#and all of my friends are either less social than me or only hang out in groups of people im uncomfortable in

[special-agent-spooky-mulder]

sometimes it's like actually it's good for me to be alone and sometimes it's like actually i haven't had a hug in three weeks and i'm about to start biting

[betty-bourgeoisie]

The thing I find most concerning about the sudden and rapid declines of platforms like Twitter, Reddit, and to a lesser extent Discord and Facebook, is the loss of digital third places that will result from it.

[Definition: a Third Place is a space outside of work or the home that you spend a significant amount of time in. Usually a social gathering place like a church, library, park, or gym]

It's a known issue that physical third places are disappearing. Cities, malls, and shopping centers have cracked down hard on loitering, resulting in a lack of public space for people to just hang out in. Parks exist, but their use is usually dependent on weather conditions. Church attendance has been in decline for decades for a lot of reasons I won't get into here. Libraries exist but they're not a good place to talk with friends. And pretty much every other third place I can think of (bars, game stores, bookstores, coffee shops, etc) requires you to spend money if you want to be there. None of these are new observations, smarter people than myself have written whole books on the loss of in-person third places.

Social media has been filling in the gap left by these third places for the last couple of decades. As physical space has become less accessible we've migrated online to find community - and especially during COVID, social media was really the only place you could socialize with others. None of this is new information either.

But the current issue, that I've seen very few people talking about, is that companies are starting to price and bully people out of those digital third places the same way they did with physical third places. The difference is that it's happening much faster, and usually at the whim of just one or two people. These are not broader sociological trends slowly shutting down social spaces like what we saw with the decline of shopping malls. There will be no slow adjustment to another social medium. We are seeing individual billionaires making a choice in real time to monetize people out of some of the only public social spaces we have left.

I've seen people bemoaning the loss of information that comes with these sites collapsing, but personally, I am far more concerned with the loss of social space. Don't get me wrong, social media of all kinds is an absolute nightmare, but for many people (and especially for teenagers who have more restrictions on where they can go and what money they can spend) online space is one of the only places they can reliably go to socialize.

In a country like the U.S. where the federal government is calling loneliness an epidemic this is actually a much bigger concern than I think a lot of people realize. How many people have more online friends than in-person ones? What happens to rates of loneliness as social media platforms become inaccessible and people lose those connections?

Obviously, the preferred answer is that people will go make more friends in person, but remember that in-person social spaces have already been severely limited. This is not the easy option that you might hope it is.

My actual call to action on this is to fucking fight to get your in-person third places back. Talk to your local representatives about repealing loitering laws - organize protests or ballot initiatives about it if you have to. Work with rotary clubs and parks departments to fund new public restrooms and park shelters. If there are places in your community that provide free workshop spaces/ game nights/ art walks/ etc go to them and support them financially when and if you're able. Go to your local library and check out a book so they get more funding! I know this shit can be boring, but things are only going to get worse if people don't have places where they can connect with each other. We can't keep letting capitalists take community spaces from us.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not wanting to homeschool?

i(15ftm) have been getting pressured by my family, and especially my mom, to homeschool. my older brother and 3 younger siblings all agreed to homeschool this year, my brother especially being very enthusiastic. my mom(36f) has been watching a lot of news and tiktoks that have made her certain we need to run away to Tennessee (we live in California ) within the next year or two, and she desperately wants me to homeschool.

i have a lot of trouble focusing on schoolwork specially when im at home, to the point that when we were quarantined i failed all but one class. i also have a hard time making and keeping friends, as i am incredibly socially anxious. this last year and now, ive been making close friends, but its hard to keep in touch or hang out when we arent in school.

ive tried to explain that i would be incredibly depressed (moreso than right now lol) and i would probably lose any chances on making it to anything except community college if i home schooled, but my mom wont hear it. she has always written me a letter to read when i get to school on the first day, and they are always very nice. this year she wrote an incredibly passive-agressive note about how she wishes i would homeschool. she is convinced that i will get convinced to talk to my counselor at school and get sent to a group home and then kidnapped for sex-slavery and such, based off of a law that doesnt exist yet ane won't until i am a senior. ignoring that, i would never and have never talked to the school counselor outside of signing up for classes.

anyways, my mom has been bringing this up in every conversation, and shes also still frustrated that i told my friends i was trans before her, and is convinced the entire school and all teachers know as well. i have tried to tell her otherwise, but she wont listen. i only waited to come out to her in the first place, because when i came out as pan, she took my phone and went through it for a week and thought i was saying that i was attracted to pedophiles, and then she immediately outed me to my brother(16m) and dad(42m), who i was waiting to come out to for another month or so, as i wanted to make sure it wouldnt be unsafe to come out. (she didnt tell me she outed me either, i found out from my dad. my parents are divorced and have been since i was 3.) she has since outed me as trans to my dad as well.

however, disregarding that, she has genuine reason to want me to homeschool. it would be less money since we would have to pay for bus rides, extra food, and school supplies for me, and it would mean i get to spend more time with my family, which is a big plus for her. i also wouldnt have to deal with annoying teachers, as it would all be through online courses. for me though, it wouldnt be worth it at all, and i would lose access to my electives, game design and costume design (i go to an art school).

so, am i the asshole? she is genuinely worried about things right now, but i cant see myself being happy doing homeschooling.

What are these acronyms?

[blossomthepinkbunny]

Stolas & Loona should have friends

(something I feel would work well for their characters)

I feel like Loona's and Stolas' character would really benefit from giving them friendships. Relationships that could help to humanize them, make them more sympathetic or help to develop/change them as people.

For Loona it makes sense to go into that direction because this huge part of her character is dealing with the fact that she grew up sheltered and never had someone who really cared for her. Blitzø is the first real parental figure she has in her life and she is often pretty cruel to him because she never learned to interact with others who genuinely wanted to be kind to her.

I think giving her more of a social life and potential friendships like we kinda got to see in the Beelzebub episode is something they are working up to with her character, though I find it weird that we didn't really get to see her in the new s2 trailer (or in any of the last 5 episodes for that matter). It seems like Loona wont have any focus on her which is dissapointing because right now her character is in a state where she is still pretty unlikable and comes off as just rude more often.

The show had three good opportunities to give Loona someone to be friends with. First one was Tex which didn't work out because she had a crush on him and even after meeting his girlfriend being defensive and jealous rather than realizing that maybe they'd be better as just friends. Second one could've been Beelzebub (if you ignore the fact that she's the one organizing the pounds for hellhounds) but she is Tex's girlfriend so Loona immediately doesn't like her. And lastly Loona and Octavia, who they were kinda setting up as having a sister-like bond in "Seeing Stars".

But Loona and Octavia have never interacted after that as far as we know. Like I said, Loona basically hasn't shown up in a relevant way for 5 episodes now. It could've been small stuff even. Like maybe in "Western energy" instead of having the stupid nursery subplot it could've just been mentioned that Loona and Octavia are hanging out while Stolas is on his meeting with Stella and Andrealphus. Or just see them chilling together in the background of some episodes.

Giving Loona friends would give her someone she could share her feelings with and that could make her less toxic because she can get her emotions out in a non destructive way. She needs someone who isn't Blitzø, someone who is closer to her in age and someone who will understand her and help her with socializing. And in my opinion that someone shouldn't necessarily be a love interest either. We already have so many romantic/sexual relationships in HB and rarely see relevant friendships which I think is a huge missed opportunity, especially in Loonas case.

And for Stolas, giving him a friend would maybe show more of the sympathetic aspects of his character. Right now I don't like Stolas at all and I don't see a reason to either. He forced Blitzø into a sexual relationship so he can do his job and then starts to whine about Blitzø not loving him back. Knowingly or not, he made great use of hells classist system and basically neglects his daughter as well in the process (though the show will tell you that he actually cares a lot despite us not really seeing that on screen).

