried to pull her hand out of his grip, but his filthy greasy hands held on tight.  Grabbing her other hand by her side and pinning both arms against the wall, Kyle jeered with a disgusting breath, “Nah. You know I’m still not done with you.” He leaned in closer to try and kiss her. Lottie lunched her knee into his groin. As he hurled himself back she punched him hard in the nose and slipped away sprinting towards the exit. But it didn’t take long for Kyle to catch up to her and grab her by the waist to pull her back.  In the doorway for the exit Lottie struggled with the sous chef, and although he certainly grunted and growled to keep Lottie under control, she tried her best to remain silent. The very reason she got into this mess was because she was trying not to catch Abe’s attention; if she screamed now, he’d surely come to the rescue. She was sure she didn’t even need rescuing; she dealt with this creep before.  Kyle managed to get behind her and get her in an inescapable headlock. She thought twice about screaming for help.  “It’s not worth it, Charlotte.” Kyle spat at her, “No nurses to come to the rescue here. We’re outside the walls! Nothing’s gonna stop me now!” He pushed the exit door open with his back.

There was a surprised scream, then a heavy thump and a crash, and soon Lottie found herself on the floor, free from Kyle’s grip. Surrounding her was a cloud of dust and scattered broken bricks, and lying next to her was Kyle rolling on the ground clutching his head. Without stopping to think she grabbed a brick and dropped it on his head, knocking him out cold. Hopefully. As much as she hated his guts, she wouldn’t want to kill anyone. Then she heard another moan and turned behind her to see the Jim’s from before, both sitting in pain and confusion within the scattered bricks.  “Hey!” she shouted to them. “Yeah?” one Jim answered. “Are you ok?” “No.” the other Jim replied, clutching his ankle and wincing in pain. Lottie stood up, glad to find she hadn’t broken any bones, and looked at the exit doorway. The entire windowsill of the window above the door was destroyed, looking as if it had been hauled off by too much weight. Looking at the steps of stacked boxes and bins, then looking at the Jim’s, she guessed they were trying to climb into the window above. She smiled at the convenience of their sneaky endeavour, and also at the rather stupid but brave lengths these boys would go to get a good scoop.   “You boys are terrific!” she chanted cheerfully, going over to help the pair of them up, “You saved my life.” She pulled the second Jim up, who howled in agony as he stood up and began hopping on one foot. “Ankle’s down! Broken, if I’m unlucky!” he groaned. He pointed to his brother. “I didn’t sign up for this, Jim!” “That’s just one of the consequences in being a great reporter, Jim.” his brother replied, brushing the dust off himself, “We’ll be just a great as, if not better than, our uncle Jim! But we gotta take risks, Jim, it’s our duty!” Lottie suddenly heard Abe’s voice from inside, calling for her. She had to go, quickly, but then she realised the Jim’s would get in trouble with the chef, for ruining his building. She hooked broken-ankle-Jim’s arm over her shoulders and hastily helped him walk out the alleyway. “What are you doing with Jim, Jim?- duh- I mean! Miss?” the uninjured Jim asked.  Lottie replied, “It’s my turn to save your lives now. Come with me.” Uninjured-Jim went the other side of his brother and put the other arm over him. Soon, nearly lifting injured-Jim off the ground, they got out the alley way and Lottie lead them down the street, back into town towards her apartment. 

[herselfportrait]

LIVE COVERAGE: LEEDS FEST 2018

(Written for Soundsphere Magazine)

Leeds Festival is a place where large-print names dripping in prestige take to the dirge and drizzle of Yorkshire’s Bramham Park to perform to thousands of glittered faces, caked in mud up to their knees; a place where upcoming bands from across the world are the greatest small-print discoveries; a place where, in between sets, you’d rather not tell your parents about. The British festival is a different beast to its global counterparts – it’s a weekend-long lifestyle, brilliant in its squalor and its drunken, grinning optimism. Almost every year, the line-up polarises opinion: “The worst line-up ever!”; “It proves rock is dead!” are the kinds of remarks that crop up, always whiney, always wrong. The line-up for 2018 was undoubtedly the most variegated yet, with a spectrum of genres reaching further than ever before. Though this year saw yet another dusting off of festival favourites Kings of Leon, The Kooks and Courteeners – enjoyable, but textbook-safe and pedestrian at best – it was ultimately a line-up of risk.

Friday was graced by the linchpins of the SoundCloud phenomenon: Lil Pump and SCARLXRD. It would be easy to consider SoundCloud rap as a niche, little-known micro-genre, where if you know, you know. What I saw at Leeds Fest is just how deeply these lo-fi, self-made rappers are running through people’s veins. Drawing droves of young people – far more than you could imagine – screaming their verses, whipping up mosh pits with a violence as if they’d been electrocuted, these livewires are the punks of our generation. With an identity born out of the blue, self-raised on laptops in bedrooms, SoundCloud is the breeding ground for the next Sid Vicious. SCARLXRD’s vitriolic rap-metal hybrid, characterised by claustrophobic trap beats and ear-shredding vocals that rise like bile is the thing of your mother’s nightmares. Yet just like his mumble-rap counterpart Lil Pump, united in genre but differing in sound, the masses are entranced. Like it or loathe it, SoundCloud rap taps into something we needed. 2018 was the first year Leeds embraced SoundCloud stars with open arms. Their finger is on the pulse of the now far better than we thought.

