#and also i don't think i got that summer award/job. and i don't think i'm getting any scholarships or anything this year either

[non-un-topo]

Okay but how do I fight the mortification of asking for multiple extensions on my assignments?

[billthedrake]

STANDING HALL PASS

"Hey," came his sexy voice as he let me into the hotel room. He had that killer smile that first made me crush out on the guy - when he first had that press conference for his hire my dick stood up immediately at his easygoing masculinity.

It still does. "Hey, Coach," I grinned, stepping in to follow him. This wasn't a date, but I tried to look my best for him. Sport coat, dress shirt, hair product in. Maybe because I'd met him smarted up in a blazer for an athletics award bruncheon. I was certainly overdressed now... the man had on sweatpants and an oversized team sweatshirt.

"You're looking good, G," Don said. "I got you a beer from room service," he offered, sitting down at the table. It wasn't a luxury hotel but it was a pretty nice room.

Coach Hartman and I had been having an affair for ten solid years now, and I was getting used to this phase. And to the man's desire to have a conversation before we fucked. So I sat down and we made chit chat, talked about the Broncos game the next day and my promotion at work.

It wasn't always like this. I was an Ohio State lax bro when we met, riding my youthful horniness and feeding of Coach Hartman's pent up sexual energy. We had some exploratory hookups at first, with wild, fevered sex, until we figured out a way to meet more frequently. I was living the dream, indulging my desire to top an older man, a man old enough to be my dad. That he was an honest to god NFL coach stud made me feel like I'd gotten the ultimate prize every time.

Then Don told me he had to break it off. Maybe a combination of guilt and fear of getting caught. I was from the Cincinnati area and I'd hung after graduation, but I knew it would suck being there and not being able to bone Hartman any more. Seeing him on the local news all the time, knowing he was just miles from where I lived. When I half lied and mentioned I was thinking of relocating to a different city, I saw the relief in his face and that nearly broke my heart. "I'd never ask that of you, Grant, but that would be for the best," he said.

So I moved to Denver. Had a great job and was into the outdoor culture. Even made some good friends quickly. But Denver is a young city and didn't have as many bottom daddies as I craved. Still, I was a good looking ex-jock, I did OK. And I took some vacations to Palm Springs that let me scratch my dadfucking itch.

It was about two years to the day when I heard from Don. He was still "William" in my contacts for the messaging, since I'd entered his middle name for anonymity sake. "How are you doing Grant?" was all it read.

The rest was history, I thought, as Hartman and I made small talk now, eye contact getting heavier. I kicked off my sneaker and ran my foot along his anke.

"You're making me hard," he whispered.

"That's the point, right, Don?" I teased. Working my foot higher.

He grunted and with a nod, raised his hips off the chair to pull down his sweats. The man was going commando and his smaller, thick tool stood up from the forest of grayish brown pubes. His legs weren't as toned as when we first started fooling around, but the man kept in shape.

I peeled off my socks and undid my jeans, not taking them off yet but letting my hardon have some breathing room in my briefs. I scooted the chair to angle us facing one another, allowing my foot to travel up his inner thigh, teasing him more. I don't know that either of us were into foot play, but this was novel and sexy, and I got off seeing Don's dadcock twitch.

"You sure you want to be with a 60 year old?" Coach asked, with a glint of flirting but also an insecurity there. He'd just had his birthday the previous week. Just as I'd had my 30th milestone the previous summer.

"Sure I'm sure," I replied. I breathed deep and felt my cock throb. I was glad it was no longer so constrained. "You sure you wanna be with a guy who gets turned on by fucking a 60 year old?"

I thought maybe I was going too far. Like a lot of guys, Don didn't like to think of himself as old, and he'd bristled any time I brought up any "dad" or "daddy" talk. But his spike jerked some, and I moved my foot up to tease his hairy balls sac and his short shaft.

He gave me a sly grin. "Maybe you have more of a granddaddy kink than a daddy one," he laughed.

"Maybe," I shrugged. "Would that bug you?" I challenged him.

He laughed. "Honestly, Grant? I don't fucking know." This was Hartman in his laid back mode, more laid back than I'd seen him in a while. I liked this version of him, I decided.

I played with his exposed genitals some more, getting into the new kind of foreplay. "Well, 60 or not, you're hot as fuck, Don."

He smiled at me, those trademark dimples forming, then lifted up his sweatshirt. It was a gesture that said he was self conscious he didn't have the body he did at 50. But a gesture that said he was seeking my approval.

I gave it to him. "Seriously, Coach," I grunted. "Your body is incredible. All of you." I wasn't laying it on thick, it was the truth. I was now partnered with my boyfriend Kevin, who twelve years older and a total bottom who indulged my incest kink. But I'd been up front with him that I had a married fuck bud who was going to stay in the picture. A famous guy who'd remain anonymous. Kevin actually suspected it was Tim Ryan since I'd fantasized, crudely and out loud, about that man being my bottom bitch more than once.

Kevin had actually called things off with me, until he decided he could live with me hooking up with mystery man 2 or 3 times a year. I'd get a text from "William" and drop any plans I had to come over to the hotel Don was staying at.

Like now. Hartman was feeding off my praise and my clear lust. I pulled out my cock and let him see not only its size but how hard the man was making me.

"Why don't you come over and suck it, Coach," I hissed. I'd played up the alpha jock thing when we first met. Hartman had to get me to tone it down a little, since usually he was more likely to put out for a buddy rather than a dom type. But on occasion, I'd order him around and on occasion he'd get excited by it.

It never got old seeing the middle-aged man naked and hard, getting into servicing position between my legs. Even more as I realized he wouldn't be middle aged much longer.

I grunted as his hands ran along my jeans and his head came closer. His hair was grayer now, much grayer, almost bristly with the silver. I ran my hand through its short length and felt him hiss, just before his tongue made contact with my dick.

Don Hartman wasn't a good cocksucker when we met. That gave me a source of pride, that I was the one who trained him, taught him the way to treat a dick. If I wasn't into fucking so much and if Coach didn't have such an amazing ass, I'd be happy sticking to a nice BJ and calling it an evening.

But it had been too long since we'd gotten together. So I'd let Hartman work me up, tease me to a full fuck-hard. And maybe he wanted to indulge his newfound oral fixation, too. Fine by me. I just pulled him off when I got too close.

"You didn't have me come over just to suck me, did you, Coach?" I growled.

Don's fist now encircled my spit wet prick. "Nah, G.... I need this in me, man. You know that?" His face blushed red at the admission. Carrying on an affair with Hartman was an emotional mine field, but I learned to embrace that part of it, too.

I ran my thumb along his cheek. Still can't believing the man I lusted for in my high school years was here with me now, still... again. "I know, Coach.... you know it turns me on to hear you say it."

He gave me a sexy smile. The embarrassment not giving way fully but transforming into something else. "You know, I thought I could go cold turkey... when you moved away...."

That hit me deep. Maybe I was the one going on the emotional rollercoaster with Don. My whole hand now patted his cheek, stroking his face tenderly. A part of me wanted to give him a slap, but he and I didn't have that dynamic and never would. "I'm here now, Don.... maybe it's once a year, maybe it's more. Whenever you need this cock, tell me, OK?"

He nodded, almost grateful. Fuck, my dick throbbed and started leaking. Hartman's eyes watched excitedly. "Maybe I can fly you out East sometime. If your boyfriend would be OK with that." We had an asymmetrical understanding. Don could talk about Kevin, but his family was off limits to discuss when we hooked up.

"He'll be fine," I replied, reassuring him. Don still had major cheating guilt, but his one stipulation was that he was not going to be a homewrecker for me. "He knows I need this."

With that I leaned forward. Don leaned up and met me. We didn't always kiss, particularly in that "it's just a fuck" phase when we rekindled our affair. But lately, Coach had been open to it. So I greedily kissed back, working as much game as I could into each lip lock.

It wasn't entirely romantic, though. I was horny, and Hartman was crazy pent up. Maybe his wife hadn't been putting out much lately. Or maybe he'd just missed a man's touch after too long. I put no claim on the man, but I knew I was the only guy he fooled around with.

I stood up, and Don was a half beat behind. We embraced and I let Don help me take off my clothes. I was regretting now that I hadn't come in casual attire like Don, because I would be naked now. Sometimes the slow stripping is fun, but just then I wanted to get naked with this hunk of a granddaddy. It had been too long.

"GOD!" Don hissed as I finally peeled off my shirt. I hit the gym pretty regularly and I guess I was in even better shape than last time we'd hooked up. His hands greedily ran over my muscle.

I let him explore my body, then softly patted his ass. "On the bed, Coach. Face down."

He grinned and nodded. I watched him crawl up on the bed, pulling down the covers and settling into a comfortable position. I got up behind him and took a second to massage those daddy buns, feeling just what a 60 year man felt like. Hartman was the oldest guy I'd ever been with, and I found a strange thrill in that. He wasn't the man I first fucked ten years ago, but mentally I still had 50 year old Don in my head and loved the way that fed into the 60 year stud in front of me. Oscillating back and forth, each version bringing out the hotter part of the other.

I leaned in and started burying my face in his ass.

This was my calling card. Before me, Hartman didn't realize he loved getting eaten out so much. After our first time together, he knew that's what he'd been missing. Sometimes our rim sessions would be epic, but tonight it was just going to be intense. Maybe 5 minutes of me feasting on the coach hole I missed so much.

Hartman was worked up too much too. Within a minute he was bucking his hunky ass into my face, challenging me to hold his hamstrings or hips down to steady him. I did just that and powerdrilled my tongue in and out.

I couldn't take any more though. Thankfully Don had set out some lube. I slicked myself up and fingered a good bit into his hole. I knew he'd be tight, which was great but also not. Gently I guided him up to into a doggy position.

He was horny but also a little nervous. I patted his lower back and massaged his muscle some while my other hand worked my lubed pole along his crack and over his pucker.

"It's like riding a bike, Coach," I assured him.

He chuckled. "I want you to open me up again, G," he hissed.

I did. Bluntly I applied force to his ring, until I popped through. I actually wasn't skilled at this when I was 20 but I had it down now... force, then restraint, perfectly timed. I breached that coach hole and then held the breach still so the man could get comfortable with a dick in him again.

"Feeling good, Coach?" I asked when I felt the vicelike spasms let up.

"Jesus, G, you have no idea," he answered. "Go ahead... I'm all yours, buddy."

The magic words. I pushed all the way inside Don Hartman, feeling every bit of warmth and snugness and getting off on his mature muscle. Dad, Granddad... who the fuck cared who he was in my psyche just then. I gave gentle but deep strokes. All the way in, all the way out. I used his hips for leverage, slowly.

"Fuck me, Grant... oh god yeah..." Don hissed in time to my cock. Hartman may take a lot of work to break in sometimes, but when the man got into it, he really got into it.

My fingers gripped around his waist tighter and I fucked harder. I was amazed I was able to hold off this long, but it was gonna happen soon. I was gonna spunk the insides of one of the league's best coaches. I pounded faster, even, feeling so close. I didn't know how close Don was, but his hand was now on his spike, working himself in sync to the fuck I was throwing him.

"Goddamnit, Coach, I'm gonna cum... gonna cum inside you," I announced.

Maybe Don was close already. Or maybe the idea of my sperm shooting in him was the trigger. But I watched his back muscles tense and I heard his deep orgasmic grunt. Hartman was beating me to the finish line by a split second.

My prick fired heavy inside him. Several full jets of my cum flooded his raw NFL coach ass, soaking it full. I always felt like I had won a prize trophy after nailing Hartman, but I also liked to think I was giving him his own personal trophy and keepsake.

I slowed my hips and finally stopped, leaning down to kiss between his shoulder blades before I pulled out.

"That was incredible, Coach," I said. I felt I could never praise this man enough and in the afterglow I always felt grateful as hell.