What pisses me off most about his character is that they don't acknowledge him being a terrible person. I don't care if he's bad as long as the show doesn't try to woobify him out of nowhere. If they pointed out what he does and he would recieve consequences that aren't treated as unfair or mean i'd like him a lot more because then they could also genuinely show him becoming a better person. A characterization similar to Rex Splode from Invincible would really do wonders for him (I've only watched the show for Invincible so I dont know if/how they move his character forward, but so far I really like it).

Anyways, giving him a friend or something could also help. HB tries to make a big point about people having layers and showing that someone who does harmful stuff can still have sympathetic sides to them. Stolas' problem is, that the only focus he ever gets is in relationships where he is acting bad. I already mentioned how he treats Blitzø and with how hard they're pushing them as a couple they're showing Stolas to be pretty terrible in retrospective. We also don't really get to see how hard he apparently cares for Octavia. Giving him a relationship that shows the sympathetic sides to his character could be done by making his relationship with Octavia be actually good. Like showing them hanging out, actively interacting in positive ways and basically making him a great dad but bad partner sort of guy. Giving him a friend would also work as I said. Maybe Asmodeus could've been that or just a new character. Something that makes him more sympathetic because we get to see a positive side to him with how he cares for this other person.

I really hope they put some focus on Loona again because I kinda care for her and I think dealing with what she has going on could be nice and cute. And for Stolas idk. It might already be too late to make me not dislike him. He is just way too far into being victimized already for me to assume that i will sympathize with him anytime soon.

[comfortless]

a while back you posted some uncommon headcanons about König, I hope you don't mind me dumping my own uncommon headcanons into your blog ^^"

I headcanon that he has a pretty tight knit but small group of friends, not exactly the friendless total loner he seems to be in most peoples stories (nothing wrong with that interpretation of course!) some of his voice lines make him seem like a pretty chill dude to hang out with who values good comradery.

I don't think he's that pale either, I think he tans pretty decently and gets lots of freckles in the sun.

he has a receding hairline and a bald spot in the back of his head that he doesn't really care about cuz whose gonna be able to see it haha

he is reaaaaaallllyyyyy argumentative im my mind, would raise his voice if he gets heated.

mansplains but then says he's not mansplaining because in his words: "it is only mansplaining if I know less than you, which I don't"

i love these so much… oh my god. i have committed every one to memory, anon.

the idea of König actually having some sort of social circle apart from his team is endearing. what would these people be like? outcasts turned middle age? none of them probably fall into a specific category of people — all looking like a mismatched puzzle when they’re grouped up together. ^^ god please let them play dnd on scheduled nights or listen to the strangest music on aimless road-trips…

i always call him pale but… tan with sun-wrought freckles?! they probably pop out on his hikes through the forest, layer over his shoulders, neck and nose…

i wonder if he started losing hair when he was relatively young (possibly attributed to the bullying he received)… it’s a sore spot for him and for his confidence. but, as you said, it’s not like anyone will see (now)!

most of his voice lines are so loud, i can definitely see him raising his voice and causing a ruckus if he simply can’t see someone else’s side of things. likely shrinks back like a defensive kitten when he realizes oh… you’re mad or upset with him for getting that angry over such a little thing. he’ll make it up to you and try to keep his cool next time, but if steam could rise from his head during some of these arguments it certainly would…

and the last one???! yes yes yes. even telling him a simple joke can turn into a lecture. when you tell him you already know these things, he just says he needs to make sure you’re not actually that uninformed. /: annoying…

[yanderes-galore]

Fandom: rottmnt

Character: Yan!Romantic!Donnie vs Yan!Romantic!April

Pairing: Romantic Rivalry thing

Type of fic: HCs

Sure! I just found out while doing my research that Donnie is born in the same year as me 🤭 It was cool to know! Anyways, just warning that it's been awhile since I've seen ROTTMNT so things may be off :(

Yandere! Donnie vs Yandere! April

(Rise of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

Pairing: Romantic - Rivalry

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Jealousy, Implied clingy behavior, Manipulation, Stalking, Trackers, Invasion of privacy, Kidnapping mention, Implied protective behavior, Forced relationship implied.

These two are such a duo.

They both share similarities to each other yet are also different.

For example, April is more mature and responsible than Donnie.

Both of them are rather persistent when it comes to pursuing a darling although I feel April is the one that cares for your well-being the most.

As much as I enjoy Donnie I feel he's probably more selfish and less empathetic to your complaints about his behavior.

Meanwhile April actually listens to your fears and opinions and tries to better herself for her darling.

Now it's time to talk about how you meet.

You could meet either of them first but you'd meet the other shortly after.

If you met April first, which is the more likely option since you're both humans, then you'd meet Donnie when she feels you're ready to meet the turtles.

If you met Donnie first then he most likely drags you along to hang out with him and April at some point.

The two can be very similar to each other at times, like the fact they're both adrenaline junkies and often want to help each other.

The two are fantastic friends yet there may be some strain the moment they realize they both love you.

Donnie tries to hide the fact he has a crush on you, pulling the whole "emotionless" card.

Although it's difficult to hide the fact he gets so excited around you, often stalking your socials and gushing about you to himself.

April disguises her crush on you as just being a caring friend.

She listens to your problems and offers help.

She sticks by you, texts your often, and is very considerate of your emotions.

They most likely find out they like the same person by accident.

Donnie finds out about it by using his machines to stalk you... immoral, sure, but he now knows you and April are a bit too close.

April finds out soon after when she realizes Donnie now acts suspicious and accusatory towards her.

The two have had their arguments in the past, although this rivalry they have sparks more.

Donnie can't believe it, how could April do this to him!?

You and him are meant to be together!

He had it planned! He literally made so much tech to track you and watch your every move... he knows so much about you!

How could April compete with him?

April knows her fair share about you, not really needing to go to cyberstalking territory.

She does have an advantage to Donnie.

She's around you during the day.

She takes pride in the fact she's able to be around you more often.

She is more attuned to your feelings than Donnie.

Donnie struggles with personal connections at times, as a yandere he may neglect your emotions at times.

April dedicates herself to making her darling happy and loved.

She prefers to avoid kidnapping and saves violence for when she really needs to use it.

While Donnie is actually a bit sadistic at times and would definitely kidnap you.

The two care for each other but anger tends to bubble up when they bring you up in conversation.

You don't quite understand their rivalry.

Perhaps it's just a friendly competition they're upset over?

If only you knew.

I have a feeling these two would somehow accidentally confess at the same time.

Like Donnie has it all planned but April has too/wants to sabotage him.

Donnie is certainly the more clingy yandere who always wants to be involved and acknowledged by you.

Meanwhile April is more lucid and is willing to back off just enough to make you comfortable, but won't leave you alone fully.

If Donnie jumps the gun and tries to kidnap you to win you over, April will just use it against him since you'd be more willing to think of her as normal.

Although Donnie could always make up some rumors about April and get you to believe them....

There's lots of sabotage, lots of tensions, lots of manipulation, yet hopefully minimal violence.

I can't really see them getting into a brutal altercation with each other.

They still care for each other.

In fact, they respect the fact they have similar tastes...

However, one of them has to drop you.

They know only one of them can have you, yet they both want you.

The competition between them drones on and on... growing more tense as the days pass.

Donnie feels like he's about to lose it.

April is nervous about even bringing you to see the turtles anymore.

The others (Leo, Raph, Mikey) actually wonder why you and April don't come over as often now.

They're also concerned about the fact Donnie hasn't been feeling too well lately.