The indie-rock front this year was far better fought by Spector and King Nun than anything you’d be likely to see on the Main Stage. The Festival Republic Stage boasted a menagerie of acts that were consistent in flair and originality. London’s Spector, with their debonair wit, soaring pop melodies and vocals that echo the eighties, gave an excellent neon-tinted performance. Their shrug-of-the-shoulders narcissism that is their trademark, however, made them seem inert on stage. If it weren’t for their stellar music, your mind might wander. The real knock-outs were Dirty Hit’s King Nun (pictured). The shabby grandeur that makes every track an anthem defied Sunday’s downpour. They threw themselves around the stage, caught in the eye of a storm where every drop spun them in a different direction. With frontman Theo’s gift of the gab between songs, and the brattish hysteria of his voice that was just as atmospheric as it is on record, King Nun brought one of the most incredible sets not only of the day – but the weekend itself.

One of the best things about Leeds Fest 2018 is the wealth of female-fronted bands so high up the bill. It’s so easy for festivals to be crammed with lads with stadium-size saviour complexes – it was great to see these typically underrepresented bands given the recognition their merit deserves. Dream Wife, before I say anything else, are just fucking cool. Since the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, punk rock has never been so exhilarating. Their music is charged with riot-grrrl smarts and aggression, tinged with that little bit of danger in the fun. Absolutely captivating to watch, with the kind of sexiness that wields power, Dream Wife will have you chanting “gonna fuck you up, gonna cut you up!” – you’ll feel ten times taller than you did before. If we take a walk to The Pit – the host of Bring Me The Horizon and Frank Carter and The Rattlesnakes’ secret set – all-female Seattle band Thunderpussy are waiting there. Their name is vivid enough for you to imagine what this glam-rock foursome are about: they’re entertainers, glittering on stage and unafraid to speak their minds. With experimental dance moves, thigh-high boots and an American stage-school charm, frontwoman Molly Sides brought theatrics to their performance that entirely separates Thunderpussy from other bands of their ilk. In a music industry that leaves fun as an afterthought, both Dream Wife and Thunderpussy made it an integral part of their identity. Girls really do just want to have fun.

Reading and Leeds 2018 was an anti-pop dreamscape. Rex Orange County’s parma violet-sweet sound had so many people sat on shoulders, arms outspread, singing along to his breezy pop melodies with their lyrics of endless of optimism and insecurities. The brass section, owing to the R’n’B influences Alex O’Connor wears on his sleeve, added weight and memorability to his live performance. His trademark song ‘Loving is Easy’ welcomed a chorus of singing along, with friends and lovers dancing to its twinkling chorus. And then there was Brockhampton: arguably one of the most important – not to mention influential – collectives in the world. This all-American boyband is a lo-fi hip-hop collage created by the most exciting multidisciplinary creatives in the game. Founded by Kevin Abstract in a Kanye West forum, their music is undeniably the greatest thing since West’s emergence. Their infectious, irreplicable beats bear the torch for a new strain of rap; a new strain of band. Elusive, with the kind of mystique that creates undying passion in their followers, it was incredible that Reading and Leeds Fest was one of the first UK dates they have ever played. The hysteria was immense. You had the sense that everyone knew that this, right here, was what they had been waiting for. In their matching outfits – a typical boyband trope they somehow warp to their own ends – Brockhampton’s performance was lightning in a bottle. The kind of adulation they received was no less than what you’d expect for a boyband in the typical sense, not to mention the sense in which they have redefined it. Brockhampton, alone, were the perfect reason to go.

The weekend was crowned with Pulitzer Prize-winning Kendrick Lamar. The fine curtain of rain as night fell was a testament to the loyalty of Lamar’s army of fans. His music is smooth, prismatic and shaded with sensitivity and the kind of intellect that has earned him the laurel of being ‘King of New York’ – no small feat for a Compton boy. Bodies crushed with intensity at the front of the stage, clamouring to be close to the Bard of rap. The energy was unbelievable. Every beat drop left the audience swept away by a powerful surge of jumping bodies who, you could see, were having the time of their lives. Pulling the classic stunt of leaving the stage as if he was finished, Lamar left a lingering five minutes before he returned for his performance’s crescendo with ‘Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe’. An anthem. Although, among the sea of people, and on a colossal stage spurting fireworks and theatrics, Kendrick Lamar was strikingly small. The Main Stage often reminds you that the musical deities we worship are, in fact, just human beings, like the rest of us. It’s incredible just how far music can take you: Leeds Fest, and other festivals like it, are the manifestation of our culture that people believe in.