He had a content smile when he rolled onto his back. The next time I'd have to do him missionary and take advantage of seeing his more mature body. "That it was, G." His hand reached forward and felt up my thigh muscle. "Maybe we can shower off together?"

I still never knew which Hartman I was gonna get. The man who'd be quiet and standoffish after orgasm. Or the one who wanted some intimacy after. But I rolled with the punches. I offered a hand and helped him out of bed.

We actually didn't kiss much in the shower, but it was amazing feeling up each other's body, soaping and rinsing.

When we dried off and got back into the main part of the room, I knew not to push my luck. "I know you have a big game tomorrow, Coach," I said, walking over to find my briefs.

"Yeah," he said. "But if you wanna come over tomorrow night... we can go a little longer then."

I knew I'd have to make this up to Kevin somehow. A whole weekend with another man. But I also knew I'd be back in this hotel room, probably overnighting here. I wasn't gonna pass up on that chance.

"That'd be awesome, Coach," I said, stepping up to get one last kiss. This time it was Don who didn't want to break it off. I felt my dick stir and knew I could go again with this coach hunk, but I would save it for tomorrow night.

I grinned as I pulled back. Maybe cocky, which I tried to keep in check around Don. But he smirked at my reaction. "Jesus, G... you haven't changed a bit since you were in college."

That wasn't true. But I knew what he meant. And I knew he was like me, getting off on the dynamic between me 10 years ago and me now. And liking that difference.

I didn't reply. I didn't know what to say that would be better than the afterglow we were feeling. So I got dressed, eye contact still heavy on Don as he sat, naked and content in his chair, watching me and finally finishing the last of his beer. I picked up my sportcoat... I could put it on later. Tomorrow, I'd definitely be casual.

"Just text me tomorrow and let me know what you're feeling," I instructed. Sometimes Don wasn't in the mood for sex after a tough game, and I always wanted to give him an out.

"You know I will, G," he said. That happy-go-lucky smile getting a more serious paternal look. "Thanks again for coming over."

"Anytime, Coach," I said. "You know that." I patted my pocket to make sure I had my phone. Then I bid him good night.

[mattnben-bennmatt]

Matt Damon presents Ben Affleck with the Santa Barbara International Film Festival Modern Master Award (February 2013)

-

MATT: [Emphatically praises Ben's skills as a director and a filmmaker, telling how Ben was a great problem-solver since they were teenagers discussing movies, and how this made him both a great writing partner and also take on problem-riddled scripts in the early days of his career, as Ben could always see their potential. But it's only when he was able to implement his vision as a director that his mastery came to light, and that Ben, as the director, is the one responsible for how great his movies came out, that it didn't happen by chance. He then emotionally calls Ben to the stage to give him the (seriously heavy) award.]

BEN: [Proceeds to spend the next 3 minutes praising Matt, repeatedly calling him "brilliant" and a "genius". Explains that he knows Matt's a genius because he's known him for more than 30 years and has seen him "do about everything you can do. Including [...] in the shower", has seen "the entire range of his personality, his emotions, his life experience". So when he doesn't recognize Matt in a role he's playing, Ben's "humbled" and "completely blown away". That Matt has worked with all those great directors because they have seen greatness in Matt. And so has everyone in the world.] And so have I.

MATT: I'm not getting the award! Jesus!

BEN: I guess I'm just riffing! I've got nothing written, so. [...] I am lucky because I saw [Matt's greatness] before all of you! So thank you very much to Matt. Now onto my 10-page written remarks. [Laughter]

-

[Full transcript under the cut.]

-

LEONARD MALTIN: He just flew in tonight to do this, please welcome, ladies and gentlemen, Academy Award winner, Matt Damon.

MATT: Thank you. Thank you. This thing is seriously heavy. This is a serious award, man. So, a Modern Master. Okay.

I'll tell you what. When we were kids— we started really looking at movies when Ben was fourteen and I was sixteen. And we'd go to Somerville, as he said, to the Assembly Square Mall, they had the big pictures there; or Fresh Pond; or in Harvard Square. And it was usually the same little group of guys: it was Ben, and me, and Casey. And our other friend who Ben mentioned tonight, Aaron Stockard, who wrote Gone Baby Gone and The Town with Ben. And then a few other friends of ours. But predominantly, we all became screenwriters, either on purpose or by accident.

And we'd come out of these movies— and we saw all kinds of movies and we just loved movies. We worked in a movie theater, actually, one summer; tearing tickets and serving popcorn for— the only movie they played was Dead Poets Society, which is a movie we both auditioned for and didn't get. I don't know, some form of bizarre self-torture that we got jobs at the movie theater that was playing Dead Poets Society, and had to watch the exiting crowds weeping every night.

Anyway, we loved movies. But we'd come out of these movies and we'd say, "What'd you guys think?" and we'd have a little note session in the parking lot. And inevitably, "That was stupid, I didn't like it." We'd have these kinds of real adolescent notes. And then we'd get to Ben—who would have been quiet to that point, uncharacteristically—"And what do you think?" And he'd go, "Well, it didn't quite work for me. But had they done this, this, and this at the beginning, what you could have done in the middle was you could have a scene where you did this, and then they could have a great scene at the end, where you could have done that." We'd go, "Holy shit! That's a really good movie!"

This is a skill that he had, and I don't know if he was born with it, but he had it when he was fourteen when we started going to movies together. It was just that thing, where he could lift up the hood and look at the engine, and get in there and take it apart, and put it back together, and the whole thing would run smoother. It's what made him such a great writing partner. He could problem-solve. And so much of filmmaking is just that: it's just problem-solving and decision-making in real time.

And that's the same skill that got him in a lot of, well, mediocre movies for a patch there. Ten, or fifteen years ago I'd read a script of a movie he was doing—he'd signed on to do the movie—and I'd read it and I'd go, "Why are you doing this? Horrible problem in Act 1, and they don't solve it in Act 2, and it gets worse in Act 3." And he goes, "I know, but if you do this, this, this, and this, this movie is gonna be fantastic!" And I'd go, "You're absolutely right!" The problem was he wasn't directing the movies. And in our business, the director is god. And the director is also your boss. And like a good soldier, he would he would plead his case, but eventually he'd do what the director wanted. And the problems that were evident to him at the very beginning, were evident to him at the premiere.

So here he is now. He's made three fantastic movies, one better than the next. And one thing I've learned is that you cannot make a great movie by accident. Anybody who makes a great movie is a great director. Period. [Applause] That's true. Because the director is responsible for literally everything. Everything. The framing of the shot; where the camera is; what the actors are wearing; the color of the walls; the color of the drapes; the color of the scarf around the leading lady's neck; the way she says that line. Everything. It's all manipulated. Every single decision. These directors are making hundreds and hundreds of decisions a day, over hundreds of days. You just can't do it by accident. It's literally impossible.

And Ben's made these three great movies. And this last one Argo is legitimately a great movie: that's already nominated for Best Picture, and it's already won the Golden Globe for Best Picture, and for Ben for Best Director, and no one's gonna be surprised if it wins the Oscar for Best Picture. [Applause]

And so here I am, with my— my buddy is, without question, a great director! And so when I was contemplating this whole Master thing, I guess the only thing I could say is, please welcome... Please welcome somebody who is undeniably two things: my very old friend and a very young master. [Applause]

It's heavy, man!

BEN: Thank you very much. This is indeed a lot. I want to say thank you to Matt Damon, who when he gets this award, I hope will invite me here to give a speech about him. Mine will be a bit more of a roast because so many of the brilliant characteristics of Matt are so blatantly self-evident.

Matt Damon actually is brilliant. We traffic in these adjectives and in hyperbole in this business an awful lot, so it's rare to actually know a genius. And I know that Matt's a genius because I know him, and I've known him for more than 30 years. I've seen him do about everything you can do. Including—we played sports together—I even saw him in the shower. Which is why that was a nice speech. Because you don't roast somebody who's seen you in the shower.

But what I've seen about Matt is who he really is. So I know and I've seen what I consider to be the entire range of his personality, his emotions, his life experience, more or less. So when I go see a movie that Matt's in, and I see a fully realized, deeply nuanced, completely complicated person—who not only have I never met, I've never even seen! Not for a second!—I am humbled and I am completely blown away.

Matt talked about directors. There are a lot of things that I would have cause to envy Matt over. The one thing I probably envy him the most is: Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsese, Steven Spielberg, the Coen brothers. [To Matt] Help me out! A whole shitload of directors who are geniuses. Clint Eastwood, twice. Cameron Crowe. I mean, on and on. Matt has worked with basically all the great directors who can still get up out of a chair. And the reason why is because they're great directors and they can recognize greatness. And they've seen it in Matt; and so have all of you; and so has America; and so have international film-going audiences; and so have I.

MATT: I'm not getting the award! Jesus!

BEN: I guess I'm just riffing! I've got nothing written, so. [To Matt, unitelligeable.]

I am lucky because I saw it [Matt's greatness] before all of you! So thank you very much to Matt. Now onto my 10-page written remarks. [Laughter]

[jadeleechsupportgroup]

personal happenings and thoughts below the jump. cw talk of medical stuff, death, cancer, mental illness, bipolar, idk, a shit ton.

my dad is dying. he got diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer in may, a week after he turned 70. he got immunotherapy treatments all summer. it shrunk the tumor but also destroyed the rest of his body because he was already just so sick in general. about 3 (4?) weeks ago, they found blood clots in his lungs and an especially large one in his leg. they suggested discontinuing treatment and moving him into hospice care.

i inherited my food allergies and bipolar disorder from him. and i'm trying to use that as a turning point in my own life - doing my best to avoid those foods (gluten non-negotiable, dairy just a bad idea), going to therapy (including IOP), staying on medication, etc. all the good shit.

but it has been so hard watching him die.

He tells my mom how no matter when he sleeps, he has nightmares. Whenever I go back home (out of state) to help, I see the manic and depressive episodes hit fast and hard. I feel like I'm witnessing the brain damage in action, and I feel like I'm watching whatever will happen to me if I make it to that age. I also never sleep like a normal person and have horrible dreams. without the meds I hear background noise in my brain, which I only learned more recently is a form of psychosis.

it's easy to look back and either be angry or sad about how i never got this kind of help as a kid or teen. I had symptoms in early grade school. but it was the 90s (1900s am I right haha) so I doubt there was anywhere my parents could have even taken me for treatment.

I'm trying to just...feel my feelings as they come. Practicing the things I learned in group because they mostly make it manageable. blogging here, i guess. learning not to ruminate too hard on this or the other things in my life which are shit, which idk if i'll ever have the strength to blog about, but maybe someday.

my dad and i have had a more difficult relationship since the you-know-what in 2016. living at home because i could afford nothing else, and coming to the realization that i was non-binary in addition to ace, suddenly became a hellscape with him spewing bigotry so openly. when it gets right down to it, i'm sure he wouldn't have thrown me out on the street. which i know is the bare minimum. it's complicated. but I also know he loves me. I can tell lately he's been thinking back on his life and the mistakes/choices he made. it doesn't make it okay but it's.......something.

I don't know. I spend my days waiting for the crushing sadness to punch me in the chest. It hasn't yet. But it's dark all the time now and it's cold as shit and the holidays are the worst part of the year for me because so many bad anniversaries are coming up. I'm in a place I've only lived for a couple years and I don't really have any friends outside of work (which is, of course, two jobs, because capitalism is a plague).

I know things will happen. Some good things, some bad things, some things with no emotional points awarded. knowing it's gonna hurt is not doing me any favors. but I have to get this out somehow so here it is.

and now for some pics that cheer me up.

my dad and I are both pilots, so this one is cute.

I won an iguana at the carnival as a kid. He lived an extremely spoiled life. And got very long.

and, of course, the wiggly pig (one of amelia's numerous names)

thanks for reading if you've made it this far, or even if you didn't.