He'd been moody and upset ever since you and April stopped coming over.

It's even weirder that he blames April for it all.

No one but Donnie, April, and maybe you know exactly what's happening.

April preventing the turtles from seeing you isn't going to stop Donnie.

April may get rid of your phone and anything she thinks is a tracker.

She may even hide you from his drones...

She acts so protective as if she's not just like him.

Donnie will find you, most likely through a tracker on your body.

Sooner or later their little competition has to end.

You began to grasp how serious the situation is when April hides you.

Your partner will be chosen the moment one of them, most likely Donnie, snaps.

You can only hide for so long, with April or not...

Either way... only April and Donnie can choose your fate at the end of the day.

They aren't leaving you be anytime soon.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Im 7 minutes into Volpina but Ive alredy watched the first three seasons so I know about Lila and I know about all the bullshit drama theyre gonna use her for so I just need to get this off my chest as quickly as possible:

The Writers Of Miraculous Ladybug Have No Idea How To Write The Social Dynamics Of Young Teen Girls

Let me tell you a little story of my time in elementary school as a preteen girl. There was this girl, Im calling her C, who was a lot like Lila in the sense that she lied a lot but people still hung out with her and seemed to really like her despite that. Now, unlike how it is with Lila, literally everyone immediately saw through her lies because children arent as stupid as some might believe. Me and my other friends would regularly get together, without C ofc, to shit-talk about her, specifically for being a liar and make fun of her and just generally hate on her behind her back. And yet, whenever she was around they were always going up to her willingly because despite that, they genuinely liked hanging out with her. Why is that? Honestly, I couldnt tell you since I didnt like her that much and had a hard time pretending I liked people when I didnt, so unless my friends or classmates inadvertantly pressured me into being around her, I just kinda avoided her, so I never got to see what she was like under four eyes or even in groups consisting of less than 5 people either.

So yeah, young girls tend to see through another young girls' outrageous lies but are unlikely to call them out as such for a variety of complex reasons, Im sure its different for every girl. Marinette's conflict with Lila shouldnt have been "she has the ability to magically drastically decease everyones intelligence so they believe her obvious lies and Im the only one immune to it but now everyone thinks Im just a jealous bitch even though Im the only one in the right T-T", it shouldve been more like, everyone knew that she was a liar and didnt care too much because shes charismatic and fun to be around and her lies are pretty inconsequential anyway, even by middleschool standards, but Marinette (as Ladybug) starts to figure out how genuinely awful and potentially dangerous she is and is struggling to get her friends away from her because Marinette (as Marinette) cant present them with any reason to stop hanging out with her beyond "she lies a lot", which her classmates dont care enough about to do anything more than just like, avoid her

[juliettedunn]

Gus Porter: An Appreciation and Analysis

I loved Gus when he seemed to be a fairly simple comic relief character, but very quickly he shows himself to be more than that. He may not get as much screen time as the main characters, but he does have two episodes where he is a main focus, and he reveals a lot of depth.

Gus has the common trope of a nonhuman obsessed with human culture and thinking of humans as interesting animals to study.

His obsession with humans is very intense: he founded a human appreciation society, he collects human artifacts, dreams of traveling to the human realm, and memorizes as much information about humans as possible (even though most of it is incorrect). If it wasn’t obvious, humans are clearly his special interest.

Gus is very poor at picking up on other people’s manipulations. In Through the Looking Glass Ruins, he is instantly trusting of Bria and fails to notice several warning signs that she has less than pure intentions.

He is also incredibly eager to be accepted into the group. The whole time, he is basically completely blinded by excitement at getting to hang out with “cool” kids. We learn more about where this stems from in the second Gus-centric episode (and one of my personal favorites), Labyrinth Runners.

In a flashback, Gus doesn’t notice a kid is exploiting him until he happens to overhear the kid admit it. He fully believes the kid genuinely wants to be his friend, just like he does later in his life with Bria.

Both times, he takes what people say at face value, the thought not crossing his mind that they could have ulterior motives.

One of his lines in Labyrinth Runners really struck me. “Everyone thinks I’m the smart one. So why do I act so dumb?”

Gus is what is considered a gifted kid; he’s two years younger than the rest of the Hexsquad because he skipped grades.

And the way he is portrayed in the show is very true to the typical gifted kid experience.

Gus is praised for being smart. He’s been bumped up grade levels, he’s considered a prodigy, he very clearly does amazing on tests. So like all gifted kids, he takes that on as part of his identity.

But someone can’t be smart at all things. And Gus is poor at reading other people. So despite being academically adept, he misses social cues, cues which are very obvious to everyone else.

He doesn’t notice when other kids are pretending to be his friend only to exploit him. That’s something that a lot of autistic people have a problem with.

And in Labyrinth Runners, he fails to recognize Willow, his best friend of many years, as an illusion, whereas Hunter does, despite only having met her once. She was definitely acting out of character, but in a way that would require an understanding of her mannerisms, something Gus doesn’t have a good instinctual grasp on.

His attempts at cheering people up aren’t always the best either. Though Luz did end up getting admitted to Hexside, he prepared for her to fail, and got consulting messages ready. This took the form of giant blue letters saying “Better luck next time.” Obviously, these words are very blunt and come across as quite cold. It is not something that would have made her feel better, but Gus clearly thought that it would, further showing that he doesn’t quite understand how best to comfort someone.

Same with Willow, where he sends her a bunch of illusions to console her and just ends up making the situation worse, unable to figure out the right ways to comfort someone in need, even though he has a huge heart and really wants to be there for his friends.

He’s the best at being there for Hunter. He teaches him the breathing technique, and gets him involved in the Cosmic Frontier fandom. Hunter is also bad at reading social cues and also is autistic I believe, though that’s a whole other discussion. But I don’t think it’s a coincidence that that’s who Gus is best at comforting, someone who is also rather unconventional with emotional issues.

Gus’s failure to see through people trying to manipulate him, and his failure at knowing how to comfort his friends, leads him to believe he is “dumb,” which greatly hurts his self esteem.

Notice, also, that Gus is always trying to entertain his friends. He’s funny, and he knows this and is actively trying to be. Why? Because if he isn’t smart, at least he is funny. He wants to be liked, wants to be seen as cool. And he’s just starting to enter the age where most gifted kids start to falter, where the lack of studying abilities really starts to catch up.

When I hit that stage, I definitely also tried to be “the funny one.” Autistic people are almost inherently funny to neurotypicals, and if people aren’t praising you and admiring you for being smart, at least they’ll like you if you’re funny.

If he’s not fulfilling his “value” as either the child prodigy or the comic relief, then what is his purpose? Such is the crisis many gifted kids go through when they go from being far ahead of their peers, praised as geniuses, to still being above average but certainly not the absolute one in a million wonder that many people told them they were.

Now for another amazing part of Gus - he has shut downs. When he gets overwhelmed, he hits a breaking point and curls up, completely unable to function any longer. Because his magic is so powerful, it impacts his surroundings too. In Labyrinth Runners, he is so overwhelmed he casts a spell over the entire school.

Shut downs and panic attacks feel like this. Of course, they don’t involve real magic like in the show, but the way the school appears as a trippy, foreign landscape they have to navigate is true to how it feels to be overwhelmed as an autistic person. Even though there is no illusion magic, the familiar quickly becomes foreign, and places I’ve been a hundred times before feel wrong.

Willow teaches him a breathing method, and I actually use that breathing method too. I don’t know if it inherently works or if it’s because it’s connected to The Owl House, which is my comfort show, but I actually move through panic attacks and disassociation episodes much faster ever since I started using that technique.