[lyssiesleakedmemos]

Your favorite Bodybuilder is a Sadist

Real life 🌶

Rough/Sadism

Summer was approaching fast, and nothing could stop the row of girls from their life or death race to perfect their bikini bodies. Their synchronized pony tails swishing and pristine sneakers thudding against the dueling treadmills. Nothing could distract them from their mission, that was, of course, until Dave walked in.

Eying him like a piece of meat and then exchanging a series of looks that said everything they needed to say. This clearly wasn't the first time they gushed over him. I chuckled to myself from behind the front desk where i greeted him and checked him in. They would have killed for my job at that moment, and they would have looked a whole lot better in the hideous uniform. He was precisely the sort of man they were sweating for. But none of us would have guessed the sadistic urges behind the beautiful body.. even less that it would actually be ME he'd end up taking them out on.

To tell you the truth I wasn't terribly impressed with my first interactions with Dave, don't get me wrong he was never rude but he wasn't warm either and as someone forced to greet patrons all day it was clear he wasn't the friendliest of the bunch. He was undeniably attractive, a gorgeous bronze body full of rippling muscles on his towering frame.. I didn't even think that body type particularly did anything for me, but it must have because the moment he first approached me, I melted.

It was casual, but the more he came in, the more time he made for me. We had little jokes, and part of me hoped his line of fan girls saw it.

Before anything came of it I had switched jobs and as far as I knew that was that until an unknowingly fateful day came in the form of a friend request from a familiar name and a more familiar face. I was caught off guard, but when I saw the number of friends he had, i wasn't even confident it was anything more than clicking "add" on every profile he crossed. Upon further inspection, I decided it was an act of self-promotion because it turned out this man was a much bigger deal than just some hot guy at the gym.. he was a known and awarded bodybuilder with dedicated fans. Dave competed across the country and made a name for himself in a niche that he thrived at. Okay, so maybe I was impressed.

The expected happened, absolutely nothing.

Until it did.

I was out getting plastered with my best friend shortly after a break up when my phone buzzed, and through the blurs of the swirling night, I saw his name. He was at a different bar,  in a different city on the same elixir. All the confidence he drank, he poured into messages confessing how bad he wanted me and for just how long that had been the case. Just like that, the bar became an underwhelming backdrop to the excitement of my phone. Back and forth, we went through venue changes all the while I questioned the reality of what was happening. "Message me when you're sober. See how you feel then"

The sunlight tore through the blinds the way it only does after a night of drinking blazing over the face of yesterday's makeup. That's when I saw the message already waiting for me, "I'm sober now, I feel no different."

Day in and day out, the messages flowed in each piece of the puzzle that was his dark twisted mind. "I have desires, I can't explore with anyone else." He trusted me like a dear friend but craved my destruction at his hands. He told me everything he intended to do to me when he got his hands on me. I was obedient and offered him a time and place.

Besides my nerves, I was also sick that day.. I warned him, but he remained unphased. He was coming over. I anxiously paced the floors, my house was falling apart, my body was no match for his, could I really let him see me nude living in squalor?Why me? Why now?

Times up, his head lights burst through the window he had arrived to take what he was promised.

After a few minutes of conversation while he downed a drink, he took me in with wild eyes. "I'm scared," I blurted. "I'm not," was all he said before kissing me. The game began, and he kissed me increasingly rough while his calloused hands explored my body. "I love your fucking tits." Peeling off my dress leaving only the red lingerie I wore just for him. Guiding my own trembling hands to feel his achingly hard cock. He ordered me to the floor, on my knees, staring up at his intimidating frame. Dave shoved himself into my irritated throat, using my head like a toy smashing into my face harder and deeper. Choking on every inch of him, allowing me only seconds of reprieve to violently gag and gasp before he reentered my mouth. He watched my agony joyously.

I could hardly take it anymore when he let me up, ripping my panties off and shoving them into my mouth. He bent me over the couch and fucked me, each crash like a punishing blow. Not a second was gentle, striking my ass and telling me what a filthy whore I was. He was more animal than man. I wondered if the girls at the gym could have handled him in his true form if they knew what I did now. He wanted to provoke me, the closer I got to tapping out the more enjoyment he got out of it. Muffled shrieks escaped through the red lace in my mouth.

Not ready to be done playing with his toy, he picked me up me up with ease dangling me upside down. He buried his face between my trembling thighs and ate me suspended in mid-air. The weight of my body was nothing to him to someone of his magnitude, especially not with the adrenaline of the hunt.

Then he threw me. He actually fucking threw me across the room. Lying there panting in disbelief I couldn't help but get a sick pleasure out up being discarded like trash with such brute strength. Part of me wanted to fight him but if this was him unchallenged I wasn't sure I'd survive crossing him.

He took use of my incompasitated state sitting on my face ordering me to lick his ass, suck his balls before burying his cock back in my throat. My throat ached but I didn't protest. Despite, everything I wanted to be the best for him even if that made me nothing more than his favorite object to destroy.

He never ran out of energy tossing me around the room, degrading me in every position like he showed up with a checklist of pent-up desires. Slapping me around till i flinched at his every move. I never knew what was coming next, and it gave him a sick pleasure. Only coming to an end when the night did.

I made a passing comment on his way out about how sore my throat was from being sick and how I could barely handle the pain of his cock. He looked at me expressionless and simply said "I know." Before hugging me goodbye, gently.

While one might think this sounds like a story that could only ever be a one-off.. I have seen him since more than once since and regularly still talk to him so this is not where this ends but I think we could also use sometime to recover before we get to the time I started losing consciousness in his car..

* disclaimer all acts were consensual and communicated beforehand had. His desire to cause pain may be controversial, but they were established prior, and I had the power to decline at any time.

[samsa-studies]

17 January 2024, Wednesday 78/100 Days of Productivity

This week has been a bit difficult. I had a family event on Monday I had to go to that was super awkward and was all day, so I didn't get anything done then, and I was so exhausted on Tuesday that I didn't get anything done then except submitting applications to an internship and a couple of part-time jobs. It was nothing special, and I know I could have spent my time better but just didn't. My bad habits are definitely harder to break that I had thought they would be.

Academics

Independent Study meeting

Applied to summer internship

Award application personal statement first draft

I got nominated for an award! I also got nominated last year but I didn't make the cut, sadly. However, I really think I have a chance this year since I started volunteering and so can fill that section of the form, when I couldn't last year since I hadn't any any experience in that field yet. I'm very proud of myself for being able to do that!

52 Book Challenge

3/52: Mammoths at the Gates by Nghi Vo

4/52: Anti-Romance, vol.1 by Shoko Hidaka

I count the manga volumes I read because I believe any reading is good reading. I don't read manga as often as I used to, since I've moved more towards preferring light novels, but every now and then I find a series that I want to read and usually complete it in a night. Anti-Romance had looked cute but after the first volume I was pretty much just tired of the premise, too much relying on a lack of communication.

Other Resolutions

Decluttered manga shelf

I took out the series that I was not longer collecting or no longer had any interest in. I will be giving some volumes away to friends and selling others online, especially the completed sets.

[notasimpleslater]

If you're asking me, here's how I think it went down (as always, not trying to stir shit up, I just can't help but get the feeling that this is all what happened with the evidence we're seeing): Ethan and Lily have been together for ten years, he never got to have those wild twenties experiences of having a girl every night like lots of guys do. Maybe he didn't want that, but even if he didn't social pressure from other men/media can be enough to make someone think about it. (1)

(2) Cut to his mid-twenties, they're engaged and he is quite literally the toast of New York and the theatre scene in general, with basically the entire city handing him awards and attention left and right (not to mention a heavy flock of fangirls telling him how hot and amazing he is). Then all of a sudden the Tonys disappoint, Spongebob closes, and he marries Lily. (3) He sees some marginal success in the following years, moves to LA (obviously we don't know but I feel he may have wanted to try his hand at the acting scene there), and does some more shows, all the while having this gaggle of fans hyping him up and being seen as this perfect, wholesome wonderful guy who can do no wrong, with his partner of a decade by his side and an impressive reputation both in the industry and in the court of public opinion. (4) Ariana and Cynthia were cast in Wicked in mid-2021, so I have to assume that he was at least having auditions for the role by then He moves back East, does a movie and Assassins and a few other things, and by the end of 2021 his wife is pregnant. I noticed him doing a lot of traveling in spring/summer of 21, so I feel like perhaps they planned to try for a baby at the end of that year and were 'sowing their oats' as it were, and maybe that made Ethan realize some stuff about himself by the - (5) - time Lily was pregnant. It's not clear when he was actually GIVEN the role of Boq, but we know that he and his family were certainly in London by November of 22, so he'd probably met Ariana by then. She's unhappy in her marriage, has a thing for taken guys, sees the only straight guy she'll be regularly interacting with (helps that he's desperately in love with her in the musical), and decides she wants him. "I want it, I got it" indeed. (6) Like I said, Ethan didn't get to do the whole single guy dating thing in his twenties like most due, especially considering he said he had feelings for Lily since high school, so he missed out on feeling that rush of getting that kind of attraction (personally I think they had a fling, not a relationship, but it doesn't much matter). Ariana starts showering attention on him while playing the 'nice girl', meeting Lily and Ezra and all the while pretending to be friendly and professional. (7) clearly we don't know when or how it happened, but I can imagine that going from relative obscurity to having affection showered on you from one of the biggest sex symbols from the 21st century would be enough to scramble any man's brain. IMO he got a little too big for his britches and is trying to relive being 21 and having a 'fling', since he never got to experience that at the appropriate time. (8) Either way, it sucks, and if there was cheating they're both terrible people. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.🙏🏽

Alright there's a lot to unpack here, so let's do it.

The fact that you mentioned that he seemed to have never had a wild early 20's experience is interesting because we really don't know anything about his dating life prior to Lilly. If i'm doing the math right based on his interviews and such, him and Lilly started dating when he was 19/20 years old, so I wonder if he even dated a lot in high school or early college years?

(This is just me bing nitpicky, but if you're talking about when they moved to LA in the middle of covid, I think he said in a couple of interviews that the move to LA was for Lilly's job?? )

It's also interesting that you mentioned all the traveling they did in the summer of 2021 because during Ethan's Edge of the World press tour he mentioned a couple of times that they were in the process of moving, and then during his Broadway Buskers concert that fall he says they moved 3 times in 2 years?? I don't know why they were moving so much, but I just remember in his video interviews he was in a different location every time dfgbdfg!

Back to the current situation, I agree with you that if anything, him and Ariana may have had a fling instead of an actual relationship because I just don't realistically see any relationship between them lasting. I've seen a few people on twitter say that they think Ethan is Ariana's type, but like??? I feel like they only thing they have in common is that they're both theater kids 😂. Their lives couldn't be anymore different.

But like you said, this really is a sucky situation.

[serenelysimple]

I'm convinced that everybody hates me.

An update for the past two years since I stopped posting here in 2022.

2022 - Intense relationship and personal doubts.

2023 - My job since 2020 started to do a face-to-face setup. It was actually fun and comfortable. I am anxious and have self-doubts to begin with. But I didn't realize how heavy it would feel to be talked about behind my back, and be called selfish. I was criticized for the way I managed the studio, and for taking my time to conceptualize and produce marketing assets. They said my designs were ugly. They said I spoke too slowly. I was called selfish for reflecting and expressing my feelings — about how my colleagues looked and treated me. I still managed to lead the scholars and produce a recital.

2024 - It was the same as 2023 but heavier since I needed to lead interns and new employees. My boss wanted me to focus on administrative work and was willing to replace me the day before my art classes, without orienting my lesson plan to the person who would replace me. I also managed to handle and lead another recital and art gallery and created the lesson plans. The teacher who replaced me earned twice more because she was assigned to teach the classes I planned, even though she did not follow most of them and didn't execute the techniques properly. I also resigned due to the unfair treatment during the summer classes and the days leading to it. They doubted and stepped on me. They didn't even raise my salary after the promotion. Now, they are thinking that I am just after the money, when in reality, I sacrificed a good freelancing career, and the possibility to try corporate jobs because I believed in their vision. I have been blinded by good words, despite being treated like shit.

Still, 2024 - After quitting my job at the studio, I got hired to a corporate work-from-home job. I'm still under probation until February 2025, which makes me anxious about the possibility that I will not be regularized because of how slowly I work on the marketing materials. Back in the studio, it was a bit easy but now, I have the skills but don't have enough speed to finish them.

I feel like I wasted four years. During those years, my classmates were already married, comfortable, traveling, receiving multiple awards, and so much more. At 29, I am still just beginning. And just when I thought I would be more independent and comfortable now that I had a new job, I suddenly got the responsibility of feeding 3 (my aunt, and two cousins) people passed on to me. They told me "help would be given", but I am the only person working my ass off to feed them and give them school materials. While I can't disclose why the responsibility of caring for them was passed on to me, I did not ask for it and was not ready.

I asked God many times, "Why do these things happen to me at times when I want to fix myself?"

I'm just trying to have a good day and have peaceful meals. I don't want to entertain traumatic stories daily because I wasn't involved in their problems and I have no idea who they are talking about anyway. Am I selfish for trying to protect myself, because absorbing someone's words and negative energy causes me stress? I'm feeling stressed because I have to step out of my comfort zone, deal with debts that I didn't cause, and ensure I stay composed for my new job.

And what if I really am not talented enough? Maybe I am not getting what I thought I deserved, because I am not really meant for it. Because I am just an average person. I don't work twice as hard as my classmates, so I don't have to expect that I would receive the same recognition that they are getting.

I'm convinced that everybody hates me from the people who blocked me to protect their peace, to being uninvited and not being considered. I understand that. I don't like myself either.

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here bestie, here to pour ice cubes down the back of your office mate's shirt as well as anyone getting pissy in yours or others inboxes for daring to have an opinion the screentime usage on a supposed ensemble show. Seems like a perfect time to talk about the latest LS episode, so get ready my friend, I've got some opinions. So first the 4 things I liked, in no particular order were Captain Judd, Grace and Judd, the group sending pics to Marjan, Owen showing up to dinner. Now let's

talk about the rest of the episode where my thoughts fluctuated between "I don't give a shit" and "are you fucking kidding me". Let's start with the big, glaring issues. Did this fucking show, with all it's promotion of its diverse cast, just try to make the fucking nazi's sympathetic and victims? Fuck off show, the fact that the white supremacists didn't choose violence doesn't suddenly absolve them and make them good people. Violent racism may be on the rise, but by far the common and well practiced racism is institutional. I live in fucking Texas where we have such fabulous legal decisions like abortion bounties, only have 1 place to turn in mail-in ballots per county even if that county has millions of people, and saying its NOT actually necessary for outdoor workers to take a 10 minute water break every 4 hours, even if it's summer and temperatures reach 110+ degrees. Those last two heavily effect particular demographics and if you think the groups that vote for the people that allow those things to happen, that actively encourage it and condone it, are somehow redeemable because they didn't choose violence I have some choice words for you (sorry if that sentence made no sense, i lost some of my thoughts mid raging). To then top that off with a "let's give the violent white supremacist a sob story" and I'm officially disgusted. So yeah, anything tangentially related to this plot just didn't hit for me. And then we wasted so much of the last 6 episodes on this bullshit just to end with this makes me want set Tim's hair on fire. More minor complaints. We're a third of the way through the season and Mateo has had like 5 lines, do better show. And Carlos is just back to work and fine, sure, whatever. This is minor since I didn't expect them to address this till later, but we better get a nice looong conversation between him and his parents. Okay, bitching done, on to OG spec soon!!!

Hello my friend! I got this right before dinner last night and then I was out of spoons for the day but I am vibrating on like, 2000% of my normal serotonin thanks to OG, plus the hard mango soda I had when I got home because it was A Week, so I'm READY to do ALL OF THE THINGS! Also, I finally got to go home so I'm warm now because it was another freezing day in the office. I miss working at home 😭😭😭 ANYWAY, lets talk about LS so I can get to your OG ask because I have THOUGHTS!

This week did have some good stuff, more actually than I was expecting because we got the group being at least FINALLY involved in this plot. Captain Judd is my absolute beloved and I loved seeing a bit of his dynamic with Paul again (that ice storm arc was SO GOOD for them!). More Captain Judd if Owen is going to bitch about his job being the equivalent of being "benched". 🙄🙄🙄 Grace continues to be The Best and her and Judd's relationship is everything to me. I really enjoyed the team kinda goofing off but also getting reminded that the danger is real (also that little kid DID deserve an award!) because they ARE good in the field but that's not always enough. The group making sure to send their failure pics to Marjan is so on brand for them and I'm glad we at least got a mention that they're keeping in touch as promised. I love love love that Carlos and the 126 all got to be involved in this plot finally and we got to see an exciting emergency. I also ADORE little bitty TK holding on to his little bitty backpack straps. He's so pocket-sized and baby! I also really enjoyed Owen stopping by the loft and TK and Carlos making room for him. Judd wasn't wrong, he HAS been lonely and it was good to see him choosing to reach out to his son and work on that bonding instead of moping around at home. I'm really excited for dadzilla Owen and momzilla Andrea, it's gonna be a blast!

Now, as you said, for the not so good.

No only did the show try to make the group of nazis out to be the victims they also tried to make the young guy, who got kicked out of the nazi club for being too radical about wanting to DO nazi shit instead of just talking about it, into a victim because there was someone even WORSE and yeah he wanted to DO shit but maybe not that much. I mean, come on, poor kid just wanted to harass people trying to live their lives and protest people having rights because he doesn't like them, and maybe shout at some local politicians! He didn't want HIS family to get hurt in all that so now it's like, super sad and hard for him because his family is the one affected this time! Isn't he just the most victim-y victim to ever victim? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Sidebar, I just watched Bad Call, and like, THAT guy was a victim! He was picked up by bad guys, and forced to rob a bank while strapped to a bomb. You know who ISN'T a victim? Some white dude who was trying to make other people's lives miserable, and fucked around and found out! Zero sympathy.

The show wasted SO MUCH TIME on this plot and for what?! For them to make it seem like only one guy was a "bad apple" and all the other guys were victims? To kill off some rando woman that no one knew or cared about? Only to not even mention that it was Owen's fault she was in the building at all anyways because he couldn't keep his mouth shut?! For us to hear the writers say through Owen that being a fire captain is boring and they really wish they would have made this spinoff a police show instead?!?! The ONLY moderately enjoyable thing to come out of this storyline was Owen getting some funny quips and him and O'Brian being able to play off each other so well. Which, and I cannot stress this enough, could have happened around actual calls where Owen was doing his fucking job.

ANYWAY

Agreed that I'm TIRED of waiting for other characters billed and marketed as main characters to get more than a couple lines of "Yeah, Cap! On it, Cap!" so Owen can waste all the screen time doing NOT first responder work. And giving one "whole" episode to Marjan or Mateo or Paul or Carlos does NOT make up for them not having a consistent presence in every episode. Carlos had a HUGE trauma and it hasn't even come up in a background conversation for TWO EPISODES! Yes, I think it's going to come up more in depth later this season but zero follow up at all?! After he DIED?! Not even a single mention?! *Athena voice* InSANity. And it's doubly frustrating that this is still SUCH an issue so many seasons in, simply because the rest of the characters are so good that people are willing to put up with skipping Owen stuff so they can watch the rest of it. It has never made sense to me why shows talk down to/hate even slightly catering to their hardcore fanbase because those are the people that will make sure to tell EVERYONE about the show, and convince people to watch it with them, and will get the show talked about enough for journalists to write about it, and will KEEP the show going and talked about and beloved even after it's over!

Okay, I think I got it all out. Thanks as always for sharing your thoughts and coming over to be salty with me in my online living room. On a happier note, we finally have some good fucking food to talk about with OG so I'm gonna go work on that post next, and look forward to new LS being about Tommy!

[eskewcity]

is the shitty undergrad storytime an offer to your friends/mutuals over dms, or the general public of ur followers? i dont mean to be overfamiliar, but if you wanna post it for the general public id love to hear it lol

no literally it's for anyone because I hate him so much that the offer is open for the general public. I usually am not comfortable with sharing super personal information but in this case I am the one who said anyone could ask so its cool :)

so to begin his name is trent. and yes that's his real name because I can't be bothered to make a fake one and he deserves to be blasted. i would like to state as a bit of background info that I am unintentionally a darling of the history department at my school. I don't know how it happened because I wouldn't necessarily call myself a model student but my one professor offered me a research job for the summer of my freshman year and I have worked close with him on various projects ever since. this has also made me close with the other professors and yes to brag I did win an award because of it :} anyways we are besties blah blah blah it gave me an ego blah blah blah

in comes Trent my sophomore year. he immediately wants to get in the good graces of the department and is just a general kiss ass to everyone there. he does a lot of things to really get professor s. (the professor i work with) to like him but he doesn't really buy into it because he can see through bullshit including mine while I'm writing my capstone lol.

anyways Trent already doesn't like me because I took his spot as a friend to the faculty even though I was there a year earlier. add on the fact that I was (briefly) the treasurer of the history club on campus (I didn't do anything because pandemic and then I went abroad) which is the position he wanted but I got elected.

okay sorry that was a lot of build up for the thing he did that made me cry. so last year, prof s. approached me to essentially work as an online monitor for his class which was half online and on person. basically, I was to watch anyone that raised their hands via zoom and call on them since my professor was in the classroom and couldn't always spot them. I was told explicitly to first pick anyone who doesn't often speak and not necessarily go in the order that people raised their hands. if im honest, it was a really frustrating job for something so simple. I could see students roll their eyes at me when I wouldn't call on them first and it was overall an uncomfortable experience for me because I consider myself a rather reserved person who now has to interrupt almost every class.

so one day I'm calling on people and Trent raises his hand. however a lot of other people also raise their hand that don't often speak so I have to go to them first. I could tell he was getting antsy but I didn't think much of it. when it gets to him, instead of answering the question he decides to berate me endlessly. he goes on to talk about how if my professor's "helper" had picked him earlier that he would have been able to answer and just is insulting me. mind you this is in front of a 30 person class. then he mutes himself looking smug and i was shocked. thankfully the class was almost over so it ended and I just cried after that. like the job was difficult enough but he just made me feel like total shit. I ended up sending him an email to tell him to come to me privately if he has a problem with me instead of announcing it in front of the entire class. needless to say he never emailed me back instead he apologized to MY PROFESSOR for interrupting class. my friend who was even in the class talked to professor s. about it because people were just so rude to me when I did this job <3 anyways professor s. took my side but I have not forgiven Trent for being such an asshole and not even being apologetic about it like I’m not a human being with feelings

idc if seems like im overreacting and overly sensitive but literally terrible terrible time I hope he rots and his entire bloodline is cursed xoxo

[d-criss-news]

A Holiday Album That Avoids All the Cliches? "Bah Humbug," Says Darren Criss

The stage and screen star, of Glee and Hedwig fame, just released a collection of songs that goes extra hard on holiday spirit.

Darren Criss, the actor and singer who co-starred in Glee for six seasons (Kurt’s dreamboat boyfriend!) and more recently won an Emmy and several other awards for his portrayal of Andrew Cunanan in The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, spent the better part of last year in a studio recording holiday songs for a new album. The experience left him in an unusual frame of mind. “You know that feeling during the holidays when everything finally slows down and you really have time to think?” he said in a chat with T&C. “It’s calm but it’s also a little wistful? Well that’s how I felt for almost 12 months and it was really great.”

A Very Darren Crissmas, which debuted last week, includes a mix of familiar songs, lesser-known B-sides by his favorite artists, and one composed by him. He is accompanied in a few by Adam Lambert, Rachel Evan Wood, and Lainey Wilson. Later this year, he will embark on a multi-city tour, including dates in New York, Chicago, Boston, and others, starting on December 3.