Finally, Gus stims! You can’t tell me that him grabbing the bubble wrap, knocking over items due to lack of spatial awareness, happily shouting “Look at all this human stuff!” and then intently focusing on popping all the bubbles until it was over was not the most autistic thing you’ve ever seen.

Gus is a great portrayal of an autistic gifted kid heading into burn out, academically intelligent but far too trusting, believing everyone acts at face value, and falling very easily into exploitation because of it. Adopting the identity of child prodigy and witty entertainer, and taking a serious blow to his self esteem when he can’t live up to those ideals.

Happily, he now he has real friends, most of whom are neurodivergent like him! As I said before, the almost instant understanding and bond he and Hunter have is largely a result of them both being autistic; they read each other very well and instinctually know how to help each other. I love their relationship so much.

This was a lot longer than I anticipated, but I just had a lot to say about him. He’s getting a lot more appreciation form the fandom recently, but he still is fairly underrated as a character. I love him so much even though I don’t talk about him as much as I talk about other characters, and I do wish he would get confirmed as autistic on screen (though the most I can ever hope for is Luz getting confined to have ADHD, and even that I really doubt). Still, I know he is autistic, and he is amazing.

[bugflies00]

au crimeboys make me so so insane

it's not dadbur per say, even though wilbur does get custody of tommy and raise him, but tommy doesn't see him as his dad.

if anything, for a long time tommy didn't understand what a dad (or any parent) was supposed to do, because for him that was what wilbur did. so people would be like "dont you have a mum and dad?" he'd be like "no i have a wilbur" not because he sees wilbur as a dad but because wilbur is . wilbur. yknow? like his own category that's impossible to define by """normal""" family standards. wilbur is all of tommy's family at once, because he's all he's got, and he's his brother and his dad and his best friend.

because wilbur raised him, put him to sleep, put bandaids on his knees when he fell, taught him how to read and write and tie his shoelaces and not to chew with his mouth open and how to ride a bike and picked him up from school and went to parent teacher meetings.

but wilbur's also his brother, they're constantly roughhousing and punching each other and tommy's always trying to steal his stuff and get on his nerves and wilbur's always trying to get tommy a babysitter so he can go party and get drunk without his lame little brother.

but also wilbur is like. the most certain constant of tommy's life. i mean he was just two when they were put into foster care, he doesn't remember his parents, definitely not the social workers or foster parents who cycled every couple months, and he didn't make any true long-term friends until tubbo when he was about 9 or 10. so wilbur is like. the only person he's always known and will always know and that he's never doubted will be here forever. he's the first person he remembers!!!!

and so obviously tommy is absolutely ride or die for wilbur, even though he'd never admit it because he remains tommyinnit. they're also very codependent as you can guess.

tommy's really clingy but so is wilbur, and they kinda have a shift in their dynamic where like. when wilbur was a teen and tommy was 10-11, wilbur was trying to push him away for a while because yknow he was going through it (it being depression addiction the whole deal) and lashing out while tommy was trying to cling on. but then when they're a bit older, wilbur is the one who clings onto tommy because he's terrified he'll leave him too, especially when the prospect of tommy going away to college starts profiling itself.

that's something that wilbur takes a loooooong time to accept, because for a while he was flat out forbidding tommy from going off to college anyway further than a half hour ride. which is obviously. not very healthy. eventually he accepts but he completely motherhens the whole time to the point where tommy has to be like "im literally 18 ill be fine im not leaving forever" but wilbur still has a hard time the whole period tommy's away.

and anyway tommy doesn't cope well with it either, he had this whole idea of going off to college to try something new and make new friends, but once he's there he hates it. he realises it that he hasn't actually made friends since tubbo when he was 9 (he met ranboo through tubbo), because having his two best friends and his brother was always enough for him. and so he's completely alone with all these people he doesn't know how to talk to, and he starts spiralling and his grades start dropping, and he has the whole thing with dream. so eventually tommy does come back home because really he's just as clingy and he couldn't stand being away like that.

eventually when they're older they grow into something that's less... desperate i want to say? obviously they still love each other so much but they're able to hang out and spend time together in a way that doesn't feel like. "if im separated from you for more than two days i will literally die because i've been relying on you and defining myself around you my entire life" yknow?

it's a very complicated situation because they care so so so much about each other and would both kill and die for the other, but they've also hurt each other a lot. wilbur especially lashed out a lot when he was a teenager, and tommy often felt like it was his fault they couldn't stay in a good house for long, because he was too loud and rambuctious etc. there's also a whole bit with their last foster home that i want to explore but that is its own post

there's also an element of like. tommy feels guilty that wilbur had to put his whole life on pause to take care of him but wilbur doesn't see it that way. one day when they're having a really messy and bad argument he shouts something along the lines of not wanting the responsibility of tommy in the first place, which is something tommy takes a looooooooong time to heal from, and it's not even true. not just because he loves tommy, but because if it wasn't for that responsibility he doesn't think he would be alive. not in a metaphorical sense, as in very concretely, 12 to 20 yr old wilbur was in a daily mantra of "you can't kill yourself tommy is relying on you." and then it became "you can't kill yourself tommy and fundy are relying on you." and wilbur doesn't want to share that with tommy because in general he tries his best to never tell him anything dark like that (which on one hand yeah your 15 yr old brother isn't your therapist but on the other hand Do You Understand How Emotional Communication Works no he doesn't lmao) . but in the end he does end up telling him when he understands that tommy feels so guilty about him taking care of him and it's a very . important conversation in their lives . They cry a lot 👍

[plasmasimagination]

Oh, fear panic terror, communicate ideas

Hello, I saw all the people giving comments and requests about them. I would like to request the pairing of HSR with the men in the game, the women are cute but I see them all in a platonic way here

I went off the rails... Your opinion about my relationship with any of the HSR men, please do not feel pressured by the request

I'm a human, the term gender is too confusing and ambiguous for me, so I just got used to calling myself a woman because that's how I was born. My MBTI is INTJ, I tried to get my enneagram but I got bored and never tried again to tell you the truth.

My height is quite short for my age, usually people have taken up to 4 years off me, approximately 1.56 meters (I have no idea how much that is in feet) and something similar really happens with my voice and general appearance, I usually wear a lot of pink and pastel colors. My favorite color it's pink, red, purple and white

My personality is usually quite calm, I like to listen to others and sometimes say a controversial comment for the mere pleasure of listening to others debate with fervor. Listening to their reasoning usually says a lot about them, more than any presentation would. For the same reason, I tend to be quite assertive, if someone feels slightly different than usual, I have probably already noticed and tell that person's friends so that they can take care of it, I don't like to be very nosy with the rest, the vast majority don't talk to me and starting to talk to them because of their change in behavior can scare them and leave them on the defensive.

I tend to understand people quite quickly on that side, their emotions are easy to see even with less wrinkled skin, their tone of voice and words give it away instantly.

Outside of my problem of analyzing the social behavior around me... I usually stay in my storybook or my phone all day with headphones on, if my friends don't talk to me I can spend hours reading Andersen stories (Hans Christian Andersen, his stories are my entire existence💕), I usually listen to my friends calmly talk about their hobbies or problems, they usually tell me that I look like a loving mother

When I'm at home I like to cook, clean, organize purchases and play video games on my PC... A housewife practically, When I grow up I would like to take full charge of my home, even without a partner, filling my home with my emotions and experiences seems beautiful to me (I once said that to my best friend, and he said "Like my grandma" in the most neutral voice possible, sigh sigh)

I like to read, write short stories or the beginnings of novels, play with my cats and place a cardboard box inside my head to relieve the sensory load of the day.