To an outsider, making a holiday album might seem simultaneously intimidating (benchmarks already set by Bing, Dolly, Ella, Frank, Johnny, etc.) and perilous (do the job too well and you end up being played in elevators), but Criss was happy to correct musical misconceptions.

Is it hard to avoid cliches while working in this particular genre?

I’d like to offer a counterpoint to that idea. I believe Christmas albums are a wonderful excuse to embrace cliches in a way that you're not allowed to throughout the year. My general MO in life is to try to challenge people's ideas and have them reevaluate their relationship to something. You know, what can make this interesting to me in a way that also may reintroduce it to people who think they know it?

Did this require a special strategy?

I've written for a lot of different kinds of things—musicals, pop—and I'm a big believer in dressing for the party—in other words knowing what the dress code is and honoring the thing that makes it work. If you're going to a summer wedding, you wear lighter colors. There is a kind of loose dress code for Christmas albums that you don't have the rest of the year. Chords, harmonic devices, and jazz arrangements that are just a little too, I don't know, Christmas-y, but that for a handful of weeks, the rules completely change and you can run with it. Think about it, nobody rolls their eyes around Christmas and says, “Oh, you wrapped my present again.” Or, “You got a Christmas tree again.”

In what ways did you dress for this party but also make it personal?

Aside from the painfully convenient pun of my last name in the album title? No, it was the song selection. The hardest part for me was curating what songs we included. If I had my way, I would have made a whole album full of songs no one has ever heard before. But I knew I had to have pieces that people are familiar with enough to use as a gateway drug, to the other songs that I'm almost certain people have no familiarity with. So I made sure to arrange them in a way where they felt familiar when you heard them. Like, “Oh wait, is this a Frank song?”

One example is, “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.” This song was a novelty hit in the 1950s. It's not covered a whole lot, but when it is, it's usually by a female artist and it's done more or less exactly the same as the original record. I tried to approach it irreverently but also with a great deal of affection. You know, doing it in halftime, breaking it up with 808 beats and contemporary drum loops.

Which lesser-known song were you most delighted to reintroduce your listeners to?

I think the crown jewel of the album—and I'm very proud of all of my babies—is “New Year.” It is a Regina Spektor song from one of her seminal albums, and my longtime friend and producer Ron Fair and I were continually surprised by how much this song kind of took on a life of its own. Typically, musicians close holiday albums with a song about the New Year and usually it’s with either “Auld Lang Syne” or “What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?”

I really wanted to find a new song that could kind of maybe join that list and this one is almost bittersweet but it has this message about being extremely grateful for where we are, what we’ve been given, and being excited to get to do it again. Sonically, we kind of turned it into a '70s arena rock kind of tune. I hope people can really dial into that song because it's one of our proudest moments.

[fruti2flutie]

astra lost in space: the short & dramatic space adventure

do you like the thrill of the promised neverland? the sleek animation in psycho-pass? the drama cut by comic relief in full metal alchemist? the "family by choice" trope & high school kids acting like high school kids? if yes to all, go read astra lost in space! if you're not convinced enough or you've already watched the anime, i'm here to give you a push of persuasion!!

let's talk about the manga, first & foremost. the series is complete, with a run from may 2016 to december 2017, with a total of five volumes — roughly 50 full-length chapters. it also won the manga taisho award in 2019! so it's safe to say that this series is well-acclaimed, and since it's so short it's pretty easy to enjoy it without having to spend a long time reading. 

so, with that in mind, here's a brief synopsis of the plot: in the year 2063, a group of teenagers is set to attend a camp on a nearby planet, which is typical for teens at their high school. however, soon after they arrive, they stumble upon a mysterious black orb that sucks them into space thousands of light-years away without any explanation. although they're able to find refuge on a nearby ship, the group must find a way to return to their planet, all the while surviving the unknown. 

that sounds like a really basic story, but in actuality it's not!!! the author does a great job mixing together various genres with lots of plot twists as well as a fun cast of characters. like i said, it's not very long, so unfortunately the characters aren't that well fleshed out, but nonetheless they're still interesting & likable in their own ways! conversely, because the series is so short, a single panel is very telling of their personalities.

i won't say much about the art except that it is good, because it's space. i am a sucker for space!

the anime was in the summer 2019 season, produced by studio lerche (known for assassination classroom amongst many other titles). the cast features a variety of prominent voice actors such as hosoya yoshimasa (doppo in bungou stray dogs), minase inori (rem in re:zero), nobunaga shimazaki (haru in free!), uchiyama kouki (tsukishima in haikyuu!!), and saori hayami (shinobu in demon slayer).

while the anime did a fantastic job bringing the story to life, there were lots of changes apparent from the manga that (though weren't entirely necessary to the plot) made me feel a bit disappointed. that's expected to happen for an entire series adapted in only 12 episodes, especially since it leaned more towards the drama than the humor to flow better, but i think if you watched the anime only, you missed out on some of the subtle details that really heightened the story & just what made astra lost in space such a wild, thought-provoking experience. 

there was also this moment of comedy, which as my favorite but definitely got cut out for time LOL 

tl;dr astra lost in space is a good sci-fi, thriller, comedy story that deserves more love!! even if you don't want to read the manga, watch the anime! it has amazing art, lovable characters, and an absolutely incredible plot!!! SPACE!!!!!!!

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 5/7/21: WRATH OF MAN, HERE TODAY, THE UNTHINKABLE, MONSTER, THE WATER MAN and More

It’s a new month, and I guess going by previous years pre-COVID, this weekend would normally be the start of summer. This year, we’re instead getting a summer with a lot of movies that would normally be dumped into April or February or some other uneventful month. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t or won’t be any good movies, but really, there’s nothing that feels like a summer movie until A Quiet Place Part II and Disney’s Cruella open on Memorial Day weekend.

There’s been lots of great developments, though, including the Alamo Drafthouse in Brooklyn reopening this Friday and then in a few short weeks, theaters may be allowed to be open with no capacity rules although social distancing and masks will probably still be in place. Believe me, it’s been a confusing week as the city that got used to being on the backburner when it comes to reopenings, especially with movie theaters, is now dealing with arguing politicians competing to see who could throw open the then most doors fastest. It’s actually pretty embarrassing.

That aside, this week’s The Weekend Warrior column is brought to you by the new album “Coral Island” from Liverpool band The Coral, which I’ve decided to listen to on loop until I finish this column, because it’s taking me so long to get through it. (Eventually, I switched to Teenage Fanclub’s “Endless Arcade,” since I hadn’t had a chance to listen to it yet…. And to an old standby, Royal Blood, with their own excellent new album, “Typhoons.” At least the record business seems to know it’s the summer!)

Before we get to this week’s new movies, a couple tidbits. First of all, I’m thrilled that my friends Larissa Lam and Baldwin Chiu’s documentary FAR EAST DEEP SOUTH can finally be seen by the entire world, or at least the United States. It debuted on PBS World Channel on Tuesday night as part of the “America ReFramed” series, but for the entire month of May until June 3, you can watch it On Demand HERE, and that is huge! (There will be other ways to see it that you can read about here.)

This is an amazing MUST-SEE doc that looks into the little-known Chinese communities that took root in Mississippi in the early 20th Century and how they became such a huge part of that area with their markets, also bonding with the African-American communities that were similarly dealing with racism from the typically white post-Civil War South. It’s not just a history lesson, and it’s an incredibly moving story about a family trying to find its roots in the most unexpected places. There was a good reason why the couple’s short “Finding Cleveland” won the Oxford Film Festival while I was on the jury that year, and Far East Deep South similarly won an award there last year after its World Premiere at Cinequest was almost scuppered by COVID. It’s amazing how much more relevant and important this film has become since I first saw it last year, since both Asians and African-Americans are dealing with serious racial issues, and this movie shows that more than anything, they should be working to boost each other rather than fighting. Do check it out On Demand this month if you get a chance!

Another musician making movies is Mr. Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters. I mentioned his documentary WHAT DRIVES US last week, but I actually only got to watch it on Thursday, and like his previous film Studio City and HBO mini-series, Sonic Highways, it’s a fantastic look at the music biz, this time through a variety of artists who began their careers by piling into vans and driving around the country. That is, except Lars Ulrich from Metallica, who mentions that the band was never so small or indie that they didn’t have a bus. But Grohl has used his vast connections to bring in a lot of great musicians including The Edge from U2, Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and more, making this a very entertaining movie both for fans of the various bands but also live music fans in general. I gotta admit that as much as I loved What Drives Us, it did bring me down a bit since it’s been almost 14 months since I’ve seen any live music, and I really miss it. This is now streaming on The Coda Collection, which you can subscribe to through Amazon Prime Video.

Guy Ritchie is back with his latest movie, WRATH OF MAN (Miramax/MGM), which reunites him with Jason Statham for the first time since 2007’s Revolver, I believe. Statham plays the enigmatic Paul “H” Hill who works at cash truck company Fortico, responsible for moving hundreds of million dollars around Los Angeles each week. Fortico has recently been hit by a lethal robbery, and H’s team soon learn that there’s a lot more to their new coworker, who happens to be looking for revenge against the man who murdered his son.

(Unfortunately, reviews for the movie are embargoed until Thursday at 6pm, so I can’t tell you whether it’s any good or not. Until Thursday night. Sorry!)

But I will talk about the movie’s box office prospects, because why not? Ritchie’s last movie, The Gentlemen, opened in January 2020, during the “before times,” with $10.6 million, but that was more of a classic Ritchie ensemble crime-comedy. Wrath of Man is more of the type of movie Statham has been making over the past few years, a cross between a revenge thriller and a heist flick. In fact, Statham has done a pretty good job creating his own brand through a variety of action-thrillers as well as a number of franchises including “The Transporter” movies, “The Expendables,” and eventually joining the “Fast and the Furious” franchise as Deckard Shaw with Furious 7 in 2017. Statham then went off to make Hobbs and Shaw with Dwayne Johnson, which didn’t do bad with $174 million. Before that, Statham starred in The Meg, a summer shark attack movie that grossed $145 million. Statham going back to help his old mate i.e. the director that gave Statham his start is pretty huge.

But as I said earlier, those were all in the “before times” and with the box office the way it is, it’s hard to imagine that the exciting reunion of Statham and Ritchie can open with more than $10 million but maybe closer to $8 million, because MGM/UA just doesn’t have the marketing clout of a Warner Bros. or Universal. Even so, that should be enough to be #1 this weekend as both Mortal Kombat and Demon Slayer continue to fall away. Unfortunately, if the movie *is* any good -- and I can’t tell you one way or another -- then by the time reviews hit, people will already have other plans for the weekend than to go see the movie. So yeah, that’s pretty dumb on the part of MGM, huh?

UPDATE: MGM is putting the movie into 2,876 theaters and maybe I'm being overly optimistic, because, as you'll read below, the movie IS pretty good and reviews have remained positive with the American reviews rolling in last night, still at 70% Fresh at this writing. Maybe that'll help the movie do a little better, maybe as much as $9 million, although I'll probably owe MGM an apology if it cracks $10 million, and I don't think it will.

Mini-Review: If you’ve seen the trailer for Wrath of Man, you might go into Guy Ritchie’s latest thinking you know what to expect, because it’s sure being sold as another typical Jason Statham revenge thriller. Don’t be fooled by the marketing, the movie really is Ritchie’s chance to make his own version of Heat, an L.A. heist movie that owes as much to Rashomon as another movie being released this week.