Hyperfixation? Cardboard boxes, cats, cannibalism, criminal cases and metaphors

I just wrote a lot, sorry for some misused words or strange phrases, I have a hard time with English and Spanish is actually my first language

(I JUST SEE EVERYTHING I WROTE, I'M SO SORRY)

SWEEETIEEE HAYY ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ • *✰

A/n- I don't know how concerned I should be on a scale of one to ten about the hyperfixtion on cannibalism /j

Also please don't worry about the length, it provides me a better insight and it's a lot easier to write that way ( ๑ ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و ♡

Anyway your matchup iss...

.

.

.

DAN HENG

Calm x calm

Two rational cutiepies

The fact that you can analyse humans so well will be very useful to decide what Dan Heng actually feels, since he's quite reserved and doesn't like sharing his feelings

He appreciates your calm nature, it's refreshing after hanging out with march all of the time-

No but really, he does like the fact that he can chat with you about things, he appreciated being listened to, and he is also a good listener

He's usually spending time in his room, either reading or simply doing other things, except socializing

But the only person he lets be in the room, is you

Cuz you guys have this thing, where you can just simply sit in the same room in silence, without that awkwardness, its a comfortable silence

He also likes cats, though it may take a bit convincing, he'll give in eventually and you can get a cat, after all how could he deny his darling

Generally I think you guys would love a calm and comfortable life, not much changes in your routines and just generally two people living a normal life together loving each other.

[everythingwasnormalhere]

Stan Marsh headcanons?

first i love my main au stan because he's so !! and because he goes thru lots of changes as he grows up,,

Tw for alcoholism, depression, s/h, attempted sewerslide, hospitalization...its stan what did you expect

Most popular stan hc ever: he's an alcoholic. But like,,, till he's like, 12-13, he only drinks in the mornings so it helps him get through the day, like antidepressants but bad 💀

When he's 12-13 some people his age start drinking for fun, and so he sees it's socially ok so he starts doing it too

Yeah everything is way less shitty in the moment, but when he's sober it's even worse than before. Oops

Well anyway his friends don't really notice he's doing this, sure they're kinda concerned when they hang out and he's getting drunk, but yk,, typical Stan it's not that bad

This is an obvious one but he's depressed asf

And btw. All sp kids have gotten something misdiagnosed in their lives, like this is canon the medical system in that town sucks

So Stan has anxiety, but it was misdiagnosed as asthma (haha not me projecting)

He didn't get it diagnosed right until he was in his teens

But he doesn't have it anymore

He also has insomnia and BPD

The amount of times he's split on Kyle is insane

Anyway about his depression !!

It remained undiagnosed for a Long while

It got better and worse and better and worse and yeah you get it

On the worst episodes he would spend weeks not getting out of bed

At the beginning he'd say he's sick but at some point he gave up and stopped with excuses

His friends (Kyle mostly) would check on him but he wouldn't really talk to them much (on another episode of: stan giving up on life!)

Also he would spend time with the goth kids sometimes, mainly when he was at the worst points

The goths were kinda pissed he would leave them every time he felt better, but Stan's kinda their adopted kid lmao they have a soft spot for him<3

Welp anyway he starts s/h-ing at 11-12

At first it's not really noticeable but soon it gets worse

He covers it with wristbands but eventually the wristbands don't cover it all

And so, after his parents find out, at 13 he goes to the psych ward for the 1st time

It's only for a couple weeks, but it gets him to get so much worse

Nobody at school knows what he was doing for those weeks, besides Kyle because Stan went to him first thing after he got let out

Kyle is Worried. btw.

He gets hospitalized 2 more times after that

Once at 15 after he attempts

And another at 16, after a huge ass breakdown in which he asked his parents to take him there because he was scared of what he'd do otherwise

People in town only know about the one of when he was 15 (it was big news)

Besides Kyle and Kenny, Kyle because Stan tells him every time and Kenny because,,,he's Kenny he just Knows

After the 2nd hospitalization, he starts taking actual antidepressants

They don't do That Much but they still work better than nothing

Short after the 3rd time he goes to the psych ward, he finally manages to stop s/h

And slowly he stops covering his scars, as they're a reminder of how he's healing :)

Since he's 14, he starts bleaching his hair every few months

Now it's closer to straw than to hair but whatever issok

It's also incredibly greasy, so much it's insane

When it's really really bad he wears a dark blue beanie with some pins of obscure bands and some his friends gave him

His clothes are mostly black, and the ones that aren't are still alt

He wears eyeshadow all the time

And his parents don't allow him to get tattoos so he and his friends draw on himself instead

He's still in Crimson Dawn, he's the main singer and guitarist :)

His guitar is red and he takes so much care of it

The same can't be said about its case, that thing's fucked up

He's also the one who writes most songs, it's become kind of a coping mechanism for him<3

They're not famous, but they're not completely unknown either - they've played in some cities besides South Park, and they have a bunch of listeners on Spotify

They're the kind of band that almost nobody knows but the ones who do are the most loyal fans ever

"wHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW CD??? You gotta listen to them Right Now"

By the way Stan is late to every practice

The days when he's not arrived at least 10 minutes late are almost non-existent

Same for school

At school his worst subject is definitely math

(He probably has dyscalculia but he doesn't have it diagnosed)

He likes music best obviously

He's also pretty good at history and English

Btw he has a musicals phase for a year or two

His favorites are the historical ones, like Hamilton and Les Miserables

His family life isn't the best

He stays at Tedrigri farms on weekends, the rest of the time he spends it at his mother's

Shelly's kinda physically abusive still, but not as much as when they were kids

Btw he fucking hates staying at Tedigri so most nights he cycles to Kyle's or Kenny's instead

Fun fact he has a scar on his side from when he was 13

The m4 were jumping a fence to get to this one abandoned house (Butters was grounded)

And when it was Stan's turn he got cut with the fence and fell

That scar is huge and he's super insecure about it

Another fun fact he plays Brawl Stars

His favorite brawlers are Brock and Kit

And in general also the ones with attacks like Shelly's and Bull's

He's bisexual :) and ultimately broke up with Wendy when he was 16

(one of the things that triggered that huge breakdown btw)

He also had so many gender crisis, finally he decided he's just non-binary (he/him) because everything else was way too confusing

Aaaand i think that's it? Tell me what you think :D

[pancake-breakfast]

I always forget to do stuff for ace awareness days, but I've remembered today, so I'm gonna take a second to talk about some of the struggles I've had being ace, and heteromantic grey-ace in particular.

Erasure: Oh, you want to be in a relationship? Surely you're not really ace, then. You're grey-ace? Sounds like you're just picky. You go for people of the opposite gender from the one you were assigned at birth? Not queer enough. I don't mean to say someone like myself doesn't face fewer problems with their queerness than others; there's no way in hell I deal with the level of shit some of y'all put up with. I "pass," especially when set in US purity culture. But this does not mean I experience sexuality the way most people do, and pretending I do causes all sorts of issues for both me and any partners I might pursue.

Realizing One's Ace-ness to Begin With: To the best of my understanding, this is incredibly common in the ace community. We're told we'll grow into it, that we're just late bloomers, that we haven't found the right person, and for AFAB people, that "women are just less into sex than men." All of this means it's not exactly uncommon for people not to realize they're ace until their mid-20's or later, often after they've been through a few relationships where they allowed things to go past their comfort levels because that's what's expected of someone in a relationship.

Loss of Meaningful "Friendships": I'm sure this happens to everyone to some degree, but it seems particularly cruel that a number of close friendships I've had pretty much evaporate overnight when it finally sinks in to the other person that I will not have sex with them. Usually, I'm completely unaware that all the time we've spent hanging out and chatting and bonding was them trying to build to a sexual relationship in the first place. I thought we were just really good friends and deeply valued what I thought was a platonic relationship only to have a rude awakening when all the times I said, "I'm ace," finally sink in. This is why I usually leave of the "grey" part when describing my asexuality. Anything else usually implies there's more hope to people than there generally is. Of all the "friendships" I've lost this way, the number that have gone on to become something healthy and platonic is... one.

Society isn't Built for Ace Folk: I'm a pretty strong introvert. I like my alone time. I like my space. But it's INCREDIBLY difficult to live on one's own, especially these days. It's not just the expectation that any household needs to pull two full-time incomes to stay afloat. It's the little things. If I'm sick, no one else is around to help keep the place clean or do the groceries or pick up medicine or drive me to the doctor's. A lack of platonic social spaces mean there's no one I can rant to in person about my patio birds or this Cool Thing I found while out and about. Who do I go to when I need a shoulder to cry on or a hug or just not to be alone with my anxiety for a bit? This is not to diminish my in-person friends, but they have their own lives and few of them live close by, so sometimes even when they want to be there, they can't. And if I do reach out to them too much, people are quick to question our relationship. That can interfere with any romantic relationships the friend has, or put either or both of us in an awkward situation. Sometimes, it leads to a closeness that the other person feels, but I don't reciprocate. It is hard to know that your life will always be more difficult because you refuse to take a sexual partner.

One of these days, perhaps I'll write something up about some of the nicer things about being ace, but today, this is what I want to share. May it help those of you who are on the ace spectrum feel a bit more seen and a bit less alone, and may it help those of you who have ace people you care for in your lives understand things a bit better.

[arofulboyfriend]

on the future

When I was in my last semester of my associates, one of the classes I had to take was either public speaking or communications. I chose communications because fuck talking to the public.

It was a fun class, and my professor is great, and we still hang out and get lunch together a lot, even though I graduated in 2022 and will be going back to a different college soon.

But something in our textbook has, as dramatic as it may seem, almost haunted me ever since I read it.

It said that once a couple gets married and decides to have children or otherwise fully integrate their lives together, that they are statistically nearly guaranteed to steadily drop their single, non-partnered, not child-rearing friends, and only make friends with other married parents.

And... reading that made me sad. I have no desire to get married even if it's a platonic marriage of convenience, and I will never, ever, have children. But I don't want to live alone, even if one day I do finish my doctorates and get a job that pays me more than enough to do so, because I'm a social, cuddly person. And it didn't make me just sad, it basically confirmed in confident, scientific terms that my worst fear of ending up sad and alone and unsupported were going to come true.

You see, my aroace journey has not been a fun one. I've rushed into relationships romantic and sexual, had sex I hated, dated people I didn't like, and even now am in a relationship I'm not truly ecstatic about, just agreed cause she wanted to label me her boyfriend to feel comfortable things I'd 100% do platonically given half a chance. (She's a great friend and I adore her and she's aware I don't feel romantic feelings towards her, our relationship is fine, it's just not a thing I went into with that goal in mind, if that makes sense.)

All because I have a really deep seated and hard to shake fear of abandonment.

There are many reasons for it, but nearly all my friends from childhood and primary school, of which there weren't a lot to begin with, haven't just faded away or grown apart, they've, from my perspective, deserted me, usually to fulfill and commit solely to a romantic relationship. My best friend when I was 14 ran off one day, saddling me with her roleplay forum, so that she could get married, all because her then-fiance said he didn't want me rping with her, because he said it made him jealous. (Nevermind that she was 26, straight, christian, and I was a girl at the time, and also 14, especially 14.)

Ever since then, and especially when compounded with other abandonment even by less close friends, I've been terrified of being replaced, forgotten, cast aside in favor of someone who will kiss them. Logically, I know the experience I detailed above was far from the norm, I shouldn't have been the best friend of an adult woman over 10 years my senior at all, there's no reason her fiance should have seen a kid as a threat especially over SFW wolf roleplay. But it happened regardless, and I started to notice that it was becoming a pattern.

So, I panicked, relentlessly pursued a boy who ended up abusing me, pursued a girl who assaulted me, forced myself to be sexually available to my partner, all for the security I was told a romantic sexual relationship was supposed to have that they wouldn't leave me if I was just good enough. For already obvious reasons, it didn't work, and I lost friends, and then I graduated high school and didn't speak to anyone except 2 people, who ARE still my friends, ever again.

So ever since then I've been wary. A bit more cagey with my trust. My current roommate flirted with me a week after we'd met and had spent that week texting for hours a day, and I snapped at him in a blind panic that I had done something to lead him on, and oh god, this nice boy I want to be friends with is going to leave me.

And he didn't? And now I live with him? And we're still friends, even as the nature of our relationship has changed?

And he introduced me to his other friends! And I'm dating one! And another got me into cosplay! And they accepted my best friend without batting an eye! And we've all been together since just before the pandemic hit, and we're each others confidants and homies hand in beautiful hand together.

But... while I had been able to safely ignore it for nearly 4 years, since the breakup with my ex boyfriend and only sexual/romantic partner since, the fear came back, and stronger, despite all the therapy and self help and building of my self confidence, and then I read that paragraph and panicked.

Because my friends and I are in our mid 20s, and while three of us are aroace, the other five aren't, and they want to form relationships and build families - my roommate wants to do so as fast as possible so he can get citizenship and stop worrying about the status of daca.

And I don't know what I'll do if I lose this group. I remember that stupid fucking paragraph on a single page on a textbook written for and by a small public college in the midwest, and I panic. What if they all get married, move out, have kids, and decide the rest of us aren't worth the effort to stay in touch? What if my roommate kicks me out before I'm ready, to go settle with a fiance? What if, and how will I survive it? The first experience already nearly killed me.

But I was relaying these fears to my grandma last night when she stopped me and asked me how many people in my family have gotten married.

Well... you and grandpa, nano and pops, nano and uncle frank, pops and eleanor, mom and dad, mom and ex step dad, mom and step dad...

I have a much bigger family than that.

My paternal aunt is partnered for 30 years and never intends to marry him. They live separately.

My dad has never remarried and has had unrelated, unromantic, unsexual roommates.

My two maternal great aunts have never been married and never dated and live together.

My half brother is still single with no plans to marry.

My unrelated uncle never married or partnered.

My unrelated aunt never remarried after getting divorced.

If wikipedia is accurate, my cousin hasn't remarried since 1997, and was only married for 7 years.

All my life, I've been fed the idea that damn near everyone settles down, marries, has kids, and this is the natural order of things, and what I must do too. I didn't realize until I laid it out that more of my family have been happily single and/or unmarried for most if not all of their lives than have been the opposite.

What the paragraph failed to mention, and what I failed to realize until last night, was that that statistic can only be even mostly accurate to a time that has already come and gone. It can only be accurate to the generations that birthed the rest of us, and even then, still has another few decades to go before anything will be confirmed.

The rest of us? The rest of us that put the internet's global spotlight on the next generation of the queer community? We're already breaking that trend wide open and proving the statistic wrong and outdated. We're actively choosing to reject the institutions of marriage and of home ownership among a world that ruined both for us. We're prioritizing friendship and shared love over exclusive romances, we're building and supporting communities and challenging the biases of white colonial rule and the relationship to marriage to 2.5 kids and a dog is little more than a soundbite of scorn and mockery.

So... maybe it won't happen, that thing I fear the most. Maybe I can continue to live with my friends, and come home to a lively house or set of apartments each day. Maybe, even if they marry and have 2.5 kids, it'll be a set of goblins we share. Maybe I've found my personal fulfillment, I just have to wait and find out.

I hope I have.

I'll try and hold onto that.