Wrath of Man begins with the heist of an armored truck that turns deadly with the wanton murder of a couple guards. From there, you might think we know where things are going when Statham’s “H” company whose truck was hit, and on his first day, he stops a similar heist by killing the truck’s attackers. H is immediately the hero of the company, although he still has quite a few suspicious coworkers and the feeling is quite mutual. Ritchie’s film then slips into the second episodic chapter which goes back five months to that initial heist where we learn that Statham’s son was killed by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I don’t want to go too much deeper into how the movie and story play out, because like The Gentlemen and some of Ritchie’s more intricate films, there’s a lot that purposefully isn’t made very apparent at the beginning. To many, this movie will be seen as even more macho than most of Ritchie's films, to the point where even the only woman guard, Dana, being just as macho as the men. As the movie begins, there’s a lot of joke-cracking and crotch-grabbing, all while Statham’s character silently observes and only acts when necessary.

The film’s shift to more of a classic Ritchie ensemble does slowly take place, but by the third chapter, it shifts to the group perpetrating the cash truck heists with an “inside person,” taking the movie to yet another place that makes it more obvious that this is Ritchie’s attempt at delving into the L.A. heist genre that other filmmakers have done so well.

Oddly, Statham doesn’t have too many lines, acting almost like a Terminator in his determination to right wrongs, but as always, Ritchie puts together a fantastic ensemble cast including a number of great American character actors who we rarely get to see in such great roles. I was particularly impressed with Jeffrey Donovan, who has appeared in a number of otherwise forgettable crime films this past year. The same can be said for Holt McCallany as H’s truck driver “Bullet,” but Ritchie also cast the likes of Josh Hartnett and Scott Eastwood in smaller yet still significant supporting roles, all of whom become more interesting as you start figuring out who all the players are.

Like I said, the movie is fairly macho and the few women play very small roles, but it’s how things are set-up in the first few acts to then change course and build to an absolutely amazing third act that will undoubtedly bear comparisons to Heat. And yet Wrath of Man (which is actually based on a little-seen French crime-thriller) does branch away from some of Ritchie’s standards, first of all by being far darker and even more violent with any of the wisecracking humor that pervades a lot of Ritchie’s work to counterbalance such violence disappearing once the flashbacks begin. It’s all punctuated by a fantastically tense score by Christopher Benstead, which seems a bit much at first but eventually settles into the perfect pace and tone for the action.

Despite disappearing for a good chunk of the movie, Statham is still great, basically killing everyone as his characters are wont to do, but watching how all of the different ideas come together leads to such a satisfying conclusion that one hopes those who might be put off, thinking they know where it's going due to the somewhat pathetic and obvious marketing will give it a chance to see how Ritchie has changed gears as effortlessly as he did with Aladdin a few years back.

Rating: 7.5/10

After even a longer time since he directed a movie, Billy Crystal once again takes the helm for HERE TODAY (Sony/Stage6), a movie in which he plays comedy writer Charlie Burns, whose chance encounter with Tiffany Haddish’s lounge singer, Emma Payge, leads to an unlikely friendship, as he struggles with early stage dementia.

I’ve known about this movie for over a year now, and I was pretty excited to finally get to see it, since I was such a fan of the other movies Crystal has directed, 1992’s Mr. Saturday Night and 1995’s Forget Paris, and it’s just amazing to me that he hasn’t directed a movie since.

At first, it seems like it’s the type of meet-cute we’ve seen so much in Crystal’s past filmography, but his pairing with Haddish isn’t something that might work on paper, but in fact, their comic styles mesh so perfectly together that it’s amazing that no one thought of putting them together before.

Crystal wrote the film with comic Alan Zweibel, who adapted it from his own short story “The Prize,” which refers to Haddish’s character winning Charlie in an auction for a lunch. Actually, her ex won the lunch, and she decided to use it because… free lunch! It’s a pretty simple set-up but one that allows the filmmakers to explore some of the odder things that happen in life.

Much of the movie’s humor plays upon the differences between the two characters, and how unexpected their friendship is. I can totally relate, because I have a lot of good long-time friends who most people might never expect us to be friends, but Crystal, Zweibel and Haddish pick up on that and create a movie that’s very funny but has enough other characters around the duo toa allow their characters to show how they’re just really nice people. We see that with how Charlie takes a young writer at his late night show under his wing or how Emma livens up the bat mitzvah of Charlie’s granddaughter. Oh yeah, and Haddish sings. She actually has a number of great performances in the movie, and seriously, anyone who watches this movie is gonna wanna see a smart filmmaker put Haddish in a musical immediately.

The film also acts as a truly touching tribute to Crystal’s friend, the late Robin WIlliams, who was diagnosed with the exact same type of dementia after his suicide death, and knowing that fact, makes the film even more poignant. More importantly, it doesn’t use Charlie’s condition for laughs, and for that alone, I feel like this is ten times better than that overrated Oscar winner The Father.

Here Today’s biggest problems come in the third act when it feels like the movie is starting to over-extend its welcome, even going into somewhat expected places, but it recovers from that rough third act to land a really nice ending. Crystal has always proven himself to be a really strong mainstream filmmaker (ala Rob Reiner and others) who makes crowd-pleasing movies, and it’s so nice seeing him going behind the camera for a movie that’s obviously very personal but also highly relatable.

As far as box office, I certainly have high hopes that Crystal still has an older audience of fans who might want to see him on the big screen again. I’m just not sure if this will be in more than 1,000 theaters, and though I’ve seen quite a bit of marketing, I just haven’t seen Crystal or Haddish do nearly as much in terms of getting out there that would be necessary to reach an audience that might want to venture out into movie theaters to see the movie vs. waiting until it’s on cable/streaming. There’s also Tiffany Haddish’ fanbase, and there could be some benefit for the movie coming out the same week as her new CBS show “Kids Say the Darndest Things.”

I’d love to be optimistic with this making $4 to 5 million but it’s probably more likely to be closer to $3 million especially with capacity limits still in place for most theaters and the audience generally being older.

UPDATE: Maybe I was a little too optimistic, because I enjoyed the movie so much and it will probably be closer to $1 or 1.5 million since other reviews aren't as great.

Next, we have two movies finally being released many years after their festival premieres…

The Swedish apocalyptic thriller THE UNTHINKABLE (Magnet), directed by Victor Danell, is finally being released after playing genre fests in 2018 and 2019. It stars Christoffer Nordenrot as Alex, a young piano virtuoso who ran away from home due to his abusive father Bjorn (Jesper Barkselius). Years later, he returns home for his mother’s funeral after she’s killed in a terrorist attack on Sweden. At the same, there’s a virus that’s erasing people’s memories, but Alex is still in love with Anna (Lisa Henni), the girl he had a crush on when he left, and the three of them will have to help each other face all the horrible things hitting their home at the same time.

As I was watching this movie, a lot of it felt eerily familiar to me, but I couldn’t figure out why. The more I watched it, the more I realized that I actually HAD seen the movie before. Sure enough, I saw this movie over two years ago at the “What the Fest?!” in New York two years ago, and I honestly don’t remember loving it. Still, I decided to give it a fresh look, hoping to get more out of it on second viewing.

Some of the same things bothered me on this second viewing, because it’s really hard to figure out exactly what is going on and whether the horrific events are natural, man-made or a combination of both. For some time, we get so mired into Alex’s lame relationship with Anna, and when he returns home, his conspiracy theory-driven father is busy protecting a bunker that’s being invaded by foreign military troops he thinks are Russians. We cut between these two disparate scenarios while sometimes returning to the capital of Sweden and throwing in a few big set pieces. It’s so disjointed that you feel like you’re watching a lot of random unrelated events, maybe a bit like last week’s About Endlessness -- maybe it’s a Swedish thing?

There are aspects of The Unthinkable that are quite commendable, particularly those action moments and how the mystery about what is happening develops as the film goes along. Eventually, the film does find a more consistent pace, and things start becoming a little clearer, which makes the final act better than much of what we’ve watched earlier. Even so, it’s still quite annoying how long it takes to figure out what’s going on, even on a second viewing, and for most people, that may already be far too frustrating to get through it.

Hitting Netflix on Friday over THREE years after it premiered at Sundance is music video director Anthony Mandler’s directorial debut, MONSTER (Netflix), based on the novel by Walter Dean Myers. It stars Kelvin Harrison Jr. (Waves) as Steve Harmon, a 17-year-old film student put in jail, accused of murder in a bodega robbery. His defense lawyer (Jennifer Ehle) is trying to help him be released, but he’s fighting against the odds of a judicial system that sees him as a “monster” because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I have to be honest that I did go to see this at Sundance the week it premiered, and for whatever reason, I just wasn’t feeling it, so I only really caught about twenty minutes of it. Watching it now with more time and a little less weary than I usually am towards the end of Sundance, I was able to appreciate Monster more for what it is. On the surface, it’s just about Steve’s case and how what really happened unfolds before our eyes and we learn more about those around Steve and how their influence may have pulled a smart and studious young man into the criminal world that now has him in prison with much more violent life-long criminals.

We already knew that Harrison was a great actor, but Monster shows us that he was already on his way to greatness with this movie that for whatever reason got buried even as it dealt with issues that have been in the headlines almost every day since this debuted.

Mandler takes an interesting approach, both non-linear and also with blatant nods to Kurosawa’s Rashomon, which is even cited by Steve’s teacher, played by Tim Blake Nelson. Jeffrey Wright and Jennifer Hudson are decent as Steve’s parents, but they’re generally smaller and non-showy roles compared to the moments between Harrison and Ehle. Much of the film takes place in the courtroom with flashbacks showing what happened through the viewpoint of whomever is on the stand, which eventually includes Steve himself.

The way Mandler handles the material may lean more on the artiness rather than something more mainstream -- Michael B. Jordan’s Just Mercy comes to mind -- but it’s just as powerful in showing how someone like Steve can be othered by society into being a criminal. Sure, there have been other handlings of this sort of material that I thought were better films, but if you know anyone who has ever had dealings with the “justice” system and know how unfair and horrible it can be even to the innocent, then Monster will certainly strike a chord.

Also hitting Netflix this week is the new series based on Mark Millar and Frank Quitely‘s comic books, JUPITER’S LEGACY (Netflix), another kind of twist on the superhero genre ala Amazon Prime Video’s series based on Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson’s The Boys. I love the comics, and I can’t wait to finally get around to seeing Netflix’s first adaptation of a Millarworld property.

David Oyelowo makes his directorial debut with THE WATER MAN (RLJEfilms), a movie about a young boy named Gunner Boon (Lonnie Chavis), whose mother (Rosario Dawson) is battling leukemia. In an effort to cure her, Guner goes off on a journey along with a teenage girl named Jo (Amiah Miller) to find the mythical Water Man, who can provide them with a magic token that might save Gunner’s mother’s life.

I’ve interviewed Oyelowo a few times before, and I really like him a lot, so I had really high hopes for him as a director since I feel he’s just a terrific actor. Unfortunately, the material here is just not strong enough that I think even a far more experienced filmmaker could make something out of it.

Set in PIne Hills, we meet Gunner, a bright kid who loves drawing comic books, but he has trouble connecting with his father (Oyelowo), so when he has an idea that might help his sick mother, he goes off with a head-strong teen named Jo, in search of the Water Man, a summertime adventure permeated by a lot of very bad low-budget visual effects.

Honestly, I’m not even sure where to begin with where The Water Man falters, because Oyelowo has such a great cast, including Alfred Molina and Maria Bello in tiny parts. The story is a problem, as is the writing, which is just so bland and dull, that there’s really nothing in Oyelowo’s direction or any of the performances that really can salvage it. Neither of the child actors have much charisma or personality, and even Dawson’s performance, which would normally be a showstopper is repeatedly lessened by the constant cutting back to the kids. (And as someone who beat leukemia myself, I’m never a fan when cancer is depicted in movies as a death sentence rather than just another hurdle in life that needs to be overcome.)

Oyelowo himself may be one of his generation’s best actors, but he brings so little to the role of Gunner’s father, maybe to not take away from his younger star, but it hurts that he doesn’t do more to create a stronger conflict by making the character more horrible to drive Gunner away. The actual Water Man doesn’t improve things when he finally shows up, essentially talking like a pirate but not even remotely paying off.