[foster-the-moths]

fuck it tmc headcannons (aka me projecting SO HARD). only cesar and jonah (and a bit of adam) for rn i have more for the others but ive been thinking abt these guys recently.

cesar (&mark):

-i see a lot of headcannons like 'mark is introverted and cesar is extroverted' and i raise to you: cesar is very charismatic and everyone wants to talk to him but he does NOT like social situations At All. everyone just decided he was cool and interesting and they wanted to hang out with him and he has no clue whats going on.

-usually his voice is very flat and monotone. if mark didn't question the vol 1 call then i think thats just how cesar talks most of the time.

-mark and cesar were the most dumbass friends in existence the minute they make eye contact all common sense is Gone. they would go to the gas station, chug a bunch of sodas and throw rocks at the cans. one time mark decided it would be a great idea to bring his deagle and they got in SO much trouble. the cops were called mark legitimately thought his life was over it was not good night for either of them.

-cesar would like reptiles he would catch a snake in a field and try to show mark and mark would scream at him. one time he picks up a rattlesnake bc he thought it was a regular snake and long story short mark has to drive him to the er

-i think he also knows how to cook, but hes REALLY good at baking its one of his hobbies :]

jonah:

-burnt out gifted kid that got really hyped up as being a genius when he was young and got all these expectations put on him (ESPECIALLY since his dad is a lawyer) so when he didnt meet those expectations he crashed and burned

-hes really smart but also very 'slow' at things so he just. embraced the 'dumb' persona bc its less pressure to fail if you're already expected to do so (i am projecting so hard dont look at me okay)

-he also started to do really badly in school around highschool and once his peers noticed he basically became an outcast. adam is like. his one real friend. (which just makes vol 2/4 even more fucked up)

-i think he likes rap but also the most ridiculous pop songs. he will NOT play anything other than lady gaga or songs abt drugs and murder theres no inbetween.

-never learned how to cook never intends to he eats the most atrocious 'meals' he can conjure. i am talking instant ramen with crushed up flaming hot cheetos and melted string cheese like ACTUALLY revolting. adam is even worse he puts an unpeeled banana between two slices of bread and chows down.

adam:

-very volatile emotions. if something sets him off he does not know how to regulate his emotions and gets a bit wacky, silly if you will (he's gotten multiple detentions for getting into fights)

-other than that the only time he feels really strong emotions is when he's hunting alternates, its like an adrenaline rush for him.

i'll post more later but this is whats been rattling around in my head for weeks and months.

[mytragedyperson]

General haikyuu headcanons

These aren't about any one haikyuu character. These are just any thoughts I have. Feel free to request headcanons for characters, squads or ships (platonic and romantic) or AUs. Please note I have already made some headcanon posts. While this doesn't mean i'll never write about those things again it Mey mean future headcanon posts about them are repetitive. They can be found on my ao3

- so a recent headcanon I had recently is that Akaashi and Tsukishima are like besties, or maybe not besties but I can see akaashi becoming something of a mentor to him

- Like it starts in tsukishima's first year when kuroo and bokuto drag him into practice with them. Even then we can see him to some extent turn to akaashi about how to approach the two and this situation and I can definitely see, in the future,tsukishima getting kidnapped to hang out with the three during a break from college and most of the time, while kuroo and bokuto are off in their own world, tsukishima and akaashi are just kinda chilling in the back, maybe making fun of them a little.

- also whenever tsukki is stressed by the chaos that is hinata, kageyama, and sometimes yachi and kageyama (he loves them but they can be a handful and it only gets worse when yamaguchi starts hanging out with them more and starts to adopt some of their mannerisms) he'll message akaashi as like a calming voice amidst the chaos

-he also goes to akaashi for advice on any problems he has with his teammates. Like he'll go to him for advice on how to bring up things that are bothering him because, while he can be as, well, tsukishima-like as he wants with his teammates from the previous year and they're used to it, he feels the need to try a different approach with the younger years. Idk why I think this it just came to me but we'll go with it.

- also I love the idea of kageyama, yamaguchi and kenma being some sort of friends and forming a weird mix of a socially awkward squad and emo squad. There are others in both, I haven't fully decided who yet but yachi and asahi are definitely in the socially awkward squad and maybe occasionally tsukishima but that's more because he's bad at feelings than because he cares what other people think. Either way they have a group chat where they can talk about the awkward situations they get into or just talk. It's kinda like a support group but any advice should be taken with a pinch of salt. Maybe later they get some extroverts in to offer advice, idk.

- also tsukishima and kentaro being best friends or cousins or somehow related. I've read some amazing fics with this friendship. I love it.

- anyway when tsukishima and yamaguchi's year graduates, a big reunion is made of basically every team/person one of them has managed to befriend. Even oikawa comes back because, by this point, in my fantasy land, all the people in this year, including kunimi, kindaichi and kageyama, are friends. They've talked out any issues and, while they might not ever be on the same team for "just for fun" volleyball games, they're more than happy to play against each other and go out for meat buns after. Also idc what you say kunimi, kindaichi and kageyama were friends in middle school and that's why kindaichi (and kunimi, but he showed it less) were so hurt when kageyama changed.

- but anyway there's a big reunion, anyone who live abroad comes back for a week to see their kouhais and attend thus reunion. Its a fun night of talking and eating, good food and company, reminiscing on the past and discussing future plans. And maybe the older, already graduated setters decide to put on a little show (yes, this is them performing songs from six like I plan to have happen but haven't yet written in my singing AU. These things aren't usually linked but I've made an exception and, honestly idek if six was out when this year group graduated, but for the purposes of this headcanon,I'll say it was). And after that they go on to play professionally, or move away to practice more, or go to university, or whatever they do, but they stay in touch, and whenever they get the chance they'll meet up.

- sorry I just love the idea of everyone being friends. Km a suckered for fluff what can I say?

-also this isn't so much a headcanon as an appreciation post but I want it on record that I love akaashi. He's so observant and caring of his teammates but at the same time doesn't take any of their shit and will call them out. Also him just not letting bokuto lie or seem cooler than he is while also clearly caring about bokuto. I hear people talk so much about how pretty he is, and don't get me wrong he is very pretty, but he is so much more than a pretty face and he is a damn good setter.

- also when the karasuno first years become second years, they all admire akaashi, OK? Hinata admires anyone who's even remotely good at volleyball or says anything cool about volleyball, kageyama already looks up to him and this only increases when he manages to ask akaashi to teach him to set, or read his teammates better, and akaashi agrees and is kind. Also kageyama admires anyone who's even slightly good at setting. Tsukishima I've already discussed, but his respect for akaashi increases when he watches akaashi deal with the combined chaos that is hinata and kageyama with patience tsukishima knows he'll never have. Yamaguci and yachi admire his intelligence and how he manages to keep his cool. (Also if this admiration also leads to one or all of them developing a small crush, well no one needs to know, and if the others in their school and year know, well, let's just say they understand and there isn't too much teasing, though if kageyama develops a crush he gets teased the most bless him)

- all this to say akaashi harem supremacy

[yearofradicalselfbelief]

Part Four [Progess & Foundation Laying] - 16/12/23

Hello! I actually have a non-depressing update to write today, what a time to be alive. Discussions of 2024 goals, and changes to my writing schedule ahead.

I’ve spent the last week or so basically already making a start on my goals for 2024, so that once January hits, all I need to actually do is maintain the momentum instead of spending the first few weeks undoing whatever bad habits I could let myself slip into just because it’s the holiday season.