Honestly, The Water Man seems like such a misguided venture -- Exec. Produced by Oprah, no less -- and it might have been totally forgettable if the characters didn’t keep saying the title of the movie every five minutes.

Hitting theaters Friday after a festival run is Tran Quoc Bao’s action-comedy THE PAPER TIGERS (WELL GO USA), starring ALain Uy, Ron Yuan and Mikel Shannon Jenkins as martial artists once known as “the three tigers but now middle-aged men must set aside old grudges and dad duties to avenge the murder of their teacher. I’ve had a screener of this since last summer when it played at Fantasia Festival in Montreal, and I just never got around to watching it, but if I’m able to squeeze it in before the weekend, check back here for my review.

Streaming on Shudder this Friday is Ryan Kruger's South African comedy-thriller FRIED BARRY (Shudder), starring Gary Green as Barry, a violent street junkie who is abducted by aliens who take over his body in order to… well, actually… they do a lot of drugs, have a lot of sex and other craziness. It’s a pretty strange and bizarre movie that reminds me a little of movies like a lower-fi Under the Skin or Beyond the Black Rainbow, and much of it is driven by the insane and unique performance by Green and the odd characters he encounters that I think will find its fans for sure, but it will definitely be for a very select audience of genre festival fans, as this is by no means a mainstream genre film.

Speaking of which, another movie out this week which I wasn’t allowed to see in advance is Gia Coppola’s MAINSTREAM (IFC Films), starring Maya Hawke as a young woman seeking internet stardom by making YouTube videos with a charismatic stranger, played by Andrew Garfield, until “the dark side of viral celebrity threatens to ruin them both.” Yup, it’s one of THOSE movies. It also stars Nat Wolff, Jason Schwartzman and Johnny Knoxville, but I haven’t heard anything good about it, and I’m not sure my curiosity is piqued enough to spend any of my own personal money to check it out.

Hitting Amazon on Friday is the doc THE BOY FROM MEDELLIN (Amazon) from Matthew Heineman (City of Ghosts, Cartel Land), a portrait of musical superstar J. Balvin, as he prepares for a massive sold-out stadium show in his hometown of Medellin, Colombia, which is hindered by the growing civil unrest in the area.

Lots of other movies this week, but a few that i just wasn’t able to get to this week, including:

ABOVE SUSPICION (Lionsgate) INITIATION (Saban Films) ENFANT TERRIBLE (Dark Star Pictures) QUEEN MARIE (Samuel Goldwyn Films) SILO (Oscilloscope) CITIZEN PENN (Discovery+)

That’s it for this week. Next week, Chris Rock and Samuel L. Jackson star in SPIRAL: FROM THE BOOK OF SAW (Lionsgate) and Angelina Jolie returns for the thriller THOSE WHO WISH ME DEAD (New Line) and Timur Bekmambetov’s thriller, PROFILE (Focus Features). That’s right. This will be the first weekend in over a year where we’ll have three or maybe even four new wide releases.

[obsessedwiththebatman]

Joel T. Schumacher

(August 29, 1939 – June 22, 2020) was an American filmmaker. Schumacher rose to fame after directing three hit films: St. Elmo's Fire (1985), The Lost Boys (1987), and Flatliners (1990). He later went on to direct the John Grisham adaptations The Client (1994) and A Time to Kill (1996). His films Falling Down (1993) and 8mm (1999) competed for Palme d'Or and Golden Bear, respectively.

Director of films, including: The Incredible Shrinking Woman, 1981; D.C. Cab, 1983; St. Elmo's Fire, 1985; The Lost Boys, 1987; Cousins, 1989; Flatliners, 1990; Dying Young, 1991; Falling Down, 1993; The Client, 1994; Batman Forever, 1995; A Time to Kill, 1996; Batman & Robin, 1997; 8 mm, 1999; Flawless, 1999; Mauvaises Frequentations, 1999; Tigerland, 2000; Bad Company, 2002; Phone Booth, 2003; Veronica Guerin, 2003; Phantom of the Opera, 2004. Director of television movies, including: The Virginia Hill Story, 1974; Amateur Night at the Dixie Bar and Grill, 1979.

Awards:

National Association of Theater Owners (NATO) ShoWest Director of the Year Award, 1997; NATO ShowEast Award for Excellence in Filmmaking, 1999.

Sidelights

After more than three decades in the film industry, Joel Schumacher has earned a reputation as one of the most respected and well–liked mainstream

Joel Schumacher

filmmakers around. Schumacher's films are glossy; he delights moviegoers with his staggering sense of style. Movie companies love Schumacher as well because he completes his films on time and on budget. Over the years, the costume designer–turned–director has generated a long list of credits to his name, including the 1985 hit St. Elmo's Fire, which helped launch the careers of the "brat pack" kids, including Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, Andrew McCarthy, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, and Emilio Estevez. His biggest blockbuster was 1995's Batman Forever, starring Val Kilmer in the feature role and Jim Carrey as his nemesis, The Riddler. That movie grossed $184 million at the box office. For Schumacher, it is a dream come true. "I'm very lucky to be here," he told Jim Schembri of the Age. "I have a career beyond my wildest dreams. I've wanted to make movies since I was seven. I have my health, I conquered drugs and alcohol.… I've survived an awful lot."

Schumacher was born on August 29, 1939, in New York, New York, and grew up an only child in the working–class neighborhood of Long Island City in Queens, New York. Speaking to the New York Times 's Bernard Weinraub, Schumacher referred to himself as an "American mongrel." Said Schumacher: "My mother was a Jew from Sweden; my father was a Baptist from Knoxville, Tennessee."

When Schumacher was four, his father died. To make ends meet, his mother went to work selling dresses. She worked six days a week and also some nights. "She was a wonderful woman, but, in a sense, I lost my mother when I lost my father," Schumacher told Newsweek 's Mark Miller. By the time he was eight, the unsupervised Schumacher was on the street taking care of and entertaining himself. He found comfort reading Batman comics and spent long afternoons in darkened movie theaters watching Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant on the big screen. "Those were my two biggest obsessions before I discovered alcohol, cigarettes, and sex," Schumacher told Miller. "Then my obsessions changed a little bit. I started drinking when I was nine. I started sex when I was eleven. I started drugs in my early teens. And I left home the summer I turned 16. I went right into the beautiful–people fast lane in New York at the speed of sound. I've made every mistake in the book."

As a child, Schumacher also dabbled in entertainment. He built his own puppet theater and performed at parties. To help his mother make money, he also delivered meat for a local butcher. Walking the streets, Schumacher became interested in window displays and volunteered to dress the store windows in his neighborhood.

After he left home at 16, Schumacher lied about his age and landed a job at Macy's selling gloves in the menswear department. From there, he became a window dresser for Macy's, as well as Lord & Taylor and Saks. Later, Schumacher worked as a window dresser at Henri Bendel's and earned a scholarship to the Parsons School of Design in New York City. He also attended that city's Fashion Institute of Technology. Next, he worked as a fashion designer and helped manage a trendy boutique called Paraphernalia, long associated with Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick. In time, Schumacher found work with Revlon, designing packaging.

With a keen eye for style, Schumacher became a big star in the fashion world, but sunk lower into drugs. He favored speed, acid, and heroin. Schumacher refered to this period of his life—the 1960s—as his "vampire" years, according to Newsweek 's Miller. He stayed inside all day, covering his windows with blankets. He only went out at night. One day in 1970, something snapped, and Schumacher quit the hard–core drugs. "I guess it was the survivor in me," he told Weinraub in the New York Times. "I just knew I had to stop." He did, however, continue drinking, a problem that plagued him for two more decades.

In 1971, Schumacher relocated to Los Angeles, California, and got his foot in the film industry door when he landed a trial job as a costume designer for Play It As It Lays, which was released in 1972. From there, he picked up jobs as a costume designer for movies like Woody Allen's Sleeper and Blume in Love, both released in 1973. Through these movies, Schumacher made contacts and landed his first directing job for the 1974 NBC–TV drama The Virginia Hill Story. He also began writing screenplays, including 1976's Car Wash, and the 1978 musical, The Wiz. Finally, in 1981, he got his first shot at filmmaking, directing Lily Tomlin in The Incredible Shrinking Woman. Reviewers frequently commented on the atypical color scheme he chose for this film.

One of Schumacher's early successes was a 1983 film about a metropolitan cab company run by a group of misfits. Called D.C. Cab, the film featured Mr. T. Other early hits included 1985's St. Elmo's Fire, and 1987's The Lost Boys. The latter film, a vampire flick, helped launch the careers of Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, and Kiefer Sutherland; it was a hit with the teen audience. He followed up with the 1990 thriller Flatliners, and the psychological drama Falling Down, starring Michael Douglas, in 1993.

By the early 1990s, Schumacher was coming into his own. Legendary author John Grisham asked Schumacher to adapt his best–selling legal thriller, The Client, for the big screen. Schumacher cast Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Sarandon in lead roles in the film that told the story of a street–savvy kid in danger because he had information about a mob killing. The movie, released in 1994, was well–received and Sarandon received an Oscar nomination for best actress.

Next, Schumacher earned directorial rights to Batman Forever, released in 1995. The first two installments of the series were directed by Tim Burton, but were thought to be too dark and serious. Schumacher was charged with brightening the series. Val Kilmer replaced Michael Keaton as Batman, and Jim Carrey joined the cast as The Riddler. Under Schumacher's direction, the movie became the blockbuster of the summer, raking in $184 million. Batman & Robin followed in 1997 but was terribly unsuccessful, putting an end to the Batman series.

Over the years, Schumacher has become known for his perceptive ability to cast unknown actors and turn them into hotshots. His films have given rise to the careers of the "brat packers," as well as Matthew McConaughey, cast in Schumacher's 1996 adaptation of another Grisham novel, A Time to Kill. Schumacher also "discovered" Irish actor Colin Farrell, giving him the lead in the 2000 Vietnam drama Tigerland, which proved to be Farrell's breakthrough performance. Schumacher later cast Farrell in his 2003 suspense thriller Phone Booth, which was shot in an amazing 12 days.

Another actor who gained prominence under Schumacher is comedian Chris Rock, who starred in 2002's Bad Company. Like many actors, Rock enjoyed working with Schumacher and was amazed by Schumacher's ability to handle the whole operation of movie–making. As Rock told Film Journal International 's Harry Haun: "Joel is like a general, like Patton or something. He really knows how to whip up the troops. Doing a big movie is a lot of directing. It's coordinating a whole town. It's like being a mayor, and he's totally up to the task—of being a general and making it artistic."

What makes Schumacher stand apart from other directors is his eye for style. Characters in his films appear polished and classy, yet sexy. According to Haun, a Movieline article by Michael Fleming once proclaimed, "Why Don't People Look in Other Movies Like They Look in Joel Schumacher Movies?" For that, Schumacher credits his childhood spent in movie theaters where he inhaled a steady diet of films with stars like Elizabeth Taylor, Paul Newman, Cary Grant, and Marilyn Monroe. As Schumacher explained to Haun, "You went to the movies and saw—Grace Kelly—these staggering images on the screen, so I think my early film influences are these archetypes—Audrey Hepburn, Gary Cooper. It's very much how I see film."

With about 20 films under his belt, Schumacher has had nearly every kind of review possible but says, for the most part, that he ignores them. Speaking with Film Journal International 's David Noh, Schumacher said he does not read reviews. "Woody Allen taught me a long time ago, 'Don't read them. If you believe the good, you'll believe the bad.' When they think you're a genius it's an exaggeration also, so somewhere between genius and scum is the reality of life."

After his foray into the blockbuster, high–budget world of the Batman series, Schumacher pulled back from big–name titles and returned to making grittier, chancier films. In 2003, he branched out into true crime, directing the film Veronica Guerin, which starred Cate Blanchett as the Irish journalist of the title. Guerin was killed by a heroin kingpin in 1996, who was angered by her investigative reporting. Schumacher made the movie in Ireland on a budget of $14 million—whereas $70 million is the average cost for a studio film. Once again, Schumacher was like a general. He kept everyone focused, shooting at 93 locations in 50 days.

The film won praise for its straightforward approach to the topic. Schumacher refused to glorify Guerin post–mortem, a trap many directors fall into. Speaking to the Age 's Schembri, Schumacher spoke about true stories this way: "You want to be sure that you're approaching the subject matter with integrity and not just trying to glorify the person, but trying to be honest with the facts, even if it upsets some people." Schumacher has also tried his hand at producing a musical. His film version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical masterpiece The Phantom of the Opera, was set for release in 2004.

Schumacher is also openly gay but refuses to get into discussions about how his sexuality affects him in the movie business. "It never was an issue," he told Film Journal International 's Noh, noting he does not believe in labels. "I think we're all villains and victims, as long as we live in a culture which keeps defining people as African–American lesbian judge, gay congressman, Jewish vice–presidential candidate, etc. You would never say that Bill Clinton was a Caucasian heterosexual WASP president, you just say he's Bill Clinton. That means the only norm is white WASP male, because everyone else must be defined. I'm totally against that."

Despite his success, Schumacher has no plans to rest on his laurels. Though he is considered a veteran filmmaker by many, Schumacher still sees himself as a student. As he told the Guardian 's Peter Curran: "I hope I haven't made my best one yet, I'm still trying to learn on the job. So I keep stretching and hopefully I keep making better and better films.

[storyofmyownlife]

End of The Decade

I started this about 9 years ago for a very simple reason-I was hooked on the tv show called Akward. Jenna, the main protagonist of the show, likes to write blogs about her life as a way to cope and express how she feels. Awe inspired, I decided to create my own anonymous blog with the hopes that cathartic venting and documenting the past can help me navigate the present. For the last couple if years, l had been given many opportunities to taste the bittersweet feelings of life. Truth to be told, I have never thought I would be here writing this blog to end the decade. The earlier entries can attest to this. Ten years a go my life was in shambles. I had a broken family, broken English, and the broken will to live.

My father, two siblings and I arrived in Canada on April of 2009 to finally live with my mom. With little regards of the past, I cherished the brand new start to live a life without prejudice. I felt very little emotion when I left the Philippines because I knew deep down I could finally escape the invalidation of others of how I suppose to love. Of course, then, I was naive to think that I wouldn't felt that way ever again- I was completely wrong. It did not take long before everything start to turn sour. Us siblings did not get a long. We did not group together and we did not know how to live with one another. My mom and dad started to fight a lot. Almost every night. My dad started drinking a lot for many reasons that I know now and understood, but not completely forgiven. He misses his old life back in his home country- the life of the party and his other family. My mom push him to work and help with bills. Just like my sister and my brother and I, My mom and dad did live apart for many years. The feeling of living with my whole family was foreign to me. A month after arrival, the incident happened. The police came and for many months the social worker came and visit us. The resentment between us siblings began to build up. For many months, my brother and I blamed my sister for telling the truth. Knowing what I knew now she did the right thing. Nevertheless, my brother and I alienated her.

I also had broken English. I did not make a lot of friends in Grade 8. I was that loner kid who would spend every day during lunch alone and would walk on the school ground by himself. My sister and my brother got their own friends. I wanted to make my own but couldnt. On the bright side, my brother became friends with the guy name Denver. He is one of the only few people in our lives who never left for the past decade. He is still with us.

I started high school. I made more friends who are Filipino. We all kind of form this group. Denver is also part of it. Within that inner group, we had more inner clique called cajibo. I'm not going to disclose who they are because I no longer associate myself with them and it does not matter. There were also four girls who called themselves kimfejeny and they became part of the inner group. Regardless of what happened in the end, they taught me a lot of things about life. For the first time, they made me feel what is like to find a family in a group of random strangers. I must admit they helped us work throughout with some of the traumas. We had crazy dreams together, we spent so many adventures together, and they taught me the life is not as simple as black and white. It all ended because I cared too much and told the truth when it was not my place to do so. Inspite of if all, there were some silver linings to it.

I worked hard to improve my english and move in advance english. My ESL teacher helped me a lot. I improved my academic performance in no time. I also began to developed new relationships. My brother and I became more close to Daniel, Alen, Kith, and Alden. I also began to listen to Taylor Swift's music. She did help me cope with unreciprocated love, broken hearts, and the unpredictability of life. I swear I had crush on couple of people at my high school. I'm just gonna name them here for memories sake- adam, alden, aiah, and andrew.

As time went by, I started thinking about my future. After taking few courses, I knew that I have a passion for literature and history. During my junior and senior years, I took classes in philosophy, history, and law. I was no good in math. Science was okay. I actually got the biology award college level and made it to the honor roll in grade 11 and 12.

In my senior year, this girl name Chelsea asked me out to go to the prom with her. I tagged a long with her friends. They were also friends kimfejeny and some members of cajibo. It was an okay time. I didnt really have an ecstatic time. Suffice to say, I got to go so it was a check for one of my bucket list. Since I'm on the subject, I also went to Red tour concert instead of going to my own school prom. Ed Sheeran performed with Taylor swift! They were both great. Another item checked off!

On my last year, I was also determined to move out. My mom was very supportive of it. We started to look for school. I got in to all of the ones that I applied to. I was torn between u of t and Mac. To be honest, I would not have considered or let alone knew about mcmaster if it wasn't for Andrew. I visited both schools. I thought that u of t provide more classes and opportunities for what I wanted to do. But, I wanted to have an experience like those in movies. Also, deep down I wanted to run away in hope that I could find myself and be. I decided to go to mac

My brother and I graduated. I said goodbye to my favorite high school teach who gave my brother and I a gift. But she did not need to because she has already given me so much and more. The summer was filled with excitement and anticipation. I held a get together before I leave for college. I said goodbye to my friends and left a note for my brother to read. There were crying involve because I felt that I did not deserve them at all. They were so good to me and I was not in return. That summer was bittersweet.

I started my university experience. I would not go in a lot of details because I pretty much documented my first year here well enough. Grace, Shane, nicole and devone made a difference in life, especially Grace. She saved me from myself.

In second year, it was interesting because it started off as bad. I was seeing this guy and wanted to be with him but couldnt. I also was very insecure about myself and my sexuality. Everyone went on dates, make out with someone at the party, etc. I risked my life a couple of times in pursuit of getting the same experience. With the help of my friend and after going to group support, I got through it all. I started joining clubs: board games society, humanities,etc.

Devon came back. Turns out he is bi. I've always liked and wanted him. I had wanted his approval but It was an impossible task. He was drunk and toxic. He liked one of my roommate to who kind of like him too, but did know it was right. She was also the only person who knew about my feelings towards him. Suffice to say my relationship with Devon was severed after the end of that year. Shane was also a drunk and feel like he would not approve of my sexuality so I cut my relationship with him slowly.

I also started dating someone name T. It was an okay relationship. He was a really good guy but I don't think we were meant for each other. I loved how he held me, but I knew I was not the one for him. I was not a good boyfriend to him. I think I tried to look for things in him that I want from my partner. Older, and hopefully wiser, know now that it was wrong. I ended it.

I had great times with my friends and old roommates. Spontaneous drives, adventures, and they gave me opportunities to experience things I never experienced before. Like going to demetris, hiking to trails and falls, random trips to McDonalds etc. Alicia also became my support on my last year at mac. I also became hers as well.

When graduated, I did not find a job immediately and was kind of down. I started to work out to motivate myself. I lost about 75 pound in a couple of months. With the help of family friends, I got hired at a law firm. I learned a lot of things from there. What it's like to practice law, experience to use office equipments, how to network, etc. The perks were great. But the coworkers and the work are not as great. Couple of coworkers come and go. 2 years and a half I still work with them. I also met Ashley, Selena, clarice, bryce, mike. Fun fact: Ashley's wedding was the first wedding that I attended that was not affiliated with my family.

A year ago, I woke up one day and decided to apply to post grad HR program. I was supposed to apply right after I graduated university but I knew I needed to take some time off. But, that day, I was determined to start a new. I got in to the program but was not able to start until last january. The program taught me so much about myself and others. I worked like I've never work in my life. In the end, I got 3.64 GPA. I've made friends and enemies.

My friends from high school that I mentioned before are still with me to this very day. We've gone through so many late night adventures together! I finished my internship last week and I now work as a full time employee at COC. I've traveled couple of times outside Canada for the past 2 years.My family and I recently went to punta Cana. I'm hoping to go to either Mexico or California next year!. I know in my last post I may have mentioned my struggle with the changing times. I know everyone in my life is starting to build their own life without me and that's okay. It is part of growing up. I'm also having short term memory lost lately but hopefully I get better. I'm hoping that my friendship with mike and Bryce would last longer. I wish my family the best in this new decade.

They say, life gets tougher as you grow older. My hope is I became tougher and more resilient still. I will ride the every changing tides of time while always looking up to the daylight.

I'll tell you the truth but never goodbye.

December 31st, 2019

Ps: pic 1 shows the books that I accumulated and read over the years. Pic 2 my favorite things the I received and owned this year.

[crazycrackersworld]

19 years ago I couldn't fall asleep either, I was in a hospital with my then wife, in the morning she would arrive......my Callista.

I had, had her name picked out for years, even before Katana was born, but of course Katana being named anything else would have been wrong, no,. The Prettiest One...that name would have to wait.

She was so beautiful, form the moment she came into the world, just so damn beautiful. I remember I was beyond excited, beyond happy, I was just filled with so much joy and hope for the future, happy that Sheena had a daughter. Happy that my family seemed to be headed for.....a bright future.

And now 19 years later I cannot fall asleep again, for all the opposite reasons. I was a good dad, better than good, I remember doing her hair in the summer, or before school during the school year and I remember taking her to the library in the summer for story days, when I was unemployed during the first separation, and got to spend all day everyday taking care of her.

And even 3 years later after the actual final divorce, I was still a good dad, maybe better than good. I would drive from Milwaukee to eustisford early in the morning to see her or the other kids get awards only to turn around and drive an hour back knowing I had to work that day. And I drove up there on days I didn't have them to see cheerleader practices or cheerleader performances or science fairs and all of that.

And then about 4 5 years after the divorce was final, I kind of just snapped I had some sort of a breakdown I stopped seeing my kids I was unable to keep a job for very long I've screwed up a lot of opportunities I didn't know how to fix myself, and I didn't know why it took that long for me to break, that should have happened like right after the divorce.

And I'm not going to put blame on anyone but myself, but my ex-wife did kind of help the breakdown, 5 years of back and forth and up and down and giving me false hope that maybe we had reconciliation and the future ahead of us only to always pull the rug out from under me. And I don't know maybe someday my kids will look back and understand what was going on understand just this year nonsense of it, but if they do it'll probably just make them like me even less cuz they'll probably just wonder why I kept falling for it. And they never will realize that they were the reason I kept falling for it, that I just wanted them back in my life full time. But the decisions that I made any emotional pain that I went through that 5 years ended up with me going off the rails to the point that I never see them, and I don't think they have any desire to ever see me again.

I miss my little girl, I miss her so much the tears started probably early Saturday afternoon and they have continued all the way through till now 1:00 in the morning. And I'm having a hard time falling asleep, because part of me doesn't want to wake up again, but also because every time I close my eyes I see her. So I don't want to close my eyes and it's hard to fall asleep with your eyes open.

My heart is so terribly broken and I feel so utterly alone, and I'm getting very tired of it. Every one I love leaves me everyone, and I'm getting very tired of just keeping my head up.

I won't hear from her today even though I will try to reach out with a happy birthday but I know I will get no reply. So I guess I'll just say this to put it out there, happy birthday calista, I love you, I have never stopped loving you and I never will. I think about you everyday, you are in my heart and my head everyday, I miss you, and I am so sorry that I failed you. And I have come to the conclusion that I will never be forgiven, but maybe I don't deserve to.