My big goals for 2024 are nothing new. I go into every year wanting to read more, write more, and exercise more. The thing is, there was a time when I’d have these goals and each one truly would be starting from scratch. Before I started writing daily as a rule, weeks would go by where I didn’t write a single word, then I’d feel bad about not writing, which would make me want to write even less, and create that great little feedback loop from hell. I also went through a ridiculous reading dry spell during/following my uni years, because nothing makes you want to read less than doing an English Lit degree, and honestly I’d never been big into fitness beyond a few weeks-long health kicks up until I hit my 20s, either.

So when I’d first have these goals, none of the foundation would be there, and I was basically expecting my habits to go from 0 to 100 the second the clock struck midnight for the New Year. Recently, I’ve been doing things smarter.

Starting my daily writing streak on 1st January 2020 was a great starting point, because I haven’t missed a day since, and I’ll be hitting my 1500th consecutive day of writing sometime in the first quarter of next year. The year that followed that, 2021, I started to take my fitness way more seriously. I worked out on and off before that, but 2021 was the year where I did my first ever 75Hard challenge – successfully – in the summer, then another the following autumn, and I’ve done several since.

2022, as I’ve said, was a bit of a write-off because of everything I went through, but 2023 has been the year of upping the reading habit. Last year I read 14 books, this year I read 41 – with ~5 more being in progress, but I probably won’t finish those til New Year. My goal for next year is 50.

The thing is though, juggling these habits means that it’s been pretty common so far for one thing to fall by the wayside while I focus on the other two. When I did flufftober this year, I didn’t have the time to do a single workout the whole month. Or when I do a workout challenge, my writing output halves because it gets to the evening time and it’s just a struggle to stay conscious during the evening hours where I’d ordinarily get my best words in.

So my overarching goal for 2024 is to have a year where I just absolutely ace all three of those habits. I want to read lots, write lots, and get a great level of consistency with my workouts. I do have more minor goals that fall within all of that too, like finding a way of using social media that isn’t all or nothing. This year, my screen time has either been insanely high, or I’ve been on Instagram breaks for months at a time. Then I hang around until I can see it’s wearing on my mentally, and disappear again for a long stretch. I really want to find a middle ground with that – one that doesn’t have me being so terminally online that I feel like shit, but also one that doesn’t have me constantly missing out on cheering on overseas friends, with whom IG is my only source of real communication.

And, as I said on my main blog, another big thing I’m changing is really controlling where my energy goes with my writing, and when. Because I do have a bad habit of focusing on fanfic more than I focus on the novel. There are a few reasons for that, and honestly I don’t even regret it – yet. But if I don’t make any changes, there will be a day on the horizon where I do.

Fanfic has been, and still is, great for me. It gave me a community of amazing, kind, supportive, and generous people when I was in the lowest point of my life (and I cannot overstate how much that made that time bearable for me), and it has improved my writing by miles. I’ve had people in my life who do openly view it as me wasting my time because it hasn’t gotten me further in my writing career when you only look at the basic facts, and there have even been times when I’ve been tempted to give into their way of thinking. However, earlier this year I read some very early drafts of the novel – from way back before I even started Little By Little – and they were just not good at all. Then, I look at the chapters I’m producing now, and seeing how much better they are, and that change is thanks to the sheer amount of fic I’ve produced in the last few years.

In part it’s because of the fact that writing so often is bound to improve said writing, but it’s also because of the feedback I’ve gotten on those fics. Feedback doesn’t always only limit itself to reflecting on the specific story that feedback pertains to. Sure, sometimes it’s a case of “I wasn’t a fan of this plot point” or “I don’t like this character”, but other times it’s “I feel like there has been too much introspection in these last few chapters” (which was a big problem with my writing at the start of this decade, and really showed in early novel drafts), or “I really enjoy the humour you put in your stories” – because allowing myself to have fun and be silly with the narration in Catch the Wind, and seeing not only how much fun I had with that, but how much people liked that, really freed me up to add the same thing into the novel itself.

It all contributes, and while I do have a tendency to get upset at myself for reaching the ripe old age of 27 without having yet even queried a single novel, I look back on the stuff I was writing at the ages when I really wanted it to happen that specific year, and I can see that my writing just wasn’t ready for it. Now, thanks to fic, it is.

But that still leaves me with the fact that I now really do need to start prioritising my time. The discrepancy with fic and original work comes in the form of instant validation. With fic, I can finish a chapter, and if it’s a popular story I might have a comment on it within an hour. And it’s not that I feel like I can’t write without that, but because it’s such a help with my own anxiety when it comes to writing. I have a tendency to finish every chapter thinking it’s shit, and I don’t believe otherwise until I have that first comment telling me someone enjoyed it. With novel work, it doesn’t work that way. And because the novel means so much to me, that adds to the anxiety, until there are times when I’m so anxious about working on it that I can’t even enjoy working on it, because I’m just telling myself “what if this is shit? What if you’ve wasted ten years of your life building this world and creating this thing, and it ends up being for nothing?”

And I mean, it won’t be for nothing. If no agent wants to take it on, I’m not averse to the idea of doing a patreon type thing with it once I’ve exhausted every other avenue, but it is just that initial anxiety. I know it’s irrational, and my beta readers are really enjoying it, but the fact remains that I am a Frightened Bitch. It’s genetic.

But I need to overcome that, and I won’t overcome that if I’m running to the safety blanket and instant validation of fanfic whenever my anxiety spikes.

This is something I’d resolved to fix for quite a few years now, but I’ve never gone in with a specific game-plan, which means I then fall back into usual habits very quickly, because “idk I’ll figure it out” isn’t cutting it here.

So, I’m imposing a rule where I can only post one fic chapter, total, a week. Not one chapter of each fic, just one chapter of one fic. Fridays will be fanfic days, and I’ll post my chapter, and then I’ll go back to novel work. If a few months go by and I’m especially happy with novel progress, I might up that. I still want to take part in flufftober, but I’m really hoping that by then novel work will be so far along that doing so won’t be a problem, because it’ll be a nice break from edits rather than all-out rewrites. The plan is to also decide at the start of each week what will be updated next, let you guys know what it will be so you’re not waiting only to find out it’s a fic you don’t even read, and then rotate between that and the novel during that week. My current way of doing things is to have like 12 word docs open at any given time and just add to each one here and there until something is finished, but that isn’t the most efficient way to go about this.

I do have other set outlines as to how I’m going to achieve my other goals, rather than just “read more” and “exercise more”, because breaking them down into concise weekly targets to hit makes so much more sense. As for the screen time/social media dilemma, I’m going to be taking every Monday off of social media – with the exception of answering IG messages, because I use that in place of texting and I don’t want to completely self-isolate, just lessen the scrolling and the posting. I’ll also be limiting how often I can post, because the folk who follow me over there will know that my IG stories get a bit unhinged re: length at times. If I need more than that, which I think I will, I’ll extend the break to Tuesdays, too.

And the 50 book goal is pretty neat, because I can then just set myself with the goal of one book per week, or aim for 100 pages a day, which is fairly doable most days.

It’s going well, so far! I worked out five times this week, I’ve done quite a bit of reading, and I’m currently in the progress of updating every fic that I want to update before this once a week rule comes in (HTWA, Free, and Fallen Through Time are the top priorities – then, I think HWFG should roll around to be the first thing I update come New Year).

And to finish things off, I mentioned in my last post that I’m forcing myself to go out and do fun things for the sake of doing fun things at least once per month, beyond just errands and stuff that needs to be done, even if it just means a solo cinema trip or whatever. I did that this month, so have my proof of that in parting. Went to the city centre for lunch with a friend, and to take in the Christmas lights and snoop at the pretty clothbound classics.

So happy to be able to post something actually positive on here for once! I intend to keep that up, and I’m very grateful to the people who are following along on